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seattlesellie · 1 year ago

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Jealous. 🎀

pairing: ellie williams x fem!reader

cw: mean dom!ellie sub!reader, jealous kinda toxic ellie, eating it through the panties, orgasm denial, spit play (literally spits down ur panties like), exhibitionism, some dude named michael.

an: pls be gentle, i haven’t written in a long time! 💗 credit to angel gbc for the mod used in the picture above <3

something we can all agree on is the importance of aftercare — right?

Ellie is big on that obviously, as she should. Caressing her slim fingers down your body, planting wanton kisses on your shoulders, running her palms across your shaky thighs, whispering words of encouragement in your ear;

“Did so good for me, babe”

“I love you, so much”

“Need anything? hm?” She’d murmur against your skin whilst cradling your body from behind.

And she always insists on cleaning you up. She consistently renders you nothing but an achy mess, dried up juices staining your wobbly jelly thighs, combined sweat on your breasts and ribs, back of your neck. The ritual of bringing a wet towel to bed, swiping it’s fabric across your inner thighs, your face, your behind — is a sacred one for her. Not solely because she loves hearing your sweet, exhausted sighs of relief as she cleans the soil away, but also not solely because she gets to see your naked body in all of its glory again.

It’s the act of taking care of what’s hers. In a way, when she wipes your cum away, she’s taking care of herself — too.

Here, lays a solid proof that she can break things apart and put them back together again. She’s not a total fucking fuckup.

The ability of making you scream and cry, then moments later have you whisper in that saccharine voice of yours an airy “love you s’much, Els…”

It’s fucking exhilarating.

She loves it every time, she does it every time.

But today… today you pissed her off. You poked the bear, for real this time.

There’s this new Michael guy in Jackson. He’s handsome, tall, has coal black curls that somehow stay soft and shiny even in this apocalyptic hellscape. He told Ellie and you where he was from, what he did, why he came. Ellie didn’t listen to a thing he was saying. It was like he turned into a fly and started loudly buzzing in her ear. He kept looking at you weird. Smiling at you, smirking, laughing at your jokes, even the ones that weren’t all that funny. She knows you have this affect on people, that damn charm, hell — you have this affect on her.

And she’s usually just playfully jealous, manages to keep it relatively tame and simple by tightening her grip on your waist.

But you just wouldn’t stop bringing him up. “Michael” this, and “Michael” that, “Michael invited us for dinner”, “Michael said this funny thing earlier”,

For all Ellie knows Michael could die in a ditch and she wouldn’t give a fuck.

You're on your way back home from the Tipsy Bison on a chilly Thursday night. Jesse was there, Dina, Maria... and Michael. She thinks of his name and it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth, tart, pungent.

"Meh, I'm more of a Tequila girl, Whiskey tastes like shit" you announced with a giggle. Michael rested his hand on your thigh, and agreed with a nod and a chuckle. For you, it meant nothing.

For Ellie, it meant everything.

Her blood pressure was usually low, steady, healthy as a bull. As of now, Ellie felt like she just ran a marathon. The blood rushed to her head and her brows furrowed without intention. She cracks her neck and moves it left and right, takes a long and burning sip out of her Whiskey and shuts her eyes. She repeats a mantra in her head; "I'm not angry, I'm not angry, It's fine."

But you're so damn intuitive.

"Els? y'tired?" you murmur towards your auburnette girlfriend. She suckles on her bottom lip and considers saying no, but she lies.

"Exhausted"

You leave the humble bar hand in hand, wrapped up in her big coat that smells of mint and wood and Ellie. She prays you won't mention his name, prays you could just go home and forget about this whole thing, but you do, innocently.

"Oh, Michael said one of the horses is sick, I'm thinking of helping out in the barn tomorrow an—"

She stops you mid sentence with a scoff and a tightening grip on your hand. "Oh, mhm, Michael said that?"

Her voice mocks your own a little.

You stop and shift your gaze towards Ellie who has her lips tucked in a tight line. Internally, she's cussing herself out. You don't deserve her anger, but she can't help herself. Your answer is an unsure hum. Her grip tightens even more, and it hurts your palm but you keep on walking side by side, quietly. Five minutes manage to pass with no words being muttered by no one. That's until she shakes her head and lets go of a husky chuckle.

"Did I do something?", you mutter doe eyed. Ellie stops in her tracks and inhales. She grabs you by your waist and walks towards you, making you have to clumsily pace backwards until your back meets a cold grey brick wall with a resounding thud. "Uhg!" You hiccup, breath catching down your throat. You even sweetly giggle, thinking in your head that this could possibly be just a sweet attack of PDA.

But her eyes are dark, gone from emerald to pine, pupils pitch black as big as a button. Her warm whiskey breath meets your nose and your top lip, you gulp. Why isn't she laughing? teasing?

"El?" your voice is still candied, always. Ellies mouth is agape, scarred eyebrows scrunched and furrowed as if she's confused, or pissed, or provoked. Her forehead meets yours so automatically, you attempt to connect your lips with a kiss but she backs away meanly. Albeit her taunting position, how intimidating and truly scary she looks whilst you're caged within her frame, your'e still smiling, you're still thinking she's just teasing.

You're not used to this, she knows, but god knows she yearns to teach you a lesson.

You don't fuck with what's hers.

She licks her bottom lip before she starts speaking.

"Take off your skirt"

Her voice nearly renders you drunk, It's huskiness, gruffness, it's depth, and really, you've only had one shot. Your cheeks heat up and your ears feel as if they're nearly burning. Her lips are so damn close to yours and she still won't let you kiss her.

"Wh... we're in public, we can't—" you stutter, eyes shifting downwards towards the knee she has shoved near your barely covered crotch. When she brings it upwards just to brush delicately on your inner thigh, you let go of a small gasp.

She responds to your gasp with a barely audible "Mhm?", her eyes sharpening with intent.

"Yes we can", she tsk's, and her voice taunts. Her eyes graze over your face, and you expect her next sentence to bite like the last one did, but her voice goes softer. "For me?", she cocks her head to the side.

And it simply pushes you over the edge.

You peel your skirt off of your body, asscheeks plastered over the brick wall as her body squeezes you further back, and you're left half naked with a piece of fabric scrunched below your knees, resting on your shoes. She eyes your body up and down, meeting your pleading and still confused eyes — and for a moment, thinks of just carrying you home and taking care of business once you get there. No jealousy, none of that.

But it's still bitter down her throat, and she can still picture his disgusting hand meeting your soft thigh, her soft thigh — as your body is hers, so that thought is ever so fleeting. It's either now or now.

Her cold as ice finger traces faint circles on your lower tummy, making the fine hairs of your body rise like soldiers. You whimper quietly as her finger snaps the elastic band of your panties and lets it smack down your pelvis. You rub your thighs together, but you're ever so pliant as she makes your legs spread wide with a boot covered foot opening up your calves like a gate.

She whispers in your ear. "Are you wet?", it makes you shiver.

"M'cold" you whine.

She scoffs.

She kneads your bra cup with her palm, squeezing an erect nipple with her thumb and middle finger. "Didn't ask that"

Her eyes meet your gaze and again she reconsiders this whole thing — because you truly look so needy, and your lips are so pouty and sweet and red with cold, you look as if you'd die if she didn't kiss you right now so how can she even be worried, let alone be jealous?

She knows how much you love her, how much you yearn for nobody but her, how her touch leaves you speechless time and time again.

But it's like something takes over, a dark figure, a figure that's thirsty and starving and wants to prove a thing it already knows.

It's an internal struggle, she doesn't want to be possessive,

She can't help it.

Your panties are striped with pink and white, and she looks at them as if they're the most expensive lace in the whole entire world. Her breathing gets heavier as she curls her fingers inside the cotton fabric, pupils darkening when she notices a sweet clear string of your arousal clinging from the entrance of your cunt to the bottom of your underwear.

She chuckles, followed by a sigh of relief that you notice. You are wet, right in the middle of the street where an innocent soul could catch you at any given moment. "Didn't answer cause you're shy?" She knows you so well. You bite your lip and nod, butterflies fighting in the pits of your stomach. A chaste kiss on the lips is all you get from her, and you deeply whine into the air. "At least kiss me!" you beg, — god, you're so cute when you're pissed.

Before landing on her knees, Ellie looks from side to side in order to check that there's truly nobody around, and no — not because she's scared to get caught, but because she'd die before she let someone see her girlfriend half naked with her skirt down her thighs.

Ellie is face to face with your quivering, pantie covered cunt. A wet patch greets her — a fuckin' pleasure, one she can't help but swipe her tongue across. Your choked up, terrified sound of a moan is a symphony to her hears, fuck Mozart. Her eager muscle of a tongue is so warm against your pussy you nearly forget it started snowing yesterday.

You buck your hips inwards, she groans. "No moving", she warns — simply to assert a dominance that has already been asserted. She kisses your little clit, coo's at the way it slightly pokes out of the fabric, erect and pumping on her tongue. "Ellie... Ellie... Ellie", you babble like a prayer, which she nods to. "S'my name, that's fuckin' right", she groans as her husky voice is muffled by your soaked panties.

"Ellie..." you repeat, thighs beginning to ache as you try and spread them further apart, almost sitting on her face.

Ellie, not Michael.

She smiles, greedy, triumphant.

She flicks her tongue on your clit, once, twice, three times before biting on your meaty pussy lips. You bite your knuckles in order to keep your voice down, but she glares up at you. "Do that again n'I swear to god I'm stopping" she growls.

You're not used to this side of her at all, but her voice makes your hole leak a small stream from deep inside. She feels it's wetness on her tongue, eyes closing in ecstasy as she audibly suckles your sweet, tangy, heavenly juices from the now sheer fabric. Her own spit runs down her chin, she doesn't even bother to wipe it off. All you can hear are your breathy, whiney moans, tiny begs of "take 'em off, please", regarding your panties, and Ellie's throaty groans. You're so wet from your own juices and her saliva it nearly gets uncomfortable, but then again you're so goddamn close to cumming.

You try taking matters to your own hands, attempting to peel off your panties from your waist with a shaky hand but she snarls and slaps your wrist away.

"Nuh uh, pussy's fuckin' mine, don't touch it"

With relentless sucking on your drenched clit, and soiled panties, she opens her eyes to merely glare at you again with a warning look. "When you're close, you let me know" she bites.

You don't respond.

A stinging slap meets your pussy, which makes your thighs shake, whole body jolt, and throat ache with a high pitched yelp.

"You're not listening" Ellie warns.

"You listen when I talk" she warns again. Her tongue meets your clit and it pushes it further and further up. You shake, eyesight gone blurry, you're close, you know it by the way the coil down your stomach threatens to snap, and by the way it tickles down there so damn bad.

"M'close" you brokenly wail.

She grunts deeply and stops completely. your heart nearly breaks, no no no no no. "Ellie, Ellie, Els, no!" You try and buck your hips forward but she holds you in place with an iron like grip. You buck them again and she peels off the fabric of your underwear, slightly rising up as she stares inside at the mess she made of you. There's a devilish smirk that creeps up from her lips, apple of one cheek rising. You let out a sigh of relief, thinking that perhaps she'll actually fucking eat you out properly instead of letting you suffer inside a warm, wet material of a mess that truly doesn't look like something wearable anymore. Instead, she audibly spits inside with a "Ptu'", letting the band snap shut. Her saliva mixes with your warm sleek. You're so confused she nearly feels bad, but she's such a cunt that she really doesn't.

"Were going back inside," she murmurs so casually as if she didn't just fuck you up in the middle of the street, as if her chin isn't shiny with your precum. "N'if Michael puts his hand on you again, I'm eating it in front of him"

#ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie x reader #ellie williams smut #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams x you

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cherie-doll · 7 months ago

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𓆩♡𓆪 Headcanon: Convincing Them To Get A Pet

⊱⊰ Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Roach, Alejandro, Phillip Graves, Keegan, Hesh Walker, Logan Walker, König, Horangi, Nikto

Price

You kept bringing stray cats home

Every time you walk through the door, hands buried in the pockets of your tightly wrapped coat, John turns his head and asks "What've you got in there?"

"I don't know what you're talking about" and a meow can be heard coming from inside your coat

He makes you take it off to find a cat and her kittens snug and warm in the inner pockets

"They were cold..." you say sheepishly when he sighs

Ghost

He has to take care of you and now you want a pet??

