#i should start a whole tag of that wanna bet how many posts would be there

[urmomification]

SWAG ANOTHER DREAM SMP AU FIC IDEA THAT ILL NEVER WRITE POG

this is a very long post please im so sorry my brain it just

(tw for like slight possession n shit)

(sorry its all jumbled i write all of these in discord to my friend and copy paste them here please if u have questions ask me im always willing to talk abt this shit please it haunts me)

(context: i saw a tiktok abt the hc that both dream and techno are gods of some sort bc theyre mentioned in the tales of the smp by karl a time traveller and my brain just ran w it)

going back to the techno and dream are gods thing right so dream is a vessel for the god dream xd (??? work in progress youll know what im talking about at some point its really funny tho uve def seen clips of it) and he was possessed?? by the god after the server started (when he started going from super friendly with everyone to control/power hungry) when he started sacrificing everything for power so no one could have power over him? that was the god making him do it bc the god was terrified of not being in control since theyd lost it all to techno in their past. thats why we never see dream and techno fight and why we see dream extend help and support to him at times as well as respecting his boundaries and such bc theyre scared of techno (again w the best of 10 duel reference, techno killed the god in a past life which is why the god has been forced to use a human vessel to get anything done on the mortal plane) but when something that powerful spends pretty much any amount of time in something mortal and mundane like a person, the host body starts to change (hence the mask) i like to think that the god would be akin to that of a biblically correct angel?? like the ones w multiple eyes n shit yk so after time things start to happen to normal dreams body he gets extra sets of eyes and he gets taller and overall his body seems just Too Small for whatevers inside of him and thats why he (hc) started wearing the mask in the first place he knew something was wrong w him but he didnt want anyone to know even tho they would most likely help him he was ashamed that he was different in the first place so he started wearing the mask once the other eyes showed up. and i think that the god would talk to dream similarly to how technos voices work yk? except its just the one voice instead of many many small ones. and again with the mask thing when he lost to tommy and they took him in, part of his mask broke to the point where u could see just a bit of the right side of his face but enough to see that it Wasnt Right there were two eyes where there shouldve been one and spots on his cheeks bright enough to resemble stars and where the color of his pupil should have been is just a sickeningly neon green with nothing else behind it. so they let him keep the mask even tho they already know something is wrong but it clearly makes him Very Distressed when asked to remove the mask or told to give it up. blah blah blah god harassing its host bc it got them caught and thrown in a prison and dream goes ever so slightly insane having to share a mind and body with a literal ancient god w a vendetta against everything hes built whos forced him to sacrifice everything he loved and cared for out of fear yk the usual prison shit and then techno comes a long and breaks him out or whatever but on their way back to his house he drops a really cryptic line abt how 'its nice to see an old friend again' and 'i thought i got rid of u for good last time' and dream is just ???? what are u talking about?? weve never been friends and youve never gotten rid of me? what. until techno spins around and just 'im not talking to you im talking to the thing inside u' or whatever and dreams eyes flash some brilliant gold or sumn and boom this is ur fellow god speaking how may i help you and dream xd (that feels so wrong to say but) and techno bond or well ig just talk abt how the past centuries have gone and ig while xd is fronting (??? i think itd kinda be like DID in a sense w multiple people being able to front yk?) dream is in a sort of semi conscious state but still hears everything going on around his own body until hes thrown back into the drivers seat (i think that xd would only be able to front for short periods of time due to the vessel n shit that makes sense right) and hes so confused someone please help him hes just a dude who happened to get possessed by a god someone help him so when they finally get back to technos house he sits dream down and explains the best he can without literally melting dreams brain. which would also play into the 'technoblade never dies' bc hes. literally a god. mortals cant kill him unless they have idk some sort of super weapon idk and blah blah blah xd gets what they want and finally has the ability to leave finally leaving dream literally the shell of a man with no home friends materials or anything with techno to basically take care of him until he reaches some semblance of stability again (which would take ages, realistically (wdym realistically) going from normal, to a god sharing a body with you and speaking in you brain living as a single being together and hearing their thoughts, to back to normal but with all the memories of what you did and what they made you do and also no more god speaking in ur head it would take a hot sec to recover from) so he lives with techno (whos, not to mention, another god) for a while until he can fend for himself again and after a good year or so passes and no one hears from dream they start to look for him and see what happened bc he went from the biggest threat on the server to just. gone. no one knows where he went after whatever he did and they want closure. is he dead?? who knows. so george and sap set out looking for him and decide to ask techno for help since hes good w directions n shit also he was the last person to see dream alive so he might have an idea of where he is and they walk up to his house and knock on his door and techno opens it and just stares at them he knows who they are, dreams talked about them before but hes never met them really so he talks to them, getting through the polite hellos how are yous before sap finally asks 'do you know what happened to dream? no one knows where he went and we just want closure' techno huffs and tells them to wait there he (this is the basement door im using his arctic tundra house in my head) goes down the ladder to the second basement, they can hear him talking to multiple people (ranboo phil dream) but cant tell who everyone is before coming back up the ladder, back to the door. he tells them to wait outside he needs to get something first (its dream hes getting dream) theyre standing out by carls stable when the door creaks open and dream steps out looking around for who the fuck could possibly be looking for them he betrayed everyone and most people thought he was dead who could possibly be here asking for himself and not ranboo or philza and when he steps out, his green hoodie (memento made by ranboo to help him cope w the loss of the voice in his head) catching the morning light off the snow and he was happy and then he saw them standing by the house hed grown to call home at least for now he breaks. he missed them so so much it hurt. he never expected to see them ever again much less them come looking to see him but hes scared he realizes he doesnt know what to say there is nothing to say he fucked them all over he ruined everything and then hes being hugged. they missed him too. they dont forgive him jsut yet but they missed him and thats enough for him right now. the three of them stand there just being in each others presences and techno creaks the door open to make sure they arent trying to kill each other and sighs and leans against the frame smiling. hes happy again and thats the best he can do for him. he invites them all in and offers to explain everything to them to try and ease the blame off of dream bc in all honesty it was his fault but xd made it far far worse that it should have been (a bit late but foot note abt xd i think that they would be an idle god until someone w intense feelings of powerlessness and insecurity like awoke them from their techno induced slumber and inhabited dream to help him fulfill his desires for power and control) and by the time he and dream are finished its late at night and sap and george are ??? so u were possessed by a god who techno killed centuries ago in a duel and it amplified ur feelings of insecurity and ur thirst for control to the point of isolating urself from us and destroying everything everyone cared abt?? also technos an ancient god who lusts for bloodshed but also makes turtle farms in his free time?? are we getting this right????? and techno and dream are just yea thats abt it glad this all made sense then they all go to bed (its a small house dream has a lil shack like ranboos and sap and george somehow slept over there for the night) and in the morning sap and george leave again but promise to come back, they still arent ready to forgive and forget bc even tho it wasnt all his fault his emotions getting away from him is what caused this all in the first place so they do need time to process now that they know he isnt dead and dream continues to live near techno in almost full independence and eventually moves back with his friends even tho many still hate him. hes happy and for now thats enough. another foot note; even after xd leaves his being, he still has the extra eyes, glowy freckles n is xtra tall n shit that cant just be reversed but now that hes himself again these things take their tolls on human bodies so i think hed have something at least similar to arthritis bc of how his bones were literally manipulated bc of how strong ethereal magic or whatever is. so he would still wear the broken mask but he takes it off now and is ok with it being off hes working on getting better now that hes himself again and everyone living w/by techno is helping him with that. also i think that he would get blinks of xd's memories like from when techno was killing them and have sumn like ptsd panic attacks from it and techno feels super guilty abt it but theres literally nothing he can do except apologize and after the first few times dream stopped him from apologizing bc it is his fault but he didnt do it to him so it doesnt matter to dream at least and they live in pretty much harmony until dream finally moves back in w george and sap the end. he also started wearing the mask in the first place bc of the extra eyes but he played it off as being uncomfortable around new people and not wanting them to know what he looked like until he trusted them (bc that literally makes sense irl how funky is that) so sap and george never pushed him and when they caught him without it on on the rare occasion they wouldnt pressure him to leave it off or anything even tho they already knew what he looked like (when they respect ur boundaries </3) they just assumed that it was insecurity (it was but also mans had like 3 eyes so) and just left him alone

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part VI

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, mention of blackmail, all characters are adults.

Words: 1567.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

________

You spent the rest of your evening like a somnambulist, barely able to concentrate on your projects before you went to bed, barely finishing half of the things you planned for today. Even the change of locks didn't make you as happy as you thought it would. It felt like something between a dream and a nightmare.

Lying in the dark, you stared at the ceiling, thinking of what happened just a couple of hours ago. Why did he do it? Was it just out of habit and didn’t mean anything? Naturally, with his appearance and easy-going attitude, he probably dated many girls and didn’t think much before kissing someone he liked.

Remembering the way he talked to you in the morning, you thought he must have pretended to be shy around you. Thor certainly wasn’t sheepish.

Was it all a sham? Was Loki right about all of them, playing their roles to get close to you? You couldn’t forget the way Thor looked the moment he told you about being smart. It was like something switched inside him, and for a second you saw the real Thor who was far from being your simple, good-natured athlete.

Why did you keep thinking about that stupid kiss even after seeing the man could be dangerous?

Aroused and angry, you tossed and turned until you fell asleep.

____________

Waking up was especially tough, despite the fact you didn't really do much yesterday, meaning you were going to spend your weekend studying. Shoot, and that's when you planned to visit that new chocolate boutique in the city. Maybe you could still make it if you spent more time studying today?

But then again, going to the city alone might be a bad idea. Even if the guys who stole your things were beaten, it didn't mean it had always been the same people following you. The school was full of weirdos, in the end. What if somebody went after you? Steve would definitely say you had to bring one of your guards with you.

Damn. It was better staying in the dorm then.

"Good morning! Are you ready?" Peter's voice broke through the silence, and you flinched, hurriedly applying some lipstick because you didn't have enough time to put your makeup properly.

Well, at least you were fully dressed.

"Just give me a second!" Picking up your bag, you put your shoes on and opened the door, looking at a young guy who's face was lit up like a Christmas tree. "Hi!"

He definitely liked what he saw, and you felt your cheeks growing hot from embarrassment. From the very start of the semester Peter acted very sweet around you, and you thought you could be friends with him. He wouldn't do something as ugly as blackmailing, would he? Thor said it too. Clearly, Steve was exaggerating.

"Did you sleep well? I've heard you changed your lock, so now it'll be better."

"Ugh, I hope so. But I still sleep with my dresser blocking the door." Sighing, started walking, afraid to look in the faces of other students, hurrying off to school.

They must have been disgusted, watching you being friendly with one guy after being all lovey-dovey with the other just yesterday. Although you didn't see anyone in particular, you were sure somebody saw Thor kissing you. And now you were walking the corridors with Peter.

"By the way, what's your Insta?"

What? Your Instagram? Whatever for? Although you had no idea why he needed it, you let him add you, by the time leaving the dorm and walking towards the main building.

Suddenly, Peter got pretty close, his arm on your waist as he lifted up his phone and hummed, "Look here and smile!"

Before you realized what he was doing, the boy kissed your temple, and you heard the sound of a photo being taken by his front-facing camera. What the Hell?!

"Peter!" Pissed at him, you quickly break free and stepped back, but he was already looking at his phone, editing the photo and posting it almost immediately.

You heard your phone buzz when he marked you on the photo.

"That's a good one. You look very cute here."

"What are you doing?!"

"Making a proof we're dating, of course?"

You were taken aback by the sincerity in his voice, and Peter smiled from ear to ear like an excited teenager, showing you the picture: it wasn't that bad, and you looked as if you were slightly embarrassed by Peter's closeness. Oh, of course. He had to convince his friends he was dating you, but he didn't kiss you on the lips that could make other people too suspicious. Instead, friends of Barnes or, say, Thor, would still think it was all for show, and it was their friend who dated you for real.

Shit, Steve's plan was incredibly complicated, and you didn't like it at all.

"Oh, alright." You mumbled, lowering your eyes to the ground, and Peter laughed.

"We'll make a TikTok dance later. If you wanna make people talk, just use your social media." He winked at you and put the phone in the pocket of his pants, resuming walking, and you moved along, your face still hot.

God, what did these guys got you into? You felt like you were lost in the middle of a play, not even having a script to read what was your role in all this.

Before you parted your ways, going to a different classrooms, Peter talked about videogames, the upcoming Resident Evil - apparently, his favorite franchise - and some Dota tournament, but you didn't know much about it, and Peter offered to show you his favorite games "because you can't spend all your time studying!"

He was as careless and sweet as always, but you couldn't get Steve's words out of your mind. Damn, if only you could know for sure that Peter didn't blackmail anyone. Who could you talk to about it? Obviously, not Peter himself, but every time he spoke you had that nagging feeling you needed to talk to him. You barely kept your mouth shut before he went to a different room.

Ugh, why didn't you transfer anywhere else when you still had a chance? Obviously, now you could only drop out of school, and it definitely wasn't something you were going to do.

Luckily, the next couple of hours you were busy with your classes, trying your best to prepare for the upcoming exams. The academy held high standards, and even though you were a good student, it still took lots of efforts to keep up the good work. How Thor even managed to get enrolled, judging by the fact he hated studying and often skipped classes?

Ah yes, he mentioned something about getting a scholarship from the academy for his success in the sport.

By the lunch time you were drained, listening to Peter chatting with an absent-mindedly epxression on your face. Funny enough, Peter's grades were better than yours, even though he spent much less time studying. What, was he some genius like Loki? You felt a little envy.

"I gotta go take my tracksuit, I have PE next," the boy said, and you nodded, throwing away the leftovers of your lunch.

As you stood close while he grabbed his sportclothes, you heard two guys talking behind the lockers to your right.

"Have you seen her today? She's with Parker!"

You tensed immediately. Of course, they were talking about you.

"Yeah, so what?"

"She was with Thor yesterday!"

Watching you froze on the spot, Peter stilled too, listening carefully. Oh shit, you hoped no one cared about who you went with - why should they, in the end - but, apparently, you were drawing too much attention simply because you were a girl among hundreds of male students.

"So what?" The other guy asked impatiently, growing tired of this conversation.

"Are you stupid? She's going out with them! I bet she's looking for a guy." The first student said with excitement, and you cringed. No, you weren't going out with anyone, you wanted to stop the weirdos from following you and steeling your things. Was it too much to ask?

"Yeah, who cares?"

"We have three fucking girls in the whole school, and you don't care if one of them could be going out with you? Besides, this one's pretty. I'd fuck her!"

You felt like you were going to puke any moment. Why on Earth did you decide to transfer to an all-boys school? It was like the whole school were a men’s room filled with stupid-ass guys, and you were locked inside, forced to listen them talk junk.

"You'd fuck a sheep, weirdo. Go get yourself a girlfriend if you can’t stop thinking with your dick.”

Laughing, the guy left, and his friend followed him, shouting something stupid while you breathed out a sigh of relief. Of course, you knew there would be some talk, but you didn’t expect it to be so... gross. Were you really gonna spend the two remaining years here?

Watching you getting frustrated, Peter gently touched you by the arm and said softly, “Don’t worry. They won’t talk rubbish about you.”

“What do you mean?” Suddenly thinking of Steve’s words, you blurted out exactly what you were thinking of the whole day, “Are you going to blackmail them with something?”

“I... what?”

Part VII

__________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki   ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin ​@inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherub @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @stupendouslovegardener @iheartsebandchris @lovelydarkdaydream @soleil-dor @illyrianprincess @vampirestrawberries @goodgodimaweirdperson @frontmanash @freya-heya @yandematic @mariatietacapitu @d3monslust @maybesandohnos @ibeatuptwinks @mangobangi

[hmspogue]

Outer Banks season 2 Official Trailer shot-by-shot rundown

A comprehensive post where I scream about analyze the entire trailer frame by frame for clues, theories, and plot. Just my own opinions and general tin foil-hatting

These are screenshots from Netflix’s trailer for Outer Banks season 2. I do not claim or own any of these.

note: this post is tagged as a long post if you wish to avoid having to scroll until your thumbs break.

“My old man used to tell me, ‘it’s best to never say you’ve hit rock bottom’.”

(Putting all of these shots together since they’re scenes we already know but-) Holy shit, okay let’s just....start off like this I guess, damn.

“'Trust me’, he said...”

Kiara looking back and forth between the boys like this really just feeds the headcanon I have that her form of grief this season is going to be her trying to hold it together for their sakes (and eventually just snapping).

JJ just looks fucking furious someone give these kids a hug? I already know this scene is going to ruin me.

“You can always go...”

JJ back working at the hotel. He looks literally so angry again in this scene I could see him self destructing at work and losing his job? (Please do not be isolating yourself you beautiful son of a bitch even though I know you’re going to).

Pope in the Twinkie (costuming wise they all are in warmer looking clothes for some of the shots, so just confirming it’s a little bit into the school year when this all takes place).

“Lower”

Big John was real big into pep talks, I see. (seriously can you imagine Big John having this conversation with like 8 year old John B after he fucking dropped his ice cream cone or some shit I shouldn’t be laughing).

I’m just-

These poor kids, I wanna know how the police all the way down in the Bahama’s knew about them?

Their calves....

“RUN!”

Are going to be so fucking jacked by the end of this season I stg.

Fuck you.

“The gold from the Royal Merchant....it’s here.”

For a while, I had thought that maybe they didn’t even make it to the Bahama’s at the front of the season and ended there (because everyone had been filming in there). But I guess they’re going to be making two trips.

If I were a bird from this POV I’d shit right on that house no questions asked.

oooooh ho hokay. Just so we’re clear. Ward Cameron not only get away with murder and about two dozen other felonies, but-

“Half a billion.”

HE STILL FINDS THE GOLD IN THE CRAIN HOUSE AND GETS TO KEEP IT?

Not the polo with the snap back, I just know this man has a playlist called Sad Boi Hours that is just Juice WRLD’s top 5 songs on Spotify and he tells his friends they wouldn’t know the underground artists he listens to.

Sh, you have lost screaming privileges. Go inside and take a nap maybe.

“John B, we are fugitives in a foreign country.”

So, previously, I was talking about how I was confused how they would still be trying to find him is everyone thought he was dead, but here the wanted poster clearly says “presumed lost at sea”. I think that will be interesting to see how the Pogues all interpret that. 

Especially because they already had a memorial for John B and everything, I wonder if there will be any part of the Pogues holding out hope that they both could still be out there OUCH.

I’m going to circle back to this, but it looks like John B and Sarah are going to get separated for a little while in this man hunt, I could see my idiot himbo son trying to sacrifice himself so Sarah can get away but in reality just....stranding her.

“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid?”

Oh, sweetie....

“Well, Sarah Cameron, I do stupid things all the time without realizing it.”

The volume of his self awareness is astronomical. sir, that is your whole character summed up in your own words.

GOD, IT’S ME AGAIN. PLEASE LET THEM LEAN INTO COMPLETE HIMBO JOHN B THIS SEASON I’LL DO ANYTHING-

nyyooooOOOOOOOOOOOOM-

“Hold on!”

The complete abject terror I would feel having John Booker Routledge driving get-away and then saying the words “Hold on” while reaching fro the gear shift? The english language fails me. 

Sarah, bestie, I’m so sorry.

I just wanna know-

what the plan or objective was in this situation. What was the reason for being this dramatic.

Rest in piss, bozo <3

“Ward’s still out there...”

Okay, same conversation they were having as before. I wonder what makes them decide they need to get back to the OBX for this tho.

“I can clear my name. This can all be over in one shot.”

It looks like Topper watching this but way more concerningly, correct me if I’m wrong but this 100% looks like....John B gets caught. And the DEATH PENALTY?! He did have a mug shot for the fliers in s1 and the one above but he was never brought in? Plus he just looks super dirty and dishevled in this one so I-

Jail break anyone?

I also still want to know if they’re going to go with a Topper redemption arc this season. like, does he know more than he should just from being around Rafe and his big fat mouth? Is he going to help out the Pogues even if it’s just for Sarah?

This shot just suddenly made me really sad. The thought of this all started because Big John left one last thing for his son to find, his literal life’s work. And when it all started, it was just a fun adventure John B and his best friends were going on together and having fun with. Then it all got dragged to absolute shit and turned into what it did, including the remaining 3 Pogues thinking that this treasure hunt took their two best friends away from them. And it’s nothing like Big John intended it to be.

Why my eyes wet?

Now we’re edging into what I was talking about earlier with John B and Sarah getting separated.

“If you think there is anything I wouldn’t do...”

Once again, John B is no where to be found. Also, just in case y’all didn’t already know or forgot Ward is an actual psychopath.

I believe this one of the new character, played by Jontavious Johnson (Stubbs). Based on the voice over it lowkey sounds like they’re implying Ward maybe hired Stubbs and Cleo to find and bring Sarah back. My theory would be I bet they do go to retrieve her, but she somehow convinces them that it would be more beneficial for them in the end to be on the Pogue’s side instead.

Miss Girl you gotta be keeping your head on a SWIVEL. Especially when you’re a FUGITIVE of the LAW-

“...you haven’t been paying attention.”

My guy, who are you clarifying this for?

It’s what you deserve for monologuing.

in all seriousness, the idea of them coming to face to face with Ward in Nassau after thinking they finally escaped him is genuinely terrifying.

“SARAH!”

It kind of looks like they’re either hiding their faces or covering their noses? I don’t know maybe it was from some tactic to get away from Ward.

What did I literally jsut say about yelling privileges, you unhinged mother fucker?

“I’m calling the shots now. I’m driving.”

The following progression of scenes made me actually snort-

“I can’t drive stick.”

PLEASE THE FINGER GUNS LAUNCHED ME INTO ORBIT I LOVE THEM, YOUR HONOR.

Alright, so now it looks like we’re in Charleston. This is the same scene with Heyward’s truck that got leaked from BTS (read: JJ and Kie shoulder touch).

One of the main things that stuck out to me in the following scenes which, you will see, is it lowkey looks like Pope is kind of heading up this part of the operation, or even going in alone? The following clips are just very Pope focused. 

I don’t know what it means, it’s just an observation.

“John B was not the only one that Ward double-crossed.”

LIMBRY-

Bro, we have been hearing about this woman for literal months and I just have....so many questions? 

Who the hell is she? How is she connected to Ward? Why is she in South Carolina instead of the OBX? How do the Pogues even learn about her and how to track her down? How is she meant to “help” them? GAH I JUST WANNA KNOOOW. I already know I don’t trust her though and no I will not be offering up supporting evidence.

Sir, that is my son please unhand him.

“I think you know what I want.”

.......no? But feel....free to explain yourself?

The print on the paper is the same one that’s on the ceiling tiles in the following scene. Obviously, with a key on it that most likely goes to the place a few shots from now.

Hell yeah, son, let’s get SLEUTHING.

“The treasure belongs to the Pogues.”

DAMN STRAIGHT.

Bestie’s I’m not going to lie, I stared at this frame for a solid 10 minuets and I have no idea what it says on there I’m sorry. Someone in the comments is welcome to enlighten us.

“We gotta find it first.”

I can’t tell if that’s just dirt or if he hurt his head? But he look GOOD right now for one thing. For another, same outfit as the one in the Twinkie from the beginning of the trailer.

Look at her. LooK AT HER! LOOK! AT! HER! I MISSED HER SO MUCH even in that damn smiley face top that continues to haunt my waking hours she is in it so much and it stresses me out for literally no good reason I’m sorry-

I could literally cry right now and I think that speaks volumes to how little we actually see him genuinely happy. Have I mentioned how much I love that red hat?

Also, probably not that important, but this is not from the same scene as the shots of Pope and Kiara were. This is from the next one-

“Woogity-woogity?”

“Give me some woogity, baby!”

Yeah, this pushed me over the fucking edge, the way that they’re actually happy and laughing? The fact that they kept woogity-woogity and made it A Thing? Yes.

I am, however, going to be intentionally ignoring what appears to be the very intentional stagingof having such an obvious space between where Kiara and Pope are sitting adn where JJ sits, even including the level they’re sitting on because I don’t have the emotional capacity to face those implications right now. Thank you for your time.

Yes yeeeeEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

GIVE ME ALL OF THE SCENES OF THEM ACTUALLY GETTING TO BE TEENAGERS AND JUST BREATHE AND LAUGH AND HAVE A GOOD TIME AND NOT BE RUNNING FOR THEIR FUCKING LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!

before Rafe comes in and literally starts shooting because they can’t breathe for more than 7 seconds but we’ll....get to that.

They refer to Sarah as a Pogue this season or I burn Netflix to the ground. Your move, Jonas.

50 bucks says John B is driving the Twinkie again for the first time since being back.

