#i know i keep talking about this analysis but i am SO EXCITED ABOUT IT YOU GUYS

[aemiron-main]

going insane because the s5 mike death flags are aligning exactly with my gay mike analysis + his narrative as a character and what he represents and how we can use that to demonstrate whats going to happen to him in s5 and why gay mike is a core part of mike’s arc as a character and resolution of the narrative and metaphors of st +  then that’s also tying into my music analysis and oh my god i just need to finish this analysis but there’s So Much to say  its all coming together. though. the math is mathing. 

[jaspvids]

The Diagnosis Of David

Disclaimer: I am by no means a mental health professional. This is just a meta-analysis.

What do we think of when we think of David?

His values of kindness. Optimism. Hope. Conviction. Passion. His drive to do his best every single day. The way he always makes an effort to reach out to others.

But also:

Attachment issues. People pleaser. Rose-colored glasses wearer. And at times, though the fandom doesn’t want to acknowledge it — Selfish. Unstable. Rude. Hypocritical. Kind of a dick.

See this video I made;

He’s complex, so let’s try to unpack him, and figure out what he’s got going on under that floof.

On David’s Childhood

David has been through a number of traumatic events in his childhood, most notably:

Witnessing Jasper fall to his near-death.

Finding Jasper, and being almost mauled by bears during the escape.

Clown school was apparently very bad, given the flashback-like reaction he had when it was mentioned. I’m unsure of his age when this occurred, however.

The fight with Jasper at the cave before they parted ways.

Losing Jasper. He says Cameron told him he was picked up by his parents, but I’m not convinced it’s not just his mind trying to erase painful memories.

As far as what we don’t necessarily see in the show, but can infer, David’s father was either not present or not great. He dreamt Cameron was his real father, as seen below.

And we all know Cameron is an awful father figure to begin with.

Yet, that’s better to David, apparently, than whatever he had at home. Which implies it was likely a pretty bad situation.

This can also be backed up by his attachment to the camp — growing up (and even now) it seems to be more of a home to him than his actual home.

That’s a home that hasn’t ever been mentioned, by the way. Contrary to Gwen, we know absolutely nothing about his family. He hasn’t talked about them once, if I recall correctly.

David is often open with emotions, if not wearing his heart on his sleeve. So why would he never mention his family and home?

We know why.

Even as an adult, he has retained this attachment to Cameron (who has in turn, continued to use this attachment to his benefit). He gets very excited about helping Cameron change in “keep the change” — because he needs to believe people who hurt him can get better. Otherwise, it’s too painful to bear.

The Loss Of Jasper

Part of his childhood, but significant enough to warrant its own section.

Jasper and David had a very interesting relationship. We’ve seen in the past that David was pessimistic, foulmouthed, and hot-tempered, directly compared to an optimistic, peppy, popular Jasper.

But then Jasper saw Cameron’s real self, and David received a modicum of praise for what was likely the first time based on his reaction. And so, they basically did somewhat of a switcheroo.

(David takes on many traits of Jasper after this experience, showing that he does admire him at the end of the day. I believe these traits are the foundation of David’s many masks.)

Despite the whole shebang, further episodes show us that they form a strong bond (or maintain one, we don’t know what happened before the first Jasper and David episode.)

What makes this friendship especially crucial in David’s development is that I believe Jasper was the first person to truly stand up for David.

David is, as we have seen, easily manipulated. Jasper picks up on this, and knowing Cameron’s just trying to use his best friend, tries to take Cameron down.

Jasper essentially died trying to protect David.

If Jasper hadn’t died, I don’t think David would have ended up as gullible and dependent as he is. If he had the more rational and realistic Jasper by his side during the rest of his developmental years, I believe things would have ended up much, much differently.

With Jasper’s death, there seems to be nobody else at camp who knows of Cameron’s crimes, or possibly, doesn’t want to speak out about them. Nobody to stand up for him. Nobody to redirect him.

So there’s nobody to stop the unhealthy-attachment-train from picking up speed.

Cameron And David’s Relationship

Cameron is manipulative and abusive towards David. This even becomes physical:

Despite this, David continues to idolize him as is seen in many cases of abuse. He works his ass off maintaining Cameron’s camp. Cameron’s approval makes or breaks him, because this is the man he sees as a father, unfortunately.

In addition, David is unable to let go of the hope that Cameron can change, because he’s convinced himself that deep down Cameron is still “good”, based on his skewed perception of him. And we all know how that ended.

But as Diane from Bojack Horseman once said —

And that is David’s problem — he wants so much for there to be a “deep down”, that there will be a day where Cameron showers him with praise and throws signed adoption forms at him, etcetera.

He judges Cameron not on who he actually is, but who he wants him to be. And so, the unhealthy attachment remains.

(Which is, of course, incredibly destructive to his mental health.)

Other Things We Know About His Mental Health, From Canon

We know he takes meds.

We know he has (sometimes dissociative) panic attacks.

We know he has been seen to suddenly snap, even to the point of violence.

My Final Conclusion: C-PTSD

(As the trauma has been not just one event, but many over the course of his life, and among other reasons, I believe CPTSD fits better than PTSD.)

David meets much of the criteria, most notably:

Lack of emotional regulation

Dissociation

Flashbacks

Anxiety

Guilt and shame

Distorted perception of abuser

Relationship difficulties

Okay this was long I’m tired good night.

[moonlessdusk]

I LOVE THE MKULIA ANALYSIS PLS DO MORE

Like can we talk about the fact that Julia appeared sad/remorseful for screwing over Mk in the baking challenge?? This girl LOVES doing that to the other contestants, this is the one time where she actually wasn't happy with it at all

Yes!! I’ve been thinking a lot about how Julia and MK have been interacting since the merge, tbh.

So once again, when it comes to grouping contestants together, MK and Julia are on opposing sides. I think it’s worth noting that when they make their way to the ingredient raft, Julia and MK don’t target each other’s team. In fact, they go for the assumed power couple/alliance of Priya and Caleb:

You could argue that this is strategic considering that Priya’s team is the largest team but considering Raj took the opportunity to hit MK back in the water when she first tried climbing on the raft, it’s evident that Julia’s teammates aren’t on the same page as her.

Now when we get to the baking section of the challenge and Priya’s team just used their sabotage device on Julia and MK’s team, look at how excited Julia is to sabotage back. This is our reference for when she genuinely doesn’t care about the reactions from the people she’s screwing over:

So somehow the kitchen-quake sabotage didn’t really slow MK down, at least compared to Julia, which I can only assume is because Julia has limited ingredients to work with. So with only 60 minutes left, Julia still mixing, and MK’s cake out of the oven, Julia used her sabotage option and this is her face when she initially pressed the button:

It’s a face that we would normally expect from her when she’s spitefully trying to hurt someone. Maybe she wasn’t fully thinking it through when she pressed it and just got desperate. It’s only when Chris asks who Julia wants to sabotage does it look like Julia actually realizes what she’s about to do and she looks immediately regretful and beside herself over it:

A Julia that doesn’t care who’s she hurting wouldn’t slump her shoulders over like this.

Now, a slight tangent I want to mention is how these two have been acting during challenges since the merge. They’ve been distant and avoiding talking to each other. My theory, which I think is supported by the next episode, is that they don’t want to make their alliance obvious. In theory, it would be advantageous for either to get immunity, but given how Julia already played a dirty trick, it’s fair to assume she’s in danger if she doesn’t win immunity.

Also, everyone else knows that MK specifically cheated pre-merge, but I think it was a choice for MK to not snitch on Julia in the moment, because that would put a target on both their backs post-merge. I think they’re trying to not make it obvious that they’re working together. Maybe MK had a lot of trust in Julia to get her out of the situation. And given who’s left, I don’t think anyone in the field other than the hockey bros has too much of a reason to be weary of them.

⚠️Spoilers for the upcoming episode names and descriptions⚠️

If you assume the descriptions are real, I think it makes sense for Julia to keep Priya and Caleb in the game; Caleb as a hate buffer and Priya as a challenge threat buffer. Keeping them around while keeping them from cooperating with each other makes it so that eyes are kept off of her and MK until it’s safe for them to pick them off individually.

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

Back to the episode, MK has this confessional where she says she’s not surprised Julia would use her sabotage on her. Specifically says “Am I surprised Julia would backstab her alliance partner? Yeah, no.” And while her words themselves would mean she doesn’t care, look at her expression. She’s clearly bothered by it, even if she does understand why it had to be done:

And we know by the next episode that this isn’t a one-off line. In fact, look at where Julia and MK are when they’re walking to the elimination ceremony:

These two are almost always walking and sitting right next to each other at this point. Specifically, it looks like Julia is lagging behind, avoiding MK, you could say. On the walk there, we see Julia smile for a moment, but cut to the bonfire and she keep this somber expression throughout it. She has immunity but I think it hits her here that it could’ve been at the cost of MK, if not putting her on the chopping block, then it’s the good will between them.

I just love the setup in this episode because it sets the groundwork for establishing that their care for each other is beyond utility in the competition.

[mixu]

Hi, hope you are doing well. )

I am curious to know your impressions, anecdotes, experience of being a veteran SNS shipper. How was your experience with Naruto fandom? Has it changed? It would be great if you could talk about it.

Hi! I hope you’re doing well too. I barely receive any asks, so I’m excited.

Ah, my experiences and anecdotes being in the fandom, especially as a SNS shipper (does it count as shipping if they’re canon?) … It’s more than half of my life (I feel like I’m talking to my grandchildren) so this could get long.

I’ve been part of the fandom for 17 years, but it’s just recently that I’ve gotten to interact more with other fans both pro and anti sns. This mainly for three reasons:

Time period

When I entered the fandom internet and social media weren’t what they are today (that’s how old I am). I barely had access to internet for school and quickly read the new manga chapter before having to disconnect.

Location

Younger people don’t realize this but the globalization of manga and anime are quite recent. Now you can find merchandise even at the supermarket and a great catalogue of series is at your disposal with minimal effort. And being an “otaku” in the 2000’s was begging to be bullied at least in my country, so I preferred to keep my interests to myself.

My personality

I’m not the most social of people.

Thus, in the beginning, the fandom was nonexistent to me. It was just me, what Kishi wrote and my thoughts.

Little by little I got to interact with other people who were mainly shônen fans, and never read outside of that demographic, so there was no chance they would recognize a “non-pure shônen” even if it hit them in the face. There was not much to discuss aside from who would beat who, and I wouldn’t have been able to articulate it back then anyway, but my guts knew there was something different about Naruto. More than met the eye.

