#i meant that even characters who are on the same path tend to work differently (and this is something i really like about this game)

[maplefield]

kinda funny in a sorta sad way how people will be calling a character trash before they're even out and then upon release when they realize the character is actually good they start comparing them to earlier units and calling THEM trash

[tom-is-online]

not to be rude but ena and akito are. completely different in terms of personality and overall character😭 maybe someone likes akito but doesn’t fw ena’s personality or whatever. it’s fine

reacting to THIS POST

I don't know what you're reading, but I would never describe them as completely different. Sure, they ARE different characters, but if anything is similar about them, it is their personalities and the role they play in the story.

They are both very dedicated and passionate about their corresponding passions despite neither of them having "natural talent." Instead of giving up, they keep working hard to show themselves that they can follow the path they want to despite what others (Vivid Street (Arata) in Akitos's case and their dad in Ena's) around them have to say about it.

They're both very blunt whether they mean to be rude or not, but they both also care a lot about the people around them, especially their units and each other even if they don't show it in normal ways.

Their inferiority in their talents also brings the fact that both of them experience jealousy for people who show they have more talent which is shown in both of their focus events a lot

Neither of them is very academically gifted mostly through a lack of interest

And theres a lot more which im sure someone less tired than me would love to tell me in the notes :)

the 4komas even riff on them often acting very similar

+ Their BNW quotes literally mean the same thing

the whole thing with them both really like cheesecake and pancakes but hate carrots is also meant to be a nod to their similarities

people have a tendency to demonise Ena for being mean or violent or whatever people want to call her. but what Ena is usually criticised for Akito typically isn't (cough cough this fanbase has a history of being very male-biased which I hate)

Akito is also mean, he was a dick to everyone in his unit in the main story at some point and he often pulls pranks on the people in his school (Tsukasa) just to highlight a few easy things

AND FOR THE VIOLENT THING.

People have a tendency to highlight Ena scratching Akito when she was stressed out in middle school. and not to generalise. but. i am convinced you people are only children AND did not read the VBS main story

siblings fight, it's normal, especially in a household like the Shinonomes with the whole emotionally neglectful dad thing they got going on, i fought with my brother a lot as a kid and it happens. I'm not saying it's great and everyone should be attacking their siblings but the people who focus on Ena scratching Akito seem to magically forget.

AKITO PUNCHED TOYA HARD ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE BRUISED IN THE MAIN STORY.

I've seen people make the argument that Akito can be excused cuz of the circumstances it happened being stressful and made him angry. But that clearly ignores what Ena was going through in middle school.

saying "Ena scratching Akito was a common occurrence but Akito only punched someone once" just does not feel like a good enough argument at all.

the last post gave a good argument on it so just go read that to lmao

I'll say it again. stop babying the male characters. if you're gonna excuse Akito punching Toya in the head and not excuse Ena when she was in MIDDLE SCHOOL then I don't know what to tell you

anyway.

i think a large part of their dynamic is carried by their similarities - they share a lot of the same key traits and they tend to but heads due to it but they do care about each other a lot in their own sibling way. I also just relate to them both a lot lmao

if someone wants to make a legitimate argument for how the Shinonomes are very different in personality, be my guest feel free to rb with what you think

but in my opinion at the VERY LEAST they share so much of their personalities and with how much Ena is demonised by some of this fandom it's a red flag to me to like Akito and hate Ena.

but yeah please rb with anything else u wanna add cuz I've definitely missed some stuff

[creature-wizard]

Toxic Individualism In Modern Witchcraft

The modern witchcraft movement is very much a product of the 20th century, and one thing it picked up from that was a pretty individualist way of thinking. This isn't all bad, since it helped normalize people being allowed to do spirituality in a way that truly resonated with them, rather than following whatever an institution prescribed for them.

But as many of us know, western individualism comes with a lot of really toxic shit, encouraging and even enshrining apathy, cruelty, and social Darwinism. This, unfortunately, is very much an attitude you occasionally see within modern witchcraft.

This is sometimes expressed through a "let 'em sink or swim" attitude. For example, you might see people bristle at the idea of warning people about dangers such as toxic plants; "well, they should know to just research this themselves, if they get hurt, that's their own faults." Never mind that most of us live in a socioeconomic environment where "natural" tends to be equated with "safe," and few people were taught any real amount of research skills. (Most people don't know how to research beyond "type a thing into Google and click the first link" or "watch a video on YouTube and follow the algorithm.")

There's this sort of idea that witchcraft and the occult is this kind of Darwinian proving ground. You're either just born having what it takes, or you're not. Supposedly, there's no need to warn people about red flags, fascist rhetoric, pseudohistory, or anything, because supposedly, the "worthy" will just be able to find their own way on their own. Anyone who doesn't make it? Anyone who ends up poisoning themselves or falling down the alt right pipeline or abused by a predator? Couldn't be helped; they were never "meant" for this path anyway. It was simply too much for them. Why, if you really think about it, it was their own faults for daring to reach above the station they were born for, anyway.

This is a completely irrational view, because it's simply not how things work. People aren't born having research skills, critical thinking skills, or knowing the difference between real history and pseudohistory; they're taught these things. And some people are statistically much less likely to receive a good education than others. There are a few people who beat the odds and end up better educated than most people in their socioeconomic status, but this doesn't mean that they were born with inherent greatness; it just means that they were curious and lucked out in finding the right materials.

As many of us also know, Victorian-era eugenicists believed that members of the upper class were just inherently better. They had the genes for intelligence and strength of will. (Yeah, that whole modern occult fixation with willpower has some dodgy origins, too.) They just ignored that whole thing where they lived in a socioeconomic system designed to keep most people in poverty. If they ever saw someone beat the system, they attributed it to that person being born exceptional for some reason. I would highly recommend that anyone who hasn't done so already watch Shaun's video, The Bell Curve, which criticizes the book by the same title that effectively tries to argue for Victorian-age eugenics, to get a better picture of this whole thing.

Toxic individualism also encourages thinking of individuals as main characters on some kind of hero's journey, where every pain they suffer and every mistake they make is a vitally important part of their journey and growth; so much so that any effort to prevent them from making mistakes or suffering harm is hindering their personal growth.

Sure, people do often gain valuable insight from their mistakes and suffering. But it's absurd to claim that this is always the best way for people to learn and grow, especially if there's a risk of serious harm for themselves or others. Certainly it's much better to learn from a friendly Tumblr post that essential oils can give you chemical burns or harm your pets than experience it first-hand. And it's much better to learn what far right rhetoric looks like beforehand so you can recognize it when you first see it, rather than get drawn into some far right belief system and perpetuate harm on vulnerable minorities for any amount of time. (This whole thing of acting like you're life's main character and other people are basically just NPCs on some hero's journey that you imagine yourself to be on is so immensely fucked up.)

And finally, if anybody out here finds themselves thinking, "but nobody should expect help from others; after all, I didn't get any!", I'm gonna tell you: it shouldn't have been that way. You didn't not get help because that's just how the world works; you didn't get help because that's how modern western socioeconomics are created to work. Toxic individualism is a construct, and it's one that we can dismantle and replace with something better.

[writerswhy]

do you think hinamori can forgive aizen? he manipulated and used her from the beginning. i dont see why she has to forgive.

Disclaimer: none of this is meant to be apologia, nor am I trying to speak for others. I work in medical, adjacent to law enforcement/legal, and have personally experienced intimate violence. Just trying to let you guys know where I’m coming from. Thank you <3

Also, this is technically part 2 to anon’s question. I feel like I did a better job at elaborating on Hinamori’s character here.

You know, this comes up a lot in both fandom and real-life—this talk of forgiveness and redemption, getting “over” it—and it’s not something that necessarily interests me because of how it’s typically presented. I think it’s pretty reflective of the space and language we lack to explore conversations outside this model of punitive justice and its by-products.

I like to think that for someone like Hinamori who has a solid moral code and tends to shoulder responsibility for a lot of things—her people, her position, her friends, even the work she does for the academy—she’d subscribe to models like transformative justice or restorative justice. 

I think she believes that Soul Society can one day be a better place but also acknowledge that the expression of it is imperfect and not a one-size-fits-all solution. As someone who actually puts in the work, a path forward can manifest in two ways: one for Lieutenant Hinamori and the other for Hinamori Momo.

Hinamori plays an active role in the institution. She’s on the inside of this whole thing. In the aforementioned post I said that Hinamori can choose to bury her head in the sand, rage and follow in Aizen’s footsteps, grow bitter and alienate parts of herself, or hold onto this moral vision of hers and learn to work in and outside the Seireitei for a better Soul Society. We’ve seen her reclaim her lieutenancy on her terms, so I don’t think she’ll have much trouble there. And we know she has no problem challenging authority. I think she can learn to make the system work for her and her cause. I imagine that on the outside she would start some community outreach program to improve the lives of the Rukongai denizens. 

Internally though, it’s complicated. I’m not going to get into it here but I think Hinamori and Aizen have a lot more in common than either would admit and I think a big part of their relationship was almost like a response to the roles they both had to play within the Seireitei, roles they didn’t necessarily agree with. 

While writing this I kept thinking: who would Hinamori be if she had not joined the gotei (and if Soul Society had other avenues for souls like hers)? I think she would still retain her moral compass and ambition, but what would that look like on the outside? Maybe in direct opposition to the Seireitei, participating in or even leading an upheaval? And that’s a hard pill to swallow, that if circumstances were just a little different, she could find herself on the other side. (Not in the same way though, for obvious reasons.)

I think Hinamori would agree with the following: that violence has history, and crime—instead of a law broken—can be seen as a relationship that has been damaged. A relationship between people, between communities, between systems, a relationship of trust. (I mean, isn’t that what the Soul Society arc was about? Isn’t that what Aizen preyed on?) 

I think Hinamori knows that the cause of Aizen and co’s defection was rooted in the history of the underbelly of the system they uphold. I think this goes back to how they lack the language and space to acknowledge this reality and engage in meaningful and productive dialogue to the betterment of the institution, the perpetrators (because they are and have to be a part of this conversation), the victims and community. 

So, do I think Hinamori could forgive Aizen? As lieutenant, I think she would have to come to terms with and understand the greater “why” of his defection to proceed responsibly. For models like restorative and transformative justice, the victim has to be the one to initiate the conversation and it has to be mutually agreed upon. Interestingly, she was not given that choice when the Wandenreich invaded. It may sound defeatist, but I think this is something that must be continuously processed: for as long as she works for the gotei, Aizen becomes more a concept than a person. Every once in a while, when a new enemy rises or when she hears the whisper of a wandering ghost, she’ll remember his words.

For Hinamori Momo, someone who feels deeply and values greatly, I don’t think it’s as simple as to forgive or not forgive (maybe it’s something beyond that). Aizen had a great impact on her and I’m sure some of the knowledge she gained she still believes in and incorporates into her work. I don’t want to take that away from her, nor do I think that means she’s still holding out hope to one day pick up where they left off. It’s not denying his violence or solely championing the good times, it’s about recognizing that in some ways she valued his mentorship and guidance. That he took up a major space in her life that cannot be taken up by another nor can she wave it away like it never happened. It’s a transformative process, taking something and crafting it into your image, and sometimes that’s the hardest path to take.

But like I said, I don’t think their society has the tools to facilitate this type of conversation without alienating another (like, I don’t think the gotei questions her being there, but maybe every once in a while, when she messes up on something they’ll attribute it to her trauma, which can be pretty damaging. It’s a cycle—she’s off her game for whatever reason —> they’ll think it’s because of Aizen —> that makes her even more anxious and resentful because is it? How is she to know if no one wants to openly talk —> so on and so forth). I said I see Hinamori as someone who is always asking herself “am I feeling this right?” and this is definitely one of those instances. 

-----------

I don’t think this answers your question, anon, but I hope you see where I’m coming from! Thank you so much for the ask. I had a lot of fun thinking it through<33

[lausterdomyamong]

Can we learn a bit more about your hsr sona? What is her relationship with Ratio like? What does she think of Aventurine? (Considering how him and Ratio spend much of the Penacony quest bickering). What is her general view of Ratios trip to Penacony?

This is going to be long, I haven't checked my inbox this past month — sorry for such late answer in advance !

Moving on, I'm glad you asked this question about my sona! There are many things to explore between her character and her relationship with canon characters which I'm not really daring to talk about that much. I have her info in Thai, but since I haven't write anything in english for a while now, this might came out a bit wonky with the wording and all, feel free to ask more after you finished reading it!

I'll call her Lauster while we're talking, so it's easy to read than call her my sona repeatedly– let's go.

My HSR sona + relationship with canon characters.

