the more loved i am and the more i love people on purpose, the more comfortable i get with who i am. i think this is a natural product of getting older as well, you kinda settle into your skin and figure out what you want and how to go after it. the funny part about doing this for me is that like.... i don't feel things like other people do. i just don't. i have a pathological need for attention and i don't form attachments the same way that others do and i break connections very easily and i don't feel guilty about stuff. i do recognize when i'm WRONG and i change my behavior and/or my viewpoints when they're harmful and i actively work to combat my most maladaptive bullshit, so sometimes it's like.
i dunno. the whole stereotype of the self-aggrandizing sociopath who thinks they're above everything is boring, but sometimes it feels like there's something to it. like i'll see sensationalized explanations of 'narcissism' and 'sociopathy' that are like "these people can just choose not to care about stuff," and i'm like....
....yeah??
So The Fuck Can You.
in fact, you do. CONSTANTLY. by telling yourself that the real life living breathing human being asking for change on the street is a scammer, or a predator, or unpleasant, or too sick, or too strung-out, or otherwise too Other and inhuman to help. you only reserve your so-called "intrinsic empathy" for people that you relate to, and you turn it off when it gets uncomfortable.
i know exactly where i'm spending my emotional energy and who i'm spending it on. when i don't spend my emotional energy on someone, it's not because they're an unperson to me. it's because i simply don't wanna put my emotional energy there.
you guys could learn a thing or two about doing this. like. i know why i am how i am. what the fuck is YOUR excuse????
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Ramblings of a Lunatic
II 750 Words II Levi x reader II Pure fluff II You find Levi ranting about his feelings for you II Established relationship II
The soft blue hue of Levi's room at midnight slowly reached your eyes as you blinked awake. It wasn't uncommon for you to fall asleep in Leviathans tub, but you'd usually only wake up at a reasonable time and with the demon still in your embrace. This time, your arms were entirely empty. As you became more and more awake, searching for the missing warmth, your ears started to pick up on something. A soft murmuring, coming from near fish-henry's tank.
"It's just. ARGH!!!" As you peak over the edge, you find your demon clinging to his water-filled walls. He's turned away from you and sitting on his knees, his head apparently resting in his hands. Some other blanket than the one that you two fell asleep under was draped over his shoulders.
"MC is. Practically perfect. How can they just fall asleep so easily? And with ME of all people?!!" The panic in his voice is clear, but you also pick up on a tiny smile filled with pride. "Henry, I just still dont understand. Why would they keep sticking to me, when they could honestly get anything in the world?" A sigh. As the silence took its place, you debated if you should break your own cover. You could go over to him and comfort him, kiss him, tell him all his worries are completely unnecessary.
But, there was also another part of you that recognized the importance this moment had for Levi. He'd clearly done this before. He just needs to talk about his feelings to someone that isn't you, even if that means it needs to be a fish. Plus, it doesn't actually seem like Leviathan is in that bad of a mind-space. Even though you can't see his face, you can tell by the small things in his voice that he's just excited. He probably just needs to gush it out. So, you keep still, and stay listening to your demon.
"Whenever they smile I just KNOW that people would drop anything to see it again. I know I do. If they're just walking around I can feel the eyes that're attracted to them. It makes me want to pull them close and show everyone just how taken they actually are."
Memories with Leviathan start to surface. Just little things. Walking trough the halls of RAD with his hand ever-inching closer to yours. Always striding just a little quicker whenever either of you spot the other. All the tiny gift Levi has given you out of seemingly nowhere, but always whenever you were feeling a bit down. They all add up. You realize that it's specifically those things that make your relationship with Levi so perfect. The tiny ways that the two of you interact create a magical atmosphere, always growing with love.
As you relish the memories, Leviathan begins to talk again. "You know, Henry? I mean, you must. It's not like I haven't told you this like 100 times already, LOL. Anytime I see MC, my heart grows even more. Even now, its expanding. Just thinking about how they're currently in my bed, soundly sleeping. Knowing they're comfortable and safe, and that it's their specific choice to actually be with me, it just fills me with love. How can it not? I'm so unbelievably lucky." There's a sound that can only be described as a dreamily-and-heavenly-in-love sigh. "Speaking off, have I told you about today? Just as we were walking to RAD we.........."
As you listened to Levi drone on about you and him, you felt yourself get tired again. Understandable, since it's been well past midnight. The apparent energy that Levi gets while talking about you amazes you, but you can't keep stopping your eyes from closing by themself. As you slowly doze off the the sound of your lover's rambling, you hope your dreams will be filled with even just a fraction of the love you feel right now.
---
You wake up again, this time at a reasonable time and with your demon back in your arms. While waking up, your memories of last nights' happenings come back again. Even though the subject of your adoration is still sleeping next to you, you're sure he wouldn't mind waking up to your numerous kisses. Your not planning on telling him what you witnessed anytime soon, but you make sure to clearly translate your feelings over and over again, with each press of your lips.
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have any of u guys seen that cheeseball cat on tiktok/insta?? idk i dont use instagram. this one
i saw them months ago but they popped up again last night on my fyp and i want to talk about them so bad because theyre an occupied object as i like to call them (object with some kind of spirit in them, not to say haunted, just an object with some kind of 'being' or soul to it) and i find it endearing that a cheeseball cat i randomly saw one day is occupied. now we go under readmore
im pulling most of the screenshots from this video because its the one i saw last night so go watch if youre curious and to show the creator some love for their art!
if you have no idea who cheddar is they were not always a cheeseball, the creator bought them and painted them like this originally they looked like THIS
the being in them was present from the time of buying, they stick out like a sore thumb in this image specifically (likely because this is the day of buying and they havent settled into their surroundings at all)
luckily they dont seem to mind the fact that they were painted like a giant cheeseball at all. i cant say every being would take well to that, but if anything, they seem to like it. even if op and the fans on tiktok arent aware theyre 'there', they seem to enjoy the attention they get, and the individual love they have been given in the paint job. to be loved is to be changed or whateva. in all seriousness though they are fine with it, more than fine, which im glad lmao
theres plenty of beings in objects that are discontent with their situation, where the person theyre with either is not aware of them at all, or is misguided in their views towards beings in objects/uncaring/ even scared, but cheddar here seems perfectly happy. while others might shy away from attention, they seem to like the attention tiktok gets them.
i mean, they have their own little pedestal, special gift like baby cats that are custom painted, theyre special and named to the person theyre with, and people on tiktok love them. not a bad life if thats something you like! im really happy they feel so content, i get sad seeing beings that are unhappy on the internet but i cant rlly do anything about those cases so 😭
they really seem to like the person theyre with too, in this frame of them being picked up, their energy softens and brightens and makes my chest feel giddy and affectionate. theyre very cute i adore this cat i would give them a hug if theyd have me
i think they likely have a purpose or magical skill, but i cant pinpoint it further than 'they want to bring good into this persons life', which could cover a raaange of things.
theyre not malicious at all, they seem very content and friendly and i wouldnt feel uncomfortable around them at all in person so no worry of that. a bit intense before settling into their new life, but not bad. sometimes beings are just a bit intense lol. theyre not haunted by any human spirit, i can't say where they came from, or when, but i don't think they were ever 'alive' either animal or human.
i ♥️ cheddar and their sweet little cheese throne
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