#i tried to play it and i couldnt get into it please dont judge me

[herecomemac]

Have I played any Dragon Age game? No.

Do I have a big weakness for Lucanis from Veilguard? Absolutely.

[dreamteamecho]

this is a long one, tw for death, violence and the law

i was streaming & got a notif that my dad was also streaming. i pull it up offscreen & hes chatting with joe rogan. i couldnt fucking believe my eyes so, at the risk of doxxing, i showed it to the stream. he said something about how women should just be baby carriers & mothers and nothing else so i said something like "he says those types of things and then wonders why no one wants to talk to him." he ends up seeing that, i assume we got into it on a call the next day (dream skipped past it) and so one night, he breaks in. i woke up to a bad feeling & started recording on my phone, only to be met with a rag to my face only minutes later. i go into selfdefense mode and flip out, knockkng over a lamp, i get a break and i grab my machete. well he starts coming back after me, so i slice his eyes (he can still see) after a little bit we back off each other and he starts pulling out a gun. i slash his wrist, grab the gun, back away and point it at him. i warn him not to do anything, when it comes to life or death i dont care who i have to deal with, i already majorly damaged him, he should run away before the cops get here. im not bluffing but i really dont want to do it. he goes into the hallway. im about to go in after him but it seems off, so i keep pointing. he comes barreling back through so i shoot his shoulder. he stays on the ground, i grab a rag and throw it to him so he can keep himself from bleeding, i race over to my mom and wake her the fuck up. he runs away before anyone gets here.

timeskip a week! hes pressing charges against me. because i used "too much force" or whatever. im up on the stand, they question me things that i cant really recall now, but i am like "my feelings toward him are 45% love 45% fear 10% dislike" at some point. i get down, dads put on the stand, his own lawyer starts questioning him and he ends up going into an angry tirade about me. hoping i was killed, insulting me, hoping i have violence against me, and hoping i have the other type of violence against me. i look a bit bored so the judge asks me about it. i say its due to the freeze response, and ive heard all of this from either myself or from nightmares anyways. he keeps going on, the judge at this point is just letting him build his own case against him, and he starts pulling out a gun. i duck & flip the chair so its harder to see me. he shoots and the bullet grazes my shoulder and lands in the wood behind me. (alternatively he points at the cops, my dreams like to go back for alternate paths) 5 shots are heard and i stay curled up in a ball, not allowing myself to look as they carry him out. i sit up and say to my lawyer "yknow, even after all of this, a small part of me hoped that maybe one day, maybe a decade later, we would have a decent relationship, i could feel safe around him and have fun playing videogames together." the judge asks for us to rise & puts me down as innocent/cleared. im very much not ok mentally. dream decided to take two paths after the hearing.

path one: i ask my mom for 10 bucks & if i can be alone as i go and get some dairy queen. after some bickering, i just say i need 15 minutes and then you can also come in. she agrees, frustrated, and lets me go. i grab a blizzard, i sit down, im visibly not ok, someone sits in the booth across from me. i vent to them after asking if theyre ok with hearing really heavy stuff, and then after recounting, say im dreading when my mom comes in. i see her a moment later and beg him not to leave me. he obliges, she sits next to me, and she starts talking shit & bitching about people to me. he tries to hint to her to knock it off. she ignores it, i end up snapping, leaving the table, and it cuts off to try a different route

path two: we come out, my mom goes immediately into bitching about him & people in her game shes playing. i cut her off and tell her i want to be alone & could i please have 20$ for dq. (btw i dont have a bank acct or job in this) she ends up trying to push my buttons as best as she could, and i tell her if shes worried she can get an officer to look after me, otherwise im running into the wilderness and shes going to lose me for an hour & im going to be lost for an hour. she huffs, and gets a police officer to watch over me because ""she was afraid i was going to do something to myself."" cop brings it up, i shut that shit down, and say i thought it was for my safety against other people (and myself, but im not going to do something like that!!) i ask if i can vent to him about smth heavy, he says no, and now we're at the dq. i ask if he wants anything, he mentions bribes, i say im sorry i offered i didnt know that. i grab the blizzard, i sit at the table, im visibly not ok still, i say to the cop that i just cant make ends or tails of what the hell just happened. the cashier offers to be a shoulder, i tell the cop to go further away so he doesnt hear, he obliges, bro didnt want to be there. i go up and vent to the cashier, she says my moms borderline unhuman for not even asking if im ok or how im feeling or shes sorry that happened. at some point i bang my head against the metal counter so the cop goes over and asks if im ok. i say "physically, im alive, mentally, im scarred." eventually the cops called away, i thank the cashier, and i wander over to the university library and study until i either fall asleep or went back home. at some point im just looking at the ceiling, someone comes over to look at books and im like "i feel like im going 70mph up the road to mount [redacted]'s town" theyre like man thats a pretty high speed to be at on that road and im like yeah. anyways timeskip i end up getting a therapist and im at the park after dark, i have to leave bc a cop shows up & it just turned to closing hours.

thats the end of my daymare. i was trying to go back to sleep during this. i dont control my daydreams most of the time.

[kimiehasthoughts]

Hey ladybugs,

Im going to hopefully give you more insights into me. So i wanted this to be a personal post. I've tried to keep this pretty tame but I do mention my eating disorder. I just want you to know that once you start focusing on yourself things will get better. Follow your heart if you read nothing else. Here's a tiny piece of my story below.

Dont let people project things they dislike about themselves on you. This seems to happen to me a lot. All my life I've literally been told that i couldnt do anything at all that I wanted to do. I let others put limitations on me because they themselves never felt they could do anything they wanted. Is that ok to you?

I wanted to do ballet, told I was too fat. I developed an eating disorder. I wore baggy clothes in middle school because I even had teachers tell me my chest was too big to wear fitted clothing. Honestly, I wasnt fat but I went through puberty early. I was just curvy. I am fat now because of how I've dealt with my depression via food. I struggled with anorexia in my teens then binge eating in my 20s. My highest weight was 218. I havent gotten bigger than 187 in recent years. My goodness if I didnt want to be tall and slender. I envied people who were model thin and had small chests. My fitness journey has become so important to me because I just want to look the way I want to look. I want to be 127 and im ok with the fact I wont have a small chest or slender figure. Its ok that I dont have a slender ballerina body. I spent too much time hating my hourglass shape. It was never anything to hate its just how im built. All bodies are beautiful. I realized I can still take adult ballet lessons. I want lessons so that my lines look good when I start Lyra Hoop. This is what I decided to do to fix this childhood wound. Im going to be ok.

I wanted to do acting was told its not a real job or goal to aspire. It was something I had natural ability, to become a different person. I got lead roles in school plays I was even told by official judges in competition I was a natural. Honestly, I realized I played a role all my life. I've played someone that wasn't me. Probably why I latched on so hard to acting in plays. It was easy for me because being anyone but myself was more bearable. Im not playing anymore roles to escape being me. Im stepping firmly into myself in my 30s. I can only be me. Im ok with this too.

I wanted to finally move to a different state was told stay here because it was no way I could make it without "support". The truth is no one ever supported me here (except my husband, he's always loved me even though I always see myself as too broken). Something just always felt wrong with me. I became more isolated the more profound my depression became. The lower my self esteem became the more I distance myself from connection. No one ever got to know me anyway. How could they when I never knew myself? All thats changing because Im firm in knowing who i want to be. Im not there yet, but (but, but, but) I see so clearly what I want for myself. I definitely know through all this struggle who I am not. Totally ok with this.

I was never a lead character in my own life. I was 28 when I realized I chipped away at parts of myself to please others (or my perceptions of what others wanted from me). Screw that, I'll do everything that my heart desires. Im turning 33 this year and I want to live my life for me. Doing what everyone always wanted never worked out for me. I gotta do what feels ok to me. This is all ok.

If this resonates, you can do anything you want to do. Never let people chip away parts of you. You're good enough. Im sorta a late bloomer but I feel great about my 30s. Life is for living so I must be active in my pursuit from now on. As long as you're living its never too late to do what you want to do. "Dont let your dreams be dreams."

🐞🫶🏾 Kimie

[lovelytsunoda]

behind the clouds ( iii ) // charles leclerc

summary: charles challenges judge bacri to a drag race, hoping that it will get him out of radiator springs faster. in the process, he also discovers that mateo and y/n aren’t that bad.

pairing: alfa romeo!charles x female reader

warnings: horrifically inaccurate drag race, sexual innuendos. mentions of jules ( may he rest in peace ) and charles's dad ( may he also rest in peace ).

authors note: part THREE of the radiator springs series based on disney pixar’s ‘cars’. so sorry that this has taken so long, i got distracted with the cozy collection and then monza is for believers! i hope you enjoy : )

it was another beautiful morning in radiator springs when emilie opened her diner at exactly six in the morning. l

the bustling diner was fifties themed: all red vinyl booths, bright linoleum countertops, elvis playing on the jukebox, a big poster of the ronettes behind the counter where emilie was standing by the old fashioned cash register. the diner must have been quite something in it's heyday, but when the decline in tourists began, so did radiator springs' downfall. the diner that was once packed to the brim was now half full on a good day.

ike clockwork, lukas and giovanni came in half an hour after opening for their full english breakfasts and coffee.

and also shockingly early in the morning, y/n y/l/n appeared to gather meals to bring to none other than the bane of her existence: charles leclerc.

she had thought about the devilishly handsome race car driver more often than she should have, thoughts about his delicious accent and distracting thighs keeping her up at night, fighting the urge to slip her hand down her cotton pajama shorts.

charles leclerc was fucking with her head, and she couldnt stand it.

"bringing racer boy a meal again?" emilie asked, quirking an eyebrow at the young lawyer as she packed another brown bag. "is there something we should know about? please tell me that you're at least using protection!"

"emilie!" y/n shouted in disbeleif. "come on, we all know volkov is barely feeding the guy. a growing boy like him needs to eat, and god knows his personal trainers probably dont let him eat anything with fat or grease."

"oh, i bet he gives you a different kind of grease, if you catch my drift, y/n." emilie chuckled. "romain said his car is gonna take a few weeks, you and leclerc might as well have some fun." the woman encouraged, pouring out a mug of coffee for one of the truckers sitting at the counter.

charles' face had been printed on every single newspaper printed in the last week, seemingly backing up the story he had attempted to tell the night that he was arrested. but bacri wasn't letting up, the judge deciding that now was not the time to reverse his decision. he'd been the judge in radiator springs for twenty five years, and he wasn't about to go back on a decision just because the accused was famous.

and y/n was partially grateful that she had made the man stay in town. she enjoyed getting to know charles, even if he was a bit of a jerk sometimes.

"that's enough, i'm leaving." y/n rolled her eyes, grabbing the keys for her porsche. "i've got two truckers staying at the inn tonight, and I gave a key to leclerc but i don't think he's made up his mind. i'd prefer if he stayed though. i don't really want to be alone with truckers for too long."

"it's a hallmark movie waiting to happen!" emilie shouted after her as she exited the diner through the front door, cutting of the end of the older woman's sentence with a smile and the slam of the glass door.

____________

charles had tried to force himself to eat breakfast. he really had.

but the sherriff of radiator springs was a worse cook than charles' own brother, arthur, and that was saying something. the driver was lying on the sad excuse of a mattress, staring at the ceiling and weighing his options. there had to be something he could do to get to germany in time, something other than speed-running the assignment and half-assing the garden.

the sound of a lock turning over made him jump, breathing heavily as he stared at the wooden door. the door swung inwards, a familiar face behind it.

y/n's hair fell in dutch braids over her shoulders, and she was dressed in a dainty summer romper with short, billowy sleevs and a v-neck that showed off her collarbones but didn't quite go down far enough to give charles a view of her breasts.

the intrepid young lawyer had been on charles' mind since the hearing, made even worse after she basically handed him keys to her house.

and he was seriously debating taking her up on that offer: better food, a better bed, and better company.

"i brought you breakfast from emilie's." she closed the door behind her, clearly intent on staying. "and i also wanted to ask if you could stay at the inn tonight? there are a couple truckers passing through, and i'm sure im worrying for nothing, they just look a little shifty and i don't really want to be there alone."

how could charles say no to a damsel in distress?

"yeah, sure. i can do that. but i feel like i should be doing something in return for you?"

"if you ever get back on the circuit, you can bring publicity back to radiator springs. lord knows this town needs it."

there was something wistful in her voice, something that pulled at charles' heart strings.

"i challenged that judge friend of your to a race. if i win, i get out of here." the driver said slowly, through a mouthful of fried egg. "people are probably worried sick, and that bastard volkov still has my phone. and my wallet."

y/n sighed. "thats the shittiest idea you've had yet, leclerc. even worse than that little private island suggestion you made in the courtroom."

charles flushed pink. "shit, i'm sorry about that. it was entitled of me and uncalled for."

"yeah, it was. i'll talk to volkov, see about getting you your stuff back. but are you sure that you want to go through with your plan? hilaire is a little bit of a legend around here. even romain can't beat him and god knows the guy has tried. have you ever even driven a stock car? it'll be a dirt race."

the radiator springs stock car race had been a big deal once upon a time, a tourist draw for the town. the curated collection of stock cars was still at mateo's, parked in a back lot.

hilaire bacri was the reigning champion, bit nobody knew how he had gotten that good. he was a straitlaced law student who graduated from oxford, not the kind of american heathens who were into nascar. emilie's husband romain had been driving anything with four wheels since he was twelve years old, a former karting champion who made it as far as formula renault in the mid-eighties before an accident ruined the muscles in his leg and he was told he could never drive competitively again.

over time, the tourists stopped coming, so the racing and the pageantry stopped. one of the many things that had dried up in the town. y/n missed stock car weekend. she and emilie had made a good team way back when.

charles scoffed "it can;t be that much different than what I normally drive."

"you keep telling yourself that, racer boy." y/n smiled, secretly looking forward to watching charles in his element. "i watched some of your old races. you weren't terrible, but your team is shite."

"the end goal is to get into ferrari, and that's why i need to be in germany. it's for jules, what he would have wanted."

it had been almost five years, but everything charles still felt about jules bianchi was raw and laced with emotion. all he wanted was to make his loved ones proud, to fulfill something that jules had died trying to accomplish, something his father would never see him do.

he just wanted to make them proud.

"you'll get to germany in time. i promise."

____________

the sun was high in the air as the residents of radiator springs gathered in the dust fields to watch charles leclerc race against the town's judge. gio and luk were decked head-to-toe in ferrari merchandise, waving flags with the prancing horse and waving red and yellow flares around the desert area.

mateo and y/n had gone to get the cars, pulling out the two that were in the best condition. truth be told, tending to the stock cars had become a hobby of y/n's. she had always been a car enthusiast, going for joyrides around normandy with her father when she was younger, which had translated to her interest in classic cars during her adolescence.

of course, paul walker had helped with that one via the fast and the furious franchise.

the folded up race suit for charles sat on the unused passenger seat as she drove the car out of the impound yard, flying down the streets at a dangerous speed.

it didn't matter, nobody was there to stop her. or get hit. technically stock car radios were only supposed to relay communications from the pits, but in this specific stock car, y/n had wired the radio differently so that she could play music, thus enjoying her joyrides that much more. technically it was a safety hazard at the speeds she was driving, but who was she to give a shit?

fall out boy was playing on the radio, wind blowing in from the cage on the window as she yanked on the steering wheel, practically drifting onto the sand and gravel where mateo was already waiting by bacri's car, an unamused expression on his face when he heard the punk music leaking from the stereo.

"where have you been, y/n?" corporal deveraux shouted over the music. the corporal had served in the french navy for fifteen years before taking early retirement. he finally wanted both his feet to be permenantly on solid ground, but the conditioning and the routines never left, and there wasn't a single soul who didn't complain when he started the morning with bugle exercises. "we've been waiting for hours."

"sorry, dev!" she laughed, taking off her hot pink helmet and cutting the radio beforfe clambering out of the window. "you know i can't resist a good joyride."

charles was awestruck as he watched y/n get out of the car. here was a gorgeous girl he had a love hate relationship with, who spoke his language: racing. he could hardly stop himself from gawking when she tossed her head back, long hair barely held back by a bandana as it tumbled down her back. she was wearing a faded ferrari shirt and cutoff shorts, her signature stan smith adidas on her feet.

"stop staring, leclerc." bacri scoffed, zipping up his mustard-yellow race suit. "i want you out of here as fast as possible, don't go laying down roots with the best lawyer in this godforsaken place."

