#i knew a trans guy in drama club

[xxxcertifiednerdxxx]

Are u really/still LDS? Saw ur tags about himbo not being a gendered word, am very curious to hear more about ur experience as a member of LDS who also cares about trans rights/trans people.

Hi! Welcome!

i will put my answer under a cut bc it’s long and rambly, but hopefully it makes sense!

I am indeed still an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I will hopefully be serving a mission soon.

First of all, every true Christian knows the two great commandments: to love God with all thy heart and might, and to love thy neighbor as thyself. (which you can’t do if you hate yourself, but that’s a discussion for another time.)

There is also the commandment that goes something like: don’t comment on the more in thy brother’s eye when thou hast not plucked the beam out of your own eye, which means don’t go policing other people about what you say is right and wrong when you have your own faults to overcome.

I am literally just some guy. I’m not perfect, and I’m definitely not God. But i am a child of God, and so is everyone else.

I don’t know what anyone except for me is really going through, and i honestly try not to think too much about myself or else I will break (it’s a problem I’m trying to overcome).

Basically, it all boils down to i think everyone deserves kindness and respect and safety, and I think offering those is a much more effective way to share the Light of Christ than preaching at people who don’t really want to hear all that.

Something people unfortunately don’t talk about enough about my church is our belief of the importance of agency. I don’t know how other religions explain the existence of Satan, but we believe one of the reasons he was cast out of Heaven was he wanted to force us to do what it takes to return to heaven. We wouldn’t have free will. We wouldn’t have agency. This is one of our foundational beliefs.

Obviously, some things do have consequences, like murder. Murder shouldn’t go unchecked. But even then, I don’t know why so-and-so killed another guy. So I’ll leaving the judgement to God and focus on being a good person myself.

I wouldn’t barge into the house of someone who is catholic or Muslim or Jewish or Buddhist or anything and tell them their beliefs are wrong and they need to adopt my beliefs; why would I do that to someone trans?

I’m not going to say my church’s beliefs are wrong bc I believe my church is true, but I heard someone say perception is reality, which I really like. What I believe is true to me, and what you believe is true to you. Hopefully we will all find truth, and we will love each other along the way.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

was ita for ghosting/cutting off my ex girlfriend after our junior year?

i (currently 17, trans M) knew this girl (currently 17(?), F) from around 7th grade [middle school] to 11th grade [junior year of high school], so five school years/ten ish years total, give or take. we just graduated this year so this is kind of old drama, i was happier not talking to her but i always kind of regretted not giving her like. the reasons why

we dated from i wanna say. the middle of 7th grade to the middle of our freshman year. she broke up with me because her other boyfriend at the time was jealous she was dating another person [both of us are polyamorous]. we stayed in contact but i got a bit distant during lockdown because my mental health was going down the drain fast and i was just kind of isolating myself from Everyone, but got back into regular contact at the beginning of junior year because of our schools dungeons & dragons club.

she was running basically a continuation of the campaign that had been cut short because of lockdown and i didnt know any of the other campaigns DMs so i decided to join her campaign again since i had been missing my character anyways. at this point id been out for about three years i think? and made a point of introducing myself to the group with my chosen name and he/him pronouns. i dont pass very well, but i usually had a trans pride flag and pronoun pin visible on my outfit whenever we had sessions. my character was also a trans man, only using he/him pronouns as well.

whenever she addressed me or my character, she defaulted to using she/her and my deadname, despite my constant correcting her and the other party members. the only people in the party that used both the right name and pronouns for me and my character were the only other trans person (currently 18, F) in the group who she also constantly misgendered, and a guy (currently 18, M) id become pretty close friends with, since we'd accidentally started a running joke about my character being his characters dad.

i started to kind of resent her and the other party members for the constant deadnaming and misgendering and honestly was just waiting for the campaign to be over. it wrapped up at the end of the year and i just took the opportunity to stop interacting with her entirely. i had made other friends that year, and had a few from the old friendgroup we had both been part of, that respected both my name and pronouns with no issues apart from the very rare accidental deadname.

senior year passed without me talking to her a single time, only really seeing her in the halls like. once a week. now that we've graduated i doubt i'll see her all that much except the way you sometimes see a kid from school at the grocery store or the mall or wherever, so theres not really anything i can do to get back in contact or make amends or whatever, and even if i could i dont think id really want to unless she showed she could handle actually using the right name and pronouns for me.

shes shown she can use them for a mutual friend of ours (currently 18, trans M) that passes really well so it just always made me feel like she didnt give enough of a shit about me or respect me enough to actually see me as the man i am. so. idk. was ita?

What are these acronyms?

[pagodazz]

Any Vinnie hcs? Like any? Making a very lore focused edit for him rn and I just really like your takes on his character

OMGGG lore edit for Vinnie... it's so rare that people even care about the lore in this fandom.. let alone vinniee,,, OFC I HAVE HCS FOR YOU!!!!!! THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY FR. IM SO GLAD PPL LIKE MY TAKES.

Vinnie is my #1, he's quite literally everything to me and I've gone out of my way to go frame by frame for shit just for him man. like I can notice the smallest thing about him and it's a MASSIVE deal to me.

So starting off, Vinnie is GOTH. majorly goth. If he had the money or confidence, he'd be going all out with the goth look.

Although I think Vinnie does have a makeup kit in his room, one he keeps really hidden from the guys. He basically taught himself how to do all his own makeup, and sometimes if he'll feel confident enough, he'll go out to a goth club, if he's up for partying.

PRINCETON VINNIE DEFINITELY WENT TO GOTH CLUBS. He was probably out partying more than he ever needed to be. He was on any kind of drug he could get his hands on and I can just see him absolutely thriving in there, finally feeling like he has a place he belongs, even though he truly never actually fits in.

emh Vinnie will definitely paint his nails black and he'll listen to goth music. (ofc it's not the only genre he listens to, he listens to about anything)

---------------

Vinnie is a massive stoner, probably to the point where he smokes 24/7, and he just can barely manage to function without it. He doesn't exactly want to be this way but it's difficult with all the stress he's going through all the time, and Including the fact that Vinnie is aware of EVERYTHING ALWAYS, Like he's the voyeur guys,,, he sees everything all the time.

He knew how everything was going to end before it ended, he's alot more aware of things than people think he is, and that just means you fell for all his lies. Vinnie has up this front they he doesn't know anything, but in reality he's haunted by the constant memories of all the lives he's lived before and he only wishes to escape that constant loop of feelings fear.

--------------

I said this in my vinvan hcs but I'll say it again here too, I hc Vinnie as. trans guy, (trans girl if I'm feeling a little silly), he either has 0 surgeries or just top surgery, (bonus points if it's habit that gave him top surgery. like when he gave him the piercing and cutting Vinnie's hair he was just like oh lol yeah !! these can go too)

I think he's rather closeted about that, he just feels like he needs to hide himself, he doesn't want to have to deal with the drama it causes when he corrects people on his pronouns and shit, if anything Evan will be the one who gets pissed off FOR him.

Vinnie knows how to defend himself it's not like he needs Evans help, but he appreciates it nonetheless.

----------------

I also hc that Vinnie always wanted to be a movie director or an author, he did seem to think about taking psychology too in college (canon btw, along w him being in film) And I think he just genuinely wanted to do story telling. So when he stumbled across the opportunity to actually film his own tragic life, his own movie where he himself is the main character (even though you all think it's Evan 😞) he TOOK that opportunity and RAN with it.

HIS chance with the spotlight, HIS chance to be loved. His chance to be seen.

----------------

TYTYTY SO MUCH ANON I LOVE WRITING HCS THIS MEANS SO MUCH THAT PEOPLE CSRE ABOUT WHAT I HAVE TO SAYY

[realmupp]

I’m bored so I’ve decided to answer all these questions

1. Which labels do you use?

I use a TON of labels so if you want to see them all, it’s linked in the pinned post on my profile

2. Do you like to use the term queer for yourself? Or just LGBT, etc?

I use both because I like ‘em

3. Which pronouns do you use?

He/They

4. Are you "out" to your family and friends?

I’m not out to any of my family members but I am out to a lot of my friends

5. Are you "out" publicly?

No because I only come out to people I trust

6. (If you're out) do you wish you came out sooner?Later? Or was it the right time?

I think all but one of the times it was the right time. However, there was this one guy who was shipping me and my other friend so I straight up told him that I don’t like girls and now there’s drama between two of my friends because of it

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

I mean kinda???? I don’t know if any of my siblings are queer but none of the give off the energy that they are

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender:

Bleak

9. When did you realize you weren't cishet?

Sometime during middle school when I learned about asexuality through a fanfic but I remember being attracted to men in elementary school but I was still convinced that I was straight

10. Something that gives you gender euphoria (whether you're cis or trans):

I haven’t discovered anything that gave me gender euphoria because most things are “meh” or “DEFINITELY NOT” so yeah

11. Favorite (or just one you love) piece of LGBT media?

Probably The Owl House but it’s over :(

12. Name some queer artists/bands or songs you like most:

I listen to a mix variety of artists but I don’t know if any of them are queer and I’m not gonna look it up because there’s A LOT

13. Do you choose to reclaim slurs, why or why not? I

Personally myself I don’t say them and when other queer people say it I just get a bit shocked and then move on with my day

14. How do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity?

Hell if I know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

15. How has your identity changed over time?

I’m gonna say a shortened version of it because I can’t remember it all straight -> gay -> bi -> gay -> gay and asexual -> bi and asexual -> gay and asexual -> polyromantjc and asexual -> + a whole lot of acespec identities

16. Do you attend Pride in person every year?

I’ve never went to a Pride Parade before

17. Have you ever attended Pride in a big city/ large metro area?

Same as above

18. How old were you when you got to attend your first Pride? Who did you go with?

Same as above

19. Do you feel safe and accepted in your local community?

The only local community I’ve been in is my school’s GSA club and I think it’s pretty cool

20. Do you feel like you "fit in" with the queer/Pride community overall?

I’m not really sure what this is asking me

21. What message would you give to your younger self?

Stop being convinced you’re straight, you literally liked men and knew that but still denied that you’re queer

22. How do you usually celebrate Pride month?

For the first couple of days I’m usually like “yippie!!!! :D” but then after it’s just same as usual

23. Do you prefer loud parties or quiet?

I don’t go to parties but I think I would like a mixture of the two

24. Do you practice any religion, if so how does it play into your LGBT identity? Do you feel welcomed by your spiritual community?

I currently do not practice any religion

25. What queer discourse frustrates you the most?

All of them

26. How do you feel about the term partner rather than husband/girlfriend/etc?

I like it :D

27. What gender-neutral terms for yourself or others do you use (i.e. joyfriend)?

Not really a whole lot

28. Do you experience both romantic and sexual attraction? Do you experience them the same across any gender(s) you are attracted to?

I only experience romantic attraction to men

29. Are you currently partnered, or if not are you interested in having partner(s)?

I’m currently not, I’m fine not having one but I would like to have one in the future

30. Are you monogamous or polyamorous?

Monogamous

31. Post a pic in your pride gear (or it can just be a selfie or anything else Igbt):

I’m not comfortable posting myself on the internet, but these are all the Pride stuff I have. I got the flag and the progress flag pin from GSA club which is pretty cool

32. Do you do arts and crafts? Post a pic of a project you've done:

I don’t really do arts and crafts that often

33. What about your LGBT identity do you feel proud of/ want to recognize/celebrate?

I probably recognize my asexuality the most

34. What are you needing most right now (what would make your life easier or more fulfilling in regards to existing as queer)?

Probably having rights

35. Anything else you want to ask during Pride:

None, but if you made it this far, thank you for getting to know a bit about me!

[feuqueerfire]

23.5 Degrees Ep 1 - 8 Live Blogging

I've been wanting a MilkLove series since I watched Bad Buddy in early 2022 and now I finally get to watch it! I'm excited, I've liked the gifs and clips I've seen on social media. It's a regular high school drama but I can enjoy those when done well, so I'm hoping it's charming.

I wanted to watch more of this show while it was on air but it was exam season, so I avoided watching anything that was airing, but now I'll watch up to the first 8 episodes and watch the last few eps (9-12) as they air.

Ep 1 (Apr 27)

1-1

It makes me so giddy already hehe

So what is the family dynamic? Is Alpha the older sister, Ongsa's the younger one, it's their parents, and Aylin is the cousin who's living with them?

Also, I wonder if Love rode that motorcycle? it was going through narrow spaces and such

1-2

so ridiculous lol Ongsa fainted looking at Sun's face

Aw, poor loser Ongsa

leave her alone or I'll start killing you creeps

Euro's character + Sun to the rescue

omg in the comments, people were talking about how they can't believe they're at the age when the main characters are their age... meanwhile, I was like oh? 10th grade? so young! T.T I'm at the age when I'm the same age as the older BL characters because they're mostly still in uni or uni age lol

1-3

I believe Sun's family are gonna be cute and nice

smiley moon :)

oh the shadow on Ongsa's IG makes it seems like she's a guy

pls Ongsa spiraling after sending "Goodnight" which reads as flirty is hilarious

not a fan of the yelling necessarily

1-4

Aylin giving advice

loll Alpha and her friends fucking up the bullies. I saw a tiktok of this

Earth that revolves around the sun

oh noo, not shy guy Earth

I knew a lot about this episode already, so nothing was really surprising but it's cute so far! Lots and lots of space motifs

Ep 2: Universe Club (Apr 28)

2-1

I'm so confused about when people came to Bangkok, like I thought they moved here just a month ago? How is Alpha already the school president and famous in the school and stuff?

Aw, Earth isn't answering Sun's messages?

loll Earth's cuteness aggression

oh, yknow I thought they might mention period cramps or smth to cover up Earth's screaming in the bathroom in ep 1 but they didn't, so I thought maybe the show isn't gonna mention periods but indeed Aylin came to get a pad from Ongsa

2-2

yaas lesbian teachers

it's kinda funny that I've never been spoiled about this Astronomy Club curse, does it play a part in the show after this ep?

Aylin and Luna are so cute, my ViewJune !

pls not Sun talking to Ongsa about Earth

Ongsa digging herself into a deeper hole

purposefully throwing away phone into the trash is wild lmfao

2-3

bird poo T.T

ahhh "exploring space by yourself can be lonely. Want to explore it with me?" romance

pls "I'm talk to Earth" all her friends: "huh? a guy?!" lesbian Sun hehe

2-4

pls Earth having no access to a good electronic device, Sun thinking Earth went MIA and dumped her, Teacher Bambam falling down the stairs and ending up at the hospital, supposed curse strong af

more trans lesbian teachers but one of them is crazy about Astronomy Club and would withstand bodily harm to get it running lmfao i love them

2-4

yaas phone acquired

lol so cute Sun holding a grudge

loll wiggling enough to fall off the bed, reminds me of Pat in Ep 7 Bad Buddy squeezing nong nao doll to death + Tinn wiggling on his bed a few times in My School President

Aw, Chaeron and Tinh going out of their way to buy a protective amulet for Ongsa

ah, P'Ton Ongsa's ex-bf. I knew this already but if I didn't, I too would've been shocked

Also I've learned hapless means unfortunate/having no luck. I knew the word before but didn't quite know that that's what it meant

Ep 3: UFO (Apr 29)

3-1

they dated only for 3 days, i'm crying

oh lmfao that's too long apparently + he got broken up with

okay, so last year Alpha was still at this house and school? While Ongsa came for Songkran and then went back to Phuket

everybody in this fucking school is obsessed with recording everything

girl became the treasurer for gay reasons and now has to get money from ppl

these ppl gotta leave Onsga aloneeee, she doesn't even like Ton pls

3-2

I hope Mawin/Tinh happens

Alpha is younger than Ton?

oh this is the event where lots of them are at school at night and there's an Onsga-Sun hug

oww Aylin wants to meet her alien friends so bad T.T "Someone like you with many friends wouldn't understand"

pls this basketball

3-3

not Tinh broadcasting him breaking into the school like girl

please 2 instances of falling over each other onto the ground lmao

not Ton's fandom lightstick, plssss

everybody running in different directions in the school reminds me of Alice In Borderland kinda when they played Tag in that apartment but the situations are so different lol

hug

my poor Aylin who didn't meet her friend

Alien-Moon friendship

gonna take a brief break from 23.5 to watch the Alice In Borderland S2 game in ep 3/4 Jack of Hearts, guess the symbol on your collar.

mini-break to blog about AoB oops but I forgot who the jack is, I keep thinking it's the blue shirt guy but that's too obvious and the emo guy is also obvious, but it feels like it's one of them?

Ah, indeed it is one of those two and I guess it's the emo guy since they're pushing the blue shirt guy to be a more obvious Jack?

so funny when his partner kills himself and he's like whelp, I've lost my partner. Seems like I'm screwed.

oh yeah, I remember what happened now. kinda corny but sure, fun enough

back to 23.5 oops

3-4

lol Alpha giving out punishments but also doing Mawin a little favour by making Tinh his assistant

oof, losing the basketball game as expected

ah, Charoen now knows Onsga likes Sun

Ep 4: (Apr 29/30)

4-1

Charoen Immediately calls Tinh to tell him Ongsa likes Sun lmfao

4-2

ahh Sun's heart beating fast when hugging and thinking of hugging Ongsa heh

Luna (June) and her bambi pretty eyes are sooo cute

4-3

Aylin excitedly following after Ongsa when friends knock on the door aww

Sun also makes an appearance and Onsga’s brain breaks

4-4

yaas fortune tellers

I loveee how cute the "I'm going to buy water" "i'm coming with you" "annoying human Phi" "i'm coming na~" Aylin-Luna part is, I had a tiktok I liked with it

Ongsa having a sudden strike of bravery as she tells Sun's fortune omg?

"To my Sun, from your Earth" omg ?!

I hope Ongsa actually confesses and doesn't just say that she knows Earth who told her to do this or something

I think I wish that love was juuuust a teeny bit better of an actor? Make her lines seem slightly more natural cuz most people are doing well and she's doing well too but it sometimes feels like she's acting rather than being the character Sun. But it might also have to do with her character and the script giving her lines that make it feel like her sentences aren't genuine.

The show reminds me of My School President, which makes sense since they're high school shows, and this one reminds me of that one ep when they had to do the club fair and set up that "cafe" thing.

Started doing 1.25x from part 4-4, oops.

Ep 5: The Gift (Apr 30)

5-1

oof, yeah, I started watching this ep Immediately after ep 4 but indeed she says the delivery guy just left it with her rip. okay I'll do my episode stuff like reblogging gifs before I watch ep 5

aww poor Onsga ot being able to talk to Sun as her real self

5-2

Luna defending Aylin from some bullies

why are Luna and Aylin so cuteeeee

5-3

man, Sun was clearly giving you an out, why say "see you" instead of "sorry" smhh

This is so frustrating because Sun literally gave Ongsa an out but Ongsa said she'd be there (as Earth) without any plans of how to make that happen and now Sun's sad on her birthday :(

5-4

aw man Sun :(

It's just frustrating that Ongsa as Earth keeps giving Sun hope because Sun will be heartbroken one way or another because Earth straight up doesn’t exist aghhh

“It’s tough human but you must keep going.”

idk if it’s because the show is picking up or because i’m watching on 1.25x speed but it has definitely become more watchable and it doesn’t take me a whole day to get through one ep lol

Ep 6: The Apocolypse (Apr 30)

i haven't watched the previews but according to someone's post and BE podcast vibes, it seems like Ongsa's gonna get found out by Sun?

6-1

idk I'm on Dear's side like Earth is hiding something for sure (in that... he doesn't exist)

ah, I hope Mawin and Tinh comes to fruition fr

Luna's face so funny as Aylin's telling her the whole story

6-2

Luna (and Aylin) instigating lmfao I know they're tired

we know Earth is just Ongsa and she doesn't have malicious intentions but Sun, girl, you're getting catfished and your trust in Earth is misplaced, it's probably good that you have friends and seniors looking out for you lol

Luna and Aylin, I fawking love you

hold onnnn what is this mood, like I've been annoyed at the Earth secret just dragging on but ahh now Sun kabadoning Ongsa and being like "you want me to get mad?" is so fun

almost telling Sun so many times but alas

ahhh it's been like Ongsa turn off your notifs/your phone or you're gonna get caught by Sun texting you for a few episodes now and finally indeed it's the reason.

I hope Sun gets to be mad and sad and frustrated and is allowed to lash out because this sucks, and I want her to be able to show emotions other than niceness and kindness (+ some sadness at Earth not showing up to her party). let's give her some Depth but also idk... feels like I haven't seen many Angsty eps or moments around social media for this show

6-3

aw man

Sun really gave Ongsa so much opportunity to explain but like.. what even is there to explain, I guess

I think I need to gain more empathy fr because how are you as a 16 year old just... leaving without informing anybody and not picking up anybody's calls just to wallow? Tell your friends/family that you're just gonna hang out outside or pick up their calls to let them know that you're not dead even when you're going through something. This irritated me recently in I Fly Towards You the drama with the ML's younger brother as well.

I don't want Sun to get cool and be chill too fast !! Feel more angry and upset and betrayed!

"It's good that Ongsa is Earth" nooooo, not yet !

6-4

Aylin worries so much for Ongsa in this state ahh

ooof, I don't want Sun to be the one who acts normal and rational and kind and reaches out first and is understanding with little to no effort from Ongsa's end beyond wallowing in her self-pity

Sun literally having to beg and run after Ongsa to get her to talk to her, don't piss me offffff

I don't remember when this happened in the show but the people on BE Podcast were saying that Ongsa sent a photo of something from her room (her ceiling with lights?) to Sun and that's how she was gonna get caught. Anyway, the phone notifications were another massive way to get caught and seems that was the way they went.

I can't believe it took 20 minutes of show (no joke, like 10 mins of part 3 and 10 mins of part 4) before they made up and are now getting to know each other again agh. And we see so much of Ongsa's devastation but barely anything from Sun and she's the one who has to chase after Ongsa smhh It's as if Sun isn't a real character for real, she has no emotions or agency or function beyond being somebody pretty and nice who Ongsa likes.

I do get her fear and anxiety that she's a girl and Sun's a girl and she doesn't know how they could ever work it out but I think I'd be more receptive to her feelings in this scenario if Ongsa didn't hurt Sun repeatedly and then Sun have to take the initiative to patch it up.

Ep 7: The Overhead Sun (Apr 30)

7-1

lol awkward Ongsa and Sun

heh the phone screen scene

Ongsa and Sun flirting across the classroom while Chaeron and Tinh are arguing about who's a demon

plss talking about taking it slow but now Sun wants to stay over for the night and wear Ongsa's clothes while hers are in the wash

not Sun running away when asked about whether they're girlfriends lmfao

7-2

Luna and Alpha together really are just so older girls and friends lol

Ton is just so over-the-top, I'm dead. Also, I knowwww that guys will use -kha when speaking with girls sometimes to like either flirt or to idk seem social or whatever but in my head, it's usually just like oh he's a girl <3 except this time i'm like yes... Ton is indeed using -kha to batter up the girls... esp the way the translation is using honey/sweetheart/etc to indicate what his use of -kha means

heh they've successfully made Sun jealous

also, I didn't realize this stuff was in ep 7, idk why I thought it was ep 8

getting a makeup ad but it's a cute scene

7-3

pls awkward ending to the almost kiss lol

and it ending with Ongsa escaping to go home

Ton gtfooo and cant even publicly admit whether he's hitting on Ongsa smhh he's fr laying it on thick this ep

lolll the iconic scene I've seen on twitter/tiktok where Ongsa's like yeah Sun's acting weird today ig she doesn't like my makeup

"I like this team" "Me too" Aylin-Luna are gonna be the fucking death of me

7-4

loll lesbian Phi announcing she's single as PR

the friend group is sooo good at poking Ongsa and Sun lol all working together to make Sun as jealous as possible

loll possessiveness

so public

heh so Ton was indeed in on it

this was a pretty cute and happy episode, wonder what the next 5 eps will be? since the Earth this is over with and they're now also girlfriends.

It's also an endearing episode and we get to see angry/jealous Sun and I wish... these emotions were present last week so that she could properly be angry at Ongsa. whelp

Ep 8: The Starry Night (May 1)

8-1

ah, so this ep is gonna be about how to behave in a relationship and maybe working on Ongsa's self-esteem

Merit Tiffin Box just reminded me that we also used to call lunch at school "tiffin" I wonder what it means?

