#i spend every second of my free time thinking about the sad cowboy game

[rurukatt]

i apologize for the influx of rdr2 related art, i know it isn't what most of you are here for, my brain is just full of cowboys right now 😔✌

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

Songs that make me think of the Marauders (PART TWO)

(part one)

Everything Happens For A Reason (Madison Beer)

Remus, after the Prank, completely heartbroken and completely confused… when did Sirius stop loving him in that sweet, gentle way he’d always promised to?

When did Sirius start seeing him as the monster he's always sworn Remus isn't?

I used to believe That everything happens for a reason But I just can't find a reason You'd wanna hurt me so bad

Can't get no relief Time moves on with the seasons But I still can't find a reason You'd wanna hurt me so bad

And what in the world did I do to deserve such a pain in my heart? Guess it's true I'm never getting over you

I still love you I still want you I still love you

If You Love Her (Forest Blakk)

This is the song Sirius and Remus play during their first dance. Fight me.

She always has trouble falling asleep And she likes to cuddle while under the sheets She loves pop songs and dancing, and bad trash TV There's still a few other things She loves love notes and babies and likes giving gifts Has a hard time accepting a good compliment She loves her whole family and all of her friends So if you're the one she lets in

Kiss her with passion as much as you can Run your hands through her hair whenever she's sad And when she doesn't notice how pretty she is Tell her over and over, so she never forgets

Take it If she gives you her heart, don't you break it Let your arms be a place she feels safe in She's the best thing that you'll ever have On days when it feels like the whole world might cave in Stand side by side and you'll make it She'll love you if you love her like that

cowboy like me (Taylor Swift)

Sirius and Remus go on the run together after James’ death. Not at first - they meet up in a bar about three months after. But after that three months they’re inseparable again - desperately in love, playing Robin Hood, driving a blue Mustang into the sunset - they’re miserable, sure, but they’re also very good at pretending they’re not.

And you asked me to dance But I said, "dancing is a dangerous game" Oh, I thought, this is gonna be one of those things I've got some tricks up my sleeve Takes one to know one You're a cowboy like me Never wanted love, just a fancy car Now I'm waiting by the phone

Perched in the dark Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear Like it could be love I could be the way forward, only if they pay for it You're a bandit like me, eyes full of stars Hustling for the good life Never thought I'd meet you here It could be love We could be the way forward, and I know I'll pay for it

And the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to mess this up And the old men that I've swindled really did believe I was the one And the ladies lunching have their stories about when you passed through town But that was all before I locked it down Now you hang from my lips like the Gardens of Babylon With your boots beneath my bed Forever is the sweetest con

And I'm never gonna love again I'm never gonna love again

no body, no crime (Taylor Swift)

Sirius Black’s soulmate, James Potter, is dead. And Sirius knows who did it.

He just can’t prove it.

(I rewrote it for y'all. You're welcome.)

Cell Block Tango (from "Chicago")

The Dark Marauders. James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Lily, Severus, and Regulus - performing uselessly sensual dance routines in Azkaban because why the fuck not? Their Dark Lord is dead, and all they have left of him is their loyalty and a bout of snakes and skulls on their arms.

(Wrote this one too. Again, you're welcome.)

Broken Bones (KALEO)

Remus Lupin is a werewolf, and every full moon, this song runs through his mind as James and Sirius envelop his naked body in their arms and tell him he’s beautiful, and so so good, and they’ll love him forever and ever and ever, they promise. And for a single, measley second every time, Remus believes them.

Hoping things might go my way Some might say I talk loud, see if I care Unlike them, don't walk away from my fear I've busted bones, broken stones, looked the devil in the eye I hope he's going to break these chains

Another hard day, no water, no rest I saw my chance, so I got him at last I took his six shooter, put two in his chest He'll never say a word no more The devil got him good for sure

Ain't got no place to call a home Only chains and broken bones Ain't got no place to call a home So come on lord, won't you take me now? So come on lord, what you waiting for?

Oh, the devil's going to make me a free man The devil's going to set me free The devil's going to make me a free man The devil's going to set me free...

traitor (Olivia Rodrigo)

Sirius is innocent. Remus believes that. Remus knows that. He knows it. Because he doesn’t know how he’ll live if he’s wrong. Well, okay, he knows -

He won’t.

Brown guilty eyes and little white lies Yeah, I played dumb but I always knew That you'd talk to her, maybe did even worse I kept quiet so I could keep you

And ain't it funny how you ran And ain't it funny how you said you were friends? Now it sure as hell don't look like it

Ain't it funny all the twisted games All the questions you used to avoid?

Ain't it funny? Remember I brought her up, and you told me I was paranoid

You betrayed me And I know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt Loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter

God, I wish that you had thought this through Before I went and fell in love with you When she's sleeping in the bed we made Don't you dare forget about the way you betrayed me

Never Not (Lauv)

The Marauders, slowly breaking apart over the years. James and Lily settle in London, and Sirius and Remus run off to travel the world. They split off somewhere in Asia and forget to call. Peter cleans dishes in Hogwarts’ kitchens and Severus spends his time in those dungeons, teaching potions and writing letters he never sends. Regulus holes up in Grimmauld Place, never marrying, never moving. James and Lily divorce when Harry is ten, and go their separate ways. They always move forward, but -

They also always look back.

I lost myself, seventeen Then you came, found me There's a room in my heart with the memories we made Took them down but they're still in their frames There's no way I could ever forget

For as long as I live, and as long as I love I will never not think about you From the moment I loved I knew you were the one And no matter whatever I do I will never not think about you

What we had only comes once in a lifetime For the rest of mine, I'll always compare To the room in my heart with the memories we made Nights on fifth, in between B and A

Didn't we have fun? Didn't we have fun, looking back?

We were so beautiful We were so tragic No other magic could ever compare...

Scared To Live (The Weeknd)

Sirius and Remus after twelve years apart, having no idea what to do with each other. They were in love once - are in love? - but those days are long gone. Sirius sees how Remus looks at Tonks, but knows Remus can’t ever really love her, much as he likes her, because his heart has forgotten every word but Sirius' name. And Sirius is happier than he thought he’d ever get to be without James, really, though he’s far from happy or even content - is this all there is? Is this how they die? Is this their ending?

No. No. No, after everything, this can’t be it - this cannot be it.

(But if he dies, well... he hopes Remus lives on without him. Happier.

I guess.)

When I saw the signs, I should've let you go But I kept you beside me And if I held you back, at least I held you close Should have known you were lonely

I know things will never be the same Time we lost will never be replaced I'm the reason you forgot to love So don't be scared to live again Be scared to live again No, don't be scared to live again

You always miss the chance to fall for someone else Cause your heart only knows me They try to win your love, but there was nothing left They just made you feel lonely

I am not the man I used to be Did some things I couldn't let you see Refused to be the one who taints your heart

I hope you know that I've been praying that you find yourself We fell apart, right from the start I should have made you my only

So don't be scared to live again I said, "don't be scared to live again"

I Know Where I've Been (from "Hairspray! Live")

Remus and Sirius, sad and happy together, alone in Grimmauld Place and dancing deep into the night as this song plays on the record player and they sway. Their whole lives have been war, but in these moments, there is peace.

Fleeting, hopeless peace, but peace nonetheless.

There's a light in the darkness Though the night is black There's a light burning bright Showing me the way But I know where I've been

There's a cry in the distance It's a voice that comes from deep within There's a cry asking why I pray the answer's up ahead Cause I know where I've been

There's a road we've been travelling Lost so many on the way But the riches will be plenty Worth the price we had to pay

There's a dream in the future There's a struggle we have yet to win And there's pride in my heart Cause I know where I'm going And I know where I've been

Brooklyn Baby (Lana Del Rey)

Sirius Black being himself, and James Potter and Remus Lupin being in love with him.

They say I'm too young to love you I don't know what I need They think I don't understand The freedom land of the seventies

I think I'm too cool to know ya You say I'm like the ice, I freeze I'm churning out novels like Beat poetry on Amphetamines

Well, my boyfriend's in a band He plays guitar while I sing Lou Reed I've got feathers in my hair I get down to beat poetry And my jazz collection's rare I can play most anything I'm a Brooklyn baby

They say I'm too young to love you They say I'm too dumb to see They judge me like a picture book By the colors, like they forgot to read I think we're like fire and water I think we're like the wind and sea You're burning up, I'm cooling down You're up, I'm down You're blind, I see

But I'm free I'm free

I'm talking about my generation Talking about that newer nation And if you don't like it, you can beat it Beat it, baby You never liked the way I said it If you don't get it, then forget it Cause I don't have to fucking explain

Yeah, my boyfriend's pretty cool But he's not as cool as me Cause I'm a Brooklyn baby I'm a Brooklyn baby

I Can't Go On Without You (KALEO)

Sirius and Remus are lost to each other, for twelve years and then two more, Sirius locked behind bars and then a Veil and Remus on the run alone and then with a woman he’s somehow fooled himself into thinking he loves.

They’ll be together again. One day. But for now, there’s nothing to do but wait.

Alone.

Well, they thought they were made for each other Only thinking of one another Never thinking just for one second She would take a different attraction

We don't want that We don't want that, oh no I can't go on without you

Oh, so what's the point of breaking my sweet heart? She wanted me to let down my guard Well, you know what they say It's better that way So, you better hush and walk away

Well, was I supposed to wait for you sweetheart? And hide away the shame, yes I keep it all inside Though the thought had crossed my mind! To do all the things I'll regret, we don't want that

I can't, I can't, I can't go on without you I can't go on without you, oh, lord I can't go on without you, babe

Oh, she loves me She loves me not She loves me My love don't love me...

Oh, so what is left but a broken man? Cause nothing hurts like a woman can I can't go on without you...

happier (Olivia Rodrigo)

Sirius as he watches Remus fall in love with Tonks right in front of him, unable to love Sirius the same way after everything. Sirius loves his cousin - he does. He just kind of hates her, too.

There’s been a lot of things in this life he’s been afraid of, but Remus leaving him never even crossed his mind.

That was his mistake, I guess…

Fuck.

You've moved on, found someone new One more girl who brings out the better in you And I thought my heart was attached For all the sunlight of our past But she's so sweet, she's so pretty Does she mean you forgot about me?

And do you tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen? An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean Remember when I believed you meant it when you said it first to me? And now I'm picking her apart Like cutting her down make you miss my wretched heart But she's beautiful, she looks kind, she probably gives you butterflies

Say you love her, baby, just not like you loved me And think of me fondly when your hands are on her

I hope you're happy, just not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier.

That's The Kind Of Woman (Julia Michaels)

James left Sirius for Lily, and that was okay. Sirius loved Lily, and he loved James, so it was okay. At least he still had Remus.

Well, he did. Until Tonks came along.

It’s okay. Really. Sirius has gone his whole life feeling unloved.

He can die that way too.

OR

James, Sirius, and Remus fell in love in fourth year, and it was wonderful. And then Sirius started to notice things - small things, little things. Like the gentle way James and Remus are with each other, the way they wake each other up with kisses in the morning and dance the night before the full moon, the way their hands fit together the way everyone expected Sirius’ to fit with them, but better.

The way they love each other more than him.

And that’s okay. That’s fine. He wants them to be happy, and they make each other happy. So he lets them go the last day of seventh year, and disappears into the wind never to be seen again, just like their love for him.

Childhood picket fence, smells like confidence Raised with a little more common sense Isn't always on defense Sits up straight and knows how to take a compliment Jealous but the right amount Isn't scared of missing out, missing out's scared of missing her Doesn't buy things to fill voids Doesn't hate the sound of her own voice

Doesn't cry when someone leaves Isn't contradictory Mind takes a break when she falls asleep Always takes her own advice Crosses T's and cuts her ties Figured out sympathize from empathize Doesn't keep those letters in a drawer Doesn't keep a closet full of things she bought and never wore Gives all her attention to the people that are with her She still loves to dance She still loves her sister

If the me I am Walked out that door Would I miss her?

Maybe, a little bit, sure Oh, I love myself, but I'd love her more Yeah, that's the kind of woman I'd leave me for

Quarter Past Midnight (Bastille)

The Marauders steal a Muggle’s pick-up truck and fly down the highway, literally. The lights are bright and the music is loud, and they’re screaming with laughter, dancing and kissing under the stars. It’s that one perfect moment, the one poets write about seeking their whole lives. This is that moment, this is their moment.

They’ll never be this happy again.