"i'm not staring." charles defended, averting his eyes to stare at giovanni, who was muttering to himself in italian as he messed with a signal flare. "i want to get out of here just as much as you want me gone."

"leclerc!" y/n shouted, capturing his attention quicker than a sniffer dog who found cocaine in a suitcase. he could hear judge bacri laughing at him in the background but couldn't bring himself to care. "careful with my car, yeah? built her from the ground up with romain's help. there's a boiler suit on the passenger seat, and a helmet. i had to guess on the size, I wasn't quite sure hoe big that head of yours was."

"i'm sure there's an insult in there somewhere."

"tell me what it is, then." y/n laughed, tossing him the keys. "the camry's all yours. don't fucking crash, hot shot."

charles caught the keys, but just barely, floundering for a second as he tried to figure out which one was the key to the toyota stock car. "wait, do you know how i'm supposed to get in the damn thing?"

"crawl through the window!" y/n shouted back, settling into a lawn chair next to emilie, who passed her a white claw seltzer. "this is going to be so entertaining."

once both racers were suited up in their boiler suits, and romain had helped charles figure out how to get into the hot pink car, emilie stood up and grabbed the two large chequered flags, standing in front of the revved-up stock cars.

"i want nice clean racing, boys. don;t kill each other, please. and don't crash into anything, my hubby is busy enough trying to fix that alfa romeo, which i have been told is a really fucking expensive car."

"damn right it is." charles murmured under his breath, shifting in the front seat as he shuffled his hands around the steering wheel to try and get used to the car.

speed. i am speed.

"on your marks!"

float like a cadillac, sting like a beemer.

"get set!"

one winner, one loser.

"go!"

in a cloud of dust and haze, charles was off, the car bouncing over the imperfections in the desert landscape.

and hilaire bacri was still at the starting line.

"uh, your honor?" giovanni asked hesitatnly, the ferrari-red face paint on his alabaster skin beginning to flake off. "emilie waved the flag. you are supposed to go."

emilie shook the flag again, as if to prove a point. hilaire still remained motionless, smirking to himself.

"keep your eyes on the kid, you'll see."

confused, y/n got out of her lawn chair and ran over to the dirt track, the corporal following closely behind as she searched for the pink camry in the cloud of dust. she saw charles spinning uncontrollably, and could only imagine that he was swearing in that deliciously sexy voice of his, sweaty and covered in sand and gravel-

nope. stop it.

"my car!" she whined

"the kid can't drive on dirt. f1 cars beach on gravel." bacri announced, climbing out of his own stock car. "so he stays and he fixes our square."

back inside the stock car, charles screamed. raw, unadulterated emotion as he punched the dashboard. once the emotions started flowing, he couldn't stop them. here he was, stuck in the middle of buttfuck nowhere with dust and sand in every crevice of his body because he lost control and he spun out.

charles leclerc never loses control of his car.

he never spins out.

but he did.

twice.

charles leclerc was losing himself. and it scared the shit out of him.

____________

"don't feel bad, stock cars are hard beasts to tame." mateo remarked.

“fuck you, mate.”

charles and mateo were in the impound lot, sitting on the hoods of two old stock cars, cars that hadn’t run in upwards of five years. the boys had beers in their hands, and they were shooting the shit as they watched the sun dip down past the radiator springs skyline.

“y/n can drive one.”

“she’s been practicing for almost six years now. there’s not much else to do around here. maybe she can teach you?” mateo wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, earning a punch to the shoulder from charles.

"i'll be out of here in a week, max." charles scoffed. "I don't want to lead her on and break her heart. it wouldn't be right."

mateo chuckled. "so now the hot shot has morals. but you never said you didn't think she was smoking hot."

"shut up".

"you know," mateo hummed, sliding off the hood of the car and walking back to the main garage. "if you really want to impress her, I can teach you how to drive one of these things."

there was an image that charles couldn't get out of his head. him and y/n racing stock cars across the sand, her loud laugh as she overtakes him, fall out boy blaring from the speakers like it had earlier that day. the way her body would look in a boiler suit.

"fuck it. teach me how to drive one of these suckers."

____________

it was dark when mateo pulled the venom green stock car to a halt behind a porsche carerra, in front of a quaint building with ivy growing up the side. the two had been at it for hours, and charles still couldn't get the hang of drifting on the gravel. mateo assured him that was a skill he would acquire with more practice, but charles wanted to master it before he left, before his future was decided once and for all.

"y/n and charles sitting in a tree-"

"shut the fuck up, mateo!"

"you're bloody staying in her motel!" mateo laughed, reaching over charles to undo the netting over the window so that the alfa romeo drive could get out of the car. "listen, just be gentle with her. none of us want to see her get hurt."

"thanks for this, mate. really." charles gushed. learning how to drive on the sand had been an experience like no other, something so fundamentally different from what he had been doing his entire life. "i know i talk a lot of shit about this town, but you're not too bad."

mateo beamed. "you're not too bad yourself, leclerc. come find me again tomorrow and we'll give drifting another shot, yeah? tell y/n i said hello."

charles clambered out of the car, opening the heavy wooden door, painted a pale mauve color. the main lobby of the inn was cozy, with a scented candle burning on the checkout counter. a crossley record player softly played a country tune in the background, and when he turned his head towards the ornate fireplace, he caught a glimspe of y/n.

her long hair was tied back, and she was wearing an oversized t-shirt with the artwork for an old whitney houston album on it, a pair of pale pink shorts disappearing under the hem. she was sitting on the suede couch, laptop on her thighs as she typed away at something on her screen.

"charles!" she said in surprise when she looked up to see the man standing there awkwardly. "i'm glad you came. i feel a little better already." she placed her laptop on the coffee table, padding acfross the marble floors barefoot.

it was all charles could do not to imagine y/n's thighs wrapped around his abdomen, his fingers in her hair, his lips on her neck.

but even more so, he couldn't deny the feeling in his chest when y/n said she was glad to see him.

he nodded at the record player. "alanis morrisette?"

she shook her head. "sheryl crow, 'if it makes you happy.' i made that mistake the first time too, but no, it's sheryl, not alanis."

"oh." charles said simply, suddenly aware of how close they were standing, holding his gaze level with hers.

he had never noticed before how soft the young lawyer's skin was, or how pretty her eyes were.

he was fucked, and didn't he know it.

she cleared her throat. "can i show you to your room?"

he had no idea how he was going to survive staying in a house with her for the rest of his stay.

[brelione]

Ooh congrats on 200 girl!! Can I request something with Rafe please where he slowly falls in love with the reader every time she comes round to tutor Wheezie but she's not interested because of what she's seen and heard about him (non cannon Rafe pls, him just being a rich stuck up dick) so he puts in the effort to win her over and is determined to show her a different side to him!?

Sorry,this sucks lol.

Rafe Cameron,the bitchy,rich,straight white male.He was privileged as all hell and could get away with anything because of his daddy’s money.He did get away with anything,including beating the living hell out of multiple pogues.He was probably the person you hated most in the world and yet you were in his house,being payed with his daddy’s money to tutor his younger sister.You tried not to judge people based on their families but part of you wanted to decline the offer to tutor Wheezie and spit in Ward Cameron’s face.

But of course thats not what happened,you needed money to live and Ward had offered a ridiculous amount.It was your third study session,common core math books and Type Two Writing for Students opened on the table,piles of flashcards and worksheets flooding the marble.

Wheezie needed to go to the bathroom,meaning you were all alone when Rafe came along.Your fingers tightened around your pencil as you went through Wheezie’s first draft,wanting nothing more than to pierce the boys eyeball with the charcoal tip.He stared at you from across the kitchen,looking around with a confused expression. “What the fuck?’He asked.You rolled your eyes,ignoring him. “Who are you and why are you in my house?”He asked,his voice dripping with venom.Wheezie came out of the bathroom,glancing between the two of you. “Shes my tutor,chill.”She sighed,sitting across from you again.The boy glared at you,trying to hide his wonder.

He didnt really know who you were but he was sure he had seen you somewhere.His eyes were focused on your face,trying to figure out if he had seen you at a party or something. “What?”You asked,he shrugged,leaning against the counter and still staring at you.Then it clicked.

He had shown up to a boneyard party,just to be a fucking asshole.He had seen a girl hanging upside down from a tree,talking to JJ Maybank.He could see why he was interested in her,she looked pretty cute,arms crossed over her chest as she swung back and forth.He had always wondered who she was and why he had never seen her before.He thought about her every once in a while,trying to think of why he never saw her again.And here she was,sitting in his kitchen. “You’re a pogue?”He asked,squeezing his cup.You ignored him,tapping your pencil on a word and asking Wheezie what it said. 

“Hey,i asked you a question.”He was closer this time,leaning against the table. “And I ignored you.”You answered,sending a glare his way.He chuckled,shaking his head. “Are you a pogue or not?”He asked.You sighed,looking his way. “Does it matter?Im trying to do my job and you’re being a pest,do you want Wheezie to fail all of her classes?”You asked.He rolled his eyes. “Oh,so you are a Pogue.What does a pogue know that I dont?”He asked Wheezie.You laughed,shaking your head. “We all know you only graduated because of your daddy’s money.You had like...what?A 2.0 gpa?”You teased,gripping your pencil tight.He bit on his lip staring down at you. “Oh,so what’s yours then?”He asked,watching as a smirk came across your face. “4.2,now fuck off.”You growled at him.

Something about the way you told him off completely freaked him out.Most people knew better,especially when they were in his house.He had a habit of sitting on the couch and watching you as you corrected Wheezie’s essays,telling her which words would be better for getting her message across.You would shoot him glares that made his heart beat quicken,making him nervous.Other times he’d see you smile at Wheezie’s progress,his heart beat quickening but for a different reason.As Wheezie put it,he was completely in love with you.He couldnt agree more but didnt want to admit it.He hadnt even talked to you since the first time he saw you.It wasnt until you were packing up your bag and dropped papers that he talked to you again.He had rushed to help you pick them up,handing them to you.

You thanked him quietly,rushing past him.He followed you to the door,working up his courage to talk. “So um...do you have a criminal record?”He asked.You turned,rasing your eyebrows. “Oh,so because im a pogue I have a criminal record?”You asked.He shook his head,mumbling. “No,no not what im saying at all im just trying to make conversation and like….i dont know i just thought it would be a cool question.”He played with his hands,following you outside. “I mean,yeah,I do.I wouldve fuckin gotten away with it too if I was a kook.”You sighed.He laughed nervously,hands shaking a little. “So...what did you do?”He asked.You grinned at the memory. “Vandalism,I used to go around and steal confederate flags and then paint rainbows on their houses.”You answered.He chuckled,nodding.

 “So what did you do with them?The flags,I mean.”he tried to continue the conversation,following you down the driveway. “Burned them.”You answered,turning to look at him again. “Are you gonna follow me home,stalker?”You asked.He blushed,shaking his head. “Um...no,unless you want me too.”He offered.You shook your head,continuing your walk as he just stared at you,jumping up and down,joy washing over him now that he had talked to you without you looking disgusted.He had asked Wheezie to talk to you for him,making her confused. “Talk to her yourself.”She scrolled through her phone.He shook his head. “No,no she hates me I just need you to ask her about like...if shes single,what zodiac sign she likes,what she looks for in a guy.You know what i'm saying?”He asked.She smirked. “You like her!”She exclaimed.He shook his head. “No,im asking for a friend.Please just do this for me,okay?”He asked.She grinned. “So what do I get out of it?I could really go for McDonalds.”She grinned.

“So...what do you think about Zodiac signs?”She asked,writing down some dialogue ideas.You raised your eyebrows. “what?”You asked.She laughed,repeating herself. “Why are you asking?”You asked.She glanced over to Rafe in the living room,the boy twirling his fingers and encouraging her to keep asking questions. “I just think its important that I know.”She mentally face palmed herself. “Ok,Scorpios are superior and Virgos suck ass.”You answered.Rafe’s eyes widened.You had to have known that she was asking for him.You wouldnt have said that if you didnt know he was a virgo. “Ok….what about your ideal first date?”She asked.You laughed,shaking your head. “Keep working on your dialogue.”You told her.

Rafe tried.He really tried so hard.He knew that it was the fact that he was a kook that made you hate him so much.He tried to act more humble,less cocky and tried working on his manners.He went through Wheezie’s instagram followers to find you,cursing when he saw that your account was private. “Wheezie,let me see your phone.”He sighed nervously. “Why?”She asked. “I need to see (Y/N)’s instagram.”He explained,scrolling through your page.You posted pictures of sunsets,your dog and a couple of photos of you holding up peace signs and middle fingers.Your bio made him chuckle. “Fuck the patriarchy and fuck you too.”He went through who you followed,seeing a lot of fanpages and the official Harry Potter account.

That lead him to binge watch the Harry Potter movies,take the sorting hat quiz and order a Slytherin shirt.He purposely wore it when he knew you were coming over,walking into the kitchen.Your eyes fell onto his shirt,laughing. “Oh,of course you’re a slytherin.”You sighed.He grinned. “Wow,thanks.What house are you in?”He asked.He held a long conversation with you as you talked about how much you hate J.K Rowling and how Dobby didnt deserve what happened.He agreed with everything you said,loving the way your eyes lit up.The study session somehow turned into you and Rafe speaking about Draco while Wheezie grinned to herself.

He looked through every single post of yours,every single caption until he learned that you loved horror films.He learned your favorite one,putting it on when you came over.Wheezie didnt even need tutoring anymore,she just liked having you over and you still got payed.You had then become her babysitter because Rafe was deemed to irresponsible and Sarah had a social life. “Dude,are you watching (Y/F/H/M)?”You asked,hearing the dialogue.He nodded,letting you sit next to him to watch it. “I didnt know you liked horror movies.”You sighed,leaning back on the couch.He blushed. “Only this one.”He answered.

It took him three months of talking to you about Harry Potter and horror films for you to stop telling him off,cussing him out and giving him glares.He could feel himself falling for you more,seeing who you were when you werent angry or annoyed.He avoided The Cut,learning that maybe if he let go of his Pogue Beater reputation you’d eventually like him.He tried to be more open,to tell you about himself and have deep conversations with you.He answered your questions honestly,laying his trauma and issues bare and letting you ask questions about the worst sides of his life.He had cried in your arms a couple of times,becoming your friend.He had gotten buried deep in the Friend Zone but he was fine with that,knowing you didnt hate him anymore.You two would hang out all the time outside of babysitting Wheezie,he’d come down to the beach with you to have splash fights.

One night while you were at the beach,the area completely empty besides the two of you as you splashed cold water at eachother.He had pushed you into the water,your clothes,hair and skin becoming soaked.You jumped up,hugging him tight and getting him soaked too.He pulled away,grinning down at you.He didnt know why he thought it was a good idea,leaning down and kissing you.All the three months of feelings spilled out just then,his hands holding your waist tight.You didnt knew what to do,what to think,pulling away. “Um….so you just-what?”You huffed,trying to understand.His bottom lip trembled,his hands shaking. “I just….I dont know.”He mumbled,still holding you.You nodded,finger tracing his jaw. “So you dont know why you did that?”You asked.He looked out at the ocean,biting his lip. “Cause I like you...love you and I just thought….”He mumbled,trying to form words.You rolled your eyes,pulling him into another kiss. “Asshole.”You grinned,running a hand through his hair.

@sexytholland @28cnn  @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel

[thewolfisapartofmysoul]

Spoiler alert dearies...

Sad and bullied reader x Dewey Finn fic...

Trigger warnings: weight insecurity, being bullied, scolding, sadness, dark times?

But fluff and comfort promised by our favorite rock-star.

Hope its okay....

Alone together.

"Hey Brandon!! Have you seen 'miss piggy' in her dress yet?! Its hillarious!"

You rushed off towards the first quiet corner you could find. Tears stinging in your eyes. You just had to keep walking. Walk. Walk. Walk. Away. As far as your legs could carry you. Leave the echoing voices on that party. Fast. Breath. Faster pace.

"Hey... look that piggy run, guys!! Whahaha! Where's your tail!!! Hahaha!"

You practically ran away from the laughter behind you and you heared the teasing voices follow you as you stumbled over your own feet. The tears in your eyes blurred your vision and you took a few deep breaths to not cry... not yet. Just keep walking...

They were still watching you. Calling you out. You weren't gonna give them that much credit to let them see your tears too. Words dont hurt. Words dont hurt. Words dont hurt.

You heared a wholf-whistle combined with harsh laughter and slugged words in the distance.

