#i just know that Kaz is so proud

[eatingyourmotherslaundry]

Kaz: I love talking to other people and making them into worse human beings than they were before I met them. It makes me feel so much better about myself.

Inej: …

Wylan walking by: Yea, look at me. I’m a prime example.

Inej: …Don’t worry, Wylan, that says much more him that it does you.

[hajihiko]

a long time ago I was like "I bet there are a lot of characters that are both touch-starved and touch-averse" so. Thinks

Impostor explanation: has been around the whole scale as various identities, has a hard time understanding themselves and their own true preference. Tends to just adjust to whoever they're around.

[sleepless-crows]

the beautiful thing about kaz saying "if i couldn't walk, i'd crawl to you" is that the first thing people think when they see him is that his weakness, his tell, is his limp, his cane. but with this quote, he's saying that even if he can't walk, being beaten down to his arms and his legs won't be the thing that finally takes him down. because something else matters so much more than his pride, his pain, and his physical weaknesses. and that's inej

[kazuichikazuichi]

the most people ive ever drawn in one picture before :) tap for better quality if it's blurry!! also stage play ref photo below:

[bitchthefuck1]

what do you think kaz’s family grew on their farm

I mean, I always thought it would be some kind of grain, like wheat or barley, with a few chickens and maybe a milk cow.

I also have a mini headcanon that they had a few apple trees growing on their land and Kaz and Jordie would be the ones to actually pick them, with Kaz scampering up the trees and tossing the apples down to Jordie as he goes. He'd also probably primarily be involved with the livestock, especially the chickens, and the housework, since he'd have been too small to be much help in the field.

[greedbent]

If there was one thing the little girl actually admired (That's right) about the bro, it was his way with words. And so one day, seemingly out of nowhere... Itsuki just clears her throat gently, as she allows the following words to escape her as if it were her first Shakeaspearean recital (... whatever that is): "Uwaaaaa, such is the... FREH-GEE-LEE-TEA of life itself." There was a long, almost dramatic pause, before she whirls towards him with a smile, "... did ah use dat word right, bro? ouo"

@yukikorogashi || i'm squishing this snow child's cheeks in kaz's stead ;; <3

“Who let you on the floor?”

She'd barely even reached his side before the words crept through his teeth, and Kaz's ever-vigilant leer didn't falter from a sweep of the club surrounding them. Glasses clanked. Cards shuffled. Chips rattled. Wheels clicked. Nevertheless, Itsuki's voice still found a way to cut clear through the commotion. Try as Kaz did, he failed to fully ignore her.

At first, little more than a passing glance, a crack in his demeanor giving him away. But by the time Itsuki spun toward him with a beaming smile (What, expecting praise?), Kaz's focus had been pinned. He blinked slowly. A barely perceptible exhale skirted past his lips.

“Oh, now that depends,” he crooned, at that moment allowing the inklings of a smirk to cross his face. “Whose fragile life are we discussing? If it's that of a girl wandering places she shouldn't, then congratulations: you're absolutely right.”

[altruprism]

I think one of my favorite inej emotions is pride

[jakescakeislateforourdate]

Kaz Trying to Show Affection

Kaz Brekker x reader

⚠️WARNING⚠️: violence, blood and gore, touch aversion, kaz damn near passing out from a panic attack

Enjoy this garbage!

…

Mr. Brekker

Dirtyhands

Showing affection

It’s unthinkable

But affection, in some form, is necessary to a healthy relationship

Kaz isn’t stupid, clearly, and he knows he’ll have to either work through or find a way around his problems.

He’s also got too much pride to ask for help from his crew

So he starts with the verbal affection

Phase 1 step 1

“Come sit with me.”

“Come have a drink with me.”

“Help me with these plans will you.”

Invitations without threats

No ulterior motive other than your nearness

No black mailing

No money

This is his way of telling you that he cares for your company.

Whenever he wants comfort, he can’t vocalize it normally. It shows as ‘please’

“Please come closer.”

“Stay with me, please.”

step 2

“Hold my cane.”

“Hold my gloves.”

“Watch my hat so Jesper doesn’t try to swipe it.”

Trusting you with his prized possessions.

His cane especially, he’s trusting you to make sure nothing happens to it and that you get it to him when he needs it.

Then there’s the gloves. You know why he wears them. You understand why it’s hard for him to touch. It’s like he’s putting his heart into your hands.

He also thinks it’s adorable to see you clutching the worn leather gloves to your chest. You refuse the let them out of your hands because they are everything to Kaz and you won’t see them missing.

step 3

“That looks nice on you.”

“You should wear that color more often.”

“You always come through for me.”

Compliments

These aren’t hard for Kaz to think up. He always notices things he loves about you. He just needs practice at pointing them out

He has to do it when no one is around. So it’s less conspicuous

step 4

“Good morning, darling.”

“Sweetheart, have you got my gloves?”

“Come lay with me, my Honey.”

Pet names

Kaz needs you to know you’re special. And not just because of whatever skill set you add to the team, but because you really do mean something to him

He’d love it if you had one for him, only to be used in private.

Kaz also gets used to thanking you

“Thank you, darlin’”

Saying it is odd, he’s had to struggle and claw at everything he’s got. And for you to give something to him without him have to bleed for it

Babe, life is good

But it can get better

step 5

“I—I love you.”

This is the peak of his verbal affirmation. He can’t give you more than this. It’s admitting weakness.

What else do you want from Dirtyhands

Phase 2 step 1

Touching is a whole new battle

Oh how Kaz fights

It starts at his desk, across from each other. He sees your hand splayed on the table. Waiting. He slides his ungloved hand towards yours.

Fingertips brush. Just the tips.

He’s alright

The touch was so small and he trusts you so much

His breathing is deep but even

He leaves his hand touching yours for as the long as he can, which surprisingly is until he finishes studying some maps and a bit of paperwork

He works his way up from there

Clasping the ends of your fingers from about the second knuckle up.

Palms laying on top of each other

And finally, fingers interlocking

This is weeks of work right here

He’s so proud

He’d think to boast but it’s not in his nature

From there taking ahold of your arm or shoulder is pretty easy

He still gets panicky but he can manage

step 2

Kissing

Where to begin

Kaz has trouble breathing when you hold hands

How is he supposed to get close to your face with his and keep from hyperventilating

Oh but he tries

There’s several failed attempts that you both get a laugh out of

He’ll dip forward to kiss you and then chicken out, swaying back and snapping his fingers

He cusses himself out

It’s so cute

He’s giving it his best but Dirtyhands is struggling

One day he comes to and demands, “Just do it!”

You stare at him—wide eyed.

“What?”

“Just—kiss me.”

He’s standing stiff as a board. Fists clenched at his sides. Like he’s asking you to rip a bandage off.

You brag him but the waistcoat and pull him closer.

He closes his eyes, skin paling and shimmering with sweat. He’s already breathing hard.

“Come on.” He grits out.

You lay a gentle peck on his lips.

When you pull back, you pat his chest and he opens his eyes. They’re glossy. “Thank you—“ he breathes.

He’s practically drowning. But he just wanted to kiss you once.

He decides to start by kissing elsewhere first.

Your hand for starters

He’s comfortable with them. Eye contact becomes increasingly important. A way of communicating without speaking.

Next is your shoulder

Preferably when you’re getting dressed, he’ll lay a kiss on the skin before you tug on a shirt.

It’s brief. In passing. Easy.

Forehead comes next. Just above the brow and minimal contact.

Then the temple and jaw.

His lips brush so light they tickle. It’s so sweet to watch him. He often smiles afterwards. He’s triumphant, winning victory after victory.

It’s taken him months, maybe even years to get this far. And he’s so proud, so accomplished.

Your squishy cheeks are next. He actually enjoys nuzzling into the flesh. Planting wet kisses as he enjoys the sensation before the waters close in.

I forgot that he likes to kiss your nose, or tap it *boop* I have a feeling that his inner child always compels him to do it.

Then comes the lips.

Oh goody goody

You gave him that peck but he’s got to do it for himself

He does it as a surprise

He’s got to think of it terms he understands

Heists

He’s stealing a kiss

So into stealth mode he goes

You’re in the armchair reading, Kaz watches for a long time

Hyping himself up

There’s a break between when you lower the book to take a sip of water.

Excellent time to strike

He approaches as you reach for the cup

But then you clutch that stupid book in your hand while you drink

He’s about to have a fit

But no

He’s worked to hard for this

Besides, how many of his heists work with plan A

He stomps over, snatches the book from your hands, and captures your lips.

It’s so quick and messy

But he got the job done

When he stands back up, his lips glisten and he just nods

Congratulating himself

Bastard

The last type of kiss is the hardest

Your throat, when he first met you he wanted to slit it open and now—

Well he’d given anything to touch his lips to it

But this almost always proves too much

I think it’d be the proximity of contact

With every other kiss he can isolate the touch

But when he leans in to kiss your neck, your jaw and shoulder are standing guard

You tilt your head to the side and drop your shoulder but still

This type of kiss never ends well, usually with him scampering off to fight a panic attack

But the feel of his velvety soft lips is intoxicating

Phase 3

Gift giving

Like a crow, if you reward him he will bring back trinkets time and again.

