#i should make a tag for encouragement/nice stuff...

[simplypaisleyjane]

Chasing You

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Female OC Avery Simpson

Summary: At The Hard Deck Jake Seresin spots a stunning woman who he has no business getting involved with. But he doesn’t know that yet. When he figures out her father is an admiral, his interest only deepens. But she’s not as easily impressed as Jake may have hoped. Will he win her over? Or will the chase be more than he bargained for?

Part 2 is HERE

Warnings: I don't think there are any :)

Tags: I want to thank @mynameismckenziemae for supporting me and encouraging me to post this! If you haven't yet, definitely check out her stuff!

Also tagging @djs8891 @khouse712 @withahappyrefrain @86laura11 because it seemed like you may have been interested based on the Ask on McKenzie's page! (If you'd like to not be tagged just let me know!)

The Hard Deck was filled with it’s usual noise, a mix of laughter, clinking glasses, and the soft background music coming from the jukebox. Jake Seresin leaned against the far back wall, beer in hand, casually scanning the room figuring out who he wanted to spend his evening talking to.

His gaze stopped when he caught sight of a woman leaned against the bar, sipping her drink and talking to Maverick and Penny near the corner of the bar. She laughed, her smile lighting up the space, and Jake’s interest was instantly piqued.

“Hey, Bradshaw,” Jake nudged Bradley with his elbow, tilting his head towards the bar. “Who’s that?”

Bradley glanced over his shoulder, following Jake’s line of sight. When he spotted Avery Simpson, a knowing grin spread across his face. “Oh her?”

“Yeah, her,” Jake said, curiosity laced in his tone. “She’s gorgeous. You know her?”

Bradley turned full toward Jake now, pretending to consider the question. “Actually, I do. She’s real sweet.” He paused just long enough to make Jake suspicious before adding, “I think you should go talk to her.”

Jake raised an eyebrow, clearly weighing the risks. “You serious?”

“Oh absolutely,” Bradley replied, his voice laced with mock encouragement. “She’s single. And you’re you, right? What could possibly go wrong?” He tipped his glass, hiding the grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

Jake chuckled, straightening his shoulders. “You’re not wrong, Rooster. Wish me luck.”

Bradley raised his glass in a silent toast. “Oh, you’re gonna need it,” he muttered under his breath, watching as Jake strode across the bar like a man on a mission.

As Jake approached, her laughter died down, and she turned slightly. She met his gaze with curious eyes. Penny and Maverick exchanged a glance, their conversation stalling as they took notice of Jake’s approach.

“Hey,” Jake started, his signature drawl turned up to full charm mode. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but I couldn’t help noticing you from across the room. I’m Jake.”

Avery arched an eyebrow, her expression friendly but cautious. “Avery,” she replied simply. “Nice to meet you, Jake.”

Before Jake could respond, Maverick spoke up, his voice casual but carrying just enough weight to make Jake pause. “Hangman, you do know who her father is, right?”

Jake’s grin didn’t falter—much. “No,” he said confidently. “Should I?”

“Probably,” Maverick replied, leaning back with a smirk, “he’s sitting over there.”

Jake’s eyes flicked in the direction Maverick gestured. Admiral Beau “Cyclone” Simpson sat at a table, his expression unreadable. But his gaze firmly on Jake.

Jake turned back to Avery, his confidence shaken slightly but not broken. “You know,” he said with a sheepish laugh, “I think I left my beet at the pool table. Don’t go anywhere.”

Avery smirked as he retreated. Back at the pool table, Bradley was doubled over absolutely dying. His laughter barely contained as Jake smacked him on the shoulder.

“You’re a real piece of work, Rooster.” Jake muttered.

“Worth it,” Bradley managed to say between laughs. “You retreating already, Bagman?”

“Retreat?” Jake scoffed watching as Avery went back to her conversation. “Nah, Rooster. I’m just regrouping.”

Bradley’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh yeah? And what exactly is the plan now?”

Jake’s smirk widened into something almost wicked as he turned back towards the bar, fixing his collar and brushing his fingers through his hair. “Simple. I’m going to get her number.”

Bradley barked out a laugh, nearly spilling his drink. “You’re serious?”

“Dead serious.” Jake started toward her again, then stopped to look back at Bradley who’s smirk was now full blown.

Bradley shook his head half in disbelief and half in amusement. “This is going to end so badly, and I can’t wait to see it.”

As Jake approached a second time Avery sighed inwardly, though a small smirk tugged at her lips. He was persistent, she’d give him that. She had half expected him to give up once he realized who her dad was. She’d assumed the excuse about leaving his beer was him tucking his tail between his legs.

“Back already?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jake leaned against the bar, flashing her a confident grin. “Couldn’t stay away. Hard to ignore someone as beautiful as you.” He said smoothly.

Avery rolled her eyes but couldn’t entirely suppress the faint blush that threatened to creep up her neck.

“Is this your usual routine? Flash a smile, throw out some compliments, and hope for the best?”

Jake chuckled. “Depends. Is it working?”

“Not even a little,” she shot back, though there was an undeniable flicker of amusement in her eyes.

Jake took that as a win. “Good. Wouldn’t be worth if if it were easy.”

She turned back to Maverick and Penny, a clear dismissal. If he was just looking for a quick lay for the night he could find it with someone else. But instead of walking away, Jake stayed put, like he had all the time in the world. 

“Still here?” Avery asked without looking at him. “Let me guess, you’re one of those pilots, aren’t you?”

Jake’s grin widened. “Guilty as charged. And you? Let me guess…Cyclone’s daughter?”

She finally looked at him, eyes narrowing slightly. “If you already knew that, why are you still here?”

Jake shrugged, gaze unwavering. “Because you’re gorgeous, and I don’t scare off that easily. Besides,” he added with a wink. “I like a good challenge.”

Avery huffed a laugh, shaking her head. “Good luck with that.”

Jake laughed softly to himself, taking the hint for now. He walked back to the back of the bar where the pool tables were and stopped beside Bradley, who was watching the whole exchange with poorly hidden amusement.

“She shut you down, didn’t she?” Bradley asked, grinning.

Jake picked up his beer, taking a long sip. “She’s just playing hard to get.”

Bradley snorted. “She’s not playing, man. She’s actually hard to get.”

Jake glanced over his shoulder at her, catching the way she smiled at something Maverick said. A genuine, soft smile, not the guarded one she’d given him. His smirk softened just a fraction as he turned back to Bradley.

“Even better,” Jake said, leaning against the bar. “That just means she’s worth it.”

Bradley raised an eyebrow, surprised by the sincerity in Jake’s tone. “You’re really not giving up, huh?”

Jake’s smirk returned, but there was a glint of something more genuine in his eyes. “Not a chance.”

A few weeks later The Hard Deck was buzzing again. It was a typical Friday night, the kind where voices blended with the clinking of glasses, where the scent of salt and beer filled the air.

Jake Seresin sat at the bar, nursing a beer, laughing at one of Coyote’s terrible jokes, when his attention shifted.

Avery. She was outside, seated at a small table near the edge of the patio, absently twirling a straw in her drink as she stared out at the ocean.

And this time?

She wasn’t surrounded by Maverick, Penny… or her father.

Jake barely heard Coyote nudge him. “Hangman, you listening?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jake muttered, already rising to his feet.

Coyote followed his line of sight and smirked. “Oh, this should be good. You really gonna try this again? You know who her dad is, right?”

Jake didn’t respond. He just shot him a wink before making his way toward Avery.

Avery saw him approaching out of the corner of her eye and sighed. Of course he was coming over. It wasn’t like she hadn’t expected it, but she’d hoped that after the last time, he’d take the hint after the last time that she wasn’t interested.

“Evening,” Jake said smoothly as he slid into the seat across from her without waiting for an invitation.

Avery raised an eyebrow, leaning back in her chair. “What are you doing?”

Jake flashed that infuriatingly perfect grin. “Just keeping you company.”

Avery gave him a flat look. “Who said I wanted company?”

“Call it a hunch.” Jake was completely unfazed. “You looked like you could use someone to talk to. Or, you know, someone to distract you.”

Avery tilted her head, studying him. “Distract me, huh? And what makes you think you’re qualified for the job?”

Jake smirked, leaning forward slightly. “Because, darlin’, distraction is what I do best.”

Avery rolled her eyes, though she couldn’t entirely hide the flicker of amusement across her face. “You’re persistent, I’ll give you that.”

“Gotta be with someone like you,” Jake said, his tone softening slightly. “You’re not exactly making it easy for me, are you sweetheart?”

“My name’s not sweetheart. And why should I?” Avery shot back, arching an eyebrow. “You seem to like the chase.”

Jake chuckled, holding her gaze. “Maybe I do. But it’s not just the chase that’s got me sticking around.”

Avery blinked, caught off guard by the sincerity in his tone. For a moment, she didn’t know how to respond. 

Avery cleared her throat, reaching for her drink. “Well, if you’re expecting someone to go home with you, I’m not her. There’s a cute blonde at the bar in the pink dress that might be interested though.”

Jake grinned, leaning back in his chair. “Who said I was looking for someone to go home with me?”

Then, without another word, he stood, gave her a quick two-finger salute, and headed back to the bar.

Avery watched him go, shaking her head.

For the first time, she found herself wondering if maybe—just maybe—there was more to Jake Seresin than his charm and good looks.

The ocean breeze lost its appeal as the night wore on, and Avery found herself wandering back inside The Hard Deck, craving the warmth and the noise of the bar. She sidled up to the counter setting her empty glass down with a soft clink.

Penny caught her eye from behind the bar, smiling. “Refill?”

Avery nodded. “Just a soda, thanks.”

Penny grabbed the glass and began filling it, her movements practiced and smooth. As she waited, Avery’s gaze drifted across the room - right to Jake Seresin, who was leaning casually against the far end of the bar, laughing at something Coyote had said. 

Avery quickly looked away, but not before Penny caught the direction of her stare. 

“So,” she began, sliding the glass back over. “What do you think of him?”

Avery blinked, playing innocent. “Of who?”

Penny smirked. “Jake’s been orbiting you all night.”

Avery sighed, glancing down at her drink. “He’s… persistent.”

“That he is,” Penny agreed, leaning against the bar. “But he’s also not as one-dimensional as he might seem.”

Avery raised an eyebrow. “Meaning what? That he’s not just some cocky pilot who thinks he’s God’s gift to women? Because that’s what everyone around here is saying.”

Penny chuckled. “Oh, he’s definitely cocky. But there’s more to him. He’s loyal, sharp as a tack, and surprisingly thoughtful when he wants to be.”

Avery scoffed, though the words lingered. “Thoughtful, huh? Doesn’t seem like the type.”

Penny tilted her head. “Maybe you haven’t given him the chance to show you that side of him.”

Avery sighed again, fiddling with her straw. “To answer your question, he’s… fine, I guess.”

“Just fine?” Penny teased. “You were staring pretty hard for ‘just fine.’”

Avery flushed, quickly taking a sip of her soda. “I wasn’t staring.”

“Of course not,” Penny said, too amused. “But if you were, I’d say maybe it’s worth it to give him a chance.”

Avery rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress the small smile tugging at her lips. “We’ll see.”

Penny winked before moving on to another customer.

From the corner of her eye, Avery caught Jake glancing in her direction. His grin widened when their eyes met. Avery quickly looked away, cursing the heat rising to her cheeks.

Maybe Penny was right. Or maybe she just wasn’t ready to find out yet.

Avery was halfway through her soda when she glanced over again, catching Jake mid-laugh with Coyote. He leaned back against the bar, looking so relaxed and self assured that it almost annoyed her. Almost.

When his gaze shifted, Avery’s stomach flipped. Jake’s grin stretched wider as if he could see right through her. She quickly looked down, pretending to focus on the melting ice in her glass.

Moments later, she caught movement out of the corner of her eye.

“Need a refill?”

Avery looked up to find Jake standing beside her, one hand resting casually on the bar. His emerald green eyes sparkled with mischief, but there was something else there too - something that wasn’t as easy to dismiss.

Her first instinct was to brush him off again, but Penny’s earlier words echoed in her mind. Maybe she hadn’t given Jake a chance. Maybe she should.

“Sure,” she said finally, surprising even herself. She pushed the empty glass toward him. “Knock yourself out.”

Jake blinked, momentarily caught off guard by her agreement. Then his grin returned, slow and satisfied, like he’d just won a small victory.

“Coming right up,” he said, grabbing her. glass and heading back to the bar.

When he returned, he set the drink in front of her with a little flourish. “One soda. Extra ice, just how you like it.”

She raised an eyebrow. “And how would you know how I like it?”

He shrugged, leaning against the edge of the table. “Lucky guess…or I may have had some help from Penny.”

She couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped her. “Okay, Jake. You’ve got my attention. Now what?”

His grin softened into something more genuine. “Now I get to know you.”

Avery tilted your head, intrigued despite yourself. “And how do you plan to do that?”

Jake pulled out the chair across from you and sat down, his movements unhurried. “By asking you questions,” he said simply. “And, if I’m lucky, you might actually answer them.”

Avery sipped her drink, studying him. “Fine. Go ahead. Ask away.”

He paused for a moment, as if considering his options. Then he asked, “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t gotten the chance to yet?”

The question caught her off guard. It wasn’t what she had expected—not some flirty remark or shallow small talk, but an actual question. Thoughtful. Genuine.

She hesitated, then shrugged. “I don’t know. Travel, I guess. There’s a lot of the world I haven’t seen yet.”

Jake nodded, his gaze never leaving hers. “Any place in particular?”

“Greece,” she said, the word slipping out before she could stop it. “I’ve always wanted to see the islands. The history, the views… It just seems like it’d be beautiful.”

“It is,” Jake said, surprising you again.

“You’ve been?”

“Once,” he admitted. “A couple of years ago. Only for a few days, but it was incredible. The water’s so blue it doesn’t even seem real.”

For the first time, she found herself genuinely curious about him. “What were you doing there?”

“Just passing through on leave,” he said with a shrug. “But I’d go back in a heartbeat. Maybe next time I’ll stay longer.”

She cleared her throat, glancing down at her drink. “Okay, your turn. What’s something you haven’t done yet?”

Jake smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Convince you to let me take you out.”

She rolled her eyes, but there was no real heat behind it. “You were doing so well. Why ruin it?”

He laughed, leaning back in his chair. “Just being honest.”

For the first time, she found herself smiling back. Maybe Penny had been right. Maybe there was more to Jake Seresin than Avery had thought.

Note: This is my first time writing any fanfiction that's more than a paragraph or two. And is also my first time sharing or posting what I wrote so I would love to know what you guys think!

I am also considering maybe writing a second part of this that shows you finally giving Jake a chance if there's interest??

[narrycherries]

ivy: an incandescent glow

She just wants to have a fun night out, but Harry has a tendency to ruin things..

[part 2]

masterlist // ivy series

word count: 10.9k

warnings/tags: enemies to lovers, harry x fem oc, angst

Although the week had been quite packed with things at work, Ivy had decided that maybe it would be best if she did go out for the night. It would only be for a few hours, and Niall had assured her when he came over the other night for dinner that it would be a good time. Emma begged a few times, of course, and she didn’t want to admit to giving in to her, but she did.. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for her to go out, it had simply been a while.

