#i literally suffer all the time from shit you could be fixing. you are lazy and selfish and would rather me be dead bc im a burden to you

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here bestie and *deep sigh* here we are...again. Not to get off topic but have you ever seem The Green Mile?? I have a complicated relationship with that movie but I the thing from it permanently imprinted on my brain is when the warden comes in demands "What in the Blue Fuck was That!?" It a whole ass mood right now after watching that clip and I highly recommend just watching that line to get the full effect.

Why, for the love of God, are we bringing up Shannon again??!! She didn't even really come up during Eddie's PTSD arc but we're just gonna randomly insert her in a episode sort of about death?? Of course we are because KR has literally no new ideas. Oh except for this season where she's like "You know what hasn't been done yet?? We haven't emphasized importance of family by blood so we'll redeem all the horrible parents with zero effort to let everyone know your grudges are petty and just hurt you." You know why that hasn't been done Kristen??!! Because this is a show about FOUND family, realizing your importance and worth in a space that's safe for you to do that, and having the support you need when the bad times come!! She has actually forgotten the very foundation of this show and I'd scream but I'm also so, so tired. You know what time it is then 🍸🍸🍸. Gonna read comfort fic and find a comfort show to put on when that gets hard. Cheers friend!!

Bestieeeee! What. The fuck. Is happening?! I didn't answer this Friday and I should have because yesterday was a WHOLE other mess! I feel so bad for dragging you into this show just in time for it to all go to shit. We survived RNM, we don't deserve to suffer like this again! 😩😩😩

Your "KR has literally no new ideas" line is SO apt after that clip yesterday literally recycling the eddieana meeting. Parallels can be used and be effective but after she literally just re-did Buck's fight with Bobby over returning to work with Eddie (only to not show their apology or Eddie's decision to return to work on screen), and re-did Eddie's "it's time to get back out there after Shannon and figure out what you want") s4 arc last week, this "Buck meets a girl on a call in the exact same way Eddie met Ana" just looks...so so so lazy. Not to mention Buck and Eddie are only ever with women after they meet them on calls, AND we are reverting Buck back to season 1 "a relationship with THIS women must be able to fix me" which is just...gross. Buck was always one of my favorite characters but GOD I dread his personal scenes now because KR just doesn't know what to do with him unless it's trying to get into his pants in some way and she doesn't understand any of the motivations or what drives him as a character. Stop ruining my boy!! GOD I need her off this show like, YESTERDAY.

ANYWAY

This whole Shannon thing has me so 🙄🙄🙄 because as good as Ryan and Gavin are and Eddie/Chris scenes always are because they play so well off each other, this is like, the LEAST interesting thing they could have done and it's clearly not about Chris or Eddie or their complicated history with Shannon, it's just being used to push the "Eddie choosing someone to date for himself" idea. They could have given something deep and emotional this season like Chris now being old enough to start asking harder questions about Shannon leaving and Eddie trying to navigate that with him, or having a talk about Chris starting to be interested in dating and asking Eddie some hard questions about why Eddie isn't dating again since Ana has been gone for so long. But nope! It's "let's pretend this parent never did anything awful and there are zero complex feelings about them" hours once again. Thanks, I HATE it. And for me it ruins the nuance of Shannon's character because she WAS just a person who was struggling. But where Eddie thought his son didn't need *him* so much as he needed Eddie to provide for him and once he found out Chris just wanted to spend time WITH him he fought tooth and nail to make it work no matter how hard, Shannon decided it was too much and cut off all contact because keeping in touch with her son and making sure he knew he was loved wasn't as important as her not wanting to be put in an awkward position. And that's life! And Chris and Eddie should be allowed to acknowledge that they loved her at some point, Chris should be allowed to have good memories of his mom, and still be allowed to acknowledge that she abandoned them and hurt them deeply and there are complex feelings around that!

These complex parental relationships leading to the found family of the 118 has ALWAYS been at the heart of the show and you're right that KR has NEVER understood that and has spent this season undermining that bond across the whole team and any time the story tries to emphasize the found family it's also still pushing the blood family importance so the storytelling comes out confused and in opposition to itself giving the audience emotional whiplash. I'm just so very very tired of this. I'm positive it's too much to hope for but with audiences tuning out and the constant complaints at how the show is handling arcs and pacing and KR's choices, and even now articles by people who often write about 911 calling out the inconsistencies, maybe the negotiations for renewal will come with some stipulations on who gets to be in charge. Even if I didn't love EVERY storyline choice in the early seasons, the episodes themselves were ALWAYS enjoyable overall and there was so much good stuff going on it was easy to let the stuff I didn't like as much roll past, so it would be good to get back to that sort of vibe again and KR has proved over several seasons that she is NOT up to that task. With the Tarlos wedding wrapped up, we might get...I don't want to say "lucky" because I don't think Tim is the greatest thing ever, but we might get some bit of pacing and consistency and flow back in the show (I know LS has some pacing issues as well but that feels to me more like them having to work around RL's insistence on centricity than anything else)

Oof. Lets see if we can make it through these last few episodes with this dating nonsense, the sperm donor arc and L coming back, and maybe even a Tay Kay jumpscare. Can't wait 🙄 At least Ravi is back home and the finale emergency looks like it will be good and we're getting injured Chim so we're going to get *some* crumbs out of this mess. And then it will be summer and I've got a fic idea started soooo, we'll see if I can get anywhere with my astronaut!Buck, NASA medic!Eddie Countdowns inspired thingy. Cheers my friend, we are going to NEED IT. (But hey, if we survived RNM, we can do ANYTHING. But also we shouldn't have to and I need this show to STOP IT.) 🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹

[iamthecomet]

vent

Mommet i don't feel well, i can't message anybody and i feel really awful, i can't even bring myself to pretend like everything is fine, i just can't show anyone I'm so scared of not being okay and it hurts so much

I couldn't cry before but i don't even know why I'm crying anymore and I don't know who to tell because i can't talk to anyone, I'm always the emotional support friend and it makes me feel like shit when i rant to people about how i feel i end up deleting my messages and i can't even handle praise anymore because it just makes it worse

It's kinda hard being told you're useless and starting to believe it even though I know I'm not, because then when people tell me that in good I start thinking "no I'm not, I'm the opposite, I'm terrible i know I'm not good" it just hurts

I'm so scared of everything and I feel so alone and i have no idea what to do, and I'm trying to eat and sleep because it's the only thing i can do still but even I'm failing at that, I'm scared to sleep, i can barely bring myself to eat properly, most of all my brain is in the clouds and that makes everything worse because ill literally forget and i can't even tell anyone because i just feel like a nuisance

Everyone tells me I'm not, but i still feel like shit

I wish i could just disappear but i can't even do that, I'm just stuck here suffering because I can't go anywhere, i keep telling everyone I'll be alright because I always am, because I've always had to be, because I've never had another option, I don't want a reply that tells me everyone is here for me, or to please take care, to try, because I'm fucking trying, every ounce of energy I have goes into just trying to fucking breathe without breaking down and i can't even ask for real help because they don't believe that i wish i could stop existing. They just tell me I'm lazy.

I can't even stop anyway, I'm just stuck here.

I'm sorry for ranting I just need some place to leave this but i can't even sign off with my anon

Thank you for listening mommet

Hi love. Thank you for feeling comfortable enough with me to share this with me--even if you couldn't leave your tag. I would have loved to respond to this privately--and not air your distress all over my page, but I can't do that. And I also can't just let it go without a response. You deserve one. I won't tell you it will be ok, or to keep trying, or I'm here for you (though, I am). I'm just going to tell you it's ok to feel this way. And I'm so proud of you for continuing to try, for fighting so fucking hard. You are so strong for that. So strong.

I know what it's like to have your brain tell you everyone is lying to. To tell you that you are not deserving of praise, or love. I am sorry that you are going through it. I won't do the thing where I try to beat into your head that it isn't true--I know that doesn't really work. But I will tell you, that our brains lie to us all the time. Not everything we tell ourselves is the truth. And that's ok. It's important to understand it's a lie--even if you still can't help but believe it. It's a step in the right direction.

I do think that you should make an attempt to talk to someone in a professional setting if you can. I think they would believe you--they should. And they will do their best to help. They might not be able to fix it, but they may be able to ease the burden--or give you tools to lessen the pain. You do not have to feel like this forever. I am so sorry that you are struggling so much. I'm sorry that you feel isolated, and alone. I am sending you love, and good thoughts, and support, even if it's from afar. You can always vent to me. I am here for you in whatever capacity you need.

[littlebabycrybtch]

god lmao when you hear a neurotypical and/or abled person spout the words ‘quality of life’ you know you are about to hear the ugliest most dehumanizing selfish fucking argument abt how anybody thats different from them must be suffering for it and how theyd wanna kill themselves if they were disabled or w/e the fuck like. jesus lmao mam as an autistic person with chronic pain frankly if i had your brain id definitely wanna kill myself cus being that fucking ableist and shitty and self centered is no way to live like i honestly cant imagine being ok w/ that existence. also idk have you even once considered that your evil ignorant selfish assumptions are whats actually contributing to my struggle. 

in other words; stop comparing your life to mine. you are not my fucking advocate and those who ‘cannot’ advocate for themselves still dont need you to be their nihilistic savior or whatever disgusting thing you think it is you are doing. “quality of life” like god karen maybe we just dont make wild assumptions with extreme consequences about how minorities view the worth of their own existence by looking at it through your own selfish lens and ranking it against your personal level of functioning as if its educated and selfless of you to think that should be the metric and standard of the whole universe and anyone who cant match it must be unhealthy bc they cant relate to you. 

like kjsdfsd maybe just stop talking abt how badly you wanna euthanize disabled kids and how its a moral responsibility to kill disabled people and prevent disabled babies bc u assume theyre in pain from nature and not from the ableist society you contribute to with your weird cruel statements like that !!! ffs jsut stop jesis fuckinG C H R I S T stop it its so gross. you literally dont know Shit. ‘but the doctors tm said the patients condition is a sentence to lifelong misery and they’ll never be able to speak they may not even have thoughts i-’ oh my goddDDD DUDE I LITERALLY HONESTLY DONT CARE ABT WHATEVER PROPAGANDA ABLED DOCTORS TELL U ABT DISABLED KIDS FROM WIDELY ABLE CENTRIC MEDICAL SCIENCE CREATED WITHIN AN ABLED CENTRIC SOCIETY, it is 100% FACT THAT YOU CANT ACTUALLY SEE ANYONE ELSES EXPERIENCES SO /YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT SINGULAR DISABLED PEOPLES LIVES/. YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO US FIRST, AND WHEN WE CANT COMMUNICATE, YOU HAVE TO PUT IN SOME ACTUAL >EFFORT< TO THINK ABOUT HOW TO HELP US IN WAYS THAT DONT REVOLVE AROUND LITERAL FUCKING EUGENICS AS YOUR GO-TO. your goddamn ‘advocacy’ is literally just talking over us and silencing us, and with fucking lazy and Abominable intentions. shut the fuck UP you pieces of shit if murder is your solution to a group of people you could just be focused on Helping then you people will never be anywhere close to knowing what true ‘’‘MERCY’’’ is even if it bit you in the fuckin dick lol

[rosesfox]

I’m not upset with Cassian and Amren because I do think it’s obvious that they’ve put Feyre first but there are just short MOMENTS where they contradicted that. Sjm fixed it with Amren when she had Amren call Nesta out for being childish and unfair about it. finally, they were training together in Acowar and Acofas and amren never talked to her about abusing and being jealous of her younger sister…? They just played puzzles, drank and talked shit about life together? Sjm has definitely glazed over feyres abuse from nesta with Amren. and after Cassian starts having sex with Nesta he starts disagreeing with all of Feysand and the IC’s decisions. He goes silent when they’re talking about a topic I’m like “what the hell is his deal all of a sudden?” They both annoyed me but Cassian more. Sjm got so messy while she was writing. Even the whole “Nestas been over here quite a bit” in Acofas I was like “Wtf you’re having her big sister hang out with HER friend? And not even having Amren talk to her for Feyre to fix the situation before she befriends the sister? She just put them right into a friendship. Like fuck Feyre am I right? I was like What is this? Just disappointing writing decisions that affected Feyre with her sister. Azriel, Mor and Rhys are on the loyal list while Amren and Cassian got ruined kind of. But I can get over it easily, like I said we know where their loyalties all lie at the end of the day. Sjm just had us question it for whatever reason by being too lazy to think twice about certain decisions. just like “well I want them to be friends even if she still is abusive and disrespectful when it comes to feyre (: fast forward to two edgy besties making puzzles” and Cassian just lost all sense. I feel bad for Cassian Stan’s because his behavior was a mess for our side and their side. They don’t think he even stood up for nesta enough while we think he didn’t stand up for the ICs decisions or Feyre enough. Amren made up for it by talking shit the whole book to Nesta so she may be forgiven for her past choices soon.

It was ooc for Amren to befriend Nesta but not call her out on her shit sooner when she’s always quick to call someone out, and Ooc for Cassian to act like such a brute that was whipped for nesta for a personality trait. The random dancing? Almost letting Eris die? Disagreeing with Feyre and Rhys so much when they made sense? Complaining about them giving the dagger to Eris I was like “omg shut up already I love you but stop complaining so damn much 🥹” when he was like “Feyre why can’t you go search for the trove Instead of nesta” I was like…”boy..if you don’t stop being so biased” when he slung his arm around nesta in front of rhysand on purpose….so many bad moments. I can never re read it without skipping so many parts bc they irk me. Azriel was only distant because of wanting a HEA not because of all this shit Cassian has going on. Azriels book is about to be so much better I just know it. I feel like we suffered through a chaotic contradicting YA book with 6 adult smut scenes of them banging eachothers brains out. It’s pure chaos and to the people that stan the book, you are strong. I can’t read it without being annoyed or cringing.