I deadass think the Pogues JUST got Sarah and John B back and they’re just having the time of their life. Kie was in her smiley face outfit when Pope was in this one a few clips ago, and I still hold to the belief that that one still they released of JJ and Kie hopping over a fence is the Pogue reunion so-

Ward? I have no idea what he’s looking at behind the wall paper and I’ll be so honest I don’t care my eyes are only seeing Pogue content right now.

“This is a map of the whole island.”

This fit, when will John B learn how to operate buttons, stay tuned for season 5. Also my previous theory of this being their reunion outfits and stuff because Pope is in the back in the same jacket as before.

The plot thickens and so has JJ’s hair, Rudy drop the shampoo brand.

Please, dear God, tell me they’re back in the sex church. For @jiaaraa sake.

Kiara, your Madison is showing.

Okay, I really did try but all I can make out is Something to the tomb begin something something.

You’re welcome.

I am no expert but I do not believe boats operate on land.

John B looks like he is in the same outfit here that is in his mug shot we saw on the TV screen so I have a sneaking suspicion this is where he gets caught. 

“John B is back-”

Once again with the damn sexual tension that’s always between Barry and Rafe in every scene they do are we about to kiss right now?

“-it’s him or me.”

First of all, no.

Second of all, I’m just....so very confused about this time line this season. It kind of looks like Ward and Rafe follow and find Sarah and John B in Nassau (unless those scenes by the truck were actually back in the OBX). So did they....go to Nassau, then just come right back when they did? I’m just confused.

Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.

Literally when will you stop at this point I am begging you. 

This looks like the same scene the Pogues were, ya know, literally just having a good time at so fuck me, I guess.

Yeah, no, it’s going to be a no from me, I’m just going to pretend like I’m not seeing this and moving on.

I have simply no idea what is going on here or who that is on the bike but maybe JJ? Maybe Luke even? I think that’s JJ’s bike. 

The sewer scene. The SEWER SCENE-

For months sicne that tiktok leaked this damn scene has been genuinely all I could think about. So (obviously) it seems like they’re sending Kie down into the sewer to go do seomthing and things go horribly, horribly wrong. 

If you haven’t seen the tiktok, essentially all it was was JJ and Pope screaming and trying to lift up the man hole cover while Kie is begging for them to hurry from inside. I’m cheating a little bit as this isn’t a shot from the trailer but this picture was posted and it’s from the same scene.

I’ll just....leave this here. Back to the trailer shots.

Nice. Also, same shirt as mugshot.

Hey, um, what? 

Kiara’s car, she’s driving, I can’t tell who’s in the back seat or the front.

Holy God what is going on and how can I as an audience member put a stop to it?

So, same scene as we will see and was in the teaser but, for some reason, they’re all jumping off of a giant ass boat into the little life raft where it looks like JJ gets hurt later but don’t you worry we’re getting to that.

JJ AND KIARA WITH THE POGUE HANDSHAKE JJ AND KIARA WITH THE POGUE HANDSHAKE THEY BOTH LOOK SO DAMN GOOD AND THEIR LITTLE SMILES SPARE ME-

Cleo 🥵

I’m so excited to see her arc and what it brings this season you guys have no idea.

Please for the love of God be about to get Ward Cameron’s ass like he deserves literally punt him into jail right from Tanny Hill.

Sarah at My Druther’s with what looks like a bloody bandage on her side? Same outfit she’s wearing when they’re running from the police on the beach and she has the bandage there too so. Interesting. 

Topper hugging who I’m pretty sure is Sarah, being a general douche because he’s clearly looking at John B like 😏 

Clips like these serve to remind me just how many of my worldly posessions I would gladly give up to be able to punch Topper Thorton in the throat one time. 

I think this is Cleo jumping off the boat with Pope after John B and Sarah. 

Absolutely busting a lung at Pope’s form in this one.

John B and Sarah waiting in the life raft, still Cleo and Pope coming after them. The obvious next question is where are JJ and Kiara. The scene I’m sure you all have been waiting for is coming up and clearly takes place in the life raft as well.

So, I really think JJ and Kie get left for last, something horrible happens as they’re trying to jump (my head instantly goes to JJ maybe like pushing Kie out of the way and getting hit on the head instead or even just some accident). 

And, oh my GOD a scene of him falling off the boat after it happens and Kiara diving in after him immediately, having to desperatly try to stop him from sinkingand get to the life raft holy shit-

Girl CATCH HIM?????

Because why wouldn’t this be Rafe’s fault. Part of me wonders if this isn’t related to JJ being hurt.

I am going to try and unpack this as calmly as possible because behind my computer screen I am vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass but respectfully.

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS TIAUEWFHLAILA

Okay, so scene wise, JJ’s hit his head somehow (probably while he was jumping with Kiara) it looks like and now they’re back on the raft. 

In my opinion, this is either:

A) JJ is in really, really bad condition after getting hurt in the jump and they’re not sure he’s going to make it. So this is a “Please stay with me, stay awake, please don’t die” hug OR

B) They very narrowly just avoided a deadly situation (my first thought is JJ hits his head while jumping, passes out in the water, maybe almost drowns but Kie and the others get him onto the life raft in time) and this is more of a “Oh my God, you’re okay, you’re safe now, we’re okay” hug. 

I honestly lean more to the second one based on the little bit of Sarah’s face we saw in the background. To me, it almost looked like she was smiling thru tears, which, fits way more with the second option than the first. 

Anyways. Moving on before I burst a lung again.

(also, before anyone comes at me, no, I’m not happy JJ is hurt, obviously.  

(Once again, arrest outfits). You can still see the bandage but it looks like Sarah’s limping now too so...good Lord give the girl a break maybe?

Everything in this trailer just went to shit so fast I think I have whip lash, can we go back to the Pogues hanging out and being happy now pkease I liked those scenes.

“I get it. You guys are scared.”

“No.”

She’s cute but, uh, hello sewer scene outfits. Seems like them planning to do whatever the hell they were going to do in the sewers but the boys are starting to get cold feet as maybe they should but hind sight is 20/20 I suppose.

“It’s kind of cute.”

“I’m not scared.”

“You should’ve just led with that.”

I will never be able to express how much I adore Pogue banter and general dumbassery and I have a feeling this season will not be lacking in either department

I high key don’t think these two are actually going to be there for this scene to go down but I’ll let it slide this time because-

They do be kinda cute.

It both feels like I’ve been waiting for this damn show for 3 years and also like I just watched season 1 last month explain that to me. 

Either way holy shit. I missed this dumb show and these dumb kids so much it physcially hurts and WE GET THEM BACK IN T-MINUS 16 DAYS.

Also. Where The Hell Is Wheezie Cameron And When Will She Have The Rights She Deserves.

[seercayder]

No but I feel as though artists are probably experiencing one of the most hostile years of posting art online that they’ve ever experienced for maybe forever. And I mean this for both amateur artists and professionals (with maybe a lil bit of bias since I also do The Art).

Tumblr’s nudity ban has crippled any piece that is either NSFW or uses nudity as artistic expression and it ultimately drove away both the artists themselves and a lot of their fans, which destroyed any remaining traction for the artists who managed to remain. Tumblr is no longer an artistic freedom-friendly site and it shows, which is a fucking shame bc they genuinely have one of the better tagging systems than other sites and I believe that most feedback on art there has been positive and friendly, which has now gone the way of the dinosaur much like Deviantart.

Twitter has problems with image compression but their biggest issue is toxic abuse, which I find to be the most damaging to artists out of all the other problems i’m listing here. Both the lure of anonymity and the mindset that ‘Speak Loud In Little Words To Make Point Means You Are Important And Right’ has fuelled the absolutely vile comments I have seen directed at artists on the site. Although it’s mainly aimed at fanartists and ship artists, I have noticed unwanted (even rude) criticism on immaculate, well-done art pieces, which is extremely belittling and insulting because the artist (although they may be open to criticism) if they haven’t asked for criticism then that means that they are not in the right mindset to receive any, and therefore it is not your place to throw disparaging comments at them.

But the biggest issue with abuse on Twitter is obviously aimed at fan-artists, especially those those that draw NSFW or��“problematic” content. I could go into a whole spiel about how a drawing of a fictional character doesn’t affect reality but in short: If you find disturbing art of a non-existent character (or hey, even non-disturbing art, it’s just something you don’t like) then ignore it. Don’t go and fucking bully the artist you psychopath. If it is truly illegal then report the piece and then see if it gets taken down. Because 90% of the time it won’t be taken down because it doesn’t go against guidelines and you’re just trying to police the site like you’re the thought-police, monitoring other peoples art as if you have the god-given right to. And if you’re a minor stay the fuck out of 18+ accounts. Don’t comment, don’t follow, don’t even look. I am absolutely amazed by the mindset that some children have to waltz into a space not made for them and having the balls to insult the 18+ artist, who have specifically said “no minors”, for posting icky content. It gets even worse when you see how they abuse the Privatter or Curiouscat links the Twitter artists provide, made for anonymous feedback or for being the final barrier for an adult piece that says “hey this stuff is NSFW, don’t click if you are underage, last warning”. I’m gonna go into this more when I cover TikTok in the next few paragraphs. But ultimately, the artists on that site are having to be constantly vigilant against abuse, and it’s not unusual for them having to spend hours going through their 1K+ followers and having to block every underage follower who just didn’t fucking listen to their warnings. Imagine how exhausting and irritating and down-right uncomfortable that must be; having to monitor every fan that sees your work out of fear that they’re a minor seeing adult content or that they could throw abusive comments at you. Horrible.

Instagram is saturated with bots attempting to steal your work or advertise it on their own page and feedback isn’t really a ‘thing’ on there. Also, their algorithm (which may have also been implemented on Twitter, I believe that the Twitter algorithm now avoids promoting popular artist terms, but I can’t be certain bc the Twitter post that pointed this out is long-lost in the depths of my timeline, bc again, no tagging system) is based more around sharing than likes, which can be a huge barrier to artists. Sure, you may like someones art and even leave a nice comment on it, but do you really want to share every piece you come across, especially if it’s not something you would show dear Aunty Susan who follows you? It’s infuriating that a whole site dedicated for images is so difficult to use for artists, and with Instagram implementing features that are similar to Snapchats ‘stories’ it’s clear they’ve moving in a different direction, focusing on momentary attention-grabbing photos. This is simply because Instagram is advertising itself as more of a promotional influencer site nowadays, and anything that could sully their reputation has to be thrown into the algorithm trash. NSFW art or just plain ‘bad’ art? Trash. If you’re not gonna make money for them then why should they bother? You wanna promote your art? Pay for it because the algorithm will absolutely be working against you.

Now, the biggest fucking offender for worst art-sharing site of the year is TikTok (no surprise there), which is absolutely rampant with reposts and uncredited artwork and a gateway for abusive comments against artists. Like the Ouroboros snake, it goes through the same pattern every time; People (usually minors) find art on Twitter or Pinterest and repost it, usually without credit or going against the artist’s wishes about reposting. Then it either goes two-ways: Firstly, if the piece is SFW it will get about five-seconds of interest, a like for the reposter and people will then just move on. TikTok is built entirely around short bursts of satisfaction, feeding a a constant loop of serotonin for a few seconds before you move on. So ultimately, people rarely then hunt down the original artist, especially if their credit isn’t readily available, and usually the original artists doesn’t see any rise in likes, followers or popularity and are usually unaware that their art is even getting any attention on TikTok.

Or, if the art is NSFW, it can go down the second way. It is reposted and, as the majority of TikTok users are under-18, many users find the image uncomfortable, especially if it is a bit more ‘out-there’ or of a ship they don’t like. The reposters sometimes find the image off of Privatter, which is even worse since the piece has been posted to Privatter not just as a final barrier against minors, but also as a form of directing the piece to a specific and niche audience due to it’s... spicer than usual NSFW content. I’m talking really specific pieces with really specific kinks. Now that piece is floating around TikTok, widely seen by the general fans of a fandom, who again, are usually underage. The viewers grow uncomfortable, as the piece is not made for them, especially since sometimes the reposter only posted the piece for shock-value, and would even encourage insulting comments by only posting the credits for the purpose of getting fans to throw abuse at the artist (”The artist is ***** but they ship **** and are icky”) and so the viewers finally decide to make the effort to hunt down the original artist, only to throw insulting and bullying comments at them, made worse by the fact that they are children who don’t have the sense to hold back and have been fuelling their mindset in the echo-chamber that is TikTok.

And as a result of a lot of this hostile feedback for artists, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a space for amateur artists who are just starting out, since the art community is becoming a little bit scary. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that new (or not even new but recently promoted) sites such as Artstation are becoming a better place for professional artists only, but it is very intimidating for learner artists. That’s not necessarily a bad thing - I believe that part of the reason for Deviantarts decline was that the tagging system was horrible, so good art was being drowned out by amateur, fetish content, so more advanced artists were distancing themselves from the site, especially if they were trying to build a portfolio for employment. I also find that fanart usually gets far more likes than more original art pieces, even if the original piece is amazingly good, which isn’t a criticism against fanart but posting your original piece on a site more aimed at professional pieces may help you reach your target audience better and improve likes and interaction. However, that does mean that if you are an amateur, or hell, just an average artists who is still learning, your best bet for exposure is posting your piece across multiple sites and very, very regularly, braving any abusive comments if you try anything slightly “spicy”. Which, obviously, become a very potentially toxic atmosphere and it’s not uncommon for artists to feel burn-out or depressed at their lack of attention or the cyber-bullying they may receive.

I’m not trying to say that posting artwork has always been easy, but there is definitely a more aggressive culture surrounding it and I think artists have to be aware that chances are they will face insulting comments, reposters, frustrating algorithms, cyber-bullying, a lack of interaction and burn-out as they try and appeal to websites that would do the bare minimum for you in terms of promotion.

This isn’t meant to be a post to scare away artists, I just wanted to point out that there is a big fucking problem and it feels as though it’s getting worse. Nowadays, websites have become a bit too comfortable targeting creators rather than fans when it comes to monitoring content and artists have been put under more and more pressure as they face more and more abuse that is rarely addressed, especially by the sites themselves that host the content. Things that are a huge punch in the face for artists, such as NFT’s, are becoming more normalised and it’s honestly just sad.

[sebspocketsquare]

Quarantine 6

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (online)

A/N: Heya guys! Here’s part 6! I hope you enjoy it, and part 7 is already written and will be posted sometime this coming week :)

Warnings: Flirting, language, quarantine, feels, fluff, some sad talk, talk of the freight car incident, insecurities

Today was the day.

This was it.

There were rules, of course.

The door should stay shut at first.. until you’re both comfortable. 

And most importantly..

No contact… no matter how much the both of you wanted it.

It was the weirdest first date you were ever going to experience for sure, but ultimately the one most worth it, too. 

He was bringing his own beer, and you had some wine left over from Sam’s delivery three weeks ago.

It didn’t seem like it had been that long, but then again, you had learned time wasn’t real in quarantine.

You get dressed in comfy, but cute clothes. Sweatpants and an off the shoulder sweater seem like a good idea, and after applying the lightest bit of makeup to your face you feel like you’re almost ready for this kind-of date. 

Grabbing a few snacks, your wine glass and an unopened bottle, you set everything up next to the pillow you’ve placed right in front of your apartment door.

You were completely prepared.

He texted you forty five minutes ago that he was on his way, and he’s supposed to knock four times when he’s here.

You, of course, wouldn’t open the door, but it was enough to let you know he was really there.

Even though you knew he couldn’t see you, there was still a nervousness that lingered in your body.

Was it going to be awkward? Hell yeah. Were you both not going to know what to say at first? Absolutely. You just had to keep telling yourself it would be worth it.

You’re pouring yourself a glass of wine when four very soft knocks sound at your door.

Knock. Knock knock. Knock.

The pattern reminds you of a heartbeat. 

Your own.

“J?” You ask through the door, and his reply is a nervous laugh. 

“Yeah, doll. It’s me.”

You hear rustling for a few moments, the sounds of him making himself comfortable.

“I um.. I left you a cushion out there to sit on, so you wouldn’t be sitting on the ground.”

As soon as you say it, you hear a soft thump, surely the sound of him letting it fall to your doormat.

“How’s it going in there?” He wonders after a few minutes. The sound of him cracking open his beer can be heard, and it reminds you of the glass in your hand.

“It's um.. It’s good. I have my wine and snacks. How about you?”

He hums, and you take note of how it sounds different in person, rather than over the phone or on mic. “S’good. Just opened my beer.” He laughs softly before he speaks again, “Gotta be honest, I didn’t realize this would feel so..”

“Weird?” You finish for him.

He releases another laugh and a hum. “Yeah.. I’m sorry, doll. I just..”

“I know.” He just wanted to be there, with you.

“Just close your eyes while we talk for a little while. It’ll be just like we’re on the phone.” It was good advice, you had to admit, and though you weren’t usually one for taking your own, you make an exception this time to calm your erratic pulse.

Seconds turn to minutes, and minutes to hours.

Before you realize it, J has been on your porch for nearly three hours. You’re two glasses of wine deep and finally feeling your walls come down.. And hoping he feels the same.

“How are you feeling.. About this?” A simple question, yes, but you wanted him to feel safe, here with you. 

A soft sigh is heard, and an even softer thud as he rests his head against the door that separates you.

“I feel.. Better. You were right, about the eyes closed thing.” 

A smile graces your lips and you let your head fall back, too. You can’t help but wonder if it’s in the same space as his. So close, yet so far.

“How’s your wine?” He wonders, and you can hear the bit of humor in his voice. 

He’s heard both of the times you picked up and set down the bottle, and you’re sure he can tell you’re about to be ready for a third.

You giggle, the sound involuntary as the wine has now loosened up your shyness. “It’s good. Think I’ll have some more.”

Another glass is poured, and you can hear him set his second can on the ground with a soft clang. 

“Do ya maybe wanna play the question game?” He wonders, which makes a grin return to your face.

“You mean how we did one of the first times we talked?”

He chuckles and you hear a third beer can being opened. 

“Yeah, I guess.. But that was 20 questions.. There’s never enough questions.”

“So unlimited questions, then?” You feel the need to clarify with a laugh. 

“Well, sort of.. Until I have to leave.. And then we can pick up where we left off at our next date.” He stops, seeming to realize what he’s implied. “I-I mean that is.. If you even want there to be a second date..”

You find yourself wishing you could see his face when you give him your answer, “Of course I want to have a second date with you, J.”

He’s silent, so you hope he’s grinning from ear to ear. You’ll never know, because he decides to begin the game.

“What are you wearing to our date?”

The next hour and a half that passes is full of questions, giggles and outright laughter. You slowly get him to relax more and more, and it almost seems as if the door between you is disappearing.

You feel closer to him than ever.

Humming softly to yourself, you swish the last sip of wine around the glass. It had started to ignite a warm buzz under your skin, making you feel calmer. A little braver too.

“Tell me your favorite and least favorite thing about yourself.”

You hear him laugh on the other side of the door. 

“Like.. personality wise or looks wise?”

It’s your turn to giggle, “Both would be nice, but.. I meant about how you look.. you gotta give me something, you know. I’ve spent ages trying to imagine you.”

He chuckles again, and then you hear him exhale.

“Favorite? I think I have pretty nice eyes. They’re blue, by the way. Don’t know if I ever told you that.. and I guess I.. I have a pretty nice uh.. build?” You hear him take another sip of his drink before he continues, “I mean, I work out a lot.”

All you can think of is that he may or may not have killer abs and huge biceps to wrap around you to keep you close, and you’re well aware it’s more than just the wine causing such thoughts.

“My least favorite..?” It sounds like he needs clarification.

“You know..” you pause, “your biggest insecurity.. I’ll tell you mine.”

“Okay…” He hums, so softly it’s almost inaudible. “I um.. remember how I told you I was in the army?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“I was in the field, and I um.. I had an accident..”

When he stops, you find your eyes growing wider and your spine going straight. 

He continues.

“I…I fell from a freight car and..” He hisses, and you can tell he’s trying not to tell you everything, just to refrain from crying. “The doctor who found me said I had two choices.. lose my arm or my life, and.. he made the decision for me.”

There’s silence for a few moments before you speak. “So you..”

“I have a prosthetic, now. Don’t get me wrong, it’s very high tech and I can do anything any normal person can, but.. I still have a lot of scars. They’re not pretty to look at.”

You’re at a loss for something to say because all you want to do is hold him.

He’s not a mind reader, so he becomes even more unsure about his insecurity. “Does that.. bother you..? That I’m not.. whole?”

He almost spits out the last word, as if he expects you to be disgusted in him, as if he’s any less of a man for it.

“No.” Your response is immediate. “If anything, I.. I admire you more for what you’ve just told me.”

“You don’t think the scars will bother you?” There’s a sadness to his tone, and you try to comfort him with the knowledge of your insecurity.

“No, I.. I really don’t. I know it’s not the same, but.. my biggest insecurity would have to be my stretch marks..” you finish your wine in a quick gulp, hoping for a little more courage. “I um.. I’ve got them on my thighs, hips, chest, some on my belly.. I don’t know when I got them really or why I have so many, but I do.. I don’t even feel comfortable in a two piece bathing suit anymore..”

He sits in silence as you continue.

“They’re scars, you know.. I-I know it’s not from anything super traumatic and not even comparable to the awful things you went through, but..”

“I bet they’re beautiful. I bet you’re beautiful.”

The words are soft, you almost don’t hear him, but it’s enough to make your entire body blush and tears sting your eyes. 

The only thing stopping the two of you from seeing each other was four inches of wood and knowing that you couldn’t just open the door crushed your heart.

“I’ll make you a deal, J..” You start, chewing the inside of your cheek as you contemplate whether you really should go through with your idea. This wine was going to get you in trouble.

“Yeah? What’s that, doll?”

“I’ll send you a photo of myself tomorrow.. If you send me one in return.”

He releases a loud exhale, and not being able to see his expression has you worried that it might not have been from excitement.

“Really? Fuck, I mean.. You have no idea how badly I want to see you.”

Another smile? You could get used to this.

“Yes, really. Do we have a deal?”

A moment passes before he gives you his final answer, “I believe we have a deal, Clair.”

Shuffling is heard on the other side of the door, followed by a signature sigh. “I should get goin, babe.. It’s pretty late.”

You nod, then realize he can’t see you. “Let me know when you make it home.”

You hear him stand up, so you do the same, setting your empty glass on the floor beside you.

Turning to face the door, you place your hand on the wood. 

The barrier between you seemed greater than ever in that moment.

You can’t see him placing his hand in the exact same spot as yours.

So close.

Yet so far.

“I will.. I.. I’ll miss you.”

His confession makes your heart ache.

“I already miss you.”

“Bye, Clair.”

“See you soon, J.”

TAGS: (I wasnt sure who to tag, so if you dont want to be, I’m sorry!! Just trying to get this out there. ALSO if you wanna be tagged INBOX ME! I tend to miss people in the tags :(  ).  @mindingmyownbusiness​ @plumfondler​  @buckybarnesappreciationsociety​ @loricameback​ @tinaferraldo​ @geminimoonbeamx​  @preserumsteverogers​ @moderapoppins​ @lowkeysebby​ @buckyshattergirl​  @jayattemptstoruletheworld​    @the-observant-fangirl​ @moondancewrites​ @moonbeambucky​ @trinityjadec​  @stevieang​  @bionic-buckyb​ @eyecandybarnes​ @propertyofpoeandbucky​ @promarvelfangirl​ @ballyhoobarnes​ @bucky-plums-barnes​ @cate-lynne​ @witchymarvelspacecase​ @imaginingbucky​ @theimpossibleg1rl​ @babygurl8840​ @wonderlandmind4 @buckysthing​ @formulafun​ @curvybihufflepuff​ @fanficsformarvelkillme​  @shadyskit​ @lostinthoughtsandfeelings​ @reading–mermaid @fuckmestan​ @siliverin​ @verygraphicink​ @sallyp-53 @thatsbucknasty​ @steadyphantomcat​ @booktease21 @kiki5283 @lostinspace33 @drayshadow​ @theperditioncrasher​ @mmyepic​ @feelmyroarrrr@alien-beans @heartsaved​ @sideeffectsofyou​ @dreamingofonceuponatime​ @just-a-littlebit-of-everything​ @bluerorjhan​ @tarynsnotokay​ @jamdropx35 @turquoisekokiri​ @pinknerdpanda​​ @starkrobb​ @marvelgirl7​ @unscriptedtimetraveler​ @fangeekkk​ @wonderlandmind4​ @pinkisokay​ @mrsdaamneron​ @rynabarnesrogers​ @wish-i-had-something-better​ @stanning-seb-stan​ @oilersgirl35​ @vaisabu​ @paranoid-borderline-insane​ @bonkywobble​ @vikki-rogue​ @witchymegg​ @a--1--1--3​ @margetastic33​ @stuffandstuff-stuff​ @broken-hearted-barnes​ @elementec​ @thummbelina​ @booktease21​

[secret-engima]

rereading the whole Nox verse tag, just got to N!Axis meeting the canon Glaives a year pre-Movie. and i had the thought of post-marriage, post-kids Nox (and his Axis, who very much remembers that dimensional trip when they were younger, /Nox/) /also/ meeting - maybe different, maybe /not/ and ooo imagine /that/ - canon Glaives pre-Movie. possibly in the field, but just imagine it in the /Citadel/. if they saw these two bf, they were teenagers, now less than a yr later they're grown and /scarier/

Anonymous said: something i wanted to add to that ask about Nox and Axis visitng the same canon verse they did as teengers, but couldn't because of the damned character limit. At some point during the whole thing, the would-be traitor Glaives see/hear/are told something that makes them actually, really /realize/ why the Lucis Caelums are called Martyr Kings. also Nox casually spills the beans on his traveling to many, many other worlds/dimensions, mentioning the Fall of Insomnia, betrayal, and directly to Nyx,-

Anonymous said: - that in every future he's ever been to and seen, he's not been a traitor in one of them, and generally, he was a little /too/ Heroic in most of them. the way Nox says it leaves not doubt about what he means by that. no one familiar with Nyx is remotely surprised, but even after Nox and Axis leave, they're a bit more conscious of Nyx's recklessness and heroic tendencies. also: "Calm down, Axis, maybe I died when I was a kid here, yeah, but Uncle might not even have a sister, here. Leave it be.”