With Veritas Ratio, the very first time they met — they were classmates at Intelligentsia Guild. She wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, thus meeting THE Veritas Ratio, making her feel admire as much as she despise to be on the same team with him, or opposite team, in any project. He was just that outstanding, so confident, so bright that she must close her eyes shut. Lauster hates how sharp-witted he is, hates how much he was so right about everything, hates how he never conceal or sugarcoating his words, hates that he constructively helping others. Slowly, that changes, after some times she spent with him, she feels genuinely attracted by said trait she sworn to hate so much.

She liked him first. She fell hard, she never knew how her heart would yearn for his voice, his stern look, his mind which never stuck to the past. She hated him before, but that changes. He was never selfish in her eyes, the egotistical, rude, and overly confident facade was just how people tend to literally perceived him just as that, it's not what he truly is. She didn't learn the hard way, because that was how Veritas always is. Not many people have such a tender and kind goal as his. To cure and help people to be free from their own idiocy, to be able to stand up on their own legs, even without any helping hand.

It was pure admiration that lead her up to this point, you can say that she is a Ratio defender, she literally is lmao. She is the epitome of hsr fandom if media literacy isn't dead — someone who doesn't judge Ratio by his cover and shallowly decided that was his whole character. Lauster has her own ego, one of them is to be someone who knows Ratio oh-so-well. But that kinda killing her too.

It wasn't completely one-sided. They dated at some point. Ratio does like her company, but he does think that she doesn't fit the life of a scholar, she is destructive to herself, too much of a perfectionist to the point that she suffered from her own idealization. He liked how she was a romanticism, it was interesting to explore her psyche as a person — surely noticed that she wouldn't survive a day in harsh reality, she will break, she feels too much, she would crumble from the inside out. You can say it is a opposite attraction, he is grounded to reality, where she is drowned in emotion and her own dream.

There were a lot of good time between tge two. But it was a sad relationship, honestly. She never once feel jealous of her love one's success. She truly is happy for how Ratio is thriving on his path, she was elated to be in his arms, to be lived by him, to see him persue his dream (that isn't to join Genius Society). But what killing their relationship is how her being a self-destructive perfectionist. She tried hard to be good on her works too, but there were too many external factors that keep her from being well, she tried not to a burden to him.

They loved each other, but they weren't meant to be. That realization hits Lauster first, it destroyed her. But Ratio view it differently, which is why he tried to help her, to grow, to be able to stand on her own feet again.

Then, stuff happened– she disappeared one day from Intelligentsia Guild. With thing left unsaid to each other, Ratio is striving to find her across the galaxy again.

___________________________

With Aventurine, to be honest, there wasn't so much depth I've been thinking about, they were civil and nice with one another. But one thing that is interesting to be reckon is Lauster actually hates the IPC. Her life on her planet was rough because of them, she hates their reputation, as she grew, she learned enough to acknowledge that IPC as a whole is awful.

But she does know the fact that Aventurine was a slave before, he doesn't have the choice to be engage in their system. He too — was a victim of IPC, she was well aware. So at least, on the first encounter where she met him, she was acting indifferent and being civil. She wasn't harsh or mean, but also not overly nice nor sending pitied eyes. It was a normal amount of kindness as one human shall receive. This is where Aven start to like her as a friend.

The two came around each other and form a beautiful friendship eventually. You can say that she is the only one who doesn't care (and I mean, her gaf is on vacation when she is with Aven) about his antics, even enable him to a lot of length. She doesn't really want him to buy her stuffs as a friendship reward. I can say they were really close friends where they can trauma bonding to a degree lmao.

____________________

The last question is— to be honest, if she's still with Ratio at the time, she may wish him a safe trip only. Despite being someone who lives in the fantasy, she doesn't want to visit Penacony at all. While she was intrigued in the concept of it long time ago, she already mentally living in a dream every day, so she wasn't interested to physically be in one (not really but you get what I mean). Living in a dream was sweet, but she has been like that her whole life, she knew how tiresome it would be sometimes. (Yeah, she is neurodivergent.)

Anyway, thank you for reading such a long post! If you have question, feel free to slide into my ask box !

[jesstasticvoyage]

Opinions on these DJATS ships?: (book and show) Karengraham, Daisybilly,Edmila, Warrenlisa. Also, Rod Reyes is an underrated DJATS character and I loved his ending.

Oh boy… 😂 weeeeeeell. My memory isn’t the best and my opinions between book and show ships tend to blur. Except for Edmila since that one didn’t exist in the book.

Karengraham - I felt that they were always meant to be a fling as soon as you realized Karen and Graham had different views on the future. Don’t get me wrong, I loved their dynamic and thought they had great chemistry but Graham wanted someone to settle down and have a family with which didn’t match what Karen wanted out of life.

DaisyBilly- this is such a complicated mess. Personally, after everything Billy went through with his father issues, lack of self control, low confidence, you name it. He needed to spend more time with recovery and see a therapist. To me, Daisy turned into a new kind of drug for him that he clearly couldn’t get enough of. Now, this is where it gets messy because I am in the camp (as unpopular as this is) that believes he was in love with two different women at the same time. I also think that even though the book never came out and acknowledged it that, to me, he did cheat on Camila with Daisy. The reactions were far too dramatic for it to be a near kiss (in the book) and a parking lot kiss (in the show). I wish the show and book went into more about how long and what happened after Camila passed away for Billy to see Daisy. And, I don’t know if this is because I’m getting older or what, but I do feel that if I was in Camila’s place I would want to encourage my husband to seek happiness and not let it die with me. Again, this is so complicated and one of those discussions that can go on and on. There’s a lot of emotions and history and unknowns here. Plus the cheating on both Billy and Camilas part further complicates it. When he was WITH Camila physically and emotionally it made me warm and fuzzy inside. They worked well together and were really lovey dovey in their scenes. Just watching them together is a guaranteed smile from me. When he was with Daisy you can see just how charged and alive he is creatively and that creativity was his passion. Daisy shared that same passion with him, which I also enjoyed seeing play out. I felt very much like Billy (reading and watching every thing unfold) and couldn’t decide which path to choose. Which made the whole experience enjoyable as I usually have a clear cut choice when I watch love triangles. But I know I’m alone in this camp.

EdMila- I know Eddie tends to be the least favorite character, and I didn’t like him in the book, but in the show you can actually see he was in love with Camila. And I feel Camila knew this and used him. It wasn’t a shining moment in her life and as someone who watched her parents marriage fall apart before my eyes (when I was a kid) I can see why she did what she did. Doesn’t make it right as she and Billy should have ended things before it reached that point. Divorce wasn’t unheard of during that time but hell, Camila did warn Billy their relationship would be over if he loves Daisy. But sometimes severing a relationship gets harder to do especially when children are involved. (I see this with the domestic abuse cases through my job)

WarrenLisa - They were perfect for each other. I wish the show talked more about them seeing each other and for how long like the book did.

SimoneBernie - I wanted more of them!! God, they were the only healthy relationship in the whole show. It makes me mad a lot of people found their episode boring when it was the one of my favorites!

Rod Reyes - 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 I wanted him to find love on the show but I guess they didn’t have time to incorporate that. There really should have been at least 2 more episodes since there was SO much that could have been added.

[faeparrish]

Hello I finally finished greywaren and I’m really curious to know what is your opinion of the epilogue? I’ve seen mixed reviews about it 🤔🤔

hm yeah. i’ve been trying to gather my thoughts on the ending because i also have slightly mixed feelings about it. i loved the book as a whole but the epilogue felt like it missed the mark several times. there were parts i liked but generally speaking i think stief could’ve done a lot better; i got the sense she rushed through it and just tried to throw as many old characters and inoffensive moments into it as possible. considering it’s essentially the epilogue to the entire trc series i can understand that it was probably a lot of pressure to write but it definitely fell short as a satisfying ending to this world. i’m gonna try and break down my thoughts under the cut because there were a lot of things that stuck out to me!

i think the main issue with the epilogue for me was the tone; it was so vastly different to the rest of this series and it didn’t seem to fit naturally into the story at all. it all felt very cutesy and everything’s all tied up in a neat little bow… which didn’t really make sense when one of the major themes of the books was about not fitting into boxes, the power of forging your own path, etc. i think for a series that embraces imperfection and confronting the messy parts of life, it ended very…neatly. like it felt far too idyllic. in comparison to trc epilogue which was such a beautiful and bittersweet send-off, this just didn’t have the same impact at all. i really liked the open-ended energy of the trk epilogue, and i think that kind of style could’ve worked just as well for greywaren.

kinda jumping off the first point but it felt too much like fan service for it to feel very accurate to the story. ending it on a wedding felt.. idk i don’t wanna say cringe but it was kinda cringe lol 😔 some of the character cameos were also really random like why tf was henry’s mum at their “close friends” wedding and why does declan suddenly have this weird frenemies situation going on with her 😭 also why were the fox way ladies at declan’s wedding lmfao i don’t think they ever even interacted. i also don’t quite understand why the new fenian and mór just moved into the barns again, especially considering mór was the one who wanted to leave in the first place; her whole thing was about wanting more and now she just tends a farm and lives the simple life? idk maybe it makes sense from a different angle but i can’t see it

there were definitely some parts of it i enjoyed; i found the whole gansey and blue boring everyone w their degrees thing rlly funny. matthew working for free on a sweet potato farm was also quite funny. i liked ronan and gansey’s little conversation, and i liked that adam and ronan are finally able to live independently from one another in their relationship. i think the way the proposal happened was probably accurate to them in the sense that they both know where they stand in their relationship - it implies that they do actually communicate with each other now. then again, after the whole merging consciousnesses thing a proposal doesn’t really feel as impactful lmao. maybe that was the point and it wasn’t meant to be seen as a big deal (the way it happened seems to suggest that) but she really wrote one of the most beautiful scenes in the entire series where they became soulmates in the truest and most intentional sense of the word, and then ended the series with them getting casually engaged. they really went and upstaged themselves huh ♥️

also this is slightly outside of the epilogue but i have to say, some of the characters’ arcs were slightly anticlimactic. for example, declan’s whole epiphany about niall felt a bit like a cop out by the end. like all his formative childhood trauma and complicated emotions and years of resentment were essentially resolved when he was like wait i was dad’s favourite? damn ok. forgiven ♥️ like she kind of vaguely delved into his feelings about it but not in a way that felt very considered. we got the moth moment in the epilogue but that was also like. idk. it’s been 4 years i feel like y’all would’ve done this already by now lmao. it just felt squeezed in at the end. and matthew’s arc kind of fizzled out too which was a bit sad. no resolution for the way he was treated by declan especially. he went from going batshit and punching declan clean off his chair (10/10) to hiding in a box and doing some colouring with bryde. like it was a funny scene but it didn’t serve a purpose to matthews character; he just got sidelined again. carmen also got massively sidelined at the end wtf. she was barely mentioned in the epilogue, which sucks considering she was one of the main ensemble, and she had all that unresolved stuff with hennessy. i think it would’ve been nice to see more of those two in the epilogue. and then of course we have adam 😔 who the hell knows what happened there. we know his scenes got cut so there’s not much to say about that now, but when maggie said his arc wasn’t over in trk what she really meant was that it maybe concluded in greywaren, but you’re not allowed to see it ♥️ he’s a fill in the blanks character now. did he ever finish harvard? unclear. what about the crying club? deemed irrelevant by the author. is he a spy? maybe. i like to think he’s in his dana scully era to console the fact that he has a government job (🫤👎)

anyway tldr: i really wasn’t expecting that kind of ending so i was slightly thrown off when i read it. it also read a bit like fanfiction and was a little too neat/predictable for this particular series. it didn’t feel like it worked alongside the rest of the book and some of the characters didn’t get satisfying endings. i’d say overall i loved the book but the epilogue/ending was slightly underwhelming and felt very rushed.

