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#i need to go back to therapy so bad❤️
beatrixstonehill2 · 4 months
Text
"Jesus, these things are going to fill my lap in another couple months. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy my college signed me up for this clinical trial, but I am starting to get a bit concerned with how massive and heavy my boobs are going to get. Like.... only a few months ago I was a C-Cup. They're already humongous..... The people at the trial make me strip in front of a bunch of pharmaceutical execs. They weigh my breasts, poke and prod them, squeeze them, crush them in vices, and sometimes they even inject huge syringes of saline right into them, one after another, making them even more swollen and huge, telling me these saline treatment are 'just part of the trial'. I think they just like filling my boobs with a gallon of saline each to see me struggle to keep my back straight.
I ask them how long the trial will go on, how many more months I need to take the breast growth pills. Like, they clearly work..... But they just tell me as long as possible to test the limits of the medicine. I try to get them to tell me how big my boobs will get and they avoid the question, telling me not to worry and enjoy them. I tell them my back hurts really bad now and they laugh. I say, 'It won't be so funny if my spine snaps and I wind up paralyzed!' The scientists and execs just shrug and tell me when my spine snaps they'll ensure I have every possible accommodation to complete my diploma. They never say 'if', they say 'when'.....
I try to tell them I don't want to wind up paralyzed, but they say it's not really a big deal and I'll be able to live a perfectly fulfilling life, that their research is what's important. I got frustrated one time and blurted out that I won't be able to feel my pussy or when guys fuck me. They told me it's a good thing, men can be as rough as they want and I won't even feel it. I guess they have a point, that's kind of nice. I said I'll miss cumming, and they told me my pussy will still cum. I might not feel it, but it'll react physically on its own and squirt if men fuck me hard enough and rub/smack my clit enough. I guess that's OK...... as long as men can still make me squirt. It'll suck not feeling it but it'll be kinda fun to watch men have their way with me.
I guess I'm really dedicated to this clinical trial after all. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't having fun growing such a giant pair of boobs. Soon they'll fill my lap and probably get way bigger. They'll weigh well over 100lbs each.... I'll need help to do just about anything regardless of whether or not my poor spine gives out. But I do agree..... I think it'd be more fun if it did, plus the people running the trial seem excited for it to happen. So, I don't wanna disappoint them. Hopefully my boobs get so humongous they totally surround me..... I wonder how much saline the team running the trial will pump into them for fun after that? A whole bathtub's worth? My boobs will be so fucking swollen and impossible to budge. All I'll be will be a poor, stationary girl who'll really only exist to serve cock; what else are such monstrous breasts useful for? And the rest of me will be a playground for men to use however they see fit. At least I don't need to be able to move to do therapy sessions online once I graduate and become a psychiatrist. Maybe I'll hold in person sessions anyway and judge my patients' mental state on how harshly they treat my gigantic breasts? With any luck it'll be a revolutionary new approach other girls decide to imitate. Wouldn't that be nice? ❤️"
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cubarsis · 1 month
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Baecation | p. cubarsí paredes
— Synopsis : Pau took his girlfriend with him for vacation, of course he can’t resist showing her off to the world!
— SMAU
— pure fluff
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liked by fcbarcelona, marcguiu9, hctorforrt_ and 367,569 more
tagged : yourusername
paucubarsi: escaped barna with the loml 😽
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user1 : Bro be living the dream since his mvp award
yourusername : real but as he should
user2 : Pau where do we find a girl like urs
paucubarsi : simply can’t find another woman like that, try going for your best mates sister for the thrill
user2 : 🫡🫡
fcbarcelona : Looks like Pau is enjoying some well-deserved downtime with his girlfriend! They look so happy together 💑
liked by paucubarsi
marcguiu9 : damn you went without us ??
paucubarsi : lo siento hermano 💔💔
paufan : hard to be sad when I see Pau and his gf posting on ig
ynfan : real I love them more than they love each other
user3 : free therapy I swear
yourusername : my man
paucubarsi : proud to be 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨
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likey by paucubarsi, lamineyamal and 2,074 others
tagged : paucubarsi
yourusername : impossible to separate him
view all comments
user9 : Okay, Pau and his girl make us straight-up all wish we were on vacay with them 🌴
liked by paucubarsi
lamineyamal : cuteness overload 🤭😻💞💞
paucubarsi : please just shut up 😭
lamineyamal : freak
paustan : Yasss! Even ballers need some downtime, and they’re slaying it!
liked by yourusername
yourbestfriend : adorbs!!!
yourusername : told ya he looks better irl than on those pictures back then
paucubarsi : 👎👎
iloveyn : yn and her man = ultimate couple crush
user3 : I want both it them so fucking bad
user 4 : ikr?? She gorgeous asf, he a cutie, what do we want else
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liked by hctorforrt_, ilovepau, pablogavi and 405,007 others
tagged : yourusername
paucubarsi : love it here, and even more with my woman 🤍
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yourusername : pauipookie stop, you’re making me actually gonna tear up from this 🙁
paucubarsi : I love you so much
yourusername : we’re in the same room, stop texting me and give me a kiss
liked my paucubarsi
paucubarsi : 🫡
pauandyn : the way he calls er 'his woman' 😭😭 he’s so boyfriend and husband
user7 : if they break up I ain’t gonna believe in love any longer istg
hctorforrt_ : sexy
paucubarsi : me or my girl ?
hctorforrt : both.
marcguiu1 : my son is growing up so fast, bagged a girl and already out the country with her 😪
liked by paucubarsi
user10 : this guy mad ugly she could do so much better 💀
yourusername : you better sleep with one eye open lil bro 😭🙏
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posted to story
paucubarsi
hope you liked those flowers, handpicked just for you 🩷
yourusername
Pau 🙁🙁🙁 stop making me melt in the grocery store
paucubarsi
Bare minimum for a pretty lady I call my girlfriend, if you ask me
When will you be back ??
yourusername
I’ll be back in 10, are you okay, baby ?
paucubarsi
mhmm, just missing you, hermosa :( I know we see each other all day but still
yourusername
nvm I’ll be back in 5.
liked by paucubarsi
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tagged : yourusername
paucubarsi : night out with my love, happy two years anniversary ❤️
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user1 : time flies seeing them so happy together 🤧
user2 : I wanna be them so bad
user1 : us ?
user2: say less 🤭
yndefender : the way he looks at her 🥹
liked by paucubarsi
lamineyamal : simp
paucubarsi : don’t tell me you wouldn’t be one if you had her ??
yourusername : Here’s to many more adventures and memories together, love you endlessly💕
paucubarsi : The things you do to me 😵‍💫
user56 : the way he flirts with her in his comment section, he’s so in love
user9 : Bro impossibly down bad for his girl, ain’t nobody can blame him tho
user8 : Lamine so right about him being a simp
hctorforrt_ : you gotta let me be the best man to your wedding
liked by paucubarsi
fcbarcelona : our favorite couple❤️💙
hectorth 24
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1-ker0sene-1 · 2 months
Note
God your blog is fucking SCRUMPTIOUS. If you’re willing could you do something with a reader who has POTS? Much love ❤️
{Thank you so much ♥️ Apologies this took so long! Requests are starting to come out again! I lost all my drafts due to my laptop breaking and had to rewrite 🥹}
Gaz
Honest to god. This man would probably be the absolute best partner for someone with POTS. Whether he was there for your diagnosis or you already had it when you started dating, he wants to help and accommodate the best he can. Kyle would hate for you to feel isolated, trying to match and normalize your routine so you're not alone.
Definitely got you both massive water bottles, the ones that have at the very least sixty ounces. So you can keep drinking and sipping all day and stay hydrated. If you don't feel comfortable going out to a physical therapist? Kyle is researching ALL night how to do gentle therapy at home with you.
Taking care of you is second nature to him. He's constantly thinking about you. When he leaves for deployment he has small meals already prepped in the fridge for you, cleaned the whole house.. leaves sweet notes all over the place reminding you to drink water, get some electrolytes, cool off and get plenty of rest.
"I'll be home soon baby ~K"
"Don't forget to drink your water! Love you pretty girl ~K"
"Rest for me lovie, we'll be doing plenty of 'exercise' when I get back ;) ~K"
Price
Prepared. That is what John is. He wants to be ready if you have a bad day, so he can pamper you as much as he physically can if he cannot immediately whisk away your pain. John definitely moves fast in a relationship, especially if he feels an immediate connection. You're telling him he can take care of you? Of course it's not that he likes that you struggle with the condition, but his love language is definitely acts of service.
" 's no trouble love, house feels empty when you aren't in it anyways. Might as well just stay full time."
You're moving in. He's installing a nice and sturdy shower bench, he's got snacks all around the house for you, he's mixing electrolyte powder in your water. John wants you to thrive more than anything, you're his girl, going to be his wife one day. He still wants you to feel and be independent, if you need he'll go with you to get a mobility aid so you can comfortably go out more.
He's set in his military ways so.. He's somewhat blunt with scheduling. Little reminders all day to drink your water with a kiss to your forehead. When you go out together, he's stashed some instant cold packs and little salt packets in your bag. John often lifts your hand to check your BPM tracker, once he's done he'll kiss your knuckles.
"Look at that darlin' .. Takin' care of yourself so well for me."
Soap
Johnny had quite the habit of being a bit lazy when home from deployment. But then you wandered into his life, he didn't know about your POTS at first. Just figured you also had a busy life and preferred nights in for dates. Then you got more serious in your relationship and opened up to him about your condition. It was an immediate flip of a switch, Johnny became your Johnny.
He wants you to be able to spend your energy doing the things you love, not the simple tasks, especially when he can take care of it. You practically gained a Scottish housewife. He'll shoo you softly away from the dishes, insisting you enjoy your hobbies or rest up so you two can have a nice day out. Laundry, cleaning, making the bed. Bathing you even though you're perfectly capable, definitely not to touch you and get a little handsy-
"I can take care of ye bonnie.. believe me tha more I do the more I fall for ye."
Would say the only somewhat struggle, is overheating at night. Cause you cannot tell me this man doesn't run hot like a heater. And he loves to love you, hold you, touch and feel you. But there's work arounds, a nice AC, and cooling blankets. Besides he sleeps like a rock so once he's out, if you get too hot you can give him a little push off you. Rarely he'll wake up and drawl out whines.
"..miss ye lass.. my arms are useless without ye in them.."
Ghost
Simon never thought of himself as a worrier. He's been through hell and back and not much phases him. But the first time he saw you faint nearly sent him to an early grave, threw whatever was in his hands to dart over to catch you. This was definitely before he really started to understand the seriousness of POTS. Now it's constantly on his mind, especially the moments in the day when he's not right there with you.
He doesn't want you to feel guilty about his panic, so he's pretty stoic and calm when face to face with you. Definitely goes in with you to every doctor's appointment now, asks questions, how he can help, what to do during your flare ups. You best believe he is taking everything your doctor suggests to heart. Buying you a BPM monitor, knowing Simon he'll probably figure a way to connect it to his phone. So even when he's not with you he knows a little about how you're doing. Statistically it's his most used app now. Once in a while you get a blunt-
"Go rest."
-text from Simon as soon as it gets too high for his liking.
Simon is very adamant that you take plenty of breaks throughout the day, if you're overexerting yourself he's right there with you. An arm winding around you, kissing the nape of your neck after gently brushing your hair aside.
"How you feelin' doll? Let's get you some water and we'll take a break for a while yeah? Put on that show you like and I'll take care of this.."
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missmielyhoran · 11 months
Text
You're losing me
inspired by a heartbreaking song by my mother, Taylor Swift
Face claim- Maddison Beer
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Liked by Harryfan1, Y/Nfan3, Harryfan4 and 1,982,334 others
DailyMail 'As it was' singer, Harry Styles and Popstar Y/N Y/L/N broke up after 5 years of dating
View all comments.
