#i love fusions and its been a struggle for me for years

[saline-coelacanth]

I have randomly remembered you Ninjago fusion au and just. Began scrolling through the tag FJSNDNDN I FORGOT HOW MUCH I LOVE BOTH CHIP AND VULCAN SO MUCH

Yeah, sometimes I also decide to randomly scroll through the tag to reminisce and I think about how much I love those guys (although for me it's not specific to Chip and Vulcan it's all of them)

Seeing this ask also made me look to see if there were any other fusion aus on tumblr but I couldn't really find any that still seemed active so I guess I'm just left here to think about the old days for now

But yeah I still have a special place in my heart for this au even if I've decided not to actually work on it anymore in favor of making the fusions into their own thing because without it, I wouldn't have these ocs that I love with my entire being

[ladykailitha]

Permanent Tagging List Take Two!

Hey, guys it's that lovely time again when I go through my permanent tag list and remove people that haven't interacted with my stories in awhile to clear the way for new people.

So here's the deal, you'll have one week to respond to this post. I will post it again every week so that hopefully if you don't see it the first time, maybe one of the others will.

NO JUDGMENT! I swear it. I just want to know if you're still interested so that if you're not, people who are can take your spot.

UNTIL THIS HAS COMPLETED ITS DURATION THERE WILL BE MORATORIUM ON ALL FUTURE REQUESTS TO BE ADDED TO MY PERMANENT TAG LIST!

I love all the requests I'm getting to be added to it. But I am at 44 on my permanent list and if it hits 50 then there is no way to add people to a story's tag list. Something I really don't want to do.

You can tell me if you want to be:

Removed from my permanent tag and all my stories

Removed from my permanent tag list but keep you on all my stories

Removed from my permanent tag list but only some of the stories (let me know which ones)

Stay on my permanent tag list but be removed from all my WIPs

Stay on my permanent tag list but be removed from some of my WIPs (let me know which ones)

Stay on my permanent tag list and all my WIPs.

My current WIPs so that you know what I'm currently working on:

Well Met By Moonlight: Steve is a werewolf, Eddie is a vampire and there are strange and horrible things going on in Hawkins. No Upside Down supernatural creatures AU.

Never Hold Back Your Step...: Boy With a Bat book 2. Sequel to Can Anybody See Me? Season 2 Au where Eddie picks up Steve as one of his lost sheep and him and Steve get together. Set immediately after book one, Steve has to get through high school and his new summer job. Only this is Hawkins and danger is always lurking around the corner. Featuring season 3 AU.

Icarus: Eddie makes it big with Corroded Coffin as Steve and Robin seemingly struggle with menial jobs. Only there is more than meets the eye with the up and coming metal band The Fallen as Eddie learns that the lead singer and Steve is one and the same. Now they have to manage three private lives with super stardom. The path to love never was smooth.

Sweet Home Indiana: Sweet Home Alabama fusion. Eddie and Steve get married when the first state makes gay marriage legal. But soon a rift forms between them and Eddie leaves. Now almost a decade later, Eddie's back in Hawkins looking for a divorce so he can marry his fiancee, Chrissy. But when he arrives, Hawkins starts feeling like home in a way he thought he lost long ago. Now he has to chose between his new life in Seattle and his old life in Hawkins. But not everything is as it seems and that makes things harder. For everyone.

Paper Hearts: Post Season 2 Valentine's day AU. Hawkins is doing a fund raiser for senior ball, people can buy paper hearts to give to their friends and lovers. Pink for friends and red for lovers. Steve doesn't have a girlfriend this year so he decides to get twenty pink hearts to give to girls that wouldn't normally get any. Cue Eddie finding that adorable and to do the same for Steve so he doesn't feel so lonely on Valentine's. They fall in love.

So here is the list of people that haven't liked, commented, or reblogged my stuff in about two months.

@danili666 @chaoticlovingdreamer @genderless-spoon @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @emly03

Some additional info!

I remove people who haven't interacted with any of my posts in more than 60 days. This is anything I post: chaptered fics, one-shots, and rants, whether or not they've been tagged.

What does interact mean? Comment, like, OR reblog. It doesn't have to be all three. Hell it doesn't even have go beyond a like. Though, really reblogs are the best because it means more people beyond the tag list can see it.

If you've done any of those things in less than sixty days, or have said that you're going through a rough patch and interaction will be down for awhile, you are still on the list.

I put up the option to be removed from certain stories because @maya-custodios-dionach said that they didn't like a couple of the stories (omegaverse and metal band Steve) and I thought oh, why don't ask people what they want to be tagged IN?

And in the last couple of days I've had about half of my tag list chiming in and tell me what they want. It's fantastic! Open communication for the win!!! It makes me giggle that no one has asked be from Boy With a Bat book 2, though. Literally everything else has.

Most of my regular permanent listers have made themselves known on what they want to be tagged on, but if you just like the post without commenting, I will take that as option 6 and move on. These people don't HAVE to comment or like, you'll stay on the list regardless.

But if you have stories you would much rather not be tagged in, I'd like to know, you know. ;)

@itsall-taken @spectrum-spectre @chaosgremlinmunson @i-must-potato @carlyv

@vecnuthy @irregular-child @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet

@disrespectedgoatman @tinyplanet95

[scribe-of-hael]

Wonder what would happen if TFA Optimus got yeeted into earthspark

Y'know it's gonna be funny between an unofficial prime with no holy tits and have no idea why the warlord having beef with Autobots meeting a prime with holy tits who also have history and make peace with megatron the slagmaker

Im so sorry for phrasing it this way it's just funny and my brain isn't braining anymore it's just a jello with lots of shenanigans-

I also love your writing ahaha

I love this so much omg ?

Tfa Optimus in my opinion is basically Orion Pax (in general any orion). Like who I imagine Orion to be before taking the matrix. He is sweet, loyal , brave but is still struggling to be this leader but he's trying his damn hardest to take up the mantle.

ES Optimus would immediately be so drawn to TFa oppi because that's him , literally who he was before, young and not alot of experience. But also sad that this oppi has had to go through so much in such a small time. The losses he has suffered. He feels for him so much.

They are dads btws. This is two big bot dads with dad jokes. A young dad and aolder dad that goes

"I've been at this for years watch and learn ~" //finger guns//

Does the sickest ax move you've ever seen

Tfa like "I WANA DO THAT TO?? TEACH ME PLZ?"

I do think TFA would think ES is a lil goofy but admires who he is and what all he's had to go through to get here. He hopes to be like him one day.

And I know TFa is probs just as big as ES. But funny to think he'd be smaller cause tfa Cons are just HUGE.

Also yes tfa may not have tits for days, BUT THOSE HIPS DONT LIE, #respectthehips lol

Now comes ES Megatron. Oh dear he's not use to this. When comes to the size and the fusion Canon on his arm. Tfa can't help but be uneasy. ES oppi would reassure him that this megs is ok and has changed. Its hard for tfa to wrap his mind around. So he trys to talk with him a little. Tfa oppi is a bit awkward but Megs sees he's trying so agrees.

He's so blown at the different personalities and history they share. Even a bit envious but happy that this Megatron saw the error of his ways and wnates to change. Meanwhile his was stuck as he was,, evil and murderous..

Megs is more than happy to show he's happy to talk. But hearing what tfa megs is like just makes him disgusted, particularly guilty as some traits he used to share maybe even struggles with right now.

But Megs is also like that Dad who's been around is trying turn his life around be there for the kids. Literally lol so Tfa Optimus and these two big boys get along well.

Bonus:

I know the kids would love TFa oppi so much omg. I cry.

I'm also happy you like my writing !!! Thank you so much

[bathoarchives]

Exploring Mpho Sebina's Artistic Appreciation of her African and Setswana Roots

By Atang Moalosi and Tefo Kosie

Hailing from the Kgatleng District’s capital Mochudi is Mpho Sebina, a singer-songwriter who has immersed herself in producing and creating the continent's best jazz, soul, and afro-fusion music. A self-proclaimed Pan-Africanist, Mpho's music has been a true reflection of expressing her African and Tswana roots through cognizant use of local rhythmic instrumentation and vocal progressions, to say the least.

The love and use of indigenous elements prevailed notably in her 2015 debut single 'Loves Light' which she explains was inspired by the song Tselane by BLK JKS which is loosely based on a Tswana folktale 'Tselane'. The song, produced by local legendary beatmaker Favi includes elements of the staple beats and claps of traditional folk music production fused with soul. The music video features a cameo of traditional dancers and showcases the landscape of Botswana from the luscious water basins to the barren semi-desert land with the soundtrack playing behind the eye-catching visuals laying a foundation of Mpho’s start to dominance in the music scene.

stills from the 'Tjuele' music video directed by Thina Zibi

It would take a whole two years for Mpho to return and release two songs leading up to the release of her debut EP 'Neo' with very memorable moments such as the song ‘Tjuele’ which is a rendition of another famous setswana folktale with the same name. The song features ATI, another local music giant who sings the chorus repeatedly in the background. This music video in contrast only features Mpho (Tjuele's mother) and a young girl (Tjuele). In the first scene, Mpho is seen caressing the young girl’s hair, both draped in white dresses. Behind them is a famous portrait of a black woman and her son, which is beloved among the black community directly linking to the thematic affectionate scenery painted by the song and the visuals. The song has this continuous click-clack sound, reminiscent of the tune of clapping hands and matlhoa or traditional leg rattles used as a part of uniform for typical traditional dance. Remarkably Tjuele is the only song in the project sung in Setswana.

stills from the 'Slip Away' music video directed by Mpho Sebina and Motheo Moeng

‘Slip Away’ is another beautiful 5-minute song from the Neo EP of Mpho harmonizing over a midtempo beat, the song was also accompanied by a set of visuals that captures the hustle and bustle of the city of Accra in Ghana. The video includes many beautiful shots including Mpho having her hair plaited in the streets, women dressed in beautiful African attire and women carrying their belongings over their heads which is a very common practice amongst African women.

‘LORA’

'Lora' album cover designed by Tebogo Cranwell and Neo Rakgajane

‘Lora’ is Mpho Sebina's debut album, released in 2020 five years after introducing the world to her very enigmatic sound. The album cover itself is quite a striking piece. With its shade of blue background, it only highlights certain parts of Mpho's half-bodily features. The first thing noticeable is the pink highlighted corn rows, her lips and some African beads which include cowrie shells deemed very valuable in most African cultures. This album is easily Mpho's most definitive record, both sonically and visually as it sets her among the most highly decorated singers the continent boasts.

stills from the 'Pula' music video directed by Yannis Sainte-rose

The lead single 'Pula' is taken from the setswana song 'Pula Nkgodisa' which translates to ‘Rain, help me grow’ and the “Rain Rain Go Away” song. She uses rain as a metaphor for pain and shows struggle with the lyrics 'Rain Rain Go Away, I wanna go out and Play’. Later in the song she employs rain as a metaphor for growth posing a divergent perspective with lyrics 'Pula Nkgodise, Pula Mphodisa'. This song reflects on times of struggle and hope as it was released in 2020 when the world was heavily gripped by the coronavirus pandemic and a worldwide lockdown. The music video includes shots of Mpho wearing an African print headwrap and cardigan along with her Bantu knots. The conscious use of Setswana lyrics and visual nuances further displays Mpho's love for making music that centers her heritage as a Motswana.

stills from the Melodi music video directed by Yannis Sainte-rose

The song ‘Melodi's’ music video features Mpho Sebina in a few shots where she is covered by cloth and some other noteworthy scenes with her in front of the backdrop of the abstract painting which matches the colour of her African headwrap. The constant use of African clothing and artefacts in and around her visual presentations accompanying the already Afrocentric sonics just solidify the passion behind the endemic standard she has set for herself.

stills from the Dumelang music video directed by Mpho Sebina

‘Dumelang’ is a very warm and welcoming song that pretty much highlights a very important aspect of Botswana's culture-the standard gesture of greeting. The song hosts a confident Mpho giving the listeners a brief tour of the beautiful country and her own experiences within the context of the song. It also boasts visual excellence, a highly decorated facet of Mpho Sebina as an artist by showcasing parts of Botswana's culture, including scenes of her dressed in clothing sourced from local brands, also sweeping with a traditional broom/ ‘lefeelo la ditlhokwa’ close to a three-legged pot which is quite reminiscent of a traditional home in a village. Other shots include local art persons cameos including Dato Seiko, Nature Inger along with Mboko Basiami the founder of Glotto, a pan-African clothing brand from Botswana. Notably, Mpho is also seen wearing Zulu female head attire called “isicholo”, and the Basotho hat known as “lekorotlo”. Throughout the video, Mpho is dressed in clothing sourced from local brands.

