#i swear i'm completely normal about these two fictional characters

[vgumiiho]

had a customer at work named steven barnes and it took every ounce of self control i've ever had to not comment on his name. i ran through about thirty hypothetical things i could say to him and they were all equally bad. honestly i deserve an award for not saying anything!

[ao3-top-batfam-ships-bracket]

My problem with Bat/ Bat ships isn't that they exist, it's how many people like them.

Wait! Hear me out. I swear I have a reason.

I'm good at ignoring ships that squick me, so I do. I also want to make it very clear I am not I am not hating on individuums who ship Bat/ Bat.

But to me, how much people ship them is kind of indicative of how little we value adopted children in our society. People say they aren't "really related" so it's fine.

Because you just don't see that level of engagement with ships involving biologically related family.

And it's that attitude shining through more than the shipping itself I dislike.

"Fiction isn't reality" no, it isn't, write the darkest thing you want. Explore fucked up concepts. That doesn't make you a bad person. It's completely normal.

However oftentimes Fiction is often still a reflection of reality. From reading, we can learn about our society (or other societies, if we venture beyond our own culture.) It says something, whether the author meant for it to mean something or not.

We understand where you're coming from and agree that adopted children/siblings are real family and shouldn't be valued less. We also agree that fiction mirrors reality which mirrors fiction, although that process is much more complex than many people claim.

However, 1) not every family is your typical nuclear family. Everybody defines their family and their relationships with its members in their own way. Some people call all adults that are close to them uncles and aunts, regardless of any actual biological connection. Someone could have been raised by their biological parents, but don't claim them as parents because of personal reasons and even view other adults who filled the parental roles better as their actual parents. Someone could have a biological sibling that is much older than them, grow up without them in their life and due to that think of them as more of a cool friend than a sibling. (All examples are taken from our own personal experiences.)

It's especially apparent in cases of found family, which batfamily certainly is. Tim and Jason haven't met until Jason was 18 and Tim was 16. Both were adopted by the same man, but they didn't know each other. Does that automatically makes them brothers? Even though without the adoption papers they would be total strangers? If Jason's death invalidated the adoption papers does it mean he and Bruce stopped thinking of each other as parent and child? Bruce and Dick have an age difference between 10 to 20 years and viewed each other more as brothers, partners and mentor/mentee at first. Bruce and Tim for a long time also thought of each other as mentor/mentee, especially since Tim still had a living father. That was also the case of Dick and Damian. Tim had a crush on Cass in the comics at the beginning of their friendship. Jason and Dick were technically brothers before Jason's death, but they weren't close at all and only met a few times. Barbara is a mother/sister figure to Cass even when she was dating Cass' adopted brother Dick. We don't think Jason and Cass even met once in post-crisis comics, despite technically being siblings. (Sorry we're only mentioning that one era, we aren't as knowledgeable about new52 and rebirth.)

The recent push to make the batfamily a nuclear family in our opinion does a huge disservice to the characters and their interesting and complicated relationships that can't fit neatly into boxes labeled "sibling" or "parent".

2) some people think of batfamily as a family AND still ship them at the same time. Yes, some claim they aren't "really related", but there's another side that absolutely views them as related and wants to explore what happens when two brothers or a father and son fall in love.

3) there's actually a pretty big engagement with ships involving biologically related family. Wincest (ship between biological brothers Sam and Dean from Supernatural) is the 15th most popular ship on AO3 of all time. We still remember how prominent the fandom discourse about shipping the Weasley twins from Harry Potter was. In almost every fandom, there're at least a few incest ships. Are they more popular than adopted sibling incest ships? We don't know, but if anyone wants to measure it in some way, we'd love to find out.

Edit: 4) as people have rightfully pointed out in the comments and reblogs, a lot of fics are AUs where one or both characters weren't even adopted and met in different circumstances. You can see that in a lot of fandoms, people will imagine close friends or even strangers as biological family and vice versa: write biological or adopted family as just friends or even strangers.

We're looking forward to hearing what other people think about this topic!

[thewatcher-ofmedia]

🔥CHARACTER REVIEW TIME🔥

(Can you tell that my portuguese teacher didn't come so I have 100 minutes without shit to do)

ANYWAYS, since I'm in the 4th episode I think it's a good time to see first impressions

MAIN CHARACTERS

CHARLES

I love him so much, like I was 10 minutes in and saying "I would die for you, I would kill for you, just ask and I'll do it"

Favourite character obviously

Wanna put him in a jar and protect him from everything bad in the world

He's brunette, has curls, is the sunshine character, has daddy issues and uses humour to cope so obviously he's also on the list of fictional crushes

Also something that I absolutely love about this show is that they pick this "stereotypical characters" and make them better.

Like, in this case the always happy character would have a ton of trauma but the show (or the characters, but that's a talk for another post) would not acknowledge this, they would show real depressed shit and then completely ignore it for the rest of the show.

Or just show it in the end of the series then kill him off.

But here they're letting people know from the beginning AND it's visible that the fact that he hides it is gonna be a major plot point in the show which makes me SO HAPPY

And in the loop scenes they made sure to focus on Charles face and reaction every. single. time.

Anways, I'm soo curious to learn more about his trauma and death and to see his character development

And he's so cute and trying so hard to make sure everyone likes him and lighten the mood and to not be a bother and to make everyone happy and I'm gonna cry

EDWIN

I also love him so goddamn much

He's also going in the jar, don't worry I'll protect you from everything

He's my baby (he was born more two hundred years before me and is my age BUT HE'S MY BABY)

Seriously someone needs to sit him down and say that everything is going to be ok (and get death the fuck away from him, my boy does not deserve hell, he deserves to be with his boyfriend best friend)

Also love this concept that everyone around him knows he's not straight, he knows that he's not straight but somehow he's still in the closet. Like, he never says he's straight, but he says to Niko that Mounty and him both boys, so one cannot be into the other and when Niko says that boys can like like each other he just turns the conversation around

I think they're writing that so well. It's subtle yet obvious, it's so good

Also, he's autistic, definitely in the spectrum. He obviously doesn't know because the first diagnosed case of autism was in 1943

And the dynamics that he has with everyone is SO GODDAMN GOOD

CRYSTAL

Someone give this girl an aspirin, a therapist and a bed

My girl cannot catch a break

One more in the protection jar, don't worry, I'll find your family for you, you need to rest

Overall great character, she's sassy, she's funny and she's the only emotional intelligent one

She's definitely gonna be the bridge for Edwin and Charles' romantically relationship

Like she's Miss "Edwin is acting weird because he's jeaulous of the sexual tension that we have, Charles" and Miss "Charles got stuck in the loop because he has strong feelings towards abusive fathers because he had one, Edwin"

Really love that we have someone to smack this idiots and say "You're in love with each other" because they are not gonna realise that by themselves

Also, DAVID GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER, SHE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU. I'LL GET THE CROSS, I SWEAR I'LL DO IT.

