#i married that autistic weirdo

[usuallydyinginside]

TLDR: Francesca Bridgerton is Autistic. Fight me.

Okay so I did not go into Season 3 of Bridgerton expecting to have any feelings about Francesca Bridgerton. We have seen her only in glimpses in the show and I have not read the books, so I knew basically nothing about her before binging the first four episodes.

But guys. GUYS. I will die for this autistic queen.

Okay, so starting with first impressions. We know that on her big day, Francesca went out of her way to avoid her nosy, loud family by having a very early, quiet breakfast by herself and then calming down via playing the piano (clearly a special interest of hers).

In her first balls, we see Francesca light up any time she talks about music (clearly her current or forever special interest) but as soon as men try to take it to a flirting place she IMMEDIATELY shuts down. It's clear that even as she states very matter-of-factly that she plans to marry this season, she also is baffled and uncomfortable any time someone tries to actually, ya know, court her.

At one of her first shindigs, she got attention and then went up to her brother and (while making almost no eye contact) told him (rather than asked him) that she needed a sec.

She then sat by herself in the side of the ballroom.

Later on, she left a ball in search of quiet and solitude to fix her sensory overload, so she went outside this time. (A thing that we know from pervious seasons is a HUGE no-no, particularly unchaperoned. But she was very respectfully near the door so maybe that's fine?) The point is that she cares very much about staying respectable so she can get this marriage thing over with and get people to stop perceiving her, yet she risks some scandal by going outside just so she can be somewhere quiet alone.

Enter: this absolute (also autistic) Prince Charming.

He says hello (so she knows he's not like trying to sneak up on her in the dark like a creep) and then just stands there. 10/10, no notes, best way to flirt I have ever seen in my life.

Seriously just look at this. I'm in love. Never before has there been a greater sign of love at first sight than in this "standing politely five feet apart in total silence in the middle of a ball and enjoying each other's company."

I need to go watch these first four episodes about a hundred more times, but I THINK this might be the first sincere smile we see from Francesca??!? I at least got the impression immediately that this is the first time she's felt genuinely comfortable and happy while not entirely alone this season.

Like, these nerds did not even exchange names. They barely exchanged a word. Yet you can see them falling head over heels in love right there in that moment. I don't even LIKE love at first sight tropes and they have my whole heart. They are the only exception.

Then, of course, you have this second absolutely iconic Scene of Silence where the entire Bridgerton family stares in neurotypical confusion a these two amazing weirdos. The way these two do not know each other but they DO know each other. The way they are both so happy and so comfortable but also still playing the whole society game the way they were told they had to?? I just don't have words right now.

LOOK AT HER SMILE, GUYSSSSSSSS.

Look how happy this tiny, silent moment is making her. How she understands immediately what he's doing and is absolutely delighted to participate too even knowing her entire family is hardcore judging them from not that far away.

And then you get this smug little look from him and it's like you can see his autistic ass thinking, "Yes. I calculated correctly. This was the correct romance option. Gold star to me." (Okay, maybe that's just how my brain works but shhhhh)

Which, of course, brings us to this absolutely hilariously awkward ND attempt at flirting. We start off with some fairly normal "whoops, I'm flustered cause you make me nervous" sort of moments, but notice how little eye contact she makes. How she only looks in his eyes very briefly and it seems like she almost has to remind herself to do so when she's doing the "polite" answers (OR later when she's genuinely interested in a topic).

So as soon as Francesca is like "oh shit, I ruined it. I forgot how to neurotypical. It's over" then she loses patience with the practiced social niceties.

I spent like 30 minutes trying to find a GIF and I should already be asleep so I'm not going to go learn how to make one BUT I needed to look up exactly what happens next cause it's basically the most autistic thing I've ever seen.

WHICH IS that in response to the second awkward silence after Francesca shares all of this, John's response is, "That is helpful. If you'll excuse me."

Then dude bro just WALKS AWAY WITHOUT ANOTHER WORD.

Like it would be awkward anyway but now Francesca thinks she misread a social cue so she's feeling sad, and meanwhile this absolute king is over here on a romantic mission no one asked him to do because he is that set on showing her he's listening and cares.

The man shows up at the ball and as soon as he had a paper we were all screaming "he wrote her a song!!!"

Again, notice the eye contact (or lack thereof). I think with period dramas and women, it's easy to just go "oh she's just shy" or "she's just being demure like she's supposed to" but like NO. This girl does not want to meet anyone's eyes.

Until she does. Because in moments where she's talking about music or enjoying quiet, it's worth it to purposefully meet his eyes and see how he's feeling too. To make sure he can see she's happy.

ANYWAY, it was so much better than him writing a song for her.

SO. MUCH. BETTER.

Because he didn't just give her any ol' music. He sought out the music they'd specifically heard in the street, and he took her exact specifications on what was "wrong" with the music, and he FIXED IT. He then put the whole thing on sheet music and handed her a copy with no further explanation than this.

Our autistic lass was so excited she basically sprinted out of that ball so she could find a piano. (Which, the fact that she does this rather than try to stay and flirt/dance with the man who just gave her this incredible gift ALSO says a lot, just saying. Daphne could never.)

So our girl finds a piano and GUYS. LOOK AT HOW HAPPY SHE IS.

I'm pretty sure this woman would accept a proposal right this second. Maybe make one herself. She is so head over heels in love with this man that it's absurd. We have watched her mask in these first four episodes, but the last two where she's interacting with John are the first times she seems genuinely happy and like the real her is shining through.

Like, does she enjoy her family? Sure. But it's obvious (and she even tells us) that she finds them overwhelming and generally to be A Lot. But these scenes? This gesture?

You can just get how seen she feels. How weird and wild and amazing it is to her that this man can see who she actually is and wants to join her there instead of making her play some part of the perfect Bridgerton who likes to be the center of attention.

(And even here - the EYE CONTACT. She glances at people when she's talking to them, but the way she looks at the sheet music is so much more intense and intimate and personal than anytime she's looking at the average person in the show. She still even in places she's most comfortable, such as sitting at the piano, makes very little eye contact and only at very specific moments.)

Anyway I'm going to sleep now but I'm sure I'll add more thoughts as they come to me. Feel free to add your own case for why Francesca is autistic and/or otherwise neurodivergent. I want to hear allllllll the thoughts.

[timkontheunsure]

Queer secondary adolescence and Stolas

(I keep forgetting to put this up here)

Ok, so Stolas being teen dad is one of the reasons I get annoyed when people say he's too horny with Blitz. Or that his relationship is too dramatic and teenager-y.

He's a queer guy who never got to be a teenager, didn't get to have a first boyfriend, or explore who he was. Or do any of the normal stuff most straight teenagers get to do.

His family stuffed him in the closet, forced him to have child, and gave him an abusive wife as jailer.

(He around 36, with a 17 year old daughter. 36−17=19 when Octavia was born. Likely married at 18).

He's got some chatting up to do.

Up till now his whole life's been about Via, and mitigating Stella's abuse to hid it from Via.

That's left him barely hanging on, taking an increasing amount of antidepressants; and singing lullabies about not being sure he'll make it till Via's grown up.... 🙁

There's this thing called second adolescence that alot of queer people experience, when they come out later in life.