Says he has enough on his plate with just you

You’re blowing up his phone sending him videos of animals or shoving the phone in his face

“Simon, Simon! Look at this! We should totally get one.”

“…That’s a spider. Why would you want that?”

Soap

He had also been wanting a pet for some time now, he had an exotic animal in mind until you got chickens

"...Are we going to eat it?"

"Johnny, no."

Now he has to wake up early and feed them every day when the sun rises to when the sun goes down

The chickens have grown on him and he's even named them, gets upset when you or someone jokes about eating them

Gaz

Is totally fine with any pet as long as it’s nothing too out of the ordinary, so you got bunnies

You'll let them roam around the house sometimes and Kyle hates when you do that because they tend to chew things and it's somehow always his things

Imagine Kyle falling asleep in your bed with the pink comforters and the adorable fluffy baby bunnies (yes i'm making a reference to that one tiktok)

Roach

Unfortunately for both of you, you are weak when it comes to animals

You’re both fawning over the cats and dogs in the animal shelter, cuddling with the baby goats at the local farm even if they’re chewing your clothes and head butting you

Together you’ve owned your weird assortment of pets; ducks, goats, spiders, snakes etc.

I headcanon Gary is a nerd when it comes to snakes and bugs

Alejandro

In the moment, you manage to convince him pretty easily, until you actually bring home the dog you wanted

Pretends he doesn’t like petting it or getting near it

Even curses when he has to get up at night to let it out for it to use the bathroom

But ofc within a month he’s totally smitten over your pit bull

Spends money on buying it nice collars and food, taking it out for a drive in his truck frequently

When cooking on the grill he always buys extra meat just for your dog

Phillip Graves

I like to think he has a soft spot for animals and agreed to going along with you when deciding what animal to adopt

What he didn't expect was to be pulling into a ranch and looking at horses

He expected to be looking at dogs or cats or a fish even

Now he's helping you muck out the stall for the beautiful pinto you bought

Helps brush her down and keep its mane and tail smooth to enter it in shows and competitions

Keegan

He knew you'd been wanting a pet for a while now because every time you visited someone who owned a pet you'd asked if you could play or pet them

You probably spent longer bonding with animals than with humans

Decided to surprise you with a talking parrot

Every now and then he'll teach it cute phrases like "I love you", the parrot will sometimes pick up some colorful language from Keegan

Hesh Walker

He caved in and originally thought of gifting you a pretty Siamese cat before thinking he'd like to play a little prank on you

As a joke, he gave you two rats, each with a pink bow on them

David would've started laughing if it weren't for you growing attached to them, eventually he did tell you he intended to buy you a cat

The rats were quite intelligent and learned tricks fast and frequently played games so both you and David decided to keep them and forget about the original plan of getting a cat

Logan Walker

He could never say no to you

However, you had owned a dog before, Logan wasn't fond of cats and you didn't want something like a lizard or a fish that would stay inside a tank all the time

The perfect opportunity came up when you had the chance to adopt a baby cow, a calf who had lost its mother

You both agreed, there was extra unused backyard space

The calf was named "Moonpie"

König

You really wanted a pet, but König couldn't understand why

"We already have a pet"

It was an iguana, which König already owned when you moved in with him

You weren't very fond of it because of an anecdote that occurred the first time you were over at König's place; you had seen a long tail in between the couch cushions and thinking it was a stuffed animal or a toy you pull at it only to see the iguana moving

It still freaks you out to this day when you remember how flaky and weird the scales felt

Horangi

He agreed and suggested he be the one to go pick out a pet from the shelter

You stood at the door when you heard his car ready to meet your new pet only to be met with a plastic container

Upon opening the box you're shocked to see he brought home a snake, he just snickers as he picks it up, holding it as the boa wraps around his arm biceps

"You wanted a pet, didn't you?"

Nikto

You had spent months trying to convince him to get a pet, to which he kept saying no to

"Come on Andre, a dog wouldn't be as bad as a kid"

He had no reaction other than just a grunt, but next time he came home from deployment he set a portable crate down

You rushed excitedly when you heard squeals thinking it was a puppy, after three weeks you notice the brownish fur begin to lighten and spots appearing

"Where did you say you got the dog from?''

"Did I ever say it was a dog?"

Post inspired by this cutie:

Everyone say "Thank you Corazòn"

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weirdmarioenemies · 6 months ago

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Name: Bowser's UFO

Debut: Super Mario Galaxy

Remember Bowser's UFO? I rarely do! He has all these grand vehicles that tend to appear, do something, and then slink away forever. Remember his submarine? We all know his submarine. We get to go on it once! And then never again. Weird! Good thing his Cool Car ended up being marketable, or he would need to keep making even more!

At least, I assume the UFO is Bowser's. He uses it, and he SUMMONS it, with his Electricity Hands. Everyone loves Bowser Magic! He can discharge lighting just like King Dedede in Kirby's Pinball Land! The thing this moment confirms is that the UFO is not PILOTED by Bowser... Maybe it's a goon. Hired goon.

There could be ANYONE in that UFO! There could be anyTHING! A species the likes of which we've never seen! And an individual character, or characters, of this species. It wouldn't just be any old Alien letting some guy use its ship for evil. Perhaps even Tatanga...?

To save ourselves from disappointment, we can also choose to believe that it is simply piloted by some random Koopa. Perhaps a UFO Control Panel Bro, who throws UFO control panels and then uses them. You must admit, that would be a convenient fellow to have if you need a UFO! Just maybe have him throw it onto a mattress first to avoid damage.

I've been focusing on what could be inside of the UFO, but it's what's on the outside that counts: its three boobs. It seems it's Super Mario Galaxy tradition to have massive machines with three boobs! This is why we don't have Super Mario Galaxy 3. That's the Number of the Boob. If they can't make the perfect metal boobs for the occasion, they will make none at all, and that's fair.

I'm not even saying this to be cheeky! These just look so much like boobs! It's not like Megahammer where they're POSITIONED like boobs, but in this case the details are all there. And what does it lactate? Laser beams! Forget unsweetened vanilla oat milk, this is my new milk substitute of choice!

The UFO uses its nefarious nipples to kickstart the big conflict, allowing Peach's entire castle to be ripped out of the ground and taken away... and then it does nothing. We get to see it briefly while flying toward the final level, and it's just there. No last ditch attack, no climactic battle against it, no venturing within it. Whoever's piloting this vessel was paid for one particular job, and they did it, and now they're getting out of here! Good on them, really. Bad on them for doing some big evil ultimately leading to the destruction of the universe, but you have to respect the independent contractor grind!

#ufo #bowsers ufo #bowser's ufo #super mario galaxy #mario #mario enemies #mario entities #mod chikako

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adorerio · 4 months ago

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Oh To Be Yours

Suna x reader

older brothers best friends plot! Miya reader! Ending opening for a part 2! Background info for the next part!

word count: 975

--------------------------------------------------

Growing up having Atsumu and Osamu as your older brothers was definitely interesting. They always kept you on your toes and was funny being around. The bad part? They never let you talk to boys they didnt aprove of. It started in junior high when a guy your age asked to walk you home. Safe to say your brothers scared him off because "he looked to funky"

Things didn't change when you came to Inarizaki High. Your brothers wanted to protect you so they insisted you join the vollyball team so they could keep an eye on you at first you said no wanting to join another club after school. But, after Atsumu gave your parents a multitude of reasons they started pushing you to join and reluctantly you said yes.

͙͘͡★

After school you walked over to the gym it would be your first day as the manager and the coach had suggested your first few days would be observing and getting used to the team. He said they were a well behaved group of kids - minus your brothers and the person who instigated most small arguments Suna Rintaro.

When he told you that the name sounded familair but you just couldn't grasp who the name belonged to. Maybe someone from your junior high? You kept wracking your brain to find an answer while you were so distracted you walked into the door to the gym and landed on your butt due to the impact

great I hope nobody saw tha-

*click*

did someone actually just take a picture??

Turning your head to see whoever the person was you recognized him-

"Hey your the guy that my brothers always bring home right?"

Offering his hand to help get you back on your feet he answered "yeah that's me your y/n Miya. Your brothers talk about you a lot its kinda annoying y'know."

"Im sorry what's your name again?"

"Suna Rintaro"

͙͘͡★

"Ah y/n I see you met Suna"

The coach saw you two walk in toghether in fact- the whole team did talk about awkward. You noticed Atsumu staring daggers into Suna. Who you would assume was a close friend to him. At this rate he's going to tell Suna to never talk to you and your life would be practically over-

"Everyone huddle up! I would like our new manager to introduce herself. Then you guys can as well and we can start the drills."

god damn it

Having all types of eyes on you made you feel nervouse you actually forgot your own name for a second. You tried looking at your brothers but that just made it worse. Until you met eyes with suna again. It felt different. It felt safe. While locking eyes with him you decided to introduce yourself to him. Everyone else was just there.

"Hello everyone my name is Miya Y/N and I'm a first year here. If you cant already tell my brothers are Atsumu and Osamu but believe me I'm the better sibling. My hobbies are *your hobbies* and I love listing to *your favorite musician*.

The rest of the team introduced themselves to you and they included the position they played. Some people stood out more than others. Like Kita who said he was the captain and he even asked if it was okay to call you by your first name since there was now three Miya siblings instead of two. You were fine with it of course.

The last person to introduce himself was Suna. He kept it short really and avoided eye contact during it. It was weird because when you introduced yourself he locked eyes but now that it was his turn he avoided it. Maybe your brothers had already told him off. And if they did you would find out and probably yell at them for scaring away another guy.

After Suna walked away you decided it would be best to forget what happened outside the gym and focus on the team. Of course you studied them but you would help coach with tasks as well. Like filling up the water bottles, getting vollyballs and the coach would ask for your own input like what could have been done better.

Safe to say for your first day it wasn't that bad.

͙͘͡★

Once you got home you grabbed a snack and locked yourself in your room wanting to avoid any questions your brothers wanted to ask. As you approached your desk you reached for one thing in particular your diary. Your parents had bought it for you for your 13th birthday and you still kept it.

Sure your family was very open with each other and you trusted them fully but it was hard to talk to them for certain things and your parents knew that. That's what your diary was for.

"Dear Diary,

today is -------- and was my first day as the manager of the volleyball team. It was a smooth first day with not to much trouble so probably the best part. But, I also met a guy. I mean does it really count as met he's been to the house before but we never talked. If anything all I got was a nod from him. I always thought he was attractive I mean his eyes its like there's something he's always thinking about. There is never a moment he's just blankly staring.

But of course I never thought of the possibility of dating that's not how it goes with two overprotective brothers. I got to talk to him today tho outside with nobody watching. It was embarassing because of that stupid picture he took.

It might be crazy that over this one interaction I'm hoping for something to happen between us. And I'm hoping he's wishing for the same thing

Oh to be yours"

˚₊‧꒰ა 𓂋 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

AN: well that's a wrap for the first part. Originally it wasn't meant to be a two-parter but I didnt want to rush the ending or make this super long either. The second part will be out once I finish my other wips. Criticism and reqs are always welcome!!

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyu fluff #suna rintarou #suna x reader #suna rintaro x reader #suna x y/n #hq fanfic #hq fluff #hq x reader #hq x you

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mxstellatayte · 11 months ago

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fuck me up, florida.

warnings: angst for the majority of it, sex at the end though, legal use of alcohol (reader and logan are both 23,) mentions of gunshot wounds, minor character death, based on a taylor swift song, childhood (middle/high school) friends to lovers, idiots in love, "you came" "you called," reader is half mexican (mom's side), slightly inaccurate bc i know carola wasn't at the miami gp but just go with it for the plot, reader's last name is rodriguez,

author's note: y'all i apologize if any of the spanish grammar is a little weird. my spanish is rusty, pls don't hate me for it

logan sargeant x female reader

i need to forget so

tuesday, april 30th.

you scan your ticket, the screen displaying your name and seat number. 12A. at least it'll be easy to sleep, you think.

after shoving your suitcase above your seat, you shuffle your way to the window and buckle yourself in.

are you really doing this? flying a couple thousand miles to visit your childhood best friend who, up until recently, had you convinced that his newfound fame that he'd gathered by announcing his enrollment in the williams driver's academy made him too good for you.

the only thing that made you think otherwise was the instagram dm he'd sent you five weeks prior, asking if you'd be able to make it to the miami grand prix. instead of a simple yes or no, you responded with the heaviest three words you've ever seen in order.

can we call?

logan picked up on the second ring.

