#i just ordered like three books and ive got some on the list

[thanatoseyes]

Sherrilyn Kenyon has me in her orbit.

[amiibo-king]

Last Legacy full weighted choices list

pokes the last legacy fandom with a stick. is this thing still alive

i wanted to share smth with yall. ive been rooting around in the last legacy assets once again, and i believe i have discovered the variable that determines which choices are weighted towards an ending (and which ending they are weighted towards)

and since at this point we're probably never going to be able to find out organically (rip nix hydra) i've created a complete list of weighted choices in all three last legacy routes, and which ending they are weighted towards, in order of appearance. under the cut for spoiler and length reasons. enjoy

NOTE that this is ONLY a list of choices that contribute to the ending (good/bad ending). choices that are weighted in other ways (such as choices that affect your relationship with side characters like rime, but that don't actually affect the ending) are not included here. if y'all are curious about that, let me know, i might make another list for those later if/when i have the time.

quick note: each choice has two variables associated with it, one that determines what effect it has on the ending (good or bad) if any, and one determining the weight that choice has. the weight of each weighted choice can be light, medium, or heavy. next to each listed choice i will include both the ending it contributes towards and it's weight.

for chapters that aren't listed, i couldn't find any weighted choices in those chapters.

edit/additional notes: the endings aren't actually listed as "good/bad" in the code; the variable that denotes effect is an integer called "choiceType" which can be 0, 1, or 2. however, this is the same system the arcana uses, and in the arcana, 0 means unweighted, 1 means upright, and 2 means reversed. this on it's own wouldn't be enough for me to assume that fictif has upright/reversed endings as well, except that in some files within last legacy the options are straight up called "upright" or "reversed" (and the ones labeled upright are marked as choiceType 1 while the ones labeled reversed are marked choiceType 2.) i chose to call them good/bad endings since upright/reversed are tarot terms that only really make sense for the arcana.

Felix's route

Felix 01:

"I think it's risky." (good ending - light weight) "It's just another tool." (bad ending - light weight)

Felix 02:

"Your book sounds creepy." (good ending - light weight) "Can I see it?" (bad ending - light weight)

Felix 03

"Let's study it." (good ending - medium weight) "Make it talk." (bad ending - medium weight)

Felix 05

"You've got this. (bad ending - light weight) "We'll do this together." (good ending - light weight)

Felix 06

"We can't go with you." (bad ending - light weight) "Can we talk this out?" (good ending - light weight)

Felix 07

"I kind of like your family." (good ending - light weight) "No more family dinners, please." (bad ending - light weight)

Felix 08

"What's really bothering you?" (good ending - medium weight) "Do you like Rime more than me?" (bad ending - medium weight)

Felix 09

"I'll never leave you." (bad ending - heavy weight) "We'll figure it out later." (good ending - heavy weight)

Felix 11

"We might need Escell." (bad ending - light weight) "Violence won't help." (good ending - light weight)

Felix 12

"I get it, but..." (bad ending - light weight) "I just don't understand." (good ending - light weight)

Felix 13

"What do we do?" (bad ending - light weight) "Stay behind me." (good ending - light weight)

"If that's the only way." (bad ending - medium weight) "But they're people!" (good ending - medium weight)

Anisa's route

Anisa 01

Confront Anisa for the truth. (good ending - medium weight) Play dumb. (bad ending - medium weight)

Anisa 02

"I'll never leave you." (bad ending - medium weight) "You're not your father." (good ending - medium weight)

Anisa 03

"Are you sure, though?" (good ending - light weight) "Yeah, screw that guy." (bad ending - light weight)

"We can trust Saaros." (good ending - medium weight) "If we have to trust someone..." (bad ending - medium weight)

Anisa 04

"Believe in me." (bad ending - medium weight) "Believe in yourself." (good ending - medium weight)

Come clean. (good ending - medium weight) Hide the truth. (bad ending - medium weight)

Anisa 05

"This is our best shot." (good ending - medium weight) "I'm still worried about Orion." (bad ending - medium weight)

Anisa 06

"They're selfish." (bad ending - medium weight) "We'll talk to them." (good ending - medium weight)

"True love exists." (bad ending - medium weight) "We still have time." (good ending - medium weight)

Anisa 07

"Your father." (bad ending - light weight) "The Lord of Shadows." (good ending - light weight)

"Because she's mine." (bad ending - medium weight) "Because she's strong." (good ending - medium weight)

"We'll finish the job." (bad ending - medium weight) "We'll banish him again." (good ending - medium weight)

Sage's route

Sage 01

"That's not true." (good ending - light weight) "Fine." (bad ending - light weight)

Sage 02

"Apologize to her." (good ending - light weight) "It's not your fault." (bad ending - light weight)

Sage 03

"Let's calm down." (good ending - light weight) "You've got this!" (bad ending - light weight)

"I get it." (bad ending - medium weight) "That was reckless." (good ending - medium weight)

Sage 04

"What if the others find out?" (bad ending - light weight) "I know you can do better." (good ending - light weight)

Sage 05

Nod at him. (bad ending - light weight) Shake your head. (good ending - light weight)

Sage 06

"You're not alone." (good ending - medium weight) "I've got your back." (bad ending - medium weight)

Sage 07

"That won't happen." (bad ending - medium weight) "If I must." (good ending - medium weight)

Sage 08

"I don't either." (bad ending - medium weight) "Give Elowen a chance." (good ending - medium weight)

Sage 09

"Makes sense to me." (bad ending - light weight) "What makes you think so?" (good ending - light weight)

Sage 10

"Let him go, Sage." (good ending - heavy weight) "You did what you had to do." (bad ending - heavy weight)

Sage 12

I have to stop Gramme. (bad ending - light weight) I have to save Sage. (good ending - light weight)

Sage 13

"I'll fill you in." (bad ending - light weight) "Sage can fill you in." (good ending - light weight)

"I can't answer that for you." (good ending - heavy weight) "You won't fail." (bad ending - heavy weight)

Sage 14

"We'll win no matter what." (bad ending - medium weight) "We need a backup plan." (good ending - medium weight)

[localcryptidsteg]

Tracing, Style Theft, and the need to be Unique

A comment chain on Instagram got me thinking about these things earlier. Someone asked what common art advice is actually bad advice, and I left a short list that Ive heard, among which is "dont trace."

Naturally, this ruffled some feathers, but heres the deal: so long as you arent line-for-line copying the majority of someone elses work and passing it off as yours? Theres absolutely nothing wrong with tracing. Copying and tracing are two different things; think back to the old "how to draw" books. How they blocked out anatomy and taught you the relative distance of things with lines and joints. Tracing... is essentially doing the same thing. As a learning tool for personal use, being able to take a picture and draw the skeletal frame over it helps you with perpesctive and anatomy immensely! It even helps in stylization. Tracing develops the skills you need in order to replicate something, replication develops the skills you need in order to stylize.

Which brings us to our next issue.... style theft isnt a thing. It doesnt exist. Unless youre forging paintings and passing them off as the real deal, there is absolutely zero reason not to look at the techniques and stylization your favorite artists use and replicate that. Again, it helps you develop skills like shading and coloring and lineart. And having your own "style"? One that has to be completely different from anyone elses? Thats bullshit! Most artists dont just have ONE style. The best artists have several and go out of their way to continue learning more!

Think of it this way: we wouldnt have 2d animation if actual artists gave a flying fuck about their "style" being copied. The Renaissance artists would never have risen to prominence if their teachers hadnt sat them down and told to paint how they did. Bob Ross would never have had a tv show if mimicking how someone else creates mattered in any way at all.

The way you develop your own style is simply this: you look at your favorite artists, you analyze what elements of their work make your brain happy and what are enjoyable for you to do, you mash them all together and voila. Your very own (not really at all) "unique" style.

I think this frankly terrible and counterintuitive art advice trend is killing artists. When you go online as an artist and preach to a bunch of younger aspiring artists that invaluable tools for growth are inherently bad and wrong and theyre evil for using them, you do three things at once:

First, you make them fear creation. "I want to draw or sculpt or knit or what have you, but what if I accidentally copy someone? Then Id be a bad person!"

Second: you kill the joy of creation. They become too focused on the end result and never really learn how to make for the sake of making.

Third: you block their avenues of progress. In order to get better at your craft, you really do have to try everything. Trying to make certain techniques into something "off limits" only serves to hinder that progression. It causes stagnation which in turn causes frustration, which leads us back to issue 2.

When I was a kid, my grandma would drive two hours to my city every year for my birthday, and every year she would take me to the art museum. My grandma loved art with every fiber of her being. She was thrilled when my mom went to art school. She was estatic when my sibling and I took up drawing. But she never, EVER tried to make anything herself. See, when she was in school, her art teacher had told her she wasnt very good. And she, being a kid, believed it. And she stopped trying. She would never color with me and my sibling, would never try drawing with us when we begged her to join in. Shed chuckle and say "oh, I couldnt draw a straight line with a ruler!" And sit and watch us work and rave over how good we were at it instead.

When she hit about 80 or so, her memory started going. But she still loved the museum and she still loved art. One of my aunts talked her into taking one of those "how to paint" classes at a little studio near her house. She painted a cake. And you know what? It was a really friggin good painting! Itd be hanging in my room right now if my aunt hadnt called dibs!

My point is this: anyone of any skill level can learn to draw or paint or whatever. Im a major proponent of this; I always have been. But shaming creatives for how they do it, for how they learn it, for what they make? That destroys the drive to create, and it can last a lifetime. Who knows what my grandma could have made if not for that teacher? Who knows how many young artists felt nothing but shame and guilt over their work and quit because of bad-faith art advice?

[suffarustuffaru]

hello. im back because im on my playlist kick and found yet another older rezero playlist of mine and then fixed it up. im very normal about amnesiabaru and gluttony if (lying through my teeth) :3

anyway. this is also in narrative order from roughly the start of the amnesiabaru arc all the way to roughly the start of gluttony if. ever wanted to have a music playlist about the transition from amnesiabaru to gluttonybaru? now you got it 👍

notes under the cut.

the three songs with jp titles are called (in order of appearance on the playlist) "donut hole", "patchwork staccato", and "nonsense speaker" in english. i highly recommend reading the english translated lyrics for these (the nonsense speaker cover i used IS in english though on this playlist) if you arent a jp speaker bc theyre very good songs and i think they fit. plus ive actually seen patchwork staccato used for gluttony if animatics haah (and. you know. the Title is very. very good.)

a lot of the songs i chose have very nice references to gluttony if related things... not just in song title either haah and a lot of these song choices were me half-joking but like. ok i had a jekyll and hyde phase and im still quite fond of that story ok. i can use as many jekyll and hyde songs as i like. and i think its really funny using them for a gluttony if playlist 😭 tokyo ghoul and frankenstein songs too... THEY FIT THOUGH I PROMISE. and "people watching".... yeah subarus about to do some people watching alright. i am probably so foul for these song choices but i stand by it 😭

i used donut hole as the intro song for Reasons (see the lyrics) and also rabbit heart by florence bc. ok i know i keep using florence songs but hear me out. rabbit heart on this playlist represents amnesiabaru popping into existence and being happy with being isekaied (he is about to get his shit rocked)

anyway other important songs include:

world has gone insane: ngl this song slaps so hard i dont care what anyone else says. it changed my brain chemistry hearing it years ago. its very good. i highly recommend this song over all other songs on this list. and also this song in this playlist marks amnesiabaru officially dying and getting his shit rocked <3 the world HAS gone insane!!

papers: continuation of amnesiabaru getting his shit rocked.

class of 2013: i. i think its very clear why this song is here once you listen to it 😭

lifeboat: subaru gets more paranoid 👍

empty pages: books.

a sadness runs through him + i need to know: the official transition into gluttony if....

one of us + nonsense speaker: they are the finale songs to show the sad sad tragedy that is gluttony if 👍

i have very in depth thoughts on gluttony if but ive spent all my brain cells writing selfcest fic and making this music playlist LMAO but yes this playlist reveals some more of my interpretations on gluttony if. maybe one day i will actually make analysis posts on it.

anyway if you read all this thank you for indulging me!!!! :o

[tjswritingstuff]

March has ended!

It was a pretty good month.

While most of the writing I did was for class my total word count for the month was 11080 words.  

I finished reading three books this month:

George Orwell’s Animal Farm

Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaids Tale

Toni Morrison’s Beloved

Two of the books that I finished were for class. I’m currently reading five other books; my current reading list has never grown this fast in my life. I started paying attention to the days read counter on my kindle app. I read (in the app) 18 out of 31 days.

