#i still want friends in the scene but around music not drugs and who are willing to criticize it not just put DJs on pedestals

[fairy-ganj-mother]

so sick of the edm community and it breaks my heart</3 i've been going to these kinds of events for 10 years this year and lately I come away feeling disillusioned and frustrated after shows. I'm sick of meeting fucking wooks because like it's not "nice to meet you" anymore when we've met 10 times in the last 6 months and I remember every time but you're too fucked up to remember any of it. I'm sooooooo sick of a lineup of five white guys being billed as "diverse" because they all make very slightly different dubstep. I'm sick of the oversaturation of edm that all sounds the same bc people are just tryna make a living off partying instead of actually innovating and pushing new sounds. everyone is either on too high of a horse or just straight too high to interact with. I don't want to say it wasn't like this bc it probably was but I def wasn't as acutely aware of this part of the scene 10 years ago when we still practiced PLUR and shit.

[envy-of-the-apple]

A Mutual Hatred

Dark!Gojo Satoru x reader

finally kicking out the fic that’s been a draft for three years:) ahaha...aha...ha if its obvious this was written for another character...no it wasn’t

(Warnings: implied non-con, implied drugging, college!AU, dark content)

Gojo Satoru did not like you. 

He didn’t make it obvious. But, you could see the way he slowly inched away from you. And the fake fake smile he stretched on his lips anytime he was forced to talk to you. 

It was a little offensive. You never obsessed about people liking you, but the fact that someone super popular would rather not exist when you were around...well, it stung. 

It could’ve been worse. At least he didn’t openly admit his hatred of you. It was just the tiny, little things he did that made you know there were boundaries. 

But you weren’t Gojo’s friend, you were Geto’s friend. Which meant, as much as you’d rather not to go the party celebrating their latest win, you were still dragged anyway. 

A loud cheer erupted across from the room. Still nursing your drink, you gave Geto a look. 

“The baseball team,” He sighed, “Shit, sorry. I didn’t know they were gonna be here. I know they’re fucking crazy but they won’t bother you. I promise.” 

You have to laugh at his genuinely apologetic look. You wave him away. 

“It’s fine,” You say, “I don’t mind, Besides, they look....fun.” 

Your words come a bit too late as you spot the team captain trying to do a handstand on top of an extremely fragile vase. That would end well. 

“I’m glad they’re supportive of you, at the very least,” 

Geto is sighing, ready to apologize again. He promised you this would be low-key, just the basketball team and a few mutual friends. 

Now it’s just the basketball team, along with a hundred other people. 

If anything you’re impressed at how quickly the numbers formed. The music was loud, booming, nearly blowing out your ears. People were dancing, at the very least, moving together in disjointed clumps because you are pretty sure alcohol doesn’t help you with dancing. 

Voices tear you away from the scene, and your gaze settles on Geto’s volleyball squad. They eagerly start to wave him over. He shakes his head. You frown. 

“Don’t babysit me,” You tell him, “Go. Have fun.” 

He gives you a look. You roll your eyes. 

“I promise I’ll be fine. The only reason I’m here is for the free beer.” 

You’re planning on throwing your cup of cheap booze away the second you can, but you don’t want him to think he has to guard you for the night. That’s who Geto is, a self-proclaimed protector. You don’t even know him all that well but he’s still more than happy to forfeit hanging out with his friends to sit here with you. He’s a good person. 

You still can’t understand why a guy like him would ever be friends with Gojo. 

They had been childhood friends. Best friends. Stayed together until college. Maybe it was just proximity that kept them so close, because you couldn’t imagine it were their personalities. 

Geto sighs, reluctantly slipping away. 

“If you need anything, lemme know.” You nod, keeping your smile on as he gives you one last look before joining his friends. 

Finally alone, you drop the cup in the trash as soon as you can.

At least, you thought you were alone. 

“Too strong?” 

You jump at his voice. Gojo tilts his head, gazing at you with pretty blue eyes. His glasses are off tonight. 

“I-” you stumble, not really sure what to say. He was going out of his way to talk to you? “I was just-” 

“Don’t worry, I get it,” he laughs, light and airy and you’re starting to get why he has a fanclub, “Nazumaki has shitty tastes. Wanna try what I’m having?” 

He hands you an opened can. Still a bit confused, you accept. It’s slightly better. With a fruity aftertaste. When you go to hand it back, he waves you off. 

“Take it, I gotta’ drive home.” He reasons. 

Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, you accept. This was...weird. Really really weird. Gojo Satoru didn’t like you. Not even the slightest. Then, why was he being so...nice?

Or maybe you had it all wrong? You were overreacting? 

“Congrats on winning your game.” You tell him, when the silence stretches on for far too long.

“Yeah,” he responds, “you went?” 

You shake your hade. 

“Too busy,” you responded sheepishly, “but I watched the highlights. You guys were awesome.” 

“A huge improvement from fall semester.” he agrees. “Fuck, you should’ve seen us those first couple of weeks. Like a bunch of....coked up squirrels or something. Horrible passes, jumping all over the place, just-” 

He’s cut off by your laugh. “I’m sorry...coked up squirrels?” 

“You didn’t see our freshmen,” he argues, “It’s a great analogy.” 

“I’ll take your word for it.” You smile.

 It’s definitely the alcohol. On his part too. But conversation flows like you are two old friends. It’s so easy to talk to him. Laugh with him. For a moment, you almost forgotten how much disdain Gojo Satoru used to show you. 

Almost.

“You know....for a while, I thought you hated me.” You confessed, because you had to bring it up eventually. The suspense was killing you, eating you alive.

“What?” 

“I mean.” The floor looks weird. You don’t like the carpet. “On campus, you were always so stand-offish. Like you were mad at me.” 

He shoots you an amused look. “I didn’t hate you. I guess I was kinda’ just pissed.” 

You scrunch your forehead, “Oh, you were? Why?” 

“’Cuz you had a nice ass and I wasn’t allowed to touch it.” 

You blink. And then the world tilts sideways. 

What?

Hands grip your shoulders, holding you upright. 

“Woah, baby. I think you had a bit too much. Let’s go lay down.” Gojo purrs into your ear, as he starts leading you away. 

You weren’t drunk. You knew that. You barely had anything. You make a meager struggle against his unwavering body as your dazed mind starts to piece what’s happening. 

You nearly stumble into another group of people. Gojo takes the reigns immediately, apologizing on behalf of his ‘drunk friend who doesn’t know limits’. It’s so deranged that at one point you’re convinced you’re having an out-of-body experience. That this isn’t real. A dream. A nightmare. 

But this is real. He shows you the moment he shoves you into a closet, shutting the door behind him.

“Wh-what are you doing-” your pleas are interrupted by soft lips. You’ve never once thought about kissing Gojo but his lips are like pillows. It’s his strength that suffocates you. Biting and licking up your blood. 

“Would’ve done this sooner, but your bodyguard would never leave you alone for long. The bastard. Keeping you all to himself.” 

Bodyguard? He’s kissing you again, groping you through your clothes and you can’t stand to even think. Geto, it eventually clicks. His helpful protectiveness. You-you thought he was like that with everyone. 

Something, a second wind maybe, kicks up at you. You struggle against his large hands. Gojo grunts, as though your desperation was a minor inconvenience for him. 

“Stop it, fucking stop.” He hisses, pulling at your hair. You yelp. “Stop fighting this when we both know you-” 

The door opens, swinging in blaring light and the sounds of the party with it. Satoru stills, blinking up at the newcomer. You look up too, heart crackling with relief. 

Geto stands there, chest heaving, and it takes a minute for you to realize he must have ran here. You open your mouth, nothing but a warbled plea comes out. 

You expect him to do something. To grab Gojo by the hair and pull. To save you. 

But he doesn’t. He just stands there. 

When you search his eyes. You don’t find anger. You just see hunger. 

Gojo’s pretty laugh rings through the air. Undisturbed. Expectant. 

“What took you so long?” 

[sugarcoatedstarkey]

Firsts

pairings - Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

summary - Rafe was always there for your firsts.

warnings - drinking, drugs, language, fem receiving oral. (18+)

An/ I have other fics I should be finishing but this came to me this morning and I needed to write it!

Rafe Cameron.

Rafe Cameron was your first everything.

First friend, first girl boy hug, first kiss, first touch, first time, you hadn’t expected him to be your first heartbreak though.

Having been friends with him the moment your eyes landed on the quiet boy who sat on the browning grass, staring out at the kids playing. You can still remember the slight scowl on his chubby little face, you took it upon yourself to be friends with him.

Surprisingly he wanted to be your friend just as much as you wanted to be his, from that moment on the two of you were inseparable. It helped that you moved in next door to him, your parents becoming fast friends.

Throwback to the ripe age of 18, the night he broke your heart. You weren’t together, you were just best friends. Best friends that shared each other's firsts and seconds and so on. Neither of you put a label on the love you shared.

You wished you had though, the moment your eyes landed on his hands laced through Rebecca Jones’s tiny delicate hand, you knew that was the end.

He didn’t greet you that night, didn’t pull you into his famous bone crushing hug or whisper about how annoying everyone was. Instead he ignored you, Rebecca and his friends followed behind him as though he was royalty.

He wore a frightening smirk on his face the whole night, shoved at JJ Maybank who was hired as wait staff along with a fair few other pogues. Made a scene and called them names, at one point his father even had to get involved.

You felt sick to your stomach at the sight of the man in front of you, no longer the person you wanted to share your firsts with.

Fast forward to 21, you haven't spoken to him in three years. You couldn’t deny you missed him deeply, his picture still hung from the thin string lining your bedroom wall. But it was only one photo compared to the 300 you had tucked under your bed along with other memories.

It was your birthday, your eyes skimmed the people in the garden setting up for your party. Your eyes shooting to the silk black dress that hung in the doorway of your ensuite, darting your eyes back over the lawn and up at the tall house beside yours.

Your eyes search for a glimpse of Rafe but no life was found in the windows or the balcony. Letting out a soft sigh, you pushed yourself to stand. You didn’t have much time to get ready, your friends would be here soon and would want to start drinking the moment they stepped into your room.

45 minutes later you found yourself on the back porch, nursing a pornstar martini that your friend Elle had made. People had started to arrive and the sun had begun to set, your eyes searching through the sea of people for Rafe. You knew he wouldn’t show, even though at the age of 12 he promised to throw you the biggest 21st, just like the people on tv.

“Hey!”

You jumped slightly in your seat at the brazen voice, eyes landing on your friends who stared at you with worry. “What?” You questioned, grabbing a napkin you dabbed at the liquid that ran down your chest.

“I said, Barry is waiting for you by the side gate”.

All you do is nod and stand, Elle passes you the envelope of cash and keeps her eyes on the people around her. Tucking the folded up envelope in your bra, you make your way to the side of the house.

The music is loud and everyone is having a good time, your parents have gone out for the weekend to give you some space. Your friends had decided they wanted to buy something stronger than weed but were too scared of Barry to organize it themselves, but you apparently had no fear these days.

“Princess”

You knew you made a mistake instantly, Barry lent against the fence in a wife beater and ratty shorts. Smoke surrounded his face, stepping out of the dark he stopped in front of you.

You stood at the same height as him, if you had opted for heels you would have towered over him. “That dress looks good on you”.

“Here’s your money”

He cocked his head and kissed his teeth, eyes roaming your body unashamedly. You take a step back but he’s quick to step forward, gripping your wrist that held the envelope. “How about I give you something that’ll blow your mind but you pay a different way”

You shook your head instantly, you knew what he wanted. You weren’t stupid, the way his eyes darkened at the sight of you. “No I don’t think so… take the cash”

A throaty laugh escapes his lips and he tugs you towards him, your palm smacks his chest to keep you from falling into him further. You can smell the cigarette on his breath, scrunching your nose up when his lips ghost your cheek. “How about you get on your knees and put that pretty little mouth to good use”.

You tug on your wrist but his grip tightens, slipping his tongue out to wet his lips. “I have the cash, please just take the cash”.

His palm meets your shoulder, he uses all his strength to push your body to the floor and your knees hit the gravel. “Barry” you grit, your clenched fist meets his stomach and he doubles over in pain. “You bitch!”.

He coughs loudly and the little baggie falls to the floor, you're quick to grab it and jump up, throwing the envelope to his feet you step back but meet a hard wall. “Do we have a problem?”

All words that sat on the tip of your tongue vanished at the sight of Rafe, his eyes are hard and pointed at Barry. “I have the cash to pay him” your voice is just above a whisper, the skin of your bicep tingles at the feeling of Rafe’s fingers gripping tightly. “I don’t want the cash.. I want her on her knees” Barry growls, he stands up straight and steps towards you again. Pressing your back firmly against Rafe’s chest, he’s quick to pull you behind him. “She’s with me Barry”

“Oh shit man… I didn’t know she was yours!”

“She’s mine”

The goosebumps are back and butterflies swarm your belly, you zone out for what feels like a second but when you come back down to reality, Rafe is ushering you away from the scene, eyes cocking to see Barry hopping on his bike and the envelope you had for him inside his back pocket.

“I didn’t need your help”

You're not sure why you even said that, of course you needed help. There was no way you were leaving with anything unless you sucked Barry off. Rafe ignores you, pushing you forward by your lower back until you're back with your friends. Your fingers tighten around the baggie, hiding it from Rafe’s eyes.

You didn’t care that he knew you were buying drugs, it’s not like you hadn’t seen him snort lines at every party. It just felt strange, your first time doing something harder then weed wasn’t with him.

All your friends' eyes are on the two of you, mouths opened in shock. Before anyone can say anything he’s walking away, slipping into the crowd of people and disappearing. “What just happened?”

“Let’s get high”

The four of you lock yourself in the bathroom, opening the small baggie you pour the contents into your palm. “Did he say what it was?”

You shook your head, placing a small pill on the tip of your tongue. Each of their eyes watch as you swallow, holding out your palm for them to grab.

“I’m scared… I feel like we shouldn’t trust what he gives us”

“It’s fine, if it had been anything bad he would have told Rafe.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just do Elle.. take the damn pill”

Each of them grab a pill and swallow, you put the rest back into the bag and hide it under the toilet sink inside your tampon box.

You're out the door before any of them can stop you, grabbing a bottle of champagne from the bench and heading back outside. Your feet take you further into the party, looking for Rafe. You hadn’t expected him to show up, your parents made you invite him since it would have been rude to throw a party next door without inviting your oldest friend.

You spot Rafe instantly, sipping on a beer and leaning against a pole. Topper and Kelce stand beside him as the two of them chat, Rafe’s eyes meet you for a brief moment before turning away from you.

Anger bubbles in your chest, storming back through the party. The bottle of champagne now half empty by the time you make it to your bathroom, the anger fuels the stupidity in your brain.

Grabbing the pills from the tampon box you take another, wanting the effects of the drug to hit you faster. But by the time you’ve taken the last step of the patio you're swaying, throwing your arms out to brace yourself. “Shit” you laugh, the empty bottle of champagne hitting the grass with a thud.

“Come dance!” Elle shouted, her tiny arms waving above her head. With wobbly legs you make your way to your friends, dancing wildly with them until a hot body comes up behind you and circles their arm around your waist, pressing you firmly to their crotch. “Hey”

You let the person dance against you, hands wandering your thighs and your stomach. The fingers of the stranger behind you brushes the underneath of your breasts before groping a handful, your mouth parts just a tiny bit and your ass presses firmer against him.

“What the fuck?”

Spinning on the spot at the loss of warmth behind you, the guy who had been dancing with you was on the floor. Rafe towered over you once again, his fingers grip your bicep and he’s pulling you away from the party. You notice no one watches the two of you, music drowning out any chatter around them.

“Rafe! What the hell is your problem!” You growl, wriggling in his grip only causing further pain to your arm. You give up rather quickly and let him drag you back into the house, pushing you through the door of the downstairs bathroom and closing the door behind him.

You press up against the bathroom sink and cross your arms, your eyes drift up and down his body. You can hear the harsh breaths Rafe was letting out, his forehead creased in anger. “I haven’t spoken to you in 3 years… you can’t just show up and manhandle me”.

His eyes meet yours finally and he takes a step closer, not close enough for you to touch him though. His cologne invades your nostrils and your cheeks heat from the memories of his hands on your body. “If you're not going to talk I’m leaving… it’s my birthday”.

His eyes finally drop from your eyes and he takes in your body, starting at your sneakers, drinking in the sight of your slender long legs, stopping for a tad longer on your breasts and then back up to your eyes.

You can hear your heartbeat in your ear, Goosebumps litter your skin and you have to brace yourself against the vanity table, legs wobbling from his gaze. “Happy birthday”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, your shoulders relax at the sound of his voice. A voice you hadn’t heard up close in so long, a voice you dreamt about every night. “Thanks”.

The both of you are silent again, the sound of the party behind the door grows louder as the drugs start to lose their effect. “You look nice”

“Thanks”

He takes a step closer again, the toes of his shoes meet yours. The two of you look down briefly and then back at each other, you can smell the scotch on his breath, it's intoxicating.

“Rafe” your fingers touch his bicep softly, electricity flows through the tips of your fingers all the way to your heart. “I’ve missed you” he whispers seconds before his lips are on yours, all the memories you share together hit you like a tidal wave. Your knees buckle but he’s quick to wrap his arm around your waist and pull you closer to his chest.

“Missed you so much” he grunts, lips peppering kisses against yours. Down your jaw until they meet the base of your throat and he sucks hard, a soft whine escapes your parted lips. “Fuck”.

He grips your hips and drops you on the vanity table, pushing himself between your parted thighs, the heels of your shoes press firmly against his backside, pulling him closer to you. “You taste so fucking good”.

“Fuck Rafe… just like that” you whine, his hips roll against yours. His fingers grope and massage the skin of your thigh, pushing up the length of your dress to expose your nude thong. Your arousal soaks the front of your panties, your knees try to lock together in embarrassment but his thick frame holds them out. “I still make you as wet as I did 3 years ago” he groans, with one swift movement he’s ripped them at the crotch. Your pretty wet pussy exposed to his hungry eyes, his large hands tug you closer to the edge of the sink, dropping to his knees in front of you.

The sight has you clenching around nothing, arousal weeping from your needy hole. He places your feet on his shoulders and situates himself between your thighs. “Be a good girl for me y/n… let me eat your pussy for your birthday”

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth and nod frantically, the tip of his nose brushes your delicate clit. Your hips jut up to his face, a wicked smile paints itself on his lips. His tongue drops out slowly, the sight of the wet muscle has you whining. “Happy birthday sweetheart”

His hot tongue glides between your folds, your head falling back against the mirror in pure delight. “Oh fuck” you cried, pressing the balls of your feet into his shoulders. His hands grip the outside of your thighs, pulling your legs further apart until he can see your cunt in all its glory, glistening from your arousal. He could see your inner muscles clenching at the sight of him watching you. “Please Rafe” you begged, his lips dropped back to your pussy. Sucking and licking your overly sensitive nub, two of his fingers slip between your opening. Your back arching as he tapped at your g spot, you're sure you can see stars as he works himself on your pussy. “Sweet Jesus… Rafe! Yes yes yes”

The grunt of his approval vibrates against your clit, grinding your hips into his face. Your arousal coats his lower half, nose red from pressing himself so deep into your cunt. “I’m close! Rafe… right there! Holy shittt” your screams can be heard outside the bathroom door, the grip on your thighs are tight as he holds you close to him. You ride out your high, a thin layer sweat coats your chest and forehead. The back of your head hurts from the brutal force of you pushing against the mirror to steady yourself, you watch in silence as Rafe pulls away from you. Just as you open your mouth there are loud bangs on the bathroom door.

“Rafe! Man! Rafe quick Rebecca is outside looking for you!”

He’s out the door in seconds, leaving you alone and feeling dirty. Pressing your thighs closed you let out a silent sob, tears stream your face as you clean yourself up and throw away the ripped panties.

You take a few moments to calm down and slap some sense into yourself, you should have known Rafe was still seeing her. You should have told him to leave the moment he turned up, he was the Rafe you knew.

You exit the bathroom quietly and rush back downstairs in search of a drink, grabbing ahold of the tequila bottle.

As you step onto the patio, your friends quickly greet you. Your eyes stay on Rafe though, ignoring the chatter behind you, your eyes fall to the hand of Rebecca’s, it lay upon his chest in a gesture of adoration. A beautiful diamond placed upon her ring finger, the butterflies in your belly all but die. The beating of your heart is the only thing you hear, he notices where your eyes have landed and he is quick to place his much bigger hand over hers, hiding the beautiful ring from your vision.

He’s engaged.

Rafe Cameron got engaged.

Rafe Cameron had his first engagement and it wasn’t with you…

“Come on let’s go dance” Elle says, noticing the way both you and Rafe stare at each other. You squeeze your eyes shut for a brief moment when Rebecca reaches up to kiss his cheek, bringing the bottle of tequila to your lips. The alcohol burns your throat in the most satisfying way.

Your eyes open to catch the worry that finds its way onto his features as he watches you throw back way too much alcohol for your small body.

“Let’s get fuck up” you exclaim, walking away from your friends and towards the bar your parents had hired for the night.

“4 shots please… actually nah, just give me that bottle of whiskey”.

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[eddiesghxst]

PRICE OF FAME (PART 10/12)

helloooo, here are these two messy cuties once again, i hope you enjoyyy

18+ — MINORS DNI

pairing: rockstar!eddie x journalist!reader

summary: time is almost up but who could deny a good karaoke session?

contains: enemies to lovers trope, alcohol consumption, mentions of drug use, sexual themes, slight angst, those awkward/cringey scenes where they're singing (i apologize in advance), and lots of mixed feelings <3

word count: 3.9k

| previous part | next part |

| series masterlist | -main masterlist- |

song inspo for this chappy hehe:

Steve and Robin love karaoke. 

Nancy had warned you that the friendly pair practically fiend for a good karaoke sesh, but you hadn’t expected them to be as enthusiastic as they turned out to be.

For some odd reason, the city seems less busy today, so you, Eddie, and Eddie's friends can take up as much room as you’d like on the sidewalk. 

In front of you, Robin and Steve are seriously debating what the first song on the queue will be. Walking just a few paces behind them is Nancy, who’s quietly taking in the city's bright lights; and next to you, palm burning a hole through your hand with his addicting touch, is Eddie.

It’s stupid, you think. The way Eddie has seen you stripped down and bare, whining and quivering for him at what could arguably be your most vulnerable state, yet you still find your heart racing 100 miles a minute with this soft gesture of holding hands.

Sure, you’ve held his hand before, but not for this long. Not in public when it’s not the heat of the moment and you’re simply walking around. It’s weird and new, and it makes your stomach twist in a good way, but fuck— you chicken out when Robin and Steve turn to face you, Nancy, and Eddie.

“Steve wants to start karaoke with Queen— like any karaoke amateur would.” Robin huffs as Steve rolls his eyes. You slip your hand from Eddie’s hold before either of them can clock the gesture, and you avoid looking at Eddie when he clears his throat.

“Because it’s the perfect opener!” Steve stresses. “Everybody always does, Queen, Steve! Plus, I’m not even sure I can physically pull through with how long their songs are.” Robin argues. 

Steve’s jaw dropped as if Robin had just said the most foul thing he’d ever heard, “Their songs are not that long. And even if they are, they’re fucking amazing, so what’s your point.” “My point is we’re not starting the night with Queen.”

They’re an interesting group of friends, you’ll admit. Interesting in the sense that you swear they could be a part of some sitcom with how funny and unpredictable their conversations and interactions are.

By the time you reach the karaoke bar, Steve and Robin have an entire list of songs mentally queued up, and they make a beeline to the DJ operating the music as you and Nancy snag a table towards the middle of the room. The bar is to one side of the room while the stage is at the front, and the DJ booth is at the back; the rest of the room is full of tables where people chatter, laugh over drinks, and sing along with whoever is currently doing their performance. Eddie had split off to get drinks the second you entered the bar, so it’s just you and Nancy as you settle at the wooden table.

“Are you going to sing?” Nancy questions from the other side of the table. You pull a face, shrugging your shoulders up to your ears, “I’m not sure, maybe once I get a few drinks in me. How about you?” Nancy softly laughs with a playful roll of her eyes, “Unfortunately, I doubt Robin will let me escape this one.”

As if summoned, Robin slides into the seat right next to Nancy. “I put you down together, but there’s a few people ahead, so start thinking of the song you’ll sing.” She gestures between you and Nancy. You shrug, accepting defeat, and before you can pitch an idea for a song to Nancy, Robin is leaning her elbows against the table and blinking at you, “So, let’s cut to the chase. What’s going on between you and Eddie?” She asks.

Nancy’s eyes widen as she instinctively jabs her elbow into Robin’s ribs, “Ow!” “Rob, you can’t just ask people that— god.” You softly laugh as Robin rubs at her sore side. “Sorry if I’m interested in keeping tabs on my friend!” Robin sarcastically argued.

Nancy rolls her eyes and sends you an apologetic look. “Look, I’m just guessing— based on the fact that you two were in the back of a fancy restaurant— that something is going on. Oh— unless this is, like, a business thing, then you can totally ignore me.” Robin rambles.

“Robin,” Nancy stresses. Your cheeks seem to ache from the amused expression on your face as Nancy turns to you, “You don’t have to answer either way since it’s none of our business.” She says, voice raising near the end as she glares at Robin. Robin rolls her eyes, and you laugh with a shake of your head as you shift in your seat. “No, it’s fine, I understand, but um,” You shrug, “It’s just a business thing.” You finally answer.

And, technically, you’re not wrong. There is a business transaction going on between you and Eddie… and the rest of the band, which is primarily the basis of your relationship, but you’re not sure how appropriate it would be to say, ‘Yeah, I mean, Eddie hated me, but now he doesn’t, so then we fucked yesterday but then his manager basically told us to squash whatever that was, so now we’re kind of in a weird spot because we don’t hate each other but we can’t like each other. Oh yeah, and here’s the kicker, Eddie’s been a total asshole this entire time, and it’s fucked with my head a bit. But apparently, he wants to change!’

