#i just dont get it. i genuinely dont understand why would anyone be so cruel. what do they get out of this?

[widevibratobitch]

Polish Witcher fans are just evil fucking people and i hate them so much <3

[nightcolorz]

For the ask game: ❤️💚💙

YAYY thank u sm for the ask! these questions r so fun. I’m going off of the book fandom btw

❤: Which character do you think is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom?

Louis <3 I think this is an affect of how likable and overtly sympathetic he is in the amc show but I've seen people getting genuinely offended over Louis being described in fandom (and by Anne rice herself) as a manipulative cold hearted ass who uses his perceived vulnerability and gentleness to distract from the fact that he is just as cruel if not crueler then the other vampires. Like Louis does nottt have strong morals or high empathy lmao. Book Louis weaponizes his privilege like a white woman crying to self victimize into making the other vampires look worse them him 😭 . He refuses to kill humans for a while not bcus it hurts him to take life (he actually takes more pleasure in it then most), he refuses bcus he has catholic brain the way a christians who say "how do atheists have morals without god?" do, misunderstanding that most people actually care about other people and dont need an existential threat to encourage them not to hurt others.

His moral compass is self centered and based in up keeping the appearance of self restraint and monk style lack of enjoying himself, not empathy. If a vampire killed u would u feel better if u knew he cried over how much he got off on it then flaunted his suffering over how little he indulged so that everyone knew how piosis he was 😭.

He is way worse when it comes to how he treats his victims then Armand who intentionally seeks out victims who r asking to die or Lestat who tries the vigilante approach. Louis kills innocents and he thinks it makes him better cuz he only does it sometimes and he feels really really bad about himself afterwards. As akasha said (paraphrased) he's the most predatory of them all.

To specify I love book Louis SOOOO much I love how shitty he is that's why it makes me sad when people mischaracterize him as sincere and get gen mad when ppl characterize him how he is in canon (a lying selfish bitch bless his heart). Like ik amc Louis at this point in canon is unambiguously in the right but he isn't like an accurate reflection of how he is in the books 😭 it's not like amc did what anne rice was trying to do more successfully, they just nulled what anne rice was doing in favor of a more likable protagonist. Which is fine, but like, there's no crime in preferring evil to the core horrible asshole Louis of the books.

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

I think the common fandom perception of Armand as the crazy unhinged "omg I can't believe he actually did that in the books??" sadistic maniac villain guy is funny but not really accurate. Armand explicitly not only tries to avoid violence but dislikes it and finds it hard to comprehend why someone would seek out violence and conflict.

The reason he is always doing fucked up shit isn't out of a lestat-esc desire to cause chaos, it's bcus his highly strung ptsd brain has him convinced that the world is a battle ground and he must always be defending himself and acting out in violence.

Since acting out in violence is a reaction hes been taught throughout his life to be standard and necessary, as violence is something so normalized to him he considers it more of a tedious chore then a last resort measure, he usually reacts to conflict in ways that are objectively extreme to anyone who isn't thinking from his perspective. In qotd he even asks Daniel why men choose to fight in wars, explaining that he doesn't understand the draw of violence (bcus he's not a man) and he can't comprehend the supposed thrill of it.

Then he says this in pl to Gregory

💙: Which character is not as hot as everyone else seems to think they are?

i was going to say Marius but I figure that's too obvious since everyone at this point knows I don't like Marius 😭 so here's an even hotter take,,,,, Lestat ‼️

Only to a degree, I think Lestat is hot and deserves the hype, but i also think he's hot in a different way then a chunk of the fandom does. Based on his book description he's kind of wonky looking, mouth too big for his face, vaguely unnerving shallow pale skin, starved 1700s peasant build but also kind of buff in the unhealthy "i dont eat regularly but I'm strong enough to carry a wolf for miles on my back" sense, weirdly small fucking feet. He def has creepy ass florescent blue doll eyes too. my point is I think when drooling over Lestat the fandom tends to forget this wonkiness in favor of blonde bombshell, Sam Reid chizzled jawline and abs, or conventionally beautiful anime twink, when they should be appreciating lestat in all his weird as shit glory.

[cubeapples]

Why do you even ship tomarry? Like it honestly seems from most of your posts that you don’t have a very favorable view of Harry or Tom’s feelings/treatment of him, so what do you even like about it? Genuinely confused why you aren’t maining bellamort when nearly every post I’ve seen from you has put Harry down in some way and found a way to bring Bella or one of the other Blacks up.

ok, this is a very good question and i understand where you are coming from. i really do. this is what it seems like if you take a quick glance of my blog and you're right, i have thought about this myself too.

but the truth of the matter is, i like bellamort, but i dont love that ship, whereas i love tomarrymort if it is done right.

tomarrymort is a very difficult ship to bring together in a Realistic way, Because of all the problems i have pointed out. bellatrix happens to be one of my favourite characters and i hate the way she is treated as an unfavorable side character who has to compete with harry for voldemort's affections but loses because harry is v's pwecious liddol horcrux.

to me, that just ruins my whole mood for reading the fic because i believe that bella doesn't have to compete at all, not when she is objectively already so much better than harry in Voldemort's eyes. He favours those who are cruel, cunning and devoted to the cause. None of which harry is or possesses.

a truly good harrymort fic would have overcome this issue, not just make voldemort like how much harry hates him and learn to live with it, because who tf would like that??? Oh hey! Look at me! My partner hates me because i murdered his family and am advocating for the destruction of all the people like him! Isn't he fucking beautiful with his murderous eyes! Haha!

like.. not it.

and harry can't just suddenly turn all pureblood supremist and be like, omg, i should be v's favourite because i overcame my views from the past and.. and Bellatrix sucks because she killed sirius!!!!!

and voldemort would not like to be antagonised everytime he's trying to live. i hate to break it to you, but harry can't stop him from murdering people, but bellatrix would stand next to him, also torturing people, so obviously, bellamort is the easier ship.

but that doesn't necessarily mean i like it more.

i am a huge fan of enemies to lovers and if done right, can be peak.

and i am not a fan of the trope where voldemort urges harry to hurt him because voldenort killed his parents and welcomes harry's rage. it's so fucking stupid, like, please slap me because i killed your parents and facilitated in the murder of your godfather who was wrongly imprisoned for 13 years because of me, and you are sooo mad at me for it. just, no.

he is not the type of person to beg. at all. voldemort is a taker, he takes advantage and he exploits. he does this to bella, too. why did she end up in jail? because she was serving him! does it seem like he apologised to bella for it? No! So why should harry be any different?? Especially harry, because it was due to harry that he lost the war in the first place!

so, voldemort himself would harbour a LOT of resentment towards harry, not just the other way around, and im telling you, it won’t be easy to get over this hatred, and i think that should be explored more. Not just voldemort Suddenly being interested in harry because harry is the only one brave enough to outwardly hate him (which is literally such a stupid, shallow reason for voldemort to take any notice of him at all.)

It looks like neither harry nor v is willing to compromise and this is the challenge they have to overcome in order to get together.

voldemort is a character who does not bend to anyone's wills and having him bend to harry's will is a discredit to his character. at its core, tomarrymort will always be a toxic ship because of their fundamental different world views and i like it when it is kept that way, and with Voldemort being horribly overbearing. harry cannot keep him in check, he's just a kid compared to Voldemort's age.

tom is also someone who believes anything can be solved with murder and if harry refuses him, and he doesn't like harry vey much, it will end in bloodshed and that is what i like about this horrifying pairing in the first place. the fact that v would not hesitate to kill unless it is one of his closest followers. This is a challenge that has to be overcome too.

im also sick and tired of harry always being given the preferential treatment in fics just because he's witty and sassy or whatever, like this isn't canon. he's just some guy, not tom riddle who was a prodigy since eleven, not bellatrix who even harry described as being powerful.

and don't you think it's stale that the fact that harry is a horcrux is always always some kind of basis to them getting together??? it's just sooo... overused and the fic community is saturated with the same tropes over and over again.

and tom and harry are not murder husbands. Just.. no. It's either butchering tom's character or harry's character. And im telling you frankly, if you want murder husbands, that is literally voldemort x genderbent bellatrix.

And i know that harry is most peoples favourite character, so voldemort is not given enough justice in their writing. His character is always butchered when harry outsmarts him or something and im sick and tired of it. Like, yeah voldemort is not a good person, but if you hate him so much, why are you shipping harrymort? Literally leave.

Overall, it is not the ship i hate, i just really hate some of the overused tropes and think they can be done better. me putting it this way can seem like i don’t like harry, which is not true. it’s just that i hate this fandom’s glorification of him and how they think that voldemort always owes him something for being a terrible person, which i think is really ooc.

my inclusion of bella and the blacks into their dynamics has thus nothing to do with my dislike for harry, but more so on the fact that the complete disregard this fandom has for bellatrix angers me.

Important disclaimer!!!:

I am in no way bashing anyone or any trope. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and writing. I hope you understand that this is simply my perspective and if i have hurt any of your feelings, i apologise. Please keep writing whatever you wish to write. Everyone's writing is truly a gift to this community and keep writing what makes you happy.

[sgtmickeyslaughter]

Thank you so much @callivich for taking the time and effort for coming up with these questions, and thank you @such-a-barbarian for tagging me also!

This got long lol

What’s a fic you’ve read more than once? 

one of my favorite generas of fic is shameless Mickey worship and for that I aways come back to from head to toe and the many things Mickey Milkovich has been called, Unforgiving Touches and the Feeling of Their Bruises. 

also, in no particular order You’re Tough To Love When You Don’t Love Yourself, the broad shouldered beasts series, sincerity is scary.

for something a little smutty go back to sleep has always been a favorite of mine

and as always, my favorite fic of all time Boy In The Box

What’s a gifset you always have to reblog? 

i love that gif set of Ian sniffin’ on his husband, also I think there’s one thats a compilation of Mickey’s best smiles through the series, gorgeous.

this beautifully edited (?) gifset I stg this is better quality than the actual show idk how they did that

this gorgeous art/gifset is awesome also!

this one is very important to me but man it hurts

another heartbreaker

everyone say thank you gif makers!!!!

What’s a fanart you love looking at?

I literally just saw this one for the first time, it immediately went to the top of my list!!

