#i just wanna keep playing so i can keep telling bailey to go fuck himself every week

[sophiethewitch1]

Just played degrees of lewdity for the first time and got vored by a whale???

[analiavs]

In Which Harper Loses His License Chpt 4

I'm not gonna lie, I wrote this in a day. But honestly being an unemployed college graduate hits different.

Words: 1796

No Smut but PC does act like a creep to bully Bailey.

Semi-Timeskip: People are adjusting or not adjusting to the changes

m!bull!PC wants to get his lick back against Bailey

The world as he knew it had turned. The endless corruption and fornication of course hadn’t changed, but now it was as though it was woven into the genetic fabric of the islanders themselves. He’d even seen Robin having sky sex with his bird brethren and Alex gleefully gangbanging lurkers. All things that never would have taken place without Harper’s intervention. That wasn’t to say he wasn’t an eager and active participant 

All in all, he was content with his life on the farm. Being one of Remy’s personal bulls had its perks. And while spending his days spitroasting Remy with Wren was satisfying for him, there was one loose end he wanted to tie up, Bailey. The reason he had allowed himself to be captured by the farm in the first place. 

He felt that long dormant rage awakening again. The money was never enough and he’d needed an out. Out of all his options, the farm had appealed to him the most. Especially because all he had to do was obey and for the most part he was left to his own devices. Tall and muscular enough to fight off the stray farmhands and a cock that hypnotized Remy even before his transformation. It was a no brainer. 

But with every milking session, every examination, every photoshoot, every single blade of fucking grass he’d ever ate his resentment had grown. He wanted to get his revenge. He’d heard that since the upheaval, Bailey had been left floundering. Harper had somehow enchanted the orphanage to only allow in children, creating a self-sustaining commune. A safe haven for them at least until they transformed. He was almost jealous, but he really had found contentment with his life. He just wanted a little revenge against the person that had forced him to live it. 

He’d heard from his former housemates that nowadays Bailey skulked around the flats, so he would start there. Just as he was thinking of a justifiable reason to head into town the soft tinkle of a bell got his attention. His little cow just about had him pavlov’d. 

“Babe can you take moo to my yoga class today? Wren bet me I wouldn’t make it on time and I wanna win. Please.” He shook his hips and tail cutely, like he would ever refuse his darling. Last week he’d been caught by one of Briar’s semen farmers and nearly been dragged to the brothel before Wren managed to rescue him. 

 “Of course sweetie, I wanna pay someone a visit at the flats, so I’ll tell Wren to pick you up.” Wren had given him the perfect opportunity and they did need to make sure their sweet cow didn’t get abducted again. Before the fall, Remy would have had no problem defending himself or been foolish enough to be far from his bodyguards. But the rules were different now.

“That’s fine, I’ll probably go shopping after, tell him to pick me up from the shopping center.”

“Yeah, that works.” In town Remy would probably be fine. And he knew Wren would be keeping an eye out regardless. He wondered what new trinkets Remy would be coming back with. He went and found Wren, who was playing cards with some of the other bulls and told him. Since he was taking Remy through the shortcut, it would be fine if Wren took the car to pick him up. Which was safer for both of them. 

He returned to Remy to find him in a cow-print tube top and tight black leggings. The little bell tinkled as Remy teased him. And usually he would have at least let him give him a blow job before they left, but he wanted to save his energy. He settled instead for a heated make-out session and handholding while they walked. 

++arousal 

It was a nice walk, Remy prattled on about the new fruit trees he was going to have the cows plant and the recent vegetable harvest. Instead of exploiting his cows, they’d started a cowdom. They traded their milk with Briar, but instead of their production only benefiting Remy they’d been reaping the benefits as a community. It was nice. Those that embraced the change seemed better off.  When they reached the studio he gave him a kiss and watched him enter. 

It had been so long since he went into town. A weird miasma hung over the town, but he found he didn’t mind it. Though if he stared too long into the fog he could see tentacles squirming.

++awareness, ++stress

He headed towards the flats. There was a bridge now. He was almost curious about other changes in the town, but he was single minded in his purpose. When he reached the flats he saw some familiar faces. 

“How about matching collars, that way everyone knows y’all are my good boys!” Maurine had naturally been changed to be a succubus and was dressed the part. 

“Oh Mistress, that’s a great idea. But shouldn’t mine be special. Please…” Kylar was… definitely still himself. His tail wagged excitedly behind him.

“You should be the one wearing my collar. Remember you’re my bitch” Whitney whined despite his tail wagging excitedly behind him.

“But I want everyone to know how good my boys are.” She coo’d petting both of them. Both their tails wagging enthusiastically at the attention. All three of them were already dressed like a ridiculous band of bdsm enthusiasts. Leather, spikes, o-rings everywhere. Collars were probably the least of their style issues.

They’d always been an odd trio, but if they were happy. Maurine glanced back to see him and made eye contact. She froze before crying out, 

“You’re alive, oh my gosh where have you been. When you went missing and never came back we all assumed the worst.”

“I moved to the underground farm, I had to escape Bailey. Do you know where he is?”

“That bitch? He lives in the apartment with the lotus door. He tried to keep extorting us after the fall, but nobody gives a fuck about money anymore. Ooh what about cock cages?” Stopping mid conversation to talk to her partners. Their horrified faces were almost comical, but knowing Maurine she was dead serious. They were definitely the exact same freaks they’d been before the change.

“Oh I love the idea of a collar, can it be pink, Kylar’s can be purple.” Whitney immediately tried to deflect. It worked. She gushed over the idea immediately.

“My favorite colors ooh Whitney, that'd be so cute. Oh yeah, Bailey’s like totally powerless now. He just hides out all day. You could probably catch him now, just don’t break the picket line.”

“Trust me, that’s not what I’m here for. Be well.” He dismissed himself from the conversation. Just as well, Whitney had started grinding himself against Kylar and he could hear both of them moaning. He picked up the pace as he walked away. 

- - -status

He searched the flats for Bailey’s apartment. With door knobs as his only lead he had a lot of ground to cover. He heard people fornicating all over the building. Before he’d moved to the farm, he’d tried doing some odd jobs here. He’d made some money, but his employers had always wanted special services. Eager to take advantage of his desperation instead of paying full price at the brothel. The reminder further incensed him. He’d been searching for nearly an hour when he finally came across the door he was looking for. 

He knocked firmly on the door, the knob shook with the force of it. He heard the sound of scurrying, then the door was yanked open. Finally he was face to face with Bailey again. Now he was a fox, and he looked skinnier than he remembered.  But despite his appearance, he knew the evil within.  

“You! Your back, you know how much money you owe me. I-” He interrupted before Bailey could get too far into his rant. 

“Yeah, I guess I do owe you. Without you I wouldn’t have the life I have now. Why don’t I make a deposit, consider it my thanks.” He couldn’t help but smile at the relief that came over Bailey’s face. But the second his words sunk in he took a few shaky steps back and tried to run. He was still stronger and faster than Bailey on his own, so in a few steps he had his former caretaker pinned beneath him. 

“That gun of yours won’t help you now, no goons to intervene either. You're helpless, just like I was. Don’t you want to see how much I’ve grown.” He laughed, rutting against Bailey’s ass.  Scared yips answered him. 

“Let me go, bastard. I should of sold you off when I got the chance.” He snarled before rearing back and biting him hard enough to draw blood. He took the opportunity to run out the door. He laughed chasing after him, being the aggressor for once was exhilarating. He chased Bailey out the flats into the streets. Once he made it past the bridge, Bailey started screaming for help. 

“Eden, Eden help me. Eden!…” He kept shouting for Eden as he kept running. While he doubted anyone was coming to help Bailey, he didn’t want to risk his fun coming to an end. He picked up the pace and tackled Bailey onto the ground. 

“Ede-” He used his hand to cover Bailey’s mouth, cutting him off. The anger in Bailey’s eyes was cathartic. He wouldn’t actually touch him, he just wanted to rough him up a bit. 

“Aw, wouldn’t you like to be one of my cows. I’d treat you right.” He heard Bailey’s angry wheeze underneath him and nuzzled him gently. Out of nowhere he heard a bullet land next to him. He sat up and looked to see where it came from. At the corner of the road was a tall dog-man pointing a rifle at him. He put his hands up staring at the man. Immediately, Bailey took the opportunity to run behind the man, burrowing himself into his side. He took the opportunity to look smug at …Eden’s side. 

+ + + stress

“You know I hate coming into town, Bailey. If you can’t protect yourself, you must want me to do it.” Eden said, strapping his rifle to his back. Before reaching his arm around Bailey’s waist and lifting him over his shoulder. He heard Bailey squeak and whine as he tried to free himself, but the man walked away indifferently. It was a shame that his fun had ended so abruptly, but he wasn’t going to risk his life over a game. Besides if the way the man had dragged him off was any indication, that was a loose end cut. 

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET S3 EPISODE 1 + 2 RECAP!

Yayyy! Season 3! Finally! I’m hoping this season will make me understand/sympathise with Akito and maybe even Shigure a little bit more because... honestly? My opinions on episode 2?... I might get some flack for my opinions on them...  😬

But, first: I’d like to appreciate how on the Funimation app we got a little interview/message from a few of the english dub VAs! Specifically Colleen Clinkenbeard, Jerry Jewell, Eric Vale, Ian Sinclair and Brina Palencia (Akito, Kyo, Yuki, Kureno and Isuzu). And it was nice seeing some of their opinions of the characters they play and how much they’re emotionally invested in the story. (Ian’s such a nerd ‘I wanna see giant mechs later this season’ 😂 - I lowkey stan him lol)

You should definitely check it out if you’re interested in what they would have to say!

ANYWAYS, let’s get into it...

---------------------------------------------------------------

EPISODE 1

I really love this depiction of the original zodiac and how you can just tell from the tone of the scene how desperately the God of the Zodiac was clinging on to these connections that they had with the participants in the banquet. How much they clung on to and loved the cat... Also, interesting how Tohru’s narrating this scene... almost like she can relate to the desperation of wanting to keep things the same... but we’ll get to that later. But also, Tohru is a God

This new opening is beautiful, I love the way that camera moves around the still illustrations and how the general tone just hammers down that... this season is gonna be some real shit lol (which makes me nervous for the opening for the second half 😳). It’s so warped and the general blue, grey and black tone that follows around every Akito scene we get in the anime has bled into every scene in this opening concerning the rest of the zodiac. Almost... like something is decaying. It’s great, it’s just very sad lol. I love the song tho, issa bop.

One of my favourite things in stories is when we get a bigger villain than the ‘pronounced’ villain of the story. Ren’s introduction through a manicured outstretched hand towards Kureno and Hatori is so weirdly gross in what it insinuates (especially when you apply her connection with Shigure) but again... I wanna know why she’s such an asshole to Akito specifically besides the bad mental health management within the Sohma compound. I have an inkling of what it is through memory of the manga, but like Akito and Shigure... I just wanna understand why.

Also, Ren is gorgeous and I’m sorry for simping. 

I mean... she’s kinda got a point? She just didn’t need to be so mean about it lol. It’s pretty clear that the connection the zodiac have to each other is real and something they cannot control. BUT, wouldn’t it be easier if this connection wasn’t perpetuated by outer circles of the family and if Akito herself wasn’t so cruel about it? But, I guess Akito - through her relationship with her mother - kinda doesn’t know how to genuinely show love and affection. (Which brings me into my thoughts of how the manga ends and how I kinda... have a few problems with it which I will get to... when that comes lol)

Lol - weeeeeeeee! (flashes back to Tohru being yeeted into the river). Is this a part of Akito’s god-like powers?!

Again. She’s got a point! They’ve both got a point. But, they’re both the source of the problem. It’s really painful to see two mentally ill people duke it out. This whole institution is just rotten.

- I am super curious about what Akira’s relationship was like with the zodiac and if it was just as dark. I’m gonna assume it slightly already was, as the exclusion and degradation of the cat curse is already dark in itself but maybe the rest of the zodiac were just fine with how things were? I dunno if we actually will get the full backstory of Akira and his zodiac but I’m definitely intrigued

Ok, but if four crying children came up to me after I’d just consummated with my partner to reach out at my stomach chanting ‘we’ve been waiting for you’. That would disturb me and scar me for a while too so... 😂. I know it’s supposed to be ethereal and spiritual but... dude, wtf lol

...I don’t like how much I’m into Ren being such a Villain™  😅

- Akito being seen as a crying child by the older zodiac members has always been interesting to me because yes, they could see her as that through mainly the age gap, general empathy and the way she sometimes irrationally acts out. But, also the depiction of Gods being seen as children having tantrums has being reflected in many different beliefs and myths (especially Greek Mythology) and I just like the fact that this all powerful, all knowing being would be compared to a child. It gives you a different perspective on power.

- Is the paper note in the CD case that Kureno gave back to Tohru an extra addition or was it always there?...

Mannnn... I really wanted Isuzu to fuck shit up after seeing Tohru so upset but... *le sigh* (outfit’s still on point)

But, I’m so glad we get an equal Ethereal Goddess to save Tohru! HANAJIMA! We love her, we stan her. <3

- ‘Tohru will be in my custody’ 🤣 I personally think Hana’s bluntness was a kindness in her conversation with Yuki because if I found Tohru upset? I’d automatically start firing metaphorical shots at everyone in that house

- Shigure fearing Hana makes me sleep better at night <3

Hana’s just like ‘hmm... sounds like someone I know... 👀’ I’m here for this parallel between Tohru and Kureno in the hopes that Tohru doesn’t ever get in as bad a situation as Kureno. Ahhh... Kureno... (Also, Laura Bailey was killing it in this scene as always)

- Hmmm... there’s something terribly poetic about Kyo saving Tohru’s scarf from oncoming traffic... but also, Kyo can’t help himself aha

KWEEEN! I love this look for Uo, it’s very Kyoko. I already said this in Season 1 but I STILL need to get wool-lined jacket. Outfit Appreciation goes to her - 3.5 stars.

<3<3<3 Friendship is magic!

- Megumi is such a good egg as always! From him going to get Uo to him being so wise with his outlook on love and how it takes time to really flourish. The best!

- This whole episode ends really nicely from Tohru’s return home and Kyo washing and returning Tohru’s scarf and Yuki being happy to see Tohru and Shigure being somewhat decent. It was nice to get a bit of relief after the tornado of emotions

Also, this was a nice screencap! Even Kyo is smiling!!! :))))

EPISODE 2

*takes sip of wine* ...ok.

👀... later lol

This scene really highlighted how Tohru is starting to see Shigure and the whole zodiac curse in a new and darker way. For the first time, it felt like Tohru was a little bit more guarded around Shigure and I hope they delve more into this season. Her description of her feeling around the curse being like a ‘dark well with no bottom in sight’ is pretty spot on. Ugh.

Aw! Is this the last we’re getting of Small!Momiji?! I love them :3 (Momiji’s shorts look a little shorter too, like he’s growing out of them ahaha)

- I haven’t found the Yuki fan club funny since their first scene in the anime but their poor disguises made me chuckle

- Yayyy! Kyo has an obsessive fan club too? ...Yay?? 😅 haha

- ‘I won’t kill them but they can go to hell’ why is Kyo speaking like me?! 😂

The fact that we got a scene of Yuki kinda admirably looking at a group of friends (boys and girls) playfully physically interacting and he unconsciously reaches out to Machi almost like he forgot about the curse? Heart eyes... 🥰

Again. Relatable. 😂 God, Yuki. You really are an airhead. Bless your soul. <3

And that look says it all. Damn. Kyo’s sense of hopelessness is heartbreaking but I still stand by it being understandable considering his circumstances.

Kyo freaking out about Tohru being visually upset was super cute but I couldn’t even appreciate the fluff because the whole scene had such a morbid tone to it, despite it being so visually romantic:

KYO’S FACE!!! 💔 Ahhh, my emotions!!!! Also, that shot from Tohru’s perspective under her bangs is great.

- Poor Mitsuru, I’d ask for extra pay just for dealing with Shigure’s ass.

Hahah - what a great metaphor!

- Now that Shigure’s ‘true form’, so to speak, has been fully exposed all his comments that are supposed to be teasing come off so much more awful. Him insinuating Mitsuru wasn’t ‘upper class’ enough for Ritsu was awful

COLLLDDDD. AS. IIIIIIICE. But seriously, Shigure this whole episode was cold in many different ways but I definitely felt this personally since I’ve been told something like this by a family member before... 😕 Also, it’s just gross how both Shigure and Akito are taking their own personal issues and mistrust of each other out on to other people. The curse and the institution behind the curse complicates a lot of feelings for sure, but there’s a difference between wrong and right and I get the general feeling that they both are just using the muddy waters to their advantage. Although, I feel like Shigure is taking more advantage of this than Akito but I’ll get into that in a bit.

- There’s also something about this episode that made me sympathise a lot more with Kureno in a more understandable way. But, it also makes me question the ending of this whole story and the resolutions that happen and what life for the whole Sohma institution/family looks like after the curse has broken.. I guess, I should read ‘Fruits Basket Another’ after this, huh?

😳... Shigure is so petty, man. Really?!

So...

I hate this relationship. I’m sorry. I know there are loads of people who like this relationship. And I’m still giving myself space for the show and the story to convince me why it’s worth it. But... I really don’t like this relationship. It’s so toxic. In so many ways. And in a weird way, this scene made me feel a LITTLE bit more for Akito than Shigure. It feels like Shigure gaslights everyone in his life but none no more than Akito, herself. I hate the fact that he keeps saying he loves her while hurting her or disregarding her. You know, almost like he’s treating her like a child. But on the other hand, I hate the fact that Akito has lowkey gaslighted herself into thinking she can treat people however she wants because she is ‘God’. I understand this is part of the way she was brought up and it seems like life in the Sohma compound has been very isolating for her so there’s been no one really to show her better (or have the confidence to show her better). But, at least I can be a little bit more sympathetic on her side than Shigure’s. I dunno... it’s just all very ugly and toxic and I’m hoping that it’ll turn around somehow.

I just hope it’s not one of those relationships that are ‘so good cos it’s so bad’.

...I’ll briefly talk about the ending theme to end this on a good note lol:

I really like this ending! I dunno if they’re gonna have two endings and two openings for this season but this ending definitely feels like it should’ve gone in the second half as it’s almost spoiler-y? But, then again what anime opening and ending isn’t packed with spoilers lol

All the illustrations are gorgeous, I’m assuming they were drawn by Takaya-sensei herself as it seems very much in her current style of artistry but my favourite illustrations are definitely the ones shown above! <3

---------------------------------------------------------

Ahhh! Fin! Sorry, about this one being super long and you probably having to scroll past a whole lot on your dash 😝 As usual, I had a lot to say. I’m open to hearing from people who actually like Shigure and Akito’s relationship btw, it’s just that everything before and episode 2 just really didn’t sail the ship for me, personally. I do want to understand! Haha

See you soooon!

[btsqualityy]

BTS Second Pregnancy Series #9: Guilt

29 weeks, or 7 and a half months, pregnant 

Author’s Note: So, this part is a little longer than usual because it’s about the guilt that many parents face during a second pregnancy. The guilt can range from trying to figure out to how to give an adequate amount of time and attention to all of the kids, to not wanting to take anything away from the firstborns, and everything in between. I hope you guys enjoy this part!

Kim Seokjin

“Daddy! Daddy!” Kaiden shouted as Jin walked through the front door of the house, and Kaiden slid down from his spot on the couch next to you to run over to his daddy. 