It’s a colorful mess of loopholes and twists and turns that probably nobody will fully understand aside from you and Eddie, so…. business thing it is. 

Robin seems to take that as an answer, but Nancy is now intrigued by your tone, “That didn’t sound very sure.” She playfully raises a suggestive eyebrow. Robin hums, “What happened to it being none of our business?” She points out, to which Nancy just waves a dismissive hand in response. “It’s a business thing, but…” Nancy prods. Your face warms as you lift your shoulders in a shrug, “I mean, it’s… it’s complicated.” 

Nancy nods with a shrug as she shifts in her seat, “So, how did you two meet?” 

You take a deep breath as you lean to rest your elbows on the table, “Well, I’m a writer for Rolling Stone magazine—” Robin gasps, grabbing your attention, “No shit? Nancy’s a journalist too— ow!” She turns to look at Nancy with a disgruntled look as she rubs her thigh, “Would you stop bullying me?” She frowns.

Before either of them can get far into bickering, Eddie and Steve come waltzing back to the table with drinks in their hands. Eddie snags a seat beside you and passes a drink to you; you smile as you gratefully take the glass and softly thank him. Steve plops down next to Robin, sliding her and Nancy their drinks as he says, “Alright, I hope everyone has their songs picked out because I plan on battling each and every one of you.”

Although the weather outside is on the more chilly side of summer days, you find your body warm with liquor and laughter as you, Nancy, and Eddie watch a tipsy pair of Steve and Robin sing a surprisingly good rendition of Huey Lewis’ Heart and Soul. You’ve shrugged off your sweater and tossed it over the back of your chair— and you’re thankful to have thrown on a tank top underneath because, most of the time, you hardly bother to wear anything beneath sweaters.

It’s their fourth song of the night, Eddie and Nancy have both gone up at least once, but you’ve been on the observant side mostly, enjoying the ongoing conversations you’ve had with Nancy. There’s a bowl of chips and salsa in the middle of the table, and Eddie’s arm is draped across the back of your chair, heat pouring from him and seeping all around to wrap you up in an Eddie-scented bubble— it’s nicer than you’d care or like to admit.

Nancy has turned around to watch and cheer on the performance; she’s become more animated and loose after a few drinks, and you laugh as Robin practically serenades her from the stage. You lean back in your chair, softly giggling as you slightly lean into Eddie, “So,” you grab your drink and glance at the boy on your side, “What’s the dynamic here?” You ask with a jut of your chin towards his friends.

Eddie hums, leaning further into his chair, and in turn, pressing himself closer to you. His breath is warm against your ear and cheek, curly strands brushing against your skin as he speaks, “So basically,” He dramatically sighs, and you smile at his dramatics as he gestures between his friends, “Nancy and Steve are exes from high school and Robin and Steve are best friends.” You nod, gaze darting between the friends as you connect the dots. “But,” He raises a finger over his glass, “Robin and Nancy are dating now.” Your eyebrows raise at the full circle of events, but you nod as your suspicions are finally confirmed. 

Eddie leans closer, voice dropping to a lower volume, “But at this rate, it’s safe to say Nancy’s playing third wheel for Steve and Rob since they practically share one brain cell.” You tilt your head, “Okay, I see it now.”

Nancy glances over her shoulder to glare at you and Eddie from her seat, “I heard that, assholes… you’re not wrong.” She grumbles. You and Eddie laugh as she turns back to face you both now that Steve and Robin are hopping off the stage.

“Steve’s actually seeing a girl now; she’s in nursing school.” Nancy pipes up, grabs a chip, and pops it into her mouth. Eddie leans forward at that, keeping his arm on your chair as he uses the other to grab a chip for himself,  “Nursing school?”

Nancy nods as she sips her drink, “He goes down to see her like every other weekend. And they run our phone bill up like hell.” 

Robin plops down into her seat, “What are we talking about? Steve’s hot nurse babe?” She asks, humming when Nancy nods. Robin scoffs as she turns to Eddie, “Can you believe they’ve been dating for, like, four months, and we have yet to even see a picture of her? They see each other every week!”

Eddie snorts, “Then who’s he talking to on the phone?” Robin shrugs, “Who knows at this point.”

Steve returns as if on cue, sitting down with a sigh as he glances at the table, “What’d I miss?”

“Nothing, just talking about your imaginary girlfriend.” Robin teases.

Steve groans, eyes rolling before glaring at his giggling friends— your cheeks hurt from smiling. “She’s real, okay? She’s real, and her name is Cassie, and the only reason you haven’t met her yet is because she’s literally in nursing school— she has a busy schedule!”

And although you wish Eddie and you had been able to finish your discussion without the abrupt interruption, you find yourself growing fond of this shade of Eddie— sure, you’ve seen him having fun and being unapologetically himself with Gareth and Jeff and even on stage, but this side of Eddie is softer— kinder, brighter— homey. 

You realize as you watch him singing his heart out to some mainstream pop song that Steve somehow talked him into doing. You’re more surprised that Eddie knows the lyrics, but you’re too tipsy to dwell on it because Nancy’s scooting onto the chair beside you and asking what song you two should sing because, “We have to outsing them, obviously.”

And, well, you hardly have the time to stop your lips before you lean in and tell her the song you’d like to sing. Nancy snickers, giggling at the obvious undertone of the chosen song, and she eagerly agrees because “He’s gonna shit his pants.”

You go back and forth on who will take which role— who will sing Tom Petty’s key, and who will sing Stevie Nicks's key— but then you eventually land on just singing together for the entirety of the song. When the boys finish their song, Nancy drags you up to the DJ to request the song and magically persuades him to let you skip the queue of people to go next. She’s a good flirt, that’s indisputable.

You should probably thank Nancy at some point for agreeing to this song regardless of how little information she has about your situationship with Eddie, but before you even get the chance to, you and Nancy are already singing the first line of the song— Baby, you'll come knocking on my front door. Same old line you used to use before— and well, Eddie’s head has never turned his head faster, but you avoid his gaze for as long as you can.

And you’re doing good; you’re doing so good, and then you get to the second chorus and lock eyes with Eddie as you sing along to the track with Nancy— Baby, you could never look me in the eye. Yeah, you buckle with the weight of the world. Stop draggin' my, stop draggin' my, stop draggin' my heart around— and, well… you think you made your point clear.

You and Nancy have a blast singing to Nicks and Petty, and when the song ends, the bar claps and cheers as they do after every performance, and you’re all smiles as you waltz back to the table, sitting next to the fidgeting boy you’d just indirectly serenaded. Steve and Robin are telling you and Nancy how well you did and teasing each other over specific parts of the performance, and they’re all so caught up in one another that they hardly notice as Eddie leans into your space, voice low and gravely as he speaks, “That was cruel, princess.”

You look at him, eyes falling to the ghost of a smirk that dances across his lips before you reach forward to grab your drink, wrapping your lips around the thin, black straw, maintaining eye contact as you shrug, “Did you get the hint?” You tease.

Eddie huffs around a laugh, shifting in his seat, left arm back to barricading the back of your chair, and you don’t fail to notice the tent in the crotch of his jeans. He rolls his tongue over his teeth, snickering when you raise an eyebrow, “Yeah… Yeah, I got the hint.” He nods, and you think you might see a pink tint dusting across his cheeks.

You smile, liquor making you bold as you blink up at him, “Good.”

It’s a long trip to the hotel with a pair of drunk best friends.

They ramble a lot— Steve and Robin— you come to find out, and Nancy and Eddie have become experts at handling them with ease. You realize this as you watch them get their friends tucked into bed. Nancy is tipsy, but Eddie informed you that she has a weird thing with tequila where she becomes highly functioning, so she’s moving about the room with grace and precision.

When the drunk pair is finally tucked into bed, Nancy walks you and Eddie to the door of the hotel room, thanking you for taking the time to make sure they got in safe. “I would say see you at breakfast, but I doubt these two will have crawled from the grave by then.” Nancy gestures back to Robin and Steve. 

You don’t blame them; they’re basically on holiday, and you would do the same.

Your and Eddie’s rooms are on a different floor, and it’s a long ride up to the top, especially with the burning desire for one of you to say something— what, you’re not sure.

“I like your friends.”

That was you talking, you realize when Eddie turns to you with a smirk, “Yeah? They didn’t scare you off with their incessant shithead behavior?” He jokingly questions. You hum with a laugh, “I’ve dealt with worse.” You tease.

Eddie walks you to your room, his intoxicating smell and presence hovering around you as you unlock the door before stepping in. You turn around, hand resting on the edge of the door as you look at the curly-haired boy, “Good night, Eddie.”

Eddie hums, leaning against the door frame, eyes flickering to the twist of your mouth before reaching your eyes again, “Not gonna finish our conversation?”

You scoff, rolling your eyes, “I hardly believe you’d be doing much talking if I let you in right now.” And you don’t think you’re ready to travel down that path again. Not so soon when you have the events of tonight to digest, not to mention the gift sitting in your bag.

Eddie shrugs with a small smirk, “I can multitask.”

His gentle smile is beautiful. Alluring and unique, and his eyes are taking you with such an intensity that you think you might melt if you stay a minute longer. “I didn’t choose that song for the hell of it, you know?” You ask. “Stevie’s got a mean fucking range. Lord knows if I’ll be covering her again.” You grumble. And really, how high can the woman go with her rasp?

Eddie laughs, turning his head and glancing at the empty hallway before looking back to you, “Yeah, I know,” He softly replies.

You nod and he takes a deep breath, nodding towards your bag slung over your shoulder, “Listen to the tape.” He reminds you.

You tilt your head, clenching the strap of your bag before speaking, “Are you under the impression that this would make up for everything?” You ask.

And you don’t mean for it to sound harsh or hurt his feelings, but you have to let him know that if that’s what he’s hoping, then he’s wrong. This doesn’t fix everything. This doesn’t fix the confused feelings and the harsh words. It’s a start, but it’s not a finish as well.

And although Eddie’s expression falters, he shakes his head, “No. But I still want you to listen.”

You nod quietly, gazing at each other and wishing you could start on a different foot. You clear your throat, straighten your stance, and step back. “Good night, Eddie.” You softly say.

By the time you finish showering and getting ready for bed, the only thing running on your mind is the pending need to sleep. The maids had changed out the seats so they’re not doused with the ghost of Eddie’s cologne and shampoo— but you don’t go long with Eddie out of your mind because there’s a hard object that pokes into your arm when you settle into the bed.

You groan, twisting your arm around your frame to dig out the small object from below you, and when your fingers wrap around the plastic case, you immediately remember the task you’d had for tonight— listen to the tape.

The sleep that weighed down on your body is suddenly gone as you sit up to grab your walkman and headphones before settling back into the comfy sheets.

You try your best to ignore the swirling feeling of nerves and excitement in your gut as you put on your headphones and slip the tape in, but you find yourself nipping at the skin of your nails as the tape winds either way.

It’s silent for a moment, the sound of shuffling and the soft thud of what you think might be someone setting a glass down. There’s a clearing of a throat— it’s Eddie, you can tell— and your stomach twists in anticipation at the first ring of a piano chord. 

The beginning chords are soft and slow, gentle enough to lull you to sleep if you sink into it, and the recording is so vivid that you can hear the dull thud of each key beneath the press of his fingers.

Your heart races when Eddie’s voice seeps into the melody. It’s a ballad, something Corroded Coffin doesn’t have much of, and you wonder why because the softness of Eddie’s voice is arguably one of the most heavenly sounds to have ever touched your ears.

I'm feeling a way, off some kinda drug

Maybe it's lust, maybe it's love

I know I said I'd straighten out a week ago

I'm fiending though, 'bout to reach my peak, you know

The city's got me falling now

It’s… fuck, it’s fucking good, and you haven’t even gotten to the chorus, but god, your heart skips a beat at the following line because it’s a direct callout to you.

I'm fading away, I'm losing my head

I know you said leave, but fuck what you said

As much as you wish you could say you hate it… you don’t.

Even though the song is about you and your twisted relationship with Eddie— which definitely aids to your feelings towards the track— it’s genuinely a good song. Which, okay, is slightly annoying, but you can’t find it in yourself to care as the song carries on.

The future's never looked so bright, it's blinding me

It's hard to see, I'm swimming through dopamine

Your body looks like heaven and

I wanna give up, I just wanna leave

I'm floating away, I'm caught in the breeze

The outro of the song comes and slows down, a softer sound than before filling your ears, and shit— you’re at the edge of your seat now because Eddie is singing so gently, and it has your mind swirling. 

I can't believe this is happening

What did I do? What did she do to me?

…

Mending my brain again

Please don't give up on me

This hurts tremendously

How will this end for me?

When the song dies off, you can hear shuffling again before the track ends, and you’re left with spinning thoughts as you take your headphones off and let the silent and dark room envelope you.

You have to take a moment, yanking the string of the bedside lamp to light up the room so you can see your thoughts more clearly because— how do you feel? You’re not sure, honestly, and the thud of your heart beating in your chest only clouds your judgment even more because— isn’t this what you asked for? For Eddie to be open and honest with you, to tell you his true feelings and where he’s at when it comes to you. And is it enough?

Would it ever be enough for Eddie to give you one simple, stripped-down track to allow him the chance to mend what he’d ruined? 

Your heart wants it to be enough, but realistically, it’s not. Eddie has only just begun his journey to forgiveness, and you have to remind yourself that it’s not wrong to be hesitant to let him in, neither is it bad for you to want him as badly as you do. You’re both learning, and you’re both trying to fix the damage that’s been done, and it might take time, but if you both want it— if Eddie really wants you— then the time and work it takes to fix things won’t be a bother.

You listen to the song two more times, maybe more than twice, and you let the words sink into your bones until you practically have it engraved into your mind, lulling yourself to sleep with the haunting echo of Eddie’s voice and words bouncing in the walls of your skull.

And in your dreams, you meet Eddie, and for the split second you have with him there, everything is perfect— and by the time you wake up, the ticking time bomb to make your choice is now louder than it’s ever been before.

————

part eleven

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a/n: OMG HIII, you made it to the end again !!! i would just like to specify that the song eddie has written and sang for birdie in this chappy (23 x chase atlantic) is not entirely a nod towards their relationship! reader is not specifically 23 years old nor is she struggling with any type of substance abuse, the lines that were used in this chapter are the lines that actually adhere to them imo, OKAY I THINK U GET IT I'LL SHUT UP NOW.

also, this is not the last of the songs that eddie has written abt birdie btw🫣

i hope u enjoyed and i love love love reading any and all feedback as well as ur silly thots <3 AND AS ALWAYS, TY FOR READING, I LOVE U SO BIG MWAH <3

————

cutie lil taglist: @mastermindmiko @whataboutbibi @ryanmxrie @ihatepeanutss @tlclick73 @motherfckerrr @emxxblog @ye0nvibezzn @eddiesguitarskills @bibieddiesgf @chloe-6123 @micheledawn1975 @demxnicprxncess @emma77645 @sidthedollface2

@daddyhetfield @s-u-t @hereforshmut @mmunson86 @welcometohellsock @lma1986 @birdsinmywalls @animechick555 @sheneedsrocknroll92 @spideydreams00 @lorosette @prestinalove @sirensleepingsoundly @nabiiturner @catherinnn @mossiswriting

[gabessquishytum]

You know, I bet Hob really likes dancing. He probably grew up with folk dance and a fair amount of pageantry in his early life. And as time goes on and he doesn't age, music and dance are things that stay with him. It's part of theatre and friendship and family life, he dances with his wife and he balances his baby son against his hip and bounces him to the sound of a lute.

And then he doesn't dance for a very long time, thanks to grief and puritanism. By the time he's ready to hear music and think joyful thoughts there are assembly rooms and balls, new dances to learn. He can gather his friends together in his own home and see their smiling faces. He can sing in duet with the blushing clergyman's daughter.

Someone invents the Waltz and suddenly, dancing is about touching again. It's the feeling of another person pressed close, and the intensity of the eye contact, and its a miracle that Hob makes it of the ballrooms alive with all the girls who want him on their dance cards.

Hob dances with a lot of girls, during and in between the two world wars. They press their faces into his shoulder and he holds them close, like he could somehow protect them from everything that is to come. Those same girls lose their brothers and fiancés and Hob still remains, always ready with a handkerchief and a kind word.

The first time Hob really dances with a man it's the 60s, and music is stranger than ever, and dancing isn't quite the same, but it doesn't matter, because the drugs are excellent. It means nothing at all to feel a man's arms wound around his neck and hot breath on his cheek. And Hob dances his way through the 70s and 80s and comes to terms with the fact that he loves women and men, and maybe one man in particular.

In the 90s he starts going to raves, and God if 1300s him heard the music he'd probably die on the spot but Hob loves it, loves the way his bones shake under the bass and the illicit nature of the whole thing. He nearly gets arrested so many times but somehow that just makes it even better. He kisses goth boys in the back of his car in the afternoon and at night he drives out into the countryside to whatever field or warehouse in about to be changed forever by thousands of moving bodies all entranced by the same sound.

In the present, The New Inn hosts live bands on Friday nights, and Hob works the bar while he watches. The bands are usually amateurs, but they're earnest and passionate. Hob hums along to the music as he passes out drinks. One particular Friday night he hires a really good folk band who play all the traditional tunes with a twist (think Bellowhead with a few less band members). A few customers get up to dance, and the rest are clapping or stamping their feet. A figure in black materialises next to Hob’s left elbow and watches the scene, and Hob says I bet you're not a bad dancer and Dream says ah, but you're never going to find out. And Hob laughs, puts an arm around Dream’s shoulders and sways him to the beat of the fiddle, and Dream pretends that he isn’t smiling and swaying of his own accord anyway.

And Hob remembers why he really likes to dance.

[storm-angel989]

can I request Valentino x daughter reader who unalived someone? How would he deal/react? Sorry if it's too much, you don't have to do it

💣anon

There are few things in this world that sober us faster than death. 

Around me, the city continued to buzzed with the sounds of the night. Cars honking, people yelling, the hum of electricity. Two hours ago I had been in the thicket of it, laughing and drinking. The flash of smiles across the dance floor, the movement of bodies under the flashing lights, the too loud music obscuring any outside noises. After all, no one wants to be interrupted while they’re having a good time. 

The events of the night began the way all bad relationships start. A brought drink late in the night. Sweet, sloppy kisses back and forth to the beat of the music, sweating in the heat on the dance floor. My father owned the majority, if not all of,  the clubs within the pride ring, and he’d tell you himself it was simple math. The more you dance, the more you drink. 

At first I thought I downed the last drink too quickly. His arm around my shoulder, a suggestion to get some fresh air. Ducking away from my friends, and the coolness of the back alleyway. More kisses, and the same sweetness on my tongue. 

I couldn’t be sure how long I had been out there, but something shifted as suddenly as it came on. Gentle hands turned rough, the feeling of gritty concrete against the bareskin of my back turned to dirt and hard ground. A sharp pain, a tug, and the sound of fabric as it tore from my body.

Growing up Valentino’s kid, Vox and Velvette’s niece, I had been taught to defend myself. When I turned eighteen and started going out to clubs, I had been properly outfitted with firm lectures on club safety and armed with the most advanced concealed protection.  The decision was instinctual at this point.  

My brain didn’t register reaching for the gun. Nor did I stop to think before I fired. His body collapsed onto mine and I scrambled away as quickly as I could. Around me, the night moved, oblivious to the actions in the alleyway. My mind raced and for the first time in my life,  I hit the SOS button on my VoxTech watch and sank down to the ground. My mind went numb and wrapped my arms around my knees as I stared at the would-be rapist.

To be the only child in the lives of the three most powerful beings in Pentagram city, it felt like forever before I heard my father’s voice booming voice from the street.

“Reader? Reader!” Valentino yelled. “God fucking damn it, bebita where are you?”

I tried to open my mouth but the words to answer caught in my throat. To my relief, his head turned and he raced towards me. Some part of me knew he was speaking, but my brain couldn’t make sense of it. 

Behind him, my Uncle Vox and Aunt Velvette stood, surveying the scene. Neither looked particularly bothered by the fact that there was a body in the middle of the alleyway, or my gun on the ground next to it. 

“She’s in shock, Val. And probably still drunk. Or drugged,” my Aunt Velvette said as she knelt down next to me. “Come on baby, let’s get you home. Valentino, you get her home. Vox, let’s clean this shit up.” 

My father wrapped his arms under mine and pulled me to my feet. A silent limo ride home and as he stepped into the elevator, he hit the button for his studio. I glanced at him. 

“We’re going to get you cleaned up downstairs,” he said by way of explanation. “Housekeeping already brought down clean clothes. They’re in the nurses office. I want you to shower in one of the bedrooms and make your way down there, alright?”

I didn’t respond. As soon as the elevator door opened, I let him guide me into the eerily silent studio, down the dimly lit hallway to one of the countless hotel rooms. As soon as I was inside, he shut the door and locked it. 

“You’re going to strip all of your clothes, put them in the garbage. You’re going to shower with every product in that bathroom and wrap yourself in the bathrobe hanging behind the door. Do you understand me?” Valentino asked, not unkindly. “Daddy will take care of it, but I need you to do your part.” 

I nodded and stepped into the spotlessly clean bathroom. Numbly, I did exactly as he instructed. As I wrapped the robe around myself I caught my reflection in the mirror.

The eyes of a murderer stared back at me.

My stomach turned and I coughed bile and vodka into the sink. I heard the door knob turn and felt my father pull back my damp hair. 

“It’s alright honey, get it out,” he said softly. 

“Daddy, I killed someone,” I choked out as I turned to face him. “Daddy, I…”

“Shussh,bebita,” he interrupted gently. His hand cupped my chin in his hands and gently wiped my mouth. “It’s okay. Daddy took care of it.” 

“Daddy, he-”

“Your Uncle Vox caught it all on camera,” he continued. “The drugging. The almost rape. You did nothing more than defend yourself. Not that anyone will ever know that you had any involvement.”  He walked over to the garbage and tied the bag that contained the remains of my clothes. “Not that anyone will ask questions, but if they do sweetheart, you know nothing. The tapes from the surrounding areas are gone, understood? Now let’s go get you checked out, hm?” 

I let him guide me out of the bathroom and down the hall. Unlike all the other times I had been in there, the nurses office was completely empty of everyone except us. 

“Sit on the bed,” Valentino instructed. “I’m going to take a blood sample. See what’s in your system.”

I obeyed and a few seconds later, the door opened as Vox and Velvette walked in. 

“How’s our sweet girl doing?” Vox asked as he sat down on the bed next to me. He ran a hand down my back. “Honey?”

“Val, is she out of it or just in shock still?” Velvette asked as she locked the door behind her. 

“I’ll know in a moment, is it all taken care of?” Valentino asked as he walked over to me. 

Vox stood up and crossed his arms. “Of course it is, I…” his voice trailed off and he looked at me. “We can talk about it later.”

“Bebé Muñeca, give me your arm,” Valentino told me. 

I offered him both and he tugged up the sleeve of my left arm. A quick pinch later, he had a vial in his hand. He turned away and I watched as he added several droplets of my blood to a card. Instantly, a line turned bright green, purple and pink. 

“Interesting mix. Had to be in his salvia. Did you see them kissing or sharing drinks?” 

“Both,” Vox replied. “I’m sure he slipped it under the tongue. She wouldn’t have noticed anyway, it’s so sweet.”

Sweet. I thought the kisses tasted that way because of the drinks. Guess now I knew better. 

“Baby, do you want a shot or a drink?” Valentino asked as he turned to me. “I can give you the drugs to counteract it either way, but you choose.” 

I swallowed and looked at the three of them. “Daddy, I killed someone.”

I watched them exchange glances and a strange expression crossed my fathers face. Sadness? Concern? Slowly, he nodded. 

“Reader,” my Uncle Vox said softly. “Honey, look at me. Your daddy asked you a question.”

I turned my head back towards Vox and our eyes met. Warmness washed over me and my mind turned from numb to a peaceful mix of relaxation and happiness. Flashes of the night, dancing with friends, taking shots of vodka and climbing in the limo as I waved goodbye to my friends. My Aunt Velvette helping me into the shower and wrapping myself in my bathrobe. 

“I’m sorry, what was the question?” I asked.

“Babygirl, do you want a shot to help your hangover or do you want to drink it from a cup?” Vox asked. “What would feel better to your body?”

“Probably the shot? I feel tired. Auntie Vel, what time is it?” I asked. 

“It’s late,” she replied simply. “Almost bedtime. Once your Daddy gives you the shot, we’ll go up to bed.” She sat down next to me. 

“I don’t remember the car ride home,” I said as my father pulled my arm towards him. “How much did I have to drink?”

“Too much, sweetheart,” Valentino replied as he slid the needle into me. “But this will make you feel so much better.”

I felt the cool liquid slide into me and tiredness washed over my body. I leaned onto my Aunt Velvette’s shoulder and closed my eyes. I felt my fathers hands lift me up and the movement of his body as he carried me out of the room. 

“Don’t worry bebita,” I heard my father whisper.  “Daddy will always take care of you.”

[grungeprincess2]

Kurt Cobain Quotes

1. I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

2. Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

3. Friends are nothing but a known enemy.

4. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.

5. If my eyes could show my soul, everyone would cry when they saw me smile.

6. I am definitely a feminist. I'm f--king disgusted by the way women are still treated. It's 1993 and some people still think we're in 1950s. We need to make more progress. There needs to be more female musicians, more female artists, more female writers. Everything is dominated by f--king males and I'm sick of it!

7. Thank you for the tragedy. I need it for my art.

8. Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with with your self-esteem. They're no good at all.

