#i just love that they're both the kind to wear masks and keep people at a distance bc they can recognize that behavior

[tvrningout]

from zaya!! i can't believe how much he checked on her bingo... oh my....

are you chiyo's type? | @metrictita played bingo & won!

she's grinning, cradling her chin in the palm of her hand. " so ya don't think i'm punny? " is she much too amused right now? yup. " guess i can forgive that if you'd listen to me infodump, though. "

this has me ( ͡• ͜ʖ ͡• ) especially bc even though i haven't sent it in yet, i know chiyo checks off a lot on zaya's bingo, too! so i'd be down to see how they'd do as a ship. it would be slowburn for sure with a lot of work, considering how both of them are :' ) but i feel like it could be a dynamic that has good growth? bc zaya apparently will call chiyo out just as readily as she'll call him out asdfg absolutely no pressure ofc if you don't see it happening!! i still love them as friends regardless, but i'm always happy to explore potential ships with you <3

[jellazticious]

bing bong bootleg SS au

very long ramble under the C

stuff are subjected to change

The working title isn't solidified but I'm leaning on either Candy Castle or Pastry Castle

Tho I think I'm gonna go for pastry cuz it has the same amount of letters as castle much like pizza and tower have the same number too

The tower is a gingerbread castle. According to a friend of mine (It's Beefy, it's always Beefy go follow him) that Hispanics love their bakeries and yeah, I guess that makes sense. Not only do I have a theme based on the protag's culture but also the theme gets narrowed down to just baked sweets. Candy in general is too broad, I would die figuring out how to put every kind of sweet in it, and if I did it's gonna be really cluttered hooboy

Noise is called Theo because that's Peppino's name formula. Peppino is a nickname for Giuseppe so I thought I'd give Noise's swap a nickname to Theodore as the main name

Hazel Nutt is pretty self explanatory cuz Noisette means hazelnut in French

Their outfits are pretty simple to mirror Peppino and Gustavo's with just coloured shirts and aprons

Hazel doesn't get a mount because she would have Theo's prototype rocket skates. Just like Gus, she would have different stages of getting used to the skates per floor. First she gets blasted from end to end cuz she can't control the thrust. Second, she manages to turn it off but she's trying to keep balance on it. Third, she catches her breath now that she could stand still without moving or slipping. Next she would make a card castle, in reference to the very castle they're inside. and lastly she'd be holding a box of sweets without giving a shit about the scary floor.

To parallel the og Noisette, Hazel would smile bigger when Theo faces her direction.

Hazel is also Theo's delivery gal to match and switch with how Peppino WAS Gustavo's delivery guy

The "kick the rat" function would be Hazel swinging one of the skates and the cops grabbing Brick would instead hold a weapon detector that also functions as a magnet

Unlike Peppino, Theo is more aggressive than anxious. Imagine an injured cat defending itself from what it thinks is a threat

the name of Pizzaface's swap is Pieface for obvious reasons 😭

but HEAR ME OUT

both pizzaface and pieface are used as insults. pizza face is used for people with so much acne and pie face is used for someone with a flat face or dull expression. It isn't just a pun on what food the characters are made of. Pieface is also a reference to the trope where people headshot other people with pies. With the mech floating towards the protag, it would look like a pie is being thrown and targeted at Theo

Honestly drawing what food makes his face is so fun. Did you know that before the croissant smile it was supposed to be syrup shaped to a smile? The nose was a long whip of cream before turning into a cut strawberry for the mustache effect

Pizzahead's candy version would be called Gingerhead because of how ridiculous it sounds.

Gingerhead is based on Willy Wonka much like how Pizzahead is based on Ronald McDonald which is why he has more of a showman look than a clown look

okay side note, it just occured to me how ironic PH being based on Ronald is considering McDo's isn't a pizza place

actually Wonka doesn't even sell cakes and shit so, I guess it's fair game

Theo has the nickname Muffinman to reference the rhyme. but this time, it's the gingerbreadman chasing the baker

Next up is Mr S, who would be Peppino but he becomes rich. Mr S is the stage name he uses. He is a known celebrity much as Noise is but he is more of a boxer than a host. Like Dwayne Johnson or something. His name is partially a reference to ResEvil's Mr X, another absolute unit of a guy

also the reason why he doesn't wear a shirt. He's committing to the bit. If he needs to cover himself when he isn't playing a role, then there's his robe. He doesn't take out his mask most of the time tho

Mr S's mask is based on the Chef Raider design but also part of the scrapped superhero design much like Pizzano. Actually speaking of Pizzano, S is characterized so similarly to him cuz Pizzano is the only SS character who was actually written well to my standards. To be fair we've seen too much of Peppino to flunk characterizing him sksksk

Since this is Peppino that Mr S is based on, he's not as tech savvy or as self centered as Noise so he doesn't have robots that look like himself. Instead he has ants for a crew

the ants swap the place of rats. the rats in PT reference the new york pizza rat while ants just generally eat your food especially if it's sweet when left alone for five minutes

the ants come from Mr G, who would be Gustavo's swap with Noisette. He's Mr S's lawyer. at the end of S's bossfight, G would snatch him away with Click (the ant) because S would make a foul and embarrassing move on live camera

I can't seperate Gustavo and Brick so Click stays with Mr G instead of assisting Hazel

inside what would be Noisette cafe, instead of Mr G and Click being behind the counter, they would be sitting as customers next to Caraman. the barista isn't seen anywhere

Honestly when I'm writing everyone, my logic of swapping them isn't "make them switch places AND personalities" but more of "write every single one of them with the og personality because giving them a different lifestyle/role would drastically change their motives and how they behave"

I'm practically just swapping each character's place of birth

I mentioned this because it's kinda funny with Noisette and Gus since they play the exact same role of assisting Peppino/Noise so swapping them won't change much in how they act. They also have the same cheery and welcoming personality by default so Hazel and Mr G would act REALLY similar to their og

The only difference is that Gustavo can be threatening whenever Peppino fucks up. It fits right in with being a lawyer for the same goon

Now we got Mel Caraman who would become this au's Vigi. Lemme just say off the bat that Caraman is just as delusional as Vigi. He gets hired as a guard for floor 2 and took it way too seriously that he thinks he's some sort of sentinel. Hired as a guard but thinks he's an ancient guardian or something

his name vaguely references James Bond because you also VAGUELY get "caramel" out of "Caraman, Mel Caraman"

Caraman is a caramel apple but he's half glazed to form an eyemask. he's also got a stick poking out his head that stretches his chorro hat. the big hat makes him look cooler anyways. Bro I was so ready to settle for a shitty wild west mayor hat and I owe Beefy one for suggesting a new hat. I was gonna make him look like Doug Dimmadome with the short brimmed tall hat😭😭😭

but yeah Caraman doesn't have the same dignity as Vigi does. He can fight crime decently on normal circumstances and badass when he's full serious. But like day in day out he's so obnoxious about looking for crime that people get tired of him nor would they take him seriously

he would also be mistaken for a pepper

Next to last, Cam M. Bert or just Bert who would take place of Pepperman. he's an artist who appreciates the world instead of himself, a freelancer also. There was only a bossfight because he was coincidentally commissioned to make a mural for the castle the same time Theo busts in. He didn't like how Theo ruined some of his works with his rush to open the door

Bert is a cream cheese instead of a cheese slime. his beret is actually a little cherry to distinguish him from the other creams.

Bert is really chill and humble, He's like Bob Ross, whenever he can, he'd try to talk about how every beauty in the world should be immortalized through a canvas

In parallel to Vigi's delusion of thinking he's a human, Bert thinks he's actually a living painting (which is completely possible for someone to be in the PT world since Pepperman was able to do it with his own art)

instead of a :{ face that Vigilante has, Bert has a :3 face

the naming formula is taken directly from Vigi

Vig E. Lantte

Cam M. Bert

There is a type of sweet cheese that's really creamy called camembert which his name is a direct reference from. Here is a picture of a camembert since it's hella cute

Camembert cheese was also suggested by Beefy, brother thank you for not allowing me to name this cunt Creamlad

Mr Lardo would be in place of Mr Stick but his motive is that he's collecting Theo's money on BEHALF of Mr Stick. They're probably the only ones who completely stay intact because there's not much canon info of Stick WITHIN the game itself I also feel he's a crossover character from his own "series" with how long McPig has him prior to PT so I just swap the character who makes the "cameo"

The toppins are still called toppins because they'd be used to decorate a cake or pie. They would be

Strawberry - Mushroom

Cream - Cheese

Cookie - Tomato

Icing (in a piping bag) - Sausage

actually I dont know yet for the pineapple but I'll get to it. I've only been figuring out this au since four days ago....

Lastly (of the characters), the Faker in this would be mechanical to match the original Noise's familiarity in robots

Fake Theo (temp name) would be engineered to be "Theo but way better" while actually being succesful with it. Faker would also sort of look like a mini figure of a ballerina. Referencing The Nutcracker

Opposite to Fake Peppino, Fake Theo is more graceful than terrifying but it's so uncanny how unnaturally pretty it is

and now some misc stuff

Title of the final level is When The Cookie Crumbles

the pepper pizza will be replaced with an extremely sweet pie and the immunity is caused by the sugar rush from it

Pizza Time is called Crunch Time

Pillar John would be a giant graham cracker since the walls are made of cookies instead of bricks. Gerome however, is a solidified bar of brownies. like a shittily made brownie that it just turned into a construction brick

Snotty is a pure white cream cheese and that's cuz he's actually made of glue. His name is Sticky

Pigs would either be bears or rabbits with how many times those two animals represented sweets

I'm gonna be clear with everyone here. I literally made this au cuz I'm going insane trying to make swap stuff with Pascal/Stefano when the au itself is so empty. sure it's colourful but it's so empty like I can't draw SS characters outside of poses

I tried like doing fanon modifications as I always do then there's so much I "modified" that at this point it's not Sugary Spire anymore. Just straight up a completely different au. The only similarity is that it's a swap au with sweets

it is what it is yknow. this is my life now. I said fuck it and went with the flow and boom, new personal au that I poured too much into

basically I blame Pascal for this

[the-s1lly-corner]

How they react to you telling them you're pregnant

Obligatory reader is afab but like most of my posts they're gn/gendered pronouns aren't used

Slenderman;

Cue the confusion

Pregnant?

Surprised more than anything, he didnt think that he could get you pregnant considering you're both different species

And also he didnt think he was fertile; at least not in the normal sexual reproduction way

Kinda just

Accepts it

Now do I think he would be a good dad?

Maybe? He wouldn't be horrible or absent, but some human things are still foreign to him, including raising a child.. so hes probably going to need a decent amount of guidance

I feel like he'd also be a helicopter parent? He already watches you like a hawk, he'd probably start doing the same with his kid as they get older

"Hey (kid name) who's that tall white boy following you??" "Oh that's my dad"/j

Becomes more protective of you during the pregnancy and the weeks after

Takes it in stride tbh

Splendorman;

Pause

Before you start to worry he scoops you up

Also thought it wasnt possible, but is hyped when he finds out the news

He WILL pamper you... may also dip into overbearing territory, though

He just doesnt want you or the baby to get hurt

He says goodnight to the bump later on in the pregnancy tbh

Oh you know hes gonna be decorating their room and giving them loads of toys

Would be a good father but may dip into unhealthy habits

This dude struggles with toxic positivity imo, so that's definitely something that's gonna need to be addressed

Laughing Jack;

Okay obviously ALL of them are probably going to be sat down and told the news, but Jack is gonna need the most talking to given that he probably doesn't grasp the gravity of it

He KNOWS what pregnancy is, he KNOWS what a baby is; but he doesn't know the intricacies of pregnancy if that makes sense

Like he doesnt know about the soreness, or cravings, or how fragile those tiny human beings actually are. Dude already struggles with being gentle with adults

So it's going to require a long and in depth talk about everything that's going to happen if you guys decide to keep the kid

Reaction wise, he takes it seriously. Kind of uncanny compared to his usual silly demeanor

Again, due to him being a lil dumb hes almost under reacting

As a parent I think...

Okay he'd probably kinda suck

He would love the kid but he would be so so so irresponsible I'm so sorry

Gives the kid candy for meals (bro cant cook)

Get that man into some parenting classes PLEASE

Eyeless Jack;

Another "I'm surprised because I deadass thought I was infertile" one, given my whole lore/Hc for EJ

The most worried out of them all

"What if they're like me and are cursed? What if they hate me? What if they grow to hate me? What if-"

He baby proofs his cabin... before insisting that the baby stays at your place primarily (if you haven't moved in with him) because he's scared of his whole... eating people thing

Please give him loads and loads of reassurance, hes gonna need it

He'll work hard to be the best father he can be, though!