‘Ntsha Nkgo’ is another rendition of a traditional song with the same title, which is often sung during ceremonies. The song touches on aspects of typical traditional celebratory ceremonies, including the culture of sharing traditional beer among family and friends especially older men hence the line ''Ntsha Nkgo re kgaritlheng le bannabagolo''. The sacred events normally include the slaughtering of an animal to be feasted during the ceremony ''Ko Boseja go tlhabilwe Kolobe hoki''

Renditions of traditional folk songs remain a constant theme in Mpho's music as she also reworks 'Sananapo' a song from a well-known folktale in 'Sananapo's Interlude'. Folktales and songs are essential in traditional culture as they are often used as a form of entertainment and an opportunity for the elderly to pass on and teach the younger generation about customs and values which are indigenous to us. Mpho's modern twist to these songs helps revive the connection between Batswana and their culture especially in modern times where most of the older generation believes that our culture is being eroded.

As we await the release of Mpho's sophomore album, It is well evident that Mpho will always centre her African heritage on her music. Alkebulan, which is the name of the next album, is quite an interesting name as it is believed to be the original name for Africa according to the oldest nubian and kinetic texts. In her interview with Drum Magazine, Mpho reveals that her album will feature female artists from different parts of Africa to celebrate the women and their africaness. She also stated that she was influenced by the various sounds of African music. 

[bahamutgames]

Solatorobo: Read the Afterthoughts

Game: Solatorobo: Red the Hunter (October 28, 2010)

Console: Nintendo DS (Via Emulation)

Hey hey! Let's get the ball rolling again with some more afterthoughts! And another RPG, which you all know I love. But this in particular is a VERY interesting RPG that surprised me in a lot of different ways. A DS Furry Mecha RPG is something that appeals to me GREATLY. I don't really have much general stuff to say, so let's just get right into it!

As always this is NOT a review, just a collection on my thoughts after beating the game! PLEASE play anything and everything I talk about if it interests you!

SPOILERS FOR SOLATOROBO AHEAD!! I KNOW IT'S OLD BUT I REALLY THINK YOU ALL SHOULD PLAY THIS ONE!!

Opening

So, my history with this game. Honestly, I only knew it cause my brother is OBSESSED with it. I believe it's one of his favorite RPGs ever made. So it's been on my radar for a bit. And this year something finally snapped and I decided to give it a go myself! And am I glad I did!! This game RULES!! It's such an interesting and unique little title that's, in my opinion, WILDLY ahead of its time.

Stuff I liked

Alright so where to begin? I think right out the gate I wanna talk about the visuals since it's easily the most interesting part of the game. Solatorobo is a 3D game on DS, so you know what to expect. Those cute little crunchy models the DS does so well. But with some nice 2D artwork as well particularly in the stellar anime openings, talk sprites, and occasionally even decorating the 3D environments themselves. But more importantly that what dimension makes up the world, is just how good the world itself looks! This game does some pretty remarkable stuff with its visuals that makes it look AMAZING, especially for a 3D DS game. Which aren't bad looking, but I think Solatorobo is maybe just a step ahead of everything else.

Had to give you an example on this one. This is one game I REALLY feel like would KILL in an HD remake. But even as it is, I think it's a gorgeous title. And lastly, but maybe most importantly about the visuals, are the character designs. Which are probably my favorite parts of the game. Solatorobo is a furry RPG like I said. All the characters are furries, which isn't unheard of for RPGs. But I think the way they're drawn is REMARKABLY ahead of its time. All the characters are drawn in this way that REALLY feels like they're furries I would see on the present day internet, if that makes sense? Maybe it's just cause this game influenced furry culture in ways I don't realize, but it just FEELS like it was made specifically with the furry scene in mind. From the way the characters are drawn down to the fact that they really only use cats and dogs, some of the most popular species fur furries (no shade they're great animals). But in addition to that, I haven't read them yet, but there's actually books out there about this world and how functioning as an animal person works in day-to-day life. From my understanding they thought up how clothes and toilets work when you have ears and tails and such. There's a special love for the furries in this game is what I'm getting at lol.

Speaking of that in depth thinking and lore. The whole world and plot of this game RULES. Basically, it takes place in a group of floating islands all inhabited by animal people. The islands are their own continents with their own cultures and problems. And you sail the Cloud Sea in mecha and air ships to reach these floating islands. Which is already GREAT, I love ALL of these aesthetics and concepts. But the game only gets better with its mix of technology and mysticism fusions making the plot. Playing as a bounty hunter who takes on odd jobs that lead him to awakening a giant monster, and the struggles he and his friends go through to fight that monster back. And the slow reveal of the plot and what's really going on is genuinely remarkable. HUGE spoilers but the reveal that humans exist, into the reveal it's a post apocalyptic earth, into meeting the AI in the tower who explains how it all came to be and the origin of animal people. It's REALLY interesting and it all keeps you on your toes and wanting to find out what's going on the whole way through, at least in my opinion. ALSO, Red the Hunter is a new edgy badboy made in a lab! Write it down!

Then after that there's the gameplay, it's all fairly simple, to be fair. Especially outside of combat, but combat in particular is very neat in this game. It's an action RPG, which can be pretty aggressive gameplay-wise. With a lot of big attacks and big combos. But Solatorobo is surprisingly defensive! You yourself actually don't directly attack most of the time. Instead gameplay revolves around baiting out enemies, and then picking them up when they whiff an attack and throwing them around. This allows you to use them like projectiles or find ways to get them down quicker. And with a customization system similar to something like Kid Icarus Uprisign's powers, where upgrades take up tiles on a board, there's a lot of ways to potentially make the combat really personal! However, they made a mistake by making the main way to pick up and deal damage to enemies be mashing. Because I can mash like a madman, this game was basically nothing to me. But I still really loved the combat!

Outside of that, I love the music. It's got some FANTASTIC songs, particularly the lovely credits theme. And a lot of the town themes are really pretty. It's got lovely aesthetics for each world. A lot of really cool visuals like giant hermit crabs wearing temples for shells. Or an island with a special atmosphere that let fish fly through the air. A lot of the writing is really good, you really love a lot of the characters by the end. And everyone has such AMAZING designs. Even NPCs like the quest giver are SO cute and hot. A lot of the furries are super hot like Mervielle and Opera. But even the enemies like the shadow monsters and regular bugs have REALLY cool designs! It's honestly a league in of its own when it comes to characters and designs.

Stuff I didn't like

To be fair, there really isn't much about the game I dislike. Off the top of my head there's only a few things that particularly irked me.

For one, the game certainly has some, shall we say, "of the era" humor. Like, Red the Hunter says some kind of transphobic things. Not like, to be transphobic. But it's the sort of thing where like "hey in retrospect saying someone doesn't look like their assigned at birth sex is tricking you is kind of fucked actually" type things. And there's definitely a gay npc that's like, kind of made into a homophobic stereotype. Yeah, in the furry game. Some lines, even though it's all like not super offensive, are certainly products of their time.

Then there's the minigames. I thought fishing was fine, and flying around the open areas is really only an issue because of DS controller limitations. But personally I thought the races in specific kind of didn't click with me. They feel very odd and I don't think you need to win a single one of them to get credit for playing them. Which, yeah that's probably for the best cause they're not super fun. But still it's weird, right?

Then lastly, and probably my biggest gripe with the game. Is the hunter rank system. Basically, you can't take on better jobs until you do more lower level jobs. Fine, that's no problem. However, really frequently they'll kneecap your progress by making story missions a higher hunter rank than you have. This, in of itself, is also fine. But where it becomes a problem is when EVERY SINGLE JOB only gives 1 point towards your hunter rank. You need like, 10 or so to level up. So you'll be sitting there grinding sidequests for a large portion of the game. I think encouraging, and sometimes even forcing, players to do sidequests can be fine. But it did feel like a drag sometimes here.

Final Thoughts

But yeah! Aside from those things, I think this game is very cool. Solatorobo was a real surprise and I was expecting good things from it! I had a blast meeting these characters and seeing this really interesting world. I know the team is still around and they currently make the FUGA games. But DAMN I think a Solatorobo remake would be KILLER nowadays. This game never uses the touch screen either so it would work fine!

And I didn't even mention the multiplayer aspects of the game, it feels like it does a LOT with the technology for a random one-off DS RPG. Similar to maybe The World Ends With You? Regardless, it was a neat game that appealed to me greatly.

===

And that's it from me on Solatorobo! I'm always VERY happy to play another hidden gem kind of RPG that I haven't seen many people talk about. Sometimes you do get duds that don't click. But sometimes you get Solatorobo! I'm serious when I say that I think a LOT of my friends would ADORE this game. So if you read this and you haven't played it... WHY DID YOU READ THIS??? GO PLAY SOLATOROBO NOW!!

As always you can follow me on twitter to see what I'm playing as I play it. I think I'm kinda getting back into the swing of things with my gaming schedule now that I'm on hiatus. So that's nice.

And that's all I got! Go play a game with hot furries in it!

[seouldramaspot]

Lovely Runner - A Fusion of Heartfelt Drama and Fantasy

"Lovely Runner" has been highly anticipated by K-drama enthusiasts, and it doesn't disappoint. Starring Byeon Woo-seok and Kim Hye-yoon, this 2024 series, based on the popular web novel "Tomorrow's Best" and its webtoon adaptation

A Plot Steeped in Emotion and Intrigue

"Lovely Runner" centers around Im Sol (Kim Hye-yoon), a former aspiring film director who finds her dreams crushed by a tragic accident that leaves her paralyzed. Sol's life takes another heartbreaking turn when her idol, Ryu Sun-jae (Byeon Woo-seok), a multifaceted celebrity, dies unexpectedly. However, the narrative takes a fantastical twist when Sol wakes up 15 years in the past, with an opportunity to rewrite both her and Sun-jae's destinies.

The premise alone promises a rich exploration of themes like fate, second chances, and the enduring power of dreams. As Sol grapples with her newfound reality, viewers are taken on an emotional rollercoaster that is both poignant and exhilarating.

Outstanding Performances

Kim Hye-yoon shines as Im Sol, bringing depth and nuance to her character's journey from despair to hope. Her portrayal captures the essence of a woman determined to seize her second chance, making Sol's struggles and triumphs profoundly relatable.

Byeon Woo-seok's performance as Ryu Sun-jae is equally compelling. He seamlessly transitions between the charismatic idol and the vulnerable individual behind the public persona. The chemistry between Kim Hye-yoon and Byeon Woo-seok is palpable, adding a layer of authenticity to their characters' intertwined fates.

Supporting Characters Add Richness

The supporting cast also deserves praise for their contributions to the story. Song Geon-hee as Kim Tae-sung, Lee Seung-hyub as Baek In-hyuk, and Jung Young-ju as Park Bok-soon deliver strong performances that enrich the narrative. Each character brings a unique perspective, making the world of "Lovely Runner" vibrant and multifaceted.

Special mentions go to Park Tae-hwan, Kwon Yu-ri, and Han Seung-yeon for their memorable cameos, which add a touch of realism and excitement to the drama.

The visual storytelling in "Lovely Runner" is captivating, with carefully crafted scenes that enhance the emotional impact of the story. The soundtrack complements the drama perfectly, adding depth to key moments and enhancing the overall viewing experience.

"Lovely Runner" is a compelling drama that expertly weaves together elements of fantasy and melodrama. Its strong narrative, combined with stellar performances and high production values, make it a standout series in the 2024 K-drama lineup. Whether you're a fan of time-travel tales or emotional character-driven stories, "Lovely Runner" offers a heartfelt and engaging viewing experience.

So, grab your tissues and get ready to embark on a journey through time with Im Sol and Ryu Sun-jae. "Lovely Runner" is more than just a drama; it's a testament to the power of resilience and the beauty of second chances.

Honest Comment: At first I thought this will be like the typical love story a series about a high school life that the girl will fall in love with its Idol like obsessed with her Idol but when I start watching I love how the episode go , how the flow of the series its like the year of Korean Drama 2016 it made me feel the past like it was my first time watching Korean drama. I love how fresh the story you will be fluttered especially the interaction with the 2 Protagonist the story surrounds them and the story line is a masterpiece. It gives the vibe that you wanted to fall in love again. Highly recommended for first timer , Big Thumbs Up!!!

[nimpseudo]

Thoughts on Aroace Peridot and Nuance in Representation

(This post is both a late contribution to Arospec Awareness Week and a very late reflection on this Variety interview with Rebecca Sugar, published back in November 2023 for the 10-year anniversary of SU's premiere. It is also inspired by the excellent SU analysis of @love-takes-work.)

“That is something that we also wanted to show on [Steven Universe]. Not everyone has to be waiting for a relationship, whether it’s a relationship to lose themselves in, or to make themselves realize something about themselves that they need. You can also realize that that’s not something that you need.”

- Rebecca Sugar on Peridot's intentional aroace coding

Let's talk about Gem fusion, aspec identity and allegory, and everyone's favorite aro-colored Angry Little Slice of Pie, Peridot.