Its so beautifully done and captures the tone of the original piece so well while also transforming it into a unique moment and commentary on intimacy in their own relationship, ugh, gorgeous 

What’s a headcanon you can’t stop thinking about?

creative mickey! the best thing season 10 gave us was mickey and his notebook. i just know when Ian sees that thing come out post canon a part of him locks up in genuine fear

i don’t really think he gets into art persay, but just being a creative thinker, figuring out how to run their business, decorating their apartment, building ian a garden on their balcony when he gets put on the waitlist for the community garden

What’s an idea you’d love to create if you had the time/inspiration?

so I had this idea very vaguely floating around in my head for a while, but it wasn’t even remotely formed, let alone developed and then suddenly last weekend the plot just came to me in that beautiful and cruel way inspiration comes and goes, but it will take forever to write because I want the pace to feel very slow and syrupy and a little dream (or nightmare) like.

i dont want to give away the plot but its very southern gothic, slight true crime elements, cults, slight age difference (younger Mickey)… anyways if anyone from the rural south wants to be on call to explain geography and culture to me, hit me up 

i also have an idea for a dirty filthy, nasty smut fic but i would have to post it anonymously i wouldnt be able to look anyone in the (virtual) eyes

What’s something you’ve discovered since entering this fandom? A new trope you love? A different analysis of the show? Something else?

in all seriousness, analyzing Shameless as a show overall is so interesting, understanding each of the characters as case studies in different particular expressions of being raised in poverty, which is what makes it twice as upsetting when someone is like, ‘why would this character do this, thats so stupid’ and the answer is that statically speaking that character was actually very likely to do that because of the circumstances they were born into and the way they’ve been affected by that throughout their life, but okay. I also noticed that a lot of people on here are not from America and I always wonder what their take on the social/political reading of the show, if it feels familiar at all etc.. 

i also remember the first time someone commented under my fic to be like, ‘why are you giving Mickey a pass Ian did this’, and someone else commented underneath that ‘oh well Mickey did that so he’s a bad person etc.’ and it was just so upsetting to me, I dont see a lot of that on my dash but I just personally believe that if you are judging teenagers/young adults who are in the middle of their first major mental health crisis or who have suffered unimaginable abuse and neglect their entire life, you need to recalibrate your empathy levels 

What’s your favourite season? And has this changed after multiple rewatches of the show?

I love love early seasons (1-3) there is just something so nostalgic about it and as a show that’s when the writing was at its most creative and interestingly paced

also who doesn’t love baby gallavich?

What line/dialogue/description from something else (a poem, a book, a tv show, a movie, or something else) do you feel describes Ian and Mickey’s relationship? 

Ugh Im so sorry I am going to have to add all the lyrics to In Your Love by Tyler Childers, the inspiration for my first fic title because it is the most perfect song to encapsulate the passion between them and the work and sacrifices they put up for each other

What’s a plot hole you wish had been answered or resolved?

where is mandy? where the fuck is my girl?

also the fact that kevin had a son with v’s mom and just, has no interest in a relationship with him? like that made the story easier for sure but it doesn’t make sense with his character

What scene or moment do you feel isn’t discussed enough?

guys, there is not a scene in this show that we have not done to death already (affectionate)

and you know what? we’ll do it again!

but just for the sake of it, the “would you take care of me if i was paralyzed” scene, you can see that Mickey is almost idk, hesitant? but that’s because he’s really picturing it and that his yes is genuine and thought out, and ian’s face of wonder when he realizes that he has someone who loves him unconditionally and forever? earth shattering

What do you think is next for Ian and Mickey post-finale?

listen, i think the laws of television writers being assholes would dictate that they would give a break up (and maybe reconciliation) arc which is my least favorite television trope

but irl? (u know what i mean) i think they do have some hard, stressful times both out of their relationships and in it and realize pretty quickly that they have to work as a team and lean on each other and it only makes them closer

i also think that they simply refuse to sleep without each other, like one night when Ian gets stuck at the gallagher house taking care of sick franny mickey will drive over and sleep in the twin bed with him or if mickey gets wasted on a night out with sandy and debbie and his battery runs out he’ll stumble his ass home instead of going with one of them when they offer even if it takes forever

and ian grows his hair and stubble out to look like it does in the most recent photos (fluffy mullet) and mickey adores it he can’t keep his hands off his husbands head it’s a sensory dream

Thanks again for tagging me!

i’ll tag @stocious @mybrainismelted @sirrudo @solitarycreaturesthey @juliakayyy @jrooc @jezzibelle89 @i-think-you-mean-reduction @iansw0rld

[seramilla]

I feel like the worst part about Clara and Velvette’s relationship is that Clara knows Velvette thinks she is giving what she thinks is love. This only makes their relationship more toxic. It forces Clara in odd scenarios where everyone is telling her Velvette is trying to hurt her, Velvette is manipulating her and that might all be true but it’s because she doesn’t know how to show love in any other way. The fact Clara is one of the only people who probably knows her past with her parents and Velvette coming from a broken home only adds to her own guilt for leaving Velvette. I imagine at one point she just snaps at Odette.

“I CANT STAND THAT WOMAN! SHE GOES UO TO YOU PUT HER HANDS ON YOU KNOWING YOU HATE IT AND THINKS YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH HER? SHE’S INSANE! THAT WOMAN IS PSYSCO-”

“SHE’S TRYING! YOU DONT GET IT! NONE OF YOU GET IT! I MIGHT HATE VELVETTE BELIEVE ME I DO BUT SHE DOESNT UNDERSTAND! SHE TRIES TO SHOW SHE CARES AND EVEN THOUGH I REFUSE TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH THAT PAIN ANYMORE YOU CANT JUST CALL HER THAT!”

“… Clara, why are you defending her?”

“I… you don’t get it. Velvette is complicated she wasn’t raised the way we were! Her parents- I- I shouldn’t say anything.”

“What about Velvette’s Parents? Clara what did they do that made Velvette this cruel?”

“I can’t say. I promised Velvette I wouldn’t tell anyone and I’m not going to break that promise! Odette, promise you won’t tell anyone what I told you?!”

“I-I promise.”

Velvette opens up to Clara because one, she doesn't actually think she'd been paying attention, and two, she sees herself as invincible, so she doesn't think sharing a little detail about her past with Clara would ever come back to bite her. Velvette never hesitates to vent to anyone who will listen, but unlike most people, Clara had actually heard her, and absorbed everything she said. Velvette makes fun of her parents for dying before she'd even made it to Hell. What complete, catastrophic losers they'd been. They'd never cared about Velvette, and treated her like their property. But Velvette had gotten the last laugh in the end. Their pathetic demise by Extermination serves them right.

Odette has good intentions, trying to protect Clara from Velvette. But she doesn't understand Velvette the way Clara does. Underneath the bluster and bravado is a sensitive person desperately craving validation. Not the superficial validation she gets as an influencer, but a genuine, mutual connection that she doesn't have to fake. Clara's always sensed this about Velvette, but the other woman would never admit it. She'd rather double die, then show an ounce of weakness. If only Odette could understand. Maybe it would be okay if Clara told her. Odette would never repeat a secret she told her in confidence. She trusts her sister wholeheartedly.

[tinnchan]

I think what some people who are constantly repeating that “Jiwoo should’ve just talked to Seojoon” aren’t realizing that for some people that feels impossible. Jiwoo clearly has just as much trauma and mental health problems as Seojoon, but they present differently because they are different people. From the beginning of the show whenever Jiwoo pushed Seojoon away I just felt like he was terrified and was desperately hiding behind walls he built for himself, and I felt like these episodes proved it. Jiwoo had got it in his head that he was a burden to Seojoon, that he was inconveniencing his life and career for Jiwoo and that Jiwoo was holding Seojoon back from living his full life. And Jiwoo probably didn’t want to say that because his biggest fear was that Seojoon would say he was right. And so he left in a self destructive manner thinking Seojoon would get over it bc he had so much more life around him than Jiwoo ever did.

When Seojoon came to the village with his lil antics I think he panicked. We don’t know exactly what he was feeling at that point, but I wouldn’t be surprised if at first he thought Seojoon was just there bc Seojoon isn’t the type of person who can just leave things open. Or once Jiwoo got wind of some scandal he thought maybe Seojoon needed to lie low and was just bored and that’s why he showed up. I don’t think he let himself think that Seojoon was there because he loves him, even if all the signs were there because Jiwoo is very proud but very insecure. He can’t let himself realize he messed up bc it would break him, and he can’t imagine that he could be so important to someone so he had to keep denying it.

I think that’s why he lashed out especially hard after the kiss too, he felt like he had messed up again by letting Seojoon in. He was seriously panicking. And when he panics he withdraws within and attacks anyone who tries to reach him. Even if he realized Seojoon still loved him he was convinced Seojoon would move on eventually, that their relationship had an expiration date, and that he was a burden and Seojoon would realize that eventually. Was he cruel? Yes of course. Was that acceptable? No not at all. Do I think it’s a realistic portrayal of someone with Jiwoo’s issues? Yep. And I also think they can get back together and that Jiwoo isn’t some awful person who doesn’t deserve Seojoon (I also don’t really believe in the concept of “deserving” someone but that’s another conversation). I think people often ask for realistic portrayal of mental illness and then get angry at characters for acting in ways that hurt others bc of their mental illness. And don’t get me wrong, illness isn’t an excuse for being cruel, but I dont think anything on this show has made Jiwoo irredeemable or made him unworthy of Seojoon’s love or made their relationship impossible. Anyway that was a lot of stream of consciousness so I hope it makes a bit of sense lol.

Your stream of consciousness is more coherent than whatever I can cook up in my text posts anon.

People definitely show a lack of understanding for Jiwoo's struggles.

In S1, Seojoon tells Jiwoo that guys like him, guys with walls around him, are his style. He likes them. But it's just not a trait for Jiwoo and it's not something you can out-kiss or out-hug. The show depicts how unromantic, how heartbreaking it can get to live with such walls.

The boy has abandonment issues which run deep. It's almost pathological. He did it to his ex-girlfriend, he did it to Hyun Pil's girlfriend, his close friend. I agree with you. It's very easy to think "he should have told Seojoon what was going on". Yes. He should have. If self-loathing and loneliness didn't also cause us to act irrationally at times. That night, it was all of Jiwoo's anxieties and fears piling up until he was suffocating and all he could think of was cutting loose.

Not to repeat all the great points you listed but yeah! He genuinely believed that Seojoon would eventually tire of this thing with a guy like him and would and could move on. He says it in their restaurant confrontation- he does not understand why Seojoon is going through all of this, what's so good about dating him? Jiwoo does not fight for this relationship because for him, because of him, it shouldn't be fought for.

