#i know the tag purists out there are probably not gonna like this one

[slythereen]

now that rbr and ferrari appear be cute buddies happy to allow their drivers to publicly interact on main i think it is a GREAT time to once again implore EA to give us a lestappen race. like what is stopping them from utilizing their beloved sponsored drivers for prime marketing glory

[emiliosandozsequence]

okay i'm gonna be very frustrated and angry probably but none of this is directed at you guys i promise!!! i'm just!!!! upset!!!!!!!!!! (tagging you so you see this emily!! 💕 @thesparrow1996 )

let me start off by saying i am not a book purist by any means, but when visual media is being made from a book, i would like it to, at the very least, be telling the same story and that isn't what happened here. it wasn't even telling the same story as the first film in the series.

in the last film, it seemed pretty apparent that paul's visions were going to become a reality and then in this one they Sort Of did that, but Not Really but that isn't even my biggest gripe with it. my biggest gripe is that the last film was telling the story of the book and this film was telling a different story altogether.

my other issue is how chani's character was completely changed. and think is probably because i've been obsessed with her character and the lovestory between her and paul (which is CENTRAL TO THE PLOT OF THE WHOLE SERIES BTW) since i first discovered dune when i was in high school.

in the book, she's supporting paul. she agrees with everything he's doing. she and the fremen all support him because the fact that the bene gesserit are controlling things from the shadows is NOT!!!!! a well known thing!! in fact no one knows that except the bene gesserit!!! OF WHICH CHANI IS CANONICALLY ONE!!!!!! (and even then the bene gesserit are very much a 'knowledge divided' kind of people so no one knows everything about the society) she and irulan are literally narrative foils!!!! like the entire reason i made this web weave was because of how much i fucking LOVE chani's storyline, and because i really love how it shows even the most well meaning of people can fall into the trap of doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. but i suppose it makes less sense to anyone else who hasn't read the book because they also entirely erased the existence of paul's first son.

in the books, paul has a son before he has his twins and that son is murdered by the very last of the harkonnens in a last ditch effort to erase the atreides bloodline. before this, paul is refusing to take the water of life because he has a family and he doesn't want to jeopardize that!! after his son is murdered, he takes the water of life, so he can enact revenge on the harkonnens and start his holy war. by then, he his so distraught that he really doesn't care if his visions become a reality and, while they tried to do this with the destruction of sietch tabr in this film, it does not have anywhere NEAR the same emotional impact because of how it was done (without paul really ever spending any significant time among the people there).

also, as you can imagine, i've got an issue with how they leave this film especially since this isn't even really the full first book and chani and paul's lovestory seems to not be anywhere near as central to the main plot as it is in the books.

all of this is an issue if they want to make further films because they've literally wrecked the storyline with this film. as i said: paul and chani's lovestory is central to the plot. everything happens the way that it does because paul is in love with her and treasures her above everything and, without the existence of his son, without him really seeming to truly care about her, the rest of the story is just going to come across as cheap by comparison.

i wouldn't have had as much of a problem with this if they'd started out the last film by steering it in this direction, but they so very much did not do that. this film really feels like denis villenueve was writing his own fix-it fanfic and that's what i hate about it most.

as for things i did enjoy:

everything on geidi prime; the black sun was so fucking cool. i completely forgot that was a thing from the books. i also loved how the fireworks looked like ink blots

stilgar!!! he's not really like that in the books, but i didn't even care bc it was genuinely funny and i had a good time whenever he was onscreen.

the way chani refused to bow to paul because they're supposed to be equals (you deserve so much better, babygirl, i'm so so sorry for what they've done to your story)

florence pugh did exactly what i thought she would and made me like irulan a WHOLE lot more than i do in the books and the miniseries.

crazy paul and jessica and alia!!! deeply obsessed with their evil family slay

also all the weird family stuff in general, including when feyd and harkonnen made out in front of the whole population of geidi prime

the whole bit with paul learning to ride the sandworm!! that was so fucking good

the part where paul is walking toward rabban out of the fog of the sand on arrakis after he tells muad'dib to come face him. that literally was my fav scene and it was only a few seconds long.

[conduitandconjurer]

I don't get why the fans are so pressed about Klaus needing someone around "he's just latching onto Five/S!Ben cause U!Ben died", like... yes?? Most likely?? That doesn't exclude that he can love them too. Also, if you go through a loss so big the people around you aren't gonna just isolate you so you can "become your own person". And the "It's just another addiction" it's also so extreme! He DOES need his family! I don't really get it. Do you have an opinion?

Wait.

Wait so portions of the fandom are upset that Klaus is projecting his love and guilt over "his" Ben onto sad asshole Sparrow!Ben? Or? What, that he's an emotional whore that just needs to go around clinging onto whoever's closest?

I guess I don't understand the issue--what exactly about that is problematic to them? Are they not aware that Klaus has never felt that his mental or physical boundaries were respected, because of Reginald's experiments, and the ghosts themselves To me all the above does is show how much Klaus loves and misses the brother with whom he was always tasked to tag along, as children, and probably feels the one way he can gain closure over all those toxic years of codependency with Umbrella Ben is to help Sparrow Ben face his rage and shame and sense of inadequacy.

Is the argument that Klaus isn't capable of loving his family and that getting Ben back is a "new addiction'/"distraction"? Because that's frankly such a distorted interpretation of canon that I don't think it's worth either you or I wasting much time or energy on it. Whoever watched Season 3 and gleaned that probably has a personal axe to grind with someone in real life. Klaus probably reminds them of that person or experience so they're grafting the lens of a dysfunctional coping mechanism over Klaus's desperation to make all his years of severe trauma, suffering, and misplaced shame into something honorable. These people probably also wholly miss the point of the "scooped out ice cream" moment, the reason why he let himself be subjected to "bus ball," and the suicidal moment in the White Buffalo Room and are quick to say that Klaus's temporary desire to just rest where he "belonged" was selfish and callous. They don't realize that maybe he's sick of only being loved when he's useful. A really forced and artificial overtone of TUA discourse has always been to "compare traumas" for the 7 respective sibs and make a debate for who "has it worst." What's the point? It's not slices of pie that'll run out. I wish I could say it was even isolated to TUA, but it's not.

I think it's also strange how absolute and purist the perception of "goodness" is. Well written characters are always lovable but flawed. And it's not conniving or selfish to be motivated both by selfless love (Klaus wants to be emotionally close to Sparrow!Ben and Sparrow!Reginald--the latter of whom I loathe, btw--and make up for lost time) and by the silver lining of self-benefit (Klaus wants to find closure, self-esteem from an outside source--never a good idea, but he's still learning--perfection of his powers, and clarity of purpose). I say this as someone who has lived 39 years as a consummate people-pleaser: we live in a predominantly Eurocentric Protestant social narrative that tells us we have to be productive all the time, give all the time, be selfless and self-effacing, and ignore our own boundaries to please others. It's a lie to say a character doing genuinely good and kind things with any simultaneous ulterior motive is somehow the Devil's Armpit. I have trapped myself in the role of a caregiver who never takes a turn for so long that I cheer for anyone who has that "ENOUGH" moment, followed by "no, this time, I'll look out for me."

Klaus isn't just here for a distraction, a fix, or shits and giggles. Klaus adores his family and mourns harder than anyone because there is no beginning or end to his access to the afterlife.

I know it's upsetting, especially if you relate to Klaus, but filter out these portions of the fandom and continue as best you're able to love what you love <3

[cruciferous-spatula]

the Sims tag!

I was tagged to do this by @pixelatedpanic, thank you for tagging me!

what’s your favorite sims death? I'm gonna go with disease. I like that horribly hilarious coughing and how it spreads to everyone. Fire and hunger are good too, but one is too noisy and destructive and the other one just takes too bloody long :D

Alpha CC or Maxis Match? Maxis Match, though I wouldn't say I'm a purist.

Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? No. Why would I? If anything I wish there was more body diversity in the game (ts2) as even the 'fat' state looks pretty slim to me.

Do you use move objects? Yes, every time lol.

Favorite mod? ACR - I use this tweaked version by @episims and am very happy with it although it torments me to no end as my sims will not behave

First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? It was The Sims: House Party. I think I was eight. I returned it because I learned that I needed the base game to run it, and my allowance couldn't get me both. But I was able to exchange it for The Sims: Deluxe Edition which was awesome.

Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? Live as in give, mostly

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? It's a toss-up between Marama Tuatahi and Maitea Lehenik for me, they had so much character. If I have to choose one I'll go with Maitea because I loved playing her as a hot widow that all the men in town heart-farted over, and her particular style was unique in my little world so far.

Have you made a simself? Yeah, probably a dozen times, in recent memory mostly to test the ts3 and ts4 sim creators. My first sim-self I made as a 13-year old. I made myself as a teenager, my younger sibling as a child and our parents, and I picked romance aspiration for myself, not knowing then what that meant as far as gameplay was concerned. I grew up to marry Darren Dreamer and had an identity crisis when I got a bad memory out of it.

What sims traits do you give yourself? Brooding, Couch potato, Shy, Vegetarian, Frugal

Which is your favorite EA hair color? Uh... Red? Are we talking ts4 colors because I don't mess with that

Favorite EA hair? The store hair that's like a bowl cut

Favorite life stage? Teenagers :D all the drama, none of the boring responsibilities

Are you a builder or are you in it for the game play? In it for the gameplay. I like building but it's always with play in mind :)

Are you a CC creator? No(t yet)

Do you have any simblr friends/a sims squad? No, I don't really know what a sims squad is. I have a friend I used to play sims with, but no one I know irl knows my simblr and I like that.

What’s your favorite game (1,2,3,4)? sims 2 for definite. I've dabbled in ts3 and have a grudging respect for it, 4 not so much, and 2 definitely feels like an upgrade from 1 to me.

Do you have any sims merch? No.

Do you have a youtube for sims? No.

How has your “sims style” changed throughout your years of playing? At first, starting at Christmas 2004, I only wanted to play Veronaville because it was pretty. I later played some in Pleasantview to make my sim self and realize I'm not really a romance sim. Then I would build random half-decent custom worlds for years, gradually discovering cc and sims blogs, and through the latter get inspired to play the premades exclusively for yet more years, experimenting with megahoods and uberhoods. And now I'm all about the test of time challenge, and we'll see how long I'll be able to stick with it.