"hey."

"how's texas?"

you smile. "hot. sunny. flat. beachless."

"so... it's good?" you hate that you can still picture his facial expressions even after not seeing him for years except for on tv.

"'s okay, but it's not home, y'know?"

"definitely. it doesn't matter how much i decorate my place in england, it's never florida."

"nothing besides florida is ever florida," you sigh, looking out the window of your apartment. "how's the season been?" you don't exactly know why you're asking. you know exactly how his season's gone. you keep every single detail of every single race weekend meticulously catalogued in a journal that you take everywhere with you. no matter what, you've stayed up late or woken up early to watch every race, as if your hopeful energy would make its way across the world to him in time.

"honestly? it's been pretty shit. the car handles really badly and wasn't really even ready for the first few hours of testing in bahrain. i can't get it to perform and maybe that's just because i haven't linked with the car yet, but it still really sucks."

you sigh, hoping logan can't tell how disappointed you are with his team and engineers. "you need a better team, lo."

"i know." there's silence between you for a few moments, and every second that passes makes it grow heavier on your chest. "will you come to miami?"

there it is. the reason you called him.

"i don't know, lo. don't get me wrong, i'd love to, but it's really short notice and i don't know if i could afford the trip. i might be able to make it to austin, but i'll need the time to save the money for the trip."

"i'll fly you out," logan immediately says, his tone almost desperate. longing. "i'll pay for your flight, your hotel, everything. please?"

that last word hit you like a punch in the gut. you only had one more reason to not go and you weren't about to tell him that reason. it was a shitty excuse anyways.

you're not about to tell him that the reason you moved to texas was to give him the space he needed to be able to succeed in his career and for you to succeed in yours.

take me to florida

you're jolted awake by the force of the plane landing, if you can call the awkward limbo you were stuck in sleep. immediately, your stomach twists with anxiety. logan had offered to pick you up from the airport, but you refused.

"i'll just take an uber," you'd said. "i'm gonna want to relax a bit after the flight, y'know?"

his only trade-off? you met him for dinner. simple enough, right?

in theory.

now, standing in front of the full-length mirror in your hotel room, you debate between a floral sundress and a pair of denim shorts, a tank top, and a white button-up t-shirt with a colorful inkblot pattern.

you decide on the sundress.

fifteen minutes later, you're pushing earrings through your piercings, silver abstract shapes you'd bought on a trip to europe with your mother. you have to leave, but the situation you're in sucks. your hair won't sit right on your head, either being too frizzy from the humidity or losing any and all volume, and your makeup just doesn't seem like it'll last in the miami heat.

fuck it.

who are you dressing for, anyways?

logan's seen you at your absolute worst. he was the only one you let yourself cry in front of after your father died. he was the one that held you for what seemed like hours while you sobbed into his chest and he told you that none of it was your fault- that you never could have known that, when you hugged him before he left for the police station, told him you loved him, and slipped a note into his lunch box, the next time you would see him, he would be laying in a casket. he was the only one that could make you smile in the weeks following his funeral, dropping his entire schedule if you simply sent him a text that said "can you come over?"

the restaurant logan found isn't too far from your hotel, so you ultimately decide to walk. your walk is over before you're able to process that it even started and you're taking out your earbuds and putting them in your bag, taking out your phone instead to text logan.

i'm here.

i've got some regrets

were you always this breathtakingly beautiful?

logan's phone buzzes in his front pocket, but he knows it's you texting him. he doesn't even bother taking it out of his pocket before standing up from his seat at the bar and walking over to you, and when you see him, your smile almost makes his heart melt.

"hey," he says, and he hopes his voice doesn't waver from how nervous he is.

"hey. i missed you," you respond, dodging the hand he holds out and going in for a hug. "i've known you since middle school, logan, i'm not shaking your hand."

your arms around him and your body pressed against his almost makes logan short circuit. thankfully, he's able to regain control of his brain and hug you back, hopefully before you realize he isn't hugging you back.

when you pull back, the hug seeming way too brief for logan's preference, you're looking up and smiling with a sparkle in your eyes that makes him regret not making enough time for you. "thanks for bringing me out here."

"thanks for coming. do you want a drink?"

"sure. do you have a table yet?"

"i was waiting for you."

"in that case, lead the way." you gesture towards the restaurant, and logan shows you to a booth in the corner. soon enough, a waiter comes over to you and sets down two glasses of water and two menus.

"welcome in, y'all. do we need a bit of time to look at the menu or do we know what we want to get started?" his southern drawl is thick, and it reminds you of texas. but you're in florida now.

"i think we'll look at the menu for a minute, thanks," logan says, and the waiter nods and walks away. as you open the menu and begin looking, logan points out something you might like and you do the same for him. conversation begins to flow freely between you, and it reminds you of the times in high school when you would go out with friends.

eventually, you decide on a plate of nachos and logan gets a plate of wings. as you wait for your food, you catch up on everything: your move to texas, logan's racing career, your work volunteering with the austin philharmonic, his homesickness from living in england, and everything in between. you crack stupid jokes, share bites of food, and steal sips of each other's drinks.

it's like old times.

i'll bury them in florida

on wednesday, you and logan drive up to visit your father's headstone. it's difficult. it's only the third time you've visited him since he was buried three years ago. the first time you visited him was a year after he died. even a year later, you still carried so much anger and hatred towards the doctors and nurses that were operating on him, trying desperately to save his life after two bullets hit him- one in his leg, one in his torso.

he died on the table.

the second time was just a few months after, and you were still wearing your cap, gown, and stole from your graduation ceremony. by then, you had been able to forgive the doctors and had graduated in the top 10% of your class. four years of hell had finally rewarded you with a degree in instrumental performance and an internship at the south florida symphony orchestra.

now, the third time, you have a picnic blanket and lunch packed into the backseat of logan's car, the windows are rolled down, and your favorite playlist is shuffled on the aux. it's a beautiful day, too; it isn't too hot (even with the humidity,) there's a gentle breeze in the air, and clouds occasionally cover the sun. when logan pulls into the parking lot of the cemetery and you sling your tote bag full of food over your shoulder, your hands start shaking.

of course, logan notices.

his hand slides into your own, and you look up at him. his eyes meet yours and you smile. "thank you for coming with me," you say.

"of course. i didn't want you to have to do this alone."

you look back at the gate into the cemetery, the black bars menacingly sleek and very, very terrifying. you chew your lower lip in anxiety. "i don't know if i can do it, logan."

"i'm here with you. i know you. you're strong. you aren't the kind of person to let a gate scare you." you laugh lightly, looking down at the ground. the gravel of the parking lot, your scuffed, beat-up high top purple converse, and logan's nike dunks make up what you have to describe as a perfect picture. your phone is in your free hand before you know it, and you're lining up the shot. "still into photography, huh?"

"yep. i have some cameras in my suitcase at the hotel." when you pocket your phone and look back up at him, logan's heart melts. the shine in your eyes and the passion in your smile is enough to soften anyone's heart, but for him, as someone who's known you for years and has been there for you through thick and thin, it touches him in such a special way. "i'm hoping to get some good photos of the races. but enough delaying. let's go visit my dad."

the creak of the gates opening makes your ears bleed, and you laugh at how logan is making the exact same face as you in reaction to such a shrill sound. despite only having visited his headstone twice before, you remember exactly where in the cemetery it is and are able to find it within five minutes.

"hi, dad," you begin, your voice already wavering just the slightest and tears beginning to well in your eyes. logan's hand squeezes yours, though, and you're reminded that he's right there. he always will be. you take a deep breath and continue. "i miss you. we all do. i know i haven't visited you in a while, and i'm sorry about that. i really do have to come stop by every now and then. i moved to austin and have a volunteering gig with the austin philharmonic at almost every show and i have a job at a company that helps students with learning disabilities learn instruments. it's really fun." you pause to wipe the tears off of your cheeks, your nose beginning to drip. "sam is in his junior year of college, and he's majoring in engineering. he flew the coop, but he still comes home for the summers. he, uh, he actually got in to c.u. boulder, like he always talked about. that kid was always thinking about college, even in middle school.

"i'm actually here with logan, too, if you hadn't noticed. do you, uh, do you want to fill him in on what's going on with you, or should i keep going?"

"whatever you prefer."

"okay, i'm going to keep talking, because i think if i don't, i'm going to completely break down. logan finally signed with williams to drive on their formula 1 team last year, like i always said he would. i'm really proud of him and really regret not telling him that more, and now that i'm saying it out loud i'm promising both you and him that i'll tell him that more often. the race this weekend is actually here, in florida. miami, specifically. it's always a celebrity shit show that no one really wants to see, but it's the main opportunity for the celebrity sponsors to actually go to a race.

"what else has been going on? oh, mom is still a therapist. i can't tell you much about that because of hipaa, but she always comes home saying that she's glad that she could help someone. i'm gonna have dinner with her tomorrow night, and then i'm going back into miami to watch logan's practice sessions."

you pause your rambling, thinking about what there is to say next, but your thought is interrupted by your stomach grumbling. loud. you and logan laugh just as loudly, the sound echoing through the grass field and stone gravesites. "oh, yeah, that's another thing. we brought lunch. i also got you pink tulips, because i know they're your favorite." you delicately rest the bouquet on your father's headstone as you sit down, then pull out the different plastic containers filled with food you'd stolen from the williams hospitality. "you'd be proud of me, dad. i smuggled this entire picnic out of the wiliams motorhome without a hiccup. robin hood style."

logan laughs, and you turn to him. he's mirrored your position, sitting cross-legged on the grass. "apple?"

"nah, i'm gonna start with my sandwich. i did grab you some of the salt and vinegar chips i know you like."

the look logan gives you can only be described as pure adoration. "you," he says, pointing a finger at you in an incredibly sassy manner, "are an absolute goddess."

"i know," you respond cheekily, tossing some hair over your shoulder.

the banter between the two of you continues through your picnic, laughter and smiles erasing the dried tracks of tears on your cheeks and on logan's. you're almost able to forget where you are.

tell me i'm despicable

almost two hours later, the two of you are laying in a nearby park underneath a tree, peacefully observing the clouds that pass overhead and talking even more about any topic that comes to your mind. the question that's been gnawing at you since your plane landed in miami eventually bubbles to the surface, and it tumbles past your lips before you can stop it.

"did you ever wonder why i moved to texas?" you look to your left where logan rests, but he keeps looking up at the sky. you mirror him.

"i always assumed it was just because you needed a change of scenery. after everything that happened and your music career taking off, it would make sense that you would relocate to somewhere better suited for you."

"that's the thing, though. if i'm being entirely honest with you, lo, i hate texas. i hate the whole state. i hate how hot it is all the time without even being humid, i hate not being able to go to the beach. i hate how dry it is. i hate how flat it is. i hate the monotony of it. i hate not being here."

logan hesitates for a moment before speaking, and it's the longest moment you've ever experienced. "why did you move to austin, then?"

when he looks over at you, you're chewing your lower lip. it's a nervous tic, logan's noticed. he's not even sure if you know you do it. "honestly? i thought you moved on from our friendship. i thought everything with f1 suddenly got so big and important and famous that maybe i wasn't... enough? i thought that being a police officer's daughter from the same town as you that was studying to teach people how to understand and play music maybe just wasn't cool enough to be friends with a world-renowned formula 1 driver."

logan's heart almost shatters when he hears the weakness in your voice. you sound so broken and so alone. he knew that, when you lost your father, you isolated yourself from a lot of people, even your best friend from high school and through your first year of college. he was the only person outside of your immediate family that you spent a decent amount of time with, but when he was admitted to the driver's academy he had to move to england. he abandoned you.

"i didn't. i never forgot about you. sometimes i still look through the photos we have together because i miss you that much."

you sit up, tears pricking your eyes for the second time that day. "really?"

