#i need to see a therapist

[edens-pen]

"i'm not feeling human, i think he's a good guy"

summary | "i cry in his bathroom, he turns off the big light. i'm being the cool girl, i'm keeping it so tight."

pairing | eddie munson x fem!reader (no description)

wc | 1,303

warnings | angst, hurt no comfort, reader has a savior complex, eddie munson isn't a good boyfriend, one-sided relationship, but they are dating.

a/n | i needed to write this extremely badly. the way i needed to get this fucking fic off my chest. i also made a playlist of songs i listened to while i wrote/edited this. you can find it here, if you're ever not feeling human.

--

you shrug off the heavy lump that is your boyfriend on to your shared bed.

"i got him," you smile at steve, who lingers in the doorway.

a quizzical eyebrow raises in response. "you sure?"

"hardest part is only getting him up the stairs," you assure him, waving him off. "c'mon, let me walk you out."

steve nods, allowing you to walk him to the door. "he gonna be okay?"

"he'll be fine, just needs to sleep it off," you promise, patting steve's back.

he turns to face you, eyes staring at you intently. "are you going to be okay?"

it's not the question that stops your heart, it's the sincerity in his eyes. the way he's looking at you, the way he's searching for something.

"i'm great, just a bit sleepy."

it's a lie. he knows it and you know it.

he presses a chaste kiss to your forehead and his lips linger for just a second too long. you don't pull away until he does.

"goodnight," he whispers.

you don't trust your voice to say it back.

when the door is tightly locked behind him, you make your way back to eddie.

you peel off his sneakers as he mutters to you, mostly incoherent until he gathers his slurred thoughts into sentences.

"had so much fun tonight."

tonight consisted of eddie getting crossfaded, celebrating his success with his bandmates, and then the entire bar. tonight consisted of soda and conversation with steve as you watched eddie laugh with women across the bar.

a little bit of light fun, but at least he comes home with you.

"'m glad, baby," you grimace.

tonight happened every other week for the last 8 months.

you lugging a drunk or faded eddie home after he made an achievement.

as corroded coffin got more attention, there was more to celebrate. the bar they played at was getting crowded, their first song played on the radio, them getting picked by a manager and most recently, playing at larger and larger venues.

it wouldn't be long until they had a record deal with international tours.

it's selfish but you wish you knew where all this left you.

once you've shimmied him out of his pants, he falls asleep soundly.

exhaustion wears on your bones as you move into the bathroom. it's been a long fucking day. eddie quit his job as the band starting taking off, leaving you as the only one working to pay the bills, to keep the lights on, to pay for the gas in the van that eddie drives to venues.

he promised it would all be worth it once they made it big.

you have to believe him.

in the shower, while eddie snores in bed, you let the water run over your face as you try to contain the shattering feeling inside you.

even as you dry off, you stay in the bathroom, sitting on the closed toilet seat as you break into pieces.

you're usually so much better than this, you haven't cried in months, but sometimes it'll claw it's way to the surface. remnants of the girl eddie fell in love with. the one who cares too much and feels everything. the one who cried the time her boyfriend forgot her birthday.

but you're not that girl anymore. those things don't hurt now.

even so, you sniffle quietly in the bathroom and you jump when the door opens and a bleary eddie shuffles in, muttering something about needing to piss. moving to the wall, you watch as he uses the bathroom, washes his hands, and mindlessly flicks the light off.

you call out his name, but he grumbles something that's not an apology. he doesn't come back to turn the light on.

this is the cycle. wash, rinse, and repeat.

but you don't remember when your relationship became this.

it was so hard to explain because eddie wasn't a terrible person. not cruel or hateful. he just didn't consider you.

not when he made plans to play at venues far from home. not when he got drunk and needed to be picked up late at night. not when women slipped their numbers into his pocket. even if they were never used, still folded in his pocket when you washed his jeans.

he didn't consider you.

not as his girlfriend.

not as a human.

even when you slinked around in his t-shirts, trying to cling to him while he pried himself off.

he was everything to you. and you still didn't know what you were to him.

what you do know is you love him. you love eddie enough that it doesn't matter if he loves you back right now.

maybe he could do it later.

if he has time.

and as it would turn out he didn't.

he came home, bouncing off the walls about how inevitable happened.

there was a record label in los angeles that heard of a growing metal band from the midwest. they wanted to fly them out and before you knew it eddie was pecking your lips as you dropped him off at the airport.

you watched jeff's girlfriend go with them, tucked under her boyfriend's arm.

eddie insisted you stay home, swore he would be home to celebrate his accomplishment in a couple of days,

in a couple of weeks,

in a month or so.

