#i remember back in 2018 fucking 5 YEARS AGO after i finished the finale there were a few weeks where id just burst into tears randomly

[lupsbro]

welp i am crying

thanks taz balance episode 69

[master-k0hga]

| N A R I K O |

[ Category: The Promised Land ]

| 'Nother old gal who hasn't been touched since 2018 where I kept going on a spree making all these colourful Yiga OCs for the BotW era before I decided to change them into their own thing...

Anyways this is Nariko, she's Shigure's twin sister and is ofc the complete opposite to his personality- fhfnfhdh Aaaaand uuuuuhhhh... Yeah I just forgot I need to update his ref sheet and put it back on the post cuz I just realised I actually forgot to do that!.. But uh yeah anyways, not much to say other than she's Shigure's twin, she's a lesbian aaaand she actually works for the Frostclaw organisation from another region! She's like a delivery guy~~ (ETHEJJETHHHHOMG LIKE FR!! When they were all Yigas of mine then Nariko was LITERALLY a postal service specifically assigned by Takeshi after he took over Kohga's position like years after a different outcome to the original story thrjgegehd- How the fuck did I make that connection and just remembered said fucking connection holy shit that was YEARS ago how did I remember that shit!!)

... But uhm yeah so- ... Time to adapt her character further some other time and hopefully I'll have all my OCs finished by the end of the year! ... To which I doubt but one can dream...

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Name: Nariko Species: Inferno Elf General Personality: Kind, supportive, neutral, easy going, funny, jokester, loyal, clumsy Height: 7ft "5" Relationship Status: Single

Extra Info:

Twin sister to Shigure, they both share the same last name "Lotus" as neither are even married to anybody; Not saying Nariko herself hasn't got her eyes on someone, in fact she's overly fascinated with her supervisor, Monaka

She works at the postal service department of the Frostclaw traders in the Marshlands, which is close to the Sacred Forest; She does her deliveries mostly on foot which for comedic reasons gets her lost, stuck or sends her to the other side of the land to where she was supposed to go

In order to travel more "efficiently" during her shifts, Nariko had actually adjusted her boots so she can somewhat easily travel on almost any surface whether marsh, gravel or grassy lands to get to her destination... Instead of being a normal person and using transportation literally provided by the organisation

She doesn't see her brother often due to where they both work, but no doubt she doesn't enjoy the smell of his smoker breath and will always badger on to Shigure about the health complications and all sorts with the excessive smoking

Loves eating wheat, just raw wheat; Like her brother who nibbles on paper for whatever reasons, Nariko loves wheat for the texture of it against her teeth

Even though Nariko is also a member of the postal service department, she's also part of the security and defence for the Marshlands branch; She carries a sniper gun, making her a very skilled and reliable sniper

She's had her fair share of encounters with rogue assassins and even Kira's henchmen on her travels, especially a couple times coming across the Bounty Hunter; Who of course whoever is an ally of the Golden Palace whether directly or indirectly, will be attacked on sight, especially as the Frostclaw (Takeshi specifically) are very close allies to King Aurelius. She had to make a run for it or hide a few times even just hearing news of said Bounty Hunter is ever in the area; Fighting alone is futile in this instance

Because of travelling so much due to her job requiring it, Nariko has picked up a lot of languages and accents around the realm that she is fluent in almost every single one

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

... Ok and yeah! That's all for Nariko for now, I'll try adapting her and a few others some other time when I've finally gotten to at least the rest of my OCs... I srsly hoping to get to most of them by the end of the year, to which I still have a plenty of time til then, but.. It's just trying to actually get to them when my motivation decides to be a piece of shit..

Luckily I'm taking my sweet ass time with art and OC refs so hopefully I get the ball running with that..

Anyways- Another drawing/OC ref added to the art spam which will either hopefully be this week or in the span of the couple weeks since I at least have a few Saturdays off.. To which I'm only be working two days so that's nice! I'll hopefully have more time on my art along with other irl related stuff-..... Yeah, guess that's it!

. Nariko, Art © Me . DON’T RE-POST .

[realitybitesyouknowit]

Pros and cons of Ao3 and Fanfiction

I regularly wonder if i've read a fic or not after opening the link to whatever someone else was looking for in ao3. There's no good way to know unless you A) remember. B) wait a little bit and hope the number of times a link been clicked in history gives it away which not accurate cause I've had tabs open for months and not actually read them. Or C) Have the patience of a saint to scroll through the kudos to see if your tag is there cause I tend to kudos thinks 've finished or started and bookmarked. I wish your kudos stayed at the top of the list so you'd just know. Lord please don't ask me why I don't make collections cause I darn well haven't figured it out. Ergo why I share thinks on here with a million tags in hopes of finding things again if need be. My favorite thing about ao3 is the bookmark and save for later feature that fanfiction lacks. Alternatively I adore the fact fanfiction lets you fave stories and authors and then you can look through your faves to see what you have and haven't read base on authors I.E. for me I'm working my way through Beepkeeper atm didn't realize I hadn't binged them all yet. Not a fan of the follow story feature so much as yes it tells you there's an update in email but you have to remember where you left off yourself.

I also get sucked into the trap of rereading things rather than finishing the other 100 tabs already up because hey I loved that story. Vaguely remember bits and pieces but the ending is doggy so lets recap anyways. I bookmarked that story years ago and forgot about it waiting for updates but now it's finally finished and I need to know it from front to back. Last but not least that story has been bookmarked for ages and remains unfinished must to your dismay but you want to remember what everyone's talking about anyways. I'm about to go cry in a corner because I thought the The much better, Dursley's can fuck off, Slytherins are people too AU series was complete only to realize part 5 hasn't been updated since 2018.

They used the the thing!!!! Like there's a whole prompt about Charlie calling the dragons his kids wearing onsies on this site floating around somewhere and they used it!!!!!I just gaaaah nevermind Harry is just this precious bean that attracts all manner of dangerous and mystical creatures to him. Minnie is a bamf mama cat. Pansy and Hermione are the most terrifying duo in the world plotting world domination with their gf Millie along for the ride. Like This series is gold and its not finished and the cliffies gonna kill me.

[celestialrry]

stood up

3.5k

hello everyone!!!! I've been awol for literally weeks because i had absolutely NO motivation to write but i finally finished this piece ˊᗜˋ so YAY. ALSOO thank you for following me, liking, and reblogging my pieces (it encourages me somuchsothankyouireallyappreciateit-- and remember reblogging really helps us writers :))) )  here’s a hug for all ur patience and feel free to send me asks or requests i love talking to you guys! ε(♡'-')з

summary: Harry keeps standing Y/N up. (request from @ballerinrry! thank u love)

warnings: cursing, mentions of alcohol and sex, angsty but with a happy ending cause for some reason i can never let them end on a bad note

Y/N was excited.

It had been a while since Harry had asked her to go on a date, it was always the other way around recently. She couldn’t blame him though, Y/N knew just how busy Harry always was, and it wasn’t like he was purposefully not asking her to go do things, he just had a lot on his plate.

That’s what she kept telling herself anyways. 

It’s what she told herself when it had been 2 weeks since they had even eaten a meal together, and given the fact that just a few months ago Harry had come back to London for a while, that was rare. So, Y/N asked him to grab lunch on a Saturday while they were lying in bed together, and when he agreed, but failed to show up, leaving Y/N sitting at the cafe, her lips morphed into a frown and her eyes not focusing on the phone in front of her, she told herself he was simply booked up with meetings and studio time and such. 

Thats what he told her when he got into bed that night to apologize for accidentally standing her up. She forgave him, of course, and suggested they could just get dinner the next week. He agreed, even walked around to his calander her to show her he was marking the date off in his calendar with a heart, her first initial, and 7:00 PM etched into the little box with red sharpie. 

So, the week passed with quick kisses of good mornings and good nights, and while Harry was gone Y/N had on a black dress she had been excited to wear for a while now, with those little mini silver heels and a coat strung over her shoulders as she sat on her couch waiting for Harry to swing by to pick her up. She shot him a text that simply asked “You otw? xx”

He was not.

It took about 30 minutes of waiting on their couch to realize he was standing her up, again. And it took until the next morning for Harry to see her text (his phone had been on do not disturb while he was at the studio and he ended up spending the night at Sarah and Mitch’s after a few beers), and for the guilt to seep through his veins. 

He apologized, again. And Y/N forgave him, again. 

Only until it got to the point where Y/N no longer remembered the amount of times Harry had stood her up, for being at the studio, or sleeping after a meeting, or simply just not paying attention to his phone, she knew there was a problem. 

Harry was fully aware of the problem too. He knew that this was no way to ever treat a partner, and if someone was doing this to him, he’d dump them— well, he’s never been one to end a relationship unless it was necessary, so that’s an exaggeration, but it’s the principle of the thing. 

Which is why when he got home one day around 11 PM, gave her a kiss to the forehead after she sat up in their bed to give him a hug, and a soft  “Can we talk?” escaped her lips, he knew he had to fix this. So he asked her if they could talk over dinner the next night, he just wanted to sleep but also wanted to fix things with his girl, asking her if she was free of course, before telling her he’s gonna make a reservation at that nice restaurant the two of them used to go to quite often, because “it’s been a while since I’ve taken my favorite girl out”.

A grin broke out on her face because he had asked her! And if Harry was planning it, there’s no way he’d cancel or stand her up. 

 So yeah, Y/N was excited.

She woke up that morning with a smile on her face, and something akin to a what she thinks a rainbow would feel like running through her veins. It had only been a few months since she’d last been on a date with her boyfriend of almost 2 years and a half in person, and she was going to make the most of it. Because after this date, things would change. They’d spend more time together again and it would be like this little bump (that neither had acknowledged) never happened.

Y/N did, well, everything to prepare. Took a long shower, shaved, put on that coconut lotion Harry likes— he tended to dig his face in her neck when he smelled it while holding her—, brushed her teeth more than 3 times, dug in her closet to find that one patterned soft purple dress she bought ages ago but never had a change to wear it, until now, put on those really cute heels Harry said he liked once (“Looks like something you’d wear on a runway pet, I love ‘em.”), and even styled her hair differently than normal.

He had told her he would swing by at 8 on the dot after the studio, and soon enough, it was 8, with no sign from the man who made the promise himself. Y/N thought maybe there was traffic, he was just running late, texted him a quick, “Can’t wait to see you!! xxx” and put her phone on the coffee table, waiting on their couch. 

8 turned to 9, 9 turned to 10, 10 turned to 11, and soon it was midnight. Y/N doesn’t think she’d ever felt more empty than how she felt then, walking to their shared room of a year, slipping off her heels and tossing them towards the closet, as well as pulling her dress over herself and letting it fall to the floor behind her, grabbing that one t-shirt she always wears when she needs comfort (which just happened to an extra 2018 Live on Tour shirt Harry had laying around that she snatched just 3 months into them dating), and flopping into bed.  

She couldn’t fall asleep, and instead spent her time curled up in their bedsheets, a steady flow of tears making their way down her blush covered cheeks.

。:°ஐ

Harry usually didn’t make mistakes.

Sure, he had his moments, grabbing the wrong coffee off the counter when his name was called at the cafe, forgetting to text Jeff that he actually couldn’t make it to a meeting that was scheduled in a few hours. Just little things, things that didn’t matter that much, and could always be fixed. He didn’t usually make mistakes that weren’t easy to fix. He just wasn’t that kind of guy.

Until, he was.

Harry loved Y/N. He loved having her around, loved spending time with her, loved loving on her, loved kissing her, loved touching her, loved the way she went about almost everything. He was so in love with her, that hurting her was out of the question. He never wanted to be the one to make her cry, make her bottom lip quiver before the tears rushed out like he’d seen many times before, due to movies, his songs (which as sadistic as it sounds was an ego builder to have someone so close to him so affected by the music he wrote), her school work, or even her friends that weren’t being so nice.

In fact, he was so in love with her, even being so afraid of commitment (it took him over a year of them dating to ask her to move in), all he wanted to do was blurt out those 4 dreaded words. “Will you marry me?” It was a bond for life, and he was terrified of that, but with Y/N all he wanted to do was spend the rest of his living days with her.

When Harry had come back from being in L.A. for so long and finally being in the same city as his girlfriend back at their home, all they did was spend time together. Every time he saw Y/N all he wanted to do was say those 4 words that he hadn’t even fully come to terms with himself. It was dangerous, and Harry’s self control when it came to Y/N was lacking, so he simply did was every normal person would do in his situation.

He stood her up. 

Many more times than he could count, and of course he felt like the shittiest person in the world— shittiest boyfriend in the world—but at least now she can’t possibly be under the impression that he wanted to marry her, which is what he wanted. Or thought he wanted, until Sarah called him up one day after he had stood Y/N up for dinner the night before and told him off. Told Harry just how fucking terrible he made Y/N feel, how unwanted she thought she was, how she felt like they were loosing their relationship, and Harry didn’t know what to do with himself. (Of course Y/N had sobbed to Sarah about it over the phone while she was drunk off the wine she opened 40 minutes after Harry said he would be there, so she really didn’t even remember the conversation).

And later that day Harry had come home, heard her wavering voice asking if they could talk, and decided in his head he would tell her how he felt, how sorry he was, and how he wanted to be with her forever and love her forever if she allowed him. He had a few expectations for their dinner, that Y/N would probably tell him how he’s made her feel, and Harry would apologize, tell her why he did it, explain he thought it was no excuse, then tell her he plans on marrying her (obviously not proposing just yet, but finally bringing up the conversation they had never had even though they were in a serious committed relationship) and they’d go back home, have the most amazing sex ever, and forget about the whole thing. 

What Harry didn’t expect was to get a call from Jeff around 5 asking him to come to the studio to fix few vocals, then end up nailing down 2 songs in one night, go to a bar with the band to celebrate, get drunk, then pass out at Mitch and Sarahs flat. 

But that’s what happened, according to Mitch, who woke Harry up the very next morning. 

“Good morning man, wakey wakey,” Mitch’s teasing tone echoed through Harry’s (what felt like full of vodka) brain as he groaned and squinted his eyes. “Why are you waking me up at this hour in the morning?” Harry asked drearily, sighing and simultaneously regretting last night as a whole because the last thing he wanted to do while hungover was be up before at least 9 AM.

“We’ve gotta go to meet with Jeff about tour in like a hour, H” Mitch stated .

At Mitch’s words Harry sat up on their couch, eyes wide in fear. “Wait mate, I thought tha’ meeting was on Wednesday.”

“It is Wednesday H, god how drunk did we let you get last night…” Mitch said, beginning to recount some of Harry’s antics the night before. Harry however, couldn’t hear a thing with the blood pumping through his ears. If today was Wednesday, that meant yesterday was Tuesday, and he went and got trashed at a bar with his friends Tuesday night when— when he was supposed to be on a date with Y/N, when he was supposed to confess his intentions, when he was supposed to apologize for standing her up over and over, yet instead he went and did it again.

Now this, this was a mistake.

“…H. H. Harry? Are you there?” Mitch’s voice came back into focus and Harry shook his head. “I- fuck, I was supposed to take Y/N out last night.” Harry said, his voice trembling.

‘I’m sure she’ll forgive you, it’s just one night.” Mitch tried to make Harry feel better. He knew Y/N was a very forgiving person, she would get over this in no time.

“No, she won’t. I-I’ve stood her up for the past month and a half, Mitch.”

At these words, Mitch stands straight up  making pained eye contact with Sarah in the kitchen who was overhearing most of this conversation with her eyes wide. She had no idea it was this bad. “Month and a half? I thought it was just that one time a few weeks ago, Harry what the hell is wrong with you?” Harry simply shook his head and didn’t reply. He had absolutely no idea how to make it up to her. “I-fuck, I don’t know Mitch!” Harry raised his voice. “I need to see her and apologize, now.” Harry said, standing up and rushing over to the front door and slipping on his shoes. 

“This meeting is mandatory Harry, as much as I want you to see her too, she’d probably still asleep, and I don���t think this can be solved in under an hour.” Mitch said calmly, already knowing Harry was close to walking out his door. Harry stayed silent for a moment, weighing the options. Either go apologize to his girlfriend, or prioritize himself over her again. 

“We can do it another day, I’m sorry, but I have to go see her, tell Jeff I feel sick.” And he walked out without another word.

。:°ஐ

The morning after Harry stood Y/N up again was brutal. 

She stayed up all night, replaying moments with Harry in her head, analyzing if he wanted to be there with her, wondering if maybe he felt like he had to stay with her out of pity. It was torture, and the pain seemed to turn into numbness as time went by, and eventually the sun came up, and she stayed in bed, her motivation lost.

A loud crash and “Fuck!” woke her up, swollen eyes fluttering open to the invasive noise. Y/N furrowed her brows, her mind connecting everything that happened yesterday and unfortunately reminding her of the unbearable pain she went through the night before. A groan escaped her lips as she sat up and flung her legs out of her bed sheets that had been flung off the bed in the middle of the night.  She began grumbling to herself as she made her way downstairs, ready to tell Harry off for making so much noise.

Her mouth stopped moving, and instead remained in limbo as her eyes met Harry’s. His mouth opened to speak, but his words were caught in his throat as he saw the state she was in. It was when her mouth pressed into a line that he could begin talking. “Y/N, baby, please I know you don’t wanna see me or talk t’me right now but I’m so fuckin’ sorry, love. So so sorry, it was an accident, I went t’ the studio to fix a few things then got hung up on the songs and by the time we went to celebrate I completely lost track of time, and I was too drunk to drive home so I crashed at Mitch’s.”

Her mouth fell open at his words. Everything was happening too fast. Hearing that he stood her up to drink at a fucking bar to celebrate himself, then coming home and accidentally knocking over a glass in their kitchen (which she put together was the crash earlier after seeing the shards of broken glass on the floor) frustrated her to no end. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him any longer, and Harry had stopped talking after realizing what he just admitted to her. Without another glance, instead of looking at Y/N’s tear stained face, all he saw was her back, walking up the stairs to their room. 

“Fuck,” He said to himself before following her up the pink stairs. “Y/N, love wait-please, I’m so sorry, I just need to talk to you, I need to explain myself, please.” He begged as she shut their bedroom door in his face, his voice turning into a desperate whine at the end. 

。:°ஐ

It’s been 3 days since then, and she hasn’t spoken to him. He would leave in the mornings, kissing her forehead and mumbling an “I love you” and telling her exactly what time he’d be home, before leaving and coming back on time to find an empty plate in the sink and her lying in their bed, whether it be reading, scrolling on her phone, or typing on her laptop. He would apologize many times, reaching his hand out for hers and she would simply situate herself in their bed and lay down, back turned to him. 

Harry just couldn’t take it anymore. 

It was when she had finally let him kiss her forehead goodnight that he decided to take his chance. “Y/N.” He spoke softly, with no response or anything to indicate she heard him. “Baby, can we please talk- or I’ll talk and you listen, I just- I really need to say some things.” 

She was still faced away from him when he leaned against their headboard and he decided to keep going. 

“I- um. I’m sure you know how sorry I am, but I really am- sorry I mean. Not just for tonight but for every other time I’ve stood you up. I’m so sorry for not showing you how much you matter to me, and how much the things you do matter to me.”

It was then that she slowly sat up next to him and looked at him, eyes begging him to continue. He blushed at her intense eye-contact that he had barely gotten over the past few days and took a breath, opting to look at his hands fidgeting in his lap.