"yeah. maybe once a week?"

when you look down at logan, you're suddenly starstruck. you can't help but notice all of his little features that you wouldn't see if you didn't know to look for them. his freckles that are so light you'd have to squint to see them if you didn't know them like the back of your hand. the mole on his chin that he'd always been self-conscious about but you've always seen it as beautiful. the lines from where his eyes crinkle when he smiles. the annoyingly perfect flop of his hair that he's styled almost the exact same way since you started high school together. an urge you haven't felt in years suddenly bubbles, white-hot in the pit of your stomach, and it's boiling over before you can stop it. your eyes are closed and your lips are on his. finally. after years of wanting, of stares that lasted just a bit too long to be just friendly, of flushed faces and nervous excuses, you're finally kissing him.

but he's not kissing you back.

you pull back immediately, panicked that you read something wrong. you turn away, hiding your face in your hands out of shame. "shit, logan, i'm so sorry. i thought-"

"kiss me again." logan sits up, and when you turn around, the look he's giving you can only be described as completely and entirely fucked. you don't question his statement, just lean forward, placing your lips on his, and letting yourself melt. he moans softly into the kiss, his right arm wrapping around your waist and pulling you impossibly closer. when you pull away and open your eyes, your breath catches in your throat. he looks beautiful. his eyes remain closed, but when they flutter open, you see colors in them that you've never seen before. sure, you've always seen the darker rim of blue that outlines his irises, but now that you're so close to him, you can see the flecks of green and grey in them. it's the most stunning thing you've ever seen.

eventually, you break the silence between the two of you. "i've wanted to kiss you for so long," you whisper, so quiet you're not sure logan heard it.

but he did.

"me, too," he says, and after a beat of silence between you two, you both burst out laughing. the laugh he hears from you is the pure, bright laugh that logan's missed so dearly, the laugh that you only really let him hear. the laugh that has tears in your eyes and makes you snort because you're laughing so hard you can't even breathe properly.

eventually, when you're able to calm down, your head resting on logan's shoulder, your hand holding his, you're able to process what just happened. you just hope logan is processing it, too.

"we just kissed."

"yes. we did."

"how long have you held out on me?"

"since christmas of sophomore year. when you made me the chevron bracelet with my favorite colors."

you laugh, then lift your head to look at him. "i fell for you in october of that year. when you convinced your mom to drive two and a half hours for the marching band state finals. just so you could be there with me."

"god, we're idiots," logan laughs. you can't help but lean forward and press another kiss to his lips, lingering there and just breathing him in.

existing.

say it's unforgivable

the next two days fly by. thursday, you spend the day with your mother. she asks all sorts of questions as if she doesn't know the answers, and you answer each one with a smile on your face. when she asks about logan, you smile sheepishly. she figures out what the smile means.

"took you two long enough."

normally you'd still be in bed at 9:30 am on a friday, but today, you walk into the miami paddock clutching logan's hand for dear life. your neon green pass hangs from your neck, a white williams cap atop your head. you can't help but feel out of place, but someone calls logan's name and you both turn. your stomach drops when you see who's called his name. his hair is styled similarly to logan's, and he sports a papaya polo.

you'd know him anywhere. it's oscar piastri.

you're standing there a bit awkwardly as logan greets his friend, but your heart stops when oscar turns to you. "oscar, this is my girlfriend." he introduces you by your name to the mclaren driver and you wipe your hands on your denim shorts before shaking his hand firmly, exchanging "nice to meet you"s. the three of you chat for a few minutes before oscar is summoned by his pr manager.

"girlfriend, huh?" you look up at logan with a smile on your face, lacing his fingers with yours.

"i didn't mean to overstep, but i kind of assumed that's what this is now. is it?" he looks a bit nervous asking that, and if you thought your love for him couldn't grow any more, you thought wrong.

"that's absolutely what we are, lo. you're my boyfriend. i'm your girlfriend." you can tell just how hard logan's trying to not let the smile on his face show just how happy he is to hear you say that, and you stand on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips briefly. "you have a prep meeting to get to, don't you?"

"i do. come with me, though. i need to introduce you to alex and lily. she can show you around."

"sounds like a plan. i need to learn how to do all of..." you gesture around you, the white tents and media carts all seeming suddenly too intimidating. "...this."

logan laughs, placing a hand on the small of your back to guide you towards the williams hospitality. when you're next to him, though, despite the cameras around you and your proximity to some of the world's biggest stars, you feel safe and protected.

after meeting logan's teammate and the thai driver's girlfriend, who you quickly realize is one of the sweetest people you've ever had the pleasure of meeting, you're shown around the williams hospitality and, eventually, the paddock. lily introduces you to the other drivers' wives and girlfriends that have made it to the weekend, and when you hear a certain last name, your ears perk up.

"martinez? is she latina?"

"yeah," kika, pierre's girlfriend, says. "she's checo's wife. i'm pretty sure she's in the red bull hospitality right now, though."

"ah, speak of the devil," lily says. you see carola walking up to the five of you, alexandra ("please, honey, call me alex," she'd said, bringing you in for a kiss on your cheek,) having walked away to get a drink and escape into the sweet air conditioning. "carola, there's a new couple on the paddock."

"you're kidding," the latina answers, her accent apparent. "who?"

"logan found himself a girlfriend. allow me to introduce her." lily turns to you and introduces you by your full name, last name and all. it seems that carola has a similar reaction to your last name as you did to hers, and her head tilts to the side.

"ya no eres la única mexicana aquí," you say, and her eyebrows raise. (you aren't the only mexican here anymore.)

"hablas español, también?" (you speak spanish, too?) when you nod, her smile brightens. "hay, chica, creo que nosotras dos nos vamos a llevar muy bien." (oh, girl, i think we're going to get along very well.)

on saturday, you find yourself back in the williams motorhome, except this time, you wear a second badge, the neon green lanyard reading grid access in bold black lettering. like the day before, you clutch logan's hand for your own comfort until, much to your dismay, he's summoned for driver duties. you place a quick kiss on his cheek, and when you pull back, you aren't sure if the flush on his cheeks is from the affection or the miami heat. probably both.

"in case i don't see you before sprint. for luck."

"oh, you'll be in the garage. that's what this pass is for," logan says, holding your second badge in front of your face. "lily will show you where to go. i'll take a kiss anyways, though." you smile, stand on your toes, and kiss him, pulling back before he can wrap an arm around your waist. (that was a trick he very much enjoyed, as you'd learned the night before. there was something in him that needed you as close to him as possible, and it covered every nerve ending in your body in liquid fire.)

"off you go. you need to get race ready. i'll see you before you go out on the grid. don't worry." you gently shove him away with a smile, and you'd stare at him longer if your ankles weren't suddenly being attacked. you look down and squeal. "hi, leo! did your dad let you run free?" you squat down and scratch the mini daschund behind his disproportionally large ears, and he barks excitedly.

someone curses in french to your right, and you look up from the little golden ball of energy to see none other than charles leclerc frantically searching around. leo barks again, and the monégasque whips around, then locks eyes on you first, then his dog.

"merde, leo. you have too much energy for it being this early in the morning," he laughs as he walks over to you.

"i apologize, it appears i've unintentionally kidnapped your dog." you stand, and leo jumps at your calves again.

"ah, no harm, no foul," charles replies, picking up his dog and holding him close to his chest. "i will say, though, you look strangely familiar. have we met? my name is charles."

"we have not." you extend your hand and offer your name, and, when charles' eyebrows furrow and his head tilts in confusion, you realize that means nothing to him. "i'm logan's girlfriend."

"ah! yes, of course! he has a photo of the two of you at your high school graduation in his wallet. that's where i knew you from. well, it's nice to meet you!" that was news to you. logan has a picture of you in his wallet? either way, you just casually met one of the most famous people in the world like it was a standard tuesday.

if this is what i signed up for by being logan's girlfriend, then it is absolutely wild.

you're able to catch another good luck kiss with logan as he's almost fully suited up, and fuck, does he look good. his fireproof suit hangs low on his hips, the arms tied together in front of him. dark blue is a good color on him, and his facial hair is grown out in just the slightest. you can't lie, he looks hot as hell.

you cross your legs in an attempt to curb the heat that creeps down your tummy and between them. it doesn't work.

you amend it that night in logan's hotel room following his p10 in the sprint.

on sunday, you try to avoid thinking about the night before as you follow the same routine as the two days before- arriving early in the day, checking in at the williams motorhome, and then killing time until the driver's parade at 2:00 PM. you spend time with your new group of friends, spending the three remaining hours before the parade in the paddock club. rebecca, carlos' girlfriend, snickers at your shocked face when you see some of your idols and favorite celebrities casually walking around, gladly taking some photos for you as you're practically buzzing with excitement.

after the driver's parade, it's a whirlwind. you're swept back into the williams garage and find logan's driver's room relatively easily thanks to the help of some of the engineers and mechanics, but one of them stops you before you can venture too far into the depths of the hallways.

"could you tell him we have the pre-race strategy meeting in twenty minutes?"

"yeah, for sure." as you approach logan's door, you have to bite down on your lower lip to stifle the grin that wants to split your face. you knock on his door, and when he opens it, you know something's wrong. "lo, are you okay?" his eyes are red and his hand shakes on the doorknob. instead of a verbal response, he just opens the door a bit further to let you in, and, as soon as it shuts behind you, he sobs, and your heart shatters.

"i'm so scared. i'm so scared that something's going to happen and i'm going to let all of these people down and-" you gather him into your arms and he cries into the crook of your neck, your williams crewneck shirt now damp with his tears. you couldn't care less.

"you're going to do amazing, logie. i know you will." with your arms wrapped around him, it's almost like a weighted blanket of safety has encompassed him, and his sobs slow, his breaths growing deeper and more even. you continue murmuring words of confidence into his shoulder, and not a single word you say is empty.

"hey. look at me." you lean back and gently cup his cheek with your right palm, and when his eyes meet yours, you know that he needed to cry that one out. "do you feel a little bit better?" logan nods, tilting his head ever so slightly to kiss your palm, his own hand coming up to rest over yours. it's a cute, sappy, stupidly romantic moment that you from three weeks ago would've probably thought was the grossest thing known to mankind, but you can't help but bask in the moment. "is there anything i can do to help you feel better right now?" your voice is a soothing balm over logan's agitated nerves, and he slowly untangles himself from you and guides you over to the couch that's against the back wall, where he sits down and you curl up to his left side.

"can you just... talk? about anything?"

"are you seriously asking if me, the person with the most rampant adhd you've ever met, can talk about something? yes, logan, i absolutely can. what to talk about, though?"

as you talk, deciding to info dump about your favorite classical music piece, logan can't help but watch it unfold. he doesn't know jack shit about music theory, but listening to you ramble about something you're passionate about brings him so much peace. you're disturbed about fifteen minutes later by a knock at the door, promptly followed by a disembodied voice telling logan that it was time for the strategy meeting.

"aw, shit," he says, leaning his head back and rubbing at his eyes. "i have that to go to now."

"yeah, sorry. i was supposed to tell you about that but we had a bigger problem on our hands." your voice is sheepish now that your info dump has been cut short, but logan leans over to you and kisses you, soft and slow, just like the first time he kissed you properly in the park. when he pulls away, he looks so much calmer than he was twenty minutes before. "is there anything else i can do?"

"go have some fun in the paddock. and please drink some water." you roll your eyes and stand, bringing him in for another hug before you slip out of the door.

almost two hours later, you're back in the williams garage with a guest headset over your ears. your stomach twists with nerves as the national anthem concludes. lily's hand is clasped with yours.

"the first lap is the worst. after that, you lose a lot of the anxiety," she assures you, noticing how you chew your lower lip.

"thanks." you pause for a moment, contemplating another question. "does it ever get easier? seeing how they go out there and drive like absolute maniacs for fun?"

