#i love this fucking thing and i wish i'd gotten better pictures of it

[myeldritchromance]

Amanda Phingbodhipakkiya || The Primitive Sign of Wanting (2024)

[medicinemane]

I don't know... horrible things happen all around the world and it's not a competition

Atrocities are committed against multiple groups in multiple parts of the world at the exact same moment, and none of them erase each other. They all matter, all the people in this world who are being brutalized matter. There shouldn't be any line you draw where one group doesn't actually matter as much as another

You're welcome to prioritize your energy towards helping one group or another, but what's not ok is invalidating or dismissing people who are actively being harmed

Same goes for trying to figure out which social group has things worst (and lets be honest, always using a US lens)

Like... maybe the important thing is to prop each other up and help everyone get on their own feet rather than trying to... pick fights about if physical disabilities or mental illness are less respected (I'm trying to pick a more absurd example but sadly I've seen exactly that argument happen before). Maybe it doesn't really matter and what matters is helping who we can when we can

I'm tired of it, I'm just fucking tired of it. Support people, champion them when the world is just brutalizing them, but you don't need to throw a single other person under the bus to do that

Which seems to be an absolutely impossible lesson for people to learn

[mypoisonedvine]

100 random dialogue prompts

truly random, there's a mix of angsty and smutty and fluffy in here. as a result it's nsfw and 18+ :)

"who did this to you?"

"where are you going dressed like that?"

"this isn't enough anymore. I need more of you-- all of you."

"I'm not angry, I just get tired of watching you get hurt."

"don't say stuff like that, it gets me all... confused."

"just lie to me, okay? just this once."

"I never said I didn't feel the same way."

"you should go... before someone sees."

"I hate how you make it impossible to hate you."

"too good for you? don't be ridiculous-- they don't deserve you."

"fuck, do that again... please."

"you promise you're going to behave this time?"

"oh please, you knew what you were doing... you wanted to drive me crazy."

"no, it's not over. it's never over."

"so you're saying even if we were the last people on Earth--?" "nope."

"sooo... is everything supposed to just go back to normal after that?"

"you can't ignore me. not anymore."

"it's not what it looks like!" "is that a picture of me?!"

"you really didn't notice that I was falling in love with you?"

"is this really the last time?"

"I'm sorry, I swear I tried, but I just can't get over you."

"do you really think that toy can replace me?"

"don't tell me how to feel."

"forgive me, but I'm not feeling very patient right now."

"you could do so much better than me."

"what would they think if they saw you right now?"

"I didn't know you could be so obedient."

"you can take it."

"you were never my fallback-- I always wanted you."

"yeah, I want to, but... wouldn't it be weird?"

"don't act like you never thought about it before."

"I wish they could all know about us."

"you're the best mistake I ever made."

"no, I don't hate you... I'm angry, but I don't think I could ever really hate you."

"let's just stop now before anybody's feelings get hurt."

"don't get my hopes up if you're just gonna leave like everyone else."

"I can't let it end like this."

"if you do what you're told, you'll get a reward."

"what's gotten into you? you're being so... naughty."

"I think we're on a first name basis by now."

"don't do that... don't act like you don't feel this too."

"it was never just sex."

"I wish I'd met you sooner."

"you can tell me anything."

"why do we have to get out of bed again?"

"I think this is my favorite way to wake up."

"I was already yours."

"there's no way that was just a one-night thing."

"if you can look me in the eye and tell me you want me to go, I'll go."

"has anybody else ever made you feel like this?"

"it feels like we were made for each other."

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and I miss you."

"I have an idea to make them jealous."

"just one more kiss?"

"do you really expect me to believe this is what you want?"

"if you say you're happy with them, I'll believe you. or at least I'll try to."

"I can think of a more fun way you can thank me."

"no, I'm in charge tonight, remember?"

"if you keep doing that, this might end a little too soon."

"hey, you lost the bet, fair and square."

"stop imagining it!" "I'm sorry, but I can't get it out of my head!"

"it's too bad we never did. we would've been great together."

"I never thought I'd hear you talk like that."

"oh, fuck me--" "okay." "what? it's just a figure of speech..."

"were you joking? I wasn't joking."

"admit it: you had a crush on me!"

"I just need you to hold me right now."

"friends can cuddle, right?"

"I wouldn't have picked this for movie night if I'd known it had so many sex scenes..."

"they're great but... they're not you."

"I always thought it would be me and you in the end."

"you're not actually trying to convince me that was a friendly kiss, are you?"

"if you hate me so much, how come you keep coming back?"

"do you remember getting drunk and calling me last night?"

"I'm free tonight if you still need a date for that thing you're going to."

"I'd do anything for you."

"I think I finally get what all those love songs are about."

"it's weird being here again... so many memories."

"I wish you'd give me a chance."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"just come to dinner with me. it doesn't have to be weird."

"seeing you with them made me realize you should be with me."

"just ask yourself for once: what do you want?"

"okay, okay, I'll leave-- as soon as I can find my pants."

"we need to be more careful next time."

"wait, why are you in my bed? did we...?"

"I took you for granted, I know. but I want to treat you right this time."

"kiss me like you mean it."

"keep the lights on, I want to see you."

"is it just me, or does your celebrity crush look a lot like me?"

"we promised we wouldn't let this affect our friendship."

"no, don't cry-- if you start crying, I'll start crying!"

"I want to see my marks on you tomorrow."

"don't act innocent, it's not going to work with me."

"is this really turning you on? I'm not even doing anything."

"come look at the stars with me."

"I lov--" "no, don't say anything. you'll kill the moment."

"what happens next in your fantasy?"

"I probably shouldn't tell you this but... you were in my dream last night."

"why do you still wear the hoodie I left at your place?"

[jessource]

prompts:　prelude to ecstasy by the last dinner party.

here comes the feminine urge, i know it so well.

do you want me, or do you want control?

this is the only thing i know how to do.

i could never live with the guilt of lying.

and lately i've been thinkin', what if i keep sinking?

i hope they never understand us.

even when the cold comes crashing through, i'm putting all my bets on you.

cleanse my soul, make me whole.

she's there when i wake up, at the end of my bed with a smile on her face and a gun to my head.

do what i can to survive.

cause we're a lot alike.

a sailor and a nightingale dancing in convertibles/

i know i'm better off not looking back.

oh, anyone could kill me, and i'd never ever let it be you.

foolish thinking i could have you.

i don't exist without your gaze.

and just for a second, i could be one of the greats.

when i was a child, i never felt like a child.

you could swim in these eyes.

wine is on your blouse.

i wish i knew you back when we were both small.

what i'm feeling isn't lust, it's envy.

hold me, we can't go back.

you can hold me like he held her.

guide me, show me how, and let me be your arrow.

wish i could do without this blood on my face.

i will fuck you, like nothing matters.

time slips away.

to nurture the wounds my mother held.

i will hold your hands to stop them from shaking.

i am not the girl i set out to be.

the best a boy can ever be is pretty.

i fade away.

strike me,  pierce me straight through the heart.

it's my fate to have never seen you.

my darling, believe me, i was born to be with you.

i wish i knew you before it felt like a sin.

if i drown will they make me a star?

you don't wanna hurt me, but i want you to.

how i wish the trees would swallow me, make me a forest, take away my soul.

i'm just a mirror, pretty glass, an empty heart.

i wish that i had the guts–the dignity to put up a fight.

when you laid like a wolf with your head on my lap. i felt like one of those portraits of women protected by a beast on a chain.

i'll leave you flowers, but not my name.

what good are red lips when you're faced with something sharp?

when i put on that suit, i don't have to stay mute.

i'll see you on sunday.

i wish that i let you have the dignity of letting me go.

you smiled so sweetly as you threw me down the rocks.

oh, ballerina bend under the weight of it all.

no one else is to blame.

i wish i could be a beautiful boy.

i have gotten too tall.

when you drown, do they know who you are?

i need to slow my thinkin'.

i want to take your picture.

i'd spend the mornings by your side.

if anyone could kill me, it probably would be you.

is it in this city?

i break apart without your arms.

i wish you had given me the courtesy of staying one more night.

a guard dog there just for her. if only she know that with one wrong move, he'll turn around and tear off her hands.

when i drown, will i get very far?

no i won't speak to you.

forgive me, father, won't you take it back?

let me make my grief a commodity.

break my glass to fix your heart.

burn me.

je ne veux pas penser.

i wish you had given me the courtesy of ripping out my throat.

we're both just addicts.

if it takes all night, i will be on your side.

there is candle wax melting in my veins.

it could take some time, time to talk freely.

he's got letters on his fist: r-i-d-e.

tell me how you're feeling, i'll reflect the reason.

i'd die for you, no questions asked.

everyone will love me!

i wish i didn't want you.

do you want me to care when you just disappear?

failure to commit to the role, i admit was a failure you achieved on your own.

i'll be ceaser on a tv screen, champion of my fate.

ain't it fun to hold the world in your hand?

when you're lying here i believe you love me.

when you drown, they'll forget who you are.

everyone will like me then.

there's nothing for me. here, where the world is small.

i'd break off my ribs to make another you.

i'm only here, for your entertainment.

do you feel like a man when i can't talk back?

