#i know i should be angry at them. sometimes i am. but mostly it feels like he left a hole in my heart

[daz4i]

hm. what do you do when you miss someone you shouldn't

[bbwcasey]

It feels strange and vulnerable to write something this personal here, but maybe that's why I’m doing it. Maybe because I feel like you all are the only ones who might truly understand the storm inside me—the anger and sadness that’s just really hard to put into words.

I've briefly mentioned my aunt before. She was my rock when my dad was deployed and my mom was working long hours. During that part of my childhood, she was the one who raised me. At her heaviest, she weighed over 700 pounds, almost 800. Over the years, I’ve been careful not to share too many details about her, because sadly, some of you struggle to respect the clear boundaries that should exist here.

She died on Monday. And she died in a way no one should ever have to. My heart is absolutely shattered.

She had been living in a bariatric care facility for over a decade—bed-bound, very limited mobility. For as long as I can remember, that was her reality. I watched it unfold slowly, starting in high school when she lost the ability to walk, when taking care of her became a shared effort between me, my mom, and my Yiayia. We loved her, we cared for her the best we could. But, as time passed, her needs became too great, and she was moved into the care of professionals. At least, that's what we thought.

But the facility failed her. They failed her in the most basic of ways. She needed a 4-person assist just to be bathed, just to go to the bathroom—and that wasn’t always available. Sometimes it was because of understaffing. Sometimes it was pure negligence. And that neglect led to infections. One of them turned into necrotizing fasciitis—a flesh-eating bacteria. That’s what killed her. That’s how she died. Suddenly. Painfully. Needlessly.

I am furious. And I am heartbroken.

It messes with my head in ways I can’t even explain. I’ve spent so much of my life obsessed with the idea of being that big, fantasizing about being absolutely massive, and now, here I am, mourning my aunt who lived that reality. I don’t know if she ever felt the way I feel about it. I don’t know if the things I think about were part of her experience. Honestly, I don’t want to know. Don’t make this weird. It’s not about that.

But I do know she was involved in NAAFA, long before I was even born—back when the lines between what we now call body positivity and fat acceptance were just starting to be drawn. So, there’s this overlap, this strange connection that I can’t quite reconcile in my head. I’m not scared by what happened to her, but I am devastated by it. I don’t want this for anyone, and it’s hard to see the reality of what we talk about here through this lens. It’s hard to hold space for all of it.

I don’t know how to wrap this up neatly because there’s nothing neat about this. I’m grieving. I’m angry. I’m confused. But mostly, I’m just sad. Sad for her. Sad for me. Sad for a world that lets people like her slip through the cracks because they were deemed too much—too much to care for, too much to handle, too much to love.

But she wasn’t. She wasn’t too much. She was just enough. She was everything. And I miss her.

I hate that I feel the need to add this disclaimer, but before anyone starts chirping and taking things out of context—no, this doesn’t change anything for me, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m still here, still the same weirdo who loves being fat and getting fatter. It’s just… complicated. I’m sad. It’s sad. That’s all.

[acidinduceddaydreams]

First Real Love with Skz

Skz x reader who was in a toxic relationship before them

Synopsis: In which you experience love, the real kind, for the first time.

Warnings: major tw for trauma in terms of mental and physical violence done by a significant other. Please don’t read if this triggers you.

a/n : this fic was my baby for a long time. Now it’s yours, please look after it. I pray it brings some comfort to you!🫶🏼

Chan:

He feels honored that you choose him to be apart of your life.

Doesn’t pry too much when you bring up your past. If you want to tell him you will and he’s content with that.

He finds you so incredibly intoxicating. He can’t believe that someone would ever treat you badly. He would fight tooth and nail to make sure you’re always happy.

Literally so in love with your more childlike/ whimsical view of the world now that you two are together. Your personality definitely changed for the better once you met him and realized that being safe should be a prerequisite in a relationship.

Minho:

Doesn’t ask about your past relationship much. Mostly relies on you telling him about it when you feel comfortable enough.

Absolutely at your service!!! If you’re having particularly unpleasant or difficult feelings or are in your own head he’s at your beck and call. Whether that’s cooking for you, feeding you (which you won’t admit you like) or even leaving you alone for a bit.

The babies (his cats) are by your side 24/7 to ground you and get you out of your head because “ they wouldn’t want their mom to be sad.”

Changbin:

Cannot fathom the idea of someone hurting you in any way whatsoever without wanting to beat them up.

Unlike Minho, Changbin will not leave you alone if you’re having a particularly bad day. He thinks you’re so precious so he will never leave your side even in a particularly bad situation.

Binnie gives the best cuddles!!!! I am 100% convinced. Cuddling is a must! It’s like free therapy. (He, himself is free therapy but wbk) his hugs and cuddles make you forget about what’s going on in your head bc binnie’s cuddles make everything better.

Hyunjin:

He’s appalled that someone could treat another human with disrespect and violence let alone you!

He’s your number one fan in everything you do. Celebrates your small wins just as grandly as the big ones. Oh you ate breakfast today. Suddenly your name and “I’m so proud of you” is all he knows how to say.

Paints with you. Yk when you put the canvases parallel to each other and paint something for the other person. Yeah you guys do that all the time as a grounding technique but also just as a way to show love to one another.

Jisung:

He’s so good at reading body language!!!!!! He is absolutely crushed when things like holding your hand or stretching his hand out to touch your cheek make you flinch, not because he’s mad or angry at you but rather at the person who ever dared to treat you this way.

Wdym personal space? Hannie’s never heard of it. He’s so good at getting you out of you head. He knows what triggers you and sometimes know when something will trigger you before you do.

He’s so attentive bc why wouldn’t he be when he has you to look after. This boy loves you so much and he shows it every day.

Felix:

Bakes for you!!!!!! Sometimes you two bake together but he usually does it in advance to you telling him you need a little extra love today.

So in love with you. Tries to show you the beauty that you are because you haven’t felt beautiful till you met him. “Oh baby you look even more gorgeous than you did yesterday, I didn’t even know that was possible.”

You remind him of sunshine and he reminds you of the sun. Clearly neither of you can exist without the other.

Seungmin:

He is super playful and witty naturally but he tones down the more mocking side for your particularly hard days. He loves you in ways that you didn’t know you could be loved.

On regular days though you two share a similar sense of humor. He loves that about you. Never lets it go too far though.

Absolutely a sucker for you. The boys tease him for being soft for you but he doesn’t care. You’re his baby and he doesn’t care who sees that.

Jeongin:

This boy is so whipped for you. He always listens to you even if what you have to say is something he has no idea about. It feels so amazing to have someone listen to you. To truly listen. He makes it look easy even though listening and not interrupting is quite hard.

He’s not a big fan of skinship but your hands are always within his and he loves it. He’s genuinely so feral for it but you don’t need to know that.

He’ll make sure to show you how someone treats someone they love every day. He’s so attentive and that makes going to him whether it’s with a problem or just to talk so easy because you know there’s no judgment from him.

[suugarbabe]

Hi, I hope you’re doing fine❤️ I love your fics! If it’s not a problem i would like to please request Theo Nott + soulmate trope where before the soulmates meet they sometimes throughout the day feel each other’s sensations (I don’t mean feeling, mostly just things like touch, pain, smell, taste) and Theo is kind of an annoying soulmate for the reader because he drinks black coffee all the time and the reader hates it and also he has all these quidditch practices and fights so she often wakes up with bruises and all that? But it’s all lighthearted and fluffy if it’s not a problem haha. Thanks ❤️

soulmate tropes are honestly one of my favorite because you can do so much with it, it's always a fun time.

You slouched in your seat next to Luna at breakfast as the sudden taste of straight black and bitter coffee consumed your senses. You nearly gagged, causing Luna's face to turn to one of soft concern.

"Black coffee again?" You nodded, "Yeah, and ribs are fucking killing me, I woke up with a huge purple bruise on the back of them and my jaw is sore. I swear to Merlin, whoever my soulmate is is about to get a howler from me because this is just ridiculous."

"Blaise and I think we know who it is if you'd like me to share it with you." Luna said it like she asked if you wanted to know who was on the cover of the Quibbler this month. Her ability to discuss anything like it was just normalcy and average never ceased to amaze you.

You stared at her and she just stared back, small smile on her face and a twinkle in her eyes. "Yes, Luna. Please tell me because I need to confront him."

Luna took a bite of her blueberry muffin, "Did you know that the reason why some blueberries are sweet and some are sour is because gnomes actually-"

"Luna!"

"Oh, yes, right. It's Theodore Nott." She says it like it's obvious. Like you should have know this whole time. But now that you think about it, it makes perfect sense. The bruises, the soreness, the smell of broomstick wax that will assault your nose.

You looked toward the Slytherin table in search for sandy brown curls. "He already left for class," Luna's voice cut in to your inner thoughts. "Erm, right, thanks Luna. I'll see you at lunch?" She nodded, "The four of us can sit together. Have a good talk with Theodore."