“Hey Chinny,” Jin chuckled, catching Kaiden in his arms and lifting him to squeeze him in a hug. 

“Are you done with work today?” Kaiden asked excitedly. “Can you play with me now?”

“I can’t Chinny,” Jin told him. “I just came home to get something that I needed.”

“Oh. Can we play when you come home at dinner?” Kaiden wondered.

“I’m not gonna be home for dinner tonight Kade,” Jin said and you lifted an eyebrow at that. “I have to be at the studio with your uncles.”

“Oh, ok,” Kaiden murmured and you frowned lightly when you saw the pout on his face. Deciding to step into the situation, you stood up and walked over to them, setting your hand on Kaiden’s back.

“I’m sure Daddy will play with you when he can, right?” You said as you looked up at Jin, who nodded in agreement. “Here, come to Mommy,” you said as you held your arms out and Jin handed Kaiden over to you. Jin then sprinted off up the stairs towards your bedroom, and you squinted your eyes in confusion. 

“Here, why don’t you stay here and watch your cartoons ok?” You told Kaiden as you walked back over to the couch and set him down. He nodded softly, watching wordlessly as you turned them on for him. After making sure that he was watching, you climbed up the stairs and walked down the hallway to your bedroom. Once you got to the doorway, you peeked inside to see Jin sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. 

“Jin?” You called and when he lifted his head, your heart felt like it was going to break at seeing the tears streaming down his face. You walked over to him, sitting down on the bed next to him and setting your hand on his back. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I just feel like a terrible father,” he sniffled and you remained quiet as you let him continue. “I barely have time to play with my son as it is and now that we’re having another baby, all I can think about is how both Kaiden and them are probably gonna feel neglected because I’ll have to split the little bit of free time that I do get.”

“Jin, it’s understandable that you feel like this,” you told him. “But you’re an amazing father. Yeah ok, so Kade was sad when you told him that you had to get back to work but he also looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky. Don’t let this one bad day make you feel inadequate, because I promise you that you’re not.”

“You sure?” Jin wondered. “You sure that they both won’t grow up to hate my guts?” He asked and you giggled because you knew that he was feeling better since he was being over dramatic.

“I’m positive,” you nodded as you reached over to wipe his face for him. 

“God, what would I do without you?” He wondered out loud and you smiled before he kissed you softly. 

Min Yoongi 

“Yoongs?” You whispered, reaching over and gently pushing his fringe off his forehead in hopes of waking him up. 

“Y/N-ah, I’m sleeping,” he mumbled, tightening the arm that he had around your middle and pulling you closer into his side. “You should be too.”

“I need to talk to you though,” you said. 

“Now? It can’t wait until in the morning?” He wondered.

“Well, it’s kind of been bothering me for a few days now,” you trailed off and Yoongi’s eyes popped open when he heard the shy tone in your voice. He moved his arm up so that it was underneath your head and he set his fingertips on your forehead, frowning slightly when he felt the frown lines there.

“What’s going through your head Min?” He asked you as he looked into your eyes.

“I’ve been feeling guilty,” you admitted and Yoongi furrowed his brows in confusion.

“For what?”

“For getting pregnant again,” you told him, making his eyes widen. “Lately, I’ve just been paying more attention to Kins and she has such a close bond with the both of us. I don’t want to lose that once Kamryn comes.”

“You won’t lose that Y/N-ah, you’re her mom,” Yoongi said.

“I know that rationally, but I can’t help but to think that Kins will feel like we’re just casting her to the wayside, you know? It’s always just been the three of us.”

“Oh baby,” he muttered, leaning over and pressing his lips to yours, kissing you gently for a few seconds before pulling away. “Kins loves you so much. Hell, even I’m chopped liver when it comes to her mommy. She won’t feel like we’re casting her to the side because we won’t let that happen, right?”

“Of course not,” you shook your head. 

“You’re fucking amazing when it comes to taking care of me and Kins, and you have been since the day that I met you and since the day that Kins was born. I’m more than sure that you’ll be just as amazing with Kam.”

“You really think so?” You asked softly and Yoongi nodded with a smile.

“I know so. And even on the off chance that I’m wrong, I’ll be right here to help you. So try not to worry about it, yeah?” He said and you nodded before leaning over to kiss him.

“I love you Yoongs,” you whispered.

“I love you more baby. Now, get some sleep Min,” he smirked. 

Kim Namjoon

“Mommy, can I have a lollipop?” Mason asked for, what felt like, the thousandth time in the span of 20 minutes. 

“Mase, what did I say when you asked me the last time?” You asked him. 

“You said no,” he replied. 

“So the answer is still no,” you told him as you picked up the laundry basket before turning around and walking up the stairs. Mason, however, was right behind you, not one to give up easily.

“But why not?” He questioned as the two of you walked up the stairs.

“Because it’s too close to dinner and I don’t want you to ruin your appetite,” you explained to him as the two of you walked into your bedroom, where Namjoon was sitting on the bed.

“But it won’t! It’s tiny!” He exclaimed.

“Mason, the answer is no,” you told him as you set the basket on the bed and before rubbing your swollen bump softly.

“But Mommy!” He whined loudly with a stomp of his foot and you whipped around to face him, a scowl on your face,

“Mason Bailey, do not start whining,” You hissed and Namjoon’s eyes widened, because you rarely ever raised your voice at Mason so he decided to intervene. 

“Mase, why don’t you go to your room for a little while ok?” Namjoon suggested as he got up from the bed and Mason looked up at him with a pout.

“Am I in trouble?” He murmured and you automatically began to feel bad for how you lost your cool when you saw the look on his face. 

“I’ll come talk to you in a minute ok? Just go buddy,” Namjoon said and Mason nodded before turning and walking out of the room. Namjoon then turned to face you, confusion written all over his face. “Y/N, what was that?”

“I’m sorry,” you immediately said, tears starting to rush down your face and Namjoon automatically pulled you into his arms when he saw you crying.

“No Y/N-ah, don’t cry,” he muttered as he hugged you tightly.

“This pregnancy just has my hormones going crazy and he just kept asking after I already told him no multiple times and I just feel like shit because I can’t control it,” you hurriedly explained and Namjoon just shushed you, his heart aching at seeing how bad you felt. 

“No, it’s ok jagi. You didn’t mean it and I’m sure he knows that,” Namjoon assured you. 

“I’ve been so short tempered lately, and I don’t wanna make him feel bad for being himself just because I’m hormonal,” you sniffled. 

“Explain it to him then,” Namjoon told you. “You know he’ll understand what you’re trying to tell him.”

“You think?” 

“You know how smart he is,” Namjoon chuckled. “Try him.”

“You’re right,” you nodded, pulling away from the hug to take a deep breath to calm yourself down while Namjoon wiped your face free of tears. “Can you come with me while I go apologize to him?”

“Yeah, come on jagi,” he nodded, reaching down and grabbing your hand in his before leading you towards Mason’s bedroom. 

Jung Hoseok 

“Daddy, don’t leave,” Lennox and Berkeley both said after Hobi as he moved to stand up from the couch in the living where the three of them had been watching a movie.

“Kiddos, I’ll be right back,” Hobi chuckled. “I’m only going to get us some snacks.”

“We come too,” Berkeley said firmly.

“No, you can both stay here and keep watching the movie. I’ll be right back,” Hobi told them.

“Promise?” Lennox pouted and Hobi furrowed his brow in confusion. 

“Of course Lenny. Why wouldn’t I come back?” Hobi wondered.

“You stay at BigHit a lot now,” Berkeley spoke up and Lennox nodded in agreement. Hobi sighed heavily before pulling setting his hands on top of both of their heads.

“Well, Daddy doesn’t have to go back to BigHit until tomorrow, ok? I’m all yours, I promise,” he told them and they both nodded in reply. Hobi then got up and walked into the kitchen, where you were indulging yourself in your latest pregnancy craving of pickles.

“Hey, what’s wrong with you Hobi?” You asked him, immediately noticing the frown on his face. 

“Have the kids said anything to you about me having to work more lately?” He questioned and you frowned lightly, shaking your head.

“Not anymore than they usually do. Why?”

“Because I was about to come get us some snacks to eat while we watch the movie and I said that I’d be right back and Lennox said ‘Promise?’. And when I asked why he’d say that, Berk said it’s because I’ve been at BigHit a lot lately,” he explained to you and your eyes widened. You put the jar of pickles in your hands on the counter and wiped your hands before stepping over to Hobi, setting your hands on his cheeks.

“Talk to me,” you murmured and he nodded, taking a second to get his thoughts together.

“I guess hearing them say that just scares me. Apparently, I’m not giving them all of the attention that they want or need and all I can think of is how we have Hendrix coming now and how the hell am I gonna give three kids what they need when I can’t even manage with two?” He said. 

“Hobi, you do give them what they need,” you told him. “It’s just that you’re their favorite person and they both love spending time with you. You go so above and beyond as their dad that they can’t help but to notice when you’re not here.”

“Really?” He asked wearily and you nodded with a soft smile, before leaning in and kissing his lips softly.

“Don’t you think for one second that you don’t give 110% to our kiddos every day, because you do,” you smiled. “And they love you so much for it and Hendrix will too.”

“Thank you Y/N-ah,” Hobi grinned, giving you another kiss. 

Park Jimin 

You were sat on the back porch of your and Jimin’s house, watching with a smile as Jimin and Noah ran around the backyard together. Since today was one of Jimin’s days off, Noah was insistent on taking full advantage of his dad’s free time and you were more than relieved to have the extra pair of hands around.

“Daddy, come back!” Noah shouted as Jimin walked up the steps of the porch, making him stop and turn around to face Noah.

“I’m just gonna take a little break mini me,” he told him. “Why don’t you go play in your sandbox for a while?” He suggested and Noah nodded before skipping off towards it. Jimin came over and sat down on the bench next to you, and you giggled at him when he sighed tiredly.

“God, where does he get all of that energy from?” Jimin wondered as he looked over at you. “I’m exhausted.”

“He’s been saving it for you,” you told him with a smirk. “He’s definitely not that hyper when it’s just me and him.”

“Oh, so he’s just torturing me then? Good to know,” Jimin nodded and you laughed at him before looking back out to Noah, who was playing with his toys in the sandbox. “He’s getting so big now huh?” Jimin said when he saw you looking at Noah.

“Yeah,” you nodded, sniffling softly and Jimin’s eyes widened when he saw tears welling up in your eyes. 

“Jagi, why are you crying?” Jimin asked as he fully turned to face you, his hands coming up to hold your cheeks as he wiped your eyes. 

“I just don’t want him to feel like he has to grow up since we’re having another baby,” you confessed. “One of my favorite things about Noah is how innocent he is and I don’t want to ruin that for him.”

“Us having another baby isn’t gonna ruin that for him jagi,” Jimin assured you. “He’ll still be our baby too.”

“I know but I don’t want him to think that he has to stop being his little soft self since he’s not the youngest in the family anymore,” you said. 

“And that’s where we, as his parents, step in,” Jimin told you. “We know Noah the best so if we see him doing that, we can step in and explain to him that he can still be Noah, you know?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” you said, reaching up and wiping your eyes while Jimin moved his hands down and grabbed your hands in his. 

“Trust me, mini me will be great,” he promised you. “His emotional intelligence is higher than the average three year old so he’ll be fine.”

“Thank you Jimin-ssi,” you smiled. 

“No problem baby,” Jimin replied, leaning over and kissing you firmly.  

Kim Taehyung

“Come on Spence,” you said as you helped her stand up in the bathtub. You grabbed her pink, fluffy bath towel and opened it up before wrapping it around her little body. You then lifted her up and out of the tub, helping her dry herself off. 

“Are you gonna do my hair tonight Mommy?” Spencer asked and you smiled, nodding your head. 

“Of course Spence,” you replied. “I think Daddy is in your room so why don’t you go ask him to help you put your pajamas on and then bring me your hair stuff when you’re done?” 

“Ok!” She exclaimed and you patted her butt twice before she went rushing out of the bathroom and to her room. After letting the water out of the tub, you walked out of the bathroom and down the hall into you and Taehyung’s bedroom, collapsing onto the bed and laying on your back. You had taken a nap earlier in the day but this pregnancy definitely was tiring you out more than you remember that your pregnancy with Spencer had and you couldn’t help but to let your eyes flutter shut. 

“Mommy?” You heard Spencer whisper and you opened your eyes, not even realizing that you had drifted off to sleep. “I have my stuff.”

“Oh, I’m sorry Spence, but Mommy is really tired,” you told her with a small yawn. “Do you think we could skip your hair routine, just for tonight?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Spencer muttered and you immediately began to feel bad after seeing the look on her face. 

“I’ll do it in the morning before you go to school, alright? I promise,” you told her.

“Ok,” she nodded before turning around walking out of the room. You almost wanted to follow after her and tell her that you would do it, but your body just wouldn’t let you. That’s why you just continued to lay in bed, until Taehyung walked in a little while later.

“Hey, she off to bed?” You asked him.

“Yeah, she finally drifted off a few minutes ago,” he said as he climbed into the bed next to you. He then propped his head up on his hand as he used his other hand to lightly rub your bump. “She seemed a little sad that you didn’t do her hair tonight.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” you groaned. “I felt so bad but I just get tired so easily now.”

“That’s understandable Y/N-ah,” he told you. “You did give her her bath and everything.”

“I know but she knows that I’m more tired because of Elijah and I don’t want her to feel like her routines have to change just because of him,” you admitted. 

“But they will change though,” he replied honestly. “We’re gonna have another newborn in the house now and it’ll take us a while to figure out to handle both of them together. We just have to make sure that we take the time to reassure Munchkin when it’s needed, that’s all.”

“And this is why you’re super dad,” you smiled, giggling when Taehyung leaned over and left a kiss on your nose. 

“Well, I definitely couldn’t be super dad without you by my side,” he said with a small smile. 

Jeon Jungkook

“Good night Angel,” Jungkook said as he tucked Ava into her bed while you watched from the doorway.

“Daddy, my light,” Ava whined and Jungkook nodded as he leaned over and switched on her nightlight. 

“There’s your light so go to sleep now, ok?” Jungkook said and Ava nodded, a small giggle escaping her when Jungkook leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I love you Angel.”

“Love you Daddy,” she replied before looking over at you. “I love you too Mommy.”

“Love you too Ave,” you smiled as you walked over to her bed and leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek. “Sweet dreams.” You and Jungkook both watched as she closed her eyes before tip toeing out of her bedroom and heading down the hall to your shared bedroom.

“God, I’m so happy that she’s asleep,” Jungkook groaned as he flopped face first onto your bed and you couldn’t help but to laugh as you sat down next to him. “Is it just me or does she get sassier every day?”

“No, she definitely does,” you nodded. 

“She’s taking after you,” he mumbled. 

“You say that as if it’s a bad thing,” you laughed and he just shrugged. The two of you continued to sit there silently until Jungkook suddenly flipped over, his eyes wide in realization.

“How the hell are we gonna handle the two of them once Aria’s born?” He wondered and you raised your eyebrows at him.

“What do you mean?”

“Ave can be a lot to handle, even though most of it is harmless but she’s still a lot. How are we gonna handle her and a newborn? And what if Aria is a hard baby just like Ave was? We barely made it through Ave’s first year alive,” he rushed out and you set your hand on his lips, silencing him.

“Kook, you’re ranting and you’re working yourself up,” you told him. “Calm down.”

“I’m trying but I cant help but to think about things like that,” he muttered lamely. 

“Kook, we’ll be fine,” you promised. “You’re right, we definitely struggled through Ave’s first year but we made it, didn’t we?”

“Yeah.”

“So we’ll be great with Aria too,” you smiled. “We have each other to lean on, and I’d say that you’re a pretty solid partner. Aren’t I?”

“Mm, I don’t know about all that,” he teased and you gasped playfully, smacking him in the shoulder afterwards. “I’m just kidding. You’re the only person that I would want to have help me deal with our bratty, sassy babies.”

“I feel like you’re shading me since you just said that Ava’s taking after me but I’m gonna ignore that,” you told him.

“I love you Y/N,” Jungkook said as he moved over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he laid his head in your lap.

“I love you more Kook,” you smiled, setting your hands in his hair and running your fingers through it. 

[calpalirwin]

Papa’s Job

Summary: Mason gets introduced to Ashton’s line of work.

A/N: Smushed a few ideas together. Also this piece delves deeper into Mason’s special needs diagnosis/lack thereof. And while I’ve done a fair amount of research both over the years for various reasons, and while writing this, I am by no means an expert, and my research is no substitute for personal experience. So please, feel free to offer constructive and KIND feedback in ways I can better write Mason. Happy reading!

Word Count: ~2k

And away, and away we go!

__

It seemed to Vanessa like wherever she turned, Mason was underfoot. “Fuckin’ hell!” she swore as she turned and almost tripped over the little boy.

Mason’s bottom lip trembled as he clapped his hands over his ears at her outburst.

She sighed and crouched down in front of the almost three year old, keeping a careful hold on Bailey who had been particularly fussy since her first round of shots the day before. “Sweet boy, you’re too close. I have the baby, we have to be careful.”

“Baie,” he nodded, reaching for his sister.

“You wanna hold her?”

Another nod.

“Okay, sweet boy. Let’s go sit, and you can hold Bai.”

Mason sprinted to the living room, flinging himself onto the couch. He grabbed the boppy and put it on his lap. “Momma. Baie.”

“Yes, Mase.” Vanessa said a silent prayer that Bailey wouldn’t kick up a fuss about not being in her arms as she placed the two month old on the boppy.

Bailey twisted her mouth to start crying, but Mason was quick to place his hand by her, her little fingers grasping around his slightly bigger index finger. “Baie, Baie, Baie,” he sang softly to her as she settled down.

“Bailey, Bailey, Bailey,” Vanessa sang with him, sitting down next to her son.

Mason continued to sing nonsense sounds at his sister, who slowly drifted off to sleep. Once Vanessa was sure she could move Bailey from Mason and upstairs to her crib to continue sleeping, she reached for her daughter. Mason whined low in his throat, placing his hands gently over Bailey. “Momma,” he warned in a low whisper.

“I know. I’m gonna go put her in her bed, sweet boy,” she answered back, her voice just as low.

Mason’s whine got more pronounced.

Vanessa pressed a finger to her lips. “I know you love her and want to hold her. You’re a great big brother, Mase. But sissy went night-night. You can hold her when she wakes up, okay?”

He pouted, but moved his hands away so Vanessa could take the sleeping infant. But clearly he wasn’t too thrilled at his sister being taken away because as soon as Bailey was in Vanessa’s arms, he chucked the boppy to the floor. “Mason Nicholas!” Vanessa hissed through her teeth as the toddler took off.

She held back the sigh, focusing on getting Bailey into her crib without more fuss.

Mason, in his quest to hide so he could continue to pout in peace, ended up at the top of the staircase leading to the basement. “Hey, Mase,” Ashton smiled when the little boy came stumbling down. He gripped the cymbal of his drum set between his index finger and thumb to silence it, setting his drumsticks aside. “Where’s Momma and Bailey?”

Mason jutted out his lower lip and pointed up the stairs.

“Aw, did Momma put Bailey down for a nap?”

Mason nodded. “Baie, Papa,” he whimpered.

“Aw,” Ashton chuckled, patting his lap. “Wanna come sit with me?”