I next met a different part of the fandom in the form of fanart and fanfiction, but at that time it never crossed my mind that people would cling to those non-canon portrayals with their life. I would say most of these fans are avid consumers from other demographics that got attracted because something (the romance or the potential gayness) caught their eye, but are only interested in how to bend the characters to fit their vision. I know fanfiction and fanart are supposed to be self-indulgent, I enjoy it and write it even, but I’ve mostly managed to separate from the real thing. Not many discussions about the story as a whole (please keep in mind we were all teenagers back then).

So, none of those previous fan groups seemed to understand what I couldn’t put into words, and for the longest time, because my understanding of Naruto and Sasuke’s story was mostly instinctual, I had to go along with it. I let myself be gaslighted into believing my thoughts were just a byproduct of my fujoshi tendencies (I guess it could be right to call me fujoshi, but never due to Naruto).

After a quite long break, not just from Naruto but from manga and anime in general, I came into contact with the more educated part of the fandom in tumblr, and I finally got to put into words what was behind Naruto and Sasuke’s dynamic thanks to all of the great analysis that I found. I got vindicated and felt like I could finally live in peace but it was short lived.

When I met all the crazy antis, oh boy, I understood why ignorance is bliss.

That being said, there are indeed a bunch of obstacles between the fandom and understanding the true significance of Naruto’s story. However, not all of them are due to lack of knowledge when it comes to narrative devices and storytelling tools. I’m far from proficient in that topic and I can confidently say I got it.

Discarding those who will perpetually live in denial due to bigotry, homophobia, lack of an open mind, cultural differences, etc, and after much pondering elicited by this post of yours, I’ve come to the conclusion that the shônen label holds way more power than I originally thought. Or better say, all that shônen represents functions as the most effective reality filter.

Because Naruto was labeled as shônen:

The dudebros who only care about the power escalation won’t understand even if they are not homophobic because they came for the blattles and cool powers, nothing else matters.

The lost shôjo readers who force nh and ss into focus and think they can bend the “romance” to cater to their taste because a shonen writer would drop the ball with something as delicate. “Let Kishimoto draw his battles, we will fix the deficient love story because we know how true romance it’s supposed to look like. We wouldn’t be interfering with the hero’s story, anyway.”

All the while ignoring they are dragging a bunch of toxic tropes with them. They don’t see their pairings as failures because shôjo also has its good share of toxicity and abuse.

The fujoshi and fundashi who despite coming after the gayness, still miss the point because they do not care about the story so long as two hot men are kissing or fucking or whatever. They don’t actually believe in sns because most of their pairings are ships for fun, anything can be shipped, (pencil-senpai and sharpener-kun) so they see Naruto as a love story only under their terms but never in canon.

Then we have people that read a wider range but fail to look at the story as anything else than one written for male teenagers. Got shôjo for romance seinen and josei for more maturity, so shônen is meant for an easy quick snack.

Some of my friends, that I consider very intelligent people, way more versed in storytelling and narrative and whatnot than me, who are definitely not bigots or homophobic, still miss the point because they weren’t looking for it. They realized only after I pointed it out (I even made a ppt presentation, but that’s another story).

As for the people who understand from the beginning:

There’s of course those with the knowledge to dissect the story, and who can consciously ignore the restrictions of the labels.

Yet another group (I consider myself part of this one) that manage to bypass the rules only guided by instinct, but kept second-guessing themselves until they met someone from the previous group.

Then there’s my mother, bless her, who watches anime and loves her romances, but knows shit about manga demographics and wonders how the fuck Naruto and Sasuke gave birth to Boruto because in her eyes that little piece of shit has to be their son.

So once again, it all comes back to Kishimoto and his decision sell his soul to Jump. Was it all for fame or money? Was he too hopeful and naïve? Was it all a cruel prank?

What happened to mangakas like Tezuka? That man knew no limits.

That’s it for my thoughts on and interactions with the fandom. I think I leave my evolution as a sns stan for later if you’re interested in it.

[justanotherblogger]

JUST WATCHED EPISODES 7 AND 8 AND UNHOLY SH-

Look at all that Alastor LORE!!!!!

I AM SO EXCITED YOU DONT EVEN KNOW PEOPLE. WE HAVE BEEN FED WELL.

I also want to say that I was so freaking right in my first ramble about Alastor. Almost everything but his human life was freaking given to me in these episodes! I am very happy. Previous Ramble

*Ahem* Now, this is just a small analysis of Alastor scenes from both episodes, and I'll probably post my theories and stuff about it in a seperate post! I am currently frothing at the mouth. Obvious spoilers ahead!

Ok, so the first thing I saw was how Alastor jumped at the opportunity to go up to talk personally with Charlie.

Episode 7 thoughts:

I tried to steer away from sneak peak and spoilers, but I did get bombarded with little gifs of Alastor kicking his feet on Charlie's bed. Ruined the freaking surprise.

Anyways, Alastor obviously seemed to coerce Charlie into feeling rushed to a decision, which was obviously a deal with him.

I didn't expect him not to go for Charlie's soul. I saw so many people theorizing that was why he was at the hotel in the first place, and everything that lead up to Alistor finally making a deal throughout the other episodes, was a favor. A favor that didn't involve harm, no less.

This is still something very big, especially a favor from a princess of hell. I think the favor he needs eventually might be to help him break free of his leash, or to help protect him when he finally does in case things go south afterwards. Or maybe it could be a favor to somehow see how his mother is doing, the first much more dramatic, but I'd be happy with either.

Now there's Alastors demon form during the deal. Unholy cow, there's a lot to unpack. The first thing I noticed was Alastors FULLY STICTED smile. Like, entirely across. This could just be his true demonic from, or someone else did this to him to keep him smiling. From slipping up in his forced persona.

We also see how he can't stop smiling, even when by himself, drained of power, and hurt in his destroyed radio tower after the sngel attack. He rants and seemingly has a breakdown, but keeps smiling.

This could be how, like I said in my previous ramble, he uses his smile as a shield and as a defense for himself, like he stated to Charlie during the deal scene. Or, it's permanently there because it's just what he got stuck with in hell, or someone wanted to keep him smiling.

Speaking of which, the color is what's bothering me. There isn't much green in the pride ring other than Alastor himself. Almost every attack he's thrown has had green in it, with the crazy floating symbols, his explosions, and his void he controls has a bit of green. He can also invert colors. Why is that, when everything about him is red and black, matching the pride ring, his stitches and powers are green, like someone else's power.

There's also stitching all over his clothing, maybe as symbolism to keeping the persona up that the person who has his leash has made for him to play at the hotel.

Moving on to cannibal town, I adore Alastor and Rosie together. They bounce off each other well and just seem like real good friends. Love their dynamic! (Also, WOOOOOH! Canon Ace Alastor! Well, from Rosie. STILL THO! I am so happy, from a fellow asexual)

I was kind of sad when I realized Alastor could speak without his radio in hand when Charlie went singing with it as Alastor advertised the Executioner meat awaiting all the cannibals, with Charlie still holding the microphone. Would've been some entertaining stuff if he couldn't talk without it.

I don't really have much else to say about cannibal town, other than the Alastor comment near the end where it seems he's considering manipulating her to keep her on his side, to keep him on the winning one.

Now, episode 8.

This episode was a lot. In a good way, but still a lot.

Before the exterminators, everyone in the main cast was drinking, relaxing, and saying possible final goodbyes. Not Alastor. He was up on the balcony, watching the scene unfold.

They talk about how they enjoy the main casts company, and Alastor feels a bit sentimental as he admits he could get accustomed. Focus on the could part of that. He seems to imply he can't stay or things can't stay this way for long. Is it because of the reason he's at the hotel?

I do love Nifty and Alastor interactions. I wonder why they're so close compared to everyone else's relationship with Alastor in the main cast. Could they both be under the same leash, leaving some sympathy forbthe other? Or maybe Alastor just likes to see that gremlins shenanigans.

Now to the actual battle, Alstor was freaking peak at the beginning! His shield literally blocked off all angel interactions from the outside to keep the troops away, and it didn't even seem to tire out Alastor in the slightest!

The thing with him controlling those void tentacles to hold angelic weapons to kill the outsiders trying to break through is also just so cool to see because of Alastors ingenuity.

It took a strike from Adam just to break it, and I feel that's an accomplishment. For Adam to do something himself that all the other angels can't I feel is impressive, because he's not the head of the angelic army for no reason. I doubt heaven is that stupid to give a f-boy full control over the troops with no talent or experience to plan or lead them, at least.

Now for the Adam vs Alastor battle.

This had me at the edge of my seat, begging for Alastor not to be the one to be killed off this season.

I knew Alastor wasn't going to win, but he did have a good start. It seemed like he was toying and not taking this seriously, with full confidence in his abilities.

But that was until Adam finally got serious again, and broke his radio staff. His metaphorical (maybe literal based on his reaction) wall of defense.

This had me shook, as I saw my boy get beat in a couple of seconds. The radio staff was probably the source of at least a bit of his power from this person holding his leash, as he was worried enough about it to curse with no static in his voice during mid battle, leaving himself wide open. Or maybe this was just one of the times Alastor slipped up. It could also be the reason why he only used shadows, one of his only not-green abilities.

He still could move and talk, and I doubt he could attack or summon anything after being DIRECTLY HIT, POINT BLANK, WITH AN ANGELIC WEAPON, FROM PROBABLY ONE OF THE STRONGEST ANGELS IN THAT FREAKING EXTERMINATION, WHILE FREAKING SURVIVING AND GETTING BETTER THROUGHOUT JUST A COUPLE OF HOURS AT MOST.

(Also, shut up Vox. I know you freaking have the hate/obsession going on with the guy, but he probably lasted better than you could have, especially since you would've most likely been wire spaghetti after that hit from Adam)

I just realized that when rewatching, as before, I was just focusing on hoping he wouldn't be the one to die. But how did he survive that, and get pretty much better as soon as he got back to the radio tower? Maybe radio waves heal him, or he just has crazy recovery speed.

Now to the long awaited radio tower scene. I was hoping he would've gotten his own song by now, but maybe that shows how he needs someone else's push to be able to push on his own, like both his duets in the previous episodes.

Maybe we'll get an emotional song from him in the future. Crossing my fingers for that and a S2 as soon as possible!

Now the actual scene got me thinking. How Alastor is DEFINITELY under someone's control, as he also explicitly states it was a deal. Most likely for his soul, considering his want for freedom and to be able to do his own thing again.

I did see how Alastor was so desperate in his song snip about how he needs to find a way out of this deal he has made, with some of the most raw expressions we've seen of him to date.

But something did strike me. That on line from his song.

That's a bit of weird wording there Viv. Like, I know this is like an implication for his freedom, but imagine Alastor was a fallen angle or heavenly deity of some kind, like how the Cherubs got banished from heaven in Helluva Boss. Might explain how he didn't immediately die from Adams attack. (As you can see, I'm a bit delusional. But imagine if I was right tho)

But do imagine though, what this might imply for Alastor. How maybe the leash is holding something more than just his freedom, maybe how Alastor might've been even more powerful than he is right now, with the holder keeping some of his original raw power from his grasp, making him rely on their green power to survive and stay at the top.

