#i thought it was funny and therefore worth sharing like... why are you like that just go eat with your bestie stop brooding

[orikeepitasecret]

"It's strange, Gwen," Arthurine muttered without turning from the window. "How about place I once called home now feels like a hostile land."

"Aren't you going to eat, 'Thrine?" Gwen asked instead of answering.

"Any number of people want me dead. No." She replied.

I know when I wrote this it was meant to be a very serious scene, but now it just makes me laugh like-

[oneatlatime]

Appa's Lost Days

Dare I hope?

You know, if ten year old me had turned on my TV to watch my weekly dose of Avatar and been greeted with a nearly two minute long uninterrupted sequence of a frightened and distressed animal being mistreated, that TV would have turned right back off again.

I don't buy that a ten tonne bison who has the leverage of his own weight as well as his airbending abilities would succumb to so few people.

Name one other character that Avatar has presented as so thoroughly without any redeeming characteristics. Even Zhao was at least kind of funny. Everything about the chucklehead on the left is rotten to the core. "What's your dad going to do when he finds out we broke his stuff while doing crime?" "Nothing. It's not his stuff; it's previous crime."

I thought beetle-headed was a commentary on their intelligence, but it's actually a description.

I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that I should have waited to get my hopes up until I came to an episode called Appa's Found Days. Is this whole thing going to be a series of near misses with the Gaang?

You know, if I had a nickel for every time an animal companion on this show has been threatened with a trip to the butcher's, I'd have two nickels. In the space of two episodes.

This is not fun to watch guys.

Not if I break you first asshole.

The way this Nurse Ratched type circus guy says "earn it" is chilling.

Of course the Fire Nation would find a way to turn bending into animal abuse. Of course.

a) that cage is way too small b) who knew cabbage suction could be so cute?

Completely unsubtle parallel with the boy here, right down to the complete disregard they show to the threats thrown their way.

Stubborn and wilful are not adjectives I would use to describe Appa this episode, or ever.

Wind buffalo. Wind Buffalo. Really? Was Fart Cow taken?

That's a very relatable facial expression.

That makeup and costume is awful.

Now that's satisfying.

Is the Fire Nation kid voiced by Aang's voice actor?

Nevermind. THAT'S satisfying.

I was right - this episode is Appa always being a step behind the Gaang.

Baby Appas! This almost makes this episode worth it!

It's funny how a single feature can contribute so much to a character's design. Arrowless Aang is just some kid. Let me rephrase that, since such a big part of Aang's character is the fact that he's just some goofy kid. Arrowless Aang is indistinguishable from other kids for the first time this series, because every other time we've seen him on screen he's either the only child airbender with his arrows, or the only airbender left.

Lady monks. Nuns? I don't think I've seen those before.

Appa and Aang share a dreamscape? That could be useful.

There's dumb, there's really dumb, and then there's 'wake a completely asleep and therefore harmless unknown creature with threats of violence' dumb.

Close call for Iroh. Do you think he's suspected that Appa (and presumably the Avatar) haven been in Ba Sing Se this whole time?

Bipedal Appa is strange. A very effective fighter, but strange to look at.

I'm amazed that giant boar thing walked away from that.

And now they're hitting me with an 'Appa's given Up' montage. Someone who works on this show hates me.

*Heroically refrains from ranting about the impracticality of using white fabric for an active warrior's glove.*

"This could be our most important mission yet." Foreshadowing?

Did Suki and Appa actually meet at any point in the Warriors of Kyoshi episode?

Turns out 'Aang' is a magic word.

Appa kisses!

Appa is apparently legally banned from having anything good for more than five minutes. Although it's good writing that they're using a previously established weakness - Appa's shedding - to bring the danger ladies back in.

I guess they have Azula drop the line about her brother to remind the audience of who she is, but surely Suki's like "Who are you? Who's your brother? Why should I care?"

Azula going after the Kyoshi warriors is completely unnecessary right? The Avatar isn't there. Neither are Zuko and Iroh. It doesn't even net her Appa. She's just looking for someone to beat up.

WOW this is bad writing. Like really bad. My Immortal levels of bad.

Would it be too much to ask for the Kyoshi warriors to do even slightly ok against the Azula ladies? Couldn't they at least get a couple of hits in?

Kudos to Suki for essentially sacrificing herself and her warriors to save Appa. 'Most important mission yet' was a bit on the nose.

Out of options, Appa goes home. Ouch.

Someone explain this to me. Air Bison teething ring?

My what a human sounding cough you have buddy.

This is why you don't use Air Bison as guard dogs.

I like what this Guru is saying. Fear displacing trust but not love feels more accurate than how I usually see the consequences of trauma discussed.

The music playing throughout this sequence fits so well. I think it's some sort of metal thing you hit - I want to say a variation on tubular bells, and maybe something Glockenspiel adjacent? It's unlike anything I've heard in this show before and it fits so well that I'm nerding out a bit.

Disney princess Guru. Aang has Disney princess moments too. Maybe it's an Air Nomad thing?

No wonder the monks built a temple here. Even destroyed, it's gorgeous.

And Appa decides to trust again. I love it when an animal visibly comes to a decision about your trustworthiness.

This energy reading stuff makes sense given that Aang and Appa already share a dreamscape.

He IS a great beast. The best!

OH COME ON

Someone whip up a wanted poster for Long Feng: Cattle Rustler. It had also never occurred to me that he was an earthbender.

That flip move with the earthbending platform must have caused Appa to land on his back. I bet that hurt.

One of the times I am very grateful that the closing credits music is so upbeat.

Final Thoughts

@aboutiroh I see why you recommended I save my chocolate for this episode.

The Tale of Momo was really just a preparatory taste of things to come, huh? Almost a microcosm of this episode.

This is the first episode where I had to take breaks while watching. Especially the circus sequence, I think I got up twice to do things like get a cup of tea and stare randomly out windows at squirrels. I didn't even have to do that with Zuko Alone, despite freaking out a lot about it, because at least that episode took breaks from the child abuse to check in with Aang being miserable. This episode was unrelenting.

If I had seen this episode when I was the age of the target audience, this may well have turned me off the show for good. If my Mom had seen this episode, I would have been banned from watching the show entirely. Not a decision I'd agree with, but my Mom is the type of person who banned her kids from watching Bambi.

To watch through all of that unrelenting animal (at best) unhappiness, and still not get Appa back at the end of the episode? That's a bit much. It's not often that this show ends its episodes without at least a little bit of something positive.

Once again, the music did a lot of heavy lifting this episode. The animal noises weren't quite as emotive as the ones in Momo's Tale, but Appa's face is more expressive, and more was shown through his expression than through Momo's, so I feel like this episode had just as much non-verbal animal communication as Momo's Tale.

I think I'm renaming season 2 "the Suki redemption arc." I really didn't like the Warriors of Kyoshi episode, and I didn't like what her character did in that episode. But every time Suki appears in season 2? She absolutely nails it.

The show since losing Appa has taken to wallowing. Even with bright spots like the poetry bouncer, the overall tone since Appa's appanapping has been ever more dark. If this keeps up for many more episodes, it will no longer be fun to watch.

Somehow I don't think this one is going on my rewatch list.

[little-lightning-lavellan]

NEW CHAPTER! KISSING???

Between getting Covid and this chapter ending up twice as long as originally intended (I had very important things I needed to make sure were communicated, okay?), this took a hot minute to get out. But, I hope it was worth the wait, because after 128197 words... it happens. 👀 Here be a snippet right before it all goes down:

“You know that I’ve got a good memory, ma fen, you know that. I don’t forget things easily,” She was back to nicknames, it would seem. “Well, do you know what Garrett Hawke told me when he first arrived?”

Had she scooted closer? No, that was just the way the shadows cast across them from over the wall. Surely, there was no other explanation.

“Tell me.”

“He told me,” A snort. A snort! Mellan covered her nose with one hand and squeezed Solas’ with the other, eyes closed and face cast to the ground. “He told me, that my symptoms - oh, you won’t believe a word of this - that they mean, that I’m smitten with you!”

Solas’ eyes felt wobbly.

Ah, well--that was a new sensation. He wasn’t altogether sure he’d felt that before; not in a context like this, at any rate.

Give him the credit of maintaining his composure, the world within him shook with greater violence than a Titan fighting against the bonds of--

Is this how adolescents felt? Real, true, young people? Was it always so stifling hot?

“Oh, and Solas? Solas, the best part. You’ll find this funny,” Did she even realize he wasn’t laughing? Of course not, ragged hand covered giggling mouth and she hadn’t looked up to him once since she’d started. Was he to stop her? Let her continue? Did this manner of ‘announcement’ count towards that finish line he had promised he would meet her at one day? Was this the correct path?

Ironically, she was a balter from his own path, but an enrapturing one that left him dumbstruck with each new revelation of hers. Like an impatient reader he wanted to skip ahead just a few of her pages. Have her spoil the story and tell him what lay ahead.

“He said that,”

‘What comes next?’

“That you were a ‘lucky guy;’ that we were more than dear friends.” Another giggle and their shared fate was sealed. “As if, oh, my goodness, as if you were smitten with me as well!”

Mellan shook her head for a final time, before, at last, she raised it up to meet Solas’ eyes.

“But, that would be silly, wouldn’t it?”

She hadn’t actually thought much on what she expected to see when she opened her eyes. Perhaps a smile, a shared laugh, but not a stare. Not a look from her friend that held something deep and lurking just beneath the surface of murky waters.

Not something that made her wonder if the petname she’d given him of ‘fen’ was a bit too apt, and that if she moved too quickly, some emotion would snap; and oh, dear, Mellan was nowhere near ready for whatever that emotion might be.

“W-Wouldn’t it?” Had she actually spoke aloud, or simply thought the words? Mellan supposed she might have mouthed them, let them fan across her teeth. It took a real gulp of purest bravery for her to truly speak heartily again. “S-So, um, academically. Academically… my symptoms.”

‘Spirits, even my nose feels like it's on fire; I probably look like a tomato to him. Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? Why couldn’t I just learn the blasted dance and be done with it all?!’

“Thought? Your thoughts?”

Peculiar, even by their standards, Solas held a single chuckle in his chest. Barely hiding his lip, he rested fingers upon it to shield the smallest smile as he turned to think.

“My thoughts,” he began, a twinge of well-measured mirth to his tone. “Are that Ser Hawke is far more attentive than I gave him credit for.” And that he could now confirm that he had been a right prick to the man, but that was neither here nor there at this point. 

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Mellan take a gulp for air, most likely absorbing the information he had technically-not-confirmed - and, therefore, was still following his own personal set of rules - but, also not at all denied. The blessing was that he knew she was smart, and that she knew precisely what he was getting at, all with his plausible deniability still perfectly intact.

He still was just as much of a prick, wasn’t he?

“A--hm,” She nodded, readjusting herself yet again, back straightening. Solas could see how her shoulders rolled back beneath her braids like branches beneath leafy willows, how her chest rose and fell across the skin exposed above her ill-fitting tunic. “I see. So, then, I suppose you are suggesting that Garrett’s observation was, ah, correct?”

“No, I am declaring it.” To him it was not a subject for debate.

Read the rest here on Ao3!

I hope you guys are excited and enjoy because holy moly I’ve been fucking amped for this jerhbuerbgueibguearburbygber I really hope it was worth the wait and this chapter is enjoyable D’x Love y’all!!

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[whentherewerebicycles]

ok midday UPDATE here are some Good Things:

faculty retreat was fun albeit full of Characters lol. they are such a funny species of human. i was telling macky some of them behave like they are simultaneously the most important people in the world AND the most oppressed... like deposed royalty or something. but i learned a lot about our first-year programming and got to meet some interesting people. plus my table had just finished a summer discussion group exploring the idea of implementing specifications grading in their courses and i was like omg i did specs grading and i loved it!! and then they had lots of questions about how it worked in my classrooms which was fun and made me feel briefly like A Teacher again lol

i don't like it when people act like i'm a total nobody until i say something smart & then it's as if i suddenly materialized in their field of vision and they're like oh wait who are you. i hope i never make people feel that way no matter how Important i think i am!!!! but i have to admit there's something satisfying about the challenge of being like "ohhh got it ok this person is clearly telegraphing that they don't consider me worth paying attention to in the slightest. i bet i can convince them i am and i bet i can do it not by monologuing about myself but by practicing the kind of active listening everyone in this room is starved for & asking really thoughtful questions & making connections to things they'd shared earlier that they thought no one was listening to. i bet i can make them feel Heard." and i did that with two people today lol they barely gave me the time of day for the first hour or so but by the end they were both like let's get coffee and keep talking about this why don't you come to my class this quarter why don't you come to this meeting my group is having. like i get ittttt sometimes you don't want to engage with a rando and it's not personal lol but it is still satisfying to be like ok i won you over and therefore i win. liz says not everything has to be framed as a competition but it does make life into a more interesting game.

i am wearing my new black jeans from everlane and every time i catch my reflection the mirror i'm like DAMN girl you look good. gosh they are just soooo flattering and so much more comfortable than skinny jeans. plus i feel like you can dress black jeans up a bit with a work top so i still feel Professional. also my new slip-on sneakers from old navy arrived today and i feel like they are gonna be the perfect way to wear comfy shoes at work but not look quite as casual as my white sneakers do. tbd but i have high hopes

i cleared a bunch of emails off my to-do list! this was virtuous procrastination as i am avoiding finishing the PPT for thurs lol but i think i can probably get the PPT done tonight in under 15-20 min if i just do a burst of work before bed. so i am freeing myself from having to do it RIGHT NOW at work.

it's beautiful out.... fall is so beautiful here.... gosh it's so nice and i think i am going to go home a bit early & walk the dogs since i worked late last night and will do some more work tonight too

my hypercompetent coworker is probably leaving sigh but my other hypercompetent coworker is staying and today she was like i got asked to serve on this board and i could definitely do it but i think you should do it for XYZ reasons, and that was nice. i mean i know it is added work and i'm sure she's glad to be out of it but i feel like there have been a few times where she's gone out of her way to be like "this opportunity is going to be good exposure for you/a good way to meet people/a good way to show people what you can do" and i really appreciate that. everyone else has been here so long and i am still so new both to the institution and to this level of role! and i can figure some stuff out on my own i know it's a learning curve but i really appreciate it when people are like hey i think doing this thing would be good for your career/work. my [redacted] just cannot provide any useful guidance at all so it can really feel sometimes like i'm on my own. but i'm not!!

i know i probably literally can't be pregnant yet as implantation doesn't happen until day 6ish and it's only day 5 and anything i feel could still be side effects from the hcg shot. but i have just had little cramps and twinges all day. i hope i hope i hope i hope i hope i hope i hope i hope i hope i hope i am trying to live in the light of hope and not in despair!!! clean hope clean pain!!!! can she do it!!!