The concept of fusion in Steven Universe is robust enough to support many different meanings and metaphors as the story unfolds. As introduced in the early Season One episode "Giant Woman," fusion is the physical manifestation of a relationship among two or more Gems, in the form of a new, larger Gem with a composite personality and greater abilities. Even when performed for a utilitarian purpose, it holds emotional and social significance for the characters involved—and how could it not, when it gives form, face, and shared consciousness to their interpersonal connection? I would describe fusion as an inhuman intimacy ritual that not only engages the body and mind (like many forms of physical affection among humans) but also redraws the borders of the self (like the construction of an intimate partnership). Clearly, there is potential here for both aromantic and asexual coding. There are also significant hurdles to getting the latter on screen.

The limitations that come with writing for a younger demographic can inspire creative and thoughtful queer narratives that help children build compassionate, progressive worldviews. This has only become truer in the years since SU dared to push the envelope and pave the way. This show excelled at presenting subjects like same-gender affection, trans self-discovery, nonbinary identity, and disinterest in typically romantic activities and gestures, both through quiet normalization—with or without the use of specific labels—and through allegories for more complex struggles and joys. 

Even now, though, representing asexuality in a children's cartoon, which by its nature does not deal directly with sexual themes, is tricky. The fluid polysemy of fusion underlies much of SU's queer theming and character writing; but how do you represent asexuality through a character's attitude toward fusion without implicitly conflating this magical ability with sex? I honestly would not have blamed the creators for steering clear of the subject entirely, given that they were already working under threat of cancellation and fighting for every scrap of queerness that made it into the show. But Maya Petersen and other members of the Crewniverse managed to thread the needle.

You can argue, as I'm sure people have, that if all Gems are biologically asexual, and only one anomalous Gem (Rose Quartz) has even experienced sex, then disinterest in fusion can only ever represent aromanticism as an identity and can never be extrapolated to sexual orientation. But that strikes me as a superficial argument, closing off avenues for character analysis and undercutting the very deliberate queer dimension to the writing.

Before reading the above-linked Variety interview with Rebecca Sugar, my response might have been this: None of the fusion relationships we see onscreen in SU are sexual in nature, but this doesn't mean that fusion can't hold that meaning for any Gem or human*, or that a lack of interest in fusion can't serve as an analogy to asexual identity within the narrative. And that's all still true. However, this counterargument is missing something, and that's a child-centered perspective. 

Some young children may be aware of asexuality, especially if they know adults who identify as such and have explained it to them in an approachable way. But what does it mean, practically, for a child to know that "asexual" is one way for a person to be, and a word and community that they may or may not find fitting or welcoming to their older selves? Well, they should understand that while many people's ideal future involves an intimate partner or spouse, often comprising a nuclear family unit, there are infinite other paths to happiness and fulfillment. And they should be firmly instilled with the idea that their body is their own, and no one can force them to do things with it that discomfort or simply disinterest them.

Peridot—who is not a child, but is an outsider and an initial skeptic of the Crystal Gems' ways—models all of this beautifully in her welcome-to-Earth arc, reflecting asexual and aromantic experiences simultaneously**. She demonstrates intellectual curiosity around fusion and arrives at a deeper understanding of it through the lens of a fictional pairing she's invested in, but she ultimately decides that the real thing isn't for her, and she is comfortable and steadfast in that decision. Her guide in this exploration is Garnet, who values fusion to the highest degree but doesn't take Peridot's aversion personally—in fact, she immediately says she's proud of Peridot for trying something new but backing out when it stops feeling right; and for endeavoring to understand Garnet better while honoring her own inner truth. Absolutely incredible.

Could this representation have been more overt? In theory, yes. Given the time period and context and executive constraints, likely not. Is it a problem that Peridot is a nonhuman, an alien? Maybe for some people, though I feel that if a character is written with depth and personality, they've already dodged the actual harmful conceptions of ace and aro people as robotic, soulless, or inhuman—even if they happen to be a robot or extraterrestrial. Steven Universe features a diverse cast of nonhumans, all of whom feel deeply and approach fusion from different perspectives; Peridot simply holds one attitude among many. Is it harmful for the ace- and aro-coded character to also be the most noticeably autistic-coded character? I can't personally answer that, except to point out that the SU fandom, like the general population, includes many people who exist in the overlap of those identities and deserve prominence in this discussion. If this post reaches any autistic aspec fans, please share your thoughts. As for the notion that Peridot is infantilized... it's probably for the best that the planned scene with her sitting in a high chair got cut, but regardless, she is an adult. She is competent in some areas and naïve in others; she starts off about as emotionally immature as Amethyst and grows just as far, without ever losing her sense of fun or bombast. Sounds pretty aspirational to me.

(It would be false to say that Amethyst and Peridot are my favorite characters because their coloring matches the ace and aro flags, but it's a delightful coincidence.)

Aroace representation is sparse enough in adult media, where there are theoretically no barriers to mapping out the identity in full. In a child-friendly show, it's pretty astonishing to not see the "ace" factor sublimated into the aro coding to produce a character who's merely uninterested in dating or marriage. I'm not sure there's a way around that in cartoons about normal humans doing normal human things, though I'd love to see another queer-positive kids' show tackle the challenge***. But within the character-driven sci-fantasy of SU, the concept of fusion is fertile ground for laying out these nuances of bodily autonomy and selfhood-within-community, in a way that serves the fictional characters as much as it encourages emotional development in the children watching.

One more reason—as if we needed another—to love this cartoon about learning how many ways there are to love.

~ ~ ~

[On a mostly unrelated note, Steven and Connie are a shining example of a lifelong loving relationship that flows beyond the narrow banks of the friendship-to-romance streamline that audiences tend to expect from young boy-girl friend pairs. It is so, so important to me that we never see their first "real" kiss onscreen, because that milestone changes nothing about the love and devotion they feel for each other. I was very confused, and honestly peeved, when I saw bloggers excitedly declaring Connverse to be "canon" after their casual little kiss in the final scene of Future, because... Steven and Connie have always been together in every way that matters. When was this ever in question? Even within the morass of mortification that is "Together Forever", the show never once entertained the notion that their relationship might not survive. They will continue to be jam buds and best friends and fusion partners and absolute cuties even as an old married couple; we've known this since early days. So who cares about the specific gestures they choose to communicate their affection? (Less diplomatically, I'm very tired of the rigid equation of mouth kiss = romantic = official = canon, and all its equally flawed rephrasings and corollaries, that lead people to denounce some of the queerest stories around as "bait" because there wasn't enough implied saliva.) As individual characters, Connie and Steven may or may not be ace and/or aro, but there's a lovely, refreshing queerplatonic reading to be found in their friendship regardless—and I am so grateful to the crew for simply writing them as kids who think the world of one another.]

Footnotes:

* For example, I do think Rose Quartz was as ace as the rest of them, irrespective of her sexual experimentation with Greg and her other human lovers. But those encounters are hardly framed as thoughtless or meaningless. I imagine Rose as being fascinated by the differences in human and Gem intimacy, and reaching conclusions that subsequently informed and colored her subjective experience of both acts. This is not territory that the show would or should have ventured into, nor is it something I'm personally interested in reading or writing, but it's a valid axis for mature fan discussion nonetheless.

** Not to mention a bit of anti-imperialist deprogramming, as her understanding of fusion expands from "tactical display of force in battle" to "expression of trust and camaraderie, for communal benefit or simply personal enjoyment," and beyond.

*** Lilith from The Owl House is great, and online bonus materials are definitely a step up from Word-of-God pronouncements with no follow-through. But they're still not part of the show canon, and that's a shame.

[fleshsigil]

census designated - review

//content warning: discussion of depression/suicide/self-harm/dysphoria

census designated is in my top 3 albums of all time. i would give it a 10/10, but i think that rating music with numbers is stupid.

census designated is the sophomore album of jane remover, an artist who had originally broken into the music scene in 2021 with the seminal hyperpop EP, teen week. she then proceeded to release frailty later that year, a face-melting and depressing emo/hyperpop/edm fusion, which is another one of my favorite albums of all time.

needless to say, census designated is a pretty large departure from her source material, but one of the most positive changes i've seen in an artist's material ever. it trades in frailty's twinkly, edm-inspired vibe for a more acoustic and shoegazey style, while still retaining all of the things that made jane's music amazing in the first place. it features crackling, wailing walls of noise and basslines interlaced with screams and similar digital glitching effects to frailty; the hip-hop style drums used in frailty are swapped out for more acoustic, natural-sounding drums and the synths are much more warm and organic, fitting perfectly into the atmosphere of the rest of the album.

the tracks on census designated are on the longer side, ranging from 4 and a half minutes to almost 9. normally, seeing lots of long tracks on an album worries me as sometimes it can result in a lack of substance; this was most certainly not the case for this album. the long playtime makes room for bleaker, quieter moments building up into ear-splitting, astronomically cathartic breakdowns and climaxes. census designated effortlessly weaves together bedroom pop, shoegaze, and harsh noise into a varied and oppressive but beautifully blended soundscape for the entirety of the album. walls of warm synths and glitchy audio makes way for droning, feedback-riddled guitar melodies and minimal basslines.

the way that this album is able to convey the bitterness, desperation, anger, and hopelessness that are present in mental illness and dysphoria is something that i have seen in few other pieces of media. akin to uboa's the origin of my depression and giles corey's self-titled, census designated paints a visceral and vivid picture of depression, suicidal ideation, and struggling with one's identity, through both its lyrical content and sound. as someone who personally has struggled and is struggling with these things, this album has been unbelievably cathartic for me. all of the desperation and anger that jane funneled into this album is made into this palpable, dreamily vivid experience. a great example of this is the first ~20 seconds of video, a deafening wall of guitar, screams, frantic drums, and synths. during moments like this, jane also used a noisy sort of glitching effect to convey this complete collapse, this almost inability for the music to even stay within its bounds, breaking down into a messy, roiling sea of noise; a feeling that a lot of people who struggle with mental illness can relate to. this is then followed up with a bleak and soulful buildup until the eventual climax towards the end. despite this being a common song structure and theme throughout the album, it's re-engineered and done in a different way in each song, fully different from all the others; each song also discusses different topics, such as toxic relationships, going unnoticed in life, self-harm, hopelessness, the music industry, among other things. the lyrical content is vague enough for the listener to project their experiences onto it, but still personal enough for them to relate to jane's own experiences. there's this dark twinge of body-horror/cannibalism-themed metaphors for intimacy/sex/attraction ("biting chunks out of my face", "arm candy falling into his lap / take a bite") which jane herself said was inspired by horror movies that she had been watching at the time. anyone who has ever been in love, in a shitty relationship, or been ignored by the people around them will find the lyrics immediately relatable and impactful, although it's still enjoyable regardless.

the fact that jane remover was able to transition from terminally- online, attention-deficit digicore and hyperpop (which i still love, don't get me wrong) to one of the best shoegaze/noise rock projects i've heard in years is amazing and really shows her unfettered creativity, musical ability, and capacity to blend together multiple genres into a beautiful, cohesive project.

overall, i highly recommend that anyone who enjoys this style of music gives this album a listen. in my opinion, it's a masterpiece, and if you give it a try, you might think so too.

LINKS TO ALBUM ON BANDCAMP AND SPOTIFY BELOW

(i post music reviews sometimes, if you want more of that kind of thing, you should follow me)

[kaitidid22]

All the Love (light Conrad/Billie, with Billie & Everybody)

Summary: Leela and Devon are getting married. Billie is dealing with egomaniacal surgeons. And everybody wants Jessica (in their OR). (Canon-friendly to date & set post-season 6.)

A/N: I had so many AO3 tags on this one.

All the Love

“Three days to go,” Billie said brightly as Leela walked into Billie’s office.

“Don’t remind me,” Leela said, but a smile was hiding behind her haggard expression. “We still have a million things to do, and the caterer apparently no longer makes one of the appetizers we ordered. How does that even happen? We ordered it six months ago. So, we’ve been debating mini crostini versus mac and cheese balls for almost twenty-four hours.”

“Mac and cheese bites?” Billie asked, startled. 

From what she knew of Leela’s fusion Roaring Twenties in Bollywood theme, fried balls of mac and cheese being passed around the reception seemed a bit… off.

“Exactly!” Leela shook her head in disbelief. “Devon is insisting. For the kids, he says. We’ve invited, like, five children. Arjun and Elijah, who are barely eating solid foods. One of our cousins has a baby. And Gigi and Sammie, who are both in the wedding, and the only two old enough to even eat a mac and cheese ball.”

Leela groaned. “But Devon is going to win on this because I’m too tired to keep saying ‘it’s not on theme, Devon.’ Plus, he’s being so damn cute about it. For the kids! Damn him. I hate that he’s going to win. Mac and cheese? Why?”

