#i just think it's complex and nuanced and that's why i'm not trying to shame anyone about this based on opinion

[uncanny-tranny]

So I saw this show I used to watch as a kid on a streaming service, Hoarders, and it's about, as you'd assume, people who compulsively hoard.

When I watched that show as a kid, I remember how you were invited to almost... judge these people, "Oh, how could you live like that?! I'm glad that's not my house..." and I remember this shock factor that sunk you into the episode, at least in the early seasons.

I think it's a product of the attitude we have about these sorts of things. When I look at that now, all I see is trauma, people who are suffering, and then essentially being shamed on television, no less. It just feels like watching somebody at their lowest for an hour, recounting trauma, disability, loss and grief, mental illness, and so many things.

[queen-rhaenyras]

If you don't like the idea of Gale being a father in YOUR game with your Tav or just with any character in general, then, girly by all means don't headcanon it. But actively trying to gatekeep the character, by shaming those who do, well....why be an asshole?

So listen, Gale girlies who want Gale to be a dad, (if this doesn't apply to you then scroll). Gale absolutely has dad energy. I've seen a lot discussion about the "I'm not exactly father material" line he says during act 3 and I'm not the first to say this, but I'm here to remind you that you can't take everything the companions say at face value, because these are complex characters and it's not always black and white. As others have said before, Gale not only has the orb in his chest at the time, but the tadpole, and your situation with him is uncertain and unstable. Of course he's not going to think of himself as father material in that moment. Why? Because it's something so far out of his reach. Gale has a lot of self-esteem issues, and I can definitely see him wanting to be a dad in the future, but unsure if he would even be a good one, but once he is a father, being the absolute dad of dads. Also saying you're not "parent" material, does not automatically equate to "not wanting to be a parent." These feelings can exist separately.

If I do recall, I did see a scene where Tara mentions something about Gale starting a family? Gale finding normalcy and having the things he could never have with Mystra makes perfect sense for his character, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Gale can definitely be seen as a father and would make a great dad. The people who claim so boldly that he wouldn't want children with Tav, are just projecting and they don't see these characters with nuance, they just hear the character say something in the game, and just decide with a gold medal in mental gymnastics that (you're mistaking his "dad energy" for "mother energy" which is actually just "malewife" energy) and spew their own biases out in "hot take" posts with every intention of ruining things for others. It's mean spirited, and should be ignored.

I see you all with your cute little headcanons, naming your Tav and Gale's children, and some of you with amazing fan art. I've seen you draw your little Tav/Gale families. It's precious and it's sweet. Keeping doing what you're doing, and don't let the gatekeepers bring you down. Seeing Gale as a father is perfectly valid.

K. Bye.

[pastxlscorp]

Palia Character Characterizations/Impres.

(impres. is short for impressions btw! also big ass rambling)

I started Palia the other day and I'm amazed it's free. Aside from some obvious glitches, the game is pretty good and it's on par with some games that charge money. I've been doing some quests but I'm not too far into the story, but I have some strong feelings about some characters. This might not have a big fanbase but if there is only one fan, I am one! I'm just gonna give some first impressions and how I headcanon some characters personality wise based on other impressions of them from the villagers n shit. You should try it out if you already haven't!

Nai'O:

STARTING OFF WITH MY ANNOYANCE FOR THIS MAN. I know a big controversy with him is that he's in a monogamous relationship with another villager (spoilers: Kenyatta) yet he is still a romancable character. Although in his culture it is normal to have poly relationships, he has some pretty inconsistent writing (im gonna get into this more later with Reth). He argues that Reth flirts with everyone, which he clearly is annoyed by, but if he falls in love with the player, he actually is fine dating both you and Kenyatta depending on your dialogue choices. Seems inconsistent that he would get pissed at Reth while he was over here flirting with the player. ALSO— Kenyatta literally calls Reth hot, so she’s not even fully loyal to him either. He seems aware of this, since it honestly sounds like his disliking of Reth is more jealousy than anything. I personally don’t see the significance of having the two of them date monogamously if they’re clearly open to poly or having an open relationship. Aside from that, he's a very sweet villager who I knew I was gonna like from the start. Farm boy himbo that knows what he's doing until it comes to social cues. Romance him if you wish! He's a sweet boy who wants what's best for his family but aside from that, he's a fairly simple character. As far as I've explored the world and quests, I haven't found any deeper nuance or lore with him since his family is pretty wholesome. Nothing wrong with simplicity, but I love characters with a little more complexity and nuance since there is so much more to dive into, analyze, and admire.

Reth:

my boyfriend First impression was how this man was a flirt. It's pretty heavily implied imo that Reth is a womanizer and sleeps around. His boss, Ashura, mentions something about Reth likes having his nights free and Nai'O blatantly just says this man flirts with everyone in proximity. I find the beef between him and Nai'O interesting, as it implies either Reth is jealous of him or dislikes him because he considers him cowardly for hiding his relationship with Kenyatta. When Nai'O sends you off on a quest to deliver something to Reth, he calls Reth "loverboy" and he calls out him and Kenyatta for sneaking around and also Hassian's love poems. This is kinda reiteriated when he makes a comment about Hassian's love letters being not-so-secret. He's aware how he's an obvious flirt, which I find admirable. He does not give a fuck about how anyone perceives him and is open about it, which is why he shames the other two for sneaking around with their romance lives. In another quest, he makes another comment about stealing Nai'O's muscles. Initially I thought he was interested in Kenyatta but I think him flirting with her is more of a rivalry between him and Nai’O. Amongst the villagers, they are the two canonically best looking, which is an interesting dynamic. It makes sense why Nai’O would then be pissed off Reth was flirting with Kenyatta, as he knows she does find him attractive. I headcanon that Reth is one of the few characters that would be romantically interested in the player even if they didn’t romance him because of his voicelines. Some of them are like “uh oh, gotta go uh…” and he’ll make up an excuse to leave sounding flustered. Reth, to me, is one of the more complex characters because of how much shit goes unsaid with him. He comes off as very easygoing because he's stressed because he has a hard time saying no and ends up lying, which gets him into a load of shit. His small talk is really sweet though, I like to headcanon he's flirty so the (spoilers) cartel can’t tell who he’s close with. I'm currently romancing him and one other man! I really find it cute how he sweet he is to his sister. Bold move to abandon the family careerline (especially since he is I think the only dude in the village who is not carrying family tradition) and he knows all eyes are on Tish (his sister) because of it. It's cute that he only cares about how people talk about him when it impacts his sister. I assume this is why he usually takes all the shit the other villagers give him because he knows it would go on his sister otherwise. I felt so bad bc I actually didn’t cover for him in one of his friendship quests because I thought ashura would’ve figured I was lying. In Reth’s letter, he writes if you covered for him or didn’t and says there’s no hard feelings and that he was using the free time he got to spend with his sister. I’m sorry pookie 🥹

