#i thought this out too much so im forcing u all to listen to my rambles til i can make a full visual for yall lol

[celestadore]

i dont usually post WIPs on here but my pen tablet broke so i wont be able to finish this as quickly as i wanted to so here have my son

also cause I dont think they showed off if they gave him a new guitar in game (im just being patient til the ENG version comes out n hearing abt the JPN stories thru word of mouth cuz im not dealing w another genesic situation again) heres a dumb blurb abt how i designed his guitar here:

i based his instrument heavily on C.C.'s guitar from the OG code black manga but designed it to be more like a wolf paw rather than a cat paw since hes a wolf and now the lead guitarist in the lost stories' code black event

here's how i was gonna lay out the colors

[lunarhoneybunny]

sighs. okay tmi posting sorry guys

[paradiseprincesss]

need a jonathan story where reader is bruce wayne's sister with similar morals about fixing gotham so she's a psychiatrist at arkham. her and jonathan butt heads a lot as she doesn't like how inhuman he is to his patients (he has a secret obsession with her). however she starts getting in the way of his plans and que the "this is where we make the medicine" scene. batman comes to save her and even though jonathan is high on fear he hears batman call reader his sister, so he plans to kidnap and/or blackmail the reader. Can be pure dark or dark with a change of heart?

love your work, but you already know that xoxo

all your fears are interwoven | jonathan crane

materlist

this is dark which i dont usually write so please...bare with me okay? IM SORRY IF THIS ISN'T GREAT LMFAO !! trying to write dark for u pookie <333

summary: you're a psychiatrist in the first year of your residency at arkham, working alongside doctor jonathan crane himself. however, you two are constantly butting heads due to your different beliefs in the treatment of your patients, amongst other things. one day, jonathan finds out that your the little sister of the batman himself - and he decides to act out on every sinister thought he's ever had about you.

word count: 3k

warnings: [NON-CON], 18+ mdni, smut, dark as hell, p in v, forced breeding, kidnapping, stalking, obsession, literally just all around terrible, terrible things

"it's inhumane," you argued, "no wonder your patients are terrified of you."

"because i don't feed into their delusions and paranoia?" jonathan scoffed, "i keep them medicated because they're mentally ill. if you haven't noticed, were in an asylum for the criminally insane."

"see, that the problem when it comes to you! you're not treating them like people, but rather prisoners." you sneer, rolling your eyes at his distasteful way of speaking about his patients.

for a moment, he's silent. he doesn't say a word, but you can tell you've hit a nerve with the way he physically reacts. his jaw is clenched, his eyes narrow at you, and he takes a short but sharp breath through his nose to try and appear composed.

"i have something i'd like you to see," he says calmly, "i think it'll help you understand my 'unorthodox' methods, as you like to call it."

you were a new grad from gotham university, specifically from their medical department. you'd graduated top of your class in medical school, and you'd matched in psychiatry for your residency. hence why you were working alongside doctor jonathan crane - the renown psychiatrist of gotham city himself.

when you first met him, he was cold towards you - and nothing changed. even a year into your residency, he was still cruel towards you. actually, that's a lie because he seemed to hate you even more than he did before. you two butted heads constantly over anything and everything under the sun. you thought he was heartless, but he thought you were too cynical. you believed his methods were 'unorthodox' as you liked to say, but he thought your methods were mind-numbingly boring. you two clashed in every possible way.

nobody liked working with him. you knew that already, though. it didn't take long for you to figure out why after you first started, as for starters, none of his employees hid their distaste towards him, and he didn't hide how much he disliked them back. he often called the other nurses, doctors, or medical professionals working there an array of insulting things, including but not limited to: imbecile, idiot, braindead, and painfully stupid. that was actually a few of the nicer things he called people - we don't talk about what he's called you.

you contemplated switching over to a different speciality because of jonathan crane many times, as working with him was exhausting. you still had three years of your residency and training left! how were you supposed to stand three more years with him? your brother, bruce wayne, always listened to you vent about jonathan - he didn't like him either. he always said that man was up to something, and he didn't know what but that it was bad news.

"are you incapable of forming a proper response, doctor wayne?" jonathan sneered, bringing you out of your thoughts, "you really are dense. the fucking lights are on but clearly no one's home."

"what are you, twelve?" you bark back, "i don't fucking-"

"i'm working on a new psychopharmacological drug," he cuts you off with a smirk, "i know, you're too stupid to understand anything about medication-"

"i went to the same medical school you did, jonathan." you retaliate, but he pays no mind to your words.

"like i said, i know you're too dumb to understand such complex specialities such as internal medicine and psychopharmacology, but i think it's something you'd benefit from learning about." he explained flatly.

as much as you wanted to punch him in his face, he had a point. you weren't dumb by any accounts, you were probably just as smart, if not smarter than him. however, as a training physician in her residency, it wouldn't be such a bad idea to get some hands on training in prescribing and dosages for mentally ill patients. it would help you in your career, to be fair.

"...fine," you huff, "tell me about it."

"this way, please." he says, ushering you to follow him into the elevator.

with annoyance, you follow him silently, not wanting to talk to him or give him any form of a verbal response at all. jonathan looked at you with a hunger in his eyes; unbeknownst to you, the brilliant but sociopathic psychiatrist had a deep, twisted, and disturbing obsession with you. he had your pictures plastered on the walls of his house. he knew where you lived as he'd broken in a few times unnoticed, and he knew pretty much everything about you - down to the smallest details.

for someone as brilliant as him, he had yet to figure out you were bruce wayne's sister, though. he knew your last name was wayne, but he didn't really put two and two together because he didn't expect you to be the sister of bruce wayne himself.

once you two reached the basement of the asylum, he led you through a series of dark, eerie hallways and you made note to shoot your brother a text about how crane was being extra strange and creepy at work today. in an attempt to slip away from jonathan, you clear your throat and try to come up with a feasible excuse.

"um, doctor crane," you say to him, your tone starting to become shaky, "i-i'm not feeling too well, i think i'm going to go back to my office to grab some advil."

the trembling of your voice doesn't go unnoticed by jonathan, and he knew that you knew where this was going. he grabs your arm harshly, and drags you through a door in which you're met with a distressing sight - multiple inmates of arkham mixing up chemicals in a makeshift lab, and pouring the liquids into what appeared to be a sewerage of some sort that seemed to leak into gotham city's plumbing and piping.

as your eyes were fixated on the scene in front of you, you failed to notice jonathan putting on his scarecrow mask and when you did - it was too late. a white, potent gas was sprayed in your face, and you immediately started to gag and cough on it as it felt like you were suffocating from the inside out. your lungs started to burn and your head was clouded, along with your vision.

"awe, having trouble?" he cooed as he grabbed you by the neck, choking you harshly.

before you could even formulate a response, a loud bang echoed in the lab. jonathan released his grip on your neck instantly, and though all your senses were disturbed, you could still articulate a few of his words through your current state. he said something about "the batman," and you knew that bruce was here to rescue you. internally, you thanked every higher power you could think of for having your brother come to your rescue.

not long after you heard jonathan say that, you looked up from the ground to see bruce with his hands gripped on jonathans face, his pale blue eyes widened and crazed. it appeared that bruce - the batman - had sprayed crane with whatever he had sprayed you with, and he was definitely seeing some shit while on his own drugs.

bruce's words were unintelligible at this point as you were just as drugged up as jonathan was, but you managed to hear jonathans voice meekly say something along the lines of "she's your sister?" bruce threw jonathan onto the ground, and the sound of police sirens could be heard in the background before your words were starting to become heavily slurred, and finally, your vision went black.

as your eyes fluttered open, you noticed that you were back inside of your own apartment. as your vision adjusted to the light, you noticed bruce calling your name softly as you sat up on your bed groggily.

"you're awake," he said quietly, coming over to sit on the edge of your bed, "how are you feeling?"

"what happened?" you ask as your head started to spin.

"long story," he sighed, "but i've been looking into crane for a while - all his experiments on his patients and such. it's inhumane, like you said, but it turns out he's been slowly trying to poison gotham city as a whole."

"what?" you say with surprise, "wait, i...what?"

"gordon had him arrested," he explained, "he had him locked up in arkham, but there was a mass escape. he's on the loose again."

everything that bruce was telling you was making you sick - what did he mean jonathan was just prowling around the city again?! with a deep breath, you look down and shake your head, tears welling in your eyes.

"i don't understand..." you whisper, and bruce reaches a hand out to your shoulder.

"i think you should stay at wayne manor for a while," he says softly, "it's safer for you there, i don't want you to be alone in your apartment."

"yeah, i think so too." you agreed.

"great," he says, "i'll grab us some food, and then we can start packing and head over to mine. sound good?"

"okay, can we get takeout from that chinese place i like?" you ask with a soft smile, and your brother nods.

"yeah, i'll go pick it up right now. do you think you'll be okay for about half an hour alone? maybe we should just head to mine first..." he says, looking at you with concern.

"bruce," you say softly, "i'll be okay. the sun is still out, it's like, mid-day still. don't worry."

it takes some convincing, but bruce eventually agrees and leaves to go pick up the takeout a few blocks down from your place. after a few minutes, you hear your door being unlocked. you get up from your bed inquisitively, unsure as to why bruce was back so soon. knowing him, he probably forgot his wallet or something. however, once you entered your living room, you were met with a sight that made your heart drop.

jonathan crane himself, standing there in your living room, with his scarecrow mask on. his unsettling but strikingly blue eyes met with yours as he looked at you through the small cutouts of his mask, and he smirked to himself.

"are you feeling alright?" he asked with a sickeningly sweet tone, "i'm sure my fear toxin had you feeling quite...disoriented."

you stagger backwards, gripping onto your bedroom doorframe as fear consumed you once more. you swallowed hard, and continued to backup as he stepped forward menacingly.

"m-my brother is going to be home soon." you whimper.

"oh, batman?" he chuckles lowly, his voice seemingly distorted with his mask, "i wouldn't be too sure of that, sweetheart. i thought i heard him say he was going to be at least half an hour."

your mind went stagnant as he told you that, and you wondered with panic on how he would know that information. jonathan seemed to have picked up on what you were thinking, as he took a step closer and lifted his wrist up to show that he had some sort of contraption that could gas you with his so called "fear toxin" at any given moment.

"you really are brainless, aren't you, sweetheart?" he cooed, "silly girl, i can't believe you didn't notice all the little cameras and recording devices i've been planting in your home."

"wh-what cameras?" you say as you felt tears run down your cheeks out of sheer panic and fear.

"i've been breaking in for months, i can't believe you haven't noticed," he snickered, getting closer and closer to you, "i want you so bad, sweetheart. and to think, i almost had you before the batman had to come and ruin things for me."

"please," you whimper, "don't...d-don't hurt me."

"don't give me a reason to." he shrugged, before lunging at you and pinning you against the wall with his hands wrapped around your neck. "it'll be easier if you don't struggle. otherwise, i might have to dose you with my medicine again."

"please, n-no-" you gasp, as his hands tightened around your neck.

"maybe i will, you look so beautiful when your fears are interweaving themselves with your reality. isn't the nightmare just to die for?" he asked dramatically, before throwing you onto your own bed harshly.

your lack of response must have set him off, though, because he decided to harshly grab at your hair. he cranked your head back so roughly that you could feel the strain in your neck, and you would rather he just strangulate you right now rather than put you through whatever he was about to.

"say you love it," he growled, "say you love me."

"f-fuck, no." you weakly whined, and he was lifting his other hand up before you started talking again, "i-i'm sorry, yes - i love you!"

you immediately rushed your words out, even if they were forced and untrue, because you really didn't want to be dosed with his fear toxin once more. the effects were worse than any fucked up nightmare you'd ever had.

"good girl," he cooed as he started to forcefully undress you, making you choke back a sob, "ugh, i can't wait to absolutely fucking ruin you."

the smell of his cologne flooded your senses, and you felt more tears drip down your face as he continued to undress you with zero resistance. you tried to tell yourself that maybe you were just having a nightmare, a side effect from the drugs - but you knew that wasn't true. bruce wouldn't be back for at least another half hour, giving jonathan free range to do whatever he wanted to you.

you had zoned out so deeply to cope that when you finally stopped dissociating, he was already fumbling with his belt buckle. as you tried to grab his wrist to force him away from you, the pressure from your hand accidentally triggered his wrist band to spray his fear toxin directly at you. you choked and sobbed as you heard him chuckle lowly through his mask, and at this point - you'd given up.

you stopped trying to fight it because it was no use. he had already won. his fear toxin was seeping into your every sense. the fears that were interwoven in your subconscious were now playing out right in front of you. it was like watching your worst nightmare, only fifty times worse, on repeat. at this point, you thought you were going to lose your sanity permanently.

jonathan had pulled your panties off of you with ease, as you were too high on the toxin to even understand what was going on in this very moment anymore.

the less you fought, the better.

with a groan, he forced himself into your cunt, breeching your hole painfully. obviously, there was a struggle because one, you weren't even in contact with reality right now and two, he was forcing himself onto you.

he spat down onto your cunt after a few moments, and that seemed to work. he let himself sink into you slowly, stretching you out painfully as you laid there in tears, unintelligibly whispering and pleading. he didn't bother to prep you or even try to make this enjoyable for you, since it was never really about you in the first place. it was about him; his pleasure and sick, disgusting, twisted obsession with you.

"fuck," he groaned, "you're so tight i think i might fucking break you, sweetheart."

he continued to fuck himself in and out of you, his length reaching places inside of you that shouldn't be reached. you couldn't tell which one was worse: the terrifying nightmares being fuelled in front of you or the pain in your lower region from his fat, veiny cock breaking your cunt in.

the tears never stopped, continuously pouring down your face as you tried to beg him to stop - but the words never came out. they couldn't. you were starting to feel every ounce of sanity you had left slip away from your body, leaving you in a permanent state of living hell.

"it's a concentrated - mm, f-fuck,- dose, my love. you're slipping away, i can feel it in the way your squeezing me." he groaned as he continued to split you open on his cock, rocking his hips back and forth as he held your waist still with an iron grip.

"s-stop." you weakly whispered, but he laughed lowly at the sad attempt.

you knew that you'd never recover from this, whether it be the assault or the effects of the fear toxin - both were things that would cause you to never live a normal life again.

"m'gonna take you away from here," he huffed, already close, "shit, you feel good- gonna fuck you every god damn day and fill you with my cum 'till you have my babies. keep giving you my cum over and over again."

that almost sounded worse than the disturbing, mind-rotting imagines that were flashing before your eyes right now from the toxin. you couldn't imagine a life that hellish - but you couldn't exactly object with the state you were in.

"don't worry," he says as he kept talking to you, "you're not going insane, sweetheart. fuck - like i said; it's a concentrated dose. you'll be back to your stuck up, whorish, braindead self in about twenty four hours."

twenty four hours? how were you suppose to survive for twenty four hours like this? how? you didn't know, but jonathan didn't seem to care. he did not care at all - all he cared about was kidnapping you and stuffing you full of his cum. all he craved for months was to give you his babies. get you nice and full, pregnant by him.

you didn't even notice when his hips stilled and his cum poured into your abused cunt, filling you with every drop he had. he let out a satisfied groan, and hesitantly, he pulled out.

you lay there as still as ever, tears still pouring down your face as you tried to remind yourself that the shadows, the whispers, and whatever other hellish things you were hallucinating were not real. jonathan then threw your pyajamas back on you in a hurry, and picked you up bridal style.

"c'mon," he says softly, as if he cared about you - as if you liked this, "let's go home."

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[annabelle--cane]

im listening to mag again and damn do the archival crew HATE jon. listen i get it supposedly your lives would be normal if he hadn't brought you here... but he didn't? (minus og archive crew, jon requesting them and all) if anything he was just kinda there when you made decisions, bro wasn't EVEN THERE when melanie got hired like??? like how r u gonna wish him pain rn, he's ltrly sopping wet and on the verge of dying💀

like another anon I got a month or so ago, this is one of my sleeper agent trigger phrases, so this might be another marina monologue moment.

as I'm also in the middle of a (for my standards) incredibly slow relisten, I've been thinking about this topic, too, but I've been coming at it from a slightly different angle than I normally do. in tim's case, we don't get an actual look at the circumstances under which he transferred to the archives, it is theoretically possible that jon laid it on a bit thick in asking him to come with him to the department and tim wouldn't have even thought of it otherwise, but with melanie we have several scenes of her hiring and onboarding where jon is not present and she continually rebuffs people who tell her she's making a mistake, so the text very clearly sets up that her blaming jon for being trapped there doesn't make sense. and, even with tim having been requested by jon, he still had to make the ultimate decision to switch departments himself, so, yknow, what gives?

most people, I think, and myself in the past, have come at this question from a very jon-centric pov because he's the main character and it's a jon-centric show, but I think putting it down to "they lash out at him because he happens to be there and stops defending himself after a while" misses something, as does "they lash out at him because elias sets everyone up to think they have an adversarial relationship to jon." more than that, I think it's about the rejection of agency.

tma is a show that's very much About agency and choices, so it's important to keep track of where characters suddenly balk and try to offload their choices onto other agents. martin, despite being very proactive and efficient when he sets his mind to it, has a consistent habit of thinking of himself as fundamentally unimportant and unable to affect real change. jon, someone who is usually culpability_acceptor_4000, really tries to convince himself that the web made him pull statements out of strangers. and melanie and tim, on realizing that they've gotten themselves stuck in the archives, have similar reactions of trying to retroactively make those decisions jon's.

they hate being stuck there and they can't bear the idea that it might be their fault, and they don't know how to reconcile the choices they did make with the greater forces outside of their control that shape their lives. tim swings right from seeing jon as fully responsible to seeing everything as the result of cosmically inevitable bad luck, and this hits him so hard that it leads directly to his suicide. post-bullet melanie gets a better handle on it; accepting that she chose to fall further into the slaughter opens her up to accepting that she made other choices, like joining the archives, as well as accepting future choices, like quitting the archives.

and yes, in the moments where tim and melanie are most vulnerable and just starting to realize how deeply screwed they are, jon (at least from their pov) does something to make it worse. when jon tells tim that jane presntiss wasn't his fault, tim says "well you sure made me feel worse afterwards! and then everyone had to pay attention to how you were feeling to get you to stop stalking us!" when melanie goes in for a second assassination attempt on elias, elias makes jon talk her down instead of doing it himself, presumably to try and get the slaughter mark done with. neither of these are the inciting incidents for tim and melanie's situations, but they stand out. and because jon is culpability_acceptor_4000, a man who feels like the weight of the whole world is on his shoulders and is even right some of the time, the accusations stick. tim and melanie don't want anything to be their fault, jon thinks everything is his fault, and it's a bit of a vicious self-fulfilling cycle.

