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lornasaurusrex · 6 months

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I miss you Lorna… this is such a mess

This is an old message and I had several other similar messages, but I miss you guys and hope you’re all doing well!! I’m sorry to see nothing has improved.

I saw I was kindly mentioned by @awesomefringey and some other commenters the other day, so just wanted to log in and say hello and log back out for a few more months. 💕

Sending so so much love to all of you. Take care of yourselves and each other, please.

The video is still on YT.

#Anywayyyyy #The fandom added a whole lot more C to my C-PTSD #So a nice random message every few months instead of a freshly posted death wish is LOVELY.#Don’t fret. On meds and therapied but fresh tf out of money from it so @ L and H… lornasaurusrexx at g*ail is the PayPal if ur bored 🙃#I hate to be like this but protect your hearts. They’ll never be able to look out for you guys and they feed these trolls ammo for snacks #and it seems to have only gotten worse. Gotta keep them hets hetbaited for their money whilst actively encouraging them to bully yall? Why?#STILL!? At this point it feels like they’ve both chosen that path deliberately now and I find it quite gross. but I’m also very far removed #So don’t worry about my opinions. Keep trusting your own intuition!!! You all see it. I love you guys and your beautiful hearts and empathy #But I hope they can sleep at night knowing the absolute fucking genuine WRECKAGE they left across the Big Gay War generation/era of Larries #Don’t worry guys I’m just as dramatic as ever. None of this has anything to do with them coming out or anything. Just how we were treated.#But trust I fuckin mean that shit from the deepest darkest pit of my Demon Larrie™️ heart. They encouraged this. 🤷🏼‍♀️#Anyone who cares about my actual life updates: I’m a school nurse now and will be working at a bougie summer camp over break #Had a surgery I needed. Got new tattoos and piercings. In a happy and healthy relationship with the best dude for almost a year now.#OH and I went to New Zealand last year with Prettytruthsandlies!!!! We made a pact back in our Big Gay War/college days to go. And we DID!!#I got overstimulated and overfed and puked in Hobbiton. 🤣 (It was the best time of my LIFE GENUINELY🥰🥰🥰🥰🥹🥹🥹)#Okay BYE LOVE YOU GUYS #There are better and more humane ways to maintain a closet ..like literally STFU entirely. Ignoring it and not exploiting a kid is FREE #🇵🇸

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doubleedgemode · 4 months

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I wanted to go on a drawing spree yesterday, but I could only muster these two before dozing off.

First one, even if I'm not that sure about how I drew her face shape in this angle (and most importantly I forgot her neck and torso bandages OOPS) I do really like how most of the drawing came out. And at least it isn't a bland bust this time, though I'm pretty sure I've already drawn a pose like this before. (Oh no the next drawing is a 3/4 bust again..)

Second, yesterday I saw an artist draw some of the coolest redesigns ever for a different media piece, and thought about the many awesome gg redesigns I often see so I wanted to give A.B.A a spin... Except I was out of ideas so most of this drawing is her regular design haha. I got too tired to even try to attempt to draw the rest of the body and half-assed the key but I like the vibes and pose (even if I.. think I made her neck a bit too long? Old habits die hard... Necks are my enemies when drawing!)

I like the idea of her having a key take on the classic frankenstein bolts (though wait, her head key is referred to as a screw. Would this also be a screw or key shaped bolts??-)

