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hwaslayer · 2 months

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flowers on the floor (kys) | part two. (final)

(part one)

—summary: when yeosang decided he was going to take a month-long vacation, he was mainly hoping to get away from his mundane routine and the stress of work. he certainly wasn’t expecting to meet you and build a connection unlike he’s ever known. when the end of his vacation nears, promises are made to keep the relationship alive, to keep it blossoming. but eventually, as the reality settles in and the distance continues to put a wedge into your relationship, you drop your end of the promise without any trace. despite the heartbreak, all yeosang can do is think about you— hoping the universe will lead you to each other again.

—pairing: kang yeosang x f!reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 25k | playlist

—content/warnings: cussing, mature language/sexually implied content, details about a toxic relationship (mentions of gaslighting, manipulation, infidelity), a lil more details about oc’s family dynamics, alcohol consumption and intoxication/yacking, party scenes, crying, lots of overthinking, insecurities, negative talk, lots of lil flashback scenes, unprotected sex, oral (f. receiving), making out, sprinkle of breast play, sorry if i missed anything - i tried to edit this quick af lol

—a/n: ty for waiting for me <33 see you soon for professor choi's debut 🤪

Yeosang can remember the last time he had a good night sleep, and it was when he was with you.

Now, he calls your dead number hoping you’ll miraculously pick up— just to be met by that automated message that reminds him that you really aren’t around and he has no idea where to find you.

It’s a shame he doesn’t even have your friends saved on his phone. He always relied on you, communicated through you. He could easily pull them up on Instagram, but he feels the need to just go to town in case you’re still hiding out in any of its corners, hiding out in its deepest crevices.

He doesn’t think he’ll find sleep any time soon, so he gets up and gets himself ready as it hits 6am. He takes a taxi down to the train station, making it just in time to catch the 6:45am train to town. He’s got a new podcast he listens to, one that he wishes he could share with you and tell you all the details about. He misses the nights when you’d share your true crime findings and he’d talk about his current podcast obsession for hours on end. He misses hearing your voice, misses hearing how enthusiastic you get. He misses when you used to call him babe or baby; whining over the phone for his attention.

He misses everything about you.

He’s not even sure why he’s impulsively heading to town, now that he really thinks about it. He’s truly holding onto hope that maybe you’re just hiding out and taking time away, even though his gut is telling him otherwise.

He gets into town a bit close to 11am, and he takes a taxi straight to the restaurant. Everything feels like a distant, far memory. Waves of emotions wash over him as he watches the surroundings brush past, remembering his first times here. All of his memories with you.

It feels like a fever dream.

“Yeosang!” Mingi yells with a smile on his face. He wraps his arms around him in a big hug, patting him on the back. He knows what he’s here for and he’s already sorry he can’t be of more help to him, especially when he sees that Yeosang arrived alone and without you. He wishes he can, but he can’t. He’s just as lost as he is. “Missed you, my guy.”

“Aye! Look who it is!” Keeho and Jungkook come out from the back to greet Yeosang with soft smiles and daps.

“Hey. How’s it going?” Yeosang digs his hands into his pockets. “Where’s Mina?”

“She’s at work. The dentist is open on Saturdays and she’s the office manager.” Yeosang nods as Mingi responds. “Keeho, can you take them?” He nods towards the customers that just walked in and sat down.

“Bruh, why me? What do you even do here? Act like decoration?” Jungkook snorts.

“It was good seeing you.” Jungkook smiles. “Let us know if you want anything, on the house.” He turns to finish cooking in the kitchen.

“No seriously, we missed you, dude. Stay for a bit or something. Get comfortable.” Yeosang shakes his head and smiles at Keeho.

“Thanks, I’m good. Promise.”

“You okay?” Mingi looks at him as Keeho and Jungkook busy themselves.

“I— yeah, I don’t know.” Mingi sits and lets out a breath.

“I see Y/N isn’t with you.” Mingi says it out of worry; there’s no tension, no bad blood, no anger behind it. He’s not teasing and pushing Yeosang’s buttons. He is just worried.

“And I see she isn’t with you, either.” Yeosang purses his lips— the hope he had slowly dwindling and lowering on the gauge.

“Yeo, I’m not sure what to tell you. She was here, then she was gone.”

“Did she—“ Yeosang slightly shakes his head. “Did she tell you where?”

“I’m sorry, dude. I really wish I could tell you, but I don’t know anything. She didn’t say anything to anyone. Just.. left. When she was supposed to be back at work after visiting you, we hadn’t heard from her or seen her all day. We went to her studio and the landlord said she packed up and left, never came back.” Yeosang sighs and it breaks Mingi’s heart a bit. “I tried to reach out to her and check up on her but her old number doesn’t even go through anymore.”

“Yeah.” Is all Yeosang says.

“I’m sorry.” Mingi looks at him. “So, she never came to see you that week?”

“No. I-I waited for her when she was supposed to come. For almost an hour. She never showed. Her number was dead by then.” Mingi shakes his head.

“It doesn’t make sense.” Mingi mutters, but he’s mostly thinking outloud, saying it to himself.

“It doesn’t. I don’t really know what to do.”

“I’m sorry.” Is all Mingi can say, because what else can he do? He doesn’t know anything. None of them do. “We’re gonna continue keeping an eye out for her. Any sign of her. You’ll be the first to know.” He hands Yeosang his phone. “I realized we all never got your number.” Yeosang chuckles a bit.

“I was eventually going to ask, but yeah. I got comfortable with Y/N being around and sending messages on my behalf.” He plugs in his number and hands the phone back to Mingi. Mingi sends him a message and gives him a tiny, pursed smile before tucking his phone in his pocket.

“That’s me. I sent you Keeho’s, Jungkook’s and Mina’s, too.”

“Thanks.”

“It probably sounds dumb with the circumstances, but give her some time. I think she’ll come around.”

“Mm.” Yeosang hums. “I just hope she’s okay.” There’s a slight pause between the two before Mingi speaks up again.

“Want anything for the road?” Yeosang shakes his head.

“I’m good. I’ll see you guys again soon. Maybe?” Mingi brings him in for a hug and nods.

“Soon.” Yeosang waves to Keeho and Jungkook before stepping out of the restaurant, taking in the smell of the ocean nearby.

“Shouldn’t we file a missing person’s report or something? Like.. she’s deadass missing. Is no one getting that?” Keeho asks.

“No.” Jungkook shakes his head. “Keep your voice down.”

“What do you mean no, Kook? We have no idea where she’s at, even Yeosang. She could be hurt.”

“No, I know she’s not. I know she’s out there somewhere, okay. Just give her some time. Let’s not make it any bigger than it should be right now, she probably has a reason and needs to be by herself. Let’s trust her, alright?” Keeho and Mingi let out deep sighs before nodding. Jungkook isn’t sure where he’s pulling this from— honestly, he does feel it within him, instinctual if you may, that you’re fine and that you’ve managed to find a safe place.

“Fine. But if it gets too long, I’m serious.” Keeho tosses the rag onto the counter and continues to tend to the customers sitting around.

Yeosang takes a small stroll along the beach, kicking along at the rocks and listening to the waves crash against the surface. It hurts a little to be here without you, because everything about this town is you. He swallows the lump in his throat when he feels the dull pain in his chest, doing his best to push it aside and breathe through it. He walks deeper into town, waving and conversing with a few people he had met from his visit. They’re all happy to see him, and they all question where you’ve been since they hadn’t seen you around. All he can do is shrug in return and tell them that he hasn’t seen you either.

It’s all a big game.

They sympathize with him, maybe some even pity him, but they send him off with warm smiles and big hugs— telling him they hope to see him again for longer soon. He hopes so, too. But next time, he hopes to be with you. Happy again.

Whenever that is.

He’ll tell himself it’s soon, even though he knows he’ll have to go through a long ass maze before he gets to the end.

Jeongin looks at you as you sort through your two luggages and fix your clothes into the three drawers on the side of your bed frame and in your tiny closet. He doesn’t even know what to say— quite frankly, he’s still trying to process the fact that you’re in front of him. In the flesh. Organizing your clothes because.. you’re back home and staying?

“So.. what? You just upped and left everyone? Your other friends? You didn’t tell anyone anything?”

“Nope.”

“You even got a new number. How are they supposed to contact you?”

“They don’t. For now.”

“Even that visitor guy you were seeing?” You stay quiet. It breaks your heart when Yeosang’s face flashes in your head. You miss him, you miss everything about him. And you wish it was easier to explain yourself, to tell him why you felt the need to run.

You just don’t think you deserve him. How could you be the person he deserved? What if you failed miserably and disappointed him, too? You couldn’t live with it. Not another disappointment.

“What if they file a missing person’s report, hm?” Jeongin tilts his head and you pause, looking at him dead in the eye. Jeongin realizes he doesn’t even know any of your friends from town by name. You’ve talked about this visitor guy so often, yet you’ve never said his name. He knows him as the visitor, that’s it. He’ll never understand why you tried to keep the two parts separate, but he guesses it’s making sense now— because of times like these, when you just need to be away and alone where no one can find you. But, why? What is the reason this time?

“They won’t, okay? I’m going to call them soon. Just.. let me get my things together.”

“No one else knows you’re here? Ryujin, Bin and Sannie?”

“Nope. I’m gonna see Ryujin tomorrow.”

“Your parents—”

“Not one word to them, Yang Jeongin.” You look at him. “Not yet. I’ll talk to them when I’m ready.”

“Okay, but my parents are gonna wonder why I keep leaving the house Y/N. Did you not think about any of this?” You sigh.

“No. I’m sorry. But, don’t worry about it, okay? I’ll get to them before your parents question anything.”

“What’re you planning to do here then?” The questions continue to spill out of Jeongin’s mouth because he sure as hell wasn’t expecting you to call him in the middle of the day, asking for you to meet him at some random house. He finds you’ve rented a tiny in-law, using the savings you’ve accumulated over time, but that’s not really the issue. He’s happy you’re back home [in a sense], but you look frazzled. All over the place. Sad. Hurt. And Jeongin isn’t sure why you’re hiding from everyone and why you’ve decided to do this without letting anyone know. But, he can’t say he’s surprised because you did leave after graduation without saying much. He can’t say he’s surprised because you tend to run, and you run often.

“I don’t know, Innie. I just don’t know how to explain it. I wanna get myself together and get a job at the vet or aquarium, start working my way up so people start finally realizing I do have a purpose.” You pathetically chuckle. You just want to feel worthy. Like you have something to be proud of. Like you can finally genuinely be proud of yourself. For things you wanna do.

“Okay, cool. I’m all for it. But.. did something happen? Did he hurt you?” You remain quiet, tears threatening to spill. “Y/N, did he hurt—”

“No.” You sniffle. “He could never. It was me.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t deserve him. What if I disappoint him, too? What if I can’t be the person he needs? What if he realizes I’m not shit?”

“Don’t say stuff like that.” He furrows his brows. “Why didn’t you give him a chance? It sounded like he cared about you, so why did you just let it go?”

“I can’t explain it. I just don’t wanna be another disappointment to someone, especially him.”

“Y/N.”

“Jeongin, please. Okay? I’m tired. I’m sorry, I just don’t know how to explain it to you. Please be on my team right now, that’s all I need.” He sees the tears slowly falling, staining your cheeks as you continue to unpack and keep quiet. He lets out a small sigh, shifting in his position on the hardwood floor to embrace you in a warm, tight hug.

“I am, I am. I’m sorry. I just wanted to be sure you were okay and not hurt.”

“I am.” It’s another lie, but it’ll help hold over until Jeongin becomes more curious.

“Can you do one thing for me, though?”

“Hm?” You hum.

“Can you promise me you’ll call your friends from town? They’re going to worry about you.”

“I will.” He nods and wipes his sweaty hands on his jeans before standing.

“Should we go out and buy you some more furniture?” He looks around the incredibly empty and sad room. “Maybe some decor? I don’t know. Give your space some life?”

“If you buy me dinner, intern.” He rolls his eyes.

“Fine.” You chuckle, wiping away the stragglers running down your cheeks before hugging him tightly. Closely. You really missed your cousin, and he’s the comfort you need right now. Jeongin wraps his arms around you before squeezing lightly and pulling away.

“Let’s go.”

Jeongin takes you to a small furniture and decor store nearby, one that isn’t typically crowded or sought out. It does have cute furniture in stock, and you manage to grab a few necessities and prints to hang around your room. You don’t grab much, though. It’s enough to fit in Jeongin’s car [barely]. As promised, he takes you out to dinner while you sort through your employment plans with him. At the same time, he manages to update you about how his internship is going, how he’s trying his hardest to work hard and make sure he’s keeping up. You can only imagine how tough it can get for him, but he’s a smart and bright kid— you know he’ll succeed either way. You stay for about 2.5 hours before the sun finally sets and you’re heading back to your place under the twinkling stars, the bright moonlight.

While you’re fixing up your place with Jeongin that night, Yeosang finds himself getting wasted just a ways away. He doesn’t know you’re so close; yet, in his mind you’re so far and distant. So gone and lost. And that’s what kills him every time he thinks about it because he just doesn’t know where you are. It kills him because he still holds so much love for you, and he all he wants to do is hold you. Tell you everything will be okay. Console you. Be the man you need.

You won’t let him, though. Why?

“Yeo, that’s enough.” Chaerin pouts as she shoves the soju bottle away. “Let’s go.”

“One more.” He says, struggling to bring the shot glass to his lips. Wooyoung takes the glass from his hand and takes the shot on his behalf, no longer wanting Yeosang to drown in all this alcohol tonight.

“Let’s go.” Wooyoung repeats, standing to his feet while Jongho helps Yeosang up.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Jongho struggles to hold up a drunk, stumbling Yeosang. He’s got an arm over his shoulder but he keeps slumping over, making it harder for Jongho to take proper steps.

“You okay?” Jongho asks even though he’s clearly not. But, he needs to know if they should stop and sit. If he’s gonna yack.

“Will I ever be?!” Yeosang drunkly responds with a pathetic laugh. “She fucking left and I have no idea where the hell she is! I’m so stupid— this is all so fuuuuucking stupid!” His tone raises, causing a few passerbyers to look their way.

“Yeo, come on.” Woo says, handing him some water. “Stop.”

“I just wish she knew how fucked up this is.” Yeosang laughs again. “Isn’t so fucked up how much I love her and she doesn’t even feel the same?”

“I don’t mean to play devil’s advocate right now, but you don’t know that. You don’t know what happened.”

“She left, that’s what happened! If she felt the same, she wouldn’t have done that! You d-don’t do that to people w-who—” He hiccups as he struggles to get his thought out.

“Okay, okay.” Chaerin diffuses the situation. “Let’s just go home and get you in bed.” She looks at Jongho and Wooyoung, both having the same, concerned expression on their faces. They finally make it to the car and shove Yeosang’s drunk ass in the back seat, with Chaerin holding a plastic bag in hand just in case.

Luckily though, Yeosang falls asleep for the short ride home. It becomes a mess all over again when Wooyoung steps out of the car to let him out— Yeosang stumbling over himself and damn near falling before leaning onto the side of his apartment and yacking his brains out. Chaerin stays with him until he’s good, all 3 helping him into his apartment and into bed. Chaerin gives him one last look as she sets the water bottle and trash can near his bed, a small frown forming on her lips as she leaves and shuts his door behind her. Wooyoung decides to stay behind and plops onto Yeosang’s couch, making himself comfortable for the rest of the night. He scrolls through his phone, pulling up IG in hopes of finding any possible way to get into contact with you. He knows it’s a reach, but he just feels like as Yeosang’s bestfriend, he needs to try.

He tries your name, but of course, nothing comes up. He looks up the restaurant Yeosang told him about, and he sees the restaurant’s IG page. He’s not sure what he can do with it, though. Even if you’re in the photos, it doesn’t give him anything. Yeosang has already traveled back to town to get more info from your friends, but apparently, they aren’t aware of your whereabouts either.

Where the fuck were you?

He’s already feeling frustrated with the fact that he has no other leads; he can only imagine what Yeosang’s going through right now. He wished he knew, but he’s at a loss. Wooyoung’s just hoping Yeo will at least get a sign soon. He doesn’t think you’ll hide out for long, there’s no way. Even with all this shit, he truly believes you’ll still find Yeosang and talk this out. He’s holding out hope, especially if his bestfriend can’t right now. It’s hard to tell if it’s a good or bad thing at this moment, but he can at least be a pillar of strength for Yeosang if it all falls through. Or, a pillar of strength to push him forward because he knows how much he cares about you.

All these thoughts swirling in his head put him to sleep pretty quickly, and Wooyoung falls into a deep sleep— better than one that he expected. However, that next morning is rough for Yeosang, to say the least. He wakes up and has an awful, pounding headache. He forces himself to get up anyway; hops in a quick, hot shower and heads out to find Wooyoung lying down on his couch, now stirring himself awake.

“You good?”

“Define good.” Yeosang plops on the floor by him.

“Guess not.” He snorts. “Do you remember last night?”

“Surprisingly, yeah. I do.” Yeosang sighs. “Sorry. I gotta call Chaerin and Jongho to apologize.”

“It’s all good. We know it’s tough right now.”

“Still.”

“So, what now?”

“I don’t know. I’ll keep looking, I guess. I—“ He pauses. “I don’t wanna give up on her even though she already has. I just can’t find it in me to let it go.”

“I mean, I get it. But, you do know, there is gonna come a point where you’ll have to if she hasn’t reciprocated or tried reaching out. I’m only saying this because you’re my bestfriend. I want you to find her and I want you two to work through this and be happy. But, I also need you to realize the other side of this in case it falls through.”

“I know. Thanks. I appreciate it.” He lays his head back against the edge of the couch and shuts his eyes.

“Wanna get breakfast? Just gotta drive me home so I can wash up and change.”

“Sure.”

“I’ll treat your ‘lil sad ass out.”

“Fuck you.” Wooyoung laughs as they both get up and get ready for their day— a day where Wooyoung can at least try to help his bestfriend stop thinking about you, stop thinking about everything going on for a bit. Maybe, he can at least have somewhat of a normal day.

For you, it’s not necessarily an ordinary day either. You’ve been standing in front of your mirror, trying to get yourself together before heading to Ryujin’s house after these years. You know San and Changbin are probably there, and you’re not really sure if you’ll ever be ready to see your friends after dipping and dashing.

How to explain yourself now? Why were you back?

Why were you running again?

You’re honestly not planning to call ahead of time, you’re just hoping she’ll be home at the time you come. You feel entirely unprepared, nervous, scared even, that she’d judge you for being who you are. For getting too into your thoughts, for thinking the way you do, for running. But, she proves you time and time again that she is your bestfriend for a reason. Your bestfriend that you can count on and feel safe with regardless of distance, time.

“Y/N?” Ryujin opens the door slowly, a small pout forming on her lips. You don’t say anything in response before you find yourself crying and throwing your arms around her tightly. Every emotion, every bit of sadness, hurt, confusion, fear, you had been feeling finally swept to the surface and made itself known. She cries, too. But, you think Ryujin is mainly crying because she hasn’t seen you physically in years. Part of it could also be that she hates seeing you cry, and she’s most definitely aware that something is going on for you to be crying on her doorstep. She’ll wait until you’re ready to share, though. For now, she’ll take the fact that she has you here, and possibly for good again.

“Is she crying?” San asks from the living room, where him and Changbin are currently sprawled out on the floor.

“Over our food getting delivered?” Changbin sits up. “Is she getting her period?” He looks at his phone.

“I don’t know, isn’t it more towards the end of the month? That’s when she gets hella—” Changbin looks up and immediately stands, approaching you as you stand in the hallway next to Ryujin.

“Y/N? No way!” He wraps his arms around you and pulls you in for a big hug. “Is that actually you?”

“Yes it’s me, you dummy.” You mumble against his chest before he pulls away and gives San a chance to hug you.

“What the hell, why didn’t you tell us you were coming?” Changbin asks, but he suddenly shifts his tone when he notices how red your eyes are. The bags underneath. How tired and stressed you seem to be. “Wait, what’s wrong?” The question is enough to trigger more crying from you, causing you to dig your face into your hands before you even get a chance to sit.

“Here, let’s go sit so we can all talk.” San ushers you to the living room couch, sitting alongside you with Ryujin on your free side. Changbin opts for sitting on the ground, looking up at you with concern. You tell them everything, and you mean everything: running away because of all the pressure from your family, the hurt you felt from your ex. Your need to start new somehow, to feel worthy, to feel loved and appreciated in one form or another. You still don’t give them any names, but you do tell them you’ve made really good friends down there that you think they’d enjoy.

Then, with a brief pause, you tell them about Yeosang. Un-named, of course. But, you tell them like it’s the greatest love you’ve ever experienced in such a short amount of time. It is. Kang Yeosang was the biggest blessing you’ve been granted in such a long time, you’re not even sure how you’d ever move on or what you’re even doing right now. Changbin rests a hand on your knee when he sees you struggling to speak in between your sobs, choked up from all the crying you’ve been doing. Quite frankly, he has seen you cry like this. He hated it because back then, you cried because you were hurt. You were hurt and as your bestfriend, he was angry. You were treated terribly, you were treated in a way that you absolutely did not deserve. And for the longest time, he wondered when you’d stop crying over your ex, when you’d finally get past that point of being so down and out about someone who didn’t recognize your worth. Now, he finds you’re crying because you’re so deeply in love. You’re crying because you’ve been so afraid to hurt the only good thing that’s ever come into your life. You’re crying because you gave up the one thing that brought you pure happiness out of all the fear built within you from your past. He hates it now because he’s sad for you. All that mess from the past made you leave the one thing you truly deserved— a chance at pure, genuine happiness.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” Ryujin continues to hold you and rub your arm. “I’m sorry.” She repeats. “What can we do? Should we go back to town? Why keep hiding if you know you feel the same way for him?”

“I’m just scared. I’m scared I’ll treat him badly and I won’t make him happy. I just can’t—”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain.” San taps your leg, reassuring you and not wanting to overwhelm yourself. “You’re an amazing person though, Y/N. I’m sure he loved you for you and would’ve been willing to do this ride with you. Nothing is ever perfect.”

“Look, we’ll be here to support you no matter what, okay? You know that. Just tell us what you’ll need and we’ll help you. But, I need you to know that you’re never going to be alone. You won’t be. No matter what it is, you can always talk to us, Y/N.” Bin chimes in. “You don’t have to go through all of this by yourself just because you think no one wants to listen to you or help you get through it. You’re not being a burden, I don’t care what anyone else says.”

“I’m sure the same goes for your friends from town and.. him. Whatever your ex did, doesn’t define who you are. Same thing with the fights you had with your parents. None of that is you.” You sigh, lazily wiping away at your tears as you nod. Maybe it was time to finally come face to face with your demons. Maybe it was time to finally learn how to make peace with it and stop letting it determine your surroundings, your environment, your present.

Because it isn’t your past.

“I really missed you guys.”

“We missed you, too.”

“You’re staying?” San asks.

“I am.”

“Good. Then, we’ll take it one step at a time.” Ryujin wipes her own tears before shaking it off and smiling at you. “How about we order a bunch of food and drink like the old days, hm? Why don’t you stay over tonight?” You nod, knowing you can just borrow some of Ryujin’s clothes until tomorrow. Ryujin whips up a quick and easy snack for everyone to indulge in before San and Changbin decide to go head to head in Mortal Kombat, while you and Ryujin hang out in her room. It brings you back to the old days, the days when you didn’t have many worries, too much bullshit flooding your head, when the world didn’t feel like it was gonna swallow you whole. The both of you could comfortably sit or lie down in a comfortable silence, each doing your own thing within the same space. Right now, she’s definitely scrolling through aesthetic Youtube shorts next to you, watching people pack their lunches or their night-time routines in a quick second reel.

You, though?

You lie in Ryujin’s bed, constantly typing in Yeosang’s number and deleting it. You pull up his IG and look through his posts, surprised he still has pictures of you posted on there despite the mess you’ve buried him in. Your heart aches when you catch his caption from the most recent post, suddenly the need and want to be in Yeosang’s arms stronger than ever. It’s a picture of you tucked in between his legs while you both sat on the sand, overlooking the ocean. He holds you close, his chest pressed against your back as his arms hang over your shoulders. You remember that day so well— Mingi was out paddleboarding while Keeho and Jungkook were working at the restaurant. You’re laughing [probably at Mingi], while Yeosang is looking down at you with the biggest, brightest smile you’ve ever seen. He’s smiling but his lips are pressed right against the side of your head.

Caption: you.

It’s so simple, yet it says so much about Yeosang and what this means to him. You feel the guilt, the sadness, bubbling in your gut; forcing you to swallow the lump in your throat to somehow help bury the feelings—

“Y/N?”

“Hm?” You turn to Ryujin on her bed while the boys have moved ontoo another game in the living room, immediately closing out the instagram app on your phone.

“What was he like?” She smiles softly. “You know, your man from town.” You chuckle, knowing Ryujin hasn’t yet experienced a deep love but isn’t really in a rush to find it. You admire her, truly. She knows not to go looking in the wrong places and to just let it come when it comes.

“He’s the most beautiful person I’ve met. He’s handsome. Charming. Always took care of me and put me first. He settled into town quick, people adored him. He was always helping out where he could. We kinda just.. fell in one piece together.”

“Was it good?”

“Ryu!”

“I’m just wondering!” You don’t respond and she immediately laughs. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Most importantly." You give her a look and she giggles. "He was always showing me how he felt. He wanted to make this work, and he was willing. He wanted to do everything for me and I just didn’t let him because I was scared.” Your voice tapers off.

❊ FLASHBACK

“Wouldn’t it be nice to see the stars up close? I wonder what it’s like to be in space.”

“I imagine it’s beautiful.” Yeosang says as he looks up at the sky with you as you both sit on the rooftop of your apartment complex.

“Yeosang.”

“Yeah?” His eyes are doe-eyed as he looks down at you with curiosity, wondering where your thoughts are right now.

“I wish I could touch a star. Hold one in the palm of my hands.”

“I dunno if that’s possible, pretty girl.” He does a slight head tilt. “Can’t bag it ‘till we try it, right?” You look at him when he starts raising his hand to the sky, pretending to pluck away at the tiny dots in the night sky.

“What’re you doing?” You smile as you lay your head on his shoulder.

“I’m trying to grab you as many stars as possible.”

“Sangie.” You giggle as you watch him continue to pretend and pluck the stars from the sky, setting it aside next to you.

“You asked for the stars, so I’m delivering.”

“You’re the best.” You plant a kiss on his shoulder before resting your chin on his shoulder. He can’t help but smile at you, pressing a kiss to your forehead before moving down to the tip of your nose.

“Only for you.”

❊ END

“I don’t think you have to be, love. He sounds like a genuinely good person.”

“It’s just me.” She brushes your hair back and gives you a small smile.

“He’s here, yeah?” You nod. “When you’re ready, go find him and talk to him. I’m sure he’s out there looking for you and it doesn’t sound like he’s the type to give up.”

“I will.”

“Can I see a picture of him? I won’t do anything, promise.” You pull up a photo of Yeosang on your phone, one of him posing by the beach; the other, him holding you from behind while he presses a kiss to your temple. Ryujin’s eyes light up when she sees how genuinely happy you are in the photo, how much you glow. “He’s gorgeous, Y/N! What the fuck! Does he have friends?!”

“Yeah, he does. I just haven’t met them yet.”

“You two are perfect.” She chuckles as she looks at the picture once more before returning the phone to you. “Hey. Have you talked to your parents?”

“Nope. They don’t even know I’m here.”

“Will you?”

“When I’m ready.”

“What do you plan to do in the meantime?”

“I’ve applied to a couple of vets, the aquarium. Hopefully, I snag a job at the aquarium somehow. It’d be so fun.”

“I hope so, too.”

“I’m proud of you.” Your bestfriend says. “It hasn’t been easy, but look at you. Still going strong. Doing your thing. You’re doing your best.” She pinches your arm playfully. “But, I just want you to be happy. Stop running from the people that bring you happiness, okay? You deserve it. No matter what was said or done in the past.”

“Thank you.” You pull her into a hug and cling onto her for a good minute, taking in the comfort Ryujin brings to you.

The rest of the day goes as it usually does with San, Changbin and Ryujin. Despite the time away, being apart, everything felt completely normal; as if you picked up right where you left off. You take more time to catch up with them over some good eats before walking around the neighborhood and getting some air. You grab some groceries for tonight’s dinner, inviting Jeongin over after he runs some errands with his parents. You like the fact that your friends treat Jeongin like their own sibling, taking care of him well while you were away. He easily blends in as soon as he arrives, stepping into the kitchen to help prep for dinner. You all take the food out to Ryujin’s little porch, setting a fire for the boys to grill some meat. It’s a relaxing night; the weather isn’t too cold, but you definitely can still spot your breath in the air. Ryujin’s neighbors probably hate it when all of you are together because the moment the alcohol kicks in, you all start singing your favorite songs at the top of your lungs. Changbin suddenly flips the switch and wants to tell everyone scary stories he claims are true and some he even witnessed firsthand— not necessarily lessening the noise on the porch because of the back and forth bickering that occurs in between. You’re not really a fan of scary shit, obviously; hence, those movie nights with your friends from town, digging your face into Yeosang’s chest to avoid any contact with the movie. You pull out your phone and start pressing Yeosang’s number into the phone app to try and distract you, but you don’t press call. You just delete, and re-type. It almost feels like your safety blanket at this point.

You could call if you wanted to.

Initially, you had opted for blocking him, but eventually, you knew it’d catch up to you through your friends— Jungkook, Mina, Mingi, Keeho. So, you end up scrapping the plan to get a new phone, a new number entirely. Get rid of IG, any trace of social media. That way, they couldn’t find you. It’s kinda ironic, almost symbolic, how quick and painless it happens at first; almost like a sign that you were meant to start fresh and bring out a clean slate.

Innie, Ryujin and Jungkook’s numbers are the only other ones you memorize by heart. Innie and Ryujin because they’re the closest ones you’ve had throughout all these years, Jungkook because you can count on the times you’ve mustered up the courage to play hooky and call in sick. Or, to pick up his call when you were running late and he was wondering where you were at. That number came up on your screen way too often, but now, you’re kinda glad it turned out that way.

“I’ll be back. I need to make a call.” You tell your friends as you slip away and back into Ryujin’s living room. You dial the number and press the phone to your ear, only waiting 2 rings until Jungkook picks up along with the restaurant’s background noise.

“Hello?”

“Jungkook.”

“Y/N?” There’s a slight pause as you think about your response. “Y/N? Hello?” He repeats.

“Hey.”

“Y/N, what the fuck.” Jungkook leaves the restaurant and heads to the back area where it’s a little quiet. “We’ve been worried about you. Where are you?”

“I’m fine, okay. I’m sorry. I.. broke my phone and needed to get a new one, so this is my new number.” You lie. You lie and you lie, hoping it’ll mask the pain somehow. Hoping people won’t question your decisions and the way you’ve been acting. Why you’ve been running, why you can’t just stay put and let yourself be happy.

“Why didn’t you call someone right away or text us before you left? What the hell is going on?”

“I just have to take care of some stuff at home. I’m sorry.” You repeat, and he sighs heavily. You can’t even see him, but you know he’s running his hand through his black hair. Placing that hand on his hip. Ready to scold you, but doesn’t because he knows you don’t need it right now. He can easily sense how stressed you are, how scared and sad you feel. He hopes you’re truly okay and hanging in there.

“Y/N, you know we would’ve helped you.” He pauses. “And Yeosang—”

“Jungkook, I need you to promise me you aren’t gonna tell anybody anything right now. Let Mingi, Mina and Keeho know I’m okay and that everything’s fine. I’ll talk to them soon, but please. Please don’t say anything else, and please don’t tell Yeosang.” You beg and he sighs.

“Why are you doing this? He came by not too long ago and it’s heartbreaking, dude. I’ve never seen anyone so defeated over something.”

“I’ll— I’ll talk to him soon, Jeon Jungkook, promise me. For real. If we’re friends, you’ll—”

“Okay, okay. I’ll only promise if you promise to talk to him soon, too. Or else, I can’t guarantee I’ll keep this from him forever. He just wants to see you and talk to you, Y/N. He cares about you, and he misses you like crazy. Don’t let him slip away.”

“I know.”

“I’m glad you called.” Jungkook adds. “We miss you.”

“I miss you guys, too.” You bite onto your bottom lip to prevent your tears from flowing. “Thank you, Kook.”