You thanked her, setting off down the hall toward your first class. Your plan was to search for Theo during your free period, but as fate would have it, you spotted him down the corridor.

You pushed through the crowded hall until you had to practically crane your neck to look up at the man in front of you. You reached out, boldly grabbing his arm, "Theo, we need to talk."

He looked down, slight confusion on his face. "Go on, bruv. I'll see you in class," Blaise gave you a subtle wink before walking off.

You pulled Theo to the side, giving the illusion to yourself that you had some privacy. "Been smelling vanilla lately, Theo?" you crossed your arms as you leaned back against the corridor wall.

Theo quirked an eyebrow, "How did you now that?"

You sighed, "Because that's the scent of my shampoo." Theo placed a hand on the wall behind you, the other gently cupping your face as he leaned down, gently pressing his nose to the crown on your head.

"So what you're suggesting then is-"

"We're soulmates," you cut him off, "and I am seriously angry with you."

Theo scoffed, the hand that once cupped your face now placed on his own hip, "Why? What did I do?"

You lifted your school shirt high enough for Theo to see the deep purple bruise on your ribs. He quickly grabbed your hand, forcing your shirt back down and scanning the hall, making sure no one else was looking.

"Are you mental?" The slight protectiveness in Theo's tone made your stomach flutter. "Are you mental? What happened to you? Get in another fight? Because we're going to have a problem."

Theo chuckled softly, "Well the one you should have a problem with is Bole because he's the one who hit me with the bludger at practice yesterday."

You frowned, "I'll fight the git, where is he?"

Theo couldn't contain the look on his face, "Calm down, anima gemella, we can't both be fighters."

You looked up at his big blue eyes, "Oh, darling. You have no idea what you're in for."

[oscar-wilde-thing]

Four years ago I sat in a psychiatrist's office. I was explaining why a certain Cognitive Behavioral Therapy technique felt impossible.

"If I don't think I know how a social interaction is going to work out, if I don't know the pattern, I can't do it."

The Dr nodded, and we moved on.

A few sessions later, she said she didn't think she could work with me anymore.

Great, I thought to myself. I'm being dumped by my therapist.

"I don't think I can work with you, because I think you're autistic."

I literally felt my world shift underneath me.

She explained more, about social interactions, about hyper sensitivity, about pattern recognition and anxiety and early-life academic achievement. I did end up stopping treatment with her, I don't really remember why. But I held that suggestion in my head.

The end of 2019 was rocky- working retail around the holidays is its own special hell, and my grandmother died in December of that year.

Then 2020 happened. COVID and isolation and protests and my workplace unionizing. Through all of that I was reading, and watching videos, and researching. About how autism and neurodivergency presents differently in girls and AFAB people. How the research is incredibly outdated and mostly focused on white, middle class boys. How getting a diagnosis as an adult, let alone an AFAB adult, is a fight.

I kept trucking along, learning new ways to cope. Figuring out that sometimes what I had thought were anxiety attacks was actually sensory overload. That my penchant for spreadsheets and what I called my "encyclopedic nerd brain" were probably hyper fixations.

It took 4 years.

4 years, 8 more mental health professionals, a mental breakdown, a month in residential mental health care, and 5 more months in acute daily mental health care, but today, at 12:55PM, I was officially diagnosed with Autism.

I'm sitting here at my desk weeping because I'm both so happy and so angry. Happy that there's a reason I feel the way I feel, that there's a reason why the world seems so harsh, that there's a reason why I sometimes physically can't talk and a reason why certain foods and sounds and textures make me want to crawl out of my skin. But I'm also so angry that it took 26 years for anyone to see. That it took another 4 years for me to get any answers. That there are countless other little girls and adult AFABS like me out there who feel like they're doing everything they're supposed to but not getting what the world tells them they should be getting.

My life has changed. Or maybe it hasn't changed. Maybe a door has opened that had never been seen before.

I'm not sure how to wrap this up.

I just know that learning more about myself is rarely a bad thing. And now that I know this big piece of who I am, I'll be able to go forward and learn more ways to exist in this world as an autistic person.

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

ALWAYS

Summary: When Y/N storms out in anger, Dean is afraid he's lost her.

Pairing/Characters: Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: None. All flangst. Kissing. Implied smut.

Word Count: 661

A/N: I saw this post and the pic made this little drabble bubble up in my mind, and I had to just go along with it. Hope you enjoy! ❤️

The dividers were created by @saradika-graphics

"Enough!" Dean barked at you. "I know what's gonna keep you safe and that's it, end of discussion. I'm not having this goddamn argument with you anymore!"

Your eyes filled with tears of frustration and you angrily spun on your heel and slammed your way out of the house.

You were gone for a few hours, trying to get your feelings under control and by the time you returned, your anger and frustration had mostly abated, though your annoyance with Dean's unceasing stubbornness still lingered.

As you walked through the door you heard Dean shout from the top of the stairs.

"Y/N!"

He bounded down the stairs so recklessly you worried he was going to break his neck. Though you should have known he was more coordinated than that. When he got to the bottom, he reached you in two strides and yanked you into his arms, squeezing the breath from your lungs.

"Dean. Air." You croaked out.

He pulled back and his face was full of sadness and worry.

"You came back." He said as he cupped your cheeks.

You frowned, perplexed at his reaction. "Uh...yeah, I live here, remember?"

You saw his jaw clench and unclench before he licked his lips and dragged in a deep breath.

"I thought...well, I thought maybe after we fought, you'd be rethinking that decision."

Your frown deepened. "Why would I do that? Because I was pissed at you? Because your stubbornness is one of the most frustrating things I've ever had to deal with? Why ever would that make me run away?"

When Dean's expression became even sadder and more worried, you laid your hand over his on your cheek.

"Dean, I'm teasing. Yes, I was incredibly frustrated and I'm still a little pissed at you. You don't get to call all the shots all the time. I know you want to keep me safe. But you can't wrap me in bubble wrap, lock me up in a tower, and throw away the key."

Dean sighed and dropped his hands from your cheeks. "Might be worth a try." He mumbled.

You shook your head, but couldn't hide a small smile. "Trust me, if you value your nuts, and want to keep them attached to your body - it's really not."

A smirk tipped up the corner of his mouth but fear and sadness still lingered in his eyes. You stepped close to him.

"Baby, did you really think I wouldn't come home just because I was mad at you?"

He shrugged dismissively. "I dunno. You were gone a long time, and you were pretty mad. And..." He looked down at his feet. "N, I made you cry."

You felt tears threatening again as you lifted his chin.

"Dean, I need you to understand this, okay? I mean, really, really understand and believe me. I don't care how angry you make me, or how frustrated I am with you sometimes. I am always coming back to you. Always."

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but you pulled him down to you for a kiss instead. You kissed him slowly, infusing it with all the love you had for him, and maybe just a little of your frustration too.

"Always." You promised again as you pulled away, breathless, but aching for more.

Dean's smile was boyish and shy. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." You smiled back lovingly before giving him a mock frown as you shook a finger at him. "But that doesn't mean you can go around pissing me off with impunity."

Dean shook his head solemnly before reaching his hand down to squeeze your ass and push you tight against him, making a soft moan fall from your lips.

"No, ma'am." He answered with a wicked grin. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

You giggled, the fight and frustration dissolving completely beneath want and desire. You grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the bedroom.

"I have some ideas."

Jensen RPF and Any/All Characters: @lyarr24 @lacilou @deans-spinster-witch @globetrotter28 @suckitands33 @akshi8278 @evznackles @jackles010378 @impala67rollingthroughtown @krazykelly @candy-coated-misery0731 @envyaurora95 @spnwoman @deans-baby-momma

Dean Fics Only: @roonthelittlespoon920 @slamminmine @zepskies

Any/All Fics Regardless of Character or Fandom: @kazsrm67 @slut-for-evans-stan @sexyvixen7 @nancymcl @waywardcheshire

Everything Incl. Fan Edits: @k-slla @leigh70 @eevvvaa @kickingitwithkirk @foxyjwls007 @notinthislife50 @roseblue373 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @avanatural @mrsjenniferwinchester @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone

[animasola86]

Smutmas: Take your anger (and stick it where the sun don't shine!)

Pairing: Sebastian Sallow x m!reader

Genre: Angst/Smut // Words: 3.9k // [Read on AO3]

Warnings: NSFW! MDNI! Explicit sexual content! Hate sex, oral, anal, mutual masturbation, double the amount of dicks!

Synopsis: You and Sebastian are both flawed boys and there is only one way to let out that pent-up frustration.

Notes: Beware: I am entering my explicit gay porn era! But hear me out: I, as the author, identify as female (and do not possess any male genitalia), and I believe most of my audience does too, but I wanted to try something new, so here we go. Don't worry, I did my research, yet I hope it was enough to convey what is going on.