The green light surrounding him with the line about him pulling the strings might also be how Alastor might want to take his holder's place, how when he's finally free from them he'll finally be able to take over that green with his own power, with his shadow.

I'm still wondering if Alastor is hiding side affects or pain from getting a beat down courtesy of Adam at the end there, as he seemed to take the most damage out of everyone while staying 'alive'.

Anyways, I need to wake up early tomorrow, and writing this in the middle of the night as it struck won't be pleasant for future me, but at least I could get all my thoughts together.

I am still obsessed with this deer man, if you couldn't tell already. I am so tired. If you saw any typos, no, you actually didn't.

[ceterisparibus116]

Hey. Why do you think Karen Page is a character people seem to hate so much? I’m fairly new to the fandom and I’ve seen people even badmouthing the actress as well, which is awful. I am curious to know what you think about it.

Welcome to the fandom! 💖 I'm so excited for you and I'm super happy that, despite being newish, you're interacting like this. (It took me an embarrassing amount of time to be brave enough to send asks to people lol.)

Also, this is such an interesting question.

I want to address the attacks against Deborah Ann Woll first. No matter how anyone feels about a character, it's absolutely despicable to attack the actor over it. Most of the attacks I've seen have been about her looks, or about her acting abilities. It's fine to critique acting abilities, but looks should be off the table. But even the critiques of her acting abilities aren't actually critiques - they're just, like you said, badmouthing, with little to no analysis. To me, that indicates that they're hating on the actress just because they're emotional (angry or annoyed) over the character.

So why do people get so emotional over Karen?

I think the easiest explanation is: ship wars. Some people struggle to enjoy their favorite ship without tearing down competitor ships. And since Karedevil is one of the few ships that was actually canon (albeit temporarily, but S3 ended with them being pretty flirty again), Karen becomes a huge target.

Another explanation is that Karen appears to be written inconsistently. Personally, I don't think she actually is (except perhaps in The Punisher; I'm not sure because I've only seen S1 of The Punisher). The argument goes: "She loves Daredevil until she finds out Daredevil is Matt, and then she treats it like an addiction, despite being supportive of Frank."

The counter-argument, to me, is clear: she still loves Daredevil, but she hates being lied to and put on a pedestal. Matt did both of those things. Frank (for the most part) did neither of those things. Her issue is with Matt, not Daredevil (which she makes explicitly clear in S3E1, but people still apparently confused on this point). With that in mind, I think she's written consistently in an incredibly nuanced way.

Another explanation is that Karen is a character who doesn't learn from her mistakes. She's rash and reckless and she lies just as much as Matt, and more often than not, people end up dead because of it. Ben is the most obvious and chilling example. Yet even after her actions get Ben killed, and she expresses serious guilt and remorse, she continues to do the same thing. That makes people wonder: is she stupid? Or, worse: was her guilt and remorse only an expression of her personal grief, and not actually the result of evaluating her actions affected Ben?

This, to me, is the most fair critique of Karen, and I sympathize with people who dislike her because of it. I will point out, however, that Matt and Foggy also repeat the same mistakes. It's obvious with Matt; it's talked about less often with Foggy, but I roll my eyes every time he acts like Matt and Karen are being reckless for wanting to operate outside the law - despite the fact that every time they limit their plans to operating inside the law, people end up dead. This makes me wonder: is Foggy stupid? Or does he simply care more about keeping Matt and Karen alive (and out of jail) than he cares about other people dying?

The actual explanation, I think, is that Daredevil is a show about very flawed and surprisingly realistic characters. People rarely shake off old habits and bad ways of thinking quickly. No matter how many times you tell a person that their friends are there for them, they (like Matt) may continue to push people away if that's their coping mechanism. No matter how many times you tell a person to ask for help before doing something alone, they (like Karen) may continue to go rogue if that gives them some feeling of control over their lives. No matter how many times you tell a person that the systems they want to trust are broken, they (like Foggy) may continue insisting that everyone should trust the system if they continue seeing the world through a lens of privilege.

Can it be frustrating to watch? Absolutely. Is it a good reason to hate a character? I'd say no, but I guess that's more subjective. Is it a reminder to all of us to be gentle and patient both with ourselves and with other people when we find ourselves making the same mistakes over and over? I hope so!

I've said before that I sometimes feel self-conscious over the fact that, in my longer stories, a character's growth is rarely linear. It's usually what I think of as a spiral. They make a mistake, they learn from it...and then the stakes rise, and so they fall back on that old mistake again, since it's comfortable and familiar, rather than trying a new approach. Or the character tries to blend the old mistake with the new approach, to varying degrees of success. Sometimes I worry that this feels repetitive, or like the character isn't learning.

But from the comments I've received, people seem to appreciate it more often than not. They resonate with it and relate to it.

So now that I think of it...maybe the root problem is simply that Daredevil doesn't have author's notes telling us why Karen (and Foggy and Matt) are making the same mistake again. 😅

Or maybe people are more compassionate towards characters in fanfiction than on TV? Or maybe people are more compassionate towards the main character than the side character? Or maybe it's misogyny? Or maybe people are just less compassionate towards Karen in particular because she threatens their favorite ship.

Aaaaand this post has come full circle.

[monsterblogging]

So, something finally clicked into place re: Harry Potter and why people get so attached to it, despite it being... shall we say, not that good.

Now I want y'all to keep in mind, I am saying this as a former Harry Potter fan who still occasionally feels nostalgia for the franchise. As in, what I'm about to say here is informed by personal experience and self-analysis as much as anything.

It finally clicked that Harry Potter hooks you by the emotional vulnerabilities.

As someone who's studied various cults, and knows how they play to your emotions to suck you in, I can definitely say that Harry Potter many of the same moves.

Now, I'm not saying that Harry Potter fandom is a cult. I'm not saying that JK Rowling did this with any kind of deliberate intention. I'm talking about this to get anyone who has any kind of positive feelings toward this franchise critically thinking about what the foundation of their relationship with it really is.

To put it quite simply, cults often promise an escape from the ordinary world, and an entry into a world filled with wonder, belonging, and a sense of identity. There's groups out there who will tell you what kind of magic space alien your soul is, and what your very special purpose for incarnating on this Earth in a human body is.

The actual beliefs and moral precepts cults hold to are never really deep, but are always geared to play to your emotions. There's nearly always a clear-cut enemy responsible for everything we're supposed to hate. Cults often praise love and unity as the best things in the world, and believe that their power can overcome all evil.

It's easy to miss how the wizarding world is actually a soul-crushing dystopia when you're being distracted by the latest magical novelty.

It's easy to overlook how cruel and petty people in wizarding society actually are when your emotions are being played with stuff about love being the greatest magic of all.

It's easy to miss how the Hogwarts house system functions to foster rivalry between students and creates an environment (Slytherin House) where students are allowed to simmer in and internalize the Wizarding World's most rancid political ideologies when the house you or a quiz picked for you is your shiny new identity.

"I like Harry Potter because it's about the power of friendship triumphing over evil!" Yeah, that's... exactly my point.

And like, I'm not saying that the fact that this stuff appeals to people is a bad thing in itself. All of this stuff touches on very fundamental psychological needs. The point I'm making here is that these things are so fundamental that when we're deprived of them (whether or not we even consciously realize we're deprived), when something seems to offer them to us, it creates this massive emotional attachment that does not fade easily.

I still have an emotional attachment to Harry Potter, even though when I stop and ask myself what it's got that I actually find all that spectacularly compelling or interesting, I struggle to actually come up with an answer. Now, when I think about, say, Harry getting his wand and buying magic books and taking magic classes I feel a sense of excitement, but that's not really the same thing; because these emotions are coming from my experience as a very isolated, repressed, and understimulated child coming upon a novelty and power fantasy. When I try to think up anything in Harry Potter that I'd actually like to rotate in my mind, there's just... nothin'.

Now some of you out there might be thinking, "yeah but what about building on her ideas? What about AUs?" and like, the thing is? It doesn't appeal to me. I've got enough skill and knowledge at this point that I can sketch out a better OC than she could ever create in a couple of minutes, and a better fantasy setting in a few days or so.

To wrap this up, I guess I'll just say that really important to be able to distinguish between fiction that's actually saying something worthwhile, and fiction that's just hitting you in your emotional vulnerabilities. Of course friendship and love are important. And of course there's nothing wrong with power fantasies and escape fantasies. And not every story has to be all that deep. But you should ask yourself: could it the case that superficial messages about love, friendship, and family are distracting you from a pretty rancid worldview beneath it all?

Also, before I go - I'm just gonna say that anybody who responds to this post with praise for the fandom or the fanfiction or tells people to go buy fan merch or pirate the series or whatever is going to get blocked. Go clown somewhere else.

[johnslittlespoon]

i was so excited to listen to glass animal's new song 'creatures in heaven' today and instead my heart has been ripped out because it's so awfully painfully fitting for our mota boys (i'm currently making an angsty heartache–y edit to it lol whoops) BUCKLE UP because i need to yell (and keep scrolling if lyric analysis/song fics aren't your thing <3)

also tumblr keeps screwing with the formatting ignore that pls lol

What do you think about when you think about love? I'm dumbstruck when you're tender, but It's three in the morning, be in the moment It tears through my head, does it haunt you too?

i mean, the imagery. pillow talk, sneaking off base before dawn, vulnerability and raw honesty laying side by side in a field, looking up at the stars and wondering which ones are the people they've lost looking down at them, every peaceful, happy moment laced with the knowledge that so many friends will never get to have another one.

You held me like my mother made me just for you You held me so close that I broke in two

fuck my life. dave bayley count your days. these lines are just so viscerally painful and stunning? john feeling like every core of his being was made to fit gale, like puzzle pieces slotting together, the gaps in his life filled the moment gale enters his orbit. both of them never having experienced being treated so gently and with so much reverence, feeling taken apart and put back together in each other's arms.

You pass through my head, does it haunt you too? Never really said that I loved you, too

heavy on the angst here because this reads like post–war john pov, filled with regrets but plastering on a smile as he watches gale marry someone who isn't him, aching to tell him how he feels but knowing it will only make a mess of things. and more than anything, he wants gale to be happy, and if that means staying quiet and loving him at arm's length, he can do that. but late at night he can't help but wonder if gale ever thinks about what could've been, if all the moments they shared haunt him too.