I only went to the gym 3 times this month, I had a surgery on March 12th, and it limits what I’m allowed to lift. While that doesn’t affect everything that I could be doing at the gym I know myself well enough to know that I would break the rules just a little and end up hurting myself.

I did end up in the hospital. After my surgery I was prescribed Hydrocodone and Acetaminophen. Turns out that I am allergic to Hydro’s. The general response to that discovery has been, “have you really never taken them before?” I did. About 20 years ago…and I ended up in the hospital then. About 20 years ago I was bitten by a brown recluse spider and had a nasty spot come up on my arm, my doctor prescribed me some pain killer I took it according to orders and ended up passing out. My ex-husband took me to the hospital, where they immediately acted like I had overdosed and wasn’t taking it correctly. When I insisted that I was they did some blood work and then told me that my potassium levels had completely bottomed out. I believed for many years that was the reason that I had ended up in the hospital. The hospital put into my chart that I’m allergic to hydrocodone. But they didn’t TELL me that. Since all my doctors that would prescribe painkillers are linked in the same hospital network, they all have access to that information. No one ever prescribed me it, and I honestly don’t like taking stuff anyway. If Tylenol works just fine, why take anything stronger?

I went to get an augmentation surgery through a doctor that is not linked to that network. He asked about allergies. I didn’t know of any. My pain meds were prescribed 2 every 6 hours for pain. I was taking 1 every 8-ish hours depending on how I felt. My liver started shutting down. I discovered this after about a week when I woke up throwing up. I was bloated. At my post op checkup, I was told that swelling is a normal side effect of the surgery. Did you know that swelling is a side effect of liver failure? I do now.  My kid’s dad found me half conscious on the bathroom floor and when I tried to stand up, I was shaking too much to walk.

Guess who got to spend a night in the Emergency Room hooked to an IV. I guess the good news is it happened during spring break, so I didn’t have to worry about getting homework done.   

My lowest grade is an 82%. While I am a little disappointed with myself for not hitting Straight A’s this semester, I’m not going to complain too much. Currently my grades are:

Astronomy – 87.86

Astronomy Lab – 87.65

Creative Writing – 96.84

Transatlantic Lit ’45- Present – 82.81

History of American Peoples – 87.32

World Lit Beginnings – 650 CE – 94.14

My goals for April are:

Write 15,000 Words

Read 5 Books

Maintain Grades

Gym 2x’s Week (when I’m cleared to go back)

Draw more.

I feel like my life is moving in the right direction, I have some things that I still need to work out, but I feel like I’m starting to figure things out.

[kraefishh]

nintento direct thoughts

yeah so hi i deliberately stayed up until 7am on a work night in order to watch this and do not regret a thing.

-> splat3 dlc looks cool!! will i play it? no. does it look cool as hell? yeah!!! I personally don't like splat3's actual single player campaign so unless im able to access the dlc without finishing the main campaign then... im not playing it lmao. it looks cool as fuck though!! i like whatever the hell they had going on with the glitchy taz hunger looking goop that produced skeleton fish. pearl + marina lore is also a win in my book -> i dont actually have all that many thoughts about the smrpg showcase but MAN it looks cool as hell. at first i didnt like the revamped graphics but now theyre growing on me.... plus the trio attacks??? HELL YEA! i hope the remake will make me actually finish the game this time around instead of start it twice in the past three years and then quit within the first few areas (<- i say as if this isnt a normal problem i have regardless. thanks, its the adhd)

-> SaGa Emerald Beyond actually looks interesting?? like I know nothing about that game series but the character designs look very cool and i like the concept of a multiple outcome story based entirely on which character you play. do i think i'd actually play this game? no, probably not. looks cool tho

-> despite me being The pokemon nerd i have nothing to say about the new detective pikachu game. i dont like the voice they gave pikachu imo. i think thats just cause im spoiled on movie detective pikachu being ryan reynolds... i joke i kid. kinda. also i never like. actually played any detective pikachu games so i got nothing

-> WAS NOT EXPECTING A TROMBONE CHAMP PORT, TO BE QUITE HONEST

-> cool that were getting a new wario-ware!! not sure how i feel about like the.... forms? is that what theyre called?? w/e regardless im not sure how i feel about em. but its a wario-ware game so its bound to be weird but like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-> FUNKY KONG DIDDY KONG PAULINE RELEASE FOR MARIO KART WAS NOT ON MY LIST. SO SO HAPPY THOUGH. peachette is whatever. no idea where she came from

-> gotta say i completely forgot among us was on switch so seeing the crewmates i was like "are they making a fucking spin-off game for switch?" no. i just forgot. the fungle is a funny name though i appreciate it

AND THEN

THE LAST THING I WAS EXPECTING

A PAPER MARIO THOUSAND YEAR DOOR REMASTER.

I was laying there in bed at 7:40am and was like. oh cool one last thing before its over. its probably gonna be just another title release of something or a sneak peek on some dlc.

and then i hear the music.

THAT NOSTALGIC MUSIC THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IM SEVEN YEARS OLD AGAIN

-> yeah anyway so i screamed "WHAT!?" at the (metaphorical) top of my lungs (because it was 7:40am and people were sleeping). ttyd getting a remaster is so so cool. and now that i know its possibly getting a re translation that makes me even more happy. give us trans vivian....... i also just think its very funny that ive been playing ttyd on twitch for the past. year now? (ive taken a shit ton of breaks) and theyre making a remaster?? now? not complaining im having a blast playing it with my cohost but HHADGHGAKDFJ

-> i'm mostly just excited for the remaster cause it'll hopefully bring traction back to the paper mario series. idk about like the general consensus of the fandom but like. the paper mario series has been needing a pick me up for a HOT MINUTE.

-> no i am not going to play the remaster of ttyd for stream. maybe on my own time. we'll see. i dont see the point of finishing the og only to then, like a year later, play the remaster. especially when i have a TON of games backlogged on my list since i only stream once a week. more often than not, not even that. i am planning on doing rpg tho

[tj-dragonblade]

Tea and Books Asks

Tagged in by @littledreamling , @mathomhouse-e , and @quillingwords thank you!

1. What period of history do you enjoy learning about?

As long as it's not the fucking founding of America and drafting of the constitution, again, we're golden

2. Who is your favourite fictional character and why?

Of all time? Impossible. Current fandom specifically? ...uh. Kind of also impossible. But I think if pressed Hob might just barely edge out Dream in the standings. Because? Because...his vibes? Immortal Everyman who's not all woe-is-me this-life-is-misery is a delight and idk he's just got that je ne sais quoi that makes me smile and say 'That one, that's my favorite'?

3. What do you order at a café?

It's a rare occurrence but. Some sort of coffee, extra sweet, extra whichever flavor added. Caramel and pumpkin spice are both excellent

4. Libraries, botanical gardens, or art galleries?

Of the three, I've only ever been to libraries, so, that

5. Do you have a favourite film soundtrack?

Beauty and the Beast 1991 probably. The score tracks on that just. Do things to me. Fond of a lot of Hans Zimmer's work as well (Lion King, PotC off the top of my head) and I keep circling back around to the Robin Hood Prince of Thieves soundtrack every few years

6. What does your dream home look like?

Underwater. With bits above water too, maybe half and half, but the important things I've always wanted are submarine airlock entryways and enormous windows with an underwater view. Not too far from civilization either

7. What makes you feel better on gloomy days?

Long solo drives with good music played loud

8. What are your top three films? Books?

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home; The Princess Bride; Beauty and the Beast

I've read fanfic almost exclusively the past twenty years but, let me think...I was very taken with the Shannara series by Terry Brooks in high school; I spent some time on the Vampire Chronicles after that and The Vampire Armand was my favorite (because Armand was my favorite more than because it was actually a good book)

9. Are you an organized person, generally?

...Ish. I dislike clutter and mess, but I wouldn't really classify myself as 'organized' by any standard measure of the word

10. Do you have a favourite classic novel?

...I am extremely fond of Alice in Wonderland and Wizard of Oz both but more for their permutation into pop culture and malleability therein than for their actual books specifically

11. What character archetype or trope is your favourite?

I have a laundry list, and they're generally best when multiple tropes are blended in one character. But maybe...let's go with The Foreigner, The Outsider, the one who often holds up a lens to humanity or whatever majority/default group is involved to offer commentary, try to understand, and who is perpetually Apart from them, usually unable (or unwilling) to quite blend in or assimilate completely even when they may be welcomed and accepted.

12. Do you prefer baking or cooking?

...give me a relatively simple recipe with clear instructions and I'll probably be okay, in either arena

13. Which season do you feel at home in?

In my current climate? Summer. Summer means I can get out and go places and do things. I love autumn in theory but in practice it's far too short, far too cold too quickly, and just a very depressing reminder of the half-a-year of winter that will follow

14. What is your opinion on poetry?

It should absolutely exist, integral facet of humanity, etc. Not really anything I actively seek out, however

15. Do you speak formally when texting and emailing?

Emails are nearly always business related whether home or work, so yes. Texts are not exactly formal but it's rare that I'd ever fail to capitalize, use copious abbreviations, etc. Punctuation droppage depends entirely on who I'm talking to and whether I need the clarity punctuation can provide

16. How do you organize your music playlists?

Haaaaaah. Let me count the ways:

- by artist, when I want The Good Tracks from their discography (and related projects) in chronological order

- by genre

- by pairing - many pairs have multiple permutations of their playlist also

- by character

- by character group

- by theme (e.g. Moon, Aquatic, etc)

- by mood

- by fic inspiration/writing soundtrack

- I have playlists for Disney movies where I put the songs and score pieces back in movie order since the soundtracks always group them separately and I also leave out the shitty radio versions of the songs

- I also have a playlist with all my individual Disney playlists combined in chronological order by movie release date

- by vibes

- by which family member I'm driving with

- I have a playlist for stuff that's in (or contains sections that are in) 3/4, 6/8, and various other non-4/4 time signatures

- I have a couple different playlists of favorite voices

- there's a giant playlist where I dump all the stuff I've rated 4 or 5 stars (some 3s may also get included), sorted by play count, for when I don't know quite what I'm really in the mood to listen to

- aaaaaaand then I usually have two or three playlists in constant flux for whatever I'm really craving to listen to at this particular point in time

17. Who is your favourite author?

Can't say as I have one

18. Chai or hot chocolate?

Chai

19. Do you prefer forests, sea shores, or meadows?

Sea shore, hands down

20. If you were to cultivate a fruit orchard, what would you grow?

Everything I would name I have developed allergies to so. Maybe not. Kinda sucks.

[daenystheedreamer]

do you have any book recs?

im gonna sound like a normie or a heathen but my tastes in books is extremely lame 😭 my favourite books are all huge classics. i fucking love pride and prejudice im so boring 😭 i read the fucking godfather and thought it was fine like THAT is how boring my tastes are

i LOVE catch 22 if you havent read it i HIGHLY recommend it. its really funny and i♡yossarion. about american pilots during ww2 but its a military/war/america/etc satire. really funny!!!

HER BODY AND OTHER PARTIES BY CARMEN MARIA MACHADO... omg my most favourite recently published read. BEAUTIFUL collection of short stories. feminist queer etcetc, i love the quiet body horror so to speak? it felt like it read my mind...

an invitation from a crab by panpanya amazing manga/short story collection. after reading it i had to lay back and just stare into the nothingness. again it felt like it read my mind

kurosagi corpse delivery service episodic body horror/horror comedy detective mystery manga. its about a group of college students of a buddhist university who all have various odd ESP powers who try to help corpses lay in rest/peace. great ensemble cast and the dark horse official english translation is AMAZING especially if you are a huge nerd who likes reading footnotes

gay manga: my lesbian experience with loneliness and our dreams at dusk. the latter is a beautiful exploration of queer people, a very kind and sweet work (though check for trigger warnings). the former is a really raw memoir by a lesbian author. its beautiful and its relatable and its horrible and vulnerable. love it<3

junji ito in general great horror mangaka.

ive got more manga reccs but i think i did too many already and idk if they count as books im sorry for answering your ask bad 😭 anyway some more of my lame taste in books below the cut

favourite books no order off the top of my head and my goodreads: catch-22 (love you bisexual slut legend yossarion), contact by carl sagan, i robot by isaac asimov, alias grace + the handmaid's tale by margaret atwood. i love a clockwork orange (LOVE nadsat). i like maurice (em forster), a thousand splendid suns (khaled hosseini). also fingersmith and like water for chocolate. i liked carmilla but its honestly kinda mid 😭

love the hunger games uhhhh. love asoiaf obvi. i tried the first of the witcher novels (the short story collection) but they were too sexist for me and geralt was an annoying centrist. i was like but the elves are literally being oppressed God forbid they fight back. God Forbid renfri fight back against men! i liked jaskier though :) jesus christ thats a tangent

i actually like a lot of non fiction. jeanette mccurdy's recent memoir is a great read, as if ben mcintyre's operation mincemeat. i read ben raines' clotilda, about the last slave ship to smuggle captive africans to the USA. all three are interesting reads

finally karl marx's communist manifesto :) not a joke. very quick pamphlet. one day i will read lenin's imperialism i stg. my goodreads to read list is huge...