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

I have to say this because I hate when Sasuke or SNS being compared to Bakugou or bkdk. For starters, the fandom tends to hate Sasuke because many talk about his character arc as a spoil kid who just wanted to kill for fun. This isn't true, Sasuke's story begins as a child who had everything, a family, a powerful clan, etc and who lost everything. We have to add that Sasuke himself sought approval of his father to proudly carry the Uchiha emblem, the boy spent a month practicing the fireball jutsu, which was a family tradition if someone wanted to carry the family emblem with pride. He trained until exhaustion and physically hurting himself to win his father's recognition in the same way as his brother how was the prodigy. However, Sasuke and Itachi's relationship is interesting, because instead of having a sibling rivalry or Sasuke loathing Itachi, Sasuke loved him, he was one of his most important people and wanted to spend time around him. When the massacre happened, it was carried out by his brother, the one he admired and loved so much, and put him in a nightmare to relive each murder and told him that he had killed everyone because he wanted to show that he had power, and then leave him alive telling him that when he gets stronger go and try to kill him (this is the story at the beginning then it develops completely differently)

After this, Sasuke only knows the pain of loss and the obsession to increase his strength to avenge his clan, even team 7 wasn't enough, Orochimaru, Itachi and many other events made Sasuke make decisions that some consider bad or erratic, but that comes from the previous trauma and this follows him throughout the plot but with different characters. What I'm getting at with this is that Sasuke's story is meant to be a complex character, with a developmental arc that was devised by the mangaka from the beginning and therefore developed accordingly, Sasuke's reasoning could be wrong for some readers, I'm not going to judge, people can love or hate the character if they want, but Sasuke stands by himself, his character doesn't need Naruto to tell his own story, that is very different from Bakugou which he doesn't share greater attribute than being the supposed rival/abuser of the protagonist and where Horikoshi didn't know how to propose a development arc that would separate them.

About SNS, here I can get hate from those who hate or have different opinions, but both characters are written by Kishimoto not only because of the odd parallelism, but mostly because they are complementary opposites (to the point that at end of the work both represent yin and yang). Kishimoto develops both characters together, both are characters who lived through great loneliness, one doesn't want to create bonds with others because he knows the pain of loss, while the other desperately seeks to create bonds because he has never had them, and that how their relationship develops, it's not pretty, it's not healthy because the world they live in never gave them the opportunity to be otherwise. They get hurt and fight because it's the only way they know and yeah, Sasuke wants to kill Naruto, but he says "When Itachi died I thought I was finally alone, but there was still Naruto." Naruto ironically is the last connection he has left and he needs to kill him because otherwise he will never be able to follow the path he determined to follow. It should be clarified that I'm not saying this to romanticize violence, but rather I want to emphasize that every fight and moment between them is loaded with anguish and has a meaning, compared to this bkdk has no chance, because their relationship is not half as deep, Bk he hurt Midoriya for his own insecurity, he believed that Midoriya was a stone in the road that he should kick, and throughout the manga he hurts him for the simple fact that he doesn't mind doing it, he attacked him and said "he won't die if he dodges it" and he continued being violent, the only reason he changed his mind is because Midoriya got a quirk, or someone seriously believes that Bakugou would have thought of a quirkless Deku if he entered the UA alone and fulfilled his goals? Sasuke and Naruto's relationship is complicated but their story doesn't allow them to be anything else, Bakugou is just the mangaka's favorite character who became popular and who has no other plot than hanging on the MC, because he can't contribute anything by himself thats why Horikoshi would tie every important moment of Bakugou to Midoriya and OFA.

Sorry for this long post and sorry friendly bkdk shipper an even Bakugou fans I don't want to shit in your fave but his character will never be Sasuke because even if Horikoshi took Naruto like a reference he never did a good job about this relationship.

^All of this. I’ve got nothing to add.

[talenlee]

How To Be: Sothe Pathofradiance (In 4e D&D)

In How To Be we’re going to look at a variety of characters from Not D&D and conceptualise how you might go about making a version of that character in the form of D&D that matters on this blog, D&D 4th Edition. Our guidelines are as follows:

This is going to be a brief rundown of ways to make a character that ‘feels’ like the source character

This isn’t meant to be comprehensive or authoritative but as a creative exercise

While not every character can work immediately out of the box, the aim is to make sure they have a character ‘feel’ as soon as possible

The character has to have the ‘feeling’ of the character by at least midway through Heroic

When building characters in 4th Edition it’s worth remembering that there are a lot of different ways to do the same basic thing. This isn’t going to be comprehensive, or even particularly fleshed out, and instead give you some places to start when you want to make something.

Another thing to remember is that 4e characters tend to be more about collected interactions of groups of things – it’s not that you get a build with specific rules about what you have to take, and when, and why, like you’re lockpicking your way through a design in the hopes of getting an overlap eventually. Character building is about packages, not programs, and we’ll talk about some packages and reference them going forwards.

Who are we looking at this month? Well, since this series was started off by Hilda from Three Houses, it seems positively rude on my part to not reach once more to the Fire Emblem well, with its wonderfully varied names and … embarrassingly limited mechanical scope.

Let’s look at a character from a Gamecube game about fighting a dragon, or a god, or the black knight, or something.

Examining Sothe

Setting aside the way he shows up in any other ‘this relates to Fire Emblem’ media like Fire Emblem Heroes, Sothe is present in two games: Fire Emblem: Pool of Radiance and Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn. After doing extensive research into the Fire Emblem franchise, and built an extensive understanding of the game’s existing lore and general play fantasy, I have gathered information about the importance of this plot-vital character. As best I can tell, there’s no actual reason to care that much about keeping Sothe around. He’s the second thief you get in a game where you don’t need any thieves. In Path of Radiance, Sothe is there to set up his appearance in the second game, where I understand he’s much cooler. Poor guy got it rough.

Know what is cool though about Fire Emblem? It has a bunch of systemic information about the character. At a glance, I can tell that Sothe has a starting strength of 5, but a skill of 7 and a speed of 11. These are not the same stats as you’d see in D&D but you can interrogate what they’re meant to represent.

Sothe’s strength adds to his physical damage, but his skill and speed improve his critical hit rate. Critical hit rates aren’t something you can do a lot with in 4e D&D, but that’s still a sign that this character might not be the most powerful, aggressive fighter, not someone who can deadlift things, but thanks to his ability to hit things at the right time and the right place, he can do a lot of damage. Sothe doesn’t have any meaningful magical ability, and it doesn’t improve that well.

Also, in terms of what he does badly, he doesn’t have good defense or resistance, and those things don’t improve much either. In Radiant Dawn, he gets to be more or less the same thing, but moreso, with a special skill for dealing more damage to shapeshifting monsters. All of this mechanically indicates pretty much what you’d expect at the idea of a ‘sly thief’.

Alright, then, Sothe is a thief, mobile, able to engage in fights but not an individual who can pick up a horse and throw it. Light armour seems obvious, since that would be good for mobility, and he uses knives. All this stuff is covered pretty conveniently in most of our optional builds, so there’s no concern there.

Sothe’s beast-stalking seems… kind of hard to do anything with. That can be covered in D&D with silvered weapons, which are low priority in my opinion.

Glossary Note: Conventionally, the term used in D&D for this mechanical package is race. This is the typical term, and in most conversations about this game system, the term you’re going to wind up using is race. For backwards compatibility and searchability, I am including this passage here. The term I use for this player option is heritage.

Light armour, some strength (if you can spare it), good dexterity (so picking a class and heritage that amplify those options), and skills that let you sneak around and steal things.

I mean I’m not going to lie to you, I started thinking ‘this guy is just a thief, right?’ and I’m not wrong. An added challenge for Sothe, though, is the question of how do you add variety to a build for a character who at his heart is a game piece designed to slot into the spot of ‘a thief’?

Idea 1: The Rogue

Well duh.

Idea 2: The Ranger

If you like the idea of being a sneaky damage dealer like Sothe, but for some reason, you dont’ want to be ‘a thief’ – I mean why, how, what is it about Sothe that pulls your attention here, I do not get it – another good option is the Ranger. Rangers can be built with a lot of dexterity, and with attacks that use Dexterity to attack people. The best Ranger attack, Twin Strike, is a good example too, where you can (say) throw a pair of daggers at someone’s face with your knives. The skillset mostly lines up too and you can use themes to pick up more skills that fit your vision of this thiefy character. Amn is a good one – it gives you Streetwise and Thievery, which

I mean

Sothe is a Thief. You probably want Thievery, right?

Idea 3: The Warlord

Alright, now I know I’m pushing towards the edges, but bear with me here.

Sothe does not ‘heal’ people in Forced Femblem. Healing in that game is a very specific mechanic that works a particular way. But there is a build of the Warlord that cares about making opportunities and not making its own attacks.

The idea is a ‘Lazy Warlord.’ Fire Emblem is a game where units sometimes spend turn after turn not attacking and just waiting for things to engage you. You can, in fact, just idle on a map but be there, necessarily, because of some plot reason or another. I’ve watched enough Firey Wirey Emblemy Wemblemy to know that the core of the game is very much often about parking plot-relevant characters where they can’t be accidentally critted to death by randoms and turning the map into a kill box.

For that, I would suggest, a lazy warlord. Sothe is there, but Sothe isn’t there to fight. Sothe is there to enable your fighting, and to take advantage of opportunities.

In just heroic, you can do this with the following powers as you level up:

Commander’s Strike (At Will)

Direct the Strike (At Will)

Overwhelming Force Trap (Encounter)

Powerful Warning (Encounter)

Friendly Fire (Encounter)

Destructive Surprise

Scent of Victory

With this power layout, you literally don’t need to be able to attack on your own at all. You can even take Fey Beast Tamer as your theme, and have a pet that can do your opportunity attacks or granted attacks. This is a build that doesn’t need any magical weapons at all, and that’s pretty wild!

Junk Drawer

Within the limits of a martial, non-magical character type that is lightly armoured, Sothe pretty much taps it out and reaches his goal immediately. Once you’re willing to expand a little bit, the Avenger becomes immediately obvious as an option for a weapon-wielding character that isn’t high strength, and cares about light armour and mobility. If you’re willing to allow some arcane magic into your Sothe’s life, you could also turn to the Skald, wielding a knife and letting people heal themselves while you attack around them.

I’ve talked about it before, but some characters line up obviously in what they do and how they do it. The trick then is to look for the next thing.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[silyabeeodess]

FusionFall Headcanons: Dexbots and Mandroids

Don’t be surprised if, as you attempt to make one purchase on one side of Tech Square, a robot from the opposing company zips over to try to lure you into buying something from them instead. The Dexbots and Mandroids rival against each other as much as their creators and the scientists that work with them do.  If you don’t want them bothering you with their competition every visit, you might be better off just picking a side.    

The Dexlabs and Mandroids play all sorts of roles in both their companies and the war, from selling various products to nano development. Part of this is due to the heavy involvement of Dexlabs and Mandark Industries within the Fusion Fighters, but it’s also because of their own conflicts.  Think of the rivalry between Disney and Warner, which was so fierce that in the film, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, in order for them to agree to have a crossover with two companies’ characters, they had to put in conditions that the characters would have the same amount of screentime.  The Dexlabs/Mandark Industries rivalry is at least at that level, so whenever one is involved in something, the other is bound to either join in or come up with a competing project. As such, both types of robots are recognized everywhere, the Dexbots only appearing more often to the public due to Dexlabs itself having a stronger foothold in public works already.  Many also often find the Dexbots to be friendlier, so they’re the ones people tend to interact with most if given the choice.       

There are a couple reasons why Dexbots, Mandroids and other robots like Computress were able to avoid being taken over by fusion spawns where those such as the Tech Drones couldn’t.  One key difference is that they all possess a highly advanced AI, which meant they could develop their own personalities and sense of self-preservation that allowed them to escape/fight against the spawns on their own.  The other big reason is, because of this individuality between the robots and regular engagement with Earth’s populous, they often came to be treated more as people than machines.  I mentioned something I called the Velveteen Rabbit Effect when discussing nano personalities that I’d like to bring up here as well.  In this case, by collectively treating the robots as if they were human, they did indeed become more human-like, more “real.”  Imaginary energy (IE) would be imprinted on them from this mass belief, offering them a greater amount of protection than other machines from fusion matter itself.   

Side note: This natural defense did not occur for the robots seen in Hero’s Hollow, as they were machines of war and weren’t given the same regard as the Dexbots and Mandroids.  Many of them were also likely reproduced at the last minute, so even if they had an advanced AI, they wouldn’t have had time to develop an independent consciousness from their assigned purpose.  

Nevertheless, despite these points, it should be noted that the Dexbots and Mandroids are still machines by the end of the day.  Much of their individual personalities are still determined by their creators, which is why the Dexbots act more amiable while the Mandroids tend to be ruder and more threatening: They express the wills of Dexter and Mandark.  We also see how much is still dependent on their programming, as in the mission “Leek Cheats,” a large group of Mandroids were hacked by Fusion Mandark and attacked us players.     

Fuse could potentially go after them in the same way he did Megas, but he sees it as a waste of time/resources since the robots aren’t anywhere near as big of a threat, what with most of them not being built for combat in the first place, and they’re just a bunch of small targets.  For him, it would be like swatting at gnats when there’s a tiger in his path.  It was much easier to have a fusion hijack their systems than try to destroy them all or disable them with fusion matter. 