You turned the corner and whipped your head around in fear they were following you. Luckely they were not. Their egos were too big for that. You slumped your head down and your feet suddenly felt heavier then ever. You couldnt hold back the tears anymore.... it was dark. You were alone. Which ment you could cry your heart out, whitout anyone judging you doing so.

You sobbed desperately, feeling sad, unworthy... the voices echoed in your brain as the tears ran freely. Your mother always told you: "You're no size two honey... but people will look past that." Newsflash mom. They don't. They can't. And they won't. You've been struggling with your weight for a long time. Going on runs, your meals were smaller and you didn't do snacks. You even skipped the wodka at the party with your co-workers, liquor never was your thing. But certainly didn't help the pounds too. Unfortunately... drunk minds spoke what sober ones were afraid to say. And your co-workers had been far from sober.

You always knew you were a bit of an outcast. Didn't really fit in at your current job, but not hating it either.

That was untill 4 minutes ago.

On top of it all it started to get cold outside... and you left your jacket when you rushed out of that hell-hole.

The emotions of today started to overwhelm you and you had the urge to sit were your eyes were looking at while crying. The cold street.

I dont deserve any better.... your fogged mind told you.

You sat down on the street and pathetically sobbed into your hands. You just... couldn't take it anymore.

So sick and tired of being alone.

....

Dewey Finn was heading home after a gig. His bandmates loaded the gear into the van and he told them, he was walking home tonight.

Since it was a gig and Dewey had to teach the next morning he skipped the booze. He tried once... but teaching and hangovers were a no go together.

The crisp air blew through his hair and he shivered. It was a cold, windy night tonight. The dark sky full of stars and he could see the moon playing hide and seek behind the clouds.

Walking home always helped Dewey unwind and declutter his mind after a gig. Grounding him a bit after the blissfull chaos of his guitar.

The ears of the musician picked up on a very faint sound on his left. It sounded muffled, high, emotional.... and.... desperate.

Dewey squinted his eyes in the dark and he saw a girl sitting hunched up on the sidewalk. She held her hands before here face and curled up in a ball of dispear. Her sobs and cries muffled. The sound alone made him sad already. It sounded heavy. Pitch black. And desperately alone.

His heart ached for her. It hurted at the sadness of this random stranger.

He frowned and looked around. No one to be seen.

What kind of a shitty dude would i be to walk past this sad soul, so late at night?

Deweys mind didn't knew it yet... but his heart did.

Like the magic of music pulled onto his heart when he strummed his guitar...

His pure, bright heart pulled him towards you as well....

....

You felt pathetic for crying. Ashamed even when there was no-one around to judge you.

You couldnt even let yourself sob freely. Holding back.

You had been holding back since forever. Holding back your true self since... as long as you could remember. You just... wanted to make people happy. To please everyone around you. You came last on that list.

You muffled your crying with your hands. You didn't deserve to cry. You didn't deserve to freely feel. You didn't deserve to connect. With your co-workers... nor anyone.

"I.... am... a pathetic... pig..."

You heared a kind deep voice beside you say in a calming tone: "Hey... youknow... i... happen to like bacon very much."

Your face turned red as a strawberry when your head shot up in absolute shock.

You glanced to your right and met eyes with the stranger that owned the soothing voice. Feeling like you could die of embarrassment on the spot.

Gosh... and of course this fellow had to be ridiculously kind and good looking. He went to sit down next to you.

"Are... you... trying to make me feel better? With a bad pun?" You stuttered between sobs, as your eyes were glued to the tiles again.

The handsome dude with the pretty brown eyes continued: "Well... i dont know... may be the case... is it working gorgeous?"

You flinched at the compliment. Expecting a rude comment to follow up his petname....

You dared to look into his understanding eyes and gentle smile.

... the rude comment you expected to follow didn't came.

There were only his messy locks, attractive scruff and sweet, calming brown eyes. Patiently waiting for your awnser.

.....

Gosh... was she beautifull.... even with her smudges of mascara and puffy red eyes from crying....

Dewey thought to himself when he asked you if his antics were working.

His heart bleeded for you when he saw you flinch at his petname and soft voice.

What the f*ck did people told you, to make you react the way that you did? Those douchebags need a high five... in the face... with a guitar amp... Making such a honest, genuine, bright creature like you cry.

Deweys heart weighed a bit less heavy then before, when he saw your eyes flicker up from the tiles to meet his.

Before he could help himself he flashed you a genuine smile and reached out to touch your knee, brushing his thumb over it in a hopefully soothing manner.

His heart literally skipped a beat when he saw you smile a tiny smile at the hand on your knee.

Gosh... how could anyone hurt this absolute angel?

Her beautiful smile warmed his heart. How did anyone want her to hold that gorgeous smile back?

....

You smiled a bit through your tears when you felt calloused fingers brush on your knee. A sniffle broke the sound of your sobs and the gesture stilled your tears.

"It... erhm... It does... a little... Thankyou..."

Your red eyes found his again and his kind brown eyes told you silently: 'continue'...

"But... uhm... I... don't wanna bother you..."

As soon as you mumbled those words your head flopped down again. Not wanting to annoy this random stranger with your sad presence.

You felt his hand squeeze your knee softly and he spoke: "You're not bothering me... at all... but you're gonna freeze your pretty ass and catch a cold... can't have that."

Your hesitant eyes found his and he swiftly took of his coat to lay it over your cold shoulders.

A single tear escaped your eyes again and you smiled through it. This time it was a happy tear. You muttered a "thanx..." and went to brush it away but he beat you to it.

"Dewey!" He exclaimed after he brushed your tear away, with a smile on his face and extended his hand for you to shake. ".... Dewey Finn is the name. But you can call me anything...."

You chuckled a bit when you shook his hand and Dewey would give anything to hear you laugh again.

You wiped your hand across your nose and sniffled. You glanced into Dewey's eyes again and muttered: "... Hey Dewey... erhm... thankyou..."

Dewey reached out to touch your knee again and brushed his thumb up and down again. A small smile crept up his face when he told you: "...This would be a good time to share your name with me if you'd like that, youknow?"

You laughed a bit and looked at him when you spoke: "...oh... yes!... my name is... Y/n...."

Dewey threw his arm around your shoulder when he pulled you closer. His soft voice found your ears when he said: "Nice to meet you, gorgeous... now... Would you fancy it if i walked you home? You can tell me what happened if you'd like that?"

You smiled at Dewey.

Your gut told you you could trust those kind brown eyes and you nodded your head yes.

Dewey whooped in excitement and jumped off from the sidewalk. He held his hands out for you to take. You couldn't deny those excited puppy-eyes and put your hands in his.

With one swift tug he pulled you on your feet.

...

And made you stumble flush against Dewey....

Luckely you both blushed equally when Deweys stong arms caught you before tumbling down on the street.

The laughter of you both filled the night.

When you walked away with Dewey beside you, you glanced behind at where you were sitting a few seconds ago. Feeling like you left the sadness on the sidewalk, and took the brightness of Dewey Finn with you.

@ironmansuucks @paxenera @heknowshisherbs @hoodoo12 @large-unit @little-miss-shy-goth @thats-specific @vicunaburger @go-commander-kim @stranger-strings @gegehaddock @bugdrinkss

[voidselfshipp]

The Forgotten Revolutionary

Cw: food, alcohol, dysphoria.

Ok to rb

Part 1 here

The week passed, jerico sighed looking at herself in the mirror, the beautiful yellow dress with the tight fitted jacket made her look absolutely beautiful, the Neighing of horses meant that the carriage sent by Alexander had arrived.

During the ride there she stares at the passing buildings, she wondered how Many of her there were out there.

Attracted to both (or more) genders,feeling different every day, what was the chance that there were other people like her?.

The stable boy pulled the horses in the stable and jerico Walked to the entrance of the Hamilton residence.

The music played softly, jer made her way across the crowd Spotting Hamilton in the distance.

She quickens her pace-- jerico! Glad you could come!--Hamilton hugged her tightly, a little more tighter than a normal guest-- was the ride here smooth?

She nodded-- yes it was, thank you for inviting me

Before he could say anything, laurens,lafayette and hercules walk in bolting to their friend.

-- bonjour madame-- lafayette said kissing jeris knuckles-- nice to see you here

She nodded --Its nice to see you all here too

Alexander scowled-- im sure you must be hungry, the buffet is over there in the diningroom,if you dont know the way ill go with you

--Look at Alex wanting jerico for himself-- laurens teased.

Jer rolled her eyes with baby Pink cheeks-- if youll excuse me gentlemen

She bowed and Walked over to the dining room, she spun around admiring all of the little details in the building.

She could spend hours admiring the place, If only she brought her art supplies.

Jerico grabs something to eat sitting on one of the Chairs.

The people around her mind their bussines, her leg bounces drinking from her wine.

As she finished her food the familiar yet unpleasant feeling in her stomach,she stands up running outside with her breath quickening.

SHe hides behind some bushes and holds his head.

Jer tries to take deep breaths wanting to rip this dress appart.

No, this wasnt his clothes, his body.

-- jerico...are you okay? -- hercules sat with him.

--Y yeah im fine

Her raised a brow-- uh-huh...whats up-- he takes his hand.

-- Its nothing!-- he tells him, he couldnt know!, no what would he think.

The tailor grabs him by the arms, he stands up and runs away jerico quickens his pace trying to get home before the sun fully sets.

-- wheres jerico?--Hamilton asked.

--She went running away, she seemed upset...

Alexander sighed-- ill write her in the morning, I hope shes okay...

Jer crashed his bed with tears running down his bed, he took off the dress hiding it between his other clothes.

-- this body doesnt feel right

clutching my bones tight

smash the mirror into pieces

this is not me either

i cant scape it

This feeling in my belly

this is not what my bones tell me-- jer peeked his head from his window-- i left her there just as I arrived to that ball

and left him with uncertainty

and confusion Among them Will spread

tomorrow Will tell me how bad I set the stage last night

i dont want to be awake right now

the covers call my name

tomorrow Will be another day... -- jer blows out the candle and curls up in bed, the only thing visible was his head.

The Next day they drag themself out of bed, making breakfast feeling miserable.

After eating they Open up their closet, looking away from the yellow dress.

He grabs his shirt and pants, pulling his hair up hiding it in a beanie.

On his way to work he munches on a toast, feet dragging on the stone-y roads.

For most of the day he does nothing, he didnt feel like painting today.

The bell rings as none other than hercules walks over to jerico.

He panics, thanking god he didnt recognize him like this.

--Good afternoon gentleman-- herc said-- im looking for this New set of paints, they are for fabric, im working on a dress for a friend

"Lucky gal"he thought-- I think we have some paints like that, let me check the storage

He walks towards said storage rumminshing through the boxes.

Hercules freezes, his eyes had wandered down to jericos butt, for a Man he had a very big one, his cheeks turn Darker for a moment.

What...what was this New feeling he had? He couldnt be...

--There we go!, okay this arrived yesterday-- jer said plscing the box infront of him-- twenty dollars

Herc almost melts when he saw him smile, he fumbled with his money handing it to him-- Will I...see you tomorrow? Because im tight on time and I need some other stuff too

He nodded-- maybe, depende really, tomorrow my twin could come, shes very nice, Whatever you need tell her tomorrow

Herc nodded and grabbed his paints walking away.

Jer giggled at his clumsiness and went into his art studio, wanting to paint something.

At night hercules went out drinking with his Friends,he downs his second glass of sam Adams-- I need to tell yall something...-- herc said gaining the attention of his Friends.

-- yeah Man what is it?-- laurens asked.

-- yknow the cute guy that works with jerico at the art shop?

-- yeah, thats her twin isnt he?-- Hamilton said-- his name was...lafayette! Yeah just like our french friend over here

-- well I...I might find him attractive!-- hercules slurred quickly-- please dont judge me!

Lafayette out of the nothing took out a flag,a magenta, purple and blue one-- we all Bisexual in this bitch-- he said.

Laurens tilted his head-- dude youll break the timeline, put that back

-- hey! Im just telling herc we all are bi -- the frenchman shoved back the flag into the nothingness.

Hercules lets out a sigh of relief-- thank god

For them the night ended happily as jerico kept on working on their painting

A Man pulling his clothes away revealing a woman who was trying to do the same with her dress while inside a box.

They closed up shop after that and went to bed.

[ryollie]

update post, gonna put under a read more. its gonna be rambly and honest abt how i feel on certain things, why i’ve been gone and what im gonna do from now on etc. tw for mental illness !

i’ve been inactive for a month, almost 2 i think? its kind of painful to evaluate everything to be honest. i’ve had my blog for half a year. i really loved and had fun in the hphm fandom and ive met great people. people come and go, and im alright with that. when i first joined, i never expected so many people would enjoy ollie, my first ever mc. i was just so so happy and wanted to draw and share more of my oc stories and creations with everybody. as time gone on, i started feeling isolated, and slowly started getting more hate for various reasons and i felt very overwhelmed. 

i’ve always tried my best to be kind to everybody and understand things from different perspectives but i realise that there are some people you can just never see eye to eye with no matter how hard u try. my mistake was trying too hard to get along with everybody. it rlly sucks when you find leaked convos of ppl you thought u were friends with insulting you, ppl you drew for and thought you had fun with talking smack behind ur back. its alright to not like me or my content ! i just dont see why ppl would interact positively with me and act a different way once my back is turned. i think its pretty...ugly, to be honest. if u rlly had an issue with me, dm me and lets talk it out civilly. i dont shy away from an honest conversation; if i truly did anything wrong i will admit to my mistakes, apologize and hopefully change for the better. we are all human, its normal to fuck up and theres always room for change.

its easy to say just ignore the hate and move on, and believe me thats exactly what i tried to do. it was really uncomfortable and i felt like i was just putting on a mask to remain positive, sociable and welcoming to everybody i interacted with. i did that for 3 months and overtime, it just crumbled. i felt really paranoid everytime i had an interaction, because i saw so much negativity about me that i wish i did not that i started to doubt every interaction i had. i didnt know if someone was pretending to be kind to me, i started to think what if they had heard bad things about me from others and were judging me etc, its a lot to handle. im a paranoid scizophrenic and feelings of paranoia manifest into auditory hallucinations for me. these feelings arent just a bad gut feeling. i hear people talking about me and how theyre going to hurt me because they hate me etc. its honestly really exhausting and its hard to tell whats real and fake and it makes me disassociate.

people believe what they want to believe. there’s always two sides to a story. i’m tired of being painted as somebody bad because of petty gossip, i’m tired of always needing to defend myself. once you’re on someone’s bad side, you’re judged and nitpicked for every single minor detail. its awful. if others vent, its alright because everyone has their problems and deserve to be heard! if i vent, its me being whiny and playing a victim card. people can easily twist your words to suit their narrative. words can hurt like a bitch, you know. i wish more people realised there’s weight in their words. 

and to address this if its unclear; i’m no longer in a relationship and i ended it myself. i just dont feel like im in a good place mentally to sustain a rs for a very, very long time. i would also appreciate it if people can stop associating me with my previous partner. i do not want anything to do with them. i wont disclose any details out of respect but please respect how i feel on this.

to sum up i’m sorry if i’ve ever hurt anybody. i’m just tired of the negativity and the indirects. people who know me, know me. i always try to be kind but i have my limits too. i disappeared for two months because i couldnt cope with it, but I'm willing to try again. i’ll be very cautious with who i interact from now on, and i hope you can understand why. im just protecting myself. i want to have fun drawing and creating content for me and my friends and not for the sake of others, as it should have been from the very start. i just want to have fun again and to slowly learn to trust people. thank you if you read this to the very end, it was just an honest and long ramble of how i’ve been feeling. i hope i can share more of ollie and my other ocs with everybody and that with time, i can let go of the painful things i’ve experienced before. 

