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#i still struggled but it was still easier to socialize
soliusss · 1 year
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I love reading posts about allistic/neurotypical behavior. Everything makes sense. Apparently in conversations there are cues for beginnings and ends you’re supposed to pick up on. And that’s how you dont accidentally talk over someone else. I do not have the Sensors for that. And that’s just one example of many. This stuff is crazy. No wonder I can’t make friends apparently there’s like 20 million social rules I’m unaware about. Doesnt feel like I’m missing out on much though, it sounds exhausting
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lupismaris · 1 month
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One of the most uncomfortable experiences of autistic adulthood in my experience truly has been- either relationships/friendships, and the process of building them, need to be easier to navigate or I need to want them less because this no man's land is a special kind of lonely.
And it's not a vague post or pity post, it's just an observation re community building in a local sense. We're told it's harder when you're older, harder when you're sober, harder when you're xyz. But that doesn't take away the need for community or help with navigating the process of building it.
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deityofhearts · 3 months
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ya know it’s honestly funny and weirdly comforting when my friends call me a fake gremlin or green tea bitch because like despite that they still love me and like having me around
#deity dialogue#idk like I’m the past I’ve struggled a lot with like ‘performative positivity’ where I wouldn’t ever let myself be anything other than peppy#24/7 even when it was exhausting and I wasn’t happy#and then irl I deal a lot with being treated like an idiot and infantalized and so I’ve in an attempt to make myself feel better#started to lean into it like sure make whatever assumptions you want about me I’ll find a way to benefit from you treating me like this#I’ll pretend to be an uwu sweet angel if that pleases you or whatever.#but like it’s also nice because like around my friends and loved ones I can have actual emotions other than happiness 24/7#that being said I still talk like an elementary school teacher I cannot change this I’m sorry#that’s not fake I just talk Like That I know I use and excessive amount of exclamation points and question marks this won’t change lmao#I also like to think I’m somewhat peppy and social? sure my social skills suck ass and I’m terrified of everyone ever#but I also love to talk to people and hear from people I’m just kinda at a point where I struggle to even reach out first to most people any#more. it feels like if I try to maintain contact or reach out first that I’m overstepping and should be killed in sight lmao#so again sorry if y’all don’t hear from me much or at all it’s not anything y’all did I just struggle a lot and idk how to not T-T#I have to hope that someday it’ll get easier#rn the main thing helping is the reassurance and patience from ny beloved friends <3 I love my friends sm#the tags r all over the place sorry I’m half asleep
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thethingything · 10 months
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okay I took painkillers an hour ago so I'm a little out of it but I just realised after how bad this month hit us with various stuff and how bad our depression's been, we have managed to start getting back on track with stuff:
changed our bedding (which was a big task we hadn't had the energy for in a while)
started getting the motivation to draw again
caught up on a bunch of journaling over the last few days
cleared off part of our desk
joined a party on Habitica which seems to be helping with getting the motivation to do stuff again
started getting back into language learning a bit more (we've kept up with it but only like, the bare minimum)
and probably other stuff I'm forgetting...
but anyway like, our mental health is still kinda fucked, but we're at least doing things, and that little burst of starting to do more after struggling to keep up with anything is usually a good sign for us
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katyspersonal · 9 months
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Lrb holy shit, so many very useful insights coming up all of a sudden
- I got reminded that illustrating my writing is actually crucial for me to keep going, so maybe elaborating illustrations will help me to fucking FINISH my fanfics for BB
- I got reminded that I actually used to have a very good skill, and many people loved my writing too, even if transition into completely different language environment was rocky, but language shift should not magically turn a good writer into a total wreck, right?
- I realized that writing a self-indulgent fanfic might actually be a good thing to start budging, it is good because it doesn't have to be published or even be of high quality, it is same as warmup doodles before "real" art! Lol how I haven't thought of that sooner
- I was reminded that character study(ish) fanfics were my forte, AND that the girls actually loved to peer into characters' heads and concepts with me! I could make overly analyzing characters into art...
- The "diary" format of the fanfic and variations are the most entertaining thing in the world to write. The stronger the personality of the diary's owner is, the better.