The description for the Mandroids notes that they obey Mandark only, which made it even more of a wound to his pride when they were hacked. Mandark likely insisted on this due to his ego and a need for control over everything that goes on in his company.  In contrast, I imagine Dexter would give some clearance to certain others to have command over some of the Dexbots. This would allow Dexlabs’ chain of command to run smoother and give Dexter himself more freedom to work on his own since he wouldn’t have to worry as much over what the Dexbots were/weren’t doing.  

One common thing the Dexbots and Mandroids argue about between each other is how liked they are.  Dexbots are proud of the fact that their public image is better than the Mandroids, while the Mandroids feel that they are much closer to Mandark as their creator than the Dexbots are with Dexter. 

Despite their rivalry, both Dexbots and Mandroids view Computress in high-regard.  One example of this is Mandroid M-99, who admits in some of the game’s dialogue that “his optical sensors find [her] very attractive.” 

[autumnslance]

Do you ever get tired of people comparing trauma between Yotsuyu and Fordola? Or how some say Yotsuyu should have lived and Fordola should have died?

I manage to avoid most of it, honestly. Folks who spend a lot of time and energy on character hate don’t tend to get my follows, and sometimes even get filtered/muted, depending on platform. I don’t go digging through the tags very often, either, just take what comes across my dash, and I keep my following count low for various reasons (mostly having to do with my own time, energy, and sanity). Still, there are things I see, so I sigh and eyeroll, and scroll on.

Fordola and Yotsuyu were meant to be two versions of the same story, in two different places, showing the damage of not only the Empire but from their own people, and how that played its part in driving them to accepting the Empire—their abusive conquerers—as the better of bad options for their own goals of security, safety, strength.

I do think one story is told better than the other; I don’t think they should have avoided the nastier parts of Yotsuyu’s history, but the way it was done was clumsy and just didn’t work within the MMO story limits. Especially adding in the infantilization via amnesia, and how poorly Hien is written in handling the Yotsuyu issue, which keeps affecting Doma’s story even through Endwalker. If Hien were just screwing up, OK, he’s young and new to ruling, but he’s simply not allowed to be the heroic character he’s supposed to be through it.

Anyway; I figured either Yotsuyu or Fordola would die, and the other get to work toward redemption. Toward learning and seeing a different way than the one they had spent most or all of their lives laboring under amid abuse, discrimination, and propaganda. While the other gets a redemptive moment, but dies in the process. It was simply a matter of which one.

“Death Equals Redemption”, while a popular trope, can also too often be a cop-out. The audience is supposed to “forgive” someone for one shining moment after a lot of bad while they escape actual consequences, actual effort, in dealing with what they did. It’s often an appeasement; give a villain their comeuppance for those who want to see it, while also some kind of nice moment for the fans of that character. But real redemption takes time and personal work, and does not at all mean someone has to be forgiven by those they’ve wronged. Yotsuyu’s is handled better than some. She did learn a few things, and genuinely cared for Gosetsu. If she couldn’t have her revenge on Doma, she could at least get Asahi for everything he’d done, and I maintain she went into that situation knowing that was the best she’d get as it was otherwise suicide-by-WoL, which was also acceptable to her as she regained her memories and the ability to feel remorse with them. But she also doesn’t get the chance to move forward from that moment, which is a waste of those lessons and the ability to put them into practice, which is where some of the fan disappointment comes in.

I think it turned out as it did because Lyse takes to heart the lessons she had learned through the story, combined with her life as a Scion, giving her a more global view in general. She’s able to find a different path for all of Ala Mhigo, letting go of their tumultuous history to build a new future together, so offers that opportunity to Fordola. Hien can’t quite yet see the societal issues in Doma that he stands within and gets written into a corner, especially with the portrayal of trying to rebuild Doma similar to how it used to be, holding onto traditions that gave the Domans strength through the occupation (as they hadn’t the same issues that Ala Mhigo did pre-empire).

Yotsuyu and Fordola have different but just as valid abuses and traumas—and commit similar abuses and traumas on others—though some folks feel more sympathy for one than the other. For some fans it’s a reflection of their own painful pasts, letting them empathize with one or the other more. For some folks, it’s simply finding one character’s personality more grating than the other. For some, it’s simply about finding one “hotter” than the other, a matter of basic aesthetic appeal. There’s some folks who don’t think antagonists should get a chance to change and find redemption at all, especially if they conflate “forgiveness” in it, which the game has deliberately shown is not the same a few times now. And for some, it’s the perceived unfairness in how one story is clumsily resolved in tragedy, while the other is getting what I actually think is the best written and paced redemption story in a game that usually handwaves those for our reforming antagonists. In many cases, it’s simply character preference leading to emotional responses, and not about what the characters are bringing to the narrative and why.

Because you can’t really have one character without the other within the “war and what comes after” story of Stormblood. These women are comparisons and commentary on the imperialism/colonialism, but also on their respective nations. Their stories work in tandem, separate but the same in many ways, challenging their narrative foils (Lyse and Hien) to think and consider and learn; one fails, the other succeeds, due to how they are moving toward their nations’ futures. Tearing down one woman to elevate the other is missing a point in what these characters mean for a story of societal redemption, as well as their own individually, and what they teach the heroes along the way.

[admiringlove]

hurtful things

+synopsis: genshin boys and the hurtful things they said.

+genre: angst; headcanons.

+characters: kaeya; diluc; childe; zhongli.

+warnings: swearing; crying; implied panic attack.

+order: hey bubs! i saw you doing requests and i HAD to ask for genshin angst :) spare me some tears pls <//3 preferably w kaeya or diluc or childe :) [submitted by @crackheadsara​]

+author’s note: okay so i included zhongli bc he’s the love of my life, also i needed comfort from him after writing such hurtful things :D

+navigation: main menu, genshin menu.

— KAEYA.

“i’m better off without you.”

you know from the way your door was knocked in the middle of the night on a weekday after months, that it’s kaeya. you rub your eyes sleepily, trudging towards the door as anger and doubt fuse into a nasty green in your mind. 

you unlock the door, pulling it open to see the man with the eyepatch tapping his foot on the deck of your home impatiently. he smirks when his eye lands on you, attempting to walk in but stopping himself when he realizes you're standing at the door, unmoving. 

"kaeya, it's three in the morning. and it's monday. i have to report to jean in three hours," you mumble tiredly as you look up at him. the lamp grass by your windowsill outside and the moonlit night accentuated his cerulean eyes and contrasting coffee-colored skin. he frowns, peering down at you as he asks, "may i come in?"

you shrug, opening the door wide as you let the man in. he places his sword on the table and proceeds to walk into the bedroom when you ask, "where have you been for the past two weeks?"

"work," his reply is the same. you let out a sigh in impatience as you retort, "that's the same excuse as always."

he was tired and wanted to sleep off the fatigue from his latest mission. but when he hears you say that, something in him snaps and he turns around, his jaw clenched and a fixed glare making you a little agitated. he raises an eyebrow as he says, "well, unlike you, i am an actual important member of the knights of favonius."

"kaeya, all i meant was that you're always gone. you never write a letter back even if i send you one, and you somehow manage to come back every single time, expecting that it doesn't hurt me. what am i supposed to do?" your voice is small as you look down, hair drooping towards the ground. you're not even yelling at him, you're just worried. he always leaves you alone(sometimes you tag along, but you couldn't tell why nowadays he'd leave you alone without some sort of warning).

"does it ever occur to you that you're just a hindrance?" he bites back, thinking that you're trying to put up a front. you flinch at his words, causing him to force a jeer before he starts again, "you always come along, so maybe i wanted to be away from you for a bit. that's why i leave without a warning so i don't have to tend to your yapping all day. because i'm better off without you."

you gasp as you look up to his figure, now retreating to your shared bedroom. you hear him fall onto the bed with a content sigh as you stand there, wiping at your tears incessantly as hiccups escape your lips. you bit your tongue to stop yourself from crying, pressing a hand on your mouth to muffle the sounds so you don't disturb kaeya. you get a quick peek in, eyes widening when you see him sound asleep and tucked in. 

so that's how it was, you think. 

the next morning, kaeya wakes up to a cold bed as his arm reaches out to an empty space. his eyes immediately pry open as he wakes up, to see that you weren't here. 

ah, he ponders to himself, you must've gone to tend to your duties. 

he stretches, letting out a yawn before walking out to the kitchen. he smiles when he sees a plate of food left for him on the countertop with a note from you. but somehow, something felt very wrong about this whole ordeal. this had happened before—he had come back from insanely long missions to you before, so what felt different?

and then it hits him. the things he said last night. he frantically looks around, his azure eyes completely drowned in horror as he notices small changes in your shared household. a few picture frames are missing on the living room walls, your keychain isn't on the bookshelf anymore, and worst of all, when he runs into the closet, half of your clothes are gone. 

did you really feel that bad about what he said?

in panic, he runs out and keeps going till he reaches the headquarters of the knights. he barges in this time, not returning the greetings of the guards upfront as he walks into jean's office. 

"where are they?" he pants, "i-i messed up, do you know where they are?"

jean's eyes widen as she says, "our associates were having a hard time handling with the fatui in liyue harbor so they volunteered to go there for sometime."

"how long has it been?"

"they left long ago, it's about to be around ten hours since," she says. kaeya's heart shatters as he hears those words. he hadn't expected you to outright leave like that, but if you had said the same things to him, he definitely would've stormed out. his voice cracks as he looks at the ground in shame, "h-how long until they'll be back?"

"i.. don't know."

he regrets everything he's said. he truly does because he doesn't even notice that tears are streaming down his cheeks until jean comes to his aid. he hates himself for all of it—he hates that he has to live in a home where traces of you are visible everywhere; worst of all, he hates how he knows he lost you for good. even if you come back, he knows you wouldn’t run and melt into his arms like you did before. you’re gone now, fading into the darkness and away from him. 

maybe it was for the best.

— DILUC.

“you’re nothing but a burden.”

after taking on a few abyss mages and mitachurls, diluc lets a grunt out in pain before you see the slash on his right arm. you gasp, pulling him to the side of the lake as you pull out a bandage and cotton from your bag to clean his wounds. he's reluctant to it at first, but he sits there quietly and broods as you clean the blood with cotton and some type of healing ointment. 

you tie the bandage on his arm, a tiny bit of vermillion liquid seeping through the white cloth before sitting down next to him, finally catching a breath. sighing, you look up at him and say, "that was reckless."

"no, what you did was reckless. who told you to come along with me to dadaupa gorge? you knew what you were getting into when you came along, so don't put this on me," he grumbled, frowning as you look at him with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows. you are sort of hurt, but you know he's only saying this in faux indignation, so it's okay. you chuckle out, beginning, "diluc, i was-"

"i don't know why i even bother with you at this point," he exasperates, looking into the distance behind you. he curses slightly under his breath, his rouge eyes filled to the brim with anger as it finally overflows, "you're nothing but a burden."

your eyes suddenly flick to gape at him in disbelief. you stand up, your voice hitching in your throat as you ask, "diluc, you mean that?"

and it all simmers down into ashes when he mumbles "of course i do" under his breath. your vision is blurry as you walk away from the red-haired man, your body trembling as you almost give away that you're crying your eyes out. you walk back in the direction the two of you came from, leaving your broken heart in the hands of diluc, who sat by the lake not muttering a word after. 

he knows he's said things he doesn't mean; he does that all the time, but you probably knew that. he figures you're leaving to catch a breath of fresh air—to be away from the tension-filled environment for a bit, you had a habit of doing that at home. he sighs as he ponders over his words for a bit. he knew it was wrong to display such harshness to you, but you probably knew he didn't mean anything by it. he always bubbled over rash things when he was frustrated. 

the sun sets in front of him, painting hues of aubergine and peach as it flows down. he wonders where you are, getting up from his spot by the lake to venture towards the path you walked off. 

only when he can't find you, is when he thinks that you might've actually taken offense to his words. although he cares about you sincerely, he finishes his mission first, getting a lead on the abyss order—because protecting monstadt was his first priority. you lingered in his mind every second of every day till he finally got back home. and when he didn't find you there, he asks adelinde about it, who only shakes her head and tells him, "i'm sorry, master diluc, but i haven't seen them come back. i thought they were with you."

it all pieces together in his mind now, how a small gasp had escaped your lips when he had called you a burden. the way you nodded begrudgingly, getting up and walking away from his presence as your shoulders trembled. the way he could hear you choke back a sob, but still ignored it, thinking you had overreacted in the situation. 

he searches the whole city for you. he searches every nook and corner, and even walks into the headquarters of the knights of favonius(he ignores kaeya's teases instead of biting back this time). and when he finally sees you, he holds himself back. his hand is suspended awkwardly in the air as he reaches out for you, your back turned towards him. 

maybe this was better—maybe it was a good thing that you had walked away from him. this way, the abyss order won't be able to harm you. this way, he won't be able to harm you. this way, you'll be safe and sound, away from the storm known as diluc ragnvindr.