[mylovelysanshine]

home; choi san ft. jung wooyoung

summary:

"as long as you are happy, as long as she is happy, my heart will be at ease. no matter how hurt it is." in which choi san, who is in love with you, is willing to give up his desire to confess to you for his best friend who has feelings for you. but does he knows what are your true feelings? no.

or

a love triangle between you, san and wooyoung

g: angst, fluff, romance

w!: cursing of words and thats all ig, please tell me if there's something that triggered you!

a/n: this was requested by @iis4d ! i still remember your request hehe but sorry for taking this so long omg:( i hope you and my fellow atiny readers will like it!!! sorry if there's any errors in this writing,,,,:( but anyways enjoy!:D

for god's sake, san. can you at least becareful?!

oh come on, y/n! i wont die or something!

yes, san! you will die if you arent careful around anjanath!

you're at san's house, looking or mostly judging at how he plays the new game that he just brought from the game store near his house; monster hunter world. you're a fan of that game, truly in love with the series and how beautifully the graphic is but seeing how your best friend plays makes you want to smash your head onto the wall.

damn it! san shouted, flipping his controller when his character fainted for the first time

you facepalmed, massaging your temple while looking at the screen and at him i told you so

san glared at you and you giggled, eyes furrowing as his lips pouting which makes him look so adorable, having the urge to kiss him but you shook the thought off.

as if you have played this game before! he whined

uh yes i do, idiot! im hunter rank 250, okay! do no underestimate me! you said, smacking his arm lightly

it was true that you're a hunter rank 250 while he is just hunter rank 10, he have seen you played the game before and he wanted to try it too. probably because he wants to be on the same level as you so he could play together with you or he wants to play together with you. san couldnt think of things to backfire you over the game that you were good in it so he gave up and crossed his arms in defeat.

you laughed loudly, laughing because of how adorable san is. oh dont be mad~ you cooed, going down from the sofa to the floor, just to hug your best friend. you wrapped your arms and legs around his waist like a koala, placing your chin on his shoulder. is my sannie mad?? you asked, pouting cutely at him. san blushed, his face turning into a tomato. he didnt say anything which makes you truly believed that he was upset.

you frowned i really diㅡ AHHH

then, san headlocks you, making your body fall onto his lap as he messes up your hair with his free hand. being a competitive person you are, your hands went to his neck, trying to choke him. he let go of you, hands going to yours as he tries to break your grip off him which is an opportunity to run from san.

yaa!! y/n!!! you heard him scream as you went upstairs. you stopped for a moment, looking for rooms to hide until your eyes landed on his room, you ran when you heard his footsteps coming closer. you're not a fast runner but you passed your p.e tests last semester which was the day you're actually proud of. too bad san was faster than you when you tried to close and lock his door. both of you were pushing the door, one trying to open while another is trying to close until san pushed the door with his full strength, making you scream in horror as he grabs your arm.

you tried to run, trying to escape from his grip until your feet slipped ㅡdamn these socks ㅡmaking you fall onto the ground along with san. like a typical korean romance drama, the male character is ontop of the female character, staring into eachother's soul as the male got closer, eyes looking at you and to your lips until a knock distrupt your story.

san!!!! open the door!!!! it was wooyoung's voice screaming outside his house. both of you got up, scurried into different places; you in the living room while he takes the door. you were blushing mess, hair in a mess and your heart too

but you're not alone.

san opens the door, revealing wooyoung who was annoyed. what took you so long?! i've been waiting for you for the past five minutes!!

goddamn, woo. its not like you're going to die or something���

yes i willㅡ oh! y/n!! wooyoung ran up to you, jumping at you, making you scream at how heavy he is as he hugs you. didnt know you are here! he exclaims, showing a bright smile.

well now you do, woo so can you please get off meㅡ you said, trying to breathe with the male body ontop of you. wooyoung giggled, apologising to you as he gets off before looking at the tv screen. isnt...that monster hunter world?

yeah? and what about it? san asked, sitting down on the floor beside you as you're on the couch. im playing that game too! hunter rank 10, just started playing it though wooyoung replied, turning his head to you how about you, y/n? have you played this game before?

you smiled at him hunter rank 250

wooyoung's eyes widened in surprise, body turning at your direction 250?! damn you crazy!

might be, i guess you shrugged as san continues to play his game

what's your weapon of your choice, san? wooyoung asked out of curiousity, looking at the screen that is currently loading the files of the game

dual blades san replied

and you, y/n?

insect glaive

wooyoung nodded at the information that was given to him thats cool! mine is dual blades too!

you raise your eyebrows really? would love to see the both you play together, probably the best duo with dual blades in this game you said, smiling at him before focusing on the screen, observing how san plays.

wooyoung pouted as he looks at you focusing on the tv instead of him, no ideas to have your attention on him and only him.

having san and wooyoung as your best friends can be a pain in the ass sometimes but having them in your life makes it fun and enjoyable, and you love the both of them equally. as you're walking your way to your classroom, a familiar voice was heard screaming your name. not to mention that you're in the hallway with people walking by.

wooyoung, its early in the morning. why are you screaming?! you hissed in annoyance, redness shown on your face. wooyoung smiled cheekily, giggling a little. i just wanted to say good morning to you~ he said, taking your hand and swinging it side to side. you massaged your temple with your free hand, sighing as you shook your head a little. good morning, woo. you're lucky that i love you you muttered, making wooyoung's eyes beams in happiness

then, the school bell rang, indicating that the first lesson has started. you widened your eyes, remembering that your first lesson is with ms chou, the teacher who is always coming for your ass. wooyoung, i need to go! ms chou will come at me if im late! see you later, bye bye! you said hurridly, releasing your hand from his and started running as if your life is at risk before he could stopped you.

wooyoung watches you from afar, your figure slowly disappearing from his sight. he sighs, shoulders going up and down before shaking his head, starting to walk his way to his class.

you slammed the door opened, seeing some of your classmates sitting on their seats, minding their own business. then your eyes trails to the teacher's desk, not seeing ms chou on present yet before landing your eyes on him. choi san. you took a sharp breathe, your lungs tightened automatically as your heart started to beat very fast. he was reading a book, probably a harry potter book and he looks peaceful, like an angel. unfortunately for your heart, the sun was shining against his skin, the light bouncing off from his skin, making him look ethereal. your head started to get dizzy as your legs dragged you to your table next to him without realising.

y/n? you snapped your eyes from wherever you were looking from to him.

y-yes? you managed to speak, despite having a lump in your throat before sitting down on your seat.

you look pale he said, closing his book shut before focusing on you are you sick?

h-huh before you could continue, he placed the back of his hand onto your forehead, trying to feel any heat. you watched every expressions he made, his eyebrows furrowing as he squinted his eyes with his nose scrunching and his cherry lips pouting. his lips. you have never been wanting to kiss his lips right now, how you want to taste his lips, how you want to claim his lips yours. then you caught his eyes, he's staring at you.

you didnt know why you're being like this after the incident that happened at san's house from a few days ago. you do have a little crush on san before but now, it seems like your crush on him is getting bigger and bigger. you hated it, hated to have feelings on your bestfriend that will most probably reject you.

y/n? san calls your name softly, snapping out from your daydream. you realised that san's face are close to yours, his nose ghosting onto yours but before you two took a step forward, the door slammed open.

sorry kids, ms chou was late!

oh what a deja vu..

after school has ended, you slowly pack your stuffs as your classmates made their way out from the classroom. you sighed, too caught up with the thought of san. before this situations between you and san happen, your other best friend, gahyeon, told you that san likes you but you didnt believe her in one bit despite having a close friendship with her for 3 years. you dont believe the boy that has been with you ever since you were out of your mother's womb would like you, there's alot of thirsty girls eyeing him since young and you bet that there will be or is a girl that would or has caught his eye

and that girl would not be you.

exiting the classroom and the school, you straightaway went to the library, wanting to clear your mind off by writing or probably reading a book or both.

san was making his way back home from school, too caught up with the thought of you. ever since that incident happened at his house, things became awkward between the both of you. how the both of you didnt greet eachother as used to, hugging eachother or any skinship between you two. especially this morning, how the both of you were so close enough to almost kiss eachother but that didnt happen even though he wants it to happen. he shook his head, shaking those thoughts away.

why would you like him? for someone who he thought is not handsome as wooyoung. he thought you would like wooyoung than him, and how he thought that you would choose other guys than him.

wooyoung, on the other hand, was thinking on how to confess his love to you. too stressed on his plan, wooyoung called san through his phone.

hey san? i need your help.

what do you need? san asked, throwing wooyoung a packet of chips before sitting the opposite of where wooyoung sits.

you know yunho is going to throw a huge party this friday, right? and how even everyone in our school is invited, right?

san furrowed his eyebrows, nodding his head a little, confused where wooyoung is going. ...yeah?

well, im going to plan to confess y/n on that day! san stops eating his chips as wooyoung continues but i dont know how to confess to her..

oh

wooyoung pouts, clasping his hands together into a ball help me, san! i cant think of anything...and you know alot about her more than i do!

well that's because im in love with her, woo he thought to himself before giving him a painful smile as he feels his heart drop at the thought of you and wooyoung together instead of him.

i will help

wooyoung's eyes beams in happiness really?!

san tries to keep his smile, nodding his head yes, of course, you're my best friend afterall.

wooyoung then hugs san tightly, showing how appreciative he is to san. thank you, san!

you're welcome, woo he said, trying to control his tears as he hugs him back

as long as you're happy, as long as she is happy, my heart will be at ease. no matter how hurt it is.

friday came by and you are sitting on the bench at the school garden with gahyeon who is playing games on her phone. too caught up reading your book, gahyeon spoke up.

hey, are you ready for tonight's party?

you lowered your book down a little, looking at gahyeon with a confused look.

there's a party tonight?

gahyeon rolled her eyes and face palmed yes, you forgetful idiot. remember yunho? that tall adorable looking puppy guy? he invites the whole school to his party, since his parents are out of town for the whole month.

okay, so? you asked, confused. you rarely go to parties because it drains your energy since there will be alot of people there and you're scared that anything might happened to you if you're drunk since males nowadays are just horny piece of shits who cant keep their dicks in their pants and does not know the meaning of consent. you're glad that gahyeon doesnt go to parties alot, though mostly the parties she goes to is her family business party.

so how about we go? gahyeon beams school has been a pain in the ass ever since the exam schedule came out so how about we go there to release our stress out?

and get drunk? yeah no

oh come on! just this once, y/n! and never again! gahyeon begs, giving you that puppy face that you couldnt resist whenever she wants or do something.

you groaned, closing your book, throwing your head back a little as you know you lost due to her cuteness. i mean, who would ignore gahyeon's adorable face?

..fine

day passed by quickly as you and gahyeon are getting ready for the party. since you dont have alot of fancy dresses to wear, you wore an off shoulder purple lace dress that your mom brought for you for your birthday. its not that tight or short for you and you are grateful for this dress to be yours, your mom has a better understanding of fashion and you than yourself. you look at the reflection of the mirror, looking at gahyeon who is stressing herself on which dress to choose for the party.

goddamn, gahyeon. is it that hard to choose a dress?

gahyeon glared at you yes it is, y/n! if you own alot of clothes, you would feel the sane way as me!

i do and all of them are comfortable and simple so i dont have a hard time choosing unlike you

ugh, whatever! you know what? im just going to choose this dress! she rummaged through her closet and picked out a short sleeveless red dress that have some pretty design but you dont care, you actually care if san is going to the party or not.

god, do you think y/n would come? wooyoung asked loudly as the music in yunho's house was blasting, bouncing up and down as he was nervous.

san chuckles, looking at his friend as he feels his heart stings. he was hoping for you not to come because he doesnt want to see you be with wooyoung but at the same he hopes to see you come, to see wooyoung confessing his love to you and you would accept it and see the both of you happy because you would choose other guys than him and to san, that's the truth.

i dont know, woo but i know she will he said, trying to comfort his friend with his best even if he feels worse.

then, you stepped into the house with your friend and san saw you from afar since both san and wooyoung is at the drinking section which is kinda far from the doorstep, along with people who is covering his sight from you as they are dancing in the area that he is in. but he indeed saw you and well, he's in awe on how beautiful you look and he realised that he's falling deeper in love with you. he swallowed hard, looking away as he closed his eyes. he cant be doing this right now, his friend likes you and he doesnt want to ruin this opportunity for wooyoung but yet, here he is ruining his own opportunity. he opened his eyes, to see if you werent there but you are still there, looking at him back. he took a sharp breathe before nudging wooyoung at the side.

she's here

wooyoung looks around, trying to find you in the crowded area where? where?

she's coming to our way with gahyeon so get ready, lover boy san said, giving him a smirk as both you and gahyeon walked to their direction

san!! wooyoung!! you called, releasing your hand from gahyeon and hug both of the boys as they hug you back. both of you look amazing, i wonder if there's any chicks hitting their shots at the both of you? you asked cheekily

wooyoung laughed, holding your hand nah, they dont caught my eyes like you do

you blushed, laughing a little thank you for the compliment, wooyoung. much appreciated

okay okay! anyways, boys. me and y/n are going to meet our girlfriends so if you could step away please! gahyeon said, cutting off from whatever wooyoung is trying to do. she glares at san we will get back at you later so tata! she continues with full of sass, gahyeon then takes your hand and pulls you away from the both of them.

damn, i was about to ask her to dance with me! i swear gahyeon loves to interrupt my opportunity! wooyoung gritted his teeth, feeling frustrated.

calm down, woo! they just came, let them have fun a little, will you? san said, calming his friend down.

yeah yeah, whatever. im going to find seonghwa for some advice and the rose, see you later with my future girlfriend! wooyoung jokes and pats his back before leaving him alone, finding his older friend.

san stood there alone, looking down on the floor as his heart breaks into pieces.

you sat on the couch with gahyeon, talking with her friends on how males can such be a pain in the ass. too caught up with the conversation, you saw one of her friends look up. you look at the direction she was looking at and you saw wooyoung standing infront of you. the conversation between the eight of you stops and all eyes look at wooyoung instead, confused on why he is here.

woo?

uh, y/n? can i talk to you for a moment? wooyoung asked nervously, looking down.

you looked at gahyeon's friends and gahyeon, who looks a little dark at the sight of wooyoung. you apologised to the seven of them before going up to wooyoung. without saying anything, wooyoung grabs your hand and pull you to wherever he wants you to go.

as gahyeon saw you being pulled by wooyoung, she sighs before standing up, making her friends look at her with confusion written all over their faces.

im going to talk to someone

san was sitting on the staircase, thinking about you as he drinks whatever liquid he was drinking, not caring much about his well being.

choi san he heard gahyeon's voice what the fuck?

what?

what the fuck are you doing, san? arent you supposed to confess to her? and not wooyoung? didnt you told me you like her? gahyeon asked angrily, standing infront of them with her arms crossed. he looks up and all gahyeon saw is sadness in his eyes, she couldnt help but feel pity for him

why? she asked softly

because i want wooyoung to be happy, i want y/n to be happy he confessed as tears builds up in his eyes i know she wont choose me

why? she asked again, but in a harsher tone

because i know, gahyeon. i knoㅡ

gahyeon cut him off, her fist hitting on the railing hard, not caring if it hurts are you some fucking fortune teller or something? do you know if she even likes you? san, you wont know anything if you dont take a step forward! she screams, angry at how stupid san is, how stupid his mindset is.

san didnt react at her ourburst but instead, he just stood up and walk pass her, walking towards the door.

choi san! gahyeon screams in anger as he exited from yunho's house.

what is it, wooyoung? you finally asked after he drags you into a garden, dragging you away from the noisy house. you see him breathing deeply with his shoulders going up and down before looking at you.

i-i like you, y/n he confessed, making your eyes widen in surprise. i really do like you, y/n. ever since i met you through san, i couldnt help but developed a liking towards you and i hope that you will accept me he ends off with a rose in his hands. you look at him, his eyes full of hope and you couldnt help but to think of san. no matter how much you want to stop thinking about him, the thought of san will always comes back and if you were to accept wooyoung's confession, it would be toxic for the both of you as you will still keep thinking about him and not wooyoung. though, you are thankful of him being your best friend but you have never thought of a new level between you and wooyoung. only san. choi san.

san, san, san, sanㅡ

im sorry you gasped for air, being to pressured with wooyoung's confession and the thought of san as tears starting to build up in your eyes. imㅡ im so sorry, wooyoung you apologised as you look at him im sorry

the hope in his eyes has faded as he lowers his hands down. it was quiet for a moment before he speaks up

..why?

san. choi san.

you were trying to find a way to answer but you couldnt, the lump in your throat was getting bigger and giving you a hard time to answer

is it because of san?

you paused, looking down before nodding y-yeah...

wooyoung chuckles sadly what a lucky guy he is. no matter how much i try, you will choose him either way

you look up, giving him an apologetic look but wooyoung gives you a smile. not the normal bright smile he used to give but an encouraging one

go and confess to him, y/n he said

you blinked, confused at what he was talking about.

looking at your confused face, he rolls his eyes and sighs go and confess to san, y/n before giving you the rose he is holding go

b-butㅡ

y/n, you better hurry up before i cry wooyoung said, his tears starting to spill as he pushes you out from the garden into yunho's house and before you could say anything, wooyoung slammed the door infront of you.