He wiped at his face, walking over to Ashton and crawling into his lap. “Baie, Papa,” he repeated in a hiccuped sob.

Ashton wrapped the boy into him. “I know you’re sad. But Bailey needs to sleep. When she’s awake you can hold her some more.”

“Momma,” Mason mumbled.

“Yeah, I’m sure Momma did tell you the same thing. But it’s okay. You can still be sad about it.”

Mason let out a shuddery breath of acceptance before pushing at Ashton’s chest. Ashton opened his arms, expecting the boy to climb down from his lap. But to his surprise, Mason reached forward to tap his hands against the various drums, liking the sounds he produced. “Papa!” he beamed.

Ashton lit up like a Christmas tree. “Yeah? You wanna play the drums with me?” Ashton grabbed the drumsticks. “Look, bud,” he said, striking at the drums.

Mason laughed with glee at the sound, clutching on to Ashton’s wrists.

“Here, you try,” Ashton said, handing Mason one of the drumsticks.

Mason looked at it in uncertainty and back at Ashton.

“Like this,” Ashton demonstrated again.

Mason copied what Ashton had done as best he could.

“There ya go! Just like that!” Ashton encouraged, shifting Mason so that the boy was on one his knees, freeing up his other leg to kick up a steady beat against the bass drum.

“Mason?!” Vanessa’s frantic voice called down the stairs. “Ash, is he down there with you?”

“Yeah, we’re down here, baby.”

She came flying down the staircase, halting at the bottom, eyes wild as they landed on Mason sitting happily on Ashton’s lap playing with the drum kit. “You scared the crap out of me!”

Ashton’s own eyes went wide. “Me? What did I do?”

“Not you, him!” She pointed a finger at Mason. “He got mad that I put Bailey down so he took off to hide. I thought he went to hide in his room. Fuckin’ damn near tore the house apart looking for him.”

“Whoa,” Ashton eased, standing up and adjusting Mason on his hip. “Take a minute. He’s been with me. He’s fine.”

“Yeah, I can see that… Here, I’ll take him back upstairs.”

Ashton waved her off as Mason squirmed in his hold to reach for the drums. “Nah, I got him, it’s fine. We’re having fun, aren’t we, bud?”

Mason smacked on the cymbal with his stick, giggling at the sound.

Vanessa’s heart melted. “Alright. But, you, mister Mason,” she said, wagging a finger at the boy. “We do not throw things when we are upset.”

“Uh-oh,” Ashton tsked, looking down at the boy in his arms. “Momma’s right, Mase. Throwing things isn’t nice. What do we say after we do something that’s not nice?”

“Momma!” Mason grinned, blowing Vanessa a sloppy toddler kiss.

She crossed over to her boys, kissing Mason’s cheek. “I forgive you, sweet boy. So what are you and Papa doing?”

“Teaching him how to play drums. He seems to really like it,” Ashton told her, sitting back down with Mason so they could go back to playing.

“Yeah, they say music’s really good for him.”

“Who’s they?”

“They. The doctors. The research. Something about the repetitive nature helping with his speech. I dunno, a lot of the scientific mumbo jumbo goes over my head.”

“Well, why don’t we get him in like a class, or something. They have those, right?”

“Yeah. And I’ve been meaning to. But every time I think to look into it, something else comes up. And without a formal diagnosis, it’s hard to find the right class for him.”

“He doesn’t have a formal diagnosis? What does that mean?”

“It means they, the doctors, just have a lot of really good guesses but not any real answers because he’s still so young. It’s currently a toss up between aphasia and autism.”

“Okay, I know what autism is more or less. But what the fuck is that other word?”

“Fancy talk for speech disorder.”

“That is so fuckin stupid… they can’t tell if he has a speech disorder? He’s damn near three years old and only says 4 fuckin words. I may not know a whole hell of a lot about child development or whatever the fuck, but pretty sure three olds are supposed to say a lot more than 4 bloody words.”

Vanessa stifled her laughter as Ashton vented his frustration. She wondered how many times you had raved the exact same thing to Finn, almost verbatim. “They can tell he has a speech disorder, love. They just can’t tell if it’s just it’s own thing, or if there’s more to it than that. Autism and speech disorders tend to overlap.”

“Yeah, and I bet you had to pay out your fuckin ears for all those doctor visits, and specialists, and shit. God, your healthcare here sucks.”

This time, she did laugh. “Yeah, but Finn and I both have pretty good insurance plans so it wasn’t too bad.”

“Yeah, and we can always just do this,” he told her, jerking his chin about the room. “Do our own music therapy here in the basement.”

“Now, that’s not a bad idea.”

“Man, I can’t wait to start touring again. I mean, I’m gonna miss you guys like fuckin’ crazy. But god, I can’t wait to show you guys around when we do our gig here. You’re gonna fuckin’ love it, baby.”

“It might just be me coming to see you, babe. I don’t know how Mase will handle all the noise, even with headphones.”

“Shit you’re right… well maybe you guys should come to a rehearsal then. Give the headphones a proper test.”