“We’ve been together for 2 and almost a half years, which is the longest relationship I’ve been in, and it’s no excuse to treat you this way, but I had just been thinking about how things progress even further than now,” He coughs. “Which is marriage, and when I finally came home, all I wanted to do was ask you to marry me- I don’t- m’not proposing right now, I just- I got really scared because wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone is crazy to me,

I’ve never thought that way about anyone else until you, I didn’t even really want to get married before you, and I started to distance myself before I ended up telling you this, but obviously that blew up in my face.” He chuckled a bit, locking eyes with her unreadable ones for a moment and lifting a hand to run through his hair. “What I’m trying to say, is that I love you, so so much, and I plan on marrying you— obviously if you want to too, of course— and I’m so sorry for trying to make you think that I didn’t care about you anymore or love you any less, because it’s the complete opposite of that.”

His eyes were watery now, as he started down at his interlocked fingers, and his eyes widened when her hand was gently placed over his own. “Harry,” Y/N began. “Look at me, please.” 

His head lifted to see her facing him, her brows knitted and a small smile on her face. “I forgive you, okay? I could tell you were kind of scared of commitment when we first started dating, and I wish I could say your reason for standing me up is surprising but it’s not.” They both chuckled a bit at this. “I- I’m still upset at you, I need you to know that, because 2 months of thinking the love of your life is avoiding you doesn’t feel all too great, so you suck for that,” she said, planting a quick kiss to his cheek which quickly turned pink. “But Harry, even if you asked me to marry you a year ago I would have said yes. I love you, so much, and I plan on spending the rest of my life with you as well. I’m sorry for giving you the silent treatment, it was… unnecessary and immature. So, thank you for apologizing. I love you.” She confessed again.

“S’okay, I deserved it, and I love you too. Maybe even more. So um, we’re okay?” Harry asked, a hopeful smile on his face. 

She nodded with a smile and pulled him into a much needed hug and pulled away only for him to bring her into an even more needed kiss. “If you ever try to pull that shit again, I’m breaking up with you.” She laughed and he tackled her into the sheets hiding his face in her neck.

“Duly noted, love. Duly noted.”

[wizardysseus]

i was thinking about once upon a time (abc) in bed this morning so i decided to write this list

subject to change, since awhile ago i was in the middle of season 6 when they took it off netflix and i never quite got around to picking it back up. i’m gonna finish if it kills me i promise

top 5 things about once upon a time

5. anna frozen

when ouat introduced frozen characters, most fans decided the show had jumped the shark. they were not wrong. however, it was this very thing that allowed the show to be fun again! after an excruciatingly bad season 3 (we will get to that), bringing on anna and elsa literally transported directly from their own unaltered story in cheap ass versions of their unaltered movie costumes allowed the show to let loose and do... basically whatever it wanted. this became the hallmark of the show for those who stuck with it: absolutely not making sense at all, but being fun about it. post-season-three ouat becomes a totally different soap opera from season one, but by god you are never bored.*

personally, the flashback episode where anna annoys rumpelstiltskin and gets the better of him and he’s so fucking mad about it is like top 10 episodes**

4. 2x16 “the miller’s daughter”

this episode is just another personal favorite. it exemplifies what this show was really good at when it was good, and also where everything went wrong. i think cora is a great example of a good ouat villain, i think the twist on the rumpelstiltskin story is great, i think the dramatic beats really work.

...and in typical ouat fashion, cora immediately dies and two more villains we don’t care about at all are introduced. (sonequa forgive me you know i’m in love with you but tamara was nothing. it’s not your fault.) yes we get that great scene of snow aggressively doing archery practice while listening to “bad reputation” but was it worth killing off a compelling villain just as you’d dug into her story?

3. the commitment to regina’s redemption

and lana parrilla in general. i mean i’m gay and she’s hot but the worse the show got, the more acting lana gave it. and this is just speculation, but i think lana is more comfortable with drama than with camp? because regina becomes a much more interesting character as someone conflicted and on the path to redemption than as a villain. and by god, they were gonna redeem regina.

if only she had been gay we really could have had it all.

2. rumpelstiltskin

the sweet spot with rumpelstiltskin for me was seasons one and two when he was unabashedly bastard, there was an attempt to make him sympathetic but nobody except belle actually liked him, you weren’t quite sure how much he knew, he was pulling all the strings, and he was just really fucking weird. it will surprise no one who follows this blog to hear that that is my type of wizard.

1. season one

it’s a good season. it’s a good season. there are some bad things about it, but it was extremely watchable. it was doing fairy tales with occasional disney nods in a (mostly) cohesive fashion. the lore and the magic hadn’t sprawled out of control yet. it had the strongest relationship, imo, between emma and henry, and emma and snow. as for iconic episodes, most of the greats are here, plus sebastian stan as the mad hatter and giancarlo esposito as a series regular. the crowning moment for me is the scene at the end of skin deep, when regina confronts gold in the town jail and he reveals that he remembers his real name (after beating the shit out of belle’s dad with his cane obviously). god. that is some good television.

worst 5 things about once upon a time

5. the adoption politics but everyone knows this one.

4. WASTING the talent

you had the love of my life sonequa martin-green and gave her nothing. you somehow scored oded fehr as jafar and gave him nothing. you had giancarlo esposito and regina literally forgot he existed. i will kill you

3. rumpelstiltskin.

it’s no secret that robert carlyle was acting circles around most of the cast; my opinion is that the showrunners felt that if they committed to either his redemption or his villainy, they would never find someone else with the talent to fill his shoes as bastard wizard. so they flip-flopped on him every half-season, which ruins his story longterm, slowly kills the light in robert’s eyes, and gets reallllllly old. it’s also no secret that my favorite rumpelstiltskin is bastard wizard, but they screwed over belle BIG time in the process and for that i will never forgive them.

also like. the rumpelstiltskin fairy tale is antisemitic to begin with and they did not minimize that by comparing him to a lizard and naming his storybrooke counterpart mr gold. they just. did that.

2. THE FUCKING NEVERLAND ARC GOD IN CHRIIIIIIIIIIIST THAT HALF-SEASON IS EXCRUCIATING

1. captain hook

*it’s my opinion that if you are bored, you’re watching a hook-centric episode. every time i dropped the show and forgot about it for months at a time, it was because i had been in the middle of an episode about hook and just could not get through it. how do i describe all the things i don’t like about what killian hook jones did to the show? with subpoints!

1a. the episode where gold gives him back his hand and he never changes.

**this is actually the same episode i mentioned about anna and, like i said, it’s one of my favorites and not at all boring. look, i’m not pretending this list isn’t subjective as hell.

remember when hook blackmailed mr gold into magically reattaching his hand, which gold has been keeping in a jar, because hook has a date with emma and wants it to go well? but also, gold tells him that if he reattaches his hand with dark magic, it will turn him evil? and then hook spends the episode doing evil things, only for mr gold to tell him “i was just messing with you! the hand was not evil, you gave yourself permission to be evil ;)”

yeah, that’s basically hook’s mo.

1b. episode where emma tells him his brother is lying to him and he learns the exact wrong lesson from this and never changes.

so emma goes to the underworld to get hook back after he dies (while being evil and doing villainous things). they find his brother down there, too, and emma senses that he has a dark secret (because he does) and is lying to them (because he is). but hook always idolized his older brother, so he won't believe her. when emma confronts the brother directly, hook interrupts to rant to her about how he knows what this is ~really all about.

actual dialogue:

HOOK: i don't need proof to know what's really going on here. emma, when are you gonna admit that this isn't really about my brother? EMMA: what else would you think it was about? HOOK: us. you think if you can prove that liam is a villain, then i’ll somehow feel like i was less of one.

who... would EVER come to that conclusion. and why is the lesson he learns at the end “perhaps i do deserve saving after all” (another direct quote), and not “NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU, BECAUSE EMMA WAS LITERALLY RIGHT ABOUT YOUR BROTHER LYING TO EVERYONE”????

1c. the emma dark one arc, where hook never changes.

this would be the arc that leads up to the above underworld arc, and it is deeply dumb, entertaining, and hard to explain. suffice it to say, during this whole arc, killian (along with emma) has all the powers and ~~~Darkness~~~ of the dark one (formerly rumpelstiltskin). unlike emma, he is not aware of this for most of the season. the moment he finally finds out, he turns on emma and goes through with all the revenge plans he’s apparently been holding onto since season two.

it’s supposed to be sympathetic, because emma made this choice for him to be a dark one, which is clearly awful, when he didn’t want it. so i get that. but on the other hand, it is..... boring. because (a) it's nothing we haven't seen him try to do and fail at before, his motivations really aren't that complex. and more importantly, (b) he was the dark one the whole time! the only thing that changed, that made him act evil, was finding out about it. at that point, it's not the ~~~Darkness~~~ making you do evil things. it’s just you. because you’re a dick.

how is this arc resolved? well, he dies. after the underworld arc (which i very much enjoyed tbf), a sizable part of robin hood’s death episode is devoted to people telling emma to slow down and grieve for killian, since at least two arcs have revolved around her inability to let hook go when he is literally dying or dead. (it’s been said a million times but being his girlfriend really sucked the personality out of emma and i miss her.) and in the end he just... comes back anyway. no explanation given; he says it must be a reward from zeus for killing hades... while he and emma make out literally in front of the coffin of robin hood... who actually died fighting hades. killian died half a season before. while he was evil. and emma reverts to tearful girlfriend.

it’s insulting. it’s grating. and it is a Killian Hook Jones Guarantee that his episodes will involve some measure of this.

like, is it more or less the same shtick that the writers kept giving rumpelstiltskin, too? backsliding and screwing over his love interest who gets less and less say in the matter? yes. definitely. the crucial difference is that i, personally, love rumpelstiltskin, while i find hook boring and not self-aware. but clearly i have had a lot of fun complaining about him! again, this is not an objective list.

conclusions

this show ran for 7 years. it got cancelled not because it deserved to, but because no one liked the soft reboot. it was on until 2018.

[hoodharlow]

Missed Opportunity

Summary: This the how Claudia and Calum met. 

Warnings: none just two kids failing at flirting

Word Count: 2.7k

October 2018

"You know what I've been craving? Fish tacos from the place we went to in San Diego." Calum told his bandmates.

They had  just finished sound check for their final show of the US leg of the tour. In less than two weeks they would be off to Europe for the final leg.

"Or you want to go see if you see that pretty waitress." Michael commented.

"What pretty waitress?" Calum asked casually as if he had no idea who Michael meant.

"You know damn well which pretty waitress we're talking about. The one that gives you free chocolate cake and flan." Michael retorted.

"What? No!" Calum's cheeks redden. He knew that they weren't going to let that go anytime soon. They hadn’t for the past five years. 

Calum has had a crush on her for almost 5 years. It all started when she kicked out a bunch of fans that followed him and Luke to the restaurant. He tried flirting with her but failed miserably that day. The next day he went back to pick up an order. That time she was more approachable. She even apologized for her attitude from the day before, letting it slip that she was a fan of the covers they did. She awkwardly asked if it was okay for her to ask for a picture. 

Since then, every time the boys had a show in San Diego, they went there before the show to get food. Calum's order always has a slice of chocoflan.

Calum stopped by a few days ago when they had their show, but she wasn't there. He asked one of the other servers if they at least had the chocolate cake and flan dessert. They came back with the owner, who told him that Claudia, the waitress, was in LA for school, and she was also the one that made the chocoflan. The news left him disappointed. He wanted to ask her dad more, but he knew any dad wasn't about to tell a stranger the whereabouts of his daughter. 

"Cal!" Michael clapped his shoulder. Calum blinked a few times. "We gotta get going. We're late for that radio interview."

***

“Hey pa, what’s up?” Claudia answered her phone. Her face lit up when her dad's face came on the screen. She hadn't talked to her dad in days. He was sitting in the patio area of the restaurant.

"¿'Tas ocupada?" He asked her.

"Ahorita no because we're waiting for this band to show up. Their management called my boss y le dijeron that they're running late or something." She explained. 

Claudia works at her university's radio station. Her and her housemate host a segment called 'Girl Chat' where they talk about the most random topics. From matching lipstick to ones areolas to environmental racism and how stratification affects it. She got the job her first week of summer bridge. 

Claudia was a transfer student from a community college in San Diego, and part of the requirement for transfer students was that they participate in summer bridge where counselors and advisors help out students find a balance and the necessary resources to be successful at the 4 year institution. 

She was on her way to a workshop when she got lost. The radio station booth looked more approachable than the surrounding frat houses. That was when the DJ commented on her voice and how it was made for the radio. She laughed it off at first, but once she heard of the different segments, she was hooked. 'Girl Chat' was the first to spark her interest. She met Dulce, her now housemate. They bounced off each other and had good chemistry that kept the listeners listening.

"What's up?"Claudia asked again. She pulled her legs up and sat criss-cross applesauce. 

"I keep forgetting to tell you, but I remembered it because of something I heard on the radio. ¿Te acuerdas de ese grupo con el muchacho al que siempre le das chocoflan?" Her dad asked. Claudia's mind instantly went to Calum. 

"No," She responded. She looked to the side avoiding looking at her dad. 

"Yes, you do. I saw how your eyes did that thing." Claudia rolled her eyes at him. "Anyways, him and the other boys were at the restaurant a few days ago y pregunto por ti. Well not you, but he asked about the chocoflan. And then I mentioned how we only serve it when you’re in town. It looked like he wanted to ask me about you, but he didn’t.”

“Right,” Claudia laughed. How can someone like Calum Hood even ask about her. 

Claudia and her dad spent more time talking until Dulce texted her that the people are about five minutes away. Her dad bid her bye and reminded her que se cuide Durante el concierto. Her other housemate, Sara, invited her to go see The Aces because something came up and her sister couldn’t go with her anymore. Claudia was very excited for it because they were opening for 5 Seconds of Summer. She was finally going to go see them. In all her years of being a fan, she never saw them live. 

While she waited, she tapped through the Instagram stories. Claudia paused at the 5SOS story. It was a picture of the radio station captioned ‘Tune in to Girl Chat on KBeach Radio today at 12:15.’ with a swipe up link. 

“No!” She whispered loudly to myself. 

“What?” Dulce glanced at her phone. 

“They’re the ones coming to campus?”

“Yeah, why?” 

“Why are we interviewing them? Of all the bands, 5 fucking Seconds of Summer? Were there no soundcloud rappers available?” She began to ramble. 

“Do you not like them?”

“No, I love them. I really fuck with their most recent album.” She calmly said. “But I have had the biggest crush on the bass player since I was 15 after telling off his fans.”

“Was that when you told your parents you were going to a church retreat but got caught?”

“In my defense, I was with my church friends. It would’ve worked if Danny didn’t hack my facebook and see the messages.” Claudia sat back. To this day she’s still mad at her twin brother for hacking her facebook. Not only was it a huge invasion of privacy, he had no reason for doing it. “I didn’t even straighten my hair. I look like a hot mess.” 

She covered her face and fake cried. Dulce looked at her as if she had grown a second head and then laughed, placing a record on play. Claudia heard the beginnings of  “If Walls Could Talk” and sank lower in her seat. The boys came in as the song played. They all introduced themselves, and she avoided making eye contact with Calum. The other boys looked at each other, at Calum and at her. She couldn’t helpbut notice how cuddly he looked in his iconic empathy hoodie and leather jacket combo. She’s seen one too many interviews where he wore the exact outfit. 

Claudia pulled her mic closer to her once she heard the last few seconds played. She sat straighter and began, “That was 5 Seconds of Summer with ‘If Walls Could Talk’ from their most recent album, ‘Youngblood’. Theyare today’s guests on ‘Girl Chat’. Thank you so much for taking some time off your very busy schedule to chat with us.” She smiled. 

“Thank you for having us. I think that’s the first time since we dropped Youngblood, that they played another song from the album. Everyone just plays ‘Youngblood’.” Ashton said after a few seconds of awkward silence.

“Well, ‘If Walls Could Talk’ is a bop and deserves more recognition.” 

“You have a really soothing voice.” Calum said casually. Michael snorted trying to cover up his laugh. 

“Oh, um thanks. I’ve been told that a lot.” She managed to say. 

“To be honest, I’m pretty sure it’s the only reason why she hasn’t gotten fired.” Dulce cut in trying to pass the conversation . “She’s said pretty wild shit on here. Remember when you caused a riot at the food court?” 

“A riot?” Luke asked in disbelief.

“It was not a riot, it was a gathering of angry people that took over and distributed all the food to all the students. In my defense, I was just bringing awareness to the food waste that happened. I never once said ‘start a riot’.” She explained.

“You just did.” Ashton pointed out. 

“He’s got you there.” Dulce laughed.

“PSA, please don’t riot. I really like my job. It helps pay for my Roscoe's habit.” She added.

***

The interview ran smoothly. What felt like only 15 minutes turned out to be almost 2 hours. Dulce and Claudia’s boss signaled them to keep going after the one hour mark. It was the most listeners they had all semester. There were some even tweets about them. Most were about how Claudia and Dulce were able to keep up with the boys’ crazy antics and jokes, unlike other radio interviews where they kinda stay quiet and jump to questions. 

During the interview, Calum not so subtly found Claudia’s instagram off the radio station’s instagram. It took everything not to request her right in front of everyone. He planned on asking for it after their interview, but the boys got bombarded with fans. The band hung back and took some pictures with them. He watched Claudia and Dulce leave, missing his chance, so he just sent her a follow request. 

At home he paced around his room packing some things for Duke while also waiting for Claudia to accept his follow request. He dm’ed her once she accepted the request telling her that they— he — were able to get her and her friend backstage passes to meet The Aces and hang out with them and the boys if they were interested. 

Minutes later she responded with a bunch of emojis and thank yous and that her friend is going to appreciate that. He quickly responds,  letting her know that he’s going to be by the security box at the parking lot ten min before the show?. Claudia responded thirty minutes later with a thumbs up. 

“It’s gonna be a good show, Duke. I just know it.”

***

“Are you fucking kidding me, Danny! This is why you made me come home?” Claudia pushed passed her twin brother and stomped to her room.

“Are you mad?” He asked entering her room.

“Yes, I am! Cuántas veces te tengo que decir: I don’t want to see Paco anymore.” 

“I’m doing you a favor, Claudia. You’re being a fucking coward.”

“Get the fuck out!”

Claudia crawled into bed and hugged her pillow. She let her tears roll down her cheeks.

Today started off great. She formally met her favorite band and had a conversation with them that didn't involve her asking if they wanted salsa verde for their burritos. She was finally going to see them live. Something she dreamed of since she was 15.Only for her brother to call her, making her drive 3 hours for nothing. 

Everyone in their friend group was pissed at her. According to them, she had fucked up the whole dynamic when she moved up to Long Beach. Only making it worse when her and Paco broke up.

If only they knew the truth, she thought to herself. Paco was the one that broke up with her. All because she didn't want to have sex with him. His words cut deep, claiming that she wasn't shit and how no one was going to want her like that once they find out she's a virgin. It wasn’t like there hadn’t been instances where they could've; shit, her head game is supreme. The thing was that she just never felt ready. There was something that kept her from giving herself to him.Instead he gave their friend group a bullshit excuse that she was then one that ended things because of school. 

Now she's the bad guy in this. She hugged her pillow tighter and drifted off to sleep. 

When she woke up it was well into midnight. She peeked at the driveway to see if her brother's car was there,and fortunately, it wasn't. 

She still couldn’t wrap her head around the fact her brother thought ambushing her with a party was going to resolve anything between her and Paco. 

Claudia wandered down to the kitchen for a snack. She saw a plate piled with flautas but opted for making grilled cheese. After flipping it to the other side, she checked her phone. She smiled at the message from Calum.

She had apologized profusely to him that she wasn't going to make it, but she was sending him a chocoflan with Dulce. Her and Sara convinced Dulce to go with Sara even though neither The Aces or 5 Seconds of Summer were her faves. 