#this counts as a pride post because I am very gay for her #her uneven shoulders and stray eyebrow hair (like some d.bz characters <3) have captivated me #anyways sorry for being so wordy in the post... I will be wordier in the tags! sorry. feel free to skip these I'm just gonna ramble #while drawing these I realised I was accidentally doing a shitty a.b.a cosplay: eyebags. hairband. stitches and what Ishiwatari would call #morbid pallor LMAO. I admit I put on the hairband because of her <3 but the rest was unintentional. I hadn't worn one in yrs cause I don't #*didn't like how my hair looks w it plus felt kinda rigid but.. my current hair w a hairband is growing on me? prob not gonna wear it outsid #but thank u a.b.a for making me retry it <3. also the head feeling is kinda cool. though mine is of a hard material n I'm p sur hers is soft #anyways. I have one of this year's most important assignments/appointments tomorrow. wish me luck #after that I'll still have to go do productive adulting but I'll be able to sleep better n have energies n time to draw stuff n gaming #til that happens stuff is super hectic in all senses so drawing this goober is my escape valve. uh dunno what else. I'm tired #also oh I wanna take a moment to say thsnk u to all the people that like my art of her (and art in general but 95% art I upload her is her #LMAO) I don't wanna get parasocial but I do recognise your usernames and how u keep up with my kilometric tags. you make my day sometimes.#also huh my art (style?) got different lately. Idk how I feel. but drawing dif stuff is cool #wtf did I catch up the habit of drawing each hairstrand. my hand dislikes it. IMAGINE IF I DREW MILL.IA INSTEAD AAAAA #a.b.a #art tag2b named #edit for better term: thank youuu. may the homunculus obsession unite us all <3

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kattitude130 · 8 months

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I LOVE TESTAMENT AND THEIR CHARACTER ARC SO MUCH IT GIVES ME THE STRENGTH TO BITE THROUGH METAL RAAAAAAAAAUAUUUUUUGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THINKING ABOUT IT GIVES ME HEART BURN #i think villains should be redeemed and come out as transgender more often #‘i carried myself like a demon despite being surrounded by accepting people’ paraphrased quote but i chew on it daily #pre-strive testament i love youuuuuu strive testament i love youuuuuuu #waaauuuhhhh wails and cries #guilty gear #my post #i believe in my soul that they and dizzy have been keeping in touch #but i also wouldn’t mind a happy reunion with lots of catching up #i just hgugugurrrhrhhhhrhhrhagh *tears through metal beams with my teeth*#sniffle sob cries #ok i’m done *will cry myself to sleep later*#actually no i’m also thinking of an au where dizzy gave sin to testament to protect instead #it would make sense #aauauughdhahhahhh #ok now i’m done

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airenyah · 8 months

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god ever since i watched simm (and msp), seeing these two in bad buddy just completely takes me out every single time

like!! what are you doing there sean (sound) and daonuea, go back to your own show(s)!!!!!!! did you get lost or something

#i just. bad buddy is NOT the series i would associate satang and dunk with #i keep forgetting they were in bad buddy and then bad buddy hits me with high school scenes on a rewatch #same thing with the other msp kids in the background of the high school scenes #or the gemini/fourth/ford cameo in ep10 #it makes me giggle #but it also takes me out #like in ep12 after satang shows up it cuts to the scene in the room #and you don't even see dunk's face. you can see him only from behind #but you can hear his voice and i'm just #i had to pause and giggle and collect myself before i could continue #(actually i haven't continued yet bc i'm making a tumblr post about it instead lmao)#it's even worse now that i'm in my joongdunk era like #dunk in bad buddy just doesn't feel Right dfgjkdfkgf #but at the same time if i ever had to answer the question what year and in which series dunk debuted on gmmtv #i could tell you the answer in my SLEEP with zero hesitation #airenyah plappert #bbs #bbs ep12 #dunk natachai #satang kittiphop #adrm #well i'm continuing my rewatch now #wish me luck that i'll be able to focus on what is happening in the scene #despite my brain constantly going #it's satang and dunk!!!! dunk and satang!!!! hi dunk!!! hi satang!!!! my boys!!! can you believe it's satang and dunk!!!!!#edit: i hit ''post'' then went to click on the tab where i was watching bbs‚ saw dunk's face (where i paused for the above screenshot)#and immediately started laughing again jfkjksdkjdsf #yes this is going well

