#i may be biased towards the ladies but i love these two very much

[harmoniouseclipse]

Omg kaebedo :0

[vilandel]

Tears Of The Night II

Summary Night is a time of many moments for lovers… Also for comforting each other the best they could.

A/N And here is the second part, because sometimes it's Nozel that needs to comfort Vanessa 💜 Part II, where Nozel comforts Vanessa 💘

Ao3 link

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Vanessa was crying.

And Nozel hated when she cried. Even more when he had no idea why.

She had landed on his balcony late this evening, teary eyes and shaking. It had worried him. Vanessa was normally joyful, more optimistic than him. But now…

Nozel had asked what was hurting her, but Vanessa didn’t answer. She just asked him to hold her. And he did. He wasn’t really good at comforting people, but Vanessa loved hugs and at least this was something he was able to do.

If only he could help her better. She was always there for him when he was feeling down, guilty. Nozel wanted to do the same for Vanessa. But what else could he do when she wasn’t telling him what made her cry?

Now they were lying on his bed, she had her face against his chest while his arms were tightly around her. Vanessa calmed down a bit, but she was still sobbing. Nozel put a soft kiss on the crown of her head.

“What is wrong, my beloved?” he finally asked her, as even her sobs became rarer. Nozel didn’t usually called her by a nickname. That was way more Vanessas speciality. But he would do it on some occasions. To show her that he’s happy, for example. Or that he cared for her, like in this very occasion.

“It’s… it’s stupid, really. You may find me pathetic,” Vanessa whispered, her face still against his chest.

“I would never,” he whispered back, caressing her hair. Why would he find her pathetic? He was long passed that and for Heaven’s sake, he loved her too much to actually care if she would happen to be pathetic on occasion. Well, maybe he biased towards Vanessa at this point, but this was only a detail.

“Well… I had a mission today with Gordon and two other knights from the Golden Dawn. An escort mission… For noble ladies…”

Nozel nodded slowly. He could already imagine where this will go. His hold on her tightened.

“Not much, they wanted an escort from their manor to Raque. I have no idea why they wanted an escort for such a small journey, but a lady pretended it was for her younger daughter, who’s health is apparently very fragile.”

“Let me guess… those were nobles of house Vitrail.”

“Yes. How did you find out?”

Vanessa looked up to him, forgetting for a second her teary eyes, before looking down again.

“It is apparently common knowledge within nobility. Lady Rosette, the second daughter of the Head of house Vitrail, is very well known to be not very healthy. The lady who told you that is probably lady Cristal, her mother. She never misses an occasion to talk about her younger daughters poor health… when it isn’t about her perfect older daughter.”

Just the thought of lady Athénaïs gave Nozel a sick feeling. Not only because this lady was considered by too many people a perfect match for him, a young royal Head of House and there was no day passing without her parents sending him at least two marriage proposals for her. Because apparently, not every royal would be good enough for her and he was one of the rare ones who would be.

But the thought also made him sick because he could more and more imagine where this conversation was going. Athénaïs was as arrogant and self-centred as she was beautiful and intelligent. She knew which words to use to make a very sure person fall into self-doubt and to the destroy the reputation of someone, without even sounding mean. She had her own opinions about the places of peasants, commoners, witches and even persons from low or medium nobility. Worst of all, her high opinion of herself was also a weapon to crush hopes of mostly naïve and young ladies, who were either of romantic nature or having a crush on someone, in rare cases maybe even in love.

Nozel knew that Vanessa wasn’t someone who would let words get to her that easily, she was stronger than that. But with what he knew of Athénaïs Vitrail, he feared that something actually hurt her. And he couldn’t allow that, Vanessa deserved nothing of this!

“I see,” Vanessa replied to his previous statement. “That must be this girl who stayed in the carriage. She looked very frail and pale… She was actually the only really nice noble there. I’m… I’m not crying because of her.”

“It was her older sister, then.”

“Yes… how did you find out?”

“I just joined the dots. I know the image Athénaïs gives of herself within royalty and nobility. But I also know that deep down, she is a horrible person. I’m sorry that she said something that hurt you.”

“It’s not your fault, Nozel. You weren’t there… You’re not… Well… You’re not what she thinks you are.”

“Please, Vanessa. Tell me what happened.”

“I told you, it’s… stupid. I shouldn’t have let her words come through me.”

“But it did happened and I surely won’t blame you for that. Remember how horrible I was feeling on the birthday of my late mother? It was stupid too, in a way. But you were there for me.”

Nozel sighed, but continued before Vanessa could protest, “Let me be here for you as well, Vanessa. Once you told that we should take care of each other, comforting each other. I’m not good at that, but I will still try and do it for those I care about. And you’re one of them.”

Vanessa just looked at him and Nozel tried to not look away, sitting up with her. He felt flustered after that speech, even though he meant every word of it. He just wasn’t used to those kind of things. But maybe with time, with her at his side…

There was surprise in her eyes, mixed with gratitude, sadness and happiness. Nozel slowly put a hand on her cheek and she leaned into the touch.

She was such a beautiful soul. Caring for others, being there for them, sometimes even forgetting herself. That last part in particular reminded him a bit of himself. Nozel didn’t realized at first and still today, he was surprised about the subtle similarities they shared, despite their complete opposite ways to deal with many things.

“Well… It’s true, Athénaïs told me things that really hurt me. At the start, I actually liked her, because she took care of her unhealthy sister, always looking if she was alright.”

Nozel nodded slowly. He didn’t know if taking care of her younger sister was Athénaïs’ only redeeming quality or if it just was a strategic way to give a good image of herself.

“But… at one moment, during the trip… we ended up alone. I don’t really remember why. And… she took a look at me… it was like she was judging me and I didn’t like that. But I was used for nobles to judge me quickly, so I said nothing. But… then… she asked me if I’m in love.”

Vanessa let out a tiny sob and Nozel already felt the urge to hug her again.

“I found the question strange and it made me feel… I don’t know, odd maybe? So, I just said yes… I didn’t mention that I have a boyfriend and of course, I never said it’s you. And then… she looked at me with… pity? I don’t know, it didn’t looked genuine, so I don’t know if it really was pity.”

It wasn’t.

Nozel took her hands in his.

“So… she said things about love… that it was the only privilege non-noble people could have, but that it was, well… still rather foolish to marry out of love. Because apparently, once the feeling is gone, we’re stick with a person we only respect at best and that soon adultery affairs would start. That it was better for non-noble people as well to marry so that they would gain more land for their farm for example… Well, she said that with such compassion and explained that this is why nobles usually never marry out of love, that I have no idea what to respond.”

Vanessa looked down, sighing. “I asked who she wanted to marry, if not for love. Well… is it true that her house has a high reputation from marrying a lot into the royal families in the past?”

“Yes.”

“So it wasn’t bluff… well, she… she apparently considers herself… the perfect match… for a royal… especially for you,” Vanessa continued and it broke Nozels heart to hear her sobbing again. “First I was angry, because she clearly only saw you as a prize, which she thinks she deserves more than anyone. I hated it so much! I even told her that you’re more than just that. She said yes and I thought… I don’t know what I thought exactly, maybe that she would say something positive about you. But then, she had rather harsh words, not really against you but against the way you lead your house. She said that you took some dumb decisions… it was basically the same things that old fart from House Vermillion judges you own, only that she… excuses you a bit because you became Head of House with fifteen… that was the only point I couldn’t disagree with her, honestly and it made me sick to agree on something with her! But then… she said that you should have been married long ago and still do, that only a spouse would make take good decisions concerning your house… and of course, she… considers herself the perfect one for that.”

“And I refuse to even consider her an option,” Nozel whispered angrily before hugging Vanessa tightly. “She can’t even hold a candle to you.”

“I… I still let her words go through me. Because she then looked at me, claiming that she understood that I defend him, because you have a literal fan club in the kingdom.”

Which was by far not as amazing as it sounded.

“And well, she told me that you won’t ever notice me, because I’m a witch and you’re a prince and because this would never happen in real life. She then went away and I… I’m so ashamed, Nozel! I compared myself to her and her beauty really made me insecure. And… I… asked myself if you didn’t proposed already to me because I’m not good enough…”

Vanessa put her hands on her face as she started crying again, “I told you it was pathetic! I told you that freedom is important to me and we agreed to… wait… with that important step, because you know how royal laws and rules and such can be like a cage! You told me that you refuse to take my freedom away from me. We agreed to go step by step with every important step! And now, I’m here wondering why you haven’t propose to me, comparing myself to a beautiful but bad woman and let her words get at me. But I was so angry how she view you, I…”

She cried again and Nozel just held her tightly against him. He wished that it could be enough to protect from those stupid but hurtful words, from the self-doubts, from… so many things. It wasn’t enough, he knew that.

And still he wished for it.

“I don’t blame you, Vanessa. Athénaïs is sadly talented to put words in a way so that they hurt other people. But you know me, better than she ever will.”

He let her go a bit, so that he could see her in the eyes. In those beautiful, teary eyes. Nozel took in a breath. He knew what he wanted to say, he knew what he needed to say. It flustered him and he clearly wasn’t used to say things like this. But he wouldn’t back away.

“I love you, Vanessa. If I could, I would give the world. You’re the one I want to grow old with. I would have propose to you many times already. But I know how much you love your freedom and I refuse to be the one to put you back in a cage. You know all that, we already talked about this. Our relationship is still young and well… marriage… isn’t the priority, other steps come before that. But don’t think that I didn’t propose to you because you’re good enough.”

He take her face softly in his hands, leaning his forehead against hers. “You’re more than good enough. You’re perfect for me. I will propose to you, only if you want it and only when we’re both ready.”

“I… I’m not against it. Not with you, because you would never put me in a cage. Marriage out of love aren’t cages, I believe. I… want to grow old with you as well, Nozel. I want it, I’m just… not ready. I want to learn and understand how your world works, I want to get over my fear. But I’m not there yet.”

“I will never force you. Take all the time you need. We made it work so far, we will continue to make it work… This is what you told me at the beginning of our relationship.”

“Yes.”

They stayed like that for a while, before Nozel spoke up again, “Also, you have no need to compare yourself to Athénaïs. You’re thousand times more beautiful than her.”

“Don’t you think you’re a bit biased? After all, you’re my boyfriend…”

“I was also talking about your inner beauty, my beloved.”

He felt his cheeks getting red and saw her blushing as well. Still, he felt happy and relieved as a soft smile appeared on her lips. She was starting to feel better…

“I really hated how she talked about you…”

“Don’t be. I’m used to it, after all those years.”

“You shouldn’t be.”

“I know.”

They felt silent again. Not a heavy one, it was more comforting. Nozel wrapped his arms around Vanessa, pulling her softly against him, while she leaned her head on his shoulder.

“Feeling better?”

“I do… Really. But isn’t it stupid that let her words hurt me?”

“No, Vanessa. We all have moments like this. Moments of self-doubt, when insulting words, even the most subtle ones, can pierce our hearts. We just have to know that we aren’t alone, that there are people we can go to, for comfort, for a shoulder to cry on. It usually goes better after a good cry.”

“This sounds familiar, in a way.”

“I’m sure of it. Normally, you tell me things like this and we both know that I need speeches like this.”

Vanessa giggled softly, which Nozel could definitely consider as a victory. His lips brushed her temple, lingering over her silky skin.”

“I never cared about it in the past.”

“What do you mean?”

“What nobles think about me. About my status and my background. I never cared that I’m just the Drunken Witch in their eyes. I had the Black Bulls, I enjoyed my life. But since you became such an important part of my life, I began to care… I didn’t understood immediately, but… now that I think about it, it’s maybe because you’re important for me. Our relationship, what the future awaits for us. It’s surely this.”

Nozel swelled with love and pride at those words. She was important to him too, their bond was today one of his biggest treasures.

He didn’t care about what others thought of them. Or, he didn’t care enough to let it lead his decisions. Even though he knew what consequences rumours could have, opinions and prejudice within nobility were far more important than they should be.

But Vanessa was worth it to stand strong against this unfairness. Even more than worth it. And he would do anything to protect and help her. He was ready to fight for her and he would.

“Does it confirm somehow how serious it is between us?” Vanessa asked, looking up at him. Nozel just smiled at her, caressing her cheek.

“I believe so.”

Vanessa smiled. A soft smile, but it was the proof that she was really getting better. Nozel didn’t know if his comforting was good at all, but it visibly helped her. Nothing else mattered to him right now.

“I’m… I’m actually happy that I immediately came to you, instead of worrying and doubting all alone. I just… needed you at my side, to confirm that this is the real you, not what that… woman pretended.”

“If you ask me, this proves that you have a strong spirit. I think most people would have let those words get even more through them. Not you. You came and you told me what was the matter. Thank you.”

“What for?”

“For trusting me. It really makes me happy.”

“You trust me too, otherwise you wouldn’t show your sad and vulnerable side in front of me… Thank you Nozel, for being there, for me.”

Nozel smiled as leaned down his head to kiss her. Just softly, but it was enough to leave an immense fire in him. Vanessa gave in, one hand in his unkempt hair.

This kiss only lead to another one. Soft again, but it soon became more heated. It might lasted long but Nozel couldn’t tell. When Vanessa and him finally parted, he was on his back, with her over him, gorgeously smiling at him while running a finger on his nose. It wasn’t much, but that vision of her made his heartbeat increased heavily.

“Athénaïs Vitrail clearly doesn’t deserve you. You’re thousand times too good for her,” she said with a smirk, before kissing his nose.

Nozel just chuckled. “Why should I even think about her?” He rolled them both over, making Vanessa yelp. “I have the most wonderful woman of the Clover Kingdom in my arms right now.”

He didn’t even wait for an answer from her, as he directly went for her lips again.

“I hope I will never work for Athénaïs and the women of her house ever again,” Vanessa sighed as they parted. “Except maybe her poor unhealthy sister. But how in the world can she be considered a perfect match for a royal when she is obviously lacking kindness and respect?”

“No idea,” Nozel replied as he kissed her temple. “And honestly, I don’t even care about the reasons. They’re probably stupid.”

“You’re right. I don’t feel sad about her words anymore, thankfully. But I’m still angry at her. How can she talk about you like that?”

“I guess that no one ever put her in her place. Since you’re this upset about her, how about I let you rip or throw in the fire any marriage proposals about her I surely will get tomorrow?”

“You mean… I can do whatever I want with those?”

“With my blessing.”

“Thank you so much, honey!”

She rolled on top of him, laughing breathlessly and she kissed him senseless.

Nozel kissed her back, happy that Vanessa was now feeling better. Yes, he would be there for her, just as she was there for him. That was the kind of relationship they had.

[kylowritten]

If the Slipper Fits

Pairings: Kylo Ren x ForceSensitive!Reader

Summary: Nobody wants to be the woman whose foot fits that slipper.

Warnings: fluff, kissing, mentions of sex, nudity, mentions of self harm

Word Count: 5.3k

A/N: Wooo😅 I'm so sorry for how long it took for me to get this out. But here it is!! I struggled with writers block for awhile but recently remembered the ultimate cure: reading. I forgot how much a good book can really inspire me. Without further ado...

Part Fourteen

You’re not sure what to expect upon arriving in the Third District. You didn’t exactly leave on great terms with Kylo and, not to mention, you’re completely unaware of what’s happened while you were gone. More than likely you were walking into a hostile situation if anything like Parric in the Sixth District occurred; however, the servant who fetches you is amicable enough, and leads you into a room to get settled.

You half expect Kylo to be there, and so you prepare what to say. Undoubtedly he’ll know how it went. And you’re not sure if you’re disappointed or relieved when the room is notably absent of any sign of your husband.

There’s a knock at the door.

Panic jolts through you. You remember, vaguely, that if it was Kylo, you would’ve felt him approach through your Force bond.

Instead, your company is a regal-looking woman wearing a dress made of deep maroon. She smiles softly, if not somewhat abashed, as if she’s aware that she’s spooked you.

“Hello. I apologize, I’ve been eagerly awaiting your arrival.”

“Oh,” you say, laughing nervously. “No need to apologize.”

You don’t want to admit to her, or yourself, that you’re on edge about seeing Kylo.

She offers her hand and you shake it. “My name is Emelia, I’m the lady of the house.”

“Thank you for having us. From what I’ve seen of it, your district is lovely.”

Emelia’s lips twitch. “You’re very kind.”

You twist your head, pinning her with a look of incredulity. “You don’t believe me.”

“I don’t mean to offend,” Emelia quickly says.

She gestures past you. A rounded set of double doors open up to a small, adjoining balcony. Rain falls in sheets across the windows, and you remember the icy prick of it on your skin as you ran after the servant from your ship into the warmth of the grand estate.

Emelia adds, “We aren’t exactly known for our weather.”

“I like the rain,” you truthfully tell her. “I think it’s relaxing.”

“I agree, although I may be biased. We have a wonderful market, though, so I hope the clouds clear long enough for you to visit.”

“I would love that.” You smile.

Emelia clears her throat. “I’m afraid that I didn’t come here to discuss the splendor of our district. I-I have an ulterior motive.” A flash of gold catches your eye, and you realize it comes from the plethora of rings on Emelia’s hands as she wrings them. “May I speak freely, Your Highness?”

Your Highness. You would never get used to that.

“Of course,” you reassure her.

“My wife and I, we have two daughters.” Emelia pauses as if contemplating how to continue. “By the end of the year, they would’ve become the acceptable age to be fitted for the slipper. I…I feared for them terribly. I know that you didn't necessarily have a choice, but I am grateful for you for marrying the king and sparing my daughters of a similar fate. For all of the women in the kingdom. No more will have to die.”

You want to inform her no one actually died, but feel it would defeat the kindness of her statement. Someone else might’ve mistaken her words for callousness, but you understand what she meant — you were a savior, one way or another.

“It needed to end,” you say softly. “If I had to be the one to do it, then so be it.”

Little did she know how truthful you were. It truly was up to you to end the dark reign of the royal family over the kingdom, and of Palpatine’s unrelenting hold on Kylo.

“There you are.”

Kylo’s voice evokes both you and Emelia to turn towards the doorway.

A part of you softens at the sight of him.

Sans helmet and armor, Kylo stands in a simple pair of dark pants and a black sweater. Dressed like this, he looks perfectly aristocratical, reminding you glaringly of his royal upbringing; he hardly embodies the feral, wild man that you know, the one you watched kill a man for disrespecting you.

The complexity of him, the stark juxtaposition of his character, strangely intrigues you.

“Kylo,” you say, more breathless than you meant.

Emelia sheepishly smiles. “I’m sure that you wish to reunite with your wife.”

Kylo addresses her with his intense, unwavering stare but says nothing. After a pregnant pause, Emelia scurries past you and Kylo, making sure to give the latter a significant distance, which isn’t an easy feat considering that he fills the entire doorway. Before she can disappear around the corner, you shout, “Thank you,” then, quieter, knowing you have her attention, “Emelia.”

Emelia glances at you. She nods, then leaves.

With her gone, Kylo’s stare slides to you. “I trust that your trip was pleasant.”

“It was.”

He shifts, leaning hip and elbow against the frame of the door. “What did Lady Emelia want?”

Kylo is obviously shooting for nonchalance, but falls somewhere short of overbearing. It brings the slightest hint of a smile to your mouth. You tell him, “Just to say hello.”

“And everything is well?”

“Everything is well.” You swallow. You’ve forgotten to be afraid of this interaction. The reminder ratchets your nerves. “How are you?”

The door closes behind Kylo. He devours the space between you in two strides, effectively crowding you against the bed. The backs of your knees collide into the bed frame but you don’t concede to sitting, instead persisting on standing so that you’re wedged between his legs.

He towers over you, the proximity of him — his general being — overwhelms you.

“I couldn’t stop myself from thinking of you,” he says thickly, as if inflicted with some terrible curse. He all but spits it out. “I hated it.”

“Sorry,” you mutter to him.

Kylo fiercely says, “Don’t do that again. From now on you go where I tell you.”

“I’ll go where I please,” you fire back, blistering.

“You torment me,” he eventually replies. His tone is pained, all-suffering, the words sharp, cutting across your skin like a blade. His fingers, though, are appalling gentle as he snags a lock of hair, caught in the corner of your lips, and tucks it behind your ear. His brows furrow. “Please. Make it stop.”

You smile wryly. “I’m not sure I know how.”

An expression passes over his handsome features, the semblance of a smile. The very first of its kind.

“Join me, tomorrow.”

You frown. “What?”

“We’re going somewhere.”

“Where?”

“I’ll worry about that.”

You narrow your eyes, playfully suspicious. “What’s going on? Shouldn’t we be…” you wave your hand vaguely, “I don’t know…touring?”

“I think we’ve earned a break.” One of his brows, a thick, dark stroke against his pale skin, raises almost minutely. “Don’t you agree?”

“I suppose you.” The edges of your mouth curl mischievously. “You really missed me.”

He sniffs, “I didn’t miss you. I just think it would be of good conscience to spare our hosts from your insufferable tendencies.”

It takes a moment for you to realize that he’s kidding, that it’s just a sample of his dry humor. You get such seldom glimpses of it. In a singsong voice, you say, “You missed me.”

“How dare you accuse me of such a heinous act.”

You smirk, triumphant. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

A pleasurable ache between your thighs greets you as you wake, blinking sleep from your eyes. You turn, twisted in the sheets; you gave up a long time ago trying to catch Kylo still in bed, although the remnants of him are still there — his lingering warmth, his scent, and the memories of the former night heat your cheeks.

You languish, for a moment, in the comfort of an unhurried morning. Then, you lift your head and sweep your bleary gaze across the room, starting from the door to the balcony — there. Leaning casually, well, as casually as someone who perpetually upholds an essence of power, Kylo stands on the balcony with his back to you.

You swing your legs off the bed and hurry to grab your robe and belt it around your waist.

You’re not sure what overcomes you — perhaps the subtle domesticity of it all — but you pad on bare feet across the room and encircle your arms around him, your cheek nuzzling up against the muscular plane of his back.

“Good morning,” you hum.

His grunted response rumbles through his chest. “I would ask if you slept well,” he says, voice deliciously husky from sleep, “but I already know the answer.”

He can’t see you, but you roll your eyes. “So humble.”

Kylo grunts again. From behind him, you peek to see what he’s looking at. Beyond the balcony, rolling green plains are backdropped by clear skies, and you’re given view of the district that the rain obscured the day before. Awe yawns in you.

“What are the plans today?” You ask. For the first time since you can remember, you feel a worm of excitement working it’s way into your chest.

Kylo twists so that his back is against the railing of the balcony, but still in your arms. “Go get dressed,” he orders.

“You’re really not going to tell me anything?”

“No. Go.”

Kylo delights you as he slaps your ass on your way back into the room, and you cry out in protest. The sound of his chuckle follows you.

“Kylo, where are we?” Blindly, you reach out with your hands.

"We're almost there. Stop fussing."

You scowl. You feel as if your fussing is perfectly reasonable, considering that he's kept you out of the loop all afternoon. You flew to a remote location and then, upon climbing off the ship, he insisted that this be a surprise. So, you've walked for at least the last half mile with Kylo's large hands covering your eyes, stumbling awkwardly in front of him.

"Don't make that face."

"What? What face? You can't even see my face."

"The one where you furrow your brow and scrunch up your nose."

Irritatingly, he's right. You relax your features, forgetting that with his hands over your eyes he can tell the different in your expression. You smile sheepishly as he laughs.

"Are we almost there?" You complain.

"I'm going to walk you in circles if you ask one more time. I have nowhere to be today, I can delay this as long as necessary."

Finally, he stops in his tracks. You're grateful, because your feet have started to ache - it's been an embarrassingly long time since you've walked so far. "Keep your eyes shut," he instructs. The warmth of his proximity disappears, boots crunching the ground as he takes several steps away. "Now open."

Kylo steals your vision first. Unsurprisingly.

You take in your fill of him before your gaze slowly drifts. Behind him, a small lake laps at the sandy shore where he now stands barefoot, the hem of his pants rolled up; it's strangely attractive, and you shove down your sudden desire. The area surrounding the lake is green, grassy, interspersed with patches of flowers and trees.

You breathe out, "Wow. It's beautiful."

"My mother used to take me here," Kylo says, softly, distant — lost in memories that you could only guess about. "If I was well behaved during her diplomatic meetings, we would go swimming."

For half of a moment, you wonder whether or not you should divulge how you met Leia, but you think better of it. "Thank you for bringing me here." He shifts, clearly uncomfortable with the level of vulnerability, so you hurry to add, "I'm relieved it wasn't just to get me out of my clothes."

"Would it have worked?"

You give in to a face-splitting smile. In a swift movement, you pull off your shirt and step out of your shoes. Kylo lets out a soft sound of amusement as you run past him, wriggling out of your pants as you splash into the lake water. Icy cold envelopes you but gradually subsides; the sun warms your face as you float in the water on your back.

"Was that a yes?"

Kylo peels off his clothes and wades into the water, looking everything like some fictional hero. Or villain, perhaps, you think. Either way, he's unafraid of his nudity, and even though you've seen him countless times before, it still makes you sheepish. After all, you're still wearing your bra and panties, leaving you painfully overdressed.

You watch him slip under then re-emerge, slicking his wet hair back. His dark eyes are dancing with an emotion you can't identify.

"Of course it was a yes," you tell him with a laugh. "As you already know, I don't necessarily need a reason to get undressed for you."

"Mm, you're right," he says.