It happens when they're weren't allowed to do normal teenage things at the right age. So things like having crushes, go on first dates, have extremely anxious dramatic relationships. As well just be a normal horny teenager.

Stolas got to do none of that. So he's doing it now.

He's also pretty obviously an autistic guy (separate post ), who didn't get well socialized as a child.

Blitz appears to have been his first and only really friend.

Stolas is not great at social cues. (He's so happy to be able to help with his special interest, but does realise his tone is upsetting Ozzie).

Even with Via he struggles to understand her. She needs to tell her dad flat out what she needs.

When she tries to be subtle, and snark he assumes it's just her being a moody teen. And that she'll enjoy loo loo land when she loosen up a bit.

Because of this lack Stolas mostly fills in gaps in his social experience with masking.

Such copying Gabriel hairstyle from helluva novella to get ready for his first ever date.

Following Blitz's lead of what to do in an uncomfortable situation.

And trying to match the energy of how Blitz first came on to him.

(He's definitely getting better at it from Blitz reaction).

There's also an idea in CBT called reparenting your inner child. Which about giving yourself some the support, and experiences you missed out on because of abuse.

Stolas needs to go through his secondary adolescence as part of his recovery from his abuse.

So let Stolas be a little horny weirdo. 😛

PS this one will brake you heart. Stolas is standing fully in both these pictures.

You can see how much he's grown by her light switch.

Kid hasn't even reached his full adult height yet when he had to have a kid.

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Group 9

Propaganda:

Shinpei -

"Has a tendency to ignore his emotions in high stress situations in favor of looking at everything logically, even when it is detrimental for him to take that approach. Keeps meticulous track of everything that happens around him."

Sunny -

"Sunny has been told that his face is not expressive. He doesn't talk a lot and he often gets lost into his imagination. He is a great listener and recalls a lot of information being told he has a great memory (he is able to remember a whole speech about flower symbolism that his friend told him) He is compared to a cat."

Yuki -

"He has difficulty communicating with other people and suffers from extreme social anxiety, feeling like he's drowning when placed in uncomfortable social situations or scenarios where she doesn't know how to respond. This also causes him to go red in the face and clench his jaw, which other characters wrongfully interpret as him becoming angry. Through meeting Haru (and getting pulled into his plan to save the world), he becomes friends with him and Natsuki and develops his own strong interest in fishing."

Meursault -

"not only is he based on the character from camus' l'étranger who has actual scholarly debate on him being autistic, meursault is just… so autism. hes this stoic, terse guy with resting bitch face who doesnt really seem to fully process that he isnt showing any emotions and that that offputs people, and hes very blunt and literal with things. once another character asked if he had metal for brains as an insult and he responded by telling him the exact chemical composition of his brain to show that it is not metal. once the other characters made food so bad that when he tasted it he went on a minute straight long monologue about how much it sucked. he then proceeded to cook his own food which the giant evil chicken monster man that was judging the food tasted and said was so intensely done to the letter of the recipe that it was too boring. hes like if autism was a guy and that guy was french."

Zack -

"does things based almost solely on whether or not he wants to, at one point in the series, he doesn't tell the rest of the cast that he can fly a spaceship because he doesn't feel like it. he also take everything everyone else tells him seriously, such as when another character he knew as a kid said they were going to get married one day, he took it very seriously and was confused when said character tried to confess her feelings again and he said he thought their promise from when they were kids was still on."

Joujirou -

"This boy is autism incarnate. No social skills, no normal pain perception, complete weirdo. He even has a special interest which becomes a mild issue when he joins the main cast lol."

Alus the Star Runner -

"He’s a three-armed wyvern gunslinger with cool goggles and a lightsaber. Need I say more? …Okay then. Alus was born as a mutant cripple and rejected by his kind but managed to overcome this and rise up to become Flying Reptile Indiana Jones. He’s famed as the greatest adventurer in the land, but also struggles to keep up a conversation and prefers to remain on his own (which is especially unusual for wyverns, who usually gather in giant flocks). He has exactly one (1) friend, whom he completely fails to understand as a person but still values and respects immensely. Despite his difficulties with social interaction, he’s repeatedly shown to be incredibly resourceful and intelligent, with a single-minded drive and persistence unmatched by anyone else in the series. (Also canonically asexual, because who needs a family when you can fight dragons perfectly well on your own?)"

Mamoru -

"the ORIGINAL autistic magical boy."

Shizuka -

"he's the most emotionally intelligent & mentally stable member of the cast & he's in love with the least emotionally intelligent & most emotionally volatile character ever. he's constantly got the vibe of looking into the camera like he's in the office while he's dealing with everyone else's bullshit. he's so steadfast & loyal that it makes me want to cry. he's so bad at expressing himself in a way that other people understand that for the longest time the boy he's in love with thinks that Doumeki doesn't even like him."

Idia -

"He’s a shut-in weirdo with long messy hair, a sleep deprived look in his eyes, and one of the few students to have a hoodie as part of his school uniform. He’s a prodigal tech genius with the vibes of burn out and depression. He’s usually quite meek around people, but when he clicks with a conversation topic, he gets all energetic and fired up and sometimes a bit haughty too. To avoid going out of his room and interacting with people face to face, he invented a mobile tablet with text to speech. He stays up all night playing video games and while he has trouble with IRL relationships, he’s made a genuine friend out of one of his gaming buddies (who he doesn’t realize is actually one of his classmates). He stans an idol group and once got into a hacking war against some dorm mates over it. He rebuilt his dead brother as a robot who has become somewhat of a therapist to him. The only reason he went out on a holiday vacation with school acquaintances is due to the location being featured in an anime, then bonded with the one guy’s grandma when he realized his favorite girl was based on her. For the Halloween celebration, he convinced his dorm to theme themselves after his favorite B horror movie, constantly infodumping to people about it and going all out in recreating the special effects. In Book 5, he has a minor background arc of being forced to do public speaking. In another Halloween event, he was forced to be a back-up singer and managed to pull through despite the social anxiety. He’s the most autistic student in all of Night Raven College and possibly in all of Twisted Wonderland too."

[autisticlancemcclain]

What’s your most hated fandom characterization for each of the main 7?

hoo boy am i glad you asked. although i’m gonna be real, my issue is less with fandom characterization, because you do you i don’t give a shit, and more with how people go batty if you personally are not a fan of fanon characterizations.

like, lemme be obvious and talk about my biggest example. i am a brown eyed lance truther. we know this. the amount of weirdo comments, weirdo DMs, and weirdo asks i get is atrocious. i post a lot of them bc they’re so stupid they’re funny but the amount of people per week that tell me to kill myself is lowkey wild. the amount of people that love to say some variation of “i liked your fic but you ruined it by making lances eyes brown! his eyes are blue!” and i’ve checked other brown eyed truther’s fics — either they delete their comments better than me, or they do not get the same thing. idk what the deal is lol.

i will concede to the point that i’m a contrarian and annoying about it, but a list of the following non-fanon headcanons/characterizations i hold that have been commented on in some derisive way:

- bitchy hunk (lol)

- non “cinnamon roll too pure and baby and good for this world” hunk*

- allura is a good character (🤡)**

- allura is a sweetheart

- allura is not a drill sergeant

- kuron was a good iteration of shiro

- red paladin lance/black paladin keith/blue paladin allura

- retired shiro

- pidge is not cruel

- pidge is not an infant and can handle things a regular 14-15 year old can handle

- small details are irrelevant (think lances family, exact prekerb details, etc)

- keith gyeong and lance sanchez

- fucking brown eyed lance. i’m saying it again

- tall keith

- non omega keith***

- readmores

- autistic lance

- adhd keith

- non asshole/cruel keith

- comphetting gay lance****

- shallura

- bi shiro, demi keith, essentially any sexuality headcanon that isn’t mainstream

- hunk who isn’t food obsessed

- that’s about it

*stop infantilising hunk

**the allura hate is ridiculous and largely rooted in anti-Blackness. it should not be a fight to say that she had a reason to feel betrayed by keith’s heritage, that she did not “get in the way” of klance, that her death was stupid and ridiculous, that she is often pushed over in favour of klance (not as in she’s less popular, but that her/her death are used as a plot device to further klance), and that she is as interesting, nuanced, and multifaceted as the rest of them.