Jiwoo was very much entitled to not fight for this relationship if this would have put him in a better position. Seojoon recognizes it himself in episode 8. If tells him that if he left, he should be better off and not be miserable. If up until the breaking point, we experienced Jiwoo's point of view instead, it would be very hard not to feel like Jiwoo should have the right to step away from Seojoon if that's what he wants (of course the show also shows us that those characters are better off together).

Obviously, he should never have ghosted Seojoon for a whole year. It's terrifying and inexcusable. He should never have slept with him, went too far and lash out (though for the things you pointed out, we can see why it happened).

Bang on for the bit about deserving and this aspect makes me love the show even more because this is what you expect from a romance story. The protagonist must suddenly provide a secret, noble sacrifice-reason, risk his life, earn back his love through some grand efforts and declarations spanning two or three montages. It's only if we see him suffer enough as viewers that we deem it acceptable. Life doesn't work like that. Of course, we want Seojoon to start valuing himself. It hurt to see completely ignore any pride and self esteem. We recognize that this stems from his own issues. Why should he suffer when he did nothing wrong.

But also, you cannot move on from the hurt, you cannot truly and honestly fix your relationships if you use a sort of metric. You hurt me x amount thus I require x amount of repenting or i am allowed to hurt you in an equivalent amount. You won't go very far trying to base your relationships by calculating such loss. That may be satisfying but that's not how you achieve true forgiveness and healing.

Of course, I still want, as a viewer scenes of acknowledgement from Jiwoo and a true moment of vulnerability in front of Seojoon. Seojoon deserves a real explanation. He deserves the opportunity to choose whether or not to forgive Jiwoo once all the information is available to him.

But anyways, Jiwoo has been one of the most realistic portrayal of mental health issues in a BL and I am so grateful for the show for this.

[angelicalbones]

im so nervous to go home after work tonight. I have genuine thoughts and concerns about our relationship and how he treats me but something in me snapped last night and I was just so cruel.

like i dunno he just threw at me out of no where that hes apparently made multiple attempts on his life recently and I had no other reaction than to laugh. Like are you serious? like I know why I laughed because this isn't the first time hes done this or anyone at all has done this to me to make me feel guilty for trying to call them to task and I just cant take his emotional manipulation sometimes but also like

that's cruel to do to anyone. I care for him so much and I am so fucking scared for his safety and well being 24/7. I have had to threaten him with baker acting him or making him stay with his aunt and uncle during the day before because I was so fucking scared I would come home to him dead. Of course he told me that was evil to do and he hated me for even thinking about it even tho hes the one who said "I can't do this anymore let me die"

Fuck I dont know I know I shouldnt have been so mean, I fucking lost it so severely last night but also he is so fucking mean to me all the time. At the slightest provacation it becomes him drilling into me about how I've done nothing but use him for his money and everything is my fault and he has paid for my entire life and I wouldnt be wehre I am without him and I owe him everything. Im never allowed to get a word in edgewise but if I dont speak im an idiot who is abusively stonewalling him and leaving him to suffer alone.

but if I do speak and say the wrong thing(which is literally everything) I'm a fucking moronic bitch who will never understand him and his guy friends are the only ones who actually care about him and I'm evil and want him to die alone and am a sociopathic bitch who can't connect with people ever.

last night I suggested we go out to a bar event we were invited to by his hair dresser and it spiralled into this multi hour long fight. He got so fucking angry at me for suggesting we go do something with other people when he was just screaming and crying about not knowing anyone and not doing anything with his life. I got fed up and told him fine I will go without him if he refuses to join me.

Which might have been the worst possible shit I couldve said I swear to god. The amount of times he said I was a sociopathic bitch who was abandoning him because he is mentally unwell is frankly what caused my outbursts. Just because I said I Was going to go to a bar thing we were invited to.

He then told me to fucking leave like 5 seperate times (which is like the 18th time hes done it in our relationship) so I threw up my fucking hands and cleaned out the car, and started seperating my clothes from his. And suddenly his tune fucking changed. He didn't just tell me to leave I'm choosing to. He never said leave I am deciding to run away in stead of work on our relationshipp.

Despite literally saing the words "Go back to fucking michigan" and "Then you should just fucking leave" multiple times. Apperantely that doesn't in fact mean leave it means beg for my forgiveness.

I then got in trouble for making a mess in the closet and he bitched while we hung my shit back up even tho I told him to leave and I would clean it bc he has to be a fucking martyr about fucking everything just like his dad.

God I cant fucking handle this, when we are good we are so fucking good it's like the universe personally crafted him for me. Similar tastes in media, music, humor, literally everything lines up so beautifully. But when it's bad I want to fucking kill myself . He hates everything about me and I am the worst person to ever happen to him.

I can never know which one is the real one. I'm so tired. I dont want to go home. I want to hide somewhere else forever.

[kookingtae]

falling into you (pt. 8) PREVIEW

pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4 | pt 5 | pt 6 | pt 7

→scenario: Jungkook’s innocence is like a breath of fresh air in your wild life, and though you know you’re toxic for him, you just can’t seem to stay away.

→genre: college au, slow burn, mutual pining, shy/nerd jk + bad girl oc (mature themes)

→a/n: so i’m not finished with pt 8 yet, since it’s such a climactic chapter it’s taking a bit longer than i anticipated unfortunately BUT i dont want u guys to think ive forgotten about it!!! i know u all are waiting so patiently, and i cannot thank you enough from the bottom of my heart <3 i hope this preview keeps you excited for what’s to come!

Jungkook could never face Y/N again.

God, how could he, knowing that he’d not only finished in five minutes like a pubescent teenager, but also in his pants while she was on top of him?

Embarrassment didn’t even begin to describe the mortification he felt. He’d never wanted the earth to swallow him whole as much as he did in that moment. Sure, he was aware of his slight social anxiety, the way he was constantly looking to bolt from uncomfortable situations—but this was different entirely. This was new territory for him; he’d never done anything remotely sexual with someone else, period, much less with the girl who hung the stars, moon, and sun in his eyes. What was he supposed to do? There was nowhere to escape to in his own bedroom, no running away from his problems that made him uncomfortable. No, he had to stand there with his head down and his crotch dripping wet while he practically begged her to leave. He had never been so ashamed of himself. He had never felt so pathetic.

But then Y/N surprised him like she never failed to do: she’d given him reassurance, another kiss even, while telling him that she actually enjoyed the experience—went so far as to say it was the best in her life. Now he knew she was lying to spare his feelings. Of all the men Y/N had been with, there was no way a virgin cumming untouched in his pants was the best of them. She was cruel to make him believe otherwise, to give him false hope.

He wouldn’t allow himself to think any differently. He couldn’t allow himself to get hurt.

Which was why he made it his mission to avoid her at all costs—something he’d gotten very good at over the past few months, and the past few weeks, specifically.

But in the same way he’d learned from the patterns of her daily routine and used them as a means to remain hidden, she’d also learned his and utilized them to her advantage as well. It was the only explanation as to how he was turning a corner inside the art building (about to take the rear exit, since she usually waited for him out front) and suddenly she was standing right in front of him.

He instantly skidded to a halt, heart rate shooting to astronomical levels and eyes widening on their own accord. “Y-Y/N,” he stuttered out involuntarily, the sight of her causing every single detail of their time spent together to come rushing back to him like a tidal wave ready to wipe him out.

As if he needed another excuse to think about the moment they shared that had changed him forever, about the way her moans sounded in his ear and her body felt on his lap and the way she touched his cheek, his neck, the way her lips felt on his skin, god help him—

Already he could feel the beginnings of a blush start to rise to his suddenly hot cheeks, and he cleared his throat and shifted his weight from one foot to the other to keep from springing yet another boner in front of her.

He slid his books in front of his waist, just in case.

While she usually approached him with the natural ease of self-confidence and charm, today she seemed worried, unsure. She chewed at her lower lip—something he didn’t think she really ever did, as he would certainly remember the way it stirred within him—and looked up at him beneath delicate lashes that framed her eyes.

He didn’t have it in him to keep from outright staring at her beauty.

“I… I missed you,” she finally murmured, and he felt the breath physically whoosh from his lungs to join his butterfly-filled stomach all the way at the floor.

It had been a few days since he’d last seen her, since she’d been in his room that night where they opened up about their past and confessed how they truly felt about one another and shared the most life-altering moment he’d ever experienced. He missed her too, god he missed her. He missed everything about her the moment she left his side—would picture her face in his mind as soon as she left his field of vision. But for some reason unknown to him, she was too kind to him, spared his feelings despite knowing what little experience he had. There was no way he’d be able to satisfy a girl—mentally, physically, emotionally—who could have anyone she wanted. Perhaps she pitied him. Either way, if she wouldn’t put a stop to it, then he would.

Or so he’d try, but alas, nothing ever went according to his plans where Y/N was concerned. And here she was, three simple words mumbled into existence and he couldn’t even remember his own name, much less why he’d been trying to fight this.

She seemed to expect he would say nothing—either that or she’d grown used to his silence—because before he had enough sense in him to even think about responding, she was speaking again. “How have you been?”

The question was asked with deliberate, genuine curiosity and concern; she really wanted to know if he was okay, how he was handling things after what had transpired between them. And no matter how hard Jungkook tried to fight this, fight her, fight himself, he was only human.

And so he stopped fighting.

“I– I missed you too,” he breathed out, and it was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and relocated to his gut. He tensed at his confession, mentally berated himself for his words even though she’d been the one to say them first. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, what with the way his throat locked up.

Though the second he witnessed the smile that sprang to her tantalizing lips, he felt as light as a feather floating in the breeze.

“You did?” Her eyes lit up, sparkled under the fluorescent hallway lights that still managed to capture all of her beauty despite the unflattering lighting. He didn’t think it was possible for any scenery, not even that of a dull and stuffy university building, to make her appear any less breathtaking than she always was.

“I was so worried after I left last week,” she continued without prompt. The mention of his premature finish had him stiffening in dread, though she didn’t let enough silence fester between her words for the anxiety to claw its way up his throat. “I didn’t want you to beat yourself up. I’ve noticed you tend to be too hard on yourself sometimes.” She glanced up at him with the hint of a sheepish grin dancing on her lips.

Her expression said it all: that’s an understatement.

And this shocked him to his core, because she was absolutely right.