What’s your origin ID? uhm, it's either Jo137P or abosmalbysom, I haven't used origin in ages

Who’s your favorite cc creator? @sunmoon-starfactory, all their sets are what's keeping this very restrictive challenge stage the most fun rn

How long have you had a simblr? I started this one in June last year, so a little over a year, but then it took me about six months to actually start posting so lets call it even and say 9 months :P

How do you edit your pictures? Just cropping mostly. I'm dabbling in light exposure because some of my screenshots get hella dark

What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? You know, I just wish they'd kept making expansions for The Sims Medieval. Like you could have a variety pack where you could choose a different map layout, different styles for the different buildings (yes EA, with different facades and floorplans too!) maybe an expansion that let you actually go to The Village and like Tredony and stuff on diplomatic or trade missions and actually see different people and different worlds

Phew! This was a reminiscence. I'm gonna tag @clouseplayssims, @squeezleprime and @cobycobsy2k. Sorry if y'all got tagged or did it already! Have a good one!

[ravenkinnie]

2, 3, 32, 33

Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

honestly, major character death - I've written about canon deaths but I can't imagine the high of writing a longfic or a multichapter and knowing you're about to pull this mf out I BET it hits

also smut-wise. monsterfucking and blood as lube. I am a monsterfucker, a horror lover, a lesbian with needs

Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

high school au if you ever see me posting a high school au I've been taken over by the tlou mushroom virus, I fucking hate high school aus sm..... take that 35 yo man out of math class or so help me

How do you feel about smut?

I only really read smut that is a part of a bigger story (not necessarily multichapter but like, idk, 10k+) or one that serves as a basis for a character/relationship study - sex is such a good way to examine and figure out characters and I love playing with it and I love reading it this way. you either are a person who's willing to sacrifice characterization for a kink or the other way and I'm a character purist first and foremost dhhshsjsj

How do you feel about crack?

'crack treated seriously' is fr the best tag bc it holds the marking of what a good tag needs to be - an absolute ride like you never know what you're gonna get, it will either be someone being horny for 5k words, someone being funny for 2k words, or the most evocative beautiful study you've ever read for a pairing that has exactly one other fic and it's probably a high school au

40 Questions — Meme for Fic Writers

[madammobius]

Chao Update: #3!

Heyo! Madam Mobius here again, and welcome back to the Mobius Garden! I’ve been really busy, and tonight I’ve got some special stuff for you, but first I just wanted to have a bit of transparency and go over a few things.

Since last time, I’ve started using Chao World Extended, a mod meant to enhance and improve the overall Chao World experience! However I’ve always been a *bit* of a purist when it comes to modding games, so I went through the customization options and only checked things that met one or more of these requirements

1: Aesthetic only: Things that only effect looks like the day/night cycle option

2: Was in the Dreamcast/GC port, but was somehow made unobtainable on PC. A good example of this is the jewel chao. The dreamcast had a little gadget called the VMU packaged in, and if you had enough of the in-game emblems you could unlock jewel chao, a special chao variant, with it. However, since the gamecube and PC have no VMU they have become completely unobtainable. Chao World Extended adds a different way to earn them through the Jewel Races! I thought this was fair because it’s still a challenge, and there would be no other way to do it anyway.

Here are some screenshots of the only options I have checked for the mod (as well as my SA2 application as a whole): 

I’ve talked to some of the chao island admins and one has confirmed that beyond one thing (which we’ll get to when the time comes) there are no other vanilla changes, just additions

Okay cool, that’s probably the most infodumpy I’m ever gonna get here lol, like I said just trying to be transparent

Now who’s ready to see some cute chao? 

They’re conversing :00 

Full video with sound here! (You can hear them talk !!)

He loves when I shake him hehe :)) 

Onto some of the more substantial changes though! I’m still trying to decide what type to evolve these little babies into, so throughout this post you may notice that I change course a little bit in the types of animals I give and which stats are highest. Rest assured though! By the end of this post I will definitively have the answer for my evolution plans!

Took a look at UwU’s stats, and it looks like her personality has cycled from the last time I checked! It was cry-baby before but now it’s energetic

Veeeeerrryyy interesting combination !

You absolute troll  ( ⚆ ◡ ⚆ )

Work hard

...nap harder

Time to learn some wonderful singing! I wanted to focus on UwU for a bit so I left OwO in class

I’ve decided that UwU is going to be a power-type! Her highest stat grade is an A in Power so I decided I want to raise it to an S when she evolves

Soon she will be strong enough to demolish the competition in karate (｀\/´)

More stat grinding...

OwO has returned! He is now a wonderful singer :)) 

Accidentally gave UwU a vulture but the new wings and hair kinda look cool with the arms lol

Laaaaaaaaa!!!

I threw a bear at him lol (￣\/￣ )

Checked the black market and they had a very interesting item for sale! It seems my emblem collecting has paid off and there is a shiny blue egg for sale

( I actually saw a rarer orange one much earlier but didn’t get it so  (ゝз･) )

I mean I really SHOULDN’T buy this one... I have enough emblems for much rarer eggs to appear... plus I’m already swamped raising the other two chao and... hmmm

I bought it.

They have all gathered around for the hatching!

Well..... at least she was there at first...

Guess she was curious and decided she doesn’t care  ¯\_༼ ಥ ‿ ಥ ༽_/¯

She’s aliiiiiiiive!!!! 

Welcome to the world, small child

DRAMATIC POSE

𝘼𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙑𝘼𝙏𝙀

...this is literally the most adorable creature on the planet I would die for you （；へ：）

Stat check!

Not terrible! I don’t think I’ll evolve her based on stats though, she’s way too adorable NOT to be evolved for looks

Checks out

Taking her to the fortune teller to get her named next... 

hmmm... blue... shiny..... water name? uhhhh hydro? no no.... ocean? nah nah...

wait.

Heheheheheh....

Heheheheheheh...

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH...!

Everyone say hi to Soleanna! (Second N was removed in-game because of character limit, but her name is Soleanna)

For those unaware, Soleanna was the name of the City of Water in Sonic 06! I thought it was fitting because it’s water themed but also silly and a sonic reference lol

You know truth be told... UwU and OwO’s names were just kinda pulled out of a jokey joke hat because I needed to call them SOMETHING. I was gonna wait a little longer, but now that we have a naming theme...

Elise and Mephiles it is!  (again, Mephiles had to be cut short because of character limit but...)

I thought it made sense because they’re both hero and dark chao, plus it fits with the Sonic 06 reference theme

Mephiles would be proud to have an evil chao named after him :)) 

I guess Elise has taken a liking to Soleanna’s eggshell.... I can’t tell if that’s endearing or SUPER weird...

bird :)) 

looks like Mephiles is going to the races!

LITERALLY ANNIHILATED THOSE OTHER CHAO

ONCE AGAIN

He won a shovel!

Elise is gonna do some Karate! Use the strength of all those bears I gave you!

OHHHHHH!!

TWO HIT K-O!! 

She preceded to absolutely annihilate the entire tournament!

Owned

whatcha got there, Soleanna?

SHE’S RIDIN’ THE DUCK!! (ⅈ▱ⅈ)

Awwww, Elise and Mephiles are singing and playing music for her while she rides!! They’re all so cute !! 

So uh.... I kinda did some stat grinding with a dark character on Elise and well...

...she looks a bit like moldy cheese now

I’ll get her fixed up with Tails, don’t worry  ε-(´ D｀) ﾌ

no thoughts, head empty

wait a minute... i hadnt even noticed! Elise’s evolution stat traits are starting to come in! that means she’s getting closer to evolving into a power chao! (power chao have these sort of stripey patterns on them)

We did some more karate to celebrate

It went about how you would expect after her last performance  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In other news though, I’ve decided Mephiles’ final type! I’m gonna go with run! Mephiles’ namesake is a Shadow impersonator, and since a Dark-Run chao looks like Shadow I thought it would be funny :)) 

So I went to City Escape to collect some rabbits! And uh...

They are looking....

...and I do not know if it is respectfully ●﹏●

Mephiles understands that even dark lords of evil can have cute pink bunny rabbit ears

I’m sure you’ve noticed, but Mephiles’ evolution stat traits are coming in too! He’s growing spines and getting a little bluer!

You’re so adorable I’m gonna lose it...

Alrighty! Before we go, here’s a final stat-check for the road!

----------

That’s all for now folks! Thank you for reading it all if you made it here :))

Remember to check out https://chao-island.com/ if you want to learn more about chao and the raising experience! It’s a great resource

My chao posts will always be tagged with #MobiusGarden in case you wish to block them

Love u!

[definegodliness]

Petty and stiff-bourgeois

When the internet gets to me with people displaying next-level pettiness and stiff-bourgeois demeanour, I sink back in my chair to remember the pre-internet age. Not because those days were better, hell no, but because it was so much easier to put things into perspective. Nowadays, I’ve noticed that some of the eighteen-forties narratives posted would make me groan like a dog growls when a random person passes the window, soft and prolonged. It got that bad. So I had to find an antidote. And so I think of the times when a brand new national dictionary would come out. Because when a brand new national dictionary came out, you’d shortly after always get a sent in letter in the newspaper.

Now the newspaper and I go way back. I know I was a weird kid for reading them. But I always, and still do, loved the smell of inky paper. Some people like the smell of gasoline, this is my tic. Back in the day I loved its stern black and white aesthetics as well, and I do think newspapers ruined themselves by colour printing, just like churches ruined themselves by adding central heating. Churches should be cold. I’m not even religious, but there can be no discussion. How else will people feel small and humbled? Get your comfort at home, sinner. This place has been surrendered to the elements. The way God intended. Discomfort keeps you on your toes, and so newspapers should be large, printed in black and white, and without those convenient staples in the middle keeping it together, because the truth is large, clumsy, and uncomfortable. 

Truth should stain your fingers.

Those newspapers made me study Journalism, right around the time old media extinguished. During that time, one thing happened that to this day baffles me still. Imagine this: a class of say twenty-five aspiring journalists, asked if they’d rather be sold dry facts or opinions, and all but I preferred to be sold opinions. I argued that one needs the dry facts to shape an opinion, and they all looked at me as if they saw water burning. And I remember the vacant stares when I mentioned I actually liked doing the effort to shape my own opinion. I have rarely felt so alien and misunderstood in my life. What happened to ‘the fly on the wall’? I wondered. The teacher chuckled. 

He was glad ‘we’ still had a purist. 

So that day I decided New-Age Journalism wasn’t for me. And, despite the nostalgia, I gradually stopped reading newspapers, like the rest of the world. Knowing the type of people who’d write what I was consuming of course didn’t help. But in the end I simply stopped reading because the truth had turned convenient, small, biased, and comfortable to whatever your affiliation is. To get a snippet of reality, I had to buy at least four different opinion pushers, which I did, and then puzzle my way toward the golden mean. It became such a chore I found myself solely enjoying the funnies, and, of course, the sent in letters.