***people, inevitably, feminize characters in fandoms (largely because many people in fandom are young women, i know i feminize characters simply bc i’m making them like me and i’m feminine lol), and my issue is that people (in the general sense, not everybody) love to feminize keith and then get really mad if anyone else is feminized. this is not about fem or trans woman keith btw. this is about people omega-ifying him and then losing their MINDS if i don’t share that headcanon.

****i literally only wrote this once and then never again because people lost their minds. but as much as i love bi lance, i think it’s interesting that usually, when we see “boy crazy” or “girl crazy” characters, especially if they have a lot of chemistry or homoerotic tension with a same-gender character, people are like oh ya that’s comphetting. that character is desperately trying to outrun the gay thoughts. but with lance, who was definitely girl crazy and cared more about having a girlfriend than actually dating and falling in love (think “mrs blue lion” — he didn’t give a fuck about who he was marrying, so long that it was a girl), calling him gay will have people saying you’re erasing bisexuality. as if he was not fucking straight in the show. so.

sorry this is so bitter and ranty lol. been in a mood

[autolenaphilia]

Misandry is not real

Apparently some of the transmisandry/androphobia people have evolved into believing in just plain old misandry now.

Which is such an absurd concept, because we live in a patriarchy. Misandry is the idea that men are oppressed for being men. And the problem with that is that they are not. Not that men can't be oppressed, but they are oppressed for other reasons.

For fuck's sake. I realize not everyone has had my experiences of listening to men talk while they believe i'm one of them while actually listening with critical distance and being secretly horrified. But come on.

cw for discussions of rape, because i have to explain some things.

The father joking about shooting his daughter's boyfriends is a jokey expression of ownership over his daughter. It's the old misogynist idea that daughters are the property of their fathers until they get married and become property of their husbands. And fathers are still often a bit uncomfortable with their daughters exercising autonomy in who they choose to date and marry. The dad wants her to only marry a man he approves of. And that sentiment is expressed in a joke.

And like men are worried over other men being predatory and raping "their" women, but it's again an expression of ownership over women. Misogynist men view women as a resource men compete over. And are offended by rape only when it's committed by other men and they view it as essentially theft. Like until the 1960s rape was defined legally as only happening outside of marriage (and these laws took decades to change, these legal reforms just started in the 60s). Husbands could force sex from their wives as much as they want. The worry was solely about men raping women who belonged to other men. Due to white supremacy, this is often expressed in fears of black men raping white women, who are seen as belonging to white men.

And you can see this in how narratives of rape are still focused on the "stranger danger". The weirdo in a ski mask hiding in the bushes. Despite rape being way more often committed by boyfriends and husbands. The weirdo hiding in the bushes is a way of externalizing the problem of rape upon men coded autistic or mentally ill, which is ableism not misandry.

And the threat is not seen as exclusively coming from other men. Cis lesbians are still seen as women, and a part of lesbophobia is them being accused of being sexual predators against other women. That's not misandry. The fear over sapphic trans women raping cis women is just a particularly virulent form of that. It's particularly bad because sapphic trans women live at the intersection of misogyny, transphobia and lesbophobia.

Masculinity is full of fears about women being threatened by rape. But this is not a concern about men having sex with women without consent in general. If a man are seen as the rightful owner of a woman he can rape her as much as he wants. So it's not about misandry about men as a group. It's about other men violating that ownership, and the men who are bad in these narratives are viewed as such because of things like race.

These other negative stereotypes that men supposedly believe about themselves, queer people like me and the transmasc writing the post i quoted might view them as solely negative. And we do that for good reason. But I don't think that's how the men who internalize these ideas about masculinity sees them. Instead they are viewed as positives.

Their anger and aggression is righteous, men need it to defend family and nation against aggressors. The "stupidity" is seen in anti-intellectual terms as a clear focus on the facts and common sense as opposed to ivory tower academic theorizing that have lost contact with reality (such as gender studies and queer theory). Conservative Masculine men often have a fascistoid contempt for weakness (i wish harald ofstad was translated to english), so having little empathy for suffering is seen as good. Empathizing with women, trans people or immigrants is seen as making you vulnerable to manipulation from them. The narrative of the trans woman asking to be seen as a woman and be let into women's bathrooms to commit rape is a good example of this kind of anti-empathy narrative. There is similar rhetoric about immigrants.

And the thing about how men should either die in war or work hard to provide for their family. These things are seen as positive by mainstream society, men are glorified as heroes for doing them. And such work is glorified in a way that women's work is not. Like i'm a leftist and thus critical both of militarism and capitalist ideology about work, but those are the problem, not some mythical misandry.

Outside of some feminist spaces, (cis) men being masculine is seen as a good thing. And those deemed men by society are punished for not fulfilling them. Feminists see those same stereotypes as being bad. Masculinity does limit men, but it also is an expression of power in a patriarchy. It gives them a license to do horrible things towards women. Not just women of course, masculinity also legitimatizes violence against non-binary people, and even other men as masculinity plays a huge part in homophobia but also racism.

(gods, considering the rhetoric i've seen sometimes, I, a proud trans woman, will probably be accused of being a terf for writing this, which is basic feminist analysis. LIke people have no idea of what radfem ideology actually means, and confuse like basic feminist analysis with radfem appropriation of that analysis. Like the actual problems with radfem ideology like bioessentialism, transmisogyny and swerfery seem to not be part of some people's terf spotting radar. )

Speaking of transmisogyny, this is what made me really angry with this post, because it's personal.

I don't know how to put this gently, but saying that transmisogyny is actually due to hatred of men is actually really transmisogynistic. This is not the only post on the interwebs that do this, not by far, but it's galling everytime.

This is not even the worst of it, because at least it partially attributes our oppression to misogyny.

But this kind of rhetoric is still misgendering trans women. It defines us in the discussion of our oppression through the misgendering rhetoric of transmisogynists. It claims to oppose transmisogyny as it furthers it, gives weight to its rhetoric.

It takes transmisogynist claims at face value. Like the basic claim of terf rhetoric is that "We are just concerned about men hurting women, and trans women are men, so they have to kept from female spaces." And these posts just accepts the idea that this kind of thing is aimed at men, except its clearly not, because men aren't hurt by this in the slightest, trans women are. Men aren't seen as infiltrating women's spaces to rape them, trans women are. Men aren't excluded from public spaces by things like bathrooms bans, trans women are.