Just how well had she gotten to know him in their time spent together over the last few months? And how? And why?

The last question would always boggle him until the end of time; he would never understand why she was interested in him. Why was he the one she had feelings for, when she claimed she never had feelings for anybody? Though he supposed he could ask himself the same thing: why did he feel things for Y/N that he had never felt for anyone else in his life? And the answer was quite simple, really: because it was her.

He didn’t know what about himself was so special to make him stand out in her mind, and as a result he still couldn’t help but be skeptical, even after her confession. But it wasn’t like he had any choice in the matter on what to do with that skepticism—not when his heart kept leading him back to her.

At some point after her accurate description of the inner turmoil that’s been plaguing his mind, his mouth had fallen open slightly. He couldn’t hide the surprise from his face even if he tried; he was speechless.

Y/N gazed up at him, not seeming in any hurry to rush the conversation along, and for that he was grateful. He’d never met somebody so patient and understanding before—just another reason to make Jungkook’s heart flutter with endearment. And it was no secret to himself anymore that he yearned to be in Y/N’s presence for as long as possible whether he was aware of it or not.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, you know,” she continued as if she could read his mind, and that was when he realized the way his eyes avoided hers and the fact that his skin was the color of tomatoes must’ve been dead giveaways. “I meant it when I said that was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.”

Jungkook balked, practically choking on his spit at her forward, shameless words. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to the way she spoke her mind so openly without any fear holding her back. She’d gone through so much in her childhood, in her life—Jungkook not even knowing the half of it, he’s sure—and yet she was still so strong and brave and everything he wasn’t. He couldn’t help but admire the person she was today, despite all the prejudice and judgment he’d held for her when they first met.

He realized now that he was too quick to judge her, to write her off based on rumors and first impressions. He realized now that he was too quick to do that to a lot of people. Just how long had he closed himself off from others based on his skewed, morally righteous perspective? His whole life, if he had to say.

The epiphany that she was physically prying open his third eye with a crowbar, that he was now self aware and changing for the better for her—for himself—hit him all at once.

It was the most frightening sensation of his life, the introvert in him wanting to crawl back into his shell where it was safe and comfortable and dull. But deep down he knew it was also for the best.

“W-why?” He heard himself asking before he knew what he was doing. “Why do you keep saying that?”

He had to know why she insisted on standing by her statement that his mishap was not only hot, but the hottest ever. Why did she insist on lying to him, on giving him false hope? She spoke her mind in every other situation, or at least that’s what he assumed; why did she insist on sparing his feelings in this incident? Was he really that pathetic? Did she pity him that much?

She simply blinked at him once, twice, before: “Because I really like you, Jungkook.”

As if in slow motion, you could visibly see his eyes expand to the size of saucers at your words.

You would’ve found the sight comical had the situation been any different. But the way he continued to disbelieve that you could have feelings for him, that you could be attracted to everything about him despite who he was, despite his inexperience—it made your heart break in your chest. You now knew from where this inferiority complex stemmed—he’d told you himself about his family situation—and if anything, it made you want to rebuild his confidence that much more. He needed to see himself the way you saw him.

But you also didn’t want to overwhelm him, either. And you were more than willing to walk that fine line with Jungkook no matter how long it took.

“So are we on for a study sesh tonight?” You continued nonchalantly, wanting to return things to normalcy for him as much as possible before he ran away mid-conversation as he’d done so many times before. You wanted to ease his self-doubt so he’d stop avoiding you—like he’d been doing the past few days—as much as possible.

Jungkook blinked as if trying to adjust from the whiplash of your subject-change. “U–uh… if you want?”

“Of course I want to,” you replied without missing a beat, not caring how desperate you seemed so long as he didn’t question where you stood. You took a step forward, unable to help the intangible, magnetic draw you felt to him as you gazed up at him beneath your lashes. “That is… if you want to.”

You watched in agony as a gulp slowly raked its way down his throat.

“I–” his voice was hoarse before he cleared his throat. “I uh, can’t tonight. I have to study for math.”

You weren’t even sure how one studied for math, but you weren’t about to question the expert. “That’s fine! We could… do it tomorrow?”

Jungkook chewed at his bottom lip, an action he always did when he was internally struggling with something before he finally nodded his head yes in a slow, hesitant manner. “N–not in my room though,” he added as an afterthought, and when your gaze snapped to his he had a pleading expression in his eyes.

A mix of emotions rolled through you. On one hand, you were horrified at the possibility that he thought the only reason you wanted to study again was so that you could get in his pants. Which—okay, you’re not going to lie, you would love to have a repeat of last week—but that definitely wasn’t why you wanted to see him. He meant more to you than just a means to get off, which was what you’d thought of flings in the past. You didn’t want him to be just a fling, though.

You didn’t want to think of the meaning behind that fact right now, either.

But on another hand, you understood where Jungkook was coming from. Maybe it was because you’d studied him enough over the past few months to learn some of his behavior (for once you finally saw the appeal of studying), so you knew that level of intimacy was probably extremely overwhelming for Jungkook and he needed a moment to step back. Hell, it was even overwhelming for you, and that was saying something. Never had your senses, your heart, your body, your soul been attacked like that with such an abundance of emotional pleasure, and you hoped with all your might that Jungkook was feeling the same—that that was the reason he needed a breather from being alone with you, and not the fact that he just didn’t want to be intimate with you.

Unless…

Oh god, had you misread the situation entirely? Had Jungkook hated everything about that night?

Suddenly you were feeling sick to your stomach. The thought of you misunderstanding his confession—or worse, him changing his mind completely—made you want to escape to a dark and desolate stairwell and cry in the hidden nooks of the windowsill again; the irony that not only would you be pulling a Jungkook by escaping mid-conversation, but that the stairwell was also the place the two of you had your first real conversation, wasn’t lost on you.

“M–my roommate is staying in, studying for finals.” The sound of Jungkook’s voice was like a breath of fresh air whooshing into your lungs after almost drowning underwater. You blinked out of your inner turmoil, focusing on him. “So he’ll be there, i–in my room, this whole week.”

And suddenly your heart was warming with relief, hope, appreciation, like flowers blooming in the spring after a torrential downpour. Just when you thought you had him figured out, this enigma of a boy continued to surprise you. It was usually easy for you to hide your emotions—you’d been doing so for years, always wore a mask around others so that they couldn’t see the real you—and yet somehow, Jungkook must’ve sensed them anyway. He sensed the doubt, the pain, the fear that you vowed never to cage you crawling up your throat and threatening to consume you whole, and he eased it. He didn’t want you to misunderstand him. He wanted to reassure you.

If anything, that was just a testament to how Jungkook had broken down your walls—how much you had let him in, how well he was able to read the emotions you wanted to keep hidden. Your mask had begun to break, the real you showing through the cracks, and Jungkook was still standing here. He hadn’t run away.

You fought the urge to grab him and slam your lips onto his.

“Not in your room, then,” is all you managed to breathe out beneath a fluttering smile.

[sxfik]

Why is hanseok considered the greater evil, and vincenzo the lesser evil?? I genuinely dont understand, can you explain it to me please??

hiii thank you so much for sending me an ask!! i'm not going to lie, i saw this ask a long while ago when you originally sent it but it took me a long while to answer it because i really had to think about it and also it's kind of a hard question for me to answer. but, i will attempt my best to kinda give my thoughts on why we consider vincenzo as the "lesser evil."

first, i need to say that both vincenzo nor han seok are good people and i am not saying that either of them are good people. i am simply comparing their evil levels and explaining why we as viewers often find vincenzo to be the lesser evil than han seok.

second, we need to define what evil means in this context (which is kinda hard because it depends on each person's perception but aaa) if we're considering someone evil for purely their actions, excluding motivations, then both vincenzo and han seok are the same level of evil. han seok brutally murders, and psychologically and physically abuses people. vincenzo's actions (aka setting people on fire, abusing and murdering people, torturing people, etc.) also makes him evil.

BUT if you define evil through motivation, then vincenzo and han seok are still evil but not on the same level of evil. yes, both characters commit bad actions but their motivations are different. vincenzo kills only when given a reason to. for example, we know that a robber killed his foster parents so when he joined the mafia he both psychologically and physically tortured him for almost a year (now whether the method of killing is a justifiable or an equal punishment for the crime is an entirely different question and i just won't be able to answer that because it's just so hard and complex of a question.) he sets the warehouse on fire to get revenge on behalf of the victims of the drug produced in said factory. he kills the two people who killed cha young's father and he kills the people who set up the family of the dead researchers to look like a suicide. he only kills or tortures people who have done a wrong against him or the people he cares about.

on the other hand, han seok kills and tortures for his own amusement and gain. he kills the prosecutor with the hockey stick because he didn't get his way and they annoyed him. he allows and gives the resources to choi myung hee to kill or maim anyone that gets in the way of his plans. han seok murdered his classmates for no reason other than he didn't get what he wanted. and most of all, he tortured and abused han seo just for his amusement. han seo was his punching bag, where he would belittle and abuse him in order for han seok to get his anger out. he does bad actions without a given or justifiable reason. he would play with han seo and keep him on the edge at all times, because he got a power rush from it. so when you compare vincenzo and han seok's motivations for their actions, i don't think you can say that vincenzo is the same level of evil as han seok.

we also don't see vincenzo attacking someone beloved to the person who has done wrong in order to get revenge. for example, in order to hurt vincenzo, han seok kills vin's mother, who has not done anything wrong this situation. but with vincenzo, we never see that happening. even though we see vincenzo hanging out with prosecutor jung's family after he betrays them, there's not a moment that he actively threatens or attacks prosecutor jung's family. he doesn't threaten prosecutor jung or tell him he will kill his family because in his mind, it's not justifiable to take the life on another person who hasn't done wrongdoing in order to hurt the person who has. for han seok this is not true, he has killed or attacked innocent people to make his enemy hurt.

another reason we are bound to consider vincenzo 'a lesser evil' is because of remorse. despite vincenzo's motivations or actions, he displays remorse and regret for the killing he has done. han seok, on the other hand, does not. Vincenzo is haunted by the killings he has done, by the blood he has spilled and we don't ever see that ending even when he gains a family and gains love. even if he can justify his actions, he is still regretful of what he had to do. han seok does not show the same remorse as him, only feeling bad when it is his life that's under threat in the very last scene. not to mention that he brags about killing, he gets power and happiness from his killings both when he killed his classmates as well as when he killed the prosecutor. han seok takes pleasure in his actions, as he is shown dancing and being gleeful as he kills vincenzo's mother and many others. he has no regret or shame in what he has done.

