#i think i'm being terminally lazy

[mesaprotector]

i'm gonna enforce a week's break from elden ring after i lost track of time and played it for five hours somehow. i honestly expected this game to be more linear, but i'm happy with it not being that, because i love just exploring as much as i can. the starting area looked... standard, for lack of a better word, but places like the crystal mines and the underground river are just beautiful. is there a plot? who knows! i've beaten a few "bosses", but none that felt like they had any connection to the main story.

oh and i'd die for the jar people. kind of just want to live in their village forever

[sinsirellaxx]

Can you do a toxic! Slyhterin boys where they found out y/n is actually pregnant? Cause let’s be honest, they wouldn’t be happy and sweet about getting their girlfriend pregnant

Slytherin Boys – Reacting to you getting pregnant

Warning: Toxic boys, mentions and talks of abortion, toxic relationships etc., not proofread (cause I'm lazy)

A/N: Thank you for the request! I totally agree with the idea that they wouldn't be happy at all!

Hope you'll like it!

Mattheo …

… glares down at your trembling hand holding the offending pregnancy test, his nose pulled up in disgust.

… suddenly views you as this stupid person that is unable to use birth control. If you aren’t on birth control and only use condoms, he’d still think you were the cause for this mess. Did you poke holes into the condoms? Did you want to get pregnant and trap him?

… would be so turned off by the idea of having a child at that age, that he’d project all that frustration and negativity on you – he’d start detesting you. Gone is the obsession he had felt for you and replaced by pure annoyance.

… stared at you coldly as he told you he didn’t want to see you anymore – that he didn’t want to be involved with anything regarding the child – his child.

Theodore …

… stares at his phone dumbly – his mind completely blank as he assessed the situation. Well, fuck.

… immediately blocks you – a poor attempt to push you and his new problem out of his life.

… desperately hopes you don’t try to confront him – he’s an asshole but he doesn’t want to be cruel to your face, duh. But obviously, you did confront him.

… rolls his eyes when you start crying in front of him, obviously scared and overwhelmed by the situation and his apathy.

… rudely interrupts you and tells you to fuck off – that he cannot have a child yet. If you refuse to just leave, he’ll obliviate himself out of your life. Problem solved, right?

Lorenzo …

… would get angry. Not at himself – no, he’d be mad at you. How could you destroy such a beautiful relationship?

… is desperate – he loves you but the thought of having a child make his balls shrink.

… would force you to make a choice: Him or the child. If you want to keep the child, he’ll break up with you – which further angers him, because he still wants you but if you decide to terminate he’d be back to being his usual loving and obsessed self.

Draco …

… enters panic mode. He knows his parents and he knows the chaos that would ensue of they found out, so he begged you to terminate. If you refuse to, he’ll try to gaslight and manipulate you into doing it.

… will hold a grudge if you do not terminate and his parents find out, which would result in you two having to get married.

… would be kind of put off by the thought of you carrying and growing a child and distance himself from you.

… would definitely cheat to satiate his desires and needs because his feelings for you were clouded by hatred.

Blaise …

… laughs in your face when you tell him. He thinks it is a joke. When he takes in the state you are in it quickly dawns on him that you aren’t joking after all.

… groans loudly as a string of profanities leaves his lips – why did everything have to be so complicated?

… suddenly accuses you of cheating on him because no way in hell could he have gotten you pregnant. He’d try to talk his way out of it – spewing lies about his fertility and turning the situation in a way that makes him look like the victim.

… tells you to leave and accuses you of being a filthy cheater.

Tom …

… will demand, no, force you to terminate – because he would not allow any mistakes. He doesn’t want to be a father – especially not out of wedlock.

… doesn’t give you a choice – because you can’t be trusted. He’ll help you through the procedure and ensures that you actually go through with it.

… he’ll not break up with you though but will put you on birth control and watch you take the pills every. Single. Day.

… does not show any remorse or empathy, because he simply cannot understand why you’d be this devastated. If he has to, he’ll obliviate you and make you forget about the whole incident.

[faretheeoscar]

Lesson Learned

Pairing: Jake Lockley x f!reader

--Warnings: 🔥18+, nsfw, orgasm denial, spanking, let me know if I'm missing some--

Summary: you will never think about having sex toys around the house again.

A/N: English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there’s any mistakes. Had this sitting down in my drafts for so long, I wrote this I'm not kidding you like 5 minutes after the Brioni photoshoot came out and my mind melted and was filled with Oscar thoughts…

Thanks to my Vin @sereiist for letting me invade her discord messages with all my thots and use them as a note pad

Word count: 1.2k~

It's a cozy afternoon at your shared flat with the boys, you've been mostly being lazy all day, laying in bed reading, watching movies, while the boys were away, but after you heard the stretch of the keys your heart fluttered at the prospect of your boyfriends being at home.

Jake is sitting down in the living room and he calls for you.

“Come here mi amor, I wanna talk to you for a second” 

You frroze in place, your gaze turns towards him, he's looking with dark eyes at you, not stopping eye contact for a second and when you see him rolling his sleeves up you know by the tone he is using and the way he's looking at you that it’s gonna be bad….

So you walk towards him and you can already feel the tingling sensation between your legs when he’s looking at you not even phased, you can see the prominent veins on his arms and hands, a sight you don't get to see that much with him, as he's always on his suit and tie, wearing his gloves...

The gloves.... those gloves that just provide the perfect friction when he fin...

“Sientate” His command gets you out of your fantasies, he's stitching his eyebrows together and finishing rolling his sleeves all the way to his elbows, then, he pats on his legs for you to sit on his lap, you hesitate but you end up sitting cause you know if you don’t comply it would be even worse for you. (Sit Down)

Jake reaches for your chin and forces you to look at him, he squeezes your cheeks together.

“Do you know why you’re here chiquita? hm?” He says this in that very low husky voice that makes you already squirm in his lap, he places one of his hands on your hips for you to stay still, you just shyly shake your head no to him, cause you really don’t have a fucking idea why he has you there, why is he even looking at you like that, you just feel helpless when you try to stay steady on his lap just thinking that he’s probably gonna make you tremble in no time.

He tuts disappointed when you don’t know why he has you there and why he is going to punish you, so he reaches up for a thing on the side of the couch and shows it to you.

“What did we say about this?” 

He opens the palms of your hands and places the small vibrator on them, you swore to him you’d get rid of it the last time he punished you for even having it, the memories of him edging you for hours with that damn vibrator and making you squirt without even touching you himself are enough for you to already start almost staining his pants with the wetness between your legs.

“Jake I—“ You try to start justifying yourself but he cuts you short with a firm slap on your ass.

“Sin peros mi vida, I thought we had an understanding about having these things around the house last time…” (No buts, my love)

You feel everything inside of you shaking while looking at him, his pupils are all darkened and the hint of a little small smile appears on the corner of his lips.

“Get up and bend down for me, en cuatro, here on the couch, NOW”

Your already shaking legs make you look clumsy when you stumbled to get up from his lap to accommodate to the side of the couch, in a non very graceful way you managed to get in all fours, all your nervous terminals were already expecting a huge spanking session, as it was the way Jake always started to give you "a lesson", his lessons ending on markings of his red palms on the tender flesh of your ass.

Jake made his way behind you, he pulled down painfully slowly your night shorts, enough for your already wet dripping cunt to feel the cold air of the living room; you closed your eyes in anticipation of the first slap but for your amusement it never came, instead the only sound you heard was the zipper of Jake’s pants and small huffs coming from him, you turned your head to see and you were faced with a sight that was nonetheless… beautiful.

Jake Lockey with that new beige suit you bought for him on your last anniversary together was with his eyes closed, his lips snarling in an almost painful twitch as he stroke himself beautifully, his length coated with a mix of saliva and precum making the slide of his angry fist over his throbbing member easier for him. 

“Turn around, no mires” He ordered when he noticed you were looking at him, you tried to obey but you couldn’t simply take your eyes off of him there was a lump in your throat, you were waiting and squirming around with need. Seeing how his eyelids closed in concentration as he worked on himself and tried to suppress moans as he circled his tip with his thumb was in your honest opinion a pure display of art happening in front of your eyes. (Turn around, don't look)

When you saw him open his eyes again you quickly turned around hoping he didn’t catch you in the act but those hopes went away when you suddenly felt his full length bottoming out without a warning inside you.

“I. TOLD. YOU. TO. TURN. AROUND.” Each growl and word came with a full slap on your asscheeks as he pounded hard into you. 

“What is it that you don’t get huh?” He said as he kept abusing your dripping cunt nonstop without even warming you up for the size of his girth.

“Jake please… it’s too much, you’re going too hard” You whined and pleaded as he kept on using you, earning yourself another round of slaps and groping of your ass that would leave marks in there for a week at least.

“CÁLLATE!” Harsh and abusing thrusts kept coming your way and making your legs almost give up. (Shut up!)

“You’re gonna learn- *grunt*- you’re gonna learn one way or another that this- *grunt* - this pretty little cunt belongs to me and only I can make it cum”

Tears were already running down your cheeks, you didn’t know if it was pleasure? Pain? At this point it was all a blur, you were starting to feel that heat starting to build deep inside your lower stomach, mewling and moaning erupting from deep inside you, as you squeezed the nearest pillow available to you, but as soon as you were barely getting there, you heard Jake growling and gasping before pulling out to jerk himself and finish all over your back.

You had to blink twice to even think about what was happening when you felt the stickiness of his hot cum against your skin as he rubbed it with his thumb as if he was painting over you, you felt the soft pattern of his thumbs making a smiley face on you?. You were confused, overstimulated and shaking when he looked down at you and slapped your ass one more time.

“Que bonita” He gave you a sarcastic smile and a dark chuckle, when he saw you confused and whimpering asking him to help you with your release. (How beautiful)

“No mi amor, I told you you were gonna learn one way of another…”

He moved himself from behind you and pulled his pants up, you heard the zipper of his pants before he threw the infamous vibrator on your side of the couch as he bent down and growled softly to your ear.

“And I really really, I hope you learned with this how frustrating it feels to know someone in this house had an orgasm without you…”

Come on just look at him... tell me I'm not the only one picturing Jake...

Reblogs and comments are kindly appreciated!

