#i love how we've come full circle lol

[therainscene]

Stranger Things 4 is themed around A Nightmare on Elm Street -- Vecna is a child-killer-turned-demon who murders teenagers from within their own minds; his heavily scarred skin and clawed hand resemble that of Freddy Krueger; and the actor who played Freddy himself plays his father.

I think Stranger Things 5 is gearing up to do something similar with The Terminator. Linda Hamilton (Sarah Connor) is the upcoming guest star this season; Vecna's exposed skull and vine-covered neck resembles the T-800--

--and Will's speech at the end of S4 bears striking similarities to Kyle Reece's famous "it can't be reasoned with" speech.

If Vecna is the T-800... then the Mind Flayer is the perfect candidate for Skynet.

[And Hawkins National Laboratory is Cyberdyne Systems -- a military-funded lab that meddled with phenomena beyond its ability to control and paved the way for a sinister hive mind to enter the world.]

I'm pretty sure that the Mind Flayer lies at the heart of whatever timey-wimey stuff is going on. It's suspiciously linked to timeline inconsistencies -- Will is already able to sense it in his neck before his possession in S2, and young Henry in TFS is haunted by the spider monster he wasn't supposed to create for another 20 years.

I've already written a theory on how a causal loop could tie Will and Henry to the Mind Flayer -- whatever's going on is probably more complicated than this, since my theory doesn't explain why the Upside Down is frozen -- but it's worth a read, I think, as it's the same type of time paradox as the one in Terminator and could easily be at the core of ST's time shenanigans.

Will is Kyle Reece or Sarah Connor -- so does that mean he's going to be a gun-toting badass?

No.

This scene is Will coming full circle from that moment in the shed at the start of S1: backed into a corner and forced to resort to violence because he sees no other way out. He doesn't want to kill the monster; he has to.

But the difference is that he's not cornered anymore.

This time around, Will knows his enemy, and he has supportive friends and family at his side. He's just so beaten down -- by Vecna, by Hawkins, by perceived rejections from Mike -- that he's lost all confidence in his ability to stand up for himself on his own terms.

I know it seems at first glance that Will advocates the use of violence in desperate times, but consider the context of the episode in which the above scene appears:

Joyce is reminiscing about her missing son while dealing with Lonnie telling her what to do and feel about it. Shortly after, she realizes how manipulative he's being and permanently kicks him out of her life (and the show lol) -- no violence necessary.

Will's advice hadn't been about the value of violence, but about the value of refusing to play by abusers' rules -- a key lesson in Stranger Things, as we've been watching El learn it the hard way over the course of four seasons.

Will cannot self-actualize by "finally" pulling the trigger on an approach that symbolizes his homophobic father's macho expectations. S5 is going to be about him regaining his self-confidence and allowing his authentic, gentle nature to guide him to the real solution.

So, to return to the "he's not gonna stop" speech: the theme at play here is inevitability, and it's one of the central themes of The Terminator -- not simply because the titular assassin is unstoppable, but because of the love story that drives the plot:

If Skynet hadn't sent the T-800 back in time to kill Sarah Connor before she could give birth to the leader of the human resistance, then Kyle would have had no reason to go back in time and end up unknowingly fathering John. No matter how hard Skynet tried to snuff John Connor out of existence, the rebellious love that created him was just as inevitable as the T-800.

This, I think, is the message at the heart of both Terminator and Stranger Things, and is the reason why The Terminator would be the perfect choice for S5's theme movie:

Sometimes the horrors wrought by humanity are inescapable...

...but so too is the hopeful human drive to love each other and overcome them.

Read Brenner's role in creating Vecna as a metaphor for homophobic Reagan-era fear-mongering and it all clicks into place, I think.

[ellabism]

do you have any fav ellabs fics? I just scrolled down your blog and love all your writing about them (thank you!) and I relate 100% like yes mood I agree.

I trust your taste completely if you’d spare me a crumb I’d love to read whatever is your fav, no worries if you don’t have the time/energy I always have your blog to feed my ellabs need now lol

hi! thanks so much for asking! i don't mind making a list of my personal fav ellabs fics. just buckle up because ive dissected this ao3 tag through and through.

also fair warning a lot of these fics are unfinished and i don't think they're ever going to be finished ): read at your own risk

why does my heart cry?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52598836/chapters/133047805

a recent ellabs fic on my radar. absolutely love as its currently being updated! give it some love, the author gets inspired by positive comments! this fic also has warnings of r word so read at your own risk.

assumptions

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53457232

NSFW! a really really hot one-shot. really really good. that's all.

are we destined to go full circle?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53028508

another one-shot fic. a really good premise, i love it so much.

i'll touch that fire for you

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49341436/chapters/124510642

modern day ellabs as ex girlfriends. very toxic still in a modern aspect and i love it.

unbroken

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30771995/chapters/75953900

MY ABSOLUTE FAV! i love this fic, though it takes a while for updates, definitely worth the wait!

where stolen roses grow

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47851273/chapters/120635659

REALLY cool concept and new take on how ellie's immunity affects her body. i love this one

paper bag

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45841327/chapters/115369633

a modern ellabs fic. i love the premise for ellie and abby here and how they interact among abby's friend group. i feel like not many fics implements abby's friends. also ellie is an ex prisoner. hot as fuck

we've fallen (so far)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25757314/chapters/62552452

a cool twist on how santa barbara ends up. i really hope the author will come back to this one i love it ):

there is a crack, a crack in everything-that's how the light gets in

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30440616/chapters/75056037

ADORE THIS FIC SO BADLY ITS SO CUTE! fair warning it gets into really deep and heavy things. read at your on discretion. but it has a cute lev and ellie bonding moments and i LIVE FOR THOSE! they're bffs in my mind.

you're the one who saved me

https://archiveofourown.org/works/38285101/chapters/95661985

another twist on the events in santa barbara. really cute fic and i wish it kept going.

the way sorrow tastes

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29521575/chapters/72534786

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this fic. i'd give an arm an a leg for it to get frequent updates again. another fic that has r word content. read at your own discretion.

the good fight

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28929720/chapters/70981443

an actual finished ellabs fic! love this one so bad

retribution

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26692549/chapters/65108920

this fic has a special place in my heart because of the ellie and lev dynamic that's in it. if there's one thing to know about me, is that i love the idea of ellie and lev bonding like siblings. they'd get along so well. another fic i'd give up an arm and a leg for for more updates.

my god damn christmas present

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28408266

HEHE this one is so cute. a modern ellabs take with having a whole family. a cute wholesome little one-shot.

handsy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25475419

NSFW! another really hot one-shot. had me drooling.

the collector

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25041016/chapters/60645616

NSFW! i love this fic. ellie selling her artowrk and abby being a collector. it gets hot. so so hot.

tail lights

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35929312/chapters/89580607

REALLY GOOD, WELL WRITTEN fic by one of my friends actually. the slow burn is saur good. but unfortunately there will not be a tail lights 2. sorry yall

tiles

https://archiveofourown.org/works/51887800/chapters/131198848

NSFW! really hot one-shot of them having fun at a party.

well, there's my list. i told y'all it would be long.

as i made this list it made me sad realizing how many of these amazing fics are abandoned ): i wish some of these authors will have the energy to get back on these, cause so many people adore them.

i will edit and add more if i forgot any. enjoy, happy reading!