It's a quarter past midnight as we cut through the city The streets are getting restless Good times, bad decisions And the sirens are mending some hearts But we're the losers on our back seats Singing love will tear us apart

It's a quarter past midnight, still avoiding tomorrow It's a quarter past midnight, but we're just getting going We keep on running through a red light Like we're trying to burn the night away This is my favorite part Help me piece it all together, darling Before it falls apart

And the speakers are blowing We want the bodies on the billboards Not the lives underneath them And now we're crawling up the walls again And it's a quarter past twelve And you said we'd leave this place in dust And fall from heaven straight through hell We never know what we have We never knew what we had

We keep on running Why are we always chasing after something Like we're trying to throw our lives away?

And the secrets are flowing Our lips are getting looser I don't know what I'm saying We never knew what we had I never know what I've had

Home (Edith Whiskers)

The Marauders remember each other in a haze - well. The ones that are still alive do, that is.

Regulus, falling.

James, fighting.

Lily, screaming.

Sirius, smiling.

Peter, choking.

Remus, crying.

Severus, bleeding.

They all went, and not one peacefully.

If I close my eyes, I can still see them. Laughing.

I do love my ma and pa Not the way that I do love you Well, holy moly, me oh my, you're the apple of my eye Girl, I've never loved one like you Man, oh, man, you're my best friend, I scream it to the nothingness There ain't nothing that I need Well, hot and heavy pumpkin pie, chocolate candy, Jesus Christ Ain't nothing please me more than you

I'll follow you into the park, through the jungle, through the dark Moats and boats and waterfalls, alleyways and pay phone calls I've been everywhere with you We laugh until we think we'll die, barefoot on a summer night Nothing new is sweeter than with you And in the streets, we run afree, like it's only you and me Geez, you're something to see

Oh, home, let me come home Home is whenever I'm with you Oh, home, let me come home Home is wherever I'm with you

I Hate That You're Happy (Tiny Little Houses)

Severus is alone, alone again. Lily’s gone. She’s run off to marry James Potter, the prat, and Severus - Severus doesn’t hope for much in this life, but he holds out hope for her. Because everyone knows she loves James now, but she loved Severus once too… and she still keeps his green ribbon tied around her ring finger, almost like they’re still married in mind.

So Severus keeps his vows to her. He promised her forever - it’s okay, honestly. That forever can be spent apart. He’ll love her anyway.

He'll love her always.

I'm sorry if I ever hurt you And I never kissed you enough And I just have trouble unravelling sometimes The feelings that I kept locked up

And I know it's my own misfortune And I didn't hold tight enough But I found it hard to keep myself whole While drowning in my bitter blood

I'll stay awake again and start feeling The spot where you used to reside And I'll lay beneath these cold empty sheets Huddled and clutching my sides

And I know it's my own misfortune And darling, believe me, I do And you've got your problems, and hell I've got mine But I find it hard that we're through

And I hate when you're with him And I hate when you smile And I hate that for once you don't seem like you've cried And I hate that you've kissed him And I hate that I'm sore But most of all I hate that you're happier than before

And I hate when you're with him And at night you're entwined And I hate that I have to pretend that I'm fine And I hate that I miss you but you miss him more But most of all I hate that you're happier than before Most of all I hate that you're happier than before

Call Your Girlfriend (Clara Mae)

James knows Lily isn’t happy with him. It’s been months, she’s had plenty of time to come around, but she just - she doesn’t love him. She never has. He should’ve seen that, but he was too busy hating the greasy-haired git to realize that Lily has always loved him more than anything else.

Gently, he lets her go. He presses the green ribbon he found in her drawer around her hand, and he kisses her goodbye, and he tells her to go after her happiness, whoever that is. And she smiles at him, the tears in her eyes happy, and she runs away, crashing into Severus’ arms. And they look… they look so perfect together. Like they make so much sense.

It’s okay. James can take it.

Regulus is staring at him. James winks at him, and smiles.

Call your girlfriend It's time you had the talk Give your reasons Say it's not her fault Tell her not to get upset Second guessing everything you've said and done

And when she get upset Tell her that you never meant to hurt no one You just tell her that the only way her heart will mend Is when she learns to love again And it won't make sense right now But you're still her friend

Cloud 9 (Beach Bunny)

James, Sirius, and Remus. It’s an unconventional love story, but not one they feel the need to explain.

They can and will dance together forever, butterbeers in their hands and magic in their eyes, hearts colliding in a messy, three-way kiss.

I don't wanna seem the way I do But I'm confident when I'm with you Lately all I feel is bad and bruised Tired of tripping on my shoes

When I start to tumble from the sky You remind me how to fly Lately, I've been feeling unalive But you bring me back to life

But when he loves me, I feel like I'm floating When he calls me pretty, I feel like somebody Even when we fade eventually to nothing You will always be my favorite form of loving

the last great american dynasty (Taylor Swift)

The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, and its last heir, Sirius Potter Lupin.

Fuck those assholes. He’ll be as mad as he likes.

Was the heir to the name, and money And the town said "how did a middle class divorcée do it?" The wedding was charming, if a little gauche There's only so far new money goes They picked out a home and called it Holiday House Their parties were tasteful, if a little loud The doctor had told him to settle down It must have been her fault his heart gave out

And they said, "there goes the last great american dynasty" Who knows, if she never showed up what could've been There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen She had a marvelous time ruining everything

Rebekah gave up on the Rhode Island set forever Flew in all the Bitch Pack friends from the city Filled the pool with champagne and swam with the big names And blew through the money on the boys and the ballet And losing on card game bets with Dalí

There goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen She had a marvelous time ruining everything

They say she was seen on occasion Pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea And in a feud with her neighbor She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green Fifty years is a long time Holiday House sat quietly on that beach Free of women with madness Their men and bad habits, and then it was bought by me

Who knows, if I never showed up what could've been There goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen I had a marvelous time ruining everything

I Don't Believe You (P!nk)

Regulus, alone after Sirius runs away. All alone in a giant house, all alone with his wretched mother and her Death Eater friends, all alone without the only person he’s ever loved.

Sirius never comes back, but Regulus waits at the door for him every day anyway.

(Sirius writes Regulus a million letters. He wonders why he never answers. Not even with a cursive fuck you. Maybe he should go back… maybe - no.

No, best not.

It’s not like Regulus misses him.)

I don't mind it, I don't mind at all It's like you're the swing set and I'm the kid that falls It's like the way we fight, the times I've cried We come too close, and every night The passion's there, so it's gotta be right Right?

I don't mind it, I still don't mind at all It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up It looks like you've given up, you've had enough But I want more, no, I won't stop Because I just know you'll come around Right?

Just don't stand there and watch me fall Cause I still don't mind at all

No I don't believe you When you say, "don't come around here no more" I won't remind you You said we wouldn't be apart No I don't believe you When you say you don't need me anymore So don't pretend to not love me at all

Cause I don't believe you.

Little Miss Perfect (Annapantsu cover)

Regulus Black, the perfect child.

He and his brother are nothing alike. Sirius is rebellious, Regulus is obedient. Sirius is brash, Regulus is controlled. Sirius is bravery, Regulus is misery. They have nothing in common.

Well -

Except their hearts, bothing beating for a boy named James Potter with twinkling eyes. A boy only one of them will get to kiss.

Regulus is happy to be the one who’s lost out. At least, that’s what he tells himself as he stares up at the white light, the surface too far above to reach.

Straight hair, straight A's, straightforward Straight path, I don't cut corners I make a point to be on time Head of the student council I don't black out at parties I jam to Paul McCartney If you ask me how I'm doing I'll say...

Well, hmm Often I ask myself, "what did I do?" To get as far as I've gotten A pretty girl walks by my locker My heart gives a flutter But I don't dare utter a word Cause that would be absurd behavior For little miss perfect

No, I can't risk falling off my throne Love is something I don't even know Straight hair, straight A's, straightforward Straight girl Little miss perfect That's me You don't even know Rewind, induce amnesia Deny the truth, that's easier You're just confused, believe her When she says there's nothing there It's never worth it When you're little miss perfect

Achilles Come Down (Gang Of Youths)

Sirius, running from his family and his predetermined madness, his wildness carrying him so far he makes a circle.

Remus, hiding from love and freedom, his happiness stitched from his skin in ugly, painful scars.

James, watching his best friends tear each other apart, too blind with love to see the monsters they’ve made of each other.

Children, come down.

Achilles, Achilles, Achilles come down Won't you get up off, get up off the roof? You're scaring us and all of us, some of us love you Achilles, it's not much but there's proof You crazy assed cosmonaut, remember your virtue Redemption lies plainly in truth Just humour us, Achilles Achilles, come down Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken Remember the pact of our youth? Where you go, I'm going So jump and I'm jumping Since there is no me without you Soldier on, Achilles Achilles, come down Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

Hurt and grieve, but don't suffer alone Engage with the pain as a motive Today of all days, see How the most dangerous thing is to love How you will heal and you'll rise above

Achilles, jump now You are absent of cause or excuse So self-indulgent and self-referential No audience could ever want you You crave the applause, yet hate the attention Then miss it, your act is a ruse It is empty, Achilles, so end it all now It's a pointless resistance for you

Achilles, just put down the bottle Don't listen to what you've consumed It's chaos, confusion, and wholly unworthy Of feeding and it's wholly untrue You may feel no purpose nor a point for existing It's all just conjecture and gloom And there may not be meaning, so find one and seize it Do not waste your self on this roof

Feel your breath course frankly below And see life as a worthy opponent Crowned by an overture bold and beyond Ah, it's more courageous to overcome You want the acclaim, it's not worth it, Achilles More poignant than fame or the taste of another

Don't listen, Achilles, but be real and just jump You dense motherfucker (you're worth more, Achilles) You will not be more than a rat in the gutter (so much more than a rat)

You want my opinion (no one asked your opinion) My opinion you've got You asked for my counsel (no one asked for your thoughts)

I gave you my thoughts Be done with this now, and jump off the roof Can you hear me Achilles? I'm talking to you

Throw yourself into the unknown with pace and a fury defiant Clothe yourself in beauty untold and see life as a means to a triumph

Achilles, come down.

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things (Taylor Swift)

Remus gets super drunk after the Prank and gives a fucking performance on top of the coffee table in front of the entirety of Gryffindor. Sirius is bright red. James is on the verge of tears. Severus is gaping. And Remus is seething.

You woke the wolf. Now watch it bite.

And there are no rules when you show up here Bass beat rattling the chandelier Feeling so Gatsby for that whole year So why'd you have to rain on my parade? I'm shaking my head, I'm locking the gates

It was so nice being friends again There I was giving you a second chance But you stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand And therein lies the issue, friends don't try to trick you And so I took an axe to a mended fence But I'm not the only friend you've lost lately If only you weren't so shady

Here's a toast to my real friends They don't care about the HE SAID, SHE SAID And here's to my baby He ain't reading what they call me lately And here's to my mama Had to listen to all this drama And here's to you... Cause forgiveness is a nice thing to do

Hahaha, I can't even say it with a straight face!

This is why we can't have nice things, darling Because you break them, I had to take them away This is why we can't have nice things, honey Did you think I wouldn't hear all the things you said about me? This is why we can't have nice things

right where you left me (Taylor Swift)

Remus is pretty sure he died on October 31, 1981. He’s not sure why his body’s still moving.

Friends break up, friends get married Strangers get born, strangers get buried Trends change, rumors fly through new skies But I'm right where you left me Matches burn after the other Pages turn and stick to each other Wages earned and lessons learned But I'm right where you left me

Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "what a sad sight" I swear you could hear a hair pin drop Right when I felt the moment stop Glass shattered on the white cloth Everybody moved on I stayed there Dust collecting on my pinned-up hair They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared

Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it She's still 23 inside her fantasy How it was supposed to be Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion? Break-ups happen every day, you don't have to lose it She's still 23 inside her fantasy And you're sitting in front of me

At the restaurant, when I was still the one you want Cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right

I'm sure that you got a wife out there Kids and Christmas, but I'm unaware Cause I'm right where I cause no harm, mind my business If our love died young, I can't bear witness And it's been so long But if you ever think you got it wrong

I'm right where you left me You left me no choice but to stay here forever...

Every Day a Little Death (from “The Count of Monte Cristo”)

Remus Lupin, waiting.

Waiting, waiting, waiting…

For what, he’s not sure. Maybe death. Maybe madness.

Right now all he’s got is lonely.

Lonely, lonely, lonely; la, la, la…

Come out, come out, wherever you are, Peter. Come out and kill me, you coward.

Another day, another week Another month, another year Another day, another night Until it’s day again The sun has fled, I go to bed And scratch a line on the wall Another day, where nothing changes at all

And everyday shuffles by like the day before! On its way to the blackest of skies And everyday a little death comes and paces the floor! And a little bit more of me dies... Another day, another week Another month, another year Another night I spend alone Until it’s day again Our little star has moved away And all the world is a blur I only see I am not me Without her

Everyday a little death for everyday I die Everyday a little death and still I know not why...