NIKO

She's so cute, I wanna protect her from this cruel, cruel world

This means that I already have her in the jar, no one else is gonna get to her

At first I thought she was gonna be this really closed and introvert character that was gonna talk when absolutely necessary and was a bit emo. But like her hair her personality lightened up as soon as the parasites got out (she was sick it's normal that she was wuth a really depressed attutude but Bea's too focused on the story to remember how people act socially)

I really wanna hug her, I need to

Also love how eager she is to help and how she has nothing to do with the boys , she's a "cas closed" but even Edwin can't say no to her

I feel like her "almost dying" trauma is gonna be a bit underrated (although I see that they are not completely ignoring because of the 3rd episode where she felt like she couldn't deal with death since she almost met her the week before) but I want to believe the opposite because until now the show has not disappointed me in terms of traumas (or in other terms really)

SIDE CHARACTERS

ESTHER

I don't have much to say, I like her in the twisted "this is a fun villain" way

I'm really curious to know more about this Lilith and immortality thing

She did loose some points in my book with the whole torturing the crow thing

I am ✨️traumatised✨️

CAT KING

I'm so confused about his character

Like, he's a really fun character

And his outfits are great

But at the same time, get the fuck away from Edwin, in both the scenes with both of them I was so scared that he was going to the "no consent" zone

I do love that both the scenes where he's in he slays the outfit, tries to drag Edwin out the glass closet, fails, keeps him trapped so he can try to do this one more time and goes away

Like, he has one objective and one objective only and honestly, respect

JENNY

My patient queen

I have not much more to say

She accidentally adopted two really weird teenagers and regrets that so much

I respect her so much

As an older sister, if she snaps, grabs a knife and kills them both out of annoyance I would support it

That's it 🫶

If you haven't understood yet I have way too many thoughts about this series

[spicywhenspeaking]

If I'm There: Chapter Twenty-Three

read from part one here!

summary: Noah and Natalie met in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

this is a complete work of fiction, some characters while based on real people are totally made up. :)

Taglist: @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @laurpartyprogram @concretenoah @thebadchic @jessitpwk@madomens @samanthasgone @myownthoughts12@missduffsblog @jilliemiw86 @malerieee @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @badomensls @robabankfuckmickeymouse

“Things are pretty normal given the situation. Noah has called a lot since he left and talks with Erin for almost an hour on the phone each time. We talked for a little bit but honestly, my feelings for Noah are getting so cluttered it’s hard to talk to him for too long” 

“When you say cluttered what do you mean exactly” 

“It’s just hard talking on the phone, you know, with everything. We saw each other for the first time in ten years and then I shook his whole world telling him he’s a father and I just wish I knew what he was thinking. We didn’t have enough time to talk about it all. He met Erin and it was great but I just…I feel like a failure of a mother for depriving her of him for so long and I don’t know how to express to him that I’m sorry. And honestly, I’ve never let myself get fully over him, I just feel like there’s always been a piece of me that has loved him, maybe just from what I see in Erin.” 

Dr. Grady is quiet for a few moments while she thinks and takes in my words. 

“I cannot speak for Noah, but I believe forgiving yourself for the past is important and a necessary step in your healing. You’ve already mentioned that there’s nothing you can do to change what has happened and it seems like you’re focused on helping Erin navigate this situation. As for your feelings about Noah, there is nothing I can tell you, that is a completely personal journey that you will have to take.” I sink lower into the sofa in Dr. Grady’s office and try to unjumble my thoughts, but those surrounding Noah will take time to fully unpack. 

“And on top of all of it, my brother just got to town last night and I swear if you had told me ten years ago I would say I was jealous of Kyle's emotional maturity I would have pissed myself laughing.” As I tell Dr. Grady more, I recall my conversation with Kyle last night after Erin went down for bed. 

“So, she met Noah huh? And she seems pretty happy about the whole situation so I’m guessing it went well?” Kyle asked cautiously. “Yeah, it went better than I expected. He was great with her, asked her questions about what she likes, talked to her about music and his life. He’s called her every other day since he left and they talk for hours.” I tell him as I pour the two of us a cup of hot tea. 

“How do you feel about all of this?” He asks while blowing the steam off the cooling cup of tea in his hands. 

“When I myself understand my feelings I’ll let you know.” I let out a pathetic laugh, “I’m happy for Erin, she’s happy and that’s what’s important. I’m trying not to think too much about all of the "what ifs you know? I told myself that I wasn’t going to let my feelings mess this up for her. She deserves a relationship with her father” I tell him honestly and then because I’m unable to stop it the word vomit spews out of me. “But I can’t help thinking what if I had told him ten years ago, would we have gotten back together? Would I have ever known truly if it was for me or just because I got pregnant, I mean how would you feel missing Natasha’s birth, her first steps and her first words?”

He takes a sip of tea and sits up straighter in the kitchen chair. “I think I would be upset at first, which you said he was but Nat, you’ll drive yourself crazy if you keep thinking about all of these hypothetical scenarios.”

“But like would you be able to forgive Maggie? Would you still haven’t wanted to marry her?” 

A look of complete understanding washes across his face, “Nat, why do you insist you deserve to be hated for this? Why can’t you accept that he’s forgiven you and move forward? You forgave him for leaving all of those years ago. You’ve forgiven me for all the terrible things I’ve done, forgiven Dad too. You forgave Mom before she died. You believe everyone is worthy of forgiveness but you, why?” 

“You believe everyone is worthy of forgiveness but you…that’s what he said. It sent me for a loop. It’s true. I’ll allow everyone to be flawed and make mistakes but when it comes to myself I wonder how I haven’t been dropped by every person in my life” I explain the conversation to Dr. Grady and wait for her response as I sit up and prepare for the end of our session.

“It’s common for people with anxiety to suffer from severe self-criticism. I’m going to send you a few readings I’d like you to look over before our next session and we can discuss it more since we are almost out of time.” She clears her throat and straightens up the papers in her hand. “It’s a very good question your brother asked. I think you should think about that one, why do you think everyone else is worthy of forgiveness but you? Because you are Natalie, you are worthy of forgiveness and you need to start by forgiving yourself.”

I quietly thank Dr. Grady for our session and leave once our time is finished. 

She’s right and so is Kyle. I constantly forgive everyone all the time but never allow myself the grace of forgiveness.

Erin is happy, Noah is happy and it’s about damn time I let myself be happy too. 

It’s around 4pm when I return home from therapy and my grocery store run. I got all of the essentials for a fun backyard fire pit dinner. We’re roasting hotdogs and then s’mores for desserts later. 

When I get into the house I hear laughter and music filtering in through the kitchen, I walk through and notice the sound is coming from the backyard where Maggie and Kyle have set up the waterslide for the girls. 

“Uncle Ky! Go go!!!” I hear Erin bellow as I see my brother fling himself down and slide all the way to the end of the slide. 

“Oh hey, Natty!” Kyle calls, standing and shaking the water out of his hair. “How was your appointment?” He asks softly. 

“It was good! Yeah, I feel good, thank you for talking to me about it last night, it was really helpful Ky.” 

“Of course sis! What are twins for?” he says and then wraps his arms around me wiping water all over my dry clothes. “Kyle! Ugh!” I call out and push him off of me while he lets out a full bellied laugh. 

A few hours later we are sitting, dry,  around the warm fire. Kyle and Maggie are staying at a hotel but when Natasha started to get sleepy we put her in Erin’s bed until they left for the night. 

I’m helping Erin roast a marshmallow when Maggie comes into my view, handing me a glass of wine. “I think it’s time for that girl-talk I was promised” she giggles and turns to Haylie who’s sitting and roasting her own s’more, “and I mean you as well girl, I wanna hear about this new book. You gotta tell me if they’ll end up together in the end please” 

Haylie laughs and zips her lips, “hey I’m spoiler-free over here.” 

