#i need a brainwash i need a purpose

[good-soupmens]

Ik the good omens fandom has different takes on God as a character, but I like the idea that she DOES have an ineffable plan, and Heaven is doing their absolute worst job carrying it out.

Most angels never talk to God, and they're usually selfish, they don't do the right thing (only what they're told), and it's even possible they're working under a corrupt power (like the Metatron). I like that theory because Metatron IS the barrier between God and the angels. He could easily lie to them and change plans, and we the audience know that "friendly old man metatron" swindling Aziraphale is not what he seems.

But from the beginning, we see inconsistency. Crowley falls from heaven after asking questions/hanging out with the wrong group while Aziraphale is allowed to lie about the flaming sword and change Heaven's plans. God can see how much he cares about humans and the earth by his actions (Crowley being the same), which makes me think that him getting away with it is intentional, not inconsistent or neglectful. ESPECIALLY if Aziraphale and Crowley run heaven and hell respectively in season 3. They have the power to change things, just like they stopped the world from ending the first time. I think Crowley and Aziraphale ARE the ineffable plan.

Their love could bridge the gap between opposing forces in a way that it couldn't if they were both angels. After all, both heaven and hell think they're doing the better thing while they're both not. Crowley and Aziraphale are the best of both sides.

If bringing them together was God's plan, it'd be a powerful story for queer Christians!! A lot of us have been hurt by the church, but we hold on to God's love, which doesn't fail us. We stay in a religion with a history of fighting queerness not because we're all brainwashed, but because we wholeheartedly believe in a God that loves us. Sometimes I see good omens' heaven as an analogy for toxic churches, and I'd love nothing more than for Aziraphale to realize heaven is working against God. Not to mention God using a gay couple to save the world/save heaven from corruption?? I'd kill for that storyline

Secondly, Aziraphale's devotion wouldn't have been for nothing. If God was awful the whole time, it defeats the times he and Crowley reached out, and the moment in the GOs1 finale where Crowley says, "what if you're going AGAINST God's ineffable plan?" to Gabriel and Beelzebub. (It'd almost defeat the purpose of her being the quirky narrator following their story, too.)

Even Crowley, never fooled by "heaven is all good" calls for God in his time of need ("God listening? Show me an ineffable plan.") (Possibly when he reaches to the sky in order to stop time) (Calling for God before Satan in the burning bookshop) (Looking up and muttering "God" after realizing Aziraphale is going to leave him in s2)

Lastly, after the trauma that both Crowley and Aziraphale went through, with Crowley falling and Aziraphale coming to terms with heaven's corruption (and both being mistreated by their side) it'd be nice to have been for a reason. They have every right to grieve and be angry for all that they went through, and the centuries that they weren't supposed to love each other, but I believe the series will end on a positive, sweet note, like the rainbow after a storm.

Like Job, they're losing almost everything (their relationship as it was, the bookshop, and the life they carved out), but they have each other. I think they'll lose everything to save EVERYONE, and in the end, the reward will top the pain. No holding back, no forces hunting them down, just them together after a PAINFULLY long time with everything they'd wanted.

We know that God doesn't get around to answering many questions, but her speech to Job was in part to say "trust me"

She laid the foundations of the earth. She made every living thing. Job couldn't see past the destruction of his life, but she has a plan. Job is a valuable human being, but he doesn't have the power and knowledge of God. God will share her plan when he can make a whale. Otherwise, he can trust that "Most things are fine in the end"

*Aziraphale voice* That's ineffable!

[omarwolaeth]

Actually, on a similar note to last post (abt ritual au stuff), it actually made me look into bracelet girl ace monster design a bit. Specifically around their faces.

The bracelet girl's ace monsters have a single unifying feature: empty eyes. They have eyes, sure, but they're a single colour with no defined iris or pupil - they look distant and out of place in comparison to the other monsters of their archetypes... well, they mostly have this trait.

And I'd argue its Natural Energy related (rambling below the cut)

Melodious is a little bit outlying here, all things considered - Both Mozarta and Bloom Diva are ace monsters, and both have empty eyes, so they don't look hugely out of place given each other's existences.

The same occurs with Windwitch - Winter Bell - even if half of the Windwitches don't even have eyes to contrast them. Fusion monster Crystal Bell is a recoloured Diamond Bell with some changed design elements, but needs Winter Bell as her named fusion material (Diamond Bell not showing up in anime at all does not help), and has the same eyes as Winter Bell.

The phenomenon appears most obvious in Lunalight. Any Lunalight with visible eyes have more human looking eyes than Cat Dancer, of whom just has blank yellow eyes. (Leo added for reference on this, and also because of Duel Links.)

Its this same phenomenon that breaks as soon as Lyrilusc is brought up. Assembled Nightingale is the only extra deck Xyz Lyrilusc we see Ruri use, which is pretty fair to her considering it can close out games on its own effects (add Wagtail to her collection of overlay units and watch your opponent squirm),

but then... we have Independent Nightingale. Not by choice, granted; Independent is one of the two Parasite Fusioner-made monsters alongside Crystal Bell, and- and what's this?

So- So Independent Nightingale has the empty eyes, but not Assembled? And I did double check the other Xyz 'luscs, and lo-and-behold; it really is only Independent (who, now I'm looking at her, I realise her wings have talons on the ends.)

Anyway. Now we've gone through the ace monsters shown in anime (and at least one that wasn't but was very related), what would this have to do with the Natural Energies?