Treading water, he grabs you by the waist and pulls you toward him. His hands are like fire on your skin, scorching a path as they roam from your waist to your thighs, gripping tightly as to hoist your legs around his hips. You squeal in delight and encircle your arms around his neck.

Kylo moves to shallower waters. Droplets of water roll off his broad shoulders. You're fascinated with his lashes — wet, spiky, unfairly long — so you're unprepared for when he leans in and seals a kiss on your mouth. Unlike previous kisses, this one is unhurried, relaxed, secure in a way they haven't been before.

The afternoon passes much quicker than you would've liked, but you see a new side of Kylo that makes it worth it. He's still very much the same, blunt and serious, but the usual tension is missing. He's not a royal figure but a man — in fact, you're almost certain that you catch a glimpse of the child he had been when he insists on showing you how he can swim all of the way to the bottom of the lake.

You're pleasantly tired, burnt, and your fingers have wrinkled far past normalcy when you announce, "I wish it could always be like this."

Kylo lays on the shore, reclined back on his hands and drying off. Mercifully, he's put on pants, or else you wouldn't have been able to hold a conversation with him. His eyes are closed, his breathing steady and calm. "How so?"

"Both of us. Without any expectations," you say. "We aren't fighting. We're not...rulers. We're just people."

As imperceptibly and quick as the breeze rolling over you, Kylo stiffens. "But that's not us."

"It's true in this moment," you protest.

"But that's all this is." Kylo sits up. Waves a hand. "A moment."

You turn to him. By this point, you're half submerged, on your way to getting out of the water when he stops you in your tracks. "Can't you just enjoy the sentiment?"

"No. It's not realistic."

"None of this is realistic," you say, on the verge of hysteria.

It's vague, a blotch on your subconscious, but you suddenly feel the same as when a plate slips out of your hands, the tension before it smashes to the ground into hundreds of pieces.

"I wasn't —"

"Nevermind," you quickly say. You don't want to hear his gruff excuse, the lack of understanding and empathy. "Forget I said anything."

Kylo is alert, more than he was before. His dark eyes watch you closely. "I upset you."

"Yes, Kylo, you did." You huff, mostly out of frustration than disappointment. "But it's okay. I wasn't being realistic. You're right. Tomorrow — in a few hours — we'll go back to barely tolerating each other and being respectable diplomats. This is just a moment, it doesn't mean anything."

You snatch up your clothes and put them on. By the time you're done, your cheeks are still wet with the tears you've failed to scrub away. Kylo stands a few feet from you, expression unreadable.

"That's not what I meant."

"No, it never is."

You just want to go home. But you have no home, no real one, so maybe you just want to go back to the palace. It's unfortunate that you still have two more districts to visit.

"Let me explain." Kylo's voice is a growl, deep in his chest. He grabs your wrist and spins you around so that you're only inches apart. "I've always thought very...linear. And I can't always express what I mean." He shakes his head then, perhaps irritated with himself. "I brought you here today for a reason. I wanted you to see this."

You implore him with your eyes. "But will it mean anything? After this?"

His gaze flickers to your lips. "It will. To me." He swallows, throat bobbing. "I said that because we can't change who we are. But we can still appreciate being together, even when things are...difficult."

"I thought I was insufferable," you say. Secretly, you're touched.

His lips twitch. "You are."

This admission of his thoughts, his feelings, means more to you than any grand romantic gesture. You're afraid, though, that if you push anymore he might throw himself into the lake and drown himself. So you declare that you're hungry, and that you know the perfect place; Kylo is hesitant, but nonetheless accepts.

You have to admit that you have no clue where you're going, but Kylo knows exactly where to go when you mention the market that Emelia talked about the day before. In your head you're not sure what to think — you only had your own district to compare it to. But you're more than pleasantly surprised to find that the Third District market sprawls several miles, cutting through the plains like a colorful serpent. Chatter greets you first, then the savory smell of meats and other things being roasted, sweetened by a stall selling small, sugary cakes.

Kylo insist that you try one. The vendor seems more than apprehensive about selling to the King, but is remarkably thrilled when you take a bite and profess how delicious it is.

The two of you gradually make your way through the plethora of stalls, stopping and chatting with those who look close enough to recognize you (well, mostly you, Kylo stands sullenly behind you); sampling foods and browsing wares — jewelry, scarves, pieces of wood carved into impossible shapes. You're aware that Kylo will buy you whatever you want, so you overly show your admiration for as many vendors as you can. If Kylo catches onto this, he doesn't say, just silently pays the vendor without complaint.

You excitedly dart away from him to investigate a stall boasting beautiful bottles of perfume. Kylo gets lost in the throng of onlookers. You pick up one of the bottles and lift it to your nose, just as a flash of color catches your eye.

Was that...? Curious, you mutter something to the perfume vendor then shuffle a few steps. Your gaze combs the crowd. There — again! Your brows furrow and you start your pursuit. You want to shout but you're afraid that Kylo might hear you. A quick glance over your shoulder tells you that he's still straggling behind, so you forge ahead, elbowing and doing your best to keep up.

The clothed figure slips into an alleyway. You follow after. "Luke!" you shout. "Luke?"

"Did he follow you?" Luke twists toward you, blue eyes searching past you. This is the first time you're seeing him in person, and you find yourself just as awestruck as meeting him through the Force.

"Um, no. No, I don't think so," you say.

Luke nods, abrupt. "We don't have much time. But we needed to meet again."

"Couldn't we have just met like before?"

"No. This requires in-person training," Luke tells you, mouth curling with amusement. He resembles his sister, painfully so, reminding you that he's also related to Kylo, to Ben. Dry humor evidently runs in the family.

"Okay," you say, unsure of what else to.

"I'm going to lower my defenses," Luke says. "And let you try to penetrate my mind. We spoke about the abstract of defeating the darkness, but this is the physical. I have a memory that I want you to try to reach."

"How will I know what it is?"

Luke smiles wryly. "Trust me."

He sweeps a hand, concealing the alley in a temporary bubble. No one from outside can see in, or enter.

"Tell me what you learned last time."

You repeat his lesson, the one from the gardens in the Sixth District. It pains you to recall the memory of seeing you father, even if it was fake, and how it felt to obliterate him. You explain how you'll have to find the emotional bond with Kylo to access his subconscious again.

"Have you tried?" Luke asks.

Sheepishly, you shake your head.

If he's disappointed, Luke masks it. "Tonight. You must try tonight. You don't have much longer."

"I know," you say. "I know." Desperate to redeem yourself in his eyes, you add, "I spoke with my district. They're on board with helping us."

Luke nods. "Good. That's a start." He positions himself closer. "Put your fingers on my temples. Here."

You obey.

"Hopefully this will help your endeavor," he says. "Now, concentrate. Remember last time."

You do. You really do. But nothing happens — other than you standing there with your hands on Luke's temple. You realize that he closed his eyes when they open unexpectedly.

"Are you trying?" The same blunt honesty as the rest of his family, too.

"Yes," you stress. "I'm trying."

"Try harder," he demands, a phrase that's never made any sense to you.

You relent. This time, you close your eyes and focus. You try to imagine yourself opening up Luke's mind, like prying open a shell and examining what's inside. Clearly, he's waiting for this, because it almost feels too easy to do so — you slip into it as easy as slipping into a shoe.

Instantly you're transported not into his subconscious, his safe place, but rather directly into a memory. In the memory, you're an outsider. Luke is there, younger, how he must've been when he saved the kingdom along with Leia; he's surrounded by a group of teenagers, children, really. Your eyes settle on one.

Ben. Not yet Kylo, although you decide he can't be far from the man you know.

He's distinctly on the cusp of manhood. Eighteen or nineteen, a man, but his body still lingering in his adolescence. There's an openness to his face. You're not sure if it's your imagination or not, but you're almost certain that you can see a darkness beneath the earnest expression, like shade encroaching on the sunshine.

"Good work today," Luke tells his students. This must be what Leia meant when she said that he had once been Kylo's teacher. "You deserve the rest of the day off."

The children rise to their feet, already starting to cluster into pairs as they retreat. You think that Kylo is slower to jump up, nobody coming to talk to him. His shoulders (broad even then) tense as Luke calls, "Ben. One moment, please."

With a healthy dose of teenage reluctance, Kylo — Ben? you weren't sure — approaches his uncle. There's a trace of wariness on his face.

"We need to talk about what happened," Luke says. His tone is sterner than before, when he addressed all of the students together.

Ben's eyes flash. "What is there to talk about?"

"What you did was irresponsible and dangerous," Luke snaps. His jaw clenches. It's obvious from just this small interaction that he has less patience for his nephew then the others. Perhaps a higher expectation, you think, but nonetheless unwarranted. Clearly Kylo wants his respect.

"I couldn't let him beat me," Kylo says.

"A humble loser is just as important, if not more, than a proud winner," Luke tells him.

A storm crosses Kylo's face. "I didn't do anything wrong."

"Dark magic is forbidden to be used here," Luke says. "You know that. Others saw what you did, too. They already think I'm giving you special treatment and now —"

Kylo interrupts him with an absurdly uproarious laugh. "Ha!" He says. There's a darkness thrumming just beneath his skin. "You hate me."

Luke's anger buffers. He steps back as if physically assaulted. "Ben, I could never —"

"Don't lie," Kylo snarls. "I see the way you look at me. How everyone looks at me. You're all afraid that I'm going to be like King Vader. Maybe I just should be, since everyone already thinks it! He said that —"

It's Luke's turn to interrupt. "He who?"

Kylo's passionate anger shutters, his mouth snapping shut. "No one."

"Ben —"

The future king turns and storms off. Luke moves as if to go after him, but must think better of it. Instead he watches his nephew's retreating form until he disappears.

You're eager to devour more of this — to know more about Kylo's elusive past — but the memory ends abruptly and you're suddenly brought back to reality, stumbling backwards as you are.

Luke's face is grim. "I should've seen it coming."

"You couldn't have known," you say softly. Sure, watching with what you know now, the signs were all there. But Luke couldn't have seen it. Even with his tendency to be hard on Kylo, he most likely only saw his beloved nephew.

"That was the first day he used dark magic in front of me," Luke tells you. "It's not long after that Palpatine turns him completely." He pauses, then shakes his head. "Anyway, you did good. Great, even. I trust tonight will go well."

"Yeah," you say, distant.

Your immediate instinct is to bring this up with Kylo, but you know that you can't without giving away everything. Your chest tightens.

"I should go. He's looking for you," Luke says.

"When will I see you again?"

"Soon." He smiles, softly. "Soon."

Luke is gone before you know it, and with it the protective bubble. Kylo descends upon you almost immediately, grabbing you by the shoulders and inspecting you. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," you say, although you feel far from it.

However, you've recently excelled in experiencing mental whiplash and then having to act normal, so you hopefully collect yourself in a convincing manner. "I'm sorry, I must've gotten away from you."

"I...I lost connection with you, for a moment. Through our bond." He frowns. "I thought the worst."

"And what would that be?"

Kylo doesn't answer you. His gaze sweeps the alley — once, twice — before landing back on you. "Was someone here?"

"No," you tell him, suddenly nervous. "No one."

"Who were you talking to?"

You insist, "No one, Kylo, I swear. I just got lost."

He doesn't believe you.

But he doesn't press again, so you launch yourself back into the market. The same magic as before is missing, misplaced somewhere between meeting Luke and Kylo finding you; it seems fitting, your perfect day couldn't last forever, anyways. By the time you make it back to the estate, you're tired from putting up a facade after seeing Luke's memory, and knowing that you need to infiltrate Kylo's mind.

After a quick bath, you return to your shared bedroom to find Kylo sitting on the edge of the bed. His elbows are on his knees, and he's staring at his interlaced hands.

You approach him, sidestepping the ridiculous amount of things you bought at the market today, now stacked unceremoniously, and gently easing him back so that you can squeeze between his legs. But it's not close enough, so you crawl onto his lap, desperate suddenly to be as near to him as possible. He's still reticent, but his hands rest on your waist and you know that things are okay.

"Thank you," you tell him. "For today."

He nods. Blinks. "Of course."

You bring your lips to his, lightly. He kisses you back just as gently, but it's not long before he deepens it, coaxing open your mouth so that he can slip his tongue inside. He bites at your bottom lip until the copper taste of blood floods your mouth, and he assuages the pain with a swipe of his expert tongue.

His hips grind against yours, your center so readily available to him in your simple bathrobe.

It's easy to get lost in him — to throw yourself with wild abandon into this impossibly paradoxical man and forget everything but him. But, deep down, you have trouble enjoying this, his hands roaming your freshly washed skin, the trail of his kisses down your throat. You have trouble because you know that you initiated this kiss just to betray him.

His walls are down. He's not on the defense, not when you're like this. It pains you that at least in these moments he trusts you, and you're going to break it.

Through the bond, you can feel the intensity of his desire and his emotions. Just like you hoped, the heightened sensation is easy to connect with, and soon you find yourself transported back into the room from before, the one where Kylo had flogged himself. You flinch at the recollection.

Kylo isn't there, not mentally. He's with you, still kissing you.

You want to do this fast. You don't know what to expect, but you don't want to find out what happens if Kylo catches you.

Dark waves lap beneath the platform, nearly masking your footsteps. At the end of the platform is the flog. Pain spirals through you as you remember how it glistened with blood, his blood. Kylo's. It makes your stomach churn.

You stand a few feet from it, not wanting to get close. There's nothing obviously wrong here, at least not like when your father hugged you.

How were you supposed to do this?

Looking down at the flog, you make the decision to pick it up. It hums with a powerful energy. You turn it this way and that, and then, on a whim, toss it into the water.

A moment later it reappears at your feet.

"Too easy," you mutter.

You're convinced that you must destroy it. Kylo can not hurt himself with it again if it's gone, and it's the only thing that you can tangibly destroy. It has to be why it's pulsating dangerously — this is the dark magic manifesting in his subconscious. You concentrate on the weapon.

In your own subconscious, you attached to the dark magic until it quite literally imploded.

Gripping the flog in both hands, you focus all of your attention onto it. You imagine gathering the dark magic in your hands like a liquidy substance and expunging it. The flog, the dark magic, refuses to part — rallying back against your efforts. Your back molars grit together as you channel your magic into it, summoning every bit of your strength to battle against it.

A white light appears in your vision, power building, a scream beginning softly in your throat and then crescendoing; the flog shatters, pieces of it flying away in dusty remnants.

You collapse to the ground.

The residual shards of dark magic fade from your hands as if washing away ink.

Before your eyes, the room shifts.

It's no longer darkened, a singular space. There's still the pier-type platform, and still the water, but you can faintly make out the shapes of trees in the distance. Of land. The water lightens as you make your way back down the platform, and the success of your effort is nearly enough to make you want to start dancing.

However, your celebration is short lived as your sucked back into the present.

Your lips are swollen, breath raggedly escaping your chest. Kylo pulls away slightly. He's breathing heavy, too, but looking at you as if something catastrophic just occurred.

"What?" You ask, flattening your hands on his chest. "What's wrong?"

Kylo swallows. Fear flutters in his face before disappearing behind a mask of composure. "Nothing. Nothing. I just...I felt..." he trails off without further explanation.

Panic hitches in your throat — did he suspect something?

And, because you've evidently become some master seductress, using sex as a way to carry out your mission, you distract him with another kiss. This time you compact all of your emotions from the day into it: your delight from the lake and the market, your unwavering devotion to him, the sympathy you have for the memory that Luke showed you in the alley.

And he kisses you back just as fiercely.

It breaks your heart, frankly. But you know that in order to save him, you must betray him first.

- - -

@juniperwoodwell

@eternal-mikrokosmos

@judypahtootee

[hekateinhell]

If I may ask, Which is your favorite/best writer in your opinion, if we take into consideration that the vampires wrote/told their own stories through the Vampire Chronicles books?

For my take, I love the way Interview with the Vampire and The Vampire Armand are written as a narrative. I truly believe Armand and Louis(Or maybe Daniel because he was the one to make sense of Louis' tapes) could become quite famous writers if they wanted to. But sadly, we only got one book from each :(

You picked my two favorites!

I loved Louis's voice in IWTV--grave and mournful, yet still so charming and playful with Daniel. It's astoundingly manipulative while also coming from an authentic place.

And, of course, I'm biased towards Armand, but that was the first VC novel I ever read and clearly it ruined my life made enough of an impression that I went back and read the whole lot. He's completely deadpan at times, anguished at others, has the driest sense of humor, and still (much like Louis) has such an appreciation for simple beauty, knowledge, and companionship.

I would have loved to hear more from Louis's POV following QotD, Merrick, and throughout the PL-trilogy. That one PL chapter was not enough! I want to know how he got there. There's so much we miss getting everything else secondhand, from Lestat of all people.

The same with Armand--he's in a very bad place during the dictation of TVA (he starts off by saying he wishes "to be gone, and to have some will to carry on")--so what does his narrative voice sound like when he's not chronically exhausted and depressed? How did Trinity Gate era Louis and Armand get to where they did in terms of their emotional growth and healing while Lestat was running around with Mayfair ladies?

I have So Many Questions and no answers...

P.S. - if you're interested for more on Daniel and what that may have potentially looked like, I've been following this fic on ao3: The Book of Daniel and Other False Prophets.

[annecoulmanross]

Top Ten Historical Figures Done Dirty by The Terror (2018)

So, we all know and love Dave Kajganich and Soo Hugh’s beautiful show, right? Of course. But it’s important to set the historical record straight, especially when there are real people’s life-stories and legacies on the line. 

(NOTE: this list is biased heavily toward upper-class individuals because the historical record does a better job preserving those voices for us. Was the real Cornelius Hickey as nasty a person in real life as he was in the show? Almost certainly not – which is why we’re given “E.C.” as a nod to the fact that we shouldn’t assume these characters represent real historical villains, even when the narrative makes them antagonists; HOWEVER, not everyone in the show was given the same courtesy as the OG “Cornelius Hickey.” Which is why this post exists – to show you the best sides of some people you might not otherwise appreciate for their full humanity. That being said, keep in mind the sources used – and, for instance, who has surviving portraits and who doesn’t.)

Thus, below the cut, I give you this list, (mostly) in order from #10 (honorable mention, only somewhat slandered) to #1 (most hideously maligned) – my list of characters from The Terror who deserved better. 

(Please don’t take this too seriously – I know there are reasons why choices had to be made in order to make this show work on television, and I do very much love the end product. But I also genuinely think it’s a good idea to remember the real people behind these characters, and think critically about how we depict them ourselves.) 

Bottom Tier – The Overlooked Men of the Franklin Expedition

#10. Richard Wall – & – John Diggle

We’re combining these two because they had a lot in common, historically speaking! Both were polar veterans, having served as a Cook (Wall) and an AB-then-Quartermaster (Diggle) on HMS Erebus under the command of Sir James Clark Ross in the Antarctic expedition of 1839-1843. Certainly we do get some good scenes with them in the show, but there was plenty more to explore there – for instance, Captain Ross was apparently so taken with Richard Wall that he hired him on as a private cook after the Antarctic expedition. (One imagines that Sir James may have regretted letting his friends of the Franklin expedition steal Wall out from under him.)

(If you want some more information on Diggle, the brilliant @handfuloftime​ found this excellent article on him – fun facts include the detail that Diggle’s only daughter bore the name Mary Ann Erebus Diggle.) 

#9. John Smart Peddie 

Now, I don’t think we should go as far as the Doctor Who Audio Drama adaptation of the Franklin Expedition, which makes Peddie into Francis Crozier’s oldest friend, someone “almost like a brother” to Crozier (no evidence of ANY prior relationship between the two existed, contrary to whatever the Doctor Who Audio Dramas would have you believe!) but Peddie probably earned his place as chief surgeon, however fond we may all be of the beautiful Alex “Macca” MacDonald, who was, in fact, the Assistant Surgeon, historically speaking. It’s hard to find information about Peddie, but someone should go looking! I want to know about this man! 

(If you want to know more about the historical Alexander MacDonald, there’s a short biographical article on him from Arctic that you can read here.)

#8 James Walter Fairholme

The only one of the expedition’s lieutenants who doesn’t really get any characterization in the show, which is a travesty! The historical Fairholme (pronounced “Fairem”) was, as they say, a himbo, and the letters that he wrote home to his father are positively precious. He loved the expedition pets (lots of kisses for Neptune!), and he needed two kayaks because he couldn’t fit into just one with his beefy thighs. Fitzjames loaned him a coat when all the Erebus officers had their portraits taken, and then called him a “smart, agreeable companion, and a well informed man,” and Goodsir singled Fairholme out as “very much interested” in the work of naturalist observations. Just a lovely young man who could have gotten some screen time, you know? 

(Also, as @transblanky​ discovered, four separate members of the Fairholme family gave money to Thomas Blanky’s widow when she was struggling financially in the 1850s, making them, combined, the most generous contributor to her subscription.) 

Middle Tier – Franklin’s Men Who Didn’t Deserve That

#7. William Gibson

Alright, I want to talk about how uniquely horrible the show’s William Gibson is: this is a character willing to lie and accuse his partner of sexual assault that didn’t happen. I get there were extenuating circumstances, but if I were a historical figure who died in some famous disaster and someone depicted me doing something like that? Let’s just say I’m deeply offended on the real Gibson’s behalf. 

What do we know about the historical William Gibson? Not much – but we know a little. Gibson’s younger brother served on an overland exploratory venture across Australia in the 1870s… from which he never returned. (God, the Gibson family had the worst luck?) This description of a conversation that young Alf Gibson had with expedition leader Ernest Giles only days before his death is VERY eerie: 

[Gibson] said, “Oh! I had a brother who died with Franklin at the North Pole, and my father had a deal of trouble to get his pay from government.” He seemed in a very jocular vein this morning, which was not often the case, for he was usually rather sulky, sometimes for days together, and he said, “How is it, that in all these exploring expeditions a lot of people go and die?” 

I said, “I don't know, Gibson, how it is, but there are many dangers in exploring, besides accidents and attacks from the natives, that may at any time cause the death of some of the people engaged in it; but I believe want of judgment, or knowledge, or courage in individuals, often brought about their deaths. Death, however, is a thing that must occur to every one sooner or later.” 

To this he replied, “Well, I shouldn't like to die in this part of the country, anyhow.” In this sentiment I quite agreed with him, and the subject dropped.

(From Giles’s Australia Twice Traversed which you can read here) 

Beyond that, one thing we do know is that William Gibson was probably friends with Henry Peglar – they had served on ships together before, and Gibson may possibly have been the poor fellow found cradling the Peglar Papers, according to researcher Glenn Stein. So we might imagine the historical Gibson as a much kinder man than the show’s depiction of him – this was someone who befriended the clever, playful Peglar we all know and love from the transcriptions of his papers, so full of poetry and linguistic jokes. It’s a shame we didn’t get a chance to meet this real Gibson, who actually knew the Henry Peglar whom we love so well.

#6. Stephen Stanley

Look. There’s that one famous line in James Fitzjames’s letters to the Coninghams about how Stanley went about with his “shirt sleeves tucked up, giving one unpleasant ideas that he would not mind cutting one’s leg off immediately – ‘if not sooner.’” And certainly Harry Goodsir had some mixed opinions of the man, saying was “a would be great man who as I first supposed would not make any effort at work after a time,” and that he “knows nothing whatever about subject & is ignorant enough of all other subjects,” whatever…. that means…. 

But Fitzjames also had some rather nicer things to say about him, that he was “thoroughly good natured and obliging and very attentive to our mess.” Also, the amputation comment? Very likely had a quite positive underlying joke to it – Stanley may not have been much of a naturalist, but he was actually an accomplished anatomist, who won a prize for dissection in 1836, on account of his “bend of the elbow,” which was “a picture of dissection,” according to Henry Lonsdale, who also called Stanley his “facetious friend” and “a fine fellow” (Lonsdale 1870, pg. 159). So, the real Stanley probably was rather droll, but the perpetually cruel Stanley of the show misses some of the real man’s major historical virtues and replaces them with historically unlikely mass-mercy-murder. 

#5. John Irving

Now we’re getting into the territory of characters who did get some good development, but are missing a bit of historical nuance. As I’m sure many of you know, the historical Irving was indeed very religious, but the flashes of anger (i.e. against Manson) we see from Irving in the show don’t seem terribly consistent with the Irving depicted in this memorial volume, where John seems more like a quiet, bookish, mathematically inclined young man, with a self-deprecating sense of humor and a gentle sweetness. It’s really not at all far off from the version of Irving we see with Kooveyook in the show – I just wish we could have seen more of that side of Irving. 

Top Tier – The Triumvirate of Polar Friends

So, these three DO have many good things to recommend them in the show, but because I’ve done such deep research on them, it can be quite jarring to watch certain scenes in which they behave contrary to their historical personalities, and I find myself pausing when watching the show with friends or family to explain that NO, they wouldn’t do that! 

#4. Sir James Clark Ross

First thing – we LOVE Richard Sutton. He did a beautiful job with the material given to him. (This is true of all the actors on the list, frankly, but it’s doubly true here.) But that scene at the Admiralty where Sir James tells Lady Franklin “I have many friends on those ships, as you know,” to shut down her argument for search missions? At that time (aka 1847), historically, Sir James Clark Ross was actively campaigning for search missions, planning routes and volunteering his services in command of any vessel the Admiralty even vaguely contemplated sending out. You could see this real-life desperation in Sir James’s morose attention to his whiskey glass in that scene if you’re really trying, but I think the more historically responsible thing would have been to make vividly clear that James Ross risked life and limb, as soon as he possibly could, to try to rescue Franklin and Crozier and Blanky, men he’d known and cared about and bitterly missed – and, in the case of Crozier, “truly loved.” 