When the internet gets to me with people displaying next-level pettiness and stiff-bourgeois demeanour, I think of what once was the rarest and most hilarious breed of human. You see, every time a brand new national dictionary would come out, there’d be sent in letters of people complaining about a myriad of words that our youth and good town folk in all decency should never be allowed to read. Cuss words, of course, but also words as uninspiring and plastic as ‘penis’, ‘vagina’, and ‘bosom’. Not to mention ‘scrotum’, or ‘nipple’. They’d go apeshit over ‘apeshit’, and in displaying their fifty shades of rigid fanaticism they’d become so grim, so helplessly humourless, that of course the contents of their letters became hilarious. 

Boob is not a funny word per se, well, it’s kind of funny, but there is little more absurdistically enjoyable than the word ‘boob’ leaving the pen of a sourpuss in genuine disgust.

There are, and have always been, people so petty and stiff-bourgeois that they’d go through the lengths of buying the latest edition of a dictionary on the first day of publishing to then immediately dedicate hours of their time, locked up in the study to remain undisturbed, executing a self-imposed divine calling. Taking their trusty and angry red pencil to tag, count, and mercilessly comment upon commonly used words. Words sometimes distilled to their driest version, leaving no synonym at all to describe for instance a bodily feature. The entire endeavour demands such tenacity and dedication in maintaining that level of maddened outrage that you cannot convince me there isn’t a moment somewhere halfway the process they’re thinking:

“What am I doing?!”

The must consciously ans repetitively shush that voice of reason. Then, after all that, they manage to go even further. Let’s zoom out for a second to appreciate the absurdity of the situation. Someone who has just finished scouring the dictionary for words deemed immoral, utilising a standard that would put even the most dedicated puritan to shame, now sits behind their desks and takes the time to write an actual handwritten letter utilising their freshly and painstakingly gathered information. Enraged, I reckon, for the red lettered filth by their own hand written. And this is the frame of mind in which they probably read it over a couple of times, checking for spelling mistakes, therefore unable to see the undeniable irony of writing all these words they condemn so deeply, for people all over the country to read. This should be another chance to favour a moment of reflection. However, they are already in too deep, and now can only live with themselves thinking the end justifies the means.

Then there’s the moment when they walk downstairs proudly waving that letter, already in its envelope.

“Debra, I’m gonna tell ‘em!”

And Debra also doesn’t offer a voice of reason. Debra doesn’t even look up from her crossword puzzle and says:

“That’s nice, honey.”

And so they walk on. Toward the mailbox. With a letter of Don Quixote-like insanity that bears their full name and address as a sign of sacred dedication. And even then I reckon they still could be sobered up by the fresh air, experiencing a moment of clarity, actually seeing the ridiculousness of the entire situation. Another chance at self-reflection. And then still, lastly, there is still one moment of possible hesitation and contemplation left, the moment where they slide that letter into the mailbox’s slit and fate is finally out of their hands.

These people exist.

There are around eight decision making moments in this what is the shortest summary of necessary circumstances wherein the windmill chasing self-proclaimed virtuous crusader decides against better judgement. Eight decision making moments in an entire day of living dedicated to removing the word ‘nipple’ from the national dictionary’s latest edition. That was then. And this was when solely the utmost madly bigoted, self-righteous, and oblivious otherworldly specimen of human could seep through the filters of media consumption. Offered a platform for nothing other than editorial shits and giggles. 

Now these people have internet:

Write, post.

Two decision making moments. And when the internet gets to me with narratives belonging to the eighteen-forties, I think of all the like-minded martyrs who in the time of ancient media went through all those steps aforementioned, only to bail out at the very last second of actually dropping off that dumb-ass letter in the mailbox. I think of the time when seven chances at contemplation was enough to save us from a mind-numbing display of mental deterioration. I imagine how vast this stiff-bourgeois crowd gets with every fewer necessary step. When the threshold has been lowered to merely two moments of chanced contemplation and reasoning.

When I sink back in my chair and groan like a dog growls when a random person passes the window, I make myself remember that who we are dealing with are non-threatening, hilarious crazies. Red pencil wielding dictionary condemners who have been shaken free from the threshold of effort. And I think we all tend to forget that. We forget to laugh at them. Laugh at them with all our hearts, shaking our heads simultaneously. We forget we are witnessing rarities. And must not allow ourselves to be cursed into taking the windmill chasers riding under the flag of anonymity seriously. When we forget to laugh at human absurdity, we become part of the joke ourselves. So let’s go out and wield some ‘lol’s and ‘tears of joy’-emojis.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hey!! 👋🏽😄 I know you said in your last rant about SK8 and Reki and Renga that you were one of those people that always looks up and learns from others, but after your last Langa edit, I just wanted to remind you how immensely talented you are. I might have not seen your first attempts at editing, but I know how it looks like when you're barely starting something, and I'm sure everyone is proud of the progress you've made and many people looks up to you as the level of skill they want to achieve. You're doing amazing! 💖💖💖

Hi, my love!!!!!! ASDFSDFGHG that’s soooo sweet, thank you so much for saying this, it really means the world to me <3 Oh, haha I’ve deleted most of my old videos so it wouldn’t hurt anyone’s eyes lmao T_T I’m still a bit nervous each time I’m uploading my vids to the day to be honest, even with so many subs rn, but at first I really didn’t have any supporters at all and my god I sucked at this, but I guess the love for my fav ships was stronger apparently haha. So I always get silly happy at each nice comment and feedback, so thank you seriously. 

I really love love love vidding, Idk why but when smth comes out the way I wanted it’s a super addictive feeling for some reason, but many times I just looked at the final result and just threw it in the trash and started over and my god how many times SonyVegas crushed and didn’t autosave the project. I’m like Suga now, I’m pressing the save button each 2 minutes, cause don’t want to lose anything xD Being someone’s inspiration is truly an honor to me, I’ve got some messages that hit me too hard. Still feels weird bc I’m like “but do you know that I can’t even use photoshop tho, how do u like me now then?” lol.

I’m always drawn to talented characters, bc they amaze me, esp the humble ones. Like those who hate Haru or Lanaga just buffle me honestly. I understand that they’re pretty and talented and everything, but they’re also the sweetest and loveliest human beings, so like...??? And I adore those who don’t whine and get what they want. I just can’t help it. I’m a strong believer in the fact that "you can do anything if you put your mind to it”. So far it worked in real life so suck it lol.

People are also saying like Langa doesn’t deserve to win this and Haru doesn’t deserve to be in Olympics, like Langa didn’t snowboard since he was 2 and Haru wasn’t swimming every day since he was born. I’m like.. and you need to check in the mirror if your face is a shade of green. BTW I’ve also been in a professional sports for quite a long time since I was a little kid, ballroom dancing and adored it back then, and I did not get jealous at ppl who were talented than me, I was watching the tapes actually with a popcorn. And oh god those large competition events when you sit there for days and give it all, but then you’re like 296 out of 1000. Why was I proud instead of being sad? Idk xD It was fun.

So thanks for liking the vid, cause I even regretted uploading it a bit yesterday. Sadly everyone already knows that we lost this fandom to the middle schoolers being extra, so they do not care for anything each episode except for this ship, so that’s what I got for posting a just Langa vid:

And etc. and that just made me sad, cause I do not like such fandoms, like it’s not even related to the video, that I’ve been making... with love.  Also thanks for the "sama” title, I’m flattered, but editor only wants to vid matchablossom for now, so like there’s no need for any warnings. I’ve been in such horrendoes fandoms, that I’m immune to this. I also in fact didn’t know some keep ruining Langa’s page and saying that he steals Reki’s screen time... cause he’s aparently the only main character...? ...lmao? I didn’t even know Langa can be hated tbh. I wasn’t really ready for all the drama that followed me making a vid about him.

I’ve already deleted some comments, cause I’m like what this even has to do with the vid about Langa? No, I am not obliged to make a vid about Reki, too. What if I post a matchablossom vid, everyone will only start commenting “do renga”, cause fuck your efforts? I’m like... I hate such fanbases, seriously. I do not even know where this is going, but their fans are already pissing me off. I’m still trying hard for this to not affect my point of view about the ship, cause it’d be kinda unfair to them, but its getting harder each week istg.

And I maybe can’t take requests, but I love when some try to get me addicted on their ship with passion and great arguments. It happened to me with some nice ppl. But def not with agression and stupidity haha.

Cause apparently its one of the fandoms where you can’t NOT care for the main ship, even if you accept it for the only possible Langa ship (cause he doesn’t give a shit for anyone else, so like what’s the point), but it doesn’t do anything for you. I’m like... thanks for threatening. This will make me on board ASAP. Like it’s not the epitomy of love to me... I’m sorry? LMAO 

Some anon even sent me a “you’re dense” (literally thats it) ask after that Reki ask. I was tempted to write smth like “oh I’m sorry, this is the most epic love story of my life and his character is the most complex in the world and he’s the best friend and the most inspiring human being that ever hit my screen. can I become undense now? xD”. But you know I do not know if they’d realise the sarcasm and my pride sadly never allowed me to sell my life values for a bunch of 12 years olds to love me lol

My sister always laughs and jokingly says “but you’d probably get much more subs if you made a vid about this or that, but at what price that would be lmao”. Cause yeah, I never could make myself vid smth I do not like, cause I love vidding and do not want it to be associated with things I do not like, plus it’ll most likely turn out ugly, if I do not care. My mom says that she can feel love I put in my shipping vids that’s why she loves them. I really don’t think she’s wrong. But that also kinda makes me an idiot technically, cause I’m not into many of the popular ships, and some popular animes I just find really basic. 

Also I’m like 100% sure it ain’t happening, but even if they miraculously suck each other’s dicks while sitting on a skate board, I can still have the rights not to care at the end. Like did I sign some form where I’m obliged to love each and everyone canon gay ship even if it’s not what I like? Like gay is not the type of love in relationships. You can only care about his ass like Lan Zhan for example or you can only care about your ass. Like that’s different types of relationships, and whatever you like you like. So get all the way of people’s backs, please.

Also do ppl know that you do not need to be blind to the bad sides of the characters in your ships? Or you just gonna be like “I suddenly can’t see” for forever.

