#i need to unlearn 1 hour = 1 task

[snobgoblin]

i think part of why I don't seem to get a lot done is because I view hours as currency. like 1 hour = 1 task when in reality most of my tasks take like 20 minutes tops

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Hi! I wanted to answer the anon who was asking about what ADHD meds do & don’t help with as someone who was late-diagnosed and started meds this year. However, the effect of ADHD meds and even experience of ADHD itself varies heavily from person to person, so do keep that in mind!

DO:

- Actually hearing and retaining what people are saying. I was never able to fully experience a college lecture without panic because of only hearing bits and bobs of the lecture, going in one ear and out the other. I can truly focus and actually respond to what people are saying in a single line of thought without desperately trying to stimulate myself as much as possible to maybe get 1/2 of the detail to stick in my brain.

- Time blindness!! At first starting meds it felt like the day went for 500 years. I felt so much slower and mentally calmer, and I was able to complete “simple” tasks in under 15-20 minutes that could normally take me up to 3 hours due to distractions.

- Memory! Off my meds I have an enormously hard time remembering anything I’m trying to accomplish. I bounce from task to task without ever finishing it. On meds I’m able to think “I need to do laundry” and I just. Do the fucking laundry. It’s magical and I’ve cried more than once thinking about how much I’ve spent my life thinking I’m stupid or lazy for not being able to “just do the thing” like everyone else.

- Shutting down/fearful procrastination— I would be stuck doing nothing for days and days because I would want to do a task so badly but overly think about it and essentially paralyze myself in the decision making/getting started process. When I’m on my meds I can just do the fucking thing! Even if I don’t really feel like it! When before I practically had to have the exact perfect circumstance and could never create them, I can just plop myself somewhere and do the fucking thing. Just like I’ve been told all my life— “Even if you don’t want to, do it anyways” except now I have the actual ability to do that like everyone else. Before it was like everyone else was telling me to turn on a light, but I had no switch.

DON’T:

- Help with hyperfixation. Sometimes I can fixate even worse when I’m on my meds, just because my mind is so single stream that I’m able to do things for even more excessive periods. I burn myself out accidentally a lot quicker if I don’t provide myself with manual distractions to take breaks from daily/academic tasks.

- Immediately fix you. It was hard to start meds because I had to unlearn a lot of habits I had developed to cope with my undiagnosed ADHD— such as constantly moving, stimulating myself, having candy, etc. Just because the day became longer didn’t mean my time management became awesome either. I’m still working on tools that help ADHD with my meds!

- Not really a don’t but more so an unexpected side effect was becoming very intensely angry or upset when the medicine wears off. I struggle with emotional dysfunction already but the anger was so severe and I didn’t know that ADHD meds wearing off can cause that.

- Work 100% all of the time. Some days things like stress, poor sleep, poor diet, etc, can alter the way the same dose of meds works for you. Especially if you are nicotine dependent or a regular caffeine consumer, the way your meds work can change on a day by day basis. Some days I feel like the meds aren’t working at all, but more often than not there’s still a difference between myself being unmedicated and medicated.

- Instantly make you better at studying/task completion. Apparently having ADHD for years made me so extremely avoidant of many things that I just don’t have the skill set to do them well yet. Like studying, for example. I still struggle with extreme perfectionism that impedes me outside of ADHD paralysis.

- I’m gonna say it twice but they DONT FIX YOU ON THEIR OWN. Yes, they make your life fucking way better than before especially if you’re an adult with undiagnosed ADHD, but you have to learn how to use tools and learn skills to support yourself for the medication to help you to the max capability! I will definitely say that being on meds helped overhaul my mindset when I’m off meds and improved my perception of myself, but again, the meds can only get me so far!

I hope this helped anon!!!

Thank you for taking the time to share this! I hope anon sees it 💕

[phoenixplans]

How to Reset Your Productivity After Burnout

Feeling stuck? If burnout has drained your motivation, you’re not alone. Rebuilding your productivity after experiencing complete exhaustion can feel impossible—but I promise, it’s not. I’ve been there. In September 2024, I hit my lowest point.

I was working a job that demanded everything from me—long hours, too many responsibilities, constant stress—while being underpaid and undervalued. At the same time, I was fighting a terrifying cancer diagnosis, enduring treatments that left me in unbearable pain. The weight of it all became too much. My mind and body shut down, and I found myself staring at my computer screen, unable to move forward.

But something changed when I made the decision to start over. Phoenix on Fire was born from that breaking point. It was my way of reclaiming my creativity, my passion, and my self. It wasn’t an overnight transformation, but step by step, I reignited my motivation and built a new way forward.

If you’re feeling lost in the aftermath of burnout, here’s how you can do the same.

Burnout isn’t just feeling “tired”—it’s total mental and physical exhaustion. Before you can rebuild, you need to stop pushing yourself and allow real rest. I had to unlearn the guilt of resting and remind myself: Rest is productive. It’s necessary.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Rest

Try This:

Take a guilt-free break from productivity tools, schedules, and deadlines.

Prioritize deep rest (sleep, light movement, meditation, or just doing nothing).

Set boundaries—say no to anything that drains you further

--

2. Reconnect with What Matters

After burnout, your old goals might feel wrong—or you might not even know what you want anymore. That’s normal. Take time to reflect on what truly excites you. For me, that was reclaiming creativity through design and helping others organize their lives.

Try This:

Journal: What do you miss doing? What used to bring you joy?

Mind Map: Write down interests, passions, and new possibilities.

Reconnect with Your ‘Why’: What motivated you before burnout? What has changed?

--

3. Start Small—Tiny Wins Matter

One of the biggest mistakes I made early on was trying to jump back in at full speed. That only led to frustration. Instead, start small—even the tiniest actions can rebuild momentum.

Try This:

Set a 5-minute timer and work on something you enjoy. Stop when it feels like too much.

Pick one small, low-pressure task to complete each day.

Celebrate small wins—checking one thing off your list is progress!

--

4. Create a New Routine That Works for You

Old productivity systems may not work after burnout. I had to completely redefine how I structured my day to avoid falling back into old habits.

Try This:

Build in flexibility—allow time for rest and creative breaks.

Focus on one priority per day instead of overwhelming to-do lists.

Use a planner or journal to track progress, not just productivity.

(I designed my Flocks of a Feather Planner to help with this—combining self-care, project planning, and creative space to prevent burnout.)

--

5. Protect Your Energy Moving Forward

Recovering from burnout isn’t just about restarting—it’s about not ending up there again. I now protect my energy fiercely: setting boundaries, listening to my body, and refusing to take on more than I can handle.

Try This:

Check in with yourself daily—how are you feeling mentally and physically?

Learn to say no without guilt.

Create a "burnout prevention" plan—list signs of burnout and your action steps to address them early.

--

You Can Rise Again

If you’re in the middle of burnout, I want you to know—this isn’t the end of your story. Just like a phoenix, you can rise from the ashes, stronger and more intentional than before. Start where you are, take small steps, and be kind to yourself.

You’ve got this.

--

Let’s talk—have you ever recovered from burnout? What helped you most? Drop a comment or reblog with your thoughts!

[obaby-me]

Hey, uh feel free to ignore this but, could I have some headcanons on how the brothers react to an MC with really bad depression but it’s hard to spot? Like, they’re a really sweet cinnamon roll and always putting everyone before them and loves talking about anime, books, cats, music, and anything else they like. It’s hard to spot but the more time they spend with them the more the little details show, like how they never finish a meal(pt 1)

Author’s Note: No need to apologize. Really, you just handed me a bunch of starter sentences.

Lucifer

“I’m used to it,” you said with a smile.

There was nothing to smile about.

Lucifer had this whole evening planned out for the two of you. A night out at one of the finest restaurants in the Devildom, a special bottle on reserve for the two of you. He’d been prepared to take you to the skies tonight, to see the meteor shower up close tonight, and have you make wish after wish tonight.

You had been so excited for the shower. You told him of the human custom of wishing upon shooting stars over a month ago and the minute he knew the shower was coming, he made positively sure to clear his schedule for it. And yours as well.

But he’d had to break them. Diavolo had requested his presence on an emergency and he couldn’t say no. You knew that. He knew that.

And when he broke the news, while he knew you’d be understanding, he had expected at least some disappointment, maybe even tears.

He’d been prepared for that.

“The things happen all the time,” you assure him, giving him a smile. “I’ve learned to accept that. Plans are always more likely than not to be cancelled. I’ve learned not to keep such expectations.”

Lucifer felt guilt well up inside him. “My sincere apologies,” he said once again. “I did not realize I had made it such a habit to put you aside like this. I will make it up to you,” he promised.

“Oh, it’s not you,” you told him waving away his concern. “Everyone does it. It’s okay, really!” To emphasize your point, you continued, “One time, for my birthday, we were going to go to this giant indoor waterpark. But mother sort of forgot and took the family car for the day to a friend’s place. We had to cancel.”

And you laughed. You laughed and Lucifer knew that something was deeply wrong. Wrong with the people around you to treat you with such disrespect to put you aside for the most menial and selfish of reasons; and wrong with you to believe it as acceptable.

Lucifer would have to correct that. While in this particular case, because it was an absolute emergency, for the future, he made sure to keep a perfect record: every plan he made, he kept—and always perfectly on time. Nothing but Diavolo emergencies, real emergencies, could deter him. If it meant sleepless nights in preparation, or sending a brother in his stead, he would suffer it. And he made sure each brother kept their promises as well. Punishments became extremely severe should they be late when attending to you or in skipping any plans to you.

You had to know you were worth the time promised to you.

Mammon

“My church always did say I was going to hell,” you chuckled in response to Mammon when he officially, and drunkenly, proclaimed you “one of us!”

“Oh yeah?” He asked, slinging an arm around your neck and giggling drunkenly into you. “What for, troublemaker?”

“For being bi.”

Mammon gave a small snort, and waited for the rest of your list, but apparently, that was the end of your list. Or maybe he missed it. His head was spinning rather terribly. “Is that it?”

“Yes.”

Mammon laughed loudly in response, his grip on your shoulders pulling you to sway with him as the two of you walked towards the House of Lamentation. “Love ain’t a reason to be sent to hell!” What a ridiculous concept. Love wasn’t a sin, in fact, it was a kind of virtue.

You gave him a smile, smaller than you should for a night like this. Did you not believe him?

“Hey,” he said, trying to sound as sober as possible despite his drunken state. He figured it’d help if maybe he stopped walking to do so. “We really don’t judge that here,” he said. “Ya ain’t gotta worry ‘bout that.”

“I know,” you said as you tried to get him moving again.

“No, ya don’t. Ya lookin’ all sad. About bein’ bi. Ya ain’t gotta be sad ‘bout that.”

“I’m not sad that I’m bi,” you clarify.

“Ya look sad,” he insisted.

You giggled slightly in return, and he just knew the words in your brain were something emasculating, like ‘cute.’

“On the contrary, I’m happy. I’m happy you don’t mind.”

Mammon laid his head against you. “Course I don’t. They shouldn’t either.”

“Well, they do.”

“Well, I don’t. And I’m here. And they’re not.”

You gave a small laugh as he blearily babbled on about how he intended to protect you from such people, from such things. You needn’t worry about a thing with him around, he assured you.

Leviathan

“I can relate.”

“To... this?” Levi asked with some surprise, eyes averting from the screen to you cuddled into his side.