Me: ohhhhh interesting thought! I like it in the Citadel, maybe a few months after their first appearance (not a full year tho otherwise Game Events would be happening) and some of the glaives are on Citadel Duty (aka Titus’s ultimate punishment via the most boring job in existence) when there’s this- glitch in the world and then the Crownsguard are YELLING because apparently the Crystal chamber just did something weird. All hands are on deck and the glaives are called in with the Guard to watch the sealed off will-not-open-from-the-outside Crystal Chamber doors and the KING is there with his Shield and the Marshal and Captain and then-.

The door swings open from the inside and the argument can be heard as two figures emerge from the room, one growling at the other in a voice that sounds ... eerily familiar to Nyx and the Glaives.

“-to the Matrons for an exorcism so help me.”

“Hey, I’m not possessed OR cursed, blame the Crystal. It likes to mess with me.”

“It’s a non-sentient hunk of rock and magic, it can’t ‘mess with you’.”

“Wanna ...” the two figures stop and study the bristling mass of Guards, Glaives, Royal Retinue, and King, “bet?” the shorter one sighs and Nyx is having a few flashbacks already to That Time because that is DEFINITELY an older, crabbier Axis Arra and the man next to him looks freakishly like a long-haired Prince Noctis.

Who has a marriage braid and an ULRIC BRAID in his hair.

What the Six.

The Definitely a Lucis Caelum raises his hand, small sparks of flow dancing off it in some weird kind of royal greeting, “Hi dad.” he says with a lazy smile that almost hides the tension in his shoulders and the way his free hand is loose and curled around an imaginary hilt of a blade, like he’s about to whip something out of armiger.

The King gapes for a solid ten seconds before breathing, “Noctis?”

There’s a slight twitch, a flinch from the look-a-like and a low growl from the Arra before the Lucis Caelum (and Nyx knows who this kid is, he REMEMBERS that morning, that scrawny boy, and he knows the other glaives do too) smiles sheepishly, “Not quite. I’m Nox. His older brother actually. Though I’m going to guess Noctis is an only child in this dimension.”

So yeah dimensional shenanigans and Prince Nox being infuriately blasé about the entire thing and hanging out with the very befuddled glaives (Nox stares at Nyx for a c!solid thirty seconds while he stares right back until Nyx asks HOW Nox is an Ulric and Nox cheerfully goes “I married you, how else? We have four kids.” And Nyx spends like- the next three days in a perpetual Blue Screen until Axis takes pity on his Internal Scream by explaining that Nyx is a fem in their world. No. No there was no magic involved in the creation of the kiddos where is your mind even GOING Ulric (Nyx: I don’t know! Magic is weird! And alternate dimensions are a thing how was I supposed to know what other fanfic tropes AREN’T anymore?!?!). Nox quietly dies of laughter in there corner.

They keep a wary eye on the C!Arra-Furia-Lazarus trio in case of trouble because it’s been years for N!Axis but only months for them and it’s like- during one of those wary but cordial hangouts that Nox makes his Comment about Lucis Caelums after a long bout of brooding out the window.

“Dad’s dying a lot faster in this universe.”

All the glaives freeze. Even Captain Drautos lowers the report he was reading and pokes his head out of his office to stare.

“What?” Someone in the glaives says.

Nox doesn’t look at them, he’s glaring out the window and with a jolt they realize he’s glaring at the Wall, “Dad. The King. The Wall is killing him faster here. It was killing him in my world too but ... Uncle and I took care of it. I guess ... it’s different here.”

There’s a long pause before Luche’s brain finishes its dial up noises and he scoffs, “The Wall can’t kill the king. It’s his magic.”

“It’s Bahamut’s magic,” Nox corrects coldly without looking at them, “Magic he forced into human skin and veins that isn’t meant to keep it.” As if he can sense their continued disbelief he drawls, “How long can you hold a Shield spell before you get sick? Before you’re exhausted because the magic has gone past your reserves and started taking you as fuel? The Wall is just a giant, city-sized shield.” Tredd makes a noise that might be question or might be a strangled scoff and Nox finally turns to look at them.

There is something utterly inhuman in his gaze. His eyes are still blue, his face is still human, but there’s something in his eyes that speaks to their primal instincts and tells them to run, to hide.

To dread.

“Go to your local library sometime and look up the births and deaths of Kings of Lucis,” he orders in a deceptively light tone that almost makes it seem like a suggestion instead, “compare the lifespans of rulers from before the Wall was raised and after. Then compare the average lifespan of a healthy Lucian citizen at the time of that ruler’s reign.” There’s a beat of silence, terrible and weighty, then Nox’s lips curl into a tiny smile.

It’s a terrifying thing.

“The Kings of Lucis never die of old age. Sometimes it’s sickness, sometimes it’s war. Sometimes it’s assassination. Sometimes they just- die. For no reason science can explain because scientists never take magic into account. Sometimes,” the smile gets colder, the eyes older, “it’s betrayal. Those who are trusted when they shouldn’t, those who should stand loyal when they are not.”

He looks over them all and every one of them feels a chill up their spine. N!Axis leans closer to Nox as if in an attempt to comfort, to snap him out of this eerie mood, but it doesn’t work. “This has happened to me before you know. Going to parallel times. Do you know how my father dies the most often?”

There’s a breath, and when Nox speaks, there’s a hint of other voices beneath his, an echo of times past and souls lost and endless, ageless rage, “By the hands of the glaives he blessed.”

And none of the Galahdians dare to breathe. Those who have been listening to Captain Drautos’s subtle poison more and more these past few months, whose loyalty is not as solid as they pretend and to whom Niflheim’s lies are starting to sound sweet feel stricken, terrified. Like there’s a shadow of a blade at their necks even though there is nothing.

Nox inhales and when he exhales his breath is like frost. The room feels very, very cold, “They sell themselves to the enemy, they wait until his back is turned, and then they kill him. And when those glaives who are still loyal,” here his red-tinged eyes fall on Nyx and there is weight to the gaze, calm promise that of all in the room, Nyx has never been among those Nox has seen become betrayers, “resist and refuse to join in. The traitors slaughter them too. No regard for Clan ties, no regard for oaths or loyalty or any Color beyond Pink and Red and NIflheim’s White.”

Blue eyes are fully red now as he hisses, “And I hate it. I hate that I remember it, I hate that no one ever understands that magic has a cost. That they can study and feel magic strain over and over again for years and yet somehow they never believe that their king is just as human. That it hurts us just as much. Because Lucis Caelums are ‘blessed’,” Nox laughs and the sound is eerie, dripping in memories of things no one living is supposed to see, “as if an Astral’s Blessing is something to be coveted. As if being born with burning, inhuman magic, like a constant spell of fire in your veins and just beneath your skin that never turns off day or night, makes it easier.” Nox laughs again, something dangerous and sharp in the sound-.

N!Axis fearlessly lays a hand on the back of his prince’s neck, “That’s enough, Nox,” Axis murmurs, “come back now.” And Nox blinks, once, twice, thrice.

And suddenly he is normal. The room is normal, the creeping impression of death and old fury is gone, leaving the glaives breathless from relief. Nox rubs his face with a hand and murmurs an exhausted sounding apology, excuses himself for the day to go lie down in the guest suite Regis gave him.

Nyx watches the prince and his Arra walk away and notices that Nox’s hands are shaking, that his steps are not as sure as they were just this morning.

He thinks of too old words and too ancient eyes, of the knowing bitterness when Nox spoke of magic burning just under the skin with no relief and thinks very suddenly that he is glad he is just an Ulric. Just a Kingsglaive. A glance at Luche, Tredd, and C!Axis reveal them to be just as pale, if not more so than the others.

That night, those glaives who had been listening to their Captain’s less loyal talk had a lot of research to do.

And a lot of silence to ponder in horror as they find that every word Nox said about the old rulers was true.

[silverlysilence]

The Chicken or the Fish Option?

Yeah, I lied, there is one more thing I gotta do before chasing the elusive sleep.  I once more tried my hand at a one-shot.  Hope you all enjoy my first FanFic post here.

Hiccup sat staring at the invitation in his hands, nursing the first of what was to be many beers that night.  The bar around him was filled with noise, but not to the point it was overbearing.  If anything, the place should have been even noisier seeing how it was packed.  There were still a few empty tables scatter about but they were filling up fast.  So were the other chairs at his high-top table.

“Whattya got there, H?” Tuffnut yanked the thick cardstock from his loose grip while he plopped himself in the chair directly next to the auburn-haired man.  “Hey, this is Astrid’s wedding invitation.  Weren’t we supposed to mail this to her, like yesterday?  Cause, I’m pretty sure she called threatening me to get it to her or Bjorn Boar would end up in the incinerator.”

“Of course it isn’t Astrid’s invite, Hiccup wouldn’t do that to her!  Even after their breakup, they are the best of friends,” Fishlegs huffed, taking the seat directly across from Hiccup.

“Uh, Fishface, that is exactly what it is, I should know, I have mine right here,” Snotlout waved a second identical invite about as he took the final chair next to his cousin.

“What?  Why haven’t you sent it yet?!” the hefty blond demanded, scandalized the stocky brunet hadn’t followed Astrid’s directions to a T.  Blue eyes flickered towards Hiccup as the man took a long drink from his beer.  “Not that there’s anything wrong with it, I mean, there’s probably a perfectly valid reason that someone would be late sending an RSVP to your friend’s wedding. I… just can’t think of one.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Tuffnut asked, waving Hiccup’s invite around, “Astrid and Hiccup were a couple for such a long time and even though they broke up on good terms with our man here assuring Astrid that he’s happy she’s marrying Eret, he can’t go to the wedding.  At least not alone.  If he doesn’t show up with a date, it’ll look as if he was still pining over her and hasn’t moved on, which is sad.  And pathetic.”

Both Snotlout and Fishlegs stared the blonde as he finished his unusual insightful observation.

“Thank you Tuffnut for telling the whole world what a pathetic loser I am,” Hiccup slammed the rest of his beer back.

“No problem H,” Tuffnut completely missed the sarcasm.

“Well, I mean, you cannot not go,” Fishlegs bit his lips, thinking out loud.  “It’s not like you’re going to be the only one from our group to go without a date.”

“Oh, so now you’re dumping my sister?  Have you told her that yet?  If not, I’ll tell her for you,” Tuffnut grinned evilly, rubbing his hands together.

“No!  I am most definitely taking Ruffnut to Astrid’s wedding,” the hefty blonde quickly cutoff whatever scheme was forming in the Thorston’s head.  “I meant you and Snotlout didn’t have dates either.”

“Speak for yourself Fishface,” Snotlout huffed, spinning his invite around to show that he was indeed marked down as bringing a guest and they were having the chicken dinner.

“And I’m pretty sure I filled mine out with a plus one, too,” Tuffnutt sagely nodded his head.

“Who would go out with you two?” Fighlegs blurted out.

“I’ll have you know; I’ve been dating Heather for three months now, thank you very much.”

“And I, set myself up with a blind-date,” Tuffnut triumphantly exclaimed, pounding a fist into his chest.

“Tuff, I don’t think that’s how blind-dates work,” the hefty blond informed the Thorston.

“How would you know? Have you ever been on a blind date before?”

“I’m not sure how to answer that,” Fishlegs responded before another thoughtful look crossed his face. “But that’s not a bad idea, we could set you up on a blind-date for Astrid’s wedding, Hiccup.  That way you won’t have to go alone.”

“I don’t know,” Hiccup shook his head. “I—”

“I know, I can set him up with my blind date and we can all go together.  It’ll be just like when Ruffnut and Fighlegs go out on date night and I tag along.  Though, H, my man, if things start going the hot and heavy route—”

“Tuffnut, no. Really, I appreciate the offer, but no,” Hiccup cut the Thorston off before he could get any further much to the appreciation of the other two occupants at the table.

“What about, Viggo?  You two had some chemistry and you did come out as bi before you started dating Astrid in high school,” Fishlegs offered.

“Isn’t that the guy that tried to kill Astrid because she was monopolizing all of Hiccup’s free time during college?” Snotlout asked, after waving down a waitress and ordering a round of beers for the table.

“No, the police ruled that as an accident,” the hefty blonde denied.  “He didn’t realize the gas can in the back of her truck was leaking, and it wasn’t like she was in the truck anyways.”

“Fishlegs, no,” Hiccup growled out, “I am not going out with Viggo…or his brother.”

The blonde closed his mouth.

“Geeze, Fishface, you got the fishbone to growl, what were you thinking?” Snotlout snorted.

“I don’t see you helping. Oh, wait, that’s right, you don’t have any friends that you could set Hiccup up with,” Fishlegs looked down his nose at the short burnet.

“I have plenty of friends you know nothing about.”

“Yeah, really, are they all imaginary?”

“Ha—fucking—ha.  No, I just don’t subject my friends to losers like you.”

“Real mature, Snothat. Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?”

“Is that a bet?”

“Yeah, I bet you a hundred dollars that you couldn’t set Hiccup up with a blind-date with any of your so-called friends,” Fishlegs smirked viciously.  

“You’re on, Fishface,” Snotlout grinned, leaning back in his chair as if he didn’t have a care in the world which had Fishleg’s smirk fading and a furrow crossing his face.

“Guys, I really don’t think—” Hiccup was once more cut off by the arrival of a server carrying not only their beers but a tray full of appetizers.

“Hey Snotlout, Fawn told me you were here,” the white-haired man cheerfully greeted the brunet as he rested the majority of the tray’s weight against the table, allowing him to playfully punch the burly man in the arm.  “I thought you said you’re busy tonight and couldn’t hangout? Leaving me all alone to wallow in my loneliness, forced to pick up an extra shift when Periwinkle called in sick and what do I find when I get here? You! Here. Not busy at all. At all. Asshole.”

“Jackson, dude, I am busy.  Can’t you see, I’m being forced to hang out with these losers I knew since high school,” Snotlout laughed, actually laughed, as gestured to the trio looking between the duo with undisguised disbelief.  “You know I’d rather hand out with you and Fawn any day of the week, but it’s Guys’ Night.”

“Guys’ Night, huh?” blue eyes roamed the table, lingering just a little longer on Hiccup than the rest. “Well, I guess I can let it slide this time, but next time, I am so kicking your ass in Mario Kart and don’t think I’ll go easy on you just because Heather tags along again.  I told you, that was a onetime deal.”

“Hm, yeah, whatever you say, you Jack Frost wanna-be,” Snotlout grinned, taking the beer Jackson passed him but eying the food he dropped on the table.  “But, I gotta ask, what’s with the food?  I didn’t order it.”

“Complements of management,” the white-haired man flashed a perfectly innocent smile.  “Now you gentlemen have a good night now, and if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.  See ya later, asshole.”

“By Frosty,” Snotlout called out to the retreating back, before turning back to smirk proudly at Fishlegs. “Hear that, Fishface, if we need anything, we shouldn’t hesitate to ask my friend.”

“But—you—him—bet?” the blond kept tripping over his words in sheer disbelief at the happenings that just transpired right before his eyes.

A hand slammed an empty bottle of beer on the table, causing the rest of the table to jump and all eyes to turn towards him.

“He wins,” Hiccup stated, gesturing the neck of the beer bottle towards Snotlout. “What’s his name and would he like the chicken or fish option?”

“Jackson Overland, and he is definitely a fish person.  Absolutely loves Haddock.”

I could not resist adding the last line.

[bucksbisexual]

don’t take away my breath too soon

also on ao3

part 1 / 2 (coming soon)

Summary: Sarawat had to win this game, he was sure of it.

Words: 1948

Tags: #First Kiss, #inspired by a scene in whyru ep12 !, #the bet exists but they don’t really give a fuck about it, #basically i wrote ep8 the way the gays wanted it, #just kidding i cant write for a living, #confident gay tine, #me vs writing tine as anything other than a confident gay, #ep9 who? i only know success

"Well, how about this?" Fong started. "If you win, my friend will post the love confession to your friend," Man smirked, "but if your team loses, your friend has to leave my friend alone," Fong said. "Deal?"

Tine didn't know why this was happening, but he didn't like it.

Yes, he hadn't told his friends that Sarawat had already kissed him twice and they basically confessed to each other after not being able to stand being far from each other for three days, but, even then, they had no saying in his relationship with Sarawat. The same Sarawat that had only been looking at him ever since they got there and who Tine thought his eyes were telling him that no bet would stop him, not that Tine wanted him to.

"I think," Sarawat spoke, "your friend here is going to have to prepare a sweet love confession."

Tine wanted to punch his face, but instead, he shot a glance at Sarawat, sighed and left.

He'd deal with his friends later. For now, he had a pillow to scream at waiting back home.

-------

Almost a whole week had passed since then and Tine's friends mentioned their bet in almost all their conversations and, to be honest, Tine was nothing but tired of it.

They were going to Jae Tun's bar after finishing their last class and, of course, the bet was mentioned. His friends started talking about how good the Engineering football team was and how Political Science's football team had no chance against them and blah, blah, blah. Tine didn't care, he had heard this at least 25 times since he greeted them that same morning, and he was really fucking tired.

"Guys, I'm going to the bathroom. Don't wait for me, I'll catch up to you later," Tine announced, trying to get away from hearing the same arguments for the 26th time in less than 24 hours.

"Sure, do we order for you?" Peuk asked.

"No need," Tine smiled and left to the bathroom. Thankfully they weren't that far away from the university building so he could take his time before turning to the conversation he had heard for way too many times.

Tine started thinking, did the bet really matter? He knew that some stupid bet wouldn't stop Sarawat or would slow down his heart whenever Sarawat came too close to him. He wasn't ready to confess his love for Sarawat to the whole world and less when there were thousands of Sarawat fans that would pay for his head the moment he did. But, on the other hand, Tine was ready to tell Sarawat he liked him, because, yes, he did. It had taken him two kisses and some time, but he liked Sarawat. He liked his stupid perfect hair and his stupid collection of sandals he wore everywhere instead of normal shoes and his stupid flirting attempts than definitely did not make him blush every time and his stupid eyes that sparkled whenever he talked about music and his stupid lips, the ones he had dreamt about for weeks and had wished of tasting all of his life.

He was stupidly in love with Sarawat and since Tine didn't want to risk losing Sarawat over some dumb bet, he had to make sure he didn't lose.

As he got closer to the bathroom, he saw someone sitting on the floor grabbing his side in what looked like pain. Tine, worried, walked faster to see if the person was seriously injured, only for worry to completely wash over him.

"Wat?"

Tine heard a sniff and hurried over to where Sarawat was sitting, with a sweaty face and a drop of blood coming from his lip. The sight broke Tine's heart, who could do this to him?

"What happened?" Sarawat didn't respond and Tine gently touched his chin and made Sarawat look at him. Tine tried to find the answer in his eyes but Sarawat lowered down his head. Since it looked like there wouldn't be an answer any time soon, Tine decided to take Sarawat home so he could at least take care of his wounds somewhere safe.

"Can you get up? Does it hurt that much?" Tine put Sarawat's arm around his shoulder and tried lifting him up, only for Sarawat to kneel in pain and shake his head.

"It hurts," his voice was full of pain and Tine promised himself he would punch whoever did this to Sarawat.

"Let's try getting up slowly. We can test if you can walk and if not, I can take you home on my back," Sarawat looked at him like he was nuts.

"You realise I'll break your back if you do, right?"

"I do cheerleading, dumbass, I can easily carry you. You're not even heavy to begin with," Ever since he had started cheerleading, P'Fang's strict training had movitaved Tine to start working out and he had definitely stronger arms and legs than when he first started university a few months ago.

Sarawat didn't answer and instead tried getting up again. Tine lowered his arm to grab Sarawat's hip and without much effort got him on his feet.

"Try taking some steps. Don't worry, I got you," Tine's tone was so sweet his ears blushed a bit. Thankfully if Sarawat noticed, Tine didn't see any reactions.

"Don't wanna," Sarawat said cutely and, wait, was he pouting?

Tine couldn't believe him. Was he flirting with him when less than 5 minutes ago he was sitting all alone crying and in pain? He truly was in love with a dumbass.

"C'mon saraleo, just try. If you truly can't, I'll carry you home."

Sarawat pouted again and Tine's heart almost couldn't take it. How could he look cute even like this? This world was unfair.

Tine sighed. He had weaknesses and, according to his accelerating heart, this was one of them.

"Fine, I'll carry you." Tine moved the arm he had around Sarawat's hip and, lowering himself a bit, he turned his back to Sarawat.

Just as he expected, Sarawat was a light weight in his back. He seriously needed to eat more, Tine was worried that with everything going in the music club and his classes, Sarawat skipped meals and didn't eat enough.

They were probably halfway there when Tine's legs complained. Look, in his defense, he skipped a few leg days because he hated the stiffness from the day after. It eventually came back to him when his legs started hurting and he decided they should sit and rest for a few minutes until his legs didn't hurt as much.

Once they were both seated, Tine noticed he had tissues in his pocket and he washed off some of the blood in Sarawat's lip.

"Who did this to you?" Tine asked, hoping he'd finally get an answer. Sarawat looked away from Tine.

"The same group as before," as what?! "just because their girlfriends liked my IG posts." That's really stupid. "What a stupid reason."

Only Sarawat's soft voice made Tine control himself and not scream at Sarawat, "you've been hit before? How is it that I'm getting to know about this just now?"

"I didn't want you to worry," Sarawat looked into his eyes and Tine almost got hooked on them, had it not been for the blood coming out of his lip again.

He patted the tissue against the side of his lips, careful to not hurt him, "Who is worried about you? I'm just afraid you will die young, that's all. You have to tell me from now on whenever you have a problem. Get it?"

Sarawat looked down. "Got it."

Tine softly patted the tissue again.

"It's okay," Sarawat grabbed his hand, "you can stop."

Tine looked at their hands and then at Sarawat, only to find him looking at the tissue in his hand.

"It's not that bad," Sarawat took a deep breath.

And he rested his head on Tine's shoulder.

Tine's heart was not going to make it.

Oh my god, this boy is going to be the death of me.

"It's way better like this, the pain is gone," Tine truly hoped Sarawat couldn't hear his heartbeat from his shoulder as he hugged his arm because he would not survive the teasing.

"What's with you?" his voice was barely a murmur.

No answer came from Sarawat for a few seconds and then, he grabbed his boob.

What the fuck.

He couldn't even question what just happened before Sarawat answered him, "You just healed me."

"You're such a pervert," Sarawat just smiled at him and Tine couldn't even pretend he was mad or fight the smile in his lips, he looked too cute like that.

"Now I don't mind getting beaten up more often if it means I'll have you here to heal me."

Sarawat truly didn't have any empathy for Tine's heart.

"What if I get attacked when I leave my house tomorrow? Can you... sleep over at my place tonight?" Sarawat looked so innocent Tine almost accepted immediatly, but he remembered he didn't have any of his clothes or basic necessities with him and his friends were still waiting for him.

"I don't have anything with me, though."

"It's okay, you can wear my clothes." Tine wondered if sleeping in Sarawat's clothes and being surrounded by his scent would make him like him more. Probably yes. "You can even use my toothbrush, I don't care."

