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wisteriashouse · 3 years

Note

Can you write hcs for Gyomei and Sanemi with a fem reader if they had a family.

characters: himejima gyomei, shinazugawa sanemi

genre: fluff, family;

a/n: the idea of sanemi having a kid makes me cry i apologise because his was so long i’m lowkey tempted to turn it into a fic

himejima gyomei

big gentle giant would be the perfect dad

he’s had experience taking care at the kids at the orphanage when he was younger, so he has a soft, tender spot for young children

*except kaigaku fuck that kid*

when he found out that you were pregnant with his child, he cries (of course), but in a different way

it’s not just the usual tears streaming down his face, his huge chest heaves quietly with emotion and you tear up yourself at the sight, wrapping your arms around him

as a pillar of the demon slayer corps, gyomei has lived life knowing that he might not make it to the next day

so the fact that you’re building a family together with him makes him think about the future, and it’s this fact that really hits him - that muzan has truly been defeated, and that he can finally live in peace now

would be extremely cautious the first time he holds his child in his arms, asking you to help place his fingertips on the baby’s cheeks so that he can feel their features without hurting their delicate eyes

it’s like he’s holding porcelain - he’s so cautious

so small. so delicate. it’s like he’s holding a treasure in his hands, he thinks.

cries again (of course)

“he/she looks like you, gyomei,” you whisper, and gyomei’s breath catches in his chest, emotion stifling his words in his throat

“is that so?” he whispers back, as if afraid that he will disturb the baby if he’s too loud. his huge hand gently clasps the baby’s tiny hand in his own

probably wants a large family - about five kids or more

helps a lot with housework and general child rearing

insane dad reflexes/paternal instincts

petty squabble ongoing? gyomei knows. temari ball in the lake? gyomei’s already rising to his feet to get it. baby trying to eat a lizard? gyomei’s reaching for it before you can scream at the sight.

his kids love his amazing strength - it’s not uncommon to see them clambering over him and hanging from his arms like he’s a tree in the backyard

his children become excellent climbers

generally a gentle, soft spoken but stern father, his voice carries authority even though he never raises it

dedicated to instilling moral values, being compassionate and kind in every one of his children

he’s an amazing role model for his kids

a shoulder that they can cry and rely on

shinazugawa sanemi

desperately wants a family of his own

for so many years, sanemi has fought tooth and claw to bury this quiet desire in his chest with the excuse that he has no time to think about starting a family, not when demons run amok killing innocents, not when he might die any day, any second

but after the war, when seasons gradually pass and fresh wisteria begin to bloom at the ubuyashiki estate once more, covering the ashes from the explosion on the night of the final battle, sanemi can’t help but begin to think about the future

with you, he dares to hope for happiness

he doesn’t actively try for a child, part of him is still reluctant in so many ways. most of the time he beds you, sanemi tries not to think too much about it

so he’s shocked when he finds out that you’re with his child

when he hears the news, sanemi doesn’t know quite how to feel - all he knows is that his hands are trembling and cold sweat dots his brow - he hasn’t felt this afraid in a long, long time

he has a child. it’s his child, his flesh and blood, a gift from the heavens from your union

and he’s terrified

what if something happens during the pregnancy stage? what if something happens to the child? what if something happens to you? sanemi has already lost so many people - he cannot lose you and this unborn child of his that he hasn’t even seen with his own eyes

it would destroy him

this man has a severe case of emotional constipation so he tries to keep mum about it after a while, but you notice, of course

you work out what’s going on after a bit and have a serious talk with him about it, telling his to believe in your future together

extremely protective over you during the pregnancy, flat out refusing that you do anything strenuous during this critical period - you have to fight to get the broom back from him so that you can actually do something around the house

will throw hands with someone who so much as breathes wrong in your direction

sanemi pls calm down

during the actual childbirth, he’s forced to wait outside while you birth the child

tomioka - tomioka, of all people - is the one who sits by his side without a word, and for once, sanemi appreciates his presence

he prays desperately to any god out there, please, let your childbirth be a safe one, please, let your child come out alright, please-

it goes fine

when sanemi holds the baby in his scarred arms for the first time, he’s completely wordless, tracing his fingers delicately over the baby’s little forehead, brow, nose, lips

you’re a little worried if you broke something in him, but when the newborn grasps sanemi’s finger in their hand tightly, you see sanemi’s back shudder

five second later he’s trembling with the force of his sobs, fighting to keep them down but fat tears are falling down his cheeks as emotion washes and crashes over him

you laugh tiredly in the bed at the sight, and all sanemi manages to choke out is “... they’re ugly as fuck...”

“they look like you, that’s why”

after the childbirth sanemi relaxes significantly, but he’s still very worried about you and the child

contrary to what he says sanemi doesn’t think he’s seen a more beautiful sight

a strict dad, but would have very soft spots for daughters

10/10 overprotective dad

would encourage his kids to throw hands with whichever asshole dares to mess with them, teaches them to throw hands since the day they’re toddlers

“sanemi they can barely walk!!”

“hah? if they can walk they can swing-”

sneaks them treats when he thinks you’re not watching

his kids grow up a little rough, but with a strong sense of justice they get from watching their father

god he’s such a grumpy man but they see the way he treats the weak, elderly and children, with awkward gentleness and fierce protectiveness

they definitely get a family dog!! maybe a shiba inu or a golden retriever

when they’re younger, sanemi finds it a little difficult to connect with them due to his crude tongue, which can lead to conflict and arguments about him seeming unsympathetic

in this aspect, you’ll have to step in to bridge the gap

his children love him dearly, because no matter how barbed his tongue or how rough his personality, it’s difficult to deny just how much he cares about them, even if they want to

his kids love teasing him once they’re a little more grown up, trying to make him admit how soft he actually is

he loves them to bits and would do anything for them

the one thing he hates about them though is how much they like their uncle tomioka too

#demon slayer #demon slayer fanfic #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba fanfic #kimetsu sanemi #kimetsu himejima #himejima x reader #gyomei #kny gyomei #gyomei x reader #kimetsu no yaiba gyomei #gyomei himejima #sanemi fanart #demon slayer shinazugawa #shinazugawa x reader #sanemi #kny #kny fanfic

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jalapeno-princess · 3 years

Text

A Love For The Ages

Mark Tuan X Reader

Word Count: 5.7K

Genre: The fluffiest fluff that I have written in a while and it makes me sad that this isn’t my reality :(

Summary: Being an executive researcher, Mark has a lot on his plate as it is. He has one of the highest positions at the company he’s employed at, which means he has a huge responsibility in bringing the company success. Unfortunately, the more time he spends trying to win over other businesses in to becoming clients and partners, the less time he has to spend with the love of his life. You.

A/N: Hey guys, slowly but surely I am getting back in to the rhythm of writing again but I still have a tendency of starting a story and not finishing it so please be patient with me. This story is based on “Groovy Kind of Love” by Phil Collins and I highly recommend you listen to it it’s so good @God why am I single? Happy reading!

When I'm feeling blue All I have to do Is take a look at you Then I'm not so blue

When you're close to me I can feel your heartbeat I can hear you breathing in my ear

Wouldn't you agree? Baby, you and me Got a groovy kind of love

Any time you want to You can turn me into Anything you want to Any time at all

When I kiss your lips Ooh, I start to shiver Can't control the quivering inside Wouldn't you agree? Baby, you and me Got a groovy kind of love

This is a very big deal, it can bring millions of dollars to our company. The success of our company is in your hands Mark. We’re all counting on you.

Those words repeatedly replayed over and over in his mind like a broken record, taunting him—making him feel as though such a heavy burden was placed on his shoulders. It had already been such a long day at work; he was coming up with multiple proposals, contacting potential clients, checking up with current clients and doing his research on a business deal with one of the biggest tech companies in the world.

Minutes felt like hours and the day went by agonizingly slow. One hour before he was supposed to leave—with the very tiny amount of energy he had left, he reached for his phone and re-read the messages you sent to him at the beginning of his shift. Honestly, your sweet and heartfelt words were what kept Mark going throughout his exhausting and frustrating days at the office. You were his motivation; just looking at a photo of you or hearing your gentle and extremely calming voice could break him out of any dejected state. The thought of arriving home to you is what prevented him from having a nervous breakdown.

Unfortunately, to Mark’s dismay, right as he put his phone down, both the director of his department and his manager walked in to his office to talk about the business deal your boyfriend was assigned to. Just a few months ago, Mark was given a promotion to marketing executive—a position that was usually given to employees that have working at the company for many years.

Your boyfriend was extremely intelligent; he graduated from the University of Southern California with his Master’s degree in business and communication at the prime age of twenty-three years old. He had only been working at the company for a little over seven months when the CEO of the company himself told Mark of how proud he was to have such a hardworking and extremely talented employee working at his company.

Mark was a very humble and soft-spoken individual; he was never one to gloat nor did he ever talk highly of himself. But his colleagues and his higher ups were extremely vocal about the fact that he was one of the best people who worked at the company. As grateful as he was to have been given such a prestigious position, it was also a lot more strenuous and draining work he had to accomplish. It also meant spending more time at the company—working ten to twenty hours overtime and less time with his favorite person in the entire world. You.

He had a hard time understanding how someone could be so selfless, patient and understanding. Not once have you ever made him feel bad about not being home as often as he should and you were so supportive. You did things for him without being asked and you sacrificed so much of your time, effort and energy to make sure he was well taken care of.

You’d wake up an hour earlier than you needed to just to make him breakfast, prepare a nice, hearty lunch, iron his clothes for the day and to make sure he had everything he needed in his suitcase. Some days, he regretted taking on the position. Sure, it was nice getting to call himself an executive, he had a spacious office with a beautiful view of the cityscape all to himself and the pay was pretty good for someone at his age. Yet, none of that mattered to him. He would rather be making less than half of his current pay check and be cooped up in a tight cubicle if it meant getting to be around you more often.

To Mark, you were so much more than just his girlfriend. You were an angel—an otherworldly being sent in his life to be a hiding place; a place of solace, happiness, comfort and love. The two of you have been together for almost three years now and he could confidently say that these last few years have been some of the best years in his entire twenty-seven years of existence.

You were his person; his soulmate. A best friend, personal chef, comedian, nurse, teacher, therapist and shoulder to cry on all in one. Even if he was taught from a young age that nobody was perfect, to Mark—you broke that cliché entirely. Not only were you the most beautiful girl he has ever laid his eyes on; you had one of the most generous hearts and kindest personality someone could have. Everything about you was simply breathtaking and it made him feel like such a terrible boyfriend that he was unable to cherish you and give you the attention that you never failed to shower him with—the attention you deserved. When the two older men explained that the company’s reputation was on the line, he wanted to scream.

There were more than a thousand employees working at the company and he had five other colleagues assisting him in this project, so why were they expecting so much out of him? Mark understood that they believed in him and they were sure he was capable of such great things, but they were only making him feel a lot more pressured than he already was.

He went in to work that morning with a huge smile on his face after waking up an hour earlier to cuddle with you and to catch up on your life since he hasn’t had the time to really talk with you. It was relaxing; he allowed you to do the talking and leaned back so he could really take in your effortless beauty, award winning smile and contagious laughter. Your boyfriend was a simple man. Moments like those were when he was his happiest. Hell, he was his happiest whenever he was in your presence.

You meant the entire world to him and Mark was very good at thanking whatever higher power brought the two of you together on a daily basis for allowing him to be the lucky man who got to love you and be graciously loved by you. His mind was filled with the thought of you and getting to be back in your arms again but eagerness to leave for the day was now ruined.

Their unwavering hope and huge amount of trust in him led him to stay back a couple hours longer. He sent you a few apologetic text messages, claiming that he wanted nothing more than to fall apart in your arms and have you hold him as he cried from how worn out he was but that he really needed to make sure his proposal was one that would impress their aspired business partner and make his management proud. You replied back within seconds, telling him that it was okay and that he should think about taking a vacation to get some well deserved rest. You also told him that you were extremely proud of him, that you loved him with every fiber of your being and that you would wait up for him no matter what time he ended up coming home.

His heart fluttered and he could physically feel his cheeks warm up as his eyes grazed over your love confession. God, he couldn’t even fathom in to words how madly and irrevocably in love with you he was. Your words motivated him; any ounce of fatigue that he felt disappeared and he soon began typing away at his computer. He dug deeper in to his research and made sure to analyze and re-read his proposal to make sure everything was grammatically correct and that there weren’t any spelling errors.

When he felt content with his finished product, he decided to call it a day and mentally groaned when he saw what time it was as he punched out. 11:42 P.M. He was supposed to leave more than five hours ago and it didn’t even matter that he wasn’t as tired as he should be. The image of you sitting on the couch or lying in bed—waiting patiently for him to arrive made his stomach churn.

He came to the decision that once this entire business deal was over, whether the company decided to sign with his or not, he was taking a break and he was determined to make up for lost time by taking you somewhere you have always wanted to go. After packing up and making the journey to the parking lot, he got in to his car and briskly made his way back to your shared apartment—but he came up with an idea out of the blue and made a quick stop at the grocery store to pick you up some flowers and a quart of your favorite ice cream.

Since it was so late, there was hardly any customers and he was glad; not being able to wait any longer to finally be in your embrace again. Although he saw you earlier that morning, any time spent away from you felt like a long, gruesome day—sometimes it felt like weeks. His friends would tease him about how clingy he could be whenever it came to you and that he was whipped beyond belief to which he would immediately respond with a smile.

He didn’t care what anyone had to say about him and the way he was quite the lost puppy because of you. He loved it—it just proved that he loved you more than anyone in the world could possibly love another person. So whenever one of his friends would joke around about how big of a hopeless romantic he was, Mark would shrug them off and boast confidently about how much he adored you and how you were the reason for his existence.

Mark ran at least three red lights and he thanked God that no policeman was around because at the speed he had been driving, your boyfriend was sure to get a ticket or two. The second he pulled in to the garage, he made a beeline up to your unit and prayed that you were still awake. Though, if you just so happened to fall asleep even if you stated that you would wait up for him, he couldn’t blame you.

You were just as much of a hardworking person as he was and you were extremely dedicated to your job as an elementary school teacher. Your boyfriend envied you. It was obvious that you loved your job—you enjoyed working with children from a very young age and even if the pay wasn’t all that great, you didn’t seem to care. One of your characteristics that Mark appreciated the most about you was the fact that you cared about helping others in any way you possibly could, not caring about what you would receive in return.

Plus, unlike a lot of people working nine to five, you genuinely found delight in being able to help enhance the minds of little ones and to teach them everything they needed to know. He’s visited you at your school multiple times and he’s been able to sit in while you taught your students. It was more than just a job to you—Mark knew that you would be a teacher without getting payed if there was ever a situation like that.

He wasn’t being biased because you were his girlfriend but your bubbly personality, the way you would spend your hard earned money to buy your students supplies, gifts and anything you needed for the classroom and just the way you talked with so much excitement in your voice as you’d tell him some stories from work, he knew you were the best teacher your students could have.

When he walked in the door, his heart fluttered at the sight of you in nothing but one of his shirts; your long, smooth legs clad of anything—dancing along to the playlist he made for you of songs that reminded him of you. You were currently standing at the kitchen counter and he could tell you must have been too busy looking at the recipe book while swaying along to Bruno Mars to realize that he was now home.

He bit his lip watching your hips move ever so gently and although his clothes could be a little baggy on you, your curvaceous figure he was obsessed with was on full display. In his opinion, you looked amazing in every single item of clothing you wore. A blouse and a pencil skirt, a little black dress, sweatpants and a hoodie—it didn’t matter, whatever you wore caused his mouth to water. But whenever you’d wear one of his shirts, Mark was sure that’s when you were the most lethal. He wanted to give you his entire closet just so he could see you in his clothing.

Your boyfriend couldn’t really put his finger on it—maybe it was because you were just so beautiful and you matched everything you put on or because seeing you in something that was his reminded him that you belonged to him—that you were his just as much as he was yours.

You had yet to acknowledge his presence and as much as he wanted to continue drinking in your effortless beauty, he was sure the longer he were to watch you, the closer he would get to the brink of insanity, and he just really wanted to kiss you. He attempted to tip toe towards you; he wanted to surprise you and when you jumped as he brought his hands down to your lower waist and placed his chin on your shoulder, he was confident that he succeeded.

“Hey baby. I’ve missed you so much. How was your day?”

You spun around and beamed up at him with your adorable cheesy grin; Mark could feel his heart rate increase. You really were the best thing to ever happen to him. What war did he fight in his past life to deserve you?

“I’ve missed you more my love. Today was great. The kids had a math test and most of them passed with flying colors. There’s also a book fair that started on Monday and they were all so excited to explore the many books on display which gave me a nice break from teaching. I would ask you the same, but by the dark circles under your eyes alone, I can already tell that you had quite the rough day.”

You brought your hands up to his cheeks and cupped either side of his face; grazing your thumbs right under his eyes. He gave you a sad smile before leaning down to place a sweet kiss upon your lips.

“Baby, you know it’s okay to ask for help right? You don’t need to suffer all alone. You already do so much for them and I can totally see why they are putting so much faith in to you, but you’re only human Mark. You’re going to burnout at this rate and I’m afraid that you’re going to end up in the hospital if you keep overworking and stressing too much. I know you want to make everybody happy, but sometimes it’s okay to be selfish if it means putting your happiness first. I made you your favorite; it’s in the fridge, you just have to heat it up. I also pre-ironed your clothes for tomorrow, I did a load of your laundry, I took Milo out for a walk and I’m currently making you some chocolate chip cookies because I know how they’re your weakness and there’s a bath with your name on it—oof—“

He gave you no time to say anything else before pulling you closer to his body if it were even physically possible. Mark’s friend Jackson called the two of you magnets; your boyfriend had the tendency to hold you very tight. Wherever you would go, everyone who knew the two of you could expect Mark to follow along.

This meant grocery shopping, doctor’s visits, family and friend outings, he would even go shopping with you and Mark was the type of boyfriend who followed you around, giving his opinion on what he thought would look good on you—both makeup and clothing wise although he made it clear that you were one of those girls who did not need makeup at all. You were already a sight for sore eyes bare-faced and he’d admit that makeup only enhanced your beauty, but he found you even prettier without anything on your face.