He takes the kid out for walks in the woods, teaches them different plants and bugs and tells them which are dangerous

"Oh I don't want to hold them, what if I hurt em?" *falls asleep while holding his baby after reading them a story*

Masky;

You gotta baby proof him and the house im sorry, hes feral

Another "you're gonna have to sit him down and lay down the rules" type deal

Hes already mellowed out around you but he needs to mellow out a touch more for an infant

Hard to gauge his reaction but he seems.... excited? Hard to tell when hes sitting still and wearing a mask

When the baby comes he, like slenderman, also watches them like a hawk

You will walk in on him sitting over their crib at 3am/hj

Surprisingly gentle when it comes to handling the kid, just casually walks around with them and shit

Great for looking after the kid during the night while you rest

Hoodie;

V similar to Masky but he's already naturally calm

Putting this here now before I forget but he would take his mask off to make faces at the baby to try to make them laugh

Mf doesn't take his mask off for you though ☝️🙄/hj

Surprisingly good at calming down screaming infants for some reason

Similar reaction as Masky; hard to read but way easy to guess its positive since he lightly boinks where his mouth would be under his mask to your cheek while papping your stomach

Hes a lil silly

But hes got the spirit

Good dad, me thinks

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "What type of karma/karmic cycle are you healing now"

[TW FILLED READING]

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read about what karmic cycle you are called to end in this moment and the triggers that may be related to it. it could be something from this life or a past life as well. piles seem to be interconnected somehow so if you're called by more than one pile, it's okay (but remember to focus on the word "now" when asking your question). reminder that I'm not a therapist of sort, so take everything with a grain of salt or just as an input to maybe navigate further within or contact a professional figure (if necessary according to you ofc). it's also a general reading so messages may not/all be for you.

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life. readings do not substitute real life experience nor professionals/doctors advices.

(photos found on unsplash)

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pile 1 (relationships/communication)

You are probably healing something related to your connections/relationships. It could be something you couldn't see properly in your past (or at least you couldn't see from a different perspective) but now you are starting to realize or will soon. Maybe it's an habit you picked up in your early life, like wearing a mask in fear of being judged or left alone, or people pleasing, or always being there for others but feeling like a burden when it was you the one supposed to receive as much (and therefore acting as an independent person who doesn't need anything and for whom everything is fine). Maybe you also *fear* misinterpret others' behaviours in your regards, or you may overthinking if they are somehow betraying you or something. Like treating you in a certain way but actually thinking differently of you? Maybe you fear being lied to, somehow. And not being really appreciated unless you overgive and try to not bother them with your "problems" (which are problems ofc, but you may try to keep them for yourself and deal with them alone or deem them as less important than others' problems and put them in a second position -as you put yourself on a second choice level compared to others). You may be thinking: if you give so much and don't ask for anything in return, how could they leave you? It could be a reasonable thought, but at the end of the day it's not... Relationships are far more complex than this, and also very different (so maybe not everything in this pile may resonate with you).

Ofc it's understandable where you come from: you probably had been dealing with lies/betrayals/abandonment of different kind in your life and now it's hard to both be yourself and also trust others. But the message you send when you're being too self-reliant/independent (a silent cry for help despite what you're showing) cannot often be heard by them. All they can read between the lines is: "I'm okay, I don't need you". And ofc, this doesn't make people interested in you, especially if it's an habit of yours to keep them out of your needs (and out of your life: people cannot read our minds, and they're not here for that. But those who care would like to experience the joy of helping us, if we let them in and told them about us and what we need. They'd love to help us as much as we love to help them. They'd love to feel as happy and warm inside as we feel after we help them. But maybe first we need to stop and think about who we really are and what we really need from others, and from ourselves too. And let ourselves be vulnerable, knowing we can survive anything and that often others' reaction to us are not related inherently to us: we're not responsible of what they do with our trust/words).

You're learning how to properly communicate your needs, your fears and your boundaries. How to let others see you for who you are without any fear of judgement. How to be able to properly receive all that you wish for in a relationship. In order to do this, you need to take a brave step and look at what is going on from another perspective, different from the one that is suggesting you you're simply not good enough to have good and fulfilling relationships; or that you're unlovable or that people leaves cause you're just supposed to be alone forever. Or that everyone hates you. That is not so. Don't trust your wounded ego in this, do not follow its pattern into the hole. Be stronger than those fears, and see yourself as the lovely, kind and sweet human being you are. The very deserving of love and acceptance human being you are. And start by loving and accepting who you really are. You're not too much to bear with (as I read not long ago: when you fear being too much asking for something, it's generally because you didn't get enough of that). Analyze your relationships from a more objective point of view: we tend to see the "guilt" in the others (we blame them for abandoning us/letting us down, feeling resentful for how they treat us but also powerless when confronting them) or in ourselves (we're not enough for them/we cannot be seen and this may makes us angry too), but in relationships the truth is often halfway. And lack of proper communication, respect and understanding is what ruins everything (together with possibly not-compatible issues/traumas: if someone cannot give you what you ask for it's okay, other people will be able to fulfill your needs. Do not stuck/fixate yourself to receive from one single person everything you need, stay open. And let yourself be seen first: do not always wait for others to be interested in you to start with; at times it's hard for people to climb our walls and they may renounce, so at least lower them a little here and there, as you feel comfortable to. For as much as it can be okay to generally not be the one always taking the initiative, it's good to occasionally do that and show interest in the other as well). Anyway, don't be too harsh on yourself: you always acted and act for your best, to save yourself from pain, and you couldn't see that you probably were helping this pain staying alive, unconsciously searching for confirmations of its existance and of your inhability to have good relationships (maybe you were searching for them in the wrong places?). Forgive yourself and others (especially those who gaslighted, diminished, silenced or *unconsciously* taught you that you're not worthy first), and let things change for your best. Let your people find you.

For a few: If by any chance, you're not hiding yourself but actually trying to stand out or show yourself at any given time, it's probably the other face of the same coin. You try to get the attention you couldn't get to receive and what you learned is that to get it, you need to stand out or call for others/interrupt them, make them notice you, show you're as worthy if not more by being more vocal, and feel better about yourself after succeeding. Many people may not appreciate this or believe you do it as a form of egoism, but it's generally not so. Try to balance and listen to others too, do not just let your fear of ending up being unseen take you over and eclipse others (Ik you can't always see that cause you're trying to fulfill your own need and therefore unconsciously closing off from others' ones, but it can happen). You'll be seen as much as you need anyway. Be patient. :)

song: through the dark | vanbur

[if you're called by pile 3 as well, feel free to take a look + if you have been seeing lot of 3s, it could be a confirmation for this pile n.1 being yours]

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pile 2 (control/abandonment issues)

Out of all the piles, I think yours is the one needing more work, and also more patience, time and reflection/introspection. Be kind with yourself and go slow.

You're probably closing (or need to close) a chapter in regards to your need to be in control of what is going on in your future/life. You're deeply scared of the unknown, of not being able to control what is happening and probably you also fear not being able to take your own decisions but having to conform or accept whatever is going on for you. And ofc this is scary because the moment something you don't want to will happen, you won't have any other choice but to lower your head and obey/go with it. It's like you're caged. The future and this *fake* lack of control are making you pretty anxious and in need of knowing every detail of your life before taking any action, to be sure it's all okay. Maybe you also fear not being able to really close with this chapter and being trapped in it forever? As said, not knowing how things may turn out, would be too "risky" for you. I feel like it's also too scary to receive some kind of "no", whatever it may be about. It would crash you (or you think it would, somehow... but why?).

You probably need to separate yourself from what is going on around you. Nobody has real control on what life offers to us and when/how, nor on others' feelings about us (which only depend on how those people see us from their personal pov and based on their own experience of life, on their background: they can only have opinions of us based also on what we allow them to see of us). But we have whole control on ourselves, on our emotions and on how we respond to life and other people' choices/thoughts about us (what we make them mean about us). And we have control on what we want to do, how, when, why and if we want to say "no" to something. We have free will (I understand in some cultures and maybe also families it's a bit more complicated than this, but maybe you can get to at least politely talk and show your pov instead of giving up since the first minute? Or find a compromise on something else. Idk... Maybe it won't go as bad as you think, especially if you also silenced yourself out of fear in the past. Maybe the no's we've got in the past were about a specific thing for a reason, and not about everything as we think). I guess many times you just accepted your fate/destiny in the form of a decision taken by someone else (an authority figure of any type, from a boss to a parent... even tarot/astrology readings -excessive/anxious consume-?), without ever contraddicting them, feeling you're the one that doesn't know anything, feeling not enough to/inferior. Accepting what they were telling you about who you are and who you are supposed to be and obeying, living up to that (in pain and resentful, but still...). Or maybe this is also a way to save yourself from failing? If it's someone else guiding your life or telling you what to do/who you are, you won't have to take the blame of being "wrong" or feel guilty for having taken a "bad" decision and being a bad person, maybe. While it's good to get guidance and opinions in proper/healthy ways, we cannot let others take decisions for us all the times. They cannot live our whole life for us: we are beings that are too complex to be reduced to what others just perceive of us or want us to be. I think you may be dealing with perfectionism and fear of failure too: maybe you learned you need to keep specific high standards (in what you say, think, do...) to feel worthy/loved/appreciated, and not living up to them may mean, somehow, that you lost your self worth or it changed (lowered).

But that's not true: your self worth is always the same since the day you came on this Earth and it's the same as the one of everyone else on this planet, even if you cannot see it because of how you were/are treated or treated yoursef. Or feel you were treated: as kids we don't understand the reasons behind adults' behaviours, and if they too are not so emotionally stable or able to verbally explain things, it may be difficult to understand what is going on since we are learning all that from them (= esp. the "authority figures" around us: caregivers/parents/teachers/relatives...). We may make their reaction to us not being "perfect" (= not acting as they would want us to) mean we're not enough, we're bad, not deserving enough, and that we need to perform better to receive something good/praise/love and to obey to them, because we cannot take decisions that are correct. We're a failure and cannot do anything right. And we may risk losing them or them may let us down/abandon us if we don't perform well.

I think you need to move into known water, to know everything is good and will be good, so that you know you won't fail? Or that you won't be considered as "bad", whatever that bad means to you (probably that you're not worthy of something, of others, of... Idk). Not knowing/not having the control means you won't be sure of how things will be and if you will be able to make it, to survive (yes you will), to be considered well and... not abandoned. But if you keep the control of what is going on and get confirmations that you're taking the right decision before taking it definitely, and that all will be fine, you can actually perform well and do things right and be sure of your success and nobody will see you as a loser and leave... right? Well yes, but no. Cause that's not something that you or anyone's actually able to do: we cannot control what's outside of us and know every little detail of it with absolute certainty... And those "authorities" may be wrong as well when taking decisions for you. You may be scared of being you cause you feel like you lack something (you are "unable to do things well", eg.) and people may end up leaving, while if you try to control everything (eg. plan what to say/do based on how others will respond/what they like and not on who you are and what you think for real) instead you'll know that all it's fine and safe and you're okay and they won't leave, and you'll be accepted and a good person. But again, we cannot control it all: many things are not depending on us in this life and probably.. it's about trying to deal with your guilt (an old wound too, again in regards of how you see yourself and think you are seen: "imperfect/flawed", bad) and letting yourself just be you. We're all imperfect and flawed, occasionally bad; we need to forgive ourselves and just be kind with ourselves cause we're trying our best anyway, especially when we're actually trying: it means we're allowing ourselves to take risks and live our life no matter how it will be, but we'll get to live it fully at least. And to decide for our own self. To see what can happen good, to trust that the unknown doesn't have to be bad, nor us, even if we're not "perfect" (remind yourself that perfection is not an absolute dogma, everyone of us has their own definition of perfection, and society has its own as well that btw keeps on changing whether it's physical or about life goals. Someone not liking you doesn't mean nobody likes you). Take control of your fears, talk with them, acknowledge them and love them. Be there for them and yourself: you can do this.

song: just one day | deproducers

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pile 3 (self neglect/emotional avoidance)

You're generally healing a cycle of self neglect. You either dismissed or deemed your experience as less important or worthy, you probably use/d to compare with others a lot and see them as better than you too. Or more deserving. I think you may have disconnected from yourself in order to follow and help others, or out of a huge traumatic experience (nothing strange here: it's a common self defense mechanism). You probably felt responsible for others cause that's what you learned is your duty here (also to survive/save yourself in some way: eg. you had to grow in an "unsafe" environment, so you tried to keep it as emotionally safe as you could by taking charge of making the mood/solving problems that weren't yours to solve, or something like that; you could have learned to read others' emotions by being hypervigilant of their moves/words so to predict their moods and save yourself), but it's not so.

You're trying or are called to come back to yourself. To get back in touch with your core. To do this, it's important to take time for yourself, and do some self reflection (journaling could be a way too: you don't have to write things chronologically or that are reasonable, just let your thoughts/emotions flow). Reconnect with your body too through healing movements (yoga, walking, exercising... as you wish) or simply taking good care of it by giving it rest and the correct supplements it needs. Realize your worth and that you're deserving of receiving and give to yourself, especially time (you have lot!). It's important that you reconnect with yourself also cause that way you can reconnect with your intuition as well and trust yourself again. You may have stopped trusting signs or downloads or even your own feelings or gut instincts, deeming them (and yourself) as wrong, incorrect, likely to fail. But that's just probably a fear of yours: an insecurity that originates from having judged your mistakes too harshly (maybe after having being criticized the same way a lot, or having been caused to feel guilty for unimportant stuff, even unwillingly -cause of other people's issues: especially if you were surrounded by people self criticizing a lot or self talking negatively, you may have picked up this same habit too. But what if instead of "stupid/ignorant" you're just distracted or tired/stressed and therefore you made a mistake, that is very likely solvable too?). On a side note, self trust doesn't mean you feel sure and okay when taking an action. You may still have doubts or not like what you may need to do. We're still humans, and we can trust ourselves and still be scared of being wrong. But our intuition will always tell us if what we're doing is the right thing to do, no matter how it will turn out (intuition may not always be right especially if we're not grounded and also if->).