Last warning: There's gay smut below! Read at your own risk!

Take your anger (and stick it where the sun don't shine)

“You insufferable little shit!” you could hear Sebastian's voice behind you. As you turned around, you saw him stomping right at you. You recognised his angry stance immediately.

“What did I do?” you asked innocently, putting your hands on your hips as you waited for him to reach you. You wondered how you angered the Slytherin this time (until the memory came back to you), though it didn't really matter either way, because when he stopped right in front of you, he glared at you out of dark eyes, working his jaw, and then grabbed your tie and pulled you unceremoniously after him. “Hey, easy!” you tried again as you stumbled along but to no avail.

Moments later, you found yourself being pushed into an empty classroom, heard the door being closed and enchanted, so no one would disturb you. You should have been more surprised, or even alarmed, but you knew the drill. This wasn't the first time Sebastian Sallow took his anger out on you.

Frankly, you were kind of hoping he would find you after you had convinced Madam Scribner that it had been Sebastian who was responsible for a bookshelf to collapse and burst into flames in the library the other day – when it had been you all along because you were still struggling to control that blasted ancient magic coursing through your veins, and sometimes things just happened, mostly destructive things.

And because it was easier to distract yourself rather than to deal with a problem head-on, a notion you certainly shared with the brunet pinning you to the wall right now, you often found yourself in his presence when you needed to take care of the steam threatening to burst free.

“You landed me a week in detention!” he growled and stared at you.

You raised your eyebrows. “Only a week? She threatened to expel me if I didn't tell --”

“So you admit that you blamed me? For something you did, presumably? You bastard!” Sebastian grunted and grabbed your shoulder to turn you around, pressing your chest against the wall. “You could have just asked to spend time together, you know?” he added in a lower voice as his hand slipped down the front of your breeches, his fingers expertly gliding over the stiff fabric.

He was right of course. You started doing those stunts to see him, meet him in detention, meet him anywhere really, because you couldn't think of anyone else who you could share your anger and frustration with than the boy behind you. You'd been to hell and back together these last years, and somehow when things got really bad, you always found yourself next to him, very, very close to him.

If anyone had ever told you that you would feel the most relaxed with another boy's dick up your arse, then you would have laughed and felt ashamed and frankly would not have believed them. But it was true. Anger sex was your go-to method of calming down again.

So you forced yourself to play along, counter his rage, defy it as best as you could with your cock already throbbing against the tight confines of your trousers. Even though your frustration had been running high these last days, causing the outburst in the library, you felt your own anger deflating the moment you felt Sebastian's hand palming your crotch roughly. Actually you always seemed to ease up the moment you saw his warm eyes on you or heard his voice in your ear.

Yet you'd never tell him how he made you feel, you wanted him to hate you, you wanted the unbridled wrath he could unleash upon you. So you kept pranking him, teasing him, angering him in any way or form. Because deep down you knew he needed it as well. He needed someone to handle the conflicting emotions running through him, chewing on his insides, destroying him slowly from within, ever since things went downhill in your fifth year.

Sebastian had lost everything that year and had found himself in a very dark place that only you had been brave enough to enter. Mainly because you were there too, for different reasons, but you still shared the rage coursing through your veins. The grief, the anger, the disappointment, the feeling of being all alone in the world, trying to shoulder things you were too young and inexperienced to handle.

It had been the end of the year, everyone had been exhilarated to celebrate the House Cup, to leave Hogwarts for the summer holidays, but you had found yourself huddled away, still in disbelief that you had lost your mentor and that everyone else seemed to have forgotten about it rather quickly. The battle of Hogwarts was no longer on the front pages, everyone had moved on. Yet you couldn't, because you still felt the energy pulsing through you of when you had absorbed Isidora's corrupted magic.

While you had tried to figure out what to do next now that the Keepers had abandoned you for defying them, you had met another lost soul in the dimly lit hallway. Sebastian had still been dealing with the loss and abandonment of his sister, the broken friendship with Ominis and the outrage that had killed his uncle, so when you two had met each other in the shadows while everyone else celebrated the end of the year, you had quickly found yourself in a dark corner, with no word spoken between you as he had rammed his cock into your underprepared arse.

The pain had numbed your anger, and quickly you had become addicted to the sensation. And now, two years later, you had made it a habit of completely driving him insane, bring out his rage, to feel it all over again. You both knew why you'd do it also and somehow he still played along, though you knew he was secretly impressed by your creativity of finding new ways to get him to hate you.

“Where's the fun in just asking you out?” you muttered back as he proceeded to grope you through your breeches. “You know I hate being boring...”

“Oh I know you do,” he grunted into your ear as he pressed his groin against your arse. “Can't do anything the normal way...”

“What's normal anyway?” you whispered as your hand moved around to grab at his thigh. “Definitely not this...”

“No, definitely not this,” he repeated and you could feel his hot breath on your neck as he leaned in to bite at your pulse. You couldn't help but wince when his teeth nibbed at your sensitive skin and frankly you were past hiding all those little twitches he was able to coax out of you.

“It wouldn't be the same,” you started, taking another sharp breath as you felt his fingers undoing your buttons before slipping into the newly created opening to tease at your dick. “I can't even imagine doing this normally with you. What would that look like? Would you buy me flowers and treat me to a nice meal? Out on a cosy date in Hogsmeade for everyone to see? Would you --”

“For Merlin's sake, shut up already!” he grunted, pushing you against the wall as he let go of you. You couldn't help the smirk from playing around the corner of your lips. He saw it when he suddenly spun you around by the shoulders once more, glaring at you out of those dark eyes that made you weak in the knees (not that you would have ever admitted to that). “You really like to hear yourself talk, eh?”

You scoffed and merely glared back at him. Shaking his head, he then grabbed your waist and forced your breeches down, your undergarments with it, and when you stood in front of him, literally butt naked, it was his turn to smirk at you. With his hand on your shoulder, he pushed you down until you were on your knees, looking up with your smug expression unfaltering.

“Look at you,” he muttered, tilting his head. “You pathetic little worm, kneeling in front of me with your trousers down like a bloody whore. Use that damn mouth of yours for better things, why don't you!”

Your hands were at the buttons of his breeches before he even stopped talking down at you. Undoing them with nimble fingers, you quickly freed his hardening erection from its confines and grabbed it roughly, causing him to stumble slightly. He shot you an even darker glance, but didn't say anything as he watched you do what you seemed to be doing best, at least in his eyes.

Leaning in with your eyes fixed on his freckled face, you gave his shaft a long skim of your tongue, taking in every single little reaction you caused in him. One hand moved up to cup his balls and give them a tight squeeze before you grabbed his length with the other and stroked it expertly as you focused the movement of your tongue to his tip, circling and lapping at it, sucking and nibbling on his sensitive skin until you heard the first little groan escaping him.

The sound vibrated through your entire body and you leaned back and watched him curiously, licking your lips as you did so. Your hand kept moving, firmly pushing his skin up and down, until you pressed your thumb to his slit and forced the first droplets of precum out of him. A shiver rushed through him and you saw him clenching his fists at his sides.

You leaned back in and closed your lips around the agitated crown of his cock, tasting and smelling that special musk you cherished so much, that would make your own body shudder in excitement. Of course you held back for now, focusing on him while your own dick stood tall and proud, bumping against your lower stomach with every bob of your head as you pushed yourself onto him and took him into your mouth as deep as possible.

As you felt him pressing against the back of your throat, you closed your eyes and held your breath, but you fought your gag reflex for now and pushed further until your nose was buried in his curly hairs. He grunted loudly as you forced his tip into your tight throat and when you leaned back again, you spluttered slightly and wiped a strand of saliva off your lips as you looked up at him.

He watched you darkly as you continued stroking him with a firm grasp, before you dove back in and repeated the same motion over and over again, each time holding him longer and deeper in your throat until you felt your eyes watering and his body shuddering more and more.

“Fuck!” he spat and grabbed your shoulders in support, his fingers digging into your shirt as he jerked his hips against your face.

You relished in his noises and involuntarily reactions as you kept bobbing your head on him, moving with the slight bucking of his hips, feeling him hardening to the point more and more precum leaked out of his tip. You lapped at it hungrily, the wet slurping noises filling the empty classroom.

Suddenly he gripped your hair and pulled you off him, red spots dancing on his cheeks as he stared down at you. “Get up and turn around,” he told you gruffly and you got to your feet and did what he told you, your trousers still pooling around your ankles as he positioned himself behind you.

He pushed his hard erection between your cheeks and leaned around you, grabbing your previously unattended dick with a fierce grip as he started stroking you, his chin resting on your shoulder, his shallow breaths right in your ear. You couldn't help the shivers running down your spine at the sensations and the little moan escaping your slightly aching throat. Closing your eyes, you leaned into his touch, even pushed your rear against him invitingly.