9. We're so trendy we can't even escape ourselves.

10. I definitely feel closer to the feminine side of the human being than I do the male - or the American idea of what a male is supposed to be. Just watch a beer commercial and you'll see what I mean.

11. I mean, I’m definitely gay in spirit, and I probably could be bisexual. But I’m married, and I’m more attracted to Courtney [Love] than I ever have been toward a person, so there’s no point in trying to sow my oats at this point. [Laughs] If I wouldn't have found Courtney, I probably would have carried on with a bisexual lifestyle.

12. Ever since the beginning of rock and roll, there's been an Axl Rose. And it's just boring. It's totally boring to me.

13. I thought I would try to be gay for a while, but I'm just more sexually attracted to women. But I'm really glad that I found a few gay friends, because it totally saved me from becoming a monk or something.

14. If any of you, in any way, hate homosexuals, people of a different color or women, please do this one favor for us—leave us the fuck alone. Don’t come to our shows and don’t buy our records.

15. The problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there.

16. The duty of youth is to challenge corruption.

17. We’re not as popular as everyone thinks, and we’re not as rich as everyone thinks.

18. There are a lot of things I wish I would have done, instead of just sitting around and complaining about having a boring life.

19. Punk is musical freedom. It’s saying, doing, and playing what you want.

20. Words suck. I mean, everything has been said. Words aren’t as important as the energy derived from music, especially live.

21. I'm a spokesman for myself. It just so happens that there's a bunch of people that are concerned with what I have to say. I find that frightening at times because I'm just as confused as most people. I don't have the answers for anything.

22. Holding my baby is the best drug in the world.

23. No one is afraid of heights, they’re afraid of falling down. No one is afraid of saying I love you, they’re afraid of the answer.

24. I use bits and pieces of others’ personalities to form my own.

25. If you die you're completely happy and your soul somewhere lives on. I'm not afraid of dying. Total peace after death, becoming someone else is the best hope I've got.

26. I just can’t believe anyone would start a band just to make the scene and be cool and have chicks. I just can’t believe it.

27. To be positive at all times is to ignore all that is important, sacred and valuable. To be negative at all times is to be threatened by ridiculousness and instant discredibility.

28. You can’t buy happiness.

30. Nobody dies a virgin. Life f***s us all.

31. Music is energy. A mood, atmosphere. Feeling.

33. If you’re really a mean person you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.

34. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too f****** sad.

35. I have to admit I’ve found myself doing the same things that a lot of other rock stars do or are forced to do. Which is not being able to respond to mail, not being able to keep up on current music, and I’m pretty much locked away a lot. The outside world is pretty foreign to me.

36. I really miss being able to blend in with people.

37. It’s better to burn out than fade away.

38. God is gay

[poisonedprose]

₊˚✧ heart breaker. — in which you'd wait for ellie a thousand lifetimes if you had to

college!ellie williams x fem!reader

warnings: 2.4k words, light smut (at the end, its not important to the story, you can skip it!), cursing, y/n use, jealousy, (mostly) one sided pining, cheating, mentions of catcalling, alcohol, drug and overdose mention,

masterlists

Everything about you angered her. Her face, her attitude, her personality. She held herself high like she was untouchable. The way everyone laughed when she made a joke that wasn't even funny. Every time you saw her in the halls or in class you wanted to rip out your intestines- or maybe it was hers you wanted to rip out. 

Now, was no different. There she was... with Ellie. Out of every single girl in this school, she chose the one you've been madly in love with since middle school. It was almost as if she was taunting you, showing that Ellie was capable of loving someone- everyone- romantically, except for you. Your eyes watched her every movement, watching as she laughed and grabbed Ellie's arm as she did. Watching as she took Ellie's drink right out of her hands and took a sip. Watching as her hands landed on Ellie's hips and her lips pressed against Ellie's.

Ellie knew you liked her, it was impossible not to tell. Your eyes would light up whenever she walked into the room. She refused to give in to you. She could feel your eyes on her, they always were on her. Part of her liked the attention, liked entertaining you. She liked knowing everywhere she went there were eyes on her. 

It was selfish, no doubt in her mind. Was it wrong for her to want attention from the only person who ever truly saw her for who she really was? She pondered the answer, day and night, but no matter what conclusion she came to, it didn't matter. Not when you fluttered your eyelashes and asked her how her day was like she was the only one in the world that mattered. There was something about you. There always was. 

"Y/N!" She called when she noticed your burning eyes on her and Ellie. It was hard to hear her over the music at the party Dina tricked you into coming to but she gestured for you to come over. You debated it for a moment. It made you feel guilty, she was never anything but nice to you but it didn't matter what she did or how nice she was. She was an awful person to you, the girl who stole your one true love. 

You walked over reluctantly, you'd feel bad if you ignored or denied her request. "Hey, Cat." You said almost disappointed. You were disappointed, to be honest with yourself. You were disappointed that Ellie wasn't the one to call you over. Your head cleared of any disappointment when you felt Cat's arms wrap around you, embracing you in a hug. "How are you, girl?" She sounded happy, nothing like her usual cool and mellow self. 

You look at Cat confused and then at Ellie. "She's drunk," Ellie said, shortly. It made sense now. You nodded and gently pushed her off you. She didn't mind, or even care. Too wasted on pleasure to notice your displeasure. You felt awkward, you didn't know why. Ellie was still your best friend so why did it feel like she was mad at you? 

"We should dance!" Cat smiles and tries to take your hands in hers to dance to the shit song that was playing. "Babe, I don't think she wants to dance." Ellie chimed in, using her free hand that wasn't holding her bottle of beer to grab one of Cat's hands. You wanted to gag at the pet name Ellie had called her but at the same time, hearing it roll off her tongue made your stomach twirl with knots. 

Cat didn't seem to mind that you didn't want to dance, she just redirected her attention to Ellie, who was just a little more interested than you were. You looked away from the scene in front of you, looking to see if you can find Dina or Jesse. Maybe one of them could take you home. You knew it was pointless though. They were probably drunk by now, sucking each other's faces off before they swear to never break up again. 

"Whatcha looking for?" Ellie asks quietly, still letting Cat sway her to the music. You don't answer initially, wanting to spite Ellie, but she did nothing wrong. It wasn't her fault that you were never going to be anything more to her than her best friend. "Jesse or Dina." It was blunt and short, just like how Ellie was when you first walked over.

“Why?” She asked, but she felt like she shouldn’t of. "They're my ride." You gave up on your search, looking back to Ellie, who now had a drunk Cat swaying her hips to the music. "You're leaving?" She seems disappointed and glad all at the same time. She was always so hard to read. Ellie knew you weren't a fan of parties. The boys that catcalled every girl that walked past them, the loud music and the even louder drunks, the sweaty atmosphere, everything that a party had, you hated. 

"Can't find them, so guess not." You couldn't recall a time when you were actively this cold to your best friend, whom you were madly in love with. There was no fight, no dramatic reveal of feelings to cause a falling out, and no dirty looks, so why were you both acting like you barely knew each other? Maybe it was a defense on both parts or maybe it was just stupid young adults being stupid young adults.

"That sucks." You couldn't tell if she was genuine. "What sucks?" Cat chimed in, suddenly interested in the conversation. "She can't find her ride," Ellie explained to Cat. She was always so gentle with her. It made you physically sick. Ellie was always sarcastic or, honestly, a little demeaning when it came to you. Maybe that was your first sign that Ellie would always be out of your reach.

Cat pouts at this revelation. She turns to you and pats your shoulder, offering her shitty excuse of comfort. "Don't worry, girl! You'll find them!" She drunkenly and optimistically smiled. You doubt you would find them, at least not until the end of the night when you'd probably have to call an Uber anyway. You nodded at her as she continued to dance, no longer interested in the conversation. 

"How is Dina, by the way? I haven't really spoken to her recently." She said nonchalantly. Truthfully, you didn't know why they hadn't spoken. Did you even care? "She's good." It was simple and plain but it seemed to be enough to satisfy Ellie. "And how are you?" She asked. It caught you off guard. You didn't expect her to ask about you. The simple question almost made your heart flutter back to life. "Yeah, I've been good too. Thanks." There was a small smile on your face now. Maybe there really was no reason for you to be cold with Ellie.

She nodded at you, awkward as always. That will never change about her. You get lost in your thoughts, wondering if being awkward will never change about her, what will never change about you? Probably your love for her. That will last a lifetime, a thousand lifetimes even. "I'm gonna get another drink." Cat chimed in and before Ellie could stop her she was already stumbling to the drink table. "She can't handle her alcohol." She snickered and looked down at her shoes.

"Neither can you." She adds, suddenly categorizing you with her girlfriend. "Yeah, there's a reason I don't drink at parties." Your body is less tense now that Cat is all the way across the room. You feel more at ease when it's just Ellie looking at you, you always do. Ellie can still see your discomfort though, she determines it's probably the loud music. "I can take you back to your dorm if you want." She offers, it seems she's less tense now that Cat isn't bothering her too. 

"You've been drinking." You gesture to the beer bottle in her hands. "I bet Jesse and Dina have too." She retorts. She's not wrong, they're probably way drunker than she is right now. You consider the offer for a split second before realizing you have Jesse's car keys. Even if you wanted to leave, you'd have to find them first and probably walk in on something you have no business witnessing. "I have Jesse's keys." She seems disappointed by your response. 

"That sucks." It's the same phrase she said before but this time it sounds like she actually means it. Here she goes again, unknowingly playing with your heart. That's the thing though, she did know. She knew everything she said had an effect on you and she played you like a guitar. It was wrong of her, especially to do it for her own entertainment but she already knew there was a seat in hell with her name on it. 

"Wanna go somewhere quiet then? I know you hate loud noise." For the first time that night, maybe even days, Ellie's voice was compassionate. "You don't have to do that." You spoke, trying to shut her out for a reason you couldn't come up with right now. She didn't listen though. Her hand was on your back, leading you through the crowd of sweaty people into the bathroom.

With the door shut, the music and the chatter weren't so loud. You could almost hear yourself think now. Ellie placed her beer on the sink counter. "Better?" She asked and leaned against the door, looking at you. "Yeah... What about Cat?" She'll be drunk and alone out there with Ellie in here with you. "She'll be fine." Would she though?

You leaned against the counter, careful not to knock her beer over. Thoughts raced through your mind but they all stopped when you felt Ellie push some of your hair out of your face. You looked at her, you didn't know what to say. Should you thank her? You choose not to say anything, just giving her a small nod to show her you acknowledged the action. "You're pretty, y'know?" Once again all of your thoughts stopped at her mere comment.

"What?" You asked, it was unlike Ellie to compliment you, especially knowing she had a girlfriend. "I don't mean it like that. I just mean.. go and put yourself out there. Stop gushing over me. There's plenty of girls who want you." She knew you had a crush on her? Of course, she knew. Everyone knew. 

"Yeah, like who?" You try to play cool, trying to ignore her comment where she flat out told you she was never going to like you back and that you should just get over her. "What about Macy? She seems nice." She suggested. "Yeah, too nice. She has to be up to something." You deflected. "Fine, what about Karla?" She suggested again. "She's too loud." You deflect again. "Jazmine?" She asks with a sigh. "Too quiet."

She looked at you with a dim look in her eye. "Now you're just being picky." It was true, you were being picky. None of them would ever be Ellie, so none of them would ever suffice. "They're just not you, Els." The words leave the tip of your tongue in honesty. You never thought you'd be admitting to having feelings for Ellie to her in a bathroom at some frat boy's house party.

She looked at you blankly for a moment, pondering your words carefully. "Is that so?" She said with a cocky smirk on her face. You groan and push off the counter. "Shut up." You stand in front of her. She looks out at you, no words leaving her mouth but it felt like she was saying so much. Before you could even say anything to her, tell her you were just joking around or that you'll get over her in due time, she pulls you close to her. Her hands on your hips, her lips centimeters away from yours. 

It's silent. The music and the chatter from the partygoers don't exist anymore. The only thing you can hear is your heavy breathing mixing with hers. “What are you doing?” Your voice is no louder than a whisper. "Isn't this what you want?" She matches your volume. "And Cat?" Her face gets closer to yours. Her eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips, your eyes to your lips, to your eyes to your lips. "Who cares about Cat?"

Her lips are on yours in an instant. Her words tingle through your skull and seep into your brain. You kiss her back with as much force. It feels surreal. This is definitely a dream, you convince yourself. Except it's not. Ellie knew this was wrong. Was it the cheating part of the kissing her best friend part? She didn't know, and she didn't care. If it was bad why did it feel so good?

Her hands found their way into your hair, roughly pulling it in between her nimble fingers. She pushed your head closer to her, almost attacking your face with her lips. Her other hand roamed over your body, stopping at your jeans. She smirked into the kiss as she began to unbutton your pants with one hand. You gasped as you felt it and she didn't hesitate to use this to her advantage and slide her tongue into your mouth. 

You felt hazy like Ellie was a drug and you were overdosing. The sound of your zipper being unzippered almost makes your knees weak. Was she finally giving in to you? She jerked your pants down as best as she could with one hand. Your pants and panties being manhandled down your legs. She only pulls them halfway down your thigh before she eagerly presses her cold fingers against your clit. 

You moan into this kiss as her fingers pleasure you furiously. You instinctively held onto the counter, your knees too weak to be held up on their own. Your slick coated her fingers as she rubbed through your folds, she chuckles lowly into the kiss. She was amused by you, how eager you seemed to let her cheat on Cat with you. It was almost as if you didn't care at all. "Be a good girl and get on your knees, yeah?" She pulls away from the kiss with heavy breath, unbuttoning her own jeans.   

‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎┊ㅤㅤ💋 ㅤㅤ ﾟㅤㅤ ┊‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎

[crackers4jenn]

Okay, now that it's the next day and my brain isn't just a swirling hormone cyclone of horny Looney Tunes noises I wanted to recap Misha's live show a little more thoroughly for my own memories, since you couldn't take photos or record.

*

I went with a friend who's only experience of the spn fandom is via me trauma dumping on her about it. She's seen some of the show, post-Nov 5th, but she didn't develop any sort of attachment or, you know, "mild liking" to it at all. She gave up several seasons in and declared her life all the better for it. Fair! An appropriate response, actually.

But because of this, she didn't really have an idea of what to expect from the show. Same here - I mean, I figured there was going to be a comedic element to it - but that was as specific as my understanding got. I've been watching spn con panels online for years and years, though, so I knew going in what Misha's on stage humor was like, what sort of jokes he'd probably tell. She went in blind, and she did have a fun time, but her first takeaway after was "that was.... interesting." 😂

Okay, so first of all! The venue was separate from the con, we got there a little before 7 when they were supposed to open the doors, with the show starting at 7:30. Instead, we got let in late, but most people seemed pretty chill about it. I will say, waiting in line wasn't my fave. It was very loud, we were right by the bar, there was music playing, everyone was using their Outside Voices. With my voice so hoarse, I could barely talk with my friend without her first going "What????" so I definitely wasn't making pals with anyone around. But I did overhear quite a few people who had shown up solo who were finding other people to talk to. So if you're going to a future show by yourself and you're worried about feeling anxious or awkward or lonely, don't! The fandom is friendly, they'll make you comfortable. Even with my standoff-looking ass being so quiet, people were still complimenting my hair (up in space buns) and socks (strawberries) and being generally really nice.

The first part of Misha's show was a little clunky. He came out, uttered the words "enormous cock" about his newborn self, and it took some time for him to find his pace. But after about, I don't know, ten minutes, he seemed less awkward and more comfortable being up there stared at by so many people.

He talked about his mom dressing him as a girl when he was young; painting his nails, growing his hair long, putting him in tights. How this meant that, as a child, he thought he was going to grow up to be a woman. He also talked about how this meant he was a bit of a freak in his blue collar North Eastern hometown, and he got beat up because of it.

He mentioned his mom's activism, in ways that both positively and negatively impacted him. There were quite a few tales of close calls with drugs, of a childhood sleeping in tents, of being poor, of moving constantly, of being encouraged to not live by societal rules. When he talked about his mom, there was always a lot of fondness, and at the end of the show, he was straight up tearing up reading a newspaper article about her.

He talked about getting a boner in his first sex scene, when he had a role on 24. His partner in the scene wrote "hi, Misha" on her pasties and that apparently did it for him. This story was obviously rife with "my dick is so big" jokes.

He also talked about sneaking into a Hollywood Oscar's party v. early on in his career (as in, before he had one) and mingling with the likes of Jude Law (who, of course, was at a urinal next to him admiring his enormous cock) and Brad Pitt, and Chloe Sevigny giving him her number.

He talked about his kids a bunch. His divorce was turned into a punchline or two. (But never directed at his ex-wife 💖) He brought up his new girlfriend, so I had to sit there and endure the "I bought a sex toy for my long distance lady that she mistook for a birthday present for her kid" story, which!!! I knew was coming, that's something I had heard about from previous shows. And lemme say: uncomfortable to read those words, even MORE uncomfortable to listen to him admit it aloud in front of an audience that was half cringing, half cackling.

There were a couple points where he forgot where he was going with the story he was telling, or where he kind of just spaced out, or he played up the awkwardness. And it was all very charming! He's just a charismatic guy, he's got a great stage presence. The event was like a one-man stage production slash autobiographical comedy show, and somehow him oscillating between poignant sincerity and dick humor really worked. Probably because of the aforementioned charisma. And also that he's smoking hot. I mean!! I went paragraphs upon paragraphs without saying it, so I feel I'm allowed one objectifying "awoooooga" at the end here.

Anyway, I mentioned that my friend's initial reaction to the show was "interesting" but she enjoyed herself too and laughed in shocked delight way more than she doubled over in secondhand embarrassment, so, win!!

Personally, I had a great time. I've been to a few spn conventions before and I don't really enjoy the "dance, puppet, dance!" atmosphere that sometimes happens, or how parasocial it feels, but even when Misha took off his overshirt early on and flashed some skin, no one really hooted and hollered. He did label us his therapists early on, though, so maybe we were all respecting our professional boundaries.

In conclusion: 10/10, would do it again!

[lesbianslvt666]

hunger

Musician!R x artist!guitarrist!E

In which Ellie sees how much you want to make your dreams come true so she helps you as much as she can.

but being a rockstar comes with a lot of fun, and a lot of pain…

TW: not proof read 😔👎

CW: mentions of gore, in the future mean Ellie, a bit of angst, some fluff, whiped!Ellie, a bit of loser Ellie lol, mentions of the U.K!! And a lot of fucking cursing, mentions or descriptions of drugs and alcohol, and smoking, a lot lol.

Smut in the future of course 

you couldn’t afford to continue with your studies.

not that you cared about college either, you knew you had a greater purpose since you were a child, writing songs as soon as you learned your ABC's, and singing as soon as were out of the womb.

music school was WAY out of budget.

The original plan was the U.K… too expensive to get there…

Then it was of course New York… you know the drill…

When you moved to Brooklyn you were expecting to get a closer insight on the music industry.

to be where the majority of your favourite artists grew up in.

However, you were greeted with a guy trying to mug you but getting mugged by an older woman while you flee the scene, and an extremely expensive rent for an apartment the size of a sock.

L shaped. a room, a very small study, a bathroom that didn’t had a separation between the shower head and the toilet and the smallest kitchen to ever exist.

However, the view was like no other, the big window pointing to the walls marked in art to the bone, people on the nearby basketball court, playing live music, skating or, of course, playing basketball.

Working two side jobs to pay for your needs and your pretty black cat named tuna.

still, working during day time as a receptionist and playing in ugly shit holes of bars at night wasn’t easy to maintain.

You needed a roommate fast.

and as today calls, with Mia storming out of the pub.

bruised lip after fighting a creep, guitar hanging from her shoulder and both middle fingers pointing at you and your band, while walking backwards to the exit and screaming.

"I quit you cunts! this aint going anywhere!"

you also needed a guitarist…

That’s when you started to talk with your friends, you needed someone that wouldn’t kill you in your sleep, or worse… steal all your shit and run away, or even lamer…. that would get you in a pyramid scheme.

So you called your best girl, the most precious sunshine in the world. Dina, who by now was sitting across your bed, feet on your lap while you massaged them.

for fucks sake, poor Dina worked as a hostess in a very expensive restaurant, working on high heels for six hours a day. She needed the relive.

"so I told him that if he ever came closer to me I was going to yank the little three hairs left in his receding balding stupid head of his, smash his skull hard against the pavement and make him clean his brain splattered with his tongue" her soft demeanour and relaxed body contrasting her poison laced words, however, all you could see was flowers and rainbows clouding around her.

"Dina, I need a roommate, like now, or I'll have to go back to Michigan with my dad…" you changed the subject as soon as she stopped talking, her eyes darting to you and her body lifting from the mattress.

She already had two roomies and her rent was way too good to be located in new York, you didn’t wanted her to leave such a good opportunity of a place.

"do you perhaps have a friend that would be waling to take the smallest of rooms aka aa fucking 2x2 meters study? And very small bathroom and shower that leaks and I haven't been able to fix, in this very shitty part of Brooklyn and-"

your rant was interrupted by Dina's hand on your thigh, cleaning the tears that were falling from your eyes without you noticing.

 this was your chance to prove to yourself you could make your dreams come true and money wasn’t helping…

"I have a friend… I mean she is not like,  rich, but she has financial aid in NYU in visual arts, she just enrolled a few months ago and her landlord is a fucking weirdo, also… I guess she would like to live the Brooklyn experience?, you know, all Basquiat and shit…" she said almost not paying attention to her own words while looking for her friends contact on her phone.

The pencil Ellie had on her hand was hammering the table in front of her, this lecture too boring for her to even care.

She had to add it to her schedule for extra points after missing too many classes.

Her early morning classes were a pain in her ass, she had to work night shifts to pay her "fucking new York rent" as she told her best friend Jesse.

"bzzz, bzzzz…" the sudden messages scaring the shit out of Ellie, she wasn’t dealing right now, so who was messaging her? Both Joel and Jesse knew she was in class, her last hook up stood her up after a night at a party and she had no other friends… perhaps an emergency?

She unlocked her phone, hiding it behind her sketchbook, (she was doing homework for another class)

@Dina_beatchlvr

Hey, Ellie, sorry the time.

Jesse told me u in class, but I am.

I am here with my friend, she has this free studio down here in Brooklyn, great location and pretty view from the main window.

@ells69

Sup, umm, I already have an apartment tho?

@Dina_beatchlvr

Yeah, I mean… thought you wanted to get away from your landlord as possible? 🤷🏽‍♀️

@ells69

What's the catch? How much? And who is your friend? Iont wanna die before 27 :))

@Dina_beatchlvr

 the catch is that she needs a roomie and I don’t want wtvr weirdo in her personal space.

I also happen to know that you need to renew the contract with your creep of a landord, anddddd, the place is smoke and pet frendly :)) (she has a pretty cattt)

Also this her @dyk34u

Think about it ;)

Of course Dina knew what she was doing, she knew that your insta would call her attention.

Hell she knew you was her type. (and the bikini pics work wonders for her plan)

Without a thought Ellie moved in with you, no time to check the actual location before leaving her new York apartment and took off everything with her.

You didn’t knew her aside from that one pic Dina showed you from like three years ago, yet you trusted Dina with your life, you knew she wouldn’t let you get killed or robed.

Dina and her boyfriend came with Ellie to help with the unpacking, the two being the first ones to enter the "house"

Behind them, a woman mumbling obscenities about how small the house was and how actual of a shit hole this was and how she was tricked to live there.

she looked a bit taller than you, a bit muscular but skinny, freckles dusting all over her face and shoulders as she was wearing a wife pleaser, perky boobs that displayed against the white thin fabric of her shirt and some skinny jeans, however, the most important part.

A guitar case hanged in one of her shoulders.

Perfect.

When her eyes landed on you she shut her mouth.

"sorry, ummhh, I am Ellie, you must be…" she extended her hand to you and you took it while telling her your name.

that evening was rather uneventful. really just helping her unpacking and putting things away, it was your free day at your day job. Still… you were playing almost two shows every night.

You weren't the best at playing guitar, you and the girls were enduring these shows.

all of you looking for a new guitarist.

Holding auditions with pretentious shits or men denigrating your job for being "a bunch of dykes in a whiny band"

So, a few hours prior to going to your first gig of the night you took all of your courage to ask her.

"from one to ten, how good are you at playing? Guitar, i mean…" Ellie was sitting across from you, finishing to place the headboard.

Her sight puncturing to your face as soon as you asked that.

She took it a s a challenge, squint eyes eyeing you up and down, a small smirk glowing.

"oh I am shit, a two out of ten if you count one being a new born."

her hand grabbing for her guitar nearby, you laughed at her dry sarcasm, although your laugh was short lived as soon as she started to play.

veiny and tatted hands strumming and playing a jazz melody.

her fingers waltzing smoothly like she was just a breeze on top of the strings, making it look so easy.

her eyes connecting with yours, her face relaxed and a pretty shit eating grin all over her features.

She didn’t knew how you manage to convince her to go and watch you guys play, (only at the first pub of the night.) even though she had a test the next day seven am sharp.

She was in a trance as soon as you started to sing, lyrics soul puncturing and music enticing, easy to hear, hard not to take heartfelt.

The way you moved on stage, your body contorting and dancing, music guiding you like a puppet, she wanted to see you like this for ever, it was like a spell put on her, nothing else in her mind, clouded completely by you.

You.

She knew you would make it big.

you mention coming here to make your goals come true and she didn’t had a doubt you would make it.

I mean, Look at you! Everyone around you bewitched.

When the first gig ended Ellie couldn’t think of anything else, she needed to be there when you make it big, to be beside you.

"what'ya think?" you asked her out of breath, clothes tight on your body (she was looking at your tits) from all the sweat while you took your hair up.