Azriel and Elains Povs will hopefully be more mature, and she won’t continue doing ooc bullshit within the IC. Go mess up other relationships outside of the IC and give them a rest, it’s confusing us all. I feel like Sarah not caring about criticism could be bad for her writing like where is the growth? She writes so good but has flaws that can easily be fixed if she’d pay more attention and care

Cassian in acomaf defending Feyre from Nesta and super worried about her throughout her trajectory, Amren and Feyre being good friends who count on each other and spend time together, and all that disappeared in acosf. Amren literally has one scene "defending" Feyre and it's at the end of the book. Cassian was supposed to be Feyre's best friend, but he wasn't, and idk if i expected much from Amren.

the most annoying thing was Cassian throwing Feyre into the fire to spare Nesta from going to get the weapons. like?????? I thought the intention was to make Nesta a good person who takes initiative and wants to help, why does Feyre have to literally be life-threatening for Elain to volunteer and then Nesta to volunteer to go? 

LMFAO CASSIAN DEFENDING RHYS ALL THE TIME, and then he goes and puts his little arm on Nesta as a form of whatever. this book is so embarrassing

and yes, it seems that none of Nesta's actions have any consequences. Amren who doesn't like anyone wouldn't like Nesta just because she acts like a spoiled brat.

that's what you said and what most fans agree: it's lazy and contradictory writing. I hope she learned from her mistakes, from the fucking hate that Feyre took, from the hate that Nesta continues to take, and do something better and more conclusive in Elain and Azriel's book.

i don't think i could answer everything you said, but i loved your ask and i share 100% of your thoughts! im always here to listen.

[jae-daddy]

Duff (4)

jaebum au series

one / two  / three / four / five /  six / seven / eight masterlist

pairing: im jaebum x reader genre: angst, smut, cheating, CEO! i guess too now plot:  you are the duff, and guys use you to get close to your bestfriend, turns out jaebum was no exception. but as time goes on the tension between you and your bestfriend’s unoffical boyfriend grows  a/n: it so late, I'm literally seeing double rn... hope y’all like it! <3 not edited. 

Life is brimming with lessons that teach you how to live without being naive and a fool. 

You were already taught a few lessons by life, as it made you jump through endless hoops burning with malicious flames waiting to scorch your skin at slightest touch. 

So you found it fair to hold yourself as intelligent and mature. 

Therefore, you trusted your conclusion to ignore whatever happened in the elevator with Im Jaebum. 

What was said, what was done; none of it mattered. 

An important lesson you’ve learnt is people say and do crazy things when they are riding high a shot of adrenaline. 

Jaebum’s near-death experience led him to say things that he would not on a normal day. It was only because he was scared that he did. And everyone wants to die an honest man. You were certain if it were Paul in the elevator instead of you, Jaebum might have confessed something outrageous to him too. 

So that was not the reason why you were staring at the two males in front of you as they spoke absolute nonsense to you. You already knew not to take what happened in that tiny metal box seriously. Instead, it was another life lesson you knew that made you stare at them as if they had grown two heads: everything has a price. 

“Not everyone gets an opportunity like this, y/n,” Paul spoke, a second away from begging on his knees. 

You shook your head in distaste, this was not part of the plan. Actually, there was no plan, but if you had one, this would definitely not be it. This was not how you imagined your lottery internship to turn out. 

“Paul, I am flattered the company believes me to be capable of such an important role,” you breathed, trying to keep a polite smile as your eyes bounced between the bald man and the smirking jerk. “However, I do not think I would be suitable for this role. I made it clear in my internship contract that I will not have my studies affected by this opportunity. Unfortunately, being the secretary of the -”

“I’m sorry to stop you, y/n,” Paul cut you off, not apologetic at all. You bit your cheeks to hold back a sneer. “We have thought about this through, and believe it to be the best plan of action to take right now. Mr Im is new to this company and is temporary, and while we have made a public announcement, he is still on trial.

“We could get someone in a fixed-term confidential contract, but that’s too complicated.”

Your brows furrowed as you disagreed with that, but you didn't say anything. 

“The remaining time left in your contract and Mr Im’s trial period match up perfectly. You already have secretarially role in the company, so you already know the ups and downs, the tricks and tips, so we really believe this is the best way. And about your studies, the summer break began last week. However, if you believe this to be in violation of your contract, we will compensate.”

“Compensate?” You rose an eyebrow, payment would be better than slaving away for free. 

“Pay you, just like any other employee,” Paul smiled happily. Finally seeing some indication of interest from your side. He added, proudly, “with all employee benefits.”

You bit your lip in deep thought. 

You mentally weighed the pros and cons. 

There were pros, so many pros; a better resume, money, free coffee and healthcare, etc. But the con, the big con stared at you in bold, italics, highlighted in large red fonts: you’d be working for Im Jaebum. 

If this was someone else you would have said yes the moment they offered it, even without the benefits. But with Im Jaebum, things got complicated. 

You weren’t sure if he could maintain the professional relationship between the two of you. And if you were being completely honest, you didn’t know if you could maintain it too. 

Even now, with Paul standing at one end of the table, and Jaebum settled on the long side. Your mind couldn’t help thinking about how short your skirt was, and how easy it would be for Jaebum to bend you over the wooden table, and make you a moaning mess. 

It would be quite difficult to maintain professionalism when you’d be spending time alone with him. Or maybe, he would use his position to make you suffer. He might end up not coming to work at all, have you do all his work, and just show up to sign and show his face. 

So much could go wrong with working for Im Jaebum. 

And you also had to consider the fact that you hadn’t talked to him since the elevator incident. 

You haven’t been to Heather’s place, too busy with the piled up assignments all due within the last two weeks. The twenty hours of weekly internship didn’t give you any freed up time either. You didn’t get an opportunity to see Heather, or her boyfriend, Im Jaebum, to have a talk. 

“Oh come on, y/n,” Jaebum smiled at you, making your blood boil instantly. This was the first thing he said to you in the past two weeks and somehow managed to be an arrogant shit-eater when he did. Your glare didn’t make his smile falter as he sang, “It’ll be fun.”

No way. You thought. There is no way you would be able to work for that self-centred, cocky, incredibly hot jerk. 

“We’ll cover your fees.” Paul stopped you before the no on the tip of your tongue tumbled out. You stared at him in shock, as he looked at you expectedly. 

“My university fees?” You asked, shocked.

“Yes, all of it.” He nodded. 

That’s a lot. 

Your eyes fell on Jaebum who smirked at you as if he had the whole entire world at his feet's disposal, and maybe he truly did. He had something similar to that power if the company was willing to go to such extents to make him stay. 

The pros were really starting to outweigh the annoying, irritating con.

“Fine,” you licked your lips, with a sigh. “I’m in.”

Paul almost jumped in his place with excitement, “Thank you, y/n! Thank you so much!”

Paul walked out swiftly muttering something about going to the HR and having a contract formed immediately. Your eyes followed him as he left, remaining on the doors that closed behind him.

You could feel his gaze burning the side of your face, and it truly felt as if you were about to combust. 

“What?” You snarked, turning towards him annoyed. 

Jaebum just snickered as he swirled side to side, carefree, on his chair, “Why are you always so mad, love?” 

You rolled your eyes getting up, “I guess this meeting is over.”

“I didn’t dismiss you, y/n,” Jaebum said, stopping his playful actions. 

“You’re not my boss until I sign that piece of paper, so,” you gave him a middle finger with a tight smile before walking out the office. 

You could hear his light laughter follow you, but you ignored it. 

You stopped in your tracks as you remembered something and entered the room once again. Jaebum looked up at you, surprised, before smiling brightly, “Welcome back.” 

You cursed yourself for returning after such an amazing exit, but there were more pressing matters than your pride. 

“Have you told Heather about what happened?” You closed the door behind you, making sure no one could hear you. 

Jaebum’s eyes danced with amusement, as he shrugged, drawling, “What happened?” 

“In the elevator, Jaebum,” you gritted through your teeth as you stepped closer towards him.

Jaebum’s smiled only grew as he frowned with feigned innocence, “I can’t seem to remember, maybe if you could help me remember.”

His lazy gaze fell to your lips before meeting your eyes again. A spark ignited deep inside you, and you told yourself it was anger; it was an annoyance. 

You clicked your jaw as you smacked your hands onto the desk, leaning over it. Jaebum watched you, carefully, not intimidated a bit, only amused. 

Your eyes narrowed at him, before you smiled sweetly, “You were holding my hand and crying like a child.” 

Jaebum hissed, unaffected, as he tsked, “I can’t seem to remember that.” 

“Did you tell her or not?” You groaned, your annoyance at peak. 

What you would do to this man if you got a chance. He wouldn’t be smiling like that, he’d be begging you for forgiveness, for release. 

Jaebum smirked as if he could read your mind, “No, I didn't.” 

“Good,” you nodded, gulping as his eyes watched you with unsettling darkness. “Don’t.” 

He rose his eyebrow, before nodding, “As you wish, y/n.” 

You turned and felt his gaze watch you as you walked out. You felt it lower, watching your hips as it swayed side to side. Your hand gripped the cool handle as your shoulders sagged slightly. 

You let out a low sigh, “Thanks.” 

You disappeared behind the door before Jaebum could reply. 

“Babe!” Heather sang as her long limbs fell over you loosely. You laughed, as you helped her sit straight. She leaned against you again, snuggling her face into your neck as she hugged you, “I love the way you smell, baby!” 

You chuckled as you patted her red matted hair soiled with glitter and sweat at the back of the Uber, “Thanks Heather, I like how you smell too.” 

“Don’t lie,” you could hear her pout, and it only made you smile. “You always make fun of my feet.” 

“But that’s only after the gym or a hike, Heather,” you told her, as you brushed the hair off her face. 

Heather was completely wasted tonight. 

She was already drunk by the time you walked into the club. Jaebum wasn’t anywhere to be found, and you found her with a group of her “friends” that you didn’t like. 

They would always make her drink too much, give her a little white sugar, and let her waste her platinum card on those low lives. 

You didn’t like the way the guys would touch her as she slumped back onto the couch unable to see straight. You didn’t like the way the girls sitting around would not help her, instead, encourage her to be worse. 

You were mad when you were pulling her away from the crowd and towards the bathroom when you had found Jaebum. He had just got to the club himself but was ready to leave as soon as he saw the state Heather was in. 

He sat on the other side of Heather, holding her purse, as Heather held you from the middle seat. 

Heather mumbled something in return and you couldn’t understand it. 

“By that red letterbox is fine,” you told the Uber driver as he slowed down. 

Jaebum got out first, and you helped Heather onto his back before getting out. You turned to the driver, giving him a small smile, “Thank you.”

“No problem, have a good night,” he said, already accepting a new ride. 

“You too,” you said, as you closed the door. You turned to Jaebum, with Heather hanging her head over his shoulder. Her long ember curls falling down his chest as he grunted and halted her up. 

“Woah, stop,” Heather moaned, heaving. 

Jaebum looked at you with terror in his eyes, and you laughed at him, “Come on, let’s get this party animal into bed.”

“Is this where you live?” Jaebum asked as you led him up the small walk to the door. 

You snorted and shook your head, “No, this is Heather’s home.” 

Jaebum rose his eyebrows, and you continued, as you unlocked the doors, 

“Her parents don’t live in this house anymore, so Heather skips between here and the apartment.” 

You turned the lights on and took in the home that greeted you. 

“They love sure love red, huh?” Jaebum commented, taking in the red couch, red feature wall, and red details spread over the living room and kitchen. 

You laughed at that, agreeing with him. The Blacks sure did take pride in their red-haired heritage, and didn’t hide the fact that it was family’s favourite colour, “Mrs Black was going through an interior design phase.”

“Thank god it was just a phase,” Jaebum snickered, making you turn to him with a pointed look as you tried to hide the smile. 

“She wasn’t too bad,” you replied and began walking towards Heather’s room. 

Jaebum followed behind you, grunting as he adjusted Heather on his back, “No, she was just too red.” 

You rolled your eyes as you opened her bedroom door and walked towards the bed. You pulled down the covers and Jaebum gently set her down. You took off her shoes, and earrings carefully. 

Jaebum didn’t say anything and just watched you as you walked around the room getting out her nightshirt, and face-cleansing products. 

“Why are you looking at me, Jaebum?” You asked, not looking at him. Instead, you pumped out the cleanser on a pad and gently took off the makeup from her face. 

“Is there a problem?” Jaebum asked back, making you snort. 

You gently turned her face and began the other side, “Yes, it’s making me nervous. I can feel you judging me.”

He was probably thinking what everyone else seemed to think when they saw you and Heather. They never saw the whole you both had for each other, how you would do anything for one another. All they saw was Heather in all her brilliance, beauty and wealth, and you, as her second, her side-kick. 

“I’m not judging you,” he replied instantly. 

Something about the way he said it made you believe him. You bit your lip, as folded the dirty make-up pads and put them on the side table.

“Then what are you doing?” You took a wet towel, wiping her face. You patted it dry and misted some toner and moisturiser. You turned back and met Jaebum’s eyes that remained on you, “Why are you looking at me?”

“There’s nothing else to look at,” he simply shrugged. 

You rolled your eyes and pointed to the wall covered with photos of Heather through the years. Most of them had you in them, celebrating every holiday, and some photos from random days when the sun was shining brightly. 

Jaebum stared at the wall as if noticing it for the first time. He got up and slowly walked up towards it. He took in the photos for a while, a small chuckle leaving him sometimes, “How did you two become friends?” 

