#i mean maybe if i have friends emotionally support me through it again lol

[merchantarthurn]

so i'm in a zone of temporarily unmedicated for adhd and the only thing i can reliably focus on are the sorts of Sudden, Unavoidable Problems that aren't really sustainable for motivation (unless i'm alright with my heart popping)

turns out Cazador Fight Music elicits such a sense memory of stress it's basically adderall to me. i've sent so many emails in the last hour. i'm so powerful.... unmatched in my emailing prowess.... one might even say ascendant--

[lilacstro]

messages from someone(channeled messages pac)

hey, I wanted to post a pac for a while, so i did haha. It was hard to decide what topic should it be on, so i decided delivering messages from people who would want to come through, hoping it resonates

lmao all three piles were so different than one another, I enjoyed doing this tho. I hope you could resonate with this <3 leave suggestions and feedback in the comment or asks :) remember its a general reading and you dont have to take it if it doesnt feel right :) i love you :)

decks used: cupid says oracle, biddy tarot deck

pile 1 pile 2 pile 3

support me on ko-fi :)

Pile 1

this doesnt seem to be a romantic pile specifically, feels like someone who you felt like family with, a sister, a female best friend or mother coming through, did they betray you in some way? doing something behind your back to pull you down, maybe criticizing something you wanted do or create. someone who could have cut you off or blown up on you for putting your side of feelings forward, some kind of argument could have occurred too. could be someone who thought you are doing to well, or, going after what you want, was too ambitious or man like? could be jealousy infact. Could be that they didnt intend to do so maybe? maybe it was heat of the moment? take what resonates. I see them wanting to come forward and apologize so much. Someone who is ready to rebuild what was gone, and take things forward with you, especially apologizing and creating a new emotional start, probably meaning wanting to leave everything that has happened in the past, It is in their heart to give you an apology, they might even have nightmares about it, they know they have to do it sooner or later and they have this realization. They want to take a quick-impulsive action too. They just know they have to do it. If its been a while, this person seems ready to come forward very soon.

channeled messages: I am confused this isnt a phase it still hurts i love you more take a leap its getting very dark and cloudy as i am reading this pile.

Pile 2

awww this feels like someone who has a crush on you. I was feeling very anxious while reading this pile trying to make meaning out of the cards even before they fell out or the spread was complete. So they might be overthinking everything(thats so cute) Also, as soon as i finished laying this deck down, the sun came back again lol.

This feels someone who you are either dating or wants to date you. Some possible scenarios I am getting are (since this is a general reading) being in an online/long distance connection or you might have not met this person yet, or atleast even if you know them they definitely seem at a little distance from you, even emotionally. Could also be cultural differences.

This person feels like someone who is walking away from something in their life. Going into the unknown, starting something new. Apart from this, they definitely want to start something with you, slowly even if its small, I see confidence issues here, feeling of not being good enough. This person wants to give you queen treatment pile 2 , but i feel they have this subconscious belief of wanting to be better, to be able to provide for you and give you what you deserve. Some of them might also be thinking what other people might think, they just dont want you to suffer with them in any way, they want the best for you before they can come forward to you. Financial stability is major here, maybe you or them have experiences or wounds around it. This person definitely is giving this a lot of time and serious thought

Channeled messages: I think about us a lot Make me believe(yeah man ig you need to because this person is very hard on themselves for even if they deserve you) I am yours the time is now

Pile 3

Ok so this feels like someone who has unfinished business with you, This screams to be a ex lover but could be a situationship/toxic old friend. Someone who is up at night thinking about how they couldnt give you what you deserved, not realising they slept on their chance to do that. I see it is someone you had a lot of love for, maybe you expected that the love was reciprocated but it rather caused you some kind of heartbreak. Some possible scenarios coming through are someone who probably left you without explanations, making you rely on other people for help or information, or someone who acted on what their friends or family told them to do instead or someone that caused you some kind of shame in front of people, making you some kind of "gossip topic" in the end. It could even be that you or them heard something from other people that could have caused trouble. Number 3 might be significant to someone, it was coming up a lot. Third party? 3 friends? 3 chances? March? could be, but its a general reading so take what you only believe could be confirmation

This ending could have been very fast and hurried and unexpected as well. It could be that this person chose you over thrill and enjoyment in their life, OR they were over committed to two things at once, both of which needed their time and passion. They were struggling to create a balance is what I see. This person has so much to say to you its insane, they think and reflect on this a lot. But I see this person isn't ready to take the fight as such, they have so much to say to you, so much apology for not being able to give this what it deserved, yet they are afraid of coming forward and saying what they have to, They keep on thinking and wishing, I wish I could, not realizing they are literally sleeping on their chance to do so. What a weird person lol

However what I see is this person making a choice, and a plan, to do something. I wonder how fast is that going to be because i see so much pain and doubt in this person, they don't really feel that you would take this. But I still see them contemplating and making some plan. Could be you have gone through similar some cycles with this person. You could have been hurt yet compassionate to this person it seems yet very uproar and mad and visibly upset about it (understandable tbh) In such readings I am adamant to say that they love you, because this absolutely isnt love imo, Its called guilt tripping and gaslighting but your situation might be diff. However if anyone loves you, they would not be so wishy washy and "oh I wish..." about it, They would just not want to lose you, even the second they knew or even had a realization. These kinds people irk me tbh. They do miss you a lot (more like seems the fun with you but whatever) though and do hope for a second chance. They somehow even find you even more attractive/addictive and dont seem to be over of what has went down yet.

Channeled messages: I want you you are incredible do you know that what do you want from me i can help it i feel so guilty lets go on an adventure have I been here before? feels like deja vu we need to talk

[desperatelyseekingcannibals]

Hannibal? Meeting Mads at RDC6

Following on from meeting Hugh in Boston and gifting him a copy of Adapt. Evolve. Become: The Genderqueer Fandom of NBC's Hannibal, I wanted to gift a copy to Mads.

No disrespect to Mads, but I wasn't expecting (and didn't get) the same sort of interaction I had with Hugh. I've met Mads at many cons before, including one in 2018 right before I had top surgery where I had a lovely chat with him about queer and trans Fannibals.

But I've noticed over the years, including from accounts of other Fannibals too, that he's become much more guarded in his conversations. Which is fair, his star has been forever on the rise and he's been working for bigger studios and properties. But as a trans person, I am always very cautious when people become much less vocal about something they previously seemed to support - though I do acknowledge that some people just don't want to get dragged into what they see as a volatile issue. And I knew, given how much more stoic he's become, and the time limitations of signings at cons, that this would be the case regardless of his personal point of view.

Also (and I've mentioned this before in posts about his answers on con panels), Mads has a habit of just saying what he thinks people want to hear, and what will get the biggest reaction - he's a master at fanservice. Which even includes repeating the same stories (Fragile Little Teacup for example). Which again, is not a criticism, but an observation and another reason why I was pretty nervous about meeting him again. And that was BEFORE a couple of different Fannibals approached me with concerns that some of the things he'd said at RDC6 hinted that he might be making a movie that may include a trans character in an unflattering way. (I'm still on the fence about whether that was his meaning, but I'm glad I'm already pretty emotionally divorced from him since he did FB).

ANYWAY! I had talked with the fantastic wholeanddeadly before the event and we agreed on getting his brilliant "F**k transphobia Grindelwald" art print signed in order to auction it for trans charity (in fact we ended up getting two!). As we knew in advance we would be doing this, I wanted to let Mads know, because I don't feel right auctioning something without someone's knowledge if we had already made that plan.

So, this is what happened:

I was maybe third of forth in the queue (which was huge), so this was going to be a whistle stop and I'd thought carefully how to frame it and use my words wisely. So I walked up and he said "Hello, Sir!"

Which, thanks! (always love getting correctly gendered!)

I asked "May I give you a gift", and he said "Yes, of course!"

Whilst I was getting the book out of my back I told him that I met him in 2018 right before I had gender affirming surgery and he was very kind to me. His response was along the lines of "Oh yeah?"

