#i think of teenager me and how he thought i wouldnt make it this far... and when i think about my future and how i wont be able to make it.

[vanyafresita]

why can't a boy take a break from the horrors ? oh, must i always suffer this way ? is there no end to this madness ?

[cator99]

I love making phone calls I love sending emails and being overall pleasant to interact with I love looking for solutions and being eager to understand how the world around me operates and to ask people about the role they play in this beautiful world I love being able to tell that other people are excited for any reason at all to strut their shit in this way and I always take notes on how they do it. It's all so funny to me. I am doing this because I am an insane person. I am the best person for the job. I am like the inverse of Jude St Francis. Born in a wet cardboard box doomed fucked in the head and forced to make an accommodation with life BUT I think its cunty and will commit awesomely violent ritual seppuku when my life is at its absolute peak. But yeah I dont get anxiety anymore if I dont like something it I can just thank them for their time and then find a way to leave and literally do anything else no one really cares as long as you do it right and you know like you can just keep looking for better things you literally never know you might turn out to be really passionate about fish mongering and didnt even consider it and it's not always easy but if the alternative is unbearable then fuck it pack a bag and stick your thumb out on the highway and spend 2 hours chatting about life with a fat 60 year old semi truck driver with photos of his happy fatty family plastered over the entirety of his dashboard and who was concerned why some kid was wandering the highway without a jacket and is nothing but totally kind and appropriate towards you which you kind of didnt expect when you hit the road but then you get to the city and go to an orgy party at some xi/xirs apartment who you met while on a psychiatrist-approved leave to attend an LGBT youth summer camp during the tail end of your 4 month stay at a youth mental health/detention facility but you can't stay there because his 40 year old housemate just announced that he's moving to the states and suddenly wouldnt be contributing to next months rent and didn't want to say anything until the night before when his boxes were being actively moved out of the apartment in order to avoid any sort of confrontation and the resulting altercation is heart breaking this 40 year old workig professional gay dude just absolutely betrayed this screwed up teenaged lesbian with no hesitation but maybe the drug fuelled sex parties had something to do with it but im just there stoned watching some tv show about anthropomorphic fast food and xe really did care about me but this was not the time to be pulling some cutesy whimsical runaway shit so we said our goodbyes and xe gave me directions the youth emergency shelter. As far as I was concerned, I was living the dream. This was just the "hard" part. I broke the high score on the ancient tetris machine at the day-shelter and barely ate anything because they relied entirely on donations and for whatever reason nobody thought to donate anything gluten free. I slept in the girls quarters of the cold shelter we were taken to every night, driven in huge vans by the staff at the day shelter. The girls were primarily quiet and didnt want to talk or even look at anyone. Some of the native girls were chill to play board games or watch tv with though. The guys were real rough. Mostly drug addicts. Mostly violent. They were known for treating each other terribly. I was told I could "use whatever rooms or washrooms that align with your gender identity". I told them I'd rather use the room that made me less likely to have me end up raped or my pillow pissed on.

[sanderchu]

may i request something where wilbur and reader get into like a MASSIVE fight and reader goes to phils house to calm down and for philza to comfort them. and wilbur knowwws he fucked go when phil messaged him “dude what the fuck did you say” but fluff at the end please? (may you please include the argument scene please ❤️❤️). love your writing have a good day!

The text message

Note: I LOVE THIS TO MUCH THAT I MAY HAVE GONE OVERBOARD A BIT IM SO SORRY and I’m this phil is like a father figure to you 👍 (slay philza we love you around here /p) also this is really bad-

Reader: Fem!reader

[Writing] or hcs

Writing with a slight twist on the fight reason?

Type: angst, fluff (I made the fluff slightly different)

Warnings: yelling, angy Wilbur 🥺🥺🥺 (I’m so sorry-), drunk Wilbur, bad writing cause I had no ideas

Y/n’s pov

Wilbur had just gotten home. You sat there on the couch almost crying until you saw him. He was drunk, a rare sight. Thankfully he didn’t look like he drank that much. “Where have you been?!” It wasn’t late but you still were curious. You walked up to him as he just stood there with shock, “I was out obviously” he sounded like a moody teenager. “I was calling you!” You almost screamed as you showed him the amount of missed calls and unread texts you left him with no response. “Cant I have some funnnn? I’m an adult stop treating me like a kid”, “well your acting like one” he looked at you clearly mad at your comment. “Then stop treating me like I’m your kid, I’m your boyfriend”

“A boyfriend wouldn’t act like this.” He looked offended at you basically calling him just a person you live with. “I don’t understand what your trying to pull but you need to cut it out”, “ME?!” You snapped, his moody self was cutting it with you, “YOUR THE ONE DRINKING WITHOUT ME KNOWING WHERE YOU WERE FOR HOURS WILL, HOURS.”, “WHY ARE YOU SO WORRIED FOR ME LEAVE ME ALONE.” Tears started to form. ‘Out of all off the days why today?’ You thought suddenly feeling the tears actually come down your face. “Well go ahead and cry like you always do.” You wiped your face and got closer to him, “YOU WANNA KNOW WHY IVE BEEN WONDERING WHERE YOU WERE?!”

“PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME Y/N WHATS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAD TO BE SO WORRIED MAYBE IM NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND BECAUSE A GIRLFRIEND WOULDNT TREAT ME LIKE A MOM”, “I WASNT WORRIED DIPSHIT” without thinking you pushed him back slightly making him stumble as he tried to keep his balance. “I WAS WONDERING WHERE YOU WERE FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY, ITS OUR ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME” he immediately looked at you with sad and empty eyes. “Y/n..”, “at least someone actually remember” you said as you grabbed your keys from the hook and quickly put your shoes on. You opened the door and before you left, “I hope you enjoy your gift.” You said trying to sound stem without sounding like your crying and slammed the door.

Phil texted you happy anniversary to you and will, he was happy for you both, so you went to him. You drove slowly trying not to crash, thankfully Wilbur’s house wasn’t far from Phil’s so we got there pretty fast. You parked, stepped out, and knocked on his door. Phil and mumza answered it. “Y/n?..” You just stood there as they both looked at you as you held back from balling your eyes out on there porch. Mumza immediately let you in as Phil shut the door and followed behind you. You began to explain everything choking on your words once in a while as you tried not to sound so muffled. Phil excused himself as mumza had all her attention on you.

P: what the fuck did you do.

W: Phil.

P: answer the fucking question.

W: i didnt mean to I just forgot.

P: bullshit you know better, you fucked up and you better fix it.

Wilburs pov

Wilbur paced around his room looking at phils text. He was going to reply but just left it as is and sat on his bed. He knew he fucked up, but he had one idea. And if that didn’t work he wouldn’t know what would. He dialed your number..

“This is y/n, leave a message or a text would be better, *beep*”

“Hey y/n..” he choked on his words for a second, “I know this shouldn’t be the best why to apologize but, I’m really sorry. I know I fucked up and I know what I said was dumb, I’m happy to have a girlfriend like you and it means the world to me to have our first anniversary. Man..” he chuckled, “the day you dated me I wasn’t a jerk like this, I don’t know what came over me, stress? Personal issues? I don’t know but you definitely didn’t deserve that, I’m so sorry. Please come home, I can make it up in any way you want I promise. Just give me another chance darling..please..” he took a big sigh, “I love you..darling.” And with that he hung up the phone and laid in his bed having tears form and silently crying as he covered his mouth with his sleeve. “Y/n..”

Y/n’s pov

You listened to the voicemail as you laid on Phil’s couch. You feel tears come down your face again as you covered your own mouth with the blanket to prevent anyone hearing you. As the voicemail ended you watched your screen fade to black from not touching it. You picked up your phone and sat up, “will..” you opens messages and began to text him.

“I haven’t fully forgave you but I can never stay fully mad at you. I’ll come home tomorrow, we can talk about it tomorrow together..I love you too willam. I miss you <33”

You turned off your phone with a smile as more tears fell from your face, “I love you too..”

——————————————————————

A/n: i ended this on a sorta fluff end, it’s not good ik- I had no plans for it and winged it- it’s bad Ik- uh anyways- there we go :,) sorry again. I really do doubt myself- a bunch- I might re do this I’m going to be honest- unless ppl like it then I probably won’t.

[chiroptaro]

Hey! Who are your top 3 action webtoon characters (doesn't have to include main character) and why?

gives u a big hug when i saw this ask i yelled out loud ty SM for asking . i had to think long and hard about this one bc honestly there are SO many amazing characters to choose from augh!!! okok im gonna put it under a read more bc i went a little overboard my bad 🤧

slight spoilers(?) for viral hit, teenage mercenary

3. kayden from eleceed!!!! okay first of all shoutout to casein nitrate for being the funniest fuckin concept ive ever read in a webtoon oh my GOD. when he was in human form for the first time in front of the gang and ilhyuk and was like "why arent they giving me treats.." I WAS ROLLING OH MY GODDD. THE WAY HE INTERACTS W PEOPLE IN HIS CAT FORM IS HYSTERICAL. anyways as a character i rlly rlly like him because of how much he. cares about jiwoo like that's LITERALLY his son that's his little boy the found families in eleceed have me sobbing all day theyre so important to me. i also like him because of HOW STRONG HE IS?? LIKE HE'S SO YOUNG BUT HE'S RESPECTED BY EVERY AWAKENED BC OF HIS STRENGTH LIKE OMG. also he is so so gender im so jealous of him and kartein UGH. speaking of kartein him and kartein's relationship is great to me bc they bring out dif sides of each other that r super cool to see !! also theyre hilarious together . kayden's funny and he looks cool AND he kicks ass AND HE'S A GRUMPY DAD FIGURE like it does not get any better than this.

2. ijin from teenage mercenary/mercenary enrollment !!!! this one is my fav webtoon of all time 💓💓 i adore ijin because like...even after all he's been through and how grim and immovable his life has made him, he's still so so gentle with his grandfather and little sister. he loves his family so so much and it makes me ILL. speaking of his family i adore just how many families he HAS like he has the numbers, major kang and all them (his relationship w them has me absolutely dead on the floor the amount of rants ive gone on abt them is frankly worrying), dusik cha n his right hand man, and ofc his grandpa and dayeon!! he's so caring that he creates such strong bonds with so many people and they become irreplaceable in his heart and he would do absolutely anything to protect them. he puts the people he sees as family over EVERYTHING in his life and once a person has become part of his fam he becomes super protective of them <3 an example of that is once he knew that jiyeh was engaged to major kang, who was the first person to really help him understand what family means, he immediately added her to the ppl to be protected and went super far to protect her when she got kidnapped because he knows she's special to major kang!! someone in the comments said "his in-law!!" and that had me sobbing on the floor bc he got so excited and felt like he had to be cool in front of her AUGHH. he's such a sweetheart while also being an incredible and badass fighter and that combo is my fav kind of character 🫶🫶

1. MY ABSOLUTELY FAV IS TAEHUN FROM VIRAL HIT/HOW TO FIGHT. me and my buddy literally rant to each other all the time about him every time he shows up we're kicking our feet twirling our hair giggling.... i haven't finished his backstory arc (im paused at the beginning of it i've had to mentally prepare myself) but i like him bc he's really passionate abt taekwondo and was ready to teach it to hobin even tho he said he would beat the crap out of him the next time he saw him ... imo this was the turning point for them and if hobin hadnt gone to him to learn the back kick taehun wouldnt have become such an integral part of the hobin yu company(lol). i also rlly love that he was determined to start a newtube channel even tho he thought it was embarrassing aughh it was so cute!! also he watches hobin's streams and is visibly super proud of how far he's come and i think thats rlly sweet <33 i also love him bc he's incredibly gender like i wish i was him so so bad the mullet and the style and the LIPGLOSS AND MASCARA AND EYELINER and the snark and the asking for 500 won thing he's so frickin cool im obsessed with him AUGH!!! i just think he's super cool. another reason is bc of how obviously fruity that guy is like oh my god he cannot be normal for 3 seconds every time he's trying to intimidate someone he has to get all up in their personal space like,, be fr. when he first confronted yeonu(?) did u see that pose bruh what was that. every time his fangirls show up in v-hit's chat im like theyre LITERALLY me i could not relate to them more honestly. i made him an entire pinterest board . the entire reason i started reading v-hit was for him bc my friend told me abt how cool he was and i just had to get in on that so,, yaya !!! he exceeded my expectations a thousand times and ilhsm

^ some of my fav taehun scenes altho every single panel he's in has me blushing and giggling 🤭

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

frankenstein from noblesse!! he's so badass and i love his hair and he's so loyal he just. aughh even tho the gang pisses him off sometimes he still cares for them sm

mr na from get schooled/true education!! he cares so so much abt the kids and helping them and he really wants to defend his fiancee and prove that she was right to say all kids can change <3

gerard from weak hero...he is so special to me i love how old man he is. he sleeps in bushes and enjoys slapstick comedy he's just like me fr!!! i just love him soo much smth about these guys who fight w kicks 💓

[facedented]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN. || respond to the prompts out of character!

