#i should get a diagnosis for me not for her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dandy-lad · 1 month

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#i need to be away from here #gott i just...#im autistic right just fyi #and my mum does not treat me as if i were #like she has neurotypical standards for me which i have to meet otherwise there will be Bad Consequences #and this is killing me bc im not neurotypical #the only way she'll treat me as autistic is if i get officially diagnosed #which i kinda want but also dont want #and its just. she's. gott my relationship with her is so complicated but shes caused me so much hurt and trauma and pain and #thats what im feeling right now. that.#i should get a diagnosis for me not for her #but i dont think i can survive in this environment for much longer #i told my dad i might try get diagnosed (havent talked to him about autism before) n he was like “okay”#pretty much verbatim #which is realistically the best response i couldve had #then he went on a rant about how autism “didnt exist” in the past and how its caused by vaccines #and this drug which apparently helps with autism and when i said No im not doing that i dont want to be “cured” this is a thing that #shouldnt be cured he was like ??? then whyd you want a diagnosis #hhhh but that i can deal with. after 4 years of being subjected to his and my mums conspiracy theory bullshit i can put up with it #at first it really stressed me out but i can cope with it now and come up with well thought out and factual grounded counter arguments #n i told my mum that dads fine with me getting a diagnosis n then i asked her if when i get one she'll treat me as if i were autistic #and she laughed and was like wait until you get one #like she doesn’t think i am which shows how Fucking Little she knows about me and how much i have to hide from her #because shes always shouted at me for Every Autistic Trait i display #im never fucking good enough for her #she treats me and percieves of me as if im neurotypical and Im Not #i remember once (after something happened) i heard her shout “WHY CANT I HAVE FUCKING NORMAL CHILDREN” or something like that #that sticks with you.#that shit hurts and sticks with you #who gave this woman two queer autistic mentally ill children to raise who's fucking plan was that

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bananonbinary · 2 months

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as a certified Diagnosed Autist(TM) i cannot stress enough that i am not only pro- self-diagnosis, but also pretty anti- legal medical diagnosis. it is, at best, a cruel hoop we have to jump through so privileged people will deign to give us what we need. don't fucking do that shit unless you have to, it was disgustingly expensive, fucking humiliating, infantilizing, and dehumanizing, and would probably actively cause problems in my life if i didn't have some really good allistic (-passing) people in my corner and also wasn't so fucking disabled that it mostly doesn't matter.

literally get that diagnosis if you need it for job/school accessibility shit or SSI or whatever, and otherwise dont tell the government SHIT about yourself. there is zero good reason for them to want that information. that's between you and the people you want in your life.

#as a side note: this goes for gender too #dont fucking get a special marker on your passport or whatever #trying to get ssi has made me realize how deeply cruel the system is #never reveal any vulnerability you have unless it's absolutely necessary #do not do this stuff for validation the government is not your friend and you should seek emotional fulfillment elsewhere #hm this post turned out a lot angrier than i meant #guess i'm still mad about how awful the process was #it wasnt even long it was just. so *impersonal.*#this woman talked to me for two hours. went down a fairly bigoted checklist.#didnt ask me my own opinion on much of anything. and then declared a bunch of her impressions as if they hold weight just bc shes allistic #like how i have 'identity issues' (am trans and dont want a romantic partner)#and thats just. my permanent record of diagnosis! this two hour conversation with a stranger! she doesnt fucking know me #we paid like $500 for that

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july-19th-club · 1 year

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me age seven being sat down in front of the school’s district child psych lady and being given strange, simple spatial puzzles to solve and then long, complicated worksheets and hammering my way through them at the speed of light while having zero comprehension what their purpose was or why i was here: this is urgent! i have to get a good grade in Weird Puzzles, Or Else, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

