#i love emily so much btw i wish we could see/read more from her

[wickedlittleoz]

Hello hello! 🙌 Some time ago on blue bird app I saw someone talking about a royal guard Genji x a (what if) royal guard captain Hanzo and would like to give a penny for your thoughts on it? :3c I think the idea is fun and has lots of potential to develop but also potential to create plot holes if not careful 🏃

Thank you and have a nice day!

HEY THERE <3

sooooo i'm not sure if you wanted this to be like a list of headcanons but i got a little excited and wrote a little drabble lmao

I LOVE THIS IDEA!!! like i didn't enjoy questwatch as much as i thought i would tbh but including hanzo and shimadacest in the story just made it so interesting LOL

i think genji would give hanzo so much work just because he knows hanzo wouldn't punish him, it would be hilarious. and the shit genji and tracer would get up to, to queen emily and hanzo's dismay? blizz should've gone with that angle XDDD

anyway, little drabble coming up under the read more, and anon? thank you!!! hope you enjoy <3~

-

Hanzo is but a child when they meet

The King has a nasty habit of taking in unruly children whose parents can’t or won’t care for, and training them to be knights. Genji comes in a scoop of scrawny 8-year-olds about three years after Hanzo himself is handed over by his father, except that Genji’s parents don’t try to get rid of him like Hanzo’s dad did; no, Genji's father was a knight himself and died in the long running war, and his mother, or so the gossip goes, died of heartache upon hearing the news.

At this point Hanzo has made himself a bit of a top dog among the other kids. He’s only 12, but there’s already so many ugly feelings inside him that he pushes and pushes on the training grounds, until when he goes to bed at night he just blanks out. Wakes up the next day and does it all over again. The kids fear him; the knights who train them, love him.

So when Genji arrives full of toothy smiles and snarky responses, they clash. He gets under Hanzo’s skin fast and he enjoys doing it – revels in the looks of wonder the other kids save for him, because he’s the only one who stands up to Hanzo.

It takes less than a week for Hanzo to lash out at him during training. Adults have to step in and push them apart before he beats the younger boy to a pulp. He gets weeks of cleaning duties for punishment and hates Genji even more.

But time does its thing; they learn to get along if only to avoid problems. Hanzo finds that Genji is fun to be around and as they grow older, when he realizes that boys are more than just stinky and prone to fight, he sees beauty in Genji’s smile and a similar desire in the hands that search for him after nightfall.

Genji is his first kiss when he’s 17 and shaking with cold and anxiety.

But they’re not alone, that night. There’s a knight doing safety rounds and he sees them hidden in the forest. It’s nothing more than kissing, but he takes them in and punishment comes hard enough to drive them apart. Hanzo is made knight early and sent to war on the far eastern front; Genji stays to finish his training.

The war is long, merciless, horrifying. Hanzo learns that while boys might enjoy a little spar, men are more destructive than any monster he’s ever encountered. He’s forced to forget Genji because he knows he might never see him again; just hopes they can end this carnage before the younger man is sent to fight alongside him and either has to watch the other die.

Years later, when he returns victorious in spite of everything, one of the few survivors, the King is dead to old age and Queen Emily, a much more benevolent creature than her father, is ruling. Her hand is kind and her smile is easy, and she crowns Hanzo Royal Guard Captain for his merits in the war.

He doesn’t think he deserves it, but when he stands before the crowd and sees the proud joy in Genji’s eyes, he forgets all the horrors and all the time passed fades away, and they’re kids hiding in the woods to experiment love for the first time all over again.

They run off that night to that same place, and Genji tells him they were going to make me Captain if the war never ended when it did and Hanzo says he’s sorry, that he deserves it more than Hanzo does, and Genji laughs and tells him thank you, I didn’t want it, you were born for this.

Hanzo cries when they make love for the first time because he’d forgotten, for years and years, what good feelings were like.

It doesn’t take long for the word to spread out, that the Captain takes one of his knights to bed every night, that this was the whole reason they got separated in their youth. Queen Emily calls them to a private meeting one cold afternoon and Hanzo wants so bad to hold Genji’s hand, he’s terrified that they’ll never make it out of here alive, but they kneel before her with pride and resilience, and she sighs.

Before he died my father told me a story about the two of you, she says gravely. About why he arranged to send you away. It wasn’t because of your love… You should know my father, albeit harsh and strict, had no problem with men like you, or… Women like me.

The Queen seems to blush, bowing her head gently to glance at her own personal guard, a lively brunette who’s far too quick on her feet for anyone’s good, Hanzo has learned since his return.

And the soft tone of this conversation finally clicks. He chances a quick look in Genji’s direction and finds a knowing smirk.

However, she resumes a minute later, the truth is that… Well… Though you weren’t raised together, my father told me you two are actually related. It was a matter of forbidden love between your darling mother, Captain, and your heroic father, Knight Genji. Now, we have no way of knowing how much of this is true, but… You understand his reticence to allow a romantic relationship to bloom between you. Here I am no one to stop love when it’s so clearly written before my eyes. But I thought you deserved to know.

Her words fall flat at Hanzo’s feet; they might be half-brothers, he thinks, but as the Queen herself said, they weren’t raised as such. He feels no fraternal affection towards the man beside him. And life and war have thrown so many horrors towards him that he wants to grab the good and the love while he has them.

Genji as well doesn’t seem at all unnerved by the news. Instead, later that night when they retire to Hanzo’s sleeping quarters, he claims love to his big brother and laughs when Hanzo blushes, and things seem to be just fine.

So in the years that follow, the kingdom of Overland becomes a place where people like Hanzo, Genji, Queen Emily and Tracer, the knight, go to find peace and acceptance. They don’t start new wars and the knights fight to protect the Queen and the goodness that she sows. Hanzo still assists training squires and Genji becomes his right arm on the field.

And together, they’re unstoppable.

[paleclementine]

Hanging out with Emily was so fun. It was really nice to see her. She and I agreed that we are the most perfect best friends-- we're so shy around each other that at times it seems awkward, but that's just not how it is. We know each other so well and respect each other's opinions, and oh, btw, we laughed a LOT. I said that tiktok sound "eat, eat, eat, uglayass" and it made her laugh a lot. When i basically called her a 1800s invalid that was funny too. Her BF sam is an ASSHOLE and I hate him. He asked me to buy emily gummy worms but i know for sure it was just a way for him to insert himself in Emily's mind and our trip. Emily's phone died during the con and .02 seconds after it did, sam texted me and asked if something was wrong and if Emily was okay. pa-ra-NOID. Emily always had her phone plugged up to a charger after that and I could tell he was blowing up her phone constantly after that. then after we went to the salt flats for our Evangelion photoshoot (which looked incredibllllllle by the way), Sam sent her four paragraphs butthurting and guilting Emily for not inviting him on this trip. Firstly-- this was a GIRL'S trip. Anthony was only with us to be our photographer; he was third wheeling us the whole time. Secondly- HE IS AN ASSHOLE and I wouldn't have wanted him to come anyway! Emily stayed in my room, or in a hotel, and like.. we were girls (as weird as it feels inside to call myself a girl, it suffices for my point). ugh. I hate him. I told Emily to break up with him and Anthony was like "you can't just tell people to break up" and I was like "I'll say whatever I want".

The con was really fun and we got a lot of compliments. I think my Chuuya cosplay and my Asuka cosplay were the best- mostly because I worked really hard on Chuuya's piece by piece, and I made that 6'5" tall spear of longinus and I think it impressed people. I want to work hard and enter into the cosplay competition next year. I think I could do it.

I've been reading more of Pete's livejournal entries and I love all the poetry he has in it, as cryptic as it is. He seems like a really interesting person. Tonight, in honor of my past emo self (who much rather would have lavender/purple hair than any other color) I'm going to dye my hair dark cherry red. It's going to look sick. It's not too far off from ginger, either, so I'll still look normal. It gives me that delicious emo feeling that I never got to have in highschool. Idk. I think it will make my feel more like myself. I'm going back to blonde during thanksgiving, so I guess this is my goodbye to fun hair for a while. I will be back, though. I always go a little bit crazy and sick of myself and want to dye my hair a new color. this summer, it was bangs (which I cut myself with regular scissors over my bathroom sink) and ginger hair-- I think you can tell how crazy I was going back then for two drastic changes at once.

I think my roommates hate me / think I hate them just because I haven't seen them or hung out with them in like a week. I don't really like them, but I don't want shit to be awkward whenever I walk into the kitchen. I don't know how to fix it though. i guess just be here? I hate that too.

I don't think I'm a girl. But I'm not really a dude either.. not entirely, anyway. I just wish I had been born a boy. I hate my tits in the mirror. Maybe if I had a better experience growing up as a girl and hadn't been taught that my body was only good for breeding and being a doting, docile, subservient mother, I wouldn't have so much trauma whenever I look at my body (and maybe that would also be the case if I hadn't been repeatedly sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend and then guilted for literally kissing him, so i couldn't talk to anyone about it ever). tangent, tangent. Anyways, idk what I am. I love to dress in girly fashion (lolita dresses and pink and the like), but I don't connect to it internally. I feel like a boy wearing girl's clothing. A sheep who would much rather howl at the moon.

I want fucking top surgery.

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

Another Top 10 Female TV Characters (In no particular order)

I posted something like this before but I added some favorite characters and I had to get my feelings down in writing :) You can read my other post, but in summation, the characters I mentioned before were: El Hopper, Anne Shirley, Lorelai Gilmore, Annie Edison, Joyce Byers, Paris Geller, Lois Lane, Jess Day, Midge Maisel, and Millie Helper.

Joey Potter (Dawson’s Creek):

Joey is one of the best characters in Dawson’s Creek. In my opinion the show should have been called “Joey’s Creek” :) She was a far more interesting character than Dawson. I haven’t finished the show yet so I don’t have too much to say about her, but from what i’ve heard she finally achieves her dreams and ends the series in a happy place, which makes me happy. What I do know is that Joey is extremely driven, creative, and smart. She’s also a character who has been through so much and has made it to the other side to be a very strong and kind person. 

Rory Gilmore (Gilmore Girls):

Alexis doesn’t get enough love for her portrayal of Rory. You gotta figure that this was Alexis’ first role ever and she was able to show a lot of emotion in this part, while also being extremely adept at the comedy as well. Rory had her ups and downs but i’ve always been a Rory defender. She’s not perfect, but I also would say that makes her a well rounded character. She’s smart, kind, and an amazing friend. 

Robin Buckley (Stranger Things):

Robin was such an important and fun addition to Stranger Things. She immediately brought such a new and dynamic atmosphere to the show. She’s a genuis... I mean, she fucking cracked a professional Russian code in a day. She’s hilarious and Maya is a tremendous actress. How she can go into a really serious and emotional scene and then go straight into a hilarious scene where she’s high with Steve is just simply amazing.

Veronica Mars (Veronica Mars):

Veronica Mars is my favorite character in the original  3 seasons of Veronica Mars. She’s talented, badass, and snarky/really funny. Veronica is a character who could benefit from therapy, but she’s very stubborn and in the 4th season seems to be adverse to the idea of going to therapy. She has been through more than any high schooler should go through. Even before the events of the 1st season. Her parents divorce, she is raped at a high school party, her best friend is murdered, her father, who was the sheriff at the time, accused her boyfriend’s father of killing her friend/her boyfriend’s sister. Because of that event, her and her boyfriend broke up and she lost her group of friends. Hopefully you followed with that last one cause it’s pretty complicated lol. And that’s just the events before the 1st season. Despite that or possibly because of that, Veronica has become a very strong and tenacious girl with a strong love of justice. She is also a loyal friend. 

Jeannie Nelson (I Dream Of Jeannie):

Jeannie is so sweet and loyal. She is my favorite character in I Dream Of Jeannie. There is truly never a dull moment with Jeannie around. She’s brings the crazy into any situation and I mean that in the best way possible. No, but seriously she is such a positive and sweet character until you cross her and then as a magical genie you will wish you had never been born ;) Also what fun Barbara must have had playing that character, not only because of all the crazy situations she got to play, but also Jeannie had the best wardrobe ever!

Laura Petrie (The Dick Van Dyke Show):

Laura was such a unique TV character for the time. In the early days of Television there were usually two types of women characters. You had the June Cleaver, stay at home, always dressed immaculately in a dress and apron, always there for some sage advice for her children type of character. And then you had the nagging wife/magnet for trouble like Lucy Ricardo. I don’t want to do too much of a disservice to Lucy cause she is a very beloved TV character and in some ways was very ahead of her time. Yet Laura was very different than those two types of characters. She was supremely real in every way. She wore pants a lot, she had breakdowns because at times being a stay at home mom was difficult and thankless, she talked like a real person would not like a June Cleaver or a Donna Stone. She was funny, talented. At one point, Sally was taking a leave of absence from Rob’s TV show that he was a head writer for and Laura asked to help out in any way. Rob agreed for her to be a typist for them, to at least fill some of the void of Sally’s absence. During that time, Laura actually comes up with some jokes and helps with the writing of the show as well.  She was a dancer, she is proficient in self defense. She was truly an amazing character and so unique for an early 1960s TV show.

Olivia Dunham (Fringe):

Anna was an actress who took me completely by surprise. The first few episodes of Fringe, I didn’t feel like she was such an amazing actress, yet as the show went on, Anna really showed herself to be an Emmy worthy actor. She got to play so many different versions of this character as well. She played the original Olivia and then we meet Olivia from an alternate universe and there are some big ways and some subtle ways that those two versions of Olivia are different. There’s a character named William Bell and he is played by Leonard Nimoy. For a stretch of like three episodes, Olivia gets inhabited by William Bell. So it’s Anna Torv doing a hilarious and really well done impression of Leonard Nimoy/his character in Fringe, her mannerisms are so funny in those episodes!! Yes, this show probably sounds crazy.... it is but in the best possible way, everyone should go watch it :) I remember when I became endeared to her character. It was when I saw her interact with her niece, Ella. It showed such a soft and real side of her. She’s a protector, she’s badass, she’s an incredible mother, wife, sister, friend, and aunt.

Astrid Farnsworth (Fringe):

Astrid is such a fun character in Fringe. She’s very endearing and real and funny. I’m sad that during the run of the show, we didn’t get to see more of her, but all that we did get was so much fun. The lab scenes are some of my favorites. The dynamic of Astrid, Walter, and Peter is just the best! Also the alternate universe Astrid is the purest and sweetest angel and must be protected at all costs :)

Sookie St James (Gilmore Girls):

The character of Sookie was really important in my opinion she is a beautiful plus size woman where her size did not define her, she was not the butt of the joke. She is a well respected chef, a loving mother, friend, and wife. When people think of Melissa McCarthy, they don’t typically first think of this role, but in my opinion it’s the best role of her career. She’s very funny in this part, but it’s a different and more low key kind of comedy than some people are used to seeing her in. BTW Drunk Sookie is iconic!! LOL

Lane Kim (Gilmore Girls):

Another character in Gilmore Girls that is underappreciated. She an incredibly talented drummer and she largely taught herself to play the drums. I can’t remember if the music store owner ever taught her but I feel like didn’t. I think she just let her use the display drums until Lane could buy them. Lane is funny and cool and a supportive friend. All the actors in Gilmore Girls were great at the dramatic bits as well, and Keiko was no different, some of those scenes between Lane and Mrs Kim really broke my heart which is credit to Emily and Keiko’s acting ability.