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have?

uhm well i've been obsessed w/ this band & these characters ( especially 2D ) since i was a wee teenager,,,,,, his muse kinda came out of nowhere after a few years of being quiet & ran me over. he does not have a license.

is there anything you don’t like to write?

well obviously i wont write anything reprehensible or nasty but just like, surface level?? not that i can think of. it depends who / what muses im writing with, too.

is there anything you really enjoy writing?

any opportunity i can get to swim around 2D's head & make him retrospective is always a good time. i love exploring the complex thoughts characters have that we, as an audience, don't really get to see often -- or only catch glimpses of. i like getting messy & philosophical with it. but ofc angst tropes i adore, as well as found family. certain ships with 2D i also wouldnt mind exploring.

how do you come up with headcanons?

a lot of it is lived experience, i think. it'll be like "this character is just like me fr" & then i'll think of ways to make them even MORE like me. it's nice to see yourself represented, even in little ways. but sometimes i'll be inspired by fanfictions, music, tv shows . . . like i listened to an old panic! song & came up with a hc for 2D that way lmao. sometimes i'll just see humans doing human things & relate it to characters. my mind just doesn't shut up tbh

do you write in silence or do you play music?

always music. i feel like i'll pass out if i don't have some kind of sound going on constantly

do you plan your replies or wing them?

9 times out of 10 i'm winging it. sometimes, especially with first time interactions with muses from different fandoms or oc's i do some planning -- just to kind of get a grasp on who the other person is playing & how 2D would interact with them, or how their worlds would intersect. but if i worry too long it just makes me anxious haha so i just try to have fun with it & hope everyone else does, too!

do you enjoy shipping? 

im lowkey kind of reserved with my ships for 2D fjksljflks i only really have two & im not really looking to do shipping rps unless someone mused those characters & felt comfortable, but it's fun to reference his feelings in threads!

what’s your alias/name?

you can call me cal!

age?

24 years young.

birthday?

september 7th! 5 more months.

favorite color?

probably green!

favorite song?

i love music, it changes all the time.

last movie you watched?

a friend of mine showed me the second avatar movie lol

last show you watched?

'baby reindeer' on netflix. chilling.

last song you listened to?

superfast jellyfish -- gorillaz. ( shocker. )

favorite food?

idk man i love to eat but uh. i am always in the mood for chinese food.

favorite season?

fall, by far.

do you have a tumblr best friend?

not atm! most of the gay ppl in my phone are on discord lmao

tagged by : shamelessly stole it

tagging ( only if you want to! ) : @rebelpuff , @manaborn , @poeticvocals , @okoden & @moralpuppet. & anyone else who would like to!

[most-canon-non-canon-ship-poll]

FIVE SEASONS. FIVE FUCKING SEASONS OF THIS STUPID LOVE TRIANGLE?? SQUARE???? WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU CALL IT?????

Why Marichat/Ladynoir/Adrienette/Love Square/Etc is shit - a submission-based essay, part 1/2

Whatever the fuck it's called - a canon (endgame?) het ship from the Miraculous Ladybug fandom between Marinette (Ladybug) Dupain-Chang and Adrien (Chat Noir) Agreste

whatever bad thing you already think about them + the fact that marinette is willingly gonna let adrien think that his abusive terrorist father was a good person and a hero and also kept the fact that adrien isn't human and that if someone got his amok he could literally die

the creators absolute loathing for teenage girls racism towards asian people inability to kill their darlings n concerning disregard for what qualifies as sexual harassment blend together to create this mess of a ship im 18 now but was like 11(?) when it first came out n seriously how the fuck is this show still on with its bullshit solid first season whatever didnt particularly care for the main couple but liked the characters enough to stick around but godddd what the fuck did they do here i havent been caught up since season 3 i think but like thinking back to the first season vs what ive read about the latest ones is something this ship ruins both characters completely involved in it n like with the way a lot of it is handled it makes me concerned for the actual children watching this show if they watch it seriously n not just have it on as background noise if this was like some teen or adult drama i wouldnt care as much but like this is a show for children stop fucking portrayaling stalking (marinette) as funny n sexual harassment (adrien) as romantic when ur target audience is 10 year olds

This ship has been run into the ground. Both characters have been made worse people by being in love with each other. Marinette/Ladybug is not very far away from becoming a yandere over Adrien (she has stalked him and tried kissing what she thought was a stature of him) and Adrien/Chat Noir acts entitled to Ladybug's love. And the series still acts like they are meant for each other. Every character has to be a Adrienette shipper (both of their exes and Marinette's friends are, for example.) Characters not in favor of the ship are the villains. And their relationship has been stagnant for so long. After 5 seasons, Marinette still can't talk normally around her crush. The few times their superhero identities got revealed, the world ended and it had to be reversed. So their relationship can't even progress in any way.

[aropride]

i am losing it the tiniest bit .

googling like "my mother treats me like a child" or wgatever just brings up like ppl talking abt their mothers not wanting them to grow up or not giving them enough freedom which is a valid problem and one i have but it is a completely different problem from the one im looking for information on which is that i am a 20 year old man and my mother babytalks at me like a four year old on a regular basis. its drivng me fucking crazy but i dont want to argue and she wouldnt listen anyway she'd probably just be like "i dont do that" which .okay. but like holy fucking shit it is SO annoying and demeaning and WEIRD.

and like i can handle it when she treats me like. a teenager. like whatever im 20 close enough i dont care. but when she treats me like im 10. or 7. or fucking 4. its like. what the fuck is your problem.

and like okay i was thinking abt this the other day bc i was talking 2 my dad like just hanging out and he was treating me like a Person and like. idk i feel like when he had kids he was Expecting and Excited for us to turn into little people with our own thoughts and free will (maybe not the transgender communist thing i think that was a bit far but he's always been supportive in terms of like. me being my own person otherwise).

and my dad volunteers at church with some of the kids like 9-12 age range, and a lot of them have rough home lives and 'act out' cuz of that and he's very patient with them and helps them with what theyre going thru and generally just acts like theyre little people. because they ARE little people. like he genuienly cares for those kids and is always like... taking them to the park and stuff but also like, being character witness for their parents' custody battles n shit like actually helping and suppotying them.

whereas my mother volunteers at church with babies and toddlers and its almost like she sees them as pets. and will complain abt them being annoying or MEAN if they cry or dont want to play with her. like she's nice to them but she will complain abt it as if theyre trying to spite her

and i feel like she didnt become a parent bc she wanted to raise a small human i feel like she just wanted a pet. and shes been better with my sister but when i was a kid the second i was like 6 and developed some free will she kinda like. Moved on from me LOL. and stopped caring abt me outside of like. buying food. wire mother type shit. idk it's just really obvious that my dad cares abt these kids as people but my mother cares abt them for only as long as they dont upset her or do something she doesnt want them to. if that makes sense

and idk its like. i am 20 years old. im not going to go back to a 4 year old with no sense of the world outside of u because I AM TWENTY YEARS OLD. I HAVE LIVED ALONE IN SCHOOL I HAVE GONE TO THE DMV I HAVE WORKED A JOB I HAVE DEALT WITH MEDICAL EMERGENCIES ON MY OWN . i have had to make my way through every single social problem and mental health problem and shit since i was SIX bc thats when she stopped giving a shit about me. im not a child anymore

but i think its also part of why im so fucking bad at Being An Adult. bc she never taught me how do to any of this shit bc she was busy pretending im still a little kid. and now im too anxious to figure out how to do things on my own and i dont know how to ask for help and everything is very overwhelming and she tells me she wants me to get a job but doesnt help and she acts like she wants me to leave but she doesnt tell me that or help me leave and i am SO FUCKING SICK of living at home but i dont have the money or the skills to get out

and she's NEVER helped me with adult stuff either . the only thing i can think of is when she took me to the bank bc i needed her signature to take her off my bank account . otherwise my dad has been the one to help me with college applications + college stuff in general + finances + jobs etc etc . whereas my mother ACTIVELY LIES TO ME ABOUT THOSE THINGS TO TRY TO STOP ME FROM GETTING MY OWN DEBIT CARD !!!!!!!!!!

and it's this fucking exhausting mix of signals where she's like "u need to get a job u need to learn to drive u need to do this and that" but also she Literally , not exageratting , treats and talks to me like i am a child . i am so fucking sick of it it's unreal . i am going to lose my fucking mind .

[matoitech]

ok uhh okay. spiderverse 2 thoughts. in bullet points for the sake of my churning brain cuz im just not rly sure how i feel abt it rn. like it was a good movie? i enjoyed it it was fast paced i didnt realize 2+ hours went by which also segues into  my first thought but like. yeah i have thoughts.

first of all that was like a super weird ending decision to make it a part 1 of 2. zero warning for that. and i sat in that theater till credits bcuz i genuinely thought i was being punked and the movie was going to finish, bcuz it did not at all feel like a place to stop for the movie. it ends like right before the climax?? yes they really. extended themselves damn far for this one and it would be a lot to tie up in like another 45 minutes of movie but also like you couldve done it.. i really dont. understand. like ppl just sat in the movie theater like wait is it done. theyre ending it here? for real? like it wasnt the kind of ending you expect from this movie 

animation was obviously gorgeous and insane i dont even need to talk about what eye candy it was. the different styles all together the fight scenes ugh so good yeah yeah everyone knew it would be a trip

rly cannot stress enough what a Direction this sure was. i dont like say it as crit necessarily just like. did they over extend. maybe. they sure Extended. i would expect this maybe for a third movie not a second but they were clearly trying to blow the first one out of the water. it was just.. a lot looser. it needed to be tighter. i dont know what theyre planning for the 3rd movie but i really did not like. vibe with that ending decision

they changed peni’s design slightly and gave her a cooler mech so thats nice. maybe they listened 2 criticisms abt that

i cant decide how i feel abt a lot of the dialogue tbh it rly wasnt my thing a lot of the time like. the changing writers were kind of.. obvious. and there was a LOT of dialogue bcuz this movies purpose seems to be a very Character Driven story to prepare for the next? like theyre TRYING to say stuff thats for sure. also it was rly quippy in a way that i feel has gotten kind of tired with dialogue writing like SOME dialogue was genuinely funny and good to me like i wouldnt say it was BAD or something (some of it was bad.) it was just.. noticeably different? the tone for this movie was changed from the first which again isnt bad youre telling a different story it was just Different yeah. some things i rly thought couldve been handled like with more subtlety. 