“Course. You sure you’re okay? You’re safe, got a place and everything?”

“I am. I promise you.”

“Alright. Call me if you need me. For anything.”

“I will. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay. Stay safe.” Jungkook ends the call and looks at his phone in some sort of disbelief. He’s relieved he finally heard from you, he knew he would. It was just a matter of time, and it didn’t help that Keeho was constantly on his ass about finding out where you were. He tucks his phone into his pocket just as he walks back into the restaurant, only to be greeted by Keeho himself.

“Where’d you go? Some impatient ass people were asking about their food—” Keeho furrows his brows while taking a better look at him. “What’s wrong, why do you look like that?”

“Like what?”

“Iono, like you saw a fucking ghost or something.” Keeho licks his lips. “Is it Y/N?” Jungkook doesn’t say anything as he continues to wash his hands and finish setting up the plates for said table [who is complaining]. “Yo, Jungkook. What is it? Is she okay? If she’s hurt—”

“She’s not.” Jungkook looks at him and slides over the plates. “She’s fine. She just called me to tell me she was okay.”

“Okay, so why didn’t you call me and Mingi over? We wanna talk to her, too.”

“It’s not that, Keeho. I’m sorry, I know you guys want to, but I don’t think she’s ready yet. I truthfully don’t even think she was ready to call me either.” Jungkook looks at him. “She said she’ll talk to you guys soon but she’s safe and she’s fine.” Keeho lets out a heavy sigh before shaking his head and taking the plates.

“Alright, fine. I’m glad she’s okay.”

“Yeah, I am, too.”

“Assuming she hasn’t talked to Yeosang?”

“No, but don’t say anything to him. Let her handle this.” Keeho shrugs.

“Alright, alright.” Jungkook sighs. At the end of the call, all you can do is stare at your phone for a bit before you toss it aside and start crying into your hands. You missed your friends. Your life back in town. You missed Yeosang so, so much. But so much of your insecurities took over, you felt like you didn’t have a choice but to run from them.

What if you would never be good enough for him? How did you deserve someone like Kang Yeosang?

“So, yeah. It’s next week already.” You hear Jeongin say as you finally gather yourself and walk back outside, patting away at your face with the sleeve of your sweater. Jeongin looks over at and senses how your mood has changed. He can see you quickly patting away and wiping at your face while you tuck your phone into your pocket. You sit and tuck your knees close to your chest, and it’s so obvious you had just been crying. He won’t point it out, though. Tonight has already been going well and he’d hate to ruin that.

“Do you have a date or something?” San asks.

“No? I’m just going to go!”

“You’re not seeing anyone?” Jeongin shakes his head shyly.

“No.”

“Aw, baby bread is shy. You like someone at work, don’t you?”

“I don’t! I’ve barely been there for a month!” You giggle, watching as he roasts a marshmallow over the fire to make himself some smores.

“You sure?” You gently nudge him and he smiles.

“I just think there’s someone really pretty, but she’s probably already taken.”

“You never know.” You look at him. “Can I see a picture?”

“I have like.. a group photo we took at the company. We needed to take a new one for the website and I guess.. social media purposes.” He pulls up his phone and shows you the photo. He zooms into her face and lets you take a good look, biting onto his bottom lip when he hears you giggle a little louder.

“She’s very cute. You don’t have her instagram or anything yet?”

“Not yet. We’re not that close yet. But, planning to slowly get to know her more.”

“The party will be a good way to do so.” You zoom out of the picture, eyes quickly scanning the company photo when they land on a very, very familiar face.

In that group photo is Kang Yeosang.

Suddenly, you feel nervous. Sick, all over again. Almost like your cousin can read your thoughts as they quickly pan through your head right at this moment. You don’t know if it’s a good thing that Jeongin works at the same place as him; but, at the same time, you probably should’ve known there was a chance this could’ve happened.

“What? Are you eyeing the guys at the company?”

“No.” You shake your head and give him a tiny smile. “Was just looking at how big the group is. Enjoy yourself at the party, okay? It’ll be fun.”

“Thanks.” Jeongin says, taking his phone back. The crazy thing about Jeongin is that he can already tell there was more to it than you just ‘looking at how big the group is.’ He caught how fast your smile faded and how you shifted in your seat, body suddenly more tense than it was earlier. He looks at the photo one more time when you aren’t looking to see if anything seemed off, but he can’t tell. He just knows someone caught your eye and you won’t be willing to share that information soon.

What if someone in there was the visitor? Chances were low but never zero, right?

As the hours go on, Jeongin heads home a little closer to midnight, while San and Changbin wash the dishes in the kitchen before sleeping on the couch or floor. You and Ryujin lay in her bed again, talking about different things that have come up for her over the years. You’re surprised not much has changed, but Ryujin’s the type to go with the flow— take life as it comes. She falls asleep quickly after she listens to you tell her more stories from town, the people you’ve grown close to, the little things you’d do spending your days off. When she falls asleep, you find yourself pulling up all your pictures and videos again. You turn to your side and face the wall, finding a few tears streaming down your cheek when you revisit old memories.

❊ FLASHBACK

“Y/N!” You continue to run until you feel Yeosang’s arms wrap around your waist, pulling you back against him. You let out a loud squeal when he holds you tightly, refusing to let go. “Can’t go anywhere now, hm?”

“Oh, no.” You pretend to be scared. “Guess not.” You turn in his grip and face him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“You’re such a brat.” You laugh, Yeosang’s warm hand coming up your sweater and rubbing against your bare back.

“But you love this brat, don’t you?” He lets out a small chuckle but doesn’t verbally respond. Instead, he dips forward to kiss you on the lips, keeping his movements slow and steady— hoping it’s enough to show you that he does love you. He hadn’t said it out loud at this point, but he does. Yeosang loves you. His hands roam up your sides, gently squeezing as they slowly continue to climb up your sweater. You smile against the kiss, your fingers getting tangled in the ends of his hair.

“Ya’ll please, get a room.” Keeho yells from behind. You break the kiss with a tiny laugh, flipping Keeho off from behind.

❊ END

You feel your bottom lip trembling, more tears threatening to spill when you replay those memories in your head like a film strip. You pull up the phone app again, fingers wanting to dial Yeosang’s number just like they’ve been trying to these past days.

Because you wanna hear his voice.

Tell him you’re sorry.

But, you prevent yourself from doing anything further. Not until you know you’re fully ready to see him and explain everything. Tonight, you’ll continue to stick with your memories, stigck with Yeosang’s voice in your head because this seems to be the safest place.

This is where things are good. This is where things aren’t ruined.

For now.

Time seems to be moving equally slow and quick.

Yeosang isn’t really sure what’s worse, but all he knows is that it’s been a couple of weeks since you two were supposed to meet. Now, it’s time for the work party and he’s having to face it alone. It’s one that he wanted you to be his date for. One that he’s not even in the mood to participate in but his friends are all going and so should he.

So yeah, maybe not alone; But, it sure as hell feels like it when you’re not with him.

He lets out a sigh when he finally goes into the store and tries to find a new pair of slacks and a button up shirt to wear tonight. He’s not even sure what color he’s going for— maybe an all-black fit? He’d typically ask for your opinion by now if you hadn’t already told him what colors you wanted to wear. He hates this, truly hates this.

He walks [mopes] around the store, lazily picking up a grey button up shirt and a black button up. He’s not sure which one he’ll go with yet, and he’s not in the mood to try them on. He carries them around as he continues to walk around the store, looking at other items he could possibly buy. He likes the moment of peace he has right now shopping alone, though he wishes he had specific company. He tries to bury the idea in the back of his head so he can get through today in one piece, but he already feels the struggle piling within him.

It’ll be a long, long day.

After an hour or so, Yeosang finally steps out of the store with a bag in hand after taking his time with the retail therapy. He bought some new outfits— one, of course, for the party that’s happening tonight, and the other, still with you in mind; hoping one day he could wear them and impress you all over again. He sighs to himself as he looks down at his phone, seeing a few notifications from his group chat. He tucks his phone into his pocket and looks out at the busy sidewalk, doing a double-take to his right when he feels like he’s caught a glimpse of the back of your head.

It can’t be you, can it?

Is the universe finally on his side for once?

Yeosang feels his heart drop to the pit of his stomach as he rushes through the crowd, quietly spitting out small apologies and ‘excuse me’s’ while weaving through the waves of people.

“Y/N.” He feels like he loses you for a quick moment until he lands sight of you again. He reaches the end of the sidewalk and catches up. The moment his hand falls on the shoulder, he feels like he has finally reached the end of this maze, the final boss of this game. He has hope, a sense of victory, and he can’t wait to see your face—

“Excuse me?”

It’s not you. It’s definitely not you. He could’ve sworn it was, though. And his heart shatters all over again. He’s not sure how much more of a beating it can take; repeatedly trying to piece his heart back together just to have it shatter to pieces.

Being repeatedly stomped on over, and over, and over again.

“I-I’m sorry.” Yeosang says, ripping his hand away from her shoulder. She gives him a confused look before she puts her headphones back in and walks across the street, creating the most distance between herself and him. He sighs and runs his hand through his hair, licking his lips as he turns down the street and heads back towards his car.

“Fuck.” You mutter to yourself as you power down a random alley just to get away from the crowd, away from Yeosang—

“Oh my god, where did you even come from?” San asks when you run into his chest as he and Changbin are coming out of another store. “Where’s Ryujin?”

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Changbin looks at you when he sees you trying to catch your breath, eyes incredibly alert of your surroundings.

“Babe, I lost you for a second! Why did you run off like that?!” Ryujin says, bags in hand as she approaches the group. “What happened?”

“Nothing, I just— I’m sorry.” You look at her and shake her head. “I thought I saw someone.”

“Him?” She brushes the hair away from your face when she gets closer, her tiny acts of affection enough to calm you down.

“Mhm.” You barely respond above a whisper. “I’m— I can’t run into him like this.”

“That’s alright.” San looks around. “It’s clear now, right? Let’s go get something to eat up this way.” You nod, letting Changbin and San lead the way while Ryujin continues to stick by your side. She rubs at your arm to try and keep you calm, reassuring you that Yeosang is probably long gone and down the other street.

Which, he is. Doesn’t mean he has stopped thinking about the run-in, though. Yeosang knows that it was you. He knows everything about you, every inch of your body, the way you walk— he knows you probably better than you know yourself. He wishes he caught you sooner because he knows his eyes aren’t deceiving him. He knows, he knows, he knows.

And it’ll be his fucking downfall for the rest of the day. There goes his mood for the party.

“Yeah?” Yeosang picks up Wooyoung’s call through the car’s bluetooth.

“Where are you?”

“Heading back home from running some errands.”

“Can I slide through? Jongho and Chaerin said they were just gonna meet us at the party tonight.”

“Yeah. I’ll be home in about 10 minutes.”

“Alright.” With that, Yeosang ends the call. He has music softly playing in the background just to fill the white noise, but quite frankly, the ride feels a lot quieter than it actually is. Yeosang doesn’t even wanna go tonight, not anymore. He just feels like laying in bed and staring at the ceiling, processing the feeling of having you in his hands just to slip away. Again.

When Yeosang gets home, he lets the front door shut louder than usual— the impact rattling his cabinets, shaking his walls. He sets his things aside, kicks his shoes off to the side and plops onto the couch. He lets his head hang back, shutting his eyes as he lets out a heavy sigh. The peace lasts for all of 2 seconds before Wooyoung comes barreling in, creating his own kind of chaos to make his presence known in the apartment.

“Yoohoo!” He whistles as he drops his things on top of Yeosang’s coffee table. “Did you just buy an outfit for tonight?” Wooyoung digs through Yeosang’s shopping bags.

“Maybe.”

“Biggest fucking procrastinator.” Wooyoung furrows his brows.

“I told you I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to go.” Yeosang throws a ‘lil attitude in his response, mainly just irked at how his day went.

“Okay, sorry. Just jokes. What’s wrong?”

“I thought I saw her.” Yeosang opens his eyes and shakes his head, eyes still fixed on the ceiling above him. “Pretty sure it was her, but—” He looks flustered and Wooyoung isn’t even sure how to help him right now. All he can do is just stand and wait for Yeosang to continue. “Nevermind. I just thought I saw her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s good. Maybe this shit isn’t really meant to be, huh?” Yeosang sits up and looks at him, but Wooyoung just shrugs in response.

“I can’t say. I don’t wanna say no, but I don’t wanna say yes either because time keeps going on and she’s still not giving you anything. There aren’t any signs for you to work with and I’m not sure what else I can do or say to help. Maybe it’s time you put it to rest and let the world handle everything else. Stop controlling the shit you can’t control.”

“I guess.”

“Listen.” Wooyoung stands. “The party is tonight. I know you don’t wanna go, but our friends are gonna be there. It’ll be one night where you can let everything go and just enjoy yourself. That’s all I ask from you.” Yeosang turns to look at him and gives him a slow, tiny nod before getting up.

“Yeah, alright.”

“Good. Now, show me what you bought.” Wooyoung stands with his hands on his hips, waiting for Yeosang to try on the items he bought for tonight in particular. In the end, Yeosang ends up going with a simple all-black fit with a button-up halfway done. He has a silver watch on his wrist, silver chain sitting nicely around his neck. Him and Wooyoung take a few shots of some nasty ass whiskey that Wooyoung left at his place months ago before heading out to the venue. It’s deep downtown, a huge convention center with a couple of different rooms to accommodate all sorts of events. The music is already booming, and the place is filled with familiar faces. Yeosang does appreciate it because it’s the one time people can let loose and be a little more casual outside of the work setting.

He just wishes you were here with him.

Wooyoung is quick to socialize and drag Yeosang around to more shots, more champagne, more of everything that Yeo typically doesn’t really enjoy. But, he’ll indulge because what else does he have to lose tonight? The alcohol surely helps loosen him up, and it does help him get his mind off of things temporarily. It’s a nice feeling, and it almost feels foreign with how much his thoughts have been consumed by you these past weeks.

Jongho and Chaerin finally make it to the venue and casually join along to Wooyoung’s shenanigans, and the room feels 10x hotter than it was earlier with more people piling in with their plus one’s and other guests. There’s a little speech prepared by the CEO and leadership team, a congratulatory celebration per say for the goals already achieved at this point in the year. Jeongin is off to the corner with his friends, also feeling somewhat suffocated with how crowded the room feels after being here for just about an hour and a half. But, he tries to remember there’s a first for everything and tonight, he’ll enjoy himself. Get to know the cutie he’s been eyeing and see where it takes him. It’s a good start to the night all around. Both of them won’t complain. Yeosang will step out for a second though because it does get to be a little much when the music becomes more aggressive, the crowd is jumping around— people are drunk-drunk. As with all good nights, they also call for a break.

When he steps outside, he situates himself by the railing and looks out at the view of the city, the river ahead. It feels peaceful, especially with the way the wind is hitting him and providing temporary relief.

“It’s so pretty tonight.” Chaerin surprises him when she comes to his side and rests her hands on the rail.

“Yeah, it is.”

“You okay?”

“Mm, yeah. Crowd was just getting to be a little much. Had to step away for a second.”

“I feel you. Wooyoung is starting a mosh pit in the middle of the floor.” Yeosang rolls his eyes.

“Course.”

“You sure you’re okay?”

“What makes you ask?”

“I dunno. Everything going on.” She fiddles with her thumbs before looking back out at the view.

“I guess. Trying to be, at least.”

“Still haven’t heard from her?”

“Nah.” Yeosang shakes his head and his smile drops a bit. “I’m not sure if I will at this point. I just— I don’t know. I don’t know where she’s at or why she's hiding from me. I don’t know where things went wrong.” Yeosang sighs, leaning over against the rail as Chaerin stands next to him. “Sorry, I don’t mean to go on.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry it’s been hard.”

“Don’t be. I’ll figure it out like I’ve always done.” He playfully pinches her cheeks and she giggles.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Hard to feel that way, really.” He lets out a pathetic chuckle as they both continue to look at the view.

“Well, for what it’s worth, she’s missing out. She doesn’t know how good she has it with you.” Yeosang looks at Chaerin, locking eyes with her as she gives him a small smile before subtly licking her lips. The look holds a lot more than she lets on, but Yeosang doesn’t break away from it. He’s caught off guard by what she does next and it doesn’t register for him right away when it happens. She tippy-toes and presses her lips against his, and Yeo indulges in the kiss for a good couple of seconds before abruptly breaking away and finally creating distance. He looks at Chaerin, and all she can do is shy away— placing her hand over her mouth as she avoids eye contact.

“Chaerin, I’m sorry, I—” He sighs. “We can’t—I can’t.”

“I’m sorry.” She mumbles and Yeosang feels his heart break for her because he can’t reciprocate. His heart lies with someone else, despite the bullshit that’s been happening. It’ll always be you.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to give you any mixed signals.”

“No, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have. Sorry.” She repeats before she’s rushing off back into the main room of the party.

“Chaerin!” Yeosang calls for her before releasing a groan. “Fuck.” He runs his hand through his hair before walking back inside, trying to keep his composure. He runs into Jongho first, and he can’t help but try and read his body language to see if he knows anything already. But, he doesn’t. Thank god for that.

“Have you seen Chae?”

“No, why? Wasn’t she with you?” Yeosang sighs. “What’s wrong, dude?”

“I— we kissed. I just need to talk to her.”

“You did what?!”

“It was an accident.” Yeosang looks at Jongho before he sees Chaerin leave the women’s bathroom from over his shoulder. “There she is.” He says before brushing past Jongho quickly, catching up to Chaerin just as she tries to dip out of the main room and down the steps to the lobby.

“Wait, wait.” Yeosang chases after her and gently tugs on her wrist. “Chae, let’s talk.”

“Yeo, it’s fine. We don’t need to talk about anything.”

“Yes, we do. You’re still one of my bestfriends, I don’t want this to ruin our relationship—”

“It won’t, it’s fine.” She says, even though deep down, Yeosang knows it’s not. But, what can he say? What can he do? He literally can’t move on from you and that’s unfair to her.

“Chaerin.” He looks at her as they stay paused on the steps, people passing back and forth going from outside back into the party and vice versa.

“Yeosang. I’m serious. It’s fine. I don’t know what go into me, it’s my mistake. We can just act like this never happened. I get it, all is fine.” She repeats.

“I’m sorry.” He’s not sure what he’s sorry for. Maybe for giving her false hope? He didn’t necessarily do anything wrong, he thinks. He’s certainly not sorry about you despite the rough circumstances. It will always be you.

God, today was so fucked up.

“Me too.” Is all she says. He knows this will definitely change things from here on out, but he’s hoping over time, they can continue to be the way they used to be. She lays a reassuring hand on his arm before giving it a gentle squeeze, wanting to move past this just for tonight. Chaerin’s already embarrassed by her actions enough, she doesn’t wanna dwell on it any further. Fuck.

“Excuse me—” Jeongin says, absentmindedly brushing past Yeosang and Chaerin on the steps since he’s more concerned about getting past the crowd in one piece.

“Sorry.” Yeosang steps aside and grabs Chaerin’s hand. “Come on, come back inside with me, please?” She nods, following Yeosang’s lead back into the main room. They find Wooyoung and Jongho at the bar, and Jongho gives him a look that asks if everything is okay. Yeosang simply gives him a tiny, toothless smile, allowing Wooyoung to order more drinks for them to keep the night alive.

Another drink turns into a couple. Yeosang always finds himself drinking more than usual around Wooyoung and Jongho, trying to keep up with their antics. Most of the time, he can. Tonight though, he knows he’s overdoing it and should’ve stopped a whole three drinks ago. He’s dancing away on the dance floor with his friends, Chaerin in and out of the group to hang out with her other friends from another department; most likely her way of trying to distract herself and distance herself from Yeosang tonight. He can’t help but look for her in the crowd every now and then, hoping she’s okay. Other times, he finds himself dancing along with other people from the company, mixing along with the crowd as it continues to mesh into one huge crowd the more people pile into the room. Yeosang eventually has to find the guys again, finding that they’ve separated into different corners of the room. He finds Wooyoung first, bobbing and weaving through people in order to get to his bestfriend when he realizes it’s time for another break. Bathroom break, especially.

“Yo, I’m gonna head to the bathroom.” Yeo lets Wooyoung know before struggling to move past the rest of the crowd and into the bathroom. Thankfully, he makes it in time to break the seal and splash a little water on his face— cheeks flushed, palms sweaty. He’s drunk, and for a minute, he was enjoying himself. Now, he’s drunk and he’s missing you. He splashes a bit more water on his face before he’s dabbing a paper towel across it and tossing the crumpled napkin into the trash. He takes a detour and heads down the steps to get some fresh air, feeling slightly suffocated from the packed room, the loud ass music. His thoughts of you.

The cold air feels amazing against his skin, and it’s helping him feel a little more grounded than he felt a few moments ago. He pulls out his phone and sees a missed call from an unknown number, and for some reason, he feels like he’s gotten punched in the gut. And truthfully, you didn’t mean to press call. You did not mean for that call to go through whatsoever. Your phone had slipped and almost hit you in the face while you laid on your bed, thumbs pressing all sorts of shit just to keep it stable in your hands again. Next thing you knew, the call was going through. You ended the call as quickly as possible, but you knew it was too late. Yeo would’ve seen it by that point. He knows, he knows, he knows.

The first thing Yeo does is press the number and call you back. You gasp when you see his number appear on your screen, heart damn near beating out of your chest when you hit accept— pressing the phone to your ear even though you say nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“Y/N?” You hear Yeosang’s voice on the other line. You place a hand over your mouth when you feel the tears already building on your bottom lid, unsure of why you even picked up in the first place when you knew it’d lead you right where you’re at now. “Y/N, I know it’s you.” He sighs. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, but I need you to talk to me at some point. I’m still waiting for you.” Silence. Yeosang is drunk, and his emotions are getting the best of him, especially when he follows up with: “Y/N, baby.” You quickly end the call and sit up, your cries completely washing over your entire body. You cry and cry into your hands, cursing yourself for letting this shit happen. Why did you have to make it so complicated? Why couldn’t you just tell him you missed him right then and there? Why couldn’t you just say anything?

Yeosang pulls the phone away and looks at the home screen, navigating back to your new number on his call log. He presses the phone to his ear as he paces near the venue entrance, hoping you’ll pick up again. It rings before the call is denied and sent to voicemail. He calls again, and it goes to voicemail. Again, then voicemail.

“Y/N.” He groans under his breath. “Fuck.” Now, all Yeo wants to do is go home. All he’s set on is going home. Fuck this. Fuck the party, fuck everything that happened tonight. He can’t even come home to you, and that’s what’s fucking him up completely.

“About time?! What happened to you, did you yack?” Wooyoung looks at Yeo in the eyes, trying to find any signs of an apparent struggle. Yeo shakes his head to confirm it wasn’t that, nor does he explain himself further.

“I’m about to head home.”

“Already?”

“Yeah.”

“Let me come with—” Wooyoung can tell something isn’t right, and he wants to be there for his bestfriend.

“No. Just stay. Promise I’m all good, it’s really not that big of a deal. I’m just tired.”

“Uh, alright then. Text me when you get home. Don’t forget.”

“Got you.” Yeosang gives him the usual dap before he’s saying his goodbye to Jongho. He tries to search the room for Chaerin, but can’t find her— ultimately opting to see her next week at work and give her space tonight. He darts back down the steps and hops into the next taxi that becomes available on the street.

Thank god it isn’t a far drive, or else, he’d hate to sit in this akward taxi drive in complete silence. Just him and his loud ass thoughts, actually. He contemplates on dialing your number again, but with the three attempts and no return calls coming his way, it’s obvious you mistakenly called him. The call didn’t mean anything, he didn’t mean anything. You wanted nothing to do with him and who is he to fight that? Who is he to force you to feel a certain way?

Oh, if he only knew what truly went on in your head.

Yeosang thanks the driver and gives him a hefty tip in cash, specifically for letting him take a quiet ride home— giving him the opportunity to ponder on what his next move with you is going to be. That entire time, he comes up with nothing. He will absolutely do nothing. He will do nothing because now that he’s tried to tell you where he was at in all of this, now that he’s reminded you that he’s still here— he needs to know if you’re still here, too. He needs to know if you still need to talk to him, still want him, still want to kiss and hold him like he does. He needs to know, and the only way he’ll get the proper answer is by letting you make the next move. Letting you take initiative. He shouldn’t have to. He wasn’t the one that ran away.

He still hates everything, though. It’s easy to stay mad and be mad that you don’t even realize how much energy is draining from you thinking about the current situation and all its different avenues, it feels frustrating. It’s annoyingly frustrating, and so far, it feels like none of the avenues lead him back to you.

So, he needs to know. From you directly.

He takes a quick shower and hops into bed, still staring at his call log. He doesn’t do anything besides stare at it because any other way doesn’t feel safe enough for him. He hopes after this, the universe can send him another sign that’ll show him the way to you, how to get back with you, things to fix on himself before he comes and tries to sweep you off your feet again. He’s still determined to be that guy for you, if you’d let him. He’s just not sure what this means for you, and it makes him sad.

He needs you to let him know. Soon.

You stare at the three missed calls on your phone from Yeosang. The last one has a voicemail he probably didn’t intend to leave because you hear him groan your name in frustration before it cuts off. You replay the message once more before you toss your phone to the side and start getting ready to take a small walk around the neighborhood, grab some coffee and a pastry from a nearby café. The fresh air will do you good, and it will help put you in the right place mentally before your interviews coming up. You were able to lock in three interviews; one at a small, private vet, one at a bigger veterinary hospital downtown and one at the aquarium. Either way, you were excited to finally get started on your dream, your own path. You’d take whatever route life paved for you because at the end of it, it’ll only lead you to more doors, more opportunities.

While sitting at the café, you snap a few pictures of the interior and how pretty it is. You also snap a few pictures of the alleyway and a few passerbyers, wondering what each person’s story is like. If Yeosang were here, you’re sure he’d make you pose in the middle of the alley, or snap random photos of you while sitting in front of him. The thought makes you smile a bit, causing you to shift in your seat. You rest your chin on the palm of your hand, wondering how you could break the ice and finally talk to Yeosang about everything because it’s something that’s constantly on your mind despite all the running and the empty calls. Each day that passes makes you more and more ready to face him, to tell him the truth. It has taken baby steps, but you know you’ll make it to the end. You know you’ll face him regardless of how hard it’ll get, you know you’ll apologize and tell him how much you still love him regardless of how he takes it. And then after all is said and done, maybe that’ll be it for the two of you. You hope not, but what if?

What if that’s where the story ends?

You end up walking into a few stores after sitting in the café, treating yourself to a few new pieces of clothes you could wear to the interview. It feels nice to do a little more retail therapy, your me-time turning into something you desperately needed without even realizing. You head home with a smile on your face, satisfied with the purchases you’ve made. You try on different outfits when you get home, tossing your clothes all over the place once you’re satisfied with some of the combinations you’ve tried on.

“Ayo! Got you some food.” Jeongin yells while walking into your place.

“Oh, shoot! Time already?” You look at the clock before shooting him a smile. “Thanks, Innie.” You watch him pop off his shoes before rearranging your clothes in your closet. “I’ll be there in a second, just cleaning and getting my stuff together.” Jeongin puts the bag of food down on the table, taking a seat while he patiently waits. He texts his friends back before looking around on the table, eyeing the random papers and pictures sitting off to the side. He grabs at the photos out of curiosity, flipping through them and not thinking much of it. “Ugh, where is it!” He hears you suddenly groan as you continue to sort through your stuff, head deep in your closet this time.

“What is it?”

“My license and passport.”

“Where did you last put it?” He asks as he goes through the fun, candid pictures of you and your friends from town.

“In my other purse, but it’s not here.” A small smile is painted on his face as he sees how happy you are with everyone. But then, he finds himself stopping when he sees pictures of you and the visitor. His forehead crinkles because he knows this man. He’s seen— “I found it!” You say with a squeal, tucking your ID and passport into your usual day-to-day bag. You don’t hear anything from Jeongin, so you turn to face him and realize he’s going through the pictures you left on the table. You slowly approach him and notice the photo he’s fixed on, your first instinct to snatch them out of his hands and store it back into the nightstand drawer. “Oops, sorry. I didn’t mean to leave these here.”

“Oh, no biggie.” He watches as you continue to fix the photos and papers back into your nightstand drawer, avoiding eye contact with him. “A-are those your friends, Y/N?” You hear him ask as you stop on one of the pictures of you and Yeosang.

“Yeah.” You nod, throat feeling like it’s closing in on you. “Those are my friends.”

“Is that him?” Silence. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” You shut the drawer before letting out a breath and keeping your composure. “Anyway, what’d you bring?” You smile at him and sit in front of him. “I wanna hear all about the dance.” Jeongin looks at you with concern when you quickly change the subject, unpacking the bag and laying out the food on the surface of the table. “Yum! Bulgogi!”

“Uh, it was good!” He manages to spit out, trying to keep up with the conversation even though his mind is stuck on that picture. You grab a few small plates and utensils, placing it in front of Jeongin and your own seat at the table.

“Did you get to dance with her?”

“Oh my god.” Jeongin says, shaking his head as he begins to pick at the side dishes first. “That definitely wasn’t the vibe last night.”

“What do you mean, it was a party, no?”

“It was. There was an open bar and appetizers. There was a dance floor and everything, but like, you know. Everyone kept it PG and professional even though it was crowded as hell. Music was good, too!”

“I mean, you can dance with her professionally and stuff.” You smirk.

“We did, with our other coworkers.”

“Did you get to talk and get to know her a bit more?” He nods.

“I did. She’s really cute.” He lets out a small laugh.

“Aw, yay!”

“I had fun. It was cool for a work party.”

“What time did you get home?”

“Hm, a bit past 2am. It ended at 11, then we all went out to eat. Karaoke. Then, that was about it.”

“That sounds fun, Innie. Glad you enjoyed yourself.”

“What’d you do last night and earlier today?”

“I hung out with Ryu. She actually came over and we watched movies over some ice cream. Earlier, I just took a walk and sat at a café for a bit before doing some shopping. Tried to get myself into a good space for the interviews coming up.”

“Oh, yeah! When is that? Next week?” You nod.

“Yup.”

“You got this! You’ll get all of them, no doubt. Just a matter of what you’ll wanna do in the end.”

“Thanks, Innie.”

“Have you talked to your friends from town?” He suddenly asks and you shrug.

“I talked to one of them, but I haven’t talked to the others yet. I will, once I’ve gotten these interviews done with.”

“Hm.” He hums. “That’s good, at least you talked to one of them. I just didn’t want them to worry about you.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m going to talk to the rest of them, don’t worry.”

“Mmkay.” Jeongin forces himself to stop asking questions, especially about the other pictures. He can tell you’re getting affected with the way you’re slowly shutting down and avoiding contact again. Sentences are cut short. You’re almost mumbling your words.

He’ll take it as a sign to stop pressing further, especially because he wants you to be okay for your interviews coming up.

The rest of the late lunch goes by without more digging from Jeongin’s end. He decides to talk more about the party and about his coworkers. He tells you how he gets along with his team members, and how patient his seniors are with him. He appreciates it and he hopes he can be offered a permanent position there. If not, he hopes he can find another company with similar vibes: great values, easy going and patient team members, yet incredibly smart and good at what they do. He’s been learning a lot and it’s easy to tell that Jeongin has been enjoying his time there. Then, he touches up on the topic of his parents and how they had been questioning why he had been going out so much lately. You reassure him and tell him that you plan to talk to your parents, assuming all goes well with your interviews. This time though, you plan to work through it slowly, keep your distance if they aren’t being receptive. Just for your own sake. They’re your parents and you know one day you’ll be able to fully forgive them for the things they’ve said and done— but since they’re your parents, you know you’ll always love them even if it has to be from afar.

This time, you plan to keep doing things for you.

After spending a good couple of hours together, Jeongin calls it a day and leaves to rest for the remainder of the day. He tugs his hood over his head and clings onto his shoulder bag, making his way back home from your place. He’s confused, and he’s honestly in a bit of shock still. Jeongin can’t get the picture out of his head. It’s mindblowing how pieces to the puzzle just fall onto his lap, and now, he feels like he can be of better help to you. Even though you were quick to snatch the photo away, Innie was able to get a good look at it. He knows who that guy is. He knows exactly where he’s seen him, and it’s crazy that the answer has been right in front of him this entire time.