[zabreti]

the time has finally come for me to start expressing what i have been overwhelmingly feeling for the past week, since i started to properly listen to this sunshine of a woman named joanna newsom. i want to- actually, i need to vent a little about the album ys, since it’s the one i first listened to. plus my initial contact with joanna’s work and thoughts that came with it

even though i only found out about her a few months ago, i guess everyone knows her(?); if you don’t, you should. there’s not one single moment in which i’m not mad at myself for not finding her sooner. so fyi, she’s a harpist, pianist, singer and songwriter from nevada. according to some sources, she may be the most famous harpist alive today; i really don’t know about you, but it really sounds quite badass for me.

i started searching for her stuff after watching her husband’s - andy samberg - multiple interviews, where he would be sometimes asked about their marriage. i’ve been binge watching random interviews with people i like for the last weeks, and i found myself actually watching some interviews of hers before i even got to listen to her music.

btw, look at this fucking adorable couple. just look at them for a second.

first of all, what a lovely woman! each answer, each laughter, each little thing she did on camera caused an admiration for the idea of andy and her together to grow strongly; i wasn’t even sure if it was ok for me to feel so strongly about someone else’s relationship. my curiosity grew when i started to read the comments on these videos on youtube, pretty much 100% of them being about her intelligence, her talent and how her music sounds angelical, mystical and perfectly constructed. (let it be said that it only grew more and more as i watched every single interviewer asking both andy and joanna about how different their works are, and how different they appear to be as individuals; not only was suggested that andy would probably not rise up to such an intelligent, serious taste as to fall in love with her (he doesn’t even need to say a word for anyone to realize how passionately in love he is with joanna and her entire work), but also said that no one could believe she was actually able to be a goofy, easy-going, good-humored person because of the lyrics she writes. ok, i could spend hours listing the unnecessary questions i identified in these interviews, and how i get easily annoyed by these famous hosts assuming stuff or trying to create an uncomfortable environment; and don’t even get me started on the fact that most of the interviews she was invited to would revolve around her relationship with andy. i’m choosing to let this feeling pass for now, since it’s not my focus today.)

i couldn’t help but start by saying all this since i truly adore andy’s works, and nothing feels warmer than realizing two amazing people are in love and have a family together by choice.

i mean..... ??????? c’mon. greatest couple alive. try and fight me on this.

another interesting thing i found out was that she dislikes streaming platforms similar to spotify, which probably (?) justifies the fact that i never came across her songs, since i use spotify on a daily basis and have been using it to find new artists for the last years. call me ignorant, it’s fine, truly; but i haven’t heard of similar opinions coming from artists, and it made me even more curious to know what this woman was expressing, creating, thinking. she actually told larry king: 

“spotify is a business model. it’s not good. it’s based on the idea of circumventing the payment of artists. (...) i’m not opposed to streaming. i understand that the world is shifting and that the way music is valued and monetized is shifting, and i’m ok with that. and i’m even ok with people not paying for music (...), i just wish that there was a better way to do it that didn’t only pay a company. (...) i haven’t heard of one [alternative to spotify] that seems built the way that i would prefer it to be built.”

one of spotify owners (owners or directors, idek and idec) even replied to her many critics, but she never changed her mind or retreated from defending even her honest, harsh comments about how spotify is “like a villainous cabal of major labels”. for me, that’s a badass woman. not only for expressing herself without giving a damn about anyone who might be offended in this process, but also for choosing the path that felt ethical and worthy, and being recognized all over the world for her talent while following her own ways. i know, right? simply awesome.

there i was, reading the endless comments on her interviews’ videos and wondering what the fuss was all about. there was nothing left for me to do other than to actually start listening to her songs. i could have done it by looking up her discography and starting from her first project, but somehow i stomped into the ys album, which was released in 2006, in youtube itself.

first of all, would you look at this freaking cover?

i found it absolutely gorgeous in each detail; in fact, i really wish to know if there are meanings in the little specific parts of the painting. maybe there aren’t any and i’m just trying to create a more complex joanna in my mind? sure, sounds like me. or maybe there are lots of ‘em and she already said it on camera and i simply missed this video? sure, sounds possible. i won’t lie, i spent so much time thinking about this cover... maybe way too much time. alright, on we go.

there are 5 tracks on the album: emily, monkey & bear, sawdust and diamonds, only skin and cosmia.

at first, i didn’t quite understand what i was listening to. and i’m not talking about the lyrics, i’m talking about the whole idea of the album, the artist, the genre. the conjunction formed by her high pitches and soft, delicious vocal variations, surrounded lovingly by the harp and the violins was very mysterious to me. at first, i wouldn’t be encouraged to keep listening to her. but something kept me there, seated, staring at the screen and paying attention to each second of it. it was an experience. a real transportation. i searched for the lyrics on genius, and anyone that would pass by my bedroom’s open door would see me completely enamored by what i was listening to, like a concentrated kid being told an epic, adventurous, huge, beautiful and complex story. that is exactly how i felt: in the middle of a field, picturing each image she described in the song; each figure, each feeling. she described it all in a way that made me wonder how can someone describe a dream so vividly, how can someone describe anything so perfectly, so fully, and not sound redundant, not sound at all boring. the way the melody and the lyrics fit together, as a gift perfectly wrapped and tightly involved in the most beautiful way. i repeat: it was an experience. it is an experience. this is not something you can listen to at any given time, at any given place; i would not dare to not pay attention each time i would plan to listen to it. this is how seriously submerged i felt by joanna in that moment; in that entire day.

all of this, all of this immersion, all of this dream-like state in which i found myself in, kept growing its roots in me throughout the entire album, in a way i needed to show someone - anyone - joanna before i even got to finish the five songs; and the first one that came near me happened to be my mother. while listening, she actually found it quite pleasing, “like some old movie’s soundtrack” when listening to emily, “like an 1960′s melody” when listening to sawdust and sand, and on she went about the entire album. and this got me thinking about how i would describe her genre; of course, after following her on bandcamp i found out i was actually listening to some folk/pop/avant-garde/baroque pop/chamber folk/indie stuff. sounds about right, but at the same time not right at all, for some reason. i believe it’s fair to say that joanna has a magical, rare quality to her music that makes it different to each one listening to it. i’ve said it too much and i’ll say it again: it’s an experience, a complete, true one. it ressonates with deep, personal places. and, strangely, it makes many people describe the feeling that urges to grow inside their hearts as “home”; and i share this exact same sensation.

i really don’t know if it makes any sense, but see: i cherish my alone time probably more than anything in the world. i have learned to be my own best friend in many ways, and being by myself in some quiet days, at my house, reading, listening, watching and creating is when i can truly be myself. with that said, listening to this album, i felt at home. it made me feel even more alone, and i mean it in the most loving, warm, hypnotizing way. 

the ys album is a relatively quick production to be heard, even though it feels like you’ve been gone for hours, days, weeks on end while listening to it. the amount of literary, historic and philosofical references in the lyrics is magically overwhelming; i simply wasn’t able to snap out of it for a long time, and i have, to this day, re-listened to the album about 5 times. still reading the lyrics again and again, still grasping at some expressions faintly but amazed, still finding out about hidden and not so hidden meanings behind each track. still defining it, every single day.

i hope for the great discoveries i feel like pursuing from her work, and the diverse new singers, song-writers, harpists, pianists, violinists, chellists and musicists in general i’ll try to find, understand and support from now on. i’m thankful for finding out how much i love the mix between an orchestra-like atmosphere and a sweet, honest voice ringing in my ears; and how the words assembled together feels like a psychography.

i thank the universe every single day for the opportunity to discover people like joanna newsom.

[doyouever-daydream]

Earth Day Surprises

A/N So here I am bringing another Luna oneshot inspired by Earth Day and Kirsten’s Pie Chart and well, I usually get ideas for fics on dates like this and never write them but today I had the time so yeah. 

This could work as part two of Birthday wishes BUT could also be read as one installment. Uhm, btw, I might also have an idea for how Luna’s birth went down so that’s why there’s a nod to that story at the end, would you like to read it?

Pairing: Penelope Garcia x Luke Alvez

Warnings: None, I think.

Word count: 2647 (Oof I usually write like 900w)

Masterlist

It was a Wednesday morning and the smell of pancakes invaded the Alvez home, it was a rare occasion where they could be together during the morning on a weekday but then again these were rare times, Penelope shook her head trying not to think about what was going on and calling her daughter who was getting dressed in her bedroom.

“Baby, breakfast is ready” Penelope called for her while pouring herself a cup of coffee and sitting on the stool waiting for her.

It took five year old Luna a good ten minutes till she appeared in the kitchen wearing denim overalls, a hat and gardening boots, she had asked her mom to braid her hair first thing in the morning before she even brushed her teeth and Penelope happily agreed to do so, she looked adorable in the outfit and carrying Sergio in her arms.

“It’s Earth Day, mommy! I put a sticker on my calendar so I wouldn’t forget!” She announced with a big smile on her face and the cat jumped to go and eat from his bowl.

“It is indeed, I’m happy you’re excited” Penelope mirrored the smile on her daughter’s face, ever since she knew she was going to be a mom she wished to raise her to be earth-friendly, Luke had jumped on board with the idea and they had done a good job so far.

“I want to see if my seeds are finally good to pot them” She exclaimed happy while she climbed on the stool beside her mom “And I want to water all my plants and I want to play in the garden, I also want to pick flowers and see if any more lemons have grown and see if the butterfly has left the cocoon, OH, I WANT TO PLAY FOSSILS” Luna was overly excited about the day ahead.

“Ok, my little explorer, but to do all those things you need energy, now eat your pancakes” She pushed the plate that was Luna’s towards her and she immediately dug in, it took a moment for Roxy to stood on the counter hoping they’d share their food, which made Luna realize someone was missing.

As she looked around she confirmed Luke was nowhere in sight and with a furrowed brow she asked “Where’s daddy?” 

“He had to go to work but only for a few hours” Luna eyes shot up “He’s not going anywhere, I promise”

“He’s not supposed to leave the house” She informed her mom while she took a sip of her orange juice.

“Your aunt Emily really needed him to go besides he’s going to pick up food, we cannot starve and you need lots of veggies and fruits so you grow super strong”

“We should grow them in our yard!” Penelope had a knowing smile but remained silent “I need all the vitamins to be super strong so I can rescue animals, mommy” Recently Luna was determined to be a veterinarian and it made both of her parent’s happy to see her discovering what she wanted to be, maybe she would change her mind or maybe not but either way seeing her being so passionate about animals was endearing.

“Ah, yes, you will need vitamins but also you’ll need to go to college and for that you need to do today’s schoolwork” As the words left Penelope’s mouth, Luna’s face showed no interest.

“I did it yesterday! Today’s Earth Day” She now had a pout and stopped eating.

“Sorry to inform you, sweetheart but even today we do schoolwork, you’re learning to do sums, isn’t that exciting?” Penelope finished her pancakes and went to put her plate on the sink.

“It is not, I already know how to do that, two plus two equals four” Penelope smiled at her “Seven plus two equals nine” She tried to impress her mom.

“Good! You are doing great, baby, but you have to keep on practicing so you can do bigger sums”

“I know how to do that, I even know how to multiply, 13 times 379 equals 4927” Luna said with determination and a huge grin on her face seeing her mom was finally impressed,  Penelope feigning surprise, she came closer to her daughter while she put on a surprised face.

“You, my little precious girl” She tapped Luna’s nose with her finger “Memorized that from Matilda, you and your daddy watch it all the time” Luna’s face fell as she made complaint noises “You have an amazing memory, I’ll give you that” 

“Thirteen plus eight equals…” She quickly counted with her fingers “Twentyone”

“That’s  right, I tell you, you keep practicing and you’ll get even better” The little girl sighed “Today your teacher wants to do a video call with you and your friends, that’s exciting” Luna’s face lit up and she finished  her pancakes ready to start her day.

A few hours later, Luna had done her schoolwork with her mom working beside from her laptop, so whenever she needed help she could easily ask.

The five year old had a Zoom meeting with the rest of her classmates and teacher, it was a sweet sight for Penelope, she knew Luna missed going to school and seeing her friends, after all she took after her when it came to being social, she wasn’t that shy and reserved as her dad, Luna was always trying to be friends with other kids and told anyone who would listen stories about her life, whether it was about that time they visited her daddy’s family in New York or the new bird’s nest that was in her backyard, she had a way getting into conversations with anyone about anything.

A little before lunch, they all heard Luke’s truck pulling up on the driveway, Roxy immediately started barking and Luna ran to the window followed by Sergio who watched curiously outside.

“Daddy’s here” Luna wanted to open the door but her parents always told her she shouldn’t do that so she waited anxiously for her dad to come through the door but after a few minutes there was no sight of him.

“Come on, Lu, let’s go out back” She extended her hand and Luna happily took it as she jumped up and down wondering what was happening. 

On the sideway of their house, his dad truck was parked with two small trees on the back, Luke stood there waiting to see his girl’s reaction.

“Are we going to plant trees?” She asked with wide eyes to both of her parents.

“We are, we needed more additions to our tree family, what do you think?” Luke informed her and Luna started to jump up and down “Alright, I’m gonna go wash my hands and change my clothes and then I’ll come to take this to the garden, now go and choose with your mom a good place for them”

“YES!” Her parents laughed as she ran to the back of the garden, Roxy and Sergio following her to see what the fuss was all about

“Who would’ve thought our daughter loved Earth Day as much as she loves Christmas?” Penelope joked and Luke looked incredulously at her.

“With you as her mom, are you even surprised?” She raised her eyebrows “It’s not a bad thing, I actually love her being like this” Penelope watched as Luna grabbed her gloves and tried to put them up.

“Let me go and help her before she starts to dig in with her bare hands” She turned to Luke “Go and change, we have a long day ahead”

When Luke returned to the backyard his entire family was there, Luna and Penelope were already holding shovels and digging while Roxy was in a totally different spot digging a hole and Sergio watched all of them, unbothered as always.

“Daddy, we want them here” She looked up and beneath her hat, he could see her eyes shine with joy and some dirt on her cheeks.

“Wherever you want them, princess, now let me go and bring them” Luke proceeded to carry the small trees and the soil bags he had also bought.

They dug the holes and Luna was over the moon, seeing the new members of their garden, they had a picnic on their garden and then returned to work, once they planted the trees, she insisted on hugging them carefully so they would feel welcome in their new home.

“Ok, sweetheart, so this will be your tree” Penelope signaled the tree on the right “And many, many years from now we’ll come out here and we’ll see how much your tree has grown” She nodded excitedly unable to take the eyes off of it.

“And whose tree is this?” Luke wondered as he walked behind her wrapping his arms around her waist, she leaned back on his chest and sighed.

“Ours” He kissed her head and they continued the celebration.

“We have one more surprise for you, princess” At this statement Luna finally turned to pay attention to her parents.

“Daddy picked up some seeds so we can plant them and take care of them” Luna smiled big for a moment and then she looked sad “What’s wrong, Lu?” Penelope worried.

“Roxy chew my gardening tools the other week” As if Roxy knew exactly what she meant her ears bent down and whimpered.

“Ah, you see, we remembered that, and that’s why we got you a new set of gardening tools” Luna looked as if she was about to cry of happiness, something she had done before, just like her mom.

“And they’re yellow, my favorite color” She exclaimed as she took them from mom.

Luke bent down and whispered in Penelope’s ear “Wasn’t her favorite color, purple?”

“Oh, newbie, that was last week” She teased him and he laughed at the nickname he could never live down, not even as husband and wife, she would forget it “Now, let’s get to it”

They explained to her that the seeds were for different vegetables, and that if they took good care of them, they would be eat the vegetables from their produce. Luna had a journal, she made drawings but had her mommy writing in it which vegetables they were trying to grow and what date it was so they wouldn’t forget.

“How come you never ask me to write in it, Lu?” Luke asked as he crossed his arms and Luna told her mom exactly what to write.

“Your handwriting isn’t that good, daddy, but it’s ok, we can practice together so we have nice handwriting like mommy’s” Penelope laughed soundly and kept writing careful not to mess it up so Luna would still trust her with the task “Thank you for making this a great day, I love Earth Day, I want all Earth Days to be like this”

“Oh, you just ask, baby, I will fill this with trees if that’s what you want” Luke confessed to which his little girl just laughed and reached her arms up to him.

Luke picked her up, he wished Luna would always want him to hold her “I love you, daddy” She kissed her cheek and yawned.

“También te amo, corazón” He kissed her hair and put her down so she could go with Penelope.

“I love you, mommy” She hugged Penelope and Penelope, felt tears coming to her eyes, not once she took for granted how lucky she was to be Luna’s mom.

“I love you too, baby, with all my heart and soul, now, it’s time for a bath”

After they had dinner, bathed Luna and put her to bed, they also took a shower and had some leftover cake they all had baked the other day, a little after Luke found himself leaning on the doorframe, looking at the backyard, he remembered how when they got the house it was empty, it was just a bunch of dirt but Penelope had been so excited to turn it into somewhere nice so they could have people over, a few years later and they envisioned their own family being there and now actually enjoying it with their daughter was incredible.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Penelope stood beside him with a cup of tea.

“Just admiring the garden” He placed an arm on her shoulders and brought her closer to  him.

“It looks good, isn’t it? I always knew watching Yard Crashers would pay off” She joked and remembered how she would force Luke to watch it with her until he admitted he liked it too.

“The trees will look great once they grow a little bit more” He could picture both of them providing more shade.

“When I was little, my parents planted a tree and told me it was mine to take care of and to watch it grow and so I did” She swallowed “At one point all I had left of them was that tree, I tried to take it with me when I had to move out of the house but I obviously couldn’t but the new owners asked me about it and I told them the story so they kept it, and they told me that I could always go and visit it and it may sound silly but I did, I visited there, it was easier than going to the cemetery and I felt…” She trailed off as the tears came down “I don’t know, a connection to them, to my childhood, so that’s why I needed them to have their own tree”

Luke remained silent assimilating the story, she had never told him that before and he just took her in her arms and allowed her to cry, after a few minutes something clicked in his brain.

“Them?” He asked as he looked for her eyes, she was calmer.

“I’ve been having suspicions for a week and the other day I went to buy Tylenol for Lu, I bought a bunch of tests, they were all positive” The tears of sadness were now replaced by tears of happiness and relief, they’ve been trying ever since Luna had asked them for a baby brother, it had been almost ten months since, they went to doctors, they did tests and treatments.

“How far long do you think you are?” Luke was in shock and overwhelmed.

“I’m not sure, a month? Two? Maybe Santa Claus will make Luna’s wish come true instead of the birthday fairy” She cried and laughed at the same time, Luke locked his lips with hers, they’ve been looking forward to extending their family and the road hadn’t been an easy one but finally it was becoming a reality.

She melted in the kiss, feeling extremely happy to finally share the news with him, she wanted to tell him ever since she took the test a little before he arrived from Quantico, they were beginning another adventure and both were sure it was going to be absolutely amazing.

As they pulled apart their foreheads remained together “That’s why I asked for two trees, one for Lu and one for this little peanut” Penelope confessed and Luke grinned.

“Think about how excited Luna was for today, wait till we tell her she’s going to be a big sister” Luke couldn’t wait but he knew he had to wait for at least a few weeks.

“I know! She’ll have us counting down the days till the baby is here” She thought about her reaction and laughed.

Luke couldn’t keep his eyes off of her, after seeing her struggle so much with the treatments it was finally happening and he wanted to be there for her every second of it. His mind went back to the story of Luna’s birth and although now it was somehow funny, when it happened he was scared he might miss it but he wouldn’t let that happen again.

[annakie]

An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Four

Wherein we make it to the Citadel, and do a lot of running around.

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

So right away, we meet Udina and the Council, way to throw us right into it.  

It’s a brief introduction and gives us an idea what Humanity is up against and who is representing us.  Basically, we’re supposed to get the idea that it’s a lot of bureaucratic bullshit, I guess.