[kitkatscabinet]

Paper Rings

Aegon Targaryen ii x lowborn reader

Summary: Aegon Targaryen was a wealthy prince, you'd still marry him with only paper rings

Word count: 1k

Warnings: non explicit sex

The moon is high Like you were the night that we first met

It was no secret that prince Aegon Targaryen was a frequenter of the streets of silk. Drunkenly working his way through every pleasure and ale house within his sights. It was how you'd met the boy, dishevelled and out of his mind, begging you for another drink.

Against your better judgement, you complied with his request. The wine was cold, like the shoulder that you gave him in the street. Somehow the prince had deluded himself into thinking you were interested in becoming his next quick fuck. You had laughed in his face, turning to leave with a condescending pat on the shoulder. With your back turned you didn't notice the look of wonderment on his face at your blatant dismissal.

From there your interactions with the prince became a game of cat and mouse for a month or two or three. You weren't entirely sure why but he would hunt you down every few nights without fail, never even breathing in the direction of another when in your presence.

Rumour had it that the prince hadn't even been seen anywhere near a whore since the night he'd stumbled into your life. And by the third month you had to admit you'd seen a considerable difference in his behaviour, even if you still didn't trust to would stay that way.

He'd been completely sober the first time you'd let him into your bed. You expected to never see him again now that he'd gotten what he wanted, but to your surprise, he was waiting for you once more the very next night. It'd taken a while but now you woke up in the night to watch him breathe.

You wouldn't allow Aegon to sneak you into the Keep no matter how much he begged, and as such he had to come to you. He'd grace your bed with a pout demanding that you "kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night." You'd kiss him twice to prove it was gonna be alright, then three times cause you'd waited your whole life for one another.

The first time he had tried to present you with a gift, a resplendent necklace decorated with emerald's you had refused to accept. He had been upset at your refusal but you had been even more upset at the gesture. Yelling that you didn't need payment to be with him, didn't desire him for his wealth as he seemed to think.

The night had ended in tears from the both of you as you sank yourself slowly down onto his lap, kissing away the tears as his breath shuddered against your neck.

"You know, I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings" you'd whispered into his ear as he lay against your chest. Watching in delight as he glanced up at you like you'd just offered him the entire world.

"Really?" his voice cracked, tears building in his eyes once more.

"Darling, you're the one I want" you promised, fingers gently threading through his hair.

Aegon hated accidents, though he would make an exception for the night that he went from strangers with you to... this. From the moment he had laid eyes upon you, you were the one he wanted. To hear you finally say the same was one of the best moments of his life.

In paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams Oh, you're the one I want.

You'd repeatedly remind him that it wasn't his wealth or status you loved. It was him, just him. Aegon Targaryen, a boy that nobody had truly ever loved.

He wanted to marry you, truly, not just discuss it as a far away dream. Though he knew it would never be possible, and if his mother ever found out like he suspected Otto did he knew you'd be disposed of.

It was that realisation that had him distancing himself. Aegon couldn't stomach the thought of losing himself in whores once more, but as much as he didn't wish to he could still lose himself in drink.

Not even three days passed of him reverting to his old ways, the pre you ways before you hunted him down with a vengeance. He should have known you wouldn't allow his self-sabotage though. You had dragged him back to your hovel, glaring bloody murder at any that got in your way. You hadn't spoken to him, simply sighed before throwing him down on your bed and turning away.

"Why?" you eventually whispered, still refusing to face him.

"My mother, I fear what she'll do to you" he confessed, voice cracking slightly as he moved to embrace you from behind, burying his face into your back. "I want to marry you, more than anything" he promised, "but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happened. I can't give you anything except a life looking over your shoulder, you deserve better."

You finally turned at that, fire in your eyes as you hissed at him. "I don't care! I want your complications. I want your dreary Mondays!"

Aegon crumpled under your stare, clutching desperately at your form in an almost bruising grip.

"You're the one I want" he whispered into your skin before dropping to his knees. "Run away with me. Braavos, Pentos, I don't care. Anywhere but here, and I'll marry you. I won't be a prince, and we can be together. Please." He begged, watching as your eyes widened in complete shock.

"Ok." you whispered back, dropping to your own knees as you nodded rapidly. "You're the one I want" you repeated against his lips, mind whirring as you planned for your upcoming escape. The details would come later, all that mattered was that you had Aegon, he was all you needed.

Taglist: @etherily @psychwardsiren @mihrimahsultan03 @bbyaemond @krispold @hyperfixated-freak @eudximoniakr @deadstarkblacksoull @weepingwitchofthewest @thelittleswanao3 @targeryenmoony

[dovesndecay]

As you said you're open to questions, and I've never seen a "needs space" leash before - is there like, an accepted universal response/behaviour around a dog with such a thing? Like, I know not to bother service dogs, and to respect a therapy dog needing personal space after they're done providing therapy, that sort of thing, and in like, a big park I'd just keep going on my path/sitting where I am/whatevs and trust them and their human to handle the situation as they see fit, because there is the space for them to do so, but what if, say, one is coming towards me on the sidewalk, and thus the space is limited? Should I still continue as normal, or try to provide more space on purpose, maybe by walking closer to the side the dog isn't so their human can be a barrier?

I love my boy, so I'm going to intersperse some of my favorite pictures of him throughout this.

The day he came home vs a year later.

So, Aengus is fear reactive and incredibly anxious around people and animals he doesn't know -- sort of an automatic "I think these people are a danger to me and my human" thought process that means he does great big boofs, and sometimes will lunge at anyone who gets too close.

He was, unfortunately, already traumatized by the time he came to me -- he'd been anemic, stung by wasps, his poor little paws were rubbed raw from walking on hot concrete, and he was terrified of people.

"Too close," for him, generally means within 10 feet, for people he doesn't know well.

I can usually keep him focused on our walks or a specific task ("sit" and "wait" are both ones he's gotten pretty good at) when just passing by people, provided that they ignore us (unless they also have a dog, and then it's, "okay, time to detour to get home faster and without an interaction").

In an ideal world, I would have the money to get him the behavioral training I know he needs, and the supervised socialization time with other dogs I wish he had. I want it for him so much, but... yeah. I lack the money for someone who knows what they're doing, and I'm too disabled to try and DIY it on a consistent enough basis to be beneficial to him. So we muddle through as best we can.

He's my baby, and I love him so so much

When I take him out, the ideal behavior from people in the distance who see the "Needs Space" tag on his leash is that they will simply ignore us. Feel free to privately coo over how adorable he is, and even a friendly wave is fine from a distance. I love seeing people see him and have the "!!!!! I saw a dog!!!!" moment. It makes me very happy!!!

But, in the situation of crossing paths, yes, making it so that the owner is between you and the dog is the best choice. Personally, as the person responsible for my dog, I will usually do that immediately when I see someone coming our direction, and keep the leash tight and him close to me for both their safety and his. But sometimes folks will just see DOG and their self-preservation instinct shuts down with a quickness.

I can't tell you the number of times I've had children old enough to have been taught better just run up to us, completely unbothered by the fact that he is trying to protect me with his big ol' boofs of "get the fuck away" because Oh Cute Dog Trumps Animal Safety. I have to be like, "He's not friendly, sorry sorry sorry" and cut short our morning walks a million times. Which isn't fair to either of us.

he loves rough-housing so much and he makes the best honking sounds

The handful of times I've taken him to one of the local walking paths, I have him sit on the side of the trail, holding him tight in a sit+wait, and having him wait until the other person has passed us. Sometimes, he's very good and not at all interested in the other person. Sometimes, it's more of a fight to keep him distracted.