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

undefined

Every time I cut out a clip, or edit together a few clips, to share on this website, I save it to my Britcom videos folder. Which is fun because sometimes I’ll spend a night just going through random videos I have on there, and remember things that I thought were worth saving at some point. Like the time when I took an episode of The Last Leg and cut out the middle bit, because the middle was the part where Josh Widdicombe and Alex Brooker were not singing Fairytale of New York.

Well I’m having a night of re-watching whatever clips look interesting as I click through that folder, and while this is one I’ve gone back to a number of times, I have just noticed something new about it: the bit in the middle (where Josh sings alone) is so much funnier it is if you just watch Adam Hills. What I like about this clip is that Josh Widdicombe is not kidding about being bad at singing; he says he is, and you think, “Well everyone says that, but bad at singing by the standards of people who are allowed to sing on TV actually just means pretty decent at singing but not as good as real singers”, and then he opens his mouth and you realize, “Oh no, there is actually a very good reason why he almost never takes part in the musical bits of The Last Leg, and it must have taken lots of convincing for him to agree to do this one.” He is so bad, and it is extra funny if you watch Adam Hills’ full facepalm in the background at 2:55. Just sitting there going... I’ve fucked up my only good leg so I’m out of commission for the end-of-show music bit this week, the younger boys have to carry it themselves, and that’s going badly because he is so bad at singing.

Like Alex is TV bad at singing. Alex Brooker is not a singer and most people who sing on TV are, so he’s not at as good as most TV singers and therefore he normally takes a backseat to Adam, who can actually sing (possibly not quite as well as he thinks he can, but he can sing). But Alex can sing as well as most people who sing along to music in a car. While Josh is notably worse than that.

It’s a fun clip. It’s got Rosie Jones dancing, and Joe Lycett on top of a crane dressed as Theresa May, for reasons that I think made sense at the time.

By the way, do you want to see my Britcom video folder? I think I shared a screenshot of it last year sometime, but it’s grown significantly since then. The only reason all the files still fit in one screenshot is I’ve divided lots of it into subfolders. I think when I shared it last year, I said “tag yourself, I’m Alan Davies calling someone a cunt”. And that is still true.

[randomoranges]

more teacher au thoughts

EXCEPT I DONT HAVE ANYONE TO SHARE THEM WITH AT WORK, LOL. so here we are.

Ally

 Edward makes his way to the art room and finds the door open. He pops his head in and finds Étienne already seated at one of his many worktables, poking at his food. His friend scoots over to make room for him when he sees him, and Edward closes the door behind him before taking a seat.

 He’s not sure why, but Edward makes it a point to have lunch with Étienne once or twice per cycle. He never sees him in the staff room and he knows Étienne always has something to do in the art room; hence he makes it a point to see his friend and make sure he’s doing alright. There might be something about Étienne’s magnetism as well, but he puts the thought aside.

 They’re having a pleasant chat about plans for the upcoming break, when Edward notices it again.

 It is a sticker on Étienne’s file folder holder that sits on his desk. Edward had seen the sticker before – twice or thrice before – when it wasn’t hidden by one of Étienne’s many scarves or water bottle, but he always chalks it up to an illusion of his mind, for the sticker is, without a doubt, a pride sticker.

 Edward doesn’t know if he’s just that desperate for a queer friend at work, or if it’s just wishful thinking, but he keeps wanting to ask Étienne about it, even if he doesn’t know how.

 He’s not out at work (and doubts he’ll ever be, what with how conservative this school is), but the mere idea that there could be an ally of sorts is monumental. Especially when he considers the numerous staffroom conversations he’s heard over the years that make him gnash his teeth every single time.

 Obviously, he realises that just because Étienne has a pride sticker on a piece of furniture, it doesn’t mean that Étienne falls under the queer umbrella himself – regardless of whatever hypothesis Edward has. (Plus, it’s rather rude to judge based on Étienne’s long hair and the many brightly coloured and patterned shirts (and socks) the man has. This might just be his teacher persona, for all he knows.)

 Étienne’s never said anything specific that could potentially identify him as being part of the community and, anyways, it’s not as if Edward has been forthcoming with his own truth either. Therefore, Étienne is either very straight or, he’s also on stealth mode and that’s fine as well.

 Still, Edward would like a fellow queer friend – or ally – at work with whom he can commiserate with or at the very least, not have to guard his every word in fear.

 Plus, with his luck, Étienne may have thought the pride sticker was just a pretty rainbow and had put it there for that. (He really hopes not, but again, he’s heard stories. Some people really are that clueless.) And, maybe, Étienne is a fake ally. Maybe he’s okay with the idea of queer people existing so long as he doesn’t know any. Or, worse still, maybe Étienne only accepts certain types of people in the community so long as they follow heterosexual ideals. Or something. But, then again, why put the sticker up?

 Anyways.

 It’s not worth the risk.

 And yet, Edward stares at the sticker and aches for the days when he could talk about what he’d done with his boyfriend without it being cause for debate.

 He sighs deeply and looks away from the sticker and back to his lunch.

 “Are you okay?” Étienne asks looking in the direction where Edward had been staring moments before.

 “Yeah, it’s nothing; it’s been a morning.” He lies as he takes a sip from his juice box. He tries to think of anything he could tell or ask Étienne that could let him find out where Étienne stands on the whole queer question, but his mind draws blanks speckled with fear that his friend will come to his own conclusions and then denounce him out on the public space.

 It’s not worth it. Such a friendship is also not worth it, some rational part of his mind provides.

 “D’you want to talk about it?”

 Étienne’s been nothing but nice. He’s quirky and funny and Edward likes hanging out with him and enjoys their drives to and from work every day or so. He sees himself spending time with him outside of work as well, which is not a privilege he bestows to just anyone.

 “Bah, same old, really,” He says calmly. “Well, actually,” He starts and then stops. He has an idea forming in the back of his head, but he fears that Étienne will either see right through him or not understand. “I was reflecting on a situation that happened this morning.” It happened last year, but his friend doesn’t need to know that. “During recess, a student said that she is bisexual. I was afraid that some of the other students would say mean things to her. Luckily, so far, I haven’t heard them say anything. I’m impressed she felt so comfortable saying that, unprompted, but I still fear how others – students and staff – might feel or react…” He spares Étienne a glance and holds his breath for what his friend might say.

 “Wow, that’s really brave of her. I’m glad the others have been cool as well. Here’s hoping it stays that way.” Étienne sighs then and looks at his file holder. “I know we only work with younger kids, compared to the high school crowd, but I think it’s important to let them know – even if it’s subtle – that we’re safe to them…”

 There’s a shift in Étienne’s green eyes and it’s over much too soon for Edward to get a proper reading from it, but he wonders, briefly, if Étienne hadn’t been talking about himself for a moment.

 “I mean, we don’t know if they have a queer family member, or a friend, or if they’re questioning it themselves. I don’t know if you noticed, but I have a pride sticker on my file folder.” He points at it and Edward nearly laughs, delirious and relieved, but he keeps his mouth shut and looks in the direction of the sticker. “It might not be much, but it’s there, for those who need it. It’s a start, if nothing else, until we can actively talk about this in schools without being afraid we’ll get fired.”

 Edward nods and reaches for his juice box again, slightly overwhelmed. He thinks of the pride sticker he’s been wanting to put in his own classroom for years now – small and discreet, but there, for those who need it, but too afraid to put. He figures that now is a good time to do it. It might now solve all the problems of the world, but it’ll be there for those who need it.

 FIN

[singofsolace]

"Ocean's 12"... and a rant about how Clooney and the boys were assholes during press...

Continuing to make my way through Catherine Zeta-Jones' filmography, I decided to watch Ocean's 11 and Ocean's 12 (which I'd never seen before--shocking, I know!). I was mildly entertained by these movies, but that's pretty much the nicest thing I could say.

I enjoyed Catherine Zeta-Jones as Isabel, and I thought her chemistry with Brad Pitt was convincing, but ultimately, most of what we learn about her character's background is outright told to us by Rusty, instead of revealed naturally within the story, which bothered me. I wanted more screen time for CZJ so that the movie felt more balanced in its game of cat and mouse.

Also, I hope I'm not alone in saying that I genuinely did not understand the "plot twist" at the end of Ocean's 12, or rather, I understood it, but didn't understand why the writers chose to end it that way. The "oh, actually, the heist you just spent two hours being invested in? yeah, no, that was all fake. They were just going through the motions. They'd already stolen the real egg before they did the heist shown in the movie, and therefore there were literally no stakes in the heist that you just watched them try (and fail) to do. Surprise!"

I feel like that ending doesn't work for the same reason that no movie since The Wizard of Oz can successfully pull off the "it was all a dream" ending without the audience feeling cheated. And why would anyone want to rewatch the film, then, knowing that a significant portion of the movie is spent planning and performing a heist that's already happened in a different, less interesting way, off screen...?

Also, if the LeMarc reveal was meant to be as poignant as CZJ's acting was trying to convey, I really needed more screen time for her that established the stakes of her relationship to her father, and how Rusty knew things she didn't even know about her parents. Having Rusty tell us that her dad was a thief who died when she was young doesn't convey any of the emotion of that situation, and then when we see her mother's funeral, we again aren't told why that death is significant to the story, until Rusty springs that information on both Isabel and the audience at the same time. Which is why it doesn't work, because the writing keeps the audience so in the dark as to make a sudden random beacon of light seem artificial and contrived.

And don't get me started on Julia Roberts playing Tess playing Julia Roberts... whoever thought that was a "clever" or funny idea should've been fired before it ever made it to the screen.

All in all, I enjoyed seeing CZJ in another big action film after Entrapment, but I can see why she wouldn't want to return for Ocean's 13.

It's also worth noting that according to information shared from the police investigation, Catherine was being stalked and threatened by Dawnette Knight during the filming of Ocean's 12. The Amsterdam hotel where she was staying received several phone calls containing death threats and other disturbing messages that made CZJ fear for her life. She had to increase her security detail from one person to four, and apparently greeted fans from behind a bullet proof shield at one point. Crowds that gathered to watch the filming process had to be pushed back even farther than normal because of fears that someone would make good on the threats to kill her. CZJ even called her husband, Michael Douglas, at one point after finishing her scenes in Rome to say that she was so distressed by the messages she feared she was having a heart attack or a stroke. (x)

The fact that she was able to still do her job through all of that is frankly mind-blowing to me, and that's why I hate that George Clooney and the other boys repeatedly made jokes during press about Catherine having a restraining order against Clooney that made it difficult to film because he had to stay 50 feet away from her. Don Cheadle also joked in this ScreenSlam interview that the restraining order was because Catherine blew a "groping" incident way out of proportion, and Brad Pitt advised them jokingly to stop talking and "let the courts handle it."

I don't know how all of them saw her in fear for her life every day while filming and decided to joke about it during press...? Like what kind of people do that?!? Maybe I'm jumping to an unfair conclusion here, and the boys genuinely had no idea what was going on with Catherine, or why the crowds had to be pushed back, but assuming they knew at least a little bit, because it did impact filming... if my colleague was receiving death threats and was perilously close to a nervous breakdown, as CZJ later admitted she was, (she also mentioned during an interview with Matt Damon if any of the boys gave her hard time during filming, she immediately would start to cry, so they stopped messing with her right away because her reaction was "just sad"), I don't think I would joke about her filing a restraining order against Clooney for groping her...? Like there's pretty much no scenario where joking about sexual harassment is funny, but it's particularly vile to make those jokes when 1) the tabloids were already speculating about Clooney and CZJ having an affair, which Dawnette Knight used as ammunition in her death threats, so joking that she took legal action because Clooney groped her isn't going to fucking help that situation, and 2) a violent stalker was actively threatening to kill her at the time that these tasteless jokes were made...?

I recognize it was a series of jokes that were meant to be just that--jokes--but when someone is suffering, and you make them the butt of the joke, it's not only unkind, it's downright cruel.

[chibitabathasloves]

i think when it comes to learning a language it's better to learn smth fun than smth u "should" i never was able to get into spanish. and theres no real reason for me to learn lithuanian but its fun ! gl w danish !!

if you do end up reading the books i'll have to warn you of p much every trigger warning on earth ? thomas harris managed to trigger me on things i didn't even know could be a problem. so be safe out there. i haven't watched SOTL in a way that matters so i can't say anything about it (i know) or hannibal rising for that matter (havent even read the book version of that) but manhunter is also another hannibal i love ! he's in it for 8 minutes though. up to you if thats worth it. feed the book notes ! :) also i wouldnt be able to judge u for ur handwriting ! i have severe dysgraphia so i understand how it is sometimes. i can't promise id be able to read it though. (also unrelated and a bit late but if you want to share the italian will/hanna nicknames i think i'd love that knowledge)

my favorite part about NBC lecter is definitely his self control. his need for control actually. and to me the most important part about lecter is his survivability. that's why to me its always funny to think "oh old man needs his fancy silk and fine dinners, he'd crumble like feta if he didn't have them" but if this turns into serious analysis of his character then its glossing over the fact that hannibal lecter has reached almost perfect ataraxia ? like, he has perfect control at all times. he has control over the situation (his constant manipulation and schemes) but if the situation slips from him (getting tied up christ style and slashed at the wrists, getting kidnapped and tied up in the stables), then it doesn't matter, he still has control. because... he doesn't care ! hannibal doesn't lose his shit pulling his hair out crying screaming if his plans don't go according to plan because he's reached perfect control over his emotions. therefore he doesn't care if things go wrong, it's just another interesting thing happening in his life. if he doesn't allow himself to feel upset, if he doesn't allow himself to freak out over the loss of control, then he's never lost control in the first place, he can't get traumatized, and it's like nothing bad happened. that's why i think any upset he might have felt over the assassination attempt was played up/acted out so he could lure alana (who is attracted to pathetic men in need of fixing like a moth to the light). thats also why i think hannibal couldn't have suffered THAT much from being in jail for three years because... idk like sure it cost him something, it cost him his freedom and everything. freedom from murder. but the fact he gave it up willingly is so much more important to who hannibal lecter is - someone who will never be in a traumatic situation ever again and never get hurt again - than any luxury he might have had when he was free and has now lost. i think in comparison the s2 finale was more of a loss of control albeit partial and i think it affected him more negatively. what are ur thoughts

Okay, so I actually have my notes out, because I am an absolute little gremlin. And you're right about the sense of control over his emotions. When he had a noose around his neck he was still cracking jokes. And you're also right about playing up the trauma. If you watch him with Jack, he has his regular collar, buttoned all the way up with a tie. With Alana he wears the shirts open with a scarf to cover up the bruises that may or may not still be there. He acts like the idea of having something constricting around his neck is unappealing, but still steps into his tailored suits and ties a scarf around his neck anyways. Its a very shallow and easily seen through disguise (bruises from a noose would be much high up his neck).