This is also the first time we see Asari and Salarians, and they’re in reddish-brown and white, which really isn’t the best look.

Bioware continues to push the story forward.  We get enough to know that Udina is kind of an ass, and the Council isn’t going to just trust what some guy says even if he is the representative for billions of people.

And finally, after this, we’re set free.

The Citadel I think is one of the coolest locations in like almost any game I’ve ever played.  They do a great job of both making it feel huge, but also accessible.  Enough bridges to get across to places you need to get to, and after you walk somewhere once, Citadel Rapid Transit is great.  I still choose to take elevators about 80% of the time even when I can CRT somewhere, just because I like the squad conversations and news updates. There’s a shorter elevator rides mod that helps, too.

There’s so much to do and see, and having one of the main areas just be such an awesome combination of scifi futurism and lush greenery + water is both trippy and breathtaking.  I think, especially with the updated graphics mods/settings, the Presidium especially holds up fairly well.  I mean it definitely feels more populated and modern in ME3 but, I just consider this to be more of a residential / professional area of the Presidium and most of what we see in ME3 is a more retail section.

It’d be annoying to be a groundskeeper here, though.  Lots of green areas that you’d really need to climb to, or garden on a steep slant. :p

I always found it interesting that the natural first place to head to is into the ambassador’s office next door, where we find some friendly aliens, and one not-so-friendly one.  But honestly, this is a great place to find out the different ways other species view humanity, and how there’s apparently tiers of respect given to various species.

I always kind of hoped the Elcor would feature more prominently into the world in future games, but at least we got Hamlet.  I have SO MANY QUESTIONS about how Elcor like... do things?  We never see it but you have to assume that their hands have opposable thumbs and they’re able to stand on two legs, right?  I want to see what an Elcor ship looks like and Dakuna specifically.  Give us more elcor, Bioware!

BTW, the Mass Effect: Annihilation (aka the book that was supposed to be based on the Quarian Ark DLC that never happened in Andromeda) is totally worth reading just for the elcor character in it.  It’s also probably the best of the Mass Effect books, in my opinion.

Din Korlack’s got a point though, they not only have to share an office, but their view isn’t nearly as good as the human’s.  This is especially bullshit for the volus, who could stand on that railing and probably STILL wouldn’t have a view.

I love how Mass Effect 2 takes her from a completely forgettable character to making me think  “Sorry you’re gonna die in a few weeks, your mom’s really gonna miss you.” every time I see her.

PALIN DESERVED BETTER.

I don’t remember which ME3 mod it is, maybe the Spectre Expansion Mod or maybe EGM, but thank you whichever modder it was who made Palin’s story and death more clear in ME3.  Sorry Udina got you killed.

Also, it was good to get a dissenting opinion on Spectres from him.

Avina is such a good, optional way to get more loredump.  Yes, you can again ask them about Spectres if you want to hear about them again.  But I liked that each Avina terminal taught you a little more about whatever you were nearby, and the state of the galaxy in general and since they were programmed to be information dumps, it felt more natural to get information this way.

Don’t these people have jobs?

I love the Krogan statue, and the Avina terminal nearby telling you about it.  But now every time I see it, all I can picture is Grunt and his buddies climbing it.  So good.

Managed to get a clean shot of the crew without the UI in the elevator, thanks Flycam!  You have about a half a second to get this shot though, because the camera is stationary while the elevator is not.

Oh hell-lo Pailin, who is your charming-looking friend there?

This entire conversation needs to be longer. It’s a nice, quick introduction to Garrus, but, well, let’s spend a little more time with the main characters!!

I mean how can you not just not immediately love that?  Hey remember how bad Garrus’ face texture used to be?  Thanks, modders.

I just really love the Citadel tower.  Absolutely beautiful and atmospheric.

SO the thing is, if you can pretend that Saren isn’t, you know, already half Reaperized, 100% the Council is right to not just go throwing one of their longer-term agents in jail because Shepard had a bad dream and a random dockworker said the guy who killed Saren looked like this.

Honestly though, this and OH A GOOD CHUNK OF MASS EFFECT 2 would be so much easier if Shepard wore a bodycam. :p

Also, I wonder who took the dockworker’s testimony?  Did Kaidan run back real quick while Shepard was sleeping?

This was an embarrassment for humanity, and I agree with Udina that we needed more to go on before making demands of the council.  The council is right to not convict based off a bad dream Shepard had.  Go get some real proof!  Also, do a bunch of sidequests!

And scan some Keepers for this shady guy!

Which is actually good quest design, because you really have to go to every nook and cranny in the Citadel to find them all, though it would have been nice if they showed up on the minimap.   Really gets you to explore and get to know the area like the back of your hand.

This time around, I forgot to grab the one outside Dr. Michele’s office and had to hunt for it before heading up to grab the last one at the docks.

Thank you, though, Barla Von, for telling us all about the Shadow Broker and telling us about Wrex.  See u in ME3.

Bioware please give us diverse-suited volus in a remaster.  Maybe I’m reusing a pic of Din Korlack, you’ll never know! :p

Thanks, texture modders, for really highlighting what the end of the hanar’s noses look like. 

The hanar are another species I wish we got more of throughout the series.  They are probably the most alien of all the aliens we interact with.   I mean, at least we got Blasto.  I’d really love to visit Kahje someday.  I know it’s in the comics, but you know, in-game.

Annnd let’s go visit Sha'ira.

I have very mixed feelings about Sha'ira.  On one hand, she’s clearly very respected, is probably making bank, in control of her own destiny etc.  On the other hand, she’s probably the asari we have the second most interaction with in this game after Liara, and after just seeing Benezia’s boob-tastic clothing and then heading to Chora’s Den soon to see the dancing asari we’re getting a very slanted view of the species.  I think Bioware course corrects in later games but oof this is such a dude-fantasy alien species in ME1 it hurts.  Especially since Liara is almost a born-sexy-yesterday trope.

Also... don’t touch me if I don’t wanna be touched. =\

Noveria advertisements... that just say Noveria.  I guess this is effective marketing in 2148.

Look how great those shadows from the tree are... actual definition in shadow... wow.

Raise your hand if you’ve missed this conversation in a playthrough before and reloaded like an hour or more past to make sure you get it.

It’s one of those little moments that they didn’t have to put in.  Just a little conversation reflecting on humans and humanity, and our place in the world, and showcasing Ash’s wit and Kaidan’s adorkableness.  Also making sure you appreciate all the work that went into this particular view.  It’s a pause in the action and all the things you have going on, and it’s so great for characterization and making you feel a part of the world.  

Speaking of the view... I decided to flycam it.  Warning, I spoil some of the “magic” below.

Pretty quickly, you see that the arms are actual objects, untextured on the non-visible side.

I decided to head for the closest line of “cars” on the bottom center-left to see what those “cars” looked like.

Flycam feels pretty fast when you’re trying to frame a specific shot just right... but when you need to travel a great distance, it feels verrry slow.

It took me probably close to five minutes of traveling to make it all the way there.

What I discovered was... a few of the buildings are real, the rest are a very good painting.

This is how far away the citadel is from the rest of the map. That grid would be that entire view from outside Dr. Michele’s office all the way to the edge of the shops on the other side, plus some extra.

So both the building that those “cars” (the string of white lights) are coming from and going to are... on the painting.  Neither one are physical objects.

Made some gifs.

You can see the lights moving at a mostly-downward angle, while it looks like they’re just heading south when standing on the Citadel.  Also you can see other lights moving farther up the map.

And here you can see the lights “disappearing behind a building” but they’re really just hitting an invisible wall, the dark angle of that building is just a part of the wall painting.   

Looking up from the wall...

So that was a fun distraction.

Emily Wong deserved:

Better.

An entire shirt.

A mention in ME3 after she gave her life on social media defending Earth against the reapers while keeping her cool reporting on the invasion the day before ME3′s release.

That day before launch though... was amazing.  Bioware did such a great job on social media with the reaper invasion happening on twitter.  I loved that lots of fans got into it, too, posting photoshops and their own reaper invasion stories.  I remember being at work that day but not actually working very much.  A few friends and I had a google hangout going on to report in on anything we saw happening on social media and keep up with it and to be very hyped together online.  

We reblogged a bunch of it on fuckyeahbioware starting about here and working backwards through numbers.  

One of the ME3 mods, and again, sorry, don’t remember which, does give Emily a nice tribute through an email.  She deserves it.

Okay that’s enough for this post!  Will try to finish up the Citadel next time!

[ninjadurtles]

“It’s Not What It Looks Like” Grayson Dolan Imagine

Requested?-  “30? With Grayson plllsssssss, I love how you write btw that’s why I’m asking twince lol” - @dolanfivsosxox So this is Number 30 from the prompt list. Thank you so much for the sweet request! I hope you enjoy it and I’m so sorry it’s this late!

Word Count- 7.4k.

Warnings- Language.

Author’s Note- Holy shit, it’s been a while! Sorry, I’ve been super super busy and this surprisingly enough took a long while to write. This is the longest thing I’ve written and it was a test of my patience. Hats off to every writer who’s ever written more than 1000 words coz damn, it’s hard! Anyway, I will be replying to all my lovely asks soon- thank you to everyone who’s sent an ask in, I really really appreciate it! Lots and lots of love to you all xx

Masterlist

"It's not what it looks like!"

Your best friend raised her eyebrow at you as she waved your phone at you. You knew there was a good reason you'd given her full access to your phone but you couldn't remember what it was for the life of you as she grinned like a cheshire cat, your phone held tightly in your hand.

"Really? Coz it looks like you're getting it on with the guy you've had a crush on since forever."

You huffed as you stalked towards where she was perched on the sofa, ready to snatch your phone from her but she was ready, leaning out of your reach and holding you back with a sock clad foot.

"No one's getting anything on," you protested as you tried to bat away her legs, doing your best to reach- unsuccessfully- for your phone.

"Not what it looks like," Maya singsonged gleefully as she read the messages on the screen. She let out a squeal, twisting away as you lunged for her, ending up half on top off her. "Stop! Stop! Stop!"

"Give it- ooft!" You groaned as you landed on your back on the floor, the breath well and truly knocked out of you. Taking in a deep breath, you pushed yourself up so you were sitting on your carpet and glared at your so called best friend. "I really hate you."

She waved a hand at you dismissively. "Yeah, I love you too. But seriously, when did you start flirting with Grayson Dolan?"

You shrugged with faux nonchalance, your fingers twisting together.

Dating apps weren't really your thing so when Maya had all but forced you to download Bumble, the last thing you'd expected was to come across Grayson's profile as you'd halfheartedly swiped through an endless myriad of photos. You'd remembered stopping in surprise, your finger ready to continue its spree of rejecting every option, when you'd recognised the chiselled face in the photos as your good friend who you may or may not have had a thing for for the last few years.

Then, before you could second guess yourself, you'd swiped right because what was the harm, right? If he came across your profile and didn't swipe back, he'd be none the wiser. He could go on with his life, blissfully ignorant about the way he made your heart skip a beat every time his eyes crinkled when he smiled and Maya could stop harassing you about never trying. Win-win situation.

You just hadn't been expecting to be told it was a match. And you knew he'd probably matched back because he'd thought it'd be a funny joke between friends. 'Remember that time we both matched on Bumble?' 'Yeah, hilarious.' By then you'd obviously had to message him because not messaging him would have definitely made things awkward. So you'd sent a casual message to him, laughing about the situation and the joint embarrassment of discovering each other's dating profiles and somehow, you'd both kept chatting.

"A few days ago, I guess," you finally conceded when the weight of her expectant gaze proved too much.

"And you didn't tell me? I'm hurt." She pouted at you in mock offence before patting the sofa cushion next to her. "Come on, get up here so I can psychoanalyse these messages properly."

Sighing in resignation, you pushed yourself off of the floor and flopped down onto the sofa, crossing your arms as you watched her scroll through the conversation.

"Holy shit, you guys are hardcore flirting!"

You felt your cheeks warm at her exclamation even as you tried to keep your face neutral. "It's not like that."

"Are you kidding me? 'Can't believe we matched haha.' 'How could I turn down the chance to talk to a pretty girl?' 'You're not so bad yourself.' Are you seriously trying to tell me you're not flirting?" She cast you an exasperated glance before gluing her eyes back to the screen. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, gnawing anxiously as you let her finish her investigating in silence. The minutes dragged on but you let out a sigh of relief when she tossed your phone back to you, fumbling to catch it and pull it close to your chest.

You looked back to Maya who was staring at you with a finely arched eyebrow and far too much amusement.

"What?""You're genuinely going to tell me you're not flirting? To my face?"

"We're just messing around. We found each other on a dating app and we're just playing along. It's ironic flirting," you explained with as much casualness you could summon.

"Uh huh," she drawled out, unconvinced. "No, what's ironic is that I signed you up to this dating app for the express purpose of helping you move on from Grayson and you've somehow managed to completely negate that."

You pouted at her. "I thought you signed me up because you thought it was time I met a 'nice boy' so I could stop third wheeling you and Josh."

A roll of her eyes. "Yeah, a nice boy who wasn't Grayson. Gotta give you props for that. When you want something, you don't quit."

She yelled out when the cushion you'd been leaning on made contact with her smug face.

"Shut up. I didn't exactly plan for this. Plus, like I've told you a hundred times now, it's not like that." You sighed when she fixed you with a sceptical look, dropping your head back onto the couch cushion. "I'm not just saying that to be cute or coy or whatever. I genuinely do think he's just trying to be funny. Plus, he kind of has that casual thing going with Emily so I doubt he's looking for anything serious."

"Er, yeah, no, he doesn't." You lifted your head, confused as you took in the sight of your best friend who at least had the decency to look a little apologetic. "Liam told me their thing ended a good while ago."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"'Cause you would've gone straight back to pining for him from a distance, never having the guts to do anything because you didn't think there was a chance. And, I love you, babe, but to be completely honest, I didn't think there was much of a chance either. Except now, you're both flirting with each other so I'm telling you to go for it!"

"There's nothing to go for!" you exclaimed, trying to burrow yourself further into the sofa.

"So what's your 'plan'? Just continue to flirt with him 'ironically' forever?" You narrowed your eyes at her hands making air quotes.

"No," you said pointedly, rolling your eyes. "I'm just going to wait until I see him at Liam's this weekend and then we can laugh over it in person and move on."

The sound of a notification cut off whatever she was about to say next and you grinned in victory at the sight of her mouth snapping shut. Your relief was short lived as you read the words on your phone screen, your stomach twisting into nervous knots.

"Change of plans," you managed to get out, scanning over the words again just to make sure you'd read them right the first time. "He, erm, wants to meet for dinner tomorrow."

…..

"Oh my god," you hissed into your phone, ducking your head low as you stepped past a middle aged couple dressed to the nines. "This place is ridiculous. I can't do this."

"What? Ridiculous how?" Maya asked. You mumbled an apology as you narrowly avoided ploughing into a pretty girl in a dress that definitely cost more than your salary this month.

"You know I'm a feminist and a strong supporter of splitting the bill but, holy shit, Grayson better offer to pay or at least have an amazing discount code because I'm pretty sure I cannot afford a starter from this place, let alone a whole meal."

"Oh. That kind of ridiculous."

"Yeah. I'm not built for places like this. I completely panicked like an idiot when the valet guy offered to park my shitty little car and said no so I had to park like 10 minutes away. And now my feet are swollen from these stupid heels." You huffed, digging a finger into the neckline of your dress and tugging at it to try and alleviate the tightness in your chest. "And this stupid dress is way too tight."

"Shut up!" You froze, taken aback by your best friend yelling down the phone at you. "Stop with the rambling and the overanalysing and the panicking. Actually, just stop with the thinking. Turn your dense brain off for two minutes and listen to me. I know you think you look overdressed and like you're trying too hard for a fake date but you look stunning. If it is a fake date, he's going to wish it was real. And I know you're nervous and you feel awkward but I also know it's going to go great. Worst case scenario, you spend some time with your friend who you really get along with and eat some good food. So stop stressing. It is going to be fine. Okay?"

You took in a deep breath, letting her reassurances slowly but surely calm you down.

"Okay?" she repeated.

"Okay."

She hummed in satisfaction. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah," you admitted with a small smile.

"Good. Now go and enjoy your ironic date," she teased and, just like that, she'd hung up on you. You rolled your eyes and stuffed your phone into the astonishingly small handbag she'd insisted you wear.

In the time you'd been talking to Maya, you'd crossed the car park, managing to avoid an embarrassing encounter with the valet guy who you'd turned down and you were now stood a few steps from the large glass doors that marked the entrance. You ran your hands over your hair, your stomach rolling with nerves as you tucked away any stray strands.

"All you have to do is be chill and enjoy. Enjoy your ironic date," you muttered to yourself, echoing Maya's words. Straightening your back, you walked through the doors.

"Good evening, madame." You'd barely stepped inside before a server was at your side, smiling politely at you. "Do you have a reservation?"

You offered a nervous smile, resisting the urge to fix your hair. "I think so. Grayson Dolan?"

"Ah, yes, Mr Dolan is waiting for you. If you'd like to follow me, madame."

"Madame," you found yourself mouthing as soon as the she had turned her back, testing out the foreign word before you could stop yourself as you trailed after her.

Your breath hitched as you turned the corner, your eyes landing on Grayson sitting at the table, his fingers playing with the napkin. His button up was snug, showing off his broad shoulders and well-built arms in a way that had your mouth go a little dry. He'd changed up his usual floppy hair, gelling it back and it bought even more attention to his chiselled face.