❊ FLASHBACK

The first day Yeosang steps back into the office, he’s greeted by a couple of people that are happy to have him back. Everyone compliments on the glow he’s sporting and how happy and refreshed he seems to be. He can’t help but shyly laugh about it, a red tint coloring his cheeks when he tells them he’s had a good time and that he might’ve met someone really special there. He sets his things down onto his desk, fixing up a few things before he heads towards the kitchen with his mug in hand. There are a few interns sitting in one of the main conference rooms, and Yeosang is able to get a good look at them on his way to the kitchen. They all look fairly young, as if they had just graduated. One sits at the far corner in a loose grey button up shirt tucked into his slacks, black frames sitting on his face. He gives Yeosang a tight-lipped smile when they accidentally make contact, making Yeosang give him a curt nod in response.

“Hella interns.” Wooyoung throws his arm around Yeosang as they continue to walk to the kitchen.

“Do we have one?”

“No. I think most of them are in R&D. Operations. A select few in marketing and media.”

❊ END

When Jeongin wakes up on Monday morning, he makes it a goal to get to work a little earlier so he can prepare and step in to be some kind of hero— how he’s gonna pull it off, he’s not sure. He fixes a few things at his cubicle before he heads back upstairs to the main kitchen, where the coffee maker is always stocked and running. To his surprise, Yeosang is already there, waiting for his cup to be filled. Jeongin slowly treads into the kitchen, the feeling in his gut about Yeosang being confirmed when he sees his phone face down on the counter next to the coffee machine.

Sitting on the back is a polaroid of you, smiling happily and posing near the water.

“Uh, hi.” Jeongin steps a little closer, nervously swallowing the lump in his throat. It’s just the fact that Yeosang was his senior that he already felt intimidated but he knew he needed to speak up before it was too late.

“Goodmorning?” Yeosang cocks a brow up. He’s familiar with the intern, and he doesn’t mean to come off as rude or anything. He’s just not sure what he needs from him. Can’t wait to get his coffee? Unsure how to work the coffee machine? They end up in an awkward staring competition until Jeongin clears his throat.

“Sorry. I’m Jeongin.” He holds out his hand for Yeosang to shake, and he takes it.

“Yeosang.”

“I— this might sound really weird, but I know the girl on your phone.” He pauses. “She’s my cousin. I dunno if she ever told you my name, but we’ve spoken on the phone a few times while you were there. She calls me Innie.” Yeosang furrows his brows as he slowly removes his cup from the coffee machine and grabs his phone, eyes glued onto Jeongin. He can tell Jeongin feels bad for him, almost like he pities him. He feels like everyone pities him at this point. Shit is sad. But, before he can deny anything about you, Jeongin follows up with a: “I know where she is and I wanna help.” Yeosang almost drops his cup of coffee. This can’t be real.

“I appreciate it, but it’s pretty clear your cousin doesn’t want anything to do with me.” Jeongin shakes his head.

“It’s not that, it’s—” He sighs. “It’s just that she’s been through alot and she’s scared. I can explain. I know it probably doesn’t hold much weight coming from me and not her directly, but at least it’s a start.” Jeongin looks at him. “I just wanna help. I know she’s been waiting for the right moment to talk to you, but I’ve also caught her crying one too many times over this. I think it’s about time.” Yeosang turns to him, cup of coffee still in his hand. It’s crazy how much Jeongin reminds him of you already, he should’ve known there was something about him when he first saw him.— that something being you.

“What time do you usually take lunch?” Jeongin shrugs.

“Whenever.”

“Wanna meet me in the cafeteria at 12:30? We can talk more about it then.” Yeosang says just as he hears Wooyoung, Jongho and Chaerin making their way to the kitchen.

“Okay. See you later.”

“You’re alive, you piece of shit. I told you to text me when you got home and you didn’t even try to text me all weekend.” Wooyoung scolds Yeosang before shifting his attention to Jeongin. “Hello intern!”

“Hi.” Jeongin gives them all a small smile and a curt nod before grabbing his own cup of coffee and rushing out of the room.

“I forgot, sorry.” Yeo responds to Woo. “I was out of it.”

“Tell me about it.”

“What were you and the intern talking about?” Jongho asks, popping his mug under the coffee machine. “Did he not know how to work the coffee machine?”

“Uh, no.” Yeosang traces the rim of his cup while his friends rummage around the kitchen. “That was Y/N’s cousin.” Wooyoung chokes on his americano.

“The fuck did you just say?”

“That was her cousin.” Yeosang repeats.

“So, what happened?”

“He said he knew where she was.” Yeosang shrugs. “I’m gonna talk to him at lunch.”

“Bro, you’ll finally find her!” Jongho smiles, but all he can do is shake his head in response.

“Doesn’t mean she wants to see me.”

“Why wouldn’t she? I’m sure she wants to explain everything.”

“Why hasn’t she then?”

“Let him help. He might be able to push you two back together, and she may just need that.”

“Yeah.” Is all Yeosang says. He turns to Chaerin, who is quietly stirring the sugar and cream in her coffee. She hasn’t said one word to him, nor has she even looked at him since she stepped into the room. Yeosang gently nudges her and gives her a smile, but she can still barely hold contact with him. “Goodmorning. You okay?”

“Yup!” Is all she says. “Glad Y/N’s cousin was able to find you and talk to you a bit. Hope it works out.” She gives him the tiniest toothless smile she’s ever given anybody, and Yeo knows she’s really only doing it to brush him off and get him off of her case. “Anyway, I have a ton of work to catch up on. See you guys later?” She rushes out.

“I thought you two were okay.”

“I thought we were, too.”

“Why is she being weird around you?” Wooyoung cocks a brow up. “Did you guys kiss or something?” Jongho sips his coffee while Yeosang diverts his attention to his watch.

“I gotta get started on those emails—”

“I was literally just joking. Hurry, someone tell me it’s a joke.”

“Let’s go.” Jongho squeezes his shoulder and pushes Wooyoung out of the kitchen. “Stories for other days.”

“You two fucking kissed?!”

“Shut up.” Yeosang says through gritted teeth as he looks behind him and glares at Wooyoung. “This is why I can’t tell you shit sometimes.”

“Oh my god, when?! At the party?”

“I’m not doing this right now. It was an accident.” Yeosang mumbles as he sets himself down at his desk and begins to pull up his emails.

“The hell it was.” Wooyoung snorts.

“Leave it alone.” Jongho laughs, pushing Wooyoung aside. “He’s got enough to deal with.”

“So? He’s also a grown ass man who can handle it. Right, boss?” Wooyoung leans over to Yeosang and winks. “I expect a full page report by end of the day.”

“Fuck off.” He shoves Wooyoung out of the way and begins to focus on his work. Though, it’s pretty hard when he’s constantly checking the clock and waiting for 12:30pm to come around. He manages to pull through and surprisingly multitask— trying to figure out the questions he has for Jeongin, while also trying to collect his thoughts about this whole thing. There’s no doubt the conversation will be awkward, but the last thing Yeosang wants is for Jeongin to feel like he’s attacking you and angry.

He is angry, but he’s trying to find ways to suppress the feeling and instead, be understanding. Open-minded. Patient.

When 12:30pm hits, Yeosang bids farewell to his friends that head across the street to grab lunch at the restaurant in front of the building. He grabs some soup and a side of salad, setting his stuff down at a table near the far corner of the cafeteria. Jeongin is equally nervous as he is scared because he’s not sure how this whole thing is gonna go down. He hopes the plan won’t backfire and Yeosang doesn’t blow up at him in front of everybody here. He grabs his helping of food before he pauses in his steps and searches the room for a familiar face. He sees Yeosang sitting at a table, only to be met with a small wave when Yeosang meets his eyes.

“Thanks for meeting me.”

“Shouldn’t I be thanking you?” Yeosang looks at him before letting out a small chuckle.

“Nah. It’s no big deal.” Jeongin sips on his water before laying his phone out. Yeosang sees his wallpaper and it’s you two with other family members, posing during Christmas time. He assumes it was years ago when you were still around for family parties. You both have on matching pajamas and silly Christmas hats or glasses. “Had I known it was you she was talking about, I would’ve reached out sooner.”

“How’d you find out?”

“I went to her place the other day and saw some pictures of you two scattered across her table. I flipped through most before she took them and hid them in her drawer.”

“Glad to know she at least still has the pictures.”

“She does. She’s not gonna toss those.” Jeongin takes a bite of his food. “I didn’t mean to be nosy earlier, by the way. I was already questioning myself until I saw the photo on your phone. Kinda helped.”

“It’s all good.” Yeosang sips his soup. “Is she safe?”

“She is. She’s here.” Yeosang pauses before he sets his spoon down completely. So, he wasn’t hallucinating when he ran into you that one day. It was you. “She has her own place and everything. She’s been here for about a few weeks.”

“How many weeks exactly?”

“I dunno, 4? A month, I guess?”

“We were supposed to meet at the end of last month.” Jeongin cocks a brow up.

“She never showed up?”

“No.”

“Hm.” Jeongin hums. “Pretty sure she was already here by then.”

“I don’t know if that makes it any better for me knowing she was.”

“I’m sorry.” Jeongin slightly pouts. “She’s.. she’s been through a lot. I know it’s not an excuse, especially one I can say on her behalf, but she does this. I’m trying really hard to help her so she doesn’t keep running from her problems and everything. I just think she’s gotten so used to doing it that it has become the safest option for her.”

“I understand. Do you mind telling me more about it?”

“She was engaged. She gave her ex everything, and I mean everything. She isolated us just to keep him happy, did everything for him, always stood by his side even though he gaslighted and manipulated her. He really wasn’t good for her.” Jeongin rolls his eyes, still angry at your ex for the way he treated you. “They fought more after they got engaged and he pretty much took everything back. Found out he was having an affair behind her back for months. It was his dumb way of saying their relationship ran its course and that he didn’t wanna do this with her anymore.” Yeosang feels his hand balling into a fist hearing about how incredibly disrespectful your ex was and how fucked up the whole thing turned out to be. Still, it doesn’t excuse the behavior and he wishes you didn’t look at him as someone who would hurt you, too. He would never. He genuinely loves you and would take care of you properly— should you let him. That’s all he wants. “And then on top of that, her parents were pretty harsh on her. All they kept doing was pushing her to be something she wasn’t. The more she refused, the more they treated her like shit. Her dad kept saying she was useless and that he didn’t think he’d have to deal with a daughter who didn’t have purpose.” Yeosang shakes his head. “It all happened around the same time. She wouldn’t stop crying and crying.” Jeongin shakes his head and pokes at his food. “She was so destroyed. She felt like all the people she loved were constantly telling her and showing her that she wasn’t good enough or that she wasn’t worth it. That she didn’t have a purpose. No one wanted to be with her or stick by her side because she was nothing.”

“Not to me.” Yeosang mutters.

“I know.” Jeongin looks at him. “I know you wouldn’t hurt her.”

“How, though? We barely met a few hours ago.” Yeosang smiles a bit.

“I just do. She’s kept all your pictures, I know she keeps checking her phone even though she got a new number and everything. She thinks about you a lot, and it’s obvious. I’ve seen her cry because she was hurt, but now I see her cry because she misses you and she’s not sure how to explain herself to you.” Jeongin tilts his head. “Do you still wanna be with her? I’ll keep this between us. I know time has passed and the way everything happened was so abrupt.”

“Of course I do. There’s nothing more that I want than to be with her. I’ve just been trying to be patient. I’ve been trying to wait and give her the space she needs because I respect her and care about her more than anyone knows. But, I don’t know how much longer I can wait.” The moment the statement slips from Yeosang’s lips, his heart falls to his stomach. He’s tired of waiting, and even though he doesn’t want this to end, he’s not sure what he’s waiting for anymore. Especially after the call. He just needs to see you. “She accidentally called me the other night during the party. I called her back and she picked up but she didn’t say anything on the other line. I told her she didn’t have to respond, but I needed her to know I was still here for her. Then, she just hung up.” Jeongin sighs.

“Can you meet her tonight? I’m sorry if that’s soon. I think it’s time.”

“How is that even gonna work? If she knows I’m there, she won’t see me.”

“She will. She doesn’t have to know. I can tell her I’m coming by for dinner and you can be there instead of me. Like, 6pm?” Yeosang nods. Jeongin grabs his phone and starts pulling up your text thread, immediately typing away.

“Wait, are you sure about this?”

“Mhm.” Is all he says as he sends the text. He shoves the phone towards Yeosang’s way, letting him see your response as it comes up on the screen.

[jeongin]: dinner tonight?

[you]: sure!

[jeongin]: i’ll swing by after i’m off. probably 6ish.

“She’s gonna be pissed at you.” Yeosang says and Jeongin shrugs.

“She won’t. It’ll be all good. Trust me on this. You two really need to talk.”

“Thanks. For this.”

“No need to thank me, seriously. I hope it helps. I just—“ Jeongin sighs. “I want her to be happy. I need her to know she deserves this happiness, too.”

“I want her to be happy, too. Whether that’s with me or not.”

“You know, when she used to call me back while she was in town, she used to sound so giddy and happy. Found out it was because of you being around. It made me happy hearing her talk the way she was talking. Always so excited to get on with her day and see you.” Yeosang gives him a tiny smile before doing a slight head tilt.

“Wait, so. She never told you my name or anything?”

“Nope. I don’t even know the names of her friends. Well, I guess, your friends now, too.” Jeongin looks up as if deep in thought before shaking it off and continuing to eat. “I don’t think she was trying to hide you or anything. I think she wanted to keep her two lives separate. I’m not sure why.”

“It’s alright.” Yeosang hopes he’ll hear the explanation from you directly, no matter how long it takes. He won’t push you to say it, but he hopes— he hopes you’ll take the initiative to tell him why.

“I’ll send you her address and the door code.” Jeongin slides his phone back over to Yeosang for him to put his number in. As soon as Yeosang hands it back, Jeongin sends him the address as promised. When Yeosang reads the preview on his phone, he almost lets out a hefty audible sigh at how close your new place is to his.

“She lives near me.” Yeosang says with a pathetic chuckle. He isn’t directing it to Jeongin, more so voicing his disappointment at how close you were. Yet, he wasn’t able to catch you once. Yet, you felt so incredibly distant, as if miles and miles were in between. “She’s been around this entire time and I didn’t even know she was that close.”

“I’m sorry. I really hope this fixes things. Or, is at least the start.”

“I appreciate it. A lot.”

“Well, you can always text or call me for anything now that you have my number. I’m here to help as much as I can.” Yeosang nods, watching as Jeongin finishes his food and sips the last of his water. “I gotta head back into the lab. Thanks again for taking your lunch with me.”

“Same to you.” Jeongin waves just as he stands to throw away his trash and heads back to his work. Yeosang, however, takes a moment to sit and sort through his thoughts; navigating through every scenario he can think of for tonight’s encounter. He wasn’t planning on doing this so soon, but he’s glad he has the opportunity to. He just wants to see you, even though he knows this will hurt. Even though he knows this won’t start off easy. He turns when he hears rain starting to pound against the window, wondering if the sudden downpour has some sort of hidden meaning, some kind of symbolism he should pay attention to behind everything happening.

He watches the rain and wonders if you’re okay. If you’re safe and dry. If you wore a jacket even though you despise wearing one so much because it ‘ruins your outfit.’

Time moves painfully slow, especially during the last few minutes of the workday. Yeosang has tried to keep himself busy as much as possible, even offering to take some tasks off of his coworker’s plate just to continue distracting himself. As soon as it’s time for Yeo to clock out, he bids farewell to his friends and speeds out of the building. The rain is still steadily pouring and he hates that he has to drive in this because it means there’s more traffic on the road that he’ll have to sit through. For once, he wishes he was wrong, because now, not only does he have to sit in traffic, but he has to sit in traffic alone with his thoughts. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing, though; the more he sits with his thoughts, the more he’s able to accept that whatever happens tonight is meant to happen.

Damn.

When he finally hops off the congested highway and exits onto a familiar street, he navigates through the roads before pulling into a small alley. It’s literally about ten minutes on the opposite end from where he lives, and if he wanted to, he could make this walk on a good day. The street you live on is quite narrow that he’s having to park behind a few cars up and walk down to the gate that leads to the entrance of the main house. He plugs in the code Jeongin sent him and steps in, following his direction of walking towards the side of the house to a door near the back corner. He can hear your soft music playing through the window and he has to swallow the lump that forms in his throat because it’s unreal he’s about to face you again after all this time.

Knock, knock, knock.

“It’s about time, I—” You tilt your head in confusion, suddenly feeling queasy when you don’t see Jeongin at your door and instead, you find Yeosang. Your heart drops to your stomach when you see his face. The damp hair strands sticking to his forehead from the rain. His damp button-up, raindrops painting a pattern across his shoulders. His deep brown eyes, long lashes. He’s the only true definition of love you’ve ever known, and he’s standing in front of you again after weeks have gone by. “Yeosang. W-what are you doing here?”

“Your cousin.” He places his hand on the door, hoping you won’t shut it close on his face. He really needs this right now— you both really need this right now. “I think we need to talk.” You’re not able to form any responses, so all you can do is quietly step aside to let him in. He steps out of his shoes and looks around your in-law. It’s awfully similar to your place back in town, and a wave of nostalgia hits him even though he’s here with you. Things just don’t feel the same though, and he hates it.

“How do you know my cousin?”

“We work together.” He looks at you when you finally come to his side and tuck your arms close to your chest.

“Oh.” Is all you manage to say. “You can leave your jacket on the chair. Do you need water—”

“Y/N.” He calls you firmly. “Stop.”

“Yeosang, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.” It’s the best thing you can come up with because you truly weren’t prepared for Yeosang to show up on your doorstep. It should be easy because it’s him. But at the same time, it’s difficult because it’s him.

“Why don’t you start by telling me why?”

“I’m sorry—”

“I waited for you. You told me you’d be there and you weren’t. You were here the whole time and you didn’t even try to come see me?”

“You won’t understand.”

“Try me.” He says, stepping closer. “How am I supposed to understand when you won’t even explain what’s going on?”

“I was scared.”

“Scared about what?” He has this look on his face and it screams every fear you’ve had, especially about your relationship. You know this is fully your own thoughts trying to ruin you, to become your downfall— but, still, you hate the way he looks at you and all you’re itching to do is run. “Y/N, I’m trying to understand. Tell me.” His voice is soft, calming. He can pick up on the feelings your exuding, the fear, the anxiety, and that’s not what he came here for. He came here to see you, to understand you, to listen.

“You.”

“What about me?”

“I was afraid you’d realize this wasn’t what you wanted. I mean, I’m all sorts of messed up. Full of baggage and insecurities. You’ll get tired and you’ll realize I’m not worth—”

“Woah, stop.” Yeosang shakes his head. “I’m gonna have to stop you right there. When have I ever showed you this is how I felt about you? Because it’s the complete opposite. I don’t care about all that because I wanna work through it with you. Not once did I ever think any of this wasn’t worth it, even until now.”

“You say that now!”

“I say that now and I’ll say it later, too!” Yeosang matches your tone. “Why would I do all of this if I wasn’t serious about you? I’d go through all of this with you—”

“I didn’t wanna put you through it because you deserve better—”

“You don’t get to decide that for me, Y/N!” Yeosang’s tone rises, and you almost flinch at how [understandably] angry he is right now. He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath, swallowing the lump in his throat causing his jaw to tick. “Why would you assume that about me? About us? Because you’ve been fucked up and damaged in the past? Aren’t we all fucking jaded in one way or another? Why would you compare me to him?”

“I’m sorry.” Your response falls to a whisper as you break into a sob. Yeosang is having to look away with his jaw clenched because he’s angry. He’s livid. But, he hates seeing you cry and he can’t stand it. “I got scared. I didn’t know if I’d be good enough for you.”

“You are always going to be more than enough.” He lets out a sigh. “I’m so sorry, I don’t think I should apologize for your ex’s shitty actions as much as I want to. I know he hurt you and that was fucked up of him to do. I’m sorry it still hurts you. But, I’m not him, Y/N. I will never be. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to make you feel like I would hurt you or make you feel like you were temporary to me. That’s hurtful. Everything you pulled—” His jaw ticks as he pauses and paces around the room, hand placed on his hip. “You have no fucking idea how hard it was. Not even just for me, but for your friends, too. Why? Why would you just leave? Why would you just leave me?”

❊ FLASHBACK

Yeosang lets out a deep sigh as soon as he parks his car. His body feels incredibly heavy, and he feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest. He’s sad, and it’s an indescribable type of sadness. He’s never been here before, and quite frankly, he doesn’t know how to navigate this.

He plops onto his couch, feeling incredibly defeated after waiting, and waiting. And waiting. His anxiety is through the roof when he calls your number over and over again, even though he knows where it’ll lead him— an automated bot telling him the number’s no longer in service. He’s tried everything and he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know if he should leave and search all over town for you, he doesn’t know if he should sleep this off and hope he’ll see a message from you in the morning.

He doesn’t know.

He grabs a coaster from his coffee table and tosses it against the wall out of frustration, digging his head into his hands when he can’t help but cry. He should’ve known this would happen. He should’ve known there was a chance you’d leave.

But he didn’t, and now he’s fucking hurt because he doesn’t know what to do. He loves you, and god, is it the most painful thing to dwell on right now.

He just doesn’t know.

❊ END

“All I ever wanted to do was take care of you and love you the way you deserved to be loved. If you didn’t wanna do this, you could’ve just said so.” Yeosang says softly. “We both didn’t have to go through this if you had just been honest.”

“Yeosang, it’s not that, I just—” But, you’re sorry because you didn’t mean to fuck this up entirely. You’re sorry because you probably lost the one person who genuinely cared and loved you for you. You’re sorry because you wish you knew better and you wish you had a better explanation. “I’m so sorry.”

“I think we both just need more time right now. More space. Maybe it’ll help you figure out what you really want.” He says softly, thumb coming to your cheek to wipe your tears away. As much as he hates leaving you like this, the both of you know it’s the best move. You’ll continue to cry and apologize, and Yeosang will succumb to everything. He’ll always be there for you, but at this point, he is no longer in control of the situation and needs you to come to him when you’re ready. You will need to realize on your own that he is with you, not against you. You will need to realize he is someone you can trust, someone who loves you more than words can explain. He’ll wait— he always has and he will.

“Don’t leave.” It’s so selfish of you to ask when you’ve done the complete opposite to him, but you can’t help it now that he’s in front of you. You wrap your arms around him and he holds you close, lips pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head to try and calm you down.

“I’m not. But, I can’t do this alone, Y/N.” Is all he says and it’s enough to show you just how much this means to Yeosang— how much you mean to him and what he needs from you. Because he’s right, he can’t do this alone. It isn’t a one-way street. As much as Yeosang is willing to be there for you, he’s not the one who has to make the change— you are.

He holds you for a good, long minute before he’s the first to break. He tilts your chin up gently, giving you a soft, sympathetic look because he hopes you understand him. Just as he does with you. He places another kiss on your forehead before he quietly steps into his shoes and leaves. The next thing you know, you’ve fallen to the ground, unable to control the sobs that come next. Even though he reassured you he wasn’t leaving, the entire thing felt completely unsalvageable. Like you lost a part of you, like this couldn’t be fixed.

“I can explain.” Jeongin immediately says when he picks up the phone, but he’s only greeted by your sobs and uncontrollable breathing.

“Please come, Innie.”

“On my way.” He quickly ends the call and leaves the shop he had been lingering around in. He knew he needed to stay alert tonight, and he knew he needed to stay close in case of whatever happened. Although you had been crying, he really hopes something good at

least came out of this— whether that meant starting over or giving each other time to breathe. He hopes it wasn’t too bad, but he has full faith in Yeosang. He would have only done what was best.

When Jeongin gets to your place, the door is still unlocked and you haven’t moved from your position on the floor near your tiny couch. You’ve got your knees tucked to your chest, head resting down on your knees; small cries muffled from the way you’re positioned. He doesn’t say anything when he throws his arms around you and keeps you close, letting you cry onto him until you’ve released everything you needed to release.

“What happened?”

“He left. He said we needed time.”

“I think you two do. You need to be honest about what you want, Y/N.”

“I just want him.”

“Then, why did you leave in the first place? Why did you try so hard to keep your two lives separate?” Jeongin asks.

“Because, it felt safer that way.” You retort. “Going to town was my escape from this reality. This reality where everything hurt me— my parents, him. I didn’t wanna mesh the two because I need something, some place, that could be my escape. My peace.”

“You didn’t need to, though. Nothing would have changed because we care about you. We would never let anything or anyone hurt you. I get that you wanted to keep things on the low or keep it separate, but if you had asked for help, we would’ve been there. If you needed a push to get over everything, some reassurance, we all would have been there. We care enough to not let you get stuck in one place.” Jeongin sighs. “Maybe it’s time you stop running from everything, or thinking that everyone is out to hurt you. Because look— I’m here because I care. Your friends here care. Your friends over there worried about you.” He pauses. “Yeosang.”

“I know. I hurt him.” You cry and Jeongin holds you close, slowly rocking you back and forth. “I hurt him so badly. He won’t ever forgive me. He won’t come back, he won’t forgive me.” You go on and on and Jeongin has to shush you to get you to stop, to get you to force those thoughts away. Yeosang wouldn’t.

He wouldn’t. He knows where he lies and that’s with you, no matter how long it takes.

“He will.” Jeongin continues to hold you. “Stop running away, okay? This is enough.”

❊ 6 MONTHS LATER ..

“Longest journey ever.” Wooyoung says, stepping off of the train. “And look who decided to finally fucking show up? Our driver!”

“Not your fucking driver.” Yeosang rolls his eyes after parking the car by the curb and helping his friends.

“The weather’s perfect here.” Jongho snaps some photos while Yeosang throws their bags into the trunk of Jungkook’s car.

“Assuming Chae didn’t wanna come?”

“Yeah. And guess whose fault that is, heartbreaker?”

“Jongho, let’s go. I’m leaving his ass here so he can get back on the train—” Wooyoung yells as he hops in the passenger seat and laughs.

“I’m sorry! I’m kidding! She has some family stuff going on, but she said hi and told us she’d text you to relay her birthday message to Y/N.” Yeosang nods. He’s a bit sad knowing one of his bestfriends wouldn’t be here, but he understood. At least, tried to. Things never recovered well after the night of the work party. They tried to be as normal as possible, but there was always some sort of weird, awkward tension between the two that they were never able to move past. It’s sad seeing it go from how close they were to how distant they are now. But, Yeosang will always consider her as one of his good friends, and he’ll always be there for her should she need him for anything. That doesn’t change a thing for him. “Speaking of Y/N, where is she?”

“Probably already drunk at the restaurant because you two decided arriving fashionably late was the best way to go.”

“I had to get a haircut, you dick. I’m not coming here looking like a hot mess.” Wooyoung snaps.

“Ah, on her best birthday behavior, though. Atta girl.” Jongho chuckles. “Did Innie, Ryu, Bin and San get here already?” Wooyoung asks as if he’s known them for years. But, when your friends and Yeosang’s friends finally met, they clicked and got along easily. It didn’t take long for them to mesh together, and you were happy it turned out that way. There was some tension between you and Chaerin, but unintentionally. Yeosang had told you about the night of the party, and it didn’t bother you as much as it did Chaerin. You tried to talk to her and reassure her that things were okay and that you weren’t mad, yet you also tried to give her space knowing how she felt about Yeosang. It was difficult, and she came around less; but, you respected her and her space. You weren’t gonna force her if she didn’t feel comfortable being around you, Yeosang, or the both of you together.

“Yeah, last night. Been a full house.”

“Fun! Can’t wait.” Wooyoung smirks, causing Yeosang to give him a look and Jongho to smack him on the side of the head from behind the passenger seat.

“Don’t even think about it.”

“What! We’re here to have fun, aren’t we?”

“Fun like birthday party yoohoo let’s toss confetti and dance around kind of fun. Not tussle in the sheets and break headboards with the entire house listening kind of fun.” Jongho laughs.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Wooyoung smiles.

“Please don’t.”

“Can’t promise!” He laughs, making Yeosang let out a loud sigh as he drives off to the Jungkook’s uncle’s house that he so graciously offered for everyone to stay at while he was away traveling. Yeo is happy to be back in town with everyone he loves to celebrate you— his baby, his everything.

When Yeosang gets to the house, he gives Wooyoung and Jongho some time to get settled and change into better clothes for the beach party. Everyone is already gathered at the restaurant and on the beach, the DJ all set up with food ready to go. By the time he brings Jongho and Wooyoung over, people from town have already piled in; the loud music and talking echoing into the night sky. Jungkook is the first to greet them, followed by Keeho, Mingi, Mina, Ryujin, Bin and San. Innie is accompanying you on the karaoke machine, causing Yeosang to laugh seeing you two already tipsy and singing loudly together. Everything is loud, somewhat chaotic. It reminds Yeosang of the bonfire and movie night, and how he didn’t know how to act when you initially invited him.

He’s sure as hell glad he just went.

❊ FLASHBACK

“Gonna stop by the restaurant again tonight? There’s gonna be a bonfire and movie night event. We’ll be serving beer and all that good stuff.”

“Tonight?”

“The flyers are everywhere, silly.” You point at a flyer posted on the pole behind him. “Come, it’ll be fun.”

“Mm, I’ll think about it.” You cock your head to the side and slightly pout. “Sorry, it’s just not my thing. I..” Yeosang lets out a breath as he scratches at the back of his neck. “I probably sound really lame. But, lots of people. Noise. Gets kinda overwhelming.” He shrugs.

“I understand.” You give him a tiny toothless smile. “That’s okay! I promise it won’t be too crazy, and it’s pretty chill. But, totally up to you.”

“Thanks for extending the invite.” You nod. “Any more water to carry in?” You laugh.

“Nope! Thank you again. See you around?” Yeosang nods, watching as you step into the restaurant and start helping the middle-aged lady inside despite her playful efforts of shoo’ing you away. Yeosang shifts his gaze to his two feet, kicking at the rocks beneath them before walking down the path to the grocery store. He’s kinda cursing himself for sounding so fucking lame in front of you. Lots of people? Noise? What was he thinking? It wasn’t necessarily a lie, though— he actually doesn’t like to be in crowded places for long, doesn’t really like to party or do bonfires, socialize for long periods of time with people he doesn’t know well. Is the type of person to join a team dinner for the free food but will be gone in the next hour or so. Will join a work party because he feels obligated to show face for at least an hour before rushing home to get in bed. But, he’s cursing himself because he is on vacation, exploring new territory and breathing in new scenery. He should have some fun. He should’ve tried a little harder to sound a bit more interested.

“Jesus, Kang Yeosang.” He mutters to himself before shaking his head and heading off to the grocery store to grab some necessities for the studio.

❊ END

“My man!” You squeal loudly just as the 100% score comes up on the screen for you and Jeongin, jumping onto Yeosang and clinging onto him like a koala. He laughs and rubs your back, gently setting you back down on your feet. “Where’s—” You scream when you see Wooyoung and Jongho emerge from behind after greeting your friends. You run past Yeosang and throw your arms around Wooyoung and Jongho, your voice and Wooyoung’s voice loud enough to overpower the entire crowd gathered around the restaurant.

“Cheers, my guy.” Mingi and Jeongin hand him a shot filled to the brim, tapping their glasses against his before they take it to the neck.

“She’s drunk already.”

“Good, as she should be.” Yeosang squints and makes a face when the shot settles and travels down his chest.

“Who is with me on the karaoke machine?!” Changbin yells, pulling Mina from the side and forcing her to sing along with him.

“Let’s go dance!” You drag Yeosang to the sand where others are dancing, including Jungkook, Ryujin, San and Keeho. Mingi, Jeongin, Wooyoung and Jongho follow along after catching up with a few shots, a cocktail in hand to wash off the icky tequila aftertaste. You, Yeosang and your friends sing along to the songs playing, in between dancing with each other and keeping the party hyped. From time to time, Yeosang will pull you away to get his one-on-one time with you— always hugging you close, even when he’s just playfully dancing with you or letting you work your ass on him.

It’s a good night, a fun one; just exactly how you imagined your birthday to turn out.

After all the dancing and drinking, you silently sneak away to pick at the finger foods and fill your tummy so that you can be at a good balance tonight. You pop a few more pieces of the sushi bake Keeho made before sipping on water and stepping off to the side of the beach, observing the waves from where the rocks sit high and scatter among the sand. Although it wasn’t too congested at the party, it felt nice to step away and take a breather on your own.