Harryfan1 I refuse to believe this
Y/Nfan2 it's a ✨️no✨️ from me
Y/Nfan3 Nope they're getting married next month
Harryfan2 someone tell me this is a prank or fake news or something
Y/Nfan1 I don't believe shit until Y/N says something
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Liked by Harryfan2, Y/Nfan1, Y/Nfan3 and 1,236,113 others
DailyMail Photo surfaces of Harry and Y/N having argument yesterday in front of a restaurant
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Harryfan1 First off all fuck paps and fuck them for not giving them privacy
Y/Nfan2 What- look at her face omg
Harryfan3 Love Harry to death but wtf did that man do
Harryfan2 No they're my parents :(
Y/Nfan1 I'm crying like a child in divorce
A month later-
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Liked by Y/Nfan1, sabrinacarpenter, Harryfan1 and 6,880,921 others
Yourinstagram I wouldn't marry me either a pathological people pleaser
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Y/Nfan2 NEW MUSIC???
Harryfan1 God damn she's going all in
sabrinacarpenter None of you are rady for what she's cooking
Y/Nfan1 don't scare us!
Y/Nfan3 she's going to break all of our hearts
Y/Nfan1 Fuck Harry! His loss!
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Liked by Harryfan3, Harryfan2, Y/Nfan2 and 986,543 others
DailyMail Video of Harry Styles making out with model emily ratajkowski is going viral
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Harryfan2 I know a pr when I see one
Y/Nfan2 WTF?!
Y/Nfan1 He got out of a 5 year relationship and is making out with some model a month later?
Harryfan2 He's allowed to move on, he doesn't need your approval smh
Harryfan1 I don't know how to feel
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Liked by sabrinacarpenter, Y/Nfan1, Harryfan2 and 4,237,890 others
Yourinstagram My heart won't start anymore for you
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Y/Nfan1 Girl stop teasing us
Y/Nfan3 I'm so excited to drag Harry
Harryfan1 I won't survive this I just know
Y/Nfan2 If anyone says something bad they will catch these hands just know
Harryfan3 She's going to milk this for her benefit
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Liked by tchalamet, Y/Nfan1, Harryfan1 and 7,908,672 others
Yourinstagram You're losing me out now
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sabrinacarpenter Bestie this is too sad...i love it
Yourinstagram Thanks babe❤️
Harryfan1 I'm definitely not crying in Taco Bell's parking lot
Y/Nfan2 I'm unwell
Y/Nfan3 If this is the first song, she's going to have to pay my therapy bill when album comes out
Harryfan3 Mid
Y/Nfan1 Onw to Harry's, I just want to talk
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Liked by sabrinacarpenter, Y/Nfan2, Harryfan1 and 4,890,765 others
Yourinstagram You're losing me mv on midnight?
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Y/Nfan1 she looks like an angel
Harryfan2 OMG YESS
sabrinacarpenter Yes yes and yes
tchalamet Yes queen serve us
tchalamet you look absolutely breathtaking btw❤️
Y/Nfan3 Timmy what are you doing here
Yourinstagram Thanks Timmy
Y/Nfan1 Timmy and Y/N back? Yes absolutely!
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Liked by Harryfan2, Y/Nfan3, Y/Nfan1 and 324,567 others
Y/Nupdates Y/N spotted hanging out with her ex Timothee
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Y/Nfan2 OMG
Y/Nfan1 I love them smm
Harryfan1 idc if they're friends or dating I love them together
Harryfan3 Now no one is saying she just got out of relationship why is she making out smh the double standards
Y/Nfan1 First it's been a long time and second she's not eating his face in front of everyone when the breakup is still fresh
Y/Nfan3 the comments are not it🙃
*****
Part 2
Taglist- @tenaciousperfectionunknown @that-daydream-look @harryspirate @tiaamberxx @lomlhstyles @vmpellie @sunshinemoonsposts @jayde515
Please Like,Comment and Reblog!
You can talk to me and tell me how you felt about this here♡ requests are closed sorry
I love you, drink some water
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silvershiningtarot · 1 year
Text
🌸Pac 18+ What’s the meaning of this connection Between You & Your FS (Short)
🔋Take a deep breath, and remember this is a general reading. I hope this reading gives you clarity. Enjoy it.🌸🌸❤️💋All love and positive vibes surrounding you guys, and this general reading as well. 🌸🌸😋❤️💋
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Pile 1: Oh, the meaning of this connection between you and your FS. It's a major sacred support. It seems like some of you will have a false twin, they are an imposter. Energetic vampires, chaotic, drama, and a shadow portal. I think that some of you might stay away from this person. I don't sense that bad from them though. They'll say that you get them and vice-versa. Like I said I don't sense bad from this false twin maybe they aren't meant to be a romantic relationship between you and them. That's what I'm feeling. It seems like this connection means that you guys will be best pals, and have such good chemistry together. Long talks, vibing, and needing each other. You two will have such mutual respect. A few of you will be the best of friends. That's why I'm getting friendship vibes. For some of you yes this is a false twin because it wasn't supposed to be a romantic relationship. Don't be disappointed about it. Because you'll have such a good friendship with them. Us vs Us. You two will have inside drama, so they'll get on your nerves. A lot of triggers will happen with them. You'll bring out the good and bad. Space is necessary. They'll think that you're so stunning to them. They'll be starstruck. So the meaning of this connection is divinely guided it is protected by y'all spirit guides. Y'all have an unbreakable connection. To be real I like this connection between you and them. Maybe you or they might beatbox or Chop. They might go to therapy for their disorder. Again I told you they will annoy the shit out of you and vice-versa. But the meaning of this connection is very powerful to me.
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Pile 2: Off the back, you two are Starcross lovers. Do you know what movie I’m seeing Titanic? Titanic! I love that movie like some of you are like Rose and your husband is like Jack. The ones who hold themselves back. That's so funny that what card came out. So it seems like you'll be the one who runs away from this beautiful connection. Because you think that this connection between you and them could be true. You'll think it's not real or feel like you are delusional. But you aren't. Even spirits say “This Is Real”. So believe it! Are you going to trust it? Anyways this means that you and your FS are a soul and star family. It meant to come down here in the 3D. Activation!!! This means that they'll respect the shit out of you. Admiration, worship, and loves you, and be your biggest fan and supporter. This is amazing. See! You will have your inside drama between you and him. I feel it is a very intense fight you two will have. But it won't get toxic to where breaking up. Again space is necessary. This means that this connection between you and them will turn into an engagement 💍. So you'll marry them. I believe after your walls are down. Oh so here's the issue ex will try to come between you and them. But I don't feel it for long though. Come on! Your FS worships the fuck out of you. You are their Zing. This reminds me of the movie Hotel Transylvania. When Johnny and Mavis Zing for the first time. It seems like this type of connection. See! I was right about those intense fights. When you and your FS argue that shit will cause a lot of fire 🔥. Again I don't feel toxic but I do feel like you two especially have to watch your mouth 👄.
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Pile 3: The meaning of this connection between you and your FS is that you'll be addicted to that dick! Ayo!!! Haha 💰😂you’ll be very addicted to that dick. Eat it up. Some of you will be submissive to them, and possessive. Woah this is an interesting pile. So they're your mentor. Your spouse is your mentor they are meant to help you. Ahhh!! I'm screaming 🙀🎱. This connection between you and them is meant to be manifest. It is happening now. It is like a blessing from the sky. You two will cross the finish line and success, and fulfillment. Oh, this is good. They already sending you messages in dreams, giving you signs, and online. Don't ignore the signs. A lot of grief will happen. So much transformation for the two of you. Sadness, pain, depression, and loss. I think your FS will be there for you. Yes, you two will fucking fight but help each other with it. This is your last life with them. Separate souls are only meant to be in the 5D. So they were meant to be your spirit guide just to watch over you. That's why they are your mentor. Hmm, it seems like a lot of mistrust maybe you are scared about this engagement 💍. Multiple attraction!! Oh, you'll have a lot of men and women on you heavily. A lot of old feelings will come up. I don't know what that feeling is but I heard it is worth it. Some of you will marry your Mentor or you'll be engaged to them.
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Pile 3: Oh snap, In the beginning, it was like lust I don't care to use that word. So I would say a fling. I swear it is passion between you and your FS. I can that you guys having a lot of sex. This reminds me of the movie Sugar and Spice if you guys ever watch that movie. With Diane and Jack Bartlett. That's exactly how I see it. It won't be serious in the beginning, because again it is like a fling. But you are manifest it comes into fruition. It is happening now. This might be the last life with them. Awe 😭I’m sorry but again don’t be disappointed because it will be worth it. See! Flirting, teasing, and passion. Goddamnnn!!! A lot of sex. I'm not surprised they have a breeding kink. They'll throw your ass against the wall and start kissing you hard. Biting lips 💋🕯. I do sense a romantic side they would want to show you but it seems like they are a little scared. They'll be your 1st. First kiss, relationship, and your first time. You'll be giving your precious fruit to them✨. Haha 😂didn’t I say this? Passionate kisses, intense sex energy, and partying together. Oh my goodness, you two will be partying hard together. They'll be fighting for your attention like crazy!!! I mean fighting to it. I can see that. That's incredible. The meaning of this connection between you and your FS is very important. In the beginning, it starts as your little crush fling, and then a relationship, and now as fiancè. Do you see the pattern? This is the meaning of y'all connection together.
Reblog, and Comment on what you think of this reading. Check out my profile page!! Enjoy this reading. I hope it gives you clarity and remember it's a general reading. 💋💋✨❤️❤️🌸.
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steddieas-shegoes · 1 year
Note
For the requests: traumatized steve & eddie going to a wolf sanctuary and eddie watching steve basically live with the wolves in their area. And the one wolf,the one that hated everyone, the one who meaner and didn't get along with anyone to its cruel abusive situation (perhaps it was raised from puppyhood and onwards by people who used it in dogfighting, before it was rescued, that wolf, goes right up to Steve and sits by him. Giving him comfort. When Steve has bad nightmares he goes to that wolf's pen and they sleep cuddled together bc that wolf also has nightmares. (It can also be a wolfdog)
AS ALWAYS YOU COME THROUGH WITH SOMETHING FUN AND CREATIVE AND AS ALWAYS I MAKE IT EMOTIONAL AS SHIT!!! I was feelin' some type of way yesterday and started on this at peak emotional upheaval, which is really something I don't recommend. As many things tend to do, this got away from me and I think I could've still let it keep going, but I had to cut it off. Hope you love it!!! - Mickala ❤️
-----------------------------------------------
It was Robin’s idea.
She knew therapy wasn’t working. She knew firsthand that the nightmares, especially Steve’s, were impossible to handle some nights.
She stayed with him enough after the Russians to know he was averaging four hours of restless sleep on a good night.
And now that he’d seen the horrors of the Upside Down, and Eddie almost dying, and Max almost dying, and the guilt of just existing, they were worse.
Eddie had them, but he was usually able to calm down relatively quickly, usually even fall back into a dreamless sleep after.
His problem was just seeing the bats everywhere, even when he was awake. A large bird would fly by and he was ducking for cover like a bomb would be dropped on him. He’d hear screeching, sometimes even just kids yelling at the park, and he’d have a panic attack.
Drastically different problems, but Robin said this could help with both of them.
So Steve and Eddie stood outside the wolf sanctuary, staring at the front office entrance where they were told to check in.
They glanced at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.
It’s not that they were scared. They’d been told about the process on the phone in great detail, the sanctuary director answering all of their questions in a friendly tone.
She’d said that the wolf sanctuary had been used as a form of therapy for people for years now, though many psychiatrists didn’t consider it an appropriate treatment.
