#i know he has a good heart and all that. but a squick is a squick

[rubys-domain]

so i finished the first cour of the enstars anime (not including ep 12.5). and... the drama tho. so. much. drama.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Kiss-eki: Dear to Me

*Kicks open door*

SURPRISE BITCHES! I am several days late and hundreds of dollars short, but I did finally *finally* decide to watch Kiseki: Dear to Me in an attempt to add one more show to the Completed Watchlist for 2023. This was a show I was planning on watching a bit earlier, probably closer to the time it was actually airing, because I'd heard it was ridiculous and thought it would be a good show to have on in the background during work. But @ginnymoonbeam had my best interests at heart and told me that I Absolutely Could Not Do That because There Was Body Language Dammit!

If I have not made it clear, THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME, GINNY!

Kiseki was absolutely wild and completely insane if you try to describe a single aspect of the plot whatsoever, but I would have given it a ten off sheer entertainment value if it wasn't for those back to back fake outs with Chen Yi being shot and Fan Ze Riyu being stabbed. But, I digress. I have only seen three things from Taiwan at this point, but those three shows have provided quite a lot of evidence to the claim that Taiwan is nearly unparalleled in their ability to portray domesticity and physical chemistry. I have also heard that Taiwan has a tendency to create content on more taboo subjects, and Kiseki was my first forray in to that side of Taiwan considering Ai Di and Chen Yi are brothers and Bai Zong Yi is a minor when he starts his relationship with Fan Ze Riu. I think both of these subjects were very smartly handled in their set up and their structure. I normally hate the like, adoptive siblings falling in love thing, cause like...that's your sibling, but they don't give us a lot if any flashback to these boys growing up together, and they don't share last names, or really call their adoptive father Dad, so there are quite a number of abstractions in that dynamic that means this is the first time I didn't have a squick about it. And having Fan Ze Riu trying so desperately not to succumb to his feelings for Bai Zong Yi and to put that distance between them, to have Bai Zong Yi be living alone and also be 17 so he's pretty close to legal age, and then to have Bai Zong Yi be the pursuer in their relationship both serve extremely well in making that relationship feel responsibly handled.

I have not been in the tags, so forgive me if this has already been done, but I have not stopped thinking about the first kiss between Ai Di and Chen Yi or the first kiss between Bai Zong Yi and Fan Ze Riu since I saw them and I simply *must* do a scene/body language breakdown about both of them. God, it's good to be back!

[side note: I was going to split this up with funny titles like Cat Boy and Mr. Sulky, but I realized that actually could apply to both couples...]

Ai Di and Chen Yi

Okay FIRST OF ALL, I just want to say that I love Ai Di, I love how ruthless and blood thirsty he is and how incredibly dangerous and scary he could be...if he wasn't so easy to pick up and carry around like a football, or like...a feral, hissing kitten. I am going to focus mostly on the first kiss that Chen Yi initiates with Ai Di because holy shit was there so much complex emotion and reaction packed in to that pretty small moment, but before I do that I am contractually obligated to acknowledge how fucking brilliant it is to show how much/how well Ai Di and Chen Yi know each other, by having Ai Di torture Chen Yi for information by threatening to feed Chen Yi incredibly spicy baby corn AND TO HAVE THAT TACTIC WORK. And to show how much Chen Yi tolerates by having him easily get out of the restraints and tie Ai Di up when he gets bored. Fucking incredible character choice to show how absolutely batshit Ai Di is, fucking incredible relationship choice to show how well Ai Di knows Chen Yi, and fucking incredible choice to use for a call back later. Also, fuck this show for that birthday cake scene! Brutal.

Okay. That said:

You know Ai Di has not for one second stopped loving Chen Yi, and now he is being met with some actual interest from Chen Yi. Chen Yi is full reciprocating what Ai Di has wanted for so long and if this were a typical BL with more simplestic characterization, we would have gotten the moment where Ai Di just melts in to it, fully lets himself have it. Accepts that Chen Yi has woken up, gotten with the program, and is ready to be in a relationship with him. And to be honest, that is what I was expecting. Ai Di has been such a loud and obvious simp for Chen Yi that I thought for a moment he would be the kind of person to let himself have it. To not question it too hard, especially because he is young and impulsive. So imagine my surprise when I got this reaction from him instead:

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Ai Di likes to challenge, likes to push buttons, likes to press. And he starts this scene doing just that. He is on his way to tucking Chen Yi in to bed (folding the edge of the bed spread over him because Chen Yi is drunk off his ass and too heavy for Ai Di to manhandle under the covers. But the second that Chen Yi starts simping over his Boss again, Ai Di stops performing any level of care for Chen Yi, and you can see this little change in his face where he gets annoyed and actually undoes his little moment of care and pulls the bedspread back off of Chen Yi and then he postures and he’s trying to act tough, and he’s needling intentionally, and all of these things where he is trying to be antagonistic to Chen Yi because that is the only way that Ai Di really knows how to express his emotions and he’s butt hurt about Chen Yi once against obsessing over someone Ai Di knows he can’t have when he is right there. 

Now, Ai Di gets manhandled a lot by Chen Yi and while he isn’t able to break out of it, he does very often struggle/fight back to get out of Chen Yi’s grip when he’s been baby carried away from a scene like a sack of potatoes. Which is why I do think Ai Di is giving in to his own feelings a bit here because he…doesn’t do that. He lets Chen Yi pull him closer, he lets Chen Yi push him up against the wall. And he’s still needling but it’s all bark, no bite. When he starts calling Chen Yi impotent his face softens looking up at him. 

And then Chen Yi goes in for the kiss and Ai Di’s eyes go wide, you can see an entire internal monologue running through his head. I am fairly confident there are some what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck’s going through his head when Chen Yi first kisses him. 

gif by @khaotungsfirst

There is a moment, just a moment so quick where Ai Di kisses back, where his heart gets the better of his judgment and he lets himself *have it* for *just* a second, and then his brain snaps back almost immediately and he bites Chen Yi and pushes him away. 

And honestly, I do not understand how actors work, because Ai Di’s face twitches. How the fuck does Louis do that?! He’s out of breath, and his mouth is agape, and he looks horrified, and heartbroken, and confused, but maybe a little hopeful. Like he won’t let himself believe that Chen Yi would actually do this. Like he is thinking Chen Yi is doing this out of pity, or just to shut him up, or mess with him. Because Ai Di messes with Chen Yi all the time.  This is what Ai Di wants. He wants Chen Yi, but now that he is face to face with the possibility he does not have the ability to believe in it. 

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

And in a very rare occurrence he listens to Chen Yi when Chen Yi tells him to get out of his room. The gears are definitely turning, but he simply cannot believe it, and it is so fascinating to me thinking about all these little microexpressive moments we get from Ai Di later on in the show that he really does not believe that Chen Yi kissing him in Episode 6 was Chen Yi actually admitting feelings, because every time that Ai Di tries something like torturing Chen Yi with spicy baby corn, or flirting to try to get Chen Yi to be uncomfortable or to back off, he reacts with genuine confusion when Chen Yi flirts back. 

Case in point: 

gif by @25shadesoffebruary

gif by @shijiujun

Bai Zong Yi and Fan Ze Riu First Kiss

It’s really interesting for me to compare this kiss to the Ai Di and Chen Yi kiss because they feel like completely mirrored (read: reversed) reactions. Where Ai Di leans in to his kiss for a moment for a moment and then forces himself to push away, preventing further intimacy, Fan Ze Rui forces himself to push away for a moment and then leans in to it, allowing the intimacy to proceed.

gif by @alejunsu

The set up is incredible, and in my opinion, foreshadows the fake amnesia plot in that Ze Rui is absolutely laser focused on his task (treating Zong Yi’s wounds) and intentionally ignoring everything else because he knows that it is irresponsible for him to initiate a relationship with a seventeen year old. Zong Yi is the first to lean in and go for a kiss, and he lingers at a distance that is respectful but with obvious intent for as long as it takes Ze Rui to look up and notice. There is a split second where Ze Rui’s eyes flit down to Zong Yi’s lips, and then he puts himself right back on task. Zong Yi is not to be dissuaded and goes in for the kiss again. Ze Rui notices, and grabs at Zong Yi’s shoulder to stop him, furrowing his brow in what I would consider confusion and focus, but once again his eyes betray him and he looks back at Zong Yi’s lips. This time without looking away, so Zong Yi continues, leaning in slowly and Ze Rui is drawn in at this point, he is frozen there, he isn’t trying to disengage from the inevitable anymore, unable to rebel against his own desire. 

gif by @alejunsu

Their lips meet, and to me it looks like Ze Rui is shocked, like his brain has short circuited and he doesn’t know where to go from here. It’s like his body is just reacting and reacting before his brain can catch up with the responsibility. He kisses back before his brain has really processed what is happening, and then he knows he shouldn’t be doing this so he tries to push away in the most half-hearteded attempt to be responsible, and a second later he’s abandoned the effort and started engaging more enthusiastically in the kiss. 

I do not fucking know how Hsu Kai does it because I swear to god Fan Riyu was cycling through about a hundred different emotions in this one moment and they were all acting against his physical reaction to the kiss. The way his arm goes out to Bai Zong Yi's shoulder to try to keep physical distance between the two of them, while he is having a full out internal war with himself? Holy fucking shit. It’s really like his brain is going “is this actually happening? Shit yes it is I have to- fuck it” 

gif by @maxescheibechlinichacheli

And at the start of his active participation in the kiss he is still not letting himself have it. I think he is still stuck on the fact that he shouldn’t be doing this, and as a result he pushes Zong Yi back so he can see his face, study it. All it takes is for Bai Zong Yi to go back in yet again to continue their kiss, and then it’s all over for Fan Ze Rui. He’s all in. His hand goes to Zong Yi’s face, to his neck, and before we know it he is pulling himself in to Zong Yi’s lap from the floor so  smoothly. 

Reunion Sex 

I initially was only going to focus on the Ep 6 Ai Di x Chen Yi and the Episode 7 Zong Yi x Ze Rui moments in this post, but I am so in love with the structure of the reunion sex scene that I absolutely had to talk about it. 