I have to talk about the girls super briefly for that. In order shown in the post; we have Hiiragi Yuzu (Flowers/Melodious), Rin (Winds/Windwitch), Serena (Moon/Lunalight), and Kurosaki Ruri (Birds/Lyrilusc). Each of them were made by dividing Akaba Ray up like Zarc was; divided by a Natural Energy interacting with the dragon it counters.

All of Zarc's Dragons have the same empty eyes trait as all of the above monsters (minus Assembled) - again, same order as above;

Which, if we take these things into account, imply the empty eyes should be dragon eyes instead (through influence of the Natural Energies). This, also then, implies that Lyrilusc might not be crafted to suit each bracelet girl as closely as the others seemingly were (I'm staring directly at Rin with regards to this), assuming the Natural Energies crafted monsters in their images.

But, Lyrilusc aren't the only birds Ruri theoretically has. Through Kurosaki Shun, who is her brother, we have Raidraptors. And we know he learned Lyrilusc to teach it to Ruri, so assumedly it fills the bracelet girl equivalent of Performapal existing before its Yuboy does? I think it'd be neat if it turned out she did know how to play Raidraptor (to everyone's surprise or not.)

By virtue of being giant mechanical birds, all of them have the empty/dragon eyes trait as the other monsters here (Rise Falcon for reference.)

Does it mean anything? Eh, probably not? It appears to be a "this is designed to counter [dragon], because it was made in said dragon's defeat", which Lyrilusc achieves on its own anyway - low attack stats bolstered by repetitive attacking and just ignoring that your opponent has monsters.

Is it an inconsistency that will bug me to the end of time? Yes.

[hauntingblue]

Justice for jolyne wdym emporio defeated pucci

[onlineufo]

people grilling idols for their performances is so silly to me. go ahead practice singing and dancing for 14+ hours a day, get little to no sleep, have a concerningly strict diet, constantly be surrounded by people, constantly be on camera, and have no freedom. get up on stage and sing live while doing intense choreo in front of a crowd of people and cameras. make sure you dont make a mistake though! or else thousands of people could discredit your hard work and call you untalented! i get that it's their job but people have likely already criticized them for the same exact things you're trying to point out. why not just refrain from posting about it and focus on yourself! <3

[oathtorn]

// something something Minthara and many other drow being the perfect victims for the Absolute because never before they have felt loved by a god

[fangedprinx]

Rotating the brainwashed assassin character in my mind

Or rather the character brainwashed to no longer be an assassin

Amoral and selfish character forced by magic to be a good person, eventually starts to like it enough that the magic isn´t needed anymore

It's a lot of fun to think about a character who has been forced to change but who once the force compelling them is gone, still doesn't want to change back to who they were, because it's more than mind control, it's deeper, it's conditioning and habit and instinct now (except in this scenario it's to use their abilities to benefit others and care what happens to other people, instead of for something nefarious)

[natureismynature]

Here's a list of things I liked in s4 because I need more than one morbidly beautiful opening shot to give me a purpose in life:

Confirmation that Ben and Viktor were close as children

Proof that Ben's always had a mean streak in him, the brainwashing just made him seem like a saint

The concept of the time subway

Five's Deli

That scene with Diego spinning in the air with bullets swirling around him

Jennifer having a Filipina actress

Diego and Lila's daughter being named Grace

Klaus practically being Claire's other parent

Luther embracing the silly

Gene and Jean

[whumpandothercomfort]

There's a flavor of whump I'm always craving that I don't see very often, I think because the possibilities are so context-specific. You can do some things in some universes that you can't in others! You can do certain things with non-human characters that you can't with others!

But hear me out:

Whumper making physiological changes to Whumpee's body.

Could be through programming for robot characters, dedicated brainwashing for humans, magic for fantasy settings, weird biology for aliens...

A few examples off the top of my head:

Alien species that instinctively responds to neck squeezing by going limp like a scruffed kitten, because this helped them survive encounters with predators. Delicious all on its own -- now throw in a quick surgery to permanently clamp the nerve responsible. Whumpee wakes up in a permanent state of relaxed submission and can't even show how terrified they are.

Obedience programming/training that's wired directly into a character's brain. When the system detects unwanted thoughts, it applies pain. Even after rescue, Whumpee can't think of themselves as an autonomous being because their mind is desperately protecting itself.

Characters with magic having their magic corrupted or bound so it either hurts them to use, or it can only be used to serve Whumper's purposes. Bonus points if Whumper has full control over their magic AND the use of it hurts them.

Characters given a brain implant or parasite that stimulates the reward center of the brain, which would be great, except they can't turn it off. They're kept in a constant state of bleary euphoria... with just enough sense of self left to know they want it to stop.

Characters being spelled or programmed so they physically cannot function independently. Characters who very literally NEED to be given permission to do things like relax or take a walk or even use the bathroom. Not being given this permission leaves them in a state of locked stasis -- fully aware of the time passing. Bonus: Caretaker can't reverse it, so they just HAVE to navigate All Of This.

Alien species that will a develop chronic physical illness if deprived of touch for too long. Said illness can only be treated through regular physical touch. Defiant Whumpees will often be locked in solitary confinement and fed through a slot in the bars until symptoms start to manifest. Sometimes they'll be left even longer, to make sure they end up a severe case. And now, oopsie, the only way to ease this horrible pain is by letting your captors put their hands on you!

Just. Physiological whump. The horror of someone else controlling your body or your mind. Betrayal of body. Etc. Do you understand.

[enkephallic]

Limbus Company: Deep Analysis of Sin

So, I decided to take a deeper dive into the different sin types in Limbus Company.