You have no idea how relieved I was when I saw the chocolate cake and flan. At the radio I was going to ask you about it, but I didn't want to seem creepy . He messaged her.

😂😂😂 my dad literally ft'ed me, telling me you asked about it. I'm surprised you remembered our restaurant. She replied. She flipped the pan over a plate and wandered back to her room.

How can I forget about it or you, you shooed my fans away. 

Excuse you, I basically rescued you and Luke from a hoard of crazy teenagers

Ah yes my hero 😂😂😂

***

Around 3 am Calum stopped replying. Claudia assumed he passed out. She's on her 6th cup of coffee, and it was only 1pm. She decided to attempt to stay up the whole day so she can fix her sleep schedule. She had midterms in a few weeks, and she could fuck up her sleep then.

She was at the restaurant, sitting at her family's table and doing some homework while watching her niece and nephews. She occasionally checked her phone to see if Calum responded, but nothing popped up. 

She checked who saw her story on Instagram, and Calum was one of the first to see it. With the help of her dad, who can't record boomerangs to save his life, she recorded taking out some chocoflanes from the oven. Well, it was supposed to be that, but it was a shaky video of her struggling to get up from her squatting position while her dad laughed at her. That was 3 hours ago.

She went back to her research paper on food deserts in lower income communities and the impacts they have on the environment. She was 25 minutes deep into an HBO documentary about some kids in Philly not having any food options at a corner store when she spotted a very familiar green hoodie sitting out in the patio area from the corner of her eyes. 

Before Claudia could process that he was really here, her father walked up to him. She watched Calum laugh at something her father said. Then her father nodded and pointed straight at her. Her eyes widened, and she went back to the documentary as if it was far more interesting than anything else that was happening. 

"Guito, watch Paloma and Damian, I'll be right back." She said after she saw that Calum was not looking at her. She stood up and awkwardly beelined to the dessert bar and grabbed a slice of chocoflan and a fork. She was thankful he had his back to her when she nearly tripped over the step. 

Duke was the first to notice her. He yipped when he saw her approach them. Calum turned around and smiled at her. 

"Have another show?" She asked. She almost smacked herself at how stupid she sounded. 

"No," he chuckled. "I, uh, saw your story about making some chocoflan and just had to drive down for a slice."

He didn’t tell her how after the show last night, he had taken Duke out to pee, and when they came back the entire flan  was gone. Someone had accidentally put it out on the giant snacks table for crew members and other people. It soured his mood since Claudia wasn't at the show. 

When he saw her video, the next thing he knew was that he was by Pasadena on the I15. This time he was not gonna miss his chance.

[sabraeal]

2020 Creator’s Self-Love Extravaganza

Boy howdy, but it has been a year. So much so that I felt the need to dig up this meme so I can lavish myself with a little TLC, ‘cause you know what? I deserve it! And so do you. This year has been tough, and even in the best of times it can be a real struggle to remember that, instead of being your own worst enemy, you should strive to be your best cheerleader. Remember to be kind instead of cruel, to forgive rather than condemn yourself. Creativity is hard, and it is always a journey, never a final destination, so let’s take a moment and sight-see where we’ve been this year, yeah???

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works (fics, art, edits, etc.) you’ve created this year and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2020. If you don’t have five published works, that’s fine! Include ideas/drafts/whatever you like that you’ve worked on/thought about, and talk a little about them instead! Remember, this is all about self-love and positive enthusiasm, so fuck the rules if you need to. Have fun, and tag as many fellow creators as you like so they can share the love! <3

I was tagged by @bubblesthemonsterartist!

1.) With Ribs Laid Open - As many of you know, way, WAY back in 2018, when I was heavily pregnant with my second child, I hit 500 followers and decided to make a raffle for requesting fics which were supposed to be posted during my February-May hiatus after giving birth. This was a great idea pretty much right up until after the raffle winners was announced, since only a week or two later, my grandfather got massively ill, I got EVEN MORE heavily pregnant, and the great complex of shitty 2019/2020 occurred. I’d managed to finish Tender Concessions right at the turn of the new year due to Winter Challenge, which handled two of the promised fics, and this one ended up being the very first raffle fic I promised without a challenge helping me along. I’d been working on it off and on since the request was made, never quite getting it to sit right up until I started working on it at the end of 2019. It was not only a great personal accomplishment, but the daemon AU is really one of my favorite ones I’ve done, and getting to write Obi and Od Ana’s backstory was something I’d been dying to do since I posted Creatures of a Brief Season.

2) Sic Semper Monstrum - I started this fic in 2018, and it’d actually been an idea I’d had way back in 2016 when I first watched Pac Rim. It’s an AU I’ve always really enjoyed, and I really love how it’s turned into this ensemble piece, rather than strictly a ship fic (and I’m sure anyone who has read Seven Suitors knows how much I really love getting to do ensemble elements). But this year it had sort of an added meaning to me-- I’d promised vfordii I’d write this fic for her birthday at the end of December, but December is my MOST PACKED month, so she’s used to getting her present late...and then it got later. And later. And suddenly I was in the hospital because OH YEAH, I’d just been actively dying for about a year. It was actually when I was in the hospital recuperating that I realized my issue with the chapter I was working on-- I’d been trying to make it Zen POV, when it was very, very obviously meant to be Kiki’s. And when I got out, this ended up being the first fic I posted post-recovery. And then I added another chapter to it only a few weeks later! And it’ll be one of the first fics posted in 2021 (sorry, v). So this one really holds a big place in my heart right now, if only because it really came with me on my whole medical journey.

3) Seven Swipes for Shirayuki - As I’m sure plenty of you are aware, Seven Suitors was the fic I was known for for about...forever. It’s actually only within the last year or two that people have read something else of mine first, and the sequel tends to be the first thing most people ask about. But it was also my first posted fic EVER, and the first long form story I’ve completed in years, and so it holds a very special place in my heart. So trying to tell the modern version of it was utterly nerve-wracking. After all, a lot of Zen’s shenanigans wear a lot better on a prince than an American billionaire. It’s been slow to start, but I have to say...I’ve impressed myself with how the adaptation is going. I have a LOT of funs plan for it, but the biggest hump was really getting through the break up scene since it was always going to be...intense. And then I did it, in a way I really liked! And going forward, I’ll get to do a lot more tinder shenanigans, and a lot less heartbreak (mostly >:3c).

4) The Daisy Chain - I have...an embarrassing amount of fics that are sitting, untouched, with only one chapter left to go. Or at least, I pretend they do. But it was ACTUALLY true for Daisy Chain, so getting the opportunity to wrap up one fic I’d been working on since 2017 was...amazing. It was a lot of blood sweat and tears to get this finished, but I’m so happy to have completed something I started so long ago.

5) The Lone Wolf Survives - This is the fic I did not want to write. I’m not a fan of A/B/O; in fact I’m generally annoyed by it because it uses WRONG WOLF DYNAMICS and like, BAD SCIENCE, and though when it’s done good it’s GREAT, it’s usually done terrible and UGHHHH. So when I realized I needed to do it for bingo I...complained. A lot. The most. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But I eventually settled on the plot of this fic, letting it be canon-but-not, and it just...worked. And I’m ultimately proud that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and now may torture you with the smut that has not yet happened, ah ha ha ha >:3c

For tagging, I choose... @claudeng80, @infinitelystrangemachinex, @aeroplaneblues, and @k-itsmaywriting

[turtle-steverogers]

alright babe heres the first 5 I saw: "why are you covered in neon body paint?" "best not to ask" and "I cant breathe, I cant-" and "I cant walk just go on without me" and " ive had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with" and "hey guys im here and im ready to bitch"

hey guys, saph and i were facetiming earlier and she dared me to finally answer this ask she sent in like fall 2018 except i had to use all the prompts and the result is…well, i’m not sure what it is.  but its got criminal race and spot and a cryptic ass albert who makes lava lamps for his niece.  so yah. enjoy!

warnings: its pretty much crack, but there is a brief anxiety attack

ship: platonic race/al/spot

word count: 2490

editing: no

Something a Little Off-Kilter

-

Race was nine years old when his ma grabbed him by the chin, turned his face towards her and told him in all her harsh Italian-mother sternness, “We do not run from people, Antonio.  You have Mancini blood in your veins and Mancini’s do not run!”  And Race, with eyes blurred from tears and nose dripping with blood from the fight he’d just fled, nodded vigorously before trudging miserably to his bathroom to clean up (and cry a little more).

But he’d learned two things that day.  One: what a maiden name was and that his ma’s is Mancini and two: running is for losers who never want to stop running.  And he’d more or less kept up that sentiment, even if it cost him a black eye and some dignity in some circumstances.  Like that one time in eleventh grade when Spencer Reiding called him a fairy and in turn, Race had beat the living shit out of him until his little entourage had shown up and knocked him out cold.  But seriously, ‘fairy’? It’s not 19-fucking-50.

Race supposes, though, that all good sentiments meet their maker at one point or another.  Self-preservation over morals and all that, right? 

“Floor it, Christ, are you flooring it!?”  His grip on the ‘oh shit’ bar is white-knuckled and he can hear himself panting as he twists in his seat for what’s probably the hundredth time.  The blue and red flashing of the cop car that had been following them is nothing but a speck at this point, but Race isn’t really keen on taking any chances right now.  Tonight had been a close fucking call.  

“Yes, I’m flooring it, asshole!” Spot shouts, swerving around a lone subaru that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere on the otherwise empty stretch of desert highway.  Normally, Race would be surprised at the sheer lack of cars that are out, but he supposes 4 am in buttfuck Arizona is not prime time for travels.  

Letting out a little whine, Race turns to face forward again, stealing a quick glance at Spot as he does so.  He can see the faint worry lines on his face, reflected from the miniscule lights of the dash.  They’d opted to leave the headlights off for optimal covertness, but the moonlight over the desert proves to be more than sufficient.  

Spot’s anxious, Race can tell.  He remembers a year ago when the two of them had first met in that dingy bar in Brooklyn.  Spot had been nothing but a stoic mask at that time, only showing faint hints of amusement every now and then.  It had been incredibly disconcerting, especially to Race who wears his heart on his sleeve, to behold such utter passivity, but Race had since learned to read him.  Spending everyday together for twelve months is really the best lesson in a person’s tells, Race has found.  And really, when he spares a second thought to it, their situation and relationship therefore, is a strange one.  Two broke college grads down on their luck and bearing fuck all from their families meeting by chance and somehow finding themselves stuck in a loop of money laundering and identity theft in order to stay above ground.  Maybe not the best solution to their problems, but hey, Race never claimed to be smart with his choices.  And the rush of adrenaline is as much of a drug as the coke they sell on the side.

“God fucking damnit, is he still following us?” Spot says, eyes flitting to the rearview mirror.

“Dude, he caught us balls deep tryna break into a fucking bank.  He ain’t gon’ let us off that easy.” Race says, “Jesus fuck I told you we should stick to the other stuff.  We were making big cash just fine pulling paychecks from easy civvies.”

“Yeah, yeah, you can tell me ‘told you so’ when we get somewhere I can think.” Spot sounds exhausted and on-edge and Race himself is looking forward to this whole ordeal blowing over so they can find a place to ditch this car and grab a new one and maybe crash at some shitty inn no cop would think to look.  Yeah, laying low for a couple of days sounds perfect right now.  They don’t even have to leave the room.  Denny’s orders in, right?

“Oh, I will.” Race says, sighing an internal sigh of relief as the distant lights of a small town come into view.  Thank god.

Spot mumbles something that sounds like, “Fucking finally,” and eases up on the gas, turning abruptly once they enter the city perimeter.  

They’ve gotten good at this: losing tails, but Race still holds his breath as Spot loops around the backroads of the town, looking for a place to dump the car.  It’s a few minutes until Race can see the lights of the cop car reflecting off the drug store they’d passed upon first entrance and he hisses out another curse, jabbing Spot in the arm.

“Stop here,” He says, “If he finds the car, fine, but he sure as hell ain’t finding us in it.”

Spot looks like he wants to fight back, but instead, he surprises Race by pulling to a surprisingly quiet stop by an old auto-shop.  He gestures for Race to get out and swiftly grabs their duffels from the back seat, tossing Race’s to him, both pausing when the cop car cruises in front of the alleyway closest to them.  Inaudibly, they let out synchronous sighs of relief when it continues on. 

They cheat behind the auto-shop and are barely settled into identical crouches when a quiet, “Psst,” captures both of their attention.  Race jumps violently, only barely recovering in time to slap a hand over Spot’s mouth as he begins to shout in surprise.

“Over here,” the voice whispers again.

The two of them turn to look at where the auto-shop’s back door is now open and Race squints as the silhouette of a man comes into view.  He can see the man waving a hand in front of him, beckoning them closer, before exchanging a look with Spot.  A silent conversation passes between them, we’ve made bad choices before, what’s one more? And Spot shrugs a little before hoisting his duffel back onto his shoulder and tiptoeing towards the man.  Race follows behind warily. 

Now that he’s closer, Race can see that the man is about their age- young and a little rugged looking with hair that curls towards his jaw at the nape of his neck.  His face and arms are splattered with- well, Race’s first thought is that it’s blood, but upon further inspection, he sees that it’s paint.  Bright yellow and orange neon paint.

He has a lot of questions.  Like, how the fuck did you notice us lurking behind your building at four am? And, why did you think it was a good idea to interact with two obviously suspicious looking men? But all that comes out is, “why are you covered in neon paint?”

Spot drops his head in a groan and the guy laughs somewhat maniacally, “best not to ask, it’s a long story.  Well, actually it’s not.  You see, it’s my niece’s birthday tomorrow and she really likes lava lamps so I’m hand making a few for her and that includes painting the bases and she’s going through that quirky eight year old phase where everything rainbows and neon is super cool, so I’m making them neon tie-dye,” he says it all in one breath and Race finds himself struggling to keep up, “anyway, the names Albert.  You two look like you need some help.  Wanna come in?”

The whole situation’s fucking weird, but Race and Spot exchange another look, this one holding the quick debate of, what other options do we got? And a moment later, they’re hustling into the dingy auto shop.

The lights are dim on the inside, but it’s a surprisingly cozy set up.  The side dedicated to cars is immaculately organized, with a few hanging from the ceiling and others lined neatly on the ground, propped up on floor jacks where necessary.  On the other side is clearly where Albert lives, with a couple curtains sanctioning off a twin bed and desk, where sure enough, three lava-lamps, varying in color and size, are set on a few sheets of newspaper.  

Spot frowns as Albert locks the door, turning to them with a smile, “I’m assuming the cop car out there’s for you guys?”  When Race and Spot don’t answer, he continues, too lighthearted for the situation, “Yeah, figured.  Feel free to lay low here ‘til the threat’s passed.”

“If the police are clearly after us, aren’t we the threats?” Spot asks, “Wait, no, hold on, aren’t you gonna ask us what we did?  Aren’t you put off at all?”

Albert waves a hand, “Nah, I do this all the time.  Just don’t try to murder me and we’re good.  You look like nice enough people, just a little down on your luck.  I don’t mind you camping out here while ya need.” He sets off towards his desk, seemingly to finish the lava-lamps, “The door across from the supply closet is technically an office, but I stuck a mattress and some blankets there for people like yourselves.  Feel free to crash.  If the bull comes by, I didn’t see anything.”  With that, he’s gone.  Behind the curtain as if he’d never been there.

Race blinks, bemused, and looks at Spot.

“What the fuck did he mean, ‘I do this all the time’?  Who the fuck is this guy?”

Spot shakes his head, looking more lost than Race has ever seen him, “Hell if I know.”

The office-turned-guest-room turns out to be more spacious than Race had anticipated and he and Spot are sitting on the mattress, munching on granola bars that were placed unceremoniously in a bowl by the door, when they hear a knock from outside.  

Race feels a pit of dread form in his gut and he lowers his granola bar, appetite lost.  It’s the cop, it’s gotta be.  Who else would be knocking before dawn?  And oh god, they’d left the car right out front, how much more obvious can they be?

Race glances at Spot, who’s also stopped eating, and hisses, “If he catches us, run.  Go on without me.” 

He means it, but Spot just huffs out a bitter laugh, “As if.  Now shut up.”

They strain their ears, listening as Albert opens the door, feigning sleep they know he hasn’t gotten in his voice, “Officer.  Is there a problem?”

They can’t hear what the cop says, but Albert’s side of the conversation is fairly clear, “Hm? Oh, the paint?  I was working on a project for my niece and must have dozed off before cleaning up.  Anyway, how can I help you?”  There’s a pause, “Two- what? I haven’t heard anything about no bank robbers, that’s terrible! I- oh, that car, that’s…strange, that wasn’t here when I went to sleep.  Sure, you can check around back, but I doubt ya’d find anything.  I’da heard if someone were moving around out there and I didn’t hear nothing last night.  Yes sir, I- oh?  Nah, I’m afraid I can’t letcha search my shop.  Not without a warrant.  Mm, sorry officer.  Yes, I understand the caliber of the situation, but it is my legal right to deny your entrance to my home without substantial reasoning.  Mhm, but see, that’s a hunch.  I don’t see no warrant.  Okay, officer.  Yes. just around back.  Go ahead.  Alright, officer, okay.  Nice chat.  Goodbye.”

The door closes a second later and Race lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  All at once, the adrenaline of the night hits him.  They’d almost been fucking caught, Christ, what if they’d ended up in jail?  What if they still end up in jail?  He couldn’t survive jail, fuck, he wouldn’t even be able to afford and lawyer and shit-

His body is shaking, vibrating really, and a weight is steadily growing on his chest.  Involuntary tears prick at his eyes and he brings a hand up to the front of his shirt, tugging as if that would release some of the pressure from his lungs.  

“Race?” Spot sounds distant and Race turns to him, knowing he looks panicked, but having no capacity to change that, “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” Race says, voice high and pitchy, “I can’t really breathe, I can’t-”

“Shit, hey, it’s okay.  I think you’re having an anxiety attack,” Spot says, sounding uncharacteristically gentle, “I know a lot happened tonight, but we’re okay,” He places a comforting hand on Race’s shoulder, “Just breathe, it’s okay.”

Race nods, closing his eyes and focusing on Spot’s touch, allowing it to ground him.  A few moments later, he’s feeling calmer, if still a little shaken.  

“You alright?” Spot asks, not removing his hand.

“Yeah, I dunno, man,” Race says honestly, “It’s been a rough ass night and all I want right now is something to drink and someone to cuddle with,” his eyes fly open as soon as the words are out of his mouth.  He hadn’t meant to say that.  He’s not sure why he said that.  It’s not even like he and Spot have that sort of relationship, nor is he particularly seeking that out.  But now that it’s out there, Race wouldn’t say no to some good old physical comfort.

Spot seems to sense that and laughs a little as he removes his hand from where he’s still gripping Race to sling his arm around his shoulders.  It’s a little more intimate than they usually are, but friendly and comfortable nonetheless.  Race takes a deep, shaky breath and rests his head back against the wall, leaning into Spot’s side.

“Yeah, it’s been a fucked up night and I think I’m still deciding whether or not it’s real or just some weird fever dream,” Spot says, “Like, who even is that guy?  What the fuck is his deal?”

“Lord even knows,” Race says, “But I think I got my fill of crazy for a while.”

“Yeah, me too.”

They lapse into silence and Race is just starting to drift off when the door to the office opens and Albert pokes his head in, somehow covered in even more paint than before and holding up a bottle of tequila, “hey guys, I’m here and I’m ready to bitch.  The cop is gone now, though I wouldn’t recommend skipping town just yet- better safe than sorry.  Also, bank robbers, huh?  Haven’t had your kind in a while.  You’re a fun type, though the arson that I met last week was pretty spicy.  Anyway, drinks?  I know it’s early for alcohol, but I get the feeling y’all need it.”