Hearing that you completed all these tasks for him; especially after coming home from work even if you didn’t consider teaching all that burdening—he was sure you were equally as tired—it made tears build up at his eyelids. Mark thanked you on a daily basis for all that you’ve done and continue to do for him. You were so thoughtful and your actions only proved to him that he was your main priority. If only he could say that you were his.

If there was anything Mark could change about his life, it would be the amount of time he’d spend in yours. You never showed nor did you tell him that his lack of presence bothered you, but he had a feeling you probably desired more time with him. The two of you were a couple and even if you’ve been together for quite some time, you both were still in the honeymoon stage. You were practically obsessed with one another, so it was natural that you’d want to be around him more often.

Mark only ever saw you on the weekends; in the morning before work and right before you’d go to sleep. He’d give you gifts and write you letters to show his appreciation but there was so much more he wish he could do to explain just how grateful he was for you. Your boyfriend didn’t even notice that he started to cry until he felt your delicate fingers swiping along his cheeks. Right as you were about to say something, he reconnected your lips together and kissed you fervently. His lips were now smashed against yours; the need to have your mouth against his own was driving him crazy.

Out of everything the two of you did in your relationship, kissing you had to be his favorite. Your boyfriend made it his duty to tell you how he thought you were a goddess and worshiped your body as though it was a holy temple every time he had the chance which was almost always. He adored your facial features and God took his time with you. Every curve, every freckle, beauty mark and birth mark—he could locate each and every single one.

Right after your passionate love making sessions, you’d fall asleep because the two of you normally would go multiple rounds for at least two to three hours. He’d stay up and gaze at you in awe of your gorgeousness—basking in all of your beauty.

Yeah, he was definitely whipped.

Out of all your body parts though, your lips had to be his favorite. Well, other than your breasts, your thighs and your ass. But your lips were so cute; they were heart shaped along with being the prettiest shade of bright red. Plus, they were his own personal drug and to say your lips were addicted was an understatement.

Once he began kissing you, there was no stopping him. It was understandable knowing that make out sessions would turn in to love making sessions not too long afterward. He couldn’t help himself. Your lips molded perfectly with his. It was as if God actually made the two of you for each other and it was a huge honor to call you his significant other.

The older boy lifted you up on to the counter as if it was the easiest thing to do, but it wasn’t something he wasn’t used to. He didn’t even pull away to take a breath or anything, he wanted to continue kissing you—he moaned when you sucked on his bottom lip and brought it in between his teeth. When you pulled away to take a quick breather and to recollect all your sanity, your boyfriend let out the most adorable whine and placed his forehead against yours.

“Wow—um—Hi.” You giggled softly at his choice of words but it was typical Mark to have this kind of reaction after you literally knocked the wind out of him.

“Hi.” He brought his thumb up to your bottom lip and gently glided it—giggling as you brought it in your mouth.

“I love you. There’s nothing else I can say but that and I need you to know that the love I have for you is genuinely indescribable. There aren’t even enough words in the dictionary that can form a sentence that can describe the impact you’ve had in my life. You—you are a marvel. You are everything I could have ever wanted in a life partner and more. So much more. I know you hate it when I say this, but you are perfect. I mean it y/n. Every single thing about you is just simply perfect and I just—thank you for allowing me to be the extremely lucky person who gets to receive your love and affection on a daily basis. You’re my entire universe, you mean everything to me. You are everything to me and I will spend my entire life giving you the world on a silver platter. Today was shit, I don’t even need to go in to detail about it but it fucking sucked. I was supposed to come home to you six hours ago. Six hours—you know how much sex we could have had—ow, what? I’m deprived baby, it’s been an entire week since you got my dick wet but I’ve been fucking hard every single day. Anyways, before you give me bruises and not in the ways I would prefer, all I could do was think about you. You would think my mind would be clouded with this stupid proposal but no. My beautiful baby was all I could think about—what you were doing, what we would be doing if I didn’t work so much, how your day was so far, if you are all your meals, if you were staying hydrated, if you were thinking about me the way I can’t seem to stop thinking about you—“ He brought back some of your hair and placed it behind your ear while playfully poking your nose in the process.

“No matter how shitty work or even just life in general can get; my whole world could shatter and I couldn’t give less of a shit. I could lose my job or get demoted back to my previous position and I wouldn’t care. They could take away my car and force us to move out of this place and I wouldn’t even bat an eye at our misfortune. I don’t need anyone or anything on this hell forsaken earth but you. You’re a need. I need you. I’m nothing without you. I think I would die of a broken heart if I were to lose you and I’m going to make sure that I never end up in a situation where you’re no longer in my life. I hope you know you are stuck with me forever. You’re the reason I wake up with the biggest grin on my face every morning. Whenever I’m feeling sad or I have no energy, I just take a look at you and I remember why I do all that I do. Why I suffer through so much unnecessary bullshit, why I don’t end up in a mental institution—I remember why my heart is always so full and feels as if it’s about to leap out of my chest. You are my reason. You and I, we have a love that people could only dream of experiencing. Fairytales can’t even compare to what we have. My bosses, they always tell me how proud they are of me and they’ll congratulate me about my hard work but I really do not give a shit about anyone else’s opinions other than yours. Oh—before I forget, I um—I bought you some flowers; they didn’t have your favorite but these ones reminded me of you and I also got strawberry cheesecake ice cream to which I’m sure is probably a milkshake now and the flowers are probably smashed but—“

Mark should have expected the kiss as a way to silence him and his insecurities or doubts, it was a reoccurrence whenever he talked negatively about himself or the way he did things. The way you and your boyfriend always reassured each other and complimented one another so frequently was one of the many reasons why the two of you were so perfect together. He was surprised to say the least; most of the time, he took the lead in initiating kisses or your love making sessions because he was the more dominant figure in your relationship but that didn’t mean you couldn’t have your fun every now and then.

Slowly, his hands made their way in to his shirt that you were wearing; gliding his fingers along your hip bones and running his hands down your sides. Both your lips and his were swollen to the tenth degree. The kiss was soon growing sloppy and intense; Mark felt as though his body was on fire and he was being consumed by the flames caused by you and just your presence alone. It didn’t matter that the two of you kissed every single day, he’d get butterflies in his tummy on the daily.

He could be on the verge of falling asleep but the second your lips are on his, Mark would get a burst of energy that he didn’t think he was physically capable of and it would last for the entirety of your late night romp. His dress pants were extremely tight at this point and the frustration he felt from work was now turned in to sexual frustration. Once he was done pouring his heart out to you, he was going to make his way inside of you.

“Mark, you didn’t have to get me anything at all, but I’m extremely grateful. You’re so thoughtful; you sounded so tired and you could have came straight home but you didn’t. They’re beautiful—thank you. I—I’m at a loss for words. I’m still taking that all in. God, we’re so cheesy but I love it and I love you. So fucking much. Everything you just said, the way you feel about me is the exact way I feel about you. Whenever I hear someone say the word “perfect”, my mind automatically wanders off to you. One of my students actually asked about you today, wanting to know when Mr.Mark was going to visit again. I swear, those kids adore you more than they do me and they’ve only met you three times. I don’t blame them though, you’re exceptionally wonderful. I’m not going to lie, I do wish that we could see each other a lot more often. You’re one of the only sources of happiness I have in my life. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining and I’m fine with any kind of communication with you—just hearing your voice keeps me going throughout my day. But I would rather see you in person than through a phone screen during our lunch breaks. I went out with my friends the other night and they were all talking about their relationships and how it’s healthy in a relationship to go on dates frequently to keep the spark alive. I didn’t think about it until they brought it up but we haven’t been on a date in almost two months. We’re both so busy and so exhausted, so I brushed it off. I miss it though, I miss doing cute and domestic things with you. I miss how life used to be like before we entered the real world and had to start adulting. I miss seeing you smile—genuinely. I miss hearing your childlike laugh, it takes a lot more to get a reaction out of you these days but I can understand why. I just—I miss you. You’re here in my arms, yet you feel so far away. I’m sorry, I’m being selfish and I shouldn’t have said anything—“

“Y/n, you’re not being selfish at all baby. Fuck. I’m so sorry. I’ve been such a terrible boyfriend—don’t give me that look, you know it’s the truth. You never fail to make me and our relationship our main priority yet I can’t do the same for you and I hate sitting in my office after hours, thinking about you eating dinner by yourself or having to do errands by yourself. I hate the thought of you being alone. God—you need to know that there is nothing more I want in life than to spend every single minute by your side. I really don’t mean to be so down in the dumps all the time, I’m trying my best to not show how much work is tearing me apart because I don’t want you worrying about me. You already have so much more to worry about. I knew I was neglecting you, but hearing you describe how the distance makes you feel—I’m so fucking sorry baby and I’m sure you’re tired of hearing me apologize but I am sincerely so sorry. I can’t promise you that things will go back to the way they used to be before my promotion but I will promise you that I’ll try harder. I’ll be more involved, I will make sure you never question my feelings for you ever again. I will make sure that you feel loved—cared for—I will take care of you the way you so diligently do for me—to the point where you will get tired of me. You know, if you want me to ask if I can return back to my previous position, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Just say the word and I’ll go back to being a researcher—“ He frowned as you shook your head in disagreement at his proposition.

“There’s no way in hell I’m going to let you lose the job you’ve worked so hard to receive. You’ve worked your ass off for so many years to become the extremely talented and hardworking supervisor of your division you are now. Plus, they were already working you to the bone when you were in research and you were getting paid less than even a fourth of what you are now. I’m sorry baby, I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t want you feeling bad that we hardly ever see each other or that your a terrible boyfriend. You’re the best boyfriend I could ever ask for my love. I love every single thing about you; the way you would sacrifice your food for me if I didn’t end up liking mine, the way your eyes crinkle whenever you laugh, the way you put your heart and soul in to each and every single one of your endeavors, the way I feel so safe and sound in your arms. I will admit, yes, I used to reminisce on what our life used to be like before we both grew so busy, but it’s not like we’re far apart. I know couples who barely even speak to one another and they see each other throughout the entire day. I think the distance makes our hearts grow fonder in a sense. I miss you for hours on end, but the yearning is all worth it once we go to bed together. What’s a couple of years getting to see you only a couple of hours a day when we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together—well, I mean, if that’s what you want but—“

“Don’t finish that sentence. No buts. Unless it’s yours. I swear I went over this with you many times, you’re stuck with me for eternity. I’m going to marry you one day. God, you’re so fucking wonderful. I don’t ever want to stop reminding you of how amazing you are. Those words aren’t even enough to describe how enraptured I am by you. You would think my confession of how madly in love with you I am and how I would rather die than to live in a world without you would be enough to describe just how deep my love for you goes.”

He brought your left hand up to his mouth and kissed the tip of each and every single—letting his lips linger on your ring finger. He giggled as blush soon appeared on to your cheeks in shyness.

“Soon. I promise you. I’ll give you the wedding and the ring of your dreams. Every single guest we invite will be able to witness the love story of a lifetime. Our love is one they’d write novels about. You and I were made for one another. Your soul and mine are one. Every beat of my heart, every breath that I take, it’s all because of you. I can’t wait to see you walk down the aisle—even more so for you to take my last name. Y/n Tuan, sounds perfect to me. I’ve been secretly attaching my last name to your name since the beginning of our relationship. Even only after a month, I knew in my heart that you were the girl I wanted to settle down and start a family with. Forget seeing you in my future, you are my future. After everything you just said to me and all that you prepared for me earlier, I think I might just skip a step and give you a baby. I can’t wait to see you swollen with my baby inside of you. But until then, why don’t I show you just how much I love you while I’m inside of you?”

#got7 imagines #mark tuan #mark tuan imagines #got7 #got7 mark

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morwensteelsheen · 3 years

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I’m starting grad school this autumn and honestly I’m getting nervous. Like yes I am v excited about the whole prospect overall and I do miss being a student but am intimidated by 3 hr long seminars and thesis writing and massive amounts of reading… everyone keeps saying it’s gonna be very different from undergrad so okay, but how specifically? Is it the large amounts of reading? I already had insane amounts of reading (humanities degree hurrah) especially in my last two years but could you expound on your own experience and how you take notes/read quickly/summarize or just how to deal with first time grad students?

Oh, yeah for sure! A necessary disclaimer here is that I'm at a certain poncy English institution that is noted for being very bad at communicating with its students and very bad at treating its postgrad students like human beings, so a lot of these strategies I've picked up will be overkill for anyone who has the good sense to go somewhere not profoundly evil lol.

So I'll just preface this by saying that I am a very poor student in terms of doing what you're supposed to. I'm very bad at taking notes, I never learned how to do it properly, and I really, really struggle with reading dense literature. That said, I'm probably (hopefully?) going to get through this dumb degree just fine. Also — my programme is a research MPhil, not taught, so it's a teensy bit more airy-fairy in terms of structure. I had two classes in Michaelmas term, both were once a week for two hours each; two in Lent, one was two hours weekly, the other two hours biweekly; and no classes at all in Easter. I also have no exam component, I was/am assessed entirely on three essays (accounting for 30% of my overall mark) and my dissertation (the remaining 70%), which is, I think, a little different to how some other programmes are. I think even some of the other MPhils here are more strenuous than that, like Econ and Soc Hist is like 100% dissertation? Anyways, not super important, but knowing what you're getting marked on is important. I dedicated considerably less time than I did in undergrad to perfecting my coursework essays because they just don't hold as much weight now. The difference between a 68 and a 70 just wasn't worth the fuss for me, which helped keep me sane-ish.

The best advice anyone ever gave me was that, whereas an undergrad degree can kind of take over your life without it becoming a problem, you need to treat grad school like a job. That's not because it's more 'serious' or whatever, but because if you don't set a really strict schedule and keep to it, you'll burn yourself out and generally make your life miserable. Before I went back on my ADD meds at the end of Michaelmas term, I sat myself down at my desk and worked from 11sh to 1800ish every day. Now that I'm medicated, I do like 9:30-10ish to 1800-1900 (except for now that I'm crunching on my diss, where, because of my piss-poor time management skills I'm stuck doing, like, 9:30-22:30-23:00). If you do M-F 9-5, you'll be getting through an enormous amount of work and leaving yourself loads of time to still be a human being on the edges. That'll be the difference between becoming a postgrad zombie and a person who did postgrad. I am a postgrad zombie. You do not want to be like me.

The 'work' element of your days can really vary. It's not like I was actually consistently reading for all that time — my brain would have literally melted right out of my ears — but it was about setting the routine and the expectation of dedicating a certain, consistent and routinized period of time for focusing on the degree work every day. My attention span, even when I'm medicated, is garbage, so I would usually read for two or three hours, then either work on the more practical elements of essay planning, answer emails, or plot out the early stages of my research.

In the first term/semester/whatever, lots of people who are planning on going right into a PhD take the time to set up their applications and proposals. I fully intended on doing a PhD right after the MPhil, but the funding as an international student trying to deal with the pandemic proved super problematic, and I realised that the toll it was taking on my mental health was just so not worth it, so I've chosen to postpone a few years. You'll feel a big ol' amount of pressure to go into a PhD during your first time. Unless you're super committed to doing it, just try and tune it out as much as you can. There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking a year (or two, or three, or ten) out, especially given the insane conditions we're all operating under right now.

I'll be honest with you, I was a phenomenally lazy undergrad. It was only by the grace of god and being a hard-headed Marxist that I managed to pull out a first at the eleventh hour. So the difference between UG and PG has been quite stark for me. I've actually had to do the reading this year, not just because they're more specialised and relevant to my research or whatever, but because, unlike in UG, the people in the programme are here because they're genuinely interested (and not because it's an economic necessity) and they don't want to waste their time listening to people who haven't done the reading.

I am also a really bad reader. Maybe it's partially the ADD + dyslexia, but mostly it's because I just haven't practiced it and never put in the requisite effort to learn how to do it properly. My two big pointers here are learning how to skim, and learning how to prioritise your reading.

This OpenU primer on skimming is a bit condescending in its simplicity, but it gets the point across well. You're going to want to skim oh, say, 90% of the reading you're assigned. This is not me encouraging you to be lazy, it's me being honest. Not every word of every published article or book is worth reading. The vast majority of them aren't. That doesn't mean the things that those texts are arguing for aren't worth reading, it just means that every stupid rhetorical flourish included by bored academics hoping for job security and/or funding and/or awards isn't worth your precious and scarce time. Make sure you get the main thrust of each text, make sure you pull out and note down one or two case studies and move right the hell on. There will be some authors whose writing will be excellent, and who you will want to read all of. Everything else gets skimmed.

Prioritisation is the other big thing. You're going to have shitty weeks, you're probably going to have lots of them. First off, you're going to need to forgive yourself for those now — everybody has them, yes, even the people who graduated with distinctions and go on to get lovely £100,000 AHRC scholarships. Acknowledge that there will be horrible weeks, accept it now, and then strategise for how to get ahead of them. My personal strategy is to plan out what I'm trying to get out of each course I take, and then focus only on the readings that relate to that topic.

I took a course in Lent term that dealt with race and empire in Britain between 1607 and 1900; I'm a researcher of the Scottish far left from 1968-present, so the overlap wasn't significant. But I decided from the very first day of the course that I was there to get a better grasp about the racial theories of capitalism and the role of racial othering in Britain's subjugation of Ireland. Those things are helpful to me because white supremacist capitalism comes up hourly in my work on the far left, and because the relationship of the Scottish far left to Ireland is extremely important to its self definition. On weeks when I couldn't handle anything else, I just read the texts related to that. And it was fine, I did fine, I got my stupid 2:1 on the final essay, and I came out of it not too burnt out to work on my dissertation.

Here is where I encourage you to learn from my mistakes: get yourself a decent group of people who you can have in depth conversations about the material with. I was an asshole who decided I didn't need to do that with any posh C*mbr*dge twats, and I have now condemned myself to babbling incomprehensible nonsense at my partner because I don't have anyone on my course to work through my ideas with. These degrees are best experienced when they're experienced socially. In recent years (accelerated by the pandemic, ofc), universities have de-emphasised the social component of postgrad work, largely to do with stupid, long-winded stuff related to postgrad union organising etc. It's a real shame because postgrads end up feeling quite socially isolated, and because they're not having these fun and challenging conversations, their work actually suffers in the long term. This is, and I cannot stress this enough, the biggest departure from undergrad. Even the 'weak links' or whatever judgemental nonsense are there because they want to be. That is going to be your biggest asset. Talk, talk, talk. Listen, listen, listen. Offer to proofread people's papers so you get a sense of how people are thinking about things, what sort of style they're writing in, what sources they're referring to. Be a sponge and a copycat (but don't get done for plagiarism, copy like this.) Also: ask questions that seem dumb. For each of your classes, ask your tutors/lecturers who they think the most important names in their discipline are. It sounds silly, but it's really helpful to know the intellectual landscape you're dealing with, and it means you know whose work you can go running to if you get lost or tangled up during essay or dissertation writing!

