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malfoys-demigod · 4 years

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Boy-Magnet - Draco Malfoy x Reader

Prompt: “Don’t you think that’s a little extreme?”, “Thank you, it means a lot to me.”

Summary: Being the opposite of a chick-magnet, you attracted many single boys who always tried hitting on you or asking you on a date. These boys all had the wrong intentions, especially Cormac McLaggen who had to be the biggest problem of them all. Draco couldn’t stand seeing his friend/secret crush go through this all. Little did you know, he would give his last fend off, showing that he would be there for you at all times now.

Word count: 3.6k

Tagging @the--queen-of-hell

A/N: Ah!! It’s a bit scratchy but this oneshot should do it! Enjoy!

-- “Hey Y/N, you free this weekend?” asked a passerby whose friends started chuckling as they walked past you in the corridors.

“Nope,” you irritatingly answered and rolled your eyes as you were waiting for your friend Daphne to leave the classroom she just had classes in.

You checked the time from your antique chain watch, looking at how classes should have ended five minutes ago for Daphne. But then again, she was having Professor Binns’ History of Magic so he would have gone overtime without knowing.

“Silly old ghost,” you muttered to yourself as you placed the watch back into your sling bag. You were lucky you didn’t have to fill another class like Binn’s into your schedule unlike Daphne who was advised to take History of Magic if she wanted to become a professor.

“I can agree with you,” came the voice who replied to you. Looking up, you saw Cormac McLaggen walking towards you slowly with his hands in his robe pockets, smirking at you. “Too bad I still have him this year,” his hand pressed the wall, making his body closely face yours.

“How unfortunate,” you tried sounding as lively as possible.

The obnoxious boy let out a laugh, thinking you were interested in the conversation he started, pulled up his History of Magic book and waved it in front of you. “I was thinking,” he said looking at the book, “If you could tut-”

Daphne Greengrass was the first one to have forcefully brushed the doors of the classroom you were standing by open, storming out with a sigh of relief as she saw your figure waiting by.

“Merlin’s beard!,” she boomed, “Thank you so much for waiting, Y/N.” She looked tired as if she slept through the whole class time but seeing that she drew on her arms with her quill meant that she was wide awake, bored out of her mind as she did not want to write useful information from the class.

When she looked at the person who was closely in front of you, she knew what she had to do as she pulled you by the arm and said, “We have to go! Uh,” she looked down, left and right, thinking of a quick excuse, “The boys want to meet us!” She looked at Cormac who seemed uncomfortable hearing that there were boys who were more valued than his time. “Beat it, McLaggen.” she said as she dragged you away from the scene, going wherever was the farthest from him.

“The boys, huh? Very specific of you, Daph,” you laughed. Turning left and then turning right, the two of you had entered the Great Hall, the nearest place with the most people to use as a way to hide from ill men like Cormac.

“Right,” she exhaled from running so quickly. “We’re okay here?”

“I suppose,” you shrugged, “I actually would love a snack anyways.”

The two had gone to the ends of the Slytherin table which was the edge facing the professors’ table when they usually had their meals. While you were placing your bag by your side, Daphne had already asked for pumpkin juice and sandwiches from the elves.

When she was finished ordering, she looked at you with concerned eyes as she placed a hand on your shoulder. “Sorry class took long. I bet if Binns was aware of the time, you wouldn’t have encountered that slimy boy.”

“It’s alright, Daphne. I just hate how there are still so many ill-minded boys in this school who think they can just claim me as their own. I wish I wasn’t some magnet to them,” you sighed, laughing.

Daphne nudged your shoulder, shaking her head from left to right. “Don’t ever say that! You’re lucky boys go after a beautiful girl like you, but sadly they go after you in the wrong way. You just need to learn how to defend yourself without anyone helping you.”

“True, but I suppose having a boyfriend would be nice too,” you joked. Daphne rolled her eyes in a joking manner as she drank from her pumpkin juice.

“Sign me up too, Y/N,” she sighed, “Oh Merlin, why can’t you help me out!,” Daphne looked up to the ceiling, pretending to pray for a miracle.

While you were laughing your arse off, footsteps belonging to a group were walking towards your end of the table. You only noticed when a body slid into the table, sitting beside you.

“Gone nuts haven’t we, Greengrass?,” said the voice.

Daphne and you turned to the right, looking at Draco and his gang who had just arrived with a grand meal through the magic of the elves.

Your friend nodded, taking in another sip of her pumpkin juice. “Crazy times we live in, Malfoy.”

Draco gave a small nod in return, then looked at you, giving you a friendly warm smile. As he smiled from his mouth, it was also as if his gray eyes were smiling as well.

“Afternoon, Y/N,” he politely greeted you, “I would have assumed by your childish laugh that you had gone nuts as well, but then again, I can’t picture you going nuts, especially over someone trying to ask Merlin helplessly.”

The whining ‘Hey, I’m right here!’ from Daphne was ignored and spaced out as you were in the zone with Draco’s conversation.

You smiled as a result of hearing the smooth comment the platinum blonde had given you. Stroking a loose hair strand behind your ear, you shyly looked down.

“Well, Draco. I’m full of surprises. I could go nuts any minute by now.,” you replied, looking back up as if your confidence had just brought you back alive.

“Not on my watch, Y/L/N. Besides, what could possibly drive you nuts? You’re one of the most calm people around school. You don’t have annoying people such as saint Potter on your shoulder everyday.”

Scoffing, you shook your head, denying the things he had just said. That was by far the most untrue statement anyone had ever told you. Your whole life constantly revolved around people trying to hook up with you and trying to fend off those same people.

“Have you ever seen the countless mindless boys who try asking me on a date?,” you laughed. “It’s not fun to decline their offers.”

Draco’s face had hardened as he knew what you were talking about. The way he commented how he assumed you didn’t have people on your backs to fend off was all bluffs. He had seen the evil minded boys who had tried to get physically close to you, and he even heard many betting which one would claim you as theirs that he even threatened to hex most of them whenever you weren’t around.

“Why would you decline them? Surely you’d want to go on a date with someone.”

You tilted your head, “Yes, I would but most of these boys don’t have the right intentions. I can somehow feel it.”

Draco nodded, understanding what you meant. He took a lowkey angry bite off his sandwich, visualizing the many boys he would often overhear by the corridors.

“I can assure you that there’s only a few boys with the right mindset,” he stood up, causing his group to stand up as well. He looked at you with careful eyes, “You take care, Y/N. See you back at the common room. Excuse us.”

You waved goodbye, smiling pleasantly at Draco as he turned around, leading his group out of the Great Hall. Daphne could see the way you smiled at Draco, treating him differently from the rest of the other boys in school. She nudged you in the shoulder again, making you finally turn back to her with a dazed look.

“I know Malfoy’s.. Well Malfoy, but he’s quite nicer than the rest of the boys in school towards you.” she detected.

“He seems like it.” you agreed.

Potions class with the Slytherins was a joined class with the Gryffindors. This was one of the many classes that you had with other houses and one of the few that was shared with the Gryffindors. Today was promised by Professor Snape to be an interactive class.

So aside from the usual potion experiments, Snape informed everyone that today’s experiments would be done in the way wherein he would pick pre-made pairs from his list to do the experiment together.

While you were hoping to be paired with Daphne or anyone that was willing to let aside the ill-minded questions on their minds to focus on the experiment with you, Draco was hoping to be paired with you.

Being a table behind you, he didn’t have to look back at you and pray that he was going to be paired with you. He had the chance to look in front of him and watch your reaction when you finally get picked to be with him.

To kill the suspension throughout the whole classroom, Snape grabbed the list on his desk and stood in front of the class.

“Greengrass and Zabini.”

Draco watched as Daphne, your seatmate, pouted and waved goodbye as she moved out of her seat to be with Blaise. He felt like Merlin was in his side as the chances of being paired with you only grew higher.

“Potter and Granger.”

Draco rolled his eyes and wanted to throw his head back. ‘Nobody gives a damn!’ he impatiently said to himself.

“Y/L/N and McLaggen.”

Draco’s heart felt like stopping as he heard a name that was not his be paired with you. He looked at McLaggen who smirked to himself as he started moving his way to your table.

“Malfoy and Weasley.”

“Oh, come on!” Ron complained, only for Snape to smack him in the head with his list. Draco was too discontented to see Cormac take the spot he was yearning for that he didn’t even have the emotion to bark at Ron for being his partner.

Throughout the entire experiment, Draco’s eyes were on the table in front of him. As every second passed, he kept praying that Cormac would somehow get poisoned from inhaling whatever ingredients he could have misplaced, making him run to the Hospital Wing so he could stop looking at you with such puppy eyes.

Despite being the best potion student of the class, Draco was really off his game. He couldn’t stop paying attention to you that he would single-handedly make little mistakes throughout the whole experiment that Ron started getting annoyed by. Even if Ron wasn’t one of the best potions students, he had to fix the mistakes Draco kept filling in with.

“Bloody hell, Malfoy. I thought you were the top of our class!” Ron complained as he picked up the ingredients Draco had dropped, assuming that he placed it in the pot. “Why are you so lousy all of a sudden?”

Draco definitely did not hear a single word Ron had said as his eyes and ears were on you and McLaggen. He was listening to how you were trying your best to be patient with Cormac. He was a mess just like Draco, only to find out that he was always a mess in potions. He wasn’t as keen and smart as Draco in this class - he was far from that. He couldn’t tell which ingredient was which, which made you wonder how he’s been getting by with potions class.

“Why don’t I do the experiment for us?” you irritatingly suggested. “You can still experience the experiment by observing.”

“I’m terribly sorry, Y/N,” Cormac playfully pouted, “I’m such a mess when it comes to these things.”

Draco rolled his eyes, muttering to himself that Cormac was indeed a terrible mess in general. He then watched Cormac rest his head on the palms of his hand as he watched you continue with the experiment like a hopelessly in-love puppy. Draco wanted to smack the head of Cormac for being such an annoying person, not doing his job, and looking at you in the way he wanted to look at you.

“You know, Y/N,” Cormac said, “You’re really good at potions. I bet you do all sorts of talents with your hands.”

Draco narrowed his eyes in anger, holding the table with such grip as he was trying to compose himself from breaking out and hexing the life out of Cormac. How dare him have the audacity to say such a thing to you! Where were his manners? This was an outrage! Draco couldn’t take it anymore. He looked at you, heavily focused on the experiment that you did not hear the last thing Cormac said.

“Uh-huh.” was all you said.

“Do you think you could perhaps tutor me in potions?” Cormac asked, “I know a secluded spot for the two of us in the library.” He wriggled his eyes, expecting that you were going to turn to him and accept the offer gladly.

“No thanks, McLaggen.” you nonchalantly declined the offer as you were still focused on brewing the experiment. “Pass me the whisk, will you?”

As Cormac passed the whisk, there was a lingering touch from his hand as he tried feeling the smoothness of your hand for a little longer. You turned to look at a grinning McLaggen as you aggressively took the whisk away from him, removing his touch from you with a disgusted look.

“You’re welcome.” Cormac sounded as if he depended on the thanks he was waiting for. You just gave him a scoff as you didn’t even bother looking back at him.

Draco was furious from the inside. He asked himself, ‘How could Merlin bring such a badly behaved and disgusting person like Cormac McLaggen into this world?’ As he angrily chopped more ingredients, he couldn’t stand witnessing monstrosities like this. Then again, there were many boys that probably tried courting you without him there, so the unknown number of attempts that he wasn’t there to fend off made him grow more furious than he already was.

After class, you made your way to the one place where you could easily gather your thoughts.

The Black Lake.

If Draco Malfoy claimed the Astronomy Tower as ‘his place’, then the Black Lake was yours. You didn’t have to travel a flight of stairs to gather your thoughts. It only took you a good walk away from the castle to make it to the famous lake.

The Black Lake was the place where you could distress yourself from the immense workload your classes would give you. It was the place where you could talk to yourself, vent and rant to yourself about the things that bother you. It was the place you could be at for hours.

There were barely people who normally hung around the lake as they were scared of Merpeople dragging them into the water. It was nonsense. Of course there were merpeople but people had to understand that they lived in the bottom of the lake. Why would they swim to the top-most part of the lake and attempt dragging people down with them?

When you finally arrived at your favorite place, you rested your back on one of the massive rocks by the trees to get a perfect view of the lake. You opened up your Defense Against the Dark Arts book, attempting to learn more things in advance. This class may have not been your strongest class, but it wasn’t the weakest class either. But either way, you wanted to do some advance reading since you did not have anything else to do for the day.

“Now,” you said, turning to the next page, “Which spell should I learn today?” Your eyes were looking through familiar spells that you either have tried out before or did not interest you. You flipped to more pages, searching for more interesting spells but you ran out of luck. The ones you wanted would have caused mass destruction in a place such as the Black Lake. Also, extreme spells were not allowed to be practiced alone.

Feeling defeated, you closed your Defense Against the Dark Arts Book and sighed, placing it back on your bag. “I suppose watching the Lake for awhile would suffice,” you said to yourself as you hugged your knees, watching the body of water that the lake had embodied.

“Perhaps I could be of use for entertainment.” said a voice that had come out of nowhere.

Surprised by the voice, you had looked left and right to see where the voice might have come from. But there was nobody. Suddenly, hands covered your eyes, blocking your sight and turning everything you saw into darkness.

“Guess who.” said the same voice that had now whispered into your ear. The thrills that ran along your spine could only mean one thing. Cormac McLaggen. You furiously grabbed a hold of his hands and shoved it away from your eyes as you stood up, turning around to push the playful Gryffindor.

“What the hell, McLaggen!” you screamed, walking a few steps backwards.

Cormac cheekily smiled, walking a few steps towards you. “Come on, sweetcheeks. I know you’re just trying to play hard to get with silly old me.”

Your eyebrows narrowed in anger as you have heard the most ridiculous thing from his mouth. “You’re out of your mind. I despise boys like you who think they can just come up to me and act all playful with me. Why can’t you bark up another tree for once?!”

Cormac pulled you and forcefully pressed you against the nearest tree. He stroked your cheek with his left hand while his right hand was carefully holding you tightly in your waist. He leaned into your ear, whispering, “Because,” he said, “you are-”

“STUPEFY!” casted a voice.

Cormac’s body had flown off of you and into the ground, ten meters away from you. You exhaled in relief and saw that it was Draco Malfoy who had casted the spell. When he saw that Cormac was unconscious for a second, his eyes went to you. He ran towards you, placing his hands on your shoulder, looking up and down to see if you were hurt. “Are you okay, Y/N? Dammit, if only I had gotten here faster. Merlin’s beard I swear, I already threatened that asshole twice today. If he-”

“MALFOY” Cormac yelled as the Gryffindor tried properly standing on his own.

Draco saw that McLaggen was almost on his feet. To stall things, he had quickly casted a “Glisseo”, resulting in Cormac to slip and fall on his own bottom as the spell caused him to flatten steps into a slide. Once Cormac fell once again, Draco looked at you with concerned eyes, “My dear, are you sure you’re okay?”

“I am now that you’re here.” you honestly told him. “He just happened to get in the way, honestly.”

“Right, well, it’s time I show you what I've been trying to do ever since vile gits like him have been trying to get on you.” Draco said, looking now at Cormac. “Oy!”

Cormac stood up, looking at Draco with sore eyes.

“Yeah, you great ugly brute! Come at me, Gryffindork!” Draco confidently opened himself.

McLaggen infuriatingly started dashing towards Draco as if he was a bull that saw Draco holding up a red flag. Before he could jump and tackle Draco onto the ground, Draco did the opposite of lowering his wand and casting, “Wingardium Leviosa!” on Cormac, who began levitating off the ground.

Your mouth opened with excitement as Cormac demanded that he be let down immediately. Draco’s wand then pointed at the Black Lake which dragged Cormac’s body above the cold-icy lake. When Cormac had realized where he was being placed, there was fear in his eyes as he started whimpering, apologizing and crying.

“Shall we drench him?” Draco shouted, pretending he was the ringleader of a carnival.

“No, no, please don’t!” Cormac begged.

“I think we should!” Draco sounded happy. “And into the water you go!” With that, Draco pointed his wand to the water, bringing Cormac in for a sweet drench. Then Draco abruptly brought him back on air, only for him to place him back on the water. The action of bringing Cormac back down and back up was done continuously for a good five minutes as Draco was amused and entertained by what he was seeing.

It was funny at first to watch, but five minutes was enough for you. You started to feel bad for Cormac even if he was an awful person to you.

“Draco?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Don’t you think that’s a little extreme?”

Draco scoffed and laughed. “Don’t you think he deserves extreme consequences?”

“True, but I think that should be enough.”

“In a minute, I’m nearly satisfied with my doings.”

Seeing that Draco was focused on the punishment he was giving Cormac, you thought of one way that could possibly prevent him from continuing his doings. You walked closer to him, slowly enveloping him with a soft hug.

Being unfamiliar with such actions from someone like you, Draco without delay, had lowered his wand, resulting in dropping Cormac into the water, possibly sinking him into the depths of the lake as the water that day was extremely cold.

The platinum blonde had surprisingly hugged you back even softer than expected as he brushed the strokes of your hair. He placed his chin on your head as he closed his eyes, taking in the fact that the two of you were hugging each other.

“Thank you, it means a lot to me.” you said.

“I promise you, Y/N, that I will always be there for you. Whether it be fending off jokes like McLaggen or comforting you in any possible way, I assure you, I will be there for you. I won’t let you off my sight.”

“That’s good,” you smiled, “I’m going to do the same thing for you.”

#Draco Malfoy x Reader #Harry Potter #Harry Potter x Reader #george weasley x reader #fred weasley x reader

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sohin-ace · 4 years

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Joseph - Hug

That fic is a year old, I never wanted to post it. You can see my old writing style, how nostalgic.

Hugs. Everybody loves them. You didn't know what brought you to become such an affectionate little dork, but you just ended up being one.

Whether it was friends or family, or sometimes even mere acquaintances, when you hit if off really well and felt at ease with someone, you became fairly touchy-feely.

Most of the time it didn't bother people around you. If they weren't comfortable with your affection, you would just stop without taking offense. Thankfully you didn't have much trouble with it. You just loved hugs and embraces and you felt like everyone needed some warmth every once in a while.

You had known Ceasar for the longest time and you both hugged each other on a regular basis, mostly for greetings, but also for any occasions, really. There wasn't any reasons needed for it, this man was affectionate as well and was always up for a nice, sweet hold.

You have known each other for years and he practically saw you as a little sister. You really loved and respected the blond with all your heart, and your relationship was strong and pure.

When he introduced you to Joseph Joestar for the first time, he was a bit hesitant, scared even, of how that scoundrel would treat his cute, little innocent Y/N. Ceasar only told you to be especially careful around him for now without really explaining why.

But as time passed, you grew to become very attached to the Joestar too. It was nothing close to the bond you had with Ceasar, for sure, but there still was a little something going on between you two that you couldn't quite put your finger on.

Joseph made you feel many types of way, but especially nervous. For some reason you felt particularly shy around him, which was unusual for you, as you were a pretty open and sociable person.

You never had any sort of trouble getting along with people, but Joseph just somehow knew how to make you stutter and choke on your own words. Not that he was unkind or intimidating to you, no, it was much more different than that.

Yes, you were painfully in love with Joseph Joestar. But honestly, who could blame you for crushing on the guy?

He was tall, handsome, charming, insanely funny and despite his dumb demeanor, he actually was quite clever. His voice was music to your ears, and his eyes... You couldn't stop dreaming about his eyes.

The tropical ocean in his eyes made you travel so far nobody could ever bring you out of your daze.

But this deep love for him was actually the reason you couldn't be as affectionate with him as you were with the others, as contradictory as it sounded. The shyness that overcame you every time he was around prevented you from being too handsy with him or even just coming too close. This was uncharacteristic of you, but you couldn't help it.

You'd have no problems kissing Suzie Q all over her face, caressing Lisa Lisa's hair or leaning on Ceasar's shoulders when you were sleepy. But Joseph? You just wouldn't dare touch him.

What if he found it weird, or rejected you, or was disgusted by it, maybe? What if you died on the spot from respiratory failure because of your heart beating way faster than it healthily should be?

You couldn't touch him like that out of nowhere, right? You didn't know the guy enough to be this affectionate yet. Or so you told yourself to reassure your own worries.

But one day, Joseph felt particularly jealous. Everyone including him had noticed how differently you seemed to treat him compared to everyone else. He didn't understand why you acted so physically distant around him when you two actually got along so well.

Even when he was the one to try and initiate anything physical with you, even something as small as wrapping an arm around your shoulder, you wouldn't reciprocate at all.

This drove him to the edge. Did you not like him at all? He even thought that maybe Ceasar had 'brainwashed' you and put some ideas in your head that made you fear him.

He could only imagine his italian friend telling you things like "Be careful Y/N, men are wolves." and, "Don't stay alone with Jojo, you can never know what happens." as well as, "If he tries to do anything to you, call me. blah blah blah."

That thought alone drove the Joestar nuts. Like he was one to talk about defending women from pervs.

However, everything changed one specific afternoon. Ceasar and Joseph had just finished a hard day of Hamon training, and you came at the door to welcome them home.

"Welcome back, boys! How was training today?" you greeted, beaming a sweet smile.

"Ah it was good, Jojo still needs to focus, he's way behind." Ceasar said a bit tiredly as he rubbed his shoulder and went to sit down on the couch.

"Hey! Watch it floosie, don't start." Joseph retorted offended and you giggled a bit at the two bickering, as they usually did.

"Jojo, go sit down with Ceasar, you must be tired. I'll make you some tea." You warmly proposed to your friend and he nodded, sitting on one of the couches opposite the blonde.