#3. Sir John Franklin

The historical Franklin had plenty of flaws – his contributions to British colonial rule certainly harmed no small number of people, and we should question the way that heroic statues of Franklin are some of the only memorials that serve to honor the lives lost on Franklin’s expeditions – especially considering the steep body count of not only Franklin’s final voyage, but his previous missions in Arctic regions as well. (DM me and I’ll scream at you about counter-monuments! Is this a promise or a threat? Who knows!) With that said, most contemporary accounts agree that Sir John Franklin treated his friends, his family, and those within his social orbit with kindness, and his cruelties were systemic, not personal. In this light, the image of Sir John viciously tearing into Francis Crozier’s vulnerabilities in the show feels very off. Though there was certainly some friction over Crozier’s two proposals to Sophia Cracroft, historically speaking, there’s no evidence at all that Sir John discouraged her from marrying Francis – Sophia may have had many reasons of her own (*clears throat meaningfully in a lesbian sort of way*) for not accepting any of the several marriage proposals offered to her (from Crozier as well as from others), and we ought to keep in mind that she remained unmarried all her life. The notion that the real Sir John would have considered Crozier too low-born or too Irish to be part of the Franklin family isn’t grounded in historical fact.

#2. Lady Jane Franklin

Again disclaimer: the real Lady Franklin left behind a legacy with much to critique. Those who rightfully point out the racism of her treatment of the young indigenous Tasmanian girl Mathinna should be fully heard out. Observations of her own contributions to imperialism are important and valid. Though I tend to see her feud with Dr. John Rae as somewhat understandable – given that Lady Franklin didn’t have the benefit of our hindsight knowing Rae was correct – the levels of prejudice that she enabled and even encouraged in the writing of Charles Dickens when he attempted to discredit Inuit accounts of Franklin’s fate are inarguably deplorable. These things being said, everything noted for Sir John re: Sophia Cracroft goes for Lady Franklin as well – there’s no reason to imagine a scene where Jane would bully Francis Crozier within an inch of his life, seconds after a failed second proposal, when, historically, Lady Franklin felt the situation was so delicate that it required the quiet and compassionate intervention of Sir James Clark Ross, a dearly loved mutual friend to all parties. Tension does not imply aggression; conflict is not abuse. We know this can’t have been an easy experience for the historical Francis Crozier, but the picture is a lot more complicated than what can be shown in one small subplot of a ten-episode television show. Because of this complexity, however, Lady Franklin’s social deftness suffers in the show. (I could also write an entire essay about Jane Franklin’s last shot in the show, at the beginning of Episode 9: The C the C the Open C – TL;DR is that framing is very important, and, at the very last moment, the show reframes Lady Franklin as a mutilated corpse, a speaking mouth without a brain, which is….. a choice.)

And, at number 1, the person done most dirty by The Terror (2018) is….

#1. Charles Frederick “Freddy” Des Voeux 

Look. I’m biased here because I am fed daily information about the historical Freddy Des Voeux from @frederickdesvoeux​ so I’ve become, I think understandably, a bit attached. 

But this is very plainly the clearest cruelty the show does to a historical figure – the historical Des Voeux was a very young man (only around 20 when the ships set sail) known always as “Frederick or Freddy” to his family, and described by all parties as bright and sweet – Fitzjames said that he was “a most unexceptionable, clever, agreeable, light-hearted, obliging young fellow, and a great favourite of Hodgson’s, which is much in his favour besides,” and described him cheerfully helping to catch specimens for Goodsir. Des Voeux is named “dear” by Captain Osborn in Erasmus Henry Brodie’s 1866 poem on the Franklin Expedition (43) and Leo McClintock reported the young man’s well-known “intelligence, gallantry, and zeal” in his 1869 update to his account of the Franklin Expedition’s fate (xlii). None of this is consistent with Des Voeux’s behaviour in the show, especially in the later episodes. 

To reduce Des Voeux to an easily-detested figure, over whose death one might cheer, is not a kindness – the creation of a narrative where his death is satisfying does damage to the memory of a real person, a barely-more-than-teenager who died in the cold of the Arctic and left behind only scraps of a shirt and a spidery signature in the bottom margin of a fragmentary document. 

Television shows may need their villains, but it’s important to remember that real life isn’t like that. Surely the historical Frederick Des Voeux was most likely not a perfect person, and, as an upper class officer contributing to a British imperial project, he does bear some responsibility for the harm done by the Franklin expedition, but it’s not accurate to assume he was any less worthy of sympathy than the other officers who considered him a friend – those men whom we now venerate, like James Fitzjames. So as far as I’m concerned, Freddy Des Voeux deserves at least as much consideration, care, and compassion from us. 

[dahlia-coccinea]

A few thoughts on Nelly and the 1st and 2nd generations in Wuthering Heights...I recently read Graeme Tytler’s essay, ‘The Presentation of Two Housekeeps’ and it made me consider a few parallels between Zillah and Nelly, and specifically their treatment of Catherine Earnshaw and Catherine Linton. While Nelly, Zillah, and the other housekeeper, are each unique characters, there are some interesting similarities and repetitions. Particularly between Zillah and Nelly - they both tend to see Catherine and Cathy as proud and remote, they neglect and diminish their feelings, and can be defensively snobbish in their interactions. I’ve mentioned before on different occasions how Nelly’s biases are most apparent in how she will leap to the defense of Cathy II, Hareton, and even Hindley and Linton at times, yet she seemingly cannot forgive similar faults in Catherine Earnshaw. Catherine and her daughter clearly have many of the same faults, and I’ve also mentioned how Isabella and Catherine have some similarities and with that have some similar faults, yet Nelly still believes Cathy to be good-hearted and Isabella to be a fine gentlewoman. Zillah and her unnamed predecessor are similarly biased against Cathy II, Hareton, and Linton though, I think their animosity is most apparent towards Cathy. They find her proud, demanding, and not worth their time. There are a few interesting similarities which I will quickly run through.

 First, in Tytler’s essay, he mentions:

 “...she (the unnamed housekeeper at the Heights) clearly regards the boy (Linton) as a sort of ‘spoilt brat’ instead of seeing him as someone who is in a loveless household is trying to cope with the symptoms of what will eventually prove to be a fatal disease.”

Though this is about Linton and not Cathy II, this does parallel how Nelly treats Catherine (then still only 15 years old) during her illness after Heathcliff runs away, in which Nelly even admits, “I cannot say I made a gentle nurse, and Joseph and the master were no better.” Both housekeepers take a negative view of their “spoiled” charges and disregard their feelings and illnesses.

Another similarity is the hostility and violence of the house; Hindley’s sadism certainly rivals Heathcliff’s. Heathcliff’s toxicity seems almost tame when remembering the scene of Hindley trying to shove a knife down Nelly's throat. (Also, wonder where Heathcliff might have learned his sadism??) Before the scene of Hindley dropping his son, Hareton, off the second floor Nelly says:

“I went to hide little Hareton, and to take the shot out of the master’s fowling-piece, which he was fond of playing with in his insane excitement, to the hazard of the lives of any who provoked, or even attracted his notice too much; and I had hit upon the plan of removing it, that he might do less mischief if he did go the length of firing the gun.”

We never get a clear example of Hindley’s worst treatment of Catherine compared to his actions towards Heathcliff, but I can’t imagine she escaped his ill moods. After Heathcliff runs away, Hindley finds Catherine distraught and he threatens to throw Heathcliff out if he finds out that they were spending time together and he tells her “after he’s gone, I’d advise you all to look sharp: I shall only have the more humour for you.” Catherine then declares that if he does throw out Heathcliff she’ll go with him and then, “Hindley lavished on her a torrent of scornful abuse, and bade her get to her room immediately, or she shouldn’t cry for nothing!” Yet Nelly imparts so much judgment on Catherine for using Hindley’s desire to see her marry or her illness after Heathcliff leaves, as leverage. I personally don’t blame Catherine one bit. 

During times of emotional crisis for the two Catherines, both Zillah and Nelly show a lack of sympathy. When Heathcliff leaves Nelly compares her crying to that of a child’s and despite her own senses telling her something is amiss she tells Catherine “What a noise for nothing!” and “What a trifle scares you!” Similarly when Cathy wakes Zillah to tell her to fetch a doctor and that Linton is dying Zillah believes she is overreacting and is “mistaken” and decides to wait a “quarter of an hour” until she is woken again by Cathy who was correct in her original fear. 

To be fair to Nelly there are times she yields to compassion, such as when Heathcliff and Catherine run away and she decides she will let them in despite Hindley’s orders not to do so. Or when Heathcliff had been beaten and locked in the garret she, “intended by no means to encourage their tricks: but as the prisoner had never broken his fast since yesterday’s dinner, (she) would wink at his cheating Mr. Hindley that once.”

Another parallel between mother and daughter and the housekeepers is their perceived egos. Zillah says of Cathy, “I should love well to bring her pride a peg lower.” I can’t help but find this eerily similar to Nelly’s opinion on Catherine Earnshaw when she tells Lockwood:

“I’ve had many a laugh at her perplexities and untold troubles, which she vainly strove to hide from my mockery. That sounds ill-natured: but she was so proud it became really impossible to pity her distresses, till she should be chastened into more humility.”

Nelly also says of Catherine upon her return from Thrushcross Grange: “Our young lady returned to us saucier and more passionate, and haughtier than ever” and says “she esteemed herself a woman, and our mistress.” Catherine Earnshaw's insistence of her maturity and womanhood is similar to her daughter's speech to Nelly many years later: 

“The Grange is not a prison, Ellen, and you are not my gaoler. And besides, I’m almost seventeen: I’m a woman. And I’m certain Linton would recover quickly if he had me to look after him. I’m older than he is, you know, and wiser: less childish, am I not?"

Zillah mentions to Nelly her opinions of young Cathy after her marriage to Linton, and notes her perceived snobbery, and says she, ‘would have been rather more friendly, but her attempts at increasing kindness were proudly and promptly repelled.’ These feelings are mentioned again when Cathy leaves her room at the Heights, a fortnight after Linton’s death and Nelly relates to Lockwood that Zillah complains Cathy, ‘turned up her nose at my civility, as Zillah puts it, namely that of offering ‘my seat in the arm-chair.’ Zillah says “in spite of her pride, she was forced to condescend to our company, more and more.” Similarly, Catherine and Nelly's relationship have similar problems - after Heathcliff leaves Nelly says at one point she tells Catherine it is her fault that he left and, “From that period, for several months, she ceased to hold any communication with me, save in the relation of a mere servant.” 

I think I may be forgetting some other scenes...and I’m interested to see how my ideas change when I reread the book next month. In conclusion, Zillah's complaints about Catherine Linton are very reminiscent of Nelly’s feelings towards Catherine Earnshaw. There are multiple times where both housekeepers display an utter lack of sympathy and they struggle to understand them and their emotional needs. Like I mentioned earlier, I don’t think Nelly, Zillah, and the other housekeeper are the same characters, but they help create parallels between the characters and the plots of the two generations. I think these examples also cast doubt on Nelly’s already questioned reliability as a narrator. 

[dontbipanicjonsa]

Dutiful Sansa Stark

Plus some extra stuff about perceptions and POV traps

Read under the cut-

Tyrion 

"No," Sansa said at once. "You . . . you are kind to offer, but . . . there are no devotions, my lord. No priests or songs or candles. Only trees, and silent prayer. You would be bored."

"No doubt you're right." She knows me better than I thought. "Though the sound of rustling leaves might be a pleasant change from some septon droning on about the seven aspects of grace." Tyrion waved her off. "I won't intrude. Dress warmly, my lady, the wind is brisk out there."

He was tempted to ask what she prayed for, but Sansa was so dutiful she might actually tell him, and he didn't think he wanted to know.

xxx

He wondered what Sansa would do if he leaned over and kissed her right now. Flinch away, most likely. Or be brave and suffer through it, as was her duty. She is nothing if not dutiful, this wife of mine. If he told her that he wished to have her maidenhead tonight, she would suffer that dutifully as well, and weep no more than she had to.

Littlefinger

A true daughter would not refuse her sire a kiss, so Alayne went to him and kissed him, a quick dry peck upon the cheek, and just as quickly stepped away.

"How . . . dutiful." Littlefinger smiled with his mouth, but not his eyes.

xxx

She hugged him dutifully and kissed him on the cheek. "I am sorry to intrude, Father. No one told me you had company."

"You are never an intrusion, sweetling. I was just now telling these good knights what a dutiful daughter I had."

"Dutiful and beautiful," said an elegant young knight whose thick blond mane cascaded down well past his shoulders.

That's a lot of dutiful.

On the surface it seems like these two situations- one with Tyrion and one with LF- parallel each other; creepy, older men interested in Sansa think she's too 'dutiful' because she suffers through their attentions. However, when we dig deeper it becomes clear that the two situations actually contrast in subtle ways.

Tyrion

Tyrion calls her dutiful, but what duty is she fulfilling? She actually fails to fulfil her biggest duty to him i.e. having his babies (ew).

Or rather, she refuses to do her duty to him.

"On my honor as a Lannister," the Imp said, "I will not touch you until you want me to."

It took all the courage that was in her to look in those mismatched eyes and say, "And if I never want you to, my lord?"

His mouth jerked as if she had slapped him. "Never?"

Cue me falling ever deeper in love

This is a powerful scene. Tyrion is willing to give her an inch, but she goes and takes a mile. She could have just said "yes, I'll let you know when I want you" and then never let him know, but instead she said that. His plan was to postpone the consummation, but now she’s taken the opportunity to tell him that if she had her way, they would never consummate their marriage. He can still go through with it, but with this one statement (knowingly or unknowingly) she's put the onus of choice on him. He can still touch her, he can still consummate the marriage- but Sansa will never want him to. It’s still her ‘duty’ to suffer through it, but now any future sexual contact between them is undoubtedly in the non-con category.

That doesn't sound like Sansa is just reluctant to do her duty, it sounds like she's rejecting it.

In fact, Sansa is basically never shown to think about her 'duties' as his wife. Eating lunch with him may be her 'duty', but she isn't doing it for that reason. She's doing it because what other choice does she have?

Honestly I'm not sure where he even gets the idea that she's oh-so-dutiful, because as far as I can tell, she's really just doing the bare minimum she can get away with doing as his political-prisoner-child-bride.

Sansa does not, for a single second, give a flying fuck about her duty to Tyrion and I love her for it.

And yet, Tyrion's my-dutiful-wife false belief is what allows her to get away with planning her escape. Tyrion fails to be suspicious of her even when he absolutely should be re: that first quote.

So-

Tyrion likes to think Sansa is dutiful (for some reason).

Sansa is not dutiful.

Sansa doesn't seem to be aware that Tyrion thinks she is, but it works to her advantage nevertheless.

Littlefinger

Now in Littlefinger's case she really is playing the dutiful daughter.

This time, fulfilling her 'duty' as his daughter is in her best interest, because it acts as an excuse to avoid what he really wants from her. It's basically the reverse of the Tyrion Situation.

So-

Littlefinger thinks Sansa is dutiful because she is.

She's acting dutiful on purpose (to diffuse his sexual attraction (ew) towards her).

Clearly, it's working to her advantage.

Now, onto the extra stuff-

We have this-

Dontos chuckled. "My Jonquil's a clever girl, isn't she?"

"Joffrey and his mother say I'm stupid."

"Let them. You're safer that way, sweetling.

xxx

"The g-g-godswood, my lord," she said, not daring to lie. "Praying . . . praying for my father, and . . . for the king, praying that he'd not be hurt."

"Think I'm so drunk that I'd believe that?" He let go his grip on her arm, swaying slightly as he stood, stripes of light and darkness falling across his terrible burnt face. "You look almost a woman . . . face, teats, and you're taller too, almost . . . ah, you're still a stupid little bird, aren't you?

xxx

"There's to be so much, my lord. I have a little tummy." She fiddled nervously with her hair and looked down the table to where Joffrey sat with his Tyrell queen.

Does she wish it were her in Margaery's place? Tyrion frowned. Even a child should have better sense.

Sansa goes under the radar so well in KL because people think she's too stupid to do anything. Again, we see Tyrion, an overall smart guy, fail to be suspicious of Sansa's very suspicious behavior nevermind that she IS a child you asshole because he thinks she's stupid.

So-

People think Sansa is stupid

She's not stupid. We also don't see Sansa actively encouraging that perception, which makes sense because-

she doesn't need to. They do that all by themselves and

she's too busy believing she really is stupid, poor kid

3. It works to her advantage anyway.

Which leads me to-

"I forgot, you've been hiding under a rock. The northern girl. Winterfell's daughter. We heard she killed the king with a spell, and afterward changed into a wolf with big leather wings like a bat, and flew out a tower window. But she left the dwarf behind and Cersei means to have his head."

xxx

"Your Grace has forgotten the Lady Sansa," said Pycelle.

The queen bristled. "I most certainly have not forgotten that little she-wolf."

xxx

"The dwarf's wife did the murder with him," swore an archer in Lord Rowan's livery. "Afterward, she vanished from the hall in a puff of brimstone, and a ghostly direwolf was seen prowling the Red Keep, blood dripping from his jaws."

So-

People thinking Sansa murdered Joffrey with her witchy wolf ways.

She didn't.

???

I am SO looking forward to see where this goes.

More extra stuff-

This entire post grew out of me obsessing over this post.

It got me thinking that out of the six core characters, Sansa is the most observed one. We see her in real time through the chapters of other POV characters the most. I counted. My count can be up or down by about one or two chapters, but I have Sansa pegged at around 15 chapters, followed by Tyrion at 11, then A*ya (around 9), then Jon (around 8), then Bran (4), and then D*ny (0). This is exacerbated by the fact that Sansa has some of the least number of POV chapters of the 'core six'. This means that-

We see Sansa more (or at more than others) from other POVs than her own. In other words, we get to be in Sansa's head less and in other characters' head thinking about her more (unlike most other main characters).

This plays a BIG ROLE in her POV trap, which is pretty much the opposite of D*ny's POV trap in terms of both what it is hiding and how

Perception and reality play a very obvious and direct part in Sansa's story, both her own perceptions and others' perceptions of her.

The Vale arc changes everything though. Now suddenly-

She's surrounded by an entirely new cast of people

She's the only POV character in the location

She has an entirely new identity with none of the same pre-conceived biases attached (though there sure are other pre-conceived biases that go with her identity)

This has happened with other characters as well (Tyrion in ADWD, Arya in every other book), but the impact it has on our perception of her is unique. It's basically reversing everything her POV trap was previously built on.

Now, she is her own worst critic. Now, the thoughts that other POV characters have of her (Tyrion, Cersei) are increasingly muddled. Is she a murderous sorcerer, or a stupid little girl? Was she dutiful, or a scheming traitor? The correct answer is-

she was none of those things. Everyone is just....trapped by their own PoV?

[true-blue-megamind]

FAN THEORY THURSDAY – Why Did Metroman Retire?

Happy Almost-Friday, everyone! And even though Minion threatens to smother everything he cooks in old Limburger cheese each time I say it: SPOILER WARNING!

Yes, I know, it’s three a.m. and it’s technically Friday, but I’m still calling this Thursday night, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Okay, let’s be honest, Metroman is a character who seems, on the surface, to require little explanation in the film Megamind. He’s only present in the beginning and end, and we spend half the movie believing he’s dead, and we learn that Metroman has done something almost unheard of among superheroes: he’s chosen to retire. The question is: why? There is a tendency to think that he's simply a spoiled rich boy who, (in his social life, at least,) does what he wants without regard for others, but is that really fair? Or could there be other possible reasons? Well, let’s take a look at a few fan theories that may explain why he chose to abandon heroism for a music career.

Metroman Didn’t Want to Be a Hero

Although he’s clearly based on—and perhaps even poking a little fun at—the Man of Steel, Metroman was no Superman. (I mean, okay, he was technically a super-man, since he had strength, speed, and powers far beyond what a human would possess.) Except, here’s the thing: he’s not a carbon copy of the Man of Steel; Metroman and Superman have completely different lives and personalities. This remains true despite the fact that they share a similar origin—that of being aliens from a dead planet—and identical powers—including laser-vision and flight. Even their code names are comparable. However, if we look deeper, it becomes obvious that Metroman and Superman are two very different characters.

Superman is all about being an upstanding hero. Although he can be annoyingly persnickety, and sometimes displays nearly oppressively unyielding strictures about right and wrong, one thing you can say about the Man of Steel is that he’s generally integral. He is exactly what his public image portrays him to be: a Good Guy through and through. The same isn’t true of Metroman, and in some ways that makes him a more complex and interesting character.

The childhoods of the two heroes are extremely different. As I’ve mentioned in Why Was Megamind Raised in Prison, when a boy, Metroman was a bully, not only making young Megamind an outsider and the object of everything from teasing to physical attacks, but also inspiring other students to do the same. Superman, on the other hand, far from being a bully was bullied by Pete Ross. Rather than using his powers against others, he was too responsible and good-hearted to use them even against Pete Ross. Metroman is adopted by super-wealthy parents, and is essentially a trust-fund baby, while Superman was adopted by a farm family. He grows up with a good work ethic and hometown values. Indeed, this economic discrepancy continues into adulthood. As far as we can tell, Metroman doesn’t need to work and has no job outside being a superhero. Superman, conversely, has to earn a living as a journalist. Finally, in the majority of comics, Superman avoids most public appearances, unless he feels they serve some beneficial social purpose. Indeed, he goes to great lengths to keep his identity a secret and avoid the public eye as much as possible. The first time we see Metroman in the film, however, he is basking in a crowd’s adoration at the dedication of a museum in his honor. Indeed, in the original script, then called Mastermind, Metroman’s real identity seems to be widely known. (In case you’re wondering, this is where the name Wayne Smith, commonly used in the fandom, originates from.) So, we see that these character are actually very different: one is a hero strictly for the greater good, and the other, while he certainly does a lot of good things, is also in it for the fame.

This may seem like I’m being harsh toward poor Wayne Smith, but his flaws do not, in fact, make him a bad person. The issue is that we’re comparing him to Superman who, while still certainly imperfect, is intended to be a better-than-average person in every way, including moral. Make no mistake, Metro City’s former hero isn’t any sort of villain; what he is is normal. If we’re honest, most of us would be pleased by wide-spread accolades and honors. He reacts to positive fame the same way nearly anyone would because, at his heart, he’s really just a typical guy. That is the material point: Wayne Smith really only wants to be an average citizen—a music star, perhaps, but still a relatively ordinary person. In that way, he and Megamind are alike: they both desire, more than nearly anything else, to be normal. The key difference is that Megamind’s sincere and driving concern for his city also makes him ideal for becoming a hero. (You can learn more about this particular fan theory in The Warden and in Megamind and Identity.)

So, why did Wayne Smith become a Defender in the first place, then? Again, I’ve briefly touched on this in previous posts, but it appears likely that Metroman was pushed into heroism just as much as Megamind was pushed into supervillainy. Because he was a bully with superpowers, it’s likely that adults around him realized something had to be done about Wayne. Otherwise he was a danger. So, they constructed an environment—the Li’l Gifted School—where he could be conditioned to seek the praise of others as well as to fight Megamind, who had been singled out as his future nemesis. (In fact, that conditioning is probably why he opted for a career that would put him on stage, aside from a probable love of music.)

Because the path chosen for Megamind involved more hardships and pain, it’s easy to forget that Metroman was in essentially the exact same plight. However, the fact remains that these were both children, and they were both being coerced into perceived destinies they didn’t want. Neither of them were given a choice and, in the end, both of them cast off the expectations pressed upon them to become the people they really wanted to be. The difference is that, because of our natural biases, Megamind’s rise to Defender of Metro City seems more noteworthy than Metroman’s step into Mr. Average Joe. The truth, however, is that both characters were basically doing the same thing: being true to themselves.

Metroman May Have Had Health Concerns

We know Megamind and Metroman are close to the same age—although the latter appears to be about a year rather than days old when he lands on Earth—but what that age is is open to supposition. We know, however, that they are almost certainly in their thirties, probably in their mid- to late-thirties. (Take a look at How Old is Megamind for more information about that.) However, we can see that Wayne is already going gray around the temples. Of course, some people’s genetics simply cause them to go gray earlier, and that’s certainly a possibility, but one fan theory suggest there may be more going on. The idea has been put forward that Wayne’s super-speed may be having an adverse effect on him, forcing his body to work overtime to keep up. The resulting physical stress could be making him age prematurely.

That’s not the only factor to consider. As hard as heroism may have been on his body, the effects on Metroman’s mind would have been even greater. Before the events in the movie, Metro City’s authorities—and, indeed, all its citizens—became too reliant upon their superhuman hero, and as a result that hero was run ragged. That isn’t a mere hypothesis. A scene that was storyboarded but never included in the final film makes Metroman’s plight perfectly clear. We see him being called from one end of the city to the other for everything from a massive explosion to an old lady needing help opening a jar. Keep in mind that, when hearing a cry for assistance, the hero would likely be unable to tell who truly needed him urgently and who was simply making unnecessary demands, thus he would have to rush to every call he heard. Even the city’s law enforcement seems to take him for granted, refusing to take criminals he just hand-delivered to jail because they’re on lunch break. The cumulative effect is that Metroman looks nearly frantic with stress.

