#i think i would be a healthier person if i lived in a time where the internet did not exist

[newbiespud]

I'm sure it's been said before but I'll say it myself because why not

The game In Stars and Time makes for a revealing contrast to the movie Groundhog Day in how they treat their final time loop and how that reflects on the main character. (Even though, if I remember right, the dev largely wasn't aware of Groundhog Day when they came up with ISAT.)

Spoilers for both after the break, I guess.

In Groundhog Day, Phil starts out narcissistic and self-centered, has the realization that he can live life without consequences, gets depressed after having tried and done everything that he's got everyone and everything memorized so that nothing can delight and surprise him anymore, and finally escapes when he performs a loop that proves that a better, happier world is within his grasp to make, not something owed to him, and that he is happy with the life he has today, not always pining for his ambitions for the future.

In... In Stars and Time, Siffrin starts out deflecting and aloof, has the realization that they can do this perfectly - 'this' being not only the impossible challenge of defeating the King but navigating their relationships with their party - gets depressed after hitting wall after wall and repeatedly fumbling into faux pas after faux pas with their party, and finally escapes when they perform a loop where their true feelings come out, no matter how ugly, and they're honest about their own desires and wishes rather than trying to keep up an ideal façade.

Plenty of people have pointed out that In Stars and Time subverts the 'escaping on the perfect loop' time-loop trope that Groundhog Day largely codifies. Not only does the 'perfect' loop completely fail, Siffrin escapes on arguably the 'worst' loop, the one where they rightfully worry that they've hurt and alienated their loves ones forever and cannot escape those consequences anymore.

But I don't think this contrast is as direct as it seems, even though one could say that Phil got away scot-free compared to Siffrin and that In Stars and Time is the superior story for portraying a harsher outcome. (I do think that exploration and advancement of tropes is just inevitable and even healthy over time, and Groundhog Day came out in 1993 so of course it and the tropes it spawned deserve modern critique, but I digress.) I actually think that it reflects how both stories and the mechanics of their time loops are built around their main characters. (There's also something to be said about how genre shapes narrative since GD is an existential comedy and ISAT is an action-adventure focusing on interpersonal drama, but that's another digression.)

ISAT makes an impact on the whole time loop genre with its clever subversion, but like all the best subversive stories, it's couched in strong characters that embody its themes.

And to take a broader perspective, the best time loop stories are allegories for the real-life situation of making the same mistakes over and over again caused by your own deep-seated personality flaws, and being forced to finally confront your inner demons and overcome them and become a better, healthier person. (Relatable, much?)

Phil is a man who's never happy with his lot in life, so he needs to learn to find the eternal richness and beauty of what he has within his grasp, and that a better, happier life is something he can make for himself. Thus, he escapes on the 'best' loop.

Siffrin is a person who refuses to share their true feelings and problems with others to the point of self-destruction (and complete reinvention in one aspect), so they need to learn that no matter how ugly and twisted they think they are, being open and honest doesn't mean their loved ones will care about them any less, even when Siffrin is seen at their lowest point possible. Thus, they escape on the 'worst' loop.

It's not just clever subversion, it's holistic circular story structure!

...Though maybe I'm just drawn to these stories because I, too, would like some extra time to Figure Some Shit Out and have that time come with some superpowers along the way, even if it nearly destroys me in the process.

[doberbutts]

Curious about something you mentioned in your post last week, you said that in your opinion all drugs should be legal and I’m curious about how that would be a positive at all? Like I get weed bc it’s pretty harmless but when I think of drugs I think of cocaine and heroin, which have destroyed so many lives. If it was widely available wouldn’t that end up hurting more people than helping? That’s just my opinion but I’m curious on the other side

I do think all drugs should be legal. This is said knowing that addiction runs in my family and that the only reason my older sister is my *sister* is due to drug use and addiction. Otherwise she'd be my cousin.

Making drugs illegal does not stop people from getting high. It does not stop drug related crime. And it certainly does not stop drugs from tearing families apart.

Addiction is a symptom of a larger problem. Solve the problem and the addict problem goes away. Solve the addict problem and drugs stop ruining lives and destroying families and creating massive amounts of drug related violence. Places that have roled out decriminalization strategies effectively have seen an overall reduction in crime rates across the board, a reduction in recreational drug use, and a reduction in bloodborne illness like HIV. Creating safe needle exchanges as well as safe places to get high with medical staff onhand has also created a locale where very few people die from overdose.

Most people hear "decriminalize all drugs" and think I mean a free-for-all. I don't. I think the drug market should be regulated. I don't think you should be able to get ketamine or heroin over the counter at a walmart like you can get asprin. But I think it's time to stop putting people in jail for getting high.

My aunt tore her life and her family and her health apart for years while she was addicted to heroin. My sister, her daughter, needed to be removed from her care due to the amazingly bad choices she made as a mother due to her addiction and her prioritizing drugs over the health and safety of her daughter. My aunt has had multiple heart attacks from the damage the constant drug use did to her body.

My aunt is more than a decade sober and do you know why? It's not because she got a wakeup call when her daughter was taken away, because at the time she willingly and freely signed her over to my parents because that got her "out of [her] hair". It's not because she had a heart attack, because she went right back to it the moment she was out of the hospital. It's not even because she spent time in rehab and prison, because the moment she was out she was using again.

No, my aunt got sober because her life changed. She was put on a better pain management plan. She got out of her shitty marriage to her shitty husband. She completed some education to make her more hireable so she didn't have to rely on less than safe means of paying her bills. She reconnected with my sister and reforged their relationship once she was 18. She bought her own house. She found love with someone who didn't give a shit about her past and brought out the best in her.

My aunt was a deeply unhappy person. Heroin made life more tolerable for her. Until she couldn't tolerate life without it. Until she'd do anything, anything, to get her next high.

A lot of addicts are addicts because they are self-medicating for something else and their drug of choice has chemical properties that makes their brains crave it more. If you fix the "deeply unhappy" part, you create a healthier environment for that addict to take control over their life again. Without it, they are far more likely to continue to relapse.

Knowing this, why would I then want to add the threat of prison and jailtime- life-ruining things themselves- to an addict's list of concerns?

Look up rat park sometime. In the rat paradise, drugged water was freely offered, and occasional a rat here or there would take a hit or two, but rarely enough to even get high and almost never habitually. Addiction literally didn't exist even though the rats were taking addictive substances. But the rats in cages, seperated from each other, with no enrichment, crammed into small spaces and stressed to hell? Those rats took hit after hit after hit until they overdosed and died. The addict rats were deeply unhappy. The drugs were their only escape. The paradise rats had to be lured in with sweetened drugs to even consider and even then they rejected them. The caged rats did not need sweetner, even though the drugs made the water bitter.

If we can see such a stark difference in rats having their needs met vs rats experiencing isolation and stress, what would happen if we showed human addicts the same consideration?

I think a lot better results than continuing to jail deeply unhappy and desperate people for doing the only thing they can think of to cope.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hii! Could you do a mizu w reader where one is injured (doesn't really matter which one haha) and it's like a hurt/ comfort?

Take your time and get some rest!!

Write this when I was on the verge of falling asleep, so if any of it sounds like it was coming out of my ass, it was. 🦦

‘Why did you do it?’ Mizu asked, choosing not to look at you but instead focus on your injuried chest with a hard glare.

‘Do what? Protect you from that smiley coward who was about to use unethical means to completely blindside you?’ You replied as though the answer wasn’t already glaringly obvious, you honestly didn’t understand why you had to explain your reasonings as for protecting Mizu and putting your life at risk, but if it meant showing them that someone did give a shit about whether they’d live or die; then you’d happily be that person for Mizu.

‘You had no need to protect me, I could’ve-‘

‘Easily defend yourself, I know Mizu.’ You interrupted them before grabbing ahold of their hand, memorising the feeling of callousness to memory, as you rubbed your thumb against the back of their hand reassuringly. ‘I know how strong and powerful and amazing you are. I’ve witnessed your fighting spirit first hand and it took my breath away. Literally because when we first met you knocked the wind out of my lungs with the butt of your sword, all because you thought I was some stranger about to attack you.’ You finished recounting the tale of how you first encountered Mizu with a small smile. Why? Maybe it was your way to direct their mind to a more happier and healthier memory, rather then have it stuck heavily focusing on the one where they had their back exposed to the enemy; the reason you now had a massive gash running across your chest. A gash that would surly become a permanent part of your body but also a painful reminder to Mizu.

A reminder that you could’ve been easily taken away from them.

A reminder that you’d always selflessly put them before yourself, even if that meant getting hurt, maimed, loosing a limb or worse yet; your life.

A reminder that they’ll have to get stronger if they wish to prevent you from doing so in the nearby future. Mizu knew that their revenge took presidency over everything else, even their own health, but they don’t want you to ruin yourself beyond recognition for them; It just didn’t feel right to Mizu to have you be the barrier between them and the ill intentions of other people. They were strong enough to deal with it but as it’s been made clear countless times before, you didn’t give two shits about that, and instead focused all your time and effort into showing them that they matter so much to you; Which is an admirable and respectable trait to have in Mizu’s eyes.