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mun-urufu · 5 months

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hehe

Me and my 9 followers going on adventures discovering which rabbit hole I’ll fall down this night and spend multiple hours on :D

good night I should genuinely go to sleep

will check on yall tomorrow morning

love you all

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triglycercule · 22 days

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i want to headcanon the mtt having absolutely terrible hygiene and struggling to keep themselves clean (this MAY... just QUITE POSSIBLY.... only in the SLIGHTEST bit be projection) but i think it would be too gross and man EVEN I dont wanna think about that

also killer canonically smells good and i actually really LIKE that idea so oh shit there goes that idea out the window. horror and dust youre my only hope please let me make you smell bad for reasons you won't understand

#also i dont think i. just got a sense of dejavu wtf. anyways #i dont think im THAT bad at maintaining my hygiene..... like i dont bed rot for months which isn't good by any means #but if i havent reached that point of bad hygieneness then i dont think i should be talking about this topic #sure i may uhhh may struggle to brush my teeth and shower multiple times a week but like. ngl it's not that bad #i am NORMAL okay THIS IS NORMAL. people struggle with this stuff all the time everyday i dont need to be making a whole post on this topic #i wish that the capital i in this app looked different. because when i wanna emphasize I it just looks normal #i type like how i speak has it not become glaringly obvious yet. so it boggles and bothers me when i cant emphasize i like i can irl #the laundry piles in dusts room are probably unfathomably tall he just throws it all into one corner (HES JUST LIKE ME FR!!! I DO TJIS!!!!!)#all the water in horrortale has turned toxic and polluted and bad so horror's only option is to not shower or shower in dirty water #he chooses the former because what if that water has monster dust sprinkled in it. his paranoia wont let him shower in dust infused water #TRIGLYCERCULE GET YOUR FUCKING LIFE TOGETHER INSTEAD OF THINKING AND PROJECTING ONTO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. SCHOOL STARTS IN 3 DAYS.#I KNOW I KNOW IM SORRY.... IM SORRY OKAY I KNOW!!! I KNOW THIS IS BAD!!! I WILL TRY!!!!!!#anyways back to projecting. do you think dust has sheets on his little matress bed #because the sheets will enevitably get dusty and then he's gonna have to lay on the dust of those he killed and thats a bad thought #sheets can fix the problem temporarily because he can just change them out and wash them #but also.... changing sheet hard.... take long time..... dust just want sleep.... rot away..... so no sheet on matress??? idk #dust might be able to make fun of horror and killer for having food issues but #killer gets to make fun of dust and horror for having hygiene issues #he's had his lows but he's never gotten THAT low 🤣🤣🤣🫵🫵🫵 LOSERS!!!!!#what does horror get to make fun of them for??? idk murder #killer might be able to keep himself clean but he cannot keep anything else around him clean with thet goddamn eye goop so HAH take that #me on my way to overshare with strangers on the internet. this isnt that bad compared to other stuff ive seen online actually #triglycercule can you just shut the fuck up and get back to posting about the mtt nobody CARES #alright..... limps away like a kicked and beated puppy...... like killer after getting abused by nightmare for the 56th time..........#advanced humor only utmv fans will get it #tricule rant #i said i wasnt gonna make the post but i did infact make the post. just in tags #me when i LIE #just offically reached 50 drafts where my medal. i should clear them out? alright shoot that guy

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ereborne · 7 months

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Song of the Day: February 23