Spot doesn’t even try to lower his voice as he says, “Yeah, I don’t think our fill of crazy is over yet.”

-

don’t ask me what that was about, i genuinely don’t know

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

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[wrestlingisfake]

Full Gear preview

Jon Moxley vs. Eddie Kingston - Moxley is defending the AEW men’s world championship.  (He’s also the IWGP United States champion, but that title is not at stake.)  This is an “I quit” match, so the only rule in effect is that the match cannot end until one participant verbally concedes the match; the other participant thereby wins and will be the champion.

Kingston is an unlikely headliner for such a stacked show.  Despite a long and storied career, he’s mainly known for his work on the indies, and his reputation among wrestlers who hold his work in high regard.  It took him until 2020 to get to this level (when he was on the verge of retiring), and even now that he’s in the majors he’s not a top contender.  Lance Archer “eliminated” him to win a September 5 battle royale for a title shot, but the elimination was a blown call.  Kingston bellyached about the finish until he was granted a title match of his own, which Moxley won by ref stoppage.  Kingston continued to make excuses, and had his “family” beat down Moxley.  At this point, Mox is so pissed at his former friend that he’d probably demand this second title match even if Kingston hadn’t issued the challenge.

A big part of this match is that wrestling fandom has woken up about how great Eddie always was, and there’s a lot of excitement about him possibly disrupting the AEW topcard to score a rich reward for 18 years of hard work.  But to me the real selling point here is that it’s an “I quit” match where I genuinely believe both guys would rather die than say the words.  When WWE does these matches, they usually have a heel give in to cowardice, or a babyface surrender to save a friend in distress, or some screwjob with a tape recorder.  I don’t think any of that stuff is going to happen here.  These guys are going to endure some sick shit just for the sake of pride.

I think Moxley has to win and retain the championship, which means he has to make Kingston verbally quit.  I don’t know what the fuck Mox can do to achieve that condition, but it should be fun/gross finding out.

Kenny Omega vs. Hangman Page - This is the final match in an eight-man elimination tournament to determine the next challenger for the AEW men’s world title.  Page defeated Colt Cabana and Wardlow to get here, while Omega defeated Sonny Kiss and Penta El 0M.

I was gonna run down the whole Hangman Page saga, from the day he lost to Chris Jericho to the day Omega walked out on him.  But then AEW did that “Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone)” video, so now any summary I can provide seems superfluous.  The point here is that Page fell into depression and let his friends down, so Omega broke up their tag team to return to singles competition, and now they’ve managed to cross paths once again.  Is Omega slowly turning heel?  Will he complete that apparent heel turn by mercilessly destroying Page?  Or can they work out their problems in the ring and shake hands when it’s over?  We’ll soon find out.

The smart money is on tonight’s show setting up Jon Moxley vs. Kenny Omega.  However, I don’t think AEW needs to get to that destination right away, so we could potentially see a Page win here to keep the story going.  Expectations are high for this match being very, very good.  Will the story be enough to put it over the top?  I’ve got a good feeling that it will, and that the icing on the cake will be an upset by Page.

Cash Wheeler & Dax Harwood vs. Matt Jackson & Nick Jackson - Wheeler and Cash are FTR, the AEW tag team champions.  Matt and Nick are the Young Bucks, and they earned this title shot by winning a four-way match on October 21.  Matt Jackson has vowed that if the Bucks cannot win this match, they will never again challenge for this championship.

This match has been in the making for years, going back to when Wheeler and Harwood (as Dash Wilder and Scott Dawson, the Revival) emerged as rivals for the Bucks’ status as the top tag team in pro wrestling.  “Fuck The Revival” became a running joke on the Bucks’ Youtube show, right up until Wheeler and Harwood got their releases from WWE in order to come here.  FTR stands for the kind of old-school wrestling that the Bucks thumb their noses at, and FTR’s gimmick is that they bitch just like the kind of old-school wrestling fans who thumb their noses at the Bucks.

The Bucks have been trying to win the tag title since it was first introduced, but they’ve always managed to come up short.  After FTR manipulated Hangman Page into screwing them out of a potential title shot (clearing the way for FTR to win the gold), the Bucks snapped and started trying to regain their edge.  This hasn’t really made a lot of sense, though, because instead of getting more ruthless and intense against their opponents in the ring, they’ve just been behaving like dicks to non-wrestlers backstage.  If their bad attitude had directly led to them getting this match, I think the story might have landed better; as it is, they were selected literally at random to enter the 10/21 four-way, so it didn’t really make any difference.

The stipulation has people buzzing because a) Cody Rhodes had a similar stip a year ago, so we know it’s not a joke, and b) Matt Jackson is working through a knee injury, so it may not make sense for him to win a championship right this minute.  I suppose it’s possible that Matt knows his in-ring days are numbered and this stip is the beginning of the end of his career.  But I think it’s more likely that they just want to set up a scenario where we know the Bucks are behind the 8-ball, to build to more drama when they finally win the belts.  The knock against a Bucks title win is that it’s too soon for FTR to drop the title, but then again I think it would work for the two teams to trade the championship back and forth for a few months.  I’m going with new champs here.

Hikaru Shida vs. Nyla Rose - Shida is defending the AEW women’s world championship, after somebody finally remembered Rose exists.  I’m fine with some major title matches in AEW being thrown together without an epic drama behind them.  But in this case it’s just annoying because everything in the women’s division feels thrown together without much consideration.  I’m guessing Shida retains to keep everything on the same treadmill it’s been on.

Chris Jericho vs. MJF - This is a rare heel vs. heel battle.  If MJF wins, he will be permitted to join Jericho’s stable, the Inner Circle. I was curious what MJF’s next move would be after losing to Jon Moxley on September 5, and this is it.  He’s been angling to get into the group through a series of goofy skits, and he’s assured Jericho that he will do anything to win this match.

The main intrigue here is that the Inner Circle seems divided on whether they even want MJF to join.  Sammy Guevara and Ortiz are so down on MJF that they tried to take him out so he couldn’t get to this match.  Jake Hager and Santana are apparently cool with him, or at least uncommitted.  Jericho acts like he sees MJF as a kindred spirit, but he’s too wily to trust the guy, so his real intentions here are unclear.

The easy way to book this is for MJF to do “anything” by way of convincing some (or all) of Jericho’s lackeys to help him win the match and kick Jericho out of the group.  I think the only fans who aren’t expecting that are the ones who think it’s too obvious.  Of course, any such breakup doesn’t have to be on this show, so everything could be civil here and then the big angle happens in six weeks, or six months.  One way or another, though, we’re going to see how far MJF is willing to go to win, and we’ll be starting the next chapter of the story.  And I really think that chapter has to begin with an MJF victory.

Cody Rhodes vs. Darby Allin - Cody is defending the AEW TNT championship.  This will be their fourth match; Cody currently leads the series 2-0-1.  It feels like they’ve been building up to Darby getting a big win over Cody, and I don’t see the point of going back to this match now unless that win’s finally going to happen.  If Cody retains I think it’ll leave a sour taste in everyone’s mouth, regardless of whether it sets up a Darby win down the road.  So I sure hope Allin wins, because I can’t imagine what else will work in this context.

Matt Hardy vs. Sammy Guevara - This is being billed as “The Elite Deletion,” and I’ve heard it was pre-taped, so I’m guessing it will be a mini-movie kind of match like Undertaker vs. AJ Styles.  Matt Hardy fans will of course recall that he was doing that kind of nonsense before it was cool, going all the way back to 2016′s Final Deletion in TNA and 2018′s Ultimate Deletion in WWE.  (How many deletions can one guy have?)

Everybody knows Hardy and Guevara have had a string of bad luck in their feud, with blowoff matches getting cut short or botched spots leaving Matt injured.  They were supposed to settle things once and for all on September 5, but that turned into a trainwreck so I guess they decided to call a mulligan on that.  The best thing you can say about this match is that, because it’s pre-taped, you can be assured that if anyone got severely hurt it would already be in the news, which makes it easier to watch.

I can’t remember Matt ever losing a mini-movie match, and I don’t think he’ll lose this one either.  Even if I’m not sure how one wins an elite deletion.

Orange Cassidy vs. John Silver - After going 2-1 with Chris Jericho, Cassidy made three unsuccessful attempts to win the TNT title, so he really needs to regain some momentum with a win.  Silver is a prelim guy, so he should be perfect to put Orange over...except there’s a lot of buzz around Silver lately, which is probably what got him booked for this show.  I don’t think Silver can win here, but watch for them to do some stuff to let him look good on his way to doing the job.

Serena Deeb vs. Allysin Kay -  This has been announced for the pre-show.  Deeb is defending the NWA women’s world title, as part of an ongoing collaboration between the NWA and AEW.  What makes this unusual is that Deeb recently signed with AEW, and Kay recently announced her NWA contract has expired, so no matter who wins the belt will be in the hands of an outsider.  I expect this is something of an AEW tryout match for Kay, and if so I doubt she would win here, but I’m rooting for her to do well because the women’s division can use all the help it can get.  I think Deeb retains, although I have no idea what that means for the future of the NWA women’s division.

[ladymercytaylor]

Last Christmas - Joe Mazzello x Reader (Holiday Series!)

Joe used to love Christmas. It was his favourite time of the year; usually spent with his family and friends drinking and eating way too much. But truth be told, he was dreading Christmas this year. Because one very important person was missing from his life. And it was all his fault. The whole sad story began the last year. Well…really 20 years ago, but shit hit the fan last December. You and Joe had met your first day of college. You’d been distracted, trying to fish your phone out of the bottom of your over-filled bag when you’d collided with an equally distracted ginger who’d been attempting to find the right building for his afternoon class. The map and all your books were sent crashing onto the concrete, which was quickly followed by furious apologies from both bruised parties. After embarrassed introductions you’d realised you were both heading to the same Intro to Literature Class and decided to walk there together (Joe was extra relieved as you’d been to that building that morning and he could follow your lead). And you were very kind, only teasing him for 5 minutes about him having been walking away from the Arts building. With a furious blush colouring his cheeks, he checked the map again only to groan loudly when he realised he’d been holding it upside down. And with that, you found your best friend. And that was how it stayed for the next 2 decades. The two of you were utterly inseparable, never going more than 2 days without speaking in-spite of his horrendous schedule. But it was always made easier with your job being an Associate Professor at NYU and your semester breaks were always spent jetting off to wherever Joe was in the world. He was always apologising and offering to pay for your airfare but you constantly refused, saying that you really didn’t mind. 

And that wasn’t a lie – wherever Joe was, that was where you wanted to be. 

Because you were hopelessly, completely and utterly in love with him. It took you an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, but in your final year at USC together you’d seen him hooking up with a girl from his Screenwriting class on the sofa when you came home early from your Shakespeare lecture. You’d immediately ducked back out into the hall, red hot tears stinging your eyes before it clicked in your brain. There wasn’t anything you wouldn’t give to be that girl. But the fear of losing your best friend had you locking those feelings away in the deepest, darkest corner of your heart, concealing it from the world – and most particularly Joe. Of course a few people figured it out over the years; your mum, your siblings and your best friend Kate. But they were kind enough to keep it to themselves. Because to them, Joe was the dumbest man alive for not seeing what was right under his nose all along.

It was Christmas 2018 when everything changed. Joe was home for the holidays for the first time in three years and he was celebrating with a blow-out party at his Brooklyn apartment. Every one of his friends was invited; his other actor friends, college mates and of course his best friends from Bohemian Rhapsody. You’d been so relieved when you’d got the invitation 2 weeks ago. There was something you’d been desperate to tell your best friend – but it was definitely an ‘in person’ revelation and you’d been pre-occupied visiting your extended family before the holiday season kicked off. 

So. There you were. Standing by the large living room windows of Joe’s apartment with a glass of champagne clutched tightly in your hand as you watched the thick flakes of snow drift down to the power-covered street below. “What’s got you looking so thoughtful over here?” a deep voice asked from over your shoulder. Looking into the dark glass you could see a familiar mop of blonde curls and turned to smile at Ben. There was an unlit cigarette dangling loosely between his lips and he was rugged up in his coat, scarf and beanie. Obviously about to head outside to abide by Joe’s ‘no smoking in the apartment’ rule. “I’m trying to work up the courage to tell Joe” you murmured. Ben immediately gave you a sympathetic nod, taking the cigarette from between his lips to fiddle with it aimlessly. “God, I don’t even know how you’re going to do that” “Me neither,” you sighed, “but it has to be done” “Good luck” he said with a half-hearted smile. “I’d do it now if I were you. If he plays another round of beer pong you can tell him but he’ll forget by morning” A loud chorus of cheers punched through the music; Joe’s team had evidently just won the game as you could distinctly hear him calling Sebastian “a little bitch”. “Go before you lose your nerve” were Ben’s parting words of wisdom before opening the window and climbing out onto the snowy fire escape. You took a steadying breath, willing the fingers clutching your glass to stop shaking. Before you could change your mind you crossed the small living room, downing the rest of your drink as you went. “Joe, I need to talk to you” your voice barely carried over Mariah Carey’s ‘Santa Baby’ that was pouring out of the speakers – but your best friend still heard you. When he turned you could see the slight redness discolouring his hazel eyes, but he was still relatively conscious so you’d have to settle for that. “Excuse me, gentlemen” Joe announced to his friends, who all gave him varying heckles in response, “but my petal needs me” Normally that nickname would have turned you into a giggling mess, but that night it shot a white hot stab of guilt through your chest. Joe pulled you into the deserted hallway, the crooning of Mariah deadened slightly. “What’s up, petal? This better be important to interrupt such a stellar beer pong tournament” he teased, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his dark jeans. “I…I” you stammered, heat rising in your cheeks. God this was so hard. Joe raised his eyebrows in a silent ‘go on’ gesture and the words spilt out of your mouth. “I got a job offer” “That’s great!” he grinned after a slightly stunned silence. “Don’t know why that was so-” “At the University of St Andrews” you finished. Joe paused, his arms half raised to give you a celebratory hug. “As in-” “The UK. Yeah” The Christmas carols and excited cries of Joe’s friends fell away, leaving you and your best friend for more than half of your life in silence. “Have you accepted it?” he asked after a while, confusion knitting his eyebrows together. You shook your head, your gaze falling to the toes of your black boots. “Do…do you want to go?” “I think so” was your meek reply. A soft scoff escaped Joe’s lips which had your head snapping up. “What?” “I’m sorry, petal, but I just don’t buy it” he shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest before leaning against the corridor wall. “Your whole life is here. Why would you want to leave that?” “My ‘whole life’?” you questioned, years of resentment suddenly boiling like magma inside your stomach. “My family isn’t here. Kate isn’t here – she’s in Scotland. The only things I have in New York are my job and you” “Then stay for me” he grinned, but there was something akin to fear clouding his eyes. “I can’t do that, Joe. Not anymore” you sighed, the decades of unrequited love crushing down on your shoulders. “I can’t spend the rest of my life following after you with the sadistic hope that one day you’ll finally see how goddamned in love with you I am” There it was. The dirty little secret that had been weighing on your heart for 20 years. Fear gripped every cell of your body, freezing you to the carpet. You waited for him to laugh. Or yell. Or just do anything other than stare at you. What felt like a decade passed, the only sounds were the thundering of your heart and the muffled sounds of Joe’s guests, who were completely unaware of your heart wrenching confession. “I should go” you managed to whisper through your aching throat. You turned to walk away but Joe’s hand shot out, wrapping tightly around your wrist. “Joe” the name was barely a whimper but it was all you could get out before Joe pulled you towards him, crushing his lips against yours. You responded immediately, wrapping your arms around his neck. His lips were everything you’d ever thought they’d be, warm and soft and felt like home.  “What about the party?” you asked, reluctantly pulling back but resting your forehead against his. “Fuck the party” he whispered, his breath hot against your lips. “Stay. With me” You weren’t sure if he was talking about the job or you current situation, but you didn’t think too hard on it, allowing him to pull you into his bedroom, every other person in the apartment already forgotten.

You slowly blinked awake, roused by the cold winter light streaming in passed the open curtains. Snuggling back into your pillow you stretched out your arm, expecting to find Joe’s warm body next to you. But instead your hand wrapped around a sheet of paper.

Petal, Had to go, early meeting. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. Call you later. - Joe

The butterflied that had erupted when you remembered the events of last night faded slightly. Who had an early meeting on a Sunday? As you re-dressed in your sequinned party outfit you told yourself that this was normal. Joe’s schedule had always been strange, and your best friend was constantly complaining that there was no such thing as “weekends” in the entertainment industry. So when you stepped out onto the frigid Brooklyn sidewalk in last night’s outfit you were convinced that you’d hear from Joe that night. Except that you didn’t. Or the night after. Or the night after that. 

It was 3 days before Christmas when Joe finally surfaced. And it wasn’t even with a phone call. You were sitting with Ben and Gwil in their hotel suite, waiting for the two of them to finish preening so you could all head out for dinner before the two would return to London the next day. “Which glasses?” Gwilym asked, holding out two pairs. “Clear and square or black and round?” “Clear. Can see your eyes better” you answered immediately. The brunette grinned as Ben chuckled, sliding the plastic frames onto his nose. “So, tell us again how you scored that job?” Ben requested from his place in front of the mirror as he artfully applied gel to his blonde curls. “The school year went back in September” “All I know is that one of the professors got a little too friendly with a first year student. They thought it best to avoid the scandal and get someone in to take over. The press would have had a field day if he kept teaching” “I have to say - there is something kind of hot about the whole ‘Professor-Student’ dynamic” Gwil admitted, flopping down next to you on the end of his bed. “What exactly did you get up to at uni, Mr Lee?” you teased gently, but a full on belly laugh followed when he turned a violent shade of pink. “You know, I don’t think I want the answer to that” “Here here!” Ben agreed, his green eyes still fixed on his reflection. “so…after last night” he started, his eyes flickering to you in the mirror, “I’m guessing you’re not accepting the job?” “Still waiting for some more information” you murmured, your eyes falling to your fingers. “But…no. I think I’m staying” Both Ben and Gwilym watched a secretive smile twist your lips and they shared an excited glance. “So….anything happen last night you want to tell us about?” “I don’t kiss and tell, boys” “Ooooh!” they chorused. You let out an embarrassed laugh, your hands flying to cover your burning face. “Get it gurl” Ben chirped. All you could do was laugh louder and lean forward to bury your face in the comforter. “Stop teasing her and get ready, Benjamin” Gwil commanded, pointing to Ben’s lack of pants. “We’ll miss dinner at this rate” “Yes, Mr Lee” the blonde drawled as he turned back to the mirror. After a few minutes Ben finally moved away from his reflection, instead relocating to his suitcase where he began to stare at his pant options. “Typical” Gwilym chuckled, pulling his phone out of his pocket. You followed suit, clicking on your Instagram app and scrolling through the latest photos. There was one of Kate, clearly dressed up to go on a date, another one of your cousin at her friend’s baby shower. But there was one that stopped you cold. You’d always meant to delete her. As soon as you’d found out Claire cheated on Joe she’d been persona non grata in your life and you’d thought it had been the same for your best friend. But the photo that glared back at you screamed the exact opposite. Claire had her arms wrapped so tightly around Joe’s middle it looked like she was trying to snap his spine, a ridiculous grin on her stupid face. The simple caption read “Finally got the one that got away! Best Christmas ever!” Ben’s question of the name of the restaurant you were going to fell on deaf ears and when the boys noticed your lack of reply they tip toed over to peek at the screen from over your shoulder. Both gasped quietly but you couldn’t tear your eyes off that fucking photo. “Is that the girl that –” Ben started but you cut him off. “Yep” “With his-” Gwil added and you nodded quickly. “Yep” “On his-” Ben continued. “Yep” you replied. “Jesus Christ” Gwilym muttered, still staring at the image on your phone screen. “I love Joe, but what a twat” “I’ve – I’ve got to make a call” you murmured robotically, standing up from the bed and heading out onto the balcony without a backwards glance. It was for the best that you didn’t turn around really, as you would have seen Ben mouth ‘Fuck’ to his best friend. Joe picked up after three rings, hesitation clear in his voice. “Hey, Petal” he managed to get out before you jumped down his throat. “Are you fucking joking, Joe? Claire?! Have you had a stroke I didn’t know about?” “I can explain –” he tried again but you were faster. “This is what you do after I tell you I love you? Sleep with me and then go running back to your scumbag ex?” you shouted. “I got scared” his meek reply sent your blood boiling. “Scared? You got scared? Try telling your best friend that you love them and then you’ll know what scared really feels like” you spat, your hand clenching so hard on the balcony railing that your knuckles popped. “Petal, don’t be like that” he groaned but all you did was scoff. “You know what? Fuck you, Joe” you hissed before smashing your thumb against the end call icon. You stayed on the balcony for a few moments, desperately trying to slow your racing heart and will down the tears that were stinging your eyes. With anger still flickering inside your chest you pulled up your email and began typing furiously.