He looked like a model, you realised. It wasn’t a startling revelation. Grayson always looked beautiful, the perfect mix of sharp and soft, but in that moment, he looked like he would’ve belonged better on the cover of a magazine.

He glanced up towards the entrance and his eyes landed on you and, God, if there was anything you loved more than Grayson unintentionally smouldering, it was Grayson smiling. You felt your heart skip a beat as he pushed himself to his feet, napkin forgotten, his full attention on you as his eyes raked down your form. He was a breathing work of art. Michaelangelo would’ve never glanced twice at David if he’d laid eyes on Grayson.

It all just cemented the fact that this was definitely not a real date because how could Maya ever think that someone like him would go for someone like you?

You took a deep breath, trying to compose yourself as you came to a stop in front of him, the waiter offering you a final polite smile before she walked away.

“Hi," you managed to get out before he was taking your hand and bringing it up to his lips, keeping his eyes locked with yours. You felt heat dance across your cheeks, unable to look away.

"Hi," he echoed, his warm touch lingering for a few beats before he let go of your hand. "You look stunning."

"Thank you," you said softly. God, you'd have to resign to dealing with the discomfort of a burning face for the entirety of this evening if he kept this up. "You look pretty good."

"Pretty good, huh? I'll take it," he teased, eyes sparkling with his usual humour before he nodded towards the table. "Shall we?"

You nodded, stepping towards your chair before he abruptly moved towards you, pulling it out for you. You offered him a shy smile in thanks as you let him push your chair in. He'd clearly decided to fully commit to this thing, ticking off every date cliché you could think of.

"Sorry, I didn't come to pick you up," he said once he was seated. "Ethan and I had a thing across the city and I totally forgot until this morning."

You waved him off, trying to settle in your chair which was definitely more pretty than it was practical. "Don't worry about it. We could've rescheduled if you had a long day today."

He shook his head fondly. "Best way to end a long day is with a beautiful girl."

You ducked your head, the contents of your empty plate suddenly demanding your attention.

"Shall we order?" you prompted, reaching for a menu desperately. "I'm starving."

"When are you not?" he chuckled as he pulled his own menu towards him. He stopped abruptly, looking up at you. "You really do look beautiful."

The more he flashed that crooked smile at you, the more you realised that Maya was wrong. The worst case scenario wasn't an enjoyable evening with your friend. It was said friend realising that you liked him a lot more than you should. It was easy to flirt over text. He couldn't see the way his words affected you over text. He couldn't hear that your compliments were more genuine than a light joke. Sitting in front of him as he smiled at you and pinned you down with dark eyes, it was impossible to play this game with him without him realising exactly how you felt and it was so unfair that he seemed to be so at ease with this all, the perfect epitome of cool confidence- a stark contrast to the puddle of nerves you felt like.

"Thanks, Gray," you managed to get out, your eyes glued to the menu. It took a few seconds for your brain to clear enough for you to realise that the menu you were reading was essentially gibberish. You frowned, scanning the list for a single item you could recognise.

Starters, you could deal with, you decided as you identified garlic bread before miserably remembering that you definitely couldn't afford both a main and a starter from a place like this. The mains, however, were a different story.

You glanced up at Grayson, who was poring over his own menu.

"What are you getting?" you asked him, hoping he'd be able to offer some insight.

"Still looking. You?"

"Same here," you said dejectedly, sinking a little further into your seat. You eyed your tiny bag resting on the table before making your decision and trying to extract your phone from it as discretely as possible. Placing it in your lap, obscured from Grayson's view, you began the tedious task of searching your options.

"Are you ready to order?" Your head jerked up at the sudden appearance of the waiter at your table. You looked up at Grayson who raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, I think so. I'll have, uh, that." You pointed to the potato based dish you'd decided seemed like a safe option before Grayson was telling the waiter his choice.

"Any starters?"

"I'm good." You smiled politely.

"We'll have some garlic bread," Grayson said, sending you a knowing smile.

You both handed over your menus to the waiter, thanking her.

"How was your day?" Grayson asked after he'd filled both of your glasses with water.

"Huh?" you managed in response, your brain operating at suboptimal speed thanks to your nerves.

"How was your day?"

You groaned, forcing yourself to sound normal when you answered. "Long. Boring."

"Wanna talk about it?" he offered sympathetically but you shook him off.

"Not really much to talk about. I just need to find a job that's not so dull it makes me wanna peel my eyelids off," you said casually. Grayson let out a surprised laugh at your declaration. "Sorry, I'm being whiny. It's not a bad job. Just dull. Really, really dull."

"No, it's fine. Complain away. It just surprises me sometimes." You looked at him curiously and he shrugged. "E and I obviously complain sometimes about what we do too. But the one thing I can never complain about is it being dull."

"Lucky you guys," you said with a joking pout and he chuckled. "Speaking of, what did you guys get up to today?"

You reclined into your seat as he launched into an account of his and Ethan's day, his eyes bright and hands moving animatedly. To your pleasant surprise, you felt yourself start to relax as his deep, steady voice worked wonders on your nerves. You could feel your pounding heart start to slow, the tight band around your chest loosening, as you listened to him.

"That sounds amazing," you admitted, going to take a sip from your glass and frowning when you realised it was empty.

"Yeah, I'm so pumped. We're going to wait until we've almost finished though before announcing it," he said as you reached for the jug of water. You weren't sure exactly how you did it but the next thing you knew, the jug was tipping over.

"Shit!" you exclaimed as Grayson jumped in his seat, taken aback by the sudden onslaught of cold water. "Sorry! I'm so sorry!"

You pulled your napkin from your plate, paying no attention to one of your many forks clattering to the ground as you leant across the table and tried to dab at every wet spot you could see.

"It's fine," he said once the shock had worn off.

"I'm so sorry," you apologised again, wiping uselessly as a result of the table being a major barrier to your ability to reach him.

"Y/N."

"Fuck, I'm sorry."

"Y/N." You stilled when his hand wrapped around yours. "It's okay. Accidents happen. Plus, it was water. No harm, no foul. Okay?"

You offered him a small smile as he gently pried the napkin from your hands.

That was it. Any tiny semblance of composure that you'd had up until then disappeared. Grayson continued to be an absolute gentleman about it like always but you cringed internally every time you caught him squirming and subtly adjusting his clothes. He tried to engage you in conversation but it was like your brain had decided this was more than it could deal with and simply shortcircuited.

The upside to being in an expensive restaurant was that your food arrived fairly quickly and you welcomed it as an excuse to not talk as you busied yourself with chewing. The downside was the judgey side eye the woman sitting on the table next to you sent as you picked up one of the three knives in front of you. Hastily, you'd swapped it for another one, slumping in relief when she'd sniffed, seemingly appeased, and turned back to her own meal.

"We could get a dessert to split if you want?" he offered once the table was cleared of your plates, already scanning the dessert menu.

"No!" you blurted, dismissing his suggestion immediately. He looked up at you in confusion at your outburst, dark eyebrows furrowed. "I'm really full."

"You're never full," he pointed out. He turned the menu half towards you, trying to change your mind by appealing to your sweet tooth. "They have a brownie with caramel ice cream."

You shook your head and his face fell.

"Sorry, Grayson," you apologised sincerely, shifting in your seat. "I'm just stuffed."

"It's no biggie," he dismissed with a smile. You felt horrible as he tried to hide his disappointment, feeling sorry for him for having to put up with your bizarre behaviour tonight without even dessert as consolation, but you were itching to get away from him so you could finally breathe properly again. Sharing dessert like a couple from a romcom was more than you were equipped to handle.

The minutes seemed to drag on as you both waited for the bill to arrive. Grayson, being Grayson, tried his best to engage you in conversation just like he had been doing the whole night, realised you were struggling, and resigned to telling you a ridiculous story about him and Ethan, allowing you to just nod and hum at the right moments.

Finally, the silver tray was placed on the middle of your table

"Don't be ridiculous," he said, pulling the bill towards him. You opened your mouth to protest but he'd cut you off, anticipating your argument. "You can just pay for my next McDonald's."

"Thanks, Grayson."

You had never appreciated the cold before but you were grateful for the sudden change in temperature as you stepped out of the restaurant, the cool air clearing your mind.

"I had a really nice time," you began your usual post-date spiel as he surveyed the car park, itching to say bye to him.

"Me too," he said, flashing you a smile before going back to scanning the car park.

"Gray-"

"I don't see your car?"

You cringed, reminded of your encounter with the valet person. "Yeah, I parked outside."

"Oh, okay. Come on, let's go," he declared and you frowned in confusion.

"Do you need a ride?"

He laughed, shaking his head. "No, I'm just walking you to your car."

"You don't have to. It's really far," you tried to wave him off but he'd already fallen into step beside you, waiting patiently for you to lead the way.

You never thought that there'd be a day when you could not wait to get rid of Grayson but here you were, moving as fast as you could without it being defined as jogging so that you could shorten the journey as much as possible.

"Ta da!" You gestured towards your car after ten minutes, keys already in your hand. "Here we are."

"Here we are," he echoed with a small smile.

"So, yeah... I had a really good time," you said.

"Me too."

"I'm really sorry about your shirt," you added, glancing at the now-dry button down.

"It was just water," he brushed off your apology.

"Well, I still felt bad. Like I said, I had a good time so thank you." You gestured towards your car. "And thanks for walking with me. I will see you around."

He stared at you for a few beats and his heavy gaze made your stomach twist.

"See you around," he said finally and then he was stepping towards you.

Before you could think about it, you'd stuck your hand out rigidly, stopping him in his tracks when your fingers overshot and poked his chest. He glanced down in confusion at where your hand jutted out clumsily between you.

Oh my God, what is wrong with you? You hug Grayson all of the time.

And because the universe hated you, instead of opening up a hole beneath your feet like you desperately wanted, you had to endure the awkward moments that stretched between you too before he finally wrapped his hand around yours, with a chuckle.

"Yeah, goodnight, then, I guess," he repeated, a bemused half smile dancing across his lips.

You opened your mouth to say something to alleviate the tension, decided the situation was unsalvageable and snapped it shut again. Giving him a final jerky wave, you flung yourself into your car and pulled off into the road. You watched as his figure grew smaller in your rear view mirror before disappearing from sight. You sagged with relief, thankful to have back the ability to breathe.

You glanced up at your drained reflection in the mirror, shaking your head despondently. "I am a fucking idiot."

 …..

 "ARGHHH!" you screamed into the cushion in frustration. You felt Maya's hand on your lower back, a comforting weight as she rubbed slow circles. "I suck."

She chuckled, the sound barely audible over your groaning.

"It was awful," you whined, finally pulling your face away and sitting up. You kept your eyes on your lap, trying to discretely wipe away the little puddle of drool that must have escaped your mouth from the cushion before she noticed.

 "I'm sure it wasn't that bad."

You glared at her futile attempt to make you feel better. "You weren't there. It really was. He looked insanely beautiful and my brain shortcircuited and I panicked because I was convinced I'd make it really obvious that I thought he was insanely beautiful. So I shut down. I literally shut down, Maya. I couldn't hold a single decent conversation. I spilled water on him! I was just a major fucking idiot. It sucked, sucked, sucked!"

She sighed, offering you a corner of the blanket she had over herself. "Breathe and then, tell me all about it."

Groaning, you buried yourself into the soft material and began to narrate your disaster of an evening.

"And then he went in to hug me and I stuck out my hand and then I jumped into my car and sped away," you finished with a wince, burying your face into your hands.

Maya's silence was all the confirmation you needed that you hadn't been exaggerating.

"I told you it was bad."

"It doesn't sound great," she admitted eventually, each word carefully spoken as she tried not to freak you out further. "But it's not the end of the world."

"No, just the end of my ability to ever look Grayson in the eyes again,"

"He thinks I'm a fucking weirdo."

She rolled her eyes. "Everyone you've ever interacted with for more than 30 minutes knows you're a fucking weirdo."

You let out a very questionable sound of frustration. "You don't get it. It's not that. Now, he thinks I'm some weirdo who's so in love with him that I can't function like a normal human being."

"That's all true though," she pointed out.

"You don't- He- It's embarrassing," you settled on finally. "He's probably gone home to laugh with Ethan about the fact that someone like me could ever think they had a chance with someone like him. I just- I feel so stupid and embarrassed."

"Hey, hey, come here," Maya cooed softly, surprised by the sudden sight of your glossy eyes. She pulled you in against her shoulder as you blinked rapidly, trying to banish your tears. "It's okay."

You took in a deep breath, trying to compose yourself before you sat up. "Sorry."

"You don't need to say sorry, you silly billy. But you do need to listen to me. It's not a big deal." You opened your mouth to contest that but she shut you up with a glare. "Listen, okay? It's not a big deal. So what if Grayson thinks you like him? He'll be flattered that someone as lovely and kind and intelligent as you thinks that someone like him is attractive. I'd be over the moon if I thought someone half as amazing as you felt like that about me. Plus, Grayson is a good guy. He's going to be nice about it. So, I know it seems like a big deal right now but I promise you it isn't and you should trust me because I'm one of the wisest people I know."

"Shut up," you mumbled but even now, you could feel the knot in your stomach start to subside. Maya always knew how to make you feel better. "But, also, thank you."

"Anytime." She grinned at you before slumping into you, remote in hand as she loaded up netflix on the television. "So does this mean you'll come to Liam's?"

Absolutely no way.

"We'll see, " you said to tide her over for now.

"Hmm. What do you wanna watch?"

…..

"I'm gonna go home," you announced for the tenth time, pulling your arm free from Maya's as she stepped out of the elevator, unable to force yourself to follow her.

She sighed, turning around to face you, head cocked in her best impression of a mother who was . "No, you're not."

"I can't do it. It's way too soon and too awkward," you protested, arms crossed over your chest.

"No, what's awkward is you not turning up to Liam's after your and Grayson's dinner. It'll just make him think that you think it was a bigger deal than it was and it'll be even worse when you have to see him next time," she parroted the very reasonable explanation she'd been saying to you for the last few days.

"What if I just never see him again?"

"Sure." She shrugged. "If you want to find a whole new group of friends just coz you're a little bitch."

She remained nonplussed as you glared at her.

"Come on now. Yank on those big girl panties I know you have somewhere and let's go." With that, she spun around and headed to Liam's apartment door. Sending her a final glare, you followed, knowing that she was speaking sense, as always.

You felt a soft hand wrap around yours, giving it a light squeeze.

"You've got this," she whispered and you were filled with love for your best friend who managed to always be there for you with the perfect balance of tough love and soft encouragement. You just about had time to squeeze her hand back before the door swung open.

"Hey!" You were enveloped in a hug from Liam before he was ushering you inside. "Come in!"

"Hey, Liam! We bought drinks." Maya held up the bag in her hand. "Where do you want them?"

"That's great. Kitchen would probably be good?"

"Sounds good. I'll be back."

You didn’t even have time to  think to protest before she was disappearing in the direction of the kitchen. Sighing, you took the opportunity to survey the room. You weren't sure if you had some internal Grayson radar but your eyes immediately landed on him as he talked to two people you didn't really know that well. He looked beautiful as always, eyes crinkling as he laughed at something.

Before you could decide whether you wanted to go talk to him now or give yourself some time to build up some courage, his eyes landed on you and he beamed, jumping off his place on the sofa.

"There you are!"

As big of a treat it had been seeing Grayson dressed up, you felt your heart fill with affection at the sight of him in a normal t-shirt, silky hair bouncing as he took two long strides towards you, pulling you into his warm side. You relaxed against him, wrapping an arm around his back to return the gesture, his shirt soft against your cheek. He squeezed your shoulder gently and you felt the knot in your stomach dissolve as he grinned down at you.

Of course, Grayson wasn't going to be a dick about your situation.

"Hi," you said shyly, the corners of your own mouth tugging up before you could help it, any attempt to play it cool forgotten.

"Hi," he echoed, giving you a final, gentle squeeze before releasing you and you immediately missed his warmth. "Late as usual, I see."

"I'm guessing you were one of the first to arrive? Up and dressed at 7am," you teased and he snorted.

"I wish. Ethan was being annoying as usual with his clothes. He likes to spend an hour looking through his wardrobe like he's actually going to wear something different for once."

You shook your head fondly. "Typical, Ethan."

"You had a chance to grab some snacks yet?" You shook your head and Grayson nodded towards the kitchen. "Let's go, then.” 

Before you could move off, there was a yell from behind you. 

"Hey, Y/N!" You turned at the sight of your name, barely having time to recognise the tall brunette before Ethan was crashing into you.

"Hi, E," you laughed, your words muffled by his shoulder in your mouth.

"Brave of you to show up after breaking poor Grayson's heart."

You squirmed uncomfortably at Ethan's words, glancing sideways at Grayson to try and gauge just how much he'd told his brother about your disastrous night but he was avoiding your eyes. Enough apparently for Ethan to make fun of you. You couldn't quite decide if you were mortified or grateful that it apparently was a casual enough deal for Ethan to feel comfortable poking fun at you.

"He's been a mess, Y/N," Ethan continued, glancing at his brother with mock sympathy. "Really let himself go. I mean, look at this scruff."

Grayson jerked back, batting away Ethan's hand as he tried to stroke Grayson's stubbled cheeks.

"Cut it out! Ignore my idiot brother," he addressed you now with an apologetic smile. "I'll get over it. Don't let him bully you into feeling bad."

You blinked in confusion, feeling as though you were missing some pivotal part of the conversation. "Feel bad about what?"

Ethan choked on a laugh, looking between the two of you with wide eyes. "Savage, dude. So unremarkable- she doesn't even remember rejecting you."

"Seriously, fuck off." Grayson shoved his brother's shoulder now but you didn't miss the red that had started to bloom across his cheeks.