Your inner critic/wounded ego may be a bit too strict when it comes to you, pretending perfection in you in particular but also around you. Being ready to always point out every little flaw or incongruence that you may see. It may really shut your intuition as well. All this acts as a self defense mechanism: getting what you wish and having your intuition actually pointing you towards that result could be scary, so you tend to find flaws or imperfections in it to keep yourself away from that and safe in a known situation (even if it's not what you want). But we can only end up ruin intuition when trying to look at it through reason/thoughts. You may need a lot of constant reassurance, cause you may tend to overthink a lot and get any little negative sign as the confirmation things aren't going well (at times you may also be so focused on needing a specific answer that you may shut other possible ones out of you: try to stay grounded and open before asking for confirmations or such, especially from your Guides). You may also tend to project your fears and perceived imperfections on others: as Carl Gustav Jung said, we tend to project and judge others first to defend ourselves from their judgement, but it's actually ourselves that we're judging. Not them.

It's okay to put yourself first: as long as you are not trying to impose yourself on/take advantage of others, you're just putting yourself on their same level. And showing yourself you're deserving of as much. And you do. You don't have to always help others reach their goals by giving up on yours, or letting them having what you want: you're too kind for this world, but this world won't give you a prize for doing this. It will just give you nothing (and this also if you're doing it out of fear of actually getting what you want, not just cause you think others are better than you or you better play it safe to feel included/not be let down). So, fight for what you want. Acknowledge your wishes, emotions, desires... yourself. Show how much you care about yourself and stop comparing with others: there will always be someone better than you but not in everything. They may be better at something, but not at everything (put things into perspective). And even if they were better at everything, according to you, are you sure that your definition of better is the same as the rest of the world's one? Or is it personal of your life/you being harsh on you? And what if you can reach their level too instead of feeling inferior them? Or what if you're already there but just cannot see it?... What if you're just different and nobody is worse or better, actually? What if your different is what's is best for someone else, and for you too? It may feel scary, but try to be more balanced when it comes to see your worth and what you can do, who you are. When it comes to trust yourself. There's so much you can have, and already have, don't close your eyes to it our of fear. At times we need to do the scary thing: take ourselves by the hand and move in unknown waters. And it doesn't have to be as unsafe as it seems. Master your ability and knowledge, learn from your emotions instead of shutting them down out of fear of knowing them and their reasons (you may fear finding some hurtful truth in the process: if so, and if it feels too much, ask for help or guidance to someone you trust or a professional figure): they don't want to hurt you, they want to teach you and help you work on what you need in order to get what you deserve and want. Listen to yourself, come back to you.

For a few: Again, don't let your wounds/fears disconnect you from your intuition or make you misunderstand a need of yours with an intuitive hint. At times we may misinterpret signs/symbols because we really need a specific answer/confirmation emotionally/to feel better (especially in hard times). And having any little confirmation (or what we think it's so) can cause us to focus on something generally comforting/entertaining as a way to distract ourselves from the real problem/issue. Focusing on that problem could be too scary/overwhelming so we try to attach ourselves/fixate on other things/ideas/emotions to avoid dealing with the "real" ones. But we may not realize it. And for as comforting as it may look on the surface, it could really be something not good for us, as it may also lead to delusion (related to that specific thing/idea: be mindful, great things will come for you anyway and that's out of question. It's not an absolute no, but a call to see yourself and heal first). Therefore yes, try to focus and know your emotions first after having neglected yourself (and having been neglected) so much. Take good care of you.

song: under the bridge | all saints

[if you're called by pile 1 as well, feel free to take a look]

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 4 (discomfort/changing)

You're probably dealing or learning to deal with discomfort in your life. I think maybe you don't feel like you belong with the environment you are in (it may also be about who you are, not just where), and you may feel isolated. Or probably it's a bunch of different reasons, like a huge tower moment you're going through where it seems everything is against you and you cannot find a way out. It's a sad/lonely period, negative period in general and it may be more or less long. Pretty umcomfortable time in general. You're healing and losing sight of what else is going on. You're called to take a look within, into your heart, and like try to bring it back to life (esepcially if you feel "numb" somehow or lost) to realize it can beat again and you have power against all the darkness and negativity around and inside of you. You can still fight for yourself and win. Darkness is also there, the moment we learn how to watch it, to make the light shine brighter. To help us find happiness and peace too. To enjoy the process of change, and that change can actually be good despite the discomfort. And that healing is a part of our life, not all of it.

As humans, we tend to focus on what goes bad and notice all the other things that go as bad, even the smallest ones, losing sight of the little good that is around (as it kind of lose importance in our negative perspective: who cares if the sun is shining again and flowers are blossoming when there's this *negative thing* in my life?). Probably it's a matter of balancing better your thoughts, without letting them spiral and take you places you're not supposed to go (and won't even get to go: when we spiral, we may just end up creating fake thoughts in our mind out of fears and general negativity. This will keep the cycle alive and not let us get out of it but just kind of even attract more bad stuff into our life -or notice it more easily-. When we're more positive/happier, we shine, attract better things and are able to see also the good side and good events that do always happen in our life, despite everything else). When for example we don't get rid of the stress we may pick up in our daily life (even a slightly stressing situation may create an imbalance in our emotional and mental state if we don't get rid of the excess of energy it creates), when we're used to respond with fear/stress/anxiety to specific triggers even if we know we're safe, when we need for things to not change in order to feel safe, when we're tired, sleepy, cannot give our body the correct supplements it needs and feel depleted... we create the perfect inner environment for ourselves to start being overwhelmed and even spiralling or having panic attacks/burnouts at the smallest next stressing event. And the urgency we get to get out of that negativity asap, may just add more stress and pull us further down.

Do not let all these illusions to govern you, whether you create them in your mind, increasing your emotional instability when you start overtinking (even random unreal stuff that you have no proof may happen: our minds tend to fill up the void/the unknown/future with negative/fearful/fake thoughts so to block us in the same old cycle. They do this to keep us safe but we can show them that maybe they don't have to fear the unknown for they don't know how it will be for real) or you allow them to take space in your mind cause you "forget" to take care of you to give them attention. You are the one in control of your emotions and of your choices/priorities: most of the times anxiety originates from overthinking our insecurities and our "inability" (we feel the one always "wrong", lacking, failing... maybe also cause we don't trust our memory. But once you are grounded and trust yourself, your insecurity won't have much power anymore). You can take breaks and give yourself a time out before things get out of control. You can talk with your heart, with yourself, and your inner child too (probably the one who bears most of the stress and fear for various reasons -this may not be your only pile ig), and you can find space and time to disconnect from the stress you are experiencing. You can distract yourself by focusing on more comfortable things, using any of the various methods you can find online (focusing on naming things around you, on your breathing, on feeling your body and where you are/your senses...). You don't have to confront your fears immediately, and again you don't have to follow them. Or you can stop following them. It's not easy, especially at first, to recognize what is happening, so give yourself time and be patient. It's okay to shut those voices inside, and focus on something else, especially on you and what may be your needs at that time: prepare yourself for a bath or treat yourself something, anything that can relax you and nurture you; it's important to give yourself back, especially when you need breaks after working hard so that you realize you did well and can unwind from the stress of it. Especially, take naps if you can or need: I feel pretty drained suddenly. Try to not sleep deprive yourself (ofc overthinking/stressing can be very draining so it may be that that's also not allowing you to sleep/rest properly). If you're scared of sleeping because you may either lose time or have nightmares, remember you have time (plan it well: even a 5-10 minutes nap can work magic) and work on what these fears mean for you and how they originated: what are the nightmares about, what they want to show you about you? Ask for help if you need, also if you cannot deal with the negativity and all that is happening by yourself. For as long as it's good to distract yourself from triggers when you feel too overwhelmed, it's also good to try and check them more closely once you feel more calm/grounded, to see why they're there and what they want to show you about you, what you may still need to heal. What you may need to do to free yourself from this negative cage and see things from a more positive (or at least neutral) perspective. Yes, if you cannot change your mental pattern, work on finding similar sentences to those your mind is suggesting you that may have a more neutral meaning.

When things change, they change emotionally and energetically first (you can feel it in you, despite it not being so clear but just feeling unsettling), and that's what you may need to work on the most. Changing may feel scary and may bring you lot of negativity or mental/emotional traps or make you fall into a negative pattern about how it may be. It may re-open old wounds, even ones you didn't know existed in you. It may give you fallbacks about triggers/issues you thought you healed already (healing is not linear and these are perfectly fine: plus the closer we get to ending a cycle, the stronger they get). But with patience and time, self compassion and forgiveness, you can work through all of them and see them from another pov. You can use them at your advantage too. You can start seeing the good again. Take time to grieve what you're leaving behind, to give yourself proper closure, and move on. Stay balanced and present, enjoy also whatever else life is offering you at the moment, and do not discard anything out of fear of not being healed yet (being healed also means we do not react unheathily/anxiously to triggers anymore, not necessarily that we do not get triggered anymore; and we don't know what experiences we may need to make in order to "complete" our healing process or check it: trust your balanced self).

song: forward motion | daya

[johannestevans]

what's really fun about embracing batman's antics as a parallel or representative to BDSM culture is like. the doylist explanation is that the secret identities are such a large part of the plots

but from the watsonian perspective, why does no one pull off each other's mask?

why don't the villains pull off batman's mask? not just during a physical fight, but during the others - when scarecrow knocks him out with poison, when the riddler knocks his head in to put an exploding collar on him, when the joker drugs him so he can do his weird shit to him?

why do none of them pull batman's mask off during regular fights, unless the pulling off his mask is SPECIFICALLY a plot point of the comic? why doesn't batman pull off bane's mask, or catwoman's?

why in gotham do people generally let other people keep their masks on?

unless it's a specific plot point of the story, as i said, in general everyone - both villains and heroes - respects the other side's anonymity to a certain extent. the villain is only unmasked once they are caught and apprehended, the hero almost never

and it's because like. the masks are part of it, right. their identities are part of it. both villains and heroes engage in these personas to represent parts of their identities that are otherwise stunted or repressed

where the likes of wonderwoman and superman appear in their superheroic antics unmasked - implying that THESE are their "true" identities, implying that there is little artifice to them - batman is an alterego of another man

and yet, as many kinksters will tell you, a mask does not necessarily create the repression your real face does. wearing a mask or a disguise or costume can, in fact, strip away layers of artifice - as it does in the soul of batman

batman is cold where bruce wayne often doesn't permit himself to be. batman laughs at joker's or other freaks' jokes sometimes, and makes dry - dark - quips of his own.

batman goes out in the rain and beats people up, and craves to be beaten up in return.

and yet he doesn't tear anyone's mask off - and for the most part, they don't go for his. joker even comments on it in some things, talks about how it would ruin the game if he unmasked him, and that in itself is a sort of metacommentary on what i'm discussing here

as i've said before, all superheroes are kind of gay, and kind of kinky, because what they do - being in the closet and having a secret identity; having a special costume and/or mask and/or powers that you don't usually have when closeted, etc - but here like

there is an implicit boundary here between superheroes and supervillains where they don't cross this line, and it's to do with maintaining the sanctity of the "space" in which they're "playing" (not playing) together. they maintain their respective identities to maintain the vibe

the villain is unmasked when they are apprehended because that marks the end of play, in which their identity is stripped from them as punishment for being apprehended; the hero is unmasked when the villain wishes to graduate the level of pain and/or remove them from the space

this tbh is also why i love so much when like. the joker makeup is literally burned into his face and is just Like That now - it's the idea that this was once or WOULD HAVE once been an alterego, but it is now permanent whether he likes it or not

because the fundamental point of the joker is that he can't stop, won't stop, because he is so devoted and so deep in his villainy - and that while batman and bruce wayne are a few identities deep, he might as well always be wearing the cowl, even though ppl can't see it

[chahnniesroom]

tenderness | chapter 8: all fall down

[noun] /ˈtendərnəs/

1. the quality of being gentle, kind, or loving

2. the feeling of pain, aching, or soreness

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: in a world where soulmates are rare and precious, you don’t know why the universe has decided to give you one. you never could have imagined that they would be an idol, and one that you worked with at that, or the challenges that would arise from your bond.

chapter word count: 4.1k

chapter warnings: injury, blood, sasaeng fans

a/n: i am not a doctor and i did minimal research on anything medical related

previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter | read it on ao3

Over the past few years, Chan has grown relatively used to large crowds. At concerts and events, he’s excited to have the chance to see so many faces and hear their cheers. So when their security team warns them that the airport is much busier than usual and to take extra care about sticking together, he takes it in stride and doesn’t think too much of it. The group is in varying states of tiredness and everyone just wants to get home. Airport crowds are a nuisance, but nothing new. 

They file out of the plane and line up before they reach the public area. Seungmin is leading the way, Chan is last as usual, and Jisung is sandwiched between Changbin and Minho near the back. A few staff pad the front and back of the line while security surrounds the whole group.

The second that the doors open, they’re subjected to the roar of the crowd that gets even louder when they spot them. Even with headphones in, Chan blanches at the sudden increase in noise and is thankful that his mask probably covered most of his reaction. It seems that the amount of people that usually greet them at the airport has more than doubled and they’re all desperate for an interaction. It's a cacophony of fans calling out their names, love declarations, and screams that make it hard to think.

