#i never post art here anymore and i feel bad abt it so have this!

[hevvinly]

holli would if she could

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

[artistotel]

i have so much both sfw and nsfw fanart that ive never posted bc the fear of FREAKS is so rampant on here that i just take a look at my sketchdumps, go like "what problematic thing would people find about this and then make my life be annoying" and go like not worth it

sry to all fans of shows and ships that would like to see it but this site is absolutely showing its ass; the latest wave of active and agressive transmisogyny is really showing how fucking weaponized anti-sex sentiment of this site is, how fast it devolves into literal weapons of hate. im not transfem, my life and existence would not be endangered by annoying people in my inbox, but i have no wish to deal w that either if i dont have to. the absolute vitriol and agression ive seen transfem mutuals face for "FREAKS N DEGENERATES N PEDOPHILES" accusations legit has me stumped.

i dont care abt notes and shit or being like "yOuRe MaKiNg ArTiStS sToP pOsTiNg", ill just keep my drawings between me and my girlfriend, as ive done for months now. i feel bad because me and her send each other fanart by other artists, and i feel sad knowing that they might as well not post that art, the same way i dont. but i genuinely have no nerves or patience or wish to post anything in this vitriolic environment. "transmisogyny affects everyone!" is a disingenous statement to make, its self-centered to say it, but it does in a proxy way. i am not a victim of it, and i do not dare compare me being briefly annoyed on the interwebs with trans women getting their private fucking data outed for having a haha funny side url and fbi called on them, but it sure does have a part of a reason as to why i dont post much anymore. especially since my own sister is transfem.

so keep cultivating that bigotry and keep being silent bc 'it doesnt concern you' - because yeah, it does affect everything around you, the entire society.

so there, in case you wondered why i dont post as much, this is the reason. there is also a serious health situation im going through, but my lack of wish to post fanart has been going on for longer than that

[krmzyn]

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

~ Hii!! Welcome to my blog <3

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

I’m Salem, but feel free to call me any of my DRselves names!

This blog is mostly for me to focus on shifting, though LOA/manifesting and lucid dreaming have also been pretty high up there for me atm!

I’m completely fine with any questions from anyone (shifters, non-shifters, even antis), just please be respectful. This inculudes questions about my first shift, but I prefer not to talk about it, but I might answer some 💟 (please send asks i love answering questions /lh)

Note: I’m formatting this on mobile and am pretty new to tumblr so. i literally have no clue what im doing 😇

Double note: This is gonna be like. the only formatted post on my page. I absolutely cba and most of my posts r probably just gonna be like. shitposting 😚

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

About me!

Again, hi, I’m Salem, but you lot can call me any of my DR names <3

They/Them pronouns, I don’t care too much about them though

I’m chronically British 🧍‍♂️ Also genetically a little Irish 😇 (also bst/gmt timezone 😚)

I crawled here from Tiktok. I use wayyy too much tiktok slang 😚 I also rlly appreciate tone tags being used!

15, Scorpio & audhd!

Genuinely a little stupid. Just a lil bit.

I also do art!! Idk if I’ll really post it here but. yah 💟

I have pretty bad social anxiety and general anxiety issues, so I don’t really socialise online that much <3

Likes & Dislikes!

I LOVE cats with my entire soul <33 Also honestly animals in general.

I hate mint. Its just sososoo eww 😇

I like the sciences 😚 (biology >>> chemistry > physics. fight me /j)

I really don’t like step ladders 😭 I’m stood there wobbling like a dog on a cat tower I just can’t with them

I love candles n incense a lot!! I have this adorable little tea light holder that’s like a little tree with birds and these little cages for the tea lights and I just ADORE it smsmsmm <3

I hate walking around barefoot 😭 Like idm the idea of it but its just like. u never know whats been on those floors >:( Also carpets feel ew

I like rambling about my drs and random stuffs I like 😇

I don’t like bacon. The little fat bits are all stringy and its just sososo bleh

I love a bunch of the ‘cringe’ kid roblox games. Like adopt me (bc collecting just makes me feel mwah) and royale high (mostly for christmas atp bc. I have feelings abt it 😇) and pet sim, also others. I shiny hunt on pokemon ultra moon as well! (I have a grudge against shiny lugia but i love it /lh)

(I was trying to do a like-dislike kinda pattern but iii cant think of anymore dislikes shshh) I like doing legos and oragami occasionally! I just enjoy being able to do stuff with my hands 😚

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

My DRs (in order. maybe.)

Note: NONE of my DRs have traumatic or violent events. Any with that stuff as main plot points has either been altered or is some kind of AU. Made that mistake once, not making it again <3

- CoD (COD SHIFTERS PLEASE R U GUYS THERE?? 😭)

- Altered OR

- ATSV

- FNAF

- Demon Slayer / KNY

- Pokémon

- Rick & Morty

- SCP

- Backrooms

- MHA (mixed on it atm)

- Supernatural (considering & trynna figure out some kinda au 🧍‍♂️)

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

My current manifestations!

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

That’s about it!! Ty for reading and I hope you guys enjoy my posts 😚

-Love, Sal <3

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

Last shift: ~2021 Shifted 1x

Last ‘minishift’: ? Minishifted ~3x

Last lucid dream: ? Lucid dreamed 1x

[xxamacha-tsukixx]

why I joined tumblr (full story)