That was the last time Joe heard your voice. He tried to visit you the next day, but you refused to open the door and he left dejected and cold. He tried again a week later after nearly a hundred unanswered voicemails but there was no response. He did see someone though, your neighbour Mrs Brookes. Who promptly informed him that you’d packed all your things and sublet the apartment – disappearing with only a rapid goodbye. He wasn’t surprised you left. He’d been expecting it really, after the way he treated you. But that didn’t stop it from breaking his heart. There were no words for how much Joe regretted what he did to you, and he knew better than to try and contact you again. Moving halfway around the world to get away from him sent a pretty clear message. But the regret never stopped eating away at his insides. And that was how he found himself standing on a snow covered London street on Christmas Eve. Normally the holidays were spent with his family, but Ben had recently been devastated by another bad breakup and had begged his former co-star to spend Christmas with him in his now empty apartment. Joe jumped at the chance, immediately booking himself a flight. He told himself that he was only doing it to help out a friend, but a niggling voice in the back of his mind kept whispering your name. The frigid cold bit at Joe’s exposed face and hands, the latter of which he quickly stuffed into the pockets of his black coat. Looking around at the deserted street, he watched the fluffy flakes of snow glide softly down onto the snow covered footpath as a melancholy sky escaped his lips. He’d been in London for 4 days and still hadn’t managed to work up the courage to try and contact you. He wasn’t even sure your phone number was still the same, he’d been too scared to text you. “Come on, Ben” he groaned quietly to himself, shuffling his powder covered feet. How long did it take to buy 2 bottles of Scotch? A loud laugh echoed down the street, freezing Joe to the spot. He knew that laugh. He’d spent 20 years with that laugh. It was hard to see through the curtain of snow steadily falling from the dark sky, but a few blocks down he could make out two figures walking towards him. One shorter in a bright red coat and the other much taller, dressed in navy. The man swore his heart stopped beating as he recognised the radiant smile on your face, but it immediately clenched when he realised who was making you grin. Gwilym’s mitten covered hand was holding gripping onto yours as he swung your entwined hands between you. More giggles pealed from your lips, each one like a knife through Joe’s chest. It wasn’t meant to go this way. This wasn’t meant to happen. “Oh, hi Joe” Gwilym stammered when the couple realised who they were walking towards. Joe smiled tightly at his friend before daring to peek at you. You were regarding him with a stone-cold face, all the light in your eyes that had been there only moments before now extinguished. “Funny running into you here” “Only bottle shop open near Ben’s place” Joe shrugged, his stomach twisting into knots. Tension so thick it was practically as solid as the surrounding snowflakes settled over you. “I might just go in and grab the wine. Be out in a bit, love” Gwilym offered, trying (and failing) to keep his tone light. Joe couldn’t help but scowl as he pressed a quick kiss to the top of your head before ducking into the shop. “What are you doing here, Joe?” you asked, folding your arms tightly over your chest. “I came to spend the holidays with Ben. He’s not doing so great” your former best friend replied stiffly as he took in everything that had changed in the last year. Your hair was longer and a small gold charm he didn’t recognise was peeking out from the collar of your coat. His hands clenched when he realised it was probably a gift from Gwilym. “Ah, Emily” you nodded, kicking the snow gently with the toe of your boot. “And what are you doing here exactly? Shouldn’t you be in Scotland?” he asked, his words far more biting than he intended. “I’m spending the holidays with Gwilym” you replied stiffly, not raising your eyes from the footpath. “Meeting his family” you added quietly. “When exactly did this charming development occur?” Joe barked, anger flashing in his hazel eyes. “A couple of weeks after I moved, if it’s any of your business” you snapped back. Joe watched your eyes narrow dangerously. He knew better than to push you but he was so upset he just couldn’t help himself. “If you’re screwing one of my best friends I think it is my business” he shot back, his hands clenching so tightly in his pockets that his nails bit into his palms. “I’m not just screwing him, Joe!” you exclaimed, anger prickling up the back of your neck. “But I shouldn’t be surprised that you thought that. Sex is the only thing you want from someone, right?” Joe swallowed hard. He should have expected that. He deserved it really, but hearing it from you made it so much worse. It was as if all of the pain he’d caused you suddenly washed through his own body. “So…you love him?” the man in front of you asked after an awkward pause. You nodded. “Yes” “Petal, I’m –” “I don’t want to hear it” you interjected, the back of your eyes prickling uncomfortably. “You don’t deserve to apologise for what you did. You don’t deserve me, Joe” you murmured, the streetlight shining in the tears that were welling up in your eyes. A lead weight dropped into his stomach but he shook his head. “No, I don’t” he admitted and you watched the apple of his throat bob rapidly. He opened his mouth to continue but he was interrupted by the soft tinkling of the bottle shop’s bell as Ben and Gwilym stepped out onto the street each clutching a dark bottle. “(Y/N)!” Ben cried with far too much enthusiasm as he crunched through the snow to wrap you up in a tight hug. “What an unexpected surprise” “I’ll say” Joe muttered to himself, but a reproachful look from Gwilym had him shutting up with an embarrassed blush sweeping up his neck. “Are you coming to mine on Saturday?” Ben asked, his green eyes shining with excitement. “No, sorry Benny” you winced, “Kate’s down here visiting her girlfriend and they invited me over. It’s the first time I’m meeting Amira so I really couldn’t say no” “Alright” he conceded with a playful sigh. “But I want your word that you’ll visit before you head back up to Scotland” “Promise” you vowed, smiling weakly. “We better go, darling. We can’t keep your parents waiting” “Right you are, love” Gwilym replied, obviously eager for an excuse to leave. “I’ll see you boys later” “Behave!” Ben called out as the couple walked away, tucking the brown bottle under his arm to wave excitedly. Gwilym returned it with equal joy, but you could only manage a small half wave, your eyes still fixed on Joe. “Bye, petal” was his whispered reply as he watched you turn and walk away, hand in hand with your new love. And in that moment, Joe made a promise to himself. That as soon as you and Gwilym broke up he’d be there. To tell you what an idiot he’d been. That he’d loved you for longer than he wanted to admit but he was terrified of loosing you. That he’d do anything to have you back in his life. But he never got the chance. When he saw you again there was a glittering ring on your left hand and he realised he’d have to live with his mistake. Because really, it was all his fault. He’d ignored what was under his nose all along.

[kayteewritessteve]

If Only You Knew - 3/19

Description: You arrive home one day to find a wedding invite for two of your best friends from high school. You knew this day was going to come eventually, but even with that said, you weren’t prepared to return home. At least not after 7 years of avoiding Buckhannon, West Virginia. Or rather, avoiding him; your ex-best friend and the secret love of your life. But maybe it was finally time to face your past, to face him, and everything else that happened on that horrible night. Who would have knew that your prom would end up being a total disaster, and the very last night you’d spend in Buckhannon for the next 7 years? you certainly didn’t. That’s for sure.

Catch up HERE.

Word Count: 4,240 ish.

Pairing: Modern!Steve Rogers x Reader.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Violence. Drinking. Bad and slightly offensive jokes. Possible triggering thoughts, feelings and emotions. Moments of bullying and harsh name calling. Lots of curse words. And a very sloooow burn.

A/N: I sadly don’t own any of these characters. And no beta reader, so I do proudly own all the errors and this story, so there’s that.

So, Scott Lang is the readers dad, however his lastname is whatever you choose. It’s a little confusing, but just go with it! Hahaha. Enjoy!

July 2018 - Present.

You breathed in the cold artificial air, causing your nose to tingling and itch. You were currently crammed into the middle seat of row 19, on an Airbus A321 heading for Morgantown, West Virgin. As Buckhannon didn’t have an airport of it’s own, and taking an 11 hour bus ride back home, sounded like total hell. The first time travelling that way had sucked enough, making the hour and 40 minute flight seem like a way better option.

As the plane took off your nerves started to slowly climb as well, just about as fast, and at the same rate, as the plane. Over the last 6 months your anxiety had slowly began to rise with every passing week, with every passing day, that you got closer and closer to your flight home.

By the time you reached a week away from your travel date, you were a fucking mess. You had tried to reason that if you just didn’t go, no one would be mad at you. Or maybe they wouldn’t be if you just cancelled your RSVP. People did that all the time, right? …Right!? Things could always come up that would prevent people from attending—That was totally a thing that could happened.

So at that point, you had called the one person you always called for advice now, your dad. You figured he’d say it was okay to bail, and that you shouldn’t feel bad about it—Though clearly that hadn’t fucking happened. No, your plan had obviously backfired in your face, as you were currently sitting on a fucking plane, heading home.

That call had gone the polar opposite of how you’d hoped it would. It was basically just an hour if him calling you out for being both irrational and a drama queen. He was totally playful about it, but serious at the same time. He couldn’t really understand why you never wanted to visit Buckhannon. In his defence you have never broken the North Korea pact, so he didn’t actually know the truth behind why you had fled town that day. But still, he had given you the riot act and said if you didn’t put your butt on that plane, then he’d be forced to tell Nat exactly why you’d bailed on her wedding. That threat alone was enough to get your ass to the airport, and fucking early at that.

Throughout the years you’d always make your dad come visit you. Usually sometime in the summer and again at Christmas, as you refused to step one foot in that stupid town. You’d both fight about it but he would always cave and drive up to see you. He had always kept his word about not bringing up or asking about that night, even though you knew it bothered him. But you were thankful that he honoured the pact. Or rather, you were just thankful in general for the fact that you had a dad like him. He had always been there for you, he had always done everything he could to make you happy. To give you the best life he could. It was just to two of you now, and had been for a long, long time. When she died, you were all each other had left, and you both clung to that with all that you had…

July 2009 - 9 years ago.

You’d been driving for just over 4 hours, your butt was asleep and you had to pee like a race horse. But the drive from Cleveland was beautiful, you spent most of it silently staring out the window, ignoring your dads ridiculous need to belt out the words to every indie rock song that came on the radio. He was such a dweeb.

It’d been just over a year and a half since your mom passed, from cancer. And two years since that horrible day when the doctor sat you all down, and gave you the news...

She had been your best friend, and when she got the diagnoses it crushed all three of you. She was stage 4 and only given 6 months, at most, to live.

You all spent those final 5 ½ months together, building memories and cherishing the little time you had left. You thought those 5 ½ months would be the hardest months of your life, but you quickly learned they’d paled in comparison to what was to come.

No matter how hard it was to watch her slowly wither away, uncomfortable and frail. It was a thousand times harder to not have her around at all. To not be able to sit in her room and brush her hair while you told her all about your day. Near the end she found even talking to be exhausting, so your conversations ended up being pretty much one sided. But she told you she loved that. Just hearing your voice made all her troubles drift away, if only for a moment. So you’d talk, and talk, and talk. You’d go on for hours, not allowing yourself to think about what you’d do when she was gone. Though deep down you knew that the reason you did talk so much was because you knew one day, soon, you wouldn’t be able to talk to her anymore. So you had to get it all out now. While you could.

When she did pass away, it was in her bed, in your family home. That was her final wish. She didn’t want to die in some cold and unfamiliar hospital bed, surrounded by strangers. No, instead she wanted to go in her home, in her bed, the same one that held all her memories. The memories involving the three of you from throughout the years. The ones of bringing you home as a newborn and co-sleeping with you for months. The ones of being woken up because you’d peed the bed or had a nightmare. The ones of family cuddles, when one of you had had a bad day. The ones of lazy Sunday’s spend snuggling in bed watching movies. And all the memories in between.

You’d begged God every night for months to bring her back, to return her to you, though your pleads all went unanswered. They all went unfulfilled. Yet, you still tried each night.

Your father and you had always been close, but after she died you both took on a whole new relationship. You were all each other had left now, and you vowed to cherish the time you did. Much more than you ever did before. You held each other through the worst days, and laughed with each other through the best.

And after a while the pain turned to a numb feeling, then slowly drifted away—Or maybe you just got used to it?—You’d felt guilty at first, when it had, because you felt like you were forgetting her. Like you’d left her behind. But your dad told you that you were allowed to feel better, allowed to continue on and that it didn’t mean you didn’t love her just as much, or miss her any less. It just meant you knew she was up there, always watching, even if you didn’t always think about it. And that she would want you to continue on with your life, and make her proud while you did it.

After a year of living in the house she died in, you both couldn’t really handle it anymore. It was supposed to be nice to look around and remember little moments in time. Or memories of her. But after a while it just made things harder. You and your dad started to argue more, and your grades started to slip in school. You were spiralling, and fast. It was then that your dad had an idea, he’d received the life insurance from your mom's death and had tucked it away for safekeeping. Or a rainy day.

He sat you down one night and told you of his plans. There was a small mechanics shop up for sale in a little town called Buckhannon, in West Virginia. Your dad was a mechanic by trade, and his dream was to one day own his own shop. He told you how he wanted to put an offer in on it, then you both would purchase a house, move down there and start from scratch. Building new memories, and giving you both a chance to just breathe. To heal.

You were reluctant at first, not exactly ready to leave your childhood home behind, but he then told you he wouldn’t need to sell the house. You’d keep it and just purchase a new one in Buckhannon. That sealed the deal for you. You agreed instantly, and your dad called his realtor that night, he put in an offer on the shop. A few days of endless online home searching later, and he put an offer in on a beautiful 2 story, 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom detached home.

You received word back within week, that both offers had been accepted, and you’d take possession of both properties in 5 months time. One right after the other, with about a week in between possession dates...

So 6 short months later, here you were, driving just over 4 hours away to the small town of Buckhannon, at the end of June. You both had figured it would be best to let you finish out your grade 10 school year, then move down at the beginning of summer break. That way you had 2 months to settle in, get used to the town, and for your dad to be able to focus on the shop for the first little bit, plus he’d have your help if he needed it.

You pulled up in front of the white two story house, and just stared at it for a few moments. This was it, your new home. The one where you’d live out the rest of your teenage years in.

“You ready, Kiddo?” You heard your dad ask from behind you.

You nodded, “I think so.”

Then you both climbed out of the car, ready to unload, unpack and start fresh.

July 2018 - Present.

You heard the ‘fasten your seatbelts’ ding echo through the large plane cabin, followed by the prepare to land message, signalling that you were nearing your destination. You hadn’t even moved from your seat the whole flight, so your seatbelt was currently still done up. Making you one step ahead, already.

20 minutes later the plane touched down and you took a deep breath as you exited it and made your way towards the arrivals gate. You rounded the final corner and your eyes scanned all the waiting people, till they landed on a familiar figure, standing off to the side. Dad. You both noticed each other at about the same time and you ran towards him. You hadn’t seen him since Christmas, and 6 months without him was just far too long. In your mind.

“Hey Kiddo,” he said as he released you from the hug, “How was your flight?”

“It was okay. Short,” you shrugged, “How are you?”

“Happy to have my little girl home,” He smiled then you both headed to grab your checked bags.

“Not so little anymore,” you corrected and you both laughed.

“You’ll always be little to me,” he smiled, and the sight made you a little happier to be home. The nerves began to dissipate with every passing second that you spent in the company of your best friend, your hero, your dad.

The bags arrived shortly after you reach the carousel, and then you both headed back out to the truck, throwing your bags in the back and began the hour long drive back to Buckhannon. You chatted for the first little while, but then one of your dad's favourite songs came on the radio. Though, it seemed like every song was his ‘favourite song ever’. You laughed at his excitement, and stared out the window as he belted out every word. He was always such a dweeb—No seriously, he was, and it was fucking embarrassing to say the least…

July 2009 - 9 years ago.

You had been in the new house for about a week now, your room was your first priority, so you had unpacked it entirely within the first 2 days. Then you moved to the other rooms in the house and started to unpack them, alongside your dad, one by one.

You were making your way through the living room, which was located at the front of the house, while your dad was working his way through the kitchen, at the back of the house. You were in the zone and had managed to get through all the boxes in no time flat, but then you heard a knock at the door.

You pulled the one earbud from your ear, having left the other one out, just in case your dad called to you for help. And it was lucky for whoever was at the door that you had.

“I’ll get it!” You yelled, though you figured there wasn’t really a point. Your dad probably had no clue there was even a knock on the door, as he had his phone playing loud music in the kitchen while he unpacked.

You rolled your eyes, then made your way to the front door, looking through the peephole and seeing 2 woman standing on the front porch. Or rather, a woman and a girl; probably about your age.

You opened the door, “Hello?”

The older woman, who had clearly been checking out the house, quickly whipped her head around to face you. “Oh, hello dear,” she abruptly said and her daughter sighed then rolled her eyes. You had to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing. “I’m Polina Maximoff and this is my daughter, Wanda,” she gestured to the girl, “We are with the Buckhannon Welcome Wagon—“

The girl—Wanda, as Mrs. Maximoff had said, cut her mom off, “I’m not.” She waved awkwardly then frowned slightly, “…With the welcome wagon, I mean.”

“Oh Wanda, shush,” her mom glared at her for a second then turned back to you. “Uh, is there a parent home?” She asked hesitantly as she looked passed you into the house.

You stared at her for a second before speaking, “Ah, yeah, hang on.”

She nodded then you turned around, shutting the door slightly so she couldn’t peer into the house before walking to the kitchen, picking up your dads phone off the island counter and pausing the current song that was blasting from the speaker.

“Hey!” He spun around to face you. “What gives, party pooper?”

You blankly stared at him for a second, furrowing your brows, “Really? Party pooper?” You asked incredulously without thinking, then quickly shook your head. “You know what? Not important,” You waved your hand dismissively. “But fyi, if the people at the door had been kidnappers, they’d have taken me and you wouldn’t even have known I was gone.” You crossed your arms and levelled a disapproving glare at him.

“There’s people at the door?” He asked.

You rolled your eyes again, “Uh, yeah. My point exactly.”

“Well, come on then, it’s rude to keep them waiting.” He walked around the island and slung an arm over your shoulders, then you both walked to the front door.

He flung it open to reveal the 2 ladies again, startling Mrs. Maximoff in the process, “Hello ladies, I hear you both aren’t kidnappers. That’s good,” he nodded, “kidnapping is bad.” He dramatically frowned down at you, and you just stood there, gaping at him like a deer in the headlights. This fucking man, I tell ya.

“Ah,” Mrs. Maximoff dragged out the word awkwardly, then clearly decided just to ignore your dads stupid fucking comment, and thrusted her hand out for him to shake. Repeating what she had told you earlier, “I’m Polina Maximoff, and this is my daughter, Wanda.”