You gave a small nod, unexpressive as you watched the protagonist, having lost his match against his rival, defeatedly monologue his own existential crises to the audience. Was all their efforts for nothing? What was the point of trying for more when clearly their dreams would never be realized?

Levi was quiet for a time, watching as the hero wallow in himself, waiting for the inevitable turn around, where the hero finds the answers to his question, finds his inspiration and resolve to keep them going.

But it didn’t come, not by the end of the episode.

Offended, Levi began a tirade of criticisms for regarding the episode, his worries not for the hero despite the context—but rather, for you.

For the next week he searches for anime and manga that center around the same themes, making sure the episodes and chapters that would bring the answers and conclusions necessary were available.

You had to read them.

You had to know.

Satan

“I think I was raised by a cult,” you murmured quietly.

Satan peered over his book at you, the air of silence you two had been enjoying while you read side by side broken by the most unexpected sentence.

He had many questions, but the first to make it out of his mouth was, “what?”

“Sorry,” you apologized quickly for having broken his concentration.

“A cult?” Satan continued, curious as to where this was going. “What kind of cult?”

“I was raised to think I was my dad’s property and that to go against my parents was to go against God.” You explained quietly, embarrassed to be speaking about this topic at all. But you had been the one to bring it up, albeit by accident—your mouth converting thoughts to your external voice rather than internal.

“Not an entirely novel concept for the middle ages. Have to say I’m surprised it’s managed to stick around,” Satan responded with a frown, closing his book carefully, a marker set into place to save it.

“Do you believe that to be true?” He asked.

You shook your head. He felt relief wash over him.

“But sometimes I still feel that, sort of, guilt, you know?”

Satan shifted so that he could get his arms around you, laying himself gently against you. “I imagine it would be difficult a feeling to unlearn.”

You said nothing in return, but quietly put some of your weight against him in acceptance of his affection.

“You don’t belong to anyone. You have every right to your own choices, no matter how your parents feel.” Satan murmured reminders into you. You knew these things, but to hear it felt reassuring.

It became a running theme that when asking you out for a date, Satan would ask or simply surprise you with, “something you’ve always wanted to do that you’re parents would absolutely hate.”

Asmodeus

“My dad’s always saying how fat I am,” you explained as you decline Asmo’s offering of his parfait.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Asmo asked with a tilt of his head.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat across from him and give a small noise that he thought you thought were words, but were entirely unintelligible once it hit the air.

“What was that, darling?”

“I said, I just don’t think I should have any.”

“Are you on a diet?”

“I mean, I should be.” You fidgeted in your seat, refusing to look Asmo in the eye. This was supposed to be a happy occasion: a special date he’d planned for the two of you out on the town trying all the most wonderful trendy treats the season had to offer.

“What do you mean you should be?”

“Well, my dad—“

Your dad, again? Why did his opinion matter to you so much? Especially when that opinion was just so wrong?

“Your dad has no right to say anything about your beautiful body, love!” Asmo protested. “If you want to diet, honey, we can go on one together. But don’t you dare say no to this parfait on account of your dad.”

For the rest of the day, and on into the evening, Asmo laid his compliments thick, and showered you with the attention your lovely body deserves.

Beelzebub

“I’m just not that hungry.”

“You said that at lunch too. And at breakfast.”

It wasn’t entirely unusual for you to skip a meal now and again. Sometimes, you just weren’t hungry after spending two hours snacking on gummies and popcorn in Levi’s room while marathoning TSL. Technically not a meal, but at least you had something in your stomach. Sometimes you were just too focused on a task that you’d forget the time all together.

But today you’d had nothing at all while holed away in your room. The few times he’d passed by, you laid curled on your side, scrolling through your phone.

A growl erupted in the room, and it wasn’t Beel’s. Your stomach was calling you out as a liar—outing you to the Avatar of Hunger incarnate.

“You should eat. I’ll pick something up for you.”

“I’m really not up to eating anything today.”

“Are you ill?”

“No,” you responded, turning your face away, as if ashamed to even look at him.

“You need to eat,” he insisted.

“I don’t want to.”

The question of why didn’t need to be asked. He only need to stare at you expectantly until you’d cave under his gaze.

“I don’t feel well,” you grumbled, contradicting yourself.

“Is it a cold? Satan does say you starve a cold and feed a fever.” He paused a moment. “Or was it the other way around?“ Beel asked himself, trying to recall the last time he and had his brothers had gotten sick. It had been centuries ago. (And it had been a disaster of each one getting sick after the other, passing it around.)

“It’s not that kind of sick.” You mumbled softly. “It’s not a body sick. It’s just... a...” You sunk further into the cocoon of your covers looking miserable. An unusual look for you.

“Sad sick?”

Not quite the way you’d put it, but it was apt enough for youYou didn’t answer. You didn’t have to.

Beel quietly joined you on your bed, wrapping his arms around your comforter wrapped form and tugging you close. He’d feed you later, he’d hug you now.

Belphegor

“My needs don’t matter.”

“They do,” came Belphie’s immediate response—cutting in a way that felt dangerous, frightening: an end to the sentence, to the thought. His eyes were stern and you shivered beneath his gaze, having both been caught off guard by how quick his response had been, and how angry it had been.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered in response, feeling guilty that you had upset him, to have ruined the lovely moment you two had been having.

Arms wrapped around you as Belphie pulled you against him. He shifted from sitting beside you, to wrapping himself around you, trapping you between his legs and his arms. “Don’t say it again. Don’t think it.”

Easier said than done, he knew that. “Belphie, it’s okay—“

“It’s not.”

“I’m sorry,” you said again, an automatic response.

“You matter,” Belphie said, his head dropped into your shoulder and neck as he curled tighter around you. “You matter to me. If you need something, you should ask it. I’ll give it to you. I’d give you everything.”

There was quiet as you thought the statement over. “I just don’t want to be a bothe-“

“You’re not.” Belphie pre-emptively answered. “You could never be. Ask me. Ask anything of me. I gave myself to you, didn’t I?”

You thought yourself so little, so unimportant, but to Belphie you were so significant, so important, so beloved—and to have you not recognize that was as disrespectful to yourself as it was to him.

[libra-araelty]

Hello!

My name is Neo. I am a neurodivergent young adult from the United States.

Neurodivergent, you say?

Yes! Neurodivergent means my brain does not function the same way that a typical human does. However that does not stop me from living a normal, everyday life just like everyone else!

I have Asperger’s Syndrome, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder (MaDD), and Dyscalculia, all diagnosed. It is also highly suspected that i have Bipolar Disorder and Trichotillomania (TTM), suggested to me by people who have either condition.

Being subject to these conditions, I have quite a few struggles in my daily life. I have sensory issues, so things like uncomfortable clothes and strong scents can make it so I’m unable to function at full capacity. If these sensory issues are pushed further and further, I am at risk of going into a sensory overload or a meltdown. That only happens very rarely for me, though.

My attention span is very flaky, and I have a difficult time staying on one topic for long periods of time. I need constant changing stimuli for me to not burn out while on a task. This ironically contributes to hyperfixation, an intense focus on one particular thing for a period of time. I know, that seems like the opposite of what I said before, but they are linked. See, hyperfixation isn’t exactly something that can be forced. When hyperfocusing, I may not be able to take myself out of that particular focus, and it consumes all my thoughts for however long my brain decides to hyperfixate on it. This contributes to my flaky attention span because instead of being able to force myself to focus on something im supposed to be doing, instead the brain goes “no, you’re going to think about this one thing and we’re going to make it very hard for you to focus on anything BUT this one thing. Special Interests (SI’s) follow a similar, yet more intense pattern. SI’s last much longer, if not lifelong for me. Theyre more prominent and effective on my life than my hyperfixations.

This is where MaDD comes into play. MaDD is a condition that can be adopted and unlearned. The DSM doesn’t recognize it as an official disorder, but it is a condition that exists in many people, especially people with attention or anxiety related contitions. MaDD shares a lot of traits with cases of addiction too, however this one is much easier to take control of and is not exactly harmful. The first word, maladaptive, can be broken in half: Mal and Adaptive. Mal means bad or poor, and adaptive means the ability to adapt. Maladaptive Daydreaming basically means daydreaming that causes poor adaptation skills. MaDDers are typically those who have conditions like Autism, AD(H)D, OCD, General Anxiety, and Dyslexia. Most people adopt the technique of Maladaptive Daydreaming in their childhood or early teens and if not caught early on, can last their entire lives. However, MaDD isn’t essentially a harmful thing. Like I said, it’s easily controlled. You may be asking, “what exactly is it about MaDD that causes poor adaptation? its just daydreaming.” MaDDers daydream at an average of 6 hours minimum a day. These daydreams are intense and easily triggered by everyday things like music, art, friends, even normal emotional events. MaDDers tend to use these dreams as an escape from reality but also a reality of their own, like a lucid dream but for your waking self. The daydreams tend to have intricately woven worlds, stories, chracters, and plots, all feeling just as real to the dreamer as the rest of life itself. MaDDers tend to daydream to escape real situations they may not want to be a part of and sometimes even cancel plans just to continue to daydream.

Why are you telling me all of this? This all seems so personal and insignificant to me.

This is FAR from insignificant to anyone. You may not be Autistic or a MaDDer or even neurodivergent, but I know that as a human being you still have lots of struggles, just like me. Ive told you all about my struggles and you’re probably thinking “wow how pathetic, they cant control their own brain.” Yeah actually, I can. Even if you weren’t thinking that, (which I actually highly doubt anyone was thinking that I just wanted to put an example of worst case scenario) what if I told you that no matter what, no matter who you were or what you were going through, you can still grab hold of yourself and make your life yours? You better believe it, because despite all the conditions I just told you I have, I have taught myself to make my own path in life and not let my struggles decide what my fate is. I believe anything is possible with a little patience and elbow grease, so thats why I have made this blog. It is sorta a combination of a journal, an advice blog, and an inspirational quote blog. I want to be able to share my knowledge of my identity and experiences in order to hopefully inspire someone to get up out of the hole theyre stuck in and make their life their own again! I love the conditions I have, and I use their benefits as my superpowers and dont let the negative aspects of them hold me back. They are a part of me and who I am and I will treat them with just as much love and care as I should treat myself, and hopefully you can treat yourself with the same amount of love too <3

With love,

Neo

P.S.

Heres a couple more fun facts about me!

My biggest special interests are Homestuck, Dragons, and literally just identity in general and have been special to me for almost 5 years now

I love music and my favorite artists are Imagine Dragons, Fall Out Boy, OneRepublic, Vance Joy, hi i’m Case, Of Monsters and Men, and Watsky!

I love to draw and play D&D! I love the character creation and I’m currently working on my own campaign

My personality labels are Sun Libra, Moon Sagittarius, Rising Taurus, INTP-T, 5w4, 541, Ravenclaw, Thunderbird, Seer of Heart, Dersian, True Neutral, Blue-Green Paladin, Firebender, and Skywing Elf

If I were a D&D character I’d be a true neutral forest gnome sorcerer sage who wields a katana and raises dragons

My favorite movies are How To Train Your Dragon (1&2), It, Star Wars, and Pete’s Dragon (2016). My favorite shows are The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, The Dragon Prince, Camp Camp, Gravity Falls, Twelve Forever and The Mandalorian

I love making aesthetics and stimboards, my favorite colors are blue violet, cornflower, sapphire, teal, spring green, and bubblegum pink. I love pastel kawaii fashion because of these colors

I either want to become a cartoonist or a counselor as a career, or both and be able to use one to help the other

[northsouth12]

How to actually do goals according to science

Every year I kind of sort of commit to some ~New Year’s Resolutions~ and every year I kind of sort of make progress on them. This year I was diagnosed with depression and that led to me doing a bunch of research on how brains work and working with a therapist (bless them) to learn how to be kinder to myself. 