So, I guess my overall advice is:

"Be aware of the potentially dangerous animal in your immediate vicinity, maintain reasonable and available distance, and take your cues from the owner. Prioritize your own safety, and that of the animal."

Something I wish more people used to inform their behavior around strange dogs -- but admittedly, my dog in particular, is that if someone (or more likely, in my neighborhood, their unleashed and uncontrolled dog 😡) just runs up on Aengus, and he freaks out and bites them, he's the one that dies.

I ask him, "Where's your baby?" and he brings me his lamb-chop. (This toy has since disintegrated, and I haven't been able to replace it, unfortunately.)

So thank you so, so much for asking about this.

Don't get me wrong -- I don't want people to be afraid of my dog; he's a big ol doofus that trips over his own very long legs and sleeps with stuffies.

He learned how to throw his toys at me, and now he refuses to hand them to me when we play fetch -- he just lobs them at me from his mouth. He pounces on his toys like an arctic fox jumps into snow, and sometimes he sleeps like an AT-AT.

See?

But every dog has the capacity to be dangerous, and I wish people would spend more time asking these questions so I can give them the answers that keep them and reactive dogs safe.

[orcelito]

I think I cried harder today over my dad's jackets than I did at his deathbed. That was a miserable time of course, a memory that will likely be seared into my brain until I die, but I cried... I think a normal amount, all things considered. More than I ever usually do of course, but I typically don't cry At All. All this free crying is certainly surreal.

The jackets, though. I was put in charge of doing his laundry, because we don't want to pack up dirty clothes. I was expecting it to be unpleasant bc my dad's dirty clothes - gross. But really, it was much more unpleasant in that... those were his. It felt wrong to touch them. Felt wrong to treat his jackets as gross. Because they were just his jackets. They weren't even in the hamper. And then I was remembering him wearing them, and then I was crying. Again. And again. Weeping over these damn jackets.

Then I found a shirt on his bed that still smelled like him. It smelled like a Hug From Dad. And that set me off crying even harder.

In total, I think I cried like 6 times within 40 minutes. It took me that long to finish sorting the damn clothes bc I just. Was a wreck. Like, what are you supposed to do when you're living life like normal, vaguely hopeful bc you're taking steps to secure your own happiness, and then 4 days later you're sorting your dad's laundry because he fucking died. Suddenly. Without a goodbye.

And you have to worry about his lack of a will (even under an ideal situation, only 2 heirs and no conflicts between us, probate's a fucking Bitch), and arranging the funeral, and prepping his obituary, and picking out pictures, and writing a speech bc you want to talk at his funeral, of Course you want to talk at his funeral, but even just thinking about anecdotes you could share has you crying yet again.

I've cried more times in the past 3 days than likely the entirety of last YEAR. And that's WITH my cat, and uncle, and family friend dying. Those all hurt, my uncle most of all, & I was real fucked up over it. But this? This was my Dad. Likely the person I'd have named 2nd closest to me in my life, second only to my sister. He wasn't perfect, but he did so much for me throughout my entire life. All he wanted was to raise us to be happy and independent. And he accomplished it, we're getting by without him, but we still wanted several more decades with him. He was only 57. We should've gotten several more decades with him.

But here we are now. Playing investigators to his life, digging into all his shit, trying to find documents and take inventory of all his things, and learning Many things about him in the process. In his lockbox of sensitive documents, like his SSN and birth certificate and all that stuff, we found an old letter. About a decade old now, written in my hand. Right at the very top, we found that he'd kept the letter I wrote to him telling him frankly about my struggles and the things I wanted him to do better. He kept it. He tried to take it to heart. He looked at it again, sometime more recently than all the rest of the documents. That was on top.

His love for us is evident everywhere. The pictures he has hanging up all over the place, majority of them with us in them. The old fathers day cards placed on display in his bedroom bookshelf. The gifts we gave him, even stupid little knick knacks, placed around his apartment with pride. I wish we'd taken more videos of him. I don't want to forget the sound of his voice. I don't want to forget his smell either, the smell of a Hug From Dad, but I still tossed that shirt into the wash even though it felt like saying yet another goodbye.

It's the suddenness that hurts the most, I think. We were planning on having him help me finally get my license this year. My final words to him, the last thing he would've seen from me, were messages asking up on whether he'd called his car insurance company to make sure there wouldn't be problems. I should've called him more. I don't know if I'm going to learn from this.

I cut my 2 weeks off early to have time to grieve and to work on things for the funeral and settling the estate. The last thing I'd wanna do right now is selling fucking bubble tea in a job I already decided to leave. So here I am without a job, though with potentially two life insurance policy payouts to come. Inheriting half his 401k. Inheriting couches, knickknacks, keepsakes, paintings, art pieces, maybe even his guitar and other furniture if we can figure out what to do about space (I don't have room for this furniture, I don't know if I even have room for the couches, but God do I want to keep so much of this furniture). It has me even considering keeping one of his guns, just one. A tiny little revolver, it sits so comfortably in my hand. I don't even want to use it for anything. I just want to have it, keep it stored in a drawer with its ammo kept separate. I don't like guns, but this is a part of him. He loved collecting guns. He was about as responsible with them as someone can be, keeping them locked in a lockbox and impressing upon his children the importance of gun safety (I've known the basic gun safety rules ever since I was a little kid. Of course, of course, of course.) It reminds me of him. It's horrifically easy to have a gun in Indiana. I apparently don't even need a permit to carry anymore. (I have no intention to ever carry this in public.)

It's all a cycle. Business, grief, thoughts about my future. Round and round, like the most nauseating carousel in existence. I don't know how I'm still so functional. My skills with compartmentalization have been my lifesaver.

And im just thinking about the story my dad's best friend shared today. About a friend of theirs who lost her father. She reached out after hearing about my dad to share his words with her: "it's okay to grieve, but don't make his death your life".

He explicitly referenced himself in this, saying if he were to die suddenly that he wouldn't want us to define ourselves by it. Grief is expected, but he wants us to be able to move on. He's always wanted us to establish ourselves and make ourselves happy. He wouldn't want to be a weight holding us back from that.

So every time I start to feel guilty for thinking about having nicer furniture or using his life insurance payout to fund the rest of my college, I remind myself of that. Thinking about the material isn't a bad thing. I'm only human. And in the end, he'd Want me to be thinking about it. He never intended to die, certainly not without warning like this, so he would've only encouraged me being pragmatic about it all.

He only ever wanted us to be happy. So I need to do what I can to live up to that.

I love him. I miss him already.

[4ggravation]

acheron for ask game

of course that's who you picked to ask me about. of course (affectionate)

my first impression

my first true impression of her was with the rondo animation because i hadn't gotten to penacony yet (was penacony even out then? my mental timeline is messy). i was immediately invested because if there's two things i love it's fucked up women and fucked up lesbians.

my impression now

SHE MAKES ME SO SICKKKK. i love her so bad. they managed to make a type of character i'm usually not into (the mysterious super powerful one) into something really fun.

favorite thing about that character

i love when her amnesia/forgetfulness slips away for a moment to reveal something much darker. and i love how she's mostly unaware/unknowing of these moments.

least favorite thing

if i'm being fully honest it's her design...... i just don't fuck with it, it could've been so much better. burn the booty shorts and give them to gallagher i mean what

favorite line/scene

when she sends aventurine into the black hole of nihility OUGHHHHH like sorry to be basic but IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD HER DYNAMIC WITH AVENTURINE MAKES ME SICK. also the twisted fucking sickle path portions of the rondo trailer purely based on their aesthetics. they're so well animated i'm still obsessed with them.

favorite interaction that character has with another

as seen above, her conversation with aventurine in the black hole of nihility fucks me UP. her being this avatar of nihilism telling him that there's more to life than just waiting to die AUGHH

a character that I wish that character would interact with more

acheron should've talked more with gallagher imo. idk why, i just think they'd bounce off each other well.

another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

uhhh no one in particular comes to mind?

a headcanon about that character

she'll often mindlessly dig her nails into things, causing them to tear or break. it's an unconscious urge.

a song that reminds of that character

skip, i have no idea as of rn, but i'd be happy to get suggestions.

an unpopular opinion about that character

people should stop giving exclusively ratio credit for helping save aventurine when acheron was just as involved if not more so.

favorite picture

this emote is so goddamn cute.

