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taravangians-storming-balls · 20 days ago

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How to Write Moash - A Breakdown of Moash's Personality

A while back someone asked for some advice on writing Moash - they wanted to include him in their story, but since he’s such a divisive character they felt nervous about representing him accurately. Um. I accidentally made an entire document about it and figured I might as well share in case it's helpful to anyone else. It's long. (I'm sorry)

This is by no means exhaustive, and I’m very certain there are aspects of his personality I’m missing here, but it’s certainly a good start if you need a refresher on his personality or have never written him before. Obligatory these are my opinions and you’re free to write Moash in whatever way you wish ♥

Click here to read it in google doc format with headers and things or you can read the whole thing here below the read more:

Appearance

Might as well start here, just as a quick reference. Moash’s body type has been described as strong, lean, solid and tall. He has a narrow hawkish face, brown hair speckled with black, and a faded scar along his chin. The official figurine gives him curled, shortish length hair. His eyes are canonically dark brown that turn tan when he has his Shards, however, his eyes were accidentally described as dark green in an early release of TWoK and some people prefer to give Moash dark green eyes so you can do whatever the hell you want. Kaladin describes him as “a younger man, perhaps near Kaladin’s age”. More on that later.

Moash does not have slave brands on his forehead, and gets his Bridge Four tattoo on his left upper arm. Hot writing tip - depending on when in the timeline you’re writing Moash, you can have some fun with this tattoo. He’s no longer a part of Bridge Four, but forever will have marked in his very skin a reminder of the people he loved and then pushed away. Yippee.

General Personality / Tone

I feel like something some people forget with Moash is that he really is just some guy. Imagine a generic, grew up in a very masculine society, never got any therapy, doesn’t connect well with others DudeTM. He goes out with his friends. He's blunt. He wants the cool swords and powers. He doesn’t deal well with his emotions. He loves manual labor. Moash really is just some guy who is absolutely going through it.

In no particular order, here are some things about Moash. Some things I’ve left out of this list and only talk about in the Life Experiences section, because it’s more in the realm of analyzing than just selecting quotes to show off the things he does.

Skepticism

He didn’t expect or need their admiration. He knew what it felt like to be beaten down, despised. When you’d been treated as they had, you didn’t trust someone like Moash. You asked yourself what he was trying to get from you. (Oathbringer Ch. 51, Moash POV)

In the above quote Moash is referring to the singers he helps (Khen and Sah’s group), but to me, it’s clear he’s also talking about his own experiences. This was likely his exact internal dialog when he was busy hating Kaladin in the beginning of TWoK. Moash doesn’t trust easily, and generally needs people to prove one way or another their intentions before he accepts them. At the very least, he needs proof of what he’ll get out of a situation.

“I never promised it would work, Moash. If you’ve got a better idea, go ahead and share it.” Moash hesitated. “Well, if you really do teach us the spear like you promised, then I guess I don’t care.” (TWoK Ch. 46)

Moash has insecurities though, and can be played like a fiddle if people know where to press. Praise (of himself, his ideas, or his actions) and promises of power primarily does it for him.

He is also openly skeptical of things that don’t make sense to him and won’t hesitate to speak up about it, usually bluntly.

“Sigzil said these violet eyes of mine aren’t native to Alethkar. He thinks I must have Veden blood in me.” “Your eyes aren’t violet,” Moash said. (TWoK, Ch. 46)

This skepticism can lean pessimistic, and pops up in serious situations and normal everyday conversations.

To the side, the bridgemen turned back to work. Kaladin caught a few of them grumbling. “Bastard,” Moash said. “I said this would happen.” (TWoK Ch. 43, directly after Kaladin yells at Bridge Four that it’s hopeless and he won’t try any longer)

“Bah.” Moash dusted himself off. “He just saw a group of undefended archers and took the chance to strike. Lighteyes don’t care about us. Right, Kaladin?” (TWoK Ch. 62)

“It could have just been posturing,” Moash said, folding his arms. “Political games, him and Sadeas trying to manipulate each other.” (WoR Ch. 2, after Moash asks if Kaladin is willing to trust Dalinar)

Moash grimaced, looking at the bridgemen. “You assume some of them will be ‘more eager,’ Kaladin. They all look the same level of despondent to me.” (WoR Ch. 2)

“I think I’ll look silly in this,” Moash grumbled, but walked over to change. (WoR Ch. 2)

Trust

Moash is usually all in when he does put his trust in somebody or an idea, and it’s hard to shake him of this trust once he’s grasped it. In general, once he decides on something, it's hard to change his mind. This doesn't mean he doesn't listen - there are plenty of scenes where he listens to what Kaladin says - but it's hard to shake his worldviews once he settles on them. In any case, as soon as Moash decides he’s going to trust Kaladin, he’s immediately defensive of him and loyal.

“I’d surrendered my plans, but you’ve returned them to me. I’ll guard you with my life, Kaladin. I swear it to you, by the blood of my fathers.” Kaladin met Moash’s intense eyes and nodded. (TWoK Ch. 63)

“I have a plan,” Kaladin said. He waited for the objections. His other plans hadn’t worked. No one offered a complaint. “Well then,” Moash said. “What is it?” [...] Kaladin’s men nodded, and Moash seemed content. As contrary as he’d been originally, he had grown equally loyal. He was hotheaded, but he was also the best with the spear. (TWoK Ch. 62)

“I’ll never outrank you, Kal,” Moash said, faceplate of his helm up. “You’re my captain. Forever.” (TWoK Ch. 68)

It’s important to note that no matter how much Moash trusts someone, it won’t stop him from asking questions about what they’re doing - he won’t follow completely blindly.

Confidence

Moash acts with a lot of confidence, and will firmly state his opinions or what he thinks is true in blunt ways. Can be very confident of his own skills, and sometimes seems to take on the belief that if he just tries hard enough, he’ll be able to succeed at whatever lofty goal he has, sometimes in a way that feels boyish or naive.