i guess we only had one movie with the original cast but some stuff just like i personally was sitting there trying to figure out if it felt in character or not. its rly hard to explain if u havent watched it i think and maybe im just crazy i dunno. im absolutely not opposed to making ur characters fuck up and make mistakes but like. huh. i guess. i would not expect otherwise from gwen bcuz shes a teenager but i was.. surprised that peter was going along with it like ? hes a middle aged man lol he wasnt like taken advantage of or manipulated in any way. not like they were trying to say that w the like spider group anyway, like i dont think they were tryingto say gwen was necessariyl taken advantage of or anything, like they werent trying to make them read as ‘evil’ if anything just like wow these ppl sure have Problems they are going thruogh. but like still? im not invested in peters character even it just felt kind of weird. miles went fucking through it too like jesus christ im still trying to wrap my brain around all this it sure does feel like theyre putting these ppl thru comic book trauma

what i went through emotionally wheni realized they were going to do Dark Miles i dont even mean that as criticism or anything its just a bold move man. buti was sitting there like yeah of course they would. hope they make it work

i dunno i probably have more thoughts im just kind of like sitting here lol like what a weird decision. if they hadnt ended it like that i probably would have my thoughts more tied together bcuz the movie itself wasnt tied up?? so its kind of hard to even like think through everything on one watch

[meownotgood]

i keep seeing a lot of himeno hate recently and i wanted to ask some questions and kinda vent ig?

himeno offering a kiss to denji was supposed to just be her teasing him but did she explicitly know he was a minor at that point? even then, since she was kidding and no serious intention to romantically engage with him, shouldn’t that be okay? like it’s weird? but not im going to call the cops on you weird??

people saying she’s 30????? is that like kinda ridiculous, she gives me 2-3 years older than aki and aki in present time is like 21-22?

my question is something in regards to what ive seen so much online “himeno met aki when he was a teen so falling in love with him is gross” and “himeno only likes aki for his looks”

himeno commented on aki’s looks when he was a teen and she literally said she doesn’t like the whole stoic, cold people energy. she also is the only person that has a firm grasp on aki’s entire character?? so falling for him based on solely his looks is super surface level to me.

also himeno never expressed romantic feelings for aki when he was a teen, it developed throughout their time when he became an adult. it’s probably not even just a romantic love, but more platonic even as she built such an emotional connection and attachment around the idea of protecting him and keeping him safe simply bc she DOESNT want to lose him.

i think the bigger thing about himeno that people forget is how she doesn’t want to build friendships and memories and connect herself with people that will just ultimately leave. that’s why she asks aki about the new recruits and what he thinks about whether they will live or die. she’s scared about losing them.

himeno also prioritizing aki’s safety and her “love” and connection to him is probably one of the only motivations in her life and the thing that keeps her going ESPECIALLY in the line of work that she is in.

when he was a teen, she just cared about keeping him alive. her falling for him was most likely during when he became an adult. so is knowing him when he was a teen like really bad? / gen

the stuff about denji too. like it’s inexcusable. even if you’re drunk, you’re still responsible for the decisions you make. but as explanation (not an excuse) she did not want denji, apologizes the next day because she was not in her senses, and commented that she would have gotten arrested. she also NEVER wanted denji in the slightest. like yes she made a terrible choice and regardless of circumstance, it was gross and i would not be cool with it. but is she really a pedophile when she WOULDNT have made those choices without the influence of alcohol. she doesn’t want to date children.

i dunno thank you to reading this i needed to get my thoughts out. i DIDNT mean to pile this on you. i think himeno is a tragic character that plays a huge role in the story when looking at it at a literary standpoint. im a bit disheartened that she’s reduced to JUST this.

I totally understand why people dislike or even hate himeno, I just think a lot of people take it a bit too far, or fail to see the aspects of her character and writing because they hate her. I'm not even the biggest fan of her character honestly, but it's clear to see that people blow things way out of proportion

when himeno offered to kiss denji, she didn't know he was a minor (he didn't reveal his age to anyone until the drinking party). I definitely think it's weird, I don't think it's difficult to tell that denji is a teenager. but I don't think it was her trying to be weird towards him, she was just messing with him, probably like she does with all of the new recruits.

in terms of her age, it's definitely debatable. in my opinion, based on the flashbacks we see with her and aki, I think she's maybe 24-27? but obviously it's subjective (wish fujimoto would just confirm the actual ages....). I don't necessarily think her attraction to aki is weird or wrong, I just think it would be a bit of a toxic / codependent relationship, and I think perhaps himeno is too old for him? although, they're both adults so it's really not that big of a deal, not worth losing your mind over people shipping it, imo. save your energy for people who are shipping characters who are minors with adults instead of people who want to ship two grown, fictional adults together...

I think himeno never had romantic interest in aki when he was a teenager — I talked about this in length in a himeno analysis I did, but basically I feel as though himeno latched onto aki from the start because of her attachment issues and because of aki's determined personality. I agree with what you said: she became attached to aki because she was so terrified of losing another person. she only fell in love with him much later on, when she was able to see a different side to him.

also the thing about his looks? that's from the scene where denji and himeno are talking after denji stayed over at her house, and when denji asks why himeno likes aki, she answers simply: "his looks". I think it's pretty obvious she's only saying that to give an excuse to denji, not that it's her actual feelings. people who think "his looks" is the only reason himeno likes aki were possessed by the lack of reading comprehension devil

and obviously the stuff himeno did to denji is inexcusable. like I'd never try to defend it. being drunk is never an excuse. but yes, it wasn't because she specifically wanted to manipulate or hurt denji. it was a mistake — a horrible mistake that she needs to be held accountable for, but a mistake nonetheless. people saying she was after denji from the start or something like that are just plain wrong.

she's a very flawed character, and a very flawed person but sometimes people just take things way too far because they can

[sterlingarcher]

I love seeing your posts about like bandom history and just discussion and reflection from a more mature adult's angle, it's really relatable to me at 29. And while I have not involved in bandom before late 2015, I have studied a lot myself, and Panic! and Brendon were my first faves and still high up there. It really disappoints me how brutal antis are as I have figured them out to a T, treating minor errors as hate-crimes from Brendon but not anyone else. Are we not all human?

i havent checked my messages in so long so im not 100% certain when this was sent but this was a really nice thing to stumble upon today 😭😭😭 it makes me feel good to know that there are people out there who can sort of ~smell what im stepping in~ so to speak and that when i talk about this stuff its not always falling on deaf ears. ive always rejected the term “anti” because it feels so immature to say, but honestly what other word is there to even describe most of these people? haters? bullies? assholes? they dont have any actual critical thought behind why they came to hate brendon, they just know it became the cool and popular thing to hate him and “blame him” for shit and they couldnt bear the thought of not following the crowd and fitting in. youd be hard pressed to find me anyone whos life has been documented and scrutinized for as long as and as harshly as brendons since they were a teenager who HASNT stumbled or fucked up or put their foot in their mouth at some point. its wildly hypocritical because these people act very pure and righteous, and like theyve never done or said anything wrong or questionable or problematic in their lives which is just…. quite literally patently untrue for every person on earth. to assert moral and ethical superiority over a person like brendon is to be horrendously disingenuous, and it grossly highlights the efficacy of social media fandom war smear campaigns, lack of proper journalism, and the terrifying degeneration of peoples ability to engage in critical thought and perform unbiased fact-based research. these people act like brendon singlehandedly committed genocide or some shit, and honestly i find these people spend far more time thinking and talking about him than we as fans do. like he quite literally lives in these peoples heads rent free, and these are the same people who call us pathetic for still enjoying him and his music after all these years and not dropping off and following the crowd of sheeple like they did. like these people have the nerve to behave like 13 year old lunch-room bullies and then turn around and call people cringe and pathetic for *checks notes* … enjoying someone and their art and music. like honey the call is coming from inside the house. they love to use the classics like “jeez its just a joke” or “its not that deep…” when the reality is that if it was truly not that deep they wouldnt spend so much time obsessing over him and talking about him more than his fucking fans do. they quite literally troll his and panics tags and quote retweet and reblog almost everything they see with a shitty snide remark that they truly think is soooo clever and original (🙄) like its their fucking 6 figure paid career path. they constantly poke the bear, go swinging at a hornets nest with lead pipes, and then they get confused and pissed when they get bit and stung. like literally dude what did you expect? you come into a space specifically to cause trouble and piss people off and then act like the victim when you actually accomplish that??? call people cringe and fail and annoying and strange when they get emotional over something they clearly care deeply about??? as though if the tables werent turned these people wouldnt immediately start screaming crying throwing up and playing the victim. honestly though at the very end of the day i truly believe these proudly self-proclaimed “haters” are more miserable than ill ever be no matter how bad my life circumstances get. because ultimately i only spend a few hours, maybe a day or two at most being pissed that these bullies and mean-girls exist and love to invade our spaces for shits and giggles. but they apparently spend entire days, weeks, months… YEARS of their lives being bitter and vile and mean for the sake of maybe 10 likes on twitter and 5 minutes of internet validation. what a sad fucking existence. i prefer to be someone who enjoys things and engages with and consumes things that make me happy and joyful thank you :) anyway sorry for the ramble! if you read all of it i appreciate and love you for it!! 💕

[tulpafcker]

yeah reading that webebed comic is making me think about like. growing up On Line and knowing there was something wrong with me, KNOWING i had a personality disorder and just not knowing Which One, but knowing it was most likely one of the two that people dont give much sympathy to

but then also being surrounded by people who do the same things i did and DIDN'T have those disorders

is such... a wild fucking experience. i joke like "haha more people should think theyre a sociopath growing up, it humbles you and makes you painfully aware of how people see the shit youre doing" but like, even if the people i knew thought that of themselves, they wouldnt care! theyd brush it off or think theyre one of the good ones (tm) with no self reflection!! and thats because I did it!!

like. as a teenager, i genuinley thought "its not that i dont FEEL remorse, its just that i havent done anything that was bad enough to feel remorse over!" and concluded that i didn't have aspd

like. i was simultaneously self aware and not self aware, except since i was more self aware than most, it was easy for me to believe that nothing escaped my field of view

and even to this day, it's like... why?? i was in a whole fucking group of remorseless assholes who were overly violent about people we didnt like! we were ALL quick to turn on each other, and we were just a small group of a huger group! we couldnt ALL have aspd?? and WE DONT!!! WE DIDNT!!!

some of them were just being teenagers, some of them have other shit wrong with them that they either got help for or... didn't.

its just. aaaaa!! and yes depending on who it was directed on, my anger issues and impulsivity were both used to help the group and ostracize me! my friends LIKED when i could turn on people on a dime and drive them out of the group if they did something percieved as Bad. some of them genuinley WERE horrifically manipulative people and it was good that they got out of there SOMEhow. but they got out because the server admin was too pussy to do her job and Administrate The Server so it was My job. but if the admin herself or her friends hurt me (for instance, by saying that i was selfish for wanting to kill myself,) then suddenly i was scary and irrational and couldnt be trusted. fun!

and this suuuucks but wrt the webbe comic i see myself a lot in gage in that his Go To Excuse (im traumatized!!!) was MY go to excuse back in the day. plus i struggle w like. just because i dont MEAN to be manipulative, doesnt mean that i cant BE manipulative, plus its not the other partys fault for feeling manipulated

gage is lowkey also kinda unempathetic to milo cuz he finds milo annoying at times and uhhh thats a hashtag struggle of hashtag mine

and like. id never date an actual fucking murderer (but then again i can just SAY anything. in another life i could see myself justifying it if i was in a worse spot) but the reaction towards gage vs milo by the commentors of the comic is telling imo

in that gage (as far as we know) has been thru shitty situations and we dunno how he grew up yet (or maybe we do idk im not done) and he has maladaptive, manipulative, and hurtful coping mechanisms just like milo does but in the comments milo is seen as a wrong but still sympathetic guy while gage.. isnt

and thags kind of how it felt, yk. growing up the way i did. like i wasnt the best person but neither were the other guys but they got sympathy because they *appeared* good and pitiable and soft, they were treated like flawed yet human individuals going thru it, and i was lowkey dehumanized even before i ever really thought i had Dehumanized Implicitly Personality Disorder

