#i typed a bit more than i initially thought i would -- but it was fun to think about and how i see Nomin's relationships

[paintedscales]

Who or what could cheer up your OC/WoL after a rough week?

Hi, pinxli! Thank you so much for the ask! I feel like you know one of the obvious answers to this one. Hehe. > w < ♥

WoL Questions

If we started from an earlier point, Nomin's go-tos for someone to help cheer her up, or make her feel better would default to Bayarmaa. Esenaij was usually too busy to actually talk to often (and she actually did start to get frustrated with him, because he never really cracked all that often from his stoic demeanor!). Within the Sagahl tribe, she has Jajiradai and Odchigen at first, but then there's also Chotan -- just as peers who were / are closer around her age.

Within the Jhungid, Turakina became Nomin's overall stand-in for Bayarmaa. Someone who offered a gentle touch, kind words, and the support she needed in order to press on as well as slow down and plan more efficiently her method of revolt against their captors. Alongside Turakina, the others that Nomin had were Chotan and Checheyigen as fellow Jhungid peers that were her age that allowed her to have friends in a shitty situation.

When it comes to items, Nomin just likes having a good handful of hours in a nice scenic place with a canvas and some paints -- usually oil-based. She'll lose herself in the tranquillity and beauty of being able to commit something to canvas, capturing it for an eternity. Painting is such a soothing release for her that she savors any and all times she can sit down and indulge.

Some expansion specifics below the cut, though! :D

ARR, Nomin actually liked talking to Minfilia. She liked knowing she wasn't alone with this Echo business, and getting to spend time with someone who surely had more of an understanding of it. Likewise, she also really liked spending time with Tataru, as she was really upbeat and fun to talk to. A good bit of fun before going out to take care of whatever it was Minfilia wanted her to lend a hand with.

HW, it was really only Tataru that allowed her to cheer up and have a moment to reassess the situation she and everyone else were in. Alphinaud as well, but Nomin felt more like a shoulder for him rather than vice versa. Tataru seemed to have her wits more about her whenever they spoke, and the hope she had was infectious.

StB... Hm. You know. Nomin turned to even less people because she felt she had a lot to think about going back to the Far East. Especially returning to the Azim Steppe, feeling uncertain about her presence there. She was reunited with many of her Xaela friends and family there. Getting to celebrate with them before the Naadam was good for her. Cathartic even. She likes that she has reconnected with Bayarmaa and her newly formed family (she's an aunt!? That was surprising!).

ShB Nomin actually found some solace in being able to speak with Ardbert more amicably. Maybe not about some of the things that were plaguing her mind (she felt those emotions were irrelevant and thus kept them to herself). But yeah, her time at the Pendants, getting to rest and have a breather from how insane some things just get was always appreciated.

EW Nomin had way too much going on to really pay too much attention to the things that brought her joy. Though...a good cup of chai, moments to breathe and see everyone around her -- all the people who support her because she supported them... It's overwhelming in a good way. And then...there's the bedroom scene, and she finally voices her feelings, and Estinien becomes her more firm go-to in order to feel love, solace, comfort, and warmth.

[vamph00n]

Facial ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹

ᡣ𐭩 mdni! femreaderxroomatehee

ᡣ𐭩 wc: 3k

ᡣ𐭩 synopsis: heeseung as a roomate? he’s fine, as a friend? better. it’s just heeseung, just the dude who happens to watch you fold and put away your underwear, and happens to watch you change when the bathroom door is slightly cracked open. he’s just your roomate. so what if he plays would you rather with explicit options occasionally?

ᡣ𐭩 smut tags under the cut.

ᡣ𐭩 consume what you can handle

smut tags: heeseung is a creep, reader is clueless, throat fucking, bj’s, facial duh, dubcon?, mentions of panty stealing and masturbation, mentions of bodily fluids, cum, cum eating, nasty make out, uses of the word angel,

lmk if i missed anything 🫶

enjoy!!

“no, not in a million years.” is what you said in response to a slightly unconventional question. but then again there’s no such thing between the two of you.

his arms rose in mock surrender, tilting his head at the validity of your reaction. “guess that type of thing isn’t for everyone.”

and it's not , he had just hoped that maybe you’d say something different. something to get his little computer fried brain working, running off of more than just the thought of an iniquitous act but an actual idea that was based in reality. that thing you’d hypothetically be doing. it would’ve fulfilled his nightly one handed habit better than using his left one to scroll through porn. knowing you’d do it? or have done it? that’s all he needs.

although met with disappointment, in that moment as you put away your neatly folded garments, heeseung captures a look of distaste and curiosity on your face. one that reads a lack of experience, not a lack of will. your nose scrunched at the idea, but the subtle way your lips pressed in a straight line told him. ahh it makes sense now. maybe it’s not that you’ve never considered it, but rather you’ve never tried it.

at your inconvenience, he’s still sprawled out on your bed despite demanding him to keep off. at times like this, you wonder, maybe it was a bad idea to find your roommate online, because you grossly underestimated how particular you were when it came to cleanliness. it’s not that germs freak you out, it’s that you’re rooming with a man. a recluse of one at that. yeah, he didn’t go out a lot and it’s not like he was rolling in a pile of shit; but you swore he wore the same sweater for two weeks straight without washing it, and used a three in one body wash. in a small apartment with one bathroom? those exemplar instances only lead up to future disagreements.

with the ability to ignore these minor quirks, you’d say that despite your differences you managed to become quite comfortable with him. so much so, that you seemed to brush off the fact that he was always in your room when you put away your underwear, how it went unnoticed by you when he lingered a little too long in friendly hugs, and smelled your hair a little too strongly when he’d ask what shampoo you used. cause why would you? it’s just heeseung.

maybe one of the biggest things you ignored was his odd game of would you rather. which is how we’re led up to the very question the man himself finds so interesting. initially you weren’t shocked by the ask, as he was just poking fun at how extensive your skincare routine was minutes prior.

“would you rather, not put all that gunk on your face or… let a guy give you a facial?

it’s not as outlandish as some other questions he’s asked, or as scandalous as experiences you’ve told him about. you already figured that he was just socially inept and thought nothing more of it. after all, he was an acquired taste. so of course you replied, and of course you would never because it’s nasty? at least maybe you thought it would be, because you’ve never tried it.

after lingering in your room for a bit longer, still pressing on about the question, it leads into a minor dispute. “seriously? why do you need that much stuff for your skin?” the boy sighs as he stretches out on your bed. you smack his face with a nearby throw pillow, and reiterate the same things you always tell him. maybe stuff like that didn’t matter to him, but to you it does because well, it makes you feel pretty.

whenever you talked like this, he couldn’t help but let his mind drift. if he could, and it didn’t mess up the established bond between you two; he would’ve totally told you how beautiful were.

but the idea of being “just heeseung”, a friend and a roomate; it was like a free pass to act perversely.

leaving him to his own devices, you wash up ignoring that the door was slightly cracked open. yet another thing you overlook, heeseung is a man. you knew that from the way he kept himself groomed, but otherwise? not so much. he knows how to get what he wants by being sneaky, and knows when not to be. although he’s starting to doubt that it’s just his scheming nature that’s aiding his desires, it’s the fact that you overlook everything he does.

his room, located at the nice spot in front of the bathroom, let his imagination run wild. the small gap in the door you left was occasionally big enough that he’d get a glance of your boobs in the reflection of the foggy mirror. those were nice times, and when you asked him to get you a towel because you forgot? even better. he watched intently and waited as you got out and dressed yourself in those pretty lace panties he held himself back from stealing.

pushing open the door as you lathered different serums onto your face, he couldn’t help but notice a certain resemblance of your white night cream. only making him wonder what else looked pretty spewed on your features. were you absolutely just in a shirt and underwear? yes but then again, it’s just heeseung. in the midst of your therapeutic regime, he starts fiddling with a bottle, confused with its contents.

“is this like water? what is it?” he says while sloshing the liquid around.

you snatch it from his grasp and say “it’s a toner.”

he nods placing it back where it was, and you take note of his hand placement. his arms snaked behind your back onto the counter locking you between his form. it’s nothing that you're entirely fazed by, it’s the intent stare he’s giving you through the reflection of the mirror as you look at the glowyness of your face that makes your heart jump.

heeseungs eyes darken, and he leans close to your ear still staring at your reflection.

“you said all this makes you look pretty, but I know a couple of other things that’ll look much better…”

you feel your heart stutter at the wispyness of his melodic voice saying suggestive things into your ear. in that moment he draws back his hand, and laces it through your hair grabbing it into a ponytail. you try to look over at his gaze from the side, but he grabs your jaw, forcing you to look at your reflection.

“look at yourself angel, maybe it’s the face that counts, not what you put on it.”

as you watch through the glass, his lips tug at the corners, the sight of your hair fisted into a ball in his grasp not ever being something you thought you’d let anyone do. let alone have heeseung do it. his free hand grips your hip, and now is when you start to notice how underdressed you were before him. his hand travels down your lower half, groping your ass, then he plays with the band of your undergarment. he feels the slight raise in your skin, and a look of anticipation on your face tells him all.

he released your hair, and pressed his hips against your backside, trapping you in place. he smells your shampoo, and feels the softness of your skin. momentarily, you don’t know what to feel, the only thing you know is that the man before you has rendered you compliant.

you feel his hands grip your hips, as his roll into you. hard, and restrained, you feel his length through the thin material of your panties. taking your shaky hand, and feeling it, oh man. it’s hot, and heavy. heeseungs chest rises and his body flinches, he hisses at the feeling. grabbing you in a stern manner, he spins you to face him.

the way you comply, the way you just sit before him in fear and possibly regret, he takes his hand to caress your face. maybe he feels bad because tears are welling in your eyes waiting to fall, or because he hasn’t even touched you yet, your body is tense in his grasp, scared at the mercy of him. it’s something he doesn’t want to admit turns him on. not yet at least.

for a second you find yourself staring into his eyes, a weird feeling of fear and arousal course through you. heeseung, just heeseung. he weighs his hangs on your shoulders, pushing you to the floor in which you land on your knees. he backs up, locking the door behind him.

“hey what the fu-“

then, when you tried to rise to your feet, his hands hold you down at the top of your head as you wince. without much thought, he drops his pants.

maybe you’re the creep, but you’ve seen his cock once. passing by his room late at night to get water, he had it out as he stroked it with one hand. you’ve stored that memory in the back of your mind, thinking that you were the one being perverse. or maybe he wanted you to see that, maybe he saw as you watched and let you, hoping you’d come in to help him.

with that memory playing back, it’s much bigger than you remember. looking at his glistening tip, and veiny shaft, you just admired it. the hazy feeling this situation had you thinking “no way this is real.” wondering what’ll happen when you wake up from this wet dream. for a little longer you ponder whether you’ve ever actually thought of heeseung in any way like this. no, you haven’t, but will you pass on the opportunity?

his figure casts a shadow over you, he looks down at his dick, and back at you.

“are you going to do something about it?”

this isn’t a dream.

you inch closer to his hips, and take your shakey hands to hold his member. a little shudder down his spine and an encouraging nod paired with a low moan, you wrap your lips around the head of him. tasting the large amount of dripping precum as you swirl your tongue, he throws his head back, the sensitivity not only shocking you but himself as well.

so no, you won’t pass on the opportunity.

the sounds he elicits as you work your mouth on merely the very tip of his girth, it makes you think less of how you got here; but rather how you want to draw this experience out longer. your delicate fingers caress the remaining that hang out of your mouth, feeling the grooves and patterns.

it’s tantalizing the way you tease at his vulnerable state, him becoming a mess under your control. only, you can’t tell he is, you just keep going. the vicious mix of your saliva and the filth seeping from his cock were a display that he wanted to burn into his retinas. at this point, if you kept going he might—

then, in a second a small wave of delirious ecstasy wash over him as you take hold of his neglected balls, feeling them up as you lick the little slit on his tip.

knowing, and feeling a bit ashamed he wouldn’t last long if you kept going, he pulls away. leveling with you on your slightly reddened knees, the sappy liquid seeps from the corners of your mouth, and he pulls you in for a kiss.

all you can think is how crazy this is, how crazy you are for just… enjoying it more than you thought you would. him looking that attractive, moaning out little slews, and jumbled bits of your name while doing barely anything? oh yeah, you’re right to be on your knees. it had your panties clinging to the sticky uncared for mess brewing within you, that all you could do was hope he didn’t notice you grinding back on your heel. a kiss, a nasty one at that, tied with the mix of his secretions and yours as his tongue explored your mouth; it was like a porn like.

as he draws back, you see the little glistening string of spit, and he wipes away the residue forming on the corners of his mouth. as you tilt your head, like you didn’t almost rock his world; he fucking knows your enjoying this, and wants to shut you up before you start to get too cocky.

still hard and erect, he stood and you look up. the corner of your lips pull, and god heeseung knows he’s gonna have fun with you. he gives his length one small stroke before peering at your glassy eyes stare.

“think you can take this all of this in there?” he ask rasplily, as he brushing your lip with his thumb parting them.

with your mouth wide open, insistent you can; do you ever recall being so nasty? maybe there was a time, but really, did you ever think it would be with just heeseung? no.

a more than satisfied look casts on his face, as he lets the tip of his dick rest on your togue. the way you salvate in anticipation, and him enjoying it makes your cunt wetter, and throb more than any foreplay you’ve had.

it only makes you hope this isn’t all he’ll be doing.

sliding his member slowly into your mouth inch by inch, you wonder when it’ll stop. it’s to much, in girth and length. he’s maybe half way in when you feel the salty tears form in your eyes as his tip hits your throat. the garbled gag provoked by him, makes heeseungs jaw go slack in awe.

once you’ve adjusted to the monster, that is his manhood, you find it difficult to suck. with so much he had going on, you didn’t know what to do with all of it. yet with how slow each movement is, he seems to bask in it. the feeling of your mouth being stretched, and the feeling of your teeth grazing his shaft, all of it you enjoyed. letting out small hums as you lick, and suck.

“mm, so good at sucking cock,” he moans.

his hips press forward, shocking you a bit, causing tears to roll down your face.

“shh, shh. let me” he says before your life practically flashes before your eyes.

he starts to thrust into your mouth. it being obvious you can’t handle someone of his size, he takes the lead. you sit there, looking absolutely fucked as he ruts into you, you look up at his form.

it makes you so wet, you wonder how long he’s wanted to do this. how long it would’ve been till you thought about him like this. panted breaths draw from him, as he fucks your throat. all he could think as he moved is how pretty you were, how perfect you were.

thinking about how wet you are just watching him, knowing you have to be because he saw the discomfort in your panties. just that made him write. all these months he’s wondered why hasn’t he done this sooner, and wondering if your going to let him fuck you ever after this. he doesn’t know if that’ll happen, so he treats this like the last, even though it won’t be.

his thrusts become quicker, and your throat starts to hurt. his knees feeling like they’re going to buckle, he bites back a loud moan and you bask in his weakness. hoping he’ll be this way buried in your cunt, wanting to watch him as he falls apart trying to keep his composure.

heeseung feels the rise, and force course in his dick, aching for release. pulling it out of your mouth, and stoking it aggressively above your face he asks:

“youll let me cum all over your face right? just me?”

you nod, opening your mouth and closing you eyes wating for it.

he grunts, and strokes faster, the mix of saliva and precum keeping it lubricated. breathy pants are elicited from his dry throat, and his tip rages with a blushed red color.

“shit—“

he cums all over your face, it’s hot, and all that lands in your mouth gets swallowed. his chest rises and falls, and he looks like he’s just about done, but not before he fists your hair pulling you up from your weak knees.

he faces you towards the mirror, making sure you see yourself. your face painted white, all sticky with his semen, it arouses you, it's unexpected. it hurts how much this turns you on.

heeseung grabs your chin and playfully shakes your head.

“see, look how pretty” he smirks.

you want to roll your eyes and protest but you can’t. the brain fog you have because of how much your sopping cunt hurts has hindered you.

he continues to tease “hm, so not in a million years huh?”

you can’t think of anything else, and at this point your dignity is gone, but the need you have for him is carnal.

you pull him in close, and press his chest against yours. “i need you”

and just like that, heeseung knows this won’t be the last time this will be happening.

a/n: make sure to stream XO!! 😘

[bellestarot]

Pick a Pile

What's Next In Your Love Life? 🩷

♡ Take your time to choose

︵‿︵‿︵ʚĭɞ‿︵‿︵‿

Pile I

This is a journey where you'll become more emotionally independent. It's about loving yourself first and getting to know who you are before being with someone else.

You're a very empathetic person, extremely kind to others, and I can see that your circle of friends is always there for you in both good and bad times. These people will have an even stronger presence in your life during the next chapters of your romantic journey as well.

You might meet someone who initially seems like the right match for you because they understand you and connect with you emotionally. Another person might appear too, someone younger and grounded, but still building their life and figuring out what they truly want. I see that both of these people will be interested in you and will try to reach out. However, I honestly see you thinking that you can find someone you truly connect with, as most of the people who approach you don’t really capture your interest. It’s easier for you to treat them as friends rather than romantic interests.

I see you becoming more financially independent, advancing academically, and taking better care of yourself—not just emotionally, but also focusing on your physical health. You’ll be buying clothes, treating yourself well, and caring for yourself in the way you want to be treated.

This is about how strong you are. I believe you’ll face some obstacles, situations where you’ll feel deep pain that seems impossible to resolve. But the universe is speaking to you, showing you signs and guiding you on the path you should take. Some challenges make us stronger and wiser, and I see great potential in you to become stronger and wiser amidst difficulties and the unknown. You will be led into unfamiliar territory on a new journey, a chapter of your life that you don’t yet know how it will unfold.

This is a reading about self-love, not love with others, because you can only love someone else when you truly love yourself.

Pile II

You're definitely going to be getting out of the house more, going places, meeting new people, and opening your heart to them. You'll discover what happens when you truly embrace who you are, when you're in your essence. Are you allowing yourself to be happy in the moment and enjoying what you're experiencing? Because in the past, some of you were hurt by someone who came into your life.

Maybe it was someone you thought was your ideal type—physically attractive, someone you really believed would be the love of your life, your soulmate, or something like that. But in the end, this person betrayed you, lied to you, said hurtful things. Perhaps this was someone who was closed off from the beginning, and you thought you could win their heart. But in the end, you discovered they were exactly who they seemed to be all along. This experience might have left you nearly depressed, unable to see your own worth, and lacking the motivation to go out and meet other people.

And yes, you might have had help from a friend, a relative, or a female figure who came to you and told you that you are worth it, that you have all the potential and capacity to find someone who will recognize you and not deceive you in the end.

What you heard from these people might have been hard to accept at first, but it’s true. You have the capacity. I see you meeting someone new, perhaps around your age, someone very intelligent and creative. This person will be interested in you, but I see you being a bit tough with them because of what happened to you.

I see you taking your time to reply to their messages when they invite you out, playing a bit hard to get. But every time you meet with this person, it's positive; it’s an important moment.

It's fun!

You’ll find yourself in a stable relationship with this person. I see you two becoming best friends first, and then evolving into something more, into love.

This person will show you a very romantic side, perhaps a part of them that you didn’t expect. At first, they might have presented themselves in a certain way, but as your relationship deepens, things will evolve and become more natural. That’s what you’ll need to pay attention to. You need to let things flow naturally, stop trying to control or idealize too many people, too many conversations, behaviors—just let things happen as they will.

And while this person from your past may still be on your mind, still in your thoughts, the universe wants you to let that go. Move on—it's in the past. You deserve to be with someone who is good for you, not someone who hurt you and crushed your self-esteem.

Pile III

Well, I'm not sure if you're aware, but right now, you’re manifesting a very important soul connection, the kind where you might feel what the other person is feeling, have strange experiences like shared dreams, and connect with this person on incredibly deep levels without knowing why.

