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#i think im falling out with some of my friends too?
nomazee · 2 days
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Hello, congratulations on your milestone! 🎉
May I have (for the mix-and-match 😚) Dr.Ratio and the word-concept "bathtub"? 🫢
Take your time! ❤️❤️
this one was fun to write too (as per usual with ratio) i've written for dr ratio so much in the last two weeks i think i am becoming him.... Im slowly morphing into veritas ratio please save me... THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING this was lovely :3
my 1k event!
—°+..。゚。゚+.*.。.—
“No way. You take bubble baths with a rubber duck?” 
Veritas freezes for no longer than a millisecond before whipping his head around to see you in the doorway of the bathroom. He’d been relaxing just moments ago, sinking into the hot water with his eyes closed, and yes there was a rubber duck in the bath with him but that was not by choice. It just happened to be there when he ran the bath, and he opens his mouth to argue but is quickly cut off by your endless rambling. 
“Anyways, I came to wash your hair. One of your assistants told me you just left in the middle of your usual work hours, and I thought, ‘wow, how odd, the Ratio I know would never do that!’ And then I thought, what better way to cheer my dear friend up than keep him company and wash his hair! It did look a little greasy today.” 
“I am not your dear friend,” he argues mockingly, but the bite in his voice falls short when you circle around the bath and set down your paraphernalia on the tiles next to you (a microfiber hair towel, shampoo, conditioner, some miscellaneous hair foams and sprays that he really does not trust you with). “You are the most insufferable person I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. Get out of my bathroom.” 
“This is our bathroom now, Ratio. We’re a community, you and me.” 
“It’s ‘you and I.’”
“Exactly! You and I, a community. You’re getting the hang of it now.” 
Veritas sighs, surrendering any potential of a relaxing evening to your whims. This is, unfortunately, how it usually goes, and he has yet to make a real effort to stop it. A voice in the back of his head taunts him because at his core, he has zero desire to stop it at all. 
“Come on,” you keep babbling, threading your fingers roughly through his already-damp hair. It’s not a pleasant sensation at all, and he winces and holds back a pained yelp. “It’s kind of like going to a spa, or whatever. I’m trying to pamper you. Be grateful!” 
“There’s nothing to be grateful about when you’re trying to scalp me,” he could push your hands away easily, bat you off and make you leave. Instead, though, he gives you a minute to tame your inelegant movements into something gentler. He hears the sound of a bottle uncapping, and then your hands are back on his scalp, lathering honey-scented shampoo into the layers of his hair. 
“Is this better?” you ask cheekily, tracing circles in his hair, digging your fingertips in and scratching just a little bit, hard enough to feel it but light enough that it’s still soothing. Veritas sighs through his nose, deep and heavy and sinking back into the water. There’s no mocking retorts, no quips, no sarcastic tone, just the even cycle of his breathing and the rhythm of his heartbeat thudding in his ears. If he tries hard enough, focuses enough, he can hear yours too, but it makes his stomach twist with an uncomfortable, unnameable feeling. 
In your bundle of things that you brought, there’s an empty plastic cup, and you use it to scoop water from the tub and rinse the foam from his hair. Veritas feels wholly exposed, for obvious reasons among others, and the urge to kick you out still sits heavy in his chest. Right next to it is a warmth, though, something holding his sensibility hostage, something that finds this more comforting than it would be if he’d sat in the bath until the water went cold, all alone, without your hands washing his hair clean of oil and grime and the weight of his research. 
You break him of his reverie, but the sudden sound of your voice isn’t as intrusive as he anticipated. “You know, you should start using this oil thing for your hair, I got it from one of my coworkers,” by now, his hair is completely rid of any remaining shampoo, and your hands are rubbing a thin layer of conditioner into the ends of each strand, “and it’s supposed to help your hair grow. I think you’d look great with long hair, Veritas, don’t you agree?” 
“What, do you think about that often?” It’s supposed to be something snarky, something to shut you down before you dig too deep, but you never catch the hint—it’s your best and worst quality. 
“Maybe,” you admit, heft in your words, a density that needs to be cut open and examined. He’s good at that—good at looking and prying, but he’s the worst if he’s next to you. You’re nowhere near as thorough of a researcher as him, but he thinks (with a sense of embarrassment) that when the subject is him, you’re the most qualified person around. “Wouldn’t it be nice? With your hair all down to your shoulders, maybe. And if you really think it’s a hassle to take care of, I’ll just do it for you.” 