“Come here often?” You hear Yeosang from behind you, his hands tucked behind his back as he shyly watches you turn to face him.

“I do, do you? Heard the breakfast is good here.” He chuckles before wrapping his arms around you from behind, placing a kiss to your head.

“What’re you thinking about?”

“Just watching the ocean like we used to. Can’t believe we’re back here with everyone.”

“Back where everything started.”

“Mmyeah. Exactly.” You giggle, leaning back into his chest.

“Happy birthday, my baby.” He says softly near your ear before smothering your cheek with tiny, repeated kisses. “I wanted to give you your present.” You feel his hands come around you, draping the silver necklace around your neck. It’s a small heart, with an infinity sign intertwined in the middle. You gasp when he finally secures it around your neck, earning a small chuckle from your boyfriend.

“Wait, this is the necklace I’ve been secretly eyeing! How’d you know?!” You pout, tears forming on your bottom lids.

“You don’t have to cry, princess.” Yeosang laughs. “I just do. You think I don’t catch you going back to visit the necklace at that shop every opportunity you get?” You laugh.

“I love it.” You smile at him. “You’re the best.” You tippytoe to kiss him on the lips.

“I know.” You roll your eyes and shake your head, admiring the necklace in silence a little more.

“Sangie?” You break the silence and fully turn to face him, hands resting on the nape of his neck.

“Mhm?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?” He taps the tip of your nose, causing you to let out a small giggle.

“I just wanna say thank you for everything that you do for me.” He doesn’t respond. Instead, he dips forward to lock you in a kiss; his hands coming to squeeze at your sides. This, too, hadn’t been easy nor perfect, but he wouldn’t want it any other way.

❊ FLASHBACK

“Hey!” You smile through facetime, watching as Keeho, Mingi and Jungkook pile behind Mina in the shot. It had been about another month since your interviews wrapped up and you were offered the job at the aquarium [just as you had hoped]. A month since the encounter with Yeosang. A month since you finally left the past where it belonged in order to move forward.

“Okay, so she’s glowing!” Keeho laughs. “Whattup bae! How’s everything?”

“Good! I’ve been busy already starting my job at the aquarium.”

“Busy being our ‘lil aquarium worker.” Mingi laughs. “Congrats Y/N!”

“Knew your ass would get it!” Jungkook chimes in.

“Stop it.” You laugh, happy to see your friends all together at the restaurant. “Thank you, though.”

“We miss you.” Mina pouts. “I’m glad you called. It’s been different without you.”

“I’ll be back soon!” You reassure her. “I’ll visit, okay?”

“You swear?”

“Swear.”

“How’s everything been back home, though?” Jungkook asks.

“Mm, well. I finally talked to my parents after awhile. I think we’re okay for now. Definitely have things to work on because of how things have gone down between us in the past, but we’re okay.” You had just come from your parents house, and although you had expected the visit to be rough, it wasn’t as bad as you thought. There are still a lot of things you and your parents need to work on together, but today was a start. Your parents had told you how much they missed you and how much they worried about you, your mom being the first to apologize about everything that had happened in the past. You did tell them about starting a job at the aquarium, and they congratulated you. Your dad was still awkward about the entire thing, but you saw a side of him that you hadn’t seen in a long time today. He was softer. Happy to see you doing well and healthy. Genuinely congratulated you for taking those steps. A lot of his beliefs and values are still deeply rooted within him, but you think this might have served as a good learning lesson for him and something he could look back on. They were happy to have you back, happy to have you nearby. They were happy, and you were, too. It wasn’t gonna be an easy journey, and it wasn’t perfect, but you’ll take what you can work with and lift some weight off of your shoulders.

“What about Yeo?” You bite onto your botton lip.

“I’m gonna try and see him in a bit.”

“Gonna go get your man back?” You shyly nod, making everyone ‘aw’ in unison.

“Good. He’s good for you, and you deserve to be happy. Both of you.”

“I’ll let you guys know how it goes. I just wanted to call you and say hi.”

“You look good, Y/N. You look happy. Don’t lose that.” You giggle and nod.

“I’ll be back soon, yeah? I expect a whole ass party and a big group hug as soon as I step into that restaurant.” Keeho snorts.

“With what money?” You laugh.

“I’ll call you guys later.”

“Okay, be safe!” Jungkook says as they all wave. “Love youuuuuu!” They all say in their own sing-song ways before cutting the call. You send Jeongin a few texts to let him know how the whole thing with your parents went before letting him know you were on your way to try and see Yeosang. Although some time had passed, you were hoping he’d still be open to seeing you and talking to you about everything. The time surely helped, and you were willing to accept how things turned out— whether that meant starting over with Yeosang or being friends.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” Yeosang licks his lips, letting out a small huff after pausing his quick workout. He’s relieved to hear from you, and to be frank, he missed hearing your voice. He had been waiting for this moment, and even though the wait was excruciating, everything about you was worth it. He missed you.

“Can I come over so we can talk?”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll send you my address. It’s close to you.”

“Okay. I’ll be there in about 10 minutes or so?”

“Do you want me to come get you?”

“It’s okay. I’m already out, I’ll take a taxi over.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“Okay. See you soon, pretty.” You smile to yourself hearing the term of endearment from Yeosang even after all this time. His love pure, genuine— not ever coming short.

Your nerves are slightly getting to the best of you as you sit and wait for the pastries you ordered to be packed up by the staff member assisting you. When she hands over the boxes, you thank her with a smile and immediately call a taxi to head over to Yeosang’s place. You twiddle your thumbs and constantly smooth down the material of your clothes, nervous about how everything will turn out. The both of you have shared small texts here and there just to check in, but it was clear the two of you were trying to keep a good distance until things felt more settled. He wanted to give you time to work on yourself and figure things out on your own, even though he was fighting everything within him to do so. The amount of times he wanted to just call you, come to your house, kiss you and make love to you— tell you to forget everything that’s happened and to start over right then and there.

He always wanted to do right by you, even if that meant letting you go for a bit.

He tidies up his place even though there isn’t much mess to clean. He’s a simple guy, has little things here and there. Your photos, your shell sitting on his nightstand. He lights some incense and sets it at the corner of his living room to liven up his space. He’s in a simple fit after running to the grocery store, still clad in his black pants and charcoal-colored tshirt.

Should he have made something for you?

“Shit.” He says, trying to rummage through his fridge. But, he realizes it’s too late when he hears the bell go off and he’s having to buzz you into the building. Sooner or later, soft knocks come to the door and Yeosang is shaking off his nerves, letting out a breath. “Hey.” It comes off a lot smoother, more collected, than he expected. Goodjob, Kang Yeosang. Pat on the fucking back.

“Hi.” You give him that cute smile of yours just as you walk in and step out of your shoes, curious eyes exploring his place. “Wow, your place is so.. you.”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s nice. Perfect.” You chuckle. “Don’t worry.” You show him the small box in your hand. “I bring some pastries.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I didn’t have to, but I wanted to.”

“Are you sharing with me?” You nod and he smiles, setting it onto the coffee table as he plops down and sits next to you. His eyes quickly scan your outfit and how beautiful you look today. You don’t even have to try and it makes Yeosang’s heart soar. You're so fucking pretty.

God, he is so in love with you.

“What’d you do today?” He looks at you with the utmost attention and it gives you butterflies.

“Hm, I just ran a few errands and talked to my parents. Talked to everyone back in town.” His eyes widen.

“You talked to your parents? How’d that go?”

“Better than I expected. It’s not perfect, things still feel kinda awkward but it was good. We’re okay and I think we’ll be able to work through things over time. They congratulated me when I told them about the aquarium.”

“That’s good! I’m happy to hear that. You deserve it. Hope Keeho and them are doing well, too.”

“Thank you.” You smile at him for a little longer before you feel the heat rise to your cheeks. “Yeah, they are. What did you do today?”

“Grab groceries.” He scratches at his temple. “I—uh, I’m sorry I didn’t prepare anything beforehand. I didn’t think about it until it was too late.”

“It’s okay.” You giggle.

“So, have you been okay otherwise?” You shrug.

“I think? I’m doing better than before.”

“Good.”

“You?”

“I’ve seen better days.” You slightly pout.

“Sangie.” His heart does flips when you say his nickname that way, when you look at him the way you do. You scoot closer to him on the couch and he welcomes it, resting his arm against the back edge so you can slot yourself right in the opening. “Sangie, I’m so, so sorry.” You cup his cheeks and caress the surface. “I just got scared, and I’m so sorry for leaving.” You watch as he leans into your touch a little more. “I know I should’ve known better and I shouldn’t have ran in the first place, but it was the only safe thing I knew. I was so used to doing it that I didn’t even think about how it’d affect you or anybody else in the long run. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He lets out a breath, his hand coming up to hold your wrist.

“You know I’m here with you, not against you, right? I would never do anything to hurt you. I don’t care about what happened in the past, I don’t care what people have said about you. All that matters to me is that you’re taken care of and happy. That’s all I wanna do, and that’s all I wanna do with you.” He cups your cheeks and lifts your head slightly so that he can look at you, fully look at you, and take you in. “You’re everything to me and nothing about that will change, Y/N. No matter what.”

“I know, I know that.” You repeat. “I love you, and I’m sorry. I wanna do this with you, and I don’t want anything else. Only you.”

“We can take our time with this.” He places a gentle kiss against the palm of your hand. “We can take it slow.”

“Okay.” Your voice falls to a whisper.

“Me and you, yeah?” He asks for some kind of reassurance. You nod, crawling onto his lap to sit comfortably on him.

“Just me and you.” He gives you a small smile before gripping your chin gently and bringing you down for a kiss. It starts off strong, as if all the desire he had been holding in could finally be released.

“Missed you.” He whispers in between kisses, hands resting on your hips while his tongue slowly prods your mouth. “Missed you so fucking much.”

“Missed you too, love.” The kiss gets sloppier and sloppier; teeth clicking in a fit of need, tongues fighting over dominance.

“Need to move this to the room. Now.” Yeosang hisses. He swoops you into his arms in one swift motion, causing you to squeal as you hold him tightly around the neck. He tugs off your shirt and tosses it across the living room while making his way to the bedroom. You follow the same urgency, tugging on Yeosang’s shirt just as he places you down on the edge of the bed. He sheds it off and lets it fall to the floor, his hands now working on your pants to get you completely bare for him. He places kisses on every inch of your body that he possibly can— moving from your throat, down to the base of your neck, your collarbone. Chest. He leaves feathery kisses down your valley of breasts, hand coming up to massage your tit before working his lips, his tongue, around your perked nipples. You let out an audible gasp, back arching off of the bed as he finally pulls your pants down and lets them join his shirt on the floor. He tugs your panties down and doesn’t waste a moment to leave a trail of kisses along your inner thighs.

“Wanna take care of you.” He says deeply just as he lowers himself in between your thighs and kisses your folds, your aching nub. His tongue slowly laps in between your folds, teasing your entrance before kissing his way back up to your clit and focusing his efforts on getting you off. You let out a loud moan when you feel the tip of his tongue nudge at your clit a couple of times, spreading your slick and his saliva all over your pussy.

He kisses you, touches you, like he’s been starved for years.

Your grip on his head tightens, hips grinding against his mouth to relieve the friction you are so desperately chasing, needing.

“Oh, fuck— Yeosang—” You cry, overwhelmed by the sudden orgasm that comes crashing down on you. Your thighs close in on him as he continues to suck on your clit, keeping himself there until he feels your body settle in his grip; until he feels your hands loosen around his head. He bites onto his bottom lip as he gets himself out of his own pants, stroking himself while his eyes glaze over your entire body.

“So perfect for me.”

“Need you, Sangie.” You mewl, his dick feeling painfully hard in his own hand. He slots himself in between your legs, free hand making sure to keep your legs cocked open for him. He takes his cock and taps it onto your sensitive heat a few times, taking the tip in between your folds and nudging it against your clit. He lets out a loud groan when he feels how wet you are against him, no longer able to contain himself. “Please, babe.” You beg, feeling him run his dick down your slick once more before breaching your entrance; taking his time to fill you up until he bottoms out.

Everything feels like it’s happening at the speed of light, unable to relish in every second. But, you need Yeosang. You need him just as badly as he needs you.

You feel tingles run down your spine as Yeosang finds a steady pace, hands placed on your inner thighs so he can watch his cock slip in and out of you with ease. His moans are mixed with yours, bouncing off the walls of his room along with the sounds of skin slapping against skin. Him pounding into you like there’s no tomorrow, like he needs to make up for lost time and show you just how desperate he is to have you.

“Ugh, fuck.” He lets out just as he lowers his body and hovers over you; his pace fast, quick. “Does it feel good, baby?” He’s right by your ear, teeth gently nibbling at your ear lobe.

“Yes—s-so good.” You can barely respond. Your hands thread into the ends of his hair as he continues to position himself right at the crook of your neck, keeping him close. “Keep going, just like that.”

“My special girl.” He groans, nibbling at the surface of your neck. “Gonna give you everything.” He pants while pounding into you. “Shit— Y/N, baby—” He moans. “Where do you want me? Mm’gonna cum.”

“Inside. Please, please, please.” You continue to beg, working your own hips against him to relieve the ache you feel, craving every bit of him. The entire moment is so intense; powered with so much passion and need that you feel yourself tipping over the edge, ready to snap all over again.

“I love you so much.” He says against your lips before his brows knit together, face contorting in pleasure when he releases his seed inside of you. You reach your second high at the same time, back arching against Yeosang while he’s trying to bring himself back down from cloud nine. “That’s it, baby. Give it to me.” He breathes, hearing you whine in his hold— the aftershocks of your orgasm still surging through your veins.

“I love you.” You respond. It takes a few minutes before you’re able to open your eyes and regulate your breathing, Yeosang cooing you and whispering sweet praises against your skin before kissing your cheek. Lips. Then, he plops onto the mattress next to you, bringing you onto his chest to hold you close. Keep you there right where you belong. With him.

“Stay with me tonight?”

“Thought you’d never ask.” You tease with a giggle, hugging him tightly as you shut your eyes momentarily and take in all of Yeosang beneath you— his soft skin, his touch. His scent. “Sangie.”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I really missed you.”

“I missed you too. You have no idea.” He places a kiss on the top of your head, finger gently tracing shapes on your back to relax you.

❊ END

“Aye, birthday girl! We’ve got the cake out!” Keeho shouts from the restaurant. “Bring that ass over so we can sing happy birthday!”

“Anything for you, hm?” He playfully taps your nose before grabbing your hand and kissing the surface. “Come, let’s go see your cake.” Yeosang smiles down at you and gives you another kiss to the forehead before leading you to the cake table. He had worked with a bakery to get your favorite cake— a simple ½ sheet vanilla cake with strawberry coulis, fresh strawberries and vanilla meringue icing. It was a simple but beautiful cake, with baby pink hues and dried flowers decorating the surface. Jungkook sticks two skinny candles down the middle, apologizing with a giggle for the shortage and for assuming he had more sitting in the restaurant. The crowd cheers and loudly sings happy birthday together before it falls silent when it’s your turn to make a wish. Yeosang admires you from the side, looking at you with pure adoration when your doe-eyes light up and you blow the candles out. Mingi helps snap pictures and polaroids, shaking them in between before laying them near your cake for you to see. Just as you turn to Yeosang for a kiss, he instantly swipes some of the icing down your cheek and laughs— running away from your wrath before surrendering due to your cute [but deadly] pouts and whines.

“I’m sorry, love. I had to.” He laughs, wiping at your cheek with a wet wipe. “You’re so cute.”

“You’re lucky I love you.”

“I am lucky.” He winks, causing you to snort. He puckers his lips for a kiss before helping Jungkook cut the cake and pass the slices along to everyone in attendance. Mingi calls you over to show you the rest of the pictures he took, proud of the work he’s done capturing the best moments from tonight.

“Happy looks good on her. The both of you, actually.” Jeongin says as he steps next to Yeosang, watching as you and Mingi continue to look at the pictures and laugh loudly together. “I’m really happy you two worked it out and never gave up on each other.”

“I am, too. And I don’t ever plan on changing that.” Yeosang continues to admire you.

“Yeah? This is it?” Jeongin smiles.

“She is.”

"Thank you for taking care of her." Yeosang returns the smile before diverting his attention to you as soon he hears you calling him over.

"Baby! Come look at these pictures!" You wave them up in the air happily. Now, you can add a few more polaroids to your collection— ones that have all your loved ones in one place. Ones of you and Yeosang. He can continue to add a few more sea shells to his night stand, ones picked by yours truly. And as far as he knows, he can continue to watch the waves crash against the shore with you. He can continue to grab the stars and place them in your hold just so you know what it feels like.

He can continue to shower you with love, give you all the flowers. This time, they won’t reach the floor. Because he has you, will always have you;

You— the purest, most raw, genuine definition of love, a flower he’ll continue to water and grow.

Blossom.

❊ taglist: @frzzenfrxg @syubseokie @asjkdk @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr

#yeosang fanfic #yeosang series #kang yeosang fanfic #kang yeosang series #yeosang x reader #yeosang x y/n #ateez imagines #ateez fanfiction #ateez scenarios #kpop imagines #yeosang smut #yeosang fluff #yeosang angst #kang yeosang smut #kang yeosang fluff #kang yeosang angst #kang yeosang x y/n #hwaslayer: flowers on the floor

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2smolbeans · 1 month

Note

im in the mood for some angst ............. 🐺🐺🖤anyways can u do how any of the brothers would react if they originally were only dating mc for a bet but then after a couple months of dating they actually grew feelings for mc but then mc found out it was for a bet

Ouch that's cold..Anyways here are some thoughts I had based on that lool XD Thank you for the request!

*Bonus, Mc is a demon/sinner in hell and ofc cause this is a yandere blog- there a yandere twist:

Edit: I tried and the writing is kinda cringey lol -- This took so long aahfajnvsk-

Dating for a Bet..

Yandere: Mammon , Leviathan, x Sinner/Demon Mc

Tags: Mentions of Admiral Levi, Casino owner Mammon, angst, stalking, toxic behavior idk, reader referred to as 'you', fem reader for mammon and male reader for Levi, blackmail, power imbalance/dynamics, major world building that isn't canon but my own head canons, takes place in the 80s or 90s, kinda cringe writing, this went unedited, also I wrote a lot of words.

Mammon:

It was a wild night for the avatar of greed. The night was young and he was relishing in the chanting hype of praise. As the owner of Devildom's hottest casino, all eyes were on him as he held the cards in his hands- face to face with an old powerful witch. He couldn't lose, he was confident that he had all the right cards on his deck. He looked at his cards, and then at the powerful sorcerer who had a crowd of witches surrounding her. She looked at him with a knowing look, smirking. "Avatar of greed, I want to make a deal" Mammon rested his chin against the palm of his hand, still holding his cards. "Mhn, sure. What are the terms?" She smiled, placing down a card. "If you win, I give you 15,000 grimm, my collection of ancient jewels, gems, and gold. As well as a custom potion for extra good measure." His ears perked, Mammon was sold the moment jewels and gold were mentioned. "Deal" the witch laughed as she heard his forward answer. "You won't even question the loss?" Mammon couldn't help but smirk, looking at the demons behind him who snickered. "Me? Lose? Yeah, we'll see" And soon enough, the avatar of greed would swallow his own pride.

He lost, and swiftly too. He couldn't help but be impressed, but also ashamed to have lost in his own casino. Groaning, he threw down his cards while everyone cheered for the witch. He could hear the smugness in her voice as she spoke. "So..It seems like I have won. You know what that means" "Yeah yeah, I gotta admit it. Ya sure beat me! Alright lets get this over now" "Now wait, come with me."

He was confused at first, but then quickly brushed it aside as he stood up from his seat. The avatar of greed and the powerful witch were now alone in a booth area, demons dancing in the background as music echoed. She leaned in close, speaking in his ear. "Black dress with the slit on the leg. The one with the shiny gold chains. I want you to talk to her. Go out with her for a bit, show her a good time. She's a very nice girl." "What?!" "Take her out on a date or two. Nothing serious." Mammon looked at you from a distance, watching you stand there awkwardly in the crowd. "Her?!" "Yes! We shook on it and I won. So go on!"

Mammon was a demon of his word, and he was all about fair game. So, he walked up to you, leaning against the wall while you held your drink. "Hey, you new here?" You laughed, looking at the avatar of greed. "That's one way to open up a conversation around here" "Hey hey, I'm just being friendly. No ulterior motives!" Mammon exclaimed, putting his palms out to defend himself. "Pffft, uh-huh, okay. Sure thing my lord~" you giggled, rolling your eyes.

It was all a blur for Mammon, next thing he knew, the both of you were out of the casino. He had taken you out to the city, walking around as the night life was alive. You talked, and he honestly wasn't paying attention- more focused on the jewels that glistened on you. "So, Mammon.. How are you?" Huh? Oh, right. Mammon thought, snapping back to reality. "I'm aight, just enjoying this right now.. So, you have a boyfriend? Girlfriend?" You laughed, putting a hand on your mouth out of embarrassment shortly after of how loud of a laughter it was. "Sorry- no I don't. Currently single right now. Why? You interested?" Mammon smirked, snaking an arm around your shoulders. "What if I am?" You let out a snort, feeling your face heat up. "I mean.. Okay? I don't know?? Are you serious?" "Of course! I'm serious. I mean is it wrong for a guy to shoot his shot at a pretty girl like you?" "I mean.. No? But me? Are you sure? Wait, is that why you..?" "C'mon, one date. I take you out, wine and dine ya, and at the end of we part our ways. No pressure, I ain't in love or anything" You stop for a moment, and he stops with you. You give his offer a thought, and for a moment you think of rejecting him. But looking at THE Mammon, you knew this was a once in a lifetime offer. "Y'know what? Fuck it, yes!" "Now that's the spirit! Cool! Here lemme give you my number.. I'll figure out something. Now, where do ya live? I'll fly you there"

He took you on two dates, all of them being a foggy memory to him. You were happy with him during all of them, in disbelief that the Mammon himself was giving his time and attention to you. You enjoyed those small dates, even if it wasn't extravagant. After the 2nd date, you knew that it was over, it was fun while it lasted. It was a casual fling, and you didn't expect one of the rulers of hell to settle down for some witch. But two weeks later, he came back..

With flowers in one hand and a luxury gift box in another, Mammon was outside your door. There was a genuine look of awe in his eyes, like he was smitten by your shocked expression. "Mammon..?" "Hey princess, say.. Ya wanna go out?" "Aww..Mammon, you're so sweet but.." There was a panic in his eyes as you trailed off. "O-Oh, how come?" "No no! It's not anything. It's very sweet of you..It's just that I have to run errands today. Some woman wants a special spell to curse her cheating husband sooo..Y'know? Duty calls!" He felt the weight in his chest lift as you explained your situation to him. "Ah..Well..You want any help-" "Fucking yes please come in"

Without a struggle, Mammon was able to help with the creation of the spell. With no hesitation, he spoke in an old demonic language, nothing you ever heard of with such fluency. He wrote down the words on a notepad you've given him, passing it to you once he was done. "Here's the most simplistic English version. The abbreviations y'know?" You looked at the paper, laughing in amazement. With gratitude, you hugged him without a thought. "Oh my fucking- Mammon I love you so much! Ugh fuck! I could just kiss you!" It didn't take long for you to process what you had said to the avatar of greed. Blushing, you awkwardly step back. "Uh, oh, sorry. That was a bit.." "Why don't ya?" You were taken a back. "Huh..?" He stepped closer, leaning close to your face with a dazed expression. "Why don't ya? I deserve some gratitude don't I?" It started off with a small peck. You were quick to kiss him on the cheek, your face turning red. Mammon chuckled, teasing you. "Aww babe, you call that a kiss? C'mon, lemme show ya what a real kiss looks like.." things got heated the moment his lips pressed against yours. He was selfish, not allowing you to move your head away, even if was for a short breath. He didn't bother letting you take the lead, ignoring your small pleas of letting you calm down. It was overwhelming, possessive, and amazing to say the least. You're laying on his chest, your skin bare against his, your head moving as he breaths in and out. "I think I love you.." Mammon admits. "I think I love you too.." you sighed, closing your eyes as you cuddle into him.

Like a crow attracted to a shiny coin, he couldn't tear his eyes away from you. You made him go feral. Was it your looks? Not really. He's seen more people attractive than you. Power? You were just a typical witch. Your voice? He didn't know, but it never failed to make him melt into a puddle. Was it the way you gifted him things, shiny jewels that had him in thought? It definitely had to be when you praised him, or how addicting it was when you purposely wore bold lipstick, kissing him on the cheek, smirking how he was yours.

Whatever spell you put on him, it worked. Cause now he was head over heels for you. Head over heels to the point he followed you around, always conveniently popping up with a smile. So in love that he often takes a few things of yours that you consider junk as his treasures. He's so genuinely hexed by your existence that he can't help but feel agitated whenever you don't pay attention to him for as long as he wants. Especially when you're talking to someone else. God does he just want to bust their head open for prying your eyes away from him.

Your relationship with Mammon is smooth. He spoils you with his love and attention, though when it came to the materialistic aspects- he was a bit of a cheapskate. You didn't put it against him though, it was in his nature. Mammon was kind of in disbelief to say the least. He never thought he would've been deeply in love with a simple witch in hell. It started off as a stupid bet! Hell during those first 3 dates with you, he rolled his eyes and smirked whenever people asked if he actually loved you. He had multiple girlfriends, boyfriends, and partners in the past, but he never thought of the long term future with them. But with you. Oh, did the thought pop up here and there. Who would've thought that the boring chick he had to date from a shameful loss would be the love of his life.

But, that would all come crashing down the moment you stopped smiling. You were distant, passive with him whenever he'd speak to you. He'd ask you what was wrong, and you'd brush him off. He'd ask again, knowing you were lying, and you'd deter him. He'd persist at you, and eventually you cracked. "I heard from my fellow witch sisters about you.." You admitted, not looking at him. "I'm surprised he went that far! They said.." His heart dropped, fearing the next words you were about to say. "I was a bet, a joke. " He could see in your eyes of how used you felt. "Baby honey..No I promise. You were not a joke. I love you! I really do! You're everything to me" You laughed, looking saddened. "When did you start liking me? He was quick to answer, holding your hands as he looked into your eyes. "Our third date when I realized you were the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me" You looked at him, listening. "You're my treasure, I love ya. Please, please understand me" You wanted to believe him, you wanted to fully give into him, kiss him and promise to start fresh. But, you couldn't get past the knowledge knowing he had only talked with you because of a bet he lost from your mentor. It was a punch to the gut, it really hurt. I mean who were you kidding, THE Mammon himself actually settling down with a witch like you? It was a wakeup call, a much needed one. It was probably for your best, and possibly own safety. Afterall, the worse they were, the higher the title. It's always been like that. And Mammon was a demon at the highest of highest of titles, no one but the royal king and his servant could get past that. "I'm sorry Mammon, I think I need some time.." "W-What, why?! You know I love you, c'mon please don't do this to me" he begged, his voice rising with desperation as you stepped away. "Mammon, you gotta understand how I feel. Our first 3 dates, I did everything to make you like me. I was so glad that you even looked at me! I gave you my all, just to find out it was for nothing." "But it wasn't! Why aren't you listening to me?!" You sighed exasperated, turning away from Mammon, briefly spacing yourself away from him. "Mammon I'm trying okay? Just please, leave me alone" He begged, going on his knees, looking into your eyes panicked. "Baby don't leave me, please we can make this work. I love you, YOU love me! Please you love me don't leave me-" he repeated his pleas like a prayer, a desperate cry as he looked into your eyes, reading your thoughts of leaving him. Disturbed, you knitted your brows and cringed, unsure of what to do as the avatar of greed cried at your feet. It would be worse to deny the powerful demon lord when he was already uncontrollable, so you knelt to him, trying your best to comfort him, even if it costed your comfort. "I'm not gonna break up with you Mammon, I promise.. I just need some time alone" Your words seemed to convince him since he had wiped his tears and calmed his breathing. "Do you still love me?" You took a deep breath. "Of course I do"

He left you alone for a few days after that incident, respecting your wish. You would've never thought that the second born sin would be so sensitive and fragile. It broke your heart seeing Mammon vulnerable that day, of course you still loved him. It's why you called him after a few days, feeling your heart flutter when he looked at you with high spirits when you asked him on another date. Ever since that confrontation, Mammon was more clingier than ever. Always having an arm wrapped around your shoulder, his face often close to yours. It was obvious Mammon was insecure about his relationship with you, even if he seemed confident and the same careless Mammon. You loved him, but it was hard to get over the fact that you were only with him because of a bet, and Mammon knew. He could read you like an open book, and with the way you were more reserved around him, he knew you were still not over it. He became intense, you thought maybe this was a rough patch, that this awkward awful feeling would pass, but it didn't- it got worse. You were slowly falling out of love and more or so with Mammon out of fear and pity. It wasn't helping that Mammon was starting to get more demanding.

Buy him gifts, go out with him, 24/7 you were always by his side and it was draining. He would spoil you, lavish you in the prettiest of jewels, calling you those special names you loved like his "precious gem", "treasure" and the what not. He treated you better than before, spoiled you if anything. But it never won you over, unfortunately, you lost interest in Mammon ever since you confronted him. You asked your fellow sisters for advice, and in response they laughed at you. "Mammon? Oh honey he'll be fine. You know how many he's dumped or moved on from? Just break it off nicely and I'm pretty sure he won't send you to the nine circles or chop your head off! He's the chill one y'know? Unlike.. Well yeah" after hours of talking and reassurance, you got the courage to talk to Mammon.. and break things off. Surprisingly, it didn't go bad as you thought it would.

He just looked at you, not saying a word, not really showing if he was sad or angry. He accepted it and left. You thought that things were finally over, that your relationship with Mammon was one of those things that would happen once and that you could brag to others as a life time experience. But, once again, were wrong. Trapped in a room where Mammon had kept you, surrounded by the shiniest jewels and luxury pillows. A strong magic kept you from leaving the room, you couldn't leave, even if you tried to cast any spells to let you out. There was a painful ring on your finger, a golden ring. Taking it off was painful, it left your body burning, twisting, heavy and dizzy with pain. You couldn't take it off, and from what you were told, the ring was skillfully crafted by Mammon to have him always connected with your body and mind. How did you get here? You really don't remember, but you knew it was at least a month after you had cut off Mammon. He was constantly on you, his body always next to yours, his eyes always drinking you in, his voice often asking of you. He was greedy for your attention, eager for your affection. And when you didn't give it to him, he simply touched the ring on his finger, and suddenly, you were at his beck and call from the pain. You didn't kiss him when he went to get something, even though he's told you so many times of how much he needs you to always love on him. Your head was now pounding and screaming from the sensation of your ring finger searing from the metal that began to burn. But even when that wasn't enough, Mammon knew how to push the dial even further. Constant grabbing, unwanted kisses, demands for gifts and affection, Mammon was unsatiable. Even if you didn't give it to him, he would take and take from you either way. Everyday he expected at least more than a dozen kisses, a gift in hand for him, and for you to be on your hands and knees, ready to give him what he wants. You tried fighting back, only for it to end up with bruises and an exhausted tortured mind.

It broke his heart whenever you cried, what he was doing to him tore him to pieces. It was torture whenever he saw you cower away, when your once love filled eyes bore into his with such hatred. But he doesn't know how else to keep you willingly by his side! He tells himself. Maybe he's just that fucking stupid that he can't think of anything else, the doubts in his head and your cries convince him so. You were innocent in this all, and he hated admitting it. You were at no fault, yet he keeps you prisoner and punishes you as if you were. He knows he should let you go, but the ugly side of him doesn't care to. It's a battle with himself. He wants to indulge in his sick insecure desires, his mind brainstorming of what more he wants from you. There's a side of him that just wants things to go back to what they once were, and he believes they will! A side that just wants to erase your memories and start again. But he doesn't want you to forget the memories..

Eventually you complied, too defeated to fight back. It was useless fighting against one of the most powerful demons in hell, let alone one of the rulers. No one was going to save you, and Mammon made it clear he wasn't going to let you go. You'll never love him the same way you did before. You won't smile or have those witty comebacks whenever he does something dumb. You won't kiss him willingly, comfortably snuggling into him. Things won't be the same anymore, there was no going back. But what was he expecting having pure love in a place like hell? It was either doing things his way, or letting you go, something he couldn't bare to do. You'll come around eventually though. You'll love him how you loved him back then. People change. He knows this, you changed him after all.

