#i still don't know how to do a cut / read more on mobile

[cookinguptales]

Can I ask you to do a post about Disney & disability please? You mentioned it and I’d love to know more!

Well, my notifications can't get any messier, so why not?

This post got very, very long because I ended up talking about a lot of the accessibility solutions in detail (and... ranting about how accessibility at Universal was so bad that I got physically injured there) so I'm putting it under a cut for you.

To preface this, I have mobility issues (as well as a lot of food intolerances/allergies) and general chronic illness, my sister is Deaf, and I have friends who regularly attend the park with autistic family members with high support needs. These are the disabilities I have experience with, so while I've heard a bit about others (such as portable descriptive devices for visitors with visual impairments) I can't speak as much about those accommodations.

I have also traveled quite a bit, mostly as a disabled adult. I can work from anywhere and my family enjoys traveling, so I've been very lucky in this regard. I also used to live in central Florida, not too far from Disney, and benefited from their FL resident rates.

So I'm coming at this from a person who has a lot of experience traveling while disabled and a fair amount of experience going to WDW, though I haven't been nearly as often since I moved out of Florida.

(Good fucking riddance.)

So know that I am speaking from experience when I say I have never, without exception, been to a single place half as accessible as Walt Disney World. It is literally the reason my family would go there; it was one of the only places we could all safely go together. One of the only places I've been on earth that even approached their level of thoughtful accommodations is Barcelona, which apparently did significant renovations throughout the city in order to prepare for the 1992 Paralympics.

(Hey, if anyone is reading this from Barcelona: I teared up the first time I used one of your curb cuts in my wheelchair, just so you know.)

Going through those parks in a wheelchair is a breeze, though you will probably have to fight a lot of clueless parents with strollers who are hellbent on using resources intended for wheelchair-users and then glaring at you when you try to use them yourself. Level ground, spacious sidewalks, accessible transportation, well-kept gradual ramps, roomy buildings, lots of accessible restrooms, alternate entrances at many rides for wheelchair users, special wheelchair rows in movie theaters that we're loaded into first, accessible queues in most rides designed or renovated in the last fifteen years, special viewing areas for shows/parades/fireworks so you don't end up staring at able-bodied butts for a half hour...

Like, structurally-speaking, the parks are very easy to get around in if you're a wheelchair user. That was built in and you can see a lot of very mindful design choices. As far as the rides go, most of their rides actually have special cars that you can load into while still in a wheelchair. They're pretty neat. I can transfer, but that means often leaving my wheelchair and/or cane with a cast member during the ride. They are always, without fail, waiting for me on the other side of the ride, no matter how far the exit is from the entrance. I have never once had a problem with this. A cast member will be there to put my assistive devices in my hand before I even have to think about getting up. Guaranteed.

Wheelchair users always used to be able to skip the line, but there was unfortunately a problem with able-bodied people pretending to be disabled to skip lines (because god forbid they not have access to a single thing we have to make our lives livable) so now there's a system where if you cannot wait in a line, they'll basically give you a special time to come back that's equivalent to the length of the line. Which feels fair to me as someone who often cannot be in even an accessible line for extended periods. (I have problems with sunlight, heat, and often need emergency food or restroom.)

More important than all this, though, is the fact that cast members are impeccably well-trained in all of this. Any disabled person can tell you that the most accessible design on earth isn't worth shit if the people working there aren't well-trained. (More on this later, when I take a giant shit on Universal Studios.) But Disney trains their employees, many of whom are disabled themselves, incredibly well.

Every employee will know where the accessible entrances are. Every employee will know the procedure for getting a return time. Every employee will know about first-aid centers, and every employee will know where the quiet areas are for people with sensory issues. Every time you make a reservation for a meal, hotel room, transportation, etc. they will ask for all accessibility needs and they'll be ready for you.

Every waiter you have will be incredibly careful and knowledgeable when it comes to special dietary needs, and chefs will often come out to discuss them with you. They often have specific menus for different dietary needs, and they are scrupulous when it comes to allergens. I have a few intolerances that suck and allergies that could kill me and I have always felt very safe in their hands. This ranges from fancy sit-down restaurants to quick service burger places.

And -- honestly, I have just always been treated with respect. I know that sounds like a low bar, but most people do fail to clear it. Disney has their employees very well-trained on how to interact with disabled guests. People speak directly to me, never to the able-bodied people over my head. They never treat me like I'm a child. They never ask invasive questions or make uncomfortable jokes. They never, ever get impatient with my accessibility needs.

The few times I have misjudged things and have injured myself or gotten extremely ill, they were professional and caring as they provided much-needed first-aid. It's kind of embarrassing to be doted on by a costumed character while you wait for a doctor to come help you sit up again, but also kind of endearing, I'll admit.

They also, in addition to captioning all videos in the park, have some of the best sign language interpreters in the world, bar none. They're very personal and professional, they're easy to reserve, they will always be in a visible place during shows, and they're incredible performers as well as being very technically proficient. In addition to the professional interpreters, many cast members, performers, and characters can sign as well.

In addition to that, and this brings me to my next point, you'll meet a lot of disabled employees throughout the park. In front-facing positions. Deaf employees, employees using mobility aids, etc. They're well-known to hire disabled people and treat them well. This is. Fuck, this is incredibly rare, I say as someone who was never able to find a job in Florida with my health conditions. It's the moral thing to do to hire disabled people, but also -- selfishly, there's something so heartening and normalizing about seeing people who look like you working at the park. I'm happy every single time.

I have a little less personal experience when it comes to accessibility for neurodivergence, despite being neurodivergent myself, but I've been told that Disney is very, very accommodating for people on the spectrum. A lot is done to lessen crowding, waiting, sensory overload, etc. for autistic guests. Cast members are usually super good at this; finding designated quiet areas, helping autistic guests avoid more crowded areas, keeping them out of long lines, making sure they have access to any particular experiences that are special to them, etc.

For folks who need help from their group, whether that's an autistic child who needs to be with a parent or a disabled adult who needs someone to push their wheelchair or anything else, Disney has a rider switch-off model. In other words, if you're there with both of your able-bodied parents, for example, and you need one of them to be with you at all times and you don't want to be on the ride yourself, Disney will allow one person to go on the ride while the other waits for them to finish, then will allow the second person to go on without any additional wait. This makes sure that everyone in the family gets equal access without leaving disabled people alone. (Which... can be a very shitty feeling, I assure you.)

I know that Disney has also pioneered a lot of assistive technology. The accessible rides, obviously, which can be ridiculously cool (like Toy Story Midway Mania has an accessible car with alternative "guns" for people with dexterity limitations so they can play the carnival games as well) but also handheld assistive devices for visually impaired guests, etc. Like they are literally inventing new forms of accessibility technology, which is so cool.

And honestly, I'm always learning about new ways they assist disabled guests. I've stayed in Disney's accessible hotel rooms before (they're very nice!) but I don't like to swim so I've never been in the pools. But even just this week, someone told me that Disney has pool lifts for disabled guests, which I had never even considered. That's so cool.

The best part about accessibility at Disney is that in some ways it's very casual. A lot of their design decisions are so intuitive that you never even notice how accessible the parks are until you go somewhere where that's... not the case.

Like -- just so you don't assume that any of these things are industry standard, let me tell you about the two times I went to Universal, a park very close to Disney. I went there once for an event and once with my family.

The first time I went was for an event at the opening of the Harry Potter park. (This was before JKR made her most appalling views public, to be clear.) It... was frustrating. Guests asked if there would be food and drink available for people with special dietary restrictions (such as sugar-free butterbeer) and were pretty much told that no, that was not something they were interested in pursuing. It became very obvious very quickly that the park itself was so narrow that it only barely fulfilled ADA standards -- when empty. We were told that JKR had actually specifically insisted that it feel "cramped". Which is a nice way to say that I couldn't actually get around in any of the stores while people were in them.

It was overall a frustrating experience, but it was like. One night. I figured it was probably a fluke and they were still ironing out all the details. So I ended up going back with my parents later.

Y'all, it was a shit show.

Broken elevators that prevented disabled guests from accessing rides. Performers being up on raised platforms/sidewalks so disabled guests couldn't get to them. Sidewalks being made inaccessible by putting movable signs directly in the middle of them. Stores (even outside of the HP part) that were so damn narrow that I actually ended up getting hurt trying to navigate one of them. And no -- it was not easy to get first aid.

And my god, was the training bad. We went to one of the new HP rides, asked if there was a specific entrance for disabled guests. We were told no. We waited for a very long time in a line that honestly I shouldn't have been waiting in, but I wanted to be a good sport. I was pretty sick by the time we got through it, and the line itself had some very dangerous inclines/turns for wheelchair users. We get to the front of the line -- and the employee asks why we didn't just use the accessible entrance. 🙃

(Side note: several of their rides are also just unrideable if you don't fit within a pretty narrow body type of thin and able-bodied, so... there's that.)

We'd asked repeatedly and gotten incorrect answers, and I'd been put in physical danger as a result. Wild. I started to notice that if you asked different employees, you'd get different answers about almost anything, really. Just exceptionally poor training. Even stuff that should've been a no-brainer, like loading wheelchair users into a stationary movie theater, ended up creating chaos when they did it incorrectly and we had a giant wheelchair pileup.

Like -- let me stress to you that many of the things that happened could have caused actual injury to people. Some of these situations were dangerous. And some of them were just alienating, like when I'd have to wait outside a store while my family could go in.

I never went back after that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We just kept going to Disney.

One thing that'll probably show how good Disney is at accessibility is the whole Make-A-Wish thing. A lot of people know that it's a popular Make-A-Wish request, and you're likely to see at least a couple kids with Make-A-Wish buttons during your visit if you keep an eye out. One reason for this, is that, y'know, Disney World is fun. Kids want to go there. But more important, I think, is that Disney can accommodate people with at-times severe medical needs. Those kids can safely go anywhere and do anything in those parks that able-bodied kids can, and that's important.

All in all, the parks are just so accessible and you will never, ever be made to feel like you're lesser for needing those accommodations. You will be treated so well and you will not have to worry about accessibility because the cast members are always doing it for you. They'll usher you into the correct entrance as soon as they see a mobility device, and they'll do it with a very warm welcome. It's one of the very few places on earth where I have never felt like a burden.

Again, y'know, I know that Disney does not have a perfect track record on a lot of issues. I would never defend them from rightfully earned criticism. I strongly support labor action against them, and I do think they should be criticized whenever they fuck up. I have been uncomfortable with the sheer amount of power they have both in Florida and in the entertainment world just because no one should have that much power. But I am far more uncomfortable with that power being stripped away for blatantly discriminatory political reasons.

I do have some loyalty to Disney just because there is no other place on earth where I've been able to safely have fun with my friends with so little agony. That's... I mean, it's important, really. To be able to just exist in public without getting grief for it. And I have some loyalty to them because they were a safe space for me as a young, queer kid who was not safe being out in other areas of my life.

(Like, I am talking about actual literal safety. I kept seeing notes on my post saying that Disney didn't care about creating a "safe space for queer people" but as someone who lived in Florida for the entirety of my teenage years? It was the safest goddamn place there.)

I do not have enough loyalty to defend them when they do immoral bullshit, but I do have enough to make sure that people know the good that they do as well.

I want other businesses to follow Disney's model for disability. I will praise them forever for what they've done in that regard because if I don't, there's no reason for other companies to follow suit. I want to praise them for the good things they've done so they have incentive to keep doing it, and other companies have an incentive to do it as well.

Like bro, I just wanna be able to move around and be treated with some dignity, y'know? My bar is so low. lmao

But yeah. That's why you always see so many disabled guests at Disney. It's literally the only place some of us can go to have fun.

[wolfes]

NEW EDITOR 101: A GUIDE FOR GIFMAKERS by v @shangs

Hi friends! I know I said I would do this way back in April/May when this change was announced but I've been massively busy lately so thank you all for being patient with me :)

Based on the results of this poll, I will be trying my level best to help make a guide for gifmakers to best deal with any problems that have been present with the new editor. However, it's worth noting that I have personally not experienced any of these problems myself and I have no record of any problems from other people that I could send to staff and get guidance on, so for some of these issues I will unfortunately be a broken record.

That being said, I have been using the new editor for a few months now and it hasn't been too bad. So don't be discouraged by the new editor if you still love to make gifs and share them. You may need to adapt a bit, but it's doable!

This is meant to be comprehensive and will be explanation and image heavy. Full guide under the cut.

CONTENTS:

What is the new editor?

Steps to take before posting

Making a post

Troubleshooting

01. WHAT IS THE NEW EDITOR?

Some of you may be asking yourselves what the point of the new editor even is and why it's being implemented in the first place when we already had a (mostly) functional editor. My very limited understanding of it as a CS student is app compatibility and flexibility. I'm not totally clear on the details nor am I 100% certain this is the case, but NPF posts (basically, posts made with the "new editor") first started with the mobile app. I'm unsure if the different post types were simply too unwieldy to transfer to the app - having to make a whole bunch of post types when with the new editor you can now have posts with any elements you want without the rigidity of a set post type - or if it was simply not able to be implemented, but the apps have always used NPF. The majority of Tumblr users are coming from the mobile apps. Then it became a case of having the legacy editor for the web users (which were fewer in number) and the new NPF editor for everyone else. That takes resources to keep around and it's pretty inefficient. Naturally the older editor that was used by less people was going to get the axe, especially since you couldn't tell on mobile that there was even a difference between NPF or legacy posts.

So now here we are and the posts are NPF. This means they're in "Neue Post Format." Basically, every post you make is by default a text post, containing "blocks" of other media - as gifmakers we will primarily be dealing with photos.

I understand that it's frustrating to many to see "our gifs are now rendered as text posts" and ask WHY it's happening when photos should logically be rendered as photo posts - but the fact is, there's now no real delineation between a "text post" and a "photo post." The reason NPF posts are now "text posts" is because that's how they are rendered for desktop themes, not because everyone is going to see your post as text and your gifs are going to be compressed into the quality of a potato (though I know some have seen this issue - more on that later.)

02. STEPS TO TAKE BEFORE POSTING

The long and short of it is that you may have to update your theme. More detail here for those who are interested, but check that your theme supports "new editor posts" or "NPF posts" AND that this is true for original posts (you can read more about why in this ask and, although this may be a bit time-consuming, test it out on your blog). I can say with certainty that my second theme Cygnus supports original NPF posts. This is NOT true of my first theme, though.

You can try to add the NPF Fix by @glenthemes to your own theme (beware if you don't know HTML/CSS) or try this tip by @burningblake for original posts.

Feel free to add theme makers with fully NPF-compatible themes in the notes! I have been happily using my own theme so I can't say to what degree others' themes are NPF-friendly.

03. MAKING A POST

If you're sticking around to post on the new editor and you have trouble ordering your gifs around, here's a little guide on how to post.

If I click on "Photo" from web and open up the editor, here's how it looks:

I went ahead and added three full-width gifs and the editor put them in like so:

You'll most likely also have to order your gifs around in the way you want them. You can go ahead and hover over your gifs to see the button to orient them (the four dots in the top left corner) and the button for an image description (the three dots in the bottom right corner). I've attached images of all three below:

If you hold the orientation button, move your gif around until you see the blue line that shows where your gif will end up in the spot that you want it. For example, I wanted to move the second gif below the first one, so I oriented it so that the blue line would show the marker between the two gifs:

Now my gifs are oriented nicely! Of course, this is a simpler layout, but the principles still hold.

If you save your gifs as a draft and reopen them or you just notice a large gap like this in between your gifs when you're in the editor, don't worry.