As you turned around and were about to leave, Ceasar silently gestured you to approach him, to which you obliged, wondering what he wanted.

You came in front of him, and he suddenly grabbed your hand to pull you close. He then wrapped his arms around your waist and leaned his head on your chest, sighing delighfully as he did.

You were used to it and knew when he did this, it meant he was truly exhausted. You just let him rest like this and brought your hands to caress his blonde locks softly, craddling his head.

Jojo clenched his teeth and clicked his tongue as he was beyond frustrated with the scene before him. He could throw up at what he was currently witnessing.

He knew you two were close but who does this guy think he is? He was constantly out there calling you 'little sister' or 'sorellina' every single day of the week and yet he still acted like a pervert with you? Yikes.

"What the hell is wrong with this dude? You just have to put your hands on every woman you see! Fucking gross!" Joseph snarled at the italian man.

Ceasar slowly moved his head to the side to glare at Joseph, visibly annoyed. "What's your problem, Jojo? Can't I embrace my little tesorina in peace?"

"Why you gotta be all over her like that, just let her go, man! Can you imagine if I did the same?" Joseph argued, clearly grossed out and jealous at how clingy the blonde acted towards you.

Ceasar jolted at the mere thought. He released his grip on you and put his full, angry attention to Joseph.

"Don't you dare even think about it, Joestar!" the blonde growled.

"Huuuuuh?" Joseph raised a teasing eyebrow, "What's that? You don't like the idea of another guy touching her?"

"You'll make her uncomfortable!" Ceasar defended back.

"Oh yeah? Well it's not up to you to decide that." Joseph smirked and got up abruptly. "Y/N!" He called out.

"Y-yes?" You stuttered, overwhelmed by the whole ordeal. What even was happening?

He suddenly opened his arms wide, suggesting one thing only. Ceasar was fuming and got up as well, preventing you from approaching Joseph.

"Y/N don't, he's just being immature as always."

"Shut up playboy, she's not your girl, if she wants to hug me she will, whether you like it or not!"

You started to get tired of all the bickering. All of this for just a hug? The only reason you weren't physical with Joseph was because you were too shy and love-struck with him to do so, why did it have to end up in a stupid fight?

"I mean... If Jojo really wants to... I don't see why not..." You said as you try to swallow your own cowardness.

"Y/N..." Ceasar trailed off, concerned.

This man needed to calm down, you thought to yourself. You patted his arm and smiled reassuringly at the blonde.

"Ceasar, it's fine! It's just Jojo, it's not like he's a creepy stranger or something." you sheepishly said and he clicked his tongue in response, clearly not convinced. "Here, look, it's nothing at all!"

You slowly walked towards Joseph who started giggling excitedly like a little boy. Finally, he waited for this moment for so long.

Gently, you brought yourself into his broad chest, face getting warmer and warmer by the second, as you carefully wrapped your arms around his waist and laid your head onto him.

He instantly reciprocated by caging you in his strong arms, sighing in delight. You were so small compared to him it was beyond adorable and he swore he could actually squeal right now.

Before he could fully immerse himself into your warmth he felt you flinch a little then instantly move your hands upwards on his upper back. If you weren't already flustered and blushing like crazy, now it was even worse.

As you went to hug him, you underestimated your height difference and put your hands all over his bare waist. Poor you, you had completely forgotten the man wore crop tops on the daily and how dare you touch someone's skin so indecently?

Startled by the feeling of his warm skin, you immediately brought your hands up to a more appropriate and most importantly, clothed part of his back, hoping he didn't mind or notice your little mishap.

It was really a small detail, but you cared a lot. You buried your face more into his chest, embarrassed by your own actions, your heart was pounding so hard it would put Afro beat to shame.

How wrong, you thought to yourself, you hated to touch people's skin. Them wearing revealing clothes didn't make it okay to be this intimate, that is what you swore by.

Both him and Ceasar seemed to notice it. You weren't subtle at all. Ceasar knew how much of a respectful person you were, even if you were pretty touchy, you would never invade someone's personal space or privacy.

You would always make sure they were okay with whatever ministrations you'd give them and of course, you wouldn't dare be inappropriate, especially towards the opposite sex.

Ceasar always appreciated this thoughtful and attentive side of you and thought your pure innocence had to be protected at all cost. But of course, one idiot still decided to tease you about it.

"Hmm? What's wrong Y/N-chan? You just did something very naughty right there~" he said with a smug grin and you perked up, gasping.

"I-I didn't mean to! I'm sorry Jojo!" you moved away from him just a little bit to look at his face, concern evident on your features.

He smirked widely at your flustered state. He loved to see your cute reactions and how embarrassed you would become for such trivial reasons as insignificant as accidently touching his bare skin. It was extremely funny to him.

He squeezed your body even closer against his, feeling all your curves pressed against him and bathing in your sweet scent as he leaned down slightly.

He could feel your heart beat quicken, your blushing face was a sight to behold, and he was having the time of his life.

If he knew hugging you alone was this much fun he wouldn't have waited for Ceasar's permission at all, not that the Italian was even okay with it in the first place.

Something told him to stop there before he could break you, but glancing up at Ceasar's fuming expression just made him want to push the teasing further.

"Hmmm~" He purred close to your reddening ear, "Your boobs feel nice, Y/N-chan~"

Okay. That was it for Ceasar. One American will die tonight.

In the corner of your eyes you saw a flash of orange electric energy come at full speed towards you and Joseph. You quickly released him and ducked to the right, only for Joseph to take the hit of Ceasar's Hamon-filled punch right in the face, sending him flying.

"CEASAR!!!" You cried in shock.

"DON'T EVER TOUCH MY BABY ANGEL EVER AGAIN YOU FUCKING DICKHEAD!!!"

Joseph held his bloody nose and laughed obnoxiously at the angry blonde, pointing at him accusingly.

"Hehehe, now I understand why you only keep her to yourself, Ceasar, you horn dog! 'Little sister', my ass!"

Ceasar snapped and dashed towards him as Joseph got up and sprinted down the hallway, with no regrets whatsoever.

On the other hand, you stayed back, still overwhelmed by what just transpired. Even if it wasn't how you imagined it, it felt nice to hold the man of your dreams close to you.

You rubbed your arms, trying to savor the fading feeling of his own strong ones wrapped around you protectively. Your heart jumped in your chest and you grinned to yourself like a schoolgirl.

You were eager to do it again, but maybe this time, out of Ceasar's brotherly sight.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #writing #jojo #x reader #reader insert #jjba #jojo no kimyou na bouken #jojo part 2 #part 2 #battle tendency #joseph joestar x reader #joseph x reader #joseph joestar

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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The Star Trek: The Original Series Episodes That Best Define the Franchise

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By the time my generation got to watch Star Trek: The Original Series, the episodes often were being presented in top-ten marathons. When I was ten-years-old, for the 25th Anniversary of Star Trek, I tape-recorded a marathon of ten episodes that had all been voted by fans as the best-ever installments of The Original Series. Later, I got lucky and found Trek stickers at the grocery store and was able to label my VHS tapes correctly. But do I think all the episodes that were in that marathon back in 1991 were really the best episodes of all of the classic Star Trek? The short answer: no. Although I love nearly every episode of the first 79 installments of Star Trek, I do think that certain lists have been created by what we think should be on the list rather than what episodes really best represent the classic show.

This is a long-winded way of saying, no, I didn’t include “Amok Time” or “The Menagerie” on this list because, as great as they are, I don’t think they really represent the greatest hits of the series. Also, if you’ve never watched TOS, I think those two episodes will throw you off cause you’ll assume Spock is always losing his mind or trying to steal the ship. If you’ve never watched TOS, or you feel like rewatching it with fresh eyes, I feel pretty strong that these 10 episodes are not only wonderful, but that they best represent what the entire series is really about. Given this metric, my choice for the best episode of TOS may surprise you…

10. “The Man Trap”

The first Star Trek ever episode aired should not be the first episode you watch. And yet, you should watch it at some point. The goofy premise concerns an alien with shaggy dog fur, suckers on its hand, and a face like a terrifying deep-sea fish. This alien is also a salt vampire that uses telepathy that effectively also makes it a shapeshifter. It’s all so specifically bonkers that trying to rip-off this trope would be nuts. Written by science fiction legend George Clayton Johnson (one half of Logan’s Run authorship) “The Man Trap” still slaps, and not because Spock (Leonard Nimoy) tries to slap the alien. Back in the early Season 1 episodes of Star Trek, the “supporting” players like Uhura and Sulu are actually doing stuff in the episode. We all talk about Kirk crying out in pain when the M-113 creature puts those suckers on his face, but the real scene to watch is when Uhura starts speaking Swahili. The casual way Uhura and Sulu are just their lovable selves in this episode is part of why we just can’t quit the classic Star Trek to this day. Plus, the fact that the story is technically centered on Bones gives the episode some gravitas and oomph. You will believe an old country doctor thinks that salt vampire is Nancy! (Spoiler alert: It’s not Nancy.)

9. “Let that Be Your Last Battlefield”

There are two episodes everyone always likes to bring up when discussing the ways in which Star Trek changed the game for the better in pop culture’s discourse on racism: “Plato’s Stepchildren” and this episode, “Let that Be Your Last Battlefield.” The former episode is famous because Kirk and Uhura kiss, which is sometimes considered the first interracial kiss on an American TV show. (British TV shows had a few of those before Star Trek, though.) But “Plato’s Stepchildren” is not a great episode, and Kirk and Uhura were also manipulated to kiss by telepaths. So, no, I’m not crazy about “Plato’s Stepchildren.” Uhura being forced to kiss a white dude isn’t great.

But “Let that Be Your Last Battlefield,” oddly holds up. Yep. This is the one about space racism where the Riddler from the ‘60s Batman (Frank Gorshin) looks like a black-and-white cookie. Is this episode cheesy? Is it hard to take most of it seriously? Is it weird that Bele (Frank Gorshin) didn’t have a spaceship because the budget was so low at that time? Yes. Is the entire episode dated, and sometimes borderline offensive even though its heart is in the right place? Yes. Does the ending of the episode still work? You bet it does. If you’re going to watch OG Star Trek and skip this episode, you’re kind of missing out on just how charmingly heavy-handed the series could get. “Let that Be Your Last Battlefield” is like a ‘60s after-school special about racism, but they were high while they were writing it.

8. “Arena”

You’re gonna try to list the best episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series and not list the episode where Kirk fights a lizard wearing gold dress-tunic? The most amazing thing about “Arena” is that it’s a Season 1 episode of The Original Series and somehow everyone involved in making TOS had enough restraint not to ever try to use this Gorn costume again. They didn’t throw it away either! This famous rubber lizard was built by Wah Chang and is currently owned by none other than Ben Stiller.

So, here’s the thing about “Arena” that makes it a great episode of Star Trek, or any TV series with a lizard person. Kirk refuses to kill the Gorn even though he could have, and Star Trek refused to put a lizard costume in a bunch of episodes later, even though they totally could have. Gold stars all around.

7. “Balance of Terror”

The fact that Star Trek managed to introduce a race of aliens that looked exactly like Spock, and not confuse its viewership is amazing. On top of that, the fact that this detail isn’t exactly the entire focus of the episode is equally impressive. The notion that the Romulans look like Vulcans is a great twist in The Original Series, and decades upon decades of seeing Romulans has probably dulled the novelty ever so slightly. But, the idea that there was a brutally cold and efficient version of the Vulcans flying around in invisible ships blowing shit up is not only cool, but smart.

“Balance of Terror” made the Romulans the best villains of Star Trek because their villainy felt personal. Most Romulan stories in TNG, DS9, and Picard are pretty damn good and they all start right here.

6. “Space Seed”

Khaaaan!!!! Although The Wrath of Khan is infinitely more famous than the episode from which it came, “Space Seed” is one of the best episodes of The Original Series even if it hadn’t been the progenitor of that famous film. In this episode, the worst human villain the Enterprise can encounter doesn’t come from the present, but instead, the past. Even though “Space Seed” isn’t considered a very thoughtful episode and Khan is a straight-up gaslighter, the larger point here is that Khan’s evilness is connected to the fact that he lived on a version of Earth closer to our own.

The episode’s coda is also amazing and speaks of just how interesting Captain Kirk really is. After Khan beat the shit out of him and tried to suffocate the entire Enterprise crew, Kirk’s like “Yeah, this guy just needs a long camping trip.”

5. “A Piece of the Action”

A few years back, Saturday Night Live did a Star Trek sketch in which it was revealed that Spock had a relative named “Spocko.” This sketch was tragically unfunny because TOS had already made the “Spocko” joke a million times better in “A Piece of the Action.” When you describe the premise of this episode to someone who has never seen it or even heard of it, it sounds like you’re making it up. Kirk, Spock, and Bones are tasked with cleaning-up a planet full of old-timey mobsters who use phrases like “put the bag on you.” Not only is the episode hilarious, but it also demonstrates the range of what Star Trek can do as an emerging type of pop-art. In “A Piece of the Action,” Star Trek begins asking questions about genres that nobody ever dreamed of before. Such as, “what if we did an old-timey gangster movie, but there’s a spaceship involved?”

4. “Devil in the Dark”

When I was a kid, my sister and I called this episode, “the one with giant pizza.” Today, it’s one of those episodes of Star Trek that people tell you defines the entire franchise. They’re not wrong, particularly because we’re just talking about The Original Series. The legacy of this episode is beyond brilliant and set-up a wonderful tradition within the rest of the franchise; a monster story is almost never a monster story

The ending of this episode is so good, and Leonard Nimoy and Shatner play the final scenes so well that I’m actually not sure it’s cool to reveal what the big twist is. If you somehow don’t know, I’ll just say this. You can’t imagine Chris Pratt’s friendly Velicrapotrs, or Ripper on Discovery without the Horta getting their first.

3. “The Corbomite Maneuver”

If there’s one episode on this list that truly represents what Star Trek is usually all about on a plot level, it’s this one. After the first two pilot episodes —“Where No Man Has Gone Before” and “The Cage”—this was the first regular episode filmed. It’s the first episode with Uhura and, in almost every single way, a great way to actually explain who all these characters are and what the hell they’re doing. The episode begins with Spock saying something is “fascinating” and then, after the opening credits, calling Kirk, who is down in sickbay with his shirt off. Bones gives Kirk shit about not having done his physical in a while, and Kirk wanders through the halls of the episode without his shirt, just kind of holding his boots.

That’s just the first like 5 minutes. It just gets better and better from there. Like a good bottle of tranya, this episode only improves with time. And if you think it’s cheesy and the big reveal bizarre, then I’m going to say, you’re not going to like the rest of Star Trek.

2. “The City on the Edge of Forever”

No more blah blah blah! Sorry, wrong episode. Still, you’ve heard about “The City on the Edge of Forever.” You’ve heard it’s a great time travel episode. You’ve heard Harlan Ellison was pissed about how the script turned out. You heard that Ron Moore really wanted to bring back Edith Keeler for Star Trek Generations. (Okay, maybe you haven’t heard that, but he did.)

Everything you’ve heard about this episode is correct. There’s some stuff that will make any sensible person roll their eyes today, but the overall feeling of this episode is unparalleled. Time travel stories are always popular, but Star Trek has never really done a time travel story this good ever again. The edge of forever will always be just out of reach.

1. “A Taste of Armageddon”

Plot twist! This excellent episode of TOS almost never makes it on top ten lists. Until now! If you blink, “A Taste of Armageddon” could resemble at least a dozen other episodes of TOS. Kirk and Spock are trapped without their communicators. The crew has to overpower some guards to get to some central computer hub and blow it up. Scotty is in command with Kirk on the surface and is just kind of scowling the whole time. Kirk is giving big speeches about how humanity is great because it’s so deeply flawed.

What makes this episode fantastic is that all of these elements come together thanks to a simplistic science fiction premise: What if a society eliminated violence but retained murder? What if hatred was still encouraged, but war was automated? Star Trek’s best moments were often direct allegories about things that were actually happening, but what makes “A Taste of Armageddon” so great is that this metaphor reached for something that could happen. Kirk’s solution to this problem is a non-solution, which makes the episode even better. At its best classic Star Trek wasn’t just presenting a social problem and then telling us how to fix it. Sometimes it was saying something more interesting — what if the problem gets even harder? What do we do then?

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

The humor and bombast of “A Taste of Armageddon” is part of the answer to that unspoken question, but there’s also a clever lesson about making smaller philosophical decisions. In Star Wars, people are always trying to rid themselves of the dark side of the Force. In Star Trek, Kirk just teaches us to say, “Hey I won’t be a terrible person, today” and then just see how many days we can go in a row being like that.

What do you think are the most franchise-defining episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series? Let us know in the comments below.

The post The Star Trek: The Original Series Episodes That Best Define the Franchise appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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procancelled · 4 years

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It’s Hard To Be A Diamond In A Rhine Stone World 2008

Something I’ve noticed is that the majority of BOTDF songs address the listener instead of a specific person in the song. This is concerning given how sexual the songs are and how young the fanbase is.

Slash Gash Terror Crew Anthem!

- Fandom name.

- Violent

- Anthem for the fanbase is very sexual despite fanbase is young.

Bend over

Shake those titties

- Gross and demeaning

Pull over

Hello Kitty

- This is a FUCKING CHILDREN’S CARTOON CHARACTER!

Back it up like a U-Haul truck

Sock it to me

Rub my junk

- Anthem for fanbase asks them to do sexual things to Dahvie

You’re a freak… like me!

- Trying to connect to the audience and make them relate to him

Save the Rave

You can talk

You stupid tricks

- Demeaning to people who criticise him or come out with allegations against him

I’ve taken the pills

Giving into cheap thrills

- Normalising drug use

I fell in love with a girl

At the dance club

She said what! As I’m kicking

Up the party drugs

- Connecting relationships, ‘love’ and drug use

Shoot up this place

- Violent

S My D

- A whole song dedicated to Dahvie’s oral sex fixation

I’m probably gonna lick

Feel you up until you drip

- Oral sex fixation and overly sexual

Do you like my sexy hair?

- Wig, shitty, mouldy, stinky wig.

I’m not wearing any underwear

- So it’s easier to get your dick out?

- Also, this is said in a very childish tone instead of trying to sound sexual

S my D

Pop it out like lipstick

- Childish sounding when referring to his oral sex fixation

Take the bottles, pop ‘em out

- Connecting alcohol with sex

Gimme gimme more on the dance floor

- Sex in public, exhibitionism

Turn around, what the hell

Go real fast, break it down

Do it ‘til you touch the ground

Want it slick, want it sure?

- Fast semi-violent sex

Bitch I know you want some more

- Disrespectful and also sounds very rapey

So open me up like Christmas

- Childish sounding which is very gross

S my D motherfuckin’ bitches

- Disrespectful and demeaning

Suck it good

Suck it hard

Suck it right

- Demanding

- Oral sex fixation

- If you want good oral sex then maybe you shouldn’t try to get oral sex from underage virgins, most of which don’t know or understand oral sex

Ima Monster (Heart On My Sleeve)

- Yes you are

I’m banging with the b-o—t-o-dizzle

With wiffles

- What the fuck does this mean?

‘Cause I dribble like I’m rubbing on nipples

- Obsession with breasts

- Why would rubbing nipples make him dribble so much? He’s not seen boobs for the first time, he’s an adult

Gotta get out the pickle

- Childish sounding and gross

Make it rain with the ripples

Let my candy rum trickle

- Linking alcohol and sex

Get you buzzed with double triples

Getting head, in rentals

- Oral sex fixation

- Car sex again

Avoiding the parentals

- Why would adults need to avoid parents? Because an adult should be having sex/a relationship with an adult so parents aren’t an issue right? Unless this is actually because he is avoiding parents because he intents to pursue a minor

They be hatin’ us

Cause we glamourous

They be hatin’ us

Cause I’m fabulous

- Uses things like jealousy as the only reason he/the band are hated

Can’t stop me once I’ve started

- Sounds rapey as fuck

Baby got me retarded

- Slur

Chop, chop, chop you up

- Violent

Eat you like a cannibal

Spit you like an animal

- Violent

- Dismissive, uncaring and disrespectful

Slice, slice, slice you up

Cut you up, I’ll slice and dice

- Violent

Serve you up as cold as ice

- Gloating

Go ‘head girl, shake that butt

Make me freaking bust a nut

- Overly sexual

- Objectifying

Let’s get wasted, super UHW

Guess what honey, I’m a freak

I’m a freak, inside the sheets

- Links alcohol and sex

- Saying he’s a ‘freak’ is reminiscent of how he uses BDSM as an excuse

Rough, tough, naughty nurse

Rip it up, make it hurt

- Normalising rough sex to a young audience that doesn’t know much about sex

- Telling fans what he likes and what he’s like (supposedly) sexually

Don’t stop, get it, get it

Last for hours, not for minutes

- Demanding

- Yeah as if you could Dahvie

Open wide for my surprise

- Oral sex fixation

Scratch and blow for your grand prize

Smear it on your plastic face

- Rude

- Marking who he’s with sexually

Leave you with a sweeter taste

- He has told girls that his cum tastes like ice cream, young girls.

Super soaker on your chest

Let it drip down on your breasts

- Breast obsession

- At shows he would pour drinks on girls chests. He would also spit on them, mainly whichever girl he decided he wanted to have sex with

Haters make me famous

- He indoctrinates his fans to think this way so whenever they see people criticise him or talk about what he did to them they will just replay that their ‘hate’ is just making Dahvie more famous

- They aren’t haters and Dahvie is famous for all the wrong reasons

It’s Hard To Be A Diamond In A Rhine Stone World

Slash Gash Terror what?

Slash Gash Terror who?