"Grayson, you sure you went on a date with Y/N? Sure you weren't just dreaming again?"

"We did go on a date," you jumped in to Grayson's defence. "Well, kind of."Ethan raised his eyebrows, a silent invitation for you to continue.

"It wasn't a real date," you explained, shifting your weight between your feet.

"Grayson probably told you how we matched on Bumble and we just played along a little."

"Oh wow." Grayson's eyes were wide in disbelief as stared at you. "Are you serious?"

Your fingers pulled on the tab of the can, twisting it uneasily as you nodded hesitantly, feeling sure Grayson was going to call you out on your pathetic attempts to hide your feelings that evening, pointing out that you had definitely treated it like a real date with your constant heart eyes at him. You wished for a second time that the universe would open up a you-sized hole, or at least provide a good distraction if the whole hole appearing in the middle of Liam's apartment was scientifically implausible.

"You have Bumble?" That was apparently the part that Ethan chose to focus on as he smirked at his brother. "Knew you couldn't find girls without any help."

"Ethan! Shut! Up! Y/N, did you-"

Maybe the universe didn't hate you. Maybe it just had a bit of a delayed response, you thought, as Liam chose that moment to run up and sling his arms around the boys' necks, demanding that they 'bring some of that twin power over to the beer pong table.'

Grayson opened his mouth, looking like he might say something but then Liam was calling his name again and he let himself be dragged away with a final apologetic glance over his shoulder.

You exhaled slowly, taking a large gulp of your coke.

That was fun.

….. 

You laughed, throwing your head back as Maya's boyfriend Josh told you about another one of Maya's failed attempt to cook dinner for the both of them as Maya hit him playfully.

"It wasn't that bad!"

"You can't replace the sugar with salt and then say it wasn't that bad," he pointed out, pulling her in to settle under his arm.

"In my defence, I'd had a really long day. I was half delirious when I made those pancakes."

"Sure." She swatted at him half-heartedly."It's your fault," she grumbled. "I could cook just fine at uni and now, you've spoiled me with all your cooking and I'm out of practice."

Josh turned to you for validation of Maya's claim and you shrugged. "If you consider instant noodles a meal, then, yeah, sure."

Maya's shriek of indignation had you laughing as you ducked to dodge the popcorn kernel she'd thrown at you. "It wasn't just instant noodles! I made pasta sometimes!"

"Like five times in three years," you pointed out, jerking back as she tried to push you off of where you were perched on the armchair of the sofa. "You know I'm not exaggerating."

"Yeah, yeah. I just love it when my boyfriend and best friend gang up on me. It's so fun..." she trailed off, her eyes fixed over your shoulder. You turned around on instinct to see Grayson approaching you, shirt speckled with what you assumed were droplet stains from the beer.

"Hey, can we talk?"

He motioned his head towards the little terrace and you nodded, shrugging on your hoodie before following him, heart thudding in your chest. It was surprisingly empty as you stepped out, devoid of the constant line of smokers you'd seen out here the whole night and you wondered for a moment if he'd asked them to vacate the area so he could talk to you alone.

"How'd beer pong go?" you asked as you settled with your back against the balcony railing.

"Liam and I crushed Ethan and Jake," he said proudly, coming to a stop in front of you.

"Always knew you were the better twin," you joked and he chuckled.

"Good."

The two of you fell quiet, the only sound being the buzz of chatter and music coming from the apartment.

"You wanted to talk?" you prompted. 

"Yeah, I just wanted to clear the air I guess," he said hesitantly.

"I didn't think that there was any air to clear."

"Yeah, I didn't either. I just thought you didn't feel the same, which was fair enough, and I thought we could just keep being friends. But then Ethan started being a dick and you said some kinda strange things so I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page," he trailed off before tipping his head back and groaning. "God, I sound so lame."

You'd spent the last few days anxiously going over how tonight was going to go and you thought you'd imagined almost every scenario, most of them including Grayson and his friends laughing at you from a corner as he told them what a lovesick idiot you'd been your whole date. You hadn't once imagined your evening going like this. "What do you mean you thought I didn't feel the same?"

"I've been rejected before," he said matter of factly but even in the dim light you could see the blush on his cheeks. "It's no big deal. It's not your fault if you don't feel it."

"You thought I was rejecting you?" you asked, completely taken aback by Grayson's interpretation of the evening.

He shrugged helplessly. "Well, yeah. You shut down any of my attempts to talk and you looked like you couldn't wait to get away."

"I thought I'd weird you out if I flirted with you or anything like that," you admitted.

"Why would I be weirded out by you flirting with me on a date I asked you to go on?"

"I thought it was an ironic date," you muttered by way of explanation.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and you cleared your throat, feeling more stupid by the second. "Huh?"

"I thought you matched with me to be funny.  And then I thought you were flirting as a little joke. No big deal, right? We matched, might as well . And then you suggested dinner and I just thought you didn't mean anything by it. Like an 'I'm your friend and I found you on a dating website so it'd be funny if we played along to be ironic' thing."

"Played along by asking you on a date?" he clarified, dark eyebrows arched.

"An ironic date," you repeated lamely.

"You have a weird sense of humour," he said finally. "Or you seem to think I have a weird sense of humour."

You let out a short laugh, tugging on your hoodie string as you twirled it around the tip of your finger. "Mix of both probably."

"Did you want it to be an ironic date?"

Your head jerked up, your hoodie strings no longer capturing your attention. "Huh?"

"Did you want it to be an ironic date?" he repeated, his voice strangely even, each word spoken with care.

"I wouldn't have been able to handle the pressure of being dressed up and eating at a place like that if I'd thought it was a real date."

He chuckled softly, pushing the hair flopping over his brow back.

"Yeah, it wasn't really my scene either. I had no idea what I ordered for my main until it came," he admitted.

"I googled the options under the table," you reassured and it was enough to coax a genuine laugh from him, the sound loud and wonderful in the quiet night.

"Of course, you did." He shook his head fondly. "I just didn't want you to think I was half-assing it."

"I definitely did not think that. It just wasn't very… us." He hummed in agreement, accepting your assessment with a nod.

It was silent for a few beats.

"I say we just get pizza and watch one of those crime documentaries you're always going on about on our next date," he suggested finally as a solution.

"Next date?" you asked levelly, the corners of your lips twitching upwards despite your attempt to keep your face neutral.

"Yeah. If you want." He shrugged, dragging a hand across his stubble, and there was something so endearing about him trying to act nonchalant about the fact he wanted another date and that he knew what you liked to watch that all the willpower in the world wasn't enough to hold back your smile.

"Can't wait," you told him sweetly and his shoulders sagged in relief- almost imperceptible, and you may not have even noticed if he hadn't been the guy you'd been a little bit in love with for years.

"Cool."

"Pizza's on me," you reminded him and he chuckled, conceding.

"This is a real date, by the way," he chimed, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he grinned down easily at you. "In case it wasn't clear enough this time around either."

"I know!" 

"Ironic date, my ass," he huffed good-naturedly as he rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry!" you exclaimed, giggling as you pulled lightly on the strings of your hoodie, feeling at home in his familiar presence.

The sound of laughter died away and you felt giddy as you stared at each other with matching grins.

"Now that that's sorted, if I try to kiss you again, are you going to jab me in the ribs again?" he asked teasingly, cocking his head.

You felt your cheeks burn as you tried to defend yourself. "I didn't jab, I elegantly offered-."

You cut yourself off as Grayson leaned in abruptly, blinking in surprise as your vision was flooded with his handsome face. You froze when his hand wrapped around yours, letting him gently tug it to rest on the side of his torso, in the same spot that it'd been that evening.

"Last chance to poke," he warned, warm brown eyes watching you intently. 

"I'm good," you said with a breathy laugh, your fingers curling into his shirt.

"Good."

The tip of his nose bumped yours gently before his lips were pressing against yours, warmth spreading all the way down to your toes.

Okay, so maybe Maya was right, and it had been exactly what it had looked like. But- you thought, giggling as Grayson playfully pulled you closer by your hoodie strings- you didn't mind being wrong this time.

Thanks a bunch for reading!

Click here to see the prompt list and here if you’d like to check out my masterlist for some reason!

[killianmesmalls]

FINALLY!!! My con recap is... long. And I’m wordy. And it’s long. BUT IT’S HERE! Below the cut for anyone who is crazy enough to read it all. 

Friday:

By the time the weekend really got started, I had already had the chance to meet up with @lillpon Wednesday evening for a last-day-at-work happy hour and then again when she, @justmilah, and @fraddit came over to my place to hang out, watch Once, and put the totally last minute touches on my Tilly cosplay. (Also, BTW, yes I am using nicknames because 1) I figure it’s easier for people to follow along and 2) I don’t know how much some people want their real names to be attached to fellow crazies and sent into the ether.) We ended up venturing down to pick up the car from my father-in-law, and on the way found a meeting place for @queen-mabs-revenge to gather with us. Now, we couldn’t find her, kept checking to see where she might be, when LO, HERE COMETH A TINY ITALIAN IN A BIG MCFRIGGIN HAT. Yes, she was indeed sauntering down 8th Avenue in her Lt. Jones hat, which was probably the 18th weird thing most passing New Yorkers had seen in the two hours since they had woken up.

We then all tackle each other and me, @fraddit, @justmilah, and @queen-mabs-revenge continue on to meet my FIL for the car, where Mabs was super on board with helping him trek stuff from the trunk back to his apartment after seconds of meeting him. Such a polite. Without much ado, we make our way to the middle of friggin nowhere New Jersey, aided by the very comforting fact that Mabs navigates the way I need to be navigated to. Much thanks. Many appreciate. Wow.

Our first stop once we go around in circles a few times since driving in Whippany itself is a damn adventure was to meet up with @thesschesthair. While Mabs is confusing the front desk dude with her hat, Chesty over there gives us a call and I sneak out, lock eyes across the dingy parking lot of the Red Carpet Inn, by its derelict diner, and leap into her arms. She then comes over to attack Milah and Fraddit before properly grabbing Mabs so hard they were close to osmosis.

I’m not going to lie, it’s at this point through to Monday evening where things sort of blur. Mabs and Chesty requested rooms beside each other and GUESS WHAT. Yep, you guessed it, they had rooms that actually were connected by a door that was hidden behind Mabs’s oversized fridge. Oh! And there was a random toilet just hanging out outside their rooms. Because, why not? When Puh Pah has to go, he has to go. Also, it’s here that Mabs gives us all Alice-themed totes from Poundland (YES, LAUGH, IT’S GREAT) and then we do roundabouts again to get to the Marriott where the rest of us are staying.

Registration was a breeze, and then we collapse into the lounge area where we meet up with @theonceoverthinker and an already-registered Chesty, where she and I are off to the side making inappropriate jokes and then deciding it’s time to wine o’clock this con. Guys? The pub in the Marriott got some play by the Pirate Crew (thank you, @freifraufischer for dubbing us all as pirates), we tried their Poisoned Apple sangria, shot the shit, and then went about checking in and getting ourselves settled while at various points meeting up with @captregina, @lillpon, and @freifraufischer.

At some point (again because all is a blur) we went to Chris’s Q&A where I asked him a couple of questions and honestly blanked on most of the experience because OMFGITALKEDTOSMEE. Then Jared came on, was very much however you’d imagine Jared being, and I was still very much focused on Chris saying how much Smee would love Alice and knowing that Colin and Rose day was tomorrow.

Afterwards, we got autographs, where Mabs’s delightful totes came in handy and I had Gil, Chris, and Jared sign the back of the Alice tote. Gil was nice and I complimented Jared on how much him being open about anxiety meant to people, but it was Chris that, to me, was the MVP. He was incredibly personable, funny, and a total teddy bear. I asked him about the blooper he was in where it seemed like Smee was trying to convince Hook to not duel with Ahab (the one where Colin spat in his face) and Chris said he honestly forgot what was happening in that scene, but he would ask Colin. Still, the one thing he did remember was when he knelt down in front of Colin in the post-duel “Congratulations, Captain, you won!” scene, he split his pants. The camera was to his back, but his treasures were on full display in front of Colin.

I also asked Chris for a hug because, I mean, YOLO, and he obliged! Honestly, he’s a damn pumpkin and I adore him.

Now, there was karaoke night after this, but some of us were bad idea bears and decided to say “f--- this” and went into the pool with some sea salt gin Mabs had brought over. We’re super classy, guys.

...What happens at the pool, stays in the pool. :P

Saturday:

OMG COLIN AND ROSE DAY! COLIN AND ROSE DAY! COLIN AND ROSE DAY!

I was legit saying this and hopping up and down I don’t know how many times. I focused most of the morning trying to make sure I had myself together, getting my tights ripped just right, getting my hair done, venturing to @captregina’s room so I could do her hair (where I met @brave-lassie), doing her eyeliner, doing my makeup, meeting up with everyone, and trying to contain my feelings about COLIN AND ROSE DAY!!!

I missed most of the Wild Bunch Q&A in my efforts to get ready and in waiting for Rose’s photo ops. I lined up with Capt just by where the actors enter into the room they do the photo ops in and got my very first in-person look at Rose.

Guys.

GUYS.

That precious angel GLOWS. I cannot say enough how adorable and lovely she looks and is in person, but I will try my best. She’s insanely precious. Honestly, I was probably a walking hearteyes emoji. I try to keep my cool as I wait for her in line, where I’m set to get a picture with her than a shared picture with her and Capt, and the moment she sees me in my Tilly cosplay she exclaims, “NAILED IT!” Then, like a spastic idiot, I told her I couldn’t help myself since she’s my favorite, and she said, “You’re my favorite!” Bless her. She’s insanely personable and tilts her head to you, and is a personified cupcake.

After that, I brought Capt in for a shared picture with her, where we handed her my bunny mask and Rubik’s cube I had made with the help of Lill as we (plus Milah and Fraddit) had lounged on my couch Thursday night. She geeked out a bit over them, I asked her which one she wanted to hold, and she chose the Rubik’s cube, I held the mask, and Capt and I held a pillowcase she had gotten a while back that said, “We’re all mad here.”

Rapid fire they then did Colin and Chris photos followed by Colin and Rose, where all of us collectively lost our minds throughout. There are some pretty stellar ones people got with Colin and Chris, and then OMFG KNIGHTROOK.

Not going to lie, I kind of blanked on it a bit. I just remember saying “hi” to them both, taking a photo in the middle of them, and then ushering in PERFECT TACO HAT LT. JONES MCMABS in for the second photo, where I pulled a crazy face and she pulled that cheesy salute in that pic of him and Bernard.

Then was Rose’s Q&A, and as you can tell she’s still the embodiment of sunshine with a dash of silliness. I must have had a massive smile on my face the entire time in between bouts of laughter.

Before her panel ended, they called for Colin photos, which I needed to get to early because I had Rose’s meet and greet, but HELL NO WAS I MISSING ANY OF ROSE. Nope. So I stayed, then dashed out, and totally thought I’d be fine because…hey, I had already met and touched the man, how hard could this be?

BEING A NORMAL HUMAN AROUND HIM IS IMPOSSIBLE. I just hope I didn’t sound too much like an idiot when I said another hello and asked, “Do you mind if I give you a hug?”

Tired panda just opened his arms and we took a quick picture, and his face was SUPER CLOSE TO MINE and I didn’t know what to do with myself and suddenly that scruff was AGAINST MAH FACE. I think I entered a new plane of existence at some point but remembered I had feed and managed to use them to walk out and not completely venture to a new reality.

It was probably a good thing I didn’t have time to transcend to nirvana because ROSE’S MEET AND GREET WAS NEXT. It got off to a late start since Emilie was still in the room when we got up there, but I’d wait howmstever long for her.

SHE IS AN ANGEL. I mean, absolute, 100%, grade-A, undiluted angel. She makes an effort to engage with everyone and really make eye contact with you, speak to you for as much as she can, and is just naturally her sweet and funny self. She then took selfies with everyone, where I told her my name was “Carrie, like the movie” which is my default at Starbucks because then people know how to spell it. She fake scared and pretended like she was ducking her head and going to walk out, which we shared a laugh at before our picture.

I missed most of Karen David’s panel, but right afterward was COLIN!!! Tired panda did his best to wake up and be his silly, smartass self, bless his heart. I’m so glad he said he wished there were more to the KnightRook story because he feels like there’s more to explore with that and HARD AGREE, COL! Also massive, MASSIVE shoutout to Overthinker for her crazy awesome questions!!! You are indeed worthy of being his favorite!!! Also, props to @the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt for her original question about craft services. Dudes, the things we don’t think about!!! I need to try a grilled cheese with pickles now, that sounds AMAZING. OH! OH!!! AND HE DID THE WORM! AND SANG! How were we this #blessed?!?!

We then had a hot minute (or roughly 30) before KNIGHTROOK PANEL!!! Guys, those two and their dynamic will never not kill me. THOSE TWOOOOOOO!!!! HOW PERFECT ARE THEY?!?! I think their humor together is priceless and she’s like a damn coffee bean to him. It’s a good thing I like odd things because I CAN’T EVEN WITH THEM. (:smirk:) AS IF THAT WEREN’T ENOUGH he goes and kills us with his Millian answer and I see Mabs and Milah vibrating into the ether.

After that is almost immediately autographs, where they had us line up for Colin then head over to Rose. They tucked tired panda behind this black curtain, and Mabs, Capt, and I coordinated getting various things signed for us and others. When I told him something was for someone who had contributed to the Whitecaps charity, he replied, “Oh! Very good.” Then he got my spyglass and went all childishly curious, peeked inside the box, then raised his eyebrow and gave me a smirk.