He’s perfectly capable of taking care of his own hair, thank you very much, but the idea of having you wash it for him, brush out the tangles in it every other day is appealing to a starving man like Veritas. He aches, and the skin at the nape of his neck itches. 
“You’re saying nonsense,” he says, and he can feel the way his brow has tightened and he instinctively goes to chew at the dead skin on his lips. “My hair is perfectly fine the way it is.” 
“Oh, I don’t doubt that,” you respond, “just giving you options.” Your hands finally leave his hair, and suddenly the water in the bathtub feels frigid and icy, and Veritas represses a shiver. “Your hair is squeaky clean. Now, get out of the bathroom! It’s my turn to hang out with the rubber duck.” 
“Would you—?!” Veritas turns to glare at you, but the impish grin on his face makes him falter. You’re incorrigible. “The duck isn’t mine! And you have your own bathroom. Stop invading my space.” 
“Sigh,” you say aloud, because you’re corny and theatrics are written into every part of your personality. “Oh, grandest Ratio, I really did think we were friends, but you wound me so deeply! All this time has meant nothing to you! All this new shampoo that I bought just for you, gone to waste…” 
“For gods’ sake,” he mutters, reaching for a set of pajamas that you’d so conveniently taken from his own dressers and brought with you while on your mission to wash his hair. “Turn around so I can get dressed and then you can use the bathroom. So annoying.” 
“Not annoying enough to kick me out, though,” you say, and you’re completely right, and Veritas will admit that one day, but certainly not today.
—°+..。゚。゚+.*.。.—
gen taglist: @tragedy-of-commons @lasiancunin @hanyi-writes
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linus-lucy · 11 hours
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So i literally haven't written fic in like 15 years, so im not sure what happened here. Sorry if it's horrible but i have to get it out my head, so to tumblr.com it goes. (No beta, written on my phone at work so it may be a little rough)
Chimney/Eddie - kind of platonic, kind of not? Set 5B, post madney return to LA/break up, pre-jonah.
"You miss kissing?"
Chimney abandons the baseball game TV, his head swinging over to stare at Eddie. "I'm sorry?"
Eddie keeps his gaze forward, but it's obvious the game isn't his focus as he picks at the label on his beer bottle. "Kissing," he says again with a shrug. "I know the issues Shannon and I had are completely different than you and Maddie. But I remember when she first left . . . Sex complicates things, but kissing was an easy way to feel close to someone."
Chimney thinks of rolling over in the early morning hours, his body reaching out to place a gentle kiss and curl around someone who wasn't there. "Can't say I've thought abut it that much . . . But, yeah, I do. Any reason you're sharing that particular thought with me?"
Eddie shrugs. "I don't know. Therapy was a bitch today. Frank's was poking at the my time after I was discharged. Got me thinking." There's a silence - though not an uncomfortable one - as Eddie gathers his thoughts. "I don't want to be in a relationship right now. I'm not in any place to be in one. But I miss being close to someone like that."
Chimney gazes at his friend, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Me, too. How do you feel about some platonic making out?"
Eddie finally looks at him, an eyebrow raised in challenge. It's not full force Diaz-sass, but he's looking more like himself than when Chimney first saw him after getting back to LA.
"I don't know, man. Think you can manage not to fall in love with me?"
"You wish Diaz," he says with a grin and leans in to meet Eddie over the empty pizza box.
It all feels very high school - not terribly romantic, but also fun and a little messy. When Chimney leaves later that night with kiss swollen lips and slight stubble burn he can't help but feel bit lighter. He's also looking forward to the game next week.
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possamble · 11 days
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realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille
#possramble#ignore this im just babbling but#the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel#and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession#platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together#like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married#convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist#but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain#like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just#the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends#the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me#like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed#the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk#people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!!#but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out#don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck.#i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing.#she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it#and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not.#she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over#like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics#and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with#they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic#it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out#like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched#love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it#anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me#it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3#it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.
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bmpmp3 · 16 days
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why does everything i get really into always end up being so god damn niche. by the year 2035 i am going to be blogging exclusively about the interpersonal relationships between the pillbugs and snails hiding underneath the bricks lining the flowerbeds in my parent's garden.