Again, I do not understand how actors work because Hsu Kai just knocks it out of the motherfucking park. I love that when Fan Ze Rui rouses from sleep and starts muttering under his breath and engagin with Zong Yi, you don’t need any visual confirmation from the story whatsoever to understand that Ze Rui definitely has actual dreams of reuniting with Bai Zong Yi. And you don’t need that additional confirmation because of how Hsu Kai sells the talking in his sleep moment here when he’s riding on the pills and alcohol. 

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

He blinks through heavy lids and reaches out toward Zong Yi instantly, his smile is absent and dreamy, and unrestrained in a way that genuinely impresses me because I feel like it is hard to pull off acting the kind of drowsy you are when you’re still trapped in the limbo between wake and sleep when you’re not actually experiencing it. Ze Rui’s touches are unrestrained, his eyes are barely opened under their own weight, and he’s loose and droopy still when Bai Zong Yi lifts him in to the hug. Ze Rui’s bones look heavy and his muscles look loose, and he’s not really able to maintain his own structure as a result. Settling back flat pretty quickly have Zong Yi has released him from his embrace. 

And then the light changes and the setting gets dreamier despite the fact that Ze Riu is actually starting to wake up, being reminded this is real, Zong Yi is real with grounded touches that we see in close up. And I am so sad we don’t get to see Ze Rui’s face at the exact moment of the scene when it clicks for him that this is real, because it happens during the close up of the hands (which I am also fine with :D). But when we pull back out into the wider shot, Ze Rui is already sobbing against Bai Zong Yi’s cheek. And Ze Rui tries his damndest to be his normal jokey, smiley self once he knows what is happening is real, because that’s who Zong Yi loves, and that’s who Zong Yi deserves after all the pain he’s suffered for Ze Rui but instead he just…breaks. Y’all I lost it at the way all the strength just falls away from Ze Rui’s voice when he says “kiddo”. How small he sounds when he says he’s sorry. The meekness in his voice during his own apology speaks volumes for how important it is, how much weight it carries. Because Ze Rui knows what happened to Zong Yi over the past four years. He knows all of it. He knows that Zong Yi went to prison to protect him, he knows that Zong Yi got attacked there, he knows that Zong Yi has memory problems now because of it. 

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

He has all of this guilt that is driving the way he interacts with Bai Zong Yi in their interlude here. By the way: “It’s been 1,573 days. Did it hurt?” is joining my list of Incredibly Devastating Lines. And it’s not just because of the line itself, it’s not just because of the way Bai Zong Yi shakes his head no. It’s especially devastating to me because right before Ze Rui asks the question, he slides his hand up to the back of Bai Zong Yi’s head and massages it a little bit with his thumb, like he’s trying to rub at an ache in hopes of getting rid of the pain. It is in no way the focus of the scene, and the action is mostly cut off and regailed to the edge of the screen, but jesus fucking christ it did wonders for me in terms of selling the scene. 

Anyway, Ginny was right, the body language was incredible, and I’m glad I didn’t watch this live or else I’d have gotten zero sleep writing essays every day of the week about some of these scenes

[esther-dot]

Sansa’s entire arc is men lusting after her and Jonsas want Jon to be one of them, too? Can’t she have ONE good relationship with a man???

Sansa’s story has her looking to a prince, knight, hero and each time being disappointed in them. It’s a pattern. All we’re saying is, Martin already decided who the hero who won’t disappoint her is:

Jonsa is not following the pattern of gross men who use and abuse Sansa, it is breaking the pattern.

Sure, it’s messy, but there has to be something complicated about her romance so that Martin can write “the human heart in conflict with itself.” That’s just a reality of how he writes, hence, the fauxcest.

I understand if it’s a squick for some, but I know you can intellectually understand (even if you still do not like it) that Jonsa is about holding up Sansa’s ideals and desires as good, and saying, she’s gonna see her wishes come true.

[brainrockets]

Some of the Suvi critics out there are... something. I mean, I get it if you don't enjoy media because of unpleasantness. I very definitely avoided Succession because it squicked me deeply.

So if Suvi squicks ya out. Like sure fine. But some of the interpretations of Suvi being irredeemable or 'not showing signs' that she might be 'redeemable' are just weird? To me?

I mean. I also was raised in one of the cristofascist American evangelical death cults and had to deprogram and unlearn a lot in my 20s and have done a lot of work to be in a healthy space now so... maybe I just have sympathy for being 20 and just suddenly seeing cracks appear in the way you understand yourself and the world around you?

One thing people seem real perturbed by is Suvi's behavior towards Ame (and Ame's seeming lack of correction of that behavior).

And I think there are a few things at play here.

1. Suvi was raised in a highly ordered hierarchy as a soldier from early childhood.

2. Ame is a witch of the heart and has been handling all manner of village nonsense and nonsense people for years.

3. Suvi has not had ANY sort of psychological safety or release since maybe the Cottage. She is more afraid of Steel than Orima.

4. Ame is worried about Suvi. Worried about the way she killed without trouble. The way she's not allowed herself to express feelings for the most part other than anger.

5. When you have a lot of feelings and no safe way to let them out. They still come out. Usually inappropriately. Often paradoxically they get vented on people you feel safe with. Not to say that's acceptable or good but it is pretty normal?

6. Paradoxically, while Ame is safe to be mad at, perhaps subconsciously, Suvi also views Ame as a threat. And she's not wrong. Ame is a huge threat to her. Ame threatens to upend everything that Suvi believes about herself, about magic, about her world. She also plays by different rules and has actively exposed Suvi to risk by divulging things Suvi wanted to keep private. (Not with malice but definitely flagrantly flouting basic rules because she doesn't know they exist.) She also is a threat to the defenses Suvi has built around herself in the wake of her parents' deaths. The way that she has used the notion of the Citadel's correctness as a shield against the pain of loss.

7. I think Ame has dealt with wounded animals and wounded people fairly regularly in her role as apprentice. I think that Ame knows that wounded creatures snap at someone even if they are trying to help. Snapping back at her isn't maybe the move right now. And she has expressed dissent, she's not leaving her nonsense totally alone. She's just carefully cutting away little pieces of net and tutting at her raging and getting a little closer each time. And when Suvi finally lets herself cry instead of rage, Ame reacts with the same patient care she'd use with an injured animal.

8. Also, i do think people are missing Suvi's actions behind her words. Particularly vis a vis redeemable qualities. She does talk mad shit and she says some truly terrible things. But her actions are in conflict with her words. She abandoned her training and her responsibility to help Ame break her curse. He outfitted her friends from the armory and rented out a whole floor of an inn just to be kind. She's kept silent on Honored Friends the entire time she's been at the Citadel. Steel told her to stay and wait but she ran after Ame anyways. She was making a lot of threats but now that Eursulon has promised to free the Great Spirit her only issue with helping do it is that Steel might kill her first. She is ready to throw down for her friends with extreme prejudice.

She's at a crossroads. I find it very hopeful. But like again, I relate pretty heavily to being young and afraid and angry as the world opens up before you and everything you thought you knew is wrong and harming people. Knowing there's a chasm and on one side is your family and your community and on the other side is the unknown and your friends.

[leonawriter]

Maybe a hot take or whatever but I see a fair few people saying how they hate Ohya and... I guess we read into her differently?

Like, the very first time we see her she's still trying to do legit reporting. In Royal, she's there in the station on Akira's very first day trying to find his way through the trains to Shujin, and then later when they're investigating Madarame. It's only really once you hit Kaneshiro that she's the drunkard in Crossroads that we know.

I went into my (watched)playthrough knowing that she was, technically, a romance option. Just like several other adult women in the game. And just like them, I think that the whole thing of "you can romance them if you want" has corrupted peoples' view of who they actually ARE.

If you remove the skeevy choices the devs put on these women, you get Kawakami as someone who just wants to support her students but is being financially extorted, Takemi who wants to help people as a doctor but rumours about her reputation precede her everywhere much like Akira's does, and Ohya, who wants to be a decent reporter but is being held back by the loss of her partner, and her strict boss.

Ohya also gets flak for things that happen during the confidant; she outright asks the protagonist, a 16-17 year old boy, to pose as her boyfriend, when she's in her mid-20's (according to the wiki). If this was played straight, and we took the romance route into consideration, that sure would squick me out! But... if we ignore that the romance route exists?

First we need to look at CONTEXT. She's not asking Akira to pose as her boyfriend for shits and giggles. She's doing this because she wants to be able to investigate the mental shutdown of her partner, Kayo, who she was very close to. Her boss won't let her, and has relegated her to "writing entertainment articles about the latest fads" - basically, fluff pieces that'll sell, but won't require the truth, or any talent.

Her asking Akira to play along means that she's able to tell her boss "I have an excuse for the reason I'm seen talking to this person. No, I am not using him as an informant, or trying to investigate something I've been ordered to leave well alone." She's well aware the relationship would be illicit. Part of the point of her story at this point - and the fact that there's a heart she needs changed, just like most of the other confidants - is that her boss would rather her be doing something illegal like this, than honest investigative work. She's also very cynical for these same reasons at the start of the confidant.

There's also something to be said about how she's the Devil Arcana of the game. Devil Arcana characters, according to the wiki:

These characters have given in to temptation at an earlier point in their life, and as a result this has twisted their actions and way of thinking. Preferably a brutal mix involving the little good they still have in themselves. The Social Link establishes their building their way back up to their path of benevolence. It is not necessarily an easy recovery, as these individuals need to reflect on not only what they believed in, but why they went on the wrong track in the first place.

So, yeah. She's not supposed to read as a good, upstanding and moral person when you first meet her, and P5R tends to open the links with characters in rather reversed reads of their Arcana regardless!

What I see in Ohya is a journalist who winds up finding something to believe in again, who decides to start doing investigative journalism again regardless of whether her bosses agree with it, and who'd probably be a cool older sister type... even if she would encourage Akira to get the actual booze or any number of things he shouldn't really be doing.

I... also see her as, if not lesbian then at least bisexual, and still very hung up over Kayo. SO. Yeah, no, I can't see her actually having an interest in a kid so soon after all that. In my eyes she's just "kid, no."