“Inkpot Gods” by The Amazing Devil

#song of the day #'if I don't make it back from where I've gone / just know I loved you all along'#I'm setting up my queue for a more proper recommendation tomorrow but I've been rereading 'shoulder the sky' by Night_Fury #the whole series draws from various Amazing Devil lines for titles and such #'back then I was dauntless' is my favorite reworking of the Melidaan arc I've ever seen absolutely anywhere #and the title is a line from my favorite Amazing Devil song 'The Calling' but 'Inkpot Gods' is used to stunning effect in-story #and the beautiful refrain from the end of the song is playing in my head now as I keep going into the series #today was a deeply unpleasant day: the inevitable finally happened and Duncan cut himself doing his mudlarking #we'd been trying to schedule a preventative tetanus shot but several times we've gone in for the properly scheduled shot #and found out that they didn't actually have one in stock. unspeakably frustrating #and today we ran out of time for a preventative one. I woke up #(actually I woke up for work as he was going out for his walk but I got a migraine halfway through my morning meeting--no good--#and took the rest of the day off--turns out to have been a very good thing--and went back to sleep. so I woke up the second time)#to Duncan coming back from his walk with a sliced finger and the grody plastic-and-tin swan that had done the slicing #(picture of said swan under the cut because why not. it does look neat. can't see the sharp edge in the pic though it's underneath)#and so then we called the pharmacy and got the same automated 'of course you can have a tetanus shot' as ever so we made an appointment #and we got there and they did actually have a shot in stock this time! except that they weren't able to administer it #because now he's post-exposure that's a different shot and they aren't allowed. so we had to go to the urgent care instead #all told we spent about four hours out of the house on this mission but Duncan did get his shot and some bonus antibiotic goo for the cut #and it was worth it but also bleeeeeeegh it was miserable. which is where my recommendations do come in #when I tell y'all that I spent today reading Night_Fury's fics and also looking at valiants' CoD art and it saved me #whooo I mean it. being simultaneously stressed + bored is the nightmare state for me and instead I had wonderful things in my phone

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wolpatinga · 1 month

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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good #or that it's getting better. i really do #i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess #cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them #and i could not tell you why #this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here #but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that #isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts #the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself #and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone #and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this #which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago #and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine #and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message #does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them #i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action #it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now #i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon #and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates #it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said #thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles #i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms #it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know #and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort #and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it #god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts #idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better

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torchickentacos · 1 year

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ok i slept for uhhh seventeen hours on and off since last night bc chronic illness <3 BUT that means I'll be up until like five am tonight. sad. BUT!!! that gives me time to read fics that i've meant to for months, and reading fic in general is something i don't do often so i'm kind of excited for my accidental all nighter era.

#ok. adding this in post. accidental chronic illness vent in tags #I FINALLY DON'T HAVE SCHOOLWORK TO BE DOING INSTEAD #deadass i finished my exam and project on sunday #and have been in crash mode ever since #i need to just give into it #on one hand i feel guilty that I HAVE the luxury of giving into it #because tons of people don't #but also i know that i have the luxury BECAUSE i planned my schedule/life around my illnesses #i KNOW this happens. especially in the fall (see: october slide) so I take lighter courseloads #and it's so hard. I feel like I struggle with things most people can do in their sleep.#I don't have enough blood in my brain to think half the time /literally and medically. not joking here #I'm chronically pretty fucking hypoxic and have blood pooling #so i know I need to be more understanding of myself here #but realizing your limits are different from other people is just so difficult to reckon with #especially in your early twenties (21.5) when I see other people making huge progress towards independence #i WILL still move out within the next couple years if i can help it. but I also know it will be uniquely challenging for me.#sigh.#I desperately want independence but it doesn't really want me lol #too bad for independence though. I've made it work this far and I'll keep pushing as far as I can with it.#my main concern is driving though. driving and brain fog reaction times/occasional syncope are. not great things to mix!#will cross that bridge when i get there

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frecklystars · 2 months

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Wow, 32 asks. Thank you guys so much 😭😭 last night was one of the worst shifts I ever had at work. I feel like i keep reverting back to a year ago when everything was fresh. it's been extraordinarily difficult the past couple of months but it always eases the ache when I read nice messages. it genuinely calms me down a lot when other people tell me it's gonna be ok. so thank you to everyone who took the time to do that for me ;-;

I'm gonna be honest, I feel super hopeless. I am not getting joy from anything right now. Drawing, socializing, watching movies, listening to music, I'm feeling *absolutely nothing*. I am triggered by the SMALLEST fucking things that I thought I was getting better at handling. I'm having trouble wearing skirts again. I'm flinching around the color pink when I was doing SO much better with it. For the last nine days, I haven't gone three hours without having a panic attack. I'm not sleeping. My flashbacks are lasting longer. I'm having out of body experiences again for the first time in almost a year. I feel so hopeless. I told myself one year ago "hey I feel like I'm dying right now my ptsd is so fucking bad but! hey! one year from now, I'll feel better! this will feel so far away from me!" but I don't. I don't feel better. I don't think it's possible to feel better bc I'm too broken. It's been over a year and I don't feel like it's possible for me to make progress.