Hassian:

Really liked him at first, but he became unlikable really fast. He's super attractive if you're looking for a black cat boyfriend or a tsundere, but it gets old quick. He comes out rude even when he's trying to be nice and in real life this shit would be so toxic. In game reasonably it's more tolerated but it just is not my cup of tea. I'm usually a sucker for dudes with this archetype too since it's just nice to see people soften up and get comfortable, but Hassian just can be overbearing. I was leveling up my friendship with him and he sent a letter saying "You'll probably freeze to death without my help, so take this. You'll thank me for it later." like lil bro fuck u. Jokes aside, I'm not a fan of the fact he's romancable mainly because it's revealed later on (spoilers) that he is in love with another villager, Tamala. It's lowkey fucked up because there is a whole quest where you have to deliver one of his letters to her and if you deliver it to her on the first try, she laughs at his letter, showing it's clearly not reciprocal, at least anymore. On his romance quests (I searched it up bc I got curious) she admits she led Hassian on because she wanted a fling and he wanted marriage. I felt so bad for bro but lowkey he brought this shit on himself. Tamala affirms what I'm arguing because she explains they broke up b/c of his "sour" demeanor. Again, cute on paper, but if you don't write any development it gets old fast. It kind of even feels like you're a rebound for Tamala. I do like that the villagers know he has a soft spot for Auni (one of the 2 children villagers) because he always plays with him. This could have been a great premise for character development but unfortunately it just does not go anywhere. I know there's a reddit thread complaining about Hassian's lack of development and another for Nai'O being in a relationship and romanceable-- if anyone's is interested in reading more.

Hodari:

First impression: dilf. I'm not crossing that out I'm being honest. I instantly wanted to romance Hodari but honestly as I kept playing he lowkey came off as such a dad and then I realized bro is in fact a father. If you want a dilf, go for it. But if you have daddy issues like me, you're gonna look at bro in a different light when you get to know his character. His lore is pretty fucked up but it's sweet he's trying to look out for his kid, just the way he goes about it is not the best. I did really like one dialogue in idle chat with him that he admits he knows his daughter sneaks out and he doesn't say anything about it because he knows he can be a helicopter dad sometimes. I'm still debating as of now if I'm gonna romance him or not but I haven't seen any red flags with Hodari as of yet, just that he's reasonably a little closed in and dry, but he's not nearly as hostile as Hassian.

Jel:

bros side profile is immaculate. my HUSBAND. Loud and proud bro. At first I genuinely did not fuck with him because he was so mean initially. He made it sound like you were a peasant. He develops quickly through small talk though and it's so cute, like he easily became my favorite. He goes on night walks and enjoys the beauty of literally everything: some of his favorite gifts are insects and shells. He finds everything potential of beauty. He's a little corny when he's greeting you (he'll talk abt how you brighten his loneliness bc he's so dramatic) but I adore it. Also call me odd but I find that when a man has a girl best friend, immediate green flag. His relationship with Tish reminds me a lot of me and my best friend I adore it SOOO much. I'm in the process of romancing him and BRO I found out through youtube tutorials that if you're romancing him and someone else he comes to your house and tells you "If you were trying to keep this from me because you thought it would affect things between you and I, you're wrong. I'm a big boy. I know how to share." WHAT? WHAT? WHAT. Anyways I would 100% recommend romancing him I see no flags if they are any, red is my favorite color. goodnight.

[dropintomanga]

Berserk's Continued Popularity and Trauma

I often keep up with what's selling in the manga world, so it's not a surprise that I check out ICv2's Manga Week when the site posts up interviews and insights about the industry. What caught my eye this time was Kentaro Miura's Berserk still being a top-seller and a top manga franchise in the English-speaking side of the world.

How popular is Berserk right now? It was the top manga franchise of Fall 2023 beating out everything that was either Shonen Jump, Junji Ito or Attack on Titan. The Deluxe Editions have sold well for all of 2023, especially the first edition (which contains Volumes 1-3 of the series). It helps that Dark Horse Comics, the North American publisher for the manga, has been promoting the Berserk Deluxe Editions non-stop. Even when they didn't announce anything new at Anime NYC last year, Dark Horse made a huge note about the latest Berserk Deluxe Edition that would come out.

I think it's great that Berserk is getting a lot more attention (especially after Kentaro Miura died) because this is a story about trauma and how we still carry the wounds of it at times.

In my opinion, Berserk is a story about people trying to overcome their own trauma - one caused by interpersonal relations. Ultimately, it's about three people in particular. Guts, the main hero who falls into despair after his experiences in the Golden Age Arc and has to deal with the curse of constantly being hunted by monsters beyond his imagination. Griffith, the antagonist who once had admirable dreams, but fully gives into darkness after going through painful torture and is the main source of Guts' trauma. And Casca, the strong heroine who becomes a victim of Griffith's desires and mentally shattered as a result until recent events in the manga. The connection between all three characters says it all - sometimes, the trauma caused is not from strangers who are "dangerous," but those closest and dearest to us.

Berserk is so relatable because we carry on the weight of whatever personal trauma we experienced without realizing its hold on us until it becomes apparent. The worse thing is we often have a very hard time talking about it.