Slash Gash Party Crew

- Violent name for fanbase

You know how we fucking do

- Telling fanbase how to act

Pull over, that ass is so phat

You makin’ me clap

- Overly sexual and demeaning

I don’t know how to act

- He really doesn’t

I do it in the front

I do it in the back

Shake it down like that

Make that booty go clap

- Overly sexual while sounding childish and not sexy in any way

Can’t knock it, I’m profit

- Money obsession

- Uses money and parents connect to the cops in his area to get out of any repercussions

I got paper to chase

I got money to make

- By scamming fans

Squish, squish on your chest

- Childish sounding

Rub those titties, super breast

- Ah yes, one single super breast, the other one is mediocre

- Breast obsession

Ah, ah lost my breath

Ultra sex you’re the best

- Overly sexual

I’m packing

- Doubt

I’m stacking

Some rated x action

Strawberry whip cream

We can be a sweet team

Bang bang choo choo train

Show me how you work that thing

- Childish sounding while being overly sexual

This is how we fucking do

In the Slash Gash Terror Crew

- Addressing fans

- Telling fans how to act

Keys To The Bakery

Haters block

- ‘Haters’ = valid critics

- Ironic since he blocks anyone who comments on his posts with the allegations against him

And snitches rock

- Does he mean rock in some kind of bad way?

- He calls anyone who confesses what he did to them as a snitch to make it sound bad so his fans go after them

Yo pass me the cup

I’ll drink till

I throw up

- Unhealthy behaviour being normalised to a fanbase where the majority can’t legally buy alcohol

I get you wetter than Hurricane Katrina

- Hurricane Katrina happened in 2005, three years before this album came out. People were still suffering.

- Hurricane Katrina caused 1,200 deaths and $125 billion in damages

- This line is said eight times in this song

Cuddle leads to trouble

When you’re up in my bubble

- Sounds incredibly rapey

I don’t chase em

I replace em

- It has been reported that over 100 people have reached out with stories about how they have been hurt by Dahvie

- If Dahvie couldn’t get what he wanted from someone he would stop contacting them

- He would also stop contact if he felt at risk of being exposed

Stackin’ hoes

Like dominoes

- Disrespectful

Make a rumour

- Constantly calls the allegations ‘rumours’ so they seem less valid, especially to people who don’t look into them further

Sense of humour

- Nothing about rape or paedophilia is funny

Entertain with my life

Make me popular over night

To be famous is so nice

- Acts as if the allegations just gain him fame. He is the literal embodiment of ‘HaTeRZ MaKE mE FaMOUs’

Reeses pieces butter cup

- Random and childish sounding

Mess with me

I’ll fuck you up

- Threatening violence

- Many victims have said he is a violent person

This is how we party up

- Saying the way he acts is normal

She licked it like a lolli pop

- Childish sounding

- Oral sex fixation

Don’t stop till you hit the spot

- Demanding

You got me crazy or maybe

Get smashed

- Linking sex and alcohol

I can’t stop

Till I pop

- Sounds rapey

- Only cares if he gets off, doesn’t care about the other person

There’s danger on the spot

- Dahvie is the danger

Got money in my hands

Mad dough! Cash flow

Got the diamonds that glow

We be popin’ Champaign

Like we won the damn game

- Obsession with being rich and flaunting that

- He hasn’t got anything now. He’s poor and lives with his parents

Mosh and Roll!

When I step in the club

Everybody shows me love

- No they don’t

- And now some places, not just clubs, won’t let him in

I’m in the business of terror

- Being honest there

More metal than Slayer

- HA! HA! HA!

- THE FUCK!?!?!?!?

I got money and hoes

- Demeaning

In different area codes

- Has victimised women in many states and even different countries

Cause haters make me famous

- This stupid narrative again

But love will make you shameless

- Dahvie doesn’t understand love and he also should feel shame

I’ll slash, gash this party bash

- Violent

Gotta get that money cash

- By scamming?

Up and down with no breaks

We as in, I’ll make you shake

- Gross and overly sexual

We’re gonna burn this town

To the ground

- Violent

I’m not a trend sweater

I’m a trend setter

- This is an actual line that is spoken

Girl you better pop an umbrella cause

You’re making me wet drip, drip

I gotta get that lick

- Oral sex fixation

For the centre of the tootsie pop

- Childish sounding

You know I can’t stop

- Sounds rapey

Shank you with my bling brass

- Violent

Stacking up on my money cash

- Obsession about money

Do You Want To Be A Superstar?

Ummm… Mic check…

One… Two… Um… Fucking twelve

- Again this is an actual line that is spoken

My fashion is so siq

- He dresses the way he does so he looks younger

My fashion will make you lick

- Oral sex fixation

Watch those panties fucking drip

- Gross and overly sexual

Scene hair weave

- Scene hair wig you mean

Scene attitude so fucking mean

- Acts like being mean is okay and normal because of being part of a certain ‘culture’

Get on the floor

Get on the whore

- Demanding and demeaning

Pull down your pants and drop your drows

- Demanding

(Like Oh My God Dahvie you’re so obscene)

- Acts like everything he does is just because he’s ‘obscene’ which is like him saying that how he treats women while he forces himself on them is BDSM

Bitch I’m the motherfucking war machine

- Violent

Don’t give a fuck just bust your grill

- Doesn’t care about being violent

Throw them hoes

- Demeaning and dismissive

Throw these motherfuckers who get too close

- Violent

Porn star bash

Porn star splash

- Porn obsession

My porn star cash

- Dahvie isn’t a porn star

Pretty damn stoned

- Linking drugs and sex

Pretty fucked up? Yeah I know

- Acts like everything he does is a big deal

Do you wanna be a super star?

Get fucked up and go real far?

- Acts like if you’re famous you are going to get ‘fucked up’

Or do you want to be a porn star?

Fuck for money and go real far

- Demeaning sex work

Wet from dreams

Wet from screams

Wet from sex and dripping with cream

- Overly sexual

HOT HOT SEX!

HOT HOT BREASTS!

HOT WHITE TIGHT SHIRTS

BUSTING OUT YOU’RE CHEST

Double D titties

Double D pretties

- Obsession with breasts

- Objectifying women

Girl got them thighs

You’re pretty damn fine

- Objectifying

I don’t give a fuck what I say

I don’t give a fuck I do it everyday

- He literally doesn’t care as long as he gets away with what he does

Yes I’m different

Yet I’m unique

- ‘Uwu I’m not like other predators’

Mess with me

I’ll grind you like meat

- Threatening violence

Let’s get wasted, super fucked

Go head girl shake that butt

- Childish sounding

- Linking sex with alcohol

(Let’s get wasted)

Make me fucking bust a nut

- Demanding

Wet Dream War Machine

Operation get crunk, I'm in love with your trunk

- Combines sex, alcohol and ‘love’

Get me fucking love drunk, baby girl I want

Drugged up like party monster, sexed up so grab the condoms

- Links drugs and sex

Boom, Boom, Boom

In my hotel room

- Raped underage girls in his hotel rooms while touring or would book a hotel room to take underage girls to

I'm the teenage bloody dream

- ‘Bloody’ is he trying to be British or violent

- He isn’t a teen and also shouldn’t be encouraging teens to want to be with him

Everybody fuck me

- No

Getcha drink on

Take your clothes off

Let’s get down and dirty

- Normalising drunk sex

- Demeaning

Mad Rad Hair

- You mean wig

I'm fenny not a faggot!

- Slur

With extensions so thick

- It’s a wig not just extensions

You can suck my dick

- Oral sex fixation

So get in my chair

Let me pimp your hair

- Used cutting hair as a way to spend time with underage girls. Arrived at a time when the parents would have to go to work so he could be alone with the underage girl

- He couldn’t cut hair. He called himself Dahvie The Elite Hair God on MySpace but he had not talent. I would think it’s the same with makeup. During this time his makeup wasn’t very heavy. It was only when Jayy joined the band and the band was more successful that his makeup got more extreme since he could afford a makeup artist, and Jayy actually can do makeup.

Let’s get wasted super fucked

- Alcohol reference

My hair is better than yours

- IT’S A WIG!

So just fuck me on the dance floor

- Demanding

- Exhibitionist

Everybody gettin' tense

Feeling up my body

- Overly sexual

I love this filthy

Life to get CRUNK ALL NIGHT!

- Linking alcohol and sex

My hair’s looking so tight

- WIG!

In case you didn't know

I'm a really big deal

- He wasn’t overly famous outside of MySpace at this point

So shut the fuck up

- Demanding and disrespectful

And take your clothes off

- Using fame to get people to have sex with him

Come' a MySpace whore

- Demeaning

- Telling his fans the kind of person he’s interested in

- Being scene was a way for him to look younger and prey on young girls

Change your name to

XXGORE

- He gave some of his victims their MySpace name

#Blood On The Dance Floor #dahvie vanity #kawaii monster #anti blood on the dance floor #anti dahvie vanity #trigger warning rape #tw: rape #botdf #anti botdf

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venus-says · 5 years

Text

Futari wa Precure Episodes 01-26

Am I rewatching precure? I can't believe this!

Yes, this is not a fever dream, I'm really rewatching precure, and not just Futari wa but THE WHOLE FRANCHISE. Am I crazy? Yes, because I'm already watching too much stuff at the same time and I barely have time for that as of right now, but I love screwing myself over so here we are!

I can't really remember the exact thing that sprung this desire of rewatching precure on me, but I've been thinking about it for quite some time now, at least since I wrapped up on the Aikatsu marathon before On Parade started, in fact, one of the reasons I started doing the old Kamen Rider reviews was because of this. I just didn't start it earlier because I'm the kind of crazy that picked a calendar, looked at the dates, and made the calcs, and realized I could watch pretty much everything in one year so I decided to keep this "project" for 2020 and start the new decade with a bang.

So this is how it'll go: I'll be dividing each season into quarters and pretty much covering one season per month with posts coming out weekly every Wednesday, the only exceptions for this rule are Futari wa and Yes! since these are the only seasons with sequels so instead of dividing into quarters I'll divide them in half and watch two seasons in a month rather than just one. Also, different from Kamen Rider's case, since I'm more familiar with the franchise and I know how the movies go I'll also be watching the movies and posting about them as I go along (All stars movies will come out usually in between the first and the second week, while solo movies will be in between the third and the forth). I really hope I don't go nuts and that this can go as smoothly as possible. XD In any case, it's precure time!

I promised myself I'd keep nostalgia out of these rewatches and do them like if it was my first time watching the series so that I can be less biased on certain aspects, but when it comes to the OGs is really difficult to not have my thoughts clouded by it. I may not have been around since Precure first aired, but Futari wa was effectively my first precure season too, I joined this bandwagon when Heartcatch was airing and I was so in love that I wanted to watch the past seasons and Futari was was my first choice and it holds a very special place in my heart because of that. I tried my best to keep those feelings out of this review and in some cases I was able to it effectively while on others not so much so, I apologize for that. XD

I usually try to separate these reviews on blocks of Plot, Characters, Designs, and commentary on specific episodes and I'm gonna try to apply this structure here more or less.

Talking about the plot... there's not a lot of it. XD

Like yeah, there's the whole Dark Kingdom attacking the Garden of Light thing, and the sort of scavenger hunt for the Prism Stones (not the Pretty Rhythm ones, just to be clear) and all of that, but there's not a whole lot going on beside it, is just Nagisa and Honoka goofing around while their friendship solidifies, they sometimes bump heads but that's pretty much it. And honestly, that's not bad, as while isn't a story about Nagisa and Fujipi the more slice-of-life portions are amazing.

The cure portion that is the problem, to start the action in these 26 episodes isn't the greatest, most of the time is just the cures being thrown away until they get fed up, say "I'll never forgive you!", hold hands, and they throw either a Marble Screw or, in rare occasions, a Rainbow Therapy. Of course, special fights with generals sometimes get a little more flare, but in general, they're pretty lackluster. Also, it feels like things weren't paced properly with the beginning and the end happening very fast and the middle being overly long in comparison. And of course, there's the element of defeating a villain or a set villains while there's still half a season ahead which means change of villains for people who we never knew existed before and apparently were a big deal, and if you read my Kamen Rider review you know how I feel about huge changes affecting the antagonists...

But oh well, I have lots of things to get through so I won't hammer on this for too long. MOVING ON.

Futari wa's biggest strength, at least for this first half, is CHARACTERS. The side cast has many hits or misses, but the protagonists Nagisa and Honoka more than compensate for it. One fun thing of this whole experience was kinda re-discovering them? Because I never watched the OG precure and Max Heart again after my first time watching like 10 years ago and I also don't have the best memory so I forgot a lot of minor things, like how Nagisa is such a downer in regards to their mission, and how positive and bright Honoka is and these are traits that are kinda opposites to their personalities with Nagisa being more outgoing and energetic and Honoka being more calm and polite, and this is so perfect and so much fun, I love it to that. Speaking of surprises I forgot how much of a savage Honoka was, like, the girl put a group of thieves on the line by just yelling at them. THAT'S THE DEFINITION OF POWER.

Unfortunately, they don't come alone. Their fairy partners, Mepple and Mipple, are... annoying. Mipple not so much, she has moments where I go "Really queen?" but for the most part she doesn't bother me, in fact, I'm sympathetic towards her who has to be partnered romantically with such a piece of crap of a male that Mepple is. I don't know why but I completely forgot the jerk that Mepple actually is and let me tell you, it wasn't fun seeing him being misogynist, selfish, and just plain rude, not just to Nagisa regularly but also with Mepple, it's actually very sad. I don't remember if he gets any better in the future, but for now, I'm hating him.

The side characters aren't very special, the girls in the Lacrosse Team and the Science Club are more or less just extensions and supporters or Nagisa and Honoka but I overall like them. The major highlights in terms of side characters are Akane and Fujipi. Akane is a huge positive because she has great energy, she's very fun, and he not only provides a meeting point for the girls but also has a mentor role, though its a very little one, that is great to see. Fujimura on the other hand... I admit, the dude is okay, he never really did anything relevant so there's nothing to hate on him per se, but he's a love interest and his situation with Nagisa never develops on any sort of way is just a very flat experience which makes his relevance even smaller so I can't help but think "what is he still doing here, just disappear with him already" every time he's up on the screen.

There's no other way to put this, the villains are plane as hell. Some of them have good designs but overall, they're very band. Pissard seems like it could've been a cool dude but we spent only 5 episodes with him, that's not enough time with him to make him interesting. Gekidrago is the boring and stereotypical "dumb villain", I think I don't need to write anything else after that. Irukubo is the stoic powerful villain, but much like in Pissard's case, we barely see him in action so it's not enough to make me care for him, and the Dark King is just a horrible CGI blob of darkness. The best villains of this first half are the siblings Poisony and Kiriya, Poisony is actually the best one of the generals seeing that she's a strategist and most of her plans were all pretty good so she was always able to get the cures corned in some way, she may have flunked her cover in that episode where she disguises as Honoka for not doing her research well before assuming the role, but overall she's amazing. Kiriya is the villain that never attacked the cures directly, as far as I remember he never summoned a Zakkenna, and putting it like this may sound like a bad thing, but trust me, it's not. He's the first precure villain to get a "redemption" and as rushed as it was his presence in the story and his arc as a character was also pretty well done so he deserves to share the podium with his sister as best villains.

Since we're talking about villains let's talk about the cures now. Black and White have a very simple design and that's not a bad thing, they're simple but they're still pretty different from each other and it's not a difference that screams to the eyes like id there was something wrong, they complement each other perfectly which only helps in making them this iconic duo that they are. The transformation items, as well as the Prism Hopeish and that notepad thingy, are very 2000's but they have their charm. I think the thing that didn't age very well were the effects for the transformations and the attacks, don't get me wrong I love their original transformation, there's a frame on it that is just marvelous, but watching with 2020's eyes there are parts that feel very wonky. Following the theme, the attacks have a very simple animation but in this case, it works because they can make some very interesting stuff with it, like launching a Marble Screw through Poisony's Umbra Witch hair.

Going into more detail on the episodes, these 26 ones feel like a normal seasonal anime, despite the pacing problems if these 26 episodes were a single season it would've worked well because there was no loose end lost in the mix, maybe the Fujipi stuff would be the only thing that would end with no proper closure, but then again that's not important so it would be a satisfying end. There were four major arcs inside this mini-season so I'll comment on them separately.

The first and shortest arc is the introductory arc that goes from Episodes 1 to 5. And there's not a lot to say here, they introduce the characters, the mission, and the character relations on a good way, there was nothing stellar but it's a good introduction to the series, the only let down is the fighting portion that is very lackluster, in special the final fight against Pissard that was supposed to be a big important moment but that in the end was just very not impressive at all.

The second arc goes from Episode 6 to 11. This is probably the most boring arc of all despite some interesting happening here, we have the introduction to the Prism Stones and the Prism Hopeish, they first use the Rainbow Therapy here, and we also have the famous arc where Nagisa and Honoka fight for the first time and tighten their bonds. These are all interesting points but the set-up for these things to happen weren't the best, like for example Nagisa and Honoka's fight, I always remembered this as a very important moment, AND IT IS, the lesson learned at the end is pretty good and it results on them calling each other for their first name which is a key moment, but all of that happened because of Nagisa's feelings for Fujipi and all that misunderstanding and ughhh that's such a boring reason to make them fight, it was really a letdown. I think after everything the thing that stroke me the most was Honoka's birthday episode and how badass she was for putting some sense into the head of three adult men, which was really magnificent. Also, the first proper fight happened in this arc in the final battle against Gekidrago, it was short but it was good nonetheless.

The biggest arc is the third one that goes from Episodes 12 to 21. This is my favorite arc and a big part of it is because Poisony and Kiriya start to get active here. I don't know how to explain but their addition to the cast made things more dynamic and interesting to watch. Poisony's plans always led to interesting situations like when she hypnotized their classmates that were playing dress-up as the cures, or when she trapped them inside that mirror dimension, or even her last moments in the show where she used that old trick of impersonating someone and making the protagonist having to choose who's the real and who's the fake one, you know even if the precure portions weren't the best, they were put in the most interesting situations in this arc. Together with that, we have Kiriya that goes through a very interesting arc, until now I don't really know why he infiltrated in the school since, as I mentioned, he never acted directly as a villain against the precure (not as far as I can remember) but his interactions with the crew and especially his relationship with Honoka was quite interesting to see it develop. My high points from this arc were episode 18, the one where a girl confesses her feelings for Kiriya - there's a lot of interesting stuff happening here, and episode 20, Poisony's defeat and one of the best fights of this portion of the season. My low point would be episode 19 more because Mepple is being a jerk here than anything else, but I didn't enjoy this episode as much as I did to the other in this arc.

The final arc of this portion is another small one, it covers episodes 22 to 26, and this one is very odd. We start with a filler centered around Honoka's dog of all things that are followed by two two-parters that wrap-up this first half. I'm gonna be honest I don't like this arc, one because it introduces Pollun and two because the "final" fight is very unimpressive, yeah Shining Star debuts here and is a big moment but overall isn't the best, which is understandable after all are two girls launching a beam at a giant dark blob of CGI and there's not a whole lot there, but its fun to see a preview of what will become the Extreme Luminario in the next season. I also don't like how they didn't let the episode finish on a downer note with both of the girls missing their partners and such. But oh well, at least we had Episodes 23 and 24 here there were very interesting, they had this mystery/horror film vibe to it and I loved it.

And that's pretty much all I had to say! Thank you for reading all of this mess, I really appreciate it, I'm very excited to be doing this and I hope I can count with your support through this year. What are your thoughts on Futari wa? Let me know in the comments. I'll see you, folks, on a next time, and don't forget, if you ever see a shooting star be careful with what you wish for, a cellphone thing may fall from the sky right on your head and unless if you're an anime girl you will be in risk of having a concussion. XD In any case, see you around. o/

#Futari wa Pretty Cure #Futari wa Precure #precure

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holylulusworld · 6 years

Text

A new dimension of crazy - Part 1

Request: I just had an idea of supernatural x Android reader(like from the game detroit become human) so I wanted to ask you if you can do it please ❤ P.S really love your stories

Pairing: Dean x Android!Reader, Sam x Android!Reader (platonic)

Warnings: talking about rifts, talking about Android stuff

Sorry for the late ‘delivery’ it took me a while to find a storyline for the Android theme.

Words: 1405

A new dimension of crazy Masterlist

“Dean! I think I found us a case.“

“Great. So much for having a day off,” Dean mutters.

“You will like the case.”

“Sure, vamp, werewolf or demon?”

“Another rift opened at different places all over Kansas!”

“Wait! The rift opened so lose to us? Fuck! Do you think Jack opened it again?”

“No, Jack can control it better now. Castiel assured me Jack has nothing to do with those rifts.”

“Still…can’t Cas and Jack check those rifts out? I need a day off.”

“Well if you want to miss the naked woman…”

“N…aked woman? What do you mean with a naked woman?”

“Every witness told the cops the same story. The rift opened and a naked woman with long brown hair appeared. She asked for someone and then she returned to the rift.”

“A naked woman? Don’t lie to me about naked women!”

“I swear it’s the truth. Here, read it yourself.”

“Huh? Was she hot?”

“Really? That’s all you’re interested in? There are rifts again, a naked woman is asking for someone and all you’re interested in is asking me if she’s hot?”

“Yeah. Why not? Half the fun of the job? Alright, let’s roll. I want to see the naked woman!” Dean chuckles.

Dramatically rolling his eyes Sam sprints toward his room to get his bag.

“Naked woman…huh?” -----

“The witnesses said there was a thunderstorm before the rift appeared and then the girl came out and asked for someone. She didn’t hurt anyone. Only asked for someone and…wait…what did she say? Uh…yeah…She said she’s a caretaker, a protector for the person she’s looking for.”