Not that Sebastian Sallow needed a formal invitation to do anything, he always took what he wanted, and right now, it was to drive his cock into your arse. With one hand on your dick, giving you those needed pumps, his other hand moved around your left butt cheek, groping and kneading it until he teased his thumb against the tight ring of muscles. You inhaled sharply when he pushed past the resistance and forced his digit in deeper.

You felt your legs trembling when he poked around until he pressed firmly against your prostate, coaxing a deep grunt out of you that made you stumble against his touch. You almost came right in his hand there, but then he pulled his thumb out and even let go of your dick, before grabbing your hips and guiding you back towards his cock.

Swallowing hard, you realized you were never really prepared for his intrusion and even though he had gotten better at making it less painful over the last years, it would still always take your breath away when he would fill your arse. This time he pushed his tip firmly against your tight hole and you inhaled deeply, trying to relax, before he used a sharp snap of his hips to push his length all the way into you until you felt his balls slapping against your sensitive skin.

A groan escaped you and you had to put your hands on the wall in front of you in support as he dug his fingers into your hips and just rested there for a moment, buried deep in your bum, giving you the chance to adjust to his size. He had gotten softer for sure, you thought, the Sebastian from two years ago wouldn't have given a damn about how much pain he would inflict on you, he might even have opted to make you suffer more than was necessary.

But this version of the boy behind you seemed to listen for your noises, wait for the shudders of your body to subside, before he finally started moving. Slowly retreating, until his tip was gripped by your tight entrance, then pushing back in with a quick jerk of his hips, back and forth, over and over again until you heard yourself moaning louder.

His hands were on your waist as the slapping of skin against skin filled your ears and all you could feel was the relentless rhythm of his cock sliding in and out of your arse and his pelvis slamming against your cheeks. You were groaning and moaning in unison now, a low rumble of noises mixing with the sounds of your bodies pushing together.

You felt light-headed quickly, but even in your haze, you felt the need to lower a hand and grab onto your own dick to release a little bit of that tension. Yet at the same time he had slowed his movements and leaned around to grab it too, your hands touching involuntarily. Despite the rather rough nature of your 'love making', it still sent pleasant shivers down your spine when his fingers would brush against yours, be it in class or the library when you reached for the same book, or in the middle of having him rail you into the wall, it always felt exhilarating.

Instead of withdrawing or slapping your hand away, he slipped his fingers between yours and guided them towards your cock so you started to stroke your throbbing member together. More moans escaped your throat and you couldn't help but lean your head against his shoulder as you felt your balls tightening under the combined ministrations of your hands.

He buried himself deep in your clenching arse and started grinding his hips slowly, pushing his girth against your sensitive muscles and all the right spots. You grunted deeply, biting your lip as all the sensations at once caused your dick to twitch in your combined hold. He seemed to notice your struggle to move on your own, so he kept stroking you fiercely, his own grunts loud in your ear, and when you came with a low growl, he wrapped his arm around your stomach and held you close, keeping you steady as you felt thick ropes of cum spurting out of your tip and dripping down both of your hands.

He let you rest for a small moment, holding you tightly as you leaned against him, his breath hot on your cheek as he turned his head towards you. You watched him out of the corner of your eye, panting badly, and when your eyes met, there seemed to be another one of those unspoken agreements you both had perfected over the last years.

You saw him smirk and then he let go of you and pushed you back against the wall, his hands on your hips, before he continued to move inside you once more, slow at first, but then faster and faster, as he drove himself deeper and deeper into your tight space with reckless abandon. Your noises of quiet whimpers and deep moans mixed with his grunts and the never-ending slapping of skin against skin when he fell into a rapid rhythm of slamming his hips against your cheeks.

There was the power you had needed, the raw emotion, the unbridled rage, as he rammed his cock into you at an impressively fast and deep rhythm, his length and girth stretching and prodding your muscles with each powerful thrust. You fought against the sensation, forcing your legs to stop trembling beneath you, your entire body tense from the experience.

But this was what you had wanted, all of it, and you craved the pain that came when your muscles started contracting around him, working against you instead of with you. You could have relaxed and let him have it, it would have been so easy, but you were too stubborn and frankly quite the masochist, because you needed every aching muscle, every screaming nerve, every burning sensation.

It was the only thing that kept you from losing your mind. And so you gritted your teeth and strained your arms against the wall as he kept rocking your body back and forth, over and over again, his grunts mixing with yours, as his fingers dug painfully into your hips, his balls slapping against you as his cock moved in and out relentlessly, the delicious heat of the friction driving you almost insane with pleasure.

You felt your dick harden all over again, but you couldn't give it any attention at this moment because it was Sebastian's turn to let go. With a loud growl, he gave you one final powerful thrust that rippled through your entire body as he buried himself as deep as possible before you felt his cock throbbing and twitching as he emptied himself inside your tight arse, his hot seed filling you up completely.

He kept grunting as more and more shudders rushed through him, more and more cum spurting out of him and into you, and as you savoured the warm feeling spreading inside you, you lowered a shaking hand and gave your own dick a few much needed squeezes before you came as well again, your body spasming against his as you leaned your sweaty forehead against the wall, unable to stop your legs from shaking beneath you this time.

Inhaling deeply, you tried to catch your breath, while the boy behind you leaned his entire weight on your back, his arms snaking around your stomach as he held onto you, his cock still twitching inside you. You let him have this rather tender moment and closed your eyes, but as soon as you relaxed against him and even raised a hand to put on his arm, a gesture that was usually too intimate for your liking, he retreated again, standing up straight and slowly pulling out of your clenching hole.

You let out another moan and a surprised grunt when he suddenly slapped your butt cheek with his flat hand, the pain rippling through you deliciously. It didn't however mask the emptiness you felt with his cock no longer lodged inside your bum, and without his girth, your muscles worked hard to move back into their original form, causing his seed to pump out of you relentlessly.

You rather enjoyed the warm sensation of being so full, but gravity and whatever other forces worked ruthlessly against you, leaving you to desire this whole spectacle all over again. Sighing deeply, you eventually leaned down to grab your trousers and undergarments, ready to pull them back up, but before you could do anything, you were suddenly spun around, almost stumbling against Sebastian as he pushed your bare backside against the wall, his eyes boring into yours.

Despite the intense gaze, you couldn't help but break eye contact and look down his front. His spent cock was still out, glistening in your combined juices, yet your eyes lingered on his wand in his hand. For a moment you wondered what he wanted to do, and when he grabbed your throat with his free hand you were really concerned for a second, but he only held you in place while he moved his wand over your soiled skin and cleaned your mutual messes.

You watched him intently, despite the tight grip of his fingers this might have been the gentlest gesture you witnessed him express towards you ever. He usually left you a shuddering, defiled mess (and you were there for it), but having him wash you so thoroughly, was certainly something else. When he was done, he pocketed his wand and let go of your throat, only to bend down and grab your breeches before he pulled them back up and helped you get dressed again.

You were more than confused, yet somehow oddly intrigued by this turn of events. As he grabbed your dick and shoved it back behind the confines of your trousers, you raised your hands and did the same to him. He seemed equally surprised and your eyes met for a long, heated moment. Despite sharing the most intimate desires of both of your bodies, you had never indulged in the more romantic kinds of affection, like kissing or hand holding or even hugging, in that order.

Both of you had resorted to the most extreme type of being together and never looked back, but standing before Sebastian now, staring into his dark eyes, you felt the need to take several steps back and redefine your relationship. Might also be the post-nut clarity, you weren't sure. Whatever it was, the moment quickly faded when he took a literal step back from you and tilted his head, looking you over grimly.

“Next time you need to do this, just send me an owl or something,” he told you gruffly and moved a hand through his messy hair. “I really can't have you ruin my reputation any further.”

“What reputation?” you replied with a low chuckle and a smirk. “I'm only adding to the already existing one... You did that to yourself.”

He groaned and gave you a glare, before he turned around and headed to the door. “I mean it...” he called back over his shoulder.

“I know,” you said and watched him leave. “Expect my owl then.”

Sooner than later, you wanted to add, but you didn't want to come across as too desperate. Though he probably already knew that and frankly you couldn't care less. You needed him as much as he needed you. Not just his cock up your bum, the entire package. And perhaps there was even one of those chaste kisses for you in the future, who knew.

End notes: I've always been a yaoi lover and it still took me more than seven months of being in this fandom to actually write something like this, oh well.

I was certainly channeling the snarky boy that is the male mc when writing this, I can just hear his voice taunting Seb.

Again I took inspiration from this Smutmas prompts list, so here we have Day 4: Anal and Hate Sex. As you can see I'm not doing those in order or even consistently, I just write them as they come (out of my brain).

Thank you for reading!

By the way, I have three other oneshots that are not exclusively female oriented, but gender neutral:

The Ghost under the Table (a bj in the library)

Just Breathe (an angsty love confession)

Just another adventure, right? (angsty first kiss)

MASTERLIST - KINKTOBER - AO3

[notmyprey]

Small vent cause I swear I keep seeing this, and it just bugs me. Im not angry, I'm mostly just sad that this is where we are right now.