So really thanks for such wonderful message and liking the video and for the boosts when I need them and not being an ass to me if I’m not being obsessed with smth, when you like it. (like I think we have different ship in bnha, right? but we’re still doing great tho, thanks for being an angel <3)

I still didn’t expect this becoming a Voltron 2.0. situation tho. We in our twenties see everything differently, I guess. I do get extra about “their love is everywhere”, but I do not get extra by anonymously attacking ppl, threatening creators and yelling “queeerbating psychotic blind assholes if these two aint fucking by the end of the season I’m shaving my head and jumping out of the window and shoot the director. you do not ship it HARD? YOU DUMB FUCK. THAT’S THE BEST LOVE STORY IN THE WORLD”. Like damn, take your blinders off and see the world, kid. Firstly, it’s definitely not, secondly, ppl see love differently in general and at each age too.

Ah, also you must kill Adam, cause he’s a pedo apparently. Like he ain’t even a threat to your ship, unless you’re blind, but they’re still at it, like they do not know that this kind of age difference is literally nothing for an anime? And that there are canon ships with a huger age difference left and right, too. It’s like its their first time approaching an anime or smth. Like in anime world character can literally kill 1000 ppl with his bare hands and bathe in their blood and we can still stan them, depends on their story, ok? Also Langa couldn’t care less for his advances, so like separate Adam from your ship pls. Like, fuck off, if someone is interested in his character. Yeah, he’s a weirdo for reasons, but anime kind of weird do not apply to real life. Stop acting like you’re some purist, when later you’re gonna ship smth else and it suddenly will not apply. Also rules do not apply to animes, everyone knows they do not apply. These are not western cartoons, my god. And 24 years old flirting with 16 year old is defiinitely not the weirdest shit anyone has ever seen in the anime. Chinese BL has characters who were 14 and 30 when they met and happily married. Also FICTION is not life. Literally no one cares. If you’re scared for your saint eyes, do not watch animes, you’re gonna have a heart-attack from what you can see there. Also we’ve seen gayer bromances in animes, who are just bromances, so pls do not shoot anyone if it’s not canon.

So basically I was kinda pissed yersterday, cause fuck them for ruining the tag, but after chatting with my hommies and your ask, I’m okay again, I just have to avoid this fandom and stick to a tight community xD. I just got used to my nice fandoms and forgot for a bit about the precautions you need to take if you’re in one of those. You know. Who make a circus out of lgbt, instead of supporting it, and make other ppl hate being in fandoms.

P.S. sorry for this partially unrelated rant, your messages really always make my heart bloom, so thanks for supporting me, and I know you’re proud of my progress, too <3 and this makes me happy. LY

[ayesleigh]

Top 10 comfort movies!

Thanks so much, @hellomynameisdevi! 😀✨

Not really ranked in order of preference because if I had to do that this would take several more days probably and it’s already kinda late as it is (sorry).

Howl’s Moving Castle -- My favorite Studio Ghibli movie, though not without stiff competition. Sophie’s relatable, Howl is charming and funny, the dynamic between the main characters is sweet, and the rules of magic in this world is interesting. It’s not hard to find the Ghibli films charming and compelling and I adore the ones I’ve seen, but this is generally the first one I reach for.

Sleeping Beauty (1959) -- My favorite Disney film as a little kid was Aladdin, but I found myself appreciating this one more and more as I got older. The aesthetic of this movie is so pretty, Once Upon A Dream is an ear worm, the major movers-and-shakers of the story are three little old lady fairies, Maleficent is the best Disney villain, Philip had a bit of a personality with the cajones to square up against a giant dragon, and the dads are pretty funny.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit -- It’s such a weird move to make a crime noir film in a world where humans and cartoons live together (especially when well-known cartoons are making cameos and talking with Eddie like they’re old friends), but it works and it’s awesome. Plus it gave us the iconic Jessica Rabbit and her relationship with Roger is cute.

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar -- Dated to its time but also groundbreaking for its time. And funny and quirky and queer. I’ve adored it since I was a kid. I’m told that it takes a lot from The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, which I need to see.

Dracula: Dead and Loving It -- Yeah, one of my favorite Mel Brooks films is one that the fandom generally considers to be one of his worst movies, but I love it. Whenever I had to visit my relatives in Texas as a kid and I needed some time to myself, I would go into their bedroom and watch this along with Robin Hood: Men in Tights and Hocus Pocus which my family didn’t own at the time so I got to see those movies maybe once a year.

Mirrormask -- One of the more obscure adaptations of Neil Gaiman’s works (and I don’t hear the book get mentioned a lot amongst his literary works either), but it’s such a strange, unique, and creepy fairy tale of a movie.

Mortal Kombat -- Another childhood favorite even though it’s not enough to make me forgive Paul W.S. Anderson for what he did to the Resident Evil series. It’s goofy and funny, I like the fight scenes, the acting is all great, the music is dated and awesome. Really wish it had gotten a better sequel, though I do enjoy some things about it (I know it’s really bad, but I do anyway).

Pacific Rim -- I love this movie so much. The robots, the relationships, the music, the homages, no one being reduced to a satellite love interest... *chef’s kiss* Plus it can be fun to explore what would happen if your characters had to go through the Drift. It’s just too bad the sequel didn’t measure up to the first at all, though I did love Liwen Shao and she should’ve had a better movie.

Sherlock Holmes (2009) -- Holmes purists will probably come at me for this one, but idc, it’s a movie that I never fail to be entertained by. This Holmes and Watson are second only to the Elementary Holmes and Watson. The third movie on this list where the sequel was a let down, but hopefully the upcoming installment will be better than that one was.

Pride and Prejudice (2005) -- Austen purists will probably come at me for this one too, but again idc because I love this version with my whole heart (and I still haven’t seen the Colin Firth version yet, whoops). Austen’s story is wonderful, Joe Wright’s movies are always beautifully done, the actors knocked it out of the park -- it’s just lovely every time you watch it.

Anyway, I’m gonna tag: @jacobmybeloved, @jurassicpunk, @stillinthefield, @flyingraijinn, @21-galaxies-far-far-away, @senka-mesecine; if you wanna do it!

[writing-for-a-chance]

My  Escape {S. Black}

Summary:   Request💟Sirius is wandering around in dog form(for some reason) only to find Slytherin!reader crying near the forest. He hated her her out of association with Mulciber, who is a family friend of the reader. He approaches her in dog form which ends up with her venting about how she hates everything Mulciber does and only stays around him because shes scared of him. Blah blah Sirius realizes shes not a bad person and later tries to coax her into hanging out with him to get her away from Mulciber. (Dear Nonnie: I had to change it up a bit due to me not liking my first draft. But I’m super happy with this so I hope you also are)

Masterlist (ALL)

Requested?: Yes!

Warnings: Language, set SLYTHERIN!Reader, it’s kinda sad. 

Words: 1,446

Feel free to reach out if you want to be tagged.

The day had been filled with too much sorrow for Y/N to enjoy even with the sun outside as she walked around, kicking the grass. Her legs felt tired, but her mind felt exhausted. She huffed at herself, feeling tears slowly build upon her lower eyelids. 

    It was just too much.

    Too much pain she felt. She was trapped with no sign of escape all thanks to her stupid pureblood parents and their ideologies. She resented it all, but the worst was being forced around Mulciber. He was a good-for-nothing blood purist and an asshole. Her parents had told her that they expected a friendship from them, meaning she was forced to be around him for whatever reason there was. Yet Mulciber was cruel, constantly being harsh towards her, pulling on her arms, calling her disrespectful terms, and forcing her to be a snobby uptight snake. 

    Her parents were his worst weapon, the way he used them against her, saying things like “If you don’t act right I’ll make sure your summer is spent in a cage.” It scared her. She wasn’t safe, her tormentors followed her everywhere.

    The coating of wet tears fell down her cheeks, and she cried, whimpers fell past her lips as her hands clenched in the cool blade of the grass. Surely she would get reprimanded for skipping dinner, yet there was so much build-up she needed an escape. Her mind was an endless pit, and she hated each and every second. The crunching of grass was able to distract her, thinking someone had found her, but instead the source of the sound was a… dog? Yet there were no dogs allowed in Hogwarts. She stared at it with swollen eyes, watching as it approached her before sitting down by her legs. 

    The dog was definitely furry, and there was no collar or marking to tell her it had an owner, so she guessed it was a stray. She smiled lightly, sticking out her hand for it to sniff, but it didn’t like any normal dog. I just shoved its head into her hand and came closer, leaning against her side. Y/N was impressed, for a stray, the fur was incredibly soft, each touch of it felt like heaven. She hugged the dog, deciding to call it a male for now, “I don’t know why you’re here, but I am thankful.” She whimpers into his fur, the tears coming again, to which the dog pulled back and licked her face, “Oh, I.. I’m sorry, you see things aren’t going well for me here, but I can't tell my parents.” She sighed, laying down in the grass.

    The dog did the same, laying against her with his head resting on her body, “A lot of people see me as a bad person due to who I hang out with also. I’d like to think that maybe if I wasn’t in Slytherin, or raised by blood purists, or had other people around me, then I would have been better.” She smiles, lazily stroking the dog's fur, “I think I’d like to be in Gryffindor if I could change. There are many talented people there. Many I’d like to be friends with, especially Sirius Black.” She suddenly sits up and giggles to herself, “You kinda look like him. That's what I’ll call you. Sirius.” The dog wagged its tail in response and she couldn’t help but laugh. Hugging it tightly, she smiled, “Y’know, I should be in there right now,” she pointed at the castle, “Mulciber, one of the git’s that haven’t made my time here easy probably expects me. I’m forced to be around him because of our parents, both are pureblood snobs, and they want me to associate with them. So now people hate me without even knowing me.” She sighed.

    Sirius watched, with sad eyes, she didn’t know that the dog named Sirius was actually him, or that every opinion he had on her had changed, but worst off all she didn’t know that she understood the pain of parents who held expectation, ones that though they weren’t good enough, ones that caused more pain than resolved, and without even knowing, he let out a whine. Y/N looked over, worried as she tries to figure out why the sudden noise, “Are you alright Sirius?” She panicked, checking over anything she could find, but the only response was him pulling away, and running off. Probably not his best choice but he needed to figure out what to do. The emotions he tried to hide were matched and amplified by a Slytherin girl that was used. He had left her, in the field, panicking over a noise he didn’t mean to make. 

    Yet, he didn’t want to return, so his only hope was to go back tomorrow with something that only he would have. It was apart of his muggle collection against his own parents. Tomorrow he would bring it. 