In 2021 I’m setting goals again, but also approaching my goal setting with a different, more compassionate, and more informed mindset. I think I’ve done a pretty good job of setting myself up for success and I wanted to put it out there a) because I learned public sharing helps with goal achievement and b) in case this information/plan could help anyone else. So if you are also tired of making aspirational lists of all the stuff you’re going to do with nothing to show for it, come on over!

PEOPLE WHO KNOW MORE THAN ME

For quick and easy learning, I recommend the following podcasts/websites, from where I have drawn most of this information:

(1).  VOLITIONAL PSYCHOLOGY with Dr Joseph R Ferrari, Ologies podcast ( 1:05:56, transcript and notes on website). A podcast interview explaining what procrastination is and what we can do about it. Also be nice to yourself.

(2). FEAROLOGY with Mary Poffenroth, Ologies podcast (1:13:49, transcript and notes on website). A podcast interview explaining how stress is equivalent to fear and how to interrupt our body’s stress response to regain our health and sanity.

(3). “Golden Rules of Goal Setting” on MindTools.com. A website covering most of the actually scientifically backed goal setting advice without a lot of life coach BS.

(4). My therapist. Credit where credit is due, they are a godsend. I highly recommend these conductors of light.

BASICS OF GOAL ACHIEVEMENT

For people who hate reading, here are the spark notes. There’s more information and tips in the long version, but I understand that some people put together IKEA furniture without looking at the directions.

Use the SMART method to write goals:

Specific - well defined and clear how to accomplish

Measurable - precise definition of success

Attainable - doable but still challenging

Relevant - aligned with personal values

Time-bound - must have a deadline

Put goals in writing. Use “I will” rather than “I want to” and frame statements positively.

Write down why specifically you want to achieve each goal.

Make an action plan breaking goals into individual steps. Break tasks into smaller and smaller chunks until you get to a place you can make progress. No judgement, just move the bar until you can move forward.

Schedule regular check-ins to evaluate your progress.

Post goals and progress publicly.

Incentivize achievement.

Surround yourself with doers rather than (fellow) procrastinators.

ABOUT SUCCESS AND FAILURE

If you can achieve 80% of your goal, that is success. In fact, happiness peaks at 85% success and 15% failure. People feel happier failing a bit because then their goal feels challenging and worthwhile.

YOU WILL FAIL. It will happen. It is okay. Focus instead on how you will react and grow from your failure.

“Stress” and “fear” are effectively the same thing. Recognize and own your fear; don’t be ashamed of it. It is a natural response. Also, recognizing your stress as a fear response helps you determine the root cause, and then address it, or even use it as a growth opportunity. Successful people freely use the word “fear”.

For many procrastinators, their fear of failure also includes a fear of success. You are afraid to do the work because you are afraid of not being good enough. These people (me) are practicing “social esteem protection” - thinking that if I don’t finish a task, I can attribute it to a lack of effort rather than a lack of ability because it’s a “time management” issue. It’s not. Time management is a myth, and the end result is that you are letting down the same people you want so badly to like you.

Procrastination is a learned behavior, which means that you can unlearn it. The best way is through CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to reprogram your thinking for people who have a persistent issue with procrastination.

Forgive yourself for your failures the way you would forgive other people.

HOW TO SET GOALS STEP-BY-STEP

Sorry this section is long, but it turns out a lot of the keys to success in achieving goals starts with actually writing them properly. Who knew?

Set a deadline. The traditional New Year’s Resolution is supposed to last through the end of the year, but I’ve found that is too long a span. I end up procrastinating because “there’s so much time left” until there’s not and then “it’s too late to start now”..... So now I’m setting my goals seasonally: four sets of three months. My deadline for winter goals is March 21st, the Spring Equinox. As part of my public accounting, I have told everyone this, including a bunch of internet strangers.

Also key for us procrastinators is setting a start date. I gave myself a week to write my goals and make my action plan. I have to keep track of my progress starting Monday.

Determine your priorities and set limits. You cannot do everything, no matter how much you want to (procrastinator, remember?). Looking for layout inspiration on Pinterest I came across so many bujo people with 8 million goals on their page layout. That’s not happening. Remember that your goals are meant to create positive change and a sense of accomplishment, NOT cause more anxiety. So make limits. How do we do this? 

Make a big list of aspirations first. You can do this by identifying your personal values and generating ways to emphasize those more in your life. You can make a list of everything that you’re afraid of (aka causes you stress) and then think about ways to address or confront those fears. For example if getting a bunch of work emails into your personal inbox every weekend ruins your Saturday, aspire to set some work/personal life boundaries! Or maybe you have something you’ve always wanted to do, like learn a language or set time aside for a hobby. Put it on the list.

Now you have to edit the list. You can keep it to refer back to for the next round of goals, but choose out the top priorities for the next three months. To help you do this, refer back to your personal values, or just ask yourself “why do I want to do this?” If the answer is because someone else thinks you should, nix it. This is for you and only you. I originally chose 8 priorities, and then cut it again to 6 aspirations total - keep the plan simple and manageable to set yourself up for success. Remember, 85% success is what we’re aiming for. I also tried to choose a mix of difficulty levels of the individual aspirations (exercising = freaking hard; keeping a gratitude log = pretty easy) so that I might get some early wins and momentum.

I also recommend that at least one priority is just something you know will make you happy. We all need to set aside time and energy for ourselves, and to stop feeling ashamed about doing stuff that makes us happy. What the actual f**k. Choose one thing you love -- reading, baking, petting animals, being outside -- and make it an official goal to do it more often. NO JUDGMENT.

Okay, now to format your priorities into achievable goals. You are going to take each one of those aspirations and put it into an “I will” statement with a quantifiable definition of success. For example, my aspiration to “sleep more” became “I will follow a bedtime routine for 21 days straight.” You want to make sure your statement is framed positively (rather than “I will not eat junk food”, try “I will eat healthier snacks”). Also think again about making your goal challenging but achievable. I did not write “I will sleep 6 hours a night” because I can’t control that. I chose 21 days straight as my success measure because I anticipate I’ll fall off the horse a few times before I get a successful streak, and three weeks would be good progress for me. Another thing you can do is use ranges like “I will pick up 1 - 5 items in my room each day.” This is a bit of a mind game where the low end of the range is easily achievable so you have no excuse not to do it. Often once you get started, you might find that you have energy for 5 items after all.

Now that you have your goalposts set up, write down those “whys” you thought about when you were choosing them. Recording why you want to do this specifically is helpful for your motivation as time passes and further clarifies your goal.

As we’ve learned, accountability helps! For each of your goals, write down how you will share your progress. I’ve asked different people to check in with me about my sleep and exercise routines. I’m reporting about my ongoing issues with procrastinating on my schoolwork to my therapist each week. For my goal to read more books, I’m posting a picture of each book I finish on my Instagram. And for my goals to keep a gratitude log and consume news in a healthier way, I’ve decided I can hold myself accountable. In addition, I’m using my journal to keep track of my progress towards all six goals.

Set a reward for each goal. This could be anything from a pack of your favorite chocolates for completing an easy goal to giving yourself permission to buy that sweater you’ve really wanted for achieving a super challenging goal. I am also trying out having bonus rewards such as a small reward for an 11-day streak on my sleep goal to give me a push of momentum. For my hardest/most important goal I also decided to do a “stretch goal” like with Kickstarter where I get a reward for overachieving. So maybe I went a little reward crazy, but we’ll see how it goes!

Finally, for each goal write down the actions you’ll need to take to achieve it. For me this is stuff like “draft a bedtime routine and share it” and under that, I plan to research by “listen to somnology podcasts” and “read sleep solution book”.

HOW TO MAKE PROGRESS

Whew, you made it through writing the goals and now you are set up for success! Here’s a few more tips to keep things moving.

Now that you’ve got your goals all set up, share them with the world! (Or at least the people you’ve decided to help keep you accountable). Sharing goals and progress publicly is proven to increase our likelihood to achieve them.

If you’re a journaler, make a nice goals layout and a tracker for your progress. I did not find good examples for achieving goals in a scientific way when I looked for inspiration on Pinterest. If there is a journaler out there who read all the way to the end of this post and made a nice layout, please share your artistry. My “layout” is just a list. :/

Surround yourself with doers. If you have trouble motivating yourself (me), ask a friend to pair up with you. I am doing a remote master’s degree. It is not going well. However, setting up a regular Zoom “work date” with a friend who is currently working from home has forced me to sit down and look at my schoolwork on a regular basis.

Schedule regular check ins to evaluate your progress and write them down! I have a combination of check-ins with my “accountants” as well as a plan to review my goal progress every Sunday when I plan my week. This is written on my to-do list on each Sunday to make sure I do it.

Go forth and conquer! And remember, failure is a fact of life and does not make you a bad person. It just means you are learning more about how to set your goals for next time!

[geneshaven]

A King Of Heroes

Now that Arrow has reached its zenith, this is my homage to a show that captured me with so many hours and weeks and years of action/adventure, of family and fandom, of love and the power that it brings. Watching the show all these years was like being entrenched with a lover I could not get enough of. I know this story, these characters, and this endgame. I’ve never written fantasy before, at least not in the ‘once upon a time’ narrative. I started this project three years ago, just before the beginning of Season 5. But I became daunted by the task of writing about Oliver and Felicity’s genesis, the events that brought them together and made them superheroes. It seemed too vast and I felt the narrative would not be strong enough to tell the story. So, I put it aside and stored what I had already written on my computer. But it would not go away, like being haunted by voices that finally led me back to my computer to have another look.

 Chapter 1

 Once Upon A Time…

…there was a young man born into wealth and privilege. He was a Prince in a city called Starling, ruled by corruption and travesty. He moved through the realm of this kingdom, assuming that anything and everything he needed or wanted was his by royal right. His parents, part of the hierarchy who ruled the city, were grooming their son to be an heir, to one day ascend the family throne and do great things.

Life was good for the young Prince. Apart from having the love and financial support of his parents, he also lavished adoration on his younger sister, Thea. At this time in his life, and really unbeknownst to him, she gave our unlearned Prince lessons of how to love and care for and protect someone other than himself. They had a connection that bonded them, that pulled them together through all the complicated business dealings and the choices their parents made to ensure the continued growth and survival of the family empire.

To be sure, the young Prince was not always a beacon of admiration. He did not set an example that would inspire other people in the realm. He did have an abundance of acquaintances, but most of those who did come into his orbit was not overly impressed by the shallow, self-centered way he granted them an audience. His motivation to adopt these people into his life was not out of any need to forge life-long relationships. He did not need them to fill the avenues in his life that brought loneliness and a requirement for acceptance. His wealth and privilege gave him that, like an antidote to the sickness of his indifferent soul. There wasn’t really anything these people could give that he had already amassed for himself as if he was buying and selling commodities. Anything and everything came easily and he didn’t have to put out any effort to earn it. He already had all he wanted the moment he was pulled from his mother’s womb and out into a golden world.

There needs to be mentioned here two people who did and would play important roles in our young Prince’s life. One, Tommy Meryln, was like himself, a Prince of the realm in business and industry, a man who started his close friendship with our hero when they were children. This best friend was fathered by a man suffering a sociopathic loss of a cherished wife, murdered in the streets like a simple commoner. That action would have a grave outcome and cause more damage and misery, not just for his son who grew up in the shadows of loss his father created, but for the whole city as well.