Lucky, lucky you, 'cause I'm fortune's fool Such small words but they hit so huge

this reminded me of gale's father and his gambling and how despite everything he falls in love with john, a gambling man. such small words (don't count on it) but they mean everything :(

I don't think I realize Just how much I miss you sometimes We were young and so in love

this hurts on SO MANY LEVELS. i immediately read this as curtbucky– john never gets time to grieve, everyone just has to keep trucking on. but sometimes late at night it hits him so hard he feels like he's drowning, realizing how empty of a space curt's left, how much he truly loved him, the first person to make him feel that way.

but also can be read as buckbucky, both of them properly feeling the emptiness of not being by each other's sides for the first time before they reunite at the stalag, maybe both having a feelings–realization moment when they're hit with how wrong everything feels when they're apart.

or, post–war, john aching for gale and wishing on everything that he can just fall out of love. he knew that it would be hard, going back home and going their separate ways, even with the promise to stay in contact, but it's so much harder than he ever could have imagined.

Three in the morning, safe inside Bury me here in your laundry pile

ouch ouch ouch. a few images: john seeking out one of gale's worn shirts after his plane goes down, falling asleep with it pressed to his chest in his bed. or john stealing one of gale's shirts before they all go back home post–war, shoving it to the bottom of his suitcase, sleeping with it every night despite the way his stomach turns, feeling hollowed out as the smell of him slowly fades away. or, john staying at gale and marge's house for the wedding, having a breakdown the night after, finding himself on the floor of their laundry room at three am, curling up in a pile of dirty laundry just to feel close to gale one last time before he goes home in the morning.

I don't see the point in a subtle romance Ten tonne heartache sitting on your back

john is so all or nothing with love; when he's in, he's in, barrelling full speed ahead, giving it all up for his person. maybe the secrecy when they first start seeing each other is okay at first, little midnight rendezvous, but he craves more, he wants a future with gale so badly, he wants a house and a wedding and kids and a dog and sitting side by side on a porch at eighty years old. but he knows that gale is giving him all that he can right now, and it's better than nothing, so even though he wants so much more, he'll settle.

Scared of the crack where the light comes through I'm only really me when I'm here with you

ughhh both of them being so scared to be really seen by someone that it's terrifying how quickly they grow close. that nauseating feeling you get right after opening up to someone for the first time, the feeling of holding your breath waiting for rejection– but it never comes. they accept each other with open arms and patience and unconditional love and they show each other what it's like to be able to be so fully unapologetically real with someone for the first time. a shell of themselves when they aren't together, like they're missing one half, and it's so obvious that everyone around can see it. they share the same name for a reason.

And it gets into your head like a cosmic zoom Coat on the door like an old space suit So long cowboy, you're so cool Cash in hand with a memory of you

okay, ngl this just made me think of john ditching his coat that gale hates– even in the heat of going up on a mission, it's still in his head, enough to go through the motion of swapping it out. so long cowboy just sounds like something sweet he and curt would've said to each other honestly; thinking about john saying it again when he looks up at the stars the night he finds out curt didn't make it.

cash in hand with a memory of you? come onnn it's literally the lucky deuce. may as well have just slapped that bit of the song behind the scene of gale going through his belongings when he makes it back to base, picking up the cash and thinking about his man. </3

–anyway! apologies for the word–vomit, sometimes i just get a song wedged into the front of my skull and i am paralyzed from doing anything else until i get my thoughts out about it. and it's truly such a gorgeous song, 10/10 recommend if you feel like crying, been listening to these guys for a decade now and they never disappoint.

literally gonna agonize over making an edit for this for hours to get the vision just right and would not be surprised if i end up writing a oneshot inspired by it lol i adore every song they've put out but this one just gripped me so strongly the moment i pulled up the lyrics with how perfectly it slotted into the mota–verse. <33

[ultraviolet-cello]

Day 8 of the tristamp analysis marathon and jesus christ i am!!! really excited to do these now because people have been adding onto/being nice abt my stuff and that's super cool. Thank you again to @tristampparty for running this! I didn't manage to join in on the book club last year so it's nice to have a fun little event all the same

[But as for next book club,,,, well. I'm extremely transgender about trimax and would love to join in]

As always, spoilers for trigun stampede and trigun maximum! Also some CWs for Vash-typical passive suicidal tendencies and discussion of his psyche

So! Episode 8! I have.... mixed feelings, on how Tristamp portrays Knives. On one hand, I definitely think that we're being lead to believe that Vash has always been a peace-loving kid and that Knives has always had those tendencies, which would set up for season 2 to break that down. I hope.

The one thing I couldn't figure out, ofc, is the Knives not needing to eat thing - My friend millions-dykes theorized a black hole/white star dynamic a little while ago [as seen in the screenshot. I'm Organ, they are Nagito Malmonella]

aaaaaaaaanyway, we still get these little instances of knives just being a kid, and it's the funniest thing in the world to me. Vash is also apparently in tune with him enough to pick up on that and it's such twin behaviour.

There's also just a lot of cases of Knives smiling or being giggly around Rem, which,,,, he's such a mama's boy like we know this but it's so nice to have it reinforced. This theory of Knives having always been cold/standoffish just doesn't track - the only time he usually seems uncomfortable is when Rem touches him or when he talks about Plant stuff - particularly when he's talking about being different to Vash. Knives, to me at least, is a tad autism-coded :]

OKAY TO THE SCENE[TM]

So obviously this has changed from when we first saw Vash tell the story. Vash's sequence of events runs as follows:

Vash walks up to the little hill that Knives is laughing maniacally on top of -> Knives says "I finally did it! It worked! -> Vash confronts him with "How could you do that?" -> Knives reassures him with "Don't worry, I left the Plant ship" -> Knives says "I even got Rem killed!" -> Knives points out that Vash is his accomplice, but does not elaborate why. "Don't get mad. You're already my accomplice, isn't that right Vash?"

Now the sequence of events in this version is provably more accurate (the same audio is used in the black box recording discovered later), and goes as follows:

Vash wakes up from the escape pod and goes "Nai, where are you?" -> He spends some time following Knives' footsteps where he sees the crashed pods and fire and Knives laughing on the hill -> Knives says "I finally did it! It worked!" -> Vash says "I can't believe you killed Rem!" -> Knives says "Don't get mad. You're already my accomplice, it was you who told me the passcode - Am I right, Vash?"

So there are several inconsistencies in these two versions of events, most notably for me is that Vash is the one to bring up Rem. If the 1st telling was correct, it would imply that Knives wanted to kill Rem, but that part is conspicuously absent, because Vash is the one that brings her up.

Vash's retelling also omits the fact that he was the one to give Knives the passcode, shifting more blame onto Knives. It's very very interesting to me. Finally, Knives mostly has his back to Vash when he dissolves into laughter again. Which is a technique often used to hide if you've been crying or are having a hard time keeping some emotional responses down.

And I'm not even done with this flashback! The scene where Vash just lies down and wants to give up is,,, Well, in Trimax, ever since Tesla, Vash has struggled with suicidal ideation - he's the one that asks for Rem to just kill him, and that's heartbreaking, but we also see a bit of that leaking through here again, where he just wants to lie down and give up. It also gives me hope we're gonna see that Tesla aftermath scene in the next season, because that'll be breaking Vash down into his more complicated, messy parts.

Okay so I do think that the subtitles Aniwave uses are... a little bit Wack, I'm pretty sure that they're unofficial and probably a bit wonky, and I'm only slightly conversational in Japanese so I have 0 idea about this, but hey I think someone should inform Wolfwood, for no particular reas- [I am dragged away by security]

[I did check the dub, which referred to Plants giving birth which I think is much more likely to be accurate. But it'd still be funny for Wolfwood to have to sit through Plant sex ed so neither of them get pregnant]

Rem really was very, very young,,,,,

There are four photos here, but only one is given to Vash. I wonder why,,,, Possibly to gauge his recognition of Knives being in the photo, or keeping the other three to learn what they can about Knives.

The night/day progression cycle here doesn't really match up with Vash's little tally, so I don't think it's counting days. Given that he apparently went to say hello to everyone in cold sleep while on the ship, I think it's a little more likely that the tally marks are for them....

Do we ever actually get to hear Rem say the blank ticket thing in a flashback? I don't recall it, but it is said to Vash after the whole Stabbing Incident in Trimax, so that's possibly why they've kept it from us.

Theeee markings under this Plant's eyes match Elendira's, which. Obviously Elendira in tristamp is part plant there's just so many little details that lend themselves to it,,,

The HAIR COLOUR CHANGE AAAA

I like the little wall of Vash baby pics in the background here, but he still didn't get any of his 3 other ship pics back :(

Finally, Vash's line of "an Independent will make up for what an Independent has done" is interesting because his guilt complex really does spiral, huh. The reason Knives telling him "Oh, you just feel guilty for the Big Fall, huh?" in a later ep fucks him up so much is because like. That is kinda true to an extent. Vash is his own kind of self-deluding, but that only really starts spiraling at about this point in time.

Alright, setting up for a Day of analysis tomorrow, because I have many thoughts and feelings surrounding Knives (I love him very dearly and I hate him a lot (affectionate)) and we Will spend some time talking about Trimax Flavour Knives because my understanding of him is fundamental to my understanding of Tristamp Flavour Knives.

Thank y'all for the fun comments and theory addons!!! I'm having a lot of fun and we're really getting into how [normal] I am about Trigun!

[one-flower-one-sword]

so aside from 2x02, 2x05 is so far my favorite ep from season 2, simply for the fact that we get to see Hua Cheng fight. in previous posts, I've already analysed scenes from the novel in regards to Hua Cheng fighting while blind on one side and the logistics of his disability in general, so now I want to try it with the donghua as well. caveat and disclaimer that while I am disabled myself, I am not so in regards to my vision, so everything I know comes from research I've done rather than personal experience. if anyone reads my analysis and feels like it's wrong or offensive, please do let me know and I will correct it.