"Tiffin is a South Asian English word for a type of meal. It refers to a light breakfast or a light tea-time meal at about 3 p.m., consisting of typical tea-time foods. In certain parts of India, it can also refer to the midday luncheon or, in some regions of the Indian subcontinent, a between-meal snack." ohhh interesting, it was usually lunch for school but it wasn't as heavy as like actual lunch that I used to eat after going home lol

I too wonder about the appeals of kissing tbh

8-2

hehe Nida and Bambam

make a move? idk what that entails but it makes sense that Sun would want it since she was the one who chased Ongsa after finding out she was Earth + asked her to be her gf last ep as well

pls let Sun watch her action movie in peace, Enough Pausing

lol Sun's gotta be doing this on purpose aw is she nervous about kissing

hehe Sun in the bathroom

8-3

hehe now Aylin has taken to throwing paper balls at Luna

meteor shower Aylin-Luna date let's gooo

I already know Mawin's gonna be rejected cuz of a post on Twitter aughh i don't wanna watch :(

pls them looking through the little windows on the door is so funny

Ton smh making up pitiful scenarios about Chaeron in this head

8-4

watching the meteor shower in pairs you say?

Nida trying her best while Bambam's casual and oblivious plss

omg Aylin already with the I Love U in morse code ahh very fast

cheek kiss hehe

pls not Chaeron swearing at Ton

Ton, let go of her arm!!

we're not gonna get Mawin and Ton right, i'm not into them

joy and happiness that MilkLove have a pretty good kiss cuz people (including me) were afraid that it'd be awkward/dead fish

Thoughts so far:

I caught up!

The show is cute but I don't know if I did a good thing by deciding to start it when there are still 4 eps left. It's a cute high school show, which might be a better binge than watching 45-55 mins a week because it may not keep my interest. I don't know, we'll see.

I find Ongsa-Sun to be cute but I don't feel like I have an emotional connection to them.

On the other hand, I'm quite invested in Aylin-Luna and love Aylin! It's especially fun because I became Obsessed with ViewJune after seeing a few edits from 10YT of them being enemies and then friends? I was shipping them and retweeting their edits and stuff and then !! the ship actually materialized in this show, that's wild (first spotted in Dangerous Romance but idk if they even really happened there lol), especially because they weren't supposed to be in this at all (instead GeminiFourth were gonna be the side ship). I guess many people other than me were also into their chemistry in 10YT. Like I didn't even watch the show, didn't know anything about them but still was hooked on twitter and tiktok edits.

We still have a third of the show left, I wonder what it'll be about. I think I saw something about a scholarship mentioned? Going abroad?

[couldyouspeakmyname]

Heyo! Love your work!

Do you think you could write the main casts’ reaction to the reader coming out as a trans man? Like Legoshi, bill, louis, some shishigumi bois and maybe some side characters like gosha, yafya and gouhin?

Thanks <3

This...is a big ask. Excuse me while I roll up my sleeves!

-Maeve

Legoshi

He's actually pretty underinformed about this. He is fully supportive, but he's never met anyone (that he knows of) like this. He's going to do his research though, so he can be as supportive as possible!

Probably one of the few times he speaks up is if someone gets your pronouns/chosen name wrong. "Actually, they go by y/n"

If you need someone to go shopping with, Legoshi doesn't mind going with you. His fashion sense is lacking, but he tries his best

He'll learn to help you with injections if you need him to

Louis

Doesn’t change the way he treats you. You’re still the same to him no matter what

He doesn’t often use pronouns when he talks anyway, so it’s nto hard for him to switch over

“Give me that! You’re doing it wrong” Probably insists on doing any injections himself. 

Buys you comfortable and safe binders, until your surgery. He may even pay for it, if you two are close. 

Bill

Has NO CLUE what you mean

Since you two are friends he’s going to try to be supportive...but he’s going to screw up more than once. He’s just really uninformed, and it’s very likely you’re the first trans!person he’s ever met (that he knows of)

He actually turns to Dom for help, and he ends up having to read/watch a lot of stuff before understanding

If you wanna use the guys locker room, you can. Bill wont tolerate anyone giving you a hard time. it’s very likely that the rest of the Drama Club kind of pulls you in. They’re going to be a big support. 

Juno

Is a bit confused at first. She’s never met someone trans before, and isn’t sure she understands

It takes a while for her to kind of understand it, but once she does, she’s supportive

Asks a lot of questions that may get a little invasive, so it’s not a bad idea to give her some good websites so she can google her own answers

Haru

It takes her all of five seconds to understand and come to terms with it

She may even be that friend that knew before you did

Doesn’t miss a beat and uses your new pronouns/name without any issue

If you ever feel uncomfortable, you’ll always have someone to lean on with Haru around. She’ll be there for you, even when you feel like no one else is

Probably does research so she can be more familiar with technical terms and such

Gosha

Doesn’t question you for a second. Despite his age, he’s very accepting

May slip up on your pronouns but OH BOY does he apologize 

Helps buy you stuff if you’re self conscious 

He does a lot of research and uses his social connection to find you a reputable doctor

You know Gosha will throw hands if someone gives you a hard time

Yafya

Doesn’t get it, but honestly? He’s so deep in the closet he doesn’t even know where the door is

While he doesn’t understand, if you two are close, he’s going to put his own feelings aside and make sure you’re safe with whatever you’re doing. Doctors, binders will be found and paid for. 

Yafya slips up on your pronouns, but excuses himself and corrects himself quickly.

Probably does a lot of research later one and becomes more accepting with time. Helping you may actually help him come to terms with himself

Gouhin

Immediately gives you any resources you may need. 

If you need hormone injections he shows you how to do them properly. If you’re afraid to do them yourself, he does them (complains, but doesn’t mind that much)

He will recommend a psychologist, not because you’re trans, but because you may someone to talk to about how transiting is affecting you. Sometimes, it’s just nice to have someone to vent to that’s a neutral party.

Takes zero seconds to call you by your new pronouns or name 

Lets you use his old clothing until you’re comfortable getting your own. Also gives you recommendations on shops that are safe and judgement free

A new name? Fine. Two seconds and he has it down. 

Mother hens you about taking your meds and making sure your doses are within reasonable limits. Probably becomes a thorn in your doctors side. 

Ibuki

A little confused, but doesn’t question it

He’s actually really excited for you to be more you. He likes you, so more of who you really are is just better?

Will help you with your injections if you’re nervous. He’ll also go to the doctor’s with you. 

Probably buys you your first tailored suit. 

Ibuki can be intimidating, so no one hassles you. 

Free

Trans friend Trans friend

Free is THRILLED! He immediately asks if you want a tattoo to celebrate your transition (he’s already got a few ideas)

Free gives you tips and tricks that he’s learned from his transition, and if /when you get top surgery, he will baby you. It’ll be one of the few times you’ll see him serious.

Probably has his doctor on speed dial, and helps you meet him and make an appointment

Will FIGHT ANYONE who gives you a hard time. I mean it. He can and will throw hands. 

Dolph

You may have to explain it to Dolph. 

“You’re going to change genders? Alright, what do you want me to do?”

He is very supportive, and helps you with anything you need (though he doesn’t understand a LOT of the terminology, he does his best)

Probably gets you a really nice watch as a gift. 

Will be your shoulder to lean on if you need someone after a bad day (he will secretly beat the shit out of any transphobes you may deal with)

Helps with injections if you need him, and will help pay if you need him to

Invites you to every boys night out

Agata

Immediately supportive

Agata uses your pronouns and new name (if you have one) immediately 

Body dysphoria? Agata is there by your side to support you. He’s got beer and games

Helps you find binders that suit you, and are safe and comfortable

If you need someone to help do a legal name change, Agata is THERE

Dope

If you think for even one second that Dope wont be doing research the moment you walk away, you are WRONG

Dope is going to use his resources to help you in whatever way he can

Probably finds you the best doctor for your care, and finds safe shops, food places, and other places for you to go

Always available on the phone if you need someone to talk to (even if it is 3 am)

Sabu

“I know.”

Sabu is that friend that knew before you did. That, or he knew before you told him. Honestly? The moment you talked to him, he knew. It’s a feline thing

Has resources put together for you in a notebook, and just hands it to you

He’s very supportive, but not very vocal. Texts you to take your meds/do you injections 

Corrects anyone who misgenders you immediately. If they try to throw a fit? Try him. He’s not afraid to put someone in their place

Hino

“Oh...do you want to go shopping?”

Your his excuse you do a shopping spree. He finds clothing that suits you and fits your body. if it doesn’t? He knows a good tailor. 

He doesn’t know a lot about doctors, but he asks the others for help and soon you have the whole gang supporting you. 

Hino uses your pronouns, and new name if you have one

You can just talk for hours about everything and he just listens 

Miguel

This isn’t getting you out of working out. It WILL mean he changes your work outs to something that can help emphasize any muscles you’d like

Makes your food according to any nutritional recommendations you get

Probably is the one who goes to the doctor with you, and who helps with any injections or encouragements

Very good at complimenting you and building your confidence

Uses your pronouns without issue

Finds gyms that are safe for you to go into the correct locker room for you, or if you want to work out at home BOOM! New weight set. 

Jinma

Doesn’t hesitate to use your pronouns and name

Looks up doctors and resources, types them up, and give you a binder with color coordinated references depending on what you’d be looking for

Takes meticulous notes on everything, and when you go to the doctor? He writes down the exchange. 

Jinma helps you in whatever way he can. You have no better resource that your doctors and Jinma

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[blocksandbloops]

May I interest you in some fem!hermit!Tommy fluff for you in this trying time?

This is set in an alternative version of @redorich 's hermit!Tommy AU. Diverging from the Dream SMP's raid on Hermitcraft. All you need to know is that family trees are convoluted, Tommy's name is Clementine. She's trans, we love her, she has wings and has adopted Grian as her weird almost twin brother.

After the whole "Dreamon" and "invasion" mess the Dream SMP folk didn't expect to hear much from the hermits besides the ones who attended MCC. They thought that the two servers would just continue to exist, independent of one another. Just drifting through the void mere inches apart but never really touching.

Oh how wrong they were.

The hermits were friendly but they had absolutely underestimated just how friendly.

Apparently, the moment Clementine so much as breathed a word about how much she missed her biological family, Scar -ever the kind and helpful mayor that he was- decided to throw a beach party!

Since Clemmy's extended family was pretty large and they didn't want anyone to feel left out, it was an open invitation to everyone on the Dream SMP as long as they behaved.

That point was driven home when a few people, like Antfrost and his unhealed, dog bitten asscheek, mentioned how upsetting the Hermits was definitely not a good idea.

(Deep down they knew that the reason they were really doing this was because the hermits were worried about them. The Dream SMP was just a bunch of traumatized children according to them. They weren't wrong in that assumption but no one wanted to admit that.)

So, when the day of the beach party finally dawned, they all put on their least threatening outfits and packed up their supplies, (where Tubbo got the surf board nobody wanted to question) and entered the portal just like they had done a few months prior.

A few things were different though, the sun was bright and beaming in the sky, soft puffy white clouds rolled by, only promising gentle shade instead of the dreary air of yesteryear.

The shopping district had been rebuilt from it's smoky ruins and they finally all had time to appreciate the lovingly built shops and roads. It looked so beautiful and vibrant, you could practically feel the fact that summer was in full swing.

The smell of nectar and sea salt drifted through the air, sweetening even the sourest of moods. This is what peace was to the hermits. This was their everyday. They were so lucky and they didn't even realize it.

Some people were taking notes of all the different building styles with bright eyes, hoping to replicate some of it when they got home, others were suddenly hit with a feeling of bitter inadequacy of it compared to their homes. Is this what a world without war could look like?

But, no matter the gloomy musings of the few, they were all here to let go for a day! To celebrate the good times and to kick back for seemingly the first time in forever.

Their welcome party this time simply consisted of one person.

It was a strange sight, seeing the Hermits' admin Xisuma without a mask on, wearing a god awful hawaiian shirt that Keralis had thrown at him with glee the moment he mentioned that he didn't have something to wear, and again, were those, gods forbid crocks?

"'Ello everyone! Wow this is quite the turn up. Scar wished he could be here to greet you all personally, but he's still too busy helping the others preparing for the barbecue, so you're stuck with me for the time being.

Now, if you'll kindly follow me, we set everything up pretty close to here, so we'll be there in a minute."

The walk over to the beach was short, but just as scenic as the rest of the server.

Warm, golden sand, gently lapping waves and lush plant life. The sound of the hermits' laughter and soft music filled the air as the smell of the previously mentioned barbecue proved a welcome distraction from whatever the hell was happening on the far right side of the beach (the ZIT trio built a karaoke machine. It was Zedaph's idea. It was also a horrible idea but they didn't seem to realize that yet.)

As they began to debate a plan of attack, no wait. ... fun? enjoyment? eh whatever.

A tall man jogged up to the group. Some people recognized him as Mumbo Jumbo, that one british guy with the mustache. Others, however, as that semi-scary redstone wizard who managed to create extremely powerful potion launchers during the invasion.

He was dressed just as down to earth as the others, holding a tall glass of lemonade in his hand and wearing a (quite goofy) sunhat he borrowed from Ren.

He was explaining something to X in hushed tones (something or other about a minor fire at the barbecue table?) When he looked past the gathering of guests and out towards the path that they had come from, and screeched.

"GRIAN PLEASE I'M HOLDING LEMONADE DON'T!" X reached over and grabbed the glass from his hands just in time for a cackling, feathered ball of something to crash into Mumbo, knocking him into the water with an audible "oof".

There was wild thrashing as the two tried to orient themselves, Grian somehow climbing onto Mumbo's back.

"CLEMMY! COME HELP ME DROWN MUMBO!" Grian waved towards a cluster of trees to their left, underneath which a small gathering of hermits was enjoying a bit of a reprieve from the sun.

"NOT YOU TOO!" came the mustachioed man's scream of distress.

Clementine, the whole terrifying six feet and three inches of a woman that she was, took off running to the water at full tilt towards the struggling brits.

Mumbo, having already formed a strategy in his head, did a perfect T-pose and feel backwards into the water, bringing down a screaming Grian with him. Clementine did a graceful swan dive into the water (how she executed that shall be left for viewer interpretation) and happily joined the fray, even the distressed calls of Stress behind her because "Gods damn it Clemmy! I spent an hour on your hair! And now it's ruined!" couldn't persuade her to give up on her mission to cause as much friendly chaos as possible.

She climbed out of the water a few minutes later, her hair a mess and a bright smile on her face.

"Techie! Wilby! Tubbo! Thank you guys so much for coming! I'm really glad that you could make it." She hugged them each close, enjoying the comfort of having them all together again.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Techno relaxed his posture, trying not to fidget too much. He was getting better with crowds but it was still a lot.

"You may think he's joking but he literally dragged Quackity all the way to the portal because he was too busy doing his eyeliner and would've made us late." Wilbur snickered when she leaned in to hug him, earnings him one of her patented ear-splitting laughs.

"I got a recording of it!" Tubbo proudly announced, pulling out his video camera

while still holding an arm around her.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT! LET ME HAVE SOME DIGNITY MAN!" The aforementioned Mr. Fattest Ass in the cabinet screamed indignantly as soon as he got within hearing range.

"Quackity you never had any dignity. It's too late for that." Techno flicked the duck shapeshifter on the head, earning him even more annoyed rambling which he just chose to ignore.

"Well, I'm glad that that's settled, now, I have some people I'd like for you to meet."

She directed them towards the group sitting in the shade, which consisted of False, (a now soaking wet) Grian, Stess, Mumbo (who also looked like a disgruntled cat that was just given a bath), Iskall and Ren.

Meanwhile Doc and Cleo had a little cornered off area they'd nicknamed the "cool kids club" (it was because around this time the sun got strong enough to actually burn her and Doc just felt slightly iffy about the water, since he was, ya know, half robot.)

Clemmy threw herself down on a blanket in front of a grumbling Stress who set about actually making her hair look presentable.

Niki sat down next to them and began discussing the merits of different styles to put Clemmy's hair into.

Ranboo sheepishly sat down next to Cleo's lawn chair folding all of his gangly limbs under himself.

Wilbur happily plopped himself down next to Ren on a blanket and began to hum along to the other's guitar.

Techno lay dow his cape, deciding that a nap was the best course of action in that moment.

Fundy hesitated for a second before going down to the shore to relax and just put his feet in the water for now.

Philza, the awkward dad that he was, chose to sit down close enough to the girls that he'd be able to hear what they were talking about without intruding.

Tubbo placed his stuff down by Clemmy's feet and ran out to the shore with his surf board in hand.

Going through so many conflicts in such a short amount of time really tires a person out, especially ones as young as the ones from the SMP so getting this afternoon of rest truly helped ease some of the stress given to them by recent events.

(Beach episode pog?)

Of course, this little get together wasn't without it's faults. About two hours in Doc accidentally trampled False's sand castle, who in retaliation teamed up with Cleo to dump water on him while he was relaxing.

This little conflict evolved into a battle to see who could build the biggest and grandest sand castle between "Team Himbo" and "Team Women" (one of those was coined by Clemmy). Puffy and Stress set up a good system of transporting sand from point A to point B, allowing them to move faster. False got placed on detailing duty while Niki brought refreshments for the rest of the team. Alyssa was mostly helping out wherever she could, as Cleo worked her armour stand magic to make their castle feel even more alive.

Clemmy just shouted encouragements and bullied the opposing team.

(The member list of Team Himbo has been redacted to avoid any drama about who might qualify as a himbo in the given circumstances)

Somehow the guys managed to convince Techno to join them, which immediately stacked odds in their favor to which Eret and Iskall, being the non-binary legends they are, decided to side with Team Women, now renamed to "Team Prettier Than You".

Their building contest laated for another hour before X decided to try to stop them (it wasn't because of the time. It was because TFC and Grian started shouting things about structural integrity and adding stone parts to the walls and the contestants actually listened when he decided that it was getting out of hand.)

Then it was time to actually enjoy the barbecue. Techno surprised everyone with how delicious his baked potatoes ended up. Beef also got to flex his skills a little with, as you guessed it, beef.

Tubbo and Tango sadly had to eat further away then everyone because the moment they got within ten feet of the fire something mysteriously combusted.

After that, the ZIT trio busted out the karaoke machine and the night went from good to great.

The old Team Star was dared to sing a rendition of Hermit Gang and everyone younger than 25 felt physical distress during some parts.

The sleepy bois (+Tubbo) sang a cover of "Your new boyfriend" (Techno got surprisingly into it) and then Wilbur swiped Ren's guitar to sing some Taylor Swift songs (accompanied by Tubbo on a synth he seemingly pulled out of nowhere) in that one weird accent he can do which had most people wheezing on the floor from laughter after the first song.

Niki threw down a german cover of Say So by Doja Cat. Grian, Phil and Tommy were unconsciously doing the parrot dancing thing. It was great.

Quackity sang something in spanish and Karl and Sapnap made over exaggerated swooning noises.

Skeppy and Bad did a duet. It was as adorable as it sounds.

Some other people also came on stage, belting out songs in such horridly broken voices that I'll spare you the details. Let's just say, nails scratching chalkboards would sound better.

And that was most of the festivities over with.

The last thing on the agenda? A meteor shower. How did they set it up? Clemmy's weird star child thing. The aforementioned girl was huddled close together with her family as they watched the comets streak across the clear sky (all electronics and artificial lights were shut off for the night) and Melohi played from a jukebox in the corner.

Fundy was laying his head in Dream's lap, the other boy was softly threading his fingers through his almost fiance's orange hair while leaning heavily on George and trying not to let sleep claim him as it had the fox (no one knew how this happened, all they were aware of is that the three had disappeared sometime during the sand castle contest only to reemerge having finally talked things through and come to an agreement that they all seemed happy with).

Ranboo, Niki, Puffy and Eret were collapsed in a happy pile just vibing.

The sleepy bois, who were for once actually sleepy, all wore matching flower crowns braided together by Stress's experienced fingers (and Wilbur's rather clumsy ones). Phil and her had managed to come to an agreement of unofficial joint custody after he witnessed Techno embarrassedly lean down to let her place a crown of golden flowers upon his head and saw his internal beam of pride when she called him "handsome".

The boys never really had a mother he mused, maybe she could teach them kindness where he couldn't.

Another surprise addition to the family was the owner of the third pair of wings in the cuddle pile. Phil didn't expect to end up with any more children at this point in his life, but Grain and Clemmy were practically attached at the hip and it felt wrong to even think about separating them.

He only hoped that those two wouldn't cause too much chaos especially when teamed up with Tubbo.

In the end, everyone drifted off to sleep, one by one they closed their eyes on their most perfect day. Praying for whatever might be out there, that they'll have many more moments just like this.

Well,

almost everyone.

Callahan chuckled as he walked back up to his spot with Alyssa farther away from the others. shutting off his camera after cycling through the pictures he took of everyone looking goofy while sleeping (His favorite is the one where Clemmy was very visibly munching on Techno's hair). He may not use those as blackmail but he sure ass hell was going to tease them about it later. He fell asleep there on that hill, drifting off to comforting rest like the others.

After that? Life moved on.

It was chaotic sure, and not perfect.

But it was theirs. They grew up slowly, learning to be kind to one another, how to grow with one another.

Life wasn't always perfect but hey, they had each other. And in the end? That's all that mattered.

[natsspammityspamspamham]

Why You Should Watch SKET Dance

Why You Should Watch SKET Dance

If I were to tell you what I took away from SKET Dance from old lessons to new, I would say that it said something along the lines of this:

“You are not the mistakes you made in the past. You are not defined the person you were before. If anything, the past is something that you cannot change, but you can surpass those regrets and try to change for the better. Trauma is something that cannot be left behind, but it can get better, especially when you are surrounded by the right people and support. Helping people doesn’t always change the world, but it can change the world of that person and maybe even yours.”

That cheesy quote took a while to write (so did this whole post), but that’s because I wanted to get it right. I wasn’t even sure where to start with this post of sorts.

I will warn ahead of time that if you aren’t familiar with anime, SKET Dance might be an overreach. It does have some references that are niche, and it has a lot of “manzai” (tsukkomi/boke) jokes with tons of mentions. There is fanservice, but no more than you’d see in some of the other series that were released under Shonen Jump. Sometimes the humour and everything can be a little cringy, but I think that’s a given with the fact that you are watching anime.

(This is spoiler-free, gluten-free, no trans fat, and took me too much time.)

Story

I get that it’s like Gintama, but I wouldn’t say it’s a “poor man’s Gintama”. Instead, take it for what it is. It’s like comparing a younger sibling to the older sibling. You’re not letting SketDan shine on its own, and it deserves to.

SketDan has a really simplistic story. It’s about a school club that wants to help people. There is no big war, massive battles, or over-the-top villain that needs to be crushed. I can’t say that it’s episodic, but it definitely leans towards the more “slice-of-life” approach. It has its own arcs that come one after another in good bits and pieces. This series balances itself so well with its drama and comedy. The backstories were done so well, and they didn’t even get to all of them! In fact, one of the best ones was left just in the manga.

The story is made by the characters. It doesn’t rely on the environment or the world around them. Instead, the world to them are the people they are surrounded by. No aliens, samurai, ninjas, or great big event, it’s just them, their high school, and their unconventional club.

Characters

This has got to go down as one of the best ensemble trios in anime. All of them do get their time to develop, and they balance each other out so well. You’d think these characters were friends for their entire lives. I can’t even say who’s the best because I think they’re all the best!

Bossun is a sensitive guy who’s insecure about being the main character of this series (yes, he does mention that). He doesn’t have any spectacular “Shonen Jump” skills. He has no “bankai”, “rasengan”, or “Kamehameha”. He has a hat and goggles. His power is concentration. These are completely valid reasons to be worried about your character status because, on the surface, Bossun sounds downright pathetic (and he knows it). But through the story, you get to see why he’s actually one of the best main characters out there (even if the cast doesn’t want to acknowledge it).

Himeko is one of the coolest characters in this series. I haven’t seen a weapon of that kind… ever. She isn’t afraid to slap the stuff out of anyone and will do anything for a friend. I don’t want to get into her character too much due to spoilers, but it’s revealed early on that she is quite legendary. She’s quite important for the humour of this story. It’s often brought up that she’s the “tsukkomi” (the one who responds to the “boke” stupid).

Last but not least of the great trio, we have Switch. This is probably the character I was most blindsided by. Even though I knew his backstory beforehand (nobody stops me from clicking from “show spoiler” button, it’s quite a problem). He’s the local otaku and database. And he’s probably the most observant. Even though he never “talks”, he’s one of the funniest characters in the series even when he isn’t in the limelight. I legally cannot dig into more about his character due to spoilers. You really need to see it for yourself.