I continued to tell him that since then, I have been involved a lot with of the trans and non-binary Fannibals and we made this book because of what the show means to us. He took it and flicked through and stopped at some of the art and admired it. He asked if it was just about Hannibal, and I said yes because I totally blanked in the moment, so the HEU stuff will be a nice surprise for him, lol.

Then the art print got passed over by his helper and I said I didn't want him to personalise the photo as I wanted to auction it to a charity that supports trans youth if he's OK with that. And he replied "you can do anything you like with it, man." I said thanks, and we were all done.

Whilst on the surface this was all good, I was definitely struck by the difference between this and times I'd met him before (especially in 2018). And perhaps it was just down to him being more guarded, but it felt very... standoffish. Which is fine, it is what it is.

The funniest thing is that Mads often signs the characters name on the things he signs, and the one we already had signed the day before via a friend, he didn't put the character name on it. On the one he signed for me, he did: Hannibal.

I saw him hesitate part way through signing the name but it just made me chuckle at the potential that this character meant so little to him he didn't recall his name and then the next day confused him for another character - Trans Rights Wizard Hannibal!

Anyway. I hope he reads the book. I hope he gets something out of it. I hope he's not making a transphobic movie.

And I hope you'll all check out @transhanniday on here (and on Twitter), where the two signed prints and some other bits will be going up for auction soon! The proceeds will be going to UK trans youth charity Mermaids, the same charity that Deadly supported with his original art prints.

[reilleclan-blog]

The Duality of Love in Cyberpunk 2077

I find it interesting how a decent amount of ppl compare Songbird and V to Johnny and Alt's relationship b/c of them being netrunners and V and Johnny both defying big authoritative figures to save someone they love. Or care for(usually when I say the word love I mean care for) anyways. Which I agree but I started to think of Rogue and Johnny's relationship.

Johnny was straight up cruel to Rogue maybe their relationship wasn't the best or they had other "terms" during their relationship but for the most part, Johnny was not a "good lover". He cheated on Rogue I think Alt as well? And yeah he was mostly selfish throughout their relationship. Even though in the game Alt says "Johnny can alter his memories" it's funny how V is still shown how much a bastard Johnny is. Not like he ever tried to hide it really.

But, so Johnny showed Rogue time and time again that he was a "bad person" or specifically a "bad lover" but everytime Johnny had some bullshit cooked up he always went to Rogue for help. Even when Rogue protested against the things they did, she still decided to help him through and through. Also during the raid on arasaka(ending) with Rogue, Johnny can leave Wayland(to basically die) Rogue gets upset at Johnny but (in a way still sounds like how she did in the past) rages at him but still fights with/for him. Later on Johnny will blame Smasher for Wayland's death (but if he had helped Wayland, he wouldn't have died)

Basically, Rogue put up so much bullshit to help Johnny no matter what it was. Interesting way to be loved/show ur love. Rogue was emotionally manipulated but still always put her life on the line to help Johnny. And he was probably the last person she should've helped but she did it anyways out of love or eddies?(mostly love). But with V and Song, Song lies to V(Song is betraying V's trust) and at the same time, V can do the same thing to Songbird BUT they both still had the choice to protect one another. Whether it was V still sending Songbird to the moon or Songbird still deciding to protect V from dying by some Raging AI. Johnny just takes and takes and even 50years later he's "changed" but can still be a fucking bastard in the end and Rogue pays the price. Diving in head first to save someone she loves. And possibly redeem herself as well.

And Johnny rushing into arasaka Tower to "save" Alt, I honestly felt like he did it for Alt but genuinely it was more for his ego? Rogue calls him out on it? And I think I agree. He could never let shit go, and in a way it felt like Alt's death was used as an excuse to blow shit up(taking shit to the extreme or to prove to himself that he was worth arasaka's time💀). I have no doubt in my mind he loved Alt but did he love her the "right" way, never. It made me think what if Johnny wasn't such an asshole and he decided to pay attention to his gf could she have actually ASKED for his help.

He claimed Songbird only got to the moon cause of "luck" but really she had support SOMEONE THAT LOVED HER AND BELIEVED IN HER. Helping, If only he could've been there for Alt maybe both of them could've had a "happier" ending. Songbird had V with her to the very end. Whereas Alt was alone and Johnny was too.

-

Idk I might've been all over the place with this but I really wanted to talk about it. I love this series so hopefully no one takes this shit to heart lol I'm just saying. I wonder. Uhh take care

I didn't know what to title this, maybe I'll change it. Edit: The Duality of love in cyberpunk? (Is that a good title?) asking for a friend if anyone has an enny to spare , I'm seeking financial assistance ty

[deansmom]

listen it’s 2021, nobody can yell at me for my Hot Takes on the w*nchester bros and specifically sam because none of you care about me anymore lmao

and no, I will not be responding to defenses of these things, I just want to yell about this because I can’t stop thinking about it now

I don’t think anything demon!dean said to sam was out of line, not really, because like yeah, it was mean whatever, but sam has said WAY crueler things to and about dean when he was just a normal human person. but dean gets crucified for being a demon and fully expressing himself and his trauma and his feelings? nah fuck that lmao

I’m up to s8 in my rewatch and it’s absolutely wild to me how sam STILL thinks he’s better than dean. not only does he still somehow think he’s smarter, but he also thinks he’s BETTER than dean. that dean’s like, a bad person or whatever - as if both of them aren’t mass murderers ffs

this mans really said “I don’t know if my brother is alive or dead...... hm sucks for him I guess lol.” like yeah, sure, trauma, whatever. everybody handles and processes trauma differently, I know, but seriously sam??? sure, take a couple months if you need it, but just - no effort? didn’t even try? didn’t even do a quick google search? 

just fucking ditched kevin, a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD KID, and then got mad at dean when dean was like “dude wtf is the matter with you this kid was our responsibility” 

fandom ALWAYS wants to talk about how dean’s the more toxic one but damn, dean gets one friend - his first friend who isn’t cas!!! - and sam’s like “lmao this dude has to die” LITERALLY ONLY BECAUSE DEAN KILLED AMY, WHO WAS KILLING INNOCENT PEOPLE (for a good reason, sure, but like, she was still killing innocent people and benny’s out here just minding his own business, stealing AB- negative blood because they can get blood transfusions from any negative blood type!! his old ass wasn’t hurting anybody) and the episode before sam finds out about benny they let kate go be a werewolf and then when dean mentions that to sam about benny he’s like “so?! she was a victim!” and he’s like “and benny hasn’t done anything wrong!” and sam just doesn’t give a shit lmao

he ALWAYS bitches about how dean doesn’t trust him and I’m just sitting here like??? damn bro I WONDER FUCKING WHY. sam only takes responsibility for his actions when it’s convenient for him, generally when he’s being portrayed as the victim, and it!!!!!! [screams into a pillow]

dean’s like “he’s never given me a reason to doubt him” (about benny) and sam immediately goes “well it must be nice to find that” and dean takes a second to figure out what sam’s talking about and it’s just like WOW, didn’t fucking mean it like that, but yeah IT IS NICE SAM TO HAVE A FRIEND THAT THUS FAR HASN’T BETRAYED ME, IT’S A GOOD FEELING like tf is the matter with you dude come on

OH OH OH and when dean came back from hell in s4 sam’s going around like “dean’s weak he can’t handle it” but doesn’t try to help his brother?????? doesn’t offer him emotional support or validation or anything that you should offer someone who’s just been through something profoundly traumatic and is ~*~struggling~*~ to keep themselves afloat. 

listen dean certainly isn’t an unproblematic saint in this relationship specifically, but sam is SO MEAN??? ALL THE TIME??? and I know it’s because especially in the early seasons he associates dean with his dad and him and john never got along because they were too much alike, blah blah blah, whatever,  it’s still not cool to project your trauma onto other people and take it out on them. 

will I ever be over 9.13? no. no I will not, because that was the cruelest thing that could have maybe ever been said to dean, and yeah again, trauma, whatever, but like......... if you’ve been traumatized and your response is to purposefully emotionally devastate someone that you know 1) had no malicious intentions and 2) is emotionally unstable and perpetually suicidal, I’m allowed to hate you wtf??? 