When you can't go to the bathroom safely, you are efffectively excluded or at least strongly limited from going out in public.

The problem is that it imagines transmisogyny as solely consisting of iinterpersonal interactions and hateful rhetoric instead of a system of structural oppression that turns transfems into a discriminated and oppressed underclass in all patriarchal societies.

And transfems is an underclass that don't have their own oppression in common with cis men, as this "transmisogyny is actually misandry" ideaimplies, but in fact are oppressed by them.

It's basically a claim that doesn't believe trans women are women, but gender non-conforming men. It's basically saying If trans women don't pass as cis, and are therefore misgendered as men, that means we are oppressed as men. It thus furthers the inherent transmisogyny in that misgendering. It ignores our womanhood to discuss our being oppressed as men. It's absurd since cis men aren't at all oppressed like we are.

Again, men can be oppressed, but they aren't oppressed for being men and trans women definitely aren't oppressed for being men. A meaningful solidarity in fighting oppression between some trans women and some men can be grounded in other forms of oppression that affect members of both groups like racism or ableism or transphobia, but there is no single oppression of misandry that unites them.

Cis men are just not treated like trans women are. Misgendering us as men is not giving us the male privilege they have. That kind of misgendering rhetoric is a way to hurt us with words instead of some honest description of the the violence that is being enacted upon us.

I'm not saying that gender non-conforming men (and homophobia against gay men is strongly related to that) aren't oppressed. But they are not oppressed for being men, they are oppressed for their gender non-conformity. And the hatred and disgust against men for being feminine is strongly related to misogyny, because being feminine or womanlike is seen as bad or lesser.

That's because misogyny is a fundamental part of how a patriarchal society operates. Misandry is not real.

[angelmichelangelo]

so i just want to talk about the whole donnie and april thing from the 2012 series since i have a lot of thoughts on them both and need somewhere to just. get it out my system.

so off the bat im gonna say i’m pretty neutral about the april/donnie ship. i.. don’t really care for it but if it’s there it’s not gonna overly bother me. i’m pretty much on the fence for most things tmnt ship related (though, big exception for woodyangelo just cus. lol) that being said i do have some thoughts about how it was handled in the 2012 show.

as most people might agree, the writing for these two wasn’t great. i think, just in my humble opinion, that the writers kinda ping ponged back and forth depending on fandom criticism of the ship. one minute the relationship seemed to be slowly developing, a nice easy slow burn and then it’d take a sharp turn and it was back to a lot of uncomfortable pining and uncertainty as to where they would both end up. i think the writers wanted to appease both ends of the fandom here by making it somewhat ambiguous but it kinda blew up in their faces. big time.

so then you have the people who put all the blame on april for this. “she’s leading donnie on!” “she’s playing with both donnie and casey!” “she just wants the attention!” and, yeah. maybe. but here’s my defence: (bad writing aside for a moment, let’s pretend that all of this was done on purpose) april doesn’t know what she wants. when we meet april in the show it’s evident that she’s a little dorky and uncool and she doesn’t have ANY friends. she has irma but it seems to be one of those friendships built out of pure convenience. “oh you don’t have friends, i don’t have friends. cool. let’s hang out.” in every scene they have together it’s awkward and weird because they don’t really seem to click. april has like, as little social skills as the turtles. she doesn’t have friends let alone have TWO guys show her any appreciation and affection. how is she supposed to know how to deal with all that? she’s a teenage girl, feelings are complicated.

and some people might blame donnie. “he kept persisting even when she gave clear hints” “he was being a weirdo about it” “he made her uncomfortable” donnie is a teenage boy who happens to be a mutant. a mutant that lives underground and had never even MET a girl until they saved april. donnie’s only point of reference for romance is what he’s most likely seen on tv or in books. it’s that really cheesy affectionate stuff that might work in movies, but in real life is just strange. donnie has even less social skills that april. he’s only ever had his brothers and dad to talk to. he doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings properly because up until he met april, he probably never even knew what it was to have a crush on somebody

my headcanon for these two is that donnie is clearly autistic. he’s very overly empathetic towards april but can’t understand why his efforts aren’t paying off like he thinks they will. i think april being a young teenage girl with a lot on her plate, might not recognise why donnie is acting this way. ive seen a lot of people also headcanon that april is aromantic which i totally 100% love and agree with. i don’t think she recognises this in the way donnie recognises his own autism. it causes them to clash, and neither of them really understand why that is, and can’t quite communicate it to the other until they’ve figured themselves out.

a lot of people say that 2012 ruined the donnie and april friendship that was pretty strong throughout the franchise but honestly, even the 2003 show had pepperings of donnie’s slight crush on april, even back then. it’s not as obvious but it was definitely there. obviously it never got brought up, which imo is a little heartbreaking to think of poor don harbouring these secret feelings for his friend and then having to just. get over it when she marries casey but i think their friendship is still pretty special to them both that it eventually stops becoming an issue for him.

2012 donnie was a social wreck. he had no clue what he was doing and i think the writers could have done waaaay better in making that less of a fault and more of just. idk. just something that made people hate him a little less. it’s in the same vein as mikey’s adhd. i think the writing was a product of its time and that’s why mutant mayhem tackles those issues way way better than 2012 ever did.

it could also be said that donnie and april don’t even really have a lot in common, like some iterations. she’s smart but she’s not a scientist, and donnie’s crush is first of all born out of just physical looks, meaning that maybe donnie just happened to latch onto her because he felt a teeny glimpse of normality (“i could love a girl and she could love me back”) and kinda just held onto that. any of the other girls in the show, donnie doesn’t really draw himself towards but that’s because the other girls are mostly his brothers love interests and donnie is a firm believing in sticking to the bro code lmao (although maybe just from mikey’s perspective, but donnie does seem quite friendly with renet but that might have just been a 2003 callback perhaps, but they have more in common than her and mikey do)

all in all, the donnie/april thing could have been handled way better, especially with casey thrown into the mix. but is there one person solely responsible for the way their relationship played out? absolutely not. they both crossed some boundaries and both made some mistakes that backfired but like i said, they are far from perfect and looking back on their arc together, it’s a little heartbreaking to see how.. unsure they both are, of themselves and of each other. but that’s just my two cent on the whole thing.

i don’t think female characters were the 2012 writers strong point sadly and april suffered as a result but i genuinely think in her good moments, she shines. and donnie isn’t a creep, he’s just a good kid that wants to find his own happiness, even if he looks in the wrong places, both their intentions are good, i believe.

okay rant over sound off in the tags/replies what you think of the donnie/april dynamic in 2012 😎

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Sully Family stranger things au: interracial married couple Jake and Neytiri moves their mixed raced Family to Indiana Hawkins were their kids gets mixed up with a strange kid who escaped from a lap called spider

OH BITCH, okay, what a fun little idea.

As a person with taste, the first season of Stranger Things is the best and I'll probably just focus on that. Idk if you want to stay in the 80s, because if you do, their family is NOT treated well. Freak adopted Autistic coded Kiri, my-emotions-are-too-big-for-me biracial Lo'ak, and nerd biracial Neteyam who keeps hanging out with his younger siblings all the time? Weirdos. EVEN MORE SO if Neytiri is an immigrant and Jake is in a wheelchair, god, this poor 80's Reagan era suburban town can't handle them at all. What's one more freak, right?