This will not show up in dash view or on a desktop theme that supports original NPF posts. For example, this is how the gifs' gap (without modification) looked in my desktop theme:

With your gifs ordered, the final step is to add alt text. You can read more about alt text and why you should use it here. (Feel free to ignore the sections about the captions on the legacy editor since it is no longer relevant. It's also unnecessary to clearly mark descriptions if they're not in the caption of your post because they will clearly show up under "ALT" on Tumblr.)

If you click the three dots in the bottom right corner as seen above, and click "update image description:"

You can add the description you like and click "update." Your photos' alt text will show up under the "ALT" bubble on Tumblr. This is generally a good practice to get into to make your content more accessible, so I hope you guys will consider using alt text regularly :)

Also, I've noticed that in the editor, if you go back and edit something it will take some time to show up. You may have to refresh the page or load it again after some time, but your edits should be there. I would not go back and edit posts again if you see your posts haven't shown up. I also advise against editing your posts on mobile because it's easier to make a mistake.

And there you go, you've successfully made a post with the new editor!

04. TROUBLESHOOTING

I'm sure you've all been waiting for this. Unfortunately I am probably going to be extremely unhelpful if the editor hasn't been refined in the last few months for those experiencing issues. I'm going to go in the categories that I listed out in my original poll, but keep in mind that I haven't personally seen any of these issues on my end so I haven't been able to contact staff with any evidence that this happened other than my poll.

Dashboard view quality issues: I haven't noticed this issue. I'm not sure if this has been fixed since the original poll was posted. If you're experiencing this issue, this is not something I know how to fix so I would contact staff with screenshots of the issue.

Desktop theme side padding: As noted before, this is a theme issue. If you change themes to something that is NPF-compatible with original posts, there shouldn't be any more issues here.

Small gifs on mobile: In my experience this was happening regardless of what editor was used; it's a bug that seems to have been fixed since this poll was created. If you're still experiencing it, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I would advise contacting staff.

New editor doesn't accept gifs of size 9.8MB < x < 10MB: I haven't experienced this issue so I would say the only workaround would be to either trim the size of your gif so that it is under 9.8MB or whatever threshold seems to be the cutoff or contact staff (I am so sorry for constantly having to suggest this 😭 unfortunately there's no trick I can offer because the new editor has been taking all my gifs just fine)

Logistical issues ordering gifsets: I hope this guide has been able to answer the majority of questions and shed some light on some of the more buggy behaviors of the new editor, but if you have any more specific questions you can feel free to shoot me an ask!

HTML issues / colored text: Unfortunately it seems colored text may be deprecated entirely? This could be for accessibility purposes because I believe screen readers would read out every single letter of gradient text in captions which I imagine can get quite frustrating for users of this technology. I recommend just using the normal rich text editor. If you want small text, you can highlight and click the <s> button!

Other: If it seems like something I may be able to answer, please feel free to ask me. Otherwise... hound staff 😭

Here's where you can hound staff, btw. If you're having major issues I would advise you guys to submit support tickets. That way if there are any widespread bugs, staff will hopefully be able to fix them.

I hope this guide was helpful to you guys in dealing with the new editor, and happy giffing <3

[genericpuff]

From the standpoint of someone who doesn't even like LO that much. Reading through this gave me a strange sense of discomfort? I think. Something about the combination of the essays, and the digs at the author in a lot of posts, and making a community based on it, and the ranting. It made it feel a lot more group ragging on something than normal fandom re-writes. I can't help but want to say something on the subject (0/3)

Gonna respond to all your asks together if that's okay, from what I can glean there's a word limit on mobile (?) so it makes it very interesting to see who's able to put all their thoughts into one big ask vs. who has to cut them up into parts 😆

So I can understand that discomfort, it's actually one that I also initially felt towards the community when I discovered it. Though even more so because when I found out about antiLO being a thing, I was still a MASSIVE fan of LO and my thought was "wow, these people are losers" LOL but then a lot of what they were saying resonated with me more as I realized the story was going nowhere (it was around the trial arc when Eris was revealed to be the 'reason' for Persephone's wrath).

All that said, I don't think I was wrong to feel off back then even though I don't feel that way now. We have our own takes and ways of approaching certain subjects, and how we feel is how we feel.

I will say that I can't, in any way, take credit for 'creating' the community. AntiLO pre-existed me by years and I was simply welcomed in as my opinions of the comic changed. I was a lot more involved in UnpopularLoreOlympus when it was born around the S2 finale of the comic. So... don't give me any sort of credit in 'owning' this community or anything of that sort, I came in during a period when criticism of the comic was becoming more common practice. I'm just also someone who's very verbose and loud in their opinions which appeals to a lot of people in this community, so I get why people might see me as some kind of "pillar" within it or like I'm the loudest person in the room, but I promise you that doesn't mean I have any sort of ownership over this part of the fandom or that I feel my opinions carry any more weight than the people around me. It's just a community, after all, not a religion.

It's true that saying I'm not making money off Rekindled doesn't mean I'm not benefiting off it in other ways. But the 'benefits' are still kinda... nothing? in the grand scheme of things? like okay great I have loads of people reading my stuff every update but like, this is still just Tumblr lmao none of this is real and as soon as Rekindled is over, I might be lucky to bring some of the readers over into my next project, but I doubt whatever I do next will get as popular as Rekindled was. All the "benefits" I get are virtually the same as what people writing fanfiction get on AO3 get or what people doing redraw videos on Youtube get. It's fake Internet points for making fan creations.

And that's okay, because that's sorta just the nature of fandom in general, throughout any niche community. People will be naturally drawn to what's familiar and what I do here appeals to the people who are familiar with LO and the criticisms of it, often people who agree with those criticisms. The Zelda community has LinkedUniverse, Pokemon has Hanamusa, Attack on Titan has communities that are dedicated to loving the anime, hating the anime, and even dunking on people who don't 'get' the anime, Undertale has every single crazy rewrite and rewrites-of-rewrites that have been spawned from its fanbase. Did you know there's an entire community of people who discuss and argue over fire alarms? I didn't, but when I found out about it, it was after listening to a video on Youtube discussing all the interconnected drama of the fire alarm community. Like that's wild and seems so stupid and pointless... but it matters to the people who are in it, and my opinion of how they operate isn't going to change how it makes them feel to be a part of that space. That's kinda just human nature, we create our own little microcosms of things to bond over so for people within those microcosms, any amount of disagreement or discomfort will feel massive in proportion.

I guess the point of what I'm trying to say is that a lot of this stuff feels crazy loud but it's really only that loud because it's occupying a single room.

The reality is that Rekindled is still a very niche project dedicated to a niche webtoon that's a part of a niche medium. As loud as it is within here, it's still only because it's such a closed community. Anyone outside of the Webtoons community has zero clue what it is. The 'attention' that I'm getting is still from other niche people who occupy a very specific interest.

And that's not even exclusive to Rekindled, despite Webtoons attempts to sell LO as a 'worldwide phenomenon', a lot of people don't know it exists and couldn't care less. Does that mean my rantings about the comic and its creator matter any less to me or the people who are interested in them? Not really. Is it all pointless? Maybe, but not everything really needs to have some bigger point. We're all kinda just here spending time talking about something we both love and can't stand. What I say about LO and do with Rekindled is undoubtedly inconsequential and pointless to people who aren't in the room. That's fine. That's why I keep it all in my own house. There are definitely people who talk about it outside of the home but that's far from what I can control.

That said, I think LO also does fall into a very unique category where it's very easy to do rewrites and redraws of it simply because it, in and of itself, is a rewrite. Rekindled is far from being the first "fix it" fic, not only of LO but also of any piece of media in general, it's not really a new phenomenon (but again, when it's loud, it can be easy to go "well clearly YOU had to influence this"). People are drawn to retelling LO or 'fixing' it because LO is based on Greek myth. If it weren't for that, no, I don't think people would be as interested in doing so. It's because we literally have a solid foundation of reference material - the myths and original poems - that we can go "hey, why did LO do this? it should have / could have been xyz". You can't really do that as much with a purely original work besides wish fulfillment of "what if xyz happened" because whatever an original piece of work winds up being is clearly what it was meant to be. We have nothing to compare it against.

But with LO, we know what it could have been because we know what it was trying to be since day 1 - a retelling of the Abduction of Persephone. That's not to say we always knew exactly what Rachel was planning on doing with it, but it's not hard to be disappointed when we see certain mythical stories being established in LO - such as the tale of Eros and Psyche, the Titanomachy, etc. - only to see them get dropped or completely mishandled.

On the one hand I could use HADES and Stray Gods as examples of popular media that don't get 'rewritten' the same way LO does because while they have their own unique interpretations of the myths they're based on, they still feel like properly thought out stories that appreciate the source material. LO, by comparison, feels like it's written by someone who hates Greek myth.

But on the other hand, those rewrites may absolutely exist and I'm just not aware of them because I don't occupy those rooms! The world is only as big as we perceive it to be.

That said, it's always sort of ironic to me when people say Rekindled is "riding off the coattails of LO" because while I can understand their sentiment - because obviously it's a direct re-creation of LO - that opinion seems to operating from the assumption that LO was ever not riding off Greek myth's coattails to begin with.

And no, I don't think my criticizing of LO on an LO-focused blog should in any way be conflated with "media isn't allowed to be bad". I've said this before and I'll say it again, I'm into loads of bad media. I'm also fully capable of enjoying a piece of media but also shit-talking it without actually feeling any sort of vitriol towards it. House M.D. is one of my favorite TV shows but goddamn some of the plots are just so dramatic and out-of-this-world that you can't help but laugh at them (and that's why we have spaces like /r/okaybuddyvicodin LOL). One of my favorite games growing up was Starfox Adventures because I had never played the original Starfox games but I had played loads of Zelda and Adventures was basically Zelda but with Starfox, and I know there are plenty of people who will go "but puff, that game is ass!" and I know! But I love it regardless.

With LO, it's not a matter of "bad media shouldn't exist!" it's a matter of observing what makes it so bad and why that's had a negative impact on both the audience it attracts (primarily teenagers and children) as well as the culture it's taking its ideas from. If LO was just some "so bad its good" webtoon that was easy to enjoy but also poke fun at, I would have zero issue. It's the fact that it's blatantly problematic in its writing and intentions but still hailed as the #1 webtoon on the platform (webtoons in and of themselves being a medium that I've lived in for over a decade so it's virtually impossible to get away from whatever is influencing the culture as a whole) while winning all these accolades for being "brilliantly written" and its creator is given a voice over Greek culture when she herself is not Greek or even well-read on Greek culture in any capacity - that's the issue and why I've spent so much time talking about LO. And if it wasn't me, it would be anyone else, because the problem has been around for ages and people have been trying to get the word out about it for years.

I don't necessarily think every 'fix it fic' is built equally. I think it's a case by case thing. A lot of people are deadass just doing it for fun and to be a part of a community, and I think that's wonderful. There are also people who try to do this but ultimately disrespect whatever the creator was going for by somehow implying that their own original ideas were inferior just by existing, or using their fix-it fics as a way to deliberately harass the original creators (ex. whatever the fuck 'art lore' is on TikTok, based on what I've seen it seems purely made for bullying budding artists and talking shit which is... gross af, but I don't think it's anywhere near the same as readers of LO calling out its highly successful award-winning creator for having zero clue what she's doing with her comic lmao). I don't think a blanket statement of "fix it fics are bad" accomplishes anything because it depends on a variety of factors like the person's intentions and what they're trying to accomplish. Many fanfictions in general could be called 'fix it fics' even if the creator 100% loved the source material with zero issue - because they're still saying "what if xyz happened instead"?

Me, personally? I'm someone who loves Greek myth and who used to adore LO. I was very discouraged and upset when I saw it turned into what it became, and I wanted to try my own hand at creating something new out of the rubble that could give me closure. It's what I choose to do with my time and other people seem to enjoy it as well. I'm sure there's loads to criticize and speculate on regarding my 'intentions' in creating it, but at the end of the day I'm sorta just doing what I want to do with my time because I have a lot of thoughts and ideas I need to get out of my head and many of them are thoughts and ideas that other people like reading about.

If you feel uncomfortable by the amount I talk about it here and the way I talk about it, that's fine. Those are your feelings. There are loads of other antiLO-themed blogs to read that might not give you that same vibe. Even I have certain icks towards certain opinions within the antiLO community, I've seen some people be genuinely shitty and I'm sure that's ironic to hear considering you're describing your own discomfort towards my stuff, but we all have different tolerances towards different things at the end of the day.

I do my part to keep things in my own house of a neighborhood that's really small in the grand scheme of things. It just feels like a big neighborhood if you don't travel. There will inevitably come a day where I'll pack my boxes and move elsewhere, talk about new things and write essays about other topics. That's obviously not today but I definitely don't want this to just be like, my entire identity or the rest of my life LOL it's just something I've chosen to spend my free time doing and I'm content with that. Maybe a year from now I'll feel differently, who knows? At the very least I'm hoping to one day finish Rekindled because no, I don't want this to actually be my identity for the rest of my life, change is a good thing LOL but what that change will bring is, for now, a mystery. Here's hoping wherever I end up at least brings its own uniquely good times like I've had here :' )

Sorry, that was a very long response with a lot of sorta aimless muddling over the topic at hand, but thank you for the opportunity to discuss it regardless ! because I do think it's important to find that 'grounding point' when it comes to stuff like this. because as much as I get riled up over LO, yeah, at the end of the day, it's just a dumb webtoon and I don't wanna go soiling myself over it LOL but I'm also just like... running a Tumblr blog with my personal thoughts and ideas, no more or no less. Even the "attention" I get is still only 200-400 notes per new episode of Rekindled, which pales in comparison to any real metrics of "success" imo LMAO again, it just feels loud because this is a niche community made up of a lot of the same names and faces; step outside of it and no one gives a shit LOL

[tralalalalally]

Some sketches of headcanons for Maedhros' body-type, tattoos, and scars.

I will give a warning for talk on poor mental and physical health before my notes:

. His body-type in particular is something he specifically works for - before Thangorodrim I think he had the more stereotypical elf-prince body (his mother-name is "well-formed", yes?) - something classically desireable. After his capture, the mix of starvation and hard physical labour made him unhealthily lean. After being rescued he was able to build up body fat again, but instead of regaining his old body he works for this new one. Something undeniably strong, untouchable, a warriors body further exaggerated. Not only does he want to distance himself from the perfection of the old him, he wants to make sure noone looking at him could see him as weak. I doubt he'd remember at least the first few months after his rescue well, but from what he does, he feels ashamed. Hiding, cowing away in fear like a child, striking out at those trying to help, revealing far too much of his trauma from the enemy. Emotion becomes a weakness to him, and he learns to control that, but then as he heals further he seeks control over his body too. I think he might eventually see himself - both body and soul - like a project similar to the construction and ruling of Himring. Especially I imagine a disconnect from his body - it is something to be built up, made strong and impenetrable, anything to not be harmed and tormented again.

. The most important scars for my headcanon (other than his missing hand of course) are the brand on his shoulder and the whip marks on his back. The brand effects him the most, and is something he covers as much as possible. None would know about it other than Findekano, Makalaure, and a few healers. Unfortunately due to it being raised, it cannot be tattooed over (nor do I think he'd be able to sit through any tattoos). I am thinking of designing some type of clothing that would essentially be part of his underwear, something that would keep it covered as often as possible - goes over the shoulder, wrapping around his body to beneath the right arm pit?