[anakin-pilled]

𝘨𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘴 - anakin skywalker x fem! reader (part one)

pairing: anakin skywalker x fem! reader

wordcount: 4.8k

warnings: minimal uses of y/n (trying to avoid writing this as much as possible but sometimes u need to!), awkwardness, anakin needs a break, POV switching (im trying something new, but its still in 3rd POV), reader is a popstar (very loosely based of taylor swift), too many scenes (i'll limit it next chapter) rating: 18+ (my blog is 18+ only)

rating: 18+ (my blog is 18+ only)

taglist: lmk if u want to be added!

author's note: well, here it is!! my first anakin fanfic!! i was listening to gorgeous by taylor swift and it just reminded me of how much i hate beautiful men (hayden christensen) and the effect they have on me and then this feeling just spirialed and became a fanfic--and my first ever mini series! i'm aiming for four or five parts? enjoy!!! (proofread but if u see a mistake pls tell me). sorry if the first part is boring, i'm just trying to set the vibe and introduce the major plot elements! creds to saradika for the header!

All Anakin Skywalker wanted was one, uninterrupted kriffing break. Yet, even that seemed like too much to ask from the Maker. With an annoyed sigh, Anakin quickly ended the call on his comlink and made his way out of his living quarters and towards the Jedi Council’s meeting room. “What do they want from me now?” Anakin thought to himself. 

It wasn’t unusual for Anakin to sport an attitude, but lately, his foul mood had been exacerbated in the last few months for several reasons. Anakin’s recent breakup with Padme laid heavy in his heart. As the war raged on and both of their duties called them away for weeks, even months, at a time, the young couple rarely had time to see each other. It was supposed to be a small break at first–Padme was working on an important bill that could change the tide of the war, so she wanted to focus all her energy on gaining support for the bill from fellow Senators and campaigning for its passage on the Senate floor. So, Padme suggested that she and Anakin take a quick pause on their relationship until she was finished with the bill. But even after the bill passed, Padme was too consumed by her senatorial duties to put her all into a relationship. Anakin was just as busy on the battlefields, traveling to distant systems, and ensuring that the Separatists did not win any more than they already had. However, he was still willing to put an effort into their relationship because he loved Padme more than life itself. Padme was Anakin’s first love, and they had already been through so much together. Didn’t that mean something? It was late one night when the couple retired to Padme’s apartment that she dropped the news. Anakin felt as if his whole world shattered. He begged on his knees to Padme, to give them another chance. She insisted it was for the best and that she would reach out to him in a few months when she felt ready. Anakin would be lying if he said a part of him was shocked. After all, Padme put her job as Senator above everything else. But still, it hurt knowing that the one person who he would abandon everything for, would not do the same for him. 

Aside from the breakup, Anakin was tired of the constant fighting, the rising death toll, and the never-ending chaos that always seemed to follow him. The 501st Clone Battalion’s most recent war campaign was brutal, and they lost a few men to Trandoshan separatists while in battle at a small, Outer Rim planet. Anyone could see that Anakin thrived in war. He was nicknamed the “Hero With No Fear” for a reason. But, the death of his men, or any man under Republic forces, always left his heart and mind unsettled. 

As Anakin reached the door to the Jedi Council, he quickly shook his head as if to ward away his dark thoughts. He really should meditate more. The door opened and Anakin was greeted with the sight of the Jedi Masters sitting in a circle, he noticed many of them appeared via holoprojectors. 

“Hello masters,” Anakin said with a bow. He looked around until he met eyes with Obi-Wan, who happened to be off-planet at the moment. Obi-Wan gave Anakin an uneasy smile which blared the alarms in Anakin’s head. Anakin was already in a defensive mode due to his rocky relationship with the council. 

It was Mace Windu who spoke first. “General Skywalker, we have called you here today to discuss an upcoming mission. It is to our understanding that you are currently on a break right now, however, you were specifically requested by the Chancellor for this task.” It must be an important mission if the Chancellor himself requested that Anakin carry it out. 

“There will be an upcoming charity event hosted in honor of the Republic to raise funds for the war effort. The event is being held in Corulag in ten rotations from now. While Corulag is part of the Republic, there have been recent Separatist activities within the planet and its system,” Master Windu continued.

“And what will I need to do while in Corulag?” Anakin asked with a slight edge in his voice. He really didn’t want to travel off-world.

“You will be the personal escort and bodyguard to the charity’s main event, singer (Y/N) (L/N). She will be performing a show as part of the charity and her presence is estimated to bring in a lot of credits for the war effort. While we don’t personally believe there will be a threat on her life, the Chancellor suspects that the Separatists may try to infiltrate the singer as a way to ruin the charity’s efforts.” 

Anakin felt his annoyance flare up again. He was being taken away from his well-deserved break time to babysit a singer? This was a job that even a Padawan could carry–Ahsoka could do it with her eyes closed. 

Even through the holoprojector, Obi-Wan could see the tale tell signs of his former student’s growing anger. He pitied the boy. Obi-Wan felt that Anakin deserved his break, especially after his most recent mission. However, it was not up to Obi-Wan alone to make these decisions. With the war prolonging itself more than necessary and the expenses rising every day, the Republic needed as many credits as it could get from its supporters. Obi-Wan quickly piqued up from the side to calm his friend, “Anakin, the Chancellor personally requested you as the singer is a family friend of his, and he trusts you. The Council will discuss giving you vacation time after completing your mission.” As vexed as Anakin might have been at first, he certainly didn’t want to disappoint the Chancellor. He had no choice but to accept the mission. Anakin silently nodded to the council. 

“Recieve more instructions tomorrow, you will. Rest for now,” said Yoda from his chair. 

And with that, the meeting was over. Anakin said his goodbyes with a bow and walked out.

After Anakin left the meeting, he headed towards the Jedi Archives to conduct some research on his new mission. He wasn’t interested in who the singer was, or what she did. Rather, he wanted to know what kind of person she was–was she a controversial celebrity, or did she stay in the lines? Anakin prayed he wasn’t dealing with some crazy, entitled celebrity who did whatever she wanted. That would make his mission harder than it needed to be. He had heard of the singer’s name in passing from Ahsoka, who kept up with recent trends via the HoloNet. As a General and a Jedi Knight, Anakin no longer had the same sense of freedom that he had as a Padawan, even though he had much less freedom than his other Padawan counterparts. “Perks of being the Chosen One, I suppose,” Anakin bitterly whispered to himself. 

Anakin filtered past the front desk of the Archives after giving Madame Jocasta a quick nod and small time. He wanted to be in and out so he could get food from the Temple’s cantina before retreating to his living quarters for the night. 

“What do you mean they are assigning a Jedi Knight as my security detail?! I thought this was supposed to be a simple concert for a charity event, why are they assigning a Jedi if there is no imminent danger?!” you exclaimed to your manager, Gido Frisco, with a pointed look. 

When you agreed to perform at this charity event, you did so because you wanted to help raise credits for the Republic. Your management discouraged you from having any outspoken opinions on politics as it could lead to alienation from fans and tabloid backlash. But after your home planet became a recent victim to Separatist forces, you could no longer idly sit by and continue living as if the war didn’t affect you. When the charity’s organizers approached you to do this event, you happily agreed because all the credits earned were going to a meaningful cause. To the Republic. To democracy. 

The event was to consist of several performances by famous artists from throughout the Core Worlds, but you were the headlining event. Though you would humbly deny it, your popularity superseded everyone else set to perform. The media and your fans dubbed you “the Galaxy’s princess” due to your popularity as a singer across the Galactic Core. You hated that nickname. You were very far from a princess–you were just lucky enough to be born with an innate musical talent. Nonetheless, you were still treated as if you were royalty. 

“Look, I’m going to be blunt with you. There has been Separatist activity in and around Corulag, but we don’t predict that it will directly affect you. Think of the Jedi as an extra security personnel. They won’t let anybody or anything hurt you,” explained Gido. 

“Who is we?”

“We as in myself, and the Chancellor. He was quite worried for your safety when he heard of your acceptance to perform.” That made much more sense. The Chancellor, an old family friend of yours, often looked out for you throughout your years on Coruscant. You had no family on the planet as all your family lived on Bar’leth, only visiting you every few months. While you saw them as often as you could, the help and care they provided you was limited to messages on your holo tablet and calls via communicator. The Chancellor took it upon himself to help you whenever he could. You were extremely grateful for his help, but you couldn’t help but feel unnerved by the thought of having a Jedi accompany you. You knew Jedis were the peacekeepers of the galaxy. As the war started and worsened, the Jedi were thrust into a new, partial position. Where the Jedi went, trouble unfortunately followed. Would more trouble follow you if you were accompanied by a Jedi than if you were not? Only time would tell. 

“Very well. And when will I meet this Jedi?” 

“You will meet him tomorrow morning. Please do not stress the situation. We are merely taking precautions. Rest for tonight and we will talk more in the morning. Goodnight, princess.” And with that, Gido walked out of your apartment and you were left alone.

You walked outside and onto your balcony and observed the night sky. Your eyes followed the speeders flying through the air–a cacophony of honks and whizzes! reached your ears. You leaned upon the stone masonry of the balcony’s railing and rested your elbows on its surface. You then laid your cheek in your palm and closed your eyes as the lights of Corscuant reflected off your statue. You took into the slight breeze of the night and enjoyed this moment of serenity. Who knows what the next few rotations will bring? You could only hope you would suffer a nicer faith than your home planet. Your eyes opened, and you retreated into the lush interior of your apartment and began your nightly routine. 

Holy kriff, this man is kriffing gorgeous! Those were the first words that popped into your head when you saw the Jedi knight walk into your living room. It was early in the morning. You thought he was only supposed to accompany you at the charity benefit, but your team thought it would be best if he accompanied you throughout the week as you prepared for the event and ran errands. 

As he walked closer to you, you felt your mouth run dry and a creeping heating sensation sprouted from the base of your neck to your cheeks. You could only hope he didn’t feel the heat radiating off your body. He was wearing dark-colored robes, with a maroon long-sleeve undershirt, and only one leather glove on his right arm. Was this a fashion statement of some kind? Gido spoke up before you could say anything. 

“Welcome, and thank you for being here Jedi. I can assure you that it means very much to us and I hope that you find yourself comfortable for the next few rotations. Our team will do its best to ensure you are properly accommodated. My name is Gido Frisco, and I am (Y/N)’s manager.” Gido reached out his hand for Anakin to shake. Anakin took his hand in a firm grip and replied.

“Thank you. My name is Anakin Skywalker, general of the 501st Legion. I will do my best to keep (Y/N) safe.”

Anakin. You had heard of him before–he was the Republic’s poster boy and a very successful leader. Though you knew of him, you had yet to put a face to the name until now. Instead of making eye contact with the man, you simply stared at the ground until Gido included you in the conversation. 

“And this is (Y/N),” Gido said. 

You then looked up at Anakin and made eye contact with the gorgeous man in front of you. Your eyes widened slightly as you took in the color of his eyes. They were a dazzling shade of blue that was highlighted by the scar running down the right side of his forehead to underneath his eye. 

There was an awkward moment of silence before you stuttered as you reintroduced your name to Anakin and shook his hand. Shit, he's strong, you thought as he shook your hand with a firm grasp. If there was one thing you were weak for, it was a strong man. A strong, beautiful man!

“Pleasure to meet you too. I’ll be at your service this week,” Anakin stated with a small smile. Kriff, even his voice was attractive! You could only stare at him and nod. You were truly at a loss for words. Wait, can he hear my thoughts right now? You thought to yourself. You heard the Jedi could use the Force to read minds, but you didn’t know if this was just a rumor. You hoped it was just a rumor or you'd find yourself burying yourself six feet under the ground out of embarrassment.

“Well, now that you two are acquainted, I’ll be taking Anakin so we can go over the security details. Stay here until then.” Gido then led Anakin out of the room and that was the last you saw of the Jedi until dinner time. 

When Anakin woke up the next morning, he walked toward the Temple’s catina to grab a warm cup of caf and breakfast. The food was meager most days, but it beat having to live off the plain-tasting ration bars that he ate most of the time when he was on missions and campaigns. As Anakin walked through the tables to find a seat, he was greeted by the site of his former master sipping on a cup of tea and conversing with Ahsoka. 

“Ahh, Anakin. Nice to see you this morning. I am terribly sorry that you have been called upon for another mission. I do believe that your rest was well-deserved, but unfortunately, I had no power over this decision,” Obi-Wan stated as he continued to sip on his tea. 

“Thanks, Master. I can’t say I’m particularly excited about this, but hopefully, after this is done, I can properly enjoy my rest.”

“Master, you’re so lucky! I am so jealous of you right now. I wish I could join you, but Master Sinabu has requested that I assist him in a few lessons with the younglings,” Ashoka pipped in. “Hey, do you think you could get me an autograph?” She was excited. Ahsoka was no stranger to being in the company of high-profile people, but most of the time, it was limited to officials and members of the Senate. Boring! The thought of her master working with one of the most famous singers of this generation was honestly hilarious to her. A part of her wished it was her on this mission instead. The last time Anakin was on babysitting duty was when Ahsoka first joined Anakin as his Padawan was to rescue Jabba the Hutt’s son. Much like Anakin, Ahsoka believed this task could’ve been carried out by a Padawan, but as Obi-Wan explained to her, the Chancellor personally requested Anakin for this task. 

“Snips, I’m there to protect, not get autographs. Try practicing your mediation skills, and maybe I’ll get you an autograph,” Anakin said with a small smirk on his face. Much like him in his Padawan days, Ahsoka found meditating tedious and boring. He honestly should meditate more to set a better example, but Anakin’s teaching method was more of “Do as I say, not as I do.” 

“Oh come on Skyguy! You owe me this favor after I saved your butt back on Florrum. What would you have done if I wasn’t there to save you from all those assassin droids?” quipped Ashoka with a slight raise in her eyebrows. Damn, she got me there, thought Anakin to himself. But, he wasn’t going to let her have this win so easily. One might say that Anakin was acting immature for his age, but he and Ahsoka’s relationship thrived off witty remarks and friendly competition. Anakin’s relationship with Ahsoka was one of the most precious things in his life. 

“Except I won our last sparring battle. That makes us even, no?” Ahsoka’s smile quickly dropped, and she glared at her master. Anakin took a sip of his caf and continued, “Only kidding, Snips. I’ll try to get you that autograph. I might be too busy trying to keep this singer out of trouble.”

Obi-Wan observed his former student and Ahsoka with fondness. “Do not worry, young one. You will beat Anakin one day. A student is only as good as their teacher, and you have a good teacher. I would know–I taught him,” Obi-Wan joked with the two. “Anakin, I hope this mission goes smoothly. I know how badly your last assignment went.” Obi-Wan placed his hand on Anakin’s shoulder and squeezed it.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Though Anakin’s ego subsided since he lost his arm at the Battle of Geonosis, it didn’t mean he liked talking about his failures. The Separatists somehow acquired important Republic intel and managed to ruin Anakin’s battle strategy with a surprise attack. He and his men just barely made it out on time before a full Separatist takeover happened. Anakin’s appetite was ruined by the thought of it. 

Suddenly, Anakin’s commlink beeped and he knew it was time to head out to the hangar and receive his instructions for the week. He said his farewells to Obi-Wan and Ahsoka before going to the hangar, where he was surprisingly greeted by the Chancellor. The older man smiled at Anakin and shook his hand.

“Anakin, my boy. I cannot express my gratitude to you for accepting this assignment. You see, I specifically asked for you because I knew that I could trust you with my dear family friend. I do hope that you take care of her well.” 

“Of course, Chancellor. She will be safe under my watch.” 

“Now, she shouldn’t give you any trouble. She is a well-mannered girl. However, I have just received secret Separatist intel and wanted to share it with you before I visit the council. According to the intel, Count Dooku has ordered intelligence to interfere with the benefit. Our report says that he is planning on hacking our broadcasting signal and threatening the talent for the whole galaxy to see. For what, I do not not know. While we do expect the benefit to raise many credits for the Republic, the show will also provide a boost in morale for the citizens of the Republic. I theorize that Count Dooku wishes to ruin the public’s perception of the Republic’s efficiency and control over the war and the talent are a way to do this,” explained Chancellor Palpatine.

Anakin furrowed his brows. “Seems like Count Dooku is running out of scare tactics. Chancellor, the Jedi will ensure that the benefit proceeds as expected and that no harm comes to anyone there.” 

The Chancellor smiled at Anakin’s words. “Thank you, my boy. Now I mustn’t take any more of your time. I will let you go now. You will receive more information on the Separatist intel later on.”

Anakin and the Chancellor shook hands once more before Anakin boarded his ship and plugged in the coordinates provided to him by the council. 

Anakin’s first impression of you was that you were pretty. A delicate kind of pretty that Anakin had only seen in one other person before, Padme. But as quickly as the thought entered his conscious, he pushed it toward the back of his mind. What was he even thinking? He chalked up to him missing Padme. Yeah…Anakin just missed Padme and now that he was in the same familiar situation that he was in a few years ago when he first met Padme, familiar feelings are rising. After all, this wasn’t the first time Anakin had been sent on bodyguard duty for a well-known beautiful public figure. 

Your manager introduced himself to Anakin and then introduced you to him. Though he wasn’t excited about this mission, he couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit relieved that he would be staying in your luxurious apartment for the next few rotations until you traveled off-world. It wasn’t very often that the Jedi were afforded such accommodations. Anakin had spent his fair share of nights seeking refuge in strange, foreign biomes with only mere sticks and leaves as shelter. If he couldn’t sleep in the comfort of his private quarters at the Temple, he might as well enjoy the lavish high-rise Coruscanti apartment. 

Despite Anakin’s initial impression of you, your reaction toward him was…intriguing. Based on his research last night, Anakin couldn’t anything on the HoloNet that painted you in a bad light. Sure, there were the occasional tabloid articles that made outrageous claims about you, but all of those were overridden by the amount of good publicity you got. Charismatic, friendly, confident, a sweetheart–these were all words used to describe you by the various media outlets. But the person standing in front of Anakin seemed everything but that. 

Your nervous energy radiated off you and permeated Anakin’s senses through the force. You avoided eye contact with him until your manager forced you to properly look at Anakin and introduce yourself to him. You definitely didn’t seem as confident as the Holo Net made you out to be, but Anakin didn’t fault you for this. He’s sure you felt nervous in the presence of a Jedi because it implied that there was some danger lurking around. If there wasn’t, he wouldn’t have been assigned to his task. What did you know about the terrors of war and the cruel reality of death and destruction? You were just a rich celebrity located within the safe confines of the Galatic Core. Anakin felt a twinge of jealousy at this notion. He knew that he belonged with the Jedi, but Anakin couldn’t help but feel envy at the fact that you were simply an innocent civilian whose daily life was virtually unaffected by the war. You didn’t have to witness violent bloodshed, say goodbye to your comrades, and live life constantly on the move. Sometimes Anakin longed for his days on Tatooine when he lived with his mother and worked in Watto’s workshop. He was a poor slaveboy, but at least he had his mother, and life was relatively peaceful. Before Anakin could harp on these thoughts any longer, he caught a stray thought that didn’t belong to him. 