Around 2021, I heard about a certain book about trauma that took during the COVID pandemic. It was Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score. Originally published in 2014, the book blew up for good reason because COVID forced everyone to confront issues kept hidden for a long time. Van der Kolk talks about how horrible people can be to one another and that psychiatry seems to ignore the complexity of trauma when it comes to helping its victims.

Because of the nuance and how long it takes to heal, maybe that's why we can't talk about trauma easily.

Which is why I want to get to this point - I sometimes find it hard to talk about Berserk because of the sexual violence and horror aspects. Yes, fans love to call it the GOAT and/or recommending the manga to other manga/Western comics fans. But I will say I can't exactly recommend Berserk to anyone who's experienced trauma, especially sexual trauma. If they haven't come to terms and/or processed their pain, why would any manga fan shove Berserk in their face? I know there's heavy debate about microagressions and triggers, but just because it's critically-acclaimed doesn't mean it's for everyone.

I will say that the sexual violence in Berserk is used in a way to highlight the brutality of the real world at times. It serves its purpose in the story. Maybe I feel that Berserk is about acknowledging the dark side of life. The world is full of absolute cruelty. And maybe more importantly, you never fully move on. That's the key point. Moments that hurt will stick by you for a long time. People love to shame others for not being able to move on and/or cheer up. They don't know how trauma forces its victims to stay still out of a realistic yet unhelpful fear of certain kinds of people.

But you can still move forward. I'm admired by Guts fighting in the face of despair. He embodies the belief that you probably can never move on from whatever emotional pain you experience and that's okay. At least take the steps to make your own life worth living. It's the best you can do for yourself.

And a good start to moving forward is accepting the bad thoughts. I recently read how positive thinking is pushed so hard to promote better mental health. Some positivity is fine, but there's so much pain in this world that all the wellness industry strategies in the world will never make go away. It is a huge problem when we're told to grit and grind while suppressing our inner-most vulnerabilities.

A lot of people can't handle that kind of vulnerability. Maybe that's why I'm happy that Berserk is being discovered by new fans. Guts is a strong yet so very vulnerable hero. I think it's those vulnerabilities due to his trauma that allow him to gain some very good friends (Puck, Farnese, Serpico, Isidro, and Schierke) along the way who genuinely care about him.

We all want someone to acknowledge our pain and be willing to sit with and stick by us through the neck of it all.

I remember a friend who once told me that when they went to see someone perform, all of their grief and vulnerability was so apparent that they wished that they didn't need to air it out since a lot of people can't handle it. I told them I can handle it and they said that I was built different.

Much like the popularity of Berserk these days and what I hope the series encourages, I want my difference of being able to sit with trauma to be the norm.

[transhawks]

your last meta abt enji is very interesting and nuanced. i think its the closest one to what hori is trying to say that ive ever read. im one of those ppl that can relate to touya and dabis anger so i dont relate to whats going on with endeavor. like in the beginning his atonement felt to me like humiliating shoutos, reis and eventually dabis characters, and i still cant find myself caring for enji. but tbh so far theres no malice in the way hori writes it so lets see where it goes.

Thank you.

I just think there's a lot of resistance to the idea Touya might love/want his father. It's definitely not the... idea we had years back. The Dabi reveal(s) threw a lot of fanon out the window as to Touya's backstory and motivations and I think a lot of people have trouble moving past that too because it also means looking at Enji a little more.

But also, and I want to be clear - the vast majority of people opposed to Enjidemption and anything that goes with it are people who are abuse victims. That's why I respect that so many people are upset by this narrative. It upset me too. I have a very complex relationship with my own folks, and come from a culture with an enormous amount of mandated familial closeness (divine-ordered) and guilt/shame if you don't follow through on it, so I get the emphasis on ties with your parents being important no matter what that certain cultures like to impose. I understand wishing, wanting, some reassurance that our reactions to our abusers are fine - that we don't need to allow them back into our lives if we so choose.

But I also think it's important to note that the Todoroki family is complex! Not everyone has the same reaction to the abuse! I'm pretty sure if Natsuo hadn't been pressured by Fuyumi he might have cut off Enji completely!

Victims do not all think the same (which MHA does do well in showing), do not all want the same things, do not all have the same feelings in regards to their abusers. It kind of hurts when I see people take an extremely severe stance on this because as much as I can hate Endeavor-defending, a lot of time when it turns to criticizing Horikoshi's choices, it skews or nears hating on victims who choose to have contact with their abusers or complicated relationships with them despite admitting to the abuse. Or to those who, despite everything, still feel some love for their abusers (aware we are, that the love we get back is a conditional mimicry of the love we wanted). It goes into victim-blaming; "if you were strong and correct you'd cut contact and condemn them." or "if you really genuinely were abused you wouldn't still be there".

Again, I acknowledge that those of us who don't personally favor reconciling with abusive family have the short end of the stick when it comes to societal views. And there's nuance; some of us love our parents but cannot have them in our lives.

Abuse is complicated! Trauma makes for irrationality and inconsistency in thoughts and feelings, heck, just mere human existence does that too!

But yes, I don't think it's malicious on Horikoshi's part or him "misunderstanding" abuse as I've seen said for years on here. That charge never sat right with me given the consistent theme of child abuse, especially the focus on over-bearing patriarchal figures throughout this work and in Horikoshi's other works, I think we should also acknowledge all of that is coming not from Horikoshi misunderstanding abuse, but forming his own interpretation through likely his own experiences of it.

So, yeah. Shit's complicated and didn't go the way many of us hoped - but we can still sympathize with the anger at being rejected and discarded by a love one, even if we won't like the ending to this story.

Edit: I wrote this a few years back, but there's no shame in dropping BNHA if the Todoroki narrative and likely resolution are too triggering to you as a victim of child abuse or survivor of sexual assault. Take care of yourselves first.

[fromchaostocosmos]

I know that nuance is not the most popular thing on this site with large portion of its users, but I need to get some of my thoughts and feelings out. So I'm going be doing so using nuance and Dialectical Thinking.