You smiled at the memory, “She saved me.” 

You stared at your gorgeous friend, as she got up slightly. She searched around, her eyes disappearing as she smiled spotting you, “Oh, you’re here, y/n. I was going to the store on Wednesday.”

She trailed off, falling back into her pillow dozing off again. 

“Her hangover is going to kill her tomorrow,” you turned to Jaebum with a tight smile, as you held up the nightshirt, “I’m going to change her.” 

Jaebum instantly turned on his heels and walked out, closing the doors behind him. 

You walked out to the smell of coffee and Jaebum sitting at the kitchen counter with two mugs in front of him. You furrowed your eyebrows as you settled on the chair in front of him, “Is this poisoned?” 

Jaebum snorted rolling his eyes. 

You blew the coffee before sipping it. It was still searing hot, so you placed it down on the counter, and turned towards Jaebum. 

You took in his midnight hair pushed back, revealing his forehead. You didn’t know you could find someone’s forehead so sexy, but after seeing his hair down while he was at work, you had to admit it was hot. His piercings that were normally missing during office hours had returned too, a few missing. 

You frowned your eyes focusing on his nose and eyebrows, “Why aren’t you wearing all your piercings?” 

“It’s a nuisance putting it on and off,” Jaebum shrugged, before pointing to his lips, his tongue coming out to flick the sliver hoop, “Just wore my favourite.” 

You held your breath, as the image of the cool metal against your lips, flicked by your tongue, gently tugged by your teeth invaded your mind. Your cheeks heated but you continued like nothing was happening to your body. 

“Do you have piercings anywhere else?” 

Jaebum smirked, “If you’re into pierced nipples, I can get them done for you.” 

You groaned, a ridiculous smile on your face as you shook your head, “Can you ever have a conversation without being a prick?” 

“A prick?” he gasped, “that’s a bit harsh. I would say I’m more of a flirt.”

“Oh, so you know? This is a conscious decision. You wake up every day and decide to be the bane of my existence.” 

“I do wake up every morning and think of you,” Jaebum smiled at you. He chuckled, seeing you roll your eyes at him. 

“You’re ridiculous,” you snorted. Jaebum simply shrugged, smiling. 

Something beeped from the kitchen and Jaebum got up. You watched him walk over to the stove and turn it off. He reached for a mug before looking through the drawers for something. 

You narrowed your eyes watching him, “What are you looking for?” 

“Uh... a strainer?” He turned back to you, scratching the back his head. “I don’t know what it’s called.” 

Your heart melted at how adorable he looked standing there, confused and unsure. The smile on his lips was so beautiful as he watched you, waiting for you. 

“The second drawer over there,” you pointed, not looking at him as your cheeks tinted rosy again. 

Jaebum murmured thanks, before using it to drain the liquid from the pot and into the cup, “It’s a hangover tea. My mum makes it for me every time I get too drunk.” 

“You live with your mum?” You asked. Jaebum peered back at you a small smile on his lips. 

“Yeah, but I rarely ever get to see her.” 

“Why’s that?” You frowned. The way Jaebum talked about her, the lightness in his voice and the softness of his smile, told you how much he adored his mother. 

Jaebum shrugged before giving you a cheeky smile, “My house is too big.” 

You laughed at that. You were not expecting that at all. You heard Jaebum’s low chuckle as you sobered up. 

“What about you?” He asked as placed the cup onto a tray with a glass of water and two tablets he found next to the refrigerator. “Do you live alone?”

“Yup,” you nodded, before frowning, “Not even a pet.” 

“No pets?” He asked, sympathetic. 

You nodded, “I’m scared of animals. It doesn’t matter what size, or how well-trained, or what the animal is. I am terrified of them all the same.” 

Jaebum gasped as if you had confessed to a murder, “What is wrong with you?”

“Wow, I thought this was a safe place,” you mumbled before taking a sip from your coffee that had cooled down. You hummed at the taste, he made good coffee. 

“What about your parents?” Jaebum asked, making you stiffen. “Where do they live?” 

You remained quiet. 

You opened your mouth to tell him what you always told anyone who asks. It wasn’t that you were embarrassed or thought it was something to hide. You didn’t want people in your business and telling them to mind their business when they asked only piked up their interest more. 

So you opened your mouth to tell him what you’ve been telling everyone for the past five years, “I don’t live with them.”

Normally you would follow up with something about living here was better for your education or future jobs. You would say something, an excuse, that was reason enough for many young people to move out of their parents home. But what you said surprised you, “I don’t talk to them anymore.” 

“Oh,” was all Jaebum said. “That’s cool too.” 

You peered up at him with a frown. You took in his relaxed gaze, the smile on his face just like it there was a minute ago. There was no sympathy, no pity. There was no spike in interest or anything. 

He really didn’t want to pry. He didn't want to know why unless you told him. He only took as much as you could allow him. 

Suddenly there was an iridescent pond shimmering in your chest. It swirled, making your whole body feel alive as you took in Im Jaebum. It felt as if your entire body was one cell, one tiny speck of dust caught in the breeze of Im Jaebum, and it didn’t mind. 

You gulped, your body and mind acting quicker than you could control, “They couldn’t stand the sight of at me after they found out I was still doing something I promised I wouldn’t do anymore.” 

The faces of your parents appeared in front of your eyes. The shock, anger, the disappointment on their face as they found you lying in a pool of your urine and vomit. The horror in their eyes, their desperateness as they shook your body, pleading for you to reply. 

“They didn't kick me out. I left,” you ran a hand through your hair, as you let out a heavy sigh. You thought of the letter you wrote them, the way they had cried when they came to the hospital to meet you during those months, “I couldn’t hurt them anymore.”

“Do you think you would ever go meet them again?” You looked up to Jaebum watching you. You were thankful for the lack of pity in his eyes as he kept his gaze on you. 

You sighed again, and it came out as a little laugh, “One day I will.” 

You nodded, as you met his eyes. He smiled at you softly, and you smiled back as you scrunched your nose to stop the tears from threatening you, “When I am good enough, I will.” 

“I hope that day comes soon.” 

You didn’t realise Jaebum had come this close to you as you were talking. He leaned against the counter between you, his eyes intently taking you in. He folded his hands on the dark marble, his face leaning half-way over the counter. 

You watched him back. 

He was so beautiful. 

You huffed out a smile as you shook your head at him. Jaebum instantly changed, leaning back, the playfulness in his eyes glinting once again as he rose an eyebrow in question. 

“You’re not too bad, you know?” You smiled at him, before adding, “When you’re acting like a normal human being at least.” 

Jaebum laughed at that before giving you a mocking smirk, “You’re not too bad yourself, y/n.”

You grinned about to say thank you, when he added, “When you’re not acting like a stick is stuck up your ass at least.” 

“What an asshole,” you shook your head, laughing at him. 

Jaebum beamed back, his eyes shining, “What a bitch.” 

You took in the dark flecks in his eyes. You noticed their velvety blackness absorbing all light around it, but something else existed in those captivating eyes of his eyes. They didn’t get dragged away into the twilight of his gaze.  

Instead, it shone brightly. It glistened, it was golden, white and sparkled like a starry night. It dragged you in, it made you want to lean close to him. 

It made you want to place your lips on his and see how that shimmering halo swirled as he pulled you in closer. It made you want to reach for him, to place your hand on his soft cheeks. It made you want to walk around the counter and hug him in the middle of the kitchen littered with red embellishments. 

Jaebum’s smile curled into an easy smirk as he winked at you before turning around. He picked up the tray with a cup of tea, a glass of water and Panadol, as walked towards the door the red-haired beauty was sleeping in. 

Everything had a price. 

Somewhere deep within your heart was a corner buried so deeply in the darkness you had forgotten it existed. The room was cold, dark, and there was nothing. Nothing except for a lone candle standing in the middle of the emptiness. 

There had been nothing there for an eternity, and it was almost like magic. It almost felt like a trick of the eye, but then it happened again. 

A flame, a spark, flickering at the tip of the candle; it sparked again. 

This time it caught on. It burned, slowly getting brighter and livelier. 

You watched Jaebum disappear behind the door of Heather’s room. 

A sharp ache twisted your heart as you saw his broad back enter the dark room she was sleeping in. 

The flame spreading over the wick twisted in shades of ember, their shadows dancing over the room. 

You saw a word, you saw a face. 

You knew the price for this feeling tugging, craving to grow bigger in your heart. You walked into the room, hidden in a deep corner of your heart. The ivory trail of your dress dragged on the dusty floor, turning brown with every step. 

You didn’t look at the walls, you didn’t take in the shapes of the flames. 

You took sharp, clear steps. You reached the candle, the flame reflecting softly against you. You closed your eyes, took in a deep breath and exhaled, blowing out the candle. 

The flame was gone. 

The candle extinguished, the room engulfed in darkness, once again.  

You looked to the wall, the photo was no longer there but the image there was burnt into your mind. 

The price of this feeling was too expensive. 

It was too precious, and you couldn’t afford it.

[cuntess-carmilla]

Common traits of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome

I’m not a doctor, so there may be some details off here though tbh chronically ill people usually know more than most doctors. I'm making this post because there’s very little awareness about this, and people who fit the diagnosis criteria end up never being diagnosed and suffering in silence, even risking early deaths, as I now suspect happened to my grandma.

Definition:

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) is a group of disorders that affect connective tissue. It’s a genetic disorder that has no cure, but does have palliative treatments depending on the type of EDS.

All types of EDS are characterized by abnormal collagen synthesis. This doesn’t mean that you have too little collagen (necessarily?), but that the collagen your body synthesizes is and will always be altered or of bad quality, regardless of how much of it you synthesize.

EDS is regarded as “rare” by most doctors, but many patients believe it’s more common than they think, only being so “rare” on paper because doctors perceive it as rare, so they don’t diagnose patients despite fitting the criteria (search why EDS communities use the zebra as a symbol). Due to this, EDS communities encourage self-diagnosis, and many times even self-treatment.

Abnormal collagen sounds like it’s “only” one thing, but collagen is a key structural protein ALL over the body, so if your collagen is wrong, a lot of things are wrong or at the very least unusual. As a result, EDS affects the skin, ligaments, joints, blood vessels and other organs (including gastrointestinal organs and the uterus).

Common traits and symptoms:

Please, keep in mind that these symptoms don’t have to be super extreme to count. EDS symptoms range from mild to severe. Most of my symptoms aren’t remarkably visible to the eye, but they’re still bad enough that I suffer tremendously and it affects every single aspect of my life.

Take into account that many of the following traits/symptoms aren’t exclusive to EDS, but if you have more than one or two...

Joint hypermobility: Being "double jointed". The joints are so lax, that they luxate or even dislocate for as much as staying still in the same position too long. It can affect some joints, or all joints, small joints or big joints. It obviously comes associated with joint pain, including chronic joint pain. Can also manifest as scoliosis.

Skin elasticity: You can pull your skin (by pinching it) and it stretches more than the skin of most people. This can, in some cases, make EDS patients prone to skin sagging.

Abnormal scarring: The skin of people with EDS is fragile and elastic, and takes longer to heal. Abnormal scarring includes “cigarette paper” scarring, keloids, slow scarring and healing, higher propensity to stretch marks, post-inflammatory hyper-pigmentation.

Bruising too easily: The blood vessels of people with EDS are fragile to one degree or another. This makes us prone to bruising easily or dramatically, to the point some present spontaneous bruising. Spontaneous bruising might point to vascular EDS, in which case please seek medical help because it’s the most dangerous form of EDS. There’s cases recorded of parents who’ve been falsely accused of beating their children because of the child’s easy or spontaneous bruising.

Digestive and/or nutritional issues: GUESS what intestines and other digestive organs are made of. Yes, collagen. People with EDS are prone to having delicate digestive systems (IBS, nausea, constipation, diarreah and food allergies included), and/or difficulty absorbing the nutrients from our diet. This trait can be bad enough that the patient needs to be fed through a tube or have nutrients injected into their bloodstream, but most of us do fine with regular nutritional supplements (I recommend multivitamins and minerals). Among other things, the nutrient absorption issue makes us prone to excessive hydration due to imbalance of water-salt intake or absorption, and that’s a REALLY bad thing. It made my hair fall off MASSIVELY for years, and intensified my pain, brain fog and fatigue.

Chronic fatigue: Between the physical pain and bad nutrient absorption, most if not all of us experience chronic fatigue (as a symptom, not the disorder). This isn’t just being tired, it’s being exhausted to your bones for no reason all the time, even if you’ve done absolutely nothing in weeks. Might be pervasive, might be recurrent.

Muscle pain: When you have EDS Everything Hurts™. This can be exacerbated in EDS patients by imbalance of water-salt intake (generally leaning towards excessive hydration, but can be dehydration too).

Chronic pain: Everything Hurts™... All the time. It’s a general pain expanded throughout your body that just won’t go the fuck away no matter what you do. Except that this can be exacerbated by imbalance of water-salt intake too! Fixing mine made my chronic and muscle pain so much more bearable to the point that on a good day it’s GONE (just remember, your pee should NEVER be even close to clear, it should just not be solidly opaque, and you could damage your kidneys too by drinking too much water).

Brain fog: Linked to chronic fatigue and pain (ALSO POSSIBLY THE WATER-SALT INTAKE). Like chronic pain and fatigue, it’s not necessarily present every single day, but be recurrent instead. You can’t think. You can’t read or process what you read. You can’t turn thoughts into words. Your grammar goes to shit. You can’t retain or process new information. You can’t remember words that you KNOW you know. You can’t remember things in general. Someone asks you a simple question and it’s like they’re speaking to you in another language. You start to feel increasingly frustrated and desperate because you’re constantly disoriented and your mind is lagging like an old computer running on a 256 MB RAM memory. ERROR 404 BRAIN NOT FOUND TRY AGAIN LATER. Well, turns out you are not dumb, your body is not cooperating with you, and that includes your brain.