So, I'm thinking that Neytiri is a lawyer involved with human rights abuses, her and Jake are passionate advocates ever since the war crimes that occurred in Neytiri's home country that Jake was a witness to and was injured during. Neytiri is a passionate speaker and advocate, while Jake tends to be on the sidelines more, preferring to counsel victims one on one and aid in physical therapy. They move to Indiana after someone broke into their house and tried to attack Neytiri. She didn't want to leave, but Jake convinced her to do her work mostly remotely until the older three kids graduate.

Before I go on, who's gonna be our Mike in this story?? Which Sully child is going to fall instantly in love with Spider on sight? We must decide.

[computerpeople]

various until dawn headcanons im insanely attached to.

Chris was diagnosed with autism pretty young and he and Josh were in the same special ed programs in school (Chris for his diagnosed autism, Josh for his behavioral issues) which is both how they met and why Chris knows about Joshs mental health.

Jessica is ALSO super autistic, but no one's aware of it, or even assumed due to her having the whole "hot girl" thing going on. She's very Jennifer Coolidge.

Jess has a crush on Josh

Emily has NPD.

Josh and Chris both went through a magician/magic tricks phase at the same time.

Ashley's a pretty popular girlblogger on tumblr known for her sort of dry humor and political opinions, but it's moreso on like this side of tumblr (mentally ill girlblogger shit) instead of like cute girl photographs like ppl interpreted her to be

Josh listens to a lot of experimental music as well as a lot of foreign music. He likes obscure sounds/instruments. I think he also really likes noise music.

Chris listens to a lot of generic white boy rock, bowling for soup, blink-182, etc, and regularly teases josh for listening to stuff that hurts his head

Ashley listens to a lot of "generic" tumblrcore musicians (hozier, mitski, AJJ) on the surface level, but I think when alone she listens to almost only ambient music or white noise.

Beth wants to be a tattoo artist and uses She/They pronouns

Hannah has BPD

Matt is the youngest of four.

Josh was diagnosed with cluster B

Melinda Washington is actually Bobs second wife, the divorce between Joshs biological parents is what triggered his symptoms to start manifesting at age 11. Bob got married to Melinda shortly after Joshs 13th birthday.

Matt is the least artsy of them all, but is also the least traumatized. Matt is regarded as their singular "mentally stable" friend

Hannah exclusively hung out with the popular kids, she often tried to blend in or mask as hard as possible. She would've rather been friends with popular people who hate her, then weirdos who like her. This caused a lot of issues between her and her siblings, who were arguably "weirdos who liked her"

Josh is closer to Beth than Hannah, but Josh relates to Hannah more than he does Beth. They are closer not out of relatability but because Josh has a tendency to accidently set off Hannah. This is something he was trying very hard to work on in therapy (you can see the behjavior hed set her off with when you fail the flashlight QRTs with Sam)

[lesbiansanemi]

I was never the “weird kid in school” growing up, because I was homeschooled. So I was then “the weird kid in the family” because other children I was blood related to were the only people I was allowed to spend time around. And they weren’t “allowed” to be mean to or bully me because obviously I was family and they’d get in trouble. So, I got that brand of bullying that specifically a lot of autistic kids gets where they were subtlety making fun of me and I never realized but I had vague notions something was wrong and they secretly didn’t like me and could never figure it out and when I tried confiding in adults over it I was told I was insane and being over dramatic. You know the drill

Specifically, there were two girl cousins I grew up with that were REALLY really bad about it. They thought I was a weirdo and a freak and annoying and one of them actually frequently made fun of me for being a lesbian before I was really even fully aware of what a lesbian even was (she was the only one of us who wasn’t homeschooled and so overly sheltered)

One of them, after high school when we coincidentally began working the same job when covid first happened, I eventually ended up being chill with. She apologized, and she never had a very easy life either (which I always knew), and we’re fine now. She’s actually one of the very few people on my mom’s side of the family I still talk with, and she doesn’t get along with most of them either. The other one…. We never even saw each other again after high school, and stopped speaking several years before that

Anyways, I was talking with the one I was chill with today, and apparently the other girl is getting married. She asked if I was coming to the wedding and I was like oh yeah no I didn’t even know that was happening and she was like. Oh. She said she sent you an invitation? Which is so funny to me because this girl DEFINITELY does not know where I live, meaning she either sent the invite to my mother’s, or she lied to the other girl and said she invited me and both are really amusing but also I’m like. Why would she even think about inviting me to her wedding we haven’t spoken in like 7-8 years and I know my other cousin didn’t ask if she invited me or not, the other girl had to have brought it up. It’s just odd lol

[leuke-rants]

Some fan facts about the four heroes in my rewrite of trotsh:

Motoyasu:

- He is half Finish-half Japanese. I like the idea of Motoyasu being a natural blond so he has to get the genes from somewhere.

- He is ambidextrous, though he favours his right hand.

- He has excellent memory and can learn things very fast if he wants to. I think this is kinda canon considering he learned the Melromarc language in just one day.

- He can speak four languages: Japanese, English, Finish and French (five if you count Melromarc's language)

- He majors in linguistics

- He is really into fashion and wanted to major in fashion but his mother shut down the idea rather quickly. Too many girls in that major .....

- He knows how to sew and cook (he is an average cook)

- Although he is very flirty and doesn't mind the idea of having a girlfriend he does not want to get married. His parents marriage is proof enough that it doesn't end well for either parties.

- He is a certified himbo

- He is a people pleaser and doesn't like making others upset.

- He trusts women more that men.

Naofumi:

- He is a very relaxed and lay back guy

- He knows how to read people and acts accordingly.

- Used to take care of his younger brother when his parents were at work so he has a soft spot for children.

- Just like his brother he has anger issues. He learned to control his anger over the years and even helped his little brother with his.

- He is generally friendly but his introverted nature make him seem unapproachable.

- He is rather distant and may seem a little cold to strangers but once you get to know him he is a the sweetest guy ever.

- His parents were so busy with work so he basically raised his brother.

- Learned how to cook for himself and his brother since their parents were barely home. He is an excellent cook and always tries recipes from different cuisines

- Just like his father he has a talent for the trading business. Because of that he majors in international trade.

- H is e also very good at gambling and knows how to manage money. Thankfully he reserves his talent for card games with his friends.

- He has no idea how to talk to women his age so whenever a girl approaches him he becomes a stuttering mess . He can talk to them normally if they are close friends or talking business.

Ren:

- The most antisocial person you will ever meet.

- He is autistic.

- He noticed that people treated him differently and not in a good way. Because of this he became really closed off.

- He puts the 'Too good to talk to you" persona so that people will leave him alone.

- He found solace in video games and spends most of his times in his room.

- He doesn't know he is autistic, he just thinks that people dislike him for no reason.

- Although he loves his parents and they love him back they have no idea what is wrong with their son and they can't seem to understand his problems.

- He has a bad reputation among the students for being the "creepy-quite kid". The teachers don't mind him,he is quite and has pretty good grades.