He will come back! Perhaps but still… He will return to me! Another prayer You’ve got to live for today I will live when we’re together again Everyday I will pray until then

And everyday another prayer will bring him close to me And every night out little star we will share The one day when I open my eyes He will be standing right over there, one day

There’s something I must say I wanted to protect you

I wish there was a way I could make it untrue I heard the news today I fear the worst has happened An accident occurred He is dead! Dead and gone Rest in peace may flights of angels sing him to his rest Let me hold and help to heal you!

Everyday a little death...

tolerate it (Taylor Swift)

Remus Lupin. Abandoned, alone, aimless. Unwanted, unseen, unloved. Mad, morbid, monster.

He wonders if in the next life, he’ll be dealt some better cards.

Best not hope. Best not be greedy. He could be dead -

Isn’t sadness better?

I sit and watch you reading with your head low I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes closed I sit and watch you I notice everything you do or don't do You're so much older and wiser and I

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid Use my best colors for your portrait Lay the table with the fancy shit And watch you tolerate it

I greet you with a battle hero's welcome I take your indiscretions all in good fun I sit and listen I polish plates until they gleam and glisten You're so much older and wiser and I While you were out building other worlds, where was I? Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire? I made you my temple, my mural, my sky Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life Drawing hearts in the byline Always taking up too much space or time You assume I'm fine But what would you do if I

Break free and leave us in ruins Took this dagger in me and removed it Gain the weight of you then lose it Believe me, I could do it! If it's all in my head tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it

Téir Abhaile Riu (Celtic Woman)

Sirius being Sirius and Remus and James trying to reign him in. I don’t know. Just vibes, I guess - three soft little gays living out a domestic half-insane life on a little farm in Wales, not a mile from the ashen sea.

Stay here and never you mind The lights of the town are blinding you The sailors they come and they go But listen to what's reminding you Handsome men surrounding you Dancing a reel around you

Listen to the music flow I'm falling for the flow of home I'm home to dance till dawning

Stay awhile and we'll dance together now As the light is falling We'll reel away till the break of day And dance together till morning

No One Knows Us (BANNERS, Carly Paige)

James, Sirius, and Remus are queerplatonic partners. Well, James is theirs - Sirius and Remus are dating. In love. But they and James, they’re not. Not that it matters - every assumes, from their atypical affection, that they are.

James wishes he could be with them, sometimes. The way he wants. Like it’s normal. Without all the prying eyes.

He wonders if he stole a pirate ship and sailed them somewhere else, if it would be any different. Any easier.

Loving the right people shouldn’t be a burden.

Wish I could kiss you when I wanna Without all the fear and all the drama Kill to hold your hand in public I could try to fight the feeling Dull it down like sleeping without dreaming

I wanna push you up against the wall Want them all to hear me call you baby I know it's never gonna happen And I've learned to accept that I accept that

I need you closer Can we go somewhere? No one knows us Leave our world behind We can hole up in a motel room Where no one knows us

See You Again (Carrie Underwood)

The Marauders as they die, one by one. James too early, Sirius too soon, Remus too late. Reunited wherever wizards go when they die, after a long, hard road of what felt like a whole lot of goddamn nothing.

But here they are, at last: alone no longer.

Said goodbye, turned around And you were gone, gone, gone Faded into the setting sun, slipped away But I won't cry cause I know I'll never be lonely For you are the stars to me You are the light I follow

I can hear those echoes in the wind at night Calling me back in time, back to you In a place far away where the water meets the sky The thought of it makes me smile You are my tomorrow

Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know...

I will see you again This is not where it ends I will carry you with me Til I see you again I will see you again...

Bloom (The Paper Kites)

James and Sirius and Remus, loving each other. And not knowing what queerplatonic partners are until Severus and Lily shove a Muggle book into their hands with sweet, manic grins.

“Oh,” James says, with wonder. Sirius kisses him. Remus takes his hand. James looks at them, his eyes wide and twinkling. “Oh, that’s us.”

In the morning when I wake And the sun is coming through Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness, And you fill my head with you

Shall I write it in a letter? Shall I try to get it down? Oh, you fill my head with pieces Of a song I can't get out

Can I take it to a morning Where the fields are painted gold And the trees are filled with memories Of the feelings never told?

When the evening pulls the sun down, And the day is almost through, Oh, the whole world it is sleeping, But my world is you

Can I be close to you?

Me and My Husband (Mitski)

Sirius and James. Fight me.

(Oh, and Remus - hopelessly in love with them and chasing after their shenanigans as the world stretches out before them, endless.)

I steal a few breaths from the world for a minute And then I'll be nothing forever And all of my memories And all of the things I have seen will be gone With my eyes, with my body, with me

But me and my husband, we're doing better It's always been just him and me together So I bet all I have on that furrowed brow

And I'm the idiot with the painted face In the corner, taking up space But when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved And at least in this lifetime, we're sticking together Me and my husband, we're sticking together

You & Jennifer (bülow)

Regulus, angry and bitter, left alone in his big black bed wondering what’s so fucking amazing about Lily Evans that could make James want her more than him.

OR

Remus, so fucking in love with his two best friends… his two best friends, who are so fucking in love with each other, who look at each other like they’re the world, who fuck Remus when the world is ending. His two best friends… assholes.

Listen, no, we don't need to be enemies Ain't got a vision of us in the future with a white picket fence and eternal decisions Now I'm sitting here wondering, when did this all start?

Would rather be the girl that got away than be under your thumb Don't need to spend no more time on you, not like I was in love Not that I'm having a nervous breakdown, I'm just let down You don't know what that's like though to wait up all night So I thank you for teaching me how I could live without you Never needed me, I don't need you

Fuck you and Jennifer, I know that you're out with her Go pretend that you're just friends I'll pretend that I'm not hurt I know all the shit I heard, you can take these bitter words Fuck you and Jennifer Go fucking make love to her

Soon You’ll Get Better (Taylor Swift, The Chicks)

James, surrounded by people he can’t fix.

James, holding a screaming Sirius against his chest as he sobs and shakes from the fifth nightmare that week.

James, brushing salve across the scars of a terrified and bruised Remus after yet another full moon.

James, trying to lure a quiet and cold Peter back to them with candy as he recedes even further away into Slytherin robes.

James, fucking Lily; James, kissing Severus; James, touching Regulus -

James, doomed to love people he can’t help.

The buttons of my coat were tangled in my hair I didn't tell you I was scared That was the first time we were there Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you Desperate people find faith, so now I pray too And I say to you

I know delusion when I see it in the mirror You like the nicer nurses, you make the best of a bad deal I just pretend it isn't real I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky I know I'll never get it, there's not a day that I won't try And I'll say to you

And I hate to make this all about me But who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there's no you? This won't go back to normal, if it ever was It's been years of hoping, and I keep saying it because cause I have to

Soon you'll get better Soon you'll get better You'll get better soon Cause you have to.

Dance Alone (Blanks)

James Potter being his usual idiotic adorable self. (It’s just the vibes, man.)

Been staring at the wall today, to find some hidden meaning My momma called to ask me how I'm feeling I've been running out of things to think So what's the point of dreaming? Called all my friends cause I cant get along with all my demons And I've been watching from a distance how the seasons change

Been staring at the wall today, still looking for some meaning I tried talking to myself for a change to ask me how I'm feeling I've been running out of room to think I need a higher ceiling

I've been lost, lost in the rhythm lately I don't know, know how to dance alone

Strawberry Blond (Mitski)

James falls in love with Sirius first - make no mistake, it was absolutely Sirius first. Because Sirius was just so bright, and so lovely, and so daring, and he made James laugh as they ran and drove and flew for miles without a direction. Anything for a touch.

And then there came Remus - beautiful, sweet, kind Remus, his eyes so gentle and his smiles so pure, and James wanted to hold him forever, wanted to take his hand and dive right into the sun, wanted to burst into flames. Anything for a taste.

And then Sirius and Remus fell in love with each other, and now James watches them from the outside, grinning behind tears and thinking, Oh god. I’m happy.

I love everybody because I love you When you stood up, walked away, barefoot And the grass where you lay left a bed in your shape I looked over it and I ached

I love everybody because I love you I don't need the city, and I don't need proof All I need, darling, is a life in your shape I picture it soft and I ache

Reach out the car window, trying to hold the wind You tell me you love her, I give you a grin Oh, all I ever wanted was a life in your shape So I follow the white lines, keep my eyes on the road as I ache

Look at you, strawberry blond Fields rolling on, I love it when you call my name Can you hear the bumblebees swarm? Watching your arm, I love it when you look my way

FML (Arizona Zervas)

James has a habit of falling for people so fierce he can never refuse them. Regulus is just the last one - the one he keeps, even if he dies still trying to figure out how.

(This is the James and Regulus theme song, I’m calling it.)

I might let you drive me crazy Usually I ain't the type to stay Cause you could fall in, and go psycho Ain't no telling where this might go But I take my chances either way

You look like somebody that could really hold it down You look like somebody that would always stick around I know you probably crazy All my friends said stay away but that shit just don't faze me Got a little bit of sass, I like that You don't take no shit, yeah you fight back Never let a dude hit it on the first night I can't even sleep over til I wife that All these bitches in my phone, hit the boy But I've been curving everyone for you Girl I would give you every single password All you gotta do is let me through

Imma keep it honest, I know that you got a plan I know you ain't perfect, but basic bitches never last I don't usually do this type of shit So baby trust me when I tell you that I'm all about it Yeah, I might fall in love and let you fuck my life up Just so I could go and write a song about it

Last man left you brokenhearted, let me treat you right If you need me I could pull up any night You just say the words, girl, I don't need a reason Give me something more than just a lover on the weekend

Come and fuck my life up.

Lay Me Down (Sam Smith)

If James married Regulus instead, but the war still tore them apart and to shreds.

They still fall, they still die, they still lose… but James is captivated by grey eyes rather than green ones, at least in this lifetime. At least for now.

Yes, I do, I believe that one day I will be where I was Right there, right next to you And it's hard, the days just seem so dark The moon, and the stars are nothing without you Your touch, your skin, where do I begin? No words can explain the way I'm missing you Deny this emptiness, this hole that I'm inside These tears, they tell their own story Told me not to cry when you were gone But the feeling's overwhelming, it's much too strong

Can I lay by your side, next to you? You And make sure you're alright I'll take care of you I don't want to be here if I can't be with you

Forever (... is a long time) (Halsey)

Remus didn’t know anyone could love him, the way he is. You can’t blame him for letting James and Sirius slip through his fingers when he didn’t know they would’ve stayed forever.

He wonders if happiness still sounds like his name on their lips.

I spent a long time watering a plant made out of plastic And I cursed the ground for growing green

I spent a long time substituting honest with sarcastic And I cursed my tongue for being mean

Weightless, breathless, destitute Motionless and absolute He cut me open, sucked the poison from an aging wound Now fifty thousand walking deads would cower at this small brunette It's a nice surprise knowing six feet high Would reach and grab the moon if I should ask

Or just imply that I want you to be more light So I could look inside his eyes And get the colors just right

But love built provinces, callouses, break promises Cause I could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it What am I thinking? What does this mean? How could somebody ever love me?

"Tell him he's got bad news coming..."

Used To This (Camila Cabello)

James and Sirius, crazy kids in mad love in a big Muggle city, dancing and kissing under the lights every night… and then meeting Remus, and wondering if all these years they’ve been mistaking magic for something else, because this, love, this is what magic is.

No, I never liked San Francisco Never thought it was nothing special Til you kissed me there No, I never liked windy cities But I think maybe when you're with me I like everywhere

It's the strangest feeling Midnight, I'm not leaving No, for once, I think I'll stay I say your name, just listen Doesn't it sound different? Never whispered it this way

It's gonna take me a minute But I could get used to this The feeling of your fingertips The feeling of another kiss Like every tattoo on your skin I'm memorizing every inch

The callouses on your fingers I admired them from a distance Now they're on my cheek

Oh, I've known you forever Now I know you better Let's just get carried away And it bears repeating Now my heart's bleeding When you tell me that you'll stay

It's gonna take me a minute But I could get used to this I could get used to this...

Love Me Like You (Little Mix)

You cannot tell me James and Sirius did not stand on top of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall and serenade Remus with this while he covered his bright red face with his hands and damn near cried with embarrassment and laughter, because they did. I promise you, they did.

I solemnly swear.

Darling, he can't buy my love It's you I'm dreaming of

so baby, baby Come and save me

Last night I lay in bed so blue Cause I realized the truth They can't love me like you I've tried to find somebody new Baby, they ain't got a clue Can't love me like you

Come Home With Me (from “Hadestown”)

Sirius and James tripping over themselves trying to say hi the first time they meet Remus, his nose buried in a book in a small cafe, at a table by the window in a dress covered in sunflowers, his cheeks pink and his smile blinding.