The supporting cast is nothing to put aside either. A lot of them become more and more important as time passes, and the roles they play soon play right into the main plot of the story. We’ve got someone who speaks in “yabasu”, a ghostly occult member, a samurai, a captain, a tsundere, a visual kei star who doesn’t speak in any actual language, a 1.8m tall woman who can literally murder you with a slap, a voice actress idol movie star, and a teacher who makes drugs and bombs. That doesn’t even touch on the student counsel. Anyways, discovering these characters is part of the charm.

Art

There are too many good faces in this anime. While the art isn’t always consistent, it’s never “bad”.

The faces in this anime are on-par with other comedy anime. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

Music

*downloads all the music*

I’m going to pretend like I haven’t listened to some of these on repeat since I finished the anime. Not all anime will literally have a designated band that are made after the characters. That was a really nice touch. There are a ton of special insert songs that go with certain arcs too.

SKET Dance is like any other anime in a way. It benefits from having a good OST. A good OST will add to the story. It will add to the anime, and it will convey all the right feelings. It helps with the comedy, the drama, and the random “what am I watching” moments.

Seiyuu

I wanted to save this category for last. This anime actually changed the way that I look at all the main seiyuu of this anime. It’s not that often that the Vomics (voice acted comics) have the same cast as the anime. They fit their characters so well, and I really can’t express that enough. I associate their voices with their character. It’s like how you can look at a picture of your favourite character and remember exactly what they sound like (or maybe that’s just me).

I haven’t actually heard a lot of lead roles by Hiroyuki Yoshino because he has such a uniquely odd voice. I think the last anime I watched where he actually played the protagonist was Kekkaishi which was quite a while ago. He did well for that role too. Another anime where he played one of the main characters was in Hai to Gensou no Grimgar which didn’t have a very enjoyable cast compared to other anime including SKET Dance (but still worth checking out if you like tamer isekai). I’ve also seen him play a suave character, but I actually skipped most of his lines going, “Not this again.” Present Mic is a character that he seems to be popular for, but those specific niche characters didn’t give him nearly the range that Bossun did. From the moments we were laughing with him and at him to the serious moments that really made me go quiet, it felt like he was truly the character.

Ryouko Shiraishi is such an underrated seiyuu. She admits that she doesn’t have a very cutesy voice, and due to that, the number of female characters she can play goes down, but I wouldn’t dismiss how great she is. For one, she’s really good at the Kansai dialect. Second, she plays a lot of younger male characters. She makes Himeko really cute but also really tough and spunky. She carries a lot of the humour as the reactor “tsukkomi”. And if you’ve watched Demon Slayer, she plays one of the demons and is so good at it. I really like her unique voice because it deviates from the norm just like Himeko’s character.

Gintoki—I mean Tomokazu Sugita is great as Switch, and even though sometimes we forget that he’s a legitimate voice actor who can actually voice act and not just scream on command. Of course, he’s funny. That goes without saying. Almost all of his well-known characters are known for being funny. Even the guy in real life is really funny. I’m not sure how much explanation would be needed for him.

Summary

Overall, I had such a good time with this anime. It made me laugh, feel the feels, and really smile (I mean the type that people really ask you what the heck you’re watching because you’re smiling like you just watched someone you hate fall down the stairs). It reminded me of what I liked from comedy anime, but it also reminded me what I like about anime that take it to basics with just its characters. Actions and battles are good once in a while, but the characters are the heart, soul, and being of this anime. If you’re looking for a good laugh or smile with a ton of gags and jokes with a great ensemble cast, look no further! SKET Dance is here!

I’m going to recommend this anime to anyone who has read this, @azroazizah​, @brettyblease​, @tsukiomoon​, and anyone else who likes those Shonen Jump shenanigans.

P.S. It is totally worth picking up the manga after watching the anime.

[localswordlesbian]

sweet talk

this is my submission for @martimweek for the prompt “club/pub/bar”! I’ve been wanting to write a martim one shot fic for a while and this gave me the inspiration to actually do it

read it on ao3 or below the cut

“I’m sick of this. I’m dropping out.”

“You say that every single time you leave an assignment to the last minute, Tim. You’d think you’d have learned by now.”

Tim glared at Martin from where he was dangling upside down off his bed. “I mean it this time. This paper is due tomorrow and it sounds like hot garbage. I’m probably just better off not handing anything in.”

Martin rolled his eyes, putting his own book in his lap. “You’re so dramatic, I’m surprised you’re not a drama major.”

“Why study for something I’m naturally good at?”

Martin groaned while Tim laughed. “You’re insufferable.”

“And you love it.” Martin grumbled. “Screw this paper.”

“Oh, hand it over, you oaf. You’re not submitting nothing, especially after writing ten bloody pages.”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a saint, Marto?”

“Literally only you.”

“You’re a saint.”

Martin skimmed over the paper, a historical analysis of the Cold War and its more violent clashes. Martin was no history buff, but this paper was far from, as Tim put it, hot garbage . It was actually pretty good.

He told his flatmate as much, but Tim just scoffed. “You’re just being nice.” Despite his dismissive words, a glow of pride lit up his face.

“Just hand it in, you insufferable twat. You already knew that, you just wanted affirmation.”

Tim clicked his tongue. “Is that so wrong?”

“No, not really.”

Tim leaned back against the wall as Martin picked up his book again. “We should go to the pub tonight, you and me. To celebrate.”

Martin laughed. “To celebrate you turning in a paper? We do this every semester, Tim. Multiple times.”

Tim threw an eraser at his head, and Martin squeaked indignantly. “Fine, then you come up with a reason. I want to go to the pub, and I want to go with you.”

Martin looked up at his flatmate, leaning casually against the wall with his laptop perched precariously on one knee. His black hair was sticking upright from the amount of times he’d run his hands through it in the past few hours, and his tanned and chiseled face looked tired. Despite that, his lips were curled upwards in his telltale smirk.

Martin sighed. “Yeah, alright. Wanna invite the others?”

Tim shook his head. “Sasha’s busy, Daisy and Basira scare me, and Melanie has a date with her new girlfriend.” Tim raised his eyebrows. “Unless there’s someone you’d like to bring along?”

Martin’s face instantly heated up. “Uh, nope. Just the two of us is good.”

Tim chuckled. “I’m sure Jon would love to have a night off from studying, head to the pub with some friends –”

“Tim, I swear to god–”

Tim put his hands up in mock defeat, his grin more infuriating than ever. Martin knew perfectly well that his face was an alarming shade of red, bright enough to put firetrucks to shame, and he also knew that this amused his friend greatly. “Alright, just the two of us then.”

Night fell while Martin finished up his reading for his English class – The Yellow Wallpaper, a story about a woman who spent so long trapped in a room that she began hallucinating a woman living in the walls and trying to rescue her. The ending of the story gave Martin chills, and he quickly scribbled some notes into the margins before closing the book and putting it back on his shelf. Stretching his arms over his head, he winced as several of his bones cracked and his muscles strained from being stuck in the same position for hours on end.

Tim wanted to go to the pub in a few minutes, so Martin pulled a white turtleneck jumper from his closet, throwing it over his shirt. When Tim knocked, he didn’t wait for a reply – simply opened the door and stuck his head in.

“Ready?”

“Christ, Tim! Normal people knock! I could have been changing or something.”

“Which you clearly should be. You’re not going in those jeans.”

“My jeans are fine!”

“Nope. I’ll be in the foyer.”

Martin groaned as Tim shut the door, rolling his eyes as he turned back to his closet. He didn’t want to wear his nice trousers to the pub, but his jeans were old and worn and a little bit gross. Making a split second decision, Martin pulled a galaxy-patterned skirt on and grabbed his wallet and phone on the way out the door.

Tim was waiting by the door, one of his signature hawaiian shirts unbuttoned over a plain black tee. Martin’s heart skipped a little – there was a reason Martin had had a sexuality crisis when he’d come to university, and that reason was standing in front of him.

Tim raised his eyebrows approvingly. “Much better.”

“Bossy arse.”

“Come on, you love it,” Tim teased as they headed out of the flat and into the dark London street. “Your type is clearly bossy.”

Martin sputtered. “My type is not –

“Oh, come off it, Martin. Sims?”

“You don’t need to call him by his last name, he’s not a professor.”

“Alright, Jonathan, the librarian’s special little boy.”

“I don’t get why you don’t like them.”

Tim narrowed his eyes. “Do you really think I don’t like them?”

Martin shrugged. “Well, yeah. You’re always so… snide and sarcastic whenever he’s brought up. Like now,” he added pointedly, raising his eyebrows at his friend.

Tim sighed. “Okay, fair. But I like them perfectly fine, I’ll have you know. He seems like a nice guy, if a little, what’s the word? Married to their work.” Tim threw his arm over Martin’s shoulders. “Look, Martin, I wouldn’t say anything if I didn’t know how you get, especially when it comes to people you fancy.”

“How do you mean?” Martin asked slowly.

“You have a tendency to give yourself away, until there’s nothing left of you to love. I don’t want you to pursue this guy and have your heart broken cause he’s got his nose too glued in a book to notice you. Or your tea,” he added lightheartedly.

They reached the pub, and Martin sighed as they walked inside and made a beeline for a booth in the back. “Tim, I’m not dumb.”

“No, you’re crushing on a guy. And those two things are sometimes interchangeable – trust me, I’d know.”

Martin sighed, gathering his skirt into the booth. “Yes, Tim, you’re a dating expert.”

Tim flashed a grin as he ordered a drink for each of them. “I should write a romance advice column in the school paper. ‘Timothy Stoker’s Guide to Love.’”

Martin snorted. “If you want to increase the number of breakups, maybe.”

Tim punched his shoulder, and Martin yelped. “Rude! I give amazing dating advice.”

Their drinks arrived, and the beer mixed with lighthearted banter was giving Martin a happy buzz. He loved all of his friends, of course he did, but there was something different about having a night out just with Tim. They had an easy rhythm, the two of them, bouncing conversations and teasing and laughter back and forth like a beach ball, pausing to sip their drinks and order more, and soon enough Martin was feeling properly tipsy, and a look over at Tim’s flushed face told him he was faring about the same.

After downing his last drink, Tim turned in the booth to face Martin, one leg crossed under his other knee. “Why don’t you just ask out Jon?”

“Because I can’t,” Martin shrugged.

Tim scoffed, his eyes slightly unfocused. “Seriously? Why not? You’re way out of their league, if you don’t mind me saying, and he clearly likes you back. So what’s there to lose?”

Martin sighed. “Come on, Tim. I’d have no idea where or how to even start. Between my mum, and then my transition and anxiety fucking everything up, I never let anyone get too close. It feels too late now.”

Tim rolled his eyes, but they were fond. “Martin, I mean this in the most loving way possible, but you’re a dolt. It’s not too late, you’re only bloody twenty-one! So what if you haven’t had a relationship before? It’s not like he’s got anything to say about you being trans or having anxiety, and if he does I have a crowbar I keep in my closet for that exact situation.”

“Yeah, I know he won’t.”

“So what’s the issue?”

“God, Tim!” Martin threw his hands up in exasperation. He wasn’t annoyed at Tim, and Tim knew that; he was annoyed at himself, and the alcohol made everything just spill out without a second thought. “I’ve never done this before, I don’t know how to ask someone out without making a blubbering fool of myself, it was hard enough even becoming friends with them because, what are coherent sentences, even, when someone you fancy is talking to you? I’ve never even kissed anyone!” His voice quieted at the last sentence.

“Oh, well if that’s all, that’s easily remedied.” At Martin’s confused tilt of the head, Tim leaned in slowly, slowly enough that Martin could have easily pulled away, easily declined.

Perhaps a sober Martin would have hesitated, would have considered the aftermath, had overthought every aspect of what he was about to do obsessively until Tim pulled away, regretting having made the offer.

Instead, he closed the gap, and then Tim’s lips were on his, soft and tasting of beer. His hands were in Tim’s hair, the curls soft and welcoming against his fingers, Tim’s breath hot on Martin’s face as he parted his lips, pulling Martin’s lower lip into his mouth. He gasped, dimly aware that this was a terrible idea, he was kissing his best friend in the back booth of a student pub that stank of beer and sweat, and Tim’s hands were gripping his shoulders and his lips were soft on his. Tim kissed like he was drowning, and Martin’s lips were air.

Tim pulled away first, and Martin slowly opened his eyes, the dim lights in the pub suddenly too bright. Tim’s hair was still bunched in Martin’s hand, and he slowly disentangled his fingers while Tim released his shoulders, never taking his eyes off Martin’s face. His lips were swollen and red, and he was grinning. “That, my friend, is how you kiss. You’re a natural, nothing to worry about.”

Martin exhaled a shaky breath, causing Tim to chuckle. “Nothing to worry about, yeah?”

Tim grinned lopsidedly, pushing a strand of hair behind Martin’s ear. “Nothing at all.”

Martin nodded. “Cool.” That made Tim laugh. “What now?”

Tim tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“Well, we’re best friends, and we just, well, made out in the back of a pub. Isn’t this supposed to make things awkward?”

“Does it need to?”

“Hm. I guess it doesn’t.”

Tim scooted, bumping his hip against Martin’s, and it took Martin a second to realize he was trying to urge him out of the booth. They stood, swaying and leaning against each other for support. They left the pub and emerged into the chilly London night, arms around each other, concentrating on not walking into the street. “I’ll tell you what now.”

“Hm?”

“We’re going to get food on our way home, then we’re going to fight over who gets to use the shower first, and I’m going to win with my devilish charm. Then we’re going to go to bed, and wake up tomorrow with horrible hangovers and more schoolwork. Deal?”

Martin smiled. “Deal.”

[supercalvin]

breaking the rules but 5WR for the prompt thing? i was just thinking they went well together and you’d be able to do something crazy awesome with it :)

5. High School AU + W. Pretend Relationship + R. In Vino Veritas

There are no rules here, friend. You can do whatever you want, and I certainly love this combination of tropes+AU. Have I ever mentioned that High School AUs are a guilty pleasure of mine? Which is probably why this turned out so long. Omg why can’t I write 500 word ficlets anymore???

Prompts  (or any prompt)  + Ficlets

***

Lance had invited Merlin to this party, which was the only reason he was here.  It wasn’t that hed didn’t normally go to parties. He did. It’s just he usually hung around a different crowd. Will’s parties were smaller, usually no more than ten kids sitting around his living room, staying up too late, playing video games, and maybe baking some of Freya’s weed into badly made brownies.

Lance, on the other hand, was the type of person to get along with a lot of different people. So not only was he close friends with Merlin, but he also happened to be friends with people in the drama club, the student council, and the football team. To be fair, it was hard not to like Lance.

So Merlin didn’t usually go to crazy house parties filled with football and rugby players. He was beginning to wish he had made Will come with him, even though he knew Will would just complain the whole time. Merlin was chatting with Elyan, a bloke he knew from maths class, trying his best to not seem out of place. He sipped on his beer, and prayed Lance would come save him at some point.

“Hey, it’s Merlin!”

To say that Merlin was surprised when Arthur Pendragon flung an arm around his shoulder and smiled at him would be an understatement. To say that Merlin was surprised Arthur Pendragon knew his name and apparently was happy to see him, was an astronomical understatement.

“Hey,” Merlin smiled, trying his best to seem nonchalant. Arthur smelled strongly of cologne, and Merlin had to mentally remind his tipsy-brain that saying ‘you smell good’ would be supremely awkward.

“Lance said he invited you,” Arthur said, still smiling at him. “I’m glad you made it.”

Merlin shrugged, “Why not, I guess?”

“Arthur!” Someone from across the kitchen yelled, “Where are the towels?”

Arthur groaned, “Bunch of children. I’ll be back,” Arthur tussled Merlin’s hair, playfully.

“That was weird,” Merlin said.

“Was it?” Elyan asked, “Arthur’s just like that when he gets more than one beer in him.”

“Really? I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation with him. I didn’t know he knew who I was.”

Elyan tilted his head to the side. “Didn’t you have history with us last year? You know, with Mr. Garrah?”

Merlin thought back. Maybe he had. But he hadn’t spent much time with Arthur. To say the least, Arthur Pendragon was the Golden Boy oftheir school. He was certainly one of the most popular kids. He was a star footballer. Alright enough in his classes, from what Merlin could tell. Definitely was fit. God forbid if Merlin forgot how fit Arthur was. Merlin was bisexual and was very aware of the fact that in a few hours it would hit him that ArthurPendragon had just been pressed up against him.

But, Merlin reminded himself, he was the only out-and-proud kid at school. And no matter how much Merlin drooled over him; Arthur Pendragon was in a serious relationship with Gwen Smith. Merlin had known Gwen since his first year in Camelot. They had kissed during a Truth-or-Dare game at Will’s back in Year 9. He hadn’t spent much time with her lately, since their schedules didn’t line up, but he assumed if Gwen liked Arthur, then he must bealright.

The party continued for another hour or so, everyone loosening up as more beer was drunk. Merlin mingled with people he had never talked to before and if he was being honest he was having a great time. Merlin wasn’t drunk, per se, but he certainly wasn’t sober by the time Arthur crossed hispath again.

Merlin was sitting on a couch, and Arthur plopped himself down right next to Merlin.

“Hey, you like Triple Goddess, right?”

“Yeah, how’d you know that?” Merlin asked, not sure how Arthur would know his favorite band.

“You wear their concert shirts a lot.”

Merlin wasn’t sure how often he wore Triple Goddess shirts, but he wondered if it was too much if Arthur noticed them.

“I looked them up after I saw your shirt. They’re really nice to listen to while I study. They’re really low-key,” Arthur said.

“Yeah, I listen to them while I code,” Merlin said, wondering too late if it was too nerdy to mention that he liked to write his own computer programs. He tried to cover it quickly, “I haven’t listened to their new album yet. Haven’t the time.”

“I have it upstairs, if you want. Come on,” Arthur stood up and offered his hand. Merlin took it without much thought.

Upstairs was less crowded. Most of the doors were closed andwhen Arthur pulled out a key to open his bedroom door, Merlin figured that was how Arthur managed to keep things from getting out of hand. It didn’t click that Merlin would be alone with Arthur until the door closed behind him.

Arthur pulled out his laptop and popped open the album. The noise from the party was much more subdued in Arthur’s room, and the low sounds of piano and violin came through clearly. Merlin looked around the room as themusic played, unsurprised to see a football banner along with an action movie poster. The desk was scattered with books and the bed was a rumpled unmade mess. Arthur obviously hadn’t expected anyone here tonight. Merlin wondered if Gwen was at this party. He hadn’t seen her. Probably not, if Arthur was here with Merlin of all people.

“Isn’t the lead singer of Triple Goddess gay?”

Merlin chewed on his nail nervously wondering if this was a trick question. He tried to remember that Gwen was a cool person, and she wouldn’t date a homophobe. Hopefully.

“Yeah, she is…” Merlin said, “And the drummer is trans, actually.”

Arthur hummed. He was leaning against his desk, flipping around one of his books. He looked nervous, which was strange to Merlin.

The song changed and the beat was mellower.

“Is that, uh, why you got into the band?”

Merlin rubbed the back of his neck, “Actually, yeah, that’s how I found out about them. They have a music video with two guys, uh, you know, together.” Merlin shrugged. He hadn’t talked much about his sexuality with anyone besides Will or his mum. He wasn’t sure why Arthur was asking. Maybe he was just trying to make conversation with what little he knew about Merlin.

“Yeah, I saw that one.”

Merlin rocked back on his heels.

“So…” Merlin struggled to think of anything he knew about Arthur. But before Merlin could ask about football, and absolutely stick his foot in his mouth, Arthur beat him to it.

“I’m glad you came. To the party. I told Lance to inviteyou.”

“What? Why?”

“I, uh,” Arthur looked up, like there was going to be an answer on the ceiling. “Shit, Gwen said this was going to be easy.” He set down his book and stepped up close to Merlin. He cleared his throat.  “I think you’re fit. And smart. And I know we don’t really know each other, but I’ve never had a good reason to talk to you before.”

Merlin blinked at him.

He took several seconds to process all that.

“Sorry, what was the first one?”

Arthur smiled, “I think you’re fit.”

“B-but what about Gwen!” Merlin stuttered.

“Oh, right.” Arthur said, as if he had forgotten about his girlfriend. “I’m her beard. Or we are each other’s beards? Doesn’t matter. She’s dating my step-sister Morgana. We told our Dad that she’s dating me, so that when she stays over, she sleeps in Morgana’s room. It’s a nice set up.”

Merlin blinked a couple times.

“Uh. Merlin?”

“I think I’m going to need a moment,” Merlin held up a hand. “You’re gay?”

“Yeah,” Arthur shrugged and gestured to himself, as if that cleared that up.

“Holy shit, thank you Jesus,” Merlin said, before slapping a hand over his mouth.

Arthur laughed hard and Merlin smacked his shoulder when he wouldn’t stop.

“Fuck off, you know you’re fit! Don’t torture me.”

“You think I’m fit?” Arthur asked, seeming to be truly interested in the answer.

“Uh, yeah,” Merlin said, trying to suppress a nervous giggle.

Arthur smiled, and Merlin noticed that his teeth weren’t completely straight. There was something charming about him that had butterflies flutteringin Merlin’s stomach.

“So, uh, I’m not out to my Dad. But uh, would you like to, Idon’t know…We could see a film. Or you could come over and we could play some video games? Or something.”

Merlin smiled, “Yeah, I could do that.” Merlin stepped up closer to Arthur, suddenly feeling very brave. “How do you feel about snogging for a bit before going back down to the party?”

Arthur’s eyes widened, “Really?”

Merlin raised a brow.

“That wasn’t a ‘no.’” Arthur said quickly, “I’m just, uh… I’ve never kissed a boy.”

Merlin smiled, “Want to?”

Arthur nodded, “Yeah,” His eyes trailed down to Merlin’s lips. It didn’t take much movement to tilt his head to the side and pull Arthur into a kiss.

When they made it back down to the party, no one seemed to notice that their lips were red and chapped. Merlin had a bit of a bruise on his neck, but he would just cover it up with a scarf tomorrow.

***

Prompts (or any prompt)  + Ficlets

[stealthtransman97--inactive]

Why Was I Depressed in High School?

I went to treatment for most of Senor year, but I’m struggling to remember why I was depressed in the first place.

Freshman: I remember walking home from school and seeing the planes crawling overhead, too slow to be real. I called my mom to tell her about it and she accused me of being on drugs. I was pretty alright, though. I was on a sports team, even if I didn’t have a lot of friends. A guy on the team followed me around until I agreed to go to a dance with him. Our first kiss was revolting, as were the rest. We dated at school for a few months until I broke it off, and then he stalked me. I remember walking home and not caring if I died.

Sophomore: I cut ties with everyone I knew Freshman year and joined a new sports team and a drama club, and I got into theatre. I made lots of friends, one of which was my drama partner. She was bi, and I’d never heard of that before, but I thought she was beautiful. Eventually I realized I wanted her. That was a good year.

Junior: I was even more involved in theatre and clubs, but I was tired. I was so exhausted that I quit my sports team. I remember my best friend on the team crying when I told her, saying that I had no emotions, like Spock. We didn’t talk for a while. I wasn’t hurting myself at that point, but afterwards I did. After I was prescribed medication to treat the condition causing my constant fatigue, I hurt myself more often. The following summer, my mom’s alcoholism reached its peak, and I took my brother to my dad’s.

Senior: I was feeling very bad. All the time. I started talking to my estranged best friend who called me Spock, and I realized that I wanted her. We danced this weird flirting dance, but I wasn’t strong enough. Not long into senior year I was in treatment for Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and PTSD.

I didn’t know about trans people until after I graduated, so I can’t blame my depression on that. There’s a part of me that wonders if it played a role, but most of my unhappiness came from my emotionally abusive mom and trying to be everything at the same time.

Part of it could have been loneliness, but it’s hard to understand loneliness when you’ve always been alone and misunderstood. At that point, I’d never had real, close friends who understood me. I never took my guard down. Ever. I didn’t know how to “be” with people, so I couldn’t vent all the pain I was feeling. It just built up until I exploded.

I was never really able to properly “be” with people until I was honest with myself, when I looked at all the things I wanted and how I wanted to “be” in the world. Transition wasn’t a magic bullet for me, it was part of a larger process where I decided to do what made me happy.

[blandwhitebread]

Relationship Drama

Harvey, roz and sabrina are having a fight. Robin couldn't care less, but it bring something up between him and Theo.