Ahead of him, the kids are urged forward, but he can barely see them through the bright pops of camera flashes and the sea of bodies pushing at them. The bodyguard closest to Chan rests a hand on his shoulder casually, but his grip is like steel, both guiding him and making sure that they don’t get separated. 

Y/n must also be subjected to the ebb and flow of the crowd as she runs straight into Chan at one point, sparking the Charge between them momentarily. Chan looks back to make sure that she’s okay, but she just gestures for him to keep going, anything she might be trying to say being drowned out by the screams and hidden by the mask that she’s wearing. Knowing that he's definitely being filmed, Chan keeps his head down and swallows his concern. The last thing he wants is rumours that might involve Y/n or put any sort of extra attention on her.

The crowd reaches a fever pitch, and multiple cries for Jisung prompts Chan to look up again to search for him. When he finally manages to spot him, it becomes clear that he’s being helped up from the ground. Chan can’t tell if it’s a result of stumbling from poor visibility or an overzealous push from fans, but he attempts to tamp down the simmering anger that he feels building in his gut. He hates that he can't be there to protect Jisung and calm him down. Regardless of the reason that he fell, this wouldn't have happened if they were given more space. They're grateful for their fans, but this is too much.

They need to get out of here and now.

The screaming is deafening now and seems to be coming from all directions. He thinks he can hear security yelling directions, but it’s hard to decipher what they’re saying and who they’re saying it to. With the increased noise comes more pressure as people jockey for a closer position, mercilessly jostling other bodies out of the way. Chan tries to ignore it all, solely focused on getting everyone into the vans waiting for them and making sure they’re unharmed. 

The crowd surges forward and they're finally given the space that they need to reach the doors and spill out onto the outdoor concourse. From there it's only a short distance to where a manager is shepherding them into the idling vans. 

They had lined up based on dorms, so Changbin basically hauls Jisung into the van with Hyunjin, while Minho ushers all of the younger members into their vehicle with no time wasted trying to organise further.

Chan collapses into his seat and everyone in the van seems to let out a sigh of relief the second that the door closes, sealing them away from the frenzy and most of the noise. There's a brief moment to double check that all the members are present before they pull away from the curb.

Chan twists around to confirm there are no injuries. Other than some bruises and scratches on their arms, they're all relatively unharmed, but definitely rattled. Their fans are generally well behaved and respectful of personal space, so this type of encounter is unsettling, but a good reminder to stay vigilant. They're lucky that things didn't escalate to a point where somebody got seriously hurt, but that might not be the case next time. Chan makes a mental note to request some sort of increased security or additional protective measures to guarantee the safety of the members and all the fans. 

Normally, they would spread out in the van to give each other as much space as possible, but today, Jisung stays practically squished between Hyunjin and Changbin who have their arms wrapped around him and are trying their best to soothe him. 

Knowing there’s nothing he can do from where he’s sitting, Chan opts for pulling out his phone and shooting Y/n a quick text. He wasn’t able to catch a glimpse of her after he noticed Jisung fell and has no clue how much she did or didn’t see. He doesn’t want her worrying about their safety.

[5:17 pm - sent]

Sorry that was more chaotic than usual haha

Wasn’t expecting so many people to be there...

We’re all fine even if it looked crazy... 

Hope everything is okay on your side and see you at the dorms later

He keeps the messages succinct, knowing that Y/n likely won’t have a chance to read his texts until later. Just like with their regular schedules, the staff are all brought back to the company and sometimes she gets held back to finish something or go out for food or drinks. He’s hoping that the crowds died down after they left to make it easier to haul all the luggage and equipment away. 

He taps out another message to Minho to reassure him that everyone with him is physically okay, just unnerved and receives a similar response. They agree to all go to the 3RACHA+Hyunjin dorms instead of splitting up, sensing that everyone would feel a bit better if they stuck together for the time being. Relieved, he drops his phone into his backpack and settles into his seat. Without the rush of adrenaline from the airport and the high from the concerts, he can feel how exhausted his body is. It's worse than usual, a bone deep tiredness that doesn’t feel like it’ll be improved no matter how much he sleeps.

It’s the Charge, or lack thereof, he realises. The past few days have been such a blur of travelling and concerts that he hadn’t noticed that he’s barely spent any time with Y/n. He resolves to make up for it this week. They have a bit of a break before the next leg of their tour continues and while Chan has a lot that he wants to finish during that period, he can afford to set aside a few extra hours for Charging. Although he knows that he can probably power through with this level of energy- he’s done it in the past- he feels guilty thinking that it would mean Y/n has to do the same.

When they make it back to the dorms, he calls dibs on the shower, intent on burrowing into his bed the second that he’s cleaned off all the airplane grime. He feels significantly better after washing up and changing into clean clothes, so he wanders towards the kitchen to try to eat something as he waits for Y/n to get back. The second that he enters the living room, all conversations cut off and the members turn to look at him with grave expressions. 

Immediately, he’s on edge again and all the tension from earlier is back.

“Is everything okay?” he asks cautiously. It’s clear that Jisung, Felix, and Jeongin are crying and the rest of the members are suspiciously teary-eyed, other than Minho who just looks murderous. “Did something happen?”

He sits beside Felix, who’s on the couch closest to him and puts an arm around him. Felix instantly inches closer, buries his face into Chan’s neck, and starts sobbing freely, tears soaking into the front of Chan’s shirt and making him panic more. Chan surreptitiously pats him down, searching for some sort of injury, but finds nothing. It makes him feel better and worse at the same time. 

“We- Yonghwan called-” Changbin finally says. The words come out roughly, like it had been a struggle to get them out. “He said-” The tears that he’s been holding back finally come out and he can’t finish his sentence, wiping at his face roughly.

“What?” Chan demands, when nobody continues Changbin’s explanation. He hates this feeling of being in the dark, he wants to know what has made everyone this upset and what he can do to fix it.

“It’s Y/n.” Felix’s voice is rough and even deeper than usual from crying, Chan can feel it against his skin more than he can hear it. “Hyung…”

Chan didn’t think that his stomach could feel worse, but it seems to twist into a tighter knot at Felix’s words. On autopilot, he continues to rub Felix’s back, but his hands are now feeling weak and he’s glad that he’s already sitting. It takes a couple of deep breaths, but eventually Felix is able to calm down enough to speak again.

“Hyung… Y/n- There was a sasaeng… At the airport.” 

Everything seems to stop.

His mind, which was previously racing, can’t seem to process anything anymore and the next few moments feel like a dream or, more accurately, a nightmare. Felix is crying earnestly again and Chan vaguely thinks that he should be too, but instead he’s numb, detached from his emotions, unmoored. He’s aware of someone grabbing his bag and putting it into his hands, helping him into his shoes, and leading him into the lobby of their building, but it feels like his mind is no longer connected to his body. He doesn’t even remember when he put on the beanie or mask that he’s currently wearing.

He desperately wants this to be a nightmare, that someone will shake him awake and he’ll find out that he accidentally fell asleep the second he got home.

He’s jolted back to reality by a voice calling his name. It’s Felix, who is also holding onto both his shoulders. He’s stopped crying as hard, but unshed tears still glitter in his eyes and there are teartracks running down his face. It’s clear that he’s trying hard to keep himself together for Chan’s sake.

“Hyung, the car is here. Are you going to be okay going by yourself?”

“Yes,” he hears himself say. His voice sounds strange, void of emotion. He knows that he has to be okay, that really, there’s no choice because the chance of being recognised would be much higher if he goes with anyone other than staff. He has to be okay, for Y/n.

“Okay. Yonghwan-hyung is going to take you to the hospital.”

“Okay.” Chan starts to walk away.

“Hyung,” Felix calls out, voice still hoarse with emotion. “Promise me you won’t go on Twitter?”

“What? Why? I-”

“Just promise. Okay?”

“I promise.”

But it festers inside of him, not knowing what’s going on, not really. Yonghwan has barely spoken, other than a couple words to guide him into the car and reassure him that they were going to get to the hospital as fast as possible. 

After 20 minutes of being stuck in traffic, Chan takes out his phone and unlocks it. It’s clogged with notifications from various staff members, but they’re from half an hour ago and are ambiguous, just telling him to call different people. He swipes everything away without replying and opens up Naver with the intention to look up how far away they are from the hospital. Before he can get that far, he’s distracted by the trending search terms. 

‘Stray Kids,’ ‘Incheon Airport,’ and ‘Sasaeng’ are all in the top 10. His finger hovers over each one for a moment, before locking his phone. He doesn’t know if he wants to read an impersonal or speculative article that might overdramatise what happened.

He only lasts another minute before he reaches for his phone again. Even though he can still hear Felix’s voice warning him to avoid it, he can’t help but open the Twitter app. It’s probably going to be worse than reading articles, but it’s killing him to have so little information.

He needs to know what happened.

His Twitter timeline is pandemonium. There’s a mixture of tweets that can be separated into three different categories. The first are ones demanding that videos and photos be taken down, that post links to accounts calling that they be blocked, and warnings to avoid retweeting information. They’re mostly vague and the replies are littered with people asking what happened. Chan scours through them briefly, but all questions are met with ‘DM me’ or something similar.

The second is a set of hashtags trending, #thankyouskijigi, #prayforskijigii, that talk about how grateful they are that Y/n was there to protect Chan and general well-wishes for a quick recovery. This only heightens Chan’s anxiety. He’s not sure why he’s being named specifically, but nothing he can think of is good. Either way, it feels wrong to see that Y/n is being praised for being injured instead of Chan.

The last is what Chan is really searching for. Any photos or videos that he can find of the incident. He has to sift through a number of deleted posts and broken links. There’s a few that are easy to find, but they were clearly taken in the midst of the chaos and the blurriness means that it’s hard to see any details.

There’s an awful clip that Chan somehow manages to find. He’s thankful that he records his screen while watching it because when he clicks to see the replies, the video has already been either deleted by the poster or removed by Twitter. Whoever is filming it has unsteady hands, but they’re close enough that you can still see everything. Y/n is lying curled up on the ground clutching her stomach, the sasaeng nowhere in sight. Chan still can’t tell what kind of injury Y/n has, until she props herself up a bit more and peels back the baggy sweatshirt that she’s wearing to expose her abdomen more.

It looks bad. There’s blood and there’s lots of it.

The light-coloured shirt she’s wearing underneath makes the blood that’s seeping into it obvious in a way that the dark hoodie concealed. The splotch is alarmingly large and seems to be expanding every second even with Y/n’s hand pressed tightly against where the wound must be. It spills onto the floor now that the hoodie isn’t soaking it up anymore. The second that the injury is revealed, the crowd panics. Half the people recoil, while the other half rush forward.

The filmer is one of the latter, dropping their phone to their side so that you can’t see anything, but not stopping the recording. At first, Chan doesn’t think there’s anything else to the video. The audio keeps peaking, overwhelmed by the screaming, but in the last few seconds, he can suddenly make out Y/n’s voice. It’s surprisingly stable, though tight with pain.

“-please send medical services to Incheon Airport? At the terminal 2 arrival hall. There’s a young female who has been stabbed.” There’s a series of pauses and moments where Y/n continues to talk. She's obviously answering questions by the person on the other end of the phone. "I'm- she's conscious, yes… Yes, lucid… In the abdomen… Two times…”

The video ends abruptly and Chan’s left staring at his own face reflecting against his phone’s dark screen. 

He feels sick. 

He feels nothing.

He-

He closes the video and searches for another.

Pictures, videos, accounts from people who were at the airport, he saves everything. He continues frantically combing through as many links and tweets that he can, especially if they have descriptions of the sasaeng or capture her face clearly.

The best- or maybe the worst, based on the way that it makes Chan’s stomach drop- video is a livestream that somehow hasn’t been deleted or edited yet. It was taken by a fan who seems to be on a stepladder or something that provides them some extra height although if they’re further away. The video is an hour long, but Chan scans through the first section that’s from before they had arrived and starts to play when he first sees Seungmin appear.

This new angle makes it obvious how intentional everything was. There’s a distinct moment when the crowd that’s offscreen shifts, likely reacting to Jisung’s fall, and a corresponding ripple through the rest of the crowd. Chan remembers that, the sudden push as everyone wanted to see what was happening and a renewed effort from the security team to get them outside.

There’s a brief second when there’s a gap between the security team that’s just barely big enough for the sasaeng to slip through unnoticed. The first time he watches the video, he almost misses it. She heads directly towards Chan, partially aided by the general movement of the crowd, and it sends shivers down his back to know how close she was to him without him knowing. With nondescript clothes, a lack of a camera, and a mask covering the lower half of her face, she almost blends into the rest of the staff members. 

Before she can reach Chan, she’s intercepted by Y/n who looks like she’s aware of the sasaeng’s presence based on the purposeful step that positions her right in between the sasaeng and Chan. The sasaeng has no time to react and the two of them crash into each other and tumble to the ground.

After that, the video gets too shaky to see what’s happening and cuts off before showing anything else.

“Chan-ssi!” Yonghwan’s voice takes Chan’s attention away from his phone. When he looks up, he can see that the car is idling at the side entrance of the hospital that he normally uses. “Did you hear me?”

“Uhm.”

“Just go in and talk to the reception, tell them you’re looking for Y/n-ssi. They’ll take you to her. I have to go park the car and then I’ll join you.”