[iantimony]

tuezdai

i was thinking about crossposting this to dreamwidth and THEN i remembered that ive been looking for an excuse to make. a neocities website. so. :3 i am going to make a neocities page for weekly roundup hehe

relatedly look at this bizarre captcha i got when i went to make an account. like. any of these fools could be robots.

listening: not a lot of music this week but ive been listening to rangedtouch's just king things podcast! i'm listening in order from the beginning and im at about halfway through ep 8 (the dead zone). i really enjoyed their homestuck reread podcast so when that finished i was like. well. i want to listen to these clowns (appreciative) hang out more. time to peruse their back catalog. and ive been enjoying it so far! i wouldn't call myself a huge king-head, i've read carrie, salem's lot, the shining...pet sematary? cujo? a few other misc king stories. there's a short story about a cat that crawls its way down someone's throat i think was stephen king and that one lives in my head rent-free. so definitely a lot of books ive never even heard of in here, and i definitely haven't read the Big King books (the stand and dark tower, mainly) but it doesn't matter too much for podcasting :)

sidebar, i told my roommate about the podcast and she misunderstood the premise and thought it was like. audiobook style. like they were reading the books out loud. i was like babe the stand episode is less than 4 hours long. do you think it's on like 10x speed. lololol

music-wise, @delta-orionis has some DELICIOUS synthwave playlists that ive been working out and studying to. it's like 40 hours long. go nuts

reading: i went to the library with the intention of wandering the nonfiction section until i found something that looked fun but they're remodeling soon so a ton of the stacks aren't open for wandering rn...i can reserve stuff and pick it up but they're not accessible to the public :( the fiction section is though so i grabbed "the birthday of the world", a short story collection by ursula le guin! i thought short stories would be nice because of my lack of time to properly get engaged in a Book and i was right, it rules. i read the first three or so last weekend when i took myself to brunch at a new tea place on main street (3/5 for the brunch, the restaurant is brand new so there are definitely some things that went wrong - food took forever to come out, i was frequently forgotten, after i was seated i waited for like 10 minutes to be noticed by waitstaff, when i finally got my food the rice was crunchy, etc. i would go back to eat there but not any time soon, maybe in a few months after theyve been open for a while. the tea RULED though. their gimmick is like...travel? airplane? so all the staff introduce themselves as flight attendants, and their rewards card is formatted like a passport book where once you get a row of stamps for a certain continent you get a free tea, and once you fill out the whole book you get another free tea........it's so cute.......) actually now im not sure if it's the location the tea came from or the Type of tea? because that top column goes from japan to england which is not exactly a Region. eurasia????? idfk. still cute

anyways. the short stories. i read the first three ("Coming of Age in Karhide", "The Matter of Seggri", and "Unchosen Love") and really enjoyed them! i never finished Left Hand of Darkness (i will return to her one day i promise) but it definitely wasn't required reading even though the first story was set on that same planet. the next story is "Mountain Ways" which is actually available online for those interested :)

watching: more evangelion, and my roommate put on "cunk on earth" for me and it rules it's so funny. obsessed with her.

making: embroidery progress! about halfway done filling in the headphone cord.

as a self reminder, the task list for finishing this is:

fill in headphone cord

words along the side

fill stitch for hair

color in eyes

add misc hair flyaways

misc: quantum midterm thursday......it's open note so im not as frantic as last semester's exams but still. ah. ahhhh. :(

[longbobmckenzie]

9 favourite movies

Thanks for the tag, @banirareiko! I'm a little late in doing this for various reasons, not least of which being that I'm not a huge movie-watcher and I also don't have a lot of favourites, so the thought of coming up with NINE of them was incredibly intimidating. In the end, I cheated, but not as much as I thought I would.

There are some movies I've really enjoyed but have only seen them once, so I didn't want to put them in a favourites list even if I might actually like them better than some of these. *shrugs* I don't watch a lot of movies, let alone re-watch them. I've probably forgotten a bunch as well.

In no particular order:

The Italian Job - a fun movie that I've seen many times and could definitely watch many times again

Pride and Prejudice - it's a miniseries rather than a movie, but I've watched the whole 5 hours of it in a single sitting on multiple occasions, so I think it counts (also I would've included Emma and Sense and Sensibility on this list as well but didn't want to push it with all the miniseries)

The Abduction Club - absolute cheesefest. it's hilarious and makes for a good comfort movie

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. - this one got done so dirty at the box office, we were robbed of a sequel. it had me hooked from the trailer alone. if you like spy movies that don't take themselves seriously, give this one a shot

Little Women - a classic from my childhood, this is one of my favourite versions. I wasn't a fan of the new version at all; this one meets the mark on pretty much every level

Star Wars Episode IV - this is where I'm cheating again; I like the whole original trilogy and don't have a favourite of the three, but of course I'll never watch the latter two without watching this one first

The Three Musketeers - I'm not sure I'd really classify this as a favourite nowadays, but I loved it growing up and it's definitely one that I'd be willing to watch again

Ocean's Eleven - it's just another one of those movies that doesn't really get old no matter how many times you watch it

The Outsiders - I'm including this more for the book than the movie itself, but I'm still counting it. Also I kinda copied the opening lines of the book for one of my fics, so I think I have to include it

I'll tag @effortandmore, @eskiix, and @itsashleighh, if you want!

[reverais]

-

listen i didn’t know that tumblr had a tag limit and the whole bunch of my stream-of-consciousness-public-journal-entry is missing so im rewriting everything bc, of all the times, this is not one i want to forget

listen my queue is about to end and im about to drop some very emotionally-driven language formulations. the hell is language formulation even. i just dont know how to put any of this into words

tbh i feel like i havent really come to terms with everything

your girl just went through an unfortunately loss and went back to home for it. and philippines has some funeral customs i still cant wrap my mind around. tbh i feel like i haven’t mourned at all here. most grief ive experienced was from the three days it took to plan getting here

and im already anticipating the most grueling “return to normal” when i get back to canada

like i go back to work literally the day after i land (thank god its wfh tho). but i want to wail. i want to be unable to breathe bc i cried it all out. not just the loss. but the missing of home, the missing of family. again.

god i hate it. i always know its going to be like this whenever i leave home. but it just never seems to get easier. like i cried into my eye mask two days ago. we shouldve gotten drunk. thats why i didn’t cry yesterday. i was kinda elated even. i was like i should go home tomorrow (today) bc the night ended so well. not that tonight didn’t end well. but theres just a certain feeling looming. and i just want to cry it all out already. like rip the bandaid. but not here. not in front of everyone. especially not in front of ma. who also seems to be trying to choke things down.

no time ever feels enough but there’s always that thought of i need to make money, things are waiting for me. and tbh my lifestyle and comfort just isn’t for here no more. but anywhere the family is, i’ll go. no matter the mosquito and ant bites.

not to make this anymore complicated but church, man. i already know there’s something waiting for me there. and i don’t want to hear a second of it. i dont even think i can bring myself to be around people i can genuinely be myself with much less the ones who just orders and tells me what to do. that one is hard to explain as is. but ig thats just another bandaid to rip off when i finally have the guts to

“funny” things is that im this close to cursing god. after how i took in technoblades passing, he really thought to send another one my way. thats just cruel now

theyre all talking about me coming back next year december. and december is the known preferred time now bc not only is there more to do but the weather is nicer. more expensive but a more worthwhile trip. plus i have a list of what to bring back now. chocolates obv, the halloween sales ones esp. water bottles seem to be a current trend but still useful even out of trend anyway. ill try to find books for a particular cousin. and maybe speakers bc they love the bluetooth one. oreas and pringles and candies overall which are honestly cheaper here but whatever they want. the kids love toys still - i haven’t seen that kind of exciting in forever and i want to see it again. these kids got me running around and sweating. dont got their stamina and endurance for heat and itchy grass

all in all i think money goes the furthest here (as is anywhere). ill just buy experiences. ig thats movitation to stay in the deadend job for now. and to commit to pursuing something hopefully better for my future.

its late tho, i need to wake up early. good night.

[howaboutleeches]

Ive never sent an ask before so im not sure if it will work but how about the Arcana main 6 with a seamstress Mc :)

How would the Main Six React to a seamstress MC!

Asra:

🔮 Asra could go hours and hours just watching you sewing, putting pieces together, and working on your machine. He found it mesmerizing how skilled you were, his eyes focused on every hand movement of yours.

🔮 The sound of your machine calmed him down, and he could fall asleep on a couch next to your working space, the one he had prepared specially for you and your craft. Enough lightening to make your job easier, any materials you may need and a comfortable chair to keep you comfortable.

🔮 Once you started working, Faust paid attention to you as well. She would slither up your desk or your back and watch closely, her big eyes shining as she watched you working. "Friend, work hard!"

🔮 Asra didn't want to ask for it, but if you made something for him, he would keep it around him all the time. Wearing, wrapping around his neck, around his waist, he wouldn't let it go.

🔮 Even better if you made something for Faust as well. Maybe something matching for the three of you? It would definitely put a smile on his face and make Faust's tail wiggle in excitement.

Nadia:

👑 No matter how she came to know about your skill, either you telling her or she figuring it out on her own, she became very excited about it. "I've always admired seamstresses! I tried sewing once but I just didn't have enough skill to seek it further", she would say as she grabbed your hands, caressing them as if trying to feel the power coming from them.

👑 Not even a week later, she grabbed you by the arm and led you across the halls of the palace, until she stopped in front of a room, a bright smile on her face. She opened the door to reveal a room filled with fabrics, sewing machines, mannequins, and many other items that made your heart skip a bit.

👑 That was her way of showing how much she appreciated your work. Contributing with her money to help you have the best environment (and products) to pursue your sewing career.

👑 She would ask you to make her outfits and brag to other royals and her own family about how good you were. It didn't take long for you to start receiving requests from other kingdoms and from her relatives as well.

👑 She just wants to see you happy, and knowing she helped you with it also fills up her sense of pride. Don't get me wrong, she didn't do it so she could brag about it, but she likes to know her help took part in your happiness.

Julian:

♠️ When he came to know about what you did, he was beyond thrilled. He started to bombard you with the most various questions regarding your profession, how long you have been doing that, who taught you, and what kind of things you could make.

♠️ Although he felt a little embarrassed to ask for it, he would gather enough courage to do some stuff for him, if you wanted to and had the time, of course. Custom eyepatches would be his top request.

♠️ Eventually, he also started asking for costume capes. He got so excited when you would walk into the room waving a brand new cape, almost like a child receiving a Christmas gift.

♠️ He would often bring you books about sewing, and beautiful fabrics he bought with a discount, calling it his "contribution". The thing is, he felt guilty for asking you to do eyepatches and capes for him, but he felt so good wearing something you made, he couldn't help it!

♠️ Whenever your machine would have any sort of issue, he would rush to your aid and try to fix the situation, even if you knew how to do it yourself. He just loved being useful and getting a kiss on the cheek as a reward for his good deeds.

Muriel:

🌿 He and Inanna were curious regarding your machine. When it started to make noises, Inanna growled a little at it, but seeing it was harmless, she decided to approach and sniff. Soon, she started to enjoy the noises.

🌿 Muriel on the other hand had a frown on his face, saying he didn't like it. He actually didn't have anything against the machine itself, but he started feeling jealous of it. You spent so much time working on it, he felt left out.

🌿 You ended up noticing that and decided to set up a corner next to your working table where he could rest close to you and the fireplace as well. After that, his complaints stropped.

🌿 He sometimes went out to gather some flowers he found in the forest, hoping you could use them when sewing. He always tried to get the brightest and best smelling ones, saying they would look good on you.