Guys, can we not harass others. Unless they are hurting others, what is harassment going to do? Make them sad? Make them hate themselves?

People can, in fact, have different likes and opinions than you. As long as they are not actively hurting people, hating others, or being mean, what is wrong with what they are doing?

Liking sfw vore, extreme cuddling, or any of its other names is not something that one should be harassed over.

Likeing vore in a sexual light is not something to be harassed over.

Liking it both ways is ok, too.

Also, the fact that some people are going out of their ways to harass people who like vore (sfw or nsfw) in a fatal/digestion context is so sad.

I personally dont find vore sexual. I personally dont like fatal (in the sense that the prey is dead completely and isn't a ghost or anything that still has a presence).

But here is the thing. I dont need to like and/or understand it to respect it. I dont need to like spiders to respect people who keep them as pets. I dont need to like the idea of having children to respect those who do.

People. You dont need to understand their feelings. You dont need to feel the same way. But they are people too. They have feelings. They are more than just text on a screen.

I know I may seem like a flat, one dimensional person since I post 1 type of content here, and thats how many people who like vore make their blogs too, but I am a human behind the screen.

Just, please. Respect others. I know, many people here are hurt. I know many people here have trust issues, and unfortunately, a draw of the vore community is that need for trust. But having healthy boundaries, having a healthy outlet that's not an anger filled rant (*will elaborate on what I mean at the bottom of this), and having someone to ask "can you make sure this is me talking, and not just my initial reaction" are things this community needs to work on.

If I were to give any advice, it would be to wait a minute before you post a vent, rant, or anything along those lines. Walk away for a minute, come back, and reread it. You may find that some of what you type is your initial anger, fear, or hurt speaking, not you.

I want your real voice to be heard, yall, and sometimes to do that, you need to step back for a moment. So before you send that hate message, before you post that rant, please ask yourself:

"Is that me, or what I was taught"

* I want to elaborate on what I mean by anger filled rant.

What I consider an anger filled rant is when someone finds something they dont like, and decid to attack it.

Instead of making something informative, they make something emotion filled. This isn't always bad. But this can be bad if the thing they are attacking is something that is not hurting others or themselves.

So in short, what I mean by anger filled rant is, a rant that attacks something that is not harmful.

I dont condone harassment towards anyone, but I do understand an angry rant if it is about someone who is hurting others. Again, that is not the thing I am referencing. I am not saying someone being angry at another for hurting people is wrong, it isnt. People should be angry at people getting hurt.

So yah, thank you all for reading this. I just needed to get this out there.

Guys, btw, this is not sfw interaction only for me (if you're rb you wanna make sfw only thats ok, def enforce your own boundaries) cause:

1. I feel like this is important for both sides

2. I have a 'if I dont see you, I dont care' rule cause I have given up on trying to blog all nsfw ppl lol. Sides they aren't monsters or anything. Just ppl. Still dont want them rbing or commenting, but liking my stuff is fine.

[currentlyobsessedwithobi-wan]

Random thoughts about the Jedi Code.

(Reminder that I am no expert, so what I'm going to write at are just that : thoughts and opinions)

I guess what irks me is that, in my opinion, those who said that the Jedi Code/mantra is wrong take it way too literally.

People sees sentence like :

There is no emotion, there is peace

Or

There is no passion, there is serenety

And immediately thinks "oh, the Jedi aren't allowed to have or express emotions. How unhealthy !"

Now, I'm not religious but my mother is and so when I was younger I sometimes went to the church with her. And of course, I know the jedi order and christianism isn't the same thing at all, but what I realised is that religious writing have deeper meaning than it seems. And sometimes this meaning isn't quite obvious at the first read. Otherwise, there wouldn't be someone willing to spends minutes explaining one single sentences.

And even if we don't talk about religion, there's also philosophy. I don't know about other countries but where I'm from philosophy exams consisted in reading a complex text (sometimes long, sometimes short), difficult to understand and then "rewrite" in our own words and making it easier too understand. And sometimes I will actually spend an hour trying to understand it, because often the meaning of the text wasn't obvious. Because I had to study it and actually make an effort trying to understand it.

What am I trying to say ? Each field of knowledge has it's own vocabulary, it's way of expressing itself. Same words don't always have the same meaning depending in which field it's used (like attachment in psychology vs attachment in Buddhism). And knowledge, especially the philosophycal kind, is usually expressed in a more complex way than we would like.

I don't think I'm doing a good job at explaining this. Ironically, I'm not very good with words.

Basically, when I see "There is no emotion, there is peace", or there is no passion, there is harmony", I don't immediately think "the Jedi can't have emotion". I think about how none of the Jedi are emotionless, I think about Obi-wan joking with Anakin. I think about Obi-wan laughing in the elevator scene. I think about how kind Plo Koon is. I think about looking so broken as he hold his dying Master. I think about obi-wan getting angry at Anakin before the fight with Dooku. (I realise of course, that obi-wan is my main exemple, but since this is mostly based on the movies it's either he or Anakin). Anyway, if Jedi were forbidden to have emotion, he would have been expulsed a long time ago. But I also think about how Yoda said that "fear lead to anger. Anger leads to hate. And hate lead to suffering". And so, all of that considered, when I read "there is no emotion, there is peace" what I understand is that one shouldn't allow their emotion to control them. One can feel emotion and acknowledge them, but should always have a clear head, be balanced, before acting. Because instantly acting on emotions, mean acting on impluse. And acting on impulse when lives are on the line isn't the best decision, in my opinion.

Anyway, I'm not sure if most of you will be able to understand what i tried to say since I am, I repeat, bad with words (and English isn'tmy first language, I only use it on social media), but I wanted to share anyway.

[dumb-duxky]

Anger

Here is raph, not really what I envisioned when I started drawing but I like how it came out anyways ^^

Haven't really been drawing him bc I didn't really know how without doing him dirty...I'm not a fan of what I did for raphs day during tmaynt 🪦

Tried a new way to color, or new brushes to use, and I kinda like how it turned out 😋

[rant about anger under the cut lmao] [beware its a whole lot of (personal) yapping 😖/let me know if i should delete the yapping here]

__

I really like the kind of red waterpaint on raph, I feel like it really kind of adds onto how I personally feel when I get angry. It's just a feeling that creeps up on you. Sometimes it's sudden, other times it kind of builds up. But the feeling of anger makes you feel dirty and guilty in the end anyways, so it always is the same, yet so easy to fall back to.

Anger is actually a huge problem for me, and I usually explode on my siblings. It's not fair for me or them, and it always makes me feel terrible and dirty after. It's most likely a passed down thing, since my mom was always like that, then me, and now it's appearing in my younger brother. The only difference is that mine is very common and even they seem weary to not trigger me at times, which is such a huge L for me honestly ☠️

What I'm trying to say is that I really do understand Raph when he just gets angry for everything, its very relatable. Mostly 2012 raph. I relate to that Mikey too, honestly just the both of them. The anger is just so simple and complex, yet very annoying 💀

I do want to say that it's not as bad as before, as I used to get a little violent, and say more hurtful things, but now while i still get anger, I'm very careful not to seriously hurt anyone, mentally. I would never forgive myself if I got physical again. Unlike before, I am now an older teen, and I refuse to have my anger control me and have more permanent consequences. Also it kills me with guilt.

But now I've learned how to be a silly lil fellow, and that helps a lot more than what you would think ☠️

I will say that these days i have a very righteous anger, where I want everything to be orderly and fair. I get angry when my siblings act irrationally or get hurt, I do get protective, and it makes me feel like a dog 💀 I have been able to sniff out bad people long before they are revealed to be bad, such is the case in some of my sister friends (I'm right 100% of the time ☠️)

OK I'm going to shut up now I'm actually making myself angry for yapping tf ⚰️

(Might delete this rant here later tbh)

[greenerteacups]

Hi! I am an ardent fan of your writing, and I hope to be as sorted and planned as you some day in my own writing journey.

My question is: you have a keen eye when it comes to planning character personality, dynamics, and such. I've also been wading through your ask replies, and your insights into how you write people and how you make them play off of each other is so wonderful to read. If it's not too personal a q, how did you learn how to write like this? Did you go to school for writing, does it come from years of observing people, do you have reading list recs for "how to write real people and real interactions"?

Thanks! This is a really flattering question. I'll try to answer it honestly, because I wish someone had been brutally honest about this with me when I was a young writer.

I didn't go to school for writing. I started doing it when I was about nine years old. It sucked very badly. I kept writing throughout high school, and it still mostly sucked, but some of it was occasionally interesting. ("Interesting" here does not mean "good," by the way.) I took a break in college, and then came back. I've been writing ever since. Sometimes, I feel good about it. A lot of the time, I don't!