Then it was off to see Rose, who was taking more time to talk to fans, which is understandable given the fact that Colin had a longer line and Rose also can’t seem to help herself. Chesty gave me her badge so I could get a second autograph, like a friggin champ, and I had Rose sign the spyglass and also had the title page of the manuscript I’ve written (I NEED TO FINISH EDITING IT) and told her it was a 1920s Alice in Wonderland retelling, and I thought having her sign it would be a good luck charm. She sounded super enthusiastic about it and wrote a long note for me on it, which I will for sure cherish forever!!!

OH! And on my way to get into the Rose line, I hear someone say my name and LO AND BEHOLD, IT’S @leiandcharles!!! HUZZAH!!! I probably sounded like a spaz because I was on a Colin and Rose high and was all over the place but she pretended to not be terrified of the insanity that was me… ANYWAY!

It was then time for dinner. With the pub PACKED TO THE GILLS, especially after there was a bomb scare at a nearby hotel so the people there had to come over to ours for a bit, a group of us went up to Capt’s room to hang out and get pizza. I’m probably going to blank on everyone that was in that room, but I do remember dragging Leia there, meeting @coaldustcanary, Overthinker kicking over my drink and being roasted about it by Chesty (still makes me giggle!), and generally being a nuisance with Capt, Mabs, and Milah while Fraddit, and Lill went off to introduce Chesty to Chipotle. It has since changed her life.

At some point we declare we should hang out at the pub again, and a group of us went to go shoot the shit until Mabs passed out right there in the booth (CALLIN’ YOU OUT, POPS!) and everyone was sufficiently either toasted or tired. Some of us then venture up to my room, and shenanigans ensued. THUS ENDETH COLIN AND ROSE DAY!

Sunday:

While I was sad this seemed like a less crazy day for us, I was also a bit relieved because hot DAMN was I tired after the day before. Still, we didn’t have much time to really collect ourselves because the Mills fam gold panel started at 10, so a group of us wandered down to breakfast.

We then get in to see Andrew, Lana, and Bex, where Lana and Bex were of course hysterical together, Andy looked cute, and you could feel the collective vibrating of all Regina and Zelena fans which was adorable. I mean, I love Regina, but there was some LOVE in that room from her Evil Regals. I do wish Andy had gotten a bit more attention or had been a bit more vocal, but it’s got to be hard to not just let Lana and Bex own the stage.

There was then a decent break before Bex’s panel. That woman, as you all likely know, is HYSTERICAL. She kept the room laughing through most of her panel, and you can see she has nothing but love for her fans and her costars.

After her panel, I don’t have anything I’m too fussed about until 2 (MILAH WAS ROBBED IN THAT VID CONTEST, BTW, JUST SAYING) and so some of us gather together for lunch in, you guessed it, the hotel pub! Dudes, our options were limited and it looked like a library and had loaded potato soup. What more do you want?

It’s then time to MEET LANA, where me, Mabs, and Capt try to strategically settle ourselves somewhere out of the way but close enough to the side door to get a good look at the queen as she walks in. And, DAMN, that woman is gorgeous! Me and Capt then leap into the line where she proceeds to get two very adorable photos done and then I get pulled in to get hugged by Lana (!!!!!!!!!) while Capt hugs her from the back. She was super sweet and patient the whole time with everyone, and you could really see how much she loves spending time with her fans.

We then decide some of us need shots because some of us (*cough* Capt *cough*) are about to pass out from being so near Her Majesty’s presence, and then we wander into the ballroom for Henry Squared’s panel. Andy was adorable, Jared was typical Jared. I’ll be honest, I don’t have anything from that panel that seems to stick out to me as a solid memory, though maybe that was the whiskey shot’s fault.

Then comes Lana’s panel and, once again, you can feel the energy of the Evil Regals in the room. For however silly Colin, Rose, and KnightRook panels are, HOLY DAMN Lana panels are just filled with all sorts of emotions! It was like a damn rollercoaster! I laughed, I teared up, I was generally all over the place. SO MANY FEELINGS, GUYS. It was delightful but also made me just desperately need to laugh about fart jokes with my fellow Colin heathens. WE DON’T KNOW EMOTIONS.

Sadly during the following break, it is time to say farewell to the spun sugar that is Lillpon. I console myself knowing I’ll see her again, but it’s depressingly others’ last time with her, but ONLY FOR NOW. Yes? Yes.

Next up is autos with Andrew and then Lana. Andrew was a sweetheart. I was standing next to Capt and Mabs, where we proceeded to tell him how great we thought he was in season 7 and how much that season and his performance in it meant to us and brought back some love for the show. He seemed genuinely touched and said it meant a lot to him to hear that. Bless that boy.

We then wait a bit for me, Capt, Mabs, and Milah to venture up for Lana’s autos. By the time we got to her, we had this whole strategic thing planned out where I’d bring up S7 Hooked Queen, Capt gets her Hooked Queen picture signed, and Mabs gets the word for Capt’s tattoo. Lana says she did expect when they started that she thought Hook and Regina were going to be a thing but alas. Oh! And Mabs tells her that they’ve got family from the same area of Sicily, where Lana proceeds to say they do kinda look alike, and it is now confirmed #fam.

With everything over, we head once again to, YOU GUESSED IT AGAIN, the hotel pub. Chesty and Fraddit have already settled in and eaten, and me, Mabs, Capt, Overthinker, and Milah get ourselves all ordered up where we both mourn the end of the weekend and still buzz from the high the last three days had given us. A series of more shenanigans ensues, and none of us are ready for the weekend to be over. I’m pretty sure we collectively tried to drag it out for as long as possible.

For one last hurrah, we then venture to the pool again and meet up with @reginamotherfuckingmills and @agntreginaskywalker, where we all debrief and collectively laugh about the weekend, in addition to getting all into our feels about how Swan Queen fans and Hook fans are being all chill and friendly with each other. WHO KNEW PEOPLE COULD HUMAN?!

It was a fantastic end to the weekend, and there were more days ahead that involved ridiculous conversations in the car (Thicc Lady and Pointy Boi! Is this Central Park?! etc), meeting Mabs’s ENTIRE FAMILY, hearing Chesty lose her mind several times, enjoying super Long Island experiences with them, Milah, Overthinker, and Fraddit, and so on. Some of us also went sailing on a tall boat later, where we hoisted the main sail and felt like proper pirates! Then there was just general hanging out, but I won’t bore you further with that.

Instead, I’ll bore you with shoutouts!

@lillpon DESCUSTANG!!! You’re such a damn delight. Both sharing a bed and hoisting the main sail with you was brilliant and I love you forever. YOU MET COLIN!!!

@queen-mabs-revenge What are words? I have none. And if I started I’d probably turn into a mess so FARTS BELLY PT CRUISER POINTY BOI FARTS! I’ll probably emotion at some point and send it to you in private and then go run off to watch bloopers or something to get back to some sort of state of normal.

@fraddit SEVEN?! WHAT’S IN THE BOX?! Resting judge face or no, you’re fantastic, I love you, and you’re forever welcome in my apartment! Or basically anywhere with me.

@thesschesthair You funny asshole, I don’t know what I would have done without you to be there to say jokes as foul as mine. You were such a good sport about me being an annoying shit. I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed we can celebrate your birthday with a Captain Charming shindig!!!

@justmilah You’re so sweet and so funny and just damn precious. I LOVED going to the American Girls store, traipsing around Rockefeller Center, exploring actual Central Park, getting Millian and Knightrook feels in the AMNH, and wasting time at Johnny Utah’s with you. You’re always welcome!!!

@captregina Mah darling! I’m so glad and relieved that you had a good experience! You earned it, and I’m excited to talk about it over brunch with you.

@theonceoverthinker YOU FAVORITE PHD GENIUS! Stellar questions from a stellar person. It was amazing to hang out with you and we should do it again soon!!!

@the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt You’re a precious angel and it was delightful to meet you! I’m so glad you felt welcomed into the fold. But, of course you were! You’re wonderful!

@brave-lassie From one “mom” to another, thanks! Also, you’re a sweetheart and YOU MAKE AN AMAZING RED!!!

@leiandcharles @freifraufischer @coaldustcanary @reginamotherfuckingmills and @agntreginaskywalker IT WAS LOVELY TO MEET YOU ALL! And thank you for being so patient and awesome with some of the shenanigans.

[leggigoesabroad]

we’re only here on borrowed time

Sitting on a lovely, smooth, high-speed train from Nuremberg, Germany to Paris.  Yesterday was a day from hell which I'll lightly get into but not dwell on, but for now, I'm so happy.  I'd be remiss to not mention why!!  Part of the reason I decided to book the train instead of flying from Prague to Paris was for many uninterrupted hours to listen to this new book my doctor recommended for me, called "Stress Less, Accomplish More" but Emily Fletcher.  It obviously sounds like a typical self-help book, but I have a crush on my doctor and she really sold it for me.  (BTW she's no older than like, 32, is married with two kids, super pretty, and totally gets me.  She's very female-centric and one time said 'I'll never let you leave here without a prescription for more birth control, we will never let the system be the reason you're struggling with something' after asking if I had enough for the foreseeable future.  Joke's on her, I'm single AF, but it really spoke to me.)  She said it's a book about meditation and although I've tried meditating before, I am a little bit of a natural skeptic as to allllllllll of its listed benefits.  She said this super simple technique helps you sleep better, greatly reduces anxiety/depression, get sick less often, be more effective at work, eliminate jet lag, on and on.  She said she honestly can't say enough about it and it completely changed her life.  I took this as a way to be more like her and immediately bought it.  Also because I wanted her to like me.  Incidentally, she texted me a few days ago inviting me to a new women's group she's developing for people in my demographic who are going through the same things.  Because like of COURSE she did!! She also tells me to call her Casey instead of by "Doctor" and man I should stop now this is getting weird.

Anyway, this book is by an ex-Broadway performer who noticed she was going grey at age 28 (cough cough I am too) and was sick of all the medications she used to treat these symptoms and wanted to get more at the root.  She talks about how simple this meditation method is - 15 minutes twice a day - and how it is literally the best thing she's ever done for herself in her life.  After her course, she asks people how much money it would take to stop meditating.  They all say something between "500 million dollars" and "no amount of money in the world, because what would be the point without everything else meditation gives me?"  I booked the train so I could set aside several hours to listen to the book, especially on this trip, because we all know from the Thailand blog era that being far away in new countries is often what helps me make decisions in life and really self-reflect.  Yes, I hear how extra that sounds, but I'm fine with it.  I'm only on Chapter 5 and I keep intermittently crying!!  We haven't even gotten to the part where she tells me HOW to meditate!  Just her background on why it works and the entire theory behind it.  The author talks about one case in which a guy with advanced Parkinson's started her sessions and after literally the first one, his tremors disappeared during the entire 15 minutes and for 5 minutes after.  She said when they both opened their eyes he asked if she had noticed, and she said she did, and started crying because it was arguably the most profound moment of her career.  I'm crying typing this.  Ugh.  She doesn't claim that meditation will cure chronic illnesses of course, but rather that it's the best thing one can possibly do to supplement medical instruction and for some ailments, it can indeed end up replacing them.  She said after she started the practice, she didn't get sick again (cold, flu, anything) for EIGHT AND A HALF YEARS!!  Because when the body can use sleep at night to fully rest and not just as a band-aid for stress relief, your immune system can work at its intended level and not allow any of these small things to come into play.  You'd think I'd be getting paid for this post, but alas, I'm only 5 chapters in and get ready for me to be even more insufferable than usual when I get home.

Onward.  Last I left off I was in a cafe with Lizzy in Prague.  We stayed for a few hours and actually got a lot of work done!  Turns out my freelance deadlines don't disappear when I go to Europe, hmm.  We then walked to an area called Petrin, which from afar just looks like a tree-covered hill.  It's actually an uphill path in an expansive park that ultimately overlooks the entire city of Prague.  The more we went up, I kept thinking "we must be at the top by now" and then new buildings and castles and paths and orchards would appear.  It felt like a hidden fairyland with twists and turns and new beautiful sights along the way.  I posted a pic on the gram, but at one point we came to a clearing and there was a picture-perfect snapshot of the entire city through the trees.  With the red roofs and striking architecture I again almost felt like crying.  Also saw a bunch of couples making out in the orchards with no shame all, so that was something.  Good on 'em, ay.  We stopped for a glass of wine at the top (duh) and ended up chatting about work/management styles/feelings about jobs/etc.  Something great about Lizzy is that it turns out for everything I'm interested in, she's in grad school for.  I felt like she was the manifestation of all things fascinating to me.  Kinda like when you meet someone really smart who is able to vocalize all the things you feel about things, but better.  Like Hilary, but not my sister.  Like Jay Wong, but not my boss!  We talked about Kitty and her job search and then got into the concept of finding a job by figuring out what you love and what comes naturally to you, and then seeing how you can get paid for it.  She loved hearing about Kitty and SpotX and the proposal she had to do about team-building and customer engagement, and we chatted all about different marketable skills.  I remember crying to Hil many years ago (Hil if you read this, do you remember??) about how I *thought* I was smart but I hated studying/learning/school and my grades reflected that, and how I've squandered all my potential, I'm actually really dumb, etc.  BTW in retrospect I now see a lot of that as my undiagnosed ADHD and I wish I had understood it earlier to get ahead of it, but it's okay.  Hil at the time told me that she may have great grades and a good job, etc., but that she can't walk into a room and command attention or just become friends with everyone, and that skills come in all shapes and sizes and one isn't better than another.  I'M GETTING EMOTIONAL AGAIN.  Remember when my blogs used to be carefree and funny?  Me either.

After that, Lizzy and I walked all through the grounds of the Prague Castle and wound our way down the hill to the Charles Bridge, and stopped for another drink.  Then we got into a whole discussion about relationships and sexuality.  Later, when we were hanging out with her husband, Rob, I found myself saying over and over: "It's like what Lizzy and I were talking about earlier..." and he was like "how did you guys somehow talk about EVERYTHING today?!"  Females, man.  Eventually she went back to her place to shower and I checked into my Airbnb across the street.  Got SO EXHAUSTED and almost fell dead asleep while waiting for her before dinner, but rallied, and so glad I did.  We took the tram up the hill to a nice restaurant for dinner, then went to an Irish pub to watch the Liverpool/Barcelona game.  No one there remembered the epic call from 2010 World Cup that Ned and I quote all the time, but hey, we do and that's what counts. ("AND YOU COULD NOT WRITE... A STORY LIKE THIS.")  We got there at halftime and were ordering drinks at the bar when a guy sitting at the bar was a real dick and says to me and Lizzy, "just so you know, when the game's on again, you've gotta move.  I sat here on purpose for a good view, so make sure you move." Then turned to his partner and we could clearly hear him saying things like, "Fuckin' ridiculous they're standing right there during the game... I'm not going to let that happen... no fuckin' way" Um, a) it's half time. b) it's a bar and we're at the bar ordering drinks. c) WE KNOW. d) fuck off.  He kept talking about us after we moved and she and I briefly thought about starting shit but you know, foreign country and all that.  Luckily he was cheering for Liverpool and they got stomped in the second half to lose the game and we rejoiced. :)

Went to a weird, dark "Books" bar after that and we were almost the only people there.  There were condoms in the bathroom and I took one as a joke to show Rob and Lizzy, but now it's still in my bag and freaks me out every time I reach for my Chapstick.  We went back to their house afterwards and I kid you not, just watched Harry Styles videos.  Turns out they both love him, especially Rob, which is so rich to me.  He was like "this guy is just like coolness personified and he's so talented and he's weirdly attractive in kind of a feminine way but also masculine and he has such a nice voice and swagger...." you'd think I planted Rob to say this to me, but no.  We watched the entirety of his Carpool Karaoke as I told them all of my favorite parts ("I was back middle." "Why am I always Julia Roberts??" "I cry in like, a cool way.")  It's like when someone says to me, "you know, I'd love to know more about the meanings behind Taylor Swift's songs but I never learned, what are all of the albums about?" And I look around expecting that I'm being Punk'd.  Parted ways with them and thanked them for everything and told them I was very grateful for our summer camp relationship.  You know, the kind that is intensely strong, and very brief.  I may never see them again and yet we spent 15 hours straight together on Wednesday and I had one of the best days ever.  See you in another life, brotha.

A series of hiccups led to a very stressful morning on Thursday that I won't fully get into because my poor family already lived through it with me via WhatsApp... but it started with extreme random nausea, (the kind you have a serious internal talk with yourself about: "no.  you are okay.  take deep, slow breaths.  do not throw up here.  you are completely fine, this will pass.  breathe.  you're not sick.  this is just random.  you cannot throw up here.") and then I got on what was supposed to be a train from Prague to Nuremberg with a stop in Schwandorf, but there was a service interruption on the first leg and everyone knew but me.  Probably because everyone speaks Czech and I, ya know, do not.  BTW so far Czech is the least intuitive language I've ever come across.  I could read an entire book in it and wouldn't be able to give you even the slightest context, like you can with French/Spanish/German.  I know, romance languages and all that, but man I really underestimated how important it is to know some of the language when you're traveling through remote towns.  I notice everyone in Plzen has gotten off the train and I think "well that's weird, but maybe they're all local commuters."  A lady comes by and yells at me to get off, I say, "English?" She says, "NO.  Bus." and shoos me off.  In the panic I forget my suitcase from where I stored it - thank the heavens above, it was still there when I realized 15 minutes later and fought my way back on a closed train.  I have such PTSD today and can't fathom what would have happened if the train had left.  Imagine my suitcase just taking off on a train to the Czech countryside by itself.  Zero percent chance I get that back.  Work computer, my treasured leather jacket from Kathy that I swear I'd save in a fire, all of my toiletries and pills and prescriptions...ugh I can't even think about it.