I mentioned in previous posts (like this one) that there are several instances where Hua Cheng seems to deliberatley turn his blind side towards people and that the reasons for this vary depending on context. in 2x05, Hua Cheng starts off facing Xie Lian and the others directly after he stood up from where he'd been pushed to the floor by Xie Lian:

while he's talking to them about "Ming Yi" though, he starts walking off to the side while having his blind side facing them completely. here, it comes off as a power move - a way to convey "I don't feel the need to keep you in my line of sight at all since I don't consider you serious threats worthy of my attention", without having to say any of that out loud at all:

while the action is the same, the reasoning behind it as well as the way it comes across seems very different to when he has his blind side facing Xie Lian while he's with him in Paradise Manor's main hall in the previous eps:

Xie Lian sat down first, and then Hua Cheng chose to sit with his blind side facing him. like I've argued in previous posts, Hua Cheng seems to do this when he wants to hide his expression and thereby his emotions from others. in this case, I assume it's for the same reason he withdrew from Xie Lian's touch in the ox cart - he's afraid of getting too excited and making Xie Lian uncomfortable with it. of course, he does turn his head and look at Xie Lian several times during their conversation here, but the point is that this positioning gives him the option of hiding when he feels it necessary - like when he offered the dice for Xie Lian to keep and got adorably shy about it. because while on the one hand this was a strategic move to make the whole rescue "Ming Yi" thing work, it was also a genuine gift he was offering to his god:

back to 2x05 now with a brief word from our sponsors, Hua Cheng's beautiful fingers carressing that sword hilt:

ahem. moving right along

Hua Cheng has drawn E'ming now and this is where I get less coherent because ooohh oh wow look at this. first of I love how casually threatening this comes off. most importantly though please look at the way he's holding E'ming and how it's mirroring and accentuating the angle he's standing at, the positioning of his arms, and the direction his gaze is pointed at. beautiful and deadly, no notes

then Xie Lian starts talking to him again about how he understands now that the fault lies with them but to please make an exception and show mercy, to which Hua Cheng replies in this regretful but resolute tone that there are some things one shouldn't get overly involved in. he's stopped pointing E'ming at them and switched it from his right to his left hand. but his stance has been made clear, underlined by the fact that he's now switched to facing them with his seeing side - he won't just let them leave. since Xie Lian is there, he seems wary about being the one to attack first though. this is speculation, but I assume He Xuan understands why Hua Cheng would rather be on the defensive than the offensive in this situation, hence why he twitches his hand here to remind Shi Qingxuan of his presence and his injured state and spur him into action:

now we've arrived at the parts that really got my heart racing. I'm sorry I'm just like Xie Lian in that regard - I love Hua Cheng and Iove swords and sword fighting. or in this case, fan fighting:

the way he effortlessly snatches that fan out of the air is so smooth and badass. also the way he's holding E'ming behind his back and the scimitar again mirroring the line of his body... *dreamy sigh*

his fighting here gives a nice glimpse into that "arrogant, rebellious confidence" that Xie Lian is going to feel so weak-kneed over in the future. it's also proof of Hua Cheng's skill - he had to make this look real and convincing while also making sure his attacks were of a nature that the others could defend against without too much trouble. while I assume that in the name of authenticity, it would have been okay if Shi Qingxuan and "Ming Yi" got hurt, the same does not go for Xie Lian - hence how broken up and angry at himself Hua Cheng is when that does happen in the end. I could also see him choosing that fan in particular because he knows Lang Qianqiu is on the way and knows his sword can neutralize that fan - and if he's facing off against Lang Qianqiu, that means Xie Lian will be out of the line of fire.

I've hit image limit on this post, so we'll continue in part 2!

[ferret-does-stuff]

Today I am revisiting an analysis I made on Matthias Czernin, the Puppeteer, who is the current upcoming survivor in idv. I'm going briefly discuss his design before making some speculations about his kit.

So first, let's talk about Main Matthias (the actual character, not the puppet). First of all, he's wearing lots of black and grey, very dark colours. This may point to him having an introverted personality, but it could also have to do with his surname, Czernin, meaning "black". His clothes are also traditional clothing, speculated to be either Czech or Polish. It's likely he's Czech based on his surname. He's also noticeably incredibly injured, his face has scars, his shoulder is ripped up, his hair is uneven and he's missing his left eye. I think he suffered some kind of accident or abuse that left him with scars, or his injuries came from his time in the manor as we know some survivors killed their teammates before matches even began. The name "Czernin" was given to a man who survived a massacre by villagers who found him, which makes me believe his parents may have been killed but they managed to keep him safe until someone found him.

His puppet, who I shall dub "Minitthias" until it gets a proper name, seems to look like Matthias as a child, full of joy and energy. I think Matthias made Minitthias to cope with some kind of trauma, as generally puppets aren't reflections of the puppeteer but rather individual characters. Perhaps he tried to heal his damaged inner child?

It's been speculated in leaks that Matthias will be a contain type with rescue capabilities, which helps to combat the popular theory that he'll just be a better Tracy (seriously, Netease, just buff her. It's not that hard) and that he'll be able to turn into his puppet. I think he'll have some kind of debuffs that will become buffs in puppet form and some buffs that become debuffs in puppet form, perhaps Matthias is a slow baulter but Minitthias is faster, or Minitthias is a slow decoder while Matthias can do it faster. These make sense because a puppeteer would have good hand eye coordination, which would help with decoding, whilst the puppet will always be clumsier, and Matthias is so injured that the puppet will always be faster than him. I also think Matthias may be like Luca in that he'll have a smaller range of detecting a terror radius as he doesn't have his left eye, he might have lower situational awareness on his left side.

Anyway, i will not apologise for the person i will become on February 1, I am so excited for him. I might make an update when his PV releases. Happy new year, folks.

[bluedalahorse]

Okay, I’ll bite. Posts like this one on the confessions blog kind of make me wonder/worry about how I come across on tumblr. I’m one of those people who’s 200% down for the secondary characters in YR, particularly the controversial ones. I’m also someone who’d been lurking for a while prior to season 2 airing, but joined tumblr a little bit after season 2 to finally start discussing with people.

Given the way the post I linked above resonates with some of the themes I made a post about few days ago, it seems like the anon and I might both be struggling with some of the patterns of conversation in fandom. That said, we’re coming from very different places. And given the way I engage with this fandom, I sometimes wonder if I’m the antagonist in someone’s fandom story.

I do recognize that some of my posts come from a place where I could come across as pretentious, lecturing, or overbearing in some way. When I first de-lurked this fandom, I talked about a lot of the show in terms of craft and literary theory and such, in part because I’m in grad school for just that and in part because I hang out with a friends group IRL who uses that existing vocabulary to discuss things we love. I was also using the academic voice with a dose of sarcasm thrown in as a sort of armor, because I knew my favorite characters in the show (Sara and August) were so widely beloathed by so many people. I was worried that if my first post was “wow they sure are cute even if they’re messy; where do I find the fanfic?” I wouldn’t make friends, or possibly would even get chased off of tumblr. I figured it was much safer to come in and say things like “I find it really interesting to see how their relationship is a narrative foil to Wilmon’s, and them being together really raises the stakes of the drama” and keep my Big Feelings to myself. (Especially since some posters can be pretty nasty about my faves, and make assumptions about what I’m an “apologist” for when I talk about them.) I still lean into academic speak to some extent—like I said, it’s part of who I am even outside of YR, so it’s hard to shake. But rest assured there is fannish passion behind it, and also know I don’t think academic speak should be a requirement for participating in fandom.

I’m also wondering… what role should making the case for the characters and plotlines one loves play in establishing one’s fandom presence? Like, in general? Ultimately my motive when I make my posts, analysis or otherwise, is to invite people to play in my weird little sandbox with me. (If they want to, of course!) I recognize that some of my fandom opinions/hills I will die on are what they are, so I imagine some folks don’t want to change their opinions any more than I do. But I also recognize that in more than two decades of being in fandom, there are times when someone else’s passion for a character or a take on some aspect of a show or book really led me to see something new and interesting, or hook on to particular rarepairs or whatever else. That’s the beauty of fandom as a community—we all get more excited about things together and share our love of things. Since some of my favorite aspects of YR are much much more rarely represented in fanworks, I’m usually talking about how I adore them in hopes that I’ll continue to find the people who like the things I like, and in hopes that maybe I’ll spark something in someone’s brain and they’ll write a cool fic or draw cool art or something. Talking to people here has made me more interested in pairings like Walty and Stedrika, which I didn’t think about as much before on my first watchthroughs of the show. So anyway… I do know there’s some folks out there who are never gonna be interested in what I’m interested in. I also know there are folks, myself included, who’ve learned things from what other people are passionate about. I also know there are some opinions that seem a lot more unpopular than they are until someone voices them.

I recognize that the two factors above—a tendency toward academic speak, and another tendency to make the case for the less popular things I love about the show in hopes that people will join me, combined with maybe me not having the best day or not choosing my words well—all that together and I could I see how I could come across as pretentious or holier-than-thou or looking down on people. (And admittedly there are times where my posts come from a place of frustration about the way certain characters are talked about. I think we’ve all been there at one time or another.) It really isn’t my intention to come across in a negative way, but I can see how it would happen. It’s also possible I’m doing something that completely doesn’t register with me at all, but it’s super hurtful to others. I may not know the full extent to how I’ve bothered someone, because ultimately I am just in my own head.

If I’ve hurt you or made you feel crappy in your time being a fan on tumblr, I am truly sorry. I’m open to talking about it if you want to talk about it, but also, zero pressure if you just kind of want to hang out in your own space and do your own thing.

To sum up… it seems like on one hand there’s a portion of fandom that seems to want to embrace the YR world in its entirety, and another portion of fandom that would like to lean into a focus on Wilmon. And there’s probably people all across a spectrum there, because nothing is a strict binary. All are valid approaches! I don’t think we all need to be best friends, but I do think we need to figure out how to coexist and assume positive intent in each other’s approaches to the work. Does anyone have ideas about that? Are there hashtags we could be using a little more carefully? I don’t have answers yet, but it is something I’m thinking about.

[chdarling]

Hello CH.  I’ve not contacted an author before and I don’t know Tumblr all that well, so I don’t know if you’re actually going to see this.  But if you do…I was disheartened reading your post about how some were being unkind.  I wanted to contribute to the positive voices you hear, and hopefully outweigh any negativity.

I’m not a writer (grammar, sentence structure…what?), please bear with me.

I just wanted you to know how much The Last Enemy project means to me and how much I appreciate you.  I stumbled onto The Howling Nights about the same time that I had a health scare.  I had four or five months of talking to doctors, tests, and waiting for results.  A surgery.  Lots of stress and worry. Reading your fic played a huge part in me getting through that with a lot less stress and fewer tears.  I cannot begin to express how much your writing meant to me during that time. I could just fall into your world and put mine on pause for a bit.  

It’s just so easy to fall into the world you made. The Last Enemy is just so beautifully thought out and written.  I’ve seen it expressed more masterfully by others when you respond to them on Tumblr so I just have to echo a few points already made.  I love the different flavors of each chapter depending on which character’s POV it is.  There’s a different tone and manner of thinking for each character.  I can only imagine how much planning, character analysis, and time went into thinking about each event from multiple POVs to explore how it should be told.  I love all the small details that you (probably) agonize about; it makes a world of difference in continuity.  I love how we’re inserted at one point in time, and we learn about the past from someone’s point of view.  Like here’s Lily, a Muggleborn thrust into a new world and learning about wizarding politics/history through Dearborn and Dorcas’s bookstore.  We can see the pendulum of wizarding politics and culture and the effect it has on Hogwarts; for example, students eschewing Muggle clothing as a reflection of the current political leanings(Welcome to the backlash, baby!). I love how you’ve even brought in unconscious biases (Sirius - The Whisper of Trees), which is such a subtle but important detail in prejudice and breaking out of it.  And the relationships set within this context!  Lily thinking James acted the way he did because of blood purity.  James realizing that Lily went through so much more than he initially thought because she’s a Muggleborn girl and you know how these muggle girls are. The Muggleborn group! James teaching Quidditch because that’s the only thing he can do right now to fix something. Okay, I’m just rambling now, so I’ll be shorter.  Lily and Severus’s relationship…just so twisted.  Remus and Sirius - so much there. How James and Sirius confront Lily about Remus to protect him; aw. Lily’s “medicine” for Remus…I can’t even.  There’s so much more about your writing that I admire; I just can’t keep going or this will take forever to read.