Handing Erin her assembled s’more she thanks me and takes a huge bite causing marshmallows to overflow out the side and drip down her chin. I laugh and wipe it before it hits the floor. 

Kyle stands to leave us to girl-talk and gestures towards Erin, “Come on sweety, let’s go watch a movie while your mom has her lady talk, it’ll be boring” 

Erin giggles into her s’more “They just want to talk about Noah and how mom used to like him and now they’re both weird” she states while tossing a strand of hair over her shoulder and I can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of me, “yeah, sorry for being weird kiddo. I’m working on it.”

“Aren’t you observant?” Kyle says to Erin steering her towards the back door. 

The three of us giggle at the way Erin was able to perfectly sum up the situation, “She sees everything I swear and she’s too smart.” I comment under my breath as I take a small sip of the wine Maggie brought me.

“What’s going on in that head of yours Natty,” Maggie asks and her face is nothing but compassionate. “Too much Mags, too much.” I take another long sip of wine and look into the slowly dimming fire. “I am so unbelievably happy to see Erin happy..”

“I’m sensing a but coming,” Haylie chirps from her chair on the other side of me. 

“But.” I say, giving her a pointed look, “but I am just still navigating my own feelings about all of this, so I’m just a little scatterbrained.” I admit.

“Do you think it’s possible Noah could still have feelings for you?” Maggie asks and I shoot up in my chair, surprised by her question. 

“Oh god no, I was just talking to my therapist about how shocked I am that he can even stand being around me,” I say and Haylie busts out laughing. 

“Oh my god, are you blind? Dude the way he was looking at you not only the literal day you told him about her but the day he came over and was here for like eight hours, for Erin of course but Natty, there is no doubt he was also here for you.” Haylie says with a matter-of-fact tone and my eyes roll back so far I think they might never come back. “Oh please, there is no way Noah has feelings for me, It’s been ten years and at this point, we are just trying to navigate this co-parenting thing.” 

That gets a laugh out of not only Haylie but Maggie as well, “you’re either blind, stupid or both if you don’t think that guy is and always has been in love with you, knowing he now shares a child with you is only going to cause him to further attempt to submit himself as the only man in your life,” Maggie says but I shake my head in disagreement, I just don’t think that is in the cards for Noah and me anymore no matter how easily I lose myself in his eyes, or how I secretly listen to his music and have always known he was the most talented person in the world. 

“Whatever our feelings for each other may be, Noah and I have agreed that the most important thing is Erin’s happiness. I’m not going to risk that so I just need everyone to respect that.” I say with more firmness in my voice than intended. Maggie looks at me with a quiet understanding, “I will support you either way. I’m always on your side.” she says. Haylie nods in agreement “Me too.” 

We spend another hour outside finishing our wine before heading back inside to see Kyle and his family off for the night. Erin heads up for bed soon after and I do a final sweep of the kitchen before heading up to bed myself.

As I’m laying my head down my phone rings lightly and I hesitate slightly before answering. 

Hey Noah, is everything okay? Sorry but Erin is already asleep if you wanted to talk. 

Hey, yeah everything is okay. I figured she’d be asleep, I was hoping to talk to you actually. If thats okay?

Oh, um yeah, we can talk. Whats up?

Are we okay Natty? 

I freeze. What does that even mean? Are we okay?

Um. yeah? Why wouldn’t we be okay? 

I just feel like…I don’t know how to say this. I’ve been trying Natty but when I talk to you on the phone it’s like you can’t get off fast enough.

What do you mean? I just figured you wanted to talk to Erin so you could get to know her more. 

I mean, of course want to talk to Erin, but Natty I want to talk to you as well.

It’s been ten years and I meant what I said about wanting to be in your lives. 

You want to talk to me? About what? 

He laughs and the warmth of it climbs into my heart and makes a nest. 

I want to know about your life, I want to meet the Natalie that you’ve become and I want to try and make up for all this time I’ve lost.

Oh. I’m - well I’m sorry if I was short with you on the phone. Honestly, all of this has been a big change for us all.

I haven’t been good about dealing with this, obviously. 

Yes, It was a big change but I want you to know that I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this alone anymore. I truly do intend to be there. For both of you.

That’s co-parenting right? We’re in this together now. 

Yeah. Together. I like the sound of that. 

I can’t help the blush that spreads across my cheeks and down my neck, I know he meant together as parents but for a moment I allow myself to believe we could be the happy family I’ve always dreamed of. 

I know it’s late so I can let you go if you’re getting ready for bed-

No, no, I can talk. Unless you’re tired.

No, we just got off the stage and I’m to amped up to sleep yet.

So Natty, tell me about your life. 

We talk on the phone for hours. About the last ten years, I told him about life with Erin and we reminisced about life when we were young. I don’t remember hanging up, but I guess I fell asleep sometime while we were talking because when I woke up there was an unread text on my phone.

Noah S : goodnight :) I have missed talking to you these last ten years Natty. It is good to be back in your world. 4:13 am

I walk down the stairs with a spring in my step and I feel lighter than I have since this all began. I know we will all be okay and I can finally say that Noah and I are friends again after all of this time.

The rest of the week with my brother and Maggie is so much fun. We spend time at the park, go to museums and even a minor league baseball game. When they leave at the end of the week I give Kyle a big hug. "Thanks for everything Ky, I love you bro."

"I love you too sis, you're an amazing person. don't ever forget that."

Noah and I start texting more frequently in-between our phone calls and I find myself smiling and laughing more at my phone than I have in years.

In a week Noah will be back and Erin is so excited.

I won't lie, I'm pretty excited as well.

next chapter

[ciaossu-imagines]

I am so so glad you're back! I missed you and i miss KHR requests a lot ahah! I just saw about everything that happened to you lately and i am sad for you! I don t have any advices i haven t been through break up yet (12 years so far with the same bf 😅) but it s true that besides this i ve always had a thing for Yamamoto Takeshi... like he s kind of my dream perfect guy... and i used to imagine myself with him when i was a teenager... i still sometimes dream about him and just create a world where he is there and all this mafia thing exists 😅 i ve always kept it a secret and my bf doesn t even know KHR... but everything in my life kinda revolves around Takeshi (passwords names etc) I think i m too obssessed but i can t help it 🫠

Aww, you're so incredibly sweet. Thank you so much. I'm still very glad to be back, honestly. Thank you for the kind words and the support and I'm honestly really glad to hear you've never experienced a break-up. That's a wonderfully long time to be with someone and I wish the two of you continued happiness for many more years.

And thank you so much for telling me about your fictional other/comfort character! Yamamoto really is so, so fantastic and is a wonderful comfort character so I can see why you became attached to him. And I loved hearing you still sometimes dream or daydream about him and the whole Mafia world existing. I do that sometimes too when it comes to KHR, just because it really is such a fun, wacky world that seems like it would be so, so much fun to live in. And I can completely get making your password related to such a major interest. Almost all my passwords are related to various dorky things, Latin terms, or swear words, so I cannot speak as to that not being completely normal, haha! Again, thanks so much for sharing, this message was so fun.

[errorciphersystem]

Ayo, welcome to our hellblog. We post art and will likely post our fics here when we write and post them. We repost- whatever we find good or funny, depending on how we feel. This is a post I'm pinning to the top of my blog, explaining what y'all gotta know bout me, and the rest of my system. (Or at least the ones that usually post)

My name is William, and for the most part, I guess I'm a sort of temp host.