However that did little to quell the unease they felt upon witnessing your body drop at their feet in what felt like slow motion, just as the first sighting of blood that began to pool beneath you in such quick succession, that at one point Mizu genuinely thought they were too late to save you, this was proven especially more true when you didn’t awaken within the first couple of days after Mizu had stitched and then later covered your wound; all in due to the amount of blood you had already lost. So the feeling of being able to properly breathe again upon seeing you wake up made the uneasy feeling that little bit more bearable for Mizu.

‘While it’s appreciated to know that I can fully count on you to have my back in the heat of battle, it is not a necessity.’ Mizu states, bring the conversation back to where it was needed most, causing you to frown. ‘I should’ve known better than to think that he would honour me with a fair fight. I should’ve known that he’d play dirty the moment he realised the odds were stacked against him.’ Mizu adds, clenching their fists into the seams of their clothing, jaw clenched and their eyes become an unforgiving steel blue; all signs of their underlying rage toward themself and the cowardly man.

‘You didn’t know and that’s perfectly fine.’ You grunt as you slowly sat yourself up with Mizu’s hands supporting your endeavour whilst being mindful as to not reopen your wound. ‘It’s normal to not foresee things before they happen, otherwise it wouldn’t be considered an authentic human experience.’ You let out a little chuckle, all the while Mizu was left to sit there and narrow their brows at what you could’ve possibly thought was so humorous. ‘And to live an authentic human experience is to accept that you have limitations, especially during the moments where you wished you didn’t have any at all.’ You said as you looked into Mizu’s eyes hoping that your words were somewhat getting through to them.

‘We always question ourselves on how we didn’t see it coming, or how we didn’t see the signs but what we’re not taking into account is that we’re human. Not super powered beings of mythical origins nor gods but just plain old humans. We don’t get the luxuries that they do, however if there’s one thing we can pride ourselves in having, it’s how we take these moments to heart and learn from them going forwards.’ You smiled softly, seeing the sea of emotions within Mizu’s eyes. ‘Another thing we can pride ourselves on is our resilience and our willpower to continue paving the way forward. We get hurt but we always get back up because that’s the indomitable human spirit. That’s what we do.’

‘Where are you getting with this and what does it have to do with me allowing you in getting hurt?’ Mizu asked, curious and a little restless as to what this was all meant to mean. ‘The moral of this for you to not beat yourself up over being human for being human is all we’ll ever know how to be until our final breath.’ You explained, lifting their clenched hand within yours to press a kiss to the back of it, before placing it back onto their lap. ‘Instead of focusing on what has already come to pas, how about bringing your attention to the fact that I’m still here and I’m still breathing. Yeah?’ Mizu stayed quiet for a while, allowing for your words to sit with them as Mizu thought long and hard before finally reaching to a conclusion.

‘Only on the pretences that I get to teach you in the basics of defence.’ Mizu said. ‘As a precaution.’ They add.

‘As long as you don’t go hard on me.’ You chuckled, already visualising it.

Mizu gave you an almost missable smirk. ‘No promises.’

[alphajocklover]

Can we see the Alpha turning a couple of gay betas who used to be boyfriends into pussy obsessed straight bros?

Someone clearly saw my post about Alphas and sexuality. When I talk about Alphas I usually talk about them in general terms, since getting close and personal with an Alpha is practically begging to get turned into their beta. I usually don’t name names or get into specifics. But since you asked…

Meet Alvin and Benny. They’re boyfriends, or at least they were when this photo was taken. They used to be a loving couple. Alvin, the bigger one, loved to travel and dreamed of taking a trip to Paris. He was an outgoing, friendly guy who was always very kind. Benny, the shorter one, was slightly less social, being painfully shy. Still he had a good heart, loved to write, and once you got to know him he was the funniest person you’d ever meet. Alvin and Benny were great together, being an ideal couple. They brought out the best of each other and supported eachother in everything.

And then they met Cal.

Neither of them really remember how Cal came into their lives? Was he their new neighbor? No, that wasn’t right. Was he Alvin’s new coworker? That didn’t ring true either. Maybe he was Benny’s childhood friend who had come out of the woodwork? Whoever he was, he quickly integrated into their lives. It started off with small things, like skipping drag brunch with their other gay friends to hang out with Cal, or eating a salad instead of a donut because Cal suggested they try to eat healthier. But things escalated quickly, as they usually do with Alphas. Soon Al and Ben, as they now liked to be called, were working out like crazy because they wanted to keep up with Cal. They started talking differently, using words like bro and dude almost constantly, because Cal talked like that, and they were Cal’s bros. They quickly started to forget they were ever anything but Cal’s bros, his betas. Still, through it all, they stayed a couple. It was… weird. Cal was kind of impressed honestly. Usually by the time someone became a beta they lost all interest in relationships with anyone but their Alpha. But these two… they had hung onto it, despite everything. It was impressive… and it pissed Cal off. He didn’t mind that they were gay, but he fucking hated that they were still resisting him. He was their fucking Alpha, and they were his Betas. He should have complete control over them. But he was confident in his powers, like all Alphas are.

So he made a game of it.

He decided to see how far he could push them, how many changes they could handle while still being a gay couple. It wasn’t hard to increase their libidos, nor was it hard to give them an intense urge to fuck pussy. It took 3 months for the changes to finalize, and Cal found it hilarious to watch the two former fags slowly transform, how they’d insist they were gay while also bragging to eachother and Cal about all the pussy they were getting. How they were still convinced they were boyfriends when the closest they’d get to being intimate now is when they’d spit roast a bimbo together on their cocks. In the end there never was never an exact moment where they went from gay to straight. Overtime they just slowly forgot that that was what they used to be. They didn’t think about it anymore. Their relationship with their Alpha was far more important than their relationship with each other after all. And if their Alpha wanted two pussy obsessed straight douchebags, that was what he’d get.

Maybe Cal would let them be a couple again one day. Or maybe he’d make them both into his personal cock suckers. But for now Cal was happy to watch the former fags act like a couple of straight bros. All for him.

**Another Gay to Straight story, this time taking place is my ‘Alpha with a Capital A’ world. I love it when people ask me to expand on the stuff I’ve made, and I had fun writing this. Hope you liked it! If anyone ever wants to see me expand more on anything I’ve written before, just ask!**

[wosoamazing]

Brunch w/ Steph & Beth

Part 2 - Fire on Fire Series

From Beth: Good Morning, I know this is late notice and you might be socialised out from last night and probably have things to unpack but we were wondering if you wanted to have brunch with us this morning. I think Steph might join us too if that is okay.

To Beth: Good Morning, that would be nice, could you maybe just come to mine again if that is okay. There are some tradies coming over this morning and so I have to be here from when they get here where I don't know when that will be. I'm up and ready now so any time would work, I could cook something for you all.

From Beth: Oh no, don't be silly, Steph will pick something up from one of the local bakeries on her way over to ours. And then we will come to yours. Any dietary requirements?

To Beth: No, all good and thank you. See you soon.

You looked at the plans your aunts had lying out on the tablet for the workers when they got here, they were turning the theatre room into a home gym/entertainment space, your Moster claiming they decided they needed to be healthier but you knew it way there way of trying to make their home more inviting for you now you were older and keeping you there.

From Beth: Hi again, Steph just arrived, Viv has gone out and so I was just wondering if I could bring Myle our puppy with us, but I understand if it's not okay just thought to ask.

To Beth: Um.. normally I would say yes but I don't exactly know if Myle could come over if the workers will be here. I'm so sorry.

From Beth: No problem at all, we are just about to head to yours now.

You were still going through the look book, viewing all the products your Aunts were putting in both rooms when the doorbell rang, you swiftly moved towards it. You were surprised when you saw Steph and Beth standing in front of the now open door, you thought it would be the builders, they had only just left Beth's house "How are you already here?" "We actually live two streets over so it isn't far at all," you gestured for the two Women to come in.

"Um, we can sit on the couch or the table, I'll just clean all this up," "knock, knock, knock," you heard a man say from the door, turning around to see the builders.

"Oh, um just one second sorry girls, I just need to show them some things," they both nodded saying something along the lines of don't worry, and you quickly showed the builders the theatre and the plans and look book. They had already been given an in depth brief from your Aunt's so it didn't take long.

"I'm so sorry, they are just here to do some work," "Oh no it's totally fine don't worry," The women said as they followed you into the living room.

"I do have a question though," Steph said as you were grabbing some plates, "mmm" "How did you manage to get a place like this?"

"Oh, this isn't mine, it's my Aunt's, they are away for like the next 2 months in Paris, my Aunt is from there." Steph nodded as Beth was looking around at some pictures.

"Is this you or..." She said as she looked at a photo from one of your school events, "yeah it's me, they are all of me," you replied.

"Wow, that's insane, I think there are more photos of you in their house than the amount of photos my parents have of my brother and I in our home. Did you see them a lot?" She asked, meaning no harm, you knew the question would come eventually, you just didn't think it would be so soon.