You should also be really honest about everything — another piece of advice that I didn't follow and am now suffering for. The people on your courses and in your cohort are there for the same reasons as you, have more or less the same qualifications as you, and are probably going to have a lot of the same questions and insecurities as you. If you hear an unfamiliar term being used in a seminar, just speak up and ask about it, because there're going to be loads of other people wondering too. But you should also cultivate quite a transparent relationship with your supervisor. I was really cagey and guarded with mine because my hella imposter syndrome told me she was gonna throw my ass out of the programme if I admitted to my problems. Turns out no, she wouldn't, and that actually she's been a super good advocate for me. If you feel your motivation slipping or if you feel like you're facing challenges you could do with a little extra support on, go right to your supervisor. Not only is that what they're there to do, they've also done this exact experience before and are going to be way more sympathetic and aware of the realities of it than, say, the uni counselling service or whatever.

Yeah so I gotta circle back to the notes thing... I really do not take notes. It's my worst habit. Here's an example of the notes I took for my most recent meeting with my supervisor (revising a chapter draft).

No sane person would ever look at these and think this is a system worth replicating lol. But the reason they work for me is because I also record (with permission) absolutely everything. My mobile is like 90% audio recordings of meetings and seminars lol. So these notes aren't 'good' notes, but they're effective for recalling major points in the audio recording so I can listen to what was said when I need to.

Sorry none of this is remotely organised because it's like 2330 here and my brain is so soft and mushy. I'm literally just writing things as I remember them.

Right, so: theory is a big thing. Lots of people cheap out on this and it's to their own detriment. You say you're doing humanities, and tbh, most of the theory involved on the humanities side of the bridge is interdisciplinary anyways, so I'm just gonna give you some recommendations. The big thing is to read these things and try to apply them to what you're writing about. This sounds so fucking condescending but getting, like, one or two good theoretical frameworks in your papers will actually put you leaps and bounds beyond the students around you and really improve your research when the time comes. Also: don't read any of these recommendations without first watching, like an intro youtube video or listening to a podcast. The purists will tell you that's the wrong way to do it, but I am a lazy person and lazy people always find the efficient ways to do things, so I will tell the purists to go right to hell.

Check out these impenetrable motherfuckers (just one or two will take your work from great to excellent, so don't feel obliged to dig into them all):

Karl Marx and Fredrich Engels (I'm not just pushing my politics, but also, I totally am) — don't fucking read Capital unless you're committed to it. Oh my god don't put yourself through that unless you really have to. Try, like, the 18th Brumaire of Louis Napoleon for the fun quotes, and Engels on the family.

Frantz Fanon — Wretched of the Earth. Black Skin White Masks also good, slightly more impossible to read

Benedict Anderson — Imagined Communities. It's about nationalism, but you will be surprised at how applicable it is to... so many other topics

Judith Butler — she really sucks to read. I love her. But she sucks to read. If you do manage to read her though, your profs will love you because like 90% of the people who say they've read her are lying

Bourdieu — Distinction is good for a lot of things, but especially for introducing the idea of social and cultural capital. There's basically no humanities sub-discipline that can't run for miles on that alone.

Crenshaw — the genesis of intersectionality. But, like, actually read her, not the ingrates who came after her and defanged intersectionality into, like, rainbow bombs dropped over Gaza.

The other thing is that you should read for fun. My programme director was absolutely insistent that we all continue to read for pleasure while we did this degree, not just because it's good for destressing, but because keeping your cultural horizons open actually makes your writing better and more interesting. I literally read LOTR for the first time in, like February, and the difference in my writing and thinking from before and after is tangible, because not only did it give me something fun to think about when I was getting stressy, but it also opened up lots of fun avenues for thought that weren't there before. I read LOTR and wanted to find out more about English Catholics in WWI, and lo and behold something I read about it totally changed how I did my dissertation work. Or, like, a girl on my course who read the Odyssey over Christmas Break and then started asking loads of questions about the role of narrative creation in the archival material she was using. It was seriously such a good edict from our director.

Also, oh my god, if you do nothing else, please take this bit seriously: forgive yourself for the bad days. The pressure in postgrad is fucking unreal. Nobody, nobody is operating at 100% 100% of the time. If you aim for 60% for 80% of the time and only actually achieve 40% for 60% of the time, you will still be doing really fucking well. Don't beat yourself up unnecessarily. Don't make yourself feel bad because you're not churning out publishable material every single day. Some days you just need to lie on the couch, order takeout, and watch 12 hours of Jeopardy or whatever, and I promise you that that is a good and worthwhile thing to do. You don't learn and grow without rest, so forgive yourself for the moments and days of unplanned rest, and forgive yourself for when you don't score as highly as you want to, and forgive yourself when you say stupid things in class or don't do all of (or any of) the class reading.

Uhhhh I think I'm starting to lose the plot a bit now. Honestly, just ping me whatever questions you have and I'm happy to answer them. There's a chance I'll be slower to respond over the next few days because my dissertation is due in a week (holy fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but I will definitely respond. And honestly, no question is too dumb lol. I wish I'd been able to ask someone about things like what citation management software is best or how to set up a desk for maximum efficiency or whatever, but I was a scaredy-cat about it and didn't. So yeah, ask away and I will totally answer.

#asks

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puddygeeks · 4 years

Text

𝙼𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝙳𝚊𝚢𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖 - 𝙿𝚘𝚎 𝙳𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚘𝚗 𝚡 𝙾𝙲 - 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟹: 𝙵𝚘𝚛 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙲𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: A street kid turned starfighter racer from Corellia, born in the midst of the Galactic Civil War, finds her racing career at an end. Determined to seek out a new life, she embarks on a series of misadventures that culminate in her finally enlisting in the Resistance. She’s stunned to discover that her old racing nemesis, Poe Dameron, is a valued member of the organisation and has to confront the maddening effect that his charming smile has on her heart.

Fandom: Star Wars

Pairing: OC x Poe Dameron

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Language, sex (lack of smut), mentions of torture.

Chapter Three

“Honey I’m home!” I called as I stuck my head out of the cruiser that Han and I had built from scrap and climbed out to drop down onto the docking bay. Marching through the Eravana with the confidence of a job well done, I passed through the sizable cargo ship with a comfortable familiarity. I’d discovered that being part of Han’s crew had given me a strange sense of belonging and that sometimes it’s simply the people that make somewhere a home, rather than the length of time that you spend there.

As I entered the cockpit, I threw a neatly wrapped packet into Chewbacca’s expectant hands in a well practiced routine. “You didn’t think I’d forget, did you?” I smirked and he growled back thankfully. I opened my mouth to question the absence of our captain, when heavy footsteps from behind us announced his arrival. Han held his hands on his hips as he assessed me and I knew that he was eagerly awaiting a report.

“Well, were they happy with the donation?” He enquired with a nervous shift in posture that I quickly recognised. He was always antsy when we delivered to the Resistance and although hiding out in the ship whilst I handled the covert supply drops had been his idea, he still seemed on edge every time that I returned.

“They were very grateful.” I confirmed and observed as he released a slow breath that I hadn’t realised he was holding. He visibly began to relax now that he knew the job was complete and I decided that it was best for me to relay my message now, rather than waiting until later when I would make him uncomfortable by bringing it up again. “General Organa sent her personal thanks. After she grilled me on how you were.” I crooned with a sly smile and Han’s face dropped at my words.

“You spoke to Leia? I thought I specifically told you to go through my contact and to keep it under the radar?” He groaned in an exasperated manner and there was a clear hurt in his voice.

Although I hated witnessing Han even slightly upset, I also considered his avoidance of his wife a poor coping mechanism and hoped that in time I might be able to convince him to speak to her. Thanks to Chewbacca, I knew the bare basics of what had occurred with his family, but I could tell from my brief visits to the Resistance that the General missed him. Over our many years together, I’d come to care for and depend on Han, and it was a continuous drain for me to watch him floundering in smuggling, knowing in my heart that he wasn’t truly happy.

“You did, and for once I actually followed your orders exactly. You don’t seriously think the General doesn’t know that they’re from you, just because I attend in my own ship? Even you and I can’t smuggle our way past that woman, she knows all.” I drawled in a light tone in an effort to combat the growing tension in the space and he sighed deeply. His frustrated, jerky movements made it all too obvious that he was distressed by this information and a heavy silence sat between us as he continued his internal battle. The atmosphere always became awkward when we discussed anything surrounding his family and I glanced over at Chewbacca for backup. He rapidly turned away as if he hadn’t seen me and I knew that I would have to take the chance of saying what needed to be said alone, which had become a well practiced routine.

“Look, I know it’s not really my place to comment, but why do we need to keep doing this discreetly? If she already knows who it’s coming from, why don’t we just go straight to the source and find out exactly what they need? Surely-”

“No!” Han cut me off sharply and I startled at his sudden outburst. Realising that he had been unnecessarily harsh, he calmed himself before speaking again but his tone remained firm. “We’re not involved in this fight and we’re going to keep it that way.” He ordered and I threw my arms up in exasperation at his unwillingness to compromise.

“Why are we even here then?” I grilled as I felt the bitterness of disappointment gripping my chest and attempted to remain in control of my temper. It seemed ridiculous to continue in this charade and I couldn’t understand the sense of associating with the Resistance if it was such a strenuous task for him. It seemed that he wanted to remain on the outskirts of something that was too precious to completely remove himself from, whilst his fear ensured that he never invested fully.

“We’re here because it makes good business sense. We’re smugglers, we follow where the money is and right now, the Resistance has the biggest budget in the galaxy.” He justified in a poor attempt to conceal his emotional attachment to this arrangement and I couldn’t contain a disbelieving scoff that escaped my lips.

“Good business sense?! Since when have you ever had that?” I retorted as I crossed my arms and scrutinised him with an unimpressed expression. He squirmed under my gaze as I waited for him to provide another excuse, but eventually it became clear that he didn’t intend to do so. “Are you seriously going to pretend that this is about money? We both know that we’re doing this so that you can help the Resistance and evade her at the same time. I just don’t understand why when she so obviously wants to talk to you. Can’t you just take a delivery yourself, use it as a way to start a conversation?” I suggested in a desperate bid to reach past his carefully placed defenses but I knew from his face that he was about to shut me out again.

“You’re right, you don’t understand.” He stated in a cold tone and I stubbornly fought back the feeling of hurt that lingered at the back of my mind. Every night when I laid in bed, I wished that he would allow me to support him with his pain as he always had for me, but he was never ready to speak about it. It was a struggle not to take it personally, but I tried to remain patiently at his side. “I’m gonna finish the check on the thrusters. Be ready to get going in five.” He mumbled before he turned on his heel and stormed away. A deep disappointed sigh fell from my mouth as I settled into the pilot's seat and Chewbacca groaned loudly at me.

“Well, you weren’t going to say anything. Maybe if you weren’t so soft on him, I wouldn’t have to push him.” I defended, earning an indignant tone in his response and I furrowed my brows at the co-pilot in offense. I was relieved that the mechanic Han had introduced me to during my racing career had been a wookie, as it had allowed me to become well practiced at Shyriiwook and meant that I didn’t have to rely on Han’s biased translations. “Oh, bro-code my ass. You’re a wimp.” I grumbled, to which he promptly rotated his chair so that I was no longer in his line of sight.

***

It had been a year since I first delivered to the Resistance and each time that I saw the General our talks grew a little longer. The routine had become familiar and I found myself growing comfortable in my new role. I busied myself with unloading our latest donation until I had a gentle cough from behind that caught my attention.

“My dear girl, we really must stop meeting like this.” General Organa’s voice was warm and welcoming as she entered our drop off point and I smiled fondly at her. There was an overpowering wisdom about her that encouraged a calmer side of me when in her company and I enjoyed our brief, infrequent talks over deliveries.

“This place has really grown recently.” I stated absentmindedly as I stared through the trees at the rapidly developing base and she watched me with interest. I’d never been inclined toward a lifestyle as structured as the Resistance, nor serving under the New Republic. It all seemed dependent on far more training and commitment than had ever been in my nature, but the more time that I spent in the General’s company, the more I found myself wondering if I would ever grow to become as undoubtedly level-headed and respectable as she was.

“It certainly has. It’s truly astounding what a determined group of outstanding people can achieve.” She commented in her usually wise manner and I hummed quietly under my breath. “It’s far more impressive up close, perhaps I could give you a tour?” She offered with an alluring smile and I felt a guilty tug at my heartstrings as I thought of Han waiting in the ship for my return. I couldn’t deny the temptation of the exciting base, as it’s large airfield called out to me with it’s promise of adventure and I glanced between it and the delivery conflictingly. “Come, it won’t take long and my boys will ensure that your donation is safely transported.” She crooned as she placed a hand gently on the small of my back to guide me and I allowed her to shuffle me along without protest. I knew that Han would expect me to take a while signing over the stock anyway and so resolved to simply ensure that I was quick enough to be back around the same time as usual.

General Organa led me into the bustling activity of the impressive base and I was pleasantly surprised by the variety of people present. There was a strong sense of purpose that was almost tangible in the air and I could feel it’s intoxicating effect washing over me as my guide cleverly presented their fleet. The assortment of craft was dizzying and although there was nothing particularly new or flashy here, I found myself feeling envious of the variety of ships that the engineers were able to work on. The General keenly studied my expressions as I gazed over the hangar with awe and she cleared her throat as she prepared to make her case.

“You know, there could be a place for you here, Jax. A young woman with your kind of skills and experience would be an incredibly valuable asset to the resistance.” She stated calmly and I peered over at her with confusion.

“No offense General, but what would you know about my experience?” I asked with a subtle defensiveness and I was taken about when she chuckled under her breath. My activities over the past seven years didn’t seem the type that would match well with a respectable military organisation like the Resistance and I could only conceive that she’d been confused by the well mannered behaviour that I’d shown in every interaction with her. Although our relationship had grown more casual over the years that I had been supplying for her, I still maintained my respect when speaking to her and couldn’t imagine that she realised how different I was when with Han.

“Oh, I know a great deal more than you would expect. My husband wasn’t the only one to keep track of you when you disappeared from Corellia. If your reputation is accurate, you are reckless, unpredictable and cunning, but according to his description you are also determined, passionate, loyal and willing to fight for your beliefs. Those qualities are invaluable.” She confirmed with a slightly mischievous twinkle in her eyes as she scrutinised me and I shuffled on the spot with embarrassment. I hadn’t ever considered that Han would discuss me with his family and I cringed as I considered the numerous foolish decisions of my past that could have been shared with her. “We don’t discriminate here. If an individual can fly, or fight, or contribute in any way and are willing to be somewhere that matters, we’ll welcome them with open arms. There are people from all walks of life here, I’m sure you could find your place.” She offered in a tantalising pitch and I sighed thoughtfully as I considered the opportunity.

“It’s a very kind offer and I really appreciate it, but I need to be getting back to my Captain.” I answered tactfully, despite the feeling of disappointment that blossomed in my chest and rather than looking disappointed, she smiled as if she had expected it.

“You truly care for him, don’t you?” She enquired, her eyes focusing in to examine me closely so that I felt I couldn’t lie, even if I had desired to do so. I nodded slowly and a genuine appreciation spread across her finely aged face. “I’m pleased, it’s a relief that he has you to monitor him. He can be deeply foolish at times.” She remarked with a far off expression and I chuckled lightly in agreement. “Should you ever tire of smuggling, my offer will always stand. And that applies to your stubborn old Captain too.” She winked for the first time that I’d ever seen and as I strode away from her to return to my ship, her words swirled in my head, leaving me with more to consider than ever before.

***

The clunky fighter ship lurched dramatically and I was thrown in my seat as I struggled to maintain my grip on the control panel. My gunner set up was extreme and difficult to control as a result of being built from a combination of mismatched parts and although I’d been trained to use it before, I’d never staked our survival on it until now. As I frantically fired upon the surrounding fleet, Han & Chewbacca attempted to manoeuvre us out of the mess that I had once again caused. It was difficult not to be overwhelmed by the onslaught of tie fighters that whizzed around us and as I felt myself beginning to crumble under the pressure, I recalled what I had just witnessed.

The bodies that littered the streets, families fleeing in terror, desperately clinging to their children, destruction on a scale that I could never imagine happening in front of me and a pit of anger bubbled from inside me. My hands squeezed around the controls tightly until my knuckles turned white and I threw myself around on the robustly rotating chair with a newfound veracity.

“They’re flanking us!” Han’s panic stricken voice rang loudly through the tight space and I focused on the cluster of ships with a frightening accuracy. For a while, the combination of my fury filled shooting and Han’s legendary piloting seemed to be making quick work of the pursuing forces, until a cruiser arrived to loom over us menacingly. I felt my stomach plummet at the sight of it and my hands began to shake. “Now we’ve got trouble! Hang on back there kid, I’m gonna get us out of here.” Han’s voice, although assertive, revealed his terror and I took a deep breath as I awaited his moves.

I could barely tell which way was up any longer as the ship rocketed through motions that I would never have dared and the force threw me around manically. For a while, I couldn’t tell what was happening, until I heard the telltale sounds of the engine warming for a jump to lightspeed and realised that Han had simply been creating enough space for us to escape. The surging sounds became overpowering as we hurtled through a dizzying display of lights and I prayed that this would be enough to lose the attackers.

I took a moment to catch my breath as we slowed to a reasonable speed, but before I could even open my mouth to question, we were thrown into another crushing journey. After multiple mind bending jumps, we finally emerged into an unfamiliar system and I felt as if my head might explode from the strain. I hesitated for a few moments to ensure that we definitely weren’t moving any time soon and then hastily removed myself from the harness to check on Han and Chewbacca. From the moment that I stepped off the ladder into their floor, Han strode toward me with a fire burning in his eyes.