For the whip scars - when first brought to Thangorodrim he would sometimes be put to work with the other thralls. This was meant to be demoralising, the thralls seeing their prince/king reduced to this, and to show Maedhros how much had been taken from him. Of course the scars healed poorly and were often infected (I think with the brand, it may have been purposefully aggravated to make the scarring worse), though due to his positioning he got enough medical care to keep him alive. Now that he is free they still give him trouble - mobility issues from ones that cut into muscle, and the scarring itself makes the flesh stiff and less flexible. There is also a lack of feeling for most of the area.

. Tattoos - I honestly don't have any real sure designs or positioning fro them. My main thought was the vision of a tattoo of the 8 pointed star, broken up and faded due to scarring caused at Thangorodrim. You can still tell what the tattoo is of, but it has undeniably been damaged. I think I'd like to design for him a large back tattoo - star of Feanor in the middle, with other references surrounding it. Then, of course, the whip scars on top.

(Ah, and for body hair: I imagine elves can grow it, just usually not as thick. I think I remember reading that some can grow beards in old age? (As with Cirdan), so why not the same for body hair lol. I mean, humans also only get most after puberty)

[fandom-hoarder]

Ok, so I got an ask for mutual aid. Of course, it's human to want to help someone in need, even if all you can do is reblog their post. But you also don't want to be scammed, or help spread a scam. So you look for clues, or you only reblog your mutuals' aid posts because you at least know they're *real*, or you don't reblog aid posts at all.

So, what are the tells? (I'm not an expert, this is just what I've learned through osmosis.)

Do they follow/interact with you, outside of the mutual aid request?

Is their username weirdly generic?

Does the blog look like a real tumblr user, and not just someone who made a tumblr to ask for aid? How old is it? Is it involved in any fandoms? Does it seem staged?

Does their aid ask and needs description make sense? Is it overly vague, or bogged down with unneeded details?

If you quote-search the body of their aid ask, do you get any similar hits for scams on other sites or under other names?

Does the account for donations look legit?

What do you find when you reverse image search?

So, having received an ask that sounded very much like someone whose mutual aid I would want to support if they're real, but already having two red flags from the jump (not following me and not in my notifications, weird wording and grammar on ask), I endeavored to suss them out.

Screencaps of my adventure under the cut.

Like someone else has said, please don't go harrass this blog. Even if it's a scam, at some point there's a person behind that screen.

So here's the ask.

Red flags: they don't follow me, I don't know them, the ask is long, the grammar and punctuation are bad, word choices are odd or misspelled. These don't mean it's automatically fake, but it looks more like a weird AI than someone using google translate to communicate in English.

So I check their blog.

Their pinned post is this (click to read, it's a longass pic):

I don't take any links yet.

I take a block of their post and check it in google; all I get are snapshots of tumblr reblogs for their aid post. I click the "buy me a coffee" link, and it looks...idk, fine I guess. There's a tumblr logo, but clicking it seems to do nothing. (I'm on mobile)

A quick search of their name on tumblr gives me 2 posts mentioning them spamming this same message to people.

I read the one with the readmore linked here

After reading wannursyafiqah74's post about it, I got on my laptop and went back to casualdonutfire.

Mostly random reblogs; cats and other random reblogs of mostly pics, many with comments that could've/should've been tags, and no actual tags whatsoever. Like set dressing that says, "See? I'm a real person! I'm leaving comments about my reblogs that show I'm not a bot! I interact! I know what I'm I'm reblogging!"

It gives me a creepy vibe. I try google again to see if I can find their presence elsewhere on tumblr. The returns are still all snapshots of their mutual aid post. I open their archive. Ok, their tumblr has archive on...?

There are no fandom-esque posts until the very first reblog, a comment on One Piece fanart on October 18, 2023.

Their first post about needing aid was on November 7, 2023. Nearly the same wording as their pinned post, except they don't mention having a child. Zero specifics on what amount is needed for what or a timeline or anything. Not even anything about Christmas coming up. Tagged generously for trans surgery and other visibility words.

Oh. AND. The buymeacoffee is different. Adela, not Adella.

Then their next post for aid is fresh on January 11, 2024; nearly the same wording, except now there's a daughter and a birthday -- no date for the birthday, though, is there?!

[reblog linked here] If you go to their January 12th reblog and click on the "video proof," it's an audio-only black screen upload to imgur, with no identifying info for what's going on other than what they describe (and it doesn't really sound like what they describe; it sounds like a kid ready for christmas but not disappointed, like idk what more you're supposed to get out of it)

Then I clicked on their buymeacoffee link and noticed something. When I hovered my mouse over the tumblr symbol under their blurb, the link embedded there showed up at the bottom of my screen. And it was NOT casualdonutfire.

It was deepeagletimetravel. And, of course, it's a nuked tumblr. Hence doing NOTHING for me on mobile.

So I went to google again!

And lo, what do I find in those lurking reblogs?

ANOTHER MUTUAL AID POST IN EVERYONE'S REBLOGS. WITH A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSONA AND STORY. BUT THE SAME WALL OF TEXT + BAD PUNCTUATION STYLE

Using a stock photo for their initial "bio" that seems awfully misleading when you don't say it's a stock photo.

And with stolen/uncredited art by thetransformistress as a thank you.

And, of course, the buymeacoffee page it linked for Ameera (buymeacoffee.com/AmeeradelzC) is blank. 👀 Totallynormal, nothing to see here.

But this makes me think. I go back to that Nov 7 casualdonutfire post, with their first buymeacoffee link to "Adela" (buymeacoffee.com/adelladomil)--

and what do ya know, the tumblr that opens is casualdonutfire!

So did they forget they made an adela account, and change their ameera buymeacoffee account to adella for their new post, forgetting to change the deepeagletimetravel tumblr name?! 🤷‍♀️

[androdragynous]

tell me something about your art. fucking love the recent sharp angles.

thank you for giving me an excuse to ramble I love you. kiss

this is going to be a long post but I think it's important so I'm leaving it as a normal post and not a read more

I wrote more words and changed my mind because I got distracted a bunch of times by talking to myself. Enjoy

my own works in general have always been like. The Way By Which I Interact With The World which I think is a pretty common artist experience. my fan art tended to focus on my own characters in those settings rather than on the existing characters because of that, to my younger self's chagrin at times (the desire to Appeal To Fandom was much stronger in my younger years, which I think is also pretty typical). so there was always that lens of, like, these characters aren't me, but they could have been, in some way, or at least when viewed at certain angles. first guy is dealing with the same shit, second guy is doing some gender stuff baby me won't unpack for another five years, you get the idea.

and then the whole disability thing ramped up a few notches and everything went to shit, which is to say, for a really long time there I couldn't so much as look at art without pain, let alone long enough to create it. I did not have the tools to accomodate that disability or the finances to get them, and so for a really long time I was basically cut off from... what honestly felt like my ability to connect with people.

this sucked very badly in many ways. it's still not back to where it was before things got worse, but I'm happy with where it's been recently. I don't know how much of that is connected to getting a blood transfusion and the affiliated correction to my quantity of blood. I don't know how much of it is just pure desperation to reconnect with a world that I feel estranged from. We will come back to this point because I have a different tangent first:

I really don't like vent art. I don't like making it, I don't like posting it, and I don't like seeing it. I understand why people make it - I understand why I do - but there's a very harsh rawness to it that feels inappropriate as a viewer. It's voyeuristic; it's a look into something incredibly deeply personal hurt and an equally deep and genuine desire to have that hurt seen, validified, comforted.

I do not think vent art is bad to create or share, to be clear. The fact it makes me uncomfortable does not illegitimize it. Could honestly strengthen its reason for existing, to be quite honest.

The line blurs with disability, though, and this is where we come back to the original tangent, because to talk about disability that cannot be cured will innately be seen as venting. It's basically inevitable, in my experience. You're supposed to want to get better. You're supposed to hate existing like this. So if you mention it, to people who haven't either been in the same boat or who haven't taken the time to work through their own baggage about it, it's innately a vent. It's innately a hurt that you're burdening them with, a hurt that you want recognized and helped. My family members have been particularly bad about this viewpoint, but so have friends and medical professionals. So have strangers. I find it akin to arguments against gay public displays of affection; two men holding hands is sexual, using a mobility aid is pitiable. You get me? There's that innate sense that you, as the person watching a disabled person be disabled, should be feeling something about it, and if it's not inspiration porn, obviously you're meant to be sad. If it wasn't clear, this is the description of a train of thought that I believe is entirely incorrect.

Anyways. So disability art ends up grouped as vent art if you talk about it sucking at all, even if the suck is about the barriers presented by society and not the disability itself. I can, of course, only speak for my own experience, which is what this post is about, so my situation is very much barriers-focused.

People really, really aren't good at dealing with the discomfort part, what I detailed as the emotions I feel around vent art. People don't know what to do when you don't want help, or their help doesn't help (for whatever reason), or basically in any situation where you can't actually fix things, which is a lot of Being Disabled. It's hard to sit with that discomfort, especially when it's about a person's vulnerability. People want to help others, generally, in my experience, and it's difficult to not be able to when it's someone you care about.

Which all ties back into the voyeurism; to be visibly disabled is to be a spectacle. This has also been pretty inevitable, in my experience. Being in a wheelchair draws attention. Using a cane draws attention. Wearing an eye patch draws attention. So on and so forth. Sometimes this is great - people will offer their chairs to me sometimes if I'm using my cane, for example, which I appreciate - and sometimes it is less great.

This ties in, for me, with the part people REALLY don't like talking about, which is sex and sexuality. How do you date when you can't go out to many places? How do you get to know someone when you live with others and can't invite them over? How do you look sexy when you feel and kind of look like a corpse? These are all questions I'd love to know the answers to, because I'm shit out of luck on figuring it out so far, and that's not even touching on the actual sex, because I don't want to get this post filtered if I can help it. There's a balance, right, of being visible on purpose by flirting, dressing up, going out, making an impact, that is both directly overlapping with and directly opposed to the inevitable visibility of visible disability. They juxtapose magnificently, in a kind of sun and moon during an eclipse sort of way, you get me? You have to lean into it. You have to make yourself comfortable in that visibility because it's inevitable, and you are going to inevitably be viewed as a spectacle because you've leaned into it, and you're never going to be viewed as sexual because nobody will ever distinguish that there are two kinds of visibility being done, here.

And THAT I think is where my art is at right now, trying to convey that overlap. I do not think I have been subtle about it - it's loud colors, sharp lines, layers of vandalism over the original draft, a kind of intentional obscuration that implies many others were drawn to leave their mark there. You know? But because of What It Is, I do think it causes discomfort in the overlap. It's supposed to. It's inevitable that it would. I think being disabled is overtly sexual in the way being gay is overtly sexual in the way being trans is overtly sexual, in that none of them are but none of them aren't, either, in the right contexts or the wrong ones. People are going to see you exist and come to their own conclusions about how wrong you must feel in existing, and they will be made uncomfortable by that perception, and they will want to fix you. You have to accept that or you have to be uncomfortable right back. There's not really a third option that keeps you alive. This is all connected to the art, because the art is also inherently sexual, for approximately the same reasons.

So the tldr is "op is it weird if I think this is hot" is both the intended response and yes, it is weird, and you have to sit with the fact that both of those are true and you have to be normal about it for the rest of your life forever, and also you should take that knowledge and get weirder about it. It's a complex system. I also may have described none of it. Good luck.

[blackholemojis]

u have made posts telling about your aac you use... would u b willing to share images of how you have it set up and maybe give tips for people working on making their own aac?

I would love to but I think it may give away my anonymity, since I like to share pictures of my different pages. I can share some details and organizing tips though! This isn't anything comprehensive, I think I'd need to spend a lot more time on that, but hopefully this is helpful for someone. For context, I use TD Snap Lite :)

I'll include a list of different word categories at the bottom under the cut, so if you're looking for types of words to focus on, you can skip to there!

Organization part 1

I keep all my commonly used words and folders for other words on my quickfires page, starting with basic communication words (yes/no, who/what/where, etc) and folders (conversation phrases, short responses, nouns, verbs, etc).

Then I have commonly used descriptors, connector words, actions, and nouns. All these are broad words like "thing" or "person," "and" or "because," and "go" and "fix." Even if I didn't have a button for a specific concept, I would still be able to describe it, like "the thing that is mine."

I organize the different buttons in rows on the same page, and try to group similar words together, that way I can find them easily.

I started with buttons for different bADLs (basic activities of daily living), which are bathing, dressing, grooming/hygiene, eating, toileting, and transferring/movement. Then I went to activities that I do every day, like studying, doing housework, or watching TV.

The idea is that I would be able to get through a whole day and be able to describe what I want, what I need, my activities, and what I don't want or need (the ability to say no is important, even for little things!)

Organization part 2

What words I have is important, but so is how I make sure I can find them easily. With TD Snap you can give buttons custom colors and custom border colors, so I use those to organize types of words, and types within those types (so verbs versus nouns, and then people-nouns versus object-nouns)

I also put the most commonly used words towards the right side of the screen, since I'm right handed and that means they'll be easiest to access.

I try to use pastels so I can read the labels, and I edit the text size of all buttons so I can see the symbol and label well. With descriptors, I try to group similar ones together, and group ones that have "opposites" either right next to each other or one above the other (words like up and down, or inside and outside).

Finding gaps

The easiest way for me to figure out what buttons I'm missing is by using my AAC when I'm near full spoons and can think about language well, like now. That way I know what I'm missing, and I can make a button and organize it in the moment without it taking much energy. Usually I'm missing different categories of words, like colors, or words to describe time.

Here's a bunch of word categories under the cut, starting with "essentials" and then moving on to common non-essentials! Feel free to ask me to include any other ideas

BADLs

Bathing (shower, bath, sponge bath, and related words you use for bathing)

Dressing (getting dressed, getting undressed, picking out clothes, words for different types of clothes)

Grooming/hygiene (brushing teeth, flossing teeth, brushing/combing hair, trimming hair, dyeing hair, cleaning piercings, washing face, shaving, makeup)

Eating/drinking (breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack, meal, types of food you eat, spoon, fork, knife, chopstick, bowl, plate, mug, water, warm beverages, napkins, and any other words you use for eating/drinking)

Toileting (bathroom, stall, toilet, sink, washing hands, soap, toilet paper, menstrual products, changing toileting equipment, and any other words)

Transferring/Movement (any mobility aids you use, transferring to/from mobility aids, terms for your aids, walk, run, jog. I included transportation words like "drive" and "car" in my section for this, but that's not necessary)

Essential communication

Yes (and variations)

No (and variations)

Maybe

Something else

I don't know

I need

I don't need

I want

I don't want

options for basic needs, so you can say "I need" and "use the bathroom" (eating, drinking, sleeping, waking, showering/bathing, using the bathroom, dental care, hair care, getting dressed, getting undressed, changing menstrual products, changing medical equipment, and transferring to/from mobility aids)

I consent

I do not consent

I revoke consent

Leave

Stay

Help

Fringe vocabulary for everyday activities and emergencies

Emergency words/phrases (I need a doctor, etc)

Personal info (name, age, etc)

Disability/mental health/medical terms that apply to you

Parts of the body

Types of injury/medical issues

Places you go

People you live with

People you interact with often

Pets names

Neighbors names

Carer or staff name(s)

Important belongings and things you use every day

Everyday hobbies (bike, watch show, etc)

Everyday to-do list activities (do laundry, shower, etc)

Action words (things one can do)

Common nouns (persons, places, things, and ideas)

Connector words (and, to, since, etc)

Feelings (positive, neutral, and negative)

Descriptor words

Colors

Direction

Size

Shape

Days of the week

Months

Seasons

Numbers

Describing amount (some, many, a little, few, all, none)

Describing time (then, now, before, after)

Temperature

Weather

Difficulty

Age

Texture

Personal opinion descriptors (nasty, beautiful, boring)

[omgkalyppso]

So I really enjoyed the Orc Heritage Armour questline. After getting into dragonflight and Alexstrasza, Kalecgos and Khadgar kind of acting like they'd never met Borgakh (again), being welcomed and greeted by Thrall / Go'el and his family was so fucking delightful.