Tine sighed. He wasn't going to give up, wasn't he?

"Fine, I'll stay," Sarawat rested his head on his shoulder again with a big smile. "But I will go home to get my things, I don't want to use your disgusting toothbrush."

"Yes babe," Sarawat said in the cutest way possible and Tine's ears blushed.

"Dickhead," Sarawat chuckled and turned to look at Tine.

"Do you still have my football jersey?"

"Yeah, I'll give it back to you when I come back from-"

"No need, I have another one at home. But I do want you to wear it and cheer for me at the game, will you?" Sarawat's puppy eyes were too much for Tine and he forced himself to look away. He shouldn't look this cute with a bruise in his face. "If you come wearing my jersey and football shorts, I will have enough strength to beat Engineering."

Tine couldn't help but smile at Sarawat's expression. I'm so in love with this stupid boy. "Why do I need to do that, huh?"

The smile that flourished afterwards was one Tine hoped Sarawat didn't see.

"Let's get going, it's getting dark and I still need to go home to get my things," Tine put his hand on Sarawat's knee.

Sarawat looked between Tine's hand and his eyes, "I already told you you can use my things, I don't mind."

Tine rose up, "But I do, so get up or else I won't carry you home and you will have to go there in your miserable state."

"Carry me, pretty please?" Sarawat used that cute tone again from before and Tine damned not having thick skin because he felt his cheeks burning. He was sure Sarawat had seen his effect on him and avoided looking at his direction.

"Hm." Sarawat got up by himself and Tine lowered himself so Sarawat could get up. They didn't have that much of a height difference but Tine didn't want him to get hurt by jumping or whatever.

Thankfully, they got to Sarawat's home in one piece and Sarawat decided to shower as soon as he arrived, so Tine left him a post-it note saying he was going home to get everything he needed and left Sarawat's.

[yetanotherreader]

Useful—1

Genre: College AU

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Y/N, a pinch of Lisa sprinkled in.

Summary: The school's most popular boy wants to be friends with Y/N, out of the blue. It definitely doesn't have anything to do with her hot best friend, though.

Word Count(for the chapter): 1,494

Warnings (for the chapter): Nothing as such. Slightest language?

____________

Useful Masterlist

Chapter-1

Good girls always fall for bad boys.

Now, did they? At least, that's how the legend went. All your life, it was exactly what you had read in those books you carried in your bag. And they were the reason you were starting to believe this pointless theory. Or was it your irresistible attraction towards that leather-jacketed classmate of yours? Obviously, the former. You weren't falling for him of all the guys. And you weren't exactly the good types, were you? 

"Y/N!" You heard your friend call from behind, "You up for tonight's party at Jo's?

"Jo? I thought you hated her?" You raised your brow in your friend's direction, continuing your walk down the hallway.

"Nooo, why would I hate that beautiful babe?" 

"Lisa," deadpanning, you continued, "Cut the crap."

Lisa smiled at you cheekily, squinting her eyes and you obviously got the sign.

"Boys" You said with the roll of your eyes, whilst she echoed simultaneously with an excited squeal. Shaking your head, you smiled at her excitement, whilst she continued to grin your way adorably. At least someone's looking forward to living their life.

You and Lisa were totally different, to the extent it got you thinking about how you were even friends in the first place. She was one of the most popular girls of the college, whilst you were a hidden hermit. She loved partying and drinking, whilst you made excuses to stay home and read one of those fanfictions they wrote. Not that you got a lot of invitations, but ever since you started hanging out with Lisa, they were more. It was uncomfortable at first, and quite frankly, it still was. You weren't used to it—the attention, so many people around you, people talking to you. Although before you met Lisa, you felt way lonelier than you'd ever like to admit, you still sometimes missed the calm in it. But again, you did you. You still ditched parties for books, still said no to drunk boys, still wore baggy hoodies and Potter glasses, and still ate street food. Uncool? Fair enough. Uncool it is, then.

"So, you coming?" She tugged at your backpack just as you were making your way into the class.

"No"

"Please"

"No"

"Y/N"

"No"

"Today's food on me"

"Yes"

"Yee!" She squealed and hugged you, locking your hands to your body, as you froze in your place. You really did like to maintain that reputation of the tough, unaffectionate girl you had among the few people you talked to.

"Yeah, yeah. It's the free food." With a fake scowl, you went in the lecture hall, as she made her way to hers.

_____________

It was a rather boring lecture, and you would sell your soul to bunk the other one scheduled after the break. All you did during the whole class was scroll down your Instagram feed, or Tumblr checking for another part of the fanfiction you were currently reading. Hunters. How cool was that! You lived to read such fantasies, or who knew if they existed in real life too.

"Didn't take you for the one to use your phone during the class." You looked up to see him, and tried your hardest not to gawk at his entire confident demeanor. Leather jacket, spiky short blonde-ish brown hair, green eyes and—were they...freckles?

You cleared your throat locking your phone, "Didn't take you for the one to talk to unpopular girls during the break, either." 

A smirk started to grace his lips as you quickly averted your gaze back to your phone, unlocking it and scrolling through the posts again.

"Ah! That hurt," he mocked hurt as you found yourself resisting a smile at his antics, "Did I see a smile there, and can I sit?" He smiled to himself.

"No," You said with a roll of your eyes shifting to the seat next to the wall, "So what brings you here, Winchester?"

"Low attendance," He chuckled to himself but it subsided soon, clearing his throat, as he heard no laugh from your side, "Sorry, wasn't funny." 

"No it was, I'm just trying not to laugh." You said, the bored expression not leaving your face, as you again turned back to your phone, just before it was snatched from your hands.

"First, it's very rude to use your phone when someone's talking to you," He smiled in return to the glare you threw his way, "And second, Y/N, I've come here to be friends with you.

Now that piqued your interest, as you raised your right brow at him, "No, I mean it. I'm buddies with everyone in the class but you. The only time we ever talked was back during the first year, and it didn't quite end well."

"Sweets. Tempting but no," You gave the freckled man in front of you a tight lipped smile, "Winchester, what kinda bet you at, this time?" You said nonchalantly, definitely not believing a word of what he was asking for.

"No bet, I promise! I genuinely want to know you." And he thought you'd believe him, didn't he? As if.

"Guess what, Dean?" You smiled at him sweetly, as he started to grin, "Buzz off, not before giving me my phone back."

His grin faltered midway as he sighed, "You really are a hardhead, are you not?" He handed you over the phone and walked out of the hall.

Well, wow.. that was weird.

_____________

Dean knew it wasn't going to be an easy task. She wasn't a soft nut to crack. Not that he had expected her to just believe him like that. He wasn't joking when he said that their first encounter wasn't the most pleasant one. A bet. That's what it was.

New to college, he knew he needed to make a reputation to survive those four years. He couldn't go down on his first day, after all. He wasn't going to. And as his seniors dared him to throw the next student out of the door into the pool, he did. He was very hesitant, he knew it was bullying and he sure wasn't in favor of that but he also knew that if he didn't, they'll make the next three years of his life hell. He had no other choice.

That's when she walked out of the class—baggy sweater, round glasses, reading a book, your typical nerd. Her appearance just made him more guilty for what he was about to do next, she was too innocent to be a part of any of this. Other bullies of the school would just make her college years a living hell after today, if he did that- when he did that. Although, he was determined he wouldn't let anyone near her after today, it did little to no good easing his guilt.

Next thing he knew was that she was scooped up in his arms, her book on the floor, deep Y/E/C wide orbs staring back into his apologetic ones and her arms tight around his neck as if to make sure she wouldn't fall down—oh boy, only if she knew—and splash!

It was all a matter of seconds when he realized she was struggling to keep up on the surface, "The bet's over, I won!" He yelled at the couple of boys and three girls laughing behind him as he jumped into the pool to save the tiny bean.

"Look I'm sorry, I know it was an ass move but you gotta believe me, I didn't mean any of it. It was a bet, I mea-" He looked at her still baffled expressions, as she tried to regulate her breathing, "Are you okay?"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" His eyes all but widened at the unexpected not-just-an-outburst but a hard slap to his face.

Turns out, she didn't need all that saving after all.

He chuckled at the memory. It's been three years, and they were still not friends. Gosh, what did he not do after that. Passed her sorry notes, apologized to her in person, waited for her outside her classrooms and even sneaked into her dorm earning an earful from the warden. Oh, Y/N still didn't know about the dorm one, not that she ever would. Finally, after all those efforts she sure forgave him, but they decided that they won't talk ever again. 

And they didn't.

It wasn't that he never wanted to. He did, he really did. Y/N really intrigued him, to the point he found himself staring at her just to study her, in hopes to look past the mysterious aura she carried. If he didn't know better, he would have thought he had a crazy crush on the girl. 

Right then, though, he hoped she came to Jo's party that evening, and he sure as hell hoped he could get some help winning over the beautiful girl he had gotten a crush on.

Lisa. 

______________

Chapter 2

_____________

A/N: Wellllll. I tried my luck again. I don't know how it turned out but ah. So it will have more parts, so if anybody of you wanna get tagged, send me an ask or reblog it with your comment. Feedback is really appreciated, so I can know if I should continue or not. Love❤️

Tags: @bi-danvers0

[madamslayyy]

Log Cabin And A Brewing Fire VIII

Pairing: Nebraska Williams (Trevante Rhodes) x Reader

Warnings: This is a SLOW BURN FIC. I’m going at what I believe is a realistic place via my perception. I know y’all want some steam but this is SLOW BURN. Please checkout my Masterlist for other works if you’re looking for a little raunchiness.

A/N: To everyone I trolled yesterday, April Fools! (Except it’s not April) I’m definitely finishing this series, just had to make y’all sweat a little bit 😂😘 If you haven’t caught up on the previous chapters, check them out here via MY MASTERLIST.

Also I usually put this at the bottom of the Chapter but I don’t think people actually read that so I’m putting it here, if you want to be tagged, THIS POST will tell you how. Please don’t come to my inbox asking or leaving it on the chapters because I always forget to check and I feel so guilty leaving people out when they ask or accidentally ignoring them.

Anyway I’ve rambled long enough, love y’all and hope y’all enjoy this.

~*~

“Training Day again, Mr. Williams?” Nebraska’s students whined.

“It’s either that or run laps.” He grinned.

“It’s too cold to run laps. And it’s snowing outside. Aren’t there like... child labor laws or something?” One of his students asked.

“Could always make you guys run laps inside until 12:00. You all prefer that?” Nebraska grinned at the chorus of “No’s” coming from his class.

“Alright, Training Day it is,” Nebraska put on the film and retreated to his office. Today was the last day of school before Thanksgivings break. It was the Tuesday before the holiday and the students were only required to attend a “Half” day before being dismissed at noon.

You actually had the entire week off for the holiday and were planning on going to see your Aunt and Uncle this week. Nebraska has insisted you go on alone and enjoy your time with your family but you had refused.

“I’ll only go if you’re going. No one should be alone during the holidays.”

In these last couple of weeks Nebraska thought he’d been doing a pretty good job distancing himself from you. The two of you no longer slept in the same bed together, he was careful not to get too close to you when the two of you had to be around each other and even then he kept that to a minimal. The two of you rarely ever saw eachother and he was trying to keep it that way.

You, on the other hand, had a different idea. It seemed like the more he retreated, the more you would seek him out. You were determined not to let things get weird between the two of you. Nebraska wasn’t sure if it was out of pity that you were still being so nice to him after his screw up but he knew it only served to further his guilt.

Nebraska used the hour or so he had left to grade papers and before he knew it, the bell rang at noon and his students began filing out the classroom. He walked out his office to stop the movie and put up the equipment. That was one thing he actually did love about teaching the JROTC students, they were typically pretty well behaved. Nebraska was also sure it was because the other coach, Colonel McNeal, even in his old age, had put the fear of god in these kids.

Nebraska was almost through with his stack of papers he’d been grading and decided to finish it out before leaving so that was one less thing to grade during the break.

“Knock Knock,” Tonya peeped her head in through the door before coming in fully and taking a seat.

“Ah I thought you’d be halfway to St. Mary’s by now,” Nebraska chuckled. St. Mary’s was the elementary school her sons attended.

“Well the boys’ father have them today and tomorrow but Mama gets Thanksgiving,” she grinned, showing all thirty two of her nearly perfect teeth.

“Always good to get a little peace and quiet before the holidays,” Nebraska nodded.

“Amen to that. Which actually brings me to my next point. I know you’re new in town and single and I would hate for a nice guy such as yourself to be alone for Thanksgiving. What do you say to coming to my house for Thanksgiving? You could even stop by the night before, help me do a little Pre-dinner Turkey stuffing,” Tonya offered cheekily and Nebraska knew exactly where she was going with this. Again.

“Thanks for the... um... generous offer T, but I won’t be alone for the holidays, I have Y/N,” Nebraska said trying to let her down as gently as possible.

“Y/N? I didn’t know you two were so.... close,” Tonya said, her smile faltering.

“Yeah we’re driving down to see her Uncle. He was... actually still is... my Lieutenant. Anyway we’re just gonna stay with them for the holiday,” Nebraska smiled but the atmosphere was awkward. It was awkward every time he had to reject her but she was persistent to say the least.

“I see. Well I’ll get out of your hair. Gotta get going to the store before all of the good Turkeys are gone,” she laughed dryly before exiting his office.

“Enjoy your break, T,” he called as she made her hasty getaway.

~*~

Nebraska awoke with a start. He glanced over from his position in the passengers seat to see you, your eyes in deep concentration of the road ahead. He yawned and your face relaxed a bit from its focused contortion as you were made aware of his wakefulness.

“Morning sleeping beauty,” you chuckled. Nebraska glanced at the clock in the car and it read 12:34.

“That late huh?” He said sitting up.

“Yeah but the plus side is we’ll be there in half an hour.”

“I was out for that long? Sheesh,” Nebraska scoffed.

“Well you had been at work all day. I was snoozing the whole time.” You said in that melodic voice of yours. How were you this chipper even in the dead of night?

~*~

The two of you continued on the road until finally making it to your Uncle and Aunt’s home. It was well after 1 a.m. so you and Nebraska did your best to sneak in quietly. You were grateful they still kept a spare key in a potted plant just in case someone ever got locked out.

You and Nebraska creeped upstairs and made it to your room, it seemed, without being detected.

“Sheesh, I’m exhausted,” you said stretching out on your bed. Nebraska came in afterwards, carrying your luggage and his because he was still ever the gentleman.

“There’s a-“ Nebraska’s sentence was cut off by your bedroom door swinging open to reveal your Uncle carrying a steel baseball bat, eyes alert.

“Uncle RayRay!!!” You squealed jumping up to hug the man.

“Do you all have any idea what time it is? We weren’t expecting you to get here until Wednesday,” he croaked. He had clearly just woken up.

“It is Wednesday. And we wanted to get ahead of the traffic,” you pointed out.

“Well you nearly gave Mabel a heart attack. Williams, good to see you, boy. Let me show you to your room,” He said indicating for Nebraska to follow him.

“You as well, sir” Nebraska said, following your Uncle, his luggage in hand.

You had never really thought about it but you’d always just assumed Nebraska would stay in the same room as you, just like at home. Then it dawned on you, your Uncle had no idea how bad Nebraska’s sleeping patterns were. You thought maybe you should mention it but there was no way he’d willingly allow you and Nebraska in the same bed without a marriage certificate between you two. He was old fashioned that way.

So you reluctantly just resigned to your bed alone, the exhaustion from driving sending you immediately into slumber before you even had a chance to unpack.

~*~

The next morning you came downstairs to none other than your Aunt’s amazing home cooked breakfast. She was hovering over the stove still making Breakfast while Nebraska and your Uncle were seated at the table, already eating.

“So nobody was gonna wake me up?” You yawned, taking your seat next to Nebraska.

“Figured you’d be out til dinner the way you sleep,” your Aunt said putting down your breakfast in front of you. French toast, sunny side up eggs and her special fried hash browns. Your mouth began to salivate just looking at it.

“Thank you MaeMae,” you said, digging in. Breakfast carried on peacibly but you kept glancing over at Nebraska. He seemed tired, and quiet. Well he was always quiet but a little more than usual. Maybe he was a little uncomfortable here. The last time he saw his General, he had put a bullet through his brain. He never told you the reason why because you two never talked about it but you’d bet Raynard knew. And that’s probably what made it so awkward.

“Alright now Y/N I got a list here for you of things I need done today. I need you to run by the store and pick up some...” Your Aunt Mabel began naming off the various ingredients she still needed for Thanksgiving tomorrow and the other chores she’d assigned you for today. Even though you were an adult, she still believed in putting you to work.

“There. That shouldn’t be too tough,” she said finishing the list of tasks and handing it to you, “Maybe you could take that quiet fella with you, he’s pretty big, he can help you carry some of that stuff.”

“Oh Nebraska probably doesn’t wanna be bothered running errands with me,” you said shrugging off the notion.

“Sure I do,” Nebraska was on the other side of the kitchen leaning against the counter. Both you and your Aunt jumped in surprise, neither of you having heard him even enter the room.

“Good lord boy, anybody ever told you about sneaking up on an old woman! About to give me a heart attack,” Mae said clutching her chest.

~*~

“Why do we need so many flowers, again?” Nebraska asked as he watched the florist load bundle after bundle of fresh cut flowers into your car.

“Mae takes any holiday when family comes over serious. One time she ordered over 20 preplanted trees for Arbor Day. Ended up giving them away as party favors as everyone left.” You said smiling at the memory.

“So it’ll be pretty packed tomorrow, huh?” Tre said watching the florist load the last bundle into the car.

“You have no idea.”

~*~

You couldn’t sleep. You’d tried everything from drinking tea to counting sheep but your body just couldn’t seem to fall into restful bliss without a certain burly figure wrapped around you.

You’d thought about going to see what he was doing, if he was still up but you refrained, not wanting to bother him.

He’d been... weird about things since the camping trip, even tried sleeping in his own bed again but you’d eventually broke him down by acting as if nothing had changed. That was a lie though, everything had changed. Where you merely acknowledged his attractiveness before, you now ached at the sight of him. The mere thought of his lips, so soft and inviting, was enough to send you into a frenzy. When his hand was on your stomach you could practically feel the strength beneath his fingers. You often thought of his strength and stamina. Fantasized about it actually. Fantasized about him getting rough with you, throwing you around before returning to his default sweet nature, making up for it in every possible way.

You were interrupted mid-daydream (or night dream since it was a little past 11p.m.) by a round of small knocks at the door followed by Nebraska peeking his head in.

“You still up?” He asked. You nodded and he came all the way in, closing the door behind him and leaning against it.

“Mind if I join you?” He asked and you felt that familiar shimmer in your stomach as your insides intertwined.

“Of course,” you said a bit breathlessly. He crawled in next you and it was actually a bit... awkward.

“I missed you,” you quipped, interrupting the silence. A goofy grin instantly broke out across Nebraska’s face, which he tried to hide via scratching the back of his head and looking away.

“I, uh, gotta admit I feel the same,” now it was your turn to be bashful.

“Why are we acting like we never see each? Like we didn’t just spend the last two whole days together?” You giggled and Nebraska smirked.

“I guess this is..... different, you know.... more... physical....” he was staring at your lips and you unconsciously bit your lip in response. That seemed to break his trance and he glanced up, a look of guilt marring his perfect features.

“I should probably-,” he said shifting away from you to stand up.

“Nebraska please, don’t...go,” your arm was now wrapped around his chest in an attempt to keep him from leaving. He was so warm, the curls of his chest hair tickling your fingers. His muscles were tense, you could feel them flex beneath you.

“I need you...” you whispered and that’s when the dam broke between the two of you. Nebraska pivoted in your arms, crashing his lips to your own. This wasn’t the same kind of kiss as in the woods. This was something completely different; something hungry and desperate. You could feel him still holding back so you decided to go all in, returning the smooch tenfold, both hands leaving their position at his torso to cup his face.

“Y/N...” he moaned, you felt like you might pass out. His hands latched themselves to your hips, pulling you into his lap. Your hands shifted from his jaw to his shoulders in order to steady yourself, pulling him even closer, meeting his eagerness with your own.

“Take thi- shit,” he moaned as you perched your full weight onto his lap, his already awakened member there to greet you.

“Too much? Am I too heavy?” You asked, beginning to rise from his lap only to have him pull you back down.

“No, you’re perfect babygirl. More than perfect,” he began kissing down your neck, his teeth grazing against the base of your neck hard enough to bruise.

You were melting beneath his touch. He was so quiet and reserved in his daily life so to be succumbed to his passion in such a raw and unfiltered way made your head swim. You never thought a man of his beauty, candor, and strength would look twice at someone like you yet here he was, your touch alone powerful enough to leave him a moaning, whimpering figure of lust beneath you. It gave you a surge of confidence you’d never quite experienced in the bedroom before.

“Take this off,” Nebraska said tugging at your night shirt. That’s when you remembered you weren’t wearing a bra. Meaning you’d be completely exposed to him, pooch, rolls and all.

“Hey, it’s just us here, okay?” He said pecking your lips when he sensed your hesitation.

“O-okay. Can you get the light?” You nodded towards the lamp on you side desk next to your bed.

“As long as I’ve been dreaming about this moment? No way, I gotta see you,” Nebraska said biting his lips, his eyes gazing over you with pure karnal lust. Your stomach fluttered.

You took your shirt off and he was immediately in awe. He gently took one soft mound in his hand, plopping your already hardened nipple into his mouth. Your nails dug into his shoulders as his tongue swirled around the sensitive flesh. Nebraska smirked at your obvious arousal, the vision of his pristine white teeth against your brown areola was almost a work of art.

When he began to go for the other nipple you pushed him back gently, crawling off his lap but he swiftly pulled you back on.

“Where are you going?

“Shhh... just relax,” you said and he finally let you go, allowing you to maneuver yourself between his legs, pulling his boxers down. His swollen member sprang free of the fabric and for a second you thought you might be hallucinating. He was certainly bigger than any man you’d ever been with, and his girth definitely looked more delectable, the pigment from his shaft to his head all one even color that matched the ebony complexion of his skin.

“You were hiding... all this... this whole time?” Your eyes were fixated on his throbbing length.

“Didn’t think you would care either way,” Nebraska said in a breathy voice. You gazed into his brown eyes in utter disbelief before returning to the task at hand.

You kissed your way up his thighs slowly to tease him, dragging your nails lightly along the sensitive area. His dick jumped in excitement.

He was already leaking precum, the head glistening with his essence. You gripped his base and feathered kisses up his shaft, teasing his head with your tongue. The second you took his tip fully into your mouth, he shuddered, gripping the bedsheets for dear life.

“Relax, Braska, let me take care of you,” you said in what you hoped was a ‘sultry’ voice. It had been a while since you’d gave a man head and you were racking your brain, trying to make sure there wasn’t anything you forgot with the inexperience of time.

You slurped him from base to tip, taking your time to get it extremely wet so your hand could pump him easily. You made sure to spit on it just for extra measure and you swore you saw Nebraska’s eyes roll into the back of his head.

You took him into your mouth and immediately hollowed your cheeks, sucking his over sensitive tip while pumping his base. You alternated between this motions and deep throating him as far as you could take him, making quite the show of gagging on his incredible length. You traveled down further, making sure to not to forget his scrotum, sucking one half and then the other while your hands handled the main attraction.

Where Nebraska was tembling before, he was a blubbering mess now, moaning your name along with a string of curse words as he chased his own pleasure. He took one hand and brought it to the back of your head, guiding you back to his swollen tip. You knew he couldn’t keep his orgasm at bay for much longer so you switched into full concentration mode, paying close attention to what would get him over that edge. His hand on the back of your head was gripping you so tight, you thought he might snatch your headscarf off.

“Shit, Y/N, don’t stop. Please, baby, right there, right there,” he begged and you made sure to adhere to him. Right as he was about to explode in your mouth, he grabbed himself and took it out, opting instead to nut on your face. You graciously accepted his release , the warm essence coating your face. You couldn’t help but giggle as he smeared some of it across your lips with his head, tapping the semi-firm member against them.

“Where’d you learn how to do that?” Nebraska asked out of breath. You shrugged as you got up to go wash your face.

You’d were in the middle of wiping off his ‘gift’ when he followed right after you, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind and nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck.

“Nebraska, I gotta wash my face and brush my teeth,” you cooed, grabbing a clean face towel and your night routine face wash. Nebraska turned your head to the side, capturing your lips in one of the slowest, sloppiest kisses you’d ever experienced, emphasizing his tongues presence in your mouth as a ‘Thank You’. When Nebraska finally let your lips go he continued clinging to you, only unwrapping himself once so that he could clean off his own member.