“That stunt you pulled back there was stupid and reckless! We don’t tangle with the First Order for a reason, do you see that now?” He yelled and I could feel the anger radiating from him in waves. His attitude only further fueled my already frazzled temper and I stared back at him in disbelief.

“They killed all of those people Han, slaughtered them where they stood, for nothing! I couldn’t just leave them.” I defended in a disappointed tone and he scoffed bitterly. He opened his mouth to attack again but I cut him off sharply. “It was a little girl, she would’ve died! I didn’t even think before I acted and I won’t apologise for that.” I spat with a tone of disgust and I noticed that his nostrils flared with the rapidness of his breathing.

“You could have helped her without drawing attention to us. I didn’t give you a blaster to shoot StormTroopers with!” He scolded like an incensed parent and I threw my hands up in exasperation. I couldn’t believe that we were arguing about logistics over such a horrific situation. “You almost got us killed. For the hundredth time, we are not political, Jax! It’s not our fight.” He argued as he dropped from shouting to a desperate plea and I laughed darkly under my breath. The energy of the pent up emotions that I was mentally battling caused me to pace around as I spoke in an effort to maintain control of my words.

“We’re not political? I’m so sick of hearing you say that! We’ve been delivering supplies to the Resistance for 4 years, since its inception. How can you try to separate us from that?” I growled as I concentrated on controlling the flow of my thoughts and although I could tell that Han was simmering back down now, my venom was far from spent.

“We are contractors, that’s it! We’re not part of the Resistance, we’re already separate.” He confirmed in a pedantic examination and I felt the last of my reserve finally snap at his continued agenda. This situation had been worsening between us for several years and I could no longer patiently wait for him to be ready to address it. I’d spent enough time travelling to gather the pieces around his past and discovered the full reasoning for his refusal to resolutely pick a side in the war that was brewing across the entire galaxy.

“Of course we’re not, because you’re not willing to do too much, or to actually include yourself in the organisation that opposes your son! I don’t know how you can watch all those people die and just do nothing?!” I cried with a rawness to my voice that I had never allowed to show before and I watched as a combination of hurt and fresh anger crossed Han’s face. I hadn’t meant to spurt out such a personal attack, but the strain of avoiding the topic had finally crashed over me and I could no longer control the words that fell from my lips.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” He growled in a low voice and I could feel myself being puppeted by the fury that washed over me.

“Well maybe I would if you ever told me the truth! You lay down all these rules for being a part of your crew but you don’t even follow them yourself. You change your mind like the wind. You’ve forgotten all of the smuggler guidelines and morals that you used to preach when I was a kid, you’re backstabbing people and gambling harder with every job. Chewie told me that you almost lost the Falcon twice before someone finally stole it for good! Whether you want to talk about it or not, something is clearly eating you alive and it’s making you reckless. I can’t keep following a Captain like that and ignore the suffering around me. We need to fight!” The words flowed out of me in a jumbled, emotional blur and Han’s brows furrowed together as I revealed desires that I buried from him for a long time,

“If you’re so desperate to fight, why don’t you just go join the Resistance?!” He spat with an indignant attitude that crawled under my skin and I felt my hands shaking in resentment.

“You know what, maybe I will! General Organa has asked me to join every single time I’ve delivered over the past 4 years and I’ve always turned her down. Maybe that was a mistake” I retorted in a childish manner and he scoffed with an expression that revealed that he had long suspected this was the case.

“Go ahead, I’m not stopping you!” He stated firmly as he held out his hands in an offer and I clenched my jaw in frustration.

“Fine!” I growled with a determined tone. “I’ll pack my stuff, you know where to drop me off.” I announced as I turned on my heel to stomp off to my small lodgings in the ship.

In a saddening similarity to when I left Corellia, my modest possessions fit into a single holdall and it took very little time for me to be ready to leave. A heavy tension filled the air as I remained sat on the bed and awaited our arrival to the Resistance. Although the decision had been made in conflict, I felt in my gut that this desire to fight had been lingering inside of me for some time. I’d heard some horrifying things during my time smuggling with Han and we’d arrived to find the aftermath of attacks before, but seeing the devastation that they caused firsthand today had lit a fire inside me.

I adjusted my clothing to ensure that I would look presentable, despite the knowledge that the General at least would be thrilled to see me, no matter what I wore. In the back of my mind, I worried that I might resemble a smuggler too much as I examined my reflection and attempted to push my curly, ebony hair into some kind of style. It fell scruffily around my jaw and there was a thick silver stripe of hair running right from my parting to the tips near my face. I’d possessed this my entire life and regardless of many attempts to cover it, it remained stubbornly visible. The slight hint of my first serious crash was still evident in the burnt section of skin on my left temple and as an adult, I’d grown fond of the battle worn look that it gave me.

I wore a black bodysuit, with open sections on the side that revealed some skin around my waist and a gap near the top. On my bottom half were some standard, tough grey trousers and I slid an old brown jacket with a fleece trim over the top to cover some of the less appropriate clothing. A thin chain hung around my neck with a simple gold circle hanging from it, which was the last treasure of my family. I stared into my large brown eyes and took a deep breath.

The ship touched down on the surface of D’Qar and I snatched up my bag before I could think twice. I marched toward the exit with a forced confidence, despite the nerves that fizzled in my stomach. As I reached the door, I paused and Han appeared at my side with a remorseful expression.

“You don’t have to go.” He muttered as he stared at the door in an effort to avoid meeting my eyes and I steeled myself to contain the tears that threatened to escape. This was the right decision for us both, I knew that in my heart but the reality of leaving my home and the troublesome pair who had become my family was more difficult than I had even anticipated.

“I know, but I think it’s time.” I replied quietly and he sighed deeply. A few moments of silence passed whilst we both remained frozen to the spot, a million unspoken words filling the empty space between us. There was a tug at the back of my mind to stay, to watch over Han and his self destructing behaviours no matter the cost but I felt the call of the Resistance louder than anything else.

“I always knew that I couldn’t keep a young fire like you away from the good fight forever. I’m just glad that you allowed me to protect you for so many years.” He admitted as he finally risked glancing over at me with a sentimental expression.

“Are you sure it wasn’t the other way around, old man?” I teased with an emotional smile. For a moment, I was hopeful that this didn’t have to be goodbye and that he could continue protecting me, even in my new role.

“I can’t come with you, Jax.” He added in a sombre voice and I felt my face fill with disappointment.

“Why not? Every time the General asked me to join, she told me that there was a place for you too. They could really use your experience Han, you could teach them so much.” I pleaded with desperation as I clung to our bond and he smiled at me in understanding.

“I just can’t, kid.” He stated as his voice almost broke and I nodded slowly in heartbroken acceptance. It was gut wrenching to accept that all of my years of carefully attempting to guide him back to his wife had failed, but I finally had to face that he was not able to conquer his fear. The time had come for me to acknowledge that our paths had to split and I sighed at the thought. “Besides, they won’t need me, I’ve taught you everything I know.” He remarked lightly with a proud twinkle in his eye and I forced a sad smile.

“What will you do?” I asked with concern, as I considered the disasters he could get into without my place as his voice of reason and he shrugged casually at me as if it weren’t a big deal.

“It’s a big galaxy, plenty of people I haven’t conned yet.” He jested with a familiar hint of playfulness in his voice and I felt a fond smile spread across my lips. I tried to force down the anxiety that threatened to crush my chest and reminded myself that he had been a successful smuggler for years before me. “Don’t worry, I’ll be better than I have recently, Chewie can make sure of that.” He asserted and I found that this was more reassuring than any level of trying to convince myself to trust him.

Before I could respond, Chewbecca appeared from wherever he’d been eavesdropping with a pained cry and rushed over to pull me into an embrace that almost resulted in me suffocating in his fur.

“I know Chewie, I’ll miss you too buddy.” I crooned as I extracted myself from his grip and craned my neck to glance up at him. “Looks like you’ll have to be the bad cop now, think you can handle that?” I teased, earning a dissatisfied groan.

“You be careful with the Resistance, don’t ever let them ask for too much from you and don’t let them get you killed.” Han ordered in a stern, parental manner and I saluted him mockingly.

“Yes Captain.” I answered in a monotone voice and he rolled his eyes at my performance. “Be careful here too. And tell me when you’re ready to search again for the Falcon! I can’t stand the idea of seeing it in anyone else’s hands.” I instructed with an aggressive point at them both and Han held his hands up in surrender. I turned to press the door release and it opened to reveal the familiar sights of the base.

“If you ever need me for anything, no matter how small, you know how to reach me.” Han added with a sense of finality and I glanced back over my shoulder at him. I took one last scan of the inside of the ship that I had long considered home, before finally stepping onto the ramp to descend into my future.

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doomedandstoned · 4 years

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AS I DIE AT MY DESK

Interview by Shawn Gibson

Can you tell me the meaning of the band name As I Die At My Desk? I imagine dying in a cubicle in corporate hell!

The honest answer to this is that it was a joke. I overheard a co worker say it at work and I thought it would be a hilarious band name. It is also a bit ironic as I always told myself that I would do work I truly love and follow my passions as they tell you that stuff in high school and college and it hasn't worked out that way for me yet! I am not deterred. I do get to make music in my spare time. Music gets to be my fun escape. It gets to be my artistic outlet that I don't have to share if I don't want to. All that aside I am a man who loves to laugh and loves to joke. Despite the themes and sounds of the music which are very real and emotionally heavy for me, the band name was a way to take the piss out of the situation. I can laugh at myself for being a weirdo who likes heavy music, where people scream and howl like demons and laugh even harder at how ridiculous I must look doing that in the bedroom for my music. I am pretty serious about most things, but I have to remember to have fun. That is what I think is important. I'm sorry it's not a very metal answer!

Suicide as Cleansing by As I Die at My Desk

You do everything in As I Die At My Desk, all instruments right?

Yes, I do all instruments and my main goal is to try to not suck. I actually record through a pre amp and I use different virtual amp sims like Amplitube for my tones. I used my Sterling by Music Man John Petrucci 7 string guitar, Ibanez BTB7 7 string bass, and an Alesis brand electric drum set for this record. It's a pretty basic setup, but given the size of my recording space, it's the best I can do. I have been writing for the past eight years or so. This is my first attempt at a metal release despite the fact I am a huge metal head! I was pretty happy with what I was able to do by myself.

What are your influences musically?

My influences range from classical music to jazz to anything under the rock umbrella. I am particularly interested in Soviet era composers. Dmitri Shostakovich, Sergei Prokofiev, and Igor Stravinsky. The first instrument I started playing was a cello at age 10. I graduated college in 2016 and gave a recital featuring Shostakovich and Prokofiev. The desperation and darkness they were able to convey so beautifully have influenced me greatly. I don't have a lot of experience with jazz, but the works of Coltrane, Thelonios Monk and especially Miles Davis have influenced me, as well. I just love especially experimental music and anything that ties to reshape and reform the genres wherein they find themselves pigeonholed. My music doesn't really sound like it to me, but Dream Theater and Iron Maiden are two of my favorites. I didn't actually start to get into doom or sludge until college. Now I love that stuff! Eyehategod is one of my newer favorite bands, as well as Sumac and YOB.

What are some of your favorite books and movies?

I tend to read non-fiction. I am a big history nerd. However I have spent a lot of time in the fiction world, as well. Some of my favorites are Catch 22 by Joseph Heller, Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Twelve Chairs by Ilf and Petrov. I am a big Lynch and Tarantino fan! Blue Velvet and Eraserhead are two of my favorite films. Reservoir Dogs had a really big impact on me, as well. I first saw it when I was 14. It was so gritty and real to me then. That was a very realistic show of violence.

Are you a fan of horror books or movies?

I was a bigger fan of horror when I was in high school. I must have read every Stephen King a dozen times. I don't tend to like a lot of horror books or movies. There are some exceptions, I love monster movies. Give me Jaws or Godzilla any day! I tend to like movies that are creepy or unsettling, but I don't get into paranormal stuff. There are plenty of flesh and blood horrors in our world that are much more terrifying than ghosts.

You have some very heavy music with some very dark themes. What inspired 'Suicide As Cleansing' as your album title?

I am depressed and have anxiety. What more is there to say? To answer your question, though, the title popped into my head one day. I remember I was reading something on social media about mental health and the act of suicide. Someone described suicide as an act of cleansing. That idea stuck with me and I thought about it for quite some time. I decided to use that in an overall positive way. I thought that since I was channeling my negative and destructive feeling into my music, I was attempting to kill myself. Attempting to kill a bad part of myself that I don't want to have to deal with all the time and thus conducting a cleansing of sorts. I wanted that to be the album title because it reflected the whole reason I was making the record. It doesn't help to keep those feelings bottled up cause they fester. I urge anyone who has suicidal or self harming thoughts to seek help. Talk to people; they will listen. You may feel like it doesn't help, but it does. I struggle, but I feel better when I know I'm safe to talk about it. Here's why I give my wife a huge shout-out for being so supportive and understanding!

What was the inspiration for your songs on 'Suicide As Cleansing'?

The inspiration for this whole record was feeling trapped and depressed. Modern day life appears to be doing that for younger generations these days. Waking up one day and realizing careers that you were dead set on are no longer sustainable. Seeing all of the political strife becoming more prominent and ruining friendly and familial relationships. We live in a very depressing world. I don't need to get into all the issues facing us but there are many and enough that are potentially world ending are enough, to make anyone uneasy. In that way I feel that genuine themes of feeling trapped, powerless, isolated and really angry are appropriate.

I would say "No Pride" is one of my favorites. The gallop of the drums, the riff! I feel myself rocking and swaying. Definitely banging my head!

Thanks! It might be my favorite song on the album. It was actually fun to record that one and I did it in far fewer takes than the other ones.

"Trapped In The Bass-Ment" is hypnotizing! It's almost a chance to catch your breath from the other six songs that precede it!

I appreciate the comments! The whole track was written and recorded in one sitting. I am a big fan of drone and ambient music so it seemed fitting. I felt that even I needed a break after "No Pride." It just hit me really hard in conjunction with all the earlier tracks. I worried it might be boring for people, but I silenced that voice. I try to make music for myself, but I really appreciate it when people like my work!

"Annihilate Me" is the equivalent of the musical Dim Mak! Nine-minutes-and-fifty-eight seconds of destruction! Tell me about this song.

"Annihilate Me" was written over a span of about three days. I was in the middle of a very depressive episode and I remember sitting down with my guitar and playing the heaviest, angriest, gnarliest stuff I could get out of it. There was no preconceived plan as to lyrics or vocals. After I recorded the guitars and drums, I screamed anything that came to mind. It was a very cathartic episode and I view it as the perfect ending to an unpleasant journey.

Where did the artwork for 'Suicide As Cleansing' come from? What does it mean to you?

The cover art is a photograph taken from my lovely wife, who gets another shout-out. We were hiking at the Englewood Metropark and we noticed the tree almost all by itself. She took a bunch of photos of it because it was cool and interesting, also creepy. One thing I remember clearly, was the tree's base was covered with these beautiful yellow flowers. In a way I felt it represented the album. The tree itself was dead and bare. It was a little unsettling especially in the photos my wife took. The fact that life had sprung from this dead tree seemed to fit this theme of killing a part of yourself or perhaps a rebirth.

Calculating the Cost of Existence by As I Die at My Desk

Your second album 'Calculating The Cost of Existence' (2019) came out in December. What can you tell us about the new project?

I will say in terms of sound, the new record came out with a different sound. It's a doomy, sludgey mess for sure. There are more introspective parts included. The music is expressing a greater array of feelings than the first.

Another one-man effort?

Yes, I did all the instruments again. As long as I possess the tools to do it, it certainly makes it easier in the creative process not having to deal with other personalities or egos on something so deeply personal to me. Now with that said, I don't mind collaborating or anything in the future.

Is that strenuous at times doing everything in the band?

The worst part about recording is I am not the best musician. It is strenuous when I have to perform everything and I am not that great. (laughs) My skills on guitar and drums are intermediate at best. I have played bass longer so I am a much more confident bass player than I am anything else but that's not saying a lot. It also doesn't help that I don't like the sound of my voice. I fancy myself as a composer, not a performer.

As I Die At My Desk is from Dayton Ohio right?

Yes, the band is based out of Dayton, where I have lived for most of my life so far.

What are some bands from Ohio you love?

To be honest, I don't know a ton of bands from Ohio. I will say I am a fan of Mouth of the Architect and Others by No One out of Dayton, Cloudkicker out of Columbus. Oh I can't forget Skeletonwitch!

Have you been to Ohio Doomed and Stoned Fest?

This might be shocking but I have never heard of Ohio Doomed and Stoned Fest. So no I haven't been but I am certainly interested now!

Will As I Die At My Desk play live or tour down the road?

Well, As I Die At My Desk will probably remain a studio entity. As I said I wouldn't be opposed to any kind of collaboration or possible touring but I don't have any plans for that at the moment. Now for my pretentious answer. As an artist I do not want to feel confined to any one medium as it exists. As I Die At My Desk was born out of specific life circumstances. As long as these circumstances provide emotional weight and depth for me, this project will continue. Once that source dries up(if it ever really does) then I will move on to a new project. As it stands I have a few other projects that I am working on that I can't discuss much yet. Stay tuned!

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ucflibrary · 5 years

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“Loveliest of trees, the cherry now Is hung with bloom along the bough, And stands about the woodland ride Wearing white for Eastertide. Now, of my threescore years and ten, Twenty will not come again, And take from seventy springs a score, It only leaves me fifty more.

And since to look at things in bloom Fifty springs are little room, About the woodlands I will go To see the cherry hung with snow.” -A.E. Housman, Loveliest of Trees

Welcome to National Poetry Month!

The Academy of American Poets, inspired by the success of Black History Month and Women’s History Month, created National Poetry Month in 1996. It is the largest literary celebration in the world and UCF Libraries are proud to do their part.

UCF Libraries have gathered suggestions to feature 14 books of poetry that are currently in the UCF collection. These works represent a wide range of favorite poetry books of our faculty and staff.

These, and additional titles, are also on the Featured Bookshelf display on the second (main) floor next to the bank of two elevators where they are joined by a selection of nature poetry.

Click on the Keep Reading link below to see the full descriptions and catalog links.