My Barbie/Ken anniversary is coming up and I was excited for the first couple of weeks, but right now I just... feel absolutely nothing. I am so, so, so severely depressed and my anxiety is getting worse every day. I need help out of my unsafe situation so fucking bad dude it's just gonna kill me. I'm so scared this whole thing is gonna genuinely kill me. I wish I could talk about it but I don't want to scare people but at the same time, it's so bad and it's weighing on me so heavily and I am so fuckign tired of dealing with this every single day

I don't know if I'm gonna go offline or not, bc my problem isn't even online. so... I don't see how being offline would help much. I just feel like I'm supposed to do SOMETHING, literally ANYTHING to feel something. Going offline last time made me feel significantly worse, so maybe that shouldn't be my next step. But I feel nothing when I'm blogging right now. I tried making a Jacob edit the other day and I felt no joy. I want to be filling up my queue for the 21st, all of my Barbie and Ken photos and gifsets. I should be writing Barbie and Ken love notes. I should be making video edits again! but I feel nothing!!! This is the one and only anniversary that actually matters to me this year - sorry to the other 12 Ryan F/Os who have anniversaries but THIS ONE is THE most important one, because these two characters are the F/Os that have helped me the most with my abuse trauma/cptsd. They're the whole reason why I started self shipping again. I want to celebrate that. I want to be excited about it. I am just so fucking numb.

I NEED to feel something for this anniversary, I miss celebrating F/O anniversaries! I don't get to do that anymore since self shipping was ruined for me! Since my main F/Os were ruined for me! I deserve to have a good time with my new F/Os!! I am a good person and I am kind despite all the bullshit I've been through and I work really hard to try to heal from shit! I try to stay positive and I try to help people and I!!! Deserve!! To have a day where I feel good with my F/Os without reliving every single horrifying vile thing that someone did to me! but I feel so empty right now and it hurts! I was excited a couple of weeks ago when I was planning all the activities i was gonna do on the 21st, like a restaurant and a movie and baking and throwing a party with my friends, but now?? Nothing. Absolutely NOTHING in my heart. I feel so goddamn empty. I am so depressed. I really really feel like I can't get better. It's been over a year and I am incapable of healing from my trauma and I don't know what to do about it. I am trying so many things to heal!! I'm going walking, I'm eating way healthier and cutting sugar to see if that helps clear my head a bit more, I'm getting sun, I'm drinking so much water, I'm exercising, I've cut my screen time significantly and reading more often, I'm hanging out with my friends as much as I can, I am trying everything in the book and I feel like a zombie just sitting here and rotting to death, going through the motions and reliving my trauma in my head over and over and over and over and over and over again and I can't get any fucking peace. It's like everybody in the world is living their days while the planet is spinning but I am stuck in the same spot reliving the most horrific bullshit imaginable over and over and over. I feel like I've lost almost 2 years of my life to trauma. I don't feel like I've aged, I feel like everything happened yesterday. I feel like I'm stuck in one spot while everybody else is walking forward and I can't move.

Sorry to ramble I didn't mean to turn this into a vent post but idk what else to do. I don't know if I should go offline on my actual anniversary or maybe a couple of days leading up to it?? Or maybe I'm supposed to BE online and blog about the F/Os to see if that helps me feel better?? Being offline made me feel worse. But being online isn't helping me either. Dude I don't fucking know. I need to work on some crafts or something. I need to make a BarbieLand diorama and paint it. I'm gonna bake heart shaped cookies for the first time this weekend. I'm gonna invite my friends over and we're gonna have a party on Sunday and watch the Barbie movie together. I don't know what else to do but I have to just... keep trying I guess even though I feel nothing while doing these things, it's better than doing nothing