When he was in the straight jacket at the pig pen he only had eyes for Will. Understanding that despite the fact that Will could easily dispose of him, it is still not the reckoning he was promised. So its only a matter of time until that happens. Its part of the reason I think he ledt Will unconscious while abducting Mason. A lot of season 2 is about the pull between Will and Hannibal I think.

The culmination of that tug of war leads to the first time that Hannibal is let down. It was a loss of control over his emotions, after all, one cannot help with who they fall in love with. He thought that Will would join his side, or kill him. Instead he had to deal with Jack Crawford in his kitchen. Hannibal smelled the betrayal on Will’s skin and gave him a choice. But what Hannibal couldn't see was Will trying to sort out his affairs, asking Freddie to not write about Abigail, to only write about him. I think Will was getting ready to leave with him, but unfortunately due to Jack it was taken from him in the form of a knife wound. Gutting him in the literal sense compared to the emotional gutting Hannibal received.

I think the second time he is let down is around the time that Will decides that he doesn't want to know where Hannibal is. Will went to forgive Hannibal, to see if he could love him, even if he wasn't aware of the love he carried just yet. And he was met with a bone saw and the promise of having his brain eaten. Will had enough, but Hannibal thought they could move on from it. I think that Hannibal knew that despite the fact that Will said he was cutting ties, that he didn't mean it. It's really hard to tell, but Will isn't making eye contact. And I think that's really telling.

I think that part of the reason that Hannibal gives himself up in front of Will is to show that he doesn't need all the trappings, just Will's regard. Its a cheap shot, but it clearly works. He seems to grow into his ability to roll with how his love for Will makes him feel. Reveling in the unpredictable nature of it and the man who causes it. I do believe Hannibal when he said he has found Will in his mind palace, victorious. Even if its just a shade of the man he desires. Which is why I agree that the S2 finale was much more rife with trauma for them both.

I am going to stop rambling now before this turns into a dissertation oh my god

[arrowpusher]

Book Review #4: Everything is Fucked, A Book About Hope (by Mark Manson)

For a long time, I had wanted to read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, but it's always checked out at the library. I read the author's other book which also has good reviews.

I've heard of the concept of "caring too much". It sounds narcissistic, but I feel like my perfectionist mindset makes me OCD and uselessly stress over the tiniest details. I thought this would be a good read for myself.

I read ~3/4. It was the only entertainment I brought while waiting all day for a concert, but still, I got bored and couldn't really bring myself to finish it. While some parts were interesting, most of it either felt like it was rambling or got too philosophical.

The basic premise of the book is that, realistically speaking, problems are inevitable.

"Hope doesn't care about the problems that have already been solved. Hope cares only about the problems that still need to be solved. Because the better the world gets, the more we have to lose."

"You blame yourself for failing to live up to your God Value, regardless of how ill-advised that God Value is. You can see this same cycle of desperation play out in all sorts of other areas. Fitness and diet plans, political activism, self-help seminars… the message is always the same: the more you do it, the more you're told you need to do it to finally experience the satisfaction you've been promised. Yet that satisfaction never comes."

"Human pain is like a game of Whac-A-Mole. Every time you knock down one kind of pain, another one pops up. And the faster you whack them, the faster they come back."

It delves into why and how we feel hope.

"To build and maintain hope, we need three things: a sense of control, a belief in the value of something, and a community. 'Control' means we feel as though we're in control of our own life, that can affect our fate. 'Values' means we find something important enough to work toward, something better that's worth striving for. And 'community' means we are part of a group that values the same things we do and is working on achieving those things."

"Here's the funny thing about value hierarchies: when they change, you don't actually lose anything… That's because 'fun' is the product of our value hierarchies. When we stop valuing something, it ceases to be fun or interesting to us. Therefore, there is no sense of loss, no sense of missing out when we stop doing it it. On the contrary, we look back and wonder how we ever so much time caring about such a silly, trivial thing, why we wasted so much energy on issues and causes that didn't matter. These pangs of regret or embarrassment are good; they signify growth. They are the product of our achieving our hopes."

"Experiences generate emotions. Emotions generate values. Values generate narratives of meaning. And people who share similar narratives of meaning come together."

It also explores feelings from a psychological angle.

"Some people's Thinking Brains have ignored their Feeling Brains for so long that it takes them a while to learn how to listen again."

"This whole 'teach your Thinking Brain to decipher and cooperate with your Feeling Brain instead of judging him and thinking he's an evil piece of shit' is the basis for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy and ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy)."

"Equalization is present in every experience because the drive to equalize is emotion itself. Sadness is a feeling of powerlessness to make up for a perceived loss. Anger is the desire to equalize through force and aggression. Happiness is feeling liberated from pain, while guilt is the feeling that you deserve some pain that never arrived."

More specifically, it analyzes how your upbringing affects your outlook on life.

"Our identities snowball through our lives, accumulating more and more values and meaning as they tumble along... The longer we've held a value, the deeper inside the snowball it is and the more fundamental it is to how we see ourselves and how we see the world. Like interest on a bank loan, our values compound compound over time, growing stronger and coloring future experiences. It's not just the bullying from when you were in grade school that fucks you up. It's the bullying plus all the self-loathing and narcissism you brought to decades worth of future relationships, causing them all to fail, that adds up over time."

"...the longer we've held onto these narratives, the less aware we are that we have them... Despite being arbitrary and completely made up, they seem not only natural but inevitable."

"The only way to change our values is to have experiences contrary to our values. And any attempt to break free from these values through new or contrary experiences will inevitably be met with pain and discomfort. It's why it is impossible to become someone new without first grieving the loss of who you used to be."

"Ideologies, because they're constantly challenged, changed, proven, and then disprove, offer scant psychological stability upon which to build one's hope."

It goes further into different stages in life, how experiences are processed, and how that leads to frustration or satisfaction. It's simplified in a diagram: Child -> pleasure. Adolescent -> principles -> pleasure. Adult -> principles

Children who are abused or coddled often end up stuck in their childhood value system. "Instead of predictable failures, his experience is just random and cruel… Therefore, no lesson is learned. No higher values are produced. No development takes place. The child never learns to control his own behavior and develops coping mechanisms to deal with the incessant pain." "People get stuck in the adolescent stage of values for similar reasons that they get stuck with childish values: trauma and/or neglect… A person who has been bullied in his younger years will move through the world with an assumed understanding that no one will ever like or respect him unconditionally, that all affection must be hard-won through a series of practiced conversation and canned actions."

"Adolescents need to be shown that bargaining is a never-ending treadmill, that the only things in life of real value and meaning are achieved without conditions, without transactions.

"Making the leap of faith into a virtuous adulthood requires not just an ability to endure pain, but also the courage to abandon hope, to let go of the desire for things always to be better or more pleasant or a ton of fun. Your Thinking Brain will tell you that this is illogical, that your assumptions must inevitably be wrong in some way. Yet, you do it anyway. Your Feeling Brain will procrastinate and freak out about the pain of brutal honesty, the vulnerability that comes with loving someone, the fear that comes from humility. Yet, you do it anyway."

And this random witty quote that I have mentally bookmarked in case I ever need a catchy snappy comeback phrase.

"I think your mind is so open your brain fell out." --Carl Sagan

I think the biggest takeaway was the concept of amor fati (This is also the name of an Epik High song; now I'm curious to look more into the lyrics).

Amor fati is "love of one's fate". "Amor fati... meant the unconditional acceptance of all life and experience: the highs and the lows, the meaning and the meaninglessness. It meant loving one's pain, embracing one's suffering. It meant closing the separation between one's desires and reality not striving for more desires, but by simply desiring reality."

"Hope for nothing... Hope for this. Hope for the infinite opportunity and oppression present in every single moment. Hope for the suffering that comes with freedom. For the pain that comes from happiness. For the wisdom that comes from ignorance. For the power that comes from surrender. And then act despite it.

"To act without hope. To not hope for better. To be better."

My critique in a nutshell: this book laments existential crises while unfortunately tripping the reader into them.

[maniacwatchestheworld]

Okay, so I have some more Subway Master brainrot things to share!

After looking at their teams in-game and some other things concerning the two, something occurred to me... Do the Subway boys (namely Ingo) know Clay...? Like... As friends? Because obviously they're likely aware of one another given that Emmet and Ingo are friends with Elesa and Elesa obviously knows the other members of her league. Plus the Subway Masters would be interested in the Gym Leaders in general as they're going to be some of the most powerful trainers in the whole region (and may even get a visit from them from time to time). But I had some thoughts that connects the two in what could be an interesting way. Because you see, Clay is the key to bringing Ingo back home.

So a few observations that I've made. Ingo's strategy in multi-battles (specifically with their second teams) seems to be to use Earthquake until everything else dies, and Emmet just has to figure out how to deal with that (which is still immensely funny to me). Ingo's signature Pokemon on his team seems to be Excadrill. This seems to be the case in part because of the aforementioned Earthquake multi-battle strat, and in other part because Excadrill is the Pokemon he's using in Pokemon Masters EX. Earthquake meanwhile doesn't really seem to be the most common move out there in Black and White, and in fact the player character can't get the TM for Earthquake until pretty late into the game. And yet literally HALF of Ingo's team is running Earthquake. So pretty obviously, Emmet and Ingo must have access to the TM for Earthquake. However in spite of these few little tidbits, Ingo is very clearly not a ground specialist, even if the Earthquake everything until it dies tactic would suggest otherwise. (If Ingo has a type preference, it seems to maybe be Steel...? Him doing doubles by himself would be a terrible idea lol.) It's just a little odd.

Speaking of odd... Ingo stole Clay's signature Pokemon! In Pokemon Masters, where you would expect characters to be using their most signature Pokemon, Clay sure as hell ain't using his Excadrill! Even though it's obvious to everyone that Excadrill is specifically Clay's signature Pokemon! Every incarnation of Clay has an Excadrill! Clay's Excadrill is the only one out of Clay's Pokemon to have its own page on Bulbapedia! And yet Clay is using Palpitoad (later Seismitoad). And Ingo is the only one in Pokemon Masters to be using Excadrill.

But all of this is just a little less odd if Clay and Ingo not only knew one another, but were friendly with each other. In fact, it actually would make sense for them to know one another. Clay does only live one town over, and when installing a subway system it sure would be nice to hire a mining company to dig the tunnels out, wouldn't it? You know. Like the mining company that Clay owns! Hell, maybe Clay took inspiration from the Battle Subway and that's why the Pokemon World Tournament became a thing! So I think that it's very probable that the Subway Masters and Clay at least know one another. And given that their signature Pokemon are the same... Maybe Clay was actually a mentor of the two Subway boys at some point. Taught Ingo how to Earthquake everyone until they all faint! Obviously Clay, a ground specialist, would have the TM for Earthquake (where the Subway boys may not) and therefore could have let them use/have it. It's possible that (and would be very cute if) Clay actually gave Ingo his Excadrill back when he and Emmet were much younger and when it was still a Drilbur. Maybe Clay knew that Ingo and Emmet would be wanting to go to Pasio to participate in the Pokemon Masters League Tournament and so deliberately chose to bring along a different Pokemon so as to not steal Ingo's thunder! There's potential for a story here... And I kinda love it! Though admittedly, this is all pure speculation. But I also do think that it's worth mentioning that Ingo's new signature Pokemon while in Hisui just so happens to be Gliscor... A ground Pokemon... One of the best ground type Pokemon to have in double battles... Especially if you're running a monotype ground team. Sure is weird that in spite of not being a specialist for any specific type that Ingo just keeps having his most important Pokemon be a ground type.

I just want to conclude this too long post by explaining what I meant at the beginning when I said that Clay is the key to Ingo returning home. Clay is seemingly related to Lian in Pokemon Legends Arceus. The hat, and the resemblance in their eyes and how curly their hair is is an indication of this. And it just so happens that Lian is a Pearl Clan Warden. Which is the exact same clan and occupation that Ingo has taken up while in Hisui. Also photographs exist in Legends Arceus! It is by no means a stretch of the imagination that Clay may have a photo of the members of the Pearl Clan somewhere. If Clay is indeed friendly with Emmet and Ingo, then he has both the incentive and part of the means of finding Ingo and bringing him back home. If Clay has a photograph of the Pearl Clan somewhere! Anywhere! Then they can know where Ingo went. And once they know where he is, then it's just a matter of reaching him and bringing him home.

[voidcat]

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notes: gender neutral reader, modern au, uni au, scara might come off as ooc as everyone is human therefore he has a... more normal existential crisis... – 1.6k

despite the creeping dread upon seeing that indigo scowl, the weekend passes a lot smoother than expected.

you more or less have scaramouche who makes sure to remain as isolated as possible to thank for this.

besides the meal times ei insists on sharing as two families, he is almost never seen. and on the rare glimpses he is, he always seems to have found something else to be unpleased with.

even when they return, the pink vixen cannot stop talking about how charming kazuha’s guitar was. the look she wears as she ‘gushes’ tells scaramouche enough to confirm his suspicions.

as morning comes and the new week begins, the two of you fall back into your silent routine, as if the passive hostile weekend didn’t exist.

one day you don’t show up for class in time.

scaramouche lets it slide, the professor in particular wasn’t keen on latecomers.

yet when it’s time for the next class, the seat near him remains empty.

This shouldn’t irritate him.

He should’ve ditched this class, just like he used to.

ten minutes in and suddenly a blue by his side, a bag dropped and he has half a mind to stop himself from turning– only to be met with eyes that aren’t yours.

Next day arrives and he knows better to spare a glance around. he scoffs, was whatever it is that kept you occupied worth the fun at least?

as the class ends, he can hear a set of footsteps approaching and your form standing before him, looking down at him.

he shouldn't even bother showing up for most classes, just as he once did. the professors with a proper sense of respect and danger knew of him, and most of them didn't care about attendance to begin with.

You offer him a small ‘morning’ and wait a second, he doesn’t return it.

and it's not like they covered anything he didn't know or a complex subject, a hard drink and a book half read before finals always does the trick.

“if you happened to take any, could I have notes for yesterday’s classes?” your voice comes out low and rasp. now that he looks at you, you seem exhausted, your face seeming to have fallen, or pulled down by an outer force and the muscles didn't have it in them to pull themselves back together.