The veins on you neck popping out, flush skin shimmering with sweat.

"can I kiss you?"

She wasn’t thinking at all, only you all over her, you.

your mind thought a hundred thoughts in less than a second, pros and cons and then landed on "we are in 2023 girl, a kiss is like a hug now a days" right? Like, this is only friendly and of course I wouldn’t make anything weird? Right?

Right…

So you took her by the hair and pressed your lips to hers.

Her strong hands groping your ass and yours moving to her waist to feel her closer, caressing the small of her back, open mouths and the taste of liquor from Ellie, clashed with the taste of cigarettes form you.

She sent you a message when she arrived to the apartment, after that…

You didn’t saw her when you arrived.

you didn’t saw her when she left.

when you left she wasn’t home already.

you didn’t saw her when you came back from day work.

So you went to the store, out of nowhere craving noodles to eat before you could sleep a bit and then go to play.

Certainly no to entertain your wondering mind, Ellie fogging all of it, like you where walking down an infinite path down Ellie lane.

The growing anxiety quivering in you head, what if she thought it was a mistake?

However, when you came back you saw Ellie sitting.

crossed legged on the living room.

guitar on.

and a bunch of papers scattered around her.

She was learning your songs…

let me know if you wanna be on the tag list

remember that my requests are open <3

[taleofharrison]

AN: I wrote this ages ago and I randomly decided to expand on it lol and here we go.

Steve is a model, he moved to LA with Eddie the moment Eddie got his record deal. It was probably the easiest decision he had ever made, his parents still travelled a lot and his best friends had left Hawkins for college and other projects so he didn't anything left in Hawkins.

They lived in the cheapest apartment they could find near the record label's office, Steve got a full time job while Eddie had a part time job since he had to be free to record demos, talk to execs and essentially work towards releasing an album.

Eventually when the money became more steady and Corroded Coffin started making noise in the scene Steve got a part time job and started joining the guys on the studio and photoshoots. That's how he got discovered by a photographer who thought he'd look good in an upcoming fashion campaign and from that moment on Steve's career as a model just sky rocketed to the point he was considering acting too.

Steve became familiar to the fandom often being there and even could be found in music videos, he was as loved as the rest of the band was and Eddie couldn't have been prouder, that's why the decision made by their label of keeping his relationship private was devasting, hard and upsetting.

After the kiss at the sold out show, the press was crazy and fans connected all the dots. It made sense now why Eddie rejected all the groupies while it seemed like the rest of the group left the concerts with a different person every time.

Headlines were a mess. "EDDIE MUNSON OFF THE MARKET" "EDDIE MUNSON'S NEW FLING. DISCOVER WHO HE IS" "EDDIE MUNSON'S FIRST PUBLIC RELATIONSHIP: WILL THIS LAST?"

To the managers and PR team this was a mess and a crisis of sorts. The sex, drugs and rock&roll life they wanted to sell was broken. Eddie didn't give a shit though. He didn't pay attention nor care to listen to whatever the label had to say, it was his life and his career at the end of the day.

"You two" Greg, the manager spoke over the phone "have to give an interview together, make it seem like you got together during the tour"

The reporters from People magazine arrived to the their shared house in Beverly Hills. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't a mansion. After growing in the biggest and emptiest house of Hawkins the last thing Steve wanted was a huge house and Eddie just wanted Steve to be happy. Their house had 3 bedrooms, enough to have Wayne or friends over a few days and an extra room for when they were ready for kids, it was perfect.

"How long have you been together?" The reporter asked once they sat in the living room.

"Straight to the point, I see" Eddie chuckled "since high school pretty much"

"Eddie!" Steve exclaimed. He had off script but it only took one look from Eddie to follow along "well he's a year older than me and I had already graduated when we got together"

"Well I was about to start my third try on my senior year, so to me we have been dating since high school" Eddie explained further "we got together summer of 85 while he was selling ice creams in the cutest sailor outfit"

"You said you wouldn't bring that up!" Steve groaned.

"I can't help it. That really caught my eye back then" Eddie "I have photos of that, do you want to see them?"

The reporter was caught off guard when Eddie suddenly addressed him, it didn't take much to notice that if they were together, they acted as if no one else was around them.

"Uh no, it's fine" he stammered "that's not the point of the article anyways"

"Thank you" Steve spoke again "so what else do you want to know?"

After the interview and the reporter left Eddie and Steve fixed themselves some snacks and wine.

"You went off script" Steve told him "your label is gonna flip"

"Yeah, well" Eddie said after taking a sip of wine "all I care about is finally getting to kiss you whenever and wherever I want"

Eddie leaned in for a kiss which Steve gladly accepted, he was so glad Eddie went off script.

"And just in time for the Grammy's" Eddie suddenly remembered "you'll be my plus one and we'll walk the red carpet together"

[lotusparadisaea]

I keep thinking about how Only Friends would've benefited from a longer run-time and how some specific things of the show could've been handled a lot better if that were the case so I'm writing them down to have them all out there.

Giving Top a personality.

I think one of my many grievances with the show (despite the fact that I like it a lot) it’s the fact that unlike other characters, Top doesn’t seem to have much development outside of his relationship with Mew. We get to learn a little about all these characters episode from episode, yet all we know about Top are throwaway things that are almost never mentioned again or instantly resolved, or don’t carry throughout the show.

For example, his drug use. We learn about his drug use and apparently, it’s immediately resolved once Mew offers to sleep with him to make him stop. He can, it seems, stop cold turkey. Although he seems to be a very “sentimental” user (he talks about being high when he’s alone or to have fun). This is never brought up again, not even when Mew starts using. Which I found weird? I thought maybe he would get back to it after he ended his relationship with Mew, or at least have a harder time deciding not to take it, yet his drug use was mentioned once, resolved instantly, never brought up again.

Then, the sleeping pills and his trauma, we get to learn why he uses him, his trauma around sleeping alone, yet we never really see him struggling with that, in that same scene Mew agrees to sleep with him, and then we see him deciding not to take them, calling Boeing instead. Yet. We never really see him struggle with not being able to sleep otherwise. He has PTSD about a traumatic event on his childhood and I think he, as a character, would’ve benefited from a scene where, after breaking up with Mew, and before calling Boeing, he tries to sleep alone and isn’t able to, maybe showing his discomfort, an anxiety episode or something similar. The worst thing is this scene exists, where he decides to take someone else home after he sees Mew and Ray but fails, he can’t have sex with them, he CRIES and has to tell them to go away, and YET THE SCENE WAS DELETED.

Just learn more things about him in general. We know Nick’s dreams of animation and Boston’s photography, we know Sand wants to travel the world and go to music festivals, damn, we even know Cheum’s girlfriend, April, who only shows up for like three episodes is going to film school and makes confusing indie short films, yet we don’t seem to know much about Top’s aspirations, dreams, likes and dislikes, other than the fact that he used to sleep around and now he’s in love with Mew.

Boeing showing up sooner.

Had Only Friends been a longer show not being cut short by the typical run-time of your average GMMTV BL, and it had, let’s say, 18 episodes (like other gmmtv shows such as PSIHY), Boeing’s appearance in the last stretch of the show could’ve been less rushed. He could’ve showed around episode 12 and still make chaos and ruin relationships for six episodes, instead of three episodes where we barely get to learn anything about him other than he deeply dislikes Top for having dumped him. Like, why is he trying to get on with everybody? What are his motivations? Does he just like the drama? Does he have an actual plan? Like I could say: Boeing deeply regrets leaving Sand for Top, he realizes he made a mistake as soon as Top dumps him, and since then he plans to get Sand back and ruin Top’s life. That could be a motive. But we don’t know much about him, not really.

And also, sooner as in: we should’ve had flashbacks of his and Sand and Top’s relationships. I know that would’ve ruined the reveal of the actor, but I think there are clever ways to show flashbacks of a relationship without showing the actor’s face if the reveal was so important. Right now, we see Sand being awkward around Boeing but never straight up saying no, why is he so hesitant? The whole show we’ve seen him being in love with Ray, what was his relationship with Boeing like? Why did it make him hate Top so much to enact a revenge plan on him, even knowing he could hurt the person he currently likes? Were things really that insane? We know they had plans together but that’s because we were told this episode, it would’ve been so much better if the change we see Sand have in Boeing’s presence had much more context.

Exploring more the different relationship and dynamics

Okay, I think the show does a great job at this but there are things that seem so out there, that aren’t really developed or that could’ve use deeper approaches.

The group friend: why are they even friends? Did they met in university and found out they were all queer and banded together? Why, if both Cheum and Mew find Boston’s sexual life so awful they stick around him? Why did Cheum act like Ray was the only one at fault in the whole raymew debacle when they’ve always known he has substance abuse problems and he’s in love with Mew? Why does she says Ray never cares about them and yet the first scene of the show it’s them poking fun at Ray for always telling them he loves them while he’s drunk and he’s drunk all the time? The whole friend group should’ve had a deeper approach, imho.

Ray and Mew: okay, so Ray is in love with Mew. Mew knows this. We know Mew stopped Ray from committing suicide and that deepen their vow. We know Mew chose to be with Ray because he wanted to hurt Top. We know Ray couldn’t say no to Mew, even though by that point he already liked Sand. Yet we barely have any scenes of them together. We hear from their friends that their relationship was a mess, as short as it was, but we only really get one episode showing it. The next episode they broke up and are really mature about it, which? Okay, fair, but what was really their relationship like? We had glimpses of it.

Cheum and literally anyone else other than Mew: she’s Mew’s ride or die apparently, but she’s supposed to be friends with all of them. She even says if she weren’t a lesbian she would choose Ray, yet we never see her being a good friend to any of them. She’s literally a better friend to Top that she ever was to both Ray and Boston.

No half-assed plots

Sometimes it feels like the show is trying to do too much and it isn't able to. Specially these last episodes. The whole Atom/Boston debacle could've been better if it had taken more episodes to develop. We don't see his "friends" ostracizing him other than the first confrontation, but like, they literally threw him off their thesis project, even if Boston is leaving, i think he would've been at least a little worried about not being able to graduate. Atom hasn't gotten any consequences, Cheum and Mew have not apologized. I feel like this plot should've been better executed.

Same thing goes for Mew's little "Reputation" era.

And other plot points like, apparently Sand and Ray were sleeping together all the time when Ray and Mew were together? But this was never shown, in fact, it was implied Sand was keeping his distance, trying his shot with Freddie #2, telling Ray he wasn't his rebound or second option ALL THAT WHILE STILL SLEEPING REGULARLY WITH HIM?? There's a lot of "tell and don't show" in the series and it falls flat because of it.

The things they did show are good, for example, Ray's drinking problem. When we finally reach the rehab plot it doesn't feel rushed or out of nowhere because we've seen Ray drink all the show.

More development for the main couples.

This is self-explanatory, but like Jojo himself said they had to cut scenes for ALL of them because of the run time. I feel like for a relationship/character driven show, sometimes it really seems affected for the short run time. There are scenes we see in previews we don’t get, scenes that are released ON TWITTER because they didn’t make it to the show and a lot more of depth in the book that in the show and if that’s not a clear sign that the show should’ve been longer idk what it is.

[alovesreading]

Constant Repeat | Part 16

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.

Word Count: 22.7k

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.

A/N: Firstly, I wanted to thank you all for your patience and your support, but I still wanted to apologise again for taking so long to update. So much has happened in the past month but in between the tears and all the stress, I'm so happy to still find a comforting escape in writing. This one is a bit shorter than the last one but we're finally getting to those bits of the story that I wrote at the very beginning and I'm just stoked to finally dive into it in detail and with all that this story has come to be. Enjoy!! xx

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 |

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(13/01/2014 06:43) I can't believe you're cheating on me like that and actually telling me...

Alex chuckled at her dramatics when he checked his phone about half an hour after he'd sent that first picture. It was a quick one he'd snapped of the set they were currently at, a big carpeted living room with Matt's drum kit settled at the very end of it, Nick's bass and Jamie's guitar in their stands on their usual places and a mic stand right in the middle where Alex was meant to stand.

There were clearly a few big lights on the sides of the room and a big camera on someone's hands just off frame that picked at Ella's curiosity when she opened the picture the second she woke up.

So she'd asked where he was and, about ten minutes later, Alex had so easily answered, 'Recording the Arabella music video x' that Ella's jaw dropped and she stood in shock for a fair few minutes before sending that dramatic text back.

Alex snickered to himself, and tuning out the way Jake instructed the crowd in the room around them for the next scene they were about to record, he kept his focus on his phone to continue chatting to Ella.

(13/01/2014 06:58) In my defense, we were told we had this arranged last week and there's nothing I could do about it x

(13/01/2014 06:59) Yeah, sure, that's what they all say.

(13/01/2014 06:59) Darling...

(13/01/2014 06:59) Alexander?

(13/01/2014 07:00) Stop. Not the full name :(

(13/01/2014 07:00) Yes, the full name because you've got some audacity Mister.

(13/01/2014 07:00) Are you angry at me? :(

(13/01/2014 07:01) It's not really your fault but it doesn't mean I'm not giving you the cold shoulder after this.

(13/01/2014 07:01) Ella! That's not fair :((

(13/01/2014 07:01) Yeah, well. Life isn't fair, is it?? Who is this director anyway? Better be a good one or else...

(13/01/2014 07:01) Jake Nava. I hope it's enough to never explore that 'or else' x

(13/01/2014 07:01) Fuck of!!!!! Jake Nava?!?!?!? As in Jake Nava who's directed a bunch of Beyonce and Britney Spears music videos?!?!?

(13/01/2014 07:02) I think so? They mentioned him working with Tina Turner and the Stones too x

(13/01/2014 07:02) Okay, yes. Fucking hell. Should've started with that Alex.

(13/01/2014 07:02) You're funny x

(13/01/2014 07:03) I can hear you rolling your eyes from here sweets x You're forgiven but you better make it up to me, I miss you xx

(13/01/2014 07:03) You know I already am trying to figure something out x We have another single that's missing a music video anyway so... Miss you too darling, so much xx

'Arabella' was the second to last single that was going to be put out by March before their last, 'Snap Out Of It', which had been chosen to be put out by the middle of the year. Now that the 'Arabella' music video had already been taken care of, Alex tried steering the band's team into calling for Focus Creeps' help for the music video for Snap.

It took some convincing, since the lads were still on tour until mid February where they'd have their last show somewhere in the Midwest of the States, but they figured the video could be conceptualized to be recorded without the need of the lads being there. The Brit Awards were just a couple days after the last show of the tour so, the band needed to be on British soil as soon as possible.

Ella and Ben had come up with a good idea for the video so that the lads were involved in the footage but not have to be present on set: they'd use the concept from the recording of AM and portray some sort of breakup scenario between the actress they'd have to hire for the job and Alex. That way, Domino Records could also use the video to announce the AM recording documentary coming out before the Australia/New Zealand tour in May.

Brilliant. It was really a brilliant idea but Alex needed to see her. There was no way he'd be able to hold up until June, when they'd headline Bonnaroo, for him to see Ella. Over six months was way too long and he needed to do something about it.

Alex managed to convince his manager, with just two weeks of anticipation before the day the music video was meant to be recorded, that going to Los Angeles to be present during the recording of the 'Snap Out Of It' was a good idea. He had already bought his ticket before getting the greenlight, thinking it would be fine if he just snuck away from his responsibilities for less than a full day.

Thankfully, after he got the approval, the days had seemed to fly by. Before he knew it, he was bidding farewell to the lively crowd of Saint Louis, Missouri and almost dashing off the stage just to make sure he was closer to seeing her soon.

The guys had laughed seeing him hastily walk away from them at the airport, rushing to get to the horrendously long security line at almost two in the morning whilst the lads took their time to go around the airport for some food and coffee since their flight wouldn't leave until a five in the morning.

The flight from Saint Louis to Los Angeles wasn't that long, merely four hours, but every minute seemed to elongate the more Alex stared at the clock as he waited for the rest of the passengers to board the plane. When they were finally up in the air, he found himself getting more nervous to see Ella again. In his head, he imagined himself flipping through the pages of the scrapbook she'd given him, the one that was in his suitcase so he couldn't exactly get it at that very moment.

Eventually, he fell asleep, all the energy that had lingered in his body after the show had run out and a few hours later, he was being woken up by the voice of the pilot announcing they'd be landing shortly.

Eight in the morning in LAX was an absolute headache, especially avoiding the paparazzi that seemed to perpetually find their places around the arrivals gate, and getting a damn taxi, but he would carry the burden of it all since it meant he was closer to surprising Ella. She had no idea he was coming, he had purposely kept that to himself but he'd had to tell Ben so that he could give him the address for the house they were filming at.

He hated that he couldn't properly stay, not when the Brits were due in three days and they had to rehearse for their presentation. His manager had already warned him against suddenly staying and missing the event; it would look bad if they pulled out of their spot in the show at the last minute, especially when they were nominated for multiple awards.

His flight back to London was later that night, meaning he'd only be able to stay to see Ella and Ben recording the video and then he'd have to go back to the airport. He hoped that by the time he had to go, the video was wrapped up and Ella could have some time with him—even if it was just to say a proper goodbye.

Twenty minutes after walking out through the arrivals gate, he got picked up by a taxi and the drive over to the set was meant to be about forty minutes long. It ended up being over an hour thanks to Los Angeles traffic, which was weird for it being Sunday morning, but not surprising nonetheless.

Ben opened the back door for Alex and after a quick greeting, the singer carefully carried his case up the concrete stairs and into the house, setting it down softly in a corner of the kitchen so that no one heard him coming in. He wished he had recorded it all because when Ella turned around, once Ben had walked back into the living room where everything was set up, and saw Alex, she shrieked and ran towards him.

"What are you doing here?!" She said quickly and breathlessly, like the impact from crashing into his chest and being wrapped in his arms had stolen all the oxygen from her lungs.

He couldn't even find words, not when his smile was so big on his face now that he had her in his arms again. She pulled back, her eyes swimming all over his face as if to make sure he was real, her hands clutching onto his shoulders tightly.

"Oh my god, what are you doing here?" She whispered this time, entirely in shock of it all.

"I had to make it up to you." He shrugged nonchalantly, but the glimmer in his eyes showed the intent behind his presence there.

She smiled brightly, her eyes creasing at the corners in a way that had Alex swooning, "Oh you sure did."

Ella leaned in quickly to press a kiss on his cheek, his eyes closing instantly in bliss at the feeling of her lips on his skin, and then she let go of him because catching a glimpse of Ben standing there with a massive smirk on his face reminded her of the amount of people present in the room and watching their interaction.

"Alright, back to work everyone!" She clapped her hands twice to get everyone's focus away from what had just happened and to lighten the mood and avoid any questions, she joked,  "Boss is here now, gotta make sure it's perfect for him." Cheekily, she turned slightly to look at Alex and winked before turning back to Lydia and going back to work.

Before going back to the scene they'd been shooting, Ella introduced Alex to Stephanie Sigman who was playing the main girl in the music video. They laughed about the state in which she was while meeting the singer, clad in just a pencil skirt and a lace bralette with her makeup all purposely ruined from the tears she'd been uncontrollably shedding for the video.

Alex stepped back and admired Ella and Ben working their magic, appreciating every bit of her concentration and mentally pointing out the little quirks she had as she worked that he'd managed to catch throughout the years.

His smile didn't leave his face the whole time, even more so when he watched the multiple clips Ella had gotten of them recording the album playing on the TV. His stomach doing somersaults inside him when he saw how he smiled at Ella behind the camera in those clips, and he was almost sure that if anyone saw him right then, they would've found him blushing and grinning like an absolute fool.

He was a mess for her, always had been. And that became even clearer to him each day.

An hour must've gone by and Alex was entirely entranced by Ella. He'd felt someone's stare burning on the skin of the side of his neck and when he turned to see who it was, he found Ella's PA, Lydia, staring at him. Only giving her an embarrassed smile back, he prayed she hadn't noticed the way he couldn't peel his gaze off Ella.

He'd gone a bit further away from where everything was set up so that Lydia couldn't catch him again, and he grabbed a water bottle from the kitchen counter to appear casual as he continued watching the crew work.

It was a task tuning his own voice out as time passed, as the song kept repeating over and over, or was fast forwarded or skipped back to a certain point. So he pulled out his phone to update his manager, who in exchange reminded him that his flight left around ten in the evening so he'd have to be at the airport by seven or even a bit earlier, considering how busy LAX got. Alex had gotten so absorbed by the conversation that he didn't notice Ben taking over and letting Ella wander away for a bit.

The speakers blasted the song all over again, making Ella sway her hips softly to it. She mumbled the lyrics under her breath as she walked up to Alex and when she stood beside him, she nudged him gently with her hip and smirked, "This is a banging tune."

Alex smirked back, pocketing his phone and not answering his manager's last text about whether or not he needed a ride to the airport to look at her and then back to where Ben was working his magic with the camera, "Oh well," he shrugged nonchalantly, "You're a great muse."

A weight lifted off his shoulders after finally confessing that to her, and he could only hope that it would push things forward. Maybe with this she'd realize there were many songs about her in the record than she'd thought. He knew she knew 'Arabella' was about her, he'd managed to scoop it out of Flo, and though he hoped her reaction to it was much different now, he still wanted her to know of the songs that were for her in AM.

Ella didn't even have time to think of a response because her mind had gone blank for a few seconds and,  when she managed to gather her bearings, she heard her name being called by Ben to help him with a shot in which he was using the projector.

What the fuck?

With the new piece of knowledge, Ella found herself analyzing every line of the song as the recording continued and it was entirely her fault when she messed up a few takes from how distracted she was.

She didn't even know what to say when Alex told everyone he'd ordered lunch, after he'd ask Lydia when they'd planned for the lunch break to happen, and when everyone sat happily around the place, chatting and enjoying the lovely Italian food Alex had ordered, Ella was oddly silent.

Ben and Alex were engaged in lively conversation and Ella was just standing there, a few feet away from Alex, stuffing her face with the spinach ravioli bolognese that he'd of course gotten just for her. She'd wanted to run to a room in the house and scream into a pillow when he handed her the plate, along with a wink that had almost made her knees buckle.

If Alex had written this song about her, then which other ones could also be about or for her? Ella found herself trying hard to think about each lyric in each song but her brain was a mush. She'd have to listen to the album on the way home and think hard to figure out if the songs she'd even manage to have a feeling were about her, weren't just her reaching and attributing it to herself in confusion.

But first, she needed to finish recording the music video.

Slowly but surely, Ben and Ella wrapped up the shoot around half past three and it took them all about an hour to pack everything up in the small bus so that they could go back to the office.

Ben helped Alex put his suitcase in the back along with some of their camera cases and when he went inside the vehicle, Ella had called him to sit beside her. There was so much going around inside her mind, endless questions that she wanted to ask but with everyone around and the fear of bursting the bubble that they were in, she stayed quiet and chose to just rest her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes and sighing in bliss when she was enveloped by the scent of him.

"Missed you." She mumbled after she felt him kiss the top of her head, warmth seeping through her pores and a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

Alex hummed, resting his head over hers and closing his eyes to just revel in the moment, "Missed you more."

They fell asleep like that, the million words that formed a tornado in their heads being dulled down by the feeling of having each other close again.

Almost an hour later, they arrived at the office and Ella knew it from the way Alex's face contorted when he looked at the time on his phone that he had to go soon. She picked up her bag from her desk and turned off her computer quickly, doing a quick sweep of her office to check that she wasn't forgetting something and then she looked back at him.

He was about to say something, but in a desperate moment to have him for a little longer, she suggested, "I can drive you to the airport if you'd like."

He hesitated for a split second, knowing it would be a far longer ride because of it being rush hour, but the prospect of spending that time sitting in traffic beside her was way better than in the backseat of a taxi.

Alex nodded, "Sure, but I can drive." He had seen her yawn multiple times the past few minutes, "You're knackered darling."

"You sure?" She asked but she genuinely wanted to agree to his suggestion, he didn't wanna drive at all for the rest of the day.

The singer hummed, extending his hand out to her and she handed him the keys with a soft smile.

"Right, let's go." She nodded once, walking around her desk and intertwining their fingers to leave the place.

Ella couldn't care less about the glances they got as they waved everyone goodbye, all of them very obviously staring at their hands.

Alex's case rolled beside him as they walked out and he swiftly put it in the trunk of Ella's car when they got to it. Ella had almost run to sit on the passenger seat as soon as he opened the car and he'd laughed to himself at the eagerness on her face.

When he got into the passenger car, he took the piss out of her for her seat arrangement. She scoffed and ignored him, and then he looked up and saw that little mirrorball with a little cowboy hat perched on top and he smiled brightly.

"I missed seeing this." He admitted, bringing his finger up to poke at it and the thing started swinging softly and the reflection of the sun on it was like glitter inside Ella's car.

Ella smiled at it, "So pretty, isn't it?" She yawned yet again, behind her hand as she buckled her seatbelt and then got comfortable in her seat, almost like she was going to fall asleep. "M'gonna get you one when I go back home."

Alex started the car with a smile, finding the way she sleepily slurred her words incredibly endearing and he listened to her slurred words for another fifteen minutes as she guided him out onto the highway.

After she'd fallen asleep, Alex found himself enjoying every minute in that car. He didn't care that the traffic had made the journey over an hour long, because he spent it hearing her soft snores and catching glimpses of the pout on her relaxed face, covered by her hair that she blew softly with every exhale.

With a soft squeeze and rubs on her thigh, Alex woke her up slowly as they got closer to the airport. She'd slowly woken up from her slumber, blinking languidly and yawning before she gathered where they were and brushed her hair away from her face as she stretched out in her place.

"Good morning sunshine." Alex joked with a grin on his face, and Ella blushed at the pet name she hadn't expected.

"Hi." She said shyly, continuing to brush her fingers through her hair to detangle it and then diving into her bag to get a piece of gum and pop it in her mouth.