This is important because, aside from the obvious mental and emotional concerns, this sort of stress accelerates aging as well. According to an article in the Huffington Post, when glycation and telomere shortening, as well as the over-oxidation, are caused by enduring heightened stress for prolonged periods of time, it can result not only in graying hair and premature wrinkles, but heart trouble as well. Even the memory can be affected, as one study by the University of Wisconsin found that stress can age a person’s brain up to four years faster than normal, and contribute to cognitive problems later in life. (The study was part of a presentation—you have no idea how badly I wanted to write that word in all-caps—and is thus currently unpublished, but information about it can be found in an article from Over Sixty.)

Metroman Retired for the Good of Everybody

As you can see, in a strange way, having a super-powered Defender was actually crippling Metro City. In fact, it may be truly damaging to the local infrastructure and official organizations. Youtuber Olaf Scholtens, in his video Megamind: Power and Identity, uses the metaphor of an airplane manufacturer to explain what’s going on. (If you’ve read my own post Megamind and Identity, you’ve seen this before.) Engineers and factories put a lot of effort and expense into making certain aircraft are as safe as possible, but what would happen if they felt they could confidently assume a superhero would simply catch any plane that crashed, saving everyone on board? Safety standards would probably become far more lax, and people might be in far more danger as a result. Given the way that nearly everyone in Metro City seems to assume Metroman will always save the day, it’s possible that, within the urban area, the same thing could be happening with things like building code enforcement, large construction projects, and even public safety measures. Bridges might not be properly built, fire hazards might not be addressed, and, given the blasé attitudes of the cops in the storyboard, law enforcement officers might not even be bothering to keep an eye on things. By retiring, Metroman forced the city to become more self-sufficient again.

That, however, may not have been the only problem Metroman was trying to solve. Remember the whole discussion about the former Defender’s school boy bullying and the apparent conspiracy to turn one boy into a hero and the other into a supervillain? It’s possible Wayne may have felt remorse for the former and found out about the latter. Having battled Megamind so much in the past, he also may have realized that the blue man never actually hurt anyone, and in fact went out of his way to stage their confrontations in abandoned places. (Again, you can read more about that in both Megamind and Identity and The Warden.) It may be that Metroman real “brilliant plan” wasn’t simply to fake his death, but in doing so to prod Megamind into becoming a hero and thus accepted by society.

There is an alternative theory, put forward in a Reddit post, that Megamind and Metroman’s parents may have known one another, and may have sent both children to Earth with the intention of them becoming a dynamic duo, fighting evil together with Megamind as the brains and Metroman as the brawn. This could have been what Megamind’s father meant when he told his son: “You are destined for greatness.” While there is very little support for this in the movie, it would explain why, in the vast cosmos, both of the young survivors were sent not only to the same planet, but even to the same city.

Whatever the reason may have been, one thing is certain: there certainly is some evidence that Metroman intended his one-time nemesis to become a hero. One of his lines, after Roxanne and Megamind discover he’s still alive, supports this. You know the one. “If there’s bad, good will rise up against it. It’s taken me a long time to find my calling; now it’s time you find yours.” Then, of course, there is another line, when Music Man is watching his former enemy take the role of Defender of Metro City: “way to go, Little Buddy. I knew you had it in you.”

If Metroman really did purposefully help Megamind step into heroism, that could also explain why he didn’t stop Megamind from taking over the city—perhaps he trusted the blue man not to harm anyone and to eventually come to his senses—as well as why he refuses to overtly help defeat Titan. He does, however, clearly subtly assist Megamind, as the latter almost certainly went back to Wayne’s hideout to scan his appearance and voice into the holowatch. All of this together makes it seem quite plausible that Metroman not only wanted to retire, but also wanted the blue man to take his place.

Megamind and Metroman by White-Night-56 on Deviant Art

Maybe this means that, now that Megamind is the Defender of Metro City, he and Music Man occasionally get together to commiserate over the more difficult aspects of being a superhero and joke about the old days.

It’s also quite possible that all of these fan theories could be true. The film Megamind is, among other things, surprisingly subtle, complex, and subversive for an animated movie. Every time I dive deep into some aspect or other of the plot, I am once again impressed by the amount of thought and detail that went into this work. No wonder Megamind—and its characters—have so many dedicated fans.

[sonitavalentine]

hi can i ask a question about kaname and yuki on vk? may i ask if yuki is kaname's one true/great love? the same for yuki because on vk there's so many things left unanswered especially with the hd woman i really aprreciate your answer thank you

Hi,

Yuuki IS Kaname’s truest love because she’s the main heroine. It’s as simple as that lol. With Hino it’s even simpler than with any other mangaka.

Yuuki is the centre of two main boys who were created to be HOT. And to me, and my opinion may sound very biased, but it looks to me that Hino made it pretty clear that she won’t allow such Hawt Bois to love anyone else but her Tender Princess.

Look, Kaname and Zero may be the opposites and the archenemies of each other, they may differ in every deed they do and every trait they have, but if there’s anything what they share it’s their way of accepting Yuuki’s behaviour towards each other. It’s unbelievable how much they both can forgive to her considering the way Yuuki treats them both. Like, Yuuki can literally sleep today with Kaname, tomorrow with Zero, the day after tomorrow with Kaname again and so on and none of them would wink once. They’re both ready to be martyrs for her no matter how many times she’s going to betray them. Hell, they both don’t even consider it a betrayal. Kaname is okay for Yuuki’s heart to be divided into two pieces for him and for Zero, and Zero is okay for Yuuki to ask Kaname’s half-dead body if he allows them to be together.

Hino goes as far as to declaring Kaname as Kuran’s ancestor but never ever even gives a hint how he became one. I mean for being an ancestor you have to have an ancestress at least to create kids that will continue the bloodline. But who’s the lady that took that place? Unknown. It might’ve been Hooded Woman, but Hino added her into the plot without caring to emphasize her real role in the Kuran bloodline. When you make a figure of the ancestor that important you have to deal with the fact that the ancestress should be revealed as well. But Hino never does that and never cares. Because it’s not important for her, the main deal is Kaname’s feelings for Yuuki, the rest can roast in hellfire.

So Yuuki is Kaname’s real love not only judging by his actions towards Yuuki from the context of the manga, but also from the subtext - Hino isn’t pleased with the idea that Yuuki isn’t the centre of the world of any of the main male leads. And so many things are left unanswered exactly because Hino doesn’t know how to answer them correctly without explaining how two such different personalities like Kaname and Zero can be so similar in only one thing which is their attitude towards Yuuki’s indecisiveness. If it was one of them, I’d believe it, it would pass as a character trait. But both? Not working.

My words probably sound toxic but that’s how I feel about this case at the moment.

[c-is-for-circinate]

Y’all this episode had everything I could possibly have wanted and things I never even knew to wish for.

How did one episode start with Henry Crabgrass, the most glorious and beloved NPC of my heart, and end with mother fucking Avantika, with so much awesome shit in between!!!  How!!!

Okay I am making a list of shit I absolutely loved tonight, in approximate chronological order:

Y’all I just love Henry Crabgrass so much.  I don’t even have smart things to say about that fact, just a warm glow in my heart.  May all the light of Melora’s grace smile down upon them and leave Henry as the toughest, most unkillable patch of crabgrass in all Exandria.

Vess and the Tombtakers, so many questions and so few certain answers, so many things to wonder, so many dots to connect!  I really do feel like the crew are connecting them at this point, and while I’m sure in some places they’re far from the map, the general outline really is starting to emerge.  What, exactly, was in the book the Tombtakers tried to claim without showing it to Vess deRogna first?  What did it do to Lucien?  And, if Vess has the book--what are they trying to find now?

So okay, let’s talk about Yasha and Beau. As someone who has had a lot of feelings about the intense relatability of Beau’s crush on Jester, I have now fully committed to also having a whole lot of mostly new feelings about these terrible awkward disaster lesbians with no fucking idea what they’re doing.  I saw a post the other day mention how this whole relationship is about the feeling of discovering you can have this, that you can actually be happy, that you get to have this kind of relationship with someone.  I’ve written about that.  And I feel it so, so hard, every time I see them interact, when every bit of bravado leaves both of them. It’s so easy to be off-putting!  It’s so easy to have crushes on wonderful people you kind of wish would look at you but you’re absolutely sure never will.  It’s so hard to actually know what the fuck to do in the face of wait shit this might actually be a thing I could get for real? how? wait, how???

Also let’s talk about Jester in that scene, who ships Beauyasha harder than anything in the world???   Because yes, right, some of it is just that Jester loves romance, and some of it’s that Jester gets very invested in the happiness of her friends, but that is a lot of investment there.  And I can’t help wondering if there’s a little dimension of...she wants to see True Love and Happily-Ever-After work.  And she’s delighted to see it work for her friends who she loves, and when it comes true they’ll be happy and she loves that, but also I don’t know that Jester’s ever actually seen two people fall in love with each other and enter into a healthy, happy relationship before.  But hey, all of her books say this wonderful magical thing exists, and now it seems to actually be showing up for her friends?  Of course she wants to see it.  Of course she wants it to be just as magical and wonderful as in all her stories, even if it’s not for her. (And maybe especially if it’s not for her, but I think that’s a whole separate post about Jester and her very high passive insight and all the people who are in love with her and the very specific ways she treats each of them.)

I love Yeza.  Don’t we all love Yeza?  He’s trying so hard.  It’s always great to see Yeza for that kind of wide-eyed outsider POV on the M9 shenanigans, and I love it.  He made a comment this episode about meeting goblins while living in Rosohna, and everything that’s happened to him really hit me in a while new way.  Usually I think about how he’s had his life turned upside down by all of this, but man, just think how much he’s seen that he never in a million years would have begun to expect to experience!  This smalltown alchemist from a pastoral little farming city in the middle of the Dwendalian midwest has lived for a significant amount of time as a housekeeper in the capitol city of the Krynn Dynasty.  He must have gone to the markets and met the neighbors and learned the streets and the food, and who had he ever known in his whole life who could say such a thing?  He lived with the Ruby of the Sea in Nicodranas by the ocean.  He’s been to Zadash, now, and it’s only a matter of time before he sees Rexxentrum.  How much farther will he go?  (Man, I would love some good Yeza fic once this campaign is over.  I think it’s going to take that long for me to really know how his story arc ends.)

Someone was posting earlier this episode about witnessing Vess scare Yeza so badly, and insight into how the Nein are starting to run in circles that really outstrip the people they used to know.  Watching Pumat in the wake of being Informed By Lady de Rogna That He Would Put A Rush On That has really hammered it home.  They remarked, in their very M9 somewhat idle vaguely ridiculous way that they wanted the icebreaker, and one tiny snowman later Vess had pulled rank and money and rerouted the ship’s entire passage for them.  She’s scary--and with her, the M9 have the kind of power that’s scary, too. And that’s always such an interesting moment.  The M9 are used to thinking of themselves as people with very little, who have to fight and scrap and get lucky for their own survival all the time.  And yes, they’re utterly careless with money--why not be, when it comes and goes and almost none of them have ever really seen it help or last?  And yes, they’re prone to violence and sometimes pretty rude.  But before now, it’s always been a situation where the M9 acting loud, rude, and demanding could be chaotic underdogs scrapping to get what they needed or wanted from people who had the option of saying no.  Suddenly they’re in a position where the balance of social situations is biased in their favor instead of against them. There’s such a difference between ‘please accede to my unreasonable request because I have a high charisma and will pay you lots of gold’, and, ‘you’re going to accede to my unreasonable request because otherwise my Cerberus Assembly boss may or may not have you assassinated’.  The M9 have never been on this side of that before.  I’m very curious to see how much they notice that they are now.

PALADIN OATH PALADIN OATH PALADIN OATH!  I was not paying nearly enough attention when that scene started, so I am going to need to watch it again and also make extra sure to read any available source material on this specific homebrew oath, because it’s probably not exactly the same as the Oath of the Sea homebrew you can find on google.  There’s some overlap between the abilities there and the ones Fjord already have, and the vows don’t quite match up, though some of them are close.  Ugh, mostly I’m just so glad it has happened and Fjord has promised and he means it, he means it so much.  He rest-of-his-life means it, and my heart belongs to Fjord who couldn’t even imagine the rest of his life as a thing separate from the monotony of his first thirty years, so very recently.

I actually always really love when CR has episodes at sea?  Obviously the M9 have done it the most, but Vox Machina went sailing a time or two as well, and it’s just always so great.  It’s often days of down time in a way that overland travel isn’t, and the party fills it with so many good little moments.  Matt always gives them such cool encounters.  On boats, spending a week at a time getting from one place to another, so much of the chaos of rewriting a plan seventeen times in an hour gets stripped away: they’re headed towards a destination, sometimes something comes up to deter them, and they have to find a way to deal with it.  There are always crew members and the structure of a boat itself to take into consideration in any combat that pops up.  It’s just such a nice tone, and I also love that the ocean itself kind of hates them now because it adds really delightful additional risks, and anyway heck yeah ocean voyage.

WHICH ENDS IN UNDEAD AVANTIKA ATTACKING THE SHIP WITH A TRIO OF CRAB-MEN AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE HOLY FUCK.  Look, I think M9 becoming pirates by accident and then trying to figure out wtf might actually be my favorite arc of this campaign so far, and every time it comes back I get so so happy.  I’ve got some feelings about this showing up in the same episode as Fjord finally taking his full oath to the Wildmother. They are going to have to kill U’kotoa before this campaign is through.  They are going to have to, because Fjord will never be safe on the ocean again if they don’t, and Fjord has bound himself by vow and will in service as the Wildmother’s paladin of the open sea.  She hasn’t asked it of him, not specifically, but it’s his job.  It’s going to be his job.  In part it’ll be because it’s poetic justice, Fjord taking down the cruel demigod who (in some ways) made him.  Mostly it’s just that killing U’kotoa is a job that needs to be done.  To protect the oceans, the life they hold, the people who sail upon them, it’s going to need to be done.  It’s Melora’s domain to do this, which means it’s her paladin’s job, and Fjord is her paladin of the sea.  It’ll be him sooner or later.

I am so fucking delighted at the massive pile of fireworks on the deck of this ship, and I hope to god these Chekhovian bottle rockets go off before the end of this combat encounter, because this is, in fact, all I ever wanted the minute Beau put them in there.

[buckysbabygorl]

Best Friend’s Brother (College AU) Part 2: An Introduction

Summary: Y/N goes up to her friend’s ‘summer home’ for spring break to forget about the daily stress of being a student. She’s ready to let loose and have fun, but she wasn’t prepared to meet her friend’s attractive older brother...

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: mild swearing, drinking, sexual inuuendo and themes

Word Count: 2,002

Dedicated to @marvelrose

Part 1 , Part 3

Series Masterlist

Rebecca had been right.

The interior was far more incredible than the outside.

The seclusion and privacy of the estate added to the homey ambiance of the luxurious mansion; the interior was decorated in soft creams and whites, with dark wood furnishings to contrast. The front foyer was immaculate and grand; its staircase leading to the upstairs level was immense and curved along the east wall of the entrance.

Y/N looked to the ceiling and admired the crystal chandelier hanging decadently over them. The delicate glass glistened beautifully with the light, and Y/N noticed then their lack of dust; as if they had appeared there in this moment exactly. Completely untouched.

“It’s quite beautiful, isn’t it?” Brimsby commented.

Not knowing how else to describe the sight, Y/N slowly nodded in amased agreement. It really was beautiful, but somehow beautiful didn’t seem to articulate the sight justly.

Bags in hand, Brimsby motioned for her to follow him to the staircase. “This way, Miss. Your room as well as Miss Barnes reside on the upper level.”

He started his walk, but realized she hadn’t followed him, too caught up in the appearance of the house. A small smile pulled at his lip; understanding the young lady’s fascination with the place; though his amusement had been long ago diluted as his days at the estate passed

“The upstairs is just as wonderful as the down, my dear.”

As she took in his words, she quickly followed him, excited to view more of the architecture and decor.

She trailed behind him, lightly tracing the wood railing as she ascended the staircase.

So polished, she thought. So smooth.

It was evident the amount of care put into the place; each sconce and crevice she had seen so far was catered to with a consistent and loving upkeep. Somehow, it made the place all the more beautiful.

“How long have you been with the family?” Y/N asked.

Brimsby stopped at the top stair for her, waiting to speak until they could walk in side by side.

“Decades my dear. I began working here as a young boy when the children's grandfather was the head of the household. ”

“Wow,” Y/N said, “So the estate has been in the family for quite some time then.”

“Indeed it has.” He spoke proudly as they rounded the second landing, pleased with the effort he had given after all these years.

Y/N tried to picture it; a little Rebcca running through the halls with her brother. That same energy from a kid never leaving her; that overwhelming happiness and the love for this estate...

“You’ve really taken care of the place,” She complimented, “I’m sure the Barnes are grateful.”

He led her down an attached hall of the landing, dark and sturdy doors accompanying them on each side. Bedrooms, she assumed.

“Anyone would agree... Rebecca loves you like family.”

Brimsby smiled at that, “Well, I’m grateful to have them as well. They’ve been very gracious to me, being here hardly feels like work at all.”

Y/N hummed happily, “If you do what you love…”

“...You’ll never work a day in your life.” He finished. 

Y/N chuckled slightly as they came to a stop. Placing the bags on the floor, he turned back to the young girl with his hand on the doorknob.

“And this,” Brimsby gestured to his right, “is your room.”

Y/N hadn’t known what to expect; but she certainly hadn’t expected this.

The entire trip up; Rebecca hadn’t mentioned a word of the appearance of the place. No warning about the massive mansion, the immense space. Y/N pictured a quaint cottage on the water, the average two point five bedrooms, and a bathroom all of them would fight over in the mornings.

But that hadn’t been the case at all; the home had been the definition of opulence. And this room had been no exception.

The room was spacious, much like the rest of the house. It had the same creams and whites, but the furnishings in the room weren’t the dark modern wood she had seen. They were softer in color and lacked varnish; she assumed antique. The massive bed that lay in the centre of the room had plush pillows, and a thick comforter that swirled in patterns of light blues and yellows. As Y/N walked further in: she noticed the props of the room were also vintage; lamps and ash trays on the bedside tables, and the books and ornaments on the shelves looked as though they were pulled from a different time. The far wall was nearly entirely window, a long bench running underneath the sills for sitting. 

“Do you think you’ll be comfortable in here, Miss?”

Y/N turned to Brimsby, who waited patiently at the door.

“It’s incredible. I couldn’t ask for a better room.”

He smiled, entering and setting her bags at the foot of the bed.

“Excellent. I shall leave you to get better acquainted with the room. Do let me know if there’s anything more I can do for you.”

As he was leaving, Y/N called for him.

“Thank you, you’ve been wonderful. I really appreciate it.”

He smiled, “Of course, any friend of Rebecca’s is welcome in this home. It was lovely meeting you.”

“Likewise.”

With their conversation ended, Brimsby closed the door behind him and left Y/N alone.

Y/N made no rush to unpack, instead seating herself on the bench at the window, looking to the trees at the front of the house.

She shook her head in amazement, “Can’t believe this place.” She said to herself.

She knew she’d thank Rebecca over and over again for this experience: the house alone was amazing. A luxurious stay with your best friend, an entire week to yourselves…

Well, not exactly yourselves, she realized.

I wonder what the boys will be like, she thought.

So far everything Rebecca had said was positive; but she may have been biased. Regardless, Y/N figured that she’d at least get along with James and his friends, based on the fact Rebecca and him were cut from the same cloth. Both pursued careers in Law, wanting to ‘make a difference in the world’, and on that notion alone Y/N could respect James. Apparently, he was funny; charming; more rowdy than most, but sometimes he had his moments.

“He gets really quiet every now and then.” Y/N remembers Rebecca saying, “Thoughtful, I think he tries to come off that he isn’t sensitive, or smart. But he is, he really is…”

Y/N smiled at the thought, admiring how highly Rebecca thought of him. Y/N was still skeptical, of course. But at the very least, she would have to give him a chance.

“Steve! You in there?”

Y/N turned at the voice, watching as the door swung open and in walked a young man.

He was dressed casually; khaki pants and a dark polo shirt slightly stretched by his tall, muscular stature. He was quite handsome; with strong features and dark hair. As Y/N made eye contact with him, he startled slightly; his blue eyes widening and his lips pouting in confusion.

“You’re not Steve.”

Y/N chuckled as she rose from the window seat, “No I’m not.”

From his demeanor and dress, she knew he wasn’t someone employed at the estate, and figured quickly that he was one of the boy guests.

“Hm,” He muttered, his hand still placed on the doorknob. He chuckled as he peeked further into the doorway. “I think I’m in the wrong room.”

“You think?” she teased.

He laughed awkwardly as he rubbed his hand along the back of his neck. “Yeah.. I hate to admit it but I’m still getting lost in this place.”

He entered the room and walked towards her, “I’m sorry, I’m being rude. I’m Bucky.”

“I’m Y/N, Rebecca’s friend.” She said as she reached out her hand.

His smile was friendly as her palm fit against his “I figured, how are you liking the place so far?”

Y/N sighed as she admired the room again, “it’s incredible.”

“Yeah?” He beamed at her contentment.

She nodded vigorously, “Yeah. This place is beautiful. Rebecca didn’t tell me anything about this place; it was all secret.”

Bucky chuckled, “Yeah, she has a flair for the dramatic.”

“Have you known her long?” Y/N asked.

Bucky’s brows pinch in confusion, “Yeah, her whole life…”

“Really? I didn’t realize how close she was with James’s friends.” She admitted.

Bucky started to speak but instead he just smiled cheekily. “Yeah, I’d say we’re all pretty close.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize.” She stated. “You’re looking for Steve, right? James’s friend?”

Bucky bit his lip as he nodded, a hint of a laugh in his voice as he spoke. “Um, yeah I am. Which reminds me; I’m still haven’t found him.”

“Oh, right.” Y/N nodded.

The longer Y/N looked at him, she realized how incredibly handsome he was. Sharp jawline, pouty lips, big blue eyes, incredibly fit... if you weren’t careful, you could get lost in a man like that.

“You want some company?” She asked shyly.

Bucky smirked as he gave the girl a quick once-over, “If you’re ‘company’, of course.”

Y/N felt herself blush, stealing a glance at the floor as she lost the words to respond.

If all the boys are like this, then I’m definitely screwed.

Bucky held open the door for her, and tried to exit without making her flustered state noticeable, but couldn’t hide from Bucky’s eye.

“I’ll be honest,” He started as he closed her door behind him, “We weren’t expecting you guys so soon.”

“Rebecca said the same thing actually, something about you guys showing up on Sunday?”

He shook his head at her statement, “No she said we should come up on Sunday; we just assumed that meant she wanted to meet up that day.”

“I guess they both wanted to beat the other to the punch, huh?”

Bucky puckered his lips to stifle a laugh, “Yeah I guess they did.”

Bucky took a moment to really look at the girl. Rebecca had shown him pictures before, but they did not do her justice. She was gorgeous in person, and that voice… he could listen to her talk all day if she’d let him.

“Have you met him before?”

“Who, James?”

Bucky nodded as he led her around the top landing, and started down the stairs. “Yeah.”

“No, but I’ve heard lots about him.”

“Yeah? Like what?” He asked. Bucky stopped and leaned back against the railing, shoving his hands in his pockets as he patiently waited for her answer.

Y/N turned on the stairs and placed a foot on the next step, balancing herself as she met his curious eyes. “Charmer, funny, a big softie once you get to know him… that sort of thing.”

“Seems like a dreamboat…”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “The way she paints him, yeah…”

Bucky tilted his head to the side as his tongue darted to lick his bottom lip. “You believe her?”

Y/N shrugged as she turned away from him.

“I think so. But she might be exaggerating,” she called over her shoulder, “She’s trying to get me to fuck him.”

She heard Bucky’s laughter echo through the foyer, the sound of his footsteps following short after.

“Wow, haven’t even met and she’s already planning the wedding?”

Y/N smiled as she nodded, turning to face him as he landed at the bottom of the stairs.

“You gonna do it?” He asked teasingly.

Y/N bit her lip as she thought, “Not sure yet. Guess I’ll have to meet him first.”

Bucky nodded as his gaze found the floor, hiding the look of excitement and mischief he’d attempted to keep a handle on. But he couldn’t help it; the girl was clueless, she made it too easy.

“I guess you will.”

~

Part 3

OmG wHaT iS BuCkY HidInG o_O

Jk y’all hoes know. We ready for Part 3? We’re getting to the steamy stuff soon ;)

[aestheticaxolotl]

Let’s Talk About Neal The Eel

Lets talk about Rat-Daddy, I mean Neal the Eel

Let me start with Neal, using the Carmen Sandiego Wiki to break him down as a whole, starting with appearance and personality (Excluding the comments around his action in the show). I am biased here, Neal is my favorite character in the god damned show. I will stand by this rat till I die.

I may or may not go into ship fodder but that may just have to be a thing for another day.

Neal is a tall man with a thin lanky frame and greasy black hair. He has buck teeth with a slight gap between, usually resting over his bottom lip. His skin is very pale, almost grey, and he has purple bags under his eyes.

All I have to say is this boy is tired, probably anemic, I have reason to believe that Neal the Eel is both anemic and hypermobile ( a heritable connective tissue disorder that affects the joints and ligaments in a person's body. It comes in different degrees of severity, the least being similar to double-jointedness). There is no age stated but I am willing to bet he’s around 30-35, due to his aged face lines and his Faculty audition (NGL I would have loved to see him as Faculty). Not gonna lie, the buck teeth is why I’ve been lovingly calling him a rat. I’ve seen many buck teeth in my day but this is the first time I ever really loved it. I think the greasy detail is just due to the slippery aesthetic. But I can appreciate that.