[angiiiiexx]

Rating all the targaryen in f&b (book only)

Daenys the dreamer 7/10

- saved house targaryen

- predicting the doom is pretty crazy imo

- not really anything other interesting tho

Aegon l, the conqueror 8/10

- pretty cool and interesting

-bwould love to see a conquest show

Visenya Targaryen, the conqueror 10/10

- there's so much stuff about her I'd like to know (her relationship with rhaenys and aenys for example)

- she did so much for house targaryen

Rhaenys Targaryen, the conqueror 10/10

- her death made me kinda sad :(

- her bond with meraxes is so cute

- ancestor to all targaryen (mother)

Maegor l Targaryen 5/10

- was important for the future of their rule

- pretty interesting

- he's a bad person, tho so not a big fan

Aenys l Targaryen 6/10

- he seems like a nice guy but wasn't a good king

- not much to say about him

- his bond with quicksilver was probably cute, similar to his mom :(

Alyssa Velaryon 5/10 (not a targaryen, but I wanted to put her)

- not much about her

- her death made me put down the book

Rhaena Targaryen 10/10

- enjoyed reading about her

- deserved better

- wlw icon

Aegon Targaryen, the uncrowned 7/10

- I really like him

- his death made me sad and looking at pictures of it makes me feel uneasy

- he deserved better

Rhaella Targaryen, daughter of aegon the uncrowned 1/10

- forgot about her

- I do like that picture of her and aerea

Aerea Targaryen 7/10

- her death is the worst thing in f&b imo, made me stop reading for a couple hours

- I really want to know what happened to her (why did she claim balerion, where did they go?)

-very memorable

Viserys Targaryen, son of Aenys 8/10

- he's my fav irrelevant targaryen

- didn't know he existed until he died but his death stuck with me

- deserved so much better

Jaehaerys l Targaryen 6/10

- great king but bad father

- reading abt him bored me as he got older

- I wanted to know more about alysanne

Alysanne Targaryen 8/10

- liked her a lot

- deserved better

Daenerys, daughter of Jaehaerys 6/10

- she was cute and her death shocked me

- bonus points for the name

Aemon Targaryen 9/10

- he would have been such a great king (even better with baelon as hand)

- deserved better

Baelon Targaryen, the spring Prince 9/10

- would have also been a great king

- him and alyssa made me giggle, they're so cute

- I love his and aemon's relationship

- deserved better

Alyssa Targaryen 10/10

- her personality stood out to me

- she's so silly I love her

- I wish she hadn't died (baelon would have definitely gotten his own little army)

Maegelle Targaryen 1/10

- I forget about her

Vaegon Targaryen 0/10

- he's boring and I hate him

- was an asshole and a maester 🤢

Daella Targaryen 7/10

- not much about her

- her marriage and death made me cry a little, idk why (she deserved so much better)

Saera Targaryen 6/10

- I liked reading abt her

- made me dislike jaehaerys

- she and viserra remind me of my younger sister for some reason

Viserra Targaryen 6/10

- I kinda forgot abt her until her death

- I felt bad for her

Gael Targaryen 6/10

- irrelevant

- her death is so tragic tho

- she deserves better

Rhaenys Targaryen, the Queen who never was 10/10

- my queen (fuck you jaehaerys)

- I enjoyed her character a lot

- her death was sad but also kinda cool

Viserys l Targaryen 5/10

- he was okay

- let the dance of dragons happen

- other than that he had a pretty solid reign

Daemon Targaryen 7/10

- very interesting to read abt

- has his flaws and weird aspects

- his death is so fucking cool, if I was a dragon rider and I would want to die like that

- can't really decide whether I actually like him or not

Aemma Arryn 6/10

- not much abt her but she made me sad

- her dying like her mother was so cruel

Laenor Velaryon 5/10

- I don't remember much abt him

- gay icon

Laena Velaryon 10/10

- she's really interesting and I like her a lot

- her friendship with rhaenyra seemed so cute

- I was excited about her getting adapted, I wanted to know more abt her

Rhaenyra Targaryen 9/10

- my queen (fuck you hightowers)

- I felt so bad for her

- did not deserve any of the things that happened to her

Aegon Targaryen, the elder 0/10

- rapist and usurper

Helaena Targaryen 3/10

- I forgot abt her until b&c, then forgot abt her again until she died

- deserved better

Aemond Targaryen, the kinslayer 0/10

- misogynistic piece of shit

- feel kinda bad abt the eye tho

Daeron Targaryen 4/10

- had like one interesting line

- was disgusted by what happened at tumbleton

- that the only thing I remember abt him

Baela Targaryen 9/10

- she's so cool

- I want to see more of her if f&b2 ever releases

Rhaena Targaryen, daughter of Laena 8/10

- I really like her

- she has the prettiest dragon

Jacaerys Velaryon 8/10

- interesting characters during the dance

- his death made me sad

- would have been a great king (with baela as queen)

Lucerys Velaryon 5/10

- not much about him

- how/why does a 5 year old cut out the eye of a 10 year old?

Joffrey Velaryon 6/10

- only thing abt him is wanting to protect dragons and avenge his brother :(

- his death was not nice to read about

Aegon lll Targaryen 8/10

- everything abt him makes me sad

Viserys ll Targaryen 7/10

- I was suprised when he came back

- that scene made me cry out of joy it was so cute, one of my fav moments in f&b

Jaehaerys Targaryen, son of Aegon ll 2/10

- irrelevant

- pity points

Jaehaera Targaryen 5/10

- her death suprised me

- she would have probably been "happier" if she wasn't married to aegon, that was not a fair marriage to either of them

Maelor Targaryen 3/10

- irrelevant

- his death is quite memorable tho

That's it

[whoiwanttoday]

In honor TCM not dying I decided to try watching some TCM recently. It went… look, I enjoyed the movies but it turns out TV and I parted ways a long time ago for a while and I am now out of practice so it never occurs to me. I thought, sure, I'll buy a month of TV please and in that time I only watched like 5 movies on TCM and nothing else. Guys, this was a horrible entertainment deal. I feel to get my value out of TV I would need to watch it every night, all night. A real shame but there we go. I feel a great debt to TCM, because thoughts on Ted Turner whatever they are, he created a channel that is marvelous and I deeply love. It was my film education as a kid and there are so many great and classic movies I first saw there. They weren't just shown, they were often given context and to this day I can still see the shots in Citizen Kane that were pointed out as revolutionary or holding symbolism. I am thankful, movies are wonderful and it's an artform I love and I don't think I would have gotten there without TCM. I'd still love them but it would be different I think. Anyway, the other joy of TCM is there are always movies I have never even heard of coming up. Often these are just ok but always they hold some value. It's why they chose it. So I watched an old Jean Harlow movie because… well, she is one of the original Hollywood Bad Girls. She was hot and it was pre-code and I had seen a couple things before but just wanted to see more of her work. She is a bundle of charm and I wish the pictures were better cause they do some pretty severe stuff with her eyebrows that really stand out in pictures but guys in motion she is just sex in a dress. She played a charming but also unlikable person but understandably so. She was a prostitute and easily cast aside for a "reputable" woman in the movie and she didn't exactly go looking for revenge but she was not against being pretty biting in her language and even better decided everyone else's discomfort was their problem, not hers. It was not a great movie, it was middling, but there was a lot about gender politics and racial tension that I found fascinating. It still is not really explicit but that just made it feel more for adults. Either way, the Hayes code was around the corner to snuff out all this sort of thing. I enjoyed myself and i decided I really should post her because guys, she wore this dress at one point and pictures will never do it justice so just trust me. 10 out of 10. Today I want to fuck Jean Harlow.