—

The person that helps Chan at the front desk seems to be familiar with Y/n's case right when he mentions her name. Her posture straightens and she checks Chan's ID to confirm that he's her soulmate before leading him away, pressing buttons on a pager as she does so. She walks briskly and stops in front of a closed door, sliding it open and motioning for him to enter before heading towards the nurses' station.

Chan steps into the room and when he sees Y/n, it feels like he’s been punched in the gut. He physically recoils, shoulder hitting the door frame as he takes a step back.

She looks so small, in the middle of the bed, hooked up to a number of IV’s, other tubes, and monitoring equipment. Her face is pale, more so than usual, and her eyes are closed. 

For one awful moment, all Chan can think is that she looks dead. 

He slowly approaches Y/n’s side and gingerly rests his hand on her exposed arm, mindful of all the tubes and cords that she’s connected to. The Charge has never felt so reassuring, a steady transfer of energy that reminds Chan that she’s still alive. The nurse excuses herself, but Chan barely notices, too focused on Y/n and the constant drone of the heart rate monitor.

He startles when the doctor enters the room.

“Ah, you are Y/n-nim’s soulmate?” he asks. When Chan confirms, he brightens. “Perfect! Before anything, let’s get you up on the bed with her so that you can Charge properly.”

The doctor helps Chan manoeuvre himself so that he’s curled around Y/n. He shrugs off his hoodie so that he’s just left with his t-shirt and shorts to match Y/n so that they can have as much direct contact as possible. Chan knows he usually runs hotter than most people, but Y/n’s skin is colder than usual, even with the warmth of the Charge between them.

Yonghwan appears partway through the doctor’s explanation of Y/n’s injuries which is probably for the better because other than confirming that she’s stable for now, he hasn’t been able to concentrate. Instead, he holds onto Y/n’s hand, the one that doesn’t have an IV line in it, and intertwines their fingers. He’s always marvelled at the size difference between their hands.

The moment Y/n's heartbeat picks up from the steady rhythm that Chan has now gotten used to, his seems to do the same. It’s close to sunrise, but Chan hasn’t even come close to falling asleep. The time has somehow both inched by, stretched out like pulling taffy, and passed in the blink of an eye. Embarrassingly, he didn’t even notice when the doctor, then later Yonghwan, left the room. Only realising when he noticed the lights dimming automatically when visiting hours ended.

He’s alternated between doom scrolling on social media, texting the group chat since most of the boys are still awake as well, and waiting for any sort of updates from Yonghwan or JYPE. He’s restless, but has done his best to barely move, not wanting to disturb Y/n or any of the equipment she’s hooked up to. 

She comes to slowly and Chan feels like he can barely breathe, chest tight with anticipation of her regaining consciousness. Her eyes flutter open and she squints, even though the lights have been dimmed almost all the way down.

He helps incline the bed slightly, lets her have the tiniest sip of water, just enough to wet her mouth, then gives her a little bit more once he knows she won't choke.

He can tell the second she's awake enough to recognise his presence. Her eyes widen and her heart rate speeds up. She tries to lever herself up, but Chan presses a hand onto her shoulder, keeping herself in place. She tries to put a hand on his arm and her eyes scan his form.

"Stay still, you're hurt," he chides gently when she makes a questioning noise.

"Chan?” she gets out.

“Yes, it’s me.”

“You’re safe?”

Chan doesn't know if he wants to laugh or cry at her concern. She's on some strong drugs and is still recovering from anaesthesia, it's obvious from the slight haze in her eyes, her sluggish movements, and the difficulty she seems to have putting words to her thoughts. Yet her first thoughts are about him.

"Yes, I'm safe. The rest of the boys are safe. They’re all at home," he reassures her. She doesn't seem to believe him, reaching for him again agitatedly.

“Were you hurt?” 

“Y/n, it’s okay. Everything is okay, I’m not hurt.” Chan takes Y/n’s hand in his again, pressing it against his chest so that she can feel his heartbeat. “Can you feel that? You protected me."

At that Y/n finally calms, settling back against her pillow. Before he can say anything else, she’s already drifted off again. With his free hand, Chan smooths out the hairs that frame her face and she subconsciously leans into his touch. Unable to help himself, he presses a careful kiss to her forehead.

He stares at her peaceful looking face, a mixture of guilt, fear, and worry churning in his stomach. He can’t believe that he was so close to losing her and he knows that he’ll do everything in his power to make sure nothing like this ever happens again.

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[cripplecharacters]

Hi, I'm writing a book with a lot of characters who have facial differences for various reasons, and there are two I was hoping to ask you about because I'm afraid they may be too trope-y due to how they are when the reader meets them.

One is a girl who had a traumatic injury as a baby that caused the forced removal of around half of her face, including the skull, meaning she's missing one eye, around a third of her jaw, one cheekbone- the scar goes from right next to her nose back to just in front of her right ear, up to just a touch above her hairline (where her face meets the crown of her head) to halfway down her neck, as if someone took a upward swing at her head with some kind of blade. This girl has a magical healing ability, which is how she survived the injury, and has received a few surgeries years after the fact to try and give her face a more normal shape, but cosmetics aren't something she's extremely interested in. It's her face and she's pretty used to it, she likes it, and if people want to freak out at the sight of her scar then that's on them and she'll laugh. Still, when the reader first meets her, she is covering her face, though not because of her facial difference. She has a noticeably nonhuman skin tone, indigo, that marks her as someone with strong magic and thus puts her in a lot of danger, so she covers her skin to keep people from trying to kill her. This mask also includes a kind of plastic face shield under the cloth part that gives her face a slightly more normal shape. She ditches both pretty quickly once she's in a safe situation where she won't be killed over her skin colour, but I'm still really worried she falls into the mask trope.

The other character has Williams Syndrome, a scar from a clef lip, a major scar that covers around 70% of her body, including part of her face, and her pupils are kind of foggy from her glaucoma, eyes not usually focusing which makes it kind of obvious she's nearly completely blind (retinopathy of prematurity and recurring glaucoma.) The thing about her is that, when she reader first meets her, she's used her shapeshifting to hide most of her facial difference (all except the features from her Williams Syndrome) because there's an emergency going on and she would rather not be interrogated about her face while trying to save someone's life. She loses control of her shapeshifting and goes back to her normal form, with her scars and all of that, while extremely angry at someone, which does shock the two people in the room who don't see her day-to-day and who don't know that this is what she usually looks like. As far as this character is concerned, her scars are something she takes pride in. Her Williams Syndrome is a fact of her life, as is her blindness, her cleft lip scar has been there for as long as she can remember, it's as unremarkable to her as her eyebrows, and the big scar is from the time she fought what was basically a god a few years back and won, and she takes pride in that one. She usually doesn't shapeshift this stuff away (other than changing her eyes just a bit, just enough to make it so that she isn't obviously blind because that puts a target on her back,) because she doesn't see a point in it.

There are several other characters with facial differences, both congenital and from injuries, including the main character who has Williams Syndrome, I just want to know if there's anything I need to change about these two. Thank you

Hi!

First things first - great to see you have multiple characters with FD! That makes a lot of difference for tropes. Even better to hear that they're diverse among themselves! Love to see that.

For the first character, it sounds fine! She doesn't use it for her scarring - I enjoy that you make it clear - and doesn't wear it all the time, or even the majority of it. If you want to be very safe, you can have a character who is also indigo and hides it, but without a facial difference - could be referenced only in passing, or even just a mention that it was a some other, FD-less character in the same situation as her that gave her the idea on how to hide it. But again, it sounds good - I think of it in the same way as a character with FD who is a knight or a surgeon who covers their face when necessary because that's what needed at the moment.

The second one is a bit more complicated but it's okay as well! First thing I thought of is to make sure what type (open, closed, congenital, etc.) of glaucoma she has, as not all of them change the outward appearance of the eye! Just something to keep in mind to not accidentally mix the congenital appearance with open-angle onset. But back to the question. It's nice that when she transforms she still keeps some of her disability's features! As for the "hiding" I think it can be okay if done occasionally/not constantly, and especially if it's actually somewhat addressed in the story - with how, for example, people pay way too much attention to people with FDs and that can be awkward and uncomfortable. Of course it doesn't have to be said like that, but the sentiment is real for a ton of visibly disabled people - sometimes you just want others to stop staring and mind their business. That's real. Just pay attention to not make it seem like it's the disability's fault, but it doesn't seem like you need that remainder. For the "reveal", this is the slightly complicated part. It's not bad, but I would just advise you to use words carefully. I would consider it an interesting scenario that could be possibly written in a pejorative way. Make sure to put the shock on the change in her appearance, not the fact that it's a scar (or, if that is what the other characters focus on, narrate it in a way that shows it's a reaction that this specific person has, not a reasonable reaction to that information). Having someone you know shape-shift into someone else in front of you is the horrifying part, not the fact that they have a scar! Last thing, in regard to her shapeshifting her eyes' appearance - most people are extremely bad at telling when someone is blind. I suppose that it depends on the culture and knowledge of the environment she's in, but just something to keep in mind.

I will admit that I was rather nitpicky in this answer because I still wanted to give some suggestions and input, and there just isn't anything major to critique. In most questions I get about FD there are usually many glaring issues that I try to help with, but your story... doesn't really have those. You seem to be careful and cautious in your writing of characters with facial differences and I appreciate this a lot! Consider my answer a suggestion on how to expand on your characters or story, not "fix" them.

I'm very pleasantly surprised and I hope I get to read more things like this! :) (smile emoji)

Mod Sasza

[honey-beann]

Okay this might be kind of weird, but could I request some Nines headcannons about how he is with an s/o with long hair? Idk I just feel like he might have particular interactions or things to say about it and I was curious what your take on something likke this might be?

Nines with an S/O who has long hair

Note: Hi Anon! Thanks so much for the request, I had a ton of fun with this! (and as someone with incredibly long hair, it is absolutely not self-serving in the slightest, nuh uh, no way, no how.)

(it definitely is lol).

I hope that you enjoy!

Okay so here's the thing, I know that people might assume that being in a relationship with someone who has long hair is no different than being in a relationship with someone with short/medium length hair, and in a lot of ways, they're absolutely right.

That said, being in a relationship with an android like Nines, who is far more observant than the average man, and a lot more curious about the human body and all of its particular intricacies, would definitely mean that he's more interested in/aware of the subtle impacts that hair lengths and the ways they are managed can have on life style.

For example, I think he would find it interesting how much more upkeep longer hair can require (though this also depends on texture), the increased frequency with which it seems to shed or fall out, and of course, the vast number of styling techniques and designs that can be used on longer hair.

He definitely likes to touch it a lot, and may even offer to brush it for you or help you to style it in some particular way (though there is a 90% chance that you'll have to ask him to so he doesn't risk letting you know how much he likes the feeling of it beneath his fingertips).

Absolutely will braid your hair though, and he always gets the sectioning even, so that's a huge plus.

That said, he will never cease to tease you about how inconvenient your hair can be at times.

If he ever sees you pull a hair out of your food, or find one essentially threaded into a garment of yours (or his), he will immediately remind you of your choice to wear your hair as long as you do (and you can't even argue that it isn't yours with him, because he's already scanned it to prove otherwise).

If you have any form of hair care routine outside of showering, he loves to watch you go through it, eyes both curious and amused at the same time as he takes in your techniques and learns why you utilize them.

If you don't do anything outside of the shower though, don't fret, because he is a big fan of shampooing your hair if you'll let him, and he will never fail to let you know if you should still be rinsing anything out.

"There's still shampoo on your roots" as you walk out of the bathroom, prompting you to simply turn around and start the shower up again with a sigh.

Can and will scan your hair products for bad ingredients and let you know how unwise it is to use them (though he sucks at giving positive feedback in that area, so if you want to know what might be good, you would probably have to ask him directly).

"That is going to dry out your hair."

"That isn't for your hair type."

"Reviews state that this makes consumers' hair fall out after a few weeks of use."

"There is a known carcinogen in that hair mask."

Bro is relentless in his product complaints (but it's only because he cares about the health of both you and your hair lol).

He definitely doesn't quite understand why anyone would choose to keep their hair so long if it can make caring for it so much more complex, but he certainly doesn't mind it as long as you keep letting him entertain himself by playing with it or helping you to try out new/different styles.

Oh, but regardless of whether or not you're in a relationship with him, if you work together, he absolutely loathes your long hair (at least some of the time).

Definitely thinks that it gets in the way far too often and that it's annoying that you have to take the time to put it up just to keep it away from your face during the work day.

Has absolutely been smacked with your hair before while standing behind you without you realizing.

Cannot stand it when you wine about the heat while choosing to have so much hair trapping warmth in against the back of your neck.

Has absolutely contemplated cutting it off himself before.

Becomes rather amused at watching you attempt to de-tangle it after a particularly rigorous chase or anything similar, and thinks of it as karma for you choosing to have longer hair in a field like law enforcement.

(Secretly likes finding your hairs on his work chair after you've sat in it though, and was weirdly endured when he found a hair of yours stuck to his jacket for the first time).

masterlist

AO3

[heretyc]

What Outlast Characters Do For Halloween

I AM NOT LATE. SHUT UP.

This blog is a HALLOWEEN BLOG. STARTING...now.

Jokes aside, I thought I'd do some Halloween HC's since I'm late. I mean I'm not late...what are you talking about? You're crazy. I'm gaslighting and girlbossing you.

Mentions of genitalia. Minors GTFO.

Enjoy!