“A private concert all our own, huh? I think that sounds perfect.”

~~~

Mason gasped in excitement as they walked into the rehearsal space and he saw all the instruments. “Momma!”

“Yeah, I see, sweet boy. Are you excited to watch Papa and Uncles?”

“Momma,” he nodded.

“Go say hi to everybody, and then we’ll sit and listen, okay?”

Mason dashed off to press his forehead against Calum, Luke, and Michael who all murmured their own hellos to the boy while Ashton helped Vanessa get settled down with Bailey. “Ikey!” Mason screeched when he got to Michael, reaching up to touch the man’s fringe that poked out of his hat.

“Yes!” Michael whooped in victory. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!” Michael said pointing at Calum, Luke, and then back at Calum with each “fuck you.”

Calum rolled his eyes while Luke pouted, “How is ‘Mikey’ easier to say than ‘Luke’? How does he like your hair better? I have curls!”

“Oh, just let him have the win, Luke,” Ashton said, straightening up to his feet. “You guys ready or what?”

After making sure Bailey and Mason had their ears protected, the men all situated themselves with their instruments and started playing.

Mason managed to sit quietly through about two and a half songs before he got up and went over to Ashton, resting his small hand against the man’s leg. Ashton nodded for them to keep going when Calum, Luke, and Michael turned to look at him in a silent question. Between beats, Ashton scooped Mason up into his lap and finished the song. “Whatcha think?” Ashton asked both everybody and nobody as he pushed sweaty locks of hair back away from his face.

“Transitions sounded better this time,” Michael commented.

“Sounded better than better. Sounded tour ready,” Luke corrected.

“Could do without audience participation,” Calum teased with a playful look at Mason on Ashton’s lap.

“Just because you missed a beat, doesn’t mean you have to be bitter, Cal,” Ashton teased back. “And speaking of audience participation. What’d ya think?”

With all four men watching her, Vanessa shrugged her shoulders. “I’m no music expert, but I’m with Luke and Mike. Sounded really good.”

Mason, displeased that the music had stopped, reached across Ashton’s lap to strike at the cymbal with his hands. “Here,” Ashton told him, handing Mason the drumsticks. “With these.”

Mason tried again, shrieking with excitement at the sounds he produced from hitting the different parts of the drum set. Much like how he had done in the basement a week ago, Ashton shifted so Mason was fully seated on one leg so he would work the bass drum with his free leg without jostling the boy too much in the process. “Atta boy, Mase!” Ashton praised.

Rehearsal was quickly disbanded in favor of giving Mason a turn at all the other instruments in the room, letting him choose his favorite. Mason sat with Michael the longest, happily swiping a guitar pick against the strings. “Well, now we know what to get him for his birthday,” Michael grinned, sticking his tongue out at Calum and Luke.

Calum grumbled that this was barely a win for Michael because all this proved was that Mason definitely liked guitars, making it a win for everyone except Ashton, while Luke pouted more about how unfair it was Mason liked Michael more than him because “We play the same bloody instruments! I have CURLS!”

Ashton laughed at his friends, letting Michael gloat in his little victories a little bit longer before getting Mason’s attention. “Mase? Drums?” He drummed a quick and small beat that had Mason launching himself off of Michael and across the room to Ashton’s lap.

“Ha!” Calum smirked, flipping off Michael. “Now who’s Mase’s favorite?”

“Bailey,” everyone answered without needing to think about it.

__

Tag List

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[mrs-takami-keigo]

King of the Clouds

Chapter 2

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4

————————————

‘His niece? HIS FUCKING NIECE?!’Hawks whipped his head around the room trying to find the newest hero in town, spotting her talking to Mirko at the bar. He was mad for a number of reasons, one he knew the organization had to have been lying to him and he needed to know why. Two Endeavor could have just told him instead of going for the dramatic route. And finally he was pissed at the fact she still had the one up on him. He could hear Quinn’s voice as he got closer to the bar. “Your thighs are so in shape, I would honestly kill for them.” “Are you kidding me? You’re body is on fire. To be very honest it’s nice to see another women with curves like ours in the room.” Mirko said making Quinn laugh. If he wasn’t in such a mood he would have paid more attention to the butterflies that fluttering his lower stomach but right now he didn’t have time for that.

“So you’re a Todoroki?” He said as soon as he reached the two women who were in the middle of a conversation.

“Well hello there Hawks. Please, cut us off it wasn’t like me and Quinn weren’t having a lovely conversation just now.” He know it was rude of him to just interject himself. Sighing he turned to the white haired women, “My apologizes Mirko, may I borrow Phoenix for a second I wanna compare wing sizes.”

“I’ll just text you later girl.” He watched as Quinn hugged Mirko before turning to him fully. “Follow me.” Her voice was calm no malice or mocking behind her words.

Phoenix POV

My Uncles words rang through my head, ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover.’ I sighed, he was right. I’m way to old to be playing these ‘I’m better than you’ games with Hawks. I lead the younger male to my office which was down the hall from Endeavors. I would have used his but he was in there with some pro’s.

Opening the door I moved out of the way so Hawks could walk in first, when he passed me I caught a whiff of his cologne. It was musky but with a hint of sweetness to it. ‘Focus Quinn!’ I shut the door before turning to face him. I could see he was about to say something but I stopped him before he could.

“I apologize for how I acted earlier today. I don’t know you and it was just rude of me.” I saw the surprise on his face, which was expected.

“I was not expecting you to say that kid.” He leaned on my desk crossing one foot over the other while his arms did the same. Once again that thought of if were in a different time and place I wouldn’t have minded him taking me home. But I hated when he called me kid. Taking a deep breath I knew I had to keep my composure. Making my way across the room to my desk, I pulled my chair out, “Let’s have an adult conversation shall we?” I gestured for him to take the seat across from me. We both sat down, I leaned back crossing my legs. “My name is Quinn Bailey-Todoroki. Born and raised in New York where I am the number one hero and number three in America. My powers I’m sure you are aware of are telekinesis and fire control. And last I am not a kid I am older than you by about 5 years, so no more of that kid nonsense okay?”

He eyes had never left mine while I was talking. It was refreshing to see, to have someone listen instead of just gawk at me.

It took him a moment to say anything to me. The wheels in his head were turning I could tell. “And you couldn’t have said all this when you first met me because?” I rolled my eyes just when I thought he stopped being a complete jackass.

“Because unfortunately my temper comes from the Todoroki side. So once again I’m sorry can we start over?” I stood up putting my hand out waiting for him to shake it and call truce.

“So you are a Todoroki?” Why was he so obsessed with this question. I just nodded my headband stuck my hand out even further. Hawks followed suit and grabbed my hand shaking it. “Good, now I have a party to get back to.” I tried to take my hand away from his but there was a grip from his end. Looking back at the blonde I watched as he brought my had up to his lips, gently kissing the back of it before letting it go.

“What the hell are you doing Hawks.” I wiped my hand on the back of my skirt, trying to hide the fact that it sent butterflies to my stomach. He chuckled and walked back to the door opening it while using his other arm to cross in front of his torso before he bowed his head.

“I always wanted to kiss the hand of a royal.” I hated this man with my entire soul.

-Next day-

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling not even caring that the alarm clock on my phone was going off I just kept hitting the snooze button. Today was my official first day as a pro hero and for some reason I felt off. Thinking back to last night I remember the conversation Endeavor and I had in the car.

“I saw you go into your office with a bunch of pro hero’s, anything I need to know about?” He could tell from my tone that I was being deathly serious. The one thing about the dynamic between us was there was always respect and no secrets.

“There have been some more Nomu sightings throughout Japan. We haven’t seen them since the Kamino incident so this is interesting if true. We aren’t sure if they are rumors or not.” I could see in his face this was worrying him. I knew about the Kamino incident, everyone did. All Might’s retirement effected everyone around the world.

“Any sign of the League of Villains? Wherever the Nomu is one of them is sure to follow.”

“No sightings of them and that’s what really concerns me, what could they possibly be planning?” We both didn’t say anything after that. Just the thought of what they were capable of doing sent shivers down my spine.

“Are you going to turn that alarm off or not?” Jumping a little I looked at the door to see my Uncle standing in my doorway already in costume.

“God you scared me! Ever heard of knocking?” I grabbed my phone and aggressively hitting the stop button.

“I did but you didn’t hear me. It’s almost the afternoon I’m heading out for a meeting. I’ll be back later tonight.” It was always right to the point with this man. Hearing his footsteps go down the hall I got out of the bed. Stretching my arms up above my head I felt my shoulders pop back into place. I didn’t have patrol until later tonight so I was thinking of using the day to look for apartments. Putting on my house slippers I made my way to the kitchen to see if I could whip anything up to eat.

“Oh Quinn you hungry?” Fuyumi was sitting at the table with her laptop open and papers scattered around her.

“Yeah but don’t worry finish your work I can make something.” I waved my hand at her while opening the fridge. Fuyumi was just as kind and thoughtful as she was when she was a little girl. While growing up she always followed me around and it was the cutest thing.

“Do you work today?” She was typing away on the computer but I knew she was talking to me.

“Yeah I have patrol later to night probably won’t be back till the early morning.” I decided to make a sandwich, nice and simple I wasn’t in the mood to make a mess. “But I was thinking about going apartment hunting and since your home wanna have a girls day my treat?” The clicking sound of the keyboard stopped, “oh my god yes please! I feel like I’ve been stuck in the house forever!” The excitement in her voice made me smile.

“Once I’m done eating I’ll go get dressed and then we’ll head out.” I saw her nod before going back to what I’m assuming was grading papers.

-later that day-

“I really really like that last apartment we saw.” We were in the car on our way back to the house trunk full of shopping bags and bubble tea in our hands. Before we went to the open houses in the area, I took Fuyumi to the mall and let her get anything she needed. I knew it wasn’t easy taking care of three men when you’re the only women in the house. I want her to know she doesn’t have to have that burden on her shoulders while I’m here.

“It was nice but the third place we saw might have to be the one. It had access to the roof which is perfect for me when I just wanna fly home after a hard day. And I’m also a sucker for floor to ceiling windows.” Taking a sip of my taro bubble tea I looked at my cousin, from her side profile she looked just like her mother.

“How is aunt Rei? Have you guys seen her?” Fuyumi looked down at her hands as she started to play with her thumbs.

“Me and Natsuo try to see her as often as we can but it’s Shouto who ends up going the most. She’s a lot better now! We’re all hoping she’ll get all hoping she’ll get released soon.” Her face lit up at the last sentence it made me smile.

“Maybe we should go see her, I still have plenty of time before I have to go to work.” I leaned forward to tell the driver about the change of plans only to be stopped by the emergency alarm coming from everyone’s phone in the car. My stomach sank I knew what it meant. There was a fight happening and we were close.

“Quinn it’s dad.” Fuyumi had a look of horror on her face. I quickly leaned over looking the phone with her.

‘Were here in central Fukuoka where a hooded figure crashed through the window of this building. Fortunately two heroes were already on the scene, Endeavor and Hawks!’

My body started to shake as I watched the hooded Nomu land a punch on my uncle sending him back through the already broken window. The screams of the people trapped in the building and the people down below that were trying to escape the falling glass were ringing through the speaker of the phone. ‘I have to go! I have to help them!’

“Sir please drive us as close to this area as you can!” At first he was hesitant of my request, “PLEASE!” His hands gripped the steering wheel before the car sped up.

“Quinn you’re gonna go?! You don’t even have your costume!” The worry in Fuyumi’s voice was evident but I couldn’t just sit back and do nothing I was a hero.

“That’s why I asked him to get us as close as he could if I use my wings to fly there from here my clothes would be all burnt up.” I know she didn’t want me to go but I had to and she knew that.

‘There seems to be more Nomus appearing out of nowhere!’ There were Nomus climbing all over the buildings but other hero’s arrived on the scene to take care of them while Endeavor and Hawks took care of the stronger one.

Their movements were fast but I caught each and every one. I watched as I say red feathers carry civilians down to the ground and reattached themselves back onto Hawks wings. The camera was trying focus on him but he was fast. With Two large feathers in his hands as swords he took a few swings to the animal only to be hit his yellow visor broken in half. Most of his feathers were gone trying to save people so he couldn’t stable himself in time before he fell on top of a building.

Endeavor took this time to try and beat the Nomu only to receive a cut to his face sending him flying as well. This was bad very bad. With both of them down and out for the count I could hear the sheer panic from the people. I needed to get out of this car and get to them fast.

“Miss this is as far as I can go.” The driver pressed hard on the breaks as to not hit the car in front of us. “It’s only about ten minutes driving distance from here but I’m sure you can get there in no time.”

“Thank you so much. Please keep Fuyumi safe for me.” I patted his shoulder before turning to my little cousin. Taking my hand in hers I looked her in the eyes. “I’m going to be alright, we all are I’ll make sure of it.”squeezing her hand once last time I opened the door, jumping out wasting no time to take to the sky. ‘Please be okay!’ The city below me zoomed right by my wings taking me as fast as the could. I could feel that the t-shirt I wore was already buried where my wings were but I could care less. That feeling I couldn’t shake from this morning was back, my instincts have been trying to tell me something all day but I just ignored it.

I could hear the commotion from the fight in the distance, the scream’s of the people. It made me so mad, how could anyone take joy in doing this to people!

“Endeavor use my feathers! Let me help you go faster!” It was Hawks, trying to find where the voice came from I found him on top of a building. His face was serious but also banged up. I could see the blood coming out from where his visor broke and from his mouth. Hawks was looking up towards the sky I tried to follow his eyesight and when I did I covered my mouth with my hands. Endeavor was giving his last little bit of strength to take this monster down. He was far away from me but I could feel the heat coming from his flames ‘He’s over heating!’ The feathers Hawks sent him pushed him faster to the goal. The next thing I saw was a flash of bright light and a scream from my Uncle. I had to close my eyes from the light but the force of the flames was like a gust of wind that you could only feel during a hurricane.

Everything seemed to go quite after the wind and the light died down. Opening my eyes I caught a glimpse of Endeavor falling back down to earth. I flew over but slowly, scared to see what I would discover. ‘Please be alive, please!’ I kept chanting that in my head as the cloud of smoke started to disperse. That’s when I saw it, My uncle standing there with his fist up in the air standing on both his feet. I could feel the breath I was holding in my chest leave my body. ‘Thank god he’s alive.’

“Endeavor are you alright?!” Hawks was next to him in a flash trying to hold him up but his strength was just as weak as Endeavor’s was. His once large bright red wings were much smaller. Having had to use the feathers to fight, save people and still be able for him to fly took a lot out of him.

“What a nice show there you gave us Endeavor!” It was a voice I wasn’t familiar with. “I was supposed to bring High-end back alive what the fuck am I supposed to do with a dead burnt up Nomu. Not very hero like of you!” This guy had a lot of anger in his voice. He was y’all that much I could tell. The thing that caught my attention was the scarred skin he had. It was all over his body, arms, neck, chin even under his eyes. Just by the looks of him I knew he was part of the league.

“This was the day I’ve been waiting for though, the day when I can finally get rid of you Endeavor!” I saw blue flames shoot out from his hands aiming towards Hawks and my uncle.

Third person POV

“What the fuck am I gonna do now? My wings won’t be able to carry the both of us and Endeavor is barely holding on to consciousness.” Hawks growled under his breath. He knew there was no way out of this situation and the other hero’s were to busy trying to get everyone to safety.

“This was the day I’ve been waiting for though, the day when I can finally get rid of you Endeavor!” Hawks heard him shout while blue flames started to appear from his hands.

‘Think Hawks think!’ He felt the heat of the flames but not the flames themselves. Looking up he saw the sight of Phoenix standing in front of them both her hands had flames coming out from them. ‘Where did she come from?’

“Hawks are you alright?” He looked at the older female, she looked different than she did yesterday. He couldn’t put his finger on it just yet.

“I’m fine how did you get here?!”

“Don’t worry about that now can you get him somewhere safe?” Hawks could see that her shirt was all burnt in the back and she was starting to sweat.

“Yeah, but what about you?” He would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about her.

“I’ll be fine,” Phoenix turned her head to look over her shoulder at Hawks. “Plus I don’t think this I good match for you dove. Now go!” She faced her opponent again this time her flames became hotter and stronger.

He tried to pull Endeavor up but he was to heavy for him. Just as the winged hero was about to try again the bright red and blue flames ceasefire.

“Well well look who it is, Phoenix right?”

“Aw that’s not fair, you know me but I have no idea who the fuck you are.” Phoenix cocked her head to the right staring at the man that was across from her.

“The name is Dabi. Glad I could be the last thing you see before you die.” The scarred man put one foot behind him to steady himself before another huge ball of blue flames came at her, but this time it was much bigger. Everything started to happen in slow motion for Hawks. The wind around him started to pick up. He could feel a strong power emitting from the women in front of him.

“Phoenix, d-don’t it’s too dangerous!” Endeavor’s voice was weak but Hawks heard him.

Bright red and orange wings appeared on her back as she started to hover above the ground. The blue flames circled her instead of blasting her to burnt bits. It was like what he saw in the video she was absorbing the flames. But something was different this time. Hawks watched as her back arched making her face the sky, eyes wide open. She was in pain and he could see it. Stopping his assault Dabi watched in amazement “Well that’s different.” He’s seen people deflect his flames or even try to stop them but never absorb them. “Too bad for you but I’m not dying anytime soon motherfucker!” Her back was still arched while she spoke. But the voice that came out of her was scary it sounded like multiple people were talking at the same time. Letting her back straighten out she made a straight dive for Dabi.

“Ever have your own flames try to kill you?” Phoenix was smirking as she released those same blue flames back onto her opponent. She was terrifying, her power sent chills down the spines of many like how All Might’s used to.

“Like you said I’m not dying today either.” As soon as he said that a black circle appeared behind him, sucking in Dabi and the corpse of the Nomu right before a bright blue flash hit the spot he was standing on. Hawks had covered himself and Endeavor with what little wings he had left. Peaking over the wing he saw Phoenix walking back towards him. Her t-shirt burnt falling off her body in little pieces her sports bra showing and her jeans had burn holes in them as well.

“Phoenix are you alright?” He could tell she wasn’t. With each step she staggered and stumbled, her face was void of any emotion and Hawks knew this wasn’t good. Reaching her uncle she fell to her knees on his right side. Her small hand reached out putting it on his back. A sigh escaped her lips as she bent her head down.

“Thank goodness you’re both safe.” Her voice was soft but the blonde could hear her. She was staring at her fallen uncle while she did that. Soon her brown eyes locked with his golden ones.

“Thank you for protecting him Hawks.” A smile passed on her lips before she too collapsed on top of her uncle.

“Quinn!” ——————————————————————————————————— I’m very proud of this chapter! Thank you so much for the likes on the first chapter! Please don’t be afraid to comment! Comments help me know that people like what I write

[ahtohallan-calling]

chapter 1 (the prologue) of true north is here!

[kristanna / t / the actual fic version of my single dad au at long last]

This wasn't how Kristoff's life was supposed to go, but he thinks he likes it better this way, anyway: sure, it's hard work running his family's coffee shop and bakery, but it's honest work that means he can afford to take care of his daughter on his own. And really, what else does he need besides that?

On the day Anna Delle walks in, he just might find out.

He assumes, at first, that it’s the concussion making everything seem strange.

“Where’s Alice?” he asked, even the sound of his own voice making his skull rattle in its-- its-- whatever the fuck it is.

“It’s not important,” Bailey says, and that’s the first weird thing, “go back to sleep.”

“I’m not tired,” he says as he frowns and elbows his way more upright in the hospital bed. “Where is she?”

“With your mom.”

“Can I use your phone to call? Mine died.”

And there’s the second, the sudden flare of fear in her too-green eyes. “Why?”

It seems obvious to him why he might want to call his mother after a scrimmage gone wrong that will definitely make the news in his sleepy hometown. Maybe it’s the concussion, maybe not, but he insists anyway. “I wanna talk to her.”

“She’s three months old.”

“I want to talk to her,” he pushes, struggling further upright even though he knows he’s about to puke again if he keeps at it. “I wanna talk to my baby.”

“Jesus, fine,” Bailey snaps, as if it’s a big imposition, and then the third weird thing is that she dials for him before handing him the phone.

“Ma,” he says, hoping that if his voice is slurred she’ll blame it on a bad connection, “Ma, hi, it’s Kristoff.”

“Kris, honey, we just saw on the news what happened,” she says, and his mom has always been his rock, and he’s glad that she at least is something steady in this day that he’s starting to think will only get worse somehow. “Do you need me to come up there?”

“Nu-uh. Where’s Alice?”

“I’m holding her right now. She’s asleep.”

“Okay. Tell her I love her when she wakes up, okay?”

“Of course. You get back to resting, now.”

That’s the plan; he feels drained already, and he’s only been awake five minutes. He hangs up the phone, and it goes to the list of recent calls, and there’s the fourth weird thing-- well, really, he realizes as he scrolls down the list, more like...shit, his head hurts too bad to count, but this is a lot of little weird things adding up to one big fat stinking terrible thing.

Bailey turns back to him from where she’s been talking to a nurse, and she must see his expression, because there’s that fear again. She opens her mouth and closes it and opens it again, but there’s no sound falling out.

Kristoff furrows his eyebrows, ignoring how it makes the knife in his head dig deeper. 

“Who the fuck is Lucas?” 

---

“I love you,” he whispers to the sleepy bundle in his arms. “For always.”

There are a lot of scary things in his life right now, like how he’s just quit his job and is going to have to figure out how to pay rent and bills and all the other shit without it. And how technically both their names are on the lease. 

But this is the big one, that this might be his last chance to hold his little girl, and if it is, she’s not ever going to remember him at all.

(Because it doesn’t matter what the doctor says on the phone tomorrow. He loves her more than anyone or anything, even if it turns out she’s not supposed to be his. No take-backs, that was what he’d wanted to tell Bailey when she said Lucas wanted a test done. You said she’s mine and so she is.)