sam knows NOTHING about his brother. 

like ok in the fic that I’ve been writing somebody was like “it’s very in character but edgier but dean didn’t hate john” and listen, I TRULY think that dean hated him in canon. yeah, even in s1. watch 2.01 again, watch the episode where john is possessed by azazel, the dream root episode, I think it’s 12.22 that speech with mary, but like, especially on my rewatch, I cannot read their relationship as anything other than at that point neither one of them liked each other. something happened in between sam leaving and dean coming to get him, and dean went searching for john out of obligation and an excuse to see sam. 

you can’t convince me that john liked dean. of course he loved him, a familial obligation was deeply ingrained in that man, but I don’t think he liked dean at all. I think dean reminded him of mary, I think he thought dean was too soft, and to be completely honest, I don’t think he liked that dean listened to him so easily. john wanted to be in charge, obviously, but he’s such an antagonistic fuck always looking for a fight with somebody, that it probably bothered him that dean didn’t really push back. john didn’t think he was assertive enough, dean just didn’t want to be used as a punching bag, and I’ve always figured there was some sort of blowout after sam left between the two of them and they didn’t really talk much after that. “it was the worst night of my life” is what dean called the night sam left for stanford, and while his little brother leaving would’ve been devastating, I don’t think that alone would qualify it (in season 5, mind you, after hell and the hellhounds and everything) as the worst night of his life. I also think that’s why john was such a POS in s1 when they found him, giving dean shit for the impala, y’know. god, I really fucking hate him lmao

nobody seems to agree with me on this, but sam is very much his father’s son, and that’s why they never got along. the two of them were so much alike (and so self-centered) that they couldn’t help but butt heads together because they both wanted to be the center of attention, and also just enjoy picking fights. and like, I think this is a big reason why dean has a harder time being honest with sam than sam has with being honest with dean. because dean sees john when he looks at sam, and sam just sees dean. and sam’s like “why don’t you talk to me dean” and dean probably just hears his dad making fun of him for being honest or talking about his feelings or yelling at him. 

familial/generational trauma genuinely makes it hard to interact in meaningful and productive ways, I get it, believe me I do, but sam is just so... cruel sometimes? and I think dean really worked his way through a solid portion of that trauma by the end of the show, and I don’t think sam ever really did.

Dean: All right, you want to be honest? If the situation were reversed and I was dying, you'd do the same thing.

SAM [very softly]: No, Dean. I wouldn't. Same circumstances...I wouldn't. I'm gonna get to bed.

see, when I say sam is cruel, this is the shit I’m talking about because that is a bald faced lie and sam knows it. he said it specifically to hurt dean. he didn’t mean it, and he fucking knows that, but he knows that it will devastate dean to hear that, so he says it. 

anyways, sam fights dirty all the time. it’s 2024 now and I have no notes for past me, she was right. 

[wyrmskulls]

I havnt recovered from the Caz fight yet. BUT

here are some genuine thoughts on Astarion from my- knew nothing of baldurs gate before playing run: (from me the Ace with no sense of self preservation)

"Oh great a sexy vamp man- bet friend XYX is all over that, they are romanceable, right? like dragon age?"🧛‍♂️

".... that 'don't touch me' sounded too real.... hope im wrong"

" I mean if we are cool with Shar worshippers and devil pacts why not a vamp, join the club buddy."

"he is a cagey little fuck I think I'll go after him this play through love his little faces"

"I'm not into pain, thinking this was a bad choice" chains and whips to not excite Tav XD

"I mean maybe it's the years of slavery and not sexual trauma???" 🙏

"noooo, I mean of course the sexy vamp wants to fuck, I probly have to- to get more of his story...." proceed to worry stupidly about unskippable sex scenes and noises for no reason (you can press x any time to get to the next thing / dialog)

get propositioned again at party.... "maybe this relationship won't work out, he's way to thirsty least there wasn't another sex scene lol dun worry buddy, I'll help you murder that guy that hurt you, just can't keep up with the horny XD"

"so I just feed him bad guys and tell him he is pretty? yup that checks out"

act 2

Start working on wyll, he seems like a cool guy... "whoa bud, is this you first romance scene.... by saying yes to a dance... feels icky cause I know sex happens at some point, like some entitled jerk at a bar, least astarion was real upfront about it" ( in hind sight this was unfair to wyll, but everyone was being so horny and the only scene I had was astarions so I drew some incorrect conclusions with wyll being a 'good guy' asshole)

"I mean we has evidence that deals with devils are bad.... or is it demons... anyways I support you in a friend way, getting raphel to Facebook stalk your abuser to make sure he not still pineing after you is OK with me."

Got his Act 2 scene "OHNooooooo I was right it was a sexual trauma 'don't touch me....' ohhhh noooooo. he didn't wanna fuck either????? baby boy, you never gotta sex again if you dun wanna, we can hug forever!" cried a while ngl

"look here blood witch- no means no, if your house wasn't destroyed, I'd destroy it myself."😈

"i mean he said he kills kids, so it's ok to kill him, then raphy boy will tell us if you back is bad news or really bad news <3"

"It's really bad news..... so no big astarion lover of cuddles l, will help you kill the guy who ruined your life. that's what romantic partners do. we kiss and nothing else and I will murder people to keep doing that <3" pondering an evil play through honesly

"he was so upset when Tav died in battle.... like doesn't he know rez scrolls are a thing? it's ok Tavs gonna live forever.... not sure how we will figuer that out" researches dnd lore to find several solutions XD

"Gale bud. friend. pal. I care about you and your life. your ex is shitty for asking you to do this, but also if you do blow up you'll take us all with you.... and even if you don't, #1 priority over there will be back under vamp thrall so this is a no go, put your shirt back on."🙃

act 3

found a cliff in the camp before act 3 with a song that made me cry again it is for sure astarions "wtf dude I was emotionally stable now what have you done"

"circus lady, here are all my loves deepest secrets- oh no she's a shapeshifter???? oops, it's ok love we will kill her too why not" No one can know how hurt you are but meeeeeee 😋

"a statue of my boyfriend in camp don't mind if I do~☆ aww now he has a halo so everyone can see he is a good boy who totally doesn't cause me to murder people and would never murder anyone himself" 😇

"Astarion NO, we are not gonna kill a bunch of other spawn just cause you are scared. I get it, and you don't have time for therapy but trust me that not gonna feel great in a few hundred years"

"ooooo blood bitch is back and you fucked up. look at this boy standing up for himself - yes that's right take us to your private house so we can kill you at our leisure.... man oh man I used to have morals now I got Astarion."

*****

and now I'm tired XD

[dearweirdme]

Hi there! Thank you so much for the kind response to my lengthy ask earlier. You did not invalidate my feelings. Maybe this is all I need, someone to talk to. 😭 It's been really a tough couple of days for me, and I don't understand why. I'm confused mostly. I don't understand why I am so deeply invested and affected by this issue. Probably it's cause I woke up in the middle of the night, after only a roughly 4-hour sleep , to a chaotic twitter timeline! It was too much for me. I'm usually emotionally strong, but waking up to those videos and photos, taekookers denying it, taennies and jikookers celebrating, tae's biggest fanbases giving their all-out support without questioning the veracity of those videos and photos, and running high on hormones since I had my period back then, really got the best of me. lol. I was in denial at first, but, they looked too real to be just a mere rumor. Honestly though, I was still 10% waiting for the company and even Tae to deny it. lol. It's impossible, I know. I'm pretty certain that they won't react to it again, just like what they did last year. It's real now. We just have to live up to it. Whether it was a PR stunt, or it was Tae's idea to come out, guess we will never know. I'm coming to terms with it already. Still a little hurt coz damn! It's been a whole damn year that we've been trying to debunk those photos! lol

I know I don't have the right to feel betrayed since Tae is not responsible for how I feel, but I wish he came clean from the onset. It wasn't his responsibility to come clean, i know, but I wish, I dunno, I expected too much I guess. Guess majority of our heartaches comes from our own expectations. This is a lesson for me. I'm too attached to our boys, which I shouldn't be. I expend most of my waking moments with BTS for the past 5 years. Maybe it's time to lay low. It's affecting my personal life now. It's unhealthy. Also, what I feel is also because I've created this whole scenario of how BTS are. Guess we really don't know them after all. You are right, I need a social media break. It's messing with my head.