——————————————————————————————————

Miles -

Miles is definitely the kind of guy that goes as something funny. Couple costumes are a must, but you need to expect something hilarious. Cock and balls. Outlet and plug. Moth and lamp. Shrek and Fiona. As long as it's hilarious, he WILL want to do it. He hates Pinterest but made an account just for funny ideas.

He is def the type to walk around and hand out candy, but no one wants a giant penis handing "sour patch kids" to their children. He eventually swaps costumes with you - you're the designated balls by the way - and he paints them red and says he's a bunch of cherries.

He buys the full size candy bars but gives assholes the small versions.

A pre-teen dressed as Homelander knocked on your door once and insulted Miles. Homelander then went crying to his mom after Miles ate a full size Snickers in his face and slammed the door.

Lore accurate Homelander.

He'd also go as Michael Myers just to silently stare at people and freak them out. He DOES eat candy with the mask on. It's funny as hell, dude. When you go door to door, he will take candy, eat it with the mask on, and with the WRAPPER on, and then leave after the candy falls to the ground, smashed. The people who give you the candy are so confused.

Miles likes to go all out for Halloween, too; the outside is coated in cobwebs, and the inside is full of orange and purple lights. Expect to watch cringy horror flicks with him.

Waylon -

Waylon adores cute costumes! Mario and Peach, Bugs Bunny and Lola, Howl and Sophie. He loves seeing little bunnies and princesses and superheroes come up to the door. He's soft and gentle and hands them as much candy as possible.

He will dump the entire bowl of candy into a kid's pillow case if they're adorable. He is the type to do that. Because of this, you have to buy 5 boxes of candy. There goes your bank account!

He doesn't go all out, but he does enjoy horror flicks and posters!

When you go door to door, he's always the one to say "trick or treat" because he's precious. Who WOULDN'T give Waylon candy??

Blake -

Blake enjoys costumes that take little to no effort. Funny or cute, he likes them both as long as they're subtle. He loves going as Shaggy for Halloween. Just need a green shirt and khakis! He's already Shaggy, anyway. He solved a mystery...he just couldn't rip Knoth's face off. Or Val's mud boobs.

He buys small size candy bars and keeps the big ones for you and him. He doesn't go all out.

He goes trick or treating with you, but lets you do the knocking and "trick or treat"ing. If he sees a priest costume, he will have a mini panic attack.

Trager -

Trager is the KING of funny shit during Halloween. You're the olive to his martini. The boob to his other boob!

Yes, he'd make you go as boobs. He's a man of class.

He definitely goes all out. His lawn has a skeleton with a lawn mower. He also enjoys scaring the shit out of kids and has that automatic bowl with the skeleton hand that closes on kid's hands.

There's a fake head in the garden, and he affectionately called it "Jeremy". You can guess why.

He goes all out just to scare people. He would 100% hire a scary clown to guard his lawn.

In terms of candy, he hands out bags of sprite. He buys candy for him and you.

Trager's door on Halloween, real footage.

You don't go door to door since last time, Trager cut someone's hand off for not giving you a full size Aero bar. Serves them right, to be honest.

Eddie -

He loves couple costumes!! He refuses to dress up unless you're involved! Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio, Jessica Rabbit and Roger Rabbit, and Ellie and Carl are just some of the costumes you guys wear on Halloween!

He goes all out for the kiddos! Candy apples, full sized candy bars. He loves making their nights!

He doesn't like horror flicks. He prefers romance. Romantic horror might be up his alley, though. ;)

He's wonderful with a knife, so he carves pumpkins!

You go door to door and give THEM candy instead. It's funny, but most of the time, they're appreciative.

Jeremy -

Jeremy doesn't celebrate Halloween, really. But he does love doing sexy costumes with you. Any costume that has him in a suit and you dressed to the nines is good enough for him.

He doesn't give out candy, no. He buys EVERY SINGLE BOX at EVERY SINGLE STORE and spoils the both of you. The Rich Who Stole Halloween, much???

There's a skeleton with scissors on his lawn, who he affectionately named "Richard". There's another skeleton, looking like it's about to knock Richard's head off with a golf club.

And that skeleton is named "Jeremy". Hm. Wonder why.

You don't go door to door. Jeremy thinks he's above everyone else, and he has an entire room dedicated to the candy he bought for you. It's huge.

Marta -

Marta IS Halloween!!! She started it!!! She was there to scare Jesus in the manger.

She'd go as a nun. What did you expect??

She buys full sized candy bars, but the poor dear scares kids every year. "TAKE YOUR SNICKERS...HEY WHY ARE YOU RUNNING..."

Her house is always gothic, so she's technically ready for Halloween all year. Queen!!!

She goes door to door with you, but she's more of a scary, tall body guard.

Val -

Val loves sexy costumes and will 100% dress scantily or gothic. Jessica Rabbit, a cheerleader, Morticia Addams...they will dress in anything that shows off their figure or chest, mud boobs or not. You go as Billy and Stu from Scream sometimes! They have a mask kink. This was bound to happen.

Spooky season doesn't stop their horniness, y'all. It's actually kind of scary. You'll go door to door and they will make out with you as a guy in a Michael Myers costume stares at you holding out a bowl. You can't even say "trick or treat". They insist that kissing you is a treat, though.

You 100% watch horror flicks all night. But you're not watching, if you know what I mean.

What's scary is what's in their sex toy collection. You're going to be busssyyyyy.

[mdhwrites]

So, how does Discord from MLP fare as a chaotic god creature who gains redemption from friendship? Considering your issues with The Collector, what made the idea that Discord could be redeemed by Fluttershy's friendship work better?

So, the ask that caused me to finish watching the finale. Let's do this. *cracks neck*

Discord is less human and empathetic.

That... Is actually most of it which I know probably sounds a little weird. After all, shouldn't a kinder character be easier to redeem? Shouldn't it be more satisfying to see them change from their negative influences? Well... Yes. For most characters.

Discord and The Collector are not most characters. They're all powerful gods who mostly get enjoyment from chaos and causing problems. You inherently need a different approach to how they function when it comes to their morality. After all, neither one sees the death or loss of autonomy for a massive amount of people as a big deal so long as they had fun. That hedonism is a core part of both characters.

And this is where the Collector's humanity becomes a problem for the reason why it works with Discord: When Discord fucks over Fluttershy in his redemption, he doesn't expect her to be fair. To be good to him. His expectation, and desire even because of how he sees things, is that she'll snap. She'll get mad, break her word, and he'll be proven right about how all of this is bullshit. Sure, he probably gets turned to stone again but he's immortal. Time doesn't matter as much victory does. Even better if she snaps but keeps her word while swearing him up and down because now he gets to do what he wants.

But... He doesn't get that, does he? She keeps her word... But cuts ties. Doesn't get mad (and sorry if I'm misrepresenting any of this), doesn't throw a fit, doesn't do much of anything. Instead, she lets him know this isn't what friends do, that they aren't friends anymore, and leaves.

He won... But didn't get a prize. Didn't get the reward of breaking Fluttershy's patience. Doesn't get the reward of moral superiority because she dropped her mask and that's a CRUCIAL part of this. He NEVER believed that Fluttershy was being sincere. In his eyes, no one ever is. His chaos is actually revelatory more than anything else to him. Push someone to brink and where do their allegiances lie. That's literally what he does when he first shows up in S2 and shows how weak the element bearers can be when pitted against their own desires and vices. All but Fluttershy who annoyed him because she wouldn't play ball. She stuck to being kind.

I'm actually kind of loving how I expected to say I didn't think Discord's redemption was great but I actually love how even back in his first appearance, you can see the blocks they built on for it. But... why does this redeem him then?

Well because it proves him wrong and gives him something he's never had: A friend. Someone who doesn't wear a mask with him. Someone who genuinely cares about him. He's never had that and so yeah, he's free forever since the elements won't be used against him but... In return, he never gets the kindness he just finally experienced. A kindness that by the show's logic is the most powerful thing in the universe, literally. And so he decides that the only way to win is to lose and gives up so he can be friends with Fluttershy.

All of this btw explains why he never bothers trying to connect with the rest because he just sees them as masks which helps keep him antagonistic, even if he's not a villain now.

So what does this all have to do with The Collector? Well, see, with Discord, before his change, you could never win making a deal with him. You don't matter to him so you actually have to exchange something. With the Collector... You matter.

People matter to him... Which makes EVERYTHING he does WAY WORSE.

And this isn't even about killing people. For as fucking stupid as him not knowing what death is, and just a straight up lie by the show that goes fucking nowhere and has no payoff, that is not actually important here. Sure, it shows a lack of understanding to what he does, but the dehumanization is enough. He does horribly monstrous things to EVERYONE on the Isles. Full stop. He is a monster and this link takes you to something more comprehensive on that.

And he does that... While understanding his actions upset others and that he doesn't like that.

The smoking gun here is the line "King will hate me now." He knew going in that the dreams would piss off King. That hurting Eda and Luz had consequences. Consequences HE DIDN'T WANT. Discord thought there was no losing play because he could not imagine actually hurting Fluttershy in a way that mattered to him. It is VERY easy for the Collector. It's actually why King has so much power over him. He is desperate to keep his friend around.

But if he can recognize the humanity in one person, why can't he for literally anyone else?

And that's the killing blow. Even if you buy into EVERYTHING about the death stuff, he still knows he's doing monstrous things. That he has done monstrous things. This is why he doesn't like King reading about his brothers. Admittedly, you also have a moment like him asking for Grudgby buddies but... Why? The evidence is overwhelmingly stacked that he knows the people hate him. Otherwise he wouldn't have stars hunting and making people into dolls. Making them into nothing but toys instead of even giving them a chance to be his friend. Terra and Odalia live in fear of annoying him AT ALL and getting turned into a puppet, which happens to Terra. He treats people TERRIBLY... While knowing what he does is wrong.

While knowing King doesn't like this. That he doesn't like how King looks at him in those moments. He himself in the finale admits that the friendship is a lie and it hurts but he'd rather have that than not have a friend. But... He's been at this for months. He has been doing these things, with King by his side, for MONTHS.

Why did none of these people get even a chance? What is the underlying philosophy for the Collector? That he thinks they'll lie and cheat with him? It's not like King wasn't getting something out of their deal so King should be just as untrustworthy as everyone else. More so honestly because he IS immune to his magic so the Collector is defenseless if King decides to shove him back into the mirror. But... He gives King a chance. And he needs proof to believe that someone is out to get him. That's why Belos needs to have him check on King. He doesn't assume people are lying like Discord does.

And also... What does he get out of fucking with people? Discord genuinely takes pleasure in your misery. In you losing your mind. We get the death games in the finale but why that scale? Why the unfair rules? He's cheating like he accuses others of doing. But... He wants others to be honest with him. Discord lies because he doesn't expect anyone to bother being honest with him, not if they can get something out of lying.

That's why I describe it as the Collector being too human. He is too genuinely a person to have his crimes be as easily dismissed. For a simple shift in outlook, one thing proving his hypothesis wrong, to be what changes him.

Mind you... That doesn't happen either. The Collector isn't redeemed in the TOH finale. The one rushed part of the finale is when he should have been convinced that Luz was right. When he should have apologized for what he'd done or done a grand gesture to show he had changed how he viewed things. Instead, there's brief talk about forgiveness and kindness, which is not what the Collector is actually asking for because he claims during this section to not have actually done anything wrong (refer to everything above), he mumbles about it, and then I guess his big redemption moment is trying to use the theory on Belos. Except, you know... He spends the entire episode wanting to make friends. He is told a way to make friends and bluntly uses it like he did Belos' plans that started the episode and the death games. He hasn't grown or changed which is probably why the moment is treated as a complete joke. Then Luz dies ten seconds later and I guess figuring out that death exists SCREAMS makes him go save people. Hurray?

It's bad. At least Fluttershy's moment was genuinely built up. They showed how Discord viewed things and then presented a choice that actively asked that he either stay to his old mindset and beliefs or change to face a scarier, uncertain future. The Collector is still mostly just going off of "Friends are great! Do what makes you friends the easiest!" which isn't a new mentality for him. I guess you MAYBE get it when he fucks off in the end but also not really. Kind of like how Luz gave the demon realm a middle finger, him leaving without actually fixing like 90% of the damage he did, something that would be really easy for him but takes the citizens of the Isles FOUR YEARS, feels a lot more like that. Like these people don't like him, won't be his friends, so he tries a new planet instead. Maybe with a bit less forcing people to be his friend but why? His viewpoint seems to still be what it always has been, especially since he DOESN'T stick around to try actually be King's friend. To actually work with him and give him agency. He does all he has to to not make King hate him and then... Leaves. Instead of, you know, actually putting the work in which would have taken one line of "The Collector agreed to a power dampener to help everyone else feel a bit easier and is now working with King on what their friendship will be instead of telling him how it will be." Maybe even with showing him losing at Jenga, King getting nervous but then the Collector just laughs it off because he doesn't need to be in control anymore. He can lose and still be happy.

And again: This is the ONE part of the finale that's actually rushed. For as painfully slow and wasteful as the rest is, redeeming the Collector was just left on the chopping room floor I guess. Then again, that happened with Amity too, who never makes up for the bullying she did or actually apologizes for the years of bullying, just for the original sin (and then leaves Willow high and dry). It also happened with Hunter who always states very selfish motivations for wanting to be away from Belos and never actually disavows the things he did or the mindset he did them with. It's why I say he left Belos just because otherwise he'd be dead because it all still feels self serving. It doesn't feel like his worldview or his morality actually changed besides understanding his uncle wanted him dead.