"i don't think, uh, i'm--"

"you're not coming home," you finish, saying the words yourself. because even in the difficult moments, you're still saving eddie, still doing the hard things. still carrying him.

you're still cracking yourself open and giving him something he doesn't deserve from you.

still filling in his blanks.

"yeah, things are big for us now! i mean, we're signing deals and we'll be recording singles and i just can't come home right now. but don't worry about my stuff, i'll just buy some things while i'm out here," he promises. "and dustin and mike are taking good care of DND, so that's all good."

he doesn't apologize. nor does he ask if you're okay.

he just doesn't consider you.

he doesn't consider you when the local paper prints a picture of him and supermodel, hands interlocked on rodeo drive.

you shrug when people ask you about it. still protecting eddie, promising that the breakup was amiable, and you're still good friends.

because eddie is still a good guy. he calls dustin and mike every month, sometimes more. sends money home to wayne, who doesn't want to move out of hawkins, even buys him a house eventually.

he's the guy who stays to take pictures with fans outside of his hotel. the one who signs autographs until his hand cramps. the guy who gives away his guitar picks after shows. the one who shows up for everyone all the time.

he's still the guy who hasn't called since the last time you talked. the guy who hasn't written you a letter or even left a message with dustin for you. the guy who didn't even ask how you're doing.

the guy who's never asked. he's never needed to.

you've always been okay.

eddie made his home inside you and he never cleaned up. not even while he lived there. he made a mess, left his clothes on the bed, and let the dishes pile up in the sink and then he left the front door open.

he didn't bother to say goodbye.

not in this life, but perhaps the next.

--

years later, after he starts seeing a therapist, eddie writes a letter to you.

a detailed apology, an acknowledgment of everything he did and should have done better, a request for a second chance, a plea to let him love you right.

a week later he gets mail.

his letter, unopened,

[return to sender.]

[z-asticot]

how to talk to your tall gf

[shylittleunicorn15]

oh oh!! what about the wubbox :0?

oh! now that is a challenge!😊

im gonna do all of them

HEADCANONS

-since the wubboxes are pretty big i think they hide near house windows and scare the ever-loving shit out of unsuspecting monsters seriously do you know how loud they are

-air is a pussy when it comes to anything scary name something that is horror related that you think isnt scary he thinks its scary

-each one of the wubbox’s cores is pretty sensitive as it’s the only thing keeping them alive stoowarb was riding in air’s chest one day and out of boredom touched it nearly causing him and air to drop out of the sky(inspired from a story fic i read somewhere) needless to say stoowarb isnt alowed to ride inside of air’s chest peice anymore

-air and earth scream the loudest, common and rare never scream just sing, plant and cold scream in song form

-air has nightmares and almost never gets a good night of sleep so he just wakes up the other wubboxes and just bothers them as a coping mechanism he ends up being dragged back to bed by plant where he is just holding onto the flying robot i helps tho

-plant is the tallest, air is the smollest, the others are medium height

-plant hates the snow but goes out to spend time with the others, cold feels at home when it snows, epic and common have snowball fights it becomes an actual warzone when they do it, water can make the bubbles in his pipes become ice a cool little party trick idea, earth will just stare at the sky enjoying watching the snow as it falls down, air fucking loves snow always dong any snow related activity

-water can sing like a siren he doesnt do it anymore tho the last time he did ended in maggpie almost drowning

-earth tried to sew once he failed

-common and rare argue a lot

-all the wubboxes minus air and plant are ace romantic but when they do show love its scary 

-air is trans ftm

-plant is gay

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THEM

air: he screams and flies

earth: DO THE EARTH QUAKE AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

plant: TREEDEER!!!!🌳🦌

cold: he looks like he is wearing a crown

water: his design i like the fact his head is just pipes with a mouth

common: the design

rare: i have no idea maybe because he is wubbox but cooler

DO I SHIP THEM WITH ANY MONSTERS?   

thanks to a fanfic writer i ship air and plant

i think cold and earth would be pretty cute

rare and water probably

maybe common with the pink cheerleading pompom monster

IS THAT ALL?

yes im going to go get some food before i do anther request

have a nice day/night and thank you again @toygirly for your request bye!