The other person in our hero’s early life was the beautiful daughter of a Law enforcer; Laurel. She grew into a woman in love with the young Prince. She envisioned a life with him and the hope that he wanted and needed her in the same way.

These three friends created a triangle that would follow them into their adult lives with unimagined consequences.

*

Life rolled on for our hero.  It was a life of bright lights and expensive pleasures. Drinking and partying and living in the fast lane became his identity. His reputation propelled him into many short-term liaisons. Women appreciated his rugged good looks, his unlimited capacity to impress upon them a brief taste and desire for the good life, no matter if it was an illusion. He would sway them into his debauchery and naked passions, taking them deep into the night.

He could have stepped out of that illusion and have something real with Laurel, but it wasn’t enough for our Prince. He wanted and needed more stimuli, a self-appreciating pace to his life that would fill him with a satiation not to be given by just one person. Because of his personality, he often strayed from normalcy and felt he could only garner what he truly needed through his wealth and privilege.

So he hurt people on an emotional level, unaware that it was not normal to do so. He used them to fill the parts of himself that were immature and callous. Our young Prince saw that things and people in his life were nothing more than bright, shiny baubles. He could not fathom that they might be able to lift him above his vain and selfish persona and make him realize it wasn’t a weakness of character to love and need and be supportive. He could be giving and also be given to.

So, one night, before our hero’s life would be altered in ways he could not imagine, he met yet another commoner amid the swirling lights and music of a nightclub. She was a raven-haired beauty called Samantha, and the Prince gravitated towards her like she was something to be conquered. He used charm and guile as his weapons, and she saw and felt the excitement he exuded. This woman was captivated and captured, and she left with the Prince for a night of sex and false passion. It was a one-time affair, and when it was over, the Prince left a seed of himself behind, setting off a chain of events that would later come back to both gratify and haunt him.

The young Prince did not know what he had wrought that night. Along with his mother’s help, he dismissed any potential complications and continued on with his privileged life. Laurel furthered his distress by suggesting they try living together, that she would be the one to ground his reckless life. Our Prince became alarmed at that kind of commitment and gave her false hopes by telling her he would consider it. She clung to that and was willing to wait for him to resolve his uncertainty.

A few weeks later, he finally made a choice. His father was taking the family yacht on a journey and the Prince took it as an opportunity to avoid his “girlfriend” and her suggestions. On what would turn out to be a bombshell that would blow up two families, the Prince had been secretly seeing Laurel’s sister, Sara. He took her on the voyage with him. The yacht pulled away from the dock. They set a course, for him and everyone on board, which would become legend.

Our brash, young Prince’s real life was about to begin…

@it-was-a-red-heeler @memcjo @hope-for-olicity @swordandarrow @icannotbelieveiamhere @cruzrogue

[winning-the-inner-game-of-m-blog]

Winning The Inner Game of Money - Review & Opinions

Living a life under financial crisis is worse than anything. Take me as a not-so-long-ago student, for example: when you are done with your education, the most annoying thing is the loan of your education that you are going to pay for rest of your life! With all these stresses, one can only imagine the dream of living a successful and luxurious life would remain a dream forever. 

This is the bitter reality but not for everyone as there are few examples of the most successful people who in their teenage were at the same point at which you may be today, but they did not quit their dreams: instead, they learned the tricks to bring ultimate extravagance to their life by just controlling their nerves and improving the power of their brains.

The person I am referring here more specifically is John Assaraf who was just a normal teenager when he gave a proper direction to his strengths and now he is happy to teach others about how to put a stop to their suffering and bring financial stability into their lives.

First things first: What Is The Inner Game of Money?

Let me first introduce John Assaraf. He is a researcher in neuroscience and has an extensive experience of 10 years along with hands on modern technology and the developmental psychology. He has the key to trigger the switch of your brain and set it to a higher level in financial aspect.

In order to bring unending abundance to your life, you do not need to work hard! You have to change your beliefs, your emotions, habits and perceptions. Most importantly you need to learn the technique of doing work without any effort. Our brain has a lot of potential and our schools do not focus on what brains are actually designed to do.

At the completion of Winning the Inner Game of Money, you would feel yourself more energetic and more focused towards your financial goals and the study loans would not be a problem for you as your earning capacity will be increased by more than 200%!

Have you seen well educated people struggling for the basics?

I have seen. Yes, a lot of people around the world with proper education and a good family background are now struggling hard to live their lives properly. This is because there mind is made for something different and they are put in the wrong direction. In order to get eventual financial success you should train your mind to do what it is made for and not what it is previously trained to do.

Is it really possible what John Assaraf claims?

This is not an easy task to do and it will take time to accomplish this but what if I say something on this Earth is present that can change your mind in a few months? This looks insane but -from my research - this is true. I am going to share my personal experiences.

My personal story with Winning The Inner Game of Money

With winning the inner game of money, I became able to remove the emotional and psychological hindrances which were not letting me do any kind of productive work.

 I was working like 9 to 5 with zero motivation and was living a below average life. 

This product actually changed my beliefs and released my mental stress, took me to a level where now I am earning 210% of what I used to earn monthly just a year back.

What is included?

The course is a 12 month training program with additional bonuses. I will discuss the bonuses at the end with price. It will take around a year to complete the training of your brain and open the doors of vital success and only then the real worth of this course will be known. Let us see the breakdown of these 12 ultra-successful training programs first.

Level 1: in this level, you will be able to understand the money thingy. In order to earn more money you first need to understand its real importance and how it controls everything in the world. Happiness cannot be bought through money, that is true but on a very logical note have you ever thought of living happily without enough money? Yes, money is definitely important.

 Level 2: With the understandings developed in the level 1, you will be able to increase the positivity about money and you brain will be open towards money attraction.

Level 3: this is the first stage of accomplishment. Here your mind will start to think about the potential actions it could take to increase the money game

 Level 4: In this level, it is taught to unlearn the bad beliefs that were stored in your mind. To learn something new, the most important thing towards it is to unlearn the already learnt wrong things.

 Level 5: At this level, you are unstoppable now. A lot of techniques would be taught on controlling the mind and keeping it towards the positive direction.

 Level 6: this deals with polishing your creativity. Creativity is inside and bringing it out is the real task. Each of us is creative, the only problem is that most of us have depressed it somewhere very deep inside.

Level 7: It is not difficult to think about an idea. The actual thing is to execute the idea. Here you will understand the hindrances that are in your sub-conscious which are not letting you move fast towards the glory

Level 8: After basic brain training, here starts a deeper one. Continuous refinement is required to keep the brain at the right track.

Level 9: this deals with how to remove lazy hours of your life. You need to buckle up and speed up the activities to ensure that you achieve your objective quickly.

Level 10: 6 advanced strategies are taught which have a direct relation to your emotions, thoughts and beliefs.

 Level 11: this deals with increasing the potential. Every person on this earth has a potential. All what is needed is to bring that potential out and this is exactly what this course is designed to do.

Level 12: this will ensure the vital financial success.

Well, this is just a summary of what you will learn. After going through all the levels I believe that my brain has improved itself in these aspects:

·       Retrained for higher achievements

·       Deleted the lethargic aspects and all the negativity inside

·       Started to think I am in the group of people who are winning the game!

·       Now it discards the obstacles automatically

·       Discovered the actual purpose of my life

What about the price?

The price of this multi-millionaire course should be in thousands but the lucky side is that it is just available at a discounted price of $995 with a lot of bonuses which will otherwise cost your $16,182.

Additional bonuses included with Winning The Inner Game of Money:

·       6 months access to Million dollar success training library

·       6 months access to daily coaching from John Assaraf and Mark waldman

·       Bonus training course on how to do more in less time

·       Bonus training course of five pillars to financial success

·       Daily VIP group coaching on making an instant purchase decision

·       Pay the full amount for course and get the art and science of financial success

·       Live interactive training for whole 12 months

[jackalopingintothevoid]

Observing Holidays Part 2

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 TBA

On the shortest day of the year, for the first time in John’s memory, Mochou and Changming had started their day at the same time. He’d had to switch up his coffee making and rush to get Changming’s done for him, though luckily Alouette’s wouldn’t be late, and Sampoorna was already off-planet on her way to see her cousins.

Normally, Changming came out later, apparently sifting through the messages and comments made in response to the team’s Chatternet vids each morning. He never had anything definitive from anyone, but he kept cheerful and promised John that if he had anyone out there, he’d find them.

The continued failure didn’t give him much hope.

(Would he be able to tell, if he saw his family or friends again? Would they recognise him, or was he different now than he was before? Could he look his own mother in the eye and not know her? Was he even wanted... ?)

Soon, John told himself, he would investigate the responses himself. He would not let the fear of his own brokenness paralyse him.

This morning, however, the kitchen was alive. It wasn’t at all unusual for Mochou to be cooking first thing in the morning, but she wasn’t making jianbing or stuffed buns for breakfast today-- she was taking the extra stir-fried mincemeat from the night before and cooking it on a low heat with what John recalled was bean paste. She’d also put on a pot of noodles to boil, and Changming had started thinly slicing cucumber and carrot as well.

Hesitating, John stepped closer, peering over Mochou’s shoulder without actually encroaching on her physical space.

“That’s new.”

She still jumped, like she’d forgotten he was there. “Ó! John!” Pressing a hand to her chest, she giggled to vent the adrenaline.

He grimaced apologetically, but Changming was laughing and Mochou waved it off anyhow.

“En, yes! Yes, this is zhá jiàng miàn for ma and ba.”

“Our parents,” Changming clarified, “offerings at our altar. They both loved it the best.”

It was then that the memory clicked; Sampoorna had mentioned the winter solstice as a day of importance. Was this why? Was it a day to honour the lost?

“Can I help?” If he could, he would. He wanted to. But if not, if it was personal, then he would stand aside. He didn’t remember, but he understood.

An excited noise sounded from Mochou. “Omelette! I showed you how to make an omelette, remember? Could you make a plain one for slicing?”

John felt a slight tug at the corners of his mouth, not the first little smile he’d found creeping up of its own volition. “Only one way to find out.”

Changming grinned, setting aside the chopping knife. “Thank you! It means a lot.” This time, he didn’t just pat John’s arm, but squeezed it, and John became acutely, uncomfortably aware that this was the first touch he’d received since yesterday.

He’d dreamed something last night, something that slipped away as he woke like all his dreams did, but left him with a hollow ache in his chest and a grasping want for company. At least when his dreams invoked a heart-pounding terror, he woke in safety. Waking up so lonely... Tenzin helped, but his voice was stilted and artificial, his conversation topics limited. As human as he appeared, Tenzin wasn’t a Smart AI. He was static, unlearning code, a set of complex algorithms without any real formulation of self. The realisation that the person he felt most comfortable talking to wasn’t a person at all had caused an unsettled feeling in John’s gut, but even if Tenzin had been Smart it wouldn’t have helped the ache. AIs could do a myriad of wonderful things, but they couldn’t touch.

Damn it, he’d had no trouble ignoring it until now. Changming’s gentle touch would have felt like such a gift just a day before, but now it wasn’t enough. His chest still ached and he still felt separate from them (he didn’t belong), and now it had a taste his skin greedily demanded more. More hands, more warmth, more touch. More, more, more! Why couldn’t he just be content with what he was given? Why was he being so selfish today?