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Fics Masterlist

[me-and-your-husband]

widow's bite (1) || e. williams

summary: "...the dangerous Black Widow is to be approached with caution, as the Black Widow's bite can cause death. she encases her victims with silk, then kills with poison from her fangs."

or

you're a black widow. you're sent to kill Spider-Woman. something inside of you just can't do it.

warnings: smut in future chapters, ellie is 18 and reader is 19, dreykov being gross which is canon, mentions of suicide attempt, canon death (sarah), swearing maybe? probs more, not proofread cause i'm lazy

word count: 4k

a/n: soooo i got this request and although it took FOREVER for me to write it, i was so excited that i just had to make it a series...i SWEARRR i'll try to update regularly but going back to uni is kicking my ass a little. also, ellie is basically mcu!peter. some of the avengers may make appearances. tony isn't dead.

You stood tall in front of the massive screen in his office. Videos of a girl in a red and black suit swinging through New York City illuminated your solemn features. At the top of the screen, there were only a few words: Spider-Woman: TERMINATE.

“She keeps coming so close to discovering our New York base,” Dreykov’s accent spread through the dark room. “I can’t have her getting in the way of my work. This is important.”

You nodded, eyes never leaving the screen.

“You will bring her body back to me. She seems to have some sort of abilities, abilities I can use to make you stronger. Better.” His thick hand slithered up your shoulder. “Do you copy?”

“I copy.”

His lips twisted into a sinister smile, his gross breath hot on your cheek. “Always so obedient.” He licked his lips.

He smiled, “You take off…” he glanced at his watch, “right now. I don’t want to see you again until she's dead,” he spat in your ear.

“Yes, sir.”

"Hey! Come back, mister criminal!”

Faint thwips filled the air as Ellie swung past corporate building after corporate building, chasing some burglar who happened to try robbing Delmar’s when she was ordering sandwiches for her and Joel. He would have to wait. She was just lucky she had her suit under her clothes.

He booked it down the sidewalk, cash flying out of the duffle bag, throwing pedestrians to the side as he tried escaping Spider-Woman.

She grunted as she dodged semi-trucks and cars, bikers and typical New York tourists. She almost lost sight of him when he turned a corner, but she could still hear his laboured breathing.

She could sense that he had stopped, under the impression that he had thrown her off his trail. He was resting in an alley up against an apartment building. Climbing to the roof, she perched herself on top as she looked down at him, hands on his knees as he panted.

“Hey, man, I think you forgot this!” She yelled as she dropped next to him. Before he could react, she cocooned him in webbing and left him stuck against the wall.

“You got a pen by any chance?” She asked, to which she had to dodge a ball of spit directed at her head. “Should've guessed.”

She pulled her calculus notebook out of her backpack with one of her good pens and scribbled a note on it:

“This is the one that robbed the bodega. I think you should cut old Delmar a tax break for his troubles.

Love,

Spider-Woman”

She called it into the station and webbed the note to the criminal, webbing his mouth shut too while she was at it.

As she walked out of the alley muttering “all in a day’s work”, she heard the faint pleas of a small child. Letting her heightened senses guide her, she swung until she found the source coming from an open window in a different apartment complex.

She slid the window open far enough to get inside, putting her hands out in front of her when the child noticed her and was frightened.

“No no no! Just your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Woman, not gonna hurt you! I promise,” she said, getting to the little girl's level. The girl’s eyes softened and she seemed to trust Ellie.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

She shook her head, lip trembling. “My sister…please help.”

“Okay, where is she now?”

The little girl pointed outside of her door, “The kitchen.”

Ellie took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m going to go help her. You stay right here, okay? Don’t move.”

Something inside of her told her that something was wrong. She brushes it off as someone else being in danger.

As she creeps out of the child’s room, she surveys her surroundings. It looked like a regular New York apartment, a little messy, but nothing her and Joel’s place hadn't seen. Everything was fine.

Until it wasn't.

She suddenly had difficulty breathing when you jumped from somewhere above and wrapped your legs around her neck, squeezing. You elbowed her head repeatedly.

She grabbed you by your hips and threw you off of her, gasping for breath. Her naivety still told her that you needed help.

Was it her naivety?

“Calm down, lady! I’m trying to help you!” she said, still gasping. She watched the girl scurry past her and over to you. “I thought I said—”

She stopped talking when she saw you hand the girl a twenty, eyes still trained on Spider-Woman.

Once you knew the child was a safe distance away, you attacked. His voice rang in the back of your head. No casualties. No witnesses.

You lunged at her, hands finding her throat.

“Woah, at least take me on a date first,” she remarked as she easily slid out of your grasp, jumping up to the ceiling and latching on. She webbed your left arm to the wall. You let out a grunt of dissatisfaction as you squeezed your fist, a blade coming out of your cuff and slicing through the web. It was installed in all of the Widows’ suits in case of capture.

“Oh. That's pretty cool, honestly,” she said as she dodged a bullet from your pistol, flipping down from the roof. You charged her again, this time taking out her legs and pinning to the ground. You threw a hook right at her jaw, to which she exclaimed “Ow!”, catching the next one with ease. Your eyes widened as she flipped the two of you over, pinning you underneath her.

“Look, I don't want to—”

Before she could finish, you had sent electric currents through your suit, effectively tazing her.

In her incapacitation, you were able to flip over again and pressure your knee against her neck. While she struggled for air, her legs flailed underneath her. She managed to knee you in the stomach, opening up an opportunity to throw you off her. You both stood up, ready to go at it again, both slightly out of breath.

“Are you gonna say something?” Silence. “Can you even talk?”

She lunged forward in an attempt to pull down the mask that covered half of your face, a piece of fabric resting atop the bridge of your nose. Before she could grab it, you grabbed her wrists, locating her web cartridges. You released another electric current, frying them.

She stepped back, trying to shoot webs, but to no avail. That's when she saw the text on the bicep of your suit: WIDOW-893. “Shit!”

You threw a swift kick into her abdomen while she was caught off guard and knocked her down to her knees. Her eyes widened as you threw punches at her face, too dazed to think of blocking. When she finally grabbed your fist, she could feel the blood from her nose leaking through her mask and could taste metal.

“You’re a Widow? Like Nat?”

You struggled to get your hand out of her grasp. Instead, you pushed all your weight forward and landed on top of her chest, pinning her arms.

You reached forward and slid your fingers under the fabric of her mask. She struggled underneath you, but you had her pinned and she wasn't going anywhere.

You basked in her struggle, slowly sliding the mask off her face.

“I was sent to kill you.”

“So you do talk. Wait—”

“And that's what I’m going to do.”

“Please don't take my mask off. Please. Please don't kill me. Oh god, I have so much to live for, please—!”

You slipped her mask off completely to be met with her perfectly curved and soft lips, her delicate green eyes, and her pretty freckles, her auburn hair messy from having it under the mask. Her brows furrowed and she squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for it to happen. When it didn't, she slowly opened one eye, and then the other. She was met with you admiring her face, gaze raking over her features.

Your eyes were wide and seemed slightly glassy, and she couldn't help but wonder why they looked so distant. Why it looked like you were trapped behind them.

She realized you weren't pinning her down anymore. She loosened an arm slowly from underneath you and brought it up to the fabric around your face, gently beginning to tug the mask down.

Your cold grasp on her wrist stopped her. “Don't.”

“Why not?” She whispered.

You tore your gaze away from her, standing up. You turned your back to her.

Looking back at her once more, you said, “Because it will end badly."

You moved to leave through the window, but a thought stopped you briefly

The truth is, you didn't know what to do. It's like you had just gained free will, like she had broken some spell. You had thought you were operating on your own terms until now.

You'd been sent to take out powerful men, some women, usually old, usually established, usually somewhat corrupt. But when you saw the fear in the eyes of a girl your age, your body shocked you back into free will.

Your back still to the girl, you just shook your head and jumped.

She coughed as she pushed herself up off the ground and shoved the mask back down over her face, wondering if she'd ever see you again. If she'd ever find out who you really are.

“This is WIDOW-893,” you said into your comm-link, talking to an obscure agent you'd probably never meet. “I need an extraction. I’m sending you my location now.”

Static sounded in your ear before a harsh male voice began, “Has the mission been completed?”

You elected to ignore the question.

“Has the target been eliminated?”

More silence as you hunted for a place to lay low for a bit.

“Widow, has the target been eliminated?!” The agent’s frustration was palpable in his voice.

You swallowed. “Negative.”

“What do you mean, negative? This mission was of utmost— Sorry? Yes, sir.” Some keyboard clicks. “She can hear you now.”

“893, why wasn't your mission completed?” Dreykov’s invigorated voice droned through the comm. You searched for an excuse that wouldn't get you terminated. Or worse.

“The target seems to have heightened senses. She was able to get the jump on me before I was in position. My identity was almost discovered so I was forced to retreat.”

Dreykov let out a pained sigh. Slowly, he said, “I’m only going to tell you this once, agent, so listen very carefully. You are disposable. The mission must proceed, regardless of your comfort. We can easily terminate you and move on to the next Widow. Copy?”

“I copy.”

“Now, if this happens again, I will have you terminated. You get a pass this time because you're one of the…finer specimens we have. You will not be sent an extraction. You will complete this mission in terminating Spider-Woman. Do not make contact until then,” he said, and you could almost feel his hands slithering up your back and around your neck. “And don't think you're not being watched.”

With that, the connection was severed.

Ellie threw the soggy McDonald’s bag down on the kitchen table as Joel stood at the sink washing dishes.

“Couldn't get sandwiches from Delmar’s. Poor guy got robbed again,” she said as she began digging in the bag for her fries.

Joel turned around to give her a shocked look. “Someone’s gotta look out for the people in this city. Lord knows the cops ain’t doin' much,” he said, shaking his head.

“Well…Spider-Woman looks out for people,” Ellie said, tearing the waters. Joel never really sided with J. Jonah Jameson from that stupid news station, but he was never really for the “vigilante” either.

He sighed. “Look, Ellie…I know you think Spider-Woman is cool and all, and I think it's good that she looks out for the normal people of New York, but I think it's irresponsible. I mean, I’m sure she's got people in her life that love her and she’s puttin’ her life at risk seven days a week,” he said as he dried the dishes and put them away.