I run this blog, and my usual cohost Angel runs his own, but will likely post here sometimes as well.

Gavin has his own blog as well, but will likely also post here as well sometimes.

I don't give two fucks about system drama in the community. I am, and will always be, a completely neutral party. Endo? Cool. Traumagenic? Cool. Angry at people for things out of their control? Not cool. Leave people alone if you don't like them, Jesus Christ.

I honestly don't care if I gain less of a following due to this pinned post, because this is the internet. If y'all really don't like the way I think, y'all don't have to interact. Simple as that.

Simply put, we're just here to let Ink have his fun drawing and making content for everyone, and to enjoy ourselves with our ships. Regardless of how much so many people outside of and inside of these fandoms hates it. Suck my dick if you're genuinely such a prude you can't understand that these are fictional characters and everything is fantasy. If you genuinely disagree with someone's ship (REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE DAMN SHIP IS, IM BEING SERIOUS HERE.) You can be a normal human being and silently disagree and not post hate about it.

That being said, I'm not actually a dick, I swear. I'm just autistic and bad at masking my 'quit your bullshit' way of speaking. I'm typically really nice, or at least I try to be!

Once again. I don't care if I lose followers or anything bc of this. Means I know who I should and shouldn't surround myself with. I don't deal with toxicity, and neither should anyone else have to.

I love you guys! 🩵🩵 -William Cipher-Gleeful

[violencebian]

Okay the fishtank chronicles made a post and as they requested no one directly interact with them on that post I'm going to respect their wishes, but that doesn't mean I have nothing to say about this.

Brief warning going forward, I will be swearing and I may sound aggressive at times. If that is off-putting to you then my blog is not the place for you. It has nothing to do with how "wrong" or "angry" I am, it's simply the way I operate and think.

Firstly, I'm going to start by debunking or at least attempting to debunk one or two of their linked sources. I don't have the time nor patience to debunk them all but I've linked them in case you want to see them and formulate arguments against them for yourself.

Starting off with the 1st article. After giving it a quick read I've decided it's complete and utter bullshit! For those of you who don't have the patience to read it I'll summarize for you. It essentially says that many people experience a phenomenon of hearing a character's voice in their head and feeling like a fictional character.

I'd like to say: this is completely normal and has nothing to do with personality. Oftentimes characters you're attached to will follow you throughout your day-to-day life and they'll be on your mind. Simply day dreaming about a character, imagining them with you, or hearing their voice is not sufficient evidence an alter has formed nor is it grounds to call it "plurality." Though excessive amounts of hearing a characters voice, believing yourself to be them, or fantasizing about them may be indicative of psychotic disorders of MADD.

The other articles are too long for my attention span to allow me to read but if any of you wish to feel free to reblog with your own additions and rebuttals.

We'll start with their first argument against sysmeds: saying that we're cruel, abusive, or exclusionary. While how you view us is up to you and I won't deny many anti-endos engage in harassment I also want you to realise that endos abuse and harass traumagenics too.

Just take a look at tubendos blog and see how many posts they have dedicated to mocking and harassing people. Or this ask @/bitter-bloodbank received. Sure it may only be two examples and not sufficient evidence to prove this is a widespread issue but it does prove my point that endos are just as guilty of harassment and abuse as "sysmeds."

As for the argument that sysmeds are all children I'd like to say that's also bullshit! I'm the youngest anti-endo that I'm aware of? I only have 4 real anti-endos I see often in the syscourse tag or keep up with, two of which being bodily adults and the others bodily 17, just shy of being an adult. I won't get too much into that part though because I don't want this to transform into your word against mine.

But even so, if a ton of sysmeds are young why does that matter? Many endos/endo supporters are also relatively young and endo spaces appeal to a young demographic with their pastel MOGAI-esque themes.

Moving onto your main argument in addressing that sysmeds are largely young. You have no argument here other than "you are hurting people because you're traumatized" which is gross? You're doing nothing but weaponizing our traumas against us and trying to appeal to our feels which is honestly, fucked up. I won't call it manipulative because I'm not that bitch but be aware behaviors like this can be read as manipulative.

Honestly? That whole section felt more infantilizing and condescending than anything. It wasn't an argument, in fact it was nothing more than "oh you poor grumpy baby let's get you a snack and a nap." Like? If you can't formulate a proper argument and need to dumb down the opponent and act like they're some young naive child making mistakes to make a point, maybe don't try making one?

Next, our possessiveness over our spaces. This is just natural? We're a group of mentally ill people who've faced severe trauma, obviously we're going to be possessive of our safe spaces. Being young, or having no control in life has nothing to do with that.

But also if you aren't traumatized yourself or claim to not have trauma or "be different" then you have no business being in this space. It's not meant for you. We have repeatedly asked endos to make their own communities separate from us as they are not the same as us. We don't ask you vanish, we simply ask you move elsewhere.

"A lot of you will feel ashamed of the shit you've said!" Okay, but some of us aren't being hateful? We're simply trying to exist in our own spaces we have every right to. The same can be said of endos. You'll feel ashamed one day when you look back at the harm you've caused to a group of mentally ill people and how you tried to make it aesthetic and palatable. Again, you have no real argument here. You're throwing words at the wall in hopes they stick.

Not to mention comparing a group of literal trauma survivors, many of which are victims of abuse to abusers for not wanting their space invaded and wanting their own safe space is gross. You don't need to empathize with us or even understand us but that does not make it okay to compare us to people who've hurt us.

Our goal is not to destroy others. We want to create a safe space for ourselves and if it means fighting back and hurting those who hurt us, we'll do so. We're not trying to hurt anyone, that's just what endos tell themselves to feel oh-so-holier than thou.

So what have we learned? Some of y'all will really say any shit you want to feel righteous and justified rather than listening and actually attempting to educate yourself on your opponents stance or a trauma disorder.

Also! If your blog has been linked and you wish to have it removed let me know and I'll remove it for you!

[ghostietoasty]

Why Sherlock Holmes FGO is Sus: Theories and More

Before I begin, I’d like to give thanks to my wonderful friend for all the points, art, and info searching that have been made to produce this piece, I can’t appreciate you enough for the effort you put in. 🥺🙏💕

Alright now on to it!

INTRODUCTION: Humble Beginnings (Identification of the Abnormal)

If you’ve played the app Fate/Grand Order for a while you’d know about the Heroic Spirit we first encounter in a hole within Camelot’s dessert whilst going to the Atlas Institute. Smart, handsome looking, and sharp enough to discern our True Name, this man of mystery has been seen as an oddball by many long time players of the game. There are many aspects about him that raise doubt about his credibility, is he truly what he wants us to think he is? That servant is Sherlock Holmes (Ruler) and there are many theories about him having some secrets, about him either being a Foreigner class, Beast class, or something else entirely. We are attempting to catalogue all this information in one place for maximum clarity.

SECTION 1: Other Character’s Reaction (First Impression is the Best Impression) *WARNING LOSTBELT 1 AND 2 SPOILERS AHEAD*

From the first encounter in Camelot right until the end of Lostbelt 2, there are many instances of characters reacting to his presence in….interesting ways.

Bedivere, when first coming in contact with Holmes in Camelot says that "I suppose I've never really been good with people like him. He reminds me of Merlin."

It could refer to the mysterious manner in which both Holmes and Merlin conduct themselves, but better to keep in mind that Merlin is a Grand Caster, and that he manifests as a servant due to specific circumstances (he is not dead).