No one spoke English except for a kind man at the info desk who spoke very little, and gave me directions ("directions" is a loose term here, I did a lot of critical thinking and problem solving to vaguely understand what I was supposed to be doing next) to take a bus in an hour that would take me to Stod, where I could then catch my train to Schwandorf and hopefully ultimately Nuremberg.  After a series of mishaps and incredible uncertainty, eventually all of that happened.  I walked into the hotel in Nuremberg and almost kissed the floor.  I had big plans to wake up early and explore, but alas, I'm embarrassed to admit that all I did in Nuremberg was buy some wine/chocolate/gummy bears and stay in all night and sleep late this morning.  Bodies need rest, y'all.  My audiobook author would tell me that my body is in recovery mode after releasing an unnatural amount of adrenaline and cortisol.  NEVERTHELESS SHE PERSISTED!

I'll be staying with rig friend Angie and her family in Paris, and seeing rig Aaron there too.  He messaged me yesterday and said, "so do you want to see museums and such? Or I can show you my favorite brasseries?" I said, "I've been to Paris, I'd just like to day drink honestly."  Luckily he is on board, shawoooooooo.  Oddly there's no WiFi on this train like they said there would be, but it's not that bad because it's so smooth and comfortable and I still have my audiobook.  Will post this blog sometime later when the WiFi shows up.  Cross your fingers that I get the romantic countryside train ride I pined for.  And happy weekend!!!

[theragamuffininitiative]

Last Days of Summer @KCRep

Well this has been long in coming

Guys.

I saw Last Days of Summer with Corey Cott and Emily Padgett and it was amazing and now I’m here a week and a day late to talk your ear off about it. ;)

I went with my favorite cousin (shhh don’t tell the other cousins) to see the show because she likes theatre too but her family doesn’t care so they never see things.

She knew I was a fan of one of the cast, and I did my level best not to fangirl too hard and I think it was an all around success. :D

This was yet another exercise in the “how far will Rags drive across the country to see a show if it is at all a possibility to do so” which I think is going to drive my parents insane.

When we got there, I did what I forgot to do at The Lion King and asked if it was ok to take pictures of the curtain call. Unfortunately, because of copyright reasons with Jason Sherwood’s set design, pictures were not allowed. :P But now at least I think I’ll remember to ask the ushers at shows, because curtain calls are my favorite thing and someday I will get pictures at them.

I’m not going to spoil the story for anyone who may want to read the book the musical is based off of, or just in case it gets produced again. (please please please) But if you’re curious, there’s this.

We went the last night because I couldn’t get away sooner. I would have loved to see the first show and then seen the closing show because I know they did a lot of changes, but I’m really happy with the version we saw.

It opened with a radio suspended on a wire, and the crackling voice of a baseball announcer set the narrative into motion. The radio was one of my favorite parts of the production, it was a great storytelling technique.

Robbie Berson as young Joey Margolis was amazing. All the kids in the cast were, but as the main protagonist....antagonist? hm, anyways, the main character, he carried the story the whole time in a great way, always believable as an incorrigible kid and strong enough to dig into the deeper parts of the story.

Jim Kaplan as Craig Nakamura was also amazing, and I love the character of sweet but feisty Craig so much.

These two boys, honestly, they were such pros.

And what can I say about Corey and Emily? They are stars, obviously, and I loved every second they were on stage, together or separate.

The end of Act One features a pretty big blow up between Joey and Corey’s Charlie, where Joey allows his emotions to get the better of him and turns on Craig. Charlie scolds him and tells him he has no choice about growing up and gives him a thing or two about being a man. Honestly, that act one closer was pretty great, but it also gave two of my favorite moments of the show:

1) When Charlie gets fed up with Joey’s selfish behavior, Corey bellowed “sit down!” and one older audience member audibly went “whoa” XD XD XD.

2) in the song that follows (”Says Who? Says I”), there was a moment where - for lack of a better description and realizing it’s a pun considering what team Charlie Banks plays on - Corey became a giant on that stage. For most of the production, all the players were equals. Kids and adults and ensemble members alike, they complimented each other and no one outshone anyone else. But near the end of the song, and probably on purpose for the story, Charlie/Corey towered above everything else as he belted out lines that were equally self-deprecating and proud about who Charley and Joey should be. I was in awe. It was a great moment.

Emily’s disguised yet still noticeable baby bump made for some fourth-wall-breaking humorous moments for the audience, considering her starlet character and lead romantic interest persona. But it was all good. XD

I. am. seriously. in. love. with. that. staging. I could talk about the sets all day.

Jeff Calhoun’s directing. Can I get an amen.

Jim/Craig’s performance of “We Always Had a Garden” is honestly the part I got the most emotional over, and he sang it like an angel, I was very wow.

I need the album.

Chris Dwan as Stuke was great. I started to get worried about Stuke’s mortality when he went from “occasional comic relief” to “goofy tag-along friend” and, well, I was right. But he was great and he had this fantastic little random dance number (”This Time It’s For Real”) while singing about his latest crush. It was precious. XD

There was, as the review I linked to said, a lot crammed into this little show. Like, a lot of a lot. The first act balanced everything pretty well, the second act was a little stuffed.

One of the big climactic moments in act two felt very rushed, and one of those “we’re just going to assume the audience gets what we mean” and the audience gets it but isn’t allowed any time to appreciate it. I’d like to see that done a little differently, but I completely chalk it up to there just being such a wealth of plot to deal with in those final scenes and numbers.

Speaking of numbers, if you want a taste of some of the music aside from that one clip with Robbie and Jim, Corey performed some of the songs with some cast members at his concert that week:

“You Never Have to Say Goodbye” - cue tears

“No One Else For Me” - sweeeeet

I love Big Band music so much. Jason Howland for the win.

“That’ll Be You and Me” is sort of a bonding moment for Joey and Charlie and it reminded me a lot of the character dynamic between Zach and Henry in Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, one of my favorite movies.

The wedding scene was hysterical. You’re just gonna have to take my word for it, but the blocking on it was perfect and the characters played tug-of-war across the stage trying to get Charlie to board his train on time and keep the rabbi from passing out as he flew through the “ceremony.” XD The Rabbi was a good character. Give Gary Neal Johnson a hand.

I did not cry. There were moments. But I didn’t. XD

Everybody kept swearing and then the boys would make “can we say that word” jokes, like in the middle of a song, when you knew what they were going to say because it rhymed, and I’m old fashioned but it was also great. XD

There’s an earlier scene where the baseball team is helping Joey memorize his answers for his Bar Mitzvah (”The Only Way to Score”) and it was both funny and precious as everyone except Joey learns all the Hebrew answers.

“Just Like Us” and its reprises kept the show solidly focused on Joey, and his buddy Craig.

I wanted to give both Joey and Charlie all the hugs.

I whooped for the orchestra at bows. I’m always like the only person who does that at a show, but I appreciate the orchestras so much, it’s just my thing now: I whoop loudly in support of the pit musicians, deal with it everybody.

My cousin enjoyed it :D :D :D

Standing ovation, btw, of course.

Okay, so, after the show:

We stuck around with a group of peeps to stagedoor. Folks, this is the first time I successfully stagedoored something lol.

Corey was the first person to come out, and... - poor guy. XD He was booking it, making a very determined beeline for the exit. If I was left to my own, I would have let him go, but the guy in front of me stopped him so I got up my courage. He was polite and kind to us, but you could tell he just wanted to go home. (and afterward he ended up apparently getting delayed like seven hours trying to get back home to the city, so I don’t blame him at all) So he signed a couple posters and playbills, and then as he was walking away I stepped forward and asked if I could get his autograph. He was like “yeah, ok” and then, rather than giving him the playbill, I pulled out my Bandstand album jacket. :D :D :D Guys, he lit up, it was the cutest and happiest thing. He went from “ok sure” to “awwww yeaaaaah!” and signed it like six times because my marker wasn’t working properly lol, and then was like “um that’s gonna have to be good enough” even though I told him the first time was ok. XD

So then everyone else started to come out, and I got a lot of the cast to sign my playbill, including all the main kids, Emily, and most of the baseball players - who were the coolest about doing autographs so bless you dudes. Young Jim somehow has the neatest signature.

And then we went home! XD

As usual, I am certain I am forgetting all the things, but there we are. I only wish I could have gone twice. I would love to have gone earlier so I could tell everyone to go see it. But I’m reasonably sure it will get more productions, so be on the look out for it! :D

[dearmyblank]

dear justin,

   i have quite a lot to say honestly. im also pretty sure you will never read this, which is fine by me. i wish i could pour out all my feelings to you like i used to, but all that is gone. I threw the relationship away, and i regret it more than anything. You truly loved me and i reciprocated those feelings back. but at some point we just, stopped talking. I was busy with graduation and you were busy with school as well. part of me was afraid to text you for some reason. i guess i thought i was annoying you somehow. It started on valentine’s day. so many useless things i remember. To be honest, i was a complete wreck over thanksgiving break. last year that was the time we really got to know each other. remembering that made me go into a complete breakdown. crying and  shaking…. yknow the usual. the weird thing is that i mourned our “loss” so late. Right after we broke up, i was lying in bed crying. Not sobbing. The next day i woke up. Then the following week, i went to school. No one knew. I acted normal as i always did. Shit, my parents didnt even know i was dating in the first place. I was busy. Graduation and finals had me by the neck. I never broke down because i literally couldnt. Too many things were at stake. I had too many responsibilities that i could not just ignore. So, i got through it. Then, during the summer, i went to dc. it was fun i must admit. It was a good distraction from what was in the back of my mind. Then they passed by, June….July…August….September. September. September 30th. Our birthday. How great, my ex has the same birthday, i couldnt forget even if i wanted to. Feelings began to bubble, only a little. But i was able to hold them down, new have interests kept me occupied. October was fine. It was a fun month and honestly i feel absolutely wonderful around my friends. We’ve really connected this year. Then, the thanksgiving break comes up. I absolutely lost it for whatever reason. I remember last year’s break very clearly. That’s probably why. I’m okay now. But of course im writing this letter for a reason. I miss you immensely. I wish we could have met at least once. I was never able to hold you in my arms or kiss you or do any of the things i was dying to do because i loved with every part of my being. I’ve had a few faint dreams of you, one of them being yesterday. I dont know if they mean anything but i love you still. We confessed to each other on christmas, i will cry this christmas night to myself, where nobody will see. i wonder if you feel the same? i presume my emotional self is the only one still sad, still upset, still broken, still wet with tears down my face. im sure you’ve moved on. You had lots of friends. You even had a girl you liked im sure. while those thoughts absolutely destroy me, i am happy for you. I am happy that you were able to do something that i will probably never be able to do. you were my first love. I know i wasnt yours, so you were able to move on easily, right? if not, the  am also glad. Im glad im not the only one. i still have your number, it has collected dust over these long months. i probably never call or text you. Fear is my greatest. You understand of course, we were like twins weren’t we. We were the same age, same birthday, we had so many things in common, we were practically the same person. Maybe that’s why it didnt work out. I guess we were like magnets. 2019 is approaching. what are your plans? i dont have any yet. You know im still on twitter? i changed my @ of course. But if your memory is good you can find me easily, im not locked. emily and i are still mutuals. I wonder if she realizes im the same person? i dont know what happened to rylee, her account is silent so im not gonna bother dming her. I thought about asking emily, but that’s probably a dead end. Plus, i dont want to bother her with my old problems. Remember how you confessed to emily and got rejected? Rylee told me. Sorry, it was supposed to be a secret but not like that applies now. plus youre not even fucking reading this. Hello to the random person reading my life story. Dont feel bad, there’s millions with the same feelings as me right now. back to justin. im shaking i type this all out. Did you know my muscles tense up and shake uncontrollably when im nervous or excited? it’s quite the feeling. i often got like this when i was talking with you. Everytime my phone would buzz i would get so excited. i also apologize for all the times i fell asleep on you. Justin, you were such a bright light in my life. Please live your life. Live healthy and happy. I hope your mom is doing well. Your dad as well. and the cats. i dont really know what else to say. I dont want this letter to end either. it’s almost like a last chance. if you’ve been contemplating contacting me, do it. Even if you just came back to spit in my face and tell me how much i hurt you, i’d be happy. If you hate me, its okay, i still love you.i still love yakuza btw. also whenever i see akagi or anything related to mahjong i think of you. the thought of you is very bittersweet. Yet i still eat it over and over again. i go by jayden now. i also think im nonbinary now. i remember when i was thinking of changing my name from “ j ” to “jaden” you were so supportive. i didnt deserve you. oh well, it all in the past. if you dont want to contact me thats fine by me. but if you want to, please go ahead. Please find me. Im desperate, i know. but i miss you. “I love you,” that was the last thing we said to each other. you remember right?

                     With love, j.                        

[gulmoregirls]

Hey! Sorry for the lack of updates — there’s no excuse this time. I just kind of forgot to post, mostly because nothing overly exciting happened (with the hype and high point of s3 ending, the dean thing didn’t motivated me enough to come here express my hate)

But anyway, here i am! I can’t even remember when i stopped here. So, the good old recap it is.

Luke and Lorelai finally happening, little by little in s4, is everything we ever wanted. My mom was really glad, cause we are huge javajunkies here in this house. Kirk is becoming more and more my favorite character ever. He’s so extra it’s everything.

If that’s wasn’t established before, lemme make it clearer — Rory Gilmore is cancelled. She’s SO out of character, it’s annoying. College Rory is by far not what anyone expected based on previous experiences, and that includes me and my mom. Specially with the whole Dean thing. But that’s REALLY something, so I’m gonna elaborate on that.

For good part of the season Dean has been being mentioned as a good guy, rory’s sweet ex who her ex classmates remember. It’s just annoying! This entire arc with Dean makes no sense — I mean, I know Rory was a bit lost and needed someone comfortable she knew and who she knew wouldn’t challenge her enough. Just something old and familiar. BUT THE OLD AND FAMILIAR BOY IS MARRIED. And the famous smart Rory (season 1 rory) would never do such thing. It was terrible. Poor Lindsay!! She deserved so much better than an idiot as her unfaithful husband. It just disgusts me. In my opinion, it was not necessary to ruin Deans character like that. He could be remembered as the sweet first love that did his best, but instead asp made him a total jerk, and that’s the memory that sticks. And if Rory had to be so out of herself — go thru come kind of crises of something — i’d rather she had took off with jess instead. at least he wasn’t married and truly loved her. Not that wish it had happened — would be just as random as sleeping with a married guy. But between getting together with the married ex and running away with the unpredictable one, i guess the less problematic alternative is really obvious.

Before we pass to the 5th season, let’s discuss jess then. I love his evolution. Wish we had seen it more closely in his spin-off. How he agrees to be at Liz’s wedding after everything he went through with her. And the way he reads Luke’s self-help/relationship books and decides to take an action. Even tho it was kind of crazy, it shows inniciative and I’ll give him that. Ignore this if you think that’s just a jess mariano supremacist saying shit.

OKAY SEASON FIVE

Lorelai and Luke ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🤧💝

best part of the season by far.

Somehow, Rory’s relationship with Dean managed to be just as crappy as it was when he was married. Why couldn’t they just move on, right? It was annoying and the last drop that made us hate rory. don’t mind me — i can hate her and love her at the same time. She’s so stupid my crackhead heroin addicted daughter.

Even tho I’m not a team Logan, his appearance helped. He challenged Rory and made her realize that the world is more than that Dean-bubble she was in. During this season i could easily see myself as a sophies.

Then, of course, there’s the proof of how Rory can be DUMB. dropping out of Yale. Season six now.

How she refugees at her grandparent’s at the first sign of trouble and even so finds herself so independent, and the way she cuts off her mom just for wanting what’s best for her. Immature and spoiled.

Besides that, it bugs me that Logan was right there by her side and did NOTHING. Literally, the only thing he did was say that “in less than a month she would be back”. When that month passed by, he did nothing — possibly didn’t even noticed. In fact, I guess he was kind of liking her new life. After all, she did started to have more time for him. That’s probably why i don’t like their relationship (more reasons to come). Rory started to act as if she was him and completely lost track of her true self - even more than before. In her Chilton graduation she says that the person the most wanted to be was Lorelai, but she ended becoming the exact opposite, Emily. The DAR, the maids, dropping out of school, not battling for her stuff, just accepting and BESIDES THIS, acting all superior/wild and stealing a boat. THATS NOT HER. Ok, I get that she was upset because of Mitchum, but it’s not an excuse to that behavior. Plus, the real Rory Gilmore would have used his words as motivation to work even harder and prove him wrong.

In how many languages can you say THANK YOU, JESS ??????

He made her open her eyes - finally - and get her shit back together. He was so important!! And besides, the way he has made his life?? CAN YOU SAY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT????? LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE ON THE BACK!!!!

Lemme tell you, he is doing better than rory — who would have thought, right? The punk hoodlum rebel who dropped out of highschool was doing better than the private school girl straight As girl who got into Yale. And he’s happier too. Guy wrote a fucking book after several problematic life scenarios and is now working with people he likes doing what he has always loved. Ughhhh he has my entire heart.

Paul Anka, BTW!! love him 🤧😍

I also love how Lorelai proposed to Luke. They are goals. When she saw how much he cared for Rory, she was sure. In fact, maybe she was already sure, just needed a little push. And then all the signs and the snow!! I almost cried.