I hate giving this advice, because I remember how it feels to get it, and it's the most uninspiring, boring-ass, dog shit advice you can get, but it's also the only advice that is 100% unequivocally true: you have to write, and specifically, you have to write things that suck.

I do not mean that you should make things that suck on purpose. I mean that you have to sit down and try your absolute hardest to make something good. You have to put in the hours, the elbow grease, the blood, sweat, and tears, and then you have to read it over and accept that it just totally sucks. There is no way around this, and you should be wary of people who tell you there is. There is no trick, no rule, no book you can buy or article you can read, that will make your writing not suck. The best someone else can do is tell you what good writing looks like, and chances are, you knew that anyway — after all, you love to read. You wouldn't be trying to do this if you didn't. And anyone who says they can teach you to write so good it doesn't suck at first is either lying to you, or they have forgotten how they learned to write in the first place.

So the trick is to sit there in the miserable doldrums of Suck, write a ton, and learn to like it. Because this is the phase of your path as an artist when you find what it is you love about writing, and it cannot be the chance to make "good writing." This will be the thing that bears you through and compels you to keep going when your writing is shit, i.e., the very thing that makes you a writer in the first place. So find that, and you've got a good start.

Some people know this, but assume that perseverance as a writer is about trying to get to the point where you don't suck anymore. This is not true, and it is an actively dangerous lie to tell young writers. You are not aiming to feel like your writing doesn't suck. You are aiming to write. You are aiming to have written. Everything else is dust and rust. And of course, you'll find things you like about your pieces, you'll find things you're proud of, you'll learn to love the things you've made. But that little itch of self-criticism, in the back of your brain — the one that cringes when you read a clunky line, or thinks of a better character beat right after it's far too late to change — that's never going away. That's the Writer part of you. Read Kafka, read Dickens, read Tolstoy, you will find diary entries where they lament how absolutely fucking atrocious their writing was, and how angry they are that they can't do better. A good writer hates their sentences because they can always imagine better ones. And the ability to imagine a better sentence is what's going to make you pick up the pen again tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that.

Which is what I mean, and probably what all those other annoying, preachy advice-givers mean, when we say: a good writer is just someone who writes every day. It's that easy, and that hard.

[beanghostprincess]

Bughawk is soooo underrated and it makes me so sad. Please tell me you see how grand this vision is

I am personally more of a Shuggy/Crocobug shipper but that's mainly because Mihawk isn't doing it for me much?? I love him and his gold autistic eyes staring into my soul and his classy attitude and vampiric looking aesthetic, but I wish he had more screentime to figure out his personality better and enjoy him more. But I do like him! I swear! And tbh one of my favorite ships is Cross Guild, like, the three of them together, even if I have a bit of a preference inside of the trio. I do love them and tbh I think Mihawk and Buggy's relationship would be really funny to explore. Especially within the fanon portrayals of the characters because god forbid Oda gives the cool edgy swordsman more than three minutes of screentime and more than five words per episode.

Okay, so doing a mix between fanon and canon and "whatever the fuck I want to see these characters as because I am the princess of this blog and I can do whatever I want": I think their relationship is fucking hilarious.

Unlike with Crocodile, Buggy doesn't really know what to do with Mihawk. Crocodile at least is easy to read and he's usually the one to make the first move, but what the fuck is Buggy supposed to do with the swordsman sitting in front of him, legs crossed and staring into his soul like he's about to bite his neck and suck him dry. Scary. And also very hot. But mostly scary. But turns out Mihawk is like, way more peaceful than what he thought. He likes reading. And classical music. And swords in a very weird obsessive way that the clown should not speak about. And not much, honestly. Cooking, too, apparently. Buggy keeps learning new things about him every day and the guy opens up little by little, because even if he's quiet, the very few words he says speak a lot for himself. He's also a fucking sadist and loves teasing Buggy all the time to the point of making him cry of frustration, but, well, when he's good he's really nice to be around <3

They both have history with Shanks. You know the movie "The other woman"? The one about this girl who discovers her boyfriend is married and then becomes besties with the wife and start hating him together? That's the energy I'm getting from this triangle. Stop making Mihawk cry over Shanks not loving him and a past love!! Make him go "Oh. Yes. Red Hair and I had something. Pretty sure he still felt something for you, clown, so I am not happy about that" / "What?! Why would you be angry at me for Shanks' shitty feelings that have absolutely nothing to do with me, by the way, our thing ended years ago when his stupid-" / "No, no. I am referring to him. Moron. I like you" / "You do???'' / "Sometimes. Sort of. Maybe. Your existence confuses me". And then they start dating because nobody can tell me Cross Guild isn't just a poly relationship doing business together.

I think Mihawk likes Buggy because it gives excitement to his boring life and also he's fun to bully. Besides, he's more than what he looks like and he actually has a dream and pirate spirit, so maybe he's not as useless as he used to think. He's still annoying, yes, but oddly comforting. Mihawk can't quite figure out what he wants with this clown, so he just sticks around with him. Buggy is like a chihuahua. A very loud chihuahua. Mihawk is definitely a black cat. They don't match. At all. Not in the slightest. And yet, Mihawk likes his company. And Buggy actually loves seeing all the soft and interesting sides of Mihawk and realize that he's not as scary as he looks like. I mean, he could slice him in half if he wanted to and he's still scary and hot but, y'know, he has a very domestic side that Buggy likes.

Thinking about them being established is pretty sweet because I think Mihawk would like reading out loud to him and Buggy would make the funniest comments about the story. And they would cuddle. And it would be so uncharacteristically soft of them and it's something they only do in private. Crocodile stares at them from the corner of the room and,,, He likes having them there. He's not alone and it's kind of sweet.

Also overprotective Mihawk with Buggy my beloved. In the sense of: He cooks for him because his eating habits suck. He makes him go on walks and do a bit of exercise. He makes him read, too. Listen to music that it's not only commercial pop or circus music or musical/Broadway tunes. He takes care of the clown when he's not bullying him. I think Mihawk treats Buggy like Sharpay Evans treats her dog.

And following the Shanks thing to end this post: Bughawk is really cool because I think it would break Shanks' heart and I love angst.

[just-your-average-tangerine]

This is reviews and ratings for the narrative/ fiction podcasts I have/ am listening to. This is mostly for me but if you want to use this as a recommendation go for it but be warned I'm not talking about plot or giving a description, there's no mentions of potentially triggering material so do your own research first if that's something your concerned about.

Welcome to Night Vale

-Night Vale owns my entire ass, no one does it better. I've been listening since the beginning and while I do think the quality has dipped a bit in the last few years its still really good. 9/10

The Magnus Archives

-Nearly perfect. Holds up and even improves with subsequent listens. The final season drags a bit imo but worth it in the end. 9/10

Old Gods of Appalachia

-really good story, gives you a lot to keep track of character wise but is written well enough that its not too hard and you can still follow the story if you forget some. 8/10

Moonbase Theta Out

-I can't wait for this to be over. Unfortunately, the storyline has a chokehold on me, and i need to know how it ends. Otherwise, i wouldn't be listening anymore. While there are several pretty good voice actors, there's enough bad ones that it's hard to listen to. Took the idea that characters should be flawed a little too far and made nearly every character completely insufferable. Nearly everytime a character is being given critical and emotional information it cuts away, in what I assume is an attempt to save the audience from listening to the same information over and over again, but instead it deprives the audience that look at how the character reacts to the information, which could go a long way in making them seem more fleshed out, instead you only see them emote in angry outbursts or melodramatic soliloquies (which is not helped by the subpar acting). 2/10

Death By Dying

-pretty funny but I don't think there's been enough episodes to make a educated review or rating

Hello from the Hallowoods

- very good overall. Good story, heartfelt and well written. Percy's story hits close to home for me, which sometimes makes me mad because he comes across as very weak and insecure and it gets on my nerves. But honestly that's less of a problem with the Percy or the writing and more of a problem of him being one of the very very few trans masc characters in existence so its extra disappointing when i find him irritating. Polly owns my ass, I would die for him. 8/10

Where the Stars Fell

-I binge listened up to the current season which I feel wasn't the way to go but it's still pretty enjoyable. 6/10

Midnight Burger

-Very funny. I love the characters and their dynamic and just the idea of a time a space traveling diner, it's beautiful. The beginning of this new arc confused me a bit but it's starting to come together. 7/10

We Fix Space Junk

- Very funny but with the underlying terror of what's going on with automnicon. Looking forward to new episodes. 6/10

The Sheridan Tapes

-started really strong but has been spending too much time on the characters agnst and not enough time actually progressing the story. At this point I'm just looking forward to a conclusion. 4/10

Camp Here and There

- it was pretty good, nothing exceptional but not bad but then I took a single glance at what was going on in the fandom and it was so obnoxious that it immediately ruined it for me. I feel bad lowering the rating due to the fandom but like, yikes. 2/10

SCP Readings

-very entertaining, easy to follow even if you don't have any prior knowledge about scp, which I do not. 7/10

The Amelia Project

-I think I'm to early in this one to make a solid judgement but I enjoy it so far. Venerio haunts me.