— CHILDE.

“it’s not like you mean anything to me.”

it's not often you see childe. he's always in liyue, and you're here, stuck in monstadt or snezhnaya. it's cold today(as it always is) in snezhnaya, the snow covered almost everything outside as you looked out of your window, sipping on hot coffee as you sigh at the wilting roses on the sill. they'd wilted when you had gone to monstadt and you didn't have the heart to plant new ones.

just thinking about the blue-eyed childish man would make your heart bloom and cheeks flustered. you longed to spend more time with him, really. if only he wasn't affiliated with the fatui, he'd be able to spend more time with you. it had been months since you had seen him, and you longed to be in his arms once again, but who knows when that'll happen again? whenever he comes home, he chooses to spend a night with you and then head back. he'd laugh alongside you, tell you about his adventures, and give small reactions when you told him about yours. and the next morning, you'd wake up to an empty bed with a small note by the table, saying how he has to leave for work.  

a knock at your door snaps you out of your entranced state. as you open the lock and look out, you see childe, standing there with a tired grin and disheveled hair as he walks in without a word. he hands you a small paper bag, saying, "i brought you back something from liyue this time."

the same excuse, you think. it's always the same. he brings back small mementos and souvenirs as a pretense for staying, and by the time you think you can forgive him, he's gone. he plops down onto the sofa, stretching his arm out so you could join him. the thought of confronting him crosses your mind, but you shake it off—since he had only just gotten back. 

the night is the same as always. talking about each others' adventures, eating dinner by the fireplace, laughing alongside one another until you hit the bed. it's quiet now as you watch over his sleeping figure, his lapis-colored eyes now hidden. you sigh as you lay there for hours on end, twiddling with his brown hair as you wait for him to wake up(so this time you can actually say goodbye). 

when his eyes flutter open, he's a little taken aback when he looks over at you to see you wide awake. his brows furrow just a smidge as he says, "you're up."

"well, i wanted to say goodbye this time," you chuckle dryly, "you always leave without waking me up."

"i don't like the way you said that," he says, getting up from his position on the bed. you look away from him, your eyes displaying hurt as you murmur, "i don't like the way you leave."

"well, it's my job. it's not like i'm an adventurer like you, wasting my time around. i'm a harbinger and i have responsibilities," he says. his voice is neither too soft and nor too prickly, and you can tell that he's a little worked up by the way he lightly nips on the skin of his bottom lip as his gaze bores into you. 

"i didn't say you don't. all i said was that you could maybe sometimes stay for more than one night. it feels like you're using me, and when you're bored, you leave."

"oh?" he cocks an eyebrow as he stands up, "i'm using you, huh?"

you grimace at the tone of his voice, and when you look at him, you notice the sheer annoyance he puts up towards you. your voice is small when you ask him if he loves you—because you don't know anymore. seeing him once in a few months for the past few years has sure hurt you more than anything, and if you don't tell him now, then you might never get a chance. 

"what if i say i don't?" he smirks, walking up to you, "it's not like you mean anything to me. what if i agree that i am using you to make myself happy until i'm bored, so i can then throw you away?"

he doesn't like what he's saying either. his mind is screaming at him to stop, but he's worked up. he's irritated by the way you jabbed at him first thing in the morning, even though he knows you're right. his heart almost stops when he looks at the expression on your face after he says those words, and as he reaches out his hand for you, you turn away. 

your voice cracks, and he's sure his heart did as well when you mumble, "i-i'd like you to leave, please."

"wait, i didn't mean-"

"tartaglia," your eyes look into his, perhaps for the last time, as you give him a sad smile, "you don't have to come back to me anymore."

it hurts him as he leaves your home that morning. it hurts him when he comes back months later to see that your home is now empty. it hurts him because he tarnished the you that was once his. 

it hurts him, but he thinks it's for the best if you stay away from him if all he does is bring you pain.

— ZHONGLI.

“i’d like you to leave me alone.”

zhongli was never one to pick fights. he was peaceful; his thoughts were positive(most of the time), and he almost always preferred to talk about his problem rather than fighting about it—he believes that fighting will only bring pain, so why not confide in one another about our problems instead?

he's quiet. he's not shy(it's quite the opposite, actually), but he's one to prefer to only talk when absolutely necessary. he's the type to listen rather than speak, saying something like, "we have two ears and one mouth. speak less than you listen."

he smiles when his mind goes back to the time when he said that to you while having a cup of tea together, and you'd replied, "my mother used to tell me that when i was a child."

because it's true; every child in liyue harbor has heard those words at least once in their lives. the quality of listening is appreciated more than the quality of speaking—and zhongli, for one, was a listener. 

you, on the other hand, were a speaker. you always woke him up every morning with a smile as bright and everlasting as the sun, babbling about breakfast and tea as he got up from the bed. you were the one that carried conversations on your shoulders on morning walks, you were the one that intertwined your fingers with his as the two of you walked amongst flowers, adoring them as you talked about the contrasting colors of silk flowers and glaze lilies. he loved you for that. he loved you because you were a speaker. he loved you because you were a perfect balance, the only one who could soften his hardened heart. the only one whom he'd chosen to wake up next to in the mornings, the only one whom he'd let ruffle his hair without asking(because he secretly liked it). 

so why had he reversed the roles tonight? why was he the one to bubble out his frustrations to you, speaking in a cold and stern manner instead of the loving tone that was only reserved for you? why was he the one to speak tonight, and why were you the one to listen?

it's not like he was actually frustrated—he was only thinking about something else as you asked him what he wanted for dinner. it surely wasn't your fault when he had poured over turbulent words to you. and he knows that the ones that hurt the most probably were, "i'd like you to leave me alone."

he looks up at the stars, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he walks back into his shared home with you. he looks around, and when there's no sign of you, he feels himself break apart even more. 

had you actually left? he wants to run to you and tell you he hadn't meant any of those words because he hadn't. he wants to touch you, to caress you, to please you, to make you smile—and he wants to admit he was wrong. he wants to make it right, but he doesn't know where you are. 

he walks into the empty bedroom, sitting on the cold mattress as his eyes sting. he doesn't understand what's happening, or why there are small drops of water falling from his eyes. he doesn't understand why everything feels heavy all of a sudden—his heart, his throat his lungs, everything. he doesn't understand why he feels like he's trapped in a box, and the water seems to be filling up more quickly than he'd prefer. he wants to reach for air, but he can't.

he couldn't breathe without you. 

he hears the door close and immediately gets up in haste to walk to the living room where he sees you take off your boots. you turn around to see him, his disheveled hair and frantic eyes finally calming as he walks over to you and engulfs you in a warm embrace. his throat cleared up, and so did his heart and lungs as he mumbles against your ear, "i'm so sorry."

you smile smally, looking up at him as you cup his cheeks and wipe a stray tear, and mutter, "it's okay, zhongli. stress gets to the best of us."

god, how he loves you. he places a small peck on the top of your forehead as he feels his lips turn upward at your touch and the scent of glaze lilies lingering over you tells him that you'd been to the flower garden. he sleeps with your fingers weaved with his that night and pulls you even closer if you untangle with him in sleep. 

he makes a promise to himself saying he'd never hurt you like that again, and he keeps it.

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[my-mt-heart]

TWD 11x15 “Trust” Review

I’m going to kick this off with a major apology because my thoughts are not as organized or fleshed out as I’d like them to be. Maybe all these late Saturday nights are taking a toll, but after watching this episode twice, my head is still spinning. Princer sex? Daryl and Mercer dropping F-bombs? Carol wearing a ring? Lance and Leah? Where do I start?? 

How about with my favorite scene, Carol walking Judith and RJ to school. It’s so rare that we get to see her interact with her niece and nephew, and I’m inclined to think that’s no accident. You can tell in this scene Carol’s a little stiff, like she’s trying to maintain boundaries. Given the number of children she’s lost, it’s understandable she’d be hesitant to let herself get emotionally attached to any more of them, not only for her sake, but for theirs. It’s possible she doesn’t trust herself in a maternal role, but she steps into it anyway because she knows she has an obligation to them, and perhaps to Daryl as well who isn’t there to look after them himself. I do find it very curious that she’s shown to be wearing a ring on *that* finger in this episode. Wardrobe choices are always well thought out, so just like her new look in last week’s episode meant something, the ring has to mean something too. Frankly, I’m just not sure what. Perhaps deep down she wishes she could be more for Daryl and the kids than her trauma will allow her to? I can tell you what it doesn’t mean though…

When Ezekiel shows up at the school with his kingly persona, RJ lights up and I can’t help but wonder if it’s that particular version of him he’s drawn to, the one who’s seemingly always optimistic and wearing a smile. Carol on the other hand is acting closed-off, not that she isn’t glad to see he’s recovering, but in stark contrast to her run-in with Daryl, she dismisses all of Ezekiel’s efforts to reconnect, vaguely stating how busy she is with her “new job” with Lance and how she needs to “fix things.” She’s not looking to join Ezekiel on his personal quest to rebuild his future.

As suspected, Ezekiel has converted a barn into an underground clinic for patients who can’t get treatment within the system. He recruits Tomi (apparently pronounced Toe-mee?) to perform an appendectomy on a woman, but the two get caught trying to sneak out medical supplies, prompting Carol to bail them out. I know what you’re wondering. Does this cheapen Carol coming to Daryl’s rescue in last week’s episode? Not at all, babes. Whereas Carol seems to have a sixth sense when it comes to Daryl, springing into action at the first sign he does something out of character, she has no idea Ezekiel is in trouble until he summons her and she seems quite exasperated about it. 

This further establishes Zeke as the proactive one when it comes to their relationship. Before this episode, I hadn’t been sure if he had any desire to rekindle their romance, but in the spirit of taking full advantage of his health, it seems like that may actually be the case. At one point during his Fandemic Tour panel, Khary mentions that the show tends to do just enough to make the audience wonder if a reconciliation is in the works, and this episode is a good example of teasing those boundaries. All throughout, Carol and Zeke are placed in quasi romantic situations like sharing an umbrella or sitting together under low lighting. Ezekiel even pines after Carol a little bit, saying things like she’s “stuck with him” and he trusts her “more than anyone.” But as Carol flatly tells Ezekiel, which I also believe is Angela’s reassurance to us, they’re  “not getting back together.” Though Ezekiel may not realize it yet, their story is coming full circle. They���ve helped each other, they’ve cemented a friendship, and very soon they’ll have to go down different paths. 

Despite Ezekiel gaining a new appreciation for the things Carol does to make a difference and “taking her words to heart,” he’s still making the same mistake he made in “The Storm” and possibly all throughout their marriage, which is assuming Carol wants (or can be talked into wanting) the same things he does. On the cusp of getting emotional, though still holding back to avoid too much vulnerability around him, Carol tells Ezekiel that “the light suits him.” In other words, she’s still an outsider looking in, hovering in the darkness without a clue how to escape it for herself. Many of us have lamented the lack of recognition Carol gets for going above and beyond to keep everyone safe and now that she finally does receive it from Ezekiel, it isn’t enough. Saving lives with an underground clinic may be Ezekiel’s light, but it isn’t hers. Whether Ezekiel’s accepting this or he’s still motivated to try to align their goals, he wisely advises her to make her own light. And I think we can all guess what that light ultimately is. Here’s a hint: “Follow my light.” 

Carol isn’t the only one feeling stuck. Mercer, newly disillusioned by the place he calls home, the place he’s devoted his post-apocalyptic life to, feels guilty, yet powerless to do anything about it. He struggles to confide in Princess despite her insistence that she’s a good listener and the fact that the two are now physically intimate, pointing it out to each other at every opportunity (take a shot every time they say the word sex? Haha). Mercer views the Commonwealth as an imposing force, ironic considering how imposing he is visually. While flexing his huge muscles at the gym, Max calls him out for continuing to be the community’s poster boy instead of using his influence to promote real change. To me, this is definitely foreshadowing his eventual rise to power over the Commonwealth, but for now, he is still playing it safe. At least we see him take the first step, opening up to Princess about having to kill his own men because of their involvement in Sebastian’s heists. Their conversation is important for Mercer’s growth, but it also shows us new dimensions to Princess’s character.  Like she tells him, she may give off this carefree vibe, but she can also handle the heavy stuff. That heavy stuff is bound to get her in deep trouble eventually though, and I fear Connie, Kelly, Rosita, Eugene, and Max are all in the same boat. We don’t know what they’re going to end up doing with the list of names, but my prediction is they’ll publish it anonymously. Cue public outcry. Cue mass arrests.