[louiisaaah]

TNS SEASON 9 LAST 3 EPISODES WERE ABSOLUTELY INSANE I CANT

okay so pascal and heath have sorted themselves out yay thank god finally i love them so much and heath is the sweetest little button man ever

ANTHONY AND ADELE KISSED!!! took them long enough jesus christ. i want more kissing season 1 and 2 everyone was going at it we had love PENTAGONS i want more of that. the fact that anthony thought putting the team first meant not having feelings for anyone in the team lol love that guy

i didn't really get the competition this time shouldn't france have been knocked out after they lost the solos? and what would've happened if it was between tns and australia or something how would that have worked. i get shooting competitions is probably difficult and it's easier like this but i was not a fan.

why did my baby jett do literally nothing this episode?? she just danced there was absolutely no storyline involving her at all.

ethan going to paris with the french guy omg. THE HAND THING AT THE END I CANT. it was the cutest little thing if we don't hear about them dating next season i WILL cry

ngl kenzie needs to go. she's been there TOO LONG now go on tour babe.

why was ebby being made alternate brushed over so quickly?? i kind of get why but not really. and the team just didn't really talk about it, all the discussion there was was who's gonna replace her no one thought to check on her

michelle and eldon buying the studio??? i'm confused are they together or what we've litch come full circle. i think it would be good if they were more involved though, it would feel more like season 1 were the studio head and choreographers actually did something they can't have michelle and eldon there and not use them like that.

oh and MISS KATE IS BACK WHAT

[drewmoll03]

Taylor Swift released her new album and it's kind of Bethyl coded?? Now I know I'm the ultimate delulu here but hear me out lol

"The Alchemy" - "what if I told you I'm back? The hospital was a drag.. I circled you on a map, I haven't come around in so long.." hospital is Grady obv and the map thing it's a big symbolism we've seen around her multiple times, even in the Bulletproof Picasso music vid.

Next we have the Black Dog - the title kind of tells me something but I don't know what that might be, anyway you can read below the lines of the song " someone plays the The Starting Line, but she's too young to know the song.. And I may never open up thw way I did for you, you said I needed a brave man.." this is pretty much self explanatory, but the starting line made me think about new beginnings (?)

Next "Clara Bow" ".. Half moonshine, a full eclipse" that's so sus to me "you look like Taylor Swift in this light" Emily has been compared to the Taylor swift of the show a few times in interviews!

Next "The manuscript" - "in the age of him she wished she was thirty and made coffee every morning in a French press." not sure how to read this except for the obvious age difference and French reference. "Since she was so wise beyond her years.. And the years passed like scenes of a show... Looking backwards might be the only way to move forward" again pretty self explanatory.

Next, "Who's afraid of little old me?" this song made me think about the theory of Beth holding resentment towards the group for abandoning one of their own "the scandal was contained, the bullet had just grazed... You don't get to tell me you feel bad... Is it a wonder I broke?"

Then we have "But Daddy I Love him" it's about a girl wanting a relationship with someone but everyone is against it one of the lines says "dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid.. Tendrils tucked into a woven braid" which we know Beth often had braids

Next we got "imgonnagetyouback" - "whether I'm gonna be your wife or gonna smash up your bike I haven't decide yet but I'm gonna get you back... Bygones will be bygones, eras fading into gray" grays it's obviously a big color symbolism for Beth, and that's not the only song that mentions gray

Next we got "How did it end?" - "We hereby conduct this post mortem... We'll tell no one except all of our friends, we must know. How did it end?" kind of made me think about Beth's supposed death and the mistery around it.

Another song named "The Prophecy" has a line that says "a greater woman stays cool, but I howl like a wolf at the moon"🐺🐺

Also she released a poem about this album that is also kind of familiar:

“He was in love with her/ Or at least she thought so/ She was brokenhearted/ Maybe he was too/ Neither of them knew. She was way too hot to handle/ He was way too high to try —/ He couldn’t even see her/ He wouldn’t open his eyes/ She was on her way to the stars/ He didn’t say goodbye”.

Something interesting I found out about Taylor is that she worked with the TWD makeup team to become a zombie for her music video "Look what you made me do".

That's about it, I'm cringing at myself for this in-depth delulu analysis that is probably not even a thing in the slightest but anywho, I'm delulu for a reason 💀💀K byee

[technicallyverycowboy]

kinnporsche finale ep 14

this was fun as hell! truly cannot thank @vegaseatsass enough for getting me to watch it less than a month ago. really put in the work there, bb <3

shit i loved about episode 14:

vegas just out here wearing a silk pajamas shirt as a top like some kind of thrifty lesbian. more importantly, he warns porsche! he does care about him! (the alternate interpretation is that he's doing it for pete. honestly porque no los dos?)

the first time i watched the finale i was slightly stoned and upon seeing gun, whispered very sincerely to my wife, "that's how you can tell they're in the past. his ascot is smaller."

i'm so sorry, but the incest fake out is extremely funny to me

the audacity of korn to claim that he lost track of porsche and porchay when they are still living in their parents' house. unless he straight up forgot they existed for the last ten years, he damn well knew.

lol kim would rip chan's throat out with his teeth fiven five minutes.

my hottest take for this fandom is that i think porsche was always in the family, he just didn't know. so going from being totally in the dark at the start to being in a position where he can do something about it is strongly hopeful. gun and korn's fucking around has finally been found out, which means porsche and kinn can start their own fucking around.

my second hottest take is that i don't think it really matters which brother shot his dad. i think the years long captivity of his mom is the much worse thing.

actually it's very hot of kinn when he starts shooting at board meetings. the subtle red stripe to his suit is such a chef's kiss moment. i love that he really hasn't killed a ton of people, which makes this moment a little bit shocking.

what in the bougie ass head camp counselor fuck is this war outfit, gun?

i'm! on! your! side! and that, i think, is why korn has, at bare minimum, not totally won. yes, he is masterful at pulling the strings, but he's dealing with people not puppets and there is inherent unpredictability (and incest apparently) in that.

kinn getting in one last grope in case he dies and this is his last chance. the hug/dance/shooting sequence is a work of art.

the saddest thing about vegas is that kinn has consumed so much of his interior life and kinn doesn't really think that much about him at all. also the panic in kinn yelling "don't" is great for me personally, known enjoyer of hot men suffering.

oh shit we've come full circle and we're running through parking garages again! somewhere in the hospital where big is definitely alive he just rolled his eyes and doesn't know why.

"if i die today, could you be the one to kill me?" DERANGED (positive)

"because i'm hungry"/"are you very hungry" once again my soul exits my body and flies toward the sun. the way vegas's voice breaks on "why did you follow me?"

can you imagine what the other mafia families in the world make of this shit? korn's nephew taking power, also fucking korn's son.

it's actually very funny that most of the time kinn and porsche are fucking it's to the soundtrack of kinn's baby brother singing a song about porsche's baby brother.

i find tankhun sending that photo really fucking pointed and i love that about him

and finally, macau's response of, "i was eavesdropping obviously" is the exact little brother energy i appreciate in this family.

obvi the next step for vegas and pete is getting vegas to understand that someone can be both the most important person in the world to you and also a beloved pet.