I believe you’re a very spiritual person, someone who knows their worth. You seem to be more introverted, perhaps spending a lot of time at home, but recently, you might have considered going out more.

You might meet this person when you’re out, perhaps in a place you don’t usually go to, with people you aren’t particularly close with. You’ll meet this person unexpectedly, and it will feel like a clash of souls between you two.

You’re trying to leave behind what has hurt or bothered you, trying to move forward every day, but you’re also quick to judge the people who come into your life. Sometimes, even if someone just says hi, you might immediately think they’re not your type or that you have nothing in common, not giving them a chance to get to know you.

You could meet this person while traveling, perhaps to a place you’ve always wanted to visit. Suddenly, you meet them, and it takes you by surprise.

I see you feeling unsure whether this person is truly attracted to you, whether they feel the same connection you do. You might have a lot of doubts about this.

It’s possible that you two will be in a long-distance situation, even if you’re in the same city. Maybe you didn’t exchange numbers; you saw each other a few times in different places and then went your separate ways. I see you seeking answers through the Divine or through things that are beyond what we can see, because you’ll sense that this connection is something different.

You and this person are very different—not just physically, but in personality and maturity. You are more mature than they are. This person still feels like a teenager in some ways, even though they’re an adult. Their actions and behaviors are still very youthful, and not in a positive sense. However, I don’t see this as an obstacle to you being together.

This person will miss you a lot, and you’ll miss them too, especially due to the distance between you. You won’t quite understand why you’re apart, but it will feel like there’s something bigger at play.

This person still has a lot of growing up to do, which might be why you’re not together yet—they need to go through certain experiences to mature because the universe is taking care of this connection. Whatever it is, the universe will do everything possible to bring you and this person together.

Besides this person, you might also receive romantic interest from others, such as someone in your workplace who finds you charming. They may try to win you over with gifts, attempting to capture your heart in various ways.

[sunflower-lilac42]

𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁 ; 𝘫𝘩86 ୨୧

➪ summary: after jack misses their nightly facetime call, y/n is worried that something happened. that's when she goes on twitter and sees a bunch of people tweeting about jack and some girl at the bar together.

➪ warnings: assumed cheating, long distance, fighting

➪ word count: 3.0k

➪ file type: new fic

➪ sunny's notes: this fic is brought to you by my sweet teddy bear anon. i love her so much and i am so grateful every time she sends me one of her ideas because i love all of them so so much. i hope you guys enjoy this fic, i honestly love it so much more than i thought i would

© sunflower-lilac42 ; do not copy, repost, or translate my work and designs on any other website or here

jh86 masterlist || nhl masterlist || new taglist || navigation

Y/n wasn’t oblivious to the fact that her boyfriend was hot, that he had hundreds of girls who wanted him. But she also wasn’t oblivious that her boyfriend loved her and would do anything to make her happy. Most of the time, her insecurities would pick her apart bit by bit but they would always go away as soon as she saw Jack or he made a comment that left her with the feeling of butterflies in her stomach. 

With the two of them doing long distance as she finished up her last semester of college, she was always nervous that Jack was having more fun without her. It wasn’t a constant thought, just on the days when she had nothing to do but overthink everything. Yet, Jack always helped ease those worries with his daily phone calls before practice and/or after a game. 

Every night since they started dating, a little over a year ago, Jack would make it his job to call her either before he left for practice or after he finished playing a game. Most of the time she was too tired to talk, so Jack would talk her ear off as she fell asleep wearing one of his hoodies and he watched with a huge grin plastered on his face. 

However, after shutting the game off and making a late-night snack, she was worried when her phone never rang or lit up. She initially shrugged it off and thought that media had just run a little longer than normal or he got caught up in traffic or he was talking to someone. Yet, the time from when the game ended and the present got increasingly longer, thirty minutes turned into an hour, and an hour turned into two. 

Normally, she wouldn’t try and overthink things like this, she knew Jack was busy and she didn’t want to be unreasonable and clingy. But for some reason, something just seemed off. Like she knew something was about to happen. Despite her gut feeling, she settled onto her bed in her apartment and ate her popcorn as her favorite movie played on her TV. 

It wasn’t until she was about to fall asleep that she looked at her phone again and saw an insane amount of notifications and none of them had been from Jack. So, hesitantly, she opened Twitter to see why she was being tagged in a lot of posts. She swore she could physically feel her heart split in two when she saw it. Jack was out at a bar talking to one of his teammates, she wasn’t sure who and she didn’t care to figure out who it was.

However, that wasn’t what made her feel like her whole world was crashing down, she could handle that Jack went out to a bar and didn’t tell her, went out to celebrate a win that he contributed to. It was the fact that there was a girl next to him, an arm wrapped around his torso and her head on his shoulder. She was too focused on her being on him that she didn’t register the look of disgust on Jack’s face, the subtle body language that screamed he wanted to be anywhere but there. 

She placed her phone down, screen flush with her sheets, as she let tears form in her eyes. She had trusted him, she had trusted him after multiple of her friends warned her about his reputation, she had trusted him after her mom warned her about him, she had trusted him despite what everyone said. And she fell for it, she fell for him and his tricks. 

Letting her curiosity get the best of her, she picked her phone back up and scrolled through the replies to multiple tweets that contained the same picture. One after another they all said how they wished the two of them would get back together, how they wished Jack would finally dump her and realize his ex was better for him, how they thought that she was just some rebound to help Jack get over her. And that was her final straw, maybe Jack really was just using her. 

As she continued her rabbit hole of comments, her phone suddenly rang and Jack’s contact showed up. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to cry harder, scream, bury her head into her pillow, or throw her phone across the room as she stared at the picture. It was a picture from winter break, she had flown out to Jersey to see him. The two of them were skating in Rockefeller Center in front of the tree, she was bundled up in her winter coat, a beanie, and a scarf around her neck. Jack had his hands on her hips as their foreheads leaned against one another, bright smiles on their faces as the snow fell around them. She had been laughing at something that he said when whoever snapped the picture. It was one of her favorite memories and now it was just something that reminded her of what she fell for. 

Before the call had ended she clicked the answer button and held it up to her ear, trying to keep in her emotions as best as she could. It didn’t last long though. Jack’s voice reached her ears and his all too familiar giddy and happy tone was present, “Hi baby!”

She took a deep breath, “Do not, ‘Hi baby’ me, Jack.”

On the other side, where Jack sat in his car, his grin fell into a frown and he furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you mean, don’t ‘Hi baby’ you? What’s wrong?”

“We’re done, Jack.”

Now it was Jack’s turn to feel his heart physically break, he couldn’t believe what she was saying. There was no way that they were over, not after he fought to do long distance with her, not after he sat through nights wishing that she was with him, not after he cried when he got hurt because she wasn’t by his side, not after the fights that left them both in tears. It couldn’t be the end, could it?

“Wait wait wait, no we can’t be done, sweetheart. Just talk to me, let me fix whatever is going on.”

“You can’t fix this, Jack. You broke my heart, that isn’t just something you can fix.”

“I what? How-”

“I waited all night for you to call and I was ready to brush it off as just a long night and then I go on Twitter to see your ex all cozied up to you like nothing had happened? Like we never happened?”

Jack couldn’t tell if he was more upset at the obvious tears that laced her voice or if he was more upset that she had seen those photos. In all honesty, he didn’t know anyone was taking a picture, though being a famous athlete he should’ve known. It was nothing, he had been talking to Jesper and Nico about something completely random, he couldn’t remember at this point. 

That was when she came up to him, batting her eyelashes and using that familiar innocent tone that used to have Jack caving at the mere sound of it. He glanced over at her and muttered a quick ‘hey’ before turning back to his teammates and continuing their conversation. However, it was clear that she was not going to back down so easily. She tried to talk to him, saying how much she missed him and that she hoped they could talk out their problems, but Jack just ignored her. He was happy with y/n, more happy than he had ever been in his life.

That was when he felt her arm around his waist and her head on his shoulder. He tensed up immediately, his annoyed face morphing into one of disgust and discomfort. He pushed her away as best as he could but her grip was tight. Nico had finally had enough and walked over to the girl, pulling her off of his teammate and waving her away. 

“Babe, it wasn’t like that, I swear. I was trying to get her away, I was ignoring her, ask Nico or Jesper-”

“Don’t get your teammates to lie for you, Jack. I don’t want to hear it. You broke my heart, I thought you loved me. I thought that we would’ve been different, I thought I was different. I thought you were different.”

“Y/n you have to listen to me, I didn’t want her there. I was doing everything I could to get her away from me.” The way his voice cracked made her pause, was he crying? “Baby, you have to believe me.”

“You ignored me all night long, she was hanging off of you, what am I supposed to think?”

“We both know that’s not fair, I would never cheat on you, you know that, y/n/n.”

“I can’t Jack, I’m sorry.” She hung up the phone, leaving both of them in a mess of tears. 

She sat back up on her bed, pushing herself against the headboard. She brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and resting her head there. She cried until she heard a knock on the door and she looked up to see one of her roommates standing there, “Y/n?”

“He cheated on me.” She choked out, not even believing her own words.

“Oh, honey.” Her friend was quick to wrap her in a hug letting her cry until she fell asleep in her arms.

Meanwhile, Jack sat in his car, his head against the headrest. He couldn’t cry, not now. He had to drive home, he had to shower, he had to make dinner for Luke. He drove home in silence, not even having the energy to turn the radio on. His eyes were glassy the whole way there, only blinking when he wasn’t sure if there was a car in front of him or not. 

When he arrived home, he lugged himself up the steps to his and Luke’s apartment, stopping a few times and thinking back to what happened. He placed his key into the door and turned it, opening it so he could walk in. He threw his hat on the counter and closed the door with his foot. He held his keys in his right hand and placed it on the counter, squeezing so hard that his keys dug into the skin of his hand.

“Jack?”

He looked up at his brother with tear-covered eyes, “Hey.”

“I thought you were home already- What’s wrong?”

Jack blinked at him before responding, “She broke up with me.”

“Y/n?” He only nodded as tears started to stream down his cheeks. 

Luke stepped closer and went to ask what happened but was stopped when Jack’s head hit his chest and felt his arms wrap around him. He wrapped his arms around his older brother, allowing Jack to pull him to the ground as he let out heart wrenching sobs into his chest. Luke rested his back against the wall and just held Jack until, as y/n had earlier, fell asleep in his arms.

ﾟ+*:୨୧:*﹤

It was a few days later that she had finally opened up her phone for the first time since that night. She had seen multiple texts and social media notifications from her friends, her family, Luke, Quinn, and Jack. None of them had caught her attention, the one that did was a Twitter notification, one from the Devils and one from Amanda, both of them explaining that Jack was taking a personal leave from the team, his return unknown. 

It took everything in her not to reach out to him, not to send him a text, not to call him. It wasn’t her right anymore, she broke up with him. After seeing that, she didn’t have any energy to continue looking through her notifications, scared and embarrassed about what they might say. So she just stared at her ceiling, pulling the sleeves of her hoodie over her hands and toying with one of the loose threads. That was when she realized it wasn’t her hoodie, it was Jack’s. 

She cursed to herself and immediately took it off. She needed to get rid of him, she couldn’t stand the thought of having anything of the man who cheated on her in her room. For the next ten minutes, she dug through her closet, looked under her bed, and through her nightstand for anything that screamed Jack. His hoodies she had stolen, some shirts that he had given to her or left there, a bracelet and necklace that he had gotten her for their sixth month and one-year anniversary. Everything that had even the closest tie or relation to him went in the box.

And then she laid in her bed again, staring at the ceiling with an empty mind. She heard the door open, the one to her and her roommates' apartment. She thought nothing of it, it was probably around time for one of them to be coming back from one of their classes. But then she heard a knock on her door and turned to see the doorknob turn. 

Black jeans and white Air Force Ones were all she saw before she knew who it was. She sat up and made her eyes stare directly at him, “Jack.”

“Ba- y/n.” Jack cleared his throat at the slip-up.

She leaned down to grab the box that she had just made and handed it to him, “I put everything in a box for you.”

It was hard to miss the hurt that flashed across his face, one she hated seeing. It made her sad seeing it but at the same time, she wasn’t so sure she was allowed to be upset about it. Jack gave her pleading eyes, “Please, please don’t do this.”

Y/n only shook her head, “Keep them. The hoodies, the shirts, everything.”

She shook her head again, biting her lip to keep her sob in, “I can’t Jack, it’ll hurt too much.”

Jack placed the box on the floor and took a step closer to her, placing his hands on her shoulders, “Talk to me.”

She stepped back, shying away from his touch. She knew that she would give in too quickly, she always did. He sighed and looked down, eyes trained on the rug in her room before looking back up, “I’m not leaving.”

“Jack, please.”

“No, I fought for us to do long distance, I fought for us when I was injured, I fought for us when both of us thought we couldn’t do this anymore, and I’m not going to stop fighting for us, y/n. You mean too much to me for me to just give up. I love you with everything in me and I am not going to let you walk away because of a picture that was taken and was meant to be perceived how you perceived it. What you saw-”

She shook her head once more, “Please-”

“Listen to me,” he cupped her cheeks, directing her gaze to meet his, “What you saw was nothing. I was at the bar, celebrating the win and I was talking to Nico and Jesper about cars when she came up. I barely acknowledged her but she kept going, she wrapped her arms around me and-” Y/n teared up as she listened to him explain, and she wasn’t sure if it was because she was having to hear about what happened or if it was because she was being stupid about this whole thing. 

“-I tried to get her to let go of me, I did. I tried to get out of her grasp but she wouldn’t let go. Nico pulled her off of me and that was the end of it. Baby, I promise you, that was all it was. I love you too much to do that to you.”

Both of them now had tears in their eyes, her hands came up and wrapped around his wrists as she looked up at him, “Jack.”

“Please, you have to believe me. I am such a mess without you, I can’t-”

“Jack.”

He stopped rambling and looked at her, “What?”

“I believe you.”

Jack could feel all the tension and worry float away, “You do?”

She nodded, “I do. And I’m sorry I didn’t let you explain earlier, I just- being away from you, not seeing you every day, it was too hard.”

He shook his head, “You have nothing to be sorry for. I should’ve tried harder to get rid of her, and told her to go away.”

She shook her head in return, “You did everything you could, Jacky.”

The nickname immediately made him smile and pull her into a hug. The two both let tears fall from their eyes but both of them didn’t say anything. Being back in his arms felt good, having her back in his arms felt good. 

After a while, he pulled away, resting his forehead on hers, “I love you, so so much. I meant everything I said earlier.”

“I love you too.” He kissed her softly, his hands coming to tangle in her hair.

When he pulled away, he knelt down to the box and took out one of his hoodies, the one that he knew was her favorite. She watched him carefully and let out a small giggle when she felt him pull it over her head. She allowed him to put it on her, a smile on her lips as he did so. He smiled himself once he saw hers, “My pretty girl.”

She blushed and groaned, “Jack.”

“What?”

He then dug through the box to find the bracelet and necklace, placing them on her wrist and around her neck. He smiled at her again and kissed her forehead, “Right where everything belongs. Right where I belong.”

“God, I love you so much.”

“I love you too, baby. More than you could ever know.”

𝗡𝗘𝗪 𝗝𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘𝗬 𝗗𝗘𝗩𝗜𝗟𝗦 𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧 ୨୧

@blakesbearsblog @toasttt11 @chiblackhawks @prettyjoseph @nicole01-23 @auriesphantom @pucks-goals-penalties @dancerbailey3 @quinnylouhughesx43 @petite-potato4 @thehuggybearslover @absolutelyhugh3s @kei943 @dyslecticdutchman

© sunflower-lilac42 ; do not copy, repost, or translate my work and designs on any other website or here

[aethelwyneleigh27]

The Type of BF/GF Cod Characters Would Be (Scenario)

You know, like that one thing circling around TikTok

Characters Included: John Price, Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra, Valeria Garza, Farah Karim, Kate Laswell, Alex Keller, König, Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin, Keegan P. Russ, Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Nikolai Belinski, Philip Graves.

And yes I'm aware that some have repeated characters, some fit more than one

ꕥ HOPE YOU ENJOY! ꕥ

A/n: I'm honestly on a roll and I've had my morning coffee so I'll start cracking, I have been trying to post more recently since it's October and I didn't really partake in the tober fests so I thought posting more might be good. Just me or are biker fucking hot? Yeah it's probs my thing for masked men.

Disclaimers/Warnings: OOC??

Doberman Boyfriend/Girlfriend whose first instinct was to protect you when you officially became theirs, initially they were always protective in subtle ways, subtle ways that also assert dominance over others. Little things like having a hand on your lower back or gently gripping your waist to move you. Their claimed spot is behind you, since they always find it to work when intimidating others and making sure no one even glances at you the wrong way. Might seem like they're intimidating but to you it's a different story, they're sweeter, more docile? Just far more affectionate and you basically have them wrapped around your finger. Switches in the bedroom but dom leaning, can be subs if you want them to be.

Characters: John Price, Simon "Ghost" Riley, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Alejandro Vargas, Valeria Garza, König, Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin, Keegan P. Russ, Philip Graves.

Golden Retriever Boyfriend/Girlfriend who are so loyal to the bone, they're fun and oftentimes a little himbo-ish? Quality is the best spent with you, kind of follows you around all the time. They're very clingy but do respect your personal space if you aren't in the mood, though that's what you love about them isn't it? That's they're insistent and wouldn't give up on you no matter what. Also love doing things for you (acts of service) and lives for it when you praise them. Switches in the bedroom, sub leaning.

Characters: John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra, Alex Keller, Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin, Gary "Roach" Sanderson.

Tabby cat Boyfriend/Girlfriend whose chill around others but absolutely craves your affection behind closed doors. The kind of people sometimes randomly show affection in front of others even if they HATE pda. The kind of people who have been traumatized yet still affectionate as can be, everyone loves them for being down to earth but they do have bit of an odd side that only you see. Is a hardcore switch, no leaning.

Characters: Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra, Farah Karim, Kate Laswell, Nikolai Belinski, Philip Graves.

Black cat Boyfriend/Girlfriend who randomly bring home things that made them think of you, they knew you'd like it but only let out a subtle smirk. Lives for you being their adorable little sunshine, mean and cold towards other but less with you. Tried to give you tough love but eventually gave in because you are you. You know how cats sometimes bring you dead animals as a proof of affection and acceptance, they've done that... only with a human head of course. Providing for you and making sure you're taken care of is their love language, very protective and can really hurt people if they wanted to, someone hurts or upsets you? Their head will be displayed on your front porch. Hardcore doms in the bedroom. (Yandere AU anyone??)

Characters: Simon "Ghost" Riley, Alejandro Vargas, Valeria Garza, König, Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin, Keegan P. Russ, Philip Graves.

[many-shades-of-violence]

getting drunk with them I Corazon, Law, Doflamingo, Smoker, Ace, Sabo

✢ content: fluff, suggestive themes, alcohol consumption

✢ characters: Corazon, Law, Doflamingo, Smoker, Ace, Sabo

Corazon is a light-hearted and affectionate drunk. He becomes even more talkative and open when he's had a few drinks.

He's the type to get lost in nostalgic stories of his marine days, or talk about his dreams and aspirations with you and little Law.

He might start singing or humming, and if you join in, he'd be absolutely delighted.

As a caring drunk, he's prone to giving you lots and lots of compliments, reminding you how much you mean to him. He might pull you into his lap or snuggle up to you, searching for the warmth of your body while he rests his head on your shoulder.

Corazon is also likely to pull you into slow, clumsy dances, and you'd both end up laughing as you navigate his tipsy waltz, being careful, so he doesn't trip over his long legs.

Law's usual stoic demeanor takes a backseat when he's drunk. He becomes surprisingly expressive, much more relaxed, and most surprisingly, a lot more handsy.