[sadstarsz]

future

whenever someone asks me where i picture myself in the future i always think of the same thing; dead. i have wanted to be dead for as long as i can remember, i can literally physically feel the depression in my body. however, i never tell anyone because it feels attention seeking or im worried they'll see me differently or even say it's just some 'teen angst' but i am so much more than that. so you know what? fuck that. i am tired of wanting to die or disappear. in the future, i want to move to a nice city somewhere far away from my current town and live in a flat with my future girlfriend. i want to have reached out and gotten help. i want to be going to therapy and doing better. i want to stop self-harming so my scars will hopefully fade and showers will stop making me wince at the constant stinging. i'll publish poetry books and YA novels. i'll to get a semi-colon tattoo on my left wrist, a star behind my right ear and a music note on my shoulder. i'm gonna make music. if i don't earn enough money from writing and music i'll either open up a little shop filled with alternative clothing, records, trinkets etc (basically something similar to a charity shop) or i'll be a criminal physcologist. i want to be something.

i want to make an impact on the world because i dont want to have wasted my life being sad; that's what i've been doing for god knows how long. i really want to be able to say all the things im too weak or too quiet to. i wish i could say what i want to; future me better try and do that. i hope in the future people know me for something good. i dont want to be the 'person you sit next to in class' or 'the girl who let you copy her answers in maths'. i want to make a difference. i want someone who is struggling and is different just like i am to know that i understand. all i've ever wanted is to feel understood. so please future me, make a difference and help one sad teenager feel understood.

when i get older (like grandma kind of old) i want to live in a little cottagey type of home but not one with a straw roof. i want to grow old there with the future girlfriend who will at this point hopefully be my future wife. i want to have bookshelves and bookshelves of books. i want to travel around the world in a caravan with my wife for about a year.

my final wish for future me is to just be happy, in all honesty as much as i'd love all this all i really need is to be happy.

[dearmomimissyou]

I hate that I'm attached to Manuel and he doesn't even fucking care. He never replied to my text because why the fuck would he right. And I still haven't fucking gotten my new card but he got more mail that's time sensitive so I sent him a picture of it. No response. Whatever. He said he's on a bender with his coworkers so fuck them. Wish I stood up for myself earlier I'd probably still be here at dad's but at least I wouldn't have to stupid fucking unhealthy and toxic attachment. Maybe I wouldn't feel alienated from my friends either. I can't fucking believe I gave up my friendships for this fucker. That's not really true I guess but it fucking feels like it. Maybe it's just the depression making me feel like we're not close anymore idk.

I'm just listening to my borderline barbie Playlist waiting for Nemo to call me hopefully in an hour or so. 5alking to them always makes me feel better. I wish I felt comfortable enough with my friends again to talk to them while crying but I feel weird about it. Nemos really the comfiest place to talk to now. We'll this too but you don't really respond ya know so.

I've really been feeling detached from reality and I don't know if it's like the Prozac or mental illness or my fucked up sleep. I'm also constantly thinking about my mortality and how I'm wasting my life away second my agonizing second not doing anything but there's not really much I can do until the therapist gets back to me. I fucking hate feeling like this,but I don't know what to do. I want to make friends here but that requires leaving the house and socializing. Plus I don't really have hobbies anymore. Playing video games is boring, I've been slowly crocheting a monkey but I'm bored of that too. I thought about streaming to try and get a couple people 5o talk to but again I don't find anything engaging anymore. Plus how would anybody find me I don't do social media.

I really fucking miss you. I know I'd probably still be in a similar situation right now or maybe worse if you were still alive but I sometimes just think about what if you never did drugs and never had your aneurism. How different would things be.

Love you always.

[cloudiyum]

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed of course

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Yes I doo, I want to donate them to homeless shelters.

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Tucked in, I love being tucked

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No but I've stolen many a cone

5: Do you like to use post-it notes? I do at work

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? I don't come across any coupons in my life right now

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? BEAR. ABSOLUTELY A BEAR. I would gladly be mauled to death

8: Do you have freckles? Not freckles but "beauty spots" as my mum calls them

9: Do you always smile for pictures? Nooo I tend to avoid that cuz my lips turn into 2 dimensional objects

10: What is your biggest pet peeve? Untidyness. Leaving the babywipe lid open. Dirty fridges.

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? No I don't!

12: Have you ever peed in the woods? Yeeees

13: What about pooped in the woods? No I once went camping for a week and didn't need to because my body knew It'd have to be in a hole.

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Not really, maybe if I'm eating rly tasty food

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? Nope

16: How many people have you slept with this week? Zero the fuck

17: What size is your bed? Queen.. slay

18: What is your Song of the week? LIKE A GIRL DOES PEACH PRC

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Absofuckinglutely. I'd love my Henry to dye his hair pink if he would

20: Do you still watch cartoons? Not really but family guy yes

21: Whats your least favorite movie? OMG. DUNE!! FUCK DUNE. my god. worst/boring movie I've ever seen in my entire life.

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? Bury? In dirt.. what else can you bury treasure in?

23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size? 10D I think, last time I got sized was when I was 14

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Mustard or Sweet and Sour sauce. Mostly nothing though

25: What is your favorite food? Salmon Sashimi <3 <3 <3

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? TWILIGHT <3 <3 <3

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? My Henry on the 7th November 2023

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? I did scouts when I was like 8 or 9 and met this cute girl named Chloe and we were such good friends at camp. I think she gave me one of her lip glosses or something. I wish I could find her again

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Only if my nips n bits were covered with an emoji or something

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? I don't remember but it definitely would've been to henry. Or today to pippa for work

31: Can you change the oil on a car? Nope but I can fill my tires with air :)

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Only once I think

33: Ever ran out of gas? Never I would die

34: Favorite kind of sandwich? Banana & Honey or Cucumber & Salt <3 <3

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? Bacon, egg & bbq sauce toasted sandwich or poached eggs on toast

36: What is your usual bedtime? I aim for 10:30 but sometimes its midnight

37: Are you lazy? No, I value my well deserved resting time

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? :( I wasn't allowed

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? Ox I think

40: Are you horny? No I am not, that is very rare

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nope

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? the fuck are lincoln logs

43: Are you stubborn? Noo my mind can be changed very easily

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman? Crystal meth santa claus <3

45: Ever watch soap operas? I like the big bang theory sue me

46: Are you afraid of heights? I would say not

47: Do you sing in the car? YEA I DO VERRRRY LOUDLY

48: Do you sing in the shower? On occasion

49: Do you dance in the car? I wiggle

50: Ever used a gun? Nooo

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? When I was 9 years old

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? Some of them.

53: Is Christmas stressful? Not really

54: Ever eat a pierogi? Yess with Henry & Greg in San Francisco <3

55: Favorite type of fruit pie? Cherry or blueberry

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A cleaner only cuz mum once said they get paid a lot HAHA

57: Do you believe in ghosts? Yea friendly ones only

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? I have a specific scenario I see every time I get it. I'm swinging back on the blue classroom chair in my year 7 classroom. The big windows are to the left and I'm at the front left of my class. I think Mrs Ralph or the other one was teaching. Every time.

59: Take a vitamin daily? No but I would if the gummies weren't so expensive and had enough nutrition in them

60: Wear slippers? no

61: Wear a bath robe? nono makes me look like an idiot

62: What do you wear to bed? The only thing I want to wear to bed for the rest of my life is the avocado toast oodie sleeping shirt that henry got me. It's so fucking ridiculously comfortable you have no idea

63: First concert? Die Antwoord in 2015 but if that doesn't count then apparently mum took me to see Hi-5 when I was little, I don't remember it tho

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Walmart if I'm in America, but in Australia I like Kmart for everything and Target for clothes and socks

65: Nike or Adidas? I don't really give a fuck to be honest but Nike aesthetic is more pleasing to me

66: Cheetos Or Fritos? I've never had fritos but I enjoy flamin hot cheetos

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Neither, those textures are off putting to me. Too gritty

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No is that French?

69: Ever take dance lessons? Yeees I did, at Denise Hollins Dance Company. I started when I was 3 or 4 and did Teddy Bears Picnic. I stopped and didn't start again til I was 8 turning 9. 2006 Jazz (I want Candy & Footloose) (Must've skipped 2007) 2008 - Tap (Here It Goes Again & Jump n Jive) Jazz (Moving thru Time & Get Up and Dance) Acrobats (Jump Shout Boogie) Finale (Move Shake Drop) 2009 - Jazz (Backstreets Back & Hocus Pocus) Intermediate Acrobats (Batman) Finale (Zombie) 2010 - (my last year forever) Advanced Acrobats - Gold :)

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? I picture Henry as a professional DJ <3

71: Can you curl your tongue? YA

72: Ever won a spelling bee? We don't have those here

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Nooop

74: Own any record albums? A thank u next single and peach prc

75: Own a record player? nope

76: Regularly burn incense? Occasionally

77: Ever been in love? yessss henry

78: Who would you like to see in concert? ARIANA GRANDE

79: What was the last concert you saw? Peach PRC <3

80: Hot tea or cold tea? Cold!