“no.” “t- huh? why!?” the word of gratitude dies on your tongue but he hears the beginning of it.

a mocking smile begins to bloom on his face. "'why?' you are even asking?" he lets out a chuckle, as if finding the whole ordeal funny. "maybe you should've thought twice before ditching class mx. former perfect attendance." he says as he leans back with his arms crossed.

he is one to talk, you let out a frustrated sigh. why did you even bother asking him in the first place? "fine, i'll just go ask someone else then." maybe you should've socialized a little back then, regret blooms in an instant as your eyes trace over the swarm of students leaving and entering.

a groan from his direction reaches your ears just as shuffling of clothing.

"your classes end at 5, correct?" somehow despite the tone, it doesn't come off as a question.

seeing you nod, he stretches his arms in a careless air. "meet me at the library at 5.30. i'll wait for five minutes max." he states as if it's a fact and leaves it at that.

"ok." and you turn away, muttering under your breath. "damned asshole, couldn't you just give them now? is making me wait supposed to be some sort of weird punishment?"

with the day coming to an end, the library population decreasing as the hours pass, you make way to two vacant seats next to one another and wait for him to arrive.

in silence scaramouche approaches from behind and drops a notebook to the table, the force he applied making it slide to stop in front of you.

giving a side glance his way as he settles down, your hand reaches for the notebook. opening the cover, you must be unable to cover your surprise as he shoots you a look with a raised brow.

“sorry, it’s just-“ you stammer “expected to see a blank page?” he completes, his voice devoid of any emotion.

“no, actually. i was just surprised you were able to revise and make a clean copy of all that material in less than a day.”

eyes on yours, he seems to be contemplating for a moment "...what clean copy?"

hearing such a soft yet confused voice, laced with something you can only call clueless naivety feels odd with him. then his question registers in your mind, making it your turn to be confused now.

"you're joking." is all you get out.

"you've got to be."

looking down back to the page, then up to his face, you don't even realize what you're mumbling.

gaze cast down and back up, down and up– each time his face enters your line of vision, it gets more and more agitated.

neutral, annoyed, irritated– like those simple attempts of cartoon books kids make on their own.

"first your orbital muscles, now your brain stops functioning?" his condescending attitude brings you back to the reality at hand.

you roll your eyes. "you know what? yeah, i did expect to see a blank page with yesterday's date actually."

clicking his tongue, he leans back in the chair. "just hurry up and get to writing." with a hush, you take out your pen and click your pen.

"it is quite impressive you took notes this organized and neat as the class happened, though– with a heavy subject at that."

he doesn't say anything indicating whether he even heard or if he simply didn't care about your opinion. the next hours follow in silence, you working and him scrolling through his phone, picking a stray book to read or watching you write down the phrases furiously.

somehow, the dynamic between the two of you shifts after that evening. towards a route you can claim to be warmer, though the process itself is quite slow.

stopping by the library or a spot by the trees on campus inbetween classes starts to become an unspoken habit more or less.

the rest of the days pass without you knowing how he drove to his place, looking for his notebook and driving back to campus almost in a hurry, checking the clock every three minutes.

tucking away that sense of worry for making you wait at the library to the back of his mind, scaramouche slowly accepts making a friend, and the effort to keep the friendship alive, wouldn't hurt to try.

with the book finally reaching a climax, you find your fingers getting exhausted from flipping the pages vigorously. the end is nigh. everything spills one by one so beautifully, the knots untied one after another, long ribbons dancing in the air, smooth and clean–

"i doubt you have anything planned but- clear your schedule for saturday and meet me in x avenue at 6pm. make sure to wear something with indigo in it." kuni's voice cuts in and slashes through the bubble you have been wrapped in just a second ago.

what he said in a low voice at the beginning doesn't miss your attention but you let it slide.

you've had the misfortune to experince that his face of always being displeased about something reflected to his verbal communication too. yet experience brought along the talent to more or less tell apart whether he meant what he said or not– the case being the latter for you for the most part.

"i'm sorry, what?" you give a puzzled look, sounding offended, already peeved that your hopes for a quiet afternoon of finishing your book having been ruined.

"last time i checked we were halfway into a friendship status. when did we jump into dating stage, come again?" at your words, he seems annoyed. though he is quick to mask his reaction to your first sentence.

"don't get all cocky or your hopes up now." he places a hand on his hip. "i had to spend time with you at ningguang's request, now it's your turn to do the same for miko."

"'had to'? you should be grateful i still tolerate you despite your attitude." has he rubbed off on you already?

"last i checked, i wasn't the one to judge a book by its cover." he says, sounding uninterested in the conversation, dropping his eyelids in a 'get on with it already' manner.

at his words, you feel your stomach sink in. of course he still remembered it. and your gut said he'd not let this down for eternity.

shoulders slumped, closing your book in defeat, you let out a sigh. "what is on saturday anyway?"

"some stupid charity event miko organized." he sighs "and she insists i bring a plus one this time."

"why not just ditch? you strike me as the type to do so at least." giving you a glare that's somewhere between 'what the fuck is that supposed to mean' and 'shut up', he settles with tsking.

"and not one to do something for his mothers" you add with a slight tilt of your head, an amused smile beginning to bloom on your face. it sure was enjoyable to see him agitated like that.

"yeah yeah, whatever." he throws his head back and waves a hand. "the damn vixen just happens to know something i'd prefer buried in the past."

his way of referring to his mothers catches you off guard both times.

"so? are you coming or what?" he asks again, tapping a foot impatiently now.

bringing your index finger to your chin, you pretend to think for a moment. letting out a hum and mindlessly looking at the ceiling, you meet his stern gaze– the hint of desperation must just be your imagination.

letting your arms fall, you only shrug. "sure, why not?"

[tommybaholland]

hi !! i was wondering if i can request deku, bakugo, shoto, kiri, and shinso with an s/o that has a quirk that’s like toge inumaki’s cursed speech ??? thank you !! ♡

s/o with a cursed speech quirk

featuring: midoriya, bakugo, todoroki, kirishima, and shinso

salmon. enjoy :)

midoriya didn’t want to be rude and ask why you wore a face mask like shoji, but chose not to speak. he thought it was odd given that most voice-related quirks still allowed the user to speak; it was an activation power. however, it seemed like you were more guarded about it than present mic would be. nevertheless, he wasn’t about to judge someone about how they look. being the friendly and bubbly boy that he was, he took it upon himself to talk to you, which is how he found out everything about your cursed speech. it was different from any other quirk that he had observed but you didn’t feel different from anyone else with an uncanny ability. he finds your surprising tenacity attractive and believes that a quirk like yours shouldn’t go unnoticed. you’re beautiful and wonderful to him and you deserve to hear it as much as anyone else.

bakugo thought you were just ignoring him when you wouldn’t respond to his incessant yelling. it wasn’t until you said, “don’t move” and effectively immobilized him in midair that he made the connection. he found himself becoming more and more curious about your ability and its potential. he’s definitely thought about how you could end a battle real quickly by simply telling someone to die. its the fact that you stood tall and fought to a fair end with it is what made him think differently about you. he had learned all your safe words and helped create more with you so he could communicate with you. even though you don’t talk that much, still like to tease him about how kind he can be in his own way. you may be a mute but you’re a cute mute who’s still a dumbass to him. 

todoroki had underestimated your power, just like everyone else. he thought that you were pretentious for not talking and therefore made you better than others. little did he know that it was quite the opposite. he had eventually confronted you about it and when you showed him your tattoos, he finally understood. this is not an ability that someone would actively want because you could easily put them in danger. it’s a burden that you’ve had to carry your whole life but he doesn’t like you for your share of trauma. you’re very kind and lovely and funny at times. it was difficult for you to communicate at first because he hasn’t been known as the most talkative person but texting helps a lot. besides that, he’s comfortable laying with you in silence and you don’t even have to say ‘i love you’ to make him fall for you. 

kirishima genuinely thought you were shy and somewhat aloof at first because you didn’t talk at all. once he saw you in combat and using your quirk, he thought that you were really amazing. that was when he started talking to you and even though you couldn’t speak in full sentences, he still found you interesting and worth listening to. when you started dating, you liked to write him little notes and leave them in places where he would find them at some point. he really loved that you did that and has secretly kept every one he’s found, reading them every night before he goes to bed. he thinks the tattoos by your mouth are really cool and he loves leaving sneaky kisses on them. even though you can’t speak, he still thinks you’re beautiful and amazing. he’s well assured of your feelings for him but strives to let his show more everyday. 

shinso flat out didn’t trust you due to your muteness but was oddly allured by it at the same time. he observed you from afar for some time until he realized that you were not much of a threat at all. he felt stupid for thinking that you could have ulterior motives with not talking and wanted to apologize. but every time he tried to converse with you, you wouldn’t engage very much. he thought he was the issue until he saw what your quirk could do. it was similar to his in some regard and he quickly understood your wariness to others. you were never given much chance to explain yourself so he did it for you. that sparked a bond between you that was seemingly indestructible. you primarily used sign language to talk so he had tried to learn it. he learned enough to tell you how he really felt with an ‘i love you’ signed at the end. 

back to bnha night! request info here..

[cosmicclownboy]

hi- why don't you like Maria?

Oh lord.

Where do I even begin with Maria.

Season 1

Makes a joke about Alex's secret relationship being with Wyatt and finding it funny- (Wyatt who is an abusive racist dude who commits hate crimes and bear in mind she knows Alex was abused for being gay) IT'S GROSS.

Speaks about Alex's secret relationship guy being his home to Alex and literally feels his hopefulness because it is part of her alien ability and continues to pursue Michael in s2.

Maria (straight) outs Michael to Liz. That's not okay on any level.

When Liz tells Maria to speak to Alex before doing anything she ignores the advice and does what she wants.

She's really smug about Michael picking/pursuing her like she won.

Season 2

Pursues Michael at a funeral in front of Alex without talking to him.

Makes Michael's loved ones husband funeral about a relationship status

Slut shames a random woman who makes out with Michael when they were never exclusive

Enters a relationship with Michael where he has to be exclusive but she doesn't because she doesn't believe he could be faithful. That's reeks of harmful biphobia stereotypes.

Ignores Alex the whole time UNTIL she needs something.

When she appears at Alex's door she says they are even. AKA comparing Alex not telling her a secret that wasn't his to share to her pursuing the love of his life in front of him without any empathy and ignoring the whole time.

Bitches to Alex about Liz and wanting fuck all to do with her. Alex has to remind her Liz has a dead boyfriend and is struggling cause Maria only has Maria vision and lacks empathy for her 'best friends'.

Uses her mom's laptop to get the scope on Alex/Michael's relationship which reads 100% manipulative. She even says Michael is pushing you away and then proceeds to encourage the narrative where Michael pushes Alex away because she suddenly wants Michael. And of course Alex is supportive she recognises he lacks self worth and rolls over him.

Beginning of 2x06 she tries to set up Forlex to get Alex away from Michael. Once again manipulative.

Tries to make Alex feel guilty for being gay in 206 because when she was a kid she idealised being with him and had to come up with a whole new plan. He grew up in an abusive household you know that....It's not okay to say that. You know how much internalised homophobia he has.

When saying he's had good relationships provides only examples of relationships with women......................HE IS GAY.

Asks him if he would change being gay.......jfc.

Alex tearfully saying he dissociates with women because he clearly forced himself to out of internalised phobia, Maria takes it to mean she has a chance. She thinks she's the exception since a touch starved abuse victim liked to be touched by her in high school. That doesn't = consent.

When Alex, a whole ass Airforce Captain tells her it's unsafe to stay at the creepo's place she acts all I am feminist about it and this results in Alex being stabbed and Michael getting whacked on the head.

Earlier in the episode she whinges to Alex about Michael kissing another woman in front of her and how cruel it was and then proceeds to kiss Michael in front of Alex KNOWING how he feels for Michael.

In THAT scene it's clear she notices Michael's emotions towards Alex and is insecure about it. She uses Malex's feelings for each other to her advantage. She's chasing the fantasy of getting with Alex. These are two highly traumatised queer men who struggle to say no because they spent their lives in abusive environments.

Neither Michael or Alex were in a position to consent to sex that night Michael is concussed from a whack on the head . Alex has lost a lot of blood and is completely out of it. And neither would ever initiate that situation. Not to mention the assumption Michael would be down because he's bi is so harmful as a stereotype.

"I think she’s cool with her decision. She wanted some answers, so subconsciously there was an emotional comfort she needed. But she also had a little bit of an agenda. She needed some decisions made about the status of their relationships, so she thought, “Let’s throw everything against the wall and see where it lands.” I think she was just wondering if they made any progress on that front. She said it was OK for their feelings to be out in the open, but let’s just voice them for what they are. As we saw, Michael stepped up and was like, “No, I still love you and I’m with you.” Secretly, that’s what Maria was hoping for. By suggesting a threesome, she’s was basically telling Michael, “Make your choice… and I hope it’s me.” this is what Heather said about the scene. So not only was it coercive and such but she used her best friend like that with no care or empathy whatsoever. It's disgraceful.

The next day both Michael and Alex are confused by what the fuck happened. Alex due to his C-PTSD completely dissociates from the situation and Michael attempts to laugh it off despite him being hella confused. The only person who isn't confused is Maria who is listening to them from inside.

When Michael comes in she turns on the tears just in case he does want Alex afterwards. Bear in mind she is a psychic who can feel everything and she assumed Michael was going to go after Alex. Doesn't that say it all. SHE KNOWS MICHAEL IS IN LOVE WITH ALEX AND VICE VERSA. She does not care, because at the end of the day this is what she wants. She wants to win. She wants to treat Michael like this trophy that she can show off to people I got the great Michael Guerin not a relationship guy to date me.

When Michael wants to have emotional conversations she shuts it down for sex. The entirety of the relationship it has to be her way or the high way. She also recognises fairly on his abandonment issues and plays upon it, reads manipulative.

When Michael who has lost his mom and brother in the span of a few months asks Maria to be more careful about her abilities she doesn't listen. And ultimately breaks up with Michael when she can't get what she wants from him which is a yes man who will do what she says and isn't the idealised Michael she wants.

Season 3

Shits on Michael any chance she gets. She's so mean to him and he goes out of his way to look out for her.

Is dismissive of her own health despite the fact that everybody goes out of their way to help her. Liz is in California working on a way to help her. Kyle is risking his job.etc

Is fine with Liz, her best friend losing the love of her life to get a vision to prevent a murder. A vision she's only invested in because apparently in it she blames herself.

Is fine with Max or Kyle dealing with the guilt of her death had Michael not saved her.

Shoves Michael and belittles him because he's stronger then her. Infers he just sits on his ass and does nothing therefore does not care about anything....rude. There's also a weird superiority complex that her power is more important then Michaels or any of pod squad for that matter.