🌿 If you made something for Inanna, he would think about proposing to you on the spot. Inanna has been his companion for a long time, and if you cared about her enough to do something nice for her out of genuine kindness, he would know you're the right one.

Portia:

🐈 After finding out about you being a seamstress, she bothered Mazelinka for days so she could give her an old sewing machine she had in her house and other sewing materials that were buried deep into her house. Even if they were there for a long time, they were still very good quality.

🐈 She loved to watch you sewing, finding the sound of the machine extremely relaxing. She also pulled Pepi into her lap to watch you, which she did with wide eyes, following every movement of your hand with her gaze.

🐈 Portia one day asked if you could make something for Pepi, which you agreed to. As a surprise, you made matching sweaters for Pepi and Portia, which made her tear up in joy.

🐈She always bragged about your work to Nadia, saying you were, without a doubt, the best seamstress in the entire city of Vesuvia, the whole world even! She was extremely proud of you and wasn't afraid to show it to anyone.

Lucio:

🐐At first, he tried to convince you to pursue another career path. He said you were royalty now, and royalty didn't have to sew, they had other people to do that for them. It slightly annoyed him that you were doing something that someone else could take off your shoulders.

🐐As he watched you work though, his opinion started to slowly change. He saw the effort and love you put into it, and the beautiful pieces you created. He slowly started to fall in love with it.

🐐He secretly ordered a sewing machine for himself, thinking that it should be easy to sew. Then, he would show you his final work and you would awe and praise him. At least that was his plan, but after twenty minutes of trying to get the machine to work, he gave up.

🐐 He swallowed his pride, something he has only done three times in his life (he kept count of it), and went to you, asking you to teach him how to sew. The smile on his face when he made a scarf was priceless. He paraded it around the castle, making sure that everyone knew he had done it himself. And that you, his amazing and talented partner, had taught him how.

-----------------------------------------------

Well, I've been absent for a good while now, I'm not even sure no one reads my stuff anymore, but if someone still does, here ya go! I hope you enjoy this (◠‿◠✿)

I plan on being more active, maybe posting once a week.

tag list

@the-chaos-siblings @angelyuji @diamondlight301 @antipositiva @alliespec @euphorically-bisexual @v--o-i--d @llavender-tae @iarychachy @sonofahell @sluttiestestablishment @esdtvbjikmkkjbvvh @mycomancer @spinehoarder @blackrose8425 @prettyorangepineapple @anjhope1 @updatedautopsyrep0rt

If you want to be added to the tag list, go interact on my pinned post so I can know  😉 💖

[alrightberries]

dante’s inferno

request: wassup homie could you maybe write a college au fic where levi and reader are rommies, then one day reader brings home an adopted cat without levi's prior knowledge? You could decide what happens next lol. Tysm 🥺

❈ pairing: levi ackerman x reader

❈ genre: fluff, semi-crack ❈ word count: 4k

❈ summary: college au. in which you bring a stray cat to your dorm and your neat freak roommate won’t let you keep it.

alternatively: a compilation of college shenanigans where you and levi are best friends who are bad with feelings (ft. an unamused cat named dante)

❈ trigger warnings: profanity. mentions of alcohol and smoking. implied smut.

a/n: this was supposed to be loosely based on the nine circles of hell according to inferno by dante alighieri— hence the title— but i did my research wrong so now it’s loosely based on the seven terraces of purgatory according to divine comedy. i’m keeping the title tho.

Inspired by this art by @ryuichirou on tumblr.

Permission to repost art was granted by the artist. Do not repost/edit the art without explicit permission from the artist.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

i. first terrace: pride

“We’re not keeping it.”

“But why?”

“We’re not keeping it.”

“But why.”

Levi’s tongue clicks in annoyance. His eyes glance next you where the offending creature lay on your bed; tail curling, paws kneading at his your favorite fleece blanket. Quite frankly he’s a little offended when the little shit has the audacity to glare at him back.

He’ll never admit it, but his ego’s a bit bruised because the cat’s glare was slightly better than his.

“I said no,” he firmly replies, looking back to you. “It’s bad enough I have to share a room with an anarchist who has no respect for boundaries—“

“One time, I forgot to use a coaster that one time!”

“—and now you expect me to share a room with a dirty fur ball who does nothing but eat, shit, and sleep?”

“He’s a cat, Levi.” You murmur, scooping the cat into your arms. “And he has a name,” you give a nervous smile when you see your rommate grit his teeth. He feels a headache coming.

“You named it?”

“Dante is not an ‘it’.”

Levi makes a move to step closer but immediately stops when the ‘Dante’ hisses at him.

“Aw, he likes you.” You coo.

“Clearly,” he replies unenthusiastically. “Listen,” he sighs. “I respect your cat’s pronouns but that doesn’t mean he’s allowed to stay. Or do I need to remind you of the mac and cheese incident?”

Okay, maybe he was on to something. If you got caught with a pet in the dorms you’d breach your third and final warning, and you’d be forced to dorm off-campus. The fact that you were still here after the mac and cheese incident was solely because Levi pulled some strings (aka asked Erwin, golden boy of the campus who owed him a favor, to pull some strings).

But you couldn’t just let Dante go. There was something about him that felt so familiar; something about his black fur, thin silver eyes, unamused snarl, and overall grumpy demeanor. Especially endearing was the way he’d grumble and pretend to be annoyed whenever you tried to cuddle him but would complain if you stopped.

You just couldn’t figure out who or what he reminded you of.

Maybe you would’ve figured it out too if you weren’t so distracted with watching Levi and Dante stare at each other. Your eyes dart back and forth between the grouchy cat sitting on your bed and your grouchy roommate sitting on his desk. Both were slightly crouched over with their heads tilted up in a show of dominance; they were engaged in what seemed to be a glaring contest, gunmetal irises unamused and mouths taut in a snarl as they protected their territory.

You sigh. You really, for the life of you, couldn’t figure out why Dante felt so familiar.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

ii. second terrace: envy

Levi is not jealous. He’s not.

At least that’s what he tells himself as he sulks alone on his bed. His arms are crossed and his lips are in a pout, eyebrows knitted in distaste, occasionally glancing to your side of the room where you sat up on your bed. He’s sure whatever movie you chose to watch together is interesting and all, but right now all he could pay attention to was that stupid cat. Sitting on your stupid lap. Getting its fur stroked by your stupid hand. Getting all the love and affection his stupid self should be receiving.

It was him you should be cuddling, not Dante. Saturday nights were reserved for him and you, not you and a cat while he happened to be in the room. He’s been trying to make a move on you since high school and he can’t fucking believe he’s losing your attention to a cat. Sure, he’s always been too chicken to make a move and had to suffer seeing you get together with assholes— as per your type during your emo high school days— but this was a new low. He can’t wrap his head around the concept that he’s losing his longterm crush to a motherfucking cat.

When you coo at how adorable the fleabag was for what felt like the 50th time that night, Levi decides he’s had enough of the cuddle-hogging piece of shit.

Wordlessly, he crosses to your side of the room and lifts the cat from its perch, ignoring your protests as he sets it down on the floor and tells it to ‘scram, you little fuck.’ He uses a hand to dust your lap free of any microscopic cat particles Dante probably left behind before lying down his head down once he was satisfied. He grabs your hand to put it on his hair.

“Stroke.” He orders, eyes closing.

“What? No! You pushed off Dante.”

“He was in my spot.”

“You couldn’t have given up your lap pillow for one night?”

“One night?” He scoffs and turns to look at you. “You’ve been abandoning me for two weeks. That disgusting, tic-infested, rabies-carrying slob has no business sitting on your lap.”

“He’s not disgusting, you gave him a shower before you agreed to let me keep him. And I took him the vet to make sure he had all his shots. He’s clean, Levi.”

“Tch, good. Now throw him out and let him find someone else to freeload from.”

“Okay, what’s going on?” You guffaw. “You’ve been grumpier than usual. And why’re you being such an ass to Dante? He’s just a cat.”

“Don’t think he’s special in some way. I’m an ass to everyone.”

“Then why does it feel like you’re always extra mean to him?”

He doesn’t reply. His lips are downturned into a frown when he looks away with a click of his tongue, and you realize with a sigh you won’t be getting an answer from your cryptic roommate soon. Your fingers start mindlessly stroking his undercut when you get lost in your thoughts— a habit you developed through years of Levi using your lap as a pillow. He always complained the first few times you did it but you knew it calmed both him and you, and that it put both your minds at ease. Moreso Levi right now, apparently.

You’re keenly aware of how he seems to curl up into you the more you keep going. You watch as his shoulders slump down when you stroke the side of his face, and his eyebrows relax slightly. From your angle, you could even see the way his eyes close in content. Maybe even a tiny smile if you were being delusional.

Your lip twitches upward.

“Oh my god, Levi, are you jealous of a cat?”

“Shut up and play with my hair.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

iii. third terrace: wrath

“You owe me a new cravat.”

You blink up at your roommate. “What?”

“You owe me a new cravat.” He repeats. He pulls from his pocket a white piece of fabric— barely recognizable— torn into shreds, releases it mid-air. It gently lands on your open palm.

“Wait, did Dante do this?” You ask, eyeing the slik in your hands.

“Unless you went feral in the middle of the fucking night and decided to cut up my clothes, yes.”

“Oh my god, Levi, I’m so sorry. I swear Dante will never—“

“You actually owe me three cravats,” he interjects. “The first two I overlooked since they weren’t that expensive but I draw the line here.” His lips are downturned into a frown, eyes poorly concealing his clear distaste. “This one’s my favorite and it was made from silk.”

You eye the fabric in your hands once more before nodding in understanding, setting down the once beautiful cravat before taking out your wallet. It was only fair that you paid him back; he was being more than generous with letting your cat stay and keeping it a secret, and now you wonder how many bad things Dante’s done that Levi’s overlooked or simply never brought up with you.

“Sure, I’m really sorry. How much do I owe you?”

Levi doesn’t say anything. Instead he pulls out his phone and types something on what you could only assume was google, most likely looking for the same brand of the cravat your cat had just torn into shreds. You weren’t entirely sure how much those could cost, but surely you could afford—

“What the fuck!” You screech, eyeing the page with very, very hefty price tags listed. Holy fucking hell where did he even get the money to buy something so expensive. Gulping, you nervously look up at your unimpressed roommate. You already knew he was taking it easy on you; his aura was the only thing intimidating, at least he wasn’t giving you the murder eyes. And even though he was a man of his word, you were thankful he hasn’t reported Dante.

Still, it didn’t change the fact that Levi looked pissed beyond belief.

“Uhm... can I pay you with a check that’ll definitely bounce?”

“You will pay me in cash.”

“Fuck, fine!”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

iv. fourth terrace: sloth

Levi silently works on his desk. His laptop’s open in fromt of him, numerous notes from classes and books from the library surrounding him. The gentle sounds of clicking and clacking echoe throughout the room as fingers typed at the keyboard, eyes concentrated and lips pulled taught as he focuses on his task. He’s on a roll. He’s almost done with this part of his research, nothing could snap him out of this, he just needs to—

“Levi, when do you think Dante will come back to me?”

He stops typing and grits his teeth.

This is how it’s been the entire night. Ten minutes of peace before you ask him some stupid questions that could’ve been answered with common sense.

“Fuck if I care.”

“Do you think it was something I did?”

He resumes typing. “Yes.”

“Do you think he’ll come back?”

“No.”

“Even after all we’ve been through?”

“Still no.”

“I miss him,” you sigh. “I miss him so much.”

“Then you shouldn’t have left the door open.”

It’s been a week since Dante escaped the dorm and Levi doesn’t understand why you’re still so depressed about it. I mean, you only lost a cat that you loved and treasured and treated like family. Surely a week of moping around in your pajamas and eating nothing but chips and soda was catharsis enough.

He hears you shift in your burrito blanket, presumably to turn away from him so you can sulk into the wall next to your bed. Good. Now he can get back to working on—

“Levi do you think Dante-“

“Enough.” He grits, slamming his laptop shut.

“Where’re you going?” You ask, eyeing the way he hurriedly stuffs papers and books into his bag along with his laptop.

“Out.” He replies, grabbing his keys and his coat. “I can’t stand this shit anymore.”

Your head is burried in your blankets when he slams the door shut and all you could do was slump down because great. You lost Dante, and now you’ve royally pissed off Levi.

Great. Just fucking great.

Unlike your cat, however, your roommate comes back hours later, just before curfew. He doesn’t bother with a hello— he never does— and neither do you, opting to stay hidden underneath the sheets. Though suddenly, there’s a dip in the mattress followed by a pur next to your head.