Considering Steve and Eddie had been seeing a professional psychiatrist for months now with no progress and serious weight loss and migraines from their prescriptions, they were willing to give this a fair shot.
But their fear that it wouldn’t work kept circling through their minds.
If this didn’t work, they weren’t sure what else they could possibly try.
That was terrifying.
They were supposed to stay for a month, with the option of extending the stay if they felt they needed it.
It was expensive.
But this was on the US government, and Eddie was always quick to spend their money for his benefit.
Steve was just along for the ride.
They walked in together, both nervously looking around at the chairs and desks, bookshelves, pictures of wolves and mountains on the walls, and one small, gray-haired woman at the front desk.
“Oh, aren’t you two precious! Which one’s Steve and which one’s Eddie?”
“I’m Steve,” Eddie smirked as he held out his hand.
Steve smacked his arm.
“He’s Eddie, and he’s probably gonna be this way the whole time. Sorry in advance,” Steve told the woman.
“This is wonderful! You’ll be fun to have around. I’m Fran, I run the front office. I spoke to you the other day on the phone a bit about the check in. Are you boys ready?”
They both nodded.
She clapped her hands together in excitement.
Steve could tell Eddie loved her. She was full of theatrics like he was, every word punctuated by an exaggerated movement.
“First, the boring part. We did some of the first part over the phone, but these packets need to be filled out completely and given back to me. You can have a seat anywhere to do those. When that’s done, I’ll show you where to bring your bags so you can unpack and get comfortable. We can do a tour before dinner.”
She placed the packets on the desk in front of her, then took two pens out of a mug and placed them down too.
“If you have any questions, let me know. You two are just the cutest!”
She walked through a small doorway a few feet behind her desk and they grabbed the packets to start filling them out.
The first page was basic personal information, which had been filled out already. The second page was emergency contact information and how they were referred. But the third page is where it got difficult.
It has questions like “What is your worst memory?” and “Who is the person you would most expect to protect you in a life or death situation? Why?”
And while Eddie and Steve could probably answer those easily from terrible experiences, there was a lot they weren’t allowed to say.
So they just stuck with the official government stories for any and all Upside Down related parts, which was most of them.
Fran bustled back in, two steaming mugs in her hands. She set them on her desk carefully and then walked over to where Eddie was sitting.
“How’s it going?”
“Good. Almost done,” he smiled up at her.
“And you, dear?” She asked Steve.
“Good. I’m sorry I write kind of slow.”
Steve’s face was red, like he was embarrassed. Eddie watched as he focused on the paper in front of him, his hand moving slowly across the paper.
Steve’s concussions had a lot of lasting effects; migraines and one ear that was barely working, the occasional speech delay, and an inconvenient struggle with writing, especially if it was answering questions about himself like this.
Eddie distracted Fran as he wrote his last answer, talking to her about her favorite part of the sanctuary and how long she’s been working here.
He handed the packet to her when he was done, glancing over at Steve to see he was just starting on the last page.
“Hey, Fran, would it be okay if you helped me get our bags from the car while Steve finishes up?”
Steve sent him a grateful smile as he continued answering the questions on the paper.
As he walked with Fran to the car, she touched his arm.
“He’s got a lot going on, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah. He’s been dealing with this a lot longer than I have,” Eddie smiled sadly at her, touching her hand to accept the comfort she was giving and give some in return. “I hope this works for both of us, but I’d be happy as long as it works for him.”
“You care a lot about him.”
It wasn’t a question, and her tone wasn’t judging, but Eddie could just tell. He should panic, he should tell her it wasn’t like that. And it wasn’t for Steve.
But he’d been hiding it for so long, and somehow successfully, he couldn’t lie to her.
“I love him. He doesn’t know how much. I did this for him, mostly. I mean I want it to help me too, but I know he wouldn’t have tried this if I didn’t come and he,” Eddie sighed. “He needs this. He can’t keep going like he has been.”
Fran pulled him into a hug and he did all he could not to start crying.
“He’s lucky to have you on his side no matter what, darling. And I’d bet anything he thinks the same of you,” she said softly.
“I don’t think it’s quite the same. He loves me like a friend, but he’s not…not like me.”
Gay. He wasn’t gay. Or even a little into men. Eddie was sure of that.
Fran pulled away and just smiled at him.
“Okay, then. Let’s get these bags inside.”
They managed to bring everything in in one trip, and by the time they made it back inside, Steve was done with his packet.
“Alright!” Fran clapped her hands together in excitement. “To your room!”
Eddie’s eyes widened.
“Room? Like, just one?”
“Yep! The other room we have for long-term residents is already taken for the next few weeks. Will that be okay?”
She was smiling innocently at Eddie, who knew she knew why he was suddenly panicking.
“That’s fine. We end up sharing a room all the time, right, Eds?” Steve asked as he grabbed his own bags from the floor.
“Uh. Yep. Totally fine.”
“Great!”
She led them out the back of the front office, down the sidewalk that led to a row of small buildings.
“This first building is storage. The next one is the short-term stays, usually people who donate frequently to keep us running, staying for a night or two to see where their money goes. This next building is for long-term stays. That’s you two. It’s split into a duplex, so you’ll have basically a studio apartment in there. Kitchen, bathroom, living area with a sectioned off area as the bedroom. You each will have a key, but keep in mind that the director also has a key for emergencies. The janitorial staff only goes if requested, so let me know if you feel it needs a sprucing up or you need new sheets or anything. Fridge is stocked and gets restocked every two weeks.” She paused as they made it to the steps to the building. “Oh! We don’t technically have a curfew for the guests. You’re adults and we trust you on your journey here. But we do ask that you try to be back no later than 11, as we often shut off many of the trail lights by midnight to ensure the animals have the closest replica of the wild as possible.”
Steve and Eddie nodded, eyes wide at all the information being thrown at them so quickly.
“Your room has a phone of course. You’re free to use as often as you’d like. Pressing 1 gets you in touch with the front office, 2 is for security, 3 is for the director’s office. I recommend calling the front office unless it’s an emergency so we can get in touch with the right people for you. After your tour, you’ll have free reign over the entire sanctuary except for anywhere marked employees and volunteers only. That’s for your safety, of course. We encourage you to be a part of some of the educational tours and seminars that we offer to the general public as well as enjoy time on your own with the wolves. Volunteers are here every day from 9 to 5, and the employees who help care for the wolves stay until 11. We have security here 24/7, but the director usually has a couple people on staff remain after regular hours in case of an animal emergency.”
This felt a little overwhelming, but he could already tell Steve was more relaxed here than he’d been anywhere else since he met him.
“I work when they need me, but my home number is by the phone in there for you just in case you need a chat. I retired a couple years ago so I spend a lot of my time at home with my dog. You’re never a bother, okay?”
They both nodded.
She hugged them both, handed them their keys, and started to walk away.
“Your tour will be in about an hour. James is running it today. You’ll love him!”
She was gone before they could even respond, so they looked back to each other and shrugged before heading inside.
The main door was unlocked, but the door inside marked with a “2” was locked. Steve unlocked it and pushed the door open.
The apartment was nice, but small, smaller than either of them had expected.
“Guess we’ll be getting pretty close for the next month, huh?” Steve joked.
Eddie’s heart was in his throat.
He could see the “bedroom” from where he stood. It was one queen sized bed. One.
“Um. Yep. Guess so. I can take the couch,” Eddie rushed out.
Steve clearly hadn’t seen the sleeping arrangement yet or he would have probably offered. He’s a self-sacrificing idiot, so Eddie had to rush to offer before he could.
“What? Why?”
Eddie gestured towards the bed.
“There’s plenty of room for both of us, dude. A month on the couch isn’t exactly gonna help with the nightmares.”
“It looks pretty cozy.”
Steve just stared at him, brows raised like Eddie was an idiot.
He was an idiot, but he didn’t need Steve thinking it.
“Eddie. Seriously. We can share a bed.”
Steve wouldn’t let him win, it’s just not who Steve was.
“Okay, okay! Let’s just unpack so we can go see some wolves or whatever.”
They unpacked in silence, Steve taking the spot closest to the door without Eddie having a choice.
Self-sacrificing idiot.
—--------------
James knocked on their door at exactly 4:00, like he’d been standing there waiting for the clock to change over from 3:59.
“Hello! I’m James. You’re Steve and Eddie?”
They all shook hands and James started explaining things quickly.
James was only a bit older than them, wearing a volunteer shirt that had seen better days, and had the energy of Dustin.
“So! I’m gonna show you the lay of the land, you can ask me questions, I can try to answer them, and then I can drop you off back here so you can eat. The first night can be a bit of an adjustment, so feel free to give me a call if you have trouble. My number is under Fran’s,” James spoke rapid-fire, but not so fast they couldn’t keep up. They were used to that, anyway.
“So to start, everything you guys really need is along this main trail.” He pointed the way they came earlier and then the other direction. “That way leads to our nutrition area for the wolves, which you are welcome to visit anytime during the day to help or feed some of the rehabilitated wolves in the building nextdoor which is the hospital. The hospital is only open to the guests staying here and employees from 12-5, just because much of the mornings are spent performing surgeries or checkups. You’re encouraged to spend time with any of the wolves there in recovery as it helps their spirits much like a person. But if you take the left at the fork in this trail, you’ll be led to other trails. The first one is the wolf enclosures, which I’m taking you to now.” He kept walking as he spoke, moving his hands constantly, big smile keeping Eddie and Steve enthralled.
“We have one specifically for the ones we’ve rescued who are still healing from injuries, and that one is off limits to everyone between dusk and dawn. Many of these wolves are relearning how to be wild and part of that is using the night to hunt. Being in their cage during those times could be dangerous. They wouldn’t necessarily eat you,” he paused to laugh. “But they may take a bite. Now! The second enclosure is where we keep Herald. You can laugh at his name.” Eddie let out a small laugh.
“Herald had a rough upbringing. He was rescued about six months ago from a traveling circus that had abused him for at least a few years. We think he’s about 5 years old, but can’t be 100% certain. He’s hesitant around all people, even the director. He can be very unpredictable, so only the director, vet, and head nutritionist are allowed in there. You’re welcome to visit from the outside anytime you’d like though! He’s shy, but it can’t hurt having people talk to him.”
James was walking pretty quickly, and if Steve wasn’t so in shape, he’d be struggling. He looked over at Eddie. Eddie was struggling a little, but didn’t want to stop or slow down.
“And the last enclosure is for the rest of the wolves. These are ones that may be reintroduced to the wild soon or who may have been rescued without injuries, but just aren’t ready to go yet. This enclosure has a few areas for public access. The first being the feeding area, the second being the petting area. The petting area is only able to be accessed when employees or volunteers are present. The third area is only for guests staying long term such as yourselves.”
James walked them through a gate off to the side of the enclosure.
“This area is my favorite in the whole sanctuary. It’s their den area. It’s not recommended to come alone, and you should always go to the petting area to meet them first, but this area is nice for anyone who wants to feel like a part of the pack.”
“We can go in there?”
“Again, it’s definitely recommended to meet the wolves in the petting area first, maybe feed them a few times to show them you’re a friend, but yes.”
“Huh.”
Eddie watched Steve’s reaction.
This was much more involved than they expected to be.
“So that’s the enclosures! The next part of this trail leads to a walking and biking trail that is a great way to see some nature without having to leave the area. It’s snake season, though, so make sure you know your snake safety beforehand and bring the provided whistle with you in case of an emergency. Volunteers and employees are always within hearing distance during normal hours and can usually respond within 3-4 minutes.”
“Could we go back to Herald?”
Eddie’s head snapped to Steve, who was looking at James with a kind smile.