I don’t even know how many times I’ve re-read the series, but there is always some new nugget I’m finding or some connection I’m making.  I also joined Tumblr because you were on it.  When you answer a question someone has or a reader points out something I missed, I have to go back and read it again.  It’s so much fun.  Whenever I start reading the series again, it’s like talking to an old friend. On a side note, I’ve also found a ton of new authors through Tumblr.  I wouldn’t have found them without you.

Ramble ramble.  Okay.

I’m always super exciting when I see that you’ve posted a new chapter.  Of course I am.  I sincerely hope you finish the whole series.  Of course I do.  And I will read every word and probably re-read more times than I can count.  But I’m happy knowing that it’s something you’re happy with and it’s what you want to post.  No matter the length of time between updates.  You exist beyond the keyboard.  You have a life. Rational people know that.  Also, I’ve been through grad school…it’s a lot.  Yikes. That you’re creating this series during grad school…um, how?

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the time and effort you’ve put into this and for sharing with us. Lots of love.

This made me rather teary (in a nice way!) 🥹

Thank you so so much for taking the time to send such a kind and supportive message. It truly means a lot to me. And I’m so sorry to hear about your health scare and all the stress from that. I hope you’re doing better now. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[thephdpensieve]

PhD Tips

Finding Motivation in Small Steps✨

8/100 days of productivity • 01-11-23, Wednesday

I wanted to share with you a realization that dawned upon me after weeks (6, to be exact) of being stuck and wallowing in the land of motivation. Let's talk about that rollercoaster ride called "PhD Motivation".

✨ Motivation: The Spark We all know that feeling when inspiration strikes, and we're fueled by an intense burst of motivation. It's like a spark, igniting the fire within us, and we're ready to conquer the academic world. But, here's the thing: that spark is fleeting, and it's not always around when you need it.

✨ Momentum: The Sustainer That's where momentum comes into play. Think of it as the gentle breeze that keeps your fire burning. It's that sense of progress, accomplishment, and consistency that pulls you through even on the toughest days. Momentum is what keeps you going long after the initial motivation has faded.

✨ The Secret Sauce: Small Tasks So, how do you harness this momentum magic? It's simple: start with small tasks. When the mountain of research, writing, and analysis seems overwhelming, break it down into manageable chunks. It's like eating an elephant—one bite at a time! Tell yourself to finish just one tiny task (like writing just 100 words in a manuscript or debug just one block of code), and then most certainly you'll continue the task.

✨ ✨ ✨ ✨

About today

Write first thing in the morning

Mail the draft to PM before 10 am

Meeting with Manish @ 3:30pm - went well. excited about new opportunities!

Continue the forecasting code

Try different system as RC: explore options - Found a new system

Laundry evening - did two batches

Call with Sesh about the GTR course

Clean room, at least one corner - managed to clean a lot

Mindfulness course homework with study buddy

Felt grateful for my advisor - he's sooo supportive

[bridja02]

Dedicating yet another blogpost to @cherrynojutsu's Like Gold:

It's been awhile since I've been on Tumblr, wow. The last time I reviewed Like Gold was, oh my god, three years ago?! Time flies.

As I took a break from reading this fic, waiting for more chapters to accumulate, as one does, and also because of life and studying... I decided to reread it last week, as I realized the latest chapter Cherry released was 19! My review was at chapter 6!

And oh boy, what have I missed! I have to admit I feel terrible for not reading for so long! T.T

First things first, I have to compliment Cherry's writing style, and how much it has improved since the last time! As she began the fic in June of 2021, and I'm not saying at all that her writing used to be bad, just that now it's absolute perfection! Here's a visual representation of my feelings while reading the first time:

The same gif used as for the first review - but the feelings were the same this time around too. The first couple of chapters of SasuSaku's blooming relationship was the cutest, from the tenative first kisses to the lingering touches ♥

However, the emotional rollercoaster that ensued after the story progresseed - oh my god. Here's another visual representation, this time showing my emotions just after I finished chapter 19:

(tears because of Sasuke's inner turmoil and trauma, and the blushing because of Sasuke's-😳 )

Once again mentioning my initial review, I SPECULATED the turn that this fic will take with Sasuke's mental health, and oh- the turn was so sudden and sharp that it sent me tumbling down the road. I feel so sorry for the poor boy, he deserves nothing but happiness, and I need him SO BADLY to talk to someone about it.

I knew the fic was going to be a huge slowburn (which was right up my alley) but at some point I thought to myself this has been so sweet and innocent for so long, with their sweet pecks and hugs and lunches and book clubs, will the author really have the means of turning this into something more? I was proven wrong after reading the scene on Sakura's balcony, and wintessing their first makeout sesh. I realized, Cherry will be going places. Had no more doubts after that.

I have no energy to describe anything I felt for the couch scene in chapter 19, as I am not quite done processing what I just read... (The blushing on my cheeks still hasn't passed).��

However, I wish to appreaciate the authors ability to indulge on the topics of mental health disorders and character analysis. It's soo hard to read Sasuke struggling like that, and believe me I've read my fair share on SS fics, but I've never seen someone delve this deeply into Sasuke's character and mental state. Cherry I don't know what your major is, but hats off to your skills! You must be really empathetic to be able to write this so well, and I truly admire you for it ♥

I'm so happy to see Sasuke finally trying to do something about it - the jasmine, the old district, his cuts and oh the letters break my heart into million pieces! I can't imagine how Sakura must feel when she finds out what Sasuke has been keeping to himself and suffering silently, even though she urged him never to suffer alone. Oh my, I CAN SMELL THE ANGST COMING. Am I bad person because I can't wait for it?

I love the authors humor, transfering onto Sasuke's witty one and also the other characters. I love the subtle details and descriptions this fic has to offer - from the descriptions of mugs, books they read, the teas they drink. It's too sweet. You can truly feel the authors soul through their work!

The chapter when Sasuke was sick was so lovely, but I have to admit that the bed scene and counting heartbeats has to be the sweetest, lovliest thing I have read in awhile! <3

I am so excited for the future chapters now that so many things unfolded, Sasuke's state has probably never been worse so I really need him to start healing T.T Sakura is so sweet and supprotive, hopefully Sasuke will help her too by urging her to work less. Also excited for the smut.

Thank you so much Cherry for sharing your work with us, I am eternally grateful! I will be looking forward to the future chapters!

[caramel-catss]

god loves you, but not enough to save you

on ao3

word count: 5k

triggers: suicidal thoughts, depression, religion/religious trauma

four times the deities did not answer link's prayers, one time they did; legend character analysis with a focus on him and religion

i.

Link wouldn’t call himself very religious, but he pays his respects to the Golden Three as he should. His uncle taught him his prayers, the nightly ones before bed, the morning ones at breakfast. He told Link, if you’re worried about something, pray to the Goddesses and They will protect you.

And tonight, Link says his prayers as he always does. He sits at the foot of his bed, eyes closed and hands softly curled together, and whispers a thank you to the Three for protecting his family. His uncle is at the table, doing the same, though he won’t be going to bed for a few hours because adults don’t have bedtimes. 

“Mothers Din, Farore, and Nayru,” Link murmurs, eyes closed. “Thank you for more sun today, even though it’s raining now. Uncle and I picked apples but now my arms hurt, and I’m kind of tired of picking them, so could you make it not stop raining tomorrow? Thank you. Um… keep keeping me and my uncle safe, please. Thank you. Goodnight.”

“Are you all done with your prayers, Link?” His uncle smiles from his seat, but he looks tired. Link nods. “Goodnight, then. I’ll be here a while longer. I sense something… off, around here.”

“Goodnight, Uncle!” Link says, unbothered. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Link turns into his covers. Sleeping can be hard sometimes, usually when he’s excited, but it’s okay tonight. His arms still ache a little bit, so he doesn’t mind resting them. He hopes that, tomorrow, his uncle will bake a pie, and he’ll be able to eat more apples than he’ll pick. Thoughts of fresh apple pie in his mind, Link quickly falls asleep.

Help me…

Please help me…

I am a prisoner in the dungeon of the castle. My name is Zelda.

Link wakens with a start, surprised by the words of the girl in his mind. Trapped in the dungeon? The wizard, Agahnim? What was happening? 

Link opens his eyes and turns towards his uncle, who’s looking at him. It’s so late in the night, now, why is he still awake? Did he hear Zelda’s voice, too?

Just as Link opens his mouth to ask, Uncle starts talking. “Link, I’m going out for a while. I’ll be back by morning. Don’t leave the house.”

Uncle gets up and leaves, and Link is left, stunned. No, his uncle can’t go alone, that’s dangerous… but Link’s just a kid, what can he do? 

Slowly, Link picks himself up and walks to the nearby chest. He takes out the lantern inside. Maybe if he goes after his uncle, he could help? Or his uncle would help him, more likely… but either way, he can’t leave Zelda alone! She needs his help, and he can’t just not help her!

More determined, Link leaves the house. It’s still storming outside. Thunder scares him, but just a little. He’ll be okay! He’s brave, and he’s 12 now, so he’s almost a teenager. That’s practically an adult.

Link sneaks behind the castle and tries not to worry about the guards. They’ve always looked a little scary, but now they look so off. He can’t place why. 

Some intuition of his tells him to move a suspicious plant, and oh! An entrance! Link slips into the dungeon.

Link creeps down the hallway, making sure to be slow in case any guards are nearby. A low moan catches his attention, and he turns his head-

“Uncle!” Link gasps, suddenly breaking into a sprint. His uncle lays against the wall, clutching his stomach. He looks up at Link, and Link notices his face wobble for half a second.

“Link…” Uncle coughs up blood, and Link darts to his side. “Gah…”

“Uncle, are you okay!?” Link panics and tries to help cover the gash with part of his uncle’s clothing. He winces at the blood, trying not to feel queasy.

“I didn’t want you involved in this,” Uncle murmurs. “I told you not to leave the house…”

“I-I had to help!” Link cries, trying to hold his uncle closer. He doesn’t know what to do, he can’t breathe- the Goddesses! He’s scared, so he should pray to the Goddesses!