- He has no idea he is autistic.

- He really loves cats. His parents noticed this and bought him one. He named her after his favourite video game character and has been his close companion ever since.

- He is extremely blunt and people don't like that. That's the reason he has only one friend.

- He finds it easier to talk to people through the internet. He has a lot of online friends and they even have a discord chat together.

- His only friend is a senior girl from his school. They met at a comic con and became friends after they realized they liked the same anime and video games.

- He started to have a crush on her and fell in love after she defended him from her friends who thought he was a weirdo.

- He became heartbroken after she moved away and vowed to never get close to anyone ever again.

- After that he became more cold and intolerant of people.

Itsuki:

- Lives with his mother in an apartment complex.

- His father always told him to protect his mother and stick up for the little guys and he took that advise very seriously.

- He is being bullied for being a late bloomer and for his feminine features.

- He always defends other kids from bullying and isn't afraid to throw a punch. Because of that he gets into a lot of trouble.

- He has a talent for archery. He found out during gym class and ever since he took part in competitions and tournaments to earn some money and help his mother.

- He has dyslexia and isn't aware of it. Because of this his grades are not the best. He doesn't tell his mother about his problem because he doesn't want to burden her.

- He is very flexible and pretty good at gymnastics.

- He gets frustrated rather easily and can lose his temper quickly.

- He will either think things through or act on impulse, there is no in-between.

- He really likes animals and feeds the strays very often.

Well that's all I have so far. Perhaps I "ll make a part 2 or give information about their allies,who knows?

[slutforsnow]

I swear im trying for chapter 6 of The Blue Note 😔 My fyp isnt giving more astv edits 🥲 anyways, to feed the twilight community im here to offer

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✨️A JASPER X OC FIC✨️

A Cowboy's Dream

Character info:

Name: Eliana (el-e-anna) Smith

Nicknames: Eli (El-e), Ana, Silly, Star Girl

Insults: Accident, Freak, Weirdo, r-slur

Age: 17

Birthday: April 6th

Blood type: O-

Mental illness/disorder: Autism

Sexuality: Omnisexual

Gender: Female she/her

Backstory: Eliana was born in with a semi-normal family. She had a father, Michael, and a mother, Terra. When Eli had turned about 6 months old when Michael realized he was gay and wanted a divorce. Terra went along with it, as she was a closeted lesbian. She couldn't stand being in a marriage with a man, so once the divorce was finalized, Michael and Terra stayed friends but went to live on their lives. Terra kept Eliana, as Michael wasn't sure that traveling in a van would be safe for a 6 month old, and met her later wife -Vanessa- when Ana was 3. They got married on Eli's birthday, with her permission of course, and have given Eliana the world and more that a girl could ask for while living in Forks, Washington. Michael comes to visit Eliana for special days just whenever she wants to see him because Terra and Vanessa decided that it'd be good for her to have connection to her father, despite calling him "Uncle Mike." Eliana was diagnosed with autism at 7 years old after she had a meltdown about having to sleep on silk sheets in a hotel that the 3 women were staying at for a trip.

She's lived in Forks her entire life and doesn't mind the quietness or rain because at night, when the rain clears, she see the stars and often draws pictures out whatever shape(s) she sees in them.

START NOTE: IM AUTISTIC AND CAN RECLAIM THE R SLUR. I WILL AVOID USING IT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE SO IT MAY ONLY POP UP 1 OR 2 TIMES. If people are uncomfortable, I'll remove the slur from the story entirely <3

First Meeting

"Do I not look Italian-?" Eli asked, laughing as Mike was in shock learning the autistic member of the group was Italian.

"No, you look white-!! Like, white white." Mike protested as Eliana walked with Bella to her truck.

"Bye bye, Mikey~!" She called as Bella shook her head and ruffled Eliana's dual colored hair.

"So, I'm guessing you and Mikey are close?" Bella questioned as Eliana moved closer to her to avoid bumping into the Cullens.

"Eehhhh, if you wanna call teasing each other like siblings close because you're both only children then yes...? Besides, we grew up neighbors, so we see each other every day and let me tell you- being surrounded by loud neurotypicals hurts like hell."

"Really?" Bella looked up at Eliana as the smaller female sat on the hood of the car. "I thought they were ok- a bit better than the people back in Arizona."

"Ehhh, depends on the person. Since I'm autistic, and I don't speak for every autistic person, I have sensory issues meaning I can't handle super loud crowds or friend groups. But they were my only friends, so I sucked it up as best as I could and dealt with it. You, however, aren't autistic and don't really mix with the loud crowd and tend to avoid them as much as possible," Eliana explained pulling a marker out of her patch-filled messenger bag and started to draw stars along her left arm.

"Oh.. that makes sense, yeah," Bella replied after a moment, watching Eliana draw on herself. Throughout the day, Bella noted that Eli would do this whenever a certain blonde was around. According to Jessica, Eliana has had a thing for one of the mysterious Cullens- Jasper. Yet, he was seemingly taken by Alice. It hurt Eliana, so she took to drawing on herself to avoiding staring at him and causing drama.

Yet, every so often, Jasper would catch himself staring at her and he looked away, attempting, and failing, to not be caught.

The reason why the pair did this was because Jasper saved her life exactly 3 years ago today.

"Are you serious dude? The Freak?" A student inquired, laughing his ass off as Eli walked passed, clutching her books and not noticing the 5 squares of toilet paper stuck to the bottom of her shirt.

"Yeah! I mean, besides, it's not like anyone's going to stand up for the retard and won't it be awesome to humiliate it in front of the whole school?" The student's friend spoke up, grinning and seeing Eliana walk to class faster to avoid being seen crying out of distress.

Later that day, Eli had forgotten all about the worry of being humiliated. She felt safe and at peace. Besides, she had gotten to talk to one of her more mysterious classmates, Rosalie, today and she promised to help Eli get a good hair-do that would make her feel happy.

Life felt perfect and completely worry-free... until one of her bullies kicked her in the back and caused her to trip down the stairs of the building and fall into the wet pavement.

She groaned, rolling onto her side and hugging her ribs as blood ran down her face from her nose and her head spun in dizziness. She was in so much pain that she didn't process a car come barreling down to her until she heard a large crash and a familiar voice yell.

Two sets of hands pulled her up, eliciting a cry of pain from the younger as pressure was put onto her right foot. One of the 'strangers' whom had helped her up, scooped her up bridal style as she began to fall in and out of consciousness.

After a few hours had gone by, Eliana woke up, groaning.

"Ah, I see you're awake, Eliana. You gave us a scare there," a gentle and friendly voice said earning a tiny smile from the teen.

"Hi, Dr. Carlisle..." She groaned out, putting a hand to her head and flinching in the process.

"Hi, dear," he greeted, sympathetically and gently running his hand through her long bright blonde hair. The doctor cared deeply for her and she loved him like he was her dad. "Can you tell me what happened this time?"

"I- uhmmm... I don't think I remember a lot of it..." She told him, honestly and shrugging a tad. Carlisle merely smiled reassuringly.

"It's alright, you don't have to try and remember all of it now, but would you be able to give me a gist of what happened?" He questioned, sitting in one of the rolly stools while checking her heartbeat.