In Camelot, Mash assumes that Holmes must be Caster class and that the original novels by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle must have been biographies penned by Dr. Watson under a pen name. Holmes corrects her, saying that: "My true identity, my essence, is slightly different from what you may think. And sad, but that is not the purpose of our gathering here today."

This dilemma is also present in the Sherlock Holmes Trial Quest (which mostly tackles the debate of whether he's a fictional character or someone who actually existed). Holmes has a line where he says:

"Ah, yes. I mentioned I was a Caster. Forgive me, I lied."

This is however immediately followed up by:

"A jest. My apologies. I couldn't help myself." 

This sort of backpedalling raises a doubt as to whether he was really Caster class before, so the nature of his former class is still a mystery. He later mentions that his Ruler class is the World telling him that not all illusions and dreams need to be laid bare.

When meeting with Salieri in Lostbelt 1, Holmes introduces himself as such:"I'm Sherlock Holmes, Chaldea's administrative advisor. I became a servant through unusual means, just like you."

Salieri was only summonable as a servant  because of his reputation caused by the fact that he killed Mozart. He is under the effect of Innocent Monster. It can also be said that Salieri is a lostbelt servant and is significantly more sane than he would have been in a normal summoning, that was the unusual summoning that Holmes was refering to. Does this mean Holmes is not from Proper Human History? 

Sigurd (who's under the control of Surtur), while attacking us in Lostbelt 2 says this: "So, a human and two Heroic Spirits. No, wait. Neither of you are pure Heroic Spirits, are you? You've both got something else mixed in. Hehe, hybrids then. Interesting" 

This is in reference to Holmes and Mash, who are alongside the master at this moment. Mash is a demiservant (human+servant) hence the "Hybrid" comment makes sense, but Holmes? What is the "something else" mixed in with Holmes?

Later in LB2, Holmes requests the assistance of Scáthach-Skadi in beating Surtur. Skadi says that normally she would never pay mind to what a mere Heroic Spirit had to say but: "...but in your particular case…I sense wisdom in those beautiful eyes. You remind me of Baldr, god of light." Quite a bit later, she also has this to say:"Perhaps those piercing eyes of yours in fact surpass Odin's? Mystic Eyes, perchance? ….No, that's not it. They merely reflect your wisdom born of human history's cumulative accomplishments."

She says that's not it, but the fact that it was the first thing she thought of shouldn't be ignored. 

Baldr is the god of light. Holmes' attacks consist of beams of light, and his cane lights up when he's using it in battle.

In Norse legends, Odin is said to have sacrificed one eye to the spring of Mimir in order to get ancient wisdom, the ability to perceive everything in the world. 

SECTION 1.5: More Reactions (From JP Only)

Since it is JP only and there is no official translation for NA yet, this information cannot be 100% confirmed in any way. (Most of this is from Reddit translation done by fans). But as these are also important, it's best to put this information separate section.

Moriarty's interlude involves him finding a micro-singularity in London. At some point the transmission between Chaldea and the master gets cut and Moriarty reveals he created this scenario, made the singularity and everything to get one on one time with the master. He tells us not to trust Holmes. When the time comes, we as master should choose Moriarty over Holmes. 

It has to be kept in mind that Moriarty is not a good guy, he is a character created entirely to oppose Holmes so it is natural that he doesn't trust him. For all we know, it is just emotional manipulation. 

Moriarty's very nature is tied to being the antithesis of Holmes. Holmes might theoretically go against us for the sake of humanity while also trying to keep us safe (the master is in a way, a Watson replacement to him after all) while Moriarty would gladly let humanity burn for the sake of us but also for the sake of being completely opposite to Holmes and keeping his identity as such.

However he does raise valid points, how was Holmes able to rayshift? This part was never explained, and he also mentions that his hypothesis has a fatal contradiction in the fact that Holmes risked his life to save ours. What can be inferred from this is that Holmes is a good man and is on our side, but there is something very weird about him that should not be ignored.

In Lostselt 5 it is mentioned at one point that Zeus called Holmes dangerous, he mustn't look at Zeus or the other gods and that his eyes are enemies of the world.

It has to be mentioned that this is some heavy emphasis on Holmes' eyes (Skadi mentioned Holmes' eyes twice, and she was a god as well). Is it because of the nature of Holmes that he is the one that reveals all truth? Is that in some way detrimental to gods, magic and the world in general?

Recently, from Holmes' skill upgrade interlude there was a section about Holmes saying that he is always an ally of justice and that while he may be on our side, he is still capable of evil but it doesn't change the fact that he is our ally. Even then it seems he has some secrets that can't be understood by himself.

By now with the presence of Dr. Jekyll and Helena and their recounts on what happened, it is confirmed that Holmes was actually "alive"(?)

Some of the adventures penned by Dr. Watson were actually censored versions of the original happenings, which were magical in nature.

Holmes was traumatised(?) by Helena's death back when they were both alive. He swears he would never let that happen again. (remember what happened in lostbelt 2…)

It seems that Holmes himself is not fully sure of what is secret about him. Since he utterly dislikes talking about something without being 100% sure about it (this tendency of his has gotten us in trouble before) plus his general secretive nature, it can be said that this is why he wouldn't talk about that.

SECTION 2: Weird Things That Holmes Does (And Other Questions)

Heroic Spirits are anything but normal, but there are few servants who break the norm even further, and Holmes is one of them.

Holmes is able to Rayshift (presumably) from London, to Camelot, and then to Shinjuku. There are very few servants who are able to manifest themselves. 

Musashi also appears here and there, but it's not a deliberate choice on her part. She is not able to predetermine her next destination. 

Arthur travels from a parallel world to this world, but this is due to "chasing after a certain powerful antagonist, evil omen" - so he tells.

Beast class has the skill of Independent Manifestation which would allow the servant to manifest anywhere they'd want. Merlin, Tamamo Vitch and Shiki possess it. However, it has to be noted that Holmes' rayshifts have a significant toll on his saint graph, as he is unable to fight or defend himself by the time we meet him in Camelot. While normal Independent Manifestation shouldn't lead to the depletion of the user's saint graph. Holmes' class is unknown at the time of his rayshifting. 

At the time of summoning, Heroic Spirits usually reveal their class and True Name (there also are exceptions to the rule). At the time of his summoning, Holmes doesn't reveal his Class: "Are introductions necessary? I am a detective. If you were expecting a hero, my apologies...But if you wanted a detective or an investigator, you drew the right card."

In the case of EOR Servants whose names haven't been found, they reveal their class.

Who summoned Holmes? The only thing we know regarding his presence was that it was first clearly there when he tampered with information in London.

Holmes' illustrator is Yamanaka Kotetsu, who was also the illustrator of the beasts Tiamat and Goetia

The artists who design and illustrate the characters tend to do it in groups of servants who are related to each other in some way (Pako with Arjuna and Karna Chacha and Nobunaga; Miwa Shiro with Brynhildr and Sigurd). It is strange that Kotetsu designed only Holmes, Tiamat and Goetia.

(NEW ADDITION) It should also be noted that as an illustrator Kotetsu has had previous works in a Lovecraftian Guidebook and is also the artist to the Alien God Preistess, somewhat showing how their work leans more to the outerworldly.

SECTION 3: The Design

It is a very commonly noticed fact that Holmes' coat in his third ascension has a very similar shape to that of the Foreigner card artwork.