The TLDR Version:

Wrath - Unable to accept something

Lust - Having a strong desire

Sloth - Losing sight

Gluttony - Satisfaction-seeking

Gloom - Controlled by pain

Pride - Contempt of others/selfishness

Envy - Desire to surpass

Regarding the sinners' skills, the sin position is important as well. A S1 sin is a surface-level appearance, but S3 represents something deep inside them.

The detailed explanations are under the cut!

Wrath

Wrath, on the surface level, can present as being irritable or hard to get along with.

Wrath S1 examples

LCB Ishmael, who seems irritable and nitpicky at first.

Seven Heathcliff "Why am I doing this stupid job?"

Hook Office Hong Lu "Don't speak so softly, I'll feel homicidal"

S2 gets closer to how they really feel. The feeling of wrath comes from the feeling of "I can't accept this" - whether it's how they're being treated, how their environment is, etc.

Wrath S2 examples

LCB Heathcliff (past speculation) - Discriminated, mistreated, resenting what's happening to him

LCB Sinclair (past) - I don't want to get prosthetics

W Corp Hong Lu - Bored with his job.

And S3 wrath represents a strong rejection - they won't accept Anything they deem contrary to their own beliefs and ideals. It is a violent refusal.

Wrath S3 examples

N corp identities who are brainwashed - Kill all the dissenters and heretics.

Pequod Ishmael - "It's MY way or the HIGHWAY, god damn it!" (Throws a fit if another ID kills an enemy)

R Corp Ishmael - Hates it to the point she's looking for Singularity information of old R corp

LCB Rodya - I can't accept this armchair revolution and endless poverty. I have to kill this old windbag.

Lust

Lust in this case is a pursuit of something non-physical - a relationship, an ideal, a core element of your self. On the surface level, this can present as really wanting to be something.

Lust S1 Examples

LCB Don Quixote - Wants to become a great Fixer.

W Corp Ryoshu - Wants to be a great artist.

Sous Chef Gregor - Wants to improve his cooking.

S2 is a little stronger than just normal desire. They will willingly hurt other people or trample them to achieve their goal.

Lust S2 Examples

Tingtang Gangleader Hong Lu - Uses violence and is callous to those invading his turf

The One Who Grips Faust - Massacres Sinclair's village to get what she wants

LCB Ryoshu - Her idea of beauty ties in with violence

S3 is a little different - It's desiring something so badly on an existential level. It's pretty much what they live for.

Lust S3 Examples

R.B. Chef Ryoshu - Needs to be one of the Eight. Will stop at nothing to achieve this.

N Corp Heathcliff - Not brainwashed, doesn't really want to be. Wants to preserve his "true self".

G Corp Gregor - After an irreversible transformation, fully believes his reason to exist is to be a killing machine.

Interestingly, both LCB Heathcliff and Hong Lu have a Lust S3.

Sloth

Sloth is inaction, watching from the sidelines, not seeing what is in front of you. This can start with just simply being misguided, believing something to be true when it's not.

Sloth S1 Examples

W Corp Don Quixote - "I am working at a Wing!! CHOO CHOO!! Sally forth!!"

LCB Outis - Her piss-poor act of blind acceptance and obedience.

LCB Meursault - It is simply none of my business if Sinclair hyperventilates and vomits on the floor.

S2 sloth is more purposeful, not taking action when one should or purposefully being ignorant of reality.

LCB Faust - Does not tell Dante and the others a lot of information and doesn't stop sinners from running amok.

LCB Hong Lu - Despite being perceptive, does not seem to register bad situations as bad or react to pain appropriately.

G Corp Gregor - This feels wrong but I'll just continue with it anyway.

S3 sloth is a total loss of vision, not being able to see what's important to them. Losing sight of all they used to desire, and doing nothing about it.

Dieci IDs - Lost their memory and doesn't even remember what was most important to them.

K Corp Hong Lu - Doesn't seem to mind his total loss of freedom and autonomy, despite desiring freedom in other IDs.

LCB Yi Sang - Could not care about anything he once loved or aspired to be, until he was able to gain his wings once more.

Blade Lineage Don Quixote - Once used her strength to fight alongside her comrades, but now kills for purely her own sake.

Gluttony

Gluttony is a desire to be satisfied, whether it's something material or psychological. This can present like greed or selfishness at first sight.

S1 Gluttony Examples

LCB Rodya - "I want meat, I want money, I want to gamble!"

LCB Ryoshu - "Let me smoke. Let me do as I please."

Lantern EGO Don Quixote - Curious about the abnormalities and wanting to know more about them

S2 Gluttony is wanting more at a crucial point in their life, or desiring more than they could chew. It could also mean getting hooked into something or addicted.

S2 Gluttony Examples

LCB Ishmael - "I quit my job, I need something that's not labour hellscape... Hm? That hag can sure talk..."

R Corp Heathcliff - Began deriving enjoyment from killing

N Corp Don Quixote - Didn't even need the brainwashing, got hooked onto the N Corp ideology herself

S3 Gluttony seems to be the final stage of seeking what they desire - being satisfied, even when they shouldn't be.

S3 Gluttony Examples

Tingtang Gangleader Hong Lu - Seems completely happy and enjoying himself

Seven Heathcliff - Actually learned to like his job

W Corp Hong Lu - Doesn't want praise or a raise, just fine with how things are now

Gloom

Gloom represents pain, and how it affects how the person treats their situation or other people. On the surface level, they may appear melancholic or having given up.