Kriff, even his voice was attractive! Anakin was sure the thought didn’t belong to Gido, so he could only assume that it belonged to the woman standing in front of him. Anakin internally smirked to himself. Could it be that Anakin made you nervous for reasons other than him being a Jedi? Perhaps…you found Anakin attractive. Anakin didn’t care if you found him attractive, but it did boost his ego a bit. It seems his split from Padme was affecting him more than he thought. Since when did trivial things like this matter? 

Anakin looked over you once more before following Gido to discuss the schedule and plan for the upcoming rotations. 

Dinner was…awkward, to say the least. It was just you and Anakin eating in your dining room. Gido had some business he needed to attend to so he could not join you for dinner. Anakin insisted that he could eat somewhere else as he did not want to intrude, but you insisted that he eat with you. It was the polite thing to do. But after you insisted that Anakin sat with you, you realized that you had nothing to talk about. A singer and a Jedi Knight turned war general? What would you have in common? A pregnant silence enshrouded you both. Only the soft clinks of silverware could be heard. 

You sipped on your water every few bites to calm your nerves. This was so unlike you! Honestly, you were never one to shy away from anyone’s presence. A part of your job was selling a likable persona to the public–countless interviews, media appearances, meet and greets! You had done these all with grace and a smile. Yet you couldn’t find the proper words to say to the gorgeous man sitting right across from you. Geez, he must think I’m one of those stuck-up celebrities, you chided in your head. You were far from stuck up, but something about Anakin set your nerves on fire and made the social part of your brain feel like mush. Sweat started building up in your armpits as you thought about it. You had to do something to salvage your reputation and stop yourself from sweating through your outfit.

You cleared your throat and looked up from your dinner plate. “So, Anakin. How do you know the Chancellor? I hear you’re friends with him.”

“I’ve known the Chancellor since I was a little boy. We first met when I left my home planet after I was discovered by a Jedi named Qui-Gon Jinn. He was Naboo’s representative back then.”

“Oh, that's interesting. My family goes way back with the Chancellor too. My father and him studied at the same university on Naboo. Though my father was a few grades below the Chancellor, they became good friends,” you replied. 

Anakin nodded at your story before focusing his attention elsewhere. You internally deflated once you saw he did not seem to care about keeping a conversation. However, if you were going to spend the new few rotations together, you’d rather it not be more awkward than it already was. 

“Uhm, where are you from? You mentioned that you left your home planet. I’m not from Coruscant either! I am from Bar’leth.” 

“Tatooine,” Anakin answered curtly. The way Anakin said Tatooine almost made you think that he disliked his home planet. He didn’t say it with any fondness, or longing. 

“That’s in the Outer Rim, right? I’ve never been. How is it?” you questioned.

“Hot, lawless, and sandy.” Another short answer.

You got the impression that Anakin wasn’t exactly fond of his home planet, so you decided to change the subject of conversation. “You travel a lot as a Jedi. Which has been your favorite planet so far?”

Anakin was silent for a moment before, as if he were thinking deeply about it. In reality, Anakin knew his favorite planet. Naboo. He only paused for a moment because he was unsure if he wanted to reveal this information to you. Though it was seemingly an innocent question (and it was), Anakin felt it was a vulnerable question. Naboo is the planet he spent days frolicking in the lush, romantic meadows with Padme, falling deeper in love with her as the days passed. Naboo represented a part of Anakin that no longer existed–an Anakin that didn’t know the pain of losing a mother, losing a part of himself in the process. When his mother died, gone became the young boy with a golden aura and eyes full of hope. On Naboo, Anakin was still bright and naive with a laughter full of joy and excitement. That Anakin died the day he and Padme set out to find his mother on Tatooine. Anakin wished every day to the Maker that part of him could come back from the dead and replace who he currently was. To better days.

“Naboo. That’s my favorite planet,” answered Anakin. He decided to be truthful instead of responding with a random planet. Anakin didn’t know what compelled him, but he knew you were only being polite. 

“Naboo is beautiful. Though I mainly grew up in Bar’leth, I spent a lot of my childhood summers in Naboo. I don’t think there is any other planet with views as stunning as Naboo,” you revealed. 

You felt that there was nothing else to say. The remainder of the dinner was quiet. Though there wasn’t as much tension as before, it was still awkward. You finished your dinner as quickly as possible before retreating to your personal quarters for the evening. 

To be continued!

[torasplanet]

❝𝘽𝘼𝘽𝙔, 𝙄 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝙎𝙄𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙍.ᐟ❞

Y. SHIBA & S. KAWARAGI + F. READER

𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 ; your boyfriend's sister is just so cute you can't help yourself !!

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 ; smut, final timeline for both, cheating, gay!hakkai implied, strap(yuzuha), light choking (yuzuha) praise, oral(reader receiving), haruchiyo being a cheater too, closet sex(senju), fingering(senju), teasing, hair-pulling(senju), petnames (baby, pretty, princess, babygirl), can u tell im in love with sen?, senjus is lowkey angsty, skin color not mentioned

YUZUHA SHIBA

It wasn't right, you thought your nails digging into the skin of Yuzuha's wrist with her fingers gently wrapped around your throat. It wasn't right for you to fuck your boyfriend's sister.

You felt like such a bitch for this but it's hard to care that much when Yuzuha's strap was too busy ramming into your guts harder than Hakkai's real dick had. It was whatever, Hakkai probably wouldn't care anyway because he was too busy gawking over Mitsuya.

It seemed like he was more into that man than he was into you so it wasn't really your fault for going with someone who was very clearly into you.

"You're so pretty, baby," Yuzuha said, grinning down at you as you moaned loudly, digging further into her bed's pillows. Her grip on your neck wasn't that tight, it wasn't tight at all; it was more like they were just resting there and yet your nails digging into her skin was so rough that she believed her skin had torn.

Not like she could blame you though, she was fucking your cunt like a mad man watching eagerly as the purple silicone cock split your lips apart and covered itself in your slick with each thrust the wet sounds from your pussy following. It was all so much for Yuzuha.

And on top of that, you looked so gorgeous your mouth opened wide moans spilling out with your eyes squeezed shut, and when they did open, you gazed at her with such pleasure in your eyes as if you were begging her to go harder like that was even possible.

You reached a hand up to touch the woman's cheek brushing her hair away from her face and tucking it behind her ear smiling up at her "Y-You're so fucking pretty too...ngh!" Yuzuha cooed at you before leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to your lips shutting you up.

She trailed her kisses down to your neck gently suckling at your skin turning it purple "You ever let another girl fuck you like this, pretty?" She asked listening to you moan like a porn star in her ear while trying to find words to answer her in something that wasn't a blabber.

"Nuh-uh! You're m-my first girl...!" You mewled your back arching up from the soft blankets your boyfriend's sister had laid you on. You felt her smile against your skin while continuing to kiss you her fingers tightening around your neck just a bit.

Yuzuha brought her lips up to your ear "I better be your one and only too." She spoke gently nipping at the shell of your ear making shivers run down your spine whilst you continued to moan because of the tip hitting your sweet spot over and over.

SENJU KAWARAGI

"Uh oh, did I find your princess spot? Got you moaning like a virgin, babygirl!" Senju asked rather loudly raising her mouth from your sopping cunt her fingers still working their magic inside of you.

You removed your hand that was tight around your mouth to try and stop moans from escaping the walls of this closet while you looked down at Senju from your spot on the table with a horrified look in your eyes "Shh! Don't s...say things like that so loud...Fuck, Haru' could hear." You whimpered lowly trying to bite back the moans that Senju was practically forcing out of you.

The pink-haired woman rolled her eyes while looking up at you through those lengthy lashes of yours with a smirk on her face with no good sayings behind it "Whatever! He's editing right now and who cares if he hears." Senju enunciated obviously upset at the mention of her brother who also just happened to be your boyfriend.

She didn't think it was fair how someone like him got someone like you before she did! Didn't matter though because guess whose mouth you were falling apart on? Hers.

Your walls fluttered around her fingers as she continued to pump them in without a care in the world shown on her face "You shouldn't care. I mean he's the one that cheated first." Senju said below her breath as that obviously wasn't meant for you to hear but you did hear it.

As she lowered herself back down between your soaked thighs, tears bubbled in your eyes at the mention of your boyfriend cheating on you. It seemed silly. You still weren't over him cheating on you but you were letting his sister eat you out in their hall closet!

With the sounds of you sniffling, Senju halted her movements and blinked up at you once again and her expression faltered at the sight of you beginning to cry. "No, no, don't cry princess." She said standing up from her knees and cupping your cheeks getting closer to you.

You knuckled your eyes attempting to get rid of the tears "'M sorry, I shouldn't have said that. 'M supposed to be helping ya." The green-eyed girl said concern written on her visage and you nodded as a way to forgive her still wanting her to continue soothing your broken heart and the aching between your sticky thighs. She kissed you sloppily your tongues fighting against each other before she pulled away making a whine escape your throat from wanting more of her touch.

"Lemme keep helping you okay?" Senju said not really giving you a chance to respond before dropping to her knees again her hands planting themselves on your thighs spreading them wide giving her a complete view of your cunt squeezing around nothing.

She dove in immediately latching onto your clit and sucking at it with her hand finding its way right back to your core her rings tickling your walls as they slid further in. The tips of her fingers hit that same 'princess spot' that it did earlier.

You slapped your hands onto your mouth again to contain your moans but you needed to grab onto something to restrain you from going fucking insane with how good it felt. Your hands went back to the table gripping the edge.

"Fuck Sen'! S'good..." You moaned your face heating up in shame that your brother could probably hear you yelling that little nickname you had for his sister but she wasn't ashamed. In fact, she was proud.

Prouder than she had ever been of anything in her life that you were letting those pretty moans echo throughout these walls and probably leak into the open areas of the house not caring what would happen when you two would come out because it didn't matter right now.

What mattered was how good she was making you feel and fuck was she good at that!

©torasplanet .ᐟ reblogs and likes are very appreciated! pls do not repost!!

[teyamloving12]

ALL OF UR WRITINGS MAKES ME WANNA 😩♥️♥️ im obsessed♥️♥️

Do u hve any writings with like stepcest?

A Family Dinner

Warning: humiliation kink, pseudo incest, fingering, semi-public, almost caught, squirting, etc.

Pairing: Stepbro!Lo'ak x Stepsis!Reader ft. Neteyam

Synopsis: Lo'ak always loved to tease you even under the table during a family dinner.

Was it weird that you allowed your stepbrother to touch you in areas only your mate should touch?

Yes it was.

But did you care? No, you didnt care one bit.

What you and Lo'ak were doing was against the will of the great mother. Against the familial relations you two had. It was clear Lo'ak liked you from the start. You were the sister that stuck by his side. As the seasons passed on, Pandora grew and so did you. He was the first to notice the changes of your body.

He was the first to notice your sudden increase of height, the change of your voice, the rapid growth of your hair, and of course, he saw how "womanly" you became. This obviously came with grave consequences. The men, youthful and mature, tried to get your hand, but Jake would rather die than give your hand to them. Lo'ak was a different case. No one, Na'vi nor dreamwalker, would dare to mate with you.

He wouldn't allow it.

Mind this, Neteyam was not stupid. He noticed the incestous connection Lo'ak and his stepsister had. It was suspicious how Lo'ak hissed at every Na'vi that dared to look your way. He knew. Neteyam knew everything. He observed how Lo'ak snuck to your room every night, how your hugs seemed so intimate, how his tail flashed behind him when you kiss him on the cheek.

It was fucking obvious.

Neteyam tapped his fingers on the table as he watched his brother and stepsister get along a little too well. He peered his eyes to see what was really happening. Lo'ak ran his hand between your smooth thighs. He rubbed the wet spot on your loincloth resulting a small whimper to escape your lips.

Your legs slowly began to lose its strength although you were sitting down. You laid your head on Lo'ak's shoulder. "As much as I love hearing you moan and whimper f'me, you have to keep it down.", he said almost as if he was teasing you. He listened to your small whimpers and praises. It made him lose control.

He increased the speed of his slender fingers on your clitoris and your clenching, soaked cunt. Your hips slammed on to his hand. His palm was collecting your love juices like a well. Your face screwed up like an overstimulated pornstar. You hid your face in your palms as you released all over Lo'ak. Lo'ak rose his hand and licking up your juices. You sighed in relief. "He is finally done!", you thought.

Key word.

Thought.

You were on the verge of unconsciousness, your amber eyes rolled to the back of your head. "Don't pass out on me, baby.", he said. But you couldn't keep your eyes open. You couldn't stay awake. Lo'ak glared at your almost unconscious figure from the corner of his eyes. He pinched your puffy clit mercilessly. So hard, your eyes shot open as you jotted up in pain with a mixed of pleasure.

Neteyam was alarmed when he saw his stepsister jot up suddenly. "Tsumuke, what is wrong?", Neteyam asked. You looked at Lo'ak signalling he should stop but this psychopath just smiled at you devilishly. About to respond, Lo'ak forced his fingers back inside of you. Your pussy made erotic, sloppy sounds. You bit your inner jaw and clench your thighs together. " I-I'm fine, rä'ä sngum si.", you exclaimed. Lo'ak slowed down as he saw his mother and sisters approaching with dinner. Jake sat beside Neytiri, who was beside you.

Now you were fucked.

No pun intended.

Tuk was sharing how she met a new friend. Lo'ak dropped his napkin, catching the attention of his mother. "What is wrong Lo'ak?", Neytiri asked. "Just...dropping my napkin, that's all.", he said crawling under the table. He smirked as he sees the huge wet stain on your loincloth. "Perfect.",he whispered.

He moved your loincloth almost making you choke on your food. His tongue met with your folds. His two fingers thrust inside you with maximum speed. Your fingers ran through his braids as you attempted to hold your moans by biting your bottom lip. "So sweet for no reason, ma.",he claimed as he slurped up your wetness loudly.

About to cum, you hit Lo'ak on his head harshly. He ignored your warning ad you squirted all over his face. He picked up the napkin in one hand and used the other to collect your juices from his face and licked it off again. You trembled in your seat and the chair you sat on was soaking right through. "Are you alright, syulang?", Neytiri asked in concern. Jake walked over you, checking if you have a fever. You couldn't respond. Lust clouded your mind.

"Neteyam, take your sister to her room.", Jake commanded. "Sir I can do-", Lo'ak tried to speak out but the glare he received from his father shut me up immediately. Neteyam threw you down on your bed and shot you a deadly glance. You looked at me with eyes of fear and full of eyes. "Don't act innocent.",he said almost whispering. He knew. He began to remove his loincloth. "You know what to do.",he said sternly. You shook your head.

"Don't be shy sister, after all you weren't afraid to let Lo'ak finger you in front of our parents.", he said with a grim look on his face. He moaned as your lips wrapped around his half erected member. He forced your face balls deep. "Dirty girl. Fucking both of your brothers like a whore. If you bite me, I'll slice your tongue off."

He didn't care. After all, you were not blood related. The perfect son finally broke down. You looked beautiful like that.

Lo'ak wouldn't mind sharing, right?

[simp4konig]

"Can't sleep?" König x Gender-neutral Reader

Word count: 3704

Having flashbacks about the battlefield and unable to fall asleep after an exceptionally draining mission, you go seek the comfort of your Colonel in the middle of the night.

*Slow burn

*ANGST!!💔... dw it gets wholesome at the end i promise ❤️

*Thanj you to Azzy!! (My No.1 Fan...🥹🫂💘) for this request !!!🙋🏼‍♀️💫💞💞✨Love u too🫶💕,, I kind of 🥺slightly🥺 maube a littke bit🥺🥺🥺went off prompt and König isnt affected by the mission per se BUT i have fulfilled the CUDDLING part!!! ☺️☺️pls dont show up to my fhome with pitchforks and torches im sry it just sorta happened ok😱

Also i rhink i have dementia bc I thought someone else rqsted König comfortinf rreader in a storm???😰😰Turns out nobody did so maybe i hallucinated it or smtj idk🤷🏼‍♀️Anyways I thought to merge these two ideas together so lmk what u think abt this lil (by "lil" i mean WAY too long🤪) drabble🙏💕

*Reader is pining for König

*Events loosely take place in the KönigxKing (as in, reader's call-sign is "King" storyline) mini-series. This serves as a slight backstory for King (reader). Again, this is by no means in any chronological order in relation to the series, so this can also be read as stand-alone! :)

*THANK YOU FOR 100+ FOLLOWERS!!!!!! 🥳🎉🎊✨🎇💖I SWEAR ONE IT LITERALLT FEELS LIKE MID-AUGUST WHEN I HAD LIKE 7 WHERE DID U ALL COME FEOM??????😰😰💘 IT MEANS SO MUCH FOR ME LIKE I CANR STRESS THIS ENOIGH BC IM SO HAPPG U GUYS THINK MEWORTHY ENOIGH OF YOUR PRECIOUS FOLLOW AND WANT TO READ MY WACK WORKS!!!!!!🤧🤧💖💖 LIKE??????? 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹THANK U THABK YOU RHABK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🫶🥰🥰💖💖💖❤️💞💞💕💖💕💕💞

                                        ...

You couldn't sleep.

It was raining relentlessly outside, the pitter-patter of water droplets hitting your window. Storm clouds boomed loudly outside, and despite the blinds being pulled tightly shut, lightning occasionally flashed through the cracks, elongated shadows of buildings forming on the walls.

Counting down the seconds until you'd hear the rumbling thunder, it would only be a few kilometres away, and you'd shudder at the sound, shivering.

While tossing and turning in bed, you had kicked off your covers and were staring at the ceiling, still wide awake. Normally, a storm like this would be like a lullaby to your ears, yet now it did nothing in helping lull you to sleep.

Even if you wanted to sleep, how could you when those corpses haunted your nightmares?

Laying in bed, your mind replayed the same scenes like a movie reel, the same screams like a broken record:

Lifeless, unblinking eyes with mouths agape and an expression of fear permanently engraved on their pale faces; flies swarming in hordes to harvest the soft tissues of the irises and tongue, eating the human mush; limbs contorted in unnatural positions, arms and legs crushed by the force of detonated mines, bones broken under the weight.

Rumbling roaring of machine guns and the deafening explosions from hand grenades meant that the high-pitched ringing would drown out everybody's yelling, muffle all noise from your surroundings, and you'd only be pulled out of your daze when you'd find yourself stumbling on unstable ground, on bricks and cheap concrete that had all crumbled.

Bodies would drop so fast it'd take at least seconds for you to register whether it had been an enemy or an ally.

You'd pull the trigger, but seeing a bullet go through someone's forehead and the exaggerated shock stamped on their face — a permanent expression in their final seconds remaining forever in death — left you wondering why you would ever sign up willingly to do this.

Disorientated, you'd struggle to pull yourself together, would enter far too many close calls for a soldier to count, and would only get a grip once you saw a familiar face, a reminder that you weren't alone in the warzone.

Even now, the sonorous sound kept echoing in your head, and, if you listened closely, it resembled hundreds of hoarse shouts, so many people screaming at once in collective agony.