[mygeekcorner]

Fine I'll give you some more book asks since you acted all pathetic and reblogged it again and begged for more: 18, 25, 30, 42, 43, 50, 51, 55, 61, 67, 68, 80, 86, 99, 100, 102 (lol), 104, 117, 118, 124. Also you must answer them all in one sitting (no drafting) otherwise the curse of the procrastinating tumblrina will fall upon you

Hahahaha omg yes, brilliant, love it, love you

18 your least favorite book ever

I mean there have been a fair few bad choices I've picked up along the way. But that I actually finished?

I really do think it might have been Twilight. Granted I did go in expecting to hate it, but it still managed to be blander and worse than I thought it had any right to be for a series with such devoted following.

25 a book by your favourite author

I said this in another answer but I don't really have favourite authors like that anymore. There are many good authours out there and I will read a series or two but I don't go looking for their names like I used to. But so far I guess Erin Morgenstern is a 2 for 2 author with very beautiful prose in both The Night Circus and The Starless Sea

30 your favourite middle grade book

So I've already talked about Narnia, HP, and my love for Eva Ibbotson but that was pretty much what I read back then. So I'll just mention Which Witch? by Eva Ibbotson as well. I don't remember many details from it, but I do remember that I laughed my way through it, which is never a bad thing.

42 a book that made you want to scream by the time you got to the end

I remember A Storm of Swords by George RR Martin made me call you and scream at your answering machine lol

It was bad enough that the Red Wedding happened, but then right after we've seen the massacre the next chapter is from Aryas point of view again and it's her and Sandor reaching Riverrun and she is So Close to being with her family again, to being safe. But he is mean and harsh and won't let her run off and if I remember correctly he takes out his fucking axe and hits her in the head with it. And that's how the chapter ends???

I mean obviosuly he hit her with the blunt side and only enough to knock her out, but we have Just Seen how you can't trust anyone, and then she's with this big mean killing machine who she doesn't get along with, and he hits her with an axe??? Fuck man! Rude-ass bitch is what Martin is. But what else is new, you know?

43 a book that you have read more than three times

Harry Potter. And yes, I am well aware about how much we're all hating on Rowling now, please don't misunderstand me. But I had read the first 3 books over 30 times before the series finished. I used to re-read them about once a year. There is not a single book that even comes close to the amount of times I've read them. No, not even Narnia.

50 a book that made you cry a LOT

The Glass Lake by Maeve Binchy fucking wrecked me when I read it in high school. Like it is off to a pretty grim start with a mother leaving her family and them thinking she killed herself as is, but then it gets even More emotional. I remember this one chapter that just left me sitting there shellshocked for the better part of an hour, those of you who have read it will know when.

51 a book that you found underwhelming

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I know! I'm sorry! I love the movie and bbc miniseries as much as the next hopeless romantic but the book just kind of... didn't live up to it? Reading it you can kind of tell that it is her first novel and certain things are a bit rushed and clumsy. I still enjoyed it, but I was expecting to love it, you know?

55 a book with a satisfying ending

Chronicles of Narnia: The Last Battle. Them dying just felt right to me. Not that I wanted them to die-die of course, but the way that it happens? Yes. It all came full circle and I always found a certain comfort in the way he let them die and stay dead (to our world).

None of this rising from the dead bullshit. Just tell a good story and wrap it up like a neat little bodybag. Only cowards let protagonists rise from the dead. Looking at you JK, yes even when I first read the book.

61 your favourite horror novel

Ok so reminiscing on books I read as a kid has me thinking, one of the books that really had me Scared for real when reading was probably The Witches by Roald Dahl. And like yes, I know, it's a childrens book. But it's a Scary childrens book. And I was a Child. I just remember the horror as he found out he was stuck in a hotel infested with child-eating witches *shudder*

67 your favourite historical fiction novel

Rhett Butler's People by Donald McCaig, I really enjoyed Gone With The Wind, but this published fanfic/spinoff/prequel to that is just so good. It made me care for the characters in a whole new light all over again. And he always was my favourite out of all the original cast so it was nice to have some more ideas about what he had done before Scarlet threw that first vase at him.

68 your favourite piece of classic literature

Can I say Shakespeare here or did it have to be written as books-books? I'm deciding books-books is the premise so I guess I'm putting down Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë. I don't like the ending, but after the book mentioned in #86 a bit further down it is better now. And I think it's the classic I've come back to the most so...

80 a book that reminds you of a loved one

The Demon's Lexicon by Sarah Rees Brennan that @hobbitsus lent me in high school was just a blast to read and I remember it fondly. And the whole story is just so very Her from when we were growing up which adds to the love.

86 a book with an insane plot twist

The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde. Yes again with me bringing in published fanfic of classic works but the whole premise is so good! There are people who can jump into books? There is someone who manages to jump into an original manuscript, thus changing all the copies of the book? There are detectives working on putting the original Jeyen Eyre back into order when this happens to her? And that is the reason the book ends the way it does??? Amazing.

I never quite liked the ending in Jane Eyre, there is this bit that just seems to come out of nowhere to me. In this book? It's because Detective Thursday was there doing whatever she wanted. This fanfic makes the original work better. But the way it twists to do so? 11/10

99 a book with a strong female protagonist

The Deed of Paksenarrion by Elizabeth Moon gives us all that Girl power Asexuality Forge your own path representation and I am here for it. Does the last book feel like the same series as the first book? Not even slightly. But the books are still a fun ride and I recommend anyone wanting to read about a farmer's daughter running away to join the army and then being actually good at her job give it a try.

100 your favourite gothic novel

ok so in like my mind Gothic should be Old. Old as balls. But I will also admit to Wanting to read books that old more than I Actually read them. So I will be cringe enough to just go with Interview With The Vampire by Anne Rice cause that's the book I loved in high school and the internet lets me classify it as goth even if it doesn't feel right

102 your favourite dark academia read

What even counts as Dark Academia though??? I feel like it should be an ancient and heavy-ass tome but most things I read are quite modern? Can I say The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley? Like the book took up a good part of my backpack when I read it in school, that should count for something right?

I liked the way it spanned three generations' worth of stories and all the mysticism going on. It was my first Arthurian fiction as well which felt very Big and Impressive at the time.

104 a fluffy, sweet read

A Hundred Pieces Of Me by Lucy Dillon was a really comforting and nice read that I liked way more than I thought I would when it comes to chick lit. I think of that book whenever I try to pick out a vase now lol

117 your favourite anthology

So do we count fairy tales here or no? Cause I kind of want to say Bland Tomtar Och Troll which is that swedish collection of childrens stories that had the most exquisite art in it and I was especially obsessed with the story about the mermaid Akmea who saved the beautiful sailor, or the one with the kindly white lion who showed up in someones yard.