He half expected (half hoped) Mochou would see the moment of contact and add her own as well, but it came and went without her attention. It was odd that she hadn’t offered any physical affection yet, and the absence left him bereft. Enough, he told himself firmly, they’re busy and you should be too. Perhaps it would help him push aside the craving.

It didn’t. John kept to his task and performed it well, but it wasn’t exactly strenuous and his mind kept wandering. More than once he found himself watching the Guan siblings as they cooked, chatting and laughing easily, with a tight feeling pressing on the ache and making it hard to breathe. The pressure made his body tense, made him want to squeeze the handle of the pan until it bent and snapped under his strength.

Setting the omelette near Changming to signal it was done, John couldn’t pretend that this wasn’t causing a problem. He needed something more challenging to focus on. But first, there was more coffee to make.

Part of John wanted to help with the decorating the group was doing. It was very pretty, he supposed, all glittery things and twinkling lights, but there wasn’t any obvious gap he could fill and he’d slow them down with his lack of knowledge anyway. They did their work efficiently and John’s clueless blundering wasn’t needed.

(A taut knot in his chest. Prickling heat behind his eyes. He clenched his fists and stifled the unwanted urge to tear down the pointless pretty things.)

Instead, John made himself a cup of tea and retreated to his quarters to research Christmas.

It wasn’t as nice as the tea Changming made. He’d poured too much water so there wasn’t enough milk, and though he’d stirred in some sugar the sweetness was faint and the aftertaste was bitter. He should have asked Tenzin how it was done. It didn’t really matter; it was warm and wet, that was enough.

Still, John couldn’t focus. There was so much information at the room’s terminal, two thousand years of history and traditions and anecdotes relating to Christmas, and it all just stared back at him meaningless and flat, until it blurred into fuzzy smudges.

He kept thinking about the embrace in the hallway after the failed shopping trip, the comfort Mochou had sought to give him. The way she’d wrapped herself around him on that first day when he was weak and sick, how secure he’d felt as his sore body relaxed in her arms. Waking from unwitting naps with her pressed into his side. He thought, too, of Sampoorna and her massages, how perfunctory it seemed whenever she took his hands in hers, like it was a perfectly normal thing to do. She’d come up behind him once and taken hold of his shoulders, but he’d sharply pulled away on reflex. She hadn’t done it again, but now he found himself fantasising about what might happen if she did, trying to imagine what it would feel like to have Sampoorna’s thumbs rubbing firm circles into the muscles of his upper back. He couldn’t, but if he could it wouldn’t help. He knew what being held felt like, but imagining that just filled him with a sharp longing.

With a frustrated sigh, John pushed away from the terminal and stood, pressing his fingers against the heat behind his eyes. He had to figure out some way of circumventing this... whatever was wrong with him. He glanced about the room, as if something within it held the answer, only to find that it might well do.

Crossing to the bed in two long strides, John scooped up the quilt and shook it out, before wrapping it lengthwise around his shoulders and settling back down again. It was cool to the touch now, but in a few minutes it would be warm around him and he was sure that it would bring the comfortable feeling he needed to assuage himself. It had to. He didn’t know what else to do.

It was a relief to open the window. The kitchen was like a sauna, but at last all the dumplings were done.

It had been a very, very busy day so far. Neither she or Changming had realised until the night before, but all of the dumpling ingredients should have been bought by Alouette... which she hadn’t, because John had been overwhelmed in the store.

Which wasn’t to blame John at all! Mochou thought he was terribly brave, really, but he was still being very hard on himself. Still, it meant they’d both had to start early. Making food and drink for ma and ba’s altar was time-consuming in and of itself, and then there was joss sticks and greetings and prayers, more than their usual daily offerings. Today was a special day, after all.

After that, it was shopping, then the bickering had started about what was going in the dumplings. That stretched the trip out anyway, and then Changming had asked what kind of dumplings John would like, and they both realised that the man himself probably didn’t know, so they doubled back and bought a bit of everything-- and then a bit more, for John’s appetite.

A quick lunch, and then they were back in the kitchen. Dumplings and dumplings and dumplings they’d made, labouring together for the evening’s meal. There was always at least one point in the hours of prepping, steaming, assembling and boiling where Mochou demanded to know why the two of them kept doing this to themselves, and by now her brother just rolled his eyes. She knew why.

But now it was done, and Mochou was looking forward to spending the rest of Dōngzhì with her family.

As everyone came together, complimenting the food with all the usual enthusiasm, Mochou found they were one short.

“En... where’s John? You didn’t leave him decorating when dinner’s ready, did you?”

Riley frowned. “He hasn’t been decorating, I don’t think. Least I’ve not seen him, not since coffee o’ clock. In all honesty, I thought he was with you.”

“What? No, I haven’t seen him since this morning either.”

“Well, bollocks. Anyone else?”

Alouette shook her head. “The same as you, I think. This morning’s coffee, then nothing.”

“Yeah, same. Me and Mochou were busy anyway making zhá jiàng miàn.”

“Did he even come out for lunch?” Fiona asked. John was always there when food was available. If he hadn’t been seen at lunchtime then...

“Wait,” Davis chimed in, “none of us have seen John all day... and no one thought to check on him?”

There was a guilty silence.

“... We’re bad people.”

Worry twisted Mochou’s stomach. “I’ll check his room.”

John hadn’t intended to get back into bed. But he found he kept trying to pull his knees up to his chest, and he was simply too large for that to work in the desk chair. So here he was, folded up and cocooned in the warm quilt, watching vids of people celebrating on Christmas morning.

He’d picked one at random, since reading seemed to be a fruitless endeavour, in the hope that more to process would help stimulate his brain. Instead he found himself mournfully watching happy families and carefree children opening gifts from people who loved them, regularly having to pause and look away. He had no idea why he was doing this to himself. It just made him feel worse, all of it, especially since the more he saw the more familiar it all was. He wasn’t lying to Sampoorna when he said he didn’t celebrate Christmas, but he was starting to realise that he used to.

He could still picture the face of the woman he’d dreamed about. His mother. He was certain she was his mother, but his image of her was a woman Fiona’s age or younger, and in his dreams of her he was a very small child. He was decades older now, and probably dwarfed that young woman. In all likelihood, his mother died that young, one of the countless casualties of the Covenant’s genocidal campaign.

The only person from his life that he remembered, and John would never see her again.

Did they have a tree, a lifetime ago? Stockings for presents from the mythical Father Christmas, special seasonal cookies and songs? Chocolate for breakfast and turkey for dinner? Did he believe in God, once, in the miracle of Christ’s birth?

(He didn’t now. If someone knew the Human-Covenant war and all that entailed was going to happen and had the power to stop it but didn’t... that wasn’t the kind of person John could put any faith in.)

Even in the face of the familiar, all he had was questions.

And then there was a knock on the door.

“John?” It was Mochou, and his stomach lurched. “Can I come in?”

“Yes.” Taking the earphones out, he heard his own voice was more of a croak, and he became abruptly aware of how thirsty he was.

The door slowly swung open, and the smell of food wafting in made ravenous hunger join the thirst. How long had he been in here...?

“Hello.” Mochou said gently. “You okay in there? No one’s seen you all day.”

John swallowed and licked his dry lips, ignoring his sore throat to answer. “I’ve been researching.” He gestured slightly with the COM pad in his hand and remembered he was bundled. He must have looked ridiculous.

But she came into the room with concern on her face, trying to smile all the same, and perched on the bed next to him. Close to him. He swallowed again.

“You’ve been researching a long time. It’s dinner now. Do you want to come eat with us? It’s a family thing, all eating together for Dōngzhì. You don’t have to, though, if you’re not feeling up to it.”

But John nodded before she’d even finished. “I’ll come.”

For a moment, it looked like Mochou was going to get up and leave again, but she paused... he couldn’t keep up with what his insides were doing in response, twisting and lurching. He just wanted the dizzying feelings to stop.

Trying to shake himself out of the miserable stupor that had wasted an entire day, John shrugged off the quilt and swung his legs off the bed, immediately feeling the comparative chill of the air after basking in his own insulated heat for hours. He ignored it. Dinner would be hot.

Mochou stood easily (silently he cursed his knees), then turned and held out her hand.

Was she... going to try and pull him up? Hesitating, John took it.

And sighed. Felt his shoulders slump. He tightened his grip on the tiny hand just slightly and squeezed his eyes shut.

“John...” She sounded so sad. He lifted his head and opened his eyes again, just in time for her to climb into his lap and kneel there-- then pull his face into her neck. “Have you been in here by yourself all lonely? I’m sorry, John. Someone should have come to see if you were okay.”

She let go of his hand to wrap that arm around his shoulder, the other still cupping the back of his head. For a second, he couldn’t react; then he hugged back, pressing her firmly against him, content to keep hiding his face.

(The press of her skin against his own was... it was so much. He’d been craving this all day and instead of having to pull himself together and pretend he was fine... she was giving it to him. Just like that.)

(it’s okay if you’re not okay)

“Kěli��n de dōngxī... ” Mochou’s fingers started gently combing through his hair, and the combination of the soft pads of her fingers and the gentle scrape of her nails across his scalp made his whole body turn to pudding. A soft, low sound slipped out, and he squeezed her a little tighter as he tried to stay upright.

“Ó John, I’m sorry. You’re never gonna be in trouble for wanting to spend time with us, okay? And if you ever need a hug, just ask.” She was tracing patterns on his back, then she was scratching a little, and he shivered at the intensity of it. It was such a change from the distress that stole the day, and his voice rumbled in his chest without form or intent.

(it’s okay if you’re not okay)

“Or, if... if asking with words is too hard, you could gesture for a hug? If you open your arms, or something like that, then I’ll give you a hug right away! And I’ll never be mad at you or tell you not to, I promise.”

I promise.

John nodded into Mochou’s neck. It was okay to ask. He had permission to seek... this. She’d promised. She’d promised.

It would be hard to believe, if they weren’t entangled. He’d have happily stayed there forever, but there were footfalls in the hallway.

“Oh... oh dear. What’s the matter then, love?” Riley. Riley coming in, their tone warm, the bed dipping slightly as they sat down next to him. Another noise left him as Riley’s hand started rubbing firm, brisk circles on his lower back. It was so good, it all felt so good.

And then his stomach made a frankly embarrassing noise.

“Oh no!” Mochou sounded so upset that John felt guilty. “Oh no, you’ve been in here all day! You must be starving! Ó, I’m glad I made lots...”

He didn’t want her to wriggle off of his lap and pull away, he really didn’t, but Riley hadn’t stopped and he couldn’t hold either of them hostage.

“Oh, poor John.” Riley cooed. “Come along and have dinner with all of us. We’re gonna sit on the sofa together and watch the Wolf Warrior movies. They’re Chinese, and really bloody old, but it’s Mouse and Mingle’s day so I hope you like subtitles!”

They couldn’t quite fit everyone on the sofa, but John didn’t mind. Mochou had clambered into his lap again, with Changming pressed tightly against one side of him and Riley on the other, their arm wrapped around his own. Alouette regularly reached over and patted him on the knee for no real reason that he could find other than that she wanted to. He felt warm and full (not just full of dumplings either, though John certainly ate plenty of those) and the ache was gone. He felt secure and relaxed, and after he’d finally eaten and drunk his fill Mochou started stroking his hair again, just because.

Between Wolf Warrior 2 and Wolf Warrior 3, Changming piped up. “It was a nice bright day out today. Which means it’s probably gonna be raining on the Lunar New Year. So no fireworks!”