S1 Gloom Examples

LCB Yi Sang, LCB Gregor - Self explanatory.

Rosespanner Meursault - Crushed by work

R Corp Ishmael - Headache, pain, does not like it here

S2 Gloom is a moment of despair, when something in their heart was broken. This may also involve guilt and inflicting pain.

W Corp Don Quixote and most W Corp IDs (Except Hong Lu and Ryoshu) - The shocking reveal of what W Corp really is.

N Corp Heathcliff - "What the hell am I even doing??"

Lobotomy EGO Heathcliff - "All my friends are dead."

S3 Gloom can represent letting their pain affect how they treat others. Lashing out, being insensitive to others' pain, or simply giving up and accepting the hurt as inescapable.

W Corp Yi Sang - Abandoned hopes for freedom, just wants it to hurt a little less

G Corp Outis - Knows she cannot escape the unfair treatment

LCB Ishmael - Lashes out and hurts others because she is deeply hurting, making it more painful for her too

Pride

Pride is the belief that they are different from other people, and so the rules don't apply to them. This can seem as arrogance at first, even if they are not actually like that.

S1 Pride Examples

LCB Sinclair - Rich boy 1

LCB Hong Lu - Rich boy 2

LCB Faust - Doesn't hide that she thinks she's better than everyone else

S2 Pride can contain disdain for other people, and believing they are better than those around them. Therefore, their actions can be excused in their eyes.

S2 Pride Examples

LCB Meursault and LCB Outis - Competent and they know it themselves. Outis thinks of her comrades as dirt and points and laughs when they die.

W Corp Ryoshu - Her art comes from chopping up the dead and deformed passengers, doesn't give a single shit about them

LCB Rodya - Believed she was special enough to make a difference and split the hag's skull.

S3 pride goes a step further - their own desires take precedence over anyone else's. They may even see other people's lives as literally the same as a blade of grass. If they want something, they'll trample everything and anything.

S3 Pride Examples

The One Who Grips Faust - Probably doesn't even give a shit about the grand ideology or her minions. Just did it because she could, and wanted to.

The Middle Little Sister Don Quixote - "I can kill anyone who disrespected my organization!"

LCB Ryoshu - Has the littlest regard for human life.

Envy

Envy can start out with the simple desire to surpass someone, to become better than others. To want more than what other people have.

S1 Envy Examples

Tingtang Gangleader Hong Lu - Began wanting to be stronger, to have more power.

LCB Heathcliff - Rich bastards are annoying, they don't deserve it more than I do

Shi Ishmael - Just wants to survive in a world of dog eat dog

S2 envy is the need to be better than what you once were, to surpass yourself and get something accomplished.

S2 Envy Examples

LCB Yi Sang - Bettered his own craft and created the mirror.

Pequod Members - Lay their past self to rest, and opted to hunt the whale.

R.B. Chef Ryoshu - Wants to make better and better pies

S3 Envy is the result of their desire to surpass - or that they have accomplished something, but with a heavy price.

S3 Envy Examples

W Corp Ryoshu - Extremely powerful, but her sword will suck up her health if she doesn't charge it properly.

R Corp Heathcliff - Gained insane power but lost something important to him in the process.

LCB Sinclair - Was able to avoid getting prosthetics but his whole family dead.

Pequod Heathcliff - Managed to get out of the Middle but is covered in scars he can't erase.

I will continue to write more specific theories, but this is how I feel about the sin affinities right now! I'd love to write about EGO and enemies as well soon.

[meanbossart]

What do you mean with 'an incident he just kind of stumbled onto' referring to Du drow's loss of virginity? I don't recall you talking about his first time with sex so sorry if you've already addressed the topic

Hm I'm honestly not sure if I have! I'm just doing to assume not.

A bit of context: DU drow operated as a vagrant between the ages of 12 through 18. He resided and sustained himself mostly in the woods between cities and occasionally stopped by towns to take odd-gigs and supplies he might be in need of. While he did know how to speak and act around people to at LEAST not be considered a complete lunatic, he definitely came off as a major odd-ball and probably became a bit of a character wherever he went.

Most people were not interested in becoming acquaintances with him, let alone friends or lovers. It's also worth remembering that he looked vastly different back then - he was a 6'5" lanky young man with a gaunt face, sinewy body and almost hip-length hair that he didn't comb and barely washed, not to mention assumed to be a drow of some sort by most and hence, stigmatized and avoided wherever he went. This was the one exception:

He met an elven woman in the outskirts of town who offered him shelter for a night, a bath and cooked food. She was a widower and a lonely person in her own right who was probably charmed by his eccentricity and the mystery surrounding him. She wasn't a seductress or with any kind of evil intent - rather, somebody who felt a connection to this man who she assumed to be an ostracized drow just trying to get by, and believed that a little kindness could go a long way. And to emphasize: someone who was very lonely and likely had baggage of her own.

DU drow was socially inept but he still developed as any "normal" man would, he had a vague idea of what sex was even without having ever partaken in it, and he found her attractive. So, when she shyly came onto him during that night he simply went along with it, and they had an encounter that though awkward, was otherwise normal by all intents and purposes.

Afterwards, the elf attempted to get him to open up to her in conversation and in the process, found out that DU drow was only seventeen years old. She became upset and asked him to leave, which DU drow would have done without inflicting any further harm had Sceleritas not stopped him on the way out.