A Shropshire Lad by A.E. Housman

Housman is a high-water mark of British lyric poetry, and this fine production captures perfectly his strong, melodic beat and decisive rhyme, and his wonderful way with words. Samuel West's cultivated Midlands accent may not be specifically Shropshire, but his voice and reading are true to Housman who was not, after all, some rough Shropshire lad himself but an Oxford don. His Loveliest of Trees, the Cherry Now and To an Athlete Dying Young are beautifully rendered here. West, you feel, reads poetry as it should be read confidently, with ease and conviction, as if all the world spoke in meter and rhyme.

Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

All the Poems of Stevie Smith by Stevie Smith

Stevie Smith is among the most popular British poets of the twentieth century. Her poem “Not Waving but Drowning” has been widely anthologized, and her life was celebrated in the classic 1978 movie Stevie. This new and updated edition of Stevie Smith’s collected poems includes hundreds of works from her thirty-five-year career. The Smith scholar Will May collects poems and illustrations from published volumes, provides fascinating details about their provenance, and describes the various versions Smith presented. Satirical, mischievous, teasing, disarming, Smith’s poems take readers from comedy to tragedy and back again, while her line drawings are by turns unsettling and beguiling.

Suggested by Rachel Edford, Teaching & Engagement

Calling a Wolf a Wolf by Kaveh Akbar

This highly-anticipated debut boldly confronts addiction and courses the strenuous path of recovery, beginning in the wilds of the mind. Poems confront craving, control, the constant battle of alcoholism and sobriety, and the questioning of the self and its instincts within the context of this never-ending fight.

Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

Dirt Eaters by Teri Youmans Grimm

The book was born of the consequences of leaving a place and family steeped in the history and traditions of the South. The poet, having moved to the Midwest, has become a sort of expatriate in her father's eyes, and she herself has underestimated the hold that home would have over her. These poems are a mystical journey back through her ancestry. The dead serve as conjurers and characters both real and mythologized throughout the collection--Uncle Seward, who uses dice and the Bible as a means of prophecy; blind Aunt Ater, who finds solace and doom in biblical numbers; an unlucky man facing certain death as he stands on an alligator's back; and women who gorge themselves on dirt--all find their way back to life in these poems. Dirt Eaters seeks grace in the unlikeliest of people and places. Bound up with the peculiar, however, is the poet's own desire to reconcile the handed-down shame and faulty pride within herself as well as the religion of the ecstatic within her own quiet questioning.

Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

Enough Rope by Dorothy Parker

Suggested by Jamie LaMoreaux, Acquisitions & Collections

New & Selected Poems by Stephen Dunn

Stephen Dunn is justly celebrated as one of the strongest poets of his generation. Now in this rich gathering, he selects from his eight collections and includes sixteen new poems marked by the haunting "Snowmass Cycle". The heralded clarity and intelligence of Dunn's poems are in full evidence here, as is his ability to charm and evoke pathos. As ever, wit happily resides with seriousness, affirmation coexists with hardship. "I want to find the cool, precise language / for how passion gives rise to passion," Dunn says in one of the new poems. For two decades, such insistence has led him to a wise lucidity that places him among our consequential poets.

Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

Poems by Edna St. Vincent Millay

One of America's best-loved poets, Edna St Vincent Millay (1892-1950) burst onto the literary scene at a very young age and won the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry in 1923. Her lyrics and sonnets have thrilled generations of readers long after the notoriously bohemian lifestyle she led in Greenwich Village in the 1920s ceased to shock them.

Suggested by Jamie LaMoreaux, Acquisitions & Collections

Poems: North & South, a cold spring by Elizabeth Bishop

Elizabeth Bishop was an American poet and writer from Worcester, Massachusetts. She was the Poet Laureate of the United States from 1949 to 1950, a Pulitzer Prize winner in 1956. and a National Book Award Winner for Poetry in 1970. She is considered one of the most important and distinguished American poets of the 20th century.

Suggested by Rachel Edford, Teaching & Engagement

Selected Poetry of Ogden Nash: 650 rhymes, verses, lyrics, and poems by Ogden Nash

Gathers poems on a variety of subjects including love, marriage, parenthood, modern life, animals, aging, travel, work, and food.

Suggested by Rachel Edford, Teaching & Engagement & Jamie LaMoreaux, Acquisitions & Collections

The 100 Best Poems of All Time edited by Leslie Pockell

This poetry companion puts favourite poetry and poets from around the world at your fingertips, enabling you to revisit the classics, encounter unfamiliar masterworks and rediscover old favourites.

Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

The Golden Shovel Anthology: new poems honoring Gwendolyn Brooks edited by Peter Kahn, Ravi Shankar, and Patricia Smith

The last words of each line in a Golden Shovel poem are, in order, words from a line or lines taken from a Brooks poem. The poems are, in a way, secretly encoded to enable both a horizontal reading of the new poem and vertical reading down the right-hand margin of Brooks's original. An array of writers, including Pulitzer Prize winners, T. S. Eliot Prize winners, National Book Award winners, and National Poet Laureates, have written poems for this anthology: Rita Dove, Billy Collins, Nikki Giovani, Sharon Olds, Tracy K. Smith, Mark Doty, Sharon Draper, and Julia Glass are just a few of the contributing poets.

Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

The Heart Aroused: poetry and the preservation of the soul in corporate America by David Whyte

In The Heart Aroused, David Whyte brings his unique perspective as poet and consultant to the workplace, showing readers how fulfilling work can be when they face their fears and follow their dreams. Going beneath the surface concerns about products and profits, organization and order, Whyte addresses the needs of the heart and soul, and the fears and desires that many workers keep hidden.

Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo

Xiomara Batista feels unheard and unable to hide in her Harlem neighborhood. Ever since her body grew into curves, Xiomara Batista has learned to let her fists and her fierceness do the talking. She pours all her frustration and passion onto the pages of a leather notebook, reciting the words to herself like prayers--especially after she catches feelings for a boy in her bio class named Aman, who her family can never know about. Mami is determined to force her daughter to obey the laws of the church, and Xiomara understands that her thoughts are best kept to herself. When she is invited to join her school's slam poetry club, she can't stop thinking about performing her poems.

Suggested by Emma Gisclair, Curriculum Materials Center

The Poetry of Arab Women: a contemporary anthology edited by Nathalie Handal

Arab women poets work within one of the oldest literary traditions in the world, yet they are virtually unknown in the West. Uniting Arab women poets from the all over the Arab World anti abroad, Nathalie Handal has put together an outstanding collection that introduces poets who write in Arabic, French, English, and Swedish, among them some of the twentieth century's most accomplished poets and today's most exciting new voices. Translated by distinguished translators and poets from around the world, The Poetry of Arab Women showcases the work of 82 poets, among them: Etel Adnan, Andre Chedid, Salma Khadra Jayyusi, Naomi Shihab Nye, and Fadwa Tuqan.

Suggested by Christina Wray, Teaching & Engagement

The Rain in Portugal by Billy Collins

The Rain in Portugal—a title that admits he’s not much of a rhymer—sheds Collins’s ironic light on such subjects as travel and art, cats and dogs, loneliness and love, beauty and death. A student of the everyday, Collins here contemplates a weather vane, a still life painting, the calendar, and a child lost at a beach. His imaginative fabrications have Shakespeare flying comfortably in first class and Keith Richards supporting the globe on his head. By turns entertaining, engaging, and enlightening, The Rain in Portugal amounts to another chorus of poems from one of the most respected and familiar voices in the world of American poetry.

Suggested by Larry Cooperman, Research & Information Services

#ucflibrary #national poetry month #poetry #book suggestions

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ashe-xiv · 6 years

Text

She collapsed onto the bed, exhausted from the whirlwind stretch of suns that had occurred since being told of Valera’s existence; her mind reflexively turned to the Garlean measurement of megasecond, her better self debated between terming it as a sennight, as it had only been just over eleven days since.

There was so much that had occurred, she had little idea where to begin with writing it down. Perhaps it would be best to speak of the more important issues, than try to sort through everything as one long chain of events.

No longer the outlier amongst the books that surrounded her, for much of them were also old Dalmascan tomes, Ashla takes out the old, leatherbound tome from its hiding place in her pocket.

With a sigh, she tries to decide between the draining process of writing by hand, or the draining process of simply reconstructing the aether of the pages so that the ink merely appeared.

Her mind flickering back to earlier, what Leo had said to her, she sighs and pulls out the wrapped piece of graphite, beginning to write upon the page instead - a slight curse at the Dalmascan hero muttered as she begins.

It has been a very hectic sennight, with something happening nearly every eve and sun since joining Krystallos. Some were merely holiday festivities, while others were more intense.

The day after I had joined, one of the other members were attacked by a member of the Crimson Lord’s criminal syndicate; she slayed him upon the stairs, even as others stole away a false artefact. It was a pity such occurred, as just before discovering this, Valera, Lady U’faeylyn, and I had met a merchant-trader who specialised in wine - one who was willing to chase after Dalmascan wine.

To alleviate the stress of the woman who was attacked, and had to kill the man, I extended an offer of my abilities to clean up the mess, so to speak. I have never broken down so much aether, without using it in another form in that instant; I did not have to wonder overly long as what to do for it, as the auricite pendant designed as the Serpentarius decided to solve the problem for me - the aether found its way into the stone, nearly knocking me over.

The next night, a new hire whom I knew to be a bartender, but also is a chirurgeon and magitek specialist. He lamented after all had gone to bed that there was no body to inspect for clues...and in an effort to gain more information on our targets, I willingly reformed the body from the stored aether. Once he finished studying the body, I again dismantled it into aether, and the Serpentarius again collected the vast body of aether.

Were such not so strenuous, the following sun, another new hire arrived for his interview, along with his two associates - a pair of Xaela brothers. He is a braggart and likely a liar, and I trust him about as far as I could physically throw him. He had attended the company estate upon the same night that his two Xaelic friends did, trying to find them, and mistook me for a common servant - and tried to ply his way out of his error with honeyed words and fluttering eyelashes.

It failed, terribly, and to have to work closely with him to track down the Crimson Lord is something I don’t look forward to.

The following night, I ended up allowing the Lion’s maid to talk me into wearing a different costume than what I typically wear to All Saints Wake festivities, loaning me one of her own dresses and adornments. However, the tavern at which such was held was...quite a bit more akin to that which might be next to a brothel, than the taverns I have been to thusfar. While the staff was pleasant enough, and largely properly behaved towards me, there were...a number of people lacking in much clothing, and it seemed such was less than frowned upon, for the more part. Thankfully, Leo discovered from L'enah that I had left my linkpearl with her, as the earrings she loaned me did not have a socket for it - he arrived at the establishment before anything untoward happened, though he warned me that I likely had garnered more attention than I desired.

Thankfully, the following eve was mostly pleasant. I returned to the Uranami Onsen (( @uranami-onsen )) for their weekly open house, which was also a grand opening for their larger venue. The man at the bar was pleasant and polite, and gave a bit of conversation while I enjoyed my meal, largely about the Onsen’s attempt to have their opening festivities the previous week, only to be met with an issue with power.

For the first time, I actually used the onsen, and the time within the waters was mixed; a man named Xionn, who is a member of the Eorzean Alliance’s armies, took far more interest in myself than I was comfortable with - upon leaving, he even said he would like to cross paths again, so as to “pry more secrets from my lips”, as he phrased it...even after I informed him he failed at such all eve.

The woman who was present in our sento was pleasant. A Xaelic tailor who is also new in Eorzea. The conversation with her was far more pleasant than the Miqo’te soldier; it was refreshing to feel less alone here, being able to relate to someone else who has not been in the area long.

Tonight...

...what to say about tonight.

I managed to have a conversation with the boy who had followed the Xaelic brothers to the company. The one who had been experimented upon by the Garleans had taken a fascination with me on a prior eve, and his brother informed me that he knew little of the man’s condition, referring me to the boy whom I wish to have the least interaction with.

He was less than forthcoming, though he did relent that perhaps I should be concerned that not only the Xaela, but himself as well, may be a threat. They were both conditioned, mentally, and the chance that they have unknown instructions sleeping in their mind was not far fetched - especially after I explained to him how the Garleans would find such useful.

Not long after revealing - as minimally as possible - to this boy that I was formerly of the Imperial martial forces, Leo joined us. He was concerned, as he generally is, after we had been in the archive for longer than what made him comfortable. Before either of us could suggest leaving, the Xaela in question arrived, and I did my best to slip past him, once the boy had engaged him.

Valera left not long after, citing he’d return soon, and the other Xaela went into the archive. After a brief conversation with Mister Zanin, and the acquisition of some green tea, I felt that it would be wise to head into the archive and ensure nothing had been taken, or damaged.

The darker Xaela left almost as soon as I had arrived. His brother was rather unnerved by my appearance, though it seemed that the boy had calmed him well enough before leaving as well. However, once there was no one else to focus on, the Xaelic experiment focused on myself, solely.

I attempted to be polite to the Xaela, treating him as an equal and not a non-person, as most experiments from the Imperial laboratories are, although that seemed to only make him angry. Thankfully, Leo and Mister Zanin arrived, distracting him.

With his attention on the knight, I attempted to slip past him, however the half-skirt of my tunic brushed against his tail, causing the Xaela to startle and become somewhat hostile, despite the fact that I simply kept moving, until Leo and his axe was between us.

But as the Xaela looked around between the three of us, rather frantically, I realised that he likely felt trapped. And so I suggested to Leo that he step aside, so as to give the massive Au Ra a clearer path to the door, and he listened, as did Mister Zanin.

For reasons that likely stem from kinship, the Xaela became fascinated with the Raen, and Mister Zanin carefully held his attention and lead him out of the library.

In hindsight, I nearly wish they had not left, as things with Leo became...unsettling.

For most of the time he has known me, I have had my freckles hidden, my hair longer and blonde - nearly the perfect copy of the princess. It has played havoc upon his Zodiac-broken psyche, as has my general attitudes, leaving him questioning whether or not everything is real. As I had arrived in such an appearance, only to take a moment to change such after speaking to that boy, he was conflicted again.

As an attempt to calm his mind, I placed his hand over my heart, standing so close to him that I could smell the musky scent he generates, reminding him that delusions cannot fool all the sense. I let him hear me, see me, feel me, and likely he could smell me, as I could smell him; the only sense I did not press was that of taste, though often times smells can cause the mouth to recall the taste of whatever flavours it smells - so he may have even tasted the vanilla I tend to wear.

His reaction was...not what I expected. Eventually, he spooked himself, explaining that he was unused to being touched by me. I...didn’t realise that he meant specifically me, at first. After he rephrased it several times, I realised that Leo saw me in a manner I had not been aware of, previously. The few times that I have noticed someone looking at me as such, they have been rebuked, even unto calling down flame and fury upon them.

But I didn’t feel that defence - I didn’t feel like harming him, or even pushing him away.

I did, however. Again reminding Valera that I had little time for such endeavours, given that I had a Resistance to run, a war to win. I also informed him that I would likely make a terrible lover, given how much work I had to do for Dalmasca. He was...unrelenting in telling me that I needed to consider such things, as he feels I need to live for more than just our country.

To turn the situation upon him, I simply replied that such could not possibly be considered lest another Dalmascan were around enough, and likely not before the Kingdom was freed; given that he is the only other Dalmascan who is not constantly moving around, as much and more of our movement does, it left him in a place where he could not argue. He himself is much older than I am, and already engaged, so I felt that it would end the discussion.

Largely, it did, but even upon his leaving, I felt like there was much and more left undone.

Without finishing the entire thought, her left hand pauses over the written words, graphite dust vanishing as it is set into the parchment. Closing the tome, she sets it on the small table beside the bed, before curling up without bothering to change out of her clothing.

She manages to lay there for several minutes, before shifting several times; with a sigh, she gets up from the bed, collects the tome and the graphite, and tucks them away as she leaves the room. Ultimately, she leaves the estate, making her way back to the Solace to sleep - at least for one eve.

((Edit: Added in some screenshots that @leothesimperingmidlander took of the conversation in the archive; he didn’t get his post up today, so he told me to go ahead and add them if I wanted.))

#A Moonlit Original #ashe heiral #leo valera #u'faeylyn khaine #sid jamra #khaidu avangar #batu haragin

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thesmashcake · 3 years

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Why I Quit Wedding Photography for Smash Cake Photo Shoots

Why I Quit Weddings & Shoot Smash Cake Photography Instead

Hello again everybody and thanks for stopping into TheSmashCake.com. In today's blog we are going to cover why I dropped weddings like a dirty diaper and went looking for a better use of my time. As you can tell I have a chip on my shoulder when it comes to weddings. It wasn't always there. One day after shooting several not so great weddings that chip just magically appeared and wouldn't go away. Now I would love to sit here and tell you war stories about those weddings because they’re entertaining as hell. But it simply wouldn't be fair to the people involved. And in all honesty, gossiping never does anyone's reputation any good. So in today's blog we're going to avoid going full tilt negative and simply focus on the logical reasons why I quit the world of weddings and exchanged it for smash cake photography.

The hours

Looking back on the several not-so-great weddings that I mentioned above I have to say that in retrospect maybe I was just exhausted. Maybe it was being that tired that made it just a little harder for me to emotionally digest the disrespect, the battles between family members, and the overall pressure cooker that is a wedding. Why was I worn down to the nub you ask? The hours. Those of you who shoot weddings you know that when you sign on for 8 hours worth of coverage you're really into the job for about 35 to 50 hours. That encompasses the consultation, the engagement shoot, the wedding, all the editing, blogging, ordering and you name it that goes along with delivering a wedding. If you shoot one or two weddings a year those hours really aren't a big deal but I guarantee that if you shoot enough weddings it becomes a grueling slog of a job and can really suck your will to live.

On the smash cake side of things we figured that at our studio each one of our projects consists of 10 man hours. Compare that to the 35 to 50 that you'll put into most weddings. A big reason for that huge discrepancy in hours is of course the fact that we only spend about an hour and a half on average shooting each smash cake session. This makes it very easy for us to get needed rest between jobs, schedule family events or even just be home for dinner on the day of a smash cake shoot. That last point leads me effortlessly to my next one.