#kjalkjsdalkjasdl mrs button was a nice lady but not one adult in my childhood ever seemed to notice what to me now seems like #a pretty obvious case of the autisms #then again maybe they just didn't look as hard unless it was *really* obvious back then . it was like. what. 2000? a couple years later #everybody was talking about autism but not when i was six or seven then it was usually just when it was Very Visible #a couple years later my cousin who's more visibly on the spectrum than me got her diagnosis so young that she's pretty much always had it #which is...well i think it's just made her life difficult in a different way. people underestimate her or don't treat her like she's her age #but then she's always had the opportunity to get accommodations and people are sometimes more forgiving when she can't do something #whereas i got labeled 'kid that should be ahead of the game' from a pretty young age and then when i struggled adults either ignored it #or it was just a huge hassle to them and even i could see it exasperated them to have to work around me #but because mrs button (nice lady but what were you thinking) hadn't told them to treat me like a kid with a developmental disorder #they didn't do that in good OR bad ways . so i never got any accommodations with school stuff i struggled with which was a fair bit #i wasn't supposed to need extra testing time in a quiet room or tutoring with math or help organizing my abysmally scattered things #the only time i DID get that was in sixth grade when i was sort-of friends with this kid jonathan who was Very On The Spectrum #he wasn't really a talker unless it was about whatever he was reading which suited me fine so we just kind of existed in each other's space #and his TSS was this very smart and nice lady who had clearly clocked that Something Was Going On With Me and even though it wasn't like #her JOB she made a little bit of time for me. mostly with emotional stuff (i think i was under the impression she was a therapist?)#but if i had some problem with being unable to keep friends or being frozen out by the kids i wanted to be liked by (happened often)#she'd be able to just like. be there she'd make the time . wish i could remember her name

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kaurwreck · 15 days

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I cannot relate when people talk about being unable to distinguish comorbid symptoms, at least not to the same degree. I have mine fairly parsed, including where they overlap and exacerbate each other, in part because of how aggressively I've pursued treatment while also staggering it in such a way that allowed me and my psychs to identify the separate disorders.

#this isnt anti self diagnosis either #i correctly self diagnosed before getting actually diagnosed #idk i approached my mental health treatment like a virgo enneagram one for lack of a more succinct way of saying #“aggressively and with a hyperfocus on self improvement”#sometimes i assume what im doing is average and then my mental health team reminds me that no i am Atypical #i will never forget telling my therapist i should stop saying im built different #and her replying with “normally i would agree but... well....”#also im CONSTANTLY learning new things about myself and my conditions #this isnt to imply i have everything figured out #if im ever not learning anything new about myself then im stagnating #nor is it like implying there's a right or wrong way to go about this sort of thing #it's just an observation and an admission that i often cant relate to a lot of posts and convos even about my specific diagnoses #the amount of times people with my same illnesses have attempted to neurotypical karen me or who have implied i dont really have them #is Many #like more than youd think and in both irl and online spaces #generally over innocuous things but all because they dont think im expressing my illnesses right #and the fact of the matter is ive had medical professionals tell me that while my symptoms are textbook - how i express them isnt always #it's a neutral observation but one that sometimes leaves me like a little out of my depth in more general convos about mental illnesses

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ipusingularitae · 4 months

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my mom: just because you have a hard time with flexibility and the way you do your stuff, that doesn't mean that the world will stop and just bend to your needs and wants so you have to adapt and learn

me: ... okay

*some time later*

my mom: look you have you way of doing stuff and i have my way of doing stuff, I'm not going to change how i do stuff and if you don't like it I'll get annoyed and I'll scold you and be irritated with you the whole day

me: 🤡🤡

#i mean i have to change my ways but you can't??? oh okay #like i know that it's like that since i was younger i grew up with this type of dynamic in the house #but now SHE says it out loud how i have to learn and be more flexible bc she already knows ab my autism diagnosis #and she literally scolds me for not understanding stuff that GUESS WHAT i literally have a hard time understanding #and then when i ask her to do some little thing differently she gets annoyed and lectures me like she wasn't the one to impose her ways-#-around for what... 20+ years #and the hypocrisy makes me so fucking mad #if you aren't going to change then why should i?????#if i need to change and be more flexible why can't you?????#personal #life stuff #autism related

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iloveyoumorethansoup · 5 months

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Today I learned that essays and written work isn’t that hard. I just have adhd