Creates a situation that is so bad that Kyle risks his doctors licence to give her adrenaline. Just take an ice bath or something there are a 1000 ways to give yourself adrenaline without risking your life and risking others.

Doesn't thank or acknowledge what Liz is doing for her honey has spent a FULL YEAR of her life trying to help and your just like yeah I'll let her soulmate die for my visions.

Emotionally guilts Isobel for not hanging out with her despite the fact she's hated her for two seasons and now has just randomly decided she wants to know......okay

This idea that Maria is suddenly lonely when she's the second of the main cast (first being Kyle) to have scenes with all the mains by Monday. Literally everyone is there at her beck and call but Maria is lonely??? IT DOESN'T ADD UP. Everyone's up her arse 9/10 how is she lonely everyone expresses concern and care for her ALL THE DAMN TIME. She's also narratively never had scenes that give the connotation that she is lonely. Michael has scenes that connotate he is lonely. Max and Alex do too. Maria has yet to have scenes that give the connotation of feeling lonely or depressed.

Maria comparing the alien siblings to her and feeling left out when she acts superior to them and they are literally siblings. Literally every character is somewhat left out with Pod Squad they've lived their lives assuming it's just them three against the world it's not a personal attack.

Maria is 1/8 alien at best so diluted genetically it doesn't show up and somehow she believes she has the capability of the aliens who are 100%. Say you have French DNA you don't expect to speak French suddenly.

This whole Maria never does wrong narrative and it's empowering that she's doing all of this just feels like a crock of shit tbh.

She reads like a 2000's movie mean girl.

All of my bullet points are why I don't like h Maria and it's not biased because I'm a so and so fan. Narratively she just wins up doing shitty things to Michael and Alex the most.

[favoniuscodex]

voice lines!!!

ok !!! here are nell’s voice lines (a lot are utc bc this got long)

▶ Hello - Pleasure to meet you! I’m Nell and I’m a reporter for the Teyvat Times. I heard you have a story for me? Are you willing to share? C’mon, please?

▶ Chat: Sidekick - Want to join me? I’ve always wanted a little sidekick on my adventures! All the cool heroes and stuff always have one! Granted, I don’t really have a secret identity that requires one...

▶ Chat: Truth - The world will reveal its secrets to those who are willing to find them. As for everyone else, well… they’ll just read the newest expose I post in the Teyvat Times!

▶ Chat: Leads - We can’t sniff out a new lead and answers if we’re just standing around. Just… give me a second to fix my Kamera.

▶ When It Rains - Rain or shine, the news must carry on! Just… Can you hold the umbrella while I take pictures? If the lens gets wet, it blurs the photographs.

▶ When Thunder Strikes - Haha, spooky! Hopefully we don’t get electrocuted… that would be rather inconvenient.

▶ When It Snows - It doesn’t often snow back in Fontaine, but I always enjoyed when the rivers would freeze over as a kid. I just wonder what happens to the fish. Do they freeze too?

▶ When the Sun Is Out - Beautiful weather makes the job easier! I’m usually stuck inside interviewing people all day, so I’ll gladly take this moment to soak up some sun… maybe even close my eyes for a few minutes… sit under a tree… sleep… *yawn* Oh? Was I dozing off? I can’t doze off now! There’s a festival today downtown. I should report on that instead!

▶ Good Morning - Rise and shine, darling! Evil lurks in the night and while you and I might not vanquish it, we can at least report on the aftermath! Oh..? I’m a bit too eager to find out what atrocities happened in the night..? Hm. Maybe...

▶ Good Night - Night time already? If you really insist, I suppose I can wind down. But, uh, wake me up if you hear any weird noises! If it’s any bugs though, you’re on your own.

▶ About Nell: Persistence - Growing up, my mother always told me that persistence is key to achieving your dreams! Therefore, if someone says “no” to an interview, you can ask them approximately 11.852 more times on average before they start threatening you with a restraining order! Never give up… except when the law requires it!

▶ About Nell: Reporting - Some say reporters are opportunistic fiends who only seek to further their own careers and line their pockets with Mora. Me? Do I lie? Well… my name isn’t actually Nell, it’s Eleonora… so I guess I lie sometimes, but I promise to only tell the truth and help others in my reporting! I swear!

▶ About Us: Interview - Wow, you can fight really well! Wait… you’re the Outlander? The one who defeated Tartaglia? The one who stopped Stormterror? The one who helped the Qixing fight against Osial? Oh my archons, Nell, contain your excitement! Sorry, sorry, I was getting carried away… could I interview you? Pretty please?

▶ About Us: Compatibility - Ah, you’re so cool, Traveler! With you, drama always seems to follow. I think that makes us a great pair! So, what do you want me to report on next..? Your missing sibling..? Oh. Of course! Who doesn’t love a good reunion story? I’ll gladly help!

▶ About the Vision - I bet you probably weren’t expecting me to have a Vision! Well… neither was I. A lot of people tend to have powerful reasons as to why they have their Visions and why they use them but I kinda just found mine in the way I find any other new story… by accident. Nonetheless, a great reporter uses every tool at their disposal and if a Vision was granted to me, then I’ll be sure to wield it with pride!

▶ Something to Share: Lineage - My family name is not one of great prestige, nor are my family members anything worth writing home about. I believe that the life of someone should not be dictated by who they are related to, but rather how they choose to make a name for themselves. People who hide behind the prestige of their names are often cowards and yet they often have the best sources for my news. You win some, you lose some, I guess.

▶ Something to Share: Fontaine - Want to know a secret? Don’t tell anyone this, okay? I’m not a very strong swimmer. I’m kind of scared of water, despite my Vision!

▶ Interesting Things - I break my Kamera a lot, but mechanics are expensive. If you ever break yours, I can probably fix it for you! You won’t have to pay me for anything. Just... please don’t charge me if I accidentally break it even further, haha.

▶ About Albedo - Albedo? Haha… He’s rather cute. Plus, he always listens when I talk to him! ... I think. I can never tell if I’m actually holding his attention or not… But, he thinks reporters are dumb, therefore he is dumb. I don’t care how many alchemic achievements he finds. Someone who cannot understand how important news is is someone that I cannot respect.

▶ About Amber - Outrider Amber is lovely! She’s one of the few people in the town who actually listens to all I have to say. It’s amazing, really. Everyone loves her, even standoffish Eula! If you ever need help from the Knights, Amber is probably your best bet!

▶ About Rosaria - Y’know, at first, I wasn’t quite sure if Sister Rosaria liked me. Now? … Well, I’m still not very certain. I’m nervous to talk about her. She seems like the type to have a weird sixth sense for this type of thing. She does save me when I get into trouble, though! For a while I thought she was the Darknight Hero, but I realized that Rosaria is… Ah, forget it! Let’s just say I owe her one.

▶ About Diluc: Darknight Hero - The Darknight Hero is one of the most interesting stories I’ve covered in a long time! It’s taken me down a long path of getting to know people, especially Master Diluc of Dawn Winery. Kaeya was helpful enough to point him out as a potential source on the topic. No, Diluc isn’t the Darknight Hero, silly. He just knows a guy who knows a guy, that’s all.

▶ About Diluc: Comradery -At first, I could have sworn Diluc hated me! But apparently, he’s just like that with everyone. Now, I’d say we’re pretty good friends… I think? I’m never quite sure where I stand with him. He’s both open yet awkward around me at the same time… But, he ultimately has been helpful with some of my reporting. If it was up to me, I’d say we’re the best of friends! Please don’t tell him I said that though, he’d probably say I’ve had too much to drink and cut me off for the night.

▶ About Diluc: Love - Love? Why are you asking me about Diluc and love? Gods, both you and Kaeya are insufferable about this. Wait, what? You think Diluc has a crush on me? There’s no possible way a guy like him would give me a second glance! You and Kaeya are awful about this… stop teasing me. Diluc is the type to have whole newspapers dedicated to him and me..? Well, I’m just a reporter, that’s all. Oh? You’re asking if I like him? Well, um… that’s classified information!

▶ About Lisa - Lisa makes me wish I ran a gossip column instead! Conversation with her is never dull and somehow she knows everything about everyone. Afternoon tea consists of tea in more ways than one!

▶ About Jean - The Acting Grand Master of Mondstadt is far more gracious to me than most political figures are. However, I can’t help but feel as if I’m intruding whenever I speak to her. She’s sweet, but she just seems like she has a lot on her plate and even I don’t want to add any more to that.

▶ About Keqing - The Yuheng is a very respectable figure, but if she’s at any Qixing press conference, you’re almost guaranteed to get no exciting news. She brushes off any pressing questions by saying they’re “off topic” and “irrelevant”. It’s frustrating, especially when she uses it to evade the things that really matter!

▶ About Xiao - Hey! That’s that dude that lives in Wangshu Inn! Well, I suppose he’s not a dude but rather an immortal adeptus. He’s hellbent on avoiding me. He hates my guts. I just want to interview him about his thousands of years of life! It’ll only take a few days! Why does he keep teleporting away from me? Ugh. Immortals are so haughty.

▶ About Kaeya: Trust - Oh? Captain Kaeya? He’s rather funny and is my closest drinking buddy in Mondstadt. However, don’t try to get any info out of him. He’s full of shi- haha, pardon me, I mean… Um… Kaeya likes to lie. He won’t even tell me the truth in truth or dare! You picked truth, buddy, now fess up! Sorry… I like him, I swear I do! But I guess I shouldn’t expect the truth when I ask him why he has an eyepatch. After all, even I don’t have a wild enough imagination to truly believe he was raised by pirates… although I could cross-reference this with Beidou and see if she has any information...

▶ About Venti - The bard that’s always in Dil- Master Diluc’s tavern? He’s a bit strange and, while his songs are informative, music of that style is a bit noisy and overwhelming to me. However, I do find it incredibly interesting that he looks exactly like the Barbatos statue in front of the cathedral, yet nobody discusses it. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?

▶ About Nell: I - I’m a reporter first and human second! Or… am I a human first and reporter second? I can’t remember what the boss said sounded less creepy… Well, at least I know I’m a reporter and a human!

▶ About Nell: II - Freedom of the press ensures that people always have a voice. Being a reporter can be dangerous, especially if you’re assigned to tempestuous regions like Inazuma, but it’s a job I take pride in. Information must be spread to all so the public can make informed decisions.

▶ About Nell: III - Home? Home is wherever my job takes me! Sometimes its Mondstadt, sometimes its Liyue, sometimes its Snezhnaya… oh. Fontaine? Even though that’s where the Teyvat Times headquarters are and it’s where I grew up, I wouldn’t necessarily call it home. At one point, I would have, but… things change. If I have to settle down anywhere, I would choose the wintry tundra of Snezhnaya before I even think about living in Fontaine again.

▶ About Nell: IV - Growing up, everyone always said I was a free spirit. I’m kind of like the seelies you see around Mondstadt… Yes, I wander, but ultimately I always return to the same path. Am I guarding a treasure? Haha, maybe… if you consider knowledge to be a treasure, that is. Ah, this doesn’t make very much sense, does it? I’ve never been the type to be good at poetry. I’m better off sticking to just facts.

▶ About Nell: V - My end goal..? I’m not quite sure what it is yet. I prefer to live in the moment and inspire others to achieve their dreams. News stories might not always be happy, but interconnectedness with the world allows people to discover what their true calling is. The feeling of the Kamera and notepad in my hands are comfortable enough. If I can help others understand this hectic world, then that’s good enough for me! I’m having a blast doing it, too.

▶ Nell’s Hobbies - Oh, would you like to look at my favorite articles? I have a book filled with articles and photographs of my own creation, including my very first headline article! Isn’t that exciting? It wasn’t too long ago, yet somehow it feels like it's been decades since then.

▶ Nell’s Troubles - I ran out of film again. You wouldn’t happen to have any on you, would you? Otherwise, I’ll have to go see if the gift shop has any in stock...

▶ Favorite Food - I really like spinach salads! It makes me feel like I’m a wild animal foraging for a nice summery meal. What? That’s weird? Sometimes it’s fun to imagine things, no matter how absurd they are.

▶ Least Favorite Food - Soup! I want to eat my food, not drink my food. If I wanted to drink my calories, I would just chug beer all the time like those drunkards who live in the taverns!

[robininthelabyrinth]

Good Help - chapter 3 - ao3 link

-

Everyone was required to come to the Nightless City to pay homage to the Emperor, no matter their status, and any number of sects had chosen to pay another visit during the Emperor’s absence – whether in search of profit or merely credit for fulfilling their duties, preferably without the risk of incurring their volatile Emperor’s attention.

One of those sects was Lanling Jin.

Meng Yao felt both disappointment and relief when he learned that Jin Guangshan would not be coming himself, declining on the grounds that it was just too miserable to go without his good friend the Emperor there, though it was far more likely that he didn’t want to have to acknowledge the presence of Meng Yao, standing there in the Emperor’s place. Instead, his father sent his one legitimate son and heir, Jin Zixuan, and Jin Zixuan brought his wives.

The rumors of friendship between Wen Ruohan and Jin Guangshan were exaggerated for effect, in Meng Yao’s opinion, but there must be some basis to it. Otherwise, there was no way Jin Zixuan would have been allowed to hold such a treasure in his hands: he had married the last survivors of the Jiang clan, Jiang Yanli and her younger brother Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Yanli, at least, was considered a prize, given that she brought with her the bloodline and legitimacy of a former Great Sect and had at least a technical claim to a frankly eye-popping dowry, should the Emperor ever decide to allow her to reclaim the ownership of the Lotus Pier, even if in practice the place had been rapidly converted into a pleasure palace by his second son.

Jin Zixuan had managed to win that race, having had the advantage of being already engaged to Jiang Yanli since birth, his mother having apparently been friends with the former Madame Jiang, known better as Madame Yu. Given Jin Zixuan’s character – not known to be especially good at either politics or finance – Meng Yao was of the belief, as were many people, that he had only taken Jiang Cheng as a bride in order to please his wife by saving the life of her younger brother after the Jiang sect was destroyed, since Jiang Cheng, the son of a fallen clan, represented little more than a gigantic target on the back of anyone who might claim him.

Of course, rather than admit it, Jin Zixuan denied all such rumors and maintained consistently that he had been in love with both of them, desperately, and that had been the reason he’d petitioned for the right of marriage.

(Meng Yao also heard rumors that Wen Ruohan had found his insistence funny and agreed to the match on the condition that their marriage bed be witnessed, which sounded very much in line with what he knew of Wen Ruohan’s character – he would have enjoyed forcing them to consummate their fake marriage, luxuriated in their humiliation, and laughed when they failed to look each other in the eye later. Still, what wasn’t worth doing to preserve a life?)