Robin doesn't really care about Sabrina's love life. Or Harvey's. Or Roz's or anyone's, really - the only love life he cared about was his newly developed one with Theo, and that was it.

But apparently, being on the Fright Club means you don't really get a choice when it comes to not caring about everyone's love life.

For what he had gathered, Sabrina had some kind of returned-from-the-dead feelings for Harvey, who said he didn't have any of those for her - a statement that was taken with a grain of salt by his girlfriend, Roz.

And then everything just started falling apart.

He couldn't even tell who was fighting who, really, or if the three of them were fighting together, but the argument was heated, with screams and swears and everything else.

He was surprised Mr. Kinkle didn't come down to his garage to see what the hell was happening.

While the fight develops, Robin sits at the couch, his right arm tight around his boyfriend's shoulders, who has a blank, bored expression and has already rolled his eyes at least 5 times.

-So… -Robin says, dragging the word awkwardly - this usually happens?

Theo shrugs.

-I don't really care anymore. It's so much drama between those three all the time. And I always get in the middle.

-You...want to get out of here? - he says - we could go to your house, or Dr. Cee's maybe? Have a milkshake or something.

Theo smiles a little.

-What about the golden trio?

-Well, they can sort themselves out.

…

Turns out, Theo didn't care for his friend's love lives as well. But he still had a lot to say about it.

-And Sabrina - he says, completely forgetting the milkshake - look, I'm not saying she isn't a good friend. I'm not saying that about any of them but they all have so much drama going on. Harvey likes Roz and Roz likes him and Sabrina likes Nick, but now, oh, surprise! Maybe Sabrina likes Harvey too! And then I get stuck on the middle of this catfights and, you know, aside from me coming out as trans and the jocks bothering me some months ago, I don't have drama! I never had the chance to sit down with the three of them and talk about this really cute guy that i bumped into on the hallway and invited me to the pep rally, I mean, Harvey told me to ask you out but apart from tha-

-Theo? - Robin takes the chance to interrupt - How about you breathe a little? Drink some milkshake, huh?

He does so.

-I'm sorry. I'm really am. You didn't bring me here to hear me crying about my friends. I love them and they're great, it's just… - he sights - Sometimes it kinda feels like I'm a little bit out of their tune. Sabrina is queen of hell or was, I don't really know. Harvey is a great artist and it's super brave and kind and Roz has her cunning and she's so smart and I just… I'm just here. I'm small, and i can't play basketball that good, and the guy that I date just approached me because he wanted a virgin to sacrifice.

Robin winces. He knows Theo doesn't mean to be mean or hurtful - it's just the truth.

-You know I love you, right? I can't fix how we met but I love you.

-I know, i know… it's just, I'm happy you started liking me and I believe you love me as much as I love you but I just can't stop thinking that you wouldn't have gotten close to me in the first place if it wasn't for my blood being a great Pagan God Fertilizer. I believe you love me, I do, I'm just sad about the reason you were attracted by me.

Robin remembers the day at the hallway. Sure, he knew he had to befriend the Putnam boy -the Pagans had been very adamant about the importance of keeping tabs on him - but as soon as Theo smiled at him and shook his hand… for a second he completely forgot about the mission, everything. For a second, he was just boy meeting another boy on a high school's hallways and the other boy just happened to be really cute and have really freckled skin and since when did he found that so attractive?

He snaps out of the flashbacks.

-Look, I came to you for a reason but I stayed for a completely different one. I was so focused on the pagans and how I needed to please them… Theo, if you weren't this amazing, handsome, kind and smart boy who kissed me on a ferris wheel I probably wouldn't have snapped out of my family's beliefs. If I was put to spy on Harvey or, I don't know, any other teen in town… maybe I would've gotten closer to completing my mission. I never liked what the pagans were doing but I never had any reason to stay behind, anything with meaning to hold me back… you were perfect. And I like Harvey and Sabrina and Roz, they're cool, but a big part of the reason why I'm close to them is because they're matter to you. - now he's the one who need to breathe - And, frankly, I've only known them for like 2 months? And I'm already tired of the love triangle drama, so I'm surprised you didn't get that gun of your and threatened them yet.

Theo chuckles.

-That's my dad's gun, Robin.

-Well, you know I love Mr. Putnam, he is letting me stay at your couch for now, but I'm 100% sure he doesn't look half as hot as you do threatening people with that.

-Robin?

-Huh?

-I love you. I really do. -they both smile -and I'm really glad we're not a drama couple.

-Oh, me too. But if we want we can fake some drama just so you have something to talk about with them. Maybe a jealousy crisis? I could pull off something like that.

-I will consider it.

[hungline]

kiss, kiss, fall in love

pairings: namkook, side taejin and yoonminseok  genre: fluff, angst, smut, uni au, rated e  warnings: trans male character, explicit sexual content, cross-dressing, strap-ons, anal sex, gender dysphoria, jeongguk crying a lot  words: 19278 

summary: Kim Namjoon can admit he’s an idiot. He can also admit that he likes Jeon Jeongguk more than he should. 

Namjoon is currently having difficulty getting air in and out of his lungs at the moment.

His chest aches and his fingers keep fumbling with the ends of his black tie.

Weirdly enough, his nipples are actually chafing against the binder that he wears underneath his royal blue button-up.

There’s a strange feeling building up in the pit of his stomach as he looks up towards the stage where the university’s drama club is holding their annual play and he only has eyes for Jeongguk. Never mind the fact that Namjoon’s best friend, Seokjin, is playing the male lead. All Namjoon can see is the lights reflecting off Jeongguk’s black hair, his slender arms shining in the spotlight, and lightly tanned legs twirling about with the ends of his dark blue skirt fanning around them.

If Namjoon had really been born with a penis, like he’d always wanted, he’s sure he would have popped a semi in his jeans.

No one can really blame Namjoon for how he’s feeling though. Anyone would react the same way if they had seen Jeongguk in a beautiful blue skirtーin a shade that just so happens to match their own shirtーand they were also crushing big time on said sophomore student. So it’s understandable, but Namjoon is still very pleasantly surprised about the way he’s reacting to seeing Jeongguk in a skirt.

He can sit through it though, definitely. It's not hard. Not one bit. This isn't affecting him at all.

He's just peachy.

And then Jeongguk is looking him right in the eye, a nervous glint in his brown sparkly orbs as he delivers his line flawlessly and lets the skirt twirl around him a little bit. Jeongguk looks like he's actually quite enjoying prancing around in that skirt onstage and Namjoon figures that he’s screwed. Either way, he still manages to shoot Jeongguk a supportive smile and a thumbs up before the young actor looks away to continue on with the play.

Namjoon kind of wants to die as his eyes follow Jeongguk's lithe figure around the stage, and when the younger looks in his direction, the feeling only increases by tenfold. And he is so not okay. He didn’t know that Jeongguk was supposed to perform that night. He knew the younger was Soyou’s understudy, but he hadn’t known about the young actress breaking her leg until he’d been standing in the lobby of the auditorium, waiting for the doors to open. Seokjin had run up to him and whispered fervently in his ear about what happened before he ran off to get Jeongguk ready to go on stage. Namjoon hadn’t thought that Jeongguk would embrace the role so diligently either, but the younger had been surprising him since day one

Namjoon figures that he’s really screwed.

The play is over in the blink of an eye and Namjoon doesn't know whether he should get up and go find Jeongguk or Seokjin or maybe the both of them or just remain seated until everyone has filed out of the auditorium so no human being is able to bear witness to Namjoon struggling to find his composure. He's trying his best to not think about the way Jeongguk’s tanned legs look like in a skirt, but when he looks up and all he sees is those said legs, he feels his heart jump into his throat as he makes eye contact with Jeongguk.

“I was wondering where you were,” Jeongguk says shyly, quite literally toeing at the ground with his hands clutched loosely together behind his back.

Namjoon stands up fast enough to feel vertigo and almost stumbles forward, but Jeongguk catches him and sets him back upright. Both men’s hearts are beating a mile a minute in their chests as they stand before the other. Namjoon isn't really sure what he should say to the younger, but he has to say something. Jeongguk is looking at him like the sun shines out of his ass and yeah, okay, so Namjoon knows that Jeongguk likes him, he isn't that dense, but he’s not really sure that Jeongguk would actually enjoy being with him.

A lot of Namjoon’s exes have said he was too standoffish, too intelligent, too well spoken, too independent, and when Namjoon finally made his transition, he suddenly became too weird. But Namjoon, he knows that he's worth more than what other people think or say about him, he knows that. It still doesn't mean that he can say he isn't hurt by the opinions people have about him though.

So Namjoon has trust issues, understandably so, but Jeongguk doesn't seem to quite get that. The younger fawns over him often and sometimes it makes Namjoon uncomfortable. Namjoon may really like Jeongguk, but he isn't ready for what Jeongguk may have in mind and Jeongguk doesn't quite grasp that, so now they play a game of hide and go seek where Namjoon usually hides more often than not.

But Jeongguk is nervous, and not the kind of nervous that he usually is around Namjoon. It's the “I might break down and throw a fit any second” kind of nervous. Namjoon thinks he might know why.

“Youー” Namjoon pauses to clear his throat before he tries to speak again. “You were great out there, Gukk-ah. This skirt really suits you.”

Jeongguk blushes and fuck, Namjoon is screwed with a capital S.

“Taehyung said the same thing. I didn't really think he was telling the truth though,” Jeongguk mumbles, his cheeks a blazing red and Namjoon really wants to kiss him all over his ridiculously adorable face.

“Gukk-ah, would hyung ever lie to you?” Namjoon tilts his head just so and gives Jeongguk the most dashing smile he can muster.

Jeongguk’s face only burns a brighter red and he shakes his head in response. Despite his better judgment, Namjoon can't help but take Jeongguk’s hand as he starts to lead them towards the side stage where he can see the top of Taehyung’s ridiculous high hat that he sported for the later part of the play. Jeongguk goes willingly, not really saying anything, and hand curled tight around Namjoon’s.

It's nice, the comfortable silences they tend to fall into whenever they're together. Namjoon knows that Jeongguk is a sweet kid, mostly inexperienced, incredibly intelligent, and generally quiet, but it's exactly why Namjoon is able to get along with the younger so well. Jeongguk swallows up everything Namjoon tells him without preamble and Namjoon would be worried if he wasn't also constantly forcing himself to not kiss Jeongguk.

Jeongguk in a skirt that contrasts so gorgeously with his legs is really as far as Namjoon’s limits can go. He's faring well though, much better than he thought, and much more better than Taehyung thought if the surprised look on the fashion designer’s face gave Namjoon any kind of hint.

Namjoon thinks Taehyung looks absolutely ridiculous in his steampunk get up, but the amused look on Jeongguk’s face when he sees Taehyung makes up for it.

“You're matching,” is the first thing Taehyung says when Namjoon and Jeongguk finally reach him.

Namjoon already knew this, but he still smiles when Jeongguk makes a small, surprised noise because the sound is unbearably cute. It's cute in a very non-romantic kind of way. Totally.

Taehyung is squinting at him when Namjoon meets his eye. Namjoon audibly gulps and feels his smile start to crumble under pressure.

“I guess we are,” Namjoon manages to say, his hand starting to feel sweaty in Jeongguk’s grasp.

He distantly thinks he should let go of the younger man’s hand. Friends don't hold hands for this long, they really don't. Yoongi had assured him on many occasions that friends don't do that. But Namjoon knows that if he pulls his hand away, then Jeongguk is going to become sulky and pouty and start making grabby hands at him and Namjoon is positively weak for that. So he just squeezes Jeongguk’s hand but doesn't make any move to let go.

Taehyung is still squinting at them and Namjoon feels himself break into a nervous sweat. Namjoon knows that look in Taehyung’s eye. It usually means he’s going to try and play matchmaker and Taehyung hasn’t been wrong about his matches yet. Namjoon is split down the middle with hoping that Taehyung might be wrong just this one time about Jeongguk and him, but then there’s also that other side of him that’s banking on Taehyung’s abilities to see the compatible connections between the people he sets up.

Taehyung looks like he’s going to say something, but Jeongguk is speaking before Taehyung can even let out a breath. “Are you still up for pizza right now, TaeTae-hyung?”

“Yeah,” Taehyung grunts, his eyes swiveling from Namjoon to Jeongguk and back. “Is Namjoon-hyung coming too?”

Namjoon can feel Jeongguk’s gaze on him and the light squeeze of his hand around his makes something spasm in Namjoon’s chest. He allows himself to stare at the younger man and he has to visibly restrain himself from kissing Jeongguk again. Jeongguk is biting on his bottom lip, the hand not intertwined with Namjoon’s fiddling with the pleats of the skirt he’s still wearing and all Namjoon wants to do is kiss him senseless. Kiss him until he’s never nervous again and doesn’t look at Namjoon with that hopeful glint in his eye. Namjoon’s nodding his head before his brain really filters what’s being asked of him, but the delighted smile that lights up Jeongguk’s face is definitely worth it.

“Great!” Taehyung exclaims, throwing an arm over Jeongguk’s shoulders, his trademark rectangular grin spread wide across his face. “Gukkie-ah, you should probably change.”

Jeongguk looks down at the skirt for a short span of time and Namjoon feels the need to say something, but Jeongguk is already smiling back up at the older men before he can.

“I think I’ll just go like this. You guys don’t...mind, right?”

The youngest man’s cheeks are a blazing red and he’s probably drawing blood from gnawing on his bottom lip and Namjoon really just wants to pick him up, kiss him all over, and tell him that of course he doesn’t mind, he would never mind, and Jeongguk is allowed to wear whatever his heart desires. But Namjoon doesn’t do that. Instead, he stares at Jeongguk like a fool and allows Taehyung to respond for the both of them instead.

“That’s fine with me, Jeonggukkie. If anyone says anything while we’re out, I’ll kick their ass, alright?”

Namjoon finally speaks up then. “Shouldn’t you be the one changing, Tae-ah?”

Taehyung stares at him affronted. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, nothing,” Namjoon trills.

The giggle that Jeongguk lets out in response absolutely breaks Namjoon’s heart.

He is smitten for this kid. He can’t deny it, not one bit. A blind person would be able to see that Namjoon is head over heels for Jeongguk and Namjoon, even with an IQ of 148, thinks he’s an idiot for trying so hard to keep his distance from the younger. It obviously didn’t work, not even a little, and it probably just made him like Jeongguk even more.

Kim Namjoon can admit he’s an idiot. He can also admit that he likes Jeon Jeongguk more than he should.

Jeongguk smiles up at him like the sun shines out of Namjoon’s ass and Namjoon knows he has it bad.

Namjoon pushes Jeongguk’s hair out of his face and lets the younger man lead the way out of the auditorium with a buzzing Taehyung who’s still wearing the ridiculous high hat right beside him. Jeongguk hesitates once they step outside and see that there are still people milling about, but Namjoon just squeezes his hand and waits for the younger man to start walking again before he follows dutifully after.

They’ve only just made it down the main steps when Seokjin flings himself at Namjoon.

“Hyung!” Namjoon whines, struggling to hold up the older bulkier man that always shows up just when Namjoon thinks things are going his way. “Get off!”

“No. I’m glad you made it though. You need to quit moping around and support your favorite hyung with every chance you get, Joonie,” Seokjin pouts, pulling himself closer to Namjoon and ruffling Jeongguk’s hair as he does. “Hey, Gukkie-ah. Where are you guys headed to?”

Namjoon really hopes that Jeongguk doesn’t answer Seokjin’s question. And if he does, then he really hopes that Jeongguk doesn’t let his bleeding heart convince him to invite Seokjin along with them. They’re co-stars and friends and all, but Namjoon really hopes that Jeongguk won’t let himself be so lenient, at least for the rest of the night.

“We’re getting pizza, hyung. Do you want to come with?” Jeongguk has a bright grin spread across his face and Namjoon wants to scream and fling himself off a cliff.

Seokjin, of course, accepts the offer and stays latched to Namjoon’s side for the entire walk. Namjoon doesn’t hate or even dislike Seokjin. They’re best friends actually, but Seokjin is a very a touchy person and Namjoon always notices when Jeongguk watches them interact just a little too closely, his eyes lingering on Seokjin’s arms slung around Namjoon’s neck. Namjoon really doesn’t want Jeongguk to start feeling less confident now that he’s out and about in a skirt. He knows how much that’s going to affect Jeongguk’s self-worth in the long run and Namjoon just hopes that Seokjin can keep his touching and hand-feeding to a minimum tonight.

Of course, that’s exactly what Seokjin doesn’t do.

Namjoon does his best to refute Seokjin’s offers of pizza slices and buffalo wings dipped in different sauces, he really does, but when Seokjin offers him a slice of his Hawaiian pizza, Namjoon can’t help but cave in. He leans in and takes a bite from the slice that Seokjin is holding out to him. He takes a bite and chews as the sweet tangy taste of pineapple and smoked ham explodes over his taste buds and he might have closed his eyes and breathed out something close to a moan. Maybe.

When he looks up to meet Jeongguk’s startled gaze, he knows he definitely did. He blushes and ducks his head, avoiding Taehyung’s penetrating gaze on him.

Seokjin pats him on the back with a pleased smile. “There’s my cute dongsaeng. Always eat well. Here! Take another bite.”

He’s holding the slice out to Namjoon again, but the irritated look on Taehyung’s face makes him shake his head and lean away from the elder. “Hyung, stop. I’m not a baby.”

Seokjin merely laughs that high windshield-wiper laugh of his and lets his free hand pinch Namjoon’s cheek. “You’re Seokjinnie’s baby.”

Taehyung makes a gagging noise and Namjoon pushes himself forcibly away from the eldest of their group. “Hyung, don’t refer to yourself in third person. We’ve talked about this before. People think you’re going loopy with old age.”

Seokjin slaps his arm just a bit more harshly than he should and pouts at the blonde-haired senior. “I’m not that old, shut up, Joonie.”

Namjoon laughs and makes the mistake of looking in Jeongguk’s direction as he does. Jeongguk looks like a kicked puppy and Namjoon feels something clog his throat. His laughter turns into choked gurgles and Taehyung leans over the table to clap a hand on Namjoon’s back way harder than what is necessary. Namjoon offhandedly thinks that Taehyung is taking this chance to release all his pent-up frustration that he has with the whole Jeongguk-crushing-on-Namjoon-and-Namjoon-acting-weird-about-it situation. Namjoon can’t really blame him. He knows that if he were in Taehyung’s position he would do the same thing to the object of his best friend’s affections.

Seokjin takes it upon himself to shoo Taehyung’s hand away from Namjoon’s back once Taehyung’s hand has taken to slapping him. He gives Taehyung a warning look and the fashion designer merely gives an innocent smile back from under his stupid hat then throws an arm over Jeongguk’s shoulders, but Namjoon still catches the blush that slowly creeps its way across Taehyung’s cheeks as he holds Seokjin’s gaze. Namjoon knows he has no right to, but he feels jealous when he notices how quickly Jeongguk relaxes under Taehyung’s touch. It’s no surprise though, ever since Jeongguk enrolled into the university, he and Taehyung had been attached at the hip, childhood best friends and whatnot. Of course, Jeongguk would be relaxed around Taehyung. Taehyung doesn’t make the younger feel nervous and jittery whenever they talk like Namjoon does.

Taehyung whispers something to Jeongguk, his gaze still on Seokjin and Namjoon has to put visible effort into looking away from Jeongguk to pierce Seokjin with his gaze instead. The elder is frowning at the young pair seated across from them and Namjoon has known Seokjin long enough to tell that the upward pull of his frown means he’s jealous. It’s the same frown Seokjin wore whenever Yoongi would come around to their dorm last year and demand that Namjoon spend time with him. It settled down once Yoongi started dating Jimin and, by extension, Hoseok, but Seokjin has never liked Namjoon in that kind of way before. Back then, Namjoon was still trying to get used to his new life as a man and Seokjin had been there for him through it all.

Namjoon can still remember the time that Seokjin fought two drunks when they tried to coerce the younger into an unwanted threesome. Seokjin had come out victorious from that fight and Namjoon had had to talk their way out of getting arrested before he got a cab and made sure he and Seokjin got home safely that night. Seokjin is sturdy and strong and Namjoon looks up to him. He’s Namjoon’s best friend and Namjoon knew him well enough to think that Seokjin might be crushing on Kim Taehyung, the elite, wanna-be fashion designer who only went to school because his parents had forced him to.

When Taehyung whispers something else into Jeongguk’s ear and the bright, childish giggle Jeongguk lets out meets Namjoon’s ears, Namjoon is absolutely certain that his best friend likes his crush’s best friend.

Namjoon tugs on Seokjin’s sleeve and offers him a buffalo wing silently. Seokjin takes it, gives him a soft smile, then bites into the wing without any kind of preamble at all. Namjoon laughs when Seokjin sets the wing down and there’s sauce covering his lips and chin. He hands the elder a napkin and laughs again when Seokjin mutters something about how Namjoon should’ve just cleaned his face himself.

When Namjoon turns back to grab another slice of pizza, Jeongguk is looking at him. Namjoon doesn’t know him well enough, he doesn’t know Jeongguk at all really, but Namjoon knows that there’s a jealous gleam in the younger man’s eye when he watches the exchange between Namjoon and his best friend. Namjoon gulps and holds his slice of pizza out towards Jeongguk.

“Say ah,” Namjoon murmurs, his voice low and throaty and Jeongguk’s pupils dilate and Namjoon is fucking screwed.

Jeongguk opens his mouth obediently and takes a bite out of the slice of pizza, twisting his face up once he starts chewing.

“Ew, pineapple,” the younger man whines.

Namjoon laughs. “Pineapple is good for you. Here, have the rest, Jeonggukkie.”

Jeongguk scrunches his nose at Namjoon’s words, but takes a few more bites out of the slice that Namjoon is holding out towards him before he groans about it tasting too gross to swallow. Taehyung makes some sly response about Jeongguk being able to swallow other things just fine and Jeongguk smacks his arm. Suddenly, Namjoon is thinking that maybe Jeongguk and Taehyung are so close because they’ve fooled around before.

He really hopes that isn’t the case when Jeongguk looks back at him with an adorable smile on his face. Namjoon finds himself leaning in, lips pursed, before he catches himself and settles himself back into his seat. Seokjin gives him a knowing look and pats him on the head before he reaches out to take the last buffalo wing. Taehyung complains about ‘Seokjinnie-hyung’ eating all of their food and Namjoon is pretty certain that Taehyung might just like Seokjin in return. He belatedly realizes that this is an impromptu double-date and is left jittery for the rest of their time spent together.

He forgets about being nervous when Jeongguk stands to pay for the bill and walks off to get into the line that’s queueing up right in front of the cash register at the front counter. Seokjin pulls out a few crumpled bills and lays them on the table as a tip before he stands to join Jeongguk in line. Namjoon moves to follow until Taehyung puts a hand on his arm and gently pushes him back into his seat.

Namjoon shouldn’t be confused, but he kind of is anyway when Taehyung leans forward on his elbows and gives Namjoon a shrewd look. He almost laughs when Taehyung’s hat falls to cover half his face.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Namjoon tries.

“Ha-ha. Funny,” Taehyung grumbles. “Listen, we need to talk.”

Namjoon snaps to attention. “About what?”

“You and Jeonggukkie.”

Namjoon stiffens then. “There’s nothing to talk about Tae.”

Taehyung shakes his head and looks over his shoulder where both of them can see Jeongguk and Seokjin eyeing them warily. “I know you like Gukk-ah. He likes you too, you know.”

Namjoon bites his bottom lip and blurts the first words he can think of in response. “Yeah? Well, I know you like Seokjinnie-hyung. He likes you as well.”

Taehyung laughs. “Good. I’ve been meaning to ask him out to dinner. Glad to know I won’t have to worry about his answer.”

Namjoon blinks. “Is it really that easy for you?”

“Yep. It should be that easy for you two as well.”

There’s a short silence before Taehyung sighs and gives Namjoon a concerned look. “Look, I know that your first few months after transitioning were tough and I know that your exes were pretty much scum, but please don’t let that affect what you can have with Jeongguk. He’s a really nice kid, albeit a bit antisocial and shy as hell, but he’s sweet and he’s very easy-going, Joon-hyung. Please, just give him a chance. He likes you a lot, more than you probably know. You could insult him and he’d still be willing to suck your face off.”

Namjoon laughs at the analogy and pats Taehyung’s shoulder. “Thanks. I don’t think that last one is a good thing exactly, but thank you.”

“No problem.” Taehyung nods his head and stands up. “Now let’s go to our men, they look like they’re going to storm over here. Plus, I promised Gukkie I would stay by his side until he took off the skirt. He’s paranoid.”