you gulped and look at the flower you are holding

confess to san

you breathe in and out, nodding your head and went to find san. you looked around the house, trying to him but instead you saw gahyeon walking to your direction

gahyeon! you called out, running to her where's san?

she looks surprised san? i dont know, why?

you hesitated, trying to find a way to answer her question ....i...im going to confess to him

y-you're going to confess to san?? i thought wooyoung confessedㅡ

can we talk about wooyoung later? i want to find san first you cut her off, desperation was heard in your voice

gahyeon's face softens, giving you an apologetic look as she holds your hand im sorry, love but i dont know where he went...but you know where he always goes to

you gave her a confused look as you try to think hard about the place san would always go and it hit you

the park

san stares at the night sky, seeing the stars shining in the dark as his tears rolls down on his cheeks. he's wondering how's wooyoung's confession goes, did you accept? or did you reject? he wonders if he ever get the chance to confess to you but he knows he doesnㅡ

san! his thoughts were cut off by your voice but he didnt believe that its yours, he thought he was dreaming

san! your voice got nearer and nearer choi san!

he whips his head to the side and saw you, panting really hard with your hair in a mess. he looks down, your hand holding a rose and the other holding your heels

wait, the roseㅡ

ㅡi love you, choi san!

san frozed on his spot, his mind went blank as he heard the words he was hoping to hear from you but he couldnt believe that he is hearing those words from you

you pant heavily, lifting the rose in your hand as you drop your heels

yes, i love you, san. i really do! you repeat your words, in case san wouldnt believe in you or he might be deaf. i love you, san

san lift his hand and point to himself m-me? you love me?? and you nod why, y/n? i thought you would like woo but me? why me? i thougㅡ

his words were cut off by your kiss, you were too fed up with his rambling that you decided to kiss him, to show that you are truly in love with him. in love with san. he automatically kisses you back, his hands cupping your cheeks as he deepens his kiss, finally giving you the love he keeps for you for a long time. you broke the kiss first, trying to breathe and so is he. san looks at you with love in his eyes as he placed his forehead on yours with his hands on your waist. the rose you were holding was no longer in your hands as it falls onto the ground with your heels when you kissed san.

it was silent for a moment, it wasnt any awkward silence but rather a comfortable one. you know.. you started to speak i realised that after wooyoung confessed to me, i didnt feel right.

san raised his eyebrow, urging you to continue

i didnt feel like im at home, you know? i dont feel like me whenever im around him but i do whenever im around you. i realised that i've been loving you hard ever since you protected me from those bullies though i thought it would be a small crush but it wasnt and whats their name again? was it kahi? sarah? whatever.

ㅡyou make me feel at ease when i have a storm in my mind everyday, you were there for me even if i never asked you to and you make me feel im at home when im with you you said, caressing his cheeks as you peck his lips, before looking at him in the eye with full of love.

you are my home, san.

a/n 2: and thats it!!!!!! i kinda like this but at the same time no jshdhsjsjdh also i think i have improved my english alot! but if there are still any errors in this writing, im so sorry! please give feedbacks on how i can improve! thank you!! xoxo

[a-little-book-wormy]

Thank you so much for the tag, @just-some-bibliophile

1. Nicknames?

Well, my name is Elysse and I don’t really have any nicknames but then again my family calls me Eese, or Geese lol 

2. Name?

Oh gosh, please don’t stalk me haha but my name is Elysse Paterson. So annoying though because both aren’t spelt how they normally are. 

3. Zodiac?

Pisces, that is why I am so emotional 

4. Favorite musician or group?

Oh gosh, impossible question. I have WAY too many.

5. Favorite sports team?

Winnipeg Jets (Hockey... I’m definitely Canadian eh)

6. Other blogs?

Oh gosh okay, I have so many here we go. 

@godsxandxgoddesses (Ancient History)

@finding-badgers (Yellow/Positivity”

@le-petit-peche (Plants/Greenery) 

I have a few RP blogs but I am just starting them and dont wanna put them out there. It’s mythological themed. 

7. Get asks?

Once and a blue moon yea

8. How many blogs do you follow?

Uhhhh I have no idea and i have no idea how to check really...

9. Tumblr crushes?

Nope, I don’t really talk to people ‘:) haha 

10. Lucky numbers?

I dont have any lucky numbers really... I do have clinical OCD so I do have a numbers issue... They are 5,6,13,30 dont know why but it can be quite bothersome when I am having an episode

11. What are you wearing right now?

Pyjama shorts and a tank top 

12. Dream vacation?

I have many dream destinations, Romania, Peru and all of Italy (Mainly where the ancient Romans/Greek people lived), Germany (because I wanna feel my ancestors home land) and Scotland (For the same reason)

13. Dream car?

Okay.. No one judge me please but a 1967 Black Chevy Impala because supernatural. First time i saw that model and it is absolutely gorgeous. I mean c’mon.

14. Favorite food?

Spaghetti and Americanized tacos... could eat them forever! Not to brag but im having tacos tomorrow and i couldnt be happier.

15. Drink of choice?

Gingerale or Fresca

16. Instruments?

Nope, used to play clarinet and the guitar but i sucked at both and hardly played.

17. Languages?

Fluent in English. I used to be in French emersion (Canadian things) but i wasn’t good at it and left. Then I tried German in high school but again wasn’t good at it, now i am learning Latin. If you can guess haha... i’m not good at it HOWEVER, I have to be fluent in that field for my career so even though I did 2 years of it, i’m sure i’ll get better. Me thinking i’ll never succeed in another language will only make it true.

18. Celebrity crushes?

Hmmm. Angelina Jolie, Chris Hemsworth, Tom Holland, Andy Biersack honestly I love so many.

19. Random fact?

The one I always say to this is I have a thing called Horners. It is where my pupils are permanently two different sizes. Sometimes it is hard to tell and other times it is soooo obvious. My right pupil is always bigger than my left 

20. Favorite ecosystem?

Uhhhh I have no idea. I guess somewhere where it isn’t too hot? If it is more than +15 celsius I die inside. 

21. Favorite cat species?

Siberian 

Tag list:

Ohhhh I am the worst that this... I dont really have any tumblr friends so uh here it goes. 

@oldfarmhouse @junglewave @plantsarefriendssometimesfood @fleur-aesthetic

@yellow-is-my-aesthetic @greekgodsaesthetictime @greek-myth @bookklempt

@bookaesthetics @green-grunge @plantsaretakingover @plantskies @booksquotescoffee

Feel free to tag yourself!!

[coffeecrusadeclub]

Roadtrip -tyrus fic

TJ POV:

I climbed into the passenger side of Cyrus's car. We were driving out to see Andi in New York. We had this trip planned since we found out Andi got accepted into the New York Institute of Art and Design a year ago. Of course there was a few details that changed since then. Buffy and Jonah were supposed to ride with me and Cyrus but Buffy caught a flight over there a week ago and Jonah couldnt get off work.

So that means it just me and Cyrus.. in a small green BMW... alone... for at least two days to and back

I mean dont get me wrong it's not that I didnt love the idea of a road trip with him or the idea of crashing at a hotel after long day of driving. Being alone with him just makes me so nervous, I mean I have been crushing on him since I was 15, that was five years ago and I still like him as much as I did in the beginning if not more. Hes my best friend and I know he wouldn't be upset about me liking him probably. I mean hes out and proud. But I'm not out I'm not proud. I'm afraid that's the way it's always been.

"TJ! My mans you ready to roll" Cyrus pulled me out of my thoughts, his voice filled with enthusiasm. It was cute and I felt a ball grow in the pit of my stomach. You cant like him TJ its wrong

"I- uh yeah! Let's go!! NY here we come!"

---------------

We had left at around 4am on Friday (to beat morning traffic as much as we could). It was now Saturday and there was about 2 hours left of us jamming out to Cavetown, Alec Benjamin, and many other amazing artists when Cyrus's phone went off.

"Who texted me? Can you check?" Cyrus asked only looking away from the road for a moment to look at me.

"Yeah hold up." I grabbed his phone, unlocking it to check the message.

"Uh- it's someone named Johnathon.. he put 'want to come over again tonight?' What do I tell him?"

I looked over at Cyrus who had stopped humming along to the music.

"I- uh tell him um tell him no and I'll talk to him later" he stumbled over his words. I nodded and typed out the text reading it outloud to get approval before pushing send.

"So... is he like your boyfriend or like a hookup or something?" I asked, trying to conceal the jealousy in my voice.

"Wh- no definitely not Teej" he replied defensively

"Hey I'm not judging you just a question"

"Sorry I just.. Hes just a friend. He likes me but it's not mutual and he keeps inviting me over but I'm not into him ya know?"

"Yeah, you should definitely tell him though. Sooner rather than later"

"I know theres a lot of things I should tell a lot of people but sometimes it's scary"

"Yeah there's a few things I'm afraid of saying to so I get you" I looked over at him for a second and smiled. The sun was setting and the glow it created around him was beautiful. He was beautiful. I cleared my throat shaking myself out of the thought and adjusted myself so I was facing away from him

"Are you okay Teej?" He put 1 hand on my back, the other still on the wheel.

"Yeah I'm-im fine" I muttered pulling away from his touch.

"You can talk to me about anything TJ I promise"

"I- itll change how you look at me"

"No TJ you're my best friend, I love you man I'm not gona judge you"

I felt my throat tighten at his words "later- on the way home maybe" I tried to respond calmly but my voice broke anyway and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I wasnt going to tell him I knew I wasnt. He was gona forget and I'd be off the hook.

--------

We spent 3 days in NY with Andi before we had to leave. Buffy stayed because her flight wasnt for a couple days. At first the drive was quiet, I was worried he'd bring our conversation up from 3 days prior.

We had been talking about everything really. Our lives, our hopes and dreams. And then the inevitable happened, I should have known better than to think he'd forget.

"What was it that made you cry the other day Teej... you said youd tell me on the way home"

I was driving so I didnt turn to look at him but I knew he was staring at me, waiting for me to answer. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. I wanted to tell him but my dads words from years prior kept playing in my head: "boys dont like boys TJ, its wrong. Do you want to go to hell? Dishonor our family? Then shape up"

"I um I dont know what youre talking about Cy, sorry. I guess I forgot"

"Tyler James Kippen you are so full of it. Please talk to me" I looked at him and instantly regretted it. I sighed

"I cant Cyrus. You don't get it. I can't tell you. If I tell you its real- I cant disappoint my family theyll h-hate me" My voice cracked and I put the emergency lights on, pulling to the side of the road.

I put my head down, resting my forehead against the steering wheel. I let out a small sob and shook my head. "I cant do it man"

"TJ hey no no nobody is going to hate you. Youll be okay I promise"

"Cyrus I'm- I'm gay and-" I stopped myself, did I want to do this? My dad's voice echoed in my head and I sighed.

"And?"

"And Im in love with you.. I felt this way since I met you but I was scared. I am scared.. People like me don't deserve people like you... My family is going to hate me. I hate me, there's something wrong with me."

"TJ no there is nothing wrong with you. You're family is not going to hate you. It might take them time to get used to but Ive met your family and they love you so much. That's not going to change. Im here okay? I love you too"

I looked up at him "You do?"

"Yes I have for a long time. Gosh Teej, and here I thought Jonah was oblivious." He teased and I looked up at him, a smile on my face.

I'm still apprehensive about the future but with him by my side? Well for the first time in ever I actually believe that Im going to be okay

[jenna-jayde-the-renagade]

When i was 13, i found out that men can and do become women. That there was a word for the way i felt inside: transgender. All i had to do in order to be who i am is reach out to the right people, seek help and support.

However, it isnt always so easy. Our world judges people like us in alot of scenarios, and for a kid who just wanted to live her best little life that was a scary concept. So i hid it, i did well until i was 15 and 16. My dad and my stepmom went through my room, twice. On both occasions they found womens clothing, which i would quite often wear to bed cause i felt so soothed by the soft fabric. I had leggings, and panties, and a sports bra, and a white tank top the first time. Even back then i always loved the way leggings hugged my lower half, and how relaxing and comfortable sleep was in them. Back then it was a source of comfort, i "dressed up" in order to cull the anxiety i had from putting on this mask every day. It was killing me.

I made fun of, i bullied my own kind, i bullied the LGBTQ community as a whole. I did it because i wanted to distance myself from my own identity, and cause i was jealous of other trans women who were already in their transitions and living their best lives!! I became a homophobic, misogynistic asshole to just get away from it, and to make sure nobody would ever expect it. I hate that period of my life, i look back on it in deep shame.

But then one day i moved into a place that i would eventually feel safe in. I was 18 now, and just starting to really get worn down by drugs and mental illness. But i turned around there, and i got really close to the staff at this group home. They supported me like my parents would, even though they were a different nationality and spoke bad english i felt closer to the group home workers than almost anyone else. They talked me down when i was mad or crying. They helped me get further in life. I had thoughts of coming out one day, and how i could probably do it both in vancouver and in this house. I had thoughts of how it would go. Who to tell first, it raged in my head for a couple weeks. But one day i was with my therapist, we were driving around and i had just gotten a cheddar bacon angus burger from mcdonalds with a vanilla bean frappuccino to drink. But before i could eat, my stomach wouldnt let me go on without telling my therapist whats really going on.

"I dont know how to say this ashley, but its been on my mind since i was 13 and ive planned out the whole process in my head already! Im fucking trans, im a woman, i want to be a girl and im tired of putting on this rough and tough mask just to try and fit in and be a man!! Im tired of rough, i want soft!! I want to have boobs!! I want to have nice long legs with thick hips! I want to see the sparkle come back to my eyes! I want to see my smile have happyness behind it, and not nothing, im tired of faking it!! Im scared, i could never do this around my dad, or in kelowna!! But ive got a fresh start in this city, and i know i can do it with the supports i have!! Everything i did was to please someone else, and i tried to be the best man i could to hide it.. im not a man though, im a happy, beautiful girl and im tired of hiding her!!"

That was 2017, in the spring. I was a drug addict back then, and i lived full time as a girl for 3 whole months!! Although i was so happy, and felt so comfortable in my skin i couldnt handle it once i lost my supports on top of my addiction.

On september 14th 2017, i buried Jenna for a while. I felt so horrible, even rhough i knew it was temporary i didnt know how temporary it would be. I was scared to be a boy now, and i felt even more dysphoric full well knowing the result of transitioning and the improvements to my mental health. Burying jenna was burying who i am. It couldn't last long, and once i got sober on december 15th 2018, and got myself into a safe space again in march. By late april i couldnt hold jenna inside me anymore, she needed out, jenna needed to bloom and grow big and strong!! I came out a second time to my mother and my grandmother who were both as accepting as two people who know no trans people aside from me can be. It went well, i told them it was time for me to resume my transition.

They were there for me when i reached out to Skipping stone, and got hooked up with a gender therapist. By august i had a date for when i would start hormones, october 9th 2019. On october 9th i was tense, i just wanted it to go right. I even had a little freakout in my appointment at my phone. But, after driving an hour and half each way, i walked out of my doctors office still in boy mode, but with a script for cyproterone and estradiol!! I started that night!!

When i started hrt, i was a different person in two weeks, i wasnt jayden, i was jenna. I acted way more feminine, my skin got softer, my erogenous zones changed, my voice got higher, my testicles shrunk. The feminization process had begun! I had emotional breaks here and there, and it hasnt been easy all the time. But my bad days today are still better than my best days when i was playing a character, acting as jayden. Today when i get sad, i put on something cute, and i take some cute pics and i look at them. I love it when i can honestly say, i love the way im changing. How my face lost the wrinkles of 5 years of bad habits in two months!! How my breasts are here and so so sensitive, i feel them moving on my chest and theyre like little stress sacks there for me to squeeze and hold when im feeling down!! I love the feeling of weight on my chest, and the jiggle when i walk or hit bumps on my bike! My medical transition so far is destroying any bit of my dysphoria!

I think trans is beautiful, because theres something just so positive, so god damn enlightening and beautiful. About one mans journey to woman. My body is changing, its curves being accentuated, its features becoming more noticeable by the day. I feel so much joy when i see a change, when i notice my body looks feminine. Or when i get compliments, like "my god youve got legs for days!!" It makes me know for a fact i chose right, cause im a beautiful girl, going through this beautiful process with beautiful changes.

Jenna jayde is a girl, i wasnt born a girl, but i make a better girl than i ever could have a boy. Wearing clothes that make me happy, and feel hugged all over from the soft tight fabric. Feeling emotions i never thought existed after a while on hrt!