You flinched as a bolt of lightning suddenly struck the sky.

Sparing an absentminded glance at your digital alarm clock, your eyes widened slightly at the time: 1:56am.

Damn... you thought. ...it's that late already?

Drills would begin at 7 o'clock, and you had to have woken up at 6 to brush your teeth, get dressed, eat, and mentally prepare yourself for the day, so you kissed a good night's sleep goodbye, and accepted the telling off from your superiors the following morning for under-performing.

...Still, how could you sleep after what you had experienced? What you experienced and would continue experiencing?

Accepting high-pressure missions and a demanding workload once you had enlisted, you thought that your ability to keep calm under pressure and stay composed would mean that you would have been unaffected by the shooting by now, and be taking everything in your stride. Calm, composed, and unaffected, is what you had thought you'd be. Surely you'd be able capable enough to cope with it all?

Yet, you weren't any of those things. Never getting used to the stress that would persist even while on supposedly "low-intensity" extractions. You'd always be on edge, always recoiling at hands that would reach over to tap your back as encouragement or hold your shoulder in reassurance on base.

You believed you could never familiarise yourself with the panic and unpredictability of missions and being hyper-aware of something, anything, everything going wrong, with the adrenaline that would course through your body and take over your senses in times of fight or flight, with the nerves that would keep you on edge hours after landing safely on base.

But, most of all, with the nights you'd lay in bed, unable to fall asleep: nights like these, when every time you closed your eyes, you saw the eyes of dying comrades; when every time you walked along the corridors, imagined yourself diving across the floor and felt shattered shrapnel breaking under your feet; when every time you sat in an empty room, heard ear-piercing blasts and the ricochet of discarded shells just missing your head.

Whereas the other operators seemed to be completed unmoved by any of their deployments and would shrug their shoulders off of the events, the anxiety for you lingered, trauma deep within your soul consuming you whole.

How could you ever get over the fact that you were shooting real people? Losing real soldiers?

...Losing yourself along the way?

All this work took a toll on your psyche, but comparing yourself to the other soldiers made you feel like such a coward, and second-guess ever enlisting in the first place.

...Well, you did so because it had been your only option all things considered, but looking back on it, you thought that maybe it would have been better if you hadn't chosen anything at all.

Accepted the grave nature of your failures in life, the same life that would have had inevitably ended with you pre-maturely in a grave.

After all, you had no job prospects to look forward to, no dreams to strive for, no aspirations to achieve.

Failing your school exams time and time again until you had finally achieved a result that was good enough didn't earn you any security, as you weren't exactly employable with grades you had just barely managed to claw to even pass.

Really, it was hopeless. You were hopeless.

To say your family was disappointed in you would have been an understatement. Out of three children, you were labelled the disappointment child, the underachiever and failure.

Your two siblings worked as a lawyer and an engineer respectively, while you had never even been able to grasp the basics in education, never spoke with your teachers of anything other than the worrying results of your exams, never came home to share a thing with your parents you had accomplished with a smile of pride stretched on your young face like your siblings did.

Never. Because you weren't ever good enough.

At the dinner table, your siblings boasted of promotions and of revolutionary research, of trials and of successes, of their brilliant breakthroughs, as you sat on the side of the table, listening from the sidelines, excluded from all of the grandeur that you couldn't relate to.

Still, it was always better to keep your mouth shut than to make a dent in the conversation, further embarass yourself and prove how lowly you were, than to have so many pairs of pitying eyes talking down on you in patronising tones, of the subtle condolences from your parents and their regret with triumphant smirks and condescending attitude from your siblings.

In a last ditch effort to make your parents proud, you made the decision of joining the military. You were young and impressionable, under the impression that your parents would finally be impressed.

...Of course, they weren't. In fact, your decision made them even more disappointed, shaking their heads sympathetically with strained smiles stretched on their lips.

Maybe that was the reason you couldn't handle the pressure of the military, you thought. You were weak, incompetent. Pathetic.

Although no one told you explicitly or made you feel that way directly, somehow, you always had felt inferior. Somehow, you felt that no matter what you did, how much you did, how well you thought you did, you wouldn't ever come close to the others's level.

That, despite your effort and dedication, you would never be good enough. Would always be inferior no matter what, because you always had been and would always be so.

...Your Colonel never made you feel that way, though, and you never quite understood why.

After all, your interactions were few-far-and-inbetween. It made you wonder what made you feel this way, and what spark ignited the warmth you'd feel when he was around.

Although a man of few words, the words that he did say to you would matter, though. His praise, his acknowledgement, his always being there made you want to keep going and prove your worth to him.

It started off as sporadic encouragement:

Your skin glistening with sweat, an accented voice would say "Gute Arbeit," over your crumpled body on the gym mat.

Offering you a gloved hand, you grasped it gratefully, and he pulled your tired body with ease. "Good job, King."

A lopsided smile from you as you'd wipe the sweat from your forehead and brows after sparring with someone else, limp limbs barely keeping you standing. His eyes were betrayed no emotion under his veil, yet a thin-lipped grin was behind it.

"Thank— you— sir!" You'd manage to breathe out, still panting for breath. "I did— my best, but— I didn't win."

"That does not matter," he'd say, speaking in a tone you couldn't quite recognize. "Very good job. Keep it going. Soon, you'll be able to pin even me down."

You'd laugh weakly at his words, yet would immediately feel a surge of motivation to keep working hard, and would train up to the point of exhaustion behind closed doors. Thinking you'd be alone, you'd punch a dufflebag with grunts of effort, missing the tall silhouette observing you with crossed arms in the corner, satisfied.

Then, those became casual greetings;

"Guten Morgen, soldier. Nice day, ja?"

Turning around, you'd see your Colonel walking towards you, frame visible even from a distance.

You smile broadly, eyes crinkling up in genuine joy, before you caught yourself and coughed. "Y-yeah!"

"Always a nice day whenever you're around, sir," you'd tease, playfully winking at him as he approached you, yet you were yet to master it without blinking both eyes.

He'd chuckle heartily, flattered, then shook his head to hide how his face flushed under his veil, and held up a hand.

"Thank Gott I have you here. My day would have been ruined."

"Have a good day, sir!" You'd call after him brightly, and he'd turn around for a final time with a two-fingered salute. Strange, since he was your superior, not the other way around, but you shrugged this off as a friendly gesture.

Until it developed into a sort of mutual connection.

In your eyes, at least.

You didn't want to assume that you two were friends, as the man was way out of your league. Strong, muscular, and a disciplined soldier — a Colonel, no less — a man of influence.

Besides, he, conversing with the only-recently-recruit-turned-soldier that was the slowest to understand a joke, did not comprehend complicated terms, and was the least bright out of the entire faction was not something you wanted him to be associated as, didn't want to tarnish his reputation.

You reasoned that you didn't want to bring down the Colonel down to your low level, so you kept your relationship as just that; associates. Aquaintances. Nothing more, out of respect for your Colonel.

Little did you know, the Colonel had developed a soft spot for you.

It seemed as though the storm had gotten worse, as the rain was unrelenting, and the tapping on the glass increased with force. Booming thunderclouds made your room shake.

A sigh as you turned to your side again. 2:07am.

Your thoughts moved back to your Colonel, and you started missing him, longing for him. The warmth that radiated off him made you wish he'd take you in his arms, hold you close to his chest, and you suddenly felt so cold. So lonely and cold.

Maybe it was childish of you to be feeling this way — he was your superior, after all, and you had no reason to be so attached — yet your daily encounters made you gain feelings for the man. Made you feel things when he was around.

Somehow, he brought you security. Made you feel protected. Safe. Like you could always count on him for having your back.

Made you forget that you were so useless, and was the reason for the fuzzyness within your chest, the buzzing feeling you'd feel as you'd be grinning from ear to ear after speaking to him.

Made you feel like you weren't pathetic. Weren't a wasted wishing star. Instead, you were appreciated, seen, even.

You wanted to see him. You wanted to be with him.

...Would he want you, though?

No. Of course he wouldn't. You weren't good enough.

A deep sigh. 2:15, the digital alarm clock displayed.

...What if he actually did want you? Not even as a partner, but just to be around him? Breathe the same air as him? You thought you weren't worthy of his time, but maybe, just maybe he wouldn't see it as such a waste.

Another crash of lightning brought you to your senses.

Finally making up your mind, you huffed in exertion as you pushed yourself off your stiff mattress, not bothering to organize the mess of blankets on the floor.

Walking with certainty, before you realised it, you were at König's bedroom door. Standing behind the door, hand hesitatingly reaching for the handle, you bit your lip, confidence wavering.

Should you really go through with this right now? What if he was asleep at that moment and all you'd do is disrupt his slumber? It wouldn't be fair of you to disturb him so late in the night, especially when he had so many responsibilities.

Still, you inhaled deeply, and, as quietly as you could, knocked twice.

You almost jumped out of your skin at the familiar accented voice of your Colonel.

"Come in," he said hoarsely. His tone was almost warm, inviting, yet you shook your head at the idea, and pulled the handle.

Entering inside, you slowly closed the door behind you. When you turned around, König was sitting on the edge of his bed, elbows resting on his knees, seemingly deep in thought. Wearing a tank top and cargo pants, his head was hung low, his veil hanging loosely over his head.

The blinds were drawn open to reveal the sky dominated by darkness, the grey curtain of monochrome on the nearest buildings cast down by the clouds, the raindrops that remained on the windows and the rhythmic echoes against the pavement as they dropped in syncopation.

The sight, his presence, were both so... relaxing. In a way, your anxiety was relieved by the tranquility of the scene, and it made you forget the internal turnoil you had been going through for the past few hours, made the tension in your body fade.

"Ah, King," his arms dropped to his sides and he raised his head to meet your eyes in the dark. "I had a feeling that it would be you."

You fidgeted nervously, not knowing what to do.

"Bitte, schön," he said, patting the empty space beside him on the mattress. "Please, sit down. I insist."

Slowly lowering yourself to his side, you sat at a reasonable distance away from him. With the both of you sat down, the size difference was still very noticable. His height made him hunch over you, and one of his thighs was like the two of yours combined.

So nervous, you didn't even notice how his back slumped so you'd be both at a similar level.

He cleared his throat. "What brings you here so late in the night?"

An awkward tug of your t-shirt collar.

"Can't sleep," you stated simply.

"I see." He was quiet for a few moments. Then: "And you decided that my room was the place to go?"

Your face heated up, and you averted your gaze. "Well, sir, it's j-ju—"

"—Nein," he cut you off, holding up a hand to stop you. "I have told you so many times not to call me that. Call me König."

"But— but you're my superior," you gasped, mouth agape. "You deserve to be addressed with respect! I couldn't possibly—"

The protest died on your lips again as the man shook his head, the loose material of his veil following his movements. "Nein. None of that matters. I want you to call me by my first name."

A heavy silence lingered over the two of you, words left unsaid by you both.

"So," König prompted, "what brings you here, King?"

Pausing to think over a pretence, the best you could come up with was: "The storm scared me."

"Ja?" Even with the fabric covering his face, you could almost see the skeptical smirk on his lips.

"A soldier like you afraid of loud clouds? Some rain?" He chuckled.

"Really, I'd have thought you better than that, King." If you didn't know him well enough, you'd have thought he was mocking you, yet despite the sarcasm his eyes held a genuine concern for you.

An bashful laugh escaped you as you rubbed your arm, nails slightly digging into your skin.

"Okay, tell me the truth, King," Leaning forward, his tone became serious. "I know for certain you aren't scared."

He searched for your eyes, yet you avoided his gaze.

"Something is troubling you. Is that it?" He cocked his head to the side, fabric falling loosely over his shoulder. "You can tell me, King. I am your superior, you know. You should tell me these things."

"Well... it's j-just—"

You bit your lip, willing the tears to stay in your eyes.

Don't cry. Don't you dare cry.

König watched you, patiently waiting for you to continue.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, vulnerability showing in your eyes. "—This recent mission, it was— it was really, really difficult. And I just..."

König shuffled towards you until your knees were almost touching, watching you intently. As your body trembled, a hand hovered in uncertainty by your shoulder.

Sniffling, you wiped the wetness on your face with your arm, voice breaking.

"I-I just think that I'm not strong. That I'm... weak. Not— not good enough to be working with people that are so much better. So much stronger—"

Your breath hitched in your throat, voice coming out in a broken sob. "—I-I mean— I'm so pathetic. I shouldn't be so... weak. I should — I should be better. Wh-why—"

Tears flowed freely down your face. "—Why can't I be better, König? Why am I so— so useless?"

Without saying anything, König wrapped his strong arms around your body and pulled you against his chest, pulled you close so you could let it all out. For a few moments, he let you cry, ever-so-gently stroking the back of your head, fingers running through your hair. Weeping into his chest, his steady breathing soothed you.

Once you recovered enough from your emotions, you pulled away, downcast. Face red and blotchy with tears, eyes puffy and pink from crying, lips quivering and voice hoarse, you felt so pathetic. So, so pathetic.

"F-fuck, s-si— König—" Trembling. "I'm so so sorry. I'm too emotional, please, I'm sor—"

"Nein." His tone was soft, yet firm. Definitive. "You have nothing to apologise for, King."

Both hands cupped the sides of your face, tentatively tilting your face upwards. His expression was forlorn, and you felt tears brimming in your eyelids again.

"...You're not weak. You're not pathetic. You're not useless. I see you always trying so hard, King, always giving it your all..."

He paused for a few moments, deliberating over how best to put his thoughts into words. "...Maybe... maybe your best isn't the best out of anyone's bests, but it's the effort that counts." He rubbed the back of his neck, then let out a mono-syllabic laugh. "Scheiße, did that make sense? Sorry— I'm not good with words—"

You glanced away. "—Hey," his hand reached to hold to side of your face. "Look at me, King."

"You're not weak, not pathetic, not useless," he repeated, voice wavering.

"You're none of those. You're better than you think you are. Your inner strength," a finger pointed at your chest, "your heart, it's so full of goodness. So full of so many good things that don't define you, but instead changed you for the better."

"Maybe... maybe you aren't the aren't the best, haven't been the best, or never will be the best, but it's not your fault. You try so hard, and the odds... the odds are stacked against you. And, sometimes... sometimes it's okay to not be the best. You don't have to be fearless, the strongest, perfect. You can just be... you."

His eyes were pleading in the dark. "Please don't doubt yourself. You're so— so much better than you imagine."

A shaky breath. "So much stronger than you tell yourself. I can promise you, you are your own person. Other people's successes don't define you."

König turned around to glance at his alarm. 2:36.

When he turned back, your face had slowly regained the colour on your cheeks, eyes sparkled, chest rose and fall at a steady pace. You said nothing, yet König knew you listened to every one of his words.

"Looks like it's too late for you to fall asleep in your own room," he whispered, gently caressing your face. "Stay here with me, King."

Eyes immediately widening in surprise, you were about to protest. "B-but— I couldn't possibly, König—"

That protest died on your lips as König's arms engulfed you again, and brought you down against his mattress so you were laying on his chest. Cocooned like a protective blanket over you, you didn't need him to say anything more. You felt so... safe. Loved.

The storm outside seemed to calm down, and lightning no longer crashed against the window. Rain faltered, and some clouds were separating in the darkness of the sky.

Before you knew it, your eyelids became heavy with drowsiness, feeling a wave of calm wash over you, cleansing away your sorrows.

Just before you fell asleep, you heard König say something in German, barely above a whisper, but you did not understand:

"Schlaf gut Schatz. Ich liebe dich."

...

I don't know who needed to hear that, or if anyone even did, but I stand by the words I wrote. Although you are reading this, and are likely a stranger, and I'll never face you in real life, I want you to know that you *are* good enough. And if it takes a person on the internet using a fictional character to tell you so, then so be it. You are still valid. 🫂

...

Note: i rhink some of the ppl that read my previous fics will be able to tell that i went tryhard mode on this one 💀💀

Its mostly bc im back in school and were going over all the stupid fancy shmancy literative devices and figurstive language (god why cant u call it literallt anything else i swear why does it have ro be so unnecessarily overcomplicated just call it sentence structures or writing techniques istg.man😭)so i unconsciously chanelled all of thise boring technicalities into this 😬

With me writing as a hobby you'd think I'd have the highest grades in English? No💔I wish LMAO

I NOW HAVE 130+ FOLLOWERS!!! Which is unbelievable if u wsk me bc etf why wre eo mwnt people following me i don't deserve this qt ALL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 THANK YOU ALL 🥹🥹🥹🫶🫶🫶💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

I still remember when @puff0o0⭐ began their self-aware au with König and Ghost qnd ive qlways veen cheerint for her from the sidelines ☺️☺️come to find out shes been mentioning ME in THEIR podts and writing on their blofs thwt my CoD blog is good and i.????😭😭😭cant????????😭😭😭😭😭 Literally -99999 damage and an ARROW 🏹 STRAIGHT thru the HEART 💘🥹 I LOVE U B (platonically ofc dw)😽💕💓💓❤️💞💞💕💞💕💞💞💞💕

[servicpop]

im feeling a little sad so i came up with how ur ocs react to reader crying <333333

mk adrien wouldnt know what to do. hes never rly had to deal with anyone being vulnerable with him. he doesnt know what to say, so instead, he just pulls you into his lap and places ur face into the crook of his neck as you keep on crying. he plays with your hair, rubs ur back, but he doesnt say much, which is just what you need rn

vallen would also put u in his lap, but he'd talk to u a lot more. "whats wrong, babe?" "aw, its ok darling..." and then he'd spoil you with like, rly fancy food and anything else you want lol. (me personally i want five star michelin boba :D)

cole would wrap his arms around you the minute he sees you crying. smother u in kisses in hopes that it'll make u feel better. he'd ask the usual questions but he'd tuck ur head against his chest. i'd imagine a nice horse ride in the middle of the night after. it'd feel nice with the wind brushing against u

callahan would feel a pang in his heart and he'd question everything he thought about criminals. do thieves rly cry like this? at first he'd be hesitant, wondering if this is all fake to pull him into a trap, but he treats u like he would anyone who gets vulnerable around him. he'd be distant for a bit, but he'd binge watch his favorite cartoons with you. it makes u laugh eventually, wondering why such a gruff and rough guy would watch mickey mouse and know everything about it lmao

mk these were kinda bad but like i needed to share these ToT

these are so good nonnie ,, hope you're feeling better too !!

Adrien would have his back against the headboard of his bed, holding you so tight against his chest, practically forcing you to listen to his heart beat to help you calm down. He's owned those plushies with built-in pulses and they've always helped him calm down so he thought it would with you ! And you're right , he wouldn't say anything , too afraid of sayin' the wrong thing so he just quietly strokes your back , occasionally muttering quiet sentences like "I'm right here, it's alright, I'm not leaving."