“Is Niall riding with us?” She asked Emma when she popped in Ivy’s room to borrow a pair of earrings that would better match her outfit.

“No, he’s going with Zayn. They usually go early to meet with the owner and stuff.” She explained as she looked in the mirror, slipping the earrings into her piercing holes. “He might ride back.. I’m not going to drink very much, probably just one drink when we first get there. He’ll want to celebrate after and you know how he is.”

“He definitely doesn’t need to be in a driver’s seat.”

Emma sighed. “He doesn’t even need to do that when he’s sober. He pays horrible attention to the road.”

“Your dress is cute. I love the red on you.”

“Thanks! I love your skirt.. even though it covers your ass too much.” She joked with a grin.

Ivy rolled her eyes. “I don’t want my ass hanging out all the time.”

“When it looks that good.. you should.”

“Do I need to change?”

Emma smacked her lips and grabbed Ivy’s hand, knocking the makeup brush out of her grip. “Stop! You look perfect, Ivy, I’m only teasing because your ass is nice and mine is nowhere near as big.” A laugh fell from her lips as she wrapped her arms around Ivy. “You’re hot, girl.”

“Am not.” She huffed back, embracing Emma just as tight. “But thanks.”

“The skirt is hot. The style is cute on you, plus the sparkles on your shirt are going to shine so much in the bar. Like a disco ball.. all eyes on you, sugar.”

Ivy chuckled at Emma’s flattering statements. She was glad to have an encouraging friend like her. Before all the joking, she did have a thought or two about the skirt and the bright orange shirt covered in fake rectangular gemstones. The straps were thin, and the necklace was low but straight across, covering any opportunity for cleavage to show. It was definitely not a shirt someone would wear on a daily basis, but it was perfect for going out.

“Are you wearing heels?” Emma asked, looking down to see her shoeless feet.

“Probably the chunky ones with the straps, the black ones. Are you?”

She nodded back. “I’ll make Niall rub my feet tonight.”

Ivy snickered. “I’ll make you rub mine.”

“I mean, I will. You’re my best friend.. as long as you aren’t sweaty.” Emma’s lashes hit her cheek as she winked.

“Don’t you need to finish getting ready?” Ivy said as she turned back towards the mirror to work on her makeup.

Emma was notorious for being late, and it took everything in Ivy to wrangle her up and out of the door when they were going places together. Niall didn’t give them a specific time to be at the bar, but he did say when the band would start. Emma needed to get ready quick if they wanted to make it on time.

The car ride was full of quick conversations with random topics in between their performances of some of their favorite songs. They had hit a karaoke stage as a duo before, plenty of times, so they were confident in their list of songs. In between the belting and off key singing, they had a few longer talks. Emma asked if Ivy was nervous about going to a bar she’d never been to before, in which she said ‘no, I’m excited’ and then let Emma tell her all about the layout of the place.

“You said something about.. Niall celebrating after?”

Emma nodded as she kept her eyes on the road ahead of them. “They don’t play the entire night. Usually have about two hours until closing. Depends on if there’s any requests.”

“Requests?” Ivy lifted her brows, surprised by the seemingly popularity Niall’s crew had. “They must be really good?”

Although she had seen videos of Niall, she hadn’t seen any of his band. Emma didn’t really use social media a lot, so she never posted anything or shared posts about their shows. Ivy was going to be completely surprised by whatever was to come tonight. She knew it would be good though. If they could continue to book the same venue time and time again, then they must bring in a good audience.

When the silence rose between them, Ivy took the opportunity to look at Emma’s outfit. She was humming softly to the song playing on the radio as she drove, her concentration on the road and not on her friend’s gazing eyes. Emma had such pretty dark hair that Ivy thought was perfectly placed strand by stand on her head. It had a natural wave to it that was easy to style, whereas Ivy had to place heated curls into her long, straight hair whenever she wanted it to look cute. Emma had a slimmer build than she did, her legs were longer despite them being a similar height. No matter how hard she tried not to look, her eyes always naturally fell to catch a glimpse at the gap between Emma’s legs. She never looked at it in a weird way, like she was attracted to her, but in an envious way. When she stared down at her own thighs or burned holes through her mirror, she always frowned and swallowed harshly as her skin pressed together - the inside of her thighs always touching. It wasn’t the biggest deal to her, but it was noticeable in her eyes, so she assumed it was.. noticeable for everyone else. Emma had small boobs, but they fit perfectly on her frame. While Ivy had a small cup size, they didn’t necessarily match her body, she believed. Her hips were wider, her ass fuller - as Emma reminded her often - and her stomach was pudgy. She wasn’t skinny, nor tall and lanky. She was short, plump, and her thighs touched.. She never thought she was unattractive but she figured she wasn’t conventionally attractive, she didn’t possess those things that society craved and demanded of women.

Emma’s outfit tonight was perfectly sculpted to her slim body. The red dress had a satin finish to it as it draped carefully over her cleavage, the swell of her breasts peeking out just enough to keep someone guessing. Her tanned skin was littered with delicate gold jewelry - her signature flower ring on her right hand was accompanied by a few random ones, and a ruby necklace hung over her collarbones, Niall gifted that to her for Christmas.

Ivy was confident in her outfit for the night, she was comfortable in the articles of clothing. She was very used to wearing heels when going out, she believed they made the outfits even better, so her feet weren’t going to be hurting that bad later on. She thought her makeup was done nicely, a dark grey smokey eye with a shimmery white covering her lid and a pink nude gloss over her thick lips. Her lips, that was the one thing she was confident in each and every time she looked at her reflection. They were plump, full, and much thicker than the average person’s. She had been told several times that her lips would do wonders - although, she hadn’t gotten to that with anyone yet. She had kissed a few people, though, and they told her it was heavenly. She took the praise to heart and was proud of it. Her thighs might touch and her hair might dry straight, but she had pretty lips.. that would surely be enough to attract someone one of these days, right?

After a couple of minutes of silence, more than Ivy had realized, Emma spoke up. “Are you feeling okay?”

Ivy stuck her tongue out to wet her lips, smearing her lip gloss in the process. “Yeah. Why?”

Emma shrugged. “You’re quiet.. you seem like you’re thinking about something.”

“I’m fine, promise.”

They became quiet again. She knew that sometimes she became mute when she was anxious or thinking thoroughly about something, and she hated when people noticed or pointed it out. She wasn’t intentionally trying to be that way, it just happened. She assumed it was normal, but perhaps she did it too much?

“Ivy, if you’re worrying about your outfit, please don’t. You look hot. You always do.” Emma suddenly said, a smile laced in her words. “There’s gonna be guys dropping to your feet tonight, like they always do.”

“They don’t drop to my feet.” She huffed, pursing her lips at the thought. “They just want to hook up with me.”

Emma smirked. “It’s your ass, I’m telling you. They love it.”

“Emma, please.” Ivy was fighting back a chuckle.

“I promise, swear on every little thing, Ivy, your outfit is perfect and you look perfect.”

A weighted sigh escaped through her lips as she relaxed in the seat, her eyes shifting to look out of the window. “Thanks, Em.”

While Ivy had never been to the establishment they arrived at, she was no stranger to a bar or club setting. Emma no longer seemed to be worried or concerned about any lingering doubts Ivy might have about her outfit or how the night would go. They strolled to the door, hand in hand with giggles pouring from their mouths as Emma joked about how excited she was for what Niall was going to give her after the show. Apparently, performing gave him a boost of confidence, energy, and testosterone. Emma was not shy about telling every detail and making sure Ivy knew all the craziest parts.

“There’s a good bit of people here.” Ivy said as she raised her brows, looking at the good sized line forming to the door.

“Yeah, it’s always packed out. This is one of the best places around. Decent prices, good djs and bands, obviously.” Emma grinned at her own comment. “And the food is actually great. I never came before I got with Niall though.”

“Yeah, I’m kinda surprised we never popped in here during school.”

Emma’s smile turned to a smirk. “They couldn’t handle our karaoke performances.”

Once they paid the cover charge and made a quick trip to the restroom before getting settled anywhere, they headed to the bar, still hand in hand as they weaved through the crowd of people already dancing. Ivy took notice of the interior as they waited for the bartender to come over to them.

The place was pretty big for what it was. The main room had a large dance floor space, a stage lined the back wall. Apparently, the place always had live performers or guest djs. It used to be a small theater that was renovated - the seating ripped out to transform the venue, but the stage remained untouched. Along the left side of the huge open room were tables with booth style benches shaped in half circles. Most of them were already occupied, but she could tell it was more of a casual thing - instead of a ‘being seated and waited on’ space. There was a doorway close to the opposite end of the bar covered with a long, sparkling beaded curtain. The sign next to the door read ‘VIP’. She pursed her lips at the idea of this place being so popular that they had a special seating area. Her eyes darted to the bartender as she heard Emma start saying her order. Ivy ordered a drink consisting of rum and pineapple juice, intending to get something stronger later once the show started.

“Hey there, strangers.” A familiar voice called out over the music.

“Oh, hi, Niall!” Emma was cheerful as he sat down on the stool closest to them. They had been standing, though, not wanting to claim a seat at the bar. “What are you doing out here?”

He shrugged. “We’ve got a few minutes to kill. Getting started?” He nodded his head towards the drink in Emma’s hand.

“Yeah, just having one.. since you’ll be drinking whatever’s left at the bar later.”

Ivy laughed at their banter, which caught Niall’s attention. “I expect you, missy, to have fun tonight. I want everyone to experience how wild you can get.”

“I told her she needs to have fun!” Emma exclaimed, reaching over to grab Ivy’s elbow and give it a squeeze.

“I’ll have a few.. but I’m not going to go crazy.”

They both gave her a dramatic eye roll, Niall adding a huff to his reaction. “C’mon, Ivy, live a little!”

“Yeah, a little, not a lot.” She smiled back, amused by their mix of excitement and disappointment.

“I’ll make sure you have a few rounds of tequila later. On me, of course.” Niall said, looking from her to Emma. “If you don’t drink yours.. then I’ll take it, babe.”

“Are you guys doing requests tonight?” Emma changed the topic after shaking her head at him.

He slowly lifted his head in a nod. “From what I was told. As long as we know it.. we’ll play it.”

“Do my song, okay?” Emma begged with a pout of her lips.

He shaped a grin on his. “It’s on the set list, baby.”

“What kind of music do you play?” Ivy asked, genuinely curious about it. Emma hadn’t really given her much of an idea about what to expect, just a guarantee that she’d love it and have fun.

“Mostly rock.. We do a lot of nineties.. early two thousands songs. Bunch of classic rock, though. Little bit of grunge, dad rock.. if that’s what you wanna call it. Sometimes we branch out.. but mostly stick to that stuff.” Niall said as he stood from the stool, a sigh following his final words as he ran a hand through his puffed up dark hair.

“Time to get ready?” Emma pouted, her free hand slipping onto his waist.

“Yeah, gotta round up the lads.” He breathed out, his eyes focusing on Emma now. “I’ll be watching you, babe. Make sure ya dance for me, yeah?” He teased with a lick of his lips, which clearly fell downward to meet hers.

Ivy swallowed a sip of her drink and let her eyes move to the floor. She wasn’t grossed out by their display of affection, she just felt like she was intruding. Emma was always so open with her about the things she did with Niall and others before he came along, but she never had those kinds of stories to tell back to her. She had been with one person, the summer before university began, and it was terrible. Aside from that, kissing people was the extent of her experience. She enjoyed most of the times she had almost gone far with people, but it never got to that point.

Emma hugged Niall quickly as he said something about needing to go. When he disappeared in the crowd, Emma turned to face Ivy again.

“Niall might stay over tonight.” She said, taking a sip of her drink. “Just to let you know.”

“Alright, that’s fine.”

Emma slid her gaze around the room, taking in the familiar setting, before looking back to Ivy. “I hope you like the music. There’s a bunch of songs you definitely know on the set.”

“M’sure I will.”

“Are you good?” Emma smiled sweetly, not trying to pry or seem too nosy, but she noticed how Ivy had shied away from her and Niall just before he left.

“I’m fine. You worry too much.”

Ivy sighed lightly as Emma took her hand. “Maybe we can find you a hot guy tonight. I know you know how to use those lips.”

“Don’t say it like that!” Ivy laughed, covering her mouth as her cheeks blushed.

“Kissing, I mean! But I’m sure you can do the other stuff, too.” Emma just smirked, knowing that her attempt at making Ivy feel better was working.

They didn’t have to wait too much longer for everything to start. But as they stood next to the bar, partially resting on the stools, the place filled up to more than capacity. It was like a big name musician was in town. Emma told Ivy about the popularity of the bar again and how it was always sold out and packed floor to ceiling with people. She was very impressed by the crowd that had formed around them, and she wondered how much of that was just from the place’s atmosphere and how much was for the live show.

Just as the guy who was normally over the music appeared on the stage to announce that the show was about to begin, Emma grabbed Ivy’s hand and they shoved their way to the front of the crowd, not quite in the center but close enough. Emma wanted to be in front of where Niall would be standing. The lights dimmed, replaced with flashing colorful lights and white strobing flashes. Emma was cheering with the crowd while Ivy waited in anticipation. She was excited to see Niall perform live, but she was more interested in seeing the rest of the band.

A small group flooded the stage suddenly, instruments in a few of their hands, including Niall’s. The lights were purposely not flashing on to the stage yet, so it was too dark for her to tell. She thought she recognized the person getting behind the drum set, but she wasn't sure. Emma let out a piercing squeal as the show finally began.

Ivy happily smiled and started to sway her hips from side to side as a familiar opening instrumental of a song started to fill the room. The lights on the floor of the stage popped on, lighting up the band as the singer started the first verse of “Come As You Are”. She was nodding her head to the music as she watched Niall pluck the strings on the guitar, he was pursing his lips and seeming to be enjoying what he was doing. His eyes shot up and he gave them a quick grin before focusing back on the guitar in his hands and the microphone placed near his mouth. Emma had told her that he sings backup vocals sometimes, depending on the song. She let her eyes roam over the rest of the band. She kept getting a bright red light shot into her eye from one of the stage lights above them, so it was difficult to see at first.

“Oh, Zayn!” She yelled out over the music, hitting Emma on her arm. She hadn’t told her that he was in the band - in fact, she didn’t know much about the band at all.

There were two other people she didn’t recognize, one was a girl playing a keyboard and a guy with dark blond hair playing a bass guitar. Another gasp came from her as she finally got to clearly see the person tightly gripping the microphone. She truly didn’t expect to recognize more than just Niall and Zayn. There stood before her, in the middle of the stage with two big hands wrapped around the microphone and the top of the stand was a third familiar face. Sweat was already rolling down from his hairline, his long curly hair was messy on his head as he jerked around while singing. A white t-shirt hugged his body, sticking to him like glue, and a pair of dark jeans over his legs. The jet black ink of the snake tattoo stood out against his skin as the lights flashed over it, the creature wrapping perfectly around his arm. It was Harry.

The next song started almost immediately and it was another one that she recognized right off the top of the first note played. Ivy’s dad had a thing for rock music, and she knew the start of “Highway to Hell” like the back of her hand. She was impressed by the vocal range Harry was able to belt out into the microphone. Niall and the other guy she didn’t know the name of were singing the chorus with him. Emma was dancing like it was the actual band performing the song, but her behavior made Ivy more comfortable and soon she was doing the same.