Asthma: Highly comorbid. Just... Everything is made of collagen, pal. EVERYTHING.

Autism: Don’t ask me why, but EDS and autism are highly comorbid too, so if you’re in the autism spectrum (same hat) and experience any or many of the other symptoms/traits listed, it’s very likely that you also have EDS.

Depression: It’s really hard to be "positive”, have any motivation or enjoy anything, when NOTHING in your body works right, Everything Hurts™ and you’re so depressingly exhausted that all you CAN do is lay in bed all day. People and doctors telling you you’re “faking it”, people thinking you’re lazy, underestimating how much pain and fatigue you’re going through, having to pull through all of that anyway because you have no other option (ie. your job is your or your family’s only source of income) does not help AT ALL with this.

Tight/narrow “inner plumbing”: In my case, my throat is so narrow, that swallowing one (1) small pill is genuinely difficult, and big pills make me GAG. But its not just your throat, it’s ALL your plumbing being too tight or narrow.

Varicose veins: The whole blood vessels being fragile thing. Most common in vascular EDS, please seek help if you think you may have that specific type.

Thin “transparent” soft skin: Again... FUCKING COLLAGEN. I think it’s obvious what this one means? Except it’s likely that it’s harder to notice the “transparent” part of it on darker skinned patients, but if you’re pale or light skinned, you’d be one of those people whose veins are very easy to see.

“Moldable” nails: Yet again, collagen is everywhere. Some of my nails (index and middle fingers) are slightly deformed because I tend to clench my hands A LOT by instinct and the continued pressure changed their shape.

Aracnodactilia, or “spidery” hands/fingers: The fingers are very skinny and long in proportion to the rest of the hand, can apply to feet too. Having very narrow feet (ie. your shoes are always to wide for you) is part of this.

Gynecological issues or abnormalities: Excessive bleeding during your period, bleeding outside your period, infertility, spontaneous abortions, pre-term labor, high risk pregnancies. Very common with vascular EDS too.

Dry eyes: I didn’t know about this one until like, literally two days ago but apparently it’s a thing, since the test this Chilean EDS specialist we’re hoping to see gives you, includes it as a potential symptom.

“Elongated” body, face (and its features) and/or limbs: Actually the aracnodactilia is often part of this. I also have no idea why but many EDS patients have “elongated”, narrower features, be it subtle or very visible.

Chronic fatigue and brain fog are really hard to describe properly to people who don’t go through them. Hell, even to people who DO go through them. So here’s two videos by Jessica Kellgren-Fozard (just in case, she was misdiagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but discovered recently that she has EDS, besides her neurological condition). All her videos have CC.

[frenchie-sottises]

Skelebros Headcannons.

No one asked for these, but whatever. Also, there may be some triggers, so be aware. (It’s mainly trauma stuff.)

Also, this is like, super fucking long. I included quite a few versions.

Papyrus:

- Is over 7′9 without the boots. He’s 7′11 with them. - Smarter than he looks. (I might as well say that this is confirmed cause he apparently knows of Sans’s ability to prank people across time and space.) - Isn’t the best cook when it comes to dishes other than spaghetti, but that doesn’t mean he can’t learn. Excellent baker though! - He didn’t jump out of the window because he forgot the door exists. It’s his way of being comedic. (And it worked.) - He loves Sans’s puns, but he only gets so salty because he feels like the timing could be better. - Almost burned down the house once when he tried to make spaghetti the way Undyne did it, so he learned to tone tf down. He only gets rambunctious when he cooks with Undyne cause, come on, it’s fun to go nuts every now and again. - Isn’t afraid to curse, but he doesn’t do it cause it’s rude.

Sans:

- Is over 5′2 and is literally big boned. (All the Sanses are, really.) - Doesn’t actually know that Papyrus loves his puns. - The jacket he wears is something he made, so this means he’s good at sewing. - He went outside without a shirt once, so when he made the joke about the cold going through him, he opened his jacket as the wind went through. He got sick like a dumbass hours later. - Speaking of dumbasses, he managed to get Papyrus to call him one for getting sick. He’s managed to get Papyrus to cuss also. (They still love each other dearly, don’t worry.) - He totally doesn’t have PTSD. Nope, not at all. It’s definitely not from the genocide routes and seeing his brother get killed multiple times. - Because of his trauma and not having the proper resources to help it, he suffers a form of CFS. (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.)

Edge:

- Is over 7′10 without the boots. Is 8′2 with them. - No one knows how he can wear heels in the snow. (He runs in them for crying out loud.) - Can be easily flustered when it comes to flirting, but when he’s in the mood to be saucy? Oh boy. - Is practically a professional chef and baker. Undyne’s lessons made him realize that he has to teach himself if he wants to provide decent meals. - Is rough with his brother, but he isn’t straight up mean. It’s more along the lines of him struggling to be kind and gentle out in public. - Half of his encounters usually don’t involve him doing anything. He’s just that intimidating. - People mostly know him for being loud and angry 24/7, but this isn’t always the case. He can control his volume when he needs to, and is actually pretty damn tame. It’s pretty rare to see him genuinely angry.

Red:

- Is the shortest Sans in this list standing at 5′0. - His sweating mostly comes from him trying not to piss off his brother despite the fact that said brother’s made it clear that he would never be angry at him. - He has PTSD, but due to the environment, his symptoms tend to be worse. - He’s resorted to cutting himself several times. His brother has no clue though. - Struggles with his moral code more than his brother. He’s torn between following his own path and suffering possible consequences from the king, and being loyal to the king at all costs to avoid his wrath. - His shoes are always untied, so it’s not uncommon to see him on the ground face down. - If given the chance to take his mind off of things, he will take it. Drugs are off-hands though. You can thank Edge for that.

Stretch:

- Is over 7′6 when he’s not slouching. - The cig’s gonna be lit, but he doesn’t smoke. He only does it cause it makes him look cool. - He actually doesn’t use any drugs, but he did get himself high one time via weed brownies for pure shits and giggles. Boy, was he high off his ass. - Unlike the classic Sans, his jokes have better timing. He’s made Blueberry laugh several times. - “I can make every dirty joke in existence... AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME!” - Stretch at one point in time. - Has an endless supply of hoodies and it confuses his brother to this day. - He’s learned to give mercy while making you wish you were dead. (I may or may not have watched Rising of the Shield Hero.)

Blueberry:

- Is over 5′6 with the boots. Is only 5′5 without them. - Has a bod that screams the power to wrestle BEARS. - Someone teach him how to cook. He keeps overcooking the fucking TACO MEAT- - He has the body of a himbo, the personality of a himbo, and the mind of a himbo- okay, maybe the last one is a little inaccurate. He can be pretty smart. - May or may not be a bit of a perv. - His smile is so bright that it lightens up just about everyone’s moods. - Is a fantastic artist and no one can tell him otherwise.

Pup (Swapfell):

- Is over 7′3 when he’s not slouching. - Does actually smoke. - His blind eye was given from his brother playing far too rough. - He likes to rob people, but will learn to stop if the victim is shown to be far too powerful for him to handle. - Despite his not-so-welcomed attitude, when he’s put in a place where there is no threat of his brother, he can be quite friendly. - Has tried to feel people up in the past, but constantly keeps having his ass handed to him. - Makes only dirty jokes.

Blackberry (Swapfell):

- Is over 5′7 with the boots. Is only 5′4 without them. - Really needs his ass handed to him. - He can say he loves his brother all he wants. Doesn’t excuse why he treats him like shit. - He tends to poison his food when it comes to others. It could possibly contribute to why his brother steals other’s money. (And by “poison”, I mean he’s not a good cook. At all.) - Although he fights a lot, his body doesn’t quite match up to par, and he hates it. - Is easily jealous and possessive. - Surprisingly doesn’t actually swear when he swears.

Slim (Fellswap Red):

- Is over 7′3, and he doesn’t slouch. - Has the fluffiest jacket in existence and wears a lot of the bigger collars. - Is an absolute sweetheart when his brother’s not around. (More so than Red.) - Although he often drinks hot sauce, he’d rather prefer BBQ sauce. - Actually handles his PTSD better than his other lazy counterparts. - Has a bad habit of falling in love too easily. - Is very reserved and quiet for the most part.

Bloodberry (Fellswap Red):

- Is over 5′9 with the boots. Is only 5′6 without them. - Has a bad tendency to be saucy with someone he likes. - Is a decent cook when it comes down to it. - Also struggles with being kind in public. - Has taken a liking to archery. He’s even become good at it. - He hates the queen, but mainly because she’s always cruel to her subjects. He hopes to overthrow her for the betterment of the kingdom. - Unlike Blackberry, he does care for his brother.

Wine (Fellswap Gold):

- Is over 7′4, and he doesn’t slouch. - Since he mostly writes, he’s become a very good writer and artist. - Whenever he’s given a compliment, he sits in silence. He usually doesn’t receive them, so when he does, he kind of just.. breaks. - Like his blacklist, he has a list of names of those who have been extremely kind to him. - Tries not to become someone who has to depend on someone else. - He has days where the braces on his canines hurt like all hell, so he’ll wind up with tears in his eyes. - The constant oppression gets to him sometimes. He isn’t violent, but he will continuously cry and whimper.

Coffee (Fellswap Gold):

- Is over 6′0 with the boots. Is only 5′10 without them. - Wants to try and fix the kingdom so its people aren’t so oppressed. - Will be there for his brother within seconds. - Learned to be a decent cook for his brother. - The oppression gets to him also, but it’s mainly from the people. - A lot of the clothes he and his brother wear are from his own hands. - Has taught his brother some military fighting to protect himself as he is related to someone who the people hate.

Axe (Horrortale):

- Is the biggest Sans on this list standing at 6′7. - Is also the strongest in terms of physical strength. - Really needs to stop seeing human flesh and regular food as the same thing. - To those he cares for, he becomes almost like a guard dog but 10x scarier. - None of the Sanses and Papyruses aside from his own brother mess with him. - If someone is not scared of him for whatever reason, he has some respect for that. He just doesn’t really show it. - Gets easily spooked by really loud noises.

Everest (Horrortale):

- The tallest Papyrus standing at 9′2 with the boots. He’s only 9′0 without them. This also assumes he isn’t slouching, but he always is. - After being without food for so long, he struggles to not eat human flesh. - His kindness challenges classic Papyrus’s. - He hit a growth spurt far too early, and it’s why he’s slouching. (It’s kind of like he suffered Gigantism, but he stopped growing eventually.) - Compared to the other active counterparts, he’s the weakest. - Because of him being so thin, he tends to freeze far more easily. - When he’s pushed in a corner, he will fight back, but it’s best if his brother is with him.

And that ends that. I had these ideas going for a while, so I decided to spill them here. Hope y’all like these.

[uselesstimetraveler]

It's been over a week now since the AOS finale and I still haven't had the heart to rewatch it, so I'm just gonna share with you my opinions from that night (I wrote most of this the next day, just haven't posted yet lol)

It was next level excellent, overall, but I have A LOT to say, this is gonna be long

YES TO EVERYTHING DANIEL RELATED!!! The thing I loved the most was that they made him so useful, he wasn't just helping Daisy or doing whatever people told him to do, he actually had a great idea and executed it with Mack’s total support. He went to action and it gave me LIFE!

Another thing that gave me life was the philindaisy moment at the bar. I’m a sucker for them. When Daisy got there and hugged Coulson I was AAAAAAA and then she went to hug May and you see her stop, like, “oops, should I?” AND THEN MAY HUGS HER HERSELF!! Now, you can argue that May is an empath and felt Daisy’s emotions at that moment, but lemme tell y’all THAT WAS NOT JUST DAISY’S FEELINGS, THAT WAS MELINDA MAY'S GENUINE HAPPINESS FROM SEEING THAT HER DAUGHTER MADE IT BACK SAFELY!!! Try to convince otherwise and fail miserably. My family is just perfect like that.

The Fitzsimmons reunion scene I WAS SOBBING from the moment she realised the key was her ring!!! AND THEN FITZ JUST xkskdxkkm COMES BACK LIKE THAT kxsmkdsms I CAN’T djkskdsjsms I WILL NEVER EVER GET OVER THAT!!! That whole thing was genius, honestly. They were truly able to take a hard situation in which an important actor wouldn’t be able to be there for most of the season and used it amazingly to their advantage. And then Fitz HELPED HER REMEMBER BY TELLING THOSE STORIES = MORE TEARS. That whole scene was beautiful. AND WHEN SHE REMEMBERS ALYA OH MY GOD by that point I was screaming. Btw, I love how they chose their daughter’s name, it’s beautiful and has an even more beautiful meaning for them <3

Since I’m already talking about Fitzsimmons I’m just gonna go ahead and say that their ending was so well deserved. They suffered a lot, literally every season some shit would happen to them. I’m so glad they got their happy ending and are right now living their best life as a family <3 fitzsimmons family = everything to me. (are there any Fringe stans in here????? Did y’all notice that parallel at the end? If not, let me explain: aos: jemma sitting on the grass seeing fitz and alya playing together and smiling. Fringe: olivia sitting on the grass seeing peter and etta playing together and smiling. BOTH ON THE LAST EPISODE!! And both episodes were number 13. This is too much for my heart.)