"Um, yeah, I guess you could put it that way, this is technically my childhood home. When I moved out of my parents home I moved into this home with my Aunts, but we were only here for around 6 months before we moved to Australia. So technically the home we have in Melbourne is my childhood home but as this was well I guess is, the main home all the photos and trophies and everything else got moved into this house,"

"Oh, why did you move out of your parents home? Sorry that sounded a bit insensitive, you don't have to answer," "Oh no, it's okay I don't mind, I-" you were interrupted by another person at the door, they handed you a massive bouquet of flowers and as you brought them into the house and set them on the coffee room table, both girls looked at them.

"Wow, secret admirer, Leah is going all out," Beth cheeked as you looked at the gift tag, letting out a knowing sigh as you read the names.

"Of course, giving me somewhere to stay and building me a gym with some entertainment stuff too isn't enough," you lean back on the couch, before looking over to Beth.

"Wait, what did you say that about Leah? Do you think she likes me?" You asked curiously.

"By the way she looked at you when you walked into the locker room, I would say she has a crush on you" she said quite seriously, you let out a small 'oh' and both of them looked at each other, before continuing on with the conversation, changing topics.

[phefics]

okay okay—I know you asked for other fandoms not to long ago, and it’s completely fine if you don’t want to do this, I understand. But what if you did THG Boys x Chubby!reader? Maybe not smut, but you choose! I’m okay with anything. And it’s okay if you skip over this, like I said, I understand🫶

i hope i did this justice ahh i’m sorry in advance if it wasn’t what you were looking for!! ty for the request💓

before i get into the headcanons i think that being chubby is seen as a good thing in the districts and possibly the capitol as well, sort of how like in medieval times it was seen as a sign of wealth to be bigger. the capitol people do canonically engage in disordered eating habits but they claim its just to be able to eat more, not necessarily to stay thin, so i do think canon context would mean that the characters would be less likely to judge a chubby person negatively for their size.

peeta loves your body and makes sure you know it. he always wants to grab and kiss at your thighs and belly, and because he’s so strong, he likes to make a show of picking you up if you say you’re too heavy for him to do so.

gale is honestly a little jealous of your body, having never had much of a change to build up muscle while experiencing all the food shortages in district 12. he sees your size as something that makes you healthier and wealthier than him (even if you still come from a poor district) so while it doesn’t make him any more/less physically attracted to you, there is a little bit of bias there i think.

finnick thinks you are absolutely gorgeous. he loves your curves and is always reminding you how absolutely beautiful you are. district four is a place where people manage to get food easier than other districts and so a lot of the people back home are built like you, and he isn’t exactly scrawny either.

coriolanus is a bit like gale, having being hungry beyond belief many times in his life, so he would view your body as a reminder of what he doesn’t have. he gets over that way quicker than gale, though, because unlike gale, the bias is short-lived and quickly replaced by physical attraction.

sejanus loves to hype you up, buying you fancy clothes that you feel comfortable and confident in, and he is huge on worshipping your body from head to toe, murmuring praises and compliments into your skin.

[freshxsturniolo]

This might be a mouth full but can you do one where Matt o(or Chris)and y/n are in a relationship but they had some time apart and in that time Matt (or Chris) saw someone else and they go to mutuals party she’s there but y/n has no idea they hooked up and when she pieces it together she gets upset that he never told her and etc.

HEY BABY this was so fun to write. i hope this is okay <3 (i did matt hehe)

your relationship with matt in the first year had been far from perfect. you were the absolute definition of right person, wrong time. his YouTube career was at its peak, subscribers climbing higher and higher each week, and it was difficult for you both to juggle such a change to his life, plus your own life with your own commits, and your relationship.

when you both came to the decision to take a break for a while, your heart had broke. you had both cried and spent the day in his room, cuddled together on his bed watching your favourite tv shows, promising to always love each other no matter what happened.

you spent 6 months watching him rise and rise, whilst your own career took off better than ever. you were heartbroken but you had hope. you had faith that together one day you would be together again. you had said it was nothing more than a break, knowing your love for each other would bond together again one day. but over the course of those months you both become so busy, it had almost seemed unlikely. you had somehow learned to live a life without matt sturniolo, watching from the shadows of his life.

texts become the odd instagram dm, before becoming nothing more than the odd instagram like. but you were happy. you could tell he was living his life, he looked happier and healthier than had ever done before and that was enough for you.

"we love each other no matter what happens, okay?" his words to you that final night 6 months prior. and you did.

but when you woke up one january morning to a missed call, your heart had been in your throat. it had come early, around 6am, but in your deep slumber you hadn't heard it. there was no follow up. there was no text afterwards. you even checked on instagram and there had been no DM. you had almost convinced yourself it was accidental, but there was something in your heart pulling you to him.

so you called, and he answered on the first ring. you grabbed coffee together an hour later, and that night, you were back at his house, watching movies with him and his two brothers like nothing had ever happened.

"i never stopped loving you, you know" he had said, and you had smiled as you finally leant in to kiss his soft lips.

"me either, matt. we said we never would."

he smiled. "i know"

and suddenly, everything worked out. the time apart had been perfect, you couldn't deny it. as heartbroken as you had been at the time. you had learned to live without him but the minute you was in his presence again, you knew you never actually wanted to live without him.

and matt felt the same. he knew that the lack of contact was his own fault. he had been the one to stop replying to your texts, the one to stop replying to your instagram stories, but he had never stopped thinking about you. his brothers had told him he was stupid, but he knew he wasn't. the 6 months break was needed. and when he woke up that one january morning, and he woke up and did his daily scan of your social media outlets, he knew it was time. he knew he needed you back in his life.

to now, 5 months later, watching you apply the last touch of your make up in the mirror of his bathroom whilst he came out of his bedroom, looking at you with a smile.

"you ready?" he asked, and you looked at him through the mirror.

"beyond ready, i need a drink" you said, walking over to him and wrapping your arms around his neck. his arms snaked around your lower back and he leant in to give you a soft kiss.

"you two are too lovey dovey for me" you heard chris remark from the kitchen, and you had rolled your eyes with a laugh, pulling away.

"try talking to a girl for more than one second" matt had said, and you turned around to slap his arm. these boys could be so cruel to each other, but you knew it was all in love.

"come on, we're already late" nick had said from somewhere you couldn't see until you heard his feet down the stairs, chris following not far behind.

and an hour later, you where leant against the kitchen in your friends new house, chatting to a few of your girlfriends. you were celebrating her new career move and her new house and you were beaming with pride at how all of your lives were working out. your friends were happy, you were happy, your boyfriend was happy. life couldn't have worked out better.

"so," your friend said, coming to the side of you. "you and matt are okay, right?"

you smiled at her, swallowing down your drink.

"better than ever. the break really did us good" you said, and she smiled.

"im so glad."

and as if right on queue, he appeared.

"hey, babe" he said, walking over and planting a kiss on your lips.

"hey, baby" you smiled in return.

he moved to the side of you, reaching around to grab a fresh drink.

"you having fun?" he asked, but you didn't get chance to reply before his name was squealed from somewhere across the room. both of your heads snapped around, and it didn't take more than a second to see the beaming smile of some girl you'd never seen. you knew your friend had a whole group of friends you didn't know, you'd been passing polite hellos across the last hour, but this girl you had never seen before.

"oh, fuck." you heard matt utter under his breath, and your head snapped away from the gorgeous girl walking towards you and towards your boyfriend. you noticed the way his face had turned weary.

"who's that?" you whispered, and he looked at you for a millisecond before the girl was in front of you.

she was taller than you, her hair placed in a blonde bun on top of her head, and she was gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous. you didn't even notice you'd straightened your position and pouted your lips slightly.

her arms immediately went around matts neck, and you stood at the side of him as you watched him wrap his arms loosely around her back.

"hey" he muttered as they pulled away.

"i haven't seen you in so long" she beamed up at him, before her eyes finally diverted in your direction. "oh, hey!" she said, and you smiled.

"this is y/n" he said, and you saw from the corner of your eye that he was looking at you as he said it. but you kept your eyes on this stunning blonde, watching as her eyes widen slightly. and then she lunges forward to hug you, her perfume strong against your nose.

"i've heard so much about you!" she exclaims. you can't help but hug her back.

"you have?" you say with a laugh, your eyes finally meeting matts against the hug. when she pulls away, you notice the way his eyes go straight to her.

"so much! so," she says, taking a step back. "you guys are back together?"

"yeah" matt answers immediately, his hand finding yours.

"ah, im happy for you both!" she beams. "that explains the quietness, matt" she laughs, and your heart stops.

you look down at matts hand in yours, the sudden need to be close to you, and her words, and suddenly you feel sick.

the blonde reaches behind matt to the row of drinks behind you, and when her eyes are diverted else where you give matt a look, he smiles. but it doesn't reach his eyes like it normally does. when she finally pulls back, drink in hand, she looks between you both awkwardly. matt still hasn’t responded to her previous remark.

you put on a smile before pulling your hand away from matt.