If anyone has advice or something, it's more than welcome. Or even just a "wow, that's rough, buddy". I'm sorry for being negative, I try to remain positive on this hellsite but it's so hard right now. Thank you again to everyone who wrote me a nice message last night when I was hurting. I'm sorry I'm gonna probably be asking for encouraging messages a few more times in the next few weeks bc supportive messages are the only things that have been effectively (affectively?) helping me lately

#self harm mention #<- in the tags #vent #im sorry ill delete this later #ok im gonna try to sleep now and my queue will just post while im gone. as always #i am so tempted to stay offline for another month but i know that will be bad for me #i need to make love notes again. try to self ship again. but i dont feel anything for any f/os #i self harmed at work last night in the storage closet just to feel physical pain for 2 seconds instead of intense anxiety #why do i feel like i did a year ago?? why am i suddenly So Fucking Bad right now??#why am i relapsing so fucking hard?????#no. i know why. but i cant do anything to control/fix that situation so. cool. coolcoolcool #i am just doomed to never heal i think this is my new life now im just always gonna be dealing with this #i never would have imagined my life would ever get this bad. i wish i could go back in time #idk how to explain to ppl without cptsd this shit just EATS at you every single second youre alive #i cant function and i thought id be better by now but im not. i keep reliving everything that happened to me and i cant relax #ok i need to sleep its 6am. ill queue this for. whenever i dont care it doesnt matter #im sorry if i end up not answering any dms today im Going Thru It

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tjerra14 · 2 months

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you ever feel like you need to leave your body

#it's like my insides are clawing on my skin trying to get out #pretty sure sleep will fix the issue #(why am i posting about it on tumblr instead of doing that you may wonder)#(i'm stupid and trying to keep my fingers from clenching too hard that's why)#but man.#famously this is my wednesday affliction #because two long work days plus a short one with chores usually will do it #...wait a minute.#it's wednesday.#but i didn't even work today??#wtf #is it the goddamn chores??#KAUFLAND???#are you telling me i end up overstimulated from. fricking. grocery shopping.#is that it.#no #i refuse #goddammit

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patheticpuppyboyslut · 3 months

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(not hornyposting just musing lol) so i’m a singer-songwriter and performer irl and i’m thinking about the fact that i go around on a day to day basis singing serious, professional songs that use dogs and brainwashing and cannibalism as painful heartbroken metaphors. and i’ve been doing this for years but little by little all these things i process my anguish through in songwriting, have also become how i satisfy my sex drive. and i don’t know what to do with that information i just think it’s wild!! fun fact abt me i guess. i go out there in public singing about how service is my fulfillment and calling myself a good boy and i sing about wanting to be violently torn apart and eaten and i’m like. yeah it’s a metaphor. yeah dw i’m really normal. i don’t fantasize about having my humanity stripped from me and being treated like a stupid sweet puppy barking and whining for my lovers sick and twisted pleasure what are you TALKING about. i just like the poetic imagery of it. i SWEAR.