They had to go all the way to level five to find a parking spot and when they walked out of the car, they were hit by the cold winds of February and the loudness of the place. Ella took out a jacket she kept in the boot of her car and put it on, but despite that, Alex still wrapped his arm around her shoulder and clutched her tightly to him as they walked through the parking lot and onto the lifts so they could go down three levels and into the building so Alex could check-in.

There was a long line to the check-in counters and there were so many people at the airport that the noise around them started making them anxious. It didn't help at all that there were so many paparazzi around the place, so Alex kept his sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose for as long as he could and quietly chatted to Ella as they waited so as not to bring attention to themselves.

Alex only lifted his sunglasses when he got to the counter, Ella's hand tightly clutched in his and he would only let go when he needed to hand in his passport and show his phone with the confirmation number, intertwining their fingers again the second he had his right hand free.

Ella bit her bottom lip to try not to stupidly smile every time, but a grin fought her attempts every time and she freely let herself show how happy his touch made her.

Her smile only faltered when the woman behind the counter asked for Ella's ticket and passport and she had to sadly say she wasn't going with Alex. And only to add to the blooming despair, when the woman checked in Alex's bag and handed him his boarding pass, she let them know that he needed to hurry up because he'd only have a bit over an hour to get through security and get to his gate.

Knowing how LAX got at that time of the day, the lack of any time left together hit them both at the same time and they flashed forced smiles at the woman before thanking her and walking away. Alex hoped that putting his sunglasses back on would help conceal the sadness shining through his eyes.

Walking towards the security line, the looming goodbye weighed heavy on their chests and seeing more and more people joining the back of the line as they approached it only made it worse.

"You really need to get in that line now." Ella sighed heavily, her words coming out pained because she hated having to be reasonable when she didn't want to be.

Alex hummed mindlessly, not really wanting to take her advice into consideration. He cursed having had to agree to performing on the Brits to begin with, he couldn't care less about any good promo for the record or if being invited on stage meant they were assured to win one of the categories they'd been nominated for. Whatever award it was, he'd surely put it away in a box later—he wanted to stay, and he wanted Ella.

His pace slowed as they continued walking, like he was convincing himself more and more of ditching his responsibilities for her. But Ella walked ahead of him, hands still intertwined so he had no other option than to match her pace and follow until they finally stood in the back of the line.

Alex looked at her with a pout, one that she matched but her words came out in an effort to soothe them both, "It's fine. I'll see you soon, yeah?"

Ella scooted a bit closer to his side, and rested her head on his shoulder. Alex wrapped his arm around her waist and kept her close to him, letting his head rest over her head with a deep sigh.

"Yeah." He replied softly, his accent thick and warm as it reached her ears and it almost had her shivering, "Bonnaroo will be fun."

At that, she slowly picked her head up and showed the massive grin that brought to her face, "It will be. I cannot fucking wait."

Even in the most mundane of settings, she looked breathtaking and Alex wanted nothing more than to cup her face and crash their lips together. Not a care in the world that they were in front of the largest crowd, none of them knew just how badly his chest hurt to think about having to leave her yet again.

His eyes dropped to her lips and Ella's breath hitched in her throat at the clear sight of it. In a panic, she changed the subject, "Are you going straight to rehearsal when you get back?" It wasn't that she didn't want that, it was that she didn't know if she could take it. If she could have another taste without wanting to drop to the floor and plead for him to stay.

Alex cleared his throat as he nodded, "Yeah, I land in the morning so I'm probably going straight to the venue."

"When is it again? I need to find a way to watch it." She doubted there could be a way to, she'd most likely would have to be looking through YouTube to find their performance and who were the winners.

"Wednesday night." He frowned slightly trying to search through his mind for a way that would let her watch the show but when he couldn't come up with anything, he promised, "If I can figure out a way for you to watch live, I'll let you know darling."

She hummed, satisfied with that answer, "Thank you sweetness."

They stood in silence then, close to each other and relishing in the warmth each other brought them as the line slowly moved forward. There was only a bit further that she could accompany him in line, she knew that she'd be bothering everyone behind them if she decided to stay with Alex up until it was his turn, and the officer standing by the entrance would ask her for a ticket to make sure only passengers went through, so she'd have to leave as soon as he walked past the glass fence that separated the security check area from the rest of the space.

So it was only a little over ten minutes that Ella stood beside him, before she had to make the decision of peeling herself away from him and actually saying goodbye.

She didn't want to and it was clear in the way the words struggle to slip past her lips. Her frown appeared softly on her face and it deepened as the farewell rose up her throat.

"I need to leave the queue now, sweets." A pout on her face that tied with her furrowed brows made him want to just take her with him, "They're gonna ask for my ticket and everyone behind me will be annoyed I'm taking space in the line when I'm not even leaving."

Alex scoffed at the idea, "Fuck them." He mumbled softly only for her to hear and she chuckled at the firmness of his words.

Turning so that her chest would be flush against his, she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him in a tight embrace. Her eyes fluttered close, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone behind them and it helped her trying to commit the feeling of being in his arms to memory.

Ella heard him hum in bliss and the soft sound stole a smile from her, one that made the apples of her cheeks rise and tint with a faint pink hue that he got to see when she pulled away.

They were so close though, sharing breaths as they took in each other's faces. She wanted to see the brown of his eyes one last time before he left, so she delicately brought her hands to the sides of his face to prop the glasses up on the top of his head. Her smile only got bigger when she saw the richness of color in front of her, his pupils dilating ever so slightly at the action.

Words failed her, she didn't really know what she should've said but nothing came out, every syllable stuck in the back of her throat when her fingers slowly dragged down the skin of his cheeks, a rush of something that felt like a shock to her system when she felt his stubble beneath the pads of her fingers.

She knew she should've asked if it was alright, if she could give into the temptation but she didn't. Ella just closed the distance and finally ended their agony, the feeling of her soft lips on his had Alex inhaling sharply, fingers digging on her waist and pulling her impossibly close.

It was her that hummed this time, when he took over and guided the sweet kiss. It wasn't desperate like they would've expected and it was probably because of the amount of people surrounding them, but it was just what they needed. Like some sort of comfort, a promise of what could become if they would just give into it all, maybe not right then but soon.

And soon couldn't come fast enough.

The kiss didn't last long, but Alex knew that wasn't deliberate just from how firmly she was cupping his jaw. Just as firm as he was holding her waist, not wanting her to move from that spot at all. But she pulled back with a soft smile, her eyes swimming all over his face as if in search of a clear answer and her heart soared in her chest when he leaned back in for another brief kiss.

One that she broke yet again, but he followed with a string of pecks that made her giggle.

But her giggles were interrupted by the man standing behind them clearing his throat, making Alex and Ella turn to look ahead of them and that's when they noticed everyone was waiting for them to follow ahead with the moving line of people.

"Sorry." Ella apologized for the both of them, not really meaning it because she was elated, though her elation was simmering down into a bittersweet feeling at the fact that they were about to move right into the entrance of the security area and it meant that she had to leave.

Alex walked quickly up to where he had to stand, and unfortunately, he found what Ella had said would happen to be right because the officer asked for her ticket and when she awkwardly admitted to not having one, she was asked to step out of the queue.

Thankfully, the officer opened up the railing for her to easily walk out without having to bother everyone behind Alex.

Ella didn't instantly listen though, because she quickly turned back to Alex and cupped his jaw again to pull him in for a quick peck before she said, "See you soon, okay? Love you sweets."

He didn't even have time to reply because she was gone in a matter of seconds and he couldn't even take his time to follow her path with his gaze because the officer rushed him forward and into one of the aisles.

Suddenly, the line started moving faster now that he was in the aisle and he was rushed through. Ella stayed up until he grabbed his belongings and he turned to briefly wave at her, mouthing a quick 'love you' before he was ushered to leave the area by one of the officers that had just cleared him through the scanner.

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Despite being incredibly giddy on her way back home, the long tedious hours she spent by herself while she waited for Alex to text her that he'd landed had been plagued by a storm of thoughts that pushed her into the most pessimistic of states.

Ella knew that if he'd gone for a second kiss then that'd mean something, but she had no idea how to approach the situation at all. They wouldn't see each other until June, four months being apart surely made her courage waver like a house of cards out in the open. Did she even want to properly think about all that she felt when it came to him when she knew there wasn't much at all that they could do about it at that very moment?

It just seemed horrifying and cruel, and Ella had no idea what to do. So she made the decision to let Alex be the one to make the first move, let that be the clear sign that it was something reciprocated.

A stupid decision really, because Alex was just as conflicted about it. He had thought about it the whole flight, falling asleep eventually and dreaming of being able to see her again and just kiss her until their lips were swollen and they had to gasp out for air continuously, dreaming of telling her how she drove him crazy and how he didn't want it any other way.

The kisses shared at the airport were never a topic they touched when they texted after he left. And at first, it was clear that they were walking on eggshells around each other, like they were trying to sway the conversation in that direction but neither of them committed to it. Until Ella took the full day of texts without a mention of the kisses as a sign that it wasn't something he was thinking of and she forced herself to text him like she normally would, Alex following her lead and leaving his unshared thoughts in the back of his head.

When the Brits day arrived, Alex had let her know she could watch the official stream of it on YouTube. He'd comically said, "I haven't a clue of what that means really but that's what Steve told us." She'd cackled at that and called him a grandad, finishing the call wishing them good luck.

She'd wanted to scream when she saw the lads walking onto the red carpet, but she couldn't because she was hidden away in her office with her earphones on after having excused herself for her lunch break. She'd asked Lydia to postpone the two meetings she had later that day so that she could get away with watching the entire award show without interruptions.

And it had been fun, watching the lads perform 'R U Mine?' with the massive AM blazing trails in the other stage. She was amazed at the grandiosity of it all, and she couldn't begin to imagine how hot it must've gotten in that venue due to the fire.

They all looked so good, despite the very different attire they had on. And she was, of course, very biased when she thought just how stunning Alex looked—with that metallic green blazer over a black button down, that he had the top open to showcase the golden chain he always wore, black jeans and his hair styled the usual way.

Whilst the rest of the show went ahead, she mindlessly listened to it in the background as she replied to emails. It wasn't until the 'British Group' category was announced that she went back to put her whole focus on the stream and she squeaked in excitement when Lily Allen announced the Monkeys were the winners.

Ella went from chuckling stupidly at Alex's smolder to cooing over Jamie and Katie sharing a peck, just like Matt and Bre did, to then snort out loud when Alex started his speech. Her snort morphed into a string of giggles that ended in a cackle when he said the last sentence, and she shook her head entirely amused watching them walk back to their table.

Yet, she hadn't expected to laugh even louder when the next category they'd been nominated to came on, Album of the Year, and they won again—this time she'd thought Alex would actually give out a speech about the record but she was comically surprised with an improvised rant about rock 'n' roll that even the lads were giggling about behind the singer.

The way he had to mute his own cursing while thanking everyone had her in stitches already but it was the sudden mic drop by the end of it that made her have to cover her mouth with her hand so she didn't laugh louder than needed.

When she caught her breath back, she reached for her phone and typed a quick message to take the piss out of him for it all.

(19/02/2014 14:06) You're so fucking funny. That speech was something else and the mic drop just brought it all together. Congratulations you clown, so proud of y'all xxxx

She'd gone back to work after she sent that text and eagerly waited for his response, one that came when she was about to exit her office and that had her smiling like an idiot.

(19/02/2014 14:19) I might be a tad tipsy but I'm glad you enjoyed it, love xxx And thank you darling, love you so much xxxxxx Wish you were here :((( xxxxx

That 'love' had assured that her loopy smile stuck on her face for the rest of the day and she had ended up laughing at herself because of the stupid effect he had on her.

She felt pathetic in the best way possible.

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By the time the end of February rolled around, Ella had gotten a nice surprise.

Alice was in Los Angeles to record some songs for Pale Waves' sophomore album and Ella was honestly excited to have a friend over on her side of the pond after being away from everyone for so long.

Pale Waves had stopped touring with AM after the holiday break ended, so that they could focus on finishing their album and Alice had gotten a massive opportunity to travel to LA to work with one of her favorite producers.

The singer had let Ella know a few days before she was due to land on American soil and Ella had made sure to align her schedule to Alice's so that at least they could hang out once or twice while she was there.

It had been on the 26th that Alice had a free day so Ella had taken the day off from work to take Alice around the city and catch up. The girls hadn't seen each other in so long and they only texted ever so often so a lengthy chat was pending.

That was all it really was to Ella: catching up with a friend and making sure that she enjoyed her stay in the city. Nothing more.

Ella had picked her up in the morning and they'd had a lovely breakfast at a cafe by the beach, coffee and pastries shared over mainly work talk. They walked over to the beach and sat down as they watched surfers take on the cold water to ride some waves and Alice let her listen to some demos she had brought to work on when she got there, and a few songs she and her band had already finished.

After they'd spent a fair few hours there, and the sun started bothering them, Ella guided them back to her car and took her to a place she'd recently grown to love more than before: Sunken City.

Yes, it was prohibited to be there and she was risking police fines every time she went but the beauty of the ruins was unmatched and she figured Alice deserved to see a place like it, Ella knew she'd enjoy it.

They'd had to look for a parking spot a bit far away from the place and act very casually as they walked towards the ruins.

Both girls acknowledged the few people there with a tilt of their chins and a soft smile came to their faces when they saw the strangers there doing just what they both were planning on doing, smoking.

Alice had rolled a pair of joints in the car before they walked out to make their way to the intriguing place, and they were planning on carefully trekking around to find a good spot and smoke for a bit before Ella had to drop Alice off back at the hotel she was staying at.

"What was this then?" Alice asked, intrigued by the graffiti on the sides of big rocks that looked humanly impossible to have been put together.

Ella had Alice's hand in hers as she guided them both around, taking careful steps since she knew slipping and falling over would end up poorly, the other arm stretched out to the side so she'd have some help with her balance.

It was good Alice had decided to change her usual platform heeled boots for some flat doc martens that were much safer in this situation.

"This used to be part of the neighborhood back in the 1920s, but there was a landslide in '29 that took a bunch of the houses here into the ocean and people had to relocate." Ella explained softly as she focused on the last few feet she had to get to her favorite spot there.

When she reached it, she carefully pulled Alice closer and sat down at the edge of the tall flat rock first before she could help Alice sit down next to her. The shoulders almost pressed together, their thighs brushing against each other.

"After people moved away, they demolished what was left of the houses and nature just left this after decades." With quickness, Ella took the lighter from her jeans pocket and offered it to Alice. The singer had the joints in her possession so she took them out and offered one of them to Ella, placing the other one between her lips and lighting it up before giving Ella the cowboy boot shaped trinket back.

Ella lit her joint alive and took a long drag, watching Alice take in every bit of the view as she let out the smoke she'd inhaled. "Isn't it gorgeous?" The sky was changing due to the sun coming down to rest on the horizon, a soft orange and pink coming to life behind clouds and it was a promise of a picture perfect sunset to come soon.

Alice hummed, it was eerie yet stunning. Trying to make out the street art on the ruins was becoming distracting as the weed started relaxing her system, her eyes catching the rusted spray paint cans discarded in between the creases of the rocks.

"You come here often?" Alice frowned when she realized how familiar Ella seemed with the place and it honestly surprised her because Ella didn't seem like the type to frequent places like this. Especially not when a huge 'no trespassing' sign welcomed you into the place.

Ella chuckled in amusement at her clear confusion, and took another drag before she answered, "I do now, yeah. I had only driven past twice before but one of my friends from work managed to convince me to come here to take some pictures at the start of the year and after he taught me how and when to come in without getting caught by the police, I've been coming here to clear my head."

Alice snickered in amusement, lifting her joint and waving it briefly in the air to mock, "Clear your head, yeah?"

Rolling her eyes and turning to look straight at Alice, Ella scoffed, "Shut up. You do just the same to clear your head."

Alice cocked her head at Ella's raised brow that felt like a challenge to refute her words. The singer only shrugged with a low chuckle, placing the spliff back between her lips to inhale and a smirk formed on her face after she let the smoke out.

"Amongst other things." Alice teased, her pupils dilating as she stared right into Ella's eyes and she purposely let her gaze drop to her lips.

Ella knew exactly what she was doing, so she smirked to herself and replied with a sarcastic, "Yeah, I'm sure." as if she was fully disinterested.

But Alice made Ella's breath hitch in her throat when she confidently let her hand come over Ella's clothed thigh and squeezed as she said, "You know."

She squirmed in her place when a rush of heat tingled all the way down her spine, nodding mindlessly when she replied, "I do."

Her eyes fell on Alice's lips and she gulped at the proximity they found themselves in. The magnetism Alice had was something that Ella couldn't really explain.

"You really do." Alice added, leaning closer into Ella's space.

Their lips brushed once, Alice teasing Ella with a taste of the feeling of their lips together again and Ella was finally the one to fully close the distance. It had been a while since they'd shared a kiss so Ella's memories of back then flashed to the forefront of her mind in a split second, like the singular touch of their tongues melting together was enough of a deja vu to undo a box of memories that reeled through her mind like a film.

It didn't take long until they started being vocal, gasps for air and soft moans that they swallowed, and it all encouraged them to use their free hands for something. Alice let her hand wander up Ella's thigh until she got closer to her heat and she silently instructed Ella to open her legs. All while Ella rubbed up and down Alice's silky skin, feeling the goosebumps that broke on it from their kiss and cheekily letting her fingers wander to the insides of her thighs and up until she hit the hem of her shorts, only to make Alice a bit louder.

However, all of the sudden, as if her brain was begging her to remember, the memory of the kiss she'd shared with Alex at the airport managed its way through and made her stop.

Ella had pulled Alice slowly until the singer had lifted herself up and was about to straddle her when Ella harshly pulled back and broke the kiss, hurriedly saying, "Allie– No. I can't."

Alice saw the way the color drained from Ella's face and she quickly sat back down beside her, a frown taking over her expression and she genuinely asked Ella, "Are you okay?"

In Ella's brain there was a horrendous turmoil that had shook her. A heavy weight of guilt came down on her chest and almost made her wheeze out for a breath. She nodded as she struggled to get herself together, her words came out choked out thanks to her dry mouth and throat, "Erm, yeah. I just– I'm sorry."

She felt the need to apologize because, after all, she had been the one to start the kiss. But Alice wouldn't have that, so she shook her head and brushed Ella's hair behind her ear and shoulder, "Ella, don't apologize." She kissed her shoulder softly in reassurance and smiled sweetly at her to add, "You don't owe me a thing, no need to apologize."

"It's just, I–" Ella tried to explain, but she didn't know how to even begin to put the mess of thoughts together into coherent sentences.

Alice shook her head once more and with her hand coming back to rest over her leg, this time she let it innocently rub soothing circles on her skin as she continued calming her down, "You don't have to explain anything to me baby, it's okay."

The singer could almost hear the erratic thumping of Ella's heart because of how quiet the director had gotten. The dancing of the waves on the shore took over, as well as the birds flying over them and the chatter of the strangers they'd walked past earlier.

"Don't go quiet on me, it's fine." Alice broke the silence after letting Ella revel in it for a few minutes, they were about to finish their spliffs and Alice took the hanging of Ella's shoulders as a sign of her relaxing again. She knew she'd have to be the one to push her out of the pit she'd thrown herself into so she playfully nudged her and encouraged, "C'mon, tell me about how it was the first time you came here and how badly you were shitting yourself about it."

Hearing Ella laugh over her choice of words was music to Alice's ears and, just like that, they spent the rest of their time there. Lighting up cigarettes after their joints were finished, chuckling and admiring the sunset beautifully forming in front of them.

Before they left, they took a quick few pictures together. They had no idea when it would be that they'd see each other again so they wanted to keep a memory. Cheek to cheek, they posed for Alice's camera and they took a few selfies like that. The first ones were just of them smiling, and then Alice stuck her tongue out as Ella made a kissy face—the singer's tongue poked at Ella's pursed lips making her giggle after the shutter was pressed. In amusement, Ella copied Alice and stuck her tongue out too, letting their tongues touch shamelessly for the camera.

The sunset had long before it would die down but Ella knew it was around this time of the day that the cops came to check on the place, so she rushed them both out of the place and when they got to the car she breathed in relief. It was always like that when she went to Sunken City, she wasn't a rule-breaking girl even if she tried to.

As she started the car, Ella made Alice send her the pictures to her email and the singer did just that. Ella would've taken a few with her own phone but it had run out of battery, unfortunately. On the way back to her hotel, Alice took over the aux and she enjoyed introducing Ella to music she had never really heard before—she took a video of Ella bobbing her head and humming along Blink-182.

Meanwhile, Alex was sitting at a circular table with the rest of the band, along with Bre, Katie and Kelly, and he was rather tipsy at the NME Awards. They had already accepted three awards and they were fucking buzzing with energy—and alcohol. He couldn't stop his fingers from sending a bunch of texts and he kept them coming despite Ella's lack of replies.

It wasn't until he was at the afterparty, once he had found himself in a boring conversation he could tune out, that he pulled out his phone to check for the hundredth time if Ella had replied that he checked Instagram and his heart had dropped to the ground at what he saw.

Alice had posted the selfie where she and Ella had their tongues out and captioned it 'always want a taste of my favourite cowgirl xxx' and right after, she'd posted the video of Ella dancing to a Blink-182—he had excused himself and brought his phone speaker up to his ear to hear the video and he rolled his eyes in anger hearing their laughter and Alice singing and encouraging Ella to keep dancing with the sweet talk she always gave the American girl.

The jealousy streaming through his veins was bitter and hot, and it was enough to cloud the excitement of having won six awards that night.

His thoughts started going into the worst direction and he was fucking fuming just thinking about how he was almost entirely certain they'd shagged again.

Alex stomped on the bud of the cigarette with fury and he started throwing back drinks consistently all through the rest of the night.

All the alcohol he ingested backfired on him and he had ended up drunk dialing Ella's phone way too many times, until he passed out on top of his bed in the same clothes he'd worn all night.

When he woke up, his mind was foggy enough to have forgotten about just what had sent him down a spiral, but when he groaned as he lifted himself up on the bed and checked on his phone, a text from Ella brought it all back and he just wanted to be sick right then and there.

(26/02/2014 20:54) Sweets, I'm so sorry I didn't answer your calls! My phone died and I only just got back home from spending the day with Alice. I'm really tired, honestly, and I bet you're asleep by now so I'll call you tomorrow okay? Love you and congratulations!!!! Don't let the 'hero of the year' award get to your head though, it's already big as it is ;)) xx

If 'spending the day with Alice' wasn't clear proof that she had shagged the singer, Alex didn't know what it was. Out of pettiness he didn't reply, leaving Ella on read the rest of the day and he watched the phone ring and ring multiple times in the evening but he never answered her calls.

He felt ridiculous but he was angry and he knew he had no legs to stand on but he just couldn't help himself. Though, he knew he shouldn't be directing his annoyance at Ella. He didn't even want to think about how Alice fucking knew he had feelings for Ella and yet, she went ahead and fucked her, and rubbed it on his face again.

His fingers hurt and felt numb by the end of the day from how hard he'd been clenching his fists all day thinking about the horrendous situation. The hangover he was sporting didn't help either, and the only thing he could rely on was the rich rainfall of warm water inside his shower where he spent almost an hour trying to calm down.

Before he went to bed, he warily sent her a text, one that sounded so disingenuous it made him cringe after he sent it.

(27/02/2014 17:26) Sorry, I've been so hungover I had to turn my phone off to be able to peacefully sleep it off. I'll call you when I start feeling like a person again. Thank you for the love, take care Ellie xx

Ella instantly knew something was off, and she wanted to be sick when she got that text while she was stuck in traffic on the way back home. She had a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel the rest of the way back, but she couldn't find a reason for his behavior. Despite her gut telling her the opposite, she had to attribute it to his supposed hangover, and she just hoped it was nothing else.

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When March came around, so did Breana and Matt. The couple arrived in the morning of the second day of the month and Ella had picked them up from the airport with a bright smile on her face.

Her heart swelled in her chest having the pair back in Los Angeles and they all had the best time having brunch in West Hollywood before they went back to Bre's house. There they sat down in front of a flat screen and played the Arabella music video which had just come out an hour before.

Ella had gasped at the sudden lewdness of the video and by the time it ended, she asked so many questions about how it had been to shoot all that. She'd subtly asked about the scenes that Alex had to film, since she was still playing on loop the scene of Alex walking into a woman changing and it had left her uncomfortably squirming in her place. Thankfully, this time Matt hadn't chosen to joke around and actually told her how different it had been and Ella found herself curious about the director's methods.

The rest of the day had been spent catching up and Ella had been the one surprised by the news that Matt and Bre had decided to look for a house in Los Angeles and move in together. Ella had squeaked in excitement and hugged them both tightly, joking about how she'd have to go into whichever place they would decide to go for with gloves because she was sure the first thing they would do would be christening every corner and surface of that house.

By the end of the night, they'd been sleepily brainstorming what could be done for Bre's birthday and they had decided to just go to a pub or a club and celebrate there, knowing how long it had been since they'd partied together, Matt agreed saying it was a needed evening after all that time.

So when the fifth of March rolled around, they had found themselves, along with a handful of Bre's friends, at a club where they celebrated the birthday girl. Ella hadn't planned on drinking that much but Bre kept convincing her of taking shot after shot and she'd ended up giggling uncontrollably as they danced.

When Ella had been sent for another round of shots though, a guy came up to her and started chatting her up and she'd flushed much more than usual thanks to the alcohol in her blood. The guy had ended up saving his number in her phone and making sure to have her call him, to which Ella hesitantly agreed.

Bre had seen it all and she'd asked all about it but Ella didn't have much to say, the guy and every word he uttered was so forgettable that the whole interaction slipped her mind and she just shrugged when she mentioned he'd given her his number.