Its so beautiful, like a sunflower swaying slightly in the summer breeze!

Life is better now, its worth standing up and fighting for.

Woot woot!! Its trans positivity jenna!! Woot woot!!

[todorokis-left-shoe]

Haircut

Metal was only three when Lee decided it was time to give him the signature bowl cut. But Metal, like many other kids his age, was afraid of the sharp scissors coming near his face. Lee had actually hyped up the hair cut to make it seem much more exciting, copying Hinata and Naruto when they had to give Boruto a haircut. But then when it came time to actually cut it, Metal put up a fight, which was quite the opposite to how Boruto had reacted— Metal just wasn't excited anymore. He hid under his arms, he shook his head when Lee even came within 10 inches of his head, he even screamed "no" in a big hissy.

Lee was at a loss. The season was getting hotter and hotter as the days went by and Metal's hair went past his chin, unruly and thick— defiantly an unfit summer hair style. Metal would roast with this mop covering his scalp. He had the bowl— that he was going to use as a mold of sorts— off to the side on the counter top, the scissors next it, both long abandoned. Metal had his little arms crossed over his chest, cheeks puffed out, and bushy brows furrowed tightly into a determined angry pount. Lee looked at his son, sitting in one of the two kitchen chairs wrapped up, quite messily from the prior struggles, in an old beat up bed sheet; he should have expected this. Metal was a timid child that ran away from things he didnt want to do, but when he wanted to be he could easily put his feet down and refuse to do something with more stubborn confidence than a bull! Lee eas told this would end after turning three but that was obviously a lie.

Lee leaned futher onto the counter, looking up to the ceiling for an answer— at least a hint of what to do would appease him. Lee scanned the uneven, very bumpy, surface above him as if it would give him any rational insight. Which was ridiculous to say the least. Its a ceiling! An inanimate object! Lee hung his head with a huff, exasperated and defeated equally. The ceiling can't so neither can his feet. This is hopeless!

"Daddy?" Metal's little voice piped up. Lee popped his head back up, seeing the little boy with sheepish eyes and a sad lip. His eyes looked bigger with slight guilt lingering in solid black. "Daddy, did I make you sad? Did I do somedin' wrong?" To reassure the boy that his troubles weren't real the older male broke out into a wide smile, although his eyes still hid worry inside— hopefully the boy couldnt read into that.

He waved the little one off, smile persistent. "No no son! I am fine!" He pushed himself off the counter ledge, straightening his posture to look more organized. "I was just thinking, don't worry." He chuckled.

Metal pushed the bed sheet further off his shoulders. "Okay. Can I go now?" Lee hung his head, defeated by his son's nonchalant manner. Metal tried his best to climbed down the chair while the sheet still stuck to his collar and wrapped around his body, however Lee stopped him midway, scooping the boy up in his arms. The younger didn't struggle out of his grasp, he only tugged at the sheet even more, ignoring his father's soft giggles. "No Metal, you are not getting out of this. Your hair is much too long now."

The three year old pouted again. The jounin loosened the bed sheet around his son's neck, keeping it tucked in his collar enough so he still couldn't pull it off easily. He lowered the boy down on the chair once again and knelt down to his level. He cocked his head to the side and stared the boy in the eyes, looking for an answer. "Metal," Said boy's face lit up at the mention of his name, expecting a stern talking to judging by the adult's steely tone. "Why do you not want to get your hair cut? I promise I will not hurt you or make you look bad."

Metal shook his head but said nothing.

"What is it that makes you so scared? Please tell me, son."

Metal looked away and pointed behind the other. Lee twisted around following the boy's finger to the pair of scissors. He reached for the sharp instrument. "These?" He held them by the blades, handle face up in the air. Metal rapidly nodded, still looking away. "Why—"

"'Cuz they hurt people! They cut open and they hurt!" It took a minute for the dotd to connect in in brain; he thought the scissors were kunai.

Lee thought back to a few weeks ago when he brought Metal along to watch him train, preparing for the start of his own training. Lee had set his tool pouch on the ground to avoid them from falling out as he did handstands— you know, to entertain the little one— however, as much of a watchfull eye he prided himself on, he made the mistake of looking away for a couple minutes. Metal had grown curious of his tool pouch and decided a kunai was a smart thing to play with. Lee, his paternal side kicking in full force, dashed for the boy to keep the sharp object out of his untrained hands. But the shock of his father coming at him with what looked like anger made the kunai slip and cut his hand. It wasnt a deep cut but it did bleed, much more than it had when he tripped and scrapped his knee running. Obviously, the little one did cry, it must of hurt much more to him than it would to Lee or any other adult. He is a child afterall.

Metal must of formed some sort of vendetta against them since then. Lee had to clear this up or else the kid could carry this mentality through life.

"Can you hold out your hands please?" Lee asked. Metal did so, not at all knowing what was happening. He was just doing what his dad told him to. Without another word Lee set the pair of scissors in Metal's palms. He thought about dropping them by the looks of it but ultimately decided not to. "These do not hurt people, son. And you definitely do not throw them! O-or run with them!" He quickly added the last bits— a fatherly lesson if you will.

"They dont?" Metal asked, a squeak in his voice. Lee shook his head. "They are for cutting hair. See," Lee took the instrument back and cut a couple of small strands of is own hair. He kept the strands in his palm and presented it to Metal. "For hair." He smiled.

Metal was still unconvinced. Lee let out sigh.

And then he got a potentially idiotic idea.

Lee carefully handed the scissors back and leaned forward, presenting a bit of his bang to Metal. "You try it! Go ahead!" He encouraged with a gleeful grin.

Metal looked at the object perplexingly. He took a hold of the handle like Lee had, trying his best to hold them with his tiny hands. Lee egged him on with a wider smile. Metal opened the mouth of the cutting tool, the older man watching closely. Lee leaned forward a couple more inches and Metal made contact with his hair. He closed the mouth and snip.

The hair strands fell gently down on the floor. The cut wasnt clean of course, more diagonal than straight, but nothing a little trimming couldn't fix. Not a big deal.

Lee was about to pull away when Metal pulled him down and he began to cut at the middle. Lee watched with horror as his hair fell, one strand after another. "M-M-M-Metal!? What are you doing!?" Lee managed to pull away while Metal hovered the scissors for a second. He covered the top of his head with his hands, panicked look as Metal's twisted into confusion.

"I was cuttin' daddy's hair." He said innocently.

Lee softened his face, leaving one hand on his head— very much fearful of the bald spot he might have now— and took the scissors back. He stood, Metal watching his every movement, and grabbed the large mixing bowl behind him. "Are you okay with these now?" Lee asked. Metal nodded, a slightly more confident look on his face. It still looked to be full of worry and fear but it seemed Metal was trying get past it. Lee smiled again and lightly nodded just before going behind his son and placing the bowl atop his head.

His shaggy black hair spilt out from the mouth, messy and tangled as usual. Lee put the scissors in his nondominate hand, blades facing away from Metal, and he took out one of the three combs he had in his back pouch. He combed through his son's hair, straightening it out. He finished it up, the ends threatening to curl upwards.

Lee got to work on neatly cutting away, leaving a neat undercut to keep his ears showing rather than to copy his own style. As Lee moved from the back to the front, Metal remained completely still and well behaved.

Bonus:

Later in the day, after neatening up his own hair, Lee took Metal out for groceries— and a new hat. He was on his way up to the counter when Tenten had spotted him and Metal, stopping them to say hi and compliment little Metal on his new haircut.

"Say Lee..." Tenten brought her attention to Lee's hair, noticing something different. "Did you get a haircut too?"

Lee rubbed at the back of his head, pushing Metal back a bit so he wouldnt point the embarrassing mess out. "W-what do you mean?" Tenten leaned in on Lee's personal space, trying to see the difference. Lee nerously sweat under her gaze.

Metal pulled on her pants leg, getting her attention. She looked down with a sweet smile, telling him to go on. "I c—"

Lee whisked him up in his arms, dropping the shopping basket full of nonperishables. "HE CAN RUN REALLY FAST NOW! BYE!"

Tenten watched the visibly panicked man run off with his son, and then it hit her. She hit the palm of her hand with her fist and said, "He has a bald spot now!" She laughed. "Guess being a dad has made him age faster, huh? Old man."

[duchessanon]

For the Love of Henri: Tome 5 - Kiss From A Rose

Here's what you missed: https://royalfandombible.blogspot.com/2019/01/for-love-of-henri-my-fanfiction.html

What you missed in summary: Prince Henri married a beautiful pauper girl named Philanthropina (Phily). Together they had baby Libby and adopted Prince George. His evil brother and sister in law were banished from the kingdom for their evil deeds. All was well until Henri decided to bid on Meghan Markle at a charity function. She then bid on the outcast Cambridges. Kate and Meg decided to come together to overthrow Phily.

---

At the footstep of the not £4 million cottage, Henri, Meghan Markle, Willy, Kate and Charlotte stood in anticipation.

Henri put his best stern face on. 'Now I must set some ground rules before we go in. My darling Phily will not be expecting any houseguests. You MUST behave, wear undergarments at all times and not use curse words. All that agree say "aye"'.

Everyone said aye apart from Charlotte who said 'aye aye me bastard'.

Henri gasped in dismay. But Kate, who was keen to impress Henri did the unexpected and disciplined her child.

'Charlotte, wash your mouth out! No Game of Thrones for you tonight'.

'BUSYBODY!!!' Charlotte screamed.

Just then the door of the humble cottage opened and a light so bright emerged. It was so heavenly that it took a moment to notice it was coming from Phily and her cherub of her baby daughter, Libby.

'Speak of the devil and she will come' Willy snickered, and Kate elbowed him in the nethers.

'Henri my love, is everything ok?' she asked sweetly. 'I heard a commotion'.

Phily was dressed the same haggard, brown ensemble she was wearing the day they met. She was not ashamed of her roots as a pauper girl.

'Yes my dear' Henri stuttered, kissing her soiled, hardworking feet. 'We have some visitors'.

Phily was no doubt surprised to see the Cambridges and a random beautiful woman on her door step. But she would never turn anyone away from her door.

'Come in brother, sister and unknown woman', she said selflessly.

During this interaction, Meg had been quietly observing. She needed to be smart if she was going to win over Henri's heart. But every one knew a way to a man's heart is through his nethers, so she touched him on the place she knew to be every man's weak spot - his back.

Henri was startled at the feel someone's hand on his back. No-one did that apart from Phily. But not in a domineering way, in a gentle, supportive way that never implied he was a cuckhold. He knew it could be no one but Meghan Markle. But instead of disgust, Henri felt that uncontrolable nether shudder.

As Phily welcomed the Cambridges, Charlotte greeted her brother George and Libby by rapping Nicki Minaj's 'Monster' while standing on Phily's self made, recycled, environmentally friendly dinner table.

"OK first things first I'll eat your brains Then I'm a start rocking gold teeth and fangs 'cause that's what a motherfucking monster do Hair dresser from Milan that's the monster do

Monster Giuseppe heel, that's the monster shoe

Big Lizzie is the roster and a monster crew

But really, really I don't give a F-U-C-K Forget Georgie, fuck Libby 'cause she's fake She's on a diet but her pockets eating cheese cake And I'll say bride of Chucky is Child's play Just killed another career it's a mild day

Now look at what you just saw This is what you live for Aaaahhh, I'm a motherfucking monster!"

***Musical interlude*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTkEpkGKgoY

The next morning Henri explained that their visitors were only there for 5 days as per the rules of the auction. Phily cooked up a sustainable breakfast and to her shock Kate offered to wash everything up.

'They really have changed' Phily said to Henri, who was weaving baskets for the poor with Libby. 'Even William is taking an interest in his son', she smiled in a motherly way.

Willy and George were weaving baskets next to the window, out of earshot.

'I hate this place!' George said sulkily 'they make me go to a pauper school that they dont have to pay for'.

'You dont say', Willy said smirking, his limited cogs turning in his brain. 'They took a school place from a pauper child, did they?'

'Don't even try it Pops. They offset it by building a new wing of the school with their bare hands and that stupid Phily volunteers as a music teacher too.'

'Ass lickers' Willy scowled. He really hoped he could get in touch with all the tabloids and plant negative stories.

Despite this setback, Willy was happy to see that nature had won over nurture and George had demanded to change his name back from Philip, and had not given in to doing any philanthropy.

Over at the kitchen sink, Kate had enlisted help from Meg with the dishes.

'Right bitch, how we gonna get rid that busybody Phily?' Kate said licking a plate clean and handing it to Meg to dry with Phily's wedding dress, which she had mistaken for a dishcloth.

'Well H will be a breeze, when I passed him after I'd taken a dump this morning, I saw him slap his nethers', Meg said sneakily.

Kate cackled, 'today's the day you make your move, I'll distract Phily, you get him to kiss you, George will take a photo and tweet it to Piers Morgan and we're done!'

'How you gonna distract her?' Meg asked.

Kate winked at Meg. At least she tried, but she couldnt wink so she just blinked instead. 'Watch and learn from the master'.

Kate stumbled into the basket weaving area, clutching her stomach, 'oooh ouch owwww ooooh'.

Phily ran over immediately. With her medical degree, she could solve any problem, 'sister, whatever is the matter?'

Just then, Kate pulled up her skirt, revealing a small head. 'I-i-i-i'm giving birth!'

'WHAT THE FUCK!' Charlotte screamed.

Willy stayed where he was and said nonchlantly, 'you're preggers again?'

'What does it look like dipshit! Sorry Phily I dont mean to curse, it's just painful you know?'

Phily tried to understand, but in reality pain during childbirth is the one thing on earth she couldnt relate to, for hers was pain free.

Ushering Kate onto the handmade couch, Phily went into full midwife mode, sending Henri to get warm towels.

Kate blinked as a signal to Meg and she followed him up the ricketty staircase.

At the towel cupboard upstairs, Meg began to sob.

'Oh dear, Meghan, what be the matter?!' Henri asked with a genuine concern that his brother could never muster.

Meg sniffed, pulling out her best acting skills, 'oh it's just so emotional seeing new life coming into the world'

'There there' said Henri, patting her on the arm.

'Oh H!' she wailed, falling into his arms. She puckered up her lips and launched at his mouth. But before she could land the kiss, Henri turned his cheek.

Around the corner, George snapped the photo using a camera he'd stolen from 'that cry baby' photographer Garther Tedwards.

Although Henri's nethers were now beating like the Beychella marching band, his love for Phily overwhelmed him.

'Stop Meghan Markle! I beg of you', he hollered .

Meg was taken aback by his rejection, 'I'm so sorry H! Please forgive me'. She fled down the ricketty staircase.

Kate was on the couch legs akimbo screaming expletives at Willy, who was now reluctantly sitting next to his wife to assist with the birth.

"FUCK YOU!!!! DID I ASK YOU TO SIT NEXT TO ME YOU BASTARD/BITCH???? FUCK YOU CUNTHOLE!!! FUCK YOU!!!"

Willy chuckled to himslef as he remembered Henri's ex girlfriend, the beautiful Jimmu, who had now somehow possessed Kate.

"IF THIS FUNNY TO YOU NOW??? BLOODY CUNTING BITCH!!! FUCK YOU CUNT!!! FUCK OFF & SHOWVE YOUR HEAD UP YOUR ASS YOU CUNT!!! FUCKING WHORE!!! NOW YOUR OFF MY NICE LIST YOU CUNT!!!"

Meghan held up an X sign to show Kate the plan had failed, which didn't help the situation.

Shortly after, Henri emerged with George and Garthur's camera, trying to explain why stealing was wrong. Curiously, the Cambridge children were the only children in the entire world Henri could not make like him.

After a few long minutes, the baby was ready to come out. Kate pushed one more time and felt something drop onto the couch.

'Is it out?!!!' she yelled.

Phily checked, 'no sister, you've just passed your bowels. Not to worry, keep trying'.

Kate was enraged that Phily would suggest this. 'All I'm good for is making babies, you think I dont know the difference bitch! YOUR BORN A PAUPER & YET YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE YOU EWITH YOUR SHIT COMMENT??? FUCK OFF MOTHER FUCKER I DIDN’T ASK YOU"'

Phily, remaining calm, picked up the brown item with her bare hands, noting in her head that Kate should eat more fruit, and showed it to her.

Kate grabbed the excrement at once and threw it in Willy's face. This delighted Charlotte who danced around him in a circle chanting 'shit face, shit face'.