81: Tea or coffee? I like the taste of tea better but I like the effects of coffee

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? Don't know what that is

83: Can you swim well? Very well, I won champion girl at my primary school once

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Of course.. I don't think anyone can't do this

85: Are you patient? I try to be yes

86: DJ or band, at a wedding? hmmmmmmm dj

87: Ever won a contest? Not a contest but a wax kit and some free goodies from norris for guessing the correct number hehe

88: Ever have plastic surgery? Nope only lip fillers 4 times. Dissolves way too quick for me tho

89: Which are better black or green olives? omg fuck I love both so much. my fave is marinated green olives

90: Can you knit or crochet? I do not

91: Best room for a fireplace? Living room I guess

92: Do you want to get married? I am :) already. married. hehe

93: If married, how long have you been married? um one month and four days

94: Who was your HS crush? Luke Ramljak <3

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No that doesn't work

96: Do you have kids? I do not

97: Do you want kids? I think so. I'm very undecided still. Blairs so cute and I don't think my baby will be that cute hahaha

98: Whats your favorite color? Pppppink duh

99: Do you miss anyone right now? henry henry and henry even tho its only been 11 days

[ippu81]

The snippet of my fanfic. Fresh from the keyboard. Feedback is welcome.

I then went to the hamster store and found some lovely cat statues. I put them in the bedrooms and then took a couple to the decorative shelf in the kitchen. The power couple was still eating. Then I continued my journey with the other decorative items. I had an ornament storage and from there I always put them in when I remembered or was in the mood. I wasn't allowed to do much moving around, I had Charles, extremely tight, protective, close to me at all times.

He was still on edge about the whole fucking pharmaceutical thing and so was Adam. I knew that at some point there was going to be a blast and a blowout, but then that's the worry of the time. Luckily they were still in a phase where I was being looked after and watched over properly. It was quite annoying but I controlled myself. Because Charles had lifted me by the throat to the wall four times already when I didn't obey immediately, there was a fury in his eyes, a capacity to hurt I'd never seen before and I understood when Mimosa had told me what Charles had done.

He had yielded to his demons, taken out his darkest side, and let it take him. I realized how damn much I meant to these two. Now in full detail and it was scary. Because I am what I am, a daredevil, stubborn, a sacrificer, and then I have these two for whom I am the center of their lives, more or less.

I wonder if Mariella ever feels that way, maybe not because she's grown into it, learned, and to her it's natural. I had never had that feeling about Damon. Never. There were always other women, Damien, the gigs, everything and this was so damn new and amazing to me. It brought with it a whole new responsibility. A whole new outlook on life. Now there was no way I could be so selfish anymore, not at all because I now knew and felt this feeling. And these two, they would not use this feeling against me to crush my heart or my soul, but they might see that I stayed safe. I won't do anything foolhardy.

Damon heard Mimi's thoughts and actually had an idea. He needs to know all the threats against Mimi, in every department. He'd already gotten into Mimi's gig memories and oh boy, he wished he'd been just a little smarter, a little less of a selfish playboy, and focused on being a husband. Because he'd never been a husband to anyone.

Not in that way and Mimi deserved so much better treatment, but when the fate of the world depended on Mimi and Damon saw the big picture, how Mimi grew into her mission, strong, independent, resilient. And then defeated the Prince of Hell. And yet they still have to breed, to fill new dimensions, to continue their mission.

And Damon gave himself a mission. No matter how long it takes, he should learn to be a husband to Mimi, too. He knew he didn't have the right, and it was unlikely to ever happen, but he thought it would be so wonderful if Mimi could see him in that too, feel his love too, his longing even.

Mariella was number one to him just because they had a different kind of connection. They were creatures of lust, a wizard and a witch, a couple. But Mimi was his biological and perhaps psychic half. And when they were together, he felt whole, on a whole different level than he did with Mariella. But this connection Mimi didn't yet feel, didn't notice. Or if she did, she denied its existence because so many fucking times he had hurt her, tormented her, crushed her hopes, her feelings, her soul. If he even had the right to hope. Damon didn't know. He just kept hoping.

[suckitsurveys]

Have you ever gotten lost while on a road trip? I've taken wrong turns before, but never been fully lost. Thank you, GPS.

When did you last have some lemonade? Not too long ago.

Who is your celebrity crush? Harry Styles, Pete Davidson, Aubrey Plaza, Will Arnett. Yes, I am unhinged.

If you had to choose a random color to dye your hair, what would you choose? It's been almost every color.

What do you do when you feel restless? I mean, depends?

Do you take a lot of pictures of sunrises/sunsets? Not a lot, but I have.

Do you like the color orange? Sure.

Are you currently wearing a watch? No.

When did you last have cereal? This morning.

What last made you anxious? Life.

What is something you were surprised to learn? I didn't really pay much attention to Harry Styles before like later 2022, so I was surprised to learn he dated Kendall Jenner.

Do you get flu vaccinations every year? Yeah

Have you ever been on a double date? Yes.

What radio station do you listen to most? I don't really listen to the radio much, but I guess Kiss FM.

Have you ever shunned a family member or vice versa? I wish I fucking could.

Favorite shade of blue? I love most shades of blue.

Favorite soup? I LIKE LOBSTAH SOUP. CHUNKY LOBSTAH SOUP, with like, lobstah chunks in it.

Do you like mangoes? Eh. They aren't my favorite, but I don't hate them.

Do you prefer pancakes or waffles? Waffles, for sure.

If you create music playlists, what is the title of the last one you made? I made a playlist of Taylor Swift's Eras Tour set list.

Would you or have you ever traveled to China? No and no. I wouldn't want to be on a plane that long.

What’s your height? Like 5′2''.

What color do you wear most often? Black.

When taking a shower, do you turn on the water before getting in? Yes.

What do you want most? Good health.

What is an overused word you hear a lot? I don't know, I don't think of words as "overused" really.

What do you currently hear? Fingertips by Lana Del Rey

What were the last 3 things you ate? Chips and salsa/cheese, cereal, and a pop tart.

When did you last take a selfie? About a month ago, unless you count BeReal.

How is your mental health? Ahahahahahahahhhahahhhahahahahahahahahhhahahhahahahahah.

How much water do you drink in a day? Could always drink more.

What are you thankful for currently? My family.

What animal do you think is the ugliest? Humans.

If applicable, would you quit your job if you won the lottery? I don't know, actually. I like having something to do. Maybe I'd cut back my hours.

What is your favorite sleeping position? On my stomach.

What are 3 scents you like? Vanilla, coconut, and gardenias. Also warm rain.

Have you ever thrown someone a surprise party? Yes, kinda.

What’s an unpopular opinion you have politically? Abortion is essential healthcare.

What’s a type of cheese or cheese alternative that you enjoy? I love cheese! Goat and bleu are my favorites.

What is a kid activity that you would still do now as an adult? I can't think of something that is specifically a "kid" activity.

Do you like the scent of fresh cut grass? I do. It makes me think of summer.

If you were to go to a Disney themed costume party, what would you dress up as? Maybe Jessie from Toy Story.

What is an ability you believe everyone should have? Fucking empathy.

What is the first thing you do after coming home from a trip? Get laundry together.

Name a song that’s fun to sing along to. JUST ONE?

Do you know how your parents met? Yeah, my mom was friends with my dad's sister.

Do you believe love is blind? It can be.

Have you ever made a bet and lost? Yeah. Nothing serious, though.

If you owned a restaurant, what would you serve? Probably a cafe where you could play board games. Maybe with pastries and sandwiches.

What’s the fanciest event you’ve ever attended? Recognition luncheons for my dad when he was working.

What food tastes better than its appearance? Soup. All soup looks so gross.

Do you actively post on social media? I am most active on my IG stories.

Do you believe in horoscopes? Not super seriously, but they are interesting.

What’s a hobby you would like to get into? I wish I could sew/crochet/knit.

Would you take the opportunity to become immortal? No.

Do you experience intrusive thoughts? Sometimes. I think we all do.

What is a movie that makes you laugh? So many do?

What is the best name you’ve heard an animal named? UGH I love unhinged animal names.

Do you keep track of how many steps you take? No.

What’s something that isn’t really needed that you would not want to live without? Internet.

What would you name a yacht if you had one? I'd name it "Spanish for 'Remember Your Mother'" as a reference to 30 Rock.

Morbid, I apologize. How do you think you’ll die? Something health related.

What’s something embarrassing you’ve said to someone? Every word that ever comes out of my mouth.