For personality we do not have a lot to go on, but what we do have is VERY revealing about the depths and flaws of his character.

Neal is described as "conniving and loyal to a fault" by Doctor Bellum. During fights, he has an affinity for making puns and teasing his opponent. Despite his goofy nature, he is a competent operative, having been able to outplay both Shadowsan and Carmen in combat— additionally having been considered a potential faculty member by Bellum. He is later revealed in the fourth season to be extremely laidback and easygoing, since he did not care about getting his mind wiped, getting fish dumped on him, or defecting from V.I.L.E.

As you all know by now, (Unless you are new), I marked the most important details in the bold font. As we do not have much to work with, a lot of details are bolded, I really hope what I put out is up to standard!

Neal is described as "conniving and loyal to a fault”

Now, I’m taking into account that he has a reason to be ‘loyal to a fault’. If you have read my headcanon you will know that I strongly think Neal came from a circus or some form of freak show, we know how flexible this man is and there is no way that it just happened. I imagine that the loyal to a fault is to Dr. Bellum, who wanted him on faculty. But WHY? I’ll touch on that soon. We do see that the man is loyal and is very clever during points in the show. So perhaps there is some connection to Bellum that we as an audience have not yet seen, through technology or something. He seems to enjoy technology, but not on the same level that Bellum does, this really stumps me and I would LOVE to hear what y’all have to say about it!

He has an affinity for making puns and teasing his opponent

Need I remind you all that Neal the eel is a HUG GOOF BALL?!? *Goes to laugh in the corner for a second* Okay, now, he makes a lot of jokes and has fun with his job and I can really respect that. I have not seen a character that has as much FUN at work as Neal does. That’s why he is so fun to watch on the screen, he’s having fun the way that our others are not. He’s poking fun at Carmen and Shadowsan, HE ASKS IF SHADOWSAN JOINS THE SOVIOT UNION. I Mean that was amazing. All his puns are centered around him being slick, and there is a LOT that one can do with that. I also noticed that Neal nicknames the people he is working with, I can only really see him calling Lady Dokuso “Slippy Micky”  as being playful banter, that she seems to ENJOY by calling him “ unagi”, which translates to eel. And I love that a character like Neal comes across as enjoyable and annoying at the same time, do I even need to mention that Mimebomb seems to absolutely HATE Neal? He’s slimy and annoying and tells bad puns. It’s amazing that dynamics that one character can have that spices up other characters too!

He is a competent operative, having been able to outplay both Shadowsan and Carmen in combat

Now. This detail does go back to the teasing of the opponent area of this character essay. Neal is able to outplay Carmen and Shadowsan in combat, that shows some major skill, seeing as Shadowsan is older and more experienced while Carmen might be both faster and dare I say stronger. I feel that the level of skill between Shadowsan and Carmen should have made him easy to take down, where as I state, people underestimate Neal and that is why he gets the best of them. If you have seen my previous two posts, you will notice I do not use the intro cards for the character, I look for images that really give a sence to the character. Take a look at the image used for Neal. This mother trucker had a BMI of 2- MAYBE. It would be easy to underestimate him in real life or in show. This allows him to be the competent operative he is, he KNOWS he is underestimated and uses that as a tactical advantage. 

Additionally having been considered a potential faculty member by Bellum.

I mentioned that I have no idea why Bellum would want Neal on the Faculty, and even here when I had time to think about it, I still do not! the only think I can think of is that Bellum must OWE him for something. Not he owes her, but SHE owe HIM something. Perhaps Neal stole something for Bellum that put him in great danger, like a computer system or something of great technological advance that put V.I.L.E So far forward in the technology stance that Bellum could not forget and had to repay. But then I look at the whole Brainwipe thing and wonder why she couldn’t repay him by letting him live free?  And that’s why Neal’s loyalty is such a hard thing to pin point.  SO I put forth that Neal is just skilled That’s it. It’s a little lame, but then I look that I say he is underestimated and think... That’s why they want him. His underestimation is the thing that got him on. They think that they can control him, and he would have shown them, No, they couldn’t.

Extremely laidback and easygoing

Come on, just when I think he can’t get any better. (Insert oh no he’s hot meme) or (Insert hes meeting all of my standards meme). Neal is laid back, relaxed, easy going, and all those other words for chill. I noticed that when he loses he’s not like “AUGGH NOO MY FUTURE IS RUINED” he’s more like “Damn that was a good game, I’ll get you next time.” He’s got good sportsmen ship and I love that. I’ll touch more in the next section too about how being too chill can be a problem. Neal being easygoing also make sense seeing how well he can work with other, I’ll gesture to the partnership with Lady Dokuso where he worked VERY well with her and then the teaming up with Mimebomb who absolutely hated every second of it. 

He did not care about getting his mind wiped

Not going to lie, but I screamed when I saw that Bellum was going to wipe Neal’s brain. First thought was ‘OH NO’. Second was “WAit I thought she liked him’, and third was... “Wait... He’s just... Fine with this?’. Neal is TOO chill. I feel like a person should care that their brain is getting wiped, maybe just a little bit? And then I stopped, thought about what I knee of him, and laughed. Like, if he was really worried about getting he mind wiped he would have yeeted out of there a long time ago. He know that Bellum and the Faculty will show mercy to him, give him a second chance. And when that second chance was given to him? He tried and then escaped. Never to be seen again, never heard from again, never even thought of again. I imagine he did care and placed a lot of faith into what he knew of the faculty. And yes, Imagination is the basis of this here, because as previously stated, he is a competent operative and knows what he is doing, he didn’t just allow himself to be walked all over.

Neal is a master of infiltration and specializes in slipping into small spaces. His slick body suit, lanky frame, and skills as an acrobatic-contortionist make him a difficult man to capture and hold.

This is all that is given for the abilities of Neal, its not a lot to work with but I manages to strangle some thing out of it. Neal being a master of infiltration strikes me as very direct, along with the added specialty of slipping into small spaces. I figure the directness is so that the show and tell aspect of the show is less surprising. Along with the slick suit, lengthy frame and obvious gesture to  acrobatic-contortionist skills gives me the impression of an escape artist. I figure from this that Neal was often used for the stealth and fast missions. 

While Neal the Eel doesn’t have as much to offer Wiki wise, I am so happy with what I was able to offer up to you. Neal is an amazing character, even if I set aside my bias towards him, and an even better study. 

Not just as a funny, skinny guy who looks like a rat, but as a deeper character with masks and guards that not even his closest allies could even guess at. A usual, I hope you enjoyed and I will have another one of these out fairly soon. Still doing requests!

Thanks for Reading!

[allycryz]

FFXIV 9-24: Illustrious

Post 5.0, Thancred x WoL, Thancred x OC Rated Gish

760ish words, present tense

--

“What’s a lady like you doing alone in a place like this?”

The Elezen woman draped over Thancred stares at her, eyes going wider and wider. The same expression Nerys has seen all evening.

“A lady like me?” Nerys smiles at her love, gesturing towards herself. “Whatever do you mean, sir?”

“Nerys Eluned,” the woman breathes in amazed tones, already reaching out two hands. She stops short of scooping up Nerys’, her teak complexion flushing with embarrassment. “Oh Twelve, I’m sorry. You don’t know me and here I am-”

“It’s alright,” Nerys told her. “What’s your name?”

“Delphinie Allaire-I can’t tell you how excited I am.” The woman turns to Thancred. “You know the Warrior of Light?”

“Oh we’re very intimate.” Thancred’s eyes shine with laughter. She sees the plans forming behind his eyes, to make the most of this for the three of them. And how he doesn't anticipate Delphinie beckoning over three of her friends: a broad-shouldered Roe with ebony curls to her waist and umber skin; a short-haired Miqo’te with a glowing tan and even more glowing smile; and a tall balding Hyur with his carbuncle trailing behind.

“You must be so busy but…” Delphinie says, smiling wide. “But we’re adventurers too and we just wanted to thank you for everything. For Eorzea, for guild members...it means a lot.”

“I’m glad I could help.” Nerys leans forward. “Truly I’m not so busy.”

“Then I think one of us should buy Mistress Eluned a drink,” Thancred prompts.

The next bell is spent answering questions, telling stories, giving advice. It goes better than the previous bell in this tavern—none of them rush off at once or seem disconcerted by her open flirting. But neither does any of her usual methods net any interest from these four.

They all leave, shaking her hand, wishing her well, Delphinie whispering into Thancred’s ear before she follows her friends to their table. Her big dark eyes are full of promise and Nerys is glad that one of them is having a fruitful night.

“Go on,” she tells him. “Don’t make her wait too long.”

“...Well. At least...” Thancred offers. “It’s better than when the admirers who wanted you turned out to be...problematic.”

“That’s a word for it.” It’s one of the reasons she used to feel so uncomfortable with her notoriety. Too many who treated her like she was made of glass or like she was their destiny even when she made it clear she only wanted one night. Kind adventurers oblivious of or ignoring her advances is better. “It could be me. I am very much out of practice.”

“You were charming and sexy as ever.” He takes her hand and kisses the back of it.

“You could be biased.”

“I am definitely biased but I have an eye for these things. Would you like to join us?”

She shakes her head. “Delphinie is clearly interested in you and I’m not going to ruin her plans. You should go and enjoy yourself, tell her I said it was lovely to meet all of them.”

“If you’re sure…”

“I’m sure.” It’s nice to see Thancred relaxed and flirting, enjoying himself. And it’s not Delphinie’s fault that Nerys is having poor luck tonight. “Good luck.”

“And you as well.” He kisses her lightly, a hand on her cheek. And Nerys cannot help but deepen it a little, knowing it may be the only such contact she gets tonight. Not with them both in Ul’dah and their loves elsewhere. “If you need anything, just call.”

Thancred walks away with a grin and she cannot help but smile a little. And give a wink to Delphinie who watches Thancred with the same appreciation.

--

“Is anyone sitting here?”

Two nights later, Nerys looks up from her drink and the familiar table of the Seventh Heaven. Thancred stands before her, his own beverage in hand. “I think you are.”

“Why thank you.” He sets his drink down and holds out his hand. “I’m Thancred, by the way.”

Nerys takes his hand and his solid grip suffuses her with warmth. At her raised eyebrow he only raises his back. “I’m Nerys.”

“Nerys...that’s the first I’ve heard that name, it’s gorgeous.” He sits next to her. “I’d love to hear where it came from, and maybe buy your next drink?”

“Thancred,” she laughs. “What are you doing?”

“I’m not sure what you mean. Only that I saw a pretty lady who might desire company...and maybe something more.”

“...She just might.” Nerys says, pushing her glass towards him. “If you buy her another hard cider with cinnamon whiskey.”

“That,” he says, “can be arranged.”

[daddyjackfrost]

The Gods— small drabbles pt 2

‘A girl walked beside Aphrodite. Normally, this would be disrespectful, but Aphrodite respected the girl enough to allow her to walk beside her.

Both women reached the end of the garden, and sat on the bench that was made of gold and ivory vines.

Aphrodite looked at peace, and beautiful. To the girl, Aphrodite looked a lot like her mother, and best friend. The two most beautiful women in her life. It was unnerving to sit beside the Goddess, for Aphrodite was cunning and hard to read.

Out of all the Olympians, Aphrodite was the one that scared her the most. Even after years though, the girl could not fully comprehend the Gods and their relationships with each other.

The girl cleared her throat, “May I ask you something?”

Aphrodite hummed in answer.

“You are the Goddess of love, beauty, and passion.”

Aphrodite slightly turned to face the girl. “Correct.”

“I mean no disrespect, when I say and ask this.” Aphrodite nodded and the girl continued. “You of all people understand that love is more than beauty,” Aphrodite narrowed her eyes at the girl, but the girl did not see. She was too busy playing with her fingers.

“You are married to Hephaestus, yet, even after millenniums, you could not love him. Why? As the Goddess of love, was his love not enough?”

Aphrodite did not speak, not immediately. She was too stunned.

The girl had befriended Hephaestus years ago. The God lacked love and attention and the girl knew she had to help him. Every time the God told her stories about the mistreatment he received, her anger grew.

“Yes, Hephaestus may be unattractive by godly standards, yet he is beautiful in his own way. His metal work, have you seen it? It is truly stunning. Have you ever seen him in action? He truly is a God. My question for you, Aphrodite, is, if the Goddess of Love cannot find live in the deformed, how can others?”

There was only stillness in the garden.

The girl had promised herself that she would question the Gods. Humble them. She wanted to know the truth about their world and she would get it. She knew the Gods had been playing her, and lying about it. Now it was her turn, and she would turn the world into her own damned chess board. She had started with Aphrodite because the question had been bugging her for a long time. The Goddess of love, participating in adultery? The irony seemed unmatched.

Aphrodite stared at the fountain. The words had cut her deep. No one had dared ever questioned the Gods, much less their relationships and actions so openly.

“I cannot confine my love to just one other.”

The girl wanted to snicker. Of course, she thought. She had expected this answer.

Though the Gardens of Olympus were safe and private, any God with access to Olympus had access to the gardens. Hestia stood at the entrance of the garden. Far enough from sight, but was still able to hear the conversation.

Meanwhile, Hephaestus watched from his own palace on Olympus. Usually he would have resided in Mountain Aetna’s volcano, but he felt as if he needed to be on Olympus. He was correct. For he too, listened to the conversation of the two women.

“That is not entirely true, is it Aphrodite?”

Aphrodite fully turned to face the girl. The girls words began to flare something in the Goddess.

“Speak your mind child, I am listening.”

“You personify a very specific kind of love, passion. What feels right and looks good.”

Aphrodite frowned. “What do you mean?”

She continued, “I think it is simply against your nature to be faithful to anyone, except to passion and ultimately, yourself.”

Aphrodite let out an unflattering snarl. “Are you telling me my own nature?”

The girl shivered, yet kept her composure. She would not fold because the Goddess had regarded her in a cold voice. She needed to understand the Gods, and to do that, she had to compare her best guess at their nature against their own.

“No, I am not. I am simply saying what I have come to realize. True it may not be, but truth lies within it.”

The Goddess stared at the girl. Though the urge to put a curse on the girl was strong, her words had ripped a small part of Aphrodite’s thick skin.

“You do not cheat on yourself, though. You always give yourself what you want, and as a result, Hephaestus gets left behind. But love hurts, does it not? You are not faithful to your lovers, just as they are not faithful to you.”

The girl stood up and stretched her arms. Aphrodite watched her with alarmed eyes and a small frown.

She turned and smiled at the Goddess, “Good day, my lady.” Aphrodite’s eyes widened and she reached out to grab her arm. “Where are you going?”

The girl shrugged. “My apologies. To question you would be to question all the Gods, correct? After all, neither of the Gods have truly been faithful to one, have they? Except Hades and Persephone I believe. But I may be biased.”

The girl removed her arm from the Goddess and turned to walk away, a smirk on her lips. Before she could get far she whispered, “After all, a healthy marriage is unheard of on Olympus.”

She walked away from the Goddess, leaving her stunned. A permanent smile made its way to the girl’s face. The Gods had been playing with her, so now she would play with them. She would tug at their insecurities, their flaws, and she would exploit them. She will unravel the peace between them, the peace they all fought so hard to maintain. She would play the role of a titan, and corrupt Olympus.

From the pools of mercury in Hephaestus’s palace, the God himself watched. A haggard laugh left Hephaestus’s lips. He had never seen someone baffle Aphrodite the way the girl had.

Her words warmed yet struck Hephaestus’s heart. He knew the woman cared for him, he had never had that before.

He only felt immense guilt after she defended him, she spoke of him with pride and love, and the knowledge of his betrayal only weighed him down.

As the girl walked, Hestia watched her. Her eyes were narrowed and calculating, though the sides of her lips had been turned up. She knew exactly what the girl had planned to do, and she was amused.

The girl made eye contact with the Goddess and smiled innocently. “Hestia, I am sorry, I did not see you there.”

Hestia gave the girl a guarded and knowing smile.

“What are you up to, girl?”

The girl smiled innocently, eyes twinkling. “I haven’t the slightest idea of what you speak of, my lady.”

Hestia took three steps forward, and leaned her head towards the girl. Their noses touched and a small warmth spread across Eleanor’s face.

“Be very careful whom you play with, child. One does not simply play with fire and not burn,” Hestia whispered the words tauntingly.

The girl smiled and nodded. “I know. I plan to play with fire, and if I burn, so will they.” She tipped her head slightly in respect and walked away. Hestia was one of the only Goddesses the girl truly respected.’

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- a small drabble from a book i have yet to write

daddyjackfrost © 2021 | all content belongs to me, do not modify

Taglist; @h-grangerstudies @demigod-groupchat

[plethora-of-imagines]

Festive Ball

AN: Another Christmassy/Winter themed fic! This one is actually pretty long but it isn’t very Master heavy, content wise.

Word Count: 1802

Warnings: unintentional alcohol consumption

Description: You get a bit drunk while at a festive party with the Master.

Tag List: @c-s-stars @queerconfusionthings @how-masterful @truthbehindthemysteries

“A drink for the honorable Lady?”

The room was filled with people, aliens of several species. Some you could name, others you could not. If the Master was still by your side you were sure he would be explaining the ones that it would be important for you to know about. At the moment, however, the Master was on the other side of the room, chatting up some random alien who he had said was third in line for an important throne on Velsavar. They may be third in line but they would be ruler in just 3 months. A coup killing their “bastard father” and their heir siblings. Of course, the Master intended to take advantage of that.

You tore your gaze away from the Master on the other side of the room to look at your host. He had graciously offered the Master and you a place to stay during the festivities. Neither of you were certain of his motives, but he seemed to find the Master an interesting conversation partner. The two of you were somewhat hesitant to place any trust in him but he seemed -biased on his reputation- to be uninterested in causing problems for the two of you. He was far more interested in impressing his guests at his soirees with dazzling decor, and even more impressive guest lists. 

He had referred to the two of you as most honored guests when he had discovered who you were. The formidable Master and his lady love, the most feared criminal couple in the universe. He had extended an invitation for the two of you to attend his annual holiday party and provided a room for the two of you to spend the night in if you so chose to. The Master had hesitated to agree, but the opportunity had been too tempting for him to resist.

The Master had been even more hesitant to reveal anything about you to your host, fearing what he could do with the information. But after several attempts by your host to offer you food and drink that wasn’t safe for human consumption the Master had given in. Revealing to the man that you were human, and due to that fact, oh so fragile compared to the normal guests he hosted. He had taken it in stride, immediately apologizing and ensuring that anything he offered you after that point was safe for your human sensibilities.

You took the offered drink from his hand with a soft-spoken, “thank you, my Lord,” you refused to offend your host by not at least accepting the foreign drink. You weren’t required to take more than a sip if it ended up being too strong for you. You had only enough trust in your host to trust that it was not poisoned.

The taste of cinnamon, winterberries, and clover coated your tongue. The drink seemed to be non-alcoholic. No hint of the chemical taste that most alien alcohols consisted of. Still, you would be cautious and keep your consumption of anything not approved by the Master to one glass.

“It seems- unusual- of the Master to leave your side in a situation such as this. He is known for being incessantly possessive of you. Yet here you are, no so-called madman by your side at a party with hundreds of no longer sober men who would be eager to get their hands on a dream such as yourself.”

You flashed him a dangerous smile, “are you one of the men eager to get their hands on me.”

“I know very well that to touch you with poor intentions would be to invite my own death.”

He seemed to be amused by your answer as if he considered your unspoken threat to be humorous. At the very least you could admit that it lacked bite with the Master on the other side of the room. Surprisingly, you weren’t insulted by his humor at your potential helplessness. It seemed to come from a position of understanding that it was likely that some poor soul would fail to recognize that the man who’s arm you had entered on was a universally known killer.

You took another sip to avoid having to play polite and apologize to your host. The Master was shaking hands with the man across the room now. You only hoped that this was a sign that he would be returning to your side soon. You missed his warm presence, his quiet whispered explanations of all the wonders and annoyances of the universe.

Your view of the Master was blocked by a rowdy group of men who rushed past, almost knocking you over. Your host caught you in a low dip, hand dangerously close to the bare skin of your leg exposed by the long slit in the green velvet of your dress. The slit having risen to expose even more of your thigh as you kept your arm outstretched. Trying to keep from splashing your drink all over yourself. Slowly his hands wandered up your person, gently pulling you up away from the floor.

Guests nearby hollered obscenely at the sight.

“My apologies, I meant no unwelcome touches on your person.”

“That’s alright. I suspect that the tumble I would have taken would have been a worse fate than my currently flustered face.”

You took another sip to help hide your embarrassment at having been caught so off guard due to your fascination with the Master. Your face felt very warm. Too warm. You were starting to suspect that the drink in your glass that you had managed to save was in fact alcoholic. You assumed that it wasn’t too alcoholic, hopefully just enough to get you buzzed. To help you relax from your social awkwardness without the Master by your side to guide you in unfamiliar rituals and customs.

The surroundings began to fade and blur around you. Unsure if it was due to embarrassment or the daze of tipsiness fast approaching you made the -possible- mistake of finishing the rest of your drink.

You startled as hands wrapped themselves around your waist, as your host hurriedly excused himself from your side. The glass being pulled from your grip and placed on the tray of a passing server.

“Now what were you drinking, my darling one. Did you even know?”

You relaxed as you realized that it was the Master who had you in his grasp. Blinking you tried to think back to if you had recognized him approaching. How had he snuck up on you to the point of making you jump? You decided that you didn’t care. He was here now.

You smiled as you fell back into the Master, becoming almost dead weight against him. He held your weight with ease. You giggled, pleasantly tipsy and gleeful. Who knows what you had been talking to your host about before he left you in the Master’s care. Honestly, you had probably blacked out for a majority of the conversation since you couldn’t remember it at all. Hopefully, you hadn’t insulted him. The Master needed him, in a way, for his newest scheme to work. And if you had insulted him then it would have made you taking the risk to trust the drink he gave you pointless. It had been done solely not to insult your host!

“I’m not sure, but it tasted really good Master!”

It took a lot of effort but you managed to raise your hand to gently tap the side of the Master’s face, or well to try and tap his face. You only managed to reach his shoulder, settling for tapping against the soft velvety poofy shoulder of his shirt. It was somewhat strange that he still wore velvet like the body had when he stole it. 

The Master had explained that this stolen body of his was still adjusting to the changes his mind forced upon it. Changes to make it into something suitable for a Time Lord. As such, he tended to get cold now. You saw it as a small blessing that gave you an excuse for more cuddles. You had missed cuddles when he had avoided you while dealing with being in a decayed body hanging onto life. Not that you would have cuddled him even if he wasn’t so against it. You were too afraid that you would hurt him to try and facilitate any physical contact after he had hissed in pain the one time you tried to hold his hand to comfort him. But that wasn’t something you had to worry about anymore! Now you could cuddle him to your heart’s content.

“Why didn’t we try to find this dress in black so that I could match you, Master? Then everyone would know that I am yours. I would have really liked looking like I matched you...”

“The green dress looks breathtaking on you, and it is far more festive. You insisted that you wanted to be at least a little bit festive.”

“But I could have matched you,” you whined like a child.

Slowly the Master guided you to begin walking towards the edges of the room. Were you leaving? If you were that meant that all of the Master’s attention could be on you. No one would be able to distract him away from your side again.

“I love you, Master. You do know that, right? Right?”

Looking down at you as you stumbled, even with his hands guiding you, he seemed to be pointedly ignoring your declaration. You pouted, he didn’t believe you! He sighed as you crossed your arms and started to dig your heels into the floor, he seemed disappointed. You refused to move until he acknowledged you again.

“Let’s get you back to the guest room our host had provided us for the night.”

You let him guide you after hearing his tone. You shrunk into yourself. 

“I’m sorry, Master,” you despondently stated.

“Whatever are you sorry for?” He sounded genuinely confused.

Crying out, “I failed you,” all you wanted to do now was run away and hide yourself underneath the covers but you didn’t know where your room was.

"You've done nothing of the sort, my dear girl. It is our host that I am disappointed in- for providing you with something that does not suit your biology, your human metabolism. He should have known better."

He whipped tears from the corners of your eyes. Pulling you in close against his side once they were gone, leading you the rest of the way to the room by his side.

“Tomorrow morning our host is going to suffer just as much as he has made you suffer with the headache I am certain you are going to have in the morning. Consider that a promise, darling."

[jalapeno-princess]

Second Chances

CEO Mark Tuan X Chef Reader

Word Count: 18.5K (Damn this is the longest imagine I’ve ever written I didn’t even realize how long it was)

Genre: Ex’s to Lovers, angst, fluff

Summary: There were no words to describe the love you and Mark had for one another. You were an aspiring chef and after graduating high school and going straight in to culinary school, everything seemed to be falling in to place for you. You were pursuing your dream career with the love of your life by your side. You felt as if life was going perfectly for you. That was until one night, something happens at a dinner party where he finds himself having to choose between you and his family and by choosing his family, he lost you. Years later, after starting up your own restaurant and becoming an extremely successful and renowned chef, your first catering client just so happens to be your ex-boyfriend and his soon to be wife.