Every now and then, Niall would flash them a toothy grin and give them a nod of his head, approving of their performance and dancing. Ivy was on her second drink, this one they grabbed soon after Niall left them and it was stronger than the first. She was feeling the blood rushing to her cheeks, and not from the dancing or close quarters of the crowd. It had been a while since she went out, so she was starting to feel that sensation flood through her - she wanted to have fun tonight.

For almost an hour, Ivy and Emma danced with each other, screaming out the lyrics they knew to different songs. They would do an impersonation of Niall every now and when he'd look towards them, air guitars and rock star head bangs acted out - all of which made him throw his head back and laugh. Like they usually did when they went out together, they’d grab onto each other and hug while singing or playfully run their hands down each other’s sides. It was all in fun, of course, and the alcohol contributed.

They both let go of their embrace as the music dialed down, twisting so they could face the stage. Niall was guzzling a bottle of water as Harry shoved his hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face. The bass player grabbed a stool from the back of the stage and brought it to Harry. Emma was familiar with this portion of the show, so she grabbed Ivy’s forearm to get her attention.

“I’m gonna get some water, do you want another drink?” Emma asked as she took a deep breath, exhausted from trying to outdo the performance on the stage.

“Yeah, get me another one of these.” Ivy nodded as she passed her empty cup, knowing she’d toss in the bin for her. Emma disappeared into the crowd to fight her way to the bar just as Harry adjusted the microphone stand and sat on the stool.

He was holding a bottle of water as he leaned into the microphone. “We’re gone slow it down for a bit.” His deep voice rattled through the speakers, a quick smirk shaping to his lips before he put the bottle to them.

Ivy couldn’t help but watch him as he swallowed half the contents of the bottle. It sloshed out, spilling over the corners of his mouth and running down his chin. Water droplets soaked and trailed down the fabric of his shirt. She was still so shocked by the fact he was the singer in Niall’s band. Maybe Emma just didn’t tell her because she knew they didn’t know each other. They met once, but they were strangers. He tossed the half empty water bottle on the ground, some of it spilled out since the top wasn’t screwed all the way on. His eyes roamed over the crowd as he grabbed the microphone. He glanced over his shoulder towards Niall, who gave him a nod and started up the next song.

Ivy had thoughts spinning in her head, the buzz from her drinks wasn’t helping her concentrate on just one thing. She wondered what songs they would do next. What kind of slower songs did they prefer to do? She figured it would be some of the same artists and bands they had covered thus far. Her eyes were glued to the floor, thoughts circling her mind at a hundred miles an hour. Had that second drink really been that strong or was she dizzy from being so close to the speakers?

She lifted her head the moment she realized what song was being played. She shot her gaze to Niall, then over to the bass guitarist. She knew those chords better than any other song that existed. All those running thoughts vanished in her head as Harry’s voice dropped low with the first verse of the song. The way he sang the words just as slow as they originally were done made her heart skip a beat. This song was special to her. This was something she wasn’t even sure Emma knew. She talked about losing her mom quite often with Emma, but her brother was a different story. And as his favorite song was being sung, she couldn’t help but feel a sadness creep over her joyful mood. All the energy she had jolting through her veins like lightning had slowed to a dull pulse. She gulped as she glanced next to her, Emma hadn’t returned yet. Niall was too busy focusing on the chords he was playing to give her any looks. She felt like she was about to pass out, not from the heat built up from the crowd or the alcohol in her system - but from the overwhelming feelings washing through her. Ivy’s strained blue eyes flicked to Harry, and for just a split second he locked his gaze on her. It was gone before she could understand what was happening. She was sure he didn’t notice her, and if he did then he didn’t recognize her or care to remember the glimpse of her face he got at the tattoo shop.

She thought maybe watching Niall would distract her, but witnessing him playing the music she so easily knew was making it worse. She wasn’t sure how long she had been standing there with her eyes glued to the floor. The song wasn’t over yet, that’s all she was sure of.

“Oh, this is new! They’ve never done this one before!” Emma suddenly appeared next to her, a smile over her lips as she passed Ivy the drink.

She turned her head, glad to see that her friend had returned but sort of upset that she left in the first place. Emma couldn’t have known what song was going to be next, clearly she was unaware of it, and she didn’t know the intense attachment Ivy had to it. She couldn’t blame Emma for anything.

“Thanks. I’m running.. to the restroom!” She yelled over the speaker that was extremely close to them.

Emma gave her a thumbs up and a quick ‘be careful’. Before Emma could drop her arm, Ivy was pushing her way through the crowd towards the restroom, well she actually wasn’t sure where she was heading. She had to get away from that stage. She had to disappear for a few minutes to collect herself. It wasn’t the performance that bothered her - Niall was amazing, as were the others playing instruments, and Harry was doing the song justice. It was just her mind. Sweaty bodies bumped into her as she elbowed through everyone. She felt like she was drowning in a sea of people. It was so loud in the place that her ears were ringing. She couldn’t even hear the music anymore, she was unaware the song had finished and a new one was being played. She broke through the crowd, sucking in a quick breath as she realized she was free of the constraints of people around her.

The restroom was close by, and she stopped just outside the door to chug the alcohol from the cup Emma had just brought her. It was gone within a few seconds. She didn’t care about the sticky drops landing on her chest or the few rolling down her lips, smudging her lip gloss and tracing light lines in her makeup. The bathroom was cold, arctic cold at that. It was a feeling of utter relief to be free of the music, the crowd, the lights.

She stumbled to the sinks, almost forgetting the height of her shoes. Her hands gripped the cold porcelain of the sink in the farthest corner of the bathroom. The fuzzy feeling in her head hadn’t faded yet. She stared at the sink bowl, the silver lined drain gazing back up at her. Ivy spent far longer in the restroom than she meant to.

After ten minutes of her being gone, Emma decided she was going to check on Ivy. She was in still in the restroom, and after Emma asked her several times if she was alright or feeling upset, they chose to return to the front of the crowd. Ivy convinced her friend that she was just having an upset stomach from the drinks, despite them stopping by the bar so she could get another before they got back to the stage. Emma didn’t think anything of it and just assumed that since it had been a while since Ivy had alcohol, maybe she really was just having a stomach ache.

The band continued on for a while longer, taking a few breaks here and there to drink water and take requests. Ivy considered submitting a song to Niall, but she was hesitant to. Besides, several other songs had been yelled out from the crowd, along with some people pushing their way to the front to the stage to call out a song title. She assumed this wouldn’t be the last time Emma drug her out to one of Niall’s shows, so she’d just request something next time. Instead of waiting around for the final song, she returned to the bar on her own and ordered a shot. The memories of her brother were faded by now, but she was determined to flood them out with alcohol. Tonight was supposed to be fun anyway, not filled with sadness.

Emma cheered loud for the band as they finished their last song and said a quick thank you to everyone. Ivy was perched on a bar stool, her eyes filling with stars as she stared at the bar, trying to stay awake. The usual dj returned to the stage to get the music going for the patrons of the bar. It was obvious that some people only showed for the live music because a good bit exited out the door once the set was over, but it was still a pretty big crowd in the building.

“Hey! There you are!” Emma shouted as she walked to the bar, her hand reaching out to take Ivy’s. “Feeling okay?”

“Yeah. Just got some water.” She presented a drunken smile as she held up the small cup of ice water.

“Good! You need to take a break.” Emma grinned back, glad to see that Ivy was enjoying herself, but wary of how much she had consumed. “C’mon, Niall and the others are gonna be in the back room for the rest of the night.”

“Okay.” Ivy didn’t really have a choice on what to do as Emma yanked her off the bar stool and towards the beaded curtain she noticed earlier. It was sparkling from the lights reflecting on the crystals. “Where are we going?”

Emma gave her a laugh, amused by her obvious buzzed behavior, and just pulled her through the curtain. Ivy smacked a few strands of beads away from her face as they tried to tangle up in her hair. The same music that was playing in the main room was also playing in this one. She was intrigued by the new setting, curious to know what kind of important people would be filling it. Was it just for the bar’s usual customers or did you have to have some kind of pass? She wasn’t sure, the disco ball hanging from the ceiling distracted her and made the thoughts dissipate. Her eyes shifted around the room as she took in the new sights. Heavy velvet curtains dripped from the ceilings, covering the walls but not actually any windows they were simply decorations. There were three big, fancy leather sectionals placed in the room - two in each corner and one in the middle of the wall. Curtains hung to separate them, but they appeared to be pulled back tonight. Glowing purple lights centered on short tables in the middle of each couch lit up the leather, making everything seem magical and ethereal. She couldn’t miss the stripper’s pole that was in the middle of the small dance floor, elevated a few feet off the ground on an even smaller stage.

“Hi, Emma!” A girl appeared in front of them, and Ivy recognized her as the girl who was playing the keyboard on stage. The girl’s natural red hair was glowing under the mix of lights flashing in the room. “Who’s this beauty?”

Emma grinned, letting go of Ivy’s hand so she could gesture to her. “This is my friend, Ivy. We live together.”

“Oh, nice to meet you!”

Ivy mustered up a polite smile and a small wave. “Hi.”

“This is Michelle.” Emma said, glancing at Ivy to make sure she was okay.

“You were awesome on stage.” She said to the girl who’s eyes she found to be pretty, the piercing icy blue lighting up even in the dark room.

“Thank you!” She nodded towards the table in the back corner. “I think we’ve claimed that one for the night if you girls wanna sit.”

“Sure!” Emma followed behind her, which led Ivy to do the same.

Michelle and Emma plopped down on the leather couch, immediately starting up a conversation as Ivy sat next to them, but not as close as they were together. She let her eyes move around the room again, searching for a familiar face. There were a handful of people already in the room, most of which were talking to a girl to place their drink orders. She moved her head a little, trying to see past someone. In that same moment, a security guard pulled back the beaded strings and let a group of people in. By the way they were dressed and how some of them had a smug look on their faces, she assumed these were the higher paying patrons of the establishment. Emerging from behind that crowd, Ivy saw Niall brush past the beads. His eyes roamed around until he spotted them in the back.

“Oh, there’s the guys.” Michelle nudged Emma to get her attention as she pointed towards them.

“Finally!” Emma jumped up as Niall got closer to them, she was ready to pounce on him. Their eyes met and he put on a big smirk for her, just as excited as she was to finally get his hands on her.

“Have you met everyone else?” Michelle asked as she slid over next to Ivy, their thighs touching as she offered a kind smile.

“I’ve met Zayn.” She said with a soft sigh. “Kinda met Harry, but not really.”

“Oh, well, that’s Cory!” Michelle pointed to the guy that walked past Niall and Emma as they hugged and twirled each other around. “He plays bass.”

Ivy gave her a nod, silently letting her know she was paying attention. The guy approached the couch before Niall did, since Emma was holding things up with her pecks to his cheeks and lips. He gave Michelle a smile and shot his eyes to Ivy His brows furrowed and he held his hand out in a loosely pointing gesture towards her.

“Don’t think we’ve met.” He said, his confused look morphing to a smile as he sat in the spot across from her. “Niall told me Emma had a friend coming. Ivy, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me.” She turned her lips up, giving him a gentle nod of her head.

“Not drinking tonight?” Michelle asked him with a cock of her brow as she noticed his empty hands.

He laughed back. “Harry’s bringing us a round.”

“Oh, of course he is.”

“Hey, Ivy!” Niall greeted her with a loud voice, happy to see that she was finally apart of their small crew. “How was the show?”

Emma took a seat on the opposite side of the coach, letting Niall claim the place closest to Cory. “I think she loved it!”

“It was so good. You guys are amazing.”

“Saw me shredding the fuck out of that guitar, yeah?” He joked, getting a laugh out as everyone rolled their eyes and smiled at him.

“You killed it, for sure.” ivy took a sip of her water, wishing she had more than that was left in the cup.

“What are you drinking?” Michelle asked curiously.

She pushed out a breath. “Just water right now. I.. had a few already.”

“Your outfit is stunning. I love the top.”

Emma beamed as she heard the compliment. “I told you, Ivy, you look so hot tonight!”

“I’ll say.” Michelle teased just as her phone buzzed in her hand, her eyes falling down to check the message.

Ivy felt a bit of uneasiness building in her stomach as she realized she was feeling out of place all of a sudden. Cory was also focused on his phone while Emma had thrown her leg over Niall’s lap and her arm around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. While she wasn’t with complete strangers, she didn’t really know Michelle and Cory. The only other person she knew hadn’t come over here yet, Zayn wasn’t anywhere near that she could see. Emma was distracted with Niall, leaving Ivy to fend for herself. She swallowed a lump that was forming in her throat and ran her hand over the ends of her skirt, adjusting it on the tops of her thighs. She reverted back to those insecure thoughts she had while on the drive here. Michelle was skinnier than Emma was, leaving her to feel even more vulnerable and uncomfortable. She tried to ignore it by picking up her head, wanting her eyes to catch something interesting to stare at for a bit - but instead she saw someone she recognized coming their way, two people actually.

“The party’s here!” Michelle announced as she, too, looked up and saw what was heading their way.

Everyone looked up to see Zayn walking to them, a girl on his arm, and Harry leading one of the bartenders from the front room to the table. The woman had a tray of beers balanced on her palm. Zayn sat down next to Niall, the woman holding onto his elbow sitting beside him. Ivy figured that was Alyssa - Emma had mentioned her several times while telling stories. The bartender sat the tray down and replied as Niall and Cory both thanked her for bringing them out. She disappeared, leaving them to all to reach for a cup.

“Take one, take one. Drink this damn shit.” Harry yelled with a joyful tone as he grabbed a cup before taking the space next to Michelle.

“Shit, I forgot to tell Harry about Ivy.” Niall said with a groan, glancing at Emma as he got them each a cup.

“What?” Harry smacked his lips as he heard his name, not sure what Niall was referring to.

“My friend, Ivy. She was with me at the shop when I got my tattoo.” Emma said, motioning her hand to where Ivy was sitting.

Harry leaned up to look past Michelle towards the person he had only briefly laid his eyes on before. He shrugged his shoulders, seemingly not concerned with her presence.

“I got the usual number, so she’s shit out of luck.” He casually said the harsh words.

Emma stood up to pass the drink to Ivy. “She can have mine! Here, Ivy, I’m not drinking anything else.”

She gladly took it and brought the cup to her lips, taking just a sip. That caught Zayn’s attention. He jolted up, pointing towards her with a grin on his face.

“Hey! I need to see you chug that since you’re so good at it.”

Emma clapped her hands together, remembering that she’s mentioned Ivy’s secret talent to him before. “C’mon, Ivy! Show ‘em how it’s done.”

“No, no. Not tonight.” Ivy let out a nervous laugh and slowly sipped the beer. It wasn’t her favorite drink, but she wasn’t going to be rude and turn down the offer.

Niall let a smirk grow on his lips. “I need to witness this, too. C’mon, we’ll get ya another one.”

She shook her head again. “I can’t, I might throw up. I’ve had a few.”

“What is it, can she chug quick?” Cory asked, leaning his elbow on his knee as he was now curious with the excitement coming from them.

“Fast as fuck, Cory. I swear, she’s insane.” Emma said with a proud smile.

“She’s exaggerating.” Ivy shook her head, trying to hide her flushing cheeks by turning her head.