TW VENT

I had been bullied since a young age when I went to middle school I kinda became mentally insane there when I was there ppl would always bully me cuz of my looks,”weird things” and I do stuff that are “weird to them” I had very few friends and they ended up bullying me physically(mostly mentally tho) (dw they dnt hurt me just push me ,throw things at me and stuff) I never went to a counselor or got mental help because my parents are pretty strict and they get mad at me for the smallest things and ever since I told my parents why _ they would get mad at me which made me not tell them stuff anymore and I matter what I do they always manage to find out (one time when I was 9 I had two friends who were jealous to who which one is my bff and we went to a counselor and stuff and my parents found out and blamed it on me saying I was the one jealous ever since that when I do something “wrong” my parents would always blame me but one day I just had this thought if I became famous maybe people would accept me and why I chose gacha as my passion is because 1. I’m not good at art and I refuse to be one of those cringe kids to make rly cringe vids lol 2. I heard of it when I was 8(cuz of fnaf lol) my parents made leave the internet game I had acces to gacha and stuff when I was 9 but when I got my phone I rediscovered it:D but first I needed ocs after that I kinda just forgot abt that but during winter break I wanted to make art for fun and fame but I’m not good so I tried to do a anime art generator(I didn’t realized it was wrong until the future lol) but then I discovered picrews I did my first one and it was fun I wanted to make my friends as certain characters as human wolves cuz I got interested in wolves lol then I found more picrews so I did the same thing for them lol but then I found out abt this anime dress up game(forgot the name lol) so I did it for them and that’s when I got their names I was going to do fancy words for their colors but I did it but I used it in japanese since I was interested in anime recently now I got my ocs I recreated them in gacha and I made a few vids for fun meanwhile at school the ppl there still bullied me and I was pissed for the last time so I started social media to take another step I didn’t wanted to get payed on YouTube so I didn’t do that for a while so I did Pinterest instead but I couldn’t figure out how to make posts or videos so I tried to find substitutes and turns out tumblr was one of them so quickly created an account and got started one day my friend told the ppl abt my tumblr and they tricked me (I was dumb lol) to asking me my tumblr user and they saw it and they bullied me for being a gacha person since but that didn’t stopped me as I progressed, made recent posts, tried to make my ocs look better, edit better and have good vids and here I am today as I will take my next big step soon

And with the bullying thing I left that school and got a fresh start on a new school it’s only a little bad but the ppl have no idea abt my interest on gacha(except for a few ppl but they support me) but I feel bad for leaving my bff the only one there who loved gacha just as I do but I am mean towards some people there because it’s hard to trust certain people cuz they remind me of my bullies which made me have trust issues

[roykiller07]

crappy art dump bc i feel the need 2 establish me and my friendy's ocs on this platform bc im probs gonna end up posting about them a lot and i love them and i will make everybody on earth love them also

open for sillies :3

darleneee!!!!!!! my silly this drawing does not do her justice but she is a 13 yr old lesbian (she/her) and 🔥suthern. she is thr coolest oc i have ever had any part in creating and her lore consumes my mind daily and i am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure containing myself from infodumping abt her and the rest of them all the time until the comic my bestie and me r making w them starts coming out but im posting this oc stuff here on purpose to motivate myself to actually draw it by summer so u guys will not be safe for long. shes a virgo 💖

starria delaunchey my sweetie pie her design has actually developed a lot since this piece she has completely different hair now and all sorts of stuff i mean i dont think she even plays hockey anymore but the essence remains the same 💗she is ALSO a 13 yr old lesbian (she/they) and she and darlene r in a long term loving relationship so get ur starlene fanart started asap pwease and thank yew. if im gonna list the zodiac signs for all of them then starria is an aquarius.....

fun fact she is the oldest oc of all 4 she was the very first to ever be created !!

matty! matisse! mat! he is stars half brother and they are bffs and he is the most peculiar fella on the planet and is lowkey my fav tied w syd but i practically never draw him bc i am like. intimidated and so bad at replicating what we actually want him to look like😞 i have no clue bleh but hes the one with the full torso and hes a sagittarius like meeee!!!!!! hes 13 too and a transmasc aroace with he him pronounce

this is syd my stupid idiot i love her w all my heart.same thing as matty i have barely ever drawn her ever bc im like scared to but shes basically leonardo ninja turtle 2018 if he was mikey batman vs the tmnt edition and also donatello 2023 all at the same time (very normal points of reference yes). his only flaw is hes a libra

he is a 13 year old bigender bisexual (she/he) and also btw every single one of them is autistic because we can

WE ALSO HAVE MIN!!!!!!! shes the best character but i have literally almost never drawn her ever let alone RECENTLY with a REMOTELY up to date design so the only information yall get about her is shes a cancer

the comic is called honeysuckle and/or cheriton creek bc we changed it recently but we still tend to refer to the overall project as honeysuckle so oh well deal w it

BE A FAN NOW (pointing gun)

[aemiron-main]

HELLO AGAIN!! Just wanna say that I love your analyses as always. THE NATURE DOCUMENTARY ONE, LITERALLY UNHINGED IT'S SO GOOD. YOU'RE SO GOOD!!!

You talking about how Mike used to be open about his emotions, but isn't anymore with the milk analogy???? JAIL!! PUTING YOU IN JAIL AGAIN- IT'S SO GOOD.

Anyways I've been reading on repressing and suppressing emotions?? Ok so I'm not claiming to be a professional or anything, I'm just reciting what I've read about!! IT'S JUST REALLY INTERESTING TO TALK ABOUT in the case of Mike.

Ok before I go on a tangent, I found something interesting-

CRYING!! MIKE WHEELER??-

Anyways suppressing is when you avoid talking or expressing an unwanted or uncomfortable emotion and in order to do that, some may do something to distract themselves, in the case of Mike (Him playing video games in the basement.) BUT there's also controlling your intake of food!! which is what Mike might also be doing. He's looking for some control.

Suppressing emotions happens when you don't know what to do with said emotions (aka his feelings for Will, he's having thoughts about Will so he ignores/avoids them by playing video games.) Basically suppression is something that you actively do whilst repressing is more unconscious. Mike might be a mix of these 2.

I think by the end of S4 or something he might be leaning more towards repression.

I wanna talk more about how his family life causes this, cause it's soo interesting. Mike doesn't know how to healthily express his emotions, because his parents are emotionally stunt. They've never talk about their emotions, so it's just uncomfortable for him to do so because he didn't grow up in an environment where doing so was considered normal. I think this effect the entirety of the Wheeler kids. They just don't know what to do with feelings, so they shove it down aka suppressing them. Just shoving them down so they don't have to deal with them.