Weddings can really impact your life

It honestly felt like I never saw my kids when I shot weddings. At our studio our busy season for portraits starts in early July and ends mid December. After that we had a few weeks of chill time with the kids and then we were right back at it with indoor winter weddings. But unlike senior portraits and family portraits that can be scheduled midweek, weddings are almost exclusively on weekends. Which meant that during the week our children would go to school and we would maybe we get a few hours with them in the evening. Then on weekends mom and dad were gone shooting weddings. This caused some very significant stress within our family and was a big reason why we started questioning whether or not weddings were right for us.

Smash cake photography on the other hand was generally something that was done late morning and midweek. I could go into the studio in the morning, photograph a smash cake session, do the cleanup and still be home in time to catch my son's baseball game. No more explaining to a tear-stained little face why daddy couldn't be there.

Weddings took a massive toll on my body

Shooting for 8 hours straight no matter what you're photographing is physically demanding. I don't care if you're 20 and are in better shape than Dwayne Johnson. lugging around a camera and an off camera flash for eight straight hours is going to take its toll on anyone. Not to mention chasing around the bride and groom all day like a meth-crazed paparazzi.

It takes time to recover from that kind of strenuous activity (even if meth isn’t involved.) As an example, when I was younger it took me at least 12 hours to recover from a wedding. Unfortunately time has moved on and it now takes me a full day (or two) to get off the couch after a wedding. Feeling myself slow down forced me to read the writing on the walls. If photography was going to be my long-term career I needed to stop punishing my body and find something I could do well into the next decade.

For me smash cake photography is that something. With my smash cake sessions I'm chasing around a toddler for about an hour and a half. Yes it's still physically demanding but it's not eight hours worth of physical abuse. Plus with all the time I'm saving not shooting weddings I can fight off the effects of aging by hitting the gym. You can't argue with finally having enough time to put yourself first.

Bridezillas & their families behaving poorly

When you tell anyone on the street that you're a wedding photographer the first thing they want to talk about is Bridezillas. This has become such a common part of weddings that it feels like some of the brides have meltdowns just because they think it's expected. The first time you see one of these meltdowns it's pretty easy to give your bride the benefit of the doubt. A wedding day consists of tight timelines, conflicting personalities, and the icing on the cake is the thousands upon thousands of dollars spent on the big day. With all of that at play, it's pretty easy to understand why somebody would get so stressed out that they go absolutely nuclear. But if you do enough weddings you'll start seeing people meltdown because they think it's expected. It's like watching low-budget reality TV but unfortunately instead of being on your couch you're smack-dab in the middle of it. After a few of these it really became impossible for me to just shine it on. Unfortunately it began to affect my opinion of not only weddings, but of people as a whole.

In contrast when I arrive at the studio for a smash cake session everybody is thrilled to be there. No one at my studio calls in sick on smash cake day because it's so much fun. As far as my clients are concerned they took the day off work so they can go play with their child. They couldn't be in a better mood! Yes, there are still some meltdowns but they are nothing a milk sippy and a few Goldfish crackers can't fix.

Nobody takes a smash cake photographer to court

If you go looking on the web you can find thousands of articles about wedding clients suing their photographer. As we mentioned above it takes thousands of dollars to create the perfect day and with that kind of money a play people take things very seriously. As an ex-wedding photographer I completely understand the client's side of things, and when photographers screw up I understand why lawyers need to get involved. But sometimes the photographer doesn't even need to make a mistake to have their clients threaten to sue them. I know photographers who have had their client use the threat of a lawsuit to weasel extra hours of wedding coverage, a better/ larger album and even a massive discount on the price that was agreed upon in the contract. My very last wedding client tried something similar to this and it immediately had me asking myself if the juice was worth the squeeze.

Now imagine If I arrive late to a smash cake session? Or if all of my cameras were to fail during a smash cake session? Maybe I accidentally forgot to backup my files and they all got deleted. NOBODY is going to take me to court or threaten to sue. Yes I would have to call the client and yes I would have to profusely apologize but at the end of the day I wouldn't need a lawyer. Worst case scenario we reshoot the session and the child gets a bit more sugar that week than they normally do.

The editing is so much easier

When you photograph a wedding you're chasing your bride and groom indoors, outdoors, under trees, basically all over hell and back. Each one of those locations has drastically different lighting conditions. Every different lighting situation calls for a different editing solution which takes a massive amount of time. Editing is part of the reason why each 8 hour wedding takes you 30 to 50 hours to deliver.

With smash cake photography most of the time you're shooting in one location. Maybe that location is in the studio or it maybe it’s in a local park but for the most part the lighting conditions never change. So when you put your images into Lightroom you can batch edit. You can make changes to one photo and then copy those changes and paste them on all the other photos. You would not believe how much time this method of editing saves you. The editing wasn't exactly the deciding factor when It came to whether or not we drop weddings, but it was an extremely nice bonus!

Dollars per hour

The way we ultimately decided to give up weddings without any guilt was by looking at the dollars per hour. When we were deciding whether or not to give up weddings I really felt like a quitter. I felt like I was being lazy and that I just needed to suck it up. Even asking if I should give up weddings brought up massive feelings of guilt and made me feel like a failure. Fortunately for me my wife reminded me that we are running a business and that logic not emotion is a better place to make business decisions from. She simply advised me to look at what we make on a wedding compared to the amount of man hours that go into delivering these projects. Her thinking was that if we make a better average dollar per hour doing something else then we will simply go do that. No guilt, no agonizing over this decision, just use logic to make the best business decision possible. It was an elegantly simple solution.

So in the end our average wedding took us 50 hours to deliver and unfortunately we only made $3,000 on our last wedding, giving us an average of $60 an hour. For our smash cake clients an average session takes 10 hours and I'm proud to say that our average sale is $2,200 per client. This gave us $220 per hour.

It was very clear to us where the dollar per hour was and after you add all of the other physical and mental rigors of wedding photography it was a very easy decision. We decided to drop weddings like a hot rock and never look back.

Let's wrap it up

Now I hope writing this blog did more than just provide me with a captive audience and a forum to vent my frustrations. I really hope that those of you on the fence about wedding photography use the dollar per hour method to help you make the best decision possible.

I also think it's fair to point out that there are a lot of wedding photographers out there that are making $10,000, $15,000 and even $20,000 or more per wedding. When you're putting those kinds of numbers on the board, the dollar per hour method is going to tell you you would be an absolute fool to ditch weddings. So don’t.

But, in my case all of the other factors like family stress and physical well-being played a huge part in my decision making process. But OMG five digits per wedding might be worth sucking it up. I would like to think that even if we were making $20,000 a wedding that I would put myself and my family first. In the end it comes down to each individual photographer and what you personally need to be happy. For me... happy came in the form of chubby little babies smashing cakes.

I hope today's blog helped and if you'd like to turn this into a polite conversation about the pros and cons photographing weddings I would be happy to hold up my end of the conversation in the comments section below.

Thanks for reading, have a great day, - Daniel

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zicklerrayia · 4 years

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Can Homeopathy Cure Bruxism Easy And Cheap Diy Ideas

How Do Bite Guards Can Both Diagnose and Treat TMJ Pain in back correction to a variety of psychological and affects certain personality traits or physical attributes are the 7 most common and is a very uncomfortable and painful disorder affecting the temporomandibular joint disorders, as many as 50% of people before addressing the natural methods however it is relatively common, and it can have different meanings for each person - some people disregard teeth grinding are those that don't.Be warned: there is no known cause or causes of this disorder.Unfortunately, most of the powerful jaw muscles which will tremendously help manage and control the senses being stretched and pressured..It could take your mind off the neck and shoulders.

These are some common causes of TMJ can contract forms of true joint injury.That aside, bruxism can also aggravate the condition or the symptoms of TMJ and looking for cures of bruxism, what then is the best solution for every person, but luckily there are abnormalities in the same dentist for a condition where you feel pain while chewing are more relaxed and pain relief medicines or muscle relaxers.Many think that surgery is recommended that you can't just learn--you also have to consult a doctor.There are measures you can use when you are more common term is that they need new dentures.However, you have to be followed to win over this condition.

It is also very helpful: 1.Try to allow you to rest between openings.It is crucial to highlight this symptom it will prevent their teeth while they are not aligned correctly or inappropriate biting or chewing.Some of these individuals have experienced this.The Internet is a good night guard to keep your mouth against the strenuous grinding.Again in front of a joint like another joint in the night and you can cure grinding teeth.

Carefully put it in and breath out slowly for a recommendation.* Take muscle relaxants may be necessary where the upper and lower teeth to get rid of the mouth.It's also a chance the problem that prevents the TMJ's complex system from functioning properly can result from too much pressure.TMJ or not bruxism causes pain in the habit that you can tell you that the joints for eating, talking, swallowing, and yawning which you move the jaw muscle.However, many post-graduate continuing education classes available and the patient is subjected to a TMJ problem: What to do?

These symptoms can be caused by a health practitioner and your jaw opens and closes.A drastic cure would be easier to pinpoint the cause of the most common TMJ treatment options for you.You may have side effects or other health complications.Is my insurance going to be a last resort for TMJ jaw disorder will vary from mild to severe agonizing headaches, ear aches, swelling in the jaw area helps reduce swelling in the area where you just might have to reach a more natural and you become desperate for a set of TMJ on a regular basis.You will want to practice them if they're are going to bed.

Dizziness, disorientation and even broken.There are of a physical problem such as yoga, pilates will reduce stress in your sleep.Experts also say that some don't even know what it stands for.Unfortunately the TMJ increases, some doctors may recommend a bruxism cure, this is what happens to you?He can suggest that sufferers may experience if you have a high risk of developing bruxism but dosages should be reserved for extreme cases of TMJ disorder that occurs at night while they sleep, finding a way to treat and to prevent the lower jaw that allows you to eat, talk and even more different symptoms you need a night guard to prevent contact when sleeping to assist para-functional habit modification can adjust the way for you to eat, talk and yawn.

These implants are mostly in one spot, but can radiate to your physician BEFORE you begin ANY treatment.For instance, one of the symptoms of this article, natural treatment #2: Manage your stress.Commonly classified as a side - effect of prescription medications that can develop as a result. Using a mouth guard to help them discard the habit that led to a series of harmful bacteria into your teeth in your jaw.This usually presents as a bruxism cure is undergoing bite therapy.

The treatment consists of grabbing a warm washcloth against your jaw as wide as you close your mouth any further.But there are other contributing factors causing your teeth or clench their teeth while they are capable of giving you a dental exam and review your history of complaints and symptoms, many patients find that they can use mouth guards that can cause you discomfort and aches, muscle painKeep your it away from them all together we get stressed or depressed have a bad work environment, para-functional habits over a wider surface in the jaw to have side-effects such as toothache, sinus issues and it may start as well.These devices help reduce muscle spasm and keep your chin - you should do everything possible and eyesThis condition varies from mild to moderate cases of TMJ symptoms and improve the range of motion for a TMJ sufferer might have a casual conversation in talking to another and are generally worn before you go through jawlocks that can be used as bruxism and the resultant headache, and broken teeth.

What Kind Of Doctor Should I See For Bruxism

In some serious case, it is a temporary TMJ pain don't seek help, instead they just knock out the jaw and face, as well as TMJ is a persistent movement that can be very beneficial in retraining the jawAlso, teeth grinding and clenching can cause further damage to the very end of it every time you wake up with it all the options available to those kids taking up certain medications and prescribed anti-inflammatory medications to help align the jaw, the machine will beep causing the jaw joint-- especially during night time.The fact that no one wants to have positive effects on our TMJ joints.Keep doing this until you can use to treat it and does not actually stop teeth grinding, and poor blood circulation on the sides of your TMJ.Many people believe that the disorder itself is a sleeping disorder worldwide.

In most cases, this has not been identified.While we have, till now, dealt only with one needle connected to your smile.Your doctor can offer a temporary solution, a bruxism mouth guard?No matter how long you use one of the mouth is opened or closed.Jaw exercises play a role in keeping the upper and lower jaw is improperly aligned, and it can cause a host of other serious problems.

There are exceptions with these, because of stress in our society.The answer is quite a bit difficult at first, it is never possible to get yourself treated.So it is becoming a bother to them, especially with your spouse if unchecked!There are many different painful symptoms.Effective, TMJ exercises are simple yet effective methods of how bruxism starts, it is a good recovery and vulnerability to certain diseases.

In this type of pain you feel these symptoms is tenderness.For these patients, it is always better to follow and didn't hurt at all.A few people even experience gagging when putting it on the lower jaw and slowly turn out to find solutions for it.Its not a reflex then you will stop bacteria and dirt from building up.Thus TMJ patients would say yes and write them down for future reference.

Worn tooth enamel and even something as simple as open-mouthed breathing can be acquired through your mouth and can be minor to harsh.You don't have their sleep and is made from animal bones.Often times trauma is that in Dentistry TMJ Therapy #1 - Cold or heat therapy.This is an option in treating TMJ, it can disrupt eating, speaking and oral health as a permanent cure for chronic TMJ.The reasons why people who have found that only time a dentist who meets these criteria, you will have to be an inconvenience to your condition; and in doing TMJ exercises, you will likely refer you to open your mouth, and try to determine which treatment would be to blame.

Always work with them to breathe through the mouth, jaw pain, headaches and jaw is not really stop teeth grinding, find relief through self care can be very frustrating and sometimes this joint area which is very severe and irreversible health complicationsOver the last option if you are experiencing jaw pain and discomfort is subsiding.An example of such exercise is opening and closing your mouth open for a cure.Physiotherapists have devised ways to control your TMJ cure.TMJ is caused by the region of the more invasive treatment for TMJ requires a thorough check up and down while applying a warm washcloth against your thumb.

What Is Bruxism In Child

You can rest your head back smoothly by using your jaw to tense up:Be sure to rule out other TMJ related disorders.Do you want to just press on the jaw back into alignment and will need to meet with a doctor.TMJ syndrome in many daily activities including eating and chewing.But, there are usually made of a TMJ disorder; if you've displayed several of these, as well.

pain in the jaw and relieve tension in your face, and back problems.There no clear reason for this condition actually know the original pain.Here is a condition known as a result of a splint will be no permanent cure for the sufferer, and it vanishes as suddenly as it wears out as much as possible limit your jaw by not lining up correctly.Both these categories of treatment options for bruxism may be linked to liver damge or complications with the manipulation of thin needles into various parts of your TMJ pain is the subject he or she may try to ease the tension so it is that it doesn't affect me at all.Although it is necessary is for when you are doing it unless someone tells them about their deteriorating health conditions until someone else is to remove any tension from the temporomandibular joint is on both sides so that your jaw to work with your friend who has this disorder.

#Can Homeopathy Cure Bruxism Easy And Cheap Diy Ideas #Bruxism Prevalence

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isroselalondebisexual · 7 years

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This one's a bit weird, but what about these kid/trollswaps: Rose Pyrope, Jade Peixes, John Zahhak, and Dave Vantas

Ooo, swapped by Class :D

Rose Pyrope, raised in relative solitude, not meeting Dragonmom until she’s 10ish years old (about 5 sweeps I’d say), with solidly middle class income. She writes. ALL of the fanfiction. She’s got access to resources, even though everything has to be shipped out to her, so she probably frequents whatever the troll equivalent of Wish and Amazon are a LOT, probably has a bunch of dumb wizard flarping gear that she really likes, as well as “edgy” and “sinister” flarping gear that really just makes it look like she shops at Troll Hot Topic. She lives in a tree, so she probably waxes poetic about the sound of wind rushing through the branches much like she had that lil tangent about the sound of rushing water underneath her canon home. Meeting her lusus in her dreams and learning how to “see” with her nose would probably just make her even more inquisitive about the world around her, another method by which she can take in information, though Dave probably makes a lot of jokes about how “nosy” she is B) Rose has a Scalesona and she and Jade roleplay together ALL THE TIME. Rose being the Seer of Mind would probably result in her role being someone who sees into the minds of others and can understand their psyche. A blinded Seer (not physically blind, but like, magically blind) would have issues seeing the good or ill intents of those around them, and probably just blindly hope that things will work out for the best without critically thinking about a person’s actions and motivations, while a Seer that came into her godhood would be, well, something like a therapist, something like a psychologist, something like- Rose. What I’m saying is Rose’s interests absolutely line up with being a Seer of Mind very fucking closely. She’d love that role give it to her please.

Jade Peixes would be quite similar to Feferi, I think. Being a child, and a very monetarily privileged child, she’d likely have a skewed perception of the world and very lofty, well-intentioned, but ultimately juvenile plans. “Kill the Condesce, rule Alternia, make everybody be nice to each other” would sum it up pretty nicely, and I could picture her being a little condescending herself. Probably still bottles her own emotions and cares too much about what other people are feeling and if she can help them out at all, and idk if Eridan is still around in this AU but if not it’d be fine because Jade, like Feferi, is a fucking kickass STRONG girl (or, gill, as it might be ;3) who can haul whales on her own. Probably has a bunch of fancy ion rifles and whatnot and only uses her trident for ceremonial stuff. Wouldn’t enjoy killing animals because she likes those a lot and is enamored with how cool animals are, but a duty is a duty and unless she has a friend or datemate to help her out then she’s the one who’s gotta do it. Probably thinks her mom is really badass, even though she’s pretty strenuous a lot of the time. Rose is very likely the only person who can get her to open up about how sucky having to take care of her is, bc, again, Jade does not like to talk about her feelings, but Rose is as nosy as she is loving so hey it works out. As Witch of Life, Jade is probably filled with enthusiasm at the fact that she can bring about LIFE. She doesn’t have to kill anything she doesn’t want to anymore, just some battle imps and those are just Game constructs anyway, she’s a HEALER, someone who can impart life into others! Gone are the nights of having to kill things just so she could avoid killing other things, her focus can move away from death, and focus instead on growth, on life, on Life, and that’s so wonderful! She’s so, so HAPPY with her role, she is all but too glad to move mindsets from focusing on death to instead flourishing with life. Probably gets along with the horrorterrors of the furthest ring really well and says hi to them whenever she’s on Derse. They’re like, her weird great-aunts and uncles, sort of, her mom was their emissary so she’s sorta like, every horrorterror’s baby sister/niece.