"Uhmm... I think I tripped down the stairs... and then hit my head really hard, but I don't remember anything after that," She told him, trying to focus on the light he was using to check her eyes.

"You tripped? Eli... these injuries don't typically come from tripping down the stairs- accident prone or not," Carlisle started, looking at her and she moved her gaze to her hands. "Are you sure someone didn't kick you down the stairs or anything?"

Eliana tensed and stayed quiet. She didn't want the senior to get in trouble, but her silence did confirm that someone did kick her down the stairs.

"Eli..? Come on, you can't stay quiet for this, honey. Jasper and Rosalie already told Chief Swan everything that they know and he's waiting to talk to you downstairs, as he's wanting to know if your mothers will press charges against whomever hurt you and, apparently, tried to run you over."

"He's gonna kill me if I say anything though..." Eli buried her face into her knee that she could move and groaned audibly.

"But he also could be behind bars. Freedom from him, Eliana, wouldn't that be nice?" Ana paused for a moment and nodded a bit, earning a kind smile from Carlisle.

However, before Carlisle could continue, one of the Cullens entered the room with Eliana's stuff. This one must've been Jasper, due to the fancy shirt he wore and his wavy/curly blonde locks were pushed out of his face that as Rosalie had described.

"Ah, Jasper, here with Eliana's things. Thank you, son," He said as Jasper sat her bag by her shoes and nodded, then went to leave, not making eye contact with either.

"Hey, Jasper-?.. uhm... Thanks.. to you and the other person who helped," Eliana called. Jasper had froze at the door when she called his name. He'd never heard it said so... kindly and softly before. There was no sound of reassurance or manipulation behind it- just pure gratitude and the blonde could sense that from her, even without his power.

Partially turning to face her, he smiled at her kindly.

"You're welcome, ma'am. I'm just glad to see you're not bleedin too bad," He said to her, with his Southern accent coming out before leaving the room. This left Carlisle chuckling softly at his son for sneaking in a thank-you to her for not causing him to go feral and Eliana completely in love with him.

[darkaviarymc]

So why tf are you living with a zionist? And why tf did you get married to one in the first place?

I've gotten anons asking invasive questions about my relationship with Troy and why I have yet to end it, and I've deleted each one. I don't know if you're the same anon, but I'm guessing you follow me because my latest #aviisleaving post has no notes and was less than an hour old when I received this ask.

But.

Due to recent events in this fandom, abuse has become a spotlight topic. I don't know if I would call my marriage abusive or not. But whether or not it is, my situation and my reasons for staying in it for the time being is similar to what abusive victims face. There are many reasons not to leave, to bide your time before leaving, and to not be able to leave at the time or even at all, and I think it's an important discussion to have.

I'll start by explaining why I'm with him in the first place. We used to be closer ideologically. He wasn't always this far right and (this is where I make a confession that idk if I'm actually ready to make, but here we go) I wasn't always this far left. Seven years does a lot to change people, for better or worse. I was a left-leaning centerist, he was a right-leaning centerist, and we met in the middle to either compromise or peacefully agree to disagree.

We were both nerdy autistic weirdos with the same taste in music, same sense of humor, and enough ideologically in common to make peace. He got along well with my daughter and was quick to let me know that, if we ever got married, he'd consider her his kid as if she was his own.

I'm hyper-romantic. I see romance basically everywhere I look, and I fall in love hard and fast. He wasn't used to having a woman (my egg hadn't cracked yet, we'll get to that) who wasn't an absolute bitch be interested in him, so he fell harder than he ever had. We also both hated our situation at home, and I wouldn't pretend that wasn't a factor. We rushed the relationship and got married before we'd been together a year.

Everything changed for me when I realized I was queer.

I found the community I'd been denying for my whole life, and I learned a lot. He was an ally then. A flawed one, but he was willing to try. He was supportive of me when I came out, first as bisexual and then as nonbinary.

But everything changed for him when the wreck happened. He was driving with our mutual best friend in the front passenger seat when he lost control on black ice and slid into oncoming traffic. Our friend died at the scene, and Troy's injuries left him permanently disabled. He's since regained his independence, but he'll always struggle with his left arm.

We both took solace in our faith (I'd still consider myself a Christian, feel how you feel about that, I've heard it all) but he got lost in Christian Reddit, then Christian TikTok. Christian TikTok led to Evangelical TikTok, which led to transphobic, homophobic, MAGA, and zionist TikTok.

He ate that shit up. He fucking chugged that kool-aid. It gave him something besides himself to be angry at.

Grief opened my mind and closed his. It softened my heart and hardened his.

It just went downhill from there.

And now I can't live with this. I know he can't either, and the only reason he hasn't initiated a separation is because 1) there's no biblical grounds for divorce because I haven't cheated on him, and 2) he doesn't think a fat, autistic, disabled nerd in his 30s with a small dick and $30,000 in medical debt could ever find a godly wife. His words, not mine.

So if I want what's best for myself, my daughter, and yes, even for Troy, I need to be the one to leave.

So why haven't I yet?

First and foremost, money. We live in a society blah blah blah. Our society isn't friendly single mothers, queer people, or disabled people, and I'm about to be all three. I need to be 100% certain that I can support not only myself, but a high support needs autistic teen daughter who will likely never be able to live independently.

We currently only have one working vehicle, and aren't in a financial place to remedy that. I will need my own form of transportation if I'm going to be on my own.

All of my preparations (housing, transportation, moving logistics, etc) will have to be enacted quickly and perfectly. Surgical precision packing, moving, and stocking up on groceries so I don't have to leave the house for a while within 24 hours. Why? Because his family can't have any forewarning. I would not be safe. Currently, I'm not safe emotionally, but if I mess up even one step off the plan, if I'm not perfect in my exit strategy, I won't be safe physically, and neither will my daughter. I won't elaborate further on that.

Not only do I have to leave perfectly, but I have to be 150% positive months in advance that I can keep perfect. Because he has friends and family in places that could be dangerous for me, not the least of which is CPS. I fully expect to have them at my door by the end of the first month. I can't give them cause to take my daughter, even if it's the smallest, stupidest thing. Especially since they'll already have a small, stupid thing. Namely, my queerness and my disability.

Because I'm under no impression whatsoever that Troy won't out me to every single person who I can't safely be out to the instant he gets the chance. I will have no more help from (and possibly no contact with) my family. I will be completely alone. My support system will be gone forever. I have to be emotionally, mentally, and financially ready for that.

And I am none of those things right now.

And until I am, I have to do whatever I can to keep myself safe enough to bide my time for the right opportunity.

[v1-kisser]

Random tidbits abt U.ltrakill S/I :O (More UTC)

Musically, he is associated with the bass guitar (Similarly to how V.1 is associated with drums, V.2 piano, G.abriel organ etc etc)

It goes well with V.1's drums I think, explains their dynamic nicely too. Levi is the more artistic, emotional, grounding force between the two. While V.1 is more energetic and assertive. They're DnB :) <3

He's not attracted to humans at all, only machines. If you asked him at age 7 who he was gonna marry one day he'd say "A big robot." and then show you his many drawings of various war machines

Yes he is autistic

His parents brushed it off as a phase

It was not a phase

He did have one or two human partners but even though he loved them, the only way he could feel attracted to them was if he imagined that they were secretly robots, Terminator style

He can't stand the cold. He'll start fires (like campfires) because he loves warm, and V.1 likes watching things burn. Tbh Levi likes that part too

His ass does not know how to shave w/o slicing his face open and tearing up in a manly masculine way. His facial hair is so patchy and raggedy but luckily nobody cares because it's the end of the world.