He tends to lean into his playful and mischievous side, making witty comments and teasing you in a way that only a drunk Law can. If there's strong booze involved, he might even slip a hand along your thighs, giving them a firm yet loving grip.

Law might get a bit sentimental as well, sharing his deeper thoughts and feelings with you, which is a rare sight.

He'd challenge you to drinking games, displaying his competitive streak while still maintaining his cool facade.

If you get too drunk, Law would take on a protective role, ensuring you're safe, comfortable, and well-hydrated.

Doflamingo's already flamboyant and unpredictable personality becomes even more amplified when he's had a few drinks.

He's likely to be the life of the party, engaging you with his charismatic way of talking and flashy dance moves.

Doflamingo's sense of humor gets a bit eccentric and twisted, often sharing dark jokes or anecdotes with a cheeky grin on his lips.

He enjoys being the center of attention, but he'd also make sure to dote on you and show you off to everyone around.

Doffy's already "horny on main," but a drunk Flamingo might be another challenge. He'd never overstep your boundaries, but you might have to reprimand him more than once when you find slim fingers cupping your ass.

Smoker is a quiet and introspective drunk. He tends to sit back and observe the surroundings, lost in thought.

He becomes a bit more sentimental when you're around, often expressing his genuine affection for you and how much he appreciates you in his life.

Smoker might share stories from his past that he normally keeps to himself, allowing you a glimpse into his life before the Marines.

He's not one for grand gestures, but he'll subtly make sure you're comfortable and have everything you need for the night-out.

Smoker's tough exterior softens a bit when he's had a few drinks, and he might even crack a small, rare smile from time to time, especially when you're also a bit tipsy, inviting you to stay over at his place to know you're safe.

Ace is a fun-loving and energetic drunk. He's constantly moving and looking for the next adventure.

He'd likely challenge you to various games or dares, trying to see who can handle their liquor better.

Ace's laugh becomes even more contagious, and he'll find just about anything hilarious, ensuring a good time for the two of you.

He might get a bit touchy-feely, always looking for excuses to wrap his arm around you or hold your hand.

When the night winds down, Ace would be the type to suggest stargazing or a late-night walk, wanting to make the most of your time together.

Sabo is a sweet and affectionate drunk. He becomes incredibly attentive to you, making sure you're comfortable and enjoying yourself.

He's likely to initiate deep conversations, discussing everything from dreams and ambitions to the meaning of life.

Sabo's protective nature might become more pronounced, and he'd keep a watchful eye on you when you've had one glass too many.

He's a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, so he might get tipsy quickly, leading to a lot of adorable behavior.

[brabblesblog]

Sounds like a plan.

Drabble set right after act II’s confession scene. What if Tav didn’t feel quite alright with Astarion’s manipulation, and tried to just go along with it for his sake?

Angst with a happy ending. Also a tiny bit of Gale. Enjoy!

Read on AO3.

Masterlist.

He starts to notice when you stop smiling at him.

Oh, you'd smirk and laugh when talking to him, but that wasn't it - you just didn't smile.

That one he'd craved so much to see, the one that made your eyes crinkle and your nose flare a little. That smile. He hadn't seen it since the night he confessed his feelings to you.

He’d worry about it more, if you two didn’t spend every waking moment together. If you didn’t move into his tent. Didn’t cuddle with him every night, and woke up tangled in his arms every dawn.

So he put it aside for now. Your relationship was a new and fragile thing, and he dared not risk it.

That is, until he noticed you smiling like that with Gale. Astarion had just been walking back to camp from a hunt, when he had heard your voice and Gale’s and had inadvertently began to eavesdrop.

You had been sitting by the campfire with the wizard, reading one of those raunchy romance novels Shadowheart had given you. The two of you were huddled close together, knees touching, chortling and snorting as you read the passages aloud.

“I don’t think elves have… appendages of that size,” Gale remarks after a particularly salacious line. “Would they?” He shoots you a particularly nasty smirk.

You laugh, all pretense thrown aside. “I haven’t seen enough elf cock to know,” you mumble. “Or any other type of cock, for that matter.”

Gale chuckles. “You’ve been sleeping with one, have you not?” There is a small note of sadness in Gale’s voice when he says this, and you note it. You had turned the wizard down for Astarion.

The laugh that was about to come out of you dies at Gale’s words. You remember sleeping with Astarion, remember how your relationship started, how-

You shake your head, trying to clear out those thoughts. You want to just have fun right now, not think about your complicated situation. Gale notices, and he closes the spicy book. He looks to you, those large eyes holding nothing but affection and concern for you.

“Is something the matter? Anything you need, I’ll be there,” he reminds. He may not be your partner, but he’s still one of your closest friends in camp.

“Actually.” You weigh your options. No one seemed to be here at camp, and so you decide to confide in your friend. “Yes. There.. there is a problem. With.. with Astarion and I.”

Astarion initially rolls his eyes as he hears this conversation. It’s just banter, and he doesn’t mind. What made him stay there and listen in for a moment was the sound of your laughter. It was so genuine and he had not heard it in what felt like forever. He felt a pang of jealousy that of all people, Gale had been the one to bring it out of you. As he prepared to go back to your shared tent, he finally heard you mention his name. He froze, immediately rooted to the spot by fear. He had to know what was wrong. He had to fix it before you left him.

Gale puts a comforting hand on your knee. “Then I will lend you my ears. I shall keep your confidence.”

“It’s- it’s hard to explain,” you begin, speaking gently. “Does it make sense if I say I understand why he would do something he did, but it hurts anyways?”

“More than you know,” Gale replies somberly. “You understand their reasons. Sympathize, even. But you can’t help how you feel.” He pauses, considering it. “Does he know?”

“No.” You shake your head, answering without hesitation. “I didn’t want to give him more things to worry about. He..”

He already has too many things on his plate, you figured, and your petty little issues are nothing compared to what he’s going through.

Gale nods. “And you didn’t want to burden him. I understand.” He clears his throat. “I’m not a good choice for advice regarding relationships, however- it’s common knowledge that hiding things from each other so early on is a portent for disaster. I hope you know that.”

“I know, Gale,” you say, your tone sharpening. Then you let out a sigh, forcing yourself to calm down. “I just don’t want to hurt him any more than he’s already been hurt. I can’t hate him for what he did to me, but I want to hate him for how much it hurts.”

Your voice breaks at the last moment, and you bury yourself in Gale’s shoulder. He wraps a comforting arm around you, letting you finally let out those feelings you’ve been bottling in.

“I thought,” you gasp, “that he’d finally be the one person to actually want me for me.”

Astarion, hidden in the periphery of the camp, sees and hears everything. He keeps silent, as his own heart rips at the sound of your sobbing. Of course. How could he have been so blind? How could he have just assumed you were okay with what he did? After his confession, you had said everything was okay, and he had taken it at face value.

Gods damned it, Astarion thinks. As the conversation dies and you gradually shift to just sobbing into Gale’s shoulder, Astarion slips away.

You head back to your shared tent and hour or so later, opening the flaps. To your surprise, your lover sits there. He snaps upwards the moment your face pokes in, as if he had been waiting for just that exact moment.

“You’re back early,” you say, slipping in and closing the flap behind you. You drop to your knees and crawl towards the bedroll beside him, exhausted.

“Caught a boar quite early on. I daresay I got a bit lucky,” is the reply, delivered in a tone that just sounded off to your ears. He moves to wrap an arm around you, pulling you close to him. “And you, darling? Catching up with the wizard?” He tries to go for nonchalant, and absolutely fails it.

You notice it then, the way he’s actually not even breathing. The way his chest is stiff as a board, the way his fingers tremble.

“Astarion,” you squeeze your eyes shut. “You heard.”

“Every word,” he says, a pained sigh escaping his lips. His arm stops pulling you close. You turn to face him, and you see his face, more pained than you have ever seen him before. When he had confessed, he looked frightened. This time he looked resigned. You watch him clench his jaw, preparing to say the words he knew he should say.

Astarion takes a small, sharp breath. He meets your gaze.

“I hurt you.” The statement is quiet, emotionless. “You shouldn’t have told me you were okay, darling. You should have let me know.” His jaw works again, and he struggles to say the next words.

“I’ve put your things in your pack. You can leave whenever you wish.”

He tries not to cry. Not to beg for you to stay. Because you deserve to go. You deserve real, and if you can’t be real with him, then he isn’t the one who deserves you. Swallowing, his hand caresses your cheek. “I am sorry.”

Sorry he can’t give you what you deserve. Sorry he hurt you. Sorry he was what he was.

You sit up. You try to see what he’s thinking, to see if this relationship still had anything to salvage. But here in the dark, it’s very hard to tell. You brace yourself; the thing missing here was communication, and you’ll be damned if you don’t try to do just that before it all blows up.

“Do you want this, Astarion? Us?”

A quick, quiet hiss of pain breaks the silence. His eyes brighten, filling up with tears. They don’t fall just yet.

“Yes. Gods, yes.”

Your own shoulders drop, and you exhale.

“Then I’m going nowhere. But I suppose we should talk about what you overheard.”

He exhales, relief flooding his features. The guardedness isn’t quite gone yet, however. He makes no move to close the gap. Instead he sits up, matching your position.

“What else is there to say? I manipulated you. You felt a lot less gracious about it than you originally thought. Seems about the sum of it, no?”

There is a little defensiveness there. As if he’s already building walls in the event of your departure.

“Somewhat, but not quite.” You clear your throat. “I don’t blame you. I’m not upset at you. Or resentful. Or whatever else you think I am. Before anything else, I want you to know that.”

His eyes widen, surprised. He had overheard the conversation; he should have known this. But hearing it so directly said was different. You can see his shoulders sag as the tension leaves his body, as that terrible knot in his heart starts to loosen. He nods, acknowledging your statement and an encouragement to continue.

“I’m just hurt.” That was the root of all of it, really. “I’m hurt, but I didn’t want you to know. You already suffer so much, that it felt…” you trail off, trying to find the words.

“Frivolous, darling?” He suggests. As you nod he continues. “Just because I’m going through things doesn’t mean there’s no space… for your feelings,” he begins tentatively. He takes one more small breath, then reaches across to take your hand, just like he did that night he confessed.

“I’ve spent two hundred years carrying my own burdens. You have shared my load. Please. Let me lighten yours too.”

You scan his face, on instinct, trying to see any signs of insincerity. There is none. His eyes are round and open, and his hand remains on yours, palm up, an invitation for you to come to him.

You choke back tears, leaning forward to touch your foreheads together. “It’s just that I wished you were.. that we started differently. That you wanted me..”

“For you,” he says, repeating what you said to Gale. “I know. And I might not have, at the start. I might have seen you as a means to an end.”

He gathers his courage and moves to wrap his arms around you. “But now I do,” he whispers against your ear. “I want you for you.”

You melt into his arms then, moulding yourself to his torso as you cry yet again. But unlike your tears when talking to Gale, this feels like relief. Like home.

He shushes you, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. “You said you aren’t upset at all. But you can. We can..” he thinks for a moment, then proceeds. “We can take some time apart, if that’s what you want. We can take a step back and see if we can end up back here again.”

Saying that felt like torture for him. But he knew it needed to be said. You needed to have that option.

You shake your head. “No. I’m- I would very much rather be in this, whatever this is,” you say with a teary laugh. “But you’re right. I think I’ll still need some time to go through it and accept everything.”

“Just don’t forget, Astarion. It’s not your fault. It’s not,” you say vehemently. “I’m just hurt, but I’m not holding you responsible.”

He wants to protest, but knows better than to. Instead he nods. Carefully he cups your face in his hands, and you shiver as his cool palms make contact with your wet cheeks.

He kisses the tears away, each kiss a soft, feather-light brush against your skin.

“Thank you,” he murmurs. For your kindness. For your forgiveness and grace. For your love, although he couldn’t even use that word yet, even to himself. For the gift of yourself, always so generously given, from the very start.

He wishes he could someday live up to your love. That he would be worth everything you give him. He tries to voice this out.

“If you’re staying, then… it gives me a challenge, mm?” He tries to smile. “I’ll try to be worth the trouble. But no promises, darling.”

You huff out a laugh. This beautiful, strong, insufferable man. How could he think he wasn’t worth it to you? But you understood. You felt the same way.

“I’ll hold you to that,” you say. “As for me, well. I don’t imagine I’ll ever be worth all that, either.”

“Then we’ll be worthless together,” he says without missing a beat. If you only knew how special he thought you were. How worthy. How you make him want to be better.

He presses his lips to yours, finally. Sealing your words together. A promise for you two to share each other’s burdens. Together.

“Sounds like a plan,” you agree.

[chevelleneech]

semi-live blog

They are immediately the cutest fucking people when together. So soft, so giggly.

I know it’s part of their social culture, but they drink a lot. Maybe it’s because I don’t drink, but dang.

“Jungkook is currently doing his skincare.” They add to the screen after panning away for scenery, yet leaving the sounds of *slap slap slap*😭

Jungkook cycling through multiple pairs of sunglasses, and Jimin swanning in and picking the first pair is peak! They’re so similar I yet so different, lol.

Another thing I’m sure is part of their culture, is the way they pay for stuff, but I find it interesting still that we’ve seen Jimin buy almost everything during their trips, since as far as we know they have pretty lax hierarchy rules between the two of them normally.

Jungkook is in the most romantic moment of his life, lmao! “I love it here!!!” said a million times. That man was experiencing a real life Hallmark movie in his head.

I also thought they spoke/understood way more Japanese than they apparently do.

“Come on everybody!” I understood that reference.

The way they chose to animate over everything to avoid having to blur a billion people in the station is HILARIOUS!

Jimin is too funny bro.

This train ride is so peaceful, it’s selling me on visiting Sapporo despite being broke and not speaking a lick of Japanese.

Can we also discuss how “My man, my man, my man.” Jungkook is? Yet Jimin is too, and somehow both is more than the other, lol. They are perpetually on some, “Jimin will like this.” “Where’s Jungkook?” *films food, pans to Jimin* *films the outside world, pans to Jungkook* *cuddle even while walking* type stuff. Just lovesick.

Girl!dad Jimin confirmed🥰 He’ll be such a sweet dad too, I think. He’s so patient and kind, which is heavily required to raise another human.

I loooooooooe Jimin’s jacket dude.

The way Jimin immediately pivoted to making JK laugh when he tried to downplay himself. Like I said, “My man, my man, my man.” Don’t talk bad about his man, even if you are his man.

My most delusional Jikook theory you’ll ever hear from me: “Are You Sure?” actually became the title because they were asking it if each other, because they in looooooooooove.

Also, to answer my own question from my previous list… yes, the bubble is back.

Role play Jikook strikes again!

Jungkook is it slick! He played with that sip of whiskey the entire time, but the minute Jimin left he downed it.

Them forgetting to pay would’ve been me. And JK initially sending Jimin back to do it would have also been me. You got it, extrovert! Take the embarrassment for the both of us!

They’re so cute! This snow fight makes me want to be somewhere cold for the holiday☹️

The food always looks so damn good! Lord I’m jealous.

I need someone to compile all the times JM and JK go out to eat together, and let me know if Jimin is the one with his back always to the door? It’s a thing in America at least, that the “protector” tends to sit where they can see the door, and I don’t know if that’s a thing in SK as well, but it’s cute, because it matches their dynamic either way.

“Your fingers were all over it.” SIR!? You’ve had his sweaty ear in your mouth… he’s had his mouth on your neck… you’ve also had his fingers in your mouth before and vice verse… AND y’all constantly eat and drink off each other… in fact… yesterday he bit the very sausage you were in the middle of eating and then you continued eating it… before that you gladly allowed him to put his TOES next to your face while you were BRUSHING YOUR TEETH. Stop playing with me, Jeon Jungkook!

Jimin legit being ready to beat Tae’s ass over a dumpling is too crazy, lol. And folks be acting like he some docile helpless baby. Meanwhile, JK is a mediator. They definitely made for each other.

End of the episode. It was fun. Felt like the start of a holiday special. And I didn’t mention it up top, because I decided to “live blog” thoughts like ten minutes in or whatever, but Jungkook softly and sweetly saying he wanted to come back to Japan because it reminded him of their first trip together… SOBBING! He’s such a sentimental guy, with an equally as sentimental guy on his arm.

They truly do vibe so well, and I understand with each passing episode why them enlisting together was a non-choice choice. They click. Like they said themselves, they’re one person split into two bodies, and it’s clear as day they thrive off of being around one another.

Not to get too sappy either, but it’s insane they feel that way about their bond and dynamic, on top of all the things that already just so happened to bring them together. Not just born in the same country, but same city. Auditioned for the same music group. Actually made it into the same group… they were destined to meet, and even they feel that way. All that’s missing is them being the same age, and they’d be the same person. That’s an insane thing to say, but really tells you how deeply they value their connection.

[cringe--is--dead]

𝕎𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕓𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕣 𝔹𝕠𝕪𝕤 + 𝔽𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝔻𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕤

Incl. Ren Kaji, Tasuku Tsubakino, Toma Hiragi, + Hajime Umemiya

Apologies some are longer than others!

ℝ𝔼ℕ 𝕂𝔸𝕁𝕀

ʰᵉᵃᵈᶜᵃⁿᵒⁿˢ:

This man spends the entire day before your date staring in the mirror at himself and screaming into a pillow because; hello? He asked you on a date? And you agreed?

He is definitely the kind of guy who, when panicked, ghosts people. Not maliciously, but solely because when he's anxious he just avoids the situation in its entirety. You can thank Hiragi he doesn't do that this time.

Doesn't wear his headphones on your date, but does keep them around his neck, and if you're quiet enough you can faintly hear music playing from them. He keeps them close enough to focus on if he gets too anxious or too upset, but not on so he can hear you when you talk.

He keeps the suckers though; but if you had ever mentioned a favorite flavor of yours you'd be surprised to notice that these ones he's eating happen to be your favorite flavor.

You find yourself at an arcade with him; nothing too jam-packed because dealing with large crowds would not be fun, but it's not so empty that it feels awkward.

He definitely overthought it before you two arrived there, and is overthinking it while you two are there.

But he pays for all the tokens, buys you both sodas or waters or whatever you want, plays whatever games you want to or suggest, and it takes the third game for you to tell him to stop going easy on you and give you an actual challenge.

He ends up kicking your ass at almost every game you two played, but you win 2/5 rounds of air hockey, so you count that as a win.

Combines all your points/tickets at the end and sends you away so he can choose a prize for you; he ends up with fewer tickets than he thought so he ends up with a small, plushie of a whale. He's embarrassed, but it's soft and has the cutest beady eyes.

The date lasts for a few hours, and he walks you home, awkwardly brushing his pinky against yours before you take the initiative and take his hand.

Drops you off at your place with a kiss on the cheek

You text him a selfie of you in your PJs later that night, holding your whale plushie and he makes it his wallpaper almost immediately,

𝕋𝔸𝕊𝕌𝕂𝕌 𝕋𝕊𝕌𝔹𝔸𝕂𝕀ℕ𝕆

ʰᵉᵃᵈᶜᵃⁿᵒⁿˢ:

Is the definition of looking cool on the outside, looking cool on the inside.

Is more excited than anything, no room for nerves, you on the other hand?

Who wouldn't be nervous? Have you seen Tsubaki?

He helps the pair of you plan your outfits days before, matching colors and patterns, hairstyles, and accessories.

The moment you two are out and about together you already look like a power couple; and with the confidence he holds your hand all your nerves disappear.

He takes it slow and simple; taking you for coffee and sweets, sitting outside on their cute patio to talk for literal hours.

He's the type of guy who wants you to try a sip of his drink and a bite of his food and is holding out his fork with a little bit of pastry on the end for you to eat. When he puts his fork down he tells you you have some icing on your face and wipes it off with his thumb, and then he puts his thumb in his mouth, it's such a small, and simple thing but your face is red can you tell who my favorite is?