Billie’s face screwed up in sympathy. “I’m sorry. At least they’re delicious.”

Leela gave her a suspicious look. “You eat mac and cheese balls?”

“My goddaughter is six,” Billie pointed out. “I’ve eaten all the fried foods she can get her tiny hands on. She’s especially fond of fried okra.”

Leela’s lips pursed. “Ew.”

Billie laughed. “Don’t let anyone else hear you say that. They’ll revoke your Southerner card.”

“At least Devon isn’t insisting on fried okra,” Leela said, staring into the distance.

As much as Billie loved weddings—and she really, really loved weddings—planning a wedding had always sounded like a nightmare to her. She watched Leela take a deep, cleansing breath, eyes fluttering shut as she centered herself, and then Leela slapped a smile on her face and looked Billie square in the eye.

Oh no, Billie thought. Et tu, Brute?

“Anyway,” Leela said. “I need to talk to you.”

“You need a consult?” Billie asked, hoping that’s what was happening.

“No,” Leela said. “I want to talk to you about Jessica.”

You and every other surgeon, Billie thought. 

But she smoothed out her face into its professional mien and said, “What about Nurse Feldman?”

Leela’s confidence faltered for a moment when confronted with the expressionless face and formal tone. But then she rallied. “As you know, I’ve taken on the patient load that Dr. Bell would have handled. And he has been a fantastic mentor for several years.”

“Yes, we’re all relieved he’s going to continue on in a teaching capacity,” Billie said.

With the others, Billie had rushed them along—get to the point, Dr. Yamada. But Leela was a new attending, and Billie wanted to encourage her to stand up for herself and make the bold asks. So, Billie waited as Leela struggled to force herself to say the words.

Leela squared her shoulders. “I’ve worked almost exclusively with Jessica in the OR for the past year. I feel we make an excellent team, and I want to continue our partnership in a more official capacity.”

“Meaning?”

“I’d like Jessica to be dedicated to my surgeries.” After a long pause, Leela hastened to add, “When possible.”

Billie clicked her tongue. “You almost had it.”

Leela sighed, shoulders drooping a little. “I fumbled at the end.”

“So close,” Billie said.

Leela gave Billie the trademark hopeful expression that always reminded Billie of how young Leela truly was. “Well? What do you think?”

“I think you have a solid argument,” Billie said, choosing her words cautiously. “I also think that hospital policy dictates scrub nurses be assigned as shifts allow.”

Leela’s eyes turned determined, ready to fight for what she wanted. “Is this because I’m so junior? I know I only made attending a few—”

“No,” Billie said firmly. “This is hospital policy. Which was written, in part, as a protection for the nurses. They don’t report to surgeons, and they should never be put in a position where a surgeon, or any doctor, has that much control over their careers in the hospital. Bell’s arrangement was an exception to that policy granted on the basis of a career spent working with a long line of scrub nurses over years at Chastain.”

It was the exact response she had given to all of the surgeons who had come to her office hoping to poach the same arrangement with Jessica that Dr. Bell had managed to swing. What none of them seemed to understand was that Jessica had requested the arrangement. Jessica loved working with Bell, and she had made sure it had been a stipulation of her renegotiated contract that she be assigned to as many of his surgeries as possible.

Over time, as Bell had handled fewer and fewer on-call emergencies, his and Jessica’s schedules had aligned to the point that Jessica had rarely—if ever—assisted elsewhere. Until the MS flares began, and Bell had been forced to take weeks away from the hospital at a time. Then Jessica had been back in the usual scrub nurse rotation, assigned as cases came in, and all the surgeons had gotten a taste of having her in their OR. And that had only whetted their appetites.

The surgical staff had too much respect for Dr. Bell to try and request Jessica until he announced his intention to step away from surgery. Bell had kept the news under wraps for months as he slowly moved his surgical duties onto Leela, including the small practice of regular patients he had kept. 

But he had made an announcement the week before, and, unfortunately, it had become a feeding frenzy that Billie was trying to battle one ego-driven conversation at a time. A.J., of course, had made it to Billie’s office first. But the rest had soon followed.

Billie had even gone to the Chief Nursing Officer and the medical nurse manager, who supervised the entire staff of scrub nurses, to make sure she was giving the appropriate response. Billie had expected them to be upset at the surgeons’ behavior, at the subtle suggestion that the rest of their scrub staff wasn’t as desirable. Instead, both of them had rolled their eyes and laughed.

And Billie had realized that everyone in the hospital knew that Jessica was the very best, the cream of the crop. It was how she had negotiated such a stellar contract to begin with. Across the board, everyone had already been aware that Jessica’s success wasn’t just Bell’s favoritism in action. And, if there was any jealousy among the scrub team, Billie hadn’t seen any indication of it in that conversation with the nursing leadership.

But it meant that Billie had a problem on her hands. Because eventually the surgeons were going to realize that Jessica had full authority over the decision. Billie could only hold them off for so long. Surgeons were competitive to a fault and would stop at nothing to get what they wanted—because most of them firmly believed they were entitled to anything and everything under the sun. 

In short, as long as Jessica remained unassigned, the situation was a ticking time bomb.

“Do you understand?” Billie asked Leela.

Disappointment lingered on Leela’s face, but she nodded. “Of course. Thank you for your time, chief.”

Oh jeez, Billie thought at the sound of her title from Leela’s mouth.

But Leela held her head high as she left Billie’s office. And Billie felt a burst of pride for Leela.

~*~

Billie strode through the double doors that led to the emergency department and breathed in the bitter smell of antiseptic and the lemon from the cleaning products. She had a Pavlovian response to the smell now, which tended to linger on Conrad’s skin and hair until he showered after a shift. And her eyes found him almost immediately, clear across on the other side of the department, grinning down at a patient on a gurney.

But she wasn’t looking for Conrad, and she forced herself to focus on the task at hand.

Her eyes checked the central bay desk first and got lucky. Jessica was standing with her husband, Irving, and Billie’s lips thinned when she saw the giant arrangement of flowers in Jessica’s arms. It contained an ombréassortment of at least two dozen red, fuchsia, and pink roses, along with a cadre of other flowers to round out the aesthetic. They sat in a beautiful, ornate vase that was wrapped in a delicate silk ribbon. The whole thing was large enough that Jessica’s body and part of her face was mostly hidden behind dense petals.

Damn, Billie thought. They know already.

“Nice flowers,” Billie said dryly. 

Jessica peeked around the bouquet, spotted Billie, and flushed slightly. Billie felt a flash of guilt but wasn’t sure how to address it. She let her eyes flick to Irving.

“Please tell me those are from you,” Billie said.

He gave her an arch look. “You think I can afford that kind of arrangement? Did you see the vase?”

“Hey,” Conrad said from behind her.

Everything inside of Billie softened and warmed as she watched him step up behind one of the other monitors in the nursing bay. She hadn’t spent the night at his place thanks to an ICU patient that had kept her in her office on pins and needles, and it had been almost fifteen hours since she had seen him. Their eyes locked, and a soft smile spread across her face. He braced a hand on either side of the keyboard and smiled back at her. 

“Hey,” she said.

“Good morning,” he murmured. “I missed you.”

“Oh my god,” Jessica gushed. “You two are just so adorable.”

“Right? This is what I’ve been saying,” Irving said.

Conrad straightened with a grin and looked back at the computer. “Did you need something?” he asked, typing.

“I have a surgery in thirty minutes,” Jessica said, still smiling broadly at the two of them. Her eyes were suspiciously shiny. "I should get moving."

“Actually,” Billie said, her attention snapping back into focus. “I need to talk to you.”

Jessica froze, eyes clearing. “Me?” she squeaked.

“Yes,” Billie said firmly.

“Is it about the flowers?” Jessica asked in a rush. “Because I did not ask for these—”

“No, I know.”

“—and the gift certificate to the spa was a total shock—”

“The what?” Billie asked, stunned.

“Honey,” Irving said quietly.

“—and I’m so sorry, Dr. Sutton,” Jessica said, still rushing through all the words. “I really didn’t mean to cause all of this—”

Billie held up a hand. “You have nothing to apologize for.” She took a deep breath and stuck her hands in the pockets of her white coat. “I’m actually here to apologize to you.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Conrad’s head jerk up to squint at her. In front of Billie, Irving and Jessica both looked flummoxed.

“You’re apologizing to me?” Jessica asked. “Why?”

“The way my staff is behaving is entirely inappropriate,” Billie said. “They shouldn’t be pressuring you like this.”

Jessica eyed the bouquet. “I really don’t mind.”

Billie grinned at her. “I can imagine it’s a little fun.”

“You have no idea,” Jessica gushed.

Billie couldn’t help but chuckle. “Still,” she said gently. Then she hesitated, eyes bouncing around the busy ED. “We can talk about this in private if you’d like.”

“Here is fine,” Jessica said with a shrug. “Everyone knows everything in this hospital anyway.”

Irritation surged for a moment at the reminder. The gossip mill had bitten Billie a few times in the past. But she tamped down on the trauma-based reaction.

Focus, she told herself.

“Very true,” Billie said. “I know you have to prep for a surgery, so I’ll be as brief as I can.”

Billie’s professional tone had Jessica’s spine straightening. Irving looked suspicious and stony, as if nothing could make him move from his wife’s side.

“You are, by far, the best scrub nurse we have,” Billie said. “And that competition is fierce at Chastain.”

“Thank you, Dr. Sutton,” Jessica said, sounding touched.

“I’ve spoken with the chief nursing officer, as well as your direct supervisor. I know that they spoke with you last week about this.”

“They did,” Jessica said.

“They did?” Irving murmured to his wife.

“Yes,” she hissed back.

“You did an excellent job renegotiating your contract, and it clearly stipulates that you have control over your own schedule. You can choose your surgeries. I wasn’t aware of that,” Billie admitted. “I should have been.”

Jessica was blushing but looked pleased. The entire ED staff had edged closer, lingering around the central bay to eavesdrop while pretending to read through charts. A few patients weren’t even trying to pretend they weren’t fascinated by the conversation. “The thing is,” Billie said, pushing forward despite their audience, reminding herself that she thrived under pressure. “You’re a team player, Jessica. Not once during any of Bell’s leaves of absence did you take advantage of that clause in your contract. You go wherever you’re told, assist wherever you’re asked to assist.”

“Of course,” Jessica said, clearly flustered. 

Irving reached out a hand and placed it on her back, a smile playing with his lips.

“That’s not an of course,” Billie said firmly and calmly. Her chin was high, face serious, as she looked at Jessica. “Most people would abuse that privilege. And you’re holding proof in your hands that my staff would take full advantage of any edge they thought they might have.”

Billie heard some stifled laughter but ignored it. Jessica bit her lip against a smile and glanced at her husband. Irving’s smile had broadened to a full, proud grin.

“You’ve earned the right to choose what surgeon you’re dedicated to going forward. Your supervisor and I are in full agreement,” Billie said. “We’ll stand behind your decision, and I’ll handle the conversations with the rest of the surgical staff. If anyone gives you trouble, or gets too pushy, tell me, and I’ll handle that, too.”

Billie cleared her throat, getting to the bad news. “I know that all of this happened very suddenly,” she continued. “So, your supervisor has bought you some time to make the decision. But I do need you to make it within the month, which I think she told you last week. I’m sorry we had to put a deadline on it—”

“No, no,” Jessica said, rushing to assure. “I understand, and it’s very generous.”

Billie allowed herself a small—still very professional—smile at the other woman. “But Jessica,” Billie said. “Do me one favor?”

Jessica’s brows lifted slightly.

“Make them work for it,” she said, with a nod at the flowers Jessica held. 

She heard Conrad’s guffaw and tossed him a smile as she turned to go. Everyone scurried to look away, though she saw a few patients watching her with curious eyes.

“Thank you, Dr. Sutton,” Jessica called to Billie.

“Of course. Show’s over everyone,” Billie said as she strode back out of the emergency department.

~*~

Billie had known Leela was an artist for years. She had come across Leela’s sketchbook once back when she had been an intern and marveled over her talent before Leela had self-consciously shoved it back in her bag. But the wedding was beyond gorgeous, beyond anything Billie would have expected or could have imagined.

The ceremony took place outside in front of the famous fountain of the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. Gigi and Sammie—the ultimate flower girl duo once again—had both been covered with swirling mehndi designs from fingertips to elbows and threw magnolia petals as they danced down the path in matching red dresses with full tulle skirts.

Leela walked the aisle in a gold sari with an art deco inspired pattern with rhinestones scattered across the delicate fabric. Her blouse had cutouts at the shoulders and had jewels sewn into the pieces, heavy enough to make it drape where they wrapped around her upper arms. Devon had chosen—or, perhaps Leela had chosen for him— a gold and taupe kurta with red accenting that perfectly complemented the coloring of Leela’s sari.