If you could have anything in a store for free, which store would you choose? A house store.

For 1 day, what animal would you choose to be? A sea creature.

What woke you up this morning? My alarms.

Would you rather have many hobbies or 1 true passion? A handful of passions.

I feel like every school has one. What was a school scandal your town’s school had? My town has LOTS of schools, bro.

Do you save or spend more money? Both lol.

Do you listen to podcasts? Yeah, I used to listen to a TON when I worked from home. Now I only really listen to Office Ladies and Smartless and sometimes Conan.

What is your favorite dish to cook? Pesto.

If you have pets, what would you ask them if they could speak? I'd ask my one cat why she hates me so much lol

How do you deal with stress? Eat.

What compliment did you last receive? Mark called me cute earlier.

If you were president, what’s one thing you’d change about your country? OH GOD SO MUCH.

Would you rather get a facial or massage? A massage.

If you were offered a super bowl ad, would you create a commercial and what would it be like? I don't know but I'd sure as fuck get rid of those Jesus "He Gets Us" commercials or whatever they are.

When did you last feel an adrenaline rush? Driving fast the other day oops.

Who is tallest in your family? My dad.

What’s the oldest article of clothing you own look like? I don't know.

When did you last mess something up? Blah.

Do you write in a journal? This is it.

What’s something you’re confident in? My job.

Have you ever received a strange gift? Nah.

Do you currently have a headache? Not at the moment.

What’s something you have on your bucket list? Travel more places.

[moxfirefly]

Good afternoon, this has been in the works for a while now and I finally got around to finishing it and being pretty content of it (this is gonna go up on AO3 soon along with the others that aren’t request) but I wanted to post it here first. Enjoy!

Rated Explicit (18+ only)

“Wish you were here right now

All of the things I'd do”

Gaming was always an escape.

From childhood to adulthood. There was some gaming equipment in your hands, controls, handhelds, keyboards and so on. There was just something calming about entering a fantasy world and immersing yourself in scenery and stories that made you stray from bad days and long nights.

For Donatello it was the same.

On one of his many supply scavenges Splinter had found a dumpster near a toy store that was going out of business. It was a memorable haul for them. What they expected to be routine things mixed with some type of groceries had turned into literal Christmas in July. Stuffed animals, board games, action figures and even a few gaming consoles with some cartridges and cd’s. Noticeably they were considered damaged or improperly manufactured, but they didn’t care and for Donnie he had spent a good week and a half fixing up the Nintendo and Play Station 2 consoles back into working conditions.

That alone had been plenty for him but nevertheless Mikey being so excited about playing wanted him to join him. They had played for hours and each disc or cartridge they tried out held a new story, a new set of controls to learn, new visuals and such. He was immediately hooked.

When he had gotten the first parts to start building a PC from scratch he knew there would be another world of possibilities for games.

Now gaming is a leisure for Donnie. Something he does for enjoyment and an escape when his projects become too much. The world of online gaming allowed him to also explore the possibilities of chatting with others though, the humans they were not allowed to see or speak to (with the exception of their Hogosha) but needless to say it wasn’t like Donnie broadcasted his identity and whereabouts. More so these people only came to game and speak game.

Donnie absolutely does detest the unnecessary sexism that gaming brings. Many a time he had read on chats or heard on his head set such derogatory comments thrown at female players. Never the one to stand such misogynistic behavior (he was raised better and had heard enough horror stories from April) he always shot that shit down quickly. Given his status as being far above his gaming peers he had developed respect and none of them ever shot back at him.

That’s how he runs into you.

On the opposing team nonetheless.

Once your female voice ran through the ears of the group he had been stuck in, the comments began to rain down. Some colorful, some lazy and some downright disgusting. Donnie had had enough and with some of his more illegal methods, had managed to push out the players in his party and send the audio recording to the email of the developers.

On exceptionally petty days he did far worse.

You had been stunned, wondering why the gang of immature boys had suddenly disappeared. Only one of them remained with the gamer tag specifying ‘Don_DuzMachines’ you couldn’t help but giggle at it.

You had asked if the sudden disappearance had been a weird glitch and if Don (as you assumed you should call him) had anything to do about it.

“Let’s just say I’ve got my ways” His soft voice rang through your headset.

“Well it’s hardly the first time I’ve had a gang of prepubescent boys tell me to suck their dicks” You started to move away in the map but stopped abruptly.

“Hey do you wanna play something else?” You asked tentatively. “Figured the least I can do is thank you” Donnie sat back pensively, well there was no harm in that now was there?

And so it started innocently.

Co-op games even the occasional match against one another. Each game you two always spoke through your headsets. Mostly banter about strategy or directions for who to do what or the occasional friendly jabs. You hadn’t revealed much that wasn’t the nickname you used as your gamer tag, and well Don had basically done the same.

That is until you decide to poke a little into his life. “You go to college?” You had asked, fingers gliding over the keyboard as you both partook in a raid. Donnie hadn’t expected such a question and he didn’t necessarily want to divulge much, he opted for a more ambiguous response. “I do my own studying, sort of like home schooling if you will?” Well he wasn’t wrong, Splinter had been both father and teacher to them, Donnie had just excelled more quickly and soon enough he was teaching his brothers on the academic side.

“You broke too, huh? Trust me it’s not worth the insane debt you’ll develop in six years that’ll take forty years to pay off” You chuckled with a hint of bitterness, Donnie couldn’t help but laugh and snort.

“That’s cute” You said sincerely. Donnie smiled, heat creeping up his neck.

How innocent things had been at the start.

For six months the two of you divulged little to no information. You never asked to video chat and Donnie never asked for your socials. It had just been a mutual agreement to keep the mystery that just wasn’t verbalized. Maybe it was for the better, because surely what had began as a gaming buddies situation had escalated to, well Donnie couldn’t really explain.

The first instance the two of you had been stuck on a map solving intricate puzzles. It was one of the more relaxed games the two of your partook in together when you didn’t want to deal with other players in a lobby.

“Dating apps are a nightmare, they’re only worth it for getting dumb funny stories” You had been playing but also checking some of the matches you’ve gotten on a site. Donnie swallowed, why did that settle so oddly in his stomach?

“Well any funny ones you’d like to share?” Don asked curiously hoping he wasn’t over stepping any boundaries. “One guy wanted me to cover my feet in marmalade, I really almost hit fuck it and did it” You couldn’t help but smile when Don choked, coughed and bursted out laughing.

“What kink is that even related to? I mean I know people enjoy feet but marmalade?” He was bewildered. “Come on Don don’t kink shame the poor guy, who are you to police his eclectic culinary desires?” Now the two of you couldn’t help but burst into another fit of laughter. Both your avatars were idle standing, the game somewhat abandoned in favor for the conversation.

“Hey I’m not kink shaming, we all have our weird kinks” Donnie smiled sitting back on his swivel chair. You clicked out of the dating site, chin resting on your hand. “Are we finally having this conversation? Cause I love this shit, it’s my bread and butter” You sat back in your gaming chair, tucking your knees.

Donnie felt so shy but the barrier of mistery the two of you had built urged him on. He was curious, like stupid curious what you looked like and while he had everything to figure out exactly where you were, it wasn’t morally correct for him. So why not just indulge in the conversation?

“Well it’s not feet, sorry to disappoint” He heard you laugh, an infectious sound he had grown to enjoy so much. “Feet are so passé anyways, what about bondage?” You spun slowly in your chair, the sounds of Don adjusting and clicking on the keyboard ringing in your ears.

“Bondage is a go, especially sensory deprivation” He was checking some documents April had forwarded to him in regards to a case they were dealing with, but he could multitask. You made an approving noise, nodding while taking a sip of your drink. “Into that D/s stuff?” You asked wanting to see what else he might like.

“Well yeah, but I do enjoy more um... Fem Dom stuff” He finished up the email he wrote out for April and hit send. “A man with taste, not something we get often” You chuckled but decided to add. “I wouldn’t mind having a guy submit to me” You bit the inside of your cheek a little shy suddenly.

Something about that statement made heat spread south for Donnie. The concept of being dominated? By a woman? He peaked a look behind him, pushing one side of his headset down to hear what his brothers might be up to but he heard only music and chatting voices.

“What’s your favorite thing?” He inquired almost too softly.

“Erotic ASMR” There was no trace of embarrassment in your voice and that somehow made Donnie hot.