His favorite color is blue

He loses the idgaf war every. single. time. He cannot stand apathy. "I don't care" is his least favorite sentence, and he'd rather care too much about everything than not care about anything at all

His mbti is INFP and if he knew the stereotypes for them he'd wanna hurl

Despite being a weirdo he is great at explaining human functions/needs/traditions. He's studied human behavior extensively to appear more normal, and it paid off because there are a LOT of things V.1 doesn't understand about it.

He would LOVE roller coasters, he likes it when V.1 picks him up and dashes around because. Fast!

He likes the taste and smell of blood

[huraiyra]

my mom and all the aunties are hell-bent on getting me arranged married except y'all know I'm autistic (hates strangers and loves their alone time) and not into men and in general a weirdo. I'm being forced to never say no, and all these normie men do is imagine that I'm his subservient dream wife/mom and then get mad that I'm not. I'm scared that theyre trying to funnel me from one toxic household to another. I have no tolerance left I've been abused my whole life and all my niceness is gone, if a strange MAN tells me I have to have a baby and grow out my hair and treat him like he's better than me I will fake my death and leave him, I am dead serious. if anyone hits me again I will bite. if my parents get me married against my will, after they stop torturing me to be nice to him they will have a scandal of a bride who ran away on their wedding night and I will die on the street before I come back. I have nothing funny to add I'm miserable. I give up on hoping I spontaneously die, or that someone comes and saves me. I want to move out and be left alone. I know I'm nearly disabled and will not survive on my own but I think dying alone is the only way to make sure no one kills me.

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

Hey.

So, it’s been a while. I have a lot less energy than I used to and I’ve found that being online is extremely bad for my already struggling brain. I’ve really struggled to keep up any connections I used to have, even though I wanted to and I felt extremely guilty for struggling so much with just talking to people. I feel like I’ve become a completely different person in the past few years. I guess I kind of outgrew Tumblr and I felt like I was a fraud when I couldn’t reach the same levels of energy and enthusiasm to behave like I used to and I felt like I didn’t belong here any more and that I was a disappointment, but I still think about all of my friends on here a lot and I’m really sorry I faded out without any explanation, it was never a deliberate choice, time just did time things and all of a sudden it’s been years and I felt too guilty and ashamed to come back, like I was being kept prisoner by my own skull raisin. I still think about you all and I hope you’re living the wonderful happy lives you all deserve and that the world is being so, so kind and gentle to you. I hope you find new happiness and love every single day. I still love all of you with my whole heart and soul and I’m really, genuinely sorry for leaving like I did, I hope none of you were worried and I hope you didn’t miss me.

A life update is that I’m doing okay, even good. My partner Josh and I are still going strong, we’re planning on getting married in the next few years, and I’ve been flying over to see them regularly (I’ll never stop being grateful that I have this opportunity.) Their apartment is yellow and we adopted a very big plush Bulbasaur son together and we cuddle until we fall asleep every night and their smile and their mind make me reach a level of happiness I genuinely did not think I was capable of and they have helped me find who I really am. Loving them is the easiest and sweetest thing I’ve ever done. I’m planning on moving overseas to be with them after we’re married (paperwork + residency reasons.) Their friends have welcomed me incredibly kindly into their group and their city is a world I want to live in and I feel like I finally know where I belong. I have finally, finally found my home.

Other updates. My pets are getting older and we lost Maudie, I still miss her and I’m scared for the others but I can’t do anything but love them. With my partner’s help I realized that I’m most likely autistic and I’m hoping to get officially diagnosed once I’ve moved, but not before, because a diagnosis could get my residency denied. I have a steady job with very nice coworkers/friends and in general I’m a lot less scared of life and I’m actually excited for the future, even though I still have very hard days, weeks, months. I have a lot more confidence and love in myself. I own a shirt with rubber duckies on it and I adore it with my whole heart. I have two tattoos named Frank and Louisa and I’m hoping to get more soon. I make very good soup. I’ve learnt to draw, I still have a long way to go but it makes me happy and it’s therapeutic and also how does lighting and shading work oh my gOD-

If anyone wants to reach me at any time, for any reason, my Discord is awshucksalright#7140. It’s one of the few sites that I don’t have a mental block with so I’m usually active on there, but I am a different person now so I understand if you don’t have a drive to, there’s no expectation. I just wanted to make a post to give closure if it was needed because just dipping like I did was super shitty and I wish I could take it back but at this point it feels too late and I don’t know if I have the energy to come back again any way. I have been lurking like a weirdo on your blogs to make sure you’re okay, I should’ve just reached out, I don’t know why I didn’t other than my brain not letting me, it felt like a wall and it still does. It was nothing any of you did, it’s just my own brain being a dick and I hate it and I wish I could change it. I don’t want any of you to think that you weren’t/aren’t important to me because you always have been and always will be. Your kindness and friendship has meant the world to me.

I don’t want to say goodbye so I’m not going to, I don’t want to close that door because I love so many of the people through it. I just hope you’re all okay and that life is treating you with all the amazing-ness that you all deserve. I hope you all feel warmly and gently hugged.

I love you. 💖💖💖🐰🐰🐰💕💕💕

[sapphire-heart-tippy]

This is so dumb, I know and I'm sorry 😭

Warning: Reading too deep into things, over emotional, just a little too squishy, headcanons

I have a problem with feeling a little too much empathy for other people and characters (and I'm a little embarrassed about that) so uuhhh... Pretty much-

I already have a headcanon that Vanilla gets left out a lot, all of the housework is expected from him already and his job is thankless, he's had a rough upbringing and was always left out and picked on and hurt by others. So he's become isolated and reclusive, with the exception of an obsession with Dio of course

I've noticed that in fan art of Dio's minions, he's usually excluded or if he's even included at all, he's off to the side or you can barely see him. It makes me feel even more for him, because I know what it's like to be excluded and considered too weird. I also headcanon Vanilla to be on the spectrum like me, with a little attention deficit sprinkled in (I am autistic but my ADHD kind of overpowers that). Which is kind of why people find him strange and he's socially inept.

I've been (and still am) that weirdo who's been excluded for being socially awkward and not understanding social cues, people getting mad at me or making fun of me because I didn't know any better. So whenever I see fan art where Vanilla is not included in the group or where he's excluded entirely, I imagine I'm right there with him and we're weirdos together.

He doesn't like pants, he's flexible and acrobatic, he's very flamboyant looking yet he's so phlegmatic and serious, he's passionate about the ones he loves and he would do anything to protect them. Poor guy just wanted a friend, somebody to love, somebody who would listen (I feel anyway)

I always want to make sure he feels included. I feel like Vanilla is really lonely but doesn't know how to vocalize his feelings very well...

In my fanfic, I became his friend first and he started to loosen up and relax a bit (well, after we settled our petty rivalry). Vanilla even started to make little jokes and play around. He eventually got over his unrequited love from Dio and now we're happily married husbands with a beautiful son 💙💜