I'm going to post the screenshots from the final cutscene first and then a few more things with commentary below the cut.

-

Be warned it's long. You can press J to skip it on desktop if you open and change your mind.

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Tbh, having not played dragonflight I thought they were about to throw Eitrigg into the Nathanos role and this was going to be related to world quests. I'm glad it wasn't. Eitrigg's history makes me uncomfortable.

I care them.

While I kind of wish they'd let Drek'thar cast from his wheelchair, it's also interesting to think of him having some mobility.

I know some people really don't like Aggra, but I have and do, and I found this delightful. A circle completed.

All the little moments with Durak were very sweet. Very grounding after other story elements in the main plot have gotten so convoluted and absurd.

Thank you, Rexxar, for also recognizing a title (Huntmaster). I was really thrown when Khadgar was back to calling you Adventurer and not either Champion, Hero, or My Friend — too open ended for people new to the game!! ^^;

I go back and forth with the Countess from the Court of Harvesters and Huntmaster titles when I run around with Borgakh because while I still hate shadowlands for what it did to the various in game religions (and the orcs especially since I'm biased) I think these titles would mean a lot to her. To be acknowledged and given the promise of authority / contribution / significance wrt Countess, and to be acknowledged by her peers wrt Huntmaster, which is also tied up in my favorite expansion and all the seeds of Horde and Alliance working to a better future together.

When it came to choosing a clan, I imagined Borgakh sharing a look with Aggra about how it was "obvious" that now, given the choice, that she would follow Thrall / Go'el anywhere. But unlike how it presents the player character as having never belonged to a clan, Borgakh has been for Years, headcanoned as part of the Warsong clan. I felt it added depth and weight to her struggles.

And then not only did Thrall / Go'el have The Weakest pitch for joining his clan (undoubtedly because they knew he and the Frost Wolves were going to sweep anyway), but I got to the choice screen and imagined the question for Borgakh as being, "But would I give up a core part of my identity for you?"

She is still part of his Horde, and she would die for him and his family, but I decided to keep her a member of the Warsong clan.

Borgakh has had maxed cooking in this game for like, ever. And that the final trial was to prepare a meal as an offering for her ancestors was something I really enjoyed. That the cookbook included a spicy as hell recipe from the Warsong was a bonus and reaffirmed my enjoyment of maintaining her membership with her clan.

I really appreciated this. After shadowlands? Bring me back to the uncertainty and faith of the past wrt what happens after death and the peace and connection with those lost and those who remain.

That this quest began with the premise that the orcs felt disconnected from each other and their culture and clans and this gathering and a new ceremony to replace the old coming of age ones that an orc could take part in regardless of age was very sweet. I have so many more screenshots of all the smaller npc's and things they've said in case I want to revisit it either for myself or for fic writing in the future. Loved it.

Thank you if you read my rambling.

[sillydumbdoll]

Hey pretty dolly, just wanted to say I've been thinking about how cute it would be if you were to try some self-bondage. Of course you being a good, clever little doll, you'd make sure as a safety net you'd have someone coming over that wouldn't know about it all, but could still release you if you got stuck.

But that would be so unlikely, with the simple tie you were planning. Just a pretty outfit, basic hogtie with some cuffs, and your wand on the bed to push yourself against for an orgasm or several.

With your friend scheduled to meet you for 6, you'd leave the door unlocked in case they needed to let themselves in, and you'd begin to tie. 1.5hrs to tie and release yourself, then get cleaned up; plenty of time.

But then things would start going wrong. Running out of rope when you were almost done, putting the gag on too loosely so that it fell out. You'd be so flustered by the time you finally got yourself bound and restricted, you'd be so in need of an orgasm. You'd finally push yourself onto your wand and feel like you were approaching the edge so quickly, the pleasure almost overwhelming. You'd relax, getting ready for the first of several orgasms, when your leg would tug on the cord, pulling it from the wall and making your wand stop immediately, leaving you teetering on the edge. If you moved a muscle, you'd tip yourself over but probably ruin the orgasm, so instead you'll just have to uncuff yourself and fix the vibe.

Only the key doesn't quite fit into the lock. But you're sure you grabbed the right key for this pair of cuffs. Frantically you try again, but it doesn't matter how many times you try. That wasn't your only backup though, you've practiced slipping the ropes down your body so you can get more mobility, but when you try it the ropes tied in haste are far tighter than you remember from your practice.

With a racing heart that has everything to do with your near-orgasm, you struggle, but every movement just pulls on the rope between your thighs. You can't tell if you're struggling to free yourself, or struggling to pull on the rope enough for an orgasm. Either way you feel like you could cum at any moment if only you could get a little more stimulation.

You're soaked by the time you hear the door open and your friend's voice call out "Dolly, you'll have to tell me what you think of this outfit. It's a little daring but I love how powerful-"

Her voice cuts off as she enters the room and you look over to see your usually sweet friend in a tight black dress with a plunging neckline. Tall thin heels and a pendant hanging down to her cleavage make your heart skip yet another beat and you feel like you might cum on the spot. A wicked smile crosses her face and her voice takes on an almost crooning tone. "Well, I have always wanted a dolly to play with, and you look like that's exactly what you need too. Am I right?". You hesitate, but the needy whine comes out before you can stop it, and you blush as you nod your head with wide eyes.

You don't make your dinner plans, nor do you get your orgasm, but somehow there isn't a thought of regret in your mind. Or any thoughts for that matter, just a dumb little dolly. ❤️

I came so hard to this also read it like a million times….

…. Who wants to be the friend? 🫣😖

[summertimemusician]

Linktober (Shadow) 2023

Spirit

Welp turns out my exam season throughly steam rolled through my general Linktober plans, so you get this VERY late thing for now folks who find this, at least until I decide whether to continue this until I finish it even though it's no longer Linktober or if I'll make whatever other stories come later their own thing after exam season is over (mostly because the original for this one is my preferred draft, and that I feel the one for the Link/Dark Link prompt would be kind of wasted if it just sat there collecting dust cause I worked hard on the tension and horror there lord darn it, along with a few others mainly involving Fae Hyrule, Twilight, Time, First, among other Links like Legend, Sky, Warriors, just all of the boys, I wanted to give them all proper spotlight and still want to do that in any way I can). Welp. *Downs coffee like a shot* Also really need to find out how to make a Masterlist on mobile, figure out how AO3 works and answer asks.

Anyway, not really any warnings this time besides Reader Not Being Okay (par the course really) and angst.

As always can be read as either romantic or platonic, Reader is gender neutral on purpose, technically is meant to be read as either Hero's Shade Time x Reader or First x Reader mainly, but you can interpret it as any Link really lol

Good reading!

This corner of Faron Woods was quiet this time of year.

The woods were solemn in this Hyrule, the sliver of moonlight barely enough of a guide through the mist, it was silent but for the soft padding of animals through the underbrush and the howl of a wolf in the distance (not Wolfie's, not musical enough). The stars were your only company as you were separated from the group, the air was cold agaisnt your skin as you attempted to find your way.

Being alone in the forests of Hyrule never spelled anything good for anyone, but as you felt the brush of a hand tenderly twined in yours, the ghost of leather and the faint clinking of steel, and a faint glow of pale gold and ivory cutting through the veil of the night, mindful of roots you may trip onto and never flickering too far out of sight you couldn't feel safer, even  if instead something like melancholy threatened to lock your throat with the chains of silence, you felt as warm as the soft twilight glow and as frigid as ice, frostburned with the bitter cold of your own warring emotions.

You can't help but chuckle a bit whille holding a old scabbard close to your heart, it's a wry sound, "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

There is no answer, of course there isn't, but you don't mind, you know he'll listen, thorns wrap around your heart and crawl up your throat, the smell of lilies and steel coats and sticks in your throat like honey, or maybe blood, "... I didn't think you'd show up, you know? I always considered the possibility but..." You trail off, you feel something brush your side, you can only see him in the corner of your eyes or with a passing glance, there but not, existing but gone, so you keep your eyes on the road and in the flicker of light, so you carefully don't look to your side, you don't think you could contain the shaking in your heart otherwise, to stare at inevitability and prophecy, "... I know, I know you're fine. At least for now, I apologize for all the trouble I gave you."

'It's alright. It could never be a hardship aiding you.', the voice echoes in your ears, and you swallow thickly, breath hitching, the warmth of the sun in the fields of Hyrule, the wind caressing your hair, the song of the animals in Faron Woods, someone holding you carefully, fondly. The warmth of your hand in his. Not really here, but not gone either, more feeling than true echo.

You chuckle, and try to pretend it's not a bit breathless, something like a wounded keen, "... You're too kind. Too, too kind, thank you."

Spirits in Hyrule never spell anything good, in this wild land of light and shadow in a gestalt of divinity. There are some exceptions though, even if it hurts to witness then. So you follow him through the dark, certain that as you've guided his way once, he'll lead you now to where you need to go.

----------------------------------------------------------

... The clearing he leads you to is open, but by no means truly quiet among the trees, there is no peace to be found for the armored skeleton here. You choke on sorrow, on unfinished business, on the cruelty of being brought to ruin and being denied peace, and you stumble towards the familiar figure, almost in a trance as your vision blurs, roots and thorny vines wrap over rusted armor and a thorn cape, the skeleton's void sockets piercing through your soul, illuminated by the solemn gaze of the wretched moon and it's uncaring maids of honor in the stars.

You fall to your knees near the decaying skeleton, biting back against the wounded sound that attempts to leave your throat with enough strenght to bleed, you lay the scabbard by his side with a bouquet of lilies and shiver at the gentle, phantom touch, so soft, so loving it almost leads you to ruin all over again.

'... It's foolish to grieve for someone who isn't gone yet.' the thought comes to you, yet you can't help it. You still hurt for him, you still hold onto the fury at the heavens themselves for denying them quietus. For denying them rest over and over and over again. To watch this cycle and be helpless to stop it all due to the will of uncaring gods.

Alive. Dead. Alive. Dead. Denied full rest over and over again, to watch the chance at rest to the kindest of souls found in this world you found yourself in.

You barely register the touch to your cheek, ephemeral as it is, as you can't help but shed tears, can't help but grieve. Because if you don't, who will?

You know by now that some wounds can never heal, some rifts can never be mended. Even with the guarantee of cyclic, eternal rebirth, some things never return to how they were. And reminding yourself of this inevitability to them will never not hurt, even if you know it's futile to blame anyone but the one god who started this, and maybe the goddess who stood complacent to it. It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth that it'll one day come to this, that the frost of death and the sharpness of pain will leave a mark the sands of time can't scar over.

You reach a trembling hand towards the one in your cheek, try to find catharsis in the remains of decayed, dead yet ever eternal, ever growing love. And you breathe.

'We'll meet again. So do not mourn for me, please.'

You don't think you could deny him if you tried. Not when you know he's trying to soothe you, to thaw your sorrow. To allow your heart's healing to fallow.

"We will, I know. I'm sorry for making you worry." You chuckle, leaning into the cold, trying to brand the memory of the shadowed, but not gone love given to you so you can return it in kind. Just until you meet again, just until you can give all you can to his not yet decomposing self, grasping onto what remains of him, "I love you."

'I love you too. Until we meet again.'

The cold is gone, the echo of love leaves. And you breathe, and pretend you don't feel empty.

(When you see Link again, reuniting with the Chain on the next day's twilight. You hug him as tight as you can, and hope you he doesn't notice the tears in your eyes. And that you don't feel the lingering traces of a frigid embrace.

When no one is looking, you wave goodbye to the shade. And pray he dreams of warmer days until he finds quietus.)

[iwaoiness]

Tooru's love life

Oikawa has become a public figure whose name has gone around the world. He has been featured in a multitude of magazines, both sports and fashion. He has appeared on various talk shows and participated in some entertainment programmes. He is the new face of Nike and every week he promotes world-renowned brands on his Instagram account (with almost 9M followers). On TikTok (with more than 6M followers) he usually shows his daily life and joins the funniest and most extravagant trends.

He is charismatic, intelligent, flirtatious and charming, and journalists are dying to get the tiniest tidbit of information about his private life, especially his love life, because Oikawa Tooru, despite everything, has learned very well (too well, in fact) how to dodge questions about his non-professional life, which he wants to keep under lock and key. The only thing that is known for sure is that he is originally from Miyagi and studied at Aoba Johsai, otherwise everything is a mystery (in fact, they tried to interview some of his former classmates, unfortunately running into Mattsun and Makki whose answers were a repertoire of "maybe yes", "maybe no", "I don't know", "who knows", "will this go live?", "Oikawa likes milk bread although he doesn't tolerate lactose, isn't it funny?"

But one day everything explodes.

Oikawa's name becomes a worldwide trending topic for weeks, millions of his fans flood the social networks with screenshots and kilometric threads, gossip magazine journalists go crazy camping outside the luxury flat block where Oikawa lives to corner him and bombard him with questions, his manager (who is torn between asking for a pay rise or an early retirement despite his 30 years old) tries to control and defuse the situation.

And the reason is his new TikTok video, with the black and white filter, where he appears lying face down on his king-size bed, recording his reflection in the room's wide mirror. Behind him, with his head resting on his bare back, is Iwaizumi Hajime, gently and slowly caressing his back, alternating those caresses with small kisses on his skin.

A song plays in the background for the first seven seconds until Tooru speaks and a soft Hajime comes from his lips. Iwaizumi lifts his head and, when he sees Oikawa with his mobile pointed at the mirror, he looks at the reflection of both and smiles (the playful, lopsided smile that turns on Oikawa as fuck) before winking. His hand, always firm and warm against Tooru's skin, slowly descends further down, his fingers tracing over the bare skin until they reach his nike sports shorts, caressing the fabric of the garment before his hand opens and wraps around his ass.

And there the video cuts off and starts again. In the caption, it reads: upss hehe (ノ≧▽° )ノ

Days later, when everything is still on fire, Matsukawa and Hanamaki are (surprisingly) called again to be interviewed by a young intern (judging by his dark circles under his eyes, the dried coffee stain on his pants and the endearing stammering in his questions) for a program about celebrity scandals to be aired later. This time, however, they decide to be more benevolent and Issei and Hiro look directly into the camera, with an aura of mystery and secrecy.

"Well, Tsubaki-kun"

"I-it's Subaru, Matsukawa-san."

"Well, Subaru-kun, you're in luck, we actually came with the intention of bringing a very, very important exclusive."

"R-Really?" Subaru blinks, incredulous as Makki nods energetically.

"It's something that even Oikawa himself isn't aware of, right, Issei?"

"Totally, Hiro. Are you ready, Subaru-kun, ready to know the truth and only the truth?"

Both, Subaru and the silent cameraman, nod their heads, totally expectant of what two of the people closest to Oikawa-senshu may finally reveal.

"Well, here we go, Hiro. Do the honors, you're the best at this."

"You flatter me, honey, it will be my pleasure." Makki clears his throat, cricks his fingers, exhales and inhales deeply, squares his shoulders, settles back on his seat and finally opens his mouth to say "Did you know that Oikawa Tooru is dating Iwaizumi Hajime and, exactly five days ago, Oikawa uploaded a TikTok (very un-family-friendy if you ask me) where he confirms their relationship? It's scandalous, right? I'm sure no one saw that video, but know that it exists."