#im falling hard into the virvox guys rn sowwy. i like em a lot hee hee. i didnt realize just how small the fanbase for em was tho#actually i didnt realize how small the company that makes them were either. i got so used to the yamahas and cryptons of the vsynth world#that i forgot that like honestly. a lot of the voicebank makers and some of the software makers themselves#theyre like companies of like barely 10 employees with like no funding LOL not a bad thing but i forgor#but yeah i was looking up to see if there was like. a fanon reason why people shipped takehiro and ryusei? not judging because i get it#i like took one look at the virvox guys and immediately slotted them as a very strange boyband (a catboy and a middle aged dragon man....)#and also took a second look at takehiro and ryusei and assumed they were childhood friends. i saw the doujin flash before my eyes#but also looking into it it seems the fanbase is also like. 20 people. and like 3 of them ship that#and at least one person ships whiteCUL and ryusei? why not LOL when it comes to vsynths sometimes a ship can be spearheaded by like#one very prolific artist HGDJKDFSHDJK which actually reminds me. honestly i dont really have many vsynth ships#i guess i dont really partake in a lot of shipping stuff deeply but i like romance!! you know i like love stories. you know this#i mean i keep calling the eclipsed sounds characters the celestial polycule for a reason tho. im not joking around about this#this is serious to me. they are stars and moons and suns and together they hang out and kiss. in the sky. this is serious to me#also i do like solaria x eleanor forte actually. its a bit random but i understand it. i understand it#and of course the aformentioned takehiro x ryusei. and also the whole virvox polycule. get that old man in here too#(what do they call people like me. a multishipper? i do that a lot. you know this from my otome game fanart LOL)#OH and i dont remember either of their names rn but i like that the cevio bank anju inami voiced has like a big fat crush on like#that girl with the brown hair. i like that theyre like. besties (turning into something more wink wonk)#thinks with all my brain. i think thats it. i dont know why theres so little. i think its because i think of them as like#audio sample libraries first and foremost and i forget about their characters and relationships LOL#but im not against the idea of making some audio sample libraries kiss...... not at all#picks up a guitar sampler and a sound effect cd. presses them together.#hee hee. they kiss
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transxfiles · 4 months
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one of my top 10 hobbies has to be getting added to a large group chat and then people forgetting i am there.
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saeshiraw · 8 months
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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opens-up-4-nobody · 3 months
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...
#tfw youre hanging out with friends and u throw out controversial take after controversial take#like its me hi im the hater its me#u wanna hear them? i mean thrm in in like the silliest way possible. its not that serious lol#i hated h4n solo growing up and still do. i dont think i like the writing of ne1l gaim4n and only liked the 1st season of g0od 0mens#i thought the 1st season of 0ur flag was fine and didnt really like the 2nd. i dont think anyone in l0rd of the rings is hot. especially#not 4aragon. leg0las is like whatever. sam is my favorite character. i also didnt like l0rd of the rings when i 1st watched it#the gathering was a watch party for that 1st movie and i like it way more now lol. also i dont like overt romance. i like the implication#of romance. if u kiss onscreen im like 99% of thr time not interested. also while im being a hater. i dont thibk steven king is a good#writer and domt like his books. i like the idea of them. wish they were written by anyone else lol. also im too dyslex1c to read physical#books :-( which no one vibes with bc everyone's a grad student overachiever lol. and back to back it all sounds like im trying to b#contrary but i promise its maybe just that i have weird standards. like i also hated movies about animals growing up. it made me mad that#those movies were trying to manipulate my feelings. like jesus child chill tf out. i would also randomly decide i hated lots of things and#characters. some of which i stand by today but most of which im like lol chill#so idk maybe i just have bad opinions. i also wander the earth wearing outfits that i pick out bc it feels like im playing dressup#and i have unhinged options abt narut0. sas and naru fall into the 1% of kisses i care abt lmao#and unhinged options abt bleach the show. idk maybe im just kinda weird. i also study organisms that most ppl look at as globs of goo#and i used to study bits of dirt. my brain was just build ever so slightly weird. not too weird. just enough that i have quote unquote#controversial takes ans im not afraid to say them in a room full of ppl who disagree with me bc its really not that serious lol#i dunno i just think its kinda funny i guess#im just slightly weird in the least interesting way possible#unrelated#also i don't yuvk other ppls yum im just like ay not for me i guess
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mejomonster · 3 months
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I would like. To be in mutual love