Ella had let herself forget about it until the day of her birthday.

She'd decided to just stay in that day, inviting a few of her work friends over as well as Bre and Matt. There were multiple wine bottles and a few snack plates as well as charcuterie boards, so it was gonna be a calm night of pure chatter and good food.

It was around eleven in the evening that Bre decided to bring the cake she'd gotten Ella and light up some candles to sing her happy birthday, before some of her friends left. So Matt facetimed Alex from his phone to make sure he was present for that moment, like he had promised the drummer to do earlier when he had called to wish Ella a happy birthday.

Alex had stayed on the phone for a longer time though, hearing as Ella's co-workers left after midnight, wishing her happy birthday and thanking her for a lovely night. He'd been smiling the whole time and he had laughed along with Bre, Ella and Matt when the three of them were the only ones left at Ella's house.

They'd started cleaning up by the time the clock hit one in the morning and, since it wasn't really that entertaining, Matt had let Alex go. Alex said bye to Bre and wished Ella a happy birthday one last time before he hung up the phone, and it was just as he was hearing Matt promising to call him in the next few days, that he heard Breana saying something that just felt like another knife to the heart.

"Why didn't that guy from the other night come? I thought you were gonna invite him."

He didn't even get a chance to hear Ella's response because Matt ended the call, and he wallowed in self pity for no reason because Ella had shrugged and waved her best friend's question off by clearing up, "I didn't even call him after all. Wasn't really interested, if I'm being honest."

Yet, Alex hadn't heard those words and he was left thinking about it the rest of his day. But this time, he didn't let his jealousy turn into a cold shoulder treatment, because in all honesty it had been painful to read the meek messages he sent her after he saw Alice's posts. He'd remembered how badly he'd fucked up that night at the pub when Ella was in London and he didn't want a repeat of that so he had eventually had to suck it up and force himself to go back to normal.

So he knew he could swallow it and move on, it was hard ignoring the ache in his chest though. He shook his head at himself when he found his thoughts going back to the words Bre had said and forcing himself to stop thinking about it was a challenge, but he had to remind himself that he was in no position to react like that and that if he let it poorly show like he had before, he could fuck things up.

And that was the last thing he needed.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The rest of March and the start of April had been filled with everyone throwing great news around and the smiles seemed to be always present in everyone's faces.

Nick and Kelly had surprised the group with the news of a baby on the way, making Ella and Bre cry on facetime when they called and showed the scan pictures of the baby growing in Kelly's belly.

Jamie and Katie had been finishing up the last details of their wedding and the American girls had gotten loads of pictures of every single dress Katie had tried on throughout her dress shopping week that she spent going from shop to shop accompanied by her family, Florence and Kelly.

Bre and Matt had managed to put an offer on a house in Hollywood Hills that they fell in love with and they had gotten it accepted, meaning they just had to endure about a fortnight of paperwork in order to close the sale and finally say the house was theirs.

It was when Bre and Matt finally got the keys to their house and were able to take out the 'sold' sign out of the grass by the mailbox, that they invited everyone over for the weekend so that they could celebrate everyone's news.

Nick, Jamie, Kelly and Katie had all been in the same flight so they arrived together at Matt and Bre's new house in the early afternoon of a Friday in the middle of April. Alex had basically spent most of his time back home doing a press tour due to the rise of the record—their label wanting the band to go around doing interviews and magazine covers and articles to ride the high of it all—but he had done it all alone, and he had a radio interview in the morning of that very Friday so he had to leave in a later flight and got there late in the evening.

They'd planned a barbecue for Saturday and since the new house was so close to the Universal Studios amusement park, they were all thinking of spending the first half of the day there until they had to leave so everyone was ready for their late night flight back home on Sunday.

Ella had woken up early and gone to the shops to get snacks and drinks and whatever else she thought they might need, making sure to not forget the housewarming gifts she'd bought for the couple: a funny welcome mat that said 'come in' but if it was flipped upside down it changed into 'go away', a box of condoms and a fun little set of leather cuffs. Ella had giggled when picking the things up and she'd giggled some more when wrapping them up.

She cursed the couple a few times when stuck in traffic for deciding to live so far away from her, but when she got there and saw Bre and Matt open the door and wave at her as she pulled into the driveway, Ella cooed at the image.

"I'm so fucking happy for you two." Ella said after she crashed into them and wrapped them in a group hug, her eyes closed and a big smile on her face.

Bre dropped a kiss on her cheek at the same time as Matt said, "Thank you Ellie."

When Ella pulled back, she smirked, "I might place some bets in a bit. See how fast you manage to knock her up."

Matt's smirk showed instantly on his face and Bre cackled next to him. He proudly puffed his chest out and shrugged nonchalantly as he replied, "Well it's not like we aren't practicing."

"Of course you are. Filthy bitches." Ella joked with a giggle stuck in her throat, but before she could continue her taunting, she turned around to head back to her car, calling out behind her, "C'mon Matthew, help me with the things I brought."

The drummer followed her but scolded her for going against what they'd told her the previous day on the phone, "Ella, we told you we got everything."

And Ella clearly remembered them saying how they had everything covered and that the only thing they needed was her to be there but she wouldn't have that, she wasn't showing up empty handed. So she easily sing-sang, "Don't care!" as she walked up to her car and opened the trunk.

Matt was handed a pair of grocery bags with a few pints of ice cream and a few cuts of meat, managing to carry a strawberry cheesecake she'd bought for everyone to have later and Bre came up to them when she saw the big beer case that was left to be brought out of the boot of the car. Ella thanked them before she grabbed the gifts and her big bag with clothes and a towel for her to use after the pool.

Before she went out to the backyard, she helped put the ice cream, beer and the cheesecake in the fridge whilst Matt took the meat to the barbecue to season it and start cooking it along with the rest of food they had outside.

Bre showed Ella the array of alcohol they had already cooled in the fridge, but Ella opted to start it calmly with just a beer.

When she walked out through the open sliding doors, she was met with a scene that she'd missed very much. The chatter full of thick accents and those laughs she knew so well flooded her with a warm sense of familiarity and she almost wanted to cry.

"Hi!!!" She loudly greeted everyone, her smile so big that her eyes creased at the edges.

A chorus of "Ella!" was heard and everyone scrambled around to come up to her and greet her with hugs that swelled her heart with love.

She'd spent a little longer hugging Nick and Kelly, tearing up when touching the little bump that Kelly was sporting at about fifteen weeks. And those tears had managed to slip down her cheeks when she finally got her arms around Alex's frame.

"Missed you, sweets." She whispered in his ear, sniffling after the words left her lips and rubbing her thumb over the fabric of his white shirt.

Alex swayed them softly for a few seconds before plating a chaste kiss on her cheek and pulling away to reciprocate, "Me too darling."

The first thing they did was start the barbecue so that they could eat before getting in the pool as they waited for the sun to rise higher and burn brighter on them all.

The lads proudly showed Ella the High Green sign they had managed to put up on the wall right by where the grill was placed, and she giggled at their excitement only to run to her bag and get her camera to take a picture of them all in front of it.

As they waited for the food to cook, they sat down on the lounge chairs and caught up on what they'd all been up to. Everyone was more focused on Nick and Kelly's story about how they found out about the baby and what had been said on the first scan they'd had, so most of the conversation was centered on the little O'Malley who, according to the doctor, was coming at the end of September.

The food had been thoroughly enjoyed, loud chatter and laughter joined the chirping of the birds and the sway of the leaves from the wind, which was doing little to keep them fresh thanks to the sun now burning down on their skins. Most of everyone's clothes had been discarded so that they could be fresh as they ate and drank but eventually it got too hot and Matt was the first one to jump into the pool.

Bre and Katie followed shortly after, jumping in hand in hand and swiftly coming back up with bright smiles on their faces. Nick had taken the path of going down the stairs by the shallow end of the pool and he had expected Kelly to do the same but she jumped in just like the girls had done. Everyone laughed at the way Nick's face fell in shock and the deep breath he took after Kelly came back up.

Ella was finishing the last of her steak before getting in the pool when Alex stood up and shed himself off his shoes and his shirt which had already been fully opened. She'd been trying not to gawk at his figure even if she wouldn't be obvious behind her sunglasses, so she'd forced herself to keep her gaze on her plate as she stabbed on the last cut of meat she had.

That's why she hadn't noticed the way everyone in the pool exchanged mischievous looks with the singer.

Alex startled her by wrapping his arms firmly around her middle from the back and she'd gasp after swallowing the last bite of food she had in her mouth.

"Alex don't!" She pleaded in desperation, she dropped her plate on the chair beside her hip and that was when he finally picked her up and started walking forwards with her in his arms.

Ella squirmed in his hold, kicking her legs but it did nothing to have him put her down. If anything, she was only accentuating just how close they were because the more she moved, the more she felt him clearly against her.

Her cheeks tinted pink and she got hotter as he got closer to the edge of the deep end, and she heard him chuckle in her ear after she begged once more, "Please, Alex! Don't!"

But before she could try her luck once more, Alex leaped forward and made the both of them jump into the pool together.

She came up with a gasp and took a deep breath before turning around to find Alex and shove him, "You bitch!"

The laughter was loud around them, and Alex looked far too pleased with his actions. The corners of his lips pulled up in a gorgeous toothy grin that made her melt and she let herself come back down into the water to cool her face and brush her hair backwards.

She realized then that her glasses were gone so she scoffed as soon as she came up to the surface, "Alex!" She whined loudly, "My sunglasses!"

The cackles that her words elicited were obnoxiously loud but she sucked it up when the singer looked down and instantly dove down to find them. The group watched Alex's blurry silhouette move under the water until he came up with the black shades in hand and a soft smile.

He purposely got close to her and wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her in when he came back afloat, "Sorry, darling. Here you go." He said smoothly, handing her the sunglasses which she took with a glare but she still wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"Thanks." She muttered before putting the glasses back on, her stoic face being a challenge to keep on when he left a wet kiss on her cheek.

Bre had elbowed Matt before he could say anything about the pair because she knew her boyfriend was just biting his tongue to tease them about their proximity. Instead, she chose to start a conversation about their plans for the next day and suggested a visit to Universal Studios since they were merely fifteen minutes away from the place.

From then on, conversation had flowed smoothly and the next few hours had been spent drinking and chatting, laughing and smoking. Music had started playing from a speaker Matt brought out sometime in the middle of the afternoon and it kept playing until they decided to act like children and start chicken fighting.

Kelly had opted out so she and Nick had been assigned as 'referees' to 'keep an eye out on the fairness of each round', or whatever Matt had said along those lines.

Bre had managed to knock Ella down the first round, undoubtedly because Matt had kicked Alex and made him falter so Ella was thrown off balance and fell backwards into the water.

So while Ella waited to see who she had to fight next, from Bre and Katie who were currently fighting, she'd gotten lost in the way the sunshine gleamed on the girls' skins and how stunning they both looked.

No one could or should blame her for staring really—the two girls were models and for a damn reason.

She'd been lost appreciating their features being accentuated by the golden sunlight that Alex's touch suddenly on her face made her heart jump out of her chest.

His right hand cupped her jaw and he turned her face to the side so she could look at him, fingers firmly on her skin and, when his thumb came up to brush against her bottom lip, her breath hitched in her throat.

This is it, she thought. All that was going through her mind was how it would be then that he'd kiss her again. And she was certain that she would collapse right then and there.

Except, when Alex leaned forward, he never closed the distance. Instead, he opened his mouth to whisper, "You're drooling a bit there, darling." in a mocking manner after having found her gawking at the girls.

Suddenly, his touch was gone and so was he, only leaving her with the warm breath that left his lips as he chuckled to hit her parted mouth.

Ella had no idea why she felt so defeated by the turn of events and she cursed herself for being an idiot and getting her hopes up with suck quickness.

She had to act like nothing had happened, gulping harshly and rolling her eyes, turning her head back around to watch the girls, but she wasn't watching anymore. Not really. Her gaze was stuck somewhere in the background, staring into a brick wall as she bit the inside of her cheek and the feeling of her heart dropping and her blood running suddenly cold made her shiver.

Swimming to the stairs, she came out of the pool and poured herself a shot of whiskey. She tossed it back in a split second, hissing to herself when it burned down her throat and then she walked up to her bag to get herself a cigarette. She needed the sweet relief of nicotine so desperately then, to numb herself down a little—she wished she'd brought some weed with her.

"Idiot." She mumbled to herself when she couldn't get the lighter to spark, having to let out a deep sigh before trying again and when it finally lit up the end of her cigarette a familiar orange hue, she took a long and deep drag.

After that, every touch that Alex left on her skin, deliberate or not, burned like a cigarette burn that she was so painfully aware of. Each brush of his fingers sparked more doubts in her mind, she was so distracted by her own stupid worries that she was trying so hard to ignore, that she'd missed many words directed at her.

The latest one being Katie asking her if she could help her bring the dessert out for everyone. Ella apologized for making her repeat herself but nodded as enthusiastically as she could and followed the model inside to get the cheesecake out of the fridge.

Singing along to a Stones song that was playing outside, Katie and Ella worked steadily as they cut a piece of dessert for everyone to enjoy. There was something about cutting the pieces of cake that reminded Katie of her upcoming wedding and that's when the realization came to her that she hadn't told Ella the good news.

"Wait, did we tell you we have a date for the wedding yet?" The knife hung in the air as the model looked at Ella with eyes wide, praying that she had told her but just forgotten.

But Ella shook her head and smiled at Katie so she wouldn't worry about it, "No! When is it?"

Still, Katie's face fell and the color of her cheeks paled a bit as she apologized, "Oh god, I'm so sorry." She quickly plated the last piece before dropping the knife on the sink and then grabbing Ella delicately by the shoulders, "It's on May 15th, please tell me you can come."

The specific date rang in Ella's head and her memory itched with the faint knowledge of something happening around those days. She didn't really remember though, so she asked, "Is it here?" before she could check her calendar.

"London." Katie answered quickly, "This venue we really wanted but were waitlisted for called us last week and told us they'd gotten a cancellation for that day and we just said yes."

The elation shined through Katie's face and it melted Ella's insides, "Awh, I'm so happy that worked out for y'all."

Katie pulled her in for a hug and mumbled against her ear, "I know, we're buzzing too. But please tell me you can come."

"I think I have something scheduled for May but I don't think anything important." Ella commented before pulling away from the hug, knowing she'd have to make sure on her calendar and since it was outside, she pointed towards the sliding door and said, "Let me check." before walking quickly towards her bag to retrieve her phone.

When she was back in the kitchen, Katie watched expectantly as Ella skimmed through her phone. Her heart dropped right with Ella's when she watched Ella's smile falter to then curse under her breath, "Oh shit."

"Don't tell me it's bad news." Katie pleaded, as if she didn't know Ella's expression meant just that.

Ella cringed when she looked up and sighed heavily, "I have a shoot that whole week and the next one."

"Can you reschedule?" Katie asked quickly, even though it seemed almost impossible if the shoot was two weeks long.

Ella considered the possibility for a split second but she remembered the long document she'd signed and she remembered reading something about there not being a possibility to change the dates of the shoots, "I signed a contract..."

Katie started fiddling with her fingers, trying to come up with a solution, "We'll pay whatever the penalty for infringing it is– You have to be there!"

Ella pouted and nodded in agreement but she went back to her phone to find the contract and see what exactly it said. She frowned as she searched through her email, giving Katie a quick rundown on what the ambitious project was for, "The contract is with the university I went to. We're shooting this short film in Boston and submitting it to the Los Angeles film festival."

"So you can't come?" Katie barely mumbled, as if saying it louder would mean it to be true.

But, the volume of their words didn't matter because Ella found the ten page document and when she found the section talking about bookings and flights and venues, she winced and bit the inside of her cheek as she read over and over to understand that the answer wasn't gonna help at all.

"I'm afraid I can't, no." Flights and accommodation had already been booked, locations to film had already been separated and the proper city permits for the project had been granted for those dates, making it all impossible to be pushed to another date. "Fuck..."

Katie pouted, her heart heavy in her chest and she walked the few steps that separated her from Ella to envelope the director in a hug, "I'm so sad now."

"I'm sorry." Ella mumbled, hating that she would have to miss such an important event for her friends.

Katie didn't want Ella to think it was on her though, so she pulled back and shook her head, "No, babe, you're fine. This is so last minute, don't worry." Katie could also see how big of a thing that shoot would be for Ella and her career so she wouldn't want her to feel like she had to pull out of the project for their wedding. It didn't mean she wasn't devastated by the knowledge of her absence that day, "Just heartbroken you won't be there."

Placing her phone on the kitchen counter, Ella clutched Katie tightly to herself and agreed, "I know, me too."

With two plates in hand each, Katie and Ella walked outside and handed the dessert around. There were still four more plates to bring so the girls walked back into the kitchen to grab the last of them.

As she was about to hold two plates, Ella stopped in her tracks and turned to Katie with a suggestion, "Wait. How about I compensate for this?"

"What?" Katie asked, confused.

"For not going to your wedding."

Katie's brows rose in understanding and then she waved Ella off softly, "It's not your fault, you don't have to compensate for anything."

Ella nodded, coming to terms with that but a smirk showed on her face when she pushed, "Okay but let me be able to participate somehow."

Her smirk was contagious, a soft one pulling at Katie's corners of her lips as she said, "Right, I'm listening."

She had no idea what to expect and it was a nice surprise when the American girl suggested, "Do you wanna have a photoshoot tomorrow?" with a cheeky grin on her face.

A soft "Oh?" left Katie's lips at the idea of it.

She was about to say yes, not really a doubt in mind that a photoshoot with Ella would be a dream, but when Ella mischievously added, "We'll need to buy some things in fun stores but I reckon it'll be a good wedding gift." then it clicked in Katie's head what the girl was suggesting.

"Is this what I think it is?" Katie whispered, as if the naughty idea that had been thrown in the air wordlessly was meant to be kept secret.

Ella giggled at Katie's eager face and nodded, "Yeah."

"Okay, deal." Katie put her hand out for Ella to share, which she did with a louder string of giggles and when it was settled, Katie squeaked softly and added, "Oh I'm so excited!"

Finally grabbing the last four plates, they walked back outside. There, they handed those who were missing their sweet food and when Katie sat beside Ella at the edge of the pool with their feet dipped in the warm water, the model gave everyone the sad news.

As soon as Katie said Ella wasn't gonna be able to attend, everyone loudly talked over each other but the main word everyone had said was, "Why?" so Ella easily explained the reasoning behind it all.

With pouts and grimaces on their faces, the group came around to understanding after a wave of possible solutions that were just too much of an inconvenience for both parties.

"I'll steal Katie tomorrow, if you don't mind Cookie." Ella let the guitarist know, trying to hide the smirk that appeared on her face by eating the last of her cake slowly. "You know, to make it up to her."

Jamie stared at the pair with curiosity, he could see that they were planning something but he had no clue what it could be, so he joked, "And when are you making it up to me?"

Ella had to press her lips together not to give it all away, and she forced herself to act nonchalant as she shrugged, "Soon, I suppose."

Jamie hummed, narrowing his eyes at her and then his fiance but when they only giggled to each other and said nothing else, he figured he would be able to find out what it would be soon enough.

That night, after spending more hours messing about in the pool with alcohol and lit cigarettes in hand, Ella and Katie left to go back to Ella's house.

Before they could go to sleep, Ella went online and booked a hotel room, one that they both liked and that thankfully was close to The Grove so that they could go shopping and then to their shooting location quicker.

Going shopping for lingerie with Katie was fun. Ella had never been one to feel properly comfortable going into one of the stores because she always felt watched and judged but being there with Katie, who had actually pushed her into the changing rooms so that she could also try some sets and cute babydolls, was entertaining and Ella enjoyed herself.

"These are gonna look gorgeous dusting away in my closet." Ella joked as they left with an arm full of shopping bags each. "Thank you though, that was fun." Katie kissed her cheek loudly and, after taking a break to go grab something to eat, they got some gorgeous heels for Katie to wear.

After getting to the hotel and checking in, everything had gone incredibly smoothly and it just brought the biggest smiles to their faces. Katie trusted her wholeheartedly and she was a model so this wasn't her first rodeo, therefore it all added to the easy and enjoyable journey the afternoon was being.

The thing about boudoir photography was that it was tricky to find that balance between erotic and mysterious, showing much more than usual but keeping it enticing and evoking lust, hunger and passion. But with a woman like Katie posing for the camera, Ella found it so easy to play in so many different angles and spaces that just worked on the subtle storyline they were keeping for it.

By the time the clock hit five in the afternoon, the girls took the last of the pictures and once the sun started to set, they got everything they'd brought and went back downstairs to the lobby to check out and rush back to Matt and Bre's house.

When they got there, everyone was ready to head to the airport. Multiple suitcases were waiting by the door whilst everyone was having one last drink in the living room as they waited for Katie and Ella to come back. Thankfully, Katie had taken her case with her so she'd put everything away in the hotel before coming back so that she'd be ready to go when they stepped foot in the house.

The minute Bre stepped back into the living room with Ella and Katie in tow, everyone downed the last of their drinks and scrambled to get their things and leave as soon as they could. Their flight was leaving in a few hours, and they knew just how busy LAX would be on a Sunday night.

That was why the goodbyes exchanged were hasty and brief. They got the eight minutes it took for the big van they'd ordered to take them to the airport as the time to bid each other farewell.

Katie squeezed Ella tightly before she got inside the vehicle and Jamie had cheekily asked what they'd done as he hugged Ella goodbye, only to get a giggle and an obviously faux, "I don't know." as an answer.

Kelly and Nick briefly trapped her in a hug and Ella made them promise to come back soon so that she could do a little maternity shoot for them. Kelly cooed at the thought and took her up on the opportunity, making sure to promise that the second they'd plan on coming back, she'd be the first to know.

Alex, who had been helping Matt put the luggage in the back of the van, walked up to Ella last. She was still facing the van's open door so when he came up to her, he trapped her in a headlock and dipped his face so he could press a long kiss on her cheek.

The two couples inside the vehicle saw the way Ella's face lit up at the contact, her nose and eyes scrunching up and her lips pulled into a loopy grin.

Ella's arms wrapped instinctively around Alex's waist and she turned in his hold to hide her face in the crook of his neck. She left a few pecks there before she pulled back and whispered, "Be back soon okay? I'll miss you."

Alex's gaze went all over her face and she noticed the way the brown of his eyes gleamed when the lights of the house's porch hit them. She licked her lips subconsciously and, though his eyes dropped to see her plump pink mouth, he didn't close the distance.

Instead he nodded, pressing a kiss on her forehead and he mumbled, "Me too, so much." against her skin. The fact that he hadn't used this opportunity to kiss her made her thoughts tangle in confusion, she had thought that he'd be the one to make that first move considering she was the one to initiate it the last time.

Still, she let her eyes flutter close and inhale his scent, relishing in his hold and the force with which his fingers dug into her flesh like he didn't want to let go.

But he did. Leaving her exposed to the wind and her skin broke out in goosebumps when she watched him walk up and into the van, closing the door behind him.

Ella took a few steps backwards, until she stood beside Matt and Bre by the front door, and she waved them goodbye as the van started to move. She managed to see the singer blowing her a kiss through the polarized windows, her stomach flipping inside her as that familiar feeling of longing settled in her again. That same old weight on her chest that forced her to take a deep breath to be able to collect herself.

The second the vehicle was out of their sight, she turned around to look at Bre and Matt and sighed with a pout, "Well, I gotta go. I'm in work early tomorrow."

Bre whined when she said that and she hugged her so tight as she tried to convince her to stay that Ella'd had to beg Matt to save her from the model's hold. Matt hugged her just as tight but way shorter, only to bother her, before he jokingly ushered her away.

"Yeah no, off she goes. I have someone to do and many places for that to happen at."

Ella loudly gagged and flipped him off, "Disgusting!" She grabbed her keys from the back pocket of her jeans though and waved them goodbye, "Love ya'! See ya'!"

Even if she didn't want to know whatever they were going to do, she was so glad to see the couple smiling so brightly as she drove away. She lit up a cigarette, rolling down her window, to forget about how badly she missed that feeling of being madly in love—to forget about a certain person that came to her mind, and that kiss she'd wanted him to give her, only to squeeze her heart and make it ache more.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

It was merely a bit more than a week that Matt had stayed in Los Angeles, taking Breana with him to the Australia and New Zealand leg of the AM tour.

If Ella thought it had been horrendously difficult for her to keep up with Alex and the rest of the group when they were in Europe, she'd almost wanted to cry by the time half of the dates were done and she had barely spoken to him, or even Bre for that matter, a handful of times.

They'd never catch each other online, only seeing the messages each other sent hours before and it just multiplied the longing and the great feeling of the distance that separated them tenfold. It was so discouraging and to Ella it just felt like more cruel proof of why it was never gonna happen between them both. For Alex, the deep cut of his despair pushed him towards a sea of realizations that he was too afraid to navigate so he pushed the feelings to the back of his head for the time being.

Ella was following along their shows and whatever promo they were doing over on the other side of the world through Twitter, which had become her main source of updates, and that was how she'd found out Alex and Matt had spent one of their free days in between shows to go to a few radio shows.

One of them was Triple J, and she'd found a link to the full interview from some tweet going around.

With an idiotic smile on her face, Ella listened to Matt and Alex chatting to the radio host, laughing over the way Alex just let Matt take over for him and when the drummer would make him answer something, he'd purposely keep it brief and giving a 'boring answer' as he'd said himself after answering one of the questions.

After a few minutes of chat, the host introduced the acoustic version of 'Do I Wanna Know?' the lads were doing and she smiled like a fool when hearing the first strum of the guitar. She really loved this song.