OR

James, tripping over himself to win Severus over, who just isn’t having it. (Fuck off, Potter.) (Please?) (No.)

You wanna talk to her?

Yes!

Go on. Don't come on too strong.

Come home with me.

Who are you?

The man who's gonna marry you

Is he always like this?

Yes

Your name is like a melody

A singer, is that what you are?

I also play the lyre...

Oh, a liar, AND a player too! I've met too many men like you.

Oh, no. I'm not like that.

He's not like any man you've met.

That's what I'm working on - A song to fix what's wrong. Take what's broken, make it whole; A song so beautiful, it brings the world back into tune, back into time. And all the flowers will bloom... When you become my wife.

Oh, he's crazy. Why would I become his wife?

Maybe because he'll make you feel alive.

Alive? That's worth a lot... What else ya got?

You Belong With Me (Taylor Swift)

Sirius and James, unable to figure out why they're so bothered by the amount of people who have suddenly started flirting with Remus after the summer of fifth year.

He's just... he's theirs. Their werewolf. Their scrawny motherfucker. Their Moony.

Just.

Theirs.

Oh.

She doesn't get your humor like I do She'll never know your story like I do

Walk in the streets with you in your worn-out jeans I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be And you've got a smile that can light up this whole town I haven't seen it in a while You say you're fine, I know you better than that

Standing by and waiting at your backdoor Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry And I know your favorite songs, and you tell me about your dreams Think I know where you belong, think I know it's with me...

Have you ever thought, just maybe, you belong with me? You belong with me.

Scrawny (Wallows)

I just really love Remus Lupin, okay?

Used to be level with all my friends Still wear the same shoes I did back then I don't think they've ever been untied I can't regret the things I don't try I'd switch it up but I don't like change Only content if things stay the same Don't care to watch the story unfold Hate feeling like I'm not in control I've been sleeping with the light on I tend to freak myself out Will you come a little closer?

I say the wrong shit at the right times If I'm offending them, I don't mind Maybe they all should listen to me It isn't all about what you see Question though, how do I look to you? Am I so thin that you can see through? I've been sleeping with the light off I wanted to remember Will you come a little closer now?

I'll be one of those people you remember They'll be looking at us when were together I'll be a mannequin you can dismember You don't like my clothes but you still like my smile Take me home to mom but it'll take awhile They might think they're cooler than me by a mile I can still have wisdom and look like a child

I'm a scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle

Hate You (Seann Bowe)

Severus and Lily after the Incident. Still loving each other, but not knowing why or how. Having a million things to say, but never the words.

I'm sorry. What a tragic fucking joke.

Look at me now, such a pitiful place You found someone I thought that'd help erase These crazy thoughts that we were never broken You can't see red flags through rose colored glasses!

I killed you in my head now If I see you out with friends I'll just tell myself that it's a phantom or illusion Guess I haven't chosen which

I hate that I miss you, I hate that I'm lost I hate those dead flowers you taped to your wall I hate that you're okay and I can't move on I hate that somehow this is all my fault! I hate that I'm wide awake watching the door I hate these long showers sitting on the floor I hate in the end it was me who was wrong I hate that I don't really hate you at all

But I kind of wish I did...

I don't really hate you at all.

Bitter And The Sweetness (The Ready Set)

James and Sirius and Remus, dancing in the rain. Sirius is screaming up at the sky, and James is pulling Remus against him, quelling his shivering in an instant.

“I love you,” he whispers, and Remus beams, throwing his arms around his neck and kissing him as Sirius screams, “ELECTRIFY ME MOTHERFUCKER!” at the clouds.

That’s love, bitch.

Troublemaker look on your face Followed by a smile and I melt away It ain't always been this lovely We turn the ice and start a fire, melt away

It don't happen overnight It's laughing after fights Knowing which song I should sing to make you smile again Your favorite flowers How I know before you say, "It's gonna be okay"

Love, I think we got time to make mistakes Bitter and the sweetness, I just love the taste

You give me trouble in the best way When you let your hair down I can't look away You've just always been that lovely We turn the dark into light You'll be staying close

Like the time we got stuck out in the rain When you took my hand said, "Baby, we should stay."

Serenade (BANNERS)

James Potter's ghost, watching over Sirius Black forevermore. You don't just leave your soulmate behind. Never.

Stolen, some people stay a life, some for a moment Some hearts they set a light just to be frozen And so we're out of time, broken But now you've got the chance to travel oceans I hope the world's as wide as you were hoping Don't let heartache cloud your mind

If the days go darker, darling And you lose your way Go on, go on, I'm not beside you But I'll be the song there in the silence Let go, let go, darling, it's over now You're on your own, but I'm on your shoulder I'll always be your serenade, serenade, I I'll always be your serenade

They told you It's not the being drunk, it's being sober That's when it really hits you that it's over It's hard to say goodbye So you can keep me Somewhere out of reach but if you need me Just hum these memories and you can feel me I'm always standing by Go and write your story, darling You will find your place

You can always remember that I'm here to ease your mind I'm on your side and You can call me and just like that I'll sing a song to bring you home, babe

It's Quiet Uptown (from "Hamilton")

Remus, alone. His husband gone, his friends dead, his family murdered. Nothing left for him, until...

"Padfoot."

A sheepish smile.

"Hi, Moony."

Remus takes a deep breath. Sirius reaches for his hand.

They'll figure it out.

There are moments that the words don't reach There is suffering too terrible to name You hold your child as tight as you can And push away the unimaginable The moments when you're in so deep It feels easier to just swim down And so they move uptown And learn to live with the unimaginable

I spend hours in the garden, I walk alone to the store And it's quiet uptown, I never liked the quiet before And I pray, that never used to happen before

If you see him in the street Walking by himself, talking to himself, have pity You would like it uptown, it's quiet uptown He is working through the unimaginable His hair has gone grey He passes every day They say he walks the length of the city You knock me out, I fall apart Can you imagine?

Look at where we are Look at where we started I know I don't deserve you But hear me out That would be enough If I could spare his life If I could trade his life for mine He'd be standing here right now And you would smile and that would be enough

I don't pretend to know The challenges we're facing I know there's no replacing what we've lost And you need time But I'm not afraid I know who I married Just let me stay here by your side That would be enough

There are moments that the words don't reach There's a grace too powerful to name We push away what we can never understand We push away the unimaginable They are standing in the garden Standing there side by side She takes his hand It's quiet uptown

Forgiveness, can you imagine? Forgiveness, can you imagine? If you see him in the street Walking by her side, talking by her side, have pity They are going through the unimaginable

Dynasty (MIIA)

The Marauders are dead and gone, did you know?

But they were great once. Unstoppable. Invincible, young, in love.

Can you tell? Can you...

Remember?

Some days, it's hard to see if I was a fool or you a thief Made it through the maze to find my one in a million And now you're just a page torn from the story I'm living The scar I can't reverse And the more it heals, the worse it hurts Gave you every piece of me, no wonder it's missing Don't know how to be so close to someone so distant

And all I gave you is gone Tumbled like it was stone It all fell down, it all fell down

Thought we built a dynasty that heaven couldn't shake Thought we built a dynasty like nothing ever made Thought we built a dynasty forever couldn't break up.

Dancing After Death (Matt Maeson)

Oh. It's you. You're here.

I never thought I'd see you again.

Do I know better than this? You're a word that I can't forget Though the thought rattles my brain Will you fold or will you remain?

If I don't get better than this man in my skin If I let go, would you hold on? Would we fly? Is it safer if we just say that we tried? Are we laughing at the danger?

As the sun waits to eclipse And the taste teases my lips I'm too tired to wrestle with it Will we burn, or will we repent?

Are we dancing after death, you and I?

[nicknellie]

By the time I finish/send this it’s going to be at the most random time so I say good night and technically good morning for whenever you read this!

I’m glad that you were able to finish your schoolwork, if it’s any consolation you still did hand them in, which is amazing! Also shame on them, they should’ve explained how all of this was going to work.

Same here! It’s so fun replying to these

Let’s do this

(Also if I were to make a tally of how many times I used exactly and agreed I would be in the hundreds by now 😂)

1. You are so brilliant, yes. Reggie just uses random stuff to hold his things especially considering that he has like 1000 scrapbooks so all the other stuff needs to go somewhere. (He also has used Luke’s and Bobby’s)

2. I didn’t think that Reggie actually has pictures of random baby, oh my goodness that is hilarious.

3. Exactly, and the reason why he doesn’t recognize the French dip is because he has no clue where it came from but it does belong to him

The non-box stuff

First two very random comments that totally did not come from me accidentally hitting some board games and seeing jam which led to inspiration for this

First point, Sunset Curve and then later Julie and the phantoms most definitely had board games. In this scenario I’m going to use Spin Master Hedbanz because, I have no clue when this game came out so I’m just gonna say it’s a game that the Molina’s play.

(Hedbanz is the fast-paced, easy to play question game of “What am I?” Ask “yes” or “no” questions, I think Amazon can be thanked for that description)

Anyways, so they play this and after not guess Luke flips a table. that’s this entire point that Luke is the one during game nights to flip tables (never play Monopoly with him)

The second point, the jams. First Reggie hates strawberry jam, loves raspberry jam and is indifferent to marmalade (I mention the last one although it’s not really a jam) however Alex loves marmalade and grape. Luke has no taste, but sometimes likes jelly, and Bobby like marmalade as well (honestly idk)

Now numbers,

2. Wait yes, I don’t know how else to describe it aside from that. (All of them feel guilty, and massive group hug and movie night after)

3. Luke as a frustrated puppy is his facial expression when Reggie accidentally scares Victoria and Luke sits down on the couch. Also yes, that is exactly the conversation they have (Yes Willie can also get through to him). Also it does work when Juli tries it however maybe not as much as when Alex and Willie talk to him.

4. Yes, basically Luke and Alex are two halves of a whole and can read each other very well.

5. Oh yea, Alex is always very sarcastic with the boys and is a tiny bit hesitant in front of Julie however after that interaction he acts more like how he normally is.

6. Yes and there’s no in-between (although it could be that he stayed there for a few days and hasn’t been back since). Aww, that’s so sad and exact what happens, however he doesn’t have someone who gives him a flower, unlike Julie, so he just sits there crying.

8. Yes! I like that theory as well, also for some reason Luke was always very good at solving Rubiks cubes however Bobby never was.

10. So I randomly saw this meme one day and you mentioning the spinning tea cups reminds me of it (I have no clue who made this sadly)

(Just change Luke to be sitting with Julie then) Also yes Luke doesn’t like things that spin, honestly I love the fact that I went off on a board game tangent and you went off on a theme park tangent.

Yes, every single ride Alex goes on, also yes for bobby. I love the little addition you made that they save it for the end of the day, adding on there’s like one ride that Bobby won’t go on (maybe the tea cups) and he always rides the logflume ride during that time)

Oh yes, anytime they go to a waterpark or go on a roller coaster or basically anything Reggie will take a picture of it, (also there’s quite a few of the boys going on roller coasters that Reggie doesn’t want to ride)

Luke goes on a ghost train once and regrets everything, he spends the entire ride with his head buried in Alex‘s hoodie. Yes, also Bobby has to make sure that Alex doesn’t accidentally bump in to random strangers.

Toffee nut- for a second I thought you said that Reggie didn’t know one of his friends was allergic to gluten and I was like this fits Bobby so much but I misread that severely. But that’s exactly what happens, also Julie brings it up once, just in general, and that’s where Alex has to be like ‘Reggie we are already dead’

11. The game to see if Reggie is lying or not, love that. (Honestly I wanted him to have actually met Queen Elizabeth very randomly however your theory fits so well)

13. Yes, they all just randomly dance around the studio. I mean the band in full cowboy outfit should be very high up on your list of things to expect for season two.

14. That’s exactly why I said that, because Nick shouldn’t be able to see the boys however since he’s actually Caleb during that moment he can. So he has to pretend like he isn’t furious, he kind of fails but somehow is able to pass it off.

They can’t deny good music, love this line and yes they most definitely can’t.

15. I’m glad that you like the little Han-solo idea

16. Yes, yes, we all know that Alex still lets them in the kitchen because he can’t say no to the puppy dog eyes however during that moment he tries his best to keep them out

17. Alex was most definitely the cutest baby also that is precisely what the photo looks like. (As you mentioned earlier I believe whenever Reggie was upset at Luke he would give Julie baby pictures of Luke. So of course Reggie does the same to Alex and shows Willie pictures of him as a baby. And Willie has heart eyes for the rest of the day from that photo

19. They definitely jump in puddles also the amount of times Luke has done that to Alex for no reason at all is a lot (also this is adorable)

20. Yes, I think everyone fell in love with Alex after the first episode as they should. ‘I have been crying for 25 years. How is that possible?!?!’