Niall stood up, his cup still full, and stepped around the table to where Ivy was sitting. He grabbed her hand and yanked her up to her feet, laughing as she stumbled but quickly caught herself. Emma was cheering her on, knowing that Niall was about to challenge her.

“C’mon! Let’s see who can finish first.” Niall said, hitting his cup against hers, the liquid sloshing around in the clear plastic.

She let out a heavy sigh and rolled her eyes at them, aware that she wouldn’t hear the end of it if she chose not to do it. She cleared her throat, took a deep breath, and nodded.

“Fine.”

Niall boasted with excitement, screaming like his favorite team just won a game. Emma watched with a wide grin, her hands clasped together - she hadn’t seen Ivy have this much fun in a while, so she was ecstatic over it. Cory counted them down from three. Ivy relaxed her throat and let the liquid flow into her mouth. She closed her eyes, trying to dissociate herself so that she didn’t think about drinking quickly. The trick was to forget what you were actually doing and just.. do it. She was fairly good at the trick, seeming to perfect it. Niall still had about a third of his beer left when she dropped the cup on the table, not a single drop let.

Michelle jumped up and raised her hands high, screeching loud as she felt like she witnessed a miracle. Emma was laughing hard at the drop of Cory’s jaw and the impressed smirk on Zayn’s face.

“Fuck.” Niall choked out as he finished, his hand covering his stomach as he felt the beer rushing down his body.

“It’s all in the throat.” Ivy joked as she gave him a playful shove.

Niall chuckled, patting her on the back as if she achieved something so great. “M’glad you’re better with your throat than I am with mine.”

“Wait, wait. Now I’m feeling competitive.” Cory said with a laugh, glancing at his own drink that was still full.

“I can do one more, but that’s it.” Ivy said, her stomach bubbling from the contents filling it.

“Here. I barely drank any.” Michelle offered up her beer, more focused on the entertainment than drinking it herself.

“C’mon, let’s do it.” Cory jumped up, ready to put his previous years of being in a fraternity to the test.

Niall led the count this time, and as soon as the word ‘go’ left his mouth, Ivy had her lips on the rim of the cup, tipping it back into her mouth. Everyone watched again with amazement as laughter and cheers filled the space they shared. Well, all but one let out a joyful noise. Harry was sitting against the back of the couch with his arm over his chest, watching but seeming to not be amused by it. He thought Cory was being a flirt and Niall was just weak because he couldn’t get it down quicker than this girl.

“Damn, you’re good.” Cory couldn’t even finish his drink, he just gave up.

Ivy sat back down next to Michelle, who was definitely her newest cheerleader. Michelle had heard some positive things about Ivy, so she was glad she was enjoying her company.

“I told you she was good.” Emma said with a smirk as if she had placed bets and won.

“Got a throat on you, for sure.” Cory sighed out as he fell against the couch, his gut churning.

Harry scoffed to himself. “Throat like a whore.”

Niall heard the comment, but he wasn’t sure who else did. He shot Harry a stern glare, but he obviously didn’t care. Michelle slid her arm around Ivy’s back and tightly gripped her shoulder, pulling them closer together.

“This girl is a champ.” She declared. “Welcome to the group, Ivy. You’re officially one of the girls.”

Cory lifted his hand in a pretend toast. “It was an honor to get my ass kicked.”

“That’s a talent right there.” Zayn added, having not said that much tonight but he was definitely paying attention.

“That’s kind of gross.” Harry added to the conversation, a cocky smirk on his lips as he looked away from Ivy.

She furrowed her brows lightly, catching what he said this time. “You’re probably just scared I’d beat you, too.”

It was most definitely the alcohol that was causing her to speak so freely to the person she knew the least about in the group of people surrounding her. Sure, she was confident in herself when she wasn’t sober and she wouldn’t let a rude comment slide by unnoticed, but she was ready to spit out another line if he tested her patience.

Harry snarled his lip up, not liking that she was speaking to him in that manner. “Please, you wish.”

Michelle was never one to shy away from talking back to Harry, so when she added a few words, Ivy was pleased to know she wasn’t fighting this battle alone. “You’re such a douche. You’d probably cry if she out drank you.”

Harry shot her a glance, but he wasn’t concerned with his friend’s comment. He wasn’t too content with the idea of some random girl he didn’t know coming into his circle of friends and grabbing all the attention. Maybe he was jealous, or maybe he really was just a douche.

“I wouldn’t be braggin’ about a loose throat.” He sat up, his elbows hitting his knees as he eyed Ivy with a cold stare. “Probably take down dicks faster than beer.”

Ivy didn’t feel comfortable with him staring at her like he wanted to throw his fists into her body. She pursed her lips in an effort to let it go, not wanting to start any unwanted drama among her newfound friends - well, some of them were friends. Emma nudged Niall and mumbled to him about controlling his friend, but Niall knew there wasn’t much he could do.

“Give it a rest, Harry.” He sighed out, knowing that if he didn’t at least try then Emma would be upset with him.

Harry let out an unamused laugh. “Truth hurts, Horan.”

“Y’don’t have to be a dick about it, Harry. Give the girl some respect.” Zayn added, taking a sip of his drink after. He was staring at the table, not even wanting to give Harry the extra attention of a spared glance.

“All m’saying is it’s not that impressive.” Harry shrugged, standing up so he could make an exit from the group and go occupy himself with something else. But before he walked away, he stopped in front of Michelle and let his eyes fall down to the girl he knew nothing about. “Does your mother know you drink like a grown man?”

“Har-“ Emma tried to quickly intervene, but it was too late. Ivy was already responding to him.

“My mom’s dead. So, no, probably not.” Her cold tone and narrowed eyes made

Harry gently furrowed his brows. He heard exactly what she said, but he didn’t seem to care. Niall got up to grab his elbow, knowing that he should do something before any more hurtful comments were made.

“C’mon.” He pulled Harry away from the seating area, mumbling something about him needing to relax.

“Sorry about him.” Cory was the first to apologize as Niall and Harry disappeared into the small crowd.

Ivy fell back against the couch, her arms crossing over her chest. She licked her lips and nodded to him, not wanting to talk for fear of losing control of her emotions. Michelle gently rested her hand atop Ivy’s thigh, not wanting to be too overbearing but hoping to give her some comfort.

“I’m sorry, Ivy. I told Niall to make sure he was nice tonight.” Emma frowned, knowing that the comment Harry made would haunt Ivy for the next few days, if not longer.

“Yeah, he’s a bit of a dick.” Michelle said, a disappointment expression covering her features. “He doesn’t do well with change and.. I guess you being here is changing things. But it’s not your fault.”

“It’s fine. I.. I’m just going to ignore it.”

Ivy felt a burn in her chest that wasn’t from the drinks she downed minutes ago. This was a type of feeling erupting from the insults she caught. She was so upset with what was said to her, not just the thing about her mother, but more than that.. she was confused as to what she did that warranted that sort of treatment. Had she been rude to him by not greeting him like she did the others? He was so standoffish though, he didn’t appear to want to be spoken to. He acted like she wasn’t even sitting there when he walked up, even though he looked at her when he saw her next to Michelle. Was something said about her to him from someone else that he didn’t find appealing? Had Zayn not liked her when they met the second time, perhaps he made a comment to Harry? No, she shook that thought off. Zayn seemed to enjoy her company.

Cory mentioned something about getting a few shots, to which Ivy just nodded and agreed that it would be fun. He left the girls and Zayn alone, which made Zayn start up a conversation. Ivy was listening, but she wasn’t contributing. All she could think about was the rude behavior Harry displayed towards her. Surely, there must have been something she did to him. She couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Over towards the beaded curtain that was rattling from the vibrations of the music pounding through the building, Niall stood in front of Harry with a clearly irritated look on his face. Harry leaned against the wall, listening with a blank stare as Niall scolded him.

“Are you fucking serious? Why are you so rude?” Niall spat out, throwing his hands up in the air as the disbelief stuck in his mind. “Emma invited her out, you have no right to be such a dick to her.”

“I don’t fuckin’ know the chick.” Harry shrugged, not caring to listen to Niall’s parenting but he knew he couldn’t escape just yet.

“It doesn’t matter, Harry. I told you she was going to be here tonight and to be fuckin’ polite to her. At least treat her like she’s a person and not a piece of garbage.”

Harry huffed and moved his eyes to Niall’s. “I don’t know her. I don’t care about being polite to her.”

Niall shook his head, not believing what he was hearing. “Get to fuckin’ know her then. She’s not going anywhere, that’s Emma’s friend. Act like you have sense.”

“Look, I didn’t fuckin’ know her mom was dead.”

Niall wanted to wring his neck, he wasn’t getting the point. “It doesn’t matter! Act nice. Pretend to have a fuckin’ heart for once.”

Harry pushed himself off the wall, the conversation now boring him. He gave Niall a wave before deciding it was best if he just found a distraction for the rest of the night. Niall couldn’t quite understand why he was being so rude to Ivy, but there was nothing else that he could say. If his words worked, then that would be a miracle.

Ivy sat there quietly for a handful of minutes, ignoring the small talk that was going on around the table. Her eyes were roaming out through the crowd that had thickened since Niall stormed off with Harry in tow. The pole fixed to the ceiling was now occupied by a dancer in a lace bodysuit, strategically placed rips and holes scattered on the fabric. She seemed to have some of the people’s attention. One person she didn’t have, though, was Harry, and Ivy took notice of that only because she saw him with his forearm secured around some woman’s waist. He had pulled her close to him, smirking and biting his lips as the woman spoke to him.

Ivy wasn’t intending on finding him in the crowd to gaze at him, it just sort of happened. She was unfamiliar with the surroundings, so her eyes fixated on something she recognized - even if it wasn’t the nicest person she’d ever met. He was completely unaware of anything happening around him, all he was concerned with was what lived between that woman’s legs. The sight of him groping her ass and leaning down to whisper things in her ear left a nasty taste in Ivy’s mouth. She found it unpleasant to witness. That sort of thing should be private.

Michelle suddenly interrupted her trance with a pat to her leg before she stood up. “Do you wanna dance?”

Ivy looked up and let out a nervous laugh. “I think I’m okay sitting here for a bit.”

Michelle groaned and grabbed her hand, tugging her up with all her strength. “C’mon! Let’s go have some fun!”

She couldn’t stop Michelle from dragging her into the crowd, so she just let it happen. Emma gave her an encouraging cheer before they vanished from the table. The girls were shoving between people to find a more open spot on the dance floor, and once Michelle was pleased with where they ended up, she turned towards Ivy and grabbed onto her waist. She decided it was best to just let all those thoughts about the things Harry said and the way he acted go. Tonight was meant for fun, not dwelling. She relaxed her body and began swaying to the music with Michelle.

“That ass!” Michelle teased in a loud shout as Ivy shook her hips to the song that was blasting through the ceiling.

All she could do was laugh as a layer of blush covered her cheeks. The music was rattling the building and the alcohol was still cycling through her veins. She was enjoying herself again, no longer fixated on that song or those comments. It wasn’t long until Emma and Niall appeared next to them. Emma turned towards them while Niall placed himself behind her, hands secured on her waist. The three of them danced and sang along with the music while Niall mostly laughed and kept his hands on Emma.

Ivy had been nervous about going out tonight - not only going to a new place, but meeting a group of new people. She was worried that her first impression wouldn’t be good, that they wouldn’t like the energy she brought. It was obvious that all of them, aside from Harry, actually enjoyed her company. Even though she didn’t get a chance to talk to a few of them, like Alyssa, the way she did Michelle, she was confident that her impression was well made. The pulsing of the music through her ears pushed out the thoughts regarding Harry. Maybe he was just in a bad mood, or maybe he was just a bitter person. She didn’t know for sure, and she didn’t care that much anymore.

Niall disappeared to get himself a beer, leaving Emma to take Ivy’s hand and lift it in the air, jumping to the beat of the song and screaming the lyrics. Michelle was thrilled to have another girl to be around, and she hoped that it wouldn’t be the last time they saw each other. She knew she’d have to beg Emma to let her and Ivy get together again. Ivy wasn’t surprised by Emma’s energetic, sober performance. She didn’t need alcohol running in her system to enjoy a good song. The night was starting to feel endless and free, in the best way. That wouldn’t last too long, though.

At some point, her eyes were absentmindedly looking over Michelle’s shoulder and were pretty much out of focus until her brain registered that familiar face again. Harry. She tried to look away, but she couldn’t force herself to as she saw that same woman he was with earlier place her lips on his. Something deep inside of her gut churned and she furrowed her brows at her own thoughts. She shook her head lightly and cut her eyes away from them. Almost as if there was a gravitational pull she couldn’t stop, her eyes shifted back to him after a few seconds.

His hair was slick with sweat, his curls shining under the flashing lights. The sweat on his skin shined like diamonds as the woman ran her hand down his forearm. Her nails scratched over the tattoo he showed off at the shop, veins popped out and skin tight around his muscles. It was like she noticed every single thing about him. Someone got in her way, blocking her view entirely. She huffed and looked towards Emma, who was still singing happily to the song playing.

Ivy was genuinely confused as to why she was thinking about him so much. Why did she care what he was doing? Why did she care who he was with? She hardly knew him. She rolled her eyes to herself and lifted her head in time to see Niall walking up, three drinks in his hand. He offered one to her and one to Michelle. They cheered together, laughing as Niall stumbled his way back to Emma. She jumped back into the song and started singing again, enjoying herself for the rest of the night.

—•—

When morning rolled over, Ivy didn’t move an inch in her bed until well after eleven o’clock. She knew Emma would sleep in with Niall, so she didn’t bother trying to be up before them. Niall stayed over every now and then, and of course he always requested a meal be made if the girls were up for it. Ivy was put on breakfast duty since Emma said she’s better at it. Niall slurred a quick beg to her last night before Emma drug him to the bedroom to get changed and tucked in. Ivy agreed to it, despite knowing her head would be pounding in the morning.

And it most definitely was. She groaned as she squeezed her eyes shut, the sunlight peeking through the curtains was enough to blind her. There was no point in sleeping any more of the day away, so she reluctantly got out of the bed after taking a few minutes to compose herself. Her arms stretched high above her head, her back popping as she twisted slightly. She sighed in relief, a weight was lifted from her as her body contorted with her stretches and groans.

Her trip to the bathroom presented her with a horrific reflection in the mirror. Her makeup had not been properly removed before she fell into her bed last night, and her hair was a wreck. She debated on taking a shower, but eventually decided it would be best to get it over with. Emma and Niall were still passed out down the hall, so she wasn’t worried about waking anyone or not having the food done in time. Niall would definitely still want breakfast no matter the time.

After her quick shower, she got changed into a set of loungewear and headed to the kitchen. She gathered all the items from the refrigerator and the cabinets, staying mindful of Niall’s large appetite. He did say he would throw in some money on their next grocery run, so she wasn’t concerned with rationing any particular item. She wasn’t in there very long by herself. Emma strolled in after a few minutes, having smelled the food starting to cook.

“Good morning, sunshine.” Ivy smirked as she saw Emma’s tired expression and tangled hair.

“Morning.” She mumbled back. “Niall slept like an animal last night.”

“Did he move around a lot?”

Emma groaned. “A lot? He moved constantly. Usually he doesn’t. I’m so tired.”