Leviathan:

You were a typical sailor in hell's navy. Like everyone else, you were once a man on earth, sinned a bit too much, never once repented or prayed to the almighty to forgive you, died, and ended- luckily- in Devildom instead of the nine circles of hell for eternal punishment! You were considered one of the lucky sinners. As one of the lucky sinners that were judged by hell's judges, you were given an opportunity to avoid eternal damnation. Gather souls, torment humans, or contribute to Devildom's society. If you served no purpose for Devildom's progress or sustainability, you were going to be sent to hell, as in actual hell, to burn. So with only 6 days that you were given to choose a role or position in Devildom, you chose to join hell's army. You died a military man on earth, so you had some experience, and it was really the only job position that seemed to be eager to take in any new recruits. After following the advertising signs for joining the military, specifically the navy, you eventually found your way to the base. It was awful navigating through Devildom and it's large confusing environment. Demons speaking various languages that were both human and non human, the streets busy, the landscape unfamiliar and dangerous. Eventually, when you stumbled into the military base, you were swiftly sorted out. You never knew hell would be so similar to earth with how the process with the lady at the desk began to sort out the papers and things for you to sign. Devildom citizenship, an ID card, and the what not, the demon lady was nice enough to get it all done within a reasonable few hours. "So I see your new here, now I must ask, why this job out of all places?" you laughed. "Ma'am to be honest, I saw the sign and figured why not? I used to be in the navy back when I.. Well, was alive. So I have experience" She laughed back, laughing at your naivety. "Oh, but this is different, nothing like back home. Trust me, for a newbie here, I'd look somewhere else" You don't want to take the risk of finding somewhere else. You only had 6 days to figure out a position in hell and you were not gonna take any chances trying to wander around to beg for a job that wasn't guaranteed. So you persisted, the lady gave you the papers, and you signed the papers with your soul now tethered to the contract. You skimmed through some of the sentences, not fully reading the paper.

'Soul.. Admiral Leviathan.. At own risk ... Signature of navy worker below'

You were never the type to read contracts, so you signed the papers, sealing the deal. The lady at the front desk clicked her tongue. "It's settled then! Now what size are you for shoes and clothes?" You told her your size and she wrote it down, waddling to the door behind her before coming back with a dark navy blue sailor uniform. "Your Devildom citizenship will arrive in your room in one of the barracks in 2 days. You will start your shift once you get your ID and schedule." You grabbed the map that was provided, the bag that had your sailor uniform, and stood up. "Thank you, you were really kind" She waved her hand dismissively. "Nah, I'm just doing my job. Now before you go, word of advice" you looked at her, listening intently. "Do not piss off the captains, ESPICALLY the admiral. Whatever he wants or says, you do it, no questions asked." You nodded your head, acknowledging her warning. "Good, now good luck. You're gonna need it"

With all your belongings, you made your way to your barracks, looking around your surroundings. You noticed the different variants of demons that worked in the naval base. Aquatic demons working in the waters, repairing damages to the outer layers of the smaller ships, flying demons fixing radios and tending to electrical duties. They were clearly experienced and seemed a lot bigger and more.. You couldn't properly explain it. Confident? Comfortable? It was clear that they blended in with the environment while your meek personality stuck out like a sore thumb. Finally finding your room, you noticed a bunk bed. Guess you had a roommate that was off to his duties. Eventually, when you had your ID, you began to work in the navy as an entry level sea man. Preforming maintenance, reporting to your mates on watch, you got the hang of living in Devildom and the navy. Hell, you even got used to your new demon anatomy. But working as a newbie in hell was torture. As the new demon in hell, or what your fellow sailors like to call you- "Fresh meat"- you were constantly harassed and hazed. Belongings stolen, body beaten, insulted at any moment, it became the norm. One day you were on one of the ships, sweeping the floors, the typical. Then one of the bigger sailors- Dallas- grabbed you by the shoulders and spun you around. You flinched, expecting a punch to the face, but he only pressed your back against the wall. Keeping you pinned, he was up in your face, mocking you, grabbing a fistful of your hair as he hurled insults as the men around him laughed. It was expected, but what wasn't expected was when he grabbed your tail, playing with it softly. "Hmn, you just grew into your new body aye? How does this feel?" you shuddered, uncomfortable as his hand tightened around the thick base. "Hey, answer me" you squeaked, shaking at the weird intense foreign sensation. "Weird. Really weird. Look man can I just-" "Shut the fuck up." You immediately tighten your lips shut. The demon stayed quiet for a bit, observing the way your tail twitched and moved. He sighs, letting go with a smile. "Alright, go on with whatever"

The relief washes over your body as Dallas seems to step away from you, uninterested. You let out a shaky breath, closing your eyes until-

RIIIIIIIIIIPPP

In a flash you're on the floor, letting out a wheezy gasp as the scream escapes your body. Pain shoots from your lower back, the audible squelch and soft drop of something clear to your ears. Crying you gasp for air, the raw pain shooting up your spine. He ripped your tail, the fucker ripped your tail. Dallas laughed at your misery, crouching down. "Awe, damn.. Not a clean rip.. There's still some chunks.. Oh my god ew it's still moving?! Hey, how does it feel?" The pain was intense to the point you started seeing dots in your vision and the bile in your stomach forcefully excreted out from your heavy hyperventilating sobs. "Helloooo? Aye man you might wanna get that cauterized or something at the infirmary" He's still poking at you, poking his boot against your stomach. "Really? What's next? Gonna piss your pants? You're such a pu-"

"DALLAS"

A roaring voice interrupts. You try to turn around and see the source from the voice, but you can only lay as you writhe with your ripped tail on the floor. You hear three voices talking. Dallas, the main captain, and another man you haven't met. The captain groans, scolding the other sailor. "Are you kidding me?! We are running low on workers and you- you do this?! I don't even.." You can't see properly since your on the floor, but the other man in the large cloak puts his palm out, silencing the two. You hear footsteps, and you try to turn your head to see what's going on. "Dallas, am I not giving you enough work?" you could see the demon shrink, holding his two hands together. "No sir." "Then why are you messing with the new workers? Do you understand how low staffed we are?" "Yes sir." The man he was referring to as sir was a tall indigo haired male that wore a hat, cloak, and a specially tailored uniform adorned with badges. You were definitely sure this was the higher boss or at least the highest ranking captain. With how everyone kept their head low and how your main captain stepped back and quiet, you were certain of it. "Then stop acting like a pathetic teenager and leave them alone. Or are you too weak to pick on the older workers? Tell me. Why is it only my newer workers?" You could feel the humiliation coming from your bully as his voice became more anxious the more the uniformed man spoke. "I-I am sorry sir. I got carried away" The indigo haired male in the hat sneered, questioning him with a quick stern voice. "Do you like destroying my things? Does it give you some satisfaction fucking with my things?" Now it was Dallas's turn to squeak. "N-No sir! Absolutely not!" With an annoyed chuckle, the man commanded an order. "Come here." and he followed the order. "You touch him again, or any of my new workers, and I'll send you to circles to rot. I'll do it in a snap and you won't ever know the taste of fresh air ever again. Do you understand me?" In a quiet whisper, Dallas's voice tremored. "Yes sir.." With a chuckle, the cloaked man patted his shoulder. "Good. Now, stand him up for me"

Dallas carefully grabbed you, lifting you up by your feet- or at least trying to. You were limp from the weakness and throbbing agony that was all over your body, so moving you around was like dead weight. "A real low bar for you to go for the tail as well" The indigo haired captain tsked, his own tail swishing back and fourth on the floor. "Give him to me", you were shimmied over to the tall male, resting against his broad chest while his arm kept you standing. "Now. Go back to work. Get out." And he scurried off, leaving you alone with the man and your other captain. You close your eyes, drifting off from the exhaustion. With your blurry vision you could see the annoyance coming from his voice as he murmured to your captain. "...I swear I leave..A day.. And shit like.....happens.. I'm not a..... Babysitter.."

You pass out. You don't know how long you've been out for, but when you woke up you could hear the beeping of a monitor machine. You were at the infirmary, and when you regained conscious, you saw the IV attached to you. "You're awake" You whipped your head, only to get whiplash. You groaned, trying to soothe the pain. "Take it easy, you've been out for a while." You adjust yourself, sitting up, you get a good look at the man. Indigo hair, peaked cap, and the large dark royal cloak- you recognized him. "A-Ah, sir! It is.. Uhm, nice of you to be here?" You had no idea what to say, you didn't expect anyone to be waiting on you. "Thank you. You're a fresh soul.. It's been a while seeing those in my navy" You let out a low hum. "Mhn..." You shuffled a little, using your butt a bit to move further against the pillows, only to gasp as the agonizing pain rips through your body. You clutch your chest, trying to calm yourself down. "Woah there, don't move" He approached you, placing you softly on your side. It felt a bit better since you were laying on your back earlier, putting most of the pressure onto the nub. "T-Thank you.." He observed you, eying you up. "Do you feel any knots around the spine area?" You breathed out with a gasp. "It still hurts.." "From 1-10, tell me" "Ugnn.. An 8.." He let out a 'hnm' in response, now removing the sheets from your body. "It's going to hurt, so hold my hand." You followed his order, grabbing one of his hands while his other hand traveled towards your back. Near the base of your tail that connected with your spine, he pressed his fingers against the area. You hissed at the prickling sensations shot up through your entire spine. Your grip tightened as the man kept massaging the area, biting your lip as an attempt to hold yourself back from accidentally breaking the man's hand. "You don't need to hold back, you're not hurting me. You can't hurt me. Grip as hard as you need to, you're gonna need to brace yourself" Your eyes widened, panicked you gripped tighter as you began to breath heavily. His hand was now resting at the agitating large bump on your tailbone.

"1.."

You feel the anxiety begin to twist in your chest.

"2..."

He eyes your expression carefully, almost feeling pity.

"3"

With a swift push, he punches the red bump, pushing the bump back into your body with a loud pop. You gasp, frozen as you instinctively cling onto his hand. With tears streaming down your eye, you try to adjust to the burning in your spine. "Breathe in and out.. That's it.. I know it hurts.." he sympathized, speaking softly. "Because the bastard ripped it out like a barbaric child, this part, the bone, will dislocate here and there. It'll stop once it heals and regrows. But for now, you're gonna have to punch it in whenever it does that. You groan, now letting go of his hand. "It'll hurt less the more you do it. Now, how do you feel?" You wipe the tears from your eyes. "Surprisingly better.." He smiles, sitting back down on the chair that was next to your bed. "Good. How long have you been here for?" You take the sheets, covering your body again. "2 weeks..." He pulls his chair closer to you, wanting to engage. "Ah, alright. Do you know who I am?" "No sir.. Sorry" "It's okay, it makes sense. Well, I am Leviathan. I control this entire fleet, I am your admiral. You look after my navy, and I look after you"

Leviathan? As in the mythical sea monster? "Oh, so you are.. The Leviathan?" He finds your lack of knowledge in him to be quite endearing. "Yes, and in biblical terms, or more accurate terms, I am envy. I am the 3rd born sin, and I oversee one of the districts here. Any more questions?" You were speechless, not expecting to be face to face with the most powerful demon in hell. "N-No. Not at all sir. Thank you for telling me that.. I had no idea" His curiosity picks at him. "Oh really? How come?" you shy away, not wanting to offend Leviathan. "Well, no offense sir.. I was always an atheist. I didn't believe in the bible or anything. I only really heard of you based on an old kids myth.." An atheist? How adorable! Leviathan thought. "And what was that myth?" You paused for a bit. "Uhh.. Well uh.. The myth was that at 3am, you looked for anyone swimming in the lakes.. And then drowned them if you saw them.." Meh, not totally accurate, but it was close to an old hobby he used to do which was drowning sailors. "Ha! Did your parents tell you that?" "...Yeah"

Well isn't that just precious? He wasn't the type to smile over a conversation, but you somehow curled the corner of his lips upwards.

"Rest up. Take 5 days off, and report back to me on your tail. I'll see you then"

He stands up, and he leaves. Something about that touched you a bit, left you pondering and in awe. You weren't in love or anything, but he left you smitten. You spent most of your days in your room, resting up, taking medicine, and eating whenever you went to the cafeteria. Your bunkmate would mind his own business, glancing at you here and there before going out. He eventually decided to make himself known. "I'm Neil." He said abruptly, holding out a tray while you laid on the top bunk. You groggily turned, looking at the brownette. "Oh?" "These are for you" You look at the tray, an apple, muffin, and some soup. You just stare, not taking the tray. "Oh uh.. These aren't poisoned or.." He trailed off as you stared more at him, unconvinced. "Okay here's proof" He took a bite out of everything, and a sip from the soup. "There see! Not poisoned." You cringed, trying to be nice as the man took a bite out of nearly everything. "Ahh, thanks.." You sit up, taking the tray. "Hey uh, you don't have like.. Any poison or acid in your salvia right?" He looked confused for a moment. "Uhh.. Ohh nope! Not that kind of demon" "Alright thanks" You say, not really caring before taking a bite out of the already bitten muffin. "So uh, how's the tail?" "How do you know about the..." "Medicine. And the bandages on the table.. And the fact that you've been sleeping on your side for the past 4 days, duh" "Righht.. I mean it's getting better. Tomorrow I think I start working again" He stands on his mattress, grabbing onto the edge of the bunk bed to be somewhat at your level. "Damn, really?" "What do you want?" You're quick to cut the bullshit, speaking swiftly, you question him. He looks a bit taken a back. "Oh, just curious about my new bunkmate, that's all!" Right.. You don't believe him, but you continue to talk to him. You learn that he's been in the navy for at least 44 years, and that he died in the 70s. Cool.

The next day rolls and you climb out of bed. Brushing your teeth, changing your bandages and putting on your uniform, you put on your shoes. Opening the door, you're left confused as you stare. It wasn't the hallway of the barracks, but an office. Before you could run back into your room, something shoves you out and the door closes behind you. You turn to look for the door, but it's no longer there. You walk, looking around your surroundings. Medals, harpoons laid around as decorations, and large tanks with various small colorful marine creatures. "Over here" You hear his voice, and you immediately walk towards it. You see Leviathan sitting in his chair, writing papers on his desk. "Have a seat" And you do. Sitting across from him, you sit up straight. "You can relax y'know? Now, how's the tail?" Oh right, that. He did tell you to report to him a few days ago. "It's gotten better. I'm ready to work sir." "Good. Are you having trouble with any of other sailors?" His gaze was strong. "N-No.." "You're not lying to me, right?" "No sir.." "Because if there's a problem, I don't mind fixing it" You were grateful for his seeming care for you. "Thank you sir, but I can assure you that I'm fine" "If you say so".

"So uh, how did you know about the tail thing?"

"What?"

"Sorry, like how did you know what to do with my tail and all that?"

He lets out a short laugh. "Oh? Well okay, in the beginning when hell was just starting to form, me and my brothers had already fallen to hell. We went through a lot of changes with our body. I had my wings torn off, but I grew a tail. Of course, one of my brother's, Beelzebub, grew interested and unknowingly hungry. He didn't know his strength so he grabbed my tail and.. Ripped the entire thing clean. Bone and everything"

You wince, imagining the gruesome scene.

"It was awful, my brothers had no idea what to do while Beelzebub started to grow accustomed to his hunger. Funny enough, he did say that my tail tasted like a light flakey steak... Anyways I'm getting off track. It took years for it to grow back to how it is now. A lot of trial and error."

He paused for a moment.

"So that's it I guess. What I'm trying to say is, I've been through the same thing, multiple times actually. Anything else?" "No.. Thank you sir"

He sends you back to work, pointing to his finger back to the door that you came from. You walk out the door, and you see the ocean seas. Stepping out the door, you're a bit startled. How did that- magic you guessed. You go back to work, your admiral on your mind.

Your feelings for him started off as a small admiration. You began to idolize him little by little. You looked up to his authority, you were fascinated by the stories that were told about him. You would seek out for him, always trying to catch a glance of him patrolling the navy. You didn't have a crush on him, you were just curious. On a particular night, the navy was hosting its anniversary. It was nothing big, just a small get together at the bar with all drinks given free to the curtesy of the bar owner. The entire bar was filled with sailors drinking, laughing, and dancing. Some on the side were playing card games, others were holding drinking competitions amongst friends, and a few.. Lets just say they were gonna have a fun night. You were there, sitting in one of standing chairs, drinking a small alcoholic beverage. You weren't talking with anyone, just scanning the room, hoping to get a glimpse of Leviathan.

Leviathan was sitting on the other side of you, clearly annoyed and drinking his 3rd shot, pinching the bridge of his nose as his older brother, Mammon, kept nagging at him. "Hey Levi, Levi, Levi, Levi, Levi-" "What?" "….I love you~" "fuck off." Mammon laughed, tousling his little brother's hat, completely messing up his hair. "Aww cheer up lil bro! What's the matter?" Leviathan grumbled, drinking another shot of demonus. "Nothing." He drank another shot, this time waving on of the waitresses for another drink, a stronger one. "Seriously, you should be having the time of your life! I dunno, maybe having chicks by yourside-" Leviathan glared at him, scowling. "Or dudes… Or hell to be honest both or anyone with how you got that stick up your ass.." "What did you say?" "Nothing-" Mammon blurted, trying not to laugh. "Seriously though, what's wrong?" Leviathan rolled his eyes, now on his 6th shot. With a frown on his face, Leviathan sighed with a complain. "Everyone here is having fun, with friends and letting lose.. Being so fucking loud. This is miserable, I don't even know why I showed up." He went on, getting frustrated with each word. "I wanted to have fun, but I can't. I'm just here, all alone with my stupid brother bothering me like I'm some outcast needing to be comforted" Mammon felt a nervous sweat going down his forehead, smiling as he knew what was coming next. "They're so fucking ungrateful. I could just leave and no one would bat an eye. Why is no one coming to say hi? Why can't anyone just seem to invite me? What, am I just too high and mighty to talk to? So ungrateful." Mammon knew better than to correct Leviathan, to remind him that there were a bunch of sailors who toasted to him, the waitresses that smiled his way, the demons who were clearly smiling and grateful for the free drinks and food. There were a lot of things Mammon could point out, but of course, envy was always blind to logic. He patted Leviathan's shoulder, awkwardly laughing as an attempt to lighten up the mood. "Hey hey, I'm sure that ain't the case.. Hey what about that sailor that keeps staring at you?" "Huh?" Mammon looked at you, and he saw the subtle shift in your eyes. For a brief moment you and him made eye contact, and Mammon got an idea. "Yeah, that one. Over there with the stumpy tail" Leviathan turned, seeing you look at your drink. "Oh him? What about him?" "What do ya think about him?" Levithan was a bit caught off guard with the question. "Uhh, I mean he's a good worker. He's still adjusting since it hasn't been a year since he's died.." "Ah, a newbie" "Yeah. Ha, funny enough I did talk to him. Helped him with his ripped tail and all.." Mammon's interest peaked, and Leviathan could tell as he tried to change the topic, knowing Mammon would try to do something dumb with the information. "But that's it." "That's it?" "Well.. Yeah." "Why don't you go talk to him?" Defensively, Leviathan narrowed his eyes at Mammon. "Why?" "Cause, I'm sure he wants to talk to you as much as you wanna talk to somebody. Trust me, I can feel his desperation from here" Leviathan looked a bit startled, a little flattered even. "Oh.. I guess I'll talk to him for a bit.." Mammon smiled, laying back against the plush booth. "Mhn, I'll be here 'kay?" Leviathan hummed back in response, standing up to go talk to you.

Leviathan sat beside you, adjusting his cloak and cap before addressing your name. You looked a bit startled, trying to sit up straight with your head high. And Leviathan couldn't help but feel a little flutter in his chest. You both talked, hell even tried to talk with each other. An hour or two passed and Leviathan decided to go back to the booth. He waved you off, telling you he'd be back in a bit. Mammon of course was in a middle of a card game, but he was able to out trick all the sailors and beat the small game. Counting his money, Mammon smirked at Leviathan. "You have a good chat?" "Uh, yeah." "He likes ya" "I mean I hope he does. He is a worker of mine" Mammon tsked, putting the money in his pocket. "He likes likes you" "W-What?! Mammon don't be stupid" "Whatever~ Do you like him?" "I've only known him for a few days! Why the fuck would he even like me in that way? He has so many people that talk to him, hell even a bunk mate. There would be no way to have him like like me you idiot." "…Uh-huh.. Anyways y'know what? Let's do something" Leviathan eyed Mammon suspiciously, clearly annoyed. "What?" "Let's make a bet." Leviathan could already see where this was going. "Oh not again for the love of-" "Hear me out. You're always complaining about how alone you are while the demons out here are mingling and finding love. The admiral himself, alone and unwanted. It's unfair right?" "I-I'm not-" Mammon gave Leviathan the 'Oh really?' look, and Leviathan only shrunk in embarrassment. "So, prove me wrong. Prove US wrong. I bet ya, if you go up to him, ask him out, maybe a 'lil smooch for Goodluck, he'll be head over heels for ya. And if I'm wrong, I'll give you.. This book writer's soul." "Make it 16500 grimm, the writer's soul, and a dance of how wrong you are" "Mhnnn… 50 grimm?" "I'm not doing it then" "Ugh.. Fine. I'm only agreeing cause I'm tired of seeing my baby brother all mopey with his weird cartoons-" "Shut up!"

With a huff, Leviathan stomped away while Mammon snickered, watching the scene unfold. You heard those familiar footsteps coming your way, and you smiled. "Hello sir, you're back!" Leviathan sat down beside you, ordering some more drinks. "Yep. Say.. Do you uh.. Want to drink and talk?" "More alcohol.. I dunno, I'll be on my shift tommorow" "Doesn't have to be alcohol. Want any smoothies?" "Yeah! What do you recommend?" Leviathan requests a menu, and he skims through the pages. He points at a light blue drink with small bits of orange flowers inside it. "This one. It's really good. It's one of my favorites actually.." "Then I'll get that one then"

Leviathan begins to get comfortable, and even warms up a bit as you yap about your interests. Sure they don't completely align with what hear cares about, but you somehow make it interesting to listen to. He finds himself smiling as you go on and on, and he even finds himself rambling to you as well. For a moment he thinks as he's rambling that he's boring you, but when he look's at your lower half, he could see the small numb that is your tail wagging back and fourth. He gets a surge of confidence, and he looks back at Mammon who just gives him a smug look. "Hey so... I think I may want to take you out.." You seemed to have a glint in your eye, but Leviathan ignores it. "Would you like to go on a date with me?" You let out a snort, but you quickly cover your mouth. And for a moment, Leviathan considers killing Mammon, and then himself out of shame. "S-Sir what? You barely known me" Yeah! Exactly! Mammon. "But honestly if I were being honest.. I may have gotten interested in you as well.. I don't know if it's cause I like you but- oh man I'm rambling. But are you sure? Why me? No offense.. Sir.. But I'm not 'boyfriend' material." Leviathan looked back at Mammon for advice, but he was too busy chatting up with the other sailors. Fuck.. "Well.. I-I uh.. Please? One date?" God he could feel himself sweating. Was he really pleading with a sailor to go out with him? Do it for the Grimm, do it for the Grimm.. You were shocked, flattered, and even a bit bashful. "Uh, yeah. Of course sir.. When?" "When what?" "The date?" "Oh uhmn- how about tomorrow? I'll let you have the entire day off." "..I guess it's a date then sir!" "Good! I-I'll see you then. Maybe at night.. Okay?" You nodded your head, and he simply went back to Mammon. "What about the smooch?" "Don't push it Mammon." Leviathan scoffed, putting his palm out. "Grimm, the soul, and I want the dance." "Now??" Leviathan smirked, his eyes smug as he leaned back. "Yep. Right now, come on. We shook on it, you have to do it. C'mon, you know the dance~" Mammon groaned, slowly forcing himself to stand up and do the stupid dance. With a final twirl and bow, Leviathan clapped, clearly grinning ear to ear. "Now, the grimm and soul." Mammon whined, letting a loud "Ughhh!" before handing Leviathan the soul and coins worth of 200 grimm. "I said 16500, not 200 cheapo" "What do ya think, that I'm made outta money?! I don't carry that much y'know??" "Mammon you literally hoard as a hobby, hand it over. I won fair and square." Letting out another whine, Mammon handed Leviathan a copious amount of bills, each count of the money hurting Mammon's heart. "Oh please, this is pocket money for you. Stop acting like it's a big deal" Mammon grumbled. "I'm only doing this so you could finally stop bitc-" "What was that?" "NOTHING! Love ya lil bro~" Leviathan was smiling, counting the money he earned. "Alright.. These are real right?" "Of course they are! Why do ya think I'm hurting right now?!" "Cause knowing you, you'd scum your way out of a deal." "Ah come on! Have a bit of faith in me!" Leviathan rolled his eyes at Mammon's retort. "Yeah yeah. Anyways how's that witch girlfriend of yours?" Mammon seemed to calm down a bit, his mind now distracted over the grimm. "Oh she's alright I guess.." Leviathan raised a brow at Mammon, but didn't comment any further. "Alright. Well I'm gonna go back home. Are you coming or?" "Nah I'm gonna stop by a few stores. There's some stuff I need to get" Leviathan stood up from his seat. "See you later then"

You went on your first date some time later on, and Leviathan didn't seem to mind the date. Dressed in a white colored shirt with navy pants, he took you to a restaurant. He didn't seem too enthusiastic, but he didn't seem bothered when you talked with him. One date, it was one date. Though one date turned into two when his brother Mammon blabbed to the entire family that Leviathan had scored a date. Of course with everyone intrigued, they all teased him to go on the second date. Begrudgingly, you and him were now sailing on one of the private boats, eating some hell spawn lobster while he talked about his annoying brothers. For an isolated shut in, he surprisingly knew how to treat you well. The second date turned into a third date when Asmodeus poked at his older brother, cackling at the thought of keeping a study relationship. Out of spite, Leviathan took you on a third date, seemingly agitated with the way his eyes were dilated. He made sure to take lots of pictures on your third date, sending it to his brothers to show them wrong. On the fourth date, he was less annoyed, rather using his brothers nagging as a way to excuse himself for getting involved during your working hours at the navy. You were in one of the rooms, looking at a gas indicator. Opening the door to leave the room, your shoved in a familiar room that you haven't seen in a while. Leviathan's office. You hear his voice, and like the first time you were here, you followed it. You thought you were in trouble with the way he had his arms behind his back with a formal posture, you were a bit panicked with the way he stared at you. "I have something to ask you". Fearing the worst, you braced yourself. Did you piss him off? But, Leviathan wasn't there to scold you, if anything, he was quiet terrified himself and it took everything for him not to stumble on his words. "What are we?"

Oh?

That's what he called you in for? "Whatever you want us to be sir" That didn't seem to satisfy him. Uncertain, he furrowed his brows. "What do you want us to be?" God you didn't fucking know how to answer that! "u-uh, well uh. I don't know?" "You don't know?" He seemed agitated at the response. With his hands still behind his back, his tail whipped back and fourth. "..This was a stupid idea. You probably felt forced.." Leviathan didn't say it out loud, but he could picture the multiple reasons why you had said what you said. Maybe you felt pressured by his superiority to go out with him, you didn't actually like him that way. Or maybe you had a partner already, what was his name? Nile? Nelly? Whatever it was, he was always stalking around you, and you seemed neutral with his company. Whatever it was, Leviathan could feel the shame inside him. He was about to resort to singing an old siren tune to make you forget this interaction, but you seemed to catch him off guard when you took off your hat, holding it with both of your hands. "I didn't feel forced at all to go with you Leviathan... Sir. If anything, I enjoyed those nice dinners with you. I haven't been treated that nicely by anyone in a while" You now had his full attention, and he was listening to you intently. "It would be nice if I could return the favor.. No matter what you decide you want us to be. If I had the choice, I'd like us to continue what we have" Leviathan was completely shocked, wordless with his mouth slightly agape. It took a while for the admiral to collect his scrambled mind, and it didn't help with the way you stared at him with an expression no one had stared at him with in centuries. "O-Oh? U-Uh, haha- ah. Well u-umn. Okay- uhmn, alright. Haha! Oh fuck-" His whole entire face was beet red. "In that case, I guess these came in handy" He extends his hand out, and it's a bouquet of blue creamy white flowers. You were now smiling, your ears perked up happily. "Oh my gosh- these are so nice.." "I-I'm glad you liked them.." It was so bizarre to see the highest in commanding of the navy stutter, it was like he was a different person. You kept staring at the meek uniformed man Infront of you, and for a moment you forgot about his position and high status. So you blurt out the first thing that comes in your mind. "Can I kiss you?" and Leviathan is more than happy to comply with your request.

The 3 months you were dating Leviathan were heavenly. You didn't have to go to the cafeteria anymore to wait in line for lunch since Leviathan would always be there to grab you and feed you. There were moments where he would drag you in the middle of work seemingly out of nowhere, just for you rest on his lap while he did paperwork. You also learned about Leviathan's personality, how sometimes he would be this soft, shy, meek demon who could barely speak for himself. You learned that the avatar of envy enjoyed his junk food, always snacking on some chips whenever you and him watched one of his Japanese cartoons that he was obsessed with. Eventually he even got you a room of your own! No longer did you have to share a bunk with someone! Things were going well between you and Leviathan, or as you now call him outside of work, Levi. You loved him, you loved him a lot. And sure he had his fits here and there- but it's what's expected of envy. Sure it got terrifying at times with his menacing grip on his shoulders and his horrifying rambles of anger whenever something small seemed to trigger him. But it could be a lot worse, and you loved him too much to see what was so dangerous about his behavior. You were blind to all the red flags that began to show in your relationship with Leviathan. You were so caught up in Leviathan's smothering affection, you failed to see the way he was isolating you from the navy. You were so blind, that you failed to see the way the other sailors would avoid you. You were so used to seeing Leviathan daily, you didn't realize how you didn't work any shifts anymore- instead spending most of your time in Leviathan's office.

You really loved Leviathan, you loved him to the point that you were willing to tip toe with your actions- careful not to talk to someone in a certain way and to not outshine Leviathan in anyway, just to keep his envy at bay. Hug him, hold him, look at him only, tell him how much you love him. In the beginning you thought he was just being needy and insecure. But as time kept going, he never stopped, if anything he seemed to get worse. It was getting tiring juggling with his emotions, and you thought it was manageable.. Until by some misfortune you discovered why Leviathan had asked you out in the first place. Grimm, a soul, and a silly sibling dance. Your relationship was from a result from sibling banter. At first you laughed at the news! You saw it as one of those cute "This is how me and my boyfriend met!" types of silly situations. But then you started to really think about it.. And it hurt your ego. You felt like this small plaything for this all powerful demon to use you. You didn't know why you didn't see this before, but now you did and it was painful. You bet people in Devildom snickered about how you were just "another one" for the admiral, betting how long he'd keep you for. You didn't confront Leviathan about the news, you kept quiet for now. You tried acting the way you usually acted, but Leviathan being naturally observant or irrational, confronted you on your different behavior. "Are you okay?" "Mhn? Yeah, why?" "Liar." It was a slow shift from neutral to absolutely maddened. "Who is it?" "W..What?" "Who fucking is it?" He was face with a death grip on your shoulder. His claws sinking into the fabric of your uniformed shirt and threatening to pierce your skin. "Is it that old roommate of yours? Decided to get a good fucking out of him?" "Excuse me?!" He let out a laugh, and the atmosphere went cold. You were outside on the docks where none of the sailors worked, it was hidden- like an alleyway in a street. "Am I not good enough for you?" The waves began to crash against the wooden docks, the boats began to swish back and fourth- "Of course!" His voice was getting louder- "Then why- Why are you being like this?!" You made the mistake of stuttering, and Leviathan's irrational thoughts were being confirmed in his mind. "L-Like what?!" "OOoooHoho! So you do know! Great! Spill it out!" "Alright fine! The bet, I was only a bet to you! For Grimm and a soul! That's all I was! I'm not cheating on you- I'm fucking embarrassed!" Like he'd been slapped, he let you go, the waves calming down as he shrunk on the spot. "O-Oh..So you're not..?" "No! Are you kidding me?!"