“Yeah but,” Ellie said through a mouthful of fries, “If you had that power, wouldn't you be responsible for using it for good?”

“Yes, I suppose. But with great power comes great responsibility, Ellie. And with responsibility comes an immense need for balance. Remember that,” he said, turning to look at her.

Ellie swallowed the last few fries as she took a moment to digest what Joel had said. She gave him a meaningful smile before he turned back around to put the last few dishes away.

She couldn't help but think about your “power”. Was it given to you, or forced on you? How did you become so skilled? You were her age, or at least not far off. She’d never met someone so close to her age who held such a huge responsibility. But was it really a responsibility if you were being forced into it?

She knew she'd probably never come across you again, so there wasn't really a reason to overthink it. Right now, she just wanted to finish her Physics homework and watch The Empire Strikes Back with Jesse.

Weeks had gone by and every moment plagued your mind with thoughts of Ellie. Or rather, if you had it in yourself to kill her.

Your immense training in Covert Ops was indeed handy for situations like these. You shadowed Ellie almost 24/7. You followed her on her commute to her high school, which you noted to be Midtown. You surveilled her through the cameras you'd planted in all of her classes. You followed her after school to the alley where she'd leave her school stuff and switch to her second life. You climbed from building to building as you followed her web-slinging as closely as possible without being seen. You searched and searched for something to justify it, something to prove she's a bad person and deserves to be terminated. But nothing. Nothing when she helped old ladies carry their groceries inside, or rescue little girls' cats from trees, or stop lecherous men from harassing women on the street. Especially nothing when you spied through her living room window and saw her laughing with her dad every Sunday morning.

Three weeks after your first attempt at termination, you had stumbled across the perfect moment to investigate your target’s bedroom. She was at a field trip to the Museum of Modern Art with her class, and her dad was at work.

Around noon, you whistled as you climbed the stairs to the apartment, smiling softly as you find the right one. You knock for good measure, and when nobody answers you slide two bobby pins out from your hair when to pick the lock. Classic, but it always works.

When you open the door you lock it again from the inside so nothing would seem astray. You feel an uncomfortable, throbbing pain in your chest as you look around at the framed portraits of your target and her dad, lots from when she was young. One of her holding a medal in a soccer jersey. One of them at a planetarium together. One of them with a model dinosaur in the background, a hat atop its head, both of them grinning.

You creep through the hallway, looking for one room in particular. Opening the first door, you enter an office space. You decide it might be useful in gathering intel on her family.

You slide open a drawer of the filing cabinet labelled “records”. There seemed to be two sections, one for her father’s business, and one for their personal records. The latter had significantly less material. You slid out the folders and placed them on the desk, taking a seat in the chair.

The first folder read: ADOPTION RECORDS

You skimmed the papers and deduced that about five years ago, a man named Joel Miller (presumably the target’s father) and a woman named adopted a girl named Ellie Williams, but had fostered her long before that with a woman named Theresa Servopoulos, the word “deceased” in brackets next to her name. Anna Williams, her single mother, died shortly after childbirth and a woman named Marlene took her in. However, Marlene gave her up to a foster home once she hit school age.

Another folder read: MEDICAL RECORDS

Ellie had a long history of optometry visits prior to about two years ago, then they just suddenly stopped. There was nothing else really interesting in her file.

Joel, however, was a different story. Medical records that yellowed and flaked at the edges sat in his file from over 20 years ago. He was admitted for a self inflicted GSW to the head shortly after the death of his daughter, Sarah Miller. He was admitted to a psychiatric ward by request of his brother, Tommy Miller, shortly after.

Another file read: ELLIE’S SCHOOL RECORDS

It was evident that Ellie had excelled in school ever since she had settled in with Joel, specifically in the math and science areas. Her transcripts highlighted a bright 4.0 gpa. She had a bright future.

Now with a name for your target, you decided to search her room to gain some more personal intel. Tucking the files away and closing the drawers, you stalked out of the office and down the hall to what was Ellie’s room (the words “Ellie’s Room!” scrawled on a banner on the door making it painfully easy).

The door creaked slightly when you pushed it open. You were immediately hit with the vague sent of pine and mahogany. Dirty flannels and socks were piled in a corner or sometimes littered around the room. An empty ramen cup sat on her nightstand. Notebooks and textbooks filled with complex calculations sat open on her book. Her blankets were peeled back, revealing astronaut bedsheets. “Cute,” you thought.

The cracked open window let in a nice breeze. The light blue walls were littered in posters, photos, and banners. Next to a lesbian flag above her bed were photos of her and the two friends she was always with. Plastered around her room were covers of comics, something called Savage Starlight. There were silly math reference posters, Star Wars posters, and just about everything you would never expect from a crime fighting vigilante.

Her laptop was left open, and a few clicks and an easy password guess later, the screen unlocked to Ellie’s web browser. Her search history made your brows furrow. You expected to find “How to buy weed NYC” or “porn” at the very least.

Search: Is there more than one Black Widow?

Search: Natasha Romanoff history

Search: The Red Room

Search: Dreykov The Red Room

Search: Dreykov Russia

Search: Black Widow Assassins

Search: Natasha Romanoff Phone Number

She had been researching you. Hell, she hadn't done a very good job by the looks of it. And did she really think The Black Widow’s phone number was public information?

You grabbed a figurine from Ellie’s desk and toyed with it as you took a moment to think. Was it really worth taking the life of an innocent girl just for the sustenance of your organization? Was it even your organization? It's not like you could remember how you got there. It's not like you remembered your family, or your friends, or what it was like to have them… It wasn't so bad if you didn't really have anything to compare it to, right?

A soft pressure around your ankles made you look down. Silky webbing coated your boots.

“Sit down,” her voice came from near the window. You turned as much of your body as you could and watched as Ellie gestured to her desk chair. With no choice but to oblige, you sat. She webbed your arms to the armrests, not taking any chances.

She spun the chair to face her direction and then leaned back against the window.

“What do you want with me?” She inquired, green eyes searing into yours.

“I told you. My mission is to-”

“No. If you were going to kill me, I’d be dead already.” Good point.

You broke eye contact and looked around her room dramatically. “Cute room. I like the flag.”

“Tell me what you want with me,” she said, stalking closer to your chair. “I’m not asking this time.”

“What happened to the ‘friendly neighbourhood Spider-Woman’ I met? Do you rest all your guests like this?” You quipped.

“Yeah? Well, forgive me if I’m not so friendly to the one who tried to kill me, has been stalking me for weeks, and broke into my apartment.”

You roll your eyes.

Her large hand wraps around your jaw, forcing you to look in her eyes.

“Roll your eyes one more time and see what happens,” she growls. “Now tell me.”

You jerk your jaw away and kick her in the stomach, enough time for you to effectively sever the webs around your wrists and ankles.

“Fuck, I forgot about those,” Ellie says under her breath as she webs her bedroom door completely shut and stands in front of the window to block your exit.

“Move,” you demand.

“Nope.”

“Move. Or this won't end well for either of us.”

“Nah, I think I’ll just stay right here ‘till you tell me what you want with me.”

You charged her, attempting to throw her to the side and leap through the window she entered through, but she's stronger. She's like brick as she pushes you back.

“Just let me go. I’ve made up my mind anyways. I’m done with you.”

“No can do. I’m not in the habit of letting pretty girls who try to kill me go so easily,” she said, and you felt your cheeks heating up. She webbed the window shut and sat down in her bed, gesturing to her desk chair again. “Come on. I just want to know what your people want with me. Then you can go, I promise.”

You knew it wouldn't hurt to tell her. You'd have to go on the run from Dreykov anyways. Rip your tracker out and all. So you sat and watched as she reached into a drawer in her nightstand and pulled out a pack of peanut M&Ms.

“Want some?” She asked as she peeled it open. You shook your head and she shrugged. “More for me, then.”

“What do you want to know?” You asked.

“Start from the beginning.”

You cleared your throat. “I was given the mission to find you and-”

“No. I get that part, I’m not stupid. I want to know how this happened to you. And how I can help you out of it."

permanent tags:

@winters-fairy @idkwhattonamethisblogs

ellie taglist:

@chrry1ovr @milly-louise @dankpunks @starhrtz @pedrobaby @urlocalgingersnap @wrendermedone @kissyslut @felsweb @darleneslane

a slash thru your user means i'm unable to tag you!

taglists

[66sharkteeth]

more info about nine lives bc i'm stalling on work and wanna talk about him instead <3 most of this is about the version of him intended for the comic I want to do after City of Blank.

-his real name is Nico

-his mother was a succubus, meaning he is half incubus. because of this, his incubus powers are limited and only work over digital media. IRL, everyone sees him as a gross, weird little gremlin, but online or in streams, he can seduce (nearly) anyone.

-he goes by nine lives bc he is very sickly and always in and out of the hospital. when he was a kid, he was in so often the nurses started (lovingly) joking he had nine lives and it stuck. even his dad calls him that.

-he is deaf, but speaks english fluently. he lost his hearing around the age of 13 to bacterial meningitis. he's blind in his right eye because of this too, which is why he's often seen with his goggle mask. He wants to keep his left eye safe, because it's his last means of staying connected to the world.

-he does have a hearing aid but hates using it. he also never learned ASL and instead picked up quickly on lip reading. he doesn't let many people know he's deaf, so a lot of people think he's ignoring them. (he DOES learn ASL later, but that's kind of a big part of the story)

-he is incredibly apathetic and lazy. he is very much the kind to joke to cope, but he's ultimately accepted he will die young and has no aspirations because of it (one of the reasons he never bothered to learn ASL). all the cast in this story has an assigned "7 deadly sins" and despite being literally half incubus, he actually represents sloth.

-he can and does sleep anywhere. energy drinks and coffee pump through his blood but he's still forever sleepy.

-actually incredibly nice. he can be a bit of a troll and likes to tease and mess with people, but ultimately would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. keeps all his problems to himself because he doesn't want to make other people worry.

-the opposite of finze in every way.