“Maybe we frequent the same sites for that” Don boldly threw out. You made an approving face before sitting forward and typing on your keyboard. A beat or two later Donnie saw an email notification from you on one of his many burner emails. He opened it finding links to audios from various sites all catered to erotic audios. Donnie whistled, this was a gold mine and true to his predictions you did indeed have some of his favorite sites to peruse.

“It’s not just male audios by the way, there’s women too” You sat back once again, nervously playing with your hair. “Thanks... Well I do like hearing both” Donnie confessed, voice avoiding a stutter.

You grinned. Oh he was even more fun that you could’ve expected.

Curiously enough that had been the tamest experience into yours and Donnie’s sex talks. Because it hadn’t really stopped at that, they progressively escalated little by little. Fave kinks had turned to fave sites, fave sites had turned into fave videos. Donnie never pictured he’d share his hidden folder with a stranger no less.

You nor Donnie could really say how the two of you had ended up one late night, with yet another abandoned game, talking about weird but satisfying cyber sex experiences. Some of your stories had been on the more comical side but a few had riled Donnie up to the point that he couldn’t ignore it. There was a shift in your voice as well, an allure that enticed him.

“Can I be honest?” You licked your suddenly dry lips. Donnie tensed momentarily, not sure what to expect. “Of course, please” You squeezed your thighs together, ‘please’ shouldn’t sound so good coming out of his mouth. You trace lazy circles on your thighs, something pushed you. “I’m kinda turned on by this...by talking to you about all this stuff” Maybe this was overstepping it, surely there was nothing wrong between two adult friends discussing such matters.

There was no need to tell Don that you had yearned to put a face to the name. But his hesitance spoke of insecurities and you could understand that.

“I am too...” Donnie looked up at what he called a ceiling in his home, the darkness of the sewer system and concrete. He’d never have a chance with you, it was a deeply rooted desire for intimacy and if virtually he could obtain it then so be it.

For all your boldness you felt a wave of bashfulness hit, crashed around your self confidence. Then Donnie steps up and you feel your toes curl in excitement. “Do you want to have a better experience?” Donnie runs both hands down his face, who was he to provide better experiences, he’d never even physically had a partner. The slow sigh that escapes your throat is comforting static in his headset. “Yeah, yeah I really do actually” You feel a smile etch itself on your lips.

“You can call me Donnie” It’s the closest to his name, and truthfully he really wants to hear you say it.

“Y/N,” You say to which Donnie makes an approving noise, he finds your name to be pretty. He rolls it in his mouth, testing the syllables, he can envision moaning it, well he wants to moan it if he can be completely honest. He wants to put a face to that name but he quickly pushes the thought out. There’s a pregnant pause where neither of you engage or make the first attempt. Not wanting to let this mood flee, Donnie swallows and closes his eyes. The hum of the abandoned game grounding him.

“Say my name again” It’s not a forceful demand, all the contrary he wants to hear the pitch in your voice when you say it, he wants to picture how each tone would variate depending on what he would do or say. “Donnie...” You smile to yourself when you say it, a hint of desire nestled in it and Don notices that and wants more of it.

There’s a lengthy sigh from your behalf, hands wandering up your thighs towards your chest. “I’d like to be there right now, would like to say it against your lips” Your bold confessions makes Donnie’s pulse quicken. He runs a ghosting touch up his plastron, the vision of a delicate hand doing it. The imaginary weight of you on his lap grinding down on his hard member. Donnie grips himself through his shorts a soft groan escaping his parted lips.

“Want you to kiss me” He swallows dryly, the approving noise you make pushing him forward. “Feel your lips all over, feel your mouth around me...” He lifts his hips, hand cupping himself and the small hitch in your breath is a sound he wants permanently recorded in his brain.

“God are you big? I bet you are” You kneed your breast, thumb and forefinger pinching the sensitive nubs until they’re perked. Donnie smirks to himself, freeing his aching member and looking down at himself. Mutant genes aside he feels somewhat shamefully proud of his cock, he wonders if you would like it... deeply buried within you. “Yeah I am, I think you can take it something tells me” You catch that teasing tone and the urge to swallow him whole and make him see stars is too much.

Your hand finds its way into your underwear, the warm wetness making you moan as you tease your middle finger between the lips to find your sensitive nub there. You bite back another lengthy moan but recover enough to breathlessly say, “oh fuck, Donnie” and that very sound makes him shiver. Never did he think he’d hear something so temptingly good, said with such sincerity. God the things he would do to smell your arousal right now, to taste the wetness. “Push two fingers in slowly” Donnie almost pleas, his voice shakey, hand pumping his cock at a steady pace. You do as he wishes, your gutted moan making more precum gather at the tip of his member.

“God-shit- you sound so good, wish you were riding my big dick right now” He wants to chastise himself for saying something like that, but he can’t deny that statement shakes something in you. He can hear it, the sound of your fingers mixed with a continuously rising string of moans. “Ohmygod” Words tumble out strewn together by your pleasure. “Donnie please, please fuck me harder” That alone makes him sit up and push forwards, one hand on his desk as the other works himself up in upward twisting strokes.

Donnie can’t erase the idea of slamming into you right here on his desk, maybe bent over, maybe you’ll let him cum on your face...

He pushes the idea away, he can’t envision your face now, not right now, not when your moans have you sounding this deliciously in need. You’re plunging two fingers into your core as your free hand runs firm circles around your clit. “Christ Donnie you sound so good baby” You moan, perspiration covering your body and Donnie can only groan his approval.

There’s a few minutes where it’s just the two of you lost in your own pleasure together. The constant chants of ‘fuck’ and ‘god’ and ‘yes’ mixed between the two of you. “Say it... again” Donnie groans out, hand quickening, briefly gathering some saliva and letting it fall on his hard member for better traction. “Don-oh, Donnie cum in me!” You’re so far gone, not caring what comes out of your mouth. The wet sounds in your head set and a vibration you figured could be static mixed with his groans was all you heard.

Donnie’s hips twitch, feels that request swim inside of his brain and the image of burying himself as deeply as you could take is all he needs. Just as your moans rise in crescendo he feels the first twitch and relief of his orgasm overtake him. He’s never felt it hit him this hard it knocks the wind out of him, each rope shooting out onto his hand and floor. In his minds eye though, it’s your suffocating heat taking it, milking him until he’s a shivering mess. It plays perfectly like a movie, he swears he can even feel your lips at his neck and arms holding him tight.

Your sounds are enough to keep him stroking, the way your voice pitched up with the sound of his name entwined, forever recorded in his brain. Your entire body tensed to the point of uncomfortable but it was impossible to stop abruptly when he sounded so lost in you. Your leg shakes and stiffens and it takes every inch of control to not become liquid and slip away into comforting bliss.

Eventually the sounds of heavy breathing slowly but surely settling are the only things the two of you can hear in your ears. There’s a mess, for you and for him. The understanding of things transpired crossing each of you two’s brains. Should you speak first? Should he?

“Um, you with me?” You settle, skin sweaty and mouth dry. There’s movement on the other line, a quiet cuss here and there and you smile. “Yeah, sorry just... made a mess” His voice has that sheepish tone and you can’t help but chuckle.

“Great thing about being a girl, we can conceal the evidence better” You stretch your aching legs enjoying each joint pop. “The female anatomy never seizes to amaze me, trust me” Donnie leans back in his chair, napkin cleaning any other soiled spot.

The silence was somewhat comfortable, the buzzing of good chemicals slowly settling.

“Was this okay?” He asked, hesitant tone in your ears.

“More than okay if you ask me” You kept it light not wanting him to feel odd or even ashamed.

You ventured on slowly, forming the question in your brain and bouncing it back and forward with a swallow. “If, and I mean if you want to, we can maybe do this from time to time” You worried a thumbnail between your teeth. Donnie’s gaze watching the idle screen of the abandoned game, he thought hard but briefly.

“I... yeah I would” He smiles to himself, even if the nagging thought that this might not last clutches the back of his mind. Why ruin a good thing? This was good more than good and you suggested to continue.

He doesn’t want to preoccupy his brain with scenarios, or if that dreaded ‘let’s meet’ sentence decides to cross your lips. If this is the inch of intimacy he gets to have and it’s with you, who he has grown so fond of, then he’s selfishly taking that inch and guarding it with his life.

Mutely you both remain on the line, no words spoken from the agreement, just simply enjoying that the two of you were present.

Even if not physically.