Now the Logan thing again. I like him — I swear!! I know it seems like i hate him and maybe i did when i first watched it, but now i see he is not that bad. But their relationship- nah. They’re annoying and rory has her weight on that, but that’s not just it. They’re cute, but there’s something missing. AND HE CHEATED ON HER. His story doesn’t match. It’s bad enough to break up with someone without them knowing. In fact, it’s REALLY bad. Rory was so confused and devastated. He should be more mature than that. Than ok, he says is just something he said Honor to make her stop talking. But then he sleeps with the bridesmaids. If he was honest with Rory and really didn’t mean it when he said they were broken up, then he TRULY cheated on Rory. If he lied about that, then he really decided that they were apart on his own. Their fight wasn’t even that serious, and he didn’t even reach out to her after that. The way she found out both times — through someone else — that is just wrong. Then he crows back buying her with money and stuff he knows she loved and she suddenly forgives him and moves in with the guy. Wrong too, ugh. Paris’ speech about Logan was everything. We deserved healing Paris and Rory growing their friendship together for more than five minutes.

I said she forgave him, right? Well, maybe not after all, because she wants a little revenge and decides to play with someone else’s real feelings. cold!! baby deserves better ); and then he gets into an accident and it’s all forgotten. ok....

just here to say that jess deserved recognition. He was the whole reason Rory came back and he did something great with his life. Still Lorelai sees him as the immature 17 yo he was. We were robbed of a great duo, them both. Their humor is really alike, a shame...

APRIL.

Poor girl, she doesn’t deserves all the hate. It’s not her fault duuuh

Asp could have made up something better for Luke this season. I think the storyline was a little non-sense and Luke, my sweet baby, gained my hate too.

Well, maybe not HATE but yeah i get where he’s coming from but it’s no excuse to lie to Lorelai and ruin their relationship. It was a pitty, really.

Then Lorelai coming to chris! what a breakdown huh? I guess it was expected, but i really hated it.

[aspiestvmusings]

CRIMINAL MINDS S14 FINALE  EPISODE STILLS

Criminal Minds 14x15 Truth or Dare (S14 Finale) 

This is the episode that sets up & leads us to the shows final, season,season 15, because this is the season finale of current season & next season (S15) will be the shows last one. 

Source: Spoiler TV (click link for more photos) 

SPOILERY THOUGHTS UNDER THE CUT: 

So... what is happening in this second picture? 

Is JJ telling Spence that he’s gonna be a god-father...again...for the third time? 

Is Spence keeping his promise & telling JJ about the 3-4 imagined futures? 

Is Spence telling JJ something personal about his life (is he dating someone)? 

Is Spence more proud of his friend JJ or Is JJ more proud of her friend Spence in this picture? I can’t tell. But look at those supportive friend looks! #Improudofyou

Are they just talking about...something... random (just before something happens... a finale end twist... involving a certain unsub)? btw, 

unlike some people commenting on this site, I do not read  any “romantic Jeid” signs from this still & I was surprised to read that some read the photo that way.

ETA: Now, the "Truth & Date” game & JJ/Reid held hostage, together thing seen in the promo thing. And guesses what JJ’s big secret that she’s not told anyone, but she tells Spence (and the unsub) is: 

it could be a lie she makes up...to “fool” the unsub 

it could be the truth that she tells, some actual “secret”

based on how she says Spence, I’d say she maybe is about to say something related to one of the people or places important in Reids life - his mom, Maeve, Gideon, Rossi, herself and/or her family (and Reid’s god-sons), or the BAU.

the secret could be related to the time in the shows beginning...the first time they were separated, together (the two of them) from the rest of the team, and the time.... after which they agreed to “we do not split up” (during cases)

the secret could be related to her & her family 

the secret could be related to some past event she and/or Spence and/or the BAU (a team member) went through (like she kept the Emily “death trick” secret from him...and it caused trust issues between them... so maybe she has another secret like that

the secret could be related to the time Reid was in jail & related to his trial (maybe JJ did or knew something too, like Emily did?) 

so many possibilities...and I am not sure at all what it is about really...

You know... rumour has it that the unsub from last weeks episode will return in this seasons finale. It makes sense, because his “play” involved proposal/wedding, and the finale is focused on a team member’s wedding (Rossi’s). So a perfect opportunity/occasion for the unsub to show up. So it is possible that just after what we see in the promo pics there is a turn of events - something goes horribly wrong. I do not know which team member I think will be the unsubs possible target, but I fear he will return to “attack”  someone..somehow. Quite possibly Rossi (or his new wife). 

ETA: Well...perhaps it’s not the unsub from the episode a few weeks ago, but a new unsub, but still...the same applies...

Now...to Reid/JJ. I’m a fan of their special friendship (but I would not have been upset if the show once had decided to take the ship onto a different route), and I loved that JJ asked Spence to be her kids godfather. But... ever since those times, and considering also the shows cast /BTS changes in the past (fired/re-hired), I’ve always feared that one day there will be an episode where something happens to Will and JJ, and Spence will have to raise the boys. It’s been a silly “fear" of mine about the shows possibly future plots...since S4. And I’m  still afraid at times that at one point they will “write out” Will’s character (since the character is now stay-at-home-dad, there is no such threats as is the past when he was on the field), but I still sometimes fear that the writers will at one point use the death of a spouse as another emotional plot for a main character...and in this case Will for JJ, so I still fear that at one point the show will go there. And if Will is at the wedding, too, then this is the next such opportunity. I wish...it won't happen, but I’m preparing for it....just in case.  

I don’t think tey’ll kill off any main characters/team members this finale... so close to the end of the series (next season will be shortened, too, so not much time left for storytelling), but I am not so sure about main characters family members... And I do think that it’s very likely that the “face mask unsub” is the finales cliffy baddie, so... I do think that something happens to ruin the wedding...and team’s celebration time of dancing and more...

[kpopscenarios-for-you]

Can I have a scenario of BTS Tae/Jimin having a secret and private account on Social media? They meet a girl on there which they grow very fond of, but neither has talked face to face or seen pictures of each other. The group are touring at the moment and happen to be in the same city that the girl lives in (*cough* London *cough*). So they decide to meet up, and I'll leave the rest to you. You can choose either V or Jimin or both if you feel adventurous. Thanks btw.

Thank you for requesting!! I hope you like it! ☺️🤗~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your phone pinged, sending you anotification that your favorite instagrammer had posted a new photo. For thepast couple months, you had been talking to an Instagram photographer. He hadsent you a direct message after you had commented on his photo. He told you tocall him T, and that he was from South Korea.  When you had asked him if he was aprofessional photographer, he just stated it was a hobby. You told him yourname and that you were a student from London. Even though you two didn’t livein the same country, you continued to talk every day, and T told you he hadplans to come visit you in London very soon.

You clicked on the notificationto bring you to T’s page and saw that he had posted a picture of the glisteningnight moon with the caption: “wish I could be with you on these lonely nights.”You couldn’t help but smile as you liked his picture. Almost immediately afterliking his picture you received a message from him:

I hope you know I’m talking about you.

T loved sending you sweetmessages, always telling you about how much he appreciated you and how he wantedto meet you. You didn’t hesitate to reply to him:

I wish I could be with you, too. More than anything.

You felt closer to T than anyoneelse in your life. T was non-judgmental and very understanding. You felt likeyou could tell him anything- and you could. T didn’t divulge into his lifemuch, but he told you he worked long hours and he worked hard. He told you thathe doesn’t have much time to rest, and when he does have time, he’ll work onphotography.

Talking to you is the best part of my day. I wish I weren’t so busy sothat I could talk to you more.

You were formulating a responseto text T back when he sent you another message:

Just wait. When I’m in London I’ll spend all my time with you.

________________________________________________________

“Y/N!” Your friend, Emily,exclaimed when she saw you at school the next day. You were in the middle ofthe courtyard, walking to your next class when Emily ran up to you, full of excitement.You hadn’t seen her this excited in your three years of knowing her.

“Are you okay?” You asked, lookingat Emily skeptically. She had a wide grin plastered on her face and couldn’tstand still. She was twirling in a circle as she clapped her hands. You knewshe couldn’t wait to tell you her news.

“No,” Emily said after shestopped twirling around and started jumping up and down, “I’m more than ecstatic!Do you know BTS?”

“Of course,” You said as youstudied your friend, wondering where she was going, “I bought you their CD foryour birthday.”

“Get ready, Y/N, because BTS aretouring in London,” Emily exclaimed as she pulled out two tickets from herpocket, “And you and I are going!”

“Oh, awesome,” you said, unenthusiastically.Sure, you were a fan of BTS, but you weren’t as big a fan as Emily was. Plus,being at the concert meant you had less time to talk to T.

“Don’t sound too excited,” Emilysaid sarcastically, “I mean, why be excited to see the best boyband in thehistory of the world for free since your best friend bought your ticket foryou?”

You broke into a smile as you grabbedone of the tickets that Emily was holding out, “I’m excited to go with you. Thankyou.”

Your phone pinged, alerting youthat you just got a message.

“Is it Instagram boy?” Emilyjoked, wiggling her eyebrows at you. You had told Emily about T, and she lovedto make fun of you for it. She thought it was adorable you had a crush onsomeone from Instagram whom you had never met before.

“Shut up,” You said, a littleembarrassed. You took your phone out of your pocket to read what T had just textedyou.

Hey Y/N. I’ll be in London in a couple weeks. I want to see you.

_________________________________________________________

The day that T was coming to Londonwas nearing by the week, and with each passing day you couldn’t help but grow evenmore nervous. What if he didn’t like how you looked? What if he didn’t mean anyof the nice things he had said? What if he falls out of interest? What if he’splaying games with you and didn’t actually plan to come to London? The nerves caughtup with you and you couldn’t help but text T:

Y/N: What if I’m not as prettyas you imagine I am?

T: I know you’re gorgeous. Ibet you’re even prettier.

Y/N: What if you aren’tinterested in me anymore?

T: That’s impossible. You’rethe most fascinating person I’ve ever known.

Before you knew it, it was theday of the BTS concert- the day you agreed to meet up with T. You told him youcould only meet him in the morning, because you had a concert to go to in the evening.T had told you that the morning worked best for him, too. You two had agreed tomeet at a cafe by your apartment. You checked the time on your phone and sawthat you were running a little late. You looked in the mirror before you left. Youdecided to wear a summer dress when you met T. You didn’t want to dress up veryfancy, but you also didn’t want to be too casual. You felt that the summerdress complimented you perfectly. It was rose pink, had a sweetheart neckline,and was mid-thigh length. After you approved your look you were out the door,ready to meet T.

________________________________________________________

I’m wearing a black cap.

You walked into the coffee shopscanning the room for a black hat, and found someone wearing one at the back ofthe coffee shop facing the wall. You felt even more anxious, but excited at thesame time. You were finally going to meet the man you’ve been talking to allthese months. You strode over and gave him a light tap on his shoulder.

“Excuse me, are you T?” Youasked, nervously.

“You must be Y/N,” T said as helooked at you and smiled.

Your mouth dropped as you registeredjust who you were face-to-face with. It was no one other than BTS’s V. He was wearingall black: a black cap, a black crew neck, and black jeans. Wearing dark solidclothes helped Taehyung avoid standing out. He was flashing you his adorablesmile.

“T-… Tae-… Taehyung,” you mumbled,nervous and fumbling over your words.  

“Please, sit,” He said, stillsmiling and motioned towards the seat in front of him.

You timidly sat down in front ofhim, still in shock that the Kim Taehyung was sitting in front of you right thatsecond.

“I told you that you’d be more beautifulthan I imagined you would be,” He said. Taehyung reached forward and grabbedone of your hands, “I hope it isn’t a problem that I’m famous.”

“No problem,” You said, feelingcalm as Taehyung ran his thumb over the back of your hand. “Would you want tobe with someone who isn’t famous?”

“I just want to be with you,” Taehyungsaid, looking deeply into your eyes. “I wish I could spend the whole daytogether, just you and me.”

“Too bad you have a concert thathundreds of people are looking forward to seeing,” You joked, flashing a smile.

“Are you one of those hundredsof people that is looking forward to see it?” Taehyung asked, giving you a cockysmile.

“Of course,” You said excitedly.You couldn’t wait to see Taehyung showcase his talent on stage in front of anarena full of people. “Even if it won’t be just the two of us today, we willstill be spending the whole day together, in a way.”

“You’re right,” Taehyung said,giving a little pause before he continued to talk, “You know, I extended mytrip a week after the concert so that you and I can spend a whole week togetherbefore I go back to Korea.”

“You did?” You asked, elated.

“Y/N, just you wait. I have awhole week of fun planned for the two of us.”

[exuviiae]

LGBT poetry net intro!

So,, I’m super excited about this, I honestly cannot wait to meet other poets who are part of the community!

About me:

The name I go by on this site is Erin! I have,, just adopted it so it might be hard at first haha

I’m Italian, so expect to see lots of Italian poetry here!

I’m 19o, about to start university!

I identify as nonbinary and I use they/them pronouns!

Pansexual as hell

I will post my poetry/reblog other people’s work on my sideblog @blooming-entropy so if you want go follow me there!!

Poets I like:

My favourite poet ever is John Keats, I cannot being to say how much I love his writing; greatest inspiration, my boy

Something by Percy Shelley too, but I wish I had read more? I am open to suggestions btw

I love Charles Baudelaire as well, and although I do not speak French I try to read his poems in the original language usually failing miserably

We studied T. S. Eliot in school last year and,, his style is beyond amazing, his verses spoke to me on a whole other level

Then many Italian ones I’m sorry Giacomo Leopardi is an example, he has some wonderful lines

Some poems Ugo Foscolo are simply stunning so him as well!

Eugenio Montale and Giuseppe Ungaretti too, some more recent poets

Then Emilio Rentocchini, who is from the same region as I am and happens to write poems in dialect too, which is super cool!!

I have only read like one or two poems by Emily Brontë but I enjoyed them so much I have to buy a book by her

Fave poems!

So, for John Keats the list is awfully long, therefore I’ll just link On Seeing the Elgin Marbles, On The Sea and the amazing Ode to a Nightingale like,, how can you not like him, his words are from another universe 

By Shelley I did like his Adonais for the feelings, and the Ode To The West Wind

Some of Baudelaire’s favourites are L’Albatros and Paysage (linked both with a translation!!)

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

Okay on to the Italian folks! L’Infinito by Giacomo Leopardi is one of my faves, and I tried to find a decent enough translation not sure if I succeeded ugh

By Ugo Foscolo I love Dei Sepolcri whiiiiiich is kinda long and of which I could not find an English translation, sorry about that; another great one is A Zacinto

Soldati by Ungaretti and Ti Libero la Fronte dai Ghiaccioli by Montale no translation for this either,, ugh

I think that’s quite enough about me and the suff I like! I cannot wait to start contributing to this community!!

[mrsroryhuntzberger]

More GG questions for you because I love your answers! What are your 10 favorite and least favorite episodes? How would you rank the seasons? What would you have liked to see on GG that we never got? What's a storyline you'd have erased if you could? Who are your GG otps (aside from our Rogan!), brotps and notps?

Thank you!! I love talking about Gilmore Girls!! I’m gonna put this under the read more for space issues, btw

Episodes: 

This is so hard I love so many episodes!! It’s more than 10 but my favorites in no particular order are:

1. The Deer Hunters (s1)2. Christopher Returns (s1)3. The Road Trip to Harvard (s2)4. Let the Games Begin (s3)5. Those Are the Strings Pinocchio (s3)6. Die Jerk (s4)7. The Reigning Lorelai (s4)8. Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doin' The Twist (s4)9. You Jump I Jump Jack (s5)10. Wedding Bell Blues (s5)11. But I’m a Gilmore (s5)12. Friday Night's Alright for Fighting (s6)13. Driving Miss Gilmore (s6)14. Partings (s6)15. The Great Stink (s7)16. I'd Rather Be in Philadelphia (s7)17. Hay Bale maze (S7)

I don’t have a list of least favorite episodes to be honest. I generally like all of them. 

Seasons: Season 1, season 5, season 4, season 2, season 6, season 7, season 3, the revival I generally prefer the seasons with Rory in college over the earlier ones (unpopular I know) but I really like all of them.

What I’d like to See:For the OG series I would have loved to see Rory with friends besides Paris and Lane. I love them but I also love Rory and her friends in s7 and it would have been great to have them through out her college years or at least another person. Not a BFF but maybe someone in her major. Also I would have liked to see more of Rory working a story. We saw it a couple of times but it would have been cool to see it a little more even if it’s a scene or two. For the revival, I wish we saw more of Rory mourning Richard because to me it seemed like she was going through a lot that could have been tied to his death (by could have I mean if ASP actually thought through it for more than 5 seconds….). She loved him and he had a big impact on her life and she seemed upset but Lorelai and Emily get so much time spent mourning him but Rory doesn’t. He still is her grandfather!! 

What I’d Erase:Dean in season 4 and 5. I don’t hate the cheating plot I actually think it’s interesting and adds another dimension to Rory, but I hate Dean and wish there was less of him. Like when he comforts her ughhhhhhh. Also the scene in the revival where Rory gushes over him girlfriend he was not that good calm down. In the revival I want to kill that scene where Rory shows up at that online news website Sande something I think and is so unprofessional that is not Rory in any state of the show: canon, AU, whatever that was not Rory at all. 

OTPS (besides RoryxLogan)• Emily x Richard• Paris x Boyle• Lorelai x Happiness 

BROTPS• Gilmore Family especially with Richard!!• Paris & Rory• Rory & Jess (they are better as friends in my opinion) • Lorelai & Sookie• Rory & Lane

NOTPS• D*an x Rory – I just hate him so much• J*ss x Rory – tumblr ruined any positive feelings I have for their relationship romance wise• Lorelai x Max – I have so many issues with Lorelai dating Rory’s teacher, tbh Max is bland & boring, and this relationship moved way too quickly