#rant#yeah...#...........................................................................................................................................#look its like this. im chronically ill. i know its not totally up to me i cant go out 1-3 times a week trying ro meet ppl. i know i#cant even eat some days my tummy too upset. cant work some days cant even sit up. can barely keep up witj friends i already have#and i know the being drained wont get better. i might be this sick forever. and i know im prioritizing my own art over#meetjng strangers. thats a choice. i know its my own fault im lonely. i also just. i wanna build a relationship#that long term where u meet and become friends then best friends then fall in love and hey if ur lucky marry ur best friend#and i know that wont come from forcing myself on dates w ppl i dont like. i know no ones ever liked me before#i know i havent felt attraction in years anyway. i miss having a crush. but i suppose itd be sad anyway. to crush and not be liked back#to feel ill need to wait another 5 years for another rare crush. i dont believe in fate i dont think. so i might not ever#kiss someoje i like. i might not get lucky and hold a crushs hand. spend months or years with someone like that#i just. i hate so much romance isnt like skills. i cant just date 1x a week until i run into love#i cant even find 1 person a month to crush on let alone ask out. cause the feelings are luck too#luck of who u run into even if u go tl events. even wuen i had 10k tinder matches the only date#the only person who respjded. was someone with a gf who didnt have much in common with me and me not mucj w them and it#was just not enough click to even make a friend#god it makes me sad. id like to kiss someone special. hold their hand. hear em talk hours#i have friends and love em but i dont wanna kiss a friend. i just dont feel romancy very much.
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bluejaybytes · 1 month
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@snowshinobi Hiiiii :3 I'm responding to your tags on a new post and not the original since the original was already somewhat lengthy, and I plan on being LONG and RAMBLY, but I have sooo many thoughts on what you said and I'm going to say them. Also my browser crashed TWICE (TWO TIMES. 2) when trying to write this post so I'm really fighting for my life out here to get my silly little OC posts done. Also it's under the cut because it's looooong as hell LMAO
Firstly, you're so nice to me forever <3 Secondly, I think you've basically hit the nail on the head. The majority of the issues Maggie has coming back from death and her 9 years gone are really tied almost exclusively to her close family, because she... never really had anyone else. While in-universe it's only 9 years, realistically the jump in technology and culture is around ~20-30 years (Maggie died in the 90s/early 2000s essentially, and wakes up in a just barely futuristic city), but... the most jarring thing to her in terms of what she missed out on is just. Flipphones are no longer popular. Other than her family, she's only close with one other person... who just so happens to be a ghost, and therefore both 1. Wouldn't change much over the timespan due to how long she's been a ghost and 2. Unlike her family, was aware that something happened, since she could see the ghost-of-a-ghost Maggie left behind (The ghosts name is Opal, she positions herself as a sort of "guardian angel" figure, though she's not actually, and serves as just another parental figure for Maggie while also getting after the ghosts that constantly harass her to pass on messages to the living). Maggie has no real relationships outside of her family, and while her relationships with her family are massively impacted by her unknowing death, other than that... the timeskip itself doesn't weigh on her because she had no one regardless. Her struggle to adjust to everything thats happened would've happened regardless of the timeskip for her, because she was such an isolated shut-in that it's the same whether it happened the next day, or nearly a full decade later
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So another very interesting thing is that you've actually completely seen where I was going with everything, in spite of everything I said being very surface level and not actually delving into the plot at all. I completely skimmed over Jenna (She's very important to the plot, but she's by in large a regular person as opposed to Maggie's... everything), but for some additional context, Jenna has a horrendously shitty homelife, so her moving in with Maggie is both a gradual process (It goes from spending time there, to spending nights, to eventually just never going back home and moving in fully), and also serves as an escape for her. Part of that is also, so vitally, the food aspect. For some additional additional context, souls essentially serve as a persons lifeforce, practically every bodily function is improved by a soul that's stronger, though the "strength" of a soul is essentially entirely random, and not dependent on the individuals actions of any kind. Maggie had a generally weird soul before (Seeing ghosts inherently means she has to have something going on with her soul), but when she wakes up after her death, her soul is now even weirder, and part of that is that it essentially lets her get away with bad habits she absolutely should be seeing more consequences for. She barely eats, and when she does, it's basically exclusively crackers and whatever other safe foods she has around the house, because actually making food is a level of care and effort she just... doesn't give to herself in the slightest. Part of Jenna staying with her is that Jenna, without really discussing it, entirely takes up the mantle of caretaker of the apartment, with the biggest task being food prep, Jenna sees Maggie's unwillingness to take care of herself and silently steps up and starts making her actual meals so she's eating properly.