Softly, she sang along, low enough to just enjoy Matt and Alex's voices. The lyrics were gorgeous and she found herself gushing over Alex's writing talent all over again. The 'darling's he sang made her tummy flutter and she felt the heat rushing to her cheeks.

When the song ended, Ella liked that they included a bit of them messing about and talking about other people's covers of the song they'd just performed, she giggled at the way Alex taunted Matt to answer for him and she wished she was there to actually ask him what he had actually thought of the Miley Cirus cover—one which she was gonna check out after she watched the next video.

The host announced a cover coming next and she was intrigued by the weird clue Matt had given the audience. It sounded like distorted audio and she was so curious to know. Though she still had a giggle at the random and funny chatter going around.

She made a mental note to ask for a 50 Cent song whenever she and the lads were out, because she gasped in surprise when Alex said he'd never experienced one of his songs in the club.

When Matt revealed it was a Tame Impala song, Ella felt her heart leap in her chest. After having a good laugh over Alex saying, "Oh my god, I've gone cross-eyed" as Matt explained all he had done to get that weird audio clip, Ella's hand started getting clammy when Alex said the song they were covering was one she knew very well because of him: 'Feels Like We Only Go Backwards'.

To the forefront of her mind came the memory of the time he had shown it to her, her heart racing again. She came back to reality when Alex said something weird and once she finally tuned in, she realized it was him saying Nick's full name backwards.

She relished in the amusement she got from the brief interaction and the proof that he was in fact saying the full name backwards correctly, but then the host transitioned that into the introduction for the cover and Ella froze in her place.

It was like she was holding her breath up until the first verse, her heart kicking faster against her ribcage like reminding her she needed to breathe.

That song had become something special for her, sometimes hurting a bit too much to hear it come on as it reminded her of the distance between them and all of her hopes dying like forgotten flowers, but hearing him singing it made something shift inside her.

The first verse felt like a shock of electricity, like she came alive by the underlying meaning behind having chosen this song. And when he sang the second one, she stupidly wondered about what it was that he did that showed he had made up his mind about her.

She felt like a fool, trying to find meaning behind a song he hadn't even written himself and then, something dawned on her.

It was like a little voice in her head was calling her a fool and shocked her alive again with the knowledge of what song had been performed before the cover and once Ella remembered the lines to the opening song of their latest record, she felt like the breath had been knocked out of her.

Hastily she went to rewind the video, only to find in the queue of the next videos just the actual video clip of them performing the song in acoustic at the radio station, so she quickly clicked on it and let it play.

Ella had never heard any song in the record thinking they were for or about her—with the exception of 'Arabella' and 'Snap Out Of It'—, but when she heard the first line to 'Do I Wanna Know?' trying to tie any meaning with herself, the first line was like being pulled out of the water after having been under for so long.

Have you got colour in your cheeks? She gasped, her shoulders hung and all she could think about was when did she not have her cheeks tinted shades of pink and red when she was around him.

'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat. She had no idea how it had flown over her head that it was those exact words he'd said to her when he made her listen to the Tame Impala song that night in Rancho de la Luna. And how she'd forgotten about the fact that she was pretty sure this song had been recorded after that night, almost by the end of their recording time.

Suddenly, the pre-chorus and the chorus felt like a knife to the heart. It had been there all along and she'd completely missed it and now she had no idea if it was too late. Was it too late? She didn't know if she could just ask that, if that would even work. And then, she wanted to cry over the fact that it would be a bit over a month until she could finally see him again.

Been wondering if your heart's still open and if so, I wanna know what time it shuts.She reckoned that meant him trying to figure out if she was open to something after going through her heartbreak, and she thought that him resorting to writing a song about it rather than actually telling her anything was exactly what he always did or so Florence said.

It made so much sense, and then Ella got curious about there being any other songs there in the record for her. She had no idea how to figure that out without reaching and turning entirely self-absorbed so to twist every line into something self-referential that wasn't at all what Alex had meant.

It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you, but I don't know if you feel the same as I do.She groaned and let her face fall on her hands and let out a pathetic squeaky cry of frustration. It took her back to the pool when he had cupped her jaw and turned her head to the side to look at him. She couldn't forget the rush she felt at the hope that sparked up her spine when he did that, the stupid hope for a kiss that never came. Not even when he left for the airport.

But we could be together if you wanted to. Her brows furrowed and she confusedly stared into her desk. Did it mean he had always left it up to her to make the next move? Did it mean he was waiting for her to say it all? She thought it was hardly fair, knowing how long it had taken her to put it all together. Hell, it had been well over a year since they had started recording the album and almost a year since they wrapped up recording and it was all ready to go.

Sighing, she let herself enjoy as much as she could there rest of the song, every line now rumbling the walls of her brain more intently and she knew she wouldn't be able to stop thinking about the meaning of it all and the what-ifs had she realized all of this before.

Once the song was done, it was a masochistic impulse that made her replay the video, only this time she focused on watching Alex as he sang. She cursed herself when she noticed the way she was gawking at Alex on the screen, her gaze going from focusing on his mouth to his hands and then taking in his whole appearance and biting her bottom lip. She had to focus on his face and what she could find shining through his face that could give her answers, and instead she was thirsting over him. As per usual.

When her second watch of the video was over, Lydia knocked on her door interrupting her train of thought, her PA's presence reminding her that she was at work and needed to get back on track.

So Ella couldn't really give into the full over-analysis of everything she wanted to keep doing, and she had to wait all the way until she left work for her to continue her horrendously confusing overthinking session.

She put on the AM cd to play in her car and tears ran down her cheeks by the time 'Arabella' came on. There were so many things she wanted to ask that she just couldn't because she wasn't brave enough to just call him and demand answers and it was frustrating.

It was beyond her understanding why she decided to even grab her phone and pull up Alex's contact to send a message that hinted at her having seen the radio show, hoping with all of her that it was enough for him to know she knew.

(08/05/2014 19:02) I'm so jealous, that beach looks wonderful sweetness!! Though I would be shitting it thinking about sharks, clearly I watch too many movies hahahah. Say hello to the guys for me, yeah? And tell Yellamo he better send me those tim tams he promised me xx

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The Cook's wedding came around rather quickly and it was quite noticeable that Ella's presence was missing that day.

Ella had been sad all morning, sulking in the provisional office they'd given her and the rest of the team in charge of the short film in Boston. Alex kept her updated by sending her loads of pictures around the venue and videos of him walking around, and he had even been begrudgingly allowed to go see the bride with Ella on facetime, she had teared up seeing Katie all done and ready in her gorgeous white gown.

Alex had been lured into staying so Ella could be part of the little toast Katie's family and friends did for her, even giving her the opportunity to partake in it and Katie blew her a kiss through the screen as a thanks for her lovely words.

When the singer went back to the groom's room, Ella congratulated Jamie profusely and wished him the best day of his life. The guitarist thanked her wholeheartedly and raised his champagne glass towards her before taking a sip in cheers to the well wishes.

Alex spared Ella from the ceremony, only texting her after Jamie and Katie walked through the aisle as newlyweds and flower petals were thrown all over them. He sent the video he'd recorded of that moment and did a funny summary for her.

(15/05/2014 12:27) Ceremony was long as always but you would've cried during the vows, I'm so sure. They were oddly emotional coming from Jamie but this might be a sign for me to have him help me write some songs now that I know he has it in him x They look good the Cooks, don't they? I hope the video of them walking down the aisle has sent xx

Ella giggled at the choice of words and she teared up a little more watching the video Alex had sent, the newlyweds were glowing and she was so fucking happy for them her heart could burst inside her chest.

(15/05/2014 12:39) They look fucking stunning!! I'm gonna cry!!!! x And stop being nasty, we shall see if your wedding vows are any better than his when the time comes, Turner x

He had no idea why the idea of his own wedding with Ella in attendance made his heart kickstart like it had been asleep, it suddenly raced in his chest and it rattled so loudly in his ears that he felt sort of lightheaded.

(15/05/2014 12:41) Are you gonna rate my vows then? xx

Alex waited for the answer as he fidgeted in his seat. The flashing image of his wedding not having Ella as a guest but as the one who'd walk up to him left him breathless and he clutched his phone tighter. This was the first time he ever thought of it and the feeling that flooded his insides was nice, warm and fuzzy and just entirely perfect.

That was when it all started dawning on him, that notion which he had been pushing away into hiding at the back of his head for so long—that was the moment it started creeping out to meet him.

(15/05/2014 12:42) I'll be front row giving you live commentary on them, with sound effects and all xx

The singer had no idea what to do with himself and the sudden void in his chest from that answer. Did she not share the vision he had? And even more importantly, was he really this despaired at the prospect of her not fantasizing about it too? He swallowed it all when Miles and Nick called out for him to join them as they were about to light the cigarettes perched between their lips, quickly typing a message to send Ella in response before hiding his phone in one of his pockets.

(15/05/2014 12:43) Of course. Best seats for you darling, if that ever happens x

Ella didn't even get the chance to see that message come through because the couple of the hour called her through Facetime. Turns out Katie had waited until after the ceremony to finally give Jamie the lovely gift she and Ella had come up with before she left LA that day. Ella quickly snuck away to the lunch area of the office that was almost empty by then since it was gonna be a short day at the office due to the next day being an early shoot, and she freely was able to enjoy the call with the couple.

"Remember how Ella said she was gonna make it up to us?" Katie almost sing-sang as she walked up to where she'd left the book which had been sent by Ella all the way from LA already wrapped up and with a cute little note.

Ella watched from where Katie had set her up how Jamie's brows furrowed in confusion at the topic being brought up, "Yeah?"

"Well it's your turn to see how that went." Katie walked gracefully up to her husband and bent over just enough to throw her arms around his shoulders and place the present on his lap, leaving a kiss on his cheek before saying, "Enjoy."

Katie straightened up with her hands still on Jamie's shoulders as he carefully undid the wrapping and the bride shared an excited look with Ella through the screen. They both returned their gazes back to the groom who was about to grace them with a million dollar reaction that Ella wished she could've recorded.

Jamie's jaw dropped when he opened the leather bound book and saw the first picture, his face lighting up in flames and turning him into a shade of red Ella had never seen on him before. His eyes were wide and his smirk grew bigger as he slowly flipped through the pages.

Ella knew exactly when he got to the more naughty ones because he had to close the book to turn around and see his wife, letting out a shaky breath that both Ella and Katie laughed over. When he opened the book again and continued looking through the last ones, he wiped his face with his hand and cursed a low, "Fucking hell." as he shifted in his seat.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this red, Cookie." Ella taunted him but he didn't budge his gaze from the book.

They watched as he couldn't help himself from going back to admire the pictures once again and when he deemed it was enough gawking for the time being, he let the book rest on the table beside him and pulled his wife swiftly on his lap to pounce on her lips.

Katie broke the hungry kiss in between giggles to ask, "Did you like it?"

And Ella chuckled when he growled and nodded, mumbling a quick, "Fucking loved it." before he leaned in to kiss his wife with desperation all over again.

Merely five seconds went by but Ella wanted to tease them for the show they were putting on so she cleared her throat dramatically loud before she said, "Right, I don't wanna be on the phone witnessing your unofficial porno." which prompted them to stop with laughter.

Ella melted when she saw them laugh against each other with the foreheads pressed together before Katie stood up and went to pick up the phone from where she'd propped it up.

The model pouted at the camera and sighed, "I wish you were here to party with us, Ellie."

And Ella matched her pout and the sadness seeped through her words as she assured, "I know but I will be in Alex's phone all night so don't worry."

Jamie came up behind Katie and rested his chin on her shoulder so he could thank Ella once more, "Thank you for that Ellie, it was a fucking perfect gift."

The giggles that came from Ella made the pair smile softly, "You're so very welcome. There's another one more PG but just as beautiful nonetheless, because it's all your gorgeous wife in that one as well."

"Oh yes!" Katie brightened up remembering that Ella also made her a book with the pictures she took of her when they did that shoot at her house, "I'll show him that one later, I left it somewhere in the house."

"Well I hope you love it just as much." Ella smiled softly and sent them a blown kiss through the screen after she added, "Have the best night guys, love you lots!"

With kisses blown from the newlyweds and lots of love sent back to her, Ella finished the call and with that she realized she could go back to her office and get her things to go back to the hotel suite she was staying at in time for Alex to call her during the peak of the party.

By the time she got back to the hotel, she walked into her hotel room to a handful of videos waiting for her in her messages. One was of Alex showing her around the place where the reception was going to be held at, there were another two which captured clips of the toasts people did for the newlyweds which ended up making Ella cry and a few more that showed the party just starting and the group throwing shots back and starting to dance.

Ella made herself a quick lunch—heating some pizza leftovers from the night before—and then she went to shower. Once she had finished blow drying her hair, she opened her messages again to a flood of videos coming from Alex, as well as a pair of missed facetime calls.

She rang him back but he didn't pick up and, from the videos she saw, she could guess that it was because of the loud music that he didn't catch her incoming calls.

About half an hour passed without any more videos and before she could text him to claim he was failing at keeping her updated, her phone rang with a facetime call from the singer.

She expected loud music so she prepared herself for the disturbance to her ears but when she accepted the call, her ears were blessed with Alex's smooth voice greeting her.

"Hi, darling. What you doing?" He instantly noticed that she was in the bathroom, wearing some flannel shorts that showed her thigh tattoo and a shirt long enough to cover most of the shorts, with some sort of mixture on her face.

She leaned into the mirror as she applied some lip balm, pressing her lips together and puckering them up before taking a step back and looking into the camera, she shrugged with a small smile on her face, "Nothing, just relaxing. How's the party going?"

"Good, good." Alex replied nonchalantly, his next words coming muffled because of him placing a cigarette between his lips and lighting it up effortlessly, "Just needed a breather."

"Oh where are you?" Ella asked curiously, seeing the dangling lights behind him that let her see the ivy snaking up a brick wall.

"Having a smoke in the garden." He let out the smoke he had inhaled to continue explaining his decision to come outside, "Even though everyone being wankered already is entertaining, it's not the same without you."

Ella had to really fight against herself not to coo and pout, instead she gave him a toothy smile and a raise of her brows to taunt him, "Yeah, no one forcing you to dance, is there?"

Easily, Alex stated, "Miles is trying." and it made Ella laugh loudly.

Puffing her chest out, she smirked and shrugged before proudly saying, "Miles doesn't have you wrapped around his little finger." wiggling her little finger for the camera to further her point.

And there was no denying that, Alex showed her a loopy smile as he shook his head and agreed, "He sure doesn't."

Watching him smoke never got old, and it surely was making her get flustered but, on top of that, she could feel the taste of the nicotine on her tongue just from watching him and she whined at the craving that shook her with force, "You're making me wanna go out for a cig."

"What's stopping you?" Alex challenged her easily and she sighed.

"I'm too lazy to go outside and I have this on my face." She pointed at the drying face mask she had on, he giggled at the look of it but then noticed how bright it was in the room she was in and it definitely looked like natural lighting.

"You got back early today, huh." The few days before he had managed to sneak a quick facetime call with her, she'd still been at the new office and she would call him back way later when she was back at the hotel, and that usually was when it was about to be three in the morning for him, so he was surprised to see her back in her room when it was still bright outside.

She smiled at his smart observation and nodded, "A miracle isn't it?" She played with the ends of her hair as she explained, "We had an early day today because we have to be at the office by five tomorrow morning, we're shooting all day so we were given a long rest before that."

"All day long?" Alex raised his brows at the information.

"Mhm. We're due in set at half past five and we're not leaving until midnight probably. We have a lot of night scenes to shoot so..."

"This is the short film right?" He made sure to remember correctly, his head scrambled from the tumultuous day.

"Yep." Ella nodded proudly, she still couldn't believe she was in charge of such a big project.

Alex hummed as he took a drag of smoke, "Are there any more directors working with you?"

And once again, Ella proudly replied, "Just me. But I have the writer of the screenplay with me to make sure I follow her vision."

The smile that broke in Alex's face gleamed just as brightly as his eyes did, and she wasn't sure if it was the reflection of the screen on his eyes or the dwindling lights littered around the garden but she enjoyed it nonetheless and was filled with a warmth that she loved so much when he said, "I'm so fucking proud of you Ellie." almost breathlessly.

She couldn't help herself from smiling as big as the drying face mask allowed her, "Thank you sweetness. You're so cute." She winced and dropped her smile when the drying mask pinched on the skin of her cheek and Alex laughed noticing that.

"You look very cute right now." He teased with a smirk, though it wasn't necessarily untrue—she looked adorable and he almost wanted to sigh and swoon like an enamored idiot.

"Oh don't. I've been looking horrendous since I got here so I wanted to do a facemask." She attributed it to the change of climate, but she'd seen the tub of face mask mixture when she was walking past the aisles of the grocery store and she'd decided to buy it and see if it helped at all.

Alex, as flattering as ever, easily refuted her words, "I seriously doubt that but okay."

"Only 'cause you've not seen me in person this past week." Ella sighed, looking at herself in the mirror again and feeling ridiculous with the drying mixture on her skin, "I look rough."

"Why is it cracking?" The singer was entirely confused by the way it had changed color and it had started cracking with the pass of time.

Ella shrugged, picking up the bottle that contained the face mask mixture, "It's some sort of clay mask or something like that. I dunno." She heard him snickering then and she looked down at the screen again with a glare, "I know I look silly right now, but don't even."

Alex raised his free hand in the air to claim innocence, "What? I didn't even say anything!"

But Ella narrowed her eyes and pointed an accusing finger at him, "You were thinking it!" She called him out and his expression only grew more amused, "I know you, Turner."

There was something in him that kept sparking up, like two stones crashing and crashing and he knew that soon enough a fire would start. The sparks shot warmth up his spine already and made his head all dizzy, he doubted it was just the nicotine's effect.

"Sure, sure." He joked halfheartedly, thought his stomach flipped at the way she truly just knew him so well.

Before she could come up with another witty comment to chat back at him, she heard the familiar start of one of her favorite ABBA songs and she froze in her place for a second, holding her breath to make sure it was the one she thought and when she confirmed it by just faintly hearing the first few words, she whined loudly, "Oh stop! That's one of my favorites!"

Like it was the most logical thing to ask, she demanded, "Alex, go back inside and dance for me."

Alex looked at her through the screen and swallowed his laughter before shaking his head, "Sorry darling, I would do anything for you, just not that." It wasn't entirely a lie, but maybe if she begged a little he would rush back inside just to dance to Voulez-Vous for her on the phone.

"Why are you like this?! It's a good song!" She complained as the song started building up to the first chorus.

Alex annoyingly pointed out, "No one's stopping you from dancing to it right now." and that made her glare at him through the screen before she scrambled out of the frame to get a hand towel and wet it with warm water from the tap.

Without noticing, she started softly mumbling along the song as she focused on whipping slowly the dried mixture off her face.

He let her continue without saying a thing for a few seconds before he couldn't just not point it out so he said, "See?" and once again, earned a glare from her.

Only this time, she sang louder and danced more wholeheartedly, swaying her hips and moving her shoulders as she messily continued wiping the face mask off.

Alex smiled like an idiot at his phone, so entranced by Ella and her moves and her big smile and the way she was singing that she didn't notice someone had come outside and seen him, and was slowly approaching him in silence.

The sudden, "Al?" startled him and made him choke on the smoke he had inhaled.

He turned around coughing once before he saw who it was and he switched his pained grimace for a soft smile, "Oh, hi Alexa."

The second she heard the sudden voice, Ella stopped her loud and horrible singing and changed it to humming along with the tune and softly swaying her hips to not interrupt whatever interaction was about to happen.

The model smiled back at him and asked, "What are you doing out here alone?"

Alex lifted the half of the cigarette he had left to wordlessly tell her what he was doing, but then he turned the screen of his phone for her to see that he was in fact, "Not alone."

"Oh!" Alexa giggled, noticing the girl on Alex's phone and waved at her enthusiastically, "Hi!"

Ella looked at the screen when she heard the greeting ring through her speakers and when she saw Alex's ex on the screen, she felt so ugly with the stupid mask still on the bridge of her nose and one of her cheeks, whilst the gorgeous model looked flawless in her perfect makeup and dress.

She had never seen her before, other than the one time she googled her after the girls had told her that Alexa had been Alex's girlfriend when she met the singer, but she still felt so incredibly intimidated and an uncomfortable bitter and burning feeling settled in the pits of her chest.

Still, she put on a shy smile and waved back with a soft, "Hi!"

Alex retracted his phone after that and before he could continue speaking to Ella, Alexa asked, "Mind if I pinch one?"

Alex nodded, resting the cigarette between his lips to use the now free hand to pull out his packet and lighter and offer it to her. There was a heavy silence as Alexa picked a cigarette out and lit it up, taking a long drag and sighing in bliss. The sound of it somehow sounded louder than the music coming faintly from the party and Ella was then painfully aware that the moment she had with Alex had been cut.

So, fighting the pout that wanted to show on her face, she patted her face dry after having gotten everything off her skin and let him go, "I'll leave you to it, sweets. Enjoy yourself and keep the videos coming, please?"

Alex clearly let his sadness show with a childish pout that had Ella smiling like a fool, and she had to bite her bottom lip not to smile bigger when he sweetly replied, "Of course, darling. I'll call you later, yeah?"

"Okay sweets, it's a plan. Love you!" Ella's sweet tone rang through the speakers of his phone and Alexa couldn't help raising her brow in curiosity at the words that the unknown girl had just said.

And the model's curiosity heightened when she noticed the way Alex's cheeks had tinted pink, but it somehow was clear when she heard him say, "Love you too darling, bye!" back.

It might've been a long while since Alexa had spent time with Alex but, at the end of the day, there was a time she knew him as well as the back of her hand and so she wanted to know who it was that had stolen the singer's heart.

"Who was that?" Alexa asked genuinely curious, her voice had a timbre of amusement like she was teasing him that made Alex blush even more.

"Ella." He choked out, like a giggle was stuck in his throat. "She's uh..." He wanted to explain further because he knew Alexa could see through him at that very moment but there wasn't any other term to refer to Ella other than, "My best friend."

He wished there was more, but he couldn't just say she was the girl that plagued his dreams, or the one he wished was dragging him to the dancefloor of the party. The girl who he wanted to escape to the garden with to share a smoke and laugh about their drunk friends. The girl he wanted to take pictures and videos of all night and keep them all like a treasure in his stupid phone to watch back when he was on tour. The girl who he wished had caught the bouquet Katie threw and looked at him like it was a sign for them to share that unbreakable promise that didn't seem so scary if it was shared with her.

The fog was clearing up even more, something inside of him slowly shifting.

"Right." Alexa smirked, her voice coated in sarcasm that just told him how she didn't believe that one bit. She frowned though, noticing the way she was absent in such a big event for the group,  "Was she not invited?"

Alex took another drag before he answered, "She was. She just couldn't make it 'cos of work: she's filming this short film in Boston to submit to a film festival."

Alexa's brows shot up in wonder, "Oh so she's a filmographer?"

Alex nodded and explained further, "She's a director and photographer. Works with Ben and Aaron, they're all from Focus Creeps and the three usually record our music videos."

That's when she realized just how acquainted they must be, knowing just how many music videos the band had put out for the latest record. "Oh right, from LA then?" It was obvious that she was, the American accent giving the girl away but Alexa was nosey in a good way.

"Mhm. She's from Tennessee actually, but lives in LA." Alex felt the need to correct.

Alexa smirked once again then, coming closer to him just to nudge his hip with hers and tease, "Ooo a cowgirl."

Alex chuckled as heat traveled up to his face yet again, "A cowgirl."

"She sounds cool." Alexa said genuinely, she also looked cool with her Arctic Monkeys shirt on, that septum piercing she'd managed to notice on her and the many earrings littering her ears, as well as the tattoos on her skin.

"She really is." Alex reminisced about all that came to be Ella and he sighed. He really missed her.

When he looked down at his phone and saw the group picture that he had as a lockscreen of everyone at Glastonbury, he perked up and started chatting about her, "You should see the pictures she takes, she's fucking amazing."

All it took was Alexa saying, "Show me?" for Alex to unlock his phone and pull up Ella's instagram for Alexa to see.

The model scrolled through her Instagram page and her jaw fell the more she found. Not only did she find the pictures she'd take of landscapes and cities gorgeous, but the pictures of herself that she had posted were hot.

"Oh she's fit." Alexa concluded with a raise of her brows, as if silently congratulating Alex for being able to pull such a stunning woman.

"She's a photographer but not a model?" Alexa asked intrigued, she kept scrolling down and clicking on one that Alex knew very well: that picture of her wearing only a silver bikini and cowboy boots, leaning backwards on her forearms on her motorcycle with a cowboy hat that hid her face almost entirely, except for her agape mouth that made it look like she was moaning. "Why?! She's stunning and she already looks like one."

"I know! She should be one." Alex spoke like it brought him relief to hear someone agree with him, but he actually explained the reasoning Ella had once given him, "She doesn't enjoy being in front of the camera that much. At least not with strangers."

Alexa nodded, completely understanding the point, her gaze still caught up by the pictures on Ella's page. When she pulled one up of the girl naked and only covered by a flimsy white dress that was completely see-through under the sun in the picture, Alexa caught the singer just gawking and so she elbowed him to taunt him, "You'd like it if she was one, wouldn't you?"

Alex rolled his eyes, before shoving her playfully, "Oh shush." and Alexa laughed loudly at the way he continued to blush.

"When did you meet her?" She asked as she handed Alex his phone back.

And it was obvious how he froze in his place for a few seconds before pocketing his phone and then he warily replied, "Erm... Remember back in 2011 when me and the lads went to LA to record the Brick by Brick video?"

His ex's brows shot up when she realized it had been that long, "Ohhhh! Since then?"

"Yeah." Alex confirmed awkwardly, knowing that he had still been with her when he met Ella.