He shook her hand, “Nice to meet you both. I’m Scott Y/L/N, though most people just call me Dad,” he smirked down at you this time.

“Ignore him,” you glared up at him then turned to sweetly smile at the Maximoff’s, “He is socially inept.”

Mrs. Maximoff looked taken aback for a second then quickly corrected it and smiled politely at your dad.

It was his turn to gap at you now, then he looked at Mrs. Maximoff. Spluttering for a seconds before finally saying, “I am not socially inept,” he shook his head, then quickly added, “not that there's anything wrong with being socially inept, I just personally am not.”

But judging by the look on her face, she didn’t believe a word he was saying—Though, he had started the first ever interaction with her, congratulating them on not being kidnappers, so this one was entirely on him. “I didn’t even know she knew what that was,” he glared down at you in warning, so you just winked back at him.

“Of course I know what it is, silly,” you playfully swatted his arm, then smiled and turned back to Mrs. Maximoff, “So, you were saying you’re with the Welcome Wagon, was it?”

“I am not socially inept,” you’re dad corrected again, but you just looked up at him and shushed him.

“Daddy, why don’t you go back to unpacking the kitchen, I’ll handle this, okay?” You said sweetly then spun him around and pushed him towards the kitchen.

Wanda leaned in and whispered, “What’s it like living with him?” She jutted her chin towards him as she spoke. Though the gleam in her eyes told you that she knew he wasn’t actually socially inept, and was asking more how it was to live with an awkward and sometimes embarrassing father.

Mrs. Maximoff’s mouth damn near hit the floor, “Wanda Maximoff!” She hissed.

“It’s okay Mrs. Maximoff, it’s not so bad, there are good days and there are bad days,” you replied and shrugged, once again biting the inside of your cheek to stop from bursting out laughing.

“I heard that! And I am not socially inept!” Your dad yelled over his shoulder as he continued to the kitchen.

“He’s just in denial,” you whispered. “So, you have a wagon for us?”

Mrs. Maximoff told you all about the town, and it—wasn’t a wagon, but she did give you a small basket filled with different local flyers, coupons and passes to things around town. There were a mix of free samples, random odds and ends, and a big box of cookies. You took it all and put them on the entryway table. Mrs. Maximoff told you she baked the cookies and that they were her personal ‘Welcome to town’ gift.

But then her phone rang and she excused herself for a moment. Leaving just you and Wanda. You both chatted and she invited you to come hang out with her and her friends. You ended up spending the whole summer with them. Wanda, Nat, Brunnhilde, Clint, Sam and Bucky.

After a few weeks you started to notice that every one of their stories involved some guy named Steve, you asked who he was and why you hadn’t met him yet. They then told you that Steve’s dad basically owned the town of Buckhannon, they were super wealthy, his dad owning a massive corporation or something along those lines. And that every year they spend the whole summer travelling as a family. You responded with ‘must be nice to be rich.’ And they all laughed and agreed. Though Nat and Clint also came from wealthy backgrounds, the former having a trust fund and looking to receive the whole fortune on her 21st birthday. But it wouldn’t be until the very first day of 11th grade that you’d finally come face to face with the infamous Steven Grant Rogers Stark…

July 2018 - Present.

The truck pulled up in front of your dads house. Which looked exactly as you remembered, yet also totally different at the same time. Possibly because you were seeing it through adult eyes now. What once was your sanctuary from the bad times, was now your reminder of completely different ones. You just stared up at it for a few seconds, taking it all in and vowing to not allow the house to be tarnished by one bad memory, by one bad night, when it held so many other wonderful memories. Ones of sleepovers, movie nights, fires in the backyard and lounging on the porch in the summer.

“Nice to be home?” He asked from behind you.

You nodded, “yeah, you know what, it actually is.” You smiled then opened the door and climbed out of the truck, your dad did the same then you both grabbed your bags from the back.

“And to think you doubted if you should come home or not,” he jokingly scoffed, as you walked up the pathway to the stairs.

“The week’s still young, old man,” you sassed back as you reached the stairs ahead of him.

“Hey!” He yelled, “who you calling an old man?” He added then quickly went to run up the stairs ahead of you. “An old man couldn’t do this!” He pointed out as he passed you, and it would have sounded half way believable if he hadn’t also punctuated that statement by tripping on the last step and nearly falling flat on his face.

You burst out laughing, “Careful, old man, you might break a hip!” Then you sprinted passed him into the house, and up the inside stairs, not giving him a chance to retaliate. But you didn’t miss him yelling, “You’ll pay for that comment, Kiddo!” at you as you fled to your room, laughing the whole way there.

You entered your teenage bedroom, and it looked pretty much exactly how you’d left it that day, minus all the personal items your dad had packed up and brought you before college. You took it all in, all the posters, the colourful painted furniture and decor. Your eyes drifted to a bulletin board on the wall above your desk, it was covered in photos and random trinkets from your high school days. You untacked one of the photos, pulling it off and bringing it closer to look at it. It was a picture of Steve and you at the lake, the day before he left on his annual summer long family vacation.

It was that summer that you finally realized just how much you loved him. Or rather, you always knew you did, but that summer you really came to terms with just how much you actually did love him. Going those two months without him were rough, you holed up in your room for days, crying and watching sappy romance movies while eating way to much junk food. You’d told your friends you were ‘just sick’, but they stopped believing that excuse after about a week and they all showed up to force you out of your bed. They asked you why you were hiding out but you told them it was that time of the month, and you were just too embarrassed to tell them about it. And even though you knew the girls didn’t believe you, they had all left it alone. Like you knew they would. You vowed that day to never tell a soul about your crush, not even your best friends. And especially not Steve. You’d instead bury the feelings down deep, and pretend like they didn’t existed. Like you weren’t head over heels in love for your best friend. Like him being gone for 2 months hadn’t devastated you, entirely.

You tacked to photo back to the board then started to unpacked your one bag, giving a bit of time before you went down to retrieve the other. Knowing full well your dad would have some form of revenge waiting for you when you did.

As if by a miracle, your phone pinged on the bed. You picked it up to a text from Wanda, ‘Hey stranger, you home now? Is it time for the Welcome Wagon to arrive?’

You laughed and quickly typed back, ‘Probably not the best time, the old man is out for revenge right now. Where are you? I’ll come to you!’

It pinged again, ‘Uh oh, what did you do now? and we are at Nat’s house, come on by!’

You stared at your phone for a few seconds then typed, ‘Made fun of his age again. He’ll live. But who’s all there?’

*ping* ‘Steve isn’t here, since we both know that was your actual question.’

You awkwardly laughed and shook your head. Girl knew you too fucking well, it was almost like she could read your mind. It was a problem. ‘It was not! And okay, on my way!’

*ping* ‘You always sucked at lying, even over text.”

You rolled your eyes then quickly and quietly made your way downstairs, you still remembered exactly where to step so the stairs wouldn’t creak. Countless nights of sneaking out to meet your friends had made you a damn ninja. At least where getting out of this house quietly was concerned.

Once you made it to the front door, you grabbed the truck keys off the wall hook in the hall, and quietly opened the door then yelled, “Going to Nat’s! Bye!” As you slammed the door shut and ran to the truck, hopping in, starting the engine and backing out if the driveway before your dad could stop you. Like you’d willingly let him get revenge on you that easily. You laughed to yourself.

Then your phone pinged a few minutes later, and even though you knew it was bad to touch your phone while driving, you picked it up anyways and quickly read the message. It was from your dad, ‘This isn’t over youngin!!’

You burst out laughing, which abruptly caught in your throat the second you saw the flashing red and blue lights in the rear view mirror. Fuck! You’re dad was never going to let you touch the damn truck again if you got a ticket for texting and driving. Or rather, a ‘distracted driving ticket’ as they labelled it.

You put the phone down then immediately pulled over to the side of the road, praying it was maybe someone you knew, so that you could possibly talk your way out of the ticket.

It was your first day back in 7 years, after all! Who gives someone a ticket on a day as pivotal and significant as this?! No one, that’s who!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

@hopefulmoonobject @harlequinash @itsstillnotwhatyouthink @tessvillegas @boxofteenageideas @wangdeasang @giggleberts @casuallydarktiger @theonelittleone @agentbadbitch @ratwrites @starrystellars @bandsandanimefreak @rockyroadthepastryarchy @lovvliies @cuffski @icesoccerer @alwaysright4 @lilsthethrills @imdiegohargreeves @zombiepotterfour @mu-mu-rs @ledandan1244 @straightforwardly

[vanaera]

For the Fanfiction Writer Asks ask meme!!! Because I still have lots to know about one of my favorite writers!! 1, 8, 17, 21, 22, 29, 33, and 47 (Angst Queen)! It's a lot but feel free to choose just the ones you want to!!

Omygod, thank you so much, hon! And sksksk!! I really love a lot of questions!

Here I go

1. How old were you when you first start writing fanfiction?

I think I was 17? I started kinda late into my writing journey bc most of my childhood and adolescence was spent making visual art. I thought it was my passion until I fell in love reading books to analyze BTS HYYH MVs being released. I've always loved books since I was a kid lmao I finished all the books in my elementary school's library and it was huge! (I got like 4 library cards stapled next to each other, completely filled out, every year). However, I only really appreciated how they are mad eand their influence on other's works when I get to study them close up to get BTS MVs (i'm so used to BTS hip and cool MVs since No More Dream and I was shook out of my mind when they suddenly changed things up in I NEED U ASDFGHJKL)

8. Where do you take inspiration from?

A million of films. I fell in love with screenwriting and now I'm learning a heck lot from it and from that, I appreciated film making more. Bc learning it had me learning different types of character arcs to try, how to structure subplots, or even come up with novel story structures that deviate from the 5 point Acts! I think I appreciated stories told in films more than in books now bc the writing was made to be precise to fit in a specific time frame. And I think if you could pull off such a wonderful story with real, effective characters within just 2 hours, you're one hell of a talented being. The films that continue to inspire my writings until now had to be Kill Bill, Fight Club, Plus One, and recently added, Parasite and Snowpiercer. (It's actually been ages since I read books. I don't have much time to read them these days bc I'm in uni and I can only have movies for now).

17. Post a line from a WIP that you're working on.

Hoseok shrugs, “Well, he has a point. We’re exercising our powers determining everyone’s future and dictating what consequence should they have. Indeed, only gods do that and we are no gods.”

- My Time

(I'm sorry this is like an additional teaser abxjkwk. But I'm on my mobile now and this is the only WIP I have. But that doesnt do much bc I prefer finishing one project first after another so yeah)

21. Tell me about athwr writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

I feel you already know this bc I've fangirled about him with you for so many times but F. Scott Fitzgerald. He writes beautifully crafted sentences that are also beautifully bruttally honest. His works always feel so raw and I just love the honesty in them. Another one is Chuck Palahniuk, the writer of Fight Club. I love how he manages to put so many of his philosophical stances in his story and yet syill have one cohesive theme. Not to say he makes a lot of mindfucking stories!

In the screenwriting field, Bong Joon Ho, hands down. I lobe his respect for the fundamental elements and techniques of screenwriting. It is often thought that doing the conventional is a negative connotation bc it is "restricting." When actually, they serve as a guide to wrote beautiful effective stories. And so I think Bong Joon Ho did a good job proving that doing the conventional way is also okay and in the end, you'll still get to make wonderful, impactful stories.

22. Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Hmmm, not that I posted here though. Even if I think I write better now than what I used to in 2018, I only fondly look back at them and appreciate how much they helped me grow in my writing journey. But hmm, I remember writing a real cringey shitty story when I was 16. Never got it online bc I only wrote it in pencil in some notebook. Real shitty bc it was highly inspired by the romantic tropes of Hollywood back in the day that I now think are very toxic. Never got to reread it tho bc I lost that notebook when we moved houses 2 years ago. I don't regret it tho. I don't really feel a great urge to rerwad it.

29. Do you have a story that you feel doesn't get as much love as you'd like?

I'll never let it go but Translucent Fireworks, my first official story here 2 years ago. It has 200+ notes and actually that's really big! However, there's not much feedback about it and that's kinda saddening bc I wrote so many beautiful lines there that to this day I still think, "how the fuck did I do that?" (Bc holy mother of fuck, 18 year old me made metaphors about cracking paint on ceilings and geometry and 20 year old me now is just: HoW?). I just wished more of my readers has appreciated it bc 'til this day, it remains as one of my proudest works.

33. What's the biggest compliment you've gotten?

Out of all the generous and kind words my hons has showered me ober the years, 2 remain that really hits my heart right on. One is when they say I'm their favorite writer (and guess what, you just said it to me rn *heart combusts boom boom pow pow* 😳🥺😭☺️😊😆🥰) Growing up, I found it hard to find friends I could trust on. And so, I made friends out of fictional characters and the writers who made them. Now as I write, I wish to be someone people who are like me who finds it hard to find someone to connect to, can find solace and comfort in my writings. Now the second one bears more weight to me. It's when my readers tell me they felt so many emotions. In such a harsh world we live in, it seems as just everyday seems to get worse as the years pass by. And bc of such exposure to misery and hopelessness, a lot has grown to be apathetic and find it hard now to find happiness in their lives. I want to make things a little bit better for everyone, and so I want them to just....feel. happiness, sadness, anger, frustration - a beautiful variety than just stagnant despair. I want more people to see there's still hope we can feel other than hopelessness in this world. So when I receive a compliment like this one, I feel I've already succceeded one of my major goals as a writer.

47. Here's a fic title - insert made up title. What would this story be about.

Okay, I LOVE THIS QUESTION.

Angst Queen. It will about a girl who loves reading and watching angsty stuff that her appreciation for this genre somehow got to affect her values. She now tends to expect that love should hurt for it to be real love bc people only gets to remember pain, not happiness, for joy doesn't bear a scar on the hearts. But in doing so, she tends to get in toxic relationships, or end up ruining a good one that's just about to start. When her bestfriend finally calls her out on it, she learns that maybe she's looking at life with black colored glasses. She decides to embark on a journey to grow out from it. She just didn't expect that the half of those black glasses had already started turning pink the moment her bestfriend told her he'll be by her side on this journey.

Ask me more questions here Fanfiction Writer Asks!

[myupostsheadcanons]

Books “Read” in 2019

I am going to rank these by how much i enjoyed them vs. any actual literary quality. often well written books aren’t always the most entertaining books.

Note: i listen to many of these books at work, which is why i am able to go through so many of them in a year.

List from 2017 List from 2018

------- My Favs of the Year ----

Novels from The First Law:

Best Served Cold (#1), The Heroes(#3), Red Country(#4), Sharp Ends(#5).

A Little Hatred (#2) (Age of Madness, sequel to The First Law)

I read “The First Law Trilogy” about a year or two ago and finally got around to reading the rest of the books, just in time for a new series taking place in the same world to start up (Age of Madness) and now i am waiting like everybody else for the next two books to come out in 2020 and 2021. A Little Hatred shouldn’t be read as a stand alone, a lot of what goes on is dependent mainly on knowledge from the first trilogy and in The Heroes, then bits and pieces from Best Served Cold and Red Country. So much of your enjoyment of each book is based on what you’ve learned in other ones (character development or seemingly useless information being not so useless later).

Age of Legend (Book 4,  Legend of the First Empire)

This is more-or-less an “aftermath” book where the main characters are still reeling about what happened in the previous book and are trying to make plans for what they are going to do next. I still like the characters and the world/setting it takes place in.

House of Assassins (Saga of the Forgotten Warrior, Book 2)

I’ve been waiting for the next book in this series to come out the second i finished the first book in the series. It is one of those Science fiction in the disguise of Fantasy settings and I am on the edge of my seat waiting to see how that plot/revelation comes out (I am certain that the location the story takes place is Earth, more specifically around Asia/India, but in a post-invasion apocalypse setting where nobody remembers anything prior to the invasion). I also really like how much of a badass Ashok is... i have a thing for emotionally stunted badass characters, especially when their flaws are held up to a mirror and have real consequences.

R. R. Haywood’s Worldship Humility & Extinct (Extracted, Book 3)

I love the way Haywood writes characters and dialog. I was at-first iffy about WSH, but was won over after i warmed up to the new characters.

Shades of Magic Trilogy (A Darker Shade of Magic, A Gathering of Shadows, A Conjuring of Shadows)

Solid multi-verse and magic system world. Well-written characters, some minor nitpicks on plot points, but can be easily ignored. LGBTQ rep, the gays don’t stay buried.

“Don’t you have enough [knives]?” “You can never have too many.” [me, every time: LOL]

One of the few times when a character deserves a redemption arc, doesn’t really get one, dies, and i am perfectly fine with it because it is done well.

Assassin’s Fate (Fitz and the Fool, Book 3)

I read this one in book-book form, but i already knew most of the emotionally painful parts of the book by spoiling it to myself when it first came out a couple years ago. The main appeal is the inner monologues of the two main characters, even if like 50% of this trilogy is basically spending weeks/months trying to go from Point A to Point B, when many other books would have glossed over the details of travel.. but you can really feel the stress as they dwell in their thoughts and struggles.

Madeline Miller’s The Song of Achilles & Circe

Re-Imagining of the Iliad and The Odyssey. Focusing not on the characters of Achilles or Odysseus, but on Petroclus (Achilles’ lover) and Circe the sea nymph witch that Odysseus had an affair and child with.

The Spear of the Stars (Cycle of Galand, Book 5)

Still love Dante and Bleys... This is where they really get into the meat of world building and solving the mysteries of the Arawn Cycle (the book/bible) and peel back the layers of their reality.

Dust (Silo Book 3)

A great ending to a good series, it answers whether or not humanity can or has survived what had caused them to be locked away in the silos.

Blackthorn and Grim (Dreamer’s Pool, Tower of Thorns, Den of Wolves)

I like the premise of the books, the two main characters first seeking out revenge, but end up wanting to become better people due to magic shenanigans.... One part Fantasy, One Part Mystery, One Part Lovestory.

The Dispatcher (Audible Free Book) 

I want a whole series based off this novella. It is John Scalzi so he can write a good story. I had previously read Android’s Dream by him, which it didn’t make it into my top-10 that year, but was still decent, even if the subject matter was a bit gross... The Dispatcher world is a Sci-Fi Noir, not quite Cyberpunk, where people don’t die by anything other than natural causes. The Dispatcher’s job is to kill people before something goes does wrong and the person “resets” to when they where safe and sound.

---- this is the “Above Average” Zone ----

All the Pretty Horses & Blood Meridian: Or the Evening Redness in the West

The master of bleak and depressing fiction. if regular Dark Fiction isn’t enough for you.... there is Cormac McCarthy books. Get use to the “purple prose” that fills up pages with no dialog.

The Golem and the Jinni

Supernatural world of the far past dealing with Edwardian New York and Immigration. It not only is a “fish out of water” story of the two main characters trying to fit in with society but they are among communities that are also new to America and trying to find their own place in the world. There are love subplots but most of those kind of fizzle out.

The Axe and the Throne: Bounds of Redemption Vol. 1.

“Discount First Law” book... it is lacking the dark humor that made TFL series far more entertaining.  This was also the book that was prefaced by warning people about how grim and dark the setting was... Hahahaha. I still found it entertaining none the less, and hope the rest would show up on audible soon.

Black Snow, White Crow (Audible Free Book) 

Another one of those short stories that should have a larger saga to its name. Fantasy Industrial Punk. It has the whole equality role reversal thing going on, it isn’t done quite as well as Left Hand of Darkness (but that book leaned onto the boring side of things).

Stephen King’s IT, Pet Semetary, and Carrie

It’s Stephen King. Classic King. Not much else to say.