“You shouldn’t speak so casually about the Fused, human,” Sah said, standing up. “They’re dangerous.” “Don’t know about that,” Moash said as two more passed overhead. “The one I killed went down easy enough, though I don’t think she was expecting me to be able to fight back.” He handed his waterskin to the overseer as she came around for them; then he glanced at Sah, who was staring at him, slack-jawed. Probably shouldn’t have mentioned killing one of their gods, Moash thought. (Oathbringer, Ch. 51)

He walked straight-backed with his chin up. Save for those dark brown eyes of his, he could have passed for an officer. (WoR, Ch. 2, Kaladin POV)

“Any man can win a Shardblade.” Moash said. “Slave or free. Lighteyes or dark. It’s the law.” “Assuming they follow the law,” Kaladin said with a sigh. “I’ll do it somehow,” Moash repeated. (TWoK, Ch. 46)

“We could swallow them,” Moash said. “You would choke. Spheres are too big, eh?” “I’ll bet I could do it,” Moash said. His eyes glittered, reflecting the verdant Stormlight. (TWoK, Ch. 55)

Questions

These trust issues, skepticism, confidence and bluntness leads Moash to asking a lot of questions and pushing back against things he doesn't get. He does seem to be genuinely curious why people do things, and was constantly theorizing why the Fused are doing certain things as he travels with the army. This isn’t scholarly curiosity, like Sigzil might have, just what feels like a need to know what’s going on. Moash isn’t afraid to walk up to nearly anyone and ask them about a situation, or why they’re doing something, no matter the position of the person he’s asking. I’d describe him as having a constant idle curiosity.

“What’d they do, anyway?” he said as he took up his rope. “What was that?” she asked, looking back at him. […] He didn’t actually expect an answer. (Oathbringer Ch. 48)

“So the gods,” Moash said, nursing his own drink, “were pleased that you solved problems on your own . . . by going to other gods and begging them for help instead?” “Hush,” Rock said. (WoR Ch. 46)

Moash strode right up to the creature. “I need to talk to someone in charge.” Behind him, Moash’s overseer gasped—perhaps only now realizing that whatever it was Moash was up to, it could get her in serious trouble. [...] Moash took a deep breath. “Can you tell me, then, why you treat your own so poorly?” (Oathbringer Ch. 54, it should be noted that Moash is a slave at this point)

To quote a Tumblr post of mine: This was 100% why he was talking to gaz in twok btw. I figure it was moments after kaladin punched moash in the stomach that he walked over like "yo where the fuck did this asshole come from"

And then, my personal favorite section which shows a lot of various Moash personality traits in my opinion:

“Something wrong, soldier?” Kaladin asked. Moash blinked in surprise at the use of the word, but he and the others had grown to expect all kinds of unorthodoxy from Kaladin. “Why did you make me leader of a subsquad?” “Because you resisted my leadership longer than almost any of the others. And you were flat-out more vocal about it than any of them.” “You made me a squad leader because I refused to obey you?” “I made you squad leader because you struck me as capable and intelligent. But beyond that, you weren’t swayed too easily. You’re strong-willed. I can use that.” Moash scratched his chin, with its short beard. “All right then. But unlike Teft and that Horneater, I don’t think you’re a gift straight from the Almighty. I don’t trust you.” “Then why obey me?” Moash met his eyes, then shrugged. “Guess I’m curious.” He moved off to gather his squad. (TWoK Ch. 30)

Defending Others/Reactiveness

When Moash is a target of hostility, he will often glare and grumble, or is snappish, but isn’t very explosive about it.

“Why do they do that?” Moash said quietly as a passing soldier tossed an overripe pile-vine fruit at the bridgemen. Moash wiped the stringy, red fruit from his face, then sighed and fell back into his stance. Kaladin had never asked them to join him, but they did it each time. (TWoK Ch. 57)

Moash climbed to his feet, rubbing his stomach and glaring at Kaladin. (TWoK Ch. 14, Moash directly after being punched in the stomach)

However, he’s very reactive when he sees something he doesn’t like, or when someone he’s attached to is being insulted.

“I’ll find a way to get them up,” Kaladin said. “You say things like that a lot,” Skar noted. “Leave off, Skar,” Moash said. “He knows what he’s doing.” Kaladin blinked. Had Moash just defended him? (TWoK Ch. 55)

The man looked him up and down. “I heard you held a bridge, practically by yourself, against hundreds of Parshendi. How’d you do that?” He did not address Kaladin with “sir,” as would have been appropriate for any other captain. “You want to find out?” Moash snapped from behind. “We can show you. Personally.” “Hush,” Kaladin said, glaring at Moash. (TWoK Ch. 5, Kaladin and Moash talking to a lighteyed Kholin guard)

The whipping began. The cries, the crack of leather on skin. That’s enough. (Oathbringer Ch. 48, Moash POV before he catches a whip to defend Khen and Sah’s group.)

He can also be fairly reactive in high stress situations.

“Would you two just storm off?” Moash snapped. “It doesn’t matter. You heard Kaladin. Even he thinks we’re as good as dead.” (TWoK Ch. 43)

Moash spat. “And this will accomplish something? Damnation, Kaladin, I feel like I’m already dangling from the noose!” (TWoK Ch. 62)

There is a balance to be found with Moash’s reactiveness, you don’t want to lean too far one way or another.

Moash moved up beside him. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “You’re right.” Kaladin smiled, this time genuinely. “I’m not going to pretend I don’t hate them,” Moash said. “But I’ll be civil. We have a duty. We’ll do it well. Better than anyone expects. We’re Bridge Four.” (TWoK Ch. 5)

Power

Moash is very routinely interested in the cool shiny things, things that give him power, and basically anything new as well. In many other spots I’ve included the quotes of Moash wanting a Shardblade, and in Oathbringer POV Moash says he dreamed of one for years.