DU drow has always experienced an emotional overlap of sorts between sex, love and violence, and would have had visions and urges around this woman the same as he goes on to have with Astarion, simply choosing to not act upon them because he saw no reason to. Sceleritas told him that those experiences were a sign, and that taking this person's life was now a part of his supposed "trials". Since DU drow had let himself be entirely brainwashed in this pursuit for greatness at that point, he fulfilled the butler's bidding with no questions. Going back into the home, killing the elf in her bedroom, and leaving the town that same night.

[headspace-hotel]

facts about The Fear, after 20 years of life with her

The Fear is NOT:

an intruder, invader, or some other entity from "outside" You

inappropriate, wrong, or incorrect

a responsibility

a punishment

"irrational" or otherwise able to be understood through a relationship to "rationality"

an "inaccurate" representation of reality

The Fear IS:

an innate part of you

extra-rational—she exists outside and completely independent from "rationality" and does not respond to being judged according to that lens

self-love—her purpose is to protect you and keep you safe

self-sufficient—fear is a 100% whole, complete entity that doesn't "represent" or "reflect" something else

earnest—fear is always a 100% real experience that is exactly as it is felt, and, needing no comparison or reference to any external reality, it is not "dishonest" or "inaccurate"— it asserts a claim about only itself

subversive [not quite the word I am looking for but it will have to do]— is not necessarily beholden to social and cultural norms of what should be feared, how much, and how you should respond. She does not stop existing in the absence or suppression of vocabulary to describe her.

a demand for care— she does not just communicate to you but to the community you are part of; she calls attention to an obligation that this community has toward you, to make sure that you are safe within it and that your experiences are heard and understood.

yeah, so, i've had severe anxiety for my whole life and the way it's been treated and dealt with, and the way I've been taught to understand it, has really fucked me up so I am trying to lay the groundwork for understanding it differently

I think it's pretty fucked up that we're taught to see anxiety as deceptive or inaccurate. Now, obviously the images or projections in my fearful thoughts do not usually "reflect reality," but I have come to see this as...not particularly important?

Teaching an anxiety sufferer to restructure their thoughts to dismiss and contradict "irrational" fear is, in my opinion, the same as teaching a chronic pain sufferer to restructure their thoughts to dismiss and contradict pain with no clear physical source. You might as well speak of "irrational" pain, and pain has the same relationship to rationality that fear has.

"Irrationality" is a quality assigned to fear that is judged by an outside observer, or by the collective cultural biases and hang-ups of a society, as not appropriate to a given situation. This is total fucking nonsense and we should be talking about that, because...well, the first reason is that it implies some kind of fixed standard for what fear ultimately is and isn't for. i like to tell people to watch one of those Coyote Peterson videos where he's going to get a tarantula hawk wasp to sting him, because he's obviously having a strong physical fear response, even though he knows it won't kill him. Is it "rational" to fear suffering and not just death? How much suffering? Sit with that one a little while.

The second reason, which is even more convincing, is that the "rational" brain is not consulted at any point, ever, when a person feels afraid. It's just a response. The fear response is not routed through the conscious, sapient, reasoning brain. And thank God, because if we needed to hear back from an upstairs executive before we could decide whether to run from a lion, our species would be extinct.

Techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy were absolute fucking shit at making my life any better, but fantastic at wrecking my ability to identify my own emotions, because Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for anxiety basically amounts to trying to brainwash yourself into thinking you don't feel the emotions that you do. It's a really neat way to develop bizarre psychosomatic symptoms and start experiencing anxiety through constant body pain, swollen lymph nodes, and digestive issues.

For an institution that pathologizes having "alters," psychiatry sure loves to encourage a suffering person to view normal and ultimately good parts of themselves as distinct, intruding entities to be shoved in a closet somewhere.

And yes. Fear is ultimately a good part of you, a part of you that loves you.

What began to set me free was feeling that acid terror and sickness and rage course through my body and realizing—really realizing—that I was being illuminated with this ancient, powerful force driving me to LIVE.

I want us to make it. I want you to live.

And you know what, I want me to live too.

I abandoned the doctrine of calming down—Lord knows it had never worked anyway—and started really just exploring and existing in the Fear.

How did that feel? Bad. Very very very very very bad and really not productive or helpful at all initially. Which was unavoidable. Necessary. She had been frantically clawing to communicate with me for so long, and I had been shutting her away, silencing her, resenting her presence in my psyche. I started trying to show gratitude toward the signals my body gave me. I started trying to show gratitude toward her—and i guess the Fear was a Her now, this just seemed more respectful.

And it seemed like nothing happened, but several things happened.

I stopped searching for validation. That was a big one. At some point I just...stopped needing a "reason" or justification for the fear I felt (trauma???? neurodivergence???? neurodivergence trauma????) and the fact that I experienced it became completely sufficient and satisfying to me. So much guilt and confusion disappeared.

I also became steadily more confident about my own boundaries, particularly in regards to recovery.

It's awful now that I think about it, but I think I felt this sense of almost moral obligation towards "recovery," as if I needed to "overcome fear" to be Courageous and Virtuous. It made me feel crushing guilt to feel any hesitation about this.

But then this started to change. It became more real to me that was the only person affected by the steps I did or didn't take toward recovery, and there was no moral dimension to it. A therapist couldn't put me in a box I wouldn't willingly go into.

Freedom from these judgmental frameworks is really important to me. I think that I always hated the idea of getting "better" because it seemed like "better" would mean just getting better at submitting to things I was afraid of while everything felt just as bad as it always did on the inside.

And on some level—even though I could never put it into words at the time—I violently hated the idea of "recovery" from some of my fears because it seemed like the ultimate denial of agency. I didn't want to "become okay with it"—the possibility felt dehumanizing. It felt awful.