There were groans and grumbles from everyone else on the couch, but John was a happy lump of mush covered in friends, so what was there to grumble about? He didn’t much like fireworks anyway.

[pallavikale]

Benefits of joining an Audio School

This is a very common question that I come across and simply put the answer is, “It Depends”

There are a lot of good Audio Engineering Programs out there that impart some really high-quality education to students. But that being said there are a lot of factors to look at when making a decision about joining an Audio Engineering Program or Audio School

1. Structured Learning

The internet has been a game-changer in providing people with easy access to information and it has become very easy for someone to look up a certain thing and learn it through these mediums, but there’s a big catch with this. There’s so much information so readily available that it gets extremely hard to sift through the piles of incomplete/incorrect information out there.

The lack of a proper structure to any form of learning can leave some major holes out that may take years of unlearning to correct. Apart from all of this, usually in a course, students are given tasks every week that they are expected to complete in the given time frame to be able to pass the course. Without having these structured learning systems in place, it may get very difficult for a novice to understand where to start and what to learn first.

2. Building a Portfolio

The Audio Engineering and Music Production industry is primarily a service-based industry that hires people based on their skills, experience, and quality of work they produce. We encourage students who join the course to use their time here to build a solid body of work, by using the 4 studios in our facility. Here the students can work on projects from Live Band recordings all the way to doing surround mixes for films.

The stronger a student’s profile the better chance they have of bagging a full-time work opportunity after completing the course. Most of our students have been able to get placement in various organizations, just on the merit of their work profile.

All of the things above are in favor of joining an audio school and be that as it may, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to go to an audio school to become an Audio Engineer. Going to a good school may just help speed up the process of learning and save you many years of time that you may have to spend doing this learning by yourself.

3. Quick Feedback System

Everyone has heard of the 10,000-hour rule, that if you spend 10,000 hours of your time on doing one specific thing you can achieve mastery over it. The thing that is important to take from this is the feedback system of how we as humans learn. Whenever we take up something new to learn, we come across a lot of challenges and issues that we face, be it challenging math problems or completing a mix. Along this path, we make countless mistakes and as we adapt and learn from these mistakes, we get better every time we face a similar challenge. In order for this to work you need to make these mistakes, learn from them and move on to the next project.

The upside of enrolling in a course is that you have access to an experienced faculty that can guide you through these mistakes and make you aware of them, since most of the time we don’t even know the mistakes we are making. This learning process can be extremely powerful and I have personally seen a lot of students excel tremendously when they put their learning into practice.

[backstage-bucknell]

Important Lessons I Learned in College

by Catherine MacKay ‘21

Once upon a time there was a little Catherine auditioning for Merit weekend who had no idea how much she would learn and grow in college :)

Throughout the past year, I have been reconnecting with a lot of people from my life pre-Bucknell. I think COVID has really instilled in me the importance of checking in with people whether that be emailing people gifs of virtual hugs or sending text messages asking for a “vibe check”. So over the past few months I’ve been following my impulses, reaching out to some friends I have lost touch with over the years. Some are from high school, community theatre, elementary school, and it has been so nostalgic and heartwarming to reminisce about our shared memories. We have had moments where we exclaim “Oh my gosh you are literally the same it’s like nothing has changed!” and there have also been moments where we embrace and celebrate the incredible growth we have all experienced. Today, I celebrate that I am made up of both who I used to be and who I have become. Throughout my four years at Bucknell, I have been surrounded by wonderful, brilliant people who have challenged me and inspired me to become the very best version of myself. I have learned so much as a student, artist, and human. I want to reflect on just a few of the important lessons I have learned throughout my time here. 

1. Asking for help is a sign of strength and it is not an inconvenience to anyone. 

As a Junior Fellow my sophomore year, I always encouraged my students to talk to their professors when they were overwhelmed and struggling to complete an assignment. It was easy for me to encourage them to ask for an extension or to set up a meeting to discuss what they were having trouble with. The worst they could say is no right?! And for some reason, I had trouble taking my own advice. There were a few times when I knew something was in the way of me completing an assignment and I wouldn’t communicate that to my professors. Instead I would procrastinate the assignment to the last minute and not feel great about the final product. People care about you and they want to support you if you let them. And in this case, if you approach your professors early on and communicate what is going on, I guarantee they will be willing to work through it with you. Professors want you to get something out of their class and they want to see you do your best work. 

2. True friendship means taking turns lifting each other up. 

I used to view friendship and relationships as always needing to be balanced and equal. If someone does something for me, I need to do something for them in return to show how much I appreciate them. And I never held anyone I was friends with to this standard, it was just something I imposed upon myself from a young age. If someone was there for me when I was going through something, I would feel extremely guilty when I didn’t have the capacity to support them back. True friendship means taking turns lifting each other up.  With true friendship there is no need to quantify the gestures you offer each other. You know in your heart that you have each other’s back and will always do your very best to support each other. There are times when you are going to be going through something and your friend will put in more effort than you in order to lift you up and that is okay. You know that with their love and support you will heal and be ready to be by their side the next time they go through something. A true friend listens, helps you with self-love, holds you accountable, pushes you to be the best version of yourself, and overall is just present. They are there on your team through thick and thin. 

3. You do not always have to give everything 100%.

Like friendships and relationships, you do not have to give everything 100%. Life is so wonderfully chaotic and daunting. There are always going to be a hundred tasks to do. There are always going to be people who want you and need you. You are going to have to pick and choose where you put your energy all while remembering to prioritize saving energy for yourself. There are days when you can only give school 60%, your after school activities 30%, and yourself 10% and that is okay. There are days when you will choose to give yourself  50% and split your remaining energy between the rest of your demanding schedule and that is okay. Give yourself permission to give yourself 100% one day. Take that Saturday and watch all the Netflix you want or whatever you like to do for self care. Your best is enough and if you balance your energy every day, I believe you ultimately will be able to give everything 100%. 

4. It is okay to start a project and not finish it.

I don’t know if this is an actual term but I always joke that I identify as a “completionist”. In high school, I would have my to-do list every day and would not go to bed until every item was completed and checked off the list. Every assignment I started needed to begin and end on that day. If I had a spare hour during the day and I did not feel like I could complete the assignment within that hour, I would save it until I had more time in the evening because it would drive me nuts to leave something unfinished. Was I able to maintain this mindset and process in college? Absolutely not! Again, you are going to be pulled in so many different directions and involved in so many things that it is simply not possible to complete everything in a day. I had to learn to set a time in the evening where I would call it quits for the night and then continue the assignment in the morning. Unlearning this mindset and process was frustrating and hard, but I am so much better off for it. 

Even this semester, I am still learning and practicing this lesson. Last year before COVID, I had proposed an Honors Thesis and 319 project for my senior year. In my proposal, I outlined a timeline for myself and everything I was going to deliver. Throughout the past year, I had this recurring feeling that the requirements I set for myself were not working for me. I kept trying to force myself to meet them, but a lot has changed in the past year and so had my ability to follow through on expectations I set for myself pre-COVID. In conversations with my professors, I learned that it is okay to start and project and not finish it, and also, it is okay to start a project and adjust it so that it works better for me. This was so freeing and completely changed my motivation and approach to my project. 

5. Say no but also say yes. 

We talk a lot about the importance of saying no so you don’t stretch yourself thin. However, I want to talk about the importance of saying yes, too. My four years here at Bucknell have flown by. There are moments in my freshmen year that both feel distant and feel like they were yesterday. We all know the calculations of how many hours of homework you should expect to do per number of class hours. We all know how crazy and impossible those expectations really are. So I want to remind you to say yes to those moments that will bring you joy. You will always have deadlines on your shoulders, but you won’t always have these precious moments here in this beautiful place together. Say yes to going on a walk with your friends at 12am. Say yes to going in on a late night Domino’s order. Say yes to doing homework on the quad even though you are more productive in your room. Say yes to going to 7th Street Cafe for a milkshake. These are the moments you will want to remember when you leave here. Homework? Grades? Of course they are important but so is making memories and your own personal growth. Turning in an assignment a bit late or receiving one bad grade is not the end of the world. One day you will look back and see how far you have come from the stressors of college. If you say yes, these friendships and memories will fuel you as you move onto the next chapter of your life. You are more than capable of figuring it out and making it all work. 

Sending all of the hugs.

With love from a nostalgic senior,

Catherine MacKay

[creativemorningsdublin-blog]

Meet our Musician: ROE

Meet our Musician: ROE

Our musician for the month of April is ROE. Devastatingly sincere and relatable, ROE is a songwriter that pours her heart into every word that she writes. Her work spills truths from her own life, and from speculations on the planet on which we exist. Hailing from Derry, NI, ROE left college before finishing to travel the world playing festivals and to focus on writing songs that felt real. Her 2020 EP ‘Things We Don’t Talk About’ saw ROE cross 1 million streams on Spotify and is the culmination of 4 years of relentless writing, releasing and touring as a completely independent artist.

We sat down with ROE to talk about all things creative.

What does our monthly theme of procrastination mean to you? Procrastination is, for me, taking time away from something that you love just to make it better. I'm one for procrastinating all the time and then whenever I finally sit down to do something it works out really well because I've taken that time away. People perceive it as a negative thing, but I think that having that time is important.

What do you find most challenging about the creative process?

Probably the hardest thing for me is actually taking the time to sit down and write and keep going with this thing that I love. This is my career but also, it's therapy for me; sitting down and writing and knowing that it's good for my head. So whenever I procrastinate I know that I'm procrastinating because I can feel it in my brain.

You've quite a close-knit team, I love that you guys are all friends and that's such a big part of who you are as an artist. So is the solo time where it's just you in your room, writing, is that where you find committing to doing that most difficult?

Yeah because there's nobody there to push you on to do it, you’re literally relying on yourself to do this thing and you know that it's going to take maybe an hour or whatever. And I’ve started this technique where you put a timer on your phone for 15 minutes to do something and that's been very helpful. I know that it's only a tiny section of time that I have to do the task for and then you end up doing it for far longer because you're really into it.

But whenever I have the team around me, I feel the buzz. Whenever they’re around you and everybody is kind of gearing towards the same goal really. It brings you out of your shell as well, because when you're having the craic with people and you're all thinking about the same thing and they’re all like-minded and just want to get the best out of everything that you do. Especially whenever it’s my own stuff, because everything I write is written by me and it's kind of my baby, so it's nice having people around that make you kind of think that OK, I'm an actual professional musician. And they're just there to support you the whole way and I love that.

Is there any experience in particular that you've been reminiscing about? You know those moments that you live in?

Yeah, we were on tour just before lockdown happened up here. Literally just got back home in time and we had the show down in Dublin in Whelan’s Main Room and before that, we'd sold out upstairs and that night was just insane, and it was crazy because we were literally on stage and then we had to go back home up to Derry.

It was just a complete rush the whole night and it was just the best craic and I miss the connection with people. I miss the whole buzz after the show and just talking to people after the show and just chatting to people about their own experiences.

This whole point in life just feels so surreal because everybody’s taken a pause in everything that they do, especially in the creative sector and it's one of those professions that are really tied into your personal life as well. We were chatting about how like most of my friends, if not all of my friends, are involved in the music scene or the creative scene in some way. And I miss that being at a show with them so much and I miss just the thrill of being on stage and being able to perform my songs with people.

Do you think that mental health is the main message in your songs that will keep cropping up and is what’s really important to you or are there other themes that you’ve started to bring into your writing over the past year?