Once the two of you were clean, you took to bed. Nebraska, in a position much similar to earlier, engulfed you in himself, peppering you with kisses until he fell asleep. You fell asleep soon after, still not a hundred percent sure if what had just transpired was real or a dream.

~*~

You woke up noticeably cold. And alone. You glanced over to the other side of the bed to find it empty. That wouldn’t be that unusual any other morning but then the events of last night came flooding back to you. You couldn’t believe how brazen you’d been with him last night and the embarrassment immediately came crushing in.

Also why wasn’t he here? There wasn’t a single sign he’d ever been here. Even back home it was unusual for Nebraska to just silently wake up and creep out like a thief in the night. He probably came to his senses about you last night, which is why he’d ran for the hills.

What more could he possibly want anyway? You’ve already sucked him off. He doesn’t need to entertain you anymore. He got what he came for.

You tried to shake the negative thoughts from your head as you hopped in the shower but they were incessant.

What if he was in a relationship with Tonya. You were so desperate for him last night, you hadn’t even thought to ask. What if you made him a cheater because you couldn’t control yourself around him and just had to jump at the chance to show him you could be a slut. What would he want with one of those anyway when he has a woman like Tonya waiting for him back home.

As you walked down stairs you saw Nebraska moving tables with your Aunt supervising. You couldn’t bare to make eye contact with either of them. It didn’t matter because Mabel heard you anyway

“Y/N! About time you woke up girl, I need you to run down to Annie Sinclair’s- you remember Miss Sinclair don’t you? I need you to runs down to her place and pick up the four Pecan Pies she was supposed to have delivered yesterday,” Mabel said scribbling down the address. You nodded and grabbed your keys, leaving without a word. You didn’t notice Nebraska’s intense eyes longingly look after you as you left.

~*~

By the time you returned back home with your Aunt’s pies, there were cars filling up the driveway and parked on the street out front.

You carried them in but the kitchen was full of different dishes, along with her cooking and you had no where to put them. You sat them down on the dining table and hoped that would suffice for now.

You wandered around looking for her, speaking to various extended family members. Almost everyone here was from her side of the family but they didn’t treat you any different.

“So how’s that museum going baby? What is it you do there again?” You great Aunt Lettie asked.

“Well actually I-“

“Y/N! Girl I been looking for you everywhere! Come on in here and help ya Auntie in the kitchen,” Mabel said thundering down the stairs. You said your condolences to Lettie then followed your Aunt into the kitchen.

You looked around as she began stirring something in a pot, “So what exactly was it that you needed help with?”

“Oh child, nothing. I just know how Lettie gets and she’ll talk your head off all day if you let her,” she chuckled, throwing on her Apron. You sighed in relief, sinking down in a chair for the first time in what felt like hours.

“Tired?” Mabel quipped.

“You have no idea,” you rubbed the side of your temples trying to alleviate a potential headache in its tracks.

“Maybe you wouldn’t be if you actually slept at night,” you felt your heart drop as your eyes flew open.

“Save it. I went to fetch that boy this morning so he could move some furniture around for me. Imagine my surprise to see not only his room empty but that he’d some how stumbled into yours. Better be glad it was me who drug him out of there and not your uncle.” She turned her attention away from stirring the pot to... well... stir the pot.

“There’s nothing going on between us... we just sleep next to each other. But we’re not... like that,” you averted your eyes. Wait, did she say she drug him out of your room this morning?

“Sell that tale to some other simpleton, I’ve seen the way you been eyeing that man. And more importantly, how he looks at you. That’s love, honey, clear as day,” Was it that obvious that your heart ached for him every time you were in a five feet radius of the man?

“I... I.... I didn’t mean for this to happen...”

“For what to happen? To fall for him harder than a piano with a paper parachute?” She didn’t need an answer, your face said it all. “Look, I don’t know exactly what you two got going on rattling around in those big, pretty heads of yours but what I do know is if there were ever two people who needed a little love, deserved a little love in their life, I’m looking at them.”

You felt like you could cry. You’d been so in denial about everything you felt for this man for so long that now faced with your own feelings, they almost threatened to overpower you.

“I- if he doesn’t feel the same, if this is one sided- I- I’ve never really felt this way about anyone before. If he rejects me, it’ll tear me apart. I can’t risk the heartache,”

“Child the world is full of heartache the same way it’s full of rejection. That’s just the nature of life. But one things for sure, nothing will ever come of the two of you skirting around each other like a pair of mice. You need to clear things up even if it doesn’t go according to your plan, which knowing you, you probably don’t even have one. Go talk to the man.” And that was that on her lecture. She turned around and resumed stirring whatever she was cooking on the stoveto, only glancing over her shoulder when she noticed you hadn’t moved.

“I meant now.”

~*~

“And that’s when I told him, ‘look, I don’t care if the god damn Marshal himself rides up on a golden chariot and declares the sanction with feathers flying straight out his ass, I’m not moving my platoon for nobody!’” The table Nebraska was currently sitting at burst into laughter and he cracked a smile to be polite but he didn’t have the slightest clue what the conversation was about. Didn’t really care to be honest. His mind was on one thing and one thing only, that thing of course being you.

It all still felt like a dream to him, he’d almost believe it was if he hadn’t woke up in your bed. Correction, somebody woke him up and it wasn’t you. One look at your Aunt’s face and he knew the jig was up.

“Come help me move some tables, big fella,” she said closing your door behind her. He pulled on his sweatpants which had still been discarded on the floor and followed behind her. He stopped quickly in his own room to grab a shirt. Thank god you’d had the mind to cover up after last night’s escapade. That would only make the situation look worse.

Nebraska was sure he was in for a lecture but the older woman continued on as if she’d seen nothing out of the ordinary, giving out various orders to get ready for the day. Preparation that was much needed by the way. In only a matter of hours the house was filled to the brim with more people than Nebraska could have possibly anticipated. But that was hardly a problem because that gave him ample opportunity to avoid you.

He didn’t know what was going through his mind last night but he had embarrassed himself beyond belief. Looking back, he wished he’d done so many things differently. He wished he had been man enough not to ejaculate so early. He wished he had took care of your pleasure first before obtaining his own. He wished he had thrown all the foreplay out the window and been inside you. When you came downstairs this morning and wouldn’t even look at him, he knew you regretted it. Of course you’d expected more out of him. He had expected more out of himself, but he promised himself if he ever got the opportunity for such intimacies with you again, he’d ravish you the way you deserved.

And oh did you deserve it and then some. The way your mouth had worked Nebraska last night, he could have died a happy man right then, right there. You sucked him off in a way he’d never been before, leaving him completely putty on your well-versed hands. You obviously must have had quite the experience in this area because you knew exactly what to do at every turn, getting him to his release faster than he could himself. Just the thought alone made him crave you, want to seek you out. It had been easier for him to deny his sexual urges for you when he had no point of reference but last night had only served to intensify his need to bed you. A need he’d probably never satisfy after his embrassing performance last night.

Nebraska realized he was completely lost to the conversation with the oldhead army men around him, friends of the Lieutenant no doubt, so he respectfully excused himself then went to head upstairs. He needed a moment to himself to collect his thoughts and stop obsessing over you. But it looked as if luck wasn’t on his side today.

As he began his ascension up the stairs you were coming down and suddenly, your eyes locked. You looked just as beautiful as ever, your mauve skirt and Jean button down accentuating your tempting chubby figure. His mind immediately went to the feel of your curves molding against his own physique, the memory of your delicious weight on his lap igniting a fire in him. He really needed to calm down.

“Hey...” you said in a voice he almost couldn’t hear.

“Hey,”

“Can, um, can we talk?” You asked tugging at the bottom of your skirt.

“Course,” Shit, Nebraska knew where this was going.

“Okay, um..... in here,” she tugged his arm and pulled him into the nearest bathroom, locking the door behind her.

“We need to talk about last night,” Nebraska’s blood went cold.

“I’m listening...”

“I didn’t mean to- That wasn’t my intention to- if you- I wasn’t trying to-“

“Save it, Y/N. Just forget it ever happened.” Nebraska couldn’t listen to this. He couldn’t hear how much you regret being with him. What easily was a night of utter perfection for him was nothing more than an impulsive mistake for you and that realization hurt too much to hear verbalized.

“Nebraska please just... let me talk. Even if you don’t care about what I have to say, at least let me say it. Please...,” your voice cracked and he could hear the tears you were fighting back in your voice. He thought about storming out to save himself from having to watch this breakdown but he knew him leaving would only cause you to burst into tears and he just couldn’t do that to you. So Nebraska resigned to leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest, indicating to you that you had his full attention.

“Ok look. I- I don’t know the full nature of you and Tonya’s relationship but I’m not an idiot. I knew something was going on with you two but I still went after you anyway and I just want to apologize profusely for impeding on your relationship with her,” you took a breath, “but I feel I owe it to you, and to myself, to be honest about my... feelings the last few months. I- I’m not the most experienced with men. I often read into things way too much. I’m anxious to a fault. But either way, I somehow deluded myself into seeing your kindness and gentleman-like ways for something they weren’t. I- I began developing feeling for you when I shouldn’t have. And for that I apologize.... again.” You took another breath, swallowing this time.

“You’re a great guy. One of the best men I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Last night... I don’t know what came over me. I’m usually not so aggressive, especially sexually, and I’m sorry for coming at you like some sort of deranged animal in heat. It wasn’t right and I promise you it’ll never happen again. I know all hope for the two of us being as close as we were is out the window. And I don’t blame you for that, by the way. It’s my fault and I take full responsibility. I just hope, that maybe, in time you’ll be able to forgive me and I can move on from feeling like this. I promise you I’ll get over it, I just need a little time but until then I was hoping we could at least remain friends. I know that’s a lot to ask but I don’t really think I could handle if things continued like this with you ignoring me completely. I know I’m probably being overly sensitive right now but it just... hurts....” you trailed off. Nebraska hadn’t said a word, his body frozen in that spot while his mind raced to process everything you’d just told him.

“Are you finished?” His voice was low, rugged.

“.... yeah, I guess I am,” he could hear the disappointment.

Nebraska walked up to you, cupping your jaw with hand as he captured your lips in his own. You eyes bulged out of your head in shock and for a second he though you were going to push him away.

“N-n-Nebraska I-“

“Shhhh. You got your chance to speak, now it’s my turn,” he returned to your lips, deepening the kiss. You moaned into his mouth as he lifted you onto the bathroom counter. His hands traveled under your skirt, gripping your thighs, undoubtedly his new favorite part of you. You let out a squeak of surprise when he suddenly pulled you flush against him.

“I’ve been agonizing over you since I met you. You think any man could be in proximity to all of this-“ he smacked your ass “and not want to break you in half? If you’re delusional then I’m in this fantasy right with you because I’ve been enamored with you for months. But you just seemed so disinterested I.... I couldn’t... I didn’t know...”

“Hey, it’s alright.” You cooed, cupping his face. He rest his forehead against your own, grateful for the intimacy.

“I just need you to know this isn’t one sided. You have nothing to apologize to me for, not now, not ever.” Nebraska wished he could say more. Wished he could articulate more coherently exactly how deep his feelings went for you. Wished he could express how you made him feel like he wasn’t such a monster, like he was worthy of his own personhood, even if he doubted it himself most times.

Nebraska opened his eyes to see you staring at his lips, the wanton look in your eyes making his cock throb. Yes he wanted to proclaim his undying love and affection for you but he also wanted to fuck you so good your pussy would need crutches the next day.

“C’mere,” he growled lowly and you almost bounced off the counter wrapping your arms around his neck to kiss him. He could appreciate his position of standing between your thighs however he knew realistically he couldn’t fuck you right here in the bathroom. Not with the house damn near filled to capacity. No, he’d have to show a little more restraint for your sake and his own.

“And, Y/N, about last night...,” Nebraska said breaking the kiss. You hummed in reply as you began trailing kisses down his neck.

“How did you expect to give head like that and not have a man fall in love with you?”

~*~

A/N: What y’all think? Told y’all I was gonna give y’all some action if you stuck with me 😘😘 I hope y’all liked this chapter because I actually worked harder on this one than any other chapter so far. As always please let me know what y’all think, it really helps me get ideas for the next chapter. 💕💕🥰

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[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 42)

Banking, The Old American Art

Here it is, folks. The bank job.

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-

The last time I saw Arthur at Shady Belle was right before they all left for the bank. He was dressed smartly in a white shirt and a nice jacket, a little pomade in his hair that made him look like some sort of prince charming; it was as if he was going to a special occasion. They all looked that way, the gang members going on the job, dressed in their Sunday best. Dutch, Hosea, John, Charles, Javier, Bill and Micah. Abigail too, she was helping out.

Arthur and I were pressed around the side of a wagon, the one occupied by Abigail and Hosea, readying to set off while everyone else got ready too, going over the final details of the plan, mounting up. Jet was nearby but Arthur was saying his goodbyes to me where no one could see us. He had my face cradled in his hands, his lips greedy against mine, full of fervid passion as I gripped the lapels of his jacket. He broke the kiss, pressed our foreheads together and stared into my eyes so close. 

Neither of us had to say anything, it all went unspoken. I begged him with my eyes to be safe and he told me to be ready with his own. 

Oh, I was ready. I had my suitcase packed and stored up in Arthur's room where he was all packed up too. We were ready to go, in theory, though the whole time I was fraught with a feeling of disbelief, or not necessarily disbelief, but oddly settled. Like it hadn't sunk in that I was going anywhere, and I didn't really think we would be. Perhaps because it seemed a little too good to be true, just running off into the sunset with Arthur, and I couldn't wrap my head around it. 

My gut feeling, it turned out, wasn't all for nothing. 

Abigail returned to camp first, riding in on a horse that wasn't one of ours, not stopping and dismounting, riding straight into the main camp where the rest of us were near the fire. 

"They got Hosea! I managed to get away but they took Hosea, arrested him or something, I don't know!" Her eyes were wide and she looked a dishevelled, terrified husk of the woman she'd left as that morning.

Abigail and Hosea were running the distraction part of the plan, creating some sort of diversion to attract the law away from the bank. It seemed their plan worked a little too well. At that point none of us knew how the others had gotten on, but Abigail told us about the swarms of lawmen that had responded; an unnatural amount, and any confidence I had that things could still go to plan dwindled. I pushed the doubt from my mind, I could not think about what could go wrong. 

The gang didn't seem to know what to do right away. It was like everyone was aching to turn to Dutch, who of course was not there. 

"Perhaps we should start packing," I spoke up while everyone was huddled together around Abigail, questioning, worrying, agonising. "If it's gone bad, I'm guessing when they get back they'll want to move right away."

"She's right. We might as well do something," Sadie agreed. Miss Grimshaw, who was surprisingly quiet, nodded. 

"Alright. Come on, everyone, you know the drill," she called out, and everyone got moving.

Arthur and I's things were already packed, so it was just a case of carrying it all downstairs and loading it up on a wagon. His satchel was still sitting on his bed where he'd left it that morning, his journal tucked away inside. I kept it aside for him, not wanting it to get lost or damaged on the wagon, and just loaded up the rest of his things. Lenny – who was now up on his feet again, though using a stick to help him walk – commented on how fast I'd packed. I just told him I'd had a lot of practice, and moved on to Pearson's wagon, packing up all our food. 

We had the camp packed up by evening time, and we all sat around the campfire and waited. Darkness had fallen and people were beginning to wonder if anyone was even going to come back; I assured them they were probably taking their time, not wanting to lead anyone back. Some believed me, others didn't. I wasn't even sure which side I was on.

Then Charles turned up. He rode in, looking exhausted and nothing like his usual calm, level-headed self.

"Charles!" Everyone exclaimed, getting up and rushing over to the man, offering him some of the venison we'd cooked over the fire for dinner. Charles shook his head, glancing between everyone there. It was like he didn't know who to address; who was in charge when Dutch and Hosea weren't around?

His eyes settled on Miss Grimshaw. "We need to get moving. That was a disaster, there are patrols all over the place. The others were going to try and get out of the city by boat, I'm here 'cause I diverted some of the Pinkertons so they could get away. Thought someone should come back and let you all know."

"By boat? What boat?" I questioned, thoughts going to Tahiti and Dutch's plan. 

"Whatever they could get, I don't know. The city is crawling, we hid in a building until nightfall, wanted to come back, but there was no way all of us were going to make it. We didn't have many options, I don't know what they're planning on doing next."

"Oh my God," Abigail breathed. Charles looked at her, his face shifting uncomfortably. My stomach dropped. 

"The Pinkertons captured John. Arrested him at the bank, I've never seen so many lawmen, it was unbelievable," he explained, and Abigail covered her mouth, no sound escaping her. "Miss Grimshaw, may I speak with you privately? There's something I– I don't know how to say it." He added.

"Of course," the lady in question nodded, her face a picture of shock and uncertainty. "Everyone, start thinking of where we could go. We can't stay here with these patrols."

The two of them walked away, went inside the house. I wondered what he was telling her that he couldn't just say in front of everyone. Whatever it was, it was unlikely to be good news. 

Nausea hit strong and sudden, and I swallowed the saliva that began to gather in my mouth, forced myself to ignore it and focus on the task at hand. "Right, so… any ideas? Do you think it would be possible to head back West? Maybe North-West?"

"Back where we came from? I don't know. Dutch doesn't usually like retracing his steps," Pearson said, sitting down on a log and raking his hands through his hair.

"Up north, then. Roanoke?" Karen suggested. 

"Would you really wanna go up there?" Tilly cocked a brow at her. 

"No, but maybe that's the point. We go some place even the law won't come looking," Karen countered, taking a swig from the bottle of beer she'd been nursing all evening. 

"There's a small settlement in the bayou," Strauss began thoughtfully, "rather unsavoury fellows living up there. But I'd wager they wouldn't look for us. Not right away, at least, perhaps it would give us a few days."

"Ain't too too far, we don't wanna be travelling for miles right now, the whole lot of us," Sadie noted, nodding her head slowly and considerately.

"It will need clearing out for certain, the place is called Lakay,” Strauss added. 

"I know it, ain't far from where I grew up," I said, eyes all turned to me. "You're right, nobody dared go there; we'd be pretty safe if we can take over."

Charles and a despondent looking Susan reemerged from the house and headed back towards us. 

"Seems like our best bet. We don't need anywhere too permanent, just somewhere to go while the dust settles and we figure out what's going on," Sadie said, turning to face Charles. "Charles, you got it in you to help me clear out a new camp, up at Lakay?"

"Of course," he nodded. Sadie then looked at me. 

"You know where this place is?" She asked, and I nodded. "Will you show us the way?"

"Uh, sure," I said hesitantly, and Charles looked at Sadie with a slightly cocked brow. 

"Hey, don't worry. I ain't gonna make you shoot nobody," she smirked, patting me on the arm. I released a relieved breath, somewhat of a laugh. "You can just hang back, warn us if anyone else turns up."

"Okay, that I can do," I nodded. 

"We'll ride ahead, deal with whoever's there," she addressed the rest of the group, "everyone else, finish off clearing this place. We'll come back, ride up with you all soon," Sadie said, then clapped Charles and I on the shoulder and started towards the horses. 

"Stay vigilant. There will be patrols, make sure nobody comes near the camp before we can all leave," Charles warned. I nodded in agreement. 

"Be careful," I called to them as we left. 

The three of us mounted up, and I took the lead as we trotted out of camp, soon speeding into a gallop.

"There's some strange people in the swamps," I called over my shoulder, "you two ought to be careful. We all do, once we're set up. We're bound to run into the night folk."

"Night folk?" Sadie asked, raspy tone sharpened with confusion. 

"That's what they call them. They are brutal. I saw things hanging in the trees that no kid ever should, growing up. They'll kill you if you give them the chance, and it won't be over quick," I explained. 

"And you think this is a good place to camp?" Charles addressed both of us incredulously. 

"They wouldn't bother with a huge group like us. We just need to make sure nobody wanders too far alone," I told him. 

"If you say so."

"I do. My family lived here, we survived, and we weren't a gang of heavily armed outlaws. We'll be okay," I glanced back, giving him a small smile. 

We rode into the bayou, fog coming in thick and opaque, the soggy air clinging. Beads of sweat and moisture from the air rolled down my spine, making me shiver, tickling like fingers but not in that nice way that Arthur's did… like unwelcome, cold fingers. I could swear the swamps were haunted, growing up. Still could as an adult. 

"Uh, listen, you two. I should tell you," Charles began, his voice low and careful. "I told Miss Grimshaw before, she said she'd tell the others, I couldn't quite bring myself to say it in front of everyone. I'm not… I'm not good with these things."

"What's wrong?" I asked, slowing a little, falling into step beside him, so the three of us were travelling abreast. 

"We… we lost Hosea," he told us softly, his face solemn, mouth turned down.

"What?" I gasped, saw Sadie's face shift into shock, "Abigail told us the law captured him."

"Yeah, they had him. But they– he–" Charles seemed to be struggling, clearly pained by having to deliver the news, "I'm sorry, there wasn't anything any of us could do, they overpowered us completely."

"Oh God," I breathed, my heart shattering. Not for my loss, but for Arthur's. I couldn't bear to think about how he must be feeling; Hosea meant a lot to him, and Hosea cared for Arthur like a son, far more than Dutch seemed to. 

"What an awful disaster that bank turned out to be," Sadie lamented, "though I'm starting to notice a pattern. Nothing seems to be going well lately."

"Right. We've made too much noise, angered too many people. I don't know about you two, but I'm starting to feel restless. I just can't relax anymore, even at camp. Especially not while the O'Driscolls keep showing up," Charles said, and I felt him looking at me. I kept my eyes on the road, silent. 

"We need to get far away, buy us some real time. But now ain't a good time, obviously, we gotta stick around for Arthur and the others," Sadie said, and my ears pricked up at his name. 

I noted how she'd said Arthur and the others, rather than the standard Dutch and the others. Did she not see Dutch as the invincible leader that most of the others did?

"How're you holding up, honey?" She asked, and I looked up to confirm she was talking to me in that soft, careful tone. "You've gone quiet."

Both sets of eyes were on me, and mine bounced back and forth between them as my mouth hung open wordlessly for a few moments. "I'm fine," I finally said, "we're almost there."

We rode the rest of the way in silence, listening to the mushy thumping of three sets of hooves on the compacted, damp Earth. I slowed further as we came up the road leading into Lakay, veering off to the side of the path. 

"It's just up this road. Don't, uh, mind the skulls on sticks over there," I gave an anxious laugh, and Sadie gave me a mild smile of amusement. "I'd go on foot from here, but please be careful."

The two of them dismounted, leading their horses to the side of the path, retrieving their guns from their saddles. Charles glanced up at me over his horse's back. 

"Get your gun out, stay armed and look after yourself," he told me and I nodded, retrieving the rifle from my saddle, readying it as I watched them turn and disappear up the path. 

There were a few moments of silence where I was left alone and in peace with my thoughts. Honestly, it was a few moments I could've done without, as it forced me to think of Arthur and the others. I hadn't really had time to feel since Charles had returned and explained the situation; but my feelings hit strong once I was free to think. In my stomach grew a sharp, thistly weed of dread; stabbing and cutting deep inside me. He'd gotten on a boat to God knows where. Even if he got to wherever he was going without the law realising, how would he ever get back? Could he, even?

Part of me wished I was ballsy enough to be of use in something like a bank robbery, just so that I could've gone with them, just so I could know where he was, whether he was okay. Instead I was left behind; clueless and damn near useless, tagging along with the others and quickly beginning to worry that I was not cut out for life in this gang without Arthur in it too. 

Gunfire began. I gripped my rifle tighter and slid down off of Rayna, staring intently up the road to the settlement. I could see Sadie and Charles in cover behind dilapidated wooden structures, being shot at by far more people than was a fair match for the two of them. And I was just stood there watching.

What in God's name am I doing here?

I gnawed on my lip, ambled over to the cover of the trees nearby, getting behind the thickest with a good vantage point into Lakay, narrowing my eyes in a bid to better focus on what was happening. I saw bodies drop, Sadie and Charles working together to clear the place out despite such a vicious attack from the mean looking bunch living there. 

I thought I was going crazy when I saw someone behind Sadie, and raised my weapon to get a better look through the scope still fitted from the time I'd gone hunting with Arthur and Charles. I wasn't crazy. There was a guy crouched close to her, coming from behind where she couldn't see, knife poised. I went cold.

For a moment I waited for her to notice, secretly hoping she would, finding it so difficult to pull the trigger despite the circumstances. Did that make me a bad person? Hesitating to kill a person– a threat to the life of my friend? Or would killing make me a bad person, regardless of the reason? 

I didn't have time to answer these questions, the knife was drawn back, ready to be thrown, and I didn't think, I just fired. He dropped instantly, just like a deer or those bears. Gone. Sadie spun at the sound, eyes landing on the body before flickering up in my general direction, but she couldn't lose focus and was soon returning her attention to the people shooting at her. 