Little snacks he nabs from street vendors

Pretty jewelry he swipes on heists

Your favorite paintings he robs from museums and manors.

Pretty things he finds

All for you

This is simple and easily in his wheel house

He likes to steal pretty hair clips and ribbons, sometimes right out of a girl’s hair, at clip them into your hair himself.

He really likes to play with your hair whether it’s long or short.

He likes to slide rings onto your fingers

Slap bracelets on your wrists

Clip a necklace around your neck

And if you’re sitting down, he’ll lift one of your feet into his lap and slip and anklet around your ankle.

You’ll wake up to tea and waffles at your bedside

He’ll leave his coat draped over the arm of your favorite reading chair on cold days

He’s even allowed you to wear his gloves when he notices that stuffing your hands in your pockets is no longer keeping them warm

Speaking of pockets

Kaz slips stuff in there all the time

You name it, he’s probably stuck it in your pockets at least once

Usually little snacks and small trinkets but he once managed a whole waffle without you noticing

Creeps you out a little bit he’s trying his best

Phase 4 Injury

This hurts kaz the most because he knows you need him and he’s can’t hardly touch you

It kills him inside

But your blood on his hands will live forever in his memory like Jordie

He freezes up

He’s helpless

This is one of the rare times you’ll see him cry

He’s so lost and scared and it actually shows through the cracks of his facade

He watches you bleed and just cries

Once you get treated he’s by your side all the time. Waiting on you hand and foot

Many times you’ve woken up to him holding your hand while he’s dead asleep sitting in a chair next to your bed

He’ll change his bandages, prying away the soiled dressings and applying new ones. It’s his apology for being useless

About that crying, if you bring it up he just shakes his head and changes the subject

He won’t give on that, you are hurt right now and his focus is completely on you

Phase 5 cuddling + hugging

When you’re bothered encumbered with layers of clothing it’s surprisingly easy, he asks you to put your arms around him, so he doesn’t think of his brother’s dead body

He’ll stroke the back of your head and kiss your temple.

When he does get the strength to hug you back, it’s gentle

He just rests his arms on you

Then the coats come off and he has to do it all over again

Laying in bed together takes a long time but once he gets there he wants to try spooning, him being the little spoon

A because when he holds you he gets the sense of floating with his brother Jordie

And B because he likes to be held

Cuddling must be planned

None of that surprise business

He wants to see you coming

Touches must be light for the cuddles to last

He can’t stand being smothered

Now whenever Kaz does hold you, he’s cradling you like a sack of Kruge

Talk about princess treatment

Finally Phase 6 showering and bathing

Note that this portion contains nudity but no actual smut

This arguably takes the longest to get to in the relationship

You didn’t even think to bring it up

In fact it was him who asked you to showering with him

Bare, wet skin

The lights are low, candles burning at their ends.

Kaz has you turned with your back to him. He washes your hair. His fingers ghost over the nape of your neck and your shoulders.

Damn he’s so in love with you it’s not even funny

See you so close to him, so intimately, is nerve racking

He’s got you turned away so you can’t see the panic in his eyes. He’s battling it as watches droplets of water run down your skin.

The water his warm, steam clouds the glass walls. You are warm, so unlike a corpse

For a moment he’s not touch you at all,

And then his lips are pressed to the bone at the base of your neck.

Neither of you say anything

You just let the kiss live in the moment and stay unlabeled

As for bathing

This is a hard one, the submersion, body against body, this is probably the one thing he can never do

It’s to much like the barge. To much like clutching onto Jordie it that awful harbor.

So don’t ever expect a bath with him. You may help him on occasion. When he’s sore from a mission

If you’ll wash his hair and knead his shoulders, he’ll be grateful but there’s no getting in the tub with each other.

Now there’s the stuff you don’t see

We all know about Kaz fingering out some dude’s eye because he stabbed Inej.

But if it were you instead of Inej

Kaz has done unspeakable things in your name

Some bastard looking at you for too long

Kazzle Dazzle is instantly jealous

A good beating ought to do the trick.

If someone were to lay their hand on you, they better say goodbye to that hand

There may be a few people walking around Ketterdam missing one or two limbs

Kaz doesn’t tell you about these things

He prefers you not to know Dirtyhands

If you have guy friends though, you better watch it because them besties may learn a few things from Kaz

[swanimagines]

BY YOUR SIDE | KAZ BREKKER

Summary: Your dad has just died and you have gone to Kaz for comfort.

Kaz hated seeing you cry. Empathy was something Dirtyhands was supposed to lack, but when you sobbed there, it made him feel so helpless to see how you looked like a hollowed-out husk of who you usually were. The light in your eyes had dimmed as you wept into your knees.

Kaz remembered his own father dying, but he had been so young and had Jordie for support that the memories felt distant in comparison. He didn't know what to say or what to do, to be honest he hadn't expected you to come to him for comfort in the first place. Inej would be better at comforting, or Nina. But he would just sit there staring at you crying, you knew you wouldn't get hugs or kisses from Kaz Brekker no matter how much you cried. It wasn't something he was proud of.

After a while your sobs slowly died down and you wiped away your tears with one sleeve of your cardigan, sniffing back some snot. You ran your hand over your hair and tried to smile, though it looked more like someone else's imitation than anything real. "I'm sorry," you said softly. "You shouldn't have had to see me this way."

"No apology necessary," he replied, glancing at your hands folded in your lap.

Your voice sounded weak and strained when you spoke again. "I... I  just don't know what to do."

He frowned, he knew you were good friends with other Crows. He was the worst possible person you could come to with a matter like this. He didn't even know you'd be willing to show yourself being so vulnerable in front of him, especially after he had been extremely vocal about affection and love being a weakness, completely opposite of what most of the other Crows stood for. And he kind of considered telling you that and sending you off, but... he couldn't. You weren't weak, just lost.

Kaz glanced around the room as if looking for an answer, but then shook his head and sighed, standing up from his desk. He had a meeting to attend downstairs, but he didn't want to send you off in that state. He walked up to his clothing rack, taking one of his coats and went back to you. You flinched upon feeling the soft fabric landing on your shoulders and looked up.

"Take it. It's cold here," he told you, still not sure where to take you or how else to help you. But this would be the best he could do as for now. "We have a meeting with the Crows in a few minutes. But I'll be back in an hour or so."

You blinked at him, but then slowly wrapped the coat tighter around you. A flicker of your light passed in your eyes, which made the corner of Kaz's mouth twitch upwards.

"Thank you," you whispered, and he nodded before heading out from the office.

---

The heist had been planned ready and Kaz could almost see the kruge glinting in the vault already as he made his way back upstairs. He smirked at the thought of yet another foolish merchant thinking they were clever enough to beat his gang, and having to eat their words when their vault would be empty.

He opened his office door and paused. He had forgotten about you completely, or maybe he thought you'd go to your room while he's at the meeting. But instead, you had dozed off on his sofa, clutching his coat in your hands and wearing it like a blanket. Your hair had fallen down around your face, and you looked like one of Inej's Saints. It made his heart skip a beat.

Kaz set his blueprints down on his desk and glanced at you sleeping there, wondering if he should wake you up and send you off into your own room, but then decided against it. You needed comfort, and if you could get it from sleeping on his couch with his coat as your blanket, so be it.

Maybe he wouldn't confess it, or even acknowledge it himself, but Kaz Brekker was completely and utterly in love with you and would do anything for you.

---

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[eggrollofchaos01]

Okay I wanna talk about something. I know we all talk about how Wylan seems to help Jesper like seem healthier and not as weighed down but what about how Jesper helped Wylan (also I am using the deleted scene pics which adds some glow but I see extra glow I swear)

Season 1 Jesper through most of the season seemed sleep deprived and like completely over taken with just the crows and the next big hit

Season 2 after meeting Wylan we see his eye bags are gone and he just seems healthier which could be from him using his powers more than he used to. And that like fear and constant throwing himself into his addictions is not gone but lessened and yes he’s glowing cause of the lighting but he also has that glow of like happiness

Now we get into Wylan which I don’t seem many people talking about. I actually have three for him

Beginning of season 2. Tie a mess, shirt a mess, definitely hasn’t eaten in a few days like Kaz mentioned and clearly has been barely surviving. He’s desperate for any sorta of pay that he’s willing to betray his morals because he has no other choice. And also not confident or clean, also sleep deprived and getting mugged for what little he has

Middle of season 2. He seems to be eating at least more regularly, he’s bathing more and looks more well rested. And what he’s wearing, it has a brighter color versus the dark shirts we’ve seen him wearing before and it’s definitely a little big on him (I say clothing thief Wylan), also he’s standing a bit more confidently

End of season 2. Confidence GALORE, look at the shine in his eyes and the proud head tilted up, he has become more confident in himself and his abilities. He’s for sure sleeping more, and just happier (he always seems a little solemn in the past scenes with no shine, the shine started with Jesper) honestly they both were attached at the hip after episode 6, so they’ve been just in each others company getting happier and happier, he also for sure has Jespers shirt on

In conclusion your honor, these boys have made each other healthier with just their presence and support and trust. It is so important that people see what a good healthy uplifting relationship in media in different forms. They’re criminals and killers yes but they also care for each other and deserve to be happy.