You two go through a handful of drinks and sweets while sitting there, and for each new order he insists on going up and ordering for you, paying, and taking cute pictures of your drinks together whenever they're served really cute

Once you two are done at the cafe, and Tsubaki has plenty of new selfies with you and candids of you, you two go to a clothing shop that he had found, something small and locally owned, and I can imagine you two doing fashion shows for each other

My friends and I used to do this; but you two pick out outfits for each other, trying to make outfits that fit each others style or outfits you think the other would look amazing in

You take turns trying them on and showing them off; and no matter what Tsubaki is wearing he looks so absolutely amazing you forget how to breath a few times

You go with the notion that you’re window shopping and just trying clothes on for fun, but little do you know he buys himself your favorite outfit he wore and you your favorite outfit your wore

You try and argue against this but he just shuts you up with a kiss; hand cupping your jaw, tilting your head up softly, looking at you so soft and sweet before he’s leaning down to press his lips against yours, so feather light and sweet before he pulls back

You’re stunned into silence, face red and lips tinged the same shade as his lipstick

He tells you you both can wear the outfits on your next date, and takes your hand in his, continuing to a pastry shop that’s nearby

𝕋𝕆𝕄𝔸 ℍ𝕀ℝ𝔸𝔾𝕀

ʰᵉᵃᵈᶜᵃⁿᵒⁿˢ:

He is the definition of looking cool on the outside, is terrified on the inside.

He had an entire box of gas-kun10 in the twelve hours before your date, and it takes everything out of him not to bring out a box on your date.

A gentleman; brings you flowers and picks you up early enough so you can put them in a vase of water before you leave.

I agree with a lot of head-canons that say he seems more traditional? In the gentleman, chivalry sense; and I agree

He holds his arm out for you to hold when you leave; walking closer to the street so you’re further away from any cars (regardless of how few) and any bikes going by

He definitely follows the movie and dinner thing; having genuinely, subtly found a movie coming out that you had wanted to see and taking you to a mid-afternoon showing

He buys your favorite drink and snacks

I imagine he also makes sure to bring his jacket (and hope you forgets yours) so in case the theatre is chilly he can lend you his jacket

It is chilly, and he does lend you his jacket

He also puts his arm around your shoulders while watching the movie; and everything he does is so cliche but dear god is your heart fluttering

He takes you to a nice restaurant afterwards, and you two have a quiet little table, talking about the movie, about the other Furin boys, about your school life and friends

He remembers your friends names and family members names and asks about how they are and just makes you feel so listened to

When he drops you off at home he literally asks if he can kiss you

Brushes your hair behind your ear, fingers trailing down your jawline, resting at your chin as he tilts your head upwards

He kisses you softly and slowly, no expectations behind the kiss; he lets you lead the kiss, lets you end the kiss when you want

It was a simple kiss yet the man leaves you winded

Calls you later that night to talk and unwind, planning another date for the following week

ℍ𝔸𝕁𝕀𝕄𝔼 𝕌𝕄𝔼𝕄𝕀𝕐𝔸

ʰᵉᵃᵈᶜᵃⁿᵒⁿˢ:

I think he barges into Pothos to panic to Kotoha because he's never been on a date?

She helps as much as she can before kicking him out.

He debates a lot of ideas, literally has a list on his phone of ideas and pros and cons for each place, and he's read them out to literally everyone.

Poor Sakura almost had an aneurysm, Sugishita nodded along to every idea thrown his way, and Hiragi swore he had a stomach ulcer.

He picks you up in the early afternoon, and takes you to a local café; not Pothos (Kotoha threatened him to go somewhere else where his friends don't hang out); and you two snack on sweets, coffee, and tea before you go to the next place.

I imagine that this man still has to include some of his own interests, so he had found an open garden type park nearby— someplace with lots of flowers in bloom, butterflies and honey bees flying all around

It’s a beautiful place really; and he pays for a special bouquet for you, wrapped with a cute ribbon

You carry it around, and it ends up being the only thing he allows you to carry

He’s carrying your jacket, your purse, any bags from things you buy (he pays for, regardless of how much you argue)

The garden has little areas to sit and relax, and he’s offering to buy you any drinks or snacks, and turns the garden date into a mini picnic as well

He’s definitely the kind of guy to sit there and watch you, leaning on his hand with a dopey look on his face while you talk about anything— and the look on his face makes you feel so vulnerable and warm you find yourself stuttering and stammering without him even saying a word

When the sun starts setting he walks you home, and he’s the kind of guy who has an arm wrapped around your shoulders as you two walk, the tips of his fingers brushing against your bicep in an almost tickling way

He’s so sweet and happy when he drops you off at home, walking inside to put your stuff down because he still won’t let you carry any of your stuff, and he even starts putting any leftover food away without you asking

Like Hiragi, he asks if he can kiss you, and as soft as he was on the date, his kiss is closer to smoldering

It’s heavy, it’s fast, and it’s over so quick that your brain is reeling

He grins at you like he didn’t just physically steal your breath away, telling you goodnight, kissing your forehead before leaving

He texts you later that night, cute little plant pictures and promises for another date

𝔸/ℕ: I am very well aware that Tsubaki is in love with Umemiya (he and me both) BUT I am also way too in love and invested in the Great King that is Tsubakino so he's included. Also, this is my first go at writing for Windbreaker, so if anything is OOC or bad... I'm so sorry. I’ll hopefully get better! >.<

[blacknedsoul-blog]

Montresor is the Bad Ending of White Raven

So Montresor has a religious trauma. And from what little we know of the flashback to his death, the man was apparently a corrupt preacher.

What that tells me about his life made me crack my knuckles, because holy shit, this guy is an even better villain than I expected. And not for the reasons I thought at first.

Montresor's possible backstory

A fun fact: "unholy men" used to be called "sons of Belial". Same as Monty's Spectre type, so there's the initial connection, but with what we saw in chapter 87, this phrase from his mother resonates quite a bit:

Montresor was most likely a bastard (literally), and if he was raised in a religious community, that immediately made him and his mother outcasts. Possibly his mother hated him for "ruining her life". Whether this is true or not, the implication is that he grew up a victim of a system that decided he was sucked by the devil from birth.

In this light, Montresor's attitude towards the world is actually a logical consequence: he has decided that abuse is the only way to relate, and you can either be the victim or the victimizer. Of course, he is now the victimizer.

But he decided that because life taught him two lessons that were important enough to make him the person he is now.

"I know this game better than anybody"

We know from the clothes and hat in his flashback, and the cross around his neck, that Montresor was a preacher. And I would venture to say an excellent one: he has heard all his life that he is a demon, he knows better than anyone what terror hell produces in people, so he knows exactly what to say (or not say) to manipulate others through that fear.

Montresor, like Annabel, is someone who exploits his own traumas.

Annabel has been almost conditioned to behave like the perfect high-society lady, and that includes going to impressive extremes if it means getting something in return. She has engineered her way through life by identifying the currency of the people around her and knowing exactly what to give them so that they will, in her words "kissing her rings".

Loyalty gained through fear vs. loyalty gained through pretended sympathy.

Same goal.

If the world has made them that way, both Annabel and Montresor will use every last footnote of knowledge gained through trauma to get what they want.

But then there's something else they have in common: this deep knowledge of the rules of the game has also made them both know that the odds are too stacked against them to ever win. In the past, we've seen Annabel throw in the towel on her arranged marriage, but Montresor took a different path, much more along the lines of…

"So I'm not afraid to cheat."

Montresor decided that if people wanted a demon. He would give them one. The worst demon of all, because this one knows the rules: he knows how to play the game, he knows how to cheat and get away with it. We don't know the extent of his atrocities, but given what happened in the flashback and the fact that his idea of a sleepover is stuffing someone behind a wall to slowly suffocate, this guy must have a long rap sheet.

So long, in fact, that he was tied to the tracks of a train to be torn to shreds without even a trial.

Because if the rules are just there to screw you, then screw them: the only option left is to cheat.

Which is exactly what Lenore did when she burned down her house and pretended to be a man to go after Annabel. Lenore jeopardized everything Annabel said was important to her.

And she got away with it. At least until they were both killed (or, if those of us with our chips on Annabel's childhood friend, they may have both died without anyone knowing).

Now, in Nevermore, Lenore is still doing that, as we can see in her reluctance to kill or destroy Montresor: she refuses to play the game, refuses to follow the rules.

She will look for ways to cheat here, as she did before (something Annabel actually expects her to do). The woman is too stubborn to bend, and so far she seems to have the wind at her back (the question is, for how long?).

The bad ending

These elements make Montresor a complete exhibition of the ultimate consequences of taking Annabel and Lenore's attitudes to the extreme: a person who instrumentalizes her own traumas to unravel and try to inflict them on others, and who is not afraid to cheat for her own benefit if it means getting what she wants.

The only thing that separates Annabel and Lenore from Montresor is that they both still use these attitudes in the name of other people: Annabel for Lenore herself, and Lenore for the people she cares about. That both of them (still) seem to have their hearts in the right place.

But if Annabel continues to use her vast knowledge of this twisted game to work her way through people without caring, and Lenore still believes she's above all rules, here's Montresor to show them (and us) what's waiting for them at the end of the road.

[jawxme]

Tuesdays.

You were almost asleep when your phone buzzed against your pillow, causing you to wake up in a bit of a shock. You hated falling asleep watching TV…but you did it almost every night. You reached under the throw pillow to find your phone. The lock screen was too damn bright, so you squinted your eyes to read the notification.

New Message: Carmy - Are you up? I know I said I didn't but I think I need you tomorrow. Can I count on you?

You read the message a few times over. You started working at Carmen Berzatto's restaurant a few weeks ago and quickly became enamored by the chef. He was handsome and smart, you couldn't help it! Between the small compliments on your dishes and the way you seemed to always give each other little smirks... you felt something. You typed back.

Yes, I can make that happen. You caught me before I fell asleep.

The little bubble popped up to show that he was typing. You couldn't help but imagine him in his own apartment, sitting on the couch or lying in bed, texting you. You held back a smile at the thought. Your phone buzzed in your hand.

Yes what? And I need you to be on time. 9 AM.

You rolled your eyes, picturing Carmen at home and smiling at his own text. You were never late. Never. And he always made fun of you for it. He said you must sit outside the door until the exact moment you are scheduled. And of course, he expect you to say Yes, Chef.

No shit. Heard. And Yes, Chef.

You smiled at your phone, rolling over onto your back. You checked the clock. 11:52pm. Damn. It was later than you thought. Your phone buzzed again.

Good. See you tomorrow.

You didn't want to say goodnight. You and Carmy had a few nights where you would text and joke around just slightly. You wanted to initiate more. You wanted to keep talking to him. You inhaled deeply and typed a response.

Carm, I have a question for you. You can tell me to fuck off and go to sleep, but I want to ask... What do you really think of me?

Your finger hovered over the send icon for a moment. You considered deleting it, but you pressed send. You watched the bubble appear as he was typing. You kept re-reading your message as he typed, feeling embarrassed you even asked. Then, you saw his message come in.

Sometimes you can be reckless and impulsive to a fault. You have a tendency to push my buttons and get on my nerves, but I appreciate your willingness to speak your mind. Overall, I’ll keep you around.

You started typing immediately before you could even think.

I'll keep that in mind. I sometimes like getting a reaction out of you, if I'm being honest. Sometimes it is nice to know I can get under your skin. I like it. Goodnight, Bear.

*************** the next day, after work ******************

Work kicked your ass. It was a very long day and Carmy was stressed and frazzled. You didn't really have any time to have a personal chat with him, it was all work-related. The only bit of reality you two had was when you dropped a pan that had been searing chicken and you looked up at him when he yelled at you. A few minutes later, he gave you the "I'm Sorry" sign language motion, and you moved on with your day. A million things went wrong during service. You wanted to talk to him again. You pulled out your phone as you sat down on the couch.

Hey, Chef. Service was crazy today. Sorry I didn't have a better grip on things. Hope you're ok. Today was chaotic.

You started making yourself a PB&J sandwich, your usual go-to when you would rather die than cook something. You were spreading the peanut butter when your phone buzzed on the counter.

I appreciate you. Chaotic is one way to describe it. But we made it through. What are you doing?

You finished your sandwich and took a bite. You stared at his message on your screen and contemplated what to say. You held your sandwich in your mouth as you started typing. Fuck it.

Making a PB&J sandwich. Don't laugh. It’s my comfort dinner... Maybe this is stupid and I am just tired, but I need to know. I know you look at me differently than you look at others like Tina. Do you find me attractive?

Send. You felt your stomach curl as you re-read your message. Fuckkkk. What if this ruined your chances of working for him for a long time? Ugh. You couldn't help it, you just had to know. You saw him typing and then not. Typing again, and then not. Shit. You flipped your phone over, you didn’t want to watch. You flipped it back over. Of course you needed to watch. You bit your lip as you saw the text come in.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't.

Christ. You felt your stomach do a few more curls as you took in what he sent. He was still typing and you waited anxiously, your thumbs hovering over the screen.

…But we have to remain professional. Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if Richie found out? We would never hear the end of it.

You knew he was right. You smirked as you typed a response.

Oh, Nat would be so smug too. We can just keep it between us.

You walked to your bed as you waited for his response. You felt high, knowing that you and Carmy were finally acknowledging this attraction. Your phone buzzed.

That is for the best. We can keep it under wraps for now. And as long as you don't push my buttons too much.

You chuckled as you responded. For now. For now. For now.

Hm. No promises on the button situation. I like to press them.

He heart-reacted to the response, a signal that he was fading away on the couch most likely. You couldn't blame him, you were exhausted.

******** the next day, after work************

The Beef closed at 6pm on Tuesdays. It was the only day that you didn't close at 10pm. Thank God. You enjoyed being able to have a little bit of evening before you collapsed in bed. You got home and jumped in the shower. You heard your phone buzz as you washed your hair. You smiled, hoping it was Carmy. You hadn't even been apart for an hour, but you secretly hoped he missed you already. You finished washing yourself before stepping out of the shower and reaching for your phone.

Today took a lot out of me, not interested in cooking. I think I'll make a PB&J. Heard you like those. Wanna join?

You held your phone close to your chest as you felt a warmth spreading through your neck and face. This was moving faster than you thought, but you weren't mad about it.

Absolutely.

You responded. You hurried to your closet and threw on leggings, a purple sweater, and your boots. You dried your hair and threw on a bit of makeup. Carmy sent you his address along with another text.

Let's keep this low-key. I've got sweatpants on and don't plan on changing.

Carmen Berzatto in sweatpants. The thought made you blush.

*************later that night, Carmy's apartment***********

You walked up to the door and knocked three times. You were so nervous it was almost unbearable. The door swung open and you saw him. Carmen was standing at the doorway and slightly leaning on the doorframe. He had on grey sweatpants and a light blue long sleeve. His eyes were complimenting the shirt nicely. Damn, was he gorgeous. He grinned as his eyes dropped to your lips and then slowly back up to your eyes. It was a slight glance but you noticed it. “Hey..." He was so quiet with his greeting you weren't sure if you imagined it. He stared at you and your eyes glanced behind him into the apartment. "Fuck, right, um...come in.” He said with a furrowed brow, his voice so low it was almost a whisper. When he wasn’t screaming in the kitchen, he was a quiet guy. He stepped to the side so you were able to step in the doorway.

You smiled and slowly looked around his apartment. It was bare. Naked. Horribly white and empty. You felt Carmen’s eyes tracking you as you looked around. “It’s not much but it serves its purpose f'me.” He brought his hand to his mouth and rubbed his chin. While you took in the apartment, he helped you take off your jacket. He tossed it onto a lamp by the front door. You cleared your throat and turned to him. “Hope this is okay…” you motioned to your outfit.

He smiled and looked down at his own outfit. “Yeah, yeah, definitely okay. When I’m not at work, I just want to…um… to be comfortable.” He tugged on the sleeves of his shirt. You stood around somewhat awkwardly as you watched him get a drink of water for you. He noticed your awkwardness and chuckled. “Sit down! You don’t have to act like a guest. Make yourself comfortable, chef.” He was trying to hide his awkwardness as well.

You sat down in the kitchen on the single stool at the bar top. Carmy started pulling out the bread, peanut butter, and jelly and assembling the sandwiches for the two of you. You still felt awkward and he knew it. “You can relax, y’know. The atmosphere here is different than the restaurant. I’m not gonna…” he sniffled, pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. He raised his hand to the air trying to find the rest of his sentence. “I’m not gonna uh, yell at you or anything.” You blushed hard when he said that. Of course, it filled your mind with the image of him pounding into you against the countertop and barking sexual instructions at you. You tried to stay grounded in the moment when you responded. “Right. Sorry. Those look good.” You looked at the messy sandwiches.

Carmy chuckled, his eyes glancing up at you and then back at the messy sandwiches on the bare counter. “Shut the fuck up.” He tossed the sandwiches on paper plates and put one in front of you. “Eat up, a Berzatto special.” He began. He leaned forward on the counter, only having the one stool forced him to stand. He had his elbows on the counter and leaned forward to you as you took a bite. “I’ve, uh...gotta ask… smooth or crunchy?”

You chewed your bite and covered your mouth with your hand as you licked the peanut butter from your teeth. “Oh, crunchy for sure.” You muttered. Carmy gently slapped the counter and brought his tattooed hand up to his curly locks and raked his fingers through. His arms looked so muscular and perfect… “Correct answer! Didn’t know you were a peanut butter aficionado.” You grinned. “Of course. You’ve gotta have some texture in the sandwich, or else it’s just-“ “Too fuckin' mushy. Yeah, yeah.” Carmen nodded as he finished your sentence and also his sandwich with a huge bite.

Carmy’s eyes were glued to you as you finished up your sandwich. He wasn’t afraid of staring, that’s for sure. The edges of his mouth curled up slowly, he enjoyed watching you eat the food he made. Even if it was just a PB&J.

After you finished, Carmy took your paper plate and threw it away. “I, uh... Couch?” He mumbled, his arm outstretched to you as he stood on the other side of the kitchen. You wanted to grin at the way he couldn't formulate a proper question, but you didn't think you'd be able to either. You nodded, standing up. He kept his hand reached out, so you took his hand. He led you to the couch. You were obsessed with the fact that you were holding hands with Carmen. It was a ratty old couch. His setup was pretty awful. His little TV was balanced on a card table and the cords were a mess.

He flicked the television on to a random cooking show as you both sat down and then tossed the remote onto the coffee table that was covered in old bills and paperwork from The Beef. The couch was old and sunken in, not ideal for sitting apart from each other. His body immediately slid closer to you and he tossed his arm over your shoulders. “Comfy?” He asked, peering down at you from the corner of his eyes. He didn’t turn to face you, or else your faces would’ve been almost touching. You felt a surge of confidence and you turned your head towards him, gently placing your chin on his shoulder and cuddling up to him. He peeked down at you with that grin once again, the sides of his mouth curling up just slightly. “Very comfy.” You answered him.

You studied Carmen’s face. He had very strong features. His eyes sunk in a way that made him look perpetually sleep deprived. His nose and jaw were both chiseled to perfection. His lips had the perfect “M” curvature. You loved his lips, you would frequently catch yourself staring at them while he smoked cigarettes in front of you. The way the cigarette clung to his upper lip while he spoke would never fail to mesmerize you. He had a slight stubble, but not a beard. His hair was always so fucking messy and disheveled looking, but in a sexy way. Carmen didn’t have to even try to look good. Your thoughts were halted by Carmy placing his hand on your knee. “You uh... See something y'like?” He asked, referencing the way you were just completely staring at him. You felt your face flush. “Sorry, Carm. I am just not used to seeing you in this type of environment. It’s so different. Like… I’m just seeing you as Carmy, not Chef Carmen Berzatto. It’s different for me.”