That same night, during the weekly video call shared by the four former Seijoh members, Tooru's ramen comes out of his nose in a fit of laughter and Iwaizumi is unable to control his when Mattsun and Makki recount how they were banned again for the rest of their lives from (now) eight TV stations and two radio stations.

[endcrman]

Allostasis

(Chapter 3)

As a general rule of thumb, Grian doesn’t do public servers for a multitude of reasons. This one hadn’t even made it onto the list.

TW for implied sexual assault, PTSD symptoms, and Self-Neglect

(This is a comfort chapter in the hurt/comfort fic)

Read the whole fic here. (Here for Ao3/mobile.)

-

Panic enveloped him first, before anything else.

He was surrounded by water, he realized, unable to stop himself from gasping, liquid rushing to fill his lungs. His eyes shot open, stinging from whatever else was in the water with him, everything blurry. His wings were heavy, pulling him deeper, deeper even as he flailed, trying to pull himself above the surface.

He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, fast, jackhammering away as his desperate lungs tried to pull in another breath- only more water. He felt dizzy, flailing hopelessly, arms feeling heavier and heavier, until they met something solid.

The surface was covered, he was trapped.

His vision started going dark as panic enveloped his entire being.

There was muffled shouting as he faded away again.

Grian gasped, sitting up suddenly as he woke. He found his own hand at his throat as he coughed, almost as if the imaginary liquid could leave his lungs still, the memory of his dream sending him reeling.

He hadn't noticed the hushed voices from just outside his door until they stopped, pausing at the commotion he was making. Two pairs of eyes peeked around the doorframe, both landing on him easily, not like he'd moved at all, and Grian couldn't stop himself from shrinking at the attention.

“Grian!” Scar was too loud, too excited, too eager as he rushed inside, towards the bed. “Joel told me a little about what was happening, you should have told me!”

He felt his face crinkle at the thought, looking away from the other at the much more interesting wall. Had that crack in that plank always been there?

There was a beat before Scar spoke again, voice quieting down a bit to a much more tolerable level. “Sorry, guess that's probably why you didn't tell me. I can go if you want? I don't know- Joel said I should come over, he told me you said it was okay but we both know how he can be-”

“Hey!” Joel cut off his rambling, sounding offended. “He did say it was okay. Give him a blummin’ moment Scar, you're going to get yourself kicked out.”

“Sorry,” Grian managed, throat feeling even more sore from hacking his lungs out a moment ago, “still- still tired.”

“That's fine,” Scar quickly assured him, reaching out to touch Grian's shoulder despite Joel's hissed warning. “No need for sorries, take your time.”

Despite Joel's concerns, Grian relaxed under the small touch. He hadn't realized just how much he missed this, even the little touches, not until Joel had been standing behind him carefully detangling his hair.

“Helped convince him to take a shower and eat,” Joel spoke softly, clearly not to Grian himself. “His voice is a bit rough though, like you heard,” and Joel's attention turned toward him again. “Did you want more tea, Grian?”

He thought about it for a moment, but the soreness in his throat had yet to let up. “Less honey this time?” He asked, finally looking back over at his two friends.

“You got it boss.” And Joel was off, busying himself over the stove.

“Honey's supposed to be good for your throat,” Scar interjected, making a wheezy laugh escape Grian.

“Yeah, that's why he put too much in last night,” he hummed, before thinking a bit more on it. “Earlier? I- I don't know how long it's been.”

“Probably just earlier,” Scar's voice was soft, at least for now, before he got too excited to remember it again. “He said he came over this morning.”

“Mm.” He couldn't think of any other way to respond, simply acknowledging the fact. This morning. Judging by the light outside his windows, he'd been out for most of the day then, the sun would be setting soon. “Are you staying the night?” He asked, as soon as the thought came to mind.

“Oh- uh, I think that was the plan? As long as you're alright with that,” Scar seemed unsure, fidgeting in place. “You can kick me out whenever, but Joel said you probably shouldn't be alone right now.”

Grian felt his lip curl, even though Joel was probably right. “I'm not going to kick you out, Scar.” He glanced over at the other, noting how he twisted his hands together, a ball of energy. “Did Joel pull you away from a build?”

“What? No!” Scar lied, laughing as he deliberately placed his hands on the armrests of his chair. “Don't worry about it, G, I'd rather be here anyway.”

“Don't be like that,” Grian scoffed, rolling his eyes. “What did Joel even tell you anyways? How much of my business did he spill?” He wasn't actually upset at Joel, not really, but he felt bitter.

“Not a lot!” Scar's hands were raised again, as if trying to calm a panicked animal. “Just… that you've been here a while now, and you've been having an episode, but you won't say why. Not that you have to! Just- that's what he told me.”

“An episode,” Grian repeated bitterly, mumbled under his breath.

“Like- Like a PTSD episode,” Scar clarified, wringing his hands again.

Grian grimaced at the bluntness, looking away from Scar again. He almost wished for his comm, but he knew it was a bad idea, who knew what kinds of messages could be waiting on there. “Who said I have PTSD?” He bluffed, knowing there were at least a couple of Hermits who would confirm as much, it wasn't his best kept secret.

“Grian…” Scar's hand was on his shoulder yet again, and he couldn't stop himself from relaxing under it immediately. “You don't have to tell me anything, okay? Just let me know how I can help. If I can help.”

For a while it was quiet, just the distant sounds of Joel opening and closing different chests. Grian hadn't even realize he started crying until Scar was pulling away.

“Joel?” Grian could hear the concern in his voice, even though he hadn't done anything wrong. He hadn't.

Grian whipped around, grabbing Scar's wrist and holding on far too tight, feeling the tears roll down his cheeks. “D-don't leave,” he barely managed. Scar's other hand moved from the wheel of his chair, gently wrapping his fingers around Grian's grip.

“Oh, Grian…” Scar's voice almost matched his in volume, and for once Grian couldn't bring himself to care how full of pity it was. Maybe just this once he needed a little pity. “I'm sorry, I thought… I thought I upset you. I was just going to get Joel.”

“Please don't leave me.” It was pathetic, he felt pathetic, he was pathetic; but the last time Scar left him alone… He hiccuped, free hand rubbing furiously at his face. “Please, Scar-”

“I'm not going anywhere, Grian.” He barely managed to slip his hand out of Grian's grip, only to lace their fingers together, other hand sandwiching Grian's between them. “You're okay, I'm here.”

There were footsteps approaching, and then silence for a moment. Grian looked up just in time to see the look Joel and Scar were sharing, before their joint attention was on him again.

“I'm going to put this here,” Joel said once he realized Grian was watching him, setting the mug of tea on the bedside table. “For when you're thirsty again.”

Grian sniffled, nodding a little. “Th-thanks. Sorry,” he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand, squeezing Scar's with the other.

“It's fine,” Joel assured him, reaching out to brush Grian's hair out of his face again. “... Do you want me to stay? I was going to head out soon now that Scar is here, but I don't have to.”

Grian quickly shook his head, almost immediately undoing the progress Joel had made on his hair again. “Don't- don't stay just because you feel like you have to,” he insisted, even though that was exactly what Scar was doing. “You've been here all day.”

“Meh,” Joel shrugged, keeping his hands to himself this time. “I don't mind staying longer, but if you want me to go…” He glanced over to where Grian's comm was resting, just next to the cup of tea. “Don't hesitate to call me, either of you!”

Scar pulled a hand away to salute. “Sir yes sir!” He said earnestly, a smile on his face. Grian couldn't stop the tiny laugh that made its way through his tears, Scar's ridiculousness a balm on the entire situation. 

“Good, good.” And Joel was making his way toward the door, hesitating. “Grian,” he had paused in the doorway, biting his lower lip. “We're here for you, alright? Ping me and I'll be over in an instant.”

Grian's chest hurt, and it took everything in him not to sob as he nodded a little. His voice was shaking as he managed a single word, “okay.” And then Joel was gone.

It probably wasn't actually that fast, he probably waited by the door for another minute or two, waiting to see if Grian changed his mind. Though once he finally managed to blink away his tears again it was just him and Scar, who was cradling his hand between his own once more.

“You should drink your tea,” Scar's voice was still quiet as he raised the hand not directly intertwined with Grian's fingers, thumb brushing away some of the wetness on his cheek. “Replace some of those liquids you just lost.”

“Not sure that's how it works,” he mumbled, head tilting into the touch.

“Wouldn't hurt either though.” Scar’s hand started to pull away, only for Grian to hold on to it even tighter. “I’m not going anywhere, G-man, just think you should use two hands to hold the mug, you’re a bit shaky.”

Grian wet his lips, squeezing Scar’s hand again. “... Promise?”

Scar squeezed right back. “Cross my heart.”

Reluctantly, Grian dropped Scar’s hand. He forced himself to keep calm even as the other pulled away a bit, picking up the mug to hand to him, which he took in trembling hands himself. Scar was right, of course, he was in no state to use just one.

“Thank you,” he murmured, before taking a sip of the tea, thanking the void it wasn’t as sweet as the last time he’d had it, he wasn’t sure he could stomach it again. He watched over the mug as Scar rolled minutely closer to the bed before activating the brakes, fiddling with his hands in his lap before looking up again, catching the other's gaze before Grian's eyes quickly darted away.

“Aren't you going to ask?” His words were muffled, spoken into the mug and swallowed by it.

“Ask what?” He could see Scar lean forward a bit in the corner of his eye.

He took another sip of tea, delaying the inevitable. “What happened.”

Scar was quiet for a moment, clearly thinking about what to say next, which wasn't always something he did. Grian almost snickered at the thought, but Scar was speaking finally.

“No, I don't think so,” he looked thoughtful, resting his chin on his fist. “You'll tell me if you want to, Joel said you might, but I'm not gonna push it.” It was quiet again, and after a moment Scar looked up, meeting Grian's eyes once more. “Unless you want me to ask, would that make it easier?”

Grian winced at being seen through so easily, looking down into the mug just to avoid contact. “... It might, yeah.”

“Hm, alright.” He didn't sound judgemental, he never did, but Grian couldn't help but feel nervous. “... It has to do with whatever happened at that convention, doesn't it? When we got split up?”

Grian almost felt like he was there again, surrounded by people on all sides, pushing in on him, no care for his personal space— “Yes,” he choked out, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. “It was- it- yes.” He felt Scar's hand rest on his forearm, though he didn't look away from the small bit of tea left in the mug.

“I'm sorry, Grian,” he mumbled, continuing before Grian could tell him it wasn't his fault. “What… What happened? Who did this to you?”

He could feel tears welling up in his eyes again, and he couldn't tell if it was from remembering, or the care that Scar was putting into the situation. “My ex, he- he was on the server. I hadn't spoken with him since high school,” the words sounded legible to him at least, but he'd be a fool to assume that was entirely the truth, voice beginning to shake again as tears rolled down his cheeks for what felt like the millionth time that day.

“He hit you?” Scar gasped, hand gripping a little tighter at Grian's arm.

“I was- I wasn't letting him-” Grian hiccuped, hands going white-knuckled around the mug. “He wanted to touch my wings,” he sobbed, almost spilling what little was left of the tea with how much he was shaking.

“Oh, Grian…” The mug was taken from his hands and set aside, replaced by Scar’s own hand, giving him something softer to squeeze, hopefully not hurting him. “I’m so sorry.”

He was fighting for air through the tears, squeezing Scar’s hand even tighter, pulling it closer towards him as he curled inwards. “He- When we were-” He was broken off by another sob. “Th-they were the only things I had left. I didn’t have them in school. They were mine and now- a-and now-”

“Grian. Grian,” Scar carefully placed his free hand on the other’s shoulder, leaning in close.

“He ruined them!” Grian wailed, unable to stop himself, unable to look Scar in the eyes. “He- he ruined me,” he hiccuped, quieter.

He gasped as he was suddenly pulled into Scar’s arms, almost falling off of the bed. Instead of doing anything else to balance himself, he clung to Scar, sobbing into his shoulder. “I’m sorry- I’m sorry,” he whimpered, feeling the fabric beneath his cheek growing wetter and wetter.

“Shhh…” Scar held him close, and it felt safer than it did restricting, even when he squeezed his arms tighter around him. “Grian, void, Grian, you’re not ruined,” he murmured quietly, face buried in his hair, speaking just above his ear. “You’re not ruined,” he repeated, one of his hands moving up to hold the back of his head, running fingers through his hair. “You can’t… you can’t give him that power over you,” his own voice was shaking slightly, “it’s not your fault.”

Grian couldn’t stop the tears, he couldn’t stop shaking, long ignored sobs escaping his lungs. “I- he made me- I-I feel so disgusting,” he choked out, sure that his nails were digging into Scar’s flesh now, just another thing he couldn’t do right, “I can’t- I can’t look at them, t-touch them- they’re so- and I can’t- I can’t fix them.”

“I’m sorry, Grian, I’m so sorry.” He didn’t even flinch away from Grian’s harsh grip, carefully rocking the two of them back and forth, as much as he could sitting like this. “I wish I could have been there, I wish I could have stopped him. I’m sorry.”

His breath caught on another sob, shaking his head. “You- you did, sort of,” he admitted, his throat beginning to ache again from just how much he was using it now. “When you came looking for me I-” He sniffled, “I stopped it, because- because I heard you. I could.” It wasn’t the full truth, but it was enough.

“Void, I'm so sorry, you're so strong,” Scar mumbled, his hold on the other tightening even more. “Never forget that. You're so, so brave, I'm sorry that you had to be.”

It hurt too much to keep speaking. For now, Grian kept quiet, still sobbing softly into Scar's shoulder. And Scar— the angel— didn't let go, he didn't push him, just held him close, humming softly to him. When he did try to pull away, Grian's grip only tightened again.

“Hey, hang on there,” Scar's voice was still so unusually quiet. “Your back must hurt, at least let me get up on the bed with you.”

It hadn't exactly been at the forefront of his mind, but now that Scar had mentioned it, Grian was far too aware of the sharp soreness in his spine from leaning over too much for too long. He hesitated, because of course he did, before carefully extracting himself from Scar's hold, scooting over to make some extra room on the bed. “I'm tired,” he said softly, newly freed hands rubbing tears away from his eyes, “so hurry up.”

“It'll take as long as it takes,” Scar's tone was just a little lighter. Regardless of what he said, it didn't take too long at all for him to carefully roll into Grian's bed, propped up slightly against the pillow behind him— and immediately Grian was in his arms again, face buried in his chest.

Grian all but melted as Scar started running a hand through his hair. His eyes were still wet, but he wasn't choking on sobs anymore, which he considered an improvement.

“I could help with your wings tomorrow, if you want.” He felt Scar's voice in his chest more than he heard it. “Only if you want me to though, but I think it’d be good to have them cleaned up.”

“I think… I think you’re right,” Grian could only hope Scar actually heard him, the closeness only muffling his soft voice even more. “Maybe… I’d like that.”

“You can decide for sure tomorrow, don’t worry about it right now. Just sleep for now,” Scar murmured, holding onto Grian just a bit tighter.

As exhausted as he was, who was Grian to argue? Slowly drifting off without a word in opposition, finally feeling safe.

-

Grian’s sleep was easy and dreamless that night, a privilege he had not been afforded in the previous week or so, however long he’d been stuck in this rut. When he woke again it was slow, he felt warm, limbs heavy like they were full of lead, but comfortable nonetheless. He could feel a weight over his torso, an arm he realized, holding him close, and finally he cracked open his eyes.

Directly in front of him, blocking the sunlight from hitting his face directly, was Scar, drooling on his pillow.

Grian couldn’t stop the ugly snort that escaped him at the sight, throwing his arms up over his face to block the view, trying to silence the laughter bubbling up inside of him, not wanting to wake the other too early. Though judging by the movement next to him, he failed.