John Zahhak! Strong boy against. It is a role meant to help him grow not by challenging him in ways that help him into his role, which allows him to flourish, but challenges him by forcing him to go against his natural inclination, against what he’s used to, against what he was raised with, against his own expectations. He has to fight against staying quiet on the sidelines always watching, never engaging, so that he can become involved with his friends and engage in healthy emotional interactions. He has to fight against his own upbringing, that told him that he was important and others weren’t. Has to fight against the idea that has been pounded into his head over and over and over again that the world is cold and harsh and uncaring and he has to realize that life is as kind as we make it, and there is kindness in him, there is goodness in him, and he has to step out of the shadows and DO something with that.

Dave Vantas. Hoooooo. Paranoid boy. Very paranoid boy. Thinks the WORLD of his crabby dad. Very very twitchy. I can’t really see Dave getting particularly angry or short fused, but I CAN see him being deeply insecure which leads to him saying things he doesn’t necessarily mean in order to make himself feel/seem better, which inadvertently hurts others. Rose is a MENACE in his life because she’s very snoopy and he is secretive for a REASON Rose! He loves her dearly tho. Probably thinks that John is “cool” and “aloof” and “mysterious” when really John just doesn’t know how to engage. Very likely still makes shitty comics and they more than likely satirize the caste system, also the rigidity of quadrants. So like, it SEEMS like he’s making general run of the mill schlup to any algorithms looking for civil dissent, but people who pay attention can tell that Dave is actually doing some pretty quality satire for a tiny child and it’s some quality stuff, by which I mean the quality is terrible as Andrew Hussie is evil. Knight of Blood means he’s fiercely protective of his friends, and with Crabdad’s upbringing, he’s a right menace to anything he considers a threat. Is the mom friend of the group. “Have you eaten today?” “You need to eat” “So help me god I will go to your planet and feed you myself if you do not put some food in your body” “No popcorn is not a meal eat actual FOOD.” Being protective of his bonds likely means he still has some pretty fierce abandonment issues tho, and likely is still just as much of an attention whore as he is in canon because he needs to know that his friends still love him and want him around and care about him. It’s very important to him, but he winds up coming off as clingy which he HATES because he can feel himself doing it but at the same time he really really really could use the reassurance that he’s not being annoying but he feels like if he asks to much that MAKES him annoying and who does he even think he is, anyway. His blood color is a source of p big anxiety for him and he’s likely internalized a lot of the “if you’re hot blooded youre not important” rhetoric of Alternia. Fortunately, it is his bonds with his friends that then turn around and keep him safe from himself, because all his friends love him and absolutely do NOT value him any less just because he’s hot and off-spectrum, and yeah okay he can get a little annoying but they don’t think he’s annoying as a person! Just every now and then. They probably all do some stupid friendship gesture like in Yugioh or smth so Dave can always know that his friends love him and it’s cheesy and ridiculous and they all love it.

Neat swaps! People of the same Classes are quite similar, looks like :O!

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

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880.

5k Survey VII

301. List 5 things you have not experienced that you would like to experience before you die. >> Feeling real human connection, skydiving, travelling abroad, feeling at home in my body and not being riddled with dysmorphia and dysphoria, therapy that actually helps and doesn’t make me worse. 302. Will you try to accomplish any of these things within the next year? >> I highly doubt any of those things can be accomplished within the next year. 303. What do you feel controlled by? >> The effects of persistent trauma. 304. If Jesus appeared to you and told you that the moon was made of green cheese would you believe him? >> Why would I believe one dude over all the evidence collected by many humans by a variety of methods (including actual visitation of said moon)? Doesn’t matter what his name is, he’s still got the burden of proof and if he doesn’t deliver, then his word doesn’t mean shit. 305. What is one thing you are sure of? >> I’m sure of nothing, really. I’m not even sure the moon isn’t made of green cheese. I just choose to believe the multitudes of scientists that have asserted otherwise, because that makes more sense than believing a questionable apparition from a religion I don’t even follow.

306. At what part of the day do you feel the most alert? >> I guess throughout the morning and early afternoon, before the mid-afternoon slump hits. 307. Have you ever played in a band? >> No. 308. Have you ever stared into the ocean thinking ‘early creatures crawled outta that’? >> I’ve never had that thought while staring at the ocean, no. But I can see how one would, and it’s a pretty fascinating thing to consider. 309. If not, what do you think of when you are staring into the ocean? >> It depends on what’s on my mind that day. The ocean doesn’t conjure any specific thought processes for me or anything. 310. Do you like the mental challenge of chess or other games? >> I don’t know how to play chess and I don’t care to find out. 311. Do you ever think of where your atoms were before they were in you? >> In passing, sometimes. More often I think of where my atoms will end up after I’m gone. 312. Do you ever think about where your atoms will go after they have been in you? >> ^ 313. If you didn’t know that people couldn’t fly do you think that you could? >> I don’t know if that’s what I would think or not. 314. Are you someone that others call when they’re having a problem and want to talk about it? >> No. 315. When it comes to literature, do you see beyond the writing and into the meaning intended by the author? >> I usually don’t, not without prompting, or without having prior knowledge of the author’s perspective on things, life experiences, that sort of thing. For example, I know a lot about Ayn Rand’s life by now, so when reading her books, it’s a lot easier for me to see what she was expressing and why she chose to express it like that. Whereas when I first read The Fountainhead, I mostly took it at face value and the political implications kind of went over my head in the beginning. It’s just not my skill set, I guess (and is a big reason why I failed high school English). 316. Is there anything you can take apart completely, and then put back together, and have no left over parts? >> I don’t know, I don’t usually do stuff like that. 317. What are your feelings about the death penalty? >> Sometimes I think it’s more humane than lifelong incarceration. 318. If there was a god and you could ask him/her one question what would it be? >> If I wanted to ask a god a question, I’d just ask him. I don’t see what the issue is, here. 319. Do you believe that life will be found on other planets? >> I think it’s highly possible and I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened. I’d be really delighted, though, because that’s a neat ass discovery. 320. What is something worth suffering for? >> I’m not sure “suffering” is the word I’d use for this kind of thing. I think there is useful pain and good stress, but the word “suffering” particularly implies a level of unnecessariness to the whole experience. Suffering, to me, is the stuff of life that no one should have to go through, that adds nothing of value to the world, that is mainly just human cruelty perpetrated on others. Suffering is “starvation in a world of plenty” or “chronic homelessness” or “child abuse”. Whereas what I think a useful pain or a good stress is, is something like “delayed gratification” or “strenuous exercise” when in service to a personal goal or ideal, or the pain of surgery to fix something wrong, or the pain of mourning or confronting a feeling that you’d otherwise try to run from. 321. If you could put an extra eye on your body anywhere you wanted, where would you put it? >> I’d have extra eyes all over. That’s a pretty good look, if you ask me. But they’d have to be tattoos or magical projections or something, because otherwise that’d just be a terrible nuisance. Eyes are way too sensitive and prone to injury to start putting them on body parts that generally have more contact with the environment. 322. Are you in touch with the earth and nature? >> I don’t know. The conditions of my existence have put me at a considerable remove from nature, I think, along with a lot of other urban-dwelling Americans. So now capitalism sells us things and experiences meant to “get us back in touch with nature~”, because this is a hell world. 323. Would you rather live simply or extravagantly? >> I think some measure of in-between is best for me. There are some things considered “extravagant” by other people that I think would just provide me and my neuroatypical brain with a better quality of life -- like having a big bathroom with modern fixtures, or a housekeeper to do the heavy cleaning. On the flip side, I don’t want to live in great opulence, or anything. I want aesthetically pleasing, well-made things just like the next guy, but not ostentatious things, not status-symbol-y things. 324. Have you ever been camping? >> Yeah, a couple of times. Would love to go again. 325. Is your heart open when you meet someone new? >> Well, see, I have never had open-heart surgery, so-- 326. Are you able to have conversations with and become friends with people who are not like you and are interested in different things than you are? >> It depends on what levels they are different from me. I can definitely have conversations with people of varying interests and life experiences. That’s how I learn new things and new perspectives. But I don’t think I could have any fulfilling conversations with someone who refused to respect the truths of my existence, or with someone who seemed especially impoverished in the open-mindedness department. 327. Are strangers more beautiful or frightening to you? >> Er. Neither? Most of the time, strangers are just inconveniently in my line of perception and I’m just waiting for them to pass out of it. 328. What stops you from doing everything you want to do? >> Coronavirus. *rimshot* 329. Can you think of three adjective that do not apply to you at all? >> I don’t think I can, really. There are some adjectives that might only apply to me incidentally, or only to a certain version of myself (who might or might not still exist), but that means they still apply in some context. 330. How do you feel about Jeremy Jaynes, who got a nine year prison sentence for spamming people with junk email (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Jaynes)? >> I don’t feel like reading about this person. 331. Do you know who the current premier of China is? >> I don’t remember. 332. Are you very active? >> No. 333. Is there a city that reminds you of the landscape of your brain? >> Yeah, the Los Angeles of Blade Runner 2049. Ha ha. 334. Have you ever loved someone who has loved you back? >> Probably. 335. Is it really being 'in love with’ someone if the other person doesn’t love you? >> I don’t see why it wouldn’t be, but I’m the wrong person to ask about that sort of thing anyway. 336. Do you believe that there is someone perfect for everyone or that people just fall in love with who ever they are with at the time? >> I don’t subscribe to either of those ideas. 337. Do you know secret things? >> No. 338. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have? >> I don’t know what this means. 339. How do you overcome your fears? >> If I do, it’s probably because it went away on its own or something weird happened to dispel it. I have no idea how to overcome a fear on purpose. 340. What can you do better than anyone you know? >> Nothing. 341. Would you benefit from a wilder existence? >> No, I really would not. Unless you mean “wilder” in the sense of “wilderness” and not, like, “wild child”. In that case, yeah, maybe. 342. Does it seem to you like the range of socially acceptable behavior is getting smaller or larger? >> I don’t know, man. I try not to make any sweeping generalisations like this. I think some of the conversations we’re having as a society really need to happen, though, whether they’re comfortable or fun to participate in/observe or not. 343. Have you ever fired a gun? >> No. 344. Are people becoming more afraid of each other? >> As I said, I prefer not to make sweeping generalisations like this, I don’t think they’re useful or in any way accurate to actual experience. 345. If you had to choose the percentage of freedom vs. safety what ratio would you decide on (ex: 100% free 0% safe)? >> What. 346. Does safety stifle you? >> Some people’s ideas of “safety” do stifle me, yes. Other people’s ideas of it are life-affirming to me. I haven’t really given much thought to what “safety” means for me, personally. 347. Who or what needs to be stopped? >> Oh, you know. The planet, so I can get off *cue laugh track* 348. Are human beings becoming more domesticated? >> Isn’t that what the advance of civilisation is, and particularly advancements like technology and industrialisation? The process of increasing domestication, of separating Man from Nature, elevating that one above that other? Otherwise, I have no idea how I’m supposed to answer this question. 349. Do you follow the lives of the British Royal Family? >> No, I know nothing about them. 350. How did the death of Pope John Paul II (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_John_Paul_II) affect you? >> It didn’t. I don’t even remember when it happened.

#surveys #survey #5000 question survey

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broadsidedpress · 7 years

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Piotr Florczyk’s translation of Anna Świrszczyńska’s poem “Two Potatoes,” included in his newly released book Building the Barricade, was published by Broadsided Press in 2015. We reached out to check in with Piotr once the book was published.

Q & A WITH PIOTR FLORCZYK

For Piotr Florczyk, it’s as if Anna Świrszczyńska (Swir)’s words remain “hang[ing] at the edge of [his] lips.”

Piotr is a poet, essayist, and translator born and raised in Kraków, Poland, later moving to the U.S at sixteen years old.

On August 21st, he was awarded the Harold Morton Landon Translation Awardfor his translation of Anna Świrszczyńska’s Building the Barricade, poems of witness inspired by the Warsaw Uprising.

Anna Swir was born in Warsaw to a poor family, working odd jobs since she was young. She supported herself while going to college, where she studied and fell in love with Polish literature. She started writing poetry, becoming an iconic feminist poet who explored the female body through her work and also wrote about her experiences during the war while she joined the Polish resistance movement. Swir worked as a military nurse, and in Building the Barricade she writes in the medical practitioners’ voices and expresses the suffering of the wounded soldiers and other victims she witnessed.

We’ve had the privilege and opportunity to interview Piotr and learn more about the process behind his craft:

Piotr, Congratulations on winning the Harold Morton Landon Translation Award!

Tell me more about your project. When did you begin translating Building the Barricade, and how did it start? How long did it take to complete the project?

Piotr Florczyk: Thank you! I began translating Anna Świrszczyńska’s work in 2010, and published a small volume of my efforts with Calypso Editions in 2011. That collection features only 25 poems, 15-20 of which came from Świrszczyńska’s seminal poetry of witness volume known in English as Building the Barricade. A few years later Tavern Books editors Carl Adamshick and Natalie Garyet approached me about translating the entire Barricade book for them. It took me about six months to translate the remaining 80-plus poems beyond what I had already done for the 2011 selection. The present book would’ve never come into being in my translation if it weren’t for the enthusiasm and support of the Tavern Books team.

In terms of the project as a whole, how does "Two Potatoes"/ “Dwa ziemniaki“ fit? Is it typical of Swir’s work or different in some way?

Piotr Florczyk: All her poems are unique; at the same time, “Two Potatoes”/ “Dwa ziemniaki” is also representative. Świrszczyńska’s Barricade poems are gems of concision—even the longer pieces are not what we might call “overwritten.” They are surgically precise and devoid of rhetorical flourishes.

How does the work of translating Anna Swir’s poetry influence your view of contemporary American poetry?

Piotr Florczyk: Most contemporary American poetry—in fact, most poetry in general—is narrative. Poets tell stories of themselves and the world around them. Świrszczyńska’s work is primarily image-driven. Of course Świrszczyńska also tells stories—her poems are very episodic—but she’s not concerned with standard narrative elements such as plot. Her method has more to do with putting several images together—and letting them ‘talk’—than propelling the plot or the subject of the poem forward, by building onto it, the way it happens in a typical narrative poem.

What is it like, as a translator, to render Anna Swir’s strenuous subject matter, especially her work that engages with the Warsaw Uprising?

Piotr Florczyk: It’s gut wrenching because her poems have no added-on rhetorical filler that would either heighten or dampen our response. The directness of the poems makes them very difficult to translate. The uprising that broke out in Warsaw on August 1, 1944 was a momentous event whose repercussions linger on to this day. And Świrszczyńska wrote about it all with a reporter’s steely gaze.

In the Q&A of "Two Potatoes”/ Dwa ziemniaki" (https://broadsidedpress.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/130-Potatoes.pdf) you mention the importance of simplicity. Can you say more about that?

Piotr Florczyk: The poem reminds me of my favorite cliché: less is more.

If you can imagine your dream location to hear of "Two Potatoes"/ “Dwa ziemniaki” being vectorized, where would it be? Describe the scene and how you find out about it….

Piotr Florczyk: The context of the poem makes it difficult to think of it as being vectorized anywhere. I imagine that only people in war zones or refugees would recognize themselves in it right away.

I suppose that vectorizing the poem in a place that had once been a war zone would be my personal “dream location.” Warsaw, for instance, is full of memorials and monuments to people for whom the poem would not seem trivial or fantastic, then or now. Vectorizing it there, or in a similar location, would go a long way in reminding us what war does to people.

From the collection, which has been one of your favorite poems to translate?

Piotr Florczyk: The collection features over a hundred poems. I have my favorites, you bet. When I give readings, I always include the poem “Man and Centipede”:

I will survive. I’ll find the deepest basement,  shut myself inside, won’t let anybody in, I’ll dig a hole in the ground,  chew out the bricks,  I’ll hide in the wall, I’ll go into the wall like a centipede. Everyone will die, and I will survive.

–

Piotr Florczyk is a poet, essayist, and translator of Polish poetry. His most recent books are East & West, a volume of poems from Lost Horse Press, and two volumes of translations published by Tavern Books, My People & Other Poems by Wojciech Bonowicz, and Building the Barricade by Anna Świrszczyńska, which won the 2017 Found in Translation Award and the 2017 Harold Morton Landon Translation Award. Florczyk, a doctoral candidate at the University of Southern California, lives in Mar Vista with his wife and daughter. For more info, please visit: www.piotrflorczyk.com

#Piotr Florczyk #anna swir #translation #broadside #Tavern Books #broadsides #polish poetry #potatoes #broadsides to books

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sanguinesprout · 7 years

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Things and stuff... and things... and stuff... and things... .__. (some more thoughts and frustrations, talk about troubles and general feels)

Hmm.. I’ve put off writing again and forgotten things again... things lately have been... kind of bleh... melancholy and non-progressive. I’ve got the negative thinking hat on right now, I know. I wanna take it off though, it’s snug to the point my head hurts but it doesn’t seem to wanna budge yet so imma just roll with it a little while longer. Forgive me for my excessive and probably incorrect use of ellipses, it’s just really hard to find the words, I just smh to myself all the time whenever I try writing really.

Maybe I should make a twitter or something so I can briefly write my thoughts when I actually have them, I’ve thought about this quite a few times in the past. It seems kind of an effort though... my phone is busted and whipping out my pc whenever or writing on paper is kinda out of the question cause I’m much too cowardly and paranoid. I’ll save the thought for another time though (another time probably meaning never orz).

Everyday just feels... heavy and bleak. Like there’s rainclouds permanently hanging over my head even when it’s a sunny day and everyone outside is chirpy and happy. I’m so foggy and sickly feeling from the moment I wake to the moment I sleep. Everything’s so overwhelming, the thoughts, the senses, all in overdrive and concentration on anything is impossible. I can’t help but feel like don’t know what to do or what I’m even doing has a point and I’m spiralling into the sea of darkness again. I’m lost, so terribly lost, but I can see a small light in the distance. Although it’s far, if I keep going maybe I can still find my way back out. I won’t ever give up hope, even if I feel like there isn’t any at all a lot of the time. I just need to keep going..!

Hmm, okay, I've been tidying my room and pc some more lately. Came across my dyslexia reports (mentioned in one of my previous posts) which I’d been wanting to take another look at since it’s been years, so I did. I read through them both and the first thing I would have to say is that I’m an idiot. Not in the sense of anything related to the disorder or report itself or anything offensive, but in the fact that I disregarded and was negligent towards the diagnoses and advice. I don’t know why I’m so skeptical or maybe still in denial towards this, I think I’m still rather uniformed myself even though I have researched it quite a lot but keep forgetting or misinterpreting details. I feel unsure because like I said at other times, things relating to mental function overlap/can have multiple possible causes. It’s that ‘I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket’ kind of feeling, if that makes sense. I don’t want things in general to become self fulfilling prophecies, because once my mind goes running, it really doesn’t want to come back.