Finally, sick of being inside such a woman, the baby pushed itself out and landed in Phily's arms. 'William, Catherine - it's a boy', she beamed.

The Camridges faked happiness, but Henri and Phily were genuinely delighted.

'What will you call him?' Phily said, cradling the baby as Kate wanted to watch Real Housewives rather than hold him.

'Shit baby!' Charlotte suggested, but no one agreed.

'Well actually he could have a name related to his arrival' Willy said. 'How about Loo?'

'Loo is the British slang term for toilet' Henri explained to Meg.

'I have an idea!' Meg said. 'Louis - but like Loo - wee'. Kate shrugged in agreeement. 

'You want to name this cherub after a toilet and urine?' Phily asked, feeling sorry for the baby despite the fact he was biting her finger with his gummy mouth.

'You have a problem with my parenting decisions Phily?' Kate asked, almost threateningly.

'Never!' Phily gasped in horror. She would never dream of being so stupid as to judge a woman on what she named, or how she held her baby.

'Charlotte darling, why dont you sing a little song to celebrate Loowee's arrival' Willy said.

Charlotte immediately began a rendition of Lily Allen's 'Fuck you'.

"Fuck you Fuck you very, very much 'Cause your words don't translate And it's getting quite late So please don't stay in touch Do you get Do you get a little kick out of being slow-minded? You want to be like your father It's approval you're after Well that's not how you find it"

 ***Musical interlude***  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OK4fJhbRL1g

---

Two days later, while Phily, Henri and Libby were on an engagement, Meghan finally got a chance to speak to Kate again. She had been busy watching the Real Housewives marathon and telling Loowee to pipe down.

'What we gonna do about H?' Meg asked. 'He's been avoiding me since Loowee's birth'

'It's obvious he's not gonna ditch that halfwit willingly. We gotta get rid of her - for good! It's time for drastic action'. Kate pressed her engagement ring, she had a button installed in it so it would send a shock up Willy's ass when she needed him.

Willy came running, 'yes babykins?'

'Gimme your phone'.

Willy handed it over relutantly. Kate opened his messages and found his conversation with someone only identified by a Rose emoji. She texted quickly - 'get 2 Nott Cott now'.

Five minutes later there was a knock at the door. When Meg opened it, a woman who could have been a Kate impersonator stood before her. 

'Meg, Rose, Rose, Meg' Kate said, not bothering with formal introductions. Willy looked sheepish in the corner (allegedly).

Meg didnt know who Rose allegedly was but she didn't care. She just wanted to know how she could help her ensnare H.

Kate explained the plan. 'As soon as Phily gets home, we're gonna feed her an apple dosed with botox. Phily is allergic to anything superficial so she'll become drowsy. That's where Rose comes in. She's a witch and with one kiss, Phily will be gone.'

Meg considered the implications of killing the future queen, but came to the conclusion it was worth it.

And so the plan was set. Meg wrote 'you are so loved Phily' on an apple and Kate injected it with the botox she always kept in her bra.

When Phily got home, she was full of the joys of spring. 'We met the most wonderful disadvantaged people today', she beamed. 'I just love saving people'.

Henri smiled lovingly at his wife, 'and they love you, belle'.

'Speaking of love!' Meg said. 'You must take this gift'. She handed her the apple and Phily was touched.

'How wonderful! I will eat it later' she said.

'No you must eat it now sister' Kate said, wearing a full hooded cloak.

'But it's time for dinner' said Phily.

'So what, eat it!' George said impatiently.

'Yeh Phily, why you gotta be so busybody?' Charlotte added.

'Oh no I really shouldnt' Phily said innocently.

'Just eat the fucking apple!' said a voice from the window. They all turned around and Philpot was riding past on his horse and cart.

'Well if grandfather says so' Phily said. She bit into the apple and immediately felt a little faint as the botox hit her pure blood.

Elegantly, she fell into Henri's big, strong arms.

'Mon amour!' Henri yelled, carrying her up the ricketty stairs swiftly.

'Oh no, what has happened?' Meg said. Her acting ability really was wasted on Suits.

'There must've been something artificial in the apple' Henri said, laying her on their handmade bed.

'How could there be?' said Kate. 'It's from your very own Orchard For the Hungry'.

Phily was still breathing but was confused.

Henri was devestated at the thought that his orchard might be to blame.

'It's ok Henners, I know a great doctor that is THE expert on allergies'. Meg said.

Just then there was a knock at the bedroom door and Rose allegedly entered wearing a white doctor's coat.

'Here she is now, this is Dr Rose, allegedly', Meg said.

Henri didnt have time to question how she got there so fast, so just said in a panicked voice, 'Dr Allegedly, please help my wife!'

'Everyone who is male and under 2 years of age must leave the room' said Rose.

'No I can not leave her!' Henri wailed, falling at Phily's bedside.

George at once knew it was his time to shine because his father was too dimwitted to defuse this situation.

'Uncle Henri, please could you tell me again why one should never dress as a member of a fascist, murdering political party? I just dont understand why it's so bad' George said sweetly.

Henri knew at once that his greater calling was to teach George right from wrong. It is what Phily would want.

He left the room with one last glance at Phily who was humming 'Once upon a dream'.

That left Kate, Meg, Rose, Charlotte and Phily.

'Get it done Rose!' whispered Kate.

'In order for the enchantment to work, you must all join hands and sing the death kiss soundtrack, the underrated classic 'Kiss from a rose' by Seal'.

***Musical interlude*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMD2TwRvuoU

Rose kissed Phily on the lips, as the others encircled them singing hypnotically.

A pink mist left Phily's mouth and was inhaled by Rose. 'It is done'.

There was a moment of silence before Kate fell at Rose's feet and looked deeply in her eyes as she sang.

"You remain

My power, my pleasure, my pain.

To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah

Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby.

But did you know, That when it snows,

My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen."

Meg gasped. She had been foolish. It was Kate who was allegedly having an affair with Rose, not allegedly Willy!

She didnt have time for that revelation now. She needed to check Phily was really gone.

Checking her pulse, she waited for a few moments until suddenly she felt it beat.

'Damn it Rose, she's alive!' Meg said, losing her temper.

'ARE YOU DUMB, BITCH??!' screamed Charlotte.

Rose rushed over from her alleged embrace with Kate, who had shed her cloak and was now in a real snake skin body suit.

She checked her pulse, and discovered Meg was correct. Her pulse was beating every 19.84 seconds - the year of Henri's birth.

'Oh fuck' Rose allegedly said. 'I've only heard about this happening in fairytales. When the love between husband and wife is pure, the kiss will not work to its full effect'.

Meg screamed into her hands. 'How can it be pure when H's nethers react to me?'

'That is simply a test from Jesu. The point is, Henri has resisted your advances, thus proving the purity of his love'. Rose explained to the room.

At this point, Charlotte lost it. She wanted to be back in her £4 million apartment, not this shitty dive.

'I don’t need a damn explanation about what she asked. Seriously do not act too smart about teaching me things. Asshole answer the question do not even try to be a bloody smart ass. Seriously pisses me off!!!' she yelled.

Rose looked at Kate quizically.

'A bout of Jimmutitus' Kate shrugged.

'What do we do?!' Meg said desperately.

'As long as Henri doesnt suck Phily's toe, the curse will remain in place and the princess will remain in a slumber forever' said Rose.

Kate stroked her chin, 'so technically, we could just SAY Phily's dead? As long as we keep any qualified medical staff away from her?'.

'I guess' Rose said. 'Can I go now?'.

'Yeah, bye', Kate said.

'How are we gonna keep everyone away from Phily?' Meg asked. 

By this point Kate was running out of patience with her co-conspirator and her incessant questions.

'HEY FUCKER, DID I ASK YOU ANYTHING???? DID I??? MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!' Kate screamed.

'Uh oh you've done it now' Charlotte sniggered.

Meghan was stunned, 'but I-i-i-i was just asking, we're running out of time'

'WHO THE FUCK ASKED YOU BITCH FOR YOUR SHIT OPINION??? BLOODY FUCKING BITCH!!! GET A LIFE!!!'

'Ok ok I'm sorry Kate!'

'MAYBE IF YOU HAD SHUT THE FUCK UP I WOULDN'T BE SCOLDING YOU NOW!!! FUCKER!!! Just shut up and let me think'.

Kate closed her eyes and thought for approximately 10 seconds. In the meantime, Charlotte took off her sock and stuffed it in Meg's mouth to stop any more questions.

When Kate was done thinking, she strode over to the window and flung it open. Beneath her was the sprawling gardens of Kensington Palace.

She took a deep breath and yodelled out of the window 'EUUUUUUGBEEEEEEEEEEEEEA!!!!!!'

Meghan wanted to ask who Eugbea was but she didnt dare.

Within 5 seconds, a figure came running up the lawn. Charlotte leant on the window frame watching the woman run 'urgh her dress is SO tragic'.

'Meg get over here, lean your head back like this', Kate said.

Both woman stuck their heads out of the window and their hair tumbled to the ground.

When Eugbea reached the bottom of the window, she said 'I think I should go up the stairs'

'SHOVE WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK UP YOUR FUCKING ASS!!! Get up here!' Kate hollered.

Eugbea knew better than to argue and began climbing up the wall using the hair as ropes. Finally she made it to the top and clambered into the bedroom.

As soon as she saw Phily lying unconscious on the bed, she let out an inhumane wail. Phily was like the sister Eugbea never had.

'There there, let it out' Kate said, patting her back, suddenly kind. Charlotte stood underneath her catching her tears in her hands.

As usual, Meghan was perplexed so Charlotte filled her in whispering 'this is Eugbea, a blood princess. Blood princesses cry diamond tears so I'm collecting them to make a cage for Phily.'

Meg didnt understand how Charlotte had worked all of this out in the minute that had gone past, but she wanted it to work so bad that she too patted Eugbea's back.

Eugbea turned around nervously at the touch, 'w-w-who are you?'

'No time for that' Kate said, poking her in the eye.

Eugbea cried even more until there were enough diamonds to build the cage.

At once, Charlotte threw the diamonds in the air and they cascaded down in the shape of a dome around Phily, creating a solid diamond barrier.

Once they had ensured nobody could get through it by repeatedly shoving Eugbea against it, Kate pushed her back out of the window and slammed it shut.

'We ready girls? Put on your best sad faces'. They all turned their smiles upside down and Kate pressed her engagement ring.

Willy came flying up the stairs with the boys and Libby. Henri stormed towards his love.

'What is this!' he asked in dismay, looking at Phily through the dome.

Meg began to cry dramatically, 'Dr Rose did everything she could but it wasnt enough, she's gone!!!'

Henri fell flat on his back like a plank, 'NoOoOoOoOoOoOoooooooOOOO!'

Libby ran over and began to sing 'Memory' from Cats in a beautiful operatic voice (the musical version, not the movie one because Libby had refined tastes).

"Touch meeeeee,

It is so easy to leave meeeeee

All alone with the memoryyyyyyyy

Of my days in the suuun

If you touch me,

You'll understand what happiness is

Look, a new day has beguuuuuuuuun"

***Musical interlude*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pm5w7gHEtJI

----

No public outcry was big enough for Phily. So the royal family decided to send her diamond tomb around the commonwealth via boat (not environmentally unfriendly jet) so her people could say goodbye personally. She was pulled over dying land on a horse and cart, and people threw seeds at her tomb instead of flowers. This meant that the land would become nourished once more.

Even when dead, Phily was working.

After 6 months of travelling, she returned to the UK and was placed in the Windsor Castle tomb with all the greatest kings and queens of England. Luckily for Meg, no one had noticed that Phily was indeed alive.

Henri was devestated but continued to work, alongside Libby.

The public love for Phily had meant that the Cambridges were provisionally forgiven and they moved back into KP on the condition that they undertook at least one engagement a year.

Meghan Markle had remained in Nottingham Cottage to support Henri while flying (not boating) back and forth to Canada to film her show Suits.

Meg had not tried to seduce Henri's nethers as she knew she must gain the public's trust first and act as a good friend.

But she couldnt wait any longer. Since Kate had moved home, she wanted nothing more to do with Meg, so she had concocted a new plan all by herself.

One evening, Henri was carving scultptures for the PPPCT - Princess Philanthropina Pauper Conservation Trust. Meg was in the kitchen roasting a chicken and wafting the smell towards Henri to replicate the cozy vibes Phily always managed to make.

'H, I was thinking for the 6 months anniversary of Phily's passing, we should have an event, the public need to be cheered up' she said, sounding philanthropic.

'A wonderful idea to think of the people of Britain and the commomwealth Meghan, what shall we do?'

'Mmmmmm, well what cheers the British more than anything?' she asked innocently.

'There are only 2 things that cheer Brits. Winning a sport and a royal wedding for a SENIOR member of the family', Henri said.

Meg smirked to herself, he'd bought it hook, line and sinker. 'We cant cheat in sport so maybe a royal wedding is our only option!'

'But we have no single members left that are loved enough' H said dumbly.

Meg rolled her eyes behind his back. 'Well you are single H, and no one is more loved than you!'

H gasped. 'I couldn't!'

Meg, wearing a British flag dress batted her eyelashes. 'Phily is gone and she'd want you to be happy. But she'd want you to make the British people happier'.

H thought for 1.5 seconds and decided she was right. He scolded himself for being selfish, Phily WOULD want him to serve the people above anything else.

'You're right Meghan, but who would I marry?'

'It's funny you asked because I found this in between Phily's reuable sanitary pads' she pulled out a ring box and opened it. Inside was a diamond engagement ring. 'Phily must have had it made, just in case this happened'.

H wept, 'oh my love was so kind!'.

Meg accidently on purpose dropped it on the floor and when Henri gallantly bent on one knee to pick it up, she yelled 'YES!'

'Um what?'

'YES I'LL MARRY YOU!' she grabbed Henri by the collar and pulled him into a hug, planting a big kiss on his perfect lips.

Henri was speechless. It seemed he had just proposed.

And just like that, Meghan Markle and Henri, the Prince of the People, were engaged to be married!

[hold-me-dolan]

DM’s: E.D. x Reader.

A/N: Hi guys, this is my first EVER imagine/fan fic/whatever. But please don’t judge me too hard, and try to learn to love me lol

Warnings: college behavior  

--

The Dolan twins. Ugh. Where do I even start?

You haven’t even been a fan of theirs for a month yet but they had already stolen your heart. There was so many things about them that you adored. The thing you loved most about them was the way they seemed so sincere when they were addressing their fans.

Before you watched the Dolan’s YouTube videos you knew them from their Vines. You thought they were just another set of guys trying to go big time from their good looks and humorous behavior. But that was back when they were about 15 years old. It wasn’t until your younger sister made you sit down with her to watch their YouTube videos. At first, you were annoyed and acted like they were too young for you. But as soon as she showed you their survival video, you had a thing for Ethan. He was the kind of guy you always wanted: he was funny, sarcastic, immature, and always making fun of his brother. For some reason this made you smile.

Even though you loved both of them so much, there was something about Ethan. That boy just made you smile more than you thought was humanly possible. Anything he did made you go wild. And yeah, his twin brother, Grayson, was extremely hot and so sweet, but Ethan’s goofy and dominate behavior made your insides quake. That was when you were determined to make that boy YOURS.

After watching a few of their videos, you looked both of them up on social media. You were soon aware that Grayson had way more followers than Ethan. Finding this out made you sad because you knew that Ethan was just as hot as Grayson, but he had a different personality. Not that you didn’t love Grayson’s sweet and loving demeanor, but there was something about Ethan’s humor that made him your favored twin. And for some reason, you couldn’t figure out why Grayson had so many more followers than Ethan. Almost as immediately as you were saddened by this fact, you became happy. The fact that Ethan had less girls flaunting over him made you smile. You knew that you might have an even better chance of getting Ethan’s attention since more girls were obsessed with Grayson.

As a college girl, you went to a few frat parties. You didn’t make it a point to go out, but one night when your sorority sisters influenced you to go to a social you found yourself kind of drunk. Getting drunk wasn’t something your normally did, but you thought that you would let yourself get loose after months of staying locked in your apartment.

Because you were kind of drunk, you found yourself more confident than usual. You were introducing yourself to almost every guy you saw, and teasing them about anything and everything – since that’s the type of girl you were….