The lean man had turned immediately at the mention of Shardblades, and now watched them hungrily. (WoR Ch. 16, Kaladin about Moash)

“I’d join them in a heartbeat,” Moash said, walking up behind. (WoR Ch. 46, about lighteyes)

He’s really eager to possibly learn Kaladin’s Radiant skills, and keeps butting in while people are talking to Kaladin about it to ask if he could teach them.

“Can you teach me to do what you did?” Moash cut in. (TWoK Ch. 73)

This is veering into the next main category about his life experiences, but I theorize that at least a portion of this desire for a higher position and power is that his life continuously beats him down and disappoints him over and over, and Moash wants to feel capable of fighting back. He's had very little control in his life, and craves it. Also power is cool and I’m pretty sure Moash likes cool things.

Worldviews

Moash believes in higher structures and relies on systems working. He likes structure, and likes to fit things somewhat into their spot. It’s a funny bit of contrasting ideals in Moash’s character, that he can be so skeptical of things and yet so willing to do what he’s told and believe in the correctness of societal structures he knows. He hates lighteyes, but he believes his society would work if there were only the correct people ruling. It’s almost as if Moash has a hard time imagining another option, the way he treats it. This gives him a certain naivety or childishness to his worldviews.

“Oh, I’m happy to punish [lighteyes],” Kaladin said. “But I have no desire to take their place, nor do I wish to join them.” “I’d join them in a heartbeat,” Moash said, walking up behind. He folded his arms across his lean, well-muscled chest. “If I were in charge, things would change. The lighteyes would work the mines and the fields. They would run bridges and die by Parshendi arrows.” [...] “Eye color is not so odd a method, compared to many others I have seen. If you were to overthrow the lighteyes and place yourselves in power, Moash, I doubt that the world would be a very different place. The abuses would still happen. Simply to other people.” Kaladin nodded slowly, but Moash shook his head. “No. I’d change the world, Sigzil. And I mean to.” (TWoK Ch. 46)

Moash shakes his head no to the abuses still happening if he were in charge and made lighteyes do those less desirable jobs. It doesn’t seem like he’s envisioning a world where lighteyes are abused, necessarily, but it’s hard to say what he IS actually thinking this would look like. He seems to trust that it would all just work out, thus the naivety I mentioned earlier.

More on this in the life experiences section, but Moash lost his family support structure at a young age (parents, and then grandparents), which likely made him lean more heavily on these outside society structures.

Adding into this section that Moash is okay with a certain amount of violence and sacrifice. He likes it when people get what's coming to them, so to speak. This is a section I want to add more thought to later, but a good way to look at it is that Moash is rather typically Alethi.

Fixation

I touched on this in the Trust subheader, but Moash tends to go all in on everything he does.

“I’ve noticed you keep training when Teft lets the other men take breaks. Dedication is good, but don’t work yourself ragged. I want you to be one of the decoys.” (TWoK Ch. 63, Kaladin to Moash)

“Let’s get those armorers and help you take it off,” Kaladin said. “No. You go to Rock’s storming feast. I’m going to the sparring grounds to practice! I won’t take this off until I can move in it naturally.” (WoR Ch. 66)

“I came to this war to get myself a Shardblade,” Moash said. “And I still mean to do it, somehow.” He blushed, then turned away. (TWoK Ch. 46)

He’ll also get fixated just on random things. When they find an emerald broam in the chasms, Moash gets really enamoured by being able to keep that specific sphere. The bridgemen find and keep an amount of spheres equal to the worth of the emerald broam, but Moash practically pouts when Kaladin says they can’t keep it.

“Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?” Moash asked, staring at the emerald. [...] “We could get all of the spheres,” Moash said eagerly. “Even the—” “No,” Kaladin said firmly. [...] Moash looked crestfallen, but the other bridgemen were eager. (TWoK Ch. 55)

You could even consider his desire to get revenge a fixation, and I think it is, but the trauma of losing his grandparents affected him so much that I think it gets pushed into a slightly different class. I’d say that once he becomes Vyre, Kaladin becomes a fixation for Moash.

Silence

In extreme states of duress, or even just shock, Moash often times will fail to respond verbally to others talking to him. The most extreme example we see of this is in Oathbringer Ch. 45, where he goes fully nonverbal after realizing that lighteyes are still in charge of the human slaves despite the opportunity under the singers to remove them from power and stop obeying them. He responds numbly to everything happening around him, and does not respond to the question Brightlord Paladar asks Moash, even when Paladar shouts at him to speak up. Paladar orders Guff to be beaten for bringing him somebody that “has something wrong with him”, and Moash remains silent.

Old Guff cried out as they seized him. Moash just nodded. Yes. Of course. That was what they would do.

They throw Moash out, and Moash barely hears their words. There are two other minor examples that come to mind to show off this silent response Moash sometimes has. In Ch. 40 of TWoK, Moash freezes when he notices Kaladin come out of the barracks alive, and doesn’t listen when Torfin yells at him, instead ducking out from under the bridge they were practicing with wordlessly. Also in Oathbringer Ch. 45 when Guff asks if Moash was a soldier, Moash just. Wordlessly stands up and stretches to show off his uniform coat? That last one more so shows off the weird way Moash can sometimes respond to things. Guff had to squint in the darkness to see his coat. Why did he do that instead of using his words. Anyway, that brings us to:

Social Skills

Moash isn’t awkward in social situations, and like we’ve already talked about, brings an air of confidence to most things he does. As far as I can tell, he feels comfortable in social situations. He does however, have a certain … extra-ness to him? He’ll just sort of say things sometimes.

“It was the king,” Moash said. “He had my family executed.” It took Kaladin a moment to realize what Moash was talking about. (WoR Ch. 44)

Moash says this completely out of nowhere. I’m not even talking about Moash bringing up his past out of nowhere after a period of silence between Kaladin and Moash, I’m talking about “it was the king” was not connected to anything Moash was talking about in the scene prior. It’s amazing Kaladin figured out what Moash meant by this.

He stepped up to Kaladin, then knelt down on one knee, Plate clinking. He saluted, arm across chest. (WoR Ch. 68)

Did you know that, besides Szeth kneeling for people holding his Oathstone, Moash is the only person in the books to go down on one knee like this to salute a superior? Moash is just Like That I guess.