I'm sorry I'm ranting to you now. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. My IRL friends wouldn't understand my feelings, and I'm so thankful that you were so kind and you understood exactly how I feel. In a 3rd person POV, what I'm going through now seems ridiculous, but I'm glad you understood me completely. My thoughts are a bit of a mess, so I'm just putting everything out here. Thank you for reading and responding so kindly. You don't know how much it helped me.

To the anon who said I was sltshming jennie, sorry it came off that way, but we see her videos and photos partying, so, in my own perspective, she's a bit carefree, wild, maybe that's what Tae's into. lol.

Again, thank you so much for this. Please let me camp in your inbox for a little bit more.

Hi again!

You are very welcome in my inbox, always. I understand completely how overwhelming things can be. When I was somewhat younger, I tended to get consumed by things also. I have done some deep diving into my own character and learned how to manage my emotions better. But I very well remember what it can feel like.

Fandom can be the source of great happiness, but also the source of great distress. Especcially when it comes to Army and BTS I feel. Both army and BTS pride themselves for having a strong connection. It is wonderfull really, but it can also be harmfull when something big happens. One of my personal favorite songs is Pied Piper (I mean come on, that one performance!) and I find the message of that song so strong and insightfull. It is at the same time any band or artists intention to lure in fans and to make them feel connected, but also that deep feeling of connection is what makes people cross mental, physical, or societal boundaries. I think it is something the members have struggled with a lot. And now, part of fandom is struggling a lot, because we feel connected to Tae and this is not what we expected of him.

I too was surprised by this. Did not see it coming at all. Fandom has been really tough (my inbox has only yesterday kind off stopped getting anonymous hate). People rile each other up, everyone want to be heard, everyone wants to get to the bottom of this. Uncertainty is a b*tch. Humans (and probably all living creatures) are not wired to deal with uncertainty. It's biologically speaking very logical. Safety is our basic instinct, and uncertainty goes against that. One might argue that this doesn't go for fandom situations, but to so many of us fandom is our safe place... so when something big like this happens, we feel less safe. Even if it doesn't logically make sense. You feel unsafe anon. You will start feeling safe again when you realise there is no actual danger.

Twitter is hot mess on any normal day, so on days like the last ones it completely unhinged. I only go there on occasion to see if there is any real news, but other than that... big nope. Too many people fighting for attention and a few seconds of social media fame. My safe place right now is Yoongi, I just love that man to pieces. So when I feel myself getting too caught up in things, I take myself away for a bit and settle down.

Know that most feelings are temporary. You will feel better in a week. Who knows what will happen next, might shift your whole perspective on this again.

Hope to hear from you again.

[laur1221]

Hello, how are you!? Hopefully fine. Okay so before i began my reading I also want to just say that I'm still a beginner so pardon me if anything's wrong and let me know through feedback so I can improve. All of this is based on institution!!

My question is-> How would the first meeting with my fs be like!?

I'm Jasmine, capricorn-sun, virgo-moon and Taurus-rising. She/her intrested in men.

Also i sense a man here but if you are interested in women i apologise you can tell me and I'll redo everything again just incase..!!

𐙚༉‧₊˚- A little aesthetic infound related to you...

Okay for your answer, idk why i felt that you've already met him!? Might actually be even in a relationship but doesn't has to be tbh but i sensed that he's already in your life and you might've met him in school or college or it could also also be that you'll meet his at a music consert!? Idk why like some sortvof festival came to my mind or somewhere out like when you are hanging out with your friends i guess. There could be attraction from both end in the first meeting only like he just gets your vibe and you get his, i think he'd be masculine physically and emotionally femine means he doesn't seem the arrogant type of men, like someone who's intouch with their emotions and aren't afraid to show them. I don't really see any toxic masculinity here, rather calm , collected, and like he just loves you a lot. He might also like spoiling you like getting you out to shopping, and all. I also sense out of both of you, you are more fashionable and put efforts on how you look like idk why the game "dress to impress" was coming to my mind lol so maybe you might like layering your outfits or just love wearing girly, y2k clothes in general, especially light colours and pink!? Like you put efforts in how you look, you might like doing makeup, and dressing up, also i sense that you could be a lot of extroverted than he is!? You could have grown up near aa water body or might have a thing for beaches!? I was also getting something about texas or Los Angeles, California. Also it seems like fashion is important to you, you might like to have peaceful life with your lover, i don't really see you wanting to he in a City tbh i see much more greenery and also he seems very much like take carw of himself not maybe after you coming into his life hhe might have a more glowup or take more care of themselves than they already were. He seems soft-spoken. I also sense they might've been with shy on their first meet or were just like adoring and listening to you..i do sense some type of glances of love like you are speaking and he's looking like she's so pretty and just a very calm vibe. I also think you'd be each other bestfriends too like sharing with each other, loving each other and just being each other's support system through the highs and lows. Cuddles.. kisses and yk.. could be very common. I also think he might have job related to like IT industry or maybe he owns a business!? Or thinks about it perhaps and i also think you might not have started/start dating just directly like you took your time and thenbit into it. Also i sense some traditional mindset here it either could be you or him or just growing up in that environment. Also he might really have found you attractive on your first meet or will find attractive and think how you are yourself and confident within themselves deep down..i also sense an anxiety like wondering if you'll give them a chance or not or like where this meet might take will you exchange something!? Meet again or what exactly might happen. Well that's all i could give I'm sorry i drifted from the original question it's just that i wrote whatever I was receiving and tried my best. I'm so sorry if it's not the right exachange!! 😭

thankyou so much, hope you have an amazing day ahead!! Appreciate your time, energy and efforts 🫶🏻🤍✨🧿

Hello! Thank you so much for your patience and kindness!! I really appreciated the kind message you put in my inbox! Also the reading resonated super well with me!!! Btw I’m from Texas so it’s cool you channeled that!!! I’m not in a relationship yet and am not aware who my Fs is but I know they are close. I will find out soon!

Before your reading here is a moodboard of your vibe:

I think you’ll meet them at a time of having had a major personal transformation where you have a lot of growth, new wisdom, physical and mental glow up(I’m thinking it is a stronger self care routine), and just a lot of personal abundance grown. I think you’ll meet them when you are exploring your options in love after this transformation. It will be a turn you are happy and strong by yourself but you wish to explore love options. I think at the time you’ll be looking for a partner who helps either your growth. Someone who can provide what you need rather than just what you can do for them. I think you’ll meet your FS while your out like at a public function to meet partners like a bar, blind date, group date, friends party. I think they might be introduced to you by someone your close with I’m thinking a friend and/or family member around your age. I think you meet them when you’re really at peace with yourself and others. You won’t stay with what doesn’t serve you and you protect yourself accordingly. I think your Fs will feel like you’re very strong, high achieving, bold,abundant, stable, explorative and maybe a bit creative and unique (that’s a good thing). I think they’ll like obervubg you a bit the first time they meet you like how you interact with the world however they are not shy to interact with you. I think they would take action to convey their interest in communicating with you. I think you’ll be very much subconsciously drawn to your FS the first time you meet them. You’ll be magnetized to them. They intrigue you. I think they are someone kind of solitary, strong and stern (very earthy) but adaptable and graceful (like good manners and polite. Knows how to hold a good quality conversation) as well.

Sorry this is like 200words shorter than what you gave me. If you have another question I’m happy to answer that!!

Hope this resonates 💖💖💖 thanks for participating😊

[kmze]

You are absolutely right,Kris.That was clearly her claim to 5 seconds of relevance moment.I don't know if she did anything after tvd and I never kept track of that verse or any discourse related to it after the show ended.But if that tweet was able to reach me along with some of her recent commentaries of possible "relationships", then she knew exactly what she was doing.Maybe drumming up support for a possible reboot?Yeah I heard that one too recently( 'perks' of having a tvd obsessed teen niece,you see).