[waitmyturtles]

SPOILERS AND ANALYSIS FOR THE EIGHTH SENSE, EPISODES 9 and 10. TURN AWAY IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET! LONG POST!

MY HEART. IS. SO. FULL. 

Episode 9 almost (ALMOST!) reached Bad-Buddy-episode-10-level for me. That was a hell of an episode. 

And I am so thrilled, SO FREAKING THRILLED, to have been proven wrong about my theories as to whether or not episode 6 was “real” to the series. It was very real, and clearly so meaningful and contributive to Jae Won (as well, of course, to Ji Hyun), that... it sent Jae Won running, literally.

One more passing thought before I dig into the meal: 

I haven’t dug into this at ALL yet, but I think there might purposefully be a lot of similarities between The Eighth Sense and Where Your Eyes Linger, which (I think this is accurate, but PLEASE correct me if I’m wrong) was one of the first non-Strongberry Big KBLs to come out. I went back to Viki to make sure to confirm this, but Jung Seo In -- the restaurant ahjumma and Ji Hyun’s boss in T8S -- also plays a restaurant proprietor in Where Your Eyes Linger, and actually asks Han Tae Joo and Kang Gook “who’s top and who’s bottom” when she first meets them in WYEL (a little squick but she made it cute for that time). The promo picture for WYEL on Viki is of the two leads lying on the floor with their heads touching.... a different orientation, but a lot of the same feeling, as the opening of episode 10 of T8S. And, finally: Han Tae Joo of WYEL and Jae Won of T8S are both “the chairman’s son.” They are both sons in need of care.

That’s enough for a comparison for now to WYEL, because I haven’t spent enough time digging into it, but I’ll return to Ji Hyun’s ahjumma in a second, because she’s a badassssssss. Anyway:

Episode 9: What can I say. As with Bad Buddy episode 10, I’m struggling to get words down. I love a ride to a gorgeous union. 

And Jae Won, HONEY, Y’ALL TOOK ME ON A HELL OF A RIDE. DUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEE. DUDE. I wanna be friends with you!

We learned some things. Ji Hyun brings light into Jae Won’s life. When we saw Jae Won with Eun Ji -- it was always in darkness (except for surf club earlier in the series, but Ji Hyun was there with Jae Won). jae Won eats with Eun Ji in a pojangmacha at night. He sits with Eun Ji in a dark library. He walks with Eun Ji on dark streets. She tries to kiss him in the nighttime. 

Ji Hyun sees that -- and something twists inside of Jae Won.

Then we get Jae Won and Eun Ji in the dark library. And, JEEEEZUS. WHOA! UM! I. did. not. expect. the. long. game. to. be. played. LIKE. THAT.

Motherfucker played a LONG-ASS, I’M A NAVY VETERAN, I CHASED AFTER YOU, I SAW YOU WITH ANOTHER GUY, I WAITED FOR YOU, I WAITED UNTIL MORNING, I SAW YOU WERE STILL WITH HIM, I SAW YOU WALKING OUT OF THE MOTEL WITH HIM, I SAW THAT, I CAME BACK, YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MY FEAR ABOUT JI HYUN AND THE ACCIDENT, AND I REVENGE-DATED YOU, KINDA GAME, HEADSHAKE, SHRUG, I’M LOOKING AT MY NAILS, PSH.

BRO. WHAT. THE. EFF. 

I want a Cardi B song about this shit. Dude, you played that better than ANY female character in a K-drama that I have EVER seen, my man! You actually WENT AND DATED HER, LIKE KINDA LITERALLY-BUT-MAYBE-YOUR-HEART-WASN’T-ACTUALLY-INTO-IT-SO-MAYBE-IT-WAS-FOR-THE-ASSIGNMENT-DEALIE??? Good lord. 

Like, can that become a K-drama/KBL trope? Hot DAMN. ANYWAY. (Actually, one more reference to this for episode 10, but enough of the all caps, ha.)

You know what that means, right? While all that was going on, Jae Won’s heart WASN’T with Eun Ji. He was processing his stuff with Ji Hyun on his own, and with his therapist (once more, lol, @emotionallychargedtowel, take me to your analysis! I gotta know what you thought about the therapist calling Jae Won selfish!). 

Jae Won said it himself. He’s rooted in depression. He’s rooted in guilt about his brother’s death. He’s rooted in guilt over Ji Hyun’s accident. I will posit that episode 6 still felt like a “dream,” likely because of meds, likely because of Jae Won’s headstate. It was a “real” moment for the series but for where Jae Won’s head was at, he was likely battling a depressive episode with the continued, chronic guilt of his life. So things seemed fuzzy and jumpy -- because they were fuzzy and jumpy for Jae Won. 

(Whenever I try to describe these states to people, I try to think of relative moments... like being at work with four hours of sleep. Driving while your contact lens has something in it. You’re fuzzily in and out of reality. Jae Won’s depression is deeper than that. But I try to relate to it somehow with those metaphors.)

So the therapist does her own thing by calling Jae Won “selfish” for rooting in his pain. How we choose to judge her behavior is whatever -- it still gives me the jibbles, and I lean towards the utterly wonderful @emotionallychargedtowel for better analysis about therapy than me.

But, as we very clearly saw -- Jae Won’s breakthrough came through the restaurant ahjumma. Remember: she represents a break from tradition, as I said last week. She’s done with the bullshit of living by the rules of others.

She sees university students in and out, everyday, eating samgyupsal and drinking their sorrows away. She sees former students coming back to say hi. 

She’s been around the block, and has seen people get around the block themselves. She knows the advice that she’s giving to Jae Won. Unlike the therapist, she’s not gonna make Jae Won feel bad about himself. She’s just going to feed him and HELP HIM.

LET GO OF IT ALL, HONEY. GO AND GET YOUR MAN. 

And Jae Won finally let go. He went to the water. He took us with him to a flashback to the sea, to the light, where he’s the happiest. He took us to where he’s the freest that he can be.

And Ji Hyun called him back to Ji Hyun’s side. Called Jae Won back through music, and Jae Won heard him, and ran to Ji Hyun, and they embraced -- and it was perfect. 

I’m gonna be that auntie when I grow up.

Episode 10: There are a couple of side discussions with friends that I want to refer to, but let me say first that I have zero issues with this light, lovely conclusion. I am a SLAVE for K-drama tropes, and I didn’t mind that this episode had a few. This series did so beautifully to NOT hew to tropes, and to create a new paradigm of filmmaking in KBLs, that I was TOTALLY FINE with seeing some sweet tropey behavior -- the drinking, the partying, the dancing, the dance music. The love games. The heads leaning on shoulders. Coffees in cans. Let me give you my jacket. 

Friends @shortpplfedup and @lurkingshan and @wen-kexing-apologist: I’m okay with the forgiveness to Tae Hyung and Eun Ji. Because. 

I think Jae Won’s being a little shady, come awn. I think he popped his umbrella open. Just a little. Ji Hyun ADMITTED to being sassy, but I think Jae Won knew he was being just a little bitty-bit shady, and I’m gonna let the man have his. He’s a game-player. 

Eun Ji HAD TO ADMIT that she got her ass handed to her. And Ji Hyun and Jae Won both knew she’d have a hard time, internally. I’m fine with her being calm about it. She knew she fucked up the game, hard, when she got her ass caught cheating. We know she’s lame, she knows she’s lame, let’s live and move on.

I thought Jae Won’s read on Tae Hyung was great. Tae Hyung IS someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, however misguided it is. Humans are not perfect. Jae Won wants to be with honest people. (That’s why he dumped Eun Ji’s ass and handed her the receipts. He can forgive her, but he certainly AIN’T going out with her again.)

As Bed Friend ended with happy moment after happy moment -- I believe the filmmakers knew exactly what they were giving us with this finale. How we came to SUCH a happy ending just boggles me, but it was a loving and a sweet one. GO YOON WON AND JOON PYO. COME AWN. GO GO GO. (And go Bit Na! Reject that motherfucker. AND AE RI! GURL! I’m gonna miss you, nothing slides by you.)

And I want to refer back to something about the therapist conversation in episode 9 that got concluded in episode 10. I think it’s really important to note that BOTH Ji Hyun AND Jae Won took care OF EACH OTHER in these last two episodes.

Jae Won was rotting in guilt over not being able to TAKE CARE OF JI HYUN during the accident. Jae Won arguably got Ji Hyun in trouble. 

Ji Hyun, upon his recovery, TAKES CARE OF Jae Won. Ji Hyun handled the disciplinary committee. He gives Jae Won a disposable camera and encourages Jae Won’s photography. He continues to send Jae Won text messages, songs. Sending messages of hope and light and love. I’m still here, Jae Won, I haven’t left. Jae Won’s brother might not be here. Ji Hyun never left. 

What shocked Jae Won out of his stasis was the ahjumma’s words. I think Jae Won realized at that moment that -- AS AHJUMMA WAS SAYING ALL ALONG -- THAT JAE WON WAS OVERTHINKING THINGS. Once Jae Won could 

SEE. THE. LIGHT.

he was able to take off, and finally go back to Ji Hyun, in whole. 

(I think we know why the therapist’s office was dark. Jae Won couldn’t see the light in there. 

His light comes from Ji Hyun and the water.)

It’s a rarity, but I’m putting this on my short MUST WATCH list. This BLEW away any filmmaking expectations I previously had about KBLs. This was SINGULAR, groundbreaking, the actors ATE their roles, ATE THEM -- and it was utterly fulfilling.

PHENOMENAL SHOW. I’m going to miss this one TREMENDOUSLY. 

[vermillioncrown]

so, what's up with korvin's parents?

they're just normal people. they just have their circumstances and korvin doesn't want people putting their ignorant opinions on them.

=

but what's really up with korvin's parents? (+ a deeper discussion on my other fics, why the SI MCs are the way they are)

Getting Real™️ warning: reading this might provide context that turns you off my fics.

if you want to keep enjoying light-hearted snark as it is, don't read. if you read this, i request you do not come to me to argue a contrary interpretation of my writing. i know where my brain worms come from, please and thank you.