ALSO the "sorry for saying s*ciopath i didnt mean to offend people w aspd" part in the comic Gets Me because there are people who do say that BUT thats the begining and end of anything they say abt aspd and its kiiind of hurting it ngl

cuz like. i agree honestly! i think people should maybe not say sociopath as freely as they do anymore. for one its not used diagnostically anymore and for two; in the layperson, the word paints a picture of a very stereotypical moviefied version of someone with aspd. so not only is it not used medically, its used in a way that dehumanizes people with actual aspd- in fact a lot of people dont even know that its CALLED aspd!

and of course, Not Saying Sociopath Anymore isnt gonna solve ableism (i learned the term aspd from an Ableist Video after all) but like. it would be nice? maybe?? to have the basic decency to not be referred to by a word thats used to either treat me like a dogshit criminal implicitly OR sell a warped version of the thing i struggle with to hollywood audiences and or true crime affecionados

but because of people who ONLY say that stuff and nothing else, the notion isnt really taken seriously by anyone and is brushed off as Stupid Internet Stuff + a smattering of "if you REALLY had REAL aspd you wouldnt CARE wether or not someone called you a sociopath!!!"

which of course is ironically another example of ableism not being solved by Changing Terms but uhh yeah since the fauxtivist puriteen blogs r where a lot of people first heard of the concept its IMMIDIATLEY written off as stupid internet stuff and i just think its very very funny that milo webcomicboy said that just like. as a microcosm of him? say/do shit that sounds progressive but does stuff that actually is either a) irrelevant or b) hurts people more than it helps them

also just bc i relate to gage doesnt mean i like him theyre all pieces of shit. i like him as a character not as a person. everyone here sucks assssssssssssssss but im just. observing plus a lil like. not exactly recognition of self thru the other but "oh god that COULDVE been me if i didnt get very very very lucky" self awareness did not fix me and it did not save me but it saved me just a leeeeeeeeettle bit and thats enough babeyyy

if this makes no sense im SORRY ive been soo traumatixed also im LITERALLY neurodivergent and a minor???? ugh!!!

(nah fr fr it is late as all fuckkkkk idk if this is coherent. if its not just shhhhh let it fade into obscurity thanks i appreciste it)

[mageofarcane]

sorry for scaring you LMAO im glad you liked them tho!! :D i have a million headcanons but im too scared start a proper blog so they just sit and collect dust </3 its def less scary to share on anon so maybe ill try to upgrade to named anon someday if that doesnt bother you :'D anyway since you asked here are more random headcanons!! <3

i havent slept in forever so they might be rly messy sorry in advance

tenma tsukasa ☆

tsukasa has to wake up extra early everyday bc he has an extensive skincare routine

one time he tried dancing in the shower and almost fell so he now he thinks abt the dance while singing

sometimes tsukasa would try to use some random cheesy line he found on you but get flustered mid sentence and fail (it would take weeks for him to tell you what it was lmao)

he usually sleeps like a starfish but sometimes curls into a ball

he loves holding you and rambling abt musicals and shows hes watched recently (he makes mental notes on what you like and always gives the best recommendations <3)

when he was little, he claimed the loft as his room bc he thought it was cool

now that hes older he wishes he had four walls (esp with his family complaining abt how loud he can be bc the loft def projects his voice lmao), but he still thinks its cool

tsukasa loves sharing food with you!! when you order at a restaurant, he likes putting both of your dishes in the middle to share with eachother (idk if this is normal outside of where im from lmao sorry)

he always makes sure to have smth you like in his bento and he loves seeing you smile when he gives it to you!!

he loves your smile in general! it always brings a smile to his face too, and it makes everything feel worth it to him <3

kamishiro rui ◇

im sorry but rui would 100% draw on your face if you fell asleep somewhere random </3 he wouldnt use a permanent marker tho!! hes not that mean

he would still try his best to save your neck by waking you up or carrying you to bed tho

rui is rly rly rly warm and will give the literal best hugs omg i want rui hug ):

he sleeps on his side and somrtimes hugs his pillow

if he doesnt set multiple alarms he WILL sleep in

if you cant sleep he would hold you and ramble, hum, or sing for you depending on what you prefer

ruis rly good at reading ppls expressions and body language, and will use it to his advantage when needed (this made him rly good at noticing how youre feeling and he always reacts accordingly)

he loves when you hang around his workshop!! it doesnt matter what youre doing, he just finds it rly endearing that you chose to stay with him!! <3

he has reading glasses bc he used to hide under the covers and read with a flashlight when he was little

he loves making trinkets for you bc he adores the smile on your face when he gives it to you <3

when hes not trolling on minecraft, he can make rly pretty builds that go along with his redstone contraptions

rui and nene used to text using discord before meeting the rest of wxs

he enjoys doing chores with you! he wouldnt admit it, but doing mundane yet domestic tasks with you makes him feel warm and giddy lmao hes literally smitten <3

I've never been so happy to wake up and see an even longer wall of text than the previous night. You're always more than welcome to send me your headcanons whenever you'd like and if you have a name or emoji or anything you want to be referred to as lmk :) I hope you don't mind me commenting to your headcanons and adding on to them.

The Tsukasa ones are so good. I've never really thought much about how he got his loft bedroom until seeing this and I love this headcanon. Like, I've thought it was weird how a teenager could deal with a open bedroom like his, but with Tsukasa I pretty much thought that he just doesn't like the closed in feeling of an actually bedroom and feels more comfortable with a more open and bright room.

Thought it's not a very common thing in U.S., at least as far as I have ever seen, I adore the idea of Tsukasa (and Rui) sharing his food with his s/o. I've thought for a while that he would often make an extra bento to give you. Doesn't matter the occasion, he is often spontaneous with his actions and just likes to make things for you to enjoy.

Rui doesn't seem to be very strong but I like to think he has some good arm strength from moving around is robots, so I'm sure he could pick some up for a short time. If he hasn't seen you in a few days or so, the moment he sees you he'd pick you up and spin you around, playing around and acting like he seen you in months. He would get very clingy when tired and doesn't want to let go of his s/o when it's time to get up. He's pretty quick to fall asleep but does his best to help lull you to sleep if you can't sleep. I love his voice so much and it's so soft so it would be very comforting to have him hum or sing you to sleep.

Lot of hangouts between him and his s/o being spent in his workroom with him working on whatever and you doing your own thing but knowing you're there with him makes him so happy. I like the idea of him only actually liking to clean and do chores if you're there with him.

He does love to make you trinkets. Maybe he'd get into wire art or something like that and would make you some intricate flowers and even necklaces or other jewelry with stones or gems inside them that hold a special meaning.

I bet the whole group has a discord together and it being fun chaos, full of the most random memes, show ideas, play bickering, and changing each others names to funny or random things,

Rui with glasses is way too adorable

[blackhallow]

I CANT BELIEVE ITS FINISHED ALREADY 😭😭😭 CANT WAIT FOR WHATEVER U HAVE PLANNED NEXT !!!

SUGURU AND MAKI BONDING WAS HONESTLY SO SATISFYING THAT ENTIRE PART WAS VERY SLAY (I GET WHAT U MEAN WHEN U SAID SUGURUS REALLY GOING THROUGH IT)

NOBARA BEING #LOYAL🙏💪💪🔥🔥🔥🔥

yuki's little ducklings 💀 im just imagining those ducks that cross the road woth the milf duck being at the forefront and the ducklings following and then just people road raging in the background because of the traffic

todosistermaki 😍😍😍 (that is all i cannoot express it in words....so my keyboard smash will have to do pojigyuvgedckvogturjnewkgt....hope u got all of that)

nobara and todo might be getting into fights with students at their school (im genuinely assuming abt nobara but tbh it rly sounds like something she would do like she would totally get into a fist fight with someone) but yuki's getting into fights with the parents. every parent-teacher meeting is a nightmare for nobara WAIT I JUST REALISED THE IMPLICATION THAT TODO DROWNS HIMSELF IN AXE BODY SPRAY HELP IM DYING AT THIS 😭😭😭 (SOMETIMES I GENUINELY FEEL CONCERNED BY WHAT YUKI TAUGHT HIM.....THEN AGAIN SHE PROBABLY HAD AN AXE BODY SPRAY PHASE TOO....)

UNSURPRISINGLY THE SIBLING BONDING WAS MY FAVORITE

she rly took her takada shirt off just so that maki wouldnt come to know 😭 todo wanting to marry takada (poor thing was so engrossed by the idea of marrying an idol he sees like maximum once a month idk how often fan greets happen that he didnt notice the way takada made moves on mai 😭😭 maybe one day very far into the future)

OREO STEALING THE SPOTLIGHT AS ALWAYS <333

“Oh so when he wants to cuddle he’s yours but when he’s a problem he’s my son?” 😂😂😂😂😂

KFC???? IN THIS HOUSEHOLD????? NAUR WAY LMFAO (i thought for a second this was abt the satosugu breakup but then i realised its actually a tradition in japan for people to get kfc during christmas HELP)

NOBARA FUMI SAORI REUNION AT LAST !!!!! fumi being unsettled by panda (he probably catches on at some point and starts messing with her on purpose)😭😭 saori not batting an eye like the true city girl she is 💪💪 nobara being very!!!! obvious!!!!! abt maki but its so sweet tbh

(SATORU'S ROMANTIC ESCAPADE BEING TRAUMATIZING FOR HER HELP 💀💀🙏🙏🙏🙏BUT ALSO GOOD FOR HIM I THINK)

I LOVF THE YUKI APPRECIATION IN THIS CHAPTER OMG I STAN OUR CLEANLINESS QUEEN ( I TOO CANNOT STAND THINGS NOT BEING CLEANED IMMEDIATELY I LOVE HER FOR THAT) GETO DESCRIBING HER AS "BEING LIKE A CHILD" 😭

THIS CHAPTER WAS JUST SO SWEET OVERALL OMG

JDHFSJDHSJSJ HELLO YOU ARE VERY SLAY!!!!

It is over and that makes me very sad but reading all of this has made me extremely happy so tyyy <3333 And now I wish I could draw because that image of like Yuki and the kids as ducks crossing a road is going to be forever engraved in my brain and I love that!!!! Omg. She's truly embarrassing yes she is, poor Nobara man she has to deal with that but in return Yuki has to deal with HER so .... idk who is more stressed out.

And omg I was rereading Todo's scenes in the manga right and volume 5's extras say that he always smells nice and it bothers the girls at the Kyoto school and I was just like mmm why would it bother them??? So that's where the axe thing came from kshdfkhasSDJ not to mention the extra also says he's mad at the rule that bans idols from dating because he wants to marry Takada RIGHT NOW (literally Gege's words, not mine) This man is so unserious that girl is clearly gay but anyways. Teenage Yuki having an axe body spray phase... no words. That has killed me. But !!!!!! I'm actually so glad that part was your favorite because I was kicking my feet twirling my hair writing it I found it hysterical sdkfhds

And I wondered if anyone was going to mention stsg with the KFC thing SDHGFASJFGD listen. They have appropriated that in this fandom but I'm taking it back. It's normal ok?

Stoppp Panda messing with Fumi SDHSDJF that is so real. Mannnnn like always your asks just make me laugh my ass off. In regards to Geto and Yuki I am obsessed with the idea that Yuki just has fun in her time off and she's just like. very chill. likes to party. And Geto's like... a boomer who goes to sleep at 7pm and complains about jetlag. LMAO.

ANYWAYS thank you for this!!!!!! Seriously puts a smile on my face :D :D I'm glad you enjoyed it and so happy you take the time to send me these because SDJGEISAKFS

[craw-dacious]

Review of the making of the map by fox_pitch

I'm new to marauders, this is the second fic I've read.