Billie realized she might be biased, but she wasn’t sure she had ever seen a more beautiful bride. Nic, of course, but that had only been in photos—one of Billie’s biggest regrets. Leela practically glowed, and Billie was fairly certain Devon was crying during the vows.

Following the ceremony, the guests were allowed to wander through the gardens until the sunset cocktail hour. Sammie and Gigi had stuck to Billie’s side like glue, and she had walked them through most of the exhibits. Conrad had tagged along, fingers entwined with Billie’s as she patiently answered questions and looked up information on butterflies and flowers. Sammie had calmly taken everything in with her bright, quick gaze, and Gigi had flounced along beside her, stopping to twirl in her dress over and over.

“This is a fantastic wedding,” Billie murmured to Conrad, as their small group left one of the massive orchid exhibits.

“Devon and Leela know how to throw a party,” he murmured back.

The reception tent had been fully enclosed during the ceremony, and the flaps had been pulled back only once the catering team was ready to seat everyone for dinner. Gigi and Sammie had gasped loudly as they all stepped inside. 

The far end of the tent opened directly into one of the Gardens’ hot houses, and a dancefloor was set in the middle, with all the tables lined around the perimeter. Sets of beautiful, gauzy red draperies came down from the ceiling, gathered around golden lanterns that hung from high above them and burnished everything in a warm glow.

“Do I pay them too much?” Kit muttered.

Billie and Conrad choked back laughter as Bell rolled his eyes. “Kit.”

“I’m kidding,” she insisted. “Mostly.”

At dinner, Billie, Gigi, and Conrad were seated at table number four, with Sammie, Kit, Randolph, Jake, Gregg, Irving, and Jessica. It was the perfect group. Billie wasn’t really in the mood for strangers. Not at Leela and Devon’s wedding. She had enough trouble making conversation with strangers on a normal day, let alone when she felt so emotional, warm, and fuzzy.

They spent most of dinner laughing, with Gigi and Sammie keeping them all entertained. Padma, A.J., Arjun, and Elijah were seated at the family table, and A.J. kept glancing over with longing in his eyes. Conrad waved at him once, and he had glared until Gigi turned to see who her father was waving at. Then A.J. cleared his face into a pleasant smile and waved back.

The girls, of course, had become restless once they were full. After a few minutes of fidgeting, Gregg had offered to walk them through the hot house, and the trio had disappeared.

In the quiet that descended on the table, Conrad’s hand slid under Billie’s hair to curl around the back of her neck, thumb stroking her skin. She let her eyes flutter shut for a moment and soaked in the feeling. When she opened them again, Jessica had switched chairs with her husband, leaving her to sit next to Billie. 

“Dr. Sutton?” Jessica asked.

Billie turned to her with an easy smile. “You can call me Billie, Jessica, it’s fine.”

Obvious hesitation crossed the scrub nurse’s face, and Billie laughed softly. She knew the sound was light and happy, more so than it ever was at the hospital. But she didn’t care. It was an excellent night. Conrad’s fingers were warm against her skin, and Gigi was happy, and Leela and Devon were moon-eyed at their table for two in the center of it all, and it was one of those moments in life that were always so fleeting where it felt like absolutely nothing could ever go wrong again.

Billie gave Jessica a curious look. “You used to call me Billie all the time.”

“That was before,” Jessica insisted.

“Before what?”

“Before you were chief,” Jessica said, like this meant something.

Billie supposed it did, though hospital hierarchy rarely crossed her mind unless a surgeon came to her with a problem. She had been thrilled to make chief—especially so young, and especially after everything that had happened at Chastain. But she hadn’t thought it made anyone look at her any differently (other than because it gave her greater access to the purse strings). 

Most especially Jessica, of all people, who had been the scrub nurse in Billie’s OR when she made the biggest mistake of her career that gave Conrad’s patient a stroke. The scrub nurse who had warned Billie to wait for Aronson, that something was off with the patient’s levels on the monitor. The same scrub nurse that Billie had ignored and snippily told she had everything under control—when Billie very much had not.

Sometimes it still amazed Billie that she and Jessica were even friendly. Jessica had as much right to hate Billie as Conrad had.

In other circumstances, Billie could have said all of that to Jessica. She never had and probably should have at some point. But they were at Leela and Devon’s wedding, so, instead, “We pre-date that,” was all Billie chose to say.

“True,” Jessica murmured, and for some reason her eyes flicked to Bell.

Billie followed the gaze and found Kit and Bell watching them. “I’m all ears on this,” Bell said.

“Same,” Kit said.

“What’s going on?” Billie asked, looking between the three of them.

“I was hoping to ask your advice,” Jessica said quickly, pulling Billie’s attention back to her.

“My advice on what?” Billie asked.

“On my decision.”

“Oh.” Billie straightened in her chair, and Conrad’s hand fell away as he leaned forward, elbows finding the table. “What about it?”

Jessica looked down at her folded hands, and Irving’s hand came over to cover his wife’s. “I wondered what you would do… if you were me?”

Billie’s brows rose, and she looked back at Bell. He shrugged and said, “She already has my advice.”

Billie nodded once and licked her lips. “Well, I think the first thing we have to acknowledge is that this decision isn’t final. Meaning, if you chose a surgeon and then decided you hated working with them, we could move you again. You’re not going to lose your value, Jessica. You’ll always have that leverage. For lack of a better phrase,” she murmured.

Jessica nodded, eyes studying Billie as she absorbed the words.

“The other piece of this is that you don’t have to choose to dedicate yourself to anyone,” Billie emphasized, and Jessica’s eyes dropped back to her hands. “You’ve already displayed the agility to move between specialties. If what you wanted to do was stay part of the rotation, then we would absolutely support that. If what you want is to move into a training position, or if you were interested in a management track, then we would make that happen. I hear you’re an amazing mentor to the scrub staff.”

Billie put a hand on the table and leaned forward to catch Jessica’s eye. “I don’t want you to think that your career will ever be determined by a surgeon. Any surgeon. You have many, many options. And none of them are going away.”

“Thank you,” Jessica said. Her eyes flicked to Bell again, then she pulled a hand free from Irving’s grip to stack on top of her husband’s.

“Beyond that, if you did choose…” Billie trailed off. She thought for a moment, all the faces of her surgical staff flipping through her mind like flash cards. “I don’t know, to be honest. We have so many talented surgeons. General will have the most varied cases, but Leela is young and inexperienced. She doesn’t have much pull yet in terms of shift hours. Trauma will have a good load with a lot of variety, but the hours are unpredictable.”

She tilted her head to the side. “Cardio is an exciting field, always evolving, but James mostly does small procedures. And a lot of them,” she said dryly. “He has twice the surgical load of any other surgeon on staff.”

“And brings in more money than God,” Kit added. “Bless him.”

“I’m trying to entice Jake back to lead our plastics team,” Billie said, with a sly glance at Bell’s stepson.

He looked down shyly. “You flatter me.”

“But so far no dice,” Billie admitted on a sigh. “And you’ll need to make a decision long before he returns.”

“If I return,” Jake said.

“Before he gets back,” Bell said. Kit smacked him on the shoulder, but Jake just chuckled.

Ignoring his wife’s very physical admonishment, Bell asked, “What about neuro?”

“Ah,” Billie said with a humorless smile. “Neuro is hard. Emotional. We see a lot of death. Sometimes the patients have to be awake, and we rely on the scrub nurses to keep them calm. We only cut when we have to—more so than any other specialty—but that means it’s almost always dire when we hit the OR. But it also means that it can be the most rewarding discipline.”

Jessica nodded slowly, hesitantly. “I know.”

Billie offered Jessica an understanding look. “And, back to cardiothoracic, A.J. is… well… A.J.,” Billie said with a shrug.

“No, thank you,” Jessica murmured. As the others stifled laughter, she added, “He’s wonderful. Outside the OR. Inside he’s… frustrating.”

“That was so very diplomatic,” Billie said, with approval. “Well done.”

Conrad laughed and slung an arm over her shoulders. He squeezed her close and kissed her hair before letting go.

“That covers most of our rockstars,” Billie said, slightly flustered from the public display of affection—as well as the sappy looks they were receiving from the rest of the table. “But, most importantly, you still have three weeks. Take it. There is no wrong decision here, which makes it harder.”

Jessica smiled, eyes studying Billie for a while. “Thanks, Dr. Sutton.”

“What is it?” Billie asked, curious at the searching look on Jessica’s face.

Billie followed Jessica’s eyes as they flew back to Kit and Bell, wondering what she was missing in this conversation. There was clearly some sort of subtext floating around that Billie wasn’t privy to. 

But she was surprised to find the older couple watching Billie herself. Randolph was leaning forward, elbows on the table, fingers laced together, with a small, almost sad smile on his face. Kit had slipped an arm through his and was resting her chin on his shoulder, silent support.

“We can talk about it on Monday,” Jessica said quietly.

And Billie, always aware of and respectful of boundaries, nodded. “Whenever you’d like. My door is always open.”

~*~

Later—after the sun had set, and the music had started, and the tables had been cleared away quietly in the background—Billie tilted her head to the side, fingers fiddling with the delicate necklace she wore every day. Her eyes were glued to Devon and Leela where they swayed on the dancefloor, foreheads pressed together. Leela’s hands rested against Devon’s chest, and his were locked together at the small of her back.

That’s love, she thought, a soft smile on her lips.

Devon and Leela moved out of Billie’s line of sight, other couples filling in the gap. Irving and Jessica talked softly together. Kit and Bell were laughing—because they were always laughing—and Jake and Gregg were kissing gently. Even Padma and A.J. had each brought a twin to the dancefloor, swaying them gently to sleep. There were other couples, strangers, but Billie only had eyes for her friends.

Friends, she thought with a wistfulness that made her throat clench.

Billie had never had many friends. It had been a choice—one that she had believed for a very long time to be the best option. But even Billie had to admit that it had been a lonely one.

After the rape, she had pushed everyone away, erecting walls to keep herself safe through isolation. She had spent high school dedicating the majority of her time to studying, packing in as many AP and honors courses as she had been able to convince the guidance counselor to allow, desperate for a full ride. In her limited free time, she had also volunteered as a candy striper at the local community hospital as soon as she had been of legal age to do so—and had nearly been fired for her attitude within the week. Fortunately, the nurses had loved her because Billie had been efficient and capable and never said no to any task. She had proven herself invaluable. And, so, she had stayed all through high school.

She had, essentially, ensured she had been too busy for friends.

Over the years, after they had reconnected, whenever Nic had pushed Billie to open herself up to people, Billie had resisted, saying that one real, true friend was all she needed. Nic had always been enough. But the reality had been that the only person in the world Billie had trusted was Nicolette Nevin.

Until Conrad. But he was a whole other, complicated story with many a twist and false ending.

But, that night, she looked around a beautiful, warm, burnished red tent filled with people she loved and couldn’t finish counting all of her friends on two hands. She tried to blame Conrad, to tell herself that she was accepted because he had drawn her into the folds of his life. But that simply wasn’t true. 

Kit had become one of Billie’s favorite people, thanks to her giant heart and butt-kicking swagger. They went for drinks at least once a week, just the two of them, to vent and dish and laugh. Billie and Kit had taken Gigi on a spa day a few weeks before. It had been one of the best days of Billie’s life. Hands down. Full stop.

Aside from Leela and Devon, Kit and Bell had become one of Billie and Conrad’s favorite couple friends, joining them for dinner a few times a month, sometimes with and sometimes without Gigi. They even dragged Jake, Gregg, and Sammie along if they were in town, which they were more and more often in recent times.

Billie and A.J. were solid. He had become like an old brother, despite the fact that she was technically his boss. Because when A.J. loved, he did it with the whole-hearted commitment he did everything he was passionate about, and, so, Billie had never doubted his support and fondness. A.J. even trusted her to watch Arjun and Elijah—and he had fired three nannies already over small transgressions like not using the candy thermometer to check the milk—having dubbed her Super Auntie Billie to the boys.

She and Jake had bonded over a mutual love of their little ladies, as well as jazz, Billie’s secret obsession with romantic comedies, and the difficult fight they had both faced as brilliant young surgeons of color in fields that were still aggressively and predominantly white. Gregg had come along for the ride in that friendship, but he and Billie texted every so often, usually when they had made a parenting blunder, or one of the girls had said something so embarrassing it was hilarious.

Billie had a feeling she might be winning Jessica over, too, if their recent conversations were any clue there. And Conrad had laughingly told Billie that Irving had been her loudest supporter in the emergency room, rooting for Billie and Conrad to face up to their connection long before Conrad had known that Billie had feelings for him.

Even she and Cade were finding common ground. And that presented its own challenges, but they were navigating—

Her thoughts were interrupted by a high-pitched, blood curdling shriek that filled the tent: “Aunt Billie!”