Could it be?

“Dante?” You murmur, lifting your head from underneath your cocoon of fabric. Small black paws and silver eyes meet your gaze. “Dante!” Immediately sitting up, you pulled him to your lap, scratching his little head and cooing about how much you missed him as he purred and curled into to you.

Levi would never say it, but he missed seeing you smile at the little fleabag.

You turn to look at your roommate. “How’d you find him?”

“Asked around the campus. He wandered into another dorm building and probably thought it was ours.”

“Well yeah but... I thought you hated him?”

“I do.” He replies instantly.

“Then why’d you find him?”

“I hate him, not you.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

v. fifth terrace: avarice

“I fucking hate both of you,” Levi grumbles, staring at the dorm.

Towers of boxes lined his supposed to be clean dorm room. He had a hard time prying the door open since it was blocked, and he wasn’t even sure how the boxes weren’t blocking out the light from how high they were piled. Dante’s sat on a stack of box directly next to the door, purring and flicking his tail around. Levi squints his eyes and glares at the little shit.

“You especially.”

“Mrow?”

Levi’s day had been, with no irony or sarcasm at all, amazing. He got a good grade on his research paper; the guy in front of him at the cafe accidentally ordered an extra serving of (coincidentally, Levi’s favorite) tea and gave it to him for free; and he got full marks for the presentation he’s been worrying about for weeks. His class even got dismissed early so he had an extra hour for lunch. He knew you didn’t have classes, so in honor of his great day he thought he’d do something nice and take you out for lunch. His treat, of course.

But any trace of his good mood vanished when he went back to the dorms and got greeted to a room that looked like it came from an episode of Hoarders.

This is what he gets for trying to be nice.

“Levi! Is that you?” You called out.

“What the fuck happened?”

You laugh sheepishly— at least Levi thinks you do. He couldn’t see you beyond the hundred boxes that took up your shared room. He hears some rustling and the sound of things being moved around before finally your head pops out from behind a wall of brown, smiling at him apologetically before walking towards him (and tripping a few times).

“Remember when I said I’d order some toys for Dante as a surprise?”

Levi’s eye twitches. “Don’t tell me—”

“I accidentally ordered 10,000 instead of 10. Online shopping struggles, am I right?” You nervously chuckle at his pissed off face. Levi was not in the mood.

Your smile widens as you make twinkly gestures with your hands. “So uh... surprise?”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

vi. sixth terrace: gluttony

The clinic is still when you first entered.

The harsh smell of alcohol and sterile metal makes your nose grimace, and the coldness of the thermostat brings goosebumps to your arms. Behind the wall, somewhete in the waiting room, cats are hissing, dogs are barking, and you could even hear the sound of birds angrily chirping and rattling their cages.

Dante cowers in fear on the silver table, and your heart aches. His ears are down and his fur’s standing on its ends, but you couldn’t comfort him. Not right now, at least. The veterinarian still needed to do a few more checks.

You gulp, “how’s... how’s Dante looking, doc?”

“Not good,” she murmurs. Her eyebrows are furrowed, and she takes a deep sigh as she eyes the information on the chart. “It’ll take months before he can walk properly again, possibly more if we don’t do anything about it soon.”

“Don’t tell me... is he—-”

“I’m sorry, my dear,” she sighs. “But your cat is heavily obese.”

The corners of your lips twitch down into a frown, and your palm is warm when you start to stroke Dante’s fur. He calms down a bit from your touch, less on edge but still guarded as he warily eyes the doctor’s gloved hands.

“But I don’t understand,” you reply. “I’ve been following the recommended diet you put him on, and I haven’t been feeding him anything other than the cat food and vitamins you recommended. How’s he still obese?”

“Well, we could look into other solutions, but for now I think we ought to look at whether or not Dante has an underlying health problem.”

Levi tunes out the chatter between you and the vet, bored eyes staring into nothing. He’s leaning against a wall and he’s watching the cat carrier. Your bag’s slung over his shoulders and your coat’s in his arms, and he was sure you didn’t even need him to be here for “moral support.”

He mentally scoffs. You probably just needed a chauffeur to drive you for free, and honestly, Levi would rather feel like a chauffeur than a coat rack.

His eyes make contact with Dante’s, and all the fear in the cat’s eyes is suddenly gone, replaced with a steely glare and bared teeth. A warning, one no one else notices but him.

Levi gives him a solitary nod, understanding what Dante wanted to say.

Don’t tell Y/N I’ve been sneaking to the neighbors.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

vii. seventh terrace: desire

There’s something about the buzz of alcohol and nicotine that makes Levi confident—- the liquid courage in his veins and the smoke in his lungs clouding his judgement. Perhaps that’s where he finally gets the balls to cross the room, drunken eyes on your equally intoxicated ones, before he pulls you in for a kiss.

The kiss starts slow, with lips just interlocking and lightly testing the waters. But then he feels your tongue make its way inside his mouth and your fingers weave into his hair to tug him closer, and Levi loses the last threads of inhibition he has. His tongue massages yours and one of his arm wraps around your waist, the other comes down to grope and knead your ass. He feels you walk backwards and your hand pulls at his tie, dragging him with you. Suddenly he’s trapping you against a wall, lifting one of your legs up to wrap around his hips so he could grind his crotch into yours.

Levi doesn’t expect his first kiss with you to be like this; messy and full of tongue and spit, full of fingers clawing at clothes and small grunts escaping your lips. He was hoping it’d be more romantic, with warm cheeks and fingers softly intertwining, shy kisses exchanged through little smiles.

But he’s not about to complain—- he’s wanted to be with you for years, and god he loved having you like this. Loved having you all hot and desperate, trapped between his firm chest and the wall. His cock is hard in his pants, and he just about growls when he feels you start to undo his belt, the fly of his pants coming down as you got on your knees and stared up at him with innocent eyes as you pull out his aching boner. There’s a cheeky grin your face when you pump at his length, and your tongue peaks out of your mouth before—

“Levi, are you okay?”

His eyes snap open, and he’s greeted to the sight of your worried face directly above his.

“Fuck!” he yells, and his forehead slams into yours when he flinches away. “Sorry, sorry” he quickly ammends when you yelp in pain.

He’s covered in sweat, he notices. Chest heaving, heart beating a little too loud for his liking, and he silently pulls the blankets over his cum stained boxers when you sit beside him.

God, he was really hoping you wouldn’t notice the fact that he came in his pants like a high schooler. And it was before dream you even got to suck him off. How much more pathetic could he be.

“Are you okay?” He asks, and you nod.

“Yeah, m’fine, it’s just...” your eyes are distracted, staring off into space. Fingers trace his thighs, and you sigh. “You were having a nightmare,”

Levi blinks. “What?”

“You were having a nightmare,” you repeat. “Kept tossing and turning and groaning in your sleep. And you kept making these... funny faces,”

“...right,” he nods. Sure, a nightmare. A nightmare he never wanted to wake up from.

It takes about ten minutes to reassure you that yes, he was fine, don’t mind the way his cheeks are flushed, he was just... shaken up from his nightmare, is all. Then you’re back to bed, sleeping the night away, and twenty minutes later he’s on his way back to bed too; this time with a fresh pair of boxers and a content look on his face, all thanks to him finishing off his fantasies in the communal bathroom during his shower.

The door makes a quiet click when he shuts it behind him, and he freezes when he catches sight of Dante sat up on your bed, tail flicking behind him as he gives Levi a knowing look.

Levi squints his eyes, and he threateningly whispers, “you tell no one.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

epilogue

The half empty room brings a frown to your face, and all you could do was pout as you sealed up the last of the boxes.

“Why do you have to leave again?” you ask, and Levi turns around as he finishes folding the last of his clothes. He shrugs. “Cats aren’t allowed in the dorms.”

You owed him your entire college career, that much was sure. The RA’s found out about Dante, and Levi had taken the fall to spare you. He wasn’t required to move out since it was only his first strike, but he insisted on doing so so that Dante wouldn’t be alone, saying he already found an apartment nearby and he’ll never hear the end of it from you if he didn’t take Dante with him.

Bullshit. Levi had a soft spot for Dante, you knew that much. He wasn’t doing it for you, he was doing it for himself. Though normally you’d be overjoyed to know that Levi really did secretly like the cat he pretended to hate so much, this time, you were just pissed. You couldn’t believe a fucking cat was stealing away the guy you’ve been in love with since high school. Sure, you were too much of a coward to ask him out, but he was basically your boyfriend already—- the entire campus knew you inadvertently had dibs on each other.

“Yeah but... do you have to leave me alone?”

“I asked you to come with me, and you said no.” He points out. “I still don’t see why when we’ve been roommates since we were freshmen.”

“It’s different off-campus!”

“How?”

“Because it’s like... it’s like we’re moving in together, y’know?” you reply. “And it seemed wrong to move in with you when we’re not even dating.”

“Let’s do it, then.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighs, handing you a spare key to what you could only assume was his new apartment. You glance between him and the key in your hands, and he rolls his eyes when he realizes that you still don’t get it.

“I know we’re doing this backwards since couples don’t typically move in before the first date,” he says before gesturing to Dante. “But we already have a son, and I know you’re his favorite parent. We can share custody until you can move in with me.”

You blink. “What?” Your brain stopped working when Levi referred to you as a couple, and you’re pretty sure your heart stopped beating too. At this point, anything he said went in one ear and out the other. He flicks your forehead.

“Hey— ow! What was that for?”

“You weren’t listening.”

“And you’re being a prick!” you grumble. “It hurts, y’know.”

He scoffs. “What do you want me to do? Kiss it better?” he scoffs.

Your mouth moves faster than your brain, “I’d rather you kiss me.”

Wait. What?

Before you could go back on your words, Levi shrugs. Warm palms gently grab your cheeks, pulling your face closer to his. Your eyes widen and you momentarily freeze, brain definitely not working anymore. He hesitates when you don’t make a move, but then you’re shyly leaning forward, and that was all the confirmation Levi needs.

“If you insist,” he whispers, and suddenly your words die on your tongue when his lips interlock with yours.

alrightberries © 2020. do not modify or repost.

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[watchmegetobsessed]

VALERIE - Part IV. (Harry Styles)

hello loves!! thank you so much for the feedbacks on the previous part, i love to see your thoughts at reactions so please keep them coming for the upcoming parts as well! i was informed that the posts weren’t showing up under the hashtags bc i had an extrernal link to the spotify playlist, so that won’t be available in the next parts, but you’ll always be able to find it in the masterpost if you’d like to give it a listen! those were the songs i listened to while writing the story! now, i dont want to keep you up any longer, here is part 4, one of my personal favs, and im excitedly waiting for your feedbacks on the post! have a wonderful reading!

word count: 4.5k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

Valerie is curiously watching her dad work on the portable bed they’ve brought over for the night, her little hands clutching onto Rosa’s shirt as she is telling you all about the list she has made for you. It’s not a long one, but you try to focus on every word she says, making sure you won’t mess anything up.

“I put an X behind the important ones,” she explains pointing at the paper and you nod, eyes roaming down on the few X’s on the list. “The other ones are just suggestions, things I thought you should know.

“Got it,” you nod again, biting into your bottom lip. Bath time, feeding, sleep time, everything is covered in the list and you’re happy she even mentioned the smallest details. Some things might be natural for her as she’s been doing it for months, but it’s your first time completely alone with a baby. You surely don’t want to mess this up, especially because you want her to trust you and let you look after Valerie more often. They deserve a break now and then.

Steven finishes the bed and backs out a few stuffed animals along with two blankets into it, making it look cozy and familiar for Val.

“But most importantly,” Rosa starts and you look her in the eyes. “Call us anytime if you need help or want us to take her home, and I mean it.”

“Not gonna happen,” you shake your head, earning a sigh from your sister.

“Y/N, I’m serious. We are thankful for the help, but it’s not your duty, alright? Just call us anytime, really.”

Nodding your head you flash a smile at her, knowing well nothing on Earth is gonna make you call them tonight. Okay, maybe there are some cases when you would call, but those are quite unlikely to happen.

She hands Valerie over who curiously eyes you before grabbing a handful of your shirt and making herself busy with the fabric.

“It’s gonna be fine. Have a great night, you deserve it,” you smile at them. Steven straightens up and curls an arm around Rosa’s waist as they watch Val in awe, clearly a little worried they are gonna spend an entire night without her, but you can tell they also can’t wait for some alone time.