For those who do not know Dialectical Thinking is one of the pillars of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and it is the concept that two or more opposing thoughts and/or feelings can be true at the same time.

Using this I want to about my thoughts and really my feelings about a lot of the stuff I'm in regards to Henry Kissinger's death.

To be clear I do not in anyway condone anything he has done, want to diminish the pain and trauma he caused, the impact his choices have had, or whitewash his history.

With that all said I will begin: (Each indention set is meant to show a thought/feeling)

Henry Kissinger is/was a bad person. The things he did are repugnant and immoral. According to the very morals and ethics I hold for myself and use as my guide that is true. Being that I am Jewish and hold to Jewish values, ethics, morality, and philosophy to help shape me, using those metrics he is deeply immoral, unethical, cruel, and vile person.

*

I can understand why those impacted, hurt, traumatized, affected by him and his choices are happy he dead, even celebrating his death. This does not bother me.

*

I am deeply uncomfortable seeing so many people celebrate the death of a Jewish person. Especially the one that compare him to a demon and/or say he will be in Hell because of the history of Jews being called demons, told we will go to hell, told we belong in hell, the long xtian antisemitism of Jews being servants of satan, etc as well as Jews often having our Afterlife stripped from us.

*

The way that predominantly white people on both the right and left doing this weird stanning and reverse stanning (stanning but instead of loving/liking it is hating) of real people gets so creepy and makes them not treat the people like are real and thus their is nuance and complexity because people are complex (this is not me condoning any people of immoral and unethical actions). There is just so much all or nothing thinking/black and white thinking rather trying to see the whole picture. Like take Trump for example. To one side he is perfect and can do no wrong and on the other he is evil bad man. Now I don't think he is good person by any means, I think he should be in jail. I also think he deeply insecure person, and someone who is very petty, and is kinda pathetic. He is someone who should never be allowed near any real power. It is a shame he never got therapy early on in his life it would have done him wonders. But as horrible as person I think is, I don't think is some evil mastermind. I think that he surrounds himself with sycophants. I think that a certain amount of the policies and beliefs that Trump pushes comes from sycophants who are savvier then him and have certain agendas they want. We saw that with Roe v. Wade's overturning. I'm highly doubtful that was Trump original idea.

I do not have a conclusion just some thoughts and feelings that I needed to get off my chest. I am open to hearing what others think and/or feel all I ask is that everyone try to respect each other, do not whitewash Henry Kissinger impact, and do not use antisemitism. Thank you.

[pseudofujo]

Hello Everyone!

My name is Jo, and i am the sole curator of this blog. This post will serve as both an introduction to me, as well as clearing up my intentions with this blog.

Let Us Begin!

So, to start, I should introduce myself.

As stated before, I am Jo! I use he/him pronouns. I identify as a binary gnc gay transgender man, though my identity itself is more complex than that(that isn't anyone's business, though.). My main account is @radspeon

I have always been interested in BL(boys love) content(also known as yaoi, though that is a more outdated term now.) to a certain extent. Recently, however, my interest in it has grown exponentially, and I decided to create a separate sideblog to post exclusively BL/yaoi-related content.

Intentions, Disclaimers, Et Cetera.

This blog will definitely showcase some problematic content, as most yaoi is, and I would like to make it clear that I don't support any unsavory themes that may appear in the media I talk about here. I am not a proshipper, nor am I an antishipper, I am in a neutral ground where I recognize that censoring art is bad, even if it is unsavory, while also recognizing that things like pornography depicting child characters(drawn, written, or otherwise) is bad.

I believe that the current 'shipping discourse' debate is silly, and refuses to take notice of the literary context in which many of these unsavory and problematic themes are handled. Proshippers and antishippers are very similar, except the core difference is that proshippers see the unsavory themes in a given media, and decide to take it at face value as a good thing and thereby romanticize it. Antishippers take unsavory themes in a given media and decide to take it at face value, much in a similar way to proshippers, but instead decide that the unsavory theme is unnecessary and pornographic on the authors part. That is my observation and opinion on the matter.

I acknowledge the poor quality of the representation in most classic yaoi series, and loudly laugh at it. This blog isn't meant to be serious, as the way I'm writing this may mislead you to believe. My URL is from a joke post, for god sake lol. This is why I have employed the #good rep and #bad rep tagging system, because I know how terrible many of these anime's/manga's are about representation. I'm a gay man myself, I like to believe that I can recognize good and bad representation, though I highly encourage other gay men to correct me if I ever miss things that count as bad/good representation in a given media.

Do not bring "who can participate in consuming/creating mlm media" discourse here.

I mean it, don't. I understand that you think you have a shiny new point to bring up about the conversation that you'd adore to talk about, but I'm telling you that,

No, you don't.

Even if you did, I do not want to hear it.

This blog is for everyone to enjoy, MLM media is for everyone to enjoy, we should not try to limit the consumption and creation of MLM media to just gay men. It's ridiculous to try to restrict artists to your standards of the "correct creator."

I realized I was gay and trans through reading BL manga as a child.

If we shame people who are not (currently) gay from reading/watching mlm media, they may never realize that the feeling of relation that they're feeling isn't just a want for a significant other.

Oh, and while we're on what I believe,

mspec lesbians and gays are valid, gnc trans people are valid, xenogenders are valid, neopronouns are valid, he/him lesbians and she/her gays are valid, non-dysphoric trans people are valid, people who use outdated terms to explain their own nuanced identity are valid, etc. etc. etc.

If you want to argue about this, do not be surprised when I block you.

TERFS, transmeds, exclusionists, all of you, get lost.

Blog URL Changes

yaoilover17473929-94747 --> pseudofujo (08/21/2023)

[salsa-and-light]

Why do you invest so much time ranting at people you don’t even know or care about? You have no intention of opening your mind. You don’t care about what they think. So why keep coming back to them?

What an unusual and strangely combative ask.

The truth of the matter is that I often don't even have to look for conflict, this is tumblr, people with no reading comprehension often create the fights for me.

In that case I suppose it's my instincts from being a teacher that take over.