[valentinedaughtler]

Haven’t I Given Enough?

Kaz Brekker x GN!Inventor!Reader

TW: use of Y/N, mild, mild angst, slight ooc Kaz(?) (I think that’s it, let me know if I missed anything please.)

Synopsis: You’ve known Kaz for years, inventing gadgets to assist in heists and being his right hand ‘man’. One night you ask him if you can join a heist, but it doesn’t go as planned….

REQUESTS: OPEN✅

____________________________________________

My eyes flitted between the arriving guests in the bar. The Crow Club was packed tonight, and pigeons strolled in with restless naivety. I sat in the corner of the bustling room, sighing with exhaustion. I had just spent seventeen hours imitating mechanical watches in order to create a ‘fake’ for Kaz do swap with a real one. ‘Just something I need for a heist,’ was all he had said.

It would be worth it to know Kaz was proud of me in the end. Though, it was a long shot to think he would even do much as acknowledge anything I did.

I pondered whether I should slip through the crowd to find Jesper, but I couldn’t spot him. Instead, I pushed my way out of the suffocating bar out into the damp streets of Ketterdam. The cool air calmed my mind as I crossed toward the Slat. The cold made my cheeks rosy.

With the flick of a wrist, I flipped a switch blended into the old building’s exterior wall. It was hidden to an unsuspecting pedestrian yet, but it set off a system of pullies I had integrated into the inner walls a long time ago. A soft shlink was followed by the outward jutting of brick.

The side of the building became a rock-wall of sorts, since I could not climb up every surface like Inej. I began to grip the bricks, digging my nails into the gritty platforms.

Kaz was not always a fan of my inventions. A few had blown up in his face- literally- but it seemed he kept me around due to my many successes. I could fix any machine made by man. I didn’t have to know what it was, I could just take it apart in my mind, then do so in reality.

This was one of my inventions, a brick wall that was easy to climb, but could be hidden. Inej loved it- Kaz felt it was a waste of time.

He said there were stairs for a reason.

I shimmied the window of Kaz’s office open, the latch flipping and the glass sliding. I hopped off of the ledge and into the office, making sure to reset my brick contraption. I turned around and cleared my throat, but Kaz did not glance up at me. I rolled my eyes as he squinted at the blueprints that lay on his makeshift desk.

“Good evening, Brekker,” I greeted with a jokingly enticing tone. His eye twitched and he proceeded to turn his attention to me.

“Hello, Y/N,” his gravely voiced rasped in response. I smiled slightly, regretting so, and dig into my left pants pocket. I pulled out a shiny, gold watch with engraved initials. Whose they were was unknown to me, but if I asked, Kaz would most likely just shut me down. I had to respect his odd secrecy after all he had done for me. Out of all the years I’d known him, it has always been as if he kept me at an arm’s length. He was careful to never be vulnerable, as if that was the same as his skin touching mine.

I gestured for him to catch the watch when I tossed it, but he glared. I let out an exasperated sigh.

“You’re such a buzzkill,” I teased while handing the fake to him.

“You’re… difficult,” he retorted, but there was no malice behind his words- surprisingly. I huffed and plopped onto the blanket sprawled out on the windowsill. My eyes followed Kaz’s movements as he tentaviety inspected the watch. After a few minutes he placed it onto his desk and resumed his work. I waited patiently for any sign of recognition, but it never came.

“You’re welcome,” I mumbled while stretching out my legs. I opened up my leather sketchbook to doodle a new invention design. That or I’d just draw Kaz. But I was too annoyed with him to do so.

The dark haired boy sighed as he looked over at me. “You did good. It looks identical.”

I didn’t say anything in response, but I smiled slightly, my face heating up. It was embarrassing how easily I was flattered by Kaz, who could barely do the bare minimum.

“What ere you using it for— the watch, I mean,” I asked with growing curiosity. Kaz halted his work for a moment, most likely deciding if he felt like sharing or not.

“A local banker,-“

“The more-of-a-wanker-than-a-banker one?” I cut off his response, immediately feeling embarrassed. Kaz looked at me with mild confusion. “Inside joke with Jesper,” I elaborated.

He hummed in response, then continued, “He’s more of a swanker. For the past few months he has been flaunting his wealth a little too much. Especially his watch. It’s his most prized possession. I plan to take it from his vault; a simple swap.”

“What would you do without me?” I asked with a sly smirk. Kaz huffed, perhaps laughed.

“I’d have less of your inventions explode on me.”

“It was one time, Kaz,” I said with exasperation. My eye glittered as I met his gaze. I open my mouth to speak, but immediately close it again, pressing my lips together firmly.

“Kaz?”

“Y/N,”

“I want to go on a mission with you and the crows,” I blurted out. Kaz froze, only for a fraction of a moment, but Kaz Brekker froze. He nodded towards my left arm, where a tattoo of a crow craning over a guatlet was etched into my skin.

“You are a crow,” he finally rasped, dodging my question until I glared daggers into his skin. “And I have everyone we need for the mission-“

“Wylan is sick. You need someone who can easily disable complex machinery- the alarms, the traps-“

“I said no,” Kaz’s voice raised, sounding threatening.

“Why not?”

“Y/N,” his voice sounded as if he meant, don’t push it. But I did. I always did, and Kaz always kept me by his side anyways.

“I don’t understand- ever since I got hurt on that one heist you haven’t let me participate-“

“Exactly! You got hurt,” he said. His jaw clenched and his eyes avoided mine. I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he gulped.

“Dregs get hurt all the time- saints, some of the crows do too-“

“This is different,”

“How?”

“You’re an investment,” he stated blankly, “and I protect my investments.” I felt heat flush my face, my fists balling up and my shoulders tensing.

“That’s rich, Kaz, real rich,” I spat. Embarrassment pooled in my stomach and my eyes. “But that’s all you want, right? Kruge? Money? Power?” He didn’t say anything as I slitted my eyes and scrunched my nose. “Saints forbid the people who help you get to that point.”

Before Kaz could respond, if he even chose to, I got up and walked across his office, my shoes clacking against the hard, wooden floors. The old floorboards moaned and groaned at the pressure I subjected them to.

“Y/N-,” Kaz tried to get up, but his bad leg involuntarily spasmed at his abrupt movement.

The door slammed behind me. I knew it wasn’t a big deal, it felt like the last thing to topple a delicate card tower. Each card was a jab or a deny Kaz made regarding our… relationship, if you could call it that. He and I had been friends long before the other crows came along, yet I felt I’d come to know him the least. I sighed.

I turned back around on my heel, opening the splintered office door. On the other side was Kaz, reaching for the handling on the opposing side.

“You’re not an investment,”

I kept any snarky comments bottled up inside, along with my tears. I could tell what he was convey was eating away at him, so I let him speak.

“If I lost you, I’d have to burn Ketterdam down, and then I’d have no kingdom to rule,” his words soared through the air between us and to my heart.

“I just keep feeling like I’ve given enough, Kaz. I know I deserve to go on heists. If you see my as an equal, you have to treat me like one.” I met his deep, coffee-brown eyes.

He nodded. One of his gloved hands hesitantly, begrudgingly, came up to touch my face. He cupped my cheek and I leaned into the cold, leather touch. I knew this was the best answer he could give me at the moment. It was a more meaningful gesture than anything he could’ve said. He’d let me help on the heist, and for once in a very long time, it felt like he had let his high walls crumble a bit.

I knew I’d given enough.

____________________________________________

Word Count: 1460

____________________________________________

Part 2????

-Valentine

[targaryenluvs]

Kaz x Jesper x reader that doesn’t like being touched for long periods of time

Baby Steps

kaz x fem!reader x jesper

warnings: touch aversion, comfort?

a/n: i didn’t really know how to put this into a story so i decided to do headcannons, im sorry if this isn’t what you had in mind!

- There would be so much understanding from both of them in my opinion.

- Since Kaz himself has a strong aversion to touch he wouldn’t even be approaching you with touch anyway.

- Kaz would 100% be dumbfounded.

- He’d never encountered someone who shared his condition and he’d silently appreciate the fact that you’d never expect him to work on his aversion in order to be with you. That you’d never pressure him into anything or expect a lot in terms of physical intimacy.

- But you both shared the frustrations.

- When the other person is looking absolutely gorgeous beyond words and all you want to do is hug them, to play with their hair, kiss them etc. Having a hollow feeling inside when Jesper would be so overly affectionate when around everyone else but feel like he had to change how he acted when it came to the two of you.

- You never wanted him to change. Neither did Kaz. As much as he acts as if Jespers over the top self annoyed him, he more so envied him. Jesper never has to worry, he doesn’t need stupid gloves every day to keep him calm. He can drink and eat anything without feeling like the world is crushing down on him.

- He doesn’t look in the mirror and loathe.