Summary: I liked this fic, a lot. It was a fun read and I really liked the progression of both Wolfstar and James/Lili (is it Jilly? I can’t remember). A bit less angsty than what I usually read and some parts felt underbaked, but the author kept my attention INCREDIBLY. I stayed up about four hours later than I usually do binge reading this. Very good.

SPOILERS BELOW BEWARE BEWARE

Since chapters are shorter ill do bigger recaps infrequently throughout, but still little chapter notes

Chapter one

YES THEY’RE NOT GAY YET

Cannot wait to see this unfold <3333

Aw they’re so cute, definitely a wolf star focus

I hope this goes through seventh year so I can see James and lily play out

Chapter two

Why did I not process its the first day of term thats wild and crazy

Ok so lily still is buddies with Snape which tracks timeline wise I guess

Do they pants him at the end of the fifth or sixth year I can’t remember

I am confused on the lily dynamic tbh what does she think of the group

Chapter three

This one kinda ate, im liking the short chapters I get more invested in each part of the story

Obviously I know they’re not just gonna kill off Peter, but him dying in the shack did cross my mind

I wonder when lupin gets the potion stuff

Chapter four

MURDER MYSTORY??? HOW FUN

I hope remus gets over himself soon how was Sirius supposed to know how intense the situation was bruh

Blanket statement that I apologize for all shitty teenage boy behavior they need to chill

Chapter five

Calling him inbred is hilarious Im liking remus’s pov

Hes gay James stop

Literally he’s gonna go be ur wingman be happy

Good chapter very chill

RECAP FIRST FIVE CHAPTERS

I like the silliness thats been in this so far. I am NOT liking that remus and Sirius aren’t talking to each other. Is it a narrative device? Absolutely. But I despise it so much.

I think Sirius’ characterization is very good so far, I’m surprised they haven’t fleshed out the Regulus stuff more yet. Hopefully will get his pov soon

God I hope this is a save reggie fic cmon

I really hope this passage is the one to honey dukes.

Im sure the plots about to pick up more since they’re actually making the map

Chapter six

If I was lily I would’ve folded so fucking fast bruh

Like I know he’s annoying but like he’s cute, and likes her so much, and is clearly like progressive what is the problem

Anyway, sirius needs to chill if he wants to be gay

Chapter seven

Closet time closet time its time to be emotional in the closetttt

Calling him a cat is funny

Sirius is my fave because he’s also like a fixer upper with issues but he’s not EVILL he just has trauma

And he actually wants to be the best version of himself yk (unlike some dumb ass fucking bitches I know)

Chapter eight

SHE DID NOT JUST CRUCIO HIM

Cradling his head

Sirius licking him

God can marlene just fucking kill herself please

Chapter nine

Honestly there is no world in which I wouldnt feel awkward with my friends jokingly offering to kiss me as a form of like emotional comfort like thats not normal

Like my best friend gave me a big hug after I broke up with my ex she’s not gonna go “oh haha idk what else to do other than make out with you lol lol.” Sirius what the fuck

Anyway I love to see the lily and James bonding but I can tell it makes remus feel lonelier

Wonder if we’re gonna get Peter development at all

Chapter ten

I dont even want to write uodates anymore because im liking the fic too much

Hes so stressed abt being gay I thought he already knew he was gay bruh Sirius is clueless obvi

Chapter 11

JUMPSCARE FANART BAD BAD FANART ITS TERRIBLE

Love how the maps coming together

This is not going over well with Sirius im sure

12

Ok so bed making out

Im so fucking horny I need to make out with someone STAT

Preferably someone with a penis bc it confirms they like me but tbh I don’t give a shit

Its 1:12 am

So it did go over well with Sirius. I expected some internalized homophobia or something but he’s actually being chill for once

OKAYYYYYYY RECAP TO CHAPTER TWENTY ONE 💋💋💋

so i got so engrossed in the story that i forgot to write my chapter notes

but so far i feel fantastic about it

LOVE LILY AND JAMES' DYNAMIC ITS SO GOOD

the regulus thing is making me want to kms. i have like no hope for reg redemption bc the fic isn't long enough, and i feel like all that happens will be the murder mystery and MAYBE gay shit

sirius was SO STUPID with marlene like clearly remus has some issues with being open and you need to like discuss,, not make out with some other bitch

also them both being bi is not what i expected? feel like remus should be gay

peters character is... interesting. why are they friends with him. also he has bo gryffy qualities wtf.

Recap AGAIN but not done yet

Ok, the wormhole shit is interesting. Poor elves.

I wonder what happened to them, is this the in between place or whatever?

They’re being too romantic on the battlefield you gotta lock in guys

Also I thought an avada grazing you killed you no matter what

Also Sirius fully used crucio and nobody like cared other than remus. Like no commentary

WHERE’S JAMES BRUH

Hilarious. Peak comedy. Coming back to life and IMMEDIATELY kissing Lily. Her being grossed out. Literally perfect.

Ok the introduction of the OOTP, seems good.

Honestly really like what I’ve seen in the fic, but it’s a bit TOO silly for my tastes. I need more angst.

Like obviously I want Remus and Sirius to be openly gay and in love but it was too easy in this fic, like with Destiel its always SUCH an issue lmao.

TOTAL RECAP:

I liked this fic, a lot. It was a fun read and I really liked the progression of both Wolfstar and James/Lili (is it Jilly? I can’t remember)

I do feel like it was a little too light at times, there wasn’t a whole lot of grey area morally, and a lot of big issues weren’t fully fleshed out. I wish they’d dived into Regulus more, and Snape. I wish they’d addressed Sirius’ use of the Cruiciatus curse, and I wish they’d address Dumbledores failings more directly

Werewolf shit was fantastic to read, the angst, the fear, the violence, the drama. I thought the transformations were excellently done and I really enjoyed the progression of them figuring out the roaming/playing

Hogsmeade passage shut off? Strange.

I did not enjoy that I cannot be sure they are safe. That’s a benefit of post-hog warts fic, if its truly marauders James and Lily often don’t die.

Overall very happy fic. I did love the aggressive use of drunkness as a plot device, I liked Lily’s characterization for the most part, and it was pretty addicting in the middle.

I thought Characterization was good, not fantastic but definitely good. Peter threw me, not very likable. It’s hard to do him correctly and have him add worth to the story, but I just did not like him the whole time, and I felt like Remus and Sirius both didn’t care for him and found him annoying.

7.5/10 <3

My rankings are not supposed to be biased. Horrible shitty fic would get like a one, something readable but bad would get a fourish. Most fics that I read will be around 7-9 simply because I sort by Kudos and get recs from misuss so they’re better quality to begin with.

Great light silly read, with just enough depth to keep it interesting. I could see myself re-reading this fic once I get to know the marauders better.

Also, I do not like the fanart in this fic but I'm sure that's not universal. The artist is credited within the fic but I'd like to tag them here just to acknoledge the hard work that went into it. I checked them out and ADORE some of their other work, this one was just not to my liking. They have some percy jackson shit up that EATS.

@komodokai on instagram

[kashimos-hajime]

no regrets (8/8) | r.b.

summary: For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Or, Reiner finally understands what peace is.

WARNINGS: MANGA SPOILERS!!! angst, mentions of violence, we get our happy ending :) pairing: reiner braun x fem!reader word count: 6.7k

a/n: welcome to the last chapter!! thank you so much for being on this journey with me. there are a few callbacks to previous chapters so see if you can catch ‘em all heheh 

masterlist

crossposted on ao3 x

Few months ago ymir asked if I could let her write one last letter to krista, and I did let her. I stood over her shoulder the whole time, watching her pen down all this sappy shit and I kept thinking about you the whole time, behind those walls. What you were doing, what you were thinking. Maybe if you thought about me. I dont know.

I’m starting to see the appeal of wrting what youre not strong enough to say to a persons face. I never thought Id find myself on the other end of this stick. for some reason, I thought that I could stop myself, resist the temptation, or maybe that I didnt feel for you as strong as I thought I did once I was away from you. I was wrong.

What do I even say? I mean shit, I can barely see, my limbs are barely in tact, and all of it—shiganshina, it haunts me, even though I cant really remember it that well. Half of it goes black and then I remember hearing your voice, I remember Bertholdt, I remember you screaming.

You couldve walked away. why didnt you walk away? It doesn’t make sens. Why did you think to cut me out? Why did you try to save me? Im trying to make it make sense inmy head. It’s not working.

Fuck I dont know what I was thinking when I asked for a paper and pen. Why am I asking you questions? Its not like ill ever understand. At this point, I think it’s pity thats letting Zeke let me waste ink on trying to write straight. He doesn’t know what im doing, but thats better this way. Better than sleeping—better than eating. I just wanna talk to you and this is as close as I can get. Its my own damn fault, but I dont care. 

I completed my mission. After this, im done. ill give up the rest of my term. I dont want any of that glory anymore. I dont want to be a hero. Im just done.

Fuck, my head hurts so much. I dont really know if what im saying is making sense. Im hoping you never read this.

im sorry. I wish I could explain it to you some day, but chances are, ill be dead soon. Whether for treason or because they need to pass on the Titan, and I wont be able to see you again. Which means youll never know how sorry I am. How much I

Thats okay. I dont think youd believe me now even if I did say anything.

I remember your dream to live by the lake with a bunch of kids. You know I started to wonder if youd mind if they were our kids, not just some orphans who needed a home. I’d imagine one of them with blond hair. Imagine them swimming in the lake.

Never told you that was my dream too. Never knew i could have a dream of my own, something only I wanted and not just something to further marleys damn agenda, til I knew you. Sounds stupid but its true.

I think youd like Marley, if we weren’t sworn enemies. Just want you here with me right now. make me sleep easier knowing you’re there when I wake up. 

Dont want secrets either. Fuck I miss you so bad. I feel s o tired all the time. 

I rember when i first saw you all could think about was how you were the most prettiest girl id ever seen. I don know if you know thats why I tried to distance myself. Knew I couldn’t get distracted from my mison. happened anyway. Wish I could tell you that. 

wish I could tell you I love you. Wish I could see the look on yur face when you try lobster for the first time. Youd love it. Not sweet, but tons of desserts here too.

Shit. And the ring on your finger. ill put a ring on your finger. I promised. i swear ill go home and buy a ring for the moment I see you again. Might not be pretty but will do the best I can.

Olnly wnat only wnat only want to see you again and beg for your forgiveness. Let you know if I had a choice, I wouldnt have done it. Would take it all back, nd stay. i wanted to stay, stay with you and the others. I used to want to spend the rest of my life in those walls, now I think im sick and tired of them dividing people who arent even that differnet.

My eyes are beginning to burn. Worse because the skin is sitll growing back. Fucking hell god I miss you. miss your smile more.

I know i dont deserve your forigvneess forgiveness. I want you to be angry with me. I deserve as much, and I cant ask you to, but 

With love,

Rienr

You fold the letter, eyes closing as your fingers trace where the ink bled, the old tear stains wrinkling the paper beyond measure. Some are older than others, and you trace over his name again, your eyes burning, your throat tight enough to suffocate.

You’re leaning against the wall as everyone disembarks. They had taken Eren off first, Hange and the others getting ready to depart for the city while Connie and Jean lift a covered stretcher too white for the vivacious girl that lays dead beneath it.

They pass you silently, and you catch sight of a certain captain approaching, his pale eyes nearly swallowed by the shadows haunting his face.

“Captain,” you say, straightening. Placing the letter back into the tin, you slide it back into your pocket as he folds a green jacket over his shoulder. You give him a nod.

“You made it out alive,” Levi observes. He stops beside you, eyes more focused on what’s ahead. No doubt he’s not looking forward to having to take Zeke to wherever he needs to go—somewhere far, far away from Eren. You cross your arms. 

“It’s good to see you, too, Levi,” you intone. Sighing, you step in beside him and look out at the Walls you can’t see in the distance, your entire body wrought with a strange fatigue that’s only sewn into muscles by adrenaline leaving the body. “I think I’m going to stay.” He tilts his head to you, eyes flickering to your face, and you mirror the shift, your arms tightening. “I can’t leave this unfinished. Not after Liberio.”