But I do criticize homophobia and transphobia where I see it, I doubt that I'm actually changing many minds but if I'm able to unsettle some homophobes in their prejudice.. I see no reason not to.

Prejudice survives by isolation and it is propagated by repeating it. So maybe I can't actually get a dyed-in-the-wool bigot to come to a nuanced understanding of why anti-Queer prejudice is immoral; but if I can inspire a little bit of shame or paranoia I might be able to reduce the chances of them actively spreading those prejudices around in front of vulnerable or impressionable people.

Part of why I like discussing the Bible in relation to homophobia is so that a lesser-known perspective can be seen. It can be quite impactful if all you've ever known in the church is hatred and disgust. And I've already done all this legwork to learn all this information about translation and semantics.. so I might as well share it.

I think it's generally healthy for these conversations to be happening, many people lack the adult capacity to have a disagreement while understanding that their "opposition" are still thinking breathing people with functioning minds.

I'm generally a pretty amicable person and, while I don't consider an openness to learning bigotry to be a virtue, I'm very convincible. I've had my mind changed many times and sometimes I even tell detractors what would convince me(not that they usuall care to listen but that's another matter).

But I also won't pretend that I don't find these sorts of discussions fun, I like talking about complex ideas, especially with my friends.

Like I said I think that this is a healthy thing for all people to do, I do think that there are benefits to it, but I also consider the language and the presentation of ideas to be potentially fun creative endeavor.

I also learn a ton.

Gosh you'll never learn so much as you do while trying to answer other people's questions.

I know so much more about history, linguistics, sex-ed, biology, statistics, just because I was trying to verify the ideas that other people said.

So in that sense my mind is changing all the time.

I just like to talk and think and learn, if I can help out a bit too all the better.

If nothing else, my words per minutes is very good.

[deneveve-is-lost]

No offence but 2018 heathers isn't actually bad and I think if you find it to be "bad" you've missed the point. I think a lot of the backlash came from people being unwilling to think critically about their own behaviour and worldview, because you refuse to believe that your behaviour could be wrong as long as you're doing it for the right reasons and you refuse to believe that Heather Chandler could be anything but evil and a bully.

I haven't finished the series but I just watched Mcnamara's suicide scene and it resonated with me so personally because it evoked the exact same feelings that I felt when I walked through the gate after spending hours trying and failing to get hit by a car and my dad was cleaning the fucking pool, he'd seen the note, and he was cleaning the fucking pool. I felt everything she felt, I knew exactly what it meant, and I have never seen a piece of media understand how suicide actually feels so perfectly, at least the way I experienced it. It's working up to some brilliant points about identity and performative activism and the purpose of the kind of tumblr cancel culture activism Chandler embodies (probably why y'all refuse to give it the time of day, it's being critical of you), Chandler shames Ram for wearing a racist shirt and posts it on social media so that he'll cop a ton of backlash and hate and suffer for it, Veronica thinks this is excessive and going to ruin his life but the moment Chandler is gone? Ram starts chanting violently racist bullshit about murdering first nations people. He was never the victim, just an asshole who was being kept on a leash.

The Heathers weren't popular because the other students genuinely accepted them and thought they were the ideal standard, they were popular because Chandler was social media famous and could threaten them with cancellation if they stepped out of line, and without Chandler the other two immediately lose their social status and start being victimised for being minorities. But Chandler was still just a privileged teenager with all the internalised biases that come with that, she says problematic stuff and bullies others for trivial reasons, she's uncaring and selfish and unnecessarily harsh on anyone she deems worse than her, but she's miles better than the next "Heather" (not actually a heather in this version), who takes over and allows racism and transphobia and misogyny to run wild with the exact same amount of selfishness.

These are complex issues the show raises and I think it is absolutely worth watching past the first episode. I'm almost convinced the first episode is awful on purpose, because the remainder of the series seems to be set up to deconstruct and correct the worldview set up by the first episode, and I believe this worldview is reflective of Veronica's, as a very privileged 17 year old who isn't at risk of discrimination the way the others are.

I honestly think the 2018 version understands the point of the original film far, far better than the musical did, while the musical is fun it totally strips away all of the nuanced ideas and cleverness and teenage cynicism of the original film and dumbs it down into a standard mean girls style teen drama bullying story with a bit of murder sprinkled in. The major point about people (particularly adults) not really caring or noticing or understanding is almost completely missing from the musical but is a major point in the 2018 series.

Anyway those are just some rambling thoughts from someone who spent years talking shit about it and refusing to watch it, now I feel a bit stupid and kind of regret not giving it a chance. I genuinely really like it and I'm very impressed how much it surprised me.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Do you think animorphs would do well condensed into like, four or five long novels? I feel like the sheer amount of books can be bewildering to a modern audience even if they're so short. I'm a warrior cats junkie so i'm used to it, but if the story was rewritten slightly i bet perception would change a lot

That is a very interesting question, and I think you’re right that if the series came out today it’d be six giant books rather than sixty-odd mini ones.  Sort of like Percy Jackson or Septimus Heap.

I think a six-book series would make the most sense because then you’d be able to keep the rotating narration — one of Animorphs’ greatest strengths — and you could have one book for each of the kids.  Which then begs the question: what story would each of the kids tell?

Ax’s Book: Might make sense to put first in the series.  I get why the original marketing team was hesitant to start with the alien protagonist, but his story is so much about becoming an Animorph that I think he makes sense as a first narrator.  So his story could start with the sequence where he says goodbye to Elfangor and then ends up crashing to Earth.  From there we could get some of the events of #8 with him trying to phone home and discovering in the process that the andalites aren’t quite the saviors he took them for.  Then we could get a plot similar to #18 where Ax is forced to choose between andalite and Animorph loyalties (maybe with bonus elements of #38 thrown in) and ultimately decides that he’s an Animorph first.  It would be a great way to establish the team as a team for the rest of the series, and a chance to convey some important exposition about the whole war between the yeerks and andalites.