“Mmh, Grian?” Scar’s arm slid off of him, regrettably, but Grian could still feel his body heat, even if he was covering his eyes. “G? You alright?”

He could feel his shoulders shaking, and before he could stop it he burst out laughing, tired giggles escaping his throat as he squeezed his arms tighter, as if that could stop it. He heard a sigh from beside him, before Scar was chuckling softly too.

“What’s got you so worked up?” Scar’s voice was still full of sleep, but he sounded less worried than a moment or two ago, which Grian hadn’t even noticed until just now.

The laughter eventually quieted down and he could bring himself to uncover his face, unable to stop the huge grin from growing, still somewhat hiding behind his hands as he peeked through his fingers at the other. Scar was awake now, clearly, a tired smile on his own face, hair sticking up in every direction possible, at least he wasn’t drooling anymore.

“Heya goof, back with me?” Scar teased, his forever charming smile already contrasting the image Grian had just woken up to, the thought of which made him snicker a little again.fa

“Yeah,” was what he said when he finally managed to make words again, still grinning a bit. “Just glad you stayed, I guess.”

“Uh huh,” Scar didn’t sound convinced, but his amused look didn’t disappear even as he sat up, yawning. “Where would I have gone?” He reached out, hesitating for a moment, but then his hand was brushing through Grian’s hair.

Grian settled into the touch like a particularly pleased cat, eyes fluttering shut as he let out a soft hum. “Dunno, just glad I’m not alone anymore,” he mumbled, not really processing the words before they left him. He’d be embarrassed if he thought about it for too long, so instead he opened his eyes again, looking up at Scar. “Help me with my wings?” He pivoted, knowing he’d be unlikely to work up the courage again.

Scar’s brows furrowed a bit at that, hand stopping for a moment— though it continued again before Grian could complain. “You still want me to? Not just ‘cause you should or whatever?”

He hesitated for a moment, then nodded a little, careful not to jostle Scar’s hand. “Yeah. Yeah I mean, I should for sure but… I don’t know if I can myself,” Grian bit the inside of his cheek, looking away from Scar’s eyes now. “And… I don’t trust just anyone to do it for me, you know. And you have experience.”

“Aww, Grian,” Scar cooed, looking touched when Grian finally met his eyes again. “It’s been a while, you’ll have to tell me if I’m too rough.”

“I don’t think you can be,” Grian said mostly to himself, finally sitting up as well. “... Do you… do you want to do it right now? Before I freak out too much and change my mind?” He pitched his tone up, trying to make it sound more joke than truth, though he knew Scar could see right through him.

“Oh, of course, yeah, come here,” Scar hummed, thankfully not commenting on Grian's nervousness barely bubbling under the surface.

Carefully they maneuvered so Grian was almost sitting in Scar's lap, facing away from him of course. It was another couple of minutes before he took a deep breath, slowly spreading his wings. He heard a sharp inhale from behind him, making his hair stand on end.

“Jeez, Gri,” Scar murmured. He could feel the other's hands hovering just above his wings, not quite touching yet. “This might take me a bit,” he spoke up after a moment, “I don't think I've seen them quite like this before.”

Grian swallowed thickly, a lump forming in his throat. “Is- Is it really bad?” He asked, trying to keep his voice strong. 

“Nothing we can't handle together,” Scar promised, “just breathe, I'm going to start now.”

Grian took a deep breath at Scar's suggestion, and then he felt fingers in his feathers. His head started spinning as he was almost thrown back into the past, back to the convention, back against the wall, hands clawing at his wings— but Scar's touch was so gentle, grounding him in the moment, so careful that he couldn't realistically equate the two. 

“Is this okay so far?” Scar's voice was soft, barely audible in Grian's ear. “Tell me if you need me to stop.”

“You're doing fine,” he choked on his own words, but that didn't stop Scar’s hands, carefully working each feather one by one until it laid flat, plucking those damaged from his own miscare.

“Thank you for letting me do this,” Scar murmured after a particularly tough tug. “So strong. Your wings are going to look a-may-zing after this.”

Grian wasn't sure when he started crying again, silent tears streaming down his cheeks. It seemed Scar was just as unaware, focused on the task at hand until Grian sniffed, raising a hand to rub at his face. 

His hands didn't stop, thank the void, though they did slow. “You holding on alright there, Grian?” He smoothed a hand down the small area he'd already finished, making Grian relax under the touch. 

Grian couldn't help the chirp that escaped him, clear as day even through the tears. “Y-yeah,” he choked after, cheeks heating up in embarrassment. “It's good, just- just a lot.”

“Okay, let me know if you need a break.” Scar meant well, but Grian was fairly certain if they took a break, he wouldn’t let the other start again. Regardless, he nodded a little, even if he lacked the intent behind it.

Their conversation, if it could even be called that, dropped off at that point. Every once in a while Scar would murmur gentle praises and gratitudes, more speaking at Grian than with him, seeing as he didn’t respond and Scar never pushed him to. The tears had dried once more by the time Scar had finished with the first wing and moved onto the other, manually stretching out the muscles that had subconsciously retracted.

Grian almost could have fallen asleep under Scar’s ministrations once he calmed again, breathing steady and slow as he absentmindedly fiddled with the hem of his sweater, movements slow and without purpose. He hadn’t even noticed when Scar eventually stopped, reaching the end of the task at hand.

“Hey, Gri, how’s everything feeling?” Scar’s voice startled Grian out of his own head, his little jolt earning a laugh. “Wake up, sleepyhead. How do your wings feel?”

“Mm?” Words weren’t working quite yet, but they were jump-started again as soon as he spread his wings, startled by just how good they felt. “Oh- Scar they’re- they feel fantastic,” his voice was quiet, and he could almost feel tears welling up again.

“Good,” Scar sounded relieved, running his fingers through Grian’s feathers one last time, making him shiver a little. “They look really good too, so clean and bright, I’m glad I could help.”

“I-” Grian choked for a moment, suddenly yearning for the feeling of air beneath his wings again. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed it. “I need to fly,” he scrambled out of bed, stumbling a little and ignoring Scar’s laugh. “I’ll be right back, I promise, I just-”

“Go.” Scar was grinning, but Grian felt bad leaving him covered in the small pile of broken feathers.

“Five minutes,” he promised, holding up a hand. “Five minutes, then I’ll be back to clean up and we can have breakfast and- and whatever else you want to do today. Five minutes.”

“Five minutes,” Scar agreed, with a knowing smile.

Grian all but dove out the front door, a whooping cheer leaving him for the first time in forever as he spiraled through the air. Fifteen minutes later, he was sheepishly creeping back inside to Scar, windswept hair and a bright smile on his face. He didn’t feel quite so bad about the time though, not when Scar was grinning so wide right back at him.

[mariyekos]

For those of you (like me!) who missed it, there was a Behind the Scenes video released for the first Devil May Cry Netflix Anime back in November 2023, which includes a few scenes that aren't in either the old or new trailer!

This is where we got the shots of the female character who might(?) be Lady but didn't appear in the trailers. It's also where we got shots of a fight that doesn't appear in the latest trailer...unless it's an old version that's since been changed. Putting some screenshots and thoughts below the cut!

"Lady", or the Woman in the Behind the Scenes Video

Above: 1) Dante and the woman running on a rooftop, 2) The woman falls off rooftop, Dante sprints to the ground past her, 3) The woman continues falling and Dante gets prepped to catch her (note: there's something on the right that at first I thought might be Kalina-Ann, but on re-watches looks like a broken pipe).

My thought is that this could be Lady because it mirrors their encounters in DMC3 to an extent. The first shot makes me think of running through the library during her fight. The second and third shot of her falling and Dante catching her is reminiscent of when she fell off the Temen-ni-gru and Dante caught her (by the leg).

However...I hope it's not Lady, because other than the hairstyle, she doesn't look like Lady to me. This DMC is clearly going for a more modern aesthetic than DMC3 (and most of the DMCs, with 5 having the most "modern" look in terms of the city), but this woman's outfit reads very techo-futuristic to me and I would rather not have Lady dress like that. It just doesn't feel very Lady-like to me, y'know? That and I just think it was cool when Lady decided to shoot Dante and save herself when falling in DMC3. Please don't damsel in distress her like this :(

(Related: While I know the real reason Lady dresses like she does is that it's cute/hot, I like to HC that she typically doesn't wear armor because she needs to be able to move, and she figures any demon who'll be able to hurt her will be strong enough to make it through armor anyway so she might as well something mobile and comfortable.)

Now I will say, this woman doesn’t have the Kalina-Ann on her, just two pistols(?), so one possible story-line I’m thinking of is that this is Lady, but in a point early in the story where she’s working for some mercenaries or some sort of group to establish herself while she’s hunting Arkham. Then, later on she might split from them and don something more akin to her usual outfits while she runs around with the Kalina-Ann we all know and love. Another option is that this plain isn’t Lady. That’s my ideal.

Another reason why I’d like if this isn’t Lady is that I really do enjoy the young/schoolgirl aesthetic Lady has going in the original DMC3 and DMC3 Manga, because it sells just how messed up Arkham and his actions are. The scene of a teenager being the one to end her father's life and crying over him feels so much more chilling than it would if she was, say, 25. Lady’s a teenager who’s had her mother and her life stolen from her, and that’s tragic. This woman doesn’t read like a teen to me. And while Dante also reads as a little older and anime is notorious for making 17 year olds look 30 and 30 year olds look 17, that doesn’t eliminate the fact that I think an older looking Lady would lower the impact of certain scenes, even if the show says she’s 16. I like when Lady is younger than Dante, because Dante’s this teenager who’s so irresponsible, but then in comes Lady who’s even younger but seems to have it together…until eventualy you come face to face with the idea that oh, oh boy, this is all terrible and no one should be having to deal with this, Arkham what have you done (both with essentially orphaning Lady and partnering with the teenage Vergil (and screwing over the teenage Dante) as part of his evil plan. Which Vergil agrees to and helps with, so he's far from innocent, but still).

Comparison between Behind the Scenes and the New Trailer

It's also possible that the show might've changed aesthetics a bit between the previous trailer and this one.

See these shots from the new trailer (which I will refer to as NT)? I wonder if they're updated variants of this scene from the Behind the Scenes (BtS) video below.

Now I'll admit this is kind of a stretch. Buuuuut I'm going to stretch to make it anyway. In both scenes, Dante is being attacked by a group of humans. Yes, he fights humans across different media, but if the DMC anime is mostly Dante vs a bunch of humans with human weapons, I'm going to be very bored, so that's why I'm hoping this is just storyboard vs Final version of a scene. And yes, I know that's a lot of work to redo...but maybe reception was bad and they pivoted, and that's part of why we went a year without any news.

Other big things: the arcade cabinets.

I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be Dante's shop in both shots, and again, if Dante gets jumped by a bunch of humans in his shop multiple times, I'm going to be upset/bored because really? That's such a basic thing to reuse. Please don't do that. Thus I'm banking on the BtS version being the original idea, with the NT version being what the animators/director pivoted to.

And the thing I caught onto before I noticed the arcade cabinets: the guy(s) on the floor.

Again, it's entirely possible these are different scenes. A guy getting knocked out is one of the most basic things in any show that includes any kind of fighting. But...if they were redoing a scene, why not keep a few of the elements like the guy(s) Dante has knocked out? Are we going to have multiple scenes of people jumping Dante in his shop, Dante knocking them out, and the shop being partially destroyed? Seems excessive.

Lastly, these two shots:

Now the Rebellion thing is deeeeefinitely a stretch. The other stuff I mentioned in regards to this two scenes is stuff I'm pretty sure of Rebellion nah, especially since it doesn't come right after the other scenes in the BtS video (which are all together), whereas all the shots I included of the NT are in sequence. But the reason I included it is because it feels like a very good establishing shot of Dante, where they might have initially wanted to have him fight some people and pull up Rebellion on its own, but later changed their mind to having the zoom happen mid-fight. The way the walls are messed up in the BtS video makes me think that shot's in Dante's shop, and as I've said a million times before, I think it would be boring/lazy to repeat the same events in the same place.

Closing Thoughts

If the fight scenes above ARE the older and newer versions of the same scene, this does give me some hopes that if the woman in the top shots is meant to be Lady, they might've gone back and fixed up her design to make her more Lady-like. I don't want techno-futuristic outfits. I want someone who's in more traditional combat gear or otherwise at least in more cloth. The thing I love about Lady is how she looks like a teenager whose life veered off the road into the realm of demon hunting, and I think the whole "high school uniform paired with guns and belts and so on" does a great job of visually expressing that.

I will say that the military does seem to get involved at some point due to some shots of a gatling gun, armored truck, and missile, and the guys in the BtS video look more military than the mercenary types of the NT, so they still could be two different fights... but I hope not. The modern tech stuff doesn't feel very DMC to me. I want to keep the spirit of the games, even if we go for new things. (And yes, I know the military shows up in DMC5, but they're there for all of two minutes so if they do show up in the Netflix DMC, I hope they're only there for a short while.)

If you've made it to the end, thank you for reading! If you want to see me break down the new trailer, I made a post about it here.

[wanderersrest]

Wanderer's Rest Presents: An Abbreviated History of Mecha

So... I decided today that I'm going to start writing a series of posts based on the history of mecha. Not just mecha anime, but mecha as a concept in fiction. See, it should come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog that I love mecha. I am also aware that there are a lot of misinformed takes fueled by halfwits like Gigguk that the genre is "dead," and while I am aware that mecha as a genre is not the biggest genre in 2024 as it was in the 80's or the 90's, I do know that the idea that the genre is "dead" is, like Gigguk's podcast and Gigguk himself, trash.

What I aim to do with this series is highlight the rather long history of the genre, as mecha is about as old as modern manga. This is inspired by the fact that the mecha genre is both really old and really massive. And in case you're wondering, this is inspired by Professor Otaku's complete history of mecha series. There are just a couple of differences:

Unlike Professor Otaku, I like G Gundam. That means that I'm a cool person and definitely not petty.

Also unlike Professor Otaku, I want to give the series that I mention in these posts a fair shake, even if I don't like them. I'm not going to watch every series mention here (as even watching every series I plan on listing would be insanity), but I do want people to be aware that they exist.

As hinted at above, I don't plan on covering every single series out there. The sheer amount of just mecha anime is already too much for one person to watch through.

Okay That's Cool, Wanderer. But What's a Mecha?

Good question, actually. Pop culture often defines mecha as being giant robots that are usually piloted by someone. And while that is correct, it is still a narrow definition. It cuts out a lot of influential works that don't quite fit the mold. Things like Astro Boy, Space Battleship Yamato, and Magic Knight Rayearth are series that are worth talking about when it comes to mecha even if they don't quite fit right in with the rest of the canon (and from here on out, I will be saying canon as opposed to genre due to the fact that canon can mean "a collection or list of sacred books accepted as genuine"). And to me, those series are just as worth mentioning as things like Mazinger Z, Getter Robo, and Mobile Suit Gundam. And in case you're wondering, yes, I will venture a little bit into video games and tabletop games. So sit tight Battletech fans, I'll eventually get to you.

Some Transparency Required

I do think, before I start working on this series proper, I should be transparent about things. After all, I am human. I have my own preferences and biases, and I feel it would be disingenuous of me to not disclose this before I started running through all of these shows. For transparency's sake, I will disclose the biases I know that I have. I don't know if I will cover every single one, but I will certainly try to.

My favorite mecha series are Mobile Fighter G Gundam, Patlabor, The King of Braves GaoGaiGar, Magic Knight Rayearth, and Gun x Sword among others.