The problem is is that this also kinda... just straight up sucks? Jenna doesn't think much of it, it's something that needed to be done so she's doing it, she wants Maggie to be well fed even if she won't do it herself, and she's already been responsible for making all of her own meals for years prior anyways, so it's just another thing she does. Except that's shitty! Maggie's seen firsthand how terrible her homelife is, and it really weighs on her how even in her escape from that, Jenna's still being put in a position where she feels like she must care for her or else she just won't eat properly. So food is such a massively important thing to both of them, it's this symbol of love for both of them, it's love on the part of Jenna, for stepping in and taking care of Maggie when she can't do it herself, and it's love on the part of Maggie, for realizing how her own bad habits impact the people she cares about and wanting to lift that weight by taking care of herself better. It's also very vital for Maggie because she just... doesn't... have hobbies. Learning how to cook becomes really her only hobby and she puts all of her love and care into it, because for the first time in a long while she's actually passionate about something! ...Unfortunately she also is very very bad at it. She's inventing new dishes like "Burnt Salad" and "Please Help I Fucked Up Kraft Mac N Cheese" and still having to have Jenna come in and help her. But it's the thought that counts, and it'll only be a matter of time before she can make something vaguely edible.
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And finally, the stuff about names! I didn't post it here, but while idly talking about her in a Discord server I'm in, I definitely think that had I made Maggie like even a few months later than I would've done she would've been nonbinary. As it stands right now though, I'm saying she's probably some form of genderweird but too busy trying not to die to think about it <3 Growing up knowing that ghosts are real and routinely being shut down by authority figures in her life about it has made her very aware of how bullshit a lot of things are and how the people who claim to be knowledgeable tend to not know what they're talking about (Beyond just the "people don't think ghosts are real", she's also got ghosts willing to tell her when people are lying because they've got nothing better to do than just gossip) , so if she spent even just a moment thinking about gender as a social construct she'd instantly recognize that and probably take up some form of genderweird label, but as it stands she's just too stressed with Being The Protagonist to think about that
Now, the thing with Margaret. I'm not even going to lie to you, I think you made a better connection to how a name connects with community in terms of the narrative themes than I did. The thing with Margaret denying the name "Maggie" existed for two reasons, the in-universe explanation is that, with the little scrap of soul Margaret has leftover from Maggie, it's essentially working overtime just to keep her vitals working, it can't dedicate time and energy to making her an individual with preferences and a personality, so part of that is that she doesn't respond to "Maggie" because ultimately, that is not her name. Her name is Margaret and she's not going to respond to "Maggie" because "Maggie" isn't her name. Of course, out of universe the reasoning is that I wanted an easy way to distinguish between Maggie as she is the protagonist, and the version of her that lived in the years she was gone, so different names makes the most sense.
I think your connection to how name relates to community genuinely works on a level I hadn't fully pieced together myself yet and I really love that because I think that absolutely works with everything. One of the main conflicts of the plot is how Maggie is entirely disconnected from her family thanks to the years she was gone, with Margaret having no priorities beyond "survive", she basically never spoke with her parents or brother for years. While her family tried to reach out to her repeatedly (Especially given that, while they're unaware the truth of what happened the night Maggie was murdered, they do know something happened, and they believe that whatever it was severely traumatized her, and that's where the sudden and drastic shift in personality came from), there's a point where they just... gave up. She wasn't trying to talk with them or contact them in the slightest, so around a year or two after Margaret moved out, her parents gave up on her. Her brother would still be there a bit, but he also didn't really... try... anymore.