In the end, Leviathan was still cared about you, but you had trouble forgiving him. You still loved him, just not the same as before. You were always the type to hold grudges, hell it's how you got into hell in the first place, so you never really let go of that information. Your relationship wasn't the same, and you thought about breaking up with Leviathan. You tried asking your old roommate Neil for any advice after cornering him, but he only told you it was best for you to suck it up and stay in the relationship. "That's it?! Really?! C'mon Neil, there's gotta be something" "I dunno, a couples therapy?? Look, I wish I could help you, but I can't, and to be honest you're kind of in a sticky situation.. Breaking up with the man who owns your soul.." "Wait what?" "Yeah.. Why do you look so shocked?" You stare at him completely mortified, while he just stares at you nonchalantly. He then notices your reaction, and feels automatically pity for you. "Oh.. You didn't know? It was in the contract. I thought you knew?" There it goes.. Your lack of attention biting you in the ass. "Anyways.. I don't think you should be talking to me.. Or anyone. For the sake of our safety, just.. Stick with him yeah? We don't want another incident." "What incident?" "..I gotta go. Bye.."

Now realizing Leviathan owns your soul since you had signed that contract when joining the navy, you felt trapped. God this was utterly fucked, you really couldn't leave unless Leviathan had enough of you and didn't break up with you on bad terms. Was there any way you could manipulate the situation..? Who were you kidding, manipulating a man who's job is manipulating and controlling an entire fleet at his bidding. Good luck. And with how your boyfriend changed your role in the navy ever since your little argument and with his insecurities growing ever since your revelation, it seemed like a slim chance he was going to let you go. Locked always by his side, you couldn't escape. 24/7, whether you were in his office, walking around the fleet, or in his bed, he was always there- watching you. It was either loving him and juggling the thin line of rage the avatar of envy always seemed to be on, or risk being thrown into eternal damnation.. And, being smart, you continued loving him, even if it now became a part of your job.

#you can tell I went overboard with admiral levi lmao #I kinda gave up near the end- cries-#this took so much longer than I thought it would #thanks for the request!#yandere obey me #yandere obey me leviathan #yandere grand admiral leviathan #grand admiral levi #grand admiral leviathan #obey me grand admiral leviathan #yandere obey me x reader #yandere obey me x mc #yandere obey me prompts #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me x reader #yandere obey me mammon #obey me mammon #obey me mammon x reader

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sillyrabbit81 · 2 years

Text

Love Sick

Prompt: Slow & Romantic, Medical Play from @wirdbeimaufhebengebunden (x) Thank you!

Pairing: Geralt of Rivia x Female Reader

Word Count: Approx. 2.9k

Warnings: Smut, hand job, oral sex (m receiving), mentions of body fluids, made up medical treatments.

Authors Note: As always I need to thank my amazing mates and readers @nashibirne , @amberangel112 and @henryobsessed your thoughtful and honest comments (and special knowledge 🤣) are always appreciated.

I found this prompt particularly tricky as medical play isn't a kink I'm overly familiar with, but in the end I'm pretty happy with how it turned out and I hope you enjoy it.

I'm sorry, but I barely had time to read over it, it was edited by me, on the fly there will be errors

Dividers by me.

Masterlist

Celebration Masterlist

There is a knock on the door to your small hut. Your hands are busy pouring a heavy pot of freshly prepared Eucalyptus oil through a cheesecloth strainer, so you call out to the visitor.

“Come in.”

You hope it's a customer, you could do with the money, but immediately curse yourself. You love being a healer, but you hate that you often have to rely on the misfortune of others. Maybe it will be a young woman, happy to be pregnant and they’ll ask you for assistance to deliver the baby when the time comes.

You hear the door open and close. Still pouring the freshy made oil, you glance at the door and very nearly lose the preparation that took you over six hours to make.

“Geralt,” you whisper.

His brows raise slightly in surprise as he greets you by name in a low rumble that you hadn’t heard in nearly two years.

You’re frozen by the shock of seeing the Witcher again and by the uncertainty of how to react to his unexpected appearance at your door. You stare at each other, he seems as unable to decide what to do as you are.

Geralt's brows raise higher and he says your name again, this time with urgency and while taking long strides to your side.

You turn back to your work and curse. In your bewilderment, you haven’t stopped pouring and oil is leaking over the sides of the cheese cloth and onto your table and apron.

Geralt takes the pot out of your hands and you start to mop up the spill. It doesn’t look like you lost too much and you sigh with relief. When you’ve wiped up as much as you can, you try to take your apron off, but your fingers are oily and make gripping the tie difficult.

“Let me,” Geralt says. You jump, you didn’t realise he was standing so close behind you.

His fingers brush across the bare skin of your neck as he pulls at the strings of your apron and his touch makes your spine tighten and lock. His body presses against your back as he reaches around your waist and unties the long doubled over strings tied your front. He doesn’t move when the apron loosens and you pull it off, instead he rests his hands on your hips while you wipe your oily fingers on the roughened cotton.

“I have to wash my hands,” you say, proud of the fact that your voice is calm and strong. “Take a seat.”

You slip out of Geralt’s reach and over to your fireplace. You take the kettle from its spot on your stove and pour some heated water into your wash bowl and quickly lather your hands in soap. You take the time to compose yourself. There are so many questions running through your mind you aren’t sure where to start.

“How did you find me?” you ask while you dry your hands.

“I didn’t,” Geralt says. “I’m as surprised to find you here as you are.”

You nod and keep rubbing your dry hands against the towel.

“It wasn’t for a lack of trying,” he mutters under his breath.

Your brows furrow. Geralt had tried to find you? You found that odd considering the events that led to your parting of ways.

“So I shouldn’t have to move again? Did I cover my tracks?” you ask, dreading the answer.

“If I couldn’t find you, it’s unlikely those fools could.”

You let out a breath you weren’t even aware you had been holding, then fold the towel and place it next to the basin. Although Geralt’s answers are a relief, they do raise more questions.

“So what brings you here then?”

Geralt shifts in the chair. “I was passing through.”

“No, I mean why are you seeking a healer? Are you hurt?”

“No,” he says.

“Then what do you need a healer for?”

“Nevermind. It can wait until I get back to Kaer Morhen.”

“But that's several weeks' journey from here.”

“Vesemir will know what to do.”

“Geralt, please? Just tell me.”

He hums, his lips thinning as he thinks. Then he takes a deep breath and says quickly, “I think I’m unwell, or maybe poisoned by something I am unfamiliar with.”

You frown. He sounds uneasy, that isn’t like him. Immediately your clinical detachment overrides any other emotions you have about Geralt’s unexpected appearance and you begin your examination.

“What are the symptoms?”

“I can’t sleep. There’s an ache in my chest; it’s as if I can’t breathe sometimes. I get headaches, and my heart races sometimes. I can’t concentrate and I’m slow to react.” He relays the information in a tone that tries to make him appear unbothered, as if any one of those symptoms aren’t serious enough on their own, let alone altogether.

“And how long has this been going on?”

“Months,” he says.

Mentally you start checking off symptoms and ask clarifying questions, but each answer he gives only adds to your confusion.

Eventually you shake your head and begin to gather supplies and motion towards the bed. “I’ll need to do a physical examination. Please remove your clothes and lay on the bed. You can cover yourself with the sheet.”

Geralt doesn’t move and for a moment you think he is going to refuse. Then he stands slowly, and begins to pull his loose black shirt from his leather pants.

Although you are a healer and are used to seeing men in all sorts of compromising positions, your face burns while you watch him undress out of the corner of your eye. The last time you saw him partially naked… You shake your head as if that will stop the memories of the night he helped you escape from your old village’s Alderman and his cronies.

When Geralt is settled on the bed, you begin by finding his pulse in his neck. His skin is so warm, almost hot, but not quite feverish. You don’t know a lot about Witchers and how their mutations affect their anatomy and function, but you know enough that Geralt’s heart is beating far faster than it should be.

Your hands move over his chest and down to his belly. He jumps slightly as you dig your fingers into his skin. For a moment your detachment slips and you bite your lip as you look down at your hands resting on Geralt’s stomach. Your fingers brush over his smooth skin in a motion that's much too much like a caress to be professional.

“I’m sorry,” you say, “I should have warned you. I get in my head sometimes and forget that the patient doesn’t know what I’m doing. I’m trying to feel your organs to make sure none are painful or swollen.”

He nods and you inhale deeply, trying to regain your clinical attitude.

You prod at his stomach, searching for his liver. You have to press hard, pushing against muscle much firmer than even that of the strong farmers you’ve treated over the years.

Quickly you become lost in the work and your hands move gently over his muscles, checking his stomach and guts, and his bladder. You’re so caught up in your examination that you don’t notice the growing hardness that lays over his abdomen until your palm accidentally brushes against it.

You pull your hands away as if they had been burnt. You look at Geralt and your lock onto his deep amber eyes. He’s blushing.

Geralt is blushing.

But he does not look away and neither do you.

“When was the last time you were with a woman?” you ask.

There is a subtle change in his face, a slight tightening of the jaw before he finally averts his eyes.

“Months.”

So you can’t rule out some kind of sex disease. Your ears and cheeks feel aflame, but you have to ask.

“When was the last time you touched your…”

Geralt's jaw still twitches beneath the rough growth on his cheek. “I can’t remember.”

“Days, weeks, months?”

“Months.”

“Why haven’t you?”

Geralt drags his gaze back to you and those amber eyes of his are bright, almost glowing in the firelight. It's the kind of look that would once have had your knees shaking, but you put your hands on your hips and look back just as steely eyed.

“I need to know if it still works, Geralt. Can you still maintain—”

“Yes.”

“Can you reach—”

“I don’t know,” he says harshly. Then his voice softens and he says quietly, “I haven’t tried.”

“Why not? Lack of motivation or interest?”

“No.”

“Then why? Lack of available women? I find that hard to believe.”

“It's not hard to believe when the one you want isn’t available,” Geralt mutters so quietly you almost don’t catch it.

“Oh,” you say softly.

You’re beginning to realise what might be wrong with him, but first you have to rule a couple of things out. Your mouth is dry as you clear your throat and lift the sheet and trail your fingers up his inner thigh.

“I have to check… here.”

Geralt closes his eyes, his jaw clenches, and his whole body goes tight as you enclose his sack with your hand. Gently, you roll them with your fingers, searching for lumps or signs of abnormalities. But you find nothing except a perfect example of male vitality, even if he was unable to father children.

Your fingers itch to move higher, to feel his throbbing cock in your hand. He looks so big and thick beneath the thin sheet. You bite your lip as you withdraw your hand, but your eyes never leave the growing wet patch that turns the cloth translucent enough to see the dark and angry reddish, purple skin of the tip of his cock.

Geralt's hand wraps around your wrist stopping you from making your retreat. He says your name in a voice thick with lust.

“Don’t stop,” he says, guiding your hand back beneath the sheet. “Please, I need…” his voice trails off as the tip of your fingers grazes the silky smooth skin of his cock.

“I can help,” you say. “I can give you relief, but it won’t be enough.”

Geralt looks stricken. “Why not?”

“I think you ache. Your body, your mind, your heart… But most of all here…”

You wrap your hand around him. God, he feels so hot and hard, you’re barely able to suppress a moan. Geralt doesn’t hold back, he groans as his hips give a huge jerk and raises himself up and leans on elbows. He throws off the sheet and groans again at the sight of how small your hand looks wrapped around him.

“She must be beautiful,” you say.

“Who?” he says, his eyes fixed on your hand.

“The one who you’re in love with. The one who is making you unwell.”

Geralt tilts his head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

You stroke him, moving your hand softly, while you try and fail to keep yourself detached from what you are doing.

“You’re nothing more than lovesick,” you tell him, “I can give you some relief but if you want to be free of this pain, then you must have her.”

He doesn’t say anything, but his lips part and his chest works hard as he keeps staring at your hand. No, not your hand, now he’s staring at you.

“She is,” he says sincerely, “She’s very beautiful.”

“She’s very lucky,” you say.

Geralt shakes his head. “I would be the one that's lucky to have her.”

A spike of jealousy pierces your heart and completely shatters your carefully compartmentalised rational objectivity and releases a surge of erotic desire. You pause, staring into Geralt’s scorching eyes and wonder what on earth you are doing.

You take a deep breath and turn away from him, desperately grasping for a way to remain aloof.

“Lay back and close your eyes,” you tell him.

“It’s better for me if I watch,” he says in a voice that reverberates from deep within his chest.

“Oh,” you breathe.

“Keep going,” he says, “I need this.”

So you keep going. You start lazily, stroking, working him, trying not to notice the pulses of the thick veins, the silkiness of his skin as it slides over him, or the fluid that gathers at the tip that your thumb collects with each sweep over the head.

Harder to ignore are the sounds he makes; the moans that start as gentle rumbles, almost purr like in his throat and quickly become guttural groans.

His hand moves down his belly, slipping beneath your pumping arm and his fingers graze his balls before pulling gently on the skin.

You can’t stop yourself and you glance at him, his eyes are waiting there for yours. He growls, sweat breaks over his brow and makes the hair on his chest glisten in the firelight. He’s beautiful; the quintessential picture of maleness, and full of animal sexual lust.

And he can’t take his eyes off you.

The hand between his legs is suddenly wrapped around your waist as he sits up. His mouth is so close, all of him is so close, and somehow just being held by him is far more intimate than having your hand wrapped around his cock.

His hand is on your cheek, his nose rubs against yours and he whispers, “Why did you leave?”

Your brows furrow with confusion. “I… Because I got away. You said you’d help me get away and that was it, we’d go our separate ways.”

“I said I’d take you somewhere safe. That I’d keep you safe.”

“Same thing,” you say.

“No,” he says so softly, it's barely more than a rough breath. “No it’s not.”

His thumb runs over your lips, his fingers caress your neck.

“I searched for you,” he says. “For so long. Then, I mourned you. I still mourn you.”

“I’m right here, Geralt,” you tell him. “I’m alright.”

“But I’m not. You made me love sick.”

You gasp. Your body starts to tremble, as you try to make sense of what he said.

“Geralt—”

His fingers cover your lips to hush you and he whispers, “Don’t stop, let me have this just once and I’ll be gone if you want me to.”

You nod and he sighs with relief. You look down at your hand still firmly wrapped around his cock. Keeping your eyes on Geralt’s, you bend at the waist, licking your lips. His eyes grow dark as he watches your tongue peek sweep across the soft verges of your mouth.

“Fuck, what are you doing?” Geralt asks, in a voice that hints at panic but also deep longing.

You keep lowering your head until your lips brush over the silky skin of his cock and your lips part, taking him into your mouth. Geralt shudders and with a long moan, falls back onto the bed.

“Fuck.”

His hands cradle your head, stroking your hair, caressing your neck, touching you as much as he can while he arches up into your mouth. You fall into a rhythm, your hand moves over him while your mouth follows, sucking softly and massaging with your tongue.

It’s not long until his breath starts to catch in his throat and starting at his thighs and belly, tremors seem to work through his muscles until his whole body is trembling.

He’s close, and part of you wants to draw back because you don’t want this to end so soon. But he lifts his head and you see the look on his face, see the need burning in his eyes and the unspoken desperate plea in his parted lips.

You move faster, sucking harder and taking him deeper into your mouth. He needs this and you want to ease him of the suffering he’s had all these months. He bends his leg, his heel digs deep into the hard mattress as he calls your name while his body surges. He holds your head in place while he begins to release thick and heavy jets into your mouth.

A little shaken, you release him from your mouth and raise your head. You let him go, allowing your fingers to trail over his thigh while his muscles twitch as he catches his breath. His eyes are closed and a smile breaks across his face.

While your heart soars to see him enjoying his post orgasm euphoria, there is a heaviness in your chest.

Geralt loves you.

And you don’t know what to do about it.

While he’s distracted and to hopefully give you time to think, you fall back onto what you know. You pour fresh water into your wash bowl and bring it over to the bed, carefully wring out the cloth and begin to wash him. Falling into an almost meditative state, you start to wash his hand, watching with satisfaction as the road dust and dirt wipes away.

You work your way up his arm, then his shoulders, then you lean over the broad expanse of his chest to clean his face. His eyes are open now, watching you expectantly.

He lets you wipe his brow, then down his nose and sweep across his cheeks. Before you get to his lips, you lower your head and press your lips against his.

As his arms encircle your waist and he kisses you back, you decide you will never let him become love sick again.

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #rabbitsmilestone23 #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fan fiction #geralt of rivia #geralt of rivia x reader #geralt of rivia fanfiction #geralt #the witcher #geralt x reader #geralt x y/n #geralt z rivii #geralt fanfic #geralt x you #geralt of rivia x you

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i-still-mask-because · 1 year

Note

in the wake of all this new information during COVID, do you feel that maybe we should all just be masking all the time, COVID of no COVID? I mean it can't be the only airborne disease out there and immunocompromised ppl have always and will always exist so like. Following that thinking even if we don't have COVID we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right? Idk I'm stressing a lot about this do I just need to wear a mask outside forever cos. Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues and stuff but. I don't wanna?? Kill people by accident??? Aaaaa

Hello, thanks for reaching out about this.

I saw this ask about a month ago, and I needed time to think about how I'd respond to it (so I want to thank you for the patience!).

I'll try to answer all of this to the best of my ability, and I thought I'd answer this by going backwards (responding to the last things you said and then moving up with responding to the first things you said).

Everything is below the cut because this is very long!

First I'll try to summarize what I think you're asking here:

"Vulnerable people exist in this world all around me, therefore does this mean I'm constantly posing a threat to those vulnerable people's safety when I don't mask? The thought of this brings me feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety."

I find this is hard to answer candidly without risking stressing out you or anyone else who's aware of the consequences of their choice not to mask. Nonetheless, my honest answer is: yes, choosing not to mask means risking the lives and safety of vulnerable people, i.e. the disabled, immunocompromised, elderly, children & babies, and those that intersect those groups. That risk can take place directly (such as interacting with an immunocompromised elder) or indirectly (such as interacting with the parent of a disabled child).

I also want to add that it's not only those groups that need protecting. I firmly believe that regardless of your age and/or whether or not you self-identify as disabled or immunocompromised that everyone is at risk of the long-term consequences of this rapidly mutating, vascular, and immunosuppressive virus. No one is invincible to this, and I'll add: not even if you're vaccinated (still get vaccinated if you can, but know that you can still catch covid & develop long covid regardless of your vaccination status).

1. "Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues."

I understand how that can be difficult to deal with, trust me. There are specific masks (such as most standard KN95s) that irritate the hell out of my face after a certain point. The way those specific masks brush against the hairs of my cheeks just make me want to rip the mask off my face completely. Finding alternatives has been a lifesaver, and they've allowed me to get through the day without wanting to maul someone lol. I don't know what masks you have tried out already, so I'll just recommend the one's I like as well as the one's I've heard good reviews on from people that also have sensory issues:

NIOSH 3m Aura N95 Respirators

Flo Mask

GATA Mask (Haven't tried this one yet, but I've heard a LOT of people say this has been a game changer for them because of how comfortable it is & how it doesn't trigger much sensory issues at all due to its silicone material. Probably the only con I've heard is the chance of the build up of moisture in the mask after a long period of use & water possibly dripping on your face— this happens to me sometimes with my Flo Mask. Edit on Sept. 26, 2023: I tried GATA Mask, and I personally have a tough time getting a comfortable fit & seal with it, even when getting the small/medium size for adults to see if it'll make a difference, and the nose bridge shape not fitting well for me is a huge con. Customer service is just suggesting I spend more, so I'll just give this one a break, for now at least. A lot of other people seem to like it though.)

Halyard FLUIDSHIELD [ASTM Level 3] Mask (My mom works in a hospital, and these are masks she brings home from work. They're VERY comfortable for me, especially when I'm masking at home. I recommend finding a way to tighten the loops that go around your ears to prevent as much gaps around the mask as possible. If tight loops hurt your ears easily, I recommend a mask brace.)

O2 Nose Filters (I haven't tried these out yet as well, but I've seen videos demonstrating how effective these are at filtering out SOOO many unseen particles. I don't recommend using these alone of course, because there's still a risk of inhaling harmful aerosols through your mouth. I would recommend using this as a reinforcement of the protective measures you take. For example: adding on a comfortable surgical mask— ideally one with a high filtration efficiency like the previous suggestion— with the nose filters. I think these nose filters would be great if you're removing your mask real quick to take a sip of water or if you're outdoors with enough distance from crowded areas & groups.)

In the ideal world, more people would mask during this on-going pandemic so those that deal with sensory issues and/or those that straight-up can't wear a mask due to medical reasons wouldn't have to worry so much about choosing between existing & risking their health. For now, we just have to find alternatives.

2. "Do I need to wear a mask outside forever?"

My answer to this is: yes until further notice. There's no foreseeable end to this pandemic right now, but it would be worth the patience to wait for adequate tech, treatment, and cures for covid-19 to be released before even thinking about getting loose with masking.

Societal mandates have been dropped way too soon, and public health in regards to covid-19 is being forced on us as an individual responsibility. As a consequence, this gives this rapidly mutating virus a lot of wiggle room to spread and do whatever it wants. This means doctors and experts don't have much answers yet for adequate treatment because there's a MAJOR lack of containment (such as masking & quarantining) and documentation (such as testing & reporting). This isn't to say there hasn't been any advancements whatsoever: for example, Washington University just developed a breath test for covid that gives results in just 1 minute! This is great news! And this is just one reason why it's very necessary for those who can mask to mask, so scientists are given more time to roll out helpful solutions & tools sooner.

Another thing I'll add is if you're symptomatic and/or are positive for covid, you should 100% be wearing a mask no matter what, point blank period. I say "and/or" because it is VERY much possible to have covid and not experience any symptoms at all; this is a major reason why it's necessary to mask up in public consistently, because you can't always know who you bump into that may have covid or not.

3. "Even if we don't have covid, we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right?"

Yes, there is a possibility of spreading airborne diseases to vulnerable people unknowingly— without the protective & preventative tools that is.

I can only speak for America because that's the cultural zeitgeist I grew up in, but: I feel like many of us can agree that, unless you worked in a healthcare setting, what was "normal" (in America) before 2020 when it came to airborne illness prevention was definitely not the regular use of a mask. American health education mainly taught us if we're coughing & sneezing to try to do so in a tissue or into your elbow, as well as frequently wash our hands. That doesn't account for the way air actually works though. For instance, if someone with the common cold coughed into the inside of their elbow, the particles they coughed out are still able to linger in the air because their elbow isn't creating a tight seal around their mouth (their elbow may have caught the droplets from their cough— which are bigger & heavier— but the smaller, lighter aerosols would just spread around similar to how smoke does); it's the difference between 😪 vs 😶‍🌫️. The only sure way for the germs they've coughed out to be blocked from spreading to other people is if they wear a well-fitted, quality mask/respirator.

I feel like health education from a young age should include the benefits of masking; that way it would be easier to adapt to the need to put on a mask to protect ourselves & others as a collective. It would be phenomenal & wonderful if we as a collective were used to masking the same way we're used to putting on socks before putting on our shoes.

4. "Immunocompromised people have always and will always exist"

Yes, that is true. And that means necessary measures taken to protect them, as well as other vulnerable people, should be the standard.

5. "[Covid] can't be the only airborne disease out there"

Of course not. There's plenty of them. However, not all airborne diseases are the same, nor should they be treated as such. What's been observed in regards to the long-term effects of covid is not at all the same with other airborne diseases. Covid is a highly contagious virus that is more than just a respiratory disease. Its goal is to attack your immune system, nervous system, heart, brain, and/or other vital organs. That's what viruses do. They act smart and sneaky, and they have the capability to trigger illnesses in your body that you may not have had pre-infection:

Chickenpox is known to lead to shingles

Epstein-Barr is known to lead to mono

HPV is known to lead to cancer

Covid-19 has been found to lead to:

POTS

ME/CFS

Stroke & Heart attack

Alzheimer's

Dementia

"Brain Fog"; Memory & Concentration Problems

The list goes on, and these are only what we know of. Covid may not be the only airborne disease, but it definitely is a dangerous one with serious, long-term negative effects.

6. "Do you feel that we should all be masking all the time, whether or not covid-19 exists?"

In regards to masking with the existence of covid:

Yes. Masking is a vital method in the prevention of catching & spreading covid-19, because it is primarily spread through the air.

In regards to masking without the existence of covid:

See my answer for number 3, and also: given the fact wearing a mask can only do more good than harm for most folks, I don't see why not. Imagine a world where we don't have to worry about flu season or allergy season anymore because those aerosols are filtered out from consistent mask wearing. Sounds like the dream to me lol.

I hope this made sense! If anyone has anything they'd like to add to answer anon's questions, please feel free to share!

Thank you for reading 😷

#covid #covid pandemic #covid isn't over #covid is airborne #covid awareness #masks & respirators #link(s) provided #information #ask queue

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eggyolkguzzler · 15 days

Note

mod, how do you edit your portraits? aka what program do you use :)

Hey!!! So glad you asked! I was actually talking to some friends on discord about this exact topic.

I'm gonna write the best tutorial I can for you anon. Other ask bloggers feel free to reference this!!

KEBBY'S STARDEW VALLEY PORTRAIT/SPRITE EDITING TUTORIAL!! 💪💪💪

Personally, I use Medibang Paint pro. It's a free art program that you can use to draw pretty much anything. Normally, I use it for regular, un-pixelated digital art.

(If you'd like to see some of that, my art sideblog is here!)

However, Medibang Paint also has a dedicated pixel brush! It comes in handy a lot with sprite editing.

Another suggestion is getting Aseprite. It's a program entirely dedicated to making amazing pixel art. If you want to specialize in pixel art, then you might prefer Aseprite over a more generalized art program like Medibang Paint. A lot of professionals highly praise it. The one catch is that Aseprite costs money.

Though I've been told that it's worth it, so it seems like a good investment to me!

Anyways!! Onto the sprites.

Here's every single one of Alex's sprites and portraits. I got this image from Spriter's Resource's website, where they carry high quality sprite sheets for every single character in the game. Clean and crisp 1x1 pixel ratio.

So for a lot of my custom Alex portraits, all I did was copy different facial features and paste them onto his face.

Take his happy portraits and his surprised portrait, for example.

Stealing the eyes from the surprised portrait and slapping them onto the happy portraits, we get these rather insane looking boys here.

I tend to use these edits whenever Alex is excited about something!

Though sprite editing can also get a lot more complex. There have been many instances where I've had to add something completely unique to his portrait.

Like these edits, for example!!!

What I'd usually do is choose which basic portrait I'd like to use as a base, and then start to draw over it using Medibang's pixel art brush. It's actually a lot easier than you think, as long as you study the portraits!!

Take a second to really analyze ConcernedApe's pixel art style. What do you see first? Well, the colour palette is already there! I already know what colour his skintone is, what colour his hoodie is, what colour the shadows are, etc.

I can also see that his hoodie is shaded with little specks of darker and lighter pixels. This gives his hoodie an interesting texture, so I tried to mimic it when drawing his sleeve for the facepalm edit.

I can also tell exactly where the light source is. It's off to the side! so I knew where to place the shadows and highlights when shading his hands or that egg he's holding.

I encourage you to mess around and do some practice edits until you get the hang of it! Again, it's a lot easier than you think. Most of my edits take either a few seconds or a few minutes.

Here's a collection of every single Alex sprite edit I've made so far!!!

Now, keep in mind, every Stardew Valley portrait is drawn on a 64x64 pixel canvas. That's teeeeeny tiny. If you posted your edits at that size, it would look a little silly. It would be hard for people to see!

So once I've completed a portrait edit, I'll resize it!! Luckily Medibang's got a handy resizing feature.

I go to the top of the screen, I click "Edit" , I click "Image size" , and right beside where it says "Set size to 200%" I click "Apply" , and then I click "OK!!"

Ta-daaaaah!!! Now you have a high-quality, high-resolution sprite of your goober!!! You can resize it more if you'd like it to be bigger, or you can size it back down by setting the percentage to 50%.

That's basically it!

I hope this helps somebody else in the community!! Thanks for the ask, anon. It was really fun to type this out and show off some of my work!

Wow... That's a lot of clones! Where'd they all come from!?

#kebby talks ooc #sdv ask blog #no need to credit me for the portrait edits you make BUT if you dm'd me to show me ur edits i would be very happy #stardew valley ask blog #stardew valley

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prinzrupprecht · 22 days

Text

The Hating Game (part 1)

I’m back with another Anubis oneshot! Made up Egyptian backstory. I’ll prob come back and edit all of this once we get Anubis’s actual backstory.

Pairing: Anubis x Mesopotamian!goddess reader

Synopsis: You hated him at first. You were told that you had to marry him for an alliance between your two countries and this set you off. Anubis had picked up on your energy and started throwing your insults back at you but he was deeply more affected by your mean words. Maybe eventually the two of you would get along.

TW: none.

WC: 1894

You sat outside from father’s throne room as he was inside talking to one of the higher-ups from another country. You couldn’t hear anything being said since the door was soundproof. This worried you about what they were talking about. Perhaps the previous trade negotiations weren’t as good as you thought. Was it Egypt again? One of the Egyptian governor officials was here speaking to your father which rarely ever happens.

Your mother saw you pouting outside of the room and asked you if things were okay. You shrugged and kept your face in the palm of your hands solemnly. “Beats me… father probably is failing to meet their end of diplomatic agreements.” You snickered but eventually just as you stood up the door opened and you saw your father standing with a serious expression glooming over his face.

“Oh nice, you’re here as I wanted.” He was smiling, this wasn’t good. You gave your father a curious look at what he meant by that.

“What does that exactly mean?” You folded your arms once again while your mother went to stand by his side.

“You’re being wed to Osiris’s nephew—"

“HUH?! HELL NO! Th— That’s off the table! Make a new deal if you care so much about your relationship with them!” You cut him off. You had met a few of them before and thought they were weird when they visited your home city. It must be some old perverted guy this time who begged your father for your hand to reunite the two countries. Your mind was screaming and panicking at the same time.

“You have no choice in this—" your mother spoke up but it was already too late.

“No choice?! You could’ve asked me what I want for once!” You were upset but there wasn’t anything you could do. Your father gave you a solemn look before speaking once more.

“You’ll get used to it, you’re leaving tomorrow morning. And the son isn’t who you think he is. At least from when I met him. You’ll like him in due time,” your father said your name before walking in the other direction. Your mother tried to comfort you but you brushed her off to go to your room.