"it does. it took me a couple of months, but after alex showed me all of the safety features in the car and in his fireproofs, it definitely helped."

it's the moment you've been dreading.

one red light.

two.

three.

four.

five.

and then none.

the engines roar and the race has begun. lily didn't lie to you- the first lap is excruciatingly long, but when everyone's completed their first loop around the circuit, you let yourself breathe. your eyes are trained on the screen above you, and the laps are flying by so quickly that you barely process that the race is nearly halfway over.

but then logan's car is in the wall. fuck.

as you watch the replay of his crash, you can feel white-hot rage burning in your body. after the race stewards only declare a ten-second penalty and two super license points, though, you're fuming. "two penalty points and a ten-second penalty? magnussen caused logan's race to end, and they just let him go? they just forgive him and move on? how can he get away with that? this is bullshit!"

what a crash, what a rush

the first person logan looks for when he walks back into the williams garage, his visor still low over his eyes in shame, is you. when you see him walking towards the room where you and lily watch the race, you tear the headset off of your ears and run to him. the feeling of his arms wrapping around your shoulders and hearing his heartbeat even through your musician's earplugs soothes your agitated nerves. he's okay. he's alive. he isn't hurt. "thank fuck you're okay," you say, even though he definitely can't hear you through his helmet and over the roar of passing engines. when you pull away, you press a kiss to his knuckles and hope he understands how much love you're trying to convey through such a small gesture.

fuck me up, florida!

one of logan's best friends on the grid is oscar. oscar's teammate got his maiden win after almost five years of waiting in miami.

like any sensible person, you celebrate with him.

you have no idea what the name of the club is, much less how many drinks you've had so far, but what you do know is that lando has commandeered the dj station and logan is pressed against your back, his hands resting on your hips. the air is hot and thick, your heartbeat pounds in your head. the opening notes of bad bunny's tití me preguntó begin playing through the massive speakers, and you shoot a glare up to lando that he doesn't see, his focus instead on the equipment in front of him. when the bass hits, though, you let all apprehensiveness go and your genetics take the reins. your hips sway and swing to the beat, your hands wander up and down your torso, and logan simply follows your lead. it takes you a moment to realize that, if you want to get a rise out of him, you're going to have to spin around and face him.

with your hips swaying against his and how unbearably beautiful you look in the dim light, your skin glowing with sweat and your hair up in a high ponytail, logan can't help but lean down and kiss you when you finally turn around. you reciprocate gladly, your right leg slotting between both of his, and...

oh.

he's hard.

you pull away slightly, barely an inch between your lips. "slow your roll there, tiger."

"i don't want to." fire zips down your spine at the sound of his voice, low and breathy and so, so desperate. "need to fuck you."

"should we get outta here, then?"

"i thought you'd never ask." you smile and kiss him quickly, then take his hand and weave your way through the crowded dance floor. as the miami night air hits your face, you immediately feel cooler. you sigh, taking a moment to breathe and regulate your heart rate and body temperature, but you can't breathe for that long before logan wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you back against him and kissing your neck. you laugh, running your hands along his forearms.

"logan, not here. the hotel is two blocks away."

"i can't help it, baby, you just look so pretty," he hums, kissing the back of your neck once more before pulling away and stepping around to face you. "you look so pretty, and you're mine."

his possessiveness of you makes more heat zip down your spine, and you almost drool at how he's looking at you. his eyes, normally a beautiful mix between the blues of the sky and sea, ar"e almost completely dark, only a small sliver of his irises remaining, and the muscles in his jaw tick. "hotel. now."

by the time you reach the door to logan's hotel room, you're both out of breath from how hard he kissed you in the elevator and the arousal and need between your legs won't be stopped unless he replaces it. you stumble through the door and try to kiss logan again, matching the vigor he showed you in the elevator, but he stops you. "wanna take my time with you tonight."

"yeah?" you raise an eyebrow and inspect his face. the blinds are open but no lights are on, so all you can see is the side of his face that's illuminated by the lights from the streets of miami. it's an unusually beautiful sight.

"yeah. nothing about what i'm about to do to you is going to be fast. i'm gonna make you feel good tonight. how's that sound?"

"that sounds amazing, logan." you lean forward and kiss him gently, your lips slotting together as if you were made for each other. who knows, maybe you were. the next five minutes are a blur, but before you know it, you're laying back against the pillows on logan's bed and his face is buried between your thighs, his tongue working magic on your clit. the air in the hotel room is filled with your moans and the sounds of logan devouring you like a man starved, and it's the most beautiful mix of sounds you've ever heard. when he flicks his tongue oh-so-perfectly against your entrance, his nose brushing over your clit, you moan and pull his hair hard, which, in turn, makes him moan against you.

you aren't sure how much time passes or how many orgasms logan pulls from you with just his tongue and his fingers, but when you feel completely and entirely spent, your chest heaving and your hairline sparkling with tiny beads of sweat, you pull logan up to you by his shoulders, and he looks completely and entirely fucked. "need you inside of me," you mumble, wiping at the mix of spit and cum that coats the entire bottom half of his face with your thumbs. as if on instinct, you bring your hands to your mouth and lick them clean, and logan groans at the sight. "inside. now."

"as you wish, baby." logan's hands fumble at his boxers, the only item of clothing he was left wearing, and when he finally, finally pushes himself into you, you both moan. your hands scrabble at his shoulders and back, most definitely leaving red marks that will raise later, and his mouth latches onto your neck, biting down and then gently kissing over the red spot.

"nngh, lo-" your brain is short circuiting, logan's cock filling you up so perfectly and absolutely ruining you for any other man ever.

"yeah? you okay, baby?" he pulls back from your neck and scans your face for any sign of discomfort of pain, his sky blue eyes searching your own. the feeling of safety you get from just that one action is almost enough to make you sob from how good you feel because of him, both physically and emotionally.

"feels so good, lo. j'st... move, please."

"you sure? i don't wanna hurt you."

"positive. now please." you reach a hand up and pull him down towards you by the back of his neck, tangling your fingers in his hair and pulling hard. "fuck me properly." without wasting a second, logan reaches a hand down and hooks it under your left thigh, bringing your leg up to rest around his waist, then pulling back and thrusting back in fast. the moan that rips itself from your throat is sinful, and your breath is being punched from your lungs at the downright brutal pace logan's setting. your right leg finds itself locking around his waist, only bringing him infinitely closer, and now, each time he thrusts back into you, your clit bumps against his pelvis. within minutes, you're embarrassingly close to cumming again, and through your garbled mumbling and clawing at his shoulders, he understands, reaching his right hand down to gently press against your clit.

"cum for me, baby, please, need to feel you cum for me just one more time, just let go, i've got you." it's logan's voice that ultimately sends you pummelling over the edge into an orgasm that makes your back arch and your vision fuzz at the edges, and you cum with a cry of his name. his hips slow and his fingers maintain a steady rhythm on your clit, but you can tell it's taking its toll on him. "where- where do you want me to cum?"

"i'm on the pill, lo. inside, baby, please," you whine, and it takes two more thrusts before logan groans, his hips coming to a shuddering halt as he cums inside of you. it's a beautiful sight, too- his eyes scrunched closed and his eyebrows drawn together, his hair a complete mess from where your hands had pulled at it. your hands run through his hair and along his back, and you patiently wait as he comes back to earth.

"hi," he murmurs, opening his eyes and smiling down at you.

"hi," you respond.

no other words need to be said. you know you love him, and he knows he loves you.

and you're both okay with that.

this took me way longer to write than i thought it would, but i absolutely love it! reminder that my asks and requests are open, and i always get excited when i get feedback! take care of urselves lovies <3

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onbearfeet · 3 months ago

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Sometimes, you have to start a new quilt.

I started a project, years ago, to make a throw quilt for each season of the year. I wanted to be able to drape the quilt over a living-room quilt rack or maybe the couch and change it every three months. Voilá. Decor.

I wanted this for a lot of reasons, starting with the fact that lying under a quilt and reading is one of my greatest pleasures in life, but also including the fact that I have synesthesia. My brain tends to jumble up time, space, numbers, and colors. For example, the number two is dark bottle green to me, and history unfolds on a literal map in my brain. I could give you turn-by-turn directions to the French Revolution. It's weird in here.

One of the ways my synesthesia manifests is that months have color palettes. Some of them are what you'd expect--February, for example, is red and pink. Some are unique to me, like October, which is metallic gold and dark charcoal gray, like charred edges on a Klimt painting. I like to play with those colors during their months, usually in things like my nail polish colors. Thus, my quilt project would use my monthly palettes to create quilts that would keep my synesthesia brain happy.

This is my original summer quilt. It's called Victory Garden. (The quilts have titles. They're art. Shaddup.)

I used to love this quilt. I read under it. I spread it over my bed. It made my brain happy because July, to it, is these colors. I haven't thought of myself as especially patriotic since I left the cult, but my brain likes the colors it likes, and I mashed up two different fabric collections to make sure I got my color palette without having to include military insignias or quotes from slaveholders or anything like that. Mostly I wanted florals. Hence the title.

But after the election, looking at the quilt didn't make me happy anymore. It made me feel ill. I shoved it into a closet where I wouldn't have to see it and got on with staying alive.

Recently, my mom asked to borrow Victory Garden so she could refer to its pattern for a quilt we're making together. I think I'll "forget" it in her sewing room for a while. It still brings her joy, and it deserves to be loved even if I'm currently not capable.

But that means I'm out 25% of my seasonal quilts. That doesn't feel great, either. That's a lot of work, gone.

I got to thinking about summer, about the things I like about it. I decided that if I couldn't make a good summer quilt out of the June or August palettes (they're not very quilt-friendly), I'd try to find another inspiration. And on a whim, I started searching the names of summer fruits on a quilting website and found a collection called Blueberry Delight. Just looking at it made me remember making blueberry cobbler with my grandmother as a child, eating it hot with ice cream on top.

So tonight, I started putting squares together. This is the new palette of summer, assembled in the heart of winter. Blueberry Delight.

It'll take a while to put it together. Making something good to replace something bad always takes more time than you expect. It's work I didn't want to do, shouldn't have to do just because a bunch of fascist shitheads made a mess. But it'll get done eventually. I'll have something better someday.

And isn't the new thing beautiful?

#quilting #blueberry delight #quilt #wip #blueberry quilt #us politics #synesthesia #hopepunk #hopecore #cw food

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lvrpshoonie · 14 days ago

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BEYOND THE I-LAND

~TWO hearts, ONE dream, and a promise beyond the lights~

summary ! In I-LAND, they were supposed to be rivals fighting for the same dream. Beyond it they found each other. A story of hidden love, fierce ambition, and the knowledge of love beyond the I-LAND

pairing ! trainee!LeeHeeseung x Fem!trainee!reader

content - fluff (heavy based on I-LAND the survival show), mentions of other female/male idols (this story does not repesent all of these characters in real life!)

wordcount -

This place, is I-LAND. An unknown place completely isolated from the outside. So than those who dream of being an idol can grow on their own and break out of their eggs, its a perfect and evolved place for survival competition that has been designed for a long time. And in this place, only the system controls everything. The I-LAND system provides everything, anything that is needed for the growth of those who came in here is locked abundantly.

But not everyone can break out of their egg and get out into the world. Breaking out of their egg is their own responsibility.

In I-LAND, there are only two rules: limited time and one's own choice. The result of the choice that they made on their own will determine their fate.

As you walk through the gates of a big cube built like building nerves began to hit you. You trained for 4 years straight and no luck in debuting. The only thing keeping you sane right now is a vision of you standing on a podium performing for millions fans.........and Lee Heeseung. The boy you trained with for 4 years, the boy who stood by you, helped you, never judged you, the ace........your best friend. Even now, Heeseung insited that you two stick togheter and do this with each other.

Once you two are inside an long hall with lights surrounding everything appeared. You let out a long sigh out of nerves but then......you felt something warm on your hand. Heeseung's soft voice hit you ''Togheter remember?''. How could you not? You made that promise years ago. So you responded now more confident ''How could I forget?''. And with that you two walked through the long hall.

At the end of the hall you two were welcomed by atleast 25 trainees some familiair some not. Some immediatly started whispering. Hesitantly you and Heeseung stepped on a platform, a bit startled when it moved on its own. As you two neared the group the whispers got clearer: ''HYBE's aces are here'' ''I was waiting for them'' and so on. You and Heeseung took a seat and looked around. Huh Yujin, Jang Wonyoung two of your friends giving you a reasuring smile wich you gladly return. Heeseung, who sat next to you saw Jake and Jungwon happy to see some familiar faces.

''Took you long enough'' Jungwon said jokingly. Heeseung gave him a playfull push.

''I don't think we stand a chance anymore'' A girl named Lee Yeji said.

More and more trainees came in, after sometime all trainees arrived. The room has gotten more comfortable and everyone was making small talk. When suddenly a voice spoke: ''You will now be performing the rehearsed acts, the first participants can now enter the stage.''

Well.....Thats gotten uncomfortable real quick.

Everyone is quiet nobody dared to move or say a word. Not until two people stood up and went up to the big stage. ''Hello everyone my name is Choi Se-on'' the male spoke. ''And I'm Karina and we will be performing Lullaby.'' Karina you knew, you ran into her a couple times while training. You looked forward to see them perform.

The music began to play and the two moved in sync, their vocals were stable for such an hard performance. The song slowly came to an end. The voice spoke again giving most of them shivers. ''The remaining participants will now decide if the performers are worthy to be in I-LAND.'' The cold voice said in an almost emotionless tone.