Yes Reggie and Willie definitely only talk in puns to each other and Alex is not happy (lies but for now they will let Alex be)

Also this makes me think that if flynn had known that Luke existed when she was going to egg Julie’s house, he definitely would’ve helped. Also yes, Emily buys those eggs right then and there, alongside toilet paper because.

21. That’s exactly what I thought but now seeing it in writing makes me upset. Him having a key symbolizes that he now found his home, and when Luke ran away Alex was so torn because obviously he supported his best friend more than anything however at the same time he just didn’t know what to do. (I don’t think I’ve seen this list but I am very intrigued, should we petition the show to let you write Mitch‘s character for season two) Yes, Alex and Luke are such brothers and we can blame Mitch.

24. The first time I saw the song I just thought that she sang in it as background vocals or something and then I was massively disappointed. Wait wait, what if in season two we get a song from Flynn that basically answers flying solo and shows how much Julie means to Flynn. I am in the same exact boat flynn is in a music program so at the very least we have to see her doing something they can’t just waste that talent like that. So I know this YouTube creator by one video and one video alone which is I’m going to kill Santa Claus, but yes I added it to my watch later (also you did get the title right, caps and everything)

25. Yes, he wanted to be strong for her which is why he initially went. (Third chance at getting a family 🥺🥺 awww)

Yes they exactly would’ve been uncle Reggie, uncle Luke, and uncle Alex, she definitely would’ve been nicer just due to the fact that the boys never would’ve let her get away with it.

26. I mean even when the boys forgive him, he still doesn’t forgive himself. Also yes, and the first thing he does is remake the hat for Alex because for some reason Alex hasn’t been able to find the hat (and or one for Willie because he wears beanies as well) Just imagine happy Bobby reunited with his bandmates (family) though aww.

28. Yes, also Reggie is like a cat when it comes to yarn so after he initially got tangled of course he got himself even more tangled until he just became a ball of yarn. (I love that title, also there is two parts because Reggie made a similar one again due to the fact that this happened twice)

30. Yes, Willie does have an old soul and him and Alex connect very well with Vitoria

32. Yes, best fan base ever. Legitimately they will get stopped on the street and if someone finds out that their sunset Curve they immediately get some sort of fanart or sticker (also a hug because Luke will give free hugs to everyone)

Yes, honestly I was thinking that Alex could be a cat as well however you’re entirely correct it’s Bobby who is the cat. I’m a bit stumped on what Alex would be, hear me out he would be a hedgehog just because that would be absolutely adorable. (Also I love the owl idea that’s brilliant)

Wait, not only does Alex get that but a fan handmade a puzzle of the band and it’s one of Alex‘s most treasured items from a fan.

34. The boys laugh for so long but the eventually help him out of the fridge, not before Reggie takes a picture though

35. Wait yes, Ray helps them out with the photoshoot. At first he thought that Flynn was asking him to take the pictures and he was completely prepared but then he quickly realizes that she kind of just wanted him to be there too not only help out but because he’s the greatest.

37. They take all of his hoodie expect the pink one, however they do wear it just give it back.

39. He says it immediately, honestly doesn’t even register that he says it until about five minutes later

40. It’s actually a mixture of both, also because Alex wears Luke’s shirts while they are practicing. Even if the practice doesn’t turn out the best they always have a great time just because they love spending time with each other and that makes everything better.

So you mentioning Willie wanting to learn lifts and stuff, and it made me think of the fact that Kenny Ortega has done dirty dancing which means they should have a scene like this

https://youtube/DIKpUa0O7Ns (if the link doesn’t load basically its the dirty dancing - time of my life final dance)

So now I need this in season two. (Also Willie is the one who is being lifted)

Also I agree this may take the cake for my favorite (also because I now have the dance I want Willie and Alex to do in season two)

Now I may have Time of my life stuck in my head ‘and I owe it all to you’ (actual a song lyric and technically I only have myself to blame)

I’ve been trying to answer this all day but kept getting interrupted by things including but not limited to my schoolwork and the fact that my kitten escaped the bathroom while my mum was trying to wash her which caused s t r e s s but I’ve finally got round to it so here we go!

Before I start, thanks! I actually managed to get most of my work in on time today which I’m really proud of (all of it was in on time if we ignore maths, but that’s my worst subject and I don’t think my teacher is excepting much from me anyway 😂😭)

And oh god I kind of am tempted to make tallies of how often we say that now lmaooo I’d add for me any variation of “ahdslflkdp” or “omg lmaooo yes”

Anyway! Let’s start!

BOX STUFF

1. Thank you!!!!! Exactly but somehow I can imagine he still manages to be messy. Like all his stuff is packed away neatly, but the boxes they’re packed away in are just everywhere and it’s a nightmare for Alex who likes to be clean and tidy. (Luke doesn’t care whether things are messy or tidy, and Bobby is messy but not as cluttered as Reggie I think) And yes!! He uses Luke’s and Bobby’s too, as well as a drum Alex accidentally broke and is now kind of like a box if that makes any sense lol

2. Ikr lmaooo he just puts them in there like “well we needed something” and when Bobby continues to say it doesn’t count because it’s not him he just claims the baby is an honorary member of the band

3. Yes! Maybe he found it one day, thought to himself that he’d read it and try it out later but then completely forgot about it and the box

BOARD GAME AND JAM STUFF

1. I am so in love with this idea oh my godddd, yes, your mind!!!! They have these extravagant board game nights that last hours and hours (while they’re all wearing their matching pyjamas or onesies of course). I love games like Hedbanz omg and I can totally imagine them playing this and also games like Cluedo, Pictionary, Articulate (great game btw if you’ve never played, highly recommend), and any game Julie finds like at a charity shop (because I can totally see her and Flynn going to charity shops and finding a bunch of cool stuff??) Whoever is in a team with Julie is pretty much guaranteed to win (unless it’s Luke, but Alex or Reggie with Julie are pretty much unstoppable) and in the old days Reggie was the master of all games. You’re so right about Luke getting angry lmao monopoly was banned after the first fifteen minutes of the first time they ever played it

2. I love how random that whole thing is but also that you’re 100% right. Also the fact that This Band Is Back is also called Reggie’s Jam has led to some interesting different versions of that song over the years

NUMBER STUFF

2. This kind of links in but not really - once they’re with Julie they have movie nights too and Flynn and Willie often join in. Julie and Flynn have a couple’s jumper and Reggie and Luke are jealous of how comfy they look all snuggled up together so because Luke is wearing one of Alex’s hoodies they both get into that. The only problem is Alex’s hoodie only has one head-hole so they end up stretching it and Alex isn’t happy. Him and Willie just watch the whole time, Alex not finding any of it amusing, Willie laughing his head off

3. Yes that was the exact image I had in my head!!! And it only works when Julie does it because it’s Julie and Luke isn’t really convinced but he’ll agree with her because it makes her happy and that’s all he really wants

4. Ok that made me think of Merlin if you’ve ever watched that show??? If you haven’t then you should, it’s on Netflix and one of my all time favourites. Anyway the phrase two halves of a whole is really similar to two sides of the same coin which is used all the time in Merlin and now I kinda wanna write a Merlin AU where Luke is Arthur, Alex is Merlin, Reggie is Gwaine, Julie is Gwen, Carrie is Morgana, Caleb is Uther, etc.

5. Yeah 🥺 I kinda just want more of Alex relaxing around Julie next season y’know? Like they’re obviously super close but he doesn’t always act around her the same as he does with the guys. I want to see them get closer, have nights where it’s just the two of them, maybe Alex officially coming out to her (though I like to think he already did that and it just wasn’t shown to us)

6. Omg ok that hurt. Wow. Because the boys don’t cross over or go to wherever Rose went after they died, they just stayed in the dark room for an hour, they can’t watch over Bobby and see how he’s doing and they can’t send him any signs like Rose did for Julie. If they had been able to do that then things would have been so much different!

8. What if Bobby started trying like everything the boys liked when they were alive? Like after he realises he can’t make jewellery or write poetry anymore he tries the Rubik’s Cube but can’t do it. So he tries puzzles but just can’t find them as interesting as Alex did. And he tries crosswords and sudokus but can’t wrap his head around them like Reggie. Eventually all his interests kind of drop away and he’s left with even less than he already had.

10. Absjdldl yes lmao that’s perfect! Honestly I love that for us, little random tangents here and there is perfect 😂

Yessss I love that lol like when he meets up with the guys again he’s soaking wet and grinning like an idiot lmao

Reggie has scrapbooks dedicated to their theme park trips and it’s kind of messy and most of the photos are blurry but he loves them as they’re some of his best memories

Also the image of Alex getting so lost in his happiness watching everyone having fun that Bobby just has to pull him out of the way of people is glorious and I love it

Also I had another random thought literally just now. This is kinda based on something that happened when I was 12 I think? So Sunset Curve goes to a theme park and they’ve just finished lunch and Alex wants to go back on rides immediately so they decide to go on something small and not scary so they won’t like vomit their food everywhere. Reggie goes with it because they won’t be going on a big ride. They go on one of the smallest rides there, literally it’s this platform that moves side to side I can’t really explain it better than that. And it is the most terrifying ride any of them have been on in their entire lives even though it looks fine and Reggie refuses to go on anything else for the rest of the day just in case he’s tricked by its tame appearance again.

Toffee nut - omg yeah no I love that! Bobby is definitely allergic to gluten. Alex loves baking special gluten-free stuff just for him and the others are banned from eating it (but y’know they ignore that and do anyway)

11. Tbh now you’ve said that I want it too and I’ve changed my mind, there’s a high chance he did meet her. Somehow. Even he’s not really sure what happened but yeah he did 😂

13. Honestly just any kind of fancy dress? Like cowboys is up there but I’d love to see Fairy Princess Luke ngl

14. I love the image of Nick very poorly containing his anger and ending up accidentally saying something like “they wouldn’t know sophistication if it snuck up and slapped them” and then having to explain what the hell that meant to Julie

16. No one can resist Reggie and Luke’s puppy dog eyes 😂 I love the idea that he shoos them away but they look at him through the door. So he shuts the door, leaving them outside, but they move to the window. He pulls the curtain down over the window but they come in through the front door and stand in the kitchen again and either he has to relent and let them stay or offload them to Bobby or Julie depending on when this is

17. Afjkgjl yes and Alex looks as if he’s embarrassed by it but really he’s isn’t, he’s actually angry because he wanted to be the one to show Willie his baby photos and Reggie stole that from him damnit!

19. This is kind of unrelated but it’s on the subject of water so kinda close - water fights. Absolutely. Especially in summer. Alex is the best at them. Luke sucks (it’s kind of becoming a theme that Luke is awful at anything competitive and I love that lmao)

20. LITERALLY. He said that and a bunch of other things (there’s too many to list lol) and I was immediately like “ok yeah he’s gonna be my favourite isn’t he” and I was right

Absjdidko yeah he hates the puns but love that they’ve found something to bond over, he’ll just never admit it. Whenever they’re doing it he just shakes his head disappointedly, trying to hide a smile

Lmao yeah Luke is well-practised at egging houses and for at least an hour he would have been thinking “I want to but it’s Julie” unable to decide and eventually he would have done it for the fun

Emily Patterson honestly would’ve won Mother of the Year imo (except the arguing with Luke, but that’s one flaw and otherwise she was great)

21. Omg yeah totally, he would have definitely struggled between supporting Luke by not going and supporting himself by going. Either he would have not gone, or gone secretly and updated Emily and Mitch to tell them Luke was safe.

YES DEFINITELY PLEASE AND THANK YOU. Honestly I love Mitch and there’s so much I want to see from him (especially a conversation with Ray) and I would love to write his character @ Kenny Ortega please hire me :)

Also here’s the list of you want to look through it whenever lol

24. I love this yesss we deserve to see Flynn’s response to Flying Solo! Honestly my prediction for her is that she kind of starts feeling left out of everything because she can’t see the boys (even though Julie and the guys obviously don’t mean to leave her out and they’re devastated when she tells them that’s what’s going on) which A) could be how she starts to reconnect with Carrie and B) could be the reason she sings a song for Julie. And YES Jadah Marie is so talented therefore Flynn is and that can’t be wasted!