Wonder why Mike feels more dull in S4? Going back to watch clips from S1-2 felt like experiencing smth different. Mike felt more explosive you could say, he was moody and angry, but at least it was an emotion. S3-4 felt like watching the colors drain out of him, because that's when he learns to shove them down, cause they're bad. Feelings like anger, frustration, sadness anything!! He shoves them down. Cause 1) he's shown that he can't express these feelings without repercussions, his parents punishment for acting out instead of understanding him. 2) He's been shown that these emotions are not important.

He thinks he shouldn't have these emotions, because he's not allowed to, he hasn't suffered enough to feel these.

Feels like I'm just repeating things, but he's SUCH an interesting character to talk about!!! Anyways just came here to say that you're probably my fav (personally) Mike analyst. You do it so well!!!



AAAAAAAAAAAA HELLO OMG!!! IM SO SLOW AT REPLYING TO ASKS IM SORRY BUT FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU SO SO MUCH YOU'RE SO SWEET AND IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY ANALYSIS!! I LOVE UR ART AND I LOVE UR MIKE'S LACK OF SELF VALUE ANALYSIS (i have a rb of it in my drafts i promise i havent forgotten abt it)!! AFBJHJBH THANK YOU THE MILK POST WENT FROM BEING A SHITPOST ABT HIM DRINKING MILK WHEN HES STRESSED INTO AN ACTUAL ANALYSIS BC I WAS LIKE 'wait... wAIT... a pattern is appearing..." AND YES OMG HELL YEAH IM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOUR THOUGHTS!! Okay so YES!!!!! THAT ABSOLUTELY SOUNDS LIKE MIKE AGHH!!! YOURE SO RIGHT!! Mike in the basement, but also mike controlling his food intake!! I personally think that when it comes to mike & food as a source of control, its more of a subconscious thing rather than actively being aware of it, like he lacks appetite and isnt eating for a variety of reasons which i need to make a full post on one day, and so he then associates not eating w that feeling of being in control and so then it’s just another reason on his list of various reasons as to why he ends up avoiding food! Esp since i think mike’s food issues are also tied to his repression of his emotions and queerness and guilt and again how he’s subconsciously seeking control through food, but also how he associates ‘real food’ in s1 with family and karen’s cooking but as that relationship w his family deteriorates, esp bc of his guilt abt his queerness and bc of his depression/mental health in general, his relationship w food also deteriorates. Mike’s life has had so many moments of a loss of control, esp w the supernatural stuff, but I feel like a.) the continuation of his relationship with el and feeling like he has very little control over that relationship bc theres so many expectations for him and b.) feeling like he’s lost will are two core losses of control that are really affecting him pre-s4, esp feeling like he’s failed and lost will and out of control of his life bc his sense of stability (will’s presence in his life) is gone, and so he’s seeking a sense of control through food while simultaneously punishing himself/neglecting himself by not eating. And that is SUCH a great point both about a.) mike’s feelings for will and focusing on videogames and b.) the distinction between repression vs suppression. I def think mike has a mix of those two, and is leaning towards repression in s4, yes!!!!

“I wanna talk more about how his family life causes this, cause it's soo interesting. Mike doesn't know how to healthily express his emotions, because his parents are emotionally stunt. They've never talk about their emotions, so it's just uncomfortable for him to do so because he didn't grow up in an environment where doing so was considered normal. I think this effect the entirety of the Wheeler kids. They just don't know what to do with feelings, so they shove it down aka suppressing them. Just shoving them down so they don't have to deal with them.” And that’s another fantastic point/great way of framing it, as if he feels “more dull,” in s4, because he DOES, because he’s tired and struggling and pushing down his emotions and feels like he’s always going to be demeaned or ignored if he expresses them!!! Mike’s parents are SO emotionally unavailable and not only do they fail to encourage Mike to show his emotions, but they also punish him for it too! In s2, when he’s upset and expressing himself about having to give away his toys, Karen reprimands him for his upset & reminds him off things that he did like graffitiing the bathroom stall- which is odd because he’s already BEEN punished for those things, he’s already lost his Atari, and the toys aren’t actually tied to his “bad behaviour,” but rather, Karen wants the toys to be given away & is using mike’s “bad behaviour” as an excuse. It also struck me that Ted, who’s usually pretty silent, chimed in to give Mike shit with his “strike 20 you’re on the bench, son” comment but we never see Ted chime in to defend Mike in any of the dinner scenes, only to reprimand him. We don’t even see Ted and Mike have a nice normal conversation at the dinner table- or EVER! When was the last time we saw Mike and Ted just. Talk. At all. An actual conversation, not even a deep serious one but just anything that isn’t just “Ted making snarky comments at Mike”? Hell, Mike doesn’t even respond to Ted’s snarky comments at the s2 dinner table, nor does he respond to them in the kitchen scene in s4 ep1. He’s responding to Karen in both scenes but not Ted. We literally haven’t seen an actual conversation between Mike and Ted at all. The CLOSEST we’ve gotten to that is s1 ep1 where Ted is fixing the tv & Mike tries to ask about staying longer for dnd but Ted shuts him down and tells him to talk to/listen to Karen. This is REALLY interesting to me because that’s the only time we really see any sort of two way dialogue between Mike and Ted where they’re even just. Responding directly to eachother at all. And it’s because from that scene, Mike has learned that he can’t go to Ted and that Ted’s just going to redirect him to Karen & not listen to Mike, so then in Mike’s mind, why should he even bother with Ted? Mike shoves down his feelings SO MUCH, we see him get shut down so often and eventually he just starts shutting himself down & repressing his own emotions before anyone else can try and shut him down. “S3-4 felt like watching the colors drain out of him” THIS IS SO SO TRUE AND ACCURATE AND AGAIN IS A FANTASTIC WAY OF FRAMING/PHRASING IT!!! THATS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS!! And i completely agree, at least he was EXPRESSING himself, at least it was emotions, but then in s3-s4, he REALLY starts shoving them down, because exactly like you said, he’s been shown that not only are his emotions deemed unimportant, but they’re also actively punished. 

He thinks he shouldn't have these emotions, because he's not allowed to, he hasn't suffered enough to feel these.