A/n: Hey guys! A bitch is back and dying here in this quarantine. I hope you are all doing well. I AM SO FUCKING SHOOK OVER THEIR COME BACK LET ME TELL YOU I AM NOT BEING BIASED BUT THIS IS MY BABY MARK’S COMEBACK UGH DO NOT GET ME STARTED THAT MAN IS OTHERWORLDLY AND WE DON’T DESERVE HIM. Anyways, this imagine is based on the song “Once upon a dream” by Lana Del Rey and I don’t know why but lately, all her songs have been reminding me of Mark (I literally wrote at least 10 Mark imagines based on her songs ugh I can’t get over her last album and how almost every single song makes me think of Mark) I’m #sorrynotsorry this is so long but I hope you all enjoy! This is honestly the reason why I’m failing in my marine science class BUT WHATEVER (BTW, if you’re a JB stan, I suggest you stay away. Don’t say I didn’t warn you)

I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem But if I know you, I know what you'll do You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream

“Hey boss, there’s a lady on the line. She’s wondering if we can cater to her wedding.” You smiled politely at your sous chef as he popped his head in to your office and silently thanked him before picking up the phone. 

“Thank you for calling Sunrise Restaurant, this is y/n. How may I help you today?” 

A soft and gentle voice quickly answered. “Hello. I’m a big fan of you and your cooking. I’ve been to your restaurant many times and I think your food would be perfect to serve to the guests at my wedding. Do you guys cater?”

You took a second to think about it. You owned a decent sized restaurant, but the amount of chefs you had were enough to cook for your customers. There were three sous chefs, two prep cooks and one line cook. No one has ever asked you to cater for an event before, so you didn’t think you and your team, no matter how talented and hard working they all were, were capable of taking on such a task. However, the thought of it did excite you. If things were to be a success and the guests of her wedding were to appreciate your food the way the lady on the phone seemed to, your restaurant would become even more successful this bringing in so much more customers. Without a second thought, you found yourself agreeing. 

“When is the wedding and approximately how many people are you planning on inviting?” The line went silent for a few seconds before she spoke up again. 

“It’s in August and I’m expecting at least 150 people. Is that okay?” You hummed in agreement while writing it down. Once you were finished with the call, you’d have to alert your team beforehand even if her wedding wasn’t for another five months. 

“Would you mind coming in sometime this week so we could talk about the menu?” Although you couldn’t see her, the way her pitch increased made it known that she probably had a huge grin on her face. 

“Of course! I’ll call you again to set up an appointment with you. You don’t know how much this means to me! Thank you so much! Have a wonderful day.”

As soon as you hung up, you released a long sigh. Sure, you were always up for a challenge, but you should’ve consulted with your fellow chefs before signing them up to something they may not want to be apart of. However, you were very confident in your team, you’ve been working with them for over three years. If anything, you considered them to be family rather than just mere employees. 

After taking a few moments to relax, you made your way towards the kitchen where they were all preparing their sections for dinner service. 

“Hey guys, I need to talk to you.” The smiles that were all on their faces as they chased each other around the kitchen soon were replaced with blank and worried expressions. 

“It’s nothing bad. Well, that’s my opinion. I don’t know how you all will feel about it and I should have talked to you before accepting the offer, but I agreed in catering to a wedding. I’m sorry if you guys don’t want to do that but—“ you let out a soft giggle when you saw all of them releasing breaths of relief. 

Two of your sous chefs Yugyeom and Jinyoung made their way toward you and tightly sandwiched you in between the two of them. Since both guys were quite taller and more broad than your petite frame, you were practically suffocating from their embrace and began playfully punching on their chests. 

“How is it that the tiniest one of us is the one who tells us what to do? You’re so cute y/n. Shit, you scared us. I thought the restaurant was closing or something.” 

You glared at the lanky boy and shoved him towards his section. “Hey! My restaurant is pretty amazing if I do say so myself. There’s no way I’d let this place shut down. I’ve worked too hard to open it up just to let it close.” 

Soon you felt another presence behind you and arms were wrapped around your waist as he placed his chin on your shoulder. “You better watch what you say Yugyeom. She might be tiny, but she’s feisty and at the end of the day, she cuts your checks.” You absentmindedly leaned back in to Jaebum’s chest but quickly came to your senses and remembered who you were currently surrounded by. “We’re perfectly capable of handling a wedding y/n. Don’t you trust us? If we can feed at least 600 people from the time we open to the time we close everyday I’m sure we can handle a wedding. We’ll be fine. You’re an amazing chef and a wonderful restaurant owner. The client chose you for a reason. There’s nothing to worry about.” You smiled softly at the older boy while he playfully pinched your cheek, earning the two of you groans from the others. 

“Stop trying to butter up the head chef Jaebum. Just because the two of you have a little thing for each other—OW. I can’t cook if my arm is in pain. Control your woman Jaebum!” Your eyes widened in shock at BamBam’s sudden revelation and right as you were about to chase after him, Jaebum softly tightened his grip around your waist. 

“Don’t waste your time on him. We have customers to tend to chef. Come on, the sooner we finish, the sooner you and I can go out to dinner.” 

What you and Jaebum has was hard to describe. Out of the six guys, Jaebum was the first one you met three years ago in culinary school. He was always to himself and your classmates labeled him to be mysterious. There was one time the two of you were paired up for an assignment and it was in those few weeks of working alongside each other that you learned of how kind and extremely soft he was. To most people, he was intimidating and he hardly had any friends in your major because of it; but he liked it that way. That was until he made a friend in you and from that day on, the two of you were attached to the hip. 

He was the first person you reached out to when you began planning on opening up a restaurant and he was quick to agree to be one of your chefs. Although you’ve known him for quite some time now, the two of you only recently started developing feelings for each other a little over three months ago but even then, it never escalated in to more than just some flirtatious banter, lingering touches and stolen glances between you two. However, even if you wanted to consider Jaebum to be something more, your heart would never let you. 

As much as you kept trying to tell yourself it was because you didn’t want to lose your friendship with him if things were to go south between the both of you, you knew there was more to it. 

The night went off without a hitch as it did every night and once it was over, Jackson offered to treat everyone out to dinner as a way to celebrate your restaurant’s first catering opportunity. However, you were too tired and couldn’t wait to go to bed. This earned you multiple frowns and boos from the rest of the crew but Jaebum was quick to silence them with a scowl. 

“She’s had a long day. It’s understandable. You guys have fun, I’ll take her home-“ This brought even more boos but also a couple of winks and eyebrow raises from the two youngest chefs. 

“Just say you want to have y/n all to yourself. We all know neither of you are going to get any sleep tonight if you go home together—that’s it! The next time we wash uniforms I’m purposely putting a red sock in your pile you asshole. Good night y/n. Get some rest and we’ll see you again tomorrow.” 

You said your goodbyes to the guys while Jaebum reached for your things and led you to his car. “Congrats again y/n. This’ll be great publicity for the restaurant if things go well with the wedding.” You felt warmth rise to your cheeks as he opened the passenger door for you. Whenever any one of the other chefs would compliment you, you’d simply smile and thank them; but whenever Jaebum said something nice about you, you always found yourself blushing. 

Something about the way he’d look at you as if you were the only girl in the world would send butterflies to your tummy. However, he had yet to take things further between you both and you felt as if he was hesitant for the same reasons you were. But you liked how things were going with you and Jaebum, and your restaurant  was your main focus as of right now. A relationship wasn’t in your plans at the moment, especially because of how your last one ended.

“But what if it all goes to shit Jaebum? What if I mess up? What if the guests don’t like our food? What if we forget something once we get there and what if—“ he brought his finger up to your lips in attempts to prevent you from continuing saying such negative things about yourself. Jaebum thought the world of you and hated that you never saw yourself the way he saw you. 

From the first day he met you in college, he knew you were someone special. He saw how dedicated you were when it came to your craft and perfecting your dishes. He always looked up to you and could only dream of being even half of an amazing chef as you were. When you first called Jaebum to tell him you were opening your own restaurant and asked him to be one of your sous chefs, he wasn’t surprised to hear that you were opening your own restaurant. It was a dream of yours ever since you were a little girl. Jaebum was completely aware of how many extra hours you picked up at your job on top of being a full time student just to save up for a restaurant. Seeing as how you did it in less than a year after graduating was pretty impressive and he knew you had it in you. 

“Will you stop that? Stop thinking so negative about yourself y/n. You’re one of the best chefs in the state. They didn’t write about you in the newspaper for no reason. It’s obvious you have a gift y/n. That lady chose our restaurant out of the hundreds of other restaurants who are known for catering and you wanna know why? Because our food is spectacular. Our recipes, our menu. It’s unique, it’s different. Our staff is entertaining, you’ve decorated the place really nicely and guess what? The owner and head chef is an extraordinary person. You are a marvel y/n. Now stop worrying that pretty little head of yours and go get some rest. We have a long week ahead of us. I’ll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams.”

The rest of the week went by far too quickly and finally, it was the day the soon to be newlyweds were coming in to meet with you about their wedding day. The bride Erica, whose name you learned when she set up a meeting with you two days after your first call, called you just a few minutes before her scheduled time to let you know she was running late but that her fiancé was almost there and that it was fine if the two of you started without her. 

You were in your office filing some paperwork when Youngjae came in and let you know that Erica’s fiancé was there. When you walked in to the dining area and saw who he was referring to, your heart sank to your chest. It was as if the whole room was spinning and you couldn’t breathe. 

Three years. 

It’s been three years since you last saw him. 

Three years since he let you walk away from his parent’s house in tears. 

It’s been three years since he broke your heart and now here he was, standing in your restaurant, waiting to meet with you to talk about his wedding. A wedding the two of you talked about many times in your almost seven years of dating. You felt like you were about to throw up. Was it too late to say you couldn’t do it? There was no way you’d be able to cater to your ex boyfriend’s wedding. You couldn’t stomach the thought. 

“Y/n, aren’t you coming?” You didn’t even realize you weren’t moving until you felt the older boy tug at your wrist. 

“Youngjae, I—“ If you were coming off as rude and unprofessional, you didn’t care. This was the man you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. Your first love, your soulmate, your best friend. How could you possibly cater to a wedding of a man you planned on marrying? There was no way you’d be able to do it without crying during the process. All the memories of your relationship to your last night together came rushing back and you felt tears brimming at your eyelids. Before you could turn around and attempt to walk away, you heard his breath hitch. 

“Y/n.” You released an exasperated sigh before making your way towards him. “Hey. It’s been a while.” As hard as it was seeing him after all these years, you had to put on a strong face and pretend like nothing was wrong. No matter how much you were on the brink of crying. You wouldn’t let yourself cry in front of him. He didn’t deserve you or your tears. 

“Please follow me. We have no time to waste. I have to start preparing for the lunch service.” The sharpness in your tone and the spine chilling glare you sent his way didn’t surprise Mark. He deserved it after what he put you through. What he wasn’t ready for, was seeing you after three years. He didn’t think he would be able to sit in a room alone with you without crying over what no longer was. 

Seeing you again after how things ended between the two of you only brought back images of your puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks. It was the worst day of his life. 

When the two of you entered your office, you made your way towards your secret cabinet where you stored your alcohol and began preparing yourself a drink. When you heard him snicker, you rolled your eyes and took a shot. 

“Are you allowed to drink on the job?” You poured yourself a glass of red wine before finally taking your seat in front of him. 

“This is my restaurant. I can do whatever I want and I’m going to need a few sips of liquid courage if I’m going to have to deal with you.” He frowned before sitting up right so he could take a better look at you. From the day Mark met you, you always had a very bright and bubbly personality. You were one of the sweetest, kindest and most generous people Mark knew. But hearing you speak to him so harshly made him hate himself for turning you in to such a stone cold person. 

“Look y/n, I can already tell that you hate having me in your presence and I’m sorry this is happening right now. You don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to. I can talk to Erica and we can find someone else—“ You shook your head in disagreement. 

“I am a chef. My professional life comes before my personal one. I’m fine. If you’re going to have a problem with dealing with me then you can go ahead and tell her you want to look someone else.” He furrowed his brows while biting his lip. It was something he did many times when he was contemplating something. You hated that you still remembered the meaning behind every single movement of his. 

“I’m happy to see that you followed your dreams of completing culinary school and opening your own restaurant. I’m proud of you y/n. And you haven’t changed a bit. Still breathtakingly beautiful, as you always were. Always will be.” You scoffed in disbelief. Was he really saying all of this to you? He was engaged to be married and yet complimented you on your looks. Sure, he made it known how beautiful he thought you were every single day back when the two of you were still together, but this was a completely different story. He also had the nerve to tell you he was proud of you for following your dreams when it was the reason for your breakup in the first place? You couldn’t believe your ears. 

You and Mark started dating in your freshman year of high school. He was a junior you had met in P.E. Him and his group of friends were known throughout your high school. He was the captain of both the baseball and soccer team and he was one of the only students with a car. A Lexus to be exact. Everyone was completely aware that Mark’s family owned one of the biggest technology companies in the country. However, he was very simple and modest. He wasn’t this narcissistic, big headed asshole that everyone assumed he was just because his family was rich. 

One day, your class was running the mile run when you tripped on a rock and sprained your ankle. Mark was quick to run towards you and didn’t hesitate to pick you up bridal style and carried you all the way to the nurse’s office. He stayed with you for the rest of the period and in that half an hour, the two of you talked about anything and everything your hearts desired. From that day on, you became really good friends and it didn’t take long for you to fall for him. He never failed to make you laugh at the cheesiest jokes, he would always bring you snacks and made sure you were eating your meals. He would drop you home from school almost every day and when the two of you exchanged phone numbers, he would find himself texting you all kinds of memes, videos and links to posts he’d find funny. 

Less than a month after your accident, he confessed his feelings for you and you were excited that he reciprocated your feelings. Dating Mark was a dream. You didn’t think he could be even more amazing as a boyfriend than he was a friend, but he proved you wrong. He took you on many dates that he’d plan out thoroughly, wrote you cute little love letters, attempted to help you with your studies even if most of the time you were together was spent making out and would end practice early just to spend as much time with you as he could. Since he was well aware that he was your first boyfriend, he let you control the pace of your relationship. He only did whatever you asked him to do and didn’t want to cross any boundaries in fear of scaring you away. 

Although he’s been in multiple relationships before, you were the first girl he’s ever been in love with and he had a huge feeling you were going to be the last.

When Mark graduated from high school, you were afraid the distance was going to take a toll on your relationship. However, Mark never failed to reassure you that nothing would change between the the two of you. If anything, it brought the two of you closer. He made sure to continue picking you up and dropping you off to school because on some days, that was the only time he got to see you. And he never failed to call you and text you when he missed you. 

Your life revolved around the older boy. He was all your heart knew and wanted to know. You started losing friendships because of how focused you were on your relationship but you didn’t care. Mark was your main priority and he made it obvious in his actions that he felt the same way about you. 

Once you graduated from high school, you went straight in to culinary school and to say you were excited was an understatement. Cooking was a passion of yours from the time you could talk. When your siblings would watch cartoons, you found yourself watching the food network. Instead of joining a sport or some kind of dance class, you joined cooking and baking classes. There was something about the art of cooking that went beyond just throwing some instant noodles in to a pot of boiling water. 

Cooking meant more to you than what it did to most people. You were lucky that you had a boyfriend that was extremely supportive in your dreams and your goals. No matter how many times you told him no, Mark would buy you everything you needed in order to cook. All the supplies you needed in your classes, he bought nothing but the best brands. There were some days you felt shy having to bring your Martha Stewart cooking set to class knowing everyone else had brands that were sold at Walmart. 

Knowing that your boyfriend wanted nothing but the best for you made your heart flutter. Whenever you wanted to try a new recipe, he would always offer to be the taste tester even if you knew it was just his excuse to get a free meal; but he deserved it. Mark made it aware that he was your number one fan. The two of you moved in together not too longer after you graduated because he wouldn’t stop complaining about how much he missed you. 

Even when he was back in high school, he knew he was going to take over his dad’s position at his company when he were to retire. Which is why he never got to attend college and went straight to work at their company. However, you knew deep down that Mark had dreams of his own. 

You’d watch him draw pictures of buildings, you’d see him look at construction sites in awe and you’d catch him watching hgtv in the wee hours of the morning. Mark wanted to be an architect, there was no doubt about it and you knew your boyfriend was capable of becoming an amazing one. Unfortunately, whenever you’d bring the topic up to him, he’d give you a sad smile and just shrug it off; ultimately changing the topic. 

One thing you both loved and hated about him was how obedient he was. He did whatever people told him to do. From an early age, he was groomed to become a CEO, even if he wanted nothing to do with the company. 

On the night of your breakup, you and Mark were invited to his parent’s anniversary party. You’ve met the Tuan’s many times and they were some of the sweetest people you knew. They were also very particular when it came to their reputation and when Mrs.Tuan heard that her oldest son’s girlfriend wanted to become a chef, she wasn’t having any of it. You were all currently seated in their grand dining room area having dinner when curiosity got the best of her. 

“Y/n sweetheart, you’ve been with Mark for seven years now and you’ve been in college for almost three years but I have yet to learn what it is that you’re majoring in. What are you studying dear?” You smiled widely at her but before you could say anything, you felt a pinch on your thigh. You quickly turned towards your boyfriend and frowned at his worried face, not understanding what his expression meant. But once the words “culinary arts” fell from your lips and the whole room went in to uproar, you knew exactly why Mark looked so bothered. 

You felt like everyone was stabbing at your heart with every laugh that was being thrown your way and when you turned to Mark, he was staring at the ground with a blank face. 

“Y/n, dear. You cannot be serious. A chef? Are you crazy? You want to cook for people? Now why in the world would you want to do that? There are so many other occupations out there much more impressive than that. Whose going to be impressed when I tell them that my future daughter in law is a cook? I’m sorry, but that just won’t do.” 

You could feel your throat getting dry and you wanted the ground to swallow you whole in that moment. As much as you liked and respected Mark’s family, you couldn’t go past the fact that they were looking down on you and belittling your dream career. They should accept you and your future career for what it was. 

However, it wasn’t their words that were hurting you. The fact that Mark allowed them to continue attacking you and treating you as if you were some pathetic being who didn’t deserve to be there instead of defending you and your dream is what was slowly tearing you apart. How could he claim to support you in everything you did, love you more than anything or anyone in the world and want nothing but the best for you, yet fail to protect you from his family? His silence spoke volumes, which is why you weren’t surprised when your next few words fell from your mouth. 

“You have nothing to worry about Mrs.Tuan, because I have no plans on marrying your son for that matter. I refuse to marry in to a family who doesn’t accept nor support my dreams and I refuse to change a thing about for anyone but myself. Thank you for having me tonight. I wish you all nothing but the best. Happy anniversary.” You did not waste any time getting out of there and mentally cursed yourself as you remembered Mark drove the both of you to his parent’s house. 

You started briskly walking to the nearest bus stop seeing as how it was getting quite late. Tears began to fall from your cheeks when you came to the realization that Mark wasn’t chasing after you, but you knew his family probably kept him from doing so. 

Throughout your walk, a part of you felt as if you should’ve kept your mouth shut. No matter how much the Tuan family seemed to like you, you should’ve known that they were people who cared about their wealth and social status. But another part of you refused to give up on your dreams in order to impress people who clearly didn’t deserve you at all. 

The fact that Mark didn’t fight for you or for your relationship is what was killing you the most. You loved him with every fiber of your being. You had plans to settle down with him, get married to him, have kids with him; you wanted it all. Now, you wanted nothing to do with him. You were going to head back to your shared apartment in order pack up everything and head back to your parent’s place. When you finally reached the bus stop, you called your mom up and explained the whole situation to her. 

You’ve never heard your mom swear so many times in one sentence before. She was fuming and she had every right to be. As much as she wanted to be angry with Mark, she was much more disappointed. Parents claim to want nothing but the best for you. However, if you feel in your heart that what they want for you, isn’t what you need, it’s up to you to decide whether or not you’re going to take responsibility for your own life, or continue to let them tell you what to do. Mark would always do whatever his parents wanted him to and there was nothing you could do about it. 

Once you hung up the phone with your mom, you took a look at yourself and let out a hysterical laugh. You were a mess. Your eyes were swollen and your cheeks were red and puffy. It just occurred to you that you lost the love of your life. This was it for the two of you and you didn’t know what you were going to do. How were you going to live without the man who was all that you knew? You were so deep in your thoughts that you failed to notice Mark trying to get in touch with you. After a few moments, you saw his Lexus pull up to the bus stop and you turned towards the other direction. 

“Y/n. I am so fucking sorry baby I—“ he got out of the car and made his way towards you but you continued to give him the silent treatment. When he came in to view, you refused to look at him. 

Your mind felt disgusted with the boy kneeling in front of you. Where was the man who held you as you cried because finals were too hard? Where was the man who stayed up till the wee hours of the morning to take care of you when you got the flu? Where was the man who bought you twelve different pints of ice cream once because he knew how much you loved ice cream? Where was the man who cried in to your shoulder when Moana’s grandmother died? Where was the man who told you he loved you more than life itself and promised you the sun, the moon and the stars? It was clearly not the little boy on his knees in front of you. The boy in front of you chose his family, his pride and his reputation over you. Over your seven year relationship. Over your love, your happiness, your life and future together. This was not the man you loved. 

“Don’t. Just go Mark. They’re probably waiting for you. Go.” He shook his head and wrapped his arms tightly around your legs as he placed his chin on your thighs. “Mark, get up. You’re being ridiculous.” 

He began to cry in to your lap and you could feel the tears building up again. One of the things you loved most about Mark was how sensitive he was. He cried over many different things and you knew it was because he had a big heart. Whenever he would cry, you’d find yourself crying too. You hated seeing Mark cry, but he never cried over you. He never had a reason to, until now. He made a mistake, and he was now paying for it. 

“I’m sorry. I should’ve said something. I’m so fucking stupid. But you need to understand that—“ you groaned in disbelief. 

“I need to understand what Mark? That I’m not good enough for you? Or your family? That I’m considered trash to you because I want to become a chef? What’s so good about you huh? You’re taking over a company. Woohoo! Good for you! We all know that’s not what you want. It’s being handed over to you. You don’t have to do shit. I’m sorry I don’t come from a wealthy family like you. Things don’t get handed to me on a silver platter like they do for you Mark. I have to work for the things that I want. You made me feel like shit. Like I’m nothing in front of your family. You made me feel as if you were ashamed of me and my career path when you are the number one person who pushes me to go after my goals and chase after my dreams.” 

His sobs only became louder the longer you explained your thoughts to him, but you didn’t care. He needed to know how pathetic he made you feel. 

“How do you think your parents would react if they knew their son put hundreds of dollars from their company in to buying me cooking equipment? I bet they wouldn’t be too pleased knowing you’d leave work early in order to come support me at my competitions and drive me to wherever I needed to go. Nor would they be too happy knowing you paid off my entire tuition no matter how many times I begged you not to. Love is about sacrifices Mark. You claim to love me and up until tonight I know you did, but you failed to sacrifice your pride for me and I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that. Thank you, for showing me your true colors tonight. I’m glad I found out who you really are and what your main priorities are now rather than later as I waste the rest of my life with you.”

He finally took his face off of your lap and looked up at you. Seeing the broken look on his face made you want to cry again, but you held yourself together. He gripped both of your wrists before roughly connecting your lips together. Your heart was begging you to react to the kiss. You wanted to be understanding, you knew how hard it was for Mark having to choose between his family and you. But if they were really his family, they would love you and support you no matter what the case and they failed to do so. 

You knew this was probably your last few moments with him and as much as you wanted to hate him, the love you had for him would always be stronger. Seven years of your life spent with him was not going to disappear in a matter of seconds. So you were selfish and allowed him to kiss you for the time being. Just a few seconds later, you pulled away and placed one more kiss on his lips.

“Come on, we’ll talk about this more at home—“ You shook your head in disagreement and you could feel him grip on to the hem of your party dress.

“Y/n, please. Please baby. Hear me out. Let me make things right, please. I can’t lose you. You mean everything to me y/n. I love you so fucking much. I can’t live without you. Are you really going to let seven years go to shit because you want to be stubborn?” 

You scowled as you tried to pry him off of you. “DON’T YOU DARE GIVE ME THAT SHIT. YOU DECIDED TO LET SEVEN YEARS GO TO SHIT WHEN YOU FAILED TO DEFEND ME. WHEN YOU FAILED TO PROTECT ME. WHEN YOU LET YOUR FAMILY LAUGH AT ME AND TALK NEGATIVELY ABOUT ME AND MY DREAMS. You should have grown a fucking pair and told your parents just how proud you are of me and how supportive you are of my occupation but no. You let your mom make me feel stupid and inferior because she doesn’t think my occupation is good enough for you. You always have to do what mommy and daddy tell you huh? I’m sorry. I refuse to let anyone tell me how to live my life. I love myself too much for that. I love you Mark, and I’m always going to love you. But I love myself more. So much more. Have a nice life and take care of yourself.” 

With perfect timing, the bus stopped in front of the curb and you grabbed your things while quickly getting on. You faintly heard him calling after you, but you made your way towards the back and plugged in your headphones. It felt like a huge weight was taken off of your shoulders. Once you reached your apartment, you released a sigh of relief when you noticed he wasn’t there and began to pack away all your things. You were going to miss this place. So many memories were made here and you couldn’t help but reminisce.However, tonight’s events would not stop playing in your mind and you decided to push back all memories of Mark to the back of your thoughts. 

You successfully put away all your things before he could come home and stop you and made your way to your car in order to drive to your parents house. You haven’t seen or heard from Mark since that dreadful night and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss him or thought about him from time to time. But you knew what you deserved and like he’s told you multiple times before, you deserved nothing but the best and that’s the only thing you were going to accept. 