“Sounds odd. Who talks like that? Caretaker? Protector? Maybe drugs?”

“She comes from a different dimension. I guess it’s a really different one.”

“As if Apocalypse now world wasn’t annoying enough!” Dean mutters.

“Whoa…the last sighting was close by.”

“How close?”

“ Uh…very close…Lebanon. The post office.”

“You got to be kidding me! We are about to look for the chick and she comes to us on free terms or what?” Dean asks.

“I got no clue but according to what I found she got closer and closer to Lebanon.”

“If I would believe in coincidences I wouldn’t be worried…but I don’t believe in coincidences. Do you think she’s looking for us or Jack?”

“I got no clue but she obviously is coming closer to us,” Sam says thoughtfully.

“What do you think we are dealing with? Demon? Maybe a shifter? A gone nuts archangel again?”

“I don’t think it’s a shifter.”

“But she’s naked…so I thought maybe as she changes…”

“Dean, all witness described her the same way. Long brown hair, Y/E/C eyes and she was wearing some kind of necklace.”

“Necklace? They were looking at a necklace while a hot naked woman was right in front of them?”

“Obviously not everyone is a pervert like you Dean and I didn’t say she was hot!”

“Why? Do you think she ain’t hot?”

“Dean we have other problems than that. Hot or not doesn't matter! We need to find out what she is and whom she is looking for!”

“Right, right. So no shifter but maybe a demon?”

“A demon wouldn’t ask nicely, Dean.”

“Well Crowley had manors, remember?”

“I’m getting a headache here.”

“Good. No demon either. Archangel or renegade angel?”

“I don’t think that an angel or archangel would use the rift to move toward her destiny. Wings. Remember?”

“Don’t make me remember that asshole!”

“We should call Castiel and tell him about the situation. Maybe Jack can sense something. He’s back to his full power and as we know he opened the first rift.”

“Alright. We call Castiel and then we should check if she appeared somewhere else in Lebanon.”

“You call Cas. I will check the police records and the news.”

-----

“Anything?”

“Nope. Nothing. Did Castiel or Jack find something?” Sam asks.

“No. Jack can’t sense anything. No archangel or rift. He didn’t open another rift and according to Castiel the angels don’t know anything about a rift or anything similar.”

“What are we dealing with then?”

“If you got no clue and Castiel too, how shall I know?”

“I would suggest driving around and look if we see a rift or something.”

“Really? That’s like finding a needle in a haystack!” Dean mutters.

“Any other suggestions? Enlighten me, Dean.”

“No, let’s go.”

“Maybe we should…” Before Sam can end his sentence he can hear a thunderstorm above the bunker. A nod at his brother and they storm out of the bunker.

Seeing a rift opening right in front of the door Dean’s eyes widen. A beautiful naked woman is coming out of the it.

“I need to find him. I need to find Dean Winchester,” the young woman pleas.

“Well, Sweetheart you just found me,” Dean says grinning at his brother.

“Dean Winchester? Brother of Sam Winchester and son of John and Mary Winchester?”

“Yes, that’s me, honey.”

“Your life is in danger. I’m you’re caretaker, I’m your protector. Your other self sent me to save your life.”

“Sweetheart my life is always in danger.”

“You don’t understand. He will return. He will destroy you. I’m your caretaker. Let me save you, Dean Winchester.”

“Uh…how about wearing some clothes first, ma’am?” Sam stammers.

“Oh…I had to escape and my clothes got destroyed. I don’t need clothes but if you insist I can wear some clothes.” You respond.

“Don’t be a spoilsport, Sammy!”

“Dean!”

“Fine. Here, take my flannel.” Dean says handling you his clothing.

“Thank you. This will be too big according to my calculations.” Wearing Dean’s flannel you check the surroundings. No possible threats.

“Maybe you should come inside?” Sam asks.

“Shouldn’t we check on her first, Sammy?”

“Sure. Christo!”

“From Greek. *meaning anointed*, derived from chrio, meaning to anoint. This name was applied to Jesus. Do you need further information?” You say and Sam stares at you, mouth agape.

“No, I think those are enough information. How about touching this knife?” Dean asks.

Touching the silver knife carefully you scan the object.

“It’s a bit too heavy. The silver is pure. A good weapon but why is there silver on the blade?”

“We will explain that later,” Sam says.

“What’s your name?” Dean wants to know.

“I’m caretaker unit 74-Z8-PU. Protector unit to be specific.”

“Unit? That’s not a name, Sweetheart.”

“You can call me Artemis. My old master used to call me like that or Y/N. His daughter Mary used to call me Y/N. I liked it.”

“Y/N? That sounds beautiful. Where is Mary?”

“I failed my mission to protect. That’s the reason my master sent me here to protect his other self. To make sure that at least one version of him survives.”

“He’s dead?” Sam asks.

“Yes. Dean, his brother…parents. His wife…daughter. I failed my mission…I failed him…”

“I don’t understand a single word she’s saying.” Dean groans.

“I think she comes from a different dimension in which we existed too. Not like in Apocalypse world. Someone killed us and your family. You, I mean your other self sent her here to save you.”

“Now it sounded much easier. How does my other self know about me and our world?”

“We are used to travel through dimensions to keep the balance of the worlds. Someone came to kill our Dean. Someone from your dimension. A powerful being. He wanted my master to be a vessel. Is that the word?” You ask.

“Vessel? Oh…no…Michael?” Sam says worriedly.

“That’s what the being called himself. I tried to defend your family but you sent me away. You thought the other Protectors could save your family…you were wrong.”

“So now Michael is switching dimensions to find a version of me saying ‘yes’?”

“Well, we banned him out of your body. With the spell Rowena used and Jack on our side Michael had to find another way…another vessel.”

“Will you allow me to protect you?”

“Sure, Sweetheart. Come in. You made a very long trip to find me. Let’s talk about Michael and how to defeat his feathered ass once for all.”

“Yes, master.” You reply entering the building.

“Did ya hear that? She called me master.”

“Dean, I think she ain’t a normal girl.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think she ain’t human. I’m afraid she is an android, Dean.”

Watching you entering the bunker mouth agape Dean doesn’t know how to reply.

He has his own android…a female android…jackpot!

Forever Tags

@donnaintx, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22 , @curly-haired-disaster-deactivat, @sister-winchesters99, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom , @thewinchesterco, @hobby27, @kittycatlover18, @gh0stgurl, @marvelfansworld , @sandlee44, @hawaiianohana15, @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt, @katpatrova17, @notyourtypicalrose , @heyitscam99, @onethingthatkeepsmealive, @natura1phenomenon, @flamencodiva, @echoesofpassion, @cocklesbelli, @anushay1998, @voltage-my2dlove, @wayward-gabriel

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags

@spnfamily-thewinchesters, @love-my-not-natural-babies, @supernatural-bellawinchester, @butifulsoul125, @lyinginthegingerlocks, @mirandaaustin93, @hawaiianohana15, @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester, @20gayneen, @x2closebut2farx, @janicho88, @thefaithfulwriter, @dreaminemz, @negans-lucille-tblr, @sadwaywardkid, @akshi8278, @hhiggs

#SPN #spn fanfic #spn tag #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #dean x reader #Dean x Android!Reader #A new dimension of crazy Masterlist #android reader #request fill

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masterweaverx · 6 years

Text

The Purchase

Atlas was many things. Elegant. Educated. Exemplary. Enormous.

It was not, however, evenhanded.

Blake had of course known this. She’d never been to Atlas herself, but she’d heard plenty of stories from the other members of the White Fang. Back when she’d been in the White Fang... back when it had existed. Of course, knowing something and experiencing it were far different things. Even when she kept close to her human friends, she couldn’t help but notice the eyes that shifted suspiciously toward her. The parents, oh so gently, nudging their children closer. The quick double-check of pockets and purses, just in case something went ‘missing.’

It wasn’t blatant. It didn’t last very long. The people always seemed to reassure themselves, within seconds--oh, she couldn’t have been there if she wasn’t a Huntress. Ironwood would have arrested her on the spot, if she wasn’t clean. She wasn’t one of Those Faunus.

The discomfort built up, though. The knowledge that, at one point in her life, she had been one of Those Faunus... even if she never took it as far as Adam--

--the haze cleared, and he was gone, fallen to the river, and she had done it, blade tainted with blood, red like his sword, forever--

She shook her head, swallowing back the bile. That... wasn’t the point. She hadn’t gone out alone since they arrived.

She couldn’t go out alone.

Maybe it was wrong, but... well. It was what it was.

Which meant, unfortunately, she would need the help of somebody else if she was going to accomplish her goal. Somebody to go out with her.

The fact that this somebody might actually have a clue where to go and cut down her wandering to a minimum was a thankful bonus.

“And you’re sure this is the way?”

Weiss rolled her eyes. “Yes, Blake. I’m sure. For the fifth time, I’m sure."

“I’m sorry.” Blake rubbed her arm, ears folding back. “I’m just... nervous.”

Weiss glanced at her sympathetically. “...you know, I could--”

“No,” Blake said firmly. “I... it has to be me. My money.”

“I wasn’t going to offer to pay. Just... negotiate a better deal, if--”

“No. I appreciate it, but...”

She trailed off, not quite meeting Weiss’s gaze.

“...right.” The other girl nodded, eyes forward. “Anyway, my chauffeur used to speak highly of this shop. Back when... when I was younger. I hope it hasn’t changed too much since then.”

Blake chuckled. “A shop for limos. Do you really think they’ll sell--?”

“Even if they don’t, I’m sure they can point us in the right direction.” Weiss reached for the door, but paused for a moment.

“Weiss?”

“...I’m sorry, the irony of this entire situation just hit me. The ex-heiress of the SDC is about to open the door for the princess of Menagerie.”

Blake snorted. “I’m not a princess.”

“Better princess than I would have been. You’ve actually fought for your people.”

“So have you,” she reminded her quietly.

Weiss smiled faintly for a moment. “Mmm.” With a flourish, she took the door’s handle and opened it. “Shall we, lady Belladonna?”

Blake huffed in amusement. “Don’t do that.”

She stepped into the shop, and instantly took note of the gazes pointed at her. Discerning gazes, from store clerks and shops, taking in her appearance. They didn’t change, even when they took in who stood next to her.

The message was clear. This place wasn’t for her. She must have taken a wrong turn somewhere. She’d be leaving soon enough.

“Is it like this everywhere?” Weiss murmured quietly.

“...only in some places. One neighborhood in Vale... the Mistral midslums.” Blake cleared her throat. “This is actually... moderate.”

Weiss took her hand. “Alright. Let’s make this quick, and get out of here fast.”

Blake nodded, striding to the information desk. The clerk behind it lowered her glasses, as if to check to make sure they weren’t broken.

“Hello,” Blake said politely. “I was wondering... do you know where I could buy a motorcycle?”

“There was no need for them to be so rude,” Weiss huffed as they left another store.

Blake shrugged. “I’ve seen worse.”

“They were brusque, dismissive, and utterly unhelpful!”

“A vehicular hobby shop isn’t exactly a place to buy performance motorcycles. The models they have are for rebellious rich teenagers, not cross-country huntresses, and when they realized we wouldn’t buy anything...”

Weiss gave her a flat look. “Are you making excuses for that poor example of a salesman?”

Blake’s ears folded back. “...Weiss... I don’t want to cause a scene.”

The girl opened her mouth, paused, and sighed. “...I’m still leaving them a two-star scroll review.”

“Oh, by all means.”

“Honestly, I knew Atlas was bad, but... I never saw this before.” Weiss's voice dropped. “Then again, I was always the Schnee heiress before... Maybe if I had more, ah, faunus friends growing up... I would have seen more of this.”

Blake looked over her, taking in her despondent expression. “...I don’t know.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means... it means, there are a lot of humans who have faunus friends, and still don’t see this. It’s never directed at them, and they don’t like thinking that there are bad people in their town, serving their coffee. So they don’t... notice.”

“They deliberately ignore--?”

“No, it’s that they don’t notice in the first place. The cues aren’t obvious. Even the sympathetic ones...” Blake bit her lip. “Even... well, you know when Cardin was pulling on Velvet’s ears? Back at Beacon?”

Weiss nodded. “It seems like so long ago, now...”

“Yeah. Pyrrha said she was disgusted by people like him. Yang said it... had to be difficult, to be a faunus. But... neither of them got up to help.” She held up a hand, forestalling Weiss’s protest. “I’m not blaming them. They just didn’t know what to do. But that’s the issue, not knowing what to do... not knowing what’s going on, not knowing what to look for. That’s how stuff like this persists, even when people acknowledge it’s wrong.”

“...I suppose,” Weiss murmured, her face still unsure.

“What I’m saying is...” Blake paused, considering her next words with great care. “What... I’m saying is, even if you did have faunus friends, if they weren’t willing to call this out for you, you can’t be entirely blamed for missing it. Now you do have people who will, and that means that you’re more aware. Which means you can be better.”

“Hmm.” Weiss said nothing more for a while, simply walking down the road. After a bit, she cleared her throat and pulled out her scroll. “Well. While I’m composing my scathing review of that shop, why don’t you check the tram schedule? I have a feeling that we may want to go to the rimward districts for our little excursion.”

Blake smiled wryly. “Maybe even all the way down to Mantle.”

“I hope not, honestly. Getting a motorcycle into a cable car would be a hassle...”

Thankfully enough, there was a motorcycle shop two blocks coreward of the airdocks. The owner looked up at them and groaned. “Oh, gods, not another Weisser...”

“I’m...” Blake blinked. “I’m sorry?”

“Not you, her.” He waved his wrench at Weiss. “Look, having a celebrity crush is fine, but dressing up like her is just kind of nuts. Look at you, you even have the eye scar makeup!”

Weiss scowled. “This scar is real!”

“It’s off-center, girl, don’t try to fool me.” He turned to Blake. “Sorry about that, crazy people in this shop sometimes. You know how it is.”

Blake quirked a brow. She turned to Weiss, who was looking indignant, and back to him. “...Sure. Anyway, you sell motorcycles here?”

“Sell, buy, repair, make, whatever. Let me guess, your Weisser friend tried to take you to the high-falutin’ shops first?” The man shook his head with a wry laugh. “Yeah, coregineers are all about the flash. Tech’s great, man, but they just stick together in whatever way looks coolest without thinking about performance. I mean, have you seen the specs for the Colossus?”

“Actually,” Weiss said, “we’ve seen it in person.”

“Riiiiiight. Point is, that thing has a number of design flaws. The cannon alone... yeesh.” The man shrugged. “Showpiece. Does its job and looks great while doing it, but pit it against anything that’s not a Leviathan and it’d probably go to pieces in, what, twenty minutes?”

“Sounds about right,” Weiss said, her tone somewhat proud.

Blake rolled her eyes. “Let me guess, you have bikes built for performance that I’d like to look at?”

“Yeah, maybe we don’t have all the bells and whistles, but you know what we’ve got? Reliability. Endurance. Efficiency.” The man walked over to a door and opened it. “Come on, let me take you back.”

Blake’s nose crinkled as they entered the garage, rubber and oil assaulting it before just as quickly fading to background scents. Weiss momentarily halted behind them, before exhaling and stepping quickly afterward.

“What,” the man deadpanned, “place too dirty for ya?”

“...Just unexpected,” Weiss replied flatly. “Then again, so’s finding desiccated corpses in an abandoned farmhouse.”

“Yeah, horror stories are the worst.”

“No,” Blake clarified, “that actually happened.”

The man looked at her incredulously. “...what, you serious?”

“Yes. We’ve led an interesting life.”

“Huh.” After a moment, the man shrugged. “Whatever, must have sucked, you’re alive now though. Anyway, here we go!” He gestured at a small squad of cycles, all lined up and parked together. “Now, these girls don’t have fuel in the tanks--anti-theft measure, you understand--but apart from that, they’re all ready to go. Specs and prices on the tags. Anything specific you’re looking for?”

“Cross-country,” Blake replied. “Maneuverable through forests... maybe sand and ice traction, now that I think about it.”

“What, you planning a world tour?”

“Something like that.”

“In that case, you’ll want something with multiple gears. And a place to put a bag, if I’m reading you correctly. Lissee...” He started walking down the line. “No, no, no, hell no, how do you feel about sidecars?”

Blake considered for a moment. “...If we need room for more riders, I think an open trailer is better than a single chair.”

“So not that one, maybe this one, maybe, hmm... no, not that one, that’s a maybe, this is a maybe, maybe, maybe, may--”

“Wait.” Blake pointed. “What about that one?”

“Huh?” The man followed her finger. “Oh yeah! That’s a classic. I mean, you can get more power with later engines, but that model’s been around for a while. Heck, I think they even got some in Vale! You know, before the fall of Beacon.” He checked the tag. “And what do you know, this is a souped-up girl. Little less runtime between refuels, but turns like a bee.”

Blake nodded, putting a hand on the bar. “This one. Definitely.” She considered it. “Quick question: how much to have you paint it yellow?”

“What,” Blake teased, “not five stars?”

“He mistook me for one of my fans,” Weiss grumbled. “He called my scar fake!”

“Hey, if your fan club is big enough to have a name...”

“Weissers. This wasn’t a thing back when I left... what on Remnant happened?” Weiss took in her grin and sighed. “Alright, alright, four and a half stars. But only because he was to the point!”

Blake’s amused hum caught in her throat when they turned the corner. There, waiting for them in front of their current residence, were Ruby and Yang. Yang had her arms crossed, but the glower on her face melted away when she saw what the two of them were rolling between them.

“...what?”

“I, uh...” Blake cleared her throat. “I... went shopping.” She let go of the bike’s handlebar, stepping aside. “After what happened, I thought... you know, since Bumblebee was important to you, that maybe--I mean, I don’t know if it was a gift, or...”

“You...” Yang stepped forward, hand reaching out. “You bought me a new bike.”

“Yes she did,” Weiss confirmed, backing up. “All her money. Not one Schnee-earned card.”

"Hold on, you just up and bought a motorcycle?” Ruby put her hands on her hips. “Have you been holding out on us?”

Blake rubbed the back of her head. “Well, when I told my parents I was coming with you, they... maaaaaaay have given me a small stipend of Lien to make a few purchases here and there... and, well, Menagerie might be a small place, but Dad is kind of the chieftain, so...”

“Well... alright,” Ruby said reluctantly. “I guess we can forgive you sneaking out without telling us this ONCE. I mean you remember when Oscar vanished? This was like, the same but worse! Seriously, we were worried sick!”

Weiss winced. “I suppose it was a little spur-of-the-moment.”

“Don’t do it again. Team order: If you want surprise gifts, you at LEAST say ‘I’m going out to get a surprise gift, don’t follow me.’” Ruby smiled. “That said, this is one great surprise, Blake, good thinking.”

Yang ran her hand over the handlebars gently. “I... wow. I thought it’d take a month or two, if we even had the time...” She looked up. “Thank you.”

“It’s... it’s nothing,” Blake managed. “I mean, after all you’ve done for me... It really doesn’t match up.”

Yang smiled gently. “It’s not about being even, Blake. It’s... this is perfect. I mean it.”

Blake smiled back. “Well... I try my best.”

#RWBY #V6 #Spoilers #RWBY V6 Spoilers #Fanfiction #The Purchase #Blake Belladonna #Weiss Schnee #Ruby Rose #Yang Xiao Long

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the-kouchfort · 5 years

Note

All the munday questions. All of them. Every single one. WRITHE IN YOUR HUBRIS

You asked for it

ᄏ: Play any instruments? Yep. I play the viola and the piano

ω: Have you ever dyed your hair? If so, what color(s)? Oh hell yeah. I’ve had it every color but yellow and orange. Blues and purples are my favorite.

△: Have you ever painted the walls of your room? Yep. It’s been a while, though.

【・ヘ・?】: Ever tripped in front a bunch of people? YEP. The worst one was in the parking lot of church when I was a kid. Fell on my face, broke the glass casserole dish I was carrying, and my dress went up over my head. So. Yeah. That was a fun one. Luckily, I didn’t get any glass in my torso.

＊: When was the last time you tied your hair up? (if your hair is long enough) A few days ago!

旦: Last time you drove your car (if you can drive/have one)? The last time I drove my own car was the night my severe anxiety was triggered. Whole horrible story, and the reason I cowered from thunderstorms for about a decade.

愛: Are you currently dating? Nope. I have been married for 20 years as of last Halloween.

太: When it’s New Year’s, do you make New Year Resolutions and actually commit to them? Nope. I used to, but now I know I won’t actually keep them, so why do it, and just feel awful about it later?

＠: Ever felt attracted to the opposite sex before? Mmmmmhm. I am bi/pansexual, so, there’s that ^_^

空: Did you ever throw up after one roller coaster ride or a few? Nope. I’ve ridden one coaster in my life, and never since then.

☆: Have you ever played games such as ‘Spin the Bottle’? lol, yep. Loooooong time ago.

⊙: Are you happy with where you are in life right now? .... this is a loaded question. I don’t have the inclination to unpack all of it right now, but lets just say... yes, and no. ピ: Did you like Pokemon as a child? When I was a child, it was the 70′s and 80′s, so... no ♪: Do you find yourself singing or humming to yourself sometimes? Allll the time.If I’m not humming randomly, or singing an actual song, then I’m singing random notes that sound good together with nonsensical sounds.

☁: Ever wanted to learn a foreign language? In 2nd and 3rd grade I learned both french and german (though I remember almost nothing of them.), and all through jr. high I learned Spanish and was fluent in it up to that sort of level, but I remember almost none of it, as well, through lack of anyone to practice with.

ス: Have you ever swallowed gum? Yup.

⅚: Post the link if your current favorite song. Omfg, this is a hard one. Music is the underlying fabric of my life. Sure, that sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Maybe this one, as it’s something that’s so fucking hard for me to remember, and I need the reminder every day:

undefined

youtube

ღ: Post a gif of what you’re currently feeling right now.