Namjoon stands up and opens his mouth to say something, but he jumps when Seokjin yells something out and punches a guy that Namjoon has never seen before while Jeongguk stands nearby, a watery look in his eyes and his hands curled so tightly into the pleats of his skirt that Namjoon thinks he’s never going to let them go. Taehyung dashes off towards the commotion, his hat askew, and easily takes Jeongguk’s hand as he pays their bill before he leads the younger man outside into the nice, cool air. Namjoon is left to deal with trying to get Seokjin off the stranger and ends up being elbowed in the face. He can feel the first drop of blood drip from his nose and Namjoon groans when someone kicks him in the chest then, right into his left boob, which is much more painful than normal thanks to how tightly his binder is on today. Seokjin is somehow by his side suddenly, a hand on Namjoon’s waist as he presses napkins that he got from who knows where to the younger man’s nose and leads them outside where Jeongguk and Taehyung wait with the manager of the place following them and telling them they aren’t allowed to come back again.

“Wouldn’t dream of eating in a place where men with fragile masculinities can’t handle seeing another dude in a skirt,” Seokjin spits out through his teeth, his body practically plastered to Namjoon’s by that point and Namjoon is starting to feel a bit suffocated.

Namjoon doesn’t like people being so into his personal space. Hugs are horrible for him and he avoids them often, but there’s Seokjin with his hand clenching on too tight to Namjoon’s waist and pressing the damp wad of napkins to his nose, his front side pressing into Namjoon’s back. Namjoon has his head tilted up and back so it ends up on Seokjin’s shoulder and then Jeongguk is suddenly in his line of vision. There’s tears in his eyes and his hand immediately replaces Seokjin’s on the wad of napkins until Namjoon is finally free from the elder’s grip on him. There’s a look of awe on Taehyung’s face and he barely notices that one of the employees is trying to press more napkins into his hands for Namjoon’s nose.

“Did you really punch that asshole in the face ‘cause he made fun of Gukkie’s skirt?” Taehyung asks as he hands the napkins off to Jeongguk.

Jeongguk is too busy pressing the new napkins to Namjoon’s nose to really pay attention to anything else, but then Namjoon’s hand is on his waist and there’s a small smile on his lips when Jeongguk looks into his face. Meanwhile, Seokjin is dusting off his shirt and sending worried glances in Namjoon’s direction before he looks back towards Taehyung.

“Yeah. It pissed me off.” Seokjin shrugs, like punching a stranger to defend the feelings of his best friend’s crush is an absolutely normal thing to do.

“Wow,” Taehyung sighs, his eyes shining with admiration as he throws his arms around Seokjin’s neck, his hat falling completely off, but Taehyung doesn’t care about that right now. “Wanna have dinner tomorrow?”

Seokjin laughs. “Took the words right out of my mouth.”

Taehyung grins and leans in, letting his lips brush briefly against the elder’s before he pulls them towards Namjoon and Jeongguk. Jeongguk is crying by this point and he keeps apologizing profusely to Namjoon who merely stands there, swaying a little, but saying nothing, the blood finally having stopped flowing. Seokjin detangles himself from Taehyung and wraps an arm around Namjoon’s shoulders.

“Hey, you alright?” Seokjin asks his best friend.

Namjoon sighs and closes his eyes, sagging against Seokjin’s side. “No. One of you kicked me in the chest and I’m swallowing my own blood.”

Seokjin, bless him doesn’t laugh and merely crouches down so he can hook his arm under Namjoon’s knees and pull him into this chest, carrying the younger, bloody man bridal style. “I’ll take you home, Joon-ah, don’t worry.”

“That’s the least you can do after you kicked me in the boob, hyung,” Namjoon murmurs, his voice frail and eyes closing of their own accord, the blood on his face stiffening.

Seokjin laughs and shakes his head with a fond look on his face before he looks back up at the younger men in front of him. “I’m gonna take him back to his apartment and set him up with an ice pack and aspirin. Sorry for ending the night like this.”

Taehyung nods his head and smiles, throwing an arm around Jeongguk’s waist and pulling him into his side. “It’s no biggie, hyung. Thanks for defending Jeonggukkie. Take Joonie-hyung home and please convince him that he and Jeongguk-ah are absolutely made for one another.”

“Tae!” Jeongguk sputters, tear tracks staining his face as he rips his eyes away from Namjoon to pin Taehyung with an accusing stare.

“I can hear you,” Namjoon whispers, his eyes still closed.

Jeongguk blushes and wipes at his eyes, unable to say anything. Seokjin only laughs again and leans in to give Taehyung a kiss on the cheek. “We’ll be off now. You have my number so just text me about the date tomorrow.”

“Okay. Bye, hyung!” Taehyung replies cheerily.

Jeongguk looks glum when he says, “Bye, hyung. Sorry about everything.”

Seokjin laughs. “It’s fine, Jeonggukkie. I’d do it again in a heartbeat, okay?”

Jeongguk nods and Seokjin shoots him a fond smile. “I know Namjoon-ah can seem really distant, but that’s only ‘cause he doesn’t want to get hurt again. Be patient with him, alright, Gukkie-ah?”

“Okay, hyung.”

“I can still hear you,” Namjoon speaks up then, a frown on his face and the blood spurting from his nose, now completely dry. “Take me home, hyung. My boob and my nose fucking hurt.”

“Shut up, you big baby.”

“Your big baby,” Namjoon mutters, hefting a sigh into Seokjin’s chest as the elder begins to walk away.

Namjoon isn’t sure if Jeongguk is still in hearing distance, but he doesn’t hesitate to yell out, “Jeongguk-ah! You looked cute in that skirt!”

Seokjin’s windshield wiper laugh meets his ears and Namjoon can distantly hear Taehyung whooping in the background, but that’s the last thing he remembers before he’s being laid on his bed, face now clean, and an ice pack wrapped in a clean rag being pressed to his throbbing nose. Namjoon isn’t sure when it happened, but Seokjin had pulled off the younger man’s shirt and his binder and pulled a hoodie on him before he settled in beside Namjoon on his bed and spooned him through the night.

Namjoon doesn’t say it, but Seokjin knows that he’s the only person Namjoon would let do that.

That night, Namjoon dreams of dark blue skirts and pretty pink blushes adorning a certain bunny-looking boy that makes his heart beat just a little faster than normal.

He wakes up to a bare chested Seokjin who’s dressed in a pair of Namjoon’s sweats as he makes breakfast in his kitchen. Namjoon smacks his butt as he walks past. Seokjin tsks at him in response.

  The next few days Namjoon has to listen to Seokjin gush over his new boyfriend.

He isn’t really annoyed though. Namjoon is happy that Seokjin is happy and Taehyung’s a good kid.

Still, Namjoon wouldn’t hesitate at all to kick Taehyung’s ass if he somehow hurt Namjoon’s best friend, but he knows that the possibility of that happening is unlikely.

Taehyung is too engrossed with the way Seokjin talks and speaks and the way his face scrunches up whenever he’s trying to with hold his laughter while telling a lame dad joke. It’s kind of cute, Namjoon thinks, how Taehyung is noticing such little things and claiming that he’s fallen in love with them. Namjoon just laughs though.

He doesn’t take Taehyung’s bold declarations of love to heart. It’s just Taehyung being Taehyung and Seokjin laughs and kisses Taehyung’s nose every time he says he’s in love.

It’s cute. It really is.

Except, now that Seokjin and Taehyung are together, all they do is pester Namjoon about getting together with Jeongguk. Namjoon is annoyed by that. He doesn’t have the time to deal with them playing cupid, he has a final to study for and he needs to meet Jeongguk in the library for their tutoring session in less than twenty minutes. So he collects his things, picks up his bag, and ducks out the doorway of Seokjin’s apartment with a rushed excuse of meeting Jeongguk. The pleased looks on their faces are a bit much, Namjoon thinks, but whatever gets them off his back.

Seokjin doesn’t live far from the university. He actually lives in the same apartment complex as Namjoon, but his apartment is on a floor lower than Namjoon’s own, so they see each other often.

Namjoon is breathing harder than usual by the time he steps onto campus, but he wastes no time at all to admire spring’s effect on campus life. He needs to be in the library in five minutes so he and Jeongguk can start their tutoring session. Jeongguk still needs work on getting his pronunciation right for his English class and Namjoon, as an English speaking person, was paired with Jeongguk in the first term.

Jeongguk is an honors student double majoring in theater and dance and minoring in photography and art. Namjoon doesn’t know how the younger man does it, but since Namjoon is a double major himself, he gets why Jeongguk might need a tutor. Jeongguk had skipped a few grades during primary school, same as Namjoon, but he was still just a kid most of the time. It was hard to believe that Jeongguk was only twenty when his face still had that round of youth to it.

Namjoon had been captivated by Jeongguk from the very first moment their eyes met.

Everything Jeongguk seemed to do had grabbed his attention and Namjoon knew he was treading in dangerous waters from the very beginning, so he’d told himself he wouldn’t get invested. He’d stay as far away from the younger as he could and he would not under any circumstances let himself dive head first into his feelings for Jeon Jeongguk.

Of course, that was unknowingly the first thing that he did.

Namjoon pushes that thought to the back of his mind as he finally reaches the library and spots Jeongguk leaning against the wall beside the door that leads to the library’s study rooms. He’s talking to a guy that Namjoon has never seen before, but he doesn’t think anything of it since nothing about Jeongguk’s posture says that the stranger is bothering him.

Jeongguk spots him and the smile that graces his lips could blind Namjoon. Namjoon feels his own lips pull into a small smile in return that quickly lowers into a frown when the guy Jeongguk is talking to takes a step towards Jeongguk and is suddenly too close for comfort. Namjoon sees the immediate change in Jeongguk’s body language and he can tell that the younger doesn’t really like the man being in his personal space and Namjoon is quick to step in between them, pulling on Jeongguk’s hand to lead him towards the study rooms.

The man follows them, a disgruntled look on his face at the sight of Namjoon, but he opens his mouth to speak anyway. Namjoon wishes that he hadn’t.

“Jeongguk, you never gave me an answer. Do you want to go out with me this Friday to the movies?” His voice is low and somewhat nasally and Namjoon decides then that he hates him.

Jeongguk looks like a deer caught in the headlights and his gaze keeps flicking from Namjoon to the man behind him. Namjoon stops in front of the door that leads to their scheduled study room but makes no move to open it. The stranger is still waiting for Jeongguk’s answer.

“You really want to go out with me?” Jeongguk asks, a confused expression on his face. “We’ve barely spoken at all, Yugyeom-ssi.”

The now named Yugyeom smirks and leans in towards Jeongguk again. Jeongguk goes still and Namjoon stiffens beside him before he pulls Jeongguk behind him.

“Listen, could you stop getting so close. It makes Jeonggukkie uncomfortable,” Namjoon murmurs, his gaze holding Yugyeom’s.

Yugyeom frowns at Namjoon and scoffs. “Who are you? His boyfriend?”

Namjoon can feel Jeongguk’s eyes on the back of his head and he knows that the younger is hoping for Namjoon to say yes, yes he is Jeongguk’s boyfriend. Namjoon knows that Jeongguk wants him to be and Namjoon thinks he wouldn’t really mind it, but Namjoon isn’t ready for a relationship. Ever since the night Jeongguk had worn a skirt, Namjoon and Jeongguk had both been made aware of each other’s feelings for the other, but neither have done anything to take a step forward. They haven’t brought up what Taehyung or Seokjin said either and instead have been tip-toeing around each other. This is Namjoon’s chance to take a step forward and really start something with Jeongguk, but he isn’t ready. All Namjoon can think about is every one of his last break ups and the reasons behind them. He doesn’t want to go through that again, no matter how much he may like Jeongguk. So he bites his lip and lets go of Jeongguk’s hand.

“No. I’m his tutor and his friend and I don’t appreciate you harassing him.”

Namjoon can feel Jeongguk visibly deflate beside him, but he doesn’t say anything to draw attention to it since Yugyeom is inspecting them so shrewdly.

“I don’t think it’s your place to decide how Jeongguk feels,” Yugyeom says, his frown still in place as he glares at Namjoon. “Anyways, Jeongguk, how about it?”

Jeongguk grips onto Namjoon’s arm as he steps forward and gives Yugyeom a shy smile. “I guess it would be okay.”

“Awesome. We’ll talk about it more tomorrow in class. See ya,” Yugyeom exclaims, a large smile on his face as he takes a few steps backwards before he turns and walks through the door that they came in from.

Namjoon gingerly pulls his arm out from Jeongguk’s grasp and turns to face the door to their study room again. On the whiteboard are their names with their time slot underneath. Namjoon can’t tear his eyes away from their names linked together with a single, small plus sign and he thinks that Jeongguk can’t either.

Kim Namjoon + Jeon Jeongguk 13:30-15:30

They’ve got two hours together. Namjoon doesn’t think he’s going to make it.

He opens the door anyways and lets Jeongguk pass by first before he steps through the door. Jeongguk is silent as he takes his usual seat at their usual table and Namjoon sits down warily across from him, which is different since Namjoon usually sits beside Jeongguk instead, but Namjoon needs the distance. They’re both unusually quiet and Namjoon doesn’t want to look the younger in the eye, but they have to get started on studying some time. So he lets out a deep breath and tilts his head upwards to meet Jeongguk’s gaze.

“So, have you been working on your pronunciation lately?” Namjoon asks and Jeongguk looks like a kicked puppy again.

“Uh, no. I’ve been a little busy,” Jeongguk murmurs.

Namjoon regrets it the instant it leaves his mouth, but he can’t keep his big mouth shut. “Oh? Too busy doing what? Wooing a certain boy named Yugyeom?”

It’s below the belt, Namjoon knows it is, but he’s insanely jealous and he knows he has no right to be. Jeongguk looks like he might cry and Namjoon thinks flinging himself off a cliff would be a good idea right about now.

“Hyung, why are you being like this?” Jeongguk still looks like he’s going to cry and Namjoon feels something spasm in his chest.

He shifts in his seat, his nipples chafing against his binder again and Namjoon wants to scream. “Gukk-ah, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Jeongguk is crying now, but the way he’s pitifully wiping at his eyes makes Namjoon rise from his seat and come around the table.

“I know you like me, hyung. I can see it on your face every time you look at me,” Jeongguk hiccups, tears still trickling down his face no matter how often he wipes at them. “If you didn’t want me to go out with Yugyeom-ssi, you could have just said so.”

Namjoon twists his hands in his lap and gives Jeongguk a sheepish grin. “Even if I do like you, Gukk-ah, it isn’t my place to tell you what to do. You’re allowed to date whoever you wantー”

“I want to date you, hyung,” Jeongguk sniffles, wiping at his nose before he pulls at Namjoon’s arm, drawing the elder closer. “Hyung, I really want to date you.”

“Why’d you say yes to that guy if you want to date me?” Namjoon knows he’s treading into dangerous waters again, but if he doesn’t go along with the flow, he’s going to drown in his feelings for Jeongguk and that might be even worse.

“You said it yourself. We’re just friends, hyung. I want to date you, but you don’t want to date me.” Jeongguk is crying again and Namjoon’s heart hurts.

Namjoon wants to deny what Jeongguk is saying, but he knows that’d be lying and Namjoon doesn’t want to lie. “Jeongguk-ah, I can’t tell you you’re wrong.”

Jeongguk’s tears have come to a standstill as he stares at Namjoon and suddenly his face is too close and Namjoon isn't sure how he's even able to breathe. Jeongguk’s nose is brushing against his and his vision has gone cross-eyed trying to keep Jeongguk in his line of sight. But the younger is too close and Namjoon can feel his hand on the back of his neck and his lips are a hairsbreadth away from Namjoon’s and Namjoon. Namjoon freaks out.

He pushes away from the tableーaway from Jeonggukーand is left staring up at the ceiling, suddenly on his back. Jeongguk leans over him and pulls Namjoon up, an unreadable look on his face. Namjoon knows he's just thrown their progress five steps backwards, but Jeongguk kissing him isn't something he's ready for in the slightest and he can't bear to have Jeongguk so close to him right now. Namjoon needs to get away, he needs time apart from the younger man who looks like he’s just had his heart trampled on. Namjoon knows that look well. He’s seen it too often in the mirror.

“Hyung, I-I’mー” Jeongguk starts.

But Namjoon is already up and grabbing his things. “I have to go.”

“What?”

“I have an important thing to go to that I completely forgot about. You'll be alright studying on your own, right?” Namjoon’s voice is gruff and hoarse as he speaks, but he's trying very hard not to let his panic show as he rushes towards the door.

Jeongguk doesn't say anything and Namjoon thinks he doesn't have to. The expression on his face says it all.

“Have fun on your date, Jeonggukkie,” Namjoon says as he steps through the door and closes it behind him.

He stares at the whiteboard on the door for a moment and erases his name with the sleeve of his shirt. He runs off before Jeongguk can follow him.

Seokjin and Taehyung are going to kill him.

  Taehyung refuses to talk to him for the rest of that week.

Namjoon’s surprised when Seokjin follows suit. He knows they're dating and all now, but still. Namjoon never thought that his best friend would side with his love interest over him.

But Namjoon knows that he's justified in doing so. Seokjin has finally grown tired of putting up with Namjoon’s moping and pining and then blatant disregard of his own happiness. It's been like this for so long and there’s a lot that Seokjin can put up with, but even Namjoon knows that the elder is at his limit now.

Still, even Yoongi thinks it's cruel when Seokjin and Taehyung talk about Jeongguk’s date with Yugyeom in front of Namjoon like he isn't even there.

“For a best friend, he isn't really acting like one,” Yoongi growls, his fingers burrowing into Hoseok’s hair as he lets his legs spread out and tangle with Hoseok’s.

Namjoon currently has his head in Jimin’s lap with his knees drawn up to his chest. Jimin is running his fingers through his hair and murmuring little things that only Namjoon can hear. Hoseok and Yoongi sit across from them, not huddled up together like they do with Jimin because Namjoon understands that they aren't technically together, but it's hard to think that when Hoseok blushes whenever Yoongi touches him.

Namjoon’s been feeling shitty ever since he woke up that morning and remembered that Jeongguk’s date was to take place that night. But he’s also feeling shitty for the usual reasons as well. He has a paper due Sunday night and he’s barely gathered his resources on it, but he knows he can’t work on it today. He feels too awful. It's why he came to Jimin’s apartment, to seek comfort from the only other person he knows understands the way Namjoon feels about his body sometimes. Jimin’s touch is soothing and his words of encouragement hold more weight than Seokjin’s usually do.

Jimin had transitioned in his final year of high school, back when he’d only been dating Hoseok. Hoseok was an amazing guy, still amazing really, and had even helped Jimin buy his first packer. Then Jimin had met Yoongi through Namjoon and they’d been tip toeing around each other until all three of them sat down and discussed the parameters of their relationship the year before. Hoseok and Yoongi agreed that they didn't really want to date each other, but they wouldn't mind dating Jimin. Namjoon thinks that they must really love Jimin if they're willing to put up with each other and the weird stares they always get whenever they go out together. But it's sweet and nice and Namjoon’s really glad that Jimin is happy.

Still, they have their off days and when Namjoon’s get particularly bad, he comes to Jimin. Yoongi and Hoseok know not to say anything and just let Jimin work his magic on Namjoon, but Namjoon always feels guilty about needing the help anyways.

“Why won't you just date him, Joon?” Hoseok asks and Namjoon closes his eyes with a heavy sigh.

He feels really shitty, the worst ever since he embraced who he really was and he really doesn't want to talk about Jeongguk right now. It's all he can think about though. Whether Jeongguk will actually go through with the date or not, what he'll wear, whether he'll break out that special cologne or not. Namjoon really hopes that he won't, but he knows he has no right to say or even think that. It's his own fault for being too cowardly and he was the one who ran away when Jeongguk tried to kiss him. It's his own fault. All his fault.

“Hobi-hyung, please don't bring him up right now,” Jimin whispers, his voice is soft and musical and Namjoon feels like crying.

He coughs and Yoongi throws a pillow at him. “If you start crying, I'm kicking you out.”

Namjoon blinks back his tears to stare at the elder and closes his eyes again when Jimin’s fingernails scratch at his scalp lightly. It's soothing and it takes Namjoon's mind off the nausea and disgust he's feeling.

“You're mean, hyung,” Namjoon murmurs.

Yoongi sniffs. “The only one being mean to you is yourself, Joon-ah.”

Namjoon sighs. “Please don't, hyung. Not right now. It's really bad, okay?”

Jimin shifts underneath him and taps Namjoon’s cheek. “How bad, Joonie-hyung?”

“The worst. This is the worst I've ever felt,” Namjoon whispers, his face pillowed by Jimin’s thigh.

Namjoon hears someone get up from the opposite couch and he opens his eyes to see that it's Hoseok making his way towards the kitchen. It may be his imagination, but Yoongi looks reluctant to see Hoseok leave his side and when Namjoon looks up to question Jimin, Jimin just gives him a knowing smile before he goes back to massaging Namjoon’s head.

“You know, hyung,” Jimin starts, a thoughtful tilt to his head as he looks down at Namjoon. “Maybe your feelings for Jeongguk are what's making today so bad for you.”

“Not you too, Jiminnie,” Namjoon groans and sits up, pulling the pillow that Yoongi threw at him into his arms to hold up to his chest. “Please, drop it.”

“Just hear me out,” Jimin says, his palms held out towards Namjoon. “It's never been this bad before, right? And you said that today was Jeongguk’s date with that Yug-guy or whatever his name was.”

“Yugyeom,” Namjoon murmurs glumly. “His name is Yugyeom.”

Jimin rolls his eyes. “Yeah, Yugyeom, whatever. That's not important right now.”

“Then what is? ‘Cause I don't get what point you're trying to prove, Jimin-ah.”

“Well, maybe you're just feeling even more depressed because you feel like you've messed things up with Jeongguk for good.”

“I still don't get it.”

Yoongi throws another pillow at him as Hoseok walks back into the living room, cups of tea in hand. He hands one to Jimin, then Namjoon and doubles back to the kitchen to grab the last two cups. Namjoon is definitely not imagining it when Hoseok whispers about making coffee for Yoongi instead of tea since the elder hates it and hands him his cup while Yoongi blushes fiercely and mumbles his thanks. Hoseok sits down beside him and instantly tangles their legs together like they were beforehand and Namjoon knows that they've finally swallowed their pride and are dating now too.

Jimin is giving him that knowing smile again when Namjoon looks back at him, but it's none of his business so Namjoon says nothing.

“I think what Jiminnie means is that your feelings for Jeongguk are being piled on top of your other usual feelings and that's why you feel so shitty right now,” Yoongi says, taking a sip of his coffee and giving an appreciative sigh as he does. He turns to Hoseok and murmurs, “This is great, by the way, SeokSeok.”

Yeah, they’re definitely fucking now.

Namjoon sighs and sips some of his tea. “It doesn't matter. Jeongguk already made a choice and he's going to go out with that guy tonight and him doing that has nothing to do with the way I'm feeling about my body right now.”

Jimin sets his cup down and takes Namjoon’s before placing it beside his own. He then pulls Namjoon’s hands into his own hands and turns so that his whole body is facing Namjoon's. Namjoon gulps and prepares himself for the lecture that Jimin is about to give him.

“That's not what I'm saying at all, Namjoonie-hyung. What I'm saying is that you feel so awful today because both your body dysphoria and your feelings for Jeonggukkie have combined. You're blaming yourself for this date happening and honestly, I blame you too, hyung.” Jimin’s voice is hard and unrelenting and Namjoon feels like crying again.

“Jimin-ah, I don't think that's helping,” Hoseok says quietly, his gaze fixed on Namjoon’s face and the tremble of his bottom lip. “You're gonna make him cry.”

Jimin tsks at Hoseok and waves a hand at him. “That's what I'm trying to do. Namjoon needs to cry this out so he can feel better and he needs to face the music about his feelings for Jeongguk. I'm tired of having the both of them come in here crying ‘cause Namjoon-hyung is too much of a pussy to just ask the kid out and get it over with.”

“That was so mean,” Yoongi breathes out before his gummy smile breaks out over his face. “I’m so proud.”

“Stop it, Jimin. You're going to make things worse for Namjoonie,” Hoseok murmurs, a disapproving look on his face. “Look! You made him cry.”

It's true, Namjoon is crying, but it's long overdue and he's already cried twice today so crying some more isn't really a big deal for Namjoon anymore. He knows Jimin is right and he knows that Hoseok is just trying to spare his feelings, but Namjoon’s feelings are all over the place and he isn't even sure what he wants to do anymore. Jimin sighs and pulls a few tissues out from the tissue box on the coffee table and dabs at Namjoon's face with them.