“They tried to break me. Damnation, they did break me. But then he made me again, a new man.” Moash paused. “I threw it all away.” “Sure, sure,” Guff said. (Oathbringer Ch. 45)

Moash goes to find his old coworker/friend, Guff, and immediately starts waxing poetic to him about his time with Bridge Four in the most vague way possible, not really explaining anything. Moash just ignores Guff calling him weird.

Bridge Four

Moash valued the camaraderie and friendship of Bridge Four, and really attached himself to it.

“It just…” Moash said. “It didn’t feel right to go to sleep until we’d had a chance to… well, do this.” (TWoK Ch. 73, Moash talking about having Bridge Four stew around the fire after being freed)

Moash held up the patch, trying to catch the firelight for a last look, and then couldn’t bring himself to throw it away. [...] Were the others sitting around Rock’s stewpot somewhere? Laughing, joking, betting on how many mugs of ale Lopen could drink? Ribbing Kaladin, trying to get him to crack a smile? Moash could almost hear their voices, and he smiled, imagining that he was there. (Oathbringer Ch. 43)

He seemed to hang out with Bridge Four frequently for fun activities like going to the tavern, and was often a part of group activities. He brings that teasing quality to the one scene we get.

“You weigh about as much as a starved axehound, Lopen,” Moash said skeptically. (WoR Ch. 46)

Moash will often say “We’re Bridge Four” or other such chants of their name, like a thing of pride. It should be noted that this next quote is from after he ran away from Bridge Four and feels awful about it. He still feels attached enough to say this.

Orange blood coated him, steaming in the chill air. He seized his spear again, fingers slick with blood, and pointed it at the three remaining Voidbringers, who regarded him with stunned expressions. “Bridge Four, you bastards,” Moash growled. (Oathbringer Ch. 43)

Parshmen

Moash displays a lot of the casual microaggressions towards singers that many of the characters do - such as early Bridge Four interactions with Rlain in Oathbringer - including Moash referring to them as “shellheads” when speaking with other caravaneers. He doesn’t seem to display any hatred or ill feelings towards singers, but definitely was used to using parshmen in his line of work, as his caravans he worked on used parshmen frequently to pull the wagons when they weren’t using chulls. Moash frequently will just accept things as the way things are, and I imagine he never particularly gave any mind to parshmen or whether his society’s treatment of them was just. Parshmen existed, people used them because they were useful, and Moash would as well.

Skills

The most skilled were Skar and Moash. In fact, Moash was surprisingly good. Kaladin walked to the side, watching the hawk-faced man. He was focused, eyes intense, jaw set. He moved in attack after attack, the dozen spheres giving him an equal number of shadows. (TWoK Ch. 63)

Moash is a great fighter, and proves it again and again in the books. He kills Leshwi with only a regular spear, and during the Battle of the Tower, is the only one to survive of his group defending a particularly hard section of the bridge. His dedication means he tends to learn things fast, and he has a lot of tenacity once he sets his mind to something.

It hadn’t even been a week yet, but Moash walked in the armor easily. (WoR Ch. 68, Kaladin about Moash walking naturally in Shardplate)

Kaladin normally wouldn’t have started resetting exercises until the second or third day. Yet here, Moash was drinking it in after only two hours. (TWoK Ch. 49)

Manual Labor ♥

Moash straight up loves hard, manual labor.

The last station was the most interesting to Moash. This was for hard labor. (Oathbringer Ch. 45)

I’ve been trying to keep Vyre out of this section because he’s a different beast, but I can’t not note that he says people not telling him about the marble that needed to be hauled was like “keeping sweets from a child”. Odium is taking his pain at the time, and hauling around marble and working himself all day seems to be one of the few things he genuinely enjoys doing.

In general, Moash seems to be fond of physical exercise and moving around.

“Silversmiths. I never picked up on the trade. Liked to be out walking. Going somewhere.” (WoR Ch. 44)

Moash found himself enjoying these weeks hiking and pulling his sledge. It exhausted his body, quieted his thoughts, and let him fall into a calm rhythm. (Oathbringer Ch. 48)

While he does seem to genuinely enjoy it, Moash also uses working himself hard as a way to avoid any pain or feelings he’s having. When Moash is in distress, he tends to seek it out.

Lighteyes

Moash really hates lighteyes. Obviously, probably.

With a start, Moash realized that the man had pale green eyes. Yet he still raised his hand and volunteered to carry water—something that had once been parshman work. Well, that was a sight that couldn’t help but brighten a man’s day. (Oathbringer Ch. 45)

They’ll need to press the people into this, Moash thought. Maybe they can round up some lighteyes and make them trudge across the rock like beasts of burden. He’d like to see that. (Oathbringer Ch. 45)

When he has his own light eyes, Moash is firm in insisting he’s not a lighteyes.

“Everstorm tonight, Brightlord. We were given a half day off, in celebration.” “I’m not a brightlord,” Vyre said, checking the sky. (RoW I-4)

He does seem capable of respecting lighteyes however, if they prove themselves. He talks highly of Graves, and uses the fact that Graves married a darkeyed women to help prove to Kaladin that Graves doesn’t treat people differently based on their eye color. Moash comments in Oathbringer that he used to admire how refined Graves seemed.

Extra Bits

Moash painted his Shardplate blue with red accents, and then later got a custom made uniform that looks like a Bridge Four uniform but it’s black and red. Do with this what you will.

He sticks his hands in his pockets to walk around a lot. In general he has laid back mannerisms, such as scratching his chin, shrugging casually, or resting his elbows on his knees.

The caravaneer salute is visually close to a rude gesture, and apparently they squabble a lot like a family. Moash probably fit in pretty well, even if he didn’t make good friends. It’s also fun to note that caravaneers have a distinct accent. Does Moash have this accent, or does he not for some reason? Does he suppress it? It’s a fun thing to add into writing.