- But what he hates most of all is that he can touch you. And Kaz can’t.

- You hadn’t had a traumatic background that had scarred you to the point of aversion and panic attacks.

- At times touch just became too much. Your senses would feel as if they were on fire. Like anything touching you felt as if bugs were crawling all over you. You could handle smaller things in smaller batches.

- It was nowhere near as intense as Kaz but it happened usually during the day. You’d be holding hands with Jesper and you’d suddenly drop his hand and walk with distance between the two of you.

- During the start of your relationship you hadn’t told either of them.

- So imagine Jespers surprise when you swatted his hand away whilst the three of you were in Kaz’s office.

-

“What was that for!” Jesper yelled as he cradled his hand. You frowned, “I didn’t- I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.” Jesper tilted his head, “Is this for eating your chicken last night? I am sorry you know, but it smelt, amazing.” He dragged out.

“No that’s- you ate my food? I blamed Matthias! Poor guy was as red as the blood on Kaz’s cane.”

Kaz glimpsed down at his cane, he cleaned it everyday, not a speck of blood, poor analogy.

“It’s just, sometimes when I’m being touched, I have to pull away. I don’t know how to explain it but I just, sometimes it’s too much and I can’t handle it. I’m sorry if that disappoints you-”

“Don’t apologise for it. I don’t.”

You smiled gratefully at Kaz as he made eye contact with you. Jesper rested his hand by yours on the desk, “You don’t have to force anything. If you feel like pulling away, pull away. Thank you for telling us, I promise you don’t have to. Not like Kaz makes any effort to touch me, it’s been a long time.”

“Say one more word and I’ll tell her about Milo.”

Jesper gasped as he brought his hand to his heart, “I’m proud of Milo. Whatever makes you think I wouldn’t tell anyone about my baby?”

“Who’s Milo?”

“Milo is Jes’s-”

Jesper shot up from his seat and pointed accusingly at Kaz.

“Don’t you dare!”

-

As frustrating it was for Jesper to have not one, but two partners with aversions he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

He loved you both and you’d work on your barriers together,

Baby Steps.

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Flowers [K. B]

Kaz Brekker x reader

word count: 8.4k

summary: some jealousy motivates Kaz to finally face how he feels about you

A/N: I have literally weeks writing this and I hope I got it right, I tried to write the reaction of jealousy as appropriate to Kaz as possible lmao. Also, when this Freddy photoshoot came out I just imagined. You'll find out later, I hope you enjoy it!

taglist: @rustyyyyspoonz @be-lla-vie @milkshake0 @ladespedidas

Kaz took a deep breath before opening the door, bracing himself for what he would face as he crossed into the next room, already a tremendous hubbub.

It was Inej's birthday and you had insisted on throwing her a celebration, something everyone else was excited about, because you thought that of all of you she was the most likely not to have had such a party. Well, actually the main candidate was Kaz but he would kill all of you when he found out that you had arranged a surprise for him.

You had decorated the room in The Slat and you had invited (threatened, rather) the members of The Dregs so that they would celebrate your friend and you also invited (to them, kindly) some girls from The Menagerie, with the security that if someone tried to touch them you would defend them. You also told the criminals that if they thought of bringing a gift they would make sure that it was not stolen, nor was it stained with blood, nor was it from the corpse of a dead person. And so far everything was perfect.

"Kaz!" he was greeted by Per Haskell, who had been playing cards at a table and already had a couple of drinks on him "Son, I admit that when you said you wanted to have a party I thought you were crazy, but this is great."

"Y/N wanted to do it, I didn't" he murmured sincerely and Per just laughed. Parties weren't really his thing, though he'd probably feel better after some alcohol. He looked for his usual group to get closer to them and not die from the anxiety that social situations generated in him.

He found five of his crows chatting and laughing at a table on which was an empty chair, which Kaz thought was surely for him.

"Look who decided to join the party" Nina mocked, looking at the black-haired boy with a smile.

"Happy birthday, Inej" he murmured politely, as he handed the girl a leather case containing a nice set of knives. Her eyes lit up as she thanked her friend and Kaz allowed himself to smile "Is anyone sitting here?"

"Y/N" replied Jesper, who had an arm around Wylan's shoulders "But she's been missing for a while."

"Maybe she's helping out in the kitchen," suggested Matthias, who was feeling more relaxed than usual.

"Huh-uh" Wylan denied, with a mischievous smile, while he took a sip of his drink "Look there" he exclaimed and his head pointed surreptitiously in one direction.

All eyes at the table looked at you at the bar and Kaz, who hadn't seen you before, was surprised by how jovial you looked. You had left your hair loose and you were wearing light-colored clothing, very different from the usual black, gray, or brown, along with ribbon adorning your hair, but the smile that this generated in the black-haired man was replaced by a frown upon noticing that you were smiling broadly towards another person. Towards a man.

"That girl is on fire" the Grisha mocked, quite proud, and the others made similar comments, between laughs.

"Who is that?" Kaz hissed, sounding angrier than he intended, at Inej, who was closest to him and most likely to know the answer due to your friendship.

“A new guy that Per hired, I thought you knew him. I heard that he comes from Shu Han”

At that moment he turned around and he could see the features that demonstrated that theory: tanned skin, slightly slanted eyes, and black hair. He wore a simple outfit, in very poor taste according to Kaz, and he couldn't have been more than 17 years old. He was just a brat who was too close to you.

Although he didn't say anything, you only needed to see the expression on his face to know that he wasn't happy, something that fortunately no one paid attention to, because they assumed that it was just a normal reaction in Kaz when seeing any kind of displays of affection.

"He's handsome," Jesper muttered, and Wylan turned to give him a pointed glare. "I mean, not like you, nobody's as handsome as you, but he… got his stuff."

Was he really handsome? Kaz didn't know if he was in a position to judge that, since he didn't even know if he was what someone would consider 'attractive'. That had never bothered him, of course, he was simply curious as to what the others might think. What could you think about, actually.

Most of them decided that the matter didn't deserve any more importance and they continued talking about other things, almost all of them logically related to Inej, however, he couldn't take his eyes off you and your peculiar company for even a second. He noticed you chuckled softly and when you did, he could see the guy across from you reach out to tuck a piece of your hair behind your ear; Kaz squeezed his cane to appease the urge to go do the same to the aforementioned neck.

Almost as if you felt the heavy gaze you looked in his direction and when your eyes met you smiled reflexively, making his heart race. You still chatted for a while, but your attention wasn't entirely on your new friend now that you were aware of Kaz in the great room. In due course you apologized to him and before saying goodbye he stroked your arm too confidently, promising that he would make sure to look for you later. After he left you practically ran to the table where your friends were.

"Y/N" Inej laughed, feeling you hug her from behind.

“How is the most beautiful birthday girl in the place doing?” you asked excitedly, kissing her on the top of the head and hearing her reply that everything was excellent “Oh, hello, Mr. Brekker. What a joy that you honor us with your presence” you joked as if you had barely noticed, and you were disappointed to see the unfriendly look he gave you.

“Who was the young man you were talking to?” Nina asked casually, while her boyfriend shook his head at how gossipy she was sometimes.

"Lior?" you muttered. So that was the name that should be written on the tombstone "It's huh... a new guy, he was thanking me for inviting him"

“I hope he doesn't get used to it,” Kaz said grudgingly. “Don't think there will be any more birthday parties. Much less with all these Dregs”

A collective groan was heard, alleging that the boss was very bitter and appealing to 'healthy coexistence', which amused you.

"That was my chair, shall I sit on your lap or shall we bring a new one?" you exclaimed, close to the man's ear. Kaz didn't expect that and it was obvious you didn't mean it, but he had to abruptly get up from his chair and walk away, leaving all of you stunned.

"What did you say to him?"

"Nothing! I just told him that I was sitting there, but I was kidding, I didn't want him to leave”

“That's how he is,” Inej said, with a touch of bitterness and a shrug. But you didn't take that so lightly, you hated that Kaz was mad at you because he made you feel so guilty, even if you didn't know what he was mad at. Maybe you had crossed some line? You weren't even going to! It had only been nonsense that had escaped your lips for the liquid value that you had ingested.

You ended up taking the chair that he had left empty and although you participated actively in the conversation you couldn't help but feel restless. Of course you didn't know that Kaz had left there to prevent you from noticing his cheeks flushed with fury at the scene he had seen and the way you had said the name of this Lior guy, a blush that only increased when he felt your breath so close to his skin and hear your soft voice.

First he had to calm down, why had that bothered him in the first place? Although he was aware of a certain protective relationship that he had towards all of you, it was not normal to feel that anger when you were talking to someone else, or when another man was touching you. Jesper was constantly holding your hand, once he had found you and Wylan cuddled up sleeping on a couch and you always challenged Matthias to fights you knew you weren't going to win and he just laughed it off, making no effort. But that was different, he had touched you… with other intentions. Kaz was no fool and he knew better than anyone that you were beautiful in every way, no matter how hard he tried to deny it. He maybe couldn't appreciate the masculine beauty, but, although it was not in his total interest, he could judge the feminine. So he was mad because a guy was interested in you? Was that what explained the heat that grew in his chest and that now he himself was torturing him? But why?

