#i love this album so fucking much

[geewaysgreendayhoodie]

she's sweet as battery, man I got nothing

you kiss and enemy's hands, I got nothing

we got an animal band and that's something

it's not love if it's just fucking

[ragingsagittarius]

this is a tell me im alive appreciation post

[epersonae]

I promised a couple of people in the comments that I would write up my thoughts on the relationship between for the benefit of all the broken hearts and the Carly Rae Jepsen album The Loneliest Time, and as a way of dealing with some wicked writer's block, here it is. (below the cut, because long, and I know only a few followers/mutuals are likely to be interested. also: spoilers for my fic, if you are interested in it but haven't read/finished.)

fwiw, even if you have no interest in this particular fic, I highly recommend the album, it's great!

So I wrote most of this fic while listening to this album: I was looking for some good background music, I wanted some pop music, and I had listened to it once and thought it was pretty good, so I put it on. And THEN it turns out most of the album hits the Themes and Motifs I was playing with, and I became obsessed. (Tidal continues to let me know, month after month, just how obsessed.) And CRJ became an ingredient in the character I was writing, which turned into a great feedback loop of the music and the aesthetic and getting sent interviews, which fed back into the character, etc etc etc.

As I was writing, I ended up with the headcanon that this album is sort of/mostly/not entirely/in a parallel dimension the album that the unnamed protagonist is working on throughout the story. Which in the story, she's written about half an album, quite a bit of which is about her relationship with Ed, and then she's inspired to write new songs by the events of the story itself. In my head, that works with the songs in the real album in the real world, because I think of them as three categories.

I will say that sometimes songs move around in categories in my head, or I've thought about their relationship to the story in different ways over time, which is part of the experience of mostly listening to a single album for seven months. (Apologies to my neighbors, I guess? Or anyone who has ridden in my car.)

Songs that have nothing to do with the story

If this is the album in the story, these are songs she wrote before the story that are not related to her relationships, they're just songs.

Beach House - although a song like this is directly referenced, I think a couple of times? She redirects the interview in the final scene by talking about something like it, a song inspired by terrible online dating experiences, which I think is something I heard in a CRJ interview about Beach House.

Bends (which is apparently a song CRJ wrote about grief from losing a family member) - the chorus is very vibes but it doesn't hit anything in particular

Western Wind - likewise vibes but not story

Shooting Star - I do love this song, but yeah, not part of the story

Pre-WFU (or at least pre-story) songs about Ed

These are also songs she came into the studio with, but they are specific to her relationship with Ed, and a particular conception of them that she has in her head. I am agnostic about whether she wrote them entirely before WFU, or in the gap during/after when she didn't know about those events.

So Nice - this is the song re: Ed; it's the song she can't quite get in the studio after meeting Mary, the song she remembers writing while watching him, the song she can finally record properly after things are more resolved. (Yeah there is a direct reference, I happened to be writing a particular bit of chapter 9 while it was playing, and decided to do something silly.) This song inspired a lot of how I thought about her feelings about Ed, too.

Surrender My Heart (this is the song that gave me the title) - altho this one I can sometimes see either way, as something she came in with or as something she wrote as it happened?

Sideways

No Thinking Over The Weekend

Songs from the story

These are the songs that she writes over the course of the story, and that as I listened to them, had extra resonance for writing the story. Some of them I associate strongly with particular chapters or sections, or I have strong visuals in my head for them. I tend to imagine her writing them as if thinking from the perspectives of the other characters, too.

Bad Thing Twice - if listening to "So Nice" is the "oh this is her and Ed's song" breakthrough moment in my writing process, this is the "HEY IT'S A WFU SONG" that cemented this album as going with this story. It works so well it's a little spooky tbh. Sometimes I think of it as Ed to Stede or vice versa, but it's also tasty to think of it with her and Mary too.

Talking to Yourself - late in the draft process I solidified that this is the first of the songs that she writes over the course of the story, the couplet that comes to her while taking a break from recording. I tend to think of it also as Ed to Stede, and something of the vibes that she's absorbed from that first chapter with Ed and then from talking to Mary and briefly encountering Stede.

Joshua Tree - speaking of Mary, this is THE song for her and Mary, which is partially the painting references, partially the California driving vibes, partially the lines "California dreaming's never what it seems/But here it comes, I know what I must do now".

Go Find Yourself or Whatever - so I have this scene in my head that I will probably never write, of the foursome sometime after the story going out to karaoke, and ofc some of her songs are there, and Ed and Mary sing this as a duet while staring directly at Stede, who is attempting to disappear under a table.

Keep Away - conversely, this is very much Stede's song, all the way through, and I'm always [bites fist] about "I'm keeping company [...] with all the friends I got from you" in the context of Roach being part of the comedy show scene.