EXACTLY!!!!! He feels like he isn’t suffering enough because of how he compares himself to others & invalidates his own experiences and emotions & how other people, including El (with the s4 bedroom fight scene and her invalidating him when he talks about being bullied) have invalidated and shut him down too. And that’s part of what frustrates me about some of the discussion surrounding Mike’s mental health in the fandom too- they fall into that same “Mike hasn’t suffered enough to have mental health issues,” trap, and compare Mike to other characters and use that comparison to invalidate and willfully ignore his struggles and it’s NOT frustrating because that approach completely misses the POINT of how Mike’s character aligns with people who feel like they are suffering enough & who are invisible & who invalidate themselves because of how they’ve been invalidated by others.

HES SUCH AN INTERESTING CHARACTER AND I LOVE THE THOUGHTS YOUVE MENTIONED HERE!! And thank you so, so much omg that makes me so happy because i LOVE analyzing him! YOURE SO SWEET THANK YOU SM AAAAAAAAAAA!!! 💗💕

[att4boy]

some thoughts

i was reminded of this blog bc i was watching mina le's lovely video on subcultures and aesthetics, and rmbed the times i came on here and reblogged all these art hoe (or whatever) photos with the #aesthetic tag, and tried to make my blog look all cohesive and pretty as well. i was 13 when i first started this blog - in fact i started it the day after i turned 13, if i'm not wrong? just a few days after... - and now i'm turning 21, and still thinking about this place. i joined tumblr bc all my friends were on it and it seemed like such a cool place. now all the friends (irl and not) i used to have here are gone.

(are any of you still here? let me know...)

i've been thinking about my relationship with the internet recently, inspired mainly by chia amisola (among many others on twitter). when i was younger i was so careless with what i posted. not using careless in a bad way, btw. i mean careless as in unself-conscious, careless as in happy to chat with anyone who happened to be around. when i had just started elementary school my sister helped me set up a blog where i happily posted about my day (i went to kfc today!), and then in p3 i tried to set up a blog to document my family (though it never materialised in the end; i think my mum heard about it and discouraged me from doing it, though i truly don't rmb much anymore). and when i got instagram i started a transparents account (those overlays to put on pictures that everyone was rly into back then) on instagram that got almost 1k followers, i had (have - it's still available online, though we haven't posted since 2016) a book fandom account with three of my friends where we posted our little fanedits of books like divergent and hunger games and twilight. i remember briefly chatting in the comments to some guy a year or two older whose username referenced mockingjay about singapore and school... making a transparent for this ? influencer ? my age ?? that i thought was rly cool... and then something changed, i'm not sure what. i think i became more conscious not of data privacy and security and whatnot, but of how hostile the internet could be when you had a "bad" opinion. i was finding my way into the parts of the internet that discussed feminism, intersectionality, lgbtq+ rights, etc... and don't get me wrong, i think those are all excellent movements that i'm proud to be part of, but i think i also stumbled into areas where accidentally being insensitive or uninformed was very harshly criticised and looked down upon. and i think, probably, i was already the sort of person to naturally be a bit more worried and anxious about doing the "right thing" - i was always the goody-two-shoes in class, still am today to some extent. so the internet changed around me and i came to know it as somewhere where i shouldn't ask too many questions, where i shouldn't criticise.

but then i've been reading about other people's experiences on the internet - how they grew up and built their entire worldview there, made friends across the globe and changed the trajectory of their lives because of it... and i am of course remembering my younger days of freedom of the internet. i miss that era! i wonder how different i would be if i had walked further into this space and talked more. now all i do is lurk on twitter with a private account, ghost cool people trying to follow me back, dream about replying to posts and weaving a friendship from nothingness... i am definitely romanticising, to some extent, but i don't think my version of the internet back then (/ now) is wholly accurate either. i am imagining a version of myself with more confidence and curiosity, and i am wondering if i can still spin that version into existence.

i guess this post is an attempt at that? the last time i came here to talk abt something and then i ended up moving that into a private google doc. but it feels appropriate for me to post about coming back onto / into the internet on tumblr, where i have "been" for years and years. i've been thinking about starting a blog, or a public twitter, or maybe (this one just came to mind) restarting a tumblr and seeing where things go. i don't know if i'll keep it up... but wouldn't it be nice to try?

[netscapenavigaytor]

still was thinking abt that roblox thing and Why it bothered me so much when objectively there shouldnt be anything wrong with stuff being "better". and why i find myself gravitating towards old school internet culture and stuff lost and forgotten in the vestiges of the 'net. and like. i think i know now

everything is so clean and perfect and well made on the internet now that there isn't much of a place left for klutzy amateurish imperfect creations anymore. you have to be Really Good at creating things or you become an object of ridicule. it does not matter what effort or sincerity goes into something if it is poorly made. everything must be marketable forever.

and that is not to say that the internet used to be Nicer god knows it has never been "nice", "cringe culture" has existed for ages. but the bar has raised so high now. there are 14 year olds making beautiful art and animations i could NOT compare to even though i've practiced my whole life. and they Have To because you cant just make wonky ms paint cat drawings, those just dont cut it anymore.

and i think thats what people are really nostalgic for, not the sparkledogs and cascada songs themselves but what they REPRESENTED. the idea that you didnt need so much polish, that you could just Have Fun and people would have fun with you. and messy and wonky and childish and "bad" stuff still exists and is being made with genuine heart, but its easier to think theres something special and Different about the stuff youre nostalgic for so you can feel like youre Above the "new cringe." (i don't even think i'm totally beyond this mindset, myself, as much as i'd like to think i am)

and i don't know really who there is to blame, if there is a fair culprit. advertisers of course is the easy answer but that's not all of it, no one's really capitalizing on warrior cats amvs or whatever like that. i think maybe there's no one truly at fault, the classic internet grew up and honed their skills and no one MEANT to chase out the amateurs and children, they just continued to make the things they loved but were better at it now and could set their ambitions higher, so much better that in order to keep up everyone else had to jump straight into creating at a professional level.