“The farm will have to be abandoned,” he points out. “The kids, too.”

“I’ll make sure I move them where someone can take care of them. Somewhere north, far away from the brothers,” you assure, although still, your heart begins to sink and you close your eyes, exhaling deeply. “I have to hope they understand.”

Levi only nods, and you open your eyes as he wordlessly takes the jacket off his arm and offers it to you. Grasping it wearily, you open your mouth to ask questions but he only sets off, back towards the cabin where Zeke is still being held, and you snap your jaws shut, looking down at the jacket.

When you unfold it, you swallow the hard rock in your throat at the blue and white slipping beween the folds of olive green before there’s a sharp whistle. Looking up, you see the carriages already beginning to load up, and you glance back at the door where the captain has disappeared through before jogging down the ramp.

You slither your arms through the sleeves and shuffle the fabric along your frame as something thumps against your thigh, and you frown, reaching down into your pocket and coming into contact with something smooth and hard.

Withdrawing, your lips part at the green bolo tie gleaming in the lights of the port and you, without another thought, pull it over your head, letting it fall against your breastbone. 

“For your services to the Survey Corps.”

There’s no time to second-guess now. No time to debate.

“Good to have you back,” Hange murmurs as you walk towards the carriage taking Mikasa, Armin, and the others back to the city. You tug the lapels of the jacket tighter around yourself and flash them a weak smile. 

The Wings of Freedom on your arm feel like a brand, and it prickles your skin as you climb in after them.

.

Distantly, he remembers flashes. 

Eren reaching forward for Zeke, the exhaustion ripping him every which way, the sound of ODM gear whizzing in his ears as he tries to make sense of the punctured sensation in his armour.

How he had softened his nape, intending to die then. At least, let his death have some meaning, he had thought. Let him make one last effort to repent for everything he did to Paradis, and to his friends who’d been more family than his own mother.

He slips in an out of consciousness for the next few days. He doesn’t know what is up, what is down, but he does recognize his surroundings blearily, the way his head spinning somehow slowing when he presses his temple to the wooden floor.

How can he almost hear your voice in the echoes of the panels, countered by someone who almost sounds like Annie before he drifts off again.

When Reiner finally regains consciousness again, he wakes to someone crouched down in front of him. Jerking up, he lets out a sound before a palm slaps over his mouth and your face is shoved against his own.

“Shut it,” you whisper fiercely. “It’s just me.”

Your name muffled by your own hand, his eyes begin to burn and you lift your palm away as he sits up and you draw back. You’re dressed in clothes that look like they’ve seen better days but you’re relatively uninjured as you pull back. New lines adorn your face—one of the many prices of their damned war—and you only look exhausted. 

Sitting up, Reiner’s whole body groans as he leans against the wall, but he can’t tear his eyes away from you. Your hands are hovering around his body like you’re scared he’ll collapse and there’s a fracture in your mask.

Something gleams on your finger and his eyes flit to it, his heart lurching when he realizes what it is.

The ring. You’re wearing it. You…

For a moment, a glimmer of their teenage selves shine through and he wants to reach for it—touch it so he can remember what it’s like to be happy. He thinks it’s an awful like now; the swelling of his heart so big he can’t breathe; the way his lungs are static in his chest; how he can’t say anything because there are so many words that want to come out first.

“You’re here. You’re alive,” he finally settles on raspily. Your eyes glint with a youthful pain as you nod.

“So are you.” 

And he doesn’t know who moves first—you or him. Nothing is forgiven as their bodies crash in an embrace that lacks grace, but they cling onto another like the world is ending and they’re the only ones left standing. 

Maybe they are.

He buries his face in your neck, and your arms are so tight around him your fingers dig into his shoulders as your body melts against his and his skeleton sags in his own body.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your skin, eyes fluttering shut. “I‘m sorry.” A hand against your neck and an arm around your waist, he wraps his legs around your own and traps you against him. You seem to only sink into him even more.

Is that enough? I don’t want you to hate me.

You suck in a breath, and then it comes out shuddering. “You can spend the rest of what life you have left repenting for making me fall in love with a man who was always supposed to die.”

Softly, in his mind, your voice cools the searing heat of hatred inside him. It’s enough. It has to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. It’s like they’re the only words he knows. He can’t remember ever meaning it this much. For him dying, for making you love him, for ever coming to Paradis. For loving you. For loving you. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I know.” Your face turns to press against his own. Your lips brush against his jaw and his eyes slide shut, tears rolling down his face. “I read every single one of your letters.” Drawing back, you cup his face in his hands and your fingers smear his tears all over his cheeks as his palm rests against your neck. Thumb stretching up to touch your chin, he feels sobs shuddering in his throat at seeing you again—looking at him almost like you used to. “I can’t begin to understand, but I know you are. And I know you love me.”

Choking, he gasps, “You should hate me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I should.” You’re crying, too, voice thick, tears stubborn on your cheeks as you give him a watery smile. “I should hate Marley, too. But it’s beautiful there. The water by the sea… I want to be there with you next time. We need to go together, before you leave me alone, okay?”

Reiner doesn’t quite hear you. He hears Marley, and beautiful, and he’s never noticed how beautiful you are when you cry, but right now, it’s the simplest truth he knows. 

“Okay.”

When you tilt his chin up and kiss him softly, something inside him explodes from the gentleness that makes him want to crack in the palm of your hands. It sears him from the inside out, makes him grab onto you like you’ll disappear—this is another dream, isn’t it? 

It has to be. 

You can’t be kissing him again after four years. He doesn’t deserve it. You’re an illusion, something his mind made up to deal with the pain. He’s finally cracked for good, just like Bertholdt said he would, and he’s the devil, not you.

But then you pull away just for a moment to smile, eyes barely open as you look at him with a sad tenderness that wraps him in an invisible embrace, and he is faced with the heart-wrenching reality. 

The sky is falling, you are holding him tightly again, and they’ve lost their years. But you’re here. With him. 

He knows that this isn’t a dream as he feels the coolness of the silver band on your finger and the heaviness in how he knows he hasn’t repented a damn thing. 

Why him?

As you run your hand through his hair, you press their foreheads together.

“And I do want a family with you, by the water if you’d like,” you murmur fleetingly against his mouth and his eyes widen, cheeks burning, entire face crumbling as he turns his face in to your shoulder, crushing you in another brace. Sobbing into your neck, his fingers dig into your shoulders, wrap tight around your waist, squeeze you so close he isn’t sure where you end and he begins and your lips brush the shell of his ear. “Reiner, say it.”

“Please,” he whispers thickly into your skin, and you cradle the back of his head with a hand. He’s nothing more than shambles. “Please, don’t go.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight again,” you promise. His breath is hot against his own face as you pull his head back and cradle his face again, thumbs brushing away the tears from his red face. “Just a bit more. A bit more and then it’ll be all over, you know?”

And he understands, then, what you want from him. Struggling for breath, for his lungs to stop seizing in his aching chest, he cups your face that turns into his palm on instinct, your face wet with your own tears as, for a moment, they try to pretend this isn’t where they really are.

Like they’re still in that afternoon in Trost, a thousand years ago, with the kids flipping coins into the water fountain and a cream bun between them. Like they’re under the tree, apple juice on your wrist and his lips on yours.

Like it’s those trips to the city, the walks on the Walls. Honey is dripping down your chin and he’s pretending he doesn’t want to kiss you, or there’s grease smeared on his forehead, and you’re reaching up to wipe it off his skin.

Like a thousand moments all at once, and he nods to himself as you brush your hand over his temple. The world outside is startlingly quiet, as if the universe itself stopped everything itself to watch this moment, and Reiner takes a breath that bruises his sternum before he’s holding your left hand where that ring still sits.

And slowly, he pulls it off, whispering as firmly as he can. He’s sure he fails—he’s shaking all over from your presence alone.

“When this is over, I’ll put that ring back on your finger. I promise.”

The smile that splits your face is dazzling. It’s the smile he’s missed since the day he left it.

“We have a lot of things to work out, Reiner Braun.”

And your fingers barely brush his jaw before you’re leaning to press a sweet kiss against his mouth. It’s sugary on his tongue, like honey and apple slices.

.

Your back is warmer when you’re pressed up against Reiner’s. The ship is quiet, and their pinkies are just barely hooked on oen another’s as you stare blankly at the empty space between Connie’s boots. You don’t speak, and Reiner’s gaze is only on you. He can’t look at anything else now that you’re back by his side again.

There’s a cut on your cheek from the fight just half an hour ago, and there’s dried blood along your hands where your knuckles had split open, but everyone seems too exhausted to clean themselves up. 

Reiner himself has a blanket pulled over his shoulders, and he sighs, slouching in his own sack of flesh.

Your head tilts towards him, enough that your temple presses against his cheek. His eyes close and he leans into your touch. Not a word passes by, but their hold on each other’s hands tightens. And Reiner thinks. 

For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Something that hasn’t burned since he left Marley as a child.

Reiner thinks he doesn’t want to die anymore. He doesn’t want to miss you for another moment.

.

Raising from the steam, you groan, your hands searing from the inside out as you touch your face where you swore every inch of your skin had been stretched, but nothing seems out of sorts as you glance around. Everywhere, all your friends who had turned just as you had are in various states of disoriented. The air is still hissing, crackled with surprised screams and shouts of names as people look for one another across the field. 

It smells like cooked meat and burnt hair, a none-to-pleasant mixture that turns your stomach.

Getting to your feet, you wipe at your face, trying to ignore the weird feeling underneath your nails and the ache seizing your muscles. Trying to ignore the remnants of Eren lingering like a ghost that won’t really leave you alone. You shiver, and a strange cold sweat takes over your body.

He had taken you to the sea, except it wasn’t the shore you were familiar with. There was a cabin nearby, with blonde children running, chasing after one another and a man with golden hair standing on the porch, firewood in his arms as he calls out silently. Or maybe you had been standing too far to hear.

“Eren… where are we?”

“Wherever you think you are,” he had said. “I just brought you where you wanted to be.”

A voice, quiet as a memory, catches your attention. “Here let me help.” A soft wind blows throw the mist, cooling your scorching face as you feel a presence stand behind you.

“Oh, thank you.” You look over your shoulder to see a tall boy, and your heart stops. Mouth dropping open, you stare at his foggy image, but he only smiles fully, a smile so tender it reaches every corner of you as you stumble forward, fingers stretching for him. “Bertholdt!”

His smile grows only that much more, eyes squinting a bit and a flash of teeth before he’s looking at your hand that passes through his chest. All at once, all the hope built up in your chest crumbles, and your hand snaps back, trembling just before him. He lays a hand over your own and your eyes begin to burn, tears slipping down your cheeks.

And then, softly, you barely whisper, “I miss you.”

Bertholdt’s smile merely grows, as if to say everything he couldn’t say before. As if to show he’s at peace now—that your last memory together isn’t every part of him, and your lips press together, trying to stop yourself from shaking.

 Shadows form in the fog, and together, the two look as a freckled boy and another girl steps out of the mist a distance away, beaming like the sun. Connie and Jean stagger to their feet just behind you, and your heart lurches into your throat when you recognize them.

“Marco! Sasha!”

Someone calls your name and you turn around just as arms scoop you up and you let out a surprised noise before settling into Reiner’s arms. Looking over your shoulder to look at Bertholdt, your heart only sinks.

He smiles and Reiner lets out a sharp breath beside you, settling you down. “Bertholdt…” More shapes emerge. A shorter boy accompanied by another taller one, both alike in their features. You recognize one as the Jaw Titan holder before Falco, but the other—

“Marcel!” Reiner chokes out the name, hand stretching out to the fog, but the boy merely tilts his head and waves.