You hated them. You hate them. Your anger repeated in your mind as you sat on your bed thinking. You couldn’t stand your parents and them choosing diplomatic relations over you. Your happiness should come first. Yet, it never came. Who was he? Your father was certain you would like him. Would you? You were screaming back in your pillow. Tomorrow and the rest of the week was going to be hell for you.

~~~ the following week

You hated leaving home and the new traditions you will have to eventually get used to as well. One of the maids had to force you to change clothes to their customs. You didn’t even see your father one last time before you were forced to leave your home the next day. Also, nobody told you who you were even betrothed to. You hated being alive…

As you tiptoed down the hallways you thought you could get some fresh air. You were constantly being pampered by maids and the priests who were tasked to please the gods— whatever that meant.

You heard two Egyptian men fighting around the corner and this cause you to freeze in place. You quickly tried to disperse in the other direction before one of them saw you. It was too late, and you were caught. “Oops, sorry I must’ve gotten lost!” You squeaked out without realizing whose presence you were in. One of the two men caught your eye more with the Jackal hat, eyeliner makeup and long hair that was tied into a unique braid.

“Get lost brat,” the other man that stood next to him you presumed was probably Set spoke harshly. The other man next to him growled at his rude statement.

“Aw, why do you have to be so mean~? Can you be a little nice for once?” The one with the braid pouted while growing impatient. You could tell the two had a bad relationship considering you had heard them arguing a bit ago.

“Shut the hell up Anubis, you can’t order or tell me what to do.” The other man grumbled before turning to leave and marched the other way. Your heart rate must’ve rapidly sped up. Who?! They’re gods… very well known and worshipped by their own people.

“Bleh, he’s always mean like that… I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. Maybe just sometimes I do, agh I don't know! Wait, who are you? Have we met before?” Anubis scratched stepped closer to you as he scratched the back of his neck while smiling excitedly. You were freaking out on the inside hoping this isn’t where you die. You internally groaned and just wanted to go home already. You couldn’t help but notice how long his nails were. This was frightening and you crossed your arms over your chest stubbornly while turning your head away.

“I’m no one, I mean— I was sent here by my parents. You don’t have to act so kindly with me if you’re trying to get something in return.” What were you even saying?! He probably could kill you right here. Good. Maybe your parents could learn their lessons from this.

Anubis’s mouth gaped by what you said. “Huh?!" He was probably mad but he was about to say something else before Isis turned around the corner. “Oh, you two had met!” She clasped her hands together excitedly.

Anubis looked confused and was wondering what she meant by that. “Anubis, this is your fiancé—"

“Him?! Ew no! I refuse.” You stepped back and this made Anubis refuse as well. Isis already was pre told by your parents you were very reluctant about this marriage decision. She also knew Anubis well and that he wouldn’t like this decision either.

“Agh, no one told me?! Please please please, tell father I’ll be good if he calls this off,” Anubis grabbed her shoulders and gave her a desperate look. You turned your head stubbornly but Isis pulled away from her adoptive son and said the decision was final.

“Osiris and Set were the ones to propose this, so you two will have to get acquainted with one another.” Isis turned to walk the other way but she couldn’t help but smile. Set? Was that the man that was with Anubis or so you think… you already knew who Osiris was. Isis knew eventually you and Anubis would grow onto one another.

As you stood puzzled by what Isis said. You felt a little relief wash over you. Was it because he wasn’t an old guy or ugly? “Just because we are supposed to be wedded doesn’t make you think you can touch me whenever or better yet do as you like,” you stood back still with your head held high. This irritated Anubis even more. Do what he wanted?

“Like I’ll— Like I’ll ever want to touch you either! What makes you think— think I wanted this as well?! You’re so mean.” You could hear his tone crack a bit. You felt a little bit bad but you quickly refrained from saying anything more. He sat near the wall with his legs up to his chest with a depressed aura looking over him.

Your first encounter with him wasn’t as good as you expected. Anubis didn’t even look at you as he sulked in his spot. His hat was covering how expression. Should you give him a chance? No. You still held resentment towards your parents and Egypt for this alliance.

You went to leave since things were looking incredibly bad for you. As you felt relieved to get away from the scene. You tried to breathe once again and wanted to try to calm your mind a bit. Once you saw you must’ve accidentally walked into a room full of written messages on the wall, and scrolls laid out on the floors. You couldn’t decipher the language. There was a notepad on the table that was in the middle of the room. It all seemed too foreign for you as you grew more curious about their culture and whatever this room was for.

“What the hell are you doing in here, girl?” You jumped from the tone of the man you ran into earlier who was arguing with Anubis. You had bumped into the table knocking over the stacked notes. You were remotely terrified by his presence.

“I— I just was curious about this room! Sorry, I’ll take my leave..” but he didn’t let you leave and had his arms crossed.

“Hold it,” he grabbed your arm making you scream but this made him tighten your arm and you pleaded for him to let you go. You were terrified of him, and this gave Set a pleased smile.

“Let go! Let go of me!” You screeched but this only made Set as you presumed who it was to let go and you took the opportunity to push past him. You wondered what the hell that was about. You were irritated and just wanted to sleep and find your way back to your room. Where were the maids to guide you? This wasn’t fair to you at all.

You quickly found your room but Anubis was waiting outside of your room with his face buried in his hands as he sat on the floor. “What are you doing here?” You were quick to ask but you kept turning your head hoping Set wasn’t following you.

“He tried to harm you, right? Did he? I heard you scream— but he didn’t hurt you right?" Was he concerned? You had to give him some benefit of the doubt over this. None of this was his fault either and he came here to make sure you were alright despite being mean to him earlier. He repeats words carelessly but it didn’t bother you. You hesitated before nodded showing the bruise he left on your wrist. Anubis was bubbling with rage and tried to move past you while growling. “I’m— I’m sorry, I’m sorry someone like you got into this mess. He’s not usually like this,” Anubis was pulling the straps on his hat down. He was upset? You gave him a puzzled look before continuing.

“It’s fine, but you don’t have to worry about me…" you were tired and didn’t want to get into any more fights today with him, or Set. Heck, you’d rather avoid Set as much as you can. Just as you were about to enter your room, you turned to him.

“We should at least try to get along, right?” You tried to hide your smile and a slight tint of pink on your cheeks.

“We can? Yay! I’ll show you around the palace tomorrow then, it’s a deal! It’s a deal!” Anubis ran down the corridor excitedly which made you confused for a moment. You didn’t agree with any of that, but again you’re bored and it’s better to get to know him right?

You couldn’t deny that he was cuter than you expected and was slowly tugging on your heart. You were hating how soft you were becoming. Maybe, just maybe things will be okay.

Note: it’ll take a few days for part 2. I have to do part for my Okita fanfic before then. Sorry if this is bad.

#record of ragnarok #shuumatsu no valkyrie #ror x reader #shuumatsu no valkyrie x reader #record of ragnarok x reader#anubis ror #Anubis #anubis x reader #snv Anubis

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obxone · 1 year

Text

Pogue Like Me (Part Five)

Edited-ish. ~3.8k words

Warning: NSFW (Do not engage if you are underage!)

Tag list: @gillybear17 @i-love-rafe @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @nomorespahgetti @lmg-stilinski24 @f4ll-for-you @user3737338292 @iheqrtaustin @jayblackpanther @calmoistorm @paintygirl @honeynicoole @iheqrtaustin @existential-echo

Master Page

After the tears have stopped and you have finished the water Cass brought you, you go back to work. Your head held high as you ignore JJ and any attempts that he may make to talk to you. Careful glances and quiet gossip still linger, but you do your best to ignore them. The newer customers are oblivious to what has transpired earlier in the day and greet you with familiar smiles and questions about the daily menu. The entire situation could have cost you your job, and you hate that you let it go that far south.

"Incoming," Cass mutters under her breath when she passes, and you look up from organizing the menus to see Rafe walking into the patio area. His eyes find you immediately, a severe look on his face, and you can tell he is looking over you. Your perfect makeup being ruined by your tears left you bare faced. A sense of relief washes over you when it becomes clear his path is to your side. The difference between how Rafe looks at others and the way he looks at you makes your head spin.

You clear your throat, pulling yourself back to reality as you drop the stack of menus onto the hostess stand. "Kelce told, didn't he?"

"He did."

You fidget with the corner of a menu, looking out at the mostly empty dining area. You did not blame Kelce. He did what his friend asked him to do, and the concern had been evident when he had left you in Cass's capable hands earlier. With the lunch rush over, there is not anyone for you to fixate your attention on, so you meet his gaze again. "Are you here to go golfing?"

"I am," he confirms, his voice low. Rafe moves around the hostess stand to touch you. His hands find their home on your waist, and his body presses against yours. "And you." He takes a few steps forward, forcing you to take steps back. Eventually, your back meets the paneled wall. It gives you a sense of privacy, with his wide shoulders blocking your view of the patio. "How are you?"

Horrible is what you want to tell him, but you do not. Looking down at your mostly empty wrists, you answer him the best way you can. "The pogues and I are no longer friends."

"I know."

You swallow the urge to cry again before you lift your chin to look up at him. "Do we have to go to that party tonight?" Your hand touches his chest, fingers toying with the buttons.

He shakes his head, hooking his finger under your chin to keep your gaze on him. Your smile is weak but there because he knows you well enough now that he can tell you want to run and hide away again.

"Can we be alone instead?"

"Yes," he whispers before dipping his head down. His lips brush yours briefly before he leans back to look at you. "Anything else you want?"

You lean up on your toes to kiss him. Him. The kiss tells him that plainly enough. You ignore the potential risk of losing your job for fraternizing with a member on top of the very public loss of friendship earlier. You keep kissing him until you have to end it. A smirk tugs at his lips.

His thumb skates over your jaw. "There's my girl."

You blush and bite your lip. "She is exhausted and ready to go home with you to decompress from this awful day."

He grins, dragging his thumb over your bottom lip. "Tanneyhill for tonight, okay?"

You smile, a nervous tingle starting in your stomach at the look in his eyes. "Can we have a movie night?"

He smiles, a quiet laugh leaving him. "Sure, Baby."

You remove your hands from his shoulders. "Perfect. Have fun golfing, okay? I'm fine here."

He smiles, a knowing look in his eyes. "I know you're fine. But I will kick his ass if he tries anything else with you."

You swallow and grasp his hand before he can move away from you. "No fighting today, Rafe, not here. Please."

He takes a step back, squeezing your hand, before going. He glances back once to check on you, and you shake your head at him for not promising to keep from kicking JJ's ass. You are aware of Cass's stare burning into the side of your face and the Cheshire grin on her face, but you choose to ignore her.

You fidget with the menus again until she gives up and returns to her happy place in the kitchen with the hot chef. A tiny smile on your face now that Rafe is here and practically kissed you better.

"Are you sure we are allowed in here?" You ask as you look around the pristine guest house. "We could always go to the party instead."

"No. No party." Rafe shakes his head, flipping certain lights on before venturing into the small kitchenette. "You asked for a movie night."

"I did," you confirm as you follow him. You lift yourself on the counter as he pours himself a little liquor and takes a sip. "Did you remember to bring the popcorn?"

"We have some here." Rafe opens the cabinets until he finds a bag and throws it into the microwave. He crosses the distance to be between your legs as it begins to cook. Warm palms caress the length of your thighs, and you shiver at the feel of him so close again. "Feeling better?"

You smile, looping your arms around his shoulders and nudging your face closer to his. "Getting there." You peck his lips. "I hate that the family room was taken tonight. I know you wanted to watch a movie there."

He kisses you, and you can taste the bourbon on his tongue. His hands tighten around your waist, pulling you closer until your upper bodies are smooshed together. You giggle into the kiss before brushing your nose against his.

"What movie did you pick?" He squeezes your thigh. The heat of his touch sears into your skin.

"Dirty Dancing," you whisper against his lips. "Patrick Swayze always makes me feel better."

Rafe laughs, and you join him before he pecks your lips.

You play with his hair, the strands soft between your fingers. "But don't worry, Swayze has nothing on you."

He shakes his head at your playfulness. "Popcorn is done. Go get the movie started."

You hop down and dive into the plush sofa once you have a comfortable throw blanket and the remote. Rafe emerges moments later with his bourbon, a popcorn bowl, and a soda for you.

After the movie begins, you both get settled, and you rest your head on his chest. His arm wrapped around you, keeping you close to him. "How many times have you seen this?" He asks as you hum the first few songs perfectly.

You laugh, tipping your head back to look at him. "I don't know."

He smiles, dragging his thumb across your bottom lip. Shivers rush down your spine, the feeling from earlier returning, and something seems to shift between you. A static type of feeling tethers between you. You lean up and kiss him. Your fingers twist into the hair at the back of his head. He deepens the kiss, and you hum at the taste of bourbon still on his tongue.

"Rafe…" You whisper against his lips. "Is there a bedroom here?"

He exhales, his breath fanning over your face. "Yeah, Baby."

You swallow, tightening your fingers in his hair. "Show me?"

He watches you for a moment, an unspoken understanding shared between you. His hand flexes against your stomach before he nods, clearing his throat. "Yeah, okay."

Shedding the throw blanket and moving the popcorn bowl to the table, you stand and pull him with you. The warmth of his large hands on your hips eases the nervous feeling growing inside you. He shuffles you to the closed door across the room.

"Through there."

Rafe does not push you. He lets you decide how far this understanding between you will go, and you make a mental note to thank him later. You reach out, hand trembling slightly as you enclose the knob and turn it to push it open. It is a simple classic white coastal design with a plush king sized bed against the far wall. The bed looks expensive and comfortable. The white linens make your heart skip a beat. Would they be ruined? You step into the room, and he follows you.

“Y/n…”

"Shh." You spin and press your finger to his lips.

Nothing is spoken for a moment. Instead, he lets you tell him everything you are thinking without a word. He shifts, digging his fingers into your hips before releasing his hold.

"I want you to be my first."

His eyes close, and you cannot help the smile that teases your lips.

"I want it to be you," you continue. "Even if everyone tells me otherwise. I want it to be you."

Rafe's fingers dig into your hips, and he kisses you like you will vanish if he stops. Reaching past him, you push the door shut before slowly proceeding to the bed. He follows, his lips glued to yours until the backs of your thighs hit the edge of the bed.

You slip out of your shirt, eyes glued to his every second they can be, and he stares back at you. Your chest rises and falls faster with each breath. Everything would change after tonight. A new level of intimacy is reached between you. Something you could not ever take back will be shared between the two of you. You reach to unclasp your bra, but he stops you.

Instead, he kisses a path up your collarbone and to your neck. You tip your head back, giving him better access, and a whine of need slips from your lips.

His arms wrap around your waist, and he lifts you onto the bed. Bringing his body against yours, he follows you deeper into the bed.

His nestles between your legs. He wants your first time as much as you want to give it to him. His fingers dig into your thighs as he rubs against you. Your breath hitches with each shift of his hardened length against your clothed center.

You litter kisses down his neck, hands brushing down his back to slip under his shirt. "I want you, Rafe. All of you." You look at him, searching his beautiful blue eyes for any sign of doubt from him, but there is none. "Everything has changed with you. The world looks so different now, and I love that. I like who I am with you." You nip his neck before trailing your lips up to the shell of his ear. "Do you want me to?"

"Fuck, y/n." He cups your face, pulling your lips back to his as he rolls his hips against you. "Do you feel that?"

You nod, biting your lip when he does it again. You reach down his back and pull his shirt off before tossing it away. Your hand presses to his chest as he leans down to kiss you again. Pants and desperate gasps leave you both as he touches you and continues to roll against you. His fingers are skilled as he reaches behind you to unclasp your bra. He slides the straps down your arms. His lips follow the path of one strap until it falls away.

He hooks his fingers around the waistband of your skirt and tugs it down. You lift your hips to let him tug it off you. Your panties follow next, and he stares at you, bare beneath him. So pretty and ready for him.

You reach for him, pulling him back against your body. Lips claim one another's, and you help him shed his shorts and underwear. His naked body presses against yours, and you continue to kiss like the other might disappear if you stop. His tongue searching your mouth distracts you from the bundle of nervousness building within you.

Rafe's hand slips between your legs. His finger rubs your clit, and you shudder against him. Moaning into his mouth. He slows his touch, slower and slower, until he is simply pressing his hand against you possessively.

"If you knew just how I have wanted this," he murmurs against your lips.

You shake your head, pecking his lips. "Believe me, I already know."

He does not say anything, and you can feel the sparks of anticipation shooting through your body. The press of his body against yours warms you to the core. Rafe's heart races under your palm, and you are sure yours matches his. He shifts, and his length briefly brushes against your inner thigh. He feels hot and hard, all for you.

"Are you sure you want this?" He asks, his voice strained from his effort to control this moment better for you.

"I'm sure."

You want to lay your claim on him just as much as he wants to have his claim on you. You are scared and desperate but also excited for this moment. Being with Rafe is easy. The pain and hurt from the past few weeks melt away when he is near you. This is the right choice, you know it is.

Rafe's body leaves yours, and you whine at the loss of him, but he returns seconds later, a condom held between his fingers. You exhale in relief that he is back and reach for it.

"I'll do it, Baby. Relax." He coos.

You nod, dragging your teeth over your bottom lip as you watch him open the foil packet before he rolls it on. A sharp intake of breath follows as he crowds you once more. That hard press of his body against yours returns that fuzzy feeling inside of you. You touch his chest and rest your palm over his heart, the thrum still there and matching your own.

"Relax, Baby."

You smile weakly before he pecks your lips. You could not relax, no matter how much you willed your body to do so. Rafe is here, and he is going to do what you crave for him to do.

His hand clasps your free hand and pins it against the mattress as he guides the tip of him into you. Your breath hitches, your body threatening to tighten as he sinks into you. An ache blooms in your lower stomach.

You whine, head tipping back, and you want to beg him to stop. It is too much; he is too much. But you stay silent, fingernails biting into the back of his hand and his chest. You want this. You want him. He shushes you. His gaze shifts between watching your face and watching himself sink into you.

"You haven't taken it all yet," he murmurs. You meet his gaze. Eyes widening at the realization of what you have gotten yourself into. "You're doing so good, Baby." He encourages you.

After a few moments, he sinks fully into you. You watch him and nod your reassurance before kissing him. He groans low in his chest, feeling you squeeze around him. The shift of your body against his adjusting his position inside of you. He withdraws inch by inch until only his tip is in you before sliding back in. "Mine."

"Yours," you whisper back as his hand wraps around your hip. The other is tangled with yours. His chest rises and falls rapidly.

The next few times are the same, a whispered confirmation that you belong to him with each thrust back into you. And it is true. You belong to him. Every inch of you belongs to Rafe Cameron.

As he slides into you once more, he feels you take him a little more easily, and your hand presses to his chest again. "Mine."

Rafe smiles, dropping his mouth to yours, and he kisses you. "Yours." He combs your hair back from your face as he slowly begins to roll his hips. You could not say anything. Your lips part as small sounds that are not quite moans leave you. Gradually, small waves of pleasure crest into more, and you drag your hand down his back, nails raking across the muscled expanse. His chest presses to yours. His hands are fisting the sheet or your hip as he moves.

Rafe drives you straight into an orgasm, your body quivering under his, and your legs squeeze his hips. "Rafe," you gasp out, head tipping back as his mouth attaches to the soft curve of your neck.

Your orgasm encourages him to follow until he stills against you. His body presses yours down on the mattress, and his mouth finds yours. You shudder against him, feeling him still inside you, the sensitivity setting in.

He sits up on his knees to take off the used condom. Those blue eyes flicker up to you. You watch him, body damp with sweat and tingling in your post orgasm haze. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," you whisper and reach to touch his abs. Your nails track the lines and curves. "Are you?"

He bobs his head in confirmation that he is fine before exhaling as he tosses the condom into the trash can. "I have something for you."

"Oh?"

"It's in my room."

He lowers back into you. His lips claim yours, and you kiss him back. It would never be enough now.

Stroking your fingers through his slightly sweaty hair, you smile at him. "Shower with me first?"

After showering and getting dressed, Rafe holds your hand as you walk back to Tanneyhill side by side. Pizza cravings and his gift for you winning out from finishing the movie.

"Hey!" Sarah smiles at you when you both enter the house. "Did you guys leave earlier?"

"Yes, Sarah," Rafe responds, not even giving her a second glance as he tugs you into the kitchen. You cling to his hand but look over your shoulder at Sarah and John B.

Sarah's gaze flickers to you, a sad look washing over her face. "Y/n. Hey."

"Sarah."

John B watches you as well. His expression reflected his disappointment that you did not intend to come and talk to them.

"John B." You add before following Rafe to the kitchen. He watches you, waiting for you to say something, but you do not. Instead, you lean into him, and his arms find a home around your waist. "How soon until the pizza?"

"Ten minutes."

You smile, glancing around the kitchen. His lips press to the crown of your head.

"You feel okay?"

"I do," you confirm before tipping your head back to look at him. "I feel... happy. Thank you for giving me what I wanted."

He smiles before glancing as the doorbell rings. "Pizza is here early."

"Good, I'm starved!"

He chuckles and goes with cash in his hand to pay and tip for the pizza. Moments are he goes, Sarah enters the kitchen.

"Can we talk?" She asks.

You shrug, fidgeting with the tabs of the soda cans Rafe has already pulled out for you both. You do not look at her. It still stings to look at them and know how much they have hurt you.

"I'm sorry about what happened today," she breathes, leaning on the counter. "It was really lame of us to corner you at work. And even more lame of us to let you leave like that without hearing you out."

"It was."

She frowns, huffing. "I'm sorry that we did not listen to you, and I'm sorry JJ said those things."

"JJ's actions are not yours to apologize for," you whisper, looking up at her. "Those are his and his alone to apologize for."

She hums in agreement.

"And I don't think he will. He meant what he said. And I believe you all meant what you did too."

Rafe comes back in, the pizza box in his hands. His expression shifts to one of annoyance when he sees Sarah near you. John B shows up just behind Rafe to see what is going on and to make sure his girlfriend is safe. You are not ignorant of how they view Rafe after everything they have said and done.

"Can we please keep talking?" Sarah asks, her hand reaching for yours. Her fingers clasp around your hand desperately. "Please. Just us."

You exhale, glancing at Rafe, and he watches you as he drops the pizza box on the counter. He shrugs, glancing at John B, who lingers in the door. This is your decision.

"No," you say, lifting your chin in defiance. "No. Tonight I am with Rafe. We can talk another time."

Sarah nods before backing up as she lets your hand go. "Okay. Are you staying tonight?"

"She is," Rafe answers before you can.

"Tomorrow then?"

You hesitate, and she does not miss it.

"Please. Just us two. I will get breakfast in the morning, and we can have a dock picnic like old times, okay?"

"Okay," you relent. Memories of last summer's multiple dock picnics flash through your mind. You reach for Rafe. He comes, body pressing against yours as he stares at his sister and John B. It is clear the conversation is over, so Sarah turns, grasping John B's hand, and tugs him out of the kitchen back to the living room.

"Pizza!" You grin and reach for the box.

"I want to take it outside by the pool," he says, running his finger through your hair. "I have a present for you, remember?"

You smile at him, and he takes the box while you grab the soda cans and follow him out onto the patio.

"Do you need to go upstairs and get it?" You ask as you sit on the edge of the pool and dip your feet into the chilled water.

He joins you. His leg brushes yours. "I already did."

You lean into him, tipping your head back for a kiss. He kisses you, and then you feel something cool and metal slip around your neck. His fingers expertly secure the clasp before he releases you from the kiss to look.

It is a dainty gold chain, a gold token dangling from it and stamped onto the face are several wildflowers. All delicate and perfectly etched into the metal.

"It's beautiful!" You beam, skimming the tip of your index finger over the face of the token. Tears threaten again, and you meet his gaze. "How did you know about the wildflowers?"

Rafe shrugs, looking away from you to the marsh that is blanketed by night. "I saw you every summer working in that garden."

You bite your lip and reach for his hand and squeeze it.

"I've never seen someone so happy." A wistful look colors his face, and he turns his face to look at you. "I've never seen someone so happy to be doing manual labor in the hot Carolina sun."

You laugh before pecking his cheek. "Thank you, Baby." A faint blush colors his cheeks, and you can barely see it.

"We should eat." He offers, and you let the moment pass, knowing his comfort level is being pushed.

(Part Six)

Reblogs, likes, and comments are welcome and appreciated!

#outer banks #obx #rafe cameron #outer banks rafe cameron #obx rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x y/n

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eleanor-bradstreet · 2 years

Text

Two Lines (Benedict Bridgerton x Reader)

Benedict Bridgerton x fem!Reader Modern AU Rated: G - domestic fluff Word count: 1.7k

Summary: As you settle into your new home, you have a surprise for Benedict.

Author's Note: Sometimes late at night, modern Ben shows up and hands me a one-sitting story. This is one of those. I cannot express enough gratitude to @bridgertontess who put so much thought and care into making the custom photo edit above 🫶 I hope you enjoy this little cottage moment, my dear 💙

Two lines. Eight, if you were counting all the tests together, the reason you had locked yourself upstairs for the afternoon. Each of them clear as day, opening some new chamber of your heart and flooding it with so much feeling, you had to sit on the floor and allow yourself a little cry. You had tried for so long, the process eventually becoming so demoralizing that you had stopped planning and both started to make your peace with it. You would let nature decide, and had nearly convinced yourself she simply wasn’t in your corner, until now. Right when you had stopped worrying about it, that’s when she caught you by surprise.

Your husband hadn’t even registered your absence. He was too busy painting the rooms of the ground floor. The cottage you had purchased was the definition of a fixer-upper, every wall and window and fixture needed attention. You had been daunted when he showed you what he had found, but that undeniable light in his eyes would have made you agree to move into a caravan. He was enjoying himself with all of the projects, something to pour his boundless energy into when he wasn’t working. He was taking on more than he should, in fact. You loved him, but he was tragically posh and really had no place touching the electrical box. But he would be damned before he’d allow you to hire someone. All probably something to do with male pride and being king of his proverbial castle.

With your heart pounding in your throat - it had only pounded as hard before on your wedding day - you descended the cramped staircase and walked to the dining room.

“Benedict Bridgerton, please be careful on that thing!”

The ladder he had found looked to be as old as the house itself. Some splintery relic that wobbled with every brushstroke he made. He had unearthed it from the shed and saw no point in shelling out for a new one. Now it was the only thing keeping him suspended over the double length windows as he turned the dingy walls a muted sage green.

He looked down at you with a shrug, which caused another wobble. “It’s fine.”

You moved to the ladder, ready to brace a fall. “I can’t afford to have you break your neck. Or anything else for that matter.” You suddenly realized what a challenge it would be to keep him intact over the coming months, especially as your mobility gradually became impaired.

The look on your face must have been upset enough, because he pouted and descended a few rungs, reaching a stable center of gravity. “But wouldn’t it give you just a little bit of vindication? Proof that you were right and we should have hired someone?”

That smirk. That smirk was the reason you had allowed him to try his hand at everything in the first place. His undaunted confidence. It made you admire him to the point of resentment.

“No, it wouldn’t,” you spat. “I don’t want my husband in hospital, even if it proves my point. You’re covered. Take a break.”

Glancing down at himself, he saw that his hands and forearms had practically been dipped green, and the splatters were never going to come out of his orange t-shirt or jeans. He didn’t have many tops to speak of, so he had better start using his brush more carefully. Somehow, this lauded artist who could stipple and blend the most delicate details into a portrait or landscape, looked like a five-year old with a bowl of spaghetti sauce when it came to wall paint.

“The sun is setting anyway,” you handed him a cloth. “Come watch with me.”

You could see through the west-facing window how the sky was layering orange, pink and purple. Your little spot of countryside afforded you the most breathtaking sunsets, the sellers hadn’t lied about that. It really was the perfect home for an artist and Benedict had known as soon as he saw it. All sky and wildflowers and distant sounds of birds.

He wiped his hands and swiped the bottle of wine your new neighbors, the Crabtrees, had brought over. He grabbed a glass.

“Do you want some?”

You waved him off. “No, thanks. I’m alright.”

The back garden held another relic, a stone bench that was surprisingly comfortable. That was where you watched the sunsets together, plotting all the improvements you wanted to make. Benedict sat and poured the wine, and you laid down beside him, resting your head in his lap. The hand not holding his glass trailed softly through your hair. You realized he was probably turning it green, but you didn’t mind.

He took a sip and looked down at you curiously. “Are you feeling okay?”

You furrowed your brow. “Is that some commentary on my drinking?”

He laughed. “No…I mean, well, you do always join me, but…” His voice grew soft. “I just want to check.”

There he went, intuiting everything. Your pulse jumped wondering if you had already been too transparent. If he could see right through you, as usual, and knew what you were about to tell him. But you checked yourself. Of course he didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to keep calm with the news. You smiled, snuggling into him. “I’m feeling fine. Very good, in fact.”

He smiled back, lopsided and devastating. “Good.”

You both looked skyward, watching the orange slip out of sight, then the pink fade to indigo, and the purple to navy. It was autumn and the last of the birdsong was accompanied by gusts of wind, blowing about the falling leaves and grey brush in the flowerbeds stretching before you. The garden had been the lowest priority as you focused on making the cottage comfortable, especially as winter approached. But now there was a new deadline to prepare for, more to take into consideration on what you tackled and how.

Benedict finished his glass and kept one hand combing through your hair, bringing the other to rest on your ribs.

“We need to clear out these beds.” You gestured to the abandoned mess of long-dead foliage in front of you.

“I know,” he nodded. “It’s on the list.”

“If we do it now and plant some bulbs, they should bloom in the spring just in time.” You wrapped your hands around his forearm, sliding it lower, his massive grasp spreading out across your abdomen.

“In time for what? Do you want some grand housewarming once all the projects are done? I’m not sure my family will fit in this place.” He snorted.

You held your breath, feeling the warmth of his fingers pressing softly onto your body, a cosmic point of connection where the three of you intersected. Your momentary little secret.

You couldn’t help but quip. “Your family fits in here just fine.”

If he noticed your goofy grin, he didn’t comment on it. You turned your head and nuzzled into his stomach, that knee-weakening sandalwood scent still evident under the paint fumes. This man, he gave you so much by simply existing. Now you had something to give back that finally felt like an adequate reciprocation. You were ready.

“I want the flowers as a backdrop for a portrait.” You said matter-of-factly.

He leaned down and ran his nose into your hairline, murmuring against your skin. “Mmm, that would be lovely. You in our garden.”

“Yes, the both of us.” You whispered, breathless with anticipation.

He kissed your forehead and chuckled deep in his chest. “If you want me in it too, I’m not exactly sure who is supposed to be doing the painting.”

Keeping one hand pressing his into your torso, you brought the other to his hair and gently pulled him to look at you. Locking into his eyes, you spoke, quiet but purposeful. “I didn’t say you’d be in it.”

He stared at you, blue-grey eyes darting back and forth at your pupils, the smile on his face fading from bemusement to confusion, a furrow forming between his brows. Then the penny dropped, and you felt the jolt run through his every muscle. With a shout he melted over you, rocking you as he buried his face into the crook of your neck. You didn’t know if he was forming words, he seemed to be gasping and letting out wonderful little sounds of desperate happiness. His arms bound tighter around you, trembling with nervous energy. You could feel the heat of his tears on your skin, and it was enough to break you. You cried too, clutching back with fingers curled into his dark hair.

Such euphoria, that you had planned on for so long. Had nearly written it on your calendar you felt so in command of when it would occur. Then when it had been denied and denied and denied, the least painful route was simply to give up hope. To comfort yourself with the knowledge that Benedict brought you so many other euphorias, it almost seemed selfish to demand this one too. But now it was yours, and you felt spoiled by the universe. Spoiled but oh so grateful.

Gaining some semblance of control over himself, he hovered his face above yours once more, eyes wild, breathless. “You’re…oh my god…we’re…”

You laughed through your tears. “Yes, my love.”

His hand brushed warm over your belly, reverently. You could already see in his eyes that he was going to treat you like you were made of glass for the next nine months. It would be equal parts endearing and aggravating. The house projects would be laden with a new layer of stress, everything now with a greater sense of urgency, and he would try to do it all himself.

Immediately confirming your assumption, he snapped to attention. “I’m clearing the beds tomorrow.”

You pulled his lips down to yours and hummed. “Not if I don’t let you out of ours.”

At the very least, you could delay his preparation mania for one day. You wouldn’t let him bear every burden on his own. You would build your home together, the two of you, until there were three. Then you would keep building, and see what other gifts lay in store.

With a smirk, he scooped you into his arms and rushed back into the cottage, the two of you giggling like fools.

No tagging, just goofin

#bridgerton #bridgerton fanfiction #benedict bridgerton #benedict bridgerton fanfiction #bridgerton x reader #bridgerton x you #bridgerton x y/n #bridgerton imagine #benedict bridgerton x reader #benedict bridgerton x you #benedict bridgerton x y/n #benedict bridgerton imagine #female reader #domestic fluff #fluff #my cottage #modern au

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starlit-grace · 9 months

Text

Robot girlfriend Ship of Theseus expanded edition for @k1nky-r0b0t-g1rl

Buckle up because this is loooooong. CW for light robosex and unnecessary world building. Also some of the plot details are a bit of a stretch but I couldn't just write smut without a story in there.

Older femme robot girl goes into a shop to get some routine maintenance done but instead of her regular guy there's this stunning young brown butch who steps in. Apparently, she inherited the shop after her uncle died. "Don't worry", she says, "he taught me everything he knew." The older femme robot girl thinks to herself that the lack of experience on the mechanic's part isn't exactly what she was worried about but agrees to get her maintenance done anyways.

The mechanic makes her lie down on the workbench as usual and gets to work opening her up. She focuses on her work while the robot girl tries her hardest to not think about her soft fingers brushing up against her most sensitive parts. The mechanic does nothing to indicate her awareness of this, but her deft hands do seem to linger on her ram chips for just a touch longer than absolutely necessary.