The apartment is quiet tonight, no buzzing electric toothbrush or singing in the shower or tapping on the phone. He guesses Lucas hears all of that now.

He kind of likes the quiet, if he’s being honest. It feels like a betrayal to admit that, but in comparison, it’s a pretty fucking small one. 

Alice yawns, curls and uncurls a tiny fist. He runs a fingertip over it, smiles when she grabs on. “That’s my girl,” he says softly, leaning down as he lifts his elbow just enough that he can press a kiss to her forehead. She makes a happy little noise when he does it, and when he pulls back she’s smiling.

“I love you,” he says again, hoping that somehow in the back of her mind she’ll always know it.

---

At least Lucas was decent enough to suggest the test, to say he would step right up and take care of Alice if she was his after all. “Bailey told me she thought she was,” he admits as they tramp back down the stairs a third time. “But like...I held her a couple times when you weren’t around, and I just wasn’t seeing it, man.”

It’s weird, in Kristoff’s opinion, that a guy who’s being so honest and friendly right now would be okay with being The Other Man for a year and a half. But he doesn’t have to deal with him much longer, and the less he questions it the faster they can finish unloading the rest of the baby stuff Bailey sent over with him. It makes him feel a little sick, though, the thought that the three of them played Happy Family while he was at practice or running errands or something.

But it’s not happening again, he reminds himself, she’s just yours now, for good. 

“You seem like a cool dude, though,” Lucas continues as he carries a jumbo can of formula up the stairs, followed by Kristoff with a stroller in one hand and a carseat in the other and Alice strapped to his chest. “So, uh, good luck.”

“Thanks,” Kristoff mutters, mentally adding another reason to his list of reasons why he’s glad the test came back saying definitively that Alice was a Bjorgman after all. New reason: she’s not going to be raised by a fucking moron.

(The top ten reasons are all variations on the theme of how deeply he loves her, how she’s his little girl no matter what, but number eleven is “it’d break Ma’s heart”. Number eighteen is “I already bought that baby Jack-o-lantern costume, and I don’t know if it’s more depressing to keep it or throw it out”; number thirty-four is once more, “I love her”, emphasis on the I because he knows Lucas sure as fuck doesn’t, and he’s starting to doubt that Bailey does, too.)

Alice starts to wind up into a good old fashioned tantrum just as they reach the top of the steps, and it’s right on time; that was the last load, and Lucas is the special kind of oblivious that means he’d probably stick around shooting the shit for twenty more minutes at least. Instead he hears the first wail and is already backing out the door with barely a “see you, dude”.

“Hope not,” Kristoff mutters at the closed door as he frees Alice from the carrier and pulls her close to his chest, bouncing her gently up and down as she snuffles against his neck, already calming down.

He can’t help but grin. “Did you do that on purpose, Al?” he asks her, his thumb rubbing a soothing pattern up and down her back. “Were you tired of his bullshit, too?”

And shit, maybe she’s three months old, but he thinks maybe it was on purpose. They’re a team already, and the thought fills his chest with pride.

“We’re gonna make it,” he promises her, resolution burning in every part of him. “We’re gonna do this together, alright?”

Her response is to cling to his t-shirt with a surprisingly strong grip. He’ll take that as a hell, yeah.

[god-save-the-keen]

Coffee and Music

Book: HSS / HSS CA

Pairing: Aiden Zhou x MC (Jordan)

Words: 1.468

Warning: None, pure fluff

Prompets: @srta-give-me-my-jax-rl send me #15 #18 #26 #49 #50 #69 #76 from this list! It's my first time writing Aiden (and he is not my li) so I hope this turn out okay!

Permanent tag list: @gardeningourmet @client-327 @desiree---1986 @dawn-1994 @violinet @darley1101 @blackcatkita @flyawayboo @drakewalker04

Note: My fucking computer died, so be patient with me and the long post's for a while. As always, don't doubt to make your request!

'It's impossible for to get any worse' Aiden thought as he furrowed his brows, staring as Bailey and Ajay talk with Mr. and Mrs. Crandall. They had worked so hard in the play, he wrote the music for it, and now they were just taking it out. Skye had told them about this indignant change a few days ago but to hear her parents compare one of Shakespeare's masterpieces with American Most Eligible, a basic reality show, was not only outrageous but also more than he could handle. However they needed the Crandalls to go to London, even when they were killing the play with their nonsense changes.

"Remember the musical number that was here was cut. So just… speak your lines over the song." He said, trying to sound normal and help Rory and Bailey in their next reading. The music, beautifully soft, started to play in the background as Aiden watched the young couple's performance, his face hardened, anger inside him. A smaller hand took his as Jordan rested her head on his shoulder, watching by the stage.

"What you wrote is amazing, you know that right?" She whispered near to his ear. "It's beautiful, Aiden."

"Thanks Jordan." He squeezed her hand. "Apparently the Crandall's don't agree with us." He remarked low, softly leaning his head on top of hers, his voice full of disappointment.

"Screw them, you are amazing and the most talented person I know. They are just ruining everything, including their own daughter." He felt the sadness and concern in her voice as they observed Skye, distracted and looking depressed.

"I know what you mean….If we could only regain the control of the play. They are using us like their toys." Mrs Crandall was now criticising Bailey's performance even though she did it pretty well.

"Are you busy after this?" Jordan asked as she took her magic cane, ready to go on stage.

"Not really." He saw her smiling. "What's on you mind?"

"Well, it's been a while since our last proper date and I wanted to try a new coffee store that opened in downtown, wanna go?"

"I'd love to" She kissed his cheek and went to the stage, saying her lines flawlessly. The rest of the rehearsal was stressful and frustrating for all of them, Skye's parents complained about everything and demanded even more ridiculous modifications, destroying the heart of the play. When they finally left the building, the room stood in silence momentarily before people started to talk in a concerned tone about everything that had happened.

Aiden waited for Jordan outside of the changing room and headed together to her car, hand in hand. She drove and parked in front of a place called 'Do Re Mi Coffee'

"I know the name sounds like one of the worst joke puns from my dad but it's pretty good inside" She said smiling at him as they went to the front and he opened the door for her. The coffee shop was totally inspired by music, one of the walls was painted as music sheets with the notes of 'Love without hope' from Beethoven, a beautiful piano in one corner and different instruments and photos of singers, writers and musicians all around the place.

"This places is incredible! How did you find it?" He asked as they chose one of the tables with comfy couches and soft lighting.

"My dad showed it to me the other day, he said it was the perfect place for a date for us." She smiled with her cheeks a little pinker. "Some nights they have live music and the people can use the piano whenever they like." A waitress took their orders and they started to chat as they relaxed on the couch, Aiden took her hand, tracing soft circles on her skin.

"Hey… you look tired, are you okay?" She questioned, sightly furrowing her brows, observing his face. He smiled sweetly at her before planting a small kiss on the side of her head.

"I'm fine, it's just between the play, the Crandells and the band, we are dealing with a lot of things."

She leaned against the pillow of the couch, sighing. "Tell me about it… To be honest, you're the one thing keeping me sane right now."

"The feeling is mutual" She chuckled quietly. In that moment the waitress returned, she was just a few years older than them and smiled at the young couple.

"I'm sorry for the intrusion, but you two look adorable together, are you dating?"

"Thank you. She is my girlfriend" Aiden said with pride all over his face, even though his cheeks were a little red and Jordan smiled brightly and happy. The girl put their drinks on the table and with one last smile left them alone.

"That was kind of hot. I love when you call me your girlfriend."

"You do?" He asked shyly.

"I do" She planted a peck on his lips and took her frappuccino. He observed her for a moment, one of her hands still in his as the other held the cup, she looked tired but more relaxed than in the rehearsal. She was right, it had been a while since their last date and he had been missing these salone moments with her more than he had realized.

"This was a wonderful idea, Jordan." He gave her hand a squeeze. "I just really miss talking with you. The two of us alone."

"Me too. When I'm with you, I'm home." She rested her head on his shoulder, sighing content.

His eyes drifted to the piano once more, thoughtful, remembering the last song he had written for the play that he hadn't had the chance to show to the crew so far. He took a sip of his tea, continuing chatting with Jordan as his kept going back to the piano.

"Did I tell you that customers can use the piano whenever they want? Cause you can play something if you want to." A knowing smile on her face.

"You sure?" His attention was focused on her but now that he knew this song wouldn't be used in the play, this seems to be a good place and moment to share it. Especially with her.

She nodded before answering, a sweet smile on her face. "Of course! And also I love hearing you play. You know that."

He stood up and went to the piano as Jordan observed him from their table, his fingers touched the keys softly as he sat. He noticed a few curious looks but he didn't care, as always when he played, he blocked out everything except the instrument in front of him… And her. His fingers started to dance expertly with the keys as the music filled the coffee shop and the chatting around him decreased, in just a few seconds the place was quiet and the only sound was his melody in the air. When his eyes connected with hers for a moment in the middle of his performance, all he could see was love and pride, like he was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart himself. When he finished his song, the people started to enthusiastically clap, some of them with their phones recording him making his eyes wider and his cheeks a little darker. He did a 'thank you' gesture and returned to Jordan, she smiled big and hugged him tightly.

"That was amazing!" She exclaimed before kissing him softly.

"Thanks, Jo. I just…"

"What?"

"When I was writing this song I was thinking about you, you inspired me." A tiny smile quirked on his face as he cheeks turned a bit red. "I just wish it was easier for me to do a grant gesture" He frowned, like he was mad at himself.

"But you did it." She pointed out, taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. "And beyond that, I wouldn't change a thing about you"

He sighed happily and pressed his forehead against hers. "Really? Not even my shyness?"

"Especially your shyness" He chuckled smiling at her as her hand cupped his cheek. "Be you. No one else can."

"I love you, Jordan"

"I love you too, Aiden" They kissed slow and deep, her hand on his nape as his held her waist. "You know, I can help you to overcome your shyness."

"How?"

"Take off your shirt" She said winking at him, smiling a little mischievously.

"What? Here? No!" Jordan laughed as she leaned her back on his chest, after a moment of hesitation, he rounded her waist and belly with his arm and his lips leave a sweet kiss on her temple.

"I was joking, but worth the try"

They stood like that, holding each other close, peacefully drinking their orders and chatting, enjoying their little bubble of happiness.

❣️

[godlyborn]

discord. | those lost to the timeless abyss.

summary: ellie and rory go to the lotus hotel on a quest to bring lucien and linnaea to camp. it was much harder than they thought.

Elliot took a step inside, looking around. She ran a hand through her hair. "Where do we even start?" she asked Rory. "The vagueness of that prophecy isn't helping us."

Rory was speechless as they walked into the Lotus Casino. She wasn't sure what she expected it to look like, Amber never really went into detail, but she certainly wasn't expecting it to be as massive as it was. Looking around, Rory shook her head. "I....I have no fucking clue." She turned her head to look at Ellie, sighing before turning back towards everything in front of them. "This is going to take way longer than we want it to, isn't it?"

"Oh, 100 percent," Ellie answered. "How do we even manage to find them? They could be anywhere. Should we like start asking around or some shit?" 

"And ask what? 'Excuse me, have you seen a pair of twins that have been here for about thirty years?'" She threw her hands up, starting to walk towards the brighter games in the back. "Might as well start looking instead of just standing here. Why couldn't they even tell us what they look like? It would've made this at least one percent possible instead of the negative fifty we're at right now."

“Well I wouldn’t put it that way,” Ellie replied. “We can ask people if they are a twin. How many twins would be here anyway.”

"With our luck? Too many. Though I guess that's the best way to start." Rory looked around, stopping a random person that looked relatively their age. "Excuse me, are you a twin by chance?" The person looked at her extremely confused, and shook her head before quickly walking away. "Well," she sighed. "One down, who knows how many more to go.” 

Ellie weaved through the people with Rory. "Hey, just a quick question. Do you happen to be a twin?" When the guy gave her a dirty look and returned to their game, Ellie took a step back. "Wow nice to meet you too."

Rory rolled her eyes at the guys response. "Dick head." She continued walking with Ellie, with multiple other failed attempts to find anyone that's a twin. She knew this would normally be quicker if they split up, but Rory was nervous about one of them getting distracted and ending up in there for the next century. "Should we just like, stand on a bench and scream that we're looking for twins?” 

"You know what, fuck it," Ellie said, finding the nearest bench to stand up on. "Hey everyone! My friend and I are looking for some twins! Anyone here happen to see any?"

When Ellie screamed, Rory started looking around the casino, trying to spot anyone walking towards them or just having any other reaction then thinking the two of them were insane. When a minute of silence passed, and everyone just went back to their games, Rory groaned. "Okay, seriously? Is there like a separate game room or some shit?"

Elliot jumped down. "Let's start branching out or something? I'm not sure what else to try."

Rory looked over at Ellie, slightly nervous at the idea. "Is that a good idea in this place?" She tried to look around for a clock, trying to see how much time had already passed, not really surprised when she didn't find one. "But I don't really know what else to try, either."

"We just have to stay away from everything, and stay on task, yeah? We can manage this," Ellie nodded, though she wasn't sure if she was even convincing herself. "We can stick together, but we should try looking in other rooms."

She nodded, trying to convince herself that it was that simple. "Yeah, totally. Just stay on track." Rory stated walking farther into the room, trying to look over all the games to try and find a doorway or anything that gave the impression of a separate section. "Should we set an alarm on our phones or something to try and keep track of time?" Her head tilted ever so slightly in thought. "Would that even work in here? Or is there some kind of dumb magic mumbo jumbo that wouldn't let that happen?" Finally seeing an entrance to a hallway, Rory pointed, speeding up slightly. "There. Hopefully somethings over there."

"Yeah, I don't think that'll work here," Ellie replied. "It would kind of defeat the point, wouldn't it?"

Rory sighed, tucking her phone into her pocket after confirming that no, that's not how it works. "I was kinda hoping for a loop hole, not gonna lie."

"If only it were that easy," Ellie replied. "These games are very alluring, I'm not going to lie. No wonder people want to play. I'm glad were not Tyche kids. I wonder how many Tyche kids are stuck in here."

"I know, I'm trying not to look directly at them." Unconsciously, she glanced at them, spotting a Monopoly machine and very quickly looked away and tried to get it out of her brain, focusing on the conversation with Ellie to stay grounded. "Fuck, there's probably so many of them in here. This must be like crack for them."

"Damn, that must suck," Ellie said back, leading through the crowd, looking for another room to look in, occasionally asking if people were twins. "Honestly, my mind is so focused on getting back to my brother's and Ben that I refuse to let the thoughts of playing invade my mind too much. I can't imagine being in here with those you care about, or think no one cares for you."

Rory nodded her head in agreement. "I know what you mean, I would never be able to picture feeling like that. Keaton and Bailey would burn this place to the ground if I get stuck in here." She let out a small laugh, a smile growing on her face as she thought of her boyfriend and sister. She already missed them, especially Keaton. "These twins better show up soon, I wanna get back to them." Rory sped up her walking, heading into the next room, which luckily had a few less machines in it, as well as not as many people. "What do you think, scream on a bench again or grab people?"

"Grab people probably, I don't think the screaming thing really worked," she replied. Ellie tapped on a boy's shoulder near her. "Hey, excuse me, hi, do you happen to be a twin, or have seen any twins here?"

The boy actually seemed semi-helpful. After staring at them for a second or five, he pointed a vague direction before running off again. Rory rolled her eyes, but walked in the direction anyway. "At least he gave us something to go off of. First time in who knows how long." Seeing another boy, Rory walked up, tapping him on the shoulder. "Hi. Quick question: are you a twin?"

Lucien had lost track of time. It’d been a few days (days?) of almost nonstop fun for him, broken up only briefly with naps and quiet moments in corners of the casino. One of these days, he remembered telling Linnaea, they’d have to go back outside. But not now. He was holding a cup against the slot machine as it poured coins out, shiny and promising. When the girl approached her, Lucien had to drag his eyes up from the sight of gold spilling into his hands. “Huh?”

"Are you a twin? We're looking for a set of twins," Ellie replied. "Some guy pointed your way." 

He pondered this. “Define twins,” Lucien said. The coins stopped pouring and he lifted the cup, shaking it and listening to the rattle. “Identical? There’s a few of them, here, actually. I think I remember where they went....”

Rory held back the urge to let out an annoyed sigh. "Identical. Fraternal, whatever. Just answer the question please?” 

Lucien looked between the two girls slowly. “What do you want twins for? Some weird art thing?”

The prophecy was some what like art, maybe he'd be more willing if that was the point than just outright saying 'hey man, you've been stuck in here for like 30 some years'. "Uh, something like that," Ellie replied. "It requires these twins who are grandchildren of Homonoia. If you happen to know them." 

Lucien paused. A crooked smile slid onto his face to mask the little jolt that came with hearing that name out loud. It shook a little clarity into him, and for the first time in what felt like a long time he was nervous. “You come from a small town? This is a big place, I don’t really know most people’s grandparents on a first name basis. Define require.”

Rory shuffled a bit, trying to think of a vague enough answer in case any of the people around them were listening, though she highly doubted it. "You could say that, everyone knows each other where we're from. Though, we're looking for twins born in 1974." She hoped she got the year right, the number sounded correct to her.

Lucien turned his attention back to the slot machine, if only to keep looking aloof. He pictured Linnaea's face, the last time he saw her a few... hours? ago. "Wanna play?" he asked the two, sliding a coin into the machine anyway. He imagined walking through the crowds, sliding seamlessly past crowds and faces and finding— Linn? Where are you?

"We were just playing in the other room," Ellie replied. She looked at the machine, almost like it was calling to her, weirdly part of her wanted to play with all his winning. "That's how me and her got this idea for the project."

Rory glanced at the machine when Lucien offered, almost tunnel visioning with the flashing lights. Ellie's voice snapped her back into focus, and she shook her head slightly before focusing back in on the conversation. 

With no immediate reply from his sister, Lucien pulled the machine's lever, buying himself as much time as he could. Nothing. He sighed, and spun around again, face calm. "I think I know someone who fits this description..." he started. "What's the project, though?"

"A series of photos outside with flowers and nature, all that jazz," Ellie replied. "Cupid's Vault esc. Don't know if you know who that is, but they use crystals and flowers to make a person look like a part nature. Make it like unity with nature."

Rory nodded along, pretending to know exactly what Ellie was talking about. "We're really inspired by Greek Mythology, honestly."

Some part of him, something he couldn't quite name, bristled at the thought of going outside. Which was strange. Outside arguably was safer than in here, where everyone was perpetually distracted. Maybe the fresh air would be nice... Lucien shook off the thought and stood up. "Okay, let's go look for some twins. I think they went this way." He started walking, assuming the two would follow, and tried Linnaea again. Sis? Location please.

"Yeah, I'll have another!" Linnaea plucked the lotus leaf from the platter with a smile. "Hey, cheers!" she sang, tapping leaves with a girl beside her. "Your shirt is hella fly, by the way. Where did you get it?" Linnaea snapped the tip of the leaf off between her teeth. "Forever 21? Huh, never heard of it." Before Linnaea knew it, her hand was empty and she found herself reaching for another leaf. "Yeah, I'll—" Lucien's voice echoed through her mind. How long had it been seen she last saw him? I'm by the bar, just got another one of those leaf things. You want one?

Maybe later. He glanced around the room. The bar was two rooms over. Lucien paused and tried to look like he was searching for people. Gauging how easily he could lose these two. I have a slight situation. Meet me by the front?

Ellie followed the boy, glancing back at Rory a few times to make sure she was there too. Ellie had a feeling he was dodging her but she needed to finish this prophecy. “Hey. slow down,” she said. 

Rory followed, trying very hard to not get distracted by all the flashing lights around them. She let Ellie do the talking, and instead focused on the boy and keeping track of him, just wanting to get out of this place and back home already.

What kind of situation? Linnaea looked around the room. The crowd around her seemed much more densely packed than it was just an hour ago and finding her bearings was suddenly a monumental task. Which way is the front?

Lucien was about to shove a group in front of him aside and run for it, but the question threw him. It occurred to him, slowly, in a haze, that he didn't know. "Um," he said, then clenched his teeth. Okay, new plan, I'll come to you. Don't move. 

"I think I see them over there." Lucien pointed to the left corner of the room, where he saw two people with blonde hair. Not at all twins, but enough to distract them. When their heads turned, he backed away to the right and started to weave between people.

Rory glanced over in the direction he pointed, but didn’t see any twins. Quickly looking back, she lost sight of him for a few moments, before just catching sight of him weaving between people. Now thoroughly annoyed, she started walking faster in his direction. “I got him.” She growled at Ellie, waving her hand to create a wind current to sweep his legs out from under him, feeling a weird sense of satisfaction when she saw him fall.

He got maybe a 5 second lead before he landed on his face. Palms and chest and chin stinging, a new jolt of panic ricocheted through his body. Subtlety, it seemed, was no longer an option. Lucien shot to his feet and ran, shoving people behind him to give himself a buffer.

“Seriously dude!” Ellie said, trying her best to keep with him. “Also Rory, that was bad ass.”

Uh, okay. Linnaea looked around for her brother's head amongst the crowd. 

"Looking for something?" 

Linnaea turned to see the server with the platter staring straight at her, unblinking. 

"Uh, no, just my brother, thanks." 

"Have another leaf." 

"No, that's okay, I'm waiting for—" 

"Have another." 

Linnaea took a step back, eyes still locked with the unblinking server.

Rory started running after him as well, grateful that she had kept up with her jogging to stay in shape after leaving camp. “Thanks. Might as well put all those years of power training for something, right?” 

Lucien probably lost an ally or two in his mad dash to his sister. A few angry shouts followed him through the next room and the next. The bar was in sight, and after another half minute of pissing some more guests off— was it always this crowded?— he finally found Linnaea. "Sis!" he shouted to her. He grabbed her shoulders, and turned her toward him. "Hey you, fun game time, let's run."