Sidenote: I went through these old books to find the pictures since google was no help and one has an inscription wishing me a happy 4th birthday, and one has me trying to write my name and it is the most stiltedly awkward penmanship ever and my gosh that's the cutest thing 🥺

118 your favourite short story collection

Hoo.. I don't read a lot of those but when I was in high school they would give out little paperbacks called "Färdlektyr" with assorted short stories and poems and I always looked forward to that semester's edition, does that count?

124 the book you’re currently reading

I started on The Forest Of Stars by Heather Kassner a while back, and realised that the first 5 chapters do not live up to my hopes and so have not read anything since I had to put it down at the end of a lunch break OTL

These were a lot to do in one sitting! I did take a short break for dinner, but otherwise I did do it all in one go, please be happy? :*

[themagnusbane]

GAP The Series Episode 6 Thoughts

Disclaimer. Been drinking all day. So if I don't make any sense, or I sound extra horny, blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol!

Kade in her cheerleading outfit screaming about catching Sam and Mon kissing is giving "I'm very very very upset about this" vibes. And if you don't get the reference, quick! Go play A Cinderella Story starring Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray right now. You're welcome. Lol.

2. Sam, your friends are just teasing you. They've grilled Mon as your future girlfriend, given her a Masterclass in "How to read Khun Sam", and have also helped her get you jealous, which was the push you needed to finally bite her lips and put us ALL out of our collective misery. They know you've wanted to taste every inch of her since you first brought her over. Nobody's buying the "it's no big deal. We are all carnivores biting off lips and noses. It's how we show 'true friendship'" routine.

3. Sam: Everyone kisses those they are close to. It's no big deal.

Jim: Cool. Let me kiss your girl real quick. Since we're close and all.

Also Sam: *Bitch slap*

Girl, YOU ARE NOT SLICK! THEY KNOW! THEY KNOW AND THEY ARE TEASING YOU BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO!!!

4. You go MUMMY!! Lay claim on your girl! Look at baby girl's Mon's face at Sam saying "I'm the only one who can play around with Mon"! Mon’s like shiiiiiiit. I didn't sign up for this. But also that's kinda hot. But also Khun Sam wtf?!!! And you know what Mon? All of your emotions are valid right now.

5. But with all seriousness though. I sincerely hope that someone helps Sam pull her head out of her ass and apologize to her friends. Yes, she doesn't process emotions well cuz of the stunted development she's undergone, having lived with THE WITCH that is her grandmother, but between the pushing of Tee last episode and the slapping of Jim, who is STILL PREGNANT last time I checked... Sam really is just saying "Fuck all! I don't care" isn't she? And we haven't seen any proper apology from her to them, on screen yet. Which...

6. Aaaaaaand this is why Mon is best girl! Look at her putting her foot down and insisting that Sam apologize to her friends. You tell her Mon! A simple phone call after s slap like that, just wouldn't cut it. Sam needs to put in some more effort! Honestly, ngl, if I'm Jim, I would totally make her WORK for my forgiveness. What can I say? I'm a vengeful brat and as much as I would go to the ends of the earth and hell itself for my friends, I expect that the respect me enough to not slap me in the face, no matter the provocation.

7. Gods. Tee is soooo fine. Did I rewind that shot of her by the window, in that black and white striped shirt, an unholy amount of times? Yes. Yes I did. Look at her fingers. How lean they are. How they look holding her phone. Look at that cut of her bangs. Look at the effortless way she's leaning. She can effortlessly just slide into my bed. Tee!!!! LET ME LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

8. There you go! She apologized, and came bearing gifts!! I honestly hope that part of her character development will be that when she monumentally fucks up in the later episodes (and she will because we've ALL seen the trailer), and is begging Mon to take her back, she will come as herself, with just her words and sincerity, and no gifts in hand. Then we will have come full circle, and gods! I love a good grovel moment!! Is it really groveling if you aren't eating gravel? [Does that make sense? it makes sense in my head though, so I hope it makes sense!]

9. Gah! Her finger hearts is so adorable. BE STILL MY HEART!!!!!!! I would have totally folded like a wet paper napkin if that had been me.

10. Jim is totally a better person than me. Cuz I would have totally leaned in and given Sam a big smoosh. It's what she deserves for that "consider it a lakorn" apology! Although not gonna lie, all that soft kissing, got to me. Dammit! Have my friends and I been doing apologies wrong?? Is it really an apology if there's not just a teeny tiny bit of kissing involved??? Send help! My brain can't process this!!!

11. Hahahaha. That kettle whistling is the sound of Mon's jealous reign. Sam really REALLY needs to thank her friends. The effort they have put in, to help her get, and secure her girl! Ha!

12. I get that Mon is pissed and rightfully so. But, this tantrum she's throwing in the presence of her coworkers will just cue them in faster that she and Sam are dating. Like girl, use your sense. You are at work right now. Cut that shit out!!!

13. Just when I think Sam can't get anymore adorable, she pulls this tattoo rhyme and dance routine that is making me lose my shit! Look at her pretty gorgeous face. Argh!!! Khun Sam. This is why you own our hearts. Forever!!

14. You see that Sam? You are not the only one with a monopoly on being jealous! You tell her Mon!!! Make her work for it!!!

15. There you go Mon my love. Lead Sam into admitting that you are different. You are special. You are beloved. Cuz we both know your girlfriend is a little slow on things that involve her desires, and wants. Once again, FUCK THE WITCH THAT IS HER GRANDMA!!!

16. Girlllllll!!! What do you mean by you're sisters??? Do you kiss your sisters with that mouth?? What in the incestous fuck???? See what I mean??? Every facet of Sam's emotional constipation can be laid at the feet of the witch that raised her. Urgh!! Sisters my ass!

17. The Lord is TESTING me!! Girl! HOW ARE YOU SAYING EVERY OTHER WORD BUT GIRLFRIEND???? That's what Mon wants you to say. You wants you to think of her as YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!! Mon, my love. I extend my condolences to you sweetheart. It looks like you really picked a troublesome one. Cuz what in the...

18. Her little competitive spirit. Sam, my love! I can never stay mad or frustrated with you for long. Gah! Everyone, let's collectively say a prayer for poor Mon. How on earth would she ever be able to resist Sam's little pouting moue? Or the little fist bump she does when she wants to win.

19. Ha! She's spotted Kirk, in his clandestine meeting with our lady of lying lips. I KNEW THAT HE CAN'T STAY HIDDEN FOR LONG. Now watch him somehow convince Mon to keep it a secret from Sam, which we all know wouldn't backfire at some point, causing Sam to lose faith in Mon. Right? Right?

20. Urgh! Say what you will... But Nita's turned eyefucking into an art form. Look at her turning all that focus on Mon! So sorry Ms. Nita. Mon's hopelessly in love with Sam and won't give you the time of the day. I on the other hand, can be convinced to make terrible life choices, and you will be a bad decision I will never forget.

21. Oh Chin. Khun Sam isn't after her throat anymore. She's after her mouth. Those boobs. Her thighs. And the heaven between said thighs.

22. Mon. Sweetheart. You're adding both your girlfriend (almost, anyway) and her fiance to your Facebook???? And you don't think this will backfire at some point???? It's not occurring to you that this is a very very bad idea???