Several people jumped or grabbed at their chests in Billie’s peripheral vision as she frantically spun in a circle, trying to find Gigi. She spotted her goddaughter standing with Sammie—who looked absolutely scandalized—off to one side of the tent. Billie was relieved to see that Gigi looked completely and totally fine and whole and unscathed.

Still, Billie hurried over, reaching Gigi and Sammie right as Conrad came up from the other direction. They met each other’s eyes—the last vestiges of panicking lingering in both pairs—just as they both reached for Gigi, who slid a hand into each of theirs. Billie resisted the urge to run her fingers over the little girl to look for damage, despite her eyes telling her that Gigi was fine.

“Sammie is going to be in another wedding,” Gigi said to her father and Billie without preamble, stressing every word like it was gospel.

Conrad’s lips thinned as he tried to smile at his daughter. “Bubble, what did we tell you about indoor voices?”

“But we’re outside,” Gigi said.

Technically, that was true, and Conrad floundered for a moment.

Billie took a swing. “Remember the checklist?”

“Of course,” Gigi said, sounding impatient. “Is there fire? Is there blood? Is it an emergency? This was really, really urgent.”

Sammie hid a giggle behind her hand.

“At least you thought it through,” Billie said, trying to give Conrad an encouraging look. 

She’s trying, she said with her eyes.

He quirked an eyebrow at her. Uh-huh.

They both turned back at Gigi and Sammie as conversations resumed around them. “Another wedding,” Billie said to Sammie, mentally catching up. “That’s so exciting.”

Sammie grinned at them.

“She’s not even going to be a flower girl this time!”

“Inside voice, Bubble,” Conrad murmured.

Gigi’s brow furrowed as she looked at the tent again.

Billie asked, “Did they decide to make you a junior bridesmaid?”

Sammie and Gigi looked at her in awe. “You’ve heard of it?” Gigi asked.

Billie heard Conrad stifling a chuckle. “Of course,” she said, with the appropriate reverence. “It’s a really important job. Congratulations, Sammie.”

Sammie blushed, looking shyly at the ground.

“I wanna be a junior bridesmaid,” Gigi said, her voice dangerously close to a whine. Then she lit up and turned back to Sammie. “I bet your dress is going to be amazing. You’ll look so beautiful. Can we go?”

“We can’t invite ourselves to a wedding, sweetie,” Billie said.

Gigi’s face fell.

“I’ll send you pictures,” Sammie promised.

“Can we help her pick it out, Billie?” Gigi asked. “Please?”

For Devon and Leela’s wedding, Billie had been tasked with taking the girls shopping for another round of flower girl dresses. This time, both Kit and Leela had tagged along. All the women had agreed it was far more satisfying than buying dresses for themselves.

“Sweetie, she’s probably not going to get to pick it out this time,” Billie told Gigi gently. “Bridesmaid dresses are usually chosen by the bride.”

“But Aunt Leela came with us this time.” Gigi pouted. “And she was the bride. We still picked them.”

“Before we get too far ahead of ourselves, let’s not forget that this wedding isn’t over yet,” Conrad said, with faux sternness. “And your flower girl duties have not yet ended.”

The little girls giggled, and warmth pooled in Billie’s chest.

“Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get out on that dancefloor,” Conrad ordered.

The girls cheered and ran off. Their tulle skirts bounced around them, and the crowd parted to let them through.

“Well, that was easy,” Conrad said, watching them go.

“Seriously,” Billie said.

After a moment, Conrad asked, “Was that too easy?”

“Probably,” Billie admitted. “Gigi’s going to bring up those dresses again, I can feel it.”

“Who knew I would have a fashionista for a daughter,” Conrad muttered. “She’s going to need a bigger closet.”

“Says the guy who has more jewelry than I do,” Billie teased.

Conrad’s head whipped around to her. “I don’t have that many accessories,” he said on a laugh.

She smirked. “You have never met a leather cuff you didn’t like.”

“Hey.”

“Aunt Billie,” the DJ said over the speakers. “You are needed on the dancefloor.”

Titters of laughter spread through the crowd. Billie felt her cheeks heat, but she cleared her throat and looked out over the groups of dancers. She spotted Gigi and Sammie near the DJ booth. The girls waved, beckoning her to join them.

Before she could take a step, an arm slid around her waist. She leaned back against Conrad’s chest, and he pressed their cheeks together. 

“You’re not coming?” she asked.

“You go ahead,” he said. “I need to talk to Kit.”

But he didn’t let go, and she felt her smile widen. ���You know,” she murmured. “Gigi asked if she could spend the night at the hotel with Sammie.”

“Really?” Conrad murmured back. “That is a very interesting idea.”

“Isn’t it?”

“I’ll go talk to Jake,” Conrad said, kissing her cheek.

“I thought you needed to talk to Kit,” she pointed out.

“Priorities. Jake then Kit.”

~*~

A little over a week later, Billie stepped off the elevator and into the emergency department, looking around with a concerned frown. She had been paged, but there had been no details or patient information. 

As usual, the ED was a flurry of activity. She saw Conrad’s blond head through the sliding glass door of one of the trauma bays. A.J. and James were both with him, likely still answering each other’s pages whenever they managed to intercept a summons, as they continued to compete for the small set of cases in which their expertise overlapped. Cade was in another bay, speaking softly to a patient. No one looked like they were waiting for her to arrive.

Billie narrowed her eyes as she looked around, unsure where she was supposed to go. Then a curtain flung back, and Irving walked towards the central desk, pulling off his gloves. Billie made a beeline for him.

“Hey,” she said, as they both reached the desk. “I was asked to come down.”

He raised his eyebrows at her. “Well, good morning to you, too,” he said, but he didn’t sound particularly bothered. “I don’t know who paged you. Let me check.” He started to type into one of the computers and frowned. “I don’t see anything about a neuro consult in here.”

“Sorry!” Billie heard behind them. She turned to see Jessica hurrying towards the desk. 

“That was me,” Jessica said. “The page. Sorry.”

Billie turned to her as Irving gaped at his wife. “That’s all right. What can I do for you?”

“Everything okay?” Cade asked as she came out of one of the trauma bays and spotted Billie. Cade glanced around with a deep frown, clearly trying to figure out which of the patients needed a neurosurgeon. “Did we page you?”

“I did,” Jessica said.

“You did,” Cade repeated in surprise.

“I made my decision,” Jessica said.

“Already,” Billie said, surprised. “You still have two weeks.”

“I know,” Jessica said.

“Decision?” Cade asked. Then her face cleared. “Oh, about the surgeons.”

“You heard about that?” Irving asked. Then he shook his head. “Why am I surprised?”

“Everybody heard,” Cade said, grabbing a new chart out of the intake box. “At least three people told me about it.”

“Billie practically held up a boombox outside Jessica’s window,” Hundley added as she walked past.

Cade laughed lightly and flipped open the chart to scan it. In the quiet as Cade read and Hundley sauntered over to her next patient, Billie turned back to Jessica. 

“Would you like to go somewhere private?”

“No,” Jessica said. “This is fine.”

From behind Billie, she heard, “Did I miss it?” and turned to find Bell and Kit walking into the department. 

Billie’s jaw dropped open. She had known Bell felt especially close to Jessica, but she thought this was a bit unnecessary.

“I already know her decision,” he told Billie with a smile. “Funny thing is, she hadn’t thought it was an option. I told her it was.”

“You always have to take the credit,” Kit said, with a fond smile.

“Not always,” Bell said to her. “And hush. I’m listening.”

Kit snorted.

Billie frowned. “Didn’t think what was an option?”

One of the trauma bays slid open, drawing Billie’s eyes as Conrad, James, and A.J. filed out of the room. Conrad spotted the small crowd at the central desk and walked over with a hesitant expression.

“What’s going on, everybody?”

“Jessica made her decision,” Irving said. “And a small army of surgeons has descended on my ED.”

“Your ED?” Cade repeated, lightly but firmly.

“Sorry, ma’am,” Irving said, not sounding sorry at all. “I out tenure you.”

“Fair enough,” Cade said.

“I’m not sure that’s a verb,” Kit murmured to herself.

“I have no idea,” Billie said to Conrad, answering his original question. “Kit and Bell came out of nowhere.”

“We asked to be here when she told you,” Kit said.

“Told me what?” Billie asked, prompting everyone gently.

Jessica looked nervous. “I thought about what you said at the wedding. And I really appreciate all of your advice.”

“Happy to give it,” Billie said.

She could feel the entire ED watching them. Again. She could feel James and A.J. edging closer, and she suspected they were each trying to put themselves in Jessica’s line of sight.

“Do you remember two months ago?” Jessica asked suddenly. “You were debulking a tumor on an eight-year-old girl, and I scrubbed in with you.”

“Leilani Cartwright,” Billie said immediately. “Of course. That was a hard surgery.”

“But successful,” Jessica reminded her.

Billie smiled, feeling triumphant all over again. “Her prognosis is good,” Billie said. “I spoke with her oncologist last week. It looks like the radiation is shrinking what we had to leave behind.”

“That’s great,” Jessica said, in a rush. “But what I meant was… do you remember what we listened to?”

Billie’s smile turned rueful. “The Moana soundtrack.”

“For four hours,” Jessica said, pointedly.

Confused, Billie nodded slowly. “Yes.”

“Because you had asked Leilani what her favorite songs were, and she said Moana.”

Billie blinked. “Studies show that some patients are still able to hear what’s happening around them, even with general anesthesia. We think it might be more prevalent in children because of how elastic their brains still are.”

“So, you always ask the patients what they want to listen to,” Jessica said.

“I didn’t know you did that,” James murmured.

“That’s smart,” A.J. said, thoughtful.

Billie looked around the crowd, confused. “If they can hear, I want it to be something they find comforting.”

Jessica nodded. “You’re the most brilliant surgeon we have on staff.”

“Hey now,” A.J. said.

“And you’re lovely to assist,” Jessica said to Billie, ignoring him. “And, as the chief, you’re able to scrub in on any surgery in the hospital that you want. You’re even required to during probationary periods or if we grant guest privileges to a surgeon.”

Billie was very aware that she was an incredibly intelligent person. And she felt very stupid in that moment for not realizing where Jessica had been going with all of this sooner. The looks exchanged with Bell while Billie had given her advice. The eagerness on Kit’s face. Irving’s supportive touches. It all made sense now.

“I want to work with a surgeon who cares enough to ask a patient what their favorite song is,” Jessica said sweetly. “Just in case.”

“I see,” Billie murmured. “And you’re sure?”

Jessica nodded. “If you’ll have me.”

“Like that was ever a question,” Billie said, brusque. “We’ll have to meet with your supervisor to make it official. But welcome to the team.”

James stepped forward with his lady-killer smile firmly in place. “Now Jessica—”

“It’s over, James,” Cade said, in her usual blunt way. “Let it go.”

James sighed, but his eyes danced as he nodded in concession at Billie. “I suppose the best surgeon won.”

Billie raised an eyebrow at him. She opened her mouth to remind him that Jessica’s career was not a competition. But A.J. stepped forward with a generous expression. 

“I support this,” A.J. said, as if he hadn’t been hoping Jessica would choose him at all. “I think this is the best possible outcome.”

“As do I,” James said.

“Says the man who bought her a spa package,” A.J. muttered.

“Didn’t you offer to upgrade her car?” James asked.

The men exchanged tense looks. Then they both forced laughs as they turned back to Conrad, who watched them with an openly amused expression.

“About my patient—” A.J. began.

“Our patient,” James said smoothly.

“You two are enough to give aspirin a headache,” Conrad said. “I don’t know how Billie puts up with you.”

“You have no idea,” Billie said, dry.

Irving turned to Jessica. “He was going to upgrade our car?”

“Oh, Irving,” Jessica said, rolling her eyes. But, as the crowd wandered away, Jessica smiled excitedly. “I’m going to go add myself to your schedule.”

“Sounds good,” Billie said, but Jessica was already rushing away.

Kit and Bell followed as Billie strolled from the ED. “You really didn’t know?” Kit asked.

“I had no idea,” Billie admitted.

In her mind, Jessica still only saw Billie as the fifth-year resident who had destroyed someone’s life in her own arrogance. It had never occurred to her that Jessica would ever see past that, even with all the promotions and honors and accolades Billie had earned in the meantime.

Bell put a hand on Billie’s shoulder and squeezed. “You’re the best chief we’ve ever had here at Chastain,” he said. “I don’t know if I’ve ever said that to you.”

Billie’s chin came up as she shoved down the emotions. “Thank you, Randolph.”

Kit reached out and hugged Billie without a word. Then she slipped her arm through Bell’s and led him away.

Billie watched them go, sliding her hands into the pockets of her white coat. When someone touched the back of her arm just above the elbow, she knew without looking that it was Conrad.

“Congratulations,” he said, keeping his voice down in the busy hallway.