Ellie continued running to try and catch up to them, turning around ever so often to make sure Rory was still there. She had to dodge a few server in her path. "Wait, we can explain dude. We're not here to hurt you!” 

Rory tried to duck under the servers plate, but failed, knocking some weird flower shaped things to the ground. She shouted a “sorry!” over her shoulder in response to the yelling, but kept going in the direction the boy, now joined by another girl, we’re heading. “Yeah, seriously! Just stop so we can talk about this,” she paused for a second. “I promise not to trip you again?”

Linnaea stood frozen as the server took a menacingly slow step towards her. Then—"Lucien!" Linnaea glanced back at the server, who now had both of them set in her sights, and then at the two girls who seemed to be chasing Lucien down. "Say no more." Grabbing Lucien's arm, Linnaea started shoving strangers aside in a mad dash away from their assailants.

With Linnaea leading, they scrambled away, looking for the front or any sort of exit. He shouted a few useless apologies to the people they crashed past, but eventually gave up and decided to own the havoc. They'd started to run just to run, dashing from room to room, always just a few desperate steps ahead of the chasers. 

Maybe it was the stress, maybe the low hum of fear vibrating in his stomach, but the casino started to feel... strange. Lucien didn't know what to make of that, but he thought he saw, out of the corner of his eye... "Wait," he gasped, tugging his arm to catch his sister's attention. "Front door, over there!"

 Rory’s eyes widened as she saw them head towards the front door of the casino. “Oh shit!” She pushed herself to run faster, trying to catch up and stop them. “Wait, no! Please don’t go out there!” Now it was her making sure Ellie was keeping up. “We really need to talk first!”

"Fuck," Ellie said, following Rory to try and stop them from going outside.

Linnaea avoided the temptation to turn around to see how far ahead they were. The crowd had grown far too dense anyhow, she justified. Finding her brother's hand in the chaos, she bolted toward the front doors and threw them open with all her might. "Fuck!" The sun was blindingly bright and Linnaea stumbled blindly forward. Lucien! Lucien where— As her eyes adjusted, Linnaea started to take in her surroundings. Where... Where are we?

He ignored every silent protest, every reluctance to leave the building, and followed his sister outside. They landed on the sidewalk and Lucien crouched over to catch his breath. "I think they're right behi—" He cut himself off and looked up. His jaw dropped. Holy shit. 

When they caught up to them, Ellie slowed stepped forward to them. She held up her hands slightly, as if to signal she wasn't going to hurt them. "We can explain. You're probably really confused. Seriously, we just want to help you. We're not here to hurt you, we're here to take you somewhere safe, a place where we're protected by monsters. I'm Ellie, and this is Rory, and we're like you.” 

Trying not to panic, Linnaea discreetly patted down her pockets, feeling around for something she could wield. Nothing. "Like fuck we're going anywhere with you," Linnaea retaliated. What's the move, Luce?

Lucien was trying to make sense of the city he saw before entering the casino and the one sprawled in front of him now. When the girl Ellie approached, he pulled his attention back to the moment. Instinctively, he stepped a little in front of his sister. At least one of them has some legit powers. I don't think we can lose them if we run. Scream for help?

"I'm being serious," Ellie insisted. "Look." She went through her pockets for her school ID. She showed them. "I go to college, I live with my older brothers, me and them are children of Morpheus, he's a God. I'm a demigod. Rory over there, she has a boyfriend, she's a daughter of Zeus. Even if you don't know about the Gods, I'm sure you know a God named Zeus. There's a place for people like us, it's called Camp Halfblood, it's safe." She sighed, looking at Rory, and then back at them. "It's 2020," she said. "You've been in there for decades. That place, it's magic. Playing the games, eating the food, it causes you to stay in there and never age. I didn't want to freak you out at first, but that backfired. Please."

“We swear on the river Styx that we’re not here to hurt you.” Rory glanced up at the booming thunder that sealed her promise, not being able to help rolling her eyes. “Dad always has to be dramatic.” She turned her attention back to the twins. “We’re not monsters.” She didn’t really agree with dropping all this information on them now, but she couldn’t really stop Ellie. “Homonoia sent us to find you two and get you to safety.”

Maybe his brain was melting, because none of what he just heard made any sense. "Uh," he started, a laugh bubbling up in his chest. "Ah... No, this is... No. We don't want what you're selling us, thanks.” 

Rory blinked slowly before looking over at Ellie. “What damn part of this sounds like a sales pitch?”

"We're not selling anything. You're like us. We would not risk coming here if we didn't need you two," she replied. Ellie got out her phone and showed him the date. "Read that, that's the date.” 

Linnaea put her hands up and took a step back. "Is this... a joke?" What little she had actually heard, her brain had not yet processed. She was still unsure if their lives were in danger. "What is that?" Linnaea looked at the device glowing in the stranger's hand.

Lucien stared at the screen, not comprehending. When it went dark, he blinked, and looked back at Ellie and Rory.

Linnaea kept her hands up, as if to shield herself from the strangers. Are we drugged? Did we take drugs in there and we don't remember?

Rory took a small step forward towards them. “No, it’s not a joke.” She pointed to the cell phone in Ellie’s hand. “That’s a portable telephone. There’s a lot of new technology now days, but my boyfriend, Keaton was always better at explaining them.” She glanced around the area. “Please, you need to believe us. The longer we stand here, the more we’re risking putting all of us in danger.” 

"We're not the monsters, but if we don't leave and get you too safety, there'll really be some after us. Our godly blood attracts them. Either you go back in there and never come out, which will happen, or you come with us to safety. If you stay out in the open, your risk is getting killed by a monster. There's two of you and you'll attract them more. Trust me, please."

And we're having the same trip? But the idea was already rooting itself in Lucien. Well... that checks out, actually. They could already talk, already share little flashes of memory. He latched onto this because it made more sense than anything else. He took Linnaea's hand, checking in with her for silent confirmation. "We're gonna go back inside, then."

Rory covered her face with her hands, giving herself a moment to let out a small half groan, half scream. Once done, she dropped them. “Listen, I know we sound insane, but we’re telling the truth.” She waved her hands them a bit. “You’re honestly telling me that you think that all of this happened in the span of what....a week or so? That’s not possible. Even today.”

Linnaea stepped toward Rory, an accusatory finger pointed her way. "All I know is that this morning, my brother and I were doing just fine on our own. Things only got weird when you showed up and started pursuing us. So how about you leave us alone and go back to whatever freaky place you came from." Linnaea turned on her heel and started marching toward the hotel with Lucien in tow.

Ellie stood in front of the door, stoping them from entering. "If you go in there, you'll be stuck in there forever," she replied.

"What she said," Lucien said as he started to follow. "Well.. we don't believe you," he said to Ellie.

Rory let out another growl, her eyes turning a slightly brighter shade of blue. She forced down the power that flared to life with her emotions. “This morning you were trapped in a god damn magical hellhole, we just started to fucking wake you up. It’s another decade for fucks sake!”

Ellie took a step toward them, away from the door, "Please, I know this is shocking, but you're only safe in camp halfblood."

"What the fuck," Lucien threw up his hands. "Will you leave us alone! We're not going with you!" He stepped up to Ellie, trying to look intimidating. "Move."

Linnaea clenched a fist and exhaled, ready to sucker punch the girl standing in their way. On my count, I think I can knock her out. Linnaea scanned for an opening to clobber the side of her head when her eyes caught the still unbroken stare of the server inside the hotel, watching her through the glass. Wait—do you see that? 

Though he did look intimidating, Ellie wasn't very fazed. "Look dude, I'm not scared of you. I have faced what should be scarier people, and scarier monsters than you." Ellie was ready to take them out, if she needed to. 

Lucien grit his teeth, but put his attempts at scaring her off on pause as soon as Linnaea called his attention. He glanced past Ellie and met the stare of a server, holding a tray of lotuses. A small chill went down his spine. I see it.

Rory stood a few feet behind the twins, ready to either slam the doors shut or just trip them again. Seeing them pause, she glanced over their shoulders, seeing the creepy server behind the door. “Okay, even on my terms that’s fucking creepy.” She now focused her attention on the server, ready to defend if needed. “Ellie, behind.”

What the fuck? Once again, Linnaea shifted gears, now backing slowly away from the door as the lotus server was joined by another, and another, and another, until several of them were lined up behind the glass, moving slowly toward them, still unblinking. "Nope. Mm-mm. What in the line dancing fuck is that."

Ellie turned when Rory warned her. "What the fuck," Ellie said, shivers running down her spine at the Lotus Eaters, stepping back from the door.(edited)

Lucien had a vague, distant, maybe-not-real memory of these same creepy faces, staring out at them on their first day in Vegas. He remembered thinking it exciting, inviting, not the horrifying vision he was staring at now. Okay, maybe I'm second guessing going back in there.

Rory stayed still, letting the other three pass her before she started stepping back as well. Her brain now fully switched into defense mode, she spoke to Ellie without looking away from the Lotus Eaters. “Okay, start heading towards the van, I’ll blast them right back in there if they even think about moving.”

"Do you want to come with us now?" Ellie said harshly, walking backward. "Or do you want to deal with that?"

Linnaea looked back and forth between the servers and the strangers. "God damn it." She sighed, her choice clearly made. At least these two blink.

Lucien felt backed into a corner, and it was annoying that he couldn't even fully blame the two girls for it anymore. Stupid, creepy servers with thier stupid soulless eyes. He grumbled, rubbing his forehead. "Yeah, okay, fine. Fine. We'll go, what about our—" Shit. I guess the car is gone. He sighed. "Ugh. Can we go get a burger or something before we go?"

[princessamericachavez]

Fjorester in Episode 43

I watched this ep live which means it was 4-7am to me and I might have missed stuff, but here’s what I remember

When Jester wants to start a bar fight and Fjord knows she’s going for it, so his first comment about it, before she even says she wants to fight is “No killing, Jester.”

And then the others keep trying to talk her out of it but the only opinion she asks is Fjord’s saying “Tusktooth?”

But, like, Fjord (as I’ve yelled about so many times before) enjoys Jester’s shenanigans even when he pretends to be frustrated by them, so instead of talking her out of it, he pretends to be chugging on his ale, which Jester correctly takes as a “go ahead”.

heart eyeeeees

“One gold on the blue one!” Awesome callback to their fight in the Gentleman’s speakeasy, further proof that Fjord is just a chaotic prankster at heart and a reminder that he’s constantly in awe by how badass Jester is.

Fjord’s soft-ass smile after the fight when Jester excitedly declares “Hey, I made a friend!” “Yeah, you kept all your teeth!”

When they are talking about the Divers Grave and they are discussing what kind of monster might be in there and then Jester says “It’s an underwater banshee, for sure.” 

“Is that a thing?” 

“Yeah.”

*knowing full well he’s being fucked with* “Hmmmm.”

I don’t know why that exchange feels so flirty to me, and like the fact that they keep zeroing in on each other during group conversations like they live in their own little bubble, kills me.

The Caleb and Jester talk!!!!!!!!

(I will make a whole separate post dissecting this conversation later)

“Really, none of us like it here but Fjord” “I don’t even know if he likes it a lot” 

Yes! Give me Jester picking up on Fjord’s general discomfort with the situation and how stressed and uneasy he is with how everything’s gone down!

For real though, if I have to see one more post talking about how Jester doesn’t actually care about the real Fjord or how he feels about this whole situation, this talk is one of the very many scenes imma shove on their faces passive-aggressively. 

“Well, there’s parts of it that he likes.” “Like Avantika” “I don’t know”

Rip my heart out, Laura Bailey, why don’t you!

“You’re sweet on him, ja?” “I don’t know...” “Yeah.” “It feels funny.” “How do you mean?”

THIS WHOLE THING WAS SUCH CALL BACK TO VEX AND VAX TALKING ABOUT PERCY THO

“Well, you know when you really like somebody but then you start to know them and you go ‘do I like them, or do I like what I thought they were’? And you don’t know.”

Mfking laura bailey giving us that character growth arc with sheltered naive Jester who believes in love at first sight and the romance all her books talked about and is now beginning to realize that real deep feelings are much stronger and complicated than all of that.

Like the way she says it “feels funny” really says so much.

And I know some people might take this as “oh so she never liked him for real” but I think that would mean taking this conversation entirely out of context. 

This whole arc, Fjord and Jester have had some very big moments together, and I think Jester’s confusion does not stem from being disillusioned with Fjord...

I think the fact is that she’s feeling more than she expected, she’s discovering she likes Fjord in a way she has no words for, in a way that makes her hurt when he talks to Avantika, that makes her confused about their interactions, second guessing his intentions and whether he’s fliriting back with her or not, overanalyzing what his gestures mean, like the kiss...

Jester is in Love with capital L and none of her mother’s teachings and experience have prepared her to handle it.

What I want to talk about here, though, is not about Jester’s confusion per se but how Travis and Matt react to this. Since if anyone is aware of what Fjord feels about this it would be the two of them.

“Do I like them or do I like what I thought they were?”

This is the face of a man who just realized his wife is taking her funny character’s crush and turning it into real feelings and he’s going to be fucked.

WHAT IS THAT LOOK YOU TWO. I CAN SEE YOU. WHAT DO YOU KNOW.

That is the face of a DM who is ready to take the most advantage of this situation in the future.

Bonus: Taliesin “I’ve been in the receiving end of this” Jaffe is enjoying this too much. He is just shaming Travis/Fjord for his bad choices.

“And then you think they are flirting with you but then you find out they probably weren’t, you know?”

Travis’s blush just tells me that there was flirting (which was pretty obvious, and Laura knows it)

“And you feel kinda sad about it and maybe a little stupid?”

LOOK AT THOSE FACES

Travis after that talk contemplating his life choices.

But for real, what kills me about that talk is how familiar it feels, and how confused Jester seems by Fjord’s hot and cold attitude, but she’s not ever blaming him for not liking her, or not living up to her fantasy standards, not even for leading her on,  instead, she’s blaming herself and feeling stupid for not comprehending right away all of these complicated emotions.

Caleb: “Tomorrow we get sorted out, we help Fjord figure out his shit.”

Jester: “Yeah, that’s important to him.”

TELL ME SHE DOESN’T CARE YOU DEMONS I’M WAITING

Also, thank god that Jester talked to Caleb about this because he’s the one person who gave her some sensible advice: let’s focus on surviving and once back on main land you can take your time to figure your feelings out.

He also brings up that this is important for Fjord, which she agrees on. So no matter what, feelings or not, they will support him through this as best as they can.

Which brings us to Caduceus’s an and Fjord’s talk.

I love this conversation in light of what Tal’s said about Caduceus’ point of view during last weeks Talks: he’s aware of how Fjord’s decision to sleep will Avantika will create friction within the group, especially with Jester.

C: “I think this place is dangerous. She is dangerous.” F: “That she is.” 

And Fjord tries to avoid the subject, but now that they are there, you can see Caduceus scrunch his face and take a stab at the subject:

C: “Fjord, you know why everybody is doing this, why we’re all here, right?”

And Fjord sighs heavily because, to a degree, I don’t think he understand the answer is “because we care about you and want to help you”. To Fjord, the answer is: “this is your fault, your responsibility”

F: “Yeah. I mean, I think.” C: “I think you know. I just wanna point it out ‘cause that woman, she doesn’t care what any of us want. I’m sure she’d be interested, but it’s way low in her priorities and I don’t trust anybody who keeps other people’s needs that low in the list. You should keep in mind all that, while you’re getting in bed with her, so to speak.”

Fjord: *panics*

Fjord: *desperately tries to convince Caduceus to keep this knowledge to himself*

And I think, Caduceus with his high AF perception, can tell why Fjord cares so much that this is kept from the others. It’s not like it’s something bad, it’s actually beneficial for their group as a whole (as iffy as that makes me because of the unequal power dynamic), and it has been suggested multiple times.... so what reason does Fjord have to keep it so fiercely in the down-low? 

Friction. 

“I think I get it. I’m not gonna talk out of term. I trust your intentions, so...”

And here’s a good part:

C: “You’re asking if I can tell that you’re conflicted?”

F: “No, I think that’s pretty clear.”

C: “You would be amazed, but alright.”

Because Caduceus knows that not everyone in the M9 —cough, Jester, cough— is convinced that this is all just a play on his part. 

Fjord goes on to reaffirm that he’s trying to keep Avantika close for the party’s good. 

okokokokok

MOVING ON

LET’S TALK ABOUT VERA’S TALK GO JESTER

LET’S TALK ABOUT VERA AFTER KNOWING THEM FOR LIKE 2 WEEKS SINGLING OUT JESTER AS THE PERSON WHO LOOKS AFTER FJORD

LET’S TALK ABOUT VERA TELLING JESTER TO LOOK AFTER FJORD BECAUSE AVANTIKA WILL HURT HIM

“He would not be the first she’s left in ruin. He would not be the last. I would take care of him, if he cannot.”

i am so frustrated that Laura/Jester seemed to misinterpret Vera’s warning help me god someone please bring it up on Talks or something because it will bother me forever

When they are planning: 

Caleb: What if Fjord keeps Avantika busy... 

Beau: Do we need to have him distract Avantika? Can’t we just go now?

...

Beau: And we can have [Caleb] make sure that [Fjord and Avantika] are busy. If you [Fjord] are comfortable with that. You don’t have a lot of a choice. 

FJORD

JESTER

*Nott keeps planning*

JESTER

J: Well, Caduceus is very perceptive. 

F *having flashbacks of Jester going down in the jungle*: THE TWO CLERICS ARE NOT GOING ON THE MISSION TOGETHER.

J: So we all wait until Fjord starts boning....

Fjord’s face journey tho

he is so confused help him

when your crush who was jealous is suddenly ok with u sleeping with someone else

wait i thought she liked me

Fjord’s worried overprotective mode ON as soon as Caduceus casually mentions that two guards stabbed each other and probably everything is pandemonium 

Jester saying they should frame Vera was clearly rooted on her misunderstanding Vera’s warning, but I really like that as soon as she thought someone was a direct threat to Fjord she was like “nope gotta get rid of them”.

Avantika’s notes talk about her having dreams about people who were close to her “chaining her back” and how she had to get rid of them...

...and we’ve seen hints of that with Vandrin and Sabien in Fjord’s dream the other time....

...but I’m calling it that we’ll eventually see Uk’otoa try to pit him against the M9 and the one he’s closest to is Jester by far and I’m sure we’re gonna get some dramatic moment out of it I can’t waiiiit

*After reading the journal*

J: Fjord, as you as crazy as she is? Because holy shit.

Fjord:

I LOVE THEM GOOFING AROUND PLS MAKE EACH OTHER SMILE IN THIS TRYING TIMES

and likek

thanks i love them

anyway

in two weeks

if they don’t die

tune in to see me keep screaming about this two, and cross your fingers for a one on one talk if they manage to get a breather away from Avantika

[penguin-writes-books]

Little White Lies - Chapter 7

TW: This chapter deals super closely with past abuse/trauma

"Cyrus I-" "I'm so sorry, I know it's way too personal. I tried to write something more generic, but Mrs. Bailey wouldn't let me do that so I had to get personal and I'm so sorry," Cyrus interrupted. "No, Cyrus, it- it's beautiful. Thank you," TJ said, wrapping his arms around Cyrus and pulling him into a hug. "Do you- do you wanna come over today? Our time to work kinda got cut short because you had to rewrite this." "Oh! Yeah, I'd like that. Let me just text my dad and go drop off my books in my locker? I'll meet you at your locker." "Sounds good," TJ said, starting out the door. Cyrus followed him, but they turned in opposite directions upon exiting the classroom. TJ turned around a few paces down the hall, a grin on his face as he called out to Cyrus. "Oh, and Underdog?" "Yeah?" Cyrus turned around, meeting his eyes with a smile. "I'm pretty sure you're dyeing me pink." "What?" Pink? Cyrus was dyeing him pink? What the hell did that mean? TJ merely smiled that stupidly perfect smile of his and started to leave. "You'll figure it out. See you in a few!" Cyrus smiled in spite of himself as he walked down the hall, a blush crawling up his neck as he remembered the way TJ had smiled at him, like Cyrus held the world in his eyes. "Hey, Cyrus!" Andi said, jogging up to him as Cyrus fished his phone from his pocket. "Andi!" Cyrus exclaimed, quickly texting his dad to tell him he was hanging out with TJ. "I feel like it's been forever since we hung out," Andi said sadly. "Can we today?" "Oh, I'm sorry! I have plans with TJ," Cyrus apologized. "Soon though, I promise." "Okay," Andi nodded. "How about I call you tonight? We can go for late night milkshakes at the Spoon?" "Sounds perfect. With Buffy?" "She's got a sleepover with the team tonight. The three of us can hang out this weekend, maybe?" Andi offered. Cyrus nodded with a grin, hugging her goodbye. "I've missed you two." "We've missed you more, Cy," Andi promised. "Oh my God! I forgot to tell you!" "What?" Cyrus asked, clearly worried. "No, no it's good. TJ and I ran into each other at the supermarket this morning. He told me to tell Amber how I feel." "Did you take his advice?" Cyrus asked excitedly, nearly bouncing on his toes as he put his books in his locker. "Not yet, not yet. But soon, maybe? I don't know, it's all so...scary." "It'll be great, A," Cyrus said, hugging her again. "Oh, I've got something to tell you too! I've gotta go, though." "What?! No, tell me!" "I want to think some more about it, kind of figure it out? I don't really even know what it meant yet," Cyrus said sheepishly, thinking to TJ's comment about dyeing him pink. "Ugh, alright, I'll call you tonight!" "You'd better," Cyrus laughed, ruffling Andi's hair as he passed her. He turned the corner, his feet hitting the floor the only noise in the hall as he walked. "There you are, Underdog! Ready to go?" TJ asked, leaning against his locker next to Amber. "Yup! Sorry, I ran into Andi. We had some...things to catch up on." Amber immediately glanced up upon hearing Andi's name, grinning at the mention of her friend. "Like what?" she asked, doing her best to maintain a straight face. "Best friend things," Cyrus chastised with a chuckle, shaking his head at Amber's clear feelings for Andi. "C'mon, let's get going," TJ said, tugging Cyrus and Amber toward the exit. "We stay here any longer, we're going to be given a damn mop and asked to cover for the night janitor." "Alright alright, we're going," Amber laughed, letting TJ push her down the hall.