The pattern work on the coattails of the foreigner art and the inside (blue) part of Holmes' coattails have a very similar, if not exactly same pattern running down the entire length of it. The sphere summoned in Holmes' Noble Phantasm also has the same pattern on its sides and front.

There is a "fog" around Holmes in his third ascension, which is reminescent of the smoke in the card art. (Also can be the London smog).

The glowing section of the abdomen of the being reminds one of the metallic corset that Holmes wears. 

There are 4 notches of smoke on either side of the being (total 8), under their cape. If we stretch our interpretation, then it could mean Holmes' arms and the metal arms that he has is also equal to 8.

In that tangent, the shape of the coat is also similar to that of Saver class Buddha, the fantasy trees from Lostbelt 3 and 4, and the Shadows made by the 6th imaginary element.

The Endless Knot / Shrivatsa symbol on his shoulders is one of the many references of his connection to Tibet (faking his death after the Final Problem). It is an important symbol in both Jainism and Buddhism.

Some of its interpretations include:

The eternal continuum of mind.

The union of wisdom and method.

Since the knot has no beginning or end it also symbolizes the wisdom of the Buddha

the endless cycle of suffering or birth, death and rebirth within Tibetan Buddhism.

The cane that Holmes wields has a pattern on its handle in the shape of a Prayer Wheel. 

However, we are not able to find the meaning behind the script on the cane. Both of us attempted to translate it but failed. If anyone can translate the meaning it would be greatly appreciated.

The holographic books in the base of the unidentified sphere have a pattern on their front that greatly resembles a lotus. 

In Holmes' third ascension, there are a number of magical circuits on his coat.

The circuits are almost only on his left side, with very few circuits on his right side. It's not like it was woven into it, were that the case the circuits would have been all over his coat in a more even distribution. It's almost like an impact radius.

The circuits are very similar to the ones visible on the title screen of the lostbelts, as well as the patterns seen on the fantasy trees.

CONCLUSION SECTION: Something's Up (It's Big Brain Time)

It's clear that something is very strange about Holmes, from his interactions to his design, it's clear that there is too much effort into throwing these hints that it's not just a red herring.

Is he a Foreigner? Beast? Counter Guardian? Some other unknown extra class? It cannot be said at the moment. Holmes' role as a revealer itself is dangerous to mystery and magic, so it can be anything.

 It is also not necessarily true that just because Holmes has all these abnormalities, that he will betray us, or is on the side of evil. When has there been a clear cut side of good or evil anyway? It can be argued that we are the villains in some way, as we bring about the end of these timelines to safeguard our own proper human history. 

Holmes has always been on the side of humanity and will continue to be, the question is what the reveal will be, why and how. That, only time and future chapters can answer, all we can do is speculate.

[savrenim]

hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

[greycappedjester]

i'm not sure if i've asked this before but, do you have any writing tips? for people who want to write but haven't yet, for people who don't know where to start, even for people just looking for more advice? about anything, like how you handle plots, how you come up with and write characters, how you worldbuild, etc. thanks, and as always, you are awesome!

Thanks for the ask! I really appreciate the questions!

I’ll try to focus on on worldbuilding and character stuff for this one in case it gets too long; but, here’s one where I focus a bit on how I normally do oultines for the stories and one where I talk about general writing motivation stuff--which I know aren’t quite the same as these questions; but, I thought I’d link them for being tangentially related.

Hmmmm, I guess I’ll focus a bit more on my Cards series for this one since I feel like I often focus on Hq at Hogwarts and, honestly, Cards probably has a lot more for worldbuilding.....because I went way too crazy on world building for Cards, lol.

(Putting this under a Read More for length--Spoiler-ish(?) for All in the Cards)

Characters

So, for how I think of characters, I think the most important question for me is: how do they change? How are the characters diferent from where they started to where they end?

...But, that question’s kind of hard to answer. So, also, what made the character what they are already? Is it just general characteristics or did a large event in their lives shape that view? 

For Kageyama in “All in the Cards”, I wanted to focus on his tendency to isolate himself but translate it to fantasy. So, I made him litterally isolate himself and his arc gaining confidence at being King/ exposing himself to the world/ allowing himself to care openly. With that, I needed to give him a reason for why he started to isolate himself so I gave him a backstory that his parents were killed while he was young because he accidentally exposed them to danger by being King.That way Kageyama would have (a) a reason to isolate, (b) a definite emotional obstacle about the people he cared about being in danger, (c) guilt that his wrong actions could put people in danger.

Fo Oikawa in “All in the Cards”, I similarly needed to give him a really good reason to hate the very idea of being King and the Suit system itself....but, I also wanted to show that he had leadership potential (the why he should be King). So, those are the two elements I focused on in his backstory: (a) justifiable resentment for a government that never helped his people, (b) leadership ability in a dificult time.

I think the key is the character needs to change; but, also, if they’re just like that (i.e. purposefully difficult to the plot) for no reason, then they’re also....kind of super annoying to the readers. Which is fine if you want a character that’s annoying; but, if not...give the character a backstory on why they hold those views and why those views are perfectly logical and backed up by their experiences. Then, ask, okay, so what would be enough to change that and how would that character handle that change? 

....Then, there’s characters that change for the worst; but, that’s a tragedy so that would take a lot longer probably than a single ask (plus I don’t write too many tragic character developments)

Worldbuilding

Tbh, I probably do too much worldbuilding really. I think I’ve reached that point when I have lists of character’s wands and electives for Hq at Hogwarts plus an entire timeline for the Hearts’ Civil War in All in the Cards which happened before the story even started. Sigh, yeah, I’ve defintiely gone overboard on Cards. I swear I have a map and a overall timeline that tracks 700+ years of wars between fictional kingdoms and fictional countries’ foundings. Bright side, I do have a minor plan to write something more on Hearts’ Civil War if I can ever convince myself that it won’t bore people to death.

Okay, back to the question. I think the two key questions here is: What can the world do? What can’t the world do?

So, give your baby world some rules (like “Rulers are chosen by Marks that they’re born with”) and, then, pretend you’re an asshole in that world and take it to the absolute plausible extreme (like “Alright, so can you fake that Mark? Why or why not?”). Next, so you’ve got some rules, how do people react to those rules (Is everyone super happy about magic chosing their leaders or do some absolutely not trust it? Has this system ever gone wrong? How? What happened? How did this affect the everyday people and what do they think now?).

I think one of the biggest related things I’ve learned while writing is that those moments where you go “oh, crap, that’s a plothole: why can’t they just do that (insert thing they logically should be able to do)?” But, hey, that’s completely fine. That’s not a plot hole--that’s a plot point! “Why can’t people just fake a Mark and become King?” was the thought that led me to the plot for All in the Cards. “Why the heck does the basilisk only listen to the Heir of Slytherin and not just every parseltongue including Harry?” was how I planned most of Heir of Slytheirn in Hq at Hogwarts. You take those supposed “plotholes” and run with them until they’re yours!

So, yep, I’m not an expert writer by any means; but, here are things I’ve learned while I’ve gone so hope they help! Thanks again for the ask!

[mo-mo-and-porkchop]

Freedom is a state of mind

Vikings Fan Fiction

Chapter 7 (Chapter 6 here)

*I do not own any part of the Canon Vikings characters. It is simply my interpretation. I make no profit off of this.

**I do own the original characters and everything associated with them.

((This is my first attempt at this.  Hope you enjoy.  A special thanks to @ragnarsscn for help with the inspiration for this work.))