Aside from Carol, none of the other characters at the Commonwealth seem to be aware of the danger Lance poses, looking at the Miltons instead. However, Aaron, Gabriel, and Daryl are quick to catch on while Lance is investigating the massacre at the apartment complex (paying homage to crime dramas again). To be fair to Lance, it is a little ridiculous that “a man with one arm and a priest” could fight their way out of it while an entire fleet of trained soldiers couldn’t. But, hey, that’s plot armor for you, Lance. Both there and at Hilltop, Daryl tries to play mediator if only to prevent Lance from hurting his people, and it seems like Lance is testing him, ordering Daryl to suit up or put on his helmet multiple times. It’s his way of of telling Daryl to fall in line and pledge his allegiance to the Commonwealth, but then Lance takes things a step too far when he confronts Hershel at Glenn’s grave (which conveniently did not get destroyed in the fire), trying to manipulate him into confessing what really happened at the apartment complex. 

Things get heated when Elijah tries to intervene and Daryl has to reveal who he’s really fighting for. He even drops an “F” bomb for the first time since season 5 I want to say (Edit: I guess he dropped one in season 9 to Rick), and I find it a little baffling that of all places for the show to do so, it’s here. “Before something really fucking bad happens” seems to carry a lot less weight compared to him saying “fuck the way it was” in Consumed, but I suppose it’s worth noting that in both instances, he’s rejecting the old world. The first time, it’s to help Carol see that she can be more than she thinks she can, and now he’s having to reaffirm that for himself. This probably marks the beginning of his realization that he and the Commonwealth don’t mesh well, which will eventually lead to him choosing a fresh start with the person who is also still looking for a fresh start. Unlike Ezekiel and Carol, Daryl and Carol both want the same thing. It’s just a matter of telling each other. 

Always having a new trick up his sleeve, Lance ever so conveniently runs into Leah in the woods and offers her a job. From the promo for the mid-season finale, we know she’s being hired to assassinate Maggie, and while centering the tension around these two women instead of Leah and Carol is certainly not unexpected at this point, it is nonetheless deeply frustrating. I will reserve my judgment until I see how it plays out, but I’m warning you right now, prepare for a long rant. 

The title of the episode is “Trust,” and we see places where trust is being reinforced like between Maggie and Daryl, Eugene and Max (who share their first kiss), Princess and Mercer, and Carol and Ezekiel. Trust is also being broken if it wasn’t already broken to begin with. Lance doesn’t trust Team Family. Mercer, Carol, Daryl, Maggie and some others don’t trust the Commonwealth. Everyone is being challenged to find their true paths, and we at least know what that means for Carol and Daryl. How much progress they’ll make in the next episode, it’s difficult to say. I can’t even be sure how much Carol will be in the episode, but what else is new? Honestly, I’m just excited to wrap up 11B so we can look forward to the good stuff that’s bound to come out of 11C. Sorry again if this review isn’t doing the episode justice. I will do a deeper dive, specifically looking at Daryl’s and Carol’s arcs, sometime after next week to make up for it. 

11x09 “No Other Way” Review

11x10 “New Haunts” Review

11x11 “Rogue Element” Review

11x12 “The Lucky Ones” Review

11x13 “Warlords” Review

11x14 “The Rotten Core” Review

[goatpaste]

PLS TELL US ABO UT THE OTHER PROTAGS PLS!!

SINCE these tend to take too long ill probably just do one and lets do -spins the wheel- mmmm!!

Eveningpaw! Originally was meant to be my main main character but that role got swooshed up by Agonypaw who ended up having a lot more for me to work with tbh And in the end Eveningpaw probably ended up having the least about of story told thought the outlines i wrote. I still love her a lot but Deckerpaw and Agonypaw ended up being my favorites to write about But Eveningpaw was originally a Honorclan kitten, but her parent died not long after her birth and the clan had no other queens able to care for Eveningkit. So they crossed the river to their neighbors of Loyalclan and asked for them to care for their orphaned daughter. at the time Skyleak had been expecting kits for a short while and Honeymoon had just given birth to her Rotkit and Houndkit. So the nursing cats took in Eveningpaw and cared for him. Skyleak became the most attached the fastest and in the end everyone agreed Eveningpaw was Skyleaks (rest under the cut)

Eveningkit grows up alongside Houndkit and Rotkit and has a relatively normal childhood until she starts to notice these small things. She didn't look anything like her momma or her younger siblings Mintkit and Stirkit. She didnt have the same soft flowy coats most of her clan mates had, or their big digging paws. When she began to question why she felt so different, it was about that time her mother told her that she wasn't originally from Loyalclan. That she was a little different but that was ok, she was a unique part of their clan, another piece of the puzzle to make their world go round. Later she would be given to Mutestar herself as an apprentice. At first a huge honor, Eveningpaw was ecstatic to have the cool and calm Mutestar. Quickly however she found it difficult to understand her mentors training methods and worries if she's falling behind the other apprentices. and if Mutestar is the right mentor for her. But after a pep talk from the warrior Moldpelt, one of Mutestar's former apprentices who tells her to just watch Mutestar, once you learn and understand her then you'll be able to learn from her. Watch she did, Mutestar follows the same path everyday, giving Eveningpaw less time to explore different areas. But she watches Mutestar ability to stop and hunt down prey perfectly every time, she seemed to know every little nook and cranny the birds and mice tended to gather to. Her moments were on point, she was definitely a skilled warrior. She doesn't say, well anything but just trying to follow after what she does, learning her behavior was teaching eveningpaw a lot. Mutestar also tended to need breaks just to sit by herself, which she would let Eveningpaw explore around nearby, giving her freedom and time to learn her own skills, how she was better than her clanmates at climbing trees and she could sprint up a tree faster than anyone, faster than the birds who try to escape the ground to the trees where she would be waiting. She may not be able to know every little hiding spot for prey or be able to swiftly dig them up like her clanmates but she could do this. She even brags about it to Mutestar later who gives her a warm smile and nod. Eveningpaw felt so proud to be her apprentice and that just maybe Mutestar was proud to be her mentor. Eveningpaw became very engrossed in her training with Mutestar she barely saw the other apprentices. She felt she may even be getting better than Rot and Hound. She was less chatty now than when she began to train with mutestar. She had a clear and focused mind that watches for all the small details while she hunted and patrolled. During one of said outings with Mutestar however she gets so engrossed in Mutestar expressing outward pride at Eveningpaw's progress she only just notices she's wandered far from camp and is at the river edge that separates their clan from Gloryclan. at the river she spots two gloryclan cats collecting plants at an overgrown bank side. one apprentice notices her. she recognizes them as rotpaws friend humidpaw. humidpaw abounds over happily and great eveningpaw. Humidpaw brother awepaw seems less than excited to go over. the two chat and ask about things like how their apprenticeship was going or how their jealous a leader is mentoring her or asking how rotpaw is doing the two are friendly and eveningpaw enjoys humidpaw good nature and chatty self. in turn eveningpaw ask what they were collecting humidpaw explains their collecting some herbs from the garden, the large abundance of plants and herbs that grew along their river bank that medicine cat collected and tended to. humidpaw says their collection some plants for coastdances, eveningpaw inquires if coastdance is their medicine cat but is explained by humidpaw that she isnt and is a queen and the plants are for her kit bitterkit as they have a sore throat. Then mentions that she and her kits have been having a hard time coping since their other mother and Humidpaw's mentor Bittertounge died. Asking what happened to Bittertounge, humidpaw grows stiff and glazed. Awepaw answers in a

rude "none of your business tone", saying it was rogues who had probably wandered into the territory Later on when she returns home she enjoys her catch alongside Rotpaw who she hasnt sat with for some time, its all nice and cozy evening until rotpaw cries out. A small lizard has bitten into the tip of rotpaws tail and seems to not want to let go. While the other apprentices laugh at him and help remove it, Eveningpaw notices the medicine cat Softheart staring winded eye before beckoning Thumpbranch to follow her to Mutestar den this worries eveningpaw who sneaks onto a branch over the leaders den, hearing softheart claim to have witness an omen softheart seems to think it's a dangerous warning and ask that tommorow they take a trip out to the cluster to speak with starclan mutestar agrees and says she will take eveningpaw as to give her her trip to the cluster and so the clan will no be worried by the sudden departure. Eveningpaw takes the trip with Mutestar the next day, following the winding river into the deep forest. surprised to run into Greasestar of Honorclan with Deckerpaw, then later bumping into Revelstar of Gloryclan with Awepaw and Algeasnout. Seemed every leader in the forest had the same idea tonight. Only putting Eveningpaw more on edge than before. Deckerpaw seems as clueless as a kit to the tension in the air and he doesn't stop chatting to Awepaw who barely even replies to him. After the meeting at the Cluster, none of the leaders say a word to one another on their return home but Eveningpaw can tell something bothered her leader. At the next fullmoon the clans have gather once again for a gathering under the docks. Eveningpaw had been one a Gathering once before, and it was so homely and bright and loud, but this time everyone stuck to their own clans and chatter was barely a whisper. Eveningpaw plan to stick to her mentors side, only to find Mutestar went straight to sit with the other leaders along with Deputy Waxwhisker. They clearly want to get this gathering finished quickly. Eveningpaw, being left alone begins to feel nervous and unsure what to do with herself. Until she is approached by houndpaw, she recalls the two used to train together a lot but she knows after awhile eveningpaw stopped talking to all the other apprentices as she felt she had to stick to her leader. So it suprises her a bit to have the grey tom sit with her she ask if he would rather sit would rotpaw, but Houndpaw points out that the tom sits with the younger apprentices mintpaw and stirpaw of loyalclan and Humidpaw and Awepaw of Gloryclan. Houndpaw ask how she has been, pointing out that she seems stressed recently. Eveningpaw brushes it off and claims that apprentice duties have just been very stressful recently its then that eveningpaw notices tranquilstorm excuse herself and leaves agonypaw alone, this makes eveningpaw feel bad for the sad looking she-cat. But only for a moment eveningpaw see’s deckerpaw go to stand as Tranquilstorm walks near them looking nervous but awepaw lays a tail on deckerpaws tail and has his sit back down. Awepaw has gotten much bigger since the last time they saw them. the three apprentices watch tranquilstorm leave the gathering area giving friendly mews to the few cats that greet her on the way out. Tranquilstorm leaves from under the dock and heads up the slope. Towards what seemed to be the honorclan territory. before eveningpaw does anything houndpaw questions where tranquilstorm is going as the dirtplace isnt that way. Houndpaw gets up to follow and barely listens to eveningpaw who tells them to sit back down. eveningpaw has a bad feeling about how deckerpaw and crew looked at tranquilstorm. none the less eveningpaw hurries after houndpaw who is hot on tranquilstorms trail moldpelt is the only one who seems to notice them as she puts her large tail in front of her and houndpaw. She smiles and ask were they were heading. The two akwardly saying ‘to make dirt- get fresh air-uh’ this answer amuses moldpelt who tells the two to hurry back soon from their lil trip before