About Deke: I really love that he was the one to “sacrifice” himself for the team. I’m not really a fan of Deke, but I was glad that he did what he always wanted, in a way; Contribute significantly to the team and be acknowledged as part of said team. It felt to me that by doing that he was doing what he often tried, but no one ever really took him seriously enough to allow him to do. I think he was selfless and then ended up finding his true place, after all. Nicely done, if you ask me.

On that note, and shifting back to Daniel once more: when he said he was gonna be the one to stay behind I was like “NO YOU’RE NOT! Don’t even think about it. You, buddy, are going with Daisy.” What was he thinking? (I know what, and I know it was brave and selfless of him, but just let me have my moment, okay?) 

Now the answer to ending the war was empathy?????????? GENIUS!!! Mojed, you went beyond terrific there. I love everything evolving May in that part of the finale, how she dropped from the ceiling calling herself The Calvary (talk about character development!!!) to philinda fighting together and exchanging looks, to her saving the freaking world with her empath abilities!!!! I have some serious goosies just remembering. 

Something else that was just genius to me was that they were the ones at the temple, THEY CARRIED MAY OUT OF THERE, I did NOT see that coming. WHAT?! 

OH! And what about what Piper asked for??? She asked for Davis!! That’s adorable! That had me crying too, I love their friendship.

Now Kora. I was a little bothered about how fast things happened for her and Daisy on the sister bonding thing. Like, don’t get me wrong, I like that her and Daisy ended up working on the same team for SHIELD and that they were in a good place in their relationship, but what I’m saying is that Kora hated Daisy’s guts on one scene and Daisy had literally said a couple episodes ago that she did have a sister, but it was Jemma, and then Daisy died, and I liked that Kora saved her, is just that I got a vibe off of them in that scene that seemed like they had the best kind of sister bond for ages. Was that just me? Maybe, but hey ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

That’s not really a problem, I'm just saying.

Btw, when Daisy died for, like, two seconds, I was out of my mind!!!! I couldn’t even scream, I just froze in place. Thank God or whomever that she was brought back to life. I wouldn't be able to continue without my baby.

Now back to philinda and probably the only "complaint" I have: Let us agree, despite wanting them to be together in the end, there was very little chance of that really happening, right? Because he’s a robot now. But I did have a lot of hope, those episodes >>gave me<< a lot of hope. Y’know, in episode 12 they had that moment talking in the hallway, the explosion happened, he protected Melinda... I was like, “that’s my couple right there, you guys”. Then at the fighting scene they exchanged some looks at the end that really left me “it’s coming, people. Their happy ending.” It didn’t come. I took another blow to the face. A blow that was expected, yes, but a blow nonetheless. 

I wasn’t all that excited about Coulson’s ending at first, you know, him just traveling the world, but I understand what they did and why. He’s still getting used to his new self and rediscovering his life, so it makes sense that he would need time to do that. That last scene with Lola was simply EVERYTHING TO ME tho!!!! 

But May’s ending… the thing is, I had a lot of expectations for how she would end up. Throughout the seasons something that was very clear to me was her desire to be a mother and I know that she built that relationship with the youngest agents on the team, but I kinda expected, aside from philinda endgame, more of that. But my biggest problem here isn’t even that, is that I really, REALLY don’t see Melinda May giving lectures????? Melinda May? The woman who now calls herself The Calvary, teaching theory or history or whatever???? I’m not saying she can’t, I’m just saying I never thought of that as a possibility for her, it sounds more like a Coulson thing to me. But then again, that’s all they showed us from her life. They gave us very little details about how she (and everyone else, honestly) is living and I think in a way I like that because it lets us imagine whatever we want. So she could very easily just be there at the academy for one lecture, she could be training (physically?) new agents instead? IDK. Also, Flint was there, they could have built a relationship. Mentor\mentee like hers with Daisy at first or even mother\son? I’d like that. I like the “found family” thing. 

I have two ideas of fanfiction out of the finale. The first one is a Dousy that I had already thought of and completely fits with one thing that Daisy said, and the other is basically a Philinda fix it because, well, I want to. I'm very lazy when it comes to my writing, but I really wanna do these two, let's see how that turns out.

[biotchthatmeows]

#tw #suicideawarness #triggering #depression #suicide #substanceabuse

Ah! So suicide awareness month eh. Well I don't know where to burst out exactly because people don't really care about it but ok let's try it here at good ol' Tumblr.

So, where I live we don't have any suicide helpline or any awareness programs or anything at all regarding mental health. I mean don't get me wrong we would adapt western media full fledge when it's Valentine's Day or some other ridiculous thing but no one wants to talk about suicide because it doesn't bring trp and people are already sad and I agree it's true.

But we gotta talk about suicide, man, come on. I am sorry but at least I think I should.

I have never really openly said it but I have given hints many times. But I am openly saying it that I suffer from very severe depression and anxiety plus Bipolar personality disorder. Which means I am either going through maniac episode or depressive episode almost everyday (you can Google them).

And yes, I have tried to kill myself multiple times. And turns out like most things in my life I am not really good at it. Since, I am writing this. Which is why whoever is reading this, I am taking your time (thanks btw).

I was always a little different since my childhood as compared to others. I liked being alone a lot and writing things instead of talking to a person. Because whenever I tried to make a friend I would do something wrong and they go away. So, at one point I stopped trying and I realized something that people around me dont really like me.

Even my teachers kind of didn't like me because I would just randomly ask the most peculiar questions. For example when we were reading *book spoiler* George Orwell's 1984, everyone in the class was worried for the hero when he was being tortured but I asked or told my teacher that 'okay so, his fear for the mouse was bigger than the love for the girl and it okay to betray her?' and everyone was like that was not the point. I am sorry, I got districted and I am sure most people wouldn't get the reference.

Anyway, my point is that I always had and have questions about things when people should keep their mouth shut. At least one shouldn't questioned these things.

But that is still the thing with me, when you or someone makes a prominent statement there should be a reason or at least an explanation behind it but I was called blasphemous for questioning them. And that was fine with me but calling me blasphemous didn't get you out of the position of not able to justify your statement.

So, throughout my life I was called many things, spoiled, brat, weird, drama queen, actress, attention seeker. I can go on and on.

I don't know about rest of the names but I am pretty sure I wasn't spoiled. My parents were never the type to hand over the money because you asked for it. They were kind of people who wouldn't even give you money even when you actually need and beg for it. They would give you the thing instead that you need the money for or you don't get it at all for example school picnics and events or the bag you really really wanted.

So, well when you don't get things. You eventually start doing bad things such lying a lot and stealing stuff. And it keeps growing and growing and even though deep down you know how wrong you are but then you don't know how to stop because you are getting things you want.

Okay, off the topic again. What I am trying to say that I was maybe lot of things that people said but I wasn't spoiled. I was physically abused and eventually realize mentally abused too. And things weren't really okay with me. I won't take it like most people do.

My brain wouldn't stop thinking about them and I was becoming more and more irrational as days goes by. And I was thinking what if I was dead and that would make things lot more easier for me and the people around me.

Eventually, that idea became more and more intense and growing around I always heard people say that if a person kills themself they would never be forgiven and it was the greatest sin ever.

But then those people would also say that not praying is the greatest sin and you won't be forgiven for that ever.

And then not believing in one God is also the biggest is of all sin and you won't be forgiven for that ever.

And then saying hurtful things to people is also the biggest sin and you won't forgiven until that person forgives you.

So, which one was the biggest sin? All of them? Because then those same people would say that God would forgive you for all your sins if you repent and because God is most forgiving. Even more forgiving then your own mother.

So, my curious brain once again started asking questions. For which again I was told that I shouldn't because it was wrong and blasphemy.

Meanwhile, my mental health was decling day after day but no one really noticed because in our society their is no such thing as mental health. Either you are crazy or lazy, hey that rhymes.

I was pretty much deemed both.

Mostly, lazy but then there is a solution for that in our society for as well. Get married! Tada! Because when you are married it fixes everything! And anything.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that I obviously despiced the marriage thing. Because I knew I couldn't do it.

Someone who can barely keep themself put together, cannot handle the responsibility of the marriage and of course I wasn't interested in anyone. I mean of course I had crushes and stuff but unlike most girls/women my age I never went as far as thinking about marriage all the time. Which was happening at that time all around me.

People were keen to get married or getting married.

And I don't know why people thought it's about time I should get married too and everytime the situation like that came along I would have the worst kind of panic attacks. I couldn't eat or drink or sleep and I had to fight and fight to make the situation go away.

But you can't win every time now, can you? Eventually, I was forced into getting engaged and I can't explain how horrible each second for me during that time was. But once got lucky enough get out of it and it was happiest day of entire life. Well just for me of course. Everyone around me was pretty bumped but I was selfish because I got out of it.

And the worst part of the whole thing that bugged me was that guy was honestly horrible. He called me fat and then his family came around to inspect me like a cattle because my family told them I wasn't fat. What a wonderful thing to your child. Really helped my self esteem.

He couldn't even spell aunty right. Yeah he wrote 'unty' and apparently his parents bragged he went and study in Australia. So, if Australians wrote aunty like that, then I suppose I was being a little judgy.

Anyhow, I was so relieved. It was like I could breathe again. But obviously it wasn't the end of it.

Things like that don't don't just end for people in our society. Situations like that kept happening and my parents was getting desperate at this point because duh! I was growing old and who would marry an old girl even when like they 10 years older her.

During the period of my engagement my mental health was at its worse and it was getting worse everyday. I was constantly having panic attacks and one day out pity I was finally taken to the doctor not a psychologist or psychiatrist but just a normal doctor.

Lucky for me that guy prescribed a magical pill which fixed everything, for a while and I loved it. The minute I would take that pill everything would become normal. I would even stopped caring about the engagement thing till that pill lasted.

I didn't know at first what it was but then I figured it out and I would go out buy shit ton of them because it fixed things for a while.

In short I was addicted to vallium and then I found out there are other pills like that such as Xanax and plenty of other and as long as I had money no one cared who they selling these pills too and it wasn't like I was buying them from some shady person. I was actually buying them from legit pharmaceutical shops.

So, whenever situations like those came around or at that any other point I faced problems I would take those pills but then I realized that eventually that they stopped working so I increased the doses for them to work and the doses increased and increased. At one point I was taking a box each day just for a moment of calm. And years went by and so did the amount of pills I was literally throwing my whole month of salary on them.

Then my family finally noticed that something was off because I never had money and I wasn't exactly

buying anything so where was the money going? Also I was sleeping a lot and starting to forget things which was pretty out character for me.

I was confronted and given an ultimatum. So, for a week or more I think I didn't take any pills but then I was taking them for years now and you are not supposed to suddenly stop them. But I didn't know that at that time.

And that was my first attempt to kill myself. But then things happen, bad things, and they kept happening and happening. Finally came a point where no one was to stop me from taking pills or trying to kill myself.

By then I had committed multiple attempts to kill myself. I was self harming long before that but after that it had gotten much worse. And my last attempt was this year but instead of dying I went into a seizure which lasted 48 hours and even after that I wasn't able move my tounge properly and certain part of my body for a month.

That was the first time I was scared of suicide. Because I was not able to do anything on my own. I bit tounge so hard that it bled and broke a teeth. It worse than dying.

I was finally taken to the hospital and a real psychiatrist who finally diagnosed me with my illness.

Yet still, some people think I make things up because I did them in the past but that shit was real and anyone who say I act crazy to get attention, then I swear to you that you wouldn't wish that condition on your worst enemy.

Talking about all this wasn't to let my heart out or anything. I just want to tell you and anyone who understands to realise that mental illness is very very real and it's a nightmare that doesn't go away. That only problem it is not visible like other diseases. It's just like having a cancer but imagine you can't see that cancer.

And being suicidal is not a joke, no one wants to end their lives on purpose. Everyone wants to live.

But just think for a moment from prespective of the person that their brain had been through enough that it thought that life is not worth living anymore. And if it's a sin then they are ready to go to hell because imagine life being worse than hell.

I know this is already a really long post but I needed to bring this up because recently I was having conversation with colleagues about what we should about suicide awareness month and I was like maybe make post to empathize with people who go through this horrible rough path but my colleagues suggested that they should put this religious script which says that anyone commits suicide will never be forgiven and will forever be in hell.

And this was coming from the person who doesn't pray at all. I was like what about you? I wasn't judging him. I was like so you won't go to hell and be there forever?

And he was like I will be forgiven but people who commits suicide they will not be. And he was so confident that he even said that you will see on the day of judgment that people who didn't pray will be eventually forgiven but there is no way for people who had committed suicide to be forgiven.

And I was like okay, wow! Because there is literally no point with arguing or trying to make people like them understand because they won't. And I know many, actually forget many but most people would agree with him. Because they don't even accept mental illness as illness at all and if you are sad/depressed you must not be praying or need to pray more.

But, I pray for those ignorants who make fun of mental illness and suicide and call it attention seekers or actors when it is desperate cry for help.

[almostsunshine-a]

            𝐠𝐞𝐭      𝐭𝐨      𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰      𝐭𝐡𝐞      𝐦𝐮𝐧    ! !

———  BASICS  !  ♡

(PEN)NAME  :  steph/count(either is fine with me tbh).

PRONOUNS  :  she   /   her.

ZODIAC  SIGN  :  aquarius.

TAKEN  OR  SINGLE  :  taken.