#not in the funny haha quirky way #as in. I’m finally getting a diagnosis and got to try adderall and what would usually take me a week to write I wrote in 7 hours #it’s not that bad when you don’t write a sentence and go god I hate this! and take a 40 minute doom scroll break #like. thank god there’s something that works!! definitely made me nauseous and kinda gave me a headache. head might’ve been from no sleep #i finished out the semester #and still helped my ex study til one after 2 huge assignments #that’s crazy. usually I can’t form a sentence after 1 #i was able to just. do stuff #thought. i should quit doom scrolling. and just closed the app??#and this is a normal thing people can just do #which sounds so fake but also. man. screw that. ur telling me that if someone when I was younger actually referred me to get tested I could #have had this sooner?? that I didn’t have to suffer for 20 years first???#it’s a really weird feeling. my head was just quiet. no loud obnoxious thoughts. when something did cross my mind I easily pushed it away #i was even more creative. i had ideas and I remembered them long enough to write down. it didn’t just slide right off #i didn’t go oh god my room is a mess I cannot work if the vibes are off #i didn’t even need music #i just up and worked #my ex kept popping in my room and laying down with me and I didn’t immediately jump into bed with her and take a 5 hour nap #i was able to talk to her and do work #and get up and sit with her for a little and go back to work #this is like. genuinely life changing #now I just need to find a good dose #probably not til January. i don’t need meds if #no. no. i definitely don’t function in general. i was gonna say I’m fine until there’s homework #and then I remembered laundry #however I still can’t do anything til I get back from Christmas break cause I gotta go thru my college #but there’s hope! next up is anti depressants #soup talks

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toasteaa · 1 year

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Making a funkin,, blanket nest and letting the thoughts consume me

#toast talks #I am not sick but I am not well #a secret third thing (under diagnosis)#looking at all my blorbos and getting blushy about them idk what's wrong me #I found a new amigurumi pattern and I have a lot of yarn so heehoo time for plushies #a pattern that actually looks nice I should say and allows for articulation #Gonna make Paimon first because I love her

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spocksgotemotions · 2 years

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y’all wanna hear something really fuckin funny apparently the special ed teacher at my elementary school told my mom multiple times that she should get me tested for autism cause I was probably on the spectrum, but my mom never did it. And then failed to mention this to me when I told her I thought I might be autistic. What the fuck mom

#captain’s own #dumb bitch hours #admittedly she was told this before she got her degree for special education so her excuse is that she didn’t know #(Although her good friend who had a degree in it and worked as a teacher for autistic children told her that she should get me tested)#anyways last night my mom said to me “Maddie you’re definitely on the spectrum”#I’ll probably never get an official diagnosis but it feels very nice to have someone confirm what I thought I knew #even if I’m mad because she didn’t tell me sooner

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commander-damneron · 1 year

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My EDS work buddy got her official diagnosis 🎉🎉🎉

#very happy for her and also unsurprised bc her joints are waaay unstable #like im used to existing right on the line between hsd and heds #and if people ask me I'll usually advise they get it looked into if their hypermobility is noticably worse than mine #when i went through the thumbs and pinkies with her they went concerningly far past the point they need to for a positive beighton score #and she mentioned she's dislocated joints multiple times in the past year #so i was just like. you. you said you're intending to get a drs appointment asap right? cool yeah you should definitely do that #but yay diagnosis and also then realising that a bunch of other issues you didn't think were related are 100% because of that

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wtf-amiru · 2 years

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pray for me as I assemble a full fucking binder for my dr appointment in 3 weeks

#i'm gonna push for treatment surgery a new diagnosis AND disability #because if i get that 3rd diagnosis #i basically live in a perpetual cycle of not being functional at all bc the 3 of them feed off each other #i am useless at work but thankfully my boss isn't expecting a lot from me #this job is basically for this appointment so i can have a boss on record saying #no she's useless most of the time and can't work despite her best efforts #so hopefully i can get disability leave until the surgery at the very least #and that should help with my 2 other diagnosis bc i won't be as stressed #maple rambles #maple is full of anxiety #-_-

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beachboysnatural · 2 years

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Hate hate HATE being genuinely terrified of bugs

#like okayyyy could i not have picked something better?? no.#apparently not.#i get phantom 'bug crawling on me' feelings that are either my imagination or my hair #and those are not fun!!#i also have that thing where i see bugs out of the corner of my eye but they aren't actually there. more fun!!#and i have expressed this fear and only when i got the autism diagnosis did my parents take it seriously #because they went 'oh it's an Autism Thing and not just her being wimpy so we should take this seriously'#which is a whole other can of worms. but i digress.#i know our pipes are old and i know the ants come from the drain #but instead of traps that aren't working and vinegar spray could we pLEASE research something else #like i don't want to be scared to go to the bathroom in my own house! actually!!#spiders are worse though i'd take ten ants on my foot over a spider #WELL.#persannal