“I'm sorry, hyung. You know I don't like it when people cry, but I'm really really tired of this thing between you and Jeongguk-ah. He's gone searching for me five times this week, always crying about you running away from him when he tried to kiss you and how you probably hate him and some other nonsense. And now you've come over today moping about Jeongguk’s date and I'm sick of it. Either get your shit together and pursue Jeongguk or forget about it and cut off all ties with him,” Jimin exclaims, angrier than Namjoon's ever seen him, but then his voice and his face soften and Namjoon just can't stop his tears from falling. “I'm sorry, hyung, but I'm tired of seeing you two hurting so much over this.”

Hoseok is beside Namjoon then, a comforting hand on his back. “I know Jimin-ah is being harsh, but we're all worried. You've liked Jeongguk for so long and you've done nothing to make him yours. We're concerned that you're letting your past relationships affect your chances with Jeongguk and none of us want to see it when you finally crash and burn. You're nearing your breaking point already, Joonie.”

“Yeah, what they said,” Yoongi mutters as he wiggles his way onto Namjoon’s lap before he starts wiping the younger man’s tears away for him. “Namjoon-ah, you deserve to be happy and none of your asshole exes cared enough to prove that to you, but Jeongguk-ah can. You just have to let him.”

Namjoon sniffles and buries his face into Yoongi’s hair and let's the three of them comfort him until Jimin is pushing a box of his favorite takeout into his hands and swaddling him in a blanket as they settle down for a movie. Jimin lets Namjoon sit between him and his boyfriends and Namjoon eats as much as his stomach will let him before he nestles himself into Jimin’s side and lets his gaze focus on the television instead of Yoongi and Hoseok who are definitely making out beside him.

Yoongi catches the smirk that Namjoon gives them and frowns at him before asking, “What?”

Namjoon only smiles wider and shakes his head. “Nothing. I'm just happy you finally let Hoseok into your heart, hyung. It was weird watching you guys get jealous over Jimin.”

Yoongi blushes and mutters something Namjoon can't make out. Then Hoseok is patting his cheek and smiling softly. “You should let someone into your own heart sometime, Namjoon. It's scary as hell, but it's nice and it makes you feel all warm inside and out.”

Namjoon stares at Hoseok for a little while before he nods his head slowly and finishes watching the rest of the movie. Once it's over, Jimin kisses him on the cheek and offers to make Yoongi give him a ride home, but Namjoon’s apartment isn't far and the sun is barely starting to set so he should be fine. Hoseok kisses his other cheek and gives him the leftover takeout before he runs off into the kitchen again. Yoongi mutters about not needing to be coerced into driving Namjoon home because he was going to offer anyways and blushes when Jimin pats his cheek in consolation before leaving to join Hoseok in the kitchen. Yoongi looks at his socked feet for a few seconds then goes on tiptoe and kisses Namjoon’s nose unexpectedly.

“Don't let your past fuck up your future, Joon-ah, please? I don't like you being by yourself,” Yoongi murmurs, his voice the softest Namjoon has ever heard it.

Namjoon smiles and nuzzles his nose into Yoongi’s hair. “Okay, hyung.”

Yoongi hugs him briefly and offers to walk with him up to the front gate of the apartment complex, but Namjoon tells him it's okay and gives the elder a kiss on his forehead before he bids farewell. Yoongi watches him walk down the hall and take the main steps down until he's in the courtyard. Namjoon waves as he reaches the front gate and isn't surprised to see Yoongi flanked by Jimin and Hoseok as they wave goodbye back. Namjoon grins and steps onto the sidewalk, letting the gate close behind him with a loud clang.

Namjoon’s walk home doesn't take long and he spends a lot of time looking at the spring flowers that adorn a few front gardens and shop windows. Namjoon distantly thinks that he's in the spring of his own life right now and should embrace new things, but he's scared and he doesn't want to get hurt again. Jeongguk is a really sweet kid and Namjoon likes him a lot, more than he's liked any of his exes, but whenever he thinks about being in a relationship with him, all he feels is crippling fear.

He's scared of being hurt. He's scared of being left again. No one he's been with has ever wanted to stay and while Jeongguk likes him back, Namjoon knows that it's just Jeongguk’s young mindset that’s keeping him from thinking of the future. Jeongguk certainly isn't ready for commitment, but it's what Namjoon wants. It's what he's always wanted and no one has been willing to stay long enough to give it to him.

Namjoon makes it home without any preamble at all. He’s barely walked past Seokjin’s door before it's being opened and Seokjin is standing there with his arms crossed over his chest and a wary look on his face as he notices Namjoon’s red-rimmed eyes.

“What happened?” Namjoon gives out a sigh when he realizes that the elder is worried.

“Nothing. I was over at Jimin’s today is all,” Namjoon murmurs, his fingers clenching tightly around the food Hoseok gave him before he left.

Seokjin takes in his appearance. The dumpy dark gray sweatshirt Namjoon wears when it's one of those days, the dirty washed out converse, the black jeans that leave nothing up to the imagination, and the tired look on Namjoon’s face before Seokjin is drawing him into a hug. Namjoon doesn't cry, but he feels like he might again because Seokjin hasn't spoken to him in a week and now he's in his arms and he can feel his chest against his own and Namjoon has missed his best friend.

“I'm so sorry, Joon-ah,” Seokjin whispers.

Namjoon pats his back. “It's okay.”

For the first time in a while, Namjoon doesn't think he's lying when he says those words.

  After Seokjin treated him to a home cooked dinner and some gross beer, Namjoon makes his way up the stairs to his own apartment.

He unlocks the door, takes off his shoes and closes the door behind him as he flicks the lights on.

“I'm home!” He calls out to no one in particular.

He should work on his paper, it isn’t going to write itself. But he decides that he can’t concentrate enough to even look at it. So he sighs and stretches his arms above his head.

Then he shoves his leftovers into the fridge, takes a nice, warm shower and looks at his naked body in the mirror. His hands skim across his chest, disappointed to still feel a softness there that he doesn't want to feel again, but he can admit that his chest looks flatter and his hips aren't as noticeable as before.

Namjoon is pleased to see that he's less curvy than he was a year ago.

He dresses in boxers and a white undershirt then throws himself into bed where he falls asleep.

He wakes up to soft knocking on his door that he isn't sure he really heard. He might have just imagined it, but then the sound rings out again and Namjoon grunts as he reluctantly gets out of bed.

Namjoon doesn't remember about his choice of clothing until he opens the door to a crying Jeongguk clad in a pretty black skirt and a tight shirt with a collar that dips downwards in a severe V to show off his clavicle. Suddenly, Namjoon is very aware of the fact that his shirt is very, very see-through and there's a reason why Jeongguk is trying hard not to look at his chest.

“Jeongguk-ah? What's wrong?” Namjoon asks, his arms not so subtly coming up to cover his chest.

“Hy-hyung, can I come i-in, please?” Jeongguk cries, wiping at his eyes to try and stop his crying.

Namjoon wordlessly steps away from the door and lets the younger man in. “Uh, give me a moment to put something on.”

Jeongguk nods his head and takes off his shoes politely before he sits down on Namjoon’s couch, staring at nothing and still crying. Namjoon closes his door, pushes the tissue box towards the younger as he passes by the couch, then rushes into his room to pull on a hoodie. He's back in the living room where Jeongguk is still crying and Namjoon’s not really sure what to do.

“Do you want some tea or coffee?” Namjoon asks, his voice low and soft.

Jeongguk looks up at him and mumbles, “Can I h-have milk instead?”

“Of course. Warm or cold?”

“W-warm.”

Namjoon nods and walks into his kitchen. He doesn't really spend a lot of time in here considering he can't cook for jack shit, but he can make tea and coffee and he can definitely heat up some fucking milk.

He can still hear Jeongguk crying, but he pushes that to the back of his head as he sets to work on the milk and making some tea for himself. He knows his hair must look like a birds nest so he uses the back of a spoon as a mirror while he tries to tame the rebellious blonde locks. He uses the same spoon to mix honey into his tea before he carefully makes his way back into the living room and hands Jeongguk his cup of milk. Namjoon sits as far as possible on the tiny couch as he can and tries to figure out what he should say as Jeongguk continues to cry and takes shallow sips of his milk.

“Do you, uh,” Namjoon starts, then clears his throat once he realizes how gruff his voice sounds. “Do you wanna tell me what happened?”

Jeongguk sets his cup down and Namjoon figures he should do the same. “Do y-you promise not to t-tell Tae?”

Namjoon feels his brow furrow and he turns so he's facing Jeongguk all the way. “Depends. If it's something I think Taehyung should know, then I’ll tell him, but that all depends on what it is. So tell me, what happened Jeonggukkie? Weren't you supposed to be on your date right now?”

Jeongguk takes a deep breath and stares at his hands. “Yugyeom made f-fun of my skirt.”

Namjoon feels a heated coil of anger begin to rise in his stomach. “He did what?”

“We were g-gonna go midnight b-bowling. I agreed ‘cause I didn't really c-care where we went as long as I-I got it over with. I showed up early where we were supposed to m-meet and when he finally showed up, he s-started telling me that I shouldn't have worn the skirt, that it w-was weird for guys to wear s-skirts and it's gross and he doesn't w-wanna be seen with a t-tranny,” Jeongguk manages to say.

Namjoon bolts to his feet and stomps to his bedroom to pull on socks and some sweats. When he steps into the living room again, Jeongguk is watching him with wide, teary eyes. He doesn't say anything until Namjoon is shoving his feet into his shoes.

“Where are you g-going?”

“To beat the shit out of that asshole,” Namjoon spits through his teeth as he finally get his second shoe on.

“No, you're not.”

Namjoon stills and turns to look at the younger boy who’s still crying and who looks absolutely gorgeous in the skirt he wears and Namjoon really wants to just fucking kiss him.

“Why the hell not? He deserves it!”

Jeongguk makes his away around the couch and lays his hand on Namjoon’s forearm before he starts pulling the elder back into the living room. Namjoon should kick off his shoes, but he's afraid he’ll fall if he tries to do that while Jeongguk is leading him back towards the couch.

“He may deserve it, but if I wanted his ass kicked, I would've gone to Taehyung’s.”

Namjoon stills and Jeongguk comes to a stop beside him.

“Why are you here then?” Namjoon feels like it isn't him who’s speaking right now, but it's definitely his mouth that's moving as he forms the words.

Jeongguk is staring at him like the sun shines out of his ass and Namjoon is screwed.

“Because I'm not making the same mistake twice. I know you like me, hyung, and I know why you don't want to date, but can you at least let me try, please?” Jeongguk bites on his bottom lip and Namjoon very much wants to kiss him.

Namjoon is beyond confused and he doesn't know how Yugyeom being a total jackass to Jeongguk made the younger think he should try to fix things with Namjoon, but Namjoon knows he's in no position to refuse Jeongguk’s offer right now. He can still hear Jimin’s voice telling him to either get his shit together or forget about Jeongguk once and for all.

But Namjoon doesn't want to forget about Jeongguk at all. He doesn't want to forget about the tiny mole underneath Jeongguk’s bottom lip. He doesn't want to forget about the way the younger man’s hair curls around his ears when he lets it air dry because he’s in a rush. He doesn't want to forget how Jeongguk always bites on his bottom lip when he's nervous or when he thinks that he's asking for too much or when he's just shy. He doesn't want to forget about the gleam that forms in his eyes when he gets competitive. He doesn't want to forget the feeling of his hand in his, the sound of his voice. He doesn't want to forget how he sounds like when he sings, when he laughs, and when he slips into his natural Busan dialect. He doesn't want to forget about how Jeongguk looks like a bunny when he eats. And he definitely doesn't want to forget about the way it feels to have Jeongguk close, by his side, and in his arms.

Namjoon doesn't want to forget about Jeongguk.

So, Namjoon, he nods his head and lets Jeongguk pull him close until their chests are bumping against each other and their lips are a hairsbreadth away from one another. Namjoon lets his eyes flutter shut when Jeongguk's soft lips press against his own and he feels a hot flash of something rocket straight towards his groin. He lets Jeongguk lead them to his bedroom and kick off his shoes. Namjoon lets the younger push him into the mattress and straddle his waist and kiss him breathless. He lets his hands pull the younger closer until all he feels is Jeongguk pressed against him and then suddenly Namjoon is pulling his hoodie over his head and he’s guiding Jeongguk’s hands up his undershirt until they're cupping his chest. Namjoon lets the younger kiss him and fondle him, but he doesn't let them go any further than that.

Jeongguk doesn't push it. He knows that this is as far as Namjoon will go and he lets the elder tuck him into his bed with a few good night kisses before Namjoon throws himself onto his couch. Namjoon didn't expect for his day to end so eventfully, but he can't say that he regrets it really. He closes his eyes and lets sleep envelop him for the second time that night.

When he wakes up, he’s greeted by a mess of black hair and a warm body pressed against his on the couch. Namjoon smiles and kisses Jeongguk’s nose before he lets himself sleep for a little while more.

Jeongguk nestles into his chest and sighs into Namjoon’s neck and Namjoon’s really glad the younger didn't wear his special cologne for his date with Yugyeom last night.

  Jeongguk becomes clingy after that.

Namjoon wouldn't mind it if he also wasn't a person who needed their space from to time to time and Jeongguk was always in his space.

He really likes the kid and he likes that they kiss and hold hands now and lay sprawled out across Namjoon’s living room studying and working on homework, but Namjoon needs space. Jeongguk can’t always be wrapped up in his arms and in his apartment and sleeping in his bed with him. It's nice having someone to keep him company when he's at home in his tiny one roomed apartment, but it's terrifyingly domestic seeing Jeongguk in his kitchen more often than Seokjin.

Jeongguk even has overnight clothes in Namjoon’s drawers now. Despite the fact that Namjoon isn’t one hundred percent happy about all the time they spend together, he still washes Jeongguk’s clothes come laundry day.

They aren’t even dating. Not officially, but it's not like Taehyung cares. He's just happy to see his best friend and his boyfriend’s best friend finally happy. Jimin tells Namjoon not to screw it up, but even Yoongi is concerned about how much of his time is spent with Jeongguk. Yoongi understands about Namjoon needing his space, he gets the same way most days and usually locks himself up in the studio until Jimin or Hoseok drag him out, but Namjoon has never had to worry about that. His apartment has always been his place and his alone. Namjoon needing his space is the only reason he and Seokjin don't live together anymore, even though they live in the same apartment complex.

But Jeongguk is always in his space and Namjoon feels like screaming.

Jeongguk asking for a key to his place is when Namjoon finally puts his foot down.

“Gukkie-ah, don't you think we're spending too much time together?” Namjoon is going for the gentle approach, but Jeongguk is overly sensitive so Namjoon has to pick his words carefully.

Jeongguk’s excited grin falls into a pout and Namjoon wants to kiss him until he’s giggling. “What do you mean, hyung?”

“I mean, when’s the last time you hung out with your friends? With Taehyung?”

“Hyung, we saw him yesterday, with Seokjin-hyung when we went out to eat at that diner,” Jeongguk says and tilts his head like he’s confused about why Namjoon is asking him this.

Namjoon sighs and shakes his head. Jeongguk’s resorting to the dreaded “we” now and Namjoon feels his fingertips start to tingle. “When was the last time you hung out with Taehyung, just the two of you, Jeonggukkie?”

“Three weeks ago.”

Namjoon gasps dramatically, aiming for scandalized and probably only reaching comedic. “No wonder Taehyung has been giving me dirty looks. He thinks I'm stealing his best friend and keeping him all to myself.”

Namjoon pulls Jeongguk into his arms and tries to cackle, but ends up choking instead and Jeongguk has to pat his back in between his giggles.

“Hyung! Tae doesn't think that. Are you kidding? He practically moved in with Seokjin-hyung already and they've been dating a month. When's the last time you saw Jin-hyung, just the two of you?” Jeongguk asks, an amused look on his face.

“Five weeks ago,” Namjoon says sheepishly and then a thought strikes him. “Actually, Seokjinnie-hyung wanted me to go to the movies with him this weekend. Said he misses me terribly and hates not being able to see me when he wants anymore.”

Jeongguk nibbles on his bottom lip as he looks up into Namjoon’s face. “He said that?”

Namjoon nods. “Mhhm.”

“I guess I have been keeping you all to myself recently, but it's just thatー” Jeongguk pauses and only continues when Namjoon coaxes him into talking again. “I’m not used to having things to myself. I've always had to share and I-I really like you, hyung, and I didn't think that anybody would m-mind if I took up most of your time.”

Namjoon feels guilty now and undoubtedly so since he kind of just lied to Jeongguk, but Namjoon really needs one night away from him to clear his head and get himself into gear. He needs to think about whether they should make things official or not, but Namjoon needs to think about that away from Jeongguk. Whenever they're together, Namjoon is drunk off the smell, the look, and the feeling of Jeongguk in his arms. Then he goes insane over the fact that all his stuff is being touched by Jeongguk and nothing he owns is sacred anymore, even the packer he never uses. Jeongguk had put that on his head and chased Namjoon around his apartment asking for a kiss until Namjoon tripped on the couch and Jeongguk had to ice his ankle with the damn packer still on his fucking head.

Namjoon needs a clear head if he's going to take a step forward with Jeongguk.

Namjoon kisses the younger, long and sweet and his blood is thrumming in his veins when Jeongguk kisses him back.

When they break apart, Namjoon keeps his eyes closed and lets their noses bump against one another. “Sorry, Gukkie-ah. But I do kind of need this night with hyung. I wanna think about certain things with you not around ‘cause you drive me insane and it's hard to think whenever I have you like this.”

Jeongguk pecks his lips and nuzzles his nose into Namjoon’s cheek. “What is it that you need to think about hyung?”

Namjoon smiles and Jeongguk pokes one of his dimples. “That's for me to know and you to find out.”

The younger man pouts and Namjoon laughs before kissing him again. “That's not fair, hyung.”

“Don't worry, baby.” Namjoon doesn't realize what he just said until Jeongguk is looking at him wide-eyed and in awe.

“What?”

Jeongguk shakes his head. “You called me baby.”

Namjoon freezes. “Did I?”

“Yeah.”

“D-do you mind if I call you baby?” Namjoon asks.

Jeongguk smiles and draws Namjoon closer into his embrace. “No. I like it.”

Namjoon lets out a breath in relief and laughs again. “That's ‘cause you are a baby.”

“Am not!”

“Are too.”

“You're mean, hyung.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Baby,” Namjoon huffs.

Jeongguk just giggles and kisses Namjoon before he walks off into the elder’s kitchen. “Your baby.”

Namjoon doesn't say anything.

  Seokjin readily agrees to the impromptu movie date with Namjoon for that Friday and that makes it easier for Namjoon to breathe whenever he and Jeongguk are together.

Jeongguk cuts back on his time spent with Namjoon though and Namjoon is glad that the younger is giving him some much needed space. Still, whenever Jeongguk isn’t around, he gets a bit antsy and starts twisting the ends of his hair in his fingers.

Namjoon knows he's gotten attached, but Jeongguk is just as attached if the constant Kakao messages from Taehyung about Jeongguk not shutting up about him are anything to go by. It might be a little unhealthy the way they tend to gravitate towards one another, but Namjoon has been waiting really long to have the younger in his arms. He needs his space, he really does, but he’s starting to not mind having Jeongguk around. It's comforting and Jeongguk is nice and he’s warm.

Namjoon thinks he might love him.

It doesn't stop him from knocking on Seokjin's door that Friday night at 20:30 on the dot. Seokjin answers and gives Namjoon a hug that's a bit longer than usual since they haven't been alone together ever since the night of Jeongguk’s date with Yugyeom. Namjoon pats the elder’s back then coughs awkwardly and Seokjin lets him go, his face a bit pink. They walk down the steps and into the garage where Seokjin’s car waits for them.

Seokjin, ever the gentleman, opens Namjoon’s door for him and Namjoon slips inside the car. The elder is quickly buckling his seatbelt in the driver’s side and Namjoon waits silently for Seokjin to start the car, his seatbelt already buckled.

Then they're off and Namjoon laughs when Seokjin smashes his hand on his console to change the radio station since a song he hates came on.

“Shut up,” Seokjin mutters under his breath, his eyes on the road now that the light has turned green.

Namjoon can only laugh louder as he sings off-tune to the rock song Seokjin put on. Seokjin has a small smile on his lips as he drives and Namjoon rolls his window down to let the wind blow through his hair. Seokjin grumbles about his hair being ruined, but Namjoon just laughs again and ruffles the elder’s hair. Seokjin shoots him a disapproving stare until he’s pulling into the movie theatre’s parking lot.

They park and Namjoon links his arm with Seokjin’s as they walk down the steps and make it towards the main exit of the parking lot. Seokjin pauses to stare at his hair in the window of a bar and Namjoon laughs as he helps the elder fix his hair.

“Brat,” Seokjin murmurs before he pulls Namjoon into his side as they walk under the bright marquee displaying the newest movies being shown at the movie theatre.

Namjoon wiggles beside him, not really minding that Seokjin has a hand on his waist since this is their usual way of being together, but now that they both aren’t technically available, Namjoon thinks he should feel weird about the way they look like a couple right now. They’ve always been perceived as one though and Namjoon takes a deep breath and lets it go. Seokjin rubs his thumb into Namjoon’s hips like he can read his mind and he probably does have an idea about what’s on his mind, but he says nothing about it and Namjoon lets the elder lead him towards the short line to buy their tickets.

Seokjin shoves his hand into Namjoon’s back pocket and Namjoon opens his mouth to say something until he realizes that the elder is pulling his wallet out to pay for their tickets.

“That broke, hyung?” Namjoon asks.

“You invited me, so you’re paying,” Seokjin chuckles as he unwraps his arms from around Namjoon and takes out the necessary won he needs to pay for both their tickets.

Namjoon scoffs when Seokjin shoves his wallet back into Namjoon’s back pocket and wraps his arms around the younger again after getting their tickets. “Fine, but you’re paying for food.”

Seokjin grunts and awkwardly pushes Namjoon forward towards the doors. “I’m only buying it now. If you come in to get food during the middle of the movie, you have to pay for it yourself, Joonie.”

Namjoon laughs and pushes Seokjin until the elder is back at his side again instead of uncomfortably plastered to his back. Seokjin pouts and Namjoon pats his cheek before he gives the employee that waits just past the front doors a sheepish smile. Seokjin hands the girl their tickets and waits for her to tear off the stubs and hand them back before he herds Namjoon towards the concession stand. Namjoon lets Seokjin cling to him as they order their food, but tears the elder away from him once they’re being given their nachos and slurpees and salted pretzels with cheese. Seokjin mumbles something about having a sleepover with pizza after the movie’s over. Namjoon chuckles and gives the elder a maybe.

They’re a bit early for their movie, but that means they get first dibs on what seats they want. Namjoon leads the way up the steps to the topmost row of seats and plants himself right underneath the projector. Seokjin sits on his left and hands him his slurpee while Namjoon puts his pretzel in the elder’s lap. Namjoon laughs when Seokjin remembers they forgot to buy popcorn.

“We don’t need it, hyung,” Namjoon chuckles.

Seokjin lets out an overly-dramatic scandalized gasp as he stands up. “Popcorn is a vital factor to having a terrific movie experience. You’re not the dongsaeng I raised.”

Namjoon cackles and Seokjin leans over to press his lips to the younger’s hair. “I’ll be right back, Joonie.”

Namjoon blushes and watches Seokjin leave, barely taking notice of the person who slips into the movie theatre after Seokjin has left. They’re wearing a red hoodie that Namjoon thinks he’s seen before and they move quickly, taking a seat at the end of Namjoon’s row where Namjoon is, like, ninety-five percent sure that person isn’t able to see the trailers that are being shown. He forgets about it when Seokjin returns with a large tub of popcorn and a hand ruffling Namjoon’s hair as he sits down. Namjoon frowns at him and vainly tries to fix whatever damage Seokjin has done to his hair before he lets the elder feed him a tortilla chip lathered in cheese and chili. Namjoon gives him a sip of his slurpee and then he’s made aware of three girls who are sitting in front of them laughing as they turn in their seats to stare at Namjoon and Seokjin.

Seokjin tenses beside him and Namjoon doesn’t like the way the girls are looking at them.

“Just ignore them,” Namjoon whispers, his eyes on his food as he starts to tear his pretzel into tiny, bite-sized pieces.