———  THREE  FACTS  ! ♡

i have a lazy eye that i had surgery on and before that surgery i couldn’t see shit out of it,my left eye is my stronger eye and the surgery uh didn’t quite fix it but now i can see out of that eye so that’s the only plus lmao.

i suffered from really bad jra(Juvenal rheumatoid arthritis) growing up,i had to take loads of different medications for the pain and it sucked some worked,some didn’t and one medication made me vomit right after so yeah that was fun lmao. i’m in remission now,thankfully,only get occasional pain in my joints. i hope it doesn’t come back i hated the medications they put me on and the constant doctor’s visits.

i love reading about serial killers and knowing what made them turn out the way they are,how they got to the point where they just said ‘’fuck it’’ and decided to become serial killers. it fascinates me to know end and i could tell you loads of facts about shit you probably don’t want to know. i probably sound cringe af but i am passionate about learning about them and reading/watching everything i can on whomever i am learning about.

———  EXPERIENCE  !  ♡

i have been writing different characters since myspace was popping,i started writing them when i was probably 14,or 15,and when myspace died i found tumblr and started my mass collection of muses on here,which you’ve probably seen floating around here and there. i have made a shit load of mistakes on here and regrets and have learned from them and am trying to move on from those past mistakes,and be a better person/writer on here. i keep coming back to this hellsite even if it literally kills me to be on at times but the friends i have made and kept through this site are what makes it worth coming back and sticking around. 

———  MUSE  PREFERENCE  !  ♡

my muse preference has always been oc’s,i have never ever written canon muses i have so much creativity that i constantly come up with muses in my head and decide on who to write. at one point i’ve had at least three from different fandoms,mainly horror and sticking them in the ahs verse. i had an urge to write violet harmon forever,really,she’s always been my favorite female character in all the ahs seasons and i hope i can bring her to life and do her justice like she deserves. while i miss my oc’s,i’m having fun trying out canon muses for a change and might bring back my oc’s later in the year depending on how my mental health is.

———  FLUFF  /  ANGST  /  SMUT  !  ♡    

FLUFF   :   i love fluff but i kinda suck at it since most of my oc’s were always hardasses who didn’t know how to reciprocate feelings/emotions and would constantly brush them off lmao. fluff is alright,though it really would have to depend on the connection mine and your muse has in order for us to get anywhere because my oc’s are stubborn as fuck.

ANGST   :   my jam. i am always down for angst,its my favorite thing to write and i wish people were more open to writing the darker things but i can understand where people come from on that aspect,it isn’t everyone’s jam and i’m okay with that but uh if you ever want to,you know who to hit up.

SMUT   :   i can write smut but tbh i chose not to solely because i think i am god awful at writing it. and sometimes it does make me uncomfortable and my oc’s uncomfy at times,they don’t take expressing love very well and it honestly depends on who i am writing with in order to pursue smut.

PLOT  /  MEMES   :  memes are neat and i love responding to them and having that plot in mind through memes,it just makes it so much easier for me honestly and less pressure. i can wing plot ideas or just like standard plots i already have but i am very flexible with plotting.

tagged   by   :  @severedleft

tagging   :   @noblecide , @timidstrcngth , @pcnleft , @mrdiva , @shotbitch  & everyone else 

[yikesharringrove]

so i just read Flowers for Yikes and i really love what you guys are doing! If you're taking requests, I'd love to see a college/university au with lines 4. “I… think I love you.” + 17. “I’ve gone through some real shit in my life, but… you make my present and future seem so much more brighter.” you know i love you!

@xgardensinspace we’re famous omg.

Thank you for your request! I am always taking requests, I love doing them so much. You’re so sweet! ily!

4. “I… think I love you.”

7. “I’ve gone through some real shit in my life, but… you make my present and future seem so much more brighter.”

I love a good college/university au. This is also modern au 😊 (feat. dyslexic Steve bc of course it does, it’s me)

Read on AO3

Prompts!

Flowers for Yikes can be found here! Written for me by @xgardensinspace

Steve was gnawing on a pen.

He was sitting in the chair outside of the tutoring rooms in the library. He had a standing appointment with Billy, easily the smartest undergraduate tutor in the joint, but also easily the most gorgeous man Steve had ever seen.

He was totally jacked, thick in the most delicious way with long curly blonde hair he made a show of sweeping into a bun with one of the many different colored scrunchies he owned. He had these eyes that made Steve melt, blue and kind and sharp in a way that made Steve go hot every time they were trained on him.

Billy also had a reputation, horror stories of people going to him for help and winding up in tears as he told them their papers were shitty, that they were idiots for doing their math homework incorrectly, that they should drop out now, save their parents the money.

But he was always so gentle with Steve, softly explaining where he went wrong, how he good make his arguments stronger, giving him tools like an online citation generator when Steve was too confused and down on himself for not remembering how to create an MLA 8 citation.

Maybe it was because Steve had cried and called himself stupid the first time they met. Steve hoped it had something to do with the tightness in his gut whenever Billy’s eyes met his and his face lit up with a smile.

The door to their regular room swept open and a freshman came out, face beet red, clutching papers covered in Billy’s red scrawl. Steve shot up, gathering himself and heading into the room.

“Jesus Christ, Pretty Boy, it’s good to fuckin’ see you. Some people on this campus are idiots.” Billy was leaning back in his chair, rubbing his hands down his face in a long-suffering way. “So what have you got for me today?”

“Well, I, um. This one is kinda, kinda different. It’s for that stupid seminar I have to take for my core credits, and its-we had to write about what makes us the most insecure, so I need you, I mean, just read it and don’t focus on, on what it says.” Steve hadn’t wanted to show Billy this work, but they met up at 8:30 every Tuesday, and this paper had been so emotionally draining on Steve, he needed to see Billy and for once in his life, didn’t have any confusing assignments to try and work out.

“Okay, I’ll be real gentle with ya.” Billy smiled at him, the softest one Steve had ever seen from him.

Steve handed over the stack of papers and plopped into the chair adjacent to Billy’s, each sitting on either side of one corner.

Billy scanned through the document quickly, his eyes sliding from side to side.

“Shit, Stevie. This is really good.” He looked up at him. “I’m not blowin’ sunshine up your ass, this is genuinely really good.” Steve was beaming. Billy was definitely nicer to him than anyone else he tutored, but he had never actually called Steve’s work good before. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re dyslexic?” Steve’s face fell.

“It’s fucking embarrassing, man. I can’t read for shit.”

“It’s not embarrassing. It’s something that makes you really fucking strong. I see the way you bust your ass in school. I feel like I coulda helped you better if I had known.”

“My dad was always, really pissed off about it. He never let me get tested for it, just said I was lazy, or said I was just stupid. I only got tested when I came to college and could do it without him knowing.”

Billy’s brow was furrowed.

“FUCK your dad. Fuck him. You’re not stupid. You literally have a learning disability. You are not stupid. Do you understand me?” Billy was looking into Steve’s eyes like he could crawl inside his brain and MAKE him understand.

“I-yeah. I understand. Thanks, Billy.” Steve smiled at him, just a little one.

“Okay, so, let’s make this paper really kick ass. So you begin by explaining what it’s like in your brain when you read or write. I think for this introduction, leave any typos there are, really solidify what it is like for you before things like me or spellcheck get in there to fix it. It’ll really send the point home. And I think you should add what you told me about your dad. It’ll make a better transition from that into how stupid you have always felt you are, even though THAT’S not fuckin’ true.”

Billy continued on, making a few marks on the paper, explaining his ideas to Steve and making comments debunking anything Steve had said about himself in the paper.

“Okay, I think that’s all I got for ya. When’s she due?”

“Friday.” BIlly’s left eyebrow went up. “I know, I’m usually such a procrastinator. This one was really easy. Probably because I have a lot I’m insecure about. Hardest part was to pick one.” Billy’s face scrunched up again. The timer on Billy’s watch went off, signaling the end of their hour. “Thank you for your help though, man. I really appreciate it.” Steve packed up his documents, touching Billy’s arm before he turned to leave.

“Steve, you’re not stupid. It’s really important to me that you know that.”

Steve turned.

“Thank you, Billy. I’ll see you next week.”

Steve got an A and a smiley face that read “Great Work!” on the paper. He was ECSTATIC to show Billy his good work, what he had helped Steve achieve. At 8:30 the following Tuesday Steve bounded into the room and flopped his smiley essay down.

“I got an A! Billy this is the first time I’ve gotten an A on a writing assignment! The professor said showing how hard my dyslexia makes it for me was really smart! That was your idea! Thank you!” Billy stood up with STeve, bringing him into a bearhug.

“Fuck, Stevie. I’m so proud of you.” H released him and they both sat. “This really was all you though, I gave very little input into this piece for you. You got this A for us.” Steve beamed.

“Billy, I really wanna thank you for all your help this semester. I’ve gone through some real shit in my life, but… you make my present and future seem so much more brighter.”

Billy gawked at him.

“I… think I love you.”

“Sorry, what?”

Billy’s face went bright red.

“I’m sorry, this is probably really fuckin’ weird, but I’ve had a stupid huge crush on you since we started tutoring, like, six months ago, and after I read this paper last week, and you let me in more, I just. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you, and I would like to, if it’s okay, maybe like, take you on a date?”

This is the first time Steve has ever seen Billy look unsure of himself.

“I, sorry. You want to go on a date? With me?”

“Yeah. Sorry, did I just make it weird? You’re just so happy and it was really cute, and I’m sorry if I misread or if you’re not into guys or-”

“I WANNA GO ON A DATE WITH YOU.” Steve had never been the most articulate. He felt like he was gonna explode from his skin. “I’ve actually had a crush on you too. I wanna, I wanna go out with you.” Billy lit up. It was beautiful.

“Okay! Okay, you uh, you have my phone number. I’ll call you this week? Maybe we can, what are you doing on Saturday?”

“I’m free all day! Whatever you have in mind is, I’m down for whatever.”

“Okay! I’ll give you a call. It’s, um, it’s a date.” They smiled at each other. “Can I kiss you, or is that like, is that too forward.” Steve melted at Billy asking permission.

“No, that’s-fuckin’ kiss me.” Billy launched across space, connecting them together. His hands cupped Steve’s face as he smiled into their kiss. Steve’s hands trailed u Billy’s muscular back to his neck. Both boys were grinning as they pulled back for air.

“If you don’t get outta here, Pretty Boy, I’m gonna jump your bones right here, right now.”

“Is that such a bad thing?” Billy rolled his eyes.

“Here I am, tryna be a gentleman and shit, and here you are, making me want to throw all that right out the window.”

“Well, maybe if Saturday goes alright, you’ll get to. I am a classy broad though, you gotta wine and dine me first.” Steve winked, pulling his backpack onto one shoulder. “I’ll see you Saturday then, Bill.”

“See you then, Sweet Thing.” Steve melted at the nickname.

It was gonna be the beginning of something, real nice.

[bioticgoddess]

I have finally seen the whole of the Sequels...

Honestly TROS wasn’t as shit as TLJ was. I legit can’t watch TLJ save for a few scenes (basically Leia needed to be conscious).

I'm not a ReyLo shipper, so I'm ignoring the kiss and a bunch of small "Dafuq" stuff. But otherwise, not as godawful as I expected.

They broadcast the Finn as Force Sensitive thing a lot. Enough that I can buy he may have wanted to tell Rey privately, to the point that it makes sense for him to have pushed Poe away - especially on Endor when he found other First Order Defectors (and had previously thought he was the only one). Poe is the outsider looking in -  he was meant to be our Han Solo/Padme stand in and didn’t really become so until this film.

The Palpatine as Literal Satan was dumb. It was taken directly from both the Extended Universe (without context or substantial explanation) and the SWTOR Video Game. Same with the “Force Healing” nonsense. TL:DR - As Sidious/Palpatine alluded to in the Sequels and the EU confirms, Powerful Sith can transfer their life essence into a new “host” willing or not. There were places where you could tell the writing was lazy (the briefing about a not-dead Sidious) and would have benefited from OPENLY reference both the Prequels (Clone Army anyone?) and the Force Unleashed 2 where Starkiller & the Dark Apprentice were considered Successful clones of Galen Marek. But their predecessors weren't. The Disney/Lucasfilm bosses could just not tell us if he's alive.

They very much wanted this to be a story about Legacy. It didn't succeed.  

The frist half of this movie should have been our middle film. We got the character development and story answers that were necessary for moving forward and then spent an hour or so on a climactic battle. Rey could have panicked about being related to Palpatine and fled at the end of the movie to Ach’To. Then we pick up with her destroying Kylo’s TIE and have a more meaningful Rey/Luke conversation. One where maybe has to explain how he came to grips with being Vader’s son. Show us Ben fighting the Knights of Ren and how it plays out. After all, they were loyal to him and allegedly hunting Rey this whole damn time right?  

Then have Rey and the Resistence go on the hunt the emperor and so on. Drag out the Hux as Spy Storyline. We needed more of that. I didn’t care about General Pryde. 

I really did like it. The whole Sequel trilogy suffers from inconsistent writing and directing unfortunately and the plague of Disney Marketing. A lot of information from this Movie could only be learned if you read additional books or are currently reading the comics. I love Star Wars but I’m not going to buy the visual encyclopedias and every novel ever just to fix the plot holes. 

Also:  Leia should have trained Rey from the get go. And Poe as space-drug dealer/trafficker was bullshit. Shame on you JJ and Disney. SHAME.

Edit: I realized there was a bunch of punctuation missing...don’t try and post form your phones if you type faster than the machine can manage. Just sayin...

[kogo-dogo]

Top five favorite fictional characters? From literally any fandom or anything. Just gotta be fictional

Only five? OH NO. And worse yet, you probably won’t know half of them because I get fixated on some stupid shit.