I was reading your s1 review earlier and quite enjoyed it.Do continue if time permits you.I haven't had the time or interest to rewatch TVD again.This was the first show I was emotionally invested in and by the end of it,JP made sure I would never wanna go back to it.

I do miss Stefan-Caroline a lot though.I miss Stefan "Where do I belong" Salvatore,who had me intrigued the first time I met him in September, 2009 even though my friend made me watch the pilot for Ian.I miss my baby girl,Caroline "I try so hard" Forbes".The treatment of Caroline Forbes in that season was beyond horrible although I would say s7 was on that same level.Ironically, that was not a KW season but ran by that demon.

I do quite agree with your analysis as to why Plec didn't go back to SE even though she had the perfect opportunity to.The Human Stefan storyline almost had me convinced they were going in that direction which was probably why I had a hard time sitting through the last few episodes.TVD had become so emotionally draining.Caroline-Stefan scenes were like a bright light in a sea of Awfulness that show was.

Hey Anon, I believe she's done a few things since the tvd 'verse ended but I do know that unlike TO and TVD Legacies did not get an official final season. Their series finale was supposed to work as both a season and series since the CW had been sold and JP knew it was possible the show could get cancelled. So I think that's why she's trying to get something done now. I absolutely believe her tweet was to engagement bait for either for herself or whoever is interested in the TVD 'verse continuing again to see how much interest is still there. Although I have no idea what could be in the works, I know at a con in December the question was about a movie but I'm not sure enough of the original main cast would be willing to return to make that happen. I mean majority of the characters are dead or human and I know a few actors have said they wouldn't be interested in returning (Kat, Ian and Paul) so I'm not sure what kind of movie she could make lol. Candice would probably come back (and since I'm a sucker that's all I would need) and maybe Nina (mostly I don't think she's a hard no) but I'm not sure that's enough for anyone to agree to finance this. Of course Teen Wolf got their awful movie financed so I could be completely off base.

The rewatch has been enjoyable so far (it's easier when you know the ending lol) and honestly S2 has been so much more engaging and interesting to me than S1 so I should have the first half of that season done this week. When I get to S7 is gonna be such a buzzkill from S6 I am so not looking forward to that slough especially the first half. I will always dislike Dries for what she did to Steroline that season UGH makes me mad just thinking about it.

Ha! The show became so emotionally draining that season worrying about what would happen. I hate the human Stefan storyline (I especially hate the STUPID CURE and how the rules change for how it works every time it's mentioned!) though I did enjoy how much he hated being human because the fandom always believed he wanted that but really HE HATED not having vampire powers. He only wanted to be human because of his addiction to blood, and don't even get me started on how him being a "reformed ripper" in S6 got completely dropped in S8. I do agree in a way about some of that awfulness and it's the same for me, while I did enjoy a majority of the seasons overall in the series the bright spot was 1000% Steroline, to me they're the best thing the show ever did. Now that I'm up to S2 in my rewatch it just reminded me of how good their slow burn was.

[gazingatmydoom]

i think i actually went through the five stages of grief just now finishing one shot. or. one sec

ok not all five but i definitely hit at least three, maybe four of them. counting. like. oneshot is a fucking amazing game but i'm also gonna talk about DEPRESSION AS WELL WHAMO

long vent post below the cut idm if u read it but it's super long lol so yeah

cos like. that was the most. mm. it was the most difficulty i've had making a descsion that i was involved in emotionally. ig the ending of oneshot was like pretty much 100% "how much do u care about this vs this" thing so like entirely emotionally charged but idk it had me yk. and i was sitting on the toilet taking a whizz as one does after condemning ur best friend catperson ever forever to an eternal life in a world they don't belong to. and i was thinking right, that's probably the saddest i've felt playing a game since i finished titanfall 2 in early 2020. estimating. might've been 2019 idk. and now i don't remember if i played any other particularly sad games between tf|2 and oneshot but i doubt i didn't and if i'm running on things i'm assuming about the depression i'm assuming i had (which i am) then memory loss was a big part of it. cos i god damned do not remember fuck shit ass from the past few years. and i was thinking hey MAYBE the reason i haven't been that sad about any game (in memory) is because i was simply too depressed to give a rats ass.

i mean there's one game ig which is hollow knight and i felt sad when i got the sealed siblings ending but. if i'm being honest alot of the strong emotions i had with that game felt very forced. that's one thing i can remember quite well actually and no i don't know why, but when i felt sad when i watched the siblings curl up and go back down to the bottom of the abyss, it felt like i was trying to push my heart down it didn't feel like it was sinking on it's own.

ok the more i'm talking about it the more i'm thinking i'm bullshitting but idk. idk! the idea that i had depression and quite possibly might still have it is takign over my mind everytime i react with alot of emotion to something. which is happening at an increased rate in the past few months, and has barely happened at all in the past three years.

it makes me think ig. like i got mad at niko and the author and the entity for making *me* make this decision, when in my opinion, it really should've been niko's to make. and i somehow thought niko was going to make it! i was so sure they would i was like ye ok niko ima break this to u and then i need u to sit and think about it and i need u to know i will support u no matter WHAT u choose it's ok and i love u. and then they're like "what should i do bestie?" AS IF THAT'S MY DECISION TO MAKE????? it caught me off guard yk and i didn't cry or scream or freak out but i'd be lying if i said it made me think and feel in ways that feel new or fresh, but not brand new just like ahh i forgot what this was like new. if i ever felt them at all.

i swear sometimes it does feel like the second i gained any ability to think somewhat for myself (which sounds stupid but trust me this was mid teens for me) i started spiralling. so idk yk. i lost where i was going with this uuuuhhhhhhhh. but who cares. this is a vent post(?) so it doesn't matter if i finish it. that word keeps coming up tho i don't wanna say it again. the depress. the deps. depths. dark souls. i keep thinking of it. it keeps coming back to me and bouncing around my head like "hey maybe *this* is why what ur feeling or thinking or doing rn feels super weird and alien to u" cos that feeling keeps coming back yk. i can feel it coming back less and less in past days tho and that's not to say i'm getting used to experiencing new things but it might be to say i'm sinking back down. not sure tho!

just added a read more link idk if it worked i've never used one before but it just struck me how long this post is now lmao and i don't wanna bother the two people who might see this.

but ye shit has been wild and by that i mean crazy and by that i mean i've begun feeling emotions again and it's been fucking me up to varying degrees! side not like dungeon meshi has made me cry everytime a new episode comes out i fucking like. like yes it's good but it's also me being passionate about something. the last thing i was passionate about i would say was hollow knight i used to cry all the time watching silksong trailers and listening to the bonebottom ost sample but i tell u when that was. that stopped happening around mid 2020. yo am i dating my depression rn. early to mid 2020 that must've been it that must've been the start. which makes sense cos i think that was also when i left college and therefore stopped going outside at all ever. i got a job about a year after but it was shit and i hated it and i cried at work so i quit. found a new one a month or so later and i'm still there today. they're good there and i like it. it's still the only reason i go out which i don't think is healthy but. it's something. i was invited out for activites earlier today and i said yes. that's another first in a long time that was the first yes i've given in fucking ages. i don't think i have anything to wear oh christ. i need to buy some clothes. god. ok getting into personal life more than personal feelings and that's not what i want to include on this blog. we talk about FEELINGS here not EVENTS.

but ye uh. ig to conclude depression (if i ever had it (i'm only saying that cos i was never officially diagnosed i'm like 99% sure it was there)) i forgot where this sentence was going. ig to conclude, depression. yeah. stay hydrated kids

[dysvvvunctional]

i don't cry every night.

just on nights like this. lol.

i cry mostly just because i'm tired. i'm tired of living inside my head. trust me, i really want to get out of here.

but i'm getting to understand that running away won't help. i should learn to understand myself, my thoughts and feelings, accept them and forgive them. forgive myself. that is the only way i can live peacefully... i guess.

trust me, i'm getting used to everything here, i don't lash out and i don't act out emotionally so easily anymore, i can say i'm... more in control. but it still does feel overwhelming sometimes.