Vallen definitely would start spoiling you immediately. It's a bit abrupt but after your tears dry up and you're no longer trembling , the first thing he's doing is booking out the whole restaurant just so you and him can talk about your problems in a cozy corner with a breathtaking view without the annoyance of other people. His spoiling isn't limited to fancy things either ! He values the thought that goes into presents rather than things worth a lot of money so he brings you to a spot where the fruits are the freshest and the older ladies are there to comfort you as well — Vallen thinks that food always tastes better when the aunties or grannies make them. He's definitely a grandparent's boy ! Once you and him sit down , enjoying your treats , he'll cup your face and whisper in the most velvety tone , "You're worth every penny and dime I spend, I wouldn't trade anything in the world for you, darling, remember that. You're my sweet boy"

Cole 100% would bundle you (and him) up into a warm burrito with his blankets, trying to be as close as possible to you. He's like those absurdly big puppies , licking kissing your face and everywhere he can. When he sees those tears he can't help but tear up too ! When you're sad he's sad. He kisses them all away , letting you hide in the comfort of his chest , holding your nape gently with his hand as he lets words spill out his mouth. Unlike Adrien , Cole can't seem to stop talking , he'll ramble about how you're the most special boy he's ever met , how you make him feel so good , and how he's always excited to see you. Once you're somewhat calmer, he'd offer you to ride with him, letting you take the lead as he sits behind you , arms draped around your waist as he tells you about all the old stories of the animals. "That's why Mary's got wool in the shape of a heart, she's the equivalent of cupid — but sheeps," They were all so outlandish, but you could tell he was just trying to make you giggle.

Callahan is definitely dumbfounded at first , he doesn't know what to do or how to react when he sees those tears dripping from your eyes. All he feels is an ache in his chest but his mind screams against comforting you. He was supposed to hate you , not want to console you , tell you everything is going to be okay. He awkwardly puts a hand on your shoulder, trying to come up with something to say before letting out a sigh, gently tugging you to lounge with him , putting on Mickey mouse as he sits there quietly , watching your face change from sad to a soft smile. He can't understand that fluttering feeling in his heart — maybe it's old age? "Did you know that mickey mouse's first words was hot dogs?" He'd grumble out of the blue. It was honestly concerning how much he knew about Mickey Mouse and other cartoons you binged with him ... he was just spewing out facts you never knew !

[vampykween]

hi mic :D

i just read your toxic!husband!ghost fics and would like to ask if u could write one where the reader just gives up on their relationship, maybe they finally file for divorce?

loved your writing btw! ♡

hi hi! thank u! i’m so glad y’all are enjoying toxichusband!ghost hehe

i hope i did your idea justice. i have a problem with just letting asks get away from me oops! but kiss ur brain for this idea cause i loved this! i get way too excited writing angsty stuff

you would realize you’ve had enough on the most random of days. after looking after your kids all day and finally getting your house cleaned, laundry all done. simon would come home and not even stop to greet you. he instantly strips from his fatigues and tosses them somewhere on the couch, turns on the tv to watch the game, and kicks up his feet and perches them on the clean coffee table. just the sight of him makes your blood boil. you make a mental note right then to talk to a divorce lawyer cause jesus you couldn’t take anymore of this.

you’ve been agonizing over doing this for the past week. hidden in your nightstand drawer was an envelope that was going to change your life forever, and not just yours, your children’s lives too. that thought has stifled your desire for a divorce just ever so slightly, as much as you can’t take a loveless marriage anymore you know your kids will be hurt by this.

you and simon are lounging in your bed and you’re losing your edge to serve him the papers. you’re worn out from cooking dinner and doing the usual nighttime routine with the kids. you suck in a deep breath and remind yourself that this decision is for the best; you don’t deserve to be chained down by someone who won’t appreciate you.

“simon…”

“yeah?” he doesn’t look up from whatever he’s engrossed in on his phone and you roll your eyes exasperatedly. you’re swiftly reminded why you’re in this position.

“i- um, we need to talk.” god your palms were sweaty and your heart was hammering in your chest. why was this so much harder than you thought it would be. simon still doesn’t give you his attention and you figure you should just rip the bandaid off already.

your shaky hands open the nightstand drawer and fish out the large yellow envelope you’ve been holding onto for the past week. you nudge his shoulder with enough force to get him to look up at you, and shove the envelope in his now free hand.

he quirks an eyebrow at you curiously, “the hell is this?”

you gulp painfully and whisper at him to just open it. his large digits tear open the paper easily and as he’s scanning through the lengthy paper, you can see it clear on his face the moment he realizes what’s happening. he turns his body fully towards yours and you can see the fury in his eyes.

“have you lost your fuckin’ head. why on earth would ya want a divorce?” the bass in your husband’s voice rattles his words around in your head, simon doesn’t yell often, but god do you hate it when he does.

“simon, i just can’t anymore.” his eyes bulge incredulously at your words, but you ignore his idiotic look and continue. “i’m constantly bending over backwards to do everything for this family and you don’t even appreciate it. hell it doesn’t feel like you love me at all.”

“fuckin’ hell. you think you’re the only one putting in work for this family. what do you think i’m doing all day? and when i’m deployed? ya think i’m just fuckin’ around for fun?”

“oh my- are you serious?! of course i know that you work hard to provide for this family. did you even listen to a word i just said? i have to nag you to clean, to do laundry, to stop giving the kids all the things i tell them they can’t have. i have to literally beg you to kiss me and take me on dates! you never tell me you love me anymore simon!”

the rage behind simon’s eyes dims and he grasps both your hands in his. “love. baby, please you can’t leave me. you’re right, you do so much for us all and i know im shit about saying thank you, but who’s going to do all the stuff ya do if you leave?”

your face starts to grow hot as you begin to boil over with anger. you rip your hands from his hold forcibly. “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me! you can’t even convince me to stay because you love me. you want me here so i can do everything for you. you know what? fuck you! i’m so sorry your poor mommy is gone and you need someone to fill that void, and i was stupid enough to play that role for this long, but i’m not doing it anymore.”

“oh you’re a fuckin’ cunt for that. bringing up my mum, you’re fucked in the head!” simon barks at you. you should feel bad, it was a low blow, but you couldn’t care less.

you scramble out of the bed, storming around the room looking for a pen. you’re throwing open drawers with so much force they’re just a hair from ripping straight out. when you eventually find one, you thrust it into simon’s large hand.

“don’t fucking care. you’re an absolute piece of shit. sign the fucking papers, please, so i no longer have to hold back the urge to kill you with my bare hands.”

“what about the kids? you’re just gonna take them away from me?! if you do, i’ll spend every day trying to remind them they’ve got a right bitch for a mum,” simon sneers at you.

all the love you had for simon has vanished, but hearing him say he’d spend eternity making sure your kids hated you? that tore your heart in two. your throat begins to constrict as tears begin to build behind your eyes. you really didn’t want to cry in front of him, but you were suddenly hit with the realization that the life you dreamed of was never going to be real.

you think back to your wedding day, your husband had written the most beautiful vows, which shocked you as you hadn’t expected him to be able to express his love for you that way. he had promised to always make you feel like you deserved the world. suddenly you woke up one day and the man you once loved was gone, replaced by a shitty, co-dependent, workaholic who sucked out all the life in you.

in this moment, you simply prayed that one day, you wouldn’t feel like every choice you made lead to this terrible life you have now.

[msp9]

THIS IS MY LIKES AND DISLIKES OF CHAOS THEORY ⚠️Spoilers below cut⚠️

When i first finished this season, I too like some people, was skeptical about it. I get why some people say its bad, I just thought it was very different from cc. At points the characters didin't feel like themsleves, the way some of them were written and the designs gave me a real hard time to get used to them. Also i felt as if it was just too much to process at times so i rewatched it and my final answer is that its a good show the pacing is incredeble, the plot, the suspence and character development. i just had a hard time getting used to everything new? Ig. I'm still doubting whether its a 10 but sure thing is that it was a very good first season its a easy 9/10. So here are the thinks i liked abt it:

-THE WAY THEY POTRAYED EVERYONES TRAUMA/STRUGGLES , Sammy having anxiety, Yaz overcoming her ptsd, and KENJI. MY BOY. That must have been the best breakdown i've seen in animated series. Whoever wrote that scene. Wow. It was the best thing in the whole show honestly. His vision gtting blurry, having truble breathing. The panick. Wow. I CANNOT SAY THIS LOUD ENOUGH.

-Ben and Sammy duo? Hello? Im srry to say but you might just be better than Yaz and Ben duo. Idk i really loved them.

- "Benjamin."

- Showing Yaz is doing better. Despite her ongoing struggles, she has clearly grown and matured the last 6 years, and the way she calmed Sammy in the sinking van? Ig all those therapy sessions and college paid off. That scene is a clear illustration of the progress she has made. I mean sammy did say "i can tell shes still struggling" but there wasnt really a clear scene of her getting stuck in place as she used to. So my guess is that it was just Sammys anxiety and the fact that they didint talk much. Bc then Sammy was surprised how she kept herselve together. So yeah

-YASAMMY. NOTHING MORE TO ADD.

-UM SAMMYS CHARACTER?? HELLO? GLOW UP, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, i loved her sm. She moved up to my top 3.

And her anxiety? It was so well shown too

-the fight between Sammy and Yaz felt so natural and not at all forced. They both had valid points and in the end they did understand each other and were on the same page.

-Ben being Ben in almost every episode

- Yasmina's "boo."

-Brooklynns design?? Majestic to say the least.

- ingore what i said ealrier abt the acting out of character. They do remind themsleves they just grew

Well, all except Ben...

-Kenjis new voice actor, he did a real good job, as much as it doesn't sound like him, he really captured some emotional scenes very well.

- The robot lady. THEY REALLY SAID TAKE A WOMAN AND MAKE HER CREEPY ASF. I was genunanly creeped out. And the detail that at the ranch if u listen closesly u can hear the whistle. Hell nah that was scary.

-Benrius Ben and Darius friendship, okay actually u can't tell me u didint feel it too, the tention between ben and Darius cmon we all know what u are Ben stop making up girlfriends in Europe

-Brooklynn turning bad, or from what we are told worked for bad people ig. Personally as much as it shocked me, im sure theres a good reason as to why and i cant wait to hear more abt in season 2.

-I can now undertand what everyone meant in reviews saying "its more mature" not only in the more death and dinos but it woyud be kind of confusing for a younger audience to undertsand some stuff in this show.

-I really liked Daniels kon death, maybe it wasn't necesarry but im all in for that dark death scene.

-Lastly the comment Sammy makes when Ben asks how bumpy got pregnant, and the yazs smirk. Gurl i was suprised they added that but i loved it

Now, the things that i didint like and why:

- First of all, Darius being in love with brooklynn. I mean i get it but i also dont get it. In my opinion, there shouldn't have been a different reason as to why Darius was the most effected by her death. They were close and she died. Its okay to be really effected by someones death and not bc u liked them, and i also do believe that the reason for him not showing up the night she "died" should have been smth more serious. Then again i get it bc now he felt a lot more guilt bc it was for a not so important reason he didint show up and thats why he didint tell anyone. Well axtually it isnt that bad, but i just felt it was forced for the plot. This again could be bc i started to like kenlynn and now they turned the tables completly but sure.

-Brooklynns voice actor. I just couldn't connect her to brooklynn? She sounded a lot different, not a major bad thing it was just hard to get used to.

-Ben having a gf, or supposedly having one, u telling me this man has a gf:

I thought it funny but yk that man is a homosexual

- and lastly, Brooklynn being alive. This might sound bad but it made sense for her to die. And i was kinda lamed out that she wasnt dead. (Pls ironically enough, just weeks ago i begged for her to be alive.) But like the way everyone suffered bc of her death, going throught the 5 stages of grief, and the way the show was played. It just would have been better if she died, all those flashbacks, the emotional moments, i mean its not gonna be the same when i rewatch it bc i know shes alive. Anyways enough abt this.

Actually i have nothing more to add to my "bad stuff" list but i might come up with smth later. Bc i will be rewatchibg it obviously. Ig lastly i just wanted more episodes how dare they cutting the season of right there.

[a-big-chicken-nerd]

can we get more info on the movie ice emperor (i am sickly obsessed with the ice chapter and the ninjago movie. i will kill a man for more of the funny guy if needed)

WOOHOO OKAY im glad you asked i think about him constantly

first of all im open for ideas on what movie!neverrealm is like because im having a hard time coming up with anything but currently what ive sort of vaguely got is that its just more technologically advanced (not modern though) (like. mid to late 1800s-ish??)

vex is pretty much the same in personality except now hes british and is like a tired single parent

anyway ice emperor

hes not allowed to leave his throneroom and no one but vex is allowed inside the throneroom "for his safety" (its actually because hes so silly and un-royaltylike and vex worries no one will take the ice emperor seriously if they actually meet him)

he has a lot more energy than show!emperor and is constantly bored

internally watches his movie collections a LOT. from the outside it looks like hes just wandering around his throneroom and stopping to stare at nothing for about an hour, going over to a new spot and staring off again for another two hours

makes vex watch movies with him sometimes. ice emperors favorite movies are the star wars prequels, which vex also thought were cool at first but got sick of them after being forced to watch them like 45 different times throughout the years

makes tracks with ice around the throneroom to roll down on his heelies. vex will come in to a whole icy skatepark setup and the ice emperor will be like "crowd_cheering.mp3 VEX CHECK THIS OUT" and roll down a single ramp and immediately fall over and vex just has to clap and go "wow my lord that was so "sick""

vex HAS to hang out with ice emperor and try to keep him entertained or he will get bored & lonely and throw a fit and freeze everything in the castle

ice emperor is falling apart because he isnt made of titanium like show!emperor is, like whatever his outer layer is made of isnt handling the low temperatures and years of no maintenance very well at all. the armor and the mask is to hide all the damage . whether or not that makes him more or less creepy looking is up to personal opinion

he broke the Ten Billion Lumen Light in the throneroom on accident :[

and of course: BOREALL movie!boreal is a dragon but he acts like a big kitty. he is just lazy and doesnt listen to anyone except ice emperor and is usually lounging around on the castle roof.

will do what the ice emperor says but only takes the command as a suggestion. he gets distracted easily and takes shortcuts so he can be done and go back to napping

LOVES getting scritched behind the horns

uses the castle walls as a scratching post

he would LOVE the big laser pointer

the only time ice emperor can ever leave his throneroom is to go on the roof to tell boreal to do stuff (they always end up playing and hanging out for ages instead)

ice emperor makes big ice mice for boreal to chase around and catch

the ninja didnt have to kill boreal in this au. they saw this big wyvern displaying kitty behaviors and were like "oh yeah this is just like meowthra" and (very easily) distracted and befriended him. he got a lot of behind-the-horn scritches that day

im glad u guys seem to like movieverse emperor too because he just kind of kicked down the door of my brain one day and made himself at home and refuses to leave

[serenequeenofeverything]

What your teams of lights wants you to know? A self tarot reading.

Group i, ii, iiii, iv

But before we move on onto the reading, i want you to understand what teams of light is.

Now I won't go into details, but if you want a separate post on this, let me know in the replies. I would be more than happy to teach you more.

This is a direct quote from Laura lynne Jackson, the author of "signs: the secret language of the universe" :

" We all have a Team of Light on the Other Side. These teams send us signs.

These signs come from three distinct forces:

1. We receive signs from God energy, which is what I mean when I say signs from the universe. This is the highest and most powerful source of love, and we are each directly connected to it, and also to one another through it.

2. We receive signs from our spirit guides / the angelic realm.

3. We receive signs from our loved ones who have crossed."

Now here is the thing, you don't need me to deliver these messages to you. You receive them yourself everyday, but you might simply dismiss it. Im here to tell you what you already probably know but also probably choose to ignore or not pay much attention to.

Now shall we begin?

Just breath in and out. Let's begin.

Group i

You are not stuck as u like to think. You know your way out of this thing (a good majority of you already made it out of this situation) tbh i mostly see a relationship but it could also totally be something related to finances and just money in general.

Here is what you need to hear tho, whoever and whatever this situation was, you will do so much better without them. You are more than capable of handling this alone. And ur teams of light are more than willing to help you, to make this easier for you. So ask for help, but within not from the outside. U have so much within urself that the world outside is nothing but a failed attempt to reflect what you already have.

This song came in so strong, listen to it.

Group ii

Very similar message to group i, kinda the same theme but while theirs revolved around trusting the self, and working through their situation alone, yours is more about collaborating with others to solve this. Now i know this may have failed for you before, but this time try differently, maybe with a different person (s).

Ur luck is about to be better but here's what i (and you teams of light) need you to do, 1. Have stronger boundaries 2. Dont get emotionally attached to these people (person) this is business, not friendship. 3. Just this time try, i promise it will go better.

Group iii

Honestly this is the group that i feel most horrible for. This group seems to be going through a lot financially speaking, some of you might even be on the verge of going homeless. Listen up my babe, you know your situation better than i do, u actually know way too well that bad your situation is or can potentially become, and it's stressing you out beyond measures.

Your teams of light is clearly saying "go there" "go back", it's something about relying on another person or maybe even the government, maybe a shelter or a father figure (I definitely see a dad) to help you in this. This is the best thing to do. Trust me, this time reach out for your own sake and safety.

Group iv

Wow and here I thought only group iii situation was bad. um.. so do u struggle with some sort of addiction? Or do you feel like you are in a home or a situation that's crumbling to the group but u r stuck and you cannot get out? If that's not you then this is not your group(altho i still suggest u read the advice section in case it might somehow be exactly what u need to hear).

Okay, if you know this is your group, then let me tell you that there's a way out. Something will come up, idk what it is but it will be big. Most probably a guy will come in, they will offer you something, an idea maybe? (Altho be fucking careful, this whole situation is very effy). I genuinely dont know what's happening... like legit this group confuses the fuck out of me, so idk if u should take this offer... dont get desperate and i know u r desperate but it's almost like the cards are telling me to tell you to not trust this person but to use their idea. Almost like listen to their advice and take their advice but not with them in the plan..

Im gonna give u an example so u understand; you live in an abusive household, and u wanna escape it. But u cannot find the way out, then boom this guy comes in and is like I'll help you but long term if u go with them u will end up in a very bad situation. But here's another way to do it, this person tells u how they will help you, like their plan to get u out, what i need u to do is do as their plan minus them( the guy).

Hopefully this makes sense, english is my third language so i find it hard to tell u exactly how it is.

-----------------------------------------------

Anyways, this is it. I hope this helps you.

Also follow me bc... im too good.

And also u can totally suggest what my next reading should be on by simply replying to this post (altho i dont take personal readings right now)

[wooahaes]

under the sun [joshua]

pairing: non-idol!joshua x gn!reader

prompt: darl+ing inspired fic.

word count: 11.4k~

warnings: slightly suggestive at the very very end, but its left up to interpretation whether anything happens!! (its just two idiots in love making out for a minute). so, so much skinship and platonic-ish kisses between joshua and reader throughout. depictions of nightmares + mentions of vague illness and injuries within said nightmares. food mentions. more straight forward, flirty joshua throughout fic. mentions of joshua being mr gentle sexy.

daisy’s notes: men i am down bad for after writing this........ also sorry to anyone who asked to be tagged but wasn’t: several names didn’t pop up when i tried to @ them !! (plus tumblr for some reason hates when i try to have a taglist so if it DOES show that u were @-ed but didnt receive a notif, im so sorry!! ive had this issue for a while and i have no idea how to fix it...)