“Is it, uh....Good different?” He asked, tilting his head slightly as he turned to look at you. You softly nodded. “Okay.” He whispered. He gently placed his left hand on the side of your face, turning you to completely face him. His thumb gently grazed across your soft skin on your cheek. Your breathing stopped as you looked into his eyes. His stare was almost like a begging, his eyes speaking a language without even trying.

He studied your face, his eyes lingering on your mouth for a moment before sliding his hand up slightly to cup your jaw. He ran his thumb across your bottom lip in a gentle but firm swipe. You felt yourself melting under his touch. You inhaled sharply, your eyes fixed on his face as they slowly swam around your facial features. He smiled slightly when he heard your breath catch. His other hand was still on your knee. He gently tugged on your leg, helping your body pivot towards him.

You leaned in close to his face, the tension thicker than you thought possible. He slowly and carefully touched his lips to yours. You were surprised how gentle it was, but that didn’t last incredibly long. As soon as your lips touched, he pressed his tongue into your mouth. You felt how desperate he was to be close to you. The hand on your jaw moved to the nape of your neck and he kept you pulled close. He tasted like cigarettes and cologne. His grip loosened and you whimpered into the kiss, “I’ve wanted to do this for so long…” You felt him smile into the kiss as he replied. “Me too, but uh...stop talking now?”

He dropped his hands to your waist and gave you a playful squeeze. You continued to make out with Carmy for who knows how long. His strong arm wrapped around your waist as your body twisted on the couch. He pulled you in even closer, his other hand tangling in your hair. He nibbled your lip gently as he let go of your waist. “Lie back."

You did as you were told and leaned back so you lay flat on the couch. He crawled on top of you without breaking the kiss for more than a few seconds. He placed himself between your legs as his kiss deepened. You’ve never had a kiss like this. It’s like your brain was able to completely shut off, the natural rhythm you both shared was exactly synced up.

You arched your back slightly in efforts to draw yourself closer to him. You peeked your eyes open to see Carmen’s face, completely relaxed and soft. His eyes were closed softly, his eyelashes fluttering lightly. His usually furrowed brow was relaxed for the first time that you had seen. Carmy broke the kiss as he pushed himself up slightly. His curls fell and his upper lip was wet with saliva. “Fuck me.” He whispered as he grinned.

You weren’t sure if that was meant as a compliment or…a request? Carmen cussed a lot. Sometimes it was because something was bad, but sometimes it was because something was really good. You hoped the latter. He slid his hand underneath the hem of your sweater, his fingers grazing over your bare skin. He moved his hand up your stomach and rested it right below your breast. His mouth hovered so close to yours, but far enough that you couldn’t kiss him. “You’re wearing too much.” He whispered as his fingers danced circles on your skin.

You both sat up, Carmen ripped his long sleeve shirt over his head, tousling his hair. You pulled your sweater off and unhooked your bra before throwing them both to the floor. Carmen took a moment to admire your naked chest. “Fuck, you’re uh... you're beautiful.” He mumbled. He reached behind you and laid you down again on the couch. He started placing soft kisses along your neck. His upper lip dragging along your skin between kisses. He left a trail of kisses down to your right nipple before sucking on it softly. You felt yourself melt even further into the couch.

He continued kissing lower until he passed your bellybutton and reached the waistband of your leggings. “Fuck, Carmy…” you whimpered as he dipped his tongue under the waistband, teasing you like crazy. You looked down and saw his nose pressed against your belly as he kissed your skin so desperately. You lifted up your lower half and he immediately grabbed your leggings and slid them down, your panties too. His hands found your upper thighs and he spread your legs slightly.

He kissed the soft skin on your inner thighs and looked up at you. The curls were tickling your skin as his eyes met your gaze. “Do you want me to go down on you?” He asked. Obviously. Duh. Please. Fuck yes. Now. You wanted to scream but all you could do was mutter “Yes…” between gasps. He kissed the spot right above your clit, humming as he did so. “Yes what?” He asked with confidence.

This made you inhale sharply because you knew exactly what he wanted you to say. Your mouth opened slightly as you stared down at him, his eyebrows raised but his eyes focused. “Yes, Chef.” You whispered. He smirked and slid down lower between your legs. He pushed your leggings completely off and grabbed your knees, placing them on his shoulders. “That's right...” he softly praised you as his lips met your core.

Instinctually, your hands grabbed Carmen's curls. You couldn't help it. The way his tongue repeatedly stroked you was driving you insane right away. You tugged on his hair and held him as close as you could. You felt his thumbs on either side of your opening, pressed into you and holding your legs open for his face. His nose was nuzzled against your clit while he ate you out, and you had no complaints.

Two of his fingers dipped between your folds and sunk deep into you. You whined loudly, craving more of him. Usually, you were fairly self-concious about your body and any noises you would make during sex... but with Carmy, you just didn't care. The pleasure was too overwhelming. He was still his shy, awkward self... but during this, Carmen had a surge of confidence, almost like he knew how good he was. He scooted up so his face was close to yours, his fingers still working at your core. "My fingers feel fuckin' good, hm?" He whispered as his lips hovered over yours.

Your face suddenly flushed with embarrassment as you opened your eyes and saw Carmy watching your facial expressions. You reached your hands up and covered your face, but then you felt his fingers stop moving inside you. "No, no, no don't...don't uh, don't cover your face, okay? I like to watch you enjoy it." Carmy whispered, nudging your hands away with his nose. You moved your hands from your face to the sides of his neck and played with his curls. "Yeah, like that...I dunno, it's uh, it's sexy f'me to watch." He grinned and blushed, and so did you.

You felt a surge of your own confidence. "Now you lay down." You whispered and pushed against Carmy's chest. He did not struggle as he quickly leaned back and flopped backwards on the couch. He watched as with wide eyes as you stood up off the couch and found your place on top of him.

You liked the view of being on top of Carmy. His hair was messy, his cheeks were flushed, and his lips still shiny. His hands immediately found your thighs and hips. He gave them an affectionate squeeze and ran his hands up and down your thighs. He reached his hands towards your face and placed them on your cheeks and sides of your neck. "C'mere..." He whispered. You leaned down and he closed the gap between your mouths. He captured you in a deep and passionate kiss. You rocked back and forth with the kiss, creating some friction against the hardness you could feel in his sweatpants.

He broke off the kiss for a moment and held the sides of your face softly. "You're driving me crazy, y'know that?" He whispered before he went back to kissing you. His tongue was stale with cigarette smoke mixed with your own juices and he was an excellent kisser. Carmen looked down, his hands finding his waistband and tugging at his sweats. "Gotta get these off..." He started pulling them down. You realized he didn't have any boxers on, so when you began helping him pull them down, his hard erection popped out and lay against his lower midsection.

With his waistband now down at his knees, he pulled your hips back down on top of him. He groaned when he felt your wet folds against his cock, they slid up and down on him so perfectly as you shifted your weight. You wanted to tease Carmy.

You began grinding against him, letting your wet folds slide the length of him. Each time you reached his perfect pink head, you paused, wanting to drive him up the wall. You were succeeding. His cheeks flushed more with each glide against his length. His head fell back against the couch cushion as he let out a low groan, his hands desperately gripping your waist in an attempt to adjust your hips for him to enter you. That same feeling of confidence spilled out as you spoke. "Fuck, Carmy, you really want me, don't ya?"

He was growing more desperate with each moment that passed, but hearing you say that made his cock twitch. "Fuck, yeah I do, I really want ya..." he groaned as he reached up to your chest and his hands cupped both of your breasts. "Please, I..." He begged, sighing.

You lifted your hips slightly as you wrapped your hand around his length and held him vertical as you slid down on top of him. The moment his head fully entered you, you both let out a moan. Carmy's moan was desperate and whiny. He was melting. He needed you so badly. His fingers were digging into your hips as you settled back down on top of him, his length stretching you out. He lifted his hips barely to make sure all of him could be inside you. "F-fuck... feels so amazin'..." He whispered between breaths.

He couldn't tear his gaze away from you. He was so submissive for you. He watched in awe, his lips parted as you started riding him slowly. His hands were strong against your hips, but not hurting you. He was attempting to let you set the pace, but his begging grip was speaking for itself. "C'mere..." He exhaled, wanting to kiss you. You leaned forward as you kept riding him. Your mouths met in a messy, desperate kiss. His hand tangled in your hair. His voice was ragged and breathless as he whispered, "Y'feel so fuckin' good. Don't stop ridin' me."

He groaned as he felt you move faster, his cock sliding in and out of you easier. You slowed your pace as you grinned, wanting to torture him a little bit. You bit your lip as he looked at you. That desperate look was gone from Carmy's eyes though. Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around your waist and shot up, picking you up and stumbling over to the kitchen counter. He sat you on the countertop, his cock still inside you. He pulled your hips down until you were hanging off the edge, just perfectly so he could fuck you.

You felt your heart pounding in your chest with the sudden power swap. Carmy stared into your eyes as he thrust once, his cock going all the way inside you before sliding out.... and then he did it again. He started fucking you on his countertop. You moaned with each thrust, being completely filled up each time. Carmy was out of breath, but he whispered, "Feels so good, yea?" You nodded your head and exhaled, "Yes.... yes..." Carmy's tattooed hand grabbed your chin roughly which made your eyes shoot open. He was still fucking you at a decent pace, but he held your face still. His eyes wandered to your lips as he softly exhaled "Yes what?"

Fuck, he was so sexy like this. "Yes, Chef." You whined, throwing your head back as he picked up the pace. He loved your compliance, the way you whined your responses. His breath hitched as he felt you wrap your legs around him, pulling him in closer. He grabbed your hips, pulling you even closer to the edge of the countertop, begging the space between you two to dissolve. "Fuck." He grunted.

You felt a heat rising in your lower belly. You knew once you felt this, you weren't going to last much longer. "Carm, I'm... I'm gonna cum..." You mewled as he grunted as a response. His thrusts were irregular and needy, you knew he was close to his orgasm as well. You clawed at his neck, begging for a kiss. He leaned forward and your tongues met in an incredibly sloppy kiss. Carmy's breath was hitching and shaking as he got closer, which made you focus on yours.

You felt the wave building up, the heat growing in your belly, and you snapped your eyes open to watch Carmy start to come undone. "Oh, fuck!" He grunted as he let his orgasm loose. This caused you to teeter over the edge and plunge into the depth of your orgasm as well.

Your brain felt fuzzy. The sound of the both of you breathing heavy was filling the air. Carmy was still inside you, almost holding you in a hug as he caught his breath. He placed kisses against your neck as he took deep breaths through his nose. "Ssshit, that was good." He hissed, taking a step back and allowing his now limp cock to slide out of you. You giggled at the sight of him, all disheveled and exhausted. His eyes were wide and sunken as he rubbed his face, droplets of sweat falling from his brow.

He reached for a dish towel and wiped himself off before gingerly cleaning you up. You sat on the countertop, allowing him to wipe you clean. He took a step back and you hopped down from the counter. He grinned and looked down at the floor and started softly laughing. "What!" You gasped as you started giggling yourself. "Nothin', that was just... really fuckin' good." You loved the way he looked when he laughed, his wrinkles by his eyes and the slight crinkle of his nose.

You giggled as he brought you a blanket to cover yourself with. "Well, fuck, I didn't know if we would go all the way tonight or just dip our toes in..." He said, still chuckling as his hair fell over his forehead. "Me either." You agreed. Carmy reached his hand out and helped you walk over to his bedroom. Again, a pathetic room with no decorations, just a plain bed against a plain wall. "Sleep with me tonight? I'll set an alarm bright and early so uh, you can get home before we gotta work...and maybe we can do this every Tuesday, if y'want." His hands raked through his curls again as he blushed softly. God, he was so cute. "Sure. Yes." You smiled. Carmy's eyes shifted as he got serious again. "Yes what?"

You rolled your eyes and laid down on his bed. "Yes, CHEF." You laughed. He snickered as he laid down beside you, reaching his arm over to cuddle you. "Ok, good..." He confirmed. "Tuesdays."

[zwhoreo]

thoughts on headcanons on how luffy would be with a shy gf / trying to bring the girl he likes out of her shell / not be nervous around him???? i like to envision him being the initiator sometimes simply bc i myself am so ridiculously reserved… the idea of him and his partner balancing each other out / teaching each other to be more outgoing and free spirited vs less rambunctious and reckless…. it makes me v happy ALSO i hope its ok to send another ask so soon, i love ur work !!! @ v @ ;;; no rush or pressure to answer !! :’’>

hana!!! tysm for all the support, i rly appreciate it, I’m so glad you like my writing :’) you can send as many asks as you want!! i’m pretty busy with work/school prep rn so requests are taking me some time, but yess please never hesitate to submit one if you have an idea <333

coming out of your shell - luffy x f!reader headcanons

fluff

summary in request, how your dynamic might work with luffy if you’re a bit more reserved, how he helps you come out of your shell, and the kind of balance you two give each other in your relationship

words: ~750

________________________

You love Luffy an indescribable amount, and somehow he loves you back tenfold.

This boy loves you so much that he rarely wants to be without you, sticking to you always, pulling you along with him everywhere, talking loudly in your face because he’s excited by the closeness

you’re intimidated by that love so much, you were a bit shy and didn’t know what to say

But god, there’s something about him that just changes you, makes you feel fuzzy on the inside. He calms you. You become comfortable around him so fast, eager to be in his arms

But sometimes it’s too much, his loudness. You’re trying to relax, have a break from the outside world, but here’s Luffy wriggling on top of you, so full of an energy you can’t believe, it’s all too endless.

“Hi, Lu…” you murmur softly in his mouth as he kisses you for the hundredth time.

At first it was hard, he’s so unlike you, he’s unlike anyone, really, that you’d ever met

You hadn’t imagined yourself ending up with this kind of intense extrovert

But Luffy knows you like quiet sometimes, and when you’re feeling tired and want some time to yourself, but if he really wants to hang out, you can say, “hey Lu, wanna take a nap?”

He’ll be so excited to come cuddle on top of you while you read or look out the window, going to sleep quickly, letting you soak in the comforting warmth of his body in stillness

Luffy is attached to you. If he goes somewhere, more often than not you’re along for the ride.

He squeezes your hand, his own so sweaty with excitement, running and dragging you along with him, wanting so badly for you to be as excited as he is.

He talks to people on the street, bouncing on his feet, voice loud and overflowing. You cringe at his boldness, many times, you can’t imagine acting like that.

But he’ll motion you over, and gush about how his new friend HAS to meet his beautiful and perfect and fun girlfriend, he’ll hug you and he’ll want you to talk to his friend and when your voice is small he pats your back and pulls you a little closer, he wants you to make lots of friends, just like he does, because it makes him happy and he wants you to be happy, too

And when you start to conversate, when your smile comes, he grins so proudly and afterwards he’ll reward you with a big, sloppy kiss

Because even though the concept of shyness greatly confuses him, he knows these types of things are big for you

When he wants you to speak, he’ll look at you, turning his head over his shoulder and making a small, giddy sound.

He’ll squeeze your hand which of course he’s still holding, he wants to remind you that you’re safe

But you can balance him out, too. If he comes up to someone who you know doesn’t want to talk, if he’s bothering them and it’s clear on their face but Luffy doesn’t know, then you’ll gently pull him away into a hug and whisper, “hey, looks like they don’t want to talk right now…”

He’ll be a little disappointed but you’ve helped him understand stuff like this

Luffy LOVES adventures

He wants to take you on all of them, even when you’re scared or anxious

There’s that hand holding again, or maybe he’ll link his arm tightly with yours, knowing that the closeness of his body will make you feel safer, bolder

It does help, he’s infectious, invigorating. He’s inspiring in the way he charges ahead, and you want to feel so free like he seems to, always

So you try to be like him, going out of your comfort zone, finding joy in the things you fear

When you’re scared, he’ll hold you. He’ll lift you onto his back or press you close against his chest

And when it’s too dangerous, when your anxiety is right, you can hold his arm, tell him to please just stay with you, and he’s learned (probably the hard way) that sometimes you can be right about these things, you can see what he won’t

It’s a perfect balance, you and Luffy. An unlikely pair, two polar opposites, and yet you share so much, you fit so well. He loves you for that, and he’s going to help you, always

[fumifooms]

Helki compilation

Helki is a prisoner-turned-servant. He’s a criminal canary and was implicitly one of Milsiril’s charges, and now that she’s retired he’s become her servant.

He must have gotten into Milsiril’s good graces, wether through attachment or convenience, which is a feat considering Milsiril’s a socially anxious recluse. Interesting since it’s not like he seems like the agreeable type, shifty upbeat delinquent style… We really don’t know much about him, not even what crimes he did, so there’s a lot of space for speculation on all grounds.

Edit: Shanghai QnA with Kui gave us a new juicy morsel of info!

Interesting… The original answer in japanese is: パッタドルと同じような杖を使っていました。今も同じものを支給されているのですが、すぐになくすのでもはや携帯していないようです。 That it’s written in japanese seems to say that there isn’t the same double translation issue there was last QnA, so if someone wants to look at the original phrasing and word choices it can be done. Perhaps Helki-Milsiril has a more protégé dynamic undertone than previously thought… "For various reasons", meaning circumstances that made it so the squad had to choose between saving him and saving their own skin, or like, "man this guy’s personality sucks we don’t really like him"? Likely to be a mix of several things, since ‘for various reasons’ implies the situation was either complex or they had multiple reasonings. In either case, the phrasing is very much that Milsiril couldn’t abandon him herself, and so a relationship sprung out of that. Another instance of outcasts seeking out and sticking with other outcasts in Dungeon Meshi. This could mean that it’s a bit less out of personal attachment and more out of a sense of duty on Milsiril’s side as well though.

Still edit: So then maybe him staying with Rin in that comic isn’t that much because of work ethics or that he cares for kids (or maybe he does because he feels kinship to them, alone and mistreated), but because he didn’t want to join the other canaries in that room chatting and laughing… Maybe the isolation was exacerbated because he became Milsiril’s favorite, teacher’s pet style, but I’d also be careful about assuming the others disproportionately dislike him, it could be that they just don’t really care for him. Why? Could be because of his personality, because he’s seen as shifty or unreliable or annoying, if an event, who knows who knows, but I like to think because of the Rin comic that he generally just tends to be a loner, that he’s "weird" in a neurodivergent vibe, he doesn’t conform to proper social behavior which in elven society seems especially alienating. He’s the only one with Rin to think of her sake, not only worth observing/caring for but also asks her to eat, but he does this with an offputting stare, not really emoting, and then well, the infamous alone with her staring munching covered in blood panel. He stands out. I’m a fan of the theory that it was a "Helki? Not that I dislike the guy but I’m not risking my skin for him" situation… Ok end edit back to older observations.

He seemed to be acting out of his own initiative in the Rin comic, he doesn’t look thrilled to be there in many post-canary comics but he also seems content enough. He restrains Milsiril in the Mithrun cleaning comic which is interesting to think of for their relationship.

It’s fun to notice how he’s the only one that didn’t get bored of looking after Rin, and then reports back about her condition… I’d say he was getting used to taking care of kids which would come with the job of serving Milsiril, but then, not enough for him to clean the blood off himself hah. In this way it’s interesting to think about his relationship to the idea of parenthood, he’s probably the closest thing to a father figure/male role model Kabru had growing up, without mentioning the other kids. I feel like he’d consider himself an older brother, cousin or uncle figure sooo much sooner than a father, but even then I do think it’s just his job and he’s not really invested or forming real relationships with any of them much.