When Maggie wakes up, she tries to call her parents... and they don't pick up. They'd grown resentful over the years, and now that Maggie wants to talk to them, they don't forgive her for the years of not speaking to them, and aren't interested in whatever she has to say after nearly a decade of trying to reconnect with her and being met with nothing. It's her insistence that she wants to be called Maggie that actually gets her brother to realize she's telling the truth and that something happened. She shows up at his door, already something that Margaret wouldn't have done, and that combined with her being visibly upset when he calls her Margaret and tells him that's not her and that she's Maggie, it signals to him that whatever's going on is real (...though he would've figured this out eventually, given that she also literally 17 again and not in her mid-20s, and has a giant glowing stab wound in her chest). I think it works absolutely perfectly as being a symbol of community, her disconnect from her community is what led to her being called Margaret, and her desperation to be returned to that community is when she's Maggie again. So uh. Congrats on getting the themes of my OCs better than I did <3
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And uhhhh closing thoughts! I honestly did still skim over the majority of the plot (Literally never even mentioned Eli or what's going on with her stab wound </3), but I think you reeeeally hit the nail on the head with everything I'm kinda getting at with these OCs, which is... frankly wild given how little main plot I actually got at. Basically everything I mentioned in my original post was the setup, not the main plot. But waaaaugh thank you for being so niceys to me and also giving me another excuse to ramble endlessly <3
#my OCs#uhhh MAGGIE FUN FACTS:#Animals can tell when a soul is weird so she has a colony of stray cats that hang around her apartment door#she doesnt even LIKE animals that much (She barely takes care of HERSELF shes not taking care of any animals.)#but they all like her weirdass soul and keep hanging around because of it#When the plot ends she gives one of the stray cats to her parents as a 'sorry i died' gift#The cats name is Marge- named by Jenna and also specifically its 'Marge' said in a Simpsons impression. any Simpson#It's Jennas FAVORITE cat out of the strays bc she says she looks like Maggie. also Marge is a male cat#Neither Jenna nor Maggie know how to tell the difference between a male and female cat reliably so they assume Marge is female- hes not#Also Eli's the closest to the 'main antagonist' the story gets. hes an old coworker of Margarets and basically her only friend#and Maggie's too scared with her whole 'is actively dying' thing and doesnt know how to tell him 'hey im not your friend- she died'#ELI thinks that Margaret is essentially have some sort of extreme mental breakdown and is trying to get her help bc he cares about her-#-unaware that Maggie is essentially a different person and doesnt know him#anyways uhhhh Maggie attempts to beat him to death with her laptop once. sorry Eli. luckily shes 17 and scrawny as fuck-#-so he's able to throw her off of him but its still. BAD#Maggie's got INSANE insomnia for a large variety of reasons- and falls asleep on the floor one night while on her laptop#Eli- having gotten off work late and going to check on Margaret- who hasnt shown up to work in weeks and isnt answering her phone#-spots Maggie passed out on the floor and assumes shes having some sort of medical emergency#Margaret had left her spare keys at work which he'd grabbed- so he lets himself in to get her to a hospital#Only for Maggie to wake up. With a strange man in her apartment in the middle of the night. Wuh Oh !#THIS time however- when she's home alone (shes not alone Jenna's asleep in the other room) and she spots a stranger in her house-#-she ends up with a fight reaction and NOT freeze <3#also her full name is Margaret Elisabeth Newell and her brothers name is Hawke#one of the very few times i will give my OC a full name- and entirely bc my friend suggested her last name LMAO#also she believes in bigfoot. GHOSTS are real and theyre WAY less believable than 'big ape' so she fully believes it#Opal keeps trying to tell her no that ones ACTUALLY not real and shes like uh huh. sure. ill believe it when i see it
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skrunksthatwunk · 7 days
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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?
#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now#sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him#no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my#best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh#he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to#say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am#and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him#and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken#but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him#and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not#like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her#and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all#the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess#like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.
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get-more-bald · 4 months
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the thing is that I'm constantly in a fandom mood to distract myself from everything. but when I fall out of that mood I just think I'm worthless for not having a personality beyond chronically online idiot.
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girl-bateman · 5 months
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Crazy how many kids grow up afraid that someone else will find out abt their parents substance abuse issues when it is something that literally affects 1 in 8 families.
Crazy how many kids grow up feeling lonely and misunderstood while there are likely several other kids in their class going through the same thing.
Crazy how many kids grow up isolating themselves and lying to others for the protection and comfort of parents whose job it should be to protect them.