===

They are stated to be undocumented persons in chapter 1. They intentionally abandoned Korvin in the US. Korvin's reaction is he does not want anyone's judgment on the situation, because chances are it will be 'well-intentioned' but without context, kinda racist and classist, and he's an adult in a kid's body. He gets the kind of pressure that he, as a 'weird kid', as who should be his parents' first-born son to make it in America, would put on his parents. There are no other relatives here to help. They are too poor to be careful parents and do more than financially support their child, just barely. Mental health and superstition are greatly tied in Chinese culture, so he also squicks them with his 'unnaturalness'.

Their choice to leave him in the US is a far-shot hope that while they can't support their kid properly, he'd at least be to stay as a Dreamer and somehow make it.

And how do you begin to explain all that to someone? And better yet, how do you control the gut clenching reaction to someone's judgment of your situation when there was no good choice? What if someone accuses you and your parents of taking advantage of the US legal system, as if you're cockroaches that don't 'deserve' where you are right now?

It's better to never leave an opening for someone to judge. Or if someone has to say something, you just smile and nod, because you usually can't afford to say anything back to them.

I don't make this blatant in the fic because that's 1) insensitive 2) I don't want to deal with people's ACTUAL ignorant opinions 3) it's kinda meta and ingrained for me to be circumspect about this stuff, even if it makes up an essential part of Korvin.

===

It's cosmic comedy, I think, that I'm doing an application that needs me to submit a statement on my academic interests and diversity within my professional career. What is my past experience with that? What is my future intent? How has this impacted my goal to join academia?

I'm almost 30. And growing up somewhere metropolitan, moving all over the country, interacting with people of many walks of life and knowing there are many more I don't interact with...I've been through a roller coaster of perspectives what makes a person distinct. Their distinctness isn't just personality, even if personality isn't so flimsy that a different day will change someone so completely. Yet, we're all shaped by where we come from. Our background, culture, class, sex, environment, etc.

This might be rather obvious, but over the years I've read fic I find that it's a quality and philosophy that doesn't come across often. I'll focus just on SI and OC-insert fics since that's the most relevant. Perhaps it's the type of fics I read, perhaps it's the fandoms, perhaps it's the demographic, perhaps we have too much practice in accepting some Everybody who is Everybody as a baseline regardless of how well that Everyone resonates with us personally.

Of course, not every fic is written for every audience. And different people will always have different perspectives. But I want you to ponder these metrics: I've read fanfic since 2003. Non-stop. I would average 20-50k words a week as a preteen, and ramped up from there. SI and OC make a big portion of what I engage with because I find it a fascinating examination of canon material using an external force, or something like that. They also have the potential to be deeply developed super quickly because we, as amateur authors, really can't help putting a lot of ourselves without filter into our creations. It can lead to polarizing feelings over them because of that.

It's been twenty years, and I can count on one hand the number of SI and OC fics where I legitimately felt that I understood where this character came from and they make sense to me. The rest...some I understood where they came from in the same way I need to empathize with the people around me so that I don't offend them. As a kid and teen, that meant ostracization and bullying. As a professional, it means missing opportunities, also getting bullied, being sabotaged, being used and tossed away. I have to show sympathy, bend my brain to see what makes them 'them' and see how sensible it is for them so that I can survive and thrive.

Some I had to accept that we either lived in vastly different realities in which such a character is sensible, and that's just the world we live in; or they're just bonkers. We move on.

I am compelled to write because I want to explore something that I find has not been explored. If it was already done to my satisfaction? I have literally felt my interest dip like a video game health bar in that situation.

My MCs as SIs cannot be divorced from my background. Ostensibly, that's the square-shaped brain with the math and engineering, the ADHD, and the internal snark. But those traits don't exist in a vacuum. Luckily my interests aligned with my parents' hopes and dreams for me as poor immigrants to the US and I am the first to have an advanced degree since my family has been wiped through the Cultural Revolution; though they were lucky enough to be sponsored by an aunt that married a missionary.

The ADHD was undiagnosed because god forbid I had Problems, "What do you mean Vermillion has problems? She's so bright! She never has to study! She has so much potential!" I have a brother who has problems, and both culturally American and Chinese I have been trained to Not Have Problems because I'm supposed to keep the household together. Plus, we're poor. We can't afford that! We're poor, we have family problems, AND our child has mental issues? They already say enough shit about Chinese people, jeeze.

The internal snark--it does hurt a bit inside whenever I see the reaction to my brand of humor in my fics as if it's meant to be expressed to tell people off, mic drop, actions having no consequences. You know what that is? It's coping. It's also developing the social wherewithal to be circumspect because your livelihood depends on it. And beyond just me, the internal pressure of carrying my family's expectations and wanting to not make their sacrifices in vain--that doubles the risk.

No fucking way do I mouth off without thinking (not since I was actually eight, and learning ever since), and that's why my characters are the way they are. We see a spectrum of them: Zhu Yunxun that needs to put up a front to maintain societal privilege and also is lucky to be born with money and lineage; SI!Taiga with money, physical + mental advantages, gender on his side, and talent; Lan Wenhui born into lineage, physical advantages, privilege, and talent, but still a woman; and now...Korvin Kwan with only the advantage of youth and male privilege. I am a point of departure for each of these and despite whatever gains that have been made with these new lives, I know myself well enough and have been burned before that it's instinctual to not grow into that privilege as if you've always had it.

Zhu Yunxun needs to walk a delicate tightrope of politics and intrigue and is wildly windmilling in the air, even if they're staying on.

SI!Taiga is so baffling to the Clown Gang because he doesn't act like a typical cocksure talented sports boy.

Lan Wenhui...she has her convolutions to be revealed.

Korvin is perpetually at the end of his fucking rope (like, what's Bat-WIng-Guy gonna do? Kill him for swearing? It'd at least cut out the middlemen for child trafficking), and just managed to trust Dick and Babs. Now that he has some sort of solid ground beneath him, that's where we get the chapter 4 code switching and masking.

Actions, and speaking is an action, have consequences and my SIs are me. They live with that philosophy.

We see ten million and one characters that like to loudly and boldly declare themselves, with the implication that they truly believe everything they say matters and will make a difference. They will be heard!

There's no catharsis for those who need to keep it in, where catharsis isn't actually worth it.

You might think: well, that's just on you. You choose to internalize this, you choose to make your family your pressure, you choose to not speak up--

And then I would point out, again, that culture and background makes people. Being diaspora, it influences what I find socially important. And it's even more important because I grew up poor. There's a realm of difference between the professional and well-off Chinese diaspora vs the ones that had to cram in the slums of Chinatown. My family was luckily not at the tail end, but we were nothing like the well-off (I'm lucky that we've essentially achieved the vaunted American Dream, now). To us growing up like that, family was your support network. Regardless of how shitty they are, what they do, the cost of cutting them out was rarely worth it.

And now that I've gone into my professional life--I'm lucky enough that I've either made others think they can't talk shit to my face, or my poker face was strong enough to survive the utter bullshit I've heard told to me like it was the weather. I thank them for their time, and I do what I need to do to navigate the situation. Usually, I don't have the power to do much but survive, so I did. And now, I've reached a point where 1) times are changing 2) I'm niche and competent enough that people are too busy listening to what I have to say than condescend me 3) I can shut them down if they do 4) the field I'm working in values circumspection as a whole.

===

Anyways, this is probably a big bubble burst for my fics. I know a lot of people enjoy them for the funnies, but the funnies come from somewhere. I think I build compelling characters and interpersonal relationships because I work to ground them in reality and what I know and have learned through my own experiences and needing to empathize with others.

My writing is my catharsis. Every time I'm able to resonate with someone out there, I'm happy if someone completely different from me can understand, and I'm even happier if I make another person like me feel seen.

Anyways, that's my kinda intense and sad TED talk, I need to go back to writing my application statement.

[twistmusings]

is it possible to get octa + being given oral? first time being asked for it, how they approach their partner, ect. ty!

Octavinelle - First Time Getting Oral

CW: NSFW, literal first experiences with oral.

Note: They're all 18+, though since it's a first time sort of deal they're a bit younger than I normally write them, some minor praise kink, gagging mention (Minorly in Jade's part).

Azul Ashengrotto

Depending on how they ask, Azul may or may not fully understand what they're asking him. Certain euphemisms or ways of phrasing it will go right over his head. For example: he would understand what they mean if they say they want to "go down" on him, but if they say "blowjob" or "give head" he's going to have literally no idea what sex act they're referring to. (Not that he's not onboard.) He didn't exactly do a ton of research into porn when he came on land so he isn't super familiar with the human terminology.

That being said, he would be both excited and kind of nervous. They do have oral sex under the sea, of course, and he's excited at that prospect, but at the same time... Human anatomy is different right? They need their throats to breath, and humans seem more fragile than Merfolk, so he worries if their throat would be alright or if there's risk of injury.

The other thing that hits him after he agrees to it is... how sanitary is it? Azul hates the idea of mess and it seems like it would be risky to have someone putting their mouth there. The good news is that he's going to be very thoroughly and freshly washed when they do go down on him.

He gets real fixated on his grooming, actually. Azul's human form has some... features that he doesn't have in his Cecaelia body. Namely, body hair. He's not bushy by any means, but if he's having someone go down on him he wants it to look nice for them so he'll trim it neatly and make sure it's short enough to not get in the way. He might also daub a little cologne on himself, too, just to make sure he smells nice before the act.

When they actually get to the act, he's going to let them decide what position is easiest and what pace they want to set. It's not like he has any real frame of reference, here, so he's more than happy to let them guide him here. (Even if they don't have any practice either.)

He has no idea what he's meant to do with his hands. He will sit there and hover-hand if they don't give him some signal that it's okay for him to touch their head or shoulders while they go down on him.

The area just under the head is very sensitive-- maybe a bit too sensitive. If they focus on licking at it or around it he's going to eventually start squirming from it feeling overwhelming.

The first time they actually put his dick into their mouth and he gets to feel how hot their mouth is around him, he literally cannot keep his voice down.

His favorite part is catching them looking up at him. It makes his whole body go hot and he feels very desired.

He will cum fast, but he will give warning before he does because he's considerate. He doesn't really have much preference of if they want him to cum in their mouth or pull out, but he won't cum on them. The sight of his own cum on their face both makes him feels bad and makes him kind of want to gag because he is squicked out by the texture.