Ivy held back a laugh and just smiled. Emma sat down at the dining table, her eyes focused on what Ivy was doing. She just watched in silence for a while, too tired to say anything. They were by themselves for the majority of the cooking process. The bedroom door opened down the hall, but the bathroom door shut moments after. Niall spent a bit of time in the bathroom, which made Emma groan and hope that he wasn’t throwing up or suffering a bad hangover. He had quite a few drinks.

Eventually, almost the same time the food was ready, he walked in the kitchen with a smile on his face. Emma rolled her eyes as he tried to give her a kiss and a hug, and an apology about sleeping so roughly. Ivy let out a chuckle as he threw his hands up in defeat.

“Thanks for cooking, Ivy.” Niall said once he fixed his plate and sat down at the table with them.

“You’re welcome.”

Emma looked up from her plate and gave Niall a stern glare. He was confused at first, but when she shot her gaze to Ivy, he miraculously remembered the conversation they had in the middle of the night when he woke Emma up complaining about his head hurting. It took them a while to fall back asleep, so they just talked for a bit.

He cleared his throat after taking a sip of his water. “Um, Ivy.”

She looked his way. “Yeah?”

Niall took in a deep breath and slowly pushed it out. He seemed a bit hesitant at first, but he was trying to figure out what to say. He licked his lips and leaned back in his chair, forgetting the food for now.

“I want to apologize to you.”

Ivy dropped her brows, spared Emma a glance, then looked back to him. “What?”

He lightly sighed. “Harry.”

She was still unsure what Niall meant for a few moments, but suddenly everything came crashing back into her mind. She adjusted herself in the chair and started picking at the pancake with her fork, not really wanting to bring it back up but knowing she can’t avoid it now.

“It’s fine, Niall.”

“No, it isn’t.” Emma said, just as embarrassed by the situation as Niall was.

“He said some shitty things to you.. and I’m sorry. I.. I didn’t want that to happen, none of us did. Zayn sent me a text this morning telling me to tell you he was sorry, too.”

Ivy a wallowed gently, surprised that someone else had reached out about the situation. She thought what happened was unfortunate, but she didn’t think she’d receive such a reaction from them. Emma had a frown fixed on her lips as she kept her eyes on Niall, waiting for him to continue.

“The last thing Emma and I wanted was for you to think our friends didn’t like you. They do, they really do. I can’t speak for him but.. the rest of us are sorry.”

“Niall, it’s not that big of a deal, I promise.” Ivy tried to sail past it, but it wasn’t going to go down that easy.

“Yes it is, Ivy.” He breathed out. “He’s an ass and he says some messed up things. We’re all used to it.. and you aren’t. You shouldn’t have been spoken to that way.”

For a second, she was just ready to ignore it all again, but she changed her mind. Niall was genuinely upset and trying his best to make up for it, and she could tell Emma felt the same way. She remembered how everyone reacted when Harry said what he said last night. She thought about the way she saw Cory pinch his nose and shake his head in disbelief, and how Alyssa smacked Zayn’s arm in an attempt to get him to intervene. She remembered all the little things each of them did and how they all seemed to be in shock, embarrassed, or annoyed with it.

“Okay.. I accept the apology.” She finally said, trying to give him the best smile she could. “I promise, it’s okay.”

“I’ll beat his ass if he says something like that to you again.” Emma crossed her arms over her chest and huffed.

Niall couldn’t resist laughing at her, and Ivy quickly joined her. Although the previous night had a rollercoaster of events, she was glad that she had this new group of people to consider as her friends. For now, she’d just forget about Harry and focus on the positive memories she was able to create. As far as she was concerned, she would be perfectly fine if she never saw him again.

[a/n: I’ve been very sick these past few days but I wanted to get this out so pls ignore any spelling mistakes and all that, I’ll fix them later. if you want to be on the taglist, let me know! anyways, hope you enjoy this! love uuu! Also just a reminder that while this is lhh, he’s older in this series than actual lhh was]

** if you’re here for a reread, i did change this character to an oc so she has a name now!!

taglist: @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @victoriasigaard @ariiscringe @harlowsgirl l @lomllover @haniaaa04 @sideboobrry11 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @fangirl509east @fruity-harry @sassamanda77 @lizsogolden @prettygurl-2009 @boopookie @mypolicemanharryyy

[the-awful-falafel]

Decided to share a megapost of my Fake Peppino relationship / character dynamic headcanons! Not comprehensive at all but should give a rough outline of my personal interpretation of things at least

PEPPINO:

Peppino and Fake Peppino's relationship is... deeply complicated lol

It's the focus of my brainrot (and utterly central to how I see Fake Peppino's postgame character development happening) so I won't quite get into all the progression and nuances here, but if I had to loosely summarize it, I'd say it's kind of a platonic slowburn "weird uncomfortable doppelganger housemate/employee" + enemies-to-trucies-to-uneasy-friendship situation. Lots of black comedy and ominous horror stuff too

More will be explained / shown off over time, hopefully!

GUSTAVO:

Gustavo generally seems tolerant or even oblivious to Fake Peppino's weirdness, although not to a Noisette extent

He doesn't get caught up in paranoia around Fake Peppino like Peppino does, although the odd behavior and comments the clone sometimes makes can be slightly unsettling

Gustavo casually calls Fake Peppino "Peppino" to be respectful (something that agitates real Peppino) and occasionally tries to encourage Peppino to do the same

Gustavo acts relatively friendly and encouraging to Fake Peppino-- believing in good faith that most of his behavior is harmlessly weird and that, if he's anything like the real Peppino, he could use a friend-- but he often feels out of his depth interacting with him for too long, so in practice it's more of a "cordial acquaintances" situation

Fake Peppino sees Gustavo as a nice friend/fellow chef, first as an extension of Peppino's relationship with him and then later more genuinely

Fake Peppino strongly appreciates Gustavo's penchant for adventure, and will often tag along Gustavo's adventures without asking and without warning when he's in the mood to forage for new ingredients or simply observe

BRICK:

Brick does not like Fake Peppino and she gets a bad vibe from him

Fake Peppino thinks the big rat looks delicious but politely holds off because he assumes that Gustavo is saving all that meat for himself

PEPPERMAN:

Pepperman is mostly face-blind towards humans and cannot tell Peppino and Fake Peppino apart unless they're side by side, and only then just barely

Pepperman somewhat admires the surrealism and ethical quandaries of Fake Peppino's existence, and rambles about it to him whenever he's around

Fake Peppino thinks Pepperman talks way too much and too fancily, and therefore tunes out at least 90% of what the pepper says

Fake Peppino has secretly stolen / borrowed paint from Pepperman before, and once or twice he brought over his weird Peppino caricature doodles to show him and get "art advice"

Fake Peppino has contemplated how Pepperman is an impressively big pepper, but there's no shortage of peppers back at the pizzeria, plus the smell of paint and ego kinda gets in the way

Fake Peppino is very pleased whenever Pepperman confuses him with Peppino

THE VIGILANTE:

Vigilante has only met Fake Peppino a handful of times and doesn't have a lot of knowledge of him or a strong opinion on him, thinking that he seems strange but friendly enough

Later on, Vigilante's opinion skews more pessimistic and he views Fake Peppino's creation as another one of Pizzahead's crimes that he must be held accountable for

Fake Peppino thinks the "cowboy cheese" is nice and helpful for giving him directions in the tower at one point, even though he finds his arsenal of guns and gruff demeanor slightly off-putting

Vigilante is the most likely of the bosses to go missing if there's a cheese supply shortage

Vigilante is also the most likely of the bosses to teach Fake Peppino what a flamethrower is

THE NOISE:

Noise finds Fake Peppino hilarious, seeing him as a total freakshow that mocks Peppino just by existing and being generally absurd

Noise would occasionally visit Fake Peppino in the tower alongside Noisette, mostly to just gawk and encourage the weirdo to do food crimes

Because of this, Noise also doesn't take Fake Peppino seriously-- an approach that has backfired on him a couple times, although he stubbornly refuses to learn. (Noise is good at using intimidation and startling loud noises in a pinch, but it never scares off Fake Peppino permanently)

Noise, when possible, likes to encourage Fake Peppino's general chaos and torment of Peppino, although it's just as likely to get thrown back in his face

Fake Peppino generally likes Noise because he sees him as one of his first regular customers alongside Noisette

However, Fake Peppino doesn't like how evasive Noise is at actually eating the complicated "pizzas" he orders, so he's increasingly determined to get Noise to eat one of his pizzas someday, even if it requires coercive methods

Fake Peppino can be unexpectedly passive-aggressive towards Noise when Noise is being more of a rude asshole than usual, although it's more in a playfully antagonistic sort of way... maybe

Fake Peppino was very confused by the whole NTV movie situation and went off-script a little too much for Noise's liking, but Fake Peppino still went along with it and got paid via expensive pizza ingredients afterwards (money was not enticing enough for him, for some reason)

NOISETTE

Noisette sees Fake Peppino as a funny guy and close friend, sharing both a goofiness and love for making dubiously edible food, and she is thoroughly immune to / oblivious of the horrors

She befriended him back in the tower via getting lost and obliviously stumbling into Peppino's Pizza 2, and her ditzy friendliness, utter lack of fear or acknowledgement of red flags, and promise to visit again led to a much more positive (and safer) interaction than all the previous customers had

Noisette's repeat visits were both because she genuinely found his pizzas "interesting" (... despite the fact they kept giving her violent short-term food poisoning, she assumed it was part of the Italian food experience and she thinks it's important to encourage his creativity) and because she was worried he was lonely, working so hard in his secluded restaurant all the time

Noisette always calls Fake Peppino "Peppino" and wholeheartedly affirms his identity

Noisette's overt tolerance and obliviousness of the horrors is not always a good thing and can lead to her enabling Fake Peppino's more dangerous and maladaptive behavior

Fake Peppino sees Noisette as his first and favorite regular customer, and he'd consider her his first friend too, although the lines between friend and customer are very blurry in Fake Peppino's mind

Fake Peppino visits Noisette on rare occasions (rather than the more common other way around), both because he enjoys her company and because he thinks studying her likes/dislikes up close and integrating them into his pizzas is key to maintaining her patronage

Fake Peppino will play party games and board games with Noisette and Noise when she offers, but he's kinda inattentive and doesn't follow the rules (it's okay because half of the rules Noisette makes up / doesn't care about either, and Noise cheats)

GEROME:

Gerome doesn't interact with Fake Peppino much, and when he does, he mostly just regards him with either vague interest or pity

Gerome is aware of the cloning lab and Fake Peppino's true nature/purpose, and has had a lot of experience with his brother's clones-- as a result, Gerome is pessimistic about the Fake Peppino's ability or willingness to change from what he is

Fake Peppino sees Gerome as the small stone man who sleeps all the time, and is interested by his janitorial work, but otherwise doesn't have much of an opinion on him either

PILLAR JOHN

John regards Fake Peppino with a similar sort of pity as Gerome does, although it mostly leads to him expressing sympathy and solidarity towards Peppino over both of them being cloned by Pizzahead and having awkward interactions with said clones after the tower collapsed

Fake Peppino doesn't really know John, but he was warned extensively to never touch the pillars holding up each level gate, no matter how tempting it may be to kick one over

Fake Peppino still follows this rule after the events of the game, even though this pillar is now walking around, but his curiosity will probably get the best of him one of these days

PIZZAFACE

Pizzaface has no opinion on Fake Peppino because he's a (secret) robot/mech whose autopilot AI is quite basic and limited-- he's obedient/loyal to Pizzahead and nobody else

Fake Peppino doesn't understand why you would make a pizza that isn't for eating

PIZZAHEAD

Pizzahead is directly responsible for creating Fake Peppino along with all the other clones, and even though the results didn't match his original "Better Peppino" design concept 1:1, he doesn't care and doesn't see it as a failure at all-- he thinks it's much funnier and more entertaining this way

Pizzahead doesn't really perceive Fake Peppino as a person or sapient entity deserving respect -- he sees Fake Peppino more like a fun new custom-built toy, guard monster, and walking punchline of a joke at Peppino's expense, all rolled into one

Pizzahead doesn't openly mistreat Fake Peppino, necessarily-- he's goofy and irreverent towards him for the most part, just like how he acts towards most other people-- but he certainly exploits and manipulates certain aspects of Fake Peppino's behavior for his own amusement, and saw leaving Fake Peppino on the fourth floor with minimal safeguards as the funniest possible thing to do with him. Look and watch the weird freak go! Wooooo!

Pizzahead is very affirming and encouraging of Fake Peppino believing himself to be really Peppino, mostly to better exploit/manipulate his behavior and to better egg on his established aggression towards "other Peppinos" in preparation for him being sicced on the real Peppino

Pizzahead's inability to take anything seriously extends to even the most bizarre, horrific, and dangerous of his creations, in a way that would probably backfire if it weren't for his power and cartoonish immunity

Pizzahead probably would have gotten bored of and abandoned Fake Peppino at some point if Peppino hadn't destroyed the tower

After the events of the game, Pizzahead is surprised by Fake Peppino's reduced aggression towards Peppino and has attempted to sneakily exploit Fake Peppino's behavior once more to see if he can generate any more funny conflict, but it's not very effective as Fake Peppino has already formed his own ambiguous goals and doesn't really have a reason to listen to Pizzahead anymore-- although he still cheerfully takes the "advice" into consideration

Fake Peppino doesn't know that Pizzahead is responsible for his existence, nor is he aware he was even created in the first place. (Fake Peppino would not believe Pizzahead if he told him, either)

Fake Peppino likes and respects Pizzahead as the tower's owner who pulled him out of the laboratory and gifted him important advice and a restaurant free of charge, but Fake Peppino is otherwise somewhat ambivalent and isn't even particularly loyal to the pizza, instead being obsessed with working the restaurant and working hard at being Peppino

Fake Peppino doesn't quite like Pizzahead's tendency to cartoon-logic grab and deposit him in new locations at random, as he (usually) dislikes being grabbed or touched and Pizzahead doesn't have much regard for his personal space, but it thankfully doesn't happen often enough for it to be a major concern, just an uneasy irritation

Fake Peppino is very curious about what Pizzahead's pizza head tastes like and has attempted to bite it off twice, to no success and Pizzahead barely acknowledging it aside from casually clamping Fake Peppino's jaws shut / sidestepping it and causing Fake Peppino to faceplant

[olderthannetfic]

Genuine question: what's the point of writing fanfic? As in, what's the purpose? No one in the fandom I'm in comments on fics and I even got told off by one person for doing so, as it "encourages bad writers and makes them think they're good". So it seems that it's a lot like book writing, where people work hard and are creative, but instead of getting paid and getting comments on the work, you just sit there silently hoping someone will press the kudos button and make a number go up. I feel like that time and work could be better spent on making something you might get some kind of profit off of. Don't get me wrong, I love doodling fanart, but I don't post it, as I'm aware that there's no point to doing so, and while it's a nice way to fill the time on a commute, it's not something that takes me as much time and effort as fanfic does. So... why do people bother? Sometimes I describe ideas I have and people I know in my fandom will tell me I should write it, but I don't see why. I get more interaction from just saying "imagine if [thing here]" than I would by sitting down, writing for hours, editing and posting [thing here], so what would the point be? I'm not punching down or going "haha women and their fanfic lol!", I genuinely do not get what the point is and this blog feels like it might have someone reading who knows the answer.