~

Y/N had hoped to see her new companion, this time bringing some food so both could snack on if he came. To her surprise, he had beat her, while he had something dangling in his mouth. It seemed familiar, yet she could only distinguish it as the precious leather jacket that Sirius wore. ‘Shit! He’s gonna think I stole’ she considered, sliding over to the dog and taking hold of the cool material, “Hey, Sirius. Mind letting go?” She hushed her tone, giving a slight tug on the sleeve she had grasped in her hand. The dog eased up a bit but didn’t let go, “You don’t understand how much trouble this will cause, please.” She hissed slightly, surprising herself at her own tone, “Sorry, it happens when I get worked up.” She sighed, letting go and sitting on the ground. In her distressed state, she looked forward, the grasp on her mind loosening until the Jacket was placed on her lap and the dog ran out of sight. Confused, she got up, taking the jacket and trying to chase after the dog, only to run into… human Sirius. 

“Hey, what’s got you crashing into me like that?” He smirked, looking at her with a glint in his eyes. He watched her flustered state, which was much different than her inside the school, but that wasn’t her, “You seemed in a hurry.”

“Out of my way Black,” She hissed, her mask back on, “I need to find this dog. It had black fur that was mangy, kinda looks like you.”

He laughed, “It looked like me? Now that’s quite the observation love.” He smiled at her, “Also is that my jacket?” He played off.

She looked down actions panicked as she slammed it into his chest, “That stupid dog somehow got ahold of it and brought it to me.” She growled, shaking his hands off of her in an angered manor, “You name one dog after you and they suddenly bring me your possessions.” She huffed, pointing a finger at him, “I swear if you had something to do with it ill shove my-”

“I did.” He shrugs, shoving his hands in his robe pockets, “I was there the entire time.”

She looked at him, clearly puzzled, “What do you mean? I made sure no one was around. It was only me and Siriu- You spied on me as a fucking  dog!” She yelled, “I told you things that could fucking get me disowned. Things I haven’t told anyone. You…” she faltered, sitting on her knees, tears collected again, “You made me think I finally had a friend.” She spoke, her voice cracking on the last word.

Sirius didn’t think, instead, he just hugged her shaking body, pulling her into his lap as she cried, “You do.” He whispered into her hair, pressing soft kisses to her hairline, “You still do.”

She smiled, hugging him, “I’m scared, Sirius.” She spoke, “My family, here. It’s all so dangerous for me.” She spoke, “I’m scared of what they’ll do.”

Sirius pulled her as close as he could, resting his chin on the top of her head, “I know. My family is the same way. It got to the point where I’ve been disowned.” He whispered, “But it turned out good for me. It meant I was no longer chained down.” His voice carried out softly, and he could feel her trembles lessen, “We’ll figure this out.”

So they sat there on the ground, Y/N not worrying about who saw. She finally had an escape, an adorable escape who just happened to disguise himself as her dog friend, but it was a  safe friend, one she felt comfortable in his arms.

~

A/N: So ill be releasing a new series prologue soon as like a ‘Hey! New Series is in the making’ and honestly i’m extremely happy about it. The planning was so good and it’s going to be a series, The Series is called ‘The Night, Dusk, and The Day.’ and honestly i’m unbelievable happy with it.

[smores100]

i really snjoy reading your opinions on wtfock (i may have scrolled through your posts tonread your tags) and holy shit i agree 100% with you! bless you for being brave enough to share your opinion!

awww anon, this was a sweet msg to come back to, thank you! the fact that you scrolled through my posts to read *my* tags and *my* opinions….me???….you flatter me 😌 my tags are often so rambly and messy bc i have Thoughts but i don’t always know how to make sense of them but sometimes i just GOTTA so then that happens. and i appreciate being called brave but lol i’m really not! notice how i share my opinion/crticize/rant in the tags instead of making my own posts…i’m a wuss who can’t handle confrontations, but still has things to say and a desire to vent, so rambling in the tags is my solution, haha. i just know a lot of my opinions are probably unpopular and controversial and i don’t want to piss anyone off with my negativity. plus i’m sure i’ll be accused of being a skam purist who hates on the remakes just for the sake of hating, which is untrue bc i *did* try to like the remakes, and fact is i *do* love some of them, BUT it’s also true bc i’m 100% a skam pursit when it comes to s3. say what you will about all the other seasons, but og s3 is PERFECTION in every way, and aside from maybe a thing or two i wouldn’t change ANYTHING about it, so if you’re gonna copy/paste it OR make changes then hell yeah i’m gonna have Thoughts about it, and don’t be surprised if they’re not positive ones!

(also if i’m already here, let me just say regarding the last two clips - EEK. i’ve said in another post how i hate that they broke this scene into 2 clips bc it feels unnecessary and only for shock value and drama. in general i don’t like how DARK and DEPRESSING they’re making out this story to be, there really wasn’t any need to see 3 mins of robbe trying to have sex with a girl, he has internalized homophobia WE GET IT. we got it when isak made out with emma in front of his friends and pulled away when she tried to blow him in the bathroom once they were gone; we got it when matteo pulled away from sara and offered to watch a movie together instead or when he flinched when she touched his back and ran out of there. THEY DON’T NEED TO GO THIS HARD for the viewers to get it!!! and blah blah realism blah blah this isn’t what s3 is supposed to be about!!! i can’t stress enough how the message of s3 is HOPE. i’m not lgbt so obviously i’ll never know what it’s like for them, but i’ve had (and have) shit going on in my life and escapism for me is watching something that cheers me up and makes me happy. and maybe i’m wrong, but i think a lot of lgbt people would rather watch something that comforts and gives them hope instead of a rerun of their real life. i know i would. and that’s what was so beautiful about og, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, there was angst and difficult times, but there was always a good balance b/w the angst and the fluff, and even being isak’s safe haven had a lot to do with it. 

i saw someone saying earlier something about how they love what wtfock is doing with robbe’s internalized homophobia bc it’s more realistic/better than even fixing isak’s internalized homophobia, which made me GROAN out loud bc THAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENED. even didn’t FIX anything, isak CLEARLY still suffers from it even AFTER getting together with even (the first time) - e.g. his fear when emma calls him ‘gay’ in the middle of the party; the pride talk with eskild; his nerves before and during his coming out scene to jonas; same with magnus and mahdi and ‘i’m not gay….ok maybe a little bit gay…’; i could go on and on. the point is, even didn’t FIX anything, but he *did* make things EASIER and BETTER and he *did* give him that push he needed in order to start his journey to self acceptance. that’s why their first kiss was such a PIVOTAL MOMENT for isak!!! the water, the 21:21, the REBIRTH SYMBOLISM, isak initiating the kiss….it was isak FINALLY letting himself be his REAL SELF for the FIRST TIME. it was his first real step into accepting himself, and once that happened, despite his internalized homophobia not magically going away, despite all his worries and fears, he never looked back. he didn’t try to fight who he really was anymore and force himself to act straight again. bc meeting even changed his life and gave him HOPE. just like isak’s and even’s story did to so many other people. what wtfock did after robbe’s and sander’s first kiss is the complete opposite. they missed the whole point of the season and i hate it). (also, i have no idea whether or not they’re planning on keeping the mi storyline, but if they are…..ooof, this will make everything up until now even worse).

ANYWAY you didn’t ask for this, i’m sorry! i just had to vent somewhere, so ty for providing me with the opportunity. and ty again for caring about my opinion at all 😊

[prettykissesuglylies]

Before I begin: warning for discussions of abuse, rape culture, rape and just a whole shit ton of my personal issues, including some internalized biphobia.

So I’ve been having a lot of bad thoughts lately and since I don’t want to put this on any of my mains, I’m gonna spell out some of my emotions here and hope it helps me cope.

So... I have been traumatized by fear mongering. I internalized the hell out of the “anyone at any time may rape you and you would be at fault if you did anything but say no and fight back and even if you did that it would probably still be your fault” culture that surrounded rape and rape discussions when I was growing up. “That shirt/skirt/dress will distract the boys. Who knows what it might make them do. Don’t drink at parties or something bad will happen to you.” Yeah, I noticed that if “something happened” it would be my fault for not taking every precaution I possibly could, and that fucked me up. A lot.

I’ve been dealing with internalized bi-phobia because of the “men are dangerous to you” rhetoric they fed me as a child for years. Literal years.

I have been identifying as a lesbian, knowing full well I was not a lesbian (I’m bi), because I was Afraid of being attracted to Men, because if I’m not attracted to men, then obviously if a man assaulted me, that would be rape. Because I’m not attracted to men.

I experience intermittent sex repulsion, mostly towards men, mostly because of this fear of being raped/assaulted. It’s irrational, but you know what else is irrational? Telling a little girl not to be friends with a boy because he might hurt her. Telling a teen girl that not fighting back means you wanted it, so you better fucking fight back. Having cleavage showing means you’re open for business, and anyone can look and if you let them look you’ll tempt them and make them do evil things to you.

People do bad things. It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing or what your orientation is. “Being careful” doesn’t guarantee you’ll never be raped. Telling people that dressing provocatively invites provocation is correcting the wrong behavior.

But I digress. I have all these fucked up feelings about men and I deal with them in exactly two ways.

1) hypersexualizing myself and whatever man I’m into that day.

2) completely rejecting any and all sexual content/context/behaviors for myself.

These have manifested in 2 ways. This blog that is obviously the hyper sexual part, and several other blogs where I don’t take nsfw requests, don’t write nsfw things and don’t reblogs nsfw content are the rejection part.

I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to shake this dichotomy.

I used to chalk it up to being asexual (which I am) and we can’t control what makes us horny, but it’s more than that.

I don’t get turned on by the idea of someone assaulting me. I think I just said how paranoid the very idea has made me about men. I rejected an entire part of myself for years because of this fear of assault. But I write these fucked up situations where men are taking advantage, so what gives?

Well... I’m writing it. Me. I am. I have complete and total control of the scenario. I don’t like it, I stop it. I rewrite. I delete. This portrayal of romanticizing what in real life would be repulsive behavior isn’t romanticisizing. It’s taking back power over my fear. I acknowledge that in real life some of my kinks would be Not Okay and downright Illegal without properly negotiation. But I don’t want this shit in real life. Even if I did, it would be consensual, and well planned out and safe for me and the other person/people. I have struggled for years with self hatred because “If you’re so afraid of rape why are you writing it?”

Because it’s not rape. That character isn’t a real person, that perpetrator isn’t a real person. I have all the control. I have all the power. I am owning something that scares the shit out of me and making it my tool for self expression.