Seriously though, sometimes I forget how much I can really do, and it is just long self-reflection that helps with that :')
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vahanians · 1 year
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making friends is hard
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shamblz · 2 years
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Instead of depression drinking I started back on my home work out routine AND went for a run for the first time since I moved
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dreamyghostie · 1 year
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(:
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exopelagic · 8 months
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Guy is making things SO HARD why does he gotta keep being in different places I want to talk to you
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rainparadefromhell · 2 years
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guys i'm in my tumblr flop era idk what to do on here and it makes me sad!!
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rationaliity · 6 days
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cockwarming | dr. ratio & gallagher
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here you areeee !! your wish is my command ~ ratio and gallagher are a little mean but that's really it. also slightly ignoring on gallaghers part ? it makes sense when you read it idk i cant think of what that kink is called for the life of me
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RATIO —
ratio was going to make you listen, even if he had to force it a little bit. it wasn't directly his fault that you weren't able to stay still, sat on his lap with your arms lazily slung over his shoulders, your legs straddling his with his cock firmly inside of you, stretching you out. he'd told you to do something simple : just keep his cock warm for him while he finished this bit of paperwork that he had to do, and then he would reward you for your time and efforts. if he could do something he didn't necessarily want to do, then so could you.
at first, you were all too eager to agree to these terms, even unzipping his pants for him and getting on your knees to get his cock wet enough for it to slide in easier. this was new to you, so of course you wanted to try it out to see if you liked it. besides, how often do you get to bother ratio while he's working on his papers ?
but now you were whining in his ear, begging for him to do something. you couldn't take this anymore, not with him filling you up all the way to the top and just staying there. you were completely stretched around his cock, milking him for all that he was worth. and with every annoyingly pitiful whine, you squeezed around him even more than you already were.
" you seem to have a problem following even the most simple of tasks, " he lowly hissed in your ear. his free hand that wasn't holding his ink pen grabbing your ass, his fingers digging into your flesh, making you squeal a little. " i ask you to do something as easy as sitting still, and yet you still find a way to mess it up. i wonder how. "
despite his cruel words, you could feel his cock throbbing inside of you, begging for more attention than what he was getting. the both of you were at your breaking point, needing more than just the warmth of your bodies colliding, but his ego wouldn't let him admit that he couldn't hold himself back either. and if you were to mention it, he would surely find a way to turn it back on you.
finally, he sat his pen down, both hands on your waist, picking you up and sitting you on his desk. you yelped almost immediately as you were separated from his body, the friction of him sliding out of you almost making you orgasm right there after thirty minutes of just sitting as still as possible, but before you could really react, his lips were on yours, tasting you feverishly. ratio's hands forced your legs apart, grabbing each of your thighs so he could nestle himself in between them, his cock more than a little ready to release everything inside of you.
" i've found your specialty lies more with taking my cock rather than warming it. "
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GALLAGHER —
you figured that there was going to be absolutely no way that gallagher had better control over himself than you did. he was always needy whenever he could afford to be, always asking for your time, always wanting more of you than just a simple kiss here and there. so when the two of you made a bet that he could restrain himself from fucking you with his cock inside of you, you thought you just had a unique way of initiating sex as a game.
several minutes later, and gallagher had his cock nestled inside of you, and seemed perfectly content to continue doing what he was doing beforehand, much to your confusion. he had one hand lazily holding your waist as you sat on top of him while he laid in your shared bed, his other hand scrolling on his phone, probably looking at new drink mixes that he hadn't thought of before. that's really all he used social media for, which honestly didn't surprise you in the slightest.
and you were struggling, even though you didn't want to admit it. you really thought he would've cracked by now and started to fuck into you, but no, he hadn't. but you were dripping with need for him, needing more of him than what you were getting, and you were beginning to grow as desperate as you were impatient.
" gallagher- " you whimpered a little bit, your voice coming out as far more needy than you anticipated. " how are you holding up ? " you asked, hoping that this was all just a facade. but nope, he just glanced towards you, looking up from his phone with an almost unamused look on his face.