My heart was hammering, but I shifted my sights, seeking out dangers that Charles and Sadie might not be seeing. I hoped to God they would have it under control, I was far from accustomed to shooting people, even if those people were armed and shooting at those I cared about. It left me with a hollow feeling inside me, the kind of feeling that made me understand why Arthur was so desperate to stop me from having to do this. 

I soon realised that where the enemies had the advantage in numbers, Sadie and Charles had the element of surprise on their side; they were picking them off one by one, made it look easy. If they weren't my friends, I'd have been terrified of them. 

It was over quickly. In the end I didn't need to lend my assistance any further than that one guy, every time I sought someone out, thinking they might be a threat, they dropped in my sight from a bullet I didn't fire. They had it covered, and were soon out in the open, darting in and out of the buildings that made up the settlement, checking for hideouts. When they were satisfied the place was clear, Sadie started heading back towards me. 

She sent Charles' horse over to him with a pat on the flank, then addressed me with an intrigued look. 

"You saved my skin just then, didn't you?" 

"He was sneaking up, I just noticed him," I murmured as she mounted up. 

"Thanks, glad we brought you along," she smiled, "come on, mount up. Charles is gonna, uh, tidy up. I said we'd go get the others and bring 'em down."

"Sure," I said through a grunt as I lifted myself back up onto Rayna. She was a little antsy after all of the gunfire, but she was easily soothed with a few strokes of her mane. We started heading back the way we came, and it was the first time Sadie and I had ever really spoken one on one. 

"You're struggling there, ain't you?" She asked me after a few minutes of riding in silence, during which I felt her gaze flicking to me every now and then. I didn't meet her eyes. 

"It's a lot to take in," I simply responded. 

"It is. I ain't been here much longer than you. Just a couple weeks more," she pointed out, "I can't say I've made too many friends. Abigail, of course, and I get along with Arthur and John. But you; you get along with Arthur a helluva lot," she gave a little snort. 

"Yeah we're pretty close," I said drily, grossly understating it to Sadie's sympathetic smile. 

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I bet you're worried."

"I don't know whether I should be. I know he does this for a living, I've worried time and time again when he's been out working and he's always come back. I'm torn between telling myself he'll come back this time, just like usual, and preparing myself for him not coming back," my words tumbled out emotionlessly and I stared ahead at the path. 

Sadie was quiet for some time, and when she spoke, her words were carefully selected. "When we get back to camp, we'll write a note. Something inconspicuous, so it ain't a disaster if the Pinkertons find it. But something that'll let Arthur and the others know where we are should they go back to the house."

If they go back would've been too ambiguous, too pessimistic. When they go back would've been setting hopes too high, risking a crushing disappointment if it never happened. Should they go back was a nice middle ground. To the house, well, that balanced things out even more, it suggested they could come back and not necessarily return to the house, like they had freedom to choose. Though it also didn't say for sure they'd return at all. It was a perfectly balanced sentence, one I could only nod my head to. 

When we arrived back at Shady Belle, everyone was packed up and ready to go. We made one final sweep of the house and I collected Arthur's satchel from where I'd left it to keep it safe, then we stood around the table as Sadie wrote the letter to Tacitus Kilgore, explaining that his niece, Caroline, had gone off to Lakay for a short trip.

With that done, and everyone feeling deflated and, frankly, scared, we all loaded up on our wagons and horses and rode to our new home.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i was gonna send an ask like "have you considered: 'anger is a type of geography' + 4x11" and then i checked and you actually had! but if you feel like considering it More then here's a free space

oh thanks for these Layers of Allyship re: humoring my repeated [anger geography sign tapping] and checking for things and then sending me asks about it all to invite yet more Consideration.........yeah i feel like i mentioned it at least once in tags or smthing lol??? but here comes yet more consideration / giving it an In The Text post if that doesn’t exist already yet either

the Anger Is A Type Of Geography Quote From Hanif Abdurraqib in question for everyone’s reference:

anger is a type of geography. the ways out of it expand the more you love a person. the more forgiveness you might be willing to afford each other opens up new and unexpected roads. and so, for some, staying angry at someone you love is a reasonable option. to stay angry at someone you know will forgive your anger is a type of love, or at least it is a type of familiarity that can feel like love.

like, yeah sure what with winston originally talking to lauren and mafee about this and taylor Happening to walk in on it, he probably wasn’t necessarily planning to go off on his Indignant Monologue to taylor right then and there, but the fact remains that he was willing to do so, and i definitely think that that wouldn’t be the case if he didn’t have this Respect for them and think that they have respect for him in turn, and if he didn’t also think that that mutual respect is holding hands with mutually valuing each other. like, he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t think taylor might actually listen / consider what he says, and he wouldn’t even Want to say it if he didn’t give a shit about them, because he’s not just complaining about “um i simply ask for more money,” it’s about the fact he Feels Disrespected by the implied deprioritization of tmc employees and that the way this (false lol) choice is presented to them being Unfair and disingenuous. like, you could (and im sure most viewers do) interpret the other stuff he says as just him backing up his “Pay Me” argument when all he really cares about is the Pay Me part, but a) that’s not how We roll and b) doesn’t make sense with winston being just as happy as anyone else in 4x12with taylor Apologizing re: many of these 4x11 points, despite them not saying they were gonna change the Bonus situation lol, and c) it Does make sense to think that the Mutual Respect between taylor and winston matters to him due to [see: the rest of this post]

well wait lol first of all yeah sure the money Must matter to him b/c nobody could possibly be in the world of High Finance as a passion project (except for taylor apparently lmao cuz i mean we know that the Real reason they are determined to stick with hedge fundery (and involved in the first place) is b/c they are the best part of the show and elevate all the other Lesser Elements of it as well) and also we can figure that this was probably winston’s first year working a Big Time Official Job and he doesn’t have the savings that other ppl might when they’ve been in the business multiple years, and this seems to be backed up by lauren referring to him as they guy who’d be the First One Smothered by either taking a bonus cut by 40% or not getting that bonus at all until a whole other year, which, like he seems to also imply, is also Unhelpful in that surely these investment finance people turn around and invest their own finances, and Bonus Now is better than Bonus Then b/c.....interest....Long Shares.......and also just like tfw you want your job to pay you.......but anyways Seriously [next paragraph]

cuz winston *must* be working at Taylor Mason Capital b/c he really values working with taylor more than, say, wanting a job that will make him the most money, or will necessarily look the best on a resumé if he’s just looking to up his stats, b/c yeah, this is sure an unlikely opportunity for him where this is what we’re assuming is his First Fancy Job and he’s getting to be the Top Quant right out of the gate, but he must also know that like, it’s still like “oh so you were head quant at a brand new fund :/” and also he must know that there’s a Risk with said fund and he might even end up having been head quant at a new fund that burned out really quick, super impressive........and, we Know that winston *knows* how good he is at what he does, even though he keeps getting dunked on for that like he’s sooo conceited lol like. he IS that good, sorry!!!! why should he downplay it, we don’t actually see him being one of these shitheads with a fragile ego trying to prove themselves Superior or whatever.....ANYWAYS yeah the point being that, winston claiming to have a lot of offers already in the interview might very well Not be any kind of bluff, and he’d surely know that he could rise through the Quant Ranks quickly enough at some other fund even if he started out as anything but Our Main Quant at those places.......and if Getting Tf Paid Top Dollar was really his primary concern, “go with the brand new hedge fund which doesn’t have Established History / Experience / Clout and has the one big investor but who knows what’ll come next and any business that Just opened is not your safest bet even if you trust in your own skill and in that of your ceo and you Know that even if you’re not immediately destroyed, funds will be tighter / of a Lesser Amount than at a bigger established fund”.........the now-dramatic-irony of him talking about how those Tech Firms Out West pay guarantees, not bonuses.........like, when he was trying to get onboard with axe cap, he was obvs interested in trying to leverage to get Paid more, which is like, not necessarily winston wanting to be a trillionaire but also just how stupidly everyone’s supposed to like Play The Game of negotiating / leveraging / calling your employer’s bluff to get a certain starting salary / get a raise or whatever, dumb as hell baked-in Requirement........discuss your wages with coworkers gang!!! anyways. and but Also winston makes it clear when interviewing for axe cap that Working With Taylor Mason has appeal, even if he’s flippant about it, cuz he’s flippant about all of it cuz that’s his shtick here.....

like, when it’s Taylor Alone who calls him back eventually, he’s fine with meeting up with Just Them, and later on meeting up with Just Them (and the other quants, rip) again, and agrees to work in this lil basement evidently Not on axe cap premises b/c he’d been at axe cap’s offices and this is Not That Place......and yeah him talking about taylor selling axe on using his algorithm in kompenso sure implies that winston has this whole time Assumed that all of this was still ultimately in the service of axe cap.......and he was apparently fine with reporting to Taylor Alone and not getting to rub elbows with any other higher-ups, and he’s obviously pleased well enough with a “good work :)” from taylor and isn’t like “hey be sure to tell axe & co i did this singlehandedly etc” or anything, and he’s not really complaining about the whole “work in this lil basement Not at axe cap hq with taylor mason dropping in at least once to check on you and that’s about it” situation, which obviously is hardly that “You’re A Valued Axe Cap Employee” treatment one might expect if they wanted that.....winston’s glad that taylor called him, he’s trying to appeal to them and what *they* want to see rather than how he tried to go for what he thinks [a place like axe cap] would wanna see like he did in the interview, he’s showing up at this weird basement rendezvous to be on a 3 person quant team of taylor’s, he’s fine to not only do this on his own but also accept those increased demands that make it a [fifty(? or 15, either way) phds would work on this]-Level task, and then he’s glad just to have taylor’s approval at the end of the day.......they Wouldn’t have been able to promise him any leverage of “please do your best work on this” with like, promotions / clout within axe cap or axe-cap-levels of Lots Of Payment b/c like, well taylor wouldn’t outright lie anyways but also Especially wouldn’t if they wanted to keep this quant around for tmc, so winston must never have been asking about that kind of thing

and then, bless your Missing Scene fic but there’s zero canon content re: “uh how/when did taylor break it to winston that this algorithm was for their own fund actually and btw do you want to work for that fund instead,” but presumably it went smoothly enough, he was already happy to Effectively work for them alone apparently even if he still thought that yeah, he was working for taylor who was working for axe........just Yeah altogether it’s evident that “Working With Taylor Mason” must matter more to him than “working with any Other big name financiers” or “getting paid as much as he can get” or “raking in that clout asap to leverage with Other jobs or just like, in general.”

and then of course you have the fact that taylor is Recognizing his ability by calling him back and offering him this job, going “despite your demeanor your skills are superior” and “those other two were sweet, but you’re more talented, i need you,” [praying hands emoji], and giving him this Second Chance and entrusting him with this Solo re: building this algorithm which, unbeknownst at the time to him, is really this linchpin of their hopes & dreams of launching their own secret fund here, and really they must’ve been planning from the start to keep him around if he succeeded b/c it’s not like the algorithm and their whole planned Quant Department wouldn’t continue to be integral to the fund’s success, it wouldn’t really be ideal to have this guy be the one to build an algorithm to reel in an investor who’s working in.....wait for it......billions of dollars here, and then be like, okay bye dude. they must Know how good he is same as winston knows how good he is, and him being Head Quant from the very start was surely never just about mase cap having precious few employees at the very start of things....they could’ve like given him that Lead Position temporarily or whatever, they’re ceo. but they really do value him as like, maybe he doesn’t have the ideal ~personality~ for what fucking ever, either for being Properly Assertive and Impressively Flashy like axe cap might want, or just easy to work with, which taylor would care more about than axe cap would lol, but yknow, they value his Abilities and surely they must also value his efforts re: I Promise To Try and re: his really singlehandedly making that brilliant amazing algorithm which evidently did the trick as they hoped it would

and then......dare i get to the Emotional part of things, the Interpersonal....the anger and the love...............

i mean already when winnie n tay are having their post-math-meetup meetup, aka the first time they’re meeting After their disastrous really-first meeting aka the Interview, you have winston taking a way more grounded approach to this “yeah i want to work for you please accept me” process which is obviously in response to what he thinks Taylor wants from him based on the mess of the interview, evident thanks to winston telling them that he’s been thinking about all of that.......and i mean, part of taylor’s whole thing is they have that grounded approach pretty much always lol, (or try to....Want to...), but they sure seem to Also be bringing this effort to Accommodate him based on the hot mess of the interview, wherein yeah they wouldn’t’ve expected to have to ever interact again with this person they were dunking into the trash (and of course from that Meta Perspective, the scene when originally written was meant to be winston’s only appearance ever), but they really seem to also be bringing a more dialed down approach, letting him talk first and going along with his “you ever done math meetup” intro until he’s the one who changes the subject, and i really see that Head Tilt as a sympathetic one lol, not necessarily like “awww :’0″ levels lmao but still like. they Know he’s likely to have some [emotional vulnerability] re: what last went down between them since they weren’t especially gentle with him then, and they like, demonstrably give a shit about that fact lol. they’re also not just wholly swinging in the other direction to make up for it or anything lol but they’re Also making it clear that, yknow, they’re willing to work with him For Real, not just in this “are you willing to work for me, y/n, okay great” way, but in this way of [winston making an effort to make things easier on taylor] and [taylor making an effort to make things easier on winston] which is already playing out here between them.

and the whole matter of winston’s seemingly genuine Dismay at messing up even part of this exchange, i.e. the “[wince-ston] damn it, sorry,” like, sure maybe he just really wants the job, but [see: everything above about how he Must primarily want to work with taylor re: wanting any of these jobs lol] and, after all, he “oh shit, sorry”s @ them when he’s well-established as their Head Quant in ep 4x08 and generally shows this directed-at-self displeasure at thinking he’s messed something up even without some clear “your (potential) job is on the line” element......he just Doesn’t Want To Disappoint Taylor Themself, doesn’t need some particular fear of further repercussion behind that.

and speaking of Lack Of Fear, you Know we love to point out how kompenso (and really winston’s :/ + “sure, why not :\”ness at the end of 3x09 lol) demonstrates that winston isn’t afraid of taylor either as an [intense and unusually-demeanor'd person who Does apparently strike people as Scary(tm) sometimes lol] or as this Esteemed Rising Star Axe Cap Higher-Up or simply as his de facto boss.........he’s not raring to tell them that the other quants bailed b/c of his own disapproval lol, but he’s honest as soon as they deduce as much, the tone of “fine, yes, big time” + his standing up to get even closer to them instead of just shaking in his desk chair like :c pls forgive me obviously does Not convey that he’s terrified of them, and then the rest of that interaction jsut being like, ugh god so fucking essential, they’re both able to stand face to face and be like I Am Looking Directly At It / I Do See It re: each other, both of them just continuing to be Honest and Direct with each other, God.....taylor might’ve swatted his metaphor away but he was not all that put out, and then they’re Using His Own Language by bringing it back three seconds later, like, yeah sure at this point they have a vested interest in this individual quant (the only one left lol) accepting this Demanding Task, but a) they’re not exactly playing it cool on that front, they Just said “i need You,” it’s unlikely that this is just some all manipulative tactic here by encouraging his metaphor after all lol and that’s hardly their style anyways even if they Can be strategic(tm) about things, and b) they’ve Just Previously adopted his own words lol with winston having said “as for not being a dick” and taylor saying “you backslid into being a dick” (combining His Phrasing with Theirs aka “if you promise not to backslide”....god!!!!!!)

and so then yeah to top it all off winston even ~pushes his luck~ lol by being a lil deliberately rude re: his ex-coworkers lmaoo, and you get taylor’s Reaction to being sort of tested here to be Closing Off Their Expression (speaking of....their tiny lil Eyebrow Twitch when winston infers that he’s making something to pitch to an investor.....god!!!!!! a) winnie n tay and b) emmy) and making it clear that their interest in him acting Easy To Work With was a practical matter......winston watching them go up the stairs, taylor looking back at him as they Ascend and he gets back to his desk.....jesus

the point being!!! they vibe with each other so well by Kompenso already and just *get* how the other operates and communicates and Neither Of Them are offput by the other, Neither Of Them are unwilling or uninterested in meeting each other where they’re at, and each exerting this effort to really work with each other........and how winston is Not intimidated by taylor as either someone who’s so ~weird~ and can be so Intense, or as someone who is his boss lol........which yknow we always also point out as Important re: tayston developing from this point, where taylor would be careful in how they approach winston about fwbship but would feel like it was even reasonable to consider it in the first place thanks to not having to feel like oh he definitely wouldn’t feel comfortable being honest if he wanted to say no / wasn’t sure

also Yeah It’s Billions but winston freely swearing with the F-word when they’re assessing the completed algorithm, which taylor has no reaction to lol.......the both of them being Hyped about this algorithm lol, like, Of Course they’d both be, but it’s fun :)

and then 4x03, with winston not acting terrified about there being potential Algorithm Problems, and taylor making sure to be like “don’t you dare blame latency” lol like which obv he May Have been planning to mention lol since he’s intending to give this technical answer rather than throwing out his Front Running / Interference Theory like mafee then does.....fun little moment too anyways.......taylor Allowing winston’s tangent about being cassandra and emails and “it’s pronounced owned,” like, they’re not raring to Interrupt / cut him off even if it’s Not obvious what he has to say is absolutely crucial and considered relevant by everyone else, and they’re not telling him he’s a stupid idiot and wasting their time or anything else before sending him away.......imagine. and just think about the beauty of winston very intently / earnestly saying his “i’m cassandra: Always Seeing The Future” right to taylor. 

and in 4x08 they build on his metaphor Again after having just Validated him despite everyone else really wanting to do the opposite lol......i “lol” but would everyone else lay off a little Lol......his self-reproach upon Registering that disapproval / oh-no-i’ve-messed-upness again.......then despite winston Standing Right Beside and then Sitting Right Behind taylor they don’t really interact l o l .....we have taylor being all “why is He so happy” and silently observing his Solo “i won” moment, rip, but also congrats.....and then i suppose that covers the Prior To 4x11 stuff lol

just......even re: the relative little we’ve Seen between them up to that point, winston might not have intended to talk to taylor right then, and he might or might not have intended to eventually talk to them in front of anyone else, but You Know He Knows that taylor listens to him, and that he doesn’t have to like, say things in what other people think is The Right And Effective Way to talk (even by billions’s fucking off the shits standards on that front lol), because taylor Does care about what he actually means and what his actual intentions are, not just “oh that very direct/honest thing you said Seemed rude whether you intended it or not”.......the “sad” after his yngwie malmsteen metaphor was the only time they’ve critiqued something like that lol and they then used that metaphor, So, and they’ve copied him calling himself a dick lol, and they built on his Sword metaphor, and they’ve just always been interested in Understanding him and communicating effectively with him, not in trying to get him to communicate differently or just making sure he knows He Should Feel Bad about how he Does communicate, though god knows the latter is something that everyone else seems to be somewhat #about. god knows some axe capper would have that “are you finished?” simply be the Purely Rhetorical intro to their barrage of Dunking-Upon insults, although it sure seems possible that that could’ve been sort of gently dismissive enough anyways to Encourage winston to not be finished even if maybe he would’ve stopped there otherwise.....but everyone else follows taylor’s lead in Not Actually Interrupting Him at any point, despite all the 9_9 and >:| as it were, and like, even though taylor then lets this whole thing end just with mafee going tf off on winston and bullying him into deferring and would-be deference, b/c winston might have this amount of moxie and he might be honest and he might not be scared of taylor (or anyone else here really) but he’s obviously not that assertive and definitely not that aggressive, he’s self-loathing, he’s easily put out, and all of this just bolsters how much it means that he communicates so well with taylor, b/c they’re Not interested in anything that would be counterproductive to actual effective communication but which might be “productive” if they had a goal of wanting to twist his arm about anything or pressure him into acting a certain way or just fueling their own ego or sense of superiority, axe cap style. they Value all his actual input and they have this respect for him where they don’t Want to bully him even if it’s not that difficult, like, yeah mafee was being mean to him for sure and trying to insult him into simply shutting tf up rather than like, actually responding to any of his points or doing anything but reinforcing them, but also winston has been Put Out by milder [negative responses] too, it’s of course more than just “i respect you too much to like, yell at you and try to diminish you”

and Frankly Winston Was Right and he may have been Indignant and he may not have been ~polite~ about it (though like, relative to how he is generally this Direct And Honest, there’s also not all that much evidence he’s deliberately trying to add some extra servings of Rudeness or anything) but once again like with the “as for not being a dick, i can’t absolute guarantee it” moment and the “fine, yes, big time” moment, and the “im sure it’ll go faster without the dead weight; Whoops ;)” moment, and the [talking about the algorithm problems] moment, and him freely jumping in with the “this plan might get us killed (not literally)” and “it’s b/c it sucks that they had to decapitate their dad, also not literally lol....although...” remarks, he’s just like, never afraid to tell taylor something that sure might not be the most pleasant for them to hear, and sure might not be something they Want to hear. and what’s Honest is that he’s Angry about this, and they won’t want to hear that and that they will even less want to hear his Honest Thoughts about why this is unfair, but he’s willing to say that to them, and even though we were like “haha boy winston if this isn’t fixed big time you might wanna quit :/” it’s also like, he must’ve trusted them to not wanna just fire him for lack of reverence to his ceo, and we can Juxtapose this with a) the scene that we’re set up to juxtapose it with, wherein a group of axe cappers carefully tell axe he’s being dumb as hell and might fuck all of them over, and axe tells them all to shut the fuck up b/c He Is Their Sun and he can do what he wants and get the fuck out of here, and we can also juxtapose it with b) winston being jumped on immediately in The Interview for ~lack of reverence~ to the potential employer, putting on this cocksure hotshot act (trying to..) and daring to express confidence in himself and be like “i should be interviewing you” / you should be selling to Me lol......jump to 4x11 and winston is caught off guard, he’s not putting on any kind of act, he’s not trying to appeal to anyone, sure mafee might turn it around on his [last we checked, the quant hates himself]ness, but this wasn’t about Winston Lashing Out b/c he’s angry at himself, he’s angry at Them for not valuing him, for what he perceives as them not even *really* giving them the option of the 60% Now approach, which sure seems to be justified seeing as apparently nobody but lauren goes for it and after winston invokes the Peer Pressure / pressure to seem Loyal / Committed by deferring, mafee immediately uses that [social pressure] to crush his dissent........where was i. right like. winston’s truly just Mad At Someone Else this time, he wouldn’t be here if his self-esteem was so low that he was immediately ready to just accept and absorb this treatment, and he Knows that taylor will actually listen to him which is their fuckin Mutual Respect thing and who tf else does that for him all the time, and he knows that taylor doesn’t value their own ego above everything else Unlike Some People, and he knows that he can be honest and get an honest reaction and that their honest reaction to his honesty is not “ugh you’re stupid / annoying / rude / etc,” b/c he’s Not, and that might be everyone else’s idea of him to some degree, but taylor Gets him better than that

and then you don’t quite have taylor being obviously Angry back, but they’re not exactly thrilled, and letting mafee go off on winston / effectively telling him they expect him to consider That the response and in turn respond back to that, can sure be interpreted as an expression of something a little short of pure goodwill and best intentions towards him here lol......again, i lol through the pain.......winston only has further reason to be angry, his Complaints weren’t resolved in the least and he came in all “i feel disrespected” and surely that’s only been doubled down on, b/c this isn’t Just “pay me goddamnit,” it’s really also just about the fundamental respect itself, which he figured that taylor cares about too, and so this would be something he could appeal to / expect them to earnestly.....he feels like none of them are being valued more than this feud with axe cap, he (maybe) feels like said feud is causing the quants’ work to be deprioritized in favor of more elaborate schemes based on “what will screw axe over specifically,” he feels like he’s not being valued as a Very Important Employee, he feels like this False Choice thanks to Social Pressure is insult to injury, like they’re not supposed to get a real chance to question this. boy i’m really just going off talking about any and all aspects of this huh, where’s the Anger Geography core here

well here it is: winston doesn’t ever talk to taylor in any more Filtered way due to them being his boss / him feeling a need to be more careful around them, if anything, they’re the one person he can be Least filtered around, b/c they care about What He Actually Means and aren’t all hung up on whether his communication style seems gratingly weird / wrong / offputting. winston isn’t bringing any particular leverage to this situation, yeah sure he pointed out He’s Valuable but he also did that in the interview with even less leverage and in the basement when he thought he was just working on some weird side project for axe cap in this remote quant dungeon - he’s counting on them to just Listen To Him and care about what he means, same as he always does and like they’ve done thus far. and he’s Temporarily Burned by this, which is tragic, but then 4x12 happens, and who knows if taylor and winston talked between these scenes at all cuz billions sure won’t say at all, but either way winston sure seems to pick up on the fact that taylor is responding to his Complaints here, the implication they were taking a too-axe-esque approach to them now answered by taylor deliberately differentiating themself from axe, and asserting that they Do value their employees and their contributions, and that taylor has this responsibility to them, and maybe Had gone astray there with the revenge jag but aren’t actually interested in that being the core of everything.........winston is Validated and we realize it and he seems to realize it lol, he definitely Was listened to, and he sure wasn’t like fired or anything, he Could Be Angry with them and that wasn’t going to lead to taylor wanting to sever even the Professional relationship or anything like that. sure seems to be no grudge held between them during the “q is for quantitative, babey” scene there lol and yeah it’s billions and shit moves fast / people will roll with A Lot of mistreatment apparently (see: winston also does not seem to harbor any grudge against mafee here lol but who knows) but the Fact Is, here they are, having found A Way Out Of [Anger], after having had this altercation which wouldn’t even have been possible if Winston hadn’t felt it was possible for them to interact like this, for him to be mad and be honest about that anger and the hows and whys of it and for that Not to be a dead end between them or something that could shatter the relationship entirely. and he was Validated!!!!