#i just think it’s silly….#like no joke i’ve written five songs this school year and lets see #there’s one about being a ‘‘silly stupid angel’’ who’s degraded and abused and idealized and stripped of all dignity #(yes it’s a commentary on the patriarchy. yes it’s about the toxic relationship i was in at the time. it’s also several of my kinks in one)#there’s one called GOOD BOY about being a dog. whining and kicking up the dirt. growling and whimpering. being taken advantage of #ITS JUST A METAPHOR. obviously. i actually wasn’t into puppy play yet when i wrote that song iirc. guess it got to me….#then there’s the cannibalism one. i gave my soul up you can eat me raw diced up and vulnerable i’m yours to try #it’s a ummmm it’s just a commentary. (also about my toxic relationship. he didn’t want to fuck OR eat me. but somehow still used me)#anyway the other two are just normal one is about filtering myself for him and the other is about being oppressed and poor and angry lol #still though. the fact that over half my songs are literally my kinks turned into poetry. and NOBODY KNOWS #it’s not my fault that those things are on my mind ALL THE TIME. what am i supposed to write songs about if not being a stupid puppy??#i don’t think anyone on my kink blog ACTUALLY wants to hear about this but my kinks are secret so this is the only place i can post about i #hope u can get some sort of psychological insight about me?? or idk stalk me?? show up 2 my shows and kidnap and use me?? who said that #i’m not even like. wet rn i’m just on here as reflex. and i’m THINKING. abt my TWISTED MIND and the weird shit i write about #in an intellectual way. cause i’m not USING my KINK BLOG this week. cause i SAID SO cause i need to KEEP MY WITS ABOUT ME #so i’m gonna be so normal. and not touch myself even a little bit cause i need to sleep and i need to move house and i need to be so normal #unrelatedly: tomorrow i’ll be one month on testosterone!! definitely hasn’t awakened anything in me….#anyway. anyway. i’m going to try to go to bed. probably going to end up edging myself stupid instead though #will just have 2 see what happens…. god it would be a shame if someone came in and used my sleeping body. who said that

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binders-and-beanies · 6 months

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Doin bad again folx

#might delete later I’m just wide awake and miserable #summer bill came out today and it’s $7100 not including housing which will be $2400 #literally dunno how im gonna pay for that and my dad is. adding to the emotional turmoil of it all #not able to get a loan at least not before the bill is due #able to get aid luckily but again who knows when or how much #my bday is tomorrow and for months I’ve been like please just let my bday be a good day i need one #i need some hope. not that I haven’t had good experiences lately bc I have. but nothing that lasts #nothing i get to feel good about for more than a day before a new problem drops #I need to enjoy my birthday without feeling this deep dark dread and fear and fucking guilt and hopelessness #I have fun plans for today And tomorrow and I’m grateful but honestly stressed about that too #bc it’s gonna be a lot + bc of all I need to do outside of that #+ I don’t get to spend my bday w friends the way I want like I have one friend Maybe coming w me #my bday is supposed to feel celebratory and instead it feels like absolutely forcing some illusion of choice or joy in my life #on top of it all. the most peaceful I usually ever feel is in bed w my partner and now my body won’t even let me hold or be held by them #currently laying next to them not touching them so I at least don’t keep them up w how physically miserable I am rn #I’m literally always physically miserable at this point and it feels like spring is never gonna come and provide any relief #but it’s like can I at least be cozy w them. nope instead I’m wide awake facing various horrors #despite being permanently exhausted and falling asleep in class after 40 ounces of coffee #Im just. so fucking unhappy in life rn dude I don’t want life to be like this forever with the constant threat of it getting much worse #fucking shred of joy in this godforsaken world: the sleep noises they r making rn #mine #txt #vent post #suicidal ideation tw #<- cry for help

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toytulini · 4 months

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i made an oc thats at least nicknamed "Stupid" and im constantly thinking about what a power move that is tbh