[turbulentscrawl]

Identity(V) Headcanons: Andrew Kreiss

This one is not a request, just the next in line for my general HCs! As usual, if you like my stuff, feel free to shoot me a request.

-Andrew is a very hot-and-cold person. Mostly cold. …Like 85% cold. But it’s hard to blame him when life’s given him nothing to really have faith in. Once upon a time he still believed that good people existed, but his faith just waned and waned, and that’s long been relegated to fantasy. It’s incredibly difficult to breach his hardened emotional walls now.

-He made a conscious decision to not care about others’ wellbeing years ago so he’s largely indifferent to happenings that don’t involve himself. He’s not interested in looking out for or helping people, defending or comforting them. He does his share of good when he puts them in the ground, and that ought to be enough. And if he takes them out again later…well, if souls are real they’re surely long gone, right?

-Everyone knows he’s got a nasty mouth, right? Andrew was rarely spoken to kindly when he was growing up, and he learned to take those words and turn them back on people to keep them away. If he was always going to be accused of being cursed or demonic or whathaveyou, why should he bother with decorum? He cusses regularly and has called people every cruel name under the sun at some point. The worst of it is reserved for retaliation against people who start talking shit first.

-Andrew is not a weak man. He’s tall and athletic, and he’s adept with a heavy-duty shovel. That is to say, he’s more than capable of defending himself. He strongly prefers to avoid physical confrontation, but he has spent years throwing around bodies and I can assure you it really makes no difference to him whether they still draw breath.

-When he does get along with someone, the old habits die hard. Andrew spends a lot of conversation time still tripping over his own tongue, rephrasing harsh things he says out of instinct to try and be gentler, and then getting visibly angry with himself. (He is also not great at hiding his emotions.) He’s constantly afraid that he’s going to run off the good things he has and be back to square one.

-In an effort to…make up for? Cover up? those snaps he can’t hold back, Andrew sometimes rambles for long stretches. These don’t happen in front of groups, but during one-on-one time with his loved ones. He’ll get onto some topic he’s familiar with (or not, if he’s desperate enough) and just run his mouth off like he’s trying to lure you away from a trap with a treat. He’s not above shoving an actual apology treat at people either, if one is available.

-While not always the best at communicating his thoughts, Andrew is very philosophical under the surface. He’s had a lot of alone time to think over the years, and he’s analyzed every angle he could come up with to rationalize and understand his lot. He would really enjoy having a friend or partner who is up for those deep, 2-am conversations about the meaning of life and the universe. His own views lean towards the despondent, but he’d like to hear something more optimistic too.

-Even when close with someone, Andrew doesn’t initiate many conversations. Unlike some of the other introverts in the manor, this isn’t because he’d rather be left alone but because he secretly likes when they seek him out. You coming to him is a very simple reminder that his company is enjoyable and desired.

-The best Love Language for Andrew is probably Quality Time. He would like any of them if it came from someone he genuinely learned to love and trust, but Quality Time is what you’d need to reach that cherished place in his heart. Andrew acts prickly as a defense mechanism, and he needs someone who’s willing to endure his snappiness and show him they wouldn’t prefer to spend their time and energy on someone else.

-Andrew is the type to admire things silently. He gives compliments very sparingly, so when he does give them you know he really means it.

-He is plagued by back and shoulder pains. It’s mostly from his profession, standing hunched over for hours on end, and it’s affected even his resting posture now. He doesn’t just curl in on himself as an anxiety thing, he is sore. Can the Baron please invite a chiropractor next? A masseuse? …Yoga instructor?

-He’s mostly nocturnal at this point. (The manor’s scheduling has messed that up, though.) It’s not just sun-sensitivity, but that he usually worked after sundown when people wouldn’t be around the graveyard to see him.

-He loves a good homecooked meal! The best foods are the ones prepared by someone who loves you, so he’d choose a mediocre dish at home to the fanciest restaurants in the world.

[soopersara]

Respite

Zutara Week 2023: Day 5

Read it on AO3 | @zutaraweek

At the Western Air Temple, Zuko and Katara can't stop arguing. But at night, to let the others sleep, they go by different rules.

“Can’t sleep?”

“No. You?”

Zuko shakes his head. “Still not used to the snoring. I thought my uncle was bad, but between Sokka and Aang, there’s never a quiet moment after sunset.”

He’s lying. Katara has heard him jerk out of sleep enough times to know that he has nightmares, and she suspects that he’s noticed the same about her. But they’ve come to an understanding by now—they may not be friends, but after dark, they don’t have to be.

They don’t argue. That might wake the others.

They don’t ask too many questions. That might make them argue.

It feels like a delicate balance sometimes, but their nighttime truce hasn’t failed them yet. By now, it’s beginning to feel natural.

“The snoring doesn’t bother me too much. You get used to that pretty quickly when you grow up in a tent.” She peers at him from the corner of her eye. “I’m less used to Toph kicking me in her sleep.”

If he recognizes the lie, he gives no sign of it. Instead, he gestures toward the empty space farther down the terrace. “I made enough tea for two cups if you want some.” He raises his cup enough to give its contents a sniff, and his mouth pulls to the side. “It’s—probably a little better than last time.”

“Did you make two cups deliberately, or did you just forget how much water you needed?”

A shrug. “Possibly both. I think I used too many tea leaves last time, so extra water has to be an improvement. Right?”

She perches an arm’s length away from him, allowing her legs to dangle over the edge. “You taste it first. If it’s better than last time, then I’ll think about having a cup.”

“Fair enough.” He doesn’t immediately taste the tea, opting instead to look out over the moonlit valley while the cup steams gently in his hands. “Did I ever tell you that I’ve been here once before?”

“No. But I guess I’m not really surprised.”

She looks downward too, her eyes tracing over the ribbons of mist forming along the rivers and streams in the jungle below. He’s been traveling more than three times as long as she has. After so much time, it’s no wonder that his path has folded back on itself.

“Is everything the way you remember it?” she asks. So long as she doesn’t look his way, she finds that she doesn’t mind his conversation. He is more soft-spoken, more thoughtful than she usually gives him credit for, and if she doesn’t meet his eyes, the anger that would ordinarily roil inside of her lies dormant.

“Mostly. And not at all.” Zuko pauses for a sip of tea, frowns in thought, then pours a second cup and passes it her way.

Katara shoots him a sideways glance before accepting the cup. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean the temple hasn’t changed very much, but—I don’t know. I guess I look at things differently now.”

Her hands clench, and she drags her eyes down toward the valley again. It’s nighttime. As frustrated and angry as she might be, she can’t argue with him now. Not when it could wake the others.

Still, a sharp tinge of bitterness finds its way into her voice. “Why? Because you’ve just changed so much?”

If her tone bothers him, Zuko doesn’t show it much. Dryly, he says, “I’m taller than I was last time I came here. And I can see out of both eyes since I don’t have half my face wrapped up in bandages.” A pause, and when he resumes, his voice is softer than before. “I am different now. You don’t have to believe me if you don’t want to, but I have changed. Maybe not as much as I should, but at least being alone with my thoughts sucks less than it used to.”

“Hmpf.” Rather than responding immediately, she takes a swallow of tea. Though the flavor isn’t spectacular—it never is when Zuko brews it—the tea is at least pleasant enough to drink. Pleasant enough that she can hardly complain about it, even jokingly. She’s had worse in dozens of small village teashops. “I’m still waiting for you to prove that.”

“I know. I’m trying.”

She spares him another sideways glance. The fact that he always manages to sound, to look so earnest unnerves her a little. She doesn’t want to believe him, to trust him, but at the moment, she can’t convince herself that he’s lying. At the very least, he believes what he’s saying.

Maybe that quiet conviction is the problem. Why is it that he can be so certain when she doesn’t know what to believe anymore? It doesn’t seem fair. She’s been on the right side all along. She ought to know who she can trust by now. Zuko shouldn’t have this sort of clarity when he’s only just realized that his nation is in the wrong.

Katara leans back on her hands. She isn’t going to argue with him, but she refuses to give him credit for any clarity either. They have their truce, and if the only way she can maintain it without ceding any ground is to change the subject, that is exactly what she’ll have to do.

“Of all the Air Temples I’ve seen so far, I think I like this one best. The others felt so much—emptier than this one.”

For a few seconds, she can feel Zuko’s gaze on the side of her face, but then he turns forward again. “I get that. The northern and southern temples are so high up that they almost feel untouchable. Like they’re so far away from everything else that no one should be able to reach them.”

“What about the eastern temple? What’s that one like?”

He glances her way again. “You haven’t been there?”

She shakes her head. “The others left me behind in Ba Sing Se when Aang went to visit.”