and guess who i also love to quote and paraphrase lol i also think of mariame kaba talking about interpersonal Conflict being possible Opportunities in a relationship, because working through said conflict can allow the relationship to grow / deepen / strengthen. which sure seems to Hold Hands with this idea: that you can Be Angry with someone because you already know that won’t break the relationship, and that even if you don’t already know that, going through that experience / process of Being Angry with someone and coming out the other side together will show that the relationship can handle that / will have involved gaining tools to be able to handle that going forward. and really like, we’ve seen winston Forgive taylor’s anger at him right off, and that may not be the sweeping heights of love but it came from Understanding (and....low self-es steam probably lol) but no really, he Shows that he understands why they reacted like that by behaving in this way that he figures is more in line with what they actually want, just talking and being direct with no boxes or [wags] or standard boring interview questions or posturing, showing he’s willing to work with them in the “please hire me” and “i’ll try to Behave” ways lol........and taylor is offering their own patience and sympathy and restraint and Understanding and willingness to bend.......things are happening on an emotional plane between them here.

and then after winston chooses to be on board with mase cap, and after he’s worked for them so long that it’s comp time baby, and after these few Sample Interactions we’ve seen in which taylor doesn’t cut winston down or show contempt for him and they continue to directly or indirectly validate him, winston can be Angry with them and taylor can (definitely Sorta) be Angry back, and winston surely even Stayed Angry after that scene in 4x11, and he didn’t quit, and was that [terrible self-esteem actually lol] or was it him believing that there could be a way out of this state of anger between him and taylor? both?? we get to decide!! b/c he’s sure not Validated and Vindicated until later lol.....what does he sit there on that couch alone in that room and Think in those moments...........and then once things Are better resolved, they have this whole [episode of conflict] in their history, and like is the whole Point of all of this, that’s hardly necessarily just some awful and unfortunate thing.......their relationship can survive something like that, and the conflict sure sparked this kind of Genuine Interaction between them which couldn’t have happened if winston just shied away from all this / kept it to himself because he didn’t think taylor would Listen or Care or Understand. 

and it’s Not Just About The Money, and even when he expresses that he’s upset about this perceived disrespect / not being valued as an employee, we Know that he’s not someone who’s got this need to feel superior to everybody else / like he’s always Winning, and we know he’s not after Maximum Clout, but he does want to Work With taylor and he evidently wants to feel valued By Them, who does happen to be his boss and does have this avenue to potentially treat any employees unfairly. and we know that winston *knows* in this objective way how good his work is, and both winston and taylor have acknowledged that yeah, His Work / professional quantly ablities have value, so winston Knows he should expect for that to be valued in the form of “your quantributions are important and you’re getting paid to reflect that”........and that he feels like he’s for once not being Allowed Honesty re: everyone supposedly being pressured into deferring is like..........what do he and taylor have if not earnest, open communication b/c they both value and respect what the other Really Has To Say!!!!!! that’s winnie n tay and it’s also tayston.

which, speaking of which, Sidenote: when it comes to tayston hcs we generally have this as a “they’re not currently doing Their Thing at this point anyways, and maybe the fact that that’s been ended (and they Haven’t been talking through this particular conflict yet) is adding to the tension / anger / feeling of not being valued hahaha rip” deal lol, but also if they Were still currently in their fwb/[???]ship like obviously this would spill over and probably require an at-least-temporary halt to give everyone some space seeing as it’d be a little impossible to truly completely Set That Aside in the recent aftermath l o l ......but despite the lingering tension / awkwardness that would be present whenever they Do next meetup [imagine: an I Was On The Phone With You, Sweetheart phonecall prior to 4x12′s scene?? wrow] the layers to that ensuing sex lol......reunion sex? makeup sex? not-hate-sex-but-maybe-still-needing-to-vent-a-lil-Emotional-frustration-maybe sex? maybe all of the above and more

ANYWAYS even i don’t know why this is so long, and also it’s 7am. i definitely think that winston trusted taylor and the Relationship between them to be able to handle Anger (his, for once, lol) and for that Anger to even potentially be something Constructive. and he was right. and in 4x12 he’s there with them at the very end, wearing the tmc logo, standing behind them in the hellhole which is axe cap hq, knowing that taylor is the one person (here, certainly) who definitely Gets and who’s Got him, who’s asserted this loyalty and commitment to him after he’s certainly done that re: them, and once again winston definitely has this Choice to be here with them just like he must’ve had that choice to join up with their fund in the first place, he’s never been trapped with them or forced into alliance with them, and we just Know that he’s not choosing to be here just for Linkedin reasons / what’s best for career advancement and/or for raking it in as best as he can manage and/or for gaining clout and status or whatever, and we sure never see him reaping some kind of deluxe treatment/benefits just for being closely associated with taylor / having their approval. everything we see points to winston caring most about what happens between him and taylor and that he gets to work with them and that he’s here because of that mutual respect and value for each other. 

and really, the show also repeatedly tells us that winston Does basically have these world-class abilities and *is* that valuable, and we know that winston Knows how good he is, and he must’ve legitimately had all those offers and known that he’s really good enough that these places Should compete for him. he must’ve known that he has this Potential here and all of these options laid out in front of him, and he takes taylor’s call and shows up in a basement for them and singlehandedly writes an algorithm good enough to found their fund upon and he follows them there when now he’s got this Proof of just how incredible his work is and could’ve leveraged that anywhere else. but his relationship with taylor has always had this personal aspect to it and the fact is that, even with his choice of Paths laid out in front of him, he chose and keeps choosing the geography of winnie n tay. Love. thank you and goodnight

[mysterylover123]

BNHA Rewatch: Season 1 Episode 7 “Deku vs Kacchan”

 mysterylover123

Here. We. Go!

Backstory time. (I guess this episode is all about Deku and Kacchan, BTW, so no corner this time. Too much stuff would be in there). Deku recounts their past together. The phrasing is different in different translations. I like how honest Deku is about his rival’s character - how he’s not necessarily “good” or “evil”, but became kind of an asshole after developing his quirk. Also, cute!

More below the cut

Poor Iida, BTW. Saddled with the Worst Teammate Ever. (at least right now. Contrast point: JTA Bakugou)

Though Deku isn’t much better! Sure, get rid of Uraraka! it’s not like you’re fighting a powerful opponent or anything! Not like that Zero G couldn’t solve this problem easily! (You just really wanna mono y mono him, don’t you Deku?)

Deku being strategic! (Why isn’t Bakugou considered captured then and there? All Might said! Capture tape! Shouldn’t that have…oh never mind, who cares. Fight!) 

Here we have the explanation as to why Deku tells Kacchan about his quirk: Kacchan thinks Deku’s been lying to him. And the thing is, he…well, has. Not his whole life, but he has lied to his mom, and presumably via sin of omission, to everyone in his middle school (and UA), including Bakugou. Which Deku is fine with - for everyone else. Because it’s All Might’s secret, and it’s understandable, and Bakugou later reprimands him for telling even him. But that’s the thing. Deku doesn’t feel comfortable lying to Bakugou, and Bakugou alone. For some reason.

Yes, he has a good, rational explanation of why he didn’t work with Uraraka and let her go off to fight Iida. But he immediately undercuts it by reminding us that he does, in fact, wish to fight Kacchan himself. Again, why Filler!Deku is so scared of meeting Kacchan’s challenges head-on when he’s been fully committed to being his rival since Episode7/Chapter 9 is beyond me.

I kinda like how Bakugou has no Tragic Backstory or reason to be the way he is beyond being told his whole life that he’s better than everyone else. It’s such a perfect deconstruction of that Main Hero mindset - you see this same setup in so many other stories, where the Chosen One hero is told from a young age that he’s Destined for Greatness or whatever. And he’s always a perfect cinnamon roll. Instead of the kind of person that treatment would really create. Basically, someone like Bakugou.

More adorable/mean flashbacks. (It’s like watching South Park. They’re so mean but the art style is so cute!) I like how Deku, even LilDeku, doesn’t take shit from Kacchan. He talks back. And he never stops following him around.

Ah, the defining moments. Deku is declared Quirkless and therefore worthless (somebody hug him!) Then the creek incident. This scene is so cute, and it starts this big  visual motif throughout the series pertaining to these two: Deku’s outstretched hand. (one translation I heard of “The Day” translates the line right before they fight in the OP as “reach out and finally take my hand”, which is perfect). But yes, there is this long buildup for Bakugou to one day cast aside that pride, realize that Deku just wants to help him, and Take. That. Hand.

Iidaraka! This scene is so hilariously funny. If I wasn’t already in love with this series before, this moment  clinched it. Iida pretending to be a villain, complete with monologuing (I bet the dub was intentionally referencing The Incredibles there.) Cute Iichaco moment here, I love how he cracks her up. (Though Iida also makes the mistake of taking it too easy on her here. He doesn’t go for the knockout punch and loses for it. Thankfully a certain hothead does not make that same mistake in the sports festival.)

This freaked me out hard the first time I saw it. It’s such a hit. Like damn, how is Deku even alive now? The way it’s animated is so brutal! Though there is an explanation for the giant gauntlets and Bakugou’s quirk that makes a ton of sense here though; Hori even explained how his parents’ quirks made the power later on! It’s all so well thought out. 

So again, this also freaked me out the first time around. He looks fucking crazy (And I loooove crazy characters. Deku the Absolute Madman and Bakugou’s crazyface are a big part of why I watch this series). But later on this gets a callback when All Might is talking about Bakugou “smiling in the face of a wall”, compiled with his smile when facing Uraraka and All Might. So this puts Deku on the same level as those two, the only two opponents Bakugou truly respects. Well, well. :) 

BTW the second of the two manga chapters this episode is based on is called “Breaking Bakugou”. Just a funny bit of trivia. 

Uraraka’s main character flaw at this point, her general lackadaisacal attitude and lack of willingness to just jump in and take initiative, shows up in this arc, and she makes her first step towards overcoming it. She’s inspired by how much Deku wants to win to Go Plus Ultra. I think Uraraka is a character who tends to mold herself after the people around her (her parents, Deku, even Bakugou post Sports Fest briefly), hence why Toga is her Evil Counterpart. This is her flaw, that she doesn’t quite know who she is outside of copying others, and what she needs to overcome. 

We get some comedy as Bakugou gets jealous of Deku ignoring him again. Notice me you damn nerd! You idiot baka! 

Kirishima’s first impressions of Bakugou are all so terrible. It’s hilarious in hindsight since they end up BFFs, but he really thought Bakugou was a reckless asshole the first time around. Also Todoroki’s first line is talking about how Bakugou is smarter than he looks. So let’s enjoy some of my personal headcanon, namely that if Kiri has a crush on a member of Wonder Duo it’s actually Deku, and for Todoroki it’s actually Bakugou. Yes, the reverse of what everyone else thinks.

This fight is so damn brutal. Bakugou pays Deku back in kind for bodyslamming him. Of course, I loved that Deku was planning something that whole time (I knew, first time around, when his dialogue with Uraraka was muted, that he had a plan up his sleeve. And what a plan it is!). But still, watching him get beaten up this badly is hard to see.

Now the big buildup moment. Deku confesses the truth: He wants to beat Kacchan because he thinks Kacchan is amazing. Bakugou thinks Deku is looking down on him, which is such a weird way to twist Midoriya’s behavior - but makes sense if Bakugou, deep down, knows that Deku totally can. And Deku, he just wants to surpass him. As he puts it later on, his image of Victory. 

YOU SAY RUN. Drink! As an aside, All Might has a very interesting role in the whole Deku vs Kacchan thing. Not only is he the reason for their conflict (each idolize him/wanna be like him in different ways), he also perpetuates it willingly here by not stopping the fight. And he does so because he wants to support Deku. Which is interesting. All Might has some perception into Midoriya, and he comments here that this is the most pumped up he’s seen Deku. Bakugou brings that out in Midoriya, and that’s why All Might is, overall, rather supportive of them mending their friendship, ending up as Wonder Duo, the best heroes who Win and Rescue. Because Deku needs that  challenge in his life to amp him up. To keep him going. 

And now Deku’s plan. I’m not sure if the Entrance Exam bit counts, because at the time he didn’t know how badly his body would be effed up, but this time he does. So I’m calling it: The first instance of Absolute Madman Deku. My favorite Deku moments are always these bits, where he does something so crazy and brilliant and self-destructive that it shouldn’t work, but because he’s also clever, it totally does. And with Uraraka’s teamwork, the Hero Team wins! 

We end on a moment between Deku and Kacchan, where Deku (pulling the first of his true Crazy Eyes faces) tells Kacchan that he was not, in fact, looking down on him, and only holding back because he’d be hurt. And the anime adds, from the Manga, Kacchan looking kind of shocked about what he’s seeing, maybe even a little guilty/horrified by Deku hurting himself. What an ending!

So the first time around, after watching the first four eps day-by-day at work, I had a weekend where I binged through the rest of Season 1, so my first impressions of the rest of the season aren’t as clear to me as those first few episodes. In hindsight, I think this is one of the best episodes of Season 1, and one of the first that really started fleshing out these characters into the complex little tragic heroes they are today. It’s all just glimpses of the surface; little to indicate how much is really lying beneath. But it’s important, nonetheless, as an early indicator. 

Best Girl of the Episode: Mina Ashido!

Ranker: Favorite BNHA Fights (So Far)

10. Deku vs Kacchan 1

This is my favorite fight of S1. I love the strategy that Deku uses. 

9. Deku vs Muscular

So hard to watch. So much pain. The tears the joy. Everything.

8. Todoroki and Momo vs Aizawa

Momo needs more fights. But she and Todoroki make a great tag team.

7. Deku and Kacchan vs All Might

As do Wonder Duo. Fighting All Might is just cool. Character Development!

6. Deku vs Overhaul

Season 4 is going to be Lit.

5. Hero Killer Stain vs UA Students

Such a multilayered fight. Three great fighters  vs one unstoppable villain.

4. Uraraka vs Bakugou

Absolutely astounding. Full of surprises and emotional and cool.

3. Deku vs Todoroki

An absolute tearjerker and unbelievably brutal. Cannot watch without getting nervous.

2. Deku vs Kacchan Part 2

Partly the animation, which is so beautiful it should be in the Louvre. But also the fight itself. Of course. Strategy, emotion, Deku and Kacchan. 

Hon Mention: The Movie’s Class A and All Might vs Metal Villain, All Might vs Nomu, Todoroki vs Bakugou, all the Beta Sports Fest fights, Jiro and Koda vs Present mic, Tetsu and Kendo vs Mustard, Deku vs Gentle and La Brava, Endeavor vs high End.

1. All Might vs All for One

4 words. “Now it’s your turn.”

[cuddlemonsterdean]

A little Supernatural question, fill-out, thing! Pop the questions into a text post and answer for yourself if you want!

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

October 2012, when season 8 was airing, and right around the time everything in my life was taking a serious nose-dive that was about to get much worse. honestly if i hadn’t found it then, i don’t know if i’d still be here at all.

i didn’t even have an account yet so i was browsing someone’s blog that had stuff from all kinds of fandoms on it. around that time i had been lurking in the batman fandom for a bit but it wasn’t really doing it for me so i was looking for something new to obess over. i kept seeing gifsets and stuff from spn, so i thought i’d give it a go. the first ep i watched was Lazarus Rising, and within not even 10 minutes i knew that this was it

2. Who is your favorite in TFW? 

I just love dean so much - he means everything to me. he’s taught me so much, he makes me happy, he inspires me. he makes me be brave when i don’t wanna be

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW? 

that’s a weird question??? i might not blog about them as much but i don’t dislike sam or cas. honestly it makes me sad when people (as in, fans) try to pitch tfw against each other

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs! 

i don’t follow a whole lot of people because i’m cautious of wank and stan wars and such but i love having @postmodernmulticoloredcloak @wigglebox @jensensitive @dotthings @occamshipper @mittensmorgul @deathswaywardson and @softcuddlydean on my dash :) (...that’s eight already. and i probably forgot someone. i’m not good with numbers okay!! o(>.<)o)

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

it’s so hard to pick one but - Donna!!! i love her so much, she’s so upbeat and fun too watch but she has depth too and layers and i’ve really enjoyed how they’ve developed her as a character. i kind of look up to her :)

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural? 

basically the same as above but - honestly all of the women are awesome

7. John or Mary? 

i don’t like this vs trend but Mary. maybe she’s difficult to love, but i personally really appreciate the decisions they made regarding her character and her character development, that she wasn’t this perfect mother dean remembered. i’ve never, ever, been able to relate to a mother child dynamic on tv before mary and dean. oftentimes mothers are portrayed as either perfect or evil, and to see this struggle, this gray area - it meant a lot to me, it was really powerful. i in general appreciate the message that it’s possible to both love and hate your parents at the same time, and that it’s something that’s just allowed to be that way

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack? 

i honestly don’t really remember. it’s also difficult because i already had half a foot in fandom and was also watching season 8 while it aired while also playing catch up on season 1-7 at the same time. with jack, i remember that i really appreciated alexander calvert’s acting choices, because he did this blend of innocent and ominous/threatening so well

9. What’s your favorite season? 

if you’d asked me this during season 13, i’d have said season 13, but now it’s definitely season 14 (for now, since 15 just started airing). the michael storyline was like my favorite ever (and inspired my to write what i think is, so far, my best deancas longfic), but also overall the season was so neat and fascinating thematically

10. What’s your least favorite season? 

i don’t really have one, though i’d say while rewatching the entire show over the summer i found season 6 the hardest to get through. not even because of everything that goes down with cas but like - the one and only good thing that happens to team free will there was getting sam’s soul back, and even that had painful repercussions. there is some really interesting stuff in there, but overall it was hard to watch

11. Opinions on Destiel? 

it’s canon. like - if someone tries to tell me it’s not i have to assume they’re being willfully ignorant on the subject (of course it’s perfectly fine not to ship it and stuff but arguing its very existence is kind of ridiculous at this point)

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits? 

no. honestly i kind of feel like that word gets thrown around so quickly and so frequently people have forgotten what queerbaiting actually is and what it is not, and that’s done some serious damage

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

again with the vs thing but - 8-14. dean and sam finally have a bigger family and an actual home, that alone always makes me gravitate more to the later seasons

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)? 

Michael (big surprise XD). i enjoyed him so much, especially since he foreshadows what dean’s going through in regards to chuck/god rn

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line? 

don’t know when this questionaire was made - i think it’s over, and they did well with it

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)? 

honestly, i think with trauma, we shouldn’t compare it like that. they’ve all been traumatized repeatedly - sometimes in similiar ways, but even then everyone reacts differently. it’s not fair to do comparisons, and it doesn’t help either

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode? 

i used to say i’m married to The Executioner’s Song, then Tombstone aired and i had the time of my life, and then Nihilism aired - and that ep was like everything i’ve ever wanted. i bet @postmodernmulticoloredcloak can still remember me spamming them via text while watching - which took me like two hours because i kept screaming about everything basically XD

18. Do you like case episodes? 

i love them

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW? 

dean. for all the reasons i already stated in 2., but also i’m the oldest daughter and had to protect my younger siblings as a kid (domestic violence situation, among other things). my younger “sister” and i weren’t blood related but i would have died for her, she meant everything to me. plus, dean’s really emotional but has a lot of protective walls that he needs to survive, and i can relate to that as well

20. Why do you like Supernatural? 

too many reasons to list them all. there’s dean, there’s the whole found family trope. the complexity of the characters and their dynamics, the deeply psychological themes than run through the entire narrative. i think you can really tell that the people - actors, writers, directors, crew - really love making the show, and put a lot of effort into it. it’s not a “perfect” show (which doesn’t exist anyway) but it’s made with love. plus we got this amazing cast that cares so much and gives so much, and it really makes you feel less alone, makes you feel seen and heard even if you never meet any of them face to face. it’s genuine, and it’s rare, and i cherish it, just like the show

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be? 

hm, i genuinely can’t think of anyone i’d kill off rn. who i’d bring back - benny was awesome and i miss him. also eileen, but apparently we will see her again in some way, so there’s that :)

@wigglebox i did this because you said you’re tagging everyone who wants to do this, so now i’m stealing your move and saying the same! ;D

[trbld-writer]

➺ kiss it better, baby

Pairing: Min Yoongi x female Reader ft. Hoseok

Genre: FLÜFF, brother’s best friend!au

Warnings: rejection/getting stood up, mentions of marijuana consumption, mentions of alcohol consumption, some language, pillowy softness of my favorite birthday baby, protective Big Bros Sope

Word count: 4,023 words

Synopsis: Kisses make everything better, don’t they?

Note: IT’S MY FAVORITE BOY’S BIRTHDAY!! I actually did not plan or expect for this to be done for Yoongi’s birthday but I’m glad it is. I wrote most (read: all) of this in one sitting and I went through a very brief edit before posting it, so I apologize for any mistakes. This is dedicated to my favorite boy in the world who has my whole heart and soul and ass, and thanks to @snakescript and @kittae for helping me out!! Also, I’m tagging @prolixitae because she’s the love of my life. I hope you enjoy!!

[masterlist]

“How does this look, Yoongi?“

You stepped out of the dressing room, the dress you chose accentuating your waist with a flaring skirt. Doing a little twirl, you struck a pose in front of your best friend. Yoongi felt his heart drop to his knees when he turned to you. The dark blue dress you had picked out looked like it was tailored to fit you perfectly. He felt his jaw drop and his cheeks heat up looking at you. A few moments in awkward silence passed before you waved a hand in front of his face, laughing at his behavior.

“Yoongi? You alright?“

He snapped out of his daze and laughed it off. I mean, it was just his best friend’s sister picking out a dress for her date. No big deal. Totally fine. But his heart was racing. Oh, how he would love to be the guy who would be so lucky to sit across from you, hear about your day, see your blushy cheeks, and hear your laughter.

“Yeah, it looks great. You should get that one,” he said, looking away as not to stare and fall for you even more. You let out a content hum and disappeared into the changing room again. He heaved out a sigh and sat down on one of the chairs again.

Yoongi cannot remember a moment where he was not in love with you, even if he tried. Ever since you were kids, ever since Yoongi got to know Hoseok and through Hoseok, you, he has never not been in love.

One of the first times you made his heart flutter was when Yoongi crashed into a rose bush on a hot summer day while he was looking over to you. In a failed attempt to impress you, he scraped his knees and got some scratches on his face. You were playing on your porch when you heard Hoseok yell and laugh at his best friend. As the place of the accident was your neighbor’s front porch, you ran to him, Hoseok’s joyous laughter in the background. Helping him up, you checked on the wounds and pulled him inside, much to his embarrassment.

“Where were you looking, Yoongi? Hm?” you had playfully scolded him, making his face burn in an even deeper shade of red. He did not answer, instead opting for watching you get a small first aid kit before settling down in front of him. You cleaned up the wounds on his knees first, putting two bigger bandaids on them before straightening up to examine his face. He could not look you in the eye, sweat running down the back of his neck in embarrassment.

You hummed a little melody while cleaning the scratches, ignoring his flinches and whines when it stung particularly lots.

“Stay still, let me take care of you,” you had muttered, shutting him up effectively. Putting two bandaids on his cheek and forehead, you impulsively had leaned forward to place little kisses on the treated wounds.

Yoongi flinched, his back hitting the chair as he put one hand on his cheek. His face was now on fire and he did not blink as he stared at you.

“What was that for?” he exclaimed, heart palpitating as he watched you shrug.

“Mommy does that when we get hurt. Kisses make the pain go away.”