≘: Have you ever watched the sun rise? One of my favorite things to do was to go camping in the winter. One of my favorite things to do while out there in the middle of nowhere was to wake up early, and watch the stars fade, the sun rise, all while sipping a nice cup of coffee, and wrapped in a blanket in front of my fire. Ahhh, yes, good memories.

☄: Would you defend a friend if they were in danger? Always. Without thought to my own safety. It’s just part of who I am. ➍: Ever been to a concert? Was it fun? Yes, and yes.

♛: Do you like group projects? Deeeepends on what it is. If it’s a creative thing, then I’d prefer to work alone. Everyone has their own vision, their own creative style. I’ve seen group creaative projects go so wrong because everyone wants their vision, and they end up ignoring others’ input.

高: How often do you use headphones/earbuds? Every day. My hearing is way too keen to be able to deal with life without them. The Spouse likes to say I can hear a mouse fart a mile away.

ಲ: Headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones kick off my chronic pain, and I do everything I can to avoid that pain.

♞: Showers or baths? SHOWERS. BATHS ARE GROSS. IT’S JUST YOU SWIMMING IN YOUR OWN DEAD SKIN, BODILY OILS, AND CROTCH AND BUTT STUFF. GOOD GOD NO.

✗: Walks on the beach or in a forest? Both? But if I had to pick, I’d choose a forest. Too many people at a beach now-a-days.

⊙﹏⊙: Which horror movie scared you the most? If any? The original IT when I was a kid, but only because of a very specific prank pulled by my best friend’s brother that had me screaming, and running. They found me a mile away, standing in the middle of the road (it was 1am), just staring at nothing, and swaying side to side. Clowns, after that, have been a terror for me.

^∇^: Has your best friend ever made you angry? Of course. We’re human. Also, everyone pisses me off at one point or another. However, she’s one of the two people who has pissed me off least often in the entire world.

( ．＿．）: Do you think you are an awkward person? Depends on the circumstance. I’m more panic-ridden, and terrified than awkward.

メ: Cupcakes or muffins? Hm. Idk. They both have their plus sides. If there’s milk, then muffins. If not, then cupcakes.

♯: Would you like to be able to fly? YES. I’ve had dreams of flying since I was a kid. About as often as I’ve had dreams of swimming to the bottom of the deepest parts of the ocean. Half of the time it was just something I did in grocery stores, for some reason. That is, until I started thinking about it too much, and lost the ability, and smashed into the floor face first. Sadly, it always happens.

ℝ: What color shirt are you currently wearing? Black, as usual. Æ: What color underwear did you wear yesterday? Parti-colored. Purple, blue, black, pink.

☪: Have you ever flipped off someone? Ohhh yeah.

♬: Cats or dogs? Uhhh... both? Almost all animals! I’d have just about anything for a pet, from spiders and snakes, to rats, to cats, ferrets, dogs, horses... yes. Lots. 礼: Would you swim in the lake or ocean? Yes. の: Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate, every time.

◐: Have you ever seen a meteor shower? Yes, and they’re always amazing. ᄇ: Have you ever broken a bone? Broke both of my wrists at the same time while helping my aunt to get her horse trained for a dressage competition.

ℨ: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? I... have no idea. I can’t pin it down to one thing. If I have to pick, then I’ll go nuts, and say to the edge of the universe to see what’s there.

♔: Know the Duck Song? The Llama Song? Banana Phone? Yes, and fuck you. ۞: What shows did you watch when you were a child? Punky Brewster, Silver Spoon, things like that. ▼: Could you live without the internet? I mean... yeah, sure, but I would go fucking crazy locked in this apartment with no outlet, and no contact with people. Д: Strangest food you’ve eaten? Chicken feet? Menudo (tripe)? Shark? I’ve tortured myself by trying durian, something I will NEVER do again. *insert vomiting gif here*, gator? Buffalo? *shrug* Depends on what you consider weird? 까: Cookies or brownies? Brownies if they’re well-cooked and gooey, Cookies if they are similarly soft in the middle, and a bit crisp on the outside.

came back to the computer to actually post this. has been sitting here for a few hours now. lol. now back to bed for my appointment in the morning. boo mornings.

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 5 years

Text

Below are screenshots of a long PM exchange between myself and an individual the name of RDMacQ.

It continues on from a very long series of exchanges beginning here and continuing here.

It starts off with interactions on a message board before spewing over into PM discussions.

Also below is well...what I would’ve responded to some of RDMacQ’s comments but chose not to so as to hopefully not drag the interaction out yet longer.

I post these so there partially out of catharsis but also so that there is a clear record of what happened and you need not merely trust my word on the discussion, his word, and indeed can cite it if I do make erroneous claims in reference to it. We can then look at it and discuss.

“And this once again highlights your problem- you don't listen, you don't acknowledge what people say, you construct a narrative in your head about them and insist that they follow the imaginary and arbitrary rules you come up with, and you think are are one set of rules for you and one set of rules for everyone else.”

That’s rich coming from you. I apologized multiple times, you didn’t acknowledge this and instead either deliberately or because you are just that stupid decided to take it that I didn’t apologize and instead said it was actually your fault.

And you demanded I not interact with you in your last PM so who’s making up the rules in their head again?

I misinterpreted but you make it out that I’m schizophrenic.

“I told you to stop responding to me via personal email messages, because you weren't listening to me and responding to me with essay after essay trying to tell me how I'M really the bad guy in all of this and you're totally not to blame. You clearly weren't interested in acknowledging any fault beyond the stuff the mods got on your case for, so I told you to stop responding to me.”

a) I also told you afterwards to stop interacting with me and you didn’t

b) I wasn’t going to stop interacting with you after you told me to stop because you’d lied and slandered. Why on Earth should I allow you to lie and insult me?

c) It’s rather rich arguing I responded to you with essay after essay when on multiple occasions you yourself responded with essay length posts. Including this one I am responding to now.

d) You talk about narratives in MY head. YOU are the one claiming I was saying you were the bad guy. I wasn’t. I never ever said that. That’s all inside your own head.

e) I also never said I wasn’t to blame, hence I apologized waaaaaaaaaay back in a PM literally entitled apology

f) Putting aside how I owned up to a mistake in the first PM of this exchange, the stuff I was at fault for was the things the mods got on my case for. Which I owned up to. All the other stuff YOU claim I am at fault for is only YOUR assessment. And we’ve established you aren’t that great at seeing the plain and the obvious. Hence you utterly misread that I was apologizing and wasn’t saying I was faultless and you were to blame for everything. I stated I was at fault and out of line in a big way then outlined where my anger regarding you comes from and elaborated that essentially there had been fault on both our sides, not fault only on yours

“YOU were the one who said I'd never hear from you again. ”

And I kept to that.

You however responded to a comment I didn’t address to you or indeed anyone specifically, which was an innocent question.

Then I responded to you by accident as I’d misread something you wrote as something Lockdown wrote, which I explained and apologized for.

That was a mistake but by that point you’d already interacted with me, you’d already broke what I’d taken to be an agreement of non-interaction.

My consequent interactions with you were to address this as I’d thought we had an agreement but 2 days in a row you’d talked directly to me.

“And- again- given your track record and how I have absolutely zero trust in you anymore, I'd no reason to believe that you'd stick by that word.”

You know...except for the fact I did.

“So when you made that post bitching about the multiple threads, it seemed like there was a very good chance that was a veiled shot at me, given how you've operated in the past, digging up old posts or just deciding you're going to be pissed off at something for no good reason. ”

I wasn’t bitching, it was an innocent question. I didn’t swear (which you accuse me of and just did btw). I wasn’t insulting anyone. I was just asking a question.

My God you talk about a narrative in my head but you are the one seeing an innocent question not directed at you or anyone else as a ‘veiled shot’ at you.

Also I already explained my ‘past operations’ were due to extreme extenuating circumstances. You are talking like I’ve been doing this for years on end when I haven’t. You are again demonizing and slandering me.

“And since I was the one who started these threads and keep them going, that it was probably going to lead to another instance of you sending me a private message telling me what an asshole I am or how wrong I am because I have a different point of view than you do, or have somehow done something to "Offend" you, and you decided that somehow THIS time it would have been "Different" and therefore "Justified" to do this in your mind. ”

This is some conspiracy level stuff. I asked a question. You take this as a veiled shot that going to lead to me attacking you in PMS.

I never even called you an asshole in any PMs to my recollection and if I did I apologize for that but I honestly don’t remember ever saying anything like that. Saying you were wrong sure, but never personally insulting you the way calling you an asshole would constitute.

I don’t even know what you are talking about with ‘different’ and ‘justified’. You just sound crazy.

“So, yeah, I responded. Because I was trying to get out ahead of it and prevent you from going on a tirade which would then lead to another round of harassment from you. ”

You are acting like every single time ever I’ve disagreed with you or stood my ground in opposition to your view I’ve harassed you.

I crossed the line in a big way by digging up one thread and sending you like 3 PMs across a year attacking your points. That was wrong I’ll admit, but you are acting like EVERy instance ever has resulted in something like that and it hasn’t.

It’s especially nuts in this instance because I just asked a question.

“And if you don't think that's fair, and if I'm being too harsh on you, keep in mind the reason I decided to be done with you is because you decided to dig up posts from months if not years back and started sending me private messages telling me what an idiot I am, as well as try to insult me in public on the forum, because you claim you had some issues in your personal life and you decided I was going to be the target of your ire. ”

You are indeed being way too harsh (and utterly unsympathetic); friendly reminder by the way I expressed sympathy for your own issues in our last long PM exchange. You are also being...crazy. I asked. A. Question. That was it. I didn’t criticise. I just asked why we do it one way instead of another. I didn’t respond to your answer. It made sense, it addressed my enquiry. That was it.

Also none of the things I dug up were from years in the past.

The only times I ever ‘insulted’ you on the forums were by calling you belligerent; no mod has ever called me on this so you know....either they agree or it’s not an insult in their eyes.

Not only is this entirely true (remember I’ve explained I wasn’t saying i was guiltless you were actually at fault, you just keep insisting that to be the case), but you yourself have insulted, accused and judged me publicly on the forums. I’ve not been the only person you’ve done that to either.

Yeah I decided you were the target but I explained and apologized for that in my very first PM in this saga of ours.

“Which was the absolute last straw in an LONG line of instances of you acting like an asshole to me, which you continued to refuse to even consider. ”

I don’t refuse to consider it, hence I apologized at the very start which you ignorantly keep ignoring. Notice I’ve not called you an asshole once whilst you’ve done it multiple times across all these PMs.

“So, yes, I responded to you. Because- and this needs to be pointed out again- people aren't obliged to live by the imaginary, arbitrary rules you set up in your head and insist that they all stick to, while you get to do whatever you want.”

Uh huh, by the way totally unrelated question, do you own a mirror? Cos I seem to recall among your own imaginary rules you stated i was in the wrong for admitting i was wrong about something because it took too long for me to do so. Didn’t know there was a time limit.

“I never said I was never going to respond to you ever again. YOU made that claim. Not me. ”

Yes but I took the whole wrap up to that as we were both agreeing to not interact with one another.

I kept to that. You broke it. then i broke it by mistake and broke it again out of reflex and anger, which i owned up to.

But right here right now YOU are acting not just as moral arbiter but as ultimate rule setter.

I can’t interact with you but you can interact with me.

I might’ve misinterpreted but my interpretation at least included a mutual understanding. You are just dictating i can’t talk to you but you can talk to me.

Unfortunately I lost the screen shot of my next PM. But it essentially read that I didn’t read his above comment (which is true at first I didn’t my above response is merely something I wrote a while after the fact for catharis) and that I’m spelling out clearly if he’ll agree to just not interacting in the future.

A reminder. This is the guy who takes major umbridge with me swearing. Here he is swearing and insulting me.

I didn’t say this to him but i have to ask why exactly he gets to dictate the terms of what meeting him half way means when what it seems to mean is I admit I’m wrong, that he’s right and change my allegedly bad ways the way he wants me to.

Doesn’t seem half way since he’s not owned up to doing anything wrong himself.

“And that's the problem.

Because you seem to expect me to do whatever you request, and if I don't I'm being unreasonable.”

Never said this. Never implied this. What’s unreasonable is either not reading my responses to you or then taking umbridge when I do the same in turn. Or you know taking an innocent question as bitching and a veiled shot.

“But you absolutely refuse to listen or do anything anyone else requests.”

When it’s unreasonable and based upon slander and character assassination, sure.

“*I* have to read the massive two page essay you wrote telling me how wrong I am.”

Except you didn’t and if you had bothered to you’d see how I was conceding some points, apologizing over other things. But seeing how the root of your gripe rested upon you thinking I was saying you were at fault in the first place when I didn’t I was saying there was fault on both sides....yeah I think wrong covers it.

“But *you* get to just completely ignore what I wrote because you don't want to read it.”

a) You did the same thing

b) You chose not to read stuff multiple times I did it once because it was distracting from the point and because you were continuing to insult, slander and character assassinate me

“You saying "I don't know what you want" means nothing, because you wouldn't listen to me even if I told you.”

If it was unreasonable then sure.

Wholly conforming to what YOU dictate is not reasonable in the slightest

“Your attempts to "Smooth things over" is insincere. You're not trying to do it to make things better. You're just doing it to get out of trouble.”

I’m not IN any trouble in the first place. I rightly got a warning from the mods. End of story. I chose to try and smooth things over off my own volition.

“So, fine. Go back to the way you were before.”

I’ve been more polite and reasonable with you ever since this whole saga began. Much moreso than you have.

“Getting angry at every single thing.”

Not true but that’s typical of you.

“Insulting me whenever I expressed an opinion you disagree with.”

Our last half dozen interactions have involved me disagreeing with you but not insulting you. So again lying.

“Send me private messages harassing me, and dig up months old conversations because you're pissed off at something else.”

Apologized for that. Did it just 3 times across a year. Owned up to that. haven’t done it since.

And by the way ‘harassment’ in this context amounts to “Here is a quote you made. I’m going to deconstruct it and counterpoint it”

I didn’t send you threats, or insults or bombard you day and night.

“I'm sure that will go super well for you second time around.”

Well I haven’t done that soooooo you are chatting shit.

There.

Now I’ve sworn like you always claim I do.

I responded to both of the above PMs but just said ‘goodbye’ basically.

What I would’ve liked to have said is:

You are not a mind reader RD. I was indeed interested in meeting you half way. You burnt that bridge yourself.

I didn’t want you to abide by anything, I wanted us to talk and come to an understanding, some boundaries with one another we could respect.

You weren’t interested and claiming I demanded you abide by everything is hypocritical seeing as you won’t even agree to mutually break off all contact and yourself demand I conform to your prescribed change in behaviour, which involves owning up to negative traits according to YOU.

You are not a moral arbiter an if you were you wouldn’t be a very good one.

Furthermore you have a humungeous problem seeing the woods for the trees.

You’ve dredged up the idea of meeting half way when I in the above comment made it clear I’m no longer interesting in that. It’s not a topic worth even talking about as it is irrelevent to moving forward.

In fact you’ve ignored so much of what I’ve said, or contorted it or just misread it deliberately I’m wondering if you have some kind of mental disorder.

“ That's you pretending to be reasonable so you could jump on your moral high horse the second I didn't abide by your arbitrary and ever shifting rules. “

That’s a lovely massive extrapolation you’ve got there.

“ You're worse than Dan Slott.”

I’m really not.

I’m not a big shot writer who’s abused my power to hurt a fan.

Second of all if all this allged behaviour of mine (according to you) renders me worse than Slott then you are in the same plague pit with me jerkoff.

“ The fact that you don't see the irony in you expecting people to read and comply with your giant essay long responses, while you won't bother to read a few sentences, speaks volumes, and says everything I need to know about you. Like I said- you're worse than Slott.”

You’re an idiot.

I mean you are severely fucking dumb.

YOU chose multiple times to ignore long posts I wrote.

I do this ONCE because you’ve missed the point and are going off on a tangent attacking my character which isn’t the point (the point was finding an agreement for interactions going forward) and I’m a filthy hypocrite.

Go look in the cracked mirror sunshine.

I mean it wasn’t a few sentences it was 5 loaded paragraphs insulting my character and had little-nothing to do with the meat of the discussion.

And yet even I wouldn’t stoop so low as to claim you are worse than Dan Slott.

Though like him you do disgust me.

#RDMacQ #Catharsis

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ahouseoflies · 6 years

Text

The Best Films of 2018, Part II

Part I is here. Let’s keep it moving. ENDEARING CURIOSITIES WITH BIG FLAWS

103. Zama (Lucretia Martel)- In this movie there's a motif of Zama, an officer of the 18th century Spanish Empire, starting a scene by talking to someone or staring at someone off camera. After a minute or two, the camera cuts to some servant and disorients us. There's a person there, always there, to serve him, and it doesn't really matter who it is. It's a brilliant way to get at the colonialism that the character depends on but is still trapped by. So I get a little bit of what the film is trying to do, but it's boring. I'm an ignorant person who doesn't know how to watch Lucretia Martel's films or have any context for South American history, but I know what boring is. 102. I Feel Pretty (Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein)- I like that Schumer tried something different instead of falling back on her persona, but there isn't enough new or interesting here for me to recommend--besides National Treasure Michelle Williams, of course. The film nearly displays "Do you see that she's turning her back on her real friends now?" on the screen. 101. A Simple Favor (Paul Feig)- At times cheeky and sexy and juicy, but it still wears out its welcome by twists ninety-one and ninety-two. 100. Double Lover (Francois Ozon)- Diverting until it gets silly, then so silly that it gets diverting again. There are about five too many twists, and I'm still unclear on how seriously the film takes any of those twists. More importantly, I don't think there's much of a takeaway from any of it. Ozon seems to have found a real muse in Marine Vacth though. 99. Borg Vs. McEnroe (Janus Metz Pedersen)- As a Shia Pet, I felt obligated to see his portrayal of Johnny Mac. I didn't learn anything that I didn't already know from this mediocre biopic though. Watch the documentary McEnroe/Borg: Fire & Ice instead. 98. Ralph Breaks the Internet (Rich Moore and Phil Johnston)- There's some clever visualization of the the Internet, such as the way that a link shuttles an avatar off in a transparent car or the way that shady newsboy types whisper about pop-up ads. And I liked a lot of the Disney tie-in stuff that critics are wincing at. As far as textbook screenwriting goes, it's great at that idea of making you think that the protagonists will accomplish their goal very easily, only to have them be re-directed to square one. The voice acting is top-notch. Why do these movies get so plotty though? I felt as if the internal logic started getting inconsistent about halfway through--at the same time that the first one got bogged down with candy stuff instead of 8-bit video game stuff. And if there are so many lovable characters from the first entry, why do we get such tiny servings of them here? The movie's too long already, but what I wouldn't give for an occasional cut back to Fix-It Felix raising some kids.

97. We the Animals (Jeremiah Zagar)- The Tree of Life is one of my favorite movies, and on its face, We the Animals is a really similar impressionistic memory. So why do I like it half as much? Are lighting and music that important? Is Jessica Chastain? Is latent racism? All I know is that this felt like a story I had seen before pitched at the same intensity for a running time I was happy to see expire. 96. Kodachrome (Mark Raso)- The three leads are all pretty good. (Ed Harris does this bashful, pulling-on-his-eyelid thing that killed me.) But with mathematical precision, the film matched each element I liked with another thing that infuriated me. Specifically, the whole plot hinges on one scene, and that scene is preposterous and alien to human behavior. 95. Deadpool 2 (David Leitch)- The pacing of these movies is bizarre to me; they're half-over before they really get started. No one else is bothered by the fact that Cable has no motivation or backstory for the first hour? Some of the connections to X-Men felt more forced this time around, but I thought this entry was much funnier than the first, even mixing in some more subtle visual gags. (The exotic locales montage ending in Biloxi really got me.) I have to give credit to the X-Force parachute sequence, which is audacious and unexpected. And clear out for Zazie Beetz, who is a huge star in the making. 94. At Eternity’s Gate (Julian Schnabel)- Something about Van Gogh was essentially unknowable, which is a great reason to make a movie about him and a terrible reason to make a movie about him. I'm not sure that Julian Schnabel got to the bottom of the man any better than anyone else has, though maybe that's an unfair expectation. To his credit, Schnabel yada-yadas the ear business and Van Gogh's death in favor of his more poetic understanding of the artistic life. The movie doesn't coalesce for me, but there's a banger of a scene between Dafoe and Mads Mikkelsen about the responsibility an artist has toward God. That short nested inside makes the whole thing worth seeing. The conversation I had afterwards with one of the two other people in the theater, an art historian, was a solid three stars. 93. Bohemian Rhapsody (Bryan Singer)- Some biographical movies do a good job of compressing time, and their supporting characters don't feel sacrificed or glossed over. For many other mediocre ones though, including this one, I submit the Three Scene Rule. Three scenes is kind of the minimum for a character to register an arc and for an actor to present any kind of dynamic performance, so in a lot of these true story movies, that's all that a supporting character gets. If you're looking for it, it's glaring. (Watch Hidden Figures again with the husband and boyfriend characters in mind. I'll wait.) This movie has a few characters that matter: Freddie Mercury, obvs; the other Queen members; Paul Prenter, the unfairly composited villain; and Mary Austin, the platonic love of Mercury's life. The movie spends way too much time on her, as if to tease the audience with the idea that Freddie might be straight. As for everyone else? Three scenes. Ray Foster, the record executive played by Mike Myers (!): A. "Look, guys, I like formulas. This opera stuff you're talking about? That sounds crazy." B. "The opera stuff is crazy. I ain't making that the single. You can walk out of here for all I care." C. [hangs head in shame after being proven wrong] Jim Hutton, Freddie's partner for the seven years this movie doesn't care about: A. "Look, pal, I may be a waiter, but you can't just grab me like that. On second thought, let's talk. You should learn how to love yourself." B. "Oh, hey. Glad you tracked me down, slugger. You love yourself now? Sure, let's go meet your parents." C. "Guess I'm your boyfriend now. Looking forward to the show." Freddie's Parents: A. "You go out every night! What are you doing out there? Why can't you be a good boy? What's up with your new name?" B. "Why can't you be a good boy? What's up with your new name?" C. "You're a good boy, I guess, even if you're gay. Guess that's your name for real." I like the idea of reproducing the Live Aid performance in full, and the movie comes alive during its musical sequences. But I wish that the same attention given to, like, the number of Pepsi cups on the piano was also given to the nuts and bolts of the storytelling.