-terminally online. furry. reddit user (derogatory)

there's a lot more but that seems like some good basic info get to know him. i know vast majority of you are here for CoB but pls allow me to be self-indulgent with other projects for a couple days after a really frustrating weekend regarding CoB haha. maybe i'll do finze next if anyone is curious about this kind of info on him in the next comic?

[richardlawson]

The End

After a few years away from that particular couch, I started seeing a new therapist at the end of last year. It had been long enough, I sagely determined, after I was felled by a series of really nasty panic attacks—one happened while I was doing a Q&A on stage with some filmmakers. They didn't notice, nor did the audience, nor (most importantly) the publicists. But it was happening. Me contemplating running off stage, into the Soho afternoon. It was a terrible feeling, and eventually feeling terrible starts to be a drag, so I found, after a fair amount of searching, someone new.

He is in his late 50s and has a kind, open comportment. He's much more giving and lean-in-and-nod than my last therapist, a sort of prim and watchful gay guy who retired to Florida. I like this new gay guy, I think. Or, I am warming to him. At first, I thought his platitudes and constant quoting of various people were corny. But I have resisted such sentiment for so long, and lack of sentiment hasn't cured me, so maybe I should try the earnest stuff. He has me meditating for one minute a day. The panic attacks went away.

For a little while, anyway. They've been creeping back, when I least expect them, and when I most do. I am afraid of what I am afraid of, I hate what I hate, I feel increasingly indifferent to what I love. Winter hardens care. Do I like movies anymore? Do I like a play, seen on some chilly Saturday afternoon? Maybe it's just seasonal. Or it's media malaise in a time of such austerity. They're trying to lay off the best people while the worst people watch, safe as houses. They're trying to take the whole thing apart and replace it with nothing. I have worked in my business for 16 years, well over a third of my life, and for the first time it now feels truly dire and terminal and like I need to start making other plans for what to do with the rest of my time here in the waking, working world.

Something I talk about a lot with my therapist is inertia—I use the word constantly. Why can't I just, why can't I just, why can't I just. I know something's in me, latent under my lazy skin, but it never makes its way to the surface. At least not yet.

Which causes panic, this stasis. I am scared of the drugs that might help, and am resistant to other concrete life changes that might make this better. (I like a glass of wine too much; I'm a fan of my vape.) I have tried avoiding things, I have tried not avoiding things.

I guess it's not circumstance, really. I have panic attacks when I'm home at night, Andrew asleep in the other room, me watching some murder show or YouTube video (same thing) and suddenly a feeling hits me, the conviction that a blood clot or some other lurking thing is making its way up my body and that this is my sorry, lonely little nighttime end. Here it is, the moment when I'm carried off, when I disappear, when I slip away into nothing.

My parents just finished a cruise, a lifelong wish fulfilled, in South America, hooking around Cape Horn and then exploring the fjords and inlets of Chile. All the reports were good. They had the best time. I had worried about my mom itching for her work email, about my dad being newly 90 years old and maybe feeling exhausted by all the activity. But it seems they managed well. They saw Patagonian cities, they saw mountains rising out of the sea, they saw the shy, retreating edges of glaciers, so quiet and demure in their dying. My mom sent us pictures and I thought most about the glaciers, those last cracking murmurs of a time before. When I was in Alaska for a wedding, years ago now, we went to a park of some kind and the visitor's center that was once built over a glacier then stood cantilevered over dry land. The ice had crept much farther up the mountain, winking goodbye.

How awful. And yet, in the depths of my hypocrisy, I relish an unseasonably warm day. Whatever lifts me out of winter, I guess. Whatever can drag me out of the feeling that everything is indeed going to ruin—a career, a life, a liver, a future. My best friend moved out of my neighborhood recently, which is sad. But it also affords us the opportunity to explore new territory, to find backyard bars with good deals where we can huddle in forgiving late-winter winds and make uneasy escape plans, where we consider what parachutes could ever be made of.

It's not always enough, of course. I too often have nights, far too late, when I go pacing around the living room, circling the coffee table in a weird sort of marching step in my underwear, shaking my hands to get the dread to go away. My new therapist has urged me to find what centers me. To think of all that is known and steady.

I try to gather myself and remember the people I have, arrayed across the planet. Andrew, in restless sleep down the hall. My sister in her Los Angeles canyon, surrounded by trees. I walk the room, knees high and somehow defiant, chest straining with worry. And I see my parents, on a boat at the tip of the world, dreaming of lost things.

[graendoll]

I've been thinking about season 7 of the queer firefighter show and have decided that it was absolute trash.

I started watching the show like two months ago, from season 1, so basically I speed ran the entire thing and I can confidently say season 7 was the worst of all them. Which sucks because we got such good events - they were just handled so clumsily.

The writing was fucking all over the place, the characters were OOC, there was no continuity, and the more I think about the potential it had the more disappointed I am with Buck's coming out story line.

They didn't do SHIT with it except make it about kissing boys, which yes is a big part of being a bisexual man, but like...also not the only thing about being a bisexual who discovers themselves in their thirties? The writers sexualized the whole thing, and bisexuals get so sexualized already... it was just...low stakes and lazy.

I share all of this to say that when you approach a story with no plan (which I've seen rumored was the case with this season) winging it results in mediocrity if you're lucky and absolute garbage if you're not.

I know because I'm a pantser when I write and my experience has taught me I need at least a list of bullets for story structure in order for anything to make sense, and I never publish part of something before I finish all of it because once you put it out there into the world, retconning is a bitch.

I really wish the writers/showrunners of 911 had approached s7 with less of a "who cares" attitude because they basically put all their eggs in the bi!buck and buddie PR basket and kind of ignored the need for like...story and character.

I really hope they get their shit together for season 8. But American television, like American capitalism, forces things to live beyond their staying power (HOW does Grey's have 20 seasons??) regardless of whether the story itself has passed its termination point. Because at this point, I worry the writers are just going to make an even bigger mess than they already have by focusing too much on shock and drama and ignoring the thing that made the show loved, which was the characters.

911 was GOOD for a really long time, and it would be nice to see it go back to being good in season 8.

[emi-maru]

A few weeks ago I switched to Linux and I've got some thoughts

I chose Arch Linux because I had some prior experience with using Ubuntu and Linux Mint on laptops, both for work and for myself.

Gaming is, aside from games that require certain anticheats, extremely easy to set up. Steam just works and I use Heroic as an alternative frontend for the Epic games launch and GOG Galaxy and it runs better than both of them did on windows. I haven't looked into Origin the EA App or Uplay Ubisoft Connect but I know I could play their stuff via Lutris or Bottles.

I locked myself out of my system once because I didn't verify a change I made to my fstab (basically a file where all your drives are listed) and while that's my fault for not verifying, you'd think the os would be able to boot if some drive that's not necessary isn't plugged in. A little help from a mutual helped me fix it.

Gnome is a very meh desktop environment. It's kinda considered the default for Linux and aside from KDE and budgie the only one I'm really familiar with. I had to install a bunch of extensions for it to work the way I wanted and it also comes with a bunch of preinstalled software that I don't need and can't (without fearing I'll break something) get rid of (for example, I use Alacrity but have to keep Gnome Console around).

The theming is so good. I can theme so much stuff it's great. I start up LibreOffice and it picks up the background and accent colour I set, I love it.

I'm getting more comfortable with using the terminal and while I still think that ideally every application should have a GUI, sometimes the terminal is more convenient (like using yay to update my entire system).

When I used Windows I had sporadic crackling sounds that I assumed were the fault of my DAC/AMP but I haven't had them since switching to Linux so I guess this was a Windows issue somehow. I tried so many fixes before that didn't work like checking drivers and firmware, using different usb ports and cables, trying different headphones but to no avail even when I got a completely new pc. Thanks, Windows.

I don't get Flatpak at all. Universal packages are neat but when I installed the Flatpak version of Bottles to run save/mod managers inside the proton prefixes that Steam uses, it suddenly took up almost 5gb. It also for whatever reason couldn't see half the folders even after I gave it access to the entire file system. In the end I went with the AUR version of Bottles which does not have that problem despite being Unofficial™. I just wish that the library/shortcut system worked but I can live with it I guess.

The AUR seemed annoying because it took forever to build packages compared to just installing binaries. The Chaotic AUR is a godsent because it contains a ton of binaries from the AUR. I don't get why people don't recommend it more often.

The only software I really miss from windows is ShareX. Not even because of all the tools like scroll capture, but also for OCR. Watching a vod of a twitch stream and being able to grab links out of the chat on screen is nice. Maybe I'll find an alternative someday, who knows.

I've come to despise a lot of people who think that the way they use Linux is the only good one. A big thing that kept me from switching was that the more I informed myself, the more weird opinionated takes I saw. Being forced to engage with questions such as "Is systemd bloat?", " Is neovim the only good text editor?", "Are tiling window managers universally better?", " Is Canonical literally Satan for having made Snap packages?" and "Is it ok to call this person a slur for using solarized KDE?" makes it so much harder to make a choice you're comfortable with.

I should not have put /home on a different partition or at least made the /root partition bigger. It's fine if I clean the pacman cache regularly but I don't want to look up those commands every few days (I know I can resize the boot partition with a live usb and I will, I'm just lazy rn).

My controller only works correctly when plugged in via usb. If I connect it via Bluetooth, the buttons don't map correctly. This is less of a Linux issue and more of a firmware issue since this is a third party controller that does not support Linux. I'm also aware of Steam having a robust remapping tool so I'll use that if I ever need to.

I have not yet looked into software to map my additional mouse buttons and control my keyboard/mouse rbg. Both of these store their settings on board so there's no need for it right now.

Might add more in the future but these are my thoughts for the first few weeks

[neorukixart]

Been wondering for a while if you have any other headcanons for your adult Ruki 🤔🙏

Ah... well, since you asked for "headcanons" it means I can go wild and ignore some of the canon, right? :3c

She had her "gay" awakening when she was watching "Digimon Adventure" while she was baby (about the age she had in the Locomon movie flashback), specifically the ep with princess Mimi. She didn't realized it until she grew up (prob in her 20s). Thanks to that, Rumiko "misread" the mood and thought Ruki wanted cute dresses and be pretty.