i don't think i really have an ultimate point to this post. i'm just kind of rambling my thoughts here and i dont know if there's really a "solution" because in the end it feels ridiculous to say "polished content is the problem" especially because i DONT dislike stuff thats Well Made by any means and myself generally aspire to make stuff that's "good".

but the internet has definitely shifted in a way that does not really feel like "home" to me anymore, even if it's foolish to say it was EVER home to begin with

[rawrtriesagain]

Long post incoming idk how to do Read More on mobile, sorry. Tldr: just a post abt my writing as usual and stuff about my interest in lwa (nothing crazy)

I know I talk abt my old fuckin fics all the fuckin time (like Jesus theyre old enough to be considered toddlers now) but anyway this is my vent blog and y’all will never hear the end of it so guess what still has an absolute GRIP over my mind after 3 years

Its forest of arcan- im jk its dreamer of stars lmaooo. I reread it right now for the funsies after months of forgetting abt it, and each time I read it I think “surely I am over this story and can move on with my life” and like the first half of the story its like yea I kinda am over it haha but then the second half just obliterates the thoughts and runs me over and I just lay in my bed and contemplate my life and go into like a State of Emotions and simply have to talk about it (but it also could be because its 4am at the time of writing this)

I do think it mostly has to do with nostalgia though. Truthfully I’m probably not able to write smth like that again because it was 100% written completely on emotion and quite actually everything bad Diana was feeling in the story was smth i was also going through so it was easy to… write a vent and disguise it as a fic LOL. But I was also running on the high of being in love with my best friend which also really easily translated to everything going on in the fic blah blah nobody remembers it but me so this means nothing to anybody and im being cringe and gay on main (not even my main)

ANYWAY the point of my babbling here is that honestly I miss having that intense amt of emotions that would spur that level of creative writing? Like yea forest of arcana (not updated in over a year) is fun and all but it definitely isnt written on a personal level like dreamer was. I also just genuinely miss writing lol and its like ok bitch why dont you write then and then its like good question why dont i?? I probably still enjoy writing more than i do drawing and i know my blogs say otherwise but the two mediums are both definitely different outlets for my life. Maybe i would change my mind the day my art is actually good tho 😛

Im laffing rn seeing me talk abt this “deep” different outlets of life cause like when u think abt it im also literally just Currently describing little witch fanfic and fanart since thats all i do LOL. Not that theres anything wrong with lwa being my Muse of course, but it just adds humor in whatever the emo hell im going on about

Another side sad mini vent but i dont think im as into lwa as i used to be which also waters down my interests in doing things, but im literally not interested in any other media or fandom rn either so lwa stays my hyperfixation. Plz dont be alarmed lol im not saying im NOT into lwa anymore since diana is still a fuckin god to me like 10/10 chara design and vibes, but its definitely not as strong as it was when i first joined the fandom 3 years ago. And you know what maybe it has to do with me not watching little witch academia in full in those entire three years after i first watched it lmao. Most of the friends ive made in the fandom are pretty much gone too which is sad but is what it is. Sometimes i get a burst of seratonin when i think about smth diakko and definitely like now when i reread my fics i also remember the Emotions i had for these Gays and it like floods back for a bit like a buff.

I think something im very interested in for both the spark of writing and also the revitalization for my love for diakko is that i wanna do like a oneshot slice of life series for diakko. Just something easy, cute, subjectively funny, and a vibe. I still fantasize abt diakko shenanigans even if mundane and i wish i could also capture it more in my art but im not at that level yet, so writing it is. First i probably need to rewatch lwa in full since ive forgotten most everything except for key diana scenes haha oopsie And sucy world episode that was a good fuckin episode.

Anyway thanks for reading this far if you did lol sorry for the LONG ASS NONSENSE POST. Sometimes i see how i type in my blog and to people and compare it to my writing and its like where the hell did my comprehensive english go. Sorry if this was just hard to read from the lack of grammar and punctuation but thats showbiz anyway stay tuned for the next diana content ttyl bffl rofl xD zomg

[faggotmox]

oh fuck i'm abt to talk abt growing up the child of alcoholics with a bryan as an older brother so scroll on or hit read more, i do not care.

my moms drank herself to death. she drank our whole lives & well before it. my dad too but he's a passive drinker. anyways, the point being my mom was fucked up, she had mental health issues & came from a physically & emotionally abusive home. as a child she was kept from her father after her parents divorced, her mother beat her at times, & she often had to protect her little brother who is kinda slow.

guess what kinda environment she made for us? my moms never laid hands on us, but she abused emotionally & mentally. the shit she did always raised alarm bells with me (crawling into my bed, drunk at early hours as she cried abt how she's a bad mom to me & things along these lines). my brother did not see these things are red flags or alarms.

my mom & I were my brother's only blood relatives here bc my mom took him from his dad after her divorce & moved across the country (huh kinda like how her mom kept her from her dad after their split, huh???). my dad was a fine father to us (aside from the drinking & queerphobia) but he was only my brother's dad by default which is proved now after my mom's passing & my dad doesnt really want anything to do with my brother.

anyways, my mom was all my brother had. so there was always an excuse or a reason why what she was doing was okay or fine or didn't matter. ofc we never had big blow up abt shit, bc in real life people just die they don't have big dramatic bullshit. but bryan's point of view, his excuses, his reasoning, runs parallel to my brother's feelings & place. i was the one trying so hard to get him to see, so he didn't get fucked up by her. i never wanted to like cut my mom out, maybe get her help but yeah she died before that, i just didnt want my brother wrapped up in her issues which caused issues in him.

i the kid that realized i was an alcoholic & got to work on that. my brother didn't, he still doesn't see what she did & we are going five plus years post death by drinking. & we watcher her kill herself, she was told to stop drinking & she pared down. drank "only" beer & wine, nothing hard, & ofc that was still making her sick. she eventually got sick enough she couldn't drink really.