And I realize now that this is because The Fear represented something I needed to have a right to. Many of my most life-destroying fears centered around things being done to my body, and if I could have pressed a button and been no longer afraid, I wouldn't have, even though it would have spared me so much suffering, because...I needed it to be okay to want agency over my body. I needed it to be right. The Fear, in this case, was a demand that my body be treated as sacred.

I realized that there were many cases where The Fear was a territorial claim of sorts, a demand that certain needs be honored and met—She needs this. This is FUCKING non-negotiable.

And it really...prompted me to look backward on my life and see The Fear differently: not as a responsibility I had failed to shoulder (me?? a little child??? responsible?? Responsible for being brave, when every day felt like facing a firing squad?????) but as a collective responsibility

Because I was not alone in those memories—I was surrounded by adults that saw me suffering, and often dismissed, ignored or ridiculed it. The Fear grew larger and larger; why?—to protect me. Because teachers, nurses, doctors, and camp counselors did not do any of the thousand thousand things they could have done to make that little girl feel safe. Because my well-meaning parents praised me when I was "brave" but I, a little kid, literally couldn't communicate how awful it always felt.

The Fear was not there to torture me. The Fear was and is doing her best to keep me safe. It's not wrong, there's no need for guilt. It just is.

It doesn't feel good. But maybe one day it will feel better.

[bg-brainrot]

One thing I, personally, can't relate to when discussing BG3 companions: not loving each and every single one of these little weirdos.

Obviously, Astarion's my favorite (gestures at, well, everything on my blog), but I love all of the companions SO much. They're each so unique, so flawed, so painfully relatable.

Now, a quick disclaimer: by all means, these aren't the only or even the best reasons to appreciate these characters, but they're some of my personal favorites!

Some reasons to love them...

Astarion, even against two centuries of torture and trauma, for breaking that cycle of abuse and learning to become his own man.

Gale, despite her reigns on his past, on his power, for going against his goddess's wishes and living on to rectify his mistakes, rather than dying for them.

Karlach, even after everything she's ever done, after finding no catharsis in the act of revenge, for keeping her head, her ax, and her hopes high.

Lae'zel, despite realizing that her entire reason for living is a lie, for fighting on to find new meaning and build a world she'd be proud to fight for.

Shadowheart, even after finding out that her very existence is a lie, for stumbling forth into a new world, one where her devotion is hers to share.

Wyll, despite his deep, undying love for his father, for learning that he needn't sacrifice everything for the ones he loves, he has those who love him in turn.

Halsin, who for all intents and purposes doesn't need to bother with all of this, for caring enough about people, about you, to do whatever he can to help.

Minthara, after being brainwashed, betrayed, destroyed, for ultimately rising from the ashes of herself to follow and support you in anything and everything.

Jaheira, who had all but given up on passing the torch, who after love and loss decided to go out fighting, for trusting you, a kindred spirit to let her rest.

Minsc, with not a single thought behind those eyes, for understanding friendship and loyalty so deeply, that he joins your crew faithfully on Jaheira's words.

It's been a long time since I loved every single one of my companions in a game like this (maybe DA2?), and I'm so weirdly grateful to them for helping me understand myself better.

Anyway, I just think they're all super neat, interesting characters. You definitely don't need to love them all, but I certainly think it's a blast!

[starboyyoongi]

thoughts on sukuna + subliminal brainwashing (sex) videos

based off of a random tumblr post, brainwashing subliminal videos (research purposes, of course), and a nasty, little daydream

NO OKAY BUT LISTEN and hear me out: subliminal brainwashing videos. you know the ones that people make where they’re brainwashing you into being a submissive little slut amongst other things? and the videos are, like, twenty minutes long? or even longer? yeah, those videos.

i feel like sukuna would be into them, but it would start out as a joke? like, he wouldn’t take it too seriously at first seeing as how he found it on a porn site of all places, but he’s still intrigued nonetheless. he’d think about trying it on himself to see if it’ll work, but then he gets the genius idea of trying it out on you instead. there’s no guarantee that the videos will work, but he’s so damn curious that he can’t help but see it for himself.

the first time that sukuna shows it to you, he’s calling your name out loud and walking towards you with his laptop in his hands. he sets it down in front of you and starts laughing, telling you about how he came across some “stupid sex subliminal videos” and he wanted you to see it. you sit through an entire video and by the time that it’s done, you’re not even close to being brainwashed.

instead, you’re laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing is and scrolling through the comments that others have left. he’s laughing too, but only because he’s trying to hide his disappointment. you never catch on to it, though, and by the time that the night’s over, you’ve already forgotten about the video. sukuna hasn’t though, and he instead finds himself feeling even more intrigued by the so-called subliminals.

so much so, that he decides to start playing them while you’re asleep. the whole thing is strange—very, very strange even for him—but he’s just so fucking curious. he feels like a pang of guilt in his chest the first few nights that he plays them, but the feeling ends up going away not too long after. sukuna knows that he doesn’t need a subliminal to brainwash you into being a submissive slut for him—he already does that on his own. all it takes is him sinking his teeth into your neck and pushing his fingers knuckles deep inside of your pussy for you to go all stupid and cock hungry.

but…

but it’s just something about brainwashing you, unknowingly at that, that makes him feel excited. seeing the way your body reacts to whatever’s being said in the videos every night brings out something almost primal in him. it’s dirty, nasty, down right perverted, but he loves it.

so, so much.

and he loves it even more when he feels you desperately grinding against his cock and grabbing at his arms as you stare up at him with those big, pretty eyes. you’re babbling the same words that were said in the videos verbatim and you don’t even realize it. the thought alone is enough to make sukuna let out a deep, low moan, eliciting a small gasp from you.