“Yeah. All my hard work paid off. Let’s get started on this shall we?” You tried your best to look anywhere but at him. There was no doubt Mark was good looking. He was the most handsomest man you’ve ever laid your eyes on and like a fine wine, he only gets better with age. However, you could still see remnants of the teenage boy you fell in love with many years ago. You knew you wouldn’t be able to concentrate if you were to look at him. 

“Let’s start off with allergies. What is Erica allergic to?” When he didn’t respond after a few minutes, you gave up on giving him the cold shoulder and finally looked up at him. You looked at him in curiosity and he shrugged at you. “You don’t know what your fiancée is allergic to? Seriously?” 

Hearing his name and the word fiancée together sent an unsettling feeling to your stomach. You’ve always dreamt of going through this with him. Planning things for your wedding. Talking with a florist, a catering company, a baker, hiring a wedding planner. You would always find yourself planning your future wedding and Mark would always join in. Knowing he wanted to be involved always made your heart melt in to a puddle. That should be you sitting next to him with his ring on your finger, but things just weren’t meant to work out that way. You could only hope Erica was nearby so you could get this whole thing over with. 

“If I’m being honest, I don’t know much about her. So we should just wait for her to come.” You released a frustrated sigh before humming in agreement.

 “So, how is the restaurant doing so far? I like how you decorated the place. It’s really—you. The wallpaper, the booths and tables, the flooring, the fairy lights, the wooden plaques you always loved buying from Tj Maxx. If you don’t mind me asking, why Sunrise? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice name. But why?” 

You furrowed your brows and took a sip of your wine. You couldn’t believe you were going to tell him the reason, especially because it had to do with him and your relationship. But you were never one to lie. “Remember that one day we were watching the sunset at the beach and I began to cry because I was upset at the thought of how all beautiful things come to an end?” He nodded in remembrance of the memory and motioned for you to continue. 

“When we broke up, I was a wreck. For months. Hell, almost an entire year. I don’t know how I did it, but I graduated from culinary school with a 3.6 g.p.a and worked at multiple restaurants, trying to get as much food service experience as possible. I saved up enough money to open up a restaurant and here I am today. This restaurant had no name for two months because nothing sounded good to me. One of my sous chefs told me it’s always the darkest before the dawn and that with every sunset, there is a sunrise. As corny as it sounds, with the sunset of our relationship, came there sunrise of all my hard work and success. I lost you, but I gained myself. I achieved all my goals and now look, I own a five star restaurant. I’m a boss bitch if I do say so myself.”

This earned you a soft giggle and you didn’t realize how much you missed his laugh until you heard it again. Mark had one of those distinct and very contagious laughs. Although he was almost 27 years old, he had the cutest little high pitch laugh that you were sure could cure cancer. “Y/n, I—“ before he could continue his sentence, there was a knock on the door. 

“Oh my God, I am so sorry. I had a doctor’s appointment at 11 but it ended up being pushed back till 11:30. I also made a quick stop to my favorite bakery which is right next door. Here y/n, this is for you. This is one of their most popular items, a peanut butter and raspberry jelly croissant. I hope you like it.”

You gave her a soft smile before attempting to reach for it but Mark was quick to pull the paper bag away. “Mark—“ he took the pastry and placed it back in to the plastic bag she was holding. 

“Y/n is allergic to peanuts and she hates raspberries. Just save it for yourself and eat it later.” You looked at him in awe. Mark was always such an amazing listener. He always asked you so many questions about yourself and what you were allergic to was one of his first questions even before the two of you started dating. You found yourself warming up at the thought of how attentive he used to be whenever it came to you, but you quickly came back to your senses. He was getting married. Even if seeing him again awakened some feelings you still had for him, you couldn’t let little things like that affect you in any way. 

Hate was a very strong word. You couldn’t say you hated Mark. You could never hate him, no matter how much you wanted to. But you were disappointed in him and you didn’t know which feeling was worst. 

“Wait, how do you know—“

“We were talking about allergies before you came. Can you tell her yours, I have no clue.” 

Seeing the way the two of them were interacting made you confused. For two people who were getting married in a few months, they sure didn’t act like a couple and by the looks of it, Mark seemed irritated with her. She was completely oblivious towards his emotions, but you’ve been with him long enough to know when someone was getting on his nerves. 

How could they be getting married when it felt as if neither of them wanted to be there? It’s as if the woman on the phone and the one sitting in front of you were two completely different people. She didn’t have the excited tone in her voice like she did a few days prior and you couldn’t help but feel her fiancé had something to do with it. 

“Okay, how about we decide on the way the food will be served first? Did you guys want a buffet, or would you rather the dinner be brought to the guests?” Mark leaned back in his chair and shrugged his shoulders. He was making it pretty clear that he didn’t want anything to do with the decision making, nor did he seem to care about the wedding in general. You couldn’t help but get curious about their relationship, not that it was any of your business. You were consulting them about a catering inquiry not having a couples therapy session. And what did it matter to you anyway? Mark was in your past and you planned on keeping him there at all costs. 

While you and Erica continued to go through the menu, it felt as if Mark wasn’t even there. However, you could feel his eyes on you the entire time. Your assumptions were confirmed when you turned to face him as Erica brought up what she was interested in having. 

“Maybe we could do a surf and turf? So maybe some type of meat with lobster or crab—“ You looked at Mark and your breath hitched when you saw that he was already looking at you. 

“Mark’s allergic to shellfish.” Although you looked away before either of them could respond, the smirk that rose on his face made your heart rate increase.

“Oh, really? Well, in that case we could go with salmon or maybe cod?” Mark sat upright and placed his hands on the table as if he was now interested in the conversation. The rest of the meeting ran smoothly, or so you kept trying to tell yourself. As you and Erica continued to make decisions, Mark would throw in unnecessary comments and you couldn’t help but feel as if he was doing it purposely to get under your skin. But you didn’t let it bother you in any way. You weren’t going to allow him to get to you. Not anymore. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did the two of you meet?” Once the question fell from your lips, you were quick to notice the way Mark tensed up and you were extremely curious as to why. Why did that question seem to bother him?

“Oh, well our fathers are company partners and they thought we’d be a good match for each other.” A bitter laugh fell from your lips as you ignored the fact that Erica was there and turned towards Mark.

“Still doing everything daddy tells you huh? Why am I not surprised?” He glared at you but he knew he had no right to fire back. It was the truth. The two of you were so busy in your own little stare down that you failed to notice how confused Erica now was. 

“I’m sorry, am I missing something here? Do you two know each other?” 

You gave her a sad smile and nodded in agreement. “Knew. We went to school together. That’s pretty much it. Well, I think we’re done here for today. If you have any more questions Erica or need to update the menu, feel free to call the restaurant and I’d be happy to help. Have a nice day.” 

She quietly thanked you before making her way out, however, when she noticed Mark wasn’t following after her she tugged on his wrist. “Come on Mark, we have to meet with the florist.” 

You knew there were so many things he probably wanted to say to you, but you didn’t want to hear it. This meeting was nothing but a coincidence. But you couldn’t help but feel like it was the universe trying to tell you something. Out of the hundreds and thousands of people living in your hometown, how could your ex boyfriend and his soon to be wife be your first catering client? There was no way this happened by coincidence. 

After the two of them left your office, you sank to your knees and began to cry. Why did seeing him again after three years upset you so much? Your sobs filled the room and you felt as if you couldn’t breathe. You were so caught up in crying that you failed to notice Jaebum enter the room until you were brought on to his lap. 

“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Shhh, you’re fine y/n. I’m here. Everything going to be alright.” He continued to console you and gently rocked you back and forth to try and get you to calm down. He ran his fingers through your hair and placed a few soft kisses on your forehead. Not too long after he entered your office, you stopped crying and sighed in to his chest. 

“Have you ever had your heart broken before Jaebum?” The sudden question flustered the older boy and he didn’t know how to respond. 

“Y/n—“ you frowned at his worried expression. 

“That man that just left, he’s my ex boyfriend. Ironic isn’t it? I’m catering to my ex boyfriend’s wedding. This has to be a joke. Someone must’ve set me up, this is bullshit. There’s no way I can cater to his wedding. Is it too late to cancel Jaebum? I know it’s unprofessional, but look at me. I’m a fucking wreck and this was only the first meeting. What more at the actual wedding?” 

Jaebum didn’t know how to respond. It was clear that seeing Mark again was ruining you and the walls you’ve took so long to build up after your relationship ended. He didn’t know what to do or how to help you. He wasn’t aware of the situation and even if you’ve known each other for a while, he had no clue who Mark was. His heart hurt for you. Seeing you so distraught over your ex and this unfortunate situation broke his heart and all he could do was hold you as you cried. Once your sobs began to slow down, you slowly got up from off of his lap and wiped your tears before giggling softly. 

“Sorry, I ruined your uniform and I probably kept you from doing something important—“ he brought his finger up to your cheek and wiped away a few of your tears. 

“Will you stop apologizing? God, how you are still so cute after crying is beyond me. What am I going to do with you y/n? You are the strongest and most hardworking person I know. I’m sure it is a lot to take in, but you’ll be fine. We’ve had people complain about our food, compare us to other restaurants and even walk out without paying for their meals and you’ve handled each and every negative situation with so much class because that’s who you are. If you decide that you don’t want to go along with this, then you don’t have to. But the y/n I know isn’t going to let something like this get in the way of her passion. You don’t have to tell me everything, just know that I’m here for you if you need to talk. Why don’t you just call it a day y/n? I can handle it from here. Maybe go to the spa or something. Take your mind off of what went down today.” 

You shook your head in disagreement before pulling him in for a hug. “I’m a big girl Jae. Although a relaxing day at the spa sounds nice, I’ll be fine. Thank you for consoling me. I should be outside in a few, I just have to finish up with their menu.” He placed one more kiss on your forehead and gave you a sad smile before heading back to the kitchen. 

Jaebum was right, there was no way you could work without making a mistake. Thoughts of Mark were clouding you your mind. An arranged marriage. He was getting married to someone because his family set him up for it. Although you didn’t feel like you had the right to think like that, it was only natural that you did. You watched them interact. You paid attention to the way Mark looked at his fiancée in disgust. It was nothing compared to the way he would look at you. Whenever Mark looked at you, your heart would always combust. He looked at you as if you were one of the seven wonders of the world. Whenever Mark looked at you, you couldn’t help but feel like the most ethereal being he’s ever laid eyes on. 

He looked at Erica like she was scum under his toes. She didn’t seem all too happy with him either, but she was handling it better than he was. Taking Jaebum’s advice, you took off your uniform, grabbed your things and made your way towards the kitchen. As the guys heard you coming in, you noticed how quick they pulled away from the huddle they were formed in and you knew Jaebum had probably warned them about your frazzled state. 

“Hey boss, we’re ready whenever you are.” You smiled softly at Youngjae while playfully running your fingers through his soft, blue locks. 

“I’m not feeling all too well. I’m sorry guys. I’m going to call it a day if that’s okay. Jaebum is in charge, please don’t give him a hard time. If you need anything, feel free to call me. I’ll be back tomorrow. Thank you for all your hard work.” The guys nodded in agreement and said their goodbyes as you made your way towards the door. 

“Please get some rest. And don’t overthink too much. Call me if you need to okay? I’m always here for you.” You grinned up at the handsome man and gently pinched his cheek. 

“Who knew the oh so intimidating and mysterious Im Jaebum would be such a softie for little old me? Thank you again. I’ll see you tomorrow. If I come back tomorrow and the restaurants in flames, I’ll kick your ass.” His laughter filled the room and he jokingly shoved you out the door. 

For the rest of the day, you did whatever you could to take your mind off of the fact that Mark was back in your life. You thought you were over him completely. Or at least, that’s what you kept telling yourself. It was one thing to say you had no feelings for someone when they were no longer in your life. 

But now that you saw him and talked with him, the love you had for him all those years ago came rushing back. He was your first love, there was no way you could pretend that nothing ever happened between the two of you. 

A week after your extremely awkward meeting with Mark and Erica, business only increased, giving you a chance to focus on other things rather than your ex boyfriend who seemed to be clouding up your thoughts. Unfortunately, Mark took your little run in as a sign of fate. He was a realist. Like you had thought right after talking with him, there was no way this was a coincidence. Erica could have picked any catering company to reach out to but she chose your restaurant instead. 

Mark never believed in things like fate, or soulmates. But that was all before he met you. When you came in to his life, you were all his heart craved to know. You were all he longed for and everything he’s ever dreamt of. You weren’t aware of how much he regrets that night at his parents house and if he had the chance, he’d do whatever he could to go back in time to change the turn of events. He was miserable without you. Heartbreak was a foreign word to him. Since the two of you were madly in love with each other and planned to spend the rest of your lives together at one point, he didn’t think he would ever experience the pain that people claimed came with a broken heart. However, right after you got on the bus and walked out of his life, he knew you took a huge part of him with you. He hasn’t been the same since. 

He wanted to chase after you, to beg you to forgive him. He would take any beating or any negative words you threw at him because God knows he deserved it. But instead he let you go. The damage was done and he knew that even if you were to forgive him, you’d never forget what he did. He’s never been with anyone since you left. Mark knew there was no one else for him. You were it and you’d always be. Which is why he made a vow to focus on nothing but work. He took on extra shifts in attempts to get you off of his mind, but it never worked. He couldn’t stop thinking about how those words fell from your lips and slapped him across the face. 

You have nothing to worry about Mrs.Tuan, because I have no plans on marrying your son for that matter. 

Once you said those words to his mom, he knew it was over. He didn’t even have to look at you to know that you were upset and as soon as you left the table, he got up and ran out in to the yard, screaming and punching at anything in sight while kicking down both the mailbox and trash can. Mark didn’t give two shits about his family’s company, he didn’t care about their wealth or social status. He’d give it all up if it meant getting you back in his life again. He still had a hard time understanding why he didn’t just speak up and tell his family the truth. If he wasn’t such a coward, the two of you would still be together and he’d be cheering you on and giving you his endless support like he always did.

Unfortunately, Mark wasn’t like you. He didn’t have the strength or courage to go against his family and chase after his dreams like you did. He cared about what people thought about him. He didn’t want his family to be upset with him. But hearing them talk so negatively about the girl he loved more than any single one of them made him angry beyond belief. You were right. By not defending you, he chose them. Whoever said blood is thicker than water had to be an idiot. You meant more to Mark than anyone sitting at that table that night, but being the pathetic man he was, he couldn’t find it in himself to go against his mother’s wishes. 

He knew they wanted nothing but the best for him, or at least that’s what he thought. It took him years after your break up to come to terms with the fact that the Tuan’s would rather their son be miserable marrying the daughter of a wealthy business man who couldn’t give less of a shit about him other than his money, than to allow him to be with the love of his life who happened to be a chef. If they knew just how successful you and your restaurant had become, they wouldn’t have been so judge-mental towards you. 

As the years went by and Mark made it known that he had no interest in a relationship with anyone other than you, Mr.Tuan took it upon himself to find his son a bride. There was no way Mark could take control of such a big company without an equally successful woman by his side. When his father gave him the news that he was setting him up with the daughter of one of the company’s partners, Mark was floored. How could his father allow him to marry someone he never had met before let alone develop feelings for? 

Erica was a very sweet and soft spoken person and in Mark’s opinion, things could be worse. But he knew he could never look at her in a romantic way. He could never look at anyone the way he looked at you. It was his karma, but being the pushover he was, not being able to speak up against his parents, he found himself agreeing to the arranged marriage. His father kept trying to convince him that maybe somewhere along the line, the more time he spent with Erica, sooner or later he would develop some sort of feelings for her. It’s been almost a year since they started “dating” and the only skin-ship they shared between each other was the handshake that sealed the deal of their engagement. 

The word miserable couldn’t describe even half of what Mark was feeling. From the day you broke up with him up until now, he never stopped thinking about you. How you were doing, how school was treating you, how life would be like for the two of you if he just spoke up and praised you the way you deserved, if you missed him the way he missed you. If you still loved him, the way he couldn’t stop loving you. Seeing you again the other day made his heart both flutter and sink. He was meeting with you in regards to his wedding. Although you weren’t aware of the situation between him and Erica and he was sure you were moved on, a part of him felt guilty. Here he was with his fiancée, asking you to cater to their wedding. 

Not only did he feel uncomfortable being in a room with you, his ex-girlfriend and the woman he was still so madly in love with, but he was hiring you to do something his family practically laughed at you for doing. There was no way he could do that to you, but he had no choice. It took him every bone in his body not to walk behind your desk and pull you in to his embrace. 

There weren’t enough words to describe just how much he missed you. Mark didn’t think it was possible, but you were even more beautiful than when he last saw you. Your hair was longer, your eyes still had that pretty glow that he loved so much, your already petite frame got even smaller and you radiated so much confidence as you spoke. He was an idiot for letting you go and he’d never let himself live it down. 

As he made his way back to the apartment the two of you shared together, he began thinking about what to do to make things right between the two of you. Now that he knew where to find you and that there was a chance he’d get to see you a few more times, he had to do whatever he could to get you to forgive him. It was too late for you to become a couple again and he accepted that. But that didn’t mean the two of you couldn’t be friends and if that was the only way he could have you in his life, then so be it. He’d take whatever he could get. 

You could pretend as if you were unbothered by his presence, but Mark knew you like the back of his hand. Hell, he knew you just a bit more than you knew yourself. If you didn’t care about him, you wouldn’t have spoke up about his allergies, nor would you have brought up the fact that he hates artichokes. You wouldn’t have stolen glances at him the way you were when you thought he wasn’t looking. 

He saw how you smiled to yourself when he took the donut away from you and had to stop himself from blushing at the sight. He was older now and considerably more mature. Although he was still living by his parent’s rules, attempting to make his way back in to your life was a rule he was willing to break. That’s if you’d let him of course. 

When you went in to work one morning, your office was surrounded with dozens of sunflower arrangements and you knew exactly who they were from. Only one person knew how much you loved sunflowers; it was the same person who could not leave your mind. You furrowed your brows in confusion, why was he sending you flowers? Just because you had to work for him did not mean anything. You weren’t planning on reconnecting again. You just wanted the whole wedding to hurry up and be over with so that Mark would be out of your life completely and you could get your sanity back. 

Each bouquet had a card on it with different phrases and quotes you loved and you could feel warmth rising on your cheeks. You felt a tear against your cheek, but you refused to let any more fall. Did Mark think that sending you a bunch of flowers was going to fix what he broke years ago? He was getting married to someone who wasn’t you, so why was he sending you flowers? What did it mean? 

“Hey y/n, the food supplier is here—holy shit. It’s like a garden in here. These are obviously not from Jaebum, he doesn’t have the brains nor the money to think about buying all of this. Do you have a secret admirer? He must be rich. So that’s your type then huh boss? I better let Jaebum down easy—OW! For someone who claims I am your favorite, you always seem to show your affection through abuse. My bruise from the soup ladle you whacked me with is still healing you know!” 

You rolled your eyes before throwing on your apron and motioned the blue haired boy out of the room. “I think you’ve been spending too much time with Jackson and BamBam these days Youngjae. You’ve been exceptionally nosy and I hate that those two losers corrupted my sweet little line cook in to a monster. Don’t worry about the flowers, worry about the vegetables that need chopping. Shoo.” 

He playfully frowned while exiting and closed the door behind him. You couldn’t help but smile at the fact that he remembered what your favorite flowers are. Every Valentine’s Day and birthday you celebrated together, no matter what gift he gave you, he’d always give you a bouquet of sunflowers. There was one bouquet that you had yet to read the letter attached and since curiosity got the best of you, you found yourself reading it. 

“I don’t care what you think, I know it’s fate that brought us together again. You don’t have to forgive me if you don’t want to, but since we’ll be seeing each other every so often, it wouldn’t hurt to be civil. Give me a call when you get the chance.-MT” 

You released a frustrated sigh before plopping down in your chair. This man was going to be the death of you. As your mind began to have an internal argument with your heart, you found yourself reaching for your phone and sent him a quick text, thanking him for the flowers and asking him when he was free. Sure, there was no going back to what used to be; but he had a point. You couldn’t keep acting so cold towards him. The obvious animosity between the two of you which was more so on your part wasn’t going to make things any easier. He was quick to respond, letting you know that he was willing to meet right now if you were free in which you found yourself agreeing to. 

There were red flags going off in your head, but you didn’t care. It’s not like he’d be able to hurt you again, there was no chance of getting back together. Once the wedding was over, he’d be a married man and the two of you would go back to being strangers again. It bothered you that you were upset at the thought of no longer seeing him once this was all done but deep down you knew it was the fifteen year old girl who fell in love with Mark all those years ago that was making the decision for you. 

“Y/n, where did you move the first aid kit? Yugyeom’s dumb ass cut his finger again—wow. Are you giving up cooking to pursue decorating flower arrangements?” You shoved the older boy before removing your apron and reaching for your bag. 

“I have to meet up with someone. Can you let Jaebum know? I should be back in an hour. Thanks Jinyoung.” Before he could open his mouth to say anything, you were making your way out of the restaurant. You began feeling nervous, but at the same time a part of you felt happy to see him again and you hated yourself for feeling that way. 

He asked you to meet him at a coffee shop the two of you would always frequent back when you were together. He chose that place on purpose, you were sure of it. First the sunflowers, now your favorite cafe you haven’t been to since the breakup. He was trying to get you to reminisce on what once was and you weren’t going to allow yourself to fall for it. After pulling up to the shop and parking your car, you made your way in to the coffee shop and it didn’t take long for you to see him sitting in the corner. You walked over towards him and your heart warmed when a smile rose on his face as soon you made eye contact with each other. 

“Hey! I’m not taking you out of work or anything am I?” You shook your head in disagreement and took a seat. You’d be lying to yourself if you said he didn’t look good. He was growing out his hair and you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of him doing it for you. Mark would always complain about how his hair would get in his eyes once it grew a certain length but you made sure he was aware of how much his long hair would turn you on. At one point, his hair went past his neck and that’s when you decided it was time he got a haircut. The memory made you smile to yourself. 

“I ordered your usual if that’s okay. If you’re not in to ice caramel macchiatos with coconut milk anymore I can go change it—“ he stood up but you motioned for him to sit back down. It was so cute how flustered he was acting towards you. Were you really in a relationship with this man for over seven years? He was acting as if it was your first date all over again. 

“That’s fine Mark. It sounds really good actually. I haven’t been here for quite a while. I’m glad to see it hasn’t changed a bit.” The two of you sat in silence for a few moments and you tried to look around the room in attempts to feel less awkward until he spoke up. 

“I’m sorry.” 

You looked up at him in curiosity and decided to stay silent as he continued. “I’m very grateful you agreed to meet up with me. I don’t deserve to be here with you right now and I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but you didn’t let me explain myself at the bus stop—“ 

Why did he feel like this was a good environment to talk about your failed relationship? You were sure he knew you were probably going to cry, so why did he want to talk about such a sensitive topic in the public? “Mark—“ timing always seemed to be on your side. The waitress came over and gave you both your drinks all the while handing you a cranberry scone. You could feel your throat getting dry as your tears began to form. This was all too much for you to handle but you didn’t want to cause a scene, so you quietly thanked the waitress and kept your eyes on the table. 

“Erica and I, I’m sure you’re aware of it. You’ve always been so good at observing people. We’re not an actual couple. My father set me up for an arranged marriage with her in order to strengthen our companies together. I haven’t been in a relationship since our break up and because of this, my father took matters in to his own hands and being the weakling I am, I agreed to go along with it. But I hate it y/n. The meeting we had the other day was the first time I’ve seen her in months and she’s taking this whole arrangement better than I am but I’m sure she’s just as upset if not more with her father. I haven’t been treating her too kindly and it’s not her fault that this is happening, but you and I both know I don’t want to spend my life with anyone other than you. It’s always been you y/n. I meant what I said when I told you we were soulmates.”

You took a sip of your drink, but you didn’t have much of an appetite the more he continued to talk. As much as you didn’t think you could continue listening to him confess his feelings for you, you wanted to hear what he had to say. Which is why you found yourself still sitting in front of him instead of running out like you probably would have if he did something like this right after your break up. 

“I should’ve stood up to my parents, and told them how proud I was of you. How proud I am of you. Look at you. You’re one of the most youngest and extremely successful chefs in the country. You have your own restaurant and achieved everything you said you were going to do. You’re such a wonderful human being y/n and I hate myself for humiliating you and making you feel worthless. I’m so fucking sorry. I’m still so fucking in love with you and it fucking sucks because it’s my fault we’re like this. I don’t know how you feel about me, you could hate my guts for all I know but I deserve it. It’s obvious there’s no way we can be together again and I’m sure you wouldn’t want to get back with me even if there was a chance for us. But I have to go through with this wedding and I think this is my karma. I have to spend the rest of my life being miserable because of the choice I made that night. You have to admit though, meeting up again after all of these years is fate.” He scratched the back of his neck, something he always did when he felt as if he was upsetting you. 

“I’m not going to lie, I found myself searching you up on several occasions to see how you were doing, to see if you accomplished what you put yourself out to do. There were so many times I found myself standing outside of your restaurant, but I didn’t think I deserved to come in. When Erica told me where she was planning on getting the food from, I felt a tad bit excited at the thought of seeing you again. I’ve missed you so much y/n. I can’t even describe how painful it was to lose you. The day I let you walk away was the worst day of my life. If I could go back to that night and did what I should’ve done, I would.” 