''Raise your hand if you think Choi Se-on is worthy to be in I-LAND.'' It went quiet and nobody raised their hand wich is weird cause their performance was good, but then an trainee raised her hand and quick after that the others followed, the same happend with Karina resulting in them both making it to I-LAND.

Next participants Park Sunghoon and Jay walked up to perform ''The 7th sense.'' Heeseung recognized them from a shared training in the past.

''Did you know Sunghoon is a past figure skater?'' Heeseung said like some know it all, it was kinda cute.

Sunghoon and Jay gave a short introduction and soon the music started again. The performance went smoothly and they both easily made it. They took a seat again and got some compeliments on their performance.

''You two are insanely good'' Heejin said with a impressed face.

Soon after it was your and Heeseung's turn. You both stood up and went up to the stage. You got into your starting position still nervous when suddenly you heard Heeseung say ''You got this'' and a wave of relief washed over you comforted by his gentle voice you stood steady.

The song ''Boss'' began to play and your body moved on its self one with the music you and Heeseung moved in sync vocals stable and on tone till the end. It went so fast you couldn't proces it and before you knew it, hands were raised faster then you could say it. Happy and satisfyed you and Heeseung went back to your places.

''I told you, you had it'' Heeseung said with that stupid smile of his.

''I know thank you'' he pulled you into a quick side hug before you two sat back down.

This went on until every single trainee performed, the tension got heavier as time went on. Everyone thinking what would happen with those who didn't make it.

At some point there was no place left for more trainees to join I-LAND, but that didn't stop them from choosing more people who were definitely worthy to be in I-LAND.

In the end five to many trainees were chosen and you couldn't help but wonder how they will choose who stays.

The room calmed down a bit and not long after that the cold voice spoke up again: ''The entrance test for I-LAND is over. Those who have passed may hop on the gate.''

And with that a big gate opened revealing an.....egg? No wait a big egg with doors?

The trainees began to say goodbye to those who didn't make it and you couldn't help but think about what it would be like if you didn't make it, or worse....... what if Heeseung didn't make it but you quickly shook off the thought and said your goodbyes before walking torwards the big egg.

Everyone got in the egg waving to the trainees who didn't make it. An sudden movement of the ground you stood on startled everyone. The ground moved in half circle and revealed a big place with chairs in a half circle, name plates and a big building behind it. There was a screen displaying flags with human silhouettes. In excitement you held onto Heeseung's arm he had a big smile on his face looking down to where you held his arm staring without you seeing it.

''This is crazy'' a boy named Jugwon said in excitement.

Everyone quickly agreed on looking around. Next to the egg there were two big screens with a platform of the building on it. It all looked very modern and technical.

After they took the view in the voice started explaining again: ''Welcome I-LANDERS to I-LAND this is the place where you have everything, practice rooms, bedrooms, a kitchen, a medical room. The capacity of I-LAND is enough for 12 people, there will be several tests to determine who gets to stay in I-LAND.

But that wasn't all. ''The 5 remaining I-LANDERS who didn't make it will be moved to the GROUND, the space for dropouts. This will be chosen by all the I-LANDERS in 2 hours through a voting.''

Everyone was shocked by the news, some even confused.

''The GROUND?'' Heeseung said in a cute confused tone.

A big timer showed up on the egg counting down 2 hours. Everyone started to realise this might be harder than before.

Lee geonu spoke up ''This is cruel!'' followed by Taki who was as shocked as everyone ''No! This can't be?!''

Everyone looked at eachother complaiting how to approach this. Heeseung uncounsciously scooted closer to you in need of a trusted feeling. And without hesitation you took his hand to reasure him its gonna be fine not daring to show, you were as scared as he was, maybe even worse.

After the new given informationeveryone went to look around the place. First they went to the big practice room goofying around a bit Niki doing a silly dance, after they stumbled across the voting room with a screen in the middle of the room with flipped name cards. Not wanting to waste time they went to the second floor discovering a hangout place with a couch in the middle and a kitchen behind it. The kitchen had a pantry that basicly looked like a grocery store with lots of food.

Everyone went crazy Jay going as far as saying ''its like heaven in here.''

Not long after they split up and went to look at the gym and the bedrooms. The bedrooms have diffrent colors like yellow, purple, green and blue, and in the room hung a screen mentioning the rules of I-LAND.

You, Sunghoon, Jake, Wonyoung and Heeseung walked around for a bit. Heeseungs face became more serious as he quickly noticed everthing was only available 12 times: 12 cups, 12 chairs, 12 beds..... everything was 12. You spared a glance at him and noticed his nervous face.

''Hee? Are you okay?'' genuinely concerned about him.

''I'm fine its just a lot to take in. Look around everything here is a competition.'' He was right but that didn't mean it had to feel like that.

''We came here togheter and we're leaving togheter, we promised each other.'' Heeseung let out an relieved sigh, you words seemed to help Heeseung with his nervousness and you saw a small smile creeping up his face.

Seon gathered everyone so they could talk, since they all discoverd the place already and considering they have to vote out 5 people in less then 2 hours it seemed like a good plan.

Seon began with talking about how in the end they needed the best team to stay and how its important to choose carfully. They all discussed how they would choose the dropouts for a bit but thats long forgotten when everyone parted their ways to get to know eachother better. Some went to the pantry, some went to the bedrooms, some even went to the gym room.

You and Heeseung went to the kitchen to get some drinks sharing a bottle of water.

''You two seem close.'' Niki said with the biggest smile on his face.

Heeseung looked at you and let out a soft shy laugh ''We spend all our time togheter so yeah we are''. You quickly agreed still drinking your water.

You three talked for a bit, Niki seemed like a sweet kid he reminded you a bit of your little brother.

Seon joined not long after wanting to talk to Heeseung leaving you with Niki.

Niki suddenly turned shy and softly spoke ''I really look up to you noona.''

You softly laughed at the use of words. ''You can drop the formals''

Niki seemed happy about it and softly laughed with you. The two of you talked for a while. After some minutes he suggested to get back to the group. You wrapped an arm around his shoulders and went to the rest of the group who were in the hang out place.

Approaching the group you saw Wonyoung, Karina and Yujin and decided to talk with them.

Since you only saw Karina a couple times before you didn't really knew her but quickly got comfortable with cause she was so sweet.

''Your performance was amazing I only saw you practise but it turned out really good.'' Karina said in a sweet voice. You quickly thanked her giving some credits to Heeseung

At that moment you suddenly you felt an arm around your shoulder.

''I lost you.'' Ofcourse you immediately recogonized the voice as Heeseung.

You teasingly talked back ''You left not me.''

They all talked for a bit some new people like Jay and Jake joining the conversation.

As time went on you talked with so what everyone and saw tension start to built up. Everyone is trying to impress eachother with either dance moves or random singing.

Heo youngji and Youngbin are dancing their performance, some are being friendly, some to friendly. Sunghoon even showed some figure skating moves.

But everyone stayed close to you and Heeseung as you two are deeply admired by everyone, giving how many compliments you two have gotten the past hour.

And you were having a casual talk with K and Yujin when suddenly and peeping alarm went off

''5 minutes until the vote.''

Everyone was gathered, and one by one they had to put in their votes. It took some time until everyone was done but after a while all the votes where put in.

''The dropouts will now be anounced.''

Heeseung pulled you close like he wanted to protect you from whatever was comming.

''I can't watch.'' You said voice a bit unstable.

Heeseung quickly responded ''Your save trust me.'' Even if you want to believe him you couldn't help but worry.

After a long silence the voice began to speak.

''I will now be announcing the drop outs.''

You saw the younger ones nervously wait, and then suddenly......

''The first person to be eliminated is.......Kim Sunoo.''

A loud round of gasps was heard. How is that possible you thought and with him as standard you got actually nervous.

Sunoo grabbed his bag and stood up and hugged Jake. You felt bad Seeing him saw goodbye but got pulled out that thought by the next elimination.

''The second person to be eliminated recived 9 votes.......Noh Sungchul.'' He held an dissapointed face after the anouncement.

Heeseung's grip became stronger as he got more nervous. You now unconsciously held on to him too.

''The third dropout also recived 9 votes......Taki.'' Some guilty faces were spotted and a long silence washed over the group. Taki slowly accepted it but he was still upset.

"And the fourth drop out is......Ej.'' Everybody looked at him but it looked like had expected it. He just walked to Daniel and pulled him into a hug.

''And the last person is........Heo Youngji.'' You glanced at her and saw her holding back tears and immediately let go of Heeseung and took her into your arms.

''Those who have been eliminated need to move to the GROUND.'' Everyone stood up and said their goodbyes. The five trainees walked into the egg and waved goodbye while the egg turned like the first time but now the other way.

''Please put the name cards on your chair.''

Everyone took their name card somewhat excited and sat down. The moment they did the flags that hung above de building revealed their pictures.

They all went back inside and decided on the bedroom arragements. You and Heeseung shared a look and laughed thinking the same thing, so without hesitation you two went to the purple room with Wonyoung and Sunghoon.

Heeseung plopped into a bed and let out a relaxed huff ''finally some peace.''

He looked way to comfortable so you jumped to him on the bed.

''Did you have to do that woman?'' He mumbled.

''That's not the worst i could've done so don't complain.'' You said in an sassy tone.

Heeseung chuckled at that and scooted closer.

You four started to unpack everything and getting settled. Everyone got comfortable since some off the stress was off their shoulders now. You could see friendships built and close bonds become stronger.

It was getting late and the most I-LANDER went to bed. That night you shared a bed with Heeseung, completly unnecesery but you both felt and slept better.

Your and Heeseung's bodies were entangled and fast asleep when an alarm went off.

''The next test will be revealed in 10 minutes.''

Sunghoon in the bed next you shot up ''What?!''

They got up quicky ignoring the fact they cuddled the whole night and got ready to gather at the egg.

They were all gathered and seated in their assigned seat. All super confused about whats happening.

The voice spoke up ''From now on, you have a common destiny. For the 4 test to come you'll be collectively responsible for every result. The average of individuals' scores will be the team's score, that result will determine the number of people to be eliminated from the I-LAND. This means everyone should get a high score.''

So we have to work togheter Heeseung thought like many others. But the thoughts got interuppted cause the instuction wasn't done yet

''And as for the elimiation, you'll be decided by yourself thru a voting.''

On the screen displayed: The first test of I-LAND: 'signal song' and on the left lyrics of a song was shown and on the right an dance practice of ''Into the I-LAND'' played.

''Wow this amazing.'' Lee Geonu said.

''Its really beginning now'' Youngbin noted.

Nearing the end of the song Jay spoke up ''I think that if the number is close to one, that person goes closer to the center.''

Everyone was serious noticing how the parts were divided.

''So from part 1 to 4 gets to sing more than twice, and from 5 up only gets once'' Wonyoung noted.

''Oh won you're right'' you said in an amazed voice.

Heeseung scooted closer and whispered ''5,6 and 7 also have two parts, 6 and 7 to just smaller'' You looked at the screen again.

''Ah but there are 12 people here we have to get a good part to get noticed.''

Interupted by the screen changing

''From now, decide the Signal song's part. You can change the part any time. This test will begin in seven days.'' Seven day isn't much time to get ready.

''Only seven days?'' Jake said in a worried tone.

''Really?'' Niki questioned.

And then the timer showed up counting down seven days.

"We should decide parts now'' You said a bit scared with the amount of time you all have.

Heeseung spoke up soon after ''Lets memorize the main choreography, then come back again to decide parts.'' Everyone agreed and went off to to find a place to practice.

''Wich part do you want?'' Caught off guard by Heeseungs question you hesitated. ''2 or 3 looking at the vocals thats better.''

Heeseung looked suprised you didn't want to try out for center. ''You don't want part 1?'' Wich you responded with ''I think someone else will fit that part better, besides we need to do well as an team I don't want that preasure.'' Heeseung understood and gave you a nod. You two began to practice togheter moving quick to memorize the choreography.

As you two are very skilled it only took about 20 minutes to memorize the given part. So you and Heeseung went to the main practice room where more I-LANDER were. You took a small break and sat down infront of the mirror looking at Heeseung an Niki Dancing.

Impressed by Niki you said ''Wahh Niki you memorized it all?'' He looked at you with a proud smile.

Then you felt a soft push ''Hey! I did to.'' You looked to the side seeing Heeseung drinking from you water bottle. ''You did great Hee don't worry.''