“Oh.” His voice is almost impossibly soft, and he presses his lips together briefly before clearing his throat. By the weight of the silence, she suspects that he knows exactly when that visit was, exactly what being left behind led her into. “I’ve only been there once myself. It was—more open than the northern or southern temples, I guess. Spread out across a few different mountaintops, and I guess the extra space just made it feel different.”

“Hmm.” She exhales and takes another sip of tea. “I wonder if I’ll ever get the chance to see it.”

“I’m sure you will, someday.”

“What, are you some kind of optimist now?”

He shrugs. “You and the others have always managed to find a way before. I don’t see why this would be any different.”

Katara narrows her eyes. The same ember of frustration that has been sitting in her core flares up again, but this time, she can’t quite manage to contain it. “Oh, so that’s it? You decided to join us because you were tired of being on the losing side?”

“What?” His brows furrow.

“You keep telling us that you’re just here to do the right thing. I don’t think that’s true. If you really wanted to do the right thing, you could have started a long time ago.”

They’ve tread this ground before. She knows what’s coming—he’ll insist, yet again, that he’s trying to be a better person, then she’ll push back, and the cycle will go on. They’ll argue over and over, and it will never end unless he gives up or finds a way to finally change her mind.

The trouble is that even she doesn’t know what that might take.

There is a sort of melancholy that comes over his face, and his shoulders hunch. “I’ve been telling you the truth.”

A bitter laugh claws its way up her throat. “You keep saying that. Do you really think repeating yourself is helping anything?”

The tired defeat in his eyes feels like it should break her resolve, but Zuko just shakes his head and looks out over the valley again. “You don’t have to believe me if you don’t want to.”

“You really don’t get it, do you? I do have to believe you. Everyone here is my family, and if you’re going to be around them, I have to trust that you’re not going to hurt them. And—” Despite her best efforts, her voice begins to wobble. “And I can’t trust you.”

“Oh.”

For what feels like a long time, that is all Zuko says. She thinks she sees his hand hover hesitantly toward her shoulder once or twice, but he never quite makes contact. She can’t decide if that’s better or worse. He cares enough to want to comfort her—or enough that he wants to make it look that way—but he’s either too disingenuous or too frightened of her to actually try.

“It was you,” Zuko says at long last, not quite looking her way.

“Excuse me?” She can still feel the heat in her own voice, and she stares daggers at him.

He clears his throat. “The other reason I came here. I mean—I did want to help. I still do. But—” He looks down into his teacup. “I had to leave home. By the end, Father just wanted to see the rest of the world burn, and I was tired of walking on eggshells to keep him from turning me into an example for everyone else.”

That figures, she wants to tell him. He’s the son of the Fire Lord. Sooner or later, life with his own family was bound to become too painful, too dangerous to bear. But the fact that he had no choice but to flee does nothing for his trustworthiness.

Zuko isn’t finished yet. With a sigh, he rubs his eyes with the heel of his hand. “It took me a while to realize that I couldn’t run away unless I had somewhere else to go. But as soon as I did, I thought about what you said to me in the catacombs, and—I guess I felt like I’d finally found my place.”  

Her temper spikes. Maybe he’s telling the truth, or maybe he’s not, but it doesn’t really matter. True or not, the idea that he’s here because of her just hurts.

She slaps her teacup down and pushes back from the edge of the terrace. “Don’t say that. Don’t you dare act like what happened in the catacombs mattered to you.”

Zuko rises just a moment after her. “Katara—”

She starts marching back toward her own room. If she has to stew in there alone for the rest of the night, she will. Anything to stop this conversation.

“Do you remember what you said to me?”

She fixes her eyes straight ahead. Just keep walking. Sooner or later, he has to give up.

“You told me that you thought I’d changed. And I had, a little. But now things just keep changing, and if I can’t stop that, I want to at least have some say in where I’m going.” He pauses, almost like he’s hoping that she’ll turn to face him again. “You thought I could be a better person. I wasn’t back then, and maybe I still haven’t gotten there. But I want to. Whoever you thought I could be back in Ba Sing Se—I’m still trying to figure out how to be that person.”

Katara stops walking, and her hands tighten involuntarily into fists. She wants to believe him. That fact surprises her more than she wants to admit. A person like him, like the better version of him, would make everything better. He could take an immense weight of responsibility off of her shoulders if only his change was real.

Maybe if she could shake free from the mistrust that has gripped her for so long, she would find that it is. That Zuko really is better now.

“Please,” he adds, voice soft. His footsteps come just a little closer, angling to one side where he can make out her face in profile. “I just want to know what I’m still doing wrong. I’ll fix it all if I can, I just need to know where to start.”

She shakes her head. “Nowhere. Don’t you get it? You aren’t doing anything wrong, it’s just—” Her voice wavers, then breaks. “It’s just that I believed you once before. I don’t think I could take it if I messed up and trusted the wrong person again.”

With one last, surprisingly light step, Zuko comes close enough to touch her shoulder, and this time, she feels the soft, warm weight of his hand. “You weren’t the one who messed up in Ba Sing Se.”

Though she is still both furious and hurt, she can’t help but lean into him. “What difference does it make whomessed up? I almost lost one of my closest friends. And I did lose someone else who I wanted to be my friend.”

She can only see him from the corner of her eye, but he appears briefly stunned by her candor. Then, instead of retreating as she expects, he offers her a tentative hug. “I’m not going anywhere this time. Not unless you want me to. If you ever decide to give me another chance, I promise I’ll be right here waiting.”

[heretherebedork]

Not to dwell on the fanservice issues since I also cannot engage with that part of BL for similar reasons, but I am truly concerned that the industry still doesn't have a way for brand pairs to end without causing massive harm to the actors, both personally and professionally. Sometimes I think we've made massive strides in fanservice, but then I see all the massive brand pairs currently in existence and how companies have not figured out how to let these actors move beyond them. I'll try to avoid using specific names, but there are some HUGE brands at GMMTV right now that one day might want to branch beyond BL . And we have seen how the breakup of a certain GMMTV pair caused fan devastation, harassment of a new actor, and frankly something that isn't talked about enough - actors now have to contend with a loss in job stability and probably income. Sure, their personal fans and casual viewers (me) won't care - but I am not paying money to go to their fan meetings or brand events or their concerts, and those pair fans won't either. And companies seem to just be sticking their head in the sand and hoping they can recruit the next big thing before a pillar explodes.

Even in a less controversial moment, it was just announced that a pair is ending as one needs a health break. And, thank god he's getting one. But it's also insane that their careers are going to have to undergo fundamental changes and potentially job losses (aside from dealing with angry and heartbroken fans, of which I've seen many) because they might have new onscreen partners.

I can only think of a handful of examples (I'm specifically thinking Max and Tul but there are others I'm sure) where actors have been mostly able to end their specific brand partnership (or move to other projects) without imploding the BL universe. But in those cases, I never get the impression it's because the company has a well thought out safety plan that they've discussed with the actors to minimize the impact on their careers and move them in a new direction. It seems like the lucky few have great working relationships with their co-stars and are basically able to leverage either their personal friendship or stellar working relationship to put the brand pair out to pasture with very gentle hands.

There's other issues about fanservice that really grinds my gears, but in light of the fact I believe some pairs will be ending soon, this has really made me extra angry. It feels like company negligence is going to stab some of these actors in the back when they feel like it's time to fly the nest. And fans are enabling their poor behavior.

This is all a very valid worry and one that I definitely share. Fan's response to actor pairs breaking is extreme and the ones who are really dating are even worse. I think of MewGulf every single time and the vitriolic response that people had to them and it's just... so scary, honestly.

I still see people on the some of these shorts and posts lamenting an actor pair that did one show together and never planned on doing another and people expressing how heartbreaking it is that they're not still together and just... yeah.

And having no plan for ending these pairings and their careers after does absolutely trap these actors in a portion of their career until or unless they're willing to give it all up in order to move on to something new. Which is not how it should be! Fanservice is meant to be fun and compliment to the shows, a fiction for the viewers that they enjoy, not the end all be all of an actor's career.

And there are just... there are so many actors that, right now, if they announced that they weren't dating... they would be destroyed. Utterly. Completely and totally and people would be rending their clothing and screaming about true love and it just scares me.

Fanservice has a place but I think there has to a pull back on them.

I, admittedly, don't know much about pairs that have moved apart in the longterm but I've seen people still mad about short term ones and making up longform fictional excuses for them not being able to work together but still being in love and it's just... it's wild. It's scary. They are actors! Acting! I promise!

I don't trust anything until or unless they're not working together anymore. They have to not be working on any shows together before I'll believe anything because look at what the shipping gets them. The dedicated fans, the hugely defensive fanbase, people so loyal that they will look for any sign they're in love and buy every single fanmeeting ticket, music event ticket or piece of merch based on their relationship.

Truly wild.