They stepped into the warm September air, the sun pouring over them like water from a faucet. TJ glanced down at Cyrus, whose soft, dark eyes had melted into pools of molasses under the light. His glance morphed into a lingering gaze, but he was snapped from his musings by a sharp pain as Amber pinched his wrist. TJ swatted her hand away, mouthing a silent 'not now' as they walked. 'Then when?' Amber mouthed back, earning a vaguely gestured 'shut up' and a flick to the head as they turned onto the Kippens' street. Amber smiled and raised a knowing eyebrow, stepping forward to walk in front of the pair. They walked encased in a comfortable silence for a few moments, before turning up their driveway. Amber opened the door, only to slam it shut again. "Ambs? What's wrong?" TJ asked, rushing forward to rest a hand on Amber's shoulder. "Nothing," she said, taking a deep breath and shaking her head. "Hand just slipped." "...Okay?" TJ said, pulling the heavy front door open. "Oh." "What? What's happening?" Cyrus asked, stepping forward. Over TJ's shoulder, someone Cyrus had never seen before was sitting at the kitchen table. He seemed to be perfectly normal, dressed in jeans and a gray T-shirt, and the spitting image of TJ. Connecting dots one by one, Cyrus understood what was happening. "Cyrus, I- we can't hang out today, sorry. You should, um...You should go home." "TJ, I-" "Cyrus, go. Seriously." TJ interrupted. "But-" "Cyrus, just go home! God, do you ever just let it go? I don't need your help, Cyrus." Cyrus recoiled slightly, eyes falling to the ground. "TJ I just want to-" "STOP IT. You can't help us!" TJ roared, marching toward Cyrus, who merely walked backward in time with his footsteps. "Not if you don't fucking let me!" The curse felt awkward tumbling from his mouth, but it didn't matter. Not now. Not with TJ staring at him with tears welling in his eyes. "Listen to me, Cyrus. I know you don't get it because you live in two huge white houses and have more money than you know what to do with. You have four perfect, loving parents, and two best friends who'd kill for you. You get perfect grades. You have perfect clothes. "You can afford to not have to cover the electricity bill or the groceries every few months just to keep food on the table and a roof over your fucking family's heads. You never have to wonder where your next meal is going to come from, or if you can afford to miss another day of school to go to work. You never have to skip out on getting antidepressants just because your health insurance doesn't cover them and your family can't pay it out of pocket. Your life is perfect, and you don't have to lift a finger for it. "But mine isn't, Cyrus. I have one functional parent and one sister. I used to have two, but guess what? ONE'S DEAD. Amber, my mom and I fight and work every fucking day just to keep the lights on and the water running. "So I am sorry if you don't get to play the savior this time, Cyrus. I'm sorry if my life doesn't make you happy or satisfy your stupid fucking need to save every person you meet, but you don't get to fix me. Just go home." "I- I'm sorry," Cyrus said, pushing tears out of his eyes as he turned and rushed down the walkway and out of the neighborhood. "GodDAMNIT!" TJ yelled, kicking the railing on their porch as he watched Cyrus leave. "TJ," Amber said quietly, one hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry." "It's fine, Amber," TJ snapped, turning and pushing back through the front door.

Cyrus walked into his house with a sigh, dropping his keys on the table by the door. "Hey, kiddo," his dad said, stepping into the foyer to hug his son. "I thought you were hanging out with TJ." "I realized I have homework," Cyrus mumbled, eyes on the ground. His words were clipped, but somehow managed to bleed into one another like black and gray watercolors across a bright canvas. He pushed past his dad and started up the stairs. His footsteps, weighted with sadness and concern for TJ, fell heavily against the warm carpet beneath his toes. Ignoring his dad's worried knocking on his bedroom door, he pulled his laptop from his bag and plugged his earbuds into his phone. He fell onto his bed, the soft melody floating through his earbuds calming him slightly, and pushed his laptop open. As he opened Google Chrome, some of the residual worry for TJ that had settled into his very bones began to fall away, replaced with implacable determination. He quickly typed 'color pink meaning' into his search bar, scrolling through the results with languid interest, not really believing he'd find what he was looking for on the first try. However, as it turns out, TJ was very bad at leaving breadcrumbs. He'd instead opted to give Cyrus the whole loaf of bread, thus making his search infinitely easier. Cyrus found what he needed as soon as he started to pay attention to the links he was passing. Several connected pink to little girls and femininity, but neither concerned to Cyrus, as he was very sure he hadn't turned TJ into a little girl. What did stick out to him was the overwhelming consensus that the entirety of the internet had seemed to decide upon. Pink meant love. Apparently, pink was the color of falling asleep next to someone, of intertwined hands and smiling into kisses. It was the color of falling in love with someone before you were entirely finished falling in love with the way they walk down the hall. Pink was the color of the blush that fell upon his cheeks whenever TJ smiled at him. Cyrus Goodman was in love with TJ Kippen. He was in love with the boy who wanted nothing to do with him.

"What are you doing here?" TJ asked, closing the door behind him and moving to stand slightly in front of Amber, taking her hand. "What, you didn't miss me?" Vincent asked, standing from his chair. "No, we really didn't," Amber said, fighting to even her voice. Behind TJ's back, she silently texted their mom the most definite message she could write fast enough. Dad's back.

Jennifer rushed into the house as something shattered, most likely a picture frame.

"Vince! What the fuck are you doing here?" she asked, quickly pushing Amber and TJ toward their rooms. "I have a restraining order out on you, you know that." "I'm here to see my kids," Vince said with a shrug that sent a frightened chill down Jennifer's back. "No the hell you're not," she responded, pulling her phone from her bag and dialing 911. "What do you think you're doing?!" She quickly detailed what was happening and where they were to the operator, who told her help was on the way. "You'll regret that, Jen." "Oh no, I won't." Jennifer looked up at him, ignoring the voice in her head screaming to run, her eyes narrow. "You listen to me this time. You are not going to lay a hand on my children or come near us ever again." She kept talking until she could hear sirens, at which point Vincent finally tipped over the boiling point.

"Hey, kiddos," Jennifer said quietly, opening TJ's door. "Are you two okay?" "I-I don't know," TJ stammered, one arm around Amber, who was crying, the heels of her palms continuously shoving tears away. "I'll take that as a no," she said, closing the door behind her and sitting on the end of TJ's bed. "What happened?" "He was here when we got home from school, so I sent Cyrus home." "Cyrus was here?" "Yeah, we were going to work on our project for health class. I made him go home, because I didn't want him to get hurt," TJ mumbled. "But I think I might have hurt him in the process." "I'll be back to that later. Did Vince hurt you two?" "N-no," Amber stuttered. "I thought he would, but he just broke a picture frame of you, me, TJ, and Molly." "I'll get a new one," Jennifer promised. "What did he even want?" TJ asked, silently handing Amber a box of tissues. "Said he wanted to raise his own kids," Jennifer mumbled with a shrug. "That's not fair! He broke us, he doesn't get to put us back together again!" Amber yelled, anger seeping into her tears. "I know, kiddo. I said the same thing. Listen, how about I go clean up and make some food? You two probably have a lot of homework after your first day, huh?" As Amber and TJ nodded, Jennifer smiled slightly, standing and leaving the room. She let the door shut behind her with a gentle click, sighing as she walked down the hall. On the kitchen floor next to the fridge lay a shatter picture frame. The wood was splintered, the glass fractured into tiny pieces and spread around the frame. She crouched near the mess, reaching forward to gently pull the still intact photo from the debris. Sighing, she set it on the counter and turned to sweep the glass and wood into a dustpan. When she dumped it into the garbage, she paused to look around their house. She'd fought for years to obtain the life they led, but she knew damn well it wasn't all it was supposed to be. Her kids were her life, but was this life enough for them?

[racingtoaredlight]

Playing bass with a pick

On the left is Victor Wooten, arguably the greatest living bass player.  The dude in the middle is a long-time session bassist and current head of the bass department at Berklee, Steve Bailey.  Carol Kaye, a legendary session bass player known for using a pick is on the right.

One of the annoying dick measuring contests in music regards playing bass with a pick.  Guys who have played bass their whole lives like to throw it at guitar players who use one when they just make the transition...likely jealousy over the fact guitar players get laid and bassists don’t.

Anyways, people who criticize bass players that choose to use a pick are morons.  There is absolutely nothing wrong whatsoever about using a pick...in fact, given the sheer amount of legendary music made by a bassist using a pick, it’s an easier argument to say that it’s essential if you want to be a comprehensive bass player.

Real quick before the jump...Carol Kaye’s got the biggest dick of the three at the top.  This is totally going to be a flagged post too lol.

***

It’s a whole different ballgame when you use a pick instead of your fingers to pluck the strings.  Shit, you can even hear the difference right here, towards the end when Bobby Vega switches to his fingers for the lil flourish finale.

*I want to take a second before we go any farther to tell you that Bobby Vega is a fucking goddamned Godzilla of a bass player, and it’s a goddamned crime that he’s not famous.

When you use a pick, it’s not just a different way of causing the strings to make noise.  The attack and the way you phrase your lines takes on a completely different feel, and there’s a lot of new techniques available to you based on how you hold the pick that aren’t when you’re using your fingers.

If you watch the video above, you’ll likely notice two sonic qualities that you don’t typically see when you watch bassists use their right hand the traditional way.  First is the sharp, distinct snap caused by the hard plastic pick compared to the soft, pliable flesh of your hands.  The next would be the way he mutes the strings with his palm, keeping those notes from ringing out and creating this thud-like sound.

In a vacuum, you might not think that sounds all that great.  But you use this sound in the context of a band and I guarantee you the bass will cut through the mix and be distinctly heard.

The other thing I like about using a pick is how it drastically changes your approach to playing.  With my fingers, I’m driving everything with my right hand...it’s the engine while my right hand keeps relatively in place, essentially making sure that those fundamental notes are played with a groovy rhythm at the expense of playing melodic lines.

When I use a pick, all those old guitar muscle memories start flooding back, and instead of being right-hand focused, both hands are working in unison...sometimes the left hand takes the lead with lines legato lines aided by the sharp attack of the pick, sometimes the right hand takes over for strong driving rhyhtms...it’s definitely more of a team effort when I’m using a pick.

***

Between Carol Kaye and Joe Osborn alone, pick-playing bassists have been responsible for recording over 50,000,000,000,000 albums being sold.

No that’s not true, but it’s not that far off either.  One of the reasons why those two legendary session bassists used the pick so much was because it’s the easiest way to get a clear, solid, distinct sound while controlling the amount of overtones and harmonics.

In a studio setting, that’s almost the entire job in terms of getting a quality bass sound...and it eliminates so many variables that it really doesn’t even matter what instrument you’re playing.  Carol Kaye played a bunch of Asian-made pointy Dragonball Z looking garbage basses after putting down the P-Bass.

...hold on, lets remember her in better times.

...there we go.

Anyways, she used a bunch of bullshit while Joe Osborn used the same Jazz Bass for almost his entire career.  He was starting to make a name for himself using a P-Bass when Fender came to him in 1960 and was like “hey man, wanna try this?”  Osborn is a small dude with tiny hands, and the narrower neck on the JB appealed to him.  He never used the bridge pickup on the bass he used for virtually his entire career...playing with a pick and muting the strings with his left hand was close enough for him.

***

Almost all punk has been recorded on some variant of a Fender P-Bass using a pick.  But punk isn’t real music and we won’t be talking about it.

***

Sting uses a pick.

***

I’ve kinda said my point already so we’ll just go back to Bobby Vega.  I love how the chick right behind him snaps around once he gets the groove rolling lololol.

UPDATE...I can’t embed it, but it’s only 42 seconds and I suggest you click for something that’ll barely elicit a snort.

To finish this thing up, playing bass with a pick is the same as just about anything else I’ve talked about in regards to music...it’s still all about the musician using it.

[torn-and-frayed]

With All My Heart - Part 13

Word Count: 3196

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: Self loathing, Horrible terrible no good very bad smut 

A/N: Thanks to @percywinchester27 @impalaimagining and @sis-tafics for reading this over for me. 

A/N #2: This is the reason I don’t write smut, right here, in all its glory, you’ve been warned. 

Feedback and Constructive Criticism Always Appreciated

With All My Heart Masterlist

“How is she, really? No bullshit?” Gavin questioned Emma. You’d been driving for awhile and had stopped for a few breaks for you to get out and stretch your legs. Gavin and Emma both thought you were asleep in the backseat when truthfully you were hovering in the space between awake and asleep.

 “She’s…coping.” Emma finally answered, hesitating, trying to find the right words. “The whole heart infection and then replacing the valve, it took a lot out of her. For awhile I was afraid she was spiraling, but Jensen – Gavin he really pulled her out. He kept her head above water.”

 “What do you mean?” Gavin glanced at Emma quickly, putting his eyes straight back on the road, but he was clearly intrigued by what she meant.

 “Well, not only did he keep her out of the hospital by paying for all the medical equipment at his house so she could get all the antibiotics at home –“

 “He did that?” Gavin interrupted. “Like they were barely even together then and he just did that?”

 “Yeah.” Emma nodded. “It was never a question. But beyond that stuff, every time she started feeling down he brought her back up. He’d take her out to do something; he’d bring people to her. He just did every single thing he could do to make her not feel like an invalid. Gav, he’d give her the world. She wouldn’t even have to ask. Plus, Jared and Gen are great too. She didn’t just get Jensen she got an entire family.”

 Gavin gripped the wheel firmly in one hand, tensing his fist and letting it go, letting out a deep sigh. “What?” Emma asked. “What could possibly bother you about that?”

 “Nothing.” Gavin said, hesitating and clenching his jaw. “I just…I should’ve been here for her and I wasn’t.” Gavin hesitated again, Emma’s silence telling him he needed to keep going, to explain himself. “I’m not in love with her if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s not like that. I didn’t come here to fight with Jensen over her. I just – I promised her once I’d always be there for her and then I joined the Marines and I fucked that up. She needed me and I wasn’t here. How many guys walked all over her because I wasn’t here? She could’ve died and I wasn’t here.”

 “I don’t blame you.” You murmured sleepily from the back seat. “It was your job. It’s not like you didn’t wanna be here. You can’t just drop everything for me, Gavin.”

 “You weren’t supposed to hear that.” Gavin sighed. “Thought you were asleep.”

 “She’s right, though.” Emma said, reaching out and grabbing her brother’s free hand. “I know you think protecting us is your job but we’re big girls and we make our own decisions.”

 “I chose to date all those shitty men because I didn’t think I deserved better. That’s not on you. It’s not your job to fix me. And my heart? You couldn’t have fixed that. Nobody could’ve. Jensen being there was just the right place, right time.” Gavin nodded his understanding, swallowing thickly and going silent for a time, staring at the open road. You really wished in that moment you had the ability to read thoughts, not knowing what he was thinking was killing you.

 “Get some rest, Pipsqueak.” Gavin said, giving you a quick glance in the rearview mirror. “We should be there by morning.”

 The next morning when you arrived at the hotel, Jared met you immediately in the parking garage, trying to keep you hidden. You could barely help yourself, throwing yourself directly into his chest and burying your face in his shirt as soon as you saw him. “I missed you.”

 “Missed you too, gorgeous.” Jared laughed, hugging you so tight you could barely breathe. “Not as much as Jensen though, he’s driving me crazy. I’m so glad you’re here. You look so much healthier.” Jared’s eyes made their way toward Gavin who cleared his throat behind you.

 “Oh, shit, I’m sorry.” You abruptly pulled away, turning and pulling Jared toward Gavin. “Jared this is Gavin, Emma’s brother. Gavin, this is Jared.”

 Jared extended his hand and Gavin took it right away with a smile, something you were grateful for. A part of you was afraid they wouldn’t get along but they seemed to be just fine, and if he got along with Jared chances of him liking Jensen were far higher. “Thank you.” Gavin said unexpectedly. “For you know, giving her a job when her fuckstick of an old boss fired her for being sick. And being so understanding of everything and being there for her as a brother when I couldn’t be. You seem like a good guy.”

 “Y/N’s family now.” Jared pulled you in to a side hug, kissing the top of your head. “Whatever she needs, she gets.”

 “Told you.” Emma smirked, leaning against Gavin’s SUV. “Are we gonna take this stuff inside to an actual room or are we gonna stay in the parking garage forever?”

 “I might’ve managed to snag Emma and Gavin a 2 room suite.” Jared shrugged, holding out the keys. “Y/N/N you can shove your stuff in there for now but I don’t think you’ll be sleeping there tonight.”

 “No.” You laughed and shook your head. “God I hope not.” Jared moved away from you and started to help Gavin with the bags, easily draping some over his shoulders and pulling your rolling suitcase behind him. “Jared, I can help. At least give me the little one before you throw your back out.”

 “No.” Jared scoffed. “They’re not heavy, I got em. Just shut up and walk with me. We gotta talk about how this surprise is gonna go.”

 “Ok, so how is it gonna go?” Jared held the door for everyone, letting you all inside. Emma and Gavin walked ahead of you, having their own sibling conversation while Jared and you trailed behind, planning exactly how to surprise Jensen. “What am I supposed to do?”

 “Well, later today we’re filming this like, interview game thing.” Jared explained. “It’s out on a boat kinda nearby. I was thinking you could do it then unless you wanna wait until the party tonight.”

 “No!” You interjected, perhaps a little bit too enthusiastically. “I can’t wait that long. I need to see him.” Jared laughed at you, raising his eyebrows and shaking his head.

 “You really miss him, huh? God you might be worse than him. You’re pretty much all he talks about.” Jared sighed. “I’ve never seen him so damn love struck. It’s disgusting, really. What have you done to him?”

 You punched Jared hard in the shoulder, making him recoil from you with a loud grunt. “You’re so mean!”

 “You love me.”

 “Maybe.” You sighed in defeat, catching up to Emma and Gavin at the elevator. “I’ll never admit to it.”

 Once you got to the hotel room you quickly showered and changed clothes, practically skipping back into the living area where Emma and Gavin had ordered food. “Awesome, I’m starving.” You took a seat and dug into the waffles and fruit, moaning at the taste and shoving more in your mouth like you hadn’t eaten in days. Gavin and Emma both glared at you in a mixture of annoyance and humor and you shrugged your shoulders, swallowing your food. “What? I’ve been forced to eat heart healthy and this is fucking delicious. I’m allowed to love my food.”

 “You can love it without making obscene sex noises with it.” Emma deadpanned, staring at you. “Save that for Jensen.” You launched a strawberry at her, hitting her dead center in the forehead. “Hey!”

 “Fucking children.” Gavin chuckled with his mouth full.

 “Well, this has been great but I gotta get going.” You quickly cleaned up the mess you had made and grabbed your bag, making your way toward the door when Gavin jumped up.

 “Wait, wait, wait. I’m driving you. I wanna meet him.” Gavin protested. “You’re not driving yourself.”

 “You’re right. I’m not.” You rested your hands on Gavin’s biceps, speaking to him slowly and carefully. “Jared got the network to send a driver. You need to sleep you drove for almost a day. Emma’s staying to make sure you actually get some rest. You’ll get to meet him later.”

 “No, Y/N, I’m fine.” Gavin argued. “I wanna meet him.”

 “You, Gavin Bailey, are exhausted.” You shoved him toward the bedroom, pushing him and walking him back toward the bed. “You, Gavin Bailey, are going to get some sleep.”

 “Alright, bossy.” Gavin sighed and finally gave in, sitting down on the bed and kicking off his boots. “I’ll take a nap for you, but I want you to tell me you got to where you’re going without an issue. Send me a text, I’ll hear it.”

 “You’ll be asleep, genius.” You sassed back.

 “I’ll hear it. Light sleeper.” Gavin said softly. “I kinda had to be…over there.” You saw his eyes glaze over for a split second before touching his shoulder, calling him back.

 “She’ll send you a text.” Emma stepped in; apparently knowing full well her brother needed rest and wasn’t going to get it without being forced. “Now let her go.”

 You kissed Gavin’s cheek and bounded for the door, a newfound pep in your step. “I’ll be back later! With Jensen! Get some sleep, both of you!”

 Your nervous energy built up in the car on the way to the boat Jensen was and now that you were there, in the same space as him, so close but yet so far, you felt like you might implode. You could hear him laughing, you could smell his soap and cologne, but he had no idea you were anywhere other than where you’d told him you were.

 Misha, Jared, and Jensen were seated in front of a camera, playing a quiz game about how well they knew each other. They had white boards and the questions just lent themselves to jokes. You were trying not to laugh at them, knowing Jensen would hear you and recognize your laugh right away. Jared kept casting small glances your way, knowing exactly where you were but unable to see you.

 “Who would survive a zombie apocalypse?” Jensen read the next question and held his white board close to his chest, thinking to himself.

 Jared and Misha used the question to make fun of each other, you expected nothing less. Jensen picked Jeffrey Dean Morgan then immediately pulled his white board back and shook his head. “Can I change my answer?” Jensen asked and began furiously erasing and rewriting, turning the board back around. “I choose Y/N.” He giggled. “She’ll kill me when she sees this but part of her heart is bionic now so I don’t think she can become a zombie.”

 Jared threw his head back and cackled along with Misha. “You’re right. She’s totally gonna kill you.” Jared laughed. “You’re lucky she can take a joke.”

 “Is it really a joke if he’s right, though? I’m zombie proof.” You walked out from the shadows, making your presence known. Jensen’s head whipped around and he shot out of his chair, running forward and grabbing you gently around the waist.

 “What are you –“ You didn’t let him finish, too eager to see him, to feel him. You grabbed around his neck, pulling him down and slamming your lips against his, grabbing fistfuls of his hair, not giving a damn who was watching.

 “We should probably end the live stream there.” Misha laughed. “Before this becomes pornographic.”

 Jensen broke the kiss long before you were ready and you chased his lips forward, eliciting a giggle from him. “How did you get here? You’re not allowed to fly yet.”

 “Gavin and Emma drove for like a day and a half.” Your smile was so big it was practically lighting up the room and Jensen’s was just as big. His hands moved up your back, pulling you into his chest. “Jared set us up at the hotel. Got me a driver here.”

 “You knew?” Jensen spun around, glaring at Jared. “And you managed not to say anything?”

 “I told Misha.” Jared shrugged.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

“You’re both assholes.” Jensen said and you laughed, cuddling closer to him.

 “Be nice, Jens.” You admonished, slapping his chest. “They helped get me here, they didn’t have to, ya know.”

 “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” He grumbled, nuzzling his nose in your hair. “Best surprise ever. How are you? Do you need anything?”

 You nodded your head yes and yanked on his cream colored jacket, pulling him back down to you and crashing your lips to his, practically growling when they connected. You couldn’t have pulled yourself any closer to him if you tried, but damn if you didn’t try. His warmth, his touch, his smell, you needed him. You didn’t realize just how much until you were standing there in his arms again.

 “Get a room.” Jared and Misha complained in unison. “A hotel room not this one.” Misha added.

 “They’re right. We should go back to my room.” Jensen said against your lips.

 “Don’t you have photo shoots and big time celebrity stuff to do?” You questioned, making him laugh and squeeze you tighter.

 “I have time before I have to do all the big time celebrity stuff.” He murmured. You squealed in surprise when he swept you completely off your feet, carrying you toward the dock.

 The two of you barely made it back into the hotel room and slammed the door shut before clothes started flying in every direction. The giggle that escaped your lips was almost embarrassing as the two of you clumsily kissed and yanked at each other’s clothes, bumping into furniture and walls on your way into the bedroom where you fell naked into the king size bed with Jensen hovering over you, staring down at you with nothing but love.