in so many law and crime shows we see a "morally" good hero who "spares" the villain in the end because it is the "right thing to do" despite a) killing all their side minions that helped the villain and b) all of the villains evil actions and harm they have caused the victims. we, as viewers, often aren't satisfied at the end because we're not seeing the punishment match up to the crime. this show's main thesis is showing that han seok is so evil that no law or justice system can properly punish him for the pain and abuse he has inflicted on his victims AND because this system that is supposed to punish him is just as cruel and corrupt as he is. it's highlighting the injustice to the victims of babel as a corporation, victims of the justice and law system and victims of han seok himself. vincenzo is showing that he is the best punishment for han seok because vincenzo is a mirror to him and han seok in the end is getting a taste of his own medicine.

all of this is why that last monologue of the show is important. we, as viewers, are watching a show that frames vincenzo as the main protagonist. his actions and him are framed in a way to make us root for him, with the music and the cinematography. but we're also given small reminders of who he actually is throughout the show: through the nightmares he faces, through mr. tak telling him not to change into a lighter person, through the scene where he faces han seok in jail. and finally, that ending monologue is showing that no, he is still a bad person. he is still an evil person who is committing bad actions and us rooting for him to punish the villains in this show does not change the badness of his actions. really, that last line in vincenzo is making us question whether his actions are justifiable and can we actually root for him.

feel free to disagree with me or start a conversation below because i feel like this is a really interesting question but the answer to this changes based on each person's perception of morality and what constitutes a good person and a bad person. i feel like this is such a deep question and there's so many ways and angles that you can look at this from so i don't think i've done a great job in explaining everything but this was just what i came up with for today. there's also every chance that my line of reasoning or logic is flawed so i'm open to any criticisms to this so i can acknowledge and correct it!

(also if you want a good kdrama that asks these same questions and has that same energy as vincenzo then please watch taxi driver! it’s a great show and it really makes you think about the earlier questions of “does the punishment given out by vigilante justice match the crime committed by these people? to what extent is vigilante justice justifiable? where does the law draw the line between giving the victims of brutal crime justice vs protecting the criminal from cruel and unusual punishments?”)

[lemons3ason]

Shaman King Cheating Headcannons

*Everyone is aged up*

*Dont y’all dare hate on Anna and Jeanne, I fucking ship YohxAnna and RenxJeanne so hard! THEYRE ADORABLE!*

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoh Asakura

-You knew it was coming eventually, he loved Anna and you but from the start you knew Anna was the only one he would ever truly love.

-Truly it didn’t surprise you when you found them on the couch kissing up a storm.

-Of course it hurt, but you just smiled and walked up to your room to pack your things up in order to leave.

-Yoh rushed into the room to speak with you but when your cold dead eyes stared into his no words could come out of his mouth.

-“Stay healthy and strong Yoh, and don’t break Anna’s heart like you broke mine.”, you whispered staying just out of reach from his touch.

-No matter how much he wanted to speak his voice wouldn’t leave his throat, he looked guilty but you simply hugged him goodbye and whispered, “I fucking hate you, Yoh Asakura.”, before leaving.

-Amidamaru couldn’t even believe what his young master had done but he quietly stood by and watched you leave.

-It was rare to see Yoh cry, but as you walked past the gates of his home he couldn’t help but tremble and sob.

-He was never good at handling people disliking him but never once before did he have someone actually hate and loathe him.

-Yoh knew he wouldn’t get to see you again or apologize for his actions but he truly did love you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horokeu Usui

-This one hurt a little more then Yoh’s incident, mostly because Pirika was there to witness him cheating on you with some girl from the city.

-His eyes contained nothing but shock and regret when he realized you and Pirika had caught him in the act, he tried to explain but to your surprise it was Pirika herself who slapped him.

-With him now on the ground from the impact of her hand she grabbed your wrist and dragged you out of the room so you wouldn’t shed any tears in front of him.

-You broke down in the halls as you were dragged away, the tears wouldn’t stop no matter how much you wiped them away. You didn’t understand why he would do it.

-“Piri...Piri why? I don’t get it. Why did he do it?”, you cried brushing your tears away.

-“I’m not sure hun. I-I wish I knew.”

-Horohoro was always loyal to you, you were his snow bunny, so why? Why would he do it after filling your head with the sweet thoughts of marriage and family?

-You left that night, you didn’t bother answering his calls or texts and according to your spirit partner he pleaded desperately with them to contact you for him.

-You decided to go back to your hometown and refused to associate with him even as he continued to seek you out.

-Even when you blocked him he still sent you voicemails and messages through Pirika’s phone but you wouldn’t forgive him. Not after how heartbroken the betrayal left you.

-“(Y/n), I’m sorry please let me see you so I can explain. I can’t lose you like this, snow bunny please come back!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ren Tao

-You didn’t except him to ever cheat, you loved him and he idolized you like a goddess so when you found him and Jeanne naked in his office it was hard to stomach.

-“Well I see you’re hard at work my love.”, you spoke just loud enough for them to hear you.

-Jeanne quickly covered up but Ren took his time, he had something on his mind and you were ready to hear it. How much worse could it be, your heart was already broken.

-“(Y/n), we need to end this.”, he simply stated his eyes staring deep into your own glossy hues.

-You always hated his cold glare, you took a deep breath and simply nodded your head, “You fell out of love didn’t you?”, you sighed not waiting for an answer, placing his lunch on his desk before you quietly turned on your heels and left.

-Jun noticed you leaving and smiled brightly at you hugging you as you tried to hide your pain. You were always accepting of others...even if you ended up the most hurt by their actions.

-You whispered goodbye but she didn’t understand why until she walked into Ren’s office to see him and Jeanne.

-You disappeared like nothing, nobody could find you or contact you but when they finally could it was years later and it was Jeanne inviting you to the wedding in an attempt to make amends with you.

-In a way their marriage was a sad day because you never did show up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lyserg Diethel

-He changed, you knew something was going on when you noticed how cruel he had suddenly became towards you.

-It didn’t surprise you one day when you saw him passionately kissing another woman at the front door of your home.

-You tried to stay calm but your inner rage had consumed your train of thought and your body reacted on its own. Before any of you could understand what had just happened his mistress had been pulled down the stairs by her hair and his cheek swelled from the intense impact of your opened hand.

-“(Y-Y/n)?”, he gasped holding his cheek.

-Your groceries were quickly discarded from your hand and replaced by a gun that was brimming with your Furyoku and oversoul, your pointed it right between his eyes and a dead expression etched itself over your face.

-“If you had a mistress you should’ve just told me that you didn’t love me anymore and left.”, you yelled shoving the stupid engagement ring he had given you into his chest as you released your oversoul and entered your home.

-“W-wait I-I-“

-“Get out of my home Lyserg. If you love her then leave with her I’m not stopping you.”, you growled in disgust as he dared to touch your wrist.

-“(Y/n) don’t do this!”, he warned his common sense suddenly returning as guilt flooded his heart.

-You slammed the door on his face and ignored his cries for you, he knew what he had done and you’d be a fool to even consider forgiving him.

-Your patience had run out and it would never return.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hao Asakura

-Genuinely you know this man doesn’t care that he’s been caught.

-“Stop blubbering like a child (Y/n), can’t you see you’re not wanted here?”, he’ll growl.

-In a fit of rage you quickly spat back, “Fine if you want a whore as your queen then that’s fine by me! I know my worth and it’s not worth staying by your side!”

-Doesn’t think much of your simple words and continues his enjoyment with the stranger he’s picked up until he realizes your words actually meant something.

-He’s the most yandere and possessive of all the boys.

-Even as you’re crying in pure anger and humility he simply brushes you off and tells you that it’s your fault for walking in when you shouldn’t have.

-When you actually somehow succeed in leaving he’s furious, burning not only the wench that he cheated on you with but also the follower that was supposed to stand guard over you.

-Seeks you out mercilessly killing anyone that stands in his way.

-When he finds you again he’s claiming you his bride regardless if you like it or not, thankfully his family helps protect you and they become your sanctuary until Hao eventually realizes that you were never his because you stopped loving him.

-“Should’ve expected that you would leave me just like everyone else.”, he’d growl feeling sorry for himself.

-“No you just pushed me away, that’s your own flaw.”

[xsamuu]

HEYYYYY!! I saw your ask box was open and I was wondering if I could request a headcanon? Where the reader is in a massive fight with a friend they haven't seen for like 3 years and the friend takes it too far by saying something like "That's your boyfriend? How gross" "Ew why does he look like that? Couldn't grab someone better? Ugly ho" or whatever you come with? Tendou, Bokuto, Kenma, Kags, Nishinoya please, if you will?

I screeched when I saw this omg thank you I hope this is up to your standards bebs 😼👍🏾 but uh I should say some did come out a little bit like scenarios but I tried to stick to headcanons sorry for that still hope you enjoy 🎃😼

~Admin Rizzo

Tendou Satori

-you was minding your own business walking through a park your hands intertwined with your lover when a ✨m u s t y✨ old friend you knew had decided to share there unwanted opinions

-Tendou could see how uncomfortable you was and wanted to remove you from the situation but as he went to walk around the obstacle you stopped dead in your tracks

-“That’s who your with oh my god that’s fucking gross, I guess you’ll hook up with anyone you thot”

-It’s safe to say that tendou had come up with thousands of insults by the time the slur left there mouth

-Who even was this person?— WAIT WHO THEY CALLING A THOT?!

-you wasn’t a very confrontational person but nevertheless you wasn’t about to let this person who wasn’t even in your day to day life anymore talk smack about your man

-you went to retaliate when a big arm swooped around your shoulder catching you off guard

-“Babe lets go I wanted to bring you to the park today not a circus” 🤡

-Needless to say your ‘friend’ was shocked and maybe a little intimidated

-You on the other hand had to summon all the strength in your body not to laugh in there face

-With his arm still wrapped around he moved you away from the situation the both of you quickly changing the subject to something more important

Bokuto Kōtarō

-Bokuto loves spoiling you

-your the love of his life and he will make sure you know this not only through his words but also his actions

-this however works both ways there isn’t something you wouldn’t do to show him how much you support and love him

-You was sitting in the crowd at one of his games it was a very important one winning this match would definitely get him recognized by some powerhouse teams

-every time he would score a point for his team he would look up at you and every time you would be there imitating his celebration “HEY HEY HEY THATS MY ACE” You felt only pride and absolute infatuation with this man

-you was cheering your heart out when you suddenly felt someone bump your shoulder (a little too hard to be an accident—)

-You swung your head around only to come face to face with an old friend from middle school they looked bitter asf and your conscience was telling you to just ignore them

-“Oh you have nothing to say to me now Huh? I see your at another one of these boring ass games I thought you didn’t have time for people?”