< day 3 || masterlist ||

summary: It all starts when you wake up in a field without a name or any memories to define yourself with. Thirteen men take you in as one of their own, and slowly you begin to wonder what is going on within this world… and between you and one of them.      

It wouldn’t be wrong to say that Joshua already had a soft spot for you.

This, however, was normal in his eyes. Every time a new person came from maybe either Soonyoung or Wonwoo onward, Joshua found himself doting on people a little extra. When Jun came, it simply felt like they were a tiny group of people living together. But something about that number ticking over from four to five or five to six felt... More, in a way. Although he didn’t dote heavily on Soonyoung, or Wonwoo for that matter, his affections were obvious from day one. The amusement he found in Soonyoung’s jokes, the gentle way Joshua made sure to keep Wonwoo (and later Jihoon, Minghao, and occasionally Hansol when he wasn’t feeling the chattiest) acknowledged in conversations (never forcing them to speak, but making sure they felt regarded as a member of the group), his friendly competitions with the others... He found ways to make sure people felt involved. Jeonghan was better at listening and giving advice, Seungcheol’s job was to lead, and therefore Joshua kept people feeling loved. Whether that be with casual conversation or the occasional mischievous prank he pulled. With you, he expected more of the same: he would dote on you in the beginning, and then it would fade into that same love and care he provided everyone with. Truthfully, Joshua enjoyed caring for people. There was a reason he was called gentle sexy, after all (... even if it was semi self-imposed).

And at the end of your first week living with them, Joshua saw how stressed you were becoming for one reason or another. So he decided he’d get to the root of the problem sooner rather than later. Once he finished hanging laundry with you and the others, he offered up a little picnic lunch--just the two of you. He’d packed up the sandwiches someone else (Mingyu, he thought) had made, and sliced fruit for you. All that was left was for the two of you to find a nice spot to sit in. He carried his bag with food and water bottles inside of you, while you had been tasked with the very important job of carrying the blanket he’d found for you.

He’d suggested the spot the two of you eventually settled into: half underneath the shade of the tree, and half underneath the sunshine. He spread out the blanket for two of you, gazing up at the cloudy sky above for a moment. He looked at you after a moment, gently patting the spot next to him. Yet when you sat down, he didn’t notice the way he slightly shifted to be closer to you without much thought. It felt... natural in a strange way.

“Like my second day,” you mused aloud at one point as Joshua was pulling the securely wrapped food from his bag. He looked up with a hum, but realized what you meant a second later: the two of you had lazed together under the sky that day, too.

His fingers grazed against your own for a moment, acutely aware of how the side of your hand pressed against his own that day. “It wasn’t that long ago,” he gently teased, a warm chuckle escaping his throat. “But you already fit in with us.” Just like we knew you would, he wanted to say, but he held back. Would that be a little too bold to say...?

“I do?”

He smiled. “You do,” he said, his hand already finding a home with your own, your fingers already lacing together with his. “I wouldn’t lie. I think we all care about you a lot, even if it’s in different ways.”

He could see the way you bit back a thought. Absentmindedly, your thumb brushed over his.

“Even Jihoon and Minghao,” he told you. He noticed the way you raised your eyes, already caught. And oh how cute your expression was. Maybe he’d catch you in silly little moments like these again if he could see that wide-eyed look again. “They’re just taking their time. They were like this with Seungkwan and Chan, too.”

It didn’t take you long to piece together the missing name there. “What about Hansol?”

Joshua’s eyes seemed to light up a little as he smiled. “Jihoon liked him almost immediately,” he said, “but he’s the exception. Jihoon likes you enough, and so does Minghao. They just take a little longer to warm up to people.”

“What about Jun?”

“Jun’s looking out for you, too,” Joshua said. “He’s also a little quieter about it. But... you know that Chan likes you. So do Hansol and Seungkwan...” His thumb ran along the side of your hand. “And so do I.”

He could see a flustered smile cross your lips, and you turned your face away from him, looking to the sky instead. But you finally spoke a tiny, “Thank you,” a second later. He laughed a little, warm and vibrant, at how adorable you truly were.

“So... What else is inside that cute head?” He smiled at you, tilting his head as though it’d allow him to peer inside and see said thoughts. “Anything new?”

Your smile slowly dropped, and you let out a quiet sigh. “Nothing so far.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” he said, gently squeezing your hand. “It takes time. I think once you stop worrying about it so much, it’ll come to you.”

With another sigh, you turned back to face him again. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“It’s easy after a while,” he said, pulling his hand free from your own. He reached for the sandwiches he’d brought the two of you, offering one up. Your fingers grazed his again when you accepted it, and he turned his attention to unwrapping it slowly. “When you’ve been here as long as some of us have... You learn to accept each day for what it is.” He went quiet, staring down at his meal. 

And you watched as proud, bright, warm Joshua turned into someone... quieter. Like the volume had been slowly turned down, number by number, until his melody could barely be heard while still being there. He said nothing for a moment, just staring blankly, brows drawing together as he gathered his thoughts.

“Sometimes... I pray,” he finally said. “And I think it helps. I grew up Catholic,” he looked back up at you, “That much I remember. I remember singing in church....” He went quiet again for a moment, idly pulling at a piece of the bread. “Singing’s really important to me, actually. Sometimes I don’t know why, but it is.”

You weren’t sure what to say to someone so pensive, so quiet compared to the version you knew most days. So you opted for what you knew was true: “You’re good at it.”

A smile crossed his face, even if it didn’t fully seem to be him again. “You’re sweet,” he said at first, eyes meeting yours after a second. This time, his smile actually met his eyes. “Thank you. But you should hear Seungkwan. And Seokmin, too,” he said, taking a bite of his sandwich, as if to distract himself from whatever thoughts had washed over him before. “Jeonghan and Jihoon are talented, too,” he said after swallowing his bite, “but you really, really need to hear how Seungkwan and Seokmin sound--especially if they sing together.”

That seemed to bring back the Joshua you were most familiar with. Not that you didn’t like this quieter, more thoughtful version of him: you thought that maybe, in time, you would learn how to speak to him in moments like that. It was strange, though... He always seemed so carefree so far, most days enjoying the freedom that this life could give him. It almost felt as though he was made for it. That wasn’t to say that you didn’t think Joshua could have those quieter moments: you were sure everyone there had them--even Soonyoung, who seemed to carry the most laughter with him, or Mingyu, who’s silly, goofy nature spoke for itself most days. Yet with Joshua... It felt as though you weren’t prepared to see that side of him peek out so soon.

It was cute, though, to see the way he happily hyped up the others and their talents. Soonyoung loved to dance--as did Jun, Minghao, and Chan, and Joshua was happy to sing the praises of everyone there. He’d let you see too much of himself, too soon. Maybe when the two of you were closer (and, truly, he hoped you would be), he would confide in you the way he confided in Jeonghan. He hoped you would feel the same safety in confiding in him, too: he might not be as warm as Jeonghan seemed to be, but he wanted to give you a warm place to land if you needed it, arms wide open and ready to embrace you when you needed it.

That night, he woke up from a far too vivid dream. The memory seemed to fade away soon, slipping from his grasp as he sat forward, a hand running through his hair. He’d been somewhere... crowded and loud, making his way through throngs of people. He remembered being approached, yet the face seemed... blurry and distant. Like he should remember it, but something in his mind refused to let him make out specific features.

“Joshua?” Jeonghan quietly mumbled from beside him, sleep laced into his voice. He stifled a yawn, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm. “Are you alright?”

He nodded, slowly settling back into bed as he turned onto his side. “Just had a weird dream,” he said. “Nothing bad. Don’t worry.”

Jeonghan accepted the answer easily enough, eyelids drooping shut as he snuggled back into the space next to him. He’d talk to him about it in the morning--no need to wake Jeonghan up over something so silly. He slipped back into slumber as easily as he had pulled his blanket back over him, and was left with nothing else he could remember that next morning. He made his way to breakfast with the others, stopping long enough to glance at himself in a mirror. He looked the same, so why did he feel so... Different?

He’d waved at you on his way in, and noticed your shy smile as you waved back before returning to your conversation with Seokmin. Joshua went to get a glass, his focus purely on getting a glass of water. Maybe that’d help settle him, centering him on something other than what he dreamed about last night. Seungcheol had stopped beside him, though, his own glass in hand.

“Everything okay?” He asked in a quiet voice. “I felt you jolt last night.”

“You did?” Joshua raised his eyes to meet Seungcheol’s. “Just had a weird dream. It felt... real.”

Seungcheol slowly nodded, taking in each word with care. “Like a memory?”

“I think so.” Joshua paused. Yet... The other memories never felt so vivid. Not like this. They felt real in the same sense, but what made this one feel so intense...?

He saw you again, giggling at something Seokmin had said, and he could see the way he pressed kisses into your cheek with a smile.

Well. There might be his why sitting right there. All that was left was to chase after it.

“Today, I’m going to teach you something very important.”

Joshua’s hand was holding yours as he walked alongside the river with you, more-so to guide you than his casual form of skinship. He’d invited you along with him for a small walk through nature--something he enjoyed doing on his own sometimes, but today wasn’t just leisure. He’d left you waiting in anticipation after he finally decided to break the news to you as to why he’d suddenly invited you out again barely a few days after your picnic.

“The art,” he said, with a purposeful pause to build suspense, “of living one day at a time.” He let go of your hand after a moment, slowing to a stop as he turned to you. “I think you could use it.”

He was slightly teasing you, and you could tell from the way he was smiling at you. Yet you agreed easily enough to ‘take these lessons,’ since he’d casually offered you a ‘once-in-a-lifetime deal’ when he invited you out earlier. If there was anything Joshua was good at, it was keeping you entertained. Whether that be through playing guitar or singing, or building up to moments like these... You definitely found him charming in plenty of ways.

“It’s hard,” he said, “but I learned a while back that it’s better to accept each day as they come. It helped me relax, at least--and it helped a few of the others, so I think I’m an expert now.”

Charming and cheeky. A deadly combination, in your humble opinion, but you liked Joshua’s company too much. If he would be the death of you, then c’est la vie... At least Chan would hopefully avenge you, maybe with Seungkwan and Hansol at his side.

(Not that you had any worries with Joshua: he was strong and safe in the same way the others were. The only fear you truly ever could have was of impending heartbreak, if you let yourself fall for his charms.)

Joshua drifted away from you, plucking a few flowers from the ground before he turned back to you. “There’s a lot of beauty in nature. I think I knew it before, but living here really makes you appreciate it a lot more.” He made his way over, carefully placing the flower behind your ear.

It was at this point that you realized he’d placed the other behind his own, and he smiled at the way the two of you matched now: little yellow flowers almost making it seem like the two of you were a pair. He turned, starting off talking about his own walks he goes on sometimes, enjoying the scenery even though he’s seen it an endless amount of times by now, and you followed behind him like a duckling.

Eventually, he found a spot to sit. He nodded toward the spot next to him, the corners of his lips slightly upturned as he watched you sink down into the spot next to him.

“What do you see?”

You raised a brow at him. What?

“Humor me,” he said. “Just tell me what you can see.”

So with a long exhale, you looked around, and began to list off things. The river ahead of you, stretching toward the lake at the end of this path. The trees that surrounded both of you, having reached the more wooded area. If you looked close enough, you could see fish underneath the water, scales shimmering in the sunlight that peeked through the trees. Tiny flowers dotting amongst the grass: some pink, some white... and others yellow, like the ones you and Joshua still had behind your ears.

Your eyes trailed him up. “I see you, too,” you said after a moment.

It earned a smile from him. “Well,” he said, “I see you as well. Now tell me what you can hear.”

Part of you wanted to roll your eyes. It felt like the kind of lesson you might have as a child learning about their senses for the first time, but you began to list off things nevertheless. The sound of water rushing past (and, if you listened closer, you could hear a fish leap and land in the water again), the sound of birds fluttering through the trees. Joshua’s breathing. The wind as it rustled leaves. Your own quiet breathing, too. Part of you wondered if you could hear the others, had you been close enough to home: the sound of Jun’s loud laughter, or Seungkwan ranting at something Soonyoung joked about...

And when he prompted you next, you continued on: you could smell the flowers, light and sweet on the breeze. Feel the way that the grass was poking into your skin, the feeling of the flower, weightless, behind your ear. The warm breeze as it kissed your skin. The warm feeling of his hand brushing against yours.

“That’s it,” he said in a low voice. “The art of living a day at a time.” He was smiling again, eyes twinkling. “Living in the present moment and accepting it as that. The book Wonwoo brought back called it mindfulness, but I prefer my name for it.”

You couldn’t help but smile back at him. Even if it was a mouthful... You thought you preferred his name for it, too.

The next day, you and Joshua were tasked with cooking dinner. Conversation always came easy with Joshua: even if you had moments of being unsure what to say, he could easily fill the air and keep things flowing as the two of you worked. He always seemed to use chores as a way of checking in with you, too, just to make sure you were adjusting well. He noticed how close you’d become with Seungkwan, Hansol, and Chan--although he’d noticed that a few others had a soft spot for you (namely Mingyu... and Seungcheol, but for the sake of his friendship, he’d leave his name out of it for now).

“Joshua?” You looked up from the veggies you’d been chopping for him, and he merely hummed in acknowledgement. “So... What started this whole ‘art of living one day at a time’ thing?”

He hummed to himself for a moment, mulling over the exact moment that led to it. He’d come up with the silly little name for it after he started practicing mindfulness, sure, but... “Sometimes,” he started, “I’ll get stuck in my own thoughts. It was maybe a few weeks before Jun showed up, but Cheol and Jeonghan took me out for a picnic. And--I dunno. We just sat together, just kinda observing how peaceful everything is.”

“So you had a picnic with your friends, and you started to appreciate... everything?” 

Joshua nodded, not looking up from his work. “Yep. It helped.”

“Would you do that with me?”

He paused, turning to see that you’d grown more flustered at asking your question aloud. Before you could apologize and try to backtrack, he merely nodded, “Sure. I’d gladly steal you away for a picnic if you don’t mention it to anyone else.” He went back to stirring the pot, the scent of spices heavy in the air. “I like having alone time with you.”

His heart stirred at his own words, aware of what he meant: I like being the object of your attention.

Right as he went to apologize for being so forward, you spoke up, “Then you can’t tell anyone, either.“

Joshua’s eyes were shimmering as he turned to you again, sharing a smile between the two of you as he realized that maybe things weren’t so one-sided for him. “Then... We can call it a date. If you want.”

“And if I do?”

Oh. Oh. This felt... fast. “Then you can pick our spot.”

Two days later, Joshua let you take the lead, a basket and blanket in his hands as you lead the way outside. The two of you had agreed to a little picnic lunch together, to reduce any risk of someone trying to tag along with you. Everyone would be scattered now, doing their own things as Joshua let you take the lead. He could hear the sound of Seungkwan and Chan bickering in the attic as he climbed up and into the church, and the tell-tale sound of Hansol’s warm laugh at an argument that was anything but serious. The two of you had passed Mingyu and Wonwoo on your way out, and he’d seen Seokmin go searching for Jihoon with Minghao tailing alongside him. Some of the others must still be out, finishing up their chores for the day. Joshua saw Jun on the way out, making his way back inside with an empty basket from doing laundry in his arms, and merely gave him a small wave.

You guided him out and to the same shady spot he sat with you on your second day. Together, you spread the blanket out before sitting together, chatting idly for a while..

“Joshua?” You suddenly said. “Tell me what you can see.”

His eyes crinkled a little with delight. Oh, how cute of you. He began to list things in a calm, even tone: the trees that grow thicker down the path to the lake, the river that ran near the two of you (and the shimmering of scales that are easier to see now, with the sunlight hitting them), the pebbles that were pressed into the dirt. He could hear the sound of your breathing, leaves rustling, the babbling brook... And he could feel the plush fabric underneath the two of you, the warm breeze as it kissed his skin in a way he wished would be replaced by something (someone, his mind corrected) else...

And even though the two of you had moved on from that sense, he smiled as he looked at you: “And I see you.”

Over two weeks of you being there, and Joshua felt as though he’d fallen for you too quickly. Too easily. Maybe in another life, this would have taken far longer. He would have courted you the right way, with dinner dates and long walks where he had to build up the courage to ask if he could hold your hand (out of respect for you rather than insecurity for himself: not all people enjoyed the kind of casual skinship that Joshua often saw Seungkwan partake in with...well... everyone). Maybe he should have asked you on the walk back how you felt, exactly...Yet his confidence had dwindled slightly. He felt something for you, yes, but how was he to be sure that it was love?

So he’d give himself a little longer instead. Enough time to know for sure that the enamored feelings he was almost certain of were what he thought they were. Every time a new person came, there was always this honeymoon period of adoration for them. For Joshua, it was the warmth of a need to welcome and care for a new person, and he knew himself well: it’d only last a week or two, three at the most, before it became something comfortable in his chest rather than an ever present flutter that punctuated his every action. Even if his gaze would drift down to your lips (a sign, in his eyes, that this was not the normal love he felt for new people)... He needed time to be sure.

Barely into your third week of living with them, Joshua woke up to the sound of you panicking.

He was far from the first person awake, though. You had curled up across the room, happy to be in Seokmin’s warm embrace since he was feeling particularly cuddly tonight, and you’d startled several of the others closer to you. He jerked up, running a hand through his hair to comb it back to his face as he watched you panic. The others had already taken to comforting you to no success. Seokmin kept an arm around you, trying to calm you down while your words were slammed together in this endless dribble, like water from a faucet coming out all in one heavy blast. Chan had reached out, trying to take your hand and wipe your tears as you kept trying to talk about the dream you’d had. Seungkwan spoke over you plenty, alongside Minghao, as they all tried to get you to slow down and breathe. You could talk afterward, yet you didn’t seem to listen. All Joshua could tell was that you had fought with Minghao in this dream, and then you ran away and ended up hurt, terrified no one was coming for you.

He kicked off the blanket, pulling himself free from the space between Seungcheol and Jeonghan with ease. Several others had woken up at this point, too, and he could hear Seungcheol mumbling something to Jeonghan as he was roused, too. Joshua, on the other hand, was more focused on getting over to you, falling to his knees in front of you.

“Hey,” he said softly, “it’s okay. It’s okay,” he reached for your hands, and, through your tear-filled gaze, your eyes met his own. “I’m here--”

All within seconds, you’d begun to move in for comfort, and he easily pulled you into his chest. Soon enough, he had sunk down to where he was sitting, letting you sob into his shirt as he stroked your back. His head leaned against your own, eyes fluttering shut as he focused on comforting you.