After a while they all sat in an circle to finally decide parts. Heeseung led the whole thing so it would go smoothly. ''First of all, the important thing is the choreography, hight notes and individual's detail.'' Heeseung began but got interuppted by Seon. ''But we'll be performing as a team, but the moments were it says we all have to sing number one stands at the center so shouldn't that person be good at singing everything?''

Seon suggested an sort audition but Heeseung who was well aware of the time said they should all decide today. ''Hands up if you want to do part one.'' Nobody did, you looked around and saw Yujin, Niki and Jay hesitate. Niki looked very nervous so you took his hand calming him down. When nobody raised their hands they suggested recommendations. That went easier, Sunghoon recommended Heeseung and everybody agreed but Heeseung wasn't to sure yet. The rest went on beter only Jay who was a bit dissapointed.

They could finally begin training now.

You were looking for Heeseung but instead you found Jake and Youngbin with worried faces. ''Whats with the long faces?'' They both went silent for a while. ''We're not keeping up, we didn't train for that long and we just memorize it'' Jake said defeated, Youngbin slowly agreeing.

''But i can just help, I'll train with you two at a slow pace.'' Jake didn't want to be a burden so he sweetly declined ''I don't think thats a good idea'' Younbin spoke up ''We will just hold you back.'' You smiled at them ''You won't I can just go over the details this way come on let's go.'' Now assured they went along and you three moved to the big practice room where the rest was practicing.

When you three walked in Heeseung was explaining the choreo but some noticed a diffrence in an move. ''I dont think thats right'' Niki said.

They checked the video and it was indeed the wrong move, Heeseung changed the choreography. They all dicided on a little break and Heeseung left for a bit. But Jake had some questions so you couldn't go after him.

After some time he came back and suggested that everyone showed the choreo one by one. You, Niki and Heeseung sat infront of the mirror and looked at everyone. Heeseung became stricter and stricer, you glanced at him he looked serious and diffrent from how he normally is. Finally it was Youngbins turn, the last one. You know he practised hard but he memorized it and danced well, but Heeseung saw through him and called him out for it. You nugded Heeseung in his side ''Too harsh Hee.'' He just brushed it off and went on with the practise.

After the training a lot of people went their own way, some stayed but some went to the bedrooms to discuss something.

That something being, Heeseung's way of pracising. It was something not everyone agreed on. Disagreements were formed and a lot of people wanted to call Heeseung out his approach to training. K called everyone togheter to talk about it.

Everyone had an serious face and nobody said anything until Youngbin spoke and poured out is opinion and worries. Heeseung was getting more upset and frustrated saying he has done a lot for the team but he just felt like their blaming him for everything. Karina spoke after him mentioning how he is a fitting center but he keeps hanging with people who are good, with as result a poor team balance. Heeseung was fed up he said he mentioned this on the first day and now again.

''I don't think i can be the center, i really mean it.'' That shook everyone turning, heads to look at him including you.

K said Niki would be a good replacement but that wasn't one of your worries right now. You looked at Heeseung and saw the face you knew all to well, he is upset. He sat alone a bit behind the group in silence.

After that was settled everyone got ready for bed. You sat on your bed but didn't see Heeseung in his.

''Where is Heeseung?'' You asked. Seon awnsered saying was on the first floor by himself. You didn't need to hear more and left to look for him. You walk to the first floor and saw him sitting on the floor. You quietly sat next to him not speaking up yet. After sometime he just fell into your arms shedding a tear, without hesitation you wrapped your arms around him. You comforted him letting him just cry for a while. You two sat there for a while just in silence, after Heeseung calmed down you both went to bed. You didn't question it further leaving it up to him to talk to you.

With only 2 days left everyone practised their buts off. Everyone was focussing on practising so when the voice spoke up again they were startled. They all went to the egg and sat in their seats waiting for instructions. The time suddenly stopped and the doors opened, everyone was taken back.

They headed to the egg and were shown a big stage with a silhouette at the end of the stage. Heeseung and you whisperd about who it might be. The lights turned on revealing a face, producer Rain. He introduced himself and explained why he was here. He is gonna give feedback on your stage to make sure everyone is ready for the real stage.

You all started with showing the choreography and as soon as that was over he said to form a line and start singing testing your vocals after dancing. But it didn't stop there he immediately told you all to get in position and sing while dancing. That kept going for a while until its was finally done.

"Niki.......you need to practise singing more" Rain said in a serious tone.

That seemed to get to Niki and he gave a small nod.

This was the most tiring day you ever experienced but you were more determined to work harder.

Now finally ready the day has come......

(to be continued)

#fiction #enhypen #imagine #kpop #heeseung x reader #beyond the i land #lee heeseung #heeseung smau #i land fanfiction #i land #i-land au #rivalry au

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clanwarrior-tumbly · 8 months ago

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Can I request one where Lampert and reader were friends with Kasper aka infected before he got well infected, basically the reader kept hanging out with infected and ended up getting infected too and they end up going to Lampert because they are still them atleast for a bit. angst definitely but you could make it have a fluffy ending

"I put more tape on those posters, Kasper. I'm sure Poptart will turn up soon."

"Thanks for doing that, bro. But...who's that?"

"Huh? Poptart is-"

"No, "Kasper". Isn't he like...the friendly ghost or somethin'?"

"Um..last I checked that was your name."

"Nah I'm pretty sure it's Infected." Kasper, or rather "Infected" as he apparently started calling himself, just shook his head before turning back his computer. He was in the midst of a gaming session, the round beginning as he tried staying focused.

You, on the other hand, just sat on the beanbag chair in his room, confused as all hell.

Ever since he caught that weird virus and brought it back to the apartment...it seemed to be getting worse. It began as a common sinus infection that made him lethargic, with half the stuff he was saying nearly indiscernible. He denied being sick enough to warrant a doctor visit, though, and figured it'll eventually pass.

And as his neighbor and best friend, you thought that giving him space was the best thing to do until he felt better.

At some point, you noticed a gradient creature with an unpleasant color scheme wandering in the dark alleys and down the hallway. It never spoke a word, making you wonder why it was here or if Kasper's illness had something to do with its appearance, but not even he was sure about it.

Then Poptart, his beloved cat, went missing a few days later. He knocked on your door crying and panicking the following morning, clearly scared out of his mind as he woke up to find its food bowl untouched.

That led you both to believe someone kidnapped the poor thing, so together you put up missing posters around the apartment complex, hoping somebody knew their whereabouts. Kasper had his suspicions that the gradient might've had been involved, but as off-putting as it seemed...you couldn't accuse it of anything without solid proof.

Last time you saw Unpleasant, it went onto the elevator, so god only knows what floor it could be on now.

Until it came back, you decided to stay with Kasper and look for Poptart, making sure nobody tore down the posters.

At the current moment, however, as you watched him game, you were a bit grossed out to see the pink snot dribbling from his nose--but when he raised his arm to rub it on his sleeve, you saw something even more alarming:

Pink-checkered textures covering part of his skin, briefly glitching before they vanished.

You got up from your seat and approached him, tapping his shoulder. "Kasper? I saw something weir-"

"I need to focus--oh no, no, no, N0!! My str34k!!"

You froze for a moment, concerned by the stark change in his voice--as though it was ran through a bitcrusher--before frowning as you saw him staring at his screen now, shoulders slumped at the "Defeat" message displayed across it.

"Awh man..." He whined, now sounding somewhat normal.

"Sorry, but..I just wanna be sure you're okay. At least keep a tissue handy, my guy. You're getting it all over your setup." Your eyes surveyed his desk for anything that could be a good tissue substitute--besides magazines.

"I told you, bruh, I feel fi...ah...ahhhCHOO!!" Kasper turned to sneeze directly onto the floor, where a few tiles began flickering pink...before you saw that same checkered texture from before.

But your gamer friend, totally unaware, just turned to stare you with a biggest grin on his face. "See? My sinuses are clear now!"

Then he sniffled again, sulking as his nose betrayed him.

"Look, this virus is turning into something bigger. It's gone beyond a small sinus infection." You huffed. "A virus wouldn't make you forget your own name. A virus wouldn't turn your carpet into that." Pointing to the glitchy texture that showed up, you made sure he was looking at it.

He blinked. "I did that?"

"You need a doctor, Kasper. And I will drag you to one if I have t-"

"For the gazillionth time, that's not my name!!" He suddenly snapped, punching the desk with anger you've never seen before. "It's "Infected"! How have we been friends this long if you can't even remember my ####### n4m3?! $w34r 1'll b4n u fr0m my lif3 if y0u d0n't st0p!"

You stared at him in shock, taking a step back as you saw his fist nearly glitch through the desk.

What was happening to him?

Did the virus force him to call himself "Infected"? Was it making him refuse to accept any help?

You had no idea, and it was scaring you.

"...s0rry.."

"It's..fine-"

"N0. It isn't.." His shoulders slumped again and he looked down at his hands, wondering what was wrong with him. "I...I didn't m34n t0 3xpl0d3 0n y0u. I..I just..."

Then he trailed off, staying unusually silence for several long moments.

That gave you an idea. You had to test something.

"Hey, just amuse me for a second...do you remember this guy?"

Infected raised his head, watching you pick up the picture frame that sat beside his computer. It was photo of him and Lampert--the living lamp robot you two met at ROKEA years ago.

Ever since the day he came to life, you three were the best of friends, always hanging out on each other's floors, trading stuff, making friendship bracelets, and playing games. You and Kasper were the ones to introduce Lampert to all the cool things the world had to offer..and inadvertently turned him into a bit of a germaphobe once he discovered things like sickness.

Still, you three did everything together. The day you took that picture was most memorable--especially the embarrassment of realizing the arrows on their shirts were facing opposite directions, which you only realized after the photo was developed and printed.

Oh, well.

Then after Kasper got sick, Lampert's been keeping his distance, and oftentimes things became tense in the elevator when the former didn't cover his mouth when sneezing or coughing.

But now that his infection was worsening, you weren't sure if the lamp would wanna see him anymore.

Or even...if he recognized the person in the photo at all.

You could tell by the way he took it from your hands and stared at it for some time, eyebrows furrowed with confusion, that he was starting to lose his memory.

"This l4mp dude..I think..I've s33n him on th4t elev4t0r.."

"We've known him for years, Kas. You and I..pretty much brought him to life." You frowned, worried that he was starting to forget him..

How long will it be before he forgot you, too?

"Don't tell me, after everything we've done together, you're forgetting about him--about us."

"I..I...I w4nn4 r3m3mb3r..but..." His hands began trembling, which you were oblivious to as your frustration began to rise once more.

"But nothing. You have to try. Forget your infection and think to when we last saw him. Where were we going?"

"..I don't...kn0w..."

"Yes you do. Who was in the elevator with us besides us three?"

"I h4v3 n0 id34..st0p it.." His voice shook.

"Kasper. You need to-"

"ST0P S4Y1NG TH4T N4M3!! Y0U'R3 N0T H3LPING!!" He shouted, and in that same moment the frame glitched, becoming covered in checkered textures. It felt like a sharp pain that pierced his hands, causing him to yelp and drop it to the floor, where it turned back to normal after it cracked.

You scrambled to pick it up without thinking, afraid he'd cut himself if he tried getting it, only to turn it over and discover that the photo inside was now ruined.

Kasper's face had been ripped out, as though the virus was trying its hardest to erase him and make him believe he had this random picture of some guy and a lamp robot for no reason...

'It's destroying everything he touches..'

Then your attention went to your fingers, which have turned pink. You gasped and quickly put the frame down, staring at your hand in horror.

It was already spreading to your wrist.

"W04h! A-Are y0u 0k4y??" Infected jumped out of his chair on instinct, unsure of what to do but wanting to help in some way.

But the moment he reached for you, you stepped away, clutching your wrist and scowling deeply at him. "Stay back! Now you got me infected, too, you jerk!"

"......I....I-I didn't m34n it.." His voice trembled, sounding more and more broken up as tears filled his vision. "I'm s0rry...I'm...s0 s0rry. I sw34r..I-I'm n0t d0ing it 0n purp0s3." Clutching his arm, he fidgeted with his sleeve, looking down at the ground in shame. "I'm sc4r3d, [y/n].."

Slowly, but surely, your gaze softened upon realizing how hurt he looked, and the fact that your insults weren't helping matters. You knew the risk to hanging around him when he was sick, so....how could you blame him?

Even he didn't know what was going on with him.