“You did it, Kaladin!” Moash exclaimed. “You found the secret. We need to make this work. Expand it.” (TWoK Ch. 62)

“Your eyes are really changing.” “Yeah,” Moash said. “But I’m not one of them, you hear me? I’m one of us. Bridge Four. I’m our . . . secret weapon.” (WoR Ch. 68)

There is something about these two lines that are connected in my brain. I don’t know what it is, but it’s important. Something about Moash’s use of secret in these scenes reads as so boyish and endearing to me.

“Now, there’s a soldier!” the quartermaster said with a laugh. “Still think you look silly?” He gestured for Moash to inspect his reflection in the mirror on the wall. Moash fixed his cuffs and actually blushed. Kaladin had rarely seen the man so out of sorts. “No,” Moash said. “I don’t.” (WoR Ch. 2)

Moash has a praise kink. Sorry but I’m not wrong.

He isn’t a total asshole, actually

This section is because the way Fuck Moashers write Moash pisses me the fuck off. Moash is gruff, he can be a bit of a bitch, but he’s not a monster. Here are some random quotes of Moash being normal and caring about people.

They were joined by Moash; despite the latter’s protests that he didn’t trust Kaladin, he looked almost as concerned as the other two. [...] “You did this for us,” Moash put in. “We’d have died on that field. Perhaps as many as died in the other bridge crews. This way, we’re only going to lose one.” (TWoK Ch. 34)

Moash stepped in. He wore his Shardplate, as always. “Storms, Kal. Were you asleep? I’m sorry!” “No, I was awake.” “In the darkness?” Kaladin shrugged. (WoR Ch. 77)

“Idolir and Treff?” he asked. “We lost them,” Moash said, growing solemn. “We did two bridge runs while you were unconscious. Nobody badly wounded, but two dead. We…we didn’t know how to help them.” (TWoK Ch. 40)

He barely had time to take a fresh breath of air as the bridgemen reached him, calling out with joy, nearly tackling him in their excitement. “You fool!” Moash said. “You storming fool! What was that? What were you thinking?” (TWoK Ch. 62)

“Head back and get some sleep,” Kaladin said. “You too, Bisig. I saw you on shift this morning.” “And you?” Moash asked Kaladin. [...] Moash raised an eyebrow. “You’ve got to be at least as tired as I am, Kal.” [...] “Then you’ll get some sleep?” Moash asked. (WoR Ch. 22, Moash encouraging Kaladin to sleep.)

Moash rarely glanced in their direction without finding one of them being beaten, yelled at, or abused. Moash’s heart wrenched to see and hear this. [...] His sledge soon caught up to the parshman crew. The two sledges walked side by side for a time, and Moash liked to think that keeping pace with his crew could motivate the poor parshmen. (Oathbringer Ch. 48)

Life Experiences and How That Influences Him

A lot of this becomes speculative as opposed to the above section that was just commenting on directly what we see in the text, but hopefully it’s clear enough what is directly from the book and what is me theorizing based on what we know.

Childhood is important, so lets talk about why Moash is fucked up. Moash lost both of his parents at an undisclosed, young age, and his grandparents raised him. His grandparents were 75 when they died, so Moash was raised by people fairly old. This can have all sorts of fun effects on Moash that you can add into your writing if you so choose. Moash might be familiar with certain pain medications he’d pick up for them, or maybe he’s used to speaking at a louder volume. Moash seems to be aware of how fragile they were.

“You doubt that sending a seventy-five-year-old couple to the palace dungeons is a death sentence?” (WoR Ch. 44)

Moash’s grandparents are also second nahn, which puts him at an interesting and also probably confusing spot in his society to navigate - important, nearly as much as the lowest lighteyes, but still not a lighteyes.

Before we go further we need to talk about Moash’s age. This is all speculation, because we don’t know more than that single line I quoted from Kaladin in the Appearance section earlier. “Younger man” could probably mean anything in your 20s, as low as 18. Kaladin is about 21 in WoR, and if Moash is near Kaladin’s age, I’m going to assume they’re within five years of one another. We also know that Roshone shows up in Hearthstone near the end of 1166, so by those parameters, Moash was anywhere between 10 and 18 when his grandparents were killed.

Personally, I think he needs to have been at least fifteen, because not only is Moash going on caravan trips and working at that point, but he also is completely on his own after their death and I just can’t imagine that for anyone younger than fifteen.

That’s extremely young to be dealing with the sudden death (and practical murder by your own government!) of the people that raised you, after already losing your parents at a younger age. It’s no wonder he didn’t process it well. On top of that, it doesn’t seem like he had any other support structure, and likely no one helped him through those feelings after finding them dead when returning home from a caravan trip. As of WoR, it is eight years since Moash’s grandparents passed, and he still seemed tense and angry about it when telling Kaladin what happened to him. He clearly hasn’t done much healing.

This event was huge in shaping who he is, and is important to keep in mind when writing him. Possibly even more important however, is this feeling of being alone and unwanted.

Huddled groups of people regarded him with hostility, even though he was just another refugee. He’d always been met with hostility, no matter where he storming went. A youth like him, too big and obviously too confident for a darkeyes, had been considered a threat. He’d joined the caravans to give himself something productive to do, encouraged by his grandparents. They’d been murdered for their kindly ways, and Moash … he’d spent his life putting up with looks like that. A man on his own, a man you couldn’t control, was dangerous. He was inherently frightening, just because of who he was. And nobody would ever let him in. Except Bridge Four. Well, Bridge Four had been a special case, and he’d failed that test. Graves had been right to tell him to cut the patch off. This was who he really was. The man everyone looked at with distrust, pulling their children tight and nodding for him to move along. (Oathbringer Ch. 45)

Okay so let’s unpack all that. Joining the caravans “to give himself something productive to do” screams troubled childhood to me, and it sounds like Moash has always had a hard time making real friendships outside of Bridge Four. Moash seems to be ostracized even from other darkeyes and a common target for hostility, and even Kaladin targeted Moash, choosing him of all the bridgemen to punch in the stomach and throw over his shoulder. There were likely a million little things Moash found himself in trouble for throughout his life, his fault or not.