My least favorite mecha series are New Mobile Report Gundam Wing (both the TV series and Endless Waltz), 86: Eighty Six (no 86 fans, your series isn't special because it's gritty. Iron-Blooded Orphans did everything you were doing but better IMO), and Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion (Mostly thanks to the second season).

Due to how fans often use the series as a means of talking down Japanese-styled mecha, I may have a tendency to be a bit more dismissive towards Battletech.

I actually prefer Prince of Darkness over the original Martian Successor Nadesico. As for GaoGaiGar, I prefer the original series over GaoGaiGar FINAL. I do like regular Nadesico and GGG FINAL as well though, just not as much. This shouldn't be surprising if people remember that this is similar to my tastes relating to Patlabor.

I have not watched Gundam SEED. So if you're expecting me to dunk on it, I probably won't. Likewise, if you're expecting me to say that it's underrated... I also won't say that.

Likewise, I haven't watched a single Ryousuke Takahashi mecha series, nor have I watched either Macross or Giant Robo. I'll get to it one day though, I promise.

I love the idea that Attack on Titan and Ratatouille are mecha shows.

Due to my past of being a contrarian teenager as well as dipshits on Reddit constantly overhyping everything, I tend to be averse to the more popular shows.

I'm also more skeptical of the "Not Like the Other Girl" shows like Evangelion, Code Geass, Gurren Lagann, and 86.

There is a non-zero chance that I will sneak Gintama into this somehow.

But those should be most of my biases out of the way. I hope you'll join me on this long journey. If you're worried about my Gintama post, don't be. I'm still working on it, but I do think it's going to be a bit different from the rest of my posts.

[cboffshore]

hi everyone. I come bearing IICT(OSC) insider knowledge, hints, and memes.

bc spoilers: everything else is under the cut. Do not proceed before you read the fic. Unless you like having twists untwisted in advance. That's on you.

(one day I wanna try my hand at redrawing/tracing this Gayle meme to be Nya, but that's neither here nor there.)

If I ever do any super, super in-depth analysis of this work, it's not happening today, as I'm fighting a weather migraine and longform ideas are NOT my friends. However, I did want to make a few fun bonus notes. These aren't bulleted bc mobile browser formatting.

The weapon in the escape scene was only originally supposed to be a rusty pipe (loosely inspired by a piece of Fall Out Boy promo art used on "What a Time To Be Alive", and yes I KNOW Pete has a baseball bat. I said LOOSELY.) I waffled on the chain element for a LONG time. However, on Halloween, Han doodled this for Trick or Treat asks, and that was enough to make me commit to the idea. @spinjitsuburst: I have no idea if you've read this fic or not, but I never did properly tell you how helpful that was. (And none of that is a spoiler if you do go read it, just turn back now and you'll be safe.)

The Incense Gambit is a real chess strategy; however, we don't call it that. The actual move set is called the Bongcloud Attack, which I learned about when I was doing chess research for this fic. I started out by trying to learn chess online, and at some point, I decided it would be fun to have Nya win with a recognizably stupid move set. Knowing very little about chess at that point (having lost to most of the bots and people I played), I Googled a list of joke chess openers and picked the one that made me laugh the hardest. The Mighty Donut was in second place, but that requires both players to cooperate, so that wouldn't have worked. Not wanting to write "what, you've never heard of the Bongcloud Attack?" as a dialogue line, I switched the name to Incense Gambit both as a reference to smoke and for the fact that "incense" also means "to anger." I should also disclose that one of my few chess wins happened when I USED the Bongcloud, which... that's not normal.

In my first outline, the REAL Landon was originally supposed to set off the escape sequence. Stopping Nya was supposed to be pure luck/desperation on his part, followed by an encounter with Nadakhan where I would've been able to cram in a small analysis of how he treats his crew members. It didn't work out and I never wrote it, but there were secret passageways involved, and it could've been fun if I'd gotten it to work. I still think that bringing the shapeshifting back was the wiser choice, though.

I've already gotten two separate comments that, to different degrees, claim this would have worked as a plausible canon installment. Which is good! The whole point of this is to fill the gaps in her experience, so hearing that this seems believable is always lovely.

If you reread c5, take note of who resets the board each time. Without realizing it, I assigned that duty to whoever feels more strongly that they are controlling the situation at that point.

The wine vs tea thing I hinted at in a few past posts: both beverages are written as symbols of how much Nadakhan is present in a given scene. Wine only appears if he's directly visible - things like the chess sequence and in the dream, where I use wine to describe the air. Tea, however, only appears if Nya can't see him, but he's still influencing the events. These include his gloves smelling like black tea when Nya is blindfolded, the presence of tea on the meal tray, and - of course - the tea she uses as a weapon in the escape sequence.

Speaking of the escape sequence, I made this meme VERY early on and I still find it stupid funny:

[lakesparkles]

Longing (chapter 2 - bjhm fanfiction)

(I don't know how to put titles on mobile, in case it looks weird)

Anyways, I finally finished editing the second chapter of my AU fanfic!

You can read it on google docs or under the cut:

Longing

.

.

.

Diane's routine remains exactly the same, except for the constant presence of Mr. Peanutbutter

—

(I think it would be nice to say, as a warning, that there are a lot of reflections about emotional cheating in the first half of this chapter. But everything will be alright, you’ll understand when you read it ^^’)

"I miss you" the words came out of Mr. Peanutbutter's mouth quickly, as if he would lose courage if he didn't say them in that exact second.

"You saw me, like, last night." Diane shrugged and moved the phone to her other ear, already starting to feel uncomfortable in her own skin.

"I know... Yeah." He laughed to himself, his voice losing its serious tone when he completed. " I need to go back to recording, ehrrrr... now! See you later, Diane!"

Did he really need to say her name like that every time?

"Bye, Mr Peanutbutter."

After disconnecting the call, she continued standing in the same place, trying to regain her concentration.

Texas might be even hotter than California, but even that didn't save it from certain freezing nights. At least it didn't come close to that freezing hell Chicago called winter. It was funny, right? How many places has she once called home?

That thought got her feet moving again, walking down the middle of the street. It had just gotten dark, which meant that was the time her eyes still hadn't gotten used to how bright the shop windows were. Everything got her attention. Her legs shivered in the icy wind, and soon her eyes were caught by the jeans in the store next to her, now being twice as interesting.

The cafeteria next door looked warm and comfortable, the walls painted dark browns and oranges. She was almost dragged inside, only stopping herself because she knew Guy was waiting for her at home - she imagined it well: he would be on the sofa with his feet on the table and the sketchbook in his lap. He would flash his typical smile when he saw her coming, and Diane would quickly remove her boots and coat and slip into her warm pajamas. By the time she was out of the shower, he would’ve prepared two mugs of hot chocolate. The two of them would drink in bed, and Diane would hide again among the fur on his neck, even forgetting the cold.

What was a coffee shop next to that?

She quickened her steps, excited.

When her mind returned to place, she was already facing a window again, almost hypnotized. That was certainly a nice coat... If she was going to buy it, it would be in the future. Now, home! This same thought process happened another 20 times until she reached her destination. As soon as she finished climbing the short staircase leading to her front door, she kicked her boots off her feet. She couldn't wait to stop shivering and be able to breathe without blowing a puff of smoke from her mouth.

Her house was quiet and dark, but none of it was too out of character for it. Guy always used to arrive around that time, staying in the room until he stopped being too lazy to do anything else. So Diane walked with calm steps into the room, not surprised by the sight she found:

Her husband had the sketchbook on his lap, but it nearly fell off his knee. He was far more interested in what he was typing on his cell phone, letting out a small chuckle to himself. Only then did he noticed her presence:

"Diane! Babe, it's too cold today, isn't it?"

She didn't need another word to understand the invitation:

"Very…" She mumbled, lazily crawling under the covers beside him. Changing clothes could wait a little while. The bath too. This was the moment she'd been waiting for all day, already feeling her body heat up completely as she made herself comfortable and started rubbing her cheek against Guy's shoulder.

"Do you have any theories about what the movie Mr Peanutbutter is shooting is? He doesn't want to tell me!" Guy commented, with even better humor than usual.

Oh, sure. Mr Peanutbutter.

Diane curled up a little to answer, yawning and stretching her legs out from under the covers one second, only to curl back up like a cat the next.

She couldn't get away from it, could she?

"He didn't tell me anything about it either," she shrugged, "but I think it's kind of obvious."

"It's a horror movie, isn't it!?"

"For sure! I guess it's even a sequel to some other famous franchise."

Guy took that as the confirmation he needed, perking up and getting back to typing. Out of the corner of her eye, Diane caught a few written words: "The Ring 5?"; "It 3?"; "No, I don't think it's this one"; "But it's horror."

Mr Peanutbutter responded at the exact second: "No more guesses!!!", "They'll kill me if this gets out!! :(".

She should stop being so nosy!

Her stomach lurched when she noticed that Guy was already laughing again.

"You and my ex husband having any intimacy was not in my bingo of bizarre things that would happen to me" she tried to make a joke to lighten the mood… for herself.

"Well, he's here all the time now."

Yeah, she couldn't deny it.

The presence of that yellow dog became a constant another time, and that wasn't something you could prepare for.

During the last few years, she found herself thinking about Mr Peanutbutter from time to time. Usually it happened on nights when she couldn't sleep and lost control of her thoughts. Or when everything went bad again, and her mind found confusing and desperate solutions for any kind of comfort.

She had already accepted that guilt was a feeling that would always accompany her when she was around her ex-husband.

Now the longing mixed and started several other reflections.

Since she'd moved from California, she'd learned what it was like to genuinely miss someone. A faint smile broke out when she saw a rare selfie posted by Princess Carolyn. She perked up every time Todd and Maude made a sudden visit, bringing with them another chaotic day that she was growing increasingly unaccustomed to.

With Mr. Peanutbutter... It was a little different. With him everything always was.

Every time he texted her or dropped by her house to watch another obscure movie with Guy... Diane learned something new about longing. It was like she was living her story with someone for a second time.

She would never forget the time she met the dog. She was walking alone in her apartment, completely silly, while the two chatted on MySpace. He was kind and happy and so different from anyone else she had ever met. Gradually, she began to open up more to him, who always seemed interested in listening and praising her and making her feel good in her own skin. It was an almost addictive feeling, her head feeling light as she felt a small hope inside of her.

Conversations turned to dates, and Diane finally accepted that a celebrity was really interested in someone like her. Someone, in general, was interested in her. Yeah, it was a good thing to think about. When she realized it, she had already moved in with him and lived the ten most bittersweet years of her existence, in which she was relieved that they were over, but which she didn't regret for a second.

Things weren't so different these days, which was why she was worried. Part of her -the most selfish one- almost begged for the shooting of that shitty movie to end so that she would never have to look that labrador in the eyes again. Because she didn't know how to react anymore every time Mr Peanutbutter complimented her new hairstyle or said he missed her.

It was an old feeling. So old it fooled her into thinking it was something new. And that made her nervous.

She let her head fall back onto Guy's shoulder, who was still distracted by his messages, seeming to be having the conversation of his life. What would he do if he knew what she was thinking? She thought it was time to accept a truth about herself, letting all these feelings hurt as much as they should:

It didn't matter if she was talking about Mr Peanutbutter or Guy: she had never been a very good wife...

•∆•

Things were always easier after acceptance. This was the last phase, above all.

Now she opened the door when Mr. Peanutbutter came to visit after the shooting, greeting him with a comment or a joke. He smiled every time, his eyes glued on her and the tip of his tail flicking back and forth. In the background, she could hear Guy saying how he had prepared cookies - "with no chocolate!"

On second thought, maybe she and Guy were bored before that. The adrenaline of a new city had long since worn off, and they didn't have much to worry about outside of work. Guy had been promoted to news anchor, and Diane still had ten months to release the next volume of Ivy Tran. It was almost inevitable how long she took to write, spending most of her days boringly watching TV, walking around or dozing on the couch until her husband got home.

With Mr Peanutbutter there most nights now, she at least had new information to occupy her mind:

"Everything went wrong today, not even if we had recorded a sequel to 2012 by Roland Emmerich it would have been so catastrophic!" The dog commented as he deliberately shook his shoulders, heading to sit on the sofa (feeling as much at home as he could).

Intrigued, Diane followed, going beside him and leaning her arm on the back of the sofa.

"What happened?"

"Someone forgot to blow out the candles we were using and WE LOST HALF OF THE SET!" He explained everything by gesturing with his hands. "This should take a couple of weeks to be redone, we'll even have to delete some scenes from today because of continuity."

He would spend more time there then, wouldn't he?

"Wow, that reminds me of when we recorded Philbert" Diane smiled at the memory. "It was almost impossible to have a quiet day.”

"Speaking of Philbert," Guy joined them at that moment, taking the empty spot on the sofa and offering the pot of cookies for both, "I know nowadays the plot holes are more noticeable and some parts haven't aged well... But I'm still sad that it was canceled... And it's kind of weird knowing that I'm now together with two people who worked on the production, yeah.

"You get used to it pretty soon," Diane shrugged, taking a second bite of her cookie.

"And you know what's going to be even weirder?" Mr Peanutbutter laughed as he completed. "When you watch my new movie and realize you couldn't figure out what it was."

"That's it!? No! I still have time! Did you say candles? Something with exorcism then?"

"Nope!"

Diane rolled her eyes, enjoying her seemingly new routine.

The next day, she had helped Guy make lasagna. At the kitchen table, her husband asked:

"It's not supernatural, right? Maybe a slasher movie?"

"It's kind of supernatural, yes," Mr Peanutbutter replied, still with his mouth full.

"Are you kidding? What more options are left?"

"Think a little more~"

The following week, they'd stayed up until midnight watching a few episodes of Mr Peanutbutter's House and Horsin' Around, just laughing and talking a little about the past. Diane increasingly realized how much lighter it was to talk about such matters now, quite different from when she first moved from California. Guy was starting to pick up on their inside jokes, commenting on how Blarn had been a great idea. Diane accepted the compliment, feeling nostalgic.

That same day, the three put on a random documentary, talking until dawn. Diane only woke up—and realized she had fallen asleep in the first place—at 2:00 am, finding it kind of amusing to realize that Mr. Peanutbutter and Guy were doing the same, in a competition of who was in the most uncomfortable position. Asking the dog to go back to the hotel felt wrong, so Diane just woke Guy up and the two of them silently went to their room.

The next morning, after the mess, they had breakfast together, Mr. Peanutbutter taking one of the spare toothbrushes and changing for work in their bathroom, saying goodbye in that stupidly domestic way.

Diane's more selfish side returned, and she almost hoped something would destroy the other half of the set for whatever movie he was shooting.

•∆•

Taylor Swift's The Way I Loved You was looping in her head, and for a good reason. She couldn't fall asleep, her thoughts starting to bother her again. Then she kept saying to herself, "nostalgia is a lying bitch and you DON'T miss your life with Mr Peanutbutter. The divorce was the biggest proof of love you ever made for each other."

Yes, that was the truth. Yes Yes Yes. Now she just had to accept it.

To make her point even more clear, she forced herself to remember all the bad times they ever had. All the times he didn't listen, that infuriated her and made her feel terrible about herself and for not getting to be the wife he thought she was.

She also couldn't forget how disastrous and selfish they were together, doing what they'd done to Pickles, only to get nowhere with it.

She certainly didn't miss the fights and the thousands of nights they slept without speaking after yelling at each other.

She just thought so because everything was fine now.

She sighed, shifting her position. Unlike her, Guy was in a deep, peaceful sleep, on his back and snoring softly. Carefully, she brought the back of her hand to his cheek, lightly stroking his fur.