the leaders finish their announcements and the have to go back home and gives them a cheeky wink. as they leave from under the dock eveningpaw can hear the leaders doing announcements in the distance. houndpaw is on tranquilstorms scent and its not long before they catch her in the distance, trying to not get caught eveningpaw climbs up into the trees moving quietly. While houndpaw follows on the floor below in a low quiet trot eveningpaw truly grows suspicious as she watches this she-cat wander so far off into honorclan tranquilstorm finally stops and waits. Its moments before a large smelly speckled grey brown tom steps out. He drops plops down a large whole fish to the she-cat. Tranquilstorm begins to speak to the tom while the two apprentices watch on, Tranquilstorm thanks the tom saying his name ‘Rooster’ ’Rooster’ in turn ask her how long she’s gonna be needing the fish, as their not easy to get ahold of. ‘Plus ya said the kid would be gone ages ago’ they chat on for a bit about this ‘kid’ and ‘plan’ eveningpaw struggling to put together this story until she hears agonypaws name tranquilstorm says it loud as day ‘i already got agonypaws eye, and she trusts me more than ever. The final blow will only be more sweet. Any day now they will be able to execute the plan’ the story being layed out horrifies eveningpaw, her fur stands on end. She had to warn everyone. Its then that she branch she stands on sways. eveningpaw turns around and nearly jumps out of her fur when she see’s mintpaw has just leapt from a branch onto hers and is struggling to hold on. eveningpaw harshly whispers what she was doing here and mintpaw just claims she wanted to come with, that eveningpaw never hangs out with them because shes too busy being the leaders apprentice. And beside rotpaws stories were getting boring before mintpaw can ramble on eveningpaw hushes her, placing her tail in the younger apprentices mouth. its too late. Tranquilstorm not only heard the whispers but also the branch still moving as mintpaw still struggles to balance, Eveningpaw prays to starclan this isnt how it ends and then her prayers are answered in the form of a new threat as more rustling happens across the clearing from them and followed by what sounds like a loud bark, tranquilstorm and rooster jump and give up on whatever was in the tree with the threat of the dog, the two scurry off eveningpaw finally grabs mintpaw and pulls her to a thicker part of the branch not wanting her to fall to the floor where this dog was. eveningpaw glances down in a panic and doesn’t see houndpaw. Her heart races before she see’s houndpaw walk out of the bushes from where the barking came from. Her beating her slows, he was safe eveningpaw ask how the tom is ok and he bashfully smiles before giving out a bark like noise even knowing the source of the noise still caused her to jump a bit, she remarks how incredible that is and how he did that. again shy, houndpaw fluster shrugs and just says he just happens to be good at it. Its hardly ever helpful however so he just keeps it to himself. But kinda laughs and says ‘why do you think my mother named me that, said I yipped up a storm in the nursery. Eveningpaw warms and laughs at the remark before returning to the ground. It takes her a moment to remember however what just happened. Eveningpaw tells them they have to get back asap and tell Gloryclan, Agonypaw is in danger

the two race through the forest but are too late, all that's left is the last of loyalclan departing back home. Moldpelt who seemed to be waiting for them laughs saying ‘they musta had fun they nearly missed everyone leaving home’

eveningpaw feels guilting for for getting back faster, and feels her stomuch in knots. She doesn’t know how to bring it up to her clanmates so she follows quietly.

on the way home rain drops fall from the sky and onto her coat

it has been 2 days since the gathering, it hasn’t stopped raining and eveningpaw attempts to get to gloryclan and warn them have been in vain. Loyalclan has even been low on prey as they weather has been named dangerous conditions

eveningpaw wonders how gloryclan handles this rain. She also remembers how deckerpaw said honorclan camp was close to a river but she’s sure they would take refuge in the city. She also guesses that gloryclan was founded on gloryclan being able to survive conditions that loyalclan chose not to dare endure as they willingly chose to live out in the mud.

Houndpaw comes around to share the kill he got on his short hunting patrol, houndpaw tells her that he knows when she’s feeling down, she never as chatty when she’s upset. And knows its about tranquilstorm and agonypaw.

houndpaw reminds her that there isnt anything they can do,the river is too high to cross and the weather as bad as it is will swoop her up in its winds in a heartbeat. Houndpaw gives her a comforting lick and goes to take their scraps away assuring her that gloryclan can take care of themselves

eveningpaw choses to take houndpaws advice and try to get her mind off of tranquilstorm as there will be nothing she can do for now. Even if she told her clanmates, none of them could cross the river to help them, she would just cause more problems.

Mintpaw however enters in after Houndpaw steps out and immediatly ask Eveningpaw why she hasnt told anyone about Tranquilstorm. she says she knows eveningpaw and houndpaw told her to not tell anyone but she doesn’t understand

eveningpaw tries her best to explain that its not always easy to tell everyone that a cat in another clan might be up to something bad especially when the storm is keeping them from doing much for themselves

she choses to say that while the clans are all united together that its expected of each group to be able to take care of their own internal problems. Mintpaw chews on her scrap of meat seeming to not be happy with that answer. mintpaw bluntly ask why they dont just go and warn them

eveningpaw just shakes her head and brushes off the remark again telling her thats its too dangerous and none of her business, repeating houndpaws words

the next day eveningpaw is out in the rain once more. She is with brashtounge and moldpelt and houndpaw as they go out to the river to check the level of the river water.

the water is high, reaching about two feet more of water to the river, the trees on the coast of the river’s root are drowned and the branches sway in a flimsy manner. Less than a paw of rock can only be seen of their old stepping stones.

with the water still not far enough inland to be worried about yet they take their chance at hunting

their out for awhile only able to catch a mouse or two. its then that houndpaw spots a peasant who seems to be scratchin for food. The two see the older warriors havent yet noticed it. Houndpaw whispers to eveningpaw. He stalks off to one side of the bird while evening goes to the other side

houndpaw lets out one of his barks, and watches the bird take off. Eveningpaw keeps her eye on the bird taking off into the trees like a bolt of lightning. Eveningpaw has adapted and gotten used to the wet swaying branches, working with them as she intercepts the bird flawlessly the older warriors upon realizing what had happened congratulate the two apprentices on the good catch and teamwork

they begin walking them home saying their due for warrior ceremonies any day now, maybe once the weather clears mutestar will put thought into giving them assessments

houndpaw nudges eveningpaw excitedly before getting quiet. He softly compliments her catch. The two fall back from the others. Eveningpaw thinks of what they said and quietly say ‘the storm wont stop, its just going to get worse and worse’

houndpaw is quiet for a moment before telling her that he thinks she’s incredible and that he know that she is capable of great things. Just that catch alone proves it.

he’s quiet one more moment before he tells her to ‘stop the storm’ eveningpaw is confused for a mere moment before nodding and running past their senior warriors.

eveningpaw runs full sprint to the river. She launches into a tree feeling its sway on her paws. She climbs higher and as far as she could get on these tree branches before she’s forced to leap off the branch and over the river

Eveningpaw races through the thick wet muds of Gloryclan territory until she catches the set of their cats, finding what looked to be trails they follow.

She tracks down their hidden away camp and sprints into the middle of it without warning, startling every awake cat as this Loyalclan apprentice has just busted into their camp with no warning.

Revelstar approaches her first and questions her presence, and Eveningpaw begs that Revelstar hear her out and not turn her away even if she sounded mad

She spills out the story of seeing Tranquilstorm with the Alley cat Rooster, of what of her plans she seemed to understand.

Eveningpaw stands there, Revelstars eyes on here hoping she wasnt turned away

But Revelstar looks up to her medicine cats who seemed to be frightened by her words.

Revelstar leans and whispers to Eveningaw "Are you sure of what you heard?"

Eveningpaw nods furiously, Revelstar believed her? had she come in time? Would Agonypaw be safe.

Revelstar hollers for Tranquilstorm, only for the warriors in the den to tell her she was gone, along with Humidfur and Aweshine.

And from the apprentices den the three apprentices, Bitterpaw, Tenderpaw and Railpaw tell them Agonypaw was gone as well.

Revelstar spoke calmly as she called out a few warriors names to follow her, but Eveningpaw saw the strain in her body and face, her claws clenching the mud. She was terrified.

The leader, Eveningpaw and the gaggle of warriors they had collected race out into the marshes to follow what train they had of the missing Gloryclan cats.

The trails leading to the Grotto, deep within nearly out of view from the banks they can see Tranquilstorm with the missing apprentices and warriors. A large turtle with his jaws clenched tight onto Tranquilstorms tail, Eveningpaw couldnt keep her eyes on the sight.

Her mind swimming as everyone shouts and makes noises.

Next thing she knows they've gotten all the cats from out of the mud and turtles grasp. and head home.

Revelstar thanks Eveningpaw for what she did for them.

Eveningpaw stays in Gloryclan for the rest of the day, wanting to make sure everyone was ok and for the rain to stop and the rivers to die down.

The rain had finally stopped as agonypaw laid by her mentors side in the medicine cat den. Eveningpaw couldn't understand it, this was the cat who wanted to get her killed yet here she laid by her side. Did she not understand that Tranquilstorm was the one who had put her in that situation?

Agonypaw's parents Jocundbounce and Pridebriar thanks Eveningpaw over and over again, so grateful that she risked her life to be here

It isnt much later when Mutestar, Houndpaw and a few other Loyalclan cats appeared at Gloryclans camp searching for Eveningpaw.

This would come to be settled out, but Eveningpaw could tell that Mutestar and Revelstar seemed to have some tension, all the cats did. Eveningpaw knew the events of this day may have done some serious damage to the trust of the clan cats...

Its not much long after when Eveningpaw, Rotpaw and Houndpaw are all given their Warrior names was Eveningvolley, Houndbellow and Rotroot.

Eveningvolley and Houndbellow would later become mates, and Eveningpaw would be given Dripkit as her apprentice.

[transmalewife]

Alright, let's talk about attachment

I can’t find clear information on when exactly the non-attachment rule was added to the code. It was either soon before or soon after the great sith war. Either way, for the VAST majority of the existence of the Jedi, it wasn’t a thing. Jedi got married and had families for over 20000 years, then added the non-attachment rule, which ultimately led to their destruction. And before anyone tries to tell me I believe they deserved to be genocided, I don’t. I have never actually seen anyone say that, but I see people argue against it constantly, and imply anyone who doesn’t think the Jedi were perfect and blameless thinks that. I don’t think they deserved to die, I think they needed to change. And Yoda says that himself, many times. The Jedi weren’t prepared for the return of the sith, or the war. They had separated from the military 1000 years before, and the galaxy was in relative peace all this time, so the order’s role changed to one that worked very well with their rules. Detachment meant they could be impartial when overseeing political disagreements, lack of possessions meant they would be focused on the mission at hand and not prone to taking bribes, and distancing themselves from the general population meant they were more or less uniform, and could be trusted not to side with someone for personal reasons.

All of this falls apart once they become an army again. Impartiality is a flaw when they have to defend one side at all cost and not even allow themselves to consider compromise. Lack of possessions and attachment to people means they are prone to taking unnecessary risks, because they have nothing to lose, and do things like send 14 year olds into battle, thinking of the “greater good” over the safety of children. And the order being a monolith, with set rules and philosophy distinct from the rest of the population meant the Jedi trusted Dooku long after they should have stopped, because he used to be a Jedi after all, surely he still follows the code.

Now, I am not saying non-attachment is always bad, I think it served a very specific purpose in the order, and to some extent worked for many years. However.

Humans are a social species. Human babies NEED physical contact and affection to develop physically. Children need a stable, strong, and supportive relationship to their caregiver to properly develop psychologically. And after last year I don’t think anyone will argue that adults don't need connection with other people just as much. And not just shallow interactions, but open affection and love. Love of any kind, because claiming that the Jedi only forbid romantic love is just untrue. I think people tend to forget that "Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is essential to a Jedi's life. So you might say, that we are encouraged to love." isn’t the actual doctrine, it’s a literal pick up line that Anakin uses on Padme.

Ahsoka and Obi-Wan both get criticized by other Jedi for their entirely platonic attachment to Anakin, and vice versa. Now, humans are the most common species in the galaxy, and in the Jedi order. Many other species are near-human, so it’s safe to assume at least some, if not most of them also need that companionship and affection to develop and live happy and stable lives. I do believe that non-attachment is a valid philosophy and chosen path in life if done carefully and within reason, I just don’t think we have a single major character that actually applies to. And chosen is an important word here. Jedi don’t get much of a choice. I’m not trying to start the baby-stealing debate here. I hear the argument of ‘force sensitives are dangerous if left untrained, and said training should start as early as possible’. I think finding a way to deal with that problem was an insanely complicated decision, and taking children into the temple as young as possible is not a bad solution. I don’t entirely agree with not letting them see their families later, (especially since in legends Obi-Wan was allowed to visit his family, which implies Anakin couldn’t go free his mother specifically because he was already too attached), but the idea is sound. I do also understand that no one is forcing Jedi to stay in the order and they can leave for whatever reason at any time. But that isn’t exactly a free choice either. Leaving the order means leaving the only home you remember, the only people you know to make your own way in the galaxy, and staying with those people means you can never fully love them. It’s a difficult solution to a complicated question, and for the most part, it worked (not always, and not exactly as intended, but I’ll come back to that.) Children grew up in the order, were trained to control themselves and the force, and became Jedi who were impartial, patient, and balanced. But everything falls apart when you introduce someone who wasn’t raised in the temple.