He slid his knife from his side sheath—he still wasn’t used to being able to carry one that long. A knife that was too big could get you into trouble as a darkeyes. (Oathbringer Ch. 43)

It makes sense then why Moash is so standoffish, bristly, and distrustful of others. When everyone you meet immediately brings this hostile or defensive energy, you learn to expect it and guard yourself by being defensive first. Of course, then it becomes a vicious cycle. If there is one thing about Moash, it’s that he loves a vicious cycle. This is a fun thing to include in your plots - make that boy a target of abuse! Make him expect the worst from people until proven otherwise, and in turn people expect the worst from him.

Note that Moash lies to himself, and is good at burying his feelings in layers. If this is just who he is, it helps cover the pain of his life, because then it wouldn't have been possible for his life to have played out differently. Moash rationalizing away pain that he can’t handle feeling is something to keep in mind while writing him. As touched on above, Moash lost his support structures, and he never seemed to really learn how to process his emotions well.

Moash doesn't have a particularly high opinion of himself, likely due to all this bullshit.

“I always do that,” Moash whispered. “Why must we always take something precious, Guff, and find ourselves hating it? As if by being pure, it reminds us of just how little we deserve it. I held the spear, and I stabbed myself with it.…” (Oathbringer, Ch. 45)

Until a specific point in Oathbringer (we'll get to it) he views himself as defective compared to others, but it's important to separate how Moash views his skills and how Moash views himself. One of these things he is confident in, and will train hard until he's very skilled, the other is stuck in this belief that its inevitable that he'll fuck things up, and that is simply “the way that he is”. There is a thing that can happen when you find yourself frequently alone, where you simultaneously hold the belief that you’re better than everyone else and also a piece of shit at the same time. Moash doesn't want people to see things bother him, hell, he doesn’t want himself to know he’s bothered by it, and so he battles this with overconfidence, which is also backed up by him being genuinely good at practical skills.

It's very possible that he was beginning to feel good about himself as he existed for longer in Bridge Four, as he had companionship and people who trusted him and respected his abilities, but after the betrayal it would send all these feelings crushing back down as we can see in his Oathbringer POVs.

Moash looked down at his Shardblade, the wealth of nations, the most valuable possession a man could own. Who am I kidding? he thought. Who did I ever think I was kidding? (Oathbringer Ch. 43, directly before Moash decides to fight Leshwi with a spear instead)

Side note - if he hasn't had very many friendships or people he feels he can be vulnerable with, that helps explain why he doesn't always navigate friendships elegantly and has trouble connecting with others. I also feel the need to note that I have a personal headcanon that Moash is autistic, but that’s not what this document is about so I’m not going to go into it. All the pieces to that are in here though, so you can form your own opinions.

Oathbringer

So Moash has been let down in his life, over and over and over and over again. Everything he tries to do goes wrong, including joining the military, as he gets sent to the bridge crews instead. After the next string of mistakes, Moash finds himself again a slave, but this time under the singers. The world appears to be ending, and Moash is desperately clawing for something to believe in or to relieve the pressure of his pain. Moash thinks he finds it in the fact that under the singers, lighteyes and darkeyes are finally put on the same level, and the lighteyes no longer have power.

Then this too, gets shattered. That’s when we see Moash have a severe crisis, and we get that mentality shift that’s important to inspect if you’re writing Oathbringer Moash.

He wasn’t broken. All of them were broken. Alethi society—lighteyed and dark. Maybe all of humankind. (Oathbringer Ch. 45)

Moash still believes himself a piece of shit, but now everyone else is too. He truly has nothing left in this moment, nothing to believe in. He is isolated, without friends or guidance or help. The world has done nothing for Moash, so he becomes disillusioned. Note that immediately after this, Moash does a classic Moash move of avoiding his feelings and seeking out something that will help numb him - this time, hard labor. My favorite thing when writing Moash is to play around with the various things he uses to avoid feeling his feelings. He is set up to be particularly susceptible to what Odium offers.

They told him to stay away, but Moash barely heard. He picked himself up, dusted himself off, then walked to the third of the work stations—the one seeking hard laborers. (Oathbringer Ch. 45)

Moash often fishes for a reason why things are happening, a justification for why it’s all going wrong. Moash also needs a structure to believe in, and so he flips to giving all his admiration to the singers, who comparatively, have treated him pretty okay thus far. More importantly, the singers aren’t humans, who have done nothing but disappoint him.

And he goes all in. Like he tends to. Boy doesn't do things halfway.

“Stop it!” he snapped, then shoved the other overseer aside. “Don’t you see what you’re doing? You’re becoming like us.” The two overseers stared at him, dumbfounded. “You can’t abuse each other,” Moash said. “You can’t.” (Oathbringer Ch. 48)

Moash needs there to be something good in the world, and he’s latched onto this idea that maybe the singers could be that, and Moash fights to try and keep this world view from shattering too. It’s not really about the singers, it’s about them not being the people who have hurt him over and over.

Hopefully this breakdown of his thought processes is helpful for creating your own disasters for Moash to go through.

Plot You Might’ve Forgotten

Bridge Four doesn’t know why Moash left at the end of WoR.

Moash had been the closest to Kaladin, but he wasn’t in Bridge Four any longer. Kaladin hadn’t said what Moash had done, only that he had “removed himself from our fellowship.” Kaladin got stiff and unresponsive whenever Moash’s name was mentioned. (OB Ch. 35, Sigzil POV)

I don’t know how Kaladin got away with just not telling anyone, but apparently that’s what happened. Sometime between Oathbringer and RoW people seem to be aware of it, or are at least aware that Moash killed Elhokar in Kholinar. Still unclear if they know about WoR events, though a line from Adolin in the court scene in RoW implies at least he knows about Kaladin’s struggle with deciding to kill Elhokar with Moash or not.