Closing your eyes, hot tears streak over your cooling flesh as you fling your arms around Reiner again and press your face into his neck. He cradles the back of your head, and he feels… somehow weaker, but still, there is that impassable strength in his core that wraps around you as he watches over your shoulder, still clinging on despite your clothes hot enough to burn.

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive. It’s the only thought in your head. Your last clear memory had truly been the others taking flight, and the pain that had ripped apart your body before sewing it back together again in unjust proportions. Your limbs had been too big, your blood racing too warmly through your head as your legs pumped but your brain screamed to stop. 

Your fingers had sank into Reiner’s legs to pull him down and you had watched—watched Jean take a bite out of him—

You shiver and Reiner’s arms tighten around you instinctively, constricting enough to let you know that his attention isn’t on you quite yet.

Boots shifting on the ground tentatively, your knees feel gummy as you draw back long enough to look at him. He still looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to watch the mist retreat. Bertholdt and the other two boys fall into a pool of fog, and your lips part in a farewell, but it’s already too late.

He’s gone.

A wind sweeps through the battlefield, tickling your sweating neck and cooling your boiling blood.

“Hey,” a soft voice croaks.

Their eyes meet in tandem. He regards you softly, like you are the reason the sun rises and the stars hang at the sky. Overwhelmed, you can only cup the back of his neck and pull him into a deep kiss. Your other hand along his jaw, it takes all you can not to pull him into a bone-crushing embrace that’ll send them both to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you whisper hushedly against his mouth, throat swelling as he lets out a soft noise of surprise as you pull him into another tight hug. You don’t care that you’re crushing him, just that his heart is pounding against your own chest. “I couldn’t stop myself. I’m so sorry.” 

His eyes widening, he wraps his hands around your wrists and pulling you back just enough to kiss your fingers that crumple against his mouth. Clasping one of his hands in both of your own, you close your eyes and he uses his free fingers to brush the tears off your cheek before reaching into some dented tin you don’t recognize.

Eyebrows furrowing, you feel the heat leave your entire body, sapping your energy too, and your eyes snap to Reiner who steps back, cracking it open and presenting it to you. 

“You’re not the one who has to be sorry. I don’t think I’m the Armoured Titan anymore,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I get the rest of my life back, but either way, I want to spend the rest of it repenting to you in any way I can, if you’ll allow me to.” A weak smile. “Truth.”

Your throat closes up, and you stare down at the ring so protected, gleaming despite the destruction around them. It looks almost out of place amongst the grime smearing your skin, the sweat drenching their skin, the smell of blood and metal clinging to their clothes, but Reiner only watches you with a tenderness you can barely meet. It’s so overtly overflowing with devotion that your heart is resting on your tongue, seizing control of everything. 

You barely nod, chewing on your lip, trying not to cry even harder as his eyebrows rise in relief and he lets out a long sigh.

He lifts the ring out of the tin, snapping it closed before sliding the band back home onto your finger and all at once, everything floods you. The exhaustion, the pain, the hunger, thirst, grief wrapping around your bones and chaining you to the ground.

It’s over.

The minute he put the ring on your finger, it would mean it was over. No more blood, no more fighting.

Just like he promised.

You barely croak out his name before you fall to your knees. You trust him to catch you, and he does.

[THREE YEARS LATER]

Just after the Rumbling had stopped, you had gone back to Paradis alone and came back with three children to a man who was still uncertain in a world that was changing. 

Since then, you’ve learned so much about the world, about yourself, about Reiner. 

How he’s seized by night terrors even now, just like you, and how one thing that soothes it is going out for a walk while the sun still simmers below the horizon, the sky a dark navy blue spliced with orange rays. The intricate details like him making a point to tie his own tie because his father never taught him how or the way he has to chug his coffee so he has enough energy to get through the day.

And some days are horrible, haunting, but now, it is far outweighed by the good. He teaches Xav how to dress smart, takes the girls out shopping. Sometimes, he’s spotted around Liberio with a flame-haired boy riding his shoulders, you trailing behind hiding a smile behind some ice-cream.

Different nations, foods, cultures surround you now—citizens of countries coming to settle down roots, spread cuisine to Marley. The idea before, of humans so different than you but still similar at the root of it all, existing, still blows your mind. The technologies that you had never seen before, languages you’d never heard, sights you’d never seen, had all swarmed you as you stepped into a new world with him.

But there is always one thing you’ll come back to.

Leaning against the railing in the port city Reiner told you was the harbour he had left twelve years ago, and returned to seven years ago, you watch the clouds travel in slow drags across the pale blue canvas hung high above your head. The water spans for as far as you can see, glimmering under the sun and gorgeous enough to take your breath away. You pull at your coat across your chest absently, ignoring the tender growl of your stomach. 

Breathing in the salty wind, you feel your chest expand at the litle fishing boats a little ways out.

Reiner was right. You don’t get sick of the sea. You never will—not of this much water. You still remember the first time you had swam in it, the salt-water making your hair crisp, the cold sweat forming on your your sun-warmed skin.

You feel a hand on your shoulder. Looking up, you spot blonde hair and warm eyes and smile. Your heart flutters a bit. You shift on your feet.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Reiner leans down beside you, and you clasp your hands, letting the sea wind curl against your neck. Reaching to slip his hand in between yours, he sighs and you lean against his shoulder, glancing at their pile of interlaced fingers. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” you whisper, although even still, you can feel a numbing at your fingertips. You remember what it was like to be a Titan, even now. The sensations haunt you—flashes of your own mutated body, the grotesque meat of your hands sinking into the ankles of the man beside you, the bloodcurdling roar spilling out of your throat.

Glancing at their fingers, you watch the flashes of silver of the rings play in the sunlight, your band now having a matching counterpart on his own hand. You grasp his hands tightly, bringing them up to your lips and his own grip tightens when you dust a kiss gently along his scarred knuckles.

“No,” you finally say at length. “I’m not okay. Going back to Paradis makes me nervous as hell, but we’ll manage.” He nods slowly, and you let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his neck. His own encircle your waist, pulling you flush against him and your eyes close at the familiar warmth—a warmth you’ve woken up next to most days for the past three years. 

“Have you eaten yet?” he murmurs, and your fingers play with the soft edges teasing at your pads as his nose presses against your cheek. Your eyes flutter at the soft heat emanating from his skin, and you shake your head, melting against him. With one arm still around you, he slants his body away from just enough to pull a bag out of his pocket and it crinkles as he hands it to you. Taking it, you frown and look inside.

A cream bun. You can’t help the crumbling in your expression and Reiner holds your face in his hands carefully, kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Let’s stay positive,” he whispers. “We don’t know the situation until we get there and Historia briefs us.”

“I know,” you whisper and his entire expression eases at your words. His eyes gaze at you as if you’re the sole centre of his universe, and he cups your jaw more insistently, pulling you in for a gentle kiss, one you ease into, your eyes fluttering shut as his tongue traces the seam of your mouth. Laughing, you feel his little nose scrunch and your heart bounds up into your throat as he pulls back only to kiss you again, softer this time.

“Get a room!” A sharp female voice ruins their moment and you pull back just enough to see a red-headed boy running towards them and Reiner crouches down just in time to scoop Xavier up.

“When are you getting married?” he demands. “I was promised cake when you guys got married.”

“I dunno. When you move out of the house I guess,” you tease and Xavier pouts, rubbing at the side of his nose with the heel of his palm.

“Besides, you got cake for your seventh birthday, buddy,” Reiner groans as the boy twists in his arms. “You’re getting heavy. What are you feeding him?” he adds, smiling roguishly at you and you roll your eyes as Alina and Anya approach, sun hats protecting them from the glaring sun. Alina, grocery bags in hand, waves. Anya, who’d been the one to shout, tucks her coin purse back into her bag before flashing you a great big smile.

Only fifteen and seventeen. You can barely recall what it’s like being that young anymore, but you’re grateful they didn’t spend it the way you did. They get to know beauty, and no limits at all. The former comes naturally, the latter is partially because Reiner spoils them rotten.

Alina picks a flower with velvety purple petals from a bouquet she cradles in her arm, extending it to you.

“For good luck,” she says. “And protection.” Your heart melts at her words and you pause for a moment, looking from the gorgeous bloom to Reiner, occupied with the boy in his arms making silly faces at him. Then, without another moment, you sneak the flower behind his ear and he reaches up immediately to hold it against his head, turning to you in surprise. 

“To protect the both of us,” you explain.

“Thank you. I’ll be extra careful now.” He looks at the girls, setting his free hand on Alina’s head heavily and she flushes, smiling grandly. “You three behave while we’re gone, alright?”

You nod. “Listen to Levi.” 

“And listen to your sister,” Reiner adds to Alina and Xavier. The former rolls her eyes, the latter sticks out his tongue. “I’ll miss you.”

This is their home—their family that tumbles together into a huge hug, and you can’t help but stand back, watching how they all seem to merge into one unit, unaware of where one part of their reach ends and another begins.

As Reiner pulls you into the hug, your heart soars through your body, effortlessly pounding in your throat and in your fingers and everywhere at once. Liquid heat pools everywhere as Xavier screws up his face when you kiss his cheek, the same way Reiner does after he’s eaten something sour.

And maybe it’s a bit different, or a bit broken, the shards of their bloody history still poking at their heels whenever they think you’ve forgotten them, and it’s most definitely not perfect, but you would rather have it like this then anything else.

“Hey, guys!” Breaking apart, the family look over to see Armin, Annie, and Pieck walking over. Gabi and Falco meander a little bit behind, pushing Levi in his wheelchair, and Jean and Connie are running not far behind them, shouting at one another. You stifle a laugh and Xavier shimmies out of Reiner’s hold to run towards them. The girls follow after him, trying to hold back their runs but the closer they get, you can tell the more frantic they are to say goodbye.

So this is what they’ve made a peace. Something, you hope, is good.

Annie bypasses them quickly, making her way over to you and you survey her face as Reiner squeezes your shoulder, walking over to their friends. Her blue eyes are fixed on your face, and you feel your lips curving into a smile as she shoves her hands in her pockets. Her hair is swaying in the wind, gleaming flaxen, and you remind yourself, not for the first time, that Armin and Annie’s kids, if they ever decide they want them, will be gorgeous.

Hope for the future, and all that.

She stops in front of you, tucking a strand behind her ear.

“So,” she says at length, “we’re going back to Paradis. I’m surprised you decided to come with us. You don’t owe any of us anything.”

“I know. But… you’re my best friend. You do the talking, I fly the getaway plane, right?”

“Yeah. There used to be a time when it probably would’ve been the opposite.”

You nod, and they stand in silence for a moment, watching each other. Two women who should not have been friends, but were against all odds. You don’t think you would be here today if it weren’t for Annie.

Your heart lurches and you take a step forward just as she does, her mouth open to say something. You throw your arms around her and she lets out a noise in surprise as you close your eyes. Arms coming underneath yours, her hands dig into your shoulders and you smile against soft hair as she sighs, easing into your hug.

“Finally working together on an actual assignment,” you mumble and her head tilts as her small frame shifts, a hand patting you on the back as a sign for you to back up. “Just like we always said we would.” 

Bluntly: “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“You, too.” Pulling back, the two look at one another for another soft moment before you remember the bag in your hand and you shift the bun up in the bag, extending it towards her. “Want some?” Her eyebrows rise in faint delight, before she’s reaching over, pinching and tearing a piece off. 

You grin and do the same and you gesture for her to come stand by the rails with you, stuffing the bag into your coat pocket. Leaning against the warm metal again, you hear a seagull call. The plane you’ll be flying to Paradis floats on the water, the technicians giving it the final check before you take off.

If anything goes wrong while you help prepare and oversee accommodations for the rest of the ambassador group, you’ll remember to fire the black signal flare, but you trust Historia. You trust your friends.