and what makes it worse is that i feel alone. not just lonely, but also alone. that's actually why i (impulsively, tbh) removed all of my followers recently.

i promise, i didn't do it emotionally. i did it calmly. but of course, triggerred, still, lol.

i hate it when i feel hostile—hostility is one of the worst. but i'm aware that it came because i feel lonely, alone, that is. afraid of being abandoned. but hating everything and everyone in a blink of an eye just doesn't make sense. it is temporary, i know, but you know it feels real. the hatred. the darkness eating me up. of course i won't let it consume me. but well, you know what made me feel better?

removing all of my followers. not because i hate them.

i sent out a message on my main account telling my close friends that i "refreshed" my account, and i would welcome them back if they would like to reconnect with me via said account.

seeing the ones who really care hit the follow button once again relieved me. and i know i'll be alright even though no one would re-follow me; i was training myself not to get attached to anything or looking for validation or affection or attention or anything from nobody but myself.

yes, i know i do need other people. i really do. i, too, need affection and attention. it's just so confusing for me right now.

i do realize and i feel the urge to train myself, my mind, my heart, my mindset, my body, to be better. i need to train. but you know how hard it is to cope without support... not that i don't have any.

at this point, i'm really thinking hard to get myself back to therapy and starting to join communities, support groups, so that i'd have someone to talk to on times like this.

someone that is ready to listen to me.

i'm starting to refuse to talk to my relatives, thinking that they might not be ready to hear me out, or tired of the same shit i come up with, or whatever. yea, i know, i know, speculations and assumptions. but hey, i've had my traumas and those things happened. i don't know anymore.

well, i might feel better by talking to those who actually understand my struggles anyway, right?

honestly, it means a lot to me once my closest friends and family show their support and actually listen and understand what i have to say, what i have to go through. it means A LOT.

but well, you know how i always feel so worthless and how i am a burden to everyone and so on, and so on, and so i don't want to pull anyone towards my blackhole anymore.

it's hard, at least for me, right now. i'm sad, and tired, and lonely, and i just want to die. somehow i think the ones who are hoping to die really soon like me, might live way longer than expected. i think i really gotta suffer. maybe the universe wants to see me win. or... maybe they just want me to get some lesson, or be the lesson. who knows. i might die tomorrow anyway and still, no one would know lol.

but i might survive the night again tonight, i don't know. i just don't feel so good, but at this point, i think that's just the way it is.

[alvadee]

abt the ned thing - i was amazed ariel was seen out with ned with her wedding ring on cause my ex cheated on me and i put a nail in his tire, but then i was like... yeah. she has the try wives podcast, she has that baby podcast with him, they have a youtube channel or w/e. i think she also has a store but i would imagine the VAST majority of her income is from ned-associated shit. she CANT hardly leave him. what we've learned is that you never tie your income to a man.

Yeah, I'm not so surprised either because of some of the reasons you already mentioned. I mean they probably had a month now to discuss and plan this situation and public announcement through. I also understand, emotionally and financially, if Ariel wants to give it another try. They have two small kids, they built a house together and she also invested into the Try Guys. It is also such a scandalous, public affair that it can lead to them actually sticking close together, at least for a while, bcs they're going through it together, even if it is his fault.

Personally I think it depends on the people how they handle cheating, I don't think one size fits all. I also think a drunken peck on the lips is a different level of cheating than a full blown, one-year, affair and those things often require different measures. Though my personal feeling is when someone's partner is going behind their partner's back and lies for an extended amount of time and never comes clean on their own...kick the cheater out and don't look back it's unlikely you'll ever be able to trust them again.

Anyway, we don't know these people. So it's all just speculation based on what little facts we have.

Maybe she knew about his cheating, maybe they had some open relationship type arrangement? I mean, apparently he was known for drunkenly getting touchy with women on nights out for a longer time. I totally doubt she would agree to that but I guess that's the only way I can make sense of him cheating so publicly for so long...

Honestly I hope she doesn't have to worry about the financial aspect if she should leave. Her and the Try Guys/Try Wives seem to be real friends to a degree and it looks like they all took her side. If they're real ones they could say 'hey Ariel, don't worry, we'll take care that you don't have to financially struggle as long as the kids are still small, we support you/keep working with you' 🤷🏻‍♀️

From my very limited and subjective impression of Ned, I would not be surprised if he would cheat again if she should take him back. He seems like the type who might grovel for a while then feel like his ego isn't fed enough and hook up again with a younger chick. But that is my realism/cynicism, you decide. The TMZ pics where he looks so smug and smiley are of course only a snapshot of a moment but it doesn't make him look good, it makes him look like he enjoys the attention.

lol I'm not a Try Guy fan, if I was/am ever a fan of something buzzfeed related it's the Ghoul Bois. But I am aware of the Try Guys since so many years. I draw and that's an activity were you often consume a lot of media in the background and over the years I did end up watching a couple of Try Guy's related videos every couple of months. Enough to know the who is who and the relationships. I think when Eugene's coming out video dropped they were more on my Youtube radar again. I'm mainly here because the gossip is so juicy, like that the wife guy gets outed as cheater WITH AN EMPLOYEE is just such irony and I just really have a personal hate for guys who cheat, especially on women who raise their kids, and I never knew enough about Mulaney and that Maroon 5 guy to care. lol

[skullrock]

Not a spoiler just Stancy discussion overall feel free to answer whenever or never lol

I'm also really scared that they make Stancy happen, first of all it undoes everything Steve went through to get to the point where he is now. Like Nancy BROKE him she emotionally cheated on him for a year and then cheated on him literally when they were together, you can't tell me they were over when she slept with Jonathan especially since Steve went to her house trying to talk. He only let her go after that and she made him believe he was a shitty boyfriend even though she cheated and left him to date another guy not even 2 days afterwards, she never apologized to him and he had such a hard time to get over her. He was supportive of her in any way, he went to the Hollands even though he wasn't friends with Barb, he tried to protect Nancy when she wanted to tell Barb's parents and yeah maybe in that moment she felt misunderstood but he was never a shitty boyfriend.

Second why Stancy fucking sucks is Nancy deserves to be single for a while as well, she really needs it to sort her shit out. She is always in a relationship and never really her own person. She treated Jonathan like garbage in s3 and still there are TOGETHER as of rn, getting with Steve means cheating yet again on your partner even if you think it's over, you should have the decency to call it quits. She deserves to be her own person and not jump from guy to guy.

I get why Steve is hung up on her, he currently questions his entire life what he wants and Nancy was his first love so ofc he searches for someone or something like that. However that's from Steve's perspective he doesn't know she never really loved him, she loved that he felt secure and safe but she never loved him like she loved Jonathan. Why else would she wanted Jonathan to wait for her, why else couldn't she say it back???

Making Stancy a thing again is a disservice to both characters, they both deserve to grow individually and I hope to god the Duffers didn't fuck this up. Like man you guys, the writers of our fandom, understand their character so much better and I know there will be fix it fics if they indeed fuck it up. It's so annoying nobody asked for Stancy, nobody, so I hope they don't make it a thing again. I'm at ep4 atm while I'm typing this I'm scared where this is going.

it’s like you took the words directly out of my throat and wrote them out!!!!! i agree whole heartedly!!!! it would be extremely regressive of them to do that - but i GENUINELY believe in my heart they’re not going to follow through. there would be no point! i think this is all leading up to steve’s realization of “what he wants” - which i really have no clue where they’re going to go with that. but i just PRAYYY. i hope to GODDDD i am right and this shit is dropped by the end of s4 i can’t live like this any longer

[vidalinav]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but...

y’all need to accept the fact that ALL of these characters are and can be horrible people. This is not anti post, this is a let characters be morally grey post. They’re flawed, accept that already. 