“Alright, we should get going,” Rosa sighs and stepping closer she kisses Valerie’s head and then your cheek as well. “Have fun with your aunty! We’ll be back for you in the morning, Sweetie.”

She runs her hand over her little head and Valerie smiles at her happily, completely oblivious to what’s really happening. The joys of being just a baby!

Steven says goodbye to her as well and you all head to the door. 

“So, we’ll be here around eight, she is usually up by six. Do you want us to pick her up sooner?” Rosa asks standing at the front door.

“Sooner? I was about to tell you to sleep a little longer, you don’t have to come so early.”

“But we don’t want to take away your whole day, you need to rest too,” Steven explains, worry all over his face.

“Stop worrying about me, I’ll be fine. Just enjoy your night off! Come on, I’m throwing you guys out, time for the sleepover to start,” you tell them, shushing them out the door. 

It takes some time to finally get them to leave, but they eventually do. Then it’s just the two of you, alone for the first time.

“Ready for your first sleepover, Val?” you ask her, standing in the hallway of your apartment. She just stares back at you, saliva drooling from her mouth but even that looks cute on her. “Alright, let’s do this.”

You braced yourself for the worst. Thought about all the possibilities how the evening would go, but you hoped they wouldn't become reality. Unfortunately, baby Valerie had different plans for the two of you.

The first hour goes by fine. You feed her, have a little play time, reading her favorite book to her, but slowly, you notice her losing interest in anything and everything. Soon enough, you see her face distort into a grimace and a few moments later she starts crying and it’s straight downhill from there. 

Nothing can get her to stop. No food, no toy, absolutely nothing. You clown around, trying everything that pops into your mind that would calm her down, but it doesn’t seem like she is about to stop anytime soon. 

You start to panic. Rosa told you how fussy she is because of her teeth coming, but you didn’t think it would be this bad. When she’s been crying for an entire hour straight, for a split second, you think about calling Rosa. 

“No, not gonna do that,” you say, while Val is still screaming in your arms. “Valerie, what do you want? Tell me and I’ll give it to you, I promise! Just please stop crying!” you whine desperately, but, no surprise, no answer comes from the screaming babe in your arms, just more tears, puffy eyes and red cheeks from all the crying she’s been doing.

Trying to rock her into calmness you are moving around in the apartment when you hear your phone ringing. You instantly think it’s gonna be Rosa, wanting to check in on you, but how are you gonna answer the call when Valeries is screaming from the top of her lungs? She’ll come to pick her up straight away, no doubt about that.

Rushing into the kitchen you are relieved to see that it’s just Harry calling you.

“It’s not the best of times, Styles,” you sigh as you answer the call and put him on the speaker, leaving the phone on the countertop, so you have both your hands free for Valerie.

“Hey, I was just-- what the fuck is happening?” he asks hearing the deadly cries of Val through the line. “Is that Valerie?”

“It is! I’m looking after her so Rosa and Steven can celebrate their anniversary, but she just wouldn’t stop crying! I don’t know what to do!” 

You’re absolutely desperate. It’s so bad you can feel your throat closing up, nearing the edge of your patience, tears threatening to roll down your cheeks, but you tell yourself only one of you can cry at a time and Val has taken that spot quite some time ago, not even giving you a moment to let loose.

“Text me your address, I’m leaving now,” he orders and you snap your head towards the phone.

“What? No, Harry--”

“Just text me the damn address, Y/N!” he barks and the line cuts off right away. 

Your desperation pairs with shock now, not knowing what to think about this short, but quite eventful conversation you just had with him. It takes you a few moments to collect your thoughts, but you end up sending him your address. 

Nothing changes in the twenty minutes while you are waiting to hear anything from Harry following your text to him. Valerie keeps crying with three seconds of pauses when she takes a few deep breaths only to start screaming once again. Aside from the headache she is causing you, it’s becoming pretty impressive how long she’s been doing it. You probably would have fainted by now, but it seems like Valerie is running on an endless battery.

“You are really making it hard for me to be a cool aunt, Val,” you mumble, the baby still in your arms as the tears keep rolling down her face. Your light grey shirt is now soaking wet, both from her tears and your sweat from the anxiety she is giving you, mixed with some other things you choose to ignore where they came from.

The doorbell makes you jump, but Valerie doesn’t even bat an eye at the sound, she just keeps going.

“You need to teach me how to have this much energy,” you mumble under your breath as you walk over to the door. 

Opening it you find yourself staring up at Harry who is wearing a brown coat, dark jeans and a black hoodie. If you had to guess what he was doing on this weekend evening you would have said he was out with friends somewhere, picking up girls, but he surely doesn’t look like he was anywhere else than his home, the clothes are hanging messily on his frame, like he just threw them on in a rush.

His green eyes look straight at you at first before moving over to the crying child in your arms. You fully expect him to say something along the lines of “this is the kind of effect you have on others” comment, but it seems like he notices the fear and despair in your eyes and he keeps his mouth shut.

“I honestly have no idea what to do,” you choke out and the tears start flowing from your eyes as well, making Harry have to deal with now two crying human beings.

“Oh my, please don’t cry, I can’t take two crying women at once,” Harry begs as he steps inside and shuts the door behind him. Turning to face you he reaches for Valerie, you hand her over to him, hoping she would magically stop the crying, but she clearly couldn’t care less.

“Why, can you take one?” you ask with a bitter chuckle as you wipe your cheeks.

“Not really,” he admits, making you smile. “So what have you tried?” he asks as he starts swaying and rocking Valerie in hopes of getting her to stop, but not even Harry’s charm stands a chance with her right now. Deep down you’re happy you weren’t the reason she got so fussy and upset, would have been pretty awkward if she stopped the moment Harry took her into his arms. 

“Literally everything,” you huff, shoulders falling forward. “I went over the list Rosa gave me, tried everything, but she wouldn’t stop. She’s teething, but this is… It seems like there might be something else maybe?” you tell him worried that something serious might be behind her behavior. You really don’t want to call and bother Rosa, but you are nearing the point where you’ll give up and ask for help.

“Maybe she needs to be changed?” Harry suggests holding her up, giving her butt a sniff, but you roll your eyes at him.

“You don’t think that was one of the first things I did? She is as clean as she could be. Maybe I should just call Rosa,” you sigh in defeat reaching for your phone but Harry snaps at you.

“No! Don’t, we can figure this out. Steven has been so excited to have a night off, we can’t ruin this for them. Come on, we have to have the slightest parenting skills and solve this without them.”

Nodding you agree with him, but you’ve completely run out of ideas.

“So what do you suggest?”

You can see the gears turning in Harry’s head as he is trying to come up with a plan, but it’s not like either of you have any experience with babies. The idea of calling Rosa is starting to burn in the back of your head, fear of failing this challenge taking over your thoughts.

Then Harry looks at you with a look that screams that he has an idea. You’re just about to ask what came into his mind when all of a sudden he starts to sing.

“Well, sometimes I go out by myself and I look across the water, and I think of all the things what you’re doing and in my head I paint a picture…”

You instantly recognize Amy Whinehouse’s iconic song, the one that’s also behind Valerie’s name, you know that for sure. Rosa was obsessed with the song growing up, she would sing it on the way to school, in the shower or while making dinner. You weren’t surprised she chose this name for her first daughter.

What surprises you that Harry sings like a literal angel. He hits the notes perfectly, nailing the lines like not many can and you listen to him with parted lips, eyebrows raised. This was the last thing you expected from him, but then again, it’s not the first time Harry has surprised you through the years of knowing him.

Valerie stops for a moment, her hiccups shaking through her body as her tear-filled eyes look up to Harry, and you both think this is gonna be the moment when she finally calms down, but he doesn’t even reach the chorus before she starts crying again, a defeated sigh erupting from him.

“Maybe she wants it instrumental,” you suggest and Harry gives you one of those ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ looks as you leave to run down the hallway, right into your bedroom.

“How am I supposed to make it instru-- what the hell, Y/N?!” He gives you a weirded out look when you return with a guitar in your hands. “Since when do you play the guitar?” 

“Since like… eighth grade,” you tell him as you sit on the couch and holding the guitar on your lap you try to find the right accords. “I told you, you know nothing about me.”

Harry nods with a surprised but amazed look on his face as your fingers strum against the chords. It takes a few minutes but you figure it out and glancing up you give a questioning look to Harry.

“From the start?” you ask and he nods his head, continuously bouncing up and down to try to calm Val down.

You start playing the song and soon enough Harry joins you with the singing, the two of you perfectly nailing it even without any practice.

“Stop makin’ a fool out of me, why don’t you come on over, Valerie?”

Maybe it’s the guitar, maybe it’s the singing or maybe the fact that the song has her name in it, but by the time you reach the halfway point in the song Valerie’s crying slowly starts to fade. You instantly share a look with Harry, but don’t stop, fearing that she might start again if the music stops. 

Her tear soaked cheeks smooth out as she is not screaming anymore and you can actually see her irises finally, her long lashes are sticking together from the salty tears and you know it’s gonna take some time for her to regain her normal state, but at least the crying has stopped. 

“‘Cause since I’ve come on home, well, my body’s been a mess. And I’ve missed your ginger hair and the way you like to dress…”

You tear your eyes off Valerie for a second, letting yourself wander over Harry’s features as he sings. He slightly furrows his eyebrows focusing on the lines, so his forehead has a few creases on it. His lips form the words so clearly and elegantly, you wonder how often he sings. Is it something he only does when he is on his own or he likes to perform as well? 

The only time when you heard him sing was at the bar when the two of you slayed the karaoke machine with that Avril Lavigne song. You were smashed by then, you remember that he had a nice voice but it was the last thing you paid attention to. Besides, he was kind of equally drunk as you, it was all for just fun, but now is a completely different situation. 

It’s no surprise Valerie finds his voice soothing, you’d probably stop whatever you were doing if you heard him sing. There are people with a good voice and then there are the ones that not just have a good voice but also that small something, that extra magic in them that makes you melt as their voice caress your ears. Harry is definitely the second case, for a moment you forget where you are or why he is there singing. It’s just his voice and the gentle strumming of your fingers on the chords. 

At the end of the song he starts repeating Valerie as the song slowly fades into nothing and you both stare at the little girl in his arms, clearly afraid she might start crying again. Unfortunately, your reservations become valid when you see the corners of her mouth curls down and you and Harry share a shocked look immediately.

“What else can you play?” he urges as Val whimpers in his arms, letting you know she does not appreciate that the singing has stopped. 

“Shit, shit! Um, something from ABBA?” you propose and Harry nods quickly, not even asking which song you know, so you take it as a sign that he probably knows all of them.

The first song that comes to your mind is Andante, Andante and you don’t hesitate to start playing again, just in time. Valerie was just about to start crying again, but as soon as the melody hit her little ears she calmed down and listened to it with tired looking eyes.

“Take it easy with me, please. Touch me gently like a summer evening breeze…” Harry sings the words and you can’t hold a smile back as he, once again, hits the notes just perfectly without missing a beat.

You’re convinced there’s not one person on Earth who has never heard a single Abba song, most of the population knows them by heart, but somehow you couldn’t really imagine Harry to be a person who knows the lyrics to the songs as well. But he does and sings it without messing it up even just once. It’s hard to imagine a younger version of Harry singing ABBA songs when they come on the radio, but the more you think about it the more the picture paints itself in your mind.

Valerie lays her head to Harry’s chest, stuffing her thumb into her mouth as she listens to the performance. She is probably enjoying the vibrance of his voice shaking through his chest and maybe this is what brings her the peace she’s been looking for all this time. Your heart skips a beat at the sight of them.

Harry glances at you, eyes so soft you melt under his gaze. However nerve wrecking it was to have Valerie scream for hours, she is still the cutest little thing ever as she rests her head on his chest, her long blinks giving it away she has definitely lost most of her energy. 

You don’t dare to stop the singing and playing. When you near the end of a song you quickly think of something else and whisper it over to Harry, who then gives his feedback on it with either a nod or a shake of his head. Most of the time he knows the songs you suggest so the show continues without a stop. 

Half an hour passes by when you see her eyes slowly closing. You still don’t stop though, only when Harry tries to listen to her breathing and he realizes that it was completely slowed down. She is out.

“Holy shit,” you breathe out quietly, your fingers feeling numb from the playing. You haven’t had a guitar in your hands for this long in a while, probably for years. Harry shares your relief, his throat has completely dried out and he is happy to finally breathe evenly, not just sneak a few breaths in between lines. 