Watership Down

Depressing Rabbit Book. Though I did like all the stories and mythology the rabbits had.

Bloody Acquisitions (Fred the Vampire Accountant, Book 3)

A series that is always fun to listen to. I wish the audio books were cheaper because they are rather short.

Lethal White (Cormoran Strike, Book 4)

shuddup, i don’t care if it is Rowling... i have a low-key crush on Cormoran.... he just hits that big-burly tragic-backstory man-shaped soft-spot of mine. These stories are also her “for adults” writings so...  expect more racism and garbage values.

The Eye of the World (Book 1, Wheel of Time)

Classic set up to a long running series, though i am reluctant to go further as the middling books in this series are said to drag out the story too much.... It’s not as self-centered as Wizard’s First Rule and the characters are more relatable and stick to their fantasy tropes. This is the “mold” that other modern fantasy try to subvert by going “darker and edgier.”

The Exorcist

If you like the movie, read the book. There is a lot of back story that the movie wasn’t able to adapt.

---- This is the “AVERAGE, but Still Good”  Zone ---

The Iliad and The Odyssey

Classics. I am still on the hunt for an unabridged version of Jason and the Argonauts story. I also have Virgil’s Aeneid in my wishlist to get too soon.

Phillipa Gregory’s Plantagonate Novels (The Lady of the Rivers, The Red Queen, White Queen, The Kingmaker’s Daughter)

Sometimes it is like reading the same book 5x in a row. other times you end up not liking the previous protagonist in a book you just finished reading because of how the current protagonist sees them from their POV.

Return of the King (Lord of the Rings, Book 3)

Read the other books last year and didn’t get around to this one for a few months.

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Fuck... I’m a janitor... why can’t i afford a house?   If you liked Stephen King’s “IT” go back and read this book.

Alien Franchise Dramatizations: Alien: Sea of Sorrows, Alien: The Cold Forge (Audible Free Book) Alien III (Audible Free Book)

I don’t mind that they all are done with a full cast. Though often I end up wanting to find the actual book and listen to them with just one narrator and descriptions.

The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe (Narnia, Book 1)

I would like to get the rest of the books in this series, but for books that are only 5-7 hours long they want 20$ a book for them. It needs to go into an omnibus.

Stephen Fry’s Victorian Secrets (Audible Free Book)

It’s Stephen Fry... he’s funny and a good narrator.

Wizard’s First Rule (Book 1, Sword of Truth)

I don’t like Richard. He started off alright, but even before he got tortured 2/3rds into the book, i was starting to dislike his personality.  Other than that, the side characters and world are solid, but it was like taking an R-rated movie and cutting it down for TV. There is somethings that are vaguely described when i am use to harder fiction like ASoIaF, The First Law, Dresden, and McCarthy books actually describing those things.

Halloween (2018, movie novel)

Like I said when i first read the book, it would’ve benefited by a second re-write before being published. But, i like the movie and so I liked the book.

Don Quixote

Another classic read. I did find it hilarious that the Author spent a good chunk of the second book complaining about Fanfiction of his own book... in the 1600′s.

The Princess Diarist

I listened this book instead of going to see TROS. worth it.

Smoke Gets in Your eyes: And other Lessons from the Crematorium

Non-Fiction, If you want to know the ins and outs of the funeral business and get told in an informative yet non-clinical way with lots of tidbits and history facts tossed in as well as a semi-autobiographical account of the Author’s life.

--- These Books are “Alright” ---

Frank L. Baum’s Wizard of Oz books

I ligit got into an argument with a 70yo man in a comic book shop about how Canon the other Oz books were post Baum’s death. He was looking for Oz comic books and I brought up reading the first 14 books, and he’s like “There’s over 100 of them” and i was all “but all those are written by somebody else.” and he got all “they are still canon...” 

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

If you want to know about the In//cel ideology in a classic literary form, this fits the bill. So much man pain.

A Christmas Carol (Tim Curry) (Audible Free Book)

Tim Curry, guys.....

The Poetic Edda (Norse God Mythology)

I listened this book twice. I bought two Edda books thinking I’d get some extra content, but no... same book just different production teams and readers. Returned the one with the worst translation.

Treasure Island (Audible Free Book, dramatization)

I need to read the actual book sometime, but i did like the cast and thought they did a good job.

Wally Roux, Quantum Mechanic (Audible Free Book)

A YA coming of age story about diversity and acceptance... with wacky science fiction. 

Carmilla (Audible Free Book, dramatization)

The vampire before Dracula. Victorian Lesbian love story.

Even Tree Nymphs get the Blues (Audible Free Book)

A novella from one of those “love on the Bayou” romance series with supernatural creatures. Could practically take place in the same world of either True Blood, Dresden, or Fred the Vampire Accountant.

Mystwick School of Musicraft (Audible Free Book)

Harry Potter lite. For 10yo girls.

A Grown-up’s Guide to Dinosaurs (Audible Free Book)

I like dinosaurs.

Rivals! Frenemies Who Changed the World (Audible Free Book, Dramatization)

Interesting way on telling us about the Fossil Wars and Puma vs. Adidas.

True-Crime from Audible: Body of Proof (Audible Free Book),   Midnight Son (Audible Free Book), The Demon Next Door (Audible Free Book), Killer By Nature (Audible Free Book)

Why is True-Crime or YA fiction the only halfway-decent things Audible is giving us? But yeah, these are basically the type of reporting that the two journalists from Halloween were trying to do. Where they go around and gather up information about semi-famous cases and present it in a Podcast-like format.

---- Meh... ---

Camp Red Moon (Audible Free Book)

Would’ve been better if they were actually written by R. L. Stein.

More Bedtime Stories for Cynics (Audible Free Book)

No... half of these aren’t written very well.

The Darkwater Bride (Audible Free Book, Dramatization)

The setting is nice, but it is far too .... Soap Opera Dramatic.

Junk (Audible Free Book)

A cross between Alien Invasion and Zombie outbreak, read by John Waters and written as if it was a bad version of a Philip K. Dick Novel.

Rip Off!! (Audible Free Book)

Most of them are duds and boring. I don’t even remember half of them without having to look them up. The two that stood out the most for me where the “Other Darren/Bewitched” and the “Dark and Stormy Night” stories, the rest were rather garbled.

--- Garbage... ---

Dodge and Twist (Audible Free Book, Dramatization)

No, you are not being edgy or kool.

Unread:

Siege Tactics (Spells, Swords, & Stealth. Book 4)

Triumphant (Genesis Fleet, Book 3)

Earthsea (Tehanu and Tales from Earthsea, i am going to re-listen to the first three before i get to these)

Into the Wilds (Warriors, Book 1)

Pout Neuf (Audible Free Book)

House of Teeth (Audible Free Book)

Viva Durant and the Secret of the Silver Buttons (Audible Free Book)

The Other Boleyn Girl (Phillipa Gregory)

[fullmetalscullyy]

I am obsessed with your writing and drop everything when you release new content! ✨✨✨ If you don't mind, I want more Royai angst in my life. I don't think I have seen you do this. One where Riza is tired of waiting for Roy and decides to marry/seriously date someone else. Basically how Roy deals with this. Can be whatever you want, obviously. ☺️

oh my goodness skjhgjk bless u

me? royai angst? don’t you mean my middle name?

and no joke i had an idea for a fic like this in 2018 (almost a year to the date lmao) but never got passed like 500 words and eventually dropped and forgot about it so thanks for bringing me back to it!

(no one mentioned anything about a happy ending either 👀 fair warning!)

enjoy ;)

rated: t

words: 4458

“What?” Roy asked, disbelief colouring his tone. Dread andfear rushed through his body, but he was too much shock to let it show on hisface.

“I’ve got a boyfriend,” she smiled. He knew she was tryingto hide just how happy she was, Roy could see it all over her face. He’d knownher for long enough to be able to tell. Plus, the excitement was clear in hertone.

Catalina looked asshocked as he felt but recovered quickly. She congratulated her friend happily,and the others joined her. Roy had yet to move from his frozen position in thechair and he knew Riza had noticed. He remained in place, still, sayingnothing, and just staring at his old friend.

A whirlwind of emotions flew through is mind. Not one stoodout, leaving him feeling numb and shocked. All he knew was Riza Hawkeye was datingsomeone.

And it wasn’t him.

A sharp elbow to his side jolted him back to the present.Havoc shot him a pointed look.

“That’s great, Riza,” he offered with a smile. They all knewit wasn’t genuine, but Riza didn’t seem to notice. She was too lost in herhappiness to notice him now.

And rightly so, she should be happy. God knows she’d had atough childhood. Her life hadn’t exactly been a forgiving one, yet she hadpersevered and pulled through stronger than ever.

Roy had always planned that her happiness in her later yearswould be because of him. Throughout their lives he had only brought her sorrowand pain. He truly didn’t deserve her, however, there was always a sliver ofhope residing within him that something may happen.

Now it had crumbled to dust.

“Riza, I had no idea. When… When did this happen?” Catalinademanded, looking slightly hurt.

They all had noidea. Least of all, Roy.

But why would he know? She was just his subordinate, nothingmore.

No matter how much he’d hoped that would change.

He’d loved her for years and yet he hadn’t been able tofigure this out, pick up the signs?

She still never left the office early, always waiting forhim to finish his paperwork. He’d been a notorious procrastinator in hisyounger years but now, as a General, he’d buckled down and motivated himself topush forward. After all, the sooner he hit Fuhrer, the sooner he could admit toRiza how he’d felt for years.

She’d put up with his crap for too long. He was too slow.That’s how this happened.

“A couple of months ago,” she admitted.

“Months?”

Months.

Riza nodded. “Yes. We’ve been seeing each other for a fewmonths. We were in the academy together and have kept in touch ever since. Imet him in the hospital again while returning for check-ups last year. He askedme out of a coffee to catch up, we got to talking and now… Here we are,” shebeamed.

She’d been returning for check-ups on her neck? Waseverything okay?

And… Had he been reading the signs wrong for all theseyears?

It was too late to ask her now.

“What’s his name?” Catalina demanded. She was leaningforward in her chair, desperate to drink in as many details as possible. Shewas in the academy with Riza, so was Havoc – who Roy also noted was suddenlyvery interested in who this mystery man was – so of course they would want toknow who it was.

“Do you remember Eric Larsson?”

“The tall, blonde, hunk we used to obsess over,” Catalinapractically slavered. “Oh, Riza, you lucky thing!”

“Hey,” Havoc protested with a frown.

“Sorry, honey, but this guy was something else.”

“I know. I was there,in case you had forgotten.”

“Eric Larsson,” Catalina repeated, her tone taking on adreamy quality as she stared into space with a happy smile. Havoc just grumbledto himself. “You finally landed him, huh? Well, luck you!”

Breda shot a quick look at Roy, who pretended not to notice.It was no secret with the men how he felt about Hawkeye. Not now anyway. He’dbeen told it was blatantly obvious how he felt about Riza, but clearly itwasn’t obvious enough.

*          *          *

“Sir, I’m going out to the deli on 5th Street forlunch. Would you like anything brought in?” Hawkeye asked, poking her headthrough the door to his office.

“No, thank you, Captain.”

“Okay. Enjoy your lunch, sir.” The closed behind her and Roydropped his pen, brooding. Riza had only just recently begun to leave HQ forlunch by herself, and Roy supposed now he knew why. All these little things,these little changes he’d noticed, were all beginning to add up.

Deciding not to dwell on it too much, lest his mood go intodecline once more, Roy turned in his chair, overlooking the courtyard. He wassulking already, and everyone knew it.

Riza was well within her right to date and marry whoever shewanted. She owed Roy absolutely nothing. Even if she thought she did, he woulddismiss it. He’d brought her too much sorrow in her life.

But it didn’t mean he had to like the fact that she was withsomeone else.

Movement caught his eye and he looked, seeing Riza hurryingout from the entrance to HQ. A man with sandy blonde hair was waiting for her,grinning. He extended his arm, offering Riza his hand. She took it and kissedhim before they both fell into step together. Roy felt his chest tighten, hisstomach ball up uncomfortably.

He turned back around in his chair. The movement was moreviolent than intended. Storming of the empty office he left to go the mess hallto join the rest of his team.

He didn’t need another lunch break sitting alone in hisoffice.

*          *          *

He kissed her.

It was the dumbest idea. It was the stupidest idea. She was dating someoneelse and he had the bright idea tokiss her.

He always had been a dumbass.

But, for the briefest moment, she melted against him. Shesighed softly – almost moaning in his mouth – her lips moving against his, andfor one moment in his life, Roy was happy. Trulyhappy.

They were out at Christmas’ new bar, enjoying the grandopening. It was Friday and Roy needed the night to drown his sorrows after theweek he’d had. Riza had left rather quickly and he – in his infinite wisdom –followed her to the stock room through the back. It was dark, her voice wasquiet, and she sounded upset, but he didn’t know what about.

So, he seized the opportunity and –

He kissed her.

Riza shoved him off her.

“What are youdoing?” she growled angrily, fire blazing in her eyes.

“I –”

“You had your chance,” There was a hint of wetness in hereyes. “You had it and you blew it,” she seethed. “Don’t come running to me now only because you can’t havesomething you want.”

“Riza, I’m sorry –”

“No, you’re not,” she shook her head, hugging her arms closeto her as her fire died down, put out by the water falling from her eyes. “Youcouldn’t possibly be. If you were, you would have asked me years ago. But youdidn’t. I’m tired, Roy.” She met his gaze and her tears begun to fall. “I’mtired of waiting for you.”

He wanted to reach out and hug her, comfort her, but thatwasn’t his job anymore. She had someone else to do it, and Riza wouldn’t wantRoy to do it either. He was the reason she needed comforting in the firstplace.

“Please, just –”

She shook her head. “No.”

Riza turned on her heel and left the stock room, leaving Royin the dim light to think about how he’d made the biggest mistake of his life.

He was unsure of how much time had passed. It stretched onfor eternity before him, his future laid out before his eyes.

Cold, empty, and without Riza by his side.

“Mustang?” he heard Havoc call into the room. “You still inhere?” He sounded pissed.

“Over here,” he replied, voice thick.

“What the hell are you doing, man?” he asked. He was pissed. “We saw Riza leave in ahurry. What did you do?”

“I…”

“Roy.”

“I kissed her,” he whispered sadly.

Havoc blinked in surprise. “You what?”

“I kissed her.”

“Why?”

“I… I have no idea.” He was an idiot, that’s why.

“You don’t get to toy with her like that, Mustang,” Havocgrowled. “She’s been waiting for years for your sorry ass and when you can’thave her, you go and do something like that? Think how that must make herfeel!”

“Like shit?” he asked, his on eyes flashing at Havoc. Heknew exactly how it felt because he felt the same way too.

But the world doesn’trevolve around you, Roy boy. You know this. So, why push her to a point likethat? It’s cruel and unfair. She’s happy and you’re trying to blow it for yourown personal gain.

Bastard.

“Come on,” he barked, grabbing his upper arm. “You’re goingto apologise to her.”

“Havoc –” he began, feeling very tired.

“Shut the fuck up,” he hissed as they stepped intoChristmas’ bar. One look at the two and the Madame knew exactly what hadhappened. Nothing got passed her, especially not in her own bar. She frowned athim, pursing her lips. Oh boy, she wasn’t happy. “You’re fixing this becauseyou owe Riza that much.”

“What the hell did you do, Roy boy?” the Madame demanded assoon as they were outside in the cool night air. “Riza left here like a batoutta hell.”

“He kissed her,” Havoc replied for him, tone sour.

“You don’t get to play with her like that –”

“Can you save it?” Roy asked. “Havoc has already given methat lecture and I’ve already told myself that in my head.”

“Cut the attitude, Roy,” Christmas barked. “You will hear ita third time and you will hear it from me.That poor girl has waited for you to make a move or years. Granted, you hadlaws that prevented you both, but there was nothing against telling her. Youcould’ve done that, but you didn’t.”

“I told her!” he shouted in the quiet night. The other twostood quietly as they watched him, the outburst unexpected. “She knows how I feel.Always has. It’s never changed.”

“When?”

Roy paused, unsure of whether he should tell them or not.Havoc was unaware of his time in the Hawkeye household. It was an automaticreaction to hide that information, but this was Havoc. And, the Madameobviously already knew.

Roy told himself “fuck it”. At this point, it didn’tmatter anymore.

“When we were kids,” he admitted.

“Kids?” Havoc asked, confused.

“Teenagers. I studied under her father. I left for themilitary and left her behind – the second biggest regret of my life.”

“What’s the first?” the Madame asked carefully.

Roy took a deep breath, finally admitting how he felt.

“Not telling Riza I still feel the same way now.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I put it off. We had time. Silly, because life has taughtme that everything can be ripped from me just like that.” He snapped hisfingers to demonstrate. “I got complacent because the threat was gone after thePromised Day.” He turned his gaze up to sky, gazing at the stars. “You knowwhat? The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes after the Promised Day washer,” he stated wistfully. “Doctor Marco asked me to look at him, but Icouldn’t. I lied and said I couldn’t see, but all I saw was Riza.” Marco hadasked him to close his eyes again while he used alkahestry to search thesockets to check the nerves were all connected. When Roy opened them again, hetold the truth. He could see again, and it was beautiful, staring at Riza whowas looking on anxiously. “I didn’t want it to be him. I wanted it to be her.”

“Roy?” A familiar voice called to him uncertainly. His eyesclosed. Damn it. He had no idea she’dbeen listening.

Roy placed his hands in his pockets, half turning away fromthe three people staring at him. The Madame with a knowing, satisfied, look onher face, Havoc looking very surprised, and Riza. She was staring at him withan odd look on her face, like she didn’t quite believe his words and wanted himto tell her it was true.

Or that it wasn’t true.

He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t hurt her again.

His back straightened and he schooled his features into amask. “Captain Hawkeye,” he greeted formally, removing himself emotionally fromthe conversation as Havoc and Christmas looked between them both. “I apologisefor my behaviour. It was inappropriate and I do, honestly, regret my actions.” Regretted not doing it sooner. Regretted how it made you feel. “Iunderstand if you no longer wish to work with me. On Monday there will be astack of transfer papers on your desk.”

“Mustang –” Havoc interrupted, realising this was not goingin the direction he anticipated.

“The last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable inyour place of work. You can decide what you wish to do with them. Goodnight.”

He turned and walked away, ignoring the Madame calling outhis name.

*          *          *

Never in his life had he felt so lonely.

He’d lost everything. The love of his life, his soulmate.Riza must have felt the same way at some point. She’d been “waiting for him”after all. And he’d blown it, taken too long, so she had sought out someoneelse to comfort her, love her. He wishedit could be him, but it wasn’t meant to be. He didn’t believe in fate. Fatewouldn’t have given them the life they’d had, but he and Riza obviously justweren’t meant to be together in that way.

“I’d follow you intohell if you asked me to”. Well, this was hell all right, and he was herealone. He’d caused this, it wasn’t her fault, but this was where he belonged.

Alone.

No one came after him. The Madame had called his name, butshe couldn’t leave the bar unattended. Plus, he’s been an idiot and wouldn’t besurprised his foster mother took Riza’s side on this. The Madame had alwaysliked Riza.

Havoc had known Riza longer, they’d been in the Academytogether, so Roy knew his loyalties lay with her. Plus, the whole team wasaware of the shit he’d put Riza through. If Roy was them, he’d pick Riza overtheir CO as well.

His apartment was cold and uninviting when he entered. Itwas times like this he wished he had a dog. Someone to greet him when he camehome. At the thought, an image of Hayate popped into his head and Roy brushedit aside. That reminded him of Riza.

Sitting on his bed, Roy stared into space as he ran over theevents of the night in his head.