#toy txt post #i miss it i should play w her more often but it was going to be for a dnd thing that ive all but abandonded bc i feel like #i cant. do that but it sucks bc i had some cool fun concepts and characters but it was hard enough back then when i was just insecure and #knew nothing about dnd and was intimidated by the mechanics but wanted to try dming for some reason but now i just straight up dont know #what to do but i really enjoy those characters. i should just unlock the secret channelsand scrap the dnd game idea for now and keep the #concepts and im sure i could come up w something if i ever actually learned anything about that shit #anyway. my point being. im obsessed w my character i made up and you should be too cos its good shit #toxic anarchist half dragon demigod with authority issues whos an alloaro clown named Stupid Cupid.#i think her pronouns were whatever but also it/she? when i say toxic i mean it did have a bit of a Clown Cult.#Cupid i think is possibly its given name and Stupid was her clown ass addition and yes i do know of the song and yes it is on its playlist #obsessed w all the stupid overpowered characters i made in that universe. they were such good concepts. gulliver obviously. charybdis #silas (cupids father + previous (now deceased) god of chaos)#cupids mother who i dont think i had a name for yet but she was supposed to be kind of a neutral lawful (in a rules lawyering way)#moon paladin who hatefucked the god of chaos after failing to kill him which she was trying to do out of devotion to the moon #and she supposed to have what i can only describe as chainsaw powers? and she destroyed every gun in existence and killed anyone who knew #how to make them until there were no guns left bc silas kept being annoying w guns and was trying to use them on the moon. for reasons #so she really pissed him off and impressed him before she finally got to him and tried to kill him. and if she was even a minor god instead #of a 'mortal' it wouldve worked and thats the only reason he didnt die from her. and then her child. stupid cupid the clown #grew up and had issues and started a clown cult and wandered around usurping warlords and dictators before putting her aim on silas #and trying to kill him. but failing not bc she was mortal but bc he outsmarted it. but he couldbt bring himself to kill it so he had her #put to sleep for a thousand yrs until someone else killed him(he pissed off a stupid seagull druid who lured him into the path of Charybdis #who he'd ALSO pissed off and Charybdis mega killed him and then the gull druid was made the new god of chaos just to have someone fill the #roll but then they kind of suck at it? they did not want that much responsibility altho the immortality is nice. when they took over they #released cupid whos a bit of a legend but then the vibes are super weird bc cupid Definitely wants to usurp and take on the mantle of #chaos deity and gulliver idolizes her but doesnt feel great about just handing that over to it? and cupid has to grapple with not being the #one to kill silas. almost everyone she knew is dead. her mom isnt. the world has changed a lot. she finds out her cult is still going and #gets excited? but they have Changed. it disgusts her now. they are not the radical clowns she intended. the vibes are weird. she denounces #that and tries out piracy. she manages to get the moon paladin living chainsaw power?#despite not being aligned w their ideology at all. wow nepotism. then it was going to spiral into some fucking meta galactic shit and have #well. ran out of tags. anyway i miss this character i should figure out what im doing w this universe cos theres no way im dming rn 🙃

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thethingything · 4 months

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oh our sleep schedule is well and truly fucked. because of course it would go to shit at a time where having a regular sleep schedule is especially important for us remembering to take meds at the right time

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #I woke up at like 5:45am very disoriented after a very vivid and confusing dream #I'm definitely dissociated to all fuck from my emotions because I can tell that if I wasn't I'd have probably cried by now #I do not want to deal with this but here we are #I also had stuff I mant to do during the time I ended up sleeping for instead so I'm upset about that too #but I mostly just don't want to be on the wrong sleep schedule again #especially when I'm already so stressed and irritable and struggling to keep up with stuff #and our routine is basically the one thing that lets me actually remember to take my meds properly and stuff like that

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skitskatdacat63 · 2 years

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2005 United States Grand Prix - aka Tiago Montiero having the best day of his life and everybody else having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

#Idk why I gifed this I just thought it'd be funny yknow #also ive already posted for every grand prix so far so even tho this race is an absolute shitshow i might as well #so yeah i moreso made this gifset for continuity and archival reasons rather than any actual passion for the race itself #i think i watched like half or more of the race but there rly was no point so i skipped to the post-race #i still cant believe they actually let this happen #only six drivers???? and the three teams were ferrari and the two backmarker teams??? actually insane #the best part of this race was the commentators absolutely going off and they kept calling it a farce #but yknow what? good for tiago!#(oh yeah btw this is the last post before my posting 'schedule' changes since my semester is resuming on monday)#(ive tended to post at like 4-6 am bcs of my horrible sleep schedule)#(and hopefully ill be able to keep up the one race a day grind and if so ill prob post in the evening instead!)#(that prob doesnt rly matter to anyone but i personally care about consistently posting so i thought i should at least mention that)#michael schumacher #rubens barrichello #tiago montiero #jenson button #2005 united states gp #we do a little bit of f1 #f1 #formula 1 #(2005: 9/19 races watched)

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