 “Beautiful.” Jensen murmured, trailing kisses down your neck.

 “No.” You mumbled, moving your hands to cover your scar, suddenly acutely aware of it and self-conscious. In your haste to get to Jensen, you’d forgotten about it entirely but now you didn’t want him to see your deformed body.

 “Don’t.” Jensen grabbed your hands easily in one of his, sitting back and pulling them away from your chest. He pinned them above your head and brought his lips down to your scar, kissing a path down it setting your skin ablaze. “This is beautiful.” He mumbled, each word punctuated by another kiss. Your back arched up into him as you watched him, not seeing a shred of dishonesty on his face. You believed him. He found you beautiful, despite the hideous purple, jagged scar on your chest.

 “Need you.” You whined, forcing your hands free and grabbing his hair, yanking him back to your face, kissing him deeply. You wrapped your legs around his waist, feeling his length bump your entrance and bucked your hips against him. “Please.”

 “Are you sure?” Jensen rested his forehead against yours, placing a gentle kiss against your lips. “We haven’t…I mean not since…are you sure you’re healed enough?”

 “We can go slow.” You nodded. “But I’m fine. I just…Jensen I need you.”

 That was all Jensen needed to hear. You bit your lip, moaning as he slowly pushed into you, stretching you slowly until he finally bottomed out. “Fuck.” Jensen groaned.

 He stayed still, his weight comfortable on top of you, staring at your face, searching for any sign of discomfort from you. “You can move.” You breathed, cupping his face in one hand, running your thumb along his cheekbone.

 He moved torturously slow, his cock dragging against you igniting a fire within you. Your hips matched his, lazily, thrust for thrust. He was still gazing down on your face, looking at you longingly. No man had ever looked at you the way Jensen did, and that act alone was enough to almost make you come undone.

 Jensen’s hand was suddenly in your hair, pulling your head back to expose your neck, while he nipped and sucked his way down. His other hand found its way to your breast, kneading it in his strong hand. You clenched your eyes shut, wrapping your arms around his back and digging your nails into his shoulder blades, panting and gasping his name, your heart pounding against your chest.

 “I’m gonna –“

 “I know.” Jensen coaxed, running his fingers through your hair to calm you. He wanted to do more, to completely ravage you, but he didn’t want to overwhelm or hurt you. “Come for me, sweetheart.”

 The fire inside you erupted with Jensen’s name on your lips and you clenched around him as he came inside you, peppering kisses over every inch of skin he could find. This wasn’t about just sex. This was a new stage in your relationship. Yes, you’d both said “I love you” and meant it before, but this was new, different, with much deeper meaning.

 He started to roll of you and you pulled him back, wanting his weight on top of you, loving the added security it brought. His forehead came to rest against yours as you both caught your breath and he nuzzled his nose against yours, kissing you quickly and gently. You tried to stop the tears from building in your eyes, but you couldn’t, and one escaped despite your best efforts. “Are you alright?” His eyes showed nothing but genuine love and concern, just like always. “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

 “No, no.” You shook your head. “God, no. I just – I love you so much and you are so much more than I deserve.” You murmured, reaching your hand up to trace the contours of his face.

 “You deserve everything.” Jensen smiled, kissing the tears away and rolling to his side, bringing you with him, never breaking apart. “I’m the one who got lucky. I got you. Someone who didn’t care about me being a celebrity and just wanted me for me. Do you know how hard that is to find?” You shook your head, your eyes starting to flutter shut as you cuddled into Jensen’s neck, inhaling his scent that you’d missed so much.

 “I need you to stop thinkin’ you don’t deserve me, Y/N. Because you do.” Jensen said lowly, rubbing circles on your bare back. “I’ll remind you all day every day if I have to.” Jensen shifted, resting his head on your chest. “You’re going to the photo shoot with me in a few hours, right? And the after party?”

 “Wouldn’t miss it.” You slurred, letting sleep overtake you. Jensen kissed your scar again and reached for the alarm clock on the bedside table; setting it so you wouldn’t be late for the magazine’s photo shoot. He didn’t dare get out of bed and risk waking you to find his phone which was somewhere in his pants, strewn around the hotel room.

 Once the alarm was set he positioned his ear back over your heart, letting the steady rhythm of your heart slowing down as you drifted more deeply asleep lull him to sleep. 

With All My Heart - Part 14 (coming soonish) 

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[sobdasha]

I know tomorrow’s ep is gonna ruin me

so I might as well start a ~thoughtful post~ about it ahead of time.

Specifically, the thing I anticipate wrecking me the most is that Tohru's "let's go home" speech to Kyou isn't a love-and-acceptance speech.

It's a fuck-you speech.

I wanted to do a meta post about this because while this is a very powerful moment and gives me very powerful feels, I've also always kind of not got it? Like what makes this moment with Tohru special? Because she's scared? Other people were scared too, the fact that they tried to deny it kind of proves how scared they were. And Kyou said she didn't have to love everything and she kind of basically said "too bad I love everything anyway" so how was that a compelling argument? Everyone else here (Kazuma, Kagura) has behaved selfishly so why does Tohru's selfishness fix the problem?

Like with that Hiro post, I figure if I just keep pondering and typing eventually I'll figure it out and go "oh snap Takaya's brilliant"

Anyway.

I've always been tempted to read Tohru's "let's go home" speech to Kyou as a love-and-acceptance speech. Which is a waste of a good resource, and a huge disservice, because thinking that way tends to reduce Tohru to the Mary Sue stereotype that Hiro accuses her of being--all Tohru has to do is stand there and say a few nice things and suddenly everyone's problems melt away? Seriously?

((Doing more skimming research later in this post, it turns out I'd completely forgotten that Akito and Kyou literally have a whole conversation about this, where Akito's like "wow St. Tohru is unreal" and Kyou's like "you literally missed the point tho." My bias for Yuki as favorite character instead of Best Boy Kyou is unfortunately strong, guys.))

Which is probably why I find the True Form arc to be a bit forgettable when I don't have it open in front of me. And also why I've always found it a little illogical. While I love the end results, why is this particular love-and-acceptance speech, at this specific time, actually effective for Kyou?

Kyou's received a lot of love-and-acceptance speeches in his life, and to be quite honest he doesn't believe them. He has no faith in them. And he's got logic here.

Kyou's mother always told him she loved him, she loves her son, she's proud of her son, you're not a monster you're just...under an evil spell temporarily, and I'm not scared at all. She talked the talk, but Kyou was always sensitive to the fact that her actions didn't necessarily match her words (she was always, always scared, I think. Maybe a bit of Kyou, but mostly of her husband). And when it became too much and she gave up on herself and her future and took her own life, well. Kyou knew exactly how empty "love and acceptance" was.

Kagura was the first one to play with Kyou when they were kids, and she's devoted her life to telling Kyou that she loves him, she loves everything about him. But when she saw Kyou's True Form she ran away, kept her distance for a while, and then came back and pretended nothing had ever happened and restarted her dating campaign with a vengeance. It's not clear to me whether Kyou ever realized that Kagura started paying attention to him out of pity, but I suspect it's something he's pretty good at picking up on.

Kazuma adopts Kyou out of a mix of pity and an attempt to atone for his past behavior, like Kagura, and honestly I'd forgotten that Kyou literally says a couple of times that he suspects pity was a factor. But their relationship grows beyond that pity, even Kyou is sensitive to that, and it's not something he holds against Kazuma. So I'm sure Kazuma gives Kyou plenty of earnest love-and-acceptance speeches, given that he loves and accepts his son. But even so it's complicated for Kyou, and those speeches can't make Kyou love and accept himself.

Tohru, of course, gives all the Soumas plenty of love-and-accepting speeches, and Kyou is no exception, Kyou you have a plum on your back. This doesn't serve to make Kyou like himself so much as it serves to make Kyou like her.

This time, though. This time that's not the kind of speech Tohru gives Kyou. Look at Tohru's face, right as she turns around. She's determined and she's pissed.

This is a good character development for Tohru! I think this is her first real, stubborn attempt to be selfish without someone having pushed her towards it first.

Kyou has just hurt Tohru, physically and emotionally. Get the fuck away, he tells her. I can't stand you, he tells her. I don't ever want to see you again, he tells her, and if I do I'll take my claws to your face next time.

And Tohru starts to go. This whole thing is overwhelming and it's only been like 10 minutes and she hasn't processed at all yet. She's hurt, she's really hurt, but most of all she doesn't want to be a bother, she doesn't want to be a burden, she doesn't want to be hated, Kyou has clearly expressed his feelings and she should respect that.

And then Tohru stops and draws herself up and makes that face.

And runs back.

And grabs Kyou and tells him, fuck you, what about my feelings, come home. I literally don't understand what the fuck is going on, I'm sick and I'm scared and come home. I don't want you to give up on yourself, but you don't get to give up on me before you've even given me a chance to process this and decide if I'm okay keeping you in my life. And guess what, fucker, I still want you in my life so come home because I don't want to live in a house that doesn't have you in it. You told me to tell you that so listen. You have to return the favor and tell me when you're upset and let me care about you so just come home.

Obviously Tohru phrases it differently but I feel like that's the accurate gist of the hysterics lol.

Tohru doesn't say "oh it's okay I love you it's not...it's not that scary! Trust me!", which is a thing Kyou has learned not to trust.

Tohru says "I know this sucks but bitch what about me" which is, honestly, one of the things Kyou feels in regards to his mom that he's yet to unpack, so this really resonates with him. This is real.

(It's real and it's raw and Laura Bailey is going to destroy me and I can't wait to actually be debilitated by the True Form arc.)

I don't have a good transition but now I wanna talk about Kyou's relationship with pity

Pity in regards to Kyou is something that comes up a lot throughout the series. Kagura befriends Kyou out of pity so that she can feel good about herself. Kazuma pities Kyou after seeing the shit the Cat has to go through and takes him in. Kazuma worries that Tohru might only be with Kyou out of pity, like his grandmother towards his grandfather. I believe Shigure tells Tohru at one point "seriously did you really think we don't all know about Kyou and we aren't all pitying him and saying 'thank god it's not me, I'm getting off great compared to the Cat' to ourselves in secret?" And of course, Kyou himself says that he doesn't want or need Tohru's pity during the True Form confrontation.

Pity can be condescension and looking down on someone. Pity is something unequal, compared to compassion, something that might imply insult, something that's embarrassing to receive because it implies you can't get compassion on your own merits or your own level. And pity is something forced.

Thinking about this, I think Kyou can actually really relate to Rin (which might be part of why he was so jealous that she might take Shishou from him when Kazuma got concerned about her welfare, that similarity, in addition to the obvious fact that Kyou has just got a good thing and it's his good thing and don't take it from him). Rin's parents, presumably out of some combo of pride and pity and status, decided to force themselves to make a good show of being a happy family. And because they forced themselves to "love" Rin, it went to hell in a bullet train when it broke.

Kyou's mom went a similar-enough way. She tried to put on a show of normalcy, tried to force herself to be okay and say all the right, loving things to Kyou while her husband kept telling her that she'd shamed him, bad enough to have a cursed child but of all the Zodiac you gave birth to the cat monster, you should have died rather than have that child, we'd all be better off if you'd do us a favor and just die. And when the pressure got to be too much, she did just that.

So I think it's not unreasonable that Kyou might have separately come to the same conclusion that Rin does. Pity--forced love--breaks people. People who feel compelled to love you will get burnout and possibly explode and definitely have their lives ruined. (This is why Rin doesn't want to rely on Haru, doesn't want Yuki to rely on Haru, doesn't want anyone to rely on Tohru.)

This is, I think, half of why Kyou distances himself from people. Half of it is to protect himself, because obviously he doesn't like getting hurt. But half of it is to protect other people, because he doesn't want them getting hurt.

He does it with Tohru, trying not to get close to her (he already killed her mom, the least he could do is just never get involved with her again), trying to run her off during the True Form arc by hurting her so badly that she won't regret having nothing to do with him again. He does it to Kazuma, yelling "He's not my dad!" so people will stop saying the shit they associate with Kyou to Kazuma as well (directly after the True Form, Kyou levels up his character development and tells Kazuma that one day he'll be worthy of calling Shishou his dad in public, which is good, although the fact that Kyou still thinks he is currently not someone Kazuma can claim as a son without shame is a development Kyou will have to work on later).

And, ohhh shit, I'm pretty sure Kyou does this with Kagura too. Kagura says that Kyou is the first one to pull back after their own True Form incident (she later admits to herself that no, actually, the first one to pull away was her because she never invested herself in their friendship in the first place because pity). And that is probably, again, partly because Kagura freaked out and ran off and just left Kyou there, and Kyou doesn't want any further rejection from her. Partly because it probably got around, and Kyou's dad made sure Kyou's mom heard about it, and Kyou's mom tried to make peace by keeping a tighter rein on Kyou.

But before the incident, Kyou and Kagura are really good friends, and Kyou really enjoys being with her. After the incident, after they mutually avoid each other, after Kagura comes back around and pretends that nothing happened, after Kagura reaffirms that she loves Kyou no matter what, that's when Kyou starts pushing back for her to leave him alone.

Maybe it's just Kyou's usual touchiness and I'm reading too much into it. It's not terribly long after the incident that Kyou's mother ends her life, and Kyou's being blamed for it instead of being allowed to grieve, and he blames himself, and after that he's a different kid and he's really prickly and quick to anger around everyone except Shishou.

But I don't think it's unreasonable to put forward that Kyou still liked Kagura as a friend, and he saw how Kagura reacted, and pretending nothing was wrong was part of what killed his mom, and if he still likes Kagura as a friend then the best thing Kyou can do for her is to shove her forcefully away from him, over and over, until she stops associating with him and getting hurt because of it. Before she gets hurt badly.

Like I put somewhere in an earlier post, Kyou doesn't like Kagura romantically. He certainly doesn't like having his space violated and his feelings ignored. But he (grudgingly) lets her get a way with a lot that speaks to a certain tenderness towards her. Especially later, during Kagura's confession--he's not warm and he's not close and open to her, but he also listens to Kagura, he forgives her, he says thank you, and when she runs to him he lets her cry into his shirt until she's through. You aren't that accommodating to someone you don't care about.

(On the flip side, it occurs to me that--for all that Kagura is a jealous rival of Tohru for Kyou's love--Kagura doesn't come around and act like it much. As Tohru points out, Kagura's really been holding back. I think that Kagura's being honest when she adds at the end of her confession that she really did come to love Kyou after all. It's unrequited, and she's always known that, and she's been struggling with it since Tohru came into the picture. But I think deep down she does like Kyou enough to want him to be happy, and she's realizing that he might be able to be happy with Tohru in a way he can't be with Kagura, and it's super embarrassing and painful to have to admit that to herself, but she's been working on letting go even though she herself doesn't want to be doomed to a life of unloved loneliness, which is what she believes will happen if she lets go of Kyou. Kagura, like Hiro, has character development struggles that are mostly internal.)

Things I only just realized about Kyouru

I have talked before about the fact that Kyou and Tohru's relationship works because they can get to the heart of each other and really see each other and connect on the same level in a way no one else does with them. What I did not really think of, at the time, is that Kyou and Tohru are actually very similar. They actually have a very similar problem.

Which just goes to show my intense Yuki bias, because Kyou has flat-out said over and over again that he believes himself to be a burden and I guess I didn't notice??

And I've just spend so much time saying that this is Tohru's biggest anxiety.

They differ a bit in the execution. Tohru considers herself as starting off at a net zero, basically: she doesn't exactly think her existence is problematic, but she doesn't feel that she offers any worth or value to compensate for the efforts she takes from other people, so she's terrified of being a burden and thus causing people to resent and hate and reject her.

Kyou considers himself as starting off at a negative: he has nothing of any worth to offer to people around him, and he believes that just being around him is actively detrimental to other people, so he just assumes people naturally hate him and avoids everyone and pushes away people who try to get close to him, especially people he loves. (He makes some exceptions when he really really loves, like keeping Shishou at arm's length in some regards but basking in his dad the rest of the time, and giving into his fondness for Tohru even though he knows it's going to go bad.)

Tohru's had her worldview reinforced by being abandoned by a young and grieving Kyouko. Kyou's had his worldview enforced by being told that people who are kind to him die of it.

Kyou's mom loved him more than anyone; Kyou's mom died for him/died because it's his fault. Kyouko was nice to Kyou; Kyou's secret is safe at the cost of Kyouko dying from that car. The beads that keep sealed the Cat's true form are made from the bones and blood of a priest; the way people retell the story implies that Kyou straight-up murdered this guy ages ago, or at least that Kyou's taking advantage of a sacrifice that was forced and not willing. (I mean honestly it could go either way, but lately I've been thinking that it seems unlikely you'd go murder some holy guy to make some beads to seal up a cat monster that you hate when you could just murder the cat monster, don't tell me olden days Souma wouldn't just find that simpler; it seems to me like the sort of effort you'd go through for someone you actually cared minimally about, and that the priest probably devoted himself to holiness for just such a reason, probably offered to have a holy death and create a protective relic. Not that that would make Kyou feel any better.)

This probably ties back into the whole pity thing...Kyou doesn't want people to feel compelled to love him, to force themselves to love him, because not only do they not get any benefit but he has actively negative worth and it hurts people to be around him. Kyou, like Tohru, finds it hard to accept that people might not see it as a burden or a harm to be kind to him. That they might want to be kind to him and enjoy his presence. These children can't just let themselves take the damn donuts.

And that's probably the why of why Kyou, specifically, and not Yuki, is so good at noticing Tohru's issues and actively pushing her to be selfish. It's hard to help yourself, but it can be easier to see yourself in others and give them the advice that you yourself won't take. Let yourself be selfish and live a life that makes you happy. Complain when you need to. Let yourself have some donuts when donuts are being handed out, even if you don't think you deserve them/some jerks have told you you don't deserve them and you're a fake for taking a donut.

(I'm not sure Kyou's ever actually heard this bit, and I don't have time to unpack it right now, but uggghhh I just remembered that Tohru low-key blames herself for her mother's death as well. If she'd been more grateful...if she'd had her priorities straight and her mother was the most important thing in her life, more important than trying her best in school...if she'd just managed to say "Come home safe", then her mom wouldn't have died, and because she was an ungrateful daughter and didn't say it that one time she lost her mom. Nnnn my heart.)

Again I don't have a good transition, but as I think about all this I think I get why Kyou is able to accept Tohru's fuck-you speech as being a real and sincere thing he can depend on instead of instantly assuming it's pity. He's probably not thinking straight enough to realize that Tohru's just taken a level in character development and is being remarkably selfish and open about what she wants from him, not just yet.

But looking at Kyou's past experience with True Form reveals…

Kyou's mom tries to reassure Kyou that everything is fine and normal. She smiles and says all the right things and pretends not to be perturbed. Tohru, as Kyou notes, is clearly not fine about things, she's overwhelmed and sick and scared and clinging to him while shaking and crying. "Can't you see?! Smell?!" Kyou demands when Tohru doesn't instantly run off, but it's pretty clear she does because Tohru isn't smiling, isn't trying to pretend this doesn't bother her. She's undeterred, yes, but she's very bothered.

Kagura's scared too, when she sees, and Kagura runs away. Tohru's scared and she runs toward. Again, Tohru's not hiding her fear even if she's not letting her fear stop her, Tohru's not smiling her serene smile, Tohru clearly would rather run away and go "what the fuck?!?!?!" for a while before dealing with the fallout. Tohru's not a saint, Tohru's just slightly more scared that she'll never see Kyou again after this if she leaves now than she is of Kyou's true form. She's kind of almost passed through the other side of terror into desperation.

Tohru's biggest anxiety is that she'll be abandoned for being a burden, true, but Tohru also is terrified of being preemptively abandoned because the other person has decided they're a burden for Tohru. That's exactly what Hana tried to do in middle school. Hana tried to give up on Uo and Tohru.

"Give up on" isn't a phrase used in the True Form arc, but it comes up plenty elsewhere. Momiji says much later that he's done giving up on the Cat. More specifically, when Kyou's unpacking his complicated feelings about his mom and her death, he says at one point that he wishes she hadn't given up on herself and had stayed together with him. And since mom plays into the True Form arc (as does the "being together" sentiment), I feel it's valid to drag the "giving up on" idea into it as well.

Kyou tries to give up on Tohru--decides for himself that she'll reject him, so he rejects her first and pushes her away so she won't force herself to take pity on him and keep forcing herself to love him--and Tohru probably realizes that he's doing it, since she saw it before with Hana. She's determined to go back to Kyou because she's prioritizing her own wants, but I think probably the reason she also looks pissed is because she's realized Kyou's given up on her and she's not gonna let him get away with it.

I think Kyou wishes that he could cling to people, could have clung to his mom and told her not to give up, the way Tohru is clinging to him there. That he could admit that things suck and are scary and painful, but that he wants to keep clinging on regardless and staying together without anyone giving up, the way Tohru is doing right now. Instead of, like everyone else, pretending that shit is fine even though it sucks and it's scary and it's painful and then giving up on the people around him and keeping a distance.

Kyou recognizes what Tohru feels--and that what Tohru feels is sincere--because it's the same feelings he has about his mom. Which is why, even though it sounds a bit like a Saint Mary Sue love-and-acceptance speech, it's a fuck-you that hits Kyou right in the heart and makes Kyou feel accepted and understood for the first time in his life. Not because Tohru is perfect, but because Tohru is flawed and broken and a terrified mess.