Link closes his eyes and puts his hands together, like he always does in the mornings and before bed. “Please,” he whispers. “Please- please help Uncle be safe…”

“My boy…” Uncle’s hand weakly trails to Link’s shoulder. Link hiccups. He’s trying to look strong, not to cry, but it’s really hard now.

Then, Uncle surprises him by shoving two items into his hands.

“Take my sword and shield and listen.” Uncle’s voice is serious, and he looks at Link dead in the eye. “You can focus power in the blade… then release it using the secret technique handed down by our people…”

Link doesn’t dare breathe, doesn’t dare say anything. But oh, he wants to cry into his uncle’s arms, wants to curl up into him like he did as a child.

Uncle coughs again, and Link can see that he’s fading. Quietly, he thinks another prayer to himself, desperately hoping this one reaches the Goddesses. He can’t die now… please, don’t let him die! I need him! I need his help!

“Link, you can do it!” Uncle makes a small, sad smile. “Save the princess… Zelda is your…”

“...My?” Link whispers, staring.

“...”

It’s quiet.

Link shakes, like how he would when it got dark in the orchard. His lip wobbles. He stares at Uncle, and Uncle doesn’t stare back.

Slowly, Link reaches over and pushes his eyelids closed. Now… now he looks like he’s sleeping…

The Goddesses…

Uncle always said They would protect Link if he prayed to Them. But… he did, and They didn’t answer. They didn’t… protect Uncle…

Link has to force himself to his feet. He tears his eyes away from Uncle, and he tries to forget about him. He tries to forget about everything, except for Zelda. He needs… he needs to rescue her. He has a sword and shield, he can defend himself with those… he’ll be okay…! He’ll be okay.

Link wipes his tears, and he keeps moving.

-

ii.

The Triforce is waiting for a new owner. Its Golden Power is in your hands… Now, touch It with a wish in your heart.

Blood drips from Link’s lip. He wipes at it, carefully, trying not to spill too much. His leg really hurts from when he tripped fighting Ganon, there’s a long gash through his arm, and he feels a little lightheaded.

The Triforce appears before him, golden and glorious. Link can immediately tell It’s just as beautiful as the legends say. An artifact created by the Goddesses. An artifact he’s to wish on, a prize for defeating Ganon…

Link stumbles, catching himself on the wall. A wish… what would he wish for?

For the past few months, all he’s been doing is working towards saving Hyrule… but now Hyrule is safe, isn’t it? What’s waiting for him at home? His uncle is… dead.

The thought only reminds him of Princess Zelda, now without her father. They both lost their family. Would she have to become Queen, now? All alone? Link doesn’t want that for her, he wants her to be okay. He… he wants to be okay, too.

The soldiers, who attacked him, they didn’t deserve to have their minds warped. The people he’s met who have suffered so much under Ganon’s rule… the people who died…

Link takes a deep breath, a wish coming to his mind. He reaches out, gently placing his palms on the Triforce, and whispers.

“I wish… I wish for Hyrule and its people to be restored. Including the king… and my uncle.”

The Triforce glows with holy light, enveloping the entire room. Link bathes in it.

Link runs up to the castle, dashing through the secret entrance to avoid the guards. Both old habit and the soldiers’ occasional attacks keep him doing this. Plus, Uncle won’t let him carry around swords anymore, though he doesn’t know about the knife Link keeps in his boot. It’s there just in case something strikes at him - which has happened, especially around the castle area. It makes Link feel safer.

Zelda has called for him again, a short, personal message through their telepathic connection. Her father, though revived a mere month ago, has fallen ill. The King of Hyrule is known for falling sick often, but Zelda sounded worried, so Link’s going to be there for her. That’s what friends do, right? Zelda is the only person his age that he really knows, and he wants to comfort her.

Dodging around guards and sneaking up to the chambers, Link carefully slips into Zelda’s father’s room. The King of Hyrule lays on his bed, eyes closed, shakily breathing. Zelda sits by his side. Hearing Link enter, she looks up.

“Link!” Zelda smiles. She looks tired. Link closes the door behind him and rushes over.

“Hi,” Link replies. He pauses, debating if he should bow to the King or not when he’s like this, but Zelda takes his hand before he can decide.

Zelda pulls him into a hug. “Thanks for being here,” she murmurs.

Link doesn’t really know what to say, doesn’t know how to feelings, so he replies, “Yeah.”

“Father isn’t feeling well again,” Zelda pulls back, frowning. “...Worse than his usual cough.”

The King coughs beside her, as if on cue. Link’s eyebrows furrow.

“The Triforce should have made him all better,” he murmurs. “How is he so sick already?”

“I don’t know,” Zelda replies. She moves back to her father, placing her hands on his shoulder. “But he said he wanted to talk to you… something he had to say, in case… something happens to him.”

“Oh,” Link says. Because, oh.

“Father,” Zelda whispers, tapping the King. “Link is here to speak to you.”

The king wheezes, cracking his eyes open and looking at Link. He looks old, older than he usually does. He pushes himself up, reaching out to Link.

“Link, my boy,” The king murmurs, his voice hoarse. He sounds very, very sick. “There is something you must know…”

Link takes off his hat and holds to his chest, walking closer to the king. “Yes, your highness?”

“You are…” He breaks off with another cough, hyacking for a second before continuing. “Link, you are my son…”

“What?” Link blinks. To his side, Zelda gasps.

“I…” The king frowns, eyes moving to Zelda. “You and Zelda… half-siblings… I am sorry, daughter…”

“Father, don’t overexert yourself!” Zelda’s voice is shrouded in worry.

“I-I don’t-” Link stutters, surprised. Half-siblings with Zelda? Wouldn’t that make him…

“You were sent to live with your uncle,” The king starts again. “Your mother’s status… you could not live as a royal.”

Link gapes. Did… did Uncle know about this? He… would have to, wouldn’t he?

“I am… so proud, Link. My… son.” The king smiles, then closes his eyes again, taking a shaky breath.

“I…” Link blinks, and he can find no words.

“Father, wait, don’t sleep yet!” Zelda lightly shakes her (their?) father, panic rising in her voice. “The medic said you should stay awake…”

Link backs up, slowly. His hat falls to the floor. This room, it’s suddenly too small, and he needs to run and get out. Every time he panics, it’s been because something has wanted to attack him, kill him. Link pats around himself until he finds his boot, kicking it against the ground and grabbing his dagger. He holds it close - just for comfort, he needs something to fight with when they come and attack him - but his hands are shaking too much and he drops it on the floor with a loud clang.

Zelda’s head whips around just as Link is grabbing it again. Her gaze softens.

“Link,” she murmurs. “You should go… we can… talk about this later, okay? Just… take your time.”

Link nods. He feels dizzy as he runs out of the room, following his route out of the castle as fast as he can. The woods aren’t safe, but nowhere inside is safe either, and he runs around until he finds himself sitting on the roof of his house.  He stays there for some hours, hugging his knees and rocking back and forth.

That night, the king passes away, leaving behind more questions than answers. Link’s uncle doesn’t answer them well. He only finds out that his mother died years ago and that Uncle was only to tell him about his bloodline as an adult. Link feels lost.

Link and Zelda do not talk about it. Zelda closes her doors to grieve after her father’s death, and Link, who never knew him, has no idea how to help. He begins to feel antsy at home, unsure what to do with his life.

And then, Uncle falls sick.

It’s the same sickness the king had, the one the palace medic could not find a cure to. 

He passes away in the middle of the night. Just like how he did a year ago.

The Triforce did not save him. The Triforce did not save the King of Hyrule. Link prayed for them both, experienced them alive again for a short few months, and then they died again. His wishes… were they really answered?

Link decides that he needs time away from Hyrule, from his kingdom which hurts too much to live inside. He tells Zelda he’s leaving to train, something short, a couple months at most. She asks if he’ll be back before her coronation next spring, and he says he will.

She sees him off before he sails away. 

“I pray for your safe return, brother,” Zelda says. It’s the first time she’s called him that, but he’s focused on the word ‘pray’; it stings him in a way that surprises him.

“...Thank you, sister. I’ll be home soon,” Link replies. And he doesn’t think he will, but he hopes that at least he’ll arrive back before her coronation.

-

iii.

Crash!

“Shit!” Link pulls harder on the rope, trying to keep his boat in control. He’s been on the water for a few hours, setting out early this morning after leaving an abandoned island he’d spent a week exploring. He had no idea there was a storm up ahead, or he would’ve stayed another day or two.

A wave crashes into the side of Link’s small ship, sending the entire thing rocking and nearly throwing Link overboard. His boots lose traction. He slips to the ground, hitting his arm, and he yelps in pain.

Scrambling back up, Link grips his hands harder on the rope. They hurt with how tightly he’d already been holding them. He’s absolutely drenched, which doesn’t help with his grip. Lightning crashes right by him, thankfully in the water, making Link gasp. He tries not to scramble to the other side. He’d lose any control of the thing he has left.

Thunder booms across the sky. Link pulls as hard as he can, trying to stay afloat. He closes his eyes, and despite himself, cries something in desperation.

“If there’s anyone out there that can help me… please! Please, Goddesses!”

He almost doesn’t realize that he said it. It’s still a bit of a second nature to him, though he kind of stopped praying when his uncle first died. Link falters a second as his mind drifts to that, but it’s a second too long. A bright flash lights up Link’s boat, and for half a second, he lifts his head before the lightning strikes him and the world goes black.

Link opens his eyes and gasps, expecting there to be no air. But no, he’s in a… bed? Where’s his ship? Why’s he in a room?

Link shoots upwards, darting his eyes around in a rabbit’s panic, looking for his kidnappers. He spots them quickly - a girl dressed in blue, and a man with a handkerchief tied around his neck. His hand reaches for his arm, ready to grab his backup-backup dagger, but he finds nothing there. They disarmed, him, too!-

“What a relief!” The girl’s voice stuns him and sends him out of his panic. Link stares at her, stupidly, unsure what to ask her first.

“I thought you’d never wake up!” She continues, smiling. Link squints at her as she speaks, realizing she looks familiar. “You were tossing and turning…”

“Zelda?” Link interrupts, wiping his eyes. This girl’s hair is styled just like his sister’s, but as soon as the words leave his mouth, he feels like an idiot.

“What? Zelda?” The girl laughs. “No, my name’s Marin! You must still be feeling a little woozy.”

“...Sorry,” Link mumbles. “Uh… where am I?”

Marin’s eyes brighten. “You are on Koholint Island!”

Link nods. He pushes himself out of bed, combing his fingers through his hair to find that it isn’t messy. Come to think of it, he’s all dry, and he doesn’t smell like saltwater. Okay, so not kidnappers.