At any rate, regardless of anything else, Jin Zixuan was still the Emperor’s subject, and therefore he had to come pay homage the same as anyone else. Meng Yao’s brother by blood (although frustratingly not by law) had trouble looking directly at Meng Yao during the ceremony, but he managed to conduct the ritual of swearing loyalty moderately well regardless, with no indications of disrespect and perfect etiquette. It was only after, when Meng Yao had maliciously invited him to share a cup of tea to extend the duration of the awkwardness, that something broke – and it wasn’t Jin Zixuan at all.

“Is it true?” Jiang Cheng asked abruptly, the first words he’d said in this visit, and Meng Yao turned to look at him even as Jin Zixuan’s face turned pale. “That the Emperor started fucking Huaisang?”

Huaisang, Meng Yao thought, rolling the name around in his mouth – was A-Sang originally a Jiang, then?

But no, if he was, Jiang Cheng wouldn’t have that look of desperation on his face, of longing and despair; whoever this Huaisang had been in his previous life, before he’d become an Imperial Consort, he’d been someone that Jiang Cheng had been close to. Maybe someone he had even lost his heart to.

Interesting.

Or, well – interesting, but ultimately irrelevant.

“I have no insight into the Emperor’s personal affairs,” Meng Yao said, calm and placid as ever. “Especially while he is far away on a long voyage.”

Jiang Cheng scowled at him, but his sister put her hand on his shoulder and he subsided, still looking upset.

Meng Yao decided to show pity as a stratagem to put Jin Zixuan into his debt, and said, affecting a tone of mild sympathy, “I have no reason to think that he is based on his conduct before leaving, and I understand that his travels were motivated by a search for a spiritual item capable of improving cultivation. It may be that he took Imperial Consort A-Sang with him on account of the Consort’s reputed scholarly achievements.”

To the extent A-Sang had any scholarly achievements other than carting around a scholar’s fan, anyway.

Jiang Cheng still scowled, but his shoulders relaxed a little, and Jiang Yanli sent Meng Yao a grateful look.

Jin Zixuan seemed only a little moved, picking up his tea cup and continuing the former conversation without a hitch, but when everything was done he unexpectedly reached out and caught Meng Yao’s arm.

Meng Yao tensed, but Jin Zixuan took no movement against him, only looked at him. “It was an unexpected pleasure to meet you,” he said, nothing he couldn’t have said without touching, but then his hand shifted and Meng Yao felt the prickle of paper beneath his palm.

Meng Yao put a smile on his face and said some pleasantries, and as soon as Jin Zixuan left he looked at the note he’d been smuggled.

You are being targeted, it said, which – was rather unhelpful, actually.

“He couldn’t have included more details of who, what, or when?” Meng Yao complained to A-Jue later, making sure to look piteous out of habit even though he knew A-Jue didn’t believe him at all. Or at least, he shouldn’t by this point, or else Meng Yao’s lessons on how to detect a liar were all going to waste. “I don’t know if it’s because it’s me that he didn’t want to commit to saying too much, there is that awkwardness there, but it’s not like I don’t know people are trying to kill me. I’m the Emperor’s viceroy! I’ve been making changes left and right in his absence, some of them extremely unpopular –”

And yet others that were extremely popular. He’d known the Watchtower idea would win him acclaim among the common people, and that even if the smaller sects complained about the encroachment at first they would soon – or at least, eventually – realize that it was in their own best interest.

“ – and really. He left a note! Why be ominous and vague in a note?”

“Perhaps he meant something more general,” A-Jue said.

Meng Yao looked at him, and A-Jue shrugged, averting his eyes. The action – so obviously indicating that he had something to say and wasn’t saying it for whatever reason – should have irritated Meng Yao, but by now he’d grown to find A-Jue’s thorough inability to dissemble directly rather adorable. Such a big man, older than Meng Yao, and he still blushed when he tried to lie to your face.

“You can go on,” Meng Yao coaxed. “I’m not going to be angry.”

“Don’t treat me like I’m five.”

“Who’s a big boy who knows something he’s not saying? You are, yes, you are!”

A-Jue tried to look disapproving but ended up having to hide his sniggering into his sleeve. “That’s more like you’d treat a dog, viceroy Meng. Not that you’d know, given how much you hate them.”

“I don’t hate dogs,” Meng Yao said. “I gave Jin Zixuan’s eldest a spiritual dog just last year, a husky. It’s gigantic man-eaters I object to.”

“Northern mountain dogs are a bit large,” A-Jue conceded, a little reluctantly, but in fairness at his size the mountain dogs were probably proportional in size to regular dogs. Actually, A-Jue’s accent, however blurred by time and assimilation, suggested he was from somewhere to north of the Nightless City – maybe he’d drunk the same water as the dogs growing up, explaining how he reached his current heights. “And aren’t you the one who’s always saying that you only keep things from people that they don’t need to know?”

“I like being the person to decide who needs to know what,” Meng Yao said. “Now, you clearly want to tell me, so tell me already.”

A-Jue sighed. “Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the job is supposed to kill you?”

Meng Yao frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You’re the Emperor’s viceroy,” A-Jue said. “He appointed you, and then he immediately left you alone to more or less run the entirety of his domain – he gave you the power of authority, to speak with his voice. That’s a pretty big promotion from chief torturer, wouldn’t you say?”

Meng Yao would not describe being the deputy in charge of the Fire Palace as ‘chief torturer’ – prisons required a great deal of management, he wasn’t just torturing people anymore – but he couldn’t exactly say that A-Jue was wrong.

He’d enjoyed his success, but he’d been startled by it, too. He’d had to fight and scheme for every last thing that he’d ever wanted, before this, and while he’d had to do more than a bit of tussling to keep this role over the overtures of the other deputies, it did sometimes feel as though this promotion came a little too easily, too suddenly.

“What do you think, then?” he asked, folding his hands together under his sleeves so no one could see how his nails dug into his flesh. If there was one thing he truly hated, it was the scorn of others, of those who thought they were better than him.

Being schemed against was a very close second.

“Some of your policies are in fact very unpopular,” A-Jue said. “Even though we both know that they’re necessary…the Emperor would know that they were necessary, too.”

“You think he wants me as what? A scapegoat?”

Wen Ruohan didn’t pay attention to things like popularity, officially taking the position that strength was all that mattered, and yet only a fool ignored such things entirely, and Wen Ruohan was no fool.

“The Emperor is friends with Jin Guangshan,” A-Jue said quietly. “Not merely for show, and although Jin Guangshan does exaggerate it somewhat, it’s not as much as people think. Before he became Emperor, back when they were peers, they would often spend time together, do things together…and your existence offends Jin Guangshan. People laugh at him for not having accepted you back then.”

That was as Meng Yao wanted. He’d wanted to rub into his father’s face how stupid he’d been – and Jin Guangshan had done nothing, had just taken it, and in retrospect that seemed rather uncharacteristic of someone of his reputation.

“So, what?” he asked, ignoring the blood on his nails from where his flesh could no longer take the pressure. “You think he’s pressing the Emperor to have me executed for failing to live up to his expectations?”

“Maybe,” A-Jue said. “And perhaps the Emperor has incentivized others to try to make you fail.”

Having people try to kill a stand-in would be a very effective way to see how those same people would try to kill you. It wasn’t a bad plan, not really, but Meng Yao really didn’t appreciate it when it was aimed at him.

“Well, that’s too bad,” Meng Yao said. “I will not fail. I will succeed, and so thoroughly that even the Emperor will be unable to deny my success – he enjoys being thought of as someone who rewards merit, and killing me would just be seen as petty. He won’t do it. I have my brain, my talent, my competence – I won’t let him.”

Assuming, of course, that he survived until Wen Ruohan’s return.

“You have me, too,” A-Jue said.

It was a nice sentiment, Meng Yao thought, and patted A-Jue on the shoulder, and A-Jue didn’t even flinch this time. He didn’t expect that A-Jue really meant it, of course – A-Jue was a guard of the inner hall, and to get that sort of position he had to be loyal to Wen Ruohan first and foremost – but it was nice of him to say it regardless.

Meng Yao wondered, briefly, if now was a good time to let his hand linger on A-Jue’s shoulder, to turn the contact into a caress. He didn’t think he’d even need to order A-Jue to his bed at this point, although he’d be more than willing to do so if A-Jue liked things like that – he was moderately sure that A-Jue sincerely liked him, and that there was more to that liking than mere friendliness or even the stirrings of loyalty. If he asked, or even just indicated interest, A-Jue would probably come to him entirely of his own volition.

And yet…

Meng Yao removed his hand, turning the conversation forcefully to some other subject, much to A-Jue’s evident relief. He was too busy, he told himself. There was no time to spend on dalliances.

And anyway –

He’d had his fill of sharing with Wen Ruohan.

[cherienymphe]

Best Friends Forever (Fratboy!Peter Parker x Reader)

This is my entry for @darkficsyouneveraskedfor​  What’s Old is New Again Challenge! This fic is inspired by #18, “A gentleman is simply a patient wolf. – Lana Turner. Hope you all enjoy!

warnings: NON-CON, manipulation, roofie 

DNI IF THIS OFFENDS YOU

summary: Peter Parker is your best friend. Peter Parker is your only friend. Peter wants to keep it that way.

~

Peter Parker was your best friend. In fact, Peter Parker was your only friend. The two of you had been inseparable for as long as you could remember. You grew up together attached at the hip, and therefore, you did everything together.

He was there, watching in awe when you pulled your first loose tooth. You did the same when he pulled his first one weeks later. You helped each other learn how to ride bikes, double dutch, and even attempt to skateboard once. The two of you had broken so many bones together that you had lost count.

You weathered middle school together and the absolute insanity that was high school. You two had been best friends all your life, and it had never been anything more than that, so you both were equally confused when catty high school girls and bored high school guys would constantly accuse the two of you of dating. It was a thought that had never crossed your minds, and it was something you often laughed about.

There were absolutely no secrets between you two, and despite that, you still found yourself completely frozen in shock as you watched Peter slip in through your bedroom window one night during sophomore year. He was covered in bruises, and the oddly familiar red and blue fit he wore had some tears. You had stumbled off of your bed, running to grab him as he struggled to stand.

Realization hit you as he leaned against your wall, chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath, and your eyes almost popped out of your head.

“Y-you’re Spider-Man?”

It had come out louder than you had intended, and he was frantic as he covered your mouth, begging you to keep quiet. Neither one of you slept much that night as you demanded answers from him. You remembered feeling upset and betrayed that he had been hiding something so important from you, but even worse, you felt worried.

Your best friend had been put in danger so many times while you had been none the wiser. From then on, you demanded that he pass through your house to change out of his suit before going home. Not only for it to be safe for him to get home, but to put your own heart at ease too. It gave you a sense of comfort to see for yourself that he ended the night in one piece.

It was a tough secret to keep, incredibly trying to keep your thoughts to yourself as you watched his crime fighting be reported day in and day out. It was difficult to keep your worry at bay when he was late sneaking into your bedroom or to keep yourself from crying out when he was especially hurt. You were the only one who knew the truth, and the gravity of it served to further isolate the two of you.

Peter was literally your only friend and had been for as long as you could remember. What did it matter that you had never had any girlfriends, even now during college? Sure, you had always envied that special bond some girls seemed to have with each other. Of course, it bothered you a little that you had never experienced what it was like to have a best friend who could relate to you in every single way, but Peter was plenty. Yeah, there were some things that as a guy, he would never fully be able to empathize with, but his sympathy and well intentions were enough.

Besides, having a guy best friend came with its perks. Peter understood guys way better than you could ever hope to, and he was always more than eager to give you advice. Thanks to him, you could probably call yourself an expert on them, but in the end, it never did any good. You had never had a boyfriend, never even anything remotely close. Sure, it bothered you, a lot, but in the end you were grateful.

Peter saved you from regret more times than you could count. Every guy you had ever vocalized interest in turned out to be absolute garbage. At least, that was what Peter told you, and you trusted him. He was never wrong about these things. Tristan, an upperclassman that you’d had a crush on during your freshman year, had apparently been a racist creep. James from your junior year was a party animal with anger issues. Your first year of college, you’d fallen head over heels for a literature major named Logan, but Peter had to be the bearer of bad news when he informed you that the guy had a girlfriend back home and about three more on campus.

After that, you had just given up completely. You saw no point to any of it when every guy you had ever liked turned out to be awful. In the end, Peter was truly the only one you could trust. You were beyond thankful for him, and the day you could bring a guy around with Peter’s approval was the day you would know you found a good one. Unfortunately, you were starting to think that day would never come. You dreaded the day Peter would finally get a girlfriend, because then you would truly be a lonely wreck.

You found it odd that Peter had been single all this time too. This wasn’t high school anymore. In college, girls liked guys who were smart and who read and knew how to have conversations outside of sports. Add the fact that Peter had grown to be quite attractive and had even joined a fraternity, he was a catch. So it was safe to say you didn’t get it, and told him so one night.

“I’ve just never met the right girl,” he said with a shrug, distracted.

“Oh, come on,” you scoffed in disbelief. “So many great girls have shown interest in you. What about MJ? She was tall and funny and her hair-! God, her hair.”

He snorted, a faint smirk on his lips.

“I just wasn’t into her.”

“Why not?” you wondered.

MJ was practically perfect, and you had never known Peter to be nitpicky. He just shrugged, eyes focused on his laptop as he typed away.

“Peter,” you whined. “This is just sad. One of us has to start dating soon or we’ll just end up staring at each other in our old age.”

“I’ve dated,” he said, offended as his eyes cut up to you.

You rolled your eyes, flicking your pencil at him.

“I mean dating dating, not whatever it is you and your “frat bros” do every weekend. That house has seen more girls than a gynecologist clinic,” you complained.

“You know I’m not like that,” he said, shutting his laptop and setting it aside.

While he was somewhat right, he’d still had his own fair share of fun with some of the girls who went to their parties.

“You may not be as bad as the rest of them, but you can’t fool me, Peter. Remember, there are no secrets between us,” you replied, leaning back into the couch. “When are you going to get a girlfriend?”

He didn’t answer, and you continued.

“I know you want one. You’ve mentioned it several times, and I know dozens of girls that would be thrilled to be given the chance.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, giving you his full attention now.

“I just…haven’t found the right girl,” he lamely repeated.

You opted to leave it alone, skeptically eyeing him before reaching out to turn on the tv. You could feel Peter’s eyes on you, but he fortunately spoke before you had a chance to ask him what was up.