Oh, well! Guess I’ll have to write an ~essay~ to explain! :D

1.) Dagoth Ur (Morrowind). I’ve already written a veritable thesis paper on the Sixth House and Dagoth Ur, but he’s an incredibly interesting villain with a lot of moral gray area, and the more you learn about him the more it makes you think. He is literally a guy whose only crime was trying to do the right thing, then overcorrecting into doing the wrong thing in an effort to fix what he perceives as an ultimately disastrous fate for his homeland. He’s doing it with some fucked-up eldritch magic, and he’s haughty and ruthless, but he’s honestly firm in his belief that he’s right. He just wants the invaders to leave, he wants to restore order, he wants to avenge his murdered best friend, and his own murder, and he ultimately is going about it in an awful way but... the way they build him up as essentially “The Devil” and then slip in all of the ways he’s been wronged and how the Ashlanders (who want him dead) pity him more than they hate him because he isn’t evil... well. It hurts.

2.) Torque (The Suffering). Torque is what I call my “problematic fave,” because he’s a fascinating idea that a lot of folks would probably consider poorly executed. But I like the fact that he’s a typical villainous concept (mentally ill convicted murderer) who is flipped around and tasked with being the hero. He’s the one who is rescuing people trapped in mines or too traumatized by the end of the world to defend themselves. He’s the one who is helping the CO who was shit-talking him at the beginning of the game make it safely back to his wife and daughters. Torque can be played as evil, sure, but the game is very much built with the intention of having him at least make the attempt to drag all these people kicking and screaming to safety (only the lazy play as evil). These games did NOT age well (ASK ME ABOUT MY TOP FIVE OPINIONS ON TIES THAT BIND; THEY ARE NOT GOOD AT ALL), so I wouldn’t recommend them, but Torque is an interesting dude.

3.) Kain (Legacy of Kain). HOLY FUCK THIS GUY. Legacy of Kain is one of my favorite franchises of all time, and it is so impossible not to get attached to Kain. The amount of character growth this motherfucker gets is enough to make me tear my hair out. This son of a bitch is the reason I’ve gotten good at writing characters, because the example put forth with Amy Hennig writing this chitinous bastard? AUGH. You seriously start the series with him being a bitchy, fledgling vampire who thinks he’s hot shit, destroys his world to establish a vampiric empire, realizes how bad he fucked up, and then goes about playing chess with motherfucking god trying to undo fate and right his wrongs. A lot of people like Raziel more, but Kain also fits the criteria of demanding, domineering, dangerous man and... I like that in a guy.

4.) Azel (Panzer Dragoon Saga). Explaining Azel is hard because you’d have to know the lore of Panzer Dragoon (a perfect science fiction/fantasy blend; you should look into it), but I can summarize it as, uh. She’s an artificial humanoid created to control some technology meant to keep the human population in check. But what matters is that she’s a dragon-riding badass who goes from kicking your ass to helping your ass, and she’s just so driven and persistent and alien and wonderful. Her daughter is also a bonafide badass who got an entire game of her own and I could write a whole other fucking essay on, because I just... GOD. Orta is just such a good character, too.

5.) Volrina Quarra (Elder Scrolls). Volrina is weird because nobody fucking remembers her ever and she only ever got a sliver of backstory in ESO despite being a character in Morrowind. However, she is incredibly terrifying and fun to overanalyze based on how she talks and her surroundings. She’s a former mercenary who was turned into a vampire by the Berne clan while trying to avenge her brother, got mad, AND THEN BECAME THE SCARIEST VAMPIRE IN MORROWIND. The Quarra Clan is known for being exceedingly physically powerful, and it’s heavily implied by her having a potion made of the blood of previous Quarra Masters (and the fact she is the only non-Nord in their lair at Druscashti) that she literally just stormed the place and took over despite being outmatched. She is brutal--even if you’re in her clan, she’ll never like you--and she is savagely strong. First time I encountered her, she literally whipped around a corner and butchered me. It was awesome.

[messedupessy]

Number 15 with the Fell brothers~! :3

Ahhhh here ya go man I literally wrote this in one day, which is today just frikking wrote it in pretty much one go and I am seriously proud of myself gnkjegnkjgkrje so yeah enjoy xD ❤

Edit 2021/01/05: Decided to update this, fixed some grammar and added some minor things, enjoy!

Stealing Flowers

Relationship: None, just bros

Warnings: Mention of animal death, but nothing graphic or detailed

Prompt: “Are you seriously stealing flowers off that grave?” 

Summary: Red joins Edge on a trip to the cemetery.

 AO3

Story below cut

“Red, Really?”, Red heard Edge say slightly behindhim, clearly exasperated. “Are You Seriously Stealing Flowers Off That Grave?”

“yep, sure am baby bro.”, he replied with his usualwide grin, as it was true. He was currently picking, or stealing as Edge calledit, some flowers off of a grave he was squatting down in front of.

Though it wasn’t really stealing since the flowerswere technically grown there and clearly not planted, was actually rather whatmost people would call weeds. So in turn Red was actually doing the cemeterystaff a favour by removing some of the said weeds off the grave.

“And Do Tell Me Why Exactly You Are Doing Such AThing, Brother?”, Edge asked again, his voice stiff with barely held backirritation.

“jist doin’ my daily good deed of tha day, bro.”, Redjoked with a dark chuckle, the disgusted noise he got in return worth it. Hethen stood up with the flowers in hand, turning around so he was now face toface with his much younger, and also sort of angry, brother.

Edge was dressed in a fancy black suit; with some kneehigh boots that had some minor heel to them which Red was thankful for theother wearing. As Edge really needed to stop stomping around with those overlyhigh heels of his, they were so not good for that bad hip of his. And alongsidethat cute scowl his face was currently expressing, so was he holding a largebouquet of red roses with a large matching ribbon.  

Red himself was not dressed up for the occasion atall, he was in fact just wearing his usual outfit as he hadn’t bothered at allor even tried to dress up, unlike his brother.

“nah, thought i shoulda get somethin’ fer tha grave,pay me respects an’ all that shit, ya know.”, Red then added with a shrugbefore Edge had a chance to say anything else, fiddling with the flowers heheld in his hands slightly, his mind noting they were probably some sort ofdandelions or something.

That gave Edge pause, stopped him right as he wasabout to say something, probably a lecture, but instead he ended up juststanding there with stunned surprise on his features. But it wasn’t long untilhis whole body visibly relaxed, letting out a deep sigh in defeat, while alsogiving Red a suspicious glare.

“Let’s… Let’s Keep Moving.”, Edge uttered before hequickly began to walk, quickly making his way past Red and down the path of thecemetery with long steps.

And like the lazy ass he was, Red instead of followinghis brother simply took a shortcut.

Then quickly reappearing with barely a sound at theirdestination, which was another grave.

He eyed the grave lazily while he waited for hisbrother, which wouldn’t take long thanks to those long legs of his. The blackgranite of the headstone shined brightly in the strong summer sun, slightlyblinding him but not enough to stop him from reading what was written on it.

It said, with big fancy golden letters:

                                                  Doomfanger

                                              Unknown July. 17          

                                                 2261 - 2284  

                                 Beloved pet,companion and friend

Around the textthere were paw prints carved into the stone also with gold in them, alongsideother golden squiggly patterns here and there which he guessed were leaves orsome shit, his brother not sparing any expense when it came to the grave of hisnow dead pet cat.

The old furballhad finally bit the dust last year at about 23 years of age, which apparentlywas pretty old for a cat. Though she might have been older as it wasn’t fullysure how old she had been when Edge found her back in the underground.

Thinking of theunderground, it was still weird how that was just about 11 years ago, that thebarrier broke and all monsterkind was freed from their imprisonment.

His thoughtswere interrupted by the arrival of his brother, who with quick steps made hisway next to him where he stopped.

He looked athis brother, who was looking very stoic and tense as he watched the grave,holding the roses in his hand tightly, before be abruptly turned to him,reaching out the hand with the roses towards him.

“Hold These, INeed To Clean The Grave.”, Edge muttered tersely.

“sure thin’,bro.”, Red replied taking a hold of the roses, the thought of saying no justbecause running through his mind, but he decided not to for once. His brotherwas already, no pun intended, on edge.

His brotherthen stepped forward and got to work, pulling out various tools from his phoneinventory before kneeling down, grimacing slightly as he did thanks to his oldinjuries. But his expression quickly turned determined as he got to work,removing any weeds that had popped up since last time he had been there,removing old flowers and so on, while Red just stood there watching him work.

The urge topush Edge to the side and do the work himself, even though this sort of shitwork wasn’t his thing, was overwhelming. But he knew his baby brother wouldn’ttake it well, since this was his duty and all that shit, so he let it be, sinceafter all the death of his pet cat had hit his brother hard, harder than youwould expect.

Like to Red itwas just a cat, an animal, they die quickly when it comes to monsters like themwho lives for a very long time. So he didn’t really fully get why Edge wasstill so upset about it and still grieving even a year after.

A low huffescaped him, guess he truly was an insensitive arse.

Still, hehappily tagged along whenever his brother went to visit Doomfanger’s grave,spending any time with his baby brother was time well spent.

It didn’t takelong for Edge to clean the grave, since he came and visited it at least acouple of times a month, so any weeds, rotten flowers or other cleaning of thegrave was quick work. Edge got back up onto his feet with a barely hiddengrimace of pain, for anyone who didn’t know what to look out for wouldn’t seeit as Edge was really good at hiding when he was in pain.

But Red wasn’tjust anyone, and knew exactly what to look out for to notice just how muchEdge’s old injuries affected him.

Which remindedhim, he still needed to beat that fish bitch into a fucking pulp for causingsaid injuries. He didn’t care that it happened almost 20 years ago, or that itwas all done fair and square or that the bitch was still his baby brothers socalled best friend, any kind of injuries caused to his brother would get paidwith blood.  

Edge thenwordlessly reached his hand out towards him, snapping Red out of his suddenthoughts of tearing that fish a new hole. Just as wordlessly he gave him backthe bouquet of roses and Edge then quickly squatted down and placed them ontothe now clean grave.

Without Rednoticing so had Edge also put down a couple of candles which he had lit, how hehad missed that was making his sockets twitch in irritation at himself, he wassupposed to be aware at all times after all, couldn’t risk missing anything nomatter how small said thing was. Edge then stood back up and took a step back,looking at the grave his whole body tense and his expression grim.

Ah, now timefor the part which always ended up making him uncomfy as fuck.

Red seriouslydid not do feely stuff, he did not know how to handle it at all, he glanced atEdge who was standing next to him again with his arms behind his back, lookingas stiff as the stick he at times had up his pelvis.  

As ever sincethe incident, from about 10 years ago, even just thinking about it makes Redgrit his teeth in anger as he didn’t even want to think about it properly, hewas still so pissed about it.

But since thatincident Edge had pretty much become incapable of crying at all.

He was unableto cry at his shitty romantic drama’s he so loved anymore, he was unable to crywhen Doomfanger got sick due for age. Unable to cry when she eventually diedand wasn’t able to cry even at her funeral.

Thoughtechnically it was his baby brothers own fault, he had insisted on finding outthe truth, had forced Red’s hand in the name of saving Red from going insane.

He much morewould had preferred going insane than having Edge suffer as he do now, how hisbaby brother now had the highest level out of all monsterkind and now wasforced to live with it. As he did have a reason, several of them actually, whyhe had kept the truth secret from Edge for so many years to start with and thiswas one of them.

But now herethey were, Edge unable to properly grieve and cry over his dead cat, and himselfunable to comfort him because what the fuck were feelings even, all because ofthat whole fucking incident.

Especiallysince Edge wasn’t the only one affected by the incident, Red himself was nowcapable of feeling shit for other people and not just his brother. Which wasweird, as he now was able to feel shit more proper overall and he absolutelyhated it.

As things thatusually didn’t bother or affect him suddenly did, made him stop and think whathis actions and words could do to people at times and fuck did he hate it. Shitwas better when he didn’t care jack shit about anything or anyone except forhis baby brother, but apparently said brother would rather he cared about othersas well and make him a emotional asshole instead.

Which was whyhe didn’t do his usual asshole thing, like cracking a very bad and insensitivejoke, do something seriously rude like tossing the flowers he still held in hishand onto the grave which he originally had just picked up as a joke. He wasincapable of been his usual nonchalant dickish self and it was frustrating asfuck.

So instead, hedecided to do something so out of character of himself that if there was somesort of overwordly being up there, so would it have struck him down on the spotfor heresy.

“gimme yehand.”, he said to Edge, lifting his hand that he didn’t hold the flowers in uptowards his brother.

“Why?”, Edgereplied stiffly, eyeing the offered hand in suspicion which Red couldn’t reallyblame him for, he was known to pull pranks at the worst of times after all.

“jist do et,i’m trynna do a good thin’ here.”, Red grumbled back, feeling uncomfortable asfuck as he shook his hand for Edge to just take it already.

“… Fine, But IfYou Are About To Play A Trick On Me So Am I Never Letting You Come Along HereWith Me Again.”, Edge huffed after a moment of glaring, rolling his eye light’sas he put his hand in Red’s own.

“don’t worry, iwon’t.”, Red reassured him, giving his brother’s hand a squeeze. Fuck this shitwas weird but he had gotten this far, might as well go through with it.

He then steppedforward towards the grave, the two of them already standing close enough to itso he didn’t have to let go of the others hand. He could feel Edge’s confusedeyes dig into his back as he then squatted down, putting the flowers down ontothe grave as nicely as he could.

“sup, furball.”,Red then spoke, wincing slightly at how corny and touchy feely the whole thinghe was doing was, keeping his one eyelight locked onto the grave. “thanks… ferya always been there for me bro when he needed ya… an’ for been jist a reallygood cat.”

He thenpromptly got up and stepped back so he was standing next to his brother again, ifhe had skin he would swear it was crawling with just how fucking uncomfy hisactions just made him.