“am i being a good doll for you, ‘kuna?”

“yes, baby. such a good doll for me.”

[yanderemommabean]

Am I the only one who needs to be strapped down by the wrists and ate out against my will by alpha elias while I struggle to not show how good everything feels and beg for him to stop despite my arching body telling him the opposite?

Bonus if he flips darling over, jerks their hips upwards and sets a teasing pace with one hand pushing their upper body down so they can’t do anything but arch backwards into him and grip the sheets for dear life. All the while licking a stripe up their neck before burying his teeth into their nape to mark them, growling possessively when they refuse to moan for him, digging deeper and thrusting into them harder until they whimper in submission.

Bonus Bonus if it’s Doc Lee’s butterfly and he’s made to watch, threatening to cum inside them if he looks away.

((Female reader! Hope you beans can enjoy!))

“You’re so cute when you try to fight this” The deranged man murmurs against your skin, ice once again filling your veins as his fingers come to clutch at your thighs to spread them apart, massaging the meat and fat of them as he soaks in the sight of you, bare and open, ready for him to gorge himself on.

“The fact no one has kissed every scar and told you they were beautiful paint strokes on your canvas, shows me there’s truly less hope for humanity than I thought” Elias praises as his fingers begin to trace up and down your hips and the apex of your thighs. “Every pretty vein, every mark and mole, every scar from small to large deserves to be savored and kissed. You’re a beautiful soul who does nothing but give and give and give” he murmurs, placing a soft kiss to the top of your mound. “Such battle scars. Gorgeous even if they came from a time of hideous treatment to you”.

You feel his warm breath against you while your bindings only tighten, holding you still as the maniac worships you, praises you like you’re truly a relic or a god, as if He truly believed you gave him a purpose. You were ashamed of how your breath was stolen from you, his nimble fingers hardly touching you yet bringing out such pleasure, even when in such a state of panic.

“I know you say you don’t want this, that you only have feelings for that rat of a doctor…But I know he’s just simply brainwashed you. He doesn’t know how to treat you, hoards you like an object rather than spoil you like a lover”.

You spit something out to him, but the gag in your mouth doesn’t allow it to truly be heard. It's just more amusement for the psycho as you tremble and hiss like a terrified cat. How absolutely precious. Elias just grins, wicked and wild as he helps turn your head to face the right of you, where in the corner of the room, Lee had been bound and gagged as well, anger clear in his eyes and features as he venomously spews words that are muffled and garbled.

Elias just kisses down your bare body once again, amused and gleeful as the doctor struggles. “Oh don't tell me you thought this was a private show? Tsk tsk tsk then how would that doctor learn his lesson? No no my dear, he’s going to watch, and you are going to be good and put on a good show. I’d hate to have to take his fingers or pull his teeth, but if you insist on misbehaving…I can give it a shot”.

Oh god he was serious. Lee wouldn’t ever be caught, not by someone so easily. But again, Elias isn’t just anyone. He’s at this facility for a reason. His hand comes to cup your warmth, slowly letting his fingers spread your lips so he could feel the dewy skin, shuddering as he breathes in your scent. “Don't be too in your own head, lovely. Just relax, let me take care of everything else. Lee will be fine, if he can behave. Don't worry your cute little head about it”.

You whimper at that, his fingers sliding up your folds to toy with your clit, his eyes molten and hot as they watched you writhe and gasp from just a few quick circles being rubbed. Cute. You must really be pent up if that's all that gets you going. Not that he minds, mind you. Sensitivity just means more fun for him.

“Good. So good for me. Look at you, arching into my touch already. I haven’t even done anything” he muses, sliding his body back down until your legs were once again around his head, not that they had much of a choice. He hears Lees grunts and muffled vulgarity, but pays it no mind as he drags his tongue up from your fluttering hole to your twitching clit, greedily sucking the bud while his shoulders relax.

Yes. This is exactly where he needs to be. Between your thighs while you use his face, make him your little toy to use and throw away when you’re done. But of course, Lee had to try and take that luxury away from him too. If he had it his way, well, you’d be doing a lot more room visits for him that’s for sure. He doesn't mind following the majority of rules in this place, but he draws the fucking line at Lee trying to take you away from him.

Listening to your moans and whimpers as his tongue happily laps away, it almost makes him forget that the doctor is in here, watching as he drinks your ambrosia. He almost hates that he’s here, listening to you, but having him just an arms reach away and unable to take you, it gave him a wicked feeling of amusement.

His soft petal lips suck on your folds, moving to suck on your little bud aggressively as you gasp and try to kick, the pleasure shooting up your spine being too much and making you go taut, before once again relaxing as he holds your legs still and drags his tongue through your wetness again and again like a thirsty animal, drool covering his chin as he loses himself and tries to show your body just how much he loves you, loves your smell, your warmth, your taste- everything about you was mouth watering.

You have fresh tears dripping down your beautiful face when his viper like eyes stare back up at you, and his cock only throbs harder. He loves sending you to such planes of bliss that it’s too much to handle. So much love that you can’t fathom, so you cry. Every time you climax, it’s a sign of how much you love each other, right? That has to be why your pretty eyes are so wet and weary. You just feel so much love, you don't know what to do.

Don’t worry. He knows exactly what you need.