Far Away - not a strong association, but it makes me think of her realizing that she hasn't really known Ed, and in some ways wanting to start over. So a little bit chapter 1, even, and a little bit chapter 10, I think.

Anxious - I think I rotated this through lots of different feelings, and eventually settled on the whole chapter 13 situation, and Ed and Mary, and it's something about the energy of it and also "ooh, boy, you've got a reputation"

Special category: The Loneliest Time

There's two aspects to this: in the story, she's writing it in chapter 11 specifically, so between Berlin and Los Angeles, and it's a duet, and I got to bring in some ambiguous famous male singer (theories and headcanons welcome) that is a bit of a foil and context for her in that and in the following chapters in the recording studio.

But also, at some point very early on, it struck me that if I did this thing successfully -- that is to say, if I fixed it in a way that I personally would recognize as fixed, it would feel like the way The Loneliest Time sounds.

By which I mean: something about the interweaving of the vocals and the depth of the sound and the chord progressions (I think? it has been 1000 years since I did anything with music) and the lyrics and the whole vibe of it. Something about it feels like a resolution, even if it's not perfect or final, it's settled into a new place, one that's hopeful, and that's what I wanted to get to.

(For a while, I thought that if I was able to land it, I would title the fic "The Loneliest Time", but it didn't quite fit - when I made the series for it and A secret third thing and the missing scenes fic I'm working/posting/block on, I decided it works for the set as a whole.)

As a final thought, one of the things I appreciate about this album in relationship to this story is that the songs don't appear to be in a story order. There's no particular story arc or narrative or even necessarily direct relationship between any of the songs. And that worked with the idea that comes up in the final chapter: "It’s not one to one. The story you’re telling isn’t always your story exactly as it is." And before that, when she thinks about putting the music out into the world and it become part of other people's stories.

There's something about that, and about how this story relates to a lot of personal things in a similarly non-linear way, that makes this album feel even more connected to this story.

[sunwarmed-ash]

That part in I Constantly Thank God for Esteban when Brendon sings "we sure are in for a show tonight..." and it like fades out and you can hear the people talking in the background?

reblog if you agree

[i-like-books-and-women]

Guys I'm such a slut for Speak Now like it's a problem

[castorrr]

YCGMA moodboard 🎧

an album is so fucking beautiful yet so sad and full of feeling, and i can’t find the words to describe how much i love it

jubilee line- wilbur soot

[measuredmotion]

🌿🍃oh, folklore, my beloved🍃🌿

[krazeyjay]

SCRREEEAMM THERE IS NOTHING LIKE THIS BAND

[holytrickster]

I WANNA BE LOUD SO LOUD IM TALKING SEISMIC I WANNA BE SOFT AS A SINGLE STONE IN A RAINSTICK...

[transvampireboyfriend]

i rlly wanna work on my fluffy happy steddie week late entries but I can't stop listening to the yellowjackets score 😭😭😭

[larrysblooming]

listening to fitf and it just hit me that i’m going to be hearing one of my favorite albums ever live in just a few short weeks… WHAT THE FUCK IDK HOW IM GONNA SURVIVE 😭😭😭

[riotgrrrlhole]

My new cassette arrived

[elysianymph]

james is very fascinated by muggle cameras. lily and regulus notice this of course and lily pitches an idea: to get james a camera for his birthday. they save up the money they need for a higher quality camera and wrap it up in a fancy box and present it to him on his birthday. the smile james gives them is worth every penny they spent.

they expected the obsession that came after. james took his camera everywhere, always taking pictures, not just of the the scenery or himself, but of his friends and family and most importantly of lily and regulus. what they didn't expect was that james had all of their photos printed and compiled them into an album, decorated it and drew little hearts and stars and flowers on it and wrote down little notes of what had happened the day the photos were taken. he revealed this album to them on their anniversary as a shared gift.

some of the many pictures james has taken of his lovers:

[thekidsarentalright]

u ever think about how the kids aren’t alright is a love song to friendship and pete said favorite record is a love song to the fans, when talking about it he said ‘my favorites always feel a bit off and out of place- maybe that’s why i love you so’ and twin skeletons is a love song to him too, where he said ‘the world doesn’t make sense to me but i’d rather it not make sense when i am lying next to you’, and maybe abap is an album that sings of all the devastation of love but is also bursting at the seams with the potential of love and love that comes to us in unorthodox ways, with all of its possible imperfections and deep devotions. maybe it is our time now if you want it to be, maybe i’m yours when it rains it pours, i spin for you, we could be immortals, if you just hold on. like maybe abap is one of the best most important albums ever do u ever think about it??

[mooneyedcanine]

good etiquette demands i remain soft and accessible in the face of my own ending