92. The Predator (Shane Black)- I get why other people don't like this. The final fourth feels obligatory, and it seems cut to the verge of incoherence. But if you don't get a little tingle out of a game cast saying Shane Black things like, "Predators don't just sit around making hats out of rib cages," then we are very different moviegoers.

91. Sorry to Bother You (Boots Riley)- I admire Boots Riley's ambition, the way he's taking many of the ideas that drove his music and channeling them into film. But there are too many ideas and, strangely, too much plot to cohere. I liked some of the jokes, especially the Robocop-py TV clips laced throughout. I think my main problem, however, is Lakeith Stanfield as Cassius. He's a fascinating actor, but his energy is completely wrong for an everyman lead like this. I don't think he was the right choice to carry it. 90. Thoroughbreds (Cory Finley)- The repartee at the beginning is sharp, and there are some engaging elements of style. God knows I've never complained about rich, sad, nubile brunettes with strange eyes. But there are pieces missing in that forest-for-the-trees way that happens sometimes with debuts. Like, how do these privileged girls not have access to a gun when our national nightmare is based on all young people having access to guns? Or what is the exact motivation behind the crime at the center? Lots of great characters have been spurred by a violent curiosity, but a zinger here and there doesn't make these girls Raskolnikov. 89. White Boy Rick (Yann DeMange)- Even if this isn't it, I think Yann Demange has a great film in him. There's some urgency to White Boy Rick's politics, and it looks interesting. If nothing else, it succeeds in making the surroundings seem as gloomy as the characters all acknowledge them to be. But this isn't a great film in either of its halves. It's motivated by plot until a crucial event that I don't want to reveal, then it veers much more into character. I would normally sign off on that, but this movie grinds to a halt in the change and never recovers. McConaughey pulls his weight, but Richie Merritt is pretty bad in the lead. 88. The Strangers: Prey at Night (Johannes Roberts)- Despite some striking images and a welcome lack of explanation for the menace, Prey at Night doesn't reach the heights of its predecessor, mostly because the characters are too paint-by-numbers. 87. Ant-Man and the Wasp (Peyton Reed)- Probably the first Marvel movie that would benefit from more action. Some of the material is genuinely funny thanks to Michael Pena and Randall Park, but I got a little drowsy during the middle hour of talk about phase-shifting and the quantum realm. Get back to making things big or making things little, Dr. Molecule! 86. Creed II (Steven Caple Jr.)- The pieces are there, but it's a problem when Jim Lampley, who has one hundred times as many lines as the fifth lead, explains to the audience what they literally saw an hour earlier. If nothing else, this movie proves, through his absence, how good of a director Ryan Coogler is. I would be lying if I said I didn't get the chills at some key moments. Stallone’s performance and Jordan's muscles are good. But there was a dark, honest way for this movie to end, and it went directly against that ending into something more Hollywood. 85. Let the Sunshine In (Claire Denis)- Like Taxi Driver if Travis Bickle just wanted the guy to get him a glass of water afterwards. The film does have that kind of myopic focus--the sexy, ever-candid Binoche is in every scene--but it's far more elliptical, progressing only through character, never through plot. Let the Sunshine In is unique in a way that is different from Denis's other unique works: No one talks like an actual person, and she acts as if you should know all of the characters instead of properly introducing them. It's not supposed to be funny ha-ha, so excuse me if that's what I wanted.

84. Revenge (Coralie Fargeat)- like the style of this film, the color palette, the synth score, how far it's willing to go with the gore. But if it's called Revenge, and it's clear who the hero is (hint: not the rapist), then the whole thing feels like a fait accompli. We know exactly who's going to be the last woman standing, and we even know the order of the people she's going to kill.

PRETTY GOOD MOVIES 83. The Rider (Chloe Zhao)- This movie is trying to be a poem, but the parts I like the most are prose. It's a promising piece of filmmaking with heartbreaking moments, but I found it most effective when the storytelling spelled things out. It's an all-hands-on-deck independent film, so the amateurism of the piece shines through in the performances from non-professional actors. The relationship between Brady and his autistic sister is interesting because she speaks with that sarcastic cadence that can be learned from only children's programming. It's unlike what we usually see because, you know, she's a non-professional actor and real autistic person. So what do I know? 82. Unfriended: Dark Web (Stephen Susco)- Pretty tight from a storytelling standpoint and definitely grisly enough to get under the skin. But these laptop flicks move with such alacrity that it's hard to believe them whenever they ask you to buy something like love, since they paint it with the broadest strokes imaginable. Not that I would want a two-hour version of this anyway. 81. Juliet, Naked (Jesse Peretz)- Charming enough, arriving at a more realistic place than I expected, Juliet, Naked does nothing to make me revoke my charter membership in the Rose Byrne fan club. What an odd shape this film has though. The inciting incident happens at the hour mark, and it races obligatorily to an ending at an hour, thirty-seven. 80. Ocean’s Eight (Gary Ross)- It sets its marks and hits them adequately, with most of the charm that made the other Ocean movies fun. But there's something lifeless about Ocean's 8, both in the direction and the score. Take, for example, Richard Armitage's bland, sort of lost performance as an old flame/mark. It's such a nothing part that I began to think that it was a thesis: The men are just chess pieces, and they shouldn't take attention away from the women this time. But then James Corden emerges in the last half-hour and shines. So maybe Armitage was just bad and directed poorly? This movie exists for the Movie Star interplay though, and it delivers on that level. Cate Blanchett was good for so long that she's popular, and Sandra Bullock was popular for so long that she's good. Rihanna has to dress like a janitor at one point as a disguise, and she proves how absurd it would be for her to ever blend in. Anne Hathaway is the funniest of the bunch, balancing on a highwire of how big she's supposed to seem. Helena Bonham Carter gets the "and" hammer for all my credit fetishists. 79. Mary Poppins Returns (Rob Marshall)- I saw this on Christmas night with my family. The original Mary Poppins was the first movie my mom ever saw in theaters, and it's probably my wife's favorite. To the extent that insulting it is kind of insulting an important part of who she is. So I couldn't be the guy coming out of the theater like, "The Bankses definitely deserved to lose their house." Between you and me though, it's just fine. Entire sequences could be cut without damaging anything--do we ever come back to the bowl that Meryl Steep is supposed to be mending?--and most of the conflict feels manufactured. These legasequels always end up feeling like boxes being checked. We all know that the guys with the cannon had to come back, right? But some of the numbers are so joyful or stirring that even this grinch snuck a few smiles at his daughter as she pointed to the screen and said, "That's so silly." It's a good movie to see on Christmas night with your whole family. 78. RBG (Betsy West, Julie Cohen)- This movie is designed to make the viewer who would seek it out go, "What an American hero." It does that, I suppose, and there isn't a whole lot wrong with it. Yes, she is a very impressive person. But the film has too much untapped potential and too few teeth to recommend beyond that rubric of achieving its goals. For example, what about half of the population that would sneer at the notion that Ruth Bader Ginsburg is an American hero? Besides the inclusion of some radio clips over the credits, the filmmakers aren't concerned. "Look, she was friends with a conservative!"

77. Searching (Aneesh Shaganty)- Since I've seen thousands of movies that don't take place inside of a computer, there's still some novelty to the handful that do. On one hand, there are four or five twists too many, and the film isn't consistent with its own rules. On the other hand, it gets intriguingly dark for PG-13, and it never stops moving. 76. Uncle Drew (Charles Stone III)- The attitude toward women is retrograde, and to call the plot cookie-cutter would be an understatement. But this works, mostly because of the sunny, natural performances. Kyrie Irving, whose handles are even more of a marvel on a forty-foot screen, has to act through pounds of makeup, but he pulls it off. With only commercials to his name, he has to carry scenes of, like, standing at someone's grave and apologizing, and he has the presence and confidence to do it. I also should mention that Nick Kroll has a nothing-to-lose, galaxy brain performance for which probably zero of the lines were written ahead of time. "Shout-out to Oberto, shout-out to Aleve, the number one pain reliever in the game right now." I have to extend some of the credit here to Charles Stone III, who has made a calling card out of coaxing performances from newcomers. 75. Christopher Robin (Marc Forster)- Cute. 74. Unsane (Steven Soderbergh)- What seems to be a B-movie hitting its marks gets elevated by one fantastic scene that makes it seem timely and vital. I can't help but think Steven Soderbergh is punching below his weigh class though. I'm glad that an experiment like shooting a movie with an iPhone gets him up in the morning, and I know he doesn't want to make another Traffic or Out of Sight. But maybe, here's an idea, audiences might? 73. 22 July (Paul Greengrass)- The first thirty minutes are harrowing, in part because of their disciplined cross-cutting and Anders Danielsen Lie's chilling stoicism. The mistake that Greengrass makes is thinking that, later on, the three strands of story are equal in importance. He cuts away from the court case at its apex to see a kid trying to walk again or a prime minister demanding that his administration get tougher. Some moments are powerful, and Greengrass's composition and editing have mercifully softened, but this becomes a grind at a certain point. 72. Solo: A Star Wars Story (Ron Howard)- I hate to state the obvious, but this feels like multiple movies stitched together because that's exactly what it is. On one hand, we have the foggy opening, featuring an airtight inciting incident and setting up Emilia Clarke as that rarest of things in a Star Wars movie: a character with unclear motivations. But as the film goes on, it reveals why Han doesn't work as a protagonist. (Ehrenreich is bad, but the storytelling sinks the movie more than his performance does.) Everyone else in the movie drips with charisma and comments on the action while Han is left to connect the dots. In other words, the other characters get to be Han Solo, and Han Solo doesn't. By the time we get to the marauders, past the two hour mark of a movie that shouldn't have been more than two hours, the narrative crumbles under its own weight. These movies are way too competent to fail--I can list five or six moments that transcend the flaws--but each of these origin stories has a way of erasing the myth of Star Wars with a pen. 71. Bird Box (Susanne Bier)- This is a genre film that you've seen before in one way or another, so your expectations (and filmgoing experience even?) will dictate what you think of it. There's a metaphorical reading available, but that doesn't make the picture more artful automatically. Trevante Rhodes is a Movie Star. Here's what I can tell you: We need to appreciate John Gavin Malkovich while we can. Delivering the apotheosis of the selfish dickhead survivor character, he a) asks why the group can't stay in the grocery store forever, b) points shotguns at people when they try to let in strangers, c) drinks as he's telling people matter-of-factly that this is the end of the world, and d) (sort of) explains why he is the way he is. And-he-does-it-all-with-the-deliberate-cadence-that-you-are-doing-in-your-HEAD-right-NOW. I'm not saying the guy should win Best Supporting Actor or anything, but I admire his career more than any that would get a Best Supporting Actor.

#film #lists #movie reviews

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wendip-week · 6 years

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Wendip Week 2018, Part 2: Typical Pines Luck

Hey guys, sorry for not posting these here during Wendip week. Let me give you a run-down of the background: I made my Wendip Week in context of the Kamen Rider Weird series I’m writing, which takes place in the future of SuperGroverAway’s universe (with ddp456 influence….yes, I had permission from them both). As a result, the main characters - including Phoebe, their daughter - from my series are co-hosts for this week. I’ll post more of Wendip Week here, but for those of you who want to read the main story, follow me on fanfiction.net or leave a guest review. Now, then, here’s part 2 of Wendip Week 2018:

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“Let’s play a game, Phoebe.” Ken sat up in his chair straight. “I’m going to give you a prompt, and you say a phrase at a time to answer the prompt.”

“I’m motivated more by curiosity than anything else.” Phoebe said, slowly sitting up herself. “Shoot.”

Ken snorted mischievously. “You know you’re a Pines when…”

Phoebe leaned back. “You deal with the paranormal?”

Ken shook his head. “Could be Scooby-Doo.”

“You visit Oregon every year?”

“Your grandparents don’t….”

Phoebe thought for a second. “Things just go wrong for no reason?”

Ken leaned back. “There we go. Now from what I hear, Wendy learned this lesson in a pretty wacky way.”

Phoebe rolled her eyes. “Try to be more specific, she probably learned this about twelve times in her life.”

“Well, ok, then…she one day learned just how deep it runs in the family lore…”

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Wendy sighed as she cut the last of the branches off the dying tree, save the one she was on. Being an arborist for the Parks department definitely had its perks - being in nature, climbing fifty feet into the air, using the skills she was born with. But every so often she had to admit that dealing with a fir that had to be cut down was grueling work. For safety reasons, some of the branches of this one were deemed as necessary to cut off before the tree itself could be dealt with - it had taken up her entire day. But at least it was done now…time for her to call it in and go home.

With that she picked up her walkie-talkie and spoke into it. “Ground team, I’m done here. Get the buzzsaws ready.”

“Roger that, Corduroy, we’ll have it set up.”

With that, Wendy did what she had done a few thousand times in her life - she undid her belt, looped it around the trunk, and began walking down.

Her leisurely descent was interrupted by an unwelcome sound - the buzzing of a saw cutting through wood right below her. A sinking feeling emerged in her chest as she pulled her walkie-talkie up and asked. “Smith, what are you doing? I’m still up here!”

“Oh nuts, they must have misunderstood me when I said be ready - they already began chopping. Hang on - fellas, stop! She’s still up there! What do you mean you - oh no.”

“Smith…” Wendy radioed in. “What’s happening?”

“Wendy, it’s stuck! They got it stuck, in the trunk, and they can’t turn it off! The saw is just freely cutting into the tree. There’s no way around it - she’s going down!”

As if on cue, Wendy felt the weight of the trunk shift to the right, fully aware that in three seconds she would be in freefall. As she saw another tree nearby, she moaned, “Oh man, I’m gonna regret this.” She loosened the belt buckle ever so slightly, took out her hatchet and aimed at the other tree.

“Just about…NOW!” She pushed off the trunk with her legs, the loosened belt being completely undone as she hurtled towards the other tree hatchet-first. The hatchet dragged down a full five feet of the bark before finally being embedded in and halting her descent.

The radio buzzed “Don’t worry, chief, we’ll get you down.” Still, she couldn’t help but have a single thought; this has never happened before…

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She fingered the phone in her hands, scrolling through her contacts to find someone to talk to about the day. Her fingers hovered above Dipper’s name, but realized her boyfriend would be too panicky. His mom too. Mabel and her own friends would have the opposite problem because she came out OK. Eventually she landed on the one person she knew longer than some of the rest - and, although she loathed to admit it, had been a mentor once or twice before.

She heard the crockety old man’s voice respond on the other end. “Wendy? What in the blazes are you calling me for?”

Wendy sighed. “Well, Stan, to be honest, I need someone to give their honest opinion. Something strange happened today.” She explained her physical trials from that day. “It should not have been possible.”

After a pause, she heard Stan laughing on the other end. Wendy frowned. “Mr. Pines, how can you think this is funny?”

“No, it’s not that….it’s just…it’s finally affecting you…”

“What is?”

“You and the squirt are engaged now, right?”

Wendy looked at the engagement ring on her finger. “Yeah, it’s been a few weeks. What’s your point?”

“I love the little guy, I really do, but he has the worst luck on Earth! The monsters, the dates…heck, I remember when he pelted you in the eye with a baseball! You finally are part of the family if you’re getting the Pines luck!”

Wendy felt a chill down her spine. “Oh, boy…listen, can you not tell Dipper about this?”

Stan just replied, “What’s that, the connection is loose - ” and hung up.

“Stan, I - dang it!” Wendy stowed her phone in frustration, fully aware of how her fiancee would take this.

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“Your gregrunle is a jerk,” Ken chuckled.

“Yeah, well, tell me something I don’t know,” Phoebe rolled her eyes. “Still, doesn’t change the fact that when Mom visited Dad a week later to have a date night and plan the wedding a bit..”

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“Hey, I’m here…Dipper?”

Dipper looked up from his work on the table and hastily started closing books. “Oh, hey Wendy, I…woah, I lost track of time, heh heh…” He began gathering things in his arm to hastily put them away.

“You alright, man? This seems like your, well, itchy mode.” Wendy lightly teased.

Dipper honestly answered “Well… somewhat, but…”

Unfortunately for him, at that particular moment two Journals fells out of the pile of books and opened to clearly marked pages. Wendy had already seen the first one before - Journal One’s entry on unicorn hair. Which made it all the more suspect that Journal Four opened to a page on countercurses.

Dipper chuckled weakly. “Busted, huh?”

“You bet, man.” Wendy sat down next to him. “This about the accident last week? I’m fine, I swear.”

Dipper groaned. “I know you are, but…it feels like you’re inheriting the family’s bad luck. My proclivity to get into danger, Mabel’s dating history prior to meeting Mel, Ford’s thirty years of dimension-hopping…there’s some common link behind it, some string of bad luck. I was looking for a way to break it after hearing that it passed on to you. I mean, I just….why?” He buried his face into his hands.

Wendy gave Dipper a supportive pat on the back. “Come on, Dipper, you’re smarter than that. You mean to tell me just now you learned I’m infected?”

Dipper looked up. “What?”

Wendy held up the still-open Journal Number One. “Having to fight unicorns.” She dropped it, saw Journal Number Three on the table, and flipped it to the page about the bunker security system. “Nearly being squashed by moving pillars in an underground room.” She concluded by opening to a page Dipper had added about the now defunct Society of the Blind Eye. “early forgetting who I am.” Dropping all of these, she then looked Dipper straight in the eye. “All within a few months of meeting you, before I was even sixteen. The truth is, I started getting into bad situations immediately after meeting you and Mabel.”

Dipper looked at her. “And you’re saying you’re OK with that?”

Wendy smiled. “I chose to be in each of those situations. And every day, every month, every year I spent with you, I knew that I was inviting the same choice, and I would give the same answer. Because you know what? That’s only half of Pines luck.”

“Really?” Dipper perked up a bit. “What’s the other?”

“Knowing that you’ll get out of it okay. Because you’re a Pines.” Wendy flashed him the engagement ring she had accepted some time ago before continuing. “And when I become one, I’ll have that same faith because my guy will always have my back when I need it most. So stop worrying about it until it happens, ok?” She waited for his answer, wondering if the poor guy would be able to turn off the anxiety that always seemed to exist in his mind.

Dipper’s brain, however, was filled with more than that. It looked at the woman who was his fiancee and remembered the night he had given her the ring. All the craziness of wolves attacking and yet she stood by him, without even a trace of doubt when she accepted his proposal afterwards. How many times did he survive simply because she was there? It was with this mindset that he pulled her in for a hug. “You really are the best, you know that?”

Wendy laughed as she returned the hug and pecked him on the cheek. “Yeah, yeah, your lumberjack queen and all.” As they broke it up, she replied, “How about we cut the sappy stuff for now and watch another B-rated horror film?”

Dipper grinned. “That’s not even a question, is it?”

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“So, riddle me this” Ken got up to stretch a bit. “Did Stan tell him specifically to get them to have this conversation?”

Phoebe shrugged. “It’s not his style, but honestly? The whole family loved playing matchmaker with those two.”

“Even after they found him a find, caught her a catch?” Ken grinned.

Phoebe shook her head in disappointment. “Worst excuse and method to spring a Fiddler on the Roof reference. Ever. Of all time.”

#wendip #Typical Pines luck #Wendy Corduroy #Dipper Pines #Gravity Falls #WenDipWeek #fanfic #older!Wendip #older!Dipper #older!Wendy #submission #wendipweek #wendip week #wendy x dipper #dipperxwendy #gravity falls #dipper pines #wendy corduroy

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yallreddieforthis · 7 years

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I Can’t Believe It’s Not Richie

Fandom: It (2017)

Pairing: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier

Rating: T (for language)

Words: 2.7k

Pre-relationship. Movie canon-compliant but not book. Also posted on AO3

It seems impossible that a person can be both that shitty and the shit at the same time but like...it’s Richie. And since Richie doesn’t give a single fuck about following any kind of rules, Eddie guesses the ones that govern Eddie’s emotions don’t apply to him either. Greaaaat.

Sometimes Eddie can't believe it's Richie.

Maybe even most of the time, like when everything out of his mouth is your mom and my wang and it's just words, it's not even funny, and Eddie can only tune him out or try to talk over him. Richie cannot shut the fuck up for one goddamn second. And it's not even like Eddie can pin it to anything specific—like, oh, Richie talks more when he's angry or nervous or excited—because he does it when he's every one of those things and any other thing besides. The tone may change—the subject matter even—but the talking. Never. Stops.

Eddie doesn’t really consider himself a beacon of cultural knowledge, but he does own a TV. So he at least has a vague idea of what a British person might sound like, which is more than he can say for Richie. Richie also owns a TV, and yet his British Guy impression is so god-awful that Eddie has to assume he’s basing it on someone’s description of a fever dream they once had about a London street urchin from the eighteen hundreds. This only applies to the actual words though, not the pronunciation—which is pretty much indistinguishable from just Richie being Richie—and that’s across the board for all the voices, not just the British Guy. For someone who loves imitating other people as much as Richie does, it’s unbelievable how remarkably all his Guys sound like they’re from Derry, Maine. Because shouting out mangled phrases he half-remembers from the time he watched Mary Poppins six years ago—in the most American voice imaginable—is still somehow Richie’s interpretation of a British accent.