In The Rising Force, 13 year old Obi-Wan had barely been off Coruscant in his life. He describes himself as sheltered and unaware of all the pain in the galaxy, and says it was done on purpose, so younglings wouldn’t have to face the dark side before they were ready for it. But Anakin had seen nothing but darkness, pain and injustice before he joined the order. He was severely traumatized, and while the temple might have had some ways of dealing with trauma and PTSD in adults, they had no experience in treating the same in a child, because their children were kept safe and protected. The idea of letting go of your pain and fear only works if you know you have a safe place to come back to, if you’ve spent the first decade or so of your life in the most protected place in the galaxy. Anakin spent the first decade of his life as a slave. He couldn’t let go of his fear, because fear was what kept him alive. Fear is not irrational if you are constantly in danger, it’s what protects you, keeps you aware of the limits you can push before you get punished. And that mindset doesn’t fade just because you’re out of that situation, especially if your only family, the closest person to you, is still facing that danger every day.

I’ve seen people use every excuse possible to explain why Anakin didn’t see his mother again to avoid blaming the council, including, and I shit you not, “He just didn’t have her comm number”. But to me that seems disingenuous, when we see in his first meeting with the council that they already consider him too attached. It's one of the main reasons they don’t want him to be trained, so it seems logical that they wouldn’t allow him to see her once he became a padawan. I also want to mention that what Yoda says, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” Is just… blatant catastrophizing. Right? Like we can all see that the escalation is not rational there at all. Maybe it could apply to something else, but not to a child who just left his mother for the first time in his life and went from a tiny dustball in the middle of nowhere to the most populated planet in the galaxy, and is now being tested by a bunch of old people with the power to decide his future. Obviously he’s afraid, and obviously he’s not dealing with it the way Jedi younglings do. That, in and of itself doesn't doom him to fall. Also what Yoda misses there is that suffering leads to fear. This is a closed loop, and one that has defined Anakin’s entire childhood.

Let’s come back to how the system doesn’t always work. The way I see it, most of the characters we see are attached. Obi-Wan is considered one of the greatest Jedi of his time. Windu describes him as “our most cunning and insightful Master—and our most tenacious”. And yet, he was not insightful enough to look past his love for Anakin, his attachment, and see how close to falling he was. Ahsoka was so attached to Anakin she refused to listen to Maul on Mandalore, refused to even consider the posibility he could fall. She was arguably the person with the best shot at preventing the empire forming at that point, and she loved anakin so much she doomed him and the entire galaxy. Aayla admitted to thinking of Quinlan as her father, and also, apparently in legends had a long relationship with Kit. Even Mace didn’t follow the code when he decided to kill Palpatine, which directly led to his death and the empire. He also indirectly caused the war to start. According to wookiepedia “Windu viewed Dooku as the shatterpoint of the entire Separatist movement, which meant striking Dooku down would theoretically end the imminent clone war before it even began. However, Windu's prior attachments to Dooku clouded his judgment.” I’m not even going to mention Kanan and Ezra, who are obviously family.

So basically everyone is attached and lying about it. How has no one thought that maybe this isn’t the healthiest way to live and tried to change the code? Well, I have a theory, and it’s Yoda. He was 900 years old when he died, and was on the council for the vast majority of his life. I can’t find when exactly he became grand master, but it’s safe to assume he held some degree of power over the entire order for most of a millennium. At the end of TPM he tells Obi-Wan “Confer on you the level of Jedi knight, the council does. But agree with your taking this boy as your padawan learner, I do not.” Then he reverses that decision by himself. So either he has the power to veto the council’s word, or who gets trained is entirely up to him. Either way, not great, considering his lifespan is so much longer than most Jedi, and therefore his approach to life is vastly different. Humans need love and closeness to live. However, while we don’t know much about Yoda’s species, it probably isn’t a social one. You could count all the characters of this species on two (human) hands, and Yoda lived in complete isolation for 20 years on Dagobah, and only went a little bit insane. They are naturally rare, and therefore probably lead solitary lives in nature. Moreover, Yoda outlived every master who trained him, and almost every padawan he trained himself, (there’s a great post about that here) so even if he wasn’t naturally predisposed to non-attachment, he would have had to learn it to deal with all the loss he had to live through over the years.

A lot of people think that Anakin fell because he had attachments, which is not true. He fell because of how his attachments played out and/or ended. The most obvious example being Palpatine, who used Anakin’s trust and friendship to groom him for over a decade and actively undermine Anakin’s trust towards anyone else, especially the order. (more on that here). Obi-Wan refused to take on the role of a father figure that Anakin tried to shove him into, so he turned to someone who did accept it. It’s not Anakin’s fault that it turned out to be the worst person alive, nor can we expect him to notice when he’s known Palpatine since he was a child. Another failure of jedi non-attachment, because a loving parent or guardian would not let their child be used as a bargaining chip when the most powerful politician in the galaxy blackmailed the order into allowing him to meet Anakin regularly, but a distant teacher and detached knight thinking of the greater good might. The other attachments Anakin had were taken from him (Shmi and Ahsoka, the last orchestrated by Palpatine who was fully ready to give her the death penalty to make Anakin more unstable), or he was forced to lie and hide them, compromising his vows as a Jedi (Padme) or refused to choose Anakin over the order/their principles (Obi-Wan, and again Ahsoka, and to some extent Padme, but he’d already fallen then). All these people had every right to make the choices they made, but it wasn’t the act of loving them that made Anakin turn to the dark side, it was how those attachments played out.

I think everyone agrees that Yoda is as detached as a Jedi should, if not can, be, and that didn’t prevent Dooku from falling. We see that explored in more detail with Barriss and Luminara. Luminara is detached and distant, she’s fond of Barriss, but their relationship is not familial in the slightest, and she repeatedly shows her willingness to put the greater good and the mission before Barriss’ safety and even life. And yet Barriss still falls. A complex combination of events and choices caused each of those characters to fall, not the simple presence or absence of attachment.

And lastly, just as attachment can make you unstable if your relationship with that person is unstable, it can also make you stronger. There is a reason Anakin and Obi-Wan were the face of the army. Not only did their obvious attachment (the strongest between two jedi we are shown) make them more relatable to the public, but they, when working as a team, are shown repeatedly to be more or less undefeatable. They spend half of aotc flinging themselves off great heights because they know the other will be there to catch them. They know from years of experience that they have backup and they know each other well enough (or force bond communicate) that they can trust the other will be where he needs to be to help/save them. Contrast that to how Windu and Palpatine fight in rots once the window breaks- very carefully, clearly holding back to keep themselves safe. Neither of them has backup until Anakin arrives, but until the last second they can't be sure which one he will choose. Anakin and Obi-Wan fight the same way on Mustafar, especially when balancing on that thin bridge. No acrobatics, swinging arms to keep balance, keeping their distance, being almost uncharacteristically careful compared to how they treated heights in aotc, in tcw, and on the invisible hand in rots, because they both know the other won't catch them if they fall this time.

[rivalry-trope-enjoyer]

Autumn Troupe: When they have nightmares

(PSA: this one’s a little self indulgent since I can’t sleep tonight so apologies if the headcanon’s inaccurate to the character ^^’)

Juza

Juza’s one to hide whatever gets him down because he doesn’t want to burden those around him.

He wants to be a good influence for Muku and Kumon and he tries not to rope them into anything negative that he has going on.

He tried to have a positive impact on you, too, so most times he doesn’t know how to express or want to express his vulnerabilities to you.

It was inevitable the night he had a nightmare, unfortunately it was you turning your back on him and was suddenly scared of him and thought of him as a monster.

Juza woke up in a cold sweat next to you, and he had no time to panic as he quickly rose up, reaching the air in front of him in a frenzy.

It would be best to hold him and/or reassure him. He needs to know that he isn’t alone and that it’s safe to open up to you, he will melt and quickly try to forget what happened in his dream.

He won’t tell you much about the dream, he won’t resist your efforts of getting close to him. In fact, it’s all Juza would have ever wanted. The love and care of someone that would accept him for who he is.

He’ll silently accept the love you give him, holding onto you tightly to steady his shaking and reassure his head.

Banri

Banri didn’t care much about nightmares, it never really bothered him and he kind of blew it off as some meaningless sign to ignore.

He never read much into things and didn’t see the need to start now. He was just rolling through life without a care in the world.

That was, until you came into his life.

He cared for you greatly and the feeling of putting in time and effort into someone that wasn’t his own self was almost foreign.

You had genuinely supported Banri throughout acting and everything he did, and he returned the favor which he had never thought he ever would.

Every bit of affection, every compliment he’d shrug off from literally anyone else meant more to him than anything.

To the point where waking up from a nightmare felt different when you were involved.

He was terrified that this meaning that he found in his life was gone, he woke up trying to laugh it off but saw his hands shake from the after math.

Just a simple “I’m here, I’m here” would ground him and bring him back to reality. Your voice was like a song to Banri, one that he would never get tired of.

He’d laugh still, but in a more genuine manner, tease you and asked if you actually worried about him.

Inside, he was grateful that you affirmed you were there with him, but it’ll take a while for him to admit it.

Omi

This boy has a lot to unpack.

He’s riddled with nightmares ever since his best friend had died. Despite all the changes in his life it still comes back in his sleep to bite him in the back.

He convinces himself that he’s gotten used to the nightmares and accepted it all as what he has to live with, but it deeply bothered him.

Despite this Omi tends to put a strong face for everyone; his brothers and father, the Mankai company, and for you, too.

Initially, he saw his weak points as being a burden to you, so Omi likes to perform acts of service to you like making you food before he goes to work or to rehearsal, get groceries with you, and of course also make sure you get a good night sleep before he would have to leave to run errands of his own.

He rarely takes rests and keeps himself busy a lot, he loves to help the people he cares about, but at the same time he will over work to avoid the nightmares that come late at night.

It was bound to happen that he would knock out fast asleep next to you. He had a whole day of errands, photo shoots, a lengthy practice and cooking for both you and the troupe. Omi deserved a rest.

However he started twisting and turning in his sleep frantically and you woke him up in fear of what was going on.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” he immediately goes, rubbing his eyes to hide the clear discomfort, stretching to get up and make himself some tea.

Refuse his offer to do anything, right now it’s best for him to recover, and even without any cooking skill, offer some calming tea and some snacks or comfort food from the fridge or pantry.

He’ll be endlessly grateful, laughing as he constantly reassures you that he would have been perfectly fine getting it himself, but still thank you in the process.

“I know you’d do the same for me, it’s time I help you, too”

Those words hit him in realizing how much he has already done the whole day, and how acts of service doesn’t need to be a one-way path. Showing how much you cared for him gave him a sense of trust and security with you almost instantly.

Taichi

He admired you so much, and he would desperately try to hide anything that made him seem uncool.

He still fears being alone more than anything, despite wanting to stand out, he hated the feeling of isolation.

Often times it comes in his nightmares ever since he left the God Troupe, he had been scared of being singled out as a traitor and left neglected.

He woke up in tears that he sobbed out, carelessly forgetting that you were sleeping right next to him, but were awoken by his cries and immediately got up to go to him.

“Taichi, are you okay?” “Yeah! Yeah I’m perfectly fine-“ “Taichi.”

You sounded stern but he was still stubborn and tried to convince you that he was in top shape.

“See? I got all my fingers and everything! Still the same-“

You didn’t believe him but instead pulled him into your arms and his tears bursted out even more, taken by surprise of the overwhelming affection and support that he loved from you so much.

He shamelessly cried in your arms and soaked your shoulder, apologizing for his uncool he looked, but you not caring made him cry even harder.

After that nightmare he was truly happy to show this side of himself, even if Taichi had thought of it to be shameful in the beginning. He felt that you would stay at his side even with his true colors, he was open to accepting his own self as much as you accepted him with open arms.

Sakyo

In comparison, Sakyo handles nightmares as if they were nuisances like a fever. He still has difficulty sleeping after them so he lies awake just staring at the ceiling for a while to let it fade away.

In his past he was not able to have a lot, and often times because of his past affiliations he did not have much room for error.

As much as possible he did not want to mess up anything with you as well. Upon meeting him, he did come off as cold, and it took a while for him to warm up to you and was careful when talking to you about his previous encounters with the yakuza, as much as what didn’t scare you off.

When realizing you had done more than stay, but instead support him with being the actor who Sakyo was trying to be today, he was thrilled.

As much as he’d lecture you about running water and spending on groceries, it was his own way of trying to be helpful and caring.

In a way it showed that he knew what he was doing, but when it came to seeing him in shambles after waking up after a nightmare of his ugly past, he froze.

You were lying right next to him and he didn’t know how to cover up his own tracks of vulnerability. The ice he encased himself in melted away when you crawled up to him and asked him what was wrong.

He never wanted to involve you in the dangers of what his line of worm was before, realizing how much he wanted you in his life, but you still being there after learning all about it was reassurance to him.

With that he was able to go to bed easier, knowing that act of his life was over, and he was able to start fresh with a life with you, in an arc that he hopes to never call the curtain on.