The entirety of opposite-sex sexual interactions have been ruined for me by the fear of being attacked by the opposite sex. I may be romantically interested in men, but without some serious therapy I will never be able to be in a healthy relationship with a man. And I take responsibility for that. I have decided not to date men. I’m still bi. I still occasionally want that sappy romantic life with some random dude who catches my interest, but that relationship would be unhealthy and not gonna lie, possibly abusive on my end. Because I’m self-aware, but I’m not too proud to admit that I fuck up and am occasionally a slave to my emotional brain and say and do things that repeat patterns of abuse that I have experienced. I would like to believe that I know enough to know better than that now. I’m also an intelligent human being and know that I’ll make mistakes.

I don’t feel safe around men who are romantically attracted to me. I never have. I feel actively in danger around men who are sexually attracted to me. I can’t control that. I can control my fiction. I can control these scenarios where I take that attraction that I perceive as dangerous and I make it work to my benefit. Instead of being afraid in this fiction I write an experience that is enjoyment, pleasure, from one of the things I fear most in the world.

And fuck anyone who tells me I shouldn’t be able to write it because it’s “problematic.”

The anti- movement is really grinding my gears as of late, and I keep trying to brush it off because in my little fandom circles “they’re not talking about my ship” and “I’m not the bad one.”

But they’re talking about this. They’re talking about what I do. If I posted ever on this blog, or tagged anything ever on this blog, some of them might have already come for me.

The stuff that makes it onto my blog is the stuff that I want to let out. I set it and forget it. Let it loose and I’m free. My fantasies of sitting in bed with a woman who loves me while we watch some show/marvel movie/other media together? I keep those. I want to keep those. I want to keep remembering them. Because I want that.

When I write and post the shit that would be fucked up if it happened to me irl, that gets it out and leaves room for the good stuff. The stuff I want. The hand holding and the secret sharing and the love.

This blog is pure sex because it has to be. Because I can’t express my fears in any other way. Having control makes all the difference. I make it so you have to actively be looking for nsfw content to see my writing. And you have to ignore all my warnings at the front. Before you can say that you interacted with content you didn’t want to. So this shit about how I’m “endangering the children?” No I’m not. In fact, I take far more care than I should have to to keep my content out of young impressionable minds. Because I have been that young impressionable mind. I know that parents aren’t keeping track of the things their kids do on the internet. And I blame my parents just as much I blame the parents of any random kid that shows up on my blog. It’s not my job to be safe for kids. I’m not safe for kids. I’m a grown ass woman. I have grown ass woman issues and I would never Ever talk about those issues to a kid. But if I’m talking to another adult and a kid comes in an eavesdrops on me when I’m in a space that I have outlined as being not for kids, it is not my fault when that kid hears what I’m saying. I’ll be sorry they did, but it isn’t my fault. “Think of the children” is the same argument religious purists use to push anti-gay rhetoric and all sorts of other fucked ideologies. Think of the children is not an argument. It’s a false equivalency. It is not my job to police the media other people consume. It sure as hell isn’t yours. If you have kids, then yes, you should steer them away from things like my blog. But I don’t. I will never have kids. The very idea repulses me. So stop asking me to be a parent for someone else’s.

I’ve been going on forever, and I don’t care, because it feels good to let this out. It’s been festering for weeks.

I’m taking a stance: I’m antianti, I’m pro ship, ship and let ship, screw fandom policing.

Fiction is my outlet, and you can pry it from my cold dead hands, but you’ll have to kill me first.

[menzosarres]

11 Questions Meme!

@sealcontent and I have been memeing each other since we met and she memed me right back. Six months later I have come to pay my debt; tally ho!

Rules: Answer 11 questions, write 11 of your own, tag 11 people

1. If you could dictate the exact range of temperatures you’d most like to live in for the rest of your life, what would the upper and lower bounds be?

Southern California. Maybe cap off that 120+ range but honestly it didn’t bother me that much. This place is temperaturally perfect. 

2. What is your ideal pair of socks in terms of length, material, color, pattern, etc?

I really really really love my past-the-ankle-not-to-knee ones w the birth of venus on them okay they’re a good length for flashin some classy classic naked ladies w ur cuffs rolled. I,, do not know what they are made of what are socks usually made of they are soft. 

3. Gimme one interesting fact about your paternal grandfather (or the closest relative you know of if that doesn’t work, or about a grandfatherly person u know)

His name is Bob. 

4. When you were a kid, what artificial fruit flavor did you most covet when adults were distributing popsicles/candy?

Orange. Always. 

5. If you could redo any moment from earlier today, which would it be and how so?

Opening an email from the company I just turned down a job offer for where they asked if I’d still be willing to consult for them. I would just. Not open it. I already felt guilty enough saying no to the Job I can’t believe they still want me for Anything and I don’t think the new job I turned them down for will allow me to say yes,,,,,

6. Weirdest word you can think of without using Google in the next 27 seconds GO

Gelatinous and now I wish I hadn’t. 

7. Would you ever bring an Alexa or equivalent into your home?

Siri’s a Pal but that’s as far as the talkin to robots is gonna go in this household. (Though two of roommates have them so I really can’t talk). 

8. Which of the four Aristotalean/Avatar: The Last Airbender elements did you as a kid/do you as an adult most identify with?

Fire kid, earth adult. That’s probably somehow telling. 

9. Your favorite interaction with me to date? ;)

Probably the time I hid under your bed and spooked u like the sucker u are. 

10. What’s an utterly useless talent you have?

I can bend my knee around backwards and tuck my foot under my ribs. Halie why do your versions of these memes usually end up needing some kind of soft tag for body horror. 

11. If you had a Latin name like your own animal species, what would it be?

Well my actual name is Latin for honey bee but I suppose that is not my Own species. Or is it. Are we really sure I am not just made of Bees?

AIGHT TIME TO PROBE THE SQUAD SOME QUESTIONS FOR YOU.

Tagging: @fjodor-e | @bgmoth | @dancewiththepen | @thoughtful-text-posts | @delirious-comfort | @jer9grant | @ashetrashe | @missferguson274 | @savagesnek | @shadydreamerdonut | @sorrynotsorrytho​

Gimme the best and worst anagrams of your name (or url) that you (or an anagram generator) can come up with. 

What’s your preferred Note material? Like, are you an index card-er, a note-pad-er, a sticky-note-purist? Give me details. If you’re a stickier, do you like the ones that peel up all in one direction, the accordion ones, the weird re-stick-ables? 

What’s the most pretentions book you’ve read and actually enjoyed? 

Could you turn the last dream you had into a nightmare just by changing one or two details? 

If you spell your middle name backwards, what does it remind you of? 

If you had the power to instantly teleport to a place, but only one place, what place would you pick? ((Careful! Are you going to accidentally (or intentionally) strand yourself there? How good are you at that google maps game where you walk to the nearest airport, really? Flip side, if you pick home, what happens if you move out? Whose Living Room Is This Now Anyway? Is this even a useful power for you?))

What’s your preferred sleeping weather? 

If you were unexpectedly nominated to run for president as a last-ditch effort to save your country from absolute tyranny, which fandom or other tumblr activity would be the most likely to come back and haunt you? 

Have you ever seen a totally normal object out in the world that has really stuck in your mind? 

In what circumstances would you willingly give up your full name to the fey? 

And lastly, as I always do, Buzzfeed Quiz Style: If You Were An Obnoxious Song Sang On Children’s Playgrounds Everywhere, Which One Would You Be And Why? (Including a link to a youtube clip I will definitely regret clicking because it will be stuck in my head all day is highly recommended. This is Buzzfeed Quiz Style, after all.) 

[bowlegsandbiceps]

Suptober Day 9: Electric

So Let It Out and Let It In

General / Rock Star!Dean & Cellist!Castiel / destiel if you squint / 2,300 words

Read on AO3

Suptober Masterlist (A03)

Dean Winchester, bundled in a ratty hoodie with dark sunglasses and a ball cap, kept his head down as he trailed behind the gaggle of people surrounding his brother. It was as close to a real campus tour as the kid was going to get with Dean tagging along, and Sam, stubborn as always, insisted that Dean accompany him. Not that Dean didn’t want to, he just knew what a liability his presence was.

As they passed what the recruiter called The Oval, Dean could hear his latest single blaring from a portable speaker somewhere on the lawn. A few of the campus guides turned to glance at him, and he pretended not to notice. This was Sam’s day.

Sam craned his neck, looking over his shoulder and grinning, jabbing a subtle finger towards the lawn and tapping an ear. Dean pulled his sunglasses down so the kid could see him roll his eyes then flicked his fingers, bidding him focus. A young blond fell into step next to him.

“Is it still exciting hearing yourself on the radio?”

Dean didn’t look at her. “Never gets old.” Conversations like this, however….

“I’m… I’m sure you get this a lot but I really love you music. When they asked for volunteers to help you tour the campus-”

“My brother,” Dean cut her off, still not looking at her. “My brother is touring the campus. Sam graduated high school with a 4.5 GPA despite never setting foot in a classrom, Idn’t that right Sammy?” Dean kicked his foot out, managing to hit his brother right on the ass.

Sam stumbled and glared over his shoulder at his brother, reaching up a hand to flatten the hair that flopped into his eyes. “It’s Sam. Sammy’s a chubby twelve year old with acne.”

Dean chuckled, but it died in his throat as he felt the girl loop her arm through his casually. “Stanford is a good choice. Close enough to L.A. for frequent visits.”

“Sam hates L.A. I double he’ll be visiting.” Dean slipped his arm free and took a few quick steps to fall in line next to Sam, throwing an arm around his shoulder. “Lotta beautiful women here,” Dean made a point to check out a girl as she ran past, hearing the blond behind him huff.

Sam looked over his shoulder and glared, elbowing Dean in the ribs gently. “You okay?”

“I’m fine, Sam.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Dean, this might interest you..” One of the student ambassadors piped up, and Dean took in a measured breath, trying very hard not to be annoyed. “Bing Concert Hall. Our music department is-”

“Sam’s pre-law,” Dean replied sharply, and the group stopped, looking at each other and then at the ground.

“I like music though,” Sam said after a moment and then chuckled. “Obviously. Can we go in?”

“Sam-“

“Dean, after seeing you play on every stage on the face of the planet I cannot spend four years at a venue with shitty acoustics.”

Dean’s mouth popped open as the rest of the group laughed and moved up the steps chattering about different concerts they’d seen and where they’d seen them. Dean scurried after, catching the massive door before it closed in his face, grumbling to himself as he listened to Sam relay the various places around the world Dean had played and argued the merits of their acoustical properties. The kid couldn’t play an instrument to save his life or carry a tune in a bucket, but he could wax poetic on tonality and sound quality with the best of them.

They were in the lobby, getting the rundown on the types of events held there when something buzzed at the back of Dean’s neck right along his hairline. A tune, barely audible where he stood though he was sure he heard it and found himself wandering towards the sound, pulling off his sunglasses when it became too dark to see.