TOH is just bad at redemption. At actually changing a character and having them rebuke their past. At least with Discord, the show is bluntly honest about even the initial attempt having a carrot on a stick for him. That if he doesn't play nice, it's back into the statue. It's why it's important that that carrot is gone in his moment of redemption. We know what he wants: Freedom and Chaos. Fluttershy won't put him back into the statue so he has those. But he chooses friendship instead because they've genuinely changed his mind and so he gives up both some of his freedom, and some of his chaos, to behave and play nice, even when Fluttershy had no reason to actually be nice to him even when he changed everything back in the end. He could have just lost. He didn't have to be honest and straightforwardly kind to another, things that the episode itself was asking whether or not it was possible for him to do.

There just isn't anything like that with the Collector and reminder: Discord is redeemed in his second appearance. He gets an hour of airtime where he can even show up before this happens. The Collector has more time to be fleshed out, genuinely, than Discord did. But... The Collector doesn't actually change. He might claim it but we don't see that. We don't see him do anything that would actually sell us on him having changed his worldview. After all, he forgave the Titans by still wanting to befriend one. He showed plenty of kindness to King with stuff like not forcing him to give Francois.

He already was like this so why does the little trip down memory lane do anything? Especially when for most of it, King, Eda and Luz are barely paying attention to him so the writers can circle jerk about the plans they had or about the amazing story they made. Even his big moment is undercut by being a joke. By obviously being the wrong move and then costing Luz her life. Just another dumb plan he enacted because someone told him it would get him friends.

That's not different and unfortunately it doesn't fix the awful things he did to others. The things he knows were wrong that he did. Discord never had to apologize for it because he'd never thought of them as wrong. Not until the moment everything changed for him.

Nothing changed for the Collector. Not a single thing.

======+++++======

Something that is just kind of an undercurrent of this but that I cannot stress enough for why the two are different: Discord can do what he does so quickly because he is a genuinely consistent character with clear goals and motivations. Meanwhile, the Collector is maybe the most inconsistent character I have ever seen which kind of makes redemption impossible in the first place. How do you redeem a character who seems to change core elements of himself every episode?

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[aparticularbandit]

I keep going back to the idea of Monaca finally coming back from outer space and ending up being invited to be a student at the new Hope's Peak Academy.

All of the Warriors of Hope would be invited and would be there, maybe, not just Monaca, but she's the most wary of it. (DR3 implies the other four were helping Komaru and Toko, so maybe they've still kept in touch. Monaca, meanwhile, is both Monaca and has been living her best life in outer space, far away from everyone and everything. Except television, which DR3 implies she somehow still has.)

But like. They're all radically different.

Jataro's still some sort of Ultimate Art because that's the best way he knows to express himself, but he's all willowy and thin and never wears his mask anymore and his hair's kind of long. He's kind of a pretty boy, the exact opposite of himself.

Masaru's maybe the Ultimate Pickpocket because it's all a game to him. Sometimes he gives stuff back, and sometimes he doesn't. But he likes the running, likes the chase. He's not a hero anymore, not a leader, but he's still a little bit Peter Pan, and he never wants to grow up.

Nagisa's maybe the Ultimate Manger - not like Nekomaru because he's not into sports, but corporate positions. He's good at arranging people, good at scheduling, good at making businesses better and more effective. He's best at knowing when people need to take time off, when to let them rest and take a break, and because he's so good at his job, the corporations tend to listen to him. His hair's grown long and bushy, like a fluffy cat's tail, and it's always kept back in a ponytail. At some point in the past several years, he's gotten glasses, and while he knows he's good at his job, he's grown more shrunk into it.

Kotoko, meanwhile, has gone full tilt into her fighter class and become the Ultimate Boxer. She hates gentle, hates it, and having something else to beat up, to rough up, to punch has been a healthy way for her to get all of that negative energy out. (I like to think she and Komaru took a self-defense class together, and she liked it so much she kept going with it.) All of her hair has been chopped short, and she has the band-aid on the side of her face that Masaru used to have across his nose. But it's still a cutesy band-aid; she still loves adorable things. (In fact, it's probably the same bunny-covered band-aid that Junko used on the Steering Committee member.)

And Monaca, herself, is also something other, something different, but she's not necessarily better. She's spent all that time alone and away from everyone and everything. I don't know what her Ultimate might be, but they call her the Ultimate Space Case as a joke. And she still knows just what buttons to push to rile everyone up.

Hope's Peak isn't what it was either, so we get to see what Makoto's done with it. It still focuses primarily on the growth of its Ultimates, but it's more about giving them a safe space to continue to pursue their passions while also making sure they get a well-rounded education. There are other students, too, Talentless ones, but they're not treated any different from the Ultimates. In fact, sometimes the Ultimates are asked to teach on their passions, if they want, and Talentless students go and learn intricate stuff from them to get better at stuff they like. (Kotoko teaches a self-defense class primarily for girls; Masaru is not allowed to teach pick-pocketing, but sometimes he does anyway.)

....

And then, of course, because it's Danganronpa, they somehow find themselves locked in the school and Monokuma shows up to start a Killing Game.

The Warriors of Hope immediately pull a DR2 vs. Nagito bit and tie Monaca up and leave her in one of the rooms because obviously it's her. Everything was good and fine until she showed up, and no one wanted to emulate Junko as much as she did, and she's still kind of a bitch, and no one knows what she's been up to in space, maybe she's been planning this for years!

Except it's not Monaca and Monaca desperately wants to figure out who it is because she's pissed off. How dare whoever this is use Big Sis Junko's legacy this way? (Yes, she still loves Junko. The other Warriors still do, too, but they've got a bit of better perspective on her. She could be good to them and still be a horrible person. It can be complicated. There's no such it can be complicated with Monaca.)

And Monokuma comes to Monaca all tied up and talks with her a bit. Asks her what she would do if it actually was Junko. Which Monaca refuses to believe because Junko is dead, Junko has been dead for years at this point, there's no way she's coming back, no way she's alive. But Monokuma plants enough of a seed of doubt that she's left unsure.

Then the story proceeds from there.

I like to think Monokuma untied Monaca. That would give her a lot of extra suspicion from the Warriors, especially if she's honest and says Monokuma did it. She wants to be honest because that's the only way people will believe her, and maybe Komaru and Makoto do, when she says she's not involved, but Kyoko holds off because she's all investigation mode and the Warriors absolutely refuse, absolutely are certain this is her fault, because it's always her fault. And if she's telling the truth, then she's obviously in cahoots with Monokuma because he's helping her! Also who is the one who still has Monokuma servants? Just Monaca. She has to be doing it!

Excepting that this Monokuma is clearly not Towa City design. Toko has seen them both - the ones Monaca used and the one Junko used - up close and personal - and they're not the same. Monaca's are mass-produced copies of the original, and they're servants. Junko's was an exquisitely designed one-of-a-kind original (she had more than one, but there's no Monokumas like Junko's Monokumas). And these are Junko's Monokumas.

Which leads to concern for the Remnants. Whether they've reverted, whether they're involved somehow. And maybe they're able to contact them (or maybe one of them is there with them, too), and nothing points in that direction either.

And so on.

Despite being dead, I think Junko's still involved somehow. Because it's always Junko, at the end. And because the idea of Monaca specifically having a reunion with some form of Junko is just. a very strong pull here. Of a Junko who can look at Monaca and say she's proud of her and who she's become, who maybe can look at the other Warriors and say the same, although that's less important. (The other Warriors would not want her to be proud of them. Monaca still does.)

Anyway, these are the thoughts. Idk if I'll ever actually long form write the thing (between the Warriors of Hope, Makoto, Kyoko, Komaru, Toko, and maybe a Remnant, that's 10. I don't know who the other six would be, unless I rope in Hiro and/or Hina (who could be teachers at Hope's Peak) and/or more Remnants (which I like less). No Byakuya, although I feel like he's been taking Nagisa under his wing. And while it'd be interesting to rope in new characters, new Ultimates, I don't want to "clearly these don't have plot armor but everyone from canon does" you know? So. That's a thing.)

Just. Thoughts.

[neonbrutalism]

Would it be weird to want to read a small drabble of Miguel, who in the middle of training Miles, gets hit in the face by a drone? Cuz if it happened to Peter, and it happened to Miles, who's to say Miguel should be spared of that fate?

Miles is pretty sure the drone is buzzing them.

He gets it. He's the cool, new Spider-Man! The people of Brooklyn want to know more about him. See his tricks, his Js, his whole New Spider Thing. They want to know the ins and outs and ... probably maybe want to see if he's gonna die horribly like the last Spider-Man and catch it on video this time. It's like they didn't realize New York's heroes were human under their masks and now that they do, they have some kind of death pool going. Miles just wishes they'd go put their bets on Daredevil instead of on him.

Miguel is kind of aggro about the whole thing. The first drone that creeps on them, he just glares at for a minute before shooting it out of the sky.

The internet is covered in pictures the next day of "DEATH MASK SPIDER-MAN WEBS DRONE" and resulted in about eight bazillion thirsty comments about Tall, Dark and Clenched. Miles takes a lot of joy in reading a few of them out loud to an increasingly embarrassed Miguel the next day - until Miguel snatches his phone and tries to toss it into the river. Followed shortly by trying to toss Miles into the river.

The drone novelty wears off pretty fast after a web Miles is swinging from gets chopped by a drone blade for the third time that week, leaving him plummeting to the streets before he catches himself. Eventually, he grabs a drone and tells it directly, into the camera, to knock it the fuck off.

That doesn't help. If anything, it makes things worse. Now, he's getting buzzed every day - and sometimes, if Miguel's there, by multiple drones at once. He's pretty sure three of them see him mistime a swing and see hm wipe out on the roof and hit a pigeon coop.

They're turning a sharp corner when one of the drones comes in too low - Miles spider-sense lets him down and he only notices it when it's about 6 inches from his face and coming at him full speed.

But it's gone before he can so much as blink. There's a vicious crunch of metal and concrete and when Miles lands and looks around, Miguel's grabbed on to the corner of a building, mask half-pulled up and the drone crushed between his fangs. The plastic is sizzling a little from the venom dripping on to it.

"Woah," says Miles as he lands next to his weird ass mentor.

Miguel unclenches his jaw and drops the drone to the sidewalk, where it shatters further. He looks vaguely disgusted at the taste in his mouth.

"Don't look at me like that," he says, unamused.

"Teeth first, huh?" says Miles, lightly.

Miguel says nothing and spits out a shard of plastic before pulling his mask back down, grumbles something under his breath and leaps up to the roof. Miles follows him, snickering.

When they get back to Miles' home later that night, his dad is waiting for them on the roof and looking both amused and unimpressed.

He wordlessly turns his tablet to the Daily Bugle's website.

DEATH'S HEAD SPIDER-MAN DESTROYS PRIVATE PROPERTY IN VICIOUS, UNPROVOKED ATTACK!

With a still shot of what is ... definitely the inside of Miguel's mouth, right as the fangs crack down on the drone's camera.

"... You know, you can just call the police when you boys see a drone. They're illegal in the city," his dad says.

"I'll ... keep that in mind," Miguel says, not meeting Miles's dad's eye OR looking at the tablet.

His dad turns back the tablet and scrolls down, "Ladies seem to be digging the fangs, though."

"I have to go."

"Girls these days love the vampire look."

"Okay, thank you, Mr. Morales," Miguel says as the portal back to Earth 928 opens.

"Hey, the Daily Bugle hates you and all the women love you, you're really part of the Old New York now!" says Miles.

"I'm gonna let that thing hit you next time," Miguel grumbles as he steps into the portal and vanishes.

"... At least he took the attention off of somebody else's Roof Top Poop Coop Fail," his dad says, "But there's a compilation of it. Three angles. Great cinematography."

Miles sighs. He should have let the drone hit him. At least then he might be getting some sympathy.

[lotus-duckies]

anyway here's a pseudo intellectual analysis of the vision quest outfits because i'm normal

The vision quest is interesting to me because it's an instance of the turtles individuality, especially how that shows in the garments they made for themselves.

Raph

Raph deviates the most from the norm, even changing the shape of his mask which feels representative of his feelings of being outcast and wanting to go off to do his own thing.

Most notably, his outfit has a lot of elements akin to alt, adult, or rebellious images, like his belt now resembling a harness, fishnets and his neck being tied off like a choker. It makes for a compelling statement on his desire to be different, be self expressive and individual, to be seen as an adult who can make his own choices and doesn't need to be coddled.

I think this also shows in how he traded his sai, which are typically not very sharp and used for self defense (though offensive techniques can also used), for flaming shredder blades, which are definitely very dangerous for both whoever he's fighting and himself. The fact he used them without hurting himself implies practice, careful use. Wisdom, perhaps. Tempering the fire for power as Splinter said.

(did i mention i think his head reminds me of a snake with its tongue out. that's very important. he looks like a snake with More Teeth for fighting. absolutely lethal)

Also I will briefly mention the implied sensory experience that was what I wanted this to be about. He has significantly more fabric squeezing and covering him, scratchy fishnets on his arms, almost every part of his face is covered except his mouth. Suggesting a sensory profile that he may enjoy pressure stimming, perhaps that goes hand in hand with the fact he's more aggressive in his sparring and fighting. Something to think about.