“well, i’ll leave you both to catch up” you say, diverting your eyes to the girl who you hadn’t even asked her name, before you turn on your heel.

“babe” he starts, but you turn around quickly.

“matt,” you say. and he knows. he knows not to follow you.

you look back to the girl. “lovely to meet you”

“you too” she says, but you’ve walked away before you even see her face.

you can’t be upset. you can’t. but god it was so fucking obvious. her excited squeal, the look on her face when he said your name, it was so fucking obvious and you can’t help the tears that have brimmed in your eyes.

but you’re startled by a familiar face walking around the corner, slamming yourself against his chest.

“woooo easy tiger” chris says, and you look up at him as the first tear falls. “oh, fuck. what’s happened?”

but his eyes divert behind you and you see the way his eyes widen. it’s all the confirmation you need.

“did he sleep with her?” you ask, taking a deep breath. you could not cry on your boyfriends brothers shoulder.

“it’s not my place-“

you laugh. “so yes”

“it was only a handful of times”

“a HANDFUL?” you shout, and chris’ eyes widen as he pulls you backwards, out of the view of the kitchen and into the hallway he’d just emerged from. “a fucking handful, chris?”

“i’m not sure, alright? you should speak to matt about it”

you knew he was right. you were putting him on the spot and that wasn’t fair.

“can i chill with you, for a minute?” you ask, the anger surging through you almost unbearable.

“yes, come on” he says, and he takes your wrists and drags you in the direction of some of his friends.

they shout your name when they see you, and you put on a brave face, but the atmosphere is ruined. it’s not that you could even be mad. jesus, you weren’t together. but it was the not knowing. it was the fact he hadn’t told you. you had spent months learning to live a life without him and he’d spent it buried up in some other girl.

“he loves you, you know” chris said randomly an hour later. you’d been glued it his side the entire time, and listening to him yap to his friends had kept you from spiralling. the blonde and matt had not entered your line of sight once.

you look up at him with a smile. “i know” you whisper, and he gives you a one arm hug, pulling you into his side. “go and talk to him, please.”

and you knew you had to. because you weren’t having fun, and you needed to hear it from him.

so you stand up, leaving chris to his friends and make your way into the kitchen. your eyes scan but matts no where to be seen, and you let out a sigh as you head towards to garden. it’s louder out here, people are so clearly drunk and there’s more and more people you don’t recognise now, but you hear a familiar laugh from the right side of you and you turn to see nick, and just to his side is matt, picking off the label of his drink. but it only takes him a few seconds before his eyes are on yours, his back straightening immediately before his drink is placed on the table and he stands, heading straight towards you. you can feel the tears forming immediately.

“where have you been?” he asks when he reaches you, his voice mellow.

“with chris” you admit, but you can’t stop the crack in your voice.

“baby-“

“why didn’t you tell me, matt?”

“i’m so - i’m sorry. it didn’t seem relevant”

you scoff. “of course it’s relevant, matt. of course it is”

“it was nothing. i promise it was nothing. i missed you every single day, alright? every single fucking second. but you were thriving, babe. i saw it all over your instagram, you were thriving and it would have been selfish of me to ask you back so soon”

you sigh, looking up at the sky. the sun was still bright but it was nearing evening time.

“how long after we ended it?” you ask. you needed to know.

“3 months” he admits.

“and how long for?” you ask. you shouldn’t care. it doesn’t matter. “actually, don’t answer that. i don’t need to know”

matt smiles slightly. “i should have told you. i’m sorry. i just didn’t want to lose you before i’d even got you back” he says, and your heart swells.

“we promised to love each other always, matt.”

“i know, baby. and i do. so much.” he grabs your face in between his hands now, and you can’t help but let out a smile.

“i’m sorry” you whisper, and his face screws in confusion.

“for getting mad. what you did in those 6 months shouldn’t matter. but-“

“it’s okay” he cuts you off. “it’s totally okay. i should have told you.”

and then he kisses you, softly, like he doesn’t know what your reaction will be, but you lean in to kiss him back.

“can we go home?” you ask, suddenly feeling drained and out of social battery.

“i was about to ask you the same thing.”

and so he drove you both home, his hand on your thigh the entire time as he drove, a comfortable silence washing over you. but when you pull up, you need to ask him one more thing before you get let the situation drop.

“matt” you start, and he turns to you. “you said it would have been selfish to ask me back so soon.”

his eyes look over you, but you continue. “is that why you stopped contact? so that you wouldn’t?”

he sighs, twisting his position to look out the front of his car. and he thinks for a while. i can see him trying to figure out what to say. and then he turns to look at you again.

“yes. it was so hard for me. chris and nick kept telling me i was stupid, that you loved me and that you would have supported me no matter what we went through. but i knew that the break would have made us stronger. and then i saw you thriving y/n, you were telling me all these amazing things and i just couldn’t. we needed time apart, to focus on other things. and i don’t know why i started hooking up with her, maybe to fill a void? life was hard without you.”

you nod, you understand. “i would have come straight back.” you say, and he smiles.

“i know. and that’s why i couldn’t.”

you sit in silence for a while, thinking about him. the life you had before. but also the life you had now. and it had worked. he was yours. no one else’s.

“i understand. i really do. im so proud of you”

“for what?”

“everything, matt. you say you saw me thriving but every single day, i saw you. and chris and nick. and maybe im selfish that i would have come back so quickly, but im proud of you, okay? so fucking proud.”

and his lips are on yours immediately, pushing you against the car window, and you can’t help but giggle into him.

“i should be grateful, i suppose” you mutter against his lips, and he pulls away to look at you with a questioning glare. you shrug. “cause now i know no other chick can fill your void.”

“oh shut up” he mumbles, but you’re both laughing as he kisses you again.

[xf-cases-solved]

i am aware that this is likely not a new take at all, and i'm not like, claiming it as mine, but i never had the chance to have this opinion (or hear other ppl have this opinion) on a public forum before, so i just want to take this opportunity to say to another person, possibly for the first time with the exception of mb my mother, who is no longer here to agree with me, that "existence" came out when i was 8 years old, i watched it live, and literally the day i watched it i remember thinking to myself "why did they have a boy named william? they should have had a girl named samantha. OF COURSE they should have had a girl named samantha," like it felt so obvious to me

and tho i couldn't rly articulate it this clearly at the time, my little muddy 8 year old thought process was that the entire story of the xfiles starts with samantha, right? mulder has his beliefs bc samantha was taken; he says so in the very first episode. the whole reason he even thinks aliens are real to begin with is bc of samantha. the person he spent his whole life searching for was samantha. he MET SCULLY bc of samantha. samantha is the thread that ties the whole story together, so then how beautiful--how narratively perfect--would it have been to tie THEIR story--their love story (bc xfiles is, at the end of the day, a love story, fight me) up with a bow, where the beginning starts with samantha getting lost, and then ends with samantha there in their arms, finally found, just in a different iteration. (instead of naming the baby after mulder's dad who he doesn't even like? or scully's dad. or scully's brother. or mulder's middle name, which is after his father ik, but still, why are there so many fucking williams??)

like, imagine it. rly sit there and take a moment to imagine how the end scene in "existence" would have gone if mulder had said, "what are you going to name her," and scully had said, "samantha"

not only does it get the "ding ding ding, you're the dad!" point across, but how fucking Touched would mulder have been to have the woman he loves--the PERSON he loves--more than anything on earth honor the sister who took up so much of his soul for so long? who always will take up part of his soul, just in a healthier way. it would be scully saying, "we know she's gone from this world now, but she's not gone from our hearts" emphasis on OUR hearts, bc mulder's pain is scully's pain; mulder's quests are scully's quests. she never met her sister-in-law (they're married, fight me), and will never have the chance, but by naming their child after her, she would be saying, "i love her anyway. i love her because you love her, and because anyone you love deserves my love as well, bc we are intertwined at our core. our fundamental values, our suffering, our joy, it is felt in us both concurrently, bc i am your person, and you are mine, and together we made a whole other person who is a literal representation of our combined selves, and we are going to call her SAMANTHA, bc that little girl you watched get stolen from you however many decades ago has been the pillar that has kept us going as a team for the last eight years"

or maybe it would have been even simpler than that. maybe she would just be saying, "your sister is IMPORTANT, mulder, even in death, and her memory isn't held only by you. it is unrelenting, and preserved forever in our child"

i wanted that scene. i wanted to feel the heaviness of mulder's grief mixed with his elation and gratitude and love. i appreciate william for who he was in the scheme of things, but that moment in the bedroom, with their baby between them, shouldn't have been lessened for me bc they chose a name that made me pause and go "his dad was named william? oh yeah! forgot about that guy, it's been a few YEARS since we saw much of him, and what we did see of him wasn't like... awesome. but sure, name your baby that ig, if you must"

that scene should have hit so much harder, and if that baby had been a samantha? it could have hit like nothing ever has, and for all the mishaps that show took after that (and there were MANY), i think the thing i will always have the most resentment for is the fact that i felt robbed of something that would have meant so much to me as a viewer who had followed their journey from the start (or, well, almost start. i was born the year it came out, so i didn't start watching until 1998, when my brain came online, but i'd seen the past stuff at least)

anyway! that's all to say, 8 year old me was salty as hell about that, and ykno what? she was RIGHT and should have been able to say it. but, again, 2001, 8 years old, not old enough to participate in fandom, so that thought has just festered and rotted away in my brain like a piece of old, putrid meat. but! finally i can give my 8 year old self some catharsis by letting her bitch and bitch and bitch to her heart's content about how "existence" should have been the series finale, and how that baby should have been a girl named samantha, and how i climbed onto that hill 23 years ago, and how i will die there with my heels dug down deep

ty, internet, for coming to my extremely overdue tedtalk. somewhere in the past there is a small child (who definitely shouldn't have been allowed to watch xfiles as young as she did, but what can you do?) finally has a weight off of her chest. it's just a tv show, and in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter, but also, it's a tv show that i grew up with in my formative and unfortunately very traumatic years, and it genuinely feels like a loved one who has always been there to comfort me, and so yeah, it doesn't "matter," but the truth is, it Matters so incredibly much

that's all

-diz

[balkanradfem]