"I...I'm sorry for yelling. I know you didn't mean it. It's alright. We can see if Dr. Retro knows anything about this. She might have a cure or some medicine."

"......"

"Ka--Infected.."

He perked up, seeing you stepping closer. You knew there was no use in keeping distant from him now, since you caught the sickness, too.

With a small sigh, you patted his shoulder. "I'm not mad, okay? It's my fault for touching that picture frame. But I promise..we'll find a way to deal with this. I'll try to remember stuff for both of us...that is..if it doesn't also take my memor-"

He abruptly flung forward to wrap his arms around you, crushing you in a hug. Despite him sniffling like crazy (and feeling sweaty and gross), you returned it, letting his head fall against your shoulder.

He needed this.

You can't even remember the last time you two hugged, or did any of those cool handshakes he taught you.

"You know we'll have to tell Lampert, right?"

"Mhm.."

"...you want me to tell him?"

"Y34h.."

"Okay, next time the elevator comes, I'll hop on it." You patted his back, already sounding congested yourself, but you tried to ignore it.

Instead, you dread what you're gonna say to Lampert.

'He's gonna be pissed...'

...........

3008.

No, the Regretevator didn't have 3000 floors, but that's what Lampert's home floor was called anyways.

You weren't here to ponder why it was given that name, as the doors opened and you stepped out into a familiar place. A place you'd almost call a "second home".

Unfortunately, you were almost rudely pushed to the ground by some of the occupants--all who were rushing into the depths of ROKEA to find him.

Whoever made the rules apparently decided that should be the "objective" of this floor. But you knew where Lampert liked to hang out best, somewhere only you and Kasper would be able to find him.

So while the players scurried around like rats, racing against the clock, you headed straight to your friend, hoping you'll get to explain yourself without him freaking out.

As expected, you found him standing perfectly still among some lamps, switching his light off after realizing it was only you approaching. "Hi, [y/n]." He greeted with a small smile. "Any luck finding Poptart yet?"

"No." You shook your head, absentmindedly tugging on the glove that covered your arm. "Kas has been worried sick, but I put fresh tape on the posters..so...we'll see if that little kitty turns up."

"I hope so, too. Say..what's with the gloves and mask?"

"Oh these? Um-"

"Were you just cleaning up his apartment with those?" He asked, before sighing and shaking his head. "I hope you changed them. Otherwise they're just as unsanitary as-"

"No, no. I wasn't cleaning. I just...just..."

Your nose began to feel itchy.

Lampert just raised an eyebrow. "Go on."

"I..just..ah...HI-CHOO!" Turning away immediately to cover your sneeze, you were grateful that this place didn't allow it to echo through the air...otherwise you would've easily given away your location.

But after hearing him gasp, you looked back to see him take a huge step away from you, scowling. "Y-You're sick?! Why did you come here?!"

"That's what I was getting to. I...I just wanted you to know that I....caught whatever Kasper had." You briefly removed your glove, revealing the pink that was now almost covering your entire forearm.

Least to say, he was mortified. "No..what do you mean you caught it?? I told you not to hang around him until he felt better!"

"I thought he was getting better..but he's not. It's worse than we realized."

"Well are you surprised?" He scoffed. "He refuses to see a doctor and doesn't seem to care if-"

"It's the virus itself, Lampert. It's taking over his mind."

"...what do you mean?"

"He can't even remember his own name. He got angry and told me to call him "Infected". And even worse? He's...forgetting about all the stuff we did together. He could barely even remember you."

"That's...impossible. An ordinary virus wouldn't give people amnesia!"

"That's what I said, too. But..this clearly isn't ordinary. I was gonna go visit Dr. Retro. If she catches this in the early stages, maybe she can figure out some cure for it. But..I-I just didn't know how fast it would spread. So..." You sighed. "..I wanted to see you first. Just in case I end up forgetting about you, too...which I hope doesn't happen."

"I...understand, but you really should've went to her first." He simply responded, still in utter distraught as he stared at you.

As though you were the disease itself.

Why did this have to happen to his two best friends?

Did some higher being just...hate him specifically? All because he's a little wary of germs?

"I'm gonna go there next." You nodded, making sure the mask was snug on your face, but in that same moment, you heard somebody shout that they found Lampert, and you huffed. "Well shit..guess you gotta come, too."

"As long as you keep your distance, that's fine. Nobody else got sick from you, right?"

As much as his question hurt a little, it was a reasonable one to ask. So you just shook your head. "No. I'll stay in my corner and you can stay in yours."

"Fair enough. I just hope it's not too cramped.."

Nodding, you both headed back towards the elevator, keeping a good amount of distance between yourselves.

There was a time where you would've been walking side-by-side with him and Kasper, sometimes linking arms and bumping shoulders (which even the lamp tolerated back then), and you hoped that maybe one day..you'll be able to go back to that.

For now, though, at least he was willing to share a lobby with you and talk about what's been going on at ROKEA just like old times.

So this virus didn't completely ruin your friendship yet...not that you planned on allowing that to happen.

No way.

You'll find a way to beat this.

You had to.

#clanask #roblox x reader #regretevator x reader #roblox regretevator x reader #regretevator infected #regretevator lampert #angst #platonic

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the-necromancer-wife · 25 days ago

Text

John Doe: Nothing scarier than the detriment of mental health.

TW: Adressing mental health issues and awareness, Spoilers for John Doe game, very long rant.

As the title suggests, I'm sharing my take on this horromance visual novel called John Doe. This was supposed to be only one of those super deep analysis i usually make, looking for symbolisms and deep diving into this game but it quickly turned out to be something slightly different. I will try to adress it with all the respect it deserves.

Origin of the name:

I started thinking about this game for a while now. I was curious on what the name "John Doe" meant in this context. As the guy doesn't really seems able to pronounce his own name in a way we can comprehend or it's kinda infohazardous to hear. So he just asks you to call him "John Doe".

But where did we heard that before?

Funnily enough, John Doe is what we known as a placeholder name used (i think only) in the UK. The feminine equivalent being "Jane Doe", it is a name commonly used for referring to people which name is unknown or intentionally concealed. Of course there are many variations of this placeholder name and in the context of law enforcement in the United States, such names are often used to refer to a corpse whose identity is unknown or cannot be confirmed.

A "John Doe" is what in some countries is called an everyman. A John Doe could be me, you, or whatever person we can think about, it comprehends any age or gender. It's the idea of "everyone can be anything". Of course, the everyman archetype is often used in media to portray a character we can all relate to.

Although the usage became obsolete in the UK in 1852, in the UK usage of "John Doe" survives mainly in the form of John Doe injunction or John Doe order.

8.02 If an unknown person has possession of the confidential personal information and is threatening to disclose it, a 'John Doe' injunction may be sought against that person. The first time this form of injunction was used since 1852 in the United Kingdom was in 2005 when lawyers acting for JK Rowling and her publishers obtained an interim order against an unidentified person who had offered to sell chapters of a stolen copy of an unpublished Harry Potter novel to the media.

("The Law of Professional-Client Confidentiality: Regulating the Disclosure of Confidential Personal Information, Update")

There's something we can keep from all this and is the fact that John Doe didn't chose a random nickname, he chose THE nickname, the name that would place him as any of us since, at some point, we could all end up being "John Doe"s and "Jane Doe"s or unfortunately, "Baby Doe"s (yes, this one is for children). And i think this right here delivers a strong message. But more on that later.

We begin this game with really weird imagery. The "backgrounds" are not what we would expect on a visual novel. It kinda reminds me of this viral "name a thing in this picture" image.

Like...you know these are stuff you know and see everyday, yet you cannot name any of them. It's like your perception is altered when you look at it and suddenly everything looks...familiar...but you cannot really identify anything. You feel...disconnected. You know your brain should be doing its job and placing everything together to help you recognize the full picture...but it just fails in doing so. So you just stay there, scratching your head and wondering what happened.

And this exact vibe is transmited by the backgrounds in this game.

And here in the second image we get a glimpse on the MC: Wakes up late, hasn't showered in three days and overall has this distorted vision of the world around her. And she is, oh so forgetful, according to John Doe. As she "forgets" she invited him to her home in the first place.

There is clearly something wrong with the MC, or at least something is not working for her. And i don't mean it in a quirky or funny way, i mean it as in "mental health related issues". The game doesn't tell us why, but I'm pretty sure MC suffers from depression.

Everything listed earlier are things that happen when your brain functions with depression: Cognitive detriment (You aren't quite aware of your surroundings as you know what you see but your brain cannot really "decode" what are those things), waking up late (as this could indicate an irregular sleep schedule, another very common thing for depressed people), poor personal hygiene (i think this one is the most known) and memory related issues.

But every single one of those symptoms by itself is really not an indicator of a depressed state. In fact, as it also happens with anxiety, you need to make a distinction between a depressed state due to a specific event and long term depression, the later caused by stacks of unsolved issues, non-adressed trauma and lack of skills to ensure mental wellbeing. I believe the MC suffers from this long term depression, as she feels life passes by as an endless loop.

Same day, same routine. And this right here is the premise of John Doe (the game). The day repeating itself over and over. The "wake up, go to work, I'm not hungry, go home, sleep (or don't)". She doesn't laments her situation directly, but this also happens a lot with depression. You don't "feel it", it "makes you feel".

And there is someone else in this loop, stuck with the MC. That is, John Doe himself. I think John Doe encapsules pretty well the concept of "what if".

What if i behaved in certain way, what if i did this, what if i didn't do that. He never loses interest in you. As i heard someone mention somewhere, his "Lost interest" ending is just him leaving you be just beacuse he knows things can be different in the next playthrough. Doe begings thinking that there's a combination of choices that will lead you two to be toghether in a way that pleases him.

As it happens with depression, none of them are focusing on "breaking the loop". And as a fun fact, usually a person doesn't see an exit to their problems not because there is no solution, but because they keep trying the same old solutions over and over.

John Doe does his best. At some point he passes the question "what if everything was normal?"

And this is what we begin to see:

"What if everything was normal"

"What if everything was fine"

This time, the MC has a decent schedule, she seems to be able to see her enviroment clearly and the way she perceives John Doe is not altered. I think this also reflects something among the lines of "When you feel like shit and the world doesn't makes sense, it's hard to focus on any kind of relationship" Often the social isolation becomes something usual in the context of depression and interacting with the people around starts to feel...scary, very much like John Doe and the faces he makes and the way he approaches us. But MC is not depressed this time and he is a "nice guy" this time. He should be accepted, he should be "loved".

I'm getting out of the analysis for a moment to involve a personal experience, to share a piece of myself.

Some years ago i was really in love with this person. I lacked the confidence and hated myself too much and that made me think this person wouldn't remotely like me back if i didn't craft myself carefully like his ideal type. What i believed he would like based on what i knew about him. So i changed. And it felt good at first, because the love i felt for this person was so big that everything else was literally a small price to pay to be by his side. We became a couple and lasted for a long time, but one day i woke up and i didn't recognize myself as a person. I hated myself for being myself.

The truth is, John Doe's story could be anyone's story at some point. That's why his name is literally a placeholder name. The MC's story could also be anyone's story, our story, since we are the MCs after all.

The idea that stuck with me was "Anyone could be this person".

We don't know who lives in a metaphorical endless loop, who lives in a constant depressed state, who is struggling with self-esteem. We don't know. And seeing it from this perspective, it seems like everything that happens is out of our control. That when we're depressed we have nothing more than this. There's nothing else we can do.

But that's when we're wrong.

There's a single thing in the game that seemingly has no effect but personally i like to interpret it as life giving us the ability to choose. Whe can choose to get a bath or not, meaning the personal hygiene is something we do have under control. It is not everything, but it's a start. From all the things listed before that made me think MC was depressed, "getting a bath or not" was the only instance in which we had a choice. If you don't choose it today (as sometimes depressed people don't have the strength to care about that), there is always a tomorrow. But if you do choose it today, that's something meaningful by its own.

And also, we have the fact that our words and actions matter a lot to others.

We matter a lot to others. We make a difference, at least for one person. And anyone could be this person.

...

Soooo if you notice this analysis is a bit more unorganized than others, that's because i didn't have a structure for it. It is more of a personal rant than an essay. But i like to keep it that way. Remember this is just my personal interpretation of the game.

Oh and also I'm planning to make a tag list in case there's people that want to be notified when i post this kind of stuff? Just let me know if there's anyone interested.

#john doe #yandere vn #yandere game #john doe game #john doe analysis #Appleyapping

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