That isn’t even the worst part of The Voices though. The worst part is that Richie seems to have a sixth sense that alerts him to the exact moment at which it would most infuriate Eddie for him to do one, and invariably it’s as if a little light goes off in the least-developed part of his brain that says Time To Be Italian! (or Southern, or German—he has a constantly expanding, but not noticeably improving, repertoire) and it’s like he just has to do it right then. Sometimes it makes Eddie want to scream at him. Sometimes Eddie does scream at him. But screaming makes no difference; Eddie knows perfectly well that Richie will absolutely do it again the second the urge strikes him, no matter how inappropriate the timing or what Eddie does in reaction.

He's fucking gross too. Not necessarily grosser than the rest of them, but he certainly subscribes to the teenage boy brand of hygiene that dictates that he only really has to shower when Eddie finally shoves him away with a you smell like a sweaty nutsack. Of course then Richie inches closer and it's all how would you know, huh? and Eddie has to be like because I have nuts too, dipshit, and if you never wash them you'll—

And then all his warnings about bacteria and fungal infections are drowned out in the your mom and my wang and vague, half-heard rumors Richie repeats about people from school that Eddie knows aren't true, and he's pretty sure Richie doesn't even believe himself. Fuck him and his terrible, nasty-ass jokes.

Some days he thinks Richie purposely doesn't shower specifically so that he can torment Eddie with his unbearable boy stank. Or how he'll like, step in dog shit and just sort of shrug and wipe the sole of his shoe in the grass and then keep going with whatever he was doing like he's not literally tracking shit everywhere. If Eddie were to step in dog shit—which he wouldn't because he watches where he's going like a sane person—it would bring his entire day to a screeching halt. He gets that he's in the minority when it comes to these kinds of things, but he doesn't get why.

And then Richie has the audacity to suggest that Eddie's just as bad as the rest of them—when he says things like you’re convinced your shit doesn't stink, or it’s the smell of your own breath wafting back in your face—like he thinks Eddie is kind of gross too. Which shouldn't bother him, but it does. Somewhere very, very deep down in his gut he has a nagging suspicion as to why that might possibly be, but he's hell-bent on ignoring it at least until the inevitable destruction of the planet Earth, if not even longer. And that’s going like...pretty well for him. Reasonably well. Maybe a little less well than it used to be, but he's almost fourteen now and he thinks he should probably have a solid handle on the whole thing within the next couple of years.

But even if Richie wasn't either of those things—annoying, disgusting—there's nothing really exceptional that he is. It's not like he's a genius; the gigantic, goofy glasses make him look smarter than he actually is, and he gives as few shits about school as he does about anything else. Eddie is sure that Mrs. Tozier has never been to a parent-teacher conference where she didn’t hear the phrase if he only applied himself, and he’s equally sure that every one of the teachers who said it knew that they were wasting their breath. If Mrs. Tozier—or anyone else—stood even the slightest chance of motivating Richie to care about pre-algebra, there would have been upward mobility in his GPA long before now. Eddie has to assume he does at least some homework—if for no other reason than because he hasn’t been held back yet—but as far as he can tell, Richie bent over a textbook at home is a sight as yet unwitnessed by mankind.

Richie’s not athletic either—by any definition of the word—at least not until they decide to make Competitive Talking an Olympic sport. He’s really good on his bike, but that’s a skill he developed out of practicality because the alternative is being stuck walking all over Derry, and it’s not like being able to ride a bike is something to brag about because even Eddie can do that. But Richie’s not a fast runner. He can’t do a push-up unless it’s the kind that only count as push-ups when girls do them, knees on the ground. He can’t even throw a spitball into a trash can from three feet away (his performance in the Rock War against Bowers and his goons was a crazy, adrenaline-fueled exception)—and like, okay, the bad aim can probably be chalked up to his horrendous eyesight, but even beyond that there’s this general, overall lack of coordination. Eddie has what amounts to a universal pass that effectively excuses him from participating in PE for his entire school career, so he’s never been physically present for what goes down on the yard, but he can pretty much piece it together from the scrapes and bruises all over Richie’s arms and legs. It doesn’t matter what unit they’re on—dodgeball, baseball, soccer, tetherball—Richie plays only one position: target.

He doesn’t fare any better in the kind of extracurriculars that teachers and parents care about, like music. Richie is an aggressively bad singer—a fact Eddie is forcibly reminded of every time anyone has a birthday because Richie always makes a point of sandwiching Eddie between himself and someone who won’t run away (usually the birthday kid’s mom) while he belts out an eardrum-shattering rendition of Happy Birthday at the top of his lungs. Richie seems to interpret birthday party invitations as personal challenges for him to sing louder and worse, challenges he has so far risen to spectacularly on every occasion. The song gets longer each time too, because he never forgets to include Frankenstein on channel nine and the big fat lady on channel eighty and whatever new, ruder verses he’s scrounged up out of nowhere between the last birthday party and this one. Richie’s singing is actually one of the most obnoxious things about him, in Eddie’s opinion, which is really saying something.

He is so unrestrainedly, deliberately awful that Eddie could honestly imagine some idiot adult who doesn’t know Richie listening to him screech the chorus of Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go over and over in Eddie’s ear (the newest sabotage tactic he’s been deploying at the arcade to try to make Eddie lose at Street Fighter) and thinking wow, maybe that kid actually has a beautiful singing voice but doesn’t want anyone to know because he’s worried people will make fun of him. They would be wrong, of course, because even when he’s not actively trying to suck, Richie can’t sing for shit. Eddie doesn’t have to know anything about music to be able to tell that Richie’s real singing voice—the one he almost never uses—is flat and off-key. And forget about instruments because whenever someone makes the mistake of letting him get his hands on one, he immediately tries to shove it down his pants—or worse, Eddie’s pants—and pretend it’s a wang.

There’s art—and Eddie has noticed that being a really good artist can absolve someone of the sin of sucking at everything else. Bill, for example, is talented enough with watercolor pencils that if he drew people’s attention to his sketches, he could probably get away with not knowing how to write a half-decent thesis statement or multiply fractions (even though Bill does know how to do those things) because people would just affix the tortured artist label to him and stop giving him shit about the stutter. And Richie actually draws a lot—probably as much as Bill if it’s purely a question of quantity over quality—it’s just that the only things he seems to be interested in drawing are dicks, and the places he chooses to draw them are all technically the property of the Derry Public School District. Also, his fine motor skills are at least as bad as his gross ones, because his handwriting looks the way his singing voice sounds, and the dicks he draws make Eddie question if Richie has ever even looked in his own pants before.

And yet, despite all of the incontrovertible evidence that Richie is actually a walking disaster, there are other times that Eddie can't believe it’s not Richie to everyone else. Or even like anyone else.

It could be argued that it’s almost inevitable due to the sheer volume of jokes he tells, but every so often Richie will get one absolutely, unassailably right. His timing, his word choice—the heavens open, the planets align, and suddenly everybody around him is laughing so hard they can't breathe, Eddie included. His eyes usually end up watering when it happens, but he squints through them to look at Richie because in those moments, Richie glows like nothing else. He tries to act like it isn’t a big deal that everyone is pissing themselves from whateverthefuck he just blurted out of his incessantly flapping mouth hole, but Eddie can tell how thrilled he is when people actually find him funny. It's happening more and more often nowadays, enough so that Eddie sometimes wonders if maybe Richie is wasting his time at school after all. And who needs sports or music or art anyway?

And he could be a whole lot worse about Eddie’s germ thing if he wanted to be, like how some people give him hell about the pills and the inhaler and the hand washing. Richie doesn’t have detergent hands but he sure as shit will mouth off to anybody who gives Eddie a hard time about his. He can’t say Richie doesn’t at least try to look out for him, in his own weird way. Or Bill, or Stan, or Mike, or any of them. It causes more trouble than it’s worth more often than not, especially because Richie doesn’t have any discernable muscle with which to back up his shit-talking, so it probably would honestly be better if he would just like...not. But Eddie can’t really help appreciating it all the same.

But the hardest thing to ignore about Richie—and Eddie wouldn’t admit this to anyone, even under threat of death by clown—is that his memories of what Richie did for him over the summer have become a kind of personal, private shield against fear. They all try to avoid thinking about It as much as they reasonably can (which isn’t much; it’s not like you just go and forget about the time you and all your friends climbed down a haunted well so you could almost get eaten by a demon clown in the sewers), but Eddie’s positive he isn’t the only one who lies awake at night when the sound of his own pounding heartbeat is making him too nauseous to sleep.

The lights are off because it’s almost worse when they’re on. Maybe if he can’t see It coming, it’ll just eat him real fast and get it over with before he even knows what hit him. Still, he doesn’t want to die—instantly is preferable to slowly, but even better is not at all. So he’s developed a set of dozens of little rules for himself to follow—like no turning over, no breathing too deeply, no limbs outside the covers, no long, slow blinks (quick ones are okay; otherwise it’s eyes all the way closed or all the way open). Realistically he knows that not a single one of these rules means jack shit to anyone outside his own brain, but somehow no-ing himself into what amounts to a vegetative state eventually bores him to sleep. Okay, usually it does. More like occasionally. Actually it’s only worked like twice, but whatever. He’ll take what he can get at this point.

Sometimes Eddie thinks he has it worse than anyone else. Well, maybe not worse than Bill. But the rest of them—he isn’t sure if any of them can really understand exactly how fucking useless he felt down in that god-forsaken lair with his arm in a cast. Bill and Beverly were awesome, Mike was like a goddamn soldier, Stan was great after he’d finished crying and even Ben, who Eddie basically thinks of as the most inoffensive kid on the planet, was tough as balls. And Eddie felt like a worthless piece of shit. He hates his arm for being broken, and he hates his nightmares for always including the broken arm. It’s coming at him—just him—and his arm is hanging limply and there’s not a goddamn thing he can do—

And that’s where Richie comes in. Only when he thinks about Richie bitching Bill out for getting them all into this shit situation while inching toward the mountain of broken toys, Richie grabbing a baseball bat and saying now I’m going to have to kill this fucking clown...only then does the terror that surrounds him all through the night start to ease up.

And then he thinks a little further back about when he fell through the floor and broke his arm in the first place, about how all his friends were crowding him and freaking the fuck out, and Richie just looked at his arm and said he was going to set the break and snapped his bone back into place while Eddie shrieked at him to do not fucking touch me. Just like, grabbed his arm where it was dangling the wrong way and fucking did it.

Sometimes… Sometimes Eddie is positive that if It were to show up in his house on any given night, Richie would immediately come crashing through his bedroom window, swinging a baseball bat. Because somehow Richie would know if It returned, would know It was coming for Eddie, would show up in time. He’d show up and keep his shit together while Eddie couldn’t. He’d probably sometimes miss with the bat, but Eddie kind of suspects that it wouldn’t matter. Richie would stand between Eddie and It and just sort of suck all the scary out of the room with his endless, pointless trash-talking. And when Eddie thinks about it that way, it’s like you know what? Screw John McClane; Richie Tozier is Eddie’s hero.

And then Richie sticks his sweaty armpit in Eddie’s face and goddamn it Eddie can’t believe it’s Richie.

#it (2017)#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #my fics #pre-relationship #the greater fool #sorry i'm an old person and it took me a million years to figure out how to post fics on tumblr

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CAIR 29: Interview Blake Nubar - Get A GRIP on Your Business Numbers

One simple hack to increase your revenue. In this episode we discuss how to increase your revenue through your business numbers.

Grant Hi everybody this is Grant Welcome to another episode of ClickAI Radio. In this episode, I have the opportunity to discuss with the infamous Blake nubar on how to get a grip on your business numbers.

Everybody, welcome to another episode of click AI radio. This is Grant Larsen, I cannot tell you how excited I am today to have a visitor here with me someone that I've been dying to interview for a long time. I have really admired this man and what he's done. Blake nubar.

Blake I appreciate you having me here, man. It's a pleasure. I'm ready to have some fun and and thanks for having me on the podcast.

Grant Thanks for taking the time to do this. You know, I've chased you for some time, right? Just keep trying to track you down wherever you are on the planet, right? Trying to get a moment of your time. But thanks so much for doing that. In fact, I was remembering the first time that I met you. I happen to actually be sitting right next to you, right. And it was at a funnel hacking live. And I think it might have been the first one that I ever went to. And I'm sitting next to you. And we're just chatting for a minute. And then you were so humble all sudden, they're like, Blake nubar, please come up to the front. They call yell, I'm like what the heck, you had won this award for everything you've done to the business. How cool is that?

Blake Yeah, it was wild, I would award the growth on that thing was insane. Actually, that was on the product. And that was really cool. And yeah, I remember sitting next to you specifically. And I was like, Wait, are you Steve's Dad?

And you're like, yeah, I'm Steve's dad. I'm like, man, he talks about you all the time. Like in such an awesome way. It's fine. Nice to meet you. So, ya know, collecting the first is my first time walking across stage getting the the two comma club award. And that was done with an online business that it was called the b2b formula. I was working with a guy named Brian page on that. We kind of started that thing from ground zero type thing. Brian had a he had a course out really. But you know, wasn't making sales didn't know what a funnel was. All that good stuff. And we kind of like teamed up, you know, and we found each other through this thing. We started building this thing out. And you know, next thing you know, by implementing funnels and getting the right traffic sources in place. We did a million dollars in 43 days with that offer. And we were there at that funnel hacking live collecting that award that was actually here in Orlando, Florida, I believe, which is funny enough, because it's back here again, this year in 2021. Which should be exciting. So yeah, that that was a it was an exhilarating experience. A lot of crazy stuff happened. But on all Yeah, crazy to like help grow a business like that.

Grant I think about how you got started, I've heard a little bit of your origin story. But could you just take a moment to talk about how did you get started into this? Yeah, so

Blake Um, that my whole online journey and my funnel journey is different. My funnel journey is probably more applicable for this. So I was working in the nine to five, I was working in a fitness company. And we were working on building out this certification program for people that want to become personal trainers. If you want to become a personal trainer, you had to pass this exam. It's just like a standardized thing that you have to do. I don't know if it varies from state to state, maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. But we're building out the certification. And we want to like really go all in on this thing. So we spent we like really transformed how a training program should be. And we like we finished this thing. Like, it was crazy worth like nine months on this thing. It was a ton of time, but it was it was awesome. I had like a mobile app. It was this book. It was an online program and like all 360 views and amazing product. And we go and I hand it over to the marketing department and I'm like, Hey guys, like we're ready to rock and roll and start selling this thing and I almost like hand over the torch and they just couldn't sell it. Like nothing was moving and I just remember getting frustrated cuz I'm like, hey, like, Why is this not working? Like I thought that's your job. You're supposed to like market this stuff now and they're like driving traffic to like a website just like nothing was working. And I remember go I went home one night. And I was like frustrated Of course and I'm sitting there it's like three in the morning. I'm staring at my ceiling fan. And on my laptop on my on my bed. So I just remember pulling it open and looking through it. And I see this ad Come up. And I just remember the ad it just said weird marketing experiments to increase traffic conversions and sales online. I'll never forget the saint of it. And it's this crazy guy on it. His name is Russell Brunson. I had no idea who he was. And he was just like, full of energy. So I clicked on this ad. And next thing I know, I went in in a sales funnel. I didn't know I was in a phone, I thought I was on a website. But lo and behold, I was in a sales funnel.

And it's basically Russell just being like, you want to grow a business online, you want to start a business, you need a funnel, you need a funnel, and he's like, going through all these different types of funnels. And I remember I was like, so intrigued by it. I was like, a 90 minute presentation, and I was so captivated. I remember, I watched it. Again, I watched it twice. So I watched this thing twice. It's like six in the morning, I go straight into the office, I started sketching out a funnel on the board, and the marketing department like, what are you doing, man? I'm like, I know how we're gonna sell this. We're gonna use a sales funnel, like, what's the sales funnel? And I'm like, I don't really know yet. But this guy Russell talks about it. And I think I think this is how we can sell this thing. So I start sketching this thing out. I call up one of our celebrity trainers, who is like the poster child of this brand new certification. I'm like, hey, so and so we need a webinar. Like I bought the perfect webinar stuff. I sent it over to him, he like records this webinar, he sends it back like a week later, I build my first funnel out ever inside of clickfunnels. I put this thing in, and I go to the marketing department say, Hey, guys, instead of like what you were doing, just drive traffic, I do what you do, but just send them to this thing here. And they're like, Alright, so they send people there. And people start often. And people start watching this thing, right? When we go deliver the offer. No one buys like not a single person purchase this thing. webinar ends, we're done. I go outside. I'm like, I'm like Kirsten to myself. I'm like, Oh, another fail What idea. And I remember how like one more last, like lackluster hope of trying to get this thing to work. And I walked back inside. And I just went to my computer and I clicked on the refresh button. And we made our first sale for like, it was like 797 bucks like $800. And I went nuts. And it's like I this Russell stuff works right funnels work. And I walked in the next day and I quit. And I set out on this journey for the for the next year of trying to understand how you know, basically the science of selling stuff online, like funnels and offers and messaging and all that good stuff. And the rest is history.

Grant One sale. That's amazing. That's it.

Blake There's no I think that's one thing I think a lot of us will relate to. And if you if you haven't relate to yet, you know, some people are watching and listening, they have it. The one thing I think a lot of people will tell you is that when you make your first ever sale online, whether it's $5 or 500, there's this feeling that happens where you just like there's no turning back, I want more of this experience again and again and again. Yeah,

Grant Yeah. I love that, that so so your secret sauce as a business owner, it sounds like it's a combination of things. One, you stuck with this clearly right? And it took lots of tries to do. But I've watched you build from that, because I've seen some of the things you've created since then, which is just incredible. I think you've really been perfecting the art of the launch the product launch. He talked about that for a moment. Yeah.

Blake So anytime you have a really creative idea, right? I'm never an advocate anymore. I used to be right of building it out first and then launch it. And I've kind of flipped that on its head. Now it's more like launch it first and then build it out. Because a lot of things that prohibit entrepreneurs from moving forward that stopped them in their tracks as they think they have to go build out these products and services first. And it's really difficult, right? There's a lot of friction in that. And almost it's like a recipe to fail and quit and give up and not want to do it again. So I'm more of a fan of See if you can go sell the idea that you have first and then go spend the time building it out. So anytime we have an idea, what we like to do is really go really hard in the paint, when it comes to launching because launching is definitely it's the way to prove your concept. It's the way that it gives you the short term capital to inject into building the process and fulfilling on it. And even putting more even gives you the capital you need to put into evergreen strategies like paid media and things like that. So we're just like what we do really well here my business partner and I is that we when it comes to a new idea, we really like to watch hard and aggressively like we like, we don't just like to send an email. We don't like to just make a Facebook post or a couple ads. Let's say we like to be the loudest people in the room where by the end of it, I'm hoping people look at me and like man, that Blake nubar dude, he's super annoying, because then I knew we did a good enough job because you couldn't escape us during that launch. So launching is one of those things where it's like, it's you got to become a master of it. Like you have to know how to do it. But you never want to stay in it. It's like learn how to launch and then learn how to move that stuff to the Evergreen model where it just keeps producing for your business day in and day out. So watching is it's it's something you have wasted you have to learn it you have to become really good at it and There's so many different types of launches you could do honestly, it's like, fall one of the frameworks and put your idea into that framework and then just see how it does and see if the markets willing to judge and pull out their credit cards to pay for it.

Grant Are there certain social media platforms that you tend to focus on for your launches? Yes, so we, I'm a fan of Facebook.

Blake I like have this love/hate relationship with Facebook, because it's like, as much as as great of a place it is, it's like you have very little control as an advertiser. So Facebook's a really good spot we enjoy. I think the all our biggest launch we've ever done was only by utilizing Facebook, which is crazy, right? It's just because Facebook to me is the hub. Like if you're on social media, you're on you have Facebook, on your phone, or you use Facebook, you might have the other ones too, you might have like tik tok and Instagram and all the other ones. But Facebook is definitely the core. So I'm like, Okay, let's focus on Facebook, which a reason behind that was a we didn't want to get overwhelmed. I didn't want to like every additional platform, you have to like fake have to. It's just more stuff you have to create. It's different type of content you have to create because the platforms have different ways of posting and stuff. So we're just like, let's do Facebook. That's our favorite. But now as we've expanded the business, and we've grown, we really focus on Facebook and Instagram, those are kind of the the two big honey holes, I would say when it comes to it. We do email marketing and things like that. But it's really Facebook and Instagram, because like I said, that's where every I mean, everyone's on Facebook, I mean, and you take it literal ticket, figuratively, the world's on Facebook. So what better platform to use, and the one where everyone's kind of congregating.

Grant Okay, that's awesome. So you know where you're going to find your people. So you grew this business and you become expert at launches and launches. And you got to a certain point in your business, there was some time or place or condition you got into Lake where it led you to reach out and try to track down someone like myself, what were those conditions?