Floyd Leech

Floyd is very excited that they asked. Seeking out what sort of 'fun' things he could do in his new human body was like one of the first things he did as soon as he was on land because he was curious. He thinks it looks like it would be fun, and since he knows that Merfolk do something similar he's pretty confident it will be fun.

Floyd's grooming pretty regular. He'll shower and make sure he's clean right before his date with them, but he doesn't really fuss with his body hair or anything. He might draw a little heart or smile on his body where they will see it when they take his pants off just to play with them. He figures if they like him enough to put his dick in their mouth that they probably won't mind too much if he doesn't... uh... whatever mammals did to their pubes to make them fancy. (He doesn't know, he's never really cared to be honest.)

Floyd isn't super picky about the position or the "how" of it, so he just lets his partner pick what they want when they're ready.

He's very handsy when they go down on him. He likes to touch anything he can reach-- their hair, their shoulders or the back of their neck, their hands (if he can reach). He likes their attention on him and the blowjob is great, but giving them gentle affection while he praises them really makes him feel good.

His favorite is when they test to see how far they can take him. He likes having the excuse to praise them, and he likes seeing them get excited by the praise.

He's pretty vocal in general, actually.

He probably doesn't realize he's meant to warn them when he's about to cum and ends up cumming in their mouth. His only frame of reference is porn, after all. He will apologizes if he realizes they don't like that and admit that he should have checked with them, though.

Jade Leech

Of course Jade likes the idea-- he also looked up porn as soon as he came onto land, though has consumed significantly less of it because he finds it largely unappealing. He knows that it's the same general concept of oral sex under the sea.

Jade also grooms himself thoroughly and trims his body hair. He makes sure he looks well maintained and will make sure to shower shortly before their date so that he's fresh for them. He's not super particular about much else, though.

He would prefer to have his partner go down on him while he's standing up. The idea of getting to watch them kneel for him makes him hot.

During the blowjob, he likes to pet his hands through their hair, and will murmur a compliment or two while they work. He's not super vocal, though.

Though he realizes it's not likely to happen given it's their first time, he finds the idea of being allowed to fuck their mouth to be hot. He feels a little mean for it, but he gets off on the way they gag a little if they take him too deeply into their throat. He will shelve the topic for another day unless they ask him to do it, though.

He will ask before he cums where they prefer it to be, because he's a gentleman.

[sharpestasp]

Movie Watch

Bumblebee

(six years after release, however long since the DVD came out, FINALLY watching this)

This is going to be strictly a collection of my immediate reactions to the film because DAMN I HAVE NOT ENJOYED A TF FILM LIKE THAT SINCE '07. With less squick-humor too!

Please don't harsh my squee. I really, really loved this one.

OMG. ALL THE RECOGNIZABLE CONS AND BOTS! Poor son had to deal with me naming them off Prime doing Jet Judo

John Cena is a mess

BABY! Bumblebee, you were never meant to fight a seeker one on one Nice moves though MY BABY! Oh my poor baby. BOOYAH! That's my BOY!

Oh trivia: Bell, Burns' (Cena's) friend on the exercise? Is Aldis Hodge's brother. (he was in "The Jailhouse Job" too)

Real dysfunctional family vibes there

Soundtrack is rocking.

CLIFFJUMPER! NO

Shatter is fascinating though.

I'm loving Gwen Stacy, I mean, Charlie Alright, at least I'm not calling her Kate Bishop

Mom and Ron are so 80s. In their parenting.

OH she stayed! She saw he was having trouble.

"Tell me things. Sometimes." YOU DON'T LISTEN MOM!

BUMBLEBEE, so scared!

OH! THE FACE TO THE HANDS

I think Charlie is awesome, BTW

oh dear. Arriving Decepticon now? Okay, that was a little gross, but Roy vaguely deserved it at least? And the woman survived.

Okay Bumblebee and dogs is just a recurring theme? Charlie explaining the need to stay hidden. BEE! Silly boy. Hiding his head in the sand

"Nonbiologicals" THEY ARE BIOLOGICALS, JUST A DIFFERENT BIOLOGY Oh GREAT. We're going to go with the deception part of Decepticon.

Optimus's message. OH HONEY. HELLO RAVAGE.

Bee keeps flinching so much. His PTSD. It is bad. LOL. I said "Not a Smiths fan" before Charlie did. +wibbles so hard+ Bee has his first human.

(listening to Charlie talk about losing her dad, hit son and me both. Him for the recent loss of his, me for coming up on Mom's deathiversary)

Memo is adorable in a particular way that is so the 80s oh Charlie is a teenager! So much.

Okay Sector 7's Powell is WORSE than Simmons was in the first movie.

Do not be stupid teenagers. "You Got the Touch", really?

Okay, Bee, a little much there. Oh dear. Cops. I love Bee, but boy he is very young (and damaged memory processors)

OH NO. MAKING HIM STAY HOME. This is going to go so badly. OH NO. NO NO NO BEE! And now the 'cons know.

Mom needed to hear all that.

OH JAYS, I actually had to look at the trivia to get that, BAD ASP. Judd Nelson - Hot Rod in the original '86 film / All the Breakfast Club spots in this

SHE'S DOING CPR! This is so The Abyss between Bud and Lindsey.

AND NOW IT IS IRON GIANT TIME! Very very good, well done.

okay the station wagon scene was cute

Okay, Charlie, honey? What in hell you think you gonna do? "I go, you stay" moment.

Bee against Dropkick DAMN BEE! Was Jazz your instructor? And Charlie to the rescue? She looks ... yep. Going after Shatter. Yep. Jazz taught Bumblebee how to fight, headcanon now. C'mon, Bee. HOLY SHIT! GREAT MOVE WITH THE CHAIN. AWWWWWW Bee saving Burns! And then, AND THEN! He took Shatter right out! Burns made the right choice.

And now, HOLY SHIT. They have to leave each other. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH (I feel bad for him having to deal with Sam after knowing Charlie.) MY HEART! SWEET! Nice car. Family reunion time. I APPLAUD the "not quite there yet" OMG I LOVED

And yeah, works better as a soft reboot than a prequel with that last scene Also, Bee-the-camaro riding alongside CLASSIC Semi that looked like PRIME of the cartoon? PRICELESS

[long-fic-tournament]

I have to cut 10 fics, so I’m doing two polls of 10 for the 20 lowest word count fics, and progressing the 5 most voted for fics of each poll onto the tournament. All word counts are accurate as of submission to the tournament.

Link to the other poll

Propaganda and links below the cut

1) Coppernaughts (series) - The LEGO Movie

it's sooo good just read it <3

2) Knight-Errant - Star Wars

He figured out a while ago happiness isn't a watermark or a beat; happiness happens in the middle of other things, a moment of perfect clarity in all the other shit. There's something romantic about the idea of being so lost or so damaged happiness is totally out of reach, but Arthur's never had the capacity for that level of melodrama.

No propaganda

3) This, You Protect - Captain America and the Winter Soldier

No propaganda

4) Minimum Height Requirement - Batman

The best Good Dad!Batman I've found. It loops all his kids into one cohesive narrative that incorporates their arcs and major story beats without Bruce being the uncaring jerk people tend to write him as in the comics nowadays.

5) Presque Vu - Inception

He figured out a while ago happiness isn't a watermark or a beat; happiness happens in the middle of other things, a moment of perfect clarity in all the other shit. There's something romantic about the idea of being so lost or so damaged happiness is totally out of reach, but Arthur's never had the capacity for that level of melodrama.

6) TALE OF A MARTYR IN XII PARTS - All For The Game

No propaganda

7) Mad Rat Twist - Mad Rat Dead and The World Ends With You

honestly i'm mostly submitting this one because it's one of the few things in my bookmarks on AO3 and a close friend wrote it. also it involves two relatively small fandoms and there have been people who only know about one reading it and wanting to check out the other one from both sides and i'm so proud of my friend!

but ugh! Mad Rat and Heart! i love them! they're zucchinis your honor! i need to read this one again it's been a while

8) ffucc - Final Fantasy XV

No propaganda

9) Our Freedom In My Sight - Shameless

This fic does a really good job of digging into canon trauma that canon just didn't bother to really address. The main characters did end up getting their happy ending in canon but when this was written, it looked very, very much like they weren't going to so this fic became canon for me (I say like I actually watched the show). It created justice and closure for characters that very much looked like they weren't going to get any. (As always, mind the tags. It deals with some very dark topics. There are definitely some triggers in this one. Actual triggers, not just squicks. Anyone that knows Shameless knows how bad Mickey and Mandy's childhood was. That's what we're dealing with.).

10) Standard Deviations - Yuri!!! on Ice

it's the BEST time travel fic i've read! it starts with just viktor and yurio, but throughout the story yuuri, mila, and more all come back and cause enough shenanigans to give yakov a heart attack lmao

it's v lighthearted and makes me laugh more than almost anything else has tbh

(tldr if u don't go here: love interest & angry son go back in time and are eventually joined by the rest of their figure skating pals. they cause enough chaos that their coach faints countless times)

[serickswrites]

Hi there I hope you are having a good day! I have a request if you don't mind. It's specific. So you don't have to write it if you don't want to but: Female Hero x Male Villain. So Hero has a child, a few months old or a year but very young. With juggling hero-work and raising a child she is very tired. So one day she comes home and collapses on her bed, until she realizes her child is strangely quiet and her babysitter has come to talk to her. So Hero goes into their child's bedroom and finds Villain standing in the room cradling her child. She demands to know what he's doing and he asks who's the child's father. Hero is very confused and asks him why he needs to know. Villain explains that he has been watching her since the day he figured out she was pregnant and the Father of her child had never once been there for her. He demands to know who the Father is and why he is not taking responsibility for this beautiful child and the lovely Mother of his child. Hero stares at him silently, before just bluntly says: "You're the Father." Meanwhile The Babysitter is sitting in the closet tied up listening to all this drama.

Hello! Anon, this is super interesting! Definitely something I can write. Requests and asks are always open! Unless it's a squick, generally I can write it. So please, ask away! And you can also ask continuations!