So, I've been reading 'Seeds of Hope' by Jane Goodall, because I am curious to what other people are saying about plants, and this book truly delivered. I've been introduced to some past plant drama in the world and that was incredible lore that should have been taught in history.

Apparently, when people first discovered tulips, they were so intensely valuable and popular, that people would trade huge amounts of money, diamonds, or even acres of land, for just one bulb. People were pre-paying for bulbs that didn't even exist yet, they would pre-order bulbs that are not yet even made. One servant ate a bulb thinking it was an onion and he got jail time for it. And I mean they're all correct, tulips just are that good.

There was also a lot of, much sadder drama about orchids; I didn't know this, but they originally grow very high up in the trees, and people were competing for discovering new and rare species. These rare and exotic species would then be displayed in rich people's gardens. Because they became so valuable, poachers would go trough the forests and take almost all of the orchids in there, making them near extinct in nature. This was resolved by orchid gardeners carefully growing them, multiplying and sharing to the point where they were sold commercially, which lessened their value on the black market, so there was no need to pillage them from the forests anymore. Growing rare plants is protection of them!

The book goes on to talk about botanic gardens, herbariums, and the value of collecting and archiving plant material, which is then showing us the effects of climate change, and stores valuable information about what is happening to the plants. It made me want to start a herbarium for sure, I'm always stressed about the loss of local plants, and it's happening more and more as green areas are cleared out.

The book touches upon plants that people have found harmful, such as plants that people make drugs out of; she clears it out to us that these plants are sacred to the native people who grew up with them, and creating drugs from them is in fact, abuse of these plants, and offensive to the communities who hold them sacred, and use them in appropriate doses as medicine. The book talks a lot about plant medicine! Apparently the pharmacy companies have been learning the knowledge about medicinal plants from native people who knew how to use plant medicine, and then the pharmacy would make medicine from those same plants, and profit off of it, without giving any credit or profit to the communities they got this knowledge from, which is not great. But then the demand for this medicine would go so high, they would go and gather all, or almost all medicinal plants from the areas where native people lived, devastating their medical supplies and natural habitats. Book goes on to question the ethics of acquiring medicine in this way, and never informing people where it came from, or what was sacrifices in order for the world to have it.

Similar things happened with valuable crops that are grown in native areas; once the demand for these crops grew, big monocrop fields were established, damaging the land and the local ecosystem, killing millions of animals who lived there, and sometimes forcing people or children into modern slavery, in order to grow them. Coffee, cocoa beans, vanilla beans, palm oil; they've been described as specifically devastating for the communities and the environment. But the book doesn't condemn these foods at all, instead the author goes on to describe, what has been done to improve this. Instead of monocrops, which are devastating for the environment, people are now taught to grow fruit trees in the same fields as coffee, which makes the coffee plants healthier and stronger, and creates and environment where some plants and animals can thrive. I personally don't believe you should have only 2 or 3 plants in a big area, I think you need about 3 millions, but it's a progress from monocrops.

The author describes finding and helping the local farmers who found ways to healthy, natural and non-damaging growing of these plants, and she helped them sell it! She also encourages buying organic food because it helps if the demand for non-monocrop food is growing.

Now there's a section of the book standing strongly against GMO foods, and for some reason I never heard any arguments against gmo, I didn't understand much about the harm coming from them, so I was very curious to hear this. The author explained how 47 million dollars was spent just for lobbying for GMO, which explains why all my information on gmo was positive, and I remember hearing it was 'the best way to reduce world hunger', but the world hunger is still a problem, so it obviously did not succeed. But now I have a better understanding of what it is.

GMO foods were specifically developed to have pesticides inside of them, so they'd be poisonous to pests, but not to people eating them. The research on whether they're poisonous to animals showed that the animals who ate them long term, had their inner organs irritated, enlarged, stomach infections, and had higher risk of cancer. So it was not proven to be safe, but it ended up in the stores anyway; the author says that about 70% of food in american supermarkets has unlabelled gmo, which is scary to think about. She also explains that this is the reason so many people in america are now trying to grow food at home, they don't want to be poisoned by pesticides.

GMO foods were specifically designed to support monocrops, and to protect them pests; this worked out in creating more and more bugs that are resistant to the pesticides, and farmers have reported the appearance of 'superbugs', which are resistant to any kind of pesticide. There's now also 'superweeds', which are resistant to herbicide. The industry is trying to develop new pesticides and new herbicides, in order to counter these new problems, but it is obvious that they're only sinking deeper and deeper; monocrops are unsustainable. Poisoning the earth and the plants, and even the seeds, is not going to lead to the end of world hunger. Farmers are often ending up losing their entire farms due to new bugs that are now thriving because all of their competition has been eliminated by pesticides, they're now the only bug and they can eat up the entire crop easily.

The other problem of GMO crops is that they're spreading their seeds and mixing with the natural crops, making them into GMO crops as well. According to the author the canola crops has already been lost, now all canola existing is genetically modified.

I'm dissatisfied with this knowledge, but it's better to know and be aware rather than to be in the dark. The author suggests designing living spaces that have gardens in them, and encouraging local community to garden, as well as planting city gardens, where food would grow for everyone. She goes on to describe the efforts of universities and cities who already had built their own living gardens in order to support the community, and how it worked to create a more beautiful, life-sustaining, happier place. She even explained how having local gardens makes the crime rate lower.

I loved this book, it had the environment awareness that can only be compared to Greta Thunberg's book, it described trees and plants so lovingly, and the connection people have with them. It showed me there's so many people fighting to save the forests and grasslands and native plants, and it's an effort that will make a big difference to how we get to live on this planet in the future.

[thethiefandtheairbender]

I think it's really hard to go back to a lot of fanon or even canon ships in fandom spaces in a lot of ways after watching Infinity Train and how it handles relationship conflict, tbh.

The first is that they let characters have real issues with each other — actually unhealthy / toxic individual traits and subsequently unhealthy patterns with each other — even when those characters don't know anything is wrong! They think they're fine, fun, healthy, as a dynamic and as a person, the way most people do. And we see either the characters grow and change to have healthier relationships (Ryan and Min-Gi, Lake and Jesse) or spiral into worse versions of themselves until the point the relationship deteriorates (Grace and Simon).

The second thing is that in letting the characters be wrong, the show lets both characters, every time, be wrong. And how these characters are wrong are rarely on purpose! Grace doesn't mean to be controlling, Simon doesn't mean to be so dependent on her. He feels ultra betrayed when she finds out he lied (because she thought he'd murder a child if she didn't, and honestly she was 100% right) and her wanting to protect said child also doesn't automatically make how Grace handled Simon's responses 1) perfect, 2) well communicated, or 3) make her automatically a 'Good' person.

It would be so easy for Infinity Train to just go "one half has all the problems, the other just has to help them through it". That's what a lot of shippers and shipping can boil down to.

And that exact mindset is what's 'setup' multiple times as Lake thinks all she has to do is help Jesse as a passenger, not realizing that her being domineering and Jesse listening to her pretty constantly at first is because of her own issues with identity and agency and is precisely what got him onto the Train in the first place. Or with Ryan and Min-Gi, where the second Min-Gi thinks it's just Ryan's impatience and impulsivity and that he's better / 'more mature' that their progress entirely halts. Grace tries to reason with Simon repeatedly, but he's such a die hard believer in the cult they mutually formed that he refuses to listen to anything else, and lashes out when she stops acting the way he believes she should (ie. ways that keep her tied to him and their dynamic).

Because it takes two people for communication to live and die, it takes two people for patterns to form.

I feel like Infinity Train really opens up into why certain character relationships where a show tries to paint both of them as being in the wrong (*coughs* C*tradora) despite it very much being 99% all on one person's issues can feel so uneven, lacklustre, or underdeveloped bc they just weren't willing to lean in and commit to a Both Sides relationship arc, or the urge to have characters and their relationships be deeply sanitized to the point where the only conflict they have is because of external conflicts and issues that are 'wrapped up' in 1-2 episodes at all times.