so much of the emotional charge between regal, bryan, & mox, all people who have first hand experience with life threatening addiction, is so fucking real. if youve never been in it, like we have, you may not understand the pain these three are sharing & presenting to us. ive been mox holding onto the rope, shaking & wanting to plead for bryan to see but knowing he wont. ive been bryan, blinded by the love of someone important & special something unconditional. & ive been regal, a drunk who has hurt the people around me.

god that fucked me up. but it did it's job. it got under my skin, it triggered me & forced me to deal with certain feelings ive compartmentalized. as a person who has lived, in a way, every aspect of this story they're telling...its accurate & it hurts & its fucking painful & it's good. as hard & painful & unwanted as this is for me, its also good for me. & as someone who cant fathom putting that out there, on a national stage, i respect what they're doing bc it must be fuckin hard.

i lost over a year's sobriety on October 25th. i only got a few weeks under me anymore. & in a way this reminded me that it's going to relapse, that it's part of recovery, & i can move forward from here. its fuckin dumb that this shit can work, like when it's something you want to & need to see, art can work really well to help you realize shit. it fuckin sucks but im not alone. my mom wasn't alone. my brother isn't alone. even if we don't quiet see it.

[vonkarma2]

3, 4, 10, 30 on the artist asks?

3. What ideas come from when you were little

Idk abt ideas, when I was younger I used to just make superheroes and I don’t really do that anymore. I guess I would say I still do vague fantasy environments in a similar way ie thinking of like 1-2 images and building the whole thing around that. I’m pretty sure this means specific ideas and like I feel bad bc I don’t really use any of them at all these days 😞 the thing abt getting older is that as you get older you have better ideas. Well not necessarily kids can be really creative. I wasn’t though 😝 I intentionally came up with an imaginary friend for a few days cause I was bored (when I was like 10) her name was Abigail and she looked like Mia from Lego Friends but if she wasn’t a Lego Friend but instead a human and that was the extent of her personality. Although I was like obsessed with both dragons and horses as a kid so I would try to draw them, and to this day I can still draw a pretty decent dragon or horse, and also any other animal I draw also looks like a dragon or a horse. I actually like drew dragons over and over before I got into drawing people (<got into drawing via wings or fire fan art). And now I don’t draw anything but people rip 😔

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

Subject I think is complicated outfits it takes forever but the results are so worth it. The more detailed a piece of clothing is the more fun it is to see the finished product

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

I guess I would say shirts, not any particular reason they’re just like the easiest LOL. Jackets actually I take it back it’s coats and jackets they look cool you can add like details to them or have them be like a fun shape <3. Complicated sneakers are fun as well but dress shoes and boots are very difficult. Pants 50% of the time are fun 50% of the time are a nightmare same goes for dresses and skirts.

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

I don’t post art here or in general like that often + I definitely don’t want to like look for notes (I wouldn’t get them LOL but yeah I’m really glad I do art for fun and not for attention cause that would be very tiring) so I’m going to go with some drawings that I just liked and never posted or anything. 

crow and lucia jumpscare

[algernongirl]

might be slow updating , gonna vent real quick so if you don’t want to read it’ll be below :) it doesn’t have triggering content or anything

-

I’ve been an artist ever since I was 11, and posting since that age too. I never got any interactions on my posts, which were usually on amino and stuff, but I figured that was because my art skills weren’t great. I wanted to keep trying, hoping to get more engagement.

And yeah, engagement isn’t everything. But keep in mind that I was in the 6th grade and didn’t have many friends at the time. Any I did have didn’t really… acknowledge me? If that makes sense. Like we talked but they never complemented me or said I was good at anything. My parents were going through hard times with my mom being sick with something I won’t disclose here. Also, at the time, I auditioned for the school plays. I also didn’t get lead roles, just bg ones. I figured that since I wasn’t really a good actor I didn’t get good roles, so once I was better I would get better roles. So like my art I just kept trying.

But with both my art and acting, as middle school progressed, I didn’t get any engagement or good roles. Still didn’t have many friends, and since I was struggling with mental health at the time I often hid my real feelings from those true friends I did have. I thought it made me weak. I had gotten better, and was posting frequently and stuff, just never got more than 5 or 10 likes. Didn’t get any roles but that was probably because my drama teacher was a real piece of work lol. Anyways self esteem blah blah

Not going to go anymore into that bc I don’t wanna think abt it but I just got waitlisted for a college, and rejected from basically everyone that I applied to. Mind you I had a 31 act (I studied for like weeks). And idk, I’m just. I don’t know if this makes sense, but it just feels like my whole life I’ve been fighting and fighting for things that the universe just doesn’t want to give to me. Maybe it’s bad luck or something, but it feels like something in my life is always dragging me down and I gotta fight against it.

And it sounds selfish, but other people don’t have to fight and I want that so bad. One of my good friends at school is also the daughter of an immigrant, and I’m so jealous of her because she has so many things that I want. Her parents are loving and supportive, and while mine are too she gets to be in the art class while I have to take all academic classes ‘for my future’. She’s so pretty and she has a boyfriend, and I just feel so weird. And it’s not that she hasn’t had a hard life, though we don’t really talk about our pasts. It’s just that so many girls at school and around me are pretty and good at stuff and I just feel like I have to keep fighting and fighting for what I want, and if the universe decides to give it to me it isn’t going to be without any pain on my part. I just want things to be easy for once. Plus today I also posted some art I was proud of, but got no engagement (not on here). I’ve been posting frequently and reworking my account, hoping to be able to draw to get some side money when I’m in college, but now I’m not going to any of the colleges I want to go to and no one knows or likes my art and I just. I guess I just want the universe to cut me a break for once. I don’t get why I have to fight like a dog just to be happy, why I can’t just sit back and let it come to me for once. Why the world still made me fight when I was a little girl. Why it insists on making things hurt.

Idk just a rant ig

[spicypopcornfromhell]

Oh look a vent post

Tw for suicide, suicide attempts self harm abusive household, cynicism, depressive behaviour and more, dysphoria being the new addition.

If you press read more and i ruined your day its on you, you have been fucking warned

Ik i shouldn't but i have nowhere else to throw these thoughts and unfortunately ill put it here

Final fucking warning if you struggle with depression or anything above DONT FUCKING INTERACT WITH THIS.