Eventually the mechanic is finished with the routine maintenance, but notices something slightly off. She informs the robot girl of this and gets permission to dig deeper. She roots through her guts while the robot girl stifles a moan and eventually finds the issue. Some wiring is starting to decay which could be a symptom of a larger issue. She's gonna need to do some very intensive repairs if the robot girl wants to continue moving after a few years. The robot girl agrees to the repairs since she very much wants to continue living and also getting to see the mechanic girl more often won't be such a bad idea.

The robot girl returned after a week to find the mechanic girl's sweaty back turned to her as she was hunched over a different project that she quickly covered with a cloth before attending to her customer. She didn't quite know why but she felt oddly disturbing at the thought of the mechanic having projects other than her, despite her logic centres informing her that it was quite literally her job. As she resumed her usual place, she resolved to check her feelings settings and try to reduce her attachment to this human.

This was supposed to be a purely professional relationship... even though the mechanic had offered to fix her wiring at no extra cost... and her caramel hands were so, so soft... and she could almost imagine her touching her CPU with those hands... The robot girl decided that she would allow herself these thoughts only while the human was working on her and then never think about it again.

The mechanic girl continued rooting through the wires but the issue seemed to be getting more and more complex the more she looked at it. The source of the issue seemed to be something else entirely and she couldn't quite figure out what. Her only idea was to hook the robot girl up to a screen to run some major diagnostics which would almost be like entering someone's brain. She looked over to the robot girl who seemed to have gone into sleep mode and decided it was worth the invasion of privacy if it helped her find the source of the problem. She plugged in her screen and was about to switch to the BIOS screen, but instead was greeted by a *very* high definition image of herself stroking the robot girls CPU with one hand while the other was in her HDMI port.

The screen went dark and the robot girl immediately powered on and stood up. Her cores seemed to be overheating from sheer embarrassment. She muttered an apology, her eyes fixed to the floor. The mechanic girl was, luckily, a lot more decisive than her robot customer and simply walked forward, lifted her face up and pulled her into a kiss. The old novels used to talk about "sparks flying" when you kissed someone, but the mechanic girl didn't realize it would be quite so literal. The robot girl couldn't control herself and released an electric charge so strong that the mechanic's hair was standing on end and her face was blackened. The only thought on both their minds in that moment was "Worth it."

Over the next few months, the robot girl booked a double slot at the mechanic's. One for her repairs and one for "other services rendered" as the accounts kept by the shop claimed. One of these was the mechanic installing a hidden, password locked vagina into her new girlfriend. The rest of these was her testing its capabilities. The robot girl had heard that humans had sex to make babies instead of coming from a factory like normal people, but she never quite understood the appeal until she experienced a sweaty butch cock ramming into her chassis so hard she thought her memory card would become corrupted. The mechanic was extremely skilled with repairs, but her talents also extended to finding sensitive spots that would make her robot girlfriend display error codes. Stroking her CPU was an obvious one, but she also fingered her ports, especially her power port, jiggled the wiring that connected her ram slots to her motherboard and used an air can to blow on her fan blades. They always ended with the robot girl releasing a shockwave that made her hair stand on end and covered her face with soot.

Eventually, they stopped with the charade of customer and mechanic and settled down together. They were married eventually and the wedding kiss left the mechanic with her hair standing up and her face covered in soot. Life went on for a while and they were happy. Despite being married, the robot girl kept coming up with excuses for her wife to work on her so that she could get deep in her guts again and again. Eventually she thought she must have replaced all of her parts. Well except her CPU, which of course is a robot's most crucial component and which must only be tampered with in extreme circumstances. She did try to get her to uninstall and reinstall it, but her mechanic wife wouldn't allow such a dangerous operation solely for kink. In human terms this could be understood as taking someone's brain out of their body.

The robot girl was painting the scene outside her window as usual when she heard the mechanic fall in the workshop below. A heart attack. She called an ambulance in tears and fell to the floor beside her love. She racked her memory card for information that could help in the situation and remembered something crucial. The robot girl leaned down and kissed her wife. Sparks flew. The mechanic girl jolted awake, hacking and coughing. Her hair was standing on end and her face was covered in soot.

The med-bots at the hospital were very stern with the mechanic girl. She should not have been working so hard at her age. She was firmly advised to retire effective immediately. If any other mishaps occurred, it could be her last. The mechanic saw that she had no choice in the matter and agreed.

The mechanic was not the only one who the med bots checked up on. They also looked over the robot girl and her diagnosis was much more severe. The strong electric shock that occurs when they kiss was not a normal response. They examined her thoroughly and found the source of the problem. She was one of the very few surviving robots from just after the planned obsolescence laws.

Back then, robots were built with the intention of being discarded after a few short years. It was a darker time. The planned obsolescence laws codified that every robot would have a right to a life that was at least as long as a human life. Since then, robots enjoyed long lives, free of the fear of eventual death. But there were a couple of generations of robots who had come out just after the laws had passed that were designed to expire at the 85 year mark. This was slightly above the average human lifespan and the companies had simply artificially inflated the lifespan of their old CPUs which could at most last 20 years to more than quadruple that. It would work, just not very well. The robot girl needed a new CPU, but her model had extremely limited compatibility. In short, she would soon run out of time.

When they got back home, neither of them said anything. The robot girl turned to speak but the mechanic was already back in her workshop. She took no more customers, but kept tinkering with this project of hers which she told the robot girl nothing about, but was easy for her to guess. Her wife was planning on building her a new CPU. The robot confronted her wife about this eventually, but the mechanic brushed her off. "I run an Indian tech repair shop," she said, "I'm supposed to be able to fix anything with little to no resources. It's just what we do." The robot girl could see the toll this project was taking on her, but bit her tongue. She knew that her wife would not listen to reason.

The mechanic called the robot girl down to the shop for one final job. Her new CPU was hopefully everything she would need. Although, the mechanic chuckled, she would miss the sparks. It felt like a physical signifier of their love. The robot girl smiled, but inside she knew her time was up. She did not expect to survive this installation at her age, despite her wife's skill. The mechanic knew this too, but she had to try. She had to try to save her no matter what. So she laid her down on the workbench and started the install.

"You know you'll practically have a new brain now right? I hope you'll remember me." The mechanic's voice was heavy with emotion.

"Oh darling," replied the robot, "in a thousand lifetimes I could not forget you."

"You always did have a way with words babe... Ok I'm going to uninstall your CPU now. Are you ready?"

"I trust you, dear."

The mechanic closed her eyes and pulled the plug. The robot girl fell silent. The mechanic finished the install with tears in her eyes. She hooked up the monitor to the robot girl and ran diagnostics. The tests were fine, but her memory seemed to be having issues. It was very likely that the robot girl would either forget who her wife was completely, along with a lot of her memories. She would essentially be completely new, fresh off the line. The mechanic gritted her teeth and continued closing up her wife. She promised herself she would do whatever it takes to save her. As long as she could function, she didn't even need to be married to her. Or hold her hand and look out at the sunsets, or touch her ports... She shook her head and kept working.

Eventually she put the final piece of her chassis in place and powered her on. The robot girl's eyes flickered to life and she looked directly at the mechanic, who asked her in as even a tone as she could muster, "You've just been through a major operation. So it's normal to feel a little disoriented. Do you remember who you are?"

"Yes, yes I do."

"And so you remember who I am?"

"My dear, did I not just say it would take me a thousand lifetimes to forget you?"

The mechanic couldn't control herself any longer and she started sobbing in her wife's arms. "I was so scared baby I thought I lost you."

The robot girl held her wife closely and let her cry for some time, then lifted her face up and pulled her into a kiss.

The mechanic had made the new CPU a much better, more powerful version of her older one and hoped that it would prevent her from burning out. While she was right that it could in theory last a lot longer than her old one, it was also prone to more powerful versions of the same issues that the previous one experienced. And so the story ends.

Sparks flew.

Some time later, the mechanic's family would drop in for a visit to find her body lying on top of her wife's body. The mechanic had died of cardiac arrest that came about due to a strong electric shock. the robot had died of a power overload from a similar electric shock which she was especially vulnerable to as she had just gotten a new CPU installed. They were buried together as indicated by the robot girl's last will and testament found above the workshop in their house. It seemed to have been written relatively recently. As the casket containing both their bodies was lowered into the ground, the onlookers could see that despite the best attempts of the medical assistants to make her corpse look pretty, the mechanic's hair was standing up on end and her face was blackened like soot.

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goodluckdetective · 8 months

Text

FIC: FIVE HOURS (Tumblr Edition)

Ship: Durge/Astarion but this is a fic about Astarion

Fandom: BG3

Warnings: Astarion backstory is referenced in passing

Rating: PG-13

AO3

Summary:

Being controlled by one’s dark urge is hard, but watching someone you care for lose themselves might be harder. Or Astarion and five hours spent watching over someone he can no longer recognize. (How do you keep hating yourself as a monster when you've started to fall for one?)

Notes:

Hello, I took one look at vampire man and Durge and went “ah yes, the drama of falling in love with someone who sees themselves as a monster.” This fic does have a custom dark urge/durge because I don’t think it hits as hard otherwise, but it’s very much a fic about Astarion. Rune in this piece is me holding up a mirror and going “if you’re gonna to see the humanity in this person, then why do you refuse to do it for yourself” while Astarion hisses like a cat. Sorry bud, get perceived. All you need to know about Rune is that they’re a NB human wild magic sorcerer (they/them) A big thanks to @dykezambo and Rose for being my beta readers. I salute you.

Fic is below the cut

HOUR ONE:

Astarion thinks it might still be some sort of sick prank until Rune Tavernus’ eyes roll up into the back of their head and they collapse to the ground in a heap.

A prank would make more sense than this, Astarion thinks, as he scrambles onto his feet and towards the unconscious sorcerer. Rune wasn’t much of a prankster, but they did have some wit and a streak of dark humor to match. What the point would be of a prank like this was beyond Astarion, but in his head he can manufacture a bizarre scenario where Rune thinks it would be funny to give Astarion a taste of his own medicine with a sinister wake-up call. And yes, the whole explanation of “killing the one they cared most for” didn't fit the prank theory, Rune wouldn’t play with his feelings so brazenly, but when one's occasional bedmate starts rambling about being forced to kill you, a cruel trick tends to be a kinder explanation.

And then Rune passed out and that idea had gone out the metaphorical window.

“Shit,” Astarion says, pressing his palm to their forehead. Rune runs warm to Astarion, almost everyone does, but they feel clammy to the touch. Their short white hair is almost damp with sweat and sticks to their forehead. He shakes them, once, then twice, calling their name with increasing volume, but they don’t stir. That in itself is alarming; Rune is not a deep sleeper. In fact, they’re known for sleeping poorly, waking up from unremembered dreams with a choked-off scream. Every morning they chug whatever caffeinated beverage Halsin brews as soon as it’s cool enough not to burn their tongue.

Rune doesn’t rouse even after a minute of shaking. Astarion considers waking Shadowheart, but the whole business with Alfira gives him enough pause to instead first go for the rope in his pack. Rune had been back to normal by morning when she was slain; if this is similar, then Astarion would just have to wait until dawn for a full explanation. With a great deal of effort on his part, he drags Rune to an open bedroll closest to the fire and binds their arms together as well as their legs, feeling somewhat like out of body.

(He tries hard to not think of a pig prepared for slaughter. He tries harder to not think about how Cazador might have tied up the people he brought home the very same way.)

“You know, this was not the situation I was envisioning when the idea of you and rope came to mind,” he says, because making a flirty joke is familiar and Gods knows he needs something familiar right now. This is a situation he can handle better as Astarion the rake, who lets nothing get too close, who brushes off mortal peril with a quick comment and a fake grin. When he’s sure the ropes are tight, he walks over to his bedroll, and grabs a blanket to sit on, a light scroll, a book, and after some hesitation, his daggers.

(He’s not going to need them, he isn’t. Rune gave him these daggers and told him to “keep them as sharp as your fangs” should he choose to use them.)

(He desperately hopes he’s not going to need them).

Once his supplies are grabbed and organized, he places the blanket on the ground and sits on it. He casts light on a nearby wilted plant, and sits back. He looks at the sorcerer he has bedded in a gambit for security and thinks about how said gambit turned on its head when he found he actually rather liked the person who offered to cast him minor illusion to see his own reflection and provided their blood in a land of shadows because “you shouldn’t starve.”

“I will admit this isn’t how I wanted to spend my evening, but I suppose I’ll survive.” He reaches for his book and opens it, even though he doubts he’s going to be able to focus enough to read a word. “Hopefully, this is all a false alarm, and I can simply catch up on this chapter. Do you think the Count will actually manage to make any progress in his grand plan, or is he going to keep dithering about Waterdeep for another thirty pages?”

(The book was also a gift from Rune, though it was not the first one the sorcerer gave him. A day after reaching the Blighted Village, Astarion had sneaked back from his midnight meal to find the human grumbling over a slightly burnt text near the fire. Hoping to distract them from the fact he was awake in the first place, Astarion had inquired about the books’ contents, only to find himself the audience for a tirade about overly complicated murder plots. Apparently, Rune had strong opinions on the accuracy of snakes climbing ropes. From that point on, Astarion had found himself part of the world’s strangest murder mystery book club, where the pair both tried to guess how the murder took place and then endlessly complained about how overcomplicated it was when stabbing them in an alley would work just fine).

Rune does not reply. Astarion doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not. Instead of debating it further, he instead tries to turn his attention to the text in front of him, and hopes that Rune is wrong and the only thing that will occur this night is Astarion getting some reading in and Rune waking up with some neck pain.

HOUR TWO:

Rune wakes up around ten minutes after the first hour mark.

That isn’t quite correct. Something wakes up around the ten minute mark. It is not Rune.

Astarion knows it before they even open their mouth. From the moment they wake up, they struggle against their own bindings, jerking much like a wounded animal caught in a trap. When their eyes open, there are none of the emotions he’s used to seeing in their expression, instead an empty raw look that reminds Astarion of a starving hound. Before he can say a word, they snarl at him.

“I see my rope is sadly going to good use,” Astarion says, putting the book aside and getting on his knees in case he needs to stand and get away. He doubts it, those knots should hold and Rune doesn’t seem to be capable of casting spells at the moment, but it's best to be cautious.

“I will rip out your tongue and swallow it whole,” Rune says in a voice that does not sound like Rune at all. It’s a whole octave lower, and there’s a throaty edge to it, like the human has inhaled smoke.

“I know I tease quite a bit, but ripping out my tongue is rather excessive, don’t you think?” The banter doesn’t land, it’s almost like Rune can’t even hear him. Astarion wonders if they will even remember this in the morning.

He hopes not. He can remember watching his body follow Cazador’s every order as he tried desperately to claw back control. It is a fate he would not wish on any of his companions.

It occurs to him that this could be like a possession. It would make the most sense, and the impulse to wake up Shadowheart returns. Rune hisses and snaps forward, trying to bite one of his hands and Astarion steps back. He can see drool and blood from their now broken lip fall onto the bedroll.

( He can see himself in a coffin, snapping at the rat Cazador is holding out for him with a wicked smile .)

No, he won’t wake her. Not yet at least, not unless morning comes without a respite. Instead he shakes his head, tries to keep his voice light.

“Ah, ah, ah, we ask before we bite.”

Rune snaps at him again, struggling at the bindings and Astarion can smell the blood from broken skin on their wrists and lip. His own mouth waters and he ignores it.

If there is one thing he learned in Cazador’s halls, it was how to be hungry.

HOUR THREE:

After an hour, the thing that has taken Rune’s face stops threatening to murder him and starts growling instead. Despite it being off-putting, Astarion is thankful for the respite, as all the comments about ways to display his internal organs were getting old.

“You’re cute, you know.,” he says, too tired to think through what he’s saying. “In another life we might have been friends.”

It’s an odd thought that comes to mind, the concept of him meeting whatever this is back when he was under Cazador’s boot. What would he make of someone like this, who growled murderous insults and clawed at the ground as if the dirt could draw blood? Interesting perhaps? Maybe pitiful? An asset against Cazador?

(He knows what he would have done. He would have dragged them back to the manor and not had a second thought as soon as Cazador had them in his clutches. He would have gone back to the rooms and thought nothing more of a human with white hair, a lanky build and a soft smile. He would have continued on and not known that should he have met that same human during the day, they would ask him about the embroidery on his sleeves and tease him that magistrates were actually in contact with the hells. He would not even know the human’s name when the sun rose to a world they no longer occupied).

(He cannot think about this. He refuses).

He feels like he’s going to be sick.

“On second thought,” he says, looking away from Rune. The shadow lands around them seem darker at night. He finds himself desperate for the sun. “It’s probably for the best that we didn't meet at all.”

The thing that is not Rune growls again, with more energy this time.

“Growl all you want but it won’t stop the dawn. This will be over soon.”

HOUR FOUR:

Whatever is controlling Rune goes back to insults eventually, though their voice frayed from all the growling. Astarion ignores most of them, until one in particular captures his attention.

“I will wed you with a delicate veil of blood blooming over your white curls.”

Astarion stares at Rune, or whatever is possessing them, with a rather shocked expression. It says something about his life, or undeath, he supposes, that the word “wed” is the one that caught him off guard in that sentence, not the rest of it. Marriage is not a concept he has thought about in relationship to himself for at least a century. When he was younger it had its allure, Astarion was serious when he said Wyll was the type of man he dreamed of marrying when he was thirteen, but now? He’s a spawn, for Gods sake. Creatures like him either die or become vampire lords: there are no other endings.

He does not say any of this out loud. Instead he goes for a quip.

“Marriage? Darling, I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, we’re not even-“

He cuts off. They’re not even what? More than bedmates? That’s not right: he hasn’t bedded Rune since they entered the shadowlands and Rune has made no complaint about it at all. Not even friends? That didn’t seem right either. He’s not sure how to label how he feels about this human, but when one offers to draw your scars in the dirt so you can see them and you actually let them, you were probably at least friends. Exclusive? No, that also doesn’t fit. Astarion hasn’t bothered to lie with anyone else in camp and Rune hasn’t either, even when Astarion made it clear he didn’t mind. And it wasn’t like Rune didn’t have options to pick from: Lae’Zel’s proposal had been quite direct and Astarion had bit the inside of his cheek to not laugh as their usually composed sorcerer flushed peach pink. Gale had made an attempt as well, though Rune didn’t tell him about that one until afterwards.

“I’ve spoiled you too much for even the lover of a Goddess. How flattering!” They were in Rune’s tent at the time, a mage light cast upon a blue crystal Rune kept around for decor. It was one of the few pieces of decoration they kept around consistently, as the human tended to switch things out, trying to figure out what they liked and what they didn’t from the ruins of their memory. Rune had returned from a talk with Gale with a moderate flush and after a glass of terrible wine and some cajoling, Astarion had gotten the whole story out of them.

Rune tilted their head and shook it slightly. Their hair was rumpled from a day of casting electricity magic, and Astarion resisted the urge to curl his fingers into one of the white cowlicks. Something about the lack of polish Astarion found endearing.

“No, no, not that,” they said. “It’s just, well for one, I don’t like him like that. And even if I did, well-” Rune took a sip of their wine, finishing off the glass. “His last relationship wasn’t good for him-”

“Darling, you cannot kill the Goddess of magic,” Astarion said, noticing a hard glint in their eyes. It wasn’t like Astarion was on board with the idea as a concept, the Goddess sounded dreadful, but he rather liked existing and fighting Gods was a speedy way to die. He didn’t mind Rune’s more violent tendencies, but he’d rather they not get themselves smited.

“Anyway-” Rune continued, ignoring him. “He’s a sweet man but, well.” They placed the glass on a wooden stump Rune used as a side table and tangled their fingers together. It was something they did when they were being thoughtful. “Gale seems to admire me too much for his own good. I’d ruin him.”

That was not the answer Astarion was expecting. He sat up on his own bedroll, a feeling of apprehension coming over him.

“And what, you think I’m-” Already ruined? That stung more than Astarion cared to admit, even if it wasn’t surprising. He didn’t finish his sentence. He couldn’t. Saying it out loud made it seem too concrete, too physical, too noticeable.

"What! No!” Rune’s eyes grew large and they shook their head violently. They tore their left hand from their right to gesture with and for a moment, Astarion feared for the fate of the wine glass on the table should they accidentally knock it off. With their right hand, they reached out and grabbed Astarion’s hand tightly, while their left reached out for his jaw, pausing a moment so he could turn away should the touch be unwanted. Astarion didn’t protest, and Rune’s hand touched his chin briefly to tilt his head up so he’d meet their eyes. “No, absolutely not. Shit, I could have phrased that better. Gods, no, Astarion, I didn’t mean it that way.”

"And in what way could you mean it?” The sneer in Astarion’s voice wasn’t intentional, but it was better than sounding hurt.

Rune bit their lower lip, which was something Astarion often found adorable when he was in a better mood. They looked away from him, took a steadying breath, then looked back. “I’d ruin Gale because he’s a hopeless romantic. He’s sweet, but he has a nasty habit of hubris; if faced with an unstoppable problem, he’d burn himself alive to fix it. I’m not saying you’re not smart, or romantic-“

“Or beautiful, don’t forget beautiful.”

Rune chuckled, some tension leaving their shoulders. “That too, as well as quite vain.” Astarion pouted at the addendum but let the sorcerer finish. “I’m saying you’re smart enough to run away.”

Astarion considered that for a moment. It was certainly better than what he’d originally thought, but he wasn’t quite sure if it was a compliment. What was that supposed to mean? “Are you calling me a coward now?”

Rune smiled, a little sad, and rubbed their thumb across the back of his hand. It was unfamiliar but nice. “No, no, more realistic .” They leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, something they’d previously only done after sex. “I just know you’ll be safe, that’s all. That you wouldn’t hurt yourself for a hopeless cause.”

Rune jerks again in their sleep, snapping Astarion out of the memory. Thinks of resignation in the sorcerer's eyes that night, how something about it ached. How familiar the sentiment felt.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Astarion says as the sorcerer spits out another cruel insult.

He’s shocked to find that he means it.

HOUR FIVE

Astarion has spent much of life afraid, but he has never been so frightened when the dawn is an hour away and Rune has not stopped twitching.

He thought he was done with this, the idea of caring for others. After the year in the darkness, he’d swore to never care about anyone again except himself because caring was a luxury and he couldn’t even afford to buy new clothes. The tadpole has given him more freedom than he’s had in centuries but as long as Cazador was alive, caring was supposed to be off the table.

And yet. And yet.

Astarion intended for Rune to be a means to an end. Someone to wind around his finger like an armor against the world. But Astarion does not find himself panicking when his armor is dented or bruised. Astarion does not spend more time with his armor than necessary so it will not be lonely. Astarion does not worry that should his armor learn it was initially a means to an end of keeping him safe, it will never trust him again.

(This metaphor is rubbish, this Astarion knows. Watching someone you care for deeply scrape their wrists raw makes one less adept in turns of phrases).

For the first time all night, Rune whimpers, a small soft noise that would have frozen Astarion’s heart if it was still beating. Rune doesn’t whimper (well, not unless it was in the fun sort of way). They’re reluctant to show weakness or accept the comfort they so freely give to others. For them to sound like this-

Astarion reaches forward and when the human doesn't try to bite him, he pushes their white hair back and out of their eyes. They were drenched in sweat, and still clammy. Before he can pull away, they lean into his hand with a sigh, seeking comfort from frozen hands, and Astarion feels his throat tighten.

“This thing can’t have you,” he says, running his thumb against their forehead wrinkles and a faded scar just over their right eyebrow. They are so covered in scars, and each day they risk gaining even more. “It won’t win.”

Rune doesn’t respond to his statement, instead breathing softly. They must have finally worn themselves out to fall asleep. Astarion considers pulling his hand back, he probably should given the threat were they to wake up again, but he finds himself reluctant to do so, instead continuing to gently stroke the sorcerer’s brow with his thumb.

“You have no idea what you do to me, do you?” He whisperes. The birds were starting to chirp now, singing their song in anticipation of the sunrise. “Come back to yourself, and I’ll consider telling you. I think that’s a fair bargain.”

DAYBREAK:

Day comes and Rune returns with it.

They don’t open their eyes right away, tense and still. Astarion can see them rub their hands together and they stiffen further when the sorcerer’s thumb runs across some dried blood on their palm. He doesn’t understand why until the corner of their eyes tighten and they suck in a short breath, a whisper of a sob on the precipice.

Rune told the entire camp that when Alfira died, they’d woken up in the morning with their hands covered in blood. For them to wake up and find the same sensation present-

“It’s your own blood, darling,” Astarion says, reaching forward to place his hand on their shoulder. Their eyes open wide, and they take him in with a look that Astarion feels like he might be able to name if he lived a kinder existence. “You rubbed your wrists raw enough to bleed, I’m afraid.”

“Astarion,” they said, lips parting, some tension melting from their frame. “You’re alright.” Then, they flinch, pain crossing their features. “Ow, my neck.”

Astarion almost wants to cry at the complaint. “You might have strained it trying to bite me. Do you remember that?”

Given the sudden look of horror on Rune’s expression, they do now.

Rune explains what they can after Astarion unties them. Most of it are things Astarion already knows; Alfira, the urges, the loss of sleep. The insight about Isobel and the butler is a new one, and he thinks back to the cape in his tent that Rune had shoved onto him like they couldn’t get rid of it fast enough. At the time, Astarion thought the gift was an attempt to curry his favor. He’s not sure how to view the gift with this new context.

“I was wondering why you didn’t want to spend much time enjoying Harper's hospitality,” Astarion muses. He watches as Rune rubs their wrists with their palms, trying to massage out the aches. They will need to see a healer for certain; Astarion knows they’ve been dabbling in the bardic arts but not enough to heal injuries.

“I thought I couldn’t risk it,” Rune says, moving to pick up the rope. Astarion watches as they cast mending and then pull at each end. When the rope holds firm, they hand it back to Astarion. “I thought the less time I spent around there, the less likely I might slip up.”

“If you’d shared that earlier, I would have grumbled less about the horrors of the great outdoors.”

Rune shoots him an apologetic frown. “I thought telling Isobel would be enough. I never thought-“ They close their eyes briefly and sigh. “I should have considered it a possibility. I’m sorry.” When they open their eyes again, Astarion does not miss how they take a step away from him. They look towards the other tents, avoiding his gaze.

“I should tell the others.”

Astarion reaches forward and grabs their wrist. They pull back for a moment and Astarion loosens his grip to make it clear that’s an option, if they want it. But after a second passes and they don’t pull away, he pulls their hand up to inspect the rope burns and cuts. Their wrists are going to bruise a sickening greenish-yellow.

“You don’t have to tell them if you don’t want.” Astarion says, dropping their wrist. He forces a smile, makes sure his fangs are visible. “I can keep a secret.”

Rune’s hand reaches forward and up, like they are going to touch Astarions face, then stops, dropping arruptly. Astarion finds himself disappointed by the lack of contact. How strange.

“I know you can,” they said. “But they deserve to know that there’s a danger. I can’t hide a monster from everyone.” And with that they head off towards Lae’Zel’s tent, to start gathering everyone for an unpleasant announcement.

It takes Astarion a moment to realize the “monster” they’re talking about is Rune themselves.

*******************

Rune tells everyone about the night once everyone is up, gathering everyone around the remains of the fire. For someone who might not have slept more than an hour last night, they’re relatively composed as they tell the story, though they don’t look anyone in the eye as is their usual habit. As the tale begins to wind down, Astarion is reluctant to look at their companions either.

It occurs to Astarion halfway through Rune’s tale something that he should have realized much earlier: he might be content to camp with a sleeping murderer, but other people might object. In fact, most people might protest to such a situation, and he can feel himself grow colder as he realizes a grave mistake.

When Rune woke him last night, Astarion saw someone who needed their help. He’d held off from grabbing anyone else for the sake of Rune’s privacy. But he never considered they might see something else: a monster needing to be exorcized.

He steps closer to Rune and is very glad they are wearing their gear. Astarion doesn’t think most of the camp will attack Rune, it would be foolhardy given the prism’s like of their resident sorcerer, but fear makes people foolish and he is not betting Rune’s life. The sorcerer doesn’t appear to be paying much attention to their crowd at all, a rarity for them, speaking of an urge to maim and kill as they stare down at their raw wrists. When they bring their story to a close, their voice is a whisper from overuse.

“And that’s it,” they say, rubbing a thumb over a red mark on their left hand. “I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret, you know that, I just-it escalated so fast. I thought-no I hoped, Alfira was a one off and when I realized otherwise, well-“ A half hearted shrug. “I’m sorry for not saying anything earlier but that’s all I know.” They look up, exhausted. “I can’t promise it won’t happen again. I’m terrified it will happen again.”

Rune is looking at Astarion when he says the last part. Astarion knows what they’re trying to say, besides the obvious. The statement is one part apology and one part resignation. Permission for him to run away as fast as possible and not look back.

He should run away, that’s the thing. Or at least consider it. Astarion has spent two centuries desperately wishing for the power to just run away, and now that he has it, he should be taking it as far away from this ruinous sorcerer as possible.

He doesn’t want to. It’s ridiculous, and ludicrous and absurd, but he doesn’t want to. Not because this group offers him the closest thing he has to protection against Cazador, not because the prism might not work if he runs too far, but because the person who is now the greatest threat to his person was also the one who offered him blood when he was starving, who stole him gently used clothes because he had none, who treated him not with pity or condemnation but as a person.

Astarion has so little he could call his own. But whatever relationship lies between him and Rune mocking poorly painted portraits and trying to solve mystery novels three chapters in was his. He will not throw it away so easily.

Karlach speaks first. “So, how are we doing this then? I’m thinking about shifts so no one gets too tired?”

“What?” Rune sounds entirely lost and Astarion finds he doesn’t follow either. He watches as Karlach counts everyone in camp off on her fingers.

“Well, there are seven of us total, so we could probably each pick a different day and then rotate who has two shifts each tenday.”

“Do you think one of us would be suitable alone, or should we do pairs,” Lae’Zel adds, looking equally contemplative. A smile starts to spread across Astarion’s face as he realizes what they’re discussing. “Though if Astarion could hand it by himself, pairs might be a wasteful use of manpower.”

“Hey-“ Astarion says but before he can speak further, Wyll chimes in.

“I can take tonight: I rested earlier last night anyway.”

“Are you guys offering to watch me sleep?” Rune says, staring at everyone with their mouth slightly open. It would be cute if they weren’t so incredulous.

“Ew, that makes it sound creepy,” Karlach says. “We’re watching you in case you get all stabby again.”

“Do they even know how to properly wield a blade?” Lae’Zel eyes Rune’s arms and raises an eyebrow. “They couldn’t even open a door two days ago.”

For the first time since they’ve woken, Rune sounds something other than exhausted. “That door was solid stone-“

“Rune can wield a blade just fine,” Astarion purrs, trying to hide the relief that this is the result of this conversation. Everyone groans, Rune included.

They hash out the specifics of the rotation after that. No one mentions when Rune rubs at their eyes and takes a shuddering breath, nor do they point out how they cling to Karlach when she pulls them into a hug. Shadowheart offers to take a look at her religious texts to see if this malady might be divine in nature, while Gale offers in turn to message Tara and inquire about some texts he has back in Waterdeep. By the time Astarion and Rune are left alone, there is a full schedule set for watching the sorcerer for fits, with Astarion free to steal any extra should he wish to monopolize their time for himself without watching eyes. Rune looks an odd mix of fond and overwhelmed.

Astarion’s heart twists at that. Was that how he looked, when Rune offered him blood upon being rudely awoken? Was that how Astarion looked the next morning when everyone else learned of his affliction and no one began sharpening a stick?

Gratitude should not hurt so much.

“I know you said it’s worth the peril but I did mean it, you know. When I said you could run. I won’t take it personally.” Rune says after a moment. They’re looking him in the eye, a sharp contrast to earlier when they were speaking about their urges.

“You did mention it, yes. You know, you told me it wasn’t an insult but I find myself rather insulted. Do you truly expect me to cut and run?”

Rune’s chin tilts up, their face stoic, but Astarion can hear the hint of a tremble in their voice. “You should.”

Astarion thinks to last night. How Rune had woken him up and in a shaky voice told him that his life was in danger solely due to the sorcerer’s care. A care Rune apparently doesn’t expect to be returned in light of this recent revelation.

Astarion will have to remedy that. Come clean about his whole botched scheme really, which he’s frankly dreading, but some tasks are worth doing despite the mess. Now isn’t the best time but soon. He’s hoping he’ll find the right words soon enough, words that are actually his instead of automatic cloying phrases used over two centuries of hell. To stop feeling like he needs to put on an act.

“I’ve been doing quite a few things I shouldn’t do recently; walking in the sun, leaving the city, snacking on nearby sorcerers,” He turns to Rune and quirks one eyebrow. “I might as well keep at it with such excellent results.”

Rune blushes and chuckles. Their hand is right there, should Astarion wish to take it, but it doesn’t feel right, not until he tells them the entire truth at least. Hopefully it will still be there once the dust has settled.

It might be nice, he thinks, to lace his fingers between theirs and know that he’s doing so solely because he wants to.

#iz writes #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #durge #dark urge #durgestarion #astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 fic

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