His hands grip your legs more firmly, lifting them up so they rested on his shoulders as he completely loses himself in you, giving you no reprieve or break as his mouth gets to work, slurping, sucking, licking and swirling right where you need it to, bringing you to the edge and not just tipping you over- with how strong it felt you might as well have been launched off, your body arching and shaking as Elias still, rather obscenely, eats you out, helping you ride through the orgasm as he continues drinking you down and savoring you on his tongue.

It’s wet, his face is covered, sweat drool and your essence is dripping down his face as he pulls away to lick his lips, chuckling darkly as he rubs up and down your legs that were still shaking on his shoulders. “Did that feel good? You came so hard baby, looked so beautiful, so sexy. Just a few more and I think it’ll shake that stage fright, don't you? Then we can really show that doctor over there how your body should be worshiped”.

(Hey! engage in some way if you enjoyed! Tell me what you thought! Comments show I'm doing good, or what I can improve on :3 Thanks for reading! -Mommabean )

[vexingwoman]

dylan mulvaney’s new song is so fucking disgusting and so are the misogynistic things she puts out on the internet. dm makes such mockery of girls and women and people just accept it because she’s trans and this is her “authentic experience”. ppl r so afraid to be real cuz you’ll get called transphobic. plus u have the ppl who have been brainwashed and are genuinely delusion. it’s sad

He needs to be publicly shamed out of relevancy, like he should have been from the very beginning when he filmed himself purposely tripping while running in heels and dramatically screaming at spiders. I can’t imagine anyone else getting away with such blatant mockery and stereotyping of a marginalized group, other than a man mocking and stereotyping women.

I have people on tiktok too intimidated to even acknowledge that he was socialized as male for virtually all of his life. It’s concerning, stepping out of this radfem community and seeing how much more delusional, intellectually dishonest, and lenient against misogyny the world gets everyday.

[killergee]

Omggg we need more of the kendo player! Hoshina x Archer! Reader 🛐🛐🛐 I beg of you 😭😭

AHHHH, IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT! ❤️💗💖🩷❣️

I feel like everything's been said and done, so I don't think I'm gonna continue the story. BUT here's a short little one-shot to feed your desires.

Kind of part 1

Synopsis: Hoshina tries to teach you kendo but things don't go as expected. Or actually, it goes exactly as expected.

‐---------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite the tournaments being over, you and Hoshina kept the unspoken promise of staying late after school to practice. Though, "practices" are now filled more with talking than the cracks of swords or the twang of bowstrings—but that's between the two of you. Somehow, the talking then turned into Hoshina making you try kendo.

You don't know if you agreed because you were bored or because Hoshina brainwashed you enough into thinking kendo was kind of cool. Or maybe it was because of the sparkle in his eyes and the nervousness in his voice when he earnestly asked you that you couldn't refuse...

No.

It was definitely the brainwashing.

So, for the last couple of days, Hoshina taught you the more fun aspects of Kendo. The swinging of the sword, how to parry, he spoke so excitedly when teaching you.

However, somewhere along the lines, he started to move closer to you. Wrapping his arms around yours to help you hold your sword, whispering instructions into your ears, holding your hips to stop them from moving too much. You didn't know if he was doing it on purpose or not. But he seemed oblivious to the way you would cup your ear or grip your sword harder when he turned away.

Before you acted like you'd rather die than ever learn kendo. So Hoshina was excited to see you actually put effort into his teachings. Blinded by your progress, he tries to put kendo armour on you.

"Now don't get too excited, I'm not putting all of that on." You say, drawing the line at putting on the gross and probably sweaty armour.

Hoshina raises his eyebrows in surprise. "Huh? I thought ya were startin' to like it?"

"I don't particularly like it or dislike it."

"Then why are ya putting up with the lessons then?"

"No reason at all." You respond too quickly, cheeks puffing out in embarassment feigned annoyance.

Seeing how you refuse to look into his eyes and how your body seems to be closing in on itself, hoshina eyes widen at the realization. A small smile grows on his face as he approaches you.

"Oh? Is there something else ya like about these lessons?" He asks as he comes to stand face to face with you. Before you can say anything, he moves to stand behind you, his hands on your hips as he towers over you from behind.

"Maybe you're putting up with the sport you oh so despise because ya like how I touch you." He drawls out, the lightness in his voice replaced with something much deeper and intimate.

He leans his head down over your shoulder, slowly bringing one of his hands up to tuck your hair behind your ear. Lips ghosting over the shell of your ear, you let out a shaky breath.

"Or is it because of this?" He whispers, and the puffs of air tickle your ear.

He holds back a chuckle as he feels you sway a little—becoming almost putty in his hands. Your hands that were holding the wooden sword in position are now lowered with the tip of the sword touching the ground. The strength and haughtiness you usually exude is no longer to be found.

"I should've known." He reaches forward, his hands slowly snaking down your arms, his front pressing against your back. Wrapping his arms you, every inch of your body felt like it was being encompassed by his. He was overloading all your senses.

The wake of his touches leaves goosebumps on your skin. The subtle smell of his cologne invades your lungs. You try with all your strength to keep your eyes open and forward as his entirety envelops you.

But the moment you falter and begin to lean in, he takes the sword out of your hands. "You'd never want to learn such an ungraceful sport." He chuckles slyly, walking away from you towards the sword stand.

Red from head to toe, you sputter "I-I don't mind," as your hands feel especially empty now.

"Now, now, don't worry y/n," he lilts. "We can still have fun without the swords." His eyes hold a dangerous but hypnotizing shine. "Why, the fun's just getting started."