23. I love how food is their love language. Sam's go-to for solving any problem with Mon is to just offer to buy her food, and you know what? Valid. I too turn to food for a lot of my emotional comfort. And now I'm hungry. Urgh!

24. Bought this and that my ass! Girl did you clear out the ENTIRE supermarket????

25. Oh no! The minute her parents were like "absolutely" go up to her room and everything, I died. Because all I could think of was the Khun Sam shrine Mon has going up there, and sure enough, Sam's found EVERYTHING!!!!

26. Urgh Mon! Couldn't you have left us with a little more of that caging? Let us sink into it properly, before you break the spell by reaching for a reason why you've been avoiding Sam, that isn't the truth? Which is that you are in cahoots with Kirk to keep vital information from her, and it's making you feel guilty, hence why you're doing all of this???

27. The hand to the jaw??? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCk!!!

28. Fghghjgjhgjhghjgjhghjghj. I sooooo knew this was going to happen. Rofl. Mon was talking about the emotional capacity of a dog to love, ergo "love me Khun Sam. That's what I want us to be to each other. I want to be the person you love, unconditionally and without restraint."

What Sam hears instead: "Get on your knees and bark, woman!"

29. Sam makes the cutest dog though. Gah!!! Look at those eyes!!! And that perfect moue of her mouth!! Can you all tell that I'm OBSESSED with Sam's mouth? OBSESSED!!!!

30. That kiss!!! That kiss!!! The lip bite. The hand grip! The ravishing her in her childhood bedroom. The heat of the moment, against the soft pink innocence of the room. I LOVEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

31. DID YOU ALL CATCH THAT??? YUKI ASKING IF TEE'S ALSO PREPARING FOR JIM'S DANCE???? YESSSSSS!! I called it!!! Tee's already sunk her teeth into that girl!! How can anyone resist my butch Queen? It's just not possible. Not when Tee looks like THAT!!!!

32. Tee's suit. FUCK ME! FUCK. ME!!!! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

33. Sam looks soooo happy and cute. Look at her little dances. Khun Sam, you're doing amazing sweetie!!!!

34. Mon Girl! You nearly slipped up there. And you think adding him on Facebook wouldn't have your secret slipping out? Ha!

35. Kirk. Whatever you're planning, DON'T DO IT!!! Don't even think about doing it! And don't trick Mon into helping you. URGH!!! I HATE THIS!! This is soooo going to break her heart isn't it? I'm not ready for the pain!!!

36. Aunt Weena. No matter how "Good looking" you think Kirk looks with Sam, she looks even BETTER with Mon, and that's a fact! Urgh! I really hate all this pressure, and I KNOW Kirk is about to do something I will absolutely hate as well. Fuck!!

37. OMG!!!! YUKI AND TEE ARE MATCHING!!! YUKI AND TEE ARE MATCHING!!!! Look at Tee's shirt. It's the same colour as Yuki's dress. THEY ARE MATCHING!!!! My secondary ship is sailing y'all!!! You know what? If I can't have Tee for myself, I can reluctantly share her with Yuki, cuz my girl also deserves happiness.

38. I really REALLY love this friend group. The way the conversations segues from heterosexual coupling and marriage to "Yo! Mon! How did Sam confess her feelings to you?" is giving me LIFE!!!!

39. OMG!!! Sam's pleased smile at Mon catching the bouquet! Be still my heart. Oooof. Imagine if the show finds a way to gift us a Sam and Mon wedding in episode 12??? I WILL SCREAM!!!!

40. Urgh! Kirk. How like a straight man to interrupt when the sapphics are eye-fucking and all mushy with emotions, to center himself in the moment. Urgh!!! Fucking Kirk!

41. Hold up. Is this motherfucker trying to propose??? HOLY SHIT! He really is proposing. Firstly, HOW DARE YOU??? Secondly, you piece of shit. Why the fuck are you proposing at someone else's wedding??? Why are you making the moment that is meant to be about Jim and her husband, about you? What in the actual FUCK???? Can y'all tell that I HATE, HATE proposals at weddings? It just reeks of selfishness and bad manners. Jim is a better person than me cuz I would have walked straight up to his ass and told him NOT AT MY WEDDING YOU NARCISSISTIC PIECE OF SHIT! URGH!!!

42. I also REALLY REALLY hate public proposals. It's manipulative AF, and relies on the crowd to get you to force the other person's hand to accept your proposal, and I hate it!

43. Urgh! URGH! I hate this ending. I hate it. Mon my darling. My baby girl. You don't deserve this. And the preview for next week's episode?? Looks like we're prepping for even more pain. FUCK!!!

[black-nirvanna]

JJK 261

I'm just gonna write a rant about the most recent chapter because I have some thoughts that I wanted to get off my chest. So, there's going to be some spoilers below. And if your heart can't handle it right now, you can just keep scrolling.

I wrote down all my thoughts in my notes app so I didn't miss anything because this is all I could think about driving to work this morning (they were written down at stop lights by the way there wasn't any texting and driving) and so I could organize them in here. I feel the exact same that I did after 236 which is such an odd feeling it feels like Groundhog Day or something.

The general consensus seems to be that everyone is pretty much upset about it, which yeah because what the fuck just happened. However, every time there is a critique of Gege's writing I noticed there's always this loud quarter of the fandom of contrarian, toxic, anime bros that tell anyone that critiques Gege or the story that they just doing understand his 'genius' and are just upset that their fav is dead. Which is partially true but the choices that gege has made so far, this one in particular, have been ridiculous. They also bring up how people want new and original stories but are upset when they get it with jjk. But just because its different doesn't mean it's good.

And they're like this with everyone but it's much more egregious when they interact with any Gojo fans. Any critique is just 'cope'. I can't help but feel like this is a symptom of, of course, misogyny and things that are loved primarily by women are usually shit on. Like if Gojo's fanbase was mostly men, I don't think they would be talking to them like they're incapable of understand Gege's writing or that they are being over-dramatic or 'cope'

The people who are praising this as Gege's 'genius' were also the same people who wanted Gojo written out of the story to further the plot and let other characters shine. But somehow him being used as basically as a human mecha is different and okay. Like we've literally come full circle back to the original Gojo/Sukuna fight basically. And for what? For Gojo's body to be mutilated (again) and for Yuta to maybe die in the next two chapters. This whole chapter just had me sick to my stomach. And it definitely put a poor taste in my mouth the way Gojo's potential comeback was used to bait and switch a significant portion of the fans like this.

I'm also, like lots of people I've seen, will be taking a break from the manga for now (I could also very much be lying lol). There's just nothing really motivating if we’re getting the 'everyone dies and Yuji's left alone' ending. And also the manga is very emotionally taxing so I think it’s good to pull back a little.