“And now what?” he mouths as he is still gently swaying around with the sleeping Valerie in his arms. You put the guitar aside and check if she is for real asleep. Her long lashes are spread out on her puffy cheeks, gently snoozing into Harry’s chest as if she weren’t screaming for dear life just an hour ago. 

“Let’s put her down,” you whisper and nod at him to follow you. 

Reaching your bedroom you only switch your bedside lamp on so the light doesn’t wake her up. Pushing the stuffed animals to the side you grab the blankets and let Harry do the critical job. Leaning down he oh so slowly starts to pull her away from his chest, careful not to move too suddenly, it all feels like in those action movies when they are trying to get through the lasers without triggering the alarm. One bad move and the screaming threatens to start again and that’s the last thing you want, after all you’ve done to calm her down. 

You don’t even realize it but as you watch her little head reach the mattress you hold your breath, almost wincing upon seeing Harry’s hands slide out from under her sleeping frame. As if you wait for something to go wrong, both of you freeze for a moment, expecting her to start moving around and wake up, but she stays still. 

Eyes snapping up to Harry, you exchange a look and then you both head to the door, careful not to make any noise that can possibly shake Valerie up from her dreams.

“This was more tiring than running a marathon,” he huffs, throwing himself to the couch and you do the same next to him. 

“Have you ever run a marathon?”

“No,” he confidently answers and you look over at him with a puzzled look. “But I can imagine how tiring it is.”

You let out a chuckle, letting your eyes close for just a little bit. You haven’t even had the chance to realize how much this whole struggle with Val sucked the energy out of you, but now that you’re half lying on the couch it hits you all at once.

“I should get going,” you hear Harry mumble, clearly just as tired as you are, but he doesn’t move. 

“Mhm,” you hum, feeling yourself drift to sleep.

Neither of you moves and it doesn’t take a whole five minutes for the both of you to completely doze off.

The next time you wake up you feel an arm curled around your waist and someone is definitely pressed up against you while your back is against the back of the couch. It takes you a couple of moments and some blinking to realize it’s Harry you are all snuggled up to and the reason why you woke up is because Valerie is crying again. 

“Shit,” you mumble to yourself, mind still groggy from the sleep as you push yourself up on the couch. Just moments later Harry’s eyes flush open and you’re not sure it’s because of the crying or because you moved next to him. His arm slides off you as he looks around a little confused about his surroundings.

You don’t have the chance to think about how the two of you ended up cuddling on the couch, though it lingers in the back of your mind. Basically crawling over Harry you rush into your bedroom where Valerie is lying in her bed crying. It’s a different kind of cry, not like the one you were stuck with for hours before and you know she must be hungry.

“Ah, come on, little girl. It’s alright,” you coo at her scooping her into your arms. She immediately cuddles to your chest hiccupping against it, her little hands fisting your shirt. You leave to go to the kitchen and feed her, but just as you’re about to step out of the room you bump into Harry.

You bounce back from his chest, but his hand immediately reaches for you and grabs your arm, holding you in case you might fall back.

“Sorry,” you breathe out, thoughts still foggy a little. “She’s… hungry,” you explain, but he is standing so close to you, you can feel his body’s warmth and it instantly ignites the memory of being pressed against his side on the couch just moments ago and you can’t stop yourself from inhaling a shaky breath. 

“Let me help,” he croaks out and the two of you walk into the kitchen. Putting on her bib you hand her over to Harry who sits with her on his lap on a stoop as you get the baby food, warm it a little before joining the two of them and you slowly start feeding her.

“What time is it?” you ask realizing you have no idea how long you two have been asleep on the couch.

“It’s three am,” Harry answers before smiling down at Val. “Good job, Val!” he hums watching her take the spoon into her mouth.

You finish up feeding her, then give a try at burping her even though Rosa said it’s not necessary anymore. She just hums to herself so you head back to the bedroom, her eyes already threatening to close. By the time you put her back to the bed she is out again, so no private show is needed this time.

Walking out of the room you see Harry putting on his shoes and coat. For a split second you feel disappointed that he is leaving, but then your rational side puts you to your place. Of course he is leaving! Val is fine now, there’s no other reason for him to stay, right?

“Harry,” you softly say and he looks at you. “Can you please not tell Rosa and Steven that I needed help with Val?” you quietly ask, though there’s no doubt your eyes are practically begging him.

“No way I’ll ever admit to Steven that I sang ABBA to his child, so don’t worry about it,” he chuckles making you smile as well. 

“Thank you. And for helping me as well. I was really close to giving it up,” you admit folding your arms on your chest as Harry stands at the front door, hand on the door knob as he is looking back at you.

“No problem. Now you owe me one,” he smirks and you can’t hold yourself back from rolling your eyes.

“Sure,” you say with an airy chuckle. “Good night, Harry.”

“Good night, Y/N,” he smiles at you sweetly before opening the door and walking out. 

You take his place at the door and watch him walk down the eerily quiet hallway. He turns back to you one last time waving in your way and you nod back smiling before he disappears around the corner.

Closing the door you lean your back against it, taking a deep breath. Your eyes wander over to the couch where you and Harry were sleeping not so long ago. The feeling of his arm around you is still burned into your mind and you breathe in shakily as a memory snaps into your head of the exact same thing, only years earlier.

You lied almost exactly like that in his hotel room that night. His strong arms wrapped around you as you had your head laid on his chest, listening to his heartbeat that was slightly faster than the normal. Though you were still quite drunk, this feeling imprinted into your memories, because you felt so safe with him. Like nothing could ever hurt you if he was there with you.

Unfortunately, that feeling faded into nothing when you woke up in the morning quite fast. But this time, instead of disappointment and disgust, the only thing you still feel is the emptiness at the lack of his touch. 

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[heartbreakgrill]

Flirting in Walmart

a/n: definitely going to be writing some fetus 5sos, BUT, this video makes me feel some type of way 😌

description: being the opening act for 5sos is fun, but not when they wake you up at 12:30 to go into walmart. [PT 2]

“Pst, [Y/N].”

Someone rocked your shoulder, your body- a snoring lump- being knocked around in effect. You groaned at the movement, toes curling because your legs stretched.

“[Y/N], wake up,” the voice whispered again, warm, minty breath fanning across your face.

“What,” it came as a statement, the question mark lazily slung off from your short tone.

“Do you wanna come into Walmart with us?” Calum’s hand stayed on your shoulder, fingers pressing into your skin, exposed by the crooked t-shirt.

You shivered, brushing him off of you, “Why?”

Your eyes slowly opened, noticing the flicked on lights of the tour bus, the blackout curtain to your bunk hanging over Calum. His face was so close to yours, your heart skipped a beat.

“Ash and I want better blankets, Michael wants dog treats, and I know you said earlier that you wanted a heated blanket and lipgloss,” his eyes dipped back into his head when he listed your list from that day.

You were flattered he remembered your complaints from earlier in the day. And, even though your head was whining, your feet aching, and your joints moaning from each movement, you went to sit up.

Calum guarded your head with his left hand, afraid your sleepy state would hit it off the top bunk. “We’ll be outside. Take your time.”

You lazily pulled on the fuzzy sucks abandoned at the bottom of your bunk, feet colliding with your moccasins once you shuffled to the front area of the bus. Though your skin was covered in goosebumps, you stepped down from the bus in just your sweatpants and a t-shirt, no bra protecting you from the chill.

“Ready?” Michael cheerily remarked, Moose on a lease in front of him.

You nodded, falling in step with Ash and Calum towering on either side of you. “Can you take ‘em inside?”

Michael shrugged, “Its 12 AM; I dont think it matters.”

You managed a sleepy laugh, taking in a deep breath. As the chilly air filled your lungs, your teeth chattered haphazardly in your mouth.

“Why didn’t you grab a coat?” Ash laughed.

You shrugged, the lights of the store making your eyes squint as you came closer to the entrance. “Don’t know, I’m half asleep.”

Ash chuckled again before catching up with Michael, who called the older man up to him to look over the clearance just inside the entrance. Your arms collided with fuzzy material, the chill going slightly away.

“Oh, thank you,” you slipped your hands through Calum’s hoodie, allowing for your cold to go completely away.

“Welcome.” He stopped at an intersection of aisles, causing you to stop, too. “Wanna come with me?”

“Cosmetics is right here, lets go there first.”

You lead the way down the aisle, noticing Andy filming Michael and Ash at the entrance. Calum followed you down the makeup aisles, confused but intrigued by the products.

You squatted to look at the NYX lipgloss’ and Calum busied himself with an eyeshadow pallet.

“This would look really pretty on you,” he spoke, placing the pallet down in front of you.

You plucked a shimmery pink from the display rack and stood back to his level. “You, too.”

“You think?” He blushed: Your face didn’t have the energy to rush blood to your face, luckily.

“Yeah, Ive always thought you would look really hot on stage with eyeshadow,” you shrugged, eyes dancing over the pallet.

Calum’s eyebrows perked up, “Oh? Hot?”

“C’mon, you know I think youre hot.” You deadpanned directly into his eyes. “Blankets,” you walked away, Calum following like a lost puppy because of the compliment.

You stopped at the blanket aisle, feeling Calum pause just behind your shoulder, his chest nearly pressed up against you. You skimmed down the aisle, unsure of which heated blanket to buy until you saw the brand you had discusssed with your mom.

“You get one?” You turned to the older man, noticing he had strayed away as you were looking.

“Uh, yes, this fuzzy one would suit me.”

It was stitched with a giant Anna, Elsa, Olaf, Kristoff, and Sven.

You snorted, stuffing your empty hand into his pocket. “Still hot.”

Calum grinned down at you, backing out of the aisle as you walked towards him. “Did you wanna look at books, too?”

“Yeah, I did,” you gaped up at him, unaware he actually listened to you that much.

You finished the last book you brought on tour yesterday, discussed it with Sierra, and exchanged recommendations in the dressing room. He simply overheard you, hadn’t even been involved in the conversation.

It was your turn to look lost, following with wide eyes. Calum stepped into the aisle, beginning to gaze at different books. He plucked through a coloring book while you were reading the backs of some novels. You had two picked out when he got bored and leaned against the shelf in front of you. His arm was slung up on the top shelf, face nuzzled into his elbow, watching you with adoring eyes.

“May I help you?” You quipped, still looking at a book.

You met his eyes and he grinned, “Just admiring the view.”

You were more awake now and your body allowed the pink tint to criss cross to the tips of your ears. “Hm.”

After picking up three more books, you walked alongside one another to the next aisle. It was simply rolls of fabric, but Calum didn’t care. Or, apparently, didn’t notice.

“Well, these blankets are cheaper,” he mumbled to himself, but you still heard him.

“Cal, no-“

“I’m getting one of these instead.” He grabbed the roll of black fabric and walked away. He knocked down a roll of one designed with plaid, but didn’t seem to, again, notice.

You sighed, picking it up and putting it back. You turned to follow him again, facing both Calum and Andy, with a camera. You grinned, waving at the device.

“Wanna say something, [Y/N]?” He moved closer to you, focusing the lens on your face.

“Hi, mom!” You giggled, waving again. Your eyes flickered from the camera to Calum, who was staring at you again. He smiled shyly, but grinned when he noticed you were meeting his eyes.

You took a deep breath, clenched your jaw. The next few minutes were a blur as Ashton pointed out to Calum that the blankets were rolls of fabric. Then, checking out, trudging back to the bus, sitting yourself down on the couch. You took everything from the bags, removed the packaging and tossed the trash into the bag Ashton held out to you. You hooked up the heating blanket, and excitedly walked/ran/skipped/danced to your bunk.

You bent at the waist, leaning the top half of your body into the bunk in order to plug it in. You stood back up, clapping your hands together at the new addition to your life. You bent down again to put your books into the drawer beneath your bunk.

When you, again, stood up, you turned and your eyes collided with Calum, who was on the couch, halfway through unraveling his pack of socks, but paused because he was distracted. His eyes were focused on the middle of your body, the air where your ass had just been. You cleared your throat, hip popped out.

You crossed your arms, shuffling into the living area. Ashton muttered a goodnight to both of you, shutting the door separating the bunking area from where you were. The lights were dimmed, the only one on being a lamp on the table next to Calum.

He didn’t meet your eyes, busying himself with his socks as he rolled each pair into each other. You sat down across from him, on the other couch.

“What’re we doing?” You sighed, fingers fumbling with the loose sleeves of his hoodie.