“It’s okay,” he said again in that low, soothing voice, “I’m right here. Just breathe for me, darling, okay?”

As if the words finally broke through to you, this time carrying some meaning to them, you gave him a shaky nod before squeezing your eyes shut tight. Your breathing staggered, and Joshua began to take in slow, deep breaths with you. Just to make sure you didn’t feel like you were alone now. He raised his head as you kept breathing, and he looked around at the sea of concerned faces that surrounded him now. Some of them were still half asleep (Mingyu and Hansol, Joshua noticed, and maybe Soonyoung, too), but they’d gathered around. They were a community, after all. This was far from the first time someone had a bad enough dream to evoke such a strong reaction (Joshua remembered plenty of incidents right offhand), and it created this understood feeling between them all: we check on each other, and we go from there. If you didn’t want to talk, they wouldn’t force you to.

You had realized that you disturbed everyone soon enough, and already began to apologize over and over, trying to make up a good enough reason to justify getting so upset over a bad dream. Joshua gently shushed you instead.

“It’s okay,” he repeated again. “You just had a bad dream. It happens to all of us.”

Which was enough to prompt Chan into bringing up how he woke up with a scream his first week there. He couldn’t remember what the dream was anymore, but it was bad enough that the others had to calm him down, too. He thought it was something to do with his life before, but Joshua remembered what it was. Chan had dreamed that he’d been kicked out of the group because he failed them in some way. Seokmin reached over, taking your hand in his, gently running his thumb across your knuckles as he shared his own story: he fought with Mingyu early into the latter’s first days with the group, and had a bad dream a while after of the fight getting worse.

They shared their pain with you without reluctance. They were human, too, after all: they had bad dreams and bad mornings, and sometimes they’d wake up crying like this too. Joshua just cradled you to his chest the entire time, though, tracing slow circles onto your back as you listened. Despite the stories being shared, you didn’t share your own now that you were calm enough that you could get it across better. No one pushed you to, though, past Wonwoo’s gentle question of whether you wanted to talk about it more. You had shook your head, curling up closer to Joshua before saying that you felt better now, thanks to all of them. They’d all started to go back to bed, Seungkwan telling you to wake him up if you needed to talk; he would happily listen if you needed him (or the two of you could go on a walk, too, if that’d help).

Joshua gently nudged you to get your attention. “What do you want now?” He asked softly. “You wanna go back to bed? I can get you some water if you want.”

You shook your head. “Can... Can I sleep with you, actually? You holding me helps...”

The surprise of your request made him grow a little flustered. He’d always be open to cuddling with you, but for you to say something like that...

He nodded, though, and brought you back over to where he’d been sleeping. Seungcheol wordlessly shifted over to make room for you, already grabbing extra pillows and blankets to help make you as comfortable as possible. Soon enough, you were curled up in Joshua’s arms again.

Over your head, Joshua had met Jeonghan’s gaze. His eyes flickered down to you for just a moment, and Joshua...

Well. He knew what Jeonghan was trying to ask. He merely nodded, and he watched as his friend nodded in return, understanding. A moment later, he’d seen the way you shivered slightly, and Jeonghan slid a little closer to ensure that you would be warm between the two of them.

Joshua loved you. Plain and simple. And now he was sure that both Jeonghan and Seungcheol knew (as well as every other person in that room). Everyone but you, hopefully. If he was going to tell you soon (and he would, he knew he would if he thought he had a chance), he wanted to do it right. But only when you were ready for that kind of relationship with him.

(And maybe he should call it overconfidence, but... Joshua had a pretty strong feeling that you loved him back.)

As much as Joshua didn’t want to leave you the next morning, it was Mingyu who gently nudged him awake, asking in a low voice if he’d come help with breakfast. He agreed, watching you sleep for a moment longer after Mingyu left him, and he slowly untangled himself from him. When you began to stir away, he gently shushed you, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he told you to go back to sleep for a little longer. You’d ended up turning over, reaching over for Seungcheol, who barely roused before he cuddled a little closer to give you further comfort. Joshua pulled himself from his blankets, watching the wordless way that Jeonghan filled the space he was leaving, eyes meeting his for a second in a silent go on, I’ve got them.

Mingyu was already working on breakfast when Joshua came in, his conversation with Seokmin coming to a halt. The two greeted him casually enough, and Joshua was put to work soon enough.

“Josh?” Seokmin said after a few minutes, earning a glance from him. “You and Mouse...”

Joshua said nothing at first, working on. Oh. It must be obvious now, then. Is this something he’ll have to address with everyone? “We’re only friends.”

“We know,” Mingyu said. “That’s not what we’re asking.”

You don’t need me to say it out loud, Joshua wanted to say. Because they knew: everyone had to, right? Last night was just... proof that the initial affection he held for you within your first days never went away. That it merely blossomed into something stronger. Barely a few weeks into you living with them, and you’d somehow captured his heart so easily. He didn’t want to call it all-out love, because love took longer to sow. Infatuation fit better. He, for the lack of a better word between “infatuation” and “love,” liked you.. a lot.

He waited until everyone, save for you, had filed in for breakfast. They were quiet, a few whispers about you flying around the table, and Joshua... Well. Joshua wasn’t an idiot: he saw the concerned glances people kept sending him. The way no one addressed him, but kept clearly talking about him.

And then he finally spoke up, “Don’t tell them.”

No one spoke. They merely exchanged looks, all knowing at this point.

“Not now,” Joshua said. “I’ll tell them when they’re ready.  I’m not putting that burden on them this soon.”

It was still tense, but Seungkwan was the one who finally looked up from his breakfast. “Joshua... I think they like you, too.”

He wanted to say something. Anything. His face grew warmer at someone actually speaking the thought aloud. He thought you did, too: but he didn’t want to define your feelings in his mind. It would set expectations on you that he wasn’t comfortable setting: if you liked him back, then he’d want to hear you say it out loud. Not now, of course, but when you were feeling better. He knew the effects of a shitty dream all too well.

Chan barely touched his food before he excused himself, saying something about taking a walk before he’d start on his share of the chores. Joshua saw the concerned look Hansol and Seungkwan shared, and the gentle nod toward where Chan had left that Seungcheol gave them: go on. The two excused themselves as well, getting up and following after him quickly.

Joshua wasn’t an idiot. He knew he wasn’t the only person who felt more for you. He knew Chan did. He thought Cheol did, too, but Joshua knew that neither would stand in your way of pursuing who you loved. Whether it be them or someone else, they would accept it and learn how to move past their feelings. Joshua would do the same, after all. He loved you and your happiness. And if you would be happier with someone else.. Then Joshua would support you wholeheartedly while he took the time to heal.

That’s what love was supposed to be, wasn’t it?

Something weighed in the pit of your stomach for most of that day. Everyone had been concerned at breakfast that morning (which, to be fair, hadn’t surprised you in the slightest), and you had waved them off. You weren’t ready to talk about your dream quite yet, not until you tried to focus on the center of it all. By some stroke of luck, you’d found Minghao painting by himself--sitting at a bare space of wall that’d only been painted green in preparation. He’d been painting a circle of blue, merely glancing up as you came closer before greeting you casually enough.

You slowly sank down next to him when he invited you to. “Um... Minghao?”

He heard the caution in your voice, and it made him lower his brush, turning to you. “Is something wrong?”

“Did... Did I do something?” You said slowly. “I mean. I don’t think I did, but--I had a dream that you were mad at me, and--and I just started overthinking and--”

“I’m not mad at you,” he said, plain and simple. For a moment, his gaze flickered past you, but before you could turn to see what he was looking at, he spoke up again. “If I was, you’d know. We’d talk about it eventually.”

Relief hit you all at once, and you let out a sigh. “Good...” You’d toyed with your sleeve, still feeling a slight nervous edge as you sat there with him. “I just... I had this dream where everyone seemed upset. But you--”

His gaze flickered up again, and then back to your face before he finally looked past you one final time. “Stop standing around and either sit with us or go.”

You turned, and Joshua had been lingering nearby. “Oh. Shua...”

“I can go--”

“No,” you said, “it’s okay. You can stay if you want. I don’t mind talking about it now.”

Joshua slowly nodded, making his way over before he sank down next to the two of you. He watched you for a moment, waiting to see if you would continue.

And soon enough, you did. “Anyway... I don’t know why everyone was upset, but you were the only one who spoke up and said whatever happened was my fault.”

Minghao furrowed his brow, looking up. “But you don’t know what happened?” When you shook your head, he continued. “I can’t say I wouldn’t be mad if something bad happened--”

“I ran away,” you said. “I don’t know why, but I just decided I’d leave for good since you all were better off before I came here.”

Joshua wasn’t sure what to say. He merely shared a concerned glance with Minghao, who, too, seemed to be at a loss for words.

“We love you,” was what Minghao said a second later, voice softer than before. “If something bad happened, we wouldn’t kick you out.”

“He’s right,” Joshua said. “We wouldn’t--”

“You didn’t,” you said. “I decided to just... Remove myself from the equation.”

That... was different, to be fair. But what could cause them all to be so upset that you felt that was the only option? To run away and live on your own instead? They were a community: no one should have to live a life of complete isolation. Seungcheol was always adamant about that after his own time alone.

“I know I wasn’t warm to you when you first came here,” Minghao said after a moment, “but I don’t want you to leave. You’re one of us now.”

With a slow nod, you let his words sink in. Us. Although you knew they’d all embraced you with open arms, letting you into this community, this family they had so lovingly come together to form... It still meant a lot to hear that you were a part of it. That they loved you.

Minghao looked back at the scene he’d been working on, pressing his lips together for a moment. “Do you have any ideas on what I should paint? I wanted to paint a pond, but...”

Joshua looked to you. “Mouse?”

“How about... ducks?” You suggested casually enough. “A little family of ducks.”

Minghao nodded after a moment, taking your suggestion into account before he began to wash his brush. “A family of ducks it is, then.”

You stood up, thanking Minghao for the talk as you went to leave him and Joshua behind. Yet Joshua rose quickly, following after you and stopping you once you were far enough to not be overheard by Minghao.

“Did you have any more bad dreams?”

You shook your head. “I didn’t. Thank you for being there, though. It felt like cuddling with you was all I needed.”

He chuckled. “Well,” he said, “all you have to do is wake me up and I’ll be there from now.“ He took your hands in his, swinging them slightly. “I always have room for you, alright?”

Your nose had crinkled when you smiled, giggling. “I’ll keep that in mind.” You slowly let go, taking a drifting step back. “Thank you, Joshua. I’ll keep it in mind.”

It was strange. Sure enough, you woke up that next night, sobbing again. It wasn’t as bad as the first time, but Chan had woken up Joshua for you when you asked him to. Instead of merely trying to soothe you back to sleep then and there, he glanced around before he gently pulled you to your feet, guiding you out of the room to make both of you a warm cup of tea. He sat next to you, watching the slow sips you’d take, cheeks still wet with tears. Despite the urge to go ahead and ask, to figure out what upset you this time, he let you have your space. The tea seemed to calm your nerves, and he merely waited for you to make the next move: if you wanted to go back to bed, he’d offer the spot next to you again. Or you could go back to Chan, who Joshua was sure was still lying awake, waiting to know if you were fine. When you finally lifted your head, meeting his gaze, you asked to talk about it.

This time, your nightmare was about Wonwoo. He’d fallen sick--really, really sick--in your nightmare. You swore you could still feel his feverish skin from when you were checking his temperature. It was almost as if he was going to die, and the thought of that had been enough to throw you out of your dreams and back into the reality you were living in. Wonwoo was okay: that was something you could see when you first woke up. Chan had stirred, asking what was wrong, and you merely asked him to get Joshua.

“If it helps... No one’s ever been that sick before,” Joshua said, his hand on top of yours. His thumb grazed the back of your hand. “And we know how to take care of each other. I’m sure Wonwoo would have been okay.”

Something about his presence seemed to calm you easier than the others did. He sat with you a little longer until your cups of tea were empty, and soon enough he’d made a space for you once more, letting you curl up in his arms again.

The same happened the next night: Mingyu had burned his hand in that dream. The next, you were lost in the forest with an injured ankle and you were scared no one would come for you. In another, your shoulder had been injured horribly... And all Joshua could do was be there for you each night. Sometimes he’d make you tea, or the two of you would go on a short walk to clear your head, but it always ended up the same: with you in Joshua’s arms, feeling safer than you had been before. He would wake up the next morning, feeling the weight of your body against his, sleeping peacefully.

(You finally gave up after that night and started sleeping next to him permanently until you worked out whatever was causing these nightmares. Not that he was complaining: he liked having you close to him.)

Seungcheol had been watching you one night after dinner, while the group was all still together, biting his bottom lip. Joshua wondered if he thought he could figure you out had he stared intensely enough, studying your entirety as much as he could from his place across the room. Yet his calling of “Mouse,” had been enough to catch your attention, followed by, “are your dreams still bothering you?”

You looked up from the puzzle you were working on with Minghao and Seokmin, a little more flustered at the outright question. “Not really...”

“Aren’t dreams a subconscious thing?” Hansol said from his spot on the couch, curled up with Jihoon next to him. “Maybe you’re just worried about something.”

“I’m not,” you said, a little too quickly in Joshua’s opinion. “I just had a string of bad dreams. It’s nothing serious.”

“Are you sure?” Seokmin frowned. “You can talk to us--”

“I’m fine,” you said, standing up. “I’m gonna go wash up for bed.”

They let you go without a fight. No need to push you now when you were already starting to get upset. Joshua merely said he’d go try to talk to you, just to make sure you were fine--even if you weren’t ready to talk. He’d found you brushing your teeth, and you’d pouted a little at the sight of him in the entryway.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you said after spitting into the sink. “Maybe tomorrow, Shua.”

He slowly drifted closer to you. “That’s okay,” he said, slowly stopping next to you. “Do you know what’s bothering you, though?”

Reluctantly, you nodded after a moment. “I think I do. But... I don’t wanna think deeply about it before bed.”

He could understand that. “As long as you aren’t bottling it up,” he said. “We love you a lot.” He reached out to brush a stray hair back into place, and his fingers lingered at your temple for a moment before he drew his hand back. “I just want you to know that.”

“I love you guys, too,” you met his gaze. “Really, Joshua. I’m okay for tonight.” You leaned in, pressing a tiny kiss against his cheek. “Just tired from doing laundry with Soonyoung and Seungkwan earlier.”

He chuckled airily, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I understand. Just don’t be afraid to tell us things, alright?”

“I won’t.” You promised. “Goodnight, Joshua.”

With you heading to bed early, Joshua... knew what he needed to do. The group was starting to disperse when he returned, and he went ahead to stop Chan before he could go with the others.

“I was thinking about going for a walk,” he said. “Do you want to join  me?”

Chan shook his head. “I’m good, Shua. Thank you--”

“Chan,” he said, a little more serious this time. “I think you should.”

Chan looked toward the others, and let out a sigh, before nodding. He understood what this was, and the two of them grabbed their shoes and began to make their way outside. Once the church doors were securely closed behind them, Joshua let out a sigh and looked up to the stars overheard, twinkling in the clear, dark sky... and then he nodded out toward the river. He and Chan walked in silence at first, making their way down the hill with slow, heavy steps, neither sure how to begin this conversation.

“I really like them,” Joshua said outright. “And I know other people do, too. In the same way, I mean.”

Chan didn’t look at him at first. “I know. I was there when you asked us not to tell them how you feel.”

“I just want to clear the air,” Joshua said, “because I know you love them, too.”

Chan met his gaze, and Joshua could see something (confidence, perhaps) waver in his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, only to close it, looking away. “We’re all adults here,” he said. “I’m not going to treat either of you differently.”

“I know that,” Joshua said. “I trust you. But I don’t want any bad blood between us... and I don’t want to hurt your friendship with Mouse, either.”

With a heavy sigh, Chan shut his eyes for a moment, slowing to a stop. “As long as they’re happy, then I’m happy. I love them, Joshua, and I want them to be happy.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, turning away again to kick at a pebble along the riverside. “I’d be happy no matter who they love. It’s not like they can date all of us.”

“Can’t they?” Joshua said, only slightly teasing. “You know how we are with each other. I think if we all wanted that, we’d work it out.”

Chan’s face grew bright red, even in the low light. “Don’t say things like that!” He said, pouting, “I--I don’t want to think about it when they only like you.”

“Sorry,” he chuckled. “I mean it, though. We’re all more than just a group of people living together, though. Who knows,” he shrugged, “maybe in another life, we’d all be something together.”

“Maybe.” Chan sounded wistful as he stared off into the distance. “But they love you.”

But they love me, Joshua repeated mentally, turning the phrase over in his mind over and over. You loved him... “I think they do--”

“I know they do.” Chan said. “It’s kind of obvious now.” He pulled his hands from his pockets, looking back to the church. The two began their return up the hill, faster this time to get back inside now that they’ve cleared the air. “Are you going to talk to Cheol, too?” He paused, “I mean... It’s obvious. Isn’t it?”

Joshua let out a warm chuckle as he pulled open the doors. It was a bit obvious that Seungcheol felt... a lot for you. “It is. I’m not sure I’ll talk to him, though.”

“Why?”

“You admitted to your feelings,” Joshua said, following Chan inside as he turned to secure the door. “Cheol is the kind of person who’d rather deny them either until his feelings are gone or until the world ends if it meant they’d be happy. He’s just going to give them up--”

“And I will.” Seungcheol stood up from his chair, making his way over. “Are you two really talking about me?” He chuckled a little at the startled expression on Chan’s face. “It’s fine, Chan. Hansol mentioned the two of you left, and I had an idea why.”

“So you decided to just wait in the dark to scare us?”

Seungcheol shrugged. “I thought it’d be funny. And it was,” he nodded toward Chan, “very funny to see his face--”

“But that’s not fair!” Chan suddenly cut in. “Cheol... It’s not fair that you have to give up your feelings.”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing?”

Chan stammered for a moment, “I--But--It’s not--” And then stopped, collecting himself. “It is, but... You give up a lot for us already.”

“They don’t love me,” Seungcheol said, plain and simple. A fact that he had long since accepted. “They love Joshua. We’re both giving up our feelings because we care about them and want to see them happy.”

Joshua felt his heart sink a little. While Joshua would have done the same for you... It felt awful to hear it said aloud, especially from someone who felt so much for you. “Cheol--”

“It’s silly,” he said. “How hard I fell and how fast it happened... But they love you, Joshua. And I know you love them, too.”

Joshua wasn’t sure what to say. “Cheol, I’m--”

“Take care of them.” Seungcheol tucked his hands into his pockets. “I know they’ll do the same.” He turned, musing aloud, “You know who to see about signing up to perform on their day...”

So Joshua nodded, already knowing what he needed to do. Chan walked ahead, following after Seungcheol. He needed to tell you soon, but... Surely, you could wait a little longer, couldn’t you? Just long enough for him to say it the way he felt he needed to. He made his way down, through the long passage until he came into the main room... Where Jihoon had been curled up, reading a book on the couch, humming to himself as he drummed his fingers against the edge. He wasn’t tired yet, but Joshua knew he wouldn’t go to his guitar until he couldn’t hold back anymore. He called out to Jihoon, already bringing up the song they’d been working on with Jeonghan and how he was going to try and finish it. He’d need help with getting it right, but...