“Kaz Brekker?” said a voice behind him. He had gone outside to get some air and didn't recognize who had called him until he turned around. Today was his damn lucky day "My name is Lior, Per said that you are like the boss"

"I'm not like the boss" Kaz replied with total contempt "I'm the boss"

"Huh, yeah, sure. I'm sorry. I just wanted to introduce myself” Kaz looked at him without saying anything, obviously trying to make the other understand that he had no interest in meeting him, and the boy took the opportunity to clear his throat before speaking again “And… ask you if… a girl I was talking to is from your team. She mentioned you before, her name is Y/N”

Kaz didn't know what that Lior had in mind to go and ask him such a thing, but for a moment he believed in the Saints and thanked them for making him so stupid.

"And what does that interest you, silly boy?" he muttered. Lior was probably the same age as Kaz, but the black-haired man had the advantage of being a few inches taller, of having an imposing presence leaning on his cane, and of… well, being the fucking boss.

"In nothing, I just thought I'd ask you" replied Lior, visibly dismayed by the unexpected hostility of his new leader, and mistakenly thinking that he would fix something, he continued: "She's very kind and I wanted to get to know her better, I thought you could help me”

“You're here to steal, spy and obey orders, you're not here to meet girls, let alone someone like her. So I recommend you keep your distance and focus on the job, which is why we hired you”

To say that Lior was terrified was an understatement, even though the opponent had held back a bit. For a moment he thought that Kaz took his job very, very seriously (it was partly true) so that's why he had been so annoyed at the suggestion of him looking for one of his close friends. He never knew that he was mad to hear that someone so vulgar wanted to befriend his Y/N.

"Kaz!" for a second he thought he was imagining your voice, but when you appeared a few seconds later he knew it wasn't like that "I was looking for you, you... Lior" you interrupted yourself, looking at the other young man who had paled a little "I see that you are already met"

"Yes, we already had the fortune" he answered with all the sarcasm existing in his body, although you didn't notice it.

"I was leaving, anyway"

“Wait, have this,” you said, handing the boy a piece of paper “It's a restaurant, Nina and I go there for breakfast all the time. If you ever want to join us, just say so” Your tone was so kind and your face so happy that Kaz was afraid he would start foaming at the mouth.

"Yes, I..." Lior didn't dare look at Kaz, who was watching him with murderous eyes "I'll think about it, bye"

"Bye," you replied, a little disappointed by his lack of effusiveness.

"You really want to make new friends," he snorted with inevitable scorn.

“Well yeah, my old friends run away from me,” you muttered, keeping your tone playful no matter how upset he was. Then you sighed and got a little more serious, “Listen, I know you hate parties and people, but I would really appreciate it if you were with us at the table. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I did this to have a fun time and to make Inej happy. There is alcohol inside, if you don't like it, I can find you something better to prepare the drink you prefer but, please, stay even for a while"

His frown on him relaxed considerably as he watched your pleading eyes looking down at him but the unknown feeling towards the new guy grew like flames consuming an entire forest. You had told him where you used to go for breakfast, which meant you wanted to see him again.

“Only if you promise not to go out with that idiot” 

“With Lior? And why shouldn't I?

"I already told you. He's an idiot" he said simply and you laughed.

"And how do you know?"

"He looks like one"

"You're going to need a better reason than that and probably a bouquet to convince me otherwise," you muttered, totally sure that the latter was so ridiculous that it would only prove that you weren't going to change your mind. Lior wasn't the most handsome guy for you, that place was reserved for someone special, but you had decided that giving him a chance wasn't such a bad idea “Come on, don't be grumpy, and let's go in there. I got a cake and you don't want to miss it,” you said, starting to walk back inside, and after sighing Kaz followed you without question.

Once morning came the birthday cheer was gone and things went on as usual; going to the Crow club, keeping order at The Barrel, odd jobs, and a couple of unfortunate fights.

In the span of a week you had already seen Lior at least three times, and he always seemed to be conveniently close to various places you frequented. Being with him was nice and little by little you were getting used to his company, the only thing that seemed too strange to you was that every time Kaz appeared in the same place as you he said goodbye and left immediately before your boss could see it. You assumed he was just afraid of him, like most people, and you didn't say anything.

Suddenly you began to think that you had hardly seen the man in those days and you wondered if he was attending to your basic needs since you had hardly seen him go to the kitchen of the place for the food that you prepared. Sometimes loaves of bread would disappear, but that was Fahey's trademark.

"You are listening?" asked Lior, who was in front of you at a betting table and had brought you out of your musings. You were taking a break at the club and again he was hanging around so you thought about having a drink but right now you only remembered the beginning of what he had been saying to you so you couldn't lie to him even if you wanted to. You just smiled embarrassedly in response, making him laugh. "Too much to think about?"

"No, none of that. I was only gone for a moment"

"Well," he started to say, with what you'd already recognized as a flirtatious smile, "I hope I can find you when that happens."

You were going to answer something when you heard a fight near you. A couple of drunks had a disagreement over who had won the game and they thought the most effective way to settle it was beating. You quickly got up from your chair to separate them and had to dodge the fists several times, having no luck a couple of times. Lior was about to jump in to help you when suddenly one of the men fell to the ground with a thud. Everyone in the room looked in the direction of whoever had knocked him down and there was the only logical option.

"If you guys want to beat up each other like animals, do it outside my establishment," was all Kaz said. You were still holding the other man back, but he didn't put up much of a fight when he and his friend were escorted outside. You shook off your jacket and rubbed your arm where one of them had managed to hit you.

This time Lior couldn't escape the boss's eyes and Kaz felt his blood boil again at the sight of his face. He still didn't fully understand the nature of his feelings, but it was clear to him that he didn't want you near that boy after a couple of days when you no longer stopped by to say hello in his office or struck up a conversation with him. Although, indeed, he was never the most sociable now he wanted to make an effort to spend more time with you, but he had difficulties finding ways to do it.

"Damn drunks, huh?"

“Did they hurt you?" he asked quietly. You looked up in confusion and took a moment to process it. Was Kaz worrying about you?

I mean, he cared for all of you during missions and times of real danger, but on those occasions he just saw to it that you stayed alive and continued his duties. It was weird hearing something verbal.

"Nothing I can't handle," you replied, with a challenging little smile.

“I want you to help me with some things. Unless you're busy…”

Saying this he looked at the skinny boy behind you, who looked away immediately. If there was one thing to be recognized about Kaz, it was how he never showed fragility and therefore forced others to surrender first.

"It's that urgent?"

"So I would say"

Now it was you who held his gaze for a few seconds, looking for something implicit that would reveal why he now wanted to take you to another place, but there was nothing. There was only neutrality in those beautiful blue eyes.

“Lior, I have to go. Some work" you exclaimed and he internally celebrated the apparent victory that you had chosen him over someone else, although the satisfaction was short-lived when he saw that you took a step and planted a kiss on the boy's cheek.

Kaz thought about how he wasn't mad at you, but at him, and it suddenly dawned on him that he was actually jealous. That was what he was feeling like a plague.

Jealousy.

You noticed the radical change in his attitude when he didn't even look at you and began to walk quickly down the hall, so you had to speed up to keep up with him. Worst of all, he didn't really have anything he needed help with, he'd just said it so you wouldn't be with the Shu boy, so when you set foot in the office he was stunned.

“I want you to help me sort these documents by date,” he said, extending in your direction a huge folder that he found in a drawer that only contained papers from the previous year. It was not necessary to order that because he had already used it, but he preferred to ask you that than look completely dumb. 

"And the magic words?"

"Abracadabra?" he said sarcastically, but he sighed heavily at the sight of your crossed arms and your clear intentions of not taking the folder until he said so "Please, Y/N"

“Do you see how cute you sound being a polite child?” you exclaimed to annoy him and before another complaint you took the things and placed yourself in an empty end of the desk.

Kaz watched you from time to time, intent on your task, your lips slightly pouting, and each time he did he felt his heart swell. 

What was happening to him? he was afraid that he would find out and not like the answer.

You finished in record time and he let you off to wherever you wanted to go through the door, a little worried that it was with the new kid. As soon as you left he took his hat, coat, and cane to go directly to The Slat, hoping that the person he needed was there.

He knocked on the door a couple of times, but no one answered and for a moment he felt desperate. He badly needed the help of the one person he knew who wouldn't judge him for asking obvious questions and also had enough discretion so that others wouldn't realize he suspected he had feelings for you. He suspected. 

He was going to make one last attempt which wasn't necessary as the door swung open as he raised his fist, revealing a small figure with loose hair and less weaponry than usual.

“Kaz?”

"Hello, Inej"

You were sitting in the dining room of your shared house, pouring yourself some coffee in a chipped cup hoping it was strong enough to wake you up, while you racked your brains trying to solve the mystery that had been bothering you for a few days ago. 