Donnie

I'm going to talk about Mikey later but i think it's interesting they both chose to paint themselves and wear some kind of armor to protect themselves.

Donnie's design speaks to me as someone who has so much creative energy buzzing inside him but also wants to hide. He seemed to be the most sensitive about the fact they're mutants, often downtrodden about being told he could never be with April because they're freaks, and this combined with that he Knows he's going to get hurt results in the mask. (also maybe he likes casey and his stupid mask maybe he likes it a lot maybe they're kissing on the mouth idk)

The mask and the paint feel very creative expression,very artist form. The desire to build upon a metaphorical blank canvas to make something Different. Straight up covering his face with a skull-esque image. Changing himself from the monster he was to a creature he wants to be (human, casey, etc.

And his choice to change his bo for an axe feels ever reminiscent of the "I can't fight advanced alien technology with a 7 foot staff" statement. Although his bo staff does have a blade now, he wanted More Blade. Just blade. He's giving serial killer energy. Mad scientist energy, even. The axe requires strength that he needs, and we all know from the vizioso incident that he would kill people on sight and this axe reflects that.

Also, the sensory profile: Potentially implies enjoying covered, being in dim spaces, enjoying having a solid material on his face and tolerating the feeling of paint on his skin.

Leo

Leo's interesting because he's the only one who kept his original weapons, and arguably deviated the least from his normal design. I think this a good example of Leo's autism behavior and his desire to keep things the same, holding onto the comfort of familiarity rather than taking the risk to jump into exploration.

The most notable difference being the bow and the arm garments (the guard and the elbow wrappings, likely to protect his arms from strain and the bow whiplash). I love how Leo adopted the bow to compensate for his knee being crapped out, a logical choice to focus on long distance range but still keeping his swords Just In Case (and probably internally hoping he'd still be able to use them well)

It shows Leo's leadership qualities, knowing when it's time to make sacrifices, adapting to new situations, changing for the better, and at the same time, the fear of the unknown and wanting to stay the same.

The sensory: Unlike Raph and Donnie, Leo's hood is a cowl neck. gee that's so interesting oh golly i wonder if something happened that made him not want something near his neck gee i wonder why

Mikey

And now I talk about Mikey's armor and paint. While I definitely think Mikey would wear armor to help keep himself safe because he gets hunted a lot, it also radiates "oh man do you know what would look SICK" and "Learn to be strong and calm, like the forest" "okay sensei got it ! *covers himself in wood*"

He chose wood pieces that still have branches sticking off of them, and with the way he painted his face and. general mutant turtle vibes. he looks more like a Creetur, shrekish. Mikey embraces the strange, the unheard of, the monsters and repulsive. Not covering himself with things to hide his turtle nature, but adding More to that nature. (perhaps we could interpret the paint and wood as camoflague, better blending in to his surroundings, being a better ninja)

I'm also reminded of the armor worn by samurais. A bold goal if intended, considering Mikey's inattentive and distracted behaviorisms. But perhaps that is what he aims to become, a noble and admired warrior, making logical choices to protect himself and trying to be better, growing up into a responsible and capable man. I will not mention the last ronin mikey i will not mention the last ronin mikey i will not

Enamoured by his choice of weapon as well. Splinter had specifically given nunchaku to Mikey, which makes me think the kusarigama blade attachments were a modification He made, likely to prove something to himself or his brothers, wanting to do more, as nunchaku are typically given to those in training to develop quick hand movements and good posture.

And then he has eliminated the chain entirely to just have a sickle of sorts. Sickles were traditionally used for agriculture and the same could be said for the kusarigama, but now they appear to have an association with assassination, once again bringing back this idea of wanting to be more dangerous, be taken seriously and doing more damage.

anyway

[akechi-stole-my-heart]

pLEASE I NEED AN AKECHI ENJOYER

hes absolutely central to my au but my autistic ass cannot physically comprehend this absolute eldritch creature of social whatever the hell. I have to study him under a supervisor to get the degree I need for this job (fanfic)

This was the push I needed to go ahead and tag all my Akechi metas (and meta-adjacent posts) so they're easier to find lmao. If you want you can find them under #sera talks goro, and I'll add a link to the tag on my pinned post once I get a chance to go on my computer. If you want specific advice, feel free to ask me my opinion on something in particular and I would be happy to pontificate. xD But I'm not sure where to start based on such a broad prompt, there's so much to Akechi that there are so many things I could say. Hmm maybe I could do a bullet points list of things I think writers of Akechi should keep in mind or often get wrong. I also would highly recommend reading @vashtijoy's metas on Akechi, and reading the fics on my favorite Akechi fics list for inspiration (a link is in my pinned post). Hopefully this will give you a good start on the studying of this Eldritch creature as you so eloquently put it. xD

Akechi is almost never honest, with himself or others.

There's always some underlying truth to something he says that he doesn't want to aknowledge (or doesn't want other people to notice). He doesn't ever actually state his feelings straight out as he actually feels them without some kind of mask, with one exception, that being the engine room scene. If you want to see Akechi at his most unfiltered, with the least number of lies, that's where to go, and you should filter everything else he says through that lens.

2. Nothing is ever simple with him. There's always a contrasting truth.

Does Akechi regret? Well yes, but actually no. Does Akechi hate Joker? Well yes, but actually no. Is Akechi arrogant? Well yes, but actually no. Etc. Akechi is both Robin Hood and Loki--the most common mistakes I see in people writing him come down to leaning too heavily into one side of him. This gets down to a lot of nuance and also a lot of personal preference, to be completely honest.

3. More than anything else, Akechi wants to feel loved--but he feels that he is inherently unworthy of that.

This, I feel, is the core of his motivations and his character as a whole. Akechi wants to be appreciated, acknowledged, and loved, but he can't just accept love, because he doesn't think he's worthy of it because of his trauma and upbringing that instilled the idea that he is a worthless human being. He compensates for this by acting like he's better than others, but his mask of superiority is just that--a mask. A mask that he wears for his own sake too, because if he stopped buying into it, he'd collapse under the weight of his self hatred.

[sonseulsoleil]

Alright, I've seen a lot of P&P takes, and I obviously made my Persuasion comparison post. But I'm not done talking about Austen parallels because Emma is my favorite one, and there are so many things to talk about here. Under a cut because I have no self restraint and it got so long.

First, I want to get the parallels to Gabriel and Beelzebub out of the way because that was the first thing I noticed.

Gabriel is so much like Frank Churchill. Frank has been controlled by his aunt his entire life because she controls his fortune. The second he steps out of line, she'll cut him off. He hides this with charm and arrogance, but it becomes clear by the end of the novel that none of his choices are his own. He falls for Jane Fairfax, someone his aunt disapproves of because she is below his station. They're forced to keep their a relationship secret. But ultimately, once his aunt dies, they're able to reveal the truth and get married like they planned.

This should be sounding familiar by now, I think? Like Frank, Gabriel is coerced by Heaven into becoming what they want him to be. Like Frank, he wears a mask of arrogance. Like Frank, he falls for someone he isn't supposed to look twice at. Like Frank, Gabriel becomes the envy of another character in the story, who desperately wants what he seems to have.

Which brings us to Crowley and Aziraphale. Crowley is Knightley and Aziraphale is Emma. At first, I noticed some similarities between Aziraphale and Knightley—namely the repression and the dislike of change—but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Aziraphale and Emma are incredibly similar characters. They’re both obnoxiously self-righteous, believe they know what’s best for everyone, and are deeply stubborn.

It takes Emma almost the entire novel to accept that she’s in the wrong—that she shouldn’t have looked down on people below her socially/economically, that she shouldn’t meddle in other people’s business, and, of course, that she’s been in love with her best friend this entire time (which she only comes to terms with when she’s faced with the possibility of losing him forever).

And, come on, throwing a ball to try to get two people to dance and fall in love? That's literally a move out of Emma's playbook.

Of course, Crowley and Knightley are similar as well. Knightley is a character who is very kind and warm-hearted, but is simultaneously strict and demanding. He has a strong sense of morals. He is the sensible one, the brains, the guy who always sees things for what they are. He's not afraid to call people out, and he's almost always right when he does. I see a lot of Crowley in these qualities. Crowley may be a demon, but his sense of morality is very strong. It just doesn't align with Heaven or Hell's moral code.

On top of all that, Knightley is the only character in the novel that ever actually challenges Emma. Like, Crowley, Knightley is always calling Emma out, pointing out the flaws in her reasoning, hoping she'll see his side. And she is always measuring her judgements against him, even when she doesn’t realize she’s doing it.

She values his opinion over everyone else’s because he’s the only one she can truly trust to be honest with her, even when she doesn’t like what he has to say. Just like Aziraphale is always listening to Crowley, even when they disagree, and often ends up coming around to agree with Crowley's stance, like in the Victorian flashbacks.

Like Aziraphale and Crowley, Emma and Knightley argue and bicker A LOT but it’s always with an understanding of the deep friendship and care that underlies it. And when they fight for real towards the end of the book? It’s devastating. And it’s the final nail in Emma’s character development. Faced with losing the one person she took for granted would always be by her side, the one person who has always been entwined into her life, the person she can't imagine being without, she has to own up to her mistakes.

The last thing I'll say, is that Knightley and Emma are my favorite Austen couple for a reason. They are lifelong best friends, and that is the basis for their romance. Knightley is the only one in the novel who sees Emma, flaws and all, and loves her unconditionally. Aziraphale and Crowley are like that, too. They see each other, really see each other, imperfections and all, and they love each other so much.

[r1ddly]

pretty please talk about your crane.

Yes!!! I'd love to talk about him!!!

TW: gore and abuse- I'm sure there's more but I'm blanking on what it could be so be careful on reading!! Also sorry I'm on mobile and idk how to insert the keep reading thing LMAO

So in my verse my crane has been scarecrow for much longer then others, it started immediately after killing great granny- he grew up tortured by him and he hated her and his birth mother with all of his being. He never knew his father and his mom died in childbirth, while pregnant with Jonathan though she tried her best to kill him without getting an abortion which led him to have fetal alcohol syndrome disorder, he was also born with coloboma, scoliosis, and had a bad overbite when he was younger. Before going to college (I'd say around 17 to 18) he and his grandmother got into a tussle that lead to her death, he was so angry he skinned her face off and drenched her blood into her prized white scarf, he wears the face as his mask as scarecrow and also wears the scarf.

No one in Gotham knows he's scarecrow, most people if not all believe scarecrow is just a rumor, a boogeyman of sorts to warn people to not be so reckless but no he's real. He stalks at bars and strip clubs waiting for the right people to jump out and beg for him to swoop them away (in his mind at least), he's pretty well connected with people and holds a lot of black mail on specific bar/club owners so they let him do his business. Scarecrow has a lot of hideouts around Gotham that he dubs as "crows nests" where he keeps most his equipment, not a lot of them have victims but when they do they're organized but it's extremely disgusting. He keeps them in dog cages (sizes very) almost to completely naked, the cages are rusty and more then occasionally has someone in it still (dead or alive is 50/50), these specific crows nests is where he experiments his fear toxin on them, to see how strong it is and the affects- he does a lot of experiments from very simple ones like just injecting it into the vains to extreme or questionable like seeing if body excrement like urine or sweat can extract the fear toxin if injected in high enough doses. When people die though depending on their usefulness he uses in creative ways, some he creates as human chemical chambers as he'll insert a bunch of chemicals that when given energy (like from a defibrillator) would cause a chain reaction and produce fear toxin or a close equivalent to it (usually these are people who are still alive somewhat), others he'll dump them in the Gotham bay or dump, places he knows people don't care about.

As crane he pretends to he jolly, he's always smiling calmly and us very kind and gentle with his patients though realistically he doesn't care about them whatsoever. Nurses think he's got an ugly boy charm about him and are friendly to him and most psychiatrists there are pretty respectful of him, no one ever questions him and his actions as compared to everyone else he's the smartest member of the team, only one to question him is arkham but he's too intimidated by him to do anything.

He's extremely cunning and violent, he often plays games both as crane and scarecrow and is often in a goofy silly mood- a serious crane/scarecrow is an absolutely scary thought ngl! He doesn't really have any friends, closest I'd say is arkham (who when finds out he's scarecrow is forced to become his assistant) and riddler, I think I've mentioned it before in the post about Quandarism but riddler does a lot of exiling and he usually give those exiles to scarecrow as he knows he'll wipe them out of existence

Also here's a list of little tidbits about him that I'm only now remembering

He was born with bad joint and muscle problems and thus is always in discomfort or pain, because he's so used to it he can't tell the difference in pain when being punched compared to his joint and muscle problems, he's pretty resilient because of it

Also because of his joint problems he has a cane, the handle is in the shape if a crow

He uses Sickles instead of a scythe

He often has trouble finding companionship or even the heart to care, when he does he doesn't know how to handle it and usually leads to death or even worse

When not being scarecrow or pretending to be dr. Crane he's just dissociating.

He doesn't have DID, I can definitely see him having it but I just don't feel comfortable writing that for him (reasons)

He doesn't care or like most things, he doesn't like animals, he's not a fan of music or movies or art, he doesn't eat a lot of food so he doesn't care. When he does like something it's extremely specific and nothing is consistent

That's a gist I think, there's a lot more about him but that's all I can really think of for him atm. I have another anon asking about my riddler that I'll get to later- hope you weren't too grossed out! Lmao!