" i'm perfectly fine, doll. why ? didja think that just because i want to fuck you, it means i absolutely need to ? " if you were anyone else, maybe that would've stung a little bit. but you knew how he was at this point, that slight arrogance in his tone even when he didn't intend to sound egotistical was just how he sounded. but he was getting you back for thinking you had one over on him, that was for sure. you wanted to prove him wrong, but you were playing right into his hand.
" if you want it so bad, then do the work yourself. come on, doll, show me how worked up you can get. "
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— ♡ rationaliity 2024
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jebiknights · 2 months
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People seem to think that a lot of Anakin's (and Obi-Wan's) problems would be solved by Anakin having a different Jedi Master, but tbh I think most of these problems could've been solved by putting Anakin in the creche for a year or two before having Obi-Wan take him on as a Padawan. It's extremely common for Jedi to "claim" Padawans and vice versa while they are still initiates, so they can both know they will be partnered together when it is time.
This gives Obi-Wan time to be a Knight on his own and it gives him time to grieve. Might be good for him to spend some time not being part of a duo. Maybe even go to therapy that I'm not sure he had time for otherwise. This gives Obi-Wan time to prepare too. We can all acknowledge Obi-Wan enjoys teaching though he doesn't feel like he was a good enough one for Anakin. So this gives him time to prepare for being a teacher, seek out advice before he is saddled with a child 24/7 as opposed to during Anakin's occasional study hall or Benduday free time.
It also gives Anakin time to not only catch up to his age mates in school and Jedi stuff but to spend time among his peers and potentially make actual friends. It's something he seemed to struggle with in canon and not being promoted immediately to Padawan but spending time as an initiate likely would've done wonders for him socially. I think having that time for them to grow and then to have Obi-Wan still decide to choose Anakin after that time would do wonders for his insecurities.
Aside from the benefits of being more immersed in the communal aspects of the culture, I think waiting for him to become a Padawan may also make it easier to hold off Palpatine, depending on which canon you consider for when he starts to groom him. Easier to justify keeping him away when Anakin is just an initiate, not a full on apprentice yet.
Idk if you asked me what my ideal fix it would be for Anakin, this would probably be my starting point.
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haeryna · 5 months
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feeling so high but too far away to hold me ↪ gojo satoru x reader x geto suguru ;༊
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← previous | ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ | next →
summary: satoru and suguru come to a critical conclusion, but is it too late for them to mend what was broken?
tw: angst, homophobia, abandonment, mentions of (unintentional) self harm, mentions of illness, barely proofread
notes: title taken from halsey's "without me." all images were taken from pinterest and are NOT mine! i'm not sure if i like how this came out but oh well gotta get through it lol. banner is from @/cafekitsune!
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Lately, Satoru has been thinking a lot more about you.
He shouldn't be. Choso's been on his ass for stupid mistakes, like a slight misstep during practice, or the way his voice wavers ever so slightly on notes that are well within his vocal range. Nanami grumbles a bit more when recording sessions extend even further. Haibara brings him an extra water bottle during practice. Even Sukuna is slightly nicer to him, as if he can see how much Satoru is struggling.
Satoru hates it. It makes him feel weak, because he knows now that he misses you more than his heart can bear. He has women throwing themselves at him left and right, so why does a girl from a town he left behind make something in his chest twist? By all accounts, Satoru is thriving. He has a wonderful relationship with his boyfriend, his boy group has broken record after record with each single they release, and Satoru has just signed onto a brand deal with Chanel.
(He knows you're not just a girl, you were his. The only person he could bear to share Suguru with, the only person who could see past his flirtatious facade and say, "It's okay, 'Toru, I'm here for you." He knows the reason why he forces himself to believe you would have only shunned him like his parents, is to run from the realization that he abandoned you in the most horrific way possible.)
It doesn't help that his managers handle all of his social media accounts, and go through all his mail. As soon as him and Suguru signed onto the same agency, their phone lines were decommissioned, and they were given highly protected personal phones. You wouldn't be able to reach him even if you wanted to. Hell, they barely even saw Shoko, and the only reason was because they were both the only people who trusted her to take care of their medical needs.