Marco’s Book: Would probably cover the Visser One plot.  So the timeline on The Decline and Fall of the Edriss Empire would have to be massively compacted to make it one story.  Which is a shame — I think we lose a lot of nuance if their story isn’t spread out over the course of three years, and if we don’t have Visser One’s and Visser Three’s relative statuses driving a lot of the other plots.  On the other hand, that change could compress a lot of the semi-redundant parts from #15 and #30 into one story, as well as a lot of the semi-redundant parts of Visser and #45.  So there’d be one sequence where Marco finds out about Eva being Visser One’s host, one sequence where the Animorphs help Visser One at Visser Three’s expense and the Yeerk Empire becomes convinced that Visser One is a traitor, and one sequence where the Animorphs end up charging in to rescue Eva from Visser One’s trial.

Tobias’s Book: The hork-bajir plot, of course.  Honestly I think that the events of #23 could easily become an entire Septimus Heap-sized novel without bringing in anything from any other books, just because the plot with Toby and the plot with Elfangor’s letter are both so rich.  However, it could easily loop in some of the events of #13 in order to help establish the hork-bajir, and give us flashbacks to the highlights of The Hork-Bajir Chronicles to give us a sense of the broader scale of the war.  I think the A plot of this book would be the hork-bajir and the evolution of the Animorphs’ complex alliance with them, while the B plot would involve Elfangor’s letter and maybe some of the sequence from #33 with Ax teaching Tobias How to Andalite.

Cassie’s Book: Should probably come somewhere in the late middle of the series, because she’d be alone for a lot of it.  Her story could focus on her relationship with Aftran, including elements of both #19 and #29.  Maybe it could open up with something like #9 with the kids stopping a logging effort in the woods, then go into Cassie ending up separated from the team and forced to rely on Aftran like in #19, culminating in their alliance.  That could launch the plot with everyone getting sick (maybe Ax picked up andalite-flu while looking for Cassie in the woods?) and Cassie going to save Aftran from the yeerk pool alone.  Heck, maybe things could get really interesting at the end if Cassie lets Aftran morph and then makes the mistake of loaning the morphing cube to a different yeerk, who takes it back to the Yeerk Empire and kicks off the plot of #50.

Rachel’s Book: Would be picking up in a very different place from most of her canon narration, if most of the events of #1 - #50 have already occurred.  However, I do like the idea of placing Rachel’s story right as the yeerk threat massively escalates, because so much of her story is about balancing her occasional excesses of violence against the need to do whatever it takes to keep her friends alive.  That means Rachel’s story could cover many of the events of #37 and #7 against the backdrop of an army of morph-capable yeerks who are using open warfare in mass infestation efforts.  We could see a lot of Rachel’s struggle in #41 and #52 with tending to rage against everything that moves, only now with the complicating factor that that might even be a proportional response to the situation.  I love the idea of the climax of the book following #7, with the kids destroying the ground-based kandrona and Rachel trying to figure out if they did enough to make a difference.  Maybe the very last scene of the book could be that conversation with Jake about the final battle plan, only this time we’d get to see Rachel’s thought process as she makes that decision.

Jake’s Book: Would cover the final battle, and most of the story leading up to the final battle.  I love the idea of the book opening on Jake recruiting James, and having most of the emotional core of the story be about that relationship.  There could be so much delicious painful irony if Jake’s stepping into a big-brother role for the Auximorphs while simultaneously planning Tom’s murder.  From there, we could see the final battle play out mostly how it does in #51 - #54, with recruiting the taxxons and dealing with the morph-controllers’ rebellion and preparing the Auximorphs and getting human allies and fending off the andalites’ well-meaning genocide.  Things could play out more-or-less how they do in canon.  It’d be awesome if (much like in the original series) we also get a good long sequence of the book just about the aftermath of the war, with Jake quietly keeping tabs on his team as they spread out and struggle to adjust after the battle is over.

Obviously the story would have to leave out a lot of elements — David, the Ellimist, the chee, most of the Chronicles, over half the plots — but I think if you’re going to do six big stories, then sacrifices must be made.  There would also be a lot of necessary reordering of events if the books are trying to achieve a single story for each of the kids, but I think most of the major beats could be kept intact.

[hikari-ni-naritai]

I finished 5.5!!! It was very nice, they gave respect to all the leaders and groups which was great, though the bits with Zenos made me appreciate his "relationship" with you a little more, I'm just tired of killing to kill being his regular activity.. I know it's all fictional and he's a villain, but characters so callous about human life inherently disinterest me, I guess? It's like, if you can't even respect basic life why would I think your mind is interesting in the slightest... BUT I still remain optimistic at least, hahaha. Also Lyse is much less bad than in SB, though I might've been more harsh on her cause the story just did not work in SB, for me at least, haha. Will try to keep you posted if you like!?

Please do! I'm glad you liked it!

I will say anon, I think it's a little closed-minded of you to have no interest in characters just because they don't respect human life. That's extremely valid in real life, like I would not tell you to go pick the brains of Republicans, but like, fiction is an exploration of so many different types of people, it seems a shame to limit yourself. Badly written characters I understand, like I don't have any interest in marvel thanos "killing half of all life is good somehow" bullshit but like. Zenos intrigues me because he's the product of royalty of a nation that values conquest above all else. And he could've easily been just another puppet of the regime, some fanatic loyal to garlemald who would die for the flag or whatever like we have in America, but instead he's like. He doesn't give two shits about garlemald or the throne or the king or racism against the savage nations beyond the border. After seeing the superiority complexes of Nero and Livia and gaius and every other garlean we'd come across before stormblood, seeing zenos, actual garlean royalty, have absolutely no loyalty to the empire?? It's just. So good to me. Genuinely looking back should've been the first clue that the empire was on the brink of collapse.

And like, if you look at the motivations of characters who don't value human life, I think you get a pretty wide spread. You've got 'mankind is a virus' types, 'I'm angry and want to kill everything' types, 'I'm evil for no reason' types, but I think zenos stands out from the crowd in that his motivation is 'I'm empty inside and I'm searching for something to make me feel alive'. I'm rambling at this point but. I just think zenos gets a bad rap from people who don't look any further than "man who wants to kill me for no reason overdone trope". He's so much more nuanced than that.