----- BACKGROUND: your whole life you grew up only being friends with boys and you were closer with all your male relatives. You didn’t like girls, so it shocked even you that you were in a sorority. Most people just thought you were a tomboy. But only you (any probably your parents) knew you only liked boys because you were majorly obsessed with boys. Ever since 1stgrade, when you found out about “kooties” you were embarrassed about liking boys. That’s why you always hid your obsessions with friendships. The fact that your friendships never turned out to be something more made you really upset, but you never let anyone see that side of you. You always went along with it, and acted like one of the boys. Even when your best friend called you “one of the boys,” you weren’t upset. You led yourself to believe you were truly a “boy.” You thought you would never find love, so you found peace in the fact you always had boys to love you, even if they were just friends. ----

(NOW) Once you realized you truly in fact loved Ethan, you decided you would let your guard down. You decided since he and his twin were so famous, you had nothing to lose and you could show your true emotions. That’s when you made your mind up and decided you were going to get Ethan to notice you, no matter what.

You knew that the twins had so many girls loving them, and your little messages wouldn’t be noticed. So you messaged them on Instagram. You weren’t shocked that they didn’t reply, let alone they didn’t even read your message. You were upset but not really since you knew how famous they were. That was, until one night when you were very drunk.

Most times when you got drunk you just went back to your apartment and fell asleep. This night, though, you were feeling really lonely because you saw your sorority sisters pairing off with boys from the party. Your tom-boyish personality made every guy love you, but deep down you knew it wasn’t what you wanted. You played it off, acting like you loved being every guy’s best girl-friend. But when you were drunk, you always showed how you really felt about never having a boy for yourself.

On this night, though, you decided to take your shot. You messaged Ethan, only, on Instagram. The alcohol gave you an extra boost of confidence, even though you knew he still wouldn’t see it. You messaged Ethan,

           “I love you so much, please say ‘Hi.’”

You went to bed smiling, hoping to get a reply from Ethan.

You woke up the next day to the sound of your alarm clock with a pounding headache and regret from all the things you did from the night before. You tried not to think about the fact that you challenged almost every guy you say to a shot gun race, saying you could beat them (even though you did.) Thinking about all the beer you consumed made your stomach ache, and you rolled over trying to fall back asleep. It was 8 a.m. and you decided you weren’t going to make it to your 9 a.m. You fell back asleep and tried to forget about the embarrassing things you did the previous night.

You woke up later, checked your phone, and noticed it was 1 p.m. You were happy that you ~somewhat~ got rid of your hangover by sleeping it off. You decided it was a good enough time to officially wake up and check your phone. You were still hungover and somewhat dizzy, when you saw an Instagram notification saying “message from @ethandolan.” You assumed it was a fan account, since you followed a few and liked a lot of their posts. You first checked all your texts and snapchats from your friends making sure you were okay. Once you got through those, you clicked on the Instagram app on your phone.

You scrolled through a few posts, then you decided to check out the Dolan fan account that messaged you. You assumed it was just some crazy girl trying to get you to make them more popular, and you rolled your eyes. When you swiped over to your messages, you thought you were more hungover than you thought – maybe even still drunk!

You saw the blue checkmark next to ethandolan and you blinked your eyes. There was no way Ethan really saw your message, or even messaged you back. You closed your eyes for a moment and blinked before looking back at your phone screen. Then, you really thought it might be the real Ethan Dolan that messaged you.

You got really excited and clicked on the message immediately. You saw your message from the night before, and quickly got a sense of embarrassment. Your cheeks were burning up, and you closed your eyes again. Thinking about the message you sent Ethan the night before reminded you of all the embarrassing things you did at the frat party.

Once you got over your regrets, you looked back at your phone. You read the message “Hey girl! You’re so sweet! Me and Grayson really appreciate your love!”

You dropped and screeched. There was no way THE Ethan Dolanmessaged you back. Once again, you rubbed your eyes and blinked several times. Then you realized it was in fact the Ethan Dolan. You blushed more – if that was even possible – and quickly thought of a response:

           “You don’t even realize how happy you make me.”

You locked your phone and dropped it, still smiling at the fact that ETHAN DOLAN answered your DM. A few minutes later, your phone buzzed. With your heart racing, you jumped and looked at your phone, only to see a text from your Mom. Supposedly you sent her a ~drunk~text the night before, and she wanted to make sure you were okay. You answered her, and tried to play it off that you were not as drunk as you actually were.

Just before you were about to get up and shower, you got another notification on your phone. Thinking it was your Mom again, you scoffed. When you looked at your phone you realized it was ETHAN. AGAIN.

You quickly clicked on the message, and saw:

           “Don’t say that.”

As you were about to type, you bubbles pop up. Eventually, you read his next message:

           “Y/N, I promise I don’t do this. But… what’s your snapchat.”

You had literally never smiled more in your life. You gave it a couple minutes before answering him. Almost immediately after you sent Ethan your snap username, you got a notification saying “Ethan Dolan has added you as a friend!” You could not believe what was happening. You clicked on the notification, and added him back. That’s when you thought nothing good could from this. Your heart would be forever broken if he wanted nothing more than just another fan on snapchat, to prove Grayson he had more fans.

--

A/N: please lmk if you want a part 2! Idk if I'm any good at writing this stuff, but I find it fun (lol, right.!) yeah so message me if you want more, or if it was terrible just tell me to stop :) I won’t be offended considering I haven’t written short stories since 4th grade. Also, I haven’t used Tumblr since 7th grade, but I'm trying to get back into it :)))))) maybe I shouldn’t lol ok goodnight!

[reesewestonarchive]

chapter nine / rem belongs to @forlornraven / masterpost / mature content

Nakoa wakes to darkness. He finds out easily that he’s in a vehicle; the rumble of tires beneath him, the loud, high-pitched squeal of rubber on asphalt.

The hard, unforgiving feel of metal against his shoulder. He opens his eyes, but it makes no difference. He sees slivers of light, but nothing really. Nakoa blinks, once, twice, and, when he turns over, finds himself grateful for the lack of light, because just the slivers of daylight peeking through are enough to send spikes through his brain.

“You awake?” He jolts at the sound of a voice, relaxes when Rem adds, “Hey, it’s just me.” His words are near slurring, though. Nakoa spins his head to look for him, nervous, worried, but it’s impossible to see in the darkness. “I—” Rem huffs a frustrated breath. “Can’t see a fucking thing—where are you?”

One of Rem’s boots finds Nakoa’s ribs. He mutters an apology, then says, “Hang on—” before he reaches down, his hand skirting along Nakoa’s back until he reaches Nakoa’s hands, clasped behind him. “Hold still.”

The ties release after just a second, and when Nakoa pulls them up, he asks, “How the fuck did you get out of them?” The plastic rubbed his wrists raw, even as short as they were on.

He can hear Rem’s grin in his voice when he speaks, though, and his presence makes the dark, unforgiving trcuk a little less foreboding. “You think I leave the motel without a knife?”

Nakoa would laugh, if he could. Instead, he reaches a hand out, trying to find Rem in the dark. “Where—” he says, before he makes contact with Rem’s knee. Relief settles in his stomach, and he reaches out for Rem’s hand, squeezes it. Feels better already when Rem squeezes back.

“You okay?” Nakoa asks. “That looked.” Bad. Terrible. Nakoa sees it no matter where he looks, Rem lying on the asphalt like that.

“Mm.” But his voice sounds far away. “Nakoa.”

“Yeah.”

“What the fuck?”

Nakoa should have known, knows he should have. That he should have said something to Rem, but… “My father’s—” The word tastes bitter on his tongue. “…in imports.”

“Drugs,” Rem says, immediately. “Fucking hell, Nakoa.”

It’s how Nakoa got started. It’s why he kept going with them. Michael’s into more than just weed, though, and therein lies the problem. That Nakoa knows. Michael had beat him, when Nakoa found out, and has since used his strength to his advantage. Try as he might, Nakoa can only throw a punch if he’s catching someone off guard, if they can fight worse than he can.

Michael doesn’t fit the bill, and he’s always carrying.

“I didn’t have a choice!” Nakoa says. “And I thought. Maybe, if I wasn’t there… why would he waste a bunch of bullshit on me? Men, resources.” Why would he follow Nakoa across the country? Nakoa, of all people?

“You stole from him,” Rem says. His voice comes out flat. “Nakoa.”

“You don’t get to play like you wouldn’t have done the same fucking thing,” he says, tone sharp. He pulls back from Rem, smells blood on his hands as he wipes them down his face. “How often have you stolen whiskey?”

“It’s legal! You wanna compare that to coke?”

Exhausted, suddenly, Nakoa says, “I really need you to not fucking judge me. I stopped, okay? He didn’t notice, and even if he had, what was he gonna do?” Michael hates Nakoa; always has. A disappointment, and that isn’t even considering Rem. That’s not considering the fact that Michael knows, and always has, that Nakoa beds men as often as he does women. It’s been like this since Nakoa was born, his father distant for work, and Nakoa eager for his approval and stumbling on his work at thirteen.

“He couldn’t do anything about it then,” Nakoa says. “But now what’s stopping him? His kid went missing. No one’s gonna care if I end up in a ditch.”

“Don’t fucking joke about that.”

Nakoa shuts his mouth, though. Taps his fingers on the metal on the floor. He says, “I should have told you.” He wants to apologize; can’t.

Wishes that he could just… touch Rem. No expectation. Find comfort in his touch.

He holds his hands to himself, and neither of them speak.

Eventually, the van slows to a stop, and doesn’t start again. Rem gets to his feet, says, “I got this.” Nakoa hears the knife unlatching in his hand. “Stay back.”

“Don’t being a knife to a gun fight, you—” Nakoa sighs. “Just—get behind me.”

“I’m not going to let you—”

“He’s my father,” Nakoa says, his voice cracking. “Let me deal with him.” He thinks about clocking Rem on the head again, but if he got knocked out that bad, he might already have a concussion.

Nakoa doesn’t say, “I want you safe.” He doesn’t say that it means more to him that Rem is okay, that Rem can go home. Maybe Rem thinks he’s worthless, but he’s Nakoa’s entire world.

The door slides up, and Nakoa blinks against the blinding light. Rem stands behind him, body heat warming Nakoa’s back. Michael’s behind his men, chatting on the phone, but Nakoa doesn’t move, not until Michael says, his voice almost bored, like he’s not still devising a plan. “Come join me for dinner.”

Nakoa blinks. “Pretty fucking dramatic entrance for dinner.”

Michael rolls his eyes. “You could show a little respect.”

Already disappointing his father, and they’ve been reunited for a matter of minutes. Nakoa holds his gaze and says, “You wanna kill me, go ahead.”

Behind him, he hears Rem make a small, distressed noise. “Nakoa—”

But Nakoa’s tired of living in this hole, in his father’s shadow, too afraid to move beyond Michael and his wants. Too afraid Michael might follow through on his threats.

“Just come. We’ll discuss what I plan to do with you at dinner.” Michael sighs, rubbing his forehead. “I keep forgetting about the carry on.” Nakoa catches his attention shifting to Rem, wishes it wouldn’t. “Hm. Looks like he’s the reason they’re free. Someone remind me we need handcuffs.”

When Nakoa doesn’t go forward, Michael sighs, says, “Someone grab him, please. Leave the other.” He sighs. “And tie him up this time?”

One of the men hauls Nakoa from the truck, by the hair, the shoulder. Nakoa swears, grips at the guy’s wrist and tries to walk with him, can’t. Holds tight and tries to lessen the pressure on his hair, anyway.

He watches as Rem crawls from the truck, eyes wide with fear, brandishing his knife. In comparison to giant men with handguns, he looks like a small, terrified child. Nakoa knows better than to call out his name, so he doesn’t.

His chest aches, and a half-strangled, “Rem—” escapes from his throat, just as the man dragging him pulls him into a building. Before the door shuts, Nakoa catches sight of Rem lashing out, the sound of a gunshot, then… Nothing.

Nakoa finds himself dropped at Michael’s feet, scalp burning, Michael staring down at him with something akin to disinterest. “I wish things could have gone differently for you, Nakoa.”

This is nothing like the Michael Nakoa remembers. This man is… different. Distressingly calm, quiet.

Nakoa prefers him screaming. Calm breeds terror in Nakoa’s chest, and he doesn’t care for the way it burrows in and refuses to leave.

“Up.” It’s not a request. “Dinner.”

Tossing a scowl back at the man who’d dragged him, Nakoa rubs his wrists, follows Michael through the warehouse.. He needs to stay around until he can get back to Rem, anyway. After that… who cares? Michael can do whatever he wants with Nakoa, as long as Rem gets out of this safely.

Michael leads him into another room to a table sitting alone, like one in the movies, covered with a tablecloth, a single lightbulb illuminating the table and nothing more.

With a swallow, Nakoa takes his seat, still rubbing his wrists. Michael sits in the other chair, and, neat as can fucking be, he undoes his napkin and lays it across his lap.

“Nakoa,” Michael says, and now he sounds more like himself, like the Michael Nakoa remembers. “You are a pain in my ass, you know that?”

“So the pleasant, calm druglord, that’s just for your employees. But your son, all bets are off.”

Michael’s gaze is sharp, piercing, and Nakoa wishes he’d kept his mouth shut. “Ungrateful. You know,” he says, already lifting the lid from his dinner, “you really don’t understand the sacrifices I’ve made for you. The resources I’ve wasted finding you.”

As if Nakoa asked for it. As if he gives a shit about whether Michael goes broke. As if he cares, for half a second, what Michael loses. He sits back, crosses his arms. Waits.

“I can see you’re going to be difficult, so let me lay this out for you.” He pops a bite of dinner—steak, because of course it is—into his mouth, and chews. Slow. Nakoa knows the tactic well, terrify them with their own imagination. “You’ll come home with me.”

“Over my—”

“—and we can leave your friend here to fend for himself.”

“Next.”

Eyebrow raised, Michael cuts back into his steak. “I could just as easily kill your friend, you know. He hardly seems like a man someone will miss.” At Nakoa’s expression, Michael laughs. “Don’t tell me you think—” He shakes his head. “You’re a fool, Nakoa.”

Better a fool than a prick, Nakoa thinks, but he doesn’t say so. Michael married a gentle woman, one he can scare into submission, and he thinks Nakoa’s life choices are worth judging. “Next option,” he says, through gritted teeth, staring hard at the table, at the knife marks in the wood. Imagines what it might be like to see those on his skin, instead. If he’d even life through it.

“I could kill the both of you. You’ve already been missing for how long? None of the authorities would think twice about a couple of stupid, runaway queer boys ending up dead. Two of them…” He clicks his tongue. “Well. Is that even a tragedy worth the news cycle?”

And Michael wonders why he ran away. Nakoa lifts his gaze, reluctant, up towards Michael’s face, hates the giddy expression on his father’s face. He’s a bastard, and Nakoa knows he’s always enjoyed his work a little too much, but he’d hoped maybe, underneath it all, there was something that made him human. Now he’s not so sure.

“Easiest way to tie up loose ends, don’t you agree?”

Nakoa wants to tell him to fuck off, but Michael won't hesitate to cut him with the knife on his plate. Never has before. Never hesitates, once he makes his mind up. “Why the holdup?” Nakoa asks, but his voice shakes. “Sounds like you got it all figured out. Why not just kill me now?”

He’s losing his patience, Michael. The joy drains from his expression and he returns to his dinner, almost bored. “Unfortunately, I still think there might be some use in you. I could use you to make an example. I think using you as a living example carries more weight, don’t you?”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

Pointing a fork to Nakoa’s plate, Michael says, “Eat. It’s the last time you’ll get the opportunity in a while.”

“What about Rem?” Nakoa does his best to hold his voice steady, to keep Michael from making any more shitty comments, but it still comes out wrong.

“I think I’ll be doing the world a favor, taking him out.” He reaches for his drink, then sighs. “Nakoa, please. If you don’t eat, I’ll be forced to take other measures.” Like what, Nakoa wonders, but doesn’t ask. Sighing, Michael sets his fork down and says, “Nakoa. It’s in your best interest to work with me.”

“Too fucking bad.”

“I can make your life a living hell, you know.”

“You already did. What can you do to make it worse?”

Michael raises an eyebrow, says, “You think you’re in love with the man outside. Not sure where you got that, but fine, I’ll play along. You’re right in considering yourself worthless, so I understand I can’t use you against yourself.” With a cock of his head, Michael leans back in his seat. “I might be able to use him yet. Suppose I better put in the call to keep him in one piece after all.” He pulls a walkie talkie out of his shirt pocket and switches it on. “Hold my previous order,” Michael says, glaring at Michael. “Plans have changed. We’re going to have a little fun.”