-It’s true at one point you did say that but you didn’t think you’d loose one of your closest friends because of it even so you continue to ignore them hoping they’d get the message and leave

-they didn’t.

-“So you and number 4 are together I’m assuming. I guess ugly attracts ugly”

-immediately you saw red but you couldn’t ruin this for bokuto important people were here. As if he could sense your distress he shot his eyes up to where you were in the stand

-He called a time out, and started running out the gym everyone was confused but when he reappeared in the stands you knew all to well that he had caught on

-“Babe I just noticed your supposed to be closer to the match your an important guest” he smiled you mouthed him a thank you and gathered your things walking a few rows closer to the front

-Thankfully Akaashi was there looking up at you distracting you. The owllike man glared at your old friend “I don’t know what you did to Y/N but you better leave before you have another problem”

-When you looked back your ex friend was nowhere to be seen you giggled as bokuto gave you a big kiss before returning to the court

Kozume Kenma

-Kenma isn’t a contentious person in fact he would much rather settle an issue in the most inconspicuous way possible

-Even so if he feels that him or his partner was disrespected in anyway he will not hesitate

-You and Kenma was at a gaming convention you had been planning since the beginning of February (it’s now late April)

-You had sat through the entrance ceremony and was walking around admiring all the stalls and you were both having so much fun

-Kenma had left you for a split second to get someone’s autograph it was the animator from a game he played religiously you didn’t mind you stayed put and was scrolling through your phone

-“Long time no see y/n” you lifted your head to the sound of your name being called and made perfect eye contact with an old ‘friend’

-If you were being completely honest you hated them all they did was make you feel like an inferior insect whenever you two were together you hummed a ‘yo’ before going back to your phone

-“Still a quiet freak eh LuLu I guess you here on your own or something”

-Lulu was the name of a magical girl from a cartoon you used to love but upon finding out people would use it to mock and degrade you

-you was gonna walk away the ridiculous nickname when you heard a familiar voice

-“no y/n is with me and you are?” It was a genuine question but anyone who didn’t know Kenma would take his pack of expression as bored or sarcastic

-The person scoffed and pointed accusingly at Kenma “That’s who your with LuLu you couldn't do any better HE’S JUST AS LIFELESS AS YOU ARE”

-You tugged on Kenma sleeve motioning to just leave as you felt uncomfortable but Kenma wasn’t having it you had been so excited to be here and with him and this nobody came out of nowhere and started harassing you

-“Listen um going to say this in a way you could understand— he smirked at you and then opened his mouth again

-What escaped his mouth next left you shocked, scared, a little embarrassed for him even but mostly touched

-he cleared his throat

-“lifeless. I’m not lifeless in fact I have a burning hatred for you right now. And that why I feel no guilt in what I’m about to do.”

-You gulped and held on tighter to kenma’s sleeve mentally preparing yourself for what he was about to do

-“YoU HaTe LuLu’S tRanSforMatiOn sOng?!” He practically shouted. Instantly a horde or gamers, writers, weebs and more bombarded the area shouting and screaming and causing a scene

- From all the commotion it’s sounded like your ‘friend’ was ok but some of the words leaving the mouths of the mob were kinda cruel

-you smirked and Kenma led you away

-You know he doesn’t like being the center of attention but he still protected you and for that you’d be sure to thank him for that

Kageyama Tobio

-Kags never really liked leaving you behind when he had to go to different countries

-without you it made him anxious and you would reassure him that you’d be fine and eagerly awaiting his return

-Including the return of his big, fat juicy—

Ahem heart 🙂

-You had been sitting in a café Face Timing him

-You’d often have dates like this and you both enjoyed them you was talking to him when someone took up a seat next to you

-“Hey Y/n funny running into you here” a familiar voice echoed

-A w k w a r d you hadn’t seen or heard from this person since a fight you had a couple years ago why now?

-You had nearly forgotten about your boyfriend on the other side of your iPad screen until “Oh you bought a friend y/n”

-you was at a loss for words but before you could answer the unwanted annoyance to your left answered for you

-‘We’re not friends y/n cut me off because she’s toxic” it took kageyama a solid 10 seconds to realize that this wasn’t a real friend and that you were silently asking for help

-You rested your head in hand obscuring the person from kags field of vision therefore blocking there vision of your face and boyfriend

-hoping they’d get the message without you having to vocalize it

-they stood up and you let out a breath you didn’t know you was holding

-“I wasn’t checking out your friend don’t worry he isn’t my type I prefer cute boys” they spat

-Before you could even assess the fact that they pretty much called your boyfriend ugly you was already pissed at the fact that they referred to kags as your friend

-you stood up abruptly and it’s like they were waiting for you to loose your cool all hope was lost when you heard him clear his throat

-“[there Instagram name] Damn you was easy to find. I liked you post”

-You felt a tinge of confusion race through you but watching all the blood in there body rush to your friends face made you curious

-“DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW” people were definitely looking in your direction

-“Leave then I will” Now you was curious what the help did he do?

-seconds, literal seconds. The annoyance was nowhere to be seen

-“Kags..wha—”

“I shared there IP address in the comments :p”

- “PFFT kAgS!”

Nishinoya Yū

-Noya made sure that you felt like the only person in the world before he asked you out, so when you started dating you didn’t think he could get any more protective over you

-You was sitting in the cinema with him both smiling and listening on to the movie

-He fidgets a lot in his seat but you dont mind you know he cant help it besides you find it cute he is just so full of energy

-“Babe imma go to the toilet be right back” he kissed your cheek and left

-you continue to watch the movie until you feel someone slither into the seat next to you and hearing the voice your your temples irks and your expression one of annoyance

-One of your ex friends for how many years ago had to be in the same theatre at the same time on the SAME FUCKING DAY

-they didn't seem like they were moving so you just spoke first

- “can i help you.?” 

-No response :/

-You were even more irritated than before

-Noya came back a few minutes later and noticed another person had sat right next to you 

-Noya is dense VERY VERY DENSE he assumed you ran into one of your friends so he didn't question it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-After the movie finished you grabbed your things and rushed to get out of that situation

-The same person had finally said something after a whole hour

- “That’s who you came with.. You really know how to pick em an annoying toddler really Y/n your honestly pathetic--”

-It didn’t bother Noya he has been called short all his life this isn’t any different but this rando was obviously upsetting you and he would NOT have that

-Noya would step infront of you and confront the person they get a warning 

-one fucking warning 

-If they don’t take it i shit you not noya is going for the ankles periodt

- “I DONT KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE BUT YOUR UPSETTING MY PARTNER THE FUCKING DOOR IS BEHIND YOU SO TURN AROUND”

-Noya looked like the aggressor and its safe to say he may have caused a scene but he would be a fool not to step in and protect you with all you got

[fitzefitcher]

faction conflict soapbox, pt. 1

okay so it seems like for the most part, there are a couple consistent schools of thought here:

school 1: I'm tired of the Horde being the Bad Guy 24/7

school 2: I'm tired of faction conflict, in general

school 3: Really Deeply wish that the Alliance's crimes would actually be Addressed, At All

school 4: Nuanced Wild Card:tm: opinions that I'll have to tackle individually lmao

so let's get started, obviously this is going to be a long-ass post, so I'm going to preemptively break up my answers to these into separate posts, for readability and also for my own sanity lmao. this will be under my essay tag but also the tag faction conflict soapbox, for blacklisting reasons.

school 1: I'm Tired of the Horde being the Bad Guy 24/7

@lokaror: i dont tend to have much of it these days. But i hate the "Horde is always the bad guy" stuff. When faction war happens its rarely with too much nuance on either side. The group that is primarily outcasts banding together seemingly always having the bad apples chafes too. But i also see from alliance side that it can be just as raw the other way.

The alliance sprang up out of need to for mutual defense, and the horde is the horde because they also need mutual aid and defence. We can't really put too much real world ideals to either, but at its core its always a tinder that can be lit. No way around that.

@chryseis: Long time blood elf player! I still love the horde (even though most of my favourite lore characters are alliance lol) because it feels like more of a community than the alliance with their high king. However I'm getting super sick of the horde always being the bad guy, and the fact that blizz has used the same evil warchief plot twice! Having said that, some of my worst/funniest online interactions have been with men on twitter who play alliance and genuinely (1/2)

Believe that anyone who plays horde is a terrible war criminal and not someone playing a computer game lmao (2/2)

@arkhamarchitecture​:  Feels a lot like Blizzard can't resist making the Horde the villains and even when the Alliance does wrong, it gets written off and excused, like they're not allowed to be the bad guys. Which in turn makes a lot of Alliance players treat the Horde like Blizzard is biased in our favor just because the story is always about us? Even though the story is about our side apparently being full of godawful people? It's really infuriating.