Joshua knew how to make his feelings for you clear. Even if you couldn’t answer him in the moment, he’d sing it proudly, just so you knew where his heart fell.

Sometimes, all you had to do to find Joshua was follow the sound of a guitar being played. It always would lead you either to him or to Jihoon (or, rarely, Hansol), and once you came close enough, you’d be able to hear the soft way he mumbled his way through lyrics as he tried to figure them out. You peered around the entryway to the room he was in, watching the way he quietly worked on. He’d yet to notice you, and you watched the way his fingers moved to make each chord. Something about the way the sunlight flooded into the room and illuminated him made it feel as though you were looking in on a masterpiece. If only you could paint it--committing it to memory didn’t feel like it was enough to capture his beauty. Those soft brown locks fell into his face, eyes half-lidded as the lyrics he were working through (Should I talk to you or not? / I thought for a while...) barely audible. Was this, you wondered, what Eurydice felt when she looked upon Orpheus? Or how the stones felt when he traveled to bring her back, parting the way with ease, so moved by his song? Even if you couldn’t hear every word he sang, there was something so genuinely beautiful about how he seemed to lose himself in his music. It was similar to the way Jihoon did, too, as well as Hansol: they loved it so deeply, it was as though they were meant to sing in some way. Like music was one of their greatest loves, and it’d be cruel to abandon it completely.

Joshua looked up soon enough, though, and the music stopped as those pretty eyes softened when they saw you. “Hello, darling,” he called out, thoroughly amused that he had caught you observing him. It was just as love-filled as when he called you that during your second day there, too. “You can come in, if you want.”

As if bewitched to move from your place, you drifted across the room toward him, heart guiding you more than anything. Joshua always seemed to have room for you, no matter where he was: there was space by his side at dinner, at bedtime, or in conversations... and even now, when it was the two of you alone, he was happy to bring you in.

“Do you know how to play?” He asked, turning his attention to tuning his guitar--one of the chords must have been slightly off, since he’d kept trying to tune and retune it as he worked.

You shake your head. “Hansol offered to teach me once, actually,” you watched as he worked on, humming in acknowledgement.

“And?”

“I turned him down.”

Joshua lifted his head, this pretty, amused glimmer in his eyes. “You don’t want to spend time with Hansol?”

With a giggle, you gently bumped your shoulder into his. “Of course I do. I’d just... rather learn from someone else.”

He merely chuckled. “I see.”

Wordlessly, as he finally finished tuning the guitar, Joshua moved in closer to you so that he could reach around you. He brought in your hand to lay on the strings, the weight of it mostly on him still. His fingers are rough as they guide yours into place, and it made you wonder how long he’d been playing guitar.

“This is how you do Em...” His breath hit the back of your ear, and he paused to make sure you were pressing down the strings firmly enough. Then he strummed, and you could feel the vibrations through those strings. “Hear that?” He said, and when you looked at his face again, you could see this proud glimmer in his eyes. “And if you move your fingers to these chords,” he was already moving on, “you can get C...”

Joshua gently instructed you as he could. Em to C to G to D, always guiding your fingers and helping you keep them in place, and punctuating each with a strum to let you hear the difference.

“You’ll get better with time,” he said, “we’ll work on it.”

“So that means there’s a next time?”

He shifted away from you, returning to the position he’d been sitting in before you came. “If you want there to be one. I like spending time with you, you know.”

“Good.” You rested against his side. “I like spending time with you, too.”

He chuckled warmly. “I won’t tell Hansol you said that--”

When you whined his name, he merely laughed a little more, head tilting back as his eyes scrunched up with joy. Yet soon enough, he went back to what he was working on, no longer softly singing lyrics under his breath. He merely hummed along, trying to figure out the part he was working on.

“Y’know...” You began to toy with a stray strand of thread on your sleeve. “I talked to Cheol yesterday.”

“Mhm?”

For a moment, you weren’t sure how to bring it up. So you sucked in a quiet breath, before finally looking up to watch his face and try to gauge his reaction. “Joshua. What do you think love is like?”

He didn’t seem to hesitate. “I think it’s putting someone else’s needs before your own. Wanting to be close to them, too. Caring for them in a way that’s different than caring for other people.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but he continued to speak:

“It’s the way you make me feel,” he said outright, voice softer this time, as if someone would overhear if he said it any louder. He watched the way you went wide-eyed in response, clearly not expecting him to be so forward. “I was going to tell you differently. I mean, I still will, but--”

“You love me?”

He grew surprisingly sheepish, averting his gaze before giving you the tiniest nod. Strong, warm, outgoing Joshua had been reduced to a shy schoolboy because of one little question from you. “I think I do.”

His heart hammered in his chest, and he felt as though you could hear it from how silent the room had become.

“Oh.” It wasn’t flat. Or disappointed. It was warm, and a little confused, but he could hear the tiniest thread of joy laced into it. You gently bumped against his shoulder again. “Do you want to know how I feel?”

“I do,” he said, “but...” He met your eyes again. “Will you wait?”

... Wait? You’d thought that waiting was a little pointless when the fourteen of you were living this life together. What if things were over tomorrow? Why wait forever? Wasn’t that what Seungcheol told you, too? That you shouldn’t wait to confess to him? “Why?”

“I want to say it right,” he reached out, setting his hand over yours. “Okay? Let me sweep you off your feet.”

He didn’t expect you to laugh so warmly, so full of love at how cute he truly could be. “Okay,” you said, this teasing lift to your voice something he thought you’d gotten from hanging around him so much. “Then do it.”

Joshua set aside the guitar. He stood up, turning to you and offering his hand, and he nearly chuckled at your startled reaction.

“Wait, now?!”

“Nope,” he smiled. “You’ll just have to wait for what I have planned.” He nodded his head toward the doorway, “But I don’t want to give up alone time with you yet. Do you?”

You didn’t, either. With a smile, you accepted his hand, and happily let him lead the way. Although a few others had greeted the two of you, inviting you into a game, Joshua merely told them that the two of you had already decided to go for a walk together. Before someone could try to tag along, he’d already swept you away, happy to steal you all for himself for a bit. Not that he was the only one being greedy: you liked having Joshua all to yourself, too. The way he loosely intertwined his fingers with your own, just enough to keep your hands together but not enough to trap you with him, was sweet. Although when you tightened your grip a little, just to squeeze his hand, he wordlessly squeezed back.

And if he let go of you, just to sit in a shady spot under a tree, who were you to say no when he happily offered the empty space next to him to you?

(Even if it would later net the two of you teasing from Jeonghan when he eventually found you together, hours before dinner rolled around, comfortably sleeping hand in hand.)

Celebrations were always a highlight of having this group. Yes, there was plenty of manual labor that came first... But it would always be worth it to see someone light up, getting attention dedicated to them for a night. If he could see the way you smiled every night for the rest of his life, he’d be happy with that alone. Chan had held your hand as he brought you in, bright petals filling the air as they welcomed you into the group officially. Seungkwan had placed the flower crown upon your head, lips grazing your cheek for just a second--just as everyone else did. Joshua let his lips linger against your skin for an extra second, and found himself feeling a little greedy for doing so... and for wishing that he could steal you away again. He nodded along as Seungcheol eventually did his usual toast, and smiled at the sight of Chan with his arm around your shoulder, ever the dutiful best friend to you. It was clear that everyone there loved you. If nothing else, Joshua knew that you would be loved no matter what. And if his love for you faded into something akin to friendship, it’d still be love nonetheless.

Soonyoung, Seokmin, and Seungkwan had performed their little song and dance routine--and Joshua had beamed the entire time. Maybe it was because you eventually settled into the seat next to him, letting him drape an arm around the back of your chair and press his side against yours. He loved the sound of your laugh, so full of genuine love for the three as they performed. Jihoon performed a medley of his songs--some new, some old, but these medleys were normal for him. Even with broken leftovers of songs he could never find it in him to complete, Jihoon made a complete experience for everyone to enjoy. Even Hansol had a song to perform, incomplete yet so uniquely him. Jun’s monologue had been written by him, Minghao’s art piece unveiled in the same dramatic flair that he always did...

Joshua pressed a kiss right in front of your ear. “Wait for me,” he said, getting up, “This is for you.”

He watched the realization cross your face as he drifted away, getting a guitar as Jeonghan came to join him. He let Jeonghan introduce the song as he prepped the stage: it was something the two of them had worked on with Jihoon, yet only recently finished together. Soon, he was sitting on one stool with Jeonghan on the other, already playing. You recognized the song soon: it’d been the one he had practiced when he told you that he thought he loved you.

I’m falling for you / falling for you... / it’s too late to escape

(And Joshua, in that moment, was certain he never wanted to. Especially when he fell asleep next to you, smiling at your sleeping face and caressing the white rose that Jeonghan had painted onto your skin.)

The song had been part one. Part two began the next day, before most of the others were asleep. He’d departed from your side early--not early enough to beat the others, but early enough that you were still comfortable in your bed. He pressed a kiss to your forehead, already moving to make his plans. He’d be making dinner with Seokmin and Mingyu tonight, and that meant he could get everything ready without looking too obvious.

It would be hard to avoid you for most of the day, but the others were a welcome help. Jeonghan would point you to him when the time came, but Seungkwan, Hansol, and Chan had been tasked with distracting you for the rest of the day. That meant staying away from the garden once chores were over, and letting him take the time to make everything perfect. From the string lights that Seungkwan had found for him to the plush blanket he spread out onto the ground... He had to make this perfect.

Seungcheol had found him while he was working. “You’re telling them, right?”

He smiled. “Is it so wrong to make it romantic?”

“No,” he said, leaning against a tree. “Like I told you... Take care of them.”

“I will--”

Yet he had let out a loud, long sigh. “Seriously... They’ve been staring at you for the past few days. How can you not say something sooner? I think I’d break if they looked at me like that.”

Joshua felt the opposite, actually: Seungcheol was in love with the group. It’d take a miracle for him to tell you how he felt, and even then... He’d probably take a thousand years to do it, too. Not when it made him look as though he was playing favorites. Joshua wondered, for a moment, if that was why Seungcheol seemed so okay to give up his love for you. To let you be happy with someone else. He pushed the thought away: maybe, in another world, Seungcheol wouldn’t have to struggle with his feelings... It made Joshua feel guilty, for a moment. But he reminded himself what they both knew: you loved Joshua.

(In another world, if you loved everyone alongside him... Joshua thought he could live with that. He loved everyone else, too, after all.)

He returned inside to bring out the picnic dinner, dessert packed as well in the form of sliced fruit. Especially strawberries, which he had carefully cut the tops off of and sliced in half. It was a simple enough gesture, but one he hoped you would love.

And when you finally came to him, you laughed. “Seungkwan refused to let me leave him until Chan finally told me what was going on.”

Joshua had been sitting on the blanket, but he rose to his feet, hands outstretched for you. “Does that mean you wanted to see me?”

“Silly...” You placed your hands in his. “I’ve been dying to talk to you all day.” With ease, you slipped your fingers in-between his. “About the two of us.”

“Does that mean there is a ‘two of us?’”

He could see you grow flustered, averting your gaze for a moment as you pressed your lip together. “What do you want?”

Joshua began to lower himself down, bringing you with him to sit together. He let go just long enough to push things aside, scooting forward so that he could be closer to you. He gently took your hands in his again, squeezing them as he gathered his courage to say what he needed to say. He knew he felt something for you, that you felt something for him, and yet saying it out loud was scarier. It made it more real.

“I want us.” He ran his thumbs over your knuckles. “I want to love you while we have the chance. I’ve thought a lot about it, and... I don’t know what brought us here. I-I don’t know what brought you to me,” he squeezed your hands, “and I’m okay with whatever it is, no matter what it is. Because you’re here,” he reached forward, fingers curving around your cheek, “and I’m with you. And... And I think that’s where we’re supposed to be.”

“Joshua--”

“I love you.” His heart was racing as he said it. The words felt at home in his mouth. “And it’s okay if you can’t say it back. But... I think I’m yours if you want me to be--”

You’d lunged forward, kissing him hard and nearly sending him toppling back. His hands fly to steady you, and he shut his eyes as he kissed you back. You threaded a hand through his hair, the other cupping his cheek as you smiled into this kiss. Deep down, there was a tiny urge to just lean back. To let you take over and kiss him and... more, if you wanted it. He let his mind go blank for a moment, savoring how soft your lips felt against his own... And then he remembered.

“I,” he said as he gently pushed you back, smiling. His hair was a little messier now. “I made us dinner. And as much as I want to kiss you again...” He cupped your face, “I don’t want it going to waste.”

It earned a giggle from you, and you pecked him on the lips one quick, final time for now. “Right,” you said, leaning away. “We have time.”

That the two of you did. He’d already begun talking about how he’d been working on this earlier with the others, just to make something that would hopefully taste delicious. The others would be leaving you alone tonight, which was ideal. He wanted to be the sole object of your affections tonight and tomorrow and every day that came after, if you’d let him.

“Maybe that makes me selfish,” he said, drawing you in once more, “I can’t keep stealing you away forever, after all...”

Yet your lips slanted against his, and it made him feel free. Maybe he was never the one stealing you away. After all.. You’d stolen his heart within days of coming here. How could he steal you when he was always yours? He’d have to learn how to share you with the others again, the tiny need to keep you close to him building inside him. Just to link you to one another, like puzzle pieces that have fallen into place...

Truthfully, as long as you stood side by side with him in life... He would be happy no matter where you were. Alone or with the others, all he knew was that he wanted you with him until the end.

general taglist: @twancingyunhao​  @wonuziex​  @synthetickitsune​ @cinnamoroxie [unable to tag?] @cherryredcheol [unable to tag?] @gyulbabie​

under the sun taglist: @shiningstar-byulxx @twogyuu @strawberri-uyu @bbmyungho @thedeeppoet @heeseung-lover686  @jeonncafe  @bfwonu @fifty-shades-of-mischeif @blackwhiteandshadesofgradient @dreamhannies @yourfavoritefreakyhan  @amethyistheart @jeonnyread  @nap-of-a-starr @anidolecalledaoife [unable to tag?] @vernxnsfool

[b1mbodoll]

pairings: lee heeseung x f! reader

warnings: angst + hurt no comfort

💌: ok i never considered writing anything other than smut bc i dont think im suited for fluff/angst but im listening to miss taylor swift and champagne problems + right where you left me are so heartbreaking agh i love taylor she’s so good at telling stories thru songs ♡__♡ anyway here’s something based off them pls lmk if u like or not T_T ps i didnt know how to finish it so yeahhhh this is my frist time writing angst agh!!!!!!

your relationship with heeseung was perfect. too perfect, you think. it’s a miracle the two of you lasted as long as you did, but you loved him, and you’d do anything to keep him in your life until the love you shared ate away at your being, consuming you entirely before spitting you out, leaving behind a broken mess of the person you once were.

you realize it’s gone too far when he proposes. he’d planned a romantic candlelit dinner for two on your anniversary. you looked gorgeous, he thought, anxiety coursing through his veins as he mentally prepared to ask for your hand in marriage.

heeseung waits until the two of you finish your meals before sliding out of the booth and getting on one knee, a black box in hand as his eyes well up with tears. “yn,” he starts, “i’ve loved you since the moment i met you. all i want in this life is you by my side, please just say yes.” his hands are shaking as he awaits your answer.

silence. your mouth opens and closes as you try to voice your thoughts but everything is too much, and you’re unable to give him the answer he wants. it tears your heart in two when he swallows thickly, unshed tears pooling in his lashline.

“oh.” he rises to his feet, nearly tripping as he clumsily reaches for his wallet, slapping a wad of cash on the table before making his way out of the restaurant.

you chase after him desperately, “heeseung, wait please. i’m sorry, i love you too, so much but- ”

he’s cornered and embarrassed and angry. “but what,” he sneers, sadness evident on his face despite the bite in his voice. but he’s not angry with you, he’s angry at himself because he was foolish enough to believe he was good enough for you.

again you’re hesitating to answer him, tears streaming down your cheeks as regret settles in your bones, and heeseung’s itching to comfort you, to press kisses along your face until you smile at him and all is forgotten but he can’t. not this time. “but i’m not good for you!” your voice cracks as you reveal your deepest fears to him. “you deserve so much better than me, it’s not fair to keep you to myself when i know i’ll never be enough.”

“you don’t get to decide that.” his tone is stern, “i do. i’m free to make my own choices and i choose you, so please,” he’s begging now, “just pick me.”

you clear your throat and wipe at your face, streaks of mascara staining your cheeks and undereyes.

“i can’t.”

this moment has replayed in your head every single day since your breakup and it feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest when every morning you’re forced to remember that heeseung is no longer in your life. forced to remember the anguish he so obviously felt and how you were the cause.

[arsenicflame]

silly Izzy situation: he gets a parrot.

HE GETS A PARROT OH THIS GAVE ME BRAIN WORMS

-Stede is the one to get him the parrot- something about how hes got the wooden leg he has to complete the look? honestly izzy wasnt listening, stede was using his excited voice and izzys learnt he can zone out a bit when he gets like that. there was a hat too but that went to someone else Real quick (the parrot was trying to eat it anyway)

-i know nothing about parrots but im gonna say stede gets him an African grey. it's the goth-est parrot and they're Friends Now, hes got to give a gift that fits in with izzys Look

-when stede gives it him he protests LOUDLY but when stede gets all sad and says he will return him izzy draws a knife. wtf you can't return my gift Stede

- the parrot learns to say fuck REAL quick

-izzy learns bird care from buttons, obviously- izzy is Rules autistic he needs to know How you look after his pet. he is super rigorous with following the rules and at least one crew member has faced a tirade for feeding him something bad

-the bird rides everywhere on his shoulder. frenchie makes him a little pad so his claws don't scratch izzys leathers and so he can grip better

-he starts stroking the bird as a comfort (in Correct places, thank u buttons) he doesn't notice hes doing it but everyone else does. lucius has a sketch

-you know how some pets are like? exactly like their owners? yeah. this is the grumpiest fucking parrot and they are perfect together. he only likes izzy. after a while he mimicks izzy yelling at the crew and nobody knows what to do they all just. stare. izzy laughs.

- the parrot spends a little too much time with the swede somehow (jackies? izzy & jackie friendship my beloved i will force you in anywhere) and picks up his singing. its. something. they end up using it on raids as part of a fuckery. two haunting tones to create a sense of unreality, of being surrounded.

-i didn't give the parrot a name here because i genuinely believe izzy wouldnt give it a name, hed just call it 'the parrot', occasionally 'my parrot' when drunk. the crew call it mini Izzy.

(buttons asked the parrot its name)

-someone once gave the parrot a knife because they thought itd be funny. we do not talk about the parrot knife incident.