“To be honest…there was a time when I thought…you’d be my girlfriend,” he quietly confessed, almost like he was afraid of your reaction.

You looked at him, shock and disbelief coursing through you. A humorless chuckle left your lips.

“You’re kidding…”

He shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes were completely serious.

“No, I’m not. It was senior year of high school and… I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I know we were teased about it for years and the idea was crazy to us, but one day…I realized that you were the person I was closest to in the world…and I wanted to be closer.”

Your eyes were wide, lips parted in awe as you listened to this confession. You had never known, and you wondered how you could have missed it. What kind of friend were you?

“It was the only secret I ever kept from you…”

You turned to fully look at him.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

He shrugged, dark eyes studying you.

“I knew you didn’t feel the same way, so I just forced myself to let it go. And I did,” he answered.

He was right. You had never felt the same way, and you started to wonder what would have happened if he had confessed his feelings to you. How awkward that could have been… It could have ruined everything.

“Peter…I can’t believe you did that. That must have…sucked,” you whispered.

He chuckled.

“I’m not going to lie. It kind of did, but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. You’re special to me, and nothing would have been worth making our friendship weird or just destroying it altogether. It turned out to be nothing more than a crush, anyway. Just…teenage hormones.”

You felt your heart clench, wondering if you would have done the same. It must have been torture for him to swallow his feelings just to keep things comfortable between you two, no matter how fleeting the whole thing was for him.

“Really, it’s no big deal, Y/N. I’m long over it, now,” he waved you off.

You chuckled, moving past the brief shock you’d just experienced.

“I’m glad for that. If you told me you still had feelings for me, I probably would’ve accused you of sabotage all these years.”

“Sabotage,” he scoffed. “Listen, every single guy you’ve been into was downright awful. You literally have the worst taste in men-.”

“I do not!”

“You do, Y/N. Honestly, if it wasn’t for me, who knows what you would have gotten yourself into.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Just for that, you’re paying for the takeout, tonight.”

 ~

“Botany? That’s crazy! I want to go into agriculture,” you said with a laugh.

The guy before you, Harry, chuckled with you. The two of you were tucked into a quiet corner of the kitchen. The rest of the house was vibrating with a deep bass, the sound of noisy college students filling your ears. Parties weren’t your thing, but frat parties especially were definitely not your thing. Somehow, Peter had finally talked you into attending one of his house’s infamous parties, and you hadn’t even been in the building for five minutes before you grabbed a drink with as little alcohol as possible and hid in the kitchen.

It was miraculous really that you bumped into an attractive guy who was equally uncomfortable with these things. He was funny and charming, and he wanted to study plants. You tried not to get ahead of yourself, but someone else might say it was fate that you two ran into each other. Hell, you ran into each other at Peter’s frat house, so the chances that they knew each other were high. Maybe Peter would have good things to tell you about him.

As if he was summoned by your thoughts, your eyes connected with familiar brown ones as he poked his head into the kitchen.

“Peter!”

You waved him over, and his eyes flitted between you and Harry as he approached you.

“Hey, Parker. I didn’t know you knew Y/N,” Harry chuckled, taking a sip of his drink.

“Yeah, Peter and I go way back. He’s my best friend,” you said, pulling Peter over.

Your best friend was being unusually quiet, and you frowned. You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, noticing the way his eyes had hardened. Was he okay?

“Y/N was just telling me that she wants to go into agriculture. We’ll probably be taking a lot of classes together in about two years,” Harry threw out.

Peter chuckled at that, but it sounded off, and he turned to look at you.

“I figured you’d be hiding in the kitchen, so I came to find you,” Peter said, wrapping an arm around your waist.

A shudder passed through you at the unfamiliar gesture, but you brushed it off.

“Oh, you know how I am. I’m glad I ran into Harry though! He’s been keeping me company, so you can just go back to the party if you want. Your friends are probably looking for you,” you replied.

Peter had become quite popular since you two started college, and you knew that the demand for his attention was rather high. You often felt bad about dragging him down with you. You weren’t really the social type.

“Yeah, Parker, I can look out for Y/N for you,” Harry offered, a friendly smile on his lips.

You returned it and noticed the way Peter’s jaw ticked, and confusion filled you.

“Actually, I came to find Y/N so that we can go,” Peter bit out.

Your frown deepened, but you didn’t question it as Peter gripped your hand.

“Oh, okay. I guess we’re leaving. See you around, Harry!”

He waved back as Peter pulled you out of the kitchen. His grip was tight on your hand as he weaved through swaying bodies and drunk students. Again, you wondered if he was upset about something. It was Peter, so you hardly ever saw him upset. You breathed in the fresh air when the two of you made it outside, and you took the time to eye him.

“Peter…you alright?”

He took a deep breath, chest heaving before he looked at you with a smile. He looked more like himself and you returned it.

“Yeah, I’m just…not feeling too good,” he answered.

“Oh,” you sadly said. “Are you getting sick?”

He shrugged, hand in his pockets.

“I don’t know. I probably had too much to drink. Mind if I crash at your place?”

You chuckled, shaking your head.

“You’re always welcome to sleep over, you know that.”

It was quiet for a while between you two as you walked back to your apartment. His hand was soft on yours, and the way his arm kept brushing against yours brought comfort to you. You were so used to his presence, borderline dependent on it, and just knowing he was beside you was reassuring.

“I love you, Peter, but please don’t invite me to anymore parties,” you suddenly whispered, a hint of mock fear in your voice.

He barked a laugh, and you joined him.

“All of them aren’t that bad, I promise,” he chuckled. “Did you really hate it that much?”

You hummed, releasing a sigh.

“Maybe I didn’t hate it all that much,” you admitted after some time.

He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye as a wistful smile fell over your lips, eyes gazing at the sky.

“So…how do you know Harry?”

His hand tightened around your own just the slightest.

“He’s in another frat,” he answered with a scoff. “He’s a spoiled rich kid who thinks he can get anything he wants by throwing money at it.”

You rolled your eyes with a shake of your head.

“Somehow, I’m not shocked by that, but… You know what? I don’t care.”

He stopped walking, pulling you to a halt with him, and he stared at you with a frown.

“What? What do you mean?”

You shrugged.

“I like him. We have a lot in common and he’s hilarious and so cute. Maybe… Maybe I’m expecting too much, you know?”

Peter looked even more confused, jaw clenching as his frown deepened.

“What are you saying?”

“I mean… Yes, I’m a huge romantic and I want a boyfriend, a serious boyfriend, like I have for years, but… You have always been a girlfriend kind of guy. It’s no secret that you’re open to a serious relationship, and you claim the only reason that hasn’t happened yet is because you haven’t found the right girl, but… Peter, that’s never stopped you from having fun,” you elaborated.

He didn’t respond, and you sighed.

“I’m just saying that maybe I should do the same. Maybe I should stop trying to make a boyfriend out of every guy I’m into and just have fun. Like you!”

He forced a chuckle past his lips.

“That’s…that’s not like you…”

“I know, but… I’m tired of being alone,” you shrugged. “We’re in college, now, and the chances of me finding a boyfriend are pretty low. Let you tell it, a good portion of the guys here are trash, but that only matters if you’re looking for something serious, and I don’t think I want that anymore.”

Peter was uncharacteristically quiet…again, and you tilted your head at him.

“That’s…a big change for you,” he murmured.

“Yeah,” you sighed. “…but I’m really into Harry. You’ll help me, right?”

Your pleading gaze met his dark one, slightly frowning at the way he was looking at you. He pursed his lips.

“Please, Peter? I really like him, and you know him so well.”

He looked away with a small sigh. He briefly closed his eyes before eventually nodding, and you smiled. He looked at you with a grin on his lips, taking your hand again as he continued the trek down the sidewalk.

“Yeah. Leave it to me, Y/N, and I’ll help you get laid in no time,” he relented.

You squealed, reaching up to shake his shoulders as you pushed him along.

“You’re an angel!”

He chuckled.

“What are best friends for?”

 ~

“Okay, I’ll admit, that was much better than I was expecting,” Harry relented.

“See! I told you, I am an excellent judge when it comes to these things,” you replied as the two of you walked out of the theatre.

It was the sixth date the two of you had been on in 4 weeks. True to his word, Peter had helped you out, and that next morning after the party, you’d woken up to a text from Harry Osborn himself. A huge grin had spread out over your face, and you didn’t hesitate to reply.

The two of you had been talking nonstop since then about practically any and everything. It turns out that you hadn’t been premature in thinking the two of you had so much in common. It was true! It was almost suspicious how much of the same things you liked, including horror films.

“Listen, the storyline didn’t seem all that original, and when I had watched the trailer, I felt like I’d seen the entire thing in less than 2 minutes,” he defended.

“Okay, okay, that I can understand, but ever since I’d missed out on seeing both Insidious and The Conjuring in theatres because I thought they were going to suck, I vowed to myself ‘never again’.”

“Yikes! Both of those films were great. I just know you still kick yourself over that one,” he laughed.

“It literally haunts me,” you groaned. “I know experiencing both of those in the theatre must have been amazing.”

Harry seemed to find your regret amusing, and he stopped to look at you with a smile on his face.

“Hey, so uh, my frat is throwing a party this weekend. I mean, we do just about every weekend, but I was thinking maybe you could come…as my…date this weekend?”

Your eyes widened a bit, and you felt your face heat up. He seemed nervous to ask you, like he didn’t know how you’d feel about it, and it was wild to you. You really liked Harry, and you thought you had made that more than obvious over the past month. Sure, Peter was right when he said he was a bit of a snob, but it wasn’t overbearingly so to the point that it became a turn off. Crazily enough, you could see Harry being more than just ‘fun’.

“I’d love that,” you honestly replied.

The corner of his mouth pulled upwards into a smirk, and he stepped closer to you on the deserted sidewalk.

“Yeah…?”

You nodded, looking up at him as he got closer. Neither one of you said anything as he reached up to gently grip your jaw, leaning in until his lips pressed against yours. You sharply inhaled, closing your eyes as you savored this. His lips were soft, and the way he moved them against yours told you that he was experienced.

That didn’t bother you. Truth be told, you had always wanted to be with someone who knew what they were doing, because honestly, you had no idea. You felt flutters deep in your stomach, and you shuffled closer to him when a cool breeze blew by. He pulled away just a little, opening his eyes to look at you as you did the same.

“Come on. Let me walk you back to your place,” he offered.

You happily gripped his hand as he did just that.

You felt giddy, absolutely on cloud nine as you leaned your head on his shoulder. Maybe you were getting a bit ahead of yourself, but a nice and rich frat guy was asking you to be his date to his house’s party. In context, this whole thing was showing a lot of promise. Guys like him normally liked to keep their options open, and him actually claiming you as his date was making somewhat of a statement.

You waved him goodbye as you made your way inside the complex, lips still tingling from the second kiss he’d given you just outside. You were still smiling when you rounded the corner that led to your hall, pausing as your eyes fell on a familiar figure outside of your door.

“Peter, hey!”

He pulled himself to his feet with a small groan, stretching as you fished your keys out of your purse.

“Where have you been? I’ve been waiting here for over an hour,” he said, glancing at his watch.

You gave him a sheepish look as you let him go in first.

“Sorry. I went to go see a movie with Harry,” you answered.

“Oh,” he said in a small voice. “You’re still seeing that guy?”

“That guy,” you scoffed with a small chuckle. “Isn’t he your friend?”

“Yeah, sort of, I guess…”

“You staying over tonight?” you asked, glancing over your shoulder.

“I really wasn’t planning to, but since I’ve been waiting this long, I don’t want to go back to the house in the dark.”

You hummed, opening your drawer of takeout menus to figure out what you should order.

“So…how are things going with Harry?”

You couldn’t stop the smile that fell over your lips.

“Great actually,” you said, sounding surprised. “He asked me to be his date to the party his frat is throwing this weekend.”

Peter’s eyes were wide as you glanced up at him, dark eyebrows raised as he looked at you.

“Really…”

“Yeah! I don’t know… I wasn’t exactly planning for this to be anything serious, you know? I wanted to experience some light fun for once in my life, but now… I think I can see us actually being something,” you whispered.

Peter didn’t reply right away, only humming in response.

“Are you going to the party?”

He blinked, heaving a sigh before shaking his head.

“Nah. I’m not really a fan of the kind of parties they throw,” he said with a shrug.

“What do you mean?”

He waved you off.

“They can just get pretty wild. They regularly get noise complaints and don’t really monitor how much alcohol people are drinking until it’s too late and there’s throw up everywhere,” he explained with a frown.

“Oh…”

You were a bit disappointed that Peter wasn’t going to be there, but you had to remind yourself to stop being so dependent upon him. The two of you couldn’t stay attached at the hip forever, and at some point, you had to start making a social life for yourself…by yourself.

 ~

Friday night came much quicker than expected, and you were all dressed and ready to go. The house wasn’t far from your place, and since it was still daylight, you didn’t mind walking. You’d worn comfortable shoes, so it didn’t bother you.

Even though you would probably be considered an early arriver, the place was already lively when you stepped through the door. Everywhere you turned, you were met with someone’s back or chest, and you struggled to maneuver yourself through the bodies. You didn’t recognize anyone, and almost wished that Peter had come with you, growing nervous until you spotted a familiar head of dark hair.

You approached Harry with a smile, reaching out to grab his arm. His eyes were wide when he turned to face you, and you frowned when he maneuvered his arm out of your grip. Your frown only deepened when he stepped away from you, glancing away, and that was when you noticed the girl at his side.

She hadn’t been paying attention, gaze elsewhere, but she smiled when she finally turned to look at you. She was blonde and beautiful and had perfect teeth, dazzling you as she grinned. Her perfectly manicured hands wrapped around Harry’s arm as she leaned into him.

“Hey! Are you a friend of Harry’s?”

She seemed sweet, and confusion filled you at their familiar body language.

“Babe, this is Y/N. She’s super close with my friend Peter,” Harry answered, barely sparing you a glance.

Your heart dropped to your stomach as you eyed them.

“Oh! I’ve yet to meet Peter, but I’ve heard you mention him sometimes. I’m Scarlet, Harry’s girlfriend,” she introduced herself.

If it all possible, you probably would have thrown up, but you hadn’t eaten anything all day, too nervous about tonight.

“Oh, wow! I don’t think Peter ever mentioned Harry having a girlfriend,” you responded, hoping it sounded casual.

You could feel the man in question’s eyes on you, but you didn’t spare him a glance.

“Well, I’ve never actually met Peter, and Harry and I only recently go back together…what was it? Two months ago?”

“Two months ago…wow…”

You didn’t know what to say, and you finally understood the full meaning of ‘speechless’ in that moment.