Infinity Train goes "no one is meaning to be malicious most of the time, people are just messy and even someone you love deeply or have known all your life can be people you fall into unhealthy patterns with, and it's on both of you to work to get to a better place" and it's like yeah, because that's how real life works 90% of the time. It's refreshing to say the least

[lilyginnyblackv2]

It’s Valentine’s Day, so I want to talk about Rei:

In the trailer for Rei that was released before the series aired, he was described as: 愛を知らない男 or “A man who doesn’t know love.” It should be noted that “love” here is referring to 愛 (ai), which is a love that can be used for both family and lovers, 恋 (koi) is the term that refers more specifically to romantic love.

This, of course, makes sense with what we know about Rei’s past and childhood. He grew up in a loveless family, where his father wanted him to call him “boss.” 

As the series progresses, we see Rei learning love and what a family actually means through things associated with childhood and family:

Learning to ride on a seesaw.

Hearing what Miri thinks a father should be.

Going to the zoo for the first time.

etc.

Why am I bringing all this up? Well, usually, when it comes to a character that “doesn’t know love,” the narrative is to “fix them.” I know I recently just posted a meme about Kazuki basically seeing Rei’s living conditions and going, “I can fix that,” and I do think that that is how Kazuki initially approached the idea of helping Rei. Fixing him up all these fancy meals and such. But, over time, we’ve seen Kazuki learn to work with Rei, in way that allows Rei to slowly improve himself, without necessarily “fixing” or “changing” him. And the focus there also seems to mostly be on Rei’s “self-care” and general household chores stuff, rather than anything centered on his personalities or expression of feelings and emotions. 

The addition of Miri has also helped, generally speaking, in this regard as well.

I think a clear example of this is how Rei is a gamer. He is a gamer in Episode 1 and he continues to be a gamer in Episodes 5 and 6. But let’s take a look at his gaming space (and games he was playing) in Episodes 1 and 2 versus Episodes 5 and 6.

Here I am going to put the rest of this post under a Read More due to length and pictures (it ended up way longer than I had initially planned...^ ^;> )

In Episode 1:

We see the table in front of Rei is an unhealthy mess. A whole ash tray full of smoked cigs, opened chips, two unfinished bottles of coke, and two convenience store lunches.

The game? I don’t know what it is, but it looks strategy and fighting based. Continuing with this...

In Episode 2 we can see some of his actual games:

I can’t really make any of them out all too well, but one is called “Attack” and the red one on the right looks like it is called “Under Ground.” Along with that, the general color scheme and look of these games is definitely in the “grimdark” range. All of these games look and sound like they are based in violence and are likely single player experiences (since Rei doesn’t seem like the type that would do multiplayer or online based games, imo).

There is nothing wrong with these games, of course, but they further highlight how Rei has no experience with family and skills that reach beyond his assassin based ones. These aren’t games a kid should be playing either, really (I definitely played Mortal Kombat when I was younger, I turned out okay...but I really should not have been playing that game franchise when I was a kid).

Now let’s jump to Episode 5:

Rei is playing a game with Miri. He isn’t playing solo anymore, and by the sounds of it, it sounds like Morio Kart, a family game, a kids game, a game that is meant to be played with others.

In Episode 6:

We get a clear shot of the table. It’s clean and there is no junk food or cigs in sight. Now, is that cleanliness likely due to Kazuki cleaning? Probably, but it is also likely due to Rei eating healthier now that Miri is here, which is still connected to Kazuki, but Rei could still try and sneak junk food or something, but it doesn’t seem like he even tries that. And while Kazuki is the one that points out Rei can’t smoke around Miri, we see Rei actually sticking to this. He willingly chooses to stick to that.

More telling than even that though, is the fact that in Episode 2, when Miri asks if Rei has Morio Kart he tells her no, but we now see in Episode 6 that he has bought Morio Kart:

Kazuki doesn’t really seem to know much of anything about video games. That’s all Rei. So Rei was likely the one who either purchased the game for Miri or, more likely imo, Miri asked for it and Rei got it.

We know from Miri’s conversation with Taiga that Rei is very good and skilled at the game. And we can see that happen within the scene where he is playing the game while Kazuki tries to talk to Miri about what happened at school. He goes from 4th Place to 2nd Place very quickly and easily.

Though, it’s when he gets to 2nd Place that he spins out. This is timed right when Kazuki angrily tells Rei to “Stay out of it!”

We see an example here of family causing a break in concentration, which causes him to falter in his gameplay a bit. But then he just goes right back to playing. Knowing, from Episode 5, that he has been playing the game with Miri as well, makes me think that it Rei has gotten used to this sort of interruption-based experience by now. 

But, the thing that is so great about seeing Rei play Morio Kart is it shows Rei using his gaming skills (and likely in turn the assassin based skills he learned) in a fun, competitive way, that doesn’t involve more realistic and hardcore violence (or actual violence). It’s him using these skills purely for fun and him strategizing in a family friendly way. Similar to how we see him and Kazuki use their hitmen skills to make sure Miri and her friends stay safe later on in the episode, but without killing anyone (just throwing rocks and beating people up in mascot costumes, lol). 

But, bringing this all back around to why I wanted to discuss Rei specifically on Valentine’s Day. Usually when a character is stated as “not understanding love,” “not feeling love,” or “not knowing love,” the narrative then goes on to “fix” the character by having them fall (romantically) in love with someone or get caught up in a love triangle or something of that nature.

Buddy Daddies isn’t doing this though. Kazuki wants to help out Rei, but not necessarily on an emotional level. In fact, he even stated in Episode 3 that Rei didn’t have to share about his past:

Kazuki wants to help out Rei and see him improve on, like, a basic care level. And the series does a good job of showing how all of the emotional growth Rei has been making is something he is actively engaging with on his own level and terms, and through his own low-energy pace. And that’s fine! 

The series also makes the source of Rei’s growth familial love, rather than romantic based love. His bond with Miri is just as, if not even more, important than his bond with Kazuki. As someone who is aromantic and asexual - I appreciate that so much. It’s highlighting that Rei’s improvement in character is more so because he is putting more effort into things, getting out of the house more, and learning how to socialize and build emotional connections in general - not just “learn” how to romantically love someone like that is the end all, be all aspect of being human.

Now, this is an anime original series, so who knows what direction Kazuki and Rei’s relationship might take in the future. But, personally, I feel like, even if romance were to develop, it wouldn’t feel like the usual aphobic narrative of “ ‘learning’ to fall (romantically) in love will fix this person who doesn’t experience, know, or understand love and romance and will turn them from the robot-like thing they were into an actual person” BS. Because Buddy Daddies has already established the familial, community, and general well being aspects being the core parts of Rei’s character that needs improving. As well that it is by-and-large his familial bond with Miri that is the springboard for most of his growth and development, anything with Kazuki is just another layer to his already growing familial based love.

Any romantic feelings would just be coming from that growth and experience, and Rei wouldn’t need to completely change who he is in order to achieve that. It would be saying that having a family that you feel wanted and apart of is what matters the most, and that is something anyone can have and experience, whether you know love, understand love, or experience romantic attraction or not. 

So, yeah, I just hope Buddy Daddies keeps doing what it has been doing. And that future episodes won’t completely unravel this current reading I have of Rei, his bonds, and how he’ll continue to grow and evolve as a character. I have trust in the Buddy Daddy writing though, so I’m not too worried. <3

[blossoms-phan]

I have been watching old videos in tour preparation and was staggered by how much happier and healthier Dan and Phil both look now. You can see how suffocated by the whole thing they were back for a period pre hiatus. Those years where the enjoyment and fun had gone is a tough watch.

I dipped out for a while and missed this period, and so looking back now you literally see the lights dim in Dan's eyes over a year or so, and how fed up of forcing an act he was.