For me, writing is really personal. It's kind of like a diary, a scary diary, but I use writing as a form of therapy, so everything that I write is very much linked to my mental health and the things that I go through, and people really close to me go through. And it’s a way of getting these thoughts out of my head without having to talk about it because I am the worst person, as much as I sing about it, I'm really bad at talking about my mental health and actually opening up to people.

So I think if I can do that in a way that helps other people as well as it helps me. That's the aim for me. You know it's just to connect with people and have a little bit of hope because all of these songs that I write, they might have really sad topics behind them or themes behind them, but I get to do what I love because of them. I get to connect with people, I get to talk to people and get to make friendships and it came from all of these mental health songs that I've written about. It makes me realise how important it is to talk about these things, especially if you have the strength to.

I still get terrified before I go on stage because I know that I'm pouring my heart out on stage in front of all these people and I have no idea how it's going to go each night, but it's really important to me to keep spreading that message of: It's OK to have mental health issues. Everybody has some form of mental health issues. Nobody is perfect and it feels like a very human thing to communicate. I don't understand why there's such a stigma around it.

How do you feel about the narrative that if you write music, you don’t need therapy, that the music is therapy and is cathartic?

I think if you need help, get help. Your music isn't going to suffer because your mental health is getting better, and I think that's really important for people to understand.

There's this narrative of a tortured artist and you have to be suffering to make good art, and there's no logic in that. There's no reason why you can't better your mental health and feel happier and still write really good songs.

If you need help, get help. Your music isn't more important than your own mental state.

This year loads of people have been learning new coping mechanisms… are there any rituals that you do before stage or daily?

It's something that I'm working on. I've been reading into it a lot more. There's this book called Sound Advice that I've absolutely been loving and it's about creating rituals, especially with your bandmates, because you need a connection before you go on stage, that's why people play ball games or silly word games before they go on stage, to get that connection and bring the best onto the stage.

But before all this, I definitely took maybe 5 minutes before I went on stage and just didn't talk to anybody. I'd kind of take the time for myself because of the nature of the songs. I had to be in the right mindset to go sing them before, without breaking down onstage.

It's talked about all the time, how exercise helps your brain, and so I've started running and doing yoga a lot more and not for any physical benefits. But just because I know that it's going to help me in the long term and my brain.

What habits do you think you've had to unlearn over the last few years?

Finding my voice was difficult. We're in the middle of recording my album and this time I've taken the reins a little bit and realise that I like having a hand in everything in every aspect of my music. So, I'm definitely a lot more assertive than what I was, maybe three or four years ago whenever I was just starting out. And it is something that you learn – that you have a voice. And you're allowed to use it, even if you're young.

Some of the youngest people in this industry are the ones with the most inspirational ideas.

Always remember that you have a voice and you're allowed to have that creative expression and guide your own music like it's your music, so don't let anybody else take charge of it.

You put up a post recently saying that you were really excited about your new tunes and how they were really different... in what way are you excited about them being different?

They’re very true to what the songs are about. It’s shown in my writing how I’ve evolved as an artist. Practice makes everything better, so I'm really proud of these songs and I'm really excited about them. The whole mental health thing has carried over a whole lot and I'm glad that it has and I don't think I'll ever step away from talking about things like that.

There's been so much talk about how the music industry needs to step up, and I think it's really important to talk about these things ... what do you wish people knew about being a musician that isn't always visible or obvious?

All of the hours that go into and everything that goes into behind the music. Whenever people hear your music, it's a finished product. It's all shiny and bright and they don't realise how much has gone into the thought, the artwork or the production or the videos and all that aspect of it as well.

I think it's really hard to see music as a nine to five because you always end up coming up with ideas and the best ideas that I have always come at like two in the morning whenever I'm going to sleep, and I have to roll over and write them in my notes app or else I won't remember them in the morning.

Is there anything else you would say about your new tunes?

I’m being very mysterious at the minute! We’re working away trying to get everything done for my debut album and it’s the first time that I've had so much space to sit with every aspect of a project without shows in between. I want it to be something special to me and I think putting in the time into it is making that real.

What do you hope for the music industry going forward, what changes would you want to see?

That it’s more of a gender-neutral environment, especially when it comes to radio because I think everybody has seen the disparity when it comes to Irish radio at the minute. I want to see more opportunities for women in the music industry that aren't token, that you're not the only woman on the line-up.

Also more transparency. There’s a lack of transparency when it comes to a lot of the industry stuff and I know my manager, Liam, he's been great at the minute because he's started this Instagram page all about the industry and everything you need to know about labels, publishers. Everybody seems to keep to themselves and I wish that there was less of this competitive nature. There's room for everybody to get the opportunities that they deserve and there shouldn't be this need to be better than somebody, because we're all in this.

I want it to feel like more of a community than competition. I feel like if there was a worldwide community of musicians and everybody in the music industry was helping each other, that would be the day.

I think if it was more accessible and more open to young artists, people wouldn't be as scared or feel as if they need somebody else to know all this stuff. They wouldn't be taken advantage of. There needs to be more education when it comes to that, especially when it comes to the younger artists.

---

You can check out ROE's music here.

[moodmaroon]

Fall in love with the discipline of commitment.

Hmm...? Today is a rather lazy day. Thinking about all the activities left pending. I have been feeling low on energy lately. That has set aside a lot of tasks, what should have been priorities. I haven’t been taking care of my own self also lately.  Well, committing to myself has been a challenge. A big one. Not Sure what has kept me from doing the real things. Anyway, the following priorities should always be on TOP: 1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF Come, what, may - take care of yourself. Always! Wether it is taking time off work, resting, taking a nap, investing time to do your nails, a long shower, listening to music in shower - anything! Do what makes you happy and brings you back to the reality of your surroundings. Be mindful of what you are eating, drinking, sleeping hours. Take charge of your relaxation and happiness. Manage your time well. These are REAL THINGS THAT NEED TO BE PRIORITIZED. I haven’t been committed to myself for a long time now. I plan to do so starting TODAY. Take my medicine on time, sleep earlier and get some time in hand before I actually wake up - to plan my day and meditate. It will hopefully help me to FEEL better and get the cycle rolling well. 2. FOCUS ON IMPORTANT THINGS Showing up to work everyday on time, well dressed is important - FOCUS on that! A little exercise to reduce that belly fat is important - FOCUS on that. We tend to over exert ourselves so much at work, that we think that the rest of the day should only leisure. But thats wrong and will not help you for the long-term. Instead, put in your hours dedicatedly, and then move on to more important things for the day - like exercising, meditation, house chores etc. Organize your tasks - wether at home or work and make sure to not get distracted.

3. PLAN & COMMIT Commit to doing atleast one thing to do daily without fail. Wether its a hobby that you enjoy, a creative activity, an exercise routine, cooking - it has to be done with utmost commitment. This will help in building a routine which will maintain the balance of things and help you mind to remain steady. Habits if developed wisely, will give the best results. 4. LEARN, UNLEARN AND RELEARN Learn newer ways of doing old things, If you like to listen to music, listen to it on your headphones, or play some music in shower one day. This will keep the joy of the activity alive and spread through happiness that you receive to more than one activities. If you like to exercise, incorporate new exercises to your daily routine and see if you feel a difference. If certain things that don’t give you happiness anymore - drop it, miss it for a few days and see the difference. Its ok to evolve and change your older ways of things, if they don’t serve you right anymore. Similarly, rediscover your old passion or habits that used make you feel a particular way. Life is all about changes.

Your commitment to yourself will pay off. 

[firjii]

Chapters: 1/1

Words: 1,311

Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Fenris/Female Hawke Characters: Fenris, f!hawke Additional Tags: nervous Fenris, touch-starved, touch phobic, supportive Hawke, cuddles (sort of?), hugs, embraces, light angst, happy ending (sort of?) Summary: Secretly hoping for a certain simple yet profound gesture but also too skittish to ask it of Hawke, Fenris is surprised by Hawke's straightforward suggestion - one whose nature and timing both terrify and thrill him.

A 3-hour exercise and also my third Fenris fic in this vein (hmmmm......). Plain text version under the cut.

She grins – not expectantly, not demandingly, but only a grin. Hers, the one that he has never seen the likes of among the thousands of other faces he’s encountered.

She murmurs the question again, but the words blur together in his ears. He heard her the first time. The hearth is some yards away and only has a mild fire set in it, but he sweats as intensely as a stuck pig, even on this far side of the room. He swallows. He tries to speak, but the word sticks in his throat almost before he can begin vocalizing it.

With the same effort it takes to maneuver his sword in combat, he nods. A ghost of a smile almost surfaces for an instant. Isn’t this what he wanted? Isn’t this what he tried to ask dozens of times? Of course. It’s only that it still comes sooner than he thought – too soon.

But he refuses to turn away. He won’t let his fear rule him this time. The moment is now, not then – not the past, and not…not that. He is his own master now – but sometimes, that means taking a risk. This shouldn’t be a risk. He knows that. But still, it is one.

She reaches a hand out – again, an offer, not a demand. He braces himself for the irritated nerve endings that the touch might induce, but he doesn’t hesitate. He laces his fingers between hers, still remembering that moment some weeks past and the two times since then.  

They walk towards the hearth, their steps synchronized. She sits first, leaning against the leg of a musty armchair. He lets go of her hand, the distance to the floor suddenly a year’s march through Tevinter wastelands. She looks up at him and the distance is bridged, the ugly thought no more vivid than breathing. She reaches for a cushion on the chair and places it on the floor next to her with a dull thump. He swallows again. She pats it.

His lanky legs fold neatly under him as he glides down. He leans against the chair. How should he lean back? What should he do with his hands? He blinks. What nonsense. His shoulders nonetheless crumple into tense readiness. This – this is not what he’d prepared himself for. Perhaps he hadn’t prepared at all.

She watches him. She soon cocks her head. He doesn’t need to look at her. He feels her eyes on him. But instead of speaking, she laughs: a gentle rumble of a chuckle from deep within her ribs, the thing he’s heard some Fereldans call a “belly laugh.” The noise surprises him. He’s heard her snicker before now, perhaps even cackle drunkenly now and then, but this is different. This is – contentment?

The sounds that escape her throat draw his eyes onto her. Again, her smile is simply that: a smile. She stills herself to an unusual degree, a most distinctive gesture. This is Hawke, after all. The dull light from the hearth casts a halo around her head and alters her weathered, almost swarthy complexion, simultaneously casting an inviting glow and adding another layer of unfathomable pondering to her expression. Time has not treated her well. She does not yet have thirty years to her name, but there is weariness underneath her spastic humor and energetic diplomacy.

He can change that, if only for a moment. He can change that as much as she can change him, if only for a moment. She knows this as well as he does. Perhaps it’s even the reason why she suggested the idea.

Neither asking nor invading, she leans into his shoulder, just enough to put weight against his rotator cup but not so deeply that she can’t crane her neck upward to look at him. She reaches around him, her arms as short as they are muscular. She barely manages it. He leans into her a little to make the stretch easier. Her free hand joins the first. He soon does the same.

He sighs – but no more or less than a sigh. Perhaps this isn’t as difficult as he presumed. He rests his head on hers and closes his eyes. His smile returns, not only for an instant this time. His face begins to move in earnest. His stilted arms transform into an embrace – not a plea, not an apology, not an appeasement. Only closeness. Hawke has taught him well, even if he cannot always remember such a lesson.