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oetscop · 2 years

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more random childhood neglect thoughts. within the last month ive been (re???) diagnosed with ocd and also crohns. i originally wasnt going to go through with an autism diagnosis because its damn near impossible when youre an adult and also (technically) a woman. and id have to seek out another specialist and i just. frankly dont want to do that lmao

but after talking with my pcp (who heard me talking abt ibs and was like thats absolutely not fucking ibs) shes like pretty convinced i have dyspraxia. which makes sense i mean i have adhd and im probably on the spectrum

but i never considered it. i didnt learn how to tie my shoes until i was like. 8. and its not even like..the normal way. and it always takes me a fucking long time. and i never thought anything of it. bc nobody fucking taught me how. everyone around me just KNEW. and i was keeping mine tied and just slipping my shoes on. literally a teacher taught me when i tied my shoes together one time and like was shocked that i didnt know how to fix it.

so like. who even knows. like what if thats something i wouldnt have struggled with if someone just told me how to do it? i dont fucking know.

the older i get the more resentful i am.

#hvisker fra likhuset #ill probably delete this post later idfk #also the last time i tried to get an autism diagnosis i got kicked out of the office early #dude said id be there for two hours #and he just #told me i ticked all the boxes for autism #but didnt want to move forward #after 45 minutes #and i had to walk all the way across town to get home in the pouring rain #if my mom just gave a fuck and took me somewhere as a little kid #when i was absolutely not normal developmentally whatsoever #i have to wonder how like. how different id be #bc school sucked #and instead of thinking maybe we should like take her somewhere #i just got called stupid and lazy and got put into special schooling #which destroyed my already abysmal social skills #plus i was home alone like #for weeks at a time #like for all of high school #which was great at rhe time sure but who leaves a fucking suicidal 15 year old home alone for weeks #when she cant even cook for herself #fuck sake #i dont know

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mars-ipan · 2 years

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that doctor post i just rbed is making me think abt how when i described my life-inhibiting anxiety and depression (the symptoms not the illnesses) to the doctor at my wellness check she started off by giving me breathing exercises and encouraging me to keep my physical health as good as i can i.e. sunlight and hydration and exercise. and like don’t get me wrong that IS good advice but i’ve literally been working on that for years lmao. thank god for my mom who explained that A.) i know all of this and B.) i’ve been to therapy before. thank you mom for making sure i’m not also diagnosed in my 30s :))

#i hated talking abt my brain shit to a doctor btw #the one cool thing that happened was her validating that my tic is an actual tic #(and then going ‘not a tourrettes type of tic but one brought on by anxiety’#yes i know ma’am)#it was so funny i’d be like ‘yeah i study psych as a hobby so i know i’m probs a bit of a hypochondriac but i wanna get checked out #bc i do have actual notable symptoms + a colorful family history so. safety first :)’#and she was just like ‘cool! here’s a nifty breathing exercise. also i appreciate how clearly you communicated all that’#which was actually a nice compliment bc i spent a LOT of time rehearsing getting help in my head #but at the same time like. miss doctor i do the breathing exercises and the sunlight and the water and the friendship and the sleep #can’t complain too much tho. i did get a list of referrals :)#eternally fucking grateful to my mother for supporting me so hard with all of this #my dad is hesitant to get me to see a psychiatrist bc he has an aversion to pills #i’m not even at the point of prescription i’m looking for diagnosis #but my mom should go to bat for me there. probs bc she’s the one who’s taking psych pills #i understand my dad’s worries- you don’t wanna see a surgeon if a chiropractor will fix it just as well #but like. the surgeon can let me know if anything is more deeply wrong. a chiropractor can say ‘this may be bigger’ but they also might not #yanno. i’d love to go back to therapy but i think also putting some words to my brain shit will help a lot too #he’s offered getting me to a therapist before a psychiatrist and i’m just like. why not… both lmao #why not see a therapist. AND a psychiatrist #that conversation ended with me walking away so i wouldn’t yell at him whoops #we never resolved that. note to self #when my dad and i disagree on psych stuff it can get dicey sometimes #yes he learned abt it in college but he was a dropout and reading the dsm III.#i have less experience but i do have some experience and it’s more recent #we both like jung tho. jung rules great dude