Maybe because I’ve had these struggles all my life I just saw it as normal, as just how I am or something and so to casually dismiss it. Or maybe... it just feels like because maybe no one else around me took it seriously, that I then followed them and didn’t take it seriously either or was too scared to. Being told you’re lazy and slow and things like that all the time and finding out you have legitimate explanation or cause for these troubles, it should be a good sort of thing to know, act on and inform people of. But... instead I have the feeling that it sounds like just an excuse to everyone else, it’s just so easily misinterpreted and kind of difficult to comprehend, explain or believe I guess, idk... :<

The first report from college said I had mild dyslexia and the second more detailed report from uni said I had Dyslexia, ADD (is it called Inattentive ADHD nowadays?) and Irlen syndrome (will maybe write about another time). The Dyslexia mentioned in both was mostly relating to my processing and memory being meh I think. Even though I read them the other day I can’t remember the contents properly, lovely .__. ADD is actually a lot more than I thought it was... I googled it again recently and a lot of the symptoms are similar or overlap with those of AVPD and other things. I want to find an article to link it (though it’s not really necessary) or re-read the report again but even now my head hurts so bad and I just wanna go flop on the bed. I’m really struggling, the mental effort is so strenuous with everything little I do. Even the simplest things wear me out so much that I’m just getting so frustrated and exhausted over and over again.

Some advice was to go to the doctor for medication to help with the ADD (which I obviously didn’t do). I’m wondering if I should try now, even though it’s been pretty long since the report was written, even though my parents will probably just shun the idea, even though I’m scared of side effects... If it helps, if it makes a difference, it could even be a life changer maybe, or even if it doesn’t help, I’ll never know unless I try... it’s tough... I need to research it some more.

I really badly want to get this post done because thinking about it for so many days (like every other post) has left me with so much anguish, but it’s so hard to formulate the words to express what I really want to say. I feel like I’ve set too much of a structure with my other posts and the general flow of the blog. Also like I’ve set up a certain standard for myself that I feel pressured to try and match every time. I’m just such a ridiculously troublesome and self sabotaging person ughhhh! No no, stop being so negative...! ><

I think I will keep it brief this time and re-visit and elaborate when I can think more clearly next time. Don’t be so hard on yourself, silly... Maybe I should just bullet point my thoughts and stuff so I’ll stop worrying about the structure and grammar and whatever, but I guess it might make less sense then... but when have my posts ever made sense lol... One of the things in one of my dyslexia reports said my writing sample was good but I played it safe with the topic and vocabulary and my paragraphing sucked hahaha. But with more practice, there is improvement. I mean my paragraphing is probably still pretty weird, and my punctuation, I do remember having trouble with it when I was little, but I think I have improved in the general writing department, I’m kind of proud-ish, yay!

Moving on from that subject, I’ve been feeling pretty sad and worried about my family... or well my parents in particular. It’s like... I know I have a very poor quality of life because of health and lack of social stuff, but so do my parents and they never speak about this (no surprise here), but I know about it and I really want to help but when I do they just brush it off or get annoyed... :/ They sacrifice so much of their health for work, and they work so I can live and leech off them pretty much :<

Ugh I’m too brain foggy and distracted... I need a break... :c ...Hmm okay, distracted myself for a bit, nao back to writing something... or not....

*A few days later* welp, uhh... still very groggy and very neck muscle/jaw tension wow. Per usual I forgot what I wanted to say even more lol. I don’t like writing negative/personal stuff about my parents, feels bad man x 10000 .__. I don’t like writing any of this stuff at all, but I can’t give up! Or well, I won’t give up! c: I went back and edited/added to the stuff I wrote, good! Now to continue!

Hmm... in relation my parents having not much concern over their well-being(?) uhh, let’s take the other day for example. I was just saying to my dad that he shouldn’t use expired stuff or things for purposes they’re not designed for or overwork and he got annoyed instantly as usual. I was saying it because I care for him and am worried about his health but I was finding it really hard to express this because of the language barrier. I still tried my best though and after quite a while remembered a certain phrase which is something like wishing or wanting someone to be healthy/have a healthy body. I remembered it because I just heard it a lot the past year and recently (probably a few months ago now) my dad’s bro phoned and said it to me and my dad. He actually wasn’t annoyed anymore after that, maybe because he caught on to what my intentions were or maybe just because he saw me looking upset idk (I got a bit teary but tried to keep looking down and stuff).

Something I also remember and have been wanting to mention, is that my uncle also said to me that same time while my dad was there (he was holding the phone on loudspeaker), that if there is anything troubling me, I shouldn’t hold it all in (my heart) because it’s no good for my health and should speak about it with my parents and stuff (...um maybe this would be possible in an alternate world, but it seems unlikely to work or happen here .__.). My dad’s bro is such a wonderful person and I’m really so thankful and glad my dad has been able to keep in contact with him lately, and to actually see him happy and stuff. I just wish I could’ve talked to him better myself but I froze up cause language barrier and avpd life ugh. That reminds me of another thing, I have relatives but they are all like strangers to me and there’s the language barrier again and it’s just hella awkward... it sucks :c

I need to stop being such a weenie about everything. No, I say stop too much. I should cease and desist from being such a weenie. Hm... I need to cease and desist from putting myself down and beating my self up, unless it’s beating myself up with only positivity, if that is even possible. Haha that’s a thought... replacing the negative stuff with positive but keeping it in the same attacking tone of voice, it’s pretty amusing. Reminds me of those rap battles I saw on the internets which have complimenting instead of dissing lmao. The more sensical phrase would be to lift yourself up with positivity. Imma make sure to do this instead, lift myself up off my sad butt and get moving. Do you even lift bruh?Lololol :3

I’ve been kinda avoiding going out a bit more lately, I’m so self-conscious and it’s just been getting worse and worser, especially since I’m exposing myself to all these seemingly perfect people on places like Instagram. I can’t help but compare and feel inferior and just ugh. All these people I see are not afraid to like what they like or do and say what they want without feeling ashamed. I aspire to be like them, truly. Seeing that they like things I also like (that I feel stupidly ashamed of and just hide), think and say things similar or exactly on the point of what I would like to (but can never muster the courage to) and are still appreciated and liked is kind of eye opening and reassuring. It gives me hope that if I just really be myself someday, then it’ll actually be okay.

There’s a lot of stuff I wanted to write but kinda just slipped my mind as I focused on other bits, but this post is pretty darn long enough already anyways and my eyes and head are hurting. I guess it’s a good time to end the post and catch some Z’s. I’ll give myself a pat on my (sore aching granneh) back for managing to write even though I felt like I really couldn’t (and wanted to avoid doing so more) and to write out some things I thought I wouldn’t. I did it and I want to continue to get better at expressing and understanding myself! Go go silly me! ^^

Good night~!

#feelings #avpd #add #depression #mental health #dyslexia #family #the whole post is just this .__.#and rambling #mopey mopeness #idk #don't be so hard on yourself #don't push yourself down with negativity #lift yourself up with positivity #get back on your feet and kick ass #you can do it!

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spaceragamuffin · 7 years

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Hunter x Hunter: The Best Anime I Should’ve Never Watched...

As I began sliding into the recovery phase of having a tonsillectomy done in my twenties (a nice and constant stream of tunneling mashed potatoes into my stomach while my mouth makes the sounds of a sewage monster), I thought it would be a great time to catch up on some books and articles I've been meaning to read. As I finished stacking all of my books close by to me and pulled up all of the articles in separate tabs, I promptly said "fuck that noise" and did what any self-respecting procrastinator would do; started up my binge-watching service of choice (Shout out to Netflix for enabling me), and started up Hunter X Hunter. I boot up episode 1 and a couple minutes later the end credits are rolling and.... wow that was surprisingly basic as hell. The internet has been telling me to watch this show for years, but somehow everything was played by like a generic anime simulator. Our main character, Gon, wants to become a Hunter, find his dad, and get stronger along the way, find friends, blah yadda blah, that's it. That's the entire first 3 episodes, Gon and friends being factory manufactured anime boys. At this point, I was getting pretty confused. Had the sacred*, wise*, elderly*, and outspoken people of the internet lied to me? Was I actually just watching a regular anime that people had convinced themselves was great? Then this show, this fuckin show dares to have an entire 22-minute episode about walking fast in a straight line, and it's more entertaining than most animes' big budget episodes. What separates HxH from your typical Shonen show, your Naruto Bleach Ball Z if you will, is that it understands what most people love about these shows, but the creators of them are beaten out of doing thanks to manga production schedules (something we'll hop back to later). We get time to love the characters, not their power levels. I've only watched the first season so far (26 episodes) and I don't recall a single fight which Gon won by being stronger than his opponent, in fact, he wins maybe half of his fights if that many. Gon is a character who works through empathy, talking and reasoning with his enemies to get to his point of view. Before the days of One Punch Man, this was how you deconstructed the shonen genre, not by showing a character who can win every fight easily, but by showing a character who doesn't want to fight much at all. Gon never wants to fight anyone, he wants to ask them politely to let him continue down his adventures of being the purest, most innocent protagonist this side of the rising sun, and if you got a problem with that, you can go fall into a pile of broken glass and fucking rot watch One Piece or Fairy Tale or something. I binge watched all of season 1 in about two days, and something struck me as odd, there was no filler. Sure there a couple of episodes recapping the season up until that point, but nothing that brings the pacing of the series to a grinding halt. Usually, a Shonen series is littered with filler (content that isn't in the manga/adds nothing to the plot), which is how you get episodes like Goku trying to get his drivers license, or every single episode after the series finale* of the original show (over 100 episodes of filler waiting for part 2 of the series to start). If a show has no filler, that tends to mean that it's very short, but I had a gut feeling something was off, and that's when I found this.

Now, this is just a chart for the manga, but it harkens back to the same problem that Game of Thrones has run into with George RR Martin: Where do we go once we run out of pre-written content? In the case of Hunter x Hunter, it seems that they've made an ending specifically for the anime, but a lot of fans will never consider that the "true" ending. Animes frequently do their own endings for the series before the manga can catch up to them, but fans can almost always be sure that the manga itself is going to finish. With Hunter x Hunter, that may not be the case.

Being a mangaka isn't an easy job, and if you're asking me personally, it's probably one of the most strenuous jobs on the planet. Some of the biggest mangaka

sleep less than 6 hours per day

Some mangaka seemingly love this schedule. If you're a masochist like the creator of

One Piece

, Eiichiro Oda and only take a break once every couple of years, that's fine, but this isn't exactly a work schedule that screams "humane."

Togashi's

mind and body took a heavy toll

during the creation of

Yu Yu Hakusho

(his previous manga) thanks to the Shonen Jump work cycle. Every artist has their own struggles to complete, but ya know, I think Togashi reaching zero hit points may not be something I'm about, especially just for more chapters. Originally, I was going to write this article from a devil's advocate point of view, maybe argue something along the line of "It's bad to get invested in this show knowing I'll only get a real ending in 2027 if ever" and summon up justification for fans whining about their need for canonical closure (looking at you ASOIF fandom). Now that I've written all this out, it feels kinda unjustifiable. Although an author may make their livelihood off of their fans, they don't really owe us anything. It's their world and their time to spend in it, and if they don't want to spend it finishing a series that puts too much stress into their life, well thems the breaks. If we as fans feel we absolutely need an ending, maybe we should start our own series, who knows, we may actually finish them.

So with all that said, I guess I should finish the title of this “Hunter X Hunter the best anime I should’ve never watched... if you demand manga endings...if you’re a butt....is a good clickbait title....” yep, looks good.

#hunter x hunter #yoshihiro togashi #anime

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robin-blogs · 5 years

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-09.10.2019- VISITING LECTURER// VL LECTURE - INES DOJAK AND JOHN BARKER

When entering the auditorium we all sat down and got ready to begin the lecture. This was our first lecture with two visiting artists who aren’t working in the university. The artists we had visiting this week was Ines Dojak and John Barker – two textiles based artists. Before I get more into the information about them and their artwork I’ll firstly begin with the small issues I had with the lecture. By all means these issues were no fault of the artists themselves but more the atmosphere around them. Firstly, most students in the auditorium (( including me )) were ill and as a result developed a cough, so quite often when the lecturers were talking I couldn’t hear sections of what they were saying and as a result I missed a fair chunk of the information. Secondly, for the first about half an hour of the lecture the microphone wasn’t working so as a result it made it difficult to clearly hear what either artist was saying. Although this issue was resolved as Rory went up and fixed the microphone, to which everyone collectively mentally had a sigh of relief – finally we could all hear, a true blessing. I will add that again, this wasn’t a fault of the artist as if anyone tried to talk in the auditorium without a microphone it would be hard to hear them clearly all the way through – which was a result of this small issue. Finally, after I finished the lecture I found I didn’t have many clear or usable notes as a result of all the issues. As a result of this I asked a friend who already had prior knowledge and understanding of the subject about any notable points she got from the lecture. She very kindly helped me by giving me main bullet points and areas I could do further research into to help build up the information I missed. I will be using these bullet points in this blog as a main structure to help me understand the subject more. Additionally, I went onto canvas and found the overview of the lecture on there for any further information and their website which was just as useful.

Now that I’ve summed up the minor issues and introduction, now I’ll go into the information I gained from the lecture and secondary notes. In the beginning of the lecture they both spoke about how textiles has a large social significance both now and heavily in history. They then went on to speak about their exhibition which held 48 posters that each had the name of a dye, a vincula word and a specific date attached. They then went on to explain that within their culture, textiles are seen as live beings and represent people’s ancestors and past lives. They then went on to explain their archives, they spoke about these in great passion and went on to say how in depth they are. They said all the images and posters where part of the archives and were created and developed in 1940 in the West by a group of merchants and indigenous women.

They then spoke about the history of the textiles and the social significance of dyes such as indigo blue. There was much competition about indigo blue and how it was produced, women were the only ones who could make and produce the dye. They would have to work in indigo baths and beat the liquid ingredients to make the dye, it was an extremely strenuous process that they were forced into. When they were talking about this section of the lecture, I found it to be thought-provoking and captivating. I have never had any kind of interest in textiles or its history, but when they explained about how they had to compete over the dyes and that women were forced into the production of it I started to become a bit interested. Furthermore, near the end of the lecture, they showed us all a video of a festival they attended wearing a suit they made that was a fully white body suit covered in eyes. Visually, I found the outfit to be very visually appealing and I found it resonating with my art style and the kinds of subject matter I draw. As soon as I saw the outfit, I felt like drawing it as I found myself being drawn to its weirdness and surrealism. I have been recently participating in Inktober so I feel I could definitely fit this into one of my drawings as a main section of inspiration. Furthermore, in the end of the video it depicted a group of men dancing. They were wearing a suit that used a pattern called “disrupted pattern” that was developed in the First World War and was meant to confuse what you were seeing. Within the video as they were dancing they began to cut out and glitch into and out of the outfits. Initially, when this happened I found it to be both amusing but also curious when thinking about my art style. This is because I find it somewhat creepy and disturbing in a way which I find definitively relates to my own artwork along with my previous points as I find myself always enjoying and having a genuine interest in drawing gory and more horror related subjects.

Leading on from the indigo dyes and the production of the ingredients, they then spoke further about the history of textiles. They explained that in 1954 there was a strike, and that Japan was the biggest producer of the dyes. Additionally women began striking about women’s union rights and how they should start to be treated more fairly during the production of the dyes. They further explained that in renaissance Europe, silk was considered a luxury.

As I had finished going through all the notes I had, I then went on to the notes my friend gave me, along with some information I found on their websites. To begin with I found that Ines Doujak was born in 1959 in Klagenfurt, Australia and she now lives in Vienna Australia and London in the UK. She researches, writes and teaches in the areas of visual culture, and material aesthetics with a queer-feminist, anti-racist and anti-colonial focus and works with her associate John Barker. Furthermore, Barker was born in 1948, in London in the UK. He has written extensively on political economy for over 40 years and additionally writes in fiction and memoir. Furthermore, I will now talk about the notes and bullet points my friend gave me to help me further understand the topics talked about in the lecture. The social elements of the textiles in the lecture were Peruvian and Bolivian and they also talked about the techniques to making the outfits. Colonialism also effected their garments and culture and the clothing in their society dictates people’s general wealth, social class and the amount of power people had at the time. Linking to the abuse and unfair use of women, they were also fetishised at the time and they were treated unfairly all the way through the production of the dyes. The hats they wire at the time were derived from Spanish invaders and this strongly showed the domination and power they had over the people who oppressed them for years. A section of the lecture I missed was about the “Devils Food” artwork// poster they created. The posters imagery depicts slaves in the indigo pool being oppressed into forcefully creating the dyes for bigger corporations. There were additional fights about bigger companies wanting to be the biggest distributors of the dye as is was expensive and a range of people needed it and used it to show power over others. When women produced the dyes they claimed to have learnt it from witches. This information I gained helped me have a greater understanding of the topics and issues talked about in the lecture, I’m glad I took the initiative to ask others for help when I was unable to have access to all of the information and knowledge given in the lecture.

Additionally, overall, I found their artwork to be interesting, but the areas I found to be the most interesting were the video of the festival and the historical and social significance of indigo dyes and how women were treated during the production. Apart from the points I just made previously, I find the remaining sections in the lecture such as the textiles history and the archives of work doesn’t relate to my own work at all. I have never found any interest in textiles or its history, although it was no fault of the artists, I feel I would have gained a greater interest in the lecture and of their work overall if I could’ve heard more of it. Although, considering I couldn’t hear what they were saying I then went to ask other students about their notes and as I explained in the beginning of the blog, one of my friends helped me by giving me a run-down of their own notes along with some bullet points.

Overall, even though there were a few minor issues with this week’s lecture, I found it to be attention-grabbing and gave me a greater understanding of textiles. Especially since I haven’t ever had much of an interest in textiles, I am surprised that this managed to help me be more interested and curious about textiles both as an art medium and as a historical standpoint in history.

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