It’s curious to note that he’s dressed in canary uniform presumably after having been pardoned and living with Milsiril? Which you can tell by the armor bits (the yellow strips of spider silk). In the Kabru training montage and the Rin comic specifically. It seems very implausible for him to have still been a canary while being a retired Milsiril’s servant and being with her all the time, and the cleaning with Mithrun comic (where he’s not in uniform) happens after Utaya so it could happen after Kabru was taken in but around the time of the Rin comic. So why uniform? It could be one of the best outfits he has, so it’d make sense to wear it around especially if you’re sparring or getting… Blood on you? Could just be because that's how Milsiril wants him to dress. But yeah we don't know when exactly Helki becoming Milsiril’s servant happened. We do see Mithrun’s charge Cithis be tasked with taking care of him, so a charge being given a servant-caretaker role doesn’t seem all that out of the ordinary, sometimes even prior to retiring.

Imo, if he doesn't work for Milsiril he goes back to jail/the canaries/has to try and get a job instead of just tending to her, so Helki is staying with Milsiril because she's the best option for him. He’s her milsiril's personal servant and does mostly dull tasks involved in that. He’s not particularly suited to the role but they’ve gotten used to each other to him so she took him with her, and he does prefer it to canary work so it works out decent for him. I think he’s used to reading her and managing her moods and he’s one of the rare social connection she has.

Under spoiler is stage 2 interpretation stuff, bigger speculation, in a reblog I’ll make soon I’ll go over my thoughts for stage 3 interpretation lol. Helsiril I’m coming for you

Translation of the canary hierachy chart used is by Thatsmimi, here

[neoneun-au]

CAN'T HELP MYSELF; CHAPTER III: WHO WAITS FOR LOVE?

―PAIRING: wonwoo x fem!reader, mingyu x fem!reader ―GENRE: love triangle au, fluff, mild angst, romantic comedy, suggestive, smut ―CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 11.2k ―CHAPTER WARNINGS: angst, mild language, alcohol consumption, masturbation (explicit female, implied/mentions of male), 18+ only ―STATUS: ongoing

―AUTHOR’S NOTE: i cant link them here, but please find the series masterlist and other chapters on my blog. i would love to know your thoughts on the story so far, this is really only fun with interaction and it helps keep me motivation to finish !

iii: who waits for love?

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“You didn’t mention one of my roommates was basically a fucking model,” you complain, sinking into the absurdly massive grey sectional next to Jeonghan as he sits scrolling on his phone, attention removed from the drama providing background noise on the shared TV. 

“Who? Mingyu?” He tosses his head back with a bark of a laugh at the suggestion, “he’s a model idiot.” 

“Idiot or not you should have warned me he’d be so…so,” you toss your hands in the air, a dramatic display of frustration completed by the furrow in your brows. The image of Mingyu’s bare chest from your initial meeting (new and improved version 2.0 of hot roommate: now accompanied by a soundtrack of bed squeaks and the joy of someone else’s orgasm!) assaults your senses and you scrub it from your mind’s eye as best as you can before fixing your weary gaze back on Jeonghan, “so hot.”

“Oh please,” Jeonghan rolls his eyes as soon as the word falls from your lips. “Yeah he’s easy on the eyes, but once you get to know him his looks are much less impressive, trust me.” He shakes his head, raising his coffee to take a sip before pursing his lips and fixing you with a concerned stare, “I didn’t take you as the type to pine after tall, dark, and stupid. You’re not thinking of using him as a rebound are you?”

“What? Absolutely not,” the reply comes out perhaps more fervently than it should have because what was intended to deny the suggestion only serves to deepen the crease settling in between Jeonghan’s manicured eyebrows. You clear your throat and take a sip from the mug of tea growing cold in your hands as a cover. 

“Rebound,” you scoff at the word, trying to play off the twisting feeling in your gut with derision but only managing to dig the knife in deeper. “Definitely not. I have no plans to start dating anytime soon. Not after this breakup.” You’re aware that you’ve begun to ramble but as per usual, your mouth runs away with your words. Try as you might, you cannot scramble to retrieve them as they spill forward like a damn breaking open. Jeonghan stares at you with a slight frown as you monologue, “I barely even want to look at men full-stop. Don’t get me wrong, I mean, you’re okay, we’re friends and all. And Seungcheol is fine I guess ‘cause he lifted all of my heavy shit up the stairs like some kind of bodybuilding angel sent from protein-heaven,” a stray strand of hair falls in front of your eyes and you blow it away with a short puff of breath. 

“But dating? No. No, no, no,” you continue unabated, “absolutely not. I’m taking this time to get to know me. If anything, I’m dating myself. Mingyu might be hot but he won’t break my resolve, that’s for sure. I am determined,” you finish the speech with a single, firm nod–agreement with yourself clear and solid and in no way capable of breaking at the threat of warm brown puppy eyes flashed in your direction. 

“Right,” Jeonghan drags out the word, unconvinced by your impassioned declaration of independence. “Well, if you get bored of dating yourself and do end up wanting someone to mess around with for a bit, I can hook you up with some people. Serious or…less serious. Your choice.”

“I will be just fine on my own, thank you.” You nod once. Firm. Decisive. Not at all embarrassed by the display. 

“If you say so,” he sings, shaking his head and pushing himself off the couch before flicking the TV off. You sit in silence for a moment, sipping the last of your lukewarm tea, and listen as Jeonghan’ footsteps fade into the kitchen. The slight lingering guilt and shame from the night before stains your thoughts. A ring of liquid left on the surface of a coffee table, encircling the memory of Mingyu’s moaning and the keen sense of desire that burned a pit in your core at the sound.

Jeonghan returns from the kitchen a second later and sits down on the arm of the couch. He clears his throat to speak, more serious than you had seen since graduating university. “Listen, I’m not going to tell you how to live your life,” he begins. You inhale to laugh your disagreement of the statement but he holds up a single hand to silence you so you bite it back just as quickly. “I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I will just give you a warning, if I may” he lets his hand fall back down to his lap, “as your friend. And as someone who has your best interest at heart.” 

“Fine,” you allow, buying into the sincerity, “I’m listening.” 

“I said that I can hook you up with people both serious and not so serious,” he says, pausing to take a deep breath, “Mingyu is not serious.”

The image of the man in question pops up in your mind once more. An observable object–lips locked with the mystery brunette, hands roaming the expanse of her body as they flutter like a pair of dragonflies locked in a mating ritual towards his bedroom. The chorus of “ohs” and “ahs” that chorus in your ears like the audio from the old Italian softcore porn films you used to sneak out of bed to watch in your adolescence. The squeaking of the bed frame, and even the eventual abrupt departure first thing this morning, project themselves across the walls of your brain like a feel of film. All fleeting images and experiences serve as firsthand evidence backing up what Jeonghan is saying to you at this moment in the harsh light of day. 

“If you’re in it for a quick, no strings attached hookup then, well,” he sighs, brushing his bangs out from in front of his eyes, “you’re a grown woman, I trust you can make your own decisions. But I’ve never seen Mingyu with the same girl more than once. So just…be careful. Because if you want something substantial, you would be barking up the wrong tree with him.” 

You nod and the previous image of Mingyu–all roaming hands and bucking hips–dissolves pixel by pixel into the knitted brows of concern and the serious expression his classically handsome face held barely an hour ago. The warmth of his hand as it pressed ever so lightly against the skin of your forehead–an act so painfully tender and familiar it made you yearn at the intimacy of it. While your logical mind does believe what Jeonghan is saying, another part of you (a deeper and much more foolish part) can’t help but feel like there has to be more to Mingyu than the rest of them give him credit for. That maybe there is something to be taken seriously there. 

The thought dissipates into vapour as Vernon strolls down the stairs–bleary eyed and dazed with the lingering sleep still clawing at the corners of his eyes. He nods lazily in silent greeting, clad in tie dye and baggy jeans, and walks past the pair of you and disappears into the kitchen. 

“Just,” Jeonghan hesitates a moment, waiting for the sound of the fridge opening in the next room to disrupt the strained silence that had settled between you, “be careful, okay?” 

“Don’t worry,” you smile, genuinely grateful for the advice and care from your long-time friend, despite the bells of disagreement ringing out inside of you. “I’ll be fine.”

.

.

. 

“Do you think I need a rebound?” The question comes after an hour of banter and conversation over way too expensive cocktails in the dimly lit corner of the bar you used to frequent when you were still going to university with Seulgi. Her insistence that you get out of the apartment and stop stewing in your own thoughts had finally paid off and truthfully the distraction was not entirely unwelcome. But you were still stubbornly refusing to admit that she was right. The status quo of your friendship since the very beginning. 

“Didn’t you say you were swearing off men or something?” Seulgi asks, tapping a manicured fingernail against the side of her nearly empty manhattan. 

“That was before I saw the reality of the men I was swearing off,” you sigh, mourning the loss of your already weak resolve. Solemn regret for the poorly timed declamations you had given voice to in the past. “And the reality is that they're pretty fucking hot.” 

“You mean one of them is pretty fucking hot, right?” she emphasizes, ever observant, and you grimace at her over the lip of your own half-empty glass.  

“One of them looks like a Greek fucking God for no reason,” you grumble, turning to wave the waitress over for another round, “like Adonis or something. It’s not my fault I have functioning eyeballs.” 

“Adonis wasn’t a god, he was the mortal lover of Aphrodite.”

“Well whatever he was, I’m now stuck living in an apartment with him.” The young waitress walks up with an expectant look and Seulgi orders another round of the same while you drain the last of your drink, savouring the bitterness of the gin as it lingers at the tip of your tongue. You watch the waitress as she walks back towards the bar, brunette ponytail swinging behind her like in rhythm with her steps, and wonder vaguely if maybe she’s the girl you saw Mingyu with. 

Seulgi turns back to you with a slight roll of her eyes, “I’m sure it's not that bad. Just ignore him, you’re mostly working or asleep  when you’re not just hanging around bugging me anyway.” 

“Pretty hard to ignore him when he’s so openly hooking up with some random girl in a condo with 4 other people who can clearly hear him.” 

“Well put some earphones in or something, listen to a podcast,” she laughs, shaking her head. You bite your tongue, reluctant to mention the fact that you had willingly listened in as they fucked. That maybe you had enjoyed it a little more than you were letting on. You didn’t need the inevitable teasing that was bound to come if you told her any of that. “Do you remember our one roommate? From second year?” 

“Oh god,” you balk at the memory, “Johnny?” 

“He was so loud,” she grimaces. So many late nights spent huddled together on her bed watching movies, joined in mutual avoidance of the self-proclaimed playboy and his rotating roster of girls. “And then you went and hooked up with him which was just the worst. He was so insufferable after that.” 

“Hey, in my defense I was desperate and not exactly in my right mind,” you bristle at the thought of your pathetic, erstwhile crush. Surely, you had thought in the throes of your youth and naivety, someone who pulled that many girls knows exactly how to make them feel good. Yet by the end of it, as he lay open-mouthed snoring on the bare mattress next to you, you were left with a clear idea of why you never seemed to see the same girl more than once. “Anyway, from the sounds coming out of her, Mingyu seems to actually know what he’s doing in bed.” 

“So you did listen,” she smirks. 

“The walls are thin,” you let the paltry excuse fall from your lips as she tosses her head back in laughter. Gulping down a mouthful of water in a vain attempt to swallow some of the embarrassment boiling like hot lava in your bloodstream. 

“What do you think they were doing?” Seulgi leans forward with a conspiratorial gaze–brown eyes full and bright and filled to the brim with a hint of evil. There have been a few moments throughout your years of friendship where she has fixed you with a look like this, and most of them led to some of the worst decisions either of you have ever made. Breaking into the community swimming pool after dark, stealing the neighbouring houses’ lawn ornaments, making out with dudes that may or may not have been married. Her desire for intrigue terrified and excited you in equal measure. 

“Pretty sure they were fucking,” you respond and she sits back, disappointed at the bland reply. 

“Yeah, I got that part. I mean details. If we’re gossiping, we should do it right.” 

The cacophony of the bar consumes you. Chatter and laughter from nearby tables floods your senses, drowning out the roar of guilt that knocks at the door of your mind as you consider your next words carefully. Whether to completely dive off the deep end and betray your new roommates privacy (in more ways than you already have). If you had been a little more sober and a little less intrigued by the man in your own right, you might have shut the topic of conversation down before it even began. You might have left the apartment for the night and slept on a chair in the lobby and avoided the entire tryst to prevent the memory of his moans from carving themselves into your temporal lobe. 

But you did not and now you are just as invested in the situation, and Seulgi’s complete lack of shame about asking for details further strangled any lingering guilt you had left. “Well,” you start and she leans in closer, eyes alight with anticipation, “they started in the hallway. I thought they were going to have sex right against the wall while I was trapped hiding behind the couch.” 

She laughs, head tossed back in mirth, “bet you would have loved that. Mingyu, bare ass out in front of you,” she jeers and you bristle at the accusation (even if you know she’s right). The waitress returns with your drinks and you mumble a brief thank you to her as she sets the glasses down. Seulgi continues to laugh, pleased with your reaction, “it would have been your wet dream come true.”

“Okay, that’s it. I’m not saying anything else,” you grumble into your fresh drink, wincing at the bite of the liquor. Cocktails were never your thing but Seulgi had offered to pay so who were you to refuse. 

“Aww,” she whines, “fine, fine, I’ll stop teasing you. Please give me the play by play. I am so curious.” She claps her hands together in mock prayer, pleading for your cooperation, and you think she might make an excellent lawyer or serial killer if she weren’t so normal most of the time.

“Fine,” you relent after a beat, already too wrapped up in reliving the night to abandon the story anyway. “Obviously,” you stress, “that didn’t happen. They were making out there for maybe like 5 minutes but it felt like hours. I was so worried she was going to see me but thankfully I managed to stay pretty low.” 

Seulgi takes a sip of her darkly coloured drink, you can tell she wants to interject but she manages to hold true to her promise. 

“So they stumble off to his room,” you continue with a sigh, “and I go to mine, which, mind you, is right next to his. We share a wall.” She winces and you give her a knowing nod, steeling yourself against the all too vivid memory. “I crawl into bed, trying to block out the noise for a while, which at this point isn’t too loud. It’s just like…some muffled talking and moaning and the occasional slap of like…skin on skin. Maybe he spanked her…” you trail off, shaking your head along with the words, fully invested in the theatrics of the storytelling now. “But, through some cruel twist of fate his bed, just like mine, is also right up against our shared wall. So as soon as they really get going, I can feel it.”

“What, like…” she thrusts in her seat, a quizzical slant to her eyebrows, “like shaking?” 

“Yup,” you pop the ‘p’ for emphasis and she lets out a low whistle. 

“For how long?” 

“I don’t know,” you shake your head, “felt like forever. I was just clutching my sheets like it was an earthquake or something.” You do conveniently leave out the heat of desire and curling of toes, but she didn’t need to know that part. 

“Did it start off slow?” she asks, voice conspiratorial. “Fast? Do you think he ate her out first?”

“Seulgi,” you hiss, keeping your voice low. You glance over at the table of college guys next to you but they don't appear to have been listening.

“What, I’m not allowed to ask?” She balks, hand on heart, and appears offended for a moment before the usual mischievousness settles back in and she leans forward with a glint. “Did Wonwoo ever eat you out?”

“We are not discussing the details of my sex life right now.” 

“No of course not,” she rolls her eyes, “we’re just discussing the details of someone else’s.” You grumble at the inability to argue with this statement. “How long has it been since you got laid anyway?” 

“I don’t know,” you sigh, dropping your head to the table and then regretting it immediately when you realise how sticky it is. “Like five months maybe?”

“Five? Didn’t you break up with Wonwoo like…” she fixes her eyes on the ceiling for a brief moment, calculating the time passed in her head before turning back to you with frown lines creased into her forehead, “six weeks ago?”

You shrug, sinking your embarrassment into another sip of alcohol, “so we hadn’t had sex in a while, so what?” 

“Do you think maybe that was a contributing factor in your dissatisfaction with the relationship?” She leans back in her chair, crossing her arms. 

“I don’t need a therapy session, Seulgi.” 

“On the contrary, I think you would benefit greatly from therapy,” she laughs, “but that’s not what this is. You’ve just been sort of distant lately.” You open your mouth to protest but she stops you with a glance, “don’t start, I know we’ve been hanging out, but over the last few months you haven’t been as open about your emotions and stuff. You used to tell me everything, even things I didn’t want or need to hear, but for a while it feels like you’ve just been…hiding. Internalizing.” She leans forward and taps the center of your forehead with one, manicured finger. “Stop that. It’s not good for you to be in your head so much.”

“I hate to say it but, you’re right,” you sigh, begrudgingly agreeing with her observation. The skin where she had poked you tingling in the aftermath of her touch like a beacon of truth.

“I always am,” she nods, “but seriously. We’re friends. I want to hear how you’re feeling. I know I make fun of you a lot, but that’s just ‘cause you’re so easy to make fun of.”

“Hey!” 

She laughs and you’re reminded of why she and Jeonghan always got along so well. “Seriously though,” she says, expression sobering, “maybe you wouldn’t fixate so much of your loneliness and desperation onto random guys if you got out of your head a bit more regularly. Just a thought.” 

“It's not desperation, I just…” you trail off, unsure of where to begin. Unsure even of what your own internal landscape was trying to tell you. You wanted to confide in her, to be more open and transparent, but it was hard to do that when none of you couldn’t even sort out your thoughts and feelings from your anxieties and worries. It was hard to be clear when everything just felt like mud. She waits, expectant, as you sift through the much for some clear strand of thought. “You’re right, about the loneliness anyway, I know you are.” She nods, dark hair spilling over her shoulders. “But it’s not desperation.”

“So then what is it?” she asks and you try to place it. Try to tug on the thought to follow where it was leading you. What was it about Mingyu that made you feel like you were chasing something? Clawing at the walls of some well of yearning like a prisoner of your own desires. What was it about him that was making you want more? More information, more contact, more, more, more. 

“I think,” you start, hesitant to speak the word lest it be wrong. “I think it’s curiosity.”

“About Mingyu?” 

“Yeah, him. And about myself,” you shake your head. Ruminating on your spiraling thoughts was one thing, but vocalising them for someone who knew you oftentimes better than you knew yourself was another thing entirely. Your thoughts held more weight now that someone else was bearing witness to them. They had more consequences now than just 15 minutes of anxiety or a few hours of doom-scrolling.

“What about yourself?” she asks, unraveling the mess as you present it to her. 

“I feel like…I’ve been in this strange place between needing people for everything and also trying my best to not need anyone at all. I can’t do my taxes without help, I can’t change a tire without help, I can’t even move apartments without it! But when it comes to emotions or vulnerability…I would rather just deal with it on my own, you know?” She nods, attention focused completely on you. Despite how long you’ve been friends, the direct attention still flickers a switch of shyness inside of you.  

“That’s what it was like with Wonwoo, too. He was never the most emotionally available person and I think I just got used to dealing with things on my own because of it. I didn’t want to burden him with my thoughts or feelings cause I know I have a lot of them. Don’t get me wrong, though, it wasn’t like he refused to listen or anything I just…he just wasn’t really open with his own feelings or thoughts so I sort of started to feel guilty about dominating those conversations all the time with mine. Like I was using him as some sort of emotional punching bag. And then I just got used to it, and it took so long for me to realise that I needed something more than that…” 

Any hesitation you had felt before dissipates as you talk, little by little. You feel like you’re back in your dorm room together, laying on your floor and just letting yourself pour out every thought, every feeling, every worry you had. Stream of consciousness–your lips to Seulgi’s ears. That open vulnerability you shared before life and work and everything else got in the way and left the door open for inhibition, shame, and guilt to move into the space between.

You feel lighter as you speak, like you had been needing this–craving it. Waiting for her invitation to come to let loose the torrential downpour of your mind to a willing listener. To a friend. 

She was right. She always was.

“So what is it about this Mingyu guy, then? You don’t think he would just be the same?” She asks, shifting the focus, and you purse your lips in concentration. 