“Hm?” No eye contact.

“Cal,” you sternly replied. He still wasn’t giving you his beautiful brown eyes, “Calum.”

There. He frowned, face red and eyebrows raised. “What?”

“What’re we doing?” You ran your hands down your thighs, clamminess seeping through your pores. “What?”

“i dont know,” he shrugged, scared of the consequences by saying he could fall in love with you.

“Dancing around each other. That’s what. But why? Youre so confusing. I compliment you, flirt with you. But, you just flirt back and walk away. Are you playing with me? You dont want to play with me. I’m a Taylor Swift, bitch, ill write a song about you- nah, actually, you could call me love, stare at my ass again, and I’ll write a motherfucking album, Calum. I genuinely, honestly, like you. I want to, like, be with you, Cal. If you want to, ya know? Like cuddle and shit and like, dance with you at the clubs like Sierra and Luke do. I dont know, I’m tired and hot and flustered because you were staring at my ass. I dont know what to do,” you let it all fall out, unaware of what you were saying until it out in the open. But, you couldn’t care less anymore. You needed to know his intentions before you fell in too deep.

Calum grinned into his lap, setting down his final pair of socks. He stood up, abandoning the clothing. He settled on his feet in front of you, out stretching his hand to you.

You glanced at the body part, eyes moving up his arm to his brown ones. “What?”

“There’s a club event tomorrow or some shit. I would dance with you right now, but my eyes are falling shut just standing here.” He shrugged, fingers wiggling in the air as he rose his brows again. “Let’s go.”

Your lips began to quirk up into a smile, legs pulling you from the couch. “Wh-“

“Cuddle,” he tugged you into him when you grabbed his hand. Calum lifted you in his arms, moving his hold to your waist. You squealed as he twisted you around, bridal style, while your fingers grabbed at his shoulders.

“Okay, but my bunk, my heating blankets all warm and ready.”

With a chuckle and a shake of his head- a kiss to your forehead- he shut the door with his foot.

[mrepstein]

The Beatles Book Monthly (No. 5, December 1963)

‘A TALE OF FOUR BEATLES’ by Billy Shepherd

PART IV (PART I // PART II // PART III)

Part IV opens in June, 1961 and charts Brian Epstein's early involvement with the Beatles.

And so the Beatles, with two experience-garnering trips to Germany behind them, got back to Liverpool. A swingin’ scene... and they were very much a part of it. It was the end of June, 1961.

But though they liked having more money to spend, they hadn’t the foggiest idea of just how much they were worth. The offers came in. Anything between £6 and £14 was the pay-packet, to be shared between Messrs. Lennon, McCartney, Harrison and drummer Pete Best.

“We just didn’t know,” admits George. “We loved the work, the excitement. We didn’t realise we were often being exploited. But it was hard work and somehow we didn’t seem to have much money in the kitty after we’d kept our equipment up to scratch...”

July, 1961, could go down as a summit meeting in Merseybeat history. A steamy, summery, shimmery night at Litherland Town Hall. A young promoter named Brian Kelly announced his attraction: The Beatmakers.

George Harrison was on lead guitar. Paul McCartney on rhythm. John Lennon on piano. Drummers were Pete Best and Freddie Marsden. Les Maguire operated on saxophone, Les Chadwick on bass guitar - and Gerry Marsden nipped on and off behind a big grin to take the vocals.

Gerry and the Pacemakers and the Beatles had linked up. For one night only and for a fee which is the smallest fraction of what they’d command for such a show now.

It led to friendships between the group members... but it didn’t seem to be leading to that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for the Beatles.

Says John: “We went on knocking ourselves out night after night but somehow there was a bit of frustration creeping in to it all. It didn’t seem to be leading anywhere.”

But the audiences were greatly appreciative.

Says Paul: “We started accepting dates further south. We got pretty near London on some of them. No change of material for us - still the stuff that went down so well in Germany. But we were veering away from the leather gear. Don’t make this sound big-headed, but the fact is that a lot of other groups were copying the way we looked on stage. So we changed to more ordinary clothes for a while.”

But in September, depression set in. Paul and John took themselves off to Paris for a holiday. They remember being flat broke. Remember having to search through every pocket to rake up enough francs for a Coke. Now, of course, they can go where they please and not count the cost.

And George and Pete stayed on in Liverpool, virtually lost to the Beat scene. Ray McFall, owner of the Cavern Club remembers seeing Messrs. Harrison and Best around the lunch-time sessions but they seemed dispirited. They took a lot of persuading even to join in on the impromptu roar-ups.

Let well-known Liverpool show compere Bob Wooler fill in the background to this black spot in the Beatles’ history.

“I’ve known the boys since the early days. I’ve been a long-time admirer. What they really needed was a manager in those far-off days. They seemed content not to argue about the fees they were offered. And they didn’t seem to realise that they were pulling in crowds on the strength of their own name and performance.

“After all, they had to live. They had to look after their equipment - and they often had travelling expenses to pay. It’s all very well being popular and enjoying your work, but you should be paid what you’re worth as well.

“Ray McFall at the Cavern was different. If the crowd was good, he upped the fee. That’s why the boys have always been so loyal to the Cavern. But you can understand them being puzzled at the lack of hard cash from their other venues where they were so often doubling the attendances.”

Paul and John were meanwhile spending a lot of time on their song-writing. You’ll see how much they’d already achieved in this direction as the story pushes on to the first recording days.

John and Paul could never sit down and simply write a song to order. They admit: “We have to wait for the ideas to arrive. It can happen anywhere. On a bus, or a train, or backstage at a dance-hall or theatre. Sometimes the title suggests itself first. Then we get going on the words and music. Sometimes we’ve finished a very successful seller in less than an hour.”

But their most pressing need was for a manager. Paul has told me “When we first started on paid jobs, we honestly thought we weren’t manageable. We thought nobody would want to bother with us. We were a pretty off-beat bunch of characters, to say the least. And we had a sense of humour which somehow involved us all and which was hardly in the interests of discipline. So, for a long time, we just didn’t take any notice of the advice that we should be properly handled. ‘Who’d WANT US,’ was the way we thought...

“And that’s where we were wrong...”

A MANAGER. Liverpool man Allan Williams took on the chore for a while... he now runs the Blue Angel Club on Merseyside.

But the man who was to make show business history with the Beatles knew nothing about the group in that September of 1961. That man, of course, was Brian Epstein, one-time drama student, member of a family which owned a chain of furniture and radio-TV stores in Liverpool.

He was not exactly WITH the beat scene. But he WAS in touch with the public taste through his work in the record department of the stores. He’d been there for five years, building up the business, enlarging the staff roster and increasing the turnover.

And in September, 1961, he was a puzzled man. Fans kept approaching him with: “Have you any records by the Beatles?” Brian mused. Pondered. Wondered. One young lad was particularly persistent in his demands. Brian dug deep into the record-lists. And found reference to that “My Bonnie” single, recorded in Germany, on which the Beatles played a strictly supporting role to guitar-star Tony Sheridan.

“I became Beatle-conscious for a while,” he says. “I always tried to work on the theory that the customer was right - and if they wanted the Beatles, well... I’d do my best to supply the Beatles. Eventually I traced the source and ordered some 200 copies for the record-stores. They sold quickly...

“Then out of the blue I heard they were Liverpool boys, had a rapidly-growing following - and were actually playing in a club near the store. It was a place that I’m sure I’d visited before, a sort of teenage gathering-place, but I really didn’t know much about it.

“After a while, I thought I’d better pop down there and see what all the fuss was about.”

Brian Epstein went to the Cavern. Met the Beatles. And things really started happening for the ambitious but not-too-sure group.

There are two ways of looking at this near-historic meeting. Brian Epstein’s. And the Beatles’ viewpoint.

Beatles first. Said George: “He started talking to us about the record that had created the demand. We didn’t know much about him but he seemed very interested in us and also a little bit baffled.

“He came back several times and talked to us. It seemed there was something he wanted to say, but he wouldn’t come out with it. He just kind of watched us and studied what we were doing. One day, he took us to the store and introduced us. We thought he looked rather red and embarrassed about it all.

“Eventually, he started talking about becoming our manager. Well, we hadn’t really had anybody actually VOLUNTEER in that sense. At the same time, he was very honest about it all - you know, like saying he didn’t really know anything about managing a group like us. He sort of hinted that he was keen if we’d go along with him...”

Brian, quite honestly, thought that the Beatles looked a mess. He wondered what exactly they thought they were trying to be. Their strange jackets, the rather scruffy jeans, the hair-styles, which could only have been styled on something called “chaos.”

“But there was something enormously attractive about them,” he recalls. “I liked the way they worked and the obvious enthusiasm they put into their numbers. People talk about the Liverpool sound but I sometimes wonder what exactly they mean. These boys put everything into their routines but they didn’t use echo. That struck me as being a very good thing.

“It was the boys themselves, though, who really swung it. Each had something which I could see would be highly commercial if only someone could push it to the top. They were DIFFERENT characters but they were so obviously part of the whole. Quite frankly, I was excited about their prospects, provided some things could be changed.”

And Brian told his friends: “This could easily turn out to be the biggest show business attraction since Elvis Presley.” It’s a tribute to his foresight and intuition that that is precisely what has happened.

Brian decided to get the boys together at a round-table conference at his store. A time was fixed and the boys agreed. But Beatles are not always the easiest of people to organise. Brian sat waiting... and waiting... and waiting. He was trying to cope with the vastly complex figures of Christmas orders for the store and minutes were precious to him.

Eventually THREE Beatles arrived. George, John and Pete. No Paul. Story goes that Brian got George to ring through and see what had happened to the left-handed guitar-star. And that Paul admitted he was still in the bath... but wouldn’t be long!

Brian was rather on his high-horse. He felt it was not the right thing for someone who wanted to talk business to be kept waiting. He pointed out that Paul, the cherubic one of the four, would be extremely late. “Yes,” said George, forcing back a grin. “But he’ll also be extremely clean.”

Says Brian: “That sense of humour is invaluable. You could hardly feel annoyed at their lack of business ability. They were just four individual and off-beat characters.”

Prior to Brian taking such an interest, there was great concern among Cavern people that there was a chance of the Beatles packing in all thoughts of show business careers. Bob Wooler had tried hard to get BBC television producer Jack Good interested in the group. Jack had produced beat shows, like “Six-Five Special” which had been the stepping-stone to success for artistes like Cliff Richard. But Jack was also in demand in the States... and he’d gone there to further his own career long before Bob could get any decision from the telly-folk.

Brian, having eventually assembled all four Beatles in the same room, put his propositions to them. He went through a process of brain-washing, though he did it all very tactfully. He didn’t like their manner of dress. Wasn’t knocked out by the unruly hair-cuts. Was singularly unimpressed by the way they casually drank tea on stage while in the middle of shows.

He pleaded with them rather than ordered them. He knew they were a valuable property and he was knocked out at the way their personal following was growing through the Merseyside area.

Said John: “He’d tell us that jeans were not particularity smart and could we possibly manage to wear PROPER trousers. But he didn’t want us suddenly looking square. He let us have our own sense of individuality.”

He added: “We respected his views. We stopped champing at cheese rolls and jam butties on stage. We paid a lot more attention to what we were doing. Did our best to be on time. And we smartened up, in the sense that we wore suits instead of any sloppy old clothes.”

It was a master-plan. A long-term plan if necessary but it was aimed at making the most of four young men who clearly had that star quality in them... even though a recording contract was still more than nine months away.

Obviously, Brian Epstein’s main job was to get the group on record. He knew the strength of their popularity in Liverpool and he felt it wouldn’t be a hard job to interest some of the London companies. But that was where Brian was wrong.

He even delayed any sort of action until the results of the 1961 “Mersey Beat Poll” were announced. That came up at the end of the year. And the Beatles were high and dry in top place in this important survey of how the public felt about the myriad groups operating in the scene. Said Brian: “I thought this was the ‘Open Sesame’ to the recording scene. I felt that Liverpool was important enough to have London executives falling about to sign the boys. I was wrong...”

Brian, though technically still in charge of important parts of the family business, threw himself into the job of getting the Beatles known nationally. He had the backing of the Beatles’ parents and it was to be no holds barred for the major break through.

He started visiting London. Hopefully. Optimistically. But record executives showed an alarming tendency to register non-committal gloom. Brian had to keep reporting apparent failure to the boys - by now riding higher than ever in popular acclaim in Liverpool.

Cont’d next month in No. 6