Why did he kissher?

Because you wanted toknow what it felt like one last time.

They’d been together as teenagers. They’d slept together.That night of her father’s funeral Roy had whispered his promises anddeclarations of love against her skin. They still stood true to this day.

He wondered if Riza remembered any of them.

She’d been pissed when he’d left her again. Roy knew that.Perhaps that’s why she had ignored his words.

All through her life he had let her down and hurt her. Shewas wise to find someone else and leave him behind.

*          *          *

Monday morning came and Roy entered the office looking likehis usual self – which nowadays looked brooding and miserable – holding hisbreath to see if there would be signed transfer forms on his desk or not.

His stomach dropped when he saw them sitting there. Heclosed the inner doors to his office, blocking out the rest of the team wholooked on with their familiar looks of concern.

Dread prickled over his skin as he rounded the desk.

They were unsigned.

He let out a breath of shocked relief.

Selfish bastard.

The knock on his door drew him out of surprise. He squasheddown the hope. What he’d done was inexcusable and didn’t warrant hope. Riza is happy. Without you. Remember that.

“Good morning Captain,” he greeted professionally despitethe knot in his stomach.

She didn’t sign them.

“Good morning, sir. Could I request a minute of your time?”

“Of course. Take a seat,” he gestured towards the chair infront of his desk. The doors closed quietly behind her.

Riza took a deep breath as she composed herself. Her handswere folded in her lap, her posture perfect. The way she was holding herself,it was controlled.

“I was wondering if we could talk. Privately, after work.”There was a fire in her eyes that showed she was pissed. Roy sighed. He had alot of work to do and was unsure why she was dragging this out to be longer andmore painful than it needed to be. She could have signed the transfer papersand be done with him. She could have moved on with her life.

“If you wish,” he replied carefully. Curiosity may havekilled the cat, but now he wanted to know whyshe was dragging this out and why she hadn’t signed those papers. He had arough idea but wanted to hear it from Riza herself.

“My place? After work?”

So, it really was to be private. Probably to avoid a publicshouting match.

“I don’t think that’s wise, Captain, given your new socialcircumstances.” Her jaw locked.

“I don’t have a problem with it, sir,” she replied. Roycould almost hear the hint of sourness in her tone. “It’s my apartment, afterall. Not Eric’s.”

“Of course. I apologise for the assumption. Would you like aride home?”

“That would be lovely, sir. Thank you.”

“No problem, Captain. Is there anything else I can help youwith?”

“That will be all, sir.” She vacated the seat and saluted,not quite meeting him in the eye.

She was pissed.

Probably about the transfer papers.

Whoops.

Too bad he couldn’t really bring himself to care at thispoint.

*          *          *

“Transfer papers?”Riza stressed as soon as they were in the comfort of her own home. “Really?”

“I gave you the opportunity to get out, should you want it,”Roy explained, taking a seat on an armchair by the fire. Hayate hopped up onhis lap and breathed in his face. Well, at least someone in this house washappy to see him. “How I acted was inappropriate and I would have understood ifyou didn’t feel comfortable working with me anymore.”

Riza blinked at him, seemingly surprised by histhoughtfulness. Then the hard tone was back. “Regardless,” she stated, enteringher bedroom to get changed. He banished the thought of her undressing from hismind. God, she had no idea the affect she had on him. “When I signed up to workwith you, I made a promise and I intend to follow it through to the bitter end.Don’t assume that I would brush you – orwhat I did in Ishval – off like that just because of your idiotic actions.” Shefell quiet and Roy heard the sound of fabric rustling.

She was right, as always.

Roy turned his attention to the room to try and distracthimself from Riza undressing and wished he hadn’t. There was a tie neatlyfolded on the coffee table, a suit jacket draped over the chair by the table.

Eric’s.

There was a photo of them both. They were smiling and happy.Roy looked away. Then, he noticed another photo on the coffee table. It was ofhim. And Riza. They were young. This was taken at her house when he’d been astudent. They were grinning, an arm around each other’s shoulders. Royremembered this. Mr. Carson from the farm next door had taken it. He felt apressure building his throat as he saw that photo. He hadn’t seen or eventhought about that photo in years.

And here it was, sitting proudly on Riza’s coffee table nextto a photo of her and her partner.

“I’ve always loved you, Roy, but I’m happy with Eric,” shewhispered.

His head snapped around to face her as she entered the roomagain. She was a vision in grey sweatpants and a hoodie from the Academy.

The revelation confirmed his thoughts and he nodded,offering her a sad smile. “I understand.”

“I… I wanted it to be you but… Eric has opened me up toother things. And it’s nice… To be loved by someone who doesn’t know how muchof a monster I truly am.”

Roy nodded, knowing the feeling. Even now, they were stillhaunted. It was expected, but it didn’t make it any easier.

“You are wonderful, Riza. Don’t ever forget that. And Iwould never take that happiness away from you. I just… I wanted to tell you howI felt. And I ended up showing you instead.”

Riza nodded, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink as shethought back to the kiss. Roy shivered minutely as he remembered her moan, herlips moving against his.

“Can… Can I admit something that you might hate me for?”

“I could never hate you, Roy,” she smiled softly.

Hesitantly, he stepped closer and grasped her fingerslightly in his. It felt so right to have them both entwined together.

“In that stock room I was overcome by the thought that Iwould never get the opportunity to do it again. The last time I kissed you Iwas eighteen years old – over fifteen years ago – and I wanted to do it onemore time. Just in case I never could again.”

Riza was silent and offered him no other comment. He didn’texpect any either.

“It was dumb, it was inappropriate, it was selfish. I knowthat. But… I know “I couldn’t help myself” doesn’t justify it, but it’s true. Iapologise for that, but you know I’ve always been an arrogant idiot,” he added,smiling sadly.

The corner of her mouth quirked up into a genuine smile.

“May I?” he asked, opening his arms.

Riza nodded and stepped forward into his embrace, holdinghim tighter than he thought she would. Roy responded in kind, holder her tightagainst him while a piece of his heart shattered at the acceptance that thiswould be the last time he’d ever hold her like this.

They had spent fifteen years already hiding how they feltabout each other. What was the rest of their lives at this point?

It would be easy. It wouldn’t crush him. It wouldn’t shatterhis heart in two to see Riza marry Eric. Not at all.

“I will alwayslove you, Roy. Don’t forget that.”

He chuckled to himself. It was fitting, really.

“And I, you.”

He kissed the top of her head, giving her one more squeezebefore he let go, driving the final nail in the coffin that was their personalrelationship.

All those years together… Well, at least he’d have them tolook back on fondly. He’d been loved by Riza Hawkeye all this time, and he hadloved her in return. Even without being able to show it or proclaim it to theworld, it had been enough. More than he’d ever deserved.

“Anyway, I should get going,” Roy announced, stepping awayto put distance between them, both physically and emotionally. “Thank you forgiving me the opportunity to explain myself. I really do appreciate that.”

“Of course,” she stated. Roy had already turned away to pickup his jacket, but he noticed the hitch in her voice. He ignored it. He had to,because if he turned around, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from drawingher to him and holding her close, never letting go.

“Goodbye Captain. I will see you tomorrow.”

“Goodbye, Roy.”

He ignored the emotion in her voice, her wet eyes, andsmiled as he turned away a final time. Roy nodded to himself as he stood on thelanding, Riza’s apartment door closed firmly behind him.

So that was it.

It was done.

He would hold onto the hope that things might not work outin the end for them both, but he would never actively look forward to thatpoint. After all, she was happy with Eric. He wouldn’t take that away fromRiza. However, he promised himself that if the opportunity did present itself,he wouldn’t waste it again.

At least they could still work together. At least he still hadthat. He would still be able to see her, which was all he asked for. Theywouldn’t be moving away. Riza had made it clear she still had a job to do whileby his side. Roy had until he was Fuhrer then she would be gone. Well, that’swhat he theorised. Her job would be done, so why would she stick around? Their job would be done. Roy would makethe changes necessary then be executed for his crimes. That was how things weresupposed to go, and that’s what he had resigned himself to years ago. He didn’tdeserve the happiness he would receive from being with Riza. Not after Ishval.

It was fitting that she would find someone else. After all,he was the biggest monster of them all, and deserved nothing.

Perhaps it was better he would never get the chance to findhappiness with Riza. He would always love her, but getting the chance to beloved by her, to hold her, to kiss her… It would make his judgement day evenworse. He would die aching for more time with the woman he had loved since hewas a teenager. This way, he would die wondering what could have happenedbetween them, but with the knowledge that he’d atoned for his sins and notenjoyed himself like he longed to after robbing thousands of their lives.

There would be nothing dragging his focus away from hisjudgement day. That was the endgame. Always had been, always will be.

Shoving his hands deep in his pockets, Roy turned and walkeddown the hallway and out of Riza’s personal life.

[fake-f1-news]

Reasons Not to Watch F1

As a news organization (really 1 bloke in his mid 20′s writing shit in his bedroom), we have to be completely unbiased, despite obviously being biased. That being the case, as we did the “Reasons to watch F1″ post, here are reasons to avoid watching F1, so no-one can accuse me of favouring one side or the other!

Mercedes domination

Just getting a bit boring really. We get it, you’re quickest, now will you let someone else win please?! I miss the 1950′s, when nobody dominated the spo-

Ferrari team orders

That’s right, former F1 fans, Ferrari are still at it, and worse than ever! 3 team orders in the first 3 races of the season. Also, it’s worth noting that, on the 3rd occasion in China, Leclerc happened to be 4 points ahead of Sebastian in the championship, yet had to let him through, despite Vettel being unable to pull away from Charles. On previous occasions, such as Austria 2001/2002, and Germany 2010, whereas the team orders were still #CuntBehaviour, the driver being allowed through had a substantial points advantage over his team mate, and it was much later in the season.

You have a favourite

Whether it’s Ferrari putting Chocolate Eclair on a shitty strategy, yet another Ricciardo (read Riccard’oh!) retirement, or your favourite team being slower than a slow man walking an extremely slow turtle, and not building a championship winning car since 1997, your favourites are bound to have a bad race. Unless you’re a Mercedes fan.

Top 3 teams

With Mercedes, Ferrari and Red Bull having established themselves as the sport’s quickest teams, it is extremely hard for anyone NOT in these teams to finish in the top 6, unless Gasly has a poor weekend, or a top team driver is forced to retire. Indeed, the last time a midfield team finished on the podium, it was because the Red Bulls had crashed each other off, and pre-Porridge Boss Valtteri had a race ending puncture.

Danny Ric

I don’t mean Daniel Ricciardo (if anything, he’s a reason to watch the sport tbh), I mean the terrible “Danny Ric” nickname. Cringeworthy as fuck any time it’s said, and it needs to stop. Daniel isn’t a hard name to say, and certainly doesn’t need shortening, lazy bastards.

Beyond the Grid

Good podcast, but you won’t be able to remember anything from it, except for Bose QuietComfort 35 II goes beyond what you’d expect from a set of headphones. They’re headphones, Tom. Calm down.

Monaco

Only on the calendar because it’s a good excuse for F1 personnel to meet celebrities, Monaco is, by far, the most overrated circuit in the sport. Having been on the calendar since 1929, 21 years before F1 “started”, people like to pretend it’s a great race, when really, unless there’s loads of crashes, Monaco frequently provides viewers with dull races, with drivers finding it impossible to overtake. Examples include Mansell being unable to overtake Senna at the 1992 event, despite being 90 seconds a lap quicker than Ayrton’s McLaren, Jenson Button being unable to overtake a Caterham, despite being in a 2012 McLaren (something to aspire to at the time), and Max Verstappen only able to climb back up to 9th place in 2018, despite having a car capable of fighting back up to 6th at the bare minimum at literally any other circuit. Fans bored of Mercedes domination will be pleased to hear that the highest a Mercedes finished in the 1929 Monaco race was 3rd. Yes, nostalgia for 90 years ago. That’s how low the sport has sunken.

A car that struggled to finish above 19th without retirements holds off driver that won 3 races in 2012, and the car that won 7 for 70 laps.

You can’t afford to

If you live in the UK, you already have to suffer through paying the license fee, but if that isn’t bad enough, you now have to pay Sky x amount per month, just to watch Formula 1 live because, despite Channel 4 sending a film crew, presenters and commentators over to the races, they can’t air them live, so you have to wait 29839 hours to watch highlights of the Grand Prix, with the added bonus of having to avoid social media, news websites, pubs and any other business that might have a TV turned on, through fear of seeing spoilers of the race. I suppose you could watch a crappy live stream, if you’re OK with that dying every 5 seconds.

You work every Sunday

As if it’s not bad enough that you work a job you hate, and have a qualification that you studied for 3 years to get, but can’t get a job doing it due to lack of job opportunities in that profession, now your boss decides to put you on the rota every Sunday, ensuring you can’t watch the race live. Yeah, cheers for that, pal. Everyone else gets at least 1 Sunday off every now and then, yet you never seem to, and usually get the race spoilt for you by some twat who starts work 4 hours after you. When he finally does give you a Sunday off, it’s a non-F1 weekend. Fat lot of good that is!

David Croft

Some people reading this won’t remember the god awful commentary of Jonathan Legard that we had to suffer through during 2009-2010, and whereas David Croft is an improvement on Legard’s bland observations, he’ll still make you wonder why you’re paying for Sky, when for “free”, you could watch Ben Edwards commentate on Channel 4. Oh yeah, it’s not live on Channel 4 anymore.

FOM/Sky

Want to create a hilarious meme, or otherwise entertaining video based on the last race? Well, enjoy the copyright strike from these bastards if you do!

[itspriorfamily-blog]

2,752 days since - 534 days until -

Good evening Australians and Good.... whatever it is to you in the rest of the world.  I hope one day you find a love that I have been searching for since I could remember. A love so profound, you can not fathom a life before or after them. A love so intense, your breath leaves your chest, your soul leaves your body, your thoughts run like crazy, but at the same time.. you’re calm.  It’s been 2,752 days since I met the person that I would spend the rest of my life with. Granted, we haven’t been together that long. Nor did I know at the time that he would be the one that I would give my whole life to. As I sit here, though, 2,752 days later, I have realized that the perfect life that the world thinks is what they need, is incorrect. I never once believed that my life would end up this way. I never believed in happiness through family, because I never really had one. Until we created one.  I have a 6 year old who’s biological father lives pretty far away. I chose this, because my 6 year old’s progression in school depended on it. I chose this, not to punish him, but to encourage my daughter to learn and grow in a better environment. I didn’t leave straight away, her father and I spent 6 years together, when in reality, we probably have just never stayed at all. I would never take back her life though, and meeting him and being with him was necessary to have this wonderful child in my life. I do not regret having her, but I regret showing her that she has to compromise in life to be happy. I regret pushing my own needs back just to survive another week, I regret ever having to wait until the next pay day to afford more groceries, I regret ever needing to rely on anyone, because in the end, all those people would say, “You wouldn’t be here without me. No shade, but someone once said to me, “Your daughter would be dead if not for me.” And I can tell you now, that was the lowest I had ever felt. I had never felt so incapacitated. They were right. I wasn’t jobless, her father was, I was just on maternity leave with no pay, and I was FORCED to return to work 2 weeks after my first child was born due to the pressures placed on me by people who certainly had the capacity to help me in my time of need, Look, absolutely no shade now, because without the battles I faced, both while pregnant and after, I would not be  resilient. In the end, it is absolutely fine that no one wanted or intended to help. At the end of the day, it was my decision to keep the baby. I say no one wanted to help, but I can 100% say thank you to my nan and pop (by marriage so not even blood) because they did so much for me in that first month of my daughter’s life. So THANK YOU to them! When I write, you’ll notice I do get a little off track. My apologies, but you have to understand that the little part of your brain that controls emotions?? Mine is broken. Written on paper, signed by a psychiatrist, I’m mental sometimes. I think clearly, but I don’t always react to things clearly. I am extremely sensitive in most situations, and it’s hard to focus on the good things when there’s been so much fucking bad. The purpose of this post, though, isn’t sad. I’m just trying to outline for you the reason I feel the way I do.  I met my partner on February 22, 2012. and that same year, I got pregnant with my first child. Her father went back to his home country and during that time, cheated. Again, no shade, He was 16, and even if he was older, hes really not the settle down type, so honestly, not surprised, and he lied about that too. Tried to say he didn’t for nearly 4 years. He’s really not a bad dude because of that, but I chose to ignore all of that and stay regardless of how broken I felt.  So of course, though I met my partner then, we went separate ways for a loooonnnggg time. I spent time over seas with my daughter’s father, my partner spent 3.5 years with someone who should never have been with him because she didn’t reflect his beliefs and values. We never really forgot each other, due to a kiss shared, but we did just... fall apart as friends... as anything. Fast forward to 2017 and my daughter’s father and I moved back to Tasmania. We were waiting for my mum to finish work and it just so happened that my partner worked at the same place as her. He was walking down the street with his girlfriend at the time and all I could see was him. I will admit that it was probably wrong of me to instantly feel that attraction again, and it wasn’t like I could exactly hide it either. My cheeks were instantly flushed, my thighs were instantly warm. I didn’t really know what came over me, but I just stared at him the whole time while his deep voice just rumbled on about life and meeting up and catching up and all I could think was “For as long as you’re with her, it will not happen.” Not only did I know this girl, I did not like her one bit. I think she caught on to my gaze. She looked angry. Between you and me ... I think that’s just her face. Whatever jut happened there, I ignored it for months. Months. Months. Though I did randomly think about him and ask my mum about him. She always said he asked about me and told her to tell me to stop being a stranger, but how the hell could I do that? His girlfriend and him broke up in November 2017, and I still ignored that burning desire to speak to him.  Finally, I caved. On February 2, 2018 I messaged him at 12 am.  Now I will throw some shade on myself. I broke up with my daughter’s father on February 15,2018 and I began a committed relationship with my partner on February 22, 2018 - 6 years after the first day I met him on the dot. A bit of shade, because I have always tried to hold myself to a higher standard and for about 10 years before this relationship commenced, I fell short of my own personal goals and values, I fell short of being  a decent human being for a long time. I know that previous to this relationship, I hurt a lot of people, and I deeply apologies for my actions that resulted in the pain that some people feel. To be fair, I did receive some help from a psychiatrist and I got on the road to getting better, though the little part in my brain will never be fixed. The psychiatrist did say it will probably never get better, but I can work around it and try to think clearly before making decisions or reacting certain ways. I am a work in progress, but I am still human and make mistakes. Regardless, I brought my daughter into the life of someone else, and for the people that really know me, they should know that it was a massive step for me to trust someone else with her life, but we worked slowly in integrating their lives and never forced interactions with him on her, but it only took a few times of being near him and my daughter loved him, too. It was not long at all. a month and a half to be exact, when we found out that we were going to have a baby together.  We moved fast, but in a sense that, we knew full well every detail about each other’s lives, we understood and explained every issue that we had and how we would work together to resolve every detail that needed to be resolved. I loved that I went from being broken, to being mended by the trust and loyalty that he instilled in me from day one.  We got through some really tough stuff, through the loss of family, not by death but by insignificant actions of others, we got through (very minimal) arguments, we got through behavioral issues of a 5 year old and decreased fetal movement. The most daunting thing we got through was the birth of a beautiful baby girl that was birthed unresponsive, but she took her first breath within a minute or so and to this day we find it difficult to look back at her birth, but we look at her now, 9 months later and are absolutely blessed by an angel that she is here.  We got through an intense move all the way from Tasmania to Brisbane, and we got through our first 6 months successfully. So to end this blog, I guess I will just say, here is to the 534 days left to go until I marry my best friend and the person I didn’t know I loved 2,752 days ago.