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wickershells · 6 months
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#i just dont really know what to do. my friends never express concern for me and they never tell me they love me without overt irony or some#watering down of the sentence. they never reach out when i need them and everything they say is so detached and distant and cold#and maybe im just in my head again maybe its getting to the time of year when my life routinely falls apart moreso than all the other month#but i feel so abandoned all the time. and stupid. and unloveable. my friend once told me that her love for me would erode#whenever i vanished for mental health reasons so i stopped vanishing and started instead pushing through the illness and opening up more to#her but it was too much for her to handle and all my baggage almost ended our friendship so here i am vanishing again except this time with#the debilitating knowledge that every day she loves me less and less and less. if i am not there she stops loving me and if i am she stops#loving me. what do i do. my illness takes everything from me every damn thing. she wont call me but she bought a ticket to see me in januar#and i cant reconcile it. shes visiting her girlfriend and its the same price to come over here too so i guess why not. its not really#for me. we dont have plans to do anything for my birthday and i doubt she will offer and i dont want to be the one to do so like last year#i want someone to love me without me asking them to. i want to be able to trust people without having it broken. i want to feel like an#equal and not so inferior all the time. i'm not her best friend anymore. she doesnt tell me personal things she doesnt share everything#she used to with me. i try and try to start doing the things we used to but she doesnt do them. i shared my location again but she didnt#share hers. so i stopped again and she didnt even ask me why. she has not asked if im okay in weeks. if i vanished forever i dont think#she would even notice. i cant see her mourning the loss of me. i dont think i matter that much to her. and it is so painful#with both of my best friends i watch them gladly do things with other people and never do things with me unless i beg. i am constantly#excluded from their lives i am the outsider friend. and it is so damn lonely. and every time i'm presented w the opportunity to make new#friends i'm paralysed w fear because how many times have i lost people. i'm either too little or too much or both at once. constantly absen#or constantly sad and it's poisonous i feel poisonous. i'm not fit for community despite how desperate i am for it i just feel perpetually#undeserving. and so stupid and unsuccessful in comparison to them. i'm too much effort to be around and i get why i really do#even this it's just so much heaviness all the time i am such a burden. they just don't love me as much anymore. love lost#added to my family baggage and my dead childhood dog and the nothingness of my future i just can't see myself continuing i don't know what#to do. my parents don't support me my friends are never there the nhs is a joke i am actually genuinely alone lol#what if i can't recover. some people are destined not to. what if that's me. what if i am never happy. i'm never going to accomplish#anything i'm stuck here. stagnant and unmoving. the most disposable and useless person alive#sorry. will delete later as usual. but for reasons stated above i have nowhere else to put these thoughts#and i am drowning in them#vent
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bylertruther · 2 years
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thinking about how lonnie only ever cared about will when he died and that was just to profit off of his death + will giving a girl he doesn't know his toy truck just because she's crying and he thinks she needs it more even if he knows joyce can't buy him another one + one of the very first things will did upon waking up in the hospital was ask if jonathan was okay + will telling them to close the gate in season two even though he's part of the hivemind and that would've killed him, too + will breaking his own heart by confessing his feelings and giving mike the painting he's spent so long on but saying that all of it came from el thus sacrificing his own wants and self to again help others + how that same selflessness and self-sacrificing nature of his is going to undoubtedly rear its head in season five again because he's at the center of it all and it all goes back to him and vecna is a creature that feeds off of n fans the flames of pain and guilt... feelin very scared n anxious in this chili's tonight over this actually 😳