Just to mess with him, Alexa frowned and called him out in faux seriousness, "You never mentioned her." But when the model saw Alex's face fall and pale, she cackled loudly and corrected, "I'm joking!"

Still, Alex seemed like he was having a hard time even swallowing his own spit so Alexa taunted him once more but this time a bit more lightheartedly, "How many songs on the new record are about her then?"

It seemed it wasn't as lighthearted as she expected because he looked pained when she mumbled, "Alexa..." as if he was asking for mercy.

"What? I know you." Alexa shrugged, "I'll send you my guesses the next time I listen to it."

When Alex threw the bud of his cigarette to the ground and stomped on it, Alexa thought he was gonna walk out on her and leave her with an itch she couldn't scratch, so before that could even happen, she quickly blurted out, "Has she got a boyfriend?"

"No." Alex's voice was barely a whisper and if she wasn't right next to him then she wouldn't have heard him.

She cocked her head in confusion, it was clear that he fancied her so she had no idea why he hadn't made a move to get her already. "Then what's wrong?"

In total despair to be reminded of it all, Alex sighed heavily as he rubbed one of his eyes like he was tired of having to be in such a predicament, "I'm on tour."

He sounded so devastated by that simple fact that the corners of her lips fell in a pout and she side hugged him as she sadly cooed, "Awh, Al..."

It seemed like he needed the space to speak about it because, totally unprompted, Alex started talking, "She's wonderful, and I don't even think she likes me if I'm being honest. Florence says it's obvious she does but– I just don't want to fuck things up. Already did before and I'm afraid of losing her entirely if I take one wrong step."

Alexa sighed, feeling for her friend and took a few seconds to gather her thoughts to give an objective perspective on it, "If my opinion counts for anything, from just those few seconds I saw you on the phone to her, I can tell that there is certainly something there."

"Do you think?" Alex perked up at the thought. maybe if someone else could see it, especially if it was someone outside of their close group of friends, then it really meant there was a chance.

His heart leaped in his chest, and the wave of words he had been holding back for so long seemed to want to come out even if Ella wasn't there to hear. He just wanted to scream every thought that came to him about her out loud.

"Yeah, it was written all over her face." Alexa assured him with an honest smile.

Suddenly, he blurted out, "I see her again in June. We're playing in this festival in her hometown and she goes religiously every year. She cried when I told her we were in the lineup."

Alexa tried not to giggle at the sudden word vomit coming from him, and instead cooed over the fact that what he'd just said would happen, "Bless her! That's gonna be so special."

"It'll be. And I just can't wait to see her again and this time in her hometown. She came around to see us at Glasto and it was just— I can't even put into words how it felt having her here, at home, during that time. So I'm just really impatient for June and to see her in her home and just being all that she is at her core, you know?"

There was the word vomit again, Alexa hummed entirely amused by the way it was so obvious on his face, so she smirked again and decided to be more blunt about taunting him, "You really like her, don't you?"

And that was when that notion that had been creeping out of the corners of his mind jumped at him at full force, making him almost stumble in his feet. 'Like' wasn't enough to convey all that he felt when he thought of her, when she called or texted him, when he saw her in pictures, when he was able to have her in the same room as him and much less when he had her right there next to him.

I just wasn't enough and it would be unfair to downplay it, not when he ached so much to say it all to her and the first step was finally letting himself come to terms with it and god, didn't it feel freeing and like a massive weight lifting off his shoulders when he finally opened his mouth and started saying, "I think I'm–"

Alex stopped himself there, shaking his head like his thoughts had gotten blurry and it was stupid to use the words 'I think', because he was sure by then, there was no other way to describe it.

And so he said it correctly this time, "No. I am in love with her."

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

A/N: It took him long enough, didn't it? What do you think will happen now that he's finally come to the realisation? I'm eager to hear your predictions heheheh. Finally being able to write that last scene was so fulfilling, I've had that planned out for so long and I'm just so excited for you all to read it!! We're so close to the end, it is actually so damn sad </3 But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this one and I hope to see you soon with the next one. Sending you lots of love, have a great weekend!! xx

Taglist: @imagine-that-100 @kennedy-brooke @faveficz @indierockgirrl @ladydraculasthings @moonvr @unwantedlovergirl @eaglestar31 @nikisfwn @funniestpersoninnyc @andrearroe @justacaliforniandreamer @alexturnersgf69 @yourorganiccigarette @chickenxdrum

[wheredafandomat]

Rock your body 🪩

Frat! Loki x Female Reader

18+| contains smut, alcohol, mention of drugs, frat shenanigans I guess because I just submitted my uni applications 😂

“Loki will be there.” Natasha spoke in one more desperate plea to get you to the party happening in the halls a few blocks away. To her expectation, this piqued your interest causing you to look up at her.

“Really?” You answered in an almost whisper.

“Yes really, him and Thor said they’d definitely be going but I guess if you don’t want to we—”

“No! I mean yes, yes we should go.” You insisted, beginning to stand from the couch you were currently slanted against, Bucky seemingly asleep next to you. There was no way you’d miss an opportunity to be with Loki. Since the beginning of the semester, both of you had been hooking up after having spent a lot of the summer together. You hadn’t labelled anything further than friends with benefits yet you still loved being around him. You wanted to go to the party to be with him, definitely not to police him. “I’m gonna shower, I’ll be ready in an hour.” You added, walking towards the bathroom.

“Cool, I’ll make sure Bucky hooks us up with the good stuff.” Natasha winked to which Bucky replied with a thumbs up, still half asleep.

Just under an hour later, you came out of your room wearing a halter neck crop top, your favourite leather skirt and a smile on your face as Bucky’s jaw dropped; he was more awake now.

“You’re going in that?” Nat exclaimed, eyes running over your figure.

“Yeah, you said Loki would be there?” You reasoned.

“Yeah, I thought you’d wear something shorter.” She began to giggle causing you to do the same.

“Looking sexy y/n.” Bucky smiled, lighting his blunt.

“Thanks.” You grinned, taking the blunt from his fingers and bringing it to your lips.

“Right, off we go.”

Stepping into the party, you felt the vibrations of the music reverberating through your body. The smell of alcohol filled your nostrils as you scoured the crowd for Loki, smiling at familiar faces as you crossed them. This wasn’t usually your scene. There were heaps of other students playing games, most of which resulted in someone taking a penalty shot of vodka. Those who weren’t playing were either dancing or making out, you hoped Loki was taking part in the games. The further into the living room you ventured, the more and more skin was visible, it seemed those wearing the least wanted to been seen the most, standing centre of the room as they danced with their retrospective counterparts. To your chagrin, your eyes met with those of a brunette who had two familiar hands on her waist. To your chagrin, Loki wasn’t taking part in any drinking games.

Seeing you stepping towards him, Lokis hands left those of the girl dancing in front of him. He didn’t really like her, she just grabbed his hands and placed them on her waist. No he didn’t like her, but he wasn’t complaining. When his eyes met yours, he had to hide his grin as his gaze wandered down your body. Low cut top, leather skirt, no doubt that same perfume you paraded around in all summer; it was seared into his brain, stained on his sheets. He savoured the scent of you, the feel of you, the look of you, the sound of you. He stroked himself to sleep countless nights recalling your whimpers, your praises. The sound of you coming undone was seraphic, he had told you so before. Seeing your expression, he rolled his eyes as he gestured to the girl in front of him who’s name he didn’t catch, he couldn’t hide his delight when you smiled, offering him a small finger wave before you turned away.

Making your way to the kitchen, you hoped Loki was following you. Even if he wasn’t, you needed a drink. Entering, you smiled at Wanda who was nursing a glass of red as you made your way to the counter with the vodka and mixers. Picking up a shot glass, you filled it up before brining it to your lips and downing it, your cheeks heating as two arms snaked around your waist, Lokis familiar cologne evading your senses.

“Not gonna say hi?” He questioned, speaking into your ear as you poured another shot, one of Lokis hands leaving your waist as he picked it up and drank it before slamming the glass back down. Pouring yourself another, you turned in his hold as you drank it.

“Hi.” You spoke, your eyes on Lokis.

“You look nice.” He complimented, hand running up and down your side.

“Just something I threw on.” You shrugged, clearly lying.

“Care to dance?” He offered.

“You seemed pretty happy dancing with Darcy from what I gathered.” You replied, Lokis jaw clenching slightly.

“Oh right, that was her name.” He smiled curtly.

“Yeah” you spoke shortly, why wasn’t he sorry?

“Besides, she was dancing with me, I wasn’t dancing with her.”

“Fine, let’s dance.” You decided, holding his hand and pulling him out of the kitchen and towards everyone else who was dancing as Loki eyed you from behind, ignoring Darcy as she tried to get his attention.

“Back off.” Natasha warned her as you walked past.

Before long, you were dancing with Loki, giggling as you both drank more alcohol. The music became more bearable and the vibrations felt stronger. You felt Loki grinding his hips into you as he held you flush against him, both of you never straying too far away from each other. If your hands weren’t roaming one another’s bodies, your lips were moving against eachothers. Eventually your stollen kisses turned more purposeful. They were messy, wet as you barely pulled apart, too enthralled with one another. You couldn’t deny the pleasured tingle you felt between your legs as Lokis lips found your neck, his hands moving over your chest, down your body, around your back, he was everywhere. He cupped your ass, kissing you again as he pressed his evident erection against you. You couldn’t deny how much you wanted him, desire rippling through you as you reached between you both, hand smoothing over his clothed length.

“Remember that party a couple of months ago?” You smiled sweetly. There was only one party prior to this you and Loki both went to and that night ended with a bang.

“The one where we—” he began as you nodded “in the bathroom?”

“Yeah.” You nodded.

“You naughty girl you.” He smirked, slapping your ass as you turned on your heels, heading towards the bathroom.

“Where’d they go?” Bucky asked, noticing you and Loki disappear.

“Prolly to fuck.” Natasha shrugged.

You moaned into the kiss as Loki pushed you against the sink, pinning you into place with his hips. He was quick to work on his flyers, pulling them down as he undid the button on his jeans.

“Turn around.” He near growled, his cock springing free. Spinning on your feet, you bent over the sink, gripping the edge of it with your hands as you looked up at Lokis reflection in the mirror. His thumbs hooked underneath the elastic of your thong as he pulled them down, leaving them at your knees. Spitting on his hand, he ran it over his length, lubricating himself before gliding it through your glistening folds. He wanted everytime with you to be slow, intimate, loving, but he had to have you now, there was no time for tender touches or gentle caresses. He couldn’t even allow himself the pleasure of tasting you, he had to feel your pussy around his cock now. Lining himself up with your entrance, he thrusted into you with a grunt, you falling slightly forward as he pushed in. Barely giving you time to adjust to his size, he pulled out before slamming into you again, both hands firmly on your hips as he fucked into you.

“Lokii.” You moaned, watching him, teeth bared as he slammed into you. His balls hit your clit with each thrust sending a jolt of pleasure through you as you tried to keep quiet over the sound of rock your body playing through the speakers. Very fitting.

“Soo good.” He purred, eyes closed as he swivelled his hips. He could feel your walls beginning to thrum around him. He opened his eyes, meeting your hooded ones in the mirror as your jaw fell slack, mouth open almost wantonly.

“I—I’m—” you yelped, your orgasm fast approaching.

“Come on, cum for me.” Loki snarled, increasing his movements before he felt you orgasm, your arousal coating his dick as he fucked into you a few more times.

Still floating down from your high, you spun to face Loki before falling to your knees and gripping his length. Bringing it to your lips, you opened your mouth, beckoning him inside. You hollowed your cheeks, swirling your tongue over the tip as Lokis hand found the back of your head, guiding your movements.

“Gonna swallow like a good girl, Hmm?” Loki questioned, his own orgasm approaching.

“Mmmm.” You nodded, your answer restricted by Lokis cock in your mouth.

“Show me how good you can be.” Loki cooed, thrusting into your mouth one more time before he ejaculated, smiling down at you as you swallowed. “So good baby.” He praised, breaths ragged as he shot out ribbon after ribbon. Using his thumb, he scraped the cum that fell down your chin back up to your mouth before you licked it. “Come here.” He ordered, helping you to stand before pressing his lips to yours. “So fucking good.” He exhorted, gripping your chin firmly before kissing you again.

Dampening what you hoped was a clean towel, you cleaned yourselves off before exiting the bathroom in the hopes that the smell of sex wasn’t still lingering. Your eyes met with Natasha’s as you passed her before you winked knowingly at her causing her to smile.

“I’ll walk you home, we can grab some food on the way” Loki offered “unless you want to stay?”

“Foods great.” You nodded, both of you leaving the party.

“Did they just—”

“Yeah.” Natasha answered Buckys question before he finished it.

“Cool.”

Props to Natasha for being the wingman 😂😂 also I wrote this during the ripple conversation (if you know you know) that’s so random right. Horny chocolate writings

Tags:

@lokisgoodgirl @lokiprompts @mcufan72 @lulubelle814 @mischief2sarawr @lokilvrr @mochie85 @vickie5446 @fictive-sl0th @peaches1958

[my-own-walker]

Someone You've Never Seen Before

A Kyle Spencer Fan Fiction

frat!kyle AU, fem!main character, sexual themes, mature language, use of drugs and alcohol, frat boy antics

15.

*TW for this chapter: Proceed with caution if SA-themes trigger you. If things don't seem right at a party, find a friend! Get out of the situation. And make sure you cover your drink!*

KYLE'S POV

I got to Kappa Alpha around 10 p.m. I got coerced into going by Lance, one of my brothers, while eating a late-night snack in the house's kitchen. In the dim light of the room, he begged me to come with him between gulps of milk (drank straight from the carton, mind you) as I ate an apple.

Submitting to his will, I threw on some jeans, and a pair of sneakers, and left to begin yet another weekend of drinking. That was about all I knew how to do anymore.

The KA house was already almost at capacity when we got there. I wasn't sure of the details of the party, just that there was one, and that it was at KA. I followed Lance blindly, and there I was. Some people were dressed way too nicely for a regular function, which led me to believe that this may have been the afterparty for a formal.

I slithered through the droves of people, saying hi to people I recognized as I went. I wanted to get to the drinks, and I wanted to get to the drinks fast. 

Then, there she was, leaning against the wall in the living room, wearing a pretty dress. She spoke closely with a decently tall guy. I tried to make out who it was without staring too hard. I decided to temporarily pause my quest for a drink and have a little stakeout. Seeing her there, so happy, made my chest hurt.

I spotted a place on a couch against the opposite wall and set my sights on it. I settled there for the moment, finding myself in a front-row seat to a scene I didn't want to see. Julian Garcia chatting Hannah up. 

I knew of Julian, but not much at all. I knew he was KA. I knew he was a senior. But that was about where my knowledge stopped.

He bent down dramatically to speak to her, in my opinion,  trying to appear taller than he truly was. I thought I might hurl. Although, he was more her type. I could see it instantly. The glimmer in her eyes as she took him in hurt to look at. She was different. He was, too.

My breath hitched as I watched him touch her, both of his hands holding onto her shoulders. Then, he spun her around and began guiding her through the sea of people toward the wall the couch I was sitting on was on. I shrunk down in the seat, still keeping an eye on the two. Julian produced a key from his pocket and unlocked the door in front of them. I felt sick seeing him pull her in and shut the door behind them.

It hurt to watch her enjoy someone so much. I wondered if she enjoyed her time with me that much. I felt homesick for arms that didn't want to hold me anymore.

Deciding I couldn't take it anymore, I stood quickly and walked with determination to the kitchen.

The dining room table had become a makeshift pong table. The counters were littered with bottles of beer and liquor. I spotted Lily Davies in the corner, watching the pong game. I made a beeline for the beer, grabbing one, twisting the bottle open swiftly, and knocking it back.

+

"Kyle?" a panicked voice asked from behind me. "Kyle!"

I turned around in the wrong direction at first, so I backtracked, finally seeing Lily standing behind me in the basement. Her face was contorted with worry. "Hey, uh, Lily." I migrated to the basement to get away from the possibility of seeing Hannah and Julian flirting. Seeing Lily Davies took me aback, though. Hearing her address me shook me even more.

She's here to yell at me, I thought. She's here to tell me off for what I did. I don't blame her. She should just hit me. I'm such a-

"Is Hannah with you?" she yell-asked sternly over the loud music.

I looked around, dumbfounded. "N-no?" I answered, utterly confused as to why she'd be asking.

"Fuck, okay," she groaned. "I don't know why I even asked you." The way she spat the word "you" hit me like a knife to the heart. It only confirmed that Hannah hated me.

"Why? What's going on?" I asked, concerned.

"I can't fucking find her," she shouted, looking down at her phone.

"Have you tried texting her?" I suggested, trying my best to help and maybe right a wrong.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "A world of good that would do, huh?" she snarked, producing a second phone, Hannah's phone, from the front of her dress. "She gave it to me when we got here."

"I- I can help you look, or-"

"Something just feels wrong. I don't know. Something feels wrong," Lily rambled. "No one can tell me where she is, like, no one's seen her."

"I've seen her," I asserted, my eyes growing wide. "She went into Julian Garcia's room last I saw."

"Oh my god!" she yelled, exasperated. "Lead with that, Spencer!" She turned on her heel and stormed toward the stairs. I followed her, because she was right, something felt wrong. Her short-statured form led the way, parting the crowd as she stomped into the living room. She stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the room and then turned around to face me. 

"What?" I asked.

"Fucking following me, Kyle?" she spat.

"I- listen I'm sorry, but if you feel like something's wrong then I feel like something's wrong, I- I-"

"You never told me which room is Julian's. Is he upstairs?"

"N-no his door is right over there," I replied, pointing in the direction of the room I had just seen Hannah disappear into under an hour ago. Lily spun around again and walked quickly toward the door. Once again, I followed. 

She tried the knob to no avail. She shook it a few times before giving up. "I can't fucking get it open!" she yelled. Her fist made forceful contact with the door multiple times. 

"Let me try," I said, calmly, gently guiding her out of my way with the back of my hand. I grabbed the doorknob and attempted to turn it. It didn't budge. I beat my palm on the door a few times before resting my ear against it, trying to hear what was going on inside.

It was silent at first. Then I heard a female voice whimper. They're fucking, I thought, rolling my eyes. The thought was cut short, though, by a male's harsh voice. "Shut the fuck up!" he hissed. My stomach dropped. Shit. Shit. 

"Lily, move back," I warned through gritted teeth, as calmly as I could. "In fact, get the people around this door to move the fuck back."

Lily stumbled backward with a horrified look on her face and began pushing people away from me. I stepped back and took a deep breath, steeling myself, trying to remember what I had learned on the internet. Right next to the knob. Next to the knob. You got it. Go.

I planted my left foot and kicked the door with my right, right next to the doorknob. It flew open flimsily.

The scene inside stole my breath and made my head buzz with rage. Julian was on top of Hannah, his hand planted firmly over her mouth. She was clothed, but probably wouldn't have been for long. Julian's head snapped up, a sinister expression on his face.

"Get the fuck off of her," I screamed, charging the bed. Julian flipped off of her and scrambled to stand in the middle of the room, his hands up in the air.

"Hey, man, I don't walk in on you when you're trying to fuck," he contended. 

I glanced over at Hannah and saw her, eyes closed, moving sluggishly with a pained expression on her face. She tried to flutter her eyelids open, but she couldn't physically keep them that way for long.

"There's something wrong with her. What did you do to her?" I shouted, seeing red. He didn't reply. I started toward him. "What the fuck did you do to her?!"

"She's just too drunk, man," Julian tried, a disgusting smirk on his lips.

"Don't fucking lie!" I yelled, getting in his face. I lowered my voice and through gritted teeth spoke again. "If you tell me what you gave her, I won't call the fucking cops."

He laughed sickly. "Just a roofie, dude," he answered, nonchalantly. "It's no big deal."

Blinding, white-hot rage shut my brain off. It only came back when my fist made contact with Julian's cheek. He stumbled backward and held his cheek. I rushed over to Hannah, who was still slowly writhing in his bed and scooped her up bridal style.

"Fuck, oh my god, fuck," Lily repeated, panicking, as she followed me, carrying Hannah, out of the house. "Kyle, oh my god, is she okay?"

"I don't know yet," I muttered, not seeing anything beyond Hannah, the ground in front of me, and the empty sidewalk just a few yards away from the house. Away from the chaos. I knelt down as soon as I got there, cradling Hannah gently.

"Hannah!" Lily cried out, rushing to kneel in front of me. She touched Hannah's face and got no response. "Oh god." She began to cry. 

"Lily, can you call a ride or something? She got roofied."

"Did he hurt her? Did he touch her? Oh my god," she sobbed, rubbing Hannah's face softly.

"I don't think so, Lily, but we need to get her someplace safe," I insisted. 

"Right," she sniffled, "right, I'll...fuck, I'll call Leon, I don't know." She typed searched for his contact in her phone with shaking hands and pressed the button to call him. She reached him within a few rings and walked a few steps away to talk.

I looked down at Hannah and wanted to cry. She had no idea how badly I wanted to hold her like this again, and for it to be in this context shattered my heart into a million pieces. I brushed a piece of hair out of her face. Her eyes fluttered open for a moment.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. You're okay," I cooed, speaking through the lump in my throat. "I've got you. You're safe."

"Kyle," she mumbled, before closing her eyes again and slumping, her head falling to the side. It felt like all of the air in my lungs got stolen all at once. That single word meant more than she would ever know.

"Leon's on his way," Lily breathed, kneeling back down in front of Hannah. "It's okay Han. We got you, baby girl. We're gonna get you home."

The world closed in on me. I looked down at her face and saw nothing but her. Felt nothing but her. In the middle of the chaos, there was Hannah. I needed to be calm for her. I needed to help her. And that was all that mattered.

Previous Part | Next Part

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Dead Friend Forever ep 2

Let's goooooooo!

Documenting my observations and speculations because of the ongoing mystery. (small comments in brackets are things I've gone back to after the ep ended).

I do like this opening music. It sets the scene well for this being a spooky mystery but also speaks of the youthful innocence - and then the breaking of it - of the friend group.

I know not every character needs to be colour-coded but they all seem to have a distinctive style, so for my satisfaction here's my interpretation: White is either blue or has coloured edging to his t-shirt (or both); Tee is either tie-dyed or red (or both) (White and Tee are the only actual couple and we all know blue and red are a common pairing...and Tee's tie-dyed vests have had both of their colours so far); Fluke is purple (duh); Por is maybe green; Phee is maybe orange, Jin could be dark, Tan could be light, and Top is either embroidered shirts or yellow (or both). Let's see if this continues throughout the rest of the series.

Of course it was Tan in the background of the film, he was missing from the scene when they were recording the film.

I literally said White's line aloud before he did 😂

I wonder if someone is putting something hallucinogenic in their food or drink rather than some of these 'supernatural' things happening to/around them.

HELP! 😱 That mask is super creepy 😭 *pauses and breathes for ten seconds* Ok, focus on something else - it looks like the person in the mask is using a crutch on their left side, so maybe has an injury to their left leg, and has the axe in their right hand...let's remember that for later.

If the masked person wanted Top dead, he could have killed him there and then in the bathroom. So if the masked person is real, why didn't they? And if they're not real, then does Top really believe what he saw? Or is Top lying to instil fear in the rest?

And so I also need to wonder if Por is actually dying or if he's acting to stir up fear in the group. Make up and prosthetics can look very realistic... Hmmmm 🤔

One of my biggest questions is, are we as an audience being shown The Truth?

That was A Look from Fluke...was he not part of whatever it is that Tee, Top, and Jin did to Non? (It seemed in a later scene he does know so probably was...).

I'm leaning more into the theory that they're hallucinating, and the 'drug' is playing into their fears. White obviously cares about how he looks, with all his skincare products, and as soon as he's used something on his face (has that been tampered with? Or did he accidentally ingest something when he handled the 'drug' for the others if this is all his plan?) he sees blotches on his skin. Top is scared there's a ninth person in the house, so hallucinates the attack in the bathroom replicating the scene from Non's film. Let's see if there are any other instances which will back this up.

Floppy discs! 😂

Do they really have to add those squelchy sounds for Por's wound 🙉

OMG NOT THE EYES 😩🙈😩 PLEASE!

Yes, definitely something to do with hallucinating and maybe Por is faking... Is the hallucinogenic drug airborne or absorbed through the skin?...

Something I can't work out...in the photo Top found earlier there were 6 people, so I assume Tee, Top, Jin, Fluke, and Non, but who is the 6th person? Should I have been able to see in the photo? Or will that be revealed later? (edit after watching ep 5: I realise I forgot to include Por, so that's the 6th)

Oh god it's That scene...not looking not looking not looking... Why are Top and Tee riding off the way the Uncle came, surely IF the wire was across the road it would still be there...so maybe it's not and maybe the uncle's head wasn't detached from his body...maybe it's more hallucinating...? Or if they're in the woods now then maybe they didn't go down the road at all...and the Uncle's death is real...

(I'll say this quietly because this is personal to me but I'm also having trouble watching because I don't think I like Jet's acting. It doesn't feel authentic and it takes me out of the story a bit because I don't feel like he's acting well. I don't believe him. And it's not like he's playing it so that the audience doesn't believe the character, I think it's Jet just not being as good as the others. It's like he's demonstrating that he's acting, if that makes sense, rather than just embodying the character of Top. It's a bit overdone for me. Sorry to Jet who I presume is working hard but it's just not landing for me).

THE TATTOOS ON THIS MAN!! 😮😅 UNCLE DANG...MORE LIKE UNCLE DAMN!!

Wow. I'm still hooked. I'm still side-eying Phee because I know he knows Non, and I'm loving that I feel like I can't believe anything that anyone says or does 😂 THEY'RE ALL STILL SUS. RIP Uncle Damn Dang though. The first real victim of this situation. If he really is dead.