He dips a piece into his cheese and holds it out for the elder to eat. Seokjin eyes it warily, gives the girls who are still staring at them a heated glare before he leans in and takes the piece of pretzel into his mouth. Namjoon coos appreciatively and wipes at the corner of Seokjin’s mouth with a napkin and Seokjin, despite the staring girls in front of them, smiles and wipes at Namjoon’s nose where chili from his nachos has ended up.

“Cute,” one girl says, practically sending them heart eyes and Namjoon, even in the near dark of the movie theatre can see that the back of Seokjin’s neck is turning red.

Namjoon coughs and thanks every deity out there for the lights finally turning off and the big screen becoming brighter, filled with flashing images that he doesn’t really pay attention to. Namjoon’s not quite sure why Seokjin picked out this movie to watch, but it’s dreadfully boring and halfway through he’s finished all his food. Seokjin gives him a pitying look and hands him a few won to buy a soda from the concession stand. Namjoon smiles and tells the elder to not waste telling him what he missed if he comes back.

He’s hyperaware of the fact that the hooded person is following him, but he chalks it down to coincidence. They may just have to go to the bathroom and when he gets into line, his suspicions are balked when the hooded person makes a beeline for the men’s restroom. Namjoon sighs, inexplicably relieved and orders his soda. He forgets about the hooded person and loiters about for a bit near the concession stand until he sits down on the bench that's in front of the restrooms.

Then Red Hoodie is stepping out of the bathroom and Namjoon almost drops his soda when he realizes it's Jeongguk. He's wearing a fake mustache, sunglasses, and a snapback on under his hoodie. Namjoon would laugh at how ridiculous he looks if he also wasn't just a tiny bit pissed off.

“Jeongguk-ah.” Namjoon’s voice is rough and there's a tenor to it that shows he's mad.

Jeongguk stills and reluctantly sits down with Namjoon on the bench when the elder pats the empty space beside him. Jeongguk sits on the far end of the bench and Namjoon sets his drink down so he can glare at him.

“What are you doing here?”

The younger takes his sunglasses off and pushes the hoodie back. Namjoon wants to be mad, he really does, but Jeongguk looks like a knock-off Mario and Namjoon finds it absolutely hilarious.

“Came to see the movie, hyung,” Jeongguk answers timidly.

Namjoon tilts his head to the side and stares at the younger man beside him. “Oh yeah? So you just happened to be here wearing that ridiculous disguise? Sure you're not spying on me and hyung, Jeongguk-ah?”

Jeongguk bites his lip and finally nods his head. “I'm sorry.”

“Why are you spying on us?”

“Becauseー” Jeongguk pauses and takes a deep breath. “Because I thought you two were on a date and the way you've been touching each other tonight only made me think that more. Why do you let hyung touch you like that, but you won't let me?”

Namjoon is definitely pissed. He doesn't have time for this kid’s overactive imagination and he one hundred percent does not have time for Jeongguk’s petty jealousy. Not now or ever. It's not “hot” having the younger be possessive enough to follow him and his best friend to the movies. It's disgusting and it's unhealthy.

“You had no right to follow us, Jeongguk-ah. Just because you're jealous doesn't give you any actual reason to do this. It's gross, Jeongguk-ah. Relationships are about trust and if you're going to get like this,” Namjoon waves a hand at the younger, pointing at his get up, “then I think we should break up.”

“Break up?” Jeongguk’s voice is low. “But w-we aren't even dating, hyung!”

Namjoon crosses his arms over his chest and glares. “And we never will if you keep this up.”

Jeongguk takes off his hat and runs a hand through his hair and over his face. “Hyung, I'm sorry. I was justー”

“You were just what, Jeonggukkie?”

“Scared,” Jeongguk whispers.

Namjoon sighs and holds his hand out for the younger to take. He doesn't like jealousy in a partner, he really doesn't, but he really likes Jeongguk and he knows that he’d really like to date him. If Jeongguk is going to be like this though, then Namjoon doesn't want to waste his time stuck in another unhealthy relationship. He should let the younger man know what he's doing is wrong though. It's wrong to do something this extreme when he's feeling jealous. Namjoon isn't an object, he's a person with a mind of his own and he has feelings. Jeongguk needs to know this.

“Jeongguk. It's wrong to do this. Do you understand that?” Namjoon waits for the younger to nod his head. “I'm not your property. I'm a human being with crazy emotions and I make my own decisions. You can't do this every time I go out somewhere with Seokjin-hyung, or maybe Jimin-ah, or even Tae! It's wrong and it's embarrassing and it makes me mad, Jeongguk-ah.”

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Jeongguk ducks his head and Namjoon thinks he might be crying again, but Namjoon isn’t going to let him off the hook so easily like that.

“Yeah, you’re gonna be sorry. I’m telling hyung and Tae-ah what you did.”

Namjoon uses his free hand to pull his phone out of his back pocket and starts scrolling through Kakao to find his conversation thread with the two men he just mentioned. Jeongguk says nothing and scoots a bit closer as he squeezes the elder’s hand.

“Hyung, I was scared, okay?” Jeongguk begins. “I’ve never dated before and the only times the people I’ve liked have seemed to like me back is when they wanted to use that against me to hurt me. High school was the worst. This one senior I thought was really cute kissed me in front of everybody during gym class then pulled my shorts and underwear down. Taehyung kicked his ass once he heard, but the possibility of Taehyung beating them up hasn’t stopped the other people who pretended to be interested in me.”

Namjoon feels sick now. He understands what Jeongguk means though. Every person he’s ever been with has been toxic for Namjoon and he guesses that he has that in common with the younger. The thought makes his heart churn and Namjoon wants to make sure that no one hurts Jeongguk ever again.

“I know people have been shitty to you in the past, trust me, I understand that much more than you think, but that doesn’t excuse what you did here, Jeongguk-ah,” Namjoon says, still trying to press his point with the younger.

Jeongguk scoots even closer and cups Namjoon’s hand with both of his. “I know it doesn’t hyung and I know you do, but I was scared. I really thought that you and Seokjin-hyung were on a date and I started thinking that maybe you both were just stringing me and TaeTae-hyung along for fun.”

Namjoon’s palm itches and he kind of feels like slapping Jeongguk for thinking so low of him and his best friend, but Namjoon understands, he really does. He’d done this exact thing to Seokjin on his first date with Taehyung and Seokjin had given him a long, long lecture about not thinking the worst about people. Taehyung was nice and he treated Seokjin like a king and Namjoon is still pretty ashamed about following them on their dinner date, but at the time he was just trying to protect his friend. Jeongguk followed them tonight because he was trying to protect his friend and his own heart. Namjoon sighs and pulls the younger closer until he’s sitting on his lap.

“I’m still mad at you, but I can forgive you. You have to promise you won’t do this again, Jeongguk-ah. It’s really unhealthy and I don’t want us to have a toxic relationship. I really like you and I want to be with you, but you have to trust me and my feelings for you. I wouldn’t let anybody kiss me you know,” Namjoon huffs, burying his nose into Jeongguk’s hair. “They have to be really special to me and I don’t like it when people touch me either. I want to make this work with you, but I can’t do that if you don’t trust me, alright?”

Jeongguk nods glumly and nestles himself into the elder’s chest. “Okay. I’m sorry, hyung, I really am. I promise not to do this again. Next time, we’ll talk about it like civilized adults. I was just scared.”

Namjoon laughs. “You have no reason to be scared, baby. I like you and you like me and that’s it. Put your trust in that.”

“Tell my brain that.”

“I’m telling you this, Jeonggukkie. I like you and I want us to date, but we need to talk about a few things.”

“Like what?” Jeongguk asks.

“About how much time we spend together. It’s reallyー” Namjoon bites his lip and pauses before he continues. “It’s really suffocating having you so close and in my space so often. It freaked me out at first, if I’m being honest. I’m a person who sometimes just needs to be alone so that I can function properly, but you were always around and it drove me crazy. Don’t take it as I don’t want you around, because I do want you near me, just not all the time.”

Jeongguk nods. “Yeah, I-I kinda figured, hyung. You’d get this panicky look in your eyes sometimes when I’d go to hug you or when you’d find me in your kitchen making food. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. I promise to cut back on our time together.”

Namjoon kisses the top of his head and hugs the younger man tightly. “Thank you. I really appreciate it. And remember, if you’re worried about anything, you can talk to me and we can discuss it together. That’s what relationships are about.”

“Are you saying that you’re finally ready to date me, hyung?”

Namjoon tilts Jeongguk’s head up, pulls off the fake mustache that he still has on and kisses him. Their lips slot together softly and Namjoon kinda feels like his bigger lips drown Jeongguk’s smaller ones, but it’s fine. Jeongguk still makes his presence known by letting his hand trail up to cup Namjoon’s head and bring it down so he's closer to the younger and breathes out a tiny sigh when Namjoon’s hand grips his waist. The kiss is indescribably soft and Namjoon feels a haze begin to cloud his thoughts as Jeongguk continues to kiss him. Jeongguk is warm and pliant in his arms and Namjoon is suddenly aware of the younger man’s barely there erection pressing into his abdomen as he leans over Jeongguk. Namjoon’s mind flashes to the fact that he doesn’t own a strap-on that’s supposed to be used for sex and then he remembers that Taehyung took his measurements for new pants last week so he can just ask the fashion designer to share those with him tomorrow.

Jeongguk is the first to pull away and there’s a soft smile on his face that makes Namjoon’s heart beat rapidly in his chest.

“Hyung?”

“Hmm?” Namjoon hums.

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

“Okay.”

“Cool.”

“This doesn’t mean I’m not mad about what you did though,” Namjoon says.

Jeongguk smiles and nods. “I understand. I’d be upset as well. Despite that, thank you for agreeing to be my boyfriend.”

Namjoon laughs and kisses the younger again. They sit on the bench and wait for Seokjin to finish watching the movie and stand up together, hand-in-hand, when the elder steps out into the main lobby. He spots them and Namjoon is only slightly surprised to find Taehyung trailing after him.

“Yours came too, huh?” Seokjin asks as he nears them and lifts a brow in question.

Namjoon nods and grunts when the elder throws an arm around his shoulders and turns them so that they’re facing their boyfriends. “Whatever shall we do with them?”

“I don’t know about you, but a massage sounds really good right about now,” Namjoon murmurs wickedly and slips his arm around the elder’s waist as they start making their way towards the exit.

Seokjin laughs. “You read my mind.”

The two older men laugh when Jeongguk and Taehyung rush to open the doors for them and follow them dutifully outside.

“How’d you guys get here, anyway?” Seokjin asks as they walk towards the parking lot.

Taehyung shrugs. “A cab.”

“Then you can take a cab back,” Seokjin chuckles and waves goodbye as he leads Namjoon towards his car. “See you at my place!”

Namjoon waves at the two younger men with a smirk on his face, but he can tell that they aren’t going to complain. They’re both on thin ice and are being punished for following them tonight, so they are going to do as they’re told.

Seokjin cackles just a tiny bit too gleefully when they pull out from the parking lot and see Taehyung and Jeongguk struggling to get a cab. He shows mercy by pulling over and telling them to hop in before he changes his mind.

Namjoon rolls his window down and sings along off-key to the radio at the top of his lungs with Seokjin as they drive back home.

  His fingers are tingling a little and his knees shake. Namjoon feels like he might just vomit, but he needs to knock on this door and he needs to get his wits together.

Namjoon takes a deep breath and knocks.

Jeongguk opens the door almost immediately, as if he was waiting behind it for Namjoon to knock. He’s wearing a shimmery black dress and Namjoon feels his heart splutter in his chest. They’re going on their first official date and Namjoon feels like he might go insane if he has to look at Jeongguk in that dress all night.

“You look really, really cute,” Namjoon manages to say between his wheezing breaths.

He’s completely thrown off-guard when Jeongguk drags him inside and attacks his lips. The door is being kicked closed behind Namjoon as the younger leads him towards his bedroom and Namjoon is overly excited.

They haven’t been intimate yet, but Namjoon has been prepared for a few weeks now just in case. Except that everything he prepared is back at his place, not in Jeongguk’s dorm room. But before he can really say anything, they’re in Jeongguk’s room, the door locked and Namjoon awkwardly sprawled out on Jeongguk’s bed.

Jeongguk is straddling his lap then and his lips are persistent against Namjoon’s and the elder feels like he’s swimming. Jeongguk is soft and warm and Namjoon is drunk off the feel of him. He really wants to bed the younger, but this is the night of their first date and Namjoon is going to take Jeongguk out for dinner no matter what. So he grips onto the younger man’s wrists and rolls them over so he’s looming over the younger who’s now pinned to the mattress. They’re both breathing heavily and Namjoon swallows, his throat feeling dry as he tries to speak.

“Baby, we’re going to dinner,” Namjoon whispers.

Jeongguk pouts and easily wiggles out of Namjoon’s grip on his wrists. “But I want you, hyung.”

“I know, baby, trust me I know.” Namjoon doesn’t mean to roll his hips down on Jeongguk’s erection, but it kind of, just, happens and the moan Jeongguk makes spikes a hot flash of arousal through Namjoon. “But I promised you a proper date and that’s what we’re going to do.”

“But, hyungー” Jeongguk whines.

Namjoon kisses him softly and rises from the bed. “No buts. We’re going to dinner and then we’re going to go back to my place afterward.”

Jeongguk sits up on his elbow and quirks a brow up in question. “What will we do at your place?”

“Well, I bought a new strap-on, more lube, and a box of condoms with our names on them,” Namjoon says with a straight face as he fixes his shirt. “And maybe we’ll be able to try them out if you behave and let me take you out on a proper date, Jeonggukkie.”

The younger man’s pupils dilate and he nods his head fervently before he gets up from his bed and excitedly takes Namjoon’s hand. “Let’s go!”

Namjoon laughs and lets Jeongguk drag him towards the door where he has to stop and remind the younger that his semi is noticeable in the dress. Jeongguk blushes and Namjoon takes off his jacket so Jeongguk can hold it in front of him as they walk out into the dorm’s hallway and steadily make their way outside where Seokjin’s car awaits them. Seokjin let Namjoon borrow it for the night and is supposed to knock on the elder’s door as soon as they get to his place to return the keys. Namjoon isn’t sure he’ll get the chance to do that though since Taehyung is supposed to be over tonight and he knows that those two are loud when they get together. He shakes his head and pushes the thought away to open Jeongguk’s door for him and waits until his boyfriend is properly seated before he shuts his door. He quickly walks around to his side of the car and climbs in. Then they’re off and halfway through the ride, Jeongguk gives Namjoon his jacket back.

He doesn’t say anything, he does his best not to laugh, but Jeongguk still pouts once he catches sight of the amused smile on Namjoon’s face.

Neither of the two men say anything until they’re pulling into the restaurant’s parking lot and Namjoon is opening Jeongguk’s door. Jeongguk hesitates and Namjoon leans in to give the younger a peck on the lips.

“If anyone says anything, I will kick their ass. Don’t worry, baby. You look magnificent in that dress. Did Tae-ah make it for you?” Namjoon whispers.

Jeongguk smiles and takes the hand the elder gives him. He steps out of the car and Namjoon closes it behind him before he locks the sleek vehicle. Jeongguk stays close to Namjoon’s side as they walk towards the bright lights of the restaurant.

“Yeah, Tae said the material and shade really suited my skintone,” Jeongguk murmurs.

“Well, he wasn’t wrong,” Namjoon chuckles and then they’re inside and face-to-face with the maitre’d. “The Kims.”

Jeongguk is positively glowing by the time they’re led to their table near the back of the restaurant. Namjoon feels like he isn’t going to make it to dessert if Jeongguk doesn’t stop trying to play footsie with him under the table. Jeongguk just smirks and orders a dish that’s filled with phallic food and takes his time sucking on an array of things as they eat. Namjoon gulps and tries to focus on the fact that no one even looked twice when they saw Jeongguk in a dress.

Namjoon has asked before about whether Jeongguk may identify as a girl, but Jeongguk had told him that wasn’t the case at all. He just likes skirts and dresses and he likes being a boy too. Namjoon had nodded, he understood, and they hadn’t talked about it again. He has to admit, Jeongguk looks really, really handsome in his new dress as well so he tells the younger this and theyー

They end up skipping dessert.

  Jeongguk bounces as he flops onto Namjoon’s bed, the skirt of his dress is hiked up around his thighs and Namjoon’s shirt is unbuttoned as he climbs atop the younger.

Namjoon lets his lips press briefly against Jeongguk’s chapped ones before he’s taking off the rest of his shirt and slips out of his jeans as well. Jeongguk sits up to push Namjoon’s briefs off and looks up at the elder in question when he reaches for his binder. Namjoon nods and Jeongguk smiles before he peels it off the elder and lets his tongue stroke the pert, brown nipple of Namjoon’s right breast. Namjoon groans and brings the younger closer.

The mattress shifts under their weight as Jeongguk turns them over so that Namjoon’s head is resting on the pillows now. This is the first time that Namjoon has been naked in front of someone ever since he really became a man. This is also the first time that Namjoon has had sex in over two years.

There’s a feeling in his chest that engulfs him when Jeongguk stands to let the dress slide down his figure and Namjoon’s mouth is left watering. Jeongguk wears nothing underneath the shiny material and Namjoon isn’t sure how he didn’t notice that before.

Jeongguk’s naked body makes Namjoon’s mouth go dry. Namjoon is aware that the younger man exercises and weight lifts sometimes, when he has the time at least, but seeing the proof of it right in front of him makes Namjoon go weak in the knees. Jeongguk’s abdomen is toned and lined and all the elder can think about is licking it. Jeongguk’s body is lanky and muscular, but it's barely noticeable and Namjoon is a hundred percent certain that Jeongguk could pick him up and throw him clean across the room if he wanted to. Namjoon wants to mark up the V lines leading towards Jeongguk’s groin with tiny little love bites just to prove to anybody else who sees them that yes, Namjoon was there and Namjoon will be the only one there for a long time, thank you very much.

“Wow,” Namjoon lets out appreciatively.

Jeongguk smiles and slowly straddles Namjoon’s legs. “Wow yourself.”

And Namjoon, despite always being the one to be so collected, blushes like a schoolgirl and hides behind his hands. Jeongguk laughs and kisses his chin and forehead and whatever else he can reach before Namjoon is laughing too and his hands have fallen away from his face.

Their lips slot together with a strange squelching sound that Namjoon wants to laugh at, but is too busy drowning in his feelings for Jeongguk to really do so.

It scared him before. To let himself feel what he already knows. He likes Jeongguk more than he should, but it isn't one-sided and it's far from unbalanced. Jeongguk is right here with him. Not in front leading, or behind following Namjoon’s lead.

Jeongguk is beside him and over him and under him and all around.

They're matched and perfectly paired.

The realization makes it easier for Namjoon to let Jeongguk help him into the harness and put the strap-on correctly. The realization makes it easier for Namjoon to focus on Jeongguk and the telltale signs his body is giving while Namjoon pleasures him. The realization makes it easier for Namjoon to lay there on his bed, naked, and let Jeongguk stare as much as he wants without a hint of self-loathing marring Namjoon’s thoughts.

The realization makes it easier for Namjoon to accept that he's in love and he isn't scared anymore.

After Namjoon’s been buckled into his harness properly, Jeongguk suckles on the toy, keeping eye contact with Namjoon as he does. Namjoon doesn't exactly feel it when Jeongguk’s mouth sinks lower on the toy, but Namjoon does feel it in a strange way. It's the same way that someone is aware of when the soles on the bottom of their shoes are skimming across pavement or grass or sand or hard packed dirt and even gravel. It's the same way that someone is able to tell when their hair is caught on something or when they feel the slightest touch of a fingertip caress the tips of their strands. It isn't any different, Namjoon thinks, but the effect is. The effect is Namjoon left gaping as Jeongguk takes pleasure in deepthroating Namjoon’s strap-on.

He takes his time stretching Jeongguk open once the younger has let the strap-on slip from his mouth. Jeongguk doesn't complain. He merely whines and groans and bucks his hips downwards to meet the crook of Namjoon’s fingers scissoring him and pressing against the spot that makes Jeongguk keen the most. It's awkward doing it while Namjoon lies flat on his back, but Jeongguk is flexible enough for it to be doable. Jeongguk is fucking himself on three of Namjoon’s fingers and Namjoon doesn't think he's ever been this aroused before in his life.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk groans. “Hyung, Iー”

Namjoon stills his fingers and stares at the younger who’s still moving, still riding Namjoon’s digits. “Tell me what you want, baby.”

“I want you.”

“You have me,” Namjoon whispers.

When Jeongguk smiles, it's like the dawn has risen over a new day and Namjoon can’t quite catch his breath. There's a glowing flush spreading across Jeongguk’s cheeks too. Namjoon can only stare as the younger rolls a condom on him, slicks him up with a bit more lube and slowly lowers himself atop the toy.

Namjoon cries out when Jeongguk leans down and bites his nipple. It sends a rush of arousal and slight pain through his system and then he feels the pressure of the younger’s weight on his hips and he knows that Jeongguk is moving. Namjoon should help, he should put some effort into this as well, but all he can really do is wiggle underneath Jeongguk. Jeongguk’s face is a light pink and covered in a barely there sheen of sweat and Namjoon thinks he looks gorgeous.

“H-hyung.”

“Hm?” Namjoon hums.

Jeongguk bites his lip and Namjoon takes it upon himself to kiss the younger’s lip free. Jeongguk blushes and gyrates his hips back onto the toy, letting out a moan that sets Namjoon’s skin on fire.

“C-Can I eat you out once I come?”

Namjoon feels his heart stop beating. Jeongguk stares at him, his hips stilling once he catches sight of the look on the elder’s face.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?” Namjoon hears himself speak.

“Did you hear me?”

“Uh huh.”

“Are you okay with it?”

“Yes,” Namjoon breathes.

Jeongguk bites his lip and starts to move his hips again. “Are you sure?”

“Hell yeah.”

Jeongguk sighs, relieved, and pulls his knees up so that his hands are clamping down on Namjoon’s thighs now. He bounces on the toy and Namjoon groans as Jeongguk’s weight lands on him.

“Oh, fuck,” Namjoon groans when Jeongguk picks up his rhythm and keens.

It comes as a shock to Namjoon when Jeongguk moans, “Hyung, your cock feels s-so good.”

Namjoon doesn’t realize that he’s pulling the younger man down to grip his neck and throw an arm over his back until Jeongguk cries out. Namjoon has him pinned to his chest as his hips begin to move and pick up speed. He vaguely feels Jeongguk’s fingernails running across his shoulders, but Namjoon is too focused on finding the younger man’s prostate to really care. He pulls Jeongguk up a bit by the knees and pushes his way into the younger harshly, smiling when Jeongguk curses above him.

He's found Jeongguk’s prostate.

There’s sweat beading on his face as Namjoon continues to push his hips into Jeongguk, but it’s worth it when Jeongguk murmurs, “I’m gonna come, hyung.”

Namjoon keeps his pace and slows when Jeongguk cries out again, tears forming in his eyes, as his orgasm blows over him at full force. Jeongguk spurts out hot, white liquid in between their chests and Namjoon does his best to milk the younger through his orgasm.

Before Namjoon can catch his breath, Jeongguk is unbuckling the strap-on and lowering himself until he’s at eye-level with Namjoon’s crotch.

“Jeongguk-ah, you don’tー” Namjoon begins.

“I know,” Jeongguk interrupts before he smiles up at Namjoon and kisses his inner thigh. “But I want to. It’s only fair that we both get off anyways. So can I, please?”

Namjoon returns the grin and nods his head. “Alright.”

That’s all it takes for Jeongguk to dive right in and run his tongue from Namjoon’s taint up to his clitoris. Namjoon’s hips buck and he groans out as the younger uses his tongue to circle around Namjoon’s clitoris with sharp little movements, doing his best to touch where Namjoon wants him to. Namjoon’s skin feels on fire and watching Jeongguk fuck himself on the toy had been arousing enough that he could feel the sharp pain of his arousal, but it’s touching how persistent Jeongguk is on pleasuring Namjoon as well. He’s never had a partner like Jeongguk before and he hopes that he’ll never have to find a new one as well.

Jeongguk isn’t as inexperienced as Namjoon thought. He uses the rough pads of his fingertips to stimulate the elder and lathes his tongue where Namjoon is sensitive the most, grabbing hold of the lube that Namjoon hands to him soon after. Namjoon is taken aback at how skilled Jeongguk is and Jeongguk smirks up at him with a gleam in his eyes as he dribbles lubricant into his palm and blows on it to heat it up before he runs his hands all over Namjoon to drive him even closer to his own oncoming orgasm.