You glance over at them, all laughing, and you notice that the flower has gone from Reiner to Pieck, who’s taking it out of her dark hair to tuck it into Jean’s, and his cheeks redden as he brushes it more securely behind his ear.

Annie catches your attention again, pointing out idly that they’ll have to separate soon when they finish with the plane, and you tell her to just wait a couple minutes more as Reiner catches your gaze. Setting Xav, who has somehow wormed his way back into his arms, down, he walks back over to you, and his hand trails purposefully over your back before resting at the nape of your neck, a reassuring weight on your body.

“You guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Annie replies. “You have a clingy boyfriend,” she tells you. 

“I think it’s charming.”

She rolls her eyes. Reiner smiles, and you pat the railing beside you—silent invitation. He leans in on your other side, clasping his hands and watching the fishermen pull themselves to shore, singing a tune to each other—one familiar to all three of them and one that you wish you could get out of your head. 

“Soon may the Wellerman come…”

A faint breeze tickling at your fingertips as a sharp call for embarkment splits the harbour, you simply sigh and look over at Reiner. “I just want these last few moments to last.” His eyes meet yours, and he leans forward to press a kiss between your eyes. Annie lets out a soft noise of disgust and you bump your hip against her as Reiner pulls back.

Closing your eyes and lifting your head to the wind, you can almost imagine the one person missing standing on the other side of Annie, dark hair like spun, stained bronze and eyes like warm chocolate. He’d smile and tell them not to worry in that sincere way of his that makes you believe every word he says—as long as they were careful, they wouldn’t walk into any traps.

Your chest aches, and your lips tug into a heart-wrenching smile as you begin to sing along. Reiner slips a hand in between yours, pressing his temple against your head and you loop your other arm through Annie’s.

She rests her head on your shoulder, listening to your voice, eyes on the sailors bringing in their haul below them. Reiner hums the shanty softly, distractedly, eyes cast across the sea.

You tilt your head up to the sky, at the stars you cannot see but will join one day, and smile.

[mqnasluvr]

heya ! i heard you were new around here, could i request headcanons of enemies to lovers with kaeya and childe ? any pronouns are fine ! they’re so annoying i hate how i love them nevertheless,, thank you belladonna and take your time <3

enemies to lovers | kaeya alberich

pairings; kaeya x gn!reader

mentioned; jean

warnings; enemies to lovers but it’s pretty one sided, spoilers for kaeyas backstory, no beta we die like men, a lil bit of kaeya slander im sorry i had to, gn! reader

word count; 2k

a/n; where did kyquu go? :( i hope they at least see this.. i didnt finish childes part but i wanted to push this out as soon as possible. :(

kaeya

to put it simply, your relationship with kaeya was... tiring.

you had been close to kaeya and his younger brother for years, them being your closest and most trusted friends throughout part of your childhood and teenage years. but that all came to a halt when the former admitted to being a spy from khaenri'ah.

in no way or form did he expect for you two to forgive him— but actually seeing your broken and betrayed faces hurt him more than he thought it would, and the image still haunts him to this day.

you had separated yourself from the two brothers. although diluc didn’t do anything wrong, you didn’t want to pick between them ( even though you really should’ve ). that decision was too hard for you to make.

for years, you stayed out of touch with kaeya as he continued to climb the ranks within the knights of favonius, and you followed, much to your dismay. you worked hard to become a knight, and you weren’t going to quit just because of some bad blood between you and your superior. ( props to you for maturity )

he wanted nothing more than to reconnect with you, and maybe even diluc— but that was wishful thinking. diluc ragnvindr was a stubborn, hardheaded man, and getting past that exterior would be no simple feat.

so, he opted for ( not so ) subtly courting you— giving you the occasional wave whenever he saw you walking through mondstadt, offering to help you train ( although you declined every time ), and other small things. you question why he chose to do this now of all times, after half a decade of not speaking to each other.

you weren’t sure how to feel, but it made you agitated. not seething with rage, but it did annoy you to see his lazy grin whenever he walked into the angels share and saw you sitting in the corner of the room. it annoyed you whenever he did that stupid two finger salute before walking off, and archons, did it annoy you when he patted your shoulder after sparring as if you were the best of buds.

then why did your thoughts never stray from him?

that question, you couldn’t answer.

and so, you resorted to treating him like he didn’t exist. it was rude, but you couldn’t really think of anything else. avoiding him like the plague was the one thing you were good at.

as if things couldn’t get any worse, one of your worst nightmares came to fruition.

“jean, please. why can’t i do this mission with you? why... him?” you were basically at the acting grand masters feet, head in your hands and pleading up at the woman. she felt bad, but there was nothing she could do.

“i’m really sorry y/n. but i’m too busy with other things, and kaeya happens to be available. you know an ordinary knight wouldnt be able to take this mission,” her guilt worsened when you looked up at her with ( fake ) tears in your eyes. she kneeled to your height.

“i don’t know of your history with kaeya, but please, just put it aside for this one mission. it shouldn’t take you very long.”

jean helped you stand to your feet, the frown etched into her face growing deeper when she saw your shoulders slump. “alright, fine..i’ll try-”

“jean! have you seen y/n— ah, there they are,” kaeya waltzed in without so much as a knocking, making you jump in surprise and shoot a glare at him. he flashed you a lazy grin.

“speak of the devil..” you muttered.

“are you ready to go? we don’t have much time.” the mission you were assigned was to gain intel on what the fatui were planning. to get said intel, you had to sneak into a gathering held by the fatui. the dresscode was rather expensive— more expensive than anything you owned— so to help you out, kaeya took the liberty of purchasing an outfit for you.

kaeya dropped it into your arms. “change into this. don’t want to show up to a party wearing uniform, do you?”

“thanks...” your face felt warm from embarrassment, but you did have to admit, that was considerate of him.

he laughed and waved his hand, shaking his head. “let’s get going, yeah?”

—

you finished getting ready with the help of jean. she sent you one last apologetic gaze before walking you out the door, waving at you both.

kaeya didnt even hide the fact that he was checking you out. his eyes raked over your attire, before sticking his arm out for you to hold. “my, my, you look quite impressive, y/n. is everything suited to your tastes?”

you huffed and walked past him. “the corset is too tight, and the shoes are too small.” you were only half lying— the corset was a bit uncomfortable to move in, but he got your shoe size down to a T. how? you didn’t really want to know.

“if that’s the case, i can loosen it for you-”

“no.”

kaeya laughed it off, and you only grew more irritated. “come now, y/n. don’t be so stiff.”

“i am perfectly content with being stiff, thank you. now hurry up, i want to get this over with,” you muttered the last part.

you didn’t want to admit that you were struggling to take your eyes off of his attire. he was clad in a white suit with blue complimentary colors to match your own outfit.

you rolled your eyes. ‘of course he’d get us matching outfits.’

but, you didnt find yourself minding all too much.

—

the party looked like any other party— fatui agents littered all over the residence, along with guests in fancy clothing.

you tugged on your sleeve, feeling uncomfortable and out of place. but on the outside, yourself and kaeya blended in pretty well.

because kaeya was such a well known figure, he had to change up his looks a bit. no eyepatch, ( i know, so uncharacteristic ) and he used contacts to change his eye color to a darker shade.

he also put that disgusting rat tail away.

so he didn’t look completely different, but he looked different enough.

...the change was nice.

you couldnt help but feel watched though. but that was to be expected. even though you felt somewhat secure in this situation, anxiety rests for no one. it rested in the pit of your stomach dormantly, waiting for a moment to bloom.

looking around the ballroom, kaeya found people dancing in the middle. deciding that it was better to at least enjoy the party before leaving, he stood in front of you and held his hand out, bowing.

“may i have this dance?”

“who do you think i am-”

kaeya flashed you a cautious glance, head nodding towards a fatui agent who was keeping their eye on the two of you. holding back a sigh, you placed your hand in his. he grinned.

“thank you,” he said. you grunted quietly and held back a roll of your eyes as he dragged you to the middle of the dance floor.

“attention whore,” you muttered, feeling warmer as he placed his hand on your lower back and pulled you in closer.

“you wound me, y/n.”

“you deserve it. i wish i could slap you.”

he stayed quiet. maybe too far?

you shook your head. no. there was no way you we’re going to let yourself feel sorry for him when he was literally a spy.

but he feels honest enough.

sure, his intentions at first were.. questionable. but he’s changed for the better. kaeya has been in mondstadt for years now, and khaenri'ah fell ages ago. his love for mond shouldn’t be doubted for a second, even if he hides it quite well.

before you could look up and make sure your words didn’t hurt him too badly, he leaned down near your ear.

“we have to go.”

“what-”

“i’ll explain later, but we have to go,” he grabbed your hand and pulled you through the crowd.

you didn’t notice, but several of the fatui agents were watching you. you didnt change your looks as much as he did, opting to use simple touch-ups to make yourself more presentable. but it wasn’t enough.

“hey!” one of that agents shouted, and kaeya turned his head back to see how close they were. like he suspected, they were following gou. they pushed through the people, even going as far as knocking one man over, just to catch up.

you hurried your steps along with kaeya, almost sprinting to keep up with him. his grip on your hand was firm though. you two dashed up the stairs onto the third floor of the residence, where the bedrooms were. offices, libraries, bedrooms— they were all there. kaeya picked a random one and shoved you both inside.

it was a red themed bedroom, the lights dim with papers scattered along the desk on the other side of the room. “it seems we’ve gotten lucky,” kaeya joked, skimming over the papers. they were letters, between the fatui and some unknown source. kaeya stashed them in his jacket.

you didn’t understand how he could joke at a time like this. you still arent in the clear and you could hear rapid footsteps coming upstairs. “kaeya—!”

“you know how you said you wanted to slap me?” he said while tucking the last bit of papers into his suit. he didnt even give you a chance to answer. “you can, after this.”

you were confused, but when he backed you up against the wall and pressed his lips to yours, that confusion turned into anger, then more confusion, then understanding.

sighing when you finally caught on, he pulled your body closer to his and you wrapped your arms sround his shoulders. he tugged and nipped on your bottom lip, and if you didnt know any better your knees would be knocking. he was almost too good at this.

suddenly, an agent— a female one, this time— barged in. “have you— hey! take that shit elsewhere, lovebirds!”

kaeya hid your face in his chest, grinning lazily at the woman. his lips were swollen and his eyes were lidded. the woman blushed.

clearing her thoat, she held up a picture of you. well, moreso the back of your head. “have you seen this individual?”

he stared at the woman, then glaced down at you. “..sorry. i’ve been busy, i haven’t seen anyone of the sort. wish i could help,” he shrugged, and the ladies blush worsened. “o-of course..” she muttered, before closing the door and locking it.

kaeya snorted at the irony. he looked back at you, who was still touching your lips with your fingers.

“was i that good?” he chuckled, and caught your hand when you moved to slap him. his laughter died down and he looks oddly serious.

“y/n, we need to talk..”

“...no we dont,” you turned your back to him. he put his hand on your shoulder.

“yes,” he sighed. “we do. i know you didnt want to do this with me-”

“kaeya..”

“-and really, i understand. but i’ve changed, and i know you’ve noticed. i dont want you to hate me forever-”

“kaeya-”

“and you can’t-”

“kaeya!” you nearly yelled. he finally stopped talking over you. “i don’t want to talk about this right now. can you just drop it?”

“then when?” he narrowed his eyes. he laughed humorlessly when there was no reply.

kaeya’s eyes softened the longer you stayed silent. he gently grabbed your wrist and pulled you in for a hug. “...sorry.”

“could you please shut up,” you mumbled into his chest. he laughed softly.

“i know you’re wary right now. but all i ask for is a second chance,” he pulled away and hend your hands together in his. “...please.”

it was an odd sight, seeing him this vulnerable. then again, there was a good chance he was faking it to get on your good side but.. for some reason you found it hard to believe that. he looked truly sincere.

you groaned.

“you better not make me regret this.”