Red didn’t evenlook at his brother, to see how he reacted, instead he focused his eye onto arandom piece of grass. A minute or so passed before he felt Edge squeeze hishand back, making Red turn his face back up to his brother who was looking downat him.

“That… ThatWas…”, Edge began, clearing his throat loudly before a very soft smile slowlyspread onto his face. “That Was Really Sweet Of You… Thank You.”

If it wasn’tfor the fact Red had promised to chill the fuck out with his habit of taking picturesof Edge, so would he had pulled his phone out faster than his shortcuts as theexpression Edge was wearing was something he so dearly needed a photo of, so hecould look at it whenever he wanted and needed to.

But at the sametime, he felt if he went and did it, he would ruin whatever this moment wasbetween them, so he resisted and instead gave his baby brother a wide grin.

“heh, anytimebaby bro.”, Red murmured instead, before turning his face away to look atDoomfanger’s grave, Edge doing the same.

They stoodthere in silence for awhile, just enjoying the moment, until suddenly Edgesqueezed his hand again before slowly removing his own from Red’s grasp. MakingRed look up at him, resisting the urge to grab it back, but Edge was notlooking at him, his eyes still locked with the grave before them.

“Al-All Right,I Am Done Here For Today, Thanks For Coming With Me.”, Edge said with a slighttremble to his voice, before he quickly turned heel and began to walk away onthe cemetery path. “Come Along Brother, I Need To Get Back To Work Before TwoPM And I Refuse To Be Late.”

“sure thin’.”, Redreplied, but he didn’t move from where Edge left him. As before Edge turnedaway and began to walk, Red could had sworn he saw something shine in hisbrother’s eye socket.

Quickly shakinghis head so to snap out of it, he decided it was most likely just hisimagination and wishful thinking. But he grinned widely and with a step forwardtook a shortcut to catch up to his much faster brother.

[purplesurveys]

743

Name something that you saw within the past week that made you smile: A local celebrity posted the very first photo of her newborn on her Instagram and tbh it was something we’ve all just been lowkey waiting for because that couple is super attractive and stylish and we’ve always wanted to see how the kid would look like. Simply put, the baby is the cutest ever and she’s so pretty and gah she just looks like such an angel. Name something within the past week that made you frown: There’s been a lot of upsetting stuff on the news, but the worst has been when policemen shot a man that they thought was going to pull out a gun. Turned out that said man was 1) pulling out a water bottle and 2) a former soldier suffering from PTSD and the standoff was actually greatly upsetting him. Welcome to the Philippines where the police are still hellbent on using their guns in the middle of a public health crisis. Name somebody who you wish would cut you a break sometimes: My mom always has something to criticize about me. Name somebody you know who deserves a better life than they have: Andrew. I don’t want to share their life story on here but suffice it to say it’s been a lot and it’s been rough, and they deserve a goddamn break. Name something you own that has high sentimental value: Probably the tickets to the first museum Gabie and I went to together, six years ago. Museum dates have long been my dream date and that was one amazing day, so I'm really glad I made the decision to keep it.

Name something that you hope is different by this time next year: Obviously the virus being gone but also the terms that are in place for now because of it, like halting foreign travel or not being able to go to the mall. Name something that you're good at but don't like: Arguing or confrontation. I can come up with good arguments and I pride myself on being able to speak well whether publicly or not; and in fact my parents have always asked me why I never took up debate or if I have any interest in pursuing law – but I actually hate it. I hate the ever-looming possibility of suddenly not knowing how to respond or rebut; plus the very nature of two clashing sides simply stresses me out. Name something that you're bad at but DO like: Singing, at least when I’m alone in my car. Also baking! I find it really fun but I always have to bake with someone who’s more experienced than I am. Name something that you like about the person you argue most with: She’s very organized and can make anything clean and spotless no matter how dirty and stained they’ve gotten. Name something that you strongly believe in: That the world will eventually be a lot kinder to LGBT couples with families. I have to believe in it; I want the world to be gentle to my kids. One day at a time, folks. Name something was funny to you but not to anybody else: Idk man, if it isn’t funny to anyone else it’s probably offensive. Name somebody who has tried to help you and ended up hurting you: My mom’s love languages seem to be criticism and a lot of tough love. Long story short, they are not mine. Name something that you had to learn the hard way: No matter how nice you are to everyone, there’ll always be people who will remain extremely cold and shitty for absolutely no reason and you can’t blame or be upset with them if that’s just the way they are. I learned this in PE class when I forgot to follow a certain instruction and I personally went to the coach to apologize, but she literally turned her back on me and completely ignored me. I wasn’t used to such a treatment so I vented to Angela about it after and told her how unfair I felt it was, but I understood it after she told me that no matter how much Catholic school (and common sense, tbh) taught us to have good manners and greet everyone we see and be nice and polite, none of that shit will always matter in the real world, when we get thrown in the mix with people who now come from different, sometimes rougher backgrounds. Name a date that has a lot of significance to you: March 16. It’s the birthday we made up for Kimi. Name something that you didn't like when you were younger but like now: Chicken curry. I found the flavor too strong when I was a kid, but I had no idea Indian food was gonna end up being my favorite cuisine when I got older lol. Name something that you liked when you were younger but don't like now: I’d say Spongebob? To this day I’ll still only watch the episodes I grew up seeing but I can’t bother with the newer seasons. The way they are drawn is too different and unfamiliar, the humor isn’t the same anymore, and they’ve introduced so many third-party characters it’s hard to keep track. I’ll always give it a lot of credit for being a very important part of my childhood though. Name something in your life that was a blessing in disguise: Deciding to skip out on joining my current org in freshie year. I joined the year after and the batch I turned out to be a part of was the biggest applicant batch for the org in recent memory, and all my closest friends in college have been from that batch, like JM, Laurice, Aya, Jo, Kate, Jum, and Hannah. Name something that you've done that would be considered rebellious: I didn’t submit a single final project for home economics in 6th grade. That year’s home ec was focused on embroidery, sewing, and crocheting and I just didn’t give a shit about all three back then. I still have no clue how I left that class with a mark of 91. Name something that you wish you never found out: If it’s something I wish I never found out it means it greatly upset me, and I don’t wanna go racking my brain for stuff that greatly upset or triggered me. Name something that you dislike about the majority of girls: Not majority anymore but some girls will still have the let’s-pit-these-two-women-against-each-other mindset and it’s just so old now. Name something you like about the majority of guys: I don’t think there’s one. Name something you wish you had enough money to do: Keep traveling, durrrr. Name something that you wish you could say to somebody: I had very high expectations for you as a prof but your response to the virus re: online classes has been disappointing to say the least. To think we all thought you cared for students’ welfare. Name something that you wish somebody would say to you: That they were gonna come over to my place in a bit. Name something that you wish you had the ability to fix: I wish I had enough money to go ahead and fix the stuff that that piece of shit Jeff Bezos and other selfish billionaires are too lazy to fix, like ending world hunger or providing clean water. I’m feeling so strongly about that now after seeing this amazing infograph someone made about just how much money he has. Name something "bad" you've done on purpose to somebody else: I was feeling petty on the first Sunday that my mom made our entire family sit around her phone to watch a livestream of a mass, so before it started I made sure I had Netflix (which HOOOOOGS bandwidth) turned on both my laptop and phone. The stream ended up being shitty and skipped a lot of parts of the mass. Definitely wasn’t the best daughter that day and even I was surprised at whatever came over me for me to do something that mischievous. I never did it again lmao. Name something you could never forgive a person for: If they abused their pet. Name something you're lucky to have: My dog.

[dimancheetoile]

Flowers bloom at daylight

Written for ShikaSaku Week 2019 (Fall Edition) @shikasaku-week Day 1: daylight so violent also on AO3 (where all the italics isn’t lost so i suggest you read it there instead cause they play a big part in this story but reblogs are still appreciated since putting a link in this post has hidden it from search results)

i'm late. really late. but i actually have some stuff written that i prepared in advance i just need to finish them up and i can post them so don't worry too much and forgive me also please i love all of you. also this is my first hanahaki story!! yay!! revel in the shikasaku goodness while the week lasts

love to @mouseymightymarvellous, my incredible partner-in-crime and shoutout to @the-formerone for ranting with me about great stuff like shikasaku content

----------------------

The thing is, he never would have thought his laziness could possibly show even in this. When it happens, his first reaction is to snort, then followed by a laugh surprised out of him by how stupid this is aaaand that's about the moment the tears start to come him.

Because his body is apparently so lazy it couldn't even deign to cough and he instead just woke up one morning with an entire daffodil in his mouth.

He's fucking allergic to daffodil too, is the absolute irony. Gods he hates his life.

The thing is, he's never associated her with sakura blossoms. They come too quick and go too soon, they smell sweet and clean and they shower everyone in a never-ending flow of petals whenever you dare breathe in their direction. In short, they're everything she's not. She's reliable and resilient, strong and determined and more often than not, she smells of the sweat and dirt of the battlefield or the blood of the medics tents. She doesn't shower anyone in affection or attention or anything of the sort. Her affection is quiet and hardly won and her attention is precious when lives depend on her.

No, he's always associated her with daffodils, because of Ino. Because of their childhood, when the four of them used to run around together, before boys and girls became a thing, before lovers and liars were ever part of their lives, before they learned through experience that no one cares who you're fucking when you're all about to die anyway and he's been in more foursomes and moresomes than he likes to think about when he thought he was living his last day, which happened quite a lot (un)fortunately but that's not the topic here, right, because the topic is—

Before they learned that there was these things called clan separatism and hierarchy, that the three of them weren't supposed to talk to low-status, clan-less children who would become desk ninja anyway, before they learned that the only reason she ever went after the last Uchiha was because she had no parents and no support system and the desperation of knowing she would become a desk ninja with the pay to go with it made her night terrors stop featuring closet monsters and instead the days she went without lunch becoming a fixed feature of her life-to-be.

Before she ever went after the last Uchiha out of desperation and plain, simple hunger, and lost the only support system she ever had in the form of three clan heirs who didn't know the way out of the prejudice crawling out of their asses without even realising it.

Before all that, when the four of them used to run around together, Ino made her a flower crown out of daffodils and he talked about it to his father who gave him a scroll on kunoichi training which included, amongst other things that made his poor, four-year-old self want to crawl up into a closet and throw up, a section on flower meaning.

The thing is that he never associated her with sakura blossoms, and instead, she became in his mind the living embodiment of the small yellow flower.

Somehow he found it quite fitting, a few years later when he found out he was allergic to the stuff, that his body would have such an intense reaction to a flower he associated with the woman he's been in love with since reading a potentially-traumatizing scroll. Quite fitting, that he would be allergic to a flower meaning, amongst other thing, unrequited love, while associating it with a woman who stopped running after wealthy, upper-class boys for survival and instead ran after them to prove her own worth.

(though she didn't need to do that, ever, now did she, when she's always been worth the fucking world to him and he would gift her the moon if she hadn't punched its goddess right in the fucking face, wouldn't he, because she is worth so much to him he sees her in the shadows that shape his identity and he would formally present her to the forest spirits and the Shikami is she let herself be loved in the way she deserves because she is worth so much—)

The thing is, he woke up one day with a daffodil between his lips and laughed until he cried and sobbed until he choked on petals and

haven't we established the irony of the situation

she appears on his windowsill like the fucking goddess that she is and founds him in a pool of petals, flowers, tears and blood and doesn't even blink before crouching next to him and saving his life.

The thing is, Hanahaki is a misunderstood, poorly researched, rarely cured disease that no one really bothered to look into because not only does it mostly happen to civilians (and we all know how the Konoha Administration feel about civilians) but the few shinobi who happen to suffer from it are strictly male and they are the expendable, replaceable bunch in the shinobi hierarchy and on top of being such a rare condition, the Konoha medical system is fucked up beyond recognition, has been ever since Tsunade fucked off the first time and even after she came back and revolutionized everything to the fuck off again leaving everything to—

The point is, it's rare and medics had more important shit to do, when there were medics at all in the Konoha hospital besides civilian healthcare providers, than find a cure for Hanahaki when there was, you know, a literally war going on.

So no one knows how it works, why it starts, why it only touches males, why flowers, why deadly, why it sometimes goes away without the love being requited, why it sometimes happens for platonic feelings, why

actually

yeah, why?

Why does Hanahaki take one look at Haruno Sakura-sensei, Titan Sakura, Godslayer, Sannin, Minister of Public and Shinobi Health in the newly elected (and honestly he still can't believe they managed to make pull this shit off) Konoha Government, and decides that attempting to save his life counts as requited love, is a very good question.

That he's obviously not going to ask, duh.

The thing is, he might not have grown out of being a lazy fuck, but he absolutely has grown out of being a coward. Hearing your father dying sometimes does that to a person.

Which is why, still lying on the floor in a pool of petals, flowers, tears and blood, his abs still aching from the laughter and his eyes still burning from the weeping and his lungs still aching from the disease and his mouth still tasting like flowers, he says:

"I'm in love with you."

which, granted, doesn't make for the greatest conversation opener but he might possibly maybe be going into shock so

"Yeah, I gathered," she replies faintly, looking ghostly and about to pass out.

"Sorry I scared you with the deadly, incurable illness. I had only been aware of it for two minutes when you came in." He looks at her face, mapping it quickly. She doesn't look very awake. "...why did you came in, by the way?"

Her voice is shaking, and still very faint. "So it turns out waking up coughing leaves from the Nara forest oaks makes for a powerful excuse to barge into one's window at five in the morning."

He'll concede her point.

wait what

“I love you, too?” she offers, looking terrified and unsure and about the most incredible person in existence.

The thing is, sometimes he only pretends to be lazy. Which is why he kisses her first.