--

Do you make art for profit? Genuine question.

There's nothing inherently wrong with being motivated primarily by external factors, but it's not actually why a lot of people create things, whether it's books or recipes or doodles in a notepad.

I enjoy the actual process of writing.

I think many people lose sight of that aspect in an era where tons of <500-word fics that are mostly outlines and "Imagine if..." posts get disproportionate attention for being easy to consume. But the satisfaction of doing a bigger art piece and doing it right is real and motivates a hell of a lot of creation.

I suppose you might be thinking "Okay, but why not just write it alone and never post?", but I like sharing. Showing off my finished creation is part of the joy, and sharing with other people like me is too. But those aren't quite the same thing as worrying about kudos. It's like dressing nicely when you leave the house because you feel great when you know you look good vs. needing another person to tell you you look good.

To be honest, though, this type of feeling has grown in me the better I've gotten at a craft. The closer my finished projects get to the vision in my head, the easier it is to find them fulfilling and to be excited to share them. When I fall short of my own ambitions, it's discouraging no matter how much attention I might get from others.

I feel like it's time for my regular reblog of Adam Westbrook's video essay series The Long Game.

The third and least known in the series is all about this idea of who you're making art for if you're not getting material rewards in the short term. It talks a lot about autotelicity—being internally driven instead of externally.

--

But if you really just want clicks, anon, start a blog that accepts anon asks and posts about wanky stuff. Actually tag things, unlike me, so people can find you.

No, writing for attention isn't worth it.

The time investment is too great and your brain will always fixate on the times people didn't respond instead of the times they did.

But that's not actually why most people write.

[cccakessslicemeee]

I will ramble about the gukgaks now. Firstly I love them.

As usual spoilers for fantasy high read at your own risk

----------------------------------------------------------

I'm curious to see if there are any fics where Riz and his mom just have a day to themselves. Like Riz is in a lot of clubs and would have a shit ton of skills that he never gets to flaunt because he just too busy.

I like to imagine Riz and his mom finally have a quiet moment. Maybe it's a Saturday and they are Pok's grave just bitching the pot. I also like to imagine that in general Sklonda and Riz are just nosey bitches so like they would absolutely do the thing where when a neighbor is yelling they do the whole "imma pretend real hard not to listen to this" while inching closer and trying to read on things.

They absolutely shouldn't.

But they do. Maybe someone's having a fight with their girlfriend in their hallway and ya know what they should absolutely have a listen because what if things got violent? What if?

She knows she shouldn't encourage this but she does anyway. Like maybe riz is in his clues and not paying attention and she's like sweetie... Listen the Johnson's are at it again.

Anyway where was I? Yeah they go to Pok's grave and bitch and chew and talk shit on the neighbors and the town and just anything and everything. Maybe Riz can show off a cool magic trick or juggle a little bit? Card tricks. Maybe he can kinda dance but that's because Kristen and Fig force him to learn fantasy tik Tok dances. Fabian thinks it's beneath him so he'd never but even he admits some of the footwork is "decent".

Maybe Sklonda and Riz have little bonding moments where they see who can take apart their gun quicker and put it back together. They probably like already have gone to a shooting range before... Riz is such a lawful person I can't image him NOT having formal gun training? Like those 3 hour courses you have to attend three times.

I can't imagine Sklonda wouldn't teach her how to handle a fire arm. And in the first season and second I think(?) Pok's gun is huge in the artwork. Unless I'm dumb? Could be. Anyway it's a big ass gun and it's gonna have a big ass kick and Like imagine a tiny Riz who has yet to grow into his ears trying to steady this big ass gun, his mom right behind him helpping him figure out how to use the sight and get a handle on aiming while carefully reminding him that it's gonna kick back into his shoulder and he needs to NOT brace when it kicks back. He needs to kinda let the gun make his shoulder jump back with the force. If he tenses up he's just letting the butt if the gun slam into his shoulder and it's gonna hurt.

And then when he hits the target she's like "look at you go, your dad would be so proud. I'm proud of you. Now remember what do we always say?"

"safety first!" And he's just beaming.

Also I like to imagine Riz is familiar with the Elmvile precinct. Like he would definitely just hang out there and be a nosey lil shit especially if he just wanted to see his mom. I also like to think the people working there would be like .. okay he's not gonna leave so let's make him do stuff like prep the coffee machine and get everyone's lunch orders/order it and like print paper work. Because if they don't make him do something he's gonna sneak back and get into shit he don't need to. Sklonda has had to kick him out of the precinct at least twice a day until she got a babysitter because Riz won't just sit still and read or something.

Sorry I'm rambling and kinda jumping all over the place.

Anyway I think Riz and Sklonda should have a nice time doing literally anything else that isn't saving the fucking world. I feel like they would do well in laser tag or paint ball.

Maybe they could just chill at home watching the murder channel and shit talking everything the criminal does.

"oh damn. He was smart except he left his fingerprints on the doorknob. Idiot" type shit.

Also stupid silly thought. Sklonda HATES donuts because it's the stereotype for cops to be lazy assholes who do nothing but sip coffee and eat donuts expecting a crime to happen.

Riz fucking loves donuts. Everyone always brings donuts to the precinct and it's just a familiar treat he grew up on. They were special and nostalgic. He also assumes his mom likes donuts because what kind of cop doesn't like donuts? Occasionally he'll get a box and bring it home and sklonda will eat one because she's not gonna spit in the face of her son's kindness. Riz makes it a point to pick up the cakey donuts that don't have like drizzle or whatever because he assumes she doesn't like the crazy ones with fillings and sprinkles.

Riz and his mom have the most intense chess matches. They are both brilliant people and riz has read every book he could on the matter. They have four hour games. It's wild. I also like to imagine they play Scrabble and they've played long enough to make up their own words or certain allowances. Like "Fuckton" or "Assload" are not real words but they are pretty self explanatory and easy to use in casual conversation. Also like with certain words like Stupid depending on how it's spelled could mean different things like stupid-someone is hella dumb or a thing is hella dumb- and then Stoopid- the dumbest man to ever walk the earth. maybe not these specific rules but I think you get the point they'd have their own to make the game more interesting.

[bearimba]

To celebrate the beginning of the Johto Enjoyer Community (or the JEC), we're starting off strong with a bingo card!

Unlike many other bingos, each square has a task instead of a prompt. The goal here is to encourage everyone to participate in a part of the fandom they might not otherwise---artists can try their hand at writing, fic writers can figure out how to organize moodboards, board creators can practice their drawing skills, and so on! But don't worry, all the minimum requirements (listed at the bottom of this post) are very low, so every task should be accessible to every person regardless of skill level or circumstance!

There's even a prize: a free full-body illustration like styled like Kris above for any pokemon/character (not just within the Pokemon universe) of your choosing, drawn by yours truly! Of course, you can join in without going for the prize, but in order to be eligible, take a look below...

The Rules:

The winner of this event will be chosen by raffle. Every confirmed bingo will earn you one raffle entry. That means that the more bingos you complete, the higher chance you'll have of winning!

To get a bingo, you must complete the tasks of five squares in a row, horizontally or vertically (not diagonally). Each bingo must have five original attempts, even if you've already covered a square in a previous bingo. All task attempts must be centered around Johto in some way, though mentioning other regions is by no means strictly prohibited.

To submit a bingo to the form, you must upload an image of your bingo marked on the card provided below. Then for each task, you can provide either an image (required for the Leave Some Love task) of your attempt or a link to where you've posted it online. You can only submit one bingo per form. Once I've confirmed your bingo, I'll add your entry to the raffle pool!

Not every task attempt has to be posted for the world to see. If you're feeling shy about a particular task, it's perfectly acceptable to submit it directly to the form---remember, you can post privately on Tumblr and no one will be able to see it unless you share the link! However, if you do decide to share it publicly, please use the tag #jec kickoff bingo.

You do not have to be a member of the community to play---This event is open to everyone!

The submission form will close at 2:00 AM CST on March 17th, so you only have two weeks as of posting to participate in the raffle!

Submit your bingo through this link!

The Categories:

(don't worry, all you really need to read here is the colored text. all the plain text is just examples to serve as a jumping-off point!)

Leave Some Love - compliment a blog/piece of work! Try leaving a nice comment under a Tumblr post, other social media posts, or even an AO3 work. Feeling a bit shy? Anonymously message someone who posts regularly about Johto. If you're brave, you might make a public call-out post targeting your some underrated people in the community (as a whole, not just the JEC). There's no one way to do it, but do try to be genuine about your compliments! It's no fun for anyone if you just say is "hey i like your stuff" and leave it at that. Please be mindful of how you submit your compliments---images are required for this task. Also, I can only confirm anon asks before they've been sent.

Draft a Drabble - write a fanfic that is at least 100 words long. For those not in the know, a drabble is a piece of fiction that is exactly 100 words long. Though, it's not a strict definition, as some drabbles may be a little more or a little less. Any subject is allowed as long as it's a creative story---you could write about an event, for example---so don't worry about limiting yourself to characters if that's not your thing!

Dig in the Details - write an analysis on any topic of your choosing. Want to pick apart a character's personality based on their manga dialogue? We'd love to hear it! Got an idea for the best possible competitive team using all Johto pokemon? Go for it! Just really need an excuse to complain about why the level curve is so bad? We've all been there! An essay would likely be the easiest way to do this, but there's no singular best method---you could even make a powerpoint presentation if you wanted!

Pick a Pocket Monster - choose any pokemon to discuss! Whether its your overall favorite, a particular partner you had on one of your playthroughs, or even your most expensive trading card, we want to hear everything that makes this pokemon stand out to you over the rest.

Doodle a Darling - draw a pokemon, character, item, location, or any other subject of your choosing. Drawings do not have to be full illustrations (though they certainly can be), nor is skill/quality a point of judgement here. If you feel like going the extra mile, you could even explain why you chose your particular subject!

Curate a Collection - create a compilation of media based on a certain subject. This might be a moodboard, collage, pinterest board, music playlist, fic rec, or even a gif set! Please keep in mind that as per our community's rules, you may not use any fanworks that you have not created yourself. Make sure to credit the sources of other pieces of media when appropriate.

Fix it with Fanon - share a headcanon/theory/etc. you enjoy! You might know how to fill a plothole from the manga, have an idea on how to fix a weird game mechanic, want to share your favorite AU, or even have a fakemon you designed just for Johto. As long as it's a fandom-original idea, it'll fit the bill!

Convince the Crowd - try to persuade everyone to agree with you on a certain topic! Maybe there's a pokemon type you believe trumps all others, or maybe you're really passionate about which movie it the best. You can also reply to points other people have made if you have an opposing view. Whatever you choose, be respectful when making your argument!

Knicks and Knacks - make an arts-and-crafts project themed around a topic of your choosing. The sky's the limit here---you could try your hand at little accessories like bracelets or pins, cobble together a short zine, make a paper doll, design cool profile icons or web stamps, stitch together an edit or meme, put on some cosplay, and so much more! As long as it's something you made with your own hands (so to speak), anything goes.

Script a Scenario - portray a situation using a medium other than standard illustration/writing. This could include playscripts, comics, texting fics, or even the photo booth feature in Pokemas! If you need to give a short written description to clarify what's going on, that's fine, but it shouldn't be the star of the show.

Free Space - Choose any of the above categories to complete!

The Minimum Requirements:

Images/GIFs - 500x500 px

Writing - 5-6 sentences or ~75 words

Moodboards/Pinterest Boards - 5 images

Collages - 5 main elements (not including minor decorations)

Playlists - 3 songs with a short explanation each

Fanfiction Recs - 3 works with a short explanation each

Made it through all that and still have questions? Feel free to leave them down in the comments and they'll be answered as soon as possible!

Good luck everyone, and mostly importantly, have fun!

[invisibleintrovertartist]

Announcement/personal update/vent post/Idk

Hi guys!

I've kinda tried avoiding making a post like this, because I'm trying not to overshare about my personal life here or seem like an attention seeker, but as things have kinda escalated lately and I don't want to disappear without any explanation, I'm going to shed some light as to why I took the short break from Tumblr last month in the first place.

As it is, my mental health has been deteriorating since last November, and things have gradually gotten worse and worse until I had a burnout, my depression resurfaced and I started experiencing somewhat severe anxiety. Among all of this, my inner self-talk has become very negative and has majorly affected the way I see my art. I feel my art is inadequate, "less than", not "cool enough" and even ugly, which has raised the bar for me to keep posting on Tumblr. The fact that my posts have gotten significantly less engagement lately has not been encouraging either to say the least... I know I shouldn't be ungrateful or whiny, and that attaching my self-value as an artist to the amount of notes my posts get is a recipe for disaster, but in my current mental state I just feel it affecting me more than it should — despite the sensible part in me telling me that everything's okay. And before I add anything else, I just want all of you who reblog and write nice tags and comments on my posts — especially the regulars — to know, that I read every single one of them, and they always cheer me up and humble me (I have even written some of them down on paper and come back to them often). ❤️

What I mean to say by all this is I guess, that Tumblr has kinda felt too much for me lately — or I've felt too little for it. I've tried resisting the impulse to just delete my blog and delete Tumblr and disappear into the oblivion forever, and I still keep resisting it. Some days it's easier, while somedays I'm only a single spoon away from doing the finger motions required to "delete your account" and "delete this app" for good.

I'm sort of doing better at the moment with the mental health stuff, but in all honesty I can't really say for sure, since my mood keeps swinging from top to bottom within a single day. To reassure you though, I have help irl and I'm not in imminent danger or anything like that — even my depression has subsided, though the anxiety still remains.

I probably need to take an even longer break from Tumblr, since I can't really see any other ways to deal with these issues, other than with myself in private. Thank you all who've been nice and friendly with me, who have interacted and included me even though I'm not the most sociable person. I'm positive that I'll get through this and things will eventually start to calm down and return to normal.

[scoobydoodean]

ever notice how no one dares argue with you guys? i think that's why the sources annoy them so much

PK dash simulator 2023:

Deangirls: [Post pro dean content]

Total strangers: Sorry to butt in [is not sorry]. I say this in totally good faith [I do not], but have you deangirls ever considered that maybe you're just too stupid to understand anything [pats us on the head]. I say this with all love and absolutely zero sources to support my assertions, but you are wrong about everything. You should probably leave the blogging about sErIoUs topics to us and just post funny things that poke slight fun at Dean. You wouldn't want to be insensitive to my personal trauma I've projected on the show, would you? 🥺👉👈 Picking at the other characters is acceptable but you need to make sure you make fun of Dean more. Otherwise, we might notice you actually like Dean the most and we might have to reconsider whether you belong here because liking Dean is actually very problematic if you're too serious about it. If you were intelligent enough to understand Supernatural, you'd agree with me and my friends, who are clearly your moral and intellectual superiors [pats us on the head again]. Don't make us come back here and try and shame you again for not thinking about Supernatural "right". We have other tools we can use to try and gain your compliance, like passing your posts around to all our friends, encouraging them to leave you deeply condescending, mocking, and passive aggressive tags. Or we could send you hate mail for months for discussing inconvenient facts that don't align with our views. But we're so nice aren't we? Hahaha. Yeah... everyone is good friends here. Anyway, I just thought you should know how things work here in case you forgot. Also Dean is the most popular so if you think there's bias against Dean here you aren't allowed to say that.