Suguru had tried, once, to ask about you, to get a way of contacting you. Shoko had looked him dead in the eyes, steel hidden behind soft brown, and told him that, "if you were just going to abandon her like that, at least have the decency to stay gone until they could commit to her fully." The way Suguru's face had paled only confirmed the worst for Satoru; you hadn't understood. You had seen their leaving as the worst kind of betrayal. Shoko had refused to tell them more, stubborn in her loyalty to you.
At first, it was easier to hide shame behind a kind of disdain. Of course you hadn't understood what it had been like, being rejected so violently by parents you once loved. Of course you hadn't understood what it was like to feel the noose tighten around your neck until you knew you would either run, or die. Maybe if you couldn't let them go, it meant you truly had never loved them anyways.
As the months grew, slowly and surely, the tangle of excuses unraveled. You might not have understood, but you had defended him silently in small rebellious ways. The eyeshadow palette that still sat at his vanity. The birthday card you'd made him when you turned 14, with a small rainbow under the phrase "I'll love you no matter what." You too had felt the noose; you'd spent years fighting it, fighting your hatred of the small town you were forced to grow up in. "Satoru, Suguru, Shoko," you would tell them, "one day we'll all move out of here into the nicest, fanciest apartment in the city."
Grief was love with nowhere to go, and in that particular moment, Satoru found your absence particularly painful. Sighing, he stretches, resting his chin on the back of the couch to stare at the clock. 12:36; Suguru was probably still awake. Quietly, Satoru pads to the spare room in the apartment he shares with Suguru that they'd converted into their music and production room. Unsurprisingly, he finds Suguru perched on an old barstool they thrifted, gently strumming the strings of the guitar you'd gifted him so long ago.
"Satoru," Suguru says softly, pausing. "What's wrong? I thought you'd be asleep by now."
Wordlessly, Satoru wraps his arms around him, nuzzling into the slope of his neck. After a few moments, he speaks.
"I miss her."
He can feel the way Suguru stiffens slightly in his arms, before exhaling, tension releasing from his shoulders. "I miss her too. I've been thinking, Satoru."
"That's dangerous for you," Satoru chides, and Suguru rolls his eyes fondly.
"You're such a brat. I've been thinking, what if we went back?"
Satoru blanches, staring at Suguru. "What?"
"Not permanently," Suguru hastily amends, knowing how deep Satoru's scars run. "Just enough to...I don't know, Satoru. We messed up really badly. I know there's a large chance she won't even be there anymore. She used to always tell us about how she couldn't wait to move to the city. But we can at least start there, right?"
The news of Satoru's hiatus caused enough ripples for even you to notice it. Despite the fact you avoided anything to do with both his and Suguru's music career, every news outlet, radio channel, and social media post had something to say about it. Hell, you couldn't even open the local newspaper without seeing his face plastered on it, lamenting his temporary break from the group's next comeback.
Frowning, you slam the kitchen cabinet door a bit harder than necessary. Why should you care? If anything, you should be gloating with this piece of information, that not everything was perfect in Gojo Satoru's idol career. Yet, a small part of you still worried. Was he eating alright? Did something happen to Suguru? Should you call Shoko?
The door chimes, startling you out of your thoughts. Your parents are back in the hospital undergoing another round of treatments but they could have came back early. Sighing, you walk over to the door, opening it without a second thought.
"Hi, what-"
In that moment, you feel several emotions. Regret, that you hadn't checked who it was before opening it. An odd blend of concern and fear; why had they come back, was something horribly wrong? Most overpoweringly, was the deep sense of anger that welled up inside of you, seeing both Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru standing on your doorstep.
"You're here," Sator- Gojo, breathes, crystalline blue eyes greedily drinking in the sight of you. He reaches for you, but you flinch back.
"What are you doing here?"
You're surprised to see that Gojo seems hurt by that statement. Sugu- Geto steps closer. "We wanted to see you."