Another incident that made his crush for you grow was in high school. Being a few years your senior and you taking similar classes as him, Hoseok arranged for him to tutor you when he noticed your struggle in some classes.

It was one particularly cold day, just a week before Valentine’s day. The two of you had bundled up, wrapped in blankets as you were sitting in the library, going over the same problem over and over. You were not able to concentrate, not with Yoongi sitting across from you, the scarf almost bigger than him. His hair was a light pink color back then, a stark difference to his dark brows that were sure to fly off his forehead as he raised them higher and higher when you tried to solve the problem and failed each time. You shoved the book away from you.

“I can’t concentrate. It’s been a long day, Yoongi, I wanna go home,” you whined, pouting. He sighed and closed the book.

“Okay, fine.”

You packed your things and you sat together in silence for a while, watching the snowflakes settle on the ground in fluffy bits.

“Do you have a valentine, Yoongi?” you asked, turning towards him. You felt your cheeks getting warm and hoped he would not see.

Everyone you knew had a crush on Yoongi, yourself included. He was everything you wanted in a person, even if many people would disagree. He seemed grumpy and cold, but once you got past that exterior, he showed his caring, sweet nature. He was attentive, always picking up bits and pieces from your conversations, bringing you gifts on your birthday and Christmas, taking care of you when you were sick and Hoseok was not home while your parents were working. He was hard-working, albeit a little of a sleepyhead but you adored his ambition and passion for things he liked.

Not only did he have a great personality, but Yoongi was also very attractive. His cat-like eyes that seemed to be watching every move, his cute button nose, and plush lips that were almost irresistible. Although he was on the shorter side, he had a nice build and gave the greatest hugs. His voice was something you could listen to for hours. It was deep, raspy, and comforting. His hands, which he often liked to scribble on, were rough and calloused, a few scars adorning them. They were the perfect size to hold and you could only imagine how well yours would fit into them.

In short, Yoongi was your perfect man. Plus, he was your brother’s best friend and there was something forbidden about it that made your heart skip a beat.

However, you had never voiced any of your thoughts about him, scared to ruin the sacred friendship you, Hoseok, and Yoongi had. Although Hoseok was perfectly aware of your feelings for each other.

He thought for a bit, lips forming the perfect kissable pout, before shaking his head. “Nope.”

Your heart skipped a beat upon hearing that. “And you have no one in mind?”

Curiosity got the better of you and without noticing, you had leaned forward a bit. Yoongi’s gaze fell on you, irises almost filled out, and you leaned back against your chair, a bit startled. After a bit, he just sighed out.

“No, there’s no one around that would really catch my eye.”

Liar, his heart yelled, you’re a liar, Yoongi! And everyone knows it! Even a stranger would know that you’re head over heels for her!

You felt your heart drop and the corners of your lips drooped a little. Catching yourself just in time before he would notice your mood change, you smiled. “Yeah, me neither.”

 A week later, the whole hall was decked out in reds and pinks, celebrating the day of love.

“Capitalistic bullshit,” you had murmured under your breath, causing Yoongi to just give an affirmative grunt. The pair of you walked across the hall, separating with a “See you later” and walking to your respective classes. Smirking to yourself, you sat down and waited for class to start.

Just half an hour later, you got a text from Yoongi.

 Yoongi: wtf

You: what is it

Yoongi: i got a fuckin rose.

 You grinned to yourself, trying to stifle your laughter. You had sent him the rose, a little love letter with “happy valentine’s, don’t be so bitter just bc ur alone <3” scribbled on it.

 You: any idea who it could be? ;)

Yoongi: either u or hoseok. i’m guessing it was u judging from the look on your face

 Your head snapped up and you saw Yoongi standing in front of the door, looking through the little side window and giving you The Finger. You could barely contain your laughter and blew him a kiss before mouthing “Love you”. He gave you a disgusted look, ignoring his fluttering heart.

 A few years later after your graduation, Yoongi was still heavily in love with you, despite various dates and flings on either side. You were always on his mind. However, the contact never broke, despite being a few years apart and Yoongi traveling a lot. You would meet up occasionally, text each other almost every day, a phone call once a week, and both of your hearts still beating heavily for each other. Sometimes, you would fall asleep while on video chat, leaving him to feel his heart almost bursting from seeing you in that peaceful state of sleep. College was stressing you out, the constant assignments and hours of studying tugging on your patience and your sanity.

 Hoseok, of course, knew about your crush on Yoongi and about his on you, never passing up an opportunity to tease either of you about it. One day, however, you had told him and Yoongi over a cup of coffee that you had been set up for a blind date by one of your classmates, Julia. She wanted you to have a little distraction from studying most of the time and promptly set a date with one of her friends.

“I don’t know what he’s like. She just told me that he was really my type,” you said, worrying your lower lip between your teeth. Hoseok did not miss the way your eyes wandered to Yoongi as you spoke. He reached over the table to grab your hand.

“I bet he’s a nice guy,” he spoke calmly, to which Yoongi just nodded.

“If he isn’t, call us and we’ll beat him up.”

You let out a giggle, shaking your head. “Of course, Yoongi. I just hope I don’t have to.”

 So here you were, picking out a dress for the dinner date you were set up for. Your feet were aching from walking around the mall with Yoongi, who seemed to like every dress you had tried on. In the end, you bought the dark blue one, deeming it to be fitting for the occasion. As you were taking the commute back home, you let out a heavy sigh.

“Nervous?” Yoongi asked, tilting his head. “No need to be, he’ll love you in no time.”

Just like I did, he thought to himself.  

You huffed out a “Yeah, sure” while looking out of the window.

“I guess it’s just weird to have a date set up for you. I mean, I easily could’ve gotten one on my own but whatever,” you laughed. “Julia was so worried that I’d die alone and bitter that she did it herself.”

 When you got home, Yoongi and Hoseok disappeared in Hoseok’s room. It’ll probably smell like weed in an hour, you thought while setting down your bag in your room. Knocking on Hoseok’s door, you were immediately greeted with your brother’s kind face.

“I’ll be in the shower if you need me.”

Hoseok smiled and nodded, his eyebrows raising. “Alright. If you wanna eat, there are some leftovers from last night. But we’ll probably order a pizza later.”

You laughed at his expectant expression and told him your regular order before walking off to the bathroom for a nice, long shower. You were sweaty and tired from spending the whole day at the mall, Yoongi’s presence not making it any easier for you to be calm.

 “Hyung, can you do me a favor?” Hoseok asked before settling down on his bed, taking a drag from his joint.

“Anything for you, Hoseok. What is it?”

“When did you get so soft on me?” he laughed, both Yoongi’s words and the slowly approaching high making him fuzzy. Yoongi just let out a grunt, snatching the blunt from Hoseok’s hands.

“Can you, like, follow Y/N when she goes to her date? Discreetly, of course. You probably know where they’re going so just,” he sighed, “make sure she’s safe, yeah?”

Yoongi listened intently to his request, nodding along to the soft bass of the music he had turned on. “Yeah, sure. I mean, I want her to be safe, too.”

“Of course you do,” Hoseok snickered, wiggling his eyebrows. He laughed when Yoongi threw a pillow at him, his flushed cheeks giving his feelings away.

 The next day, you took your sweet time getting ready. It was a Saturday, so no classes. There were no essays to write, no stress and no worries. After putting your dress on and doing your hair, you sat down to ground yourself, doing your makeup. You settled for a simple eyeliner and nude lips, deeming it appropriate. Julia called you, asking how you were feeling, if you were nervous. You were indeed very nervous, not knowing what to expect. She then started gushing about your date, how you would like him, how friendly and approachable he was, and that he would not let you down.

So you went to the restaurant she had told you, hopes high and heart beating out of your chest. You only knew his name, Mark, so you looked around in hopes of finding him. You asked a waitress if there was a table under his name and she led you to it.

Yoongi was sitting near the door, one of his friends accompanying him. He had you in his peripheral vision, cautious and attentive to every move you would make.

He isn’t here yet, you thought, looking at your phone. Well, I’m a little early anyways.

You waited, your stomach rumbling every now and then. Fifteen minutes passed. You texted Julia.

 You: where tf is he?

Julia: he hasn’t shown up yet?

You: no and i’m starving lol

Julia: that’s so unlike him tho, i’ll try to call him

 You set down your phone, your face getting hot with shame as you noticed the other dining guest giving you weird looks. Yoongi’s heart dropped and he was about to get up when his friend stopped him.

“Don’t. Yoongi, she can’t know you’re here yet,” she murmured, giving a look to you over her shoulder. She too felt bad, but knowing how it felt to be stood up, your disappointment will soon turn into anger and that’s when Yoongi would intervene.

Half an hour passed and you were getting impatient with your stomach rumbling quite loudly.

 You: has he fallen asleep or what

You: i’m getting pissed

Julia: Y/N i’m so fucking sorry, he doesn’t even pick up his phone, i’m so sorry

You: it’s not your fault, i’m just gonna order some rlly good food and have a date w myself lol

Julia: i’m really so sorry Y/N it wasn’t meant to be like this seriously

You: jules it’s okay really. it isn’t your fault and i’m not mad at you promise. i rlly appreciate your effort

 You set your phone down, ignoring the influx of messages from your friend and Hoseok asking about your date. You raised your hand, a waiter coming immediately. Ordering a fancy, decadent dish, along with some wine, you let the angry tears burn in your eyes and roll down your cheeks. Seems like he wasn’t such a great great guy, after all, you thought.

“Mind if I join you?”

You heard the chair across from you shuffle, a dark shirt coming into view before you were met with a very familiar face.

“Hi, I’m Yoongi. You must be Y/N if I’m not mistaken?” he smiled and tilted his head.

He had texted your brother about you getting stood up, not spilling anything about your bitter smile and the tears running down your cheeks in order not to make Hoseok angrier than he already was. His ‘date’ was kind and understanding when he just murmured profanities after an hour had passed and he took matters into his own hands. She left after he sat down, sending him a wink and mouthing “Good luck” to him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” you hiccuped, frantically trying to wipe the tears away.

“Don’t act like this is the first time I’ve seen you cry, Y/N,” he said lowly, gently grabbing your hands. It was embarrassing you even more now. Not only getting stood up, but crying in public and having Yoongi sitting across from you, out of pity probably.

“Why are you here?” you whined, a single hiccup following the question. The burn in your throat was too much to handle, resulting in you downing the wine that was soon brought to your table. You ignored the look the waiter gave you, Yoongi smiling apologetically while declining the offer of getting wine as well.

He spoke up again after the waiter left. “It sounds really fucking creepy but Hoseok sent me to check on you.”

You let out a quiet groan. “I’m not fucking fifteen anymore, Yoongi, I can take care of myself.”

He shot you a look that said ‘clearly you can’ and you rolled your eyes. He cleared his throat, cheeks warm with affection.

“I know that, Hoseok knows that as well, Y/N. We just both really care about you, okay?”

His thumbs stroked over the back of your hands affectionately and you just stared blankly at your hands in his, reminiscing of the times where you were dreaming of this moment. You just wished it would not have been under this circumstance where he would be holding your hands.

Your voice came out raspy, the lump in your throat too thick to swallow. “Thank you. What about your date? You weren’t here alone, were you?”

“No, I was here with a friend. But she was very understanding and left when I came here.”

He smiled and nodded at your food. “Eat up and we can go somewhere else. Or I’ll take you home. Whatever you prefer.”

You let out a light laugh and took one hand out of his warm, gentle grip to dig into your food. Despite the salty taste of tears on your tongue, you gladly welcomed the delicious aroma and your gut appreciated it as well. A while later, you were sipping on your fourth glass of wine while Yoongi watched you with love in his eyes. Finishing the drink, you took out your wallet but Yoongi was quick to grab your wrist.

“It’s on me.”

After a bit of bickering about who should pay, you gave in and let him. He grinned triumphantly and helped you get into your jacket. He put his arm around your shoulders, you put an arm around his waist and so you walked to his car.

“Thank you, Yoongi. Even if that Mark dude is an asshole, I know I’ll always have someone who won’t disappoint me,” you laughed lightly, getting comfortable in the familiar seat.

He gave an affirmative hum, starting the engine and driving off to your house. When you arrived, a heavy blanket of sleep had draped over you and you yawned when Yoongi walked you to the front door.

Fumbling with the keys, you heard a click and the door opened, revealing Hoseok in his pajamas.

“Hey, how was it?” he asked, knowing fully well what the answer was.

Tears welled up in your eyes again, hot anger and shame clouding your vision as a quiet sob bubbled up in your throat. Hoseok pulled you inside, his arms wrapping around your shoulders immediately. He let you sob on his shoulders, rubbing your back affectionately.

“Shh, it’s okay. He’s a dick. Don’t worry about it, it’s not your fault,” he mumbled into your ear.

Yoongi watched the scene in front of him and he could feel his heart break. He was about to turn around and leave, feeling like an intruder in such an intimate moment between siblings, but you stopped him.

“Yoongi was there though. He came to sit with me. He even paid for my food, Hoseok! Min Yoongi paid for my food,” you laughed in a tipsy haze, grabbing his hand without thinking too much about it. Hoseok grinned and patted your head.

“Seems like you still had a good time then. Thanks for taking her home, hyung,” he said, his smile softening when he saw how you had wrapped around Yoongi, leaving the poor man flustered.

“Take me to bed?” you looked up at him, knowing that he could not resist your pout.

Hoseok gasped dramatically, “Not in my good Christian household!”

You all laughed and you tried to playfully hit your brother, “Don’t be a perv, Hoseok. I didn’t mean it that way.”

He chuckled. “I know, I know.” He kissed your forehead. “Sleep well, sis. You’ll survive.”

You nodded, eyes closed with fatigue already but you tugged Yoongi to your room by his sleeve. He sat down on your bed while you took off your makeup and took care of your hair. After brushing your teeth, you started taking off your dress but your zipper got stuck halfway down.

“Yoongi, help.”

He got up, cheeks burning while he fumbled with your zipper. It wasn’t that you were standing in front of him ready to undress what had him so fussy. Your vulnerability, which you rarely showed towards him, was what made his hands shaky and sweaty. When he finally got the zipper to slide all the way down, he was lucky you were already half asleep so you could not hear how his breath hitched when he noticed your undergarments.

“I was so dolled up, ready to get some tonight. Can you fucking imagine, Yoongi?” you slurred, your lips loose both from the wine and sleepiness.

He just chuckled. “I can’t.”

He sucked in a breath when you dropped the dress and walked to your wardrobe to take out an old shirt. He muttered under his breath, “Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

Pulling the shirt over your head, you got rid of your bra before pulling out some sweats. Turning around, you rubbed your eyes. Yoongi noticed that it was his shirt adorning your figure and his breath got caught in his throat when he thought about seeing you in the morning with his shirt on. He must have left it one night when he was visiting Hoseok.

He cleared his throat. “Let’s get you to bed.”

You slipped under the covers, pulling them up to your chin. Opening your eyes to watch Yoongi wipe a single tear away from your cheek, you smiled drowsily at him. Your heart was doing somersaults at the look he gave you, adoring and full of love. His eyes sparkled, like the night sky. You always wanted to tell him you loved his eyes, tell him you loved his voice, his hands, his music. Him. But you just could not bring yourself to do it.

Your throat constricted again, tears burning.

“Thank you for tonight, Yoongi. For everything.”

He gave you a little smile, leaning down to kiss your forehead and ignoring the butterflies that filled up his gut. “Anytime, Y/N. I’ll always be there.”

Tears started rolling down your cheeks again, with Yoongi letting out a small laugh while wiping them away. “But there’s no need to get all mushy on me. You knew that already.”

You laughed through your tears. “I know, I just,” you heaved out a little giggle, “I just really feel the love in this Chili’s tonight.”

He leaned forward, laughing until his shoulders shook. “You’re such a fucking idiot,” he said. ‘But I love you.’ He almost let it slip through his lips, knowing that you would not take it the way he meant it. But he could not bring himself to do it. He just shook his head with a soft smile, wiping your final tears away.

“Sleep tight, Y/N.”

“Good night, Yoongi. And thank you again, I had a great time,” you murmured, more to yourself than speaking to him.

He could feel his heart bursting at its seams, love overflowing within him. “Me too.”

He leaned down again, pressing his lips to your forehead and getting brave, on your cheek.

You giggled sleepily, “What was that for?”

“Kisses make the pain go away, don’t they?”

all rights reserved. 

[infinitiesofbooks]

Me rambling about S3 and being an emotional mess

Okay, I have feelings and I need to talk about them. This is not a constructive analysis or anything this is just me talking about SOME of my favorite clips from season 3 of Skam France because it's the end and i'm emotional.

I knew this season would be awesome from the second I saw the trailer.It was genius and I still watch it sometimes because wow.I love that we saw the I saw you the first day of school scene. I love that we were all fooled into believing it was Lucas. Because he's the main and i also think because of the clothes, that's something Isak could wear. But little did we know they were making their own thing.

"T'es pas comme les autres" + adding to this the minute par minute talk

Skam is a very emotional show, with very emotional scenes but I didn't cry cry as much as everyone did. And it's okay obviously. I teared up, thought I was going to die because of the pain, internally sobbed during the whole season. (For me it's 50/50 or I cry a LOT or I just can't because I just have too many emotions and my body is just dying, but it doesn't diminish the pain oh no) But the only two times where I really really really cried were during T'es pas comme les autres and the minute par minute talk. For mpm, I was expecting it. This is my favorite quote of the Skam universe, I use it everyday and it really helped me dealing with mental illness. I knew hearing it in my native language would wreck me. I was tearing up during the whole clip but I just bursted into tears when Lucas said it.

But I was not expecting the "T'es pas comme les autres" clip. I remember watching it, sobbing, thinking what the hell is happening to me. It's a mixture of Lucille's speech, the piano music (i tear up everytime i listen to it) and the images of Eliott. this.was.too.much.for.me. But I love this clip with all of my heart, and I cry as much everytime I rewatch it but I love it.

The piano scene

This scene. This freaking scene. It's unique,it's beautiful, it's a masterpiece. I have a thing with piano, it always gets me emotional and it's my favorite instrument, and I listen to piano music every day.But.this. this was incredible. And it's a scene nobody expected and wow it had so much impact. I can't find the words about how much I love this scene. And I won't ever be able to forget the T'es Suprenant. I remember not being able to sleep after this scene because I couldn't get over it.

Intervention

This is one of my favorite clip. First the acting, Axel how how how? I also love how it's as much as a sad clip as an hopeful one. Yes, it's sad but Mika and Manon are here for Lucas, he finally has support, and it's the clip where things are changing , Lucas starts accepting himself in the next clip and it's beautiful. And also some things that were said in this clip hit me so strongly and I think about them everyday.

Viens on en parle pas

god. Manon coming to Lucas? Her crying ? Him conforting her? And then when he started to cry my heart broke. This was powerful and I'm so glad this clip exists.

Also I didn't talk about Le premier, Combien de Lucas dans l'Univers, the painting/fucking, french o helga natt,not because I don't love them, because I freaking do, they're in my top 10,or even 5 clips (especially combien de lucas, if I did a top 3 it would be here with the piano scene and T'es pas comme les autres (this clip did something to me okay?) and the parallel universe talk with the music behind always get me so so so so emotional and tearing up) but because I've already talk so much about them and said pretty much everything I wanted to say.

Special mentions to Eliott following Lucas on instagram. So many of the instas udpdates are pure gold, so so so many, but I don't think I freaked out more in my entire life than the day Eliott followed Lucas. I literaly went home walking because I had too many feelings and needed to calm down.

Also a little list of my fav things from watching S3

-Lucas & the girl squad. Every. Single. Interaction.

-the millions french words the international fandom is now saying (please don't use them in french class)

-moi c'est Eliott + I can still remember Maxence and his chocolates bars on his insta story being so excited about the clip

-Lucas stalking Eliott

-the whole foyer subplot

-P. O. L. A. R. I. S

I got so emotional over a gifset the other day with the first kiss and O helga natt with the polaris quote

And the fandom becoming astronomers

-Alexia being a bisexual queen

-the dubstep is still making me laugh especially Lucas listening to it and saying he's into it to Chloé

-the unsubtleness. cf : how would you draw me

-Lucas and the marks on his cheeks during the foyer party

-i have an unhealthy obsession with the call your girlfriend scene, seriously, how many times can i watch a clip before it gets weird? Also when the music change when Eliott looks up ahhhhh

-Pas forcément une meuf (and the whole I want to be in a relationship thing ), I have a tattoo appointment to put this on my forehead.

-The whole Grillé clip was gold

-I love Pecholand too, it's so funny to rewatch because ahhh we knew it. Also just Lucas's voice when he's changing the subject from Eliott to something else. Everytime I watch it, I have this feeling, you know, when someone or something is brought up and you start panicking a little inside and you try to stay calm and like nothing is affecting but you're still trying to change the subject. It's a very specific feeling and he NAILED it, the tone of his voice is exactly exactly this.

-The beginning of Phase de Latence (ending ?? What ending?? This clip ends when Lucas steps out of the classroom)

-Emma and her lava lamp. Emma, my love. I see so much of me and my friends in Emma, and the more we have the more I love her. She just seems so real to me.

-The Isak reference

-Arthur&Basile + Daphné + Yann + Imane reaction and talk after Lucas coming out

-the J'ai tué ma mère ref. I knew it. I wanted it. They delivered. Thank you.

-the reaction to the mural monday morning omg. I really thought they were going to repaint it after. But these idiots didn't and they didn't even try denying anything. And I would have bet Daphné would have killed them but I'm glad she loved it.

-Eliott + Imane

-The boy squad Fangirl™ Moment to Elu. I wanna tattoo their faces on my face.

-Them hanging out in the park. This felt so nostalgic to me. It's exactly how I spent my 1ère afternoons in high school, lying in the grass with my friends, reading, talking and it's some of my best memories.

-Elu shotgunning omg

-Emma Manon and Lucas drunk = incredible

-Basile speechs and supporting Boy Squad

-Lucas and his mom AND THE FREAKING PIANO WHEN HE WROTE THE TEXT

-Him defending the mural, Imane being a queen and then Daphné after too

-Leave a light on hahahaha

-the realness of J'ai pas besoin de toi (just wanted to say, i'm still singing Joyce Jonathan every time, just because of the title, not any signification)

-Lucas and Eliott being THAT annoying couple

-All the drawings

-Raccons and hedgehog

-the acting. I just can't see Axel and Maxence, no matter how hard I try (i just tried it for the sake of this point and I just can't, they don't exist when filming)

-David making me cry with his instagram posts

-every single update from instagram

-David changing his profil pics and the fandom loosing it

-the scarf™

-Just everything the cast did. I could make a whole separate post for that.

-Wednesdays

-All the times we were fooled

-THE FREAKING JE T'AIME I'M STILL NOT OVER IT

-Eliott counting the minutes he's been appart from Lucas in the last clip, that dork

I feel like i'm forgetting so so many things, but I can't write down everything, especially the fandom stuffs and how much we freaked out over everything, and all the debates and theories but this has been my favorite part

I'm so glad for this season, and it had been an incredible ride. I also think i would not be this attached to it if I didn't discuss the clips with everybody on tumblr everyday. Thank you. You all made this special.

I wanted to start tagging people but the list was getting way way way too long and I'm afraid to forget someone and also the less people see my rambling the better it is. But if we talked even once,or if we’re mutuals, or If I liked your posts or you liked mine, i love you. So i'm just gonna thank my two friends I talk everyday with.

@praecise we've been talking since the beginning of the season and I'm so glad i was on that ride with you, you're the best

@aspewofnonsense we started really talking only after but i'm so so glad we did and i can't wait to meet you in may

I'm a really nostalgic person and I hate endings, and even if it's also a beginning because you bet i'm gonna follow S4 with the same energy ( I was already so hyped just by seeing Imane at the end of the last clip) , it's the end of Lucas pov and I will forever miss him. And seeing everybody in the tag saying goodbye and thank you to our boy ahhhh. Watching this season was an unique experience and it was so special. But i can't believe this is over. This morning i was listening to music when Remember attacked me without my consent and i started full on sobbing. The whole day i felt almost sick because i knew it was the end, in my last class i was really really feeling bad i couldn't do anything. But after the clip i was sad but also so much happy. I'm so thankful for this season and for Lucas's story.

(Also after the last clip, i was sitting on the ground in the train watching the landscape through the windows as the sun was setting, thinking about everything ,poetic cinema right there)

This afternoon I was like I should be less dramatic. But fuck it, I like being 300% invested in this. Being inside a fandom is my favorite thing.

I feel like I could never say everything I want to say, but (i was listening to music and my song just say i just wanna say thank you as I was writing this yes that's exactly this song) I just wanna say thank you. <3