She's an AiM fan (thanks to Mimi), which would explain her fixation with "Yuuhi no Yakusoku", that's her fav song and has a soft spot for "My Place" too. She also listens to RAISE A SUILEN (because you know, I'm a RAS oshi too hehe).

She became a morning person quite easily thinking on how she wanted to work hard so when she meets Renamon again, they won't laugh at her for being lazy.

She's very polite, having studied in an "Ojousama" school until highschool but she's very careful to whom she greets with "Gokigenyou", she will NEVER use it with the tamers group but she does knows how to keep up appearances when needed.

The modeling job her mom "forced" her to do was with genderless clothes and during her last months of working as a model, she did more sports and formal suits (skirts were forbbiden); this gave her quite the popularity among girls and women ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). She's thankful she has to use a helmet while riding her bike to hide her face.

Juri will always touch the "you were very ikemen as a model" topic from time to time ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

She used her model job money for her motocross gear and bikes.

Unfortunately for her, she became famous among the motor sports world and had to "become" a model again for magazines and interviews, the good thing is that she wears her gear and not "modeling" clothes. She's still popular among ladies ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

She tries to be a good example to the kids she teaches bouldering, unfortunately (again) there are moms who are very interested in her ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

She regrets very much accepting being a model at this point (but now I find it very funny XDDD help)

During summer, she does radio exercises with kids and her stamp is actually a kawaii fox instead of her last name; when older kids ask why the stamp is like that she just says "I like foxes, they are cool", younger kids don't question it as it is a cute fox.

Jian and Juri are the ones she constantly keeps in touch with; Juri is the one who almost has time to go and see her competitions everytime and she drags Hirokazu and Kenta with her, Ruki appreciates the gesture.

She developed quite the motherly instincts thanks to the kids she's been teaching in the park; then she realized that "oh, so kids are only cute and adorable when they aren't your own" but she is not so against the idea of being a mother herself (Let her adopt Miyuki and Renaharu uwu).

Once in a while, depression actually hits her so you will find her on long bike rides at night with not an specific destination. She decided she was not going to cry anymore so at the end of her rides, she might need to hit something.

She's bad at drinking and becomes a drunk terminator, at the end of her destruction, she cries so, she prefers to avoid drinking but she can do it in moderation.

Thanks to her motocross career, she moved out of her house and lives in a relatively big apartment (model money is convenient); she lives alone but Juri has often suggested to live together, Ruki is not really ready for it yet.

Living alone means taking care of yourself so she's actually a good cook and procures to stay healthy (and buffy), cooking is a hobby she didn't expect to develop but here she is.

She keeps a few plants that does not need much water as she's out most of the time, but surprinsingly she keeps her apartment tidy and clean.

One time she was on TV (thanks to her competition being aired) and got interviewed upon winning; later that week people connected the dots and said she was one of the kids who were fighting the D-reaper and had to ask Jian and Yamaki for help since it went viral (let's say that they did some things here and there that might or not be illegal).

From time to time, she takes Juri on her bike rides (when she doesn't has to do extra work for her school) and the one place she always takes Juri to, is the beach because it reminds her the ONE time she got trapped in Okinawa thanks to a certain Omegamon asking for her help to defeat Mephismon and how she was able to go back thanks to Kyuubimon that miraculously, knew how to swim. When Juri asked why she didn't asked for Jian and Takato's help (or Minami's), she said it was very embarrassing to owe money and favors; but she keeps in mind that if she ever finds this Omegamon again, she will have a few things to say.

I've already said this but, she collects the new Digica, overall Renamon evo line cards. She also collects Digimon plushies. V-mon and Tailmon being among her favs (me? pushing my biases? Noooooo of course noooooo).

Ryou will often try to get in touch and get her to compete in Digica tournaments; Ruki refuses saying she will only do it if the fate of the world and Digital World are at stake, never for fun; only in private and with friends (those friends being Hirokazu, Kenta and Ryou who are the only other nerds to get cards).

She's in good terms with Ryou to be honest; they have a good relationship and he already apologized for forgetting about her when they were kids. Ruki still doesn't knows why she can't hold that grudge anymore but she considers him a good friend so when Jian or Juri don't have time, she will chat with Ryou and share their problems. Their fav subject is sharing their adventures before meeting each other and new booster packs of the Digica or discussing the new Digis designs.

Speaking of new Digis, she likes Diarbbitmon and is gay for Cendrillmon.

Also speaking of Digica, there was one time when Shaochung was eager to learn but Jian ain't teaching her for whatever reason so she went to Ruki who, happily showed how to play. They are in very good terms, even Shaochung would often brag with her friends and classmates how she knows the Digimon Queen (and motocross pro) Makino Ruki. She keeps calling her "Ruki onee-chan" btw.

She would be on good terms with Takato if only he would have stuck around instead of disappearing xD so she holds a grudge towards him for "abandoning" Juri; this is the main reason Ruki will try to spend time with Juri the most she can. Who knows, maybe she can wooo her ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Speaking of Juri, I think Ruki realized she liked her when they were teens but out of respect for Takato she stayed quiet, for YEARS. Also Juri secretly collected Ruki's photos from her modeling days (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

I know that for the sake of the CD dramas, Ori-san had to do her usual "Ruki" voice, but I actually picture Ruki having a different Ori-san voice, something between Riza (FMA Brotherhood) and Manami (Digimon Ghost Game).

I think that's all I have for now XD I hope you have fun reading? Also, since I don't have anything new to post (still can't use Glaze and don't even talk about Nighshade) here have a blurry preview of your prompt hehe.

[pumpkinnning]

it happens sooooo often these days that i read books with underwhelming romances where i really enjoy the dynamic and the characters and the tropes and yet there is just something missing

and i think it could be solved if the characters had even one or two more real, deep conversations

i think also that's why the romance in old stuff like Pride and Prejudice still holds so powerfully. it's because they understood the erotic appeal of a Proper Conversation. it's the wit and the wordplay but also it's just like the impression that these people are genuinely interested in what the other thinks. and that they have a brain. and interests. it doesn't need to be about Healthy Communication it can be weird and dishonest and toxic or whatever but just like. the feeling of two minds touching. of a connection happening. of equals sparring with each other. of being Seen and Understood. that is like The Romantic thing to me.

maybe it's because i'm a terminal nerd and very neurodivergent and a lot of people find it boring (and it also explains why my fics are so long winded) but man. im tired of reading stuff where it's just like omg he's hot i find him so attractive he's so cool good trope enemies to lovers boom it must be true love.

like???? show it to me ???? but even when the plot does give proof of the love interest's qualities there is still something detached about that. some people can be great in general and not right for you. and truly (especially for m/f couples) "does he want to know and truly engage with what you think" is often a shortcut for "does he see you as a person" and "does this go beyond instalove/physical attraction" and most of all "is this writer actually making a fucking effort to care about what they're writing"

maybe i am being a snob but like. when a writer just writes about how hot or cool or appealing a character is it's like they're writing from a fantasy in their head and they just expect everyone to conjure their own self insert version and that is so lazy to me like hello you picked words as your medium use some words put the romance in the fucking words make the words sexy give us some good dialogue helloooooooo

like sometimes i just feel reading some books that im still in middle school where talking about your interests or anything of substance made you cringe and boring and not hot and im like damn some people still live like that huh

[salemruinseverything]

i haven't made a headcanon post in yeeeeaaaars but i'm too lazy to try and draw these so....... alternative styles i think the sides would be into

virgil:

- emo. thats fucking obvious. and canon.

- wants 2000s hot topic back so fucking bad

- his entire wardrobe (outside of his like. one canon outfit) is nightmare before christmas & set it off merch

- wants to put his emo quartet phase in the past so badly but he still jumps every time he hears a g note

patton:

- EVERYTHING jfashion. to some extent at least

- especially loves yumekawa & lolita; dabbles in hime gyaru quite a bit

- i know that man wears platform boots. im not letting go of that. giant baby blue sparkly demonias with enough buckles for the entire cast of a kingdom hearts game

- so much cinnamoroll in the yumekawa fits. he is a pubpy he is blue he is silly what do you want

roman:

- i don't know ???? he gives off such heavy prep energy that i cannot imagine him in anything other than like a red & white vineyard vines shirt

- maybe like. something vaguely approaching eboy. (he put on one (1) chain and some eyeliner and called it an eboy outfit)

-maybe patton manages to get him in a tsuyome gyaru outfit once in a blue moon he'd look good as hell in that

- assigned terminal prep at sanders sides headcanon post

logan:

- suuuuper like. 2000s numetal punk. i need that man in a black untucked button-up and baggy jeans with wallet chains on the belt loops immediately.

- he heard "math rock" and took it as an instruction

- i don't know why but i can see him being super obsessive over system of a down and green day. he bonds with virgil over them

- he owns jncos and wears them regularly

janus:

- very very heavy trad goth. almost leaning into victorian/cabaret goth

- i know in my heart of hearts that man is blasting depeche mode 24/7

- i want you to just picture with me for a moment. black poet shirt with yellow ruffles, home-dyed black flared jeans, yellow platform mary janes, big overdramatic black parasol. yellow satin gloves

- can you tell these were drawing ideas before they were a headcanon post

remus:

- SCENE KID. no other option.

- the kind of scene kid who called people slurs in casual conversation on myspace in the 2000's. i'm sorry. he would

- ungodly amount of gir clothes. he just raided the entire gir section at hot topic. i'm imaging this takes place in a world where those are still a thing. i want them back. he's head to toe in that fucking furry robot

- listens to msi (sorry. jimothy piss is also the kind of scene kid who called people slurs on myspace) (i don't support msi. i also do not support remus)

[ssum-thinginthewayshemoves]

The Ssum Review 3: It's Raining Men

So! It's been well over a year since my last in-depth review of The Ssum: Forbidden Lab. I didn't write one for the last couple of major changes, so those will be folded into this. (Yes I'm doing this for batteries again).

Since my review from October of last year, Cheritz has added two new routes to the game, as well as updating the UI and adding some extra features. The word document I originally typed this in clocked in at 6 pages only mildly edited, so without further ado, let's get into it.

Note : This review will include spoilers for all three routes, including June's. I won't discuss any major twists from later on in any of the routes, but I will talk about the identity of June's Mystic Messenger connection, if you have any concern about keeping that a surprise.