Anyways this was long and rambly. Thanks, if you made it this far and to my fellow Gojo girlies I hope you're doing alright and taking some time to yourself. It'll be okay💕

Also, this is totally not me writing this at my desk rn:

[cosmicdreamgrl]

thank you so much steph 🥺 we both know how time consuming a comp set is to make so i keep it very close to my heart that you took the time to do that for me!!! and it’s SO GORGEOUS and VIBRANT and perfect actually! more tags to come 😘 i love you! 💓💘💗🩷 i hope you have a good week!!!!

kayla my sweet, you don't have to thank me; as much as comps are a lot of work? i quite enjoy making them, heck, the very first thing i made for you was a comp so we've come full circle lol. fun fact: i almost chose green for this because duh, it's your favourite colour but then i remembered that you already made one for yourself so we switched gears but i'm super happy with how this turned out

i'm so happy to see how much you love it, that's all i wanted at the end of the day. also looking forward to the rest of your tags, i like seeing people break stuff down so that's a given. i love you so much, i hope you have a fantastic birthday and enjoy your weekend celebrations too. take care as always 💕

[sigridhawke]

IMMA DO IT Kann: 🖊️🐈💘😞 Enfer: 😖🎮🤍🔺

YEAH YOU WILL!!! Details about OCs ask for our beloved Crimson character just for you!

Also cause I haven't shared any art of them yet and this is my dear co-author coming in with the great asks about characters we've been obsessing over over the weekend.

Enfer on the left, Kann on the right.

Kann:

🖊️ BALLPOINT PEN — does your oc have any tattoos? do they want any (more) tattoos?

Under the armour/sleeve of his right arm he has a full sleeve tattoo that is a mix of elven and dwarven stories and how Greater Ekatha came to be. He got it because it reminds him of his roots and what the kingdom stands for. It's not in colour, just a very pretty lineart.

🐈 CAT — does your oc prefer a wide circle of friends or a few close friends?

He has a pretty large network of friends, he’s one of those people others would direct you to cause he’s bound to know someone. He has a couple close friends but in general he is happy to just move from social circle to social circle.

💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?

The people of Greater Ekatha mean everything to him. Not just those born there, but the people who come from afar to stay for a short time or a long while. Much like the Princess he desires a world where everyone is free to travel and intermingle as they please and celebrate the life they have. While many in Vespera think themselves above the Elvendwarves of Greater Ekatha he considers them all family too and makes fairly regular trips to the sunless kingdom.

Arguably Enfer is one of the most important individuals to him, while he tries not to play favourites, Enfer absolutely gets a lot of special treatment from him. If Enfer desires something he strives to find a solution to not compromise his morals while also meeting the faun’s needs.

😞 DISAPPOINTED FACE — does your oc attract others, or do they tend to be left alone?

Part of the reason Kann ended up being put into a position of power is cause he can befriend pretty much everyone. He’s that friendly neighbour that will bake you some bread and say hope you have a good day as you head out to work. He does thrive in that environment, he loves being around people. He just doesn’t feel cut out to run a kingdom politically but that’s what Enfer is there for lol.

Enfer:

😖 CONFOUNDED FACE — is your oc an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert? do they let people in easily, or are they more reserved?

Ambivert! Before he lost his standing as leader of the fauns he let people in much more easily, but after being challenged for the right to lead right before an important council meeting that would hopefully end in treaties signed to prevent war, he became much more reserved and cautious. Being Greater Ekatha tho and aiding Kann politically has made him much more cunning but also the general atmosphere of Greater Ekatha and what it stands for has been bringing him back out of his shell. Mostly he live vicariously through Kann when it comes to social interactions.

🎮 VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER — what are three of your oc’s favorite hobbies?

- He loves experimenting with different tea blends. Between Greater Ekatha and Vespera there are a lot of different flora to try. With the Wildlands close by too it's just a goldmine. He often brings a new blend for Odin and Thane to try when he and Kann travel to Vespera.

- Practicing sword fighting. Not something he needs so much in Greater Ekatha, but it was something he took a lot of pride in when he traveled between the three faun settlements.

- Being on the water. Not swimming necessarily, but he loves just being on the water. Thankfully you can take a gondola from one side of the kingdom to the other. It is something he misses from his time in the settlements was being on the ocean so often. He loves the smell of the sea, the warmth of the sun, the feel of water against his legs.

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc’s neutral/questionable traits?

- Enfer plays into the ‘poor damaged faun’ role which wasn’t hard when he showed up to Greater Ekatha hornless, bloodied, face and body gouged. But for 16 years he’s kept up this ruse, letting people believe he has been broken by the experience and Kann keeps him close because he needs that support/is too weak to look after himself.

-  Enfer is greedy and bitter, but mostly greedy. While he had the best intentions to keep the fauns politically neutral, he did very much enjoy the power and once he lost that he found a way to get it back by working with Kann. He is also greedy for Kann's attention and is prone to jealousy given Kann is very blatantly a people person and beloved by all.

-  in the words of my co-author: gaslighting, gatekeeping, girlboss

🔺 RED TRIANGLE POINTED UP — does your oc know how to use any weapons?

- Like many fauns their horns/antlers are their prime weapons. Horns being stronger but if they break they don't grow back, antlers being weaker but more dramatic and more likely to grow back if broken. Because of this fighting/challenging for leadership often includes weapons too. Enfer is particularly versed with a sword. 

[triviareads]

I just read my first Grace Callaway book. I love it. I was wondering if you could suggest your favourite titles?

lol the short answer is All Of Them but I'll give you my favorites:

Her Husband's Harlot: The OG, the classic. You can tell it's Grace's first book because it's a little clunky but honestly, a solid plot: Nicholas freaked Helena and himself out on their wedding night and ran out because he thought he was going to destroy her with his dick, and when he goes to a brothel, Helena follows in disguise and unwittingly seduces her own husband... who thinks she's a prostitute.

Her Wanton Wager: Percy, the heroine, is actually so great— she loves her disguises (though Gavin sees through all of them— is he even a hero if he doesn't?), has zero sense of self-preservation, and is a bit of a brat. Gavin is your classic underworld gambling hell owner who has beef with her family and is out for *revenge*... which he agrees to holds off on as long as he doesn't seduce her.

The Duke Who Knew Too Much: Another murder mystery; this one involving Alaric's ex who died in front of him and he's the main suspect. Emma already has hella beef with him (she's convinced due to uh, certain things he was doing to his ex, that Alaric is guilty). Anyway, in order to prove his innocence Alaric pulls the *genius* move of kidnapping her and taking her to a sex club to be a voyeur so if this is the sort of crazy shit you like in your historical romance, would absolutely recommend.

The Viscount Always Knocks Twice: Violet and Richard's dynamic is very similar to Lillian and Westcliff's; you have a spirited, "spunky" heroine and a proper, deeply repressed hero. There's a murder. There's a mystery. There's aggressively shoving men into blood-red champagne fountains. What more could you want?

Fiona and the Enigmatic Earl: It's Nicholas and Helena's son! How full circle we've come (in a variety of excellent ways). But yeah, Fiona is a part of a secret crime-fighting girl group (Lady Charlotte's Society of Angels) and wants to continue that without being limited by her parents, so she proposes a marriage of convenience to Hawk, and it goes from there. Probably one of the best variety of sex acts I've read in a historical romance.