Me: What if you tucked your dick back in your pants and just went away from us?

Deancrits: Wow. I was being so nice. I can't believe scoobydoodean just threatened to rape me.

PK dash simulator 2024:

Deangirls: [blogging by themselves]

Total strangers: Do you guys think maybe deangirls are ruining the fandom by posting over in another area about Supernatural (2005) with their friends? I think it's kind of condescending for them to talk amongst themselves over there about stuff I don't agree on, don't you? Writing meta is actually pretentious if you think about it. They're also very boring and not fun. Maybe they should try making jokes. Wait but not like that because the joke should always be at Dean's expense. I mean haha I think we all agree that picking at the other characters is acceptable but they should make sure they make fun of Dean more. Otherwise, we might notice they actually like Dean the most and we might have to reconsider whether they belong here because liking Dean is actually very problematic if you're too serious about it. I mean obviously i don't think there's only one way to view the show haha. It's only deangirls who are so sure they are right about everything. I mean have you seen them adding sources to things? How stuck up. When I make assertions about how the show is, I just write down what I think and tell everyone it's fact and everyone claps and praises me for my moral superiority. Anyway, deangirls are ruining the fandom but I won't tell them this directly because I've heard they're all rapists, drunk drivers, and anti choicers, and they might make fart jokes that are insensitive to my personal trauma. Reliable sources told me all of this.

[joyinliving]

Shit to Do So You Don't Freak The Fuck Out

are you feeling hopeless? lost? scared out of your fucking mind? there's a lot of self care stuff out there- drink tea, take a bath, meditate, etc etc. those can be nice i guess, but sometimes, when shit sucks, the only way to make it through without collapsing is to do whatever you can do to help people. to prove that you do, actually, have some control. that you can have a real impact on the world around you.

i am compiling a list of things that can be done RIGHT NOW at no (or very low) cost to yourself that have a direct and real impact on the state of the world around us. i am taking submissions as well- just send an ask or say something in the tags and i'll add it.

list under the cut (it is very long and continues to grow)

Report price-gouging in California: go onto zillow (or some other rental site), set the location to any of the affected areas in CA, sort to your choosing, and go through the price history for rentals. if it has increased by over 10% during the state of emergency time period, report for price gouging.

Drive someone for free (to vote, to get groceries, to the library, etc.)

Visit a library: that space is for you to use! loitering is okay too- you will only be asked to leave if you are disrupting the functions of the library for other visitors. while you are there...

Get a library card: libraries rely on community engagement for funding and to know what people want. check out books, movies, and games! participate in events! request more books! look into the resources your library offers! i promise there are more than you know!

Speak with a librarian: ask what resources they know about. ask what you can do to benefit your community. ask what can be done to help the library.

Get food from a food bank: they rely on numbers of participants to prove the programs are effective, plus you won't be financially supporting grocery store chains!

Volunteer: volunteer with an animal shelter, a homeless shelter, a kitchen, a community garden, park cleanup, political action (like canvasing, encouraging voters), a hospital, a church, or any other work that your area needs help with

Petition, vote, and submit testimonies for local elections: action in your city, county, or state can have massive impact!

Make art: make posters, zines, patches, bracelets, street art! make a visible mark on the world

Make art (cont): write poetry, music, fiction, non-fiction. make your voice heard

Make information accessible: share paywalled articles and academic sources for free, provide alternative text for photos online, share notes from class, post information that isn't easily available

Ride the bus: much like the library and food banks, use proves usefulness! riding the bus can encourage more funding and maintenance for them. it's also cheaper and more environmentally friendly than personal vehicles

Wear a mask: especially around vulnerable populations

Resist gentrification: keep property costs down with graffiti, protest the introduction of gentrifying businesses, support locals

Study self improvement: Read The Power of Practice By Ng’ethe Maina and Staci K. Haines, study conflict resolution, think about the ways you can improve your relationship with yourself through your relationship with others and vice versa, practice patience

Call/email your representatives: tell them what they need to do. there should be templates available. if something is happening, let them know how the people feel about it

Write a list of all the ways you can make an impact here and now.

[thekristen999]

Inspiration Saturday.

Okay, so there's no art or songs to share, but I was inspired today. Real life took over last week, I barely had a minute to spare, but I hope to catch up in reading teasers and posted fic this weekend. Thanks to everyone for tagging me!

In the meantime, I made process on my mythical bakery AU. I'm at 11k words! I hope to finish in the next week or so. :)

Other snippets here.

..

He and Buck sat quietly, not needing words, sharing a comfortable silence. Buck's head leaning on Eddie's shoulder, their legs touching. Eddie’s stomach felt happy, a warm feeling that curled around his body, and into his fingers and toes. It was nice…. too nice. "You used shavings of the forest vanilla in the batter, didn’t you?" "Maybe?" Buck said not so innocently. A golden owl had given them a single deep forest vanilla bean as gift. A bean so flavorful, it elevated any dessert. And Buck had used some of it in their pancakes. "We should have saved it for a special occasion." "I did." "This isn’t a special occasion, Buck." Buck sat up on the sofa, pinning him with an expression of disbelief. "Why not? I don’t believe in waiting until a certain day to enjoy something, Eds. Why should we wait to treat ourselves with kindness." For a moment, Eddie was back in therapy, trying to keep from falling down the giant pit trying to swallow him whole, Frank’s words about self-care falling on deaf ears. But now… "I don't know how often I've been lectured about..." he sighed, struggling with his words, Buck wrapping his fingers around Eddie's hand in encouragement. "About it being okay to indulge. That it shouldn't be saved for a rainy day." "No, it shouldn't. You wouldn't deny yourself food or water. We should treat being gentle with ourselves in the same way." A sense of relief, of hope, washed over Eddie, leaving him warm and content. "When you say stuff like that, it actually makes sense." "It does?" "The world," Eddie released a breath, squeezing Buck’s hand, "always makes more sense with you in it."

..

tagging a few people who might be interested or what to share.

@mellaithwen @homerforsure @spotsandsocks @tizniz

@dangerpronebuddie @hippolotamus @andavs @exhuastedpigeon

@steadfastsaturnsrings @ci5mates @diazsdimples @diazheartsbuckley

@ronordmann @elenaazra @inell @thebestbooksaround

@buffaluff @thelikesofus @verylazyanimal

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

My Work on Archive Of Our Own

Please ignore if me gushing about the reception of my fics is irritating. I understand there are some people who genuinely hate when fanfic writers do this, so I'm putting it under the cut so you don't have to see it!

(And fair warning; if this irritates you and you still decide to click 'keep reading' and you then decide that I am obviously up myself so I deserve a hate anon or several, I need to preemptively remind you that I gave you the choice not to engage. You will be blocked and I shall call you a silly little guy if you do this.)

I also would like to make this an invitation to anyone who wants to share their proudest stats, or a nice comment they got, or even just something they are really really happy about in having written their fic. (No need to click read more, just go for it and use this as your excuse to show some pride.) On any platform!

Gonna tag the following: @lya-dustin @ewanmitchellcrumbs @the-common-cowgirl @the-wonderland-madnesss @marthawrites

@vampire-exgirlfriend @exitpursuedbyavulcan @emilykaldwen @ripdragonbeans @aegonx

Feel free to turn this into a pass-on game, if you like! We should celebrate the things that make us happy, too. ❤️

I've not ever really posted about this because, IDK, I worry about being considered a conceited asshole. I figure, though, that this is my blog and my safe space and if I want to celebrate something I'm proud of then I should be able to do so. Nor am I implying that I believe this is any sort of metric of popularity or superiority, OR that I write for the sole purpose of validation through clicks and numbers. I have very little interest in engaging with any of that rhetoric. NO. It's just a convenient bonus, kinda like how I love my job and the fact I get paid is awesome but not my primary reason for doing it.

Okay, I think I've got the disclaimers out the way? (Can never be too sure with fandom.)

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reads my stuff. Not only on here, but on Archive Of Our Own, which is more or less a place I consider the Ultimate Fanfiction Site (TM). It used to be fanfiction.net for me, but then their ads got annoying and their content ban gross, so AO3 it is! I've read fanfiction on AO3 since I was like 13, and I still find it crazy beyond belief that my work is not only on there, but that it gets any sort of traction at all.

As a little acknowledgement of something I'm proud of, I wanted to document my stats on my big series, terms of endearment, as of June 2024. It is by and large the biggest project I have ever done, and I've poured countless hours of researching, writing and editing into it.

darilaros (princess)

Words: 48,843 Comments: 254 Kudos: 801 Bookmarks: 111 Hits: 21,971

gevivys (beauty)

Words: 52,147  Comments: 578  Kudos: 2,965  Bookmarks: 490  Hits: 106,019

dōnus riñus (sweet girl)

Words: 58,775 Comments: 660 Kudos: 3,414 Bookmarks: 635 Hits: 141,339

ilībītsos (little slut)

Words: 62,725 Comments: 556 Kudos: 1,880 Bookmarks: 289 Hits: 99,939

ñuhus prūmȳs (my heart)

Words: 104,063 Comments: 1,188 Kudos: 2,274 Bookmarks: 368 Hits: 110,356

jorrāeliarzus (beloved) (ongoing)

Words: 38,451 Comments: 234 Kudos: 454 Bookmarks: 86 Hits: 16,208

That makes for a total of 365,004 words; 3,470 comments; 11,788 kudos; 1979 bookmarks; and 495,832 hits. Jesus Christ.

To everyone who kudos'ed, commented, bookmarked, subscribed or even just clicked on the link to the fic, thank you very much. This series has grown and grown, not just in my head but also in audience. It's given me so much encouragement and support in my writing, and a feeling like maybe I am decent at this? I don't know. I used to write when I was a kid, but I stopped during high school. Rediscovering the joy of it hasn't just been rewarding in terms of having fun with it, but also in discovering that there are people who genuinely want to read what I'm putting out. I've spent a lot of my life feeling powerless and silenced, so this really means so much to me.

I am going to keep on writing for as long as I possibly can, because I genuinely haven't found a hobby as long-lived and fulfilling as this.

Thank you. I'm so very lucky. I'm so grateful. I love you all!

[sofiadragon]

Pro-Ship just means Anti-Censorship

Come with me to the land of metaphor...

Imagine the beach. It's a beautiful hot day, and our protagonist Mannie Straw, wants a lovely safe day of sunbathing and some ice cream. Such a simple, easy plan. Appleton Oceanview is such a popular resort town, with lots of services and plenty of signage to help people get where they need to go. Mannie just wants to sunbathe and get ice cream, but it's popular and has a simpler vibe than all the flashing lights of Wattown, while Findersfield is just so dingy-looking and old-fashioned.

Mannie goes to sit on the beach, laying out a nice straw mat she brought so she can sit and enjoy the view of the ocean. Oh no, there's a really big guy in a Speedo right in front of the spot she picked! He's so scary, and why is he wearing such a tiny little thing? Doesn't he know that many women have trauma that makes them feel uncomfortable around really big guys? Not that she has trauma, but she doesn't want to see someone like him all exposed like that. He shouldn't be allowed to walk around like that where everyone can see. Besides, she came here to enjoy the ocean and the sun. Ugh, this is ruining her sunbathing. She could move, but she's already put down all her stuff.

She leaves the beach with a nice tan, having read several chapters of a lovely lesbian romance novel, but fed up and irritated because that big guy and his friends were so close to her. She passes a sign that says there is a clothing-optional gender-segregated area between the piers, but she shouldn't have to walk all that way just to avoid seeing men in Speedos. They should at least be in proper shorts!

Inside the resort, Mannie Straw follows signs to the ice cream shop. There are so many flavors and toppings! She loves chocolate and caramel the best, but oh no! There is a piña colada flavor, and a picture of a piña colada sundae is right in front of her when she walks up to the counter. There could be unaccompanied children here! She doesn't see any now, but there could be, and what about recovering alcoholics? If they taste a piña colada flavored ice cream, they might relapse! The advert clearly states that there is no alcohol in the sundae, it's made with fictional rum, but it could encourage alcoholics and small children to seek out real alcohol somewhere else. This is ruining her day! The teenager working behind the counter sees she is looking at the piña colada flavored ice cream and offers her a taste, and instead of saying she'd prefer chocolate and caramel, she takes it because free ice cream is free ice cream. She buys her preferred sundae, but the taste of coconut lingers in her mouth for a while and there is a bit of crushed pineapple between her teeth. She fills out a comment card about how much she hates the flavor of coconut and why there should be no alcohol-themed flavors because that promotes alcoholism in children.

Mannie Straw goes home, convinced she had a terrible day.

But she didn't have to, she could have avoided it all.

I break down the metaphor into what actually happened under the cut.

Censorship mentality as an -ism

She searched for what she wanted, perhaps a character or TV show tag, but the things that came up had a lot of unwanted content in her first search. Instead of trying a different search, or using the exclude tags feature, she just kept on looking at the things she didn't want to look at. She didn't want to put the effort in to avoid seeing those things, either by using the exclude tag feature [the segregated beach] or by refining her search [picking a spot further away from the Speedo guys,] she just wanted them to not be there in the first place. That's censorship, and while the specific thing Mannie doesn't want around might make sense to her, someone else might have the exact same objection to her reading a romance novel about lesbians! She'd be very upset if the thing she liked was censored. It's selfish for her to want everything in a library to cater to her desires. Might as well object to the shelf of home improvement books in the library because you are renting. It's not there for you, move on.

Depending on what dog whistle you think is underneath my description of a 'big man' I'm comparing it to racism, sexism, and body shaming. That our Strawman can cite a legitimate reason someone might not want that sort of person/story in their face doesn't make censorship a good thing. She still got what she wanted from the beach, the content she didn't want to engage with didn't prevent her from reading what she wanted to read, she just didn't like that she was near to people/ideas she didn't like the look of. She could have just looked away, and in fact, she did! It is her responsibility as an adult to handle her own day. In the same way, you don't have to read every story that shows up in your AO3 search. Pick what looks good to you! Curate your experience.

Ice Cream as Problematic Content

Is the ice cream shop promoting alcoholism by having a cocktail flavor? If you say yes then you're so far down the puritanical rabbit hole I'm not going to reach you with this post. In the same way that there is no real rum in the ice cream, fictional characters are also not real and can't be harmed. They are dolls - toys people play with. We don't say a young boy roughly playing with his little green army men until they break is the same as a murderer. From underage romance to serial killers, this is all pretend. Fiction is the ultimate safe space, you can't be hurt here. You can be triggered while safe in your bed with all your comfort items around to soften it and help you process. Some people do that on purpose!

Specific example: In making the movie Crimson Peak, no actual underage boy and his murderous sister engaged in CSA for years before he turned on her to save the first person he genuinely felt love for. Tom is fictional, and no matter how horrific his story is, it isn't causing harm to real living children to publish a story with CSA as a foundational plot point. If a six-year-old sneaks into the movie theater or streams the movie at home, that's a parenting failure and not a reason to censor or ban the rated-R gothic horror movie. It is not the job of Guillermo del Toro or anyone else who helped make it to keep kids away from this movie. Children shouldn't be on the internet unsupervised. It was a very successful movie, praised for the art of the story and the incredible sets. Lots of fanfiction set in that universe is going to directly handle these really messed up topics, and if you are just in that tag to fantasize about Tom Hiddleston's perfect ass there is some work you will need to do to make sure you are just getting the fluffy romance happy ending where Lucille falls overboard on the way back to England.