“Oh. Well, sure. The only other thing I needed to show you was the trail leading to the lake, but we can go back after.”
So James backtracked, Steve and Eddie close on his heels.
They got to the enclosure with Herald, but didn’t see him.
“He likes to hide. Especially if it isn’t close to meal time, he doesn’t usually come close to the fence. His den is hidden away.”
Steve kept walking up to the fence as James spoke, Eddie watching and trying to figure out what was going on.
“Herald? You there?” Steve called gently into the fence. Wolves had excellent hearing, and he’d probably already heard them approach. “You can come say hi if you want to.”
Eddie stood next to Steve, looking out at the area in the enclosure. There was a good mix of forest and empty area, with plenty of things that were probably used as toys scattered around. He watched for any sign of movement, listened for any trotting over.
Nothing.
Steve looked incredibly disappointed, but James walked closer and gave them both a smile.
“Like I said, Herald isn’t very social and it’s nothing personal. He doesn’t even seem to like the director and all the wolves love her.”
But Eddie knew Steve. He knew that he wasn’t gonna let that shit go.
“Alright! Shall we head to the trail by the lake?”
Eddie watched as Steve sighed, but nodded.
—--------------
Steve cooked them dinner that evening, said it helped him relax and that he would feel more at home if he got into a routine.
Eddie wouldn’t complain; He loved Steve’s cooking.
He made a basic spaghetti dish, even toasted some bread and sprinkled some garlic powder on it to make garlic bread.
They sat at the small table by the front door and ate in silence.
“It’s really quiet here.”
Eddie looked up to see Steve staring down at his plate, biting his lip nervously.
“It’s kind of nice though. Peaceful.”
“Yeah.”
Eddie knew what he was worried about.
He was worried the silence would make him have more nightmares instead of less, that he’d be left with nothing to help him if this failed.
“Hey,” Eddie reached over and patted Steve’s hand that rested on the table. “I’m here, alright? You won’t be alone.”
“Yeah,” Steve agreed, only slightly relaxing back into his seat.
—--------------
The next day was relaxed.
They walked along the main trail after breakfast, happy to see Fran again and meet some new people.
They stopped at Herald’s enclosure, but still didn’t see or hear him.
Steve was disappointed, but it was hidden away when they were able to feed and pet some of the other wolves before lunch.
The wolves were all beautiful, clearly well taken care of, and even the ones still in recovery were cleaned, well-fed, and cared for by the team.
Eddie quickly had a favorite: Mabel. She was an “old woman” as the employee at the feeding area said. She was 12 years old, had been brought in from the side of the road after being hit. She had had a broken leg and many broken ribs, along with cuts that needed stitches. Not the worst they’d seen, but due to her being nearly 11 at the time, they didn’t expect her to pull through. She did though, and had quickly become known as the leader of the group. All the wolves respected her, it was clear even to Eddie and Steve. She was the first to the feeding area, the first to the petting area, and would often stand guard over the others as they went into the shared spaces.
She was light brown with gray speckled throughout, her scars visible, but mostly covered with hair.
Steve loved Mabel, too, but he still had his heart set on Herald.
Eddie wasn’t stupid. He knew why Steve was so fixated on him.
Someone who was abused and hidden away and expected to perform every day for crowds of people? Yeah, Steve and Herald had quite a bit in common.
He just didn’t want him to get his hopes up for nothing.
After lunch, they decided to walk over to the nutrition center, maybe learn something new.
It was educational, and fun, and Eddie said multiple times how much he wished actual school had been like this.
The nutritionists let them help set up all the wolves’ dinners, showing them portion sizes for each of the wolves, telling them what the wolves’ favorites were. How they celebrated birthdays for them.
It was fun. Steve even cracked some smiles throughout.
—--------------
That night was rough.
Steve had fallen asleep quickly, much to Eddie’s delight, but it didn’t last long.
Eddie was woken up not long after he fell asleep by whimpering. He glanced at the alarm clock by the bed. 10:38. Barely an hour.
He knew from experience that waking Steve up would just make things worse for him, so he gently set his hand on Steve’s side, the best support he could give right now.
It physically pained Eddie to watch Steve’s face tighten in fear and sadness, whatever his nightmare was this time painting a horrifying picture he couldn’t escape.
Steve had mentioned once that his worst nightmares weren’t even about reliving anything that happened. They weren’t anyone dying, though he had those too. They weren’t even him dying.
They were everyone turning on him, finally seeing he wasn’t worth their time or effort, leaving him alone in that big empty house just like his parents did. He said the worst part was when Robin and Eddie left in the nightmare. When they looked at him with disgust and said he wasn’t good enough for the kids, and he damn sure wasn’t good enough for them.
No matter how many times they told him that would never be true, he still had them.
Ten minutes went by, agonizingly slowly, tears falling down Steve’s face. Eddie was whispering words of comfort, hoping that somehow Steve could hear him, but knowing he probably couldn’t.
But finally, Steve’s eyes opened, the whimpering stopped, and he was no longer hearing and seeing what hurt him the most.
He sat up and wiped his eyes, but the tears kept coming and his breathing was still labored.
Eddie sat up with him, hand on his arm, thumb rubbing back and forth to keep him present.
“I think I need to walk it off,” Steve said, voice wet with tears still to come.
“Okay. Do you want me to come with you?”
Steve shook his head.
“No, go back to sleep. I’ll only be out for a few minutes.”
And as much as Eddie knew that was a lie, and knew he should probably go with Steve, he had to trust him.
He’d be safe. He had to be.
—--------------
Steve walked aimlessly up and down the main trail for 10 minutes, trying to breathe in the fresh air, focus on his surroundings.
It wasn’t working as well as he’d hoped, but it was better than staying in bed and letting Eddie see him like this.
Eddie was too kind, always. He was bright, like the sun and the stars and the moon on a clear night. He was everything. And if Steve let himself be too vulnerable, too much, Eddie would take that light.
He lost track of where he was going, his breaths coming in sharper pants now as he let more tears fall.
A noise made him freeze.
Leaves rustling.
He looked up to see Herald’s enclosure in front of him. And…
Herald.
Herald was huge, much bigger than any of the other wolves they’d seen so far. He was beautiful. Scars along his legs showing that he had been abused awfully before coming here, but the rest of him glowed with health. He was standing about eight feet from the fence, trying to hide some of his body still behind the bushes along the forest line.
Steve slowly made his way to the fence, his hands up to show he wasn’t going to cause any harm.
Herald didn’t come closer, but he didn’t back or run away either.
Steve counted that as a win.
He instantly slumped to the ground at the fence, his hands and head resting against the chain links like they were the only thing keeping him upright. Maybe they were.
Steve closed his eyes.
He was so focused on staying calm, he couldn’t hear Herald approach. But he suddenly felt a cold, wet nose against his head.
He didn’t panic, he didn’t want to scare Herald, but he realized suddenly that his fingers were very much easily accessed by sharp teeth.
He let Herald sniff him, then slowly looked up.
Herald was tilting his head at him, almost as if he was asking if he was okay.
That made Steve sob.
Herald jumped slightly, but then moved so he was completely against the fence, laying down so his warm body could be against Steve’s.
Steve slowly let his hands fall, reaching through the fence slowly to let them rest in Herald’s fur.
He felt the wolf sigh, and he couldn’t help but laugh.
“Yeah, I get it. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone care, huh? You’re so soft,” Steve whispered, knowing Herald was still not completely relaxed around him.
“You tired?”
Steve felt a little silly for asking a wolf a question, but he felt even sillier when he realized Herald had just moved his head up and down. It was probably a coincidence, but the timing was crazy.
“Me too. We should get some sleep.”
Herald huffed and rolled his head back against the fence.
“Want me to stay?”
Herald huffed again.
“Okay.”
So Steve stayed.
He sat down on the ground, back against the fence, and listened to the crickets and the steady breaths of Herald.
He was woken up by Eddie shaking him and a growl coming from behind him.
“Steve! Jesus, I thought you’d got lost or died or something.”
“How long have I been out here?”
“It’s nearly two in the morning!”
Herald was growling behind him, protectively pacing behind Steve like he would find a way to get through the fence if Eddie tried to hurt him.
“Hey, Herald, it’s okay. This is Eddie. He’s here with me. He’s my friend,” Steve said calmly, holding his hand through the fence so Herald could sniff him and see he was okay.
“Steve! Get your hand out of there. He isn’t friendly, remember?”
“Oh, please. He just slept by me for hours and let me hold his fur like he was a stuffed animal. He’s plenty friendly.”
Eddie just stared, jaw slack, as he realized Steve was right.
Herald was licking Steve’s hand, leaving his scent on him like he was trying to provide as much protection as possible.
“You made friends with the only wolf here who hates people. Unbelievable.”
“Hey, be nice. He just needs some love is all.”
Eddie nodded. Yeah, him and another person with a name that started with S and rhymed with sleeve.
Eddie’s heart had been racing for the last 15 minutes since he woke up and realized Steve wasn’t in bed next to him or anywhere in the apartment.
He finally took a deep breath, balling his shaking hands into fists and stuffing them into the pocket of his hoodie.
“We should head back inside, Stevie.”
Steve seemed to notice Eddie wasn’t doing so great.
“I’m alright, Eds. Hey, look at me.” Eddie looked at Steve’s face, the way he seemed more relaxed than when he first left after his nightmare. “I’m okay. I must have fallen asleep.”
Eddie took a deep breath, resting his head against Steve’s shoulder as he let it out.
“I thought you were gone.”
“Nah, you can’t get rid of me now.”
“No?”
“Nope. Herald and I are just good friends, but you’re still-” Steve cut himself off, but Eddie wasn’t going to let that pass.
“What?”
“Nothing. Not important.”
“Yeah it is. Tell me.”
Steve seemed nervous, and Herald must have sensed it because he let out a low growl.
“It’s just that you mean a lot to me. Kind of everything, actually.”
Eddie couldn’t breathe.
What did that even mean?
Steve’s hand was suddenly in his hair, playing with the ends the way Eddie did when he was nervous.
“You’re just. I mean, how could you not mean the world to me? You dropped everything to come here with me because you knew I wouldn’t do it alone, Eds. You bring me candy at work even though I literally have access to all the candy I want at the counter. You let me find reasons not to watch the scary movies on movie nights when Dustin picks because you know I can’t handle them. You swim in the pool with me alone so no one knows how much I still hate it. I…you’re just…”
Eddie didn’t let him stutter any more, knowing what he was saying without actually saying it.
He knew what Steve was afraid of, and he wasn’t going to let him be scared anymore.
“Steve. I love you. That’s why I do all that. I love you. I’m in love with you. You deserve more than what I can give, but I can keep giving you all of the love I have, and hopefully that will be enough.”
Steve’s lips were on his before he finished speaking, teeth clacking together at the force of it.
Herald huffed, but they didn’t stop. Eddie didn’t know how he was supposed to now that he had Steve’s lips on his.
He never wanted them gone.
His hands reached up to Steve’s neck, cradling his jaw between them as if he was holding something precious. He was.
“I love you so much,” Steve said against his lips, melting against Eddie.
“I love you, Stevie,” Eddie said back. He planted another soft kiss to his lips before resting their foreheads together. “Let’s go back to bed, okay? We can come see Herald after breakfast.”
Steve nodded and turned to Herald.
“I’ll be back. Don’t hide from me, okay?”
He reached in to give Herald’s head a scratch, and Eddie shook his head in disbelief.
It took less than 48 hours for Steve to have the one wolf in this sanctuary who didn’t like people completely wrapped around his finger.
But Eddie could relate.
Steve’s charm was damn near impossible to resist and now he didn’t have to try.
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enrosadiraanisaaa · 7 months
Text
Within Session .Part Five.