Glory and the Master of Shadows: Wei and Glory have my heart. She's so sweet and a little awkward as the only unmarried friend in her group, and she's down bad for Wei, who also becomes her teacher (so.... the student/teacher vibes in this are STRONG). And Wei is a really unique hero in terms of Grace books— he's a lot calmer (and dare I say, a little stern?) but the trauma runs deep in that one and his chemistry with Glory is EVERYTHING.

[kmp78]

"I disagree with bad comments and rumours about him. I think he's very reserved, sweet, and funny. He loves to keep his life private, and I don't blame him."

💯 anon. People love to talk shit about others who have things they're jealous of.

Young J was always so gracious and excited when people came to shows. Despite already having an established Hollywood career, he was very down to Earth and chatty with fans.

Emo J was a total goofball and you could just see in his face how much being on stage meant to him. He was sweet and came out of his shell a bit.

Hawk J had been through a lot to keep his career moving forward. But he remained charismatic and really got into the crowd. He gave show after show his all. And there were a lot of them!

There MAY have been a time or two when tall spikey-hair J took things a little too far and sounded like a dick in the process. That doesn't mean he turned into one per se. We've all had a not so flattering period, the important thing is to not stay in it.

Green hair J got the emotional shit kicked out of him. Rumor after rumor and the hurtful comments about his Joker. I'm sure it stung. He came back blonde with a chip on his shoulder, and yet he was still open and funny with those who had been supportive of the band.

Jesus J received a complete 180 treatment in Hollywood. He remained humble and reserved for most of his speeches and honestly got even funnier on stage. He also got one hell of an ego boost and that was reflected in the stripping lol. Yet he still sang to kids and crowd surfed and continued trying to bring joy and humor to shows.

Gucci J admittedly went off the rails a bit. But I adore his shy reaction on Ellen when she asked about him being naked and he totally blushed. He put on a great front of being some super confident model, but if you look past the ridiculous outfits, he was still very much a jokester and a nerd.

Mega beard J totally went out of his comfort zone traveling with strangers across the world and flash mobbing for crowds. He opened himself up to others to get them to open up to him. And everyone started to get more of a glimpse into his life.

Grandpa J is my favorite. He's come full circle. He's back to being gracious and excited with his crowd. He's playful and charismatic. He's back to meeting with crowds and just talking after shows. He's maintained the stripping confidence but is self-conscious about aging. And I love how he's sharing more and more of his personal life and joys with everyone.

I'm not who I was 5, 10, 15 years ago and neither is he! And if I had people constantly touching me and stopping me to take pictures or ask for hugs I guarantee I wouldn't be as gracious about it as he is! People forget that he didn't originally plan on being a well-known celebrity. For someone who wants the shadows but is constantly in the spotlight, I think he's great!

"HE REMAINED HUMBLE" 💀

[shawnjacksonsbs]

All my cards ARE on the table, and I'm still following my dreams like a dreamer, plus a bonus - 2 opening "quotes." 7-29-23

"You know a dream is like a river

Ever changin' as it flows

And the dreamer's just a vessel

That must follow where it goes

Trying to learn from what's behind you

And never knowing what's in store

Makes each day a constant battle

Just to stay between the shores

And I will sail my vessel

'Til the river runs dry

Like a bird upon the wind

These waters are my sky

I'll never reach my destination

If I never try

So I will sail my vessel

'Til the river runs dry

Too many times we stand aside

And let the waters slip away

'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow

Has now become today

So don't you sit upon the shoreline

And say you're satisfied

Choose to chance the rapids

And dare to dance the tide"

. . .

"I'm much too young to feel this damn old

All my cards are on the table with no ace left in the hole

I'm much too young to feel this damn old" - both from Garth Brooks

Because . . .both are . . .they just are.

Now, I'm allowed to vent.

Oh ye(s) of little faith.

I always got this. How many years you seent me do . . .me and get through?

I am built for this because I know healthy, constructive ways to deal.

Trust that.

Peace and joy are always waiting for me just on the other side of my internal struggles when several trifficult days hit in a row, whether it's work, or home, or family.

On a different note,

Little house on the Prairie season 8, episode 11.

Yep, we've finally made it full circle. From reading the Little House Christmas stories back in Dec and searching for the feel goods from the book in the show, we found this episode.

It's the one where they're remembering back to episode 1, which was one of the stories from the book. (Which I'll be reading for Pawpaw's story time again in Dec. Going to make it tradition ✨️ I think).

I had a very tiring, extremely hot day today. I got home at 715pm and was just beat down. But I get to come home to . . .a home, to love, and I get calls from people that just want to say they care, plus pancakes and ham, then finally this episode.

It matters.

It's important.

It's how I take in what I do and how carefully I allow it to overrun the negatives.

I live with more than my fair share of gratitude, and this in the same week that I had an overdraft fee hit my personal account. It was more than 3 times my spend. Lol

Frustrating, but manageable.

It's all manageable.

And in case you forgot since I mentioned it earlier. I do got this. I will continue to.

Because of all the positives in my life, I get to be here even on the days you may think I don't have this, but I do.

Before I close this, I just wish I knew how to get people to feel about life, the way we do about Little House or Christmas.

It's all pretty feel-good special. If living doesn't warm your heart regularly, then you may not be doing it right. Just sayin'.

I picked my closing quote several days ago. It's not exactly a regular quote either, but it's good, real good, and it's from another feel-good movie. My highlighted week brought straight to you filled with feel goods, struggles, love, stress, etc etc.

It feels more to me, for me, but I'm starting to catch on just how regular a life I actually get.

Only difference is that I know how to navigate my ends, so as to never stay miserable, remember? I got this.

Somedays, it's just writing.

Somedays, it's just copy and pasting.

Everydays it's me sharing.

And all days, it's just me sharing . . .me.

And it works.

Keep sharing your love and your laughter with the world around you. Be civil where you fall short of being kind and be kind everywhere else.

Until next week;

Coach Roger Dunbar: Doesn't take much time for corruption to take root, Reverend.

Reverend Shaw Moore: And how long is that, Roger? About as long as it takes compassion to die?

[whiskeyote]

Tala is well on her way to being reliably task-trained! I'm stunned at how fast things are coming together. She's WHIP SMART, the learning phase only takes 2-5 reps before she Gets It, the time spent is all in getting it tighter and working it under distraction etc.

So far she can

- "Pick me up" - she wears an ultra wide collar with a handle, stands astride me while I sit on the floor, she walks forward on cue as I grab the handle and she pulls me to my feet in a controlled manner. (We're still working out some kinks with this one. Occasionally she still gives it too much gas, and occasionally she's tempted to walk in a semi circle towards my "treat hand" instead of forward. I've eliminated the food lure and am rewarding from a stash of treats in a secondary location once I've stood up to help curb this. WIP).

- weight-bearing tasks - she stands astride or in front of me and I can put my hands on her shoulders and push up into a stand from being seated on the floor or the couch. I can also put weight on her in the same way to sit down. She stays perfectly still and waits patiently for her reward. I give her full marks for this task! We've only been working it for about a week.

- "target" on a hard tug - i hold a small, hard tug and instruct her to "target" it. She hits it with her open mouth and spits it out in the same motion. This is groundwork for teaching her how to hold something with a soft mouth instead of giving it her "Beauceron best". Lmao.