One door in a set that led into the auditorium was ajar, and Dean slipped through the crack, removing his hood and then his hat to avoid the potential creek of the door. He ran a hand through his hair to tame it, moving to stand at the top of the steps and taking in the vineyard style concert hall. A group of four young cellists was seated on the first riser of the sunken stage as an older man, perhaps a professor, paced languidly in front of them, arm crossed over his chest with the elbow of his other resting against it, a finger to his lips as he listened.

Thanks to his father, Dean grew up on the likes of Zepplin and AC/DC, Eric Clapton and Queen, Black Sabbath, and Bad Company, and that was the type of music he made. Rock and Roll that surged from his fingers through his black Stratocaster, Baby, and out the amplifier at the same time it brewed in his belly and wailed its way past his vocal cords.

But his mother, Dean paused to smile at her memory, fuzzy now after nearly 18 years gone, had been connoisseur, not a purist, and her voice, clear and high as she sang “Hey Jude” until he fell asleep, was still the most beautiful thing he’d ever heard. Standing there, in an overly bright concert hall gave him a strange sense of vertigo as if the present were meeting the past. Listening to that familiar melody being wrung out of the strings made him feel like if he were to turn around right then, he would see her face, smiling and mouthing the words.

Dean wasn’t aware that his feet were carrying him down the stairs as the bridge crescendoed into the coda, and the swell made him feel full to the bursting point. He was also oblivious to the fact that the professor, who had been pacing in front of the quartet, had now stopped, his eyes trained on Dean as his head tipped to the side, curious. Dean felt almost robbed when the coda only went for two rounds, a tear tracking down his cheek as the song came to a close in a bright swell before dying away to silence. He stared unblinking, unaware that the professor held out his hand, bidding his students remain in their seats as he approached the young man.

Dean’s cloudy vision was suddenly filled with blue eyes, the color of a deep ocean, and a brow crinkled in concern, full lips set in a grim line. Dean felt a hand rest on his shoulder, and the instinct to jerk back at a stranger’s touch seemed to have gone missing. Dean was acutely aware of the breath passing in and out of his lungs, the scratchy sound it made, and the wildly out of sync metronome of his heart. On some base level, he understood that he was probably having a panic attack, but something about the gentle rumble of the professor’s voice and the warmth of his hand on his bicep allowed him to hold it together.

“Holy shit that’s Dean Winchester!” The exclamation paired with the break in eye contact as the professor turned to look over his shoulder made Dean jump. The first cellist stared at them in awe.

Dean reached up to wipe his face, swallowing hard, and he was a heartbeat away from turning his heel to run when the professor’s eyes met his again, still impossibly blue and his expression still holding cautious concern.

“Your name is Dean?” The professor asked, his voice like thunder in the distance, and Dean found himself nodding as he blinked, and two more tears tracked down his face, bringing the professor into perfect clarity.

He did jump when the professor brought up a handkerchief and dabbed the wetness away, the gesture so tender despite the matter-of-fact way he’d done it as if it were just what you did when world-famous rock stars crashed your rehearsal blubbering over their dead mothers. Dean tried to take a step back, but the professor followed him.

“I’m Castiel Novak. I teach Cello. Are you a student?” Dean snorted, and Castiel’s eyes narrowed. “Do you know where you are right now?”

“Y-yeah, man.” Dean brought a hand up and pinched the bridge of his nose hard. “Yeah, I’m… shit I’m sorry.”

Castiel’s chuckle was accompanied by a squeeze of his fingers around Dean’s bicep that made Dean almost shiver. “Not a problem. I’m certainly flattered the arrangement induced such a visceral reaction. Are you a musician?”

A chorus of “OH MY GOD PROFESSOR!” “ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME?” And “Of course he has no idea who he is.” sounded behind him, making him frown and crane his neck as Dean let out a sharp snort of laughter that he had to cover his mouth to deaden. The professor turned to look at him again, and Dean allowed his face to settle into the thousand-yard smolder he deployed for interviews and album covers. Castiel merely blinked.

“Dean?”

Dean turned at the sound of his brother’s voice wafting from the top of the steps, and Sam was trotting down at a quick clip, face set in a frown as he jerked Dean out of the professors grasp.

“Can we help you?” Sam nearly snarled, and Castiel’s eyebrows raised, his arms crossing over his chest as he stretched himself to his full height though Sam was still a good five inches taller. When his eyes narrowed, turning from flat calm to a budding tempest, however, Dean saw Sam swallow hard.

“Since you came barging in to my rehearsal I feel that I should be directing that question at you?”

“We’re sorry,” Dean said, immediately grabbing Sam’s arm as Sam craned his neck to look at the cellists who were all filming the exchange and asked, “What rehearsal?” At the exact same time.”

“Sam we’re gonna be late for your meeting with the Law School we should go.” Dean tried to tug Sam away, but his moose of a brother wouldn’t budge.

“You’re law students?” Castiel asked, and another groan sounded behind him, making him jump. Sam looked absolutely delighted.

“I’m a prospective student and this is my brother.” Sam wrestled Dean under his arm and forced him to face the professor again, his eyes rolling as he shifted from foot to foot. “He’s a musician.”

Castiel’s eyebrows raised. “What instrument.”

“Oh god I can’t take it.” A student stood, handing their instrument to the person next to them to balance while they stepped over, tapping away on their phone. “Here. This is him.”

Dean cringed as the new single, tinny and shallow, emitted from the phone speakers while the cinegraph of him looking to the side then straight into the camera to give a slow blink before his lips parted in a hitched breath began to loop. Castiel stared down at the phone for several bars before his eyes flicked to Dean’s face and then down again to watch the cinegraph loop a few more times. He cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry, I don’t listen to a lot of popular music. Forgive me.”

Dean waved a hand, feeling a smile tug at his lips. “Don’t worry about it man you’ve got what matters.” Dean nodded at the cellists, who was beaming at him. “The Beatles trump me every time.”

“Well I am rather fond of ‘Hey Jude’” Castiel gave Dean a small smile, and Dean felt like he was witnessing something rare and beautiful.

“Wait…” Sam held out a hand, keeping Castiel in his peripheral as he turned to look at Dean. “Hey Jude Hey Jude? Like Mom used to sing?”

Dean felt his cheeks grow hot and knew he must be red as a tomato right about then, exacerbated by the penetrating look Castiel was giving him. Dean reached up to scratch his ear as he looked at the ground and nodded. He felt Sam shift excitedly next to him.

“Can I hear it?”

“Sam!” Dean said sharply, and Castiel’s head tipped to the side in confusion as Sam sighed.

“Come on, Dean! Clearly it was good or you wouldn’t look like you swallowed a slug.” Sam looked to Castiel and offered his hand. “Sam Winchester, pre-law. Don’t mind him he’s emotionally constipated.”

“Fuck you, Sam.” Dean whacked him hard upside the head, and Sam lanced him with his most potent bitchface.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to hear it.” Sam looked from Castiel to the cellists who were already putting their phones away and settling in their seats. “Our mother, she-”

“He don’t wanna hear my tragic origin story, Sammy,” Dean muttered out the side of his mouth.

“-passed when I was one and Dean was four.”

Dean was still amazed that Sam could rattle that off without so much as a stutter. Then again, Sam hadn’t gotten a chance to know their mother. She’d never held him after a nightmare or made him chicken and rice soup when he was sick. Dean had been the one to do all those things for him. Just as Dean had been the one to sing him “Hey Jude” every night before he went to sleep when Sam was little.

“Is that alright with you, Dean?”

Castiel’s voice interrupted his brooding, and Dean found himself once again a little starry-eyed under that stare. Dean rubbed a hand over his mouth, hoping it hid his blush. “Uh, yeah fine with me.”

Castiel eyed him skeptically, and Dean felt as if he were being x-rayed, every thought and emotion laid bare under the older man’s concerned gaze. Dean didn’t even jump when Castiel’s hand closed around his wrist, giving it a light squeeze before he turned to the quartet.

“Okay, from the top, please.”

[shadowsong26x]

How do you stay motivated to finish w hat you’ve started? What is your planning process? Did you ever delete a work of yours?

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

...I...honestly don’t know? It depends on the project, in a lot of ways. Big bangs and exchanges and similar events (with hard external deadlines) tend to help with that? With Precipice (which I know I haven’t updated in six months, it’s coming, I promise XD), it’s that the world and its story feel super comfortable to me, and I’m not even halfway through all the plot I have planned out??? Which, on the one hand, is intimidating (and why I’m splitting off into a second/sequel fic after this arc finishes up), but on the other hand...there’s so much story here I still want to tell.

13. What is your planning process?

Lol planning process.

Uh, I sort of spitball ideas/concepts, RP with myself in my head, talk to my ever-patient roommates as sounding boards sometimes...I don’t outline or anything. I mean, I have a general idea of where things are going/which plot points need to occur (like, in the gardener vs. architect example, I know that I want to plant carrots over there and I’m gonna need some potatoes too, etc.) But, I mean, that still leaves a lot of the garden I need to fill in, right? Especially in stories where I have a huge cast.

Examples follow, beware of spoilers.

So, like...for Precipice, when I start an arc, I generally have a few Key Scenes that need to happen. For the current arc (Milestones), those were: Anakin’s duel with Infernalis, the Jedha stuff and Leia’s vision, and a scene that will actually be in either the next chapter or the one after that. ...and the bit with Rex, but that was added much later. Which is why this chapter’s been fairly light on the Coruscant/Senate side of things, and also Ahsoka hasn’t had much to do, because I didn’t really plan for them and then the other plotlines sort of...started spiraling??

For The Devoted, I knew more or less the beats I needed to hit for the whole fic--Obi-Wan and Padme meeting Anakin and Ahsoka; the two of them deciding to stay; at least one starter mission; Obi-Wan and Padme Cannot Ethically Seduce Anakin; a few bonding scenes; the final sequence.

For for we are a woven thread; find the strand, it was sort of a similar process to The Devoted. I had a general idea of what I needed to do, and what order things needed to happen in, but...like...the entire Obi-Wan plot thread in part three came together at the last minute because I had no idea what to do with him other than it would be another Adventure and probably tie into the very faint “we’re not actually alone in this” underlying all three plot threads (or possibly that was a thing I realized I did after the fact but I like to pretend I planned it that way XD)

In contrast, for a couple of upcoming/in-progress things...our faces like a mirror has a lot of blank space I need to fill in, but I still kind of know what beats I need to fit (both for Bo-Katan’s adventures during the civil war, and the gradual breakdown of her relationship with Satine over the next several years). Dragonshifters still has no plot, but a bunch of Concept notes and a few little scenes, but it’ll shape up to something during the Clone War.