“Do you… have my things?” Link asks. Wow, since when was he so awkward?

“Um… if you follow the lane south, you’ll reach the beach where I found you,” Marin replies. “I think Tarin has your shield, though.”

“Thanks,” Link nods. He starts to walk over to the other man, but Marin suddenly speaks up again.

“S-since you washed ashore, lots of nasty monsters have been in the area, so… um… be careful, okay?” Marin looks a bit embarrassed.

Link blinks. He can count the amount of people who tell him to be careful on one hand, so he doesn’t know how to reply. “Y… Yeah, I will.” 

Marin smiles, relieved. Link collects his shield from Tarin, and he waves goodbye to the two on his way out. Koholint is a bright, sunny island, and the air feels so fresh compared to Hyrule’s. It instantly puts Link in a good mood, and he smiles as he jogs down to the beach. Maybe the Goddesses did answer his prayer this time! 

As Link grabs his sword from the beach, he’s still smiling. He grins even as an owl shows up and starts to speak at him, quickly becoming an annoyance. Other than the bird, this island is perfect! Everything here is perfect! He could get used to this, really.

…In hindsight, he really should have realized it was too perfect.

-

iv.

The Wind Fish is glorious, in the way only a deity could be. He floats above Link, one eye turned to him, expression set in stone. Link tries not to wobble under his gaze. He’s still shaking from fighting the Nightmare, from seeing Agahnim and Ganon and they can’t be here and he can’t move-

Link takes a deep breath, the way that Marin showed him, counting to ten before he releases it. He locks eyes with the Wind Fish. Can He notice Link wobble, Link pressing back tears already? Link tries to press back all of his anxieties. He has a wish to make.

“I AM THE WIND FISH…” His voice booms, hurting Link’s ears. “LONG HAS BEEN MY SLUMBER…”

“Wind Fish,” Link murmurs, cutting His speech short. He almost thinks the deity hasn’t heard him, but the Wind Fish pauses. “I… may I make a wish to You?”

“WHAT DO YOU WISH, CHILD?”

In. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Out.

Link sinks to his knees. He curls his fists together in front of him, bows his head, and sniffs. For this wish… he will have to beg, to offer all of himself for anything, any bit of mercy. He is fully prepared to do so.

“This island…” Link whispers. “It is beautiful, with beautiful people. People who don’t… deserve to die. I-I… I wish for the island’s safety… I wish for Koholint to be real. Marin, of Mabe Village, she wants to see the world. She wants to leave. She wished to You, Wind Fish, please grant it. Please, please, save these people. Your people. Even if… even if you only save Marin… I’ll give my life for her freedom. Just… please…”

“BOY.” The Wind Fish’s mouth does not move. His face remains neutral. But Link… Link can feel the anger. “YOU ARE THE MESSENGER OF AWAKENING… YOU CHOOSE TO WAKE ME, KNOWING THE FATE OF KOHOLINT…”

“I-” Link’s eyes fill with tears. This isn’t fair- what he’s saying- it’s not fair, he couldn’t do anything else- “I g-got the instruments for you! I h-helped the residents for you! I-I followed everything the owl told me… please…!”

“I HAVE AWOKEN… WHEN THE DREAMER WAKES, THE DREAM ENDS…”

“No!” Link gasps. “Please, no, I just want her to live!-”

“LINK… IT IS TIME TO WAKE UP!”

The dream fades around him, and Link can do nothing but watch it all crumble away. He can vaguely hear the instruments play around him, can only choke when the water hits him suddenly and throws him upwards. Light blinds him.

Link awakens, and he is alone.

The first thing he feels is the board slipping under him, and he gasps, heaving himself further on top of it. He coughs up saltwater, throws it back up into the ocean. His eyes sting, his stomach aches with hunger and thirst, and his head hurts so badly. He clings onto the raft harder.

Link glances around, and his lips wobble. Koholint is gone. Marin is gone. He failed. Again, he failed. His lower lip wobbles.

Link’s tears turn to sobs. He hiccups, his rabbit heart beating fast, and he can’t even try the breathing exercise without remembering who taught him it and crying harder. Why do the gods hate him? Why can’t They protect what he loves? Hasn’t he done so much for Them!?

A roar sounds, the call of a whale, and Link sees the shadow cover him. He looks up. The Wind Fish flies through the sky, on His way to His next victim. Link shakes. His teeth grit together. He grabs the raft as hard as he can, his knuckles turning white, and he screams. He screams so loud that the horrid God will have to hear him, have to hear his agony, his anger.

The Wind Fish will have to understand what He’s done to him, what He did to that entire island. Link screams so the Wind Fish will understand pain, will understand his suffering, will see everything He’s done, he hates Him, he hates that he’s been used, he hates everything he’s done for Gods who do nothing in return, Koholint is dead, Marin is dead, and Link’s voice hurts, and maybe he’ll drown, and maybe he’ll meet her again if he does, and maybe he wishes for that instead!

Link screams until his voice is hoarse, until the Wind Fish is but a speck far away. His nails dig into the wood. Splinters line his fingers, and he can’t bring himself to care. He can’t breathe through his nose, and his mouth is so dry, and it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore.

Link lays back on the raft, trying to position himself in a way that makes his back hurt the least, chronic pain be damned. Another result of all he’s done for deities. He closes his eyes, takes in a shaky breath. He hopes - not prays, hopes - that a ship will pick him up, because he knows Marin would be upset if he died here. But at the same time, he hopes he falls off the raft and drowns.

The world is so, so cruel.

-

+

Link gives up on deities, damn Them all, for the next 5 years.

He does not pray. He saves the Oracles but avoids any religious discussion with them. And depending on who he’s with, he’ll openly heckle and mock the Three. He holds off around Zelda, though, out of respect for his sister.

Link ends up not making it to Zelda’s coronation. Not by a long shot - after being wrapped up with the Oracles, he arrives home a grand total of three years after he set off. Two and a half years since Zelda became queen. Enough time that most of the kingdom thought he was dead.

That’s fine, he ends up spending more than enough time at home to make up for it. Arriving back at an empty house makes him realize what he was running away from in the first place. Suddenly, the deaths of Uncle, Marin, and so many others hit him with full force.

Link does not leave his house for nearly a year. Most of the time, he doesn’t even get out of bed.

He dreams. He dreams about Marin, he dreams about Uncle, he dreams about worlds when maybe he was favored by the holy beings he works for. There’s nothing else to life for him. He’s tired of adventuring. He can’t spend time in Hyrule without feeling sick. The apple orchard is dying from neglect.

And then Zelda appears, drags him out of bed, and makes him do something with himself. She shows up and takes care of the house. Then, she convinces him to get out of bed and go on walks with her. She tries to get him to take care of the orchard, but it hurts too much to look at. The last time he stepped foot inside it was the day his uncle died.

Within the next few months, Link slowly gets back on his feet. He refuses to come live at the castle, so Zelda works out a blacksmithing apprenticeship for him. But Link still finds himself oversleeping, clinging onto dreams. Gulley has to wake him up in a rush sometimes. But he’s making progress, so he focuses on that.

Before Link knows it, what little of his life that he’s picked back up and carefully pieced together is shattered again. Apparently, it had been decided that his time to recover was up, and he becomes the Hero of Legend again when another world’s sorcerer infiltrates into his own.

And Ravio. The purple-clad merchant infiltrates Link’s home and heart, too. While Link is less than thrilled about his prices, the fact of someone else living in the house brings him more comfort than he’d ever think it would. Also, Ravio… Ravio has this effect on Link that only Marin had before. Link’s not sure how to feel about it.

Link ventures through dungeons with a practiced ease. He lets Ravio rent out items to him that he really already owns, but what’s the harm in Link having a soft spot for him? Except for the harm in his bank account, of course…

Lorule is like the Dark World, just less shitty. Link isn’t stuck to a useless form there, either, which he doesn’t mind. He keeps his moon pearl on him anyways. Just in case.

Before long, Link comes face-to-face with Yuga. He tries not to freeze when he becomes Ganon. He gets thrown into walls, beaten up as a painting, but he finally drives his sword into the beast’s skull a final time.

Hilda’s story moves him. Ravio’s story moves him. He understands. He understands how the Triforce failed them.

But when Link stands before the Triforce a second time, this time with Zelda, he chokes up at the thought of wishing on it.

Zelda notices him, and places her hand on his shoulder. He takes a shaky breath.

“Link…” she murmurs. “This… this is a chance… I understand our reservations, especially yours…”

“It won’t fix anything,” Link’s voice cracks. He doesn’t even know what he’ll wish for, but he knows It won’t.

“We have to try,” Zelda says. “The Triforce… It was created to make miracles happen. Lorule needs a miracle. If we want to bring back their holy power… we’d need another one to do that.”

Link realizes now, realizes what she’s talking about. And he wants to yell, to kick the sacred triangles in anger. How fucking unfair was it that the fate of an entire kingdom was in the hands of one magical artifact? How the destruction of It, even with good intention, ruined all the life in Lorule? Ravio and Hilda - they are good people! They don’t deserve to live in a dying, suffering world all because one fucking piece of the Goddesses is gone!

“Breathe, Link.” Zelda’s voice calms him, and he realizes he’s been hyperventilating. “You don’t have to wish if you don’t want to… I can do it.”

“I-I…” Link stutters. He thinks about Ravio. The pain he’s been through to get Link to this moment. It’s not fair of Link to abandon Ravio’s hope for his land, after all Ravio has done… he owes him. “...I’ll wish.”

“Okay,” Zelda replies, pensive. She’s in her own conflict of emotions right now. Link wishes he could help her. “...Together?”

“Together,” Link agrees.

The two place their hands on the Triforce.

Link wishes for the restoration of Lorule’s Triforce, for the sake of the Loruleian people. He wishes that for once, if the Goddesses will listen to him just this once, that They will help Lorule. He can’t let another nation die. He can’t. If he’ll never see Lorule restored, then so be it. He wants nothing for himself from this. He just wants, with all his soul, for Lorule to live.

Lorule’s Triforce is restored, and it stays.

Link doesn’t know how to feel about it.

He first hears about it when Hilda and Zelda open the barrier between their worlds again. Lorule, while still climbing out of their dark ages, is experiencing the light for the first time in centuries. It’s beautiful, they say.

For once, for once in his blessed-damned life, his wish came true. This wish, this prayer… only came true after Link swore he would gain nothing.

Link is the Hero of Legend. His sworn, sacred duty is to carry out the Goddess’ will. He… he is owed nothing by Them. They see him as the Hero. Nothing more. Undeserving of receiving blessings himself.

The thought makes him sick.

Link continues to fight. He continues to be the Hero, continues to adventure, because it’s all he is worth.

And he never, ever prays again.