- "hold" on a hard tug - we are having a bit of trouble with this one because she either loves to clamp down like her life depends on it or she spits it out immediately because she wants a treat or she squish-chews it. LOL. we're gonna have to work this one in very low-stim settings for a while so that she gets over the fact that it's boring. She has to learn that her reward comes from accepting that fact for a period of less than 5 seconds (to start with). It's not absolutely hopeless, we've had some successes, but I'm noticing she's finding this more challenging compared to the other tasks.

I'm going to be working on teaching her how to counterbalance/push into me when I lean into her/start to fall etc. but I think she's gonna pick that up super fast. Right now her instinct is to sit when she's pushed on, because I can hazard a guess that's how she was taught to sit (groan) but I think once she has her aha! that I'm rewarding for pushing back, she'll forget that association pretty quickly. She likes being physically pushy and I'm sure she'll LEAN IN (hah) to the task at hand.

[vroenis]

The Last Sunday

You certainly look like you have your life together and that's not facetious, I know tone is rough on the internet - sincerity is scary after all (note from the next day: oh-ho-hoooo what a foreshadowing!).

If there's one thing I've become by whatever means, internal or otherwise, it's become more sincere. I have a lot of confidence which is odd. Confidence in some specific things, things I'm fairly sure I know the shape of. The rest - what I'm supposed to do, what I'm able to do, I've no idea. I don't have a template for that and I suspect I know the immediate response to that but I have good excuses, in that they're actually debilitating, not figuratively.

Somewhere back along the road my thoughts have taken tonight was a further meditation on intimacy and ownership, or perhaps the vernacular around it, taxonomy even.

I thought about the love songs I've struck from my collection, the ones I hear that immediately set me on edge;

"... make you mine..."

"... I belong to you..."

"... give myself / yourself..." etc. which is a particularly strange one. The act of giving is meaningful and I'll say in a cursory sense for now, not harmful, but that's not really the application in romantic works.

This sense of possession - and that it's key, important, normal, empowered, central. Etcetera.

I'm not interested in owning anyone. I'm not interested in bring owned. The initial association would be to blunt dimensions of slavery and there's a decent element of truth in that. There's nothing good about enslaving and being enslaved.

Nor is this a "we're all free lol I can fuck who I want" and everything that comes loaded with the concept of monogamy at least how it's most commonly understood and applied. I've not really spent a lot of time in a polyamorous relation but I've high contact with a decent handful of folks who do it full time and they're great, close friends, seem to get on fine with their own challenges no doubt. For purely practical (more or less medical) reasons I don't think I have the energy and bandwidth for it myself so I'm pretty exclusive - also for many other reasons.

But ownership is weird. Utilising it in language as a banner of pride is weird. I don't know, maybe for folks it's normal and maybe that's a significant part of why I don't like it. I've not had a normal life. I've not had access to the same things, the same assumptions as normal folks. Let's be blunt - white cis-het neurotypical folks. Hey it's no slight against any of you and again I'm being sincere - it absolutely isn't your fault that you fit in nicely with the societal norms we've constructed over tone as humans, and today isn't the day for hashing that particular facet of culture our, and what you can do about it etc. You're good. I don't hate the straights.

I believe I continue to struggle with relating to people. This is an odd thing for me to say at this specific time of writing (October 2022) given I'm currently experiencing a rapid but I think firm expansion of my social circle. Nevertheless I do think it's tied to the way I position myself when considering romantic intimacy. I pretty much begin from the same position;

- - assume I'm not welcome, will not be treated with generosity and difference, make no assumption of mutual intention, diminish my presence as much as possible...

... unless the other person makes an effort to clearly communicate and display affirmative behaviour and intent - -

Is that an Autistic thing? Is it a queer thing? Bipolar? The combination thereof? Is it a defensive position taken up by being an outsider regardless of why?

I don't know what signals I'm supposed to be sending romantically. Something about that doesn't sit right with me. Decletations or even suggestions, uninvited and not mutually initiated feel entitled and intrusive. I'm demonstrating my intentions on the assumptions not only that they're welcome, but that they're reciprocated. What a fucken dick move, honestly. I don't understand how that's kind, respecting, mutual and empowered in any way.

So I operate platonic friendships much the same way scaled back from there. If you don't demonstrate to me that you want my time, I assume you don't... which is fine and very normal. I figure most friends I make happen more or less mutually by us displaying and demonstrating an interest in one another, on casual levels first, then with increasing intimacy. Slowly sharing more interpersonal and intersocial elements of our lives, remembering, taking particular note of, and displaying knowledge of one another - treating with difference.

Scaling back up, for most of my life that's been my developing understanding of romantic intimacy, how I understand it. There's no withholding, there's no provocation of risk, there's no game, there simple is or is not engaged and either state is fine.

Ownership/possession seems to disempower that.

Assuming that I have rights regardless of mutual consent, is to me a horrifying concept. Giving someone rights and privileges to the extent of diminishing autonomy is equally as horrifying.

My understanding of how I love, and how I'm interested in being loved, what I want - what I expect - is that it's a choice. A set of actions, behaviours, access and privileges granted with mutual empowerment, that any one person can freely withdraw from at any time.

Sure, there are some really good social structures like respect we can load onto that, as in, when you want to leave, you hopefully respect the other person enough to declare what's happening... by the same token, if the other person is abusive, you hopefully respect yourself enough to know you don't owe them anything and you take care of yourself in the safest way possible (I know, heaps to unpack about that but there's a lot of great writing around if you look for it and much better than I could discuss here).

A while back I wrote that happy endings were for straight, neurotypical people and I stand by that. I know the shape of things that make me happy when I'm on my own but shared happiness is something I've decided has value and it's incredibly rare. When I'm in the midst of a depressive cycle, I deploy a frame that states "I don't know what happiness is // I don't remember what happiness is" and in the place where I am, it's very true.

I have more to say but it's late and I'm tired.

[tuiyla]

Do you like any het/mlm ships? /gen

Like with wlw I don't actively ship much but I have liked many over the years. My very first ship was Yue and Sokka from Avatar, though I like Sokka with Suki as well. After that and Bubbline, the Doctor and Rose from Doctor Who were my third ship. Do not judge lol they had a great story. Another het ship I could highlight is Amy and Jake from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I've casually enjoyed many over the years but these are the main ones I think.

As for mlm, I mostly get really into animated shows and the medium has been great for queer women, it hasn't caught up with queer men yet. I liked Benson and Troy in Kipo but that whole show felt so brief, unfortunately. It deserved more hype. I'd also highlight Charlie and Nick from Heartstopper but I hardly need to introduce them to anyone lol. To round out the top 3 I'd say Klaine, as a casual enjoyer. Actually make that four by adding Jack and Ianto from Torchwood, as much as the ending of that hurt. Did you know the shrine in Cardiff is alive an well, often covered in bi pride flags? Good times.

Even more so than with wlw ships I'm very much just a general enjoyer of stories and kind of an all or nothing when it comes to being really into a ship. I reserve the phrase "I ship xy" for very few things but I enjoy a variety of good dynamics. I guess that's what matters most, a good story.