Dont. Its for your own saftey

I dont know how much longer i can keep up the façade between the memes and the horny posts, the only thing that gives me any reason to live is a future i might never have. A future ruined by greedy old men in suits.

Im trans now but everytime i turn off my phone i see the same old cis dude with stubble bc shaving is getting tedious. I keep doing this why? Why do i do this ehy cant i just FEEL like a women i know im trans but everytime i look in a fucking mirror i feel shit. I sometimes wish the pills worked, i took too little.

Fucking im 18 and yet i get treated like a child in real life. The bad way aswell. Peaple irl tell me i talk too much and i should just shut up. Idk even know if im autistic "enough"to get treatment. Ik for a fact i have adhd but online tests are telling me fuckoll. Tho multiple peaple irl tell me im def adhd, i have so so so much symptoms of autism. I blend in with some autistic peaple but i feel fake. I dont feel like me anymore im just some fucked up husk smiling at peaple bc i cant fucking reveal to peaple how i feel irl. The internet is my safe blanket. No one knows me here. I can be WHAT i want to be but when i close this phone and I look in the mirror im just dude. Short hair testosterone chubby cant pick up shit. Im too fucked to be a women or a man. I can be neather. Mabye if i die i dont have to feel like anything but im too scared to try. Ive been trying to get better and im clean since the 18 of dec 2023. I hate myself. I wish i was some cis women instead. But life wants to watch me longingly stare at models online, wishing i could be them.

Having a cis person assume bc i talk to women i wanna fuxk her is so so fuxked up im so tired of it. Having a dad who loves me yet fucks me around emotionally tell me "I MUST HAVE KIDS" like i dont work with kids i just cant it pisses me off indont lilke kids.

5 fuxkinng weaks im botteling this up 5 fucking weaks i cant look in a mirror. Those nudes, were the closest i get to be a women, not even hrt is gonna save me at this point.

Rubbing salt into my scars and jerking off is the few hits of dopamine that still works. And some friends but noone irl reallly cares abt me, im the disposable vape in human form. One hit of dopamine and contentment is suddenly a joke. 6 peaple make the mistake of sticking with me. Alot of peaple online too. They and a few peaple are the only tether i have rn.

The housing markets gone to hell and i dont have MARKETABLE skills i can voice act sure but ai will fuck me over there. I can be annoying. Ads do my job better. I cannot draw art and i get like just above fail for everything. I cant do sports i cant motivate myself bc some teacher thinks traumatised children can learn, well fuck you mister S yelling at a kid who had writing issues isnt the way to teaxh i child. I fuxkign ger nauseous everytime i see complcated math equations. Its better now but like 7 years later. So any "self proclamed business" work wont save me

My current ccountry has a 55% unemployment rate and im going to a conservative town in canada. Tho i hope things are better there i so so hope mabye a new country might kinda help

Goinng back to my inescapable family problems im essentially the fucking mule. I poar drinks and i wash the dishes and most of the family's clothes. I bring the cigarettes and i (often) mow the lawn. I have to do the "manly" tasks bc wowie i have a dick and corse voice. I bairly get thanked aswell. Only thanks i got was being the emotional punching bag. Yk why else have a sun. Bc who else do you take the anger out on. Fucking get told i do good work the one day then i get belittled the next. The fuck am i supposed to feel anymore.

I want to relive a different childhood, i want to be a kid again, but with a fresh start. But i cant. God knows how i deel with all this. But i have friends that would be sad to see me go. But im a burden and a cancer and the only way to get rid of cancer is to cut it off tho i wont do that rn. I cant. I just cant. Want to but i cant.

Ill add latwr or nah idk. But i dont know

Sorry if you read this

[lyrker]

1 n 3 n 19 n 31 n 50 for the oc asks !!!!

THIS GOT SO LONG IM SO SORRY HAVDJVS

1.First oc ever ?

I’m gonna have to pass this one to good ol’ Leader Decrose. I REFUSE to get into the backstory of how he came about, but in this old world I never dive in anymore, he’s like ? A refuge i suppose ? A set of four characters (including my self insert) were based on cards and his was the diamond.

3.Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else ?

Odd situation but I GUESS ?? There’s a few but one I like is named Polaris and they’re like. a dying star. And their big brother figure is Cyrus, aka cc who thought the key to transitioning was dismembering yourself and using dark magic on a lifesize frakenstein doll he made.

They work in a fucked up lab but like, fucked up as in goofy as hell. They’re so silly (:

19.Introduce a character that means a lot to you and why

*SLAMS JACE IN FRONT OF YOU* I love him an insane amount.

Jace Luong was away when the apocalypse striked, lost his daughter thag he blames himself for (but he could never save her anyway), accidentally shot a guy and had to step down from his military position, more for his mental sake than anything, ended up using his best friend, and that last one sounds so bad. and it is. But it is for this Reason that makes me shake him like GRRRR I LOVE YOU. WHY DID YOU DO THAT oh yeah i’m the author loll !!

Because the point of Jace is that. He wants to help so fucking bad but he keeps Messing It Up. He is not evil and I cannot say that enough—he is very “the means justifies the ends” but that does Not mean he doesn’t feel bad for using Noah as a lab rat. When Noah came back to KILL HIM he cried because someone Came Back For Him, even if it was to kill him.

I don’t wanna take up too much space but it’s because he’s not evil just severely fucked up from losing his daughter and the life of being in a world filled with zombies that he’s trying to rush to make some sort of cure, so he can save people, so that people can live again instead of just survive, but he goes about it in a horrible way that, honestly, was probably inevitable.

He’s special to me because he’s a fuck up, but he’s genuinely really really trying. He is not a good person, though.

(also if he was a tma avatar he would be of The Lonely or Eye and that’s so silly)

31.Pick an oc and explain what their Tumblr blog would look like.

I’m going to go with RAYNE because he probably DOES use Tumblr, knowing him. His layout is green but also he’s probably using the Goth/Rave color pallet because he thinks the colors are nice and he’s a 3 am user so that dark mode comes in handy. His pfp is like, his favorite pokémon but with a ditto face.