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Happy October my cuties! I'm glad to finally post another part of Within Session! This fanfic consist of Yandere!Leon Kennedy. I intend for this fic to progressively become disturbing and fucked up with each chapter. While the first few chapters will be tamed, expect the following in this series:
~Stalking, Kidnapping, Forced Breeding, Degradation, NonCon, Gang Banging, Forced Pregnancy, Somnophilia, Blackmail, Manipulation, Abuse, Pet Names, Obsessive Behavior (Duh), Torture, Constraints, Mentions of Blood & Gore, Mental Degradation, Toxic Relationship, Sexual Abuse, Masturbation, Drugged & Drunk Sex, Loss of Virginity, Forced Penetration…
Also you will be retconned (Too bad 😏): Female Reader, 24 Years old and from Texas 💝 (yeehaw)
This story was purely written with RE 4 (Remake) Leon in mind. So no puppy dog Leon from RE2 or DILF Leon from later games & movies. The story takes place several months after the events of RE4. Yay, you’re in 2004!
I plan to make this series long and fleshed out, but I promise what you want will hit you like a train~🚂
This chapter finally fucking contains 🔞 material. This story does contain +18 content (NSFW) 🔞 If you’re a minor, please go read a real book or something, don’t cry to me when your mom finds your shit. 
Summary
As an on sight therapist for STRATCOM in Nebraska, you’re tasked with providing quality therapy for US military personnel and government agents. After working at the headquarters for 6 months, Hunnigan recommends you to a notable government agent, Leon Kennedy, who is in need of therapy. After a number of sessions with you, Leon notices a substantial stability in his sanity yet is threatened when you are offered a position back home, closer to your family and friends. Your choice doesn’t sit well with one particular client, who can’t fathom you out of your role as his therapist. Leon has found a means of keeping his precious therapist and realizes you are the key to his permanent solace. You were obviously destined to be his in some form. Why dream of him letting you go?
A\N: I was heavily inspired by Satoshi Kon’s Perfect Blue 💙, ExploreVenus’s Something Permanent and Guardian Angel by NexysWorld. We're finally getting into the nitty gritty of the story. Reminder that if you're not comfortable with male obsession and stalking, this is not for you. But if you're fucked up like me, please enjoy this! This is a really long chapter, hope y'all like it. 😉 Please comment on what how you feel about this chapter, I'm a whore for feedback. Hate it? Comment. Love it? Comment, por favor.
Hope y'all enjoy the fifth part! More to come 💝~ Anisssa أنيسة
Here is Part One , Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four of Within Session
Tagged ❤️: @fouyumixuri
Nothing In Place Of Catalysts
Friday could not have arrived fast enough for Leon. With each passing day since Monday afternoon, he anticipated the next session with the therapist that Hunnigan recommended to him. 
Despite only attending one session with the therapist, he realized there was a particular yearning to confide within her once more. Although he was vulnerable in those moments, she welcomed the uncomfortable silence to let him thrall in rumination. With all the shit occurrences in his life, there was never a sense of control yet she indulged in his words. 
          Leon strode through the familiar halls of the USSTRATCOM headquarters building to his office space, consciously walking past the door to your office. Since his position as a federal agent required him to report early for assignments or debriefings, the majority of the other staff were not present in the building yet. Soon, that door would be wide open to welcome his return, and he would sneak another opportunity to peek at your figure or finally glimpse the color of your-.
        Leon paused briefly in his steps. His distracted gaze at the floor became clear at the realization of what his daydreaming entailed.
   An exhaustive sigh escaped Leon’s mouth as he neared his office, shaking his head at his own ill intent. These thoughts were dangerous, something Leon acknowledged within himself. Either he has not been getting an efficient amount of sleep, or he is in desperate need of a fuck. But then again, for Leon it has been some time since he was in that pleasurable endeavor weeks prior that consequent him to awaken to an empty bedside. Maybe his fantasization was the product of constant nightmares contorting his mind or a lingering symptom of the Las Plagas virus despite being eradicated from his body.
        Nonetheless, Leon knew his therapist was there to perform her job and he was present to receive help from her. Nothing more. 
    Soon Leon stepped in the wide office room, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee instantly peaking his attention as he walked towards his desk among the desks of other agents. Already, there was a stack of papers on his desk, waiting to be reviewed and submitted. A tired groan emits from his lips, not wanting to inch anymore near his desk, yet Hunnigan would chew his ass out if he did not complete them, something he aspired to avoid. 
    On cue, heels echoed behind him until he was faced with the honeyed eyes behind a red pair of glasses peering back to his blue ones. It was early in the morning, yet her appearance and stature were precise as ever. There was never a crease or stain on her usual blazer and slacks. “Good morning, Leon,” Hunnigan announced. The prominent FOS agent that has always provided unrivaled intel when she aids him on missions, forms a faint smile on her face as she strolls past Leon, reports in one hand while the other hand carries a mug full of coffee.       
    Leon’s brows briefly hiked in acknowledgment to her presence, allowing the other agent to settle at her desk. “Morning, Hunnigan,” he replies, leaning on his desk. Now, there was a question he had been meaning to ask Hunnigan, but he was unsure how to deliver it
     With an adjustment in his throat, Leon crosses his arms, “Question, Hunnigan… Uh, how do you know the therapist you referred me to?” He finally breathes out, pausing to glance at her at her desk.
      Leon notices Hunnigan’s eyebrows raise, evidently puzzled at his sudden question. Hopefully he did not raise any suspicions regarding his therapist. 
   Instead, the lips on Hunnigan curve into a smile; Leon seemingly struck an evocation of her history with his therapist. She took a sip of her coffee before setting the mug carefully on her desk, a subtle thud from the surface, “We were dorm roommates back in university a couple years back. I have kept in contact with her since… Why? Did you have problems with her in session?” She questions, a hint of concern in her voice. 
        “Not at all, she has honestly been sweet and professional in our first session. I was curious to know your relations with her,” Leon reassures Hunnigan, his own smile forming. For Leon, this was the direction he needed to learn about the life of his therapist prior to her current career, and Hunnigan was easily bestowing that piece of information to him. Although, he desired additional details of her life than what Hunnigan just endowed.
      A hum emits from Hunnigan’s lips while she opens a drawer of her desk, piquing Leon’s appeal as she suddenly brings out a mini photo album. Then a wave from Hunnigan’s hand beckons him over to her desk, prompting her to flip several pages of the photo album until she taps a particular picture several times with her pointer finger. If Leon could jump through pictures, this is one he would.
    The sight was a sight to behold, nothing yet could transcend what Leon was presently perceiving with his own eyes. A younger version of Hunnigan and you in casual clothes posing together on a couch. Hunnigan had an arm wrapped around your shoulder whereas you laid your head on Hunnigan’s shoulder, holding two peace symbols with your hands and a slight smile on your face. This picture panged his heart yet seemingly excited Leon in more ways than one. 
     “This must have been when you and her were in college, huh?” Leon questions in an amused tone, raising the photo album from Hunnigan’s desk to his face. He intended to inspect every feature of the young face of his therapist.
      “Yeah, we were in our first year together at university in that picture. Once you get to know her more, you’ll learn she is soft-spoken and reserved, yet overall sweet,” Hunnigan mentions, observing Leon from her desk as she indulges in another sip of her coffee. 
      An abrupt ring from Hunnigan’s office phone redirects their attentiveness from the photo to the source of sound. Swiftly, Hunnigan grabs the office phone from the reception console to her ear.
      “Ingrid Hunnigan, sir.” She replies upon answering the phone. At that moment, Leon closes the photo album, returning it to the surface on Hunnigan’s desk while she speaks on the phone. 
       “We need to be there now? Yes, sir. We will be on our way…”
        With that final response, Hunnigan returns the phone on the receptor. “We were summoned for a briefing, they want us there in 5. Ready to leave, agent Kennedy?” She remarks, directing her eyes to Leon beside her desk. 
        Leon begrudgingly nods to her, a huff emitting from his mouth as he steps away from Hunnigan’s desk to exit their office,” Yeah, let’s go…” He mutters, knowing he can not escape this briefing. The director and higher ups of the government owned him, a pawn for them to dictate his every movement.
     Within the next hour, Leon found himself in a room of high ranking government personnels in a secluded room meant for debriefings, discussing the details of his next mission. While Hunnigan was seated beside him at the table, writing notes for intel, Leon let his mind escape from where he was to where he could be. Within these last few days, his eagerness to be in the presence of his therapist was an understatement. To admit he was possessed by a particular fondness for his therapist from one session would entail humiliation. This admiration was his guilty pleasure to keep secret for now. 
      The voices of the government officials regarding the trivial information of the mission were drowned out, as he recalls the finer details of the crimson colored skirt and blazer with those pair of black heels that accentuates your figure in all the right places from last session.   
        Leon’s breath hitches when he notices the pants area around his groin feel tighter. Any movement in his chair, he felt his dick rub against the fabric of his dress pants. He let his imagination idled further than he intended, now he had to endure a hard on during the remainder of the meeting. Dire thoughts consisted of silent prayers that none in the room would notice the growing bulge in his pants, coercing his body to keep his legs under the table. 
     In his favor, the briefing only lasted 10 more minutes, however he needed to wait for the room to clear before he could stand from his chair. To his side, Hunnigan cocked her eyebrows in confusion, “Are you okay, Leon?” She inquires, noticing his flushed face. 
     “Yeah, my stomach just hurts. Probably that damn Mcgriddle I ate earlier this morning, not setting well with me. I’m fine, I’ll meet you back in the office, okay?” Leon chuckles in breathes, his cheeks blooming a blush. Thank god he was witty enough to conjure some bullshit at that moment. It worked, Hunnigan gave him a concerned nod, proceeding to leave the briefing room.
     Now that Leon was the only remaining presence in the room, he immediately stood from his chair before peeking his head out the door to peer down the hall. Not a soul in sight. With that internal green light, Leon treads to a nearby single stall bathroom. After an exasperated sigh, he twirls around to lock the door behind him once inside. When the lock clicks, ensuring his privacy, Leon then lowers his gaze to the bulge in his pants. Leon turns around once more to lean on the door, unzipping the fly of his dress pants with one hand, his erection greedily desiring to be unconfined.
         Once he pulled down his pants and briefs, he was met with the sight of his hardened cock leaking with precum. His hand immediately attends to firmly grasp the shaft of his dick, gradually pumping in a rhythmic motion. The other hand reaches inside his breast pocket, retrieving his new found valuable. 
        A grin forms on Leon’s lips when he unfolds the photo of Hunnigan and you during your college years. His fingers maneuver to fold the photo in half, only displaying your side of the pictures, throwing those cute peace signs at the camera. His eyes bore into the picture, scanning every aspect of your face and body while his other hand tugs the skin of his length. With each stroke, he stared at your lips in the picture, fantasizing those pretty pink lips wrapped around him while you kneel before him on the bathroom floor to worship the very floor he stood on. While the sensation from his warm hand intensified, he let out mewls of whimpers from his mouth. The beat of his heart accelerated, as his forehead produced beads of sweat. 
     His own lustful mind seemingly manifests a phantom of you through pure imagination, wearing the same red blazer and skirt from the previous session. How could you not comprehend red was the color of seduction that would entice desperate men such as him? Leon then spits on his hand to apply as a lube to pump himself at a rapid pace with his palm. In his perverse reverie version of you, he envisioned those lips of yours engulfing his dick, inch by inch until you feel yourself desperately gagging for air. His concentration returned to the picture in his other hand, studying the eyes of the woman he was currently envisioning with him entirely in her mouth and lulled eyes gazing up to his face. 
    “Fuck-,” Leon breathes out with a hitch, his body shuddering along with the accumulating waves of pleasure. In spurts, his throbbing cock releases ropes of cum onto his dress pants and floor of the bathroom. While in the pinnacle of his climax, Leon rides out his bliss with several strokes until his arousal gradually ceases. 