Please, enjoy!

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Nanny heard the front door to Base open and shut. They rose to meet their boss, but Hero waved them off as she stumbled to her bedroom. Nanny could see the dark circles under her eyes. Hero needed to rest. They'd let their boss get a few hours sleep before waking her for dinner and time with the baby.

Nanny heard Hero's baby fuss in the next room and so they headed to check on their charge.

Hero collapsed on the bed without showering or even removing her clothes. She'd do that later. Right now all she wanted to do was sleep. She flicked on the baby monitor on the night stand. She liked to fall asleep to the sound of her baby. The soft little snuffles, coos, and even Nanny's soothing voice.

But no sound came. Hero's heart started racing and she was instantly awake, exhaustion long forgotten. She jumped out of bed and ran to the nursery. She froze in the doorway as her worst nightmare was a reality.

Villain stood over her baby's crib, her infant tucked safely in his arms. His face was soft, warm even. Something Hero had never seen before.

"What are you doing here?" Hero demanded, cursing herself internally for not bringing a weapon.

"Who's the father?" Villain asked, ignoring Hero's question. He rocked the infant gently in his arms.

"Does it matter?" Hero's voice was flat, cautious. She didn't want Villain to hurt her baby.

"When I first noticed you were pregnant, I wondered who it could be. You have no love life to speak of," he smirked. "We're too busy with work, you and I, for things like that. But no man appeared. Not when your belly grew big and round. Not when you took yourself to the hospital. Not even when you came home. What kind of man could abandon a child? Such a beautiful, lovely baby."

Villain looked up at Hero. "You can't surely plan to do this alone." He continued to rock the baby. The baby fell asleep in the crook of his arms. Hero relaxed a little as she saw her baby was safe.

"I'm not alone. I have Nanny."

Villain frowned. "I saw that. They weren't very useful in protecting your baby."

"What did you do to Nanny?" Hero feared the worst.

"Closet, taken care of."

"Did you kill Nanny?"

Villain flinched in horror. "I know you hate me, but I'm not a monster, Hero. Besides having a nanny isn't two parents. It's not the same. A child should have both parents in their life. Where is the father? I could persuade him to come back. What kind of man could do that?"

Hero sighed. "You," she muttered.

Villain's eyebrows shot up. "Pardon?"

"You are the father, Villain."

If Nanny could have gasped around the gag in their mouth as they knelt in the darkened closet, arms tied behind their back, they would have. Hero had never disclosed the father of her child. And for the father to be Villain, well, that was something else.

[obiwan]

more new obikin recs pleaseeee <3

Okay this has been stewing in my inbox for a while and I think I have enough new ones. I know the last one requested the last three months and I don't want a re-do, so I'm going to do a mixture of old and new faves.

✰ (Explicit, A/B/O, Complete) Molten by @zimriya

“Was Ben my omega father?” Luke asks.

The cavernous void that is Darth Vader’s heart demands that he swallow the boy whole. “Why does it matter?” he says. “Your other father clearly never wanted you. He gave you up the minute you were born.”

One truth; one lie.

This is a continuation to a past rec., Igneous. It's still canon compliant, it's basically the rest of the story. I'd say you should give these a read even if you're not usually into a/b/o, because it doesn't really linger on the whole a/b/o usual squicks people have, and it is so beautifully done. It also has a little epilogue piece which (in my opinion) has the funniest star wars imagery. I truly recommend reading these if you love canon compliant obikin.

✰(Explicit, WIP) stars to fill my dream by hidden_humours

Given a second chance, Anakin Skywalker awakes from death--into a different world than the one that made him.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, a lost young padawan still finding his way, becomes apprenticed to a living legend who doesn't seem all there...

I know reverse!padawan isn't everyone's jam, but it is mine, so you get it recced. I'm really obsessed with this story (and this author, I like the way they write slightly unhinged Anakin, they have a little one shot if you don't want to read wips, I recommend checking it out) Please note that in this story, Anakin is a bit creepy so keep that in mind.

✰ (Explicit, Complete) Sanctifica Mē by @theseptemberist

Father Obi-Wan Kenobi has never desired anything more than to guide and serve his flock. He's content with his simple life—or he would be, if not for one confessor who returns again and again, pouring sickening stories into his ear, sinful and bloody. It's unbearable, but he can't bring himself to turn away. At least, not until he finally understands.

What does Anakin Skywalker truly want from him?

I know people complain about reccing popular authors but! 1)there are always new people in the fandom, and 2)there might be people who have missed it! Hooooly shit so this is *the* yandere!anakin priest fic. It’s *so* good, as always mind the tags, but hhhhhhhhhhhh priest!obi-wan. l always keep coming back to this one, if only for the writing alone (and nothing else *cough*)

✰ (Explicit, Completed) Slow Learner by @binaryeclipse​

Four times Anakin tried to fit Obi-Wan's big dick inside him and one time he managed it. or; the evolution of their sexual relationship.

I mean. Literally what it says on the tin lmaoo - but it’s so well done. It’s literally 12k of Anakin just gagging for it (how relatable,) I don’t know what else to say. As always read the tags, but also go read this fic. 

✰(Explicit, WIP) Obi-Two by Viraha

After Anakin is denied the rank of master, a mysterious phenomenon in the Force creates a baffling situation right in the middle of the same Council session. Anakin is not complaining.

Or, How Two Obi-Wan Kenobi can resolve Pretty Much Everything

I usually refrain from reccing things with only a single chapter or very early in the WIP stages but this one intrigued me so much. Usually time travel fics bring in the pada-wan version, but this one has a twist. I don’t know I’m very intrigued by this one, I’ll be watching this space. 

✰(Explicit, Complete) full throttle by spqr

“If you’re not first, you’re last,” Anakin says wisely. “Qui-Gon told me that once.”

I know it’s a (relatively) well known fic but I just read it again the other day and. HHHHHHHHHH rattling the walls of my enclosure. So it goes in this rec list, read this if you haven’t it’s so good. bark bark bark. 

✰(Teen & Up, Complete) Hands that are earnest, brave, and true by @obi-wkenobi​

On Trevo, after watching his Master be fret and fawned over by the governments elite, Obi-Wan miraculously peeled himself away from wanton eyes and returned to sit by his side, and for the first time ever, Anakin truly noticed the hands that rose to smooth back long copper hair.

Or, five times Anakin was distracted by Obi-Wan's hands, and one time that Obi-Wan noticed.

An *entire* fic about Obi-Wan’s hands y’all. It’s really soft and I’d say a feel-good fic if you’re in the mood for some fluff and love. There’s also a lot of pining (which is the draw!) but it’s all resolved in the end and it’s so beautifully done!

✰(Explicit, Complete) A Study in Tears by shatou

Anakin is used to sinking into the comfort of Obi-Wan’s arms when he is in tears. Obi-Wan is used to offering it. Neither of them realizes the moment when habit tips into heat-haze, but their acceptance for each other is boundless all the same.

(or: five times anakin gets aroused by accident when he’s crying and being comforted by obi-wan… and one time obi-wan does)

BARK HOWL CRY etc. God this fic, it really is one of *the* ones for me. I really enjoy this author’s work, but this particular fic. You know what I love, when a kink that could be considered niche, or could easily be done in a very tacky/porny way is done so intricately and artfully it just. Hhhhhhhhh it’s really good. Really good. 

✰(Explicit, Complete) Beer and Paint by @intermundia​

Artist!AU - it’s a part of a collection (go read all of it if you haven’t already) this is the latest stand alone chapter!

As it’s written, it’s inspired by Hayden in Life as a House, and it’s soooo delicious. Perfect mixture of hot/angsty/sweet. The atmosphere is set *so* well for a relatively shorter fic, as always i’m in awe, this was really good. 

✰(Explicit, WIP) if this isn’t nice, what is? by Anonymous​

"Your form has been improving remarkably quickly, Anakin," Obi-Wan said on the sparring platform one afternoon, as he wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead with his sleeve. "Don't tell me you've actually been listening to the healer for once and doing your physical therapy."

In his adrenaline-addled mind, it took Anakin a moment to sort out what his master was talking about, but eventually his gaze drifted down to his lightsaber, or, more accurately, to the mechno-hand that held it.

"Um," he said. "Something like that."

---

Or, once he could hold a lightsaber again, it took Anakin maybe three days to learn how to jerk off with the new metal hand.

Again, what it says on the tin. It’s really well done though, I can’t wait for it to be completed. Tbh personally I really enjoy stories around Anakin’s mechno arm, and this one...well. I really really like it. 

✰(Explicit, WIP) toss overboard what is too heavy to carry by @tennessoui​​

In the aftermath of the Clone Wars, Palpatine dead and untold tragedy averted, the Republic struggles to heal and rebuild itself.

Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi attempt to do the same with their own relationship, riddled as it has become with betrayal, distrust, and hurt. It's not going too well. Desperate and unwilling to accept that maybe their friendship is ruined, Anakin finds a counselor they can talk to, one that specializes in healing "teams."

Or, as the counselor would probably put it, married couples, which they are decidedly not. Not that she knows that though. And not that they know that she thinks they're in a romantic relationship either. What a silly assumption to make. It's not like they're more intimate than lovers or anything.

YOOOOOOOO God this fic this fic!!!!!! I don’t know if I need to rec Kit’s fics honestly, as with some other authors I can feel people going “yes we are aware of this fic” but as I said, I want to do an honest list lol. Listen this one really has the potential to end me I don’t know. I’m really into the premise, the setting, the dialogue, the everything. 

✰(Explicit, Complete)  sink into the dunes by @starsdies​​​

“How about now, my young Padawan?” Anakin shivers, the title in Obi-wan’s chiding voice taunting him. Like he already knows. “Do you need me now too?”

This has every single trope I can want in a fic - first time, virginity kink, canon-verse!!!!!! I love their dynamic in this, especially love how suave Obi-Wan is. The tone, the setting, the dialogue... chef’s kiss.  

✰(Explicit, Complete)  on high by @treescape​​​​

Anakin breaks once they’re in the turbolift, alone, a dozen stories beneath the Council chamber and climbing steadily downwards.