Blake Yeah, so I remember, you know, the business was growing, we were doing really big revenue numbers. And I remember when I was working with Brian, right, previously, I remember, he had a consultant that was really advocate about understanding your data. And I didn't get it at first, I'm just like, What does any of this stuff mean? And as you really start to see, when your business grows, if you don't have a grip on the numbers, you're kind of in trouble. And I remember we were getting to a point where our revenues were, you know, high six figures every month. And I'm just over here. And I remember I think I reached out to I don't know, if I reached out to Steve, or Steve reached out to me. But I remember one instance happened in regards to conversations like, you need to talk to my dad. And I'm like, he knows this stuff. And he's, it seems like it's what he does. And I'm like, Okay, done deal. And the reason I reached out to you is because I realized that in order for your business to have a grip on it to have a pulse on what it's doing to scale it right with predictability. You're you have to understand these numbers, and especially having understanding numbers in a way where you can make really educated decisions based on that data. See, most entrepreneurs, when you're first getting started, you let your intuition guide your decisions. That's great. Like you have a gut reaction. Oh, this is a cool idea. Let's go watch it. But as that thing works, you need to use less intuition and more data to kind of guide where you want to go. Now, if you want to develop new products sure where your intuition run wild, right. But when you want to make really educated decisions on growing your company and what different verticals to go after what different traffic sources, it should no longer be this game of guessing right, which a lot of entrepreneurs start making the mistake of it's like I touched one thing it turned to gold, we think we can touch some more turns to gold. And it usually always backfires. It has to be the data. So I started thinking, Okay, I don't want to make that same mistake where it's like you think you're the end all be all, and everything you're gonna do is going to be magical. It's not, who can I contact that knows data because I'm staring at this stuff. And I it's like a foreign language. I'm like, looking at like, I don't even know, but I'm just staring at these. And I'm like, this is this way too much data here. And like, no one had a really easy way of organizing it so led me to contacting you. And that's kind of where things began.

Grant That freaked me out at first and I'm like, Oh, yeah, we're gonna do some AI on this. That just sound weird to you.

Blake Yeah, I was just like, you know, I've heard of AI before. And like my geeky brain can like understand it to an extent. But I'm like, I have no idea what you're talking about. Grant, just do your magic because this sounds crazy to me still.

Grant Alright, so it's important to you to understand your business numbers, like you said, so that you can figure out some predictability. It helps you what influenced some of your planning or your next like, if you don't know your numbers in your business, right?

Blake You can skate, you can look you can get to you can just run a start a successful business and grow it to an extent flying blind. Like you can do that. You could you know, you can get a little lucky. You can have something that's pretty stable. But if you really want to grow your business and you're wondering why you're capping out and everything, your tribes not working, there's a good chance you have no idea what your numbers are, right? So if you really there's I don't know another Way to scale a company then by really understanding your data, because when you understand your data, you know, what's converting what's working, what's not. And you can focus more energy on the things that are working and put more money behind those, hence, scaling those. And like kind of divesting out of things that aren't working so well. And the only way to do that is to really have a grip over the data inside of your business, which honestly, is probably the last thing entrepreneurs do, right? Because it's just so overwhelming. You just like the one thing you want to avoid. But I can't express at least in the last few months, how much I like realized how important it really is, to having a grip on it and what it can do for your business. It's the difference maker in your business.

Grant Okay, that's, that's awesome. So when you got started working with us, how much did you have to know about AI? That, were we shoving it down your throat? We're like, hey, learn logistic regression. Come on Blake.

Blake Great, I had no idea of anything you you you had, like, I knew nothing going into it. And I still didn't have to know that much. Because working with you, you're able to articulate the data in a way my brain my, you know, kindergarten brain could understand with pictures and awesome things like that. So going into it. No, I knew absolutely nothing. I didn't have to know anything, which was great. Because you knew exactly how that data worked. You knew how to show me and you basically just were withdrawal. You're like, this is what this means. I'm like, I understand that instead of me trying to figure out what to do. Or the guess is it literally taught you told me what, on this day or this time or after a holiday or before holiday or during this season? Or during this quarter? This is what you should do? and not do. I was like, I can understand that. So it was simple.

Grant So let me ask you about that in terms of ways to make something like this easier for a business owner. Now that you've gone through this experience, what would be some some tips that you would share with others to help them in their journey going through this?

Blake Yeah, just look, data is one of those things. Again, I can't stress it enough anymore. And I don't think many people geek out on it. Like, the thing is, always have a grip on your business when it comes to the numbers, because then you can have the ability to have someone like grant come in and help and help you and show you on what to do with those numbers. Right. Having those numbers is great. You might tell me all day, I know my conversions in my business. And I know, I know my opt in rate. And I know this grants the person that can tell you what that really means and what to do with it. And that's the difference. Because it's one thing, knowing about the numbers, the next is being able to take action on what that data means. And if you look at most things, right? There's every software on this planet will tell you numbers, right, here's your conversion rate, here's your OPT in rate, here's what won the split test. But there's another layer after that. And that was like that was what I was really impressed working with you is that you were the second layer, you were the the team that came in, I was like, Hey, this is what this means. That's great. But this is what it means to do with it. So I would advise anyone, that's whether you're just getting going or you're looking to grow your business, start to get a little grip on your numbers, because then you're able to, you know, work with someone as amazing as grant to help you really scale those numbers by making those decisions.

Grant Blake, you've been more than generous with your time with us today. I really appreciate that. Thank you so much for doing this. Any final tips or comments to people who are starting to grow their business? Yeah, so starting to grow your business, always make sure a I'll start from the beginning, you're gonna solve a big problem, right?

Blake Find a big problem, if you find out that you're capping a lot, right? There could be a lot of reasons, like I said, data could be one of them. But just remember, like, solve really big problems, right? Because then it's gonna give you room to grow. And as you start growing, get a real grip on those numbers. Because seriously, there's no other way to scale. You can't scale a business without that predictability. And having that predictability is going to give you the chance to grow your business on a whole new level. Again, understanding what those is and work yourself like grant or some this AI technology. That's absolutely amazing, right? It tells you exactly what to do in order to make those decisions. So no longer do you have to guess anymore. I mean, we've been guessing our whole lives as marketers with split testing and things like that. It's amazing to know that you can go into situations right where the data is, this is kind of how this is how it works. And these are the these are the ways you need to react based on that on on all that information. So that's my final words. I know it's more like this is the geek mind going but solve big problems, get a grip on your numbers and then find a way to take that those numbers and use them to make those decisions to grow your business on a whole new level.

Grant Hey, thanks again, Blake for joining us. And thanks everyone for listening in. Until next time, get a grip on your numbers.

Thank you for joining grant on ClickAI Radio. Don't forget to subscribe and leave feedback. And remember to download your FREE eBook visit ClickAIRadio.com now.

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midnightiscoming-kasabian · 7 years

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Q&A: Kasabian guitarist Serge Pizzorno on leaving a legacy

Kasabian has never connected commercially in the U.S. the same way the band has in its native U.K., where the quartet is in the same ranks as the Arctic Monkeys and Muse. At home, singer Tom Meighan, guitarist Sergio Pizzorno, bassist Chris Edwards and drummer Ian Matthews routinely play stadiums and headline festivals like Glastonbury.

In the U.S., Kasabian has chosen to limit its tour in support of its sixth album, For Crying Out Loud, to just two weeks, with the tour closer coming at the Regency Ballroom tomorrow. And yet, Pizzorno said yesterday he has seen just as much excitement and buzz from fans about the new songs here as back home.

“These shows that we’ve been doing have been simply incredible, and they felt like shows in England, honestly,” Pizzorno said in a phone call from Los Angeles on Friday. “The crowds and the gigs; that atmosphere has been the best I’ve seen. [Many] people just don’t know anything about [us here]. And you just think, ‘Oh, man, what a shame.’ If there was a just little spark, and people heard the music, then it could be incredible. … In America, there’s a bonfire ready to go, and we just need someone to light a match.”

This year marks Kasabian’s 20th since forming in 1997. The rock band has fit nicely somewhere between Oasis, the Stone Roses, and all the bands that followed them. Outspoken frontman Meighan and his bandmates have carried a style of swagger harkening back to classic rock and roll, which is perhaps one of the reasons why Pizzorno dislikes being lumped into the more humble rock and roll scene. The band has scored numerous No. 1s and top awards in the U.K.

For Crying Out Loud has also reached No. 1, but Pizzorno said writing the album, which he accomplished in just six weeks, was a unique experience. For starters, it returns the band’s sound to the basics: guitar rock. Its predecessor, 2014’s 48:13, was an electronic side trip. Pizzorno, the lyricist, said he wrote his most personal songs ever on the new record. The six-week creation process was also a personal goal, he said. Previous albums took a year or more to write.

The album is more personal, and much more optimistic and happy, but the songs are no less edgy than before.

Kasabian would definitely like to have a bigger audience in America, but has otherwise reached its goals, Pizzorno said.

“Everything we’ve wanted to do, and more, we’ve done,” he said. “It’s just been about leaving a beautiful legacy behind. Ultimately, when we’re gone, if we left a mark on the world … we’ve left our music. That’s kind of the most beautiful thing.”

RIFF: You wrote For Crying Out Loud in just six weeks. Did it come easier than your other records?

Sergio Pizzorno: [With] every album, as an artist you’re on the hunt for inspiration and a new way of looking at your work, to make it different. I’ve never tried to write an album really quickly, but thought this time I will. It’s kind of as simple as that, really. It’s just a different way of approaching things. It’s like playing a different guitar. You pick up a different guitar, and it’s a different size. It’s just weird. You have to find different ways to kind of want to make music. I was just thinking about a lot of my favorite records from the past, and a lot of them were done really quickly, and there’s an energy to that. I wanted to make an uplifting, feel-good record, but I needed to concentrate at that time because you cannot make one of those records in over a year, and you cannot predict someone’s life in over a year. You have many ups and downs. Shit goes down, and then all of a sudden, that will influence your writing.

It seems like you had a lot of fun making this record. It’s a romper from beginning to end. You wanted to focus on guitar. Were there other sonic aspirations?

Yeah. It was more conscious in the writing, really. I just got a guitar and a piano and wrote all the shit on that. I focused on the structure and melody, the kind of classic songs and song lines. … There’s a reason why all those incredible Motown songs were just perfection, structurally. There’s a reason why they work. The reason why they stand up now is because they all kind of follow the same rules. So I just tuned in to that and focused on that kind of pure melody. Then [we] sort of graffitied all over it, so to speak. I kind of added some flourishes. But it was all based around melody and structure.

This album is an inverse to your last one. I take it that was intentional?

Absolutely, yes. Every single nut and bolt of this band is a complete decision. … I think it’s about the legacy you leave behind and the journey the band goes on. I look at it as a whole body of work rather than specific albums, you know? This album … the best way to sort of describe it is sort of through the ‘70s, put through this futuristic filter.

Are these the most personal songs you’ve ever written? Listening to “Put Your Life On It,” that song seems very vulnerable and open.

Yes. You’re absolutely right. That tune specifically. … I was listening to John Lennon interviews [about him making 1980’s Double Fantasy], and he just said [in his songwriting] he decided to just say exactly what he wanted to say. [Before] he would always use a metaphor or poetry. It kind of blew his mind to say what it was he wanted to say. You do feel vulnerable because if you’re writing a song to your wife … there are simple lyrics that can be so corny, and it’s sort of uncomfortable. Then there’s pitching it to the right kind of mood, and it’s pretty beautiful. When I’ve played [“Put Your Life On It”] to people, what they’ve told me about the song, is you realize that’s what people want. It really connects when we say it exactly how it is, so I’m really proud of that song.

What story that you tell in song on the record is currently your favorite?

Right now it’s “Ill Ray (The King).” It’s the first song we open with live; it’s so powerful. What I’m really proud of with how far we’ve come as a band is the sound of that song. You can hear Bruce Springsteen in it. You can hear the east midlands rave scene. You can hear a little bit of Nirvana. All these things have been an influence over the years. … As an artist, all you’re looking for is your stamp, you know? And it’s that song [for us].

How did you recruit Lena Headey from Game of Thrones for the “Ill Rey (The King)” video? Her casting as a queen was pretty genius.

It’s one of those amazing circumstances. Basically, I had the idea for the video … in the back of a taxi, and I know a director [Dan Cadan]. And she is his girlfriend. If you’re gonna have a queen, you might as well have the best queen in the world. And she’s such a lovely person, and she’s so talented, like you said. It was a lot of fun.

What’s it like to have been at it for 20 years?

I’d say comedy has kept us together; a sense of humor. We still make each other laugh. That’s literally what’s kept us going through the ups and downs. Through all the madness, making each other laugh is what kept us together.

Do you have any favorite memories made in the Bay Area? Have you spent much time here before?

San Francisco is my favorite city in America. I spent months and months recording there. I especially love the Mission. I just love the Mission, man. I feel way at home there, man. There’s this little joint there called Taqueria, literally. People who have recorded with us think I’m insane because I go there every day for lunch, and they tease me like, “You’re fucking crazy,” and I’m like, “I don’t care–they’ve got this food that’s unbelievable.” … There’s this place called Vesuvio Café as well. I just love the history there of the beat poets. The whole vibe of that city is like no place on Earth, and I love it.

www.riffmagazine.com

#kasabian #interviews #interviews 2017 #riff magazine 23.09.17

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alishahenderson · 5 years

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The Best Usability Testing Tools For Web Developers And Designers

UX design is incomplete without user testing, which is an integral part of the process. It’s very important for you to know how your user interacts with your design so you can create the best user experience that allows visitors to fulfill their tasks and increase conversions. This is where usability testing tools come into play for the testing of your UX design at an enterprise and programming level.

Choose from a Selection of Usability Testing Tools

It'll absorb a lot of time and income to run and have on your user analyzing laboratory, including hunting for recruiting and your target shoppers and establishing up the essential components. Remember, since there's a great deal of usability testing applications accessible to find gone most of these prerequisites.

Inside this informative article, I am giving you the ideal tools useful to enable one to track user behavior and assemble suggestions. Together with the applications testing tools and services, you can most likely shortly identify any defect on your website's/World Wide Web program UX style and design.

You ought to execute a demo conducted of every one of those usability testing programs given below to definitely learn just how well every single fulfills your preferences until you just take the dip.

Therefore, here is my set of 10 UX testing applications to earn your daily life simpler.

10 Greatest Hostels Testing Tool

1. Userlytics Among those Optimal/optimally Usability Testing Tools

Userlytics is believed to function as the excellent distant usability testing instrument. It's intended to enable one to capture the interaction of end-users using an internet site, cellular app, or model. The application uses pictures in picture distant testing applications to automatically catch the end-users' sound opinion along with facial expressions - either which examine your own advantage and provide you a more complete picture in their responses in true moment.

No more intricate installation of components is required to begin with using Userlytics. Oahu is the perfect system to discover the annoying things onto your own cellular application immediately and fast. You may immediately find why end-users do what they're carrying out around the site.

2. Usability Hub Usability Testing Tool Remedy Your Layout Debates Entirely

You may be perplexed as it regards placing the navigation toolbar onto the correct or left and right wondering if men and women will desire to design A or design B. It is bothersome to earn layout choices, especially if it is about determining that the design may be the best remedy to publish.

UsabilityHub Performance testing instrument is known for resolving these sorts of issues. It's intended to permit one to repay any style and design arguments absolutely. Its five distinct suites, so helping to make it feasible that you catch and analyze your consumer tastes and get an educated choice.

All you've got to do is always to incorporate a graphic of one's site port, cellular program UI, or applications design and style, and also present a task for customers to perform, then wait for effects.

UsabilityHub provides a record on heatmaps revealing where an individual clicked. Additionally, you will be permitted to decide on a five-second evaluation to catch the consumer's very first impact of the plan.

The user-friendly application also enables one to add numerous layouts and then have that the user around their preferred edition, and also the reason why they enjoy it. And you'll be able to upload specific evaluations to pinpoint drop-out factors (most useful for sophisticated consumer, travels) and arrange a questionnaire to collect user responses.

There's really a fundamental an absolutely free alternative of UsabilityHub, and you also are going to certainly be just expected to cover if you need the program to provide evaluation areas for you personally. This causes it to be certainly one of their optimal/optimally internet site usability testing computer software applications.

3. Look-back Among those High-Quality Usability Testing Instruments for Level Testing

That really is a user-friendly recording applications produced uncomplicated. Possessing this particular usability software testing services, you also can capture the people's mobile or computer apparatus on the internet or without needing any additional products.

What which puts look-back besides the others are it is potential that you combine the dwell testing session and also, speak to end users whether they've been researching your design and style to request a problem or run a scheduled appointment.

Additional parts of usability testing programs just offer you a recording or report soon after the conclusion of this testing process. However, when you are using Lookback, then it enables one to resolve evaluations and see them since they're shot in realtime, and also speak with users directly together with followup concerns. This really is an easy means to truly have a direct reply.

4. Hotjar an Insightful Usability Testing Tool

Hotjar has a number of useful usability testing applications (termed incredibly valuable user-friendly applications) to enable one to analyze and acquire helpful responses for the internet site. Insane Egg (additionally included inside our checklist farther down) would possibly be the user-friendly applications which come into the mind while you experience some notion of heating lines, however, Hotjar comprises these far too.

These allow one to be aware of what elements of one's port that your users enjoy many. And you're going to also know what elements of one's port are acquiring one of the maximum clicks.

With Hotjar, you'll likewise be capable of seeing the listing of end-users' mouse paths to signify that their manner of browsing your internet site. Even the Conversions Funnels utility gives you the ability to understand of which time users ' are falling from a buy or subscribe to the course of action.

These features are all really all enlightening. The site also makes it feasible that you pinpoint that part your internet site demands tweaking to get far better results by the plan. You'll find a few additional pieces of features contained in the application, such as sort investigation and suggestions surveys.

5. TryMyUI Usability Testing Software To Examine Your Internet Program

TryMyUI is just one of many optimal/optimally usability testing tools targeted at aiding you to will find ways to better your cellular program or blog. Using that, you may set your custom evaluation that's special activities for consumers to execute out. Additionally, it enables one to locate the perfect user-base via assorted demographics. Additionally, you will be permitted to observe the listing of those users carrying the evaluations you've got.

You might also utilize the TryMyUI Stream assistance. It's installed onto your own internet site to assemble real-life advice about how users communicate with your site. This lets one set defects and recognizes inexpensive UX using Stream's AI headache finder. It's helpful in pinpointing the manners users ' are all choices, and also the avenues that require them for failure and success.

6. UserTesting Among those Optimal/optimally Usability Testing Tool for Internet Programmers

The very optimal/optimally method to capture consumers' interactions with all the site, making use of their responsiveness, is as a result of online video together with User Testing. You are going to have the ability to select your intended audience and also offer end users a task to do in your own program or blog.

The evaluation may operate onto a desktop computer tablet computer, or even perhaps a cellphone. UserTesting may list users discussing their own notions while socializing together with your program or blog. Afterward, you definitely are going to have the ability to learn why end-users do exactly what they perform. UserTesting usability testing application is currently liberated for an endeavor.

7. Crazy Egg Usability Testing Tool Give Complete Alternative For Program Testing

Using an insane Egg usability testing instrument, you'll discover how people connect to your own internet site as when with Xray eyeglasses. This endurance testing tool gives you the ability to comprehend the game of men and women onto your own site, and also why visitors aren't being changed to routine clients and customers.

The items clicked are discovered with heating channels. Also, additionally they recognize the resources they've been increasingly being called from. Probably one among the absolute most helpful issues in nuts Egg could be your scroll map effective of discovering just how much visitors scroll right down on a full page before left it entirely.

Other useful items will be the power to track precisely the click amounts onto each every portion of the typical page, and also to run A/B testing. These things place insane Egg with this checklist.

8. Reflector 3 Testing Instrument For Tracking Your Program Design Overall Performance on Cellular

The monitor mirroring program A reflector isn't meant specially for performance testing, however, it's rather useful studying and analyzing just how your app design and style perform on cellular telephone.

The application sends your tablet computer or phone monitor to a Mac or computer system to enable one to observe how folks use the program. Reflector additionally includes recording potential therefore that you may examine your analyzing sessions following a share or time and exhibit them ahead of a viewer.

9. Optimizely Among those Optimal/optimally Usability Testing Tool On the Internet Program

A/B testing is just one of the strongest tactics to try projected fluctuations to an internet site in contrast with this present style and design (or another suggested upgrade). It will help ascertain which variant provides maximum favorable outcomes. Google delivers its A/B testing applications called Google enhance therefore you may run experiments onto your own site.

But a powerful pc software application for A/B testing is Optimizely. This application offers many readily usable qualities to aid you in establishing your evaluations. This tool gives you the ability to execute multivariate testing, and which really is a strategy to examine various factors on a particular page. You may even make personalized adventures and goal unique crowds as you unveil fresh layouts into this customer (which include targeting diverse URLs, browsers, along with geographical areas).

Optimizely proves for a more thorough package of usability testing applications. However, it's supposed for acute organizations, and it is displayed inside the cost. You can also visit here to know more about usability testing.

10. Inspectlet Usability Testing Instrument For Total Assist on Web Page Testing

Inspector can be a really renowned usability analyzing tool famous for documenting your own customers and tracking the same actions to your own site. You may study the things that they click on, their mouse motions, and their key-presses along with scrolling. You are going to have the ability to see your visitor as tightly as though you're hanging close for them.

Aside from listing user connections with your own site, the Inspectlet usability testing program includes a heating map and that means that you may determine the segments people want to know more about. The heat-map additionally includes eye-tracking, advice regarding what's been clicked onto probably the maximum and the way many visitors scroll pages down. Moreover, the sort analytics application reflects certainly that kind components would be definitely the absolute most bothersome for people and also at which something else really is faulty.

Conclusion

Inside the following piece, I've talked about the 10 top usability testing applications based upon your own particular demands and price range.

For instance SME, startup, or even perhaps an organization at any degree, in the event that you'd like the service of applications along with QA testing, then then you definitely have to choose the perfect pc software testing company for you personally.

#test automation solutions #software testing outsourcing #web application testing services #usability software testing services #website load testing services

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