Turns out, after the drunken brawl incident and helping Kaz, you had gone to rest, falling asleep on the bed almost immediately. No problem with that. The strange thing was that the next day you had woken up with a bouquet of wildflowers of various colors resting on the nightstand. The first time you thought that you had put it there and you didn’t remember it, so you just sniffed it with pleasure and placed it in a glass of water. Normal day, you went to sleep at the end and the next morning there it was again. You knew that it was not the one you had collected the day before because these were in the glass. A little confused, you put the new flowers with the old ones and continued with your day, without imagining that the next morning things would repeat themselves. Three times in a row was already disturbing, so you made an effort to imagine who was the author of all this. If it was the girls, it was nice that they had such detail, and you could have even tolerated it from Jes, Wylan, or Matthias, but if it was an outsider then it was a worrying situation because it implied that a lunatic had been messing around to your room at night for a week straight. You made sure to lock your room and still, the flowers appeared there, as if it were a magic trick.

Was it Lior? Impossible, or you would have seen him come in in the morning or at night. Also, one day you had woken up earlier than usual and even that time the flowers were there.

"Bonjour" greeted an energetic Jesper, who had appeared still in nightwear, and ruffled your hair as he approached you "You don't look very lively"

"I am not a morning person," you said sipping your coffee.

One by one your other companions joined the morning coffee, Kaz being the last to arrive. It was funny how much 'morning drinks' could say about each of you: Inej drank coffee with some sugar, Jesper coffee with cream, Wylan drank tea, Matthias just milk, Nina hot chocolate and lastly you and Kaz shared a taste for the coffee bitter and very hot, so it was not a surprise that when he arrived you already had a cup for him.

“We're running low on supplies,” Matthias announced, pointing to the empty cupboard, to which you groaned.

None of you had any culinary skills, but since you were the least likely to give them food poisoning, they had all decided that you would be the designated cook, which included doing the shopping.

"I'll go to the market later"

“I will accompany you,” Kaz said, so fast that they all fell silent and turned their heads to look at him. Observing the situation, he adopted a defensive attitude "I need to buy some things too and I have to make sure Y/N isn't wasting money"

“Sure, my specialty is diverting resources by saying I bought potatoes,” you joked, rolling your eyes. “If you want to go with me, let's go now. At this time there are fewer people" you explained and he nodded. You just finished drinking your coffee and grabbed a large bag in which you loaded the food before leaving the building.

As soon as you got out, they started speculating.

"Why did Kaz want to go?"

"I wonder the same thing"

“Maybe he really did have things to buy,” Matthias said, and though Nina heard her black-haired man's racing heart, she decided not to contradict anyone. Inej looked at her almost as if she read her thoughts and they both shared a knowing look without saying anything.

On the way to the market, neither of you spoke, but he noted that you were right when you said that the city was quieter at that time, probably because life in The Barrel really began when night fell.

The market was quite a distance away, but he put up with it like a champ, so when you got there you were very hungry and you assumed he was the same.

“Eat,” you said suddenly, extending to Kaz a piece of bread with jam inside that you loved to buy when you went there “I pay for this with my own money, by the way. So you don't accuse me of being a thief."

"You are a thief," he reminded you, grimacing and taking a bite of the piece of food. It was sweet, freshly made, and melted in the mouth.

You two walked for a couple of blocks, still in silence, while you were choosing food. You were wondering what those 'things' were that Kaz needed to buy and when he would ask you to make a detour to a store, but the moment didn’t seem to come, which made you suspect that there was really no such reason and it was just an excuse. You were curious as to what he might be looking for by doing that and you let your mind wander to possible answers, from when he was looking for advice he didn't yet know how to ask to when he just needed some fresh air and jumped at the chance, without you being involved in any way.

Kaz, for his part, was entering a crisis. He wanted to talk to you and have a nice time but he didn't know how to do it. He had thought that, once you were alone, the words would sprout by themselves and then you would continue the conversation, however, he had limited himself to watching you feel the fruits to decide which was ripe and which was not.

“Do you think she really likes that boy?”

“I don't know” Inej had told him “But I don't think that's the case either” she continued and her friend nodded his head “I think what she likes about him is that he listens to her and keeps her company; he is attentive to her. You could start there."

"Are you hungry?"

"A little, nothing that will kill me"

"Let's have breakfast" he murmured. Did it sound like an order? Yes, but he hoped to get a little better with practice.

"Only if you pay" you answered with a mischievous smile.

He led you to a small establishment you'd never been to, which he probably chose because he was all alone, and you sat at one of the little tables with worn cushioned chairs, facing each other. The question you wanted to ask him was on the tip of your tongue, but you were still working up the courage to gesticulate it.

Kaz ordered some eggs and bacon and since you were craving something sweet you ordered some fried dough stuffed with currants, on the recommendation of your companion, and both of you ordered the second coffee of the day.

"And what is?"

"What is what?"

“The deal” you exclaimed, as if it were obvious, but he didn't seem to understand “I suppose if we came here alone it's so you can ask me to make a deal. Steal, spy on someone right?"

He was stunned for a moment. Didn't you notice the effort he was making? Was that your idea of his actions? Honestly he couldn't blame you, because, probably, in other circumstances that would have been the case to isolate himself from the others in the group. But not now.

"There's nothing" he replied, but you narrowed your eyes to let him know that you didn't believe him "No tricks, I promise"

"So does that mean I'm the boss's favorite?" you asked with mock enthusiasm, deciding to play with his patience a bit.

"Shut up or you're going to lose your privileges," he countered. It felt good to tease you, have a little fun for a change.

You were sitting there until the mass of people that gathered at noon allowed it and then you returned to The Slat with your hands loaded with bags that at some point in the day you would place in the cupboard, not wanting to do it immediately so as not to spoil the atmosphere of peace between you and Kaz, who hadn't left you yet.

“Anything in particular you want for lunch?” you asked, moving closer to him. It was just the two of you in the kitchen and the rest of the place was relatively quiet. "You know, to offer you privileges to threaten you with later."

He almost laughed, but the suppressed smile you saw on him was enough to make you want to see more. You and Kaz were friends (or so you hoped, at least) but there weren't many memories between you like that, almost all of them were related to work or at the club or with one of you saving the other's ass. You had only once helped him heal a wound, just because he couldn't reach that section of his back and then he justified himself by asking for your help by saying that it had been partly your fault, which was totally false but that you weren't going to argue with him if that made him feel less embarrassed.

It felt different, like something more relaxed, soft… more domestic. You had just returned from shopping together, you had eaten an exquisite breakfast that he paid for and now you were asking him what he wanted you to prepare for him to eat… were you a couple of criminals or a newly married couple? 

The thought of a marriage with Kaz warmed your cheeks and you wanted to laugh at how absurd that would be.

"Whatever you want, anyway, my stomach already has enough defenses against indigestion" upon hearing this you barely pushed his arm, but as soon as you did, your eyes widened as you remembered who you were talking to, although to your surprise he didn’t complain.

"I'll make pea soup," you informed. You knew it was one of his favorites because of the second course he always served himself when he thought no one else was looking. You did, you looked at Kaz Brekker all the time.

He just hummed in the affirmative and left without another word.

During the course of the morning you did more activities, but you couldn't stop thinking about him and the walk they had taken together. Suddenly you would surprise yourself remembering his expressions at your bad jokes and smiling like a fool when you thought about how beautiful his eyes looked with the brightness of that morning.

Kaz ever had a partner? Did he like someone? Was he even interested in those things? You didn't know, but it wasn't a crime to have some admiration for him either, right? Jeez, he'd only been a little nice to you, why were you so excited about that?

You had never thought about whether you had feelings for him, beyond the initial working relationship that had now become a kind of family bond, although now you were reflecting on it.

And later, when his expression brightened from the plate of food you served him, you felt that it might not be such a wrong idea.

I like your smile.

It was the only note that had been left with the flowers, which you had been receiving for quite some time. Always without fail, always on the nightstand in your room.

Although you were worried about who this "secret admirer" might be, your curiosity was greater and you had been careful not to mention anything to your friends. Well, it was really just the boys, because Inej and Nina knew a lot about things, since the jobs to steal were scarce lately, you guys had more time to do anything else. 

Kaz trusted any of you so he let you roam the Crow club as you please, but also to check that things were in order: no scammers, control fights, check that the girls weren't harassed by the clients, things like that.

That night the club was short of a barista, so you and Wylan had split the responsibility for it by taking turns meeting the demand.

He was more skilled than you at making cocktails, perhaps due to his chemical mixing skills, but still the boy was patient with you and he only laughed when you messed up.

"I prefer this to be like poor Jes” you muttered amused, because from where you could see the boy sitting next to the door playing with one of his guns, obviously annoyed because Kaz had ordered him to stay away from the gaming tables. You thought that Wylan also had something to do with it, because they both hated that it fueled their gambling problem "But I need to distract myself a bit, will you be okay by yourself?" you asked. You knew he would be fine so you walked out of the bar without much guilt.

You were taking a walk among the tables when you felt someone grab your arm and you turned defensively. It was Lior, who you had already served too many drinks for a person of his size and now he was suffering the consequences. After serving perhaps the fifth in a row you got a little worried, but you didn't want to intervene because you thought it was none of your business. As long as he paid them, you had no objection.