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roseband · 2 years

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ugh so i got a call from my cardiologist, and im not having the echo today only the initial consult......... and like now im going to need yet another fucking visit cause of the “the joint doctor cannot request the echo the heart doctor has to request the echo” stupidity, and UGH ??? aNNOYING >.<

#personal #this isn't even an america thing this is like... something that seems to happen to everyone everywhere with these stupid 'abnormal'/'rare'#conditions like... can i just d*e tho bc the america specific thing is that THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE WHEN I WAS TWO #if hillary had gotten her healthcare bill thru in bill's administration it would have been done when i was two #<3<3<3 #which is why the 'left' lies about healthcare in this shithole country PERSONALLY makes me so ANGRY #like they couldn't even get preexisting conditions coverage through in the 90s because this country FUNDAMENTALLY hates disabled people <3 #(and it's not like i could prevent my 'preexisting' issues cause i have a GENETIC condition.....#can't personal responsibility yourself out of being born with some stupid mutant gene affecting a protein (need to find out which still))#((if you shit on obamacare and fall for republican lies on why it needs to be repealed for the 'young and healthy' i will personally #hunt you down and strangle you with my abnormally long and skinny fingers that are part of my dumb diagnostic criteria))#BUT the ping pong is expected this ping pong happens EVERYWHERE with 'zebra' conditions LOL #i didn't even get a 'if you hear hoofbeats think horses not zebras' i got a 'dude u fucking have EDS you've never seen a cardio wtf'#once again if i tick tick boom jonathan larson style i've already told my family to sue LOLOLOL.....#(then again with a tentative hEDS diagnosis if i came into a hospital with a cardiac incident they'd immediately echo me...#so i wont jonathan larson BOOM)

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firkant-fugl · 1 month

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I don't remember if I've written it but I love Maggie so FUCKIN much and she's SO autistic coded and I love that so much 😭💜😭💜😭

#AND ZOLA #ZOLAAAA #I remember when she was just a baby and now she's like thirteen and she's so smart 🥹#The conversation in s19 e3 about her “giftedness” was interesting #I realise that the whole. Diagnosis? And label of “gifted” is a very US centric thing #Because I've never heard of it being used in actual formal medical contexts in any other country #And so their conversation abt her “giftedness” is really weird to me #It's like a weird euphemism for autism and autistic traits #Like. Maggie (my sweetheart. My Blorbo.) very often talks abt being a perfectionist and a stickler for rules #She loves rules and systems and routines!!! And she gets upset when those are changed!!!#And she's so clever and also doesn't have the strongest social skills #(that last part is relative considering its a TV show and her character is charismatic)#And then when she talks to Amelia about seeing her own young self in Zola #I'm like “oh. Yeah. Yeah Zola is autistic just like her auntie Maggie.”#To be fair Zola could also be ADHD and Maggie could be AuDHD I mean I'm just speculating lmak #As an adhder I can only speak from my own understanding of my own mind #And I'm pretty sure I'm not AuDHD though I'm open to changing my mind should the information be there #Anyway I love Grey's Anatomy and I love how much it's developed over the years #Season 19 is being so good to me #Grey's Anatomy

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everhoods · 2 months

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i want kristina to stand up for herself but her internal struggle as being seen as agressive due to her diagnosis and status as a black girl... kill me

#jesse.txt #i am in agony over my characters that havent done anyuthing yet #i think a lot abt rep as scrupulosity but also as being a minority ESPECIALLY when a lot of the ppl i now irl are white #and i keep bouncing back and forth on her having psychosis but i really want her to have that part of me #im also thinking of putting in a bit about over diagnosis with psychotic disorders but idk #theres a lot to work out and i should wait til i get there??? but i just worry a lot abt my characters having schizospec disorders #while also being minorities. i dont get to think abt this often since i dont have many other ppl to talk to abt this.#i guess an answer is to make everyone psychotic in some form. easy choice. or sand away everything and make them all palatable for yt lgbts #idk i might talk to omari or astro abt this #but if u have any interest in giving me input i can talk abt story beats #preferably over discord tho i fuckin hate tumblr chat

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