Boys –

I will sum up my thoughts, feelings, and opinions on each boy through two categories – my opinion on each boy as a character, and my opinion on that boy's route- the way their story is written and told.

Teo

The boy -

Early on in the game's lifespan, before anyone else was released to compare him to, a sizable portion of the fanbase had complaints about Teo, calling him “boring” or “generic”. My opinion is that, being the only option available, it was difficult for his unique qualities to stand out. Now that we have Harry and June to compare him to, I believe his personality is permitted to shine.

And shine it does. Far from being boring, he's a cheerful, friendly boy with a quick sense of humor and a deep love of movie's and film-making. He's a chronic workaholic. He's scared of bugs, ghosts, and horror monsters. He's a terminal optimist who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt. He loves meat and hates carrots. He's a lovesick idiot who wears his heart on his sleeve. I finished his route back in April, and I think about him every day.

The route -

So far, Teo is the only route for which I have fully completed all available content for. 200 entire days of chats and phone calls with this boy, with more days expected to be added at an unknown point in the future. Teo's route has been compared to a train ride- relatively smooth and steady, with some bumps along the way as he lived his life. This applies most clearly to the romantic arc- there are a few arguments and conflicts that pop up between teo and the player during the course of the story. But as to the relationship itself, there's a generally steady uphill pace as the you get to know each other, growing closer and more comfortable with each other. The story remains rather slice-of-life in nature, but Teo's so active that he's always doing something interesting.

Teo's route was, of course, the first route written/released, and therefore misses hallmarks shown in later routes – we get very few opportunities to hear directly from other people in Teo's life, mainly relying on Teo as sole narrator (with the exception of the rare occasions his phone is lost or stolen). This can lead to its own brand of strengths and weaknesses- while it lacks a variety of voices and the punch of different characters interacting, there does come the added layer of Teo as a potentially unreliable narrator. And that does make the rare occasions when someone else has Teo's phone a strange but delightful treat.

Harry

The boy -

Harry's an interesting character. Being the only other boy for what Cheritz has dubbed the “First Season” of the Ssum's storyline, Harry is clearly meant to stand as a narrative foil to Teo, especially early on. Teo is cheerful and friendly, Harry is closed-off and a bit of a misanthrope. Teo's a workaholic, Harry is lazy and very difficult to motivate. Teo's a lovesick idiot, Harry declares early on his route that there is No Such Thing as love. Their roles as narrative foils stands most clearly in the most superficial of their differences: Teo loves meat and absolutely hates carrots, while Harry would be a full vegetarian if he could, and Carrots are his absolute favorite food.

In short, Harry's not the easiest character to get along with. He does show the most growth and change over the route, however, and while the core of his character stays the same, his growth is delightful to watch.

The route -

As mentioned above, Harry is a lazy misanthrope who doesn't believe in love. Not the easiest character to write a romantic arc for! How did Cheritz deal with this, you may ask? By giving him a lot of outside stimuli, with a variety of characters intruding on his quiet life against his will.

The first major difference from Teo's route was the app's AI Piu-Piu as a character- in Harry's Route, Piu-Piu is present from the beginning, giving the player someone to talk to when Harry's not around, and working hard trying to foster a relationship between the player and Harry. In addition, the speech-to-text feature (not implemented until very late in Teo's route) is used liberally from day 2 of Harry's route, allowing us to listen to conversations between Harry and the people around him. It's a creative way to tell more varied stories in the limited format of a private messenger chatroom.

Harry's character arc is pretty closely tied to the romantic arc of this route – Harry starts out as a very closed-off person, but as he interacts more with the player and gets to know them, he starts to open himself up to trying new things and being more adventurous. He's still blunt and frustrating to deal with, but it's been a genuine delight to see him change and grow, however gradually. In short, THIS is the slow burn romance.

June

The Boy-

June's by far the youngest of the boy's currently accessible in the game, 20 years old compared to Teo's 27 and Harry's 28. He's also much more sheltered, suffering from an unspecified illness and therefore forced to live with his mother for his well-being. He's therefore very shy with people he doesn't know very well, and has a lot of self-worth issues tied to his status as an “unemployed moocher” (his words). That said, he positively blossoms when talking to the player, being very affectionate from day one, proving to be a rather chatty, playful young man. He enjoys painting, especially appreciating the works of Monet. He does seem to be rather desperate for affection- I get the sense that he'd bend himself into a pretzel to please the player. I worry about this kids self esteem.

The Route-

Part of the marketing surrounding June included the announced return of Mystic Messenger's writing staff to the team, along with the promise of a more dramatic story. They promised and delivered- June's life is full of drama, both due to his illness and due to the complicated conflicts of the people around him. The poor boy has very little agency in his life due to his illness and position, and there are many moments where the player is forced to stand by and watch as events unfold. Some of these moments effectively act as a gut punch, meant to make the player feel helpless when June's health takes a turn for the worse.

Other's, however, may simply be a poorly executed writing fumble. A separate arc from The Drama™ is the development of June's friendship with his doctor, Henri. Long segments of chats are devoted to listening to the two of them talk and get to know each other, which can prove frustrating when players can't interject and are forced to sit by and watch. The development of their friendship is rather awkwardly implemented, in my opinion- I get the sense that they wanted a bit of an enemies to friends(lovers?) arc, but didn't give themselves the time to properly develop the relationship in the time they'd allotted themselves, and ended up pacing it out poorly.

Now, you may be wondering, what about the romantic arc? You mentioned the romantic arc for the other two boys, what about here? That's the problem, there is none. June loves you right off the bat. Literally from the moment he meets you. And granted, that's part of his story and low self-esteem- June's been using the Ssum app for nearly two years, waiting for a match, and he's so overjoyed to finally match with anyone that he's willing to throw himself into it whole heartedly. But the downside of this is, at least from my perspective, that it feel's hollow. Unearned.

The Mystic Messenger Connection

Another large part of June's marketing was his connection to a character from Mystic Messenger, Cheritz's most popular game. This was left vague in initial advertising, but the connection is revealed very early on in the route. That said, I'm gonna mark the spoilers very visibly for those who want to avoid it. (… honestly who is reading this without already being a fan of the game? This is my the ssum fanblog, y'all are already in here with me. Still, common courtesy.)

SPOILER STARTS HERE

So those who know me well know that I am not particularly fond of Jumin Han from Mystic Messenger. I don't dislike him, per se- I think he's an entertaining and fun character to interact with, as his lack of experience with ordinary people and deadpan sense of humor adds an interesting dynamic to the cast. That said, I do not like his route. It skeeves me out. It's not for me. Big yikes, dude.

That said, it ultimately makes the most sense for June's connection to be through Jumin's birth mother- why wouldn't a divorced woman remarry and have more children, if she were so inclined? Especially since Jumin's father apparently remarried more than once.

The question may be: does this connection to Mystic Messenger overshadow June's story? In one sense, I don't think it does. While June and Jumin's mother Carolyn plays a very prominent role in the story, and while Jumin does show up later, I feel like the story can be easily understood without having played the other game. You don't need to know who any of these crossover characters are to understand what's going on. Anything you need to know is explained. There are a few easter eggs choices sprinkled in here or there for fans of both to enjoy a good callback, but there's no content lockout. (Some moments in game do come across very heavily as Promotional Advertising for Mystic Messenger to The Ssum players. That is annoying.)

In another sense, yes, absolutely. Whatever melodrama doesn't come from June's poor health comes from drama connected to his family- Carolyn arguing, corporate espionage related to Jumin's company, it's just... so much drama. So much unnecessary drama that has nothing to do with June except how the backsplash affects him.

I honestly don't know how to feel about it. I ultimately like the idea of watching estranged half-siblings trying to form a relationship, but I haven't finished the full 30 days yet so I don't know where that will go. I do relish the potential it holds.

SPOILER ENDS HERE

Art

Teo's Art – You may recall from last time that I discussed the shift in art style partway through Teo's route – the “Updated” art from the first month or so, and the “pre-update” style that started from about day 31. I speculated two things- one, that Cheritz would continue to go back and update artwork to this newer style, and that whether or not we'd return to the “updated” or or if the “pre-update” style would remain. Joy of joys, Cheritz did update a little more of Teo's artwork, bringing the next ten days in line with the artwork of the first 30.

Alas, the updated art style never made any appearances later in the route, as I had hoped. That said, as the route went on, the implementation of this art style seemed to improve with practice- there are some very cute pictures of Teo from later on in the route using this style. (Yes I am biased, and yes, there's still a lot of janky art in there)

Harry's Art – I honestly don't have a lot to say about Harry's art. Unlike Teo's it's consistent, and it's pretty good. Harry's generally not expressive, but when he is, it shines. That said, my one critique is, while Teo's route also made liberal use of stock photo's, the stock photos in Harry's route frequently included other people. This came off as a little jarring, especially if any of those photos with Actual Human Beings (run through a filter) also had Harry drawn in alongside them. It's not bad, it's just jarring. Because again, I get it, 200 days worth of pictures is a lot. This is an indie dev with a small art team. This is what stock photos are for.

June's Art – One of the hallmarks of June as the start of 'Season 2 – Love from Today' is the shift in art style. With June's route comes much more stylized artwork, more in line with Cheritz's previous work such as Mystic Messenger. The artwork of June and other characters shown within his route are well-drawn, consistent, and expressive. I do slightly mourn the loss of the more realistic style from Teo and Harry's routes, I understand why they made this shift. I am curious about what June would have looked like in the older art style, but I like what we have.

The other and much more controversial shift that came with June's art was the use of AI-generated backgrounds. Many fans raised concerns with Cheritz about this, citing the ethical considerations. Cheritz has released two statements regarding this: the first, apologizing for the surprising shift and explaining that the dataset they'd been using had been from commercially available sources. To my mind, this doesn't seem particularly different from how they had used Stock Photos as backgrounds in Teo and Harry's route. Still, it's hard not to object just on a basic knee-jerk reaction. It's just not a good look.