     After the euphoric high seemed to wane, follows the familiar sentiment of guilt. In shameful realization, Leon immediately slumps back against the door while he catches his breath. With several blinks of his eyes,  his head hangs down and gazes down to the bathroom floor. The tile floor appeared disgusting, just like him. No one needed to bring awareness to Leon that he was crossing the thin line that separates love and obsession. That thin line being infatuation, impeding an inevitable desire that will consume his prospect. Even with those aspects into consideration, he was completely enthralled by you.
    Leon used two fingers to stretch the opening of his breast pocket, simply sliding the folded photo in its rightful place, before gently patting the breast pocket with his hand. By recomposing himself, Leon yanked his underwear and pants to his waist after adjusting his dress shirt and vest. To the best of his ability, Leon tried to wipe off the cum stains on his pants with a wet paper towel. ‘This is fucking embarrassing,’ Leon mused within himself. 
    Eventually, Leon departed from the sight of the bathroom to stroll the halls of the building. Down the hall, he noticed the door to your office was wide open, the light from the room partially cascading onto the floor of the hall. While nearly tempted to sneak a peek at you, Leon understood it was better to see you during his time. 
       The morning and afternoon breezed by with the appalling amount of paperwork from Hunnigan as he worked at his desk. For the flow of time, he remained engrossed in his work until it was nearly time to leave. By 4:50PM, Leon spared no hesitation to submit the documents on Hunnigan’s desk, followed by a final wave of goodbye for the weekend as Leon eagerly exited the office. His next destination was quite obvious.
        Similar to the last session, Leon notices his therapist seated at her desk so immersed in paperwork that she was not aware of his presence. Only a knock from his hand on the door jolted her from her work, her gaze finally directed to Leon at the entrance of her office. Those luscious lips that he desperately wants to taste, forms a grin when your eyes recognize who was at the door. 
      “Welcome back, Leon,” You address him gently, standing from your chair to greet him formally. 
       Upon seeing you walk towards him, Leon had to contain his disappointment when he discerned your dress pants in substitute for a skirt. This session, you were professionally dressed in a lilac colored blazer and slacks. While the previous outfit was preferable, Leon knew his last comment nestled into your mind in some way. He really wanted to take a peek at your legs, maybe imagine them wrapped around his waist.
    “So, should we get started?” Your silk-like voice interrupts his train of thought. You were already seated at one of the two arm chairs, waiting for him to be seated on the other.
   “Yeah, sorry to keep you waiting,” Leon murmurs, blushing as if he were caught red-handed. These intrusive thoughts were repulsive, a kind and soft-spoken woman such as you did not deserve to be regarded in such a manner
     ‘To hell with it, she doesn’t have to know,’ Leon rationalizes, maintaining an innocent smile as he sits in front of you.
‘She doesn’t suspect a thing’
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lovingmattysposts · 4 months
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VERY IMPORTANT
TELL ME WHICH ONE YOU GUYS WANT FOR THE NEXT CHRIS SERIES (im not going to lie this is hard choice bc i love all of these stories so so much)
side note: these are all pre written for the most part but are unfinished and started off as 5sos fics but I’m just changing the names
Story 1: Enemies to Lovers with Chris- Your best Friend is dating Matt and asks you to come stay a few weeks at her lake house for her birthday. The only problem is Chris is going to be there. You hated Chris. You could not spend an entire two weeks with him in an in closed house without someone winding up killed. Then you find out you’re forced to share a room, and you couldn’t stand him.
Story 2: (personal favorite): Bad boy with Rich girl trope: You had the seeming perfect life, perfect parents, perfect house, perfect cars, perfect boyfriend. Everything seems perfect on paper, but peel back the layers and things got messy. You loved your boyfriend Max, but you think you see him kissing another girl and you need revenge. Causing you to see a boy outside who you have no idea will change your world, flipping your life upside down.
Story 3: Loner girl with egotistical maniac famous YouTuber: You lived in a small Town house with your dad, that was connected to a coffee shop. Your life consisted of reading, writing, making coffee and going to therapy. After your mom died, everything seemed dull. Your dad was distant and you had no idea how to even move on when he seem to already have. You see a boy yelling at someone one night when you’re on top of your roof and he catches your eye. Why was he yelling? Why was he so angry? Why was he looking back at you?
let me know which one you want for the next series ❤️ once eastide ends I’ll probably change one of these to a Matt story for the next series
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sir-subpar · 3 months
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We Need Help To Save Buddy!
Our dog had been battling cancer. I didn't share too much about it on here originally out of privacy.
Now, however...
There is a chance to save him from his tumor. But.. Not only would it require surgery, it would require radiation therapy which isn't done in the state I live in. We would have to go to another state.
And it's very expensive. It can cost $7,000, or even more in some cases.
Because the tumor is on his face it's really hard to remove all the cancerous tissue.
To remove it all might require removing part of his nasal cavity and his eye if we don't get the proper radiation therapy. We've already had surgery done on it before, and it grew back far more aggressive.
Please help us get rid of his cancer, for good this time
I am asking for emergency commissions.
Please, help me save our dog
Buddy
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He's been with us in the darkest of times. He's been a wonderful, loving part of our family. He is one of the sweetest things I've ever seen in this world. And saving this animal would mean the world to me. To us. To our family.
Commissions, tips, donations, spreading the word, anything and everything helps bring us closer to saving his life. We don't want to have to put him down.
He still has so many years left. Please, if you can, help us save our dog. Every penny counts.
I have a Ko-fi. We also set up a GoFundMe, hosted by my brother. Which I will also link. We're hoping that together we can save Buddy from this awful disease.
To show you all just how much this means to me. I will reveal my face to you all. And share more photos of our beloved Buddy, from before his cancer got so bad
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In this last photo, he sneezed in the middle of me taking the picture. Such a silly dog
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scarqn · 2 months
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Stranger || Vernon
Vernon x f!reader
Genre:fluff, nonidol!vernon, smau
Summary: you come home from a vacation to a random stranger in your bed, or maybe he isn't so much of a stranger after all...
Warnings: swearing (mostly f!reader lol sos), a lil but of angst & mental health mentions, hella serious anger issues(f! reader), mentions of sexual activity, very much kissing, mentions of food/pics of food:) TALK ABOUT CAR CRASH‼️
A/N: HEY sorry I’ve been gone all week I’m back at school and it’s exam time especially next week so I might be even more inactive (only since I wanna do good on these exams for the bigger ones) but I’ll try myself best. But I’ve always been away this week bc I’ve had no motivation at all and it’s been pretty tuff for me in general. But I hope I can do better in the future. So please forgive me for the long wait for part 4🙏🏼😰 anyways hope you enjoy❤️
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Vernon makes his way to your bedroom, he wants to ask about your knee and what happened, but he feels like it may be a sensitive topic to you. So, he just asks if you needed anything else be he heads out. “No I’m okay, thank you though, it means a lot.” You reply. He nods and you get suspicious that he wants to ask you something else.
He slightly glances to your knee and now you know he’s wanting to ask what happened. “I was in an accident.” You say. Vernons head jerks up and he mutters out a single, “Oh.” It was unexpected, he didn’t know, “I’m sorry, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.” He’s genuine, that’s what you like the most about him. He’s honest and kind and somehow doesn’t make small things into bigger things.
“No it’s okay, I can talk about it. I ended up tearing my ACL severely. I almost lost my ability to walk, I try my best to be as careful and even though I’ve been cleared for weeks now, I dont it just stresses me out. I hit my knee and I immediately think of the worst thing possible.” You let out a small chuckle at the end.
“It happened in the states, I was staying with my mom for a little. For about three weeks, then me and my brother got into an accident after I picked him up from the gym. My mom didn’t want me to come back to Korea until I was cleared. That’s why I was gone for so long and the only people know is Mingyu and Minghao and well, now you.”
“Oh,” it’s the only thing Vernon seems to let out, he’s shocked and doesn’t know what to say. “Are you okay?” He asks, you simply nod and say, “Yes, no one was killed. My brother did experience a little bit of brain damage but he’s okay now. And so am I so please don’t worry about me. I had enough of that when it came to Mingyu and Hao.” You laugh.
“Well aslong as you’re okay, then so am I. I’m glad no deaths happened. I’m glad you’re okay, and your brother I don’t know.” You nudge he shoulder softly.
“Mingyu was right about you being a big softy on the inside.” You joke, Vernon’s raises and eyebrow, “Mingyu said that? What else did he say about me?”
“Nothing bad, just a few things he thought I’d need to know before I do something stupid like kicking you out.” You shrug your shoulders. Vernon nods, “Well, I need to get going to I’ll see you later.”
“Okay, I’ll make something when you get back.” You smile at him, he returns the smile and you both bid goodbyes and he leaves.
Once Vernon leaves, you find yourself letting out a big sigh you did notice you were keeping in. At least he now knows what happened to you. You did feel like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders when you told him what happened. Even thought you and your brother are okay, it’s still a sensitive topic. You couldn’t drive for almost 4 months because you was scared. Therapy helped you over coke that though.
“Right,” you say to yourself, “Time for the gym.”
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AN: I actually like this one😭🙏🏼
Tags: @dkswife @writingbarnes
(Lmk if you wanna be tagged👊🏻)
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haha hey I hate doing this bc ugh but I kinda realized I rly need help
sooooo a few nights ago, my mom and dad basically beat the shit out of me, rried to kill me, and forced me to sleep in my car. I had to brute force my way back inside my house. we're seemingly okay now, but the fact this had happened before means it'll happen again probably, and will also probably get worse!!!!! so I need to save up money to get out of my house.
this will take a long time. this city's average price of rent is fucking atrocious. but I can't think of anything else to do. I have to get away from my parents. I don't care how I do it I just have to get away.
I also need to actually go to therapy, and my goal is to get a service dog. my childhood gave me really bad mental illnesses that affect my day to day life.
my goal is to get out and get help basically
so comms are open. here's a quick price chart:
[all of these are the prices for fully colored + shaded pieces]
headshots: $20
bust/halfbody: $45
fullbody: $60
I also have a k0fi:
pypl likes to hold money from k0fi for some reason whenever I get money from it, but anything will do.
my pypl email is leondawolfxd [gmail]
please please please rb
thank you
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magnolianv1nce · 8 months
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(hc) Being a Spring Sibling Includes . . .
pairing(s) : Tori / Charlie Spring + Sibling!reader
synopsis : how being siblings with tori + charlie would be !
warning(s) : sibling dynamics , fluff + comfort ideals , mentions of self harm ( broad / undetailed ) , implied homophobia , h*rry gr**ne , mentions of the f slur .
authors note : i sadly will not be including oliver from the osemanverse books , since i cannot accurately portray him as i havent read the books he features in . hope you enjoy regardless !
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✦ firsts things first , sibling age hierarchy .
✦ regardless if youre eldest , middle , or youngest , tori will always feel like an older sister to you by the way she very deeply cares for you in such a . . . blunt manner .
✦ charlie , however , can either be an older brother idol or a younger brother you care about just like tori .
✦ you basically have an amazing emotional support system in the form of tori and charlie .
✦ tori and charlie constantly remind you that you can always text them or talk to them .
✦ sometimes you feel like you dont deserve either of them , but they make sure that you shake that mindset away .
✦ whenever youre in a dump , theyll offer to take you to the mall or arcade , or anywhere you like to go .
✦ god forbid you ever self harm , but if you do , nick and charlie are there for you .
✦ theyll never shame you for doing it , but they will make sure you try not to do it again .
✦ theyll help you patch up your scars , get you something to drink , and overall just make sure you are 100% comfortable .