Lmaooo I’m Going to Kill Santa Claus is one of the only videos I’ve not seen of his but I love all his other stuff. And I’m legit proud of myself for remembering that title 😂😂

25. Exactly! Like Trevor I think would be a semi-lenient parent and whenever Carrie acts up it would have been Alex who was the first to tell her off and tell her what she should have done. He would never shout, but he also wouldn’t sugarcoat it and would be honest. Reggie and Luke would have been gentler on her but Bobby would have just been terrible at discipline lol

26. Yes omg 🥺 the little gestures like making more hats are the things that get the boys to finally forgive him. And I know for a fact that Willie wearing a beanie is all I’m going to be thinking about forever now, holy moly

28. Ajsbdkspskke yes!! Eventually it turns into a whole series of songs that end with “Bobby I Swear I Will Hide All Your Knitting Needles If You Don’t Start Cleaning Up Your Yarn, This Is Your Final Warning”

32. I love that! The band is very sociable so they run into fans a lot and fans just start bringing their fanart and stickers wherever they go because you never know when you might run into Sunset Curve

Omg I can totally see hedgehog Alex that’s literally perfect I love it! Because he’s kind of shy and nervous but also prickly (like come on, his sarcasm and the way he just deadpans half his lines is brilliant)

Yessss it’s this really detailed painting made into a puzzle of all of them and Alex puts off making it for ages because he doesn’t want to damage it or anything 🥺

34. Lmao yeah Reggie has to take a load of photos because he’s using his Polaroid and he’s laughing so much that the camera shakes and the photo comes out blurry every time

35. Yes she wants him there because Ray is obviously the Best Dad Ever (I am definitely in agreement with Reggie on this one). Also it helps because then it doesn’t look like Flynn is by herself taking all these photos because the guys can’t be seen 😂

37. Yes lol the one rule is that if you take the pink one you MUST give it back. Willie is the only one who can occasionally get away with breaking that rule, in which case Alex just takes it back himself

39. Absjdldl yes especially because Carrie doesn’t comment on it (because she’s not really listening to him, just speaking her thoughts aloud, because I feel like she does that a lot? Talks to herself because it’s easier to understand her thoughts when she says them?)

40. Omg yes and that’s even better because Alex had done it with Luke and Reggie so he knows how! I mean, it doesn’t go well at all, but they have fun!

God me too now I’ve got it stuck in my head 😂 tbh I had Devil Went Down To Georgia and also Ring Of Fire stuck in my head for ages after we mentioned those so it only makes sense lol

[twoidiotwriters1]

Starcrossed Losers XVI (Josh Wheeler xReader)

A/N: This is when I tell you to be ready to get a tad sad.

Words: 5,605

Warnings: None!

Previous chapter // Next chapter

KJ is a fucking genius. 

She knows things I didn’t even know were a thing, the info currency? Why would someone need those?

Then I thought about our situation and I went ‘Oh, that’s why’.

We have to cross half of the town to get to where we could find someone who could talk to a member of Turbo’s tribe. You better be sure I brought my skates and Katie with me (I named my hammer after my sister, you know, it helps me cope... sort of). 

That also means we have to cross different tribe’s territories. The shortest road is through the uh, cowboys tribe thing... 4-H? I just realized how I said I know every inch of the city, I do, but the people in it? Not so much.

Tribes have expanded, I know the basic ones: Cheeramazons, Jocks, and the derivatives of the jocks. I know somewhere there are gamers, the cowboys and Kardashian... I know I’m missing lots and lots but is not really a big deal, I’m just a girl, I don’t have to know everything.

Anyway, 4-H accepts the food and allow us to go through their territory, fifteen minutes later we found ourselves on a narrow alley, in front of us there’s a big trailer box with videogames characters drawn all over it.

KJ knocks on it with a rock and a small compartment opens, a crossbow points directly to KJ’s head and we jump back. 

The person inside speaks but I don’t understand what they say, KJ answers back and after a few, scary seconds, the crossbow disappears.

“That wasn’t Chinese,” says Josh.

“It’s Dothraki,” She answers simply, “I also know Na’vi, Elvish and a little Hebrew.”

She looks over her shoulder and shrugs.

“The JCC had a good preschool.”

Josh grins, clearly impressed by the girl’s abilities. I'm... astonished, to say the least. This girl is a box of surprises all around.

So the gate opens and KJ is the first one to enter, then me, then Josh. The room is dark and we can only see the helmet of the person in front of us. They slap KJ across the face and I gasp.

“You’ve got some nerve KJ, after the shit you pulled in Frogtown,” Says the person in a somehow robotic voice.

When they take off the helmet, I recognize the girl.

There’s a silence before KJ and her laugh, high fiving each other.

“Meet Aria Killigan and her elite strikeforce, The Game Overs.”

“I know who she is,” I tilt my head, smirking, “this is what you ended up doing after leaving?”

“Y/N?” Aria gives me a half-smile, “What are you doing with KJ?”

Aria and I weren’t the closest friends, but she used to sit with us during lunch and she’d spend the whole time fighting with Alex about crazy Star Wars theories. She was the one who introduced Stuart to us. 

I remember her as a sharp, fun person. When the apocalypse happened she stayed with us a few days and one morning she was gone without explanation, I never heard from her again. 

Until now, of course.

Inside there are three kids that were usually with her during free hours, playing on their phones. Unfortunately, I never learned any of their names, I don’t think they care, though. They didn’t even turn to look at us as we got in.

“These are assassins?” I hear Josh behind me, asking in what it sounds a skeptical tone, “You play videogames”

“We’re combat-ready unit. Check out our Ghoulie kill-count,” She points to a bunch of pictures of celebrities.

“Jonah Hill’s kind of an easy target,” Josh says.

“Fat Jonah Hill sure, but skinny Jonah Hill is agile AF”

“What were his last words?” Asks KJ.

“I’m friends with Brad Pitt,” Answers Aria.

“Of course,” KJ nods along.

“Can we focus on the plan for a moment?” I ask.

“You can’t be for real,” My friend scoffs, “this is like a ten-year-old’s birthday party playing games on Nerf mode.” 

“We’re online in elite arenas,” Replies Aria, “the bombs didn’t knock out satellites. We’re playing across the globe: Korea, Norway, Brazil...”

“We’re not the only ones left,” KJ adds, “there’s a whole wide world”

“Is it... Is it the same everywhere?” Josh asks, “Like, just kids no adults or do they have adults like Baron Triumph and the Witch? Are there animals mutating? Do they know why this happened? Why the bombs went off of why we survived?”

I was expecting this to be everywhere, not gonna lie. Adults wouldn’t just give up California so easily to kids if that wasn’t the case.

Still, it breaks my heart. I feel like they’ve taken away all the possibilities I had to build my own life how I wanted, now the only thing I can aspire to have is enough food for the month and don’t get my scalp burnt with acid rain. Oh yeah, we have those now more than ever.

Aria rolls her eyes and looks at KJ and me.

“What’s the mission?”

“Liquidate Turbo Bro-Jock,” says KJ.

“Fuck off,” scoffs Aria, going back to her chair.

“Don’t get shook!” KJ exclaims.

“No,” She replies, “Highschool taught us one thing: there are winners and there are losers. The best way to live: don’t pick sides. That’s why gamers are anonymous.”

I used to agree with that philosophy. I was a loner with no strings attached that would stop me from survival. The thing is that I can’t stay away from the problem when the problem is after my head, specifically. 

I can’t afford to step back and hope for forgiveness. I have to act.

“Don’t forget who pulled you out of the shit in Encino,” Huffs KJ, “you owe me. If you do this, you’re off my books”

“Listen, Aria, I know it sounds crazy but you wouldn’t be doing this on your own. I spent time with the jocks, I was their cleaning lady before Owen appeared and I know everything about the traps and secrets entrances but I can’t do it without someone helping us from inside. You think you can find one?”

Aria takes a moment to think, then sighs.

“Fine. We’ll help you,” She scoffs, Aria turns on her screen and we step closer, “we’ve been playing Overwatch with a Jock. His username is 5318008. This dude wants to kill Turbo for real.”

“He’s the one that’s gonna help us?” Asks Josh, looking at the screen.

“That’s the plan,” Aria shrugs, “our inside man should be online soon.”

“Okay,” I nod, “tell him that I’ll help. I mean, don’t tell him my name cause they surely won’t remember me but do tell him that there’s someone who knows their way in and only needs someone to make sure the hall will be empty when we get in”

“Sure,” Aria looks at me for a second, “I’m glad you’re alive, Y/N. Is Alex still with you?”

“He came back like a week ago, he’s fine,” I smile, “as annoying as ever... you know anything about Stuart?”

“I don’t know where he is,” She shrugs, “sorry I bailed on you, I simply didn’t feel like that was my place.”

“I understand, we weren’t perfect,” I sigh.

She leans her back against the seat and turns aggressively towards Josh.

“Hey, quit fogging up my screen, mouth breather!”

“Come,” Grumbles KJ, standing up and pulling Josh with her.

“I’ll leave you to it,” I tell her, “thank you, seriously.”

Aria has her eyes fixed on the screen. 

When I get to where Josh and KJ are, I hear them arguing in hurried whispers.

“I had no idea any of this was here”

“Because you’re an epic noob.”

“I do fine, thank you,” Josh frowns.

“Doing fine is why you’re a noob,” She replies, “that goes for the both of you”

“Not fair,” I reply in a grumble, “I know how to defend myself”

“By hiding inside trash containers?”

“Better to be a liar, like you?” Josh is quick to ask.

“Don’t you get it?” She scoffs, “Moral codes are worth less than stale Cheetos.”

That I don’t agree. We don’t have any rules but it doesn’t mean I’ll be going full savage on people. I’m a good person! Adults fucked up the world because they were too busy ‘trying to survive’ on their cruel society by cheating and stepping on others, can’t they see how this is exactly the same shit?

“If you’re such a ninja then how come you were caught by Triumph?”

“First, that’s racist. And second, you were caught too.”

“It wasn’t our fault! The jocks had cornered us into an alley.”

“And I got us free,” Adds Josh.

“Because of me,” KJ scoffs.

“Why are you even helping us?” He frowns, “You don’t seem like the type who’d do something for nothing”

“I don’t,” She responds coldly.

That sends a shiver up my spine and causes me to stop their arguing.

“I get that you’ve been surviving on some kind of trading favors and collecting debts but can’t you see that’s the kind of issue that ended the world in the first place? I’m not saying we should form a circle and tell our biggest insecurities but maybe cut us some fucking slack, it’s us the ones that have been getting death threats”

“Turbo throws death threats to everyone. If you can’t handle it, maybe you shouldn’t be the leaders”

“You shouldn’t be threatening us with that,” I reply, now upset, “I don’t look like the killing type, but I assure you, I can get rid of nuisances. I have.”

KJ glares at me, for a second I think she’s gonna kick us out, tell us that she’s changed her mind and she’ll tell Aria to stop her search. Luckily for me, Aria speaks up.

“Yes!” She exclaims, “All right. 5318008 is on board. He’ll help us get inside the school. We move at 1700, full battle rattle. Tonight, we squelch Turbo Pokaski.”

“Cool,” I feel my hands getting colder, “nice! I need a moment.”

I get out, the skates don’t make it easier, so I step on a few feet by accident. I manage to leave the room and walk out to the narrow alley. I sit on an old tire and lean my face against my good hand.

Going back to school wasn’t on my plans for the summer, let alone killing Turbo. I know I kinda threatened KJ with killing her is she tries to kick us out of the mall but that was me trying to sound scary. I don’t kill people! I swore off killing after smashing my sister’s head, which sounds horrid enough.

Ghoulies don’t count, they don’t really feel and they’re no longer people. Turbo? That’s a whole different thing.

I need to calm myself down cause either if I want it or not it’s gonna happen, so my mind needs to be clear when the time comes. 

Songs always calm me down. I try to think of one and my brain runs hurriedly through the folders and folders of songs I’ve learned through the years. 

I’m a good person, so I’ll share the song with you.

“I wanna be a great one I wanna make a million dollars Making all my days count Clowning with my day ones...”

I slowly start to sing under my breath, my eyes tightly closed and my hands still cold as ice. 

I don’t want to do this. This is all the adults’ fault. If it wasn’t because of their stupid nuclear war and their thirst for power I would still be going to school, normal as ever, spending time with my friends and planning my future.

I had a plan, you know? I was going to study to become an artist. I wanted to be rich and live in a small house in Europe where everyday the mornings would be soft and the nights cold but cozy. I was going to be the best of... of whatever I was supposed to be. Now I don’t have a plan. 

Well, I do. 

I’m about to kill a kid.

“You have a nice voice”

I jump and cut my singing instantly, looking over my shoulder with wide eyes.

“Josh, could you not do that when I’m on the verge of a breakdown?”

“A breakdown?” He raises a brow, “You know, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to”

“I have to,” I shake my head, “I’m the only one who knows the way in, I can’t let them down. Aria agreed to this only cause I’m taking the risk too.”