Kaladin betrayed Moash. The timeline goes as such: Moash tells Kaladin about his grandparents, and Kaladin puts it together that Moash was behind the shitty attempt on Elhokar’s life. Moash convinces Kaladin to meet with Graves, and Kaladin is not on board for the regicide. Kaladin meets with Graves, and is still not on board for regicide and tells Moash not to meet with them anymore. Kaladin is making plans to round up Graves and his men, but oops Kaladin gets thrown into prison after Whitespine Uncaged. Now Kaladin IS on board for regicide because he got too sad in prison. Kaladin gets wishy washy, but does continue to give Moash the green light. It’s not until literally the last moment that Kaladin is like “wait! Moash we have to get revenge on Roshone instead actually” and understandably so Moash is like “wtf is wrong with you.” It's important to note that Moash breaks Kaladin’s ribs after that, so he definitely wasn’t an angel or anything.

If you want to headcanon that Moash was going to kill the king anyway whether Kaladin agreed to it or not, that’s up to you, but Moash before now wasn't in the habit of lying to Kaladin and he insisted he wouldn’t. He’s been honest the whole time when Kaladin asks.

Kaladin frowned. “Have you still been meeting with them?” Moash looked away. “Only once. To assure them that you’d come around.” (WoR Ch. 56)

Moash got put into the bridge crews for no reason. Remember that thing I said about him continuously being a target of abuse?

“You joined up assuming they’d make you a spearman, didn’t you?” Kaladin asked. Moash hesitated, then nodded. “Some of those who joined with me did become soldiers, but most of us got sent to the bridge crews.” (TWoK Ch. 46)

Interesting to note that he tried to run away.

“This plan of yours had better work, lordling. Last time I ran away, I got a beating. I was told if I tried again, I’d get a slave’s mark instead.” (TWoK Ch. 46)

Moash did not kick that kid. It’s very important to me that you know this. He did kick Lift though that one did happen.

Relationships

Just a brief overview of people Moash has interacted with.

Kaladin - All of ThatTM. They’re foils, they’re best friends, they’re rivals, their fates are bound together, whatever.

Elhokar - Also All of ThatTM.

Bridge Four - Rock pats him on the back, Sigzil and Moash were the biggest haters, Moash jokes with Lopen, etc etc.

Graves - Moash respects him, despite being a lighteyes. Then he dies.

Danlan - The only human woman Moash knows? She was working with Graves to kill Elhokar and is in the meeting Moash brings Kaladin to. They never directly spoke.

Rill - Mercenary working with Graves. He worked as a mercenary on some of the caravans Moash worked on, and is apparently the one that initially approached Moash after Moash was freed to connect him with Graves. This implies Moash probably did a lot of loud complaining about Elhokar while he was working the caravans after his grandparents passed.

Guff - The man Moash asks about after spotting caravaneers in Oathbringer. He’s a wheelwright, and used to work with Moash. I’m not sure of their relationship - Moash starts pouring his heart out to him immediately, but it’s unclear how familiar their relationship is since Guff doesn’t seem particularly caring towards Moash. Moash doesn’t try to seek him out again.

Uncle - Moash apparently used to run caravans with his uncle “as a youth”, but appears to not consider him family. My belief is that Moash’s uncle is the one who got him started in working the caravans.

Ana/Da - Moash’s grandparents. Moash describes them as kindly, and they ran their own silversmith shop. They were second nahn. “The only family he ever had”. Unclear if Ana and Da are their real names, or Moash’s name for grandma and grandpa.

Parents - Moash never mentions his parents except the one time - that they died when he was a child. He was likely pretty young when this happened.

Leshwi - Leshwi thinks he’s silly

Khen / Sah / the other singers - Moash catches a whip and punches somebody in the face for them, so that’s pretty cool. Moash teaches them how to fight with spears so they have something of a chance in the Kholinar siege to be promoted afterwards as Leshwi promises, and they seem somewhat reverent of Moash after he becomes Vyre.

Odium - drug dealer and boss combo. Has seen Moash’s gay thoughts for Kaladin. Appears to Moash as a singer, not human.

Jam - Moash rode in Jam’s caravan to travel to the Shattered Plains to join the military. Kaladin also knew a Jam in Hearthstone. Same Jam? I dunno.

Abrobadar - Moash got this guy’s Shardplate from the duel. Just putting this here because I worked hard to puzzle this out based on Plate color and so I’m gonna bring it up as often as possible. Especially because Abrobadar’s name is stupid.

Gavinor - Moash doesn't kick him. Gav wants to kill Moash anyway the little bitch

Vyre

Sorry I’m not going to finish this section right now, come back later.

#the chances of someone reading this are slim to none but! hey i have the document might as well share it #its actually incredibly bothering to me that this isnt exhaustive lmfao I'll update it later #especially since I left out talking about row (and it was written before wat) to focus on his core personality #anyway hi talk to me about moash #stormlight archive #moash #my-storming-posts

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walkingstackofbooks · 11 months ago

Text

"Are you happier? Now that the war is over?"

It had been meant as a serious question, but from the look on Kira's face, she hadn't caught onto that. "What sort of question is that, 'am I happier'?" she asked, laughing a little as she spoke. "Of course I am! Who isn't?"

Shrugging, Julian forced himself to smile back at her. "No, of course," he agreed. "Silly question."

His smile clearly hadn't been convincing: Kira's own smile had faded as she looked at him more closely, her eyebrows creasing into a frown.

"Have I done something to make you think I'm not?" she asked sharply. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"No-- no, nothing like that," Julian said hurriedly. "I mean, obviously Odo's gone now, and Keiko and the Chief, and Worf, and... and the Captain... But that-- That's different, isn't it, I guess. You can be sad and happy at the same time, right?"

He cringed, knowing that he hadn't quite managed to make sense there: years of practice had made him very good at recognising Kira's 'baffled' expression.