✦ on the other hand , whenever charlie or tori has a breakdown or a bad day , you try your best to be there for them .
✦ youll sit there and let them vent or soak your shirt in tears , just as long as you get to see your sibling better than their previous condition .
✦ you three made an old joke about saving up for therapy , but at some point , you three actually ended up making an actual communal therapy fund .
✦ napping with these two are great .
✦ usually , if youre tired enough , youll pass out on either of their beds , and theyll just shove you to the side before napping next to you .
✦ just like your siblings , you also have a nickname everyone calls you by , just like tori from victoria and charlie from charles .
✦ coming out to either of them would go absolutely swimmingly .
✦ charlie would obviously be happy to have another alphabet mafia member in the family , and now tori knows to purchase those god-awful rainbow socks during christmas as your present to annoy you .
✦ the sibling group chat with these two . . . is something ! . . .
mental asylum char — nick said he can come over ❤️ char — also did either of you take my charger tori — ew more snogging y/n — LMAOOOO char — tori did you take my charger ?????? tori — [y/n] can u bring me stuff while him and nick r snogging y/n — if i dont die from cringing then ok
✦ while charlie was crushing on nick , you and tori had to watch the endless pining and yapping .
✦ charlie was dropping way too much info to document , so you just kept voice memos of him talking about nick .
✦ you showed them to him afterwards , and yes , he asked for you to send them to him .
✦ even when charlie didnt confirm his relationship with nick , you and tori just sat back and watched it unravel .
✦ you had something akin to tori's older sister magic , in that you turned up with anything either of your siblings needed .
✦ if theyre looking for that old pair of converse , youll have it . if theyre looking for that old copic marker , its in your drawer . that old usb stick from birth , yes , its in your backpack .
✦ you and charlie have great jam sessions .
✦ if you play a musical instrument , great ! he finds something both of you can play .
✦ if not , he'll buy one of those cheap karaoke machines with the microphone or grab a hairbrush so you can be his vocals .
✦ tori will occasionally join in after charlie insistently asks , singing along with you .
✦ you three have a group playlist together titled ‘trilogy done wrong’ filled with an amalgamation of all your favorite songs .
✦ you three often times bake together , although . . . its a hassle .
✦ charlie is constantly smearing flour onto you and and tori , you constantly keep moving the ingredients around the kitchen while grabbing stuff , and tori threatens to add too much flavoring or ingredients just to throw some chaos into the mix .
✦ mario kart . mario kart , mario kart , mario kart .
✦ if theres ever teams, its always you and tori versus charlie .
✦ you and tori swear he cheats but regardless , he'll slow down and pretend his controller bugged out just to let you three win ( you both realized this pretty early , but a win is a win . )
✦ movie nights !
✦ prep time before movies are a disaster . someone stole someone elses snacks , the blankets have gone missing in the dryer , and somehow , the remote vanishes and ends up in the bathroom upstairs .
✦ when you finally get to pick the movie , its a split decision between rom-com , scifi fantasy , or horror .
✦ charlie likes to say hes brave , but whenever horror is selected , expect the pillows nearby to be placed in a makeshift visual shield .
✦ tori likes to knock down said pillow shield during the jumpscares . its quite fun to watch . not so fun to have charlie erratically kick you out of fear .
✦ whether you attend truham or higgs , youll have a sibling on campus . take this as a blessing or a curse .
✦ ESPECIALLY if you go to school with charlie , you keep reminding him to tell you and tori if harry and his rugby mates ( that title sound so stupid to you and tori ) mess with him .
✦ tori and you wont physically deal with him , but its the thought that counts here .
✦ when you and tori caught word of harry calling charlie a fag , you both almost contemplated posting it on her blog just to ruin his life .
✦ you opted out of it . . . but the idea is still in your notes app .
✦ with the mention of tori's blog , tori will OCCASIONALLY let you post on it . this is basically a ‘what did we end up doing right’ kind of situation , but youre thankful nonetheless .
✦ studying with these two is amazing . or hell . like a lot of things .
✦ if you have flashcards , they wont go to the next one until you end up getting the current term right . doesnt matter if it takes all night or how many hints , theyre not skipping flashcards .
✦ writing an essay ? tori will jokingly nitpick at your word choice , loudly sipping at her already finished glass of diet lemonade .
✦ charlie would second guess himself and , in turn , make you second guess your OWN self .
✦ he profusely apologizes after but still giggles at it .
✦ back to the diet lemonade thing , there is 100% a designated place in the fridge or pantry just for the gallons of diet lemonade . just for tori .
✦ once , you and charlie finished the diet lemonade gallon , and tori was pissed . or , it seemed like she was .
✦ you and charlie ended up paying for an extra few more gallon fulls of diet lemonade just because you two felt bad .
✦ whenever you three go shopping , if you set a budget , either expect to spend way below it or way ABOVE it . there is no in between .
✦ the whole receipt for charlie is just converse and some other trinkets he ends up placing on his shelves .
✦ tori either buys cables and sd cards for her laptop , or spends it on an unhealthy amount of diet lemonade .
✦ you on the other hand , spends it on whatever you like at the moment .
✦ and regardless , these two dorkheads make being a Spring just a little bit better . ( you tell this to charlie or tori and it gets to their heads !!! )
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stillfrownyclownlol · 5 months
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Aiden BPD headcanonsssss because my dad is being weird and I feel weird too
(Most of these are based on my experiences living with somebody who has bpd, and maybe myself but we won't talk about that haha)
Tw for all the things bpd tends to cover (self harm, abuse, substance abuse, and suicidal ideation, brief mention of cannabis in a medical context)
-definitely a big source of trauma is his parents basically abandoning him for long stretches of time
-Prone to splitting regarding them. When they're not around its so much easier to be like "Whatever, fuck them, I don't care." But when they *are* around, they're always so affectionate, a lot of "it's not their fault they're busy", "they don't mean it", kind of thoughts...it's okay Aiden, people can still love you even if they treat you badly :/
-y'all know he's self destructive. Yall KNOW. He's been in 7 different go-kart "accidents", once broke his hip trying to impersonate Tony Hawk, and he WILL be crashing his car into a tree after binge drinking.
-Self harms as a form of stimulation sometimes. He just gets SO bored. Usually will slam his head on the nearest hard object or cut himself with his compass.
-has been to a "wellness center" (mental hospital) after an episode where when his parents were on a trip, they returned and found him catatonic on his bed, he hadn't gotten up for almost 8 weeks and his mattress was stained with urine. Not to mention he'd gotten extremely sick after eating only Ramen. Called this a "blip" and hasn't done anything like this again, but only cuz he hated the hospital so much :/
-not really good at managing his anger. He gets pissed off easily (his jaw starts clenching), but has definitely eased off with the yelling and picking a fight with the person. May say some things he may or may not regret later :/ might like kick the wall or smth too-
-his feelings of emptiness and boredom get really exacerbated when he tries to sleep, so he just doesn't sleep until he passes out from exhaustion.
-extremely rare, but if he cries its almost never the appropriate time.
-his favorite person (and I mean this in the bpd way not just the usual way) was Ben, now it's Ashlyn. She asks Ben for advice sometimes on how to understand him better. Is trying to get better, but he just wants all of her attention all the time. He could make a soliloquy of all the things he loves about her. She's the one who pushed him to go back to therapy and told him "hey, I think you have somethinh"
-Weirdly protective but in a hands off way?? Even tho he really doesn't handle himself well? He knows his friends can take care of themselves but it doesn't stop him from running through the worst case scenario. Freaks out if people are late, especially if they're punctual. Also really defensive of them, they do no wrong in his eyes (except when they do :/)
-used to push people away to avoid disappointment or abandonment, especially because they needed to move so much. All his relationships were very superficial. Ghosted people a lot.
-Has chronic pain as an adult because of all the injuries he suffered through as a kid, not to mention his shitty posture. He takes painkillers, but they leave him zoned out and with even worse insomnia so he doesn't take them a lot. Sometimes uses medicinal weed if the pain is really bad. Ash tries to help by rubbing his back, though she says she's not that useful. He always feels better afterwards tho ❤️
-Smokes if he is really stressed, but he's ashamed about it and tries not to do it too much. Picked it up after stealing some of his mom's cigarettes when he was younger.
-his inner voice is extremely negative and he is generally under the impression that everybody hates him. Tries to act like this doesn't bother him and acts like a nuisance because if everybody hates him why even bother filtering his thoughts or actions?
-why were you even born? Who'd love a screw up like you? Your own parents didn't even want you.
-rejection sensitivity and gets really depressed if he's upset one of his friends. Will usually self harm to cope because he think lashing out will make things worse and he just doesn't know what else to do.
-he loves deeply and he's fiercely loyal. He's good with children. He's a wonderful artist. And he is so very incredibly kind. His bpd does not define him as a person.
I don't know if anybody needs to hear this, but, having BPD is not a death sentence. You're not doomed to be a bad person or an abuser, and I say this as somebody who was abused by someone with BPD (my own father). People with BPD are scared, they are struggling, and most of all, they're tired. If you or somebody you care about thinks they're have bpd, try to contact a doctor or specialist and seek professional help.
I'm gonna go cry in the shower now :)
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ardenrabbit · 1 month
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Hello!
A Long and Slow Recovery - are we past the halfway point? I am so excited to see how everything turns out. Did you do a lot of research to delve into Xie Lian’s experience with recovery? It’s very well written with regard to his mental and emotional struggles. Also , I just love how you write Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s interactions.
Those Worthy of Following( new name change!) - I gushed about it in your comment section but need to emphasize how much I love that opening chapter with the dual between Hua Cheng and Xie Lian. And this dynamic, of Hua Cheng being the prince, and Xie Lian being the bodyguard, is A+++. Xie Lian is so calm and kind and powerful. He was so fierce about Hua Cheng not talking down about himself. Like,yes gege, please show your Hua Cheng how precious he is, haha. I ❤️ reading Xie Lian showing his protectiveness of Hua Cheng, even from the man himself. I’m also keen to see how Feng Xin and Mu Qing will take to Xie Lian in this verse too.
Is there anything else you can share about it that’s not spoilers? If not, that’s fine too!
Your writing is just delicious - a pleasure, something to savor and come back to again and again.
Thank you!
Omg thank you so much 💕😭💕 Your comments are always such a delight!! It's so validating and encouraging and I hope you know that!!
We are indeed past the halfway point in alasr! I honestly just kind of know what happens in a big blob with like half a dozen bullet points, so I don't have a final chapter count ready, but Chapter 20 is basically the start of the second half of the story. I originally thought the fic was gonna end at just about the New Year celebration, but it turns out his recovery is taking a lot longer than that, and his recovery isn't even the only one we're dealing with now, so I got ambitious. The premise also uh deserves a little more closure and resolution than that lol, so Arc 2 is gonna be a little higher stakes than we've had so far.
I'm so glad you're enjoying how I'm writing Xie Lian and his recovery! Haha I did research a variety of other conditions and disabilities and read accounts from people who have them, because that's just good research. Honestly, though, inspiration for the vast majority of Xie Lian's mental/emotional struggles have been sourced from firsthand experience :)
I'm mentally and physically disabled and have been my whole life, and I wasn't even diagnosed with anything (I was somehow just diagnosed with Teenager) until I hit rock bottom about it in adulthood. I've gotten to a better place with the mental stuff, but even though it's no longer an active threat to me, my bad days can still leave me nonverbal, disconnected from reality, and sometimes catatonic. The physical stuff has been getting worse over the years, and even though I can still walk independently with a cane when I leave the house (as long as I rest a lot), I still fall down just walking in my own home. I keep having to remember that my chronic pain and fatigue isn't normal, and I keep getting evidence that I'm worse than I thought. I've had to reorganize my life around all of it and I'm uh. Not taking it well lately lol.