“I’m sure she’ll understand”

“They’ll understand shit,” I frown, “didn’t you hear KJ? As soon as we show weakness they’ll eat us. I can’t have that after all I’ve been through.”

“KJ was just bluffing, I’m sure she doesn’t have what it takes to lead the kids”

“And we do?” I huff, “Josh look at us, we’re unknown children. The only reason they respect and ‘trust us’ is because they think that what you did back with Triumph is what we do on the daily”

“You think they’ll turn on us?”

“If what KJ said is true and they have no morals, yes.”

Josh sits beside me, now he looks as affected as me.

“That’s why I have to go,” I continue, “if I take direct part on Turbo’s death, you and I will seem bulletproof. The guy that beat Triumph and the girl that killed Turbo? We’ll be safe for the rest of our lives... that’s something, considering I’ll have to stay here for the rest of my fucking existence.”

I see how he turns to look at me by the corner of my eye.

“I think that going over to kill Turbo is not the real reason why you’re upset.”

“This is not how I was planning to spend my teenage years,” I reply, “I feel like I’m the only person alive with common sense on the area and that means I’ll have to spend the rest of my life hiding from people if I don’t want to get killed for something as stupid as fake power.”

“That’s a bit unfair on the rest of us,” Josh scoffs, “what about Angelica and Alex? They’re good people. Alex came back because he cares about you and Angelica adores you and would do anything for you, even if she’s too stubborn to admit it. That’s the reason why she didn’t light Maya on fire, she has a flexible moral, but she’s loyal. Don’t listen to KJ. You’re not alone.”

“Can’t you see that’s exactly the problem?” I ask in exasperation, “If I were alone I could just disappear and try in a different city, I could move away”

“So you’re saying we’re stopping you from being happy?”

“I’m saying that I would give zero shits to loyalty and morals if I hadn’t met you in the first place. You ruined everything.”

This is the reason why I keep my mouth shut when I’m angry.

Josh looks at me in stunned silence, his face is one of innocent surprise at first, then he looks pissed.

“Let me make things easier for you,” He stands up and leaves.

No song can fix this now.

I stand up again, easing my breathing and checking my phone. It’s a quarter ‘til five, time to leave.

The Game Overs get out of their cave and Aria gives me a small mike.

“What’s this?”

“We have to be connected while we walk around the school looking for Turbo.”

“We’re gonna break the group?”

“We cover more areas like that”

“We’ll die faster like that”

“Just do as she says,” KJ interrupts me, “Aria knows what she’s doing.”

I look at Josh, searching for a sign that he supports me. He ignores me, arms crossed and avoiding my eyes.

I don’t have time for boy’s tantrums. What I said was wrong and it hurt him and I will apologize, but right now I just don’t have the time.

“Alright,” I say, putting the microphone on, “let’s go.”

“Good luck,” Says KJ.

It takes us exactly half an hour to arrive at the limits of the school. Aria stands next to me.

“Very well, Vinchi,” Aria tells me, “lead the way.” 

“Please, don’t call me Vinchi,” I say, “what did the jock tell you?”

“He’s waiting for the lights to drop,” She says, “so you better tell us how to do that”

“Here,” I walk over to where the parking lot is, we have to move quietly, my skates are certainly loud but it looks like they’re on lockdown and no one’s outside.

It takes us a few minutes, but I manage to find the main power source and they’re quick to cut it. We walk over to the cafeteria’s back entrance and we enter quietly through the kitchen. I hear Aria talking through her microphone.

“Power is cut, username 5318008 said that we could find Turbo in Mrs. Fitz old class”

I stop moving.

“That’s not where he is”

“Everyone move into kill positions,” Aria ignores me.

They scatter around me.

“Aria!” I whisper-yell, “Aria, listen to me! Turbo’s room is the principal’s office, not Mrs. Fitz classroom! I cleaned it a thousand times-”

“Y/N, stop talking or they’ll find us!” Aria tells me through the mike, “Move!”

I have a bad feeling about this, but I can’t leave them alone.

“Shit,” I whisper once I’m out of the cafeteria, “Where are you?”

They’re really good, fast. I can’t see where they went.

Everyone tells me their positions, then Styx gets deadly quiet.

“Styx is fragged,” I hear Josh say.

“I knew it!” I respond, “Aria, this was a fucking trap.”

“Everyone hold their position,” She insists, “Y/N, don’t you dare try something outside the plan”

“Sorry, Aria,” I reply.

Of course, the next thing I do is quit the plan.

“Bronyboy is offline,” KJ says.

Okay, what the fuck do I do now? It looks like my fate is to fail forever in every plan I’ve ever made. So new plan: Improvise.

I hated when characters used to do that in movies or tv shows, like ‘Oh sure I’ll improvise and then everything will miraculously turn out better than expected’ cause you know that’s not true. You know as soon as you try to improvise, shit blows up and you end up losing. We are not good at improvising. That’s a recipe for disaster.

So I might as well try it, am I right? My life is a fucking mess already and Josh hates me, let’s go and die.

As I move through the halls my brain is almost melting, desperately trying to find a sort of plan B that could get us out. 

“Something is wrong here, something is really fucking wrong.”

“I told you five minutes ago, this was a trap,” I growl, “User five-six-whatever lied to us. Now we have to get our asses outside!”

“You’re the last ones standing, guys,” Says Josh, referring to me and Killigan.

“Fuck! Turbo isn’t in Mrs. Fitz class, there’s just some scared kids in here...”

I hear hurried steps on my right and I move as fast as I can to the closest door... a janitor’s closet. I open it silently, closing the door behind me.

“Y/N, where are you?” Asks KJ.

Her voice comes out too loud and I rip the microphone away from my face, turning it off. This will surely make them think that I got caught, it doesn’t matter. It’s safer.

I hear Turbo’s grunts and hurried footsteps going to Mrs. Fitz classroom. I wait until I hear total silence again and get out of my hiding spot. I have my hammer with me, but I can’t take Turbo on my own. 

I skate fast through the halls, I run into the room where they keep the unused weapons and an idea pops into my brain. If they don’t have spare weapons, they can’t fight as long.

When I enter everything is dark, but it’s empty. I knew it would be empty, I lived here you know, and they don’t really watch over unused things.

There’s a big bag where they put all the balls when they’re not playing. I empty it by throwing the balls away as fast as I can and I grab every crossbow, machete, and bats that crosses my way. When I feel like I have enough (and that is not too heavy for me to flee the scene) I turn around to leave.

I'm met with the point of a dart gun.

“Stay where you are,” The boy holding it warns me.

Apparently, today is the day I get to reunite with old acquaintances.

I recognize the voice immediately.

“Nathan?”

“Y/N?” He lowers the gun, “Holy shit, I thought you were dead!”

“I’m about to die,” I try to look as innocent as possible, “but if you so kindly let me get out...”

Nathan and I know each other since freshman year. We had a nice relationship while it lasted. He was the first guy to quit our group after the nuke, never actually joined our group. The first loner I met.

Nathan frowns, pointing the gun at me again.

“You know I can’t do that. If Turbo or Mona find out-”

“They don’t have to,” I say calmly, “you got here recently, didn’t you? I never saw you while I was here...”

“Uh, yeah that’s-that’s a fun story-”

“You’ll have to save it for later,” I cut him off, “let me go.”

“Y/N...”

“I can’t explain it right now, but I’m one of the mall kids and I need to put a stop to this stupid fight,” I say, now a bit more stressed, “please Nathan, if you ever actually liked me as a person you will let me go.”

I see him struggle with his own thoughts and for a moment I think, ‘There, that’s a guy that’s loyal to his tribe’ but it also makes me feel terrible cause if that’s true that means I’m dead.

Then he says:

“Follow me. Don’t make any sudden moves or noises, they’re about to turn on the power again so we have to get you out before that”

There, that’s a guy with good morals.

“You’re the best,” I sigh.

Now, I don’t have any reason to trust him, besides the fact that we used to be friends. According to KJ that’s all baby food now, if he’s bad he’ll give me away.

But he doesn’t. Nathan guides me to a back entrance, close to the basketball court and helps me carry the bag so we can move faster.

“If you’re trying to avoid a fight why are you stealing weapons?” He asks me.

“If he doesn’t have enough weapons he can’t send his tribe to war.”

“Yeah but... well, what are you gonna do with them?”

“We don’t have weapons back at the mall, we need to be prepared, to be fair your tribe attacked us first.”

“I wasn’t there during the fight. I stayed to look over the school”

“Well, you avoided an obvious defeat”

“You’re avoiding one now”

“No, I’m about to go back with a half-win. Turbo won’t even know who took the stuff.”

We stop close to the limits of the parking lot, here I can move on my own, it will take me a while since I’m only one tiny person carrying a huge bag with weapons but I’m outside. I made it out and I feel extremely guilty cause I left Aria behind.

“Nathan... Aria was part of the group that came with me, would you..? Could you make sure they don’t hurt her?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Nathan frowns, “don’t think I’ll make it, though. I’m just a nobody and it will look suspicious if I insist.”

“I understand. Thank you anyway,” I give him a quick hug before turning away.

“Y/N?” He asks once I’m halfway gone.

“Yes?” I look over my shoulder.

He gives me a small smile.

“It was nice seeing you again.”

Should I... no. We don’t need to go there tonight. Maybe one day, but not tonight.

“Yeah, I liked seeing you too,” I nod, turning back and skating away as fast as my legs allow.

Something feels different inside me. After being this close to dying cause I trusted in the words of a person I didn’t really know right away. Why did I trust them so easily? 

More importantly, how can’t I trust Josh after all he’s done and after all we’ve been through? He’s good. He has nothing but good intentions with me, or at least that’s what I think.

Somehow during my way back, I realize it’s not about trust, nor about how many lies has he said during his life. It’s about how much I want to help him and how much that upsets me.

The stupid loyalty.

“What is life? What is love? What are lies? What is trust? What is everything?”

But does it really matter? Is it really worth it to live without a care in the world if that means I can’t be with Josh? If it means I have to stay alone when all I want to do is to hold his stupid hand, then I don’t think I want to keep my morals intact.

“Everything is nothing without you”

I want to worry, I want to build a tribe that I can rely on. I want to feel alive again, almost as if I had a plan for the rest of my life.

I have a plan.

“Running, I'm running I'm running outta patience I wanna be a great one”

Everything I knew about the apocalypse and its rules was wrong.

Sacrifices must be made when facing the end of the world. 

But in my case, it’s not about abandoning relationships.

I have to let go of every fear I’ve ever had, I have to face them and say straight to their faces: I won’t indulge you anymore. 

I'll think about Katie and look up to the sky, screaming that I’m sorry and that there’s no one in this world that I love as much as I loved her. That I was there to save my sister and I saved her the best way I could. 

That everything I’ve done after the apocalypse would’ve made my parents proud because I never stopped being a good person, they raised me well. I’m the best healer in town. 

And I must sacrifice my rough attitude for a second, and find someone to listen to how my day went, I’d like to be the lady in distress, one can admit she’s done all she can. I want to be able to ask for help with the certainty that people won’t stab me in the back for doing so.

When I reach the narrow alley my breathing is uneven and the bag feels heavier than before. I can barely hold it on my shoulder, my wrist is surely not happy about it.

“Who is that?!” KJ’s little head appears on the roof of the trailer, I can barely see. The nights are darker now.

“It’s me,” I gasp, desperately trying to catch my breath, “I made it out!”

“Y/N?!” I hear a second voice. Josh’s voice.

His head appears also in the roof.

“What the fuck are you doing up there?”

“I thought you had been killed!” He exclaims, ignoring my question, “What happened?”

“I cut communication so Turbo wouldn’t find me. I also stole his spare weapons so now we have our own arsenal, I guess...”

I hear someone jumping from the roof. I see Josh standing in front of me, no longer upset he stands there, avoiding any sort of contact. Five feet apart.

“I wanna throw my hands up Ready to be saved, yeah”

“I’ve had a really long day, Josh.” 

“I know.”

“I’m ready to have a break,” I continue.

“You deserve it.”

I’ve never been good with this, I know words aren’t my best weapon, speeches aren’t my thing. Lately, though, actions have worked for me just fine (kicking out people, healing severed fingers, escaping from Highschools). I guess my best choice is to follow Josh’s advice and just... do it.

“What is life? What is love? (tell me, tell me, tell) What is time? What is choice? (I don't know) What is everything? Everything is nothing without you”

I move forward until I’m standing right in front of Josh, we stare at each other for a second and I don’t know what he’s thinking. Nonetheless, I have a plan.

I kiss him. 

And he kisses back.

Even if you’re terrified cause things might go wrong, it’s hard to worry when the person you’re crushing on has his hands on your waist and he’s kissing you.