The absolute chaos and fun and joy that has been post hiatus really emphasises just how tired and over hiding and lying and being yes men they must have been. It makes me appreciate this new era of content so much more. I would watch them watching grass grow, if it kept them smiling and happy and fulfilled, rather than making content for us, that made them that miserable.

oh :(( anon this really broke me and i have a lot of thoughts about this tbh.

as someone who's been lucky enough to watch them change and grow over 10 years, i think something we all know is how it's nothing compared to now, but like there was a clear shift around 2018 with tour and just the way that they presented themselves publicly. in part, they started to become a little bit more comfortable with each other and carefree about sharing certain things. again, looking back this sounds strange to say but im talking purely compared to the years before then- it was absolutely different. of course, we all know that this time was extremely difficult for dan, struggling with authenticity and "living his truth". i love ii, this is in no way dogging on it bc i think there's room to be proud of it and what they did but also the entire concept of "giving the people what they want" is almost poetic considering dan's internal turmoil during this time, like with what he said during one of those reaction videos- "c'mon dan, give the people what they want and then you can disappear forever." multiple people on here have put it like this before but there are certain points like in ii era liveshows where you can tell dan is just buzzing with this restless, frustrated energy, like he's stuck inside his own skin and can't crawl out of it.

i will say that i think just on some practical level, i like to tell myself that it wasn't all doom and gloom pre-hiatus and that there were obviously moments of happiness or comfort or things that they genuinely enjoyed doing, like travelling the world or something as small as playing a fun game. but i would be lying to myself if i denied the fact that they absolutely struggled at points, and that dan was fed up of struggling with the pain of wanting to be his true, authentic self, but being scared. again though, it's not all bad. this was the first time that dan started to accept and at least think about coming out, and all those moments where they signed pride flags and he would say things like "hopefully one day" to people who told them their stories really cements his point that the acceptance and support his audience gave helped him. the hiatus was so important for their personal growth, to heal their relationship with us, and like you pointed out they really were "yes men"- phil constantly pointing out how learning how to say no has helped a ton.

there are no words to describe this new era other than pure fun, joy, and whimsy. it's been an absolute privilege to see their personal growth, to watch them allow themselves to focus on themselves and be happy and open and watch them have the time of their lives and reassure us that they're enjoying it and not going anywhere anytime soon. i'm right there with you, i just feel so happy and appreciative of being here experiencing this new era with you all and them, and i just want them to do whatever makes them happy and fulfilled. which is what i think they're doing right now with the tour, and they knew it mere months after the comeback which they had no real long term plans for, but we showed up for them, and they know that which is why it makes the idea of our mutual "healing" and entering this new era together so exciting <3

[backgroundagent3]

for the character ask, daisy johnson!

Thank you so much for the ask! 💜 I love any excuse to talk about Daisy Johnson.

First impression: I'm trying to squeeze my brain here, but all I remember was trying not to like her at first because I knew se was a double agent for the Rising Tide. It goes without saying I failed miserably about three episodes in.

Impression now: She is my favourite character of all time.

Favorite moment: I really can't choose, but one that comes to mind was the final fight of season 5. I think it's a very underrated fight scene, because it's the end of the world, her dad is dying, she has been recently betrayed and tortured by her friend, and she still goes into battle BY HERSELF against Talbot, and if that wasn't bad enough, when she's about to die a horrible death she realises that the only way she can save the world is if she takes the serum and basically condemns the person she loves most to his death. It's so heartbreaking and poetic, but very cool to watch, and I just love so much it, idk.

Idea for a story: This is angsty but I would love to read something where the events of 5.14 are properly dealt with. May watches the security cameras and goes ballistic on Fitz, and Daisy gets time to grieve and heal. They get Coulson back and he's horrified, and Jemma is so conflicted but she's there for her best friend.

Unpopular opinion: Since apparently I can't stop thinking about season 5, here's some more. I think she actually did a good job of leading the team in season 5b. Especially if you consider that she's been recently tortured, her family doesn't seem to care, she has no experience, and hasn't gotten a good nights sleep in about 5 years. She might be tough, but hello? IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD?? You have to be at least a little bossy if you wanna make it through that. Also if you're gonna be a baby and call her a hard ass maybe you should have thought twice before joining SHIELD.

Favorite relationship: If it's romantic, then Sousa. I love them so so much, they're literally perfect and despite my obvious outrage at season 5, I will forever love the AoS writers for somehow pulling that off. As for platonic relationships, I'd say May. She's the perfect mother figure for her, and I love the parallels between them. I think Daisy has the best relationships in general, but this one is my favourite. Honourable mentions go to Coulson for being the most unhinged dad ever, and to Jemma for being the sweetest friend in the earlier seasons.

Favorite headcanon: before she goes off to space at the end of season 7, she rebuilds Afterlife with the help of Sousa and Kora. I've said this before, but I think they are actually the perfect team to do this. Kora has lived in Afterlife her whole life, she's seen Jiaying help people go through Terrigenesis, and she's been though it herself in a much healthier and safer environment than Daisy. Sousa is reasonable and calm, which are good qualities to have when you're helping someone who's terrified and potentially dangerous. He has experience leading people, which I think would make him a good mentor for the Inhumans. So Kora has the experience, Sousa has the qualities, and in my opinion, Daisy has a nice combination of the two. She has a different and much more horrifying experience of Terrigenesis that people who accidentally go though it can relate to, and she has spent years exploring and controlling her powers, so she knows what the deal is. And she's also a good leader, so where Sousa can help the Inhumans pre-Terrigenesis, she can train them after if that's what they want. Because that's another thing, SHIELD may be funding Afterlife, but they've learnt their lesson and they're not sticking their noses where they shouldn't. They accept new recruits and help train them, but if that's not what the Inhumans want, then SHIELD helps them get settled back into their normal lives. Anyways this got long but it's one of my favourite headcanons, so there you go.

Thank you so much for the ask! Sorry for rambling, but I have a lot to say about Daisy. 🌼💛

Character Asks.

[crazylittlejester]

For deaged Wars, even if his physical appearance was changed so he looked like he did during the war, it would break a couple people. He was BAABY!

It would also probably break Time. Because Captain Link was Baby and Mask probably hadn't caught that.

Younger but still himself Warriors would be ADORABLE. Twilight would need to cuddle. I bet he looked like a kitten or a puppy!

See my headcanon for him is he has naturally curly, dark brown hair and also that he lived in a small village where he was helping out with farm work and stuff, so if he were to get physically de-aged to say, 15 or 16, not only would they see a younger Wars before he started dyeing his hair, they’d see him back when he was physically more healthy looking, he’d look like a completely different person to them. To me he was always a bit on the scrawny end, but they’d see a Warriors before the trauma and societal pressure started physically impacting him, and I think that would break all of them a little. I think they’d look at that Warriors and see the life he COULD HAVE had

If I were to de-age him to those first few years of the war, Time would definitely get slammed by some wave of hurt, regret, and anger at the war, because he has an image of Captain Link in his mind, and while he’s able to recognize that Warriors looks healthier and happier NOW, he would be forced to realize that during the war his brother was just a teenager and he LOOKED like a teenager too. I feel like when you’re like, 10-12 you tend to look at older teenagers and think they look old and put together, but Time would have to see his ‘Captain Link’ with his adult eyes and I think that’d make him cry 😭

meanwhile Wars is just pissed to either 1. Be trapped in the body of a 15 year old, I think he’d be so devastated over his hair and being a bit shorter that he wouldn’t even notice the sad ways the others were looking at him, or 2. Be trapped in a 17-19 year old body that’s much weaker than what he’s used to, and he’d certainly be angry about that, and I think he’d be more self conscious about that because he KNOWS how much he’s healed since the war, even Warriors is able to acknowledge how far he’s come, and he’d be upset if he saw any of the others looking at him with ‘pity’/worry

i dunno if I’ll end up doing anything for this tho lmao, I’m real tempted but idk

[northstarscowboyhat]

How did Starlo and Ceroba begin dating in your AU Would there be any conflict because of Cerobas last marriage ending so tragically?

First off, anon thank you for giving me an excuse to gush about Staroba. They have taken a hold of 95% of my brain. This might be a bit of a ramble, but I will gladly share my thoughts on them!

So before Clover arrives in the Underground, I imagine anything romantic between the both of them was kind of out of the question. I HC Starlo is still pining for Ceroba years later, but he's pretty discreet about it. That's his best friend, and she's recently lost her husband and daughter. He's going to be there for her emotionally, but he's not about to complicate things by pursuing his feelings. I imagine even if he hasn't really moved on from her, he's resigned to the fact that it'll only remain as pining from afar.

Meanwhile, on Ceroba's end, she isn't really thinking about romance. She's very much wallowing in her own grief and misery, so to her, Starlo is the only person she has left in her life, but he's just her best friend. There may be some feelings beginning to build, with living with Starlo and spending so much time with him, but nothing she really actively thinks about. She's too consumed by the terrible situation and struggles she's neck deep in.

It isn't until Clover comes around and chooses to stay in the Underground that things change. I HC that Clover chooses to live with Ceroba after the Pacifist ending. Starlo and the gang cleaned up her house anyways, so why not live in it again and make better memories? Because Ceroba's house is close to the Wild East, Starlo visits a lot, not just for Clover but for Ceroba too. Now that they're both working on their own issues and moving on, becoming healthier people, they're able to properly hang out and emotionally support one another and enjoy each other's company in a way they haven't for a few years. This is where Starlo's feelings really kick into high gear, and it's gotten to the point that everyone in their family and friend group notices.

("Dude, you like, totally wanna marry her," Mooch says, hardly bothering to contain her smug smirk. Starlo yanks on the brim of his hat to conceal his reddening face and begs her to keep her voice down, lest Ceroba hear it from across the bar counter.)