Either way I do hope you can keep an open mind about him in endwalker! Have fun anon! Love u! 💙💙

[novelistash]

Wattpad & Twitch?

I saw the term Writeblr. Am I a Writeblr? Is Writeblr a page or a person? Well, this Jon Snow has been dipping their toe into the wide world of Wattpad. Any other writers on there? Drop your links! I've been reading stories live on Twitch, and it's been a lot of fun! There's a lot of lost talent there, as with all writing spaces, but it definitely needs some help finding air to breathe.

Why did I decide to read Wattpad stories live on Twitch? Read more. (I hope I'm using this feature right.)

About two and a half years back, I decided that it was time to stop dragging my feet and get traditionally published. (Well I try to get trad pubbed.) I knew that Twitter would be the place to promote and Wattpad would generally be the place to share, but I also knew those places would be full of competition. November was coming up so I thought, "why don't I live stream Nano? That'll be fun." It wasn't.

As much as people don't want to read, they definitely don't want to read while an author is writing. Twitter had a very small writing community then and I haven't seen it get any more popular. Which isn't to say it couldn't get popular, but I don't think it works as a way to GET an audience. I could talk about those who've found moderate success, but if I'm going to do that I'd like to talk to them and maybe interview them. Something I've considered putting on my ghost town of a YT channel.

Regardless, I was on Twitch for about a month. I never gained any kind of following and every viewer I saw on those channels were people like me, those who were trying to promote their own writing. So, yes, I could gain followers of other writers, but I couldn't build a brand that way. I had too much experience with similar platforms to think otherwise. If I wanted to get readers, I needed to be on the platform that readers were using.

That lead me to more or less wasting two years on Twitter. I mean, I met some cool people while on there and had good interactions. But was it good for my brand? Did it help me find readers? I'd say a resounding "no" on both parts. The funny thing about Twitter is that it's great at making you think that people care about you. Shit post about a bad day? Hundreds of replies. Link to a blog going into detail about that bad day? Now you're starting to see how little people actually care. At some point I can go into the nuances of my time in the trenches of Twitter, but the point is that it didn't help my writing career.

For me, the biggest problem with Twitter was the same problem with all writer-centric spaces: we are sellers without customers. I like to describe these spaces as towns of vendors. We each have our vendor stall set up, and see lots of people walking. This is great! That means there are customers! Except all of those people walking on the street are also vendors. They're only there to sell their own wares. Yes, there's mutual inflation and reciprocal commerce, but writers make a poor basis for a readership. If someone is selling eggs, they want to sell to bakers, cooks, and the common man, not their fellow ranchers.

Regardless of fame and fortune, I want a readership. I write for myself, yes, but once those words are on the page, I want someone to read those words. I've been writing for over twenty years by this point and during that time my perspective has almost always been, how do I get readers? It's a natural question to ask, but it's driven by selfish desires at its core. I think for the writers of today, the bigger question might need to be, "how do I get people to read?"

The larger problem with readers, is that there aren't that many of them. If there are ten billion eggs in a town of a hundred, most of those eggs are going to rot. And even though most everyone knows that the general public doesn't habitually read, there seems to be this stigma against talking about it. Ever since I started writing, the talking point has always been "people thought comics would destroy the novel, but it didn't."

Okay, so, there are still readers, but could you say that a majority of the people read? Comic books, television, movies, and video games all offer more senses than the written word. They offer experiences that books never can, so why would anyone choose to read a book when they could instead watch that same story play out on screen?

Well, the written word can actually offer things that other media can't. In general, novels are closer to the emotional landscape of the story. Books invite the reader to be a part of the creation process, rather than a passive observer. The lack of a spoken word or portrait lets the reader construct whatever voice or face they desire. Beyond all of that, readers tend to spend more time with a book than any other media. (I'll hold off on a thorough debate of the narrative quality of iterative gameplay loops in video games for the time being, but I'd be hard pressed to find someone who enjoyed Preston Garvey's procedurally generated missions more than any of the designed quests in Fallout 4.) The point is that the written word is not without value, simply that its qualities are losing appreciation.

That's where the idea of reading stories came about, not as a way to increase my visibility, but as a way to increase the number of readers in the world. Opera single handedly created a boom in book sales by doing little more than talking about books. I think that modern entertainment can take interest in reading farther. Podcasts and Twitch streams are filled with content that is actually dead air, but people will tune in and listen. They connect with the player, the streamer, the speaker, and they are content to be apart of somebody else's discovery. A big part of what makes Twitch successful is simply watching these personalities react.

Wattpad is literally an endless supply of new stories that are available for free online. For some, anything that isn't traditionally published is a book not worth anyone's time. But there are hundreds of thousands of people submitting entire novels to literary agents every single year. Statistics alone supports the idea that great books are not going to get the representation they deserve. What are those thousands of unpublished authors supposed to do with their novels, wait patiently for exterior validation?

I don't think there's any shame in self publishing a novel and Wattpad and platforms like it are a perfectly reasonable way of putting out that content. Is there under edited content on Wattpad? Of course, but can anyone in good faith say the same isn't true of all published works? Yes, some writers are just starting out, and they dump their content onto Wattpad, but I don't understand why that's immediately a reason to balk. The writers liked the idea enough to bring it to life. Sure, finding a way to manifest those ideas is complex and difficult, but I honestly believe that a first body of work can still have an unironic entertainment in them.

I've been streaming on Wednesdays from 10am-noon pacific time. I might change that moving forward, but right now it's looking like I'm only going to be adding more time. If you're interested in joining me for story time, check me out on Twitch.

https://www.twitch.tv/ashnovelist

[amoralto]

I've been reading your posts from the past year, and I have to ask: Why do you even do this blog? Why put so much time and energy into writing about Paul's relationship with somebody you don't like? I'm serious here. Every snippet you post about John, every comment you write about him, is critical. If you truly believe John deserves all the blame in the relationship, while Paul is the sainted victim, you have a right to your opinion. But I think the truth is much more complex.