"Oh, so a whim?" You can't help the harshness of your voice, or the way that your voice trembles ever so slightly. "Its been years, Geto. Five years since you left, and you come back now? What am I, just an afterthought? I already knew that but my god you're such an asshole."
"That's not what I'm saying," Geto sighs, and you want to throttle him. "We missed you so much, I can't even-"
You can't help but cut him off, fists clenched and hot tears pooling in your eyes. "You could have left a note. You could have left me an address, could have reached out once you settled in, anything!"
It's Gojo's turn to speak, hands fidgeting as if he wants to pull you close. "Our managers-"
"I don't care!"
A hush falls after your outburst, and you can't help the tears that slip down your cheeks. "Did I really mean that little to you? I would have left with you, I would have done anything for you, so don't you dare try to come up with an excuse. Don't try to tell me that your managers stopped you. I loved you." Your voice breaks. "How could you?"
Both men look ashamed. Geto is the first to speak. "We thought you would have moved away. We lost our original numbers, and Shoko refused to-"
Your eyes flash. "Don't try to blame Shoko for this. Unlike the two of you, she stayed with me."
Gojo flinches. "That's not fair. We didn't have a choice, why can't you see that?"
A sardonic laugh escapes your lips. "See what? All I see is the choice you made in leaving me behind."
"What happened to you?" Geto breathes, and you fight the urge to slap him. "You were so adamant that you would get out of this town."
"Well I can't," you hiss. "Not all of us can abandon their loved ones without a second thought."
Gojo's face looks like you've just shattered his world. "You never left?"
Something in the way he says that breaks something inside of you. "Mom and Dad have whatever Grandmother had," you tell them. You're not even sure why you're saying this, but there's a sick sense of pleasure in watching it start to sink in. "There's nobody else to help take care of them. Whenever she can, Shoko will try her best to stop by."
"You've been alone," Geto murmurs, horrified.
Venom fills your mouth. "I have been since I was sixteen, thanks for asking. You think I didn't notice that you two were together? You never even said anything to me and I still figured it out." Gojo's face pales but you plow forward. "It was always Satoru and Suguru, Gojo and Geto, but what about me? I was there too, wasn't I?" Blood drips down your palms; you're digging your nails in hard enough to cut. "You two forgot about me. You discarded me, left me behind. Did you really think so little of me? Did you really think I would treat you like everyone else in this town?" You can see the pain in Geto's eyes. "As if it wasn't enough, I had to see you everywhere. It's nice seeing how quickly both of you replaced me with other women."
Gojo calls your name but you shake your head, vision blurring. "Go fuck yourself, both of you. Don't talk to me. I wish you'd never come back." Whirling back inside, you slam the door, ignoring the frantic banging and shouts. As you sink to the floor, you finally allow yourself to sob, curled up against the solid wood doorframe. I thought it was over, you think miserably. But somehow it hurts more than the day they left.
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mars-ipan · 2 years
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i hate how that whole “you can’t love anyone/be loved until you love yourself” thing is phrased but like. there is a truth to it
#like don’t get me wrong it is worded HORRIBLY#i don’t like the implication that struggling people are incapable of giving/recieving compassion#that being said.#it can be very difficult to hold a healthy relationship of any kind when you are convinced that you are undeserving of one#it can lead to a lot of things. from attachment issues to guilt tripping to self-isolation#and as someone who’s been on both sides of it#it’s a lot easier to love and be loved once you learn to treat yourself kindly#like. idk how to word it but. when i learned to treat myself better i learned to treat others better#when i realized i had a say suddenly i was able to communicate#i set more boundaries because i know my friends will understand#i open up about myself more because i trust my friends to be gentle with my more vulnerable parts#my friendships are deeper and more fulfilling. i’m happier#i’m more outgoing too. i have some self confidence so i take more social risks. i say hi more. i give more compliments#while i still have issues with ghosting i’m able to actively work on them and i’m getting better bit by bit#turns out the best way to practice communication is to do it with yourself#i guess my point is like#hating yourself doesn’t prevent you from loving others or from them loving you#but it does trick you into thinking that love isn’t genuine or that you need to maintain a façade#and that can lead to problems if left unchecked#and also i think a good first step to loving yourself is accepting that others love you#and you know they’re smart. they wouldn’t love someone for no reason#so. they must love you for a reason. they must think you’re a good person#and they tend to have good taste in people
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night-raven-tattler · 2 months
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Say hi to daddy!