"Y/N," he said, drawing out his tongue. Several of the Dregs were standing around him, apparently also drinking some beer, and were watching you curiously. "Sit with us," he ordered, patting an unoccupied chair next to him.

You didn't want to be rude and tried to say you were working now, but he was insistent until you agreed to sit down for a few minutes. The other men weren't chatting with you, probably as a matter of avoiding trouble with the boss, but Lior was particularly eloquent. As an effect of alcohol, he didn’t measure distances and sometimes he would spill some beer near you or invade your personal space to talk to you. You let it go because you didn't want to cause a conflict and, to a certain extent, it was tolerable.

But after a while, his behavior became more annoying. He was holding your hand and even tried to stroke your leg, but what made you jump back was when he leaned in for a kiss. Luckily you had been faster.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" you asked flustered, drawing the attention of the others at the table.

"Oh, don't pretend you don't want to" he replied. His body leaned towards you again and you moved further away, which made him annoyed "I've seen how you look at me"

"Sorry, what?"

"You want me," he stated. You were suddenly startled by the confidence with which he was saying that and how deep his voice sounded, like that of a wild animal. And, from his perception, you played the role of the prey.

"That’s not true, fuck you," you spat, getting up from your chair, but you were stopped by his strong grip on your forearm.

"Come on, Y/N. You like me and I like you, stop making yourself difficult"

"I told you no" you exclaimed with a trembling voice. The problem wasn't whether or not you could face the boy, but that he had caught you off guard. Although it was true that you liked him a little, you weren't going to allow him to want to kiss you just like that, to say the least… because judging from his insistence, you doubted that a kiss was all he wanted.

You almost screamed as he pulled you towards him and this caught the attention of several people around you, but before you could do anything an object came between you and threw Lior back into his chair in one movement.

It was a cane.

It was clear that by this point several tables had already stopped their games to pay attention to the menacing expression of the bastard with the barrel hovering over a drunken kid imprisoned in his chair.

"No means no" Kaz said slowly and quite close to the challenging face of the opponent. It was almost like he had been watching you the whole time, waiting for the perfect moment to intervene, or maybe he just had a sixth sense that would alert him when one of his crows was in trouble.

He thought that this would be enough to scare the boy and withdrew the cane from his chest, intending to turn around to check on your well-being, but he did not count on the fact that Lior's drunken state also gave him the courage to dare to jump in to hit him. The black-haired man's instinct made him turn around just in time to stop the drunk and throw him face-first against the table, holding his folded hand against his back.

If there was anyone left who hadn't noticed the discussion that was enough for them to notice, including Wylan, Jesper, and Matthias who had risen from their places to intervene if necessary. But it probably wouldn't. Kaz was furious.

You saw him whisper in the boy's ear and you knew it was a threat from the expression on his face, in addition to the groan of pain that the youngest emanated when Kaz mercilessly pulled his arm.

He remained in that position for a moment, completely blinded by anger, enjoying the cries of pain the shu boy was making.

"Get him out of here" Kaz ordered The Dregs, who had been watching everything in silence. You also didn't get to hear what he said to one of them, but the chances of Lior waking up the next day in pain from a beating were pretty high.

As you backed away you collided with a huge body and calmed down to see that it was Matthias, asking if you were okay. It didn't take long for all the men of the team to gather around you to ask what had happened, but you were still a little stunned to answer coherently.

Even so, you looked for Kaz's gaze just to realize he didn't look angry, but worried and his eyes were in charge of communicating everything that his mouth didn't. Somehow you quietly reassured him too, but he couldn't bear to see the glitter that threatened to turn to tears.

"Thank you" you managed to whisper, still a little nervous.

“Take the night off,” the black-haired man murmured, again sounding more like an order than a suggestion. “Walk her to The Slat, Jesper. Matthias, stay at the door”

The three of them returned to their respective posts and for a moment you thought that Kaz was also going to accompany you, but when you looked back he was already rushing with a firm step towards the door where the rest of his men had left.

Once you were in your room, and Jesper made sure for the thousandth time that you were okay, the feeling of discomfort eased considerably, but you noticed the bruise already beginning to form on your forearm from the man's grip.

What had happened to him? He had always been kind to you and respectful... you didn't even think that he would behave like that with you. You were disgusted and even scared by how quickly things had happened, but you were infinitely grateful that Kaz had come like a guardian angel to help you. You probably could have handled that on your own, however, the shock of receiving that kind of treatment from a person you were beginning to trust and even care for was what put you at a disadvantage.

You struggled a lot to fall asleep, because a part of you felt very hurt and sad to think that you didn’t deserve to have sincere love, but one where they only wanted you for physical matters.

Also, the flowers didn't arrive that morning.

When you finally got out of bed you were having trouble concentrating on anything and Nina had to take care of breakfast because you were too sensitive to do anything. This didn’t go unnoticed and everyone insisted that you rest a little more, but when Kaz arrived and realized the situation he didn’t wait to take action on the matter.

“We’re going out,” he said, when he finally intercepted you alone in the kitchen area, even though you weren't in much of a mood at all.

"A job?"

"A walk" he corrected you. You looked confused but didn't say anything and when it was time to leave The Slat you realized that Kaz wasn't talking about hanging out in a group, but just the two of you.

You didn't know where he was taking you, yet the road was as silent as usual. He watched you out of the corner of his eye just to see if your features changed in any way with the landscape, the aromas, or the morning breeze, but he felt a little disappointed when he noticed that your expression was still serious and even a little sad.

He wished he had taken more time with Lior last night.

"He won't bother you again" when he remembered that, he felt the need to let you know that now you could rest easy, and that you know that he himself had taken care of dealing with the matter.

"I don't doubt it," you said, letting out a bitter laugh. You knew what Kaz was capable of when he was angry. "It's just... I feel silly."

"Did you love him?" the man asked. You had already arrived at the place where he wanted to take you in the first place: it was a small meadow, with a lonely bench and too much life to be in the sad and gloomy Ketterdam. It was like finding a little piece of heaven on earth.

“Love him? By God, no, of course not. It was nice to be with him, but… talking about love is too strong. He was just an idiot”

"I'm sorry this has happened" he exclaimed, a little calmer after hearing your negative words about the other man, and at the same time the fact that you were alone gave him a little more confidence to say what he was thinking without being judged, trying to make you realize that he really cared about you.

"It's okay" you smiled to reassure him. He was going to say something else when a purple stain caught his attention under the sleeve of your dress that you had already risked up to the biceps. The night before he didn't notice that the boy had hurt you when he struggled and at that moment his blood boiled with anger "It's nice"

"What?"

"The place," you said, looking everywhere; the slightly gray sky, the birds flying around, the flowers growing next to your feet, and Kaz right in front of you. All of that made up the beauty you were talking about. "Why did you bring me here?"

"I thought maybe you needed to calm down a bit"

"Then you're a good friend," you said softly. Kaz couldn't remember anyone using that term with as much fondness filtered into their voices as you just did.

Friends. You were friends, you loved him at least a little.

"I hope so. I don't have much practice” he confessed and you smiled tenderly. Although you wanted to keep seeing Kaz, something in you forced you to look at the floor, as if there was something there calling you.

The flowers… were those flowers. You could recognize them after receiving them for days and keeping them fresh in the vase: there were the yellow ones and the lilac ones, both with small petals and a brown center.

You paused for a moment to make sure you weren't misreading or confusing things, but when you knelt down to pick up a cluster you knew for a fact that your theory was correct.

"What a curious thing"

"The flowers?" he asked, trying to sound as calm as possible. Even though you couldn't see his face, you somehow knew he was frowning.

“I've been getting exactly these kinds of flowers every weekday for a while now,” you said, getting up and showing Kaz the plants. “The stranger places them on my nightstand before I wake up, every time, without fail. Except for today"

"Maybe I wanted you to come to see them in person"

You froze in place, not expecting such a quick confession from him, and he looked at your face for a reaction. You were still holding the cluster in your hand and you unconsciously squeezed it hard.

In a panic you tried to find another interpretation of his words that didn’t imply the fact that he was the author of those signs of love, but you couldn’t find it. And from the man's slightly embarrassed face, you assumed that was true.

But the worst thing about it was the existence of the note that had kept you tossing and turning the day you received it. I like your smile. Kaz had written that too?

"So... it was you"

"Who did you have in mind?" he asked, a bit defensive, and you smiled, shaking your head.

“No one, I didn’t imagine who it could be. Honestly, at first, it scared me to think that someone was stalking me” you said sincerely. You looked at the bouquet of flowers again and noticed that some were withered, thinking that Kaz probably always chose the prettiest ones to take with you. You fell silent, not of your choice, but because he wasn't saying anything, and then you closed the distance between you by taking a small step forward, still respecting his personal space but enough to make the conversation intimate. “Why did you do that?”

Words were never Kaz's strong suit and he felt his throat tighten as he tried to answer you. What could I tell you about that? Did he himself have a coherent reason for doing that?