I’m tired of seeing posts like but--but Nesta-- But Nesta what? We already know what her flaws are. They’ve been highlighted from day one. They’ve been acknowledged by every character including herself. They have never once been excused, nor empathized with though she needed that severely. She has made friends and no friends by being the way she is. She has made friends who understand her, and has a family who doesn’t understand her. Friends who take into account that she has been through horrible things, and a family who has not. A family who in her own POV has left her behind, because they did. I said this about Feyre, I’ll say this about Nesta, if in a POV someone says someone wronged them THEY DID. But she is not easy, and sometimes not nice. We know this, we accept this. I stan her for this because emotion often is not beautiful, but stop pointing out her flaws like we don’t know. We all know! We also know that she was aggressive for a reason, she was hateful for a reason, she was in a very low place, and she deserved healing and better, unjudgmental treatment by other people which she didn’t get. She helped in a war, she tried to get Feyre back, she talked to the High lord, advocated for the humans, showed she cared for Cassian in ACOWAR, etc, too. We know her perspective is biased and she’s never once been excused for her mistakes, but other character’s are not treated like Nesta is (like Lucien is, Like Eris is, Like Jurian is). 

So, let me go through the ways that all of these characters are imperfect and that you just have to accept as a reader. Okay? Okay. 

Elain is not going to be you’re pretty little doll that has done nothing wrong, because she has and she should. Elain was not a good character in ACOTAR, just as much as Nesta was not a good character. Elain does sometimes seem a bit oblivious to what is going on around her. Elain may be very nice and pleasant but that is and will not be all she is. She is allowed to make mistakes and she should be held accountable if she does. When she doesn’t do too much (because she doesn’t) or when she is not very helpful (whether by plot or by Feyre/Nesta’s POV-whether that is noted or not), we can be like okay, she’s in a bad way, because she was, she’s healing herself. But don’t be a hypocrite and please don’t make her victim of other people. Her narrative right now is that “Nesta coddles her,” but we already know that blame game. We’ve seen it in Nesta’s own POV. No one is in charge of anyone’s actions but themselves. If she wants to help, she can. Stop saying the IC won’t let her or Nesta won’t let her, if Elain wanted to help she can. She will find a way... or at least put her foot down, which we’ve already seen she can do. If Elain wanted to reject the bond right then with Lucien, she could, but she doesn’t.  And, If Nesta says she wasn’t there and she chose Feyre (no matter how skewed that perspective is), and Elain shows in Nesta’s POV that she didn’t show empathy either to Nesta or even love in a way that Nesta could see, or try to understand where she was coming from vocally in the scenes she was featured in regardless of whether she was capable or not of helping Nesta (because she didn’t (i.e scene in library, the treatment spiel, and the “did feyre pay you?”, and also never being around while Nesta was there, but also ACOSF when she took a drink like she couldn’t handle the situation, and then laughed like nothing at all was wrong)) then she wasn’t there for her. She’s a complex character just as everyone else. Let her be a complex character! Flaws are not bad, please stop trying to negate flaws like they shouldn’t exist. She’s great and she stabbed the King of Hybern to protect her sisters, she let the fae into her home, and she chooses to be kind in a world that’s not very kind to people like her, and she’s got a whole lot of story to tell, but she’s a normal character not a disney princess. She’s not close to anyone. Why? That’s not anyone else’s predicament except her own. Neither is her life nor her actions. Okay? 

Mor can be loved because she was very supportive to Feyre in Feyre’s POV, understood because she is the first LGBT character in this book and she lives in a world it seems where she has to hide who she is, and we as readers understand that she has been through also horrible things. However, this does not negate the fact that she is a horrible person sometimes, to both her friends and people outside of their little group. She was not good to Nesta on SEVERAL occasions, even when Nesta was not bad to Mor. This weird love-triangle kept happening because she didn’t want to just admit that she didn’t like Azriel romantically, whatever the reason was. She’s a complex character. Hate her/Like her, but acknowledge that no matter what you choose, she has fucking flaws. 

I see posts sometimes about how people don’t understand where this Rhysand came from, like “he’s so awful in ACOSF, SJM did this to make Nesta look better.” What? He’s been a dick always. He’s just not a dick to Feyre but that could be argued as well really. We as readers can acknowledge though that he like all the rest have gone through horrible things, and though the horrible things he has done are not excused (i.e. murdering children, killing people, his court still having so many problems and their solution being lets go to Vallahan, putting up an evil front to just keep people in line, not instilling any action to help those who need it or not treating people like subject who depend on him as a ruler regardless of whether he likes them or not (i.e the Hewn City/Illyria)) we acknowledge that he can be understood at the same time that he is also a hypocrite. Generally he’s not bad on an individual basis. but he’s not “good!” He’s morally grey. As they all are, but because he’s a ruler, he should be 10x more responsible for all of these problems and for all of his flaws. 

Azriel is a sweetheart and sometimes he’s understanding, and doesn’t seem judgmental. But he’s a psycho! I’m sorry. He’s got a lot of things to work through, I mean. We acknowledge that he has been through HORRIFYING things, but we also should not neglect the fact that he’s a creep and he tortures people on a regular basis. There’s no reason he should have had that insane long infatuation with Mor and now seems to have one with Elain. We understand why he does this, psychologically, but it does not excuse him for making Mor uncomfortable for 500+ years. Take all of him or none of him. 

Cassian. I love Cassian, but he does not think before he speaks, he does have his head up the IC’s ass, and he’s does not connect dots very well. He’s sweet and he’s supportive, and I have less of a problem with him than some other characters, but!!!! He’s got flaws and those are not bad. Those do not make him unlovable, but he’s got them and they’re not going away. 

Feyre has this same issue. She does what she needs to, she’s loving, she gives people a chance, and yes she was there when people needed her, she has also suffered a good amount, but Feyre’s suffering has been acknowledged by everyone. It has been given voice to, it has been reflected in empathy by every single character even when Feyre herself has not been a great character. She tends to be very one-sided in things, as in her own view is the only one that exists (though that’s everyone of them really as we’ve seen, there’s no nuance there) but she’s also not very emotionally intelligent and she does get into everyone’s business, when she should probably let people do their own thing (this has been her trait forever since ACOMAF I think). But she should also take more of a stance to be a ruler, because unfortunately she has that responsibility, and she should hold Rhys more accountable for the actions he does. It should not be a “let’s have sex and all is well” sort of situation. She’s a very biased perspective, but so are all of them. But she’s not perfect and we should never feel that she is. She is not the light of heaven that has glorified Prythrian, she is just an average human-to-fae girl trying to live. She deserves love, yes, but not more than anyone else and loving her should not mean hating other people, which this fandom and the book have a hard time realizing. 

Amren... sigh... I don’t like her too much but for the thread I’ll continue. Amren is probably the only reason anything gets done, realistically, because at least she’s always thinking about the logistics of things. She’s horribly rude, and doesn’t seem to care about anyone’s opinion, but she’s 15000 years old or what not. Emotions probably have to be beneath her at that point, but that doesn’t mean I have to love her, and that doesn’t mean she’s an unflawed characters. She’s very flawed and I think that’s acknowledged but I don’t think any character has really held her accountable for being who she is, they brush it off and are like “Amren’s Amren.” But she’s morally grey for sure, getting to be a darker shade if you ask me (i.e Tyrant Amren). But I acknowledge that even though I hate her, she’s not ALWAYS horrible. 

I don’t know what it is, maybe it is the narratives insistence that the IC are good that makes everyone go off their rocker, but my god, I think I would love all of these character’s more if there wasn’t this insistence that they’re the “good guys” and just have them make mistakes, have them eat their mistakes equally, and have them move on, learn to do better, maybe fuck up again. That’s life lol that’s interesting, morally grey characters. But I write this post not to say they’re all horrible, but to say that it is unnecessary to point out the flaws of other characters in defense of another one. They’re all horrible. Acknowledge it, breathe it in, love them or hate them anyway, but know (whispers for dramatic effect) they’re all horrible. And that’s okay, because that is not all they are. 

Have a good day. 

[musette22]

So, tomorrow is the day 🦾

To everyone who is watching and who’s excited: HAVE SO MUCH FUN, and I hope it’s everything you’ve been hoping for and more 💜

To everyone who is watching but a bit apprehensive or anxious about it for whatever reason: I hope it’ll exceed your expectations and that you’ll come to enjoy it, and in the meantime I’m sending lots of love and support 💜

To everyone who isn’t planning on watching tomorrow, for whatever (non-assholish) reason: Please take care of yourself and remember that your own well-being & mental health are always paramount 💜

A few (lol) notes under the cut, for those who are interested (mostly aimed at the last category, I’d say!)