“Are you even going to look at me?” he blurts out into the heavy silence, his own eyes fixed straight ahead. Obi-Wan stands still as stone beside him, but for the rise and fall of his chest, their shoulders just a breath from touching. His hands are folded into the sleeves of his robes, the very image of the calm Jedi Master.

It’s infuriating. It makes Anakin want to fidget, makes him want to run the edges of his own sleeves between his fingers and twist just for something else to focus on, but he catches himself just in time.

He doesn’t want to give Obi-Wan the satisfaction of sensing him squirm.

Or, Anakin returns from a series of missions and thinks Obi-Wan is angry with him.

Obi-Wan being angry with Anakin because he’s being too reckless is *my jam* I love this trope of one of them being too worried about the other one because they’re too reckless!!! This is beautifully written as always, I genuinely love angry!obi-wan so much, possibly one of my favourite obi-wans. 

✰(Explicit, WIP)  the trouble with wanting by @travellingcircus​​​​

Anakin is an alpha with few hobbies, chief among them watching his favourite omega and amateur videographer Ben showcase his many, many talents. Anakin tells himself he isn't obsessed, but when he finds out Ben is a lot closer to him than he realises, he stops at nothing to get what he wants. That is, Ben's sweet little ass--even if Ben turns out to be Anakin's stuffy, buttoned-up Lit professor.

Ahhhh last but not least! Mind the tags, again with a bit of a darker Anakin in this one, but I am so obsessed with the story telling aspect and I’ll be hones the idea of ~professor kenobi being on cam on the side is just. You know. They also have a couple other stories as a part of the obikin fest s1 which you should check out! 

Oookay, this was it for me this time! I know I’m probably missing some great content out there, but I don’t want to rec anything I haven’t personally read. As always, please mind the tags before you read a story, and don’t read it if you see anything that might potentially trigger you. 

[minimeowsom]

Moonlight Chicken just ended and i can't deal with it.

So i cried, not today no today i laughed and squicked mainly. But yesterday or last week, the last four weeks of Moonlight Chicken were gut wrenching sadness. And just two weeks ago I posted a Post saying I was ready to throw hands if Li Ming and Heart don't get a happy ending. I was willing to trait everybody else's happiness to make sure the babies are happy. But now I think I can't stay with that. but more on that later. 

JimWen

So I saw a very good post about people not being able to really care for JimWen because they can't relate to them. And I agree, I am , let's say, around 10 years younger than them. I didn't have to deal with the struggles they had to deal with yet, they feel genuine and tragic to me, but not relatable. This is in no way meant to discredit Earth or Mix Acting, they were really good in this, I could feel especially Jims Hurt and anger a lot. But what I am trying to say is I don't feel like I am able to say something useful about their Relationship or characters because I don't know what I would do in their situation, I will leave that to people who can. moving on.

LiMingHeart

 LiMingHeart the Heart and Light of this show, especially in the first seven episodes they were the light to everybody else's darkness.They of course both had their on set of problems and struggles do deal with, but between Li Ming feeling misunderstood and Heart not feeling heard at all, whenever they were together they were shining, loving and supporting one another. I would say as a couple i can relate to them the most, (alan is also a strong contender here but we talk about him later) I am just like one and a half years older then someone who is just finishing highschool, and i had to explain to my parents that i have no idea what i wanna do after school, and coming from an academic household that is not what they wanna hear. me going to university was always a given to them. Li Ming's main conflict with Jim revolves around a similar situation. I can feel how misunderstood he feels, especially because Fourth is an exceptional young actor, he is so good at conveying his feelings through his eyes. I am baffled every time. 

And Heart with his parents just breaks my heart every time. The way they needed some eighteen year old kid , come in and show them how to love their son is so sad. But we love to see some character development and how in the end they not only learned sign language for him, but allowed him to go to the states with Li Ming.Gemini as Heart was fantastic too, the boy had three lines in this show, so his lines were his facial expression, the way heart signed (because we didn't get subtitles for what he said either) and his body language. And Gemini made you feel it all, the happiness with Li Ming, or the anger and frustration at his parents for not trying to learn for him.  I loved their story and the way they discovered first love between them, and as I said I was ready to let everybody else suffer to make sure they stay happy…. but then someone just went straight into my heart.

AlanGaipa

Alan just struck a chord with me. Not two Weeks ago I got out of a four year Relationship my Partner ended (for me) out of nowhere and I still have him in my life, because we have the same friend circle and we don't want to break it because of our breakup. So yeah how do you deal with your partner still being there but not really being there. So from the moment we got introduced to AlanWens story I felt with him, yes he had no right to act like Wen cheated, which he didn't, but Wen didn't really help the situation by continuing to sleep with someone who was obviously desperately trying to hold on to him. But somewhere along the story I just wanted something bright in Alan's life. not just for him, but for me , someone to help us heal. And who better than a boy who has so much love to give, who needs someone that recognizes that love and is willing to give just as much love back to him. Because we know Alan gives so much to his Boyfriend, maybe a bit too much for Wen but I am sure Gaipa can take it, and respond with the same amount.

This is also very much swayed by my love for FirstKhao and everything they do. Khao is such a talented actor when it comes to his emotions and his feelings. It is the first time I cried for a TV series in my life, when I saw him breaking down in the hospital after his mother died. 

And the way First played Alan gave me the Feeling of looking in an emotional mirror, because yes i know what he feels like and how hard it is to let go of five years of love.

But in the end we got crumbs of what their flirting and future might look like and it was enough for me to fall in love with them and feel like Alan will for sure find Happiness in him and maybe just maybe a Geipa will walk into my life too. 

At first i thought for sure they wouldn't give Gaipa and Alan a story, i was sure they would just go off to heal on their own, because we had nothing after Episode 6 and normally the show takes time to develop something as big as a Relationship, but maybe that's what they tried to tell us, not every Happiness takes as long as Jim and Wen, maybe you can meet the cute chicken seller boy, get his number, and ask him on a date in a couple of days. 

Something i thought after watching yesterdays and todays Episode was that they put it in because it is FirstKhao we are talking about, their friendship and especially their success as a couple, but that is not true, they filmed Moonlight chicken while the Eclipse Premiered, before First and Khao became the “Powercouple” they are today. Like they let the scene in where First cried when Khao sang, because that is what it was, because it was not in the script, First is just a huge softie for Khao.So I am even happier about the fact that in the end even both people that were left behind by Jim and Wen found happiness in each other.

Something Else i wanted to add was a very interesting post about the color coding of the show. Alan is seen in dark and Blue colors, taking it with him wherever he goes and even putting it on other people, it shows his sadness and loneliness even more, but the moment he meets Gaipa at the Funeral he starts to glow golden like the rest of the characters in love.

And as he leaves Gaipa and the Funeral and goes to leave it comes back, we then again see him in yellow and gold again with Gaipa at the bank and the restaurant, because Gaipa brings the light slowly back in his dark world. 

Conclusion:

Honestly 10/10 would recommend, for everybody, not only BL or Drama Fans, just everybody, i am probably gonna force it on one of my movie nerd friends, just because of the Filmography and the superb acting in this series

[spicysix]

🔀 + steddie 🤭

thank you for asking! i got Heartbeat by Carly Rae Jepsen!

ooh this is a great one and i can honestly see it happening from both POVs!! but i'm sticking with eddie on this one

i'm thinking they hooked up one day and liked it enough to make it regular. so they're in this months old friends with benefits situation and it's been great, eddie's been learning a lot about himself and his likes, dislikes, kinks and squicks, all in actual experiences and not just in his fantasies. steve's real patient with him and they get along well. they're not like best friends, they hang out mostly in group scenarios and outside of that it's basically only when they're hooking up, but steve's a delight to be with and eddie's growing more and more charmed with him. but he knows he and steve are not exclusive and that steve has a good line of people wanting him and he enjoys the attention so eddie is afraid he doesn't want commitment (little does he know steve's a relationship guy, and hasn't hooked up with anyone but eddie in weeks because eddie's all steve can think about)

so the more they hang out, the more eddie wants to hang out but he's so, so scared. this has never happened before. he doesn't remember a time when he grew so close to someone he hooked up with that it turned into more, but he wants more. steve knows him so well, and he knows steve so well, he can't help himself but to start asking steve to hang out one-on-one without the hooking up part. and steve goes, and it feels better and bigger every time. every time he sees steve there's a party inside his belly and he prays that steve can't hear how loud his heart is beating against his ribcage. he wants more and he's not sure he can have it so he's happy to receive and relish in whatever steve gives. he wants more and he's not gonna ask for it, but slowly steve gives him more anyway because it's what he wants too

send me a 🔀 and a pairing, and i’ll shuffle my playlist and make an au based on the first song that comes up

[whumpsecretsantaevent]

SS In July Gift: @demondamage

This is an exchange event so there will be a blanket trigger warning for all entries, so read at your own risk! Potential trigger warnings may include nsfw themes as well as gore and possible squicks.

The Many Faces of Kotarou Sakamoto

1

Crack!

Fills the air,

A crying creature screams.

Snap!

Goes the creature’s bones,

Under the palm of his hands.

Remembrance.

Deep marks dug into flesh.

Cold snow and numb limbs.

Klank!

As the chains close,

Like the cuffs from so long ago.

Zap!

The cattle prod touches skin,

As another wretched scream fills the air.

Doubt. 

Fear pounding in his chest.

The darkening of an altruistic heart.

2

“I can’t Master,”

He looks his teacher in the eyes,

A whip sitting between them.

“Why not?”

His teacher stares back,

The world becomes hard to see.

“It’s needlessly sadistic.”

He swallows,

Faintly touching the scars on his back with his mind.

A disappointed look,

Crushes his heart,

“But you must do it.”

The face of the creature,

Is hard to see,

Through that hazy mind’s eye.

But his screams,

Are clear as day,

Still ringing in his ears.

3

A peaceful night,

The whistling of cars,

And the lights of a city that never sleeps.

Warm arms,

Placed tightly around his waist,

And a smile on that face.

Soft blankets,

Different from home,

But part of home nonetheless.

A man inside him,

A man that he loves,

A man that hugs him at night’s fall.

What more could he want?

Life is good,

Peaceful for once.