You scoffed in disbelief. “But you can’t Mark. The damage is done, so take it for what it is. You didn’t love or care for me enough to think that something like this would happen. You should have known that you would have to choose between me and your family and you chose them. You knew how becoming a chef was my one and only dream; that’s why you supported it. When your mom laughed in my face and tried to make me feel pathetic for wanting to be a chef, it felt like a slap in the face and I didn’t care how much I loved you. I wouldn’t have given up my career to impress your family or to find another job that would make me miserable just to be good enough for you.” You clenched your jaw and could feel your anger building up. You were afraid of saying something you would soon regret if you were to stay a little while longer.

“I tried telling myself that it was hard for you, to choose between your mom and I, but if I were in your shoes, I would’ve chose you. I would’ve done anything for you Mark. I didn’t care about anyone or anything other than my passion for cooking and you. You were all that I thought I could ever need. So that’s why I was devastated when you didn’t seem to have the same mindset that I had. I don’t know what you wanted to come out of our meeting today and I’m sorry if you thought that by apologizing, I would magically end up back in your arms again. It doesn’t work that way Mark. I think it’s best for us to pretend as if we don’t know each other. You’re just another client to me. What we had was indescribably beautiful, but it is no longer. Nor will it ever be again. I’m sorry you’re being forced in to marriage, but you do have a say in it. You just can’t go against your parents wishes. You’re a grown man Mark. Not everything your parents want for you is what’s best for you. It’s okay to choose yourself sometimes. Thank you for the coffee and the scone. Have a nice rest of your day.” 

You ran out of the cafe and quickly got in to your car before you could react to the whole interaction and soon your sobs echoed throughout your car. 

I’m still so fucking in love with you. 

Out of everything he said, those words stuck with you. They were haunting you and you knew you still loved him too. There was no doubt about it. But there was nothing either of you could do about it. He was getting married and with the way he was allowing himself to go through with it, you knew he’d continue doing whatever he could to please his parents. You refused to be with someone who wouldn’t stand their ground when the situation called for it. Instead of returning back to the restaurant, you made your way home. There was no way you could work without breaking down and crying. 

You texted Jaebum and let him know of your plans in which he was quick to offer to head to your place once he was finished. But you didn’t want to burden him with your problems and you wanted to be alone. Mark reached out to you, apologizing for pulling such a stunt and accepting the fact that the two of you weren’t going to be what you used to be. As the months went by, the wedding date only got closer and closer and to your surprise, you and Mark became friends. 

After that day in the coffee shop, he gave you your space and didn’t hear from him unless he had to call you about the wedding. However, there was one night he called you in the wee hours of the morning and you couldn’t help but answer the call. He never used to wake you up with a phone call unless it was urgent and when you heard him crying over the phone, you knew it was serious. Mark was infamous for having panic attacks and he made it known to you that you were the only one who could get him to calm down. 

He knew he was taking advantage of having your number, and he was selfish for wanting to call you. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop crying unless he heard your voice and that’s exactly why he dialed your number. You did your best to console him softly and soothingly and after a few moments, his sobs finally stopped. Hearing him so weak and fragile broke your heart and you decided to forget about everything negative for a little while in order to focus on him. 

You loved this man for a huge chunk of your life; you weren’t going to allow him to suffer on his own if there was something you could do about it. After that night, you let him know that he could find solace in you whenever he needed to. It didn’t take long for the two of you to start talking to each other on a daily basis and you finally accepted the fact that you were falling back in love with him. However, as soon as you felt yourself gaining back your feelings for him, you had to remind yourself that he was going to be a married man in less than a month. 

Although he wasn’t romantically involved with Erica, he was hers legally. You and Mark were stuck in your own little world that you failed to notice your surroundings and what was going on around you. The closer you got with Mark, the more distant you became with Jaebum and you knew it had to deal with the fact that he had feelings for you. 

You liked Jaebum, there was no questioning your feelings for him. But the love you had for Mark was strong, too fierce for you to look at anyone else in the way you looked at him. If you and Jaebum were meant to be more than friends, something would’ve happened between the two of you a long time ago.

Jaebum didn’t know that Mark was the one you were constantly sneaking around to meet with, but he knew there was someone who was currently taking up all the space in your mind and possibly your heart. You didn’t realize how serious things were getting between the two of you until Erica asked to schedule a meeting with you. She never really worried about anything considering your catering share of the wedding and if she did, she would normally call you. So you were curious as to why she was wanting to meet in person. When she entered your office, she had a blank expression on her face and you were quick to notice the way her brows were furrowing as if something was on her mind. You were surprised when the question fell from her lips. 

“Please be honest with me. From one woman to another, you and Mark. You weren’t just classmates, were you?” 

You began to chew on your bottom lip and took a deep breath in before responding. “Did he tell you something?” 

She shook her head. “No. That’s why I’m here, asking you. His dad told my dad that he thinks Mark is secretly seeing someone. Apparently Mark’s been in a very good mood lately and I couldn’t help but notice it happened right after our meeting. Please let me know if there’s anything going on between the two of you so that I can cancel this whole thing. I don’t know what your relationship is like, but I don’t want to go along with marrying him if someone else is in the picture.” 

You began nervously picking at your nails and couldn’t look at her in the eyes. Although you knew that her and Mark weren’t actually together, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. But you didn’t understand why. It’s not like you and Mark were seeing each other. The two of you were just friends. However, she did have a right to worry about Mark interacting with another woman, even if you weren’t together romantically. If word got out that he was having an affair, both his and her father’s companies would receive a lot of backlash. So you could see why she wanted to know. 

“Mark and I were in a relationship almost four years ago. But I promise you, there’s nothing going on between us. What he and I had was in the past. We’re friends, but that’s all we’re going to be. However, if you don’t want to go through with the wedding, do it for yourself. Mark told me about the arrangement. You shouldn’t have to get married to someone you don’t want to marry for the sake of your father’s company. You’re still so young, I’m sure there are many men out there—“ 

She frowned. “You don’t understand how this works do you? Our engagement is already out in the public. Hundreds of businessmen invested in to both our companies because of it. We can’t stop the wedding for no reason y/n. Mark and I may not be a couple and we both probably will never have whatever it is the two of you once had. But he and I both were groomed to take over our companies one day and we are both responsible for making decisions that will benefit our businesses. Whether we like it or not. I’m asking you now, for the sake of your business and ours. I didn’t want it to come to this, but I won’t hesitate to take your restaurant down if you do get in the way of our wedding. If you know what’s best for you, leave my fiancée alone. I’ve also decided that we will no longer be needing your services. Thank you for your time.” 

With that, she took her bag and stormed out of the room, leaving you speechless. You sank lower in to your seat and your heart felt as if it was going to jump out of your chest. Erica was a very polite woman, but hearing her threaten your restaurant made your blood boil. You had no intentions of getting in the way of her and Mark’s wedding and if anything, it was him who was instigating everything between the two of you. 

As much as you cared for Mark, if you continued being friends with him, both you and him would suffer the consequences. It wasn’t Erica that you were afraid of. She was all words, you knew she was just trying to scare you. You were however, afraid of what both her father and Mark’s father were capable of doing if they did find out about your friendship with your ex. You teared up at the thought of losing him again; you were getting used to his presence and having him around, now you were going to lose him permanently. However, that’s what was best for the two of you. You typed out multiple texts, letting him know that you could no longer be friends with him, but you found yourself deleting the messages all-together. 

You couldn’t do it, you couldn’t lose him. Then the thought of your restaurant, your employees and all that you’ve been through to get to where you were ran through your mind and that’s why you told Mark that you could not continue your friendship and that you were no longer going to be catering to his wedding. As soon as you sent the text, you sank to your knees and cried for what felt like hours. It seemed as if every time you cried at work, Mark was the reason. 

You heard a soft knock at the door and you were too distraught to ask whoever was knocking to leave you alone. When Jaebum made his way in to the room, it all felt like deja vu. Just a few months ago, he was consoling you over Mark coming back in to your life. Now here he was, rocking you back and forth at the thought of losing Mark. He didn’t say anything and continued to run his fingers through your hair as your tears kept flowing down your cheeks. When Jaebum realized that you were no longer heaving, he motioned for you to look up at him.

“It’s because of that guy Mark again isn’t it?” You shyly nodded in agreement and Jaebum sighed. “Does it have to deal with his engagement, or is it personal?” You began to contemplate telling him exactly what just went down between you and Erica just a few minutes ago. As your main sous chef and best friend, he had the right to know. 

“Erica no longer wants us to cater to their wedding and it’s because she thinks Mark and I are having an affair.” You could cut the tension in the air with a knife. You could feel Jaebum frown against your neck but you didn’t want to act upon it. 

“I know you y/n, you’re not the type of person to do something like that. Or at least that’s what I’d like to think. But is her assumptions true? Are you and Mark back together again?” You were quick to disagree. You didn’t think your friendship with Mark was going to get in the way of their marriage, but if Erica was willing to cut you off from catering to the wedding, then it was probably serious. After taking a few minutes to get yourself together, you explained everything to Jaebum. From the time you and Mark started dating, to the night of his parents anniversary. Then you updated him on how the two of you became friends again and he just sat there as you talked like the amazing listener he was. When he felt like you were done going in to detail about the mess you were in, he spoke up. 

“You don’t still have any feelings for him, do you?” He took your silence as your answer and released a frustrated sigh. He wasn’t upset with the fact that you gained feelings for your ex boyfriend. It was inevitable. No matter what happened between the two of you and no matter how long you’ve been apart from each other, you could never forget your first love. Just like you, Jaebum was afraid of taking things further with you just in case it didn’t work out between the two of you. 

He wanted you in his life whatever way he’d be able to have you, even if it meant just being your best friend. For the three years he’s known you for, there was always a part of you that you hid from the world, including himself. He knew something must’ve happened to you prior to becoming friends with you, but he never wanted to ask about it. Seeing the way you reacted right after your first meeting with Mark answered pretty much all of his questions and he knew that there was a chance you were still in love with Mark. Jaebum was there for you through it all. 

He’s seen you at your lowest points, and he’s been with you through your highest. He was completely aware that you were such a tough person with a good head on your shoulders. However, after seeing you so fragile, so broken over what had just happened made him worry that not even he could fix you.

“Y/n.” You looked up at him with the saddest look on your face and Jaebum swore his heart broke in that very moment. “If it’s meant to be, it will be. Okay? Love will always find a way. You said so yourself, they’re in an arranged marriage and he’s told you multiple times that he’s still in love with you. If he loves you like he claims he does, then he’ll do whatever he has to do to make things right. Even if it means finally standing up to his parents and backing out of the wedding. If he can’t do that, then it’s obvious he doesn’t deserve you. And I’m telling you right now, if he ends up breaking your heart again y/n, I won’t hesitate to kick his ass.” 

You giggled softly in to his chest before placing a chaste kiss there. You honestly don’t know what you’d do without Jaebum. Your life was so much easier with him in it. Once he felt like you were completely calmed down, he stood up and brought you up with him. He snickered at your tear stained face and placed some of your hair behind your ear. 

“Come on, put on your big girl shoes and let’s get cooking. The guys and I feel as if we hardly see you nowadays and I know Mr.CEO has a lot to do with it. I hope he knows that the six of us will always be your favorite men. I’m obviously the number one man in your life.” You playfully pinched his cheek and put your hair up while Jaebum helped you with your apron. 

You tried your best to focus on cooking and the jokes the guys kept making throughout the day, but you couldn’t help the fact that your mind kept wandering to Mark. Did he get your message? Did Erica talk to him? How did he feel when you told him you could no longer be apart of his life anymore? The day felt as if it was dragging on and you couldn’t wait for it to be over with. Luckily, many customers seemed to come in, giving you a chance to focus on something other than Erica and Mark. Once it was time to close, you made a beeline for your phone and frowned when you saw all the missed calls and text messages from Mark. 

You weren’t ready to hear what he had to say, so you shoved your phone in your bag and packed up your things in order to go home. As you were walking towards the kitchen, you felt a gentle tug on your wrist. 

“I know you’re probably going to overthink if you go home tonight and as much as you want to be by yourself, maybe it’s best if you slept over my place. Just for tonight. We could watch a movie and I’ll make you some ramen. I’ll even give you my favorite hoodie that you love so much. Please? I hate the thought of you suffering alone. We can even steal some ice cream from the freezer.” 

You smirked in response, causing his grin to widen. “Fine. You had me at your hoodie. And ramen. Thank you Jaebum. You’re truly amazing you know that?” He playfully wiggled his brows at you. 

“Oh I know. I’m a catch. I hope you know I wouldn’t do this kind of thing for anyone else. Jackson still complains that he has yet to see my apartment. You’re special y/n and you mean a lot to me.” You were sure he could see the blush that rose upon your cheeks, but he didn’t say anything as he took your bags and led you to his car. 

The drive to his place was quiet, other than the soft jazz playing on the radio; but you liked it. It was a peaceful and calming kind of silence. Most of your rides with Jaebum would consist of loud music as the two of you would sing along to at the top of your lungs, but Jaebum knew that’s not what you needed right now. Once he pulled in to his complex, he walked over to your side and helped you out. Sometimes, you found yourself wondering how your life would be like if you and Jaebum were to end up together. 

He was quite the gentleman, he knew exactly what to do to make you laugh and smile like an idiot, he took such good care of you and wanted nothing but the best for you. However, your heart always belong to Mark and over the years, you continued holding on to a tiny string of hope that he would come to his senses one day and finally choose you. 

After entering his apartment, he quickly made his way to his room to get you something to wear as you took your place on his couch. You decided against looking at your phone for the rest of the night just because you didn’t want to ruin your time with Jaebum. The thought of losing Mark permanently sent an upsetting feeling to your stomach and you were sure he was doing his best to get in touch with you in order to prevent you from doing so. But there wasn’t anything you could do. The ball was in his court now. If he wanted it to be different this time, it was all up to him. 

“Here. I got you some sweats too if that’s okay.” You smiled politely at him and followed him to the kitchen where he began cooking dinner for the both of you. The night was spent eating everything his fridge had to offer while watching the first three Star Wars movies. He pulled you close to him and had his arm wrapped around your shoulder throughout the entirety of the night. You’ve always felt so safe in Jaebum’s arms and you were afraid of how lost you’d feel if you no longer had him around. 

Everyone and their mothers knew that Jaebum harbored feelings for you, it was painfully obvious and the guys made it known almost every day. You were afraid that knowing you were trying to mend your relationship with Mark would only ruin your friendship with Jaebum. If you had to choose between the two of them, you know you’d choose Jaebum. 

Mark chose his family that night, but Jaebum always chose you no matter the circumstance. When you called him and asked him to come work for you, he already had many offers on the table from well known restaurants that he’s never told you about, but he agreed to you in a heartbeat. When his ex girlfriend at the time didn’t approve of his friendship with you and had him choose between you and her, he broke up with her the following morning. 

In the first month after your restaurant opening, you hardly had any customers and you were so embarrassed. You didn’t know what to do. It came to a point where you wanted to give it all up, but the man whose arms were currently wrapped around you never let you do so. Jaebum had always known you were destined for greatness. You were the most hard working and passionate person he knew; so he did his best to put your restaurant on the map by handing out fliers, putting ads online and even handing out free samples to people. It didn’t take long for customers to start coming in and no matter how many times you’ve thanked him for making your restaurant what it was, he made sure you knew it was all because of your talent and determination. 

Your heart cried for the older boy. You wished you could return the same feelings for him. However, even if Mark didn’t come back in to your life, you were sure a relationship between you and Jaebum wouldn’t blossom. The two of you have known each other for too long to put your friendship at risk if something negative were to happen. 

You didn’t even realize you fell asleep on his shoulder during revenge of the sith nor did you feel the soft kiss that was placed against your lips as he placed you gently on to his bed. When you woke up the next morning, it took you a few seconds to recognize where you were; but you’ve slept over Jaebum’s apartment countless times to know you were in his room. The navy blue bed sheets and cream walls suited him. So did the Bart Simpson poster on the wall. You made your way out in to the living room and frowned when you noticed he wasn’t there. It was then that you realized what time it was and began to freak out. Did you really sleep until 11:30? It was practically already lunch time and you were about to lose your mind until you noticed the post-it note waiting for you on the counter. 

“Hey, I’m not too sure when you’ll read this and knowing you, I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m home by the time you actually get up. I went to work. I didn’t want to wake you, you deserve a break after everything you’ve went through yesterday. I’ve prepared you some breakfast, it’s sitting in the microwave. You kept stealing all the blanket last night by the way, so you owe me one. Rest up and I’ll see you later. Have a nice rest of your morning..or afternoon.-JB” 

you smiled at his words before eating your breakfast and deciding to head back to your place. You didn’t want to take advantage of Jaebum’s generosity and you really wanted to take a shower. Since he was the one to drive you over to his place, you called for an Uber and patiently waited for it to arrive. 

In that moment, you took out your phone and finally began to read Mark’s texts and listened to the voicemails he left. As soon as you heard his muffled cries, you began tearing up yourself. He sounded extremely devastated. He had just gotten you back in to his life and he knew he was slowly gaining back your trust. There was no way he was going to lose you that easily. Mark knew what had to be done in order to win back your love completely and even if it took him years of being away from you and crying over you to come to this point, he was prepared to give up everything for you. 

His texts were filled with apologies but it seemed as if he didn’t know what to do either. There was no way he would stop being friends with you, but he too was afraid of what his father was capable of. Throughout the entire ride, you felt numb. You couldn’t think. Sure, you could beg and plead for Mark to leave you alone even if you both knew that’s not what you wanted. But you knew Mark, he wasn’t going to give up that easily. You just weren’t sure of what he had planned or how far he was willing to go for you. 

After the driver dropped you off to your building, it took all your energy to drag your body to the elevator. Your fingers hovered over his contact multiple times. It was selfish of you and you knew that you’d only make things worse by trying to reach out to him after telling him to leave you alone. However, the slumped figure that was sitting on your welcome mat made your head spin. Not knowing how long he’s been waiting there for, you found yourself running towards him and he was quick to lift his head up at the sound of your shoes against the concrete. 

Once his eyes landed on yours, he got up from his spot on the ground and didn’t hesitate to pull you in his arms. You felt so relieved yet extremely nervous to see him. What was he doing there? Was he not afraid of the consequences if Erica were to find out he continued to stay in contact with you? You felt tears against your neck as his grip on your waist only tightened. 

“Mark, what are you doing here? How long have you been waiting for?” You opened the door to your apartment and pulled him in, not noticing that he had yet to respond. Before you could ask any more questions walk any further, he turned you to face him and hesitantly brought his hand up to your cheek. “Mark—“ when you felt his lips against yours, it’s as time stopped and the room began to spin in slow motion. 

You knew it was wrong, but you’ve missed the sensation of his lips on yours. It felt so foreign, yet all too familiar and you didn’t realize how much you craved the taste of his lips until you deepened the kiss. Things began getting hot and heavy between the two of you, after not having each other like this in so long your bodies were reacting desperately and hearing his sweet moans sent warmth to your core. Unfortunately, red flags began to go off in your mind, causing you to pull away. He knew you were confused by the dazed look on your face so before you could say anything, he spoke up. 

“I quit today.” You looked up at him in shock. What exactly did he mean? He giggled at your blank expression before stealing one more kiss. 

“I’m assuming Erica confronted you and threatened you. She told me she went to see you and I knew something was up when she said she was no longer in need of your services. She began to belittle you and said rude things about you and I couldn’t take it so I stormed out of the conference room at her dad’s company and made my way to my family’s company. That’s also around the same time I got your messages and I was pissed. I know I don’t deserve it; I don’t deserve you, but I just got you back in my life. This is the happiest I’ve been in a really long time. There’s no way I was going to lose you again. Not if there was anything I could do about it. I made my way up to my dad’s office and let my heart do the talking. I told him I was resigning and refused to go on with the wedding.” 

He smiled gently at you and playfully booped your nose. “I chose you, something I should’ve done three years ago. My dad was furious and even started cussing at me. I’m pretty sure I’m disowned by my family now, but I don’t care. You’re all the family that I could ever need. I know, you probably think I’m insane for doing something so abrupt and not putting more thought in to it and I did it without even knowing how you feel. I don’t know whether or not you’d want to be with me. I can only hope and pray that you’ll take me back. Even if you decide that it’s too late for us, I don’t regret my decision one bit. In choosing you, I also chose myself. I don’t know why I allowed the wedding plans to get this far. I just felt like I deserved it I guess.”

He gently placed his forehead against yours and grazed your wrist with his thumb. “The thought of you made me realize that I’m so much more than what my parents want me to be. As much as I hated not having you in my life, maybe we needed this. I mean, I needed it. I learned my lesson. I’m a grown ass man, I have the right to make my own decisions. Even if it means going against my parent’s wishes. There’s so many opportunities I missed out on because it wasn’t something they would’ve been proud of. But I don’t give a shit about what they want anymore. It took me years to come to the realization that they couldn’t give two shits about my happiness yet I was so willing to do anything and everything they asked of me. I wanted to be the perfect son and I lost both you and myself in the process. Fucked up isn’t it?” 

You could feel him tense up at the thought of all he’s been through and you found yourself gently caressing his arms in attempts to calm him down. “You don’t have to say anything, I know it’s a lot to take in. It was a lot for me. I came here as soon as I left the company. I needed to see you and tell you everything. I’m screwed, honestly. I don’t have a college degree nor do I have much experience, but that’s not my main focus right now. I’ll worry about all of that later. You. You’re all that matters right now. I’m all yours if you’ll have me y/n. I can’t give you much. I can no longer provide for you in the ways that I used to be able to. But I can give you my mind, body, heart and soul. I’ll support you, care for you, love you. Do whatever you need me to do. I’ll be whatever you need me to be. I built thick skin during the time we were apart. I truly believe that God, for whatever reason that I will be forever grateful for, brought us together again and I couldn’t let you get away this time. I love you y/n and I’m sorry. I know that my apologies probably don’t mean anything to you, but I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you that I’m deserving of you and your love. That you’re all I could ever dream of. I’m going to do whatever I can to gain your trust again. We’ll take things at your pace y/n, that is if you decide you’re willing to come back to me.” 

For months after your breakup, you found yourself crying and getting drunk almost every single day in order to prevent your mind from wandering to him. It took you almost an entire year to come to terms with your breakup. You tried your best to lie to yourself, telling yourself that you hated him. That he was never man enough for you. That you deserved better. You made a promise to yourself that if Mark were to ever come back and beg you to return to him, you wouldn’t give in. 

However, the handsome man standing in front of you was different than the boy who failed to put you before his family. He was more mature, he finally realized his worth and no longer cared about what anyone other than you had to think about him. It took a long time, but you were over the moon to hear his sudden confession. You were glad he was aware that you deserved better. But you didn’t want better. You wanted Mark. For as long as time would permit you to have him for. Seeing the way he was looking at you with so much love and admiration in his gaze is the reason you found yourself reconnecting your lips together. You could only hope that he could feel the love you had for him through the kiss and as he smiled against the corner of your lips, you knew your message was received. 

“I love you too Mark. So much. I wish I could say I stopped, only because I was so upset with you. But I never stopped and I know I never will. You own this pathetic heart of mine. I know I deserve better, but I also know that you’re not the same person you were three years ago. I’m so proud of you for building up the courage and putting your foot down. God, you have such a way with words. I really don’t know how to respond to all of that. I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry you had to sacrifice practically your entire life for me, but I’m extremely happy you did. Like you said, you didn’t do it just for me, you did it for yourself too. I know it will be hard for you to start from scratch, but you’ve never failed to make me proud in all that you’ve accomplished. I’m sure you’ve gained a lot of knowledge working at the company. You could go to college and get your degree in architecture and maybe even start your own company. I’ll be by your side the entire time and I’ll help you in any way possible.” 

You smiled up widely at him and giggled when you saw tears form at his eyes. “You were always so sensitive, come here my crybaby.” You brought him towards your living room and laid on your couch, brining him down with you. He placed his head against your chest and began leaving soft kisses along your jaw. 

“You’re perfect, you know that? Thank you for taking me back baby. You won’t regret it.” To your dismay, he got up off of you and as you were about to complain about the loss of warmth, he threw you over his shoulder and playfully slapped your cute little butt. 

“Mark! What are you doing?!” He laughed as he made his way to what he thought was your bedroom. 

“Three years. I went three years without you and your beautiful body. I haven’t had sex in three years y/n, I’m sure I could be considered a born again virgin. I’m sex deprived, hell, I don’t even know if this thing still works. Give it a try babe. Don’t look at me like that. We have a lot to make up for, so be prepared. Why don’t you take out all your built up anger you’ve built up over the years and dom me princess—OW. Yes, I love the aggressiveness—okay I don’t find that kinky at all—will you stop that?” He threw you down on your bed and jumped on top of you. Your hands made their way in to his hair and gently tugged on it, earning yourself an erotic moan. 

Mark began leaving kisses all around your face before making his way down towards where you needed him the most. As he began nipping and sucking on your chest, he suddenly pulled away, earning himself a glare. However, his next words made your cheeks warm. “Thank you for coming back to me baby. This is only the beginning of our forever. Aw babe, don’t start getting emotional on me now. I was just seconds away from eating your pretty pussy and fucking your brains out—okay. You’re definitely gonna get it.” 

Before he could go any further, you cupped his chin with your fingers and made eye contact with him. “I love you Mark Tuan.” He kissed you passionately, as if his life depended on it before grinding himself in to your thigh. “I love you more y/n. Don’t you ever forget it.”