Are all people who read those darker stories monsters who want to do these things in real life? No! In fact, most people who read them are doing so because feeling scared or grossed out in a safe space is what they want. It's the same as a roller coaster or a house of mirrors. Some people like being scared in a safe way. Just because our Strawman prefers fluffy happy fix-it stories and sapphic romance doesn't mean other people can't enjoy darker themes.

Gothic Horror in particular is a genre full of the wildest sexual assault, incest, and violent murder - and it is often written by women so we do not need to make it a safe space for the ladies. It is not a coincidence that gothic horror is more popular among women, who are more likely to be victims of sexual violence. While our Strawman is virtue signaling, a lot of people with the traumas she's supposedly talking about are the people writing and consuming these stories as a way to process their experiences. An alcoholic might get the cocktail-flavored ice cream because they have a craving and don't want to risk 'just one drink' to satisfy it. A victim of sexual assault might read a story about a rape to safely revisit what happened to them and put those bad thoughts out of mind again.

Personal Responsibility and Selfishness

Throughout, our Strawman had chances to avoid the things she didn't want to interact with. She didn't want to be near certain types of people, but she didn't want to move to get away from them. She didn't want to eat piña colada flavored ice cream, but she didn't want to turn down a free sample.

This is the same as someone who wants to enjoy a specific type of story in a fandom that has a lot of content they aren't interested in. That's fine. She can do that, nobody is forcing her to read anything. The problem is that she insists on engaging with things that she doesn't like. She accepts the sample, looks at fanart or reads the first chapter of a story about a ship that squicks her, instead of just scrolling on or hitting the back button. It is selfish to think that everything you ever interact with will be to your taste. I'm not going to demand onions be banned from my local grocer because I'm allergic to them. 17 year old boys in the pharmacy can't demand the tampons be moved out of the aisle with the condoms so they don't have to think about periods. (Where I live all that stuff is always in the same place.)

Not everything is for you. Something that makes you feel the ick might make someone else feel more secure. The tender care shown during the aftercare in a well-written BDSM story might make one person feel cozy while someone else might be too focused on how much that would hurt and only feel alarmed and upset. Some people might read a romance between adults with a big age gap and think it is sweet that this twenty-five-year-old man will give a domestic abuse survivor fifteen years older than him a chance at starting over, while someone else can only think about how gross it is that his new step-daughter is close enough in age to him to be his little sister. Some people read a story about a teen girl with a crush on her teacher and see grooming when he gently rebuffs her, others see a fairly common teenage experience they can relate to... and even if they end up together ten chapters later that's a fantasy being fulfilled in a safe way because it isn't real.

Sometimes it's just a fantasy, and nothing works the way it would in real life. Sometimes as an adult, you want to eat ice cream for lunch. It isn't healthy, but that's the choice that was made and I believe we should have enough freedom to make that choice. It's our personal responsibility to regulate our own media diet, just the same as we do for food. That's just how being a responsible adult works.

Watching cliché pornos doesn't make mentally healthy people expect strange things from the pizza delivery guy. If it did that to you, get therapy. It's absolutely a you problem, and your responsibility to handle it.

[evenmyhivemindisempty]

Ahoj, Bhol Expert! What gestures/acts make the Boyds feel genuinely deep-down loved?

Steve Murphy: Being allowed and encouraged to vent! Steve wants permission to express his feelings! Canonically he gets pretty hang-dog whenever he’s trying to complain or confide to Connie or Javi and they pull the brakes or change the subject.

Donald Pierce: Being prioritized. He wants to feel like he’s important, that his loved ones care about his needs! Whether that’s “I know you’re having a hard day, how about I skip the happy hour and we hang out tonight?” or “of course we can just cuddle and watch a movie instead of fucking!” He especially likes when he’s specifically prioritized over others too. He likes knowing he’s the favorite!

Cap Hatfield: He feels the most loved during companionable silences. Knowing that he can just exist with someone without having to say a word or even do anything?? Cap adores the easy comfort of hanging out on a boat, or in front of a fire, or cuddling in a sleeping bag. Maybe wordlessly offering them a piece of meat.

Clement Mansell: For Clement’s it’s being told he’s loved. The words are important to him! In fact, they take his breath away! It’s maybe a bit of a personality flaw of his – he’ll sometimes get suckered in by pretty words and it’ll take him longer than it should to realize the actions don’t match up.

The Corinthian: Being accepted for the thing he is. That’s all he wanted from Dream! He feels the most loved when someone can look at him clearly and say, yes, you’re perfect just as you are, I want you.

Eli Klaber: Being given gifts! But it’s specifically gotta be gifts that suit him. The price tag isn’t what matters. Being given, like, a nice set of golf clubs or a bottle of whiskey means literally nothing to him. But being given a silk teddy, or even a small bag of cute heart-shaped candy? That shows they know him!

Danny Maguire: It’s pretty specific for Danny. I think it’s a version of quality time, but almost like… age play lite?? More childish, low-key activities are the way to get him to relax and feel appreciated – whether that’s playing some kind of make-believe, or playing board games, or making a pillow fort and watching cartoons. I think it’s often difficult for him to let him guard down otherwise! These moments are when he feels the most loved!

Vic Owen: Being allowed to be kind of weird around someone else, and they take it in stride. He doesn’t wanna be made to feel like a freak – he just wants to be comfortable to be himself around someone else and have them not judge him for it! He wants to be able to stim freely!

Ty Shaw: Lol this is gonna sound weird, but… for Ty, I think it’s being obeyed. Not in a tyrannical way, or even a dom kind of way (although, it can be), but essentially he’s been in charge of the Shaw household since he was a kid, and although I think he’s one of the few characters that’s alright with that level of adultification/responsibility (he doesn’t desperately desire being relieved of control), it does make things easier when he’s deferred to. When his advice is listened to! When the chicken is taken out of the freezer to thaw so it’s ready for him to cook when he comes home from work!

Quinn McKenna: It’s the little stuff for Quinn! Someone helping him sew on a button, or going out to buy that brand of toilet paper he likes when he’s out of stock! Quinn feels most loved when he’s being taken care of in tangible ways!

[harryinramshackle]

Oh my god 2025 ummm what the fuck amirite (it's not even for me yet it's over 10pm)

Okay so um hi hey hello. What a year huh (at least for me). So wild I transed my whole gender like damn the she/her to he/him pipeline was so real but ANYWAYS

I already said quite a bit during Christmas here but I would be lying if I said I didn't have a million more things to say. Even more to some certain mutuals/friends that have really been nothing but kind to me. Some old ones, some recent ones, I can't list everyone but I genuinely just appreciate any amount of support and love, big or small.

I've been thinking about whether I should directly say a few things to some mutuals/friends for a while (and I already have to some, but I don't mind repeating myself lol), but I think New Year's is the perfect chance to do so.

Apologies for the tagging in advance SUDISAHFIUHISDE

-

@crystallizsch I have already expressed to you how much I appreciate and grateful I am to you for encouraging me to make this blog, way before we had ever even interacted. I love you a lot buddy, you're absolutely the best<3

@oya-oya-okay OYAAA OYA OYAAA!!! I love you sm my darling friend, your kind words and support have genuinely been some of the biggest reasons I pushed through this year. I know the latter part of this year has been really hard for you, but I want you to know you have my support for whatever you need <3

@viperbunnies YOU HAVE MADE ME SOBBED SM ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR GIFTS. I sometimes go back to see your art of my persona or my oc just to make myself feel a little better. Ty for making me feel part of this amazing community (PS. I still get shroompocalypse war flashbacks/j) <3

@fell-e We have mostly chatted on Discord recently and legit you're one of the funniest and nicest people I've had the pleasure of talking to! I can't wait to interact more in 2025, you're such a nice person to be around <3

@lficanthaveloveiwantpower Hi Nah! We don't interact really one-on-one, but the kind words you've given me have always made me smile. You're one of the biggest reasons I got comfortable with openly self-shipping and sharing my thoughts about my f/os. And don't even let me mention how much joy your art has given me, you're seriously one of the best artists I've had the pleasure of being mutuals with <3

@theolivetree123 I'm a sucker for your ocs I won't even lie they're always so creative and fun! Still remember the time you asked to be mutuals and I just DIE/pos. It really was a pleasant surprise and I look forward to every post you make, whether it's art or just talking about your ocs and dynamics! You're extremely creative you genuinely inspire me a lot <3

@sunnysidesevenup I KNNNNOOOOWWWW we became moots pretty recently but like. You're so cool dude wtf. Legit freaked out when YOU followed ME first. I got cold feet about following you back for a while ahaha.....but I'm so happy I did you're such a fun dude I love your creations so much too (low-key biased towards Tilly...I love him sm and for what...)

@jadelover69 MIMI YOU ARE SO FUN, JUST SOO FUN TO INTERACT WITH YOUR WHOLE ENERGY IS SOOO SDUBHDSJNAGISBSJDH/POS your reblogs always make me giggle, even if it's just you straight up dying <3 Tysm for showing so much love for my creations, it means the absolute world

@summerspook You madman. I can't believe we've been friends for almost 2 years online. You have helped me through so much stuff, sometimes I even felt guilty about it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being one of my bestest friends, talking to you is one of the main things I look forward to every day, I can't express how much appreciate you and our friendship <3

-

OKAY THIS IS ALL FOR NOW there are more of you but I can't articulate my thoughts and feelings the best, but either way I love and appreciate all of you with all my heart.

New Year's has slowly lost its meaning for me (I'm neutral about it) but at least I get to use it to show my application to the people who have been with me this year, mutual or not tbh <3

Also if you wanna say something back but not publically, dms are open for mutuals <3

[astradyke]

help I am going to see the tour in less than a month and I don’t know enough lore. I’ve been watching as much as possible but who should I follow here any dnp blog recs?

HI ANON! sorry i am replying to you so late it's been a busy week ^_^

ugh i could gush about all my mutuals but i will TRY to keep this contained. also if i didnt mention you but you're awesome please like self promo off this post .

@thisdayindnphistory <- archive feature will be super helpful! Literally THE place to catch up on lore/important dates, even scrolling through can help you paint a better picture of certain years!! love this blog a lot it's a major help in web weaves :P

@purpurussy has successfully found like any post that i need whenever i need it b/c they're a miracle worker but also does like really great analysis posts & has awesome tags on things too

@phantasticphizza and @blossoms-phan CEO of cool mutuals who make me extremely happy when i see them on the dash and also I think both of them are awesome to follow in general so i'm just going to flail at you encouraging u to follow :3

@bitchslapblastoids ALWAYS allowed to cook in the kitchen and has a good handle on lore stuff too i feel like!!! Idk!! Follow!!!!!! My really cool mutual who has really good posts on stuff

@gamora-borealis awesome awesome awesome Follow this account smiles

@dnpbeats knows SO much about dan and phil lore and is like ... Like she has several claims to fame in her bio i feel like that's enough evidence this is THE blog to follow ever

@freckliedan knows SO much all the time makes awesome posts about many such things and just knows a lot!!! Lot of cool stuff on this blog has like helped me find info n stuff so many times. jam is lovely :]

Fuck I got so many more @deadandphilgames @phuckingphan @laprasboat @ingydar-phan @oldphanny @absolutefilthimsosorry @thighguys <- ALL OF THESE FOLKS ARE REALLY COOL AND MAKE REALLY AWESOME POSTS!!! I WOULD YAP ABOUT THEM SEPARATELY BUT THIS IS REALLY LONG im sorry ily!! Their cool posts speak for themselves though thumbs up

Also tentative because I'm bad at tracking mutual main blogs so if we are not properly mutuals i am SO SORRY and will be embarrassed forever but @yonpote @lizardsmp3 extremely EXTREMELY extremely cool blogs. Like very cool. the coolest. Please follow these two blogs i am really major fans<3 and i would argue these r required follows to maximize the phannie experience

I hope this is helpful anon!!!!!! If you ever feel like you need to catch up on a specific lore thing you can always fling that out into tags and people will graciously catch you with their massive knowledge (not me because i kind of don't know anything and rely upon aforementioned mutuals to nicely tell me information and i go okay <3 yay <3) but u are always welcome in the inbox!!!!!! <3

I HOPE U HAVE SO MUCH FUN AT TIT!!!!!!!!!

[prettyfdolly]

Hello everyone~

I’ll update this as needed

*liking, commenting, adding on, reblogging, etc. are all ok and ENCOURAGED!! Notifications make me horny lol*

I’m 19 and I live in the USA (my pronouns are she/they and gender is confusing, but I like femme terms most of the time)(also I’m bi with a slight slight preference men/masc ppl)

I am very opinionated in non-kink context, so if you like Trump, do not support Palestinians right to exist in their home, do not support trans and/or gay people, think that what is happening in the us is ok and normal, etc etc, let’s talk about it bcs I disagree with you. If you cannot behave like you have common decency then you’ll be blocked. This is still a kink blog I don’t have to deal with anything I don’t want to.

I truly believe that America can come back from this, but only if we work together as a people.

(Comments & asks can be as kinky as you would like, but please treat DMs like you just saw me on the street and see me as a real person)

Here are some things you can do to make me not want to talk to you:

- not have your age in your bio/be a minor (blocked)

- ask me for pics if you’ve followed me for less than a day and haven’t tried to talk to me much (I will only send when I want to and to the people I want to send to. If you don’t like it go away rn pls)

- ask me questions abt information that is immediately available to you (here or from my bio)

-send me pics without asking

- not able to separate this from reality (I am content knowing I will not find me soulmate on here and don’t want to lol)

- call me mean names before I know that you’ll call me nice ones too

- ask me to meet up I WILL NOT MEET YOU IRL!!! A lot of people have talked to me about where I live so that we could potentially have a session within the first WEEK of talking to me online. I don’t even know your name lol. (Hypothetical kinky stuff is different)

- coming to me to dominate you (I am a switch for the right people and it’s probably not you if you do this)

- get on my nerves about not responding to you fast enough if we don’t have an established convo (quickest way to give me the ick)

Kinks:

I have a bunch, so I’m not going to write them all out. You can find a bunch of them on my page. Which you should read ���� I probably at least kind like whatever you’re thinking about, so feel free to ask:)

It’s important to know that “why” is my favorite question. If I ask you why you like something it’s bcs I think the why is hotter than the actual thing. I don’t do it constantly, but if it bothers you then you won’t like me lol

Limits:

Being pissed on (sorry guys), underage anything(I did not exist until the day I turned 18 in kink context), guns, actual sedation, broken bones, stabbing, (plastic) surgery, shit, vomit, literally anything that has to do with food (food control, sitting, gaining/losing weight), heavy degradation, snakes and worms, vore, packophilia, thinking aftercare is a kink, emotional abuse, farts, pregnancy (breeding is ok tho!)

Alcohol in ANY way (in love w weed tho)

While I enjoy a lot of aspects of CNC I do not love the word rape

Findom of any kind will never be ok with me, but if people want to send me money just because they like me I’ll accept it :p

I try to be organized with my tags but I’m not the best