He thought you were going to get mad at his silence, but you smiled tenderly because, although he didn't realize it, once again his eyes had been in charge of telling you everything he was keeping quiet about.

"I like them a lot" you spoke again. If he wasn't ready to tell you, you weren't going to push him "I put them in a vase every day and when they're withered I put them in a box" you confessed. Fearing rejection, you lowered your hand to his, took it for a moment to place it higher, and then placed your own flowers in his hand. He held them tremblingly "Calm down, I'm not going to tell anyone"

"Tell them what?"

"I'm the boss’s favorite" you joked and a knot formed in Kaz's stomach when he saw that your eyes dropped for a second to his lips and you licked yours, perhaps unconsciously. You pulled away from him because you thought he might be uncomfortable with the closeness and instead, you left him wanting to have been in that position a little longer “Do you want us to sit here? I like to watch the birds”

He ignored you and a few minutes later you two were sitting next to each other, still saying nothing. Kaz was looking at you out of the corner of his eye and he thought he couldn't be prouder that your sad expression was gone.

And how was I to be? If you had just discovered that you had the sympathy of the man you admired most in all of Kerch.

"You were right," he spoke suddenly, snapping you out of your thoughts about what it would feel like to be a bird and be able to fly.

"About what?"

"You're my favorite. As a person. You are my favorite person” he managed to say. His look from him was sweet and sincere "And I like to see you smile"

"You already told me," you said, trying to suppress a smile and feeling how the blood rose to your cheeks. It took you a moment to dare to say what you were thinking. “I appreciate you, Kaz. I mean it very seriously."

You two stayed there for what seemed like hours and just enjoyed each other's quiet company, the sound of the wind, and the sight of the place. You looked at the horizon and he watched you covertly, thinking about everything he would be able to do to keep you out of the dangers of the world and what he had not realized until the night before when your integrity was threatened. 

One of your knees collided with his and Kaz, instead of pulling away from him, moved his knee slightly to rub against yours.

That day a silent pact had been sealed between you. He loved you and so did you.

No more words were necessary. Just lots of flowers.

[eventidesworld]

Listen... I know the cancellation of Shadow and Bone is the worst thing that ever happened. I know we hate Netflix with all our hearts, as we should! However, one... just one good thing that we got out of that cancellation... is this! Everything above. All of you. In my opinion, the most powerful fandom in the world. None of us would have witnessed the might of our incredible fandom without the cancellation.

It pleases me so much knowing how much love there is. How people love the books, love the show, love the characters, love the Crows, love the ships, love the friendships. We took Kaz Brekker's words "We never stop fighting," and ran with them. Fucking screamed them from rooftops. I know many of you are still furious and desperate, you have every right to be, but just be proud of what you accomplished. Be proud of how far you've come, and how amazing you are.

Keep fighting. Keep Kaz's words in your heart and keep fighting. Knives drawn, pistols blazing. Keep up the fight. Don't give up!

[secretlovezz]

omg can you elaborate more on the reader making kaz nervous?? like, she loves to tease and he gets so flustred but he secretly loves it?? tyy

I am so sorry this took for-fucking-ever and that it's so short I've been struggling to write 😭, but yes, of course, here's some more of the reader making Kaz nervous 🫶

Kaz Brekker knew he was a strong man. It took a lot to crack the barriers of someone like him and he was proud to say only a handful of people have ever gotten past the facade of his furrowed brows and down turned lips.

When he first met you he was shocked by your very public advancements towards him. You made him feel a certain way and he couldn't understand why. You weren't frightened of him and it was almost like you couldn't take him seriously; it thoroughly aggravated him.

He loathed the way you made him feel with your incessant teasing. It had a way of pulling on his heartstrings so tightly that it made him ache with a need he'd never felt before. Your ceaseless stare made him wriggle and twist in his seat with an almost delightful uneasiness; it made him clench the head of his cane so hard you swear you could hear the crackling of wood splintering.

Sometimes, you'd make a point of being dramatic about it just to piss him off. You'd lean your cheek against the palm of your hand and sigh dreamily as you stared into his bewitchingly darkened eyes. You'd sensually move your hand up his cane fingertips gently grazing over his gloved ones leaning in close behind him, so close to his ear he can feel your breath fan his face, can almost feel the cracked pink skin of your lips on the pale-ness of his skin whispering sweet nothings to him just so you could watch him shutter and let out a shaky breath.

He loathes everything about the way you act with him.

At least that's what he says out loud seemingly to convince himself because no matter the number of sighs that fall from his lips filled to the brim with faux annoyance, complaining on top of brazen remarks, and fiery glares you know deep down he finds everything you do enthralling.

You know thanks to the way he very obviously takes a deep breath as you sway and smirk your way past him -moving in a way that could distract any man if they were to even glance in your direction- savoring the way he can smell your perfume. The way he stares when you giggle in response to his dead-faced witty comebacks when in an irritating conversation with Jesper; that sound shakes him to his core every time he gets the pleasure of hearing it. You can see it in his face when he feels like his lungs give out and collapse from inside of him when you teasingly let out the most beautiful noise he's ever heard, the softest of moans while you stretch your arms above your head. Running his hand through his dark hair and clearing his suddenly congested throat in response.

One of your favorite times to tease him was when going over plans and strategies with everybody. You wanted everyone to lay their eyes on the cracking facade that was Kaz Brekker. The urge to get his heart racing so fast and hard Nina could hear it. You wanted him to twitch and shift so Inej and Jesper could quirk their brows in confusion at his sudden discomfort. Wylan and Mattias tilting their heads at him. It made you smile, the effect you had on him, the way others noticed.

You'd even started taking extra things when on a heist (the others had noticed this too). Picking up amazingly shiny little jewels, ruby-encrusted rings, golden necklaces, anything you with your crow-like nature could pick up for the man you wanted. When said things ended up in a bag on the boss's desk (usually with little notes alongside them) he knew they were from you and you knew his cheeks heated at the gesture without even having to look at him open the gifts.

He swears your smile is the biggest he's ever seen when he wears what you get him. Maybe it was just the thought that he was wearing something that you had given to him or maybe you liked to see him wear things that were yours because it made you feel like he was yours. Yours in a way he's never belonged to anyone. (He liked to think he was yours too once he had some time alone not that he would ever admit to that). Kaz wanting you is why he gave hints as to how much he liked the way you treated him. Sure he said rude things every once in a while but the smirks -becoming more like real smiles- made the passive-aggressive comments worth it. The glances at your lips then quick scoff in disbelief when you spoke in your usual persiflage manner made you stop to bite your lip at his flushed ears the tips red as cherries.

Kaz Brekker had known he was a strong man but you knew you had made him weak in every possible way a girl could.

[jackwolfes]

demigodbeautiies' end of 2023 grishaverse fic rec list ✨

this list is a selection of grishaverse fics i read and enjoyed in 2023! i've also had the absolute pleasure of getting to know a lot of these writers and hope you enjoy any of these fics if you give them a read 😊

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spring cleaning by CSHfic and VSfic: G, Gen. Nina and Jesper help Wylan redecorate. i'm such a sucker for post-canon fics and this is a very very sweet one

put up with the rain by tepesh (@voidfishersong) : T, Gen. Kaz and Inej learn something about Jesper. tastiest fabrikator reveal fic i've ever bloody read

those who pull us free by @the-jennnster: M, Wesper/Gen, hurt/comfort. Wylan deals with nightmares. super artfully written, short and sweet and the right kind of painful.

like gravity by @basicbard : M, Wesper, angst with light smut. Super beautifully written

the open door invites the thief by thegoldenkneazle (@wylanvanfeck): M, Kanej/Gen. Wylan ends up in the midst of something he shouldn't, shenanigans ensue.

when crows blush by talking-crow (@six-of-crows-hyperfixation): E, Wesper, Smut. Wesper work in an office together and fuck around. super fun, super hot.

the pleasures of altruism by dimtraces (@doorsclosingslowly): E, Kazper, Smut. look me in the eye and tell me jesper WOULDN'T fabrikate a fucking machine for his best friend

bite my lips (lover red) by the_lady_king: E, Wesper, Smut. i just think it's really fun and really hot so it's going on the list.

contrast ratio by anonymous: E, Wesper, Smut. Jesper and Wylan have fun with hidden cameras. i wont lie this fic rewired my brain a bit in a very, very fun way.

holiest thing i know by @chaosride: E, Wesper, A/B/O. omegaverse can be a bit of a marmite trope but this fic in particular plays around with ketterdam's worldbuilding in a very intriguing, well done way and it's also just really hot i'm ngl

screw top rose by calicomma: E, Wesper, trans!Wylan. impeccable tender domestic romance vibes.

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and the shameless self promo zone below because i've written a lot of things i'm very, very proud of this year 💖

a choice of two locked doors: M, Wesper, arranged marriage au. my current magnum opus and general baby, incredibly proud with the way this turned out.

the bed we loved in: M, Wesper, immediately post canon hurt/comfort. just, very pleased with the vibes of it.

not just girls: E, Wesper, trans!Wylan character study. really gratified with how much this seems to have meant to people.