A more recent second statement has left me slightly confused with the wording – they've stated that some background artwork in Harry's upcoming content update will include AI generated backgrounds, but clarified that no AI has ever been used for Character artwork, and that they had no intent to do so in the future. My first time reading that statement left me with the impression that they'd meant that they intended to step back from AI-generated backgrounds as well for any future development, but on a closer rereading, I realize that they seem to mean that they never have and never will use AI for the Character Artwork. What this means for the future use of AI in the game in general remains unclear. I do hope they'll switch back to putting filters over stock photos- it was really fun spotting very obviously well known locations (my personal favorite is "The Artist Village" from Teo's route literally being a photo of the Small World attraction at Tokyo Disneyland)

Monetization -

I Can See Your Voice

I mentioned the speech to text feature offhand earlier, but I'll go slightly more in depth here: A feature I had not encountered by the time of my last review, “I Can See Your Voice” in season one and “Voice Recognition” in season two, has seen a lot of use across Harry and Junes routes especially. This may be seen as simply a fun quirk meant to help bring other characters and different kind of interactions and scenes into the story, if it weren't for the paywalled content.

Like the paywalled images, some dialogue from the voice to text content “glitches out”, requiring the player to use the in-game currency (batterys) to view the missing dialogue. Depending on how willing you are to use your batteries on this, it can range from one line you can easily figure out from context, to blocks of missing text in a row. It's frustrating to deal with, but at least for me, it's not that difficult for me to go “fine I guess I don't get to know what you said” and move on with my day. I'm not wasting my batteries on that when I could use them to make phone calls.

Subscription Services and Piu-Piu Plus

I forget when they added this, but there was a fun new, affordable subscription plan added to the Ssum! Called Piu-Piu plus, it has a much more pared down version of the other subscriptions key features- it still unlocks paywalled content such as photos and missing voice-to-text dialogue, and gives a daily supply of temporary batteries with which to make phone calls and choose paywalled options. It also removed the 5 second ads that pop up half the time, and tossed in the “faster typing” as a bonus. This plan is priced at 8USD a month, a much more affordable price, especially considering how much just buying the batteries you would use would cost otherwise.

I ended up using Piu-Piu Plus for one month back in February, and honestly... I kind of loved it. I was able to go back to days gone and unlock the paywalled photos and voice-to-text. Teo and Harry typed faster. Hell, if Harry or Teo were making me wait too long for the next part of the conversation, I could use the temp batteries to skip the wait. After that month ended, it was a little hard to come back to normal, and while I've readjusted since then, I keep thinking “maybe it wouldn't hurt to subscribe for one more month.”

Honestly, especially if you mean to play while juggling multiple routes in the same day, Piu-Piu plus is not a bad option, especially if you're hurting for batteries and want to access as much content as possible. I just wish it had the private account access.

Misc

There isn't really any specific focus here, I just had additional thoughts that didn't fit elsewhere.

I love love LOVE the music in Harry's route. There's a lot more variety in the melodies, and there's an overall Jazz Piano sound to it that just hits me right. I don't have a lot to say about it. It's good music, Brent.

One of the other UI updates that came with the addition of June was Profile Pictures for the expanded cast in each route. Any significant character that Harry or June speaks to with the voice-to-text feature now has a profile picture displayed, along with a specially colored textbox. It's a fun little detail, and I'm delighted to finally have a face to put to names.

The addition of video calls in June's route is a fun addition. The implementation is rather simple (it's not dissimilar to a standard visual novel), but they do some fun things with the new format, such as June lifting his hand to cover the camera if he's trying to hide something from the player. The new Harry content coming in December is supposed to include Video Calls as well, and I'm excited to see what video calls with him are like.

And also, wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles, The Profanity Filter in the Infinite Universe has finally been updated to tell us What Word Is Causing a Problem! No more do you have to sit there wondering why on earth you can't post your post. The app will certainly tell you! And then you can get mad that it won't let you write “wtf”.

Conclusion

I wrapped up my last review discussing the nature of otome games, giving players choice, having an ensemble. We now have three boys to choose from, with more on the way. There's plenty of variety to choose from: Cheerful Teo, Blunt Harry, Sweetie June. While which boy you prefer is ultimately up to taste, there's plenty of entertainment to be had regardless of whose route you play. Ultimately, ask yourself these questions.

Do you enjoy the more melodramatic style of otome games like Mystic Messenger? Or do you like your boys gooey sweet? June's the one for you.

Do you like tall men with deep voices? Do you want a man so weird you want to examine him under a microscope? Do you like a proper opposites attract slow-burn? Harry's the one for you.

Do you want a steady, mostly relaxed slice-of-life story? Do you like yourself a cheerful boy who likes to joke around? Do you enjoy Pining, mutual or otherwise? Teo's the boy for you.

Does this sound exhausting to deal with? You can always put the game down and come back later when you feel more up to it. The dating sim boys will keep. They'll wait. You have that choice.

[blacktobackmesa]

i think i remember you saying the science team would rewatch the videos together( like the cast commentaries,) and i was curious to see if you would talk a bit about that? like… how they reacted to certain things and scenes, if or how they talked it out, stuff like that… i’ve been wanting to ask this for sooooo long but just now got the confidence to, i love this verse sooooo much !!! its been living rent free in my head ever since i first read the series… its the only way i can think of post-canon i love it so much… ok thats all i hope you have a good day !!!

First I gotta say Thank You and I'm making my first official rent payment for the real estate in here. It has always been the goal to inspire people to think about the team like this and I am SO grateful for every ask sent and conversation had. But YES let's talk about watching

Gordon gave the team the option to watch the VODs and edits on their own, but was convinced to make it a group activity by his friends. This ended up being to precursor to their regular movie nights-- everybody met up in Tommy's basement to watch the edits together over a couple days. (Nobody wanted the emotional whiplash of going into Act 3 unprepared.)

One of the key things that everyone has a reaction to is what fonts and text colors Gordon chose for them.

Benrey likes his text color well enough, but would have preferred purple. He also thinks his font could have been something way cooler. He also thinks it's weird that he and Forzen have the same font, and accuses Gordon of being lazy.

Tommy tells Gordon that he likes his font and color, but it's hard to tell how he really feels. He does say that while his favorite color is actually red, he knows that can be a bit harder to read against a dark background.

Bubby is insulted that he was given Times New Roman, legendary as a default font, but changes his tune when told it's actually Sylfaen. Entirely different! With this, he and Coomer are both satisfied with their captions. In fact, their fonts are in their favorite colors... sort of. Coomer actually prefers cyan, while Bubby likes green.

Gordon actually got Darnold's favorite color dead on. He's started using his typeface, Terminal Grotesque, on most documents and correspondence. He hasn't verbally acknowledged this, but Gordon's noticed. It makes him smile.

G-Man thinks his font is very practical. That's all he's said on the matter.

Other Notable Reactions

Bubby had completely forgotten that Gordon didn't believe him about his name. Upon being reminded, he went "Wait, hang on, hang on. What the fuck, Gordon? Who DOES that?" (Darnold felt validated by this.)

Coomer laughs uproariously at his own jokes and slips of the tongue.

"So Tommy. Benrey said you like mean people, do you... do you have any idea what he meant by that?" "Oh! Well, you know." He failed to elaborate.

The screen going black during the ambush came as a surprise to the team. Everyone remembers actually seeing the events play out, though in hindsight, Coomer questions his own memory. There's a lot about that whole stretch of time that he has questions about, but he knows they can't be answered.

Bubby goes out of his way to point out situations where he was playing a trick or just straight-up lying to his friends. Part of it is for full disclosure, part is to brag about what a funny guy he is.

Gordon is uncomfortable with clips where he is condescending to or impatient with the science team. Benrey tries to diffuse his anxieties by pointing them out directly and highlighting all of his insecurities. He's a great friend. He tries his best.

[regexkind]

Make-a-fish

There is a very cute site out there: http://makea.fish

It was written by @weepingwitch

If it is 11:11 AM or PM according to your machine's clock, you can visit this page and get a cute procedurally-generated fish image. Like this:

At other times, you will get a message like this:

This is charming enough that I have a friend who has a discord channel devoted entirely to people's captures of fish at 11:11. But it's also a fun code-deobfuscation puzzle. Solution below the cut--I checked, and it's ok for me to share the solution I came up with :)

If you show source for the makea.fish website:

Basically:

an image, set by default to have a pointer to a source that doesn't really exist

a script, that is one big long line of javascript.

The javascript is where we are going. Start by loading it into an editor and prettifying it up. It's like taking home a scrungly cat and giving it a wash. or something idk.

Believe it or not this is better. Also, maybe there are some low-hanging fruits already we can pick?

Like this:

Each of the strings in this array is composed of escaped characters. Escaped hex characters are useful if you need to put characters in your string that are not available on the keyboard or might be interpreted as part of the code, but here I think they're just being used to hide the actual contents of the string.

I used python to deobfuscate these since the escape sequences should be understood by python as well. And lo--not only are they all symbols that can be rendered (no backspaces or anything!) but they also look like base64 encoded strings (the =, == terminators are a giveaway).

What happens if we run these through a base64 decoder?

We see that the array actually contains base64-encoded strings. Perhaps a portion of this code is converting these strings back, so that they can be used normally?

At any rate I am going to rename the variable that this array is assigned to to "lookupTable" because that's what I think of it as.

We are making an anonymous function and immediately calling it with two arguments: lookupTable and 0xd8. 0xd8 is 216 in decimal. By renaming the variables, we get:

Confession time, I am not a person who writes lots of javascript. But it occurs to me that this looks an awful lot like we're being weird about calling functions. Instead of traditional syntax like "arrayInput.push(arrayInput.shift())" we're doing this thing that looks like dictionary access.

Which means that, according to the docs on what those two array functions are doing, we are removing the first element of the array and then putting it on the end. Over and over again. Now I could try to reason about exactly what the final state of the array is after being executed on these arguments but I don't really want to. A computer should do this for me instead. So I in fact loaded the original array definition and this function call into a JS interpreter and got:

['Z2V0SG91cnM=', 'd3JpdGVsbg==', 'PEJSPjExOjExIG1ha2UgYSBmaXNo', 'PEJSPmNvbWUgYmFjayBhdCAxMToxMQ==', 'Z2V0TWlsbGlzZWNvbmRz', 'Z2V0U2Vjb25kcw==', 'Z2V0RWxlbWVudEJ5SWQ=', 'c3Jj', 'JnQ9', 'JmY9']

This is our array state at this time. By the way, this comes out to

['getHours', 'writeln', '11:11 make a fish', 'come back at 11:11', 'getMilliseconds', 'getSeconds', 'getElementById', 'src', '&t=', '&f=']

(there are some BR tags in there but the Tumblr editor keeps eating them and I'm too lazy to fix that).