Tagging for updates: @whenimaunicorn , @captstefanbrandt , @kenzieam , @mblaqgi , @wish-i-was-a-mermaid , @microsmacrosandneedles , @babeyouareenough

He pushed the extra bowl of food her way and went back to his own food. He wasn't naive to the amount of sustenance thralls were allowed to enjoy and she would be no good to him if she starved to death before their first lesson.

Her cheeks warmed to a soft, rosy flush and she hesitated slightly before pulling the bowl the rest of the way toward her.

She didn't mind the kindness. In fact she welcomed it to his usual irritability. It just felt a little odd being treated so nicely by him. Until now Ivar hardly paid her any attention, and it admittedly unnerved her, but her stomach hadn't been full since her capture and the stew smelled delicious.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

Ivar paused, his spoon idly stirring the contents of his bowl. He was unfamiliar with the gratitude, but it felt good. He smirked to himself and savored the feeling a moment longer.

"Now," he said returning his behavior to normal. "Tell me what you know already."

-------

As she lay in bed that night, the day's events ran through her mind. Everything had been so...unexpected. Ehrlana knew Ivar must have an ulterior motive for his sudden interest in her, but nothing he had done pointed to a reason. She was nothing than a slave. No one to him. He'd made that point clear to her more than once.

So why was she now?

Her mind raced as she tried to figure out his game; coming up empty each time.

"....meet me," a voice drifted to her ears.

"Hmm?" she asked as she sat up, a small shiver running up her spine as she was brought back to reality.

"You did not meet me," he restated.

"I'm sorry," she apologized when she saw it had been Declan who'd interrupted her thoughts. After Ivar's request her mind had been in a fog the rest of the day. She had complete forgotten the two shared plans.

"It has been an odd day," she admitted freely.

"What happened?" he asked concerned.

She looked at him sympathetically. Telling him was going to difficult. The two had grown close since her arrival; a welcome side effect to their enslavement. He would be devastated and she could see no way around hurting him.

"I do not need your help anymore," she said with a sorrowful sigh. "At least not with their tongue."

"What?" Declan replied quietly. He did his best to hide the sudden surge of fear coursing through him. "What do you mean you do not need me?"

"Ivar has taken notice of my new ability to speak and has decided he is better suited to be my teacher," she explained, still not yet over her own surprise.

"What?! What do you mean Ivar wants to teach you?! You are a slave!" he exclaimed defensively before he could stop himself.

He rose and began to pace the floor; his mind already assuming the unknown details. It was evident his argument was with Ivar, not Ehrlana. And even though his misguided words showed he cared for her, she was still offended that he believed no one other than Declan would see her worth here.

"Only here am I just a slave," she reminded him firmly.

"You are right," he replied realizing his misstep. "But you can not trust him. Ivar never does anything out of kindness. He always has a reason," he continued much more calmly, though she could hear the pleading in his voice.

"I am not a fool. Save for you I trust no one here," she replied. His relief was obvious.

"Then why has he decided he is better suited to teach you than me?" he asked defeated.

Declan had been doing his best to hide his hurt, but his last remark couldn't contain it. At the very least it felt good to have someone other than her brothers become attached to her. Ehrlana managed a small smirk, enjoying the moment before her caught sight of it.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "But he owns me..."

"Only because you allow it," Declan cut in.

"He owns me and I can not deny him. Doing so will only anger him and nothing good will come of it."

He hated to admit it, but she was right. He knew if Ivar gave her an order, as a slave, she was expected to follow it. No matter how opposed to it she was. This was not home and she was afforded no protection from the young prince's wrath should she disobey. The only way around it was to reveal her true identity and that would only lead to worse; for both Ehrlana and the people she worked to protect.

Declan looked to her, full of worry - his eyes still silently pleading for her to reconsider. "I will be fine," she tried to reassure him.

He risked reaching out and gently held her cheek, his thumb caressing the scar just beneath her eye. The scar she still vehemently denied had been given to her purposefully. "How can you be so sure?" he asked, his implications understood.

She thought back to the day's events and the way Ivar had been with her upon realizing her growing fluency. How he hadn't immediately lashed out or grew angry. How he had actually shown some form of kindness sharing his meal with her. This was not the Ivar she or anyone had grown to know, but oddly she wished for more. Her curiosity was winning out on this.

Gently removing his hand and holding it she gave him a soft smile. "I just am." Her brow furrowed in slight surprise at her steadfast belief that no harm was going to befall her during her time with Ivar. "You must trust me," she said with a squeeze of his hand. "Should anything happen or my beliefs change, you will be the first to know," she continued in offerance when she saw he was still undecided about things.

"The absolute first," he agreed, returning the squeeze.

"I swear it. And do not worry," she added, letting go of his hand and laying back down on her bed. "Spending my time with Ivar does not mean I will abandon you. You are my only friend and not even Ivar the Boneless can take that away."

He tried to share in her resolution, but he couldn't help but feel this was it for them. Even though she was no one's wife and had no intimate ties to Ivar, the young prince was not accustomed to sharing. He'd killed another when he was young over play and rumor had it he had attempted to kill Margrethe when their shared evening didn't go as planned. No matter how sure she was of her safety Declan would continue to keep an eye out. There was no telling what would come of this unexpected alliance.

---------

Sleep had done little to calm her nerves and she rose just before the sun. Ehrlana was a mix of emotion as she made her way to the great hall. Her feet were heavy with doubt, trying their best to stop her from moving. Her skin crawled with chills as the spring breeze blew across her, forcing her to hug herself for warmth. Her heart raced with excitement the closer she got. Her mind raced with the possible meaning behind his sudden interest, but she soon brought herself back to reality when her steps finally made it to her destination.

The hall was largely empty; slaves always the first to arrive. The smell of food drifted through the air and slowly the King's family emerged from their slumber. They shuffled to the main table. First Ubbe. Then Sigurd. The Queen trailed behind the two, followed by Hvitserk - the least awake of the three.

She wondered if any of then knew of her arrangement with Ivar.

Before she could speculate further a sleepy voice broke through the silence. "Ivar is enn að sofa," Hvitserk said yawning widely and stretching. He hugged himself against the cool morning air blowing through the hall. "You ættir að vekja him áður he missir dagbók. He is miklu angrier if he borðar eat," he chuckled halfheartedly as one more yawn escaped him.

Ehrlana smiled in return, still only understanding some of his words. He laughed slightly and returned the smile, catching her confusion.

"Ivar..." He rested his hands against his face and closed his eyes momentarily. "You," he said pointing at her. "Go..." he added mimicking walking with his fingers. He mocked sleep again before opening his eyes as if being woken.

Ehrlana let the sma laugh fall freely from her. "I will go to Ivar and...." she replied before copying his sign for awake.

Hvitserk watched her leave, leaning against the doorway and thinking this girl was too good for Ivar; even as a slave. He pushed off the wall and joined the rest of his family for breakfast.

-----

She quietly crossed the room toward Ivar's sleeping body. She watched as his chest fell in steady breaths. He wasn't full of rage. His defenses were down. Ivar was completely oblivious to the world around him. He was so at peace and in that moment Ehrlana saw what no one else had - the human within the beast.

Kneeling by his bedside she held her hand just above his face a moment, momentarily debating herself over waking him or letting him sleep. "Ivar," she began quietly, her fingers still hovering above him.

No response.