She still loved him. Very very very much. In a way as strong and desperate as she was when she first met him. He was kind, funny, and all the company and comfort she needed in her life.

Diane was confused, and admitting anything in her own head scared her.

But she needed to state the obvious.

She was still in love with Mr Peanutbutter, wasn't she?

•∆•

Now the way was to be angry at him, she realized. It must’ve been her brain's way of not blaming herself so much and pretending that she wasn't about to destroy her whole life all over again.

However, it got so... so difficult when he still showed up on her doorstep every time, tail wagging, another colorful coat and a bottle of expensive wine in hand.

"Something tells me that Guy is going to like it there..." She commented, a light smile involuntarily appearing on her lips.

And she was right. The three of them gathered at the kitchen table again. Diane sipped from her glass, the taste taking her years back. Mr Peanutbutter always bought that same wine for them to drink.

"Tastes like wealth," was the conclusion Guy got, and she laughed because it had been the same as hers.

She missed that, didn't she!?

They watched Hereditary. Guy tried to guess Mr Peanutbutter's movie and failed. At night, when the two were in bed, her husband murmured:

"I know that's how dogs are, but he shouldn't stick his head out the car window... It's dangerous."

Diane smiled.

If she had that routine for even one more day, she would freak out.

Fortunately, that was not what fate had prepared for her.

When she got home the next night, Guy was already there, just like usual. He sat on the sofa, however, something was wrong. She could feel it. She entered the room with some caution, trying to notice what gave her such an impression. It was even easy to know. The TV was off this time, leaving the whole environment in an intimidating silence, mixed with how Guy didn't do anything, just sat there.

When she was close enough, he began to speak:

"I've been waiting for you to arrive," his tone was hard to read. It didn't have much emotion, giving her the awful impression that he must've been rehearsing it in his head while she was gone "we need to talk about something."

Her brain stopped working, going to the past. A few years in the past. "It was good while it lasted". BoJack? BoJack had told her that phrase once, hadn't he? For some reason, it was what was repeated over and over in her thoughts.

"Okay..." She murmured, almost whispering, taking her pose as a child who was about to be scolded. She didn't have much choice but to sit next to him, avoiding eye contact for as long as she could.

She thought she was hiding it well, at least. She didn't even let herself believe that, and this was the hope she was moving forward with... apparently, she wasn't even right about that.

Now her anxiety peaked, feeling her fingertips begin to tingle.

She had almost forgotten what that felt like.

What would become of her now? Would she stay in Houston? Would she go back for another round of small, impersonal apartments? Would it go back exactly where it started, half a lifetime ago?

Or would she try to convince Guy that she could ignore it... and forget about it? - something she would genuinely like to do.

"Look, Diane, I don't even know how to talk about this," Guy continued finally, and Diane struggled to make out the words. Just like her, he didn't look in her direction, "It's going to be kind of weird, okay?"

Maybe she couldn't even stay in Houston. She wouldn't know how to handle the situation. Maybe she would have to go back to being Diane and run away to whatever other town that would accept her.

"Okay," she sighed, giving up. "I think I already know what it is."

"You know!?" He looked oddly surprised, almost scared.

Wait.

"What? What... What is it?"

The silence then returned in double. The two stared at each other, their expressions blank and not daring to speak a single word.

Diane ventured:

"Guy?'

He needed yet another few seconds to continue:

"Now I don't have the courage to talk anymore..."

"Don't you dare! What happened, Guy?"

"Nothing!" It was his turn to be defensive. "That's the case, okay? Nothing really happened and I don't mean to suggest that we should break up or anything."

"What are you talking about?"

"You have every right to be angry, but..."

"With you winding up like that, it's really hard not to be!"

"I don't think there's an easy way to say this."

Then another pause, and now that was the last straw. Diane was so nervous that she could barely feel her hands; her body sweated and she saw white:

"G..." But she was soon interrupted.

"I think I'm in love with Mr. Peanutbutter!"

What?

"What!?"

Now it looked like a challenge to who looked the most terrified, both of them looking like wild animals that would run at any sudden movement.

Diane changed position, almost getting up from the couch:

"Did you just tell me... that YOU are in love with Mr Peanutbutter?" Disproving her theory, saying it out loud didn't make it any more real. Quite the opposite.

"I thought I told you that I was bisexual and that..." He stopped mid-sentence. Normally Guy was someone easygoing and calm, traits that fit her perfectly. Guy always had solutions to any problem, making her feel like she was on the ground every time she needed to.

Now, however, it was like he was about to pass out from embarrassment.

"That's not the problem, of course!" Diane shook her head, trying to control all the trillions of feelings and speak more calmly. "With Mr Peanutbutter, my ex-husband?"

"It's as ridiculous as it sounds," he tried to smile, giving up in the next second. "I wanted to tell you because... I don't know why, it felt right. I swear I never got close to doing anything to him.... I thought you could help me - no, not that! We could think of a solution together. Or not. I don't know."

"I'm a pretty bad person for that."

"Huh?"

"Guess who's in love with Mr Peanutbutter, too?"

It was as if a switch had been flipped, the mood in the room completely changing in an instant. The silence had disappeared and given way to the laughter that now came out.

They stayed like that for a long time, laughing. So much that Diane began to suspect the obvious and how it wasn't because they found the situation funny.

After that came, of course, silence. They stared at each other, and Diane thought the last time she felt so uncomfortable around Guy was when he made her jump out the window to hide it from his son:

"And now...?"

"We admit that we are equally terrible and forgive each other...?" Guy ventured, cocking his head to the side.

"Deal!" She would like to put that behind her, for sure. "But... What about him?"

Now Guy shrugged:

"I don't know that."

They were screwed.

Of course they were.

There wasn't even a chance that this story would end well. But that wasn't the only part that concerned Diane. She felt confused, which left her mind almost blank, not knowing what to think or how to react. Almost as if her life didn't belong to her and she was just watching an episode of TV. And, in the midst of it all, she couldn't help but notice how strangely light she felt. She had gotten so used to carrying that weight that she never even imagined what she would do after that.

Without the guilt and longing, who was she now?

•∆•

Now that she could finally accept it, she let herself enjoy the good parts of the present and the past. When they said that time away from someone was sometimes necessary, they were completely right. The Mr Peanutbutter she lived with now still had all the traits that made him him: an oddly charismatic personality; always praising everyone and trying to be positive, for better or for worse; he still looked kind of distracted, as if he didn't hear her, but he ended up proving the opposite every now and then.

However, his only change was not just the whitish hairs on his muzzle that made him even more endearing: just as she noticed when she first saw him in Houston, it was as if Mr. Peanutbutter had finally matured. He never crossed the line or tried to prove himself to her. He was calmer. Nicer.

She's never forgotten that call she'd had with him one day, years ago, in Chicago. When she suggested that their relationship would probably work with them as they were at the time, Mr Peanutbutter replied that they were only the way they were because of the relationship they once had.

How he had changed. They both had, didn't they?

She asked, every time, if she was right that day. If only they could try a second time. Would everything go back to the way it was before, when the anxiety killed her knowing that they would fight again, practically daily? Or was it closer to the beginning of their relationship, where everything had that rare emotion and she started to feel like she belonged somewhere?

When Mr. Peanutbutter was at her house or they went out with him to see the city, she had to stop herself from kissing him, without saying a word. She liked to imagine that he still felt the same way, having all the same questions but choosing to ignore them for the moment.

If only things were that easy... But at least she wasn't alone. And she could tell Guy all this now, so that he would do the same with his own doubts:

"Wasn't it weird?" He questioned, turning his head on the pillow to face her. "Dating someone so famous, I mean. How did you deal with all his fans? Weren't you jealous?"

"In the beginning, I kind of was," these were such distant memories that she wasn't sure anymore "but I was winning, wasn't I? At least he never gave me the impression that he was going to cheat on me, so I stopped worrying one day."

"Wait, wasn't there something that he cheated on his girlfriend a few years ago? That pug girl, huh?"

Diane's complete silence and Guy's increasingly worried expression indicated that he was starting to connect the dots.

"Ehrrrrr promise not to judge me too much? "Diane asked, smiling sheepishly.

"WAS IT WITH YOU!? Oh dear lord, this is why you want to change the channel when she appears, it all makes so much more sense!"

"What did you think that was the reason?"

"That he had left you for her or something."

"Nah, it was after our divorce. But very close to our divorce, which must have been one of the reasons it happened, now that I stopped to think about it..."

"Diane... I think it must be time for you to tell me the whole story, no?"

"Of my ten years of marriage?"

"As much as you want to tell."

They went to sleep only hours later. Diane didn't try to hide the bad parts, figuring Guy deserved to know what he was getting into. She never thought she could be so honest with him. Maybe she really was past the stage of fear that he would abandon her if he found out who she really was. Instead, he laughed at parts of the story, and only lightly judged her when she deserved it. There was no disgust or heartbreak in his gaze, just pure interest. Obviously she didn't come close to telling everything, not even knowing if that would be possible. But at the end of it all, she was able to return to his arms until they fell asleep. Just like every day for the last few years.

Guy was here to stay.

Diane still wasn't quite used to having company at times as confusing and complicated as this one... But it was something she could get used to.

•∆•

As it was Sunday again, they took the opportunity to go out into the city. Even though it wasn't close to snowing, Houston winters were still quite cold at night. This fact always slipped her mind, until she found herself clutching her coat. She walked closer to Guy, who soon got the message and put his arm around her shoulder to warm her up more.

He had the slight impression that Mr. Peanutbutter watched the scene for a second longer than he should have, but at that point, it could just be her imagination.

The dog walked faster again, his attention going from window to window, with the same admiration of a child:

"The buildings remain my favorite part of here!" He commented, his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he turned to them.

"Aren't they going to be part of any scenery in your movie?" Guy questioned. Diane thought that if he didn't talk about it once a day, he would die. "Why haven't they closed any streets for recording yet? Since it needed to be here in Houston?"

Mr Peanutbutter hesitated a few seconds before replying:

"It doesn’t need the street itself."

"I've given up guessing which one it is, okay?"

"Ahhh Guy, come on, just think about the things you..." Then he interrupted himself, his attention being stolen by yet another shop window. Diane couldn't judge him, soon joining him to look at the clothes displayed there.

It was one of those more expensive stores that Diane suddenly had to wean herself off going to. Most of what was on the mannequins were coats and flannel shirts, all with an extra layer of fur, which could only indicate that they were warm.

"I've never seen this jacket in California, I've been wanting to buy it!" Mr Peanutbutter pointed to one in particular: jeans and a medium coppery blue. It didn't look like the clothes he normally wore, but he could easily picture him in it.

Diane had such a terrible moment when she forgot to control herself, the words just coming out of her mouth:

"I'll buy it as a gift for you!"

Guy and he stared at her at the same time, the labrador practically without reaction as he raised his eyebrows:

"You're really lovely for the offer, but I was about to buy it already."

"No!" She was insistent, knowing that now her pride was at stake. "I was wanting to give you a gift anyway," Lie "so you'll have a souvenir when you get back to Los Angeles."

It was almost imperceptible, but his smile faded a little. During that very instant, he looked…disappointed? Maybe sad. That simple demonstration made Diane's heart want to race, everything in her body telling her that she must say something, that this was her chance.

But she obviously continued in the same position, static, letting Mr Peanutbutter mumble:

"Yeah... If you insist, who am I to say no!?"

While Guy was chuckling beside her - he would certainly throw that in her face later, the two had a little personal competition on who would humiliate themselves more in front of the dog - Diane walked into the store with the two of them, only to grab the jacket from the hangers she found and pretend she didn't read the price tag that hung with it. If Guy wanted to murder her after that, it would be just as deserved. She had to thank him for being in such a good mood.

She headed to the cashier to pay, after realizing that Mr. Peanutbutter wasn't even going to try on the outfit - he and Guy had already gotten distracted and gone to another corner of the store, pointing and amused at everything. They were just looking at jeans, what was so funny?

Diane smirked as she watched the two of them, again in that stupidly domestic scene that she wanted more and more of.

Coming back to reality, she turned to the woman at the cashier - an Abert's squirrel, with her fluffy ears and all - who was glaring at her gleefully:

"Is it a gift?"

"Yes, it is," Diane smiled back, soon after choosing a package with a baseball print. She knew he would like that one.

She took out her card to pay, the squirrel cocking her head in her direction again:

"Do you know who Mr Peanutbutter is?"

"Huh?" Diane's brain apparently worked very slowly today. Or she was just very distracted, in her own thoughts. "I do!"

"It's him back there, isn't it?" She looked anxious, surreptitiously pointing to where the dog was.

Already knowing what to expect, Diane glanced around, seeing how he and Guy had already moved into another section of the store, with more colorful clothes. Picking up a purple T-shirt, Guy commented something along the lines of "I already told you that I'm bisexual?", in the most unnatural way possible, making Diane have to control herself not to laugh. Okay, now she would have a point for the conversation they would have before bed.

"Of course it's him!" Diane said to the squirrel. "He's talking to my husband."

"Serious? What? Wait, so are you... You are..."

"Diane Nguyen."

Of course, that poor saleswoman had no idea who she could be. Something she'd learned from the life of being famous enough was that you'd be almost recognizable far more often than totally.

After saying goodbye, she noticed how the squirrel followed her with her eyes while she called the two men with her hand, without having the courage to approach. It was a shame, Mr Peanutbutter enjoyed interacting with his fans.

Once outside, Diane remembered how cold it was, practically being knocked out by the wind. Imagine if she was in Chicago? She would never take it!

She then turned to Mr Peanutbutter, holding out the bag with the package:

"It doesn't have the same excitement as a surprise gift, but here it is!"

He didn't react at first, but the way he tilted his head slightly to the left, the tip of his tongue sticking out between his teeth… Yeah, he liked it. Years ago, in the midst of her despair over her doomed marriage, she read about the 5 love languages. Classic thing that everyone knows nowadays, you know? The conclusion she reached was that Mr. Peanutbutter delivered exactly his own, which he would like to get back.

An extra gift for him would be worth it, wouldn't it?

He held the package in his hands, glancing at the package and enveloping her in a sudden strong hug. He was still so warm, just the right size for her to sink her chin into the yellow fur on his neck. So familiar. So weird.

"Thank you," he said when separating, a little shy. That was new! "I'll get revenge one day for that, huh!"

"Anytime you want!"

Finally, she gave Guy a wide smile: her underhanded way of saying she'd won this time. He nodded and lowered his head, giving her the pleasure of victory.

She felt like a teenager doing that sort of thing, in a way she hadn't genuinely experienced in decades.

It was still good.

They didn't do much more than that before they parted ways. They took Mr. Peanutbutter to his hotel, where they had another rather uncomfortable farewell, where none of the three knew how to react. Just wave? Shake hands? Hug? All options were bad.

"Sooo, see you again on Monday, which means tomorrow!?" The dog opened a big embarrassed smile as he took a few steps back, pointing to both of them with his index fingers. "Oh, I just remembered. Guy, about what you told me inside the store?"

"What...?" The other looked genuinely confused.

"Forget it! It was nothing! I'll be there tomorrow night, I miss you two already!"

And so he was gone, walking into the hotel. He had fled.

Whatever it was, Diane and Guy just stood there, not daring to move.

"Diane... Do you think that us telling him would be the worst thing that could happen?"

"I don't know anymore," she shrugged, releasing all the air she had in her lungs. "I just spent $600.00 dollars on a jacket."

(Finally my knowledge of horror movies has come in handy for something!

After a few months, I finally got the inspiration to finish this chapter! Now there's only one left)