Though Ceroba is a lot more subtle about it, this is where her feelings begin to grow too. She realizes that Starlo has always been there for her, even if his actions weren't always the right ones his intentions have always been focused on doing things for her sake, and that she wants him around, maybe more than just a best friend. It gets to the point that the house feels lonely whenever he leaves from a visit. It probably takes a lot of internal strife and struggle to reconcile with her feelings. Letting another partner into her life after she's mourned her first husband is a massive and frightening step to take, after all. She knows Chujin would want her to be happy and live her life to the fullest after he's gone, but it's still a lot to take in.

I imagine once a few months pass, with encouragement from Starlo's friends ("C'mon boss, Clover calls you Pa and Ceroba Ma, you two are practically already raising them together!"), he tries to confess his feelings to Ceroba. He probably fumbles it a few times; not just because he's still shy and awkward under the sheriff persona, but because he really doesn't want to ruin his relationship with her, nor hurt her after everything she's been through. Ceroba, of course, notices this. Probably after the second or third bumbling attempt of him trying to tell her in privacy how he feels, she gently cuts him off and comes out and says it; she reciprocates his feelings, and she would love to start a new chapter of her life with him.

Thus, they begin dating! Everyone's happy for them, especially Clover and the Feisty Four, who has been privy to all of their subtle and not so subtle flirting and obvious pining. Starlo and Ceroba were already raising Clover together, but now it becomes a lot more overt. After they date for a while, Ceroba invites Starlo to move in so he can spend more time with her and Clover and be a proper family. He does so, gladly - though he probably does shed a tear or two moving out from the house he shared with his posse.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Some Theodore Nott and Nottpott headcanons because I feel like it

So, I got in a mood to write some things about Theo. I mentioned here basically all the canon information we have about him, and I wrote a headcanon list for Harry a bit ago, so this post is a bunch of random headcanons I have about Theo Nott (and a bit about Nottpott) that live in my head in no particular order.

They are based on the little canon information available, but I don't actually know where most of them came from. They are just my personal headcanons for a barley existing character.

1. He has dark brown hair and dark grey eyes.

He is also described as "weedy" so I imagine he's tall, thin, gaunt, and pale. In my mind, he looks like a sickly Victorian child. Although, he would look healthier as he grows up.

2. I always change his parents' names, they are very inconsistent in my mind, but their personalities are consistent.

3. His father is a blood-purist, Death Eater who isn't a nice person (understatement) and wasn't really involved in Theo's life up until Theo was capable of more complex thought and speech.

He mostly expects Theo to be molded in his image and not really have any new independent thoughts beyond his rule as the Nott heir.

Usually, I place his grandfather as the Nott who came with Tom Riddle to the DADA interview with Dumbledore in 1967 and was a classmate of Tom Riddle. His father is the Nott we see in the graveyard and the DoM. Basically, I think there are two of them and that it isn't the same guy.

4. His mother is a pure-blood witch, and she is dark and wasn't a fan of muggleborns either, but she also wasn't a fan of Voldemort. She disagreed with his methods more than anything. She didn't believe in the Death Eaters war or their means of dealing with muggleborns/muggles (although her solution probably wasn't great either, but it wasn't murdering all of them, so...)

5. Theo is initially similar to his mother’s views, he doesn't necessarily like muggleborns, but he doesn't think they should all be hunted down. He thinks the issue is more complex than most blood purists think, after all, he'd be all for just leaving the muggleborns with the muggles like squibs, but they have magic, and doing that would inevitably lead to wizards' discovery.

Talking to Harry and Hemione would make him more accepting later on.

He also thinks the idea that muggleborns "steel magic" is ludicrous and contradicts everything known about magical theory. Even if he sees them as innately lesser due to his upbringing, he draws the line at contradicting magical theory.

6. He was always closer to his mom and sat at her bedside while she was dying.

7. Theo's mother died when he was 8.

8. In my headcanon Mr. Nott poisoned her over time and later in life when Theo learns of it he becomes very interested in poisons.

The why Mr. Nott killed her isn't something my mind is consistent about and the ideas range from revenge to ritual sacrifice to cover up.

9. He takes 3 electives in school: Care for Magical Creatures, Arithmancy, and Ancient Runes.

10. His favorite school subject is Ancient Runes.

11. His grades are pretty good with Es and Os — his Os being Ancient Runes, Arithmancy, Potions, Transfiguration, Astronomy, and Charms, He got Es for History, Care, and DADA. Herbology is an A for him, he knows the theory well, but he has no interest in actually growing plants ("I could just buy them, I don't see why I'd need to grow my ingredients").

12. Theo isn't really a fan of magical candy, he thinks the enchantments on them are mostly cheap gimmicks.

13. The hat considered him for Ravenclaw, but eventually decided on Slytherin, not for ambition (Theo isn't very ambitious) but for cunning and resourcefulness. Plus kinda fearing his father's reaction if he wasn't in Slytherin.

14. Theo understands how to manufacture an image and unlike Draco, can look aloof and unimpressed when he wants to. He usually looks generally unimpressed and judgmental over something — that's his resting face trained into him by years of saying "yes, father" over everything.

15. Theo has a pretty good memory, but there is one thing, in particular, his father said he was forced to verbally agree to that is etched in his mind: "It's better now you aren't stuck to her bedside" after his mother died (or something along these lines).

16. He honestly loves magic and is often amazed at Harry's intuitive grasp of some complex theoretical concepts. Harry always gets bashful and defensive when he mentions it repeating it isn't that impressive. Theo disagrees with him.

17. Theo doesn't laugh a lot, and Harry cherishes every moment he does.

18. Theo's really quiet and spends more time with books than people. He usually doesn't like people all that much.

19. He and Harry would sometimes just sit in the same space without really talking or doing anything together besides sharing a space, but it is comforting and relaxing to both of them.

20. He was abused by his father (more emotionally and psychologically than physically. Mr. Nott didn't hit him like a muggle, he might've cast some curses that don't leave a mark, but mostly he was distant and an emotionally manipulative piece of shit with impossible standards)

I can see some of Mr. Nott's punishments including, like, grounding with silencing charms and shit like that.

21. Theo would kill his father if he could get away with it.

22. The best years for Theo were 6th and 7th year. During 6th year his father was in Azkaban after the battle in the DoM, and in 7th he made sure to just ditch the UK with the money he stole from his father when he was in Azkaban. (Unless I'm diverging from canon before that)

He does come back to 8th year when that becomes an option.

22. The dynamic Theo has with his father when he grows older is like a weird sort of cold war with each of them counting wins against the other. Almost like a really twisted game of who can get away with fucking up the other's life more. Mr. Nott is usually in the lead and Theo's in constant search for blackmail material he could use against his dad.

23. Theo doesn't really have too bad self-esteem issues thanks to his mom who was a positive influence on his self-image in his formative years. His father is pretty annoyed he couldn't curve some of her influence off Theo.

He does have a trusting and connecting to people issue.

The fact Harry doesn't just treat all relationships as transactional where something would be given and something gained messes him up (in a good way).

24. Theo and Harry would, like, never go on a date somewhere public, they'll stick to hanging out just the two of them somewhere quiet.

25. I also headcanon that Theo could probably get Harry to study better because he'd actually appreciate his intuitive approach to magic and adapt the way he's explaining things to it.

26. They figured out they were both abused in a conversation that went something like this:

Harry: "My relatives don't like me much"

Theo (realizing): "My father doesn't like me much either"

Cue silent understanding and then they just continue whatever conversation they had before.

Later they would inevitably come back to this subject and talk about it more. Harry is honestly elated he can joke with Theo about ducking his uncle's fists without getting pitying glances.

27. He is less hot-headed than Harry and tends to not jump into action. He likes to observe first (even if there isn't always time for it).

28. Theo's the observe invisibly from the sidelines kinda guy. He knows a lot about people just from sitting quietly and listening. (I kinda used to do this in my former workplace, not on purpose, it was my ADHD, but I always knew all the rumors about everyone and what was going on with who even though no one told me any of it and they never realized I just sat quietly not actually reading on my phone while they were talking. It was kinda funny. Sometimes I'd tell my friends the really dramatic story I heard on the bus about complete strangers because I accidentally eavesdropped). Point is, Theo's got a blackmail folder, just in case. He just likes to have blackmail, even if he'll never use it. It's a safety net.

29. He is usually less brave than Harry, his bravery is very selective on how much he cares about whatever it is. He is a Slytherin, he has enough self-preservation for both him and Harry, but if he really cares about something, as we're shown with most Slytherins, all that self-preservation goes out the window.

30. Theo is pretty decent at planning for the long run or preparing, but these spare-of-the-moment plans Harry is so good at, aren't his strong suit. Theo is in his element when he has time to prepare for a situation.

31. He used to meet Draco and Pansy often when they were children because their parents were in the same circles, but he was never close to any of them. He doesn't really have friends, he has people he can talk to and be acquainted well enough with, but it's not really the epitome of friendship. Most of them are in Slytherin in the year above him.

32. Theo doesn't really play Quidditch (he says he's no good at it, and he's mostly right, like, he can fly a broom but he isn't great at it or anything), but he is a fan. He listens to games and follows up on team stats. When he was younger he and his mom would go to games together (she was on the Slytherin Quidditch team when she was a student).