My spontaneous and simplistic response to this ask is that I am very surprised, and that I honestly find it difficult to see how one could glean a clear and obvious (even glaring, as you imply) bias against John or in the dynamic of his particular relationship with Paul. Not in the last year’s posts - which appear predominantly to consist of scattered anecdotes and accounts from varied sources, and clips of John’s own measured and matured introspections - and certainly not in the several previous years’ - which host a cornucopia of John’s best and bad sides, often concurrently.

I am still rather shy about how far I raise my head above the parapet in this place, but I’ll try to be clear as I can on this apparent bias that you suggest, and the closest I have to a stance: I stand myself definitively and decidedly apart from any factioning that may occur in this fandom/community. Not above, just apart. I am not in the “Anti-John” camp. I am not in the “Saint-Paul” camp. I am not in the “Witch-Yoko” camp. I am not in the “Ungrateful-George” camp. I do not weigh anybody in the Beatles or around them in currencies of blame and what they do or don’t deserve. I do not reduce them down solely to their so-called worst tendencies, nor do I ignorantly glorify them by their so-called best.

And I would like to argue that I have not, in this blog, if I felt I could muster a better argument than just pointing out old posts to you, like the ones personally (pathologically) written (waffled) by myself, which have gone into kaleidoscopic (deathless) account about John and Paul alone and together, and how it’s less about victims and villains and easy delineations and more about the entanglement of preoccupations and issues and enabling/disabling behaviours of both parties, pushing and pulling, for both positive and detriment, from both sides. Because that may just come across as passive-aggressive, and I don’t wish to be, especially when I’m unsure where exactly anon is coming from.

You seem to be expressing a frustration with how people in this story are painted within parts of the fandom and without it, how John/Paul can tend to be deified and vaulted where another can tend to be John/Paul demonised and disregarded, which is one I am entirely in commiseration with. I’m frustrated with it too, immensely. But I have to express my surprise at being the brunt of this (and even anxious dismay, if only because I’m an emotional basketcase and wracked with imposter syndrome and doubt over my own competency of credibility).

I agree, truth is complex, as it is also often unwhole. The contents of this blog have, foremost, been about multiplicative perspective and dimension. It has been about complexity, and deconstruction, and reflexivity. Account and empathy. Critical and not condemnatory judgment. Just as human beings are multi-facted, the examination of them (and reexamination) has to be as well. Now, as the curator of materials and very occasional writer of “meta” or “discourse”, my own latent thoughts and interpretations and even speculation will seep into any lofty ideals of neutrality inevitably. I am aware of and understand this, viscerally, which is why I make (or like to think I have made) appreciable efforts into maintaining a balance while also expanding scope.

I source and archive and then have myself and others who browse the blog to try to derive corroboration and context and further speculation from there, but sourcing and archiving first also entails documenting any manner of opinions and accounts that I may not necessarily agree with or believe by people whom I may not necessarily find reliable in one or another particular context, but which I nonetheless determine is intriguing or important as a point of view, as a point in time, as a facet of the vast frame. Intrigue does not equate to endorsement. I provide contextual description on such posts, off and on, sure, which can at times be conjectural, but for the most part I refrain from opinion and if anything try to stress not jumping to conclusions. 

And this is what still makes up the vast majority of the posts on this blog: quotes, anecdotes, interviews. Scattered, inconsistent, varied. And for all that I try to maintain an overall balance of perspective in the content, I can’t deny that my actual logistical posting habits are imbalanced, which is another thing which may have impressed negatively/wrongly upon anon - crucially, that I don’t unfortunately space the posts out evenly by “content perspective”, where a negative anecdote about somebody will be followed up immediately by a positive one. I just post things as and when I’ve looked them up, or finished working on them, or such. I may read a book and post a few quotes from it, successively, and then perhaps a clip I’ve just transcribed, and then a video a friend of mine requested that I found I had in my possession. I’m not operating on any ingrained biases, Amoralto’s Active Agenda For The Day, I’m just operating on what I have in my possession and capacity to post at a given time.

And perhaps this is a real fault on my part that I can take into hand, that I should try to be more evenhanded in my dissemination, but – basically, if a few consecutive posts that seem to be critical/negative of John or any other particular person at one given point in time is what has convinced you of some untoward bias of opinion I may hold, then I can only say that this is not the case at all.

You talk of the time and energy I put in - if I didn’t love John, and any of the Beatles for that matter, I would not be spending all this time into finding more facets for the frame, acquiring more vantage points, searching for nuance. I’ve even discussed in this blog before, more than once, about affinity and relatability, and about how I can relate to John’s emotional hedgings and compulsions (and the other Beatles for that matter, in other ways, for other reasons). I don’t like myself very much for all kinds of reasons, but it doesn’t make me project upon John for reflecting some of my more shameful tendencies back at myself, or further embolden his; if anything the relation only fosters better understanding of them because I can see more clearly how things can spiral and have repercussions that were not entirely meant at all, well or ill, and I can see why it would be entirely valid for John to feel this way in that circumstance, or do this with what little he’d perceived to receive, and on. And this applies for Paul and the others as well.

I’m not sure how to conclude this, so – this is my general case, anon. I think the least we can agree on is that I am a little more familiar with what I post than you are, and can thus speak with more about authority about them. I have tried going over my own posts with your eyes and have failed to see the same criticisms you do, and I can’t hope that you will see things from my perspective when you read this either. However, I do hope it will at least have broadened your perspective in some way, if it hasn’t changed your mind about me or the opinions I appear to prescribe.

(… And you know the phrase “paranoid troll logic” is meant in the most exasperatedly fond and not at all sneering way, right? I’ve tagged Paul as an “emotional disaster ocean” before too, I do not consider emotional disaster oceans remotely saintly. I allow myself to be glib and cavalier every once in a while, because the Beatles story can be so existentially absurd at times; I would hate for it to be interpreted as a deride.)