Summary: How would these characters behave as fathers? What does their ideal family look like?
Characters: Octavinelle dorm (Azul, Jade, Floyd)
Other parts of the series: Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignyhide, Diasomnia, Royal Sword Academy
Warnings: mentions of helicopter parent and bullying (Azul)
By opening the document, you agree to Mx Tattly's terms of source confidentiality.
-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈
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For Azul, parenthood is the challenge of hiding the mess of a human that he has become while discovering what it's like to be responsible for a tiny human
The whole child aquiring process is the most stressful period of his life and he doesn't calm down until he's finally holding the child himself (and checkinh, double checking and triple checking everything during the whole process)
It becomes a running joke in the family that he considers the kid very talented for walking as early in their life as they did ("I was 15 when I walked for the first time!")
Jokes aside, Azul takes advantage of the fact that the kid can experience both the sea life and land life and he'll make sure to show them everything
His skills of reading people help him figure out quickly the talents of his little one and he helps emphasize their talents and develop in their weak points
After all, he wants to figure out the capabilities of the heir of his capitalist empire in the making as early as possible
He might come across as a bit of a helicopter parent, but it only comes to their social circles
Azul knows how fast things get out of hand when students at school start picking on someone
He knows the signs, he knows the mood changes, and he wants to prevent it altogether... and if he can't, he kicks himself mentally for years, no matter the effect it has on his child
For Azul, parenting becomes a testament of his determination and diligence, but it also teaches him to think on his feet more often as he is faced with the challenges of parenting
Azul looks like a boy dad (a boy dressed in a suit 90% of the time /j); he'd prefer one child but can be talked into having more
『••✎••』
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The opinions on Jade becoming a parent are split: some think he'd be the most attentive father, and some think the Leech family doesn't need any additions
Responsibility has never been an issue for Jade, and the moment he became a dad his priorities shifted towards creating a good and safe environment for the children (an emphasis on "safe")
He's a loving, doting dad who wants to teach his children everyting he knows, but he also wants to teach his children everything he knows...
The kids' skillsets are gonna be... broad, to put it lightly
Jade's not even phased when one day he comes home and finds one of his kids in his vault behind the bookshelf in his office turning his "documents" into paper airplanes
He praised them for that feat despite his spouse being very concerned
Jade can come across as slightly detached as a dad since he is quite hard to read at times, yet he tries
But old habits die hard, and the world taugh him that unpredictability is safer
It is a rule of self conduct that he teaches his children as well, since he can't have the youngest Leeches fall short, can he?
While he struggles with being easier to talk to, Jade makes a genuine effort to bond with the kids the way he knows best: mutual infodumping
While he rambles about mushrooms and their environments, his kids ramble about what they find just as fulfilling
Jade's journey as a father helps him connect with people better, forming genuine connections while still never changing the most important part of himself
Jade would like at least two children, since he found being paired with Floyd to be very convenient, and if they turn out to be twins then he'd be pleasantly surprised
『••✎••』
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The opinions on Floyd becoming a parent are split: some think he'd be the most entertaining father, and some think the Leech family doesn't need any additions
Especially when that family is grown by Floyd and his russian roulette of a mood
Yet he surprises everyone when he finds fatherhood to be quite entertaining
Floyd was surprisingly receptive ever since the whole conversation about children started; he always thought children are kinda cool, even with all the responsibilities
And even though he doesn't always help with their physical care, when he does he proves how good he is at the practical tasks
The kids get attached to him kind of quick because he unintentionally gets on their level (re: his tantrums kinda resemble his kids' sometimes)
Not gonna lie, sharing the timeout chair with daddy sounds kind of funny
Despite his struggle with his moods, Floyd usually avoids being too volatile with the kids
He's not a perfect dad, and petty fights and misunderstandings are bound to happen, but Floyd never takes anything said to him to heart
Floyd'd parenting focuses on teaching that you can always have fun, as long as you're smart about it
So pranks, practical jokes and mischievous schemes become part of the family culture
He does sometimes relent and joins in some of the more tame fun, like park walks filled with piggyback rides and tea parties with the sparkliest skirts ever
Floyd would find two kids as ideal, and he definitely looks like a girl dad to me
『••✎••』
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cremedensada · 3 months
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I’m gonna need general hcs on interactions with the boy next door… like what if we just moved to town and we first meet him as we’re moving in… Also can they be in like highschool? I don’t know if that’s already the gist but yeah. She’s moving in with her mom and he’s there…
Yandere Boy Next Door
sorry anon i think i went way to far away from what you wanted shdhdh also theyre senior high school students (grade 11 - 12) which is like, two preparatory years for college. so theyre adults bc im much more comfortable with that :33
btw his name is lukas !! he's named now
male yandere + gender neutral darling/reader
lukas is easily approachable - he's got that warmth about him that just draws people in. it's all practiced to maintain his popularity though.