“Mm,” Jeongguk hums once he presses the flat of his tongue to Namjoon's crotch again. “You taste amazing, hyung.”

Namjoon grips the younger’s hair and pulls him closer to his groin, his toes curling with pleasure as Jeongguk continues with his ministrations. He cries out and feels his hips begin to move to match Jeongguk’s movements, feeling as if he's going crazy, and pretty soon Namjoon's orgasm crashes over him like waves beating upon the shore.

It’s intense and it’s hot and Namjoon doesn’t really know what’s going on because Jeongguk is still toying at his folds where the elder is considerably dripping a bit with the lube from before.

Then it’s over and Jeongguk is slowly pushing them into the shower where they help each other clean up and Namjoon props himself against the shower wall because his knees are still shaking.

Jeongguk laughs and kisses him and Namjoon kisses him right back.

  By the time that Namjoon is graduating, he and Jeongguk have been together for almost four months.

Namjoon should probably be worrying about whether his relationship with the younger will last now that they don’t attend the same university anymore, but he doesn’t. Namjoon’s been offered a position as a teacher’s aide for the English department and after two years of experience, he can try aiming for a teaching position as a Linguistics professor. It’s rare for a student to be taken on so suddenly, Namjoon knows that, but he also knows that the school appreciates his work and is heavily considering his potential enough that they’re willing to forgo all the rigorous requirements he should have fulfilled before becoming a professor. Jeongguk congratulates Namjoon on his achievement and they go out to celebrate with the others.

Seokjin and Taehyung are attached at the hip, in the midst of the whirlwind of their relationship. Yoongi, Jimin, and Hoseok act like an old married couple. Jeongguk grips Namjoon’s knee underneath the table and Namjoon is really glad to have these people by his side.

Everyone is doing well. Seokjin is working on getting a loan for the theater he wants to open up downtown and Yoongi’s songs have been picked up by a record label so he now works as a songwriter and producer. Hoseok is already making plans for the dance studio he wants to open up once he graduates from the university next year and a year after that, Jimin will join him. Taehyung’s designs have been noticed by one of his role models and his parents are finally going to let him drop out of school so he can really chase his dreams. Taehyung assures them all that he’s going to take his classes online though so he can at least have his degree. And Jeongguk, he plans to join Seokjin’s theater and Hoseok’s dance studio once he graduates in two years time.

Namjoon is glad they all have good things going for them and that they all have a plan about what they’re going to do with their lives.

That joy seems to pale in comparison to the joy of Namjoon realizing that Jeongguk has been slowly moving in over their few months spent together.

Namjoon hadn’t realized that Jeongguk’s red toothbrush or his favorite brands of shampoos and conditioners are in the bathroom. He’d barely noticed that Jeongguk’s shoes seem to clutter up his front door or that some of Jeongguk’s favorite things to eat are hidden away behind foods that Namjoon would never even dream of touching in the cupboards, pantry, and fridge. There’s more of Jeongguk’s clothes in Namjoon’s drawers and his closet and Jeongguk even washes both their clothes once laundry day comes around. The sweet old lady that lives next door to Namjoon is on a first-name basis with Jeongguk and often bakes him cookies that are honestly not half-bad.

Jeongguk spends more time over at Namjoon’s place than he does at the apartment he and Taehyung always share over the holidays, that Namjoon just got used to it.

He got used to waking up beside the younger man most mornings, sometimes naked, but usually not. He got used to brushing his teeth alongside Jeongguk when they get ready for the day and when they get ready for bed. He got used to seeing Jeongguk in his kitchen and on the couch watching a movie and lying on his stomach on the floor as they play a board game, or when they slept on the floor three nights in a row because of finals, or when they’re both reading. It was just natural to Namjoon when he came home late one night and found Jeongguk already asleep in bed, a bit of drool slobbering down from the corner of his mouth.

Namjoon got used to Jeongguk being in his space. It didn’t feel wrong anymore and it didn’t make the elder feel suffocated either.

It’s easy for him to shove a copy of the key to the apartment into Jeongguk’s hand on one summer morning. Jeongguk doesn’t say a word. He merely smiles and gives Namjoon a peck on the cheek before he strings the key onto his Iron Man lanyard.

Namjoon smiles and holds him after that.

He holds Jeongguk close for a long, long time.

[evak-fic-rec-turtleanon]

Evak Fics - Sports

Any kind of sports or physical activity. Swimming. Skiing/Snowboarding. Football. Hockey. Others. I have a separate list for dance aus.

***** SWIMMING *****

Summer nights by Alwaysevak2121 (1k words) - Summer night, heat and swimming.

Sommernatt by Bewa (5.1k words) - The only thing that kept his mood up today was that it was Friday, and Even had promised him a surprise when he got home from work. Birthday.

cupid by evak1isak (5.2k words) - Isak, a water polo player and uni student, didn't think that he'd bump into his high school crush again. When he does, he wasn't expecting so much drama in his life.

from an earth to its sun by traumatic (18k words) - the entire world goes to bed normally and wakes up with glowing countdowns above their heads. No one's sure what causes the numbers to drop, only that when they hit 0, you hit the ground.

Drowning in your love by depressed_mermaid_53 (62k words) - Even is captain of the swim team. Isak and the boy squad join the team. In this universe a pool is a bigger part of their story.

Panic And Patch Me Up by intothewind (70k words) - (5/6 chapters posted) Swimmer Isak, Boxer Even and Boxer Jonas. Involves Josak. The thing with Jonas is complicated, but the thing with Even isn't making it any easier.

***** SKIING/SNOWBOARDING *****

Sprained Ankles, Netflix and Chill by Bellakitse (1.1k words) - Isak sprains his ankle while on a school ski trip, Even keeps him company in the main cabin.

Hot Chocolate and Snow Angels by GayaIsANerd (1.2k words) - Isak hates skiing. There’s nothing deep or traumatic about it, he just hates skiing.

Suck My Board Bitch by nyicris (1.3k words) - When Isak and Even go on a ski trip to Switzerland with their squad, they meet another LGBT couple. They don’t get competitive. At all. E!Online Poll AU + henrik’s extra ass (wow this brings back a lot of memories!)

From A Safe Distance by MinilocIsland (1.4k words) - Isak hasn't bothered to watch skiing for years. Or, so he claims. Even knows him too well not to sense the truth.

The First Noel by colazitron (1.9k words) - Even's parents have a cabin in Hemsedal where the family traditionally spends Christmas. This year, Isak's coming with.

Just Kids When We Fell In Love by wyoheartsmusic (5k words) - Isak and Even go to university 3000 km away from each other. Luckily, it's Christmas break and they had the brilliant idea to go on a cabin trip together.

Shred by Jules1398 (23k words) (SERIES, 2 FICS) - There were two versions of Isak Valtersen. The first Isak was the one that his friends knew. The second Isak, the real Isak, was trans, gay, and then there was his five year-old son, Adrian. Keeping the two Isaks separate wasn't that difficult. At least, not until he saw Even again.

Cabins, Coziness and Conspiracies by evakuality (24k words) - Isak and Even have to share a bed, their friends are strangely obsessed with their lives and things are not exactly as they might appear. Cabin ski trip.  

My Very Personal Ski Trainer by Crazyheart (28k words) - Sana has invited Even and her other friends to a Holiday cabin trip, and Even needs to get in shape so that he can beat his buddies in Sana’s planned ski race.

Different, but same by Crazyheart (31k words) - Isak and Even had broken up almost a year ago, and Even was devastated. He tried to get over it and went on a ski holiday with Yousef and Elias. He met a guy that looked like Isak, except his dark, buzz cut hair, well trained body and rough, charismatic personality. The fact that he called himself Markus Simensen was even more confusing... Even started to doubt who the guy was but of course... he had to be Isak.

***** FOOTBALL *****

Norway. A Summer's Tale by wyoheartsmusic (7k words) - Isak, as the first openly gay footballer and newly recruited teammate on Norway's National Squad, travels to Russia for the FIFA World Cup 2018

Chapter 3 of take me into your loving arms by diminuendodaydream (955 words) - The Pat is a hug that is all about friendship and camaraderie.

Take Me As I Am by givemesumaurgravy (9.9k words) -  Isak is the coach of Even’s daughter’s football team and Even likes Isak’s bum. One day there’s a parent football game and Isak, just maybe, starts hitting on Even and, just maybe, Even gives in.

Hail Mary Pass by thekardemomme (20k words) - the term hail mary pass has become generalized to refer to any last-ditch effort with little chance of success. sleeping with isak valtersen until time starts running out is what causes even to realize just how vital these passes can be. American football

i didn't mean to kiss you (you didn't mean to fall in love) by shadesofcool (24k words) - football/cheerleader au with not much football and cheerleading because i(the writer) only know the basics

If You Love Me, If You Hate Me by MacksDramaticShenanigans (44k words) - (9/11 chapters posted) Isak could be chill. He was the chillest. He was a mature, reasonable adult that was perfectly capable of controlling his emotions. Not even Even could ruin that.

we've made it this far, kid by everythingislove (straykid) (60k words) - Isak is just trying to raise his nephew as best he can with the help of his best friends. He doesn't expect to fall for Felix's gorgeous football coach along the way.

And at night I dream of golden curls and pink hair bands by Zabn (80k words) - WIP. Last update Oct 2019. Even swore himself to never get involved with a football player ever again, but then he meets Isak...

***** HOCKEY *****

it started with a kiss by pansexuaIeven (1.8k words) - Chris surprises Isak with tickets to a hockey game. Things don't work out as planned, but maybe they still end up okay in the end.

"So, it was you?" by Julieseven (2.4k words) - Isak is an amateur hockey player and Even kind of falls for him from afar

Checking From Behind by DickAnderton (156k words) - Isak is to captain his hockey team this season which means he has to somehow learn to cooperate with the newest addition to their team: Even Bech Næsheim.

Checking From Behind. 2809. by DickAnderton (102k words) - Sequel.  Isak has been drafted to potentially play hockey for the KHL in Helsinki. Even is soon going to face his abusive coach in court. 

***** OTHERS *****

Seriøst? by CiaraSky (716 words) - Isak and Even go ice skating.

Fireworks by multifeelings (1k words) - Just how a baseball game brings two boys together in a different way than you may think.

powerslide by evak1isak (1.6k words) - Summer is boring and Jonas teaches Isak how to skate. And at the park, Isak meets Even.

Brunch Dates and Basketball by waitineedaname (2.5k words) - In which Sana and Yousef host a double date with Isak and Even. Basketball 

Flying High by colazitron (3k words) - Isak Valtersen has announced his retirement from the quidditch pitch and, ahead of his last World Cup, sits down for an interview with Magical Norway's quidditch correspondent Even Bech Næsheim.

Off the Backboard. by Samanthaa23 (3.8k words) - Isak and Even meet for the first time during a basketball game between Bakka and Nissen. They don't meet again until 5 years later at a charity basketball game.

Beer Pongs and Mistletoes by yllawonders (5.2k words) - Then somehow they ended up arm wrestling and this time Even won’t pretend to lose because Isak thinks he is a tough guy when he knows and he will prove it today that he is in fact, a big fat softie.

the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes by ikerestrella (5.9k words) - Set six months after the events of Season 3. They are on a hiking trip, and Isak definitely did not get them lost in the woods. 

Slippery Slope by Laika_the_husband (11k words) - the guys wrestle in sun oil and the Balloon squad shows up.

scarves of red tied 'round their throats by puddingandpie (15k words) - The last time Isak saw Even, he was sweaty and naked underneath him, only to pack up and leave the next morning. Now, they're together at the Winter Olympics, a coincidence which was never going to be a coincidence considering Isak was well aware of the profession that Even was in as well. Figure skating, snowboarding, hockey, skiing...  

Head Over Heels by LostInAdmiration (46k words) - Isak wished for the hundredth time that his stupid friends could just be normal so that he could go home and bundle himself in his duvet and re-watch Breaking Bad again, instead of spending all of his spare time outside in a pathetic excuse for a skate park.

Breaking Free (Outta the Closet) by valtersass (58k words) - (11/12 chapters posted) Isak, the popular captain of the basketball team, and Even, the brainy and beautiful member of the academic club, break all the rules of Hartvig Nissen society when they secretly audition for the leads in the school's musical. HSM au

Next to you, is where I call home by LostInAdmiration (101k words) - “Why don’t you start track too? You’d be a good sprinter, I’m sure you’d do great,” suggested Isak. Isak wasn’t entirely sure why he asked - he mostly liked being alone and he barely knew Even - but there was just something about Even that had drawn Isak to him.

The trip to you by charlyflowers (148k words) - Isak hates Even. He hates him with all his heart. What a pity the art class is also coming to the trip to Germany. Volleyball.

To Proudly Bleed These Colors From My Veins by Evensleftbigtoe_91 (164k words) - WIP. Last updated Aug 2019. Mixed martial artist Isak's dream is to feel the weight of a UFC Title Belt across his waist. But Isak has a long and difficult path in front of him. (I haven't had the chance to read this yet so I'm not sure if Evak is the main or endgame pair. But this fic sounds really cool.)

[amoebo-id]

a o t d !!!

no more than 1 release per artist to keep it interesting. selection and ranking is arbitrary and would prob be wildly different if i did this tomorrow. also i only went down to #42 cause everything after that didn’t feel like real aotd status - at least as far as the specific relationships i built over the past 10 yrs with the music i was listening to

#1 laurel halo quarantine

nobody did machine-body dialectic like laurel halo in 2012. i loved everything else from her this decade too but every time i listened to Carcass it made me leave my body physically. absolutely unreal album art too

https://laurelhalo.bandcamp.com/track/carcass-2

#2 e+e the light that you gave me to see you

2012 was a good year. pop/ambient/noise/radio-dj-tag sound collage ascended to spiritual intensity. makes you feel like a child experiencing awe. also fire-gut used to have probably my favorite music video ever but i think it’s gone now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-p-SSuwW9cw

#3 ilovemakonnen 5

not to be confused with Drink More Water 5, this one’s from 2010 during his mostly-forgotten diy outsider-pop phase. off-key singing and amateur beats and the sheer absolute joy of making cool songs. all 5 are perfect

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORKpg_-z0Mk

#4 macintosh plus floral shoppe

would’ve made top 10 on album art alone. music, aesthetics, and cultural impact are inseparable here but going back to the album reminded me just how engaging its 2010s-updated chopped-and-screwed sound is, musically not just conceptually

https://vektroid.bandcamp.com/track/420

#5 jason lescalleet this is what i do 17

hard to pick a favorite from jason lescalleet’s semi-monthly document of his electroacoustic / field recording / tape loop practice but i’ve cried to multiple tracks on tiwid 17 so it gets the nod. couldn’t find any of them online so here’s something else of his

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t33x8OOm68E

#6 barrio sur बड़ा शोक (heart break)

dedekind cut guy’s weird one-off side project ended up being my favorite thing to come out of the last few years’ obsession w cowboy/western/country music/aesthetics. pure mystery

https://soundcloud.com/user-366783613/redemption-7inch

#7 cities aviv come to life

i think maybe people thought cities aviv was just another no-flow pseudo-”conscious rap” type rapper in 2014 but actually this album is nuts. hyper-energetic vaporwave rap? what if death grips were happy? idk

https://citiesaviv.bandcamp.com/track/url-irl-2

#8 beach boys the smile sessions

this cool fresh 1960s rock myth arrived fully formed and way more fun than the other ones. brian wilson’s concepts and songwriting got so unwieldy we had to wait 50 years to hear the sessions. i don’t care about conversations about his genius or whatever these songs kick ass

https://oldmasterpainter.bandcamp.com/track/surfs-up

#9 mindspring memories & intl. debris international memories

did this really only come out in 2017? i feel like i’ve been listening to it since i was born. tangential lateral kind of wormhole out of vaporwave into two meditative spiritual infinite-feeling loops that perfectly complement each other

https://noproblematapes.bandcamp.com/track/sad-horizons

#10 nyege nyege tapes sounds of sisso

absolutely obnoxiously insanely high energy high pitch high bpm dance music. i can’t believe this isn’t what people mean when they say future bass. set me down the path of historical and contemporary non-”global north” ideas about dance/rhythm/bass which i’m still on

https://nyegenyegetapes.bandcamp.com/track/mshamba-video-mster

#11 blithe field face always toward the sun

the most gorgeous implementation of the sorta-ambient guitar-looping vignette aesthetic. is this a real trope or did i listen to this album so much i convinced myself it was a thing? for me this is the sound of what its like to feel completely content with life and at ease in the moment

https://blithefield.bandcamp.com/track/zen-den

#12 anohni hopelessness

listening to this album and singing along while driving my car made me feel absolutely disgusting. unbelievable hooks, grossly hi fi sound design, and overblown drama add up to imo a scary effective type of explicitly political or ‘protest’ music

https://anohni.bandcamp.com/track/drone-bomb-me

#13 21 savage, offset, & metro boomin without warning

why is these 3 pop stars’ vaguely halloween-themed one-off collab my favorite trap album? 21 savage, offset, and metro boomin were all wildly corny in different ways but everything was perfectly balanced. i hope metro boomin makes like one seriously ambient album next decade

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWv-bR_X-VM&list=PLC1uUM4twa8i6zsD_Sn1LRUq4vhl_PLCx&index=11&t=0s

#14 laura les big summer jams 2018

‘crying in the club’ type bangers with no fear of ugliness and no fear of beauty and no fear of wildly unfashionable tropes like skrillex-y dubstep and guitar solos. so much input from other trans/queer artists it felt like a big t4t party

https://osno1.bandcamp.com/track/the-river-feat-scum-yung-skrrt-and-99jakes

#15 triad god nxb

the other triad god tape from 7 years later is just as good. what was this man doing in the intervening time? i just imagine him riding london public transit while it rains or something. i love knowing that most of his cantonese spoken-word/rap parts are insults and jokes rather than like, melancholy observations

https://soundcloud.com/hipposintanks/triad-god-remand

#16 dj koze knock knock

what if pop music sounded like this? somehow every song on here is wildly danceable, wildly sing-alongable, and also wildly detail-oriented. feels like a transmission from an alternate present where things are okay

https://djkoze.bandcamp.com/track/club-der-ewigkeiten

#17  ocora world of traditional music

box set of “world music” recordings from the label that french electronic composer pierre schaeffer started in the 1950s as a project to teach people in rural west africa how to dj. ethnography can be a fucked up idea but afaik ocora is one of the good ones and if you can sorta try to disengage from the tropes/cliches that get imposed on it, the music is phenomenal. hard to find a track specific to this box set but here’s another from the label

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJm8rn6gW5I

#18 oneohtrix point never replica

opn feels like an artist i’ve ‘grown out of’ i guess but samples never felt more alive or more dead than they did on replica. set a template for the kind of melancholy ‘soundscape’-y vibe that i spent years trying to find more of after

https://oneohtrixpointnever1.bandcamp.com/track/power-of-persuasion

#19 rihanna anti

the most perfect imaginable pop album. i keep trying to move it higher up. i almost put club chai vol 1 on this list purely cause of the Woo remix but then i remembered the original is better

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dDCUKElEwk

#20 colleen a flame my love a frequency

colleen’s ultra deadpan singing and wriggly rhythmic synth put me in a trance. everything sounded dry as hell even though it was covered in reverb. i think maybe some people were put off by the corny song names and lyrics

https://colleencolleen.bandcamp.com/track/separating

#21 dj paypal drake edits

back when drake seemed like a sorta-shitty dude rather than seriously creepy, dj paypal used the power of footwork to expose both the melancholy-ambient modality and the serious-bass-music modality latent in his voice and beats

https://mallmusicinc.com/track/brand-new

#22 huerco s. for those of you who have never (and also those who have)

not really as ambient as it first seems imo, but rather like a really intense focus on what we mean when we describe things as ‘static’ or ‘dynamic’. i know it’s corny but i wanna say these tracks are fully both and fully neither

https://brianleeds.bandcamp.com/track/promises-of-fertility

#23 girls rituals reddishness

for a track so deliberately shitty-sounding I Know had no right to be so fucking danceable. persona and production synthesized into the only ‘singer-songwriter’ music i could really get into

https://temporaryenjoyment.bandcamp.com/track/i-know

#24 chromatics kill for love

fakeass 80s retro melancholia digitized and pushed so far past pastiche it turned into pure slime. the phone call in There’s A Light Out On The Horizon came straight from the void

https://soundcloud.com/johnnyjewel/chromatics-kill-for-love-album

#25 actress ghettoville

the only genuinely post-apocalyptic music. specifically the postapocalypse in wall-e but if there was no wall-e to clean it up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcCPdfUFq6k

#26 playboi carti die lit

every beat on this album was reducible to a 4-second loop that perpetually demanded its own repetition and playboi carti somehow knew exactly what to do with them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2pjiKmhlAI

#27 charli xcx vroom vroom

the charli xcx that came after this was fun, but there was black hole levels of power compacted into when she said vroom vroom on Vroom Vroom

https://soundcloud.com/vroomvroomrecordings/charli-xcx-vroom-vroom

#28 pacific breeze: japanese city pop, aor & boogie 1976-1986

it’s kind of amazing to think that this compilation only exists because vaporwave aesthetics made ‘japanese grocery-store kitsch from the 80s’ a marketable thing in the us. anyway every single one of these is an absolute bop

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl91bvEKj20

#29 young thug barter 6

i can’t get enough of listening to young thug’s voice. i’ve seen his rhythmic-melodic-textural sensibility described as virtuosic and i don’t know really if that term means anything but it feels right to me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg9ZxQKSDuw

#30 magic eye babylon

smeared dreamy lo-fi guitar music w wistful buried melodies pushed to an extreme. every song sounded the same and i wish there was more than the one cassette

https://magiceye.bandcamp.com/track/flame

#31 tirzah devotion

you could say this was ‘stripped down’ r&b but i think more accurately what separated it was that every sound stood exactly and only for itself

https://tirzah.bandcamp.com/track/basic-need

#32 mount eerie clear moon

it’s amazing how well mount eerie navigated the move from a lo-fi sound/mode/affect to a hi-fi sound/mode/affect. clear moon wasn’t his first attempt but it was the one that most embodied the feeling of the new possilibities that had been opened up

https://pwelverumandsun.bandcamp.com/track/through-the-trees-pt-2

#33 kelela aquaphoria

this mix was such a good idea it immediately seemed shocking nobody else had tried afaik. and kelela executed it so well you forgot the tracks already existed in other contexts

https://soundcloud.com/kelelam/aquaphoria

#34 james ferraro skid row

not sure what it means that the only james ferraro i really love is also the one i think of as the least abstract/conceptual. his recited lyrics had a rare spoken-word-poetic power

https://breakworldrecords.bandcamp.com/track/to-live-and-die-in-la

#35 salyu x salyu s(o)un(d)beams

absolutely unbounded sense of joy and creativity and possibility hovering between bangers-lite and ‘soundscape’-y electronic manipulation

https://soundcloud.com/snouu/salyu-x-salyu-s-o-un-d-beams

#36 dj rashad just a taste vol 1

double cup got all the press but it was so smoothed-over it could never have done something as absurdly beautiful as Ghost or even Go Crazy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZuHPAbte9U

#37 yves tumor serpent music

i’m sorta put off by the high-gloss sheen of music like this but serpent music somehow had the right combination of total cohesion and a ridiculous density of impactful moments

https://soundcloud.com/pan_hq/yves-tumor-the-feeling-when-you-walk-away-pan-73?in=pan_hq/sets/yves-tumor-serpent-music-pan

#38 maral mahur club

lo-fi beat collage elevated to something that could actually genuinely be called world music

https://astralplanerecordings.bandcamp.com/track/avesta-khani-reggaeton

#39 lucki ecks watch my back

did not expect this super low-stakes sadboy trap to end up on this list but i love his min-effort flow and somehow every beat is exactly the vibe even when the tracks aren’t volume balanced

https://soundcloud.com/boob7/leave-wit-you-prod-plu2o-nash-clams-casino?in=boob7/sets/watch-my-back

#40 arca stretch 2

not sure why i get more out of arca’s nonsense broken-beat non-rap than any of her later projects

https://unonyc.bandcamp.com/track/tapped-in

#41 klein only

a new way to do fucked up noise w pop leanings. ‘audacitycore’

https://klein1997.bandcamp.com/track/pretty-black-2

#42 city arcadia

another mysterious transmission, this time w lots of harp

https://soundcloud.com/halcyon-veil/city-arcadia