He reblogs pokemon stuff—screenshots, fanart, memes, etc and he’s Definitely gotten into discourse abt the best game. Also he’s totally a Nightvale listener so throw in some Nightvale posts. I think he reblogs a lot of shitpost art but also just art in general.

And of course, the occasional cat photo and tumblr trademark textposts.

50.Give me the good ol’ oc talk.

I WAS GONNA TALK ABOUT NOAH & CO. BUT I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THEM so here’s the MoMOF crew, named after the lemon demon song “Mask of my Own Face”

It’s a classic high schoolers sci fi horror story, think stranger things except without mike bc i hate him (did not finish watching stranger things)

Basically, six kids, Rayn, Rowan, Alex, Ash, Zach and Winston are friends ! Yippee ! Average middle/high schoolers.

And one night, Rayn and Rowan (dating) are just hanging out. Rowan is conked the fuck out at Rayn is gaming on his DS, and then he gets a text from Alex saying “Dude, why tf are you outside it’s like 2 am ???” and Rayn is confused outta his mind.

“Wdym i’m literally at home rn.”

Alex attaches a photo, a shot looking thru the blinds of their window of what looks to be Rayn.

Rayn sends a selfie back of the Charmander he just leveled up and Rowan fast asleep.

And it Can’t be him if he just sent that photo, because the beanie he always wears was handmade by Asher himself—whos this guy ?!?

naturally, they text everyone, everyone’s yelling in a vc and was NOT asleep like they should be, and Rayn gets the FANTASTIC idea to go and see who the person is. Alex is yelling that they will personally stab Rayn if he does.

He does anyway.

and they’re too far away now for Alex to see, but they’re watching their phones and when Rayn finally approaches the other Rayn the camera flips and it is missing Half Of It’s Face and then Rayn hangs up.

And they Cannot Find Him.

So for weeks they are searching for Rayn and are scared out of their wits about Why there were Two and they told the police, but they don’t believe them all too much.

But Rowan finds him one night, at the edge of the forest. Half of his face looks tk have been torn away and his hat and coat is gone and he looks run ragged but oh. Oh no.

That’s the real Rayn.

And it turns out, the Rayn they’d been staying with recently was a clone.

And he’s babbling about something, saying they “Can’t trust Winston”

And at the same time, Rowan gets a call. And Zach sounds like he’s running for his life, because Winston cannot talk, let alone sing, and Zach heard them whispering the lyrics to a song he doesn’t know, and ran for it.

So, while they found Rayn, they now don’t know where the real Winston is. And it’s kinda all about not trusting each other but also wanting to stay together because What If Someone Else Gets Taken, and they can’t trust anyone at All because they won’t believe them, and they could be more clones.

Other stuff happens; Ash is going kinda insane, Alex, as the eldest, feels like they have to be the parent of the group because god they’re falling apart and they can’t stand to see it, Zach doesn’t know if the things he’s catching on camera are real or not, and there’s also an almost murder and also arson !! Both by the kids (:

It’s a fun world i like to play around with because the kids dynamics are all super fun <3

[emberz7]

💚 AND IT'S THE LION'S DENW HERE YOU WILL DIERGKHKHKHJJ

help, I NOW HAVE A NEW FAVORITE SONGG

2:35 is my fav on that video for reasons :3 FRICTION IN YOUR HEAD, FRICTION IN MY, I STILL REMEMBER HIS EYSSBFJFKHKKBN

i love love LOVE the bg colors and the slight animations and the way you drew Hajime and Izuru and djgjhkdkgksg

is it bad that whenever Nagito appeared i was like– THERE'S THE GAY HOPE BOY, THERE'S THE LAD!!! :D im sorry Chiaki i love you too but i am very very transmasc and love Nagito's gender *sobs* HE. LOOKS. SO GOOD IN UR ART.

okay but in general the animatic, gods, i love it so much?? THE FLOW, actually, this song, it wasn't my vibe? at first at least, a really really good video/animatic/MAP makes me go feral tho and boy, i'm adding this to my music now O(-(

related but also unrelated, i actually drew Izuru as a lion before bc i wanted to know how his hair would work as a mane andnbdjgkdkd suffice to say the lion is vey handsome–

OMG, i forgot to talk abt Hajime, the whole animatic was focused around him, IM SORRY IM JUST, HE IS SO GOOD, I LOVE HIM, he just hits too close to hime for me but i love him and i love how the song fits him and how well you did his story, the flasshes to the past and through the NWP anfndkgkdkbgb

much love :3 ah, wait, i think i never did get to finish watching your other animatic? i should go watch that one too :DDD!!! sorry for the long askskgkd

ASHEJESJDJD IM GLAD U LIKE IT!! if u like that genre of music i really recommend the front bottoms (band) and maybe the song gender school dropout, if you ever feel like exploring some alt music!

THANK YOUUUUU!! i loveeeee making the designs for the characters a little perked up so im happy u enjoyed hajime, izuru and komaeda’s designs <3

chiaki has gotta be one of my faves ever <3<3 theyre so cool and nice and chill and i wish i had a friend as nonchalant as chiaki

KAMUKURA’S HAIR IS VERY MANE-LIKE. him and enoshima are hair queens

HAJIME IS ALSO ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS he’s like a cadbury egg !! simple on the outside but almost an overload of stuff om the inside. i didnt like him in the beginning because he seemed super basic and i didnt understand why everyone else liked him but then we learned more about his character and why he went to hopes peak and then found out about the izuru thing and HOLLLLYYYYY CRAP you can fit a lot of trauma and personality and learning into one dude. gotta love em guys who realize their self worth. overall, i think hes really neat!! as my initial attraction for komaeda declined into kin territory my love for hajime stonk’d into “god you are such a great character and i hope you kiss your knuckles before you punch me” territory

ANYWAY you might have found that animatic by now, i hope you enjoy the arts and stuff <3 i think ill try to post more dangan art, i used to do it more often but i dont anymore…ill try!