So alasr is my self-therapy project. Xie Lian is going to get better and I'm not, and that still kind of pisses me off lol, but it's nice to vent and see someone else get a happy ending. So...yeah, at least writing alasr has helped distract me from my own pity party, and Xie Lian's anger, despair, guilt, and forced optimism are cathartic for me. It's not just about me, though; obviously I'm trying to stay in character for him and write in the context of his specific circumstances. But I guess I relate to sick fic stuff lol
Fully aware that that was a lot of oversharing 💜
But ANYWAY, AS FOR ✨ THOSE WORTHY OF FOLLOWING ✨ I'm so glad you're liking that one so far too!! I craaaaave protective badass Xie Lian and I needed a different brand of angst and drama from alasr for a while lol. I love writing violence tbh. I don't wanna spoil too much, but I definitely wanna confirm this:
TWOF is NOT a post-canon reincarnation fic. I'm personally not up for writing that kind of loss of all their canon experiences. And there are probably some really well-written takes on it! It's just not personally my speed. 😅 This one might seem like a post-canon reincarnation fic in the first couple chapters, but it'll make more sense soon.
It IS angst with a HAPPY ending, I promise!! What I'm planning right now gets really rather sad and it might seem hopeless at some point, but I promise, I'm confident in my plan to make it genuinely happy and fulfilling!
I'm exploring a trope about which I've had some general hangups, but I honestly enjoy taking tropes and tweaking them to my preferences. I think a lot of people can already guess what trope I'm talking about, which is fine with me! If it means the buildup and foreshadowing are working, I'm happy it fits!
What I'm panicking about with this wip is that I've convinced myself that I need to earn a doctorate in Tang Dynasty battle and siege tactics to write it credibly lmao. I spent three hours the other night researching ancient Chinese fire starters and the differences between Han and Tang era tea preparation (to little avail). This one is gonna take a lot of research for my own peace of mind but I hope it pays off!
Mu Qing and Feng Xin are gonna be okay!! Someone commented on ch2 that they liked that Mu Qing got hurt because they hate him and I'm like...I didn't think I'd framed that as a good thing..... 😅 That was something a Bad Guy did.......... 😅😅😅
Thank you so much for your kind comments and all of the fun engagement!! I'm truly so honored that you've enjoyed my writing so far! 💖💖💖
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The Brothers Sun ep8
Understandable that the Tea Leaf guy won't talk unless Big Sun is brought down
Aw, they're staying in a motel
Mama Sun is so done that Bruce couldn't get the name for dragon head right 😂
She makes her son drive at night because she gets lost😭
She bought 6 pasta strainers just because they were on sale
"You are not a crime boss. You're my mom." She can be both
I get where she's coming from, but it never sits right to be mad at the kid who didn't
NOOOOOOOOOO Charles nooooooooooooooo
Oh thank god, he shot above his brother's head
The mom's hand on Charles shoulder 😭 I bet she came running
I love that Bruce said that it's going to lead to decades of therapy (that his brother was sent to kill him by their father)😂
Charles don't hurt your brother! He has a point about killing your father
The fact that Bruce said he'd do anything to protect his brother 😭
The way the mom admitted that the chairleg incident was a test and she didn't push back against the father when he forced Charles to kill the first time😭
At least she's showing the remorse and guilt she feels for sacrificing
"Forget dad, you can be Charles -churro baker Sun"😭
The way that the mom has a charger for her son's phone😭
Oh, Charles just realized how he was betrayed
Xing telling the Wang bros that they need to shut up makes me hope she at least feels some guilt for betraying
The dad is such an asshole
Good for you Charles, telling your dad you want to stay. I'm proud of you❤️
The way I cheered when Charles shot those douche bags😂
Oh no, Xing is going to kill the mother and brother 😭
Well fuck indeed, Charles, fuck indeed
Alexis saying that they don't have shrimp chips😂
Him asking for a charger is not permission to track his phone
Alexis is far worse than Charles ever could be
Mama Sun wearing an oversized jersey is so cute
Yeah, Xing sucks and blood boots would never
The fact that the mom is immediately chastising Bruce for getting the wrong milk😂
FUCK YOU ALEXIS. FUCK YOU
Bruce is absolutely playing her😂 the improv classes work!
I love how Charles is just as shocked that the mom can fight 😂😂
Bruce planning to kill their dad😂
I mean, him being good at Laser Tag and also beating his actual assassin brother at a shooting video game is hilarious and actually makes sense
Bruce: "Neither of us are who our parents thought we were."
Charles"Yeah, but both our parents are crazy."
Bruce: "yeah."
Bruce, hugging Charles: "I don't think we've ever hugged before."
Charles: "Well, you're probably gonna die, so might as well get one last one before you go."😂
Bruce: "Right."
Bruce, handing his visitor badge to Alexis: "The Brothers Sun don't work with cops." HA!
Oh no, Bruce don't listen to that serpent of a father who's telling you to join him.
I love that Charles made sure to shoot his dad and missed the internal organs 😂 It definitely pays
The way that Bruce said he'd use his spit to make his taco dumplings 😂
I'm pretty sure that it was Bruce's plan all along to get his brother and mom to cook for him forever😂
FUCK YEAH! THE MAMA INJECTING THE DAD'S IV BAGS WITH INSULIN IS WICKED AND GENIUS AND I'M SO HAPPY FOR HER!
Awwwww she bought her son a bakery 😭🥺
Hopefully that other girl isn't
The way she brought gifts to her friends
I love that she wants her kids to have lives and be happy 🥺❤️
Good for Alexis that she got a tower of her snack
The pictures in the mom's room with both her boys🥺😭
I'm crying with Bruce and Mama Sun too😭 nothing bad better happen to her
Oh nooooo, Charles is leaving too😭 I mean I'm happy that he's gonna get some time with his mama and that she's finally getting what she wants
I love that June has dinner reservations already 😂 she's got her priorities straight
The fact that Bruce still struggles to drive his car is hilarious and relatable af😂
I really hope we get another season, just because this was so well written and I enjoyed this show so much. But it also ended on a great note.
Ooooooo I wonder who that guy with the sunglasses sounds like he's being sent after Tea guy
Also still curious about who the man was that Eileen had been dancing with in Taiwan
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steddieas-shegoes · 10 months
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'til the grave and when we're ghosts
| This is a birthday ficlet for my flower, Dio (@flowercrowngods), who deserves all the happiness and love that he can possibly get, especially on his birthday. I hope the love between Steve and Eddie is sweet enough for you today ❤️ - Mickala
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“The moon’s hiding tonight,” Steve whispered.
He’d come outside with Eddie to help him relax after a hard day at physical therapy. The air around them was thick with a tension Steve wasn’t used to.
Even on his bad days, Eddie was usually still light enough to float around the space they shared, bringing happiness to Steve that he hadn’t been prepared for.
“Yeah. Maybe she’s having a bad day too,” Eddie whispered, his voice sounding choked, wet.
Close to tears.
Steve turned onto his side, watched as Eddie closed his eyes, a tear slipping down the side of his face.
Steve reached his fingers out slowly, wiping away the moisture and waiting for Eddie to open his eyes again.
“What’s wrong, Eds?”
Eddie finally turned his face, another tear escaping from his eye.
“Do you ever wonder if it’s worth the trouble?”
“If what’s worth the trouble?”
“The work of getting better. The fact that I’m six months into recovery and barely closer to being cleared for take off than I was when I started is annoying. What’s worse is that this may be all I ever get to be again. I might always have a limp, and pain, and lose feeling in my leg and arm randomly, and phantom pain in my stomach. I could spend years at physical therapy and brain therapy and taking medications and it could all mean nothing.”
Steve cupped Eddie’s jaw, shaking his head as he spoke.
“It’s all for something. It’s to show yourself that you are alive. It’s to show the kids that you aren’t gonna give up on being the best you can be. It’s to show Wayne that you are the same Eddie you’ve always been.”
“But it’s hard. It’s so hard.”
Steve leaned in and kissed a tear on his cheek, biting back his own sob when Eddie pulled him on top of him.
Sometimes Eddie liked to feel small. He liked having Steve surround him, liked having Steve’s face right above him so he couldn’t see anything, feel anything, but Steve.
And Steve always knew when he needed it, always made himself bigger, shielded him from the world.
He did it now, curled himself around Eddie so that none of the barely-there moonlight could break through. Shared breaths against lips kept them both warm, kept them safe.
“I am so proud of you, baby. Even when it’s hard, you try. Even when it’s hard, you don’t run. You could have given up every single day since you woke up, but you didn’t. You kept going, kept trying, kept showing up for yourself. You make me so proud just to know you, let alone get to love you.”
Eddie’s leaking eyes watched Steve’s, his gaze turning softer as Steve spoke, his body relaxing more with every word.
It’s not the way Steve was going to tell him he loved him, not even close to his original plan.
His original plan was a romantic dinner, all of Eddie’s favorites, even the cookies that were kind of a pain in the ass to make but made Eddie light up. Watching the stars like this, but in the privacy of Steve’s backyard instead of the semi-privacy of the backyard of the new trailer. Going for a midnight swim, clothes abandoned on the pool chairs, skin against skin underwater and above it.
He’d wrap his arms around Eddie’s waist, the cool water lapping at their skin as Eddie pulled him against his chest, humming a song or whispering a story of just breathing slowly.
He’d tell him. He’d say he loved him. Make sure he knew how every moment with him is a moment Steve couldn’t have dreamed up if he tried.
That was the plan.
Plans can change, but his feelings don’t.
He loved Eddie when he was in a coma in the hospital, he loved Eddie when he woke up begging to see Dustin to make sure he really was okay, he loved Eddie every time he laughed and sang and made wild gestures for the people he loved.
He’ll keep loving Eddie through every moment of pain, through every day like today and night like this, he’ll love Eddie because it’s easy.
“I love you, Eddie. More than you can possibly imagine or know, more than I can say. And every day it gets bigger and better and I wonder what I could have possibly done to deserve this chance. I didn’t know it was possible to love a person as much as I love you, but I’ll keep doing it, every single day, for as long as you let me and beyond that. ‘Til the grave and when we’re ghosts, baby.”
Steve was shaking, both with the effort of staying above Eddie for so long and with the emotions spilling out of him.
He cupped Eddie’s jaw, his thumb wiping away a set of fresh tears.
He rested his forehead against Eddie’s, felt Eddie’s hands reach up and hold his hips, tug his waist down so they were touching at nearly every point they physically could be.
“I didn’t think I’d have this, I still don’t.”
“But you do, Eds. You do. You have me, you have the love I have for you. It’s all yours for as long as you want it.”
“‘Til the grave and when we’re ghosts?” Eddie smirked up at him, his cheeks flush from crying.
“Exactly.”
Steve nudged his nose against Eddie’s, silently asking for a kiss if he was ready for one. Not pushing, just suggesting.
Eddie leaned his head back so their lips could meet in a messy kiss, the tears staining Eddie’s face now becoming a part of Steve’s.
But that was it, wasn’t it?
Steve wanted every part of Eddie.
He wanted the sunshine and the moon and the stars. He wanted the laughter and fun and love. He wanted the touch and the looks and the excitement.
But he also wanted the tears and the snot. He wanted the bad days and the pain. He wanted the nightmares and the trauma.
He wanted it all with Eddie because Eddie was worth having it all with.
“I’ll take any bad day with you over any good day without you,” Eddie whispered as they pulled apart. “I love you too.”
Steve shivered at the words, felt the way they carved a permanent place in his chest.
Love didn’t fix the bad days, not for Eddie or for Steve, but it made them bearable, made them feel like they had something to hold onto when everything seemed hard to grasp.
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