But then it happens. His brow crinkles a fraction – and then much more than a fraction. He stifles a groan enough to turn it into a toneless hum of pensiveness. He wrenches his eyes open, and the interruption is more disruptive than the pain it brings with it.

Waves come over him – not lust, not fear. Something else. At first, he only fights the instinct to flinch away. The reflex is impossible to unlearn, but at least it has become easier to notice – and if he can notice it sooner, he can push himself past it. This ache is different, because he chooses it. It only registers externally as a slight twitch through an arm.

But then the other instinct comes, and that one is harder to fight: the one that drives him to summon the lyrium in his skin. She can’t know. He won’t show her that. It’s wrong. It’s another reflex honed too well from years of necessity and need. It was a logical reaction in another world. He’d even welcomed it at times – the sooner he could bring it forth, the sooner the task was finished. If it had to be done, better that it was done cleanly and quickly. It was useful – for hate, for bloody justice, for killing, maybe even for release of a sort.

But this, here with Hawke, is not something to be taken lightly – and even if the voice in his mind is still only a whisper, it is telling him that he shouldn’t be too eager to rush it. He cannot hope to feel like a free man if he lets himself believe that a hasty gesture here and there will be enough to undo the past. And it wouldn’t be what she wanted, either. No one asks this of someone else if they only seek to rush beyond it to the next moment.

And the moment is long – so long. Too long. Not long enough.

He shakes, and yet he refuses to let her go. He trembles as a child does when alone in the depths of nightfall, and yet he is not alone. He swallows, much more labored than before. The movement is sufficiently noticeable that Hawke picks her head up. She separates her hands and holds his face. She touches her forehead to his. He closes his eyes again, shaking all the while. “It’s alright,” she murmurs smoothly. “It’s alright.”

This time, the words swim in a blur but rise above the water like crisp beams of light. He listens for their clarity. He listens for his guide. She repeats the phrase several more times, each instance gradually more distinct until he hears it as a lone shout against the murky befuddlement he is so accustomed to.

“It’s alright.” Her mutter resonates and echoes through his skull with all the power of a master’s command. But she is not a master, and this is no command. She is a savior, and this is – an unfettering?

His shaking dulls after a time. His hands still tremble and twitch, but his arms are steadfast around her, both protector and protected. “I know,” he whispers. Despite the stinging and burning coursing through the skin on every limb – and despite the steep price of this indulgent whim – he refuses to let go.

He grins, fledgling joy outweighing the jitters of his chin. “I know.”

[lovelyirony]

The Creation of a Friend. (Dum-E it’s you, you absolute garbage piece.)

Tony Stark was at MIT with at least three, maybe two goals: 1.) Be better than Justin freaking Hammer. (Not hard, just awesome to do. He looks like an ass-hat.) 2.) Build something no one else had ever successfully attempted simply because he could. 3.) Find a friend. (This one was harder than convincing Howard to look at some of his accomplishments, but whatever. It was fine.) So Tony was set for college. His parent(s) (Jarvis and Anna) cried when he went away. Maria told her bridge club group that she cried, when she did not. Well, not over him. She cried because she nearly lost an Oscar de la Renta piece, but that doesn’t really matter. 

College is going great. People don’t bother him, and he still gets good grades in class despite not being there all the time. Unlike what Jarvis told him, he’s not the only one to not show up. Genius takes precedence over attendance, hello. Only about two professors hate him, and that’s because they’re not super-smart math and science teachers. One is some English freak and the other...Tony doesn’t really remember what the other is named. 

He accomplishes number one on his checklist the moment that he arrives at MIT. Justin got in as well, but he’s not in the brand new dorms. He also joined a frat house, so Tony knows that he has the one-up. (Who joins a frat house and doesn’t regret it instantly?) 

Number two is semi-accomplished. He has a robot he’s been working on for his space, mainly to pick up his coffee cup and maybe hold stuff against the wall while Tony creates Pure Genius. He figures that with Artificial Intelligence, the robot will learn to anticipate certain tasks. The only problem is that Tony doesn’t have a lot to go on, and mainly has to create AI from scratch. 

When he goes to the library to avoid even looking at Hammer for more than two seconds, he meets a guy who says his name is James Rhodes, everyone calls him Jim, and if Tony could move out of the way of the medical section, he’s trying to figure out which artery to cut to absolutely murder his roommate. 

“Carotid bleeds quickly, but I’m no expert,” Tony says. “Give me the Eleven-Oh-One on my your roommate is a terrible person, I want to see why they need to be murdered.” James Rhodes gives him an incredulous look. 

“Did you mean ‘One-Oh-One,’ dude?” 

“Probably, I’m running on negative twelve hours of sleep. Hey, wanna go back to my place and hash it out? I have rum and sandwich meat in the fridge. Note: don’t mix them together.” James Rhodes agrees. 

He gets his nickname thirty minutes later after they forego the alcohol because James Rhodes realizes that Tony Stark, the Tony Stark, asked him to hang. Oddly enough, he’s not freaked about this. Tony still has crap opinions about music. (Motorhead is not a good band nor has it ever been. At least he only tolerates Motley Crue.) 

“Listen, Rhodey-Bear, your roommate sucks,” Tony says. “He shaves his legs at three in the morning, and only then, and he uses a record player and blasts the band Boston for about an hour. I have, like, the biggest dorm room ever. Just move in with me. As long as you don’t mind me waking you up at four in the morning for experiments and also showing you probably-classified-government material.” 

“Can you hack the government and have them pay for my college education, theoretically?” 

“Dude, I so can.” 

“Then I could literally care less about anything as long as I know you could help me get away with murder. Tomorrow, you’re helping me lift a couch that I got out of a thrift store for three dollars. I think it might have cocaine in it.” (The couch did not have coke in it; however, it did become the Lab Couch, mysterious stains and all.) 

A friend and technology come together on a Friday when everyone else is out for sports games and it’s fall but screw it, Rhodey decided to rent Beverly Hills Cop and ignore the fact that he has a paper due tomorrow about characteristics of Jane Eyre, or whatever. (Rhodey was a good student, but he didn’t need to know about Jane Eyre to be in the Air Force.) 

“Hey sweetcheeks,” he yells at Tony. “What if you gave your robot a personality?” It’s a question to distract Rhodey from his paper and for Tony to argue and then pay for Chinese. 

“Rhodey, not often do I call you a genius, but I just decided what I’m going to do to piss Howard off. I’m gonna invent something before him.” 

Dum-E is born after Tony gets frustrated with coding not working, approximately seven minutes and forty-five seconds of watching Eddie Murphy perform with Rhodey, and alcohol. 

He’s defective. His arm swings and crushes a priceless Modern Art piece that mom had picked out at an auction. Tony hides it and puts up a new piece, a Rembrandt or something. Hell if he can recognize it. 

But, he’s Artificial Intelligence. He learned how to make smoothies, but he can’t seem to unlearn the fact that antifreeze does NOT go in smoothies. (You can thank Justin inviting himself in and Rhodey muttering the suggestion for that.) 

Tony got two friends in college, both were made. One just didn’t know that he didn’t look the best in bright green. (And it wasn’t the one who put antifreeze in smoothies.) 

[reveltumbles]

Balancing Relationships with Loved Ones and Yourself

I’ve come to realise that women in their 20s and 30s tend to be incredibly busy: not only because they’re busy managing their careers and their family lives, but because they have so many commitments to many people outside of these aspects of lives. They’re usually taking care of their parents, their siblings, their partners, and their kids, before checking in with their friends: all while balancing a working life and other professional facets of their careers.

This causes us to neglect ourselves; we end up ignoring arguably the most important person in our lives. Moreover, the societal expectations make it very difficult for us to have a loving relationship with ourselves: messages of “you can be better” and “there’s something lacking” constantly bombard us, creating an overwhelmingly cold and frigid environment for us to develop love for ourselves. Combine this hostility with the time we fail to allocate to ourselves, and you have a recipe for disaster. When we don’t feel great about ourselves, and yet, are unable to rectify these feelings due to a lack of time, it feels like there’s no way out; that we just aren’t meant to be the best versions of ourselves.

Here, I urge you to make time for yourselves. It can be difficult for some, especially if you tend to put yourself second in your list of your priorities. Putting ourselves first can give rise to feelings of guilt and selfishness in some, but confronting these feelings is important: why do you feel guilty for putting yourself first? Why does being selfish feel inherently bad? These questions have no definite answer. Some of us grow up to put others first, but fail to understand that putting others first doesn’t require us to neglect ourselves. Some do it unknowingly. So here’s my encouragement: don’t hesitate to say, “it’s okay to be selfish” to yourself when need be. At times, we need to give ourselves some time. It’s difficult, for sure, when we are brought up with familial and career-driven values, but awareness of your self is essential in long-term self-care.

How can you do that, then? How do you ensure that you set aside some time for yourself without feeling like you’re forgoing important commitments or responsibilities?

1. Be Kind to Yourself

Set goals for yourself. Set short-term and long-term goals and work for them, but don’t let them drown you or restrict you. Often, in our goal-driven mindsets, we forget to be kind to ourselves. At the end of the day, we are all human, and we need to be easy on ourselves. Some days, we are ultra-productive, and on others we’re a little slow. A little delayed and a little tired. On these days put your rest as a priority. If you’re feeling tired of working then maybe you need a short break — a true break, where you completely ignore work — before you get back to it. Your productivity levels are bound to go up. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with the expectations of those around you, take a breather. Text your family and your friend that you’re taking some time for yourself, and that perhaps you’ll be uncontactable for a few hours. Take this time to focus on yourself. Catch a movie you’ve been meaning to watch, or go to that donut shop you’ve been wanting to patronise. When you’ve spent time on yourself and on the sentiment of feeling okay and stable, you’ll be able to be more receptive to those around you.

2. Let Go of Perfectionism

Ouch, this one is painful. I get that. It’s really difficult, and even I struggle with this. Here’s the thing: perfectionism and mental health issues (like depression and anxiety) are correlated. That’s not to say that perfectionism will definitely lead you to have mental health issues, or that mental health issue will make you perfectionism worse, but it’s that if you tend to have both, one is bound to make the other worse.

Letting go of perfectionism requires a huge shift in your attitude and acceptance of yourself, and is linked to being kind to yourself. If you’re kind to yourself, you’ll understand that imperfections happen, that they’re part of us. Letting go of that little voice telling you to make every thing absolutely perfect requires a systemic and consistent reminder to yourself to unlearn this behaviour, and re-learn self-compassion. Instead of devoting your days to a never-ending list of to-dos done with specific precision, understand that some tasks require less effort from you, or can be pushed to another day. It takes conscious effort and a lot of time to overcome the notion of harsh perfectionism, but accepting ourselves — every single part of ourselves — is part of loving ourselves.

3. Assign Time to Yourself

It doesn’t have to be a great deal of time. Be it 20 minutes every day, or 2 hours weekly, be strict in scheduling time for yourself. Spend this time doing whatever you’d like: going for a walk, attending a class, lazing around and watching your favourite show. I think we grow up to have a mindset that equates down-time to laziness. If you’re sitting around, not getting the 17 things on your to-do list done then what are you doing with your day? Intrinsically, this is pretty unhealthy and causes a strain on our mental and physical health. So take this time and spend it with yourself.

A calm you equals to a calm life, and with a calmer life, you’ll be able to bring and give more to the people around you. Just remember that sometimes you need to take before you’re able to give unconditionally. Never forget that you’re worth your love and time!

source https://revel.sg/apt84/balancing-relationships-with-loved-ones-and-yourself