Her heart began to beat faster as she readied herself to try and more. "Ivar," she gently cooed, gently grazing his cheek.

A soft groan fell from him as he shifted in his sleep. She snapped her hand away, fearful of his reaction should he actually wake. Fortunately he fell silent once more.

-------

The air was cool against his face. Waves crashed softly in the distance. Tress rustled. People slowly roamed through town as the day began From his perch he could see all of Kattegat. He shut his eyes, inhaled deeply, and savored his contentment.

This was his Kingdom.

The laughter of children drifted to his ears and a hand slid over his shoulder gently. The touch sent chills through his spine. He wrapped his fingers around it and gently moved it further across his chest. He hugged her hand against hisself and enjoyed the calm washing over him. Even though it was a stranger's hand he held, she felt familiar.

Her lips grazed his ear as she whispered his name. "Ivar," her voice cooed, fading just as quickly with the wind.

He hmm'd in reply, but was met with nothing more than a repetition of his name. Two small bodies, a boy and girl, ran past in a blur calling for him to follow. As he moved the woman from round him everything melted around them.

He was now in a hall. Much smaller than his, but ornate just the same. The smell of fire and earth tinged his nostrils. A long table sat in the center of the room. People surrounded the far end, eating, unaware of Ivar's presence. Their faces all a blur and indistinguishable.

Still holding onto the mystery woman he slowly moved her to face him. Her raven hair flowed weightlessly as if underwater, covering her face.

"Who are you?" he asked. "What is this place?"

His name her only reply. When he let go to reveal her identity whe began drifting further away. Desperately he tried to grab hold of her once more, but failed, dropping to the ground once again immobile - his braces and crutch vanished.

"Stop!" he shouted as fear crawled through his veins. Further away she drifted. "Come back!"

Darkness crept in around him, swallowing everything in its path. He crawled furiously forward and gave one last panicked grab for the woman. Victoriously he felt the fabric of her dress between his fingers. With a triumphant grin he held tighter and yanked her back.

Immediately he dropped the clothing and scurried backward. The seer rushed forward and grabbed hold of Ivar's shirt. His face was mangled. Blood poured from his eyes. Ivar fiercely tried to escape the seer's grasp unsuccessfully. "Let! Me! Go!"

Nothing more than a gargle escaped him as he tried to speak.

A wave of hot air rushed past. The seer rose from the ground where they struggled, lifting Ivar until his feet dangled above the floor. He floated toward the nearby fire. A low growl began to eminate from his chest.

"What do you want?!" Ivar asked, the fear evident in his voice.

"Wake up!" he bellowed just before tossing Ivar into the nearby fire.

-----

"Ivar, wake up," Ehrlana tried once more.

He shot up, grabbing her wrist tightly and pushing her aside. Fear spiked in her veins. "I am sorry," she stammered. "Food is ready. Hvitserk..."

He glared over at her, his heart still pounding from the dream. "So you hlusta to Hvisterk now?" he grumbled sarcastically.

"I am sorry," she repeated avoiding his gaze.

His anger was slowly fading taking his fear along with it. The calm still lingered enough to keep him civil enough to wave off her apology.

"Hvað veistu samt? Þú ert bara heimskur þræll," he mumbled to himself. "Do not láta it gerast aftur."

She let her eyes find his with his last statement. He knew she did not understand his warning. He slid to the edge of the bed and motioned for her to help him dress.

He hung his head still reeling from the dream. Ivar found no rhyme or reason behind his dream. He'd recognized no faces. Aside from Kattegat, he'd been in unfamiliar territory. He assumed then that had been nothing more than an odd dream.

Ehrlana quietly gathered his clothing and began dressing him. Her fingers were nimble and effortless as she tied the straps around his legs, tucking the knots in between them snugly. She handed him his shirt followed by his gloves.

"Go and serve my food," he said pulling the tunic over his head. "Mid day you will hittast me rétt fyrir utan skóginn. Handan hreinsun," he continued putting one glove than the other. "Do not be late."

[lcmawson]

Hry, I just got a copy of the Lady Ruth Constance Chapelstone books from a friend, and I was struck by the lack of acknowledgments or a dedication in it like I'd normally see in a work of fiction. I guess I'm just wondering if you did the entire thing without even an editor? Like, I'm really impressed, they are so good.

:D I’m really glad you like them!

Okay, I’m gonna be honest here, I completely forgot that acknowledgements and dedications were a thing until right this second.

So, like, 97% of people read my books on either Kindles or the Kindle app and Kindles basically scan the book for back and front matter and then skip it. Like, it’s still there if you go back and look, but a Kindle book will start at the first page of the story, not all the way back at the cover page. And it’ll show you a screen asking you to rate the book/buy the next one as soon as the book itself is finished.

So I gave up on most front and back matter after my first book. I put a list of my titles in reading order (just in case someone doesn’t know where they are in the series) and I put in a copyright page to cover my ass legally. That’s it.

The paperback versions are basically the ebooks with a little extra formatting (I don’t care what anyone says, chapter header pictures in ebooks are the devil and I will not use them, but they do look pretty in paperbacks) and a slightly different cover, so they don’t have any extra front or back matter.

But, yeah, I should have an acknowledgements to thank my beta readers, if nothing else, because I owe those guys a lot. I’ve been toying with an author’s notes bit at the end of the book (with thanks in there, like I used to do when writing fanfic), but I’m not sure where to put it. Usually, I put a preview to the next book at the end of the book. If I put the AN after, Amazon will probably cut it off and, even if they don’t, anyone (like me) who doesn’t read previews won’t see it. And if I put it before, people might close the book without seeing the preview because they think it’s over.

Right now, I’m thinking of putting it before the preview and just saying up front that the preview will be on the next page.

To answer the question at the end, I have beta readers right now and that’s it.

And that is not a good idea! Like, even slightly! I know that, I’m not being cocky here.

I’ve had pro editors in the past, it’s just one of those intersections between anxiety and money that’s tough to navigate.

Like, it is hard to find a good editor who doesn’t need an autism 101 crash course and who I can afford.

(I swear, if I had a pound for every time an editor changed “autism” to “Asperger’s” with a note attached about how the character wasn’t “severe” enough to be autistic... Well, I’d have enough money for this to not be a problem.)

My books would be better with a pro editor. That’s not even a question.

But if twenty-two years of dyslexia have taught me anything, it’s how to write cleanly. I have about five different bits of editing/spell-checking software that run through my books for me and my beta readers have always been good at cleaning up the rest.

I also write well ahead of publishing (for example, I just finished the first draft of the ninth Freya Snow book which is scheduled for release in November), so I have plenty of time to read and re-read books for errors.

And no one’s ever complained about poor editing/typos on any of my non-edited books (there is a complaint in a review of one of my edited ones, but that turned out to be an error that cropped up when I reformatted the edited doc file that I’ve since fixed), so I’m taking that to mean that no one can tell the difference. If I got complaints, I’d try to figure out how to scrape some cash together for an editor, probably by slowing down my publishing schedule so that I don’t need so many books edited.

The same applies to cover design and formatting the book files.

If I had the money, someone else would be doing it, but I don’t and good editors/cover designers are expensive (as they should be - part of the problem is also that I won’t underpay someone even though I know there are more exploitative sites I could go through for these services).

So, yeah, my acknowledgements would basically be my beta readers and my review team and they’ll go in the author’s notes from now on (once I’ve figured out what else I want to say in the ANs...).