“Yeah, Harry didn’t have any plans this weekend as far as I knew, so I decided to come down and surprise him. You should have seen his face when I showed up on the doorstep an hour ago,” she laughed.

You joined her, feeling like you were going to be sick.

“I’ll let you two catch up. It was nice to meet you!”

“You too,” Scarlet said, waving goodbye as you turned and pushed yourself through the crowd.

There were tears in your eyes, and your body was shaking. Were you on the verge of a panic attack? You stumbled over your own feet as you attempted to make your way to the door. So focused on the baby pink polish on your toes, you didn’t notice the figure before you until your head was colliding with their chest.

You stumbled back, almost falling had it not been for a familiar pair of hands. You looked up in shock, and everything crashed into you as your eyes met Peter’s. His gaze was inquiring, worry coloring his features as he studied you.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, letting it fall against his chest as he wrapped his arms around you.

“What happened?”

“H-Harry has a girlfriend,” you whispered.

You felt him tense against you.

“…what?”

���I mean… I thought… You said he was just some spoiled rick kid. You never mentioned a girlfriend,” you said, looking up at him.

“I didn’t know. Honest. They broke up forever ago,” he replied, pulling you against him.

“Yeah, well apparently, they got back together two months ago. The whole time we’d been talking and going out together he…,” you trailed off, shaking your head. “He treated me like I was practically a stranger.”

Peter’s jaw ticked, and he moved to go past you, but you stopped him. His dark eyes were focused on Harry no doubt, but you pressed your hands into his chest.

“Peter, let it go. Please! Just…stay with me? I don’t think I want to go home…”

The last thing you wanted was to lay in your bed and remind yourself of what a disaster tonight was turning out to be. Peter heaved a sigh, hands tightening on you before reluctantly nodding. He pulled you along towards the door.

“Come on. We can just go to the party at my house,” he offered.

You nodded, leaning against him as he walked you out. You wiped at your cheek, unsure of when a few tears had spilled over. You had fooled yourself into dreaming of more with Harry and look where it got you. Even if you had still only wanted something casual, there was no way you would have knowingly got involved with a guy who had a girlfriend. That wasn’t who you were.

“I thought…I thought you weren’t coming,” you whispered.

“I wasn’t, but… I didn’t want to leave you at a party where the only person you knew was Harry. I’m glad I did come,” he murmured. “What an ass…”

“Don’t worry about it, Peter. Really. Maybe this is just a sign that I should stop trying to force something with every guy I like. It never turns out well,” you sighed.

Peter’s frat house was just as lively when you guys moseyed inside. A few of his brothers recognized you, and you waved at them. Peter’s arm tightened around your waist, but you didn’t mind it. You knew what other guys at the party would think, but you didn’t care. You were done with guys, and all you wanted was to hang out with Peter, the only guy you had ever been able to trust. So if they mistook you as Peter’s girl, and left you alone because of it, that was fine with you.

The two of you were attached at the hip throughout the night. Peter had gotten both of you drinks, and hours later, you were still nursing that same drink. This was never your crowd, and the more you made your way around the room with Peter, the more obvious it became. He didn’t seem to mind your company though, arm still at home on your waist. You noticed a few disappointed glances being thrown your way, and you chuckled with a frown.

“Peter, I think I’m ruining your chances of getting laid,” you finally said.

He glanced around to see what you meant before he chuckled too.

“It’s fine. You’re my best friend. I’m not just going to ditch you,” he responded.

You smiled but still felt a bit guilty that you had affected his night again. You pulled away from him, letting him know that you were going to be in the kitchen. He understood and promised to join you. To be honest, you wanted him to have fun. You didn’t exactly take pleasure in knowing that he sacrificed his usual routine at parties just for you.

You leaned against the counter, pressing your fingers to your temples as you rubbed circles into your skin. You didn’t know how the night had gone so wrong. How had you been so clueless? No, no! You were not going to do that. It wasn’t your job to watch and hunt for signs of an untruthful man. You weren’t supposed to be suspicious of a guy you were seeing. This whole situation was completely on Harry.

You finished your drink, tossing the red cup into the trash with a sigh. It was amazing that in the span of 3 hours, your life had done a complete 180. You had gone from having the time of your life to being alone and miserable and feeling absolutely foolish.

You heard footsteps make their way into the kitchen. You glanced up, face contorting in a frown as your gaze connected with that of the last person you wanted to see.

“What are you doing here?” you scoffed.

He was holding two drinks, eyes apologetic as he approached you.

“I’m sorry-.”

“I don’t want to hear it, Harry. There’s nothing that you could say that can fix this.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry. Scarlet and I… We’ve been having problems for a long time, now, and we both thought getting back together would make them magically go away, but they didn’t. The night we met, Scarlet and I had gotten into a huge fight, and I was under the impression that we were over…for good.”

You eyed him.

“Then she wanted to work things out, but I had already met you, and I really liked you…”

You looked away with a sigh.

“We were never exclusive, I guess, but it doesn’t matter because you have a girlfriend. You had a girlfriend the whole time we were hanging out, and I’m certain that you and she have an agreement that you guys are exclusive,” you harshly replied.

He glanced down, and you chuckled, but it lacked humor.

“You were cheating on her…with me… Never mind the obvious of how she would feel if she found out, but how do you think that makes me feel? Do you think I like being that kind of girl?”

He shook his head.

“No, no, you’re not the type-.”

“Exactly.”

He at least had the decency to look ashamed.

“I know I messed up, okay? I just wanted to apologize and bring you this… You said it’s your favorite, the only drink you actually really like, and I thought maybe it could soften the blow of you chewing me out,” he confessed.

You eyed the cup, glaring at him before taking it. You took a sip before sighing.

“Well, thanks for the drink,” you saluted him with it. “…but I don’t see us moving past this Harry. It was fun, but I don’t even want to be friends with someone like you. I’m sorry, and I mean it when I say I hope you and Scarlet work things out.”

You brushed past him, taking another sip of the fruity mixture as you went in search of Peter. It was easy to find him, following the sound of his familiar laughter. He didn’t mention anything as he wrapped his arm around you, and you figured that he didn’t know Harry was here yet.

“Hey, I was coming, I swear I was-.”

“Peter, it’s fine! You know I don’t care about you keeping me company or not. I’m a big girl.”

He returned your smile, pulling you closer as his hand tightened on your waist.

You didn’t plan to stay much longer, and about an hour later you decided that you would head out…after you used the bathroom. You found it much more difficult to weave through the sweaty bodies this time, and you blinked as your vision spun for half a second. You stopped to steady yourself, pressing your hand to your head in confusion.

You eventually made it to the bathroom, and you took some time to look at yourself in the mirror. You looked alright, for the most part, but you felt so…off. Your fingers were tingling just the slightest, and the bass in the houses sounded incredibly far away. By the time you were done in the bathroom, you were stumbling out.

You had to hold onto the wall for support, and confusion filled you. You’d only been drunk a handful of times, but this time felt different. Even worse, you had only had two drinks. You dreaded making your way down the stairs, and you had to pause and lean your back on the wall halfway down. You heard someone call your name, and they too sounded so far away. You jerked when a pair of hands landed on your arms.

“Y/N? Y/N, are you okay?”

You stared at Harry for the longest time, wondering what he was still doing here when it clicked. You frowned at him.

“Did you put something in my drink?”

Your words were slurred, but he understood you nonetheless, and his eyes widened.

“What? No!”

“You did, didn’t you? I…I only had two drinks, and this didn’t start until after-.”

“Y/N, I wouldn’t do that! Come on, let me-.”

“No!” you jerked away from him. “Is this your way of getting in my pants, anyway?”

He frantically shook his head, concern and worry and disbelief all rolled into one in his gaze.

“Y/N, you have to believe me! I wouldn’t do this!”

You scoffed, pushing against him, but it was weak.

“Believe you? How could I trust anything you say?”

He blinked, something clicking in his eyes as he looked down the stairs and back to you.

“Y/N, I didn’t get the drink for you. Did Parker not tell you he saw me? He gave me the-.”

“Hey, what’s going on?”

You both turned to look just as Peter came up the stairs. You stumbled towards him, fighting off Harry’s hands as Peter wrapped his arms around you.

“He put something in my drink,” you whispered, on the verge of passing out.

“What?” Peter demanded, tightening his hold on you.

“Y/N, listen-!”

“You’ve done enough, don’t you think? Get out of here, Harry, because if I tell my frat brothers you’re drugging girls they aren’t just going to let you walk out of here,” he threatened.

Harry stumbled over his words as Peter helped you back up the stairs.

“Leave,” you heard him snap at the other brunette.

Your fingers dug into his arm as he helped you walk down the hall, arms tightening around you.

“P-Peter…”

“Hey, hey… It’s okay. You can crash in my room, tonight, yeah?”

You’d only been in his room a handful of times, the both of you usually hanging out at his place. It was always clean and always smelled good, and you had thought to yourself before that it was no wonder girls kept coming back. He sat you down on his bed, and you struggled to sit upright.

You heard him fumbling around in his drawers and looked up just in time to see him coming over with a huge t-shirt. You didn’t mind when he helped you out of your clothes, welcoming it during your inebriated state. His fingers grazed your skin as he slid the shirt over you, resting his hands on your shoulders.

“Y/N, can you hear me?”

“Y-yeah,” you stuttered, blinking at him.

He took his thumb to widen your eyes, getting a good look at your pupils. You felt like you were having an out of body experience, and you were grateful for Peter. You didn’t like feeling like this, and you shuddered to think about what would have happened to you had Peter not been here.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

He ran his eyes over you before resting them on your fogged-out ones.

“You don’t need to thank me,” he said with a small smile. “What are best friends for?”

You struggled to return the smile, and he brushed his hand along the side of your face. Your eyes fell closed at the gentle feel of his ministrations. You were somewhat in shock that Harry would do such a thing. A rapist was a big leap from cheater and liar, and you wondered what drove him to do it. He had a girlfriend, but maybe he was truly that greedy and disgusting?

You forced your eyes open when you felt Peter’s hand on the side of your neck. You blinked, eyebrows furrowing as you watched him lean in.

“Peter-.”

You were cut off when he pressed his lips against your own. Your eyes widened, and you reached up to press your hands into his chest, but you had no strength. His hand slid to grip the hair at the back of your head, tightening his grip as he leaned into you.

You mumbled incoherently into his mouth as he laid you down, his lithe frame immediately settling against yours. His other hand was on your naked thigh, his t-shirt riding up to brush against your underwear. You turned your head, gasping for breath.

“Peter…stop,” you panted. “W-what are you doing?”

He didn’t answer you, opting instead to pull away and reach behind his head to pull his shirt off. You blinked as you were met with the sight of his bare chest. He leaned down again, pressing his lips against yours. He simply swallowed all of your protests, and you turned your head away again.

“Peter!”

“I’m doing what I’ve wanted to do for years, now,” he whispered against your cheek.

Your eyes widened, and confusion filled you.

“…what?”

You tried to scoot back on the bed, but he only followed, his frame still caging yours in as you both moved. His eyes were hard as he looked at you, and you felt tears collect as you fought not to cry.

“Harry gets everything, you know. It’s all just so easy for him, but I’d never let him have you,” he murmured, pressing kisses to your neck. “Not after I worked so hard to save you…for myself…”

You pushed against him again, but he didn’t budge.

“No, no. Peter, what…what are you…?”

Nothing was making sense, and your head hurt and your body felt heavy and the room was spinning. Nothing he was saying was making sense.

“Peter, you’re my best friend… This doesn’t make any sense…”

Your head lolled, much too heavy to lift as you heard him fumble with his pants. Panic gripped you, but you could hardly move. You groaned when he pressed himself against you, and you could feel him hard and throbbing between your thighs.

“Peter,” you mumbled.

“I’m going to be the only person who gets to be inside of you. The only one to know what it feels like to have you wrapped around them. God, I’ve always wanted to know what you feel like,” he whispered, kissing you again.

His fingers made their way to your core, rubbing you through your underwear. You reached up to grip his arm, but you were sure that your hold was featherlight. You let like your body weighed a ton, and the smallest of movements took so much out of you.

You whimpered as you felt your underwear grow damp, and Peter wasted no time in pushing them to the side before pushing a finger inside of you. Another soon followed, and you were panting beneath him as he worked his hand in between your legs.

“Please…stop,” you begged. “I’ll scream…”

“Can you?” he wondered, lips brushing against yours.

Tears spilled over at his question. He was right. Could you even scream? You could barely speak.

“Even if you could scream, Y/N… There’s a party going on. Who’s going to hear you? Hmm?”

He was dragging your filthy underwear down your legs, now.

“Peter, please. I’m your best friend… Please, don’t do this to me,” you pleaded.

Peter’s eyes met yours.

“It’s just been us our entire lives. All we ever needed was each other. I want to keep it that way,” he said.

You yelped, pressing your nails into his back as he slid inside of you to the hilt. Your legs were limp around him, a scream caught in your throat. He leaned down to kiss your wet cheeks, shushing you as you struggled to adjust beneath him.

He took his time as he pulled out of you before sliding back in, groaning at the way you clenched around him. You pressed your nails harder into his back, and he hissed before reaching back to grip your wrist, pinning it to the bed. He did the same with the other and kept a steady pace.

You panted beneath him, eyes fluttering closed. Whatever was coursing through your system made it impossible to focus on anything other than the way his hard length felt dragging against your walls. His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration as he thrust into you, never taking his eyes off of you as he watched your face.

His grip tightened on your wrists, and you gasped at the pain.

“Peter…”

“It’s okay. Just enjoy it, Y/N…”

You gasped again as he picked up his pace, forehead dewy with sweat. He buried his face in your neck again, chest pressed against yours as he pinned you to the bed, unrelenting in his thrusts.

“You’re mine,” he murmured. “You’re finally mine…”

Something that was a cross between a choked moan and a sob escaped you.

“I want everyone to know it-.”

“No, Peter-!”

“I’m going to fuck you until the sun comes up, so everyone in this house will know you belong to me. You’re my girl, Y/N. You always have been,” he moaned. “…and when you limp out of this house with my marks on you, everyone will know it.”

He came in you with a low moan, and you sobbed into his chest as he rolled over, curling you against him. He ran his fingers down your back, lips brushing your forehead.

“I’ll make you come before the night is over,” he whispered. “I’ll be the only one to ever touch you like this.”

You shook your head, and he rolled you back onto your back, still inside of you. His dark eyes bore into your own, fingers trailing over your trembling body.

“You know exactly what I’m capable of, Y/N… You know the things I can do. I’d hate to have to hurt someone for touching what’s mine.”

~

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