TLDR; I myself am not planning on watching tomorrow - I’ll probably watch the show at some point in the future, but I want to know exactly what I’m getting into before I do. I’m too emotionally invested in the relationship between Bucky and Steve to be able to enjoy it right now, but at the same time I’m also 100% rooting for the show to do well, for various reasons, and it does have my full support. For my personal mental health, I’ll likely be on Tumblr a little less for a while, at least while the show airs, but I’ll be running a queue and answering messages as much as possible.

As I’ve said before, I myself am not planning on watching tomorrow - I might watch the show at some point in the future, but I want to know exactly what I’m getting into before I do. At this point I don’t feel emotionally and mentally up to dealing with some developments this show is inevitably going to present. By that, I mean possible deaths, therapy sessions, mentions of Steve, new love interests etc. - I do not mean having a new Captain America, or two of my favourite characters getting a chance to shine and bond, just for the record.

Despite my reservations, I am also 100% rooting for the show to do well, for various reasons. I’m so hyped for Sam being Cap, I’m so loving the dynamic between Bucky and Sam, I’m so looking forward to Sharon finally getting the screentime and character development she deserves, and I’m so so happy for and proud of Anthony and Sebastian for being co-leads in their very own blockbuster TV show - and for all those reasons I want the show to be a great success. Millions of people are going to be watching and loving the show and I couldn’t be happier about that.

As for myself, I know I’m too emotionally invested in the relationship between Bucky and Steve to be able to enjoy it. In fact, for a Stucky shipper like myself (i.e. an extreme (mono)shipper), the fact that part of the show deals with Steve Rogers leaving his best friends and fucking off to the past to have his perfectly heteronormative and incredibly OCC happily ever after is pretty much the worst thing I can imagine, and it’s enough to actively spoil the whole thing for me. I wish it wasn’t, because as I’m pretty sure you’re all aware, I’m kind of a massive Sebastian/Bucky stan and I fucking love Anthony/Sam to boot, and I’m devastated to be missing out on the fun here. But I’m self-aware enough to know that it’s better if I don’t put myself through this.

And I know some people might say that I’m being dramatic and the show hasn’t even aired yet, which is fair lol. But I’ve been so upset at every trailer I’ve seen, and I’ve cried so much just thinking about it for the past few months, that I’m pretty positive it’s just not for me. I’m fully aware it’s not healthy to feel this emotionally compromised by a TV show, and since this type of hurt is something I have the ability to distance and protect myself from, I owe it to myself to do so.

I’m sure Mackie and Seb would agree, and they still have my full support, and so does the show itself to a large extent. But I’m going to stay over here in my little comfort bubble for as long as I need to, and I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with that. We all have to do what we have to do to cope, especially this year. On the bright side, I’m super excited to do some proper writing again, because I haven’t been able to as much as I’d like lately and I have signed up for several Stucky bangs 🙈 

So anyway, this was (characteristically) way too long and too pompous but it’ll have to do lol. I’m not sure how much you guys are going to notice as a result of it, but from tomorrow, I’ll likely be on here a little less - at least on Fridays and probably Saturdays, for the duration of the show. I’ll be running a queue, I’ll be answering DMs and asks (but most likely not too many about the show itself, because as you can tell, I need to step back from that a bit for right now) and working on my writing, but I won’t be checking my dash much. So if there’s something you’d really like me to see, please feel free to tag me or send it to me!! If I do reblog any TFATWS content, I’ll of course make sure to tag it for spoilers with ‘tfatws spoilers’. 

Alright, I think that’s all I wanted to say for the moment, but again, if you’d like me to clarify anything, do feel free to ask me (nicely). I’m sending everyone who needs it lots of love, support, bear hugs and smooches. You’re not alone and things might be weird for a while, but maybe it won’t be so bad, and in any case it’ll be alright in the end. Maybe a bit different, but still alright ❤️

[septiembrre]

Regarding your Rio stereotype answer (& why I think swagger as a descriptor for him triggers me) apart from his brief dip into pills most of his crime is financially-driven, fraud based - embezzlement, money laundering, forgery etc. His operation isn’t driven by violence but he leverages it when necessary, he has a legitimate business (the bar) and washes funds through other legitimate businesses (spa’s, the carwash, the store).

(continued ask 2 of 2): Like he is the DEFINITION of a white-collar criminal but the writing continues to stereotype his criminality as gangbanger/gang leader (what gang?) with no canon or historical narrative to support any of it other than MAYBE his ‘I flip my game’ speech which doesn’t even count. Every single time the girl say GANG FRIEND I dry heave.

***

Yes!!! The white-collar crime reveal in 1x03 is absolutely the most fundamental moment that subverts Rio as the stock Latinx criminal stereotype. Thank you @querenaxx​ for bringing it up. I was having half-thoughts about it earlier when I wrote my post and then my brain kind of puttered out when it got to my comment about on-screen subversion of the trope. 

In Season 1, Rio handled so much of his enterprise — overseeing the manufacturing of the counterfeit, supervising Beth washing her cut of the counterfeit money, presumably still washing cuts of the money on his own, navigating the waters between other criminal operations in the city and feds, bankrolling his business(es?) and more(?). God, remember Rio all young, sleeves rolled up, bossing people around, in the thick of things?

Now that we’re post-Season 2, post-shooting, Rio has taken off the kid gloves. He’s exposing Beth to the more violent parts of their shared work, and still keeping her in the dark about a lot (and that makes sense -- their trust is broken). But, it’s hard to watch Rio simultaneously get depicted more violently (and further in line with existing stereotypes of Latinx folks on tv), while also getting less narrative focus? 

To speak for myself, I personally was okay with most of this shift throughout Season 3 (some scenes landing for me more or less), but now that it’s continued into Season 4 -- I am less into it. I’m thinking of 4x02, with Rio lit to look like a skull in that scene in the interrogation room (I loved this scene but it did play on stereotypical calaveras makeup/Latinx criminal imagery) and it made me pause... 

One of my questions in Season 3-4 is what is Rio doing now? How is he occupying his time as a crime boss? Lol, though I would be totally happy to see more of the recreational pursuits like the omakase, the country club, the occupational therapy, OR THE SPRAY TANNING on-screen. I know Marcus is off-limits right now because Beth and Rio are emotionally distant currently. But, what does it mean that he took out all those “rival gangs” through Turner in 3x01? What did it really mean for him to be out of work for… a month? Technically, we’re still not even sure what his name is -- and the show is self-aware about this (they’ve been ribbing at us with those Mr. Kowalski and Manolo mentions). 

We glean hints through Beth’s further exposure to him (like the line about Rio having debts) and we learn more about the machinations of how he executes the more grisly parts of crime (Lucy and the reveal of the graveyard). Through, Fitzpatrick we learn an absurd amount of details that kind of bob at the surface-level of the show and we as fans can parse through. But, there’s Rio, Mick, and… presumably all those other tatted guys he sent to Paper Porcupine. How do all of these people stay occupied throughout the week? Like you mentioned, how is Rio a white-collar criminal connected to all these dudes who are coded as street-level guys? 

Again, I see why they haven’t explored these moments because our view of Rio is shaped by Beth’s knowledge of him and there’s so much she doesn’t know about him! But, if it was not the plan for him to be in the love interest role in Season 3, I do wish we at least get more scenes/interactions with Rio and Ruby and Annie (AND MICK!), or even a moment where Rio and Mick talk about the women leads alone so that he’s less tethered to Beth’s gaze of him (and subvert the Latin Lover trope, give him more agency outside of that role). 

Okay, now I’m rambling about ~all the things I’d like to see/missed opportunities~. I know it’s hard to balance all the arcs, but this part of the storyline has been running on fumes for so long, contradicted itself -- it’s messy. But, I’m still excited for what we might see this season. I’m cautiously optimistic.