[ohgoditssnek]

When I'm saying "I'm a Vergil kinnie" i don't mean that "I'm alpha male power fanboy who drinks white monster energy and likes plastic chairs", i mean that "I'm losing my mind because of the loneliness i experienced though out all my life and i wish that someone would save me from my miserable existence and yet i never allow myself to trust anyone or feel genuine love or affection", but people just think that i commit tax avasion

[thegroundhogdidit]

maybe if i save enough pictures of val my mental illness will leave my brain

[imaginingfrancium]

the heartache i felt from my breakup a few years ago can never be compared with the one i felt from hearing Crowley saying "we could've been... us."

(bonus if i watched it from those well-made fan cams/edits in twitter T_T)

[isfictional]

i just finished reading manacled and i feel so defeated like this is something i don't think i can recover from. when i tell you my entire soul was crushed into a million pieces after reading the last line...

she was a non-active member of the order of the phoenix and DID. NOT. FIGHT 😭😭😭😭

[lil-munchie]

Throw back to that time one of my friends said someone they knew was more like Dave strider than me and I started tearing up

[sira-ines]

Did I just, right now, buy train tickets to Paris to see DRF live in 2 days...?

[rootbeersandwich]

Gerard Way said uh uh uh uh uh and honestly? Me too.

[takamoris]

I need to start streaming again so I can amass an army of simps who love the idea of me more than anything else in the world.

[zoeisabella444]

Guys I just realised that I binged stranger things 4 from 7.30pm to 5am wtf?

[omegopng]

I was supposed to go back to college but I had a massive panic attack, cried, and slept because of how exhausted crying made me.

Anyway- I guess I have time to write this afternoon then

[notreallythatpolpular]

I'm pretty sure I'm not okay. It's been a tough year. Leaving home for the first time. Learning not to rely on others for stability, sending my service dog back before the year reached it half-way point because I don't know how to provide a structured environment for him that enforces discipline. Realising I am very very bad at communication and that I definitely have been too harsh on people in the past. Facing some of my core beliefs and seeing that there are however unintentional biases that form the foundation of some. Realising I am really not as smart or as intelligent as I imagine myself to be, in fact, for where I am in my academic journey I'm pretty much average. I have pretty much no self discipline when it comes to my health and as much as I try to convince myself otherwise, I'm lonely. I miss the conversations I could have with friends that weren't really about anything, but felt like everything. I miss feeling close to people outside my immediate family. I miss making stupid jokes and trying to out-pun someone. I miss having friends I can talk to about more than just the stress of coursework. I miss being able to handle public spaces with strangers and knowing I have at least one person in my corner when I talk to other people.

I miss being able to consume media without having to worry that I'm inadvertently supporting a genocide on the other side of the world. I'm just so tired of being in my head all the time, so I sleep more than is healthy and then proceed to eat whatever is most convenient.

I wish I could redo the last two years. I wish I'd made different decisions and I wish I was the person I thought I could be, but with experience comes wisdom and being better is going to take a lot more work than I though it was.

But, hopefully, one day, I'll be okay

[nonovyabuisness]

So my English class proposes medals if you had a high score on something…

Like we are pre-schoolers or something.

Normally I would feel a bit proud but this class is level B1 while I’m level C2 (there was no higher leveled class I could take).

So I don’t feel like I deserve this.

Plus I can download it but it looks like the first thing you get on google image when you type ‘well done’ in the search bar.

It’s a bit underwhelming if I’m honest. Also I’m currently in a depressed mood so I just want to cry while I work.

Plus that writing prompt is just rubbing salt in the wound…

Sorry for going on a rant…

Have a good day/evening/night everyone.

[rand0m-rant1ngz]

sometimes I think I’m depressed

It’s like, I’m always tired, can’t stick to a sleep schedule, I put all my worth into how others view me, washing dishes is so fucking difficult, but I do all my homework and I get good grades, I feel like shit a lot of the time, I don’t feel bad enough, my hobbies feel too difficult to do, I’m tired again, everything’s feels crushingly overwhelming, I hate myself, I don’t want to talk to my friends they’re exhausting, I don’t want anyone to notice anything’s wrong, I desperately want someone to notice that something’s wrong, I’m still tired, I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning anymore, convincing myself to shower is a constant battle, I want to let it get really bad out of some desire to prove that it actually is bad bc I know it doesn’t look bad, maybe it’s not actually bad

It’s all of this all at once and half of me feels like I’m faking it for attention bc when I’m not feeling awful it’s as if I never did feel awful, like it didn’t actually matter despite feeling awful at the time