What's next? Apparently we are defining another function with the name "_0x2f72". It is called very often and with arguments that look like small numbers. It is the only place our lookupTable is directly referenced, after the last little shuffler function. So my guess is deobfuscator for the elements of the array.

It takes two arguments, one of them unused. Based on my hunch I rename the function arguments to tableIndex and unused.

One of the first things we do seems to be using the awesome power of javascript type coercion to get the input as an integer:

tableIndex=tableIndex-0x0;

Normal and ranged.

The next thing that is done seems to be assigning the return value, which may be reassigned later:

var retVal=lookupTable[tableIndex];

The next line is

if(deobfuscatorFn['MQrSgy']===undefined) {...

Again, I'm not exactly a javascript person. My guess is that "everything is an object" and therefore this value is undefined until otherwise set.

indeed, much further down we assign this key to some value:

deobfuscatorFn['MQrSgy']=!![];

I don't know enough javascript to know what !![] is. But I don't need to. I'll as a js interpreter and it tells me that this evaluates to "true". Based on this I interpret this as "run this next segment only the first time we call deobfuscatorFn, otherwise shortcircuit past". I rewrite the code accordingly.

The next block is another anonymous function executed with no arguments.

Within the try catch block we seem to be creating a function and then immediately calling it to assign a value to our local variable. The value of the object in our local variable seems to be the entire js environment? not sure? Look at it:

My guess is that this was sketchy and that's why we assign "window" in the catch block. Either way I think we can safely rename _0x2611d5 to something like "windowVar".

We then define a variable to hold what I think is all the characters used for b64 encoding. May as well relabel that too.

Next we check if 'atob' is assigned. If it isn't we assign this new function to it, one which looks like it's probably the heart of our base64 algorithm.

I admit I got lost in the weeds on this one, but I could tell that this was a function that was just doing string/array manipulation, so I felt comfortable just assigning "atob" to this function and testing it:

vindication! I guess. I think I should probably feel like a cheater, if I believed in that concept.

we next assign deobfuscatorFn['iagmNZ'] to some new unary function:

It's a function that takes an input and immediately applies our atob function to it. Then it...what...

tbh I think this just encodes things using URI component and then immediately decodes them. Moving on...

deobfuscatorFn['OKIIPg']={};

I think we're setting up an empty dictionary, and when I look at how it's used later, I think it's memoizing

Yup, basically just caching values. Cool!

We now have a defined deobfuscatorFn. I think we can tackle the remaining code fairly quickly.

First thing we do is get a Date object. This is where the time comes from when deciding whether to get the fish image.

Actually, let's apply deobfuscatorFn whenever possible. It will actually increase the readability quite a bit. Remember that this just does base64 decoding on our newly-shuffled array:

relabeling variables:

In other words, if the hours is greater than 12 (like it is in a 24 hour clock!) then subtract 12 to move it to AM/PM system.

Then, set "out" to be x hours minutes concatenated. Like right now, it's 16:36 where I am, so hours would get set to 4 and we would make x436x be the output.

Next, if the hours and minutes are both 11 (make a fish), we will overwrite this value to x6362x and print the makeafish message. Otherwise we print a request to comeback later. Finally, we lookup the fish image and we tell it to fetch this from "makea.fish/fishimg.php?s={millis}&t={out}&f={seconds}"

(there's a typo in the pictures I have above. It really is f=seconds).

Thus, by visiting makea.fish/fishimg.php?s=420&t=x6362x&f=69

we can get a fish. It appears to be random each time (I confirmed with weepingwitch and this is indeed truly random. and the seconds and millis don't do anything).

Now you can make fish whenever you want :)

[muldoonlives]

"What the fuck happened?!"

Edward Furlong was the big kid I wanted to be in elementary school. He played a cool character in one of the greatest films at the time. I saw the teen magazines in passing while tagging along at a supermarket. He was the only young actor on the covers who didn't wear a forced grin. I could relate. That's what I constantly heard from people. "You never smile." What am I saying? I still do.

I'm not going to get into Edward's bad decisions because we all make them, especially folks in Hollywood. They have more money and opportunities to make them. Let's not forget he was a kid with money and no guidance when his problems began. Anyways, one thing I wish people would do is stop with all the goddamn complaining about his current appearance. Edward was slim as teen and in his twenties, but he was never in shape. He was simply skinny. The roles he's played have not required a fit physique. Edward isn't an action star or the leading man in romantic comedies. In an interview following the filming of "Detroit Rock City", Edward described himself as a lazy person who loves to eat.

"I love fast food. There's nothing better than eating a bag of chips with sour cream in one go and watching your stomach swell up."

It's obvious Edward still feels this way, and has no desire to be in shape.

Shit, Edward's still here while most who have lived his lifestyle aren't. To me, I think Edward deserves credit for continuing to work. He could be living off residuals because he doesn't want to leave the house in fear of being criticized for the way he looks.

I admit to not seeing most of his recent films. "Three Blind Mice", "Intermedio", and "The Visitation" were not very memorable. What I do remember about them was thinking Edward still retained his acting talent. I want to give "The Forest Hills" a view one night though. It looks pretty strange, and that's what I like.

Another thing people can't seem to get over is Edward Furlong not becoming a big star. I'm no psychic, but I feel Edward Furlong would possibly be in the same spot if he never developed any addictions. Well, he would be in "Terminator 3" for sure. His resume would be longer, but it would be filled with more movies most people haven't seen or even heard of. After T2, none of his movies were blockbusters. Independent films with limited theatre time might gain the praise of movie critics, but they won't morph you into a superstar. Edward has claimed he wouldn't mind doing big budget films, but he does prefer indies.

Edward Furlong uses the word "therapeutic" a good bit when he speaks on acting. It makes sense considering his life has never seemed to be peaceful. Why not pretend to be someone else for several hours a day? Edward Furlong doesn't care about being a famous stud. He just wants to act.

[chemicalbrew]

tagged

by @radellama thanks bestie!!!

1. why did you choose your url?

multiple reasons:

I chose chemicalbrew as my go-to handle everywhere important, because the handle I picked for this purpose as a teen is cringe

I like having canon URLs; especially if they are kind of hard-to-get and\or subtle references, which this one is perfect for, IMO. The last time I felt good about a handle in this sense was when I went by theplanetbuster

I like katzero :) a normal amount :) and I always will I think :)

Chemical Brew is just a good track and I love being reminded of its existence every time I log on anywhere.

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

I'm too lazy to upkeep them, so I compensate with my tagging system... Well, there is actually one where I wanted to put my writing if I ever did any, but in the end all writing I do is roleplay stuff on discord that's not meant to be shared widely HELP. And what I do end up getting out once in a blue moon, I just put on AO3...

I used to hoard a whole lot of URLs, but I got scared of getting terminated for a second time, so aside from the almost empty writing blog I mentioned earlier, I just hoard five that I'd hate to see anyone else have (some of these I used to go by, too)

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Almost ten years; I haven't remade once, so you can see this just by going to the archive (don't do that, actually)

4. do you have a queue tag?

I do, and it's a Transistor reference :) I can count on my hands the amount of times I've queued stuff, though.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

Found this place while looking for Zelda fanart; thought it would be easier to use the dashboard instead of checking individual pages. At least I think that was the biggest reason. IDR

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Zero I like him :) At this point it feels wrong if I don't have him as my pfp on here and\or discord so... here he is!!! (since I'm still Four on discord) Not to mention that I kinda need him here to match the rest of my stuff.

I put the NB flag border for Pride month this year for fun and I'm too lazy to put the old version back (also, once again, I like weird subtle shit like that.).

7. why did you choose your header?

I always choose my headers with purpose, though it's not quite the case here: this is a holdover from when I was cherrymegablaster, and it's meant to directly complement that URL in a way that's obvious if you played the game. LOL

I kept it because it's funny to call a drink a chemical brew (and because there's not enough DLC footage for me to make a nice gif with. There's a few stills I really like, but I prefer my headers animated!) ...and because I'm just really happy with the gif.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

I can't be assed to use the site that scans for this stuff and I'm not proud of my ancient random shit that blew up a bit anyway. So... I'll just tell you this gifset I made on a whim is the one with the most notes.

I REALLY hope the rainbow katzero set outpaces it one day because it's also continuously showing up in my activity and it's easily the one I put the most work into. I need to get off my ass and make more gifs!!!

9. how many mutuals do you have?

...does anyone keep count of that? just the right amount to keep me happy :3

10-11. how many followers do you have? how many people do you follow?

343 \ 1414. why are these such nice numbers

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Yes, but I don't post them, I just send them to my friends on discord. I'd say hatewar but it's on fire alone counts as a collaborative shitpost of the highest tier, but barely anyone knows what I mean and I love it.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Ehhh, it depends... I know I check my activity mostly every morning just in case, and I check the dod3 and katzero tags once or twice a week, but it's not a strict schedule thing, I forget sometimes :] The tags are slow anyway, and I have sooo many active katzero posters blocked that it's even slower for me :p

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

I don't think so..? Definitely not in public, I've had arguments with friends I made here, but it's a different thing. I think everyone on my dash is largely chill and has moved on past the disk horse or whatever the fuck

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts

DO PEOPLE STILL MAKE THESE...

16. do you like tag games?

That and 'reblog and put your opinion on X \ what you did today' is always really fun, I <3 being annoying about minor details in my boring life (also I'm literally doing one rn, aren't I)

17. do you like ask games?

Yes, but I never get any asks, so I don't reblog them too often. :]

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

@/ositia, they're a very good artist and I miss seeing them around

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

I have only had two crushes in my life, and one of them was on a former mutual I've drifted apart from. I know he won't be reading this cause he blocked me, but I still think about him and I hope he's moved to a nice enough place, at least :")

20. tags

uuugh just do this if you want to