"All these years," said Kira, slowly shaking here head, "and I still don't understand you, sometimes. Of course I miss Odo, and the others -- and while we're at it, of course I'm still angry and-- and upset about the things that happened during the war..." She made a face, banging her fist lightly against the table. "Damn you, you know I'm no good with feelings, that's... there's a lot more there, besides," she added. "And I'm sure as hell not going into that right now...

"But if you're asking whether I'd rather be here, now, living without the threat of the Dominion or the Cardassians, knowing my friends are alive and safe -- and if they're not, at least being able to mourn them in peace, not having to make decisions that could get us all killed if it goes even slightly wrong... or if I'd rather be back there, in the war -- well. It's no contest, is it?"

"In theory, no, of course--"

"In theory?" Kira asked incredulously. "Julian, are you saying you were happier in the war?"

"No!" he exclaimed: that hadn't been what he'd meant at all. "The war was-- it was... Well, you couldn't be happy during the war, could you? Everything was too awful, it was impossible."

"A lot of the time, yeah," Kira said softly. "And that's gonna stick with us for a long time -- but they're only memories, now. We made it."

"We did," Julian said quietly, his eyes fixed on the table. "I just... I thought I'd be happier, I guess. Now that it's all over."

Kira reached forward, brushing her hand over his. "That's what this is all about?" she asked. "You aren't happy?"

"I never said I'm not," Julian objected hotly, looking back up at her -- but a sigh slipped out of him as he realised he didn't actually have an argument, and he shook his head, slumping back into his chair. Kira watched him, not saying anything.

"No, you're right," he admitted, pulling his arms across himself, almost too tight. "I know I'm supposed to be-- I know, after everything, it's so stupid... But, Nerys, I don't-- I don't think I am?"

Stopping to swallow the lump that had risen in his throat, he noticed he eyes had grown wet, which for some reason made him chuckle. "Isn't that silly?" he asked, leaning forward again. "We won the war, but I'm still not happy."

"No, Julian," Kira replied slowly. "I don't think that's silly at all. It's just... It's just very, very sad." She took a breath, reaching out to hold both his hands this time. "I'm sorry," she continued. "I didn't know."

"It's not your fault," he said, squeezing her hands tightly. "For a while, I just thought everyone else was pretending, too, so I just went along with it... And then I started to realise that no, you were all actually at least a little bit okay, and so I had to keep pretending, because happiness is so fragile and I didn't, you know, want to make anyone else feel bad just because I..."

He trailed off, shrugging a little. "I don't know, Nerys. I guess I just wanted to check that it wasn't just me, but it is just me, and now I've told you, and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad--"

"Julian, no," Kira interrupted. "Thank you for sharing this with me -- I'm glad you told me, okay?"

Ears growing hot, Julian ducked his head, not quite sure to do with the wave of emotion spilling over him. Now that he'd told her some of it, he kind of wanted to let everything out. Distractedly, he started tracing patterns on her hands, pushing into them with increasing intensity.

"It's just-- I'm just..." He stumbled over his words, struggling to give voice to the one thought that he'd been trying to ignore for months. "What if this is it for me? What if I'm like this forever? It's been years, Nerys--"

To his horror, his voice cracked, and he covered his mouth, trying to hold back the sobs that were threatening to burst out. Hoping that no-one else had noticed, he looked around the replimat; thankfully the other diners seemed more interested in their own conversations than in him and Kira.

"Would you like to go somewhere less public?" Kira asked. Not quite trusting himself to speak, he nodded, and together they left the replimat.

As they walked down the promenade and up to the habitat ring, Kira steered clear of their previous conversation, chatting about the station, her week, her latest grievance with Quark, and Julian was grateful for the respite. But as soon as they were sat down in her quarters, she turned to him with a most serious expression.

"It isn't right, you feeling like that, you know," she said. "I don't have the answers, I don't know how it gets better -- but we both know someone who would. You haven't tried telling Ezri any of this, have you?"

Julian's stomach tightened: Ezri was the last person he wanted to have this particular conversation with. "Oh, yes, because that would go so well," he retorted sarcastically. "Hi Ezri, I love you, but you don't make me happy. Don't worry, it's not you, I'm just unhappy most of the time. Most of the time? Yeah, it gets better when I'm around you, because then I just kind of feel... nothing. What an improvement!"

"Julian..." whispered Kira, but it was all coming out now and Julian couldn't make it stop. He rose from the sofa, starting to pace as he spoke.

"Did you ever make me happy? Maybe, sweetheart, but I'm not even certain of that. I might have been so desperate for anything even resembling happiness that I just deluded myself into thinking I was in love... Do I even love you? Who the fuck knows, Ezri. Is love even real, or did it die in the war along with every-fucking-thing else?"

His voice had risen louder than he'd intended, condemning him with every word it pushed forcefully into the air. He'd made Kira cry, he thought, but he couldn't quite be sure, his vision being clouded by his own mess of tears.

"How could I possibly tell her that?" he asked, sitting back down heavily, his voice dropping to a hollow whisper. "Kira, how the hell do I tell her that?"

"Come here," she said in way of a response, pulling him against her and holding him tightly, so that he could feel her lips move against his hair as she answered him. "I don't know," she was saying, "but you have to, Julian. I can be there with you if you want but, Prophets, Julian, you have to. How could you not?"

How could he not?

Julian closed his eyes and let himself fall apart against his friend, not even bothering to try to answer her. It was terrifying, after all this time, to finally allow someone to see how broken he really was, but he was far, far too tired to keep it in any longer.

#Julian Bashir #Kira Nerys #Andi writes #DS9 fanfic #weirdly I feel like I've written something along these lines before?#but i can't actually remember doing so?#it might be because all my stuff ends up sounding like this lol i'm such a cliche :P #anyway as ever this wasn't planned it just happened #the past few days there have been like 4 things that have come up in my brain as a little whatsit to just do #i almost started a julian and sisko talk about jadzia during baseball one yesterday #but today i ended up starting to write a song #(i don't miss the war -- but i do miss you)#and then this happened because i can't share the song (yet) but i can share this #wsb

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