“I’m not sure…” you trail off. And you really weren’t sure. Was he just an idle fascination after all? Did you just find him hot and that smoke screen of good looks was blinding you to the fact that he was just some guy like everyone before him? Or was there actually something there, in spite of it all? You mull it over while Seulgi takes a leisurely sip of her drink. “I was talking to Jeonghan the other day, and he said something that sort of made me think–”

“That’s a surprise,” she laughs, unable to resist the opportunity for a jab at your mutual friend. 

“He said ‘Mingyu is not serious’ and I don’t know,” you continue, unabated by her comment, “I get this feeling that that’s not the full truth.”

“What, like psychic intuition?” she laughs and you shake your head. 

“No, no…well, maybe. I don’t know. Obviously I don’t know the guy very well yet, and I have seen him do exactly what Jeonghan was warning me he does but…” you sigh, trying to collect your scattered thoughts of the man that is currently plaguing your mind. “He has also been very thoughtful, and he seems to notice such small details that the others don’t. I don’t know…I just think there might be something more to him than that, you know?”

“And you think you’re going to be the one to discover that side of him?” she asks, eyebrow quirked. Astute as ever. 

“No,” you start, but catch yourself in the lie immediately. “Well, yeah, I guess. I just want to see if my hunch is correct.” 

She fixes you with a withering gaze, dark brown eyes boring into your own for a moment before she laughs again, “Oh I get it now, you want to fix him.”

“I can’t help it, I love a project,” you sigh, resting your cheek in your palm and tracing idle circles against the wood grain of the table top. 

“So take up crocheting or something! Stop throwing yourself at every man who looks like a kicked puppy.” You groan at the accusation but can’t deny the truth in it. You did have a track record. “Look, if you want to do this. Really want to crack that big beefy chest open and see what’s inside, I’m not going to stop you, but I’m warning you now that I do not think this is going to end well.”

“You sound like Jeonghan,” you mumble, eyes closed as you listen to the lecture. 

“Good, at least someone you live with has some brains.” She shakes her head, pausing to hand her card to the waitress as she walks over with the bill for the evening. Silence stretches out for a moment, the din of the bar enclosing in to envelop you in its swell as you wait for the transaction to finish. The waitress returns and Seulgi slips her card back into her wallet before turning back to you, “I’m not saying this to be mean, but I really think you should take some time to be with yourself before you end up repeating the same mistakes you made with Wonwoo.” 

“Harsh,” you mutter, feeling the sting of it spear through your heart and settle there. Slow poison. 

She softens, eyes warming as she slides off her chair. You follow suit and walk with her out into the chill of the night. The bitterness of winter was starting to seep slowly into the air, you can feel it biting at your skin as you step outside with her to wait for the Uber she ordered to pull up.

“I love you and I want what’s best for you, and if you think that there might be something there with this Mingyu guy then I hope you’re right, I really do,” she says, a smile softening her expression. “I just want you to be careful, ok?” 

“Okay,” you sigh, hugging your arms tight against your chest to fight off the wind as it blisters through your thin jacket. “I love you, too. And I will be careful, I promise. I’m not really too keen to repeat my last relationship either…”

“Good,” she nods, eyes roaming to the curb as a slick black sedan pulls up. “I’ll see you soon. Try not to throw yourself too big of a pity party before then.” She waves goodbye as she strides towards the car. You roll your eyes, returning the wave, before starting your brisk walk the few blocks back to the condo.

.

.

.

Time passes slowly in the new stasis of your life. You take the new opportunity in the wake of your hangout to bury yourself in work and get through some projects that had been building up untouched while you were feeling sorry for yourself. You kept up with regular jogs with Seungcheol, largely at his behest, and they were starting to become an enjoyable break in your days. A way to clear your mind and focus your attention on your body. It also did not escape your notice that the route he was taking you on now steered clear of the street where you had seen Wonwoo a few weeks ago. You use your commitment to the new routine as a silent thank you to him for somehow knowing what you needed when you needed it.

Vernon was becoming a favourite of yours as well. A quiet denizen of the condo; he showed up at random hours, taking a seat near you but not too close, reading through scripts or scrolling on his phone in companionable silence as you worked. It was like living with a cat that took care of itself and had an impressive collection of beanies. 

Mingyu you tried to avoid, for the most part. He still plagued your thoughts on a daily basis, but out of respect for your friends’ concerns you wanted to give this budding infatuation time to settle into shape. To give yourself time to try and figure out what your real feelings on the matter were. You tried to find a delicate balance between roommate and acquaintance, figuring out his general schedule and adjusting your own accordingly so that you weren’t caught in any more awkward situations in the middle of the night or without anyone else around. 

All of these measures were helping to make you feel more at home in the condo. Less like an interloper disrupting their days and more like a part of the makeshift family–even if that part for now was cousin, twice-removed. 

As a result you were spending less time doing your work from the cafe and much more of it huddled over your laptop on the coffee table in the living room. Projects were getting done quicker, though it did mean that you were seeing Seulgi less often. 

“Why aren’t you answering my texts?” Seulgi’s face blinks to life on the screen of your phone as you finally accept her FaceTime call. “Are you still moping?” 

“I’m not moping!” you defend, raising the phone to hide the view of the pajamas you’ve been wearing for the past 24 hours as you were locked in a death-match with an upcoming deadline.

“Well how many more projects do you have left to do before we can go out? It’s been two weeks since I saw you now that you’re actually working from home,” she sighs in exasperation. Judging by the smoked out black liner defining her eyes, she was heading out tonight with or without you anyway. “Yerim is in town and she’s been asking about you.” 

“Yerim? Wait, since when? I thought she was still in England?” you straighten up at the mention of your distant friend’s name.

“She’s back for now to get some visa renewal stuff done,” Seulgi answers, “and we’re going out tonight so you should come if you’re not still buried under a mountain of work.”

You glance at the screen of your laptop, folders stacked on your desktop in a messy landscape of the digital mountain you created for yourself. The thought was tempting but you knew Yerim and you knew what a night out with her always entailed. Read: getting black out drunk in a club and stumbling home at 6:00am the next morning. You had made a lot of progress scaling your workload, but you weren't sure that even without work you would have the energy needed for a night out like that. 

The front door clicks open behind you and you spin your head to spout a quick greeting. Mingyu nods a quick hello, arms loaded with bags of groceries, before disappearing into the kitchen. 

“Who was that?” Seulgi asks, noting the interruption in your conversation.

“Mingyu,” you answer, mindlessly pushing yourself off the ground and bringing her with you as you walk into the kitchen behind him in search of a glass of water. He smiles at you as you enter but says nothing as Seulgi’s voice rings out through your phone.

“Ah,” she smirks, “the one with the nipples?” You roll your eyes at the clear attempt to embarrass you but nod—pointedly ignoring the man in question as he sputters next to you at the comment. You fill a glass with water from the filtered jug in the fridge. “So are you coming tonight or should I tell Yerim you’re too depressed?”

You give it a moment of thought. You haven’t seen Yerim since she moved to the UK in the middle of her third year of university, after the rest of you had already graduated. She sent some odd gifts here and there—chocolate, snacks, a figurine of Shakespeare wearing heart print boxers—but communication had dwindled as you all found your footing in your adult lives, far removed from the heady days of hedonistic college life. 

“Well first of all, don’t tell her I’m depressed, ‘cause I’m not,” you emphasise and Seulgi laughs at the bitter defense, “but I don’t think I can make it tonight. We should make plans for dinner or something before she leaves, though. Something a little more lowkey than the club.” 

“Fine, be boring,” she sighs. “By the way, Yerim brought a friend back with her. He’s apparently cute and not completely useless. She thought you might like to meet him, just as a distraction. Or a rebound that’s not going to jeopardize your living situation. He’s also coming tonight” 

You groan, settling down in a kitchen chair—opposite to the one Mingyu had sat down in with his reheated leftovers. He watches you with mild interest out of the corner of his eye while you try to think of a way to convince Seulgi that you don’t need Yerim’s charity date. “I would, but I already have plans tonight,” you lie, hoping she buys it without question.

“Oh?” she asks, eyes narrowed in cautious suspicion. “Do you have other friends?” 

“Very funny,” you roll your eyes, “but no, actually. It’s just with my roommate.”

“Which one?” she probes, digging you deeper into the grave of your own lie.  

“Oh uh–” you stutter but your eyes flicker above the screen of your phone, locking in on Mingyu’s own wide brown gaze. “Mingyu. We’re going to dinner tonight.”

He opens his mouth to speak, clearly confused by being dragged into your mess, but you shake your head lightly—willing him to just roll with it. He clamps his mouth shut and returns to his bowl of stew. 

“Mingyu?” Her surprise is genuine and you can tell she’s starting to believe you. A flicker of concern shines in her eyes. “Is it like…a date?” 

“No, Seulgi,” you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger. She was edging dangerously close to that  ‘jeopardizing your living situation’ territory on her own. “It’s just dinner. With a roommate.” 

“Okay,” she drawls, “but if you end up against a wall with his face between your thighs—”

“Goodbye, Seulgi,” you end the call with a panicked stab of your finger and lean back in your chair, eyes shut tight against the rising tide of anxiety. You feel lightheaded. Hopefully Mingyu didn’t catch that last part. 

“Did we—” He clears his throat. His voice, hesitant and low, floating in and dispeling your faint hope that he hadn’t been paying attention. “Did we have plans I forgot about?” 

You want to laugh, he sounds so genuinely worried. It forces a bitter bubble of bile to rise up into your throat. “No,” you shake your head, clearing it with a sip of water. “Don’t worry you don’t have to go out to dinner with me, I just really didn’t want to go out tonight. Yerim is sort of wild sometimes and the thought of meeting some stuffy English guy in a club was making me feel ill.” 

“Oh,” he smiles—also hesitant, but you can see a hint of his canines poking out behind his lips. “Well, glad I could be of service, then.” His smile widens and you can’t help but return it with one of your own. 

“You have been most helpful,” you laugh. “Sorry for using you as a scapegoat. Also sorry about the nipples thing, Seulgi has a selective memory.” 

“I don’t mind,” he shakes his head, the flush of warmth in his skin betrays the hint of embarrassment he’s trying to mask. You smile at the grace he’s giving you in what could have been an exceptionally awkward moment (especially after weeks of avoiding being alone with him) and push your chair back–wooden legs sliding against the tile. You stand up, preparing to turn around and hunker back down in front of your laptop screen, but Mingyu calls out your name before you get the chance. 

“Yeah?” you reply, half-turned towards the living room. 

“If you do,” he pauses, clearing his throat. “If you do want to go out to dinner tonight though…I could do that. I would uh…I’d like that.”

Your eyes trail from his still slightly pink face to his nearly empty bowl of leftovers. “But you already ate?” 

“Yeah,” he laughs, hand rubbing the back of his neck. A gesture so familiar to you from spending so much time with Wonwoo, but it looks different on him. Less like an anxious tick and more like a bashful habit. “I can eat again though,” he drops his hand from his neck and pats his stomach twice, “I’m a bottomless pit.” 

You should say no. You know you should say no. You shouldn’t dig yourself any deeper into this hole than you already have. But looking at him now, eyes so wide and genuine—freely offering you this tether of kindness—you can’t seem to bring yourself to summon up the word.

“Okay,” you reply, deadpan. Numbed with the confusion and surprise of this sudden change of plans so easily agreed to. So easily ruining weeks of careful avoidance and the cooling off of the one-sided tension you felt when you were near him. 

“Great,” he grins, white teeth glistening in the bright lights of the kitchen. “I need to grab a shower first and make a quick call, but how about we head out in an hour? What kind of food are you in the mood for? Do you have any favourite spots?” 

“I uh—” you stammer, unsure of the answer to the posed question. “I’m fine with anything. I don’t go out for dinner a lot so I don’t really know that many restaurants…”

“No problem,” he smiles again, standing up and grabbing his bowl. “I know plenty, I’ll bring you to a good one. Promise.” He winks before turning around to rinse out his dish and your heart skips a beat at the expression. One you would so often find lecherous and off-putting seems somehow so endearing coming from him. You scold your brain for the thought before stalking back to your room to change out of your pajamas and attempt to appear somewhat presentable. 

.

.

.

The lights of the city cast their soft glow over the water of the slow moving river. A hypnotizing dance of yellow and gold against the backdrop of the night sky. It lulls your thoughts–quietens them to a dull roar–as you sit next to Mingyu on a park bench.

You had finished dinner a half hour ago; a mouthwatering feast of flavour grilled by the deft hands of your roommate himself. You watched as he took to the task with an almost reverent disposition—ushering the food through the cycle of cooking as you sat across from him, absorbed in the aroma and savouring each morsel he placed in front of you. 

You had worried that he was going to take you to some uptight, fine dining restaurant where each dish was somehow the size of your pinky finger while costing more than you made in a day (Mingyu did have a vibe of luxury about him); but when he opened the door to the small, hole-in-the-wall barbeque joint in a random side-street you felt the tension in your shoulders ease and you were finally able to let yourself relax. 

He ordered–a generous selection of high-quality but reasonably priced beef–and you sat and ate and talked. It was normal and nice and the old wood-planked walls of the restaurant leant the entire dinner an air of casualness that your anxiety-addled brain desperately needed. Just a nice normal dinner with a roommate who you did not have any romantic attraction to at all.

Conversation continued after dinner ended. He was easy to talk to, easy to listen to, and you lost yourself in it, completely forgetting about your previous plan to avoid him, as he paid the bill. You continued to talk as you left the restaurant, stepped back out onto the street, and as you continued to walk together until you saw the Han River stretching out in front of you. 

You hadn’t been paying attention as you walked–just let your feet move under the vague assumption that you were just heading back home–so reaching the river had come as a surprise. Mingyu’s face remained impassive as he led you past the numerous couples dotting the riverbank, each splayed out on grass and blankets, bathed in the soft amber glow of the city. You followed him for a few hundred feet until he stopped at a small hill and sat down on a bench, draping his arm casually over the back as he leaned against the sun-faded wood.

You hesitate a minute before sitting down. The mirage of purely platonic companionship had dissipated step by step as you followed him downstream, watching the way his jacket moved against his torso–loosely fitted but structured enough to hint at the firmness of his shoulders underneath, swelling as his arms swung idly at his sides. Your mind blaring a fire red warning in Jeonghan’s voice: be careful. Mingyu notices you hesitate and offers a warm smile, just touching at the corners of his eyes. He moves over an inch on the bench to give you more space and your heart takes that moment to consider itself some sort of acrobat in your chest. You silence the warning, washing it out with your own self-soothing lies, before taking a seat next to him and focusing on the night skyline. 

Living in the city always felt isolating. Like the loneliness of existence was only amplified by the millions of other lives that played out parallel to your own. Millions of other people with different thoughts, feelings, and experiences existing right next to yours–there, but never touching. Lines crossing and converging but rarely intertwining for longer than a heartbeat. 

Wonwoo had been an anchor in that sea of loneliness. Something solid to hold onto as you were buffeted by the waves of life. Stabile, grounding. You never realised how much you needed that stability until it was no longer there. Until you were cast adrift once more, alone in the deep blue. 

Seulgi was there of course–as well as your other friends and family–but it wasn’t the same. They were islands of reprieve to visit when needed, and to offer the same when they did, but it wasn’t the same as having that one person to tether yourself to. To merge your life with and create a new island on solid foundations. Unshakeable, until it’s not. 

Maybe you were pathetic, relying on a partner for so much support. Needing someone to rescue you from your own life. Maybe you needed to save yourself for once. 

“Do you ever get the feeling like you’re going to end up dying alone?” you ask the question, half expecting it to dissolve into the air in front of you and go completely unanswered. Unsure if you even want an answer or if you just needed to remove the thought from your mind.

Mingyu scoffs, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he glances at you sideways–evaluating. “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem for you.” 

“Oh?” you raise an eyebrow, a twinge of offense scurrying up at the comment. “And what makes you so sure of that?”

“Well, what makes you think you would?” he counters and you let a small laugh slip out at the seriousness of his expression. 

“I don’t know,” you shake your head, dismissing the thought and turning your attention back towards the view. Bitterly regretting altering the mood so seriously. You should have remained flippant, joyous. Unserious. But when did your mouth ever listen to you? “I was just thinking out loud.”

“Oh no you don’t,” he laughs, “you brought it up and now you’re avoiding the question?” You feel the heat of his body warm the air around you as he adjusts on the bench, angling away from the river to better face you and pry the answers free under the weight of his attention.

“You avoided mine!” you bite back in defense, turning in kind to face him, but realising the trap too late as he flashes you a wolfish grin.  

“Ah-ha, so it was a serious question!” he cries, pleased with himself. “Listen if you want my honest answer, I will give it to you but I want an answer in return as well.” 

You hesitate, not for the first time tonight—wavering at the edge of the offer and cursing your propensity for sticking your foot straight into your mouth at the drop of a hat. 

Do you really want to open up to him like this? 

It had been such a nice evening. Good food, good conversation, and a nice walk along the river. It had been a while since you had felt so at ease in someone's company. And yet, despite all of that, you had to go and get lost in your self-sabotaging, meandering thoughts and open your big dumb mouth. Did Mingyu even really want to know? He seemed friendly and open enough but you can’t help but hear Jeonghan’s voice as it bounces off the walls of your mind: ‘Mingyu is not serious’. Did he know what Pandora’s Box he was willingly opening by asking you? Did he care?

You fix your gaze on him, evaluating, searching his eyes for any sign of ambivalence or even trickery. He stares back, waiting patiently for you to mull it over, and you come up with no discernable ulterior motive. Nothing lurking in the clear brown of his eyes other than open curiosity and a slight glimmer of amusement. 

“Ugh, fine,” you relent, falling back against the bench with a huff. You forgot Mingyu’s arm is resting against the back and you feel the pressure of it against you as you settle deeper into the bench. “Why do I think I’m going to die alone…” you repose the question, willfully ignoring the shiver that ripples out from the spot where his arm is pressed against you. You can feel the warmth of it even through your jacket. “Maybe because I’m a bit of an anxious wreck and that can’t be easy to deal with. Or maybe because I’ve managed to fuck up every relationship I’ve ever been in.”

“I don’t think so,” Mingyu replies, assured in his denial of your reasoning. 

You let out a mirthless laugh and glare into the middle distance. “Don’t think so? Don’t think what? That I’m not an anxious wreck? You clearly don’t know me that well.”

“No, I believe that part, though anxiety can be treated to a certain extent. I have this psychologist friend, Minghao, he talks a lot about it. I could get you his number if you want.” he offers and you furrow your brow at the suggestion. 

“You want to set me up with a psychologist?”

He laughs, “not like a date. Like if you wanted to book an appointment to see him about it. You know, like a therapist?” 

“Oh,” you mumble, immediately feeling stupid. “So what did you mean then?”

“Just that it takes two to fuck up a relationship most of the time.  You can’t fuck up something that wasn’t ready to be fucked up, you know? No one is perfect, we all have issues so no relationship is ever perfect and that’s not the fault of just one person.”

“Wow,” you exhale. His words sink in, a stark contrast against the internal monologue of shame and blame you had callously constructed. A differing perspective roaring in to shake your foundations. You try to reckon with it, the thought that it might not be all your fault, and it clamours and clangs against your brain in the worst way. In a way that you know it might be true but you’re not ready to accept it yet. 

“Did I say something wrong?” Mingyu asks, momentarily rendered insecure by your plunge into melancholic silence. 

“No, no,” you assure him, distantly amused by his immediate assumption that it might have been him that did something wrong. “It’s just…” you hesitate, unsure of how to word it. “I wasn’t expecting you to be so insightful.”

He snorts out a laugh, “thanks, I guess. I have my moments.” 

“No, no, I don’t mean that I think you’re like…incapable of insight, just…” you pause, trying to reformulate the thought in a way that doesn’t sound like an insult. “I’m just not used to getting reality checks like that from people I don’t really know that well.”