She didn’t know why he bothered. Everyone knew they were dating. Apparently, there had been a betting pool on it, even throughout his relationship with Cade. She thought that was a bit disrespectful, but mostly she was just glad A.J. hadn’t won the pot. He never would have let her hear the end of it.

“It’s nice,” Conrad said.

“What is?” she asked, finally looking at him.

“Seeing you get all this love.” Crinkles fanned out from the corners of his eyes. “You deserve all the love in the entire world.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it,” Billie said.

“What?” Conrad asked, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.

She shrugged with a small smile, feeling peaceful inside. “Having friends.”

Something flashed across Conrad’s face, too quick for Billie to catch it. But his eyes darkened as he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her.

“Billie Damn Sutton,” he whispered.

 She pulled back slightly to look at his face, laughing a little. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said, and kissed her.

[meirimerens]

so i finally watched the grace relocation quest (the one where she ends up living with peter) and its so silly. those two are crazy in their own way. peterstakh adopting grace vs burakhovsky adopting mishka and spichka. they are meeting for a parents club and argue about how to raise their kids correctly

the Peter Becomes Dad quest is so fucking funny to me. what do you MEAN you put the daughter of alcoholics who likely suffers from some kind of FASD from it and is likely predisposed to addiction with the town's notorious alcoholic!!!! but i do think her and peter make a betiful family... i've spoken about it on here already i think rubin Struggles with being a father figure because 1) orphan behavior 2) he spent the past few years of his life fighting for recognition in the eyes of someone he saw as a father [and who saw him as a foster son from P1 canon] so he's quite uncomfortable being Grace's Dad because he has no good association with fatherhood... so for now he is Grace's Dad's Boyfriend. and they all fuck with it 👍 they're comfortable with it

i know grace is SPOILED in the peterstakh e grace household. both peter and rubin come from Not Only Child households [peter. literally has his twin & rubin has artemy to fight against As The Other Son] so they spoil her. she's like their little princess. i think they both begin to spend a lot of time and energy caring for her bc it helps them keep their minds off The Darkness (and peter keep his hands off the booze). they all kinda. imprint on each other like baby birds.

it's a bit different in the burakhovsky e spichka e mishka household because even if the kids are as independent as Grace / Raised Themselves, they do really like their freedoms still... Murky is still spoiled & cared for more than Sticky because she's younger + needs more support while sticky does whatever the fuck he does but i think this family unit doesn't have the. Fusionality of whatever the fuck peter and grace have even if they love each other very very much... of course they do.

(still holding your leg so you don't try to escape)

peter's mom adores grace btw. everyone goes to her for a holiday & she has been sent a letter that one of her sons has a kid now and she's like. Oh My Fucking God. she fully expects like. a baby. an infant. like one of her sons had one like participated in the making of one. like how babies are made. so she kept some baby clothes for her son's child but instead she meets 15yo Grace. & since andrey would rather khs than have to care for a child that did not already raised themself + peter is like. not making any it's a bit complicated now with the. boyfriend. the baby clothes are useless...... so Grace adopts a bunny & the baby clothes go on it. you know what i mean?

dankovsky's mom adores her grandkids. she does. she always wanted grandkids & when her son came out as Not Doable Sorry she was like "but you can still adopt... right? 🥺 you'll adopt..." so when he comes home with his man and 2 kids gotten for free in the boyfriend package she is so happy. she adores murky because with her dark hair and thick brows she looks just like dankovsky and mom's like omg... it's like she's really your own 👀 and he has to be like YEAH BUT SHE'S NOT. I DIDN'T HAVE ANY HAND IN THE MAKING OF HER. etc... mama dankovskaya wants to take her granddaughter in her arms soooo much but murky doesn't like being touched by strangers too much so dankovsky has to like. brief his mom on how to interact with his autistic daughter. beautiful family.

that was long. sorry. many thoughts.

[poppypopp]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thanks to @fogsblue and @nyxianthe for the tag.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

70 works total

2. What's your total A03 word count?

889,291 (holy hell)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Horizon, mostly

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Flame and Shadow - (Nil/Aloy) - 368

All the World Aflame - (Nil/Aloy) - 280

Toward the Sun (Nil/Kotallo/Aloy) - 273

Glitter and Gore - (Nil/Kotallo/Aloy) - 170

Where the Wanderer Goes - (Nil/Kotallo/Aloy/Fashav) - 165

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I really try, but I'm horrible at it! I always forget to reply and then I always feel super awkward. But just know, I read every single one and love them all SO SO much!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Toward Them, the angst-heavy spinoff of Toward the Sun (an AU of that fic, if you will)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh man. Most of them have happy endings. I rarely write anything that doesn't have one. The happiest might be Toward the Sun and its sequel, No Shadows in the Sun.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not on the fics, no, but I'm well aware that my tastes skew toward the minority.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, almost every fic is rated E for exactly that. I write a mixture, MF, MM, and MMF primarily.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've written a couple. I don't know if they're crossovers or fusions, though. The craziest is probably the Nil/Kotallo How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days fic, Hearts and Diamonds.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of (and I hope it stays that way)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet, but Nyx and I dabbled in a co-universe with the AO Magazine fics.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Hmm, as engrossed as I've been in Horizon, my ALL-TIME ship would probably be Destiel. I've read sooo many of those fics over the years (although never written one).

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I stubbornly refuse to admit that there are any I won't ever finish, but it may take me a while. 😂

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmm, I think dialogue comes fairly easily to me. Also smut's not too terribly difficult.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I tend to struggle with remembering to add descriptors. I often have to go back in the editing process and add descriptions of people and things.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'm not opposed to it by any means, but since I don't know any other languages, I'd be worried about getting it wrong and taking readers who did know that language out of the story. For that reason I'll probably avoid doing it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Fallout 4

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

That's a tough one. Maybe G&G. It was incredibly fun to write.

I'm going to tag @wandereringray and @every-raindrop77 but no pressure!

[ladykailitha]

Permanent Tagging List Final Call

Hey, guys it's that lovely time again when I go through my permanent tag list and remove people that haven't interacted with my stories in awhile to clear the way for new people.

So here's the deal, you'll have 24 HOURS to respond to this post. I have posted this two other times, trying to get the word out. Once two weeks ago and again one week ago.

IF YOU DON'T RESPOND BY 12PM EST SUNDAY JUNE 2ND I WILL REMOVE YOU FROM ALL OF MY LISTS MASTER OR STORY.

NO JUDGMENT! I swear it. I just want to know if you're still interested so that if you're not, people who are can take your spot.

UNTIL THIS HAS COMPLETED ITS DURATION THERE WILL BE MORATORIUM ON ALL FUTURE REQUESTS TO BE ADDED TO MY PERMANENT TAG LIST! THIS MEANS I AM NOT TAKING NEW REQUESTS TO BE ADDED TO THE LIST!!!

I love all the requests I'm getting to be added to it. But I am at 44 on my permanent list and if it hits 50 then there is no way to add people to a story's tag list. Something I really don't want to do.

You can tell me if you want to be:

Removed from my permanent tag and all my stories

Removed from my permanent tag list but keep you on all my stories

Removed from my permanent tag list but only some of the stories (let me know which ones)

Stay on my permanent tag list but be removed from all my WIPs

Stay on my permanent tag list but be removed from some of my WIPs (let me know which ones)

Stay on my permanent tag list and all my WIPs.

My current WIPs so that you know what I'm currently working on:

Well Met By Moonlight: Steve is a werewolf, Eddie is a vampire and there are strange and horrible things going on in Hawkins. No Upside Down supernatural creatures AU.

Never Hold Back Your Step...: Boy With a Bat book 2. Sequel to Can Anybody See Me? Season 2 Au where Eddie picks up Steve as one of his lost sheep and him and Steve get together. Set immediately after book one, Steve has to get through high school and his new summer job. Only this is Hawkins and danger is always lurking around the corner. Featuring season 3 AU.

Icarus: Eddie makes it big with Corroded Coffin as Steve and Robin seemingly struggle with menial jobs. Only there is more than meets the eye with the up and coming metal band The Fallen as Eddie learns that the lead singer and Steve is one and the same. Now they have to manage three private lives with super stardom. The path to love never was smooth.

Sweet Home Indiana: Sweet Home Alabama fusion. Eddie and Steve get married when the first state makes gay marriage legal. But soon a rift forms between them and Eddie leaves. Now almost a decade later, Eddie's back in Hawkins looking for a divorce so he can marry his fiancee, Chrissy. But when he arrives, Hawkins starts feeling like home in a way he thought he lost long ago. Now he has to chose between his new life in Seattle and his old life in Hawkins. But not everything is as it seems and that makes things harder. For everyone.

Paper Hearts: Post Season 2 Valentine's day AU. Hawkins is doing a fund raiser for senior ball, people can buy paper hearts to give to their friends and lovers. Pink for friends and red for lovers. Steve doesn't have a girlfriend this year so he decides to get twenty pink hearts to give to girls that wouldn't normally get any. Cue Eddie finding that adorable and to do the same for Steve so he doesn't feel so lonely on Valentine's. They fall in love.

So here is the list of people that haven't liked, commented, or reblogged my stuff in about two months.

@danili666 @chaoticlovingdreamer @genderless-spoon @emly03 @scheodingers-muppet @i-must-potato

Some additional info!

I remove people who haven't interacted with any of my posts in more than 60 days. This is anything I post: chaptered fics, one-shots, and rants, whether or not they've been tagged.

What does interact mean? Comment, like, OR reblog. It doesn't have to be all three. Hell it doesn't even have go beyond a like. Though, really reblogs are the best because it means more people beyond the tag list can see it.

If you've done any of those things in less than sixty days, or have said that you're going through a rough patch and interaction will be down for awhile, you are still on the list.

I put up the option to be removed from certain stories because @maya-custodios-dionach said that they didn't like a couple of the stories (omegaverse and metal band Steve) and I thought oh, why don't ask people what they want to be tagged IN?

And in the last couple of days I've had about half of my tag list chiming in and tell me what they want. It's fantastic! Open communication for the win!!! It makes me giggle that no one has asked be from Boy With a Bat book 2, though. Literally everything else has.

Most of my regular permanent listers have made themselves known on what they want to be tagged on, but if you just like the post without commenting, I will take that as option 6 and move on. These people don't HAVE to comment or like, you'll stay on the list regardless.

But if you have stories you would much rather not be tagged in, I'd like to know, you know. ;)

IF YOU ARE REMOVED AND YOU WANT TO BE ADDED BACK ON LET ME KNOW!!

[unhitches-similes]

20 Questions for Fanfic Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

13 (current penname)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

122,174 (current penname)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Under my current penname: Marvel/MCU, Stargate SG-1 & Atlantis, and Miraculous Ladybug--but I have ideas for fics in other fandoms!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Eidetic Image (T) Marvel

The Stand-In (G) Marvel - Stony

How to Avoid Thinking (E) Marvel - IronHawk

You Wanna Go (on a Date with Me)?! (T) Marvel - Stony

Change is All (T) - SG-1

5. Do you respond to comments? Why? Why not?

Yes, absolutely. That said, it can occasionally take me months to do so, especially on my older works, because I leave them in my inbox and hoard them like a dragon because they make me so happy.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I really should write more angst, tbh... that said, the only fic I currently have that can really be called angsty and ends without a happy ending is Worse Than Myth.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I would say Eidetic Image has a happy ending, if you don't count the teaser/cliffhanger that is the epilogue. Otherwise probably Change is All?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've been writing fanfiction in some form for 20+ years and posting for nearly as long, so I've definitely gotten a few hate comments over the years, but nothing on any of my recent stuff. In part because I'm not that known, probably.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, and it really depends on the muse.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't really write any crazy crossovers, although technically, most of my Marvel fics are a fusion of various Marvel sources (MCU, 616, etc.) and I've also got a crossover between SG-1 and Atlantis, but they're really the same fandom families and don't really count as real crossovers, imo.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge and it's my hope that I never do.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I had several translated under my previous penname, but none of my recent stuff; I've divorced myself from the fandom in question.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Under a previous penname, yes.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Asking a shipper's favorite ship is cruel and unusual, but it's probably almost definitely IronHawk or Stuckony. Also Spirk. I also really love the Lovesquare in all its permutations.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't have an WIPs currently being posted for this very reason. So many ideas. With my motivation and butterfly brain, I'll never finish them all.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm pretty great with dialogue and emotive scenes, I think? I'm not sure--please let me know!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Not actually writing even though I really want to. I also struggle with action scenes, but everyone says they always come out fine, so I'm not sure.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Oh. Oh, this is a bad question to ask me.