he's also a huge people-pleaser, despite the fact he easily gets burnt out and has his social battery drained.
so when his mom asked him to be a dear and help the new neighbor's kid on their way around the school + neighborhood, he just couldn't say no
sure he's tired, possibly close to having another breakdown just thinking about being pestered by fellow students for answers to homeworks and other menial stuff, but he still manages to say yes and give her another perfectly practiced smile
when he goes over to the house next to theirs - the ones you moved in to, you had no lasting impression on him
now, don't be mistaken, he does think you're good looking but at the end of the day he'd much rather curl up in bed and sleep
so he puts up that perfectly crafted persona and invites you to head to school with him. a new environment is much easier to deal with when you're not dealing with it by yourself! (or something like that)
he tries not to be overbearing, trying to get you to open up while also making sure he's respecting your boundaries and comfort as you made your way inside the school gates
you don't share the same classes, so he asks you for your time table so he knows your schedule
he hopes he's not being creepy or anything, he's just making sure your first day transferring here goes well
sure he's known for being a caring person in general but he does feel like it's his responsibility to make sure you're doing well you know? you're neighbors now, you guys should get along!
it's smooth sailing until it's time you guys finally went home
like that morning, he waits for you and invites you to walk home with him to familiarize with the shortcuts and local lounging spots for students
all the while he tries to get you to talk about your experience today
it must be due to the amount of stress piled up on his plate that lead him to feel... nervous.
his perfect persona cracking as his calm demeanour and collected way of talking slowly devolved into nervous tangents talking about anything at all
were you displeased? his perfection was practiced and polished since he was a kid, was it still not enough for you?
he could handle disappointing people a lot better now but paired with his currently leaning towards unstable, your displeasure is something that's slowly tearing him from the inside
he's jolted out of his thoughts when you suddenly speak up.
"thanks for showing me around. i thought i was going to struggle getting used to things all by myself."
you smiled up at him. "so... yeah. you're... okay."
his heart thumped.
everywhere all around him feels a ton of degrees warmer.
"...okay." lukas was tongue tied.
on the remainder of the journey back home, he walked you to your house, ensuring you got inside safely before making a beeline towards their house and into his room.
normally at this hour he'd be passed out in bed, tired after a whole day of pretending and smiling. today was perhaps the first time he didn't go to bed with his cheeks hurting and aching from smiling so much.
laying in bed, making an excuse as to why he's not going to be joining for dinner, just thinking about you and your words.
lukas grew up living to the standards of being perfect. a perfect son. a perfect student. a perfect friend.
anything less is... unacceptable to say the least. when you do or think of something so often in your day to day life, it becomes a habit. and lukas' habit is perfection.
but you thought he was okay.
okay.
suddenly 'okay' sounds much better than being perfect.
suddenly your opinion towards him becomes much more important than anyone else's.
lukas is a people pleaser, and onwards from that moment, the only 'people' he will ever want to please is you.
i hope this is sufficient? i'm actually v sleepy rn lol but thank you for the idea!
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