I think a core issue w this is the way that the game often presents the Horde and its various characters without the same empathy that it gives to its Alliance characters (note I said "empathy" and not "nuance" or "character development," we'll get back to that later), so it's not that horde people are incapable of inspiring empathy or aren't empathetic themselves, clearly they are and have evoked that reaction enough from players to arrive at this conclusion, it's that the same sort of steps taken with portraying alliance characters aren't taken with horde characters. like, I've already covered this a bit in my sylvanas essay, but like, we're not really given any opportunity to understand what's going on inside her head, so the actions she takes feel nonsensical, unecessary, or even needlessly cruel, and seemingly as players interacting with this game we have to make a lot of extra effort in order to even attempt to understand it. like, example, the "before the storm" novel portrays her as this horrible, conniving, manipulative Evil Dictator, for not wanting to share vital information about azerite with a faction whose leader has effectively done nothing to curb the warmongering tendencies of its other leaders, when in fact, it's very understandable why she wouldn't wanna do this. But again, the author (Christie Golden, bc of course it is) very explicitly portrays her as Bad Bad Evil Zombie Lady for Daring to think that they can't trust the same faction that seems to take issue with the mere concept of the horde having the Audacity of thinking they Deserve to Live lmao. Like, clearly this is Happening, but's never talked about or formally addressed.

likewise, with Garrosh, our other Bad Bad Evil Dictator Warchief, despite all the weird, wretched, horrible shit he was doing, it unfortunately makes a really terrible kind of sense if examined further.

why did he turn away from the horde leaders? because they had all uniformly rejected him from the getgo. cairne said he'd never accept him, vol'jin said he'd kill him, sylvanas made it clear she would never respect his authority. all before he'd done a single solitary thing as warchief.

why did he turn to war so quickly and so strongly? because nothing else was working. thrall's horde had tried diplomacy for years, and it amounted to nothing, because no matter what he did, no matter how far the horde ran from the eastern kingdoms, the alliances wouldn't stop chasing them and trying to kill them. the alliance would never see them as actual people, they'd only ever see them as twisted monsters and bloodthirsty, mindless beasts.

why did he turn to such violent, inhumane methods? bc the entirety of his first real brush with warfare was in northrend, against the scourge, an enemy that will keep getting up again and again and again until they're utterly annihilated. and before that, all his experiences with conflict were with demons, who were similarly impossible to kill.

like, obviously none of these reasons make it okay for him to do what he had done. just because something is understandable, doesn't mean it's acceptable. but it's never portrayed as understandable. it's never addressed, at all. there is no nuance attached to any of his actions- it is only ever portrayed as Evil, as Manipulative and Conniving and Violent and Warmongering, even though there is a whole slew of reasons for how and why we got here. there is no emotionality, there is only cruelty.

edit: whoops, forgot a relevant ask. added now.

[aquagustd]

Nooo why are people coming after tae!! 🙁 He hasn’t done anything that warrants suspicion I dont think?? Maybe I missed something but I got the impression that he genuinely cares about the oc!! In comparison to jk whose behaviour is 💀 I don’t even know man lmaooo

Although I do wanna say (pls i hope you don’t take this the wrong way I am not in any way defending anyone who is being rude in your inbox!!) I think I do kinda understand the people who are trying to rationalize jk’s behaviour and as as a result are making up all these theories that deviate from your storyline, I think maybe people (myself included) saw that it will be a love triangle and are thinking: if jk and oc get together in any way down the line surely there must be something that makes him redeemable? There must be some reason for his actions that will make sense later on!! To me, that’s the only reason i can think of as to why oc would give him a “chance” later on in the story!! Even though tae is the obvious better choice right now, since none of us readers know the ending or who she will end up with/if she will even end up with anyone at all, we’re just trying to make it make sense for ourselves!!

Also this one is just personal and because I’m a bit of a romantic delulu lolol and i don’t want to believe that someone could be as cruel as jk has been for no good reason!! 😞 but yeah!!!! In my opinion your writing is so bloody good it’s got all your readers’ emotions running high!! I’m sorry if we’re getting on your nerves with the theories please try and bear with us!! Lol ♥️

you’re not getting on my nerves at all !! it’s fun to read the theories haha. except if they’re way off

but i do get what you mean. it’s a love triangle au, so surely in the end jk might win a bit of oc’s heart back. even for a little while ?? 🧐

in comparison to tae. jk is a complete ass atm 💀 this was a nice way of putting it instead of just disregarding tae & justifying jks actions ty ✋🏻 we just wanna know WHY he’s acting like this right 🥲

[steadytrashpastacash]

Illena character analysis

The unrighteousness of the Hierarchy took Illena's fragile state of mind and twisted her into a monster. And while we can understand her cruel actions and such she should still be held accountae as she is deserving of the consequences. Narratively, She is not a sympathetic character but instead a pitiful character due to how she is presented in the story

But to provide some background, the high rankers dictating the lives of people beneath them reinforced the idea that power is everything to the mid tiers and that if you have it you're better than anyone who is weaker than you and are allowed to do what you want to them basically, that's part of the why the mid tiers bully the low rankers so much, because that sort of thing is justifiable in their world due to the hierachy.

But they aren't just doing it because they believe that they deserve it, it's deeper than that. The mid tiers want to be respected and or atleast acknowledged/taken seriously for the strength that they possess, just like the high tiers. And with that being said, there are things that the mid tiers cannot do in society because they're simply not strong enough, and because of they're forced to conform to what the high rankers tell them. The mid tiers quite literally hate that they have to listen to the high rankers because they will suffer the consequences and get beat up if they dont. Point is, they're just picking on the lower tiers to feel good about themselves and vent their frustrations in a system where power is everything. Illena is no exception

But she practically sees a former god tier acting all high and mighty/condescending when they've literally been rendered powerless, and notice that they are now attempting to take the moral high ground since that they're the one being discriminated against after losing everything. High tiers wanted mid tiers to know their place but cannot accept their own if they're not in a position of power, that is what Illena learns here.

think about it, all of a sudden they neglect the entire structure of the system and consider beating up low tiers as an injustice when they did not care about what happened to them at all when they were on top of the food chain where she perpetuated the same caste system because it was once beneficial for her. And that seriously pisses off Illena because to her this must mean that Sera still thinks that she's better than them even without any abilities because she decides to fight back/retaliate, perceiving the mid tiers as week (protecting other low tiers in the process and more importantly acting as if she still owns them by telling them what to do and getting into their business, as Illena has said)

And Illena doesnt just kidnap Sera to get back at her specifically, but all of the high tiers in a sense, their arrogance entitlement, etc etc only using Seraphina as an outlet for all of their pent up frustration and hurt. She didn't even see them as an individual, but just another high tier, as we see when Illena addresses Sera using words such as "you guys" "her kind" "them".

Illena basically just wanted to hammer in notion that the high tiers were nothing without their powers to get rid of that same high tier like mindset ingrained in Sera's head to establish her place in the hierarchy as the most worthless and incompetent student in Wellston. All she wanted was for Seraphina to learn her place and act her rank accordingly. Because as a cripple she's worthless, and she should act/be treated as such. For in this society power is everything, and high tiers were the ones who ebstablised this with their Hierachy. Seeing Seraphina acting like she was better than them was unacceptable after everything the high tiers perpetuated

Which we can see here

In this instance, Illena wanted Sera to admit that they were better than her and that she was beneath them

And so, when she refuses. Illena gets pissed off because of her stubbornness, this is when the others step up and tell her that what she's doing is excessive.

Here Krolik implies that they should let Sera go, and this isn't what he tjinks but everyone else present too, as seen as other mid tiers stand by his side. But I am not saying that they felt remorse for Sera necessarily, but felt that torturing her was unnecessary and that if they kept her hostage/continued abusing her they would be severely punished once they're eventually caught, and that just isn't worth it to them as they know that beating her up will ultimately change nothing in the long run, anyway. They just wanted to get back at her for what she did... But not like this

Basically, they want Illena to accept that they don't need confirmation to know that they're better than her, it's a given seeing as Sera's a cripple, having no value/worth. She should just give up...

But she's refuses.....out of pride, insecurity. Needing reassurance, a sense of superiority above someone that was better than them for so long as she is offended by their hypocrisy and double standards

..Anyways when Arlo catches them and calls them disgusting, Illena calls him out for valuing a cripple above the rest of them when they were stronger than her, as following the structure of his hierarchy he shouldn't even care. Usually he would just ignore them anyway. And while it is debateble on whether or not Arlo would do anything if it was someone he didnt know the fact that Illena genuinely believed that he wouldn't step in only reinforces how bad the system really is where no one expects a high tiers to help someone beneath them when they're in trouble. She also said that the high tiers dictate the lives of the people beneath them because they were born gifted and get specials privilege because of it, just because they are stronger than everyone else. And Illena is frustrated that they have to listen to the high tiers, because they're punished if they don't comply, to her it's unfair. The high tiers did whatever they wanted with the mid tiers because they were above them, so the mid tiers should be able to do whatever they want with Sera as she is beneath *them*.

But Arlo just ignores her, and this reinforces her belief that the royals dont care about the feelings/opinions of anyone beneath them since it doesn't matter what lower tiers think because the high tankers will always be stronger, meaing they dont have to listen to shit(The lions do not concern themselves with the opinions of the sheep). And that pisses her off. In that moment, she disregards his rank. Pushing past her fear and trying to sucker punch that bitch. As the only way to get your point across in this world is through violence….but the realization that she can't do shit begins to sink in once she receives reflective damage from his barrier, serving as a reminder that no matter what they really can't do anything, because they're not strong enough. Turns out her little stunt was nothing but a meaningless attempt to change the status quo, this hits Illena hard. And she just accepts that she will probably be expelled

And with all of that said Illena might've been a hypocrital bitch but she still had a valid point.And if anything her being a hypocrite only reinforced how bad the system is at hand as well. Simply put, Illena represents the struggles of being a mid tier and sheds light on their mentality and what they deem jusifiable as a result of their system. She also provides insight on the damaging us vs them mentality and actually had a point in her rant to the high tiers. She had actual depth to her actions other than just being an asshole and had something of importance to say

I like her as a character study. I think her motivations are pretty realistic in context of the world she lives in. She's an product of her environment that shaped her into becoming this bully who resents the higher ups because of their privellege.