Yet, something is missing,

Something is wrong,

And he doesn’t know what.

4

Black eyes,

A deep facial void,

Staring deep into his soul.

A sarin gas,

Of hatred,

And of anger.

Anger to hide,

Hatred to defend,

Sadness shrouded in resentment.

To fix,

Or to heal,

Are not the same thing.

But interest,

And curiosity,

Are wedded in earthly heaven.

A mission,

A need to change,

What has been corrupted.

“I will transform the wicked into something great.”

[arysthaeniru]

Hi !! For the ask game, breath of the wild for fandom and zelink for ship 🧐

Breath of the Wild!

Favourite character

I love Riju! I can't help it, I see a child forced to be a leader of her people, left with the burden of the dead on her shoulders and unable to do her task without help, but it too proud to admit it to her people, so she has to rely on an outsider....and I adopt them. It's the same reason Taya and Capella are my faves in Pathologic, haha. But also Riju's remarkably good-spirited about her whole deal, her oracle sand-seal Patricia who only speaks in puns, and a town of adult women who are entirely reliant on her.

Least Favourite Character

Revali. I wish there was a little more going on with this bird to justify his attitude beyond simple jealousy/rivalry, and I've seen some great fanon elaborations on him that I've really enjoyed (esp. regarding his friendship with Zelda, which I've fully accepted into my wheelhouse), but if we're going strictly off canon, he's not got a lot going on, and I wish there was a little more!

OH, but also Purah. Not in terms of her characterization necessarily, but how much she's coded to appeal to the worst types of gamers. First she's my beloathed trope of immortal loli, and then she's THE main fanservice in ToTK as aged up basic sexy girl, and everything about her design and everything squicks me out terribly. She and Robbie are so much fun in Hyrule Warriors, but I hate interacting with her within the BOTW/TOTK timeline, because you always have to deal with all that nonsense.

5 Favourite Ships

This is hard! I don't really ship too many people in Breath of the Wild? I find the world so much more interesting, but like.

Ganon/Link/Zelda - The beating heart of the series and their fascinating/godly destiny/duty ties them altogether, and although BOTW/TOTK outright refuse to give Ganon anything even vaguely resembling a character, I still think it's intriguing! I have so many ideas swirling in my head about how you could only have to tweak a few memories to make Ganon a more justified villain in TOTK that would actually make this compelling.

Cece/Lasli - Fashion lesbians! I think Lasli's practicality would clash interestingly with Cece being a diva, it would be a disaster, but also quite cute, I think! There's of course, the tragedy of Lasli's dead ex inbetween them, that's always fun to explore.

Riju/Yunobo - This is my weird crackship that I really developed while playing the spinoff, Hyrule Warriors, Age of Calamity. Their relationship to their mentors is very similar, their hangups about leadership and their place in their community is very similar, and they both love zooming across the game map. They are also very similar in age! If you play the games in Japanese, where we don't have the weird surfer dub for Yunobo, Yunobo and Riju are both 13 years old, and they're both very endearing.

Paya/Tauro - I love how genuinely positive and cute they are in ToTK! I'm so glad that Paya moved on from her crush on Link and instantly found somebody who actually validates her scholarly and leadership skills everyday, and encourages her to be her best self. They have a fun banter.

Koltin/Loone - Another fun little crackship! The girl who's obsessed with leviathans and guardians, and Koltin, THE monster guy. He knows everything about monsters and thinks they're misunderstood! I feel like they would get along. It's a shame we can't hook them up in-game.

Character I find Attractive

Ganondorf. Duh. He's a handsome man.

Character I would Marry

Teba seems like a good husband and dad. Also he's just very cool, haha. Or maybe Purah? I feel like we'd probably get along.

Character I would be Best Friends With

Gosh, probably Sidon! He's very supportive and nice. I feel like I would thrive with that sort of energy in my life. And I could help him be a better leader. Or Purah and/or Robbie, they're very hectic and manic but real dedicated to their work, and I am nothing at heart, if no a workaholic myself, lol.

Unpopular Opinion

I've seen more consensus agree with me lately, as the hype around ToTK has started to fade away, but I'm very frustrated by the Zonai and the way they handled that! It's so frustrating to see Zelda, whose lesson in BoTW was that her Father was wrong, the kingdom and its tenets were wrong, blind faith was wrong and that it was her love for her friends that saved her in he end--then learn the lesson in ToTK that monarchy is fine, everybody should just attempt to emulate the past, and that everything in the past was good.

I think constantly about the fact that Rauru's four sages, the people who swore fealty to him--have no identities. No names, no faces, no real agency or personality beyond their duty to the sacred stone, and their species. There's something very unsettling about that, and something very unsettling coupled with the Depths, this creepy, hollow, empty place that the Zonai mined out and left nothing in return. The Doylist explanation is, of course, that there are no writing credits on ToTK and they just didn't have the time to flesh out the Sages or the Depths, because they had to move on to making the new Zelda game for Switch 2. But the Watsonian explanation could have been really fascinating, it could make the Zonai more morally ambiguous. These aliens who came to Earth to mine the Earth for power and pulled people into their thrall for that power--which they saw as ultimately a tool to progress everybody's society, but also can be seen from Ganondorf's perspective as something horrifying. What is the worth of progress if it comes at the expense of identity?

But that would involve the writers having to grapple with the colonialism inherent to the premise they are creating here. And they want Rauru to be good, Hyrule to be good and Ganondorf to be straightforwardly evil. And that's sad to me, because Wind Waker and Twilight Princess, to an extent, are about the failures of the old rulers and their approaches, and how our heroes have to do better. And the fact Nintendo refused to do that here thematically makes me sad!

Most badass character

Urbosa! I LOVE fighting as her in Hyrule Warriors, and she's also just such a fun design and cool and supportive at the same time.

Pairing I am Not Fond Of

Sidon/Link. Not that I hate it or anything! I can see it, it's a very plausible pairing, but often a lot of people sideline Zelda entirely when they write it, and that's annoying to me. I don't like when yaoi shippers discard the most important women to a man's life to make it gay.

Characters I feel the Writers screwed up

Ganondorf! Evil brown guy is just evil because he's brown. Very annoying to not even try to make that feel more nuanced in the year 2023, but whatever.

Favourite Friendship

Robbie and Purah! I love their dumb banter and bickering in all of the games. Inventor duo, they hate each other and would die for each other, and when they work together, they can make the impossible happen. I love how much they both fight for credit on petty things, but they do always say the other was instrumental to their success. Their fighting style in Hyrule Warriors, where Robbie is the one piloting their mech-suit, while Purah just perches on the shoulder and shows off when they do their special attack--everything to me!

Zelink beneath the readmore!

When I Started Shipping It

Probably as SOON as I got to that memory in BOTW, where they're in the rain, and Zelda asks him if he had a chance to be anything else other than a knight, would he have taken it? And the look he gives her as he turns back, and the way the scene is framed when he's jolted out of the memory...argh, that's when the brainworms really started. But also I really did like that moment where she tries to get him to eat a frog, after complimenting his ability to tame horses. It's just cute, idk! They're the thematic core of the story. It's about the inevitable destiny of it, and how Zelda bucks against their fated destiny, but Link embraces it, because he is a man guided by devotion and courage, and her wisdom means she knows it's a bad idea--but how can she do anything but love it/him? There's something just a bit doomed to all of their interactions, and it makes me go insane!

My Thoughts (Good/Bad)

I find it bad for worldbuilding as a whole, but fascinating for their dynamic, that Skyward Sword makes Zelda the living incarnation of Hylia, because then you're constantly left with the question: is Link simply extending his devotion towards the Goddesses by loving Zelda, or does he love Zelda and the Goddess separately? Is that even possible to separate Zelda from the Goddess? What does it mean for your temple of devotion to be a person? And in BOTW/ToTK where they are haunted by failure and loss, where there's unspoken resentment towards each other they both have to let go of, Zelda in the past, and Link in the present, that infuses their dynamic with such fun tension, even when they do wholeheartedly love each other and do just get along. I find it tragic, and fun, and sweet and sad all at once. I love a good destined lovers, where neither is entirely sure if that's a good idea, or there's a certain exhaustion to it, because it's inevitable anyway...

Things Done in Fanfic That Annoy Me

When in post-botw fics they have kids, rule the restored kingdom of Hyrule together, and don't seem to have any trauma. They're both feral, they're of the Wild now, and if Link actually loved Zelda and Hyrule, he'd never support her remaking Hyrule Kingdom ever again. They're just not capable of having a happy nuclear family in that way, sorry!

People also make Link SO masculine in such a weird way sometimes in fanfic--no??? Even if you don't headcanon him trans, he's like...so distanced from the kind of daddy dom masculinity that so many fanfic writers seem to default onto a lot of sex?? He's very gender-fluid and I just can't ever see him in that kind of aggressive way. It's always very jarring and unpleasant. I also think people really overplay the enemies-to-lovers of pre-canon BOTW, which sometimes leads to fics where they're like...doing petty revenge on each other or like having dramatic blowouts--which always feels a bit unrealistic to me? I'm very picky about the zelinks I like ^^;;;

I also just hate modern AU in general. They don't make sense outside of the feudal system and those external pressures/divine pressures!! Bodyguard/celebrity will NEVER hit in the same way as knight/princess.

Who I'd be Comfortable With Them Ending Up With, if Not Each Other

Link has vibes with a lot of people! Honestly, in Windwaker, I don't ship Link/Tetra at all! Link and Medli is far more compelling to me. And TP, Midna and Zelda are so in love, and Link's just kind of there, he doesn't even know Zelda xD In BOTW, I feel like Impa/Zelda makes a lot of sense, and Link has chemistry with all sorts: Sidon, Paya, Beedle, all the random NPCs that flirt with him. I'm so rarely a single shipper, haha.

My Happily Ever After For Them

Wandering through the world as travelling diplomats/adventurers, with their home in Hateno whenever they're taking a break, and vacationing everywhere, as Zelda slowly writes her scientific 1000 page dissertation about the nature of the world, and Link writes the ultimate cookbook. The Triforce calls them to duty, but they mostly ignore those urges. They're done with divine duty--they only have duty towards each other and the world now.