“I hope I am enough (I hope I am enough, oh) What is everything? Everything is nothing without you”

It feels like ages when we break apart, I’m still tired from the walk but I think I can manage a little weariness if Josh keeps hugging me like that.

“You stole all his spare weapons?” KJ asks suddenly, she’s walked up to where I dropped the bag and is looking at it.

Oh my god, I forgot she was here too, fuck, she’s gonna tell everyone about this now.

“Not all of them, I’m only one person and the bag could carry only like, half of the things in that room. But trust me, after a while it feels like you are carrying the whole room,” I move away from Josh, flushed red and feeling my heart going at a thousand per hour.

“Still, that’s impressive,” KJ nods, “I’m sorry I thought you weren’t good enough, it’s clear that you know what you’re doing.”

“Only half of the time,” I smiled awkwardly, “someone from inside did help me escape... an old friend.”

“I’ll put these inside,” She says. I can’t tell if she’s uncomfortable after what just happened or is genuinely just trying to help, “we’ll have to sleep here and then go back to the mall in the morning”

“Sounds good to me.”

KJ goes into the cave (as I’m now calling the Game Over’s place) and doesn’t come back out.

Josh softly grabs my forearm and pulls me close to him again, a sly smile on his face.

“She’s right, stealing their spare weapons was a smart move.”

“I was just trying to feel like it wasn’t a complete waste of time... the gamers are in danger because of us-”

“I know,” Josh sighs, affected by the results of our quest, “after you disconnected your camera Turbo caught Killigan. He said I had lost”

“We lost,” I shake my head, “we can’t put more people in danger, Josh. What are we going to do?”

“For now, the weapons you brought from the school will be useful,” He assures me, “they won’t give us advantaged but it will give us a chance to defend our place”

“I like the sound of that,” I smile, “not the possibility of a war, but the idea of having a place...”

“I thought you didn’t like having strings attached,” Josh mentions, in the most ‘innocent’ way.

“I changed my mind,” I admit, “I’m sorry for the things I said earlier, I was scared and anxious-”

“I understand, don’t worry,” He puts a strand of hair behind my ear and hugs me, “you don’t have to worry about me judging you for the things you do”

My heart melts at his words, but I have to make sure he knows it wasn’t right.

“Still, it was wrong and I shouldn’t have poured out all my stress onto you. I also lied. I love the fact that you found me cause everything that has happened after it has been amazing.”

“Everything?” He asks with a knowing smile.

“All of it,” I nod, softly touching his cheek, “did I ever tell you that I liked you back?”

“You didn’t. Well, you did mention having a massive crush and that you tried to confess in a song but-”

“I like you,” I interrupt him, smiling like an idiot.

“No shit,” Josh replies, “I never would’ve guessed.”

“Shut up, I know it took me long enough”

“I was willing to wait,” He shrugs, smiling.

I lean in for another kiss (now that I’m allowed to, I should do it as often as I can), he holds my waist a bit more tightly and I put my arms around his neck.

Most people hate when you narrate about ‘tongues battling for dominance’ and hands going up and down. I’ll just say it was a good kiss, it lifted all worries from my shoulders.

Momentarily, though.

KJ runs out of the cave and we jump back.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Didn’t you say Sam Dean was dead?”

“Yeah?” 

“You should come in,” She replies.

Josh and I follow her back inside and I see Turbo’s face on the screen, but is only half of his face, the image it’s zoomed in so we can see the people behind him. I notice at the same time Josh does, and I bring my hands up to cover my mouth in silent horror. 

As the great, classic meme would say:

This is the moment I knew, we fucked up.

“Sam?”

Taglist.

@letsbloodmagic @slythermyg @loving-u-3000​

[junker-town]

Ranking the 7 finalists for Shohei Ohtani

Nobody knows what’s in Shohei Ohtani’s heart. But we can rank cities and teams for him.

The Yankees will not get Shohei Ohtani. After making it to the Elimination Fortress, they couldn’t secure the Immunity Scepter, tumbling all the way down to the bottom in the final seconds of last week’s episode. They have been eliminated, and just seven teams are left. All of these teams have an 86-percent chance of having their hearts broken.

That one team, though. That one team.

The team Ohtani selects will win a sweepstakes where the prize is getting to draft Bryce Harper and Stephen Strasburg, except they’re both in the same draft, and also they’re fused together in some sort of hideous Island of Dr. Moreau experiment. Ohtani is both the best prospect in baseball and the best free agent, and he’s available for Joe Blanton money over the next six years.

Who is leading the race? Nobody knows that, dummy. We’re all lost and panicky, trying to figure out what is going through Ohtani’s head. My secret wish is that he’s very much into messing with people, and that he releases a shadow list of the actual seven finalists later. But until then, all we have are these seven teams.

It’s our duty to rank these teams. But not in a generic “here are the likeliest teams to get him,” because we don’t know that. So we’ll do a bunch of different rankings, based on the different factors that might want to go into his decision. For example ...

If he wants to win now and pick the best team

Dodgers

Cubs

literally

doesn’t

matter

after

those two

See? While you can make arguments that the Angels are on the rise because they have Trout, or that the Giants are better than their 98 losses when you factor in a full season from their starting staff and better outfield defense, it’s really just the Dodgers and Cubs in a tier by himself.

Which makes me think he’s not necessarily interested in picking the best team and getting a head start on a championship. Dude picked the Padres as a finalist. The Padres. Pretty sure he’s not employing the Kevin Durant strategy, here.

However ...

If he has a messianic complex and needs to be a hero for a team that’s eternally down on its luck

Padres

Mariners

Rangers

Dodgers

Angels

Cubs

Giants

Yeah, I’m still not used to the Giants coming in last place in a ranking like this, either. But the Giants elicit exactly zero pity these days. The Cubs used to be the sad sacks, but now they have a championship more recently than any of the other finalists. It’s been a good 15 years since the Rally Monkey, so the Angels are creeping back to drought territory.

But the four teams above the Angels have combined for exactly zero championships in the last 29 years. The top three have combined for exactly zero championships. The potential to be a hero was a factor in Jon Lester’s decision to sign with the Cubs. Maybe Ohtani wants to follow that path.

If he really wants a small market

N/A

I regret to inform you that all of these markets are pretty big. I keep reading descriptions of San Diego as a small market, but it’s the eighth-most populated city in the United States. The metropolitan area is below all the other teams, but do you think he’s going to pick the Padres because Carlsbad has fewer people than Bellevue? These are all big cities.

One way to put it is that all of these cities are big enough to have their own Major League Baseball teams.

So stop reading the tea leaves when it comes to being small market or not. San Diego is huge. Seattle is huge. These are big cities. If you’re going just by population of the city ...

Anaheim (no. 56)

Arlington (48)

Seattle (18)

San Francisco (13)

San Diego (8)

Chicago (3)

Los Angeles (2)

Why would he do that, though? Seems silly to consider Anaheim a small city when it’s surrounded by a densely populated web of freeways and other large cities. So, fine, go by the size of the metropolitan area.

San Diego (~3.3 million)

Seattle (3.7 million)

San Francisco (4.7 million)

Dallas metro (7.1 million)

Chicago (9.6 million)

Los Angeles/Anaheim (13.3 million)

The difference between the first three is negligible, I would think.

“Gosh, can you imagine living in a metropolitan area with 4.7 million people? Thank goodness that I’m here, in this sleepy area with 3.3 million people. You can really notice the difference.”

- Nobody, ever

But the larger point is that there isn’t a Milwaukee in the bunch. Imagine thinking that San Diego was a small city. Just because the Padres are the only major sports team left doesn’t mean that the city is tiny.

Maybe that’s a clue, though. Maybe “small market” is a euphemism for “laid back sports environment,” in which case ...

If he wants a low-pressure media environment

Padres

Rangers

Mariners

Angels

Giants

Dodgers

Cubs

I go back and forth between the first two, and it’s a great excuse to remind people that this was a giveaway at a Rangers game:

If Ohtani wants a low-pressure sports environment, he should play in the place that has their priorities all screwed up. He’ll have less local attention than the Cowboys’ long snapper.

If he’s super interested in spending two fewer hours on a plane the half-dozen times every year that he’s flying across the Pacific Ocean?

Mariners

Giants

Dodgers

Angels

Padres

Cubs

Rangers

But it’s pretty odd to think this is a huge factor. It’s not like he’s going home for lunch on his days off. He’s not picking his team based on an extra four hours on a round trip.

If he wants a city with a strong Japanese presence

Mariners

Giants

Dodgers

Angels

Padres

Cubs

Rangers

That’s by percentage of Japanese-born residents. If you’re looking for raw numbers, Los Angeles wins because it’s gigantic.

I can see this being a factor when it comes to Seattle vs. Texas, sure. But Ohtani is probably less interested in the .1 percent difference between Seattle and San Francisco.

If he wants a team that has a history of success with Japanese stars

Mariners

Dodgers

Rangers

The rest are n/a, really. Seattle had Ichiro, Kenji Jojima, and Kaz Sasaki. The Dodgers had /have Hideo Nomo, Kaz Ishii, and Kenta Maeda. The Rangers had Yu Darvish, who happens to be Ohtani’s childhood idol, and that worked out well.

If he wants a team with the most modern facilities/best ballpark

Giants

All the other ballparks are trash by comparison, especially Dodger Stadium, which is built into the side of a huge mountain that makes you walk up 30 flights of stairs to get to the upper deck from the parking lot, not that he would be going to the upper deck a lot, but seriously, it’s obnoxious, install a zip line or something

Though it’s possible that I’m biased.

If he wants a team with the best record of keeping players healthy (source)

Giants

(big gap)

Cubs

Dodgers

Angels

Mariners

Rangers

Padres

That’s based on days per DL trip over the last five years, and it’s not even close.

If he’s looking for the team that brought over the first Japanese-born player in baseball history, Masanori Murakami, who is still honored every year

Giants

If he’s looking to be close to the Japanese American National Library, a treasured resource

Giants

If he’s looking for the best weather and air quality in one package

Giants

Oh, he doesn’t like it too warm, and he loves a little rain, but not that much. I’m pretty sure, at least.

If he’s looking for a real estate market that will allow him to live in something the size of the Nippon Ham Fighter dorm he’s currently living in now, for the low, low price of half his annual salary

Giants

If he’s curious, like the rest of us, what Buster Posey is really like in person

Giants

If he wants to face the best pitcher in the world regularly, setting up a challenging rivalry that would span a decade

Giants

I guess the Padres are here, too, but whatever.

If he likes hitting baseballs into large bodies of water

Giants

Yeah, it sure seems like everything is going the Giants’ way in these completely unbiased rankings. Also, if I were Shohei Ohtani, I would chose the Giants, mostly because I’d be really close to my family.

Anyway, if you’re looking for a serious ranking, here’s what I think we know. Ohtani isn’t concerned about joining a super team, though he certainly won’t eliminate teams if they’re good. Being on the West Coast is important to him, but it’s not a total dealbreaker. The size of the city doesn’t matter a ton if he’s considering Los Angeles, but it might have some bearing on his decision. Mostly he’s looking for a forward-thinking team with a solid plan to fold him into the organization.

Which is all to say ... it’s a tie? And we don’t know anything? Like heck am I ranking these seven teams based on what we know, which is very little.

I’m still putting the Mariners in the lead. The Dodgers have a great chance, considering the strength of their team. Darvish had a fine experience with the Rangers, by most accounts, so that could push them over the top. The Cubs play in the oldest, most historic ballpark and they also have a loaded team. The Angels have the best player in the game. The Padres have had a chance to impress him for years because of various connections and arrangements with his former team. And, yes, the Giants actually have a few things going for them, even though they lost 98 games last year.

It’s a tie to us. To Ohtani, though? He probably has a couple favorites. He might even have made a tentative decision and is just waiting to see if anyone can blow him away at the last second.

Oh, I forgot one last ranking.

If he has any interest in trolling the world

Padres

(huge gap)

Angels

Rangers

Giants

Mariners

Dodgers

Cubs

I would respect the greatest free agent in recent memory surveying the landscape and saying, “Yes. I choose the Padres. For reasons,” just to mess with the rest of baseball. Hey, San Diego is nice, and the Padres were home to one of the best two-way players ever drafted, Dave Winfield.

They didn’t let him pitch and hit, though.

The Giants would have. I read it in a book somewhere.

“The Giants absolutely were prepared to let Dave Winfield pitch and hit, but the Padres drafted him first and had zero imagination, unlike the Giants, who were hoping to change the face of baseball.”

- Definitely a Real Book, pg. 13

Sorry, I’m sorry, I’m trying to remove all of the bias. Give me a few minutes.

And while I’m doing that, keep refreshing MLB Trade Rumors or watching your Twitter timeline scroll until you pass out. It’s probably good for your health.

Probably.