Listen, if the readers are supposed to understand what's being said, then freaking write it in the same language as the rest of fic and italicize to indicate it's in a different language. If I have to go hunting for a goddamn translation, or scroll back and forth to the mf-ing notes, when I'm supposed to know what's being said, odds are very high that I'm going to simply stop reading a fic. It's bad writing. Yes, I said it. It's bad writing--it's your job as a writer to make sure a reader can understand what they need to without making them jump through hoops. If your "aesthetic" matters more to you than making your narrative readily accessible to your readers, you need to rethink having another language being spoken. That said, if readers aren't supposed to understand what is said (or it's obvious/doesn't matter in the case of, like, spells or something), or you work the translation into the story right away, I'm all for it. Those are the only times I find it acceptable to actually have another language that's spoken written in a language different from the rest of the narrative.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Cats (the 1998 video, not that 2019 monstrosity)

20. Favorite fics you’ve written?

I'm really rather proud of Eidetic Image despite its numerous and varied flaws, as well as The Seeds of Great Enterprises. I also really had a lot of fun writing my Miraculous BFF-swap story Crushes and Antics.

Thank you so much for tagging me, @hamsteriffic! <3 I think I shall give a poke to... ahhhhh--anyone who sees this and might wanna do it as well! I lack the temerity to ask anyone apart from Hamster or Waffle lol

[remidyal]

Perspective Flip: 12 hours

BTS: Missing

Fusion Dance: High fantasy (like Tolkien style), Dreams

OKAY you're getting slightly shorter ones since you did three but I'm also thrilled to do all of these. By its nature there will be some spoilers for all three of these stories in this post, though the scene from Dreams is fairly early on in that fic and so is the chapter from Missing:

Twelve Hours, Aelwyn's perspective near the end.

Aelwyn's fingers itched as the ritual to settle the seven of them back in time worked. She'd been preparing for this day for a long, long while, not just for what happened during the ritual - hard enough, certainly enough to exhaust any normal wizard - but for what would need to happen after.

Kalina had never approached her during the time stop. Hopefully, that meant Kalina had no idea what was happening during the time stop, no idea of Aelwyn's growth as a wizard, of her freedom from the Geas that she'd been forced to put on herself, of any of it. Aelwyn had had five years to get ready for this, to try to get away from everything and everyone that had bound her.

The only sad part of it, much as she hated to admit it, was that she'd have to turn on Adaine one more time, but it wasn't like she was really betraying her. She was just… not going to go to prison.

Maybe she'd invite Adaine, eventually. With the extra years of training and all the information she'd given, they should have no trouble with Kalvaxus, at least; Aelwyn herself had looked into places that might be reasonable to set herself up. Outside of Solace, for a start. There was a lake isolated in the woods of the baronies that she might be able to do something with.

Maybe she would build a tower.

She turned to Adaine, now that the world was moving once more around them, now that Adaine was talking about having to deal with the fallout of half a decade and half a day ago, and was shocked to find that there were tears in her own eyes as she went to say goodbye, in her own way.

"…Aah. Adaine. It's fine. I've learned.. I've learned a lot of really important things, these past few years. About how important it is to have others helping you, and about how much I might have hurt.. you and others. And I am sorry for that. I do love you. But most importantly, I've learned… I've learned from Arthur Aguefort that if you're a powerful enough wizard and you have enough wards on your house, you can get away with any number of crimes and the government can't really stop you."

She was proud of her sister; Adaine at least made a try at a counterspell, which was better than any of those other suckers. She'd send an invite in a few months, after all.

NEXT! A bit of commentary on a chapter for Missing. I'm going to do this on the first chapter:

Missing is a much more fly-by-night fic than my other big D20 multichapter, Lunacy. Lunacy I have known how it will end since before I started writing it, though the path it's been planned to take has changed more than a few times. There were three big 'event' scenes that were signposts for me - Adaine biting Aelwyn and the two of them having their conversation in the jail, Aelwyn's rescue and subsequently the detect thoughts, and then the climatic end sequence that is as yet undisclosed to anybody.

Missing, I started with a beginning and it's kind of playing out from there, though there are a few notes I knew I wanted to hit. Specifically, that the girls would start with a decent amount of resources but lose those over time to ill fortune and to not being prepared for the streets, and then coming back into their own through struggles. I also knew I wanted to make this version of Aelwyn braver, but not necessarily THAT much braver. She makes the choice to help Adaine, after years of not acting, but she was strongly considering running away herself anyways, and it's only because she's literally watched her sister almost die repeatedly to her father that she finally snapped and ran.

That being said, it's still a bold choice, and maybe not the wisest one. For this story, centered on two characters who are INCREDIBLY young especially for the first stretch, it's pretty important to me that they make mistakes and foolish choices at the same time as they're also acting incredibly brave and resourceful and having what is, really, an adventure of sorts. Aelwyn's planned, and prepared, but it should be obvious on many thoughts from an adult's perspective reading that she simply HASN'T considered everything; she's got in many ways a very sheltered upbringing, and one that a few months sneaking out can't really cover up. (This is why she has a -2 wisdom.) Adaine's usually a bit more thought through, in spite of being younger, but she's going to make errors and plenty of them too.

In general, I think the first chapter does a very good job establishing all of this - that Aelwyn's just a bit bolder, why that's enough for her to run and take Adaine, that she hasn't really got a plan for what to do next beyond just 'have some money', and that she's truly justified and right to take the action she does here.

Last, a request was made for a scene from Dreams in a Tolkein-esque High Fantasy style, and.. this one is I think going to be the worst of these three, haha. Not really my style, but… Have Adaine and Riz meeting for the first time in that sort of setting rather than in school, with Kalina whispering in Riz's ear.

It was a dark night in the district near the inn, where Riz regularly kept his eyes out to make certain nothing was going to disturb the town. Kalina had convinced him long ago that making a fuss wasn't helpful, but it was still best for him to watch for people who might commit crimes, who might cause trouble in the town… his mother had been entrusted with the village's safety, after all, and it was on him to help her out with that job.

So he definitely noticed the small figure that was moving towards the inn, seeming to try to go unseen as it moved through the shadows. "Kalina, can you go look?"

Kalina, invisible to everyone but himself and his mother, strode across the street, even as the figure turned a corner and smacked into one of the mercenaries that had been staying at the inn face first. They were only a little taller than the soldier's waist, and seemed to shrink down as he started to berate them, the hood of the cloak slipping off to reveal a child's face and matted blonde hair.

"It's just some elf girl." Kalina said, dismissively, returning to his side. "Probably an orphan, to look at her."

Riz nodded, and then strode across the street to help her out, offering her a hand - she was shorter than he'd thought? - and then glaring up at the man who'd been berating her. "It was just an accident, leave her alone."

"Orphan kids always have sticky fingers! Your mother will hear about this." But he stormed off, and left the elf alone.

Riz glanced over. She was maybe his age, he thought - there weren't many elves around here to judge by - and she'd burst into tears at some point. "Hey, hey. Do you need help? I'm Riz. Riz Gukgak."

"I'm.. I'm Adaine." The girl said, before crying harder. "And I can't use my family's name anymore."

[romanianrootsblog]

Underground folklore

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xu1tkect4I 

Moving abroad after finishing high school might be a dream for many, and I was fortunate enough to be able to do just that. While trying to learn about the Dutch culture, I realised something; that I don’t know much about my own identity from Romania. Soon enough, I found myself terribly missing home while actively choosing to leave and study in a new country. Oh, the irony! My solution was simple: I started listening to more Romanian music than I used to back in Romania. 

The concept of underground folklore must be new to many people reading this. It was to me. Perhaps I don’t dabble with the type of people who listen to this genre often enough to feel in any way influenced by them, yet I don’t believe it gets the spotlight it deserves. I think Underground folklore, through its multiple confined cultural elements, has the capability to create spaces that foster a local sense of belonging, just like it did for me. I want to introduce here this amazing Romanian band, Subcarpați (the literal translation would be “Under the Carphatians”). And more specifically, their song “Balada Românului” (“The Ballad of the Romanian”). This piece of music has been a favourite of mine ever since it was released on the band's album "Culese din cartier" and I've listened to it countless times since then (“Gathered/Picked up from the neighbourhood” - the neighbourhood plays an important role for inspiration in Romanian music, especially hip-hop).

Whenever I listen to the song, I'm transported to the chaotic streets of Bucharest. The lyrics perfectly capture the growing frustration and ignorance that many Romanians feel towards the failed system -and by default their own country- while also trying to celebrate the strength and resilience of the Romanian people. I find myself nodding along to the beat every time, feeling a sense of pride in my heritage and a determination to overcome the future challenges that face my homeland.

Here is a rough translation of some lyrics that I am fond of, because of the artist's use of music as a shield, representing the power and comfort that it can bring to individuals. The lyrics also address the struggles of identity crisis and the importance of embracing one's cultural roots (such as folklore), which can resonate with many listeners who may be going through similar experiences:

“I use music as a shield

That I gained over long years, not just in a night

And I'm speaking especially to the young people

It's an identity crisis, a national phenomenon

(...)

When I listen to or sing this ballad

I know it's like a spark in ‘garbage’

That will ignite the faith that Romania departs from us 

(In the sense that Romania is in each one of us and its existence has to start with us)

(...)

I just want you to learn from mistakes, but wait

The world will not get my message

I have a national spirit, but I'm not a fanatic

Folklore is oxygen for an asthmatic country.“

What I love most about “Balada Românului” is the way it blends traditional Romanian music with modern electronic and hip-hop elements. The use of the cimbalom, whistle and other traditional instruments give the song a sense of authenticity and a connection to our rich cultural heritage. Just like my favourite lyric in this song tries to hint at, "Folklore is oxygen for an asthmatic country", there needs to be more appreciation for traditional folk music. At the same time, the vibrant electronic beats and the dynamic hip-hop rhythms add a contemporary edge that makes the song feel fresh and innovative. You can certainly feel that this song is a masterpiece of fusion.

One of the defining features of underground folklore that I feel I must mention is its connection to place and community. The ability of Subcarpați to draw inspiration from the streets, neighbourhoods, and cultural traditions of the Romanians is shown in the way their music often reflects the social and political issues that are important to their communities. And in my case, “Balada Românului” and their discography brought me closer to home, closer to a place where I can relate to others and be understood in my experiences growing up. I don’t categorise myself as a nationalist, nor do I agree with a lot of current opinions circulating around the media regarding this movement, but I do love my country and its history, people and nature. And underground folklore, with Subcarpați leading this movement in Romania, acts as a constant reminder for me to never forget what my origins are.

[panickedpanromantic]

im gonna dump all my unorganized thought about games here because im freaky

under this is my largest yap session to date

fallout 4s power armor is 1000000 times than 3 or new vegas

it feels more like something that needs to be maintained

and the fusion cores give me a reason to not use it all the time

splatoon is so rooted into my psyche that i have dreams about it

been playing since i was like 5 and its all i ever think about

games

infinite games

but no games

bacon

unliminted bacon

but no games

if i were to live in a game id be stardew valley

no taxes

live on a farm

free cat

make millions in a year

life good

video games are possibly the perfect outlet for trans people

your telling me i can play a girl and no one will question it

AND ITS COMPETITIVELY BETTER

sometimes games become my personality a bit too much

but honestly at the end of the day

im me

and thats all that matters

cyberpunk 2077 changed me as a person

watching someone struggle with the fact that their gonna die and theres not much they can do about is heavy

and also theres a terrorist rocker boy talking their eat out, telling them to do various crimes is great

i never found dark souls that difficult

i found it like opressive thematically

but its not hard

the difficulty is learning

guess im just better

so theres this game called a township tale

its a very unknown vr game, small community

and it is one of the reasons i could be trans comfortably

its a vrrpg

but everything is based around community

and every gameplay element is tactile

for example

in other rpgs to make a weapon you need the materials, maybe a workbench or experience, and bada bing bada boom you have a sword or something

but in ATT you have to mine the ores manually by going into pitch dark mines siphoning the ore from the earth (which in some servers theres a limited supply of) then you need to make a handle from wood by using a hammer and chisel then you need to turn the ore into ingots, then melt the ingots into a mold of whatever weapon or tool you want

then you have to heat it up and smash it with a hammer on an anvil

and then and only then can you connect the handle and blade together to make the weapon

i feel like this makes you more attached to your weapon or tool

i have an axe that took me an actual week to make

and i love that thing so much

also they can break

but the main kicker about this game is that there are very little tutorials

game teaches you how to do very basic things like connect things and make a bag

and thats it

only way to learn is to talk with your fellow townspeople

and the friendships you can make in this game are priceless

i hate using my voice to talk in online games so i use voicelines from payday 2's jacket hotline miami as a voice

imagine a robotic commercial woman voice being used to say very threatening things

at first i thought people would think its kinda cute or something

but then people were scared because of shit like this

imagine hearing something like that behind you and you turn around and its a small black woman with an axe handing you a flower

i started using it to repel toxic players (which are uncommon but still very possible)

long story short i love this game so much

i have 650 hours