And that my friend, is why I like Illena as a character from a narrative standpoint

[interstellarrambles]

I’ve never requested anything from anyone but I’m in desperate need for a billy x goth!reader. Idk just how he noticed her in school cuz she is the only goth person and always asks her out and they flirt but she always rejects him until one day she agrees. Idk if that makes sense but thank u :)

a/n: so I dont know how to feel about this, I might edit and come and change it because I'm not sure of the ending, but if you like it, let me know! I tried to make it sweet at the end but this is definitely out of character for Billy, but I'm soft for him so idc. @savvy7392 I really really really hope you like this im sorry it took ages

harsh, confident and undeniably cool: everyone at Hawkins High knew not to fuck with you - you'd forged your own path in previous years and showed no signs of slowing down any time soon. there was just something about you that made people want to simply observe from the sidelines. known for dark makeup, brash music and taking no one's bullshit, you were somewhat of a divisive figure: people either really hated you and tried to make your life misery (to not much avail) or desperately wanted to befriend you.

somehow, along the way you'd made friends with the likes of Robin and by association, Steve, but you were happy with your small group of friends and didn't really care all that much for your hometown and what (or who) it had to offer.

therefore, when a fresh faced californian boy toy entered Hawkins High, you couldn't deny there was a certain allure to his cool demeanour and newness. unluckily for you, Billy found his place with the current popular kids sucking up to him and soon the rumours about you began to surface again. whenever you caught his eyes within the first few days of his arrival, his gaze would be quickly diverted by Tina or Carol as they glared at you or threw insults. that's why you decided it really wasn't worth getting involved with Billy Hargrove, even if he did have an amazing taste in music.

but God did you misunderstand the lengths to which this boy would go for your attention.

the first few days, Billy would opt for a smile sent your way, enough to make you weak at the knees but not quite enough to make you wander over to him. group projects would be announced in class and when he tried to subtly join you, you'd amble to the opposite end of the room to be with a bunch of kids you didn't even know, just to avoid him. and Billy knew you did it on purpose since after sitting down with your respective groups, you caught his eye and simply winked at him.

almost dropping his pencil in surprise, he was genuinely unable to believe you had successfully ignored him in such a blatant way. smirking back at his gaping mouth and sparklingly amused eyes, you simply laughed it off, sparking a conversation up with the boy next to you as easily as you had rejected Billy. shaking his head in disbelief, he made a promise to himself he'd make you friends with him if it was the last thing he did.

another day, you arrived at school with a too-short black skirt on and Billy felt his heartrate quicken at simply catching one glimpse of you, his blood rushing just a little faster than usual. he would never have the guts to tell you, but he absolutely adored the way you dressed and how good it made you look.

unexpectedly, you treated him to an actual wave this morning, something that fuelled his pursuits. all day, he pestered you in class, forcing those who would usually take the seat next to you to move elsewhere so he could be closer to you. deep blue and bright with attraction, his eyes would drop down to your thighs and the way they looked so amazing in the skirt you were wearing. desperately, he wanted to say something about it to you, but he knew he'd trip over his words; already he had blushed intensely when you caught him staring, though at least he could tell you were enjoying his gaze.

rather annoyingly, you did like the attention, smiling to yourself when he would ignore other people so he could walk you to your next class even if he was rambling to himself the whole time. curls falling in his face and a cheesy grin playing on his cheeks were enough to make butterflies swarm your insides and you had a terrible time trying to hide it.

in reality, you really didn't want to be cruel since it appeared he didn't really have anyone that cared about him much past the muscles and cute eyes, but you also were not about to walk straight into a heartbreak with both eyes open. billy was definitely a bad influence, even to you, the resident goth of Hawkins High, and whether he meant it or not, you knew you would eventually get hurt.

the next time, he plagued your locker with letters and notes and waited next to it, a permanent grin locked onto his features.

a red shirt clung to his biceps, tan skin visible due to the multiple buttons left undone and a silver chain dangling and catching in the light. strong and slightly overpowering yet undeniably attractive, his unique smell of cologne and liquor and maybe a little something else invaded your private space, making you way too nervous to deal with him this late in the day.

weeks of notes and smiles and blue eyes meeting yours way too often had weakened your resolve and if it didn't disgust you so much you would be able to admit Billy was slowly turning your heart to mush. you couldn't listen to mötley crüe without thinking of him and every time you picked out an outfit, you wondered if he'd think you were beautiful or if he'd like the band on your shirt. his compliments and soft gestures like driving you home and giving you his jacket when it was raining (even if it didn't fit your look) had grown on you massively. now you would even go as far to say you enjoyed his company.

"heya baby girl," he drawled, the curl of his plump lips breathtaking in the worst ways, "fancy coming along with me for the evening?"

even though he exuded pure confidence, you didn't miss the way he resembled a kicked puppy when you smiled and responded, "I've got assignments pretty boy, no thanks," shovelling the letters into your bag and turning on your heel to walk home.

unfortunately, this wasn't quite good enough for Billy, hence why he followed quickly, his voice echoing after you, "what's with the ignoring me constantly y/n? you stand at parties and complain about the music and watch me all night and yet you walk away when I come up to you. I've seen you staring at me in class sometimes or at lunch when I'm not bothering you and whenever I catch your eye, you leave. you watch me all the time and yet every time I think you'll come over, you ignore me. if you don't like me, that's okay but I need to know now."

cheeks burning with embarrassment, your eyes dropped to the ground as he pulled you away into privacy. you didn't know what to say.

"billy..." you managed, still unable to meet his chaotic gaze as he stood only centimetres away, breathing hard while he awaited your response.

"what is it? just give me a reason." he almost pleaded, relaxing slightly when you gave him a smile and finally met his eyes.

"do you realise how badly your friends hate me? because I dress weird and I listen to music they don't and I've always been different and you hate that they don't like me. I can't spend five minutes with you in public before you get nervous, I'm sick of you hiding me away! you're fine with me unless there's someone around and I don't understand it and it is tearing me apart," your outburst pulled at him, making him feel terrible for calling you out prematurely.

"I like you Billy but I can't deal with that. I like my little life of listening to bad music with my friends and dreaming of getting away one day and hanging at the mall with Steve and Robin. I love sitting in your car and sharing those moments you don't let anyone else see. I do. but I wont let you pretend I don't exist."

shifting on your feet slightly, you realised how ridiculous the whole thing was and all you wanted was for billy to scoop you up in his arms and make the world better again. you wanted him to let you do his eyeliner and you wanted to feel his hands on your hips, his touch driving you wild. you wanted him to kiss you right now in the hallway and tell everyone else to screw off.

but life isn't a dream.

so you settled for Billy whispering his sorrys and offering you his hand, which was enough to nearly make you cry since he would never usually be so open in public. content, you followed him as he led you to his car, all the while promising he'd change things for you, only stopping to talk properly when you reached it.

"promise me something Billy?" after confirmation from him, you continued, leaning against the hood of his car, him stood only centimetres away "you'll never be ashamed of me?"

"never doll, there's nothing to be ashamed of," he leaned in, holding either side of your face ever so gently, and when the kiss finally broke, he whispered, "now how about a date?"

"okay pretty boy, you name it."

that was a good enough start.

[bookofmirth]

everyones entitled to their opinion but the amount of people who have been saying how “confusing” az’s chapter is and how sjm’s a bad writer for writing it that way honestly annoys me? you said you felt vindication when you read it and tbh, same, it confirmed everything i thought since acowar and made perfect sense with what we know of az as a character - that he’s deeply traumatized and incapable of creating and maintaining healthy relationships (as of rn). but beyond that, i dont see how it was unclear in the terms of which ships will be endgame?? before that chapter i was still uncertain and thought it could go either way (tho i was leaning to elucien bc of the already existing bond), and now im pretty certain its not gonna be elr*el in the long term. idk, i just feel like a part of fandom has built their own vision of the characters and future events that isn’t supported by text and now that theyre disappointed it isnt canon, they blame sjm for it? i really dont think it was a confusing chapter at all, i thought her intentions were perfectly clear with the types of tropes she used, i dont think its fair to say it was badly written just bc it didnt support their fanon ideas that was built more on headcanons than actual textual evidence... idk if i sound mean lol but just my 2 cents, obviously it doesnt go for everyone i feel like a certain part of fandom has a certain version of characters in their heads that they consider as canon bc they want to see them that way, but they aren’t really the same as the actual characters we’re presented in their story

Anon, I am going CRAZY over here.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I take on some arguments and others I don’t, and it basically comes down to 1) what is supported in the text, 2) people’s very wild interpretations of the text, and 3) people confusing their interpretation, fanon, what have you, with canon. 

I actually make my students read this article before they respond to a text because it’s super important to understand what, exactly, they (and we) are responding to. It’s nothing to do with literary criticism, but it still has bearings here because people are taking lines of text and imposing these wildly different meanings that have zero support. Like I mentioned in this post, we cannot say why Elain’s face gets tight or she shrinks from Lucien. There is literally no evidence one way or another, so I could that she like....... has a bad problem with farting when he’s around and is embarrassed. And who’s to stop me????

And you’re right, the problem here is that they think they are responding to canon, when actually it’s this wild interpretation of canon that began before acowar even came out, for the sole purpose of furthering hate on Mor. It had nothing to do with actually, genuinely liking it. But it’s grown into this monstrosity we see today and yeah... people are literally making posts where their “evidence” is two people being a room together and noticing that fact = endgame super romantic ship.

And that’s totally different from actually acknowledging the bare minimum of evidence, and saying “fingers crossed I hope it happens because I love it!!” That would be fine. I literally do not care if people do that. I do care when they willfully misinterpret what’s on the page and try to act like 1) they have found facts, and 2) they pretend like that “fact” should have any bearing on what other people ship. 

So, re: Az. 

I literally made this argument four years ago lol and if you read it real quick you can see that that ship came about (in January 2017) not because of all this “evidence” people found in acowar, which didn’t exist yet for us, but before that for other fandom, fanon reasons. 

And since acowar came out, I’ve pretty much avoided talking about Az because I know that somehow, the fact that he’s dark and twisty is.... controversial??? Yeah, I compared him to Tamlin and I still hold to that (I saw a vagueblog about my idea and I still think that comparison is accurate, but anyway). But people just? Don’t want to hear anything like that about Az. Even though that’s literally what we are given.

There is nothing wrong with saying that he’s dark af. In fact, all of the evidence we have from the book is that he is not only dark, but that he is increasingly  losing control. There was the blowup in acowar, and the increased disrespect of Rhys (and Feyre) in acosf, refusal to take orders from someone he is supposedly so loyal to. Even back in acomaf there were multiple signs that Mor was concerned about bruising his ego (literally the first thing that Mor says about Az is that he would want to know something, I’m not going to look it up but the implication was that he would be upset if he didn’t know).

From acosf:

Az had a vicious competitive streak. It wasn’t boastful and arrogant, the way Cassian himself knew he himself was prone to be, or possessive and terrifying like Amren’s. No, it was quiet and cruel and utterly lethal. (pg. 254)

“He’d tortured it out of someone. Of many people.” (pg. 224)

“Some silent conversation passed between him and his mate, and Cassian knew Rhys was asking about the torture - apologizing for making Feyre witness even the ten minutes Azriel had worked. (pg. i lost my place idk)

“Opening movements in a symphony of pain that Azriel could conduct with brutal efficiency. (pg. 375)

So asdkhasldkjasda if only we could STOP saying that Az is actually a dark soft boi and just acknowledge that he’s fucked up and that him being with ANYONE at this point would potentially be harmful to that person, be it Elain or Gwyn or whoever? That chapter did NOTHING but continue a line of character development that had already been in place, and I get the need to romanticize dark boys, but idk, don’t pretend he’s something he’s not.