I also have a couple upcoming AtLA projects--an AU outline that I’ve more or less worked out everything except how the arc ends; an Avatar Zuko AU that I’ve worked out more or less how things go up until Aang turns up; a long thing about Lu Ten and an OC of mine where I have...a lot of white space to fill in about their relationship, and then figuring out what she does when she gets her memories back...

This is why I RP with myself/noodle around a lot. Eventually, I’ll fill those pieces in XD

36. Did you ever delete a work of yours?

Yep, but not for a long time. Back when I was in the LotR fandom a million years ago, I got a comment from a canon purist that kind of hit hard. To be fair, I may not have tagged/etc. properly that it was AU, I also had not read the Silmarillion or any of the other fleshing-out things, and I was fairly young/new to this. It might not have been that big a deal for me now that I have a thicker skin, but at the time, it was enough to make me take the fic in question down and stop writing in that fandom.

Everything else is still out there somewhere, maybe on FFN or LJ. A couple things I cowrote are on my former coauthor’s journal on an LJ clone that is not LJ. Some of it is embarrassing/I wouldn’t share with anyone now, some of it I would, some of it I’ve forgotten where it is...but it’s all out there if you really want to find it.

Ask me fanfic writer questions!

[c-valentino]

What do you think of Riko as a character inside the books? (no HCs) / Any fave HCs you want to share? / Any pairings/ships you like with him? / fic recs? / art recs? / Kevin&Riko - do they have/had feelings for each other? / Thoughts on his finale scene? / Did you read Nora's extra content? // tag other bloggers you think have something interesting to say about him! (maybe someone we don't know yet??) #Thoughts on Riko Moriyama

What do you think of Riko as a character inside the books? (no HCs) From a writer’s point of view? He’s a fucking tragedy. (and no, I don’t mean the pieces of background story we did get on him, that’s been said and discussed before) He’s kind of the worst villain a story can have - and here is why: 

Riko is ‘one’ of the book’s antagonists, and to quote my German lit. teacher: “Antagonists act while heroes react.” - meaning it is often a villain who initiates any kind of dramatic change in a story. That said, why is Riko Moriyama a bad example of a villain? A good villain needs a plausible background story. The reader needs to actually understand what happened to the character in order to make him into what he is today. A good villain started out as an ‘ordinary’ person, same as a hero. Both undergo a series of events to turn them into what they are. If not enough depth and character development is put into a story the character becomes lifeless, doesn’t spark any kind of interest within the reader and (in this case) the villain becomes a ‘plot device’ - meaning someone who does evil things to create scenes that show more light on the main character and his reactions. (Neil has to suffer through some pretty over the top and kinda unexplained abuse from Riko in order to add to the tragedy and heroic survival in his character’s development). [unexplained meaning: Riko could just have done a million other things to him - it wouldn’t make much of a difference. As long as it fits the excessive violent behavior category it would have worked plot wise. There is no explanation why he is using knives (other than that it fits the whole scar theme of the books (Kevin, Andrew, Neil, Jean… all of them have scars)) … ] Or, to be very harsh here and I know it’s not quite THAT bad, think of those silly cartoons, Road Runner and Coyote - you know the coyote will do any kinds of destructive things, you don’t know why, it’s just his role, he’s a plot device. 

Of course there are ways to create a great villain without spending many pages on his background story. Take Makishima Shogo e.g. (PsychoPass season one), we know next to nothing about his background, yet he is one of my favorite antagonists. His character feels real because there are enough little aspects about him that add depth: he likes to read books (physical copies because ebooks lack character), he likes to quote from those books to drive his point home, he likes to dip his sweets into tea… - non of that makes him better/worse at changing/destroying society, but it gives us an idea of who the man behind that criminal mastermind is. 

Sadly, we only get the smallest glimpses of Riko. Overall his name is being mentioned 595 times in the trilogy, but we encounter him only a few times. Most of his actions happen behind the scenes. He’s also the best kind of HC goldmine you can find. Wasted potential makes for great fan content because there is so much left to explore (no matter if the author had to cut all the information out or cba to come up with anything to begin with. The fields of imagination are endless my friends!) Or, as Nora explained: “I wanted a stronger antagonist, so I kept giving him more power–and then I tore a chunk of it away in the final draft out of necessity. He had more presence in the second-to-last draft, just as Neil’s father did, but I had to delete entire chunks to balance the story out…” Basically all the information we have on Riko comes from Nora’s extra content (his whole backstory is in there). If you read it his character starts to make sense, becomes interesting and worth exploring. But it is what it is. You can’t really blame the readers for hating Riko Moriyama when they pick up the books for the first time. He is a shadow of a character in there. And let’s be honest, the extra content “doesn’t count” in many reader’s opinion. If it’s not in the books it didn’t happen! (true to some degree, but I’m not a purist. I research and dig for those extra pieces of information. I’d rather have four books with all the information on the side characters in there, I don’t need a sequel.)  So, conclusion: If you hate Riko Moriyama, consider reading Nora’s extra content and give him another shot. He is quite interesting.

Any fave HCs you want to share?oh geez…. endless supply of those • Young Riko wide-eyed on his first trip outside of the Nest (supervised &!! unsupervised) like… the things he wants to see/eat/try/buy, (with Kevin by his side/the whole team/on his own/some Moriyama bodyguard), him buying ice cream (wow that’s sweet), fast food (not rly his thing, too greasy), clothes (ripped jeans, t-shirts, that amazing black coat he sees on his way back, a hat - because all he has are workout clothes, Exy gear and suits)• Riko doing promo/commercial stuff for the Ravens, playing nice for the staff on set, but wishing some of them a very painful death because they are so fake… (kinda used that one before) • Riko doing drugs/alcohol for the first time (can’t hold his liquor even though Kevin seems to have no problems in that department, and oh, it pisses him off - gets a huge backlash from his uncle afterwards for being an embarrassment to the family name) (drugs are something he can’t really get to terms with. He likes the feeling they give him (at least some of them) but he absolutely hates the aftermath, remembering how they made him open up, bringing him close to losing control…(ravens are against doping btw) • Endless scenes of Riko/Kevin making out… Young Kevin getting curious at some point and the only one around for him to ask is Riko, Riko being so angry that something has to give and sadly that’s Kevin, both of them being hyped after their first official game(win) and making out on Kevin’s bed, both of them getting drunk at the victory celebration and Riko dragging Kevin off to somewhere that’s dangerously public and oh, Kevin, be quiet dammit… 

•Kevin is like an octopus while being asleep and Riko can’t stand it, it’s too warm, too sweaty, too heavy, too close…. - that’s why they make out on Kevin’s bed and he leaves afterwards. But there are times he wishes he could just go over there while Kevin is asleep. He does one night, when Kevin has been drinking with the older ravens… he has covered his ass and Kevin is gonna pay for it later… gets into bed behind Kevin and prays he won’t wake up…• Riko not admitting that there is more than Exy in his head sometimes… he likes psychology, astronomy, he’s good at math too and maybe physics would be interesting if the teacher wouldn’t be such a boring moron who takes ages to come to the point… but he can’t tell anyone because all he’s meant to be is the heir of Exy, and rly, what’s the point anyway? Chances are he won’t survive the end of his Exy career… • He likes music and some company gave them these awesome noise cancelling headphones. He likes them but only uses them when he is alone because he needs to hear the people around him…  • He’s an awesome dancer with remarkable body control, and so is Kevin, as they both find out on their first (and last) night at a club…

Any pairings/ships you like with him? Both Riko/Kevin & Kevin/Riko work just fine for me. I’ve written (Raven!)Neil/Riko/Kevin before, and if you put some work and thought into a well crafted AU setting even Riko/(raven!)Andrew works. - If it has to be straight… my best bet would be Allison - she has enough of an attitude to stand her ground.

fic recs?let me give you a few but it rly deserves a full list at some pointwhat if i did by MadHatterNO7 - Kevin/RikoNever More by biffes - Kevin/Riko Kevin/Riko/Jeanignominy by Saul - Kandreil but I still like Riko in this one… baptism by Saul can’t go wrong with Saul aka @unkinglythose are only the ones I can name on the spot…

art recs? Well, there is @shihoran , of course, she’s been posting daily. hers is maybe the sweetest Riko I’ve ever seen (nothing like I imagine him but gorgeous art!) I know @foxesrefuge is working on some stuff (since I’ve seen a glimpse of it! ha! no spoilers though) http://berry-muffin.tumblr.com/post/154991766150/insp-and-a-bonus-because-fuck-riko-moriyama    http://llstarcasterll.tumblr.com/post/157091722582 http://schwarzbrot.tumblr.com/image/138611768689 http://ziegenkind.tumblr.com/post/147315366365/here-you-go-nonnyand…. srsly, we need more Riko art!

Kevin&Riko - do they have/had feelings for each other? According to Nora’s extra content ‘yes’ they had feelings for each other. And I’m not talking the platonic kind of feelings. We’re talking the conflicted ‘adoptive’ brother/romance kind of stuff. Inside the books? Yes, I believe they have a nice textbook example of love/hate relationship to the very end. Riko can’t get over Kevin, even keeps his room untouched (as Neil tells us) and I could write you another two pages about that first interview scene. You can’t just ‘hate’ someone for no reason. Hate is a very personal feeling and it needs some kind of obsession behind it. Kevin tells us that he knows how it is to be with Riko. He also tells us that Riko wasn’t always like the way he is now. He’s gotten worse. You hear the Foxes call Riko a bastard, crazy… yet Kevin usually doesn’t outright insult Riko. Does he love him after what Riko has done to him? Probably not! Did he get rid of all his feelings from the time they grew up and learned to love Exy together? Unlikely.  

Thoughts on his finale scene? ¬_¬ you had to… I don’t like it. But that’s my personal (emotionally clouded) opinion. It works as a scene because it is fast paced and written in an almost detached way - like such an experience would be, I imagine. Hard to take in, slow to process, very overwhelming, scattered, scrambled brains and all. The scene itself makes me nearly choke on the tension and displayed/withheld emotions.

Did you read Nora’s extra content? Oh yes! Such an inspiration. I’d love to get my hands on some of the earlier drafts… *cough*moreKandreil/moreRiko*cough*

// tag other bloggers you think have something interesting to say about him! (maybe someone we don’t know yet??) #Thoughts on Riko Moriyama - Already did! :D