#he is NOT going to die obviously clearly we know this they're not killing kids#BUT.#i'm just saying.... i don't think it would be crazy for him to feel guilty and like maybe this wouldn't have happened if...#well... u kno.. :(#he would never give up bc that's literally his whole thing that he's a fighter and a survivor#but. he does love his friends and his family. and he has been willing to die if it meant saving them before so like. yanno.#BUT IT WON'T HAPPEN I'M JUST SAYING THE ANGST IS LIKELY GOING TO BE THERE#AND THEN OFC EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY WILLIAM SHUT UP SIT DOWN AND GO TO TIME OUT#and then we'll get some good n scrumptious hurt/comfort ok no one stone me i'm knocking on wood ok i Kno#just imagine will proposing that and everyone immediately says NO and mike especially gets pissed#because he's SICK and TIRED of fucking losing will every single time he thinks he's got him back#and god dammit he's already seen what life is like without will there he's not going to do it again he's NOT#don't go where i can't follow + crazy together + it was the best thing i've ever done + it's hawkins it's not the same without you#versus closegate + el commissioned it + she needs you and she always will#mike who is clutching onto will for dear life unwilling to let him go and will who is all too willing to#walk through the gates of hell if it means saving everyone he's ever loved and putting them out of their misery#but of course there's a better plan and letting will die is like killing a puppy it's like taking a sledgehammer to the foundation of#everything yanno. without heart we'd all fall apart n u can't beat the darkness without the light#anyway. can u tell i'm procrastinating editing my fic rn n thats why im writing epic poems in these tags <3#mine
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oatbugs · 2 years
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found a bunch of old voice memos and this is the first time i've listened to my own voice and thought yeah it makes so much sense that people have loved this person . woah
#personal#i was singing a song under another song (saw my wings with the bodies in the gutter). there is someone else and i cant#recognise their voice . i think maybe i was drunk and maybe so were they . i have no idea who they are but their voice is so pretty.#i ask them if theyre ok and they ask if im sure im okay with this. and then they say see you soon and theres the sound of the door.#theres the voice of someone else after this too. they say listening to chase atlantic feels like sex . i have no idea who this person is.#this file is full of strings rising and falling. reverb of a massive space. some symphony inside interrupted by another symphony.#i remember laying on the floor of the orchestra hall to listen and to hide. i remember laying my hand on the floor and thinking i could#recognise this piece just by the way the ground vibrates.#i've been thinking a lot about mereology. sorry for not talking about nihilism the past week - everyone around me has been falling apart.#this month i have watched others be stricken by grief. the other side of the equation. one day i will create a poem about the way holes are#one whole part. the way disconnects are connected to the fabric of absence. (i saw your guts without the skin attached)#i could hear how in love i was when i asked the unknown voice if they would like some water. i blew out the candles and one stayed lit.#you don't need to tell me. forever and ever. strictly fall for academics and people with a passion. asked my mathematician about manifolds#and he asked me about his hair. i will wake up tomorrow if only it is to spend half an hour making tea. the concept of going to my country#is an oncoming train with a minute's delay. i told them i want to be their friend and they told me theyd like to meet up soon#and test how deep they can bite like good friends do. do you feel ashamed of my degree? do you feel ashamed of#your dry lips? skull fast-tracked to the floor. i have a jar of hand-picked dried damask roses for tea. ill tell you about k-theory until#you shut me up.
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lunarhoneybunny · 9 months
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sighs. okay tmi posting sorry guys
#lunar bunny chatter#my horniness has been fluctuating the last day or so and it's definitely because of my period. this morning was crazy#i went to some DMs to listen to an audio message i got and i just died again and thought about some stuff which led me back onto tumblr#and i just went to look at some text posts and now that i look back. dude i have such an atrocious daddy/mommy kink it's actually funny#i mean. i really like the idea of being an appealing figure and my criteria for who i call daddy is so specific. there's just two people#that fall into that category but i don't like the other person as much as the other one. hi sorry for being gay i need this off of my chest#also hanging out with some friends and im so bad at comebacks and all that. how the fuck am i gonna top without stuttering and fumbling#and forgetting words.... that's my biggest worry. it doesn't help that i get super chatty when nervous but maybe i can work it in my favor#i wanna try out the title stuff just to test the waters before going absolutely ham. maybe as a cute joke i'll go “oh sure w/e u say daddy”#“lol haha” but it just seems real fun. i think it's hot too but. yeah it's a lot to unpack ahaha.#i still have a lot of guilt for talking dirty and being more brave when talking but that's just because i always felt like i didn't have...#the right to explore that especially when a lot of people i knew back then thought of me as “pure and innocent girl” and like. yeah fuck no#this was a really meandering ramble but my point: “daddy hot mommy hot i wanna explore that and im also nervous about stuff”#i do genuinely enjoy when i get in the mood though especially with someone i trust and like. click with? i hope that isn't too much to say#but it feels very natural and i don't have to force or hide anything. i just need a bit more confidence ahaha#that's all the rambling i got in me im gonna listen to some classic music from latin artists because im silly and mildly sentimental rn.
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