“Oh, okay,” he laughs again, in relief this time, and you feel the edge of tension you had been holding in your body ebb away. “Well, I mean it though,” he affirms, “I don’t think it means you’re going to die alone.”

“Okay, well,” you sigh, unsure where to follow this new proffered perspective, “thanks, I guess.”

“No problem,” he grins. “Your turn.”

“My turn?” You knit your brows in confusion, eliciting another laugh from your seatmate. “For what?”

“You answered my question, so it’s your turn to ask one,” he explains.

“I didn’t realise we were playing 20 questions,” you tease. The words leave your lips with a little more edge than you had intended and you wince. Why did you always sound so defensive? You glance at Mingyu and feel a slight sense of relief at the fact that he seemed not to have noticed the tone. 

“Well, if you don’t have any questions, I’m fine with being the hot, mysterious one in the house,” he winks and again you find yourself not hating how he looks when he does it. 

Still, you snort derisively in response. If only he knew how deeply not-mysterious he already was to you. “Hardly,” you reply. “Okay, fine. I have a question for you: why does The Notebook make you cry so much?”

Wide-eyed surprise ripples across his face, a tinge of red embarrassment colouring the tips of his ears, “who told you that?” he asks in a nervous half-whisper.

“Jeonghan might have mentioned it when I was moving in…” 

“Traitor,” he seethes, running a hand through his hair as he considers this revelation before answering you. “It’s sad,” he states plainly after a moment’s hesitation and you ‘tsk’, refusing the easy answer. 

“Lots of movies are sad, Mingyu. Why does this one in particular make you cry so much that I was warned never to watch it in the living room?”

He sighs again, heaves his chest in and out like an exasperated dog settling down for bed. You watch as he stares out over the river, wide brown eyes shimmering with the lights of the city, and wait for him to respond. You had never seen Wonwoo cry during a movie. You had barely seen Wonwoo cry at all. He kept his emotions held tight, whether for self-protection or because he really was just that steady you didn’t know, but Mingyu’s upfront expressiveness was a breath of fresh air. Seeing someone so open at every moment with how they were feeling made you feel a little bit less alone with your own rapid shifts in mood. Maybe you weren’t the broken one. 

“Fine,” he relents, “honestly, I know it’s corny. I know it’s a corny movie and it’s lame and dumb that an adult man with a job still bawls like a baby while watching it but I can’t help it. Seeing those two old people dying in bed together after reliving the tale of their love just gets me every single time. It’s a confusing mixture of sadness and hope and I have never been able to get through it without weeping.” 

“Wow,” you remark and he shakes his head. 

“Happy?” he huffs, again with an air of a disgruntled dog and you laugh.

“Very happy, thank you for sharing.” 

“Okay my turn,” he grins, leaning back against the bench once more, the wood groaning slightly under his weight as it shifts. 

“Good luck, movies don’t make me cry often.” 

“Well you’ve gotta have some embarrassing secret. Otherwise we’re on uneven ground, and I don’t like that.” 

“I’ve already told you something embarrassing,” you start to defend yourself but he shakes his head. Resolute. 

“What? About thinking you fuck everything up?” You nod and he laughs, “that’s not embarrassing, that’s normal. Everyone thinks they’re more fucked up than they are.” He shrugs and you again marvel at how casually he accepts the very thing that feels so earth-shaking to you. “Tell me your most embarrassing secret.”

“That’s not a question, it’s a demand.” you point out and he nods, considering the rebuttal. 

“Too broad? Okay, then what’s your favourite song?” 

“How is that supposed to be embarrassing?” you ask, aghast. 

“It’s not, I’m just curious. Not every question needs to be so heavy, you can get to know people through simpler things. Happy things,” he smiles again, coy, and your heart betrays you again with a flutter of wings against your chest. 

“I’m not sure,” you muse. He starts to protest but you cut him off before he can begin, “there are too many songs that I love to feel like I can narrow it down to just one all–time favourite. Too many things to consider.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like, what am I doing when I am listening to it? Is it a song I could listen to anytime, anywhere? Does that make it a favourite or just an easy listen? Is it a song that fills me with a swell of emotions? A favourite from high school that still makes me nostalgic? Or a recent song that I’ve played on repeat too many times to count? You see…too many things to consider.”

“Wow, you’re right,” he laughs again, “you really are an overthinker.” 

“Gee, thanks,” you scoff, rolling your eyes. 

“How about you just make me a playlist with all of the above and we’ll consider it answered?” he winks and you blink back at him, stunned to silence. Wonwoo never really got through the songs you would recommend to him, was Mingyu really going to go to the trouble of listening to an entire playlist? For his roommate? 

“Oh–okay,” you answer, unsure of what else to say. 

Silence descends for a moment, settling comfortably between you, and you glance around in surprise to find that most of the people that had been here when you arrived have since departed. How long had you been sitting on this bench talking?

As if reading your thoughts, Mingyu clears his throat. “It’s getting late,” he feigns a yawn, forearm flexing as he brings his hand up to cover his mouth, “but you have one more question to even it up before we start walking back home.”

You sit still, contemplating. While teasing him had been fun, an overwhelming part of you wants to really get to know him. To know what makes him tick. What thoughts and desires lurk in the depths of those puppy brown eyes. To find out exactly what it was about him that was drawing you in so much despite your (and Seulgi’s and Jeonghan’s) better judgement. 

“What did you want to be when you were a kid?” you ask finally. It feels like a silly question as soon as you ask it but you can’t take it back once it’s been spoken. And you do actually want to know the answer. 

“Is that your final question?” he asks and you hesitate but nod. You’re curious about what kind of kid he was. What his dreams had been before the demands of adulthood had set in. “Alright, but it’s silly,” he warns and you wait silently for his response despite it, “I wanted to own my own bakery.” 

“You wanted to own a bakery?” you parrot the response, surprised by his answer. “Really?” 

“I told you it was silly,” he smiles, voice a slight quiver. You hadn’t expected the answer, true, but it’s the nervousness around it that is really taking you by surprise. Like it’s kid Mingyu answering the question and not the 20-something year old adult you had bought you dinner. 

“No, no, it’s not silly, I just didn’t expect it,” you reassure him and the expression of embarrassment on his face melts back into neutrality. The wave of nerves slipping away into the ether. “Why didn’t you do it?” 

He shrugs, “my parents didn’t think it was a suitable career path for someone like me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You bristle, feeling defensive on behalf of the kid he once was. 

“I never asked for clarification,” he laughs. “Just went to school for business like they suggested. Jokes on them, though, I can still make a mean sourdough.” 

“What can’t you do?” you mumble, intending the comment to be unheard but clearly failing as Mingyu throws his head back with a laugh before getting to his feet. 

“Well, what about you?” he asks as you join him and you both head back down the path towards the main road. “What was your childhood dream?”

“I always wanted to be an artist,” you say, “and I sort of am doing that now just in a more corporate-friendly way. Career was the one aspect of life that I always felt I had a handle on. There was no guesswork. It was just me involved.” 

“Your parents didn’t have any different thoughts as to what they wanted you to do?” he asks, a slight note of surprise colouring his voice. 

“Not really, no,” you shrug, “they were pretty supportive, honestly. I think the only things they really cared about was that I got an education and was able to pay for rent and food.” 

“That’s lucky, it’s nice to have such supportive parents.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” you nod. It had never been something you had actively thought about, just taken for granted and assumed it was sort of the same for everyone. You make a mental note to call your parents soon and catch up as you and Mingyu leave the park and the river disappears behind you. 

“Would you ever bake something for me?” you ask, matching Mingyu’s stride as you take a turn down the block towards home. 

“That depends,” he replies, amusement clear in his voice.

“On what?” 

“On whether or not you want to hang out again in the future,” he shrugs, feigning nonchalance. You see a hint of blush reddening the tips of his ears again and it makes you wonder. Was it just the slight chill in the air causing it?

“Well, we do live together so I think that’s almost inevitable,” you laugh, trying to brush the niggling feeling off with an assurance that you did not feel. 

“True,” he concedes, “then I guess I will. Are you more of a sweet or savory person?” 

“That depends,” you reply, a small grin turning up the corners of your lips. 

“Overthinking pastries now too?” 

“No,” you laugh, all lingering feelings of defensiveness gone from you. “It depends on what you’re better at making.” 

“Oh, I’m good at it all,” he replies, voice smooth–silk slipping over mahogany–as he holds open the door to the condo complex for you. You glance at him, eyes meeting his in the dim light of the lobby, and study him for a moment. He’s smiling, cool and casual, but there’s a seriousness hiding in the depths of his expression that you can’t quite unravel. It draws you in, curiouser and curiouser, until you find yourself face to face with a crossroads. Two paths diverge in the yellow woods of your mind and the only thing that remains is to choose.  

“Then I’ll take it all,” you reply after a breath, thoughts slipping into place. Threshold crossed, decision made. You step into the lobby and head towards the elevator leaving Mingyu to trail behind. 

.

.

.

The condo is blessedly quiet when you arrive upstairs; everyone else scattered throughout the city with Friday night plans. The absence of Jeonghan in particular is a relief, you knew that no matter what the context was, if he saw you return with Mingyu at this time of night you would be primed for some form of lecture or another. Whether verbal or simply that knowing stare he likes to give you when he thinks you’re being stupid.

That silent cloud of judgement would have been especially intrusive tonight as you step in through the front door barely clinging onto the tenuous air of bravado you had conjured up in the lobby downstairs. It would have shaken your resolve to follow this thought of intrigue towards Mingyu and thrust you right back into your torrential thoughts once more, spinning haphazardly between mourning over what was lost and what might not ever be.  

Instead you stand with shaky confidence and a pounding in your chest as you bid Mingyu goodnight, savouring that look of intrigue you’re sure is mirrored in his own expression as you close your bedroom door for the night and bar any doubt from creeping in behind you. 

You listen through the walls as his own door clicks shut before rummaging through the unpacked duffel bag in the corner of your room. You dig through unsorted paperwork, unopened mail, random knick knacks you had found no home for yet until your fingers grasp the object you were seeking.

Sleek, black silicone emerges from the bag and you glance behind you as if Mingyu might be standing there, ready to chastise you for your impure thoughts. 

You stand up, hesitating, evaluating the vibrator as it sits like a brick in your palm. You had only used it once, years ago, after buying it at a convention with Seulgi before it ended up buried deep in the recesses of your drawer. At the time your sex life had been consistent and satisfying–it was early days for you and Wonwoo and the excitement and novelty of having each other at your fingertips for the whims of the moment had kept you too busy to even remember that you had the toy stored away in the first place. It wasn’t until you were packing to move out that you rediscovered it.

You hesitate for a second before thinking ‘fuck it, I paid like $200 for this, I’m gonna get some use out of it’ and slipping out of your clothes and into your bed. 

You try to set the mood in your mind, fingers swirling idly over your bare skin as you flip through mental images of celebrities, movie scenes, fantasies that you used to use to get in the mood. Anything to deepen that pressure that burned quietly inside of you. None of your old tricks produce results and you sigh, ready to give up on the activity completely, before you feel the distinct thud of Mingyu’s headboard against the wall. 

You imagine Mingyu: what is he doing? Maybe sitting on the edge of his bed, scrolling through Instagram, or maybe he’s under his covers too. Maybe he’s having the same thoughts as you? 

You follow this thought where it takes you, back to that night the other week. Back to the low sound of his moaning carried through the drywall and plaster, the thudding of his headboard against your wall, back to that yawning pit in your stomach that felt like it might swallow you whole at any second. Your hand traces the path of the scene playing out in your mind, blazing a trail down your chest, stomach, and finally to the aching space between your thighs. 

You recall the weight of Mingyu’s arm pressed against your back on the park bench–steady and solid. The sound of his voice and laughter muffling your gasp of surprise as you flick the vibrator on and jump at the sudden noise filling your room. 

You flick it back off immediately, worrying that the distinctive buzzing sound would carry itself through the cover of your blankets and body and make it through the proven-thin walls towards Mingyu’s ears. He would know for sure you were in here thinking about him, fantasizing about his lips on your neck. The thought of discovery adds a confusing stab of guilt to the knotting in your guts but you do your best to squash it as it pops up. What exactly were you doing wrong? You were tired of denying yourself pleasure out of fear of other people’s judgements or shame. You flick the vibrator back on, this time prepared for the noise, and dig the object deeper between your thighs. 

Maybe part of you wants him to hear you–wants him to know what you were doing alone in the dark in the bedroom next to him. Maybe, in this alternative timeline, he knocks softly on your door. His brown eyes rake over your naked body, bared to him like a gift prepared just for him. His sweatpants strain with the pressure of his bulge as his blood travels lower, and lower. Filling him with the desire as it fills you now. He steps forward, wavering at the threshold of your bed and asks, voice so low it plucks at the strings of your core, to join you. To help you release this coil of tension that had made its home inside of you, growing bigger and hungrier every single day since running into him half-naked in the kitchen that first night. Maybe he’s been running through this same scenario every night before bed, hand gripping his cock as it pulses in his hand, sweat beading his brow. 

Alternative timeline or not, the thought itself is all that you need to push you over the edge as you move the vibrator against your clit, finding the right rhythm of pressure, the right balance of relief, to feed the beast of desire crying open-mouthed inside of you. To have your legs shaking and your core pulsing with waves of pleasure no longer denied. You cry out, muffling the sound with the back of your free hand, and for the first time in years it isn't Wonwoo's face clear in your mind as you reach your climax.

© 2024, neoneun-au. all rights reserved.

―AUTHOR’S NOTE: i cant link them here, but please find the series masterlist and other chapters on my blog. i would love to know your thoughts on the story so far !

[captainlexapro]

Tkachuky Derby & Hughesapalooza - 2024

*click for better detail- apologies for the lighting and general quality of the pics 😓!!*

acrylic on paper

please don't steal or repost 💚

inspired by this tweet specifically (plus credit to the earliest twitter mentions i could find):

Made these for my fellow brothers bowls enthusiasts!! Especially those who know it’s all about the intricate webs of familial narratives in athletics. and the concepts of destiny and talent. and brothers as both allies and adversaries. and the bonds between siblings. and…

links to inspo, reference images, and other thoughts below the cut!

THEY'RE DONEEEEEE!! 😭🙌 i spent probably 2-3 full days' worth of time from concept sketches to final products. so much paint. so much frustration. they're still not perfect - there's little issues on both (if you notice something, i promise i'm aware of it!!) but 'fixing' stuff in acrylic often leads down a rabbit hole and i just had to call it and be done.

there's intentional little details on both - let me know what you catch! hopefully you can see them okay 😅

*i know they play each other more than once per season but i only wanted to make these for their first '24-'25 meetings)*

Let's get some whimsy up in here now, boys!

Derby:

team colors - Panthers Senators

matthew reference

brady reference

Kentucky Derby posters inspo

I wanted to keep the derby poster more 'clean' graphically. lots of derby posters have sharp lines of color and lots of movement, so i knew i wanted large swaths of the team colors somehow (thanks to the ppl that voted on my poll for what the team color shaping should be! i did follow the winning choice lol) chose poses where they look like they are moving in the direction of the 'flow.' generally wanted to keep focus on the idea of matthew vs brady, so i have them 'looking' across the way. was originally going to put in outlines of skylines for cities relevant to them, but that proved to be way too big of an undertaking so i scrapped that idea and came up with some different references. put some detailing for each of them that i'm reallyyyyy hoping you can see when you like zoom into it, but here’s some closer pics:

their last name is ukrainian for weaver, so i wanted to put a little nod to that somehow. not sure it will translate/be clear to viewers, but i limited myself by making the poster so damn small...*I* know they're there and can see them lol if it's not clear to ppl i will come back here and explicitly say what they are lol

Palooza:

team colors - Devils Canucks

luke reference

jack reference

quinn reference

Music posters inspo

inspired by lolla/music posters. wanted a more 'fun' vibe overall. while the derby poster would be more for say like, putting on a wall or hypothetically used for marketing purposes, palooza was more marketing poster and maybe on a t-shirt, too. definitely wanted a calligraphy type font for the name - just felt it out and came up with that shaping. tried to reference lolla a bit. used the devils and canucks coloring - and combo of those (did you notice?) - for the palette. wanted it to be a bit more pop graphic-ish (and hopefully not too cartoony). used some hockey/venue shapes and references, as well as some little hugheses-specific easter eggs...fun fact: the reference pic i used for jack is the EXACT SAME as his nhl25 cover. they just edited it to have the devils' home jersey colors. (i was like wait a second....i know that pose. bc i've been staring at it trying to paint it for hours!!!)

some pics of the palettes and initial sketches:

If anyone has fun nicknames for other nhl brothers bowls, i’d be open to making more posters! Lmk!

If u read all this just know i love u and hope you have a good day 🫶

[ask-nyc-boroughs]

Early Appalachian frontiersman Alfred in buckskin circa 1790- 1810s. I’m trying to figure out how to paint like NC Wyeth digitally (so lol the background is Wyeth’s).

Gonna ramble a bit about my nor’easter au and Alfred below the cut

Following the American Revolution, Alfred is immediately sent out to squash any rebellions (like whiskey rebellion) and to partake in wars against Indigenous nations like the Cherokee. I’ll save a discussion about the Cherokee wars for another time because that’ll take a long time to explain + I’m still working on my Cherokee oc and I need to understand Cherokee history and perspective more before I go forward with talking about this topic.

Now the many of the east coast states are older than Alfred, and they mostly supported him during the revolution because they thought he’d be easy to control given at the time of the revolution he wasn’t tied down as any colony or city. However, he was a New Englander and very obviously so

He was once Plymouth colony and he grew up alongside his cousin Henry/Massachusetts, but by the time the revolution occurred, his status was unclear and he was simply living with his cousin (who’s his earliest and most fierce supporter) .

These states operated like countries and part of why the had the revolution was to continue to self-govern and maintain their regional cultures. It’s also part of why the federal government initially was rather weak. Given Alfred’s closeness to his cousin, and his very staunch New England identity, I think the states would be hesitant over a strong New England national control. And so I think they especially Jennie/NY & Rich/Virginia encouraged Alfred to leave his cousin for a while, and partake in military campaigns (+ he was good at battle).

Also Alfred was like 14, and I don’t think he’s ever been the type to sit down and do paperwork. Honestly he was always a bad student, who was far more interested in the outdoors, horses, sailing and hunting. While he won the war, and he was fine with being head of state, he still didn’t 1) have confidence in himself to make non-military related decisions 2) he just wasn’t mentally ready to take on the responsibilities and was fine deferring it to his states like Jennie, Rich, or Henry to figure out matters that weren’t military related. He was irresponsible and it would come back to bite him in the ass during the Civil War.

Alfred on a personal level it was probably good for him to get away from his overly critical cousin who can be overbearing, but also so he would get more experience to deeply get to know his states.

Also Alfred, growing up in New England, he was a little ball of rage as a kid and he has a difficult time managing his emotions. He wasn’t exactly the personable seemingly fun loving Alfred of the present. Not that he couldn’t crack a joke, but ok I’m not from New England, but in the northeast I find we’re rather cynical, un-filtered and sarcastic and tbh kind of asssholes in the way we have fun and in our humor. That’s how he was, which is like fine unless you’re trying to appeal to the rest of the nation lol which he would have to

I think his time spent in Appalachia and the south did help him learn more about his other states especially Maisie/ North Carolina. But also helped him learn more how to let go some of this intense New England rage, and how to better control his emotions. But also let loose in a way that isn’t so dark and cynical. Also I think this helped him slowly learn how to speak with less of a New England specific accent

He was also able to observe states like Rich and Carl/ South Carolina and gain an understanding of how being able to control your emotions, can help control your image and how others perceive you. So these are the origins of how he slowly began to shape and become at least in public this overly friendly happy go lucky